#yesterday was the longest day of my life so far

[hunsa-jars]

Howdyy my oral exams were held yesterday, got lucky with the topics and I’m very happy with my results

This mouse officially graduated from high school, peeps :’)

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 10, Uneasy - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of sex, insecurity, nosey gossip, some shady actions, Jade Carthage (she's the worst), Pocket's approaching her bullshit limit.

Word Count: 4.1k

Previously On...: You had a good heart-to-heart with Pepper, who suggested you start going back to therapy to deal with your constant feelings of jealousy and insecurity.

A/N: ::lobs shit at fan like hand grenades:: I'm sorry. I was up writing Chapter 20 from about 6pm yesterday through 5am this morning, and I'm pleased to say it's finished! I think it's the longest so far, with ten parts. And it's dark. I can't believe how dark I went with it, as it was absolutely not my intention, but there was a lot of negative stuff that needed to happen, and I kinda wanted to keep it to one chapter so I didn't have to dwell on it. I might have to take a day or two off from writing to kind of clear my head and reset my emotions, lol.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!)  @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls

Your feet pounded the treadmill, sweat dripping down your forehead, breathing heavy. You were approaching the end of your ten-mile run and about to go into your cool-down in the Avengers’ training facility of the Tower. Bucky had left early that morning for a training session with Jade. Between his obligations and your therapy sessions, you were seeing each other less than ever before– and having less sex. Between all the additional training sessions and demands on his time, you’d sometimes be lucky if you got a kiss goodnight from Bucky, let alone getting him to make you come. You tried to convince yourself that wasn’t the end all, be all, but you were left with a plethora of pent-up sexual energy that needed to be released. You'd thought about taking Nat up on her offer for a sparring session, but every time you closed your eyes, all you saw was Bucky in less than family-friendly situations, and you knew if you had any hope of going up against the Black Widow, you needed all of your wits about you, so the treadmill it was. At least this way, you could let your mind wander without getting your ass kicked.

The treadmill slowed itself to a stop and you pulled your earbuds from your ears while you caught your breath. Picking up your hand towel, you wiped at the sweat on your face and took a look around the training room. The space was occupied by SHIELD agents in various states of exercise, but you noticed a small crowd had gathered around one of the sparring mats in the far corner of the room. Curiosity getting the better of you, you grabbed your water bottle and made your way over to see what was going on. People moved aside to let you by, and you heard whispers of "his girlfriend" as they watched you  pass, so you knew that, whatever people were gawking at, Bucky had to be at the center of it. 

When you reached the front of the crowd, your eyes were immediately drawn to Bucky as he moved slowly around his opponent in a predatory circle, sweatpants riding low and showcasing his Adonis belt, and for a brief moment, you saw yourself on your knees, running your tongue along the defined musculature. You shook your head to clear it of the image. God, you needed his dick. Desperately.

You focused instead on the way his body moved, lithe and graceful on his bare feet, like a lion ready to pounce on its prey. And the prey... Well, fuck. His prey was Jade Carthage, and she looked ready to devour him as they circled each other. They danced like that for a while before she launched herself at him at such a high speed, your eyes could barely track the movement. The crowd around you cheered as she lunged for his midsection, but Bucky managed to side-step her, using her momentum to his advantage. He tapped her on the back of the knees, sending her to the mat, but she was up in an instant, throwing herself onto Bucky's back and wrapping her legs around his midsection and her arms around his neck as she tried to pull him down.

"God, they make sparring look so hot," said a voice to your left. You turned your head and saw two SHIELD agents, a male and female, making commentary on the match before you. "Do you think they're fucking?" the male asked.

"Pfft," the female agent scoffed, "Barnes would never. He's with Stark's CTO. From what I hear, he's absolutely rabid for her." You couldn't help the warm feeling that bubbled in your stomach at the idea of Bucky being rabid for you.

"Yeah, I know, but come on-- there's no way some science nerd is going to compare with her," he said, nodding his head toward Jade, who now had her thighs wrapped around Bucky's head, much to the delight of the crowd, and the warm feeling in your stomach turned into a cold, heavy rock. "I mean, look at her; she's a fucking goddess. She's got the serum, too. I mean, guy like him, think he's going to be satisfied with a normal girl long-term? Nah, give it time; he'll get bored. Vixen's much more his speed. Fifth floor’s already placing bets on when he’ll start doing her on the side."

"Wow," said the female agent, sarcastically, "aren't you the romantic?"

"Just watch them," the male said. "There's something happening there."

The female agent cocked her head and studied Bucky and Jade as they traded blows. "Okay," she conceded, "maybe there's something."

"Maybe you two should mind your own fucking business and not speculate about things you know nothing about," a husky voice said from behind them. You turned to see Natasha, hands on her hips, glaring at the two agents, who, under the former assassin's scrutiny, had the good sense to look ashamed… and a little frightened. "Now, why don't you stop gawking and go do something useful with yourselves, considering, in case you happened to forget, you're on the fucking clock." She narrowed her eyes and tapped her fingers against her hip impatiently as the two muttered apologies before slinking off into the crowd. She watched them go before turning back to you and slipping her arm around your waist. You draped an arm around her back and leaned you head on her shoulder in thanks.

"Don't listen to a word those dumb fucks say," she told you as she watched the sparring match continue to unfold in front of you. "They're just stirring up trouble for shits' sake."

You hummed in agreement, but the seed had been planted, and you were terrified everyone else was seeing something you were being willfully oblivious to. You watched as Bucky and Jade moved, trading blows and blocks in a blur of motion. You knew he didn't have many opportunities to spar with someone on his level, who could keep up with him in strength, skill, and stamina, but there was something about the look in his eye as moved around the space, an excitement, a hunger, that made your stomach feel like it was full of lead. It was a look you knew well-- you saw it every time he pinned you beneath him, whispering sweet, sinful promises into the crook of your neck as he thrust into you and took you beyond reason.

“They’re not blind, though, are they Natty?” you asked, your voice small. As you watched, the sight before you shifted subtly as Bucky reached for Jade, his large hand enclosing around her wrist before twisting swiftly, forcing her arm behind her. He guided her to the ground, his body close against hers as he kept her in place. The interaction was professional, strictly within the limits of their training session. Yet, it unsettled you. You felt a pit of discomfort growing in your stomach as whispers bubbled from the crowd around you.

“You know Barnes better than anyone alive, Pocket,” Nat assured you, squeezing your waist gently. “I’d say even better than Steve at this point; do you honestly think there’s something there?”

You couldn’t answer her, every insecurity you’d had about Jade Carthage bubbling to the surface with a renewed vengeance. Especially now that you’d heard other people giving voice to your deep-seated fears that Bucky was out of your league and it was only a matter of time before he realized that, too, and left you.

Throughout it all, Bucky seemed oblivious to the audience or perhaps he was just too focused on Jade to give them any attention. As he released her and backed away, giving her space to rise, his gaze was trained entirely on her. His eyes were darkened with a serious intensity that stirred something within you, an overwhelming cocktail of fear, jealousy and a raw possessiveness a thousand times stronger than anything you'd felt before.

You fucking hated it.

Jade went on the offensive, swinging out to attempt a roundhouse kick to Bucky's chest, but the super soldier's reflexes were too quick; he grabbed her ankle before she could make contact and threw her off balance. With the grace of a gazelle, Jade used the momentum to spin, crouching low to sweep Bucky's legs out from underneath him. You watched as he fell back to the mat, and quick as lightning, Jade was on top of him, thighs straddling either side of his waist as she held a sparring dagger to his throat. They were both panting heavily from the exertion, but Bucky smiled up at Jade, pride evident on his face.

Sensing that the show was over for now, the crowd began dispersing, almost as if the current moment between the former combatants was too intimate for them to witness, leaving only you and Natasha at the side of the mat. You watched as Jade leaned down to whisper something in Bucky's ear, and he laughed his beautiful, genuine laugh.

The reaction made you squeak in discomfort. It wasn't a loud noise, and no normal person would have heard you from that distance, but Bucky Barnes was no normal man. At the sound, his eyes snapped to where you stood and, to your absolute horror, his face fell. You watched his smile falter as he saw the expression on your face, replaced with something looked alarmingly like guilt.

Jade's dark eyes followed his gaze and when she saw you, she broke into a wide grin, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Don’t get your panties in a twist, (Y/L/N). Just a friendly spar, right Barnes?" She asked, her voice ringing out clear across the room. Bucky nodded, looking stunned and incapable of speech as he continued to meet your gaze.

You watched as she rolled off him, extending the contact of their bodies a little longer than necessary, and extended her hand. Bucky stared at it for a moment before accepting the help and heaving himself off the mat. He shook his head at her, his gaze slowly returning to yours. This was not how you had envisioned your day unfolding.

Natasha squeezed your waist, attempting to offer some comfort, but it wasn't enough to shake off the dark cloud of unease that was settling over you. Ignoring the murmurs of reassurance from Natasha, you pulled away from her and made your way towards Bucky, who was now standing with Jade, both of them looking a little worse for wear after the intense sparring match. Bucky watched your approach with apprehension in his eyes, clearly unsure of what you were going to say or do. Jade smirked at you, her eyes twinkling with amusement, but there was something else behind that smug façade – an insidious satisfaction.

"Barnes," you greeted him, trying to keep your voice steady.

"Sweetheart," he replied, reaching out to touch your arm. You flinched back from the contact and noticed how his expression fell even further.

Jade opened her mouth to speak, but you cut her off with a wave of your hand.

"I need to speak with Bucky. Alone," you said, giving her a pointed look. Jade looked surprised for a moment before she shrugged and walked away, leaving the two of you alone on the edge of the training mat.

Bucky looked like he wanted to say something, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times before just clearing his throat. He ran a hand nervously through his hair, the sheen of sweat on his brow glinting in the overhead lights. His gaze flickered between your face and the floor, savoring every second as if it might be his last.

"I... I,” he stuttered, helplessly. You knew he was lost, unsure of how to navigate the waves of anger and hurt that rolled off you in palpable tides.

You crossed your arms over your chest defensively; your heart thudded painfully against your ribs, threatening to break free from its cage. You wanted to yell, cry, demand to know what was going on between him and Jade... But most of all, you just wanted to reach out and touch him, assure him that everything would be okay.

"Bucky," you finally said, your voice trembling slightly under the weight of your emotions. "What's happening between you two?"

Confusion passed over Bucky's face, "Wha- what do you mean?" he asked, his gaze steady on your eyes.

"You and Carthage," you clarified, hating how your voice hitched at the end of her name. "There's something going on between you two. Something... something more than just sparring partners. I want to know what it is."

His eyes widened slightly, and for a moment he looked genuinely shocked before it was replaced by a dawning comprehension. His shoulders sagged as he sighed deeply, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

"No," He murmured desperately, reaching out to grip your hand. This time, you didn't pull away. Instead, you watched as his thumb traced circles on the back of your hand, as if trying to comfort you. "I promise there's nothing going on between us."

"Then why does everyone who just watched that match think that there is?" you questioned quietly, biting down on your lower lip to stop it from trembling.

Bucky paused for a moment, his gaze shifted from your eyes to the hand he held. His thumb had stopped tracing circles and instead was now holding onto it as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

"I might just be her trainer, maybe even her friend, but we get onto that mat, it has to become more than that. Something different." He paused, a look of deep concentration transforming his face as he searched for the right words. "We have to push each other to be better, stronger. Fighting skills  determine whether you live or die out there, and that unlocks something in here. Emotions run higher, because you know that every perfected move, every successful hit landed, decreases your chances of coming home in a bodybag. Your partner’s victories are your victories, because the better they are, the better they’ll be at keeping you alive. It makes things seem more intense then they actually are, creates a connection that only exists here” he pointed to the mat, “and in the field." He gave a heavy exhale before his eyes met yours again, a pleading look to them. "She's not you."

A bitter laugh escaped from your lips before you were able to stop it. "No. She's a fucking superhuman goddess and I'm just a boring science nerd."

Bucky moved back as if you'd slapped him. "What-- Where-- Why would you ever say something like that?" He reached for your hands, cupping them in his own.

You couldn't meet his gaze. "People talk, Buck. I'm not the only one who looks at you two out there and sees fucking foreplay. And they're gossiping about it. Fuck, Bucky, people are placing bets on how long it's going to be before you get bored of me and start sleeping with her."

His eyes widened at your words, his grip on your hands tightening. "Who? Who the fuck is saying that? How fucking dare they?!" He looked horrified and angry; a dangerous combination for the likes of Bucky Barnes. As he opened his mouth to respond, you cut him off.

"Only because of how you're acting, Bucky! The chemistry between you two on the mat is undeniable." You tried to pull your hands from his, tried to put some distance between you, but his fingers only tightened around yours. "And even if it's not true...there's a part of me that believes it. Because why would you settle for me when you could have someone who's your equal in every goddamn way?"

Bucky was silent for a few moments, looking at you with such intensity that you felt like he was trying to see into your very soul. Then, just as quickly as it appeared, the intensity disappeared from his face, replaced with a look of utter resolve.

"Then let me make it clear for you," he said, voice low and determined. "I may spar with Vixen. I may laugh with her, talk with her, and yeah, even enjoy her company, as much as you might hate to hear it. But it ends there. I’m her trainer inside the gym and her friend outside of it." He paused, his gaze never leaving yours. "But you, you're something entirely different."

He reached up to gently cup your face, his cool metal hand providing a stark contrast to the heat flushing your cheeks. "You’re my solace in this fucked up, too fast future I found myself in. When I'm with you, I'm not the Winter Soldier or another Avenger. I'm just... Bucky. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be, and I only get to be him when I’m with you." The earnestness in his voice was nearly enough to make your heart break on the spot.

"Your love is my strength," he continued. "And your faith in me... that's the redemption I’ve been searching for, the amends I’ve spent so long trying to find." His fingers were soft against your skin as he pushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "I love you in ways that I can't begin to express. All I care about is you. You, who's never boring, constantly keeping me on my toes with your wit and sense of humor. I love that you’re a science nerd, the most brilliant and beautiful woman I've ever met, inventin’ and creating things no one’s ever even imagined before to make the world a safer place. You, who sees past the metal arm and the nightmares, and loves me for who I am."

His hand moved along your jaw, his thumb softly grazing your cheek. His gaze was intense, filled with so much love and longing that it took your breath away.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he reiterated the words you’d spoken to him the night he’d confessed his own insecurities to you. "And I'm certainly never getting bored of you. So yeah, Vix may be my occasional sparring partner, but you...you are my life partner, and you’re going to be until the day I die. She’s never going to come close to you."

His words echoed in your ears, shattering the wall of uncertainty within you. Swallowing hard, you met his gaze, trying to find any trace of insincerity or doubt. But all you found was love – raw and beautiful love that rendered you speechless. He took your hands in his again, gently squeezing to emphasize his words.

"Promise?" You asked, your voice trembling with vulnerability.

Bucky gave you a soft, reassuring smile. "I promise. On everything that I am, and everything that I'll ever be," he said with certainty. His grip on your hands tightened, as if to emphasize the truth in his words.

Tears welled in your eyes, blurring your vision. You blinked them away, not wanting to break this moment of connection. His expression was open, vulnerable; it was a sight reserved for you and no one else.

"Just… I just need you to tell me if your feelings ever change," you pleaded, your voice barely a whisper. "I can handle any truth but, if you lie to me, it’ll destroy me."

Bucky's thumb brushed away a tear that had managed to escape from the corner of your eye. "Nothing will change, doll. Not how I feel about you." He then leaned in closer until his forehead gently rested against yours. "You're stuck with me, remember?"

A small laugh bubbled out of you even as more tears spilled down your cheeks. You wrapped your arms around him, allowing yourself to melt in the comfort and warmth of him. "I'm sorry for being so insecure," you murmured into his chest. “Therapy is supposed to be helping me get over this.”

"Hey," he said, tipping his face up to meet his gaze, "there's no need for that. If you can work me through my insecurities about Steve, this is the least I can do for you. Besides, therapy’s a process, not an over-night cure."

His words brought a small smile to your face. The sincerity in his voice was soothing, like the soft lull of the ocean against the sand. "Do you think we're crazy, Bucky? For being like this?"

Bucky chuckled, a low rumble that vibrated through his chest and into yours, "I think we've both been used and hurt, doll. Damaged." He kissed your forehead and you closed your eyes, relishing the feeling of his lips on your skin. "And I think that's made both of us terrified that we're not worthy of being loved the way we deserve. But no, I don't think we're crazy. At least, not about this, anyway."

You huffed out a laugh. "I love you so much," you murmured into the fabric of his shirt. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you. How I would survive."

"You won't lose me, doll," Bucky said, his voice a soothing balm to your fears. "As long as there's breath in my body, I'll always be by your side. I will fight for you, for us."

He pulled back slightly to look at you, his gaze resolute. "And if it ever comes down to it," he added, his words barely above a whisper, "I'll choose you. Over anyone else, over anything else. Always."

There was something in the way he spoke, the conviction in his voice that made your heart flutter in your chest. You believed him. You believed in him. You believed in the both of you, together.

"Promise?" you asked again, needing the confirmation more than you had ever needed anything else.

"I promise," he said instantly, pulling you closer into his embrace.

The warmth of his body against yours was comforting; it felt like home. It was as if all the pieces of your broken past were being put back together; mended by Bucky’s words, his promises, and the unconditional love he held for you. You pressed your face further into his chest, your tears soaking the fabric of his shirt.

"Hey," he said softly, his hand coming up to gently lift your chin so you were looking into his eyes. "Why are you still crying?"

You tried to laugh at yourself through your tears. "Because I'm relieved... and a little overwhelmed."

His thumb brushed away your tears again and then his lips were on yours in a tender kiss that told you without words just how much he cared about you.

As the kiss deepened, it was as if all the chaos of the world simply melted away. It was just the two of you in that moment, connected by not only a kiss but by the beating of two hearts that echoed the same rhythm - a testament to your shared love.

"Alright, you two," came Natasha's voice, finding its way into your bubble, "break it up. While I'm thrilled you're good, this is a training facility, not a lover's lane."

Bucky smiled down at you at Nat's words. "She's right, doll. Besides, I think I owe you a special sparring match of our very own."

You looked at him, an incredulous laugh leaving you. "Buck, I love you, but there's no way in hell I'm going to spar with you; you'll destroy me."

He leaned down to whisper in your ear, so softly you doubted Natasha could hear him. "I was thinking more along the lines of the naked sparring we could do upstairs in your room. Can't promise I won't still destroy you, though," he added with a wink.

"Oh my God," sighed Nat, who apparently could hear him, after all. "You two are disgusting. Get out of here before you start humping in the middle of the floor."

"That is an excellent idea, Natasha," you said, taking one of Bucky's hands in both of yours as you began to walk backward toward the exit, pulling him along. "Let's get out of here, Barnes. See how many times you can pin me before I scream for mercy."

Bucky threw his towel at Nat as he followed you, his gaze locked on you with a hunger that far surpassed the look he had in the ring with Jade. It sent shivers down your spine and set your heart racing.

God, you loved that man. You loved him so much that you were more than willing to ignore the little voice in the back of your head that kept asking "If there was nothing for you to worry about, why had he looked so guilty when he realized you'd been watching them?"

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

[msbigredmachine]

New To This - Chapter 8

A/N: So glad to be back and writing again. Thanks to every single wonderful one of you who checked on me and sent me well wishes! You all know who you are and I appreciate you all so much!

This is quite the chapter 😈Enjoy!

MASTERLIST

Three sets of workout gear for the week, one for each day of the tryout. Two extra t-shirts. One good pair of jeans. Three outfits for nights out, most likely with her fellow recruits. Deodorant. Makeup bag. Skincare products. Certain that she had everything, she zipped her carry-on luggage closed. She checked her watch. 6.30am. Her Uber would be arriving any moment from now to drive her to the airport.

“Babe?”

The sound of Andre’s voice turned Delilah’s head towards the bedroom door, where he stood holding something in his hands.

“You forgot somethin',” he whispered, a hint of mirth struggling with the sadness in his voice as he held out what looked like a denim jacket. And not just any denim jacket. It was her favorite one, with the back embroidered with the words “Dee & Dre Forever”. She’d had that jacket since she was a teenager and had worn it through many milestones in her life so far; her high school graduation, her first job, Andre’s proposal. Despite her annoyance with him, she allowed herself to smile as she went to take it from him. “Thanks,” she murmured.

For a moment, the couple stood there, regarding each other silently. Then, he extended his hand to her, which she took, letting him pull her in for a big hug. Her heart began to thaw as his arms tightened around her waist, his face nuzzling her neck before lifting to press his lips to hers. Her blood still simmered because he was making her take this trip alone, but he seemed to be trying. Plus, she couldn’t resist responding to his sweet kisses, and she found herself missing him already.

The buzz of her phone broke their embrace, as well as the honk of a car horn blaring through the quiet of the morning. “I gotta go. My Uber’s here,” she whispered, her eyes suddenly misty at the thought of leaving him alone for an entire week, the longest they’d ever been apart.

With his arm around her shoulders, Andre escorted her through the front door and helped her stow her luggage in the trunk. He kissed her one more time. “I love you, baby. Good luck out there,” he said.

“Thanks.”

---------------

Four days later

The final day of tryouts arrived with a bittersweet feeling as Delilah joined the assembly of her fellow recruits around the ring. It was almost eight in the morning and they should have gotten started by now, but she appreciated the little break in transmission. 

She thought Tank was a tough trainer, but he was a teddy bear compared to the coaches of the world-renowned Performance Center. Their drills were brutal and the promo classes were intense. She was sore and strained, but she could honestly say she had never felt stronger. She was hanging with D1 athletes and former pros, ranking among the top ten women in all the combines. Her promo skills needed some more work but she was in the perfect place to improve. She was getting encouragement from people who were experts at spotting talent, and she was eating up all their advice with a spoon.

The head coach, Matt Bloom, clapped his hands and called for everyone to settle down before making his announcement. “So guys, for our last day, we got a special guest coach who will be overseeing your progress today.” He paused to absorb the curious chatter among the recruits. “Without wasting any time, please join me in welcoming one half of the greatest tag team in WWE history, Main Event Jey Uso!”

Goosebumps sprouted on Delilah’s arms before Coach Bloom even finished saying his name. Sure enough, there he was, strutting through the door to the recruits’ rapturous applause. They had talked just yesterday and not once did he mention that he was coming. The star power oozed from him even from across the room. He was dressed for a workout, showing off that fabulous body of his, and Delilah couldn’t help but stare. She wasn’t the only one, as she could hear a number of the girls fawning over him, stirring an emotion inside her that had no business being stirred. 

The recruits stood on the apron surrounding the ring, watching him demonstrate the perfect Samoan drop. He looked good. Really good. Throughout, she kept her distance, not wanting to rouse any suspicions. He stayed out of reach too, but that didn’t stop the electricity from crackling when he was near her, or the jealousy that simmered inside her when females flirted with him, a few of them laying their desperation on thick with their flirty gestures and hushed, lewd comments about getting him in their beds. To Josh’s credit, he seemed unfazed by it all and Delilah wanted to believe his aloofness had something to do with her. No matter what those bitches tried, none of them had any chance with her m–…him.

At the end of the tryout, the prospects got to mingle with Josh and all the other trainers for one last time. Delilah remained at arm’s length as she watched him work the room, keeping her cool when he finally made his way over to her.

“Fancy meeting you here,” she smiled, elbowing him in the ribs and making him chuckle.

“Wanted to surprise you. You ain’t miss me too much, did you?” he joked, his eyes drifting down her body for a split second before meeting hers again. A blush crept up Delilah’s neck. 

“Consider me surprised. But I’m glad you came,” she said sincerely.

“Me too. You killed it out there, girl. All your hard work is payin’ off.”

“I know. It’s been a dream and then some,” Delilah sighed happily, looking around in awe at the place that had been her classroom for the last three days. “I still can’t believe I’m here, this is so surreal,” she gushed.

Josh laughed at her dreamy expression. “Aw, you so cute. Tell you what, how about dinner with me tonight,” he offered.

Delilah’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Huh?”

“I ain’t stutter,” he smiled. “You’ve had a long week. You should celebrate in style. Come kick it with ya boy.”

Wow. Was he seriously asking her out? Was that what this was? “There’s a party tonight for all the recruits and we’re all gonna be there. Won’t it look weird if I’m not there?” she asked, acutely aware that it sounded like an excuse.

“You can stay at your party for a bit and then come to me,” Josh replied smoothly. “The hotel I’m staying at got a great steakhouse. You’ll love it. I’ll get you a ride for eight-thirty. Sound good?” 

The confident tone of his voice left no room for any protest. Not that she was going to. The lure of free fancy food and his company was too great. “Okay. Eight-thirty it is,” she answered.

---------------

The atmosphere inside the hookah lounge was great. Everyone was in a mellow and good mood. Laughter and drinks were plentiful as the recruits let loose and enjoyed the night. Delilah was on cloud nine. This was the kind of camaraderie she had imagined when she first embarked on this wild dream of hers, to bond with elite competitors and become friends over a shared dream they all hoped would come true. 

But she looked forward to seeing Josh too, and she was counting down the seconds to eight-thirty. Her heart leapt when his text came in informing her that a car was outside waiting for her. Sneaking away was quite easy and as she slipped inside the Chevy Suburban to head to his hotel, a million thoughts ran through her head as to what else was in store tonight. 

Josh was waiting in the lobby for her, his eyes lighting up when they landed on her. Delilah forced herself to close her mouth as quickly as it dropped. Words couldn't quite describe how delicious he looked.

Dressed in all black, his tattoos glistening on his skin and the jeweled gold Cuban link glittering under the collar of his short-sleeved dress shirt. He wore a devastating smile while clutching a bouquet of red roses in his hands. That visual alone made her glad that she'd chosen to wear a bodysuit instead of a dress.

“You look beautiful, baby girl. These are for you,” he murmured before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

Delilah blushed, holding the bouquet to her bosom as she inhaled their scent. She let him take her smaller hand in his and led her into the fancy restaurant. The maitre’d was waiting for them already, ushering the pair to a private corner table. The little lanterns above were soothing and illuminated the elegant space. After Josh helped Delilah into her seat and took his place next to her, the waiter handed them their menus and left to give them some privacy. 

“This place is really nice. I get why you wanted us to come here,” Delilah smiled at Josh. 

“Only the best for you, baby girl. Order whatever you want,” he told her simply.

The food was delicious - steak for him, lobster for her - and conversation was fun. There was always such an easy, natural flow between them, and as the night wore on they seemed to grow closer, their laughter softer and their gazes more intent and intimate. They sat side by side, with their shoulders pressed close together. She was soon leaning into him, feeling nice and warm from a mix of Daiquiri and white wine and his bigger muscular body warming hers. It wasn’t the wisest move on her part, but she felt so cozy just being in his presence and she was genuinely enjoying his attention.

It had been a while since she did something like this with Andre.

“I’m lookin’ for a new place in P-cola,” Josh informed her as he took a sip of his champagne. “You said your man’s a landscaper, right?” 

With her dessert fork, Delilah cut up a piece of her red velvet ganache cake slice. “Yeah.”

Josh felt his body flush with desire as he watched her slide the cake into her mouth, licking the fork with long leisurely swipes of her tongue as she relished every delicious crumb. Clearing his throat, he soldiered on. “A’ight, cool. I might hit him up to do some stuff for me.”

Delilah scoffed and took another bite. “Yeah, let’s not do that.”

“Why? What’s the problem? You don’t want him to find out about us or somethin’?” he joked. Or at least he hoped it sounded like one.

She rolled her eyes. “Um, what ‘us’? I’m engaged and you’re married. Remember?”

“Separated,” Josh corrected.

“Right. Not divorced. Big difference.”

“So if I was divorced, would things be different?” Josh inquired.

“With who?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes. “With you and me, duh.”

There he went again. ‘Us’. ‘You and me’. Why did she feel like she was being put on the spot? More importantly, why did she feel guilty for not giving him the answers he wanted? Putting her fork down, her shrug was shy and half-hearted. “I dunno,” she mumbled.

Josh kissed his teeth with a wry smile. “Damn. Way to break a man’s heart, baby girl.”

Delilah shook her head and sipped her drink. “You been sayin’ some wild shit lately.”

“Maybe. But in my defense, I can’t help myself around you sometimes,” he said in a voice so husky that she had to turn her head to face him. His arm had circled her shoulders, bringing her just a little closer to him. The weight of his stare was crushing, and she tried to focus on something else, struggling to steer away from the path she’d thought she could manage venturing down.

“Gee, this is some good cake,” she breathed and picked up the plate of cake a little too aggressively, cursing to herself when some frosting smeared her index finger.

“Let me get that.” Josh reached out to capture her wrist, bringing her finger to his mouth and sucking off the frosting slowly, teasing her, testing her willpower. She sat still, wide eyes locking with his own hypnotic and mesmerizing irises, the color of hot coffee on a cold winter's day. He was such a beautiful man, so sexy that she felt paralyzed, her heart thrumming with a familiar warmth that rushed down south to make her slick between her thighs. The restaurant seemed to shrink around them in the minutes that they stared at each other, that simmering tension finally boiling over to the point of no return.

Josh released her hand to caress her cheek, his tongue snaking out to moisten his lips as he stared her down with a bone-melting intensity.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured, dipping his head and brushing his lips over her own.

It was as if an unstoppable force collided with an immovable object when their mouths met. The first taste of each other only served to heighten the suffocating lust between them. Her fingers raked through his short hair, a low moan escaping her throat when their tongues tangled, her heart thumping rapidly from his sweet taste. This kiss awakened her body in ways only one other man in her lifetime had, burning her from the inside out, burning away all memories of him and leaving her famished for someone else. 

Without breaking the kiss, Josh wrapped his arms around Delilah’s waist and pulled her on top of him. Instantly, she felt his dick, hard and persistent, through his pants and it rubbed against the thin material of her romper, right on her clit. His erection felt big and she instinctively rolled her ass on it, making them both moan. Her lithe, smooth body grinded intimately against his, driving their arousal up another notch. The temperature ratcheted up by several degrees as he gripped her backside in his big hands and moved her back and forth on him, making her ride him like they were naked. In an even bolder move, his fingers weaved under the hem of her bodysuit, spreading her ass cheeks open to tease her pussy from behind.

The feel of his fingertips grazing her entrance snapped Delilah out of her trance, and she jumped as if she’d been burned. She pulled away abruptly and clambered off him, breathing hard like she’d just run a marathon.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry I can’t,” she muttered, refusing to meet his eyes. “I have to go.” Without another word, she snatched her purse and rushed away from their table and out the door. Josh watched her flee, bewildered by her reaction.

-----------------

Ooooh. Thoughts?

Credit to the owners of the pics and gifs.

🏷️: @jxtina-86 @wrestlingprincess80 @fame-ass-ers @southerngirl41 @harmshake @alyyaanna @squishyguishy @jstarr86 @murrylove @thewarlordsworld @mzv11 @cozyaliensuperstar7 @nayys-world @hunnidmilly @cyberdejos2 @papireigns-05  @harmshake @niknakbucks92 @captainwithoutmakingitlove @sovereigngoth @aisharmi @kennedi0818 @alichesmi @thesamoanqueen @herwickedlittlesins @questionable-behaviour @tribalchiefreigns @2-muchsauce @thatbxtchsblog @raya-hunter01 @marchi36753 @lovelysuccess @christinabae @wooahmiri @thatonecarebear @tabletheofhead @rheaanddamianfan @vebner37 @hanley1577 @princessesareforsuckers @-naturally @joannasteez @bbygirlky18 @lilucey @theninthwonder @melaninsugababy @chocovibesonly @msbluehaz3 @scarlettnoir01 @heerah34 @empressdede @tbmotw @darkangelchronicles @visionarymode @marasdeathnote @aintnorainbows @meggylynnloves @shantinextdoor @harlemblipster  @trc-punzel @afterdarkprincess @nbanenefrmdao @sassginaswanmills @purplehairgawdess @holisticcoach @girlwhogaf @royalkay23 @heyitsnajabrinee @stoner2k @reci1996 @catxo @iamimanim @lookmais @ts1mp0ne @lizzyd1ish @m3llowww @skyesthebomb @final1miya @kia1996 @randomuser0711 @yourtribalqueen @caramelcleopatraa @katymae12344 @that-one-anxious-mango @yana3sworld @ajenae @truefant4sy @thetribalqueen @bhjszsdxc @paigereeder @christinabae @justazzi @maknaehyucks @mindairy @headoftheetable @truefant4sy @mscarter213 @ariiaeltheedonn @sageispunk

[especiallythewomenandthechildren]

As If Destiny (part six)🌹

Part Five🌹

PLEASE READ WARNINGS FOR THIS PART! If any section makes you uncomfortable, please take care of yourself and stop reading. The beginning is especially dark so please feel free to skip ahead to the first line break:

⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆

Warnings: Terminal illness, parent death, death and brutality (it is the hunger games after all) Witnessed death and accidental suicide. Insanity suspected and potrayed. characters may be ooc. I read the book a while ago but don't really remember much of Snows way of thinking (I mean I know its toxic and insane but yk the other things) so I will mostly be basing off the film and my own thoughts. Also I can't spell for the life of me so be prepared for bad spelling and grammar. Enjoy loves!

The flowers just seemed to keep on coming. And coming. And coming.

⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆

Of all of the Capitals wealth, the flowers were only the deep color of blood.

It disgusted you.

But that's what it all looked like to your tear covered eyes. Your vision has been blurry since yesterday morning. Since the cold metal of the golden necklace hit your neck.

Reflecting the cold body of your mother.

The funeral feels as if it going on too slow yet too fast. The fake pledges of sorrow and shows of mourning were suffocating you. But saying goodbye is coming too soon. You've had months to say goodbye and yet you chose to run away, your consciousness hissed at you.

The necklace on your neck felt heavy as you picked up the two dangling rings. Those same rings have always brought a sense of comfort and nostalgia as they were a tell tale sign of your mother. You've seen them a million times but never noticed them.

One was a deep gold with vine engravings covering the entirety of the surface. In the middle was a beautiful light green colored stone that seemed to have endless mirroring panels that shone in the light. On the inside there was a small phrase: "To love, alive and ever lasting. "

The engraved words of commitment seemed to have brought new warm and silent tears streaming across your face. The ring must have been your mother's wedding ring as that was your father's declaration to always love her in his wedding vows.

Of course, you only know this because of the countless nights he stayed up watching her withering form. He kept on re-telling her his vows, remembering every word every time.

She never said a word back.

The other ring seemed far older due to the more dusty look of the gold surface. There were engravings of a family crest, symbolizing the Emberidges. Your mother's maiden name and what used to be one of the longest standing powerful families in all of Panem.

While the family blood lived on in you, the name was sacrificed as you took your father last name, the more recently powerful in comparison: Vaun.

You knew that your mother wasn't an only child but her funeral had no appearance of her siblings. Unlike your fathers dear sister who seemed to be in the act of consoling him in the moment and who has been a crucial pillar of care these past twenty eight hours.

No, any maternal aunts and uncles were butchered in the war. Your uncle Averic was deployed to District 12 and martyred in the dense woods. That day was a dark day for all of the Capital. Not only did the head of House Emberidge fall, leaving no children, but so did the head of House Snow, leaving behind only eight-year-old Coriolanus.

And of all the deaths that day, the one that crushed you the most, the heir of House Vaun. Your dear older brother. He was only fifteen when he reportedly butchered by the rebels. They did not deem him fit for a quick death.

While her brother and nephew fought across the nation, you aunt Fiora was behind in the freezing capital like most. She was the youngest of the siblings, only a mere twenty three years old.

When news came of Alerics death, she couldn't handle the suffocation she felt. And to all of the family's pleas to stay inside, she fled. It had been days of dread and being on the look out when you and sometimes Rhayen went searching for food. The coming day of finding her was a harshly rainy one.

You were once again scouring for something to eat when you had saw Clemensia doing the same. You both had shared a look of understanding in your sunken, tired eyes. Something that should have been beyond the years of two eight year olds.

You scoured for any viable sources of nutrition, jumping over and running around the countless dead bodies. Neither of you look at them too long. The sight horrifying for your young eyes and any in general. Clemensia noticed a few bags of moldy peaches and potatoes. You both nearly ran into the nearby wall in excitement. Splitting it evenly, you bid eachother goodbye and wished thr other to be safe. The streets of the crumbled capital were crawling with vultures and bandits who were more than willing to kill for any food. It could be the peaches and potatoes in your hands.

Or more grimly: your hands.

Those thoughts were intensified when you heared the crush of glass behind you.

Please no.

Please just let me get the food to my family.

You didn't have much of a choice but to run as fast as your little legs could take you. As soon as you picked up speed, so did the clearly heavier and older feer behind you. It was clear that you couldn't outrun them so you had to do what you were always warned of: run into the alleys.

You ran through murky puddles as the rain somehow intensified. The alley twisted and curved leading to who knows where. The feet behind you were not distancing themselves from you, motivating you as you began to naturally slow. You scanned the area for any stairs or holes or anything. Down the street, you found a shaky looking staircase. It was risky, but it was a better option than being someone else's meal.

Bags of food still in hand, you forced your tiny body to march the stairs, even taking two at a time.

As soon as you began stepping on the higher level stairs, the previous wooden step broke off and shattered on the ground on impact. That only made your feet go faster. The scream of the man behind you was heard. The same could be said for the sound of his body hitting the ground.

By the time the roof came into view, you were completely out of breath and collapsed onto the solid surface. You had only grasped your breath when you realized you weren't alone. You looked up to see an extremely dishevelled looking woman. Her hair was all knotted and looked as if it was ripped out in certain parts. She was pacing back and forth mubbiling incoherently.

You weren't sure what to do, absolutely horrified by her presence but you couldn't go down the way you came as the stairs were destroyed.

The roof was completely empty expect for a small unit of machinery. Rushing to hide, you didn't notice a few stones in your path. You fell head first but saved yourself with now scraped hands. However, the thud of your body alerted the frantic woman. She seemed feral to you but as her wild eyes searched you, she was no longer just a maniac.

She was your aunt Fiora.

"Cloria? Oh Cloria you are so young!" Her tear stained eyes ran over your figure and she quickly made her way to you, caressing your cheeks. This was the first instance of the now common occurance of your identity confused with your mother.

"Aunt Fi?" You asked wearily, using the nickname to possibly bring her back to reality. But all did was enrage her.

"Fi? FI? How dare you!" Her rage fueled her hand to hit you straight across the cheek. You face felt as if it was burning and tears began forming in your eyes. Your skin felt raw in the place of impact.

But Fiora was off in her own world. Her voice softend but not in realization of her actions. She drifted off into memory and nostalgia.

"Aleric was the one who made it up. Everyone called me that but he made me feel special. He always protected me you know!" Her voice began to crack and the anger came back to fill it. "I'm going to make them suffer. Every last one of them. I will burn their woods to the ground as each of them are tied to a tree for what they did. I swear it! You hear me!" Her impossibly loud declaration was told to the wind as she seemed to have forgotten your presence.

You took your chance to run to the hiding spot you intended. You grabbed the fallen bags and were nearly there when shrieks of insanity hit your ears. You turned to see your aunt clawing at her face while mumbling threats and death wishes.

Blood began pouring and an especially painful scream was heared as she cut her eye. But she didn't stop, the pain only seeming as more encouragement.

You could do nothing but watch the horror show.

You could do nothing as she got closer and closer to the ledge.

You could do nothing as she fell backwards over the edge.

You could do nothing as the sound of her body splattering echoed.

You could do nothing as you heard a group of men with swords ensuring themselves dinner.

Her screams kept on ringing in your ears as they began mixing in with the recent screams of your mother. They sounded so similar.

Is that how I will sound when I am about to die?

Any further thought was cut off by a hand on your arm. You look up to see who it belongs to when a pair of warm brown eyes filled with sympathy meet yours.

"The funeral is over y/n." He says it quietly in the now abandoned graveyard. What goes unsaid is now you have to officially say goodbye.

You look up to him, pleading for just a little more time. But you both know, you have to say goodbye eventually. You take a deep breath and slide your arm into Sejanus's as you walk over to the casket. You didn't know what to say as the words "goodbye" felt too heavy on your tongue.

Your finger brushed the fine wood untill your hand fully stopped on top of where you assumed her heart to be. You were speechless in sorrow and could do nothing but bend over and kiss the top of the casket, near her head. You gave one last look and turned to Sejanus. He gave you an understanding nod.

You both turned as he slide his arm around you for comfort. The walk to your car where a clearly broken Rhayen stood was silent. When you reached the door, Sejanus opened it for you.

"Are you sure you wouldn't feel more comfortable staying with us? Just for a few days?"

You shook your head in response. "I might stay with aunt Aeris with dad. But I don't want to abandon her home too." You said it heavily and he understood.

Sejanus always understood.

He gave you a small nod and weak smile as he gently closed the door. The closer you got to your home, the more gray the sky became.

How fitting.

⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆

The silence of your penthouse was eerie. It seemed to strangle you with the lack of movement. The house felt cold and empty, void of all life. Rhayen had politely retreated to his quarters.

He had basically lost a daughter. There was no way you were going go ask him of any favors or demands. Not like you needed anything. There was plenty of food sent over by ma plinth. It smelled and looked wonderful but you weren't hungry. Your stomach was full with nausea.

You walked into the foyer, lit up by the open windows displaying the gray skies dimming the Capital. The stone was cold beneath your feet as you surveyed the darkly decorated room. It seemed that in that empty moment, every ounce of emotion rushed through your system. All you could remember was crumbling to the floor in anguish. You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but by the time you had been interrupted with a knock on the door, the windows showed a night sky. You assumed it was Sejanus or his ma checking in on you, so you just quickly wiped your face and blew your nose and not taking a real moment to clean your appearance.

Your feet took hurried steps to the door and opened it to see two tall blondes staring back at you. Tigris and Coriolanus are definitely not your expected guests.

Tirgis took one look at your state and leaned over into your space to give you a comforting and genuine hug. You were slightly suprised but readily returned it. You felt protected in her hug, a feeling you've felt absent of lately.

She pulled back to look into your eyes and check over your face. You nodded in reassurance that you will be fine and shifted focus to her cousin. In his hands were stunning white roses.

"We know how hard today has been for you and we don't wish to stay long. We just wanted to give our sentiment and see if you needed anything." Coriolanus said in a tone of fright that he will make you uncomfortable.

You smiled, something that seemed to surprise you all. "Thank you both truly. Please come in!" You opened the door wider so they could follow you but they shared a look of discomfort.

"Y/N, thank you but we wished to just drop by quickly. We don't want to be a burden. You don't have to treat us with those guest pleasantries." Tigris contrasted.

"You said you wanted to help in any way you could correct?" The pair nod in agreement. "Well I think if I had some company would certainly help me right now. Being on my own doesn't seem to be the best option." You softly confessed. There was a shared look between the two before you grabbed Tigris's hand and dragged her in, Coriolanus following after.

Your three walked into your foyer that opened into your kitchen. You motioned for the two to get comfortable as you took the flowers out of the younger cousins hands. Taking a closer look, you realized that these pearly white flowers looked home grown. You laughed grimly.

"A bouquet of grandma'ams roses."

Tigris looked between the two of you, with a sad expression as she took in your deflated form and Coryo's clouded over eyes.

You turned to find a vase to put them in as the tall boy mumbled. You couldn't really make out what it was but Tigris heard him loud and clear.

"You weren't supposed to get them like this."

He shook his head in defeat as you began watering the precious roses, your back facing him.

You turned back around as you placed the case down in the center of the cabinet island.

"Please tell grandma'am thank you, it means a lot." Tigris smiled back in response with a promise to relay your gratitude. The sound of grumbling stomachs filled the now empty room and you jumped to action.

"Y/N please! Just sit down, we will be out of your hair in no time, please just rest!" Tigris was quick to intervene as you scurried around the kitchen, fixing the two a plate from the plentiful food Ma Plinth cooked up. You refused any sort of opposition and claimed that it would be a waste of such food.

Tigris turned around, expecting support from her younger cousin but was met with nothing but distracted eyes. He knew what you were doing.

If you stood still too long, you would begin thinking. Thinking would lead you to drowning in your sorrow. That's why you took any distraction and threw yourself in it. He knew it wasn't healthy and reality would hit you hard.

But maybe when it does, he will be there to help you back up.

For now, he looks at you with such emotion and rawness in his eyes as he thanked you.

You felt that he was the one who deserved thanks, letting you work out your emotion. Eventually, Tigris realized that she wasn't getting anywhere and surrendered to the delicious meal set in front of her. You placed a small amount of food for yourself to not make them feel awkward. However, much to your relief, your conversation was anything but.

The topics ranged from literature to the most recent capital gossip and everything in between. Who would have thought that on one of the worst days of your life you would be laughing so hard. You may have drowned yourself in guilt if you thought too hard on it but it was impossible with every quip and bicker between the three of you.

It was a few hours in when the sudden thought of Coriolanus's pen hit your mind.

"Oh Coryo, I completely forgot to give you back the pen I stole!"

That made Tigris laugh a bit more. You seemed so concerned for such a small matter. The boy who was supposedly "robbed" try to assure you that no harm was done but you refused.

"I'll be right back! Please feel free to grab anymore food and don't you dare be shy!" You demanded as you walked backwards and turned around when you hit the stairs, rushing up to your room.

The path to your room wasn't very far and as soon as you entered, you saw the shiny white and red pen on your desk. It had been a useful distraction yesterday in the painful drive back to your home infested with death and sorrow. You took a deep breath, pushing away the thoughts and grabbed the pen.

You walked back out in a fast pace until you came to a sudden stop. You stood right infront of the doorway of your mother's old makeshift hospital.

Oh how quick the new becomes the old.

The room looked as if it had never even been touched. No cords, pillows, tissues, or mess anywhere. Clean, tidy, and no trace of a cold, decaying life. You weren't sure how long you stood brooding before the sound of glass shattering shook you out of your haze.

In a panic, you rushed down the stairs to be met with the screams of your enraged father. Rhayen was also there and seemed to try to calm him but he kept pushing the elderly man off of him.

"How dare you both! I know the Snows never had any shame but how dare you walk into my home after such a tragedy! Were my son and wife not enough for you?! What need do you have to take the last good thing in my life?!"

You could hear the rage clearly but the heartbreak in his voice was even more evident.

What broke your heart was the sight of Tigris, clearly holding back tears as she thought over all her actions to see what she did wrong. Your eyes shifted slightly to Coriolanus who no longer held the soft expression he showed around you and his cousin. He had his mask shifted back into place, simply taking the attack from the older man.

"Sir please! I know they meant no harm, they are friends of young y/n!" Rhayen's pleas did nothing more than shift your father's anger towards him.

"Friends? And you knew of this and yet did nothing?! You vowed to protect her and you let her associated with such monste-"

"STOP! They are nothing of the sort and simply came to check in on me! They care for me. Nothing but pure and good care and concern!"

You felt your emotion being held back but such a slim shield you put up to ensure as much authority and confidence in your voice.

Your sudden presence shocked your father as he tried to get you to go back up to your outright refusal. His patience had worn thin.

"Your mother is barely cold and you have brought shame upon her memory!"

You couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They weren't violent as you would have expected but silent and delicate. Your body felt nauseous and faint as if you had just been pounced on. The words cut your already shambled heart and formed little scars of pain.

With a deep breath, you looked past your so called father.

"Thank you Tigris and Coryo." You put and emphasis on the nickname as a message to your father. "I am so sorry, please make it home safely."

They both nodded solemnly and Rhayes began to show them the door before being violently pulled back by the man he was now employed under. Even after everything he said, your father still felt the need to show that the Snows were not even woth a servants time.

Tigris looked straight ahead as she walked past the hate filled man and a quick look at you, which you met with an apologetic smile. Coriolanus, however, met his eyes with no sign of emotion expect defiance. You knew how proud Coryo was of his family's name and it was one of the few possessions of his that he could flaunt.

And to have it so openly dragged was not going to be let down easily. You wondered if he would it against you.

But right before he would have vanished from your viewpoint, he looked back at you with those ever melting deep blue orbs. Even after all he endured, he wanted to check if you were okay.

Any possible communication you could have sent his way was cut off by your father moving in between the sight of you two. The blonde boy got the message and with a soft scoff, made his way out the tension filled apartment.

As soon as the door shut, your father turned his gaze to you. Noticing you were still crying, he softened. But you didn't care. You just shook your head and Rhayen's arms came over your shaking body in comfort. Even in the silence of the penthouse, it was hard to hear your paind and soft voice. But they were sharp enough to cut your father's fury.

"I miss mom.You made me realize just how much I miss her."

You didn't want to see his expression or hear any lecture so you made your way up to your room as fast as you could.

You broke away from Rhayen's embrace, leaving him to be in the uncomfortable presence of your father.

"I did the right thing Rhayen. History was repeating itself!" He tried to justify his actions towards the young heirs of Snow.

Rhayen walked past the disgruntled man to the kitchen where the shattered vase and flowers now lay.

When your father walked into your home looking for his daughter, he was met with two blonde heads who looked far too comfortable for his taste. Then the sight of the pristine white roses came into view and memories flooded his system and rage. He couldn't throw the vase against the marble fast enough.

Rhayen sighed, exhausted as he swept up the victims of anger. "You can't say history is repeating if it isn't the same story. Different story, Tyre."

The man in question wasn't convinced and kept on going, pacing back and forth on the other side of the mess.

"I thought she was with Sejanus. He is a good boy. She is safe with him. Why can't she be satisfied with safe? And his parents love y/n! They always rave about her, especially his mother. It even makes me feel jealous!" That made Rhayen scoff.

Oh Tyre sure was jealous but not of the Plinths.

The glass was nearly all cleaned up now, the long serving man was just taking extra measures as Tyre couldn't seem to stop ranting. He knew the man was struggling with the loss of his wife and taking it out on young y/n was just an unfortunate reaction to it.

"Do you know what Casca told me? The Snows are poor. Dirt poor Rhayen! And that peasant has the audacity to walk in here and act as if he is worth a second of my daughter's time! And did you see the way he looked at me! THE WAY HE LOOKED AT HER- Hey! Throw those out! I don't want to see them for a second longer."

Your father declared his distaste to the flowers Rhayen had brushed off and ensured protection.

"I am sorry sir but they seem to be gifts to miss y/n. And if what you heard was true, such roses as these must have been quite expensive and precious, a luxury the Snows could not afford. Yet, the bouquet was gifted." Rhayen offered and began his trudge up the large stairs.

Tyre Vaun couldn't think of anything that would change the elder man's mind. However, at the top of the stairwell, Rhayen turned with one last message.

"The boy grew up without his father. And I think in this case, it was for the best."

Maybe in the case of the son of Crassus Snow, growing up without the cold father really was for the best.

⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆

You stared up at your textured ceiling as you twirled Coryo's pen in your hand. You stopped thinking a while ago. You just let your mind be taken over the fog as your finger played with the odd texture of the pen. There was clearly something engraved but due to the white surface, you couldn't tell what.

Your little escape of peace from today's activities was interrupted by the knock and subsequent opening of your cream colored door. You turned your head and a relieved sigh was breathed between your lips. Rhayen walked in with one hand behind his back.

He opened the small light near your desk for some light in your dark room but not the overhead ones as to to not burn your eyes. The small action brought a small smile and warmth to your heart.

But that warmth spread all over as you saw what he was hiding behind his back. The beautiful roses of Coriolanus. You looked up at him with a look that you warm even the coldest of men.

He smiled at your joy. "I couldn't save the vase, but I think these are what matter." You take the roses in you hands as you just sat there astonished.

Even though they were flung across the room and smashed, they seemed even more beautiful than before. In the dim dark light, their little rips and dips just added to their radiance.

You were so engrossed with the roses that you didn't notice Rhayen leave your room, closing the door behind him. Getting up, you moved the bouquet to the vase that stood proudly in the middle of your vanity with the other white flowers Coryo picked for you on your walk.

It brought you a great amount of joy that the flowers that joined it were from the same charming boy.

When you walked back to your bed, a small note caught your eye. You unraveled it and a shiny ring fell out. In fear of losing it, you quickly pick it up. Taking a brief look, it was a bright silver with small dazzling blue diamonds surrounding the surface. Your attention is returned to the note.

"This was gifted to your sweet mother when she was your age. You wear her face, her character, and now her rings. It would be an offense to her not to share this last part of her. Don't tell your father but be patient with him. And remember your mother's words: don't change sweet girl."

The letter wasn't signed but you could tell from the slightly messy and angled handwriting it was from Rhayen. He had taught himself to write and you knew he would use the skill whenever he had the chance. And you were most glad that he used it now.

Even though the note and the words within them suprised you slightly. You put the note by the flowers and took the ring in your hands.

Beneath the light, all the details were brought out. The small diamonds were more than there for show. In fact there placement was quite intentional. It seemed that thousands of miniature diamonds were placed to form a beautiful shape, each a bit different than the others on either side.

As you slid the ring in place with the others on your neck, you take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror. On either side, there was a golden ring but in the middle stood out a bright silver.

A ring that dazzled in the light and the dark.

The ring of a thousand snowflakes.

The ring of Snow.

⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry if you got notification that it posted earlier and saw nothing, tumblr was freaking our on me and kept on posting my drafts! I know this was far longer than the last part, thank you for reading. And I am sorry if this was a bit too dark but I think it's important for context later in the story and especially readers struggle with the Hunger Games and morals. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Much love! ❤️

@notyourwildestdream 🌹@darktrashsoulbear🌹@fantasylovestoryme 🌹@nekee-lilac02 🌹@a-avengerparker 🌹 @queenofshinigamis 🌹@darlingisntit 🌹

[nelyastudies]

07.21.2024 / public health rotation 🌼🌸🌺🐝

german study (10m)

diabetes module (4h)

get milk for malnutrition program home visits (1h)

guided meditation (1h)

fun stuff

trying discord study room! it was fun

listening to my swagous playlist on the bike ride

also my longest bike ride! 17.35 km is a new high!

🎧 - lonely, jonghyun ft. taeyeon

yapping below

(i am going to sound INSANE. i will remind u guys that i take aripiprazole and all the bunch other, im okay!)

i was complaining to ven that it's been a while since i dream about jonghyun and the next day i saw the moon in such a peculiar brightness and color (show off). the moon here usually looks pale yellow, but yesterday it was cold white and very very bright. call me insane but i will take it as a reassurement.

today was the same, i was biking around listening to playlist i made for AJ and snooping milk prices in a supermarket when i found oronacimin C there. i instantly remember the silly advertisement jjong recorded long ago where he looked very very happy. the drink is not commonly found here (local competitors won in both taste and price) and i will be lying if i say i didnt hold on to it like its my newborn baby.

i decided that i will share the vitamin drink with jjong today. i biked a long time looking for somewhere pretty to sit down and drink. i biked past rivers and irrigation channels and vast paddy fields and coconut orchards. i didnt even realize how far i have cycled, far beyond my usual meters, my eyes were scouting for pretty places and lost in reverie at the same time.

i found a big and pretty tree on the other side of a big irrigation channel, green and inviting. beyond it were paddy fields as far as eyes can see and little grey hills beyond. i'm lucky that the bridge over the channel was cemented, so i can cross it safely. i biked on the small cemented path and then to a tiny dirt path. in the intersection, i saw some children trying to climb up and reach fruits of a keres tree. not far from that, some boys are splashing in a river and somersaulting, the sound of water and wind was musical, almost singing alongside my spotify playlist. it felt right. in that exact moment, the song ended and another song began. it was lonely by jjong. i'm happy hearing his voice and that he decided to meet me here. it was the right place, i was certain. so i sat down on the grass and get my drink from my satchel. poured some to the soil in front of me and say a little prayer for jonghyun, that he is happy, that all his good deeds are cherished and all his faults forgiven. i biked home with an uplifted heart. i have no doubt that wherever he is, he is happy and at peace. i am certain that he is somewhere better than here. if i want to meet him someday, i will have to do many good deeds. i do wish to meet him someday. not too soon i hope though, i have to live my life first. i hadnt even do half the good things he had done in life. i pray that i succeed.

[itaerae]

cupid 💭💭

pairing: ollie x hopeless!reader

summary: a hopeless romantic who’s given up with love. will a boy as sweet as chocolate be able to melt their heart ? psst, cupid is so dumb !

word count: 614

warnings: defo inspired by cupid from fifty fifty; angst if you squint ! (not proofread)

notes: i’m so nervous for this thursday, praying ollie doesn’t get eliminated rn ୨୧

ollie, the guy with the cute smile and personality was unfortunately your admirer. you couldn’t quite wrap your head around the question; why would he choose you out of anyone in the school. he’s an odd one, isn’t he ?

too bad you’ve given up interest when it comes to love. everything just ends in heartbreak anyway. love is like a fairytale they say, it could either be the worst thing or the best thing in your life. unluckily, you learned the hard way; love just wasn’t it for you.

hearts were broken way too many times, you just couldn’t take anymore chances. so why did he have to come and invade the walls you’ve built ?

class ended like usual, same old couples were spotted left and right in the hallways. you can’t lie, you were a bit bitter. “why date when you can just love yourself ?” you muttered, unlocking your locker.

and there they were, daily gifts and letters ollie would place in your locker. normally you would just ignore them, but today your mood was quite sour. seeing these fueled your resentment and annoyance for the poor boy.

snatching them, you stomped down the hallway looking for your victim. finally, you spotted him strolling around, chocolate bar in one hand. you grouched your way toward the unsuspecting target.

“how many times have i told you to stop giving me these useless things !” you practically threw them in his face. “i don’t like you ollie, i never will. just stop bothering me !” maybe you went too far, but red took over your vision.

he looked shocked, honestly hurt. defeated, he waved his hands in the air. “alright.. i won’t annoy you anymore” he picked at his fingers, looking down towards the concrete. you huffed and walked away.

physics was really waring you out today, you could really use one of those chocolate bars from ollie. you opened your locker to nothing, at first you were surprised. then you realized the events that took place yesterday; guilt clouded your mind.

you didn’t mean to take all your frustration out on the boy, but you couldn’t help yourself. you just decided to by some snacks from the vending machine. while on your path, you noticed ollie studying in the lounge.

he also noticed you but a look of realization flashed across his face, and he looked away. you felt bad of course, he basically resembled a kicked puppy. the whole afternoon you thought of ways to apologize, but every thought made you cringe. you groaned and banged your head on the desk.

ollie indeed still admired you from afar, so when he learned you were plotting an apology for him; his heart constricted. he was completely swoon over you, and the thought of you finally giving him a chance had him over the moon. that night, he went home and prepared one of his infamous gifts.

you thought ollie was really upset at you. he hadn’t greeted you as usual in two days. that was the longest you’ve ever seen him distance himself. you mentally cursed yourself for crushing the poor boys heart. you may or may not have developed some feelings too.

opening your locker to grab some textbooks, the first thing you noticed was the familiar heart shaped note. your heart skipped a beat, you opened it immediately.

my heart somehow finds its way back to you, will you allow me to melt yours like chocolate ? -ollie

you were astonished to say the least; he was still choosing you. his devotion had you levitating, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. you were gonna make him yours.

[tightjeansjavi]

Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ: Part 5 ‘Long Long Time’

A/N: holy fuck. Can you see my tears through the screen? This chapter was so difficult to write. It’s so fucking beautiful and it hurts. My god does it hurt. Hope you all have the tissues and wine ready, you’re gonna need it ☻

Summary: Joel and Tess leave the Boston QZ and go to Bill and Franks to retrieve the medicine for you. Joel is determined to hold his promise to you true and return in 3 days time. Will he keep that promise? Or will logic of the situation at hand and his conflicted feelings for Tess, get in the way?

~word count : 5k~ (longest chapter yet, babes!)

Warnings: age gap (m/c is 28) angst, love triangle, mentions of death, mentions of child loss, swearing, unrequited love, conflicted feelings, betrayal, implied smut, feelings of guilt (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter:

“Long Long Time” by Linda Ronstadt

“tolerate it” by Taylor Swift

“Roslyn” by Bon Iver & St Vincent

“my tears ricochet” by Taylor Swift

“It’ll All Work Out” by Phoebe Bridgers

“Lover, Please Stay” by Nothing But Thieves

“illicit affairs” by Taylor Swift

“Fine Line” by Harry Styles

________________

October 2020: 10 miles outside the Boston QZ

Joel was never one to admit that he was good at communicating his feelings. Even before the world as he knew it, ended. He struggled. Sarah was always there to help him along the way, always encouraging him, and he never thanked her enough for it. Joel however, was good at picking up on a person’s body language. He could figure you out with just one look. If you were deemed a good person, he’d know. If you were nervous, he’d know. He had no issues picking up on human emotions and moreso, with those closest to him.

So when Tess had barely exchanged more than a few words with him as they made the trek out of the Boston QZ, he knew she was upset. When she refused to take his offered hand over a pile of rubble, he knew she was fucking livid with him. As they moved through the barren city, he took a mental note that there were more infected crawling through each year. He recounted the safest routes, and the unsafe ones. Joel was extremely observant when it came to the possibility of life, or death. Tess was always a good talker, Joel had come to find this out quickly when they had first met. She was fierce, determined and loyal to a fault. When it came to interrogating someone, Joel always let her take the reins. While he would be in the back of the room, leaned against the door, arms crossed casually, and his teeth grinding. His eyes would be locked on whatever fucker crossed them this time, waiting for his moment to come. Tess was the brains, and Joel? Joel was the guns. Their partnership flowed flawlessly, till you came along.

The truth was, Tess probably wouldn’t have hated you as much as she did if you hadn’t thrown a knife at her man’s face three years ago. She remembers the rage she felt towards you like it had happened just yesterday. She’d be lying to herself if she hadn’t wished that you had been infected, just so she could kill you herself. Tess believed that you two probably could have been friends if things had gone differently. If you had stayed at an arm's length, instead of living in her home? Sure, you could be friends. Tess knew that you were useful. That was one thing she would willingly admit but ever since you stepped into Joel’s life, she felt him slipping away from her, day by day. Feelings were dangerous, especially in a world where you had no clue if you would wake to see the sunrise again. Tess never asked Joel to reciprocate her feelings for him. It was an unspoken rule between them. She knew he did care for her from his acts of service, it was his love language. She had figured it out the first time he had taken care of her when she was wounded, nearly a decade ago. It made her feel special but now that he had given you the same treatment, those feelings dissipated.

She had walked far ahead of him as they had made it out of the fallen city, unscathed. She wanted him to know that she was upset with him. That this was not worth risking her life. She wasn’t doing this for you, she was doing this for him. Her loyalty was to a fault, even when she knew he was wrong.

Joel had to take long strides to keep up with her, muttering about his back as the sun beat down on them. It may be October but it was unseasonably mild for this time of the year. Finally, he spoke. Raising his voice an octave so she could hear him.

“Can you slow it down for a minute? Tess?”

She slowed her pace then, coming to a stop before she turned towards him, hands on her hips. She was annoyed.

“I thought it was absolutely crucial to you that we get to Bill and Frank’s before nightfall.”

She watched as Joel had finally caught up to her, one hand on his lower back as he straightened his posture, letting out a low huff. “Yeah.” he spoke. “That’s what I said, and we’ll still make it there no problem. But there ain’t no reason for us to be using up all our energy on walkin this fuckin fast.”

She nodded then, her lips curving up into a small grin as she shook her head at him. “Oh, alright. Well considering it’s really not all that important after all, why don’t we catch our breath? Enjoy the absolutely fuckin breathaking scenery.” She deadpanned.

He chuckled then. Using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked around at the vast amount of trees surrounding them. “Y’know what? You’re absolutely right. Let's stop here for a while and I'll get us some cold ones. Doesn’t that sound nice? Give me a fuckin break, Tess.” He walked ahead of her then, shoulder checking her as he passed.

“Look at you old man. Real jokester now, huh?” She walked after him then, giving his back a good shove because fuck him for getting annoyed with her. He had no right.

Joel spun around then, kicking up a cloud of dirt from how quickly he had turned to face her. His eyes were narrowed and the veins on the side of his neck were bulging out. “You really want to start this right here, right now? You gotta be fuckin kidding me.”

“We shouldn’t even be out here right now Joel. This is fucking stupid and you know it. She has a fever, for fuck sakes! She’s not dying and there are far more important things that we could be doing right now. I swear to god if we end up dying to get this fuckin medicine, I will haunt you for the rest of your dying days.” She threw her hands up in the air exasperated.

“Then why the hell did you agree to come with Tess? Hmm? You think this is so stupid? Fine, go back home then. I can handle this shit on my own. No problem.” He spoke sternly. She could hear the hint of disappointment in his tone.

“I agreed to come with you because we’re a team, Joel.”

“Yeah? Are we really a team Tess? Cause lately all you’ve been ‘fuckin wantin to do is argue. Getting this medicine for Gwen is important to me so like I just said, you don’t wanna be here? Then leave.” He looked her in the eyes momentarily before he turned on his heel and continued down the trail, his shoulders tense and his knuckles clenching at his sides.

His words stung, cutting into her like knives and she stood there for a moment, hesitating. A part of her wanted to turn around and go back home. Except, the Boston QZ was never her home. Not really and especially not with you in it. She half expected her partner to turn around, to make sure that she was still behind him. Her hope was diminished as he continued walking. Tess was beginning to realize in that moment that Joel was no longer entirely hers. The shimmering mirage of their once flawless partnership was fading fast; faster than she could keep up with.

Joel was pissed, furious even. His feelings were conflicted. Tess had been his partner in crime forever and he had grown to care for her. How could he not? He had seen her through her highs, and her lows. He had taken care of her when she was injured and she had done the same for him. With you now in the picture, things had become muddled for him. He couldn’t quite grasp what he felt for you. You were attractive, there was no doubt there but why the hell was he going out of his way for you like this? Risking his life? Why did he care so much? Deep down, Joel knew the answer, but he was too ashamed to admit it.

Joel knew he had to be the bigger man. His nature was to be stubborn, hard headed. It’s my way or the highway. Hit the road Jack, fuck you mentality. Being the bigger man was never easy. In order to appease Tess, he was going to have to go against his nature.

When he could no longer hear her footsteps behind him, he stopped in the middle of the dirt trail. Digging the heel of his worn boots into the dusty earth, physically having to ground himself from continuing forward without her. Swallowing his pride, he slowly turned around and walked back towards her. Each step he took felt heavier and heavier. Once she was close enough where she could hear him, he stopped. Turning his head to the side slightly, his jaw clenched before he finally looked at his partner.

“Alright. I’m only gonna say this once so please, just listen to me Tess.”

He watched her slowly come to a halt in front of him, arms crossed over her chest and she gave a slight nod, indicating that he was allowed to continue.

“Now I know how you feel about Gwen. Hell, I know that last night you were probably prayin for that device to turn red, right? Just so you could shoot her yourself.”

“You’re right, I was.” She spoke with zero hesitation.

He gave her a slight look then, a disapproving one.

“Yeah, that part is pretty fuckin clear to me. What I’m tryin to say is that you’re right. Goin out here to get her some medicine is fuckin stupid. She ain’t gonna die. It’s just a little fever, right?”

“What are you fuckin tryin to get at here Joel? If you’re just gonna throw it back in my face, don’t waste your fucking breath.” She spoke, already turning her body away from him to walk away.

Joel had reached out and grabbed her arm firmly, pulling her back around to face him.

“Don’t you fuckin turn your back on me when I’m talkin to you Tess. Don’t you dare.”

She narrowed her eyes at him then before glancing down at his fingers wrapped around her arm, his touch burned. She hated how he had this effect on her.

“I agree that it’s fuckin stupid but I made a promise back there. I promised her that we would get her the medicine, and be back in three days time. I intend to keep that fuckin promise with, or without you.”

His grip softened slightly, their chests were close enough to touch and every fiber in his being was screaming at him for allowing them to be exposed out in the open like this. Their breaths were mixing together, he had sweat dripping down his brow from the sun beating down on them and his chapped lips were slightly parted. Even in this condition, he looked kissable. He always looked kissable.

“Please, Tess. I don’t wanna fight with you anymore.” His tone was soft, whispering to her like the soft breeze through the tri-colored leaves dangling from the branches above.

Tess could feel her walls crumbling from his every word. Her mind was screaming at her to not fall for the trap he had set. He was playing her like a violin, a perfect melody, only for her ears. Her heart sang for him, their lives could end at any moment and it wouldn’t have mattered because at least now she knew that Joel Miller still felt for her.

“Fine.” She finally spoke. Her free hand had been gently placed on his chest, pushing him back a few steps because the close proximity was killing her, depleting the oxygen in her lungs and shrouding her sense of self control.

“We’re wasting precious daylight just standing here. Let’s move.” She refused to meet his eyes as she pulled her arm from his grip, and walked past him once more.

Joel stood there for a moment as she walked ahead of him. Grinding his teeth together before he took a deep breath. He hoped that this would be the last argument they would have over you. He was naive to believe that this would be the last time, not when you were unknowingly driving a wedge between him and Tess. He couldn’t blame you, not really. You hadn’t done anything wrong. Other than the fact that somehow you had chipped away through rough terrain enclosing his heart. You had chipped away the rubble, piece by piece and Joel knew then that he felt for you.

After stopping at the abandoned gas station where the pair had stashed ammo from their frequent trips out of the QZ, they had a 5 mile hike ahead of them before they would reach Bill and Frank's oasis. Their walk was silent, both parties were deep in their thoughts. The tension could be cut through with a knife. Joel hated every second of this hike. The only comfort he could find was from the gentle breeze through the trees and the occasion song of a nearby cardinal.

He walked behind his partner, his gaze burning holes into the back of her head. She could feel it. Tess had come to a slow stop up ahead. Joel knew why. He remembered the first time they had come out here. Finding the skeletal remnants of people. Healthy, innocent, people. Tess had collapsed into his arms that day, her sobs sinking into the sweat soaked fabric of his shirt. He remembers the way his hands held her body close to his, his fingers splayed across her lower back. He felt his own tears begin to well in his eyes. He had past visions of Sarah. The sound of his pleas for the soldier to not shoot. The bullets whizzing, her fallen body in the dried grass. “You’re okay. Please, you’re okay. Move your hand, baby.” He remembers the fear in his baby girl’s eyes. Her blood soaked shirt. her blank, lifeless stare. Her body going cold in his grasp as he clutched her to his chest, sobbing.

Joel came beside her then, looking down at the remains. These people were not infected. They were innocent and healthy. Just like his baby girl and the government didn’t care. They were just as merciless as the cordyceps. He lightly brushed his fingers against her arm, catching her attention as she leaned into his embrace. They stood over the makeshift grave, unspoken. The moment ended when Tess could no longer feel his warmth. He had walked away.

They continued on. Approaching the abandoned town shortly after, that now only inhabited Bill and Frank. You remember the first time you met Bill and Frank. Bill didn’t like you, naturally. He didn’t like anyone you came to find out. Except Frank, he adored Frank. Frank had adored you. Called you his little bird. You both shared passions for the simple things in life. A good book, wine and art. All kinds of art. While you and Frank would be puttering around the house showing you his new paintings, Joel, Tess and Bill would be talking business. Joel remembered the first time he saw your true smile, when he heard your infectious laugh. This little piece of normalcy, hidden away from the cruel truths of the outside world made you so fucking happy. Joel saw the way your eyes lit up and god, did it twist his heart.

It felt wrong to him that moment that you weren’t there with them. He imagined your misery back in the quiet apartment with your lucid fever. Pushing his emotions aside, Joel and Tess stopped at the chain link fence before he pressed down on the buttons, typing in the code he knew by heart now. The gate opened seconds later as they walked through. Listening to the gate close behind them with a light clink.

Bill and Frank were not expecting any guests today. You, Joel and Tess were their only “friends” and normally, Joel would give Bill a heads up through the radio system but this time he hadn’t. Bill wasn’t phased when Joel and Tess popped up on the monitor screen while he sat in his doomsday bunker. He muttered under his breath then, something along the lines of, “these fuckers really couldn’t give me a heads up?” “Fuckin Joel.” He continued, slowly rising from his chair and headed up the ladder, pushing the latch up before his head appeared from the bunkers opening.

“Frank!” He yelled. No answer. With a huff, he pulled himself out of the bunker and latched the door shut.

“Frank!” He yelled again, frustratingly this time.

“Yes?” His lover’s voice answered him from the sun room, which was now his own art studio.

“We got company.” He could hear Frank's excited footsteps padding towards him then. It had been awhile now since they had seen their friends.

“Our little Bird?” He asked hopefully.

Bill shook his head then. “Just Joel and Tess this time. Woulda appreciated the heads up.”

Frank’s face fell slightly when his lover confirmed that you weren’t with them this time. He hoped that you were okay and that nothing had happened. He was quite fond of you.

“Now, where would the fun be in that?” He mused. Leaning down and grabbing his lover's face gently, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before he pulled away, heading towards the front door.

Bill was already walking towards the kitchen. He was annoyed but he took pride in being a good host. He loved to cook. Just as much as he loved a good bottle of wine, specifically a bottle of ‘Louis Jadot Beaujolais-Villages.’ It paired nicely with roast rabbit and sautéed root vegetables. Just the right amount of sweetness to spice; notes of strawberries and black cherries. Light on the palate.

While Bill was tending to the meal, Frank was outside, greeting the unexpected arrival of their friends. He knew Joel wasn’t a hugger by any means but Tess was always open to one. He embraced her, giving her a light squeeze. Joel had given him a slight head nod, hands shoved deep in his jean pockets. Small talk was shared as Frank brought them over to the outdoor dining set up, pulling the chairs back for them like a good host. He went inside momentarily, grabbing the wine and plates and shortly after, Bill had come outside with their meal.

Once the plates were set, the wine was poured, the conversation ensued. Bill was the first to speak as he cut a small chunk of the perfect roasted rabbit on his plate.

“So to what do we owe the pleasure? Would it also kill ya to use the damn radio Joel? That’s what it’s there for. Y’know, to communicate.”

Joel had taken a sip of his wine, letting it seep into his taste buds. It was far more satisfying than his hooch at home.

“Sorry ‘bout that. I had meant to give you that heads up but we were in a rush. Didn’t have the time.”

Bill raised his brow then as he stared at the broader man across the table and as he was about to speak, his lover cut him off.

“Where’s our little bird?” Frank asked, a sense of caution in his tone. If something had happened to you, he would be devastated.

Joel paused then, looking at Tess for a moment before he sighed, leaning back against the chair slightly as he spoke.

“She’s sick.”

Bill was already pulling his gun from his holster, pointing it at Joel. He didn’t hesitate.

Joel didn’t even flinch. Bill had pulled a gun on him the first time they met so there was no room for him to be surprised and he couldn’t really blame him. He would have done the same thing if he were in Bill’s shoes.

“Easy now. Don’t point that gun in my face. She ain’t infected and neither are we. She has a fever, a bad one. Chance she might not make it. We came out here ‘cause she needs medicine. There’s nothing in the QZ, and the hospitals outside the city have been picked over.”

Bill, seeing that there was no immediate threat, grabbed his gun and tucked it back in the holster.

“You really didn’t have a fuckin chance to say that over the radio?”

“Nope. Didn’t want to risk someone hearin and we had to move quick.”

Frank was already getting up from his seat, his body turned in the direction of the house to go and get the medicine and some herbal teas for you. Bill had reached out and grabbed his arm firmly then. “Hang on there just a minute, Frank.”

“She’s sick. They need the medicine and I'm going to go get it.”

Bill let out a deep sigh then, releasing his lover’s arm then before he faced forward.

“Well, I'm sorry that she’s sick. Hope she makes it through.”

Joel could only nod then as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a carton of bullet cartridges and a packet of strawberry seeds, sliding it across the table.

“Sorry it’s not more. Fedra has been ‘crackin down hard lately and we don’t have the particular taste to end up in lock up. Can’t really afford that right now.”

Bill nodded, grabbing the bullet cartridges and the packet of strawberry seeds.

“Don’t sweat it, Joel. I know how those fucks can be. We’d be all better off if they would just fuck off and eat a bag of dicks.”

Joel couldn’t help but grin a little then and he imagined you would have found Bill’s comment to be humorous. Maybe you would even giggle. Joel swore that he could hear your sweet laugh now, it was haunting him.

“Thank you. You know how much I appreciate it.”

“Like I said, don’t sweat it.”

The three returned to their meal, savoring each bite. The only sound that could be heard was the occasional clinking of cutlery on china.

Frank had returned with a small burlap sack, tied with twine. Inside was the medicine you would need. Aspirin, cough drops and herbal teas. He had also included a small portrait of you on a homemade canvas. The canvas edges were rough and bumpy, but your face was distinguishable and life-like. He walked over to Joel then, placing the sack down in front of him.

Joel gave the other man a slight nod then, grabbing the small sack and slipped it into his coat pocket.

_________

The sun was beginning to set and there was a slight chill in the air. Joel and Tess were kind enough to help the couple clean up after their meal, Tess helping with the dishes in the kitchen while Joel was out front with Bill, checking to make sure there were no weaknesses in the perimeter fence. He was on edge as it grew darker, all he could think about now was getting back to you.

Bill seemed to have been reading his thoughts then.

“You’re not seriously thinkin of turning this into a suicide mission, are you? We had raiders last month man. Had to reinforce the fence. You don’t wanna be out there when it's pitch black out Joel. Trust me.”

Joel rolled his shoulders back then, he knew it was completely illogical for them to travel back to the QZ overnight. It was dangerous and there was no doubt in his mind that it could turn into a suicide mission in a flash.

“We don’t have much of a choice. You don’t understand, Bill. She could die from this. Common illnesses can still be unforgiving, especially now.”

Bill chuckled then. Shaking his head cause he knew Joel had it bad for you. It was obvious considering the lengths he was going for you. Risking his life like this. It was completely irrational.

“Well, good luck with convincing Tess that you’re leaving tonight.” He gave him a small salute then and headed inside.

Joel felt his shoulders slump inwards then, watching as Bill walked away and he knew he was going to have to fight tooth and nail with Tess, again.

“Yeah. Thanks for that. G’nna need all the fuckin luck I can get.” He gruffly spoke to himself.

The sun had completely dipped on the horizon, darkening the sky as the million of stars above were beginning to peek through the black cloak.

Joel had headed into the house then, lightly closing the door behind him and he could hear Linda Ronstadt’s ‘Long Long Time’ crackling through the old record player in the living room and Tess and Frank’s warm chatter flowing through the kitchen. The worn wood creaked under the heavy footsteps of his boots. He paused outside the opening of the kitchen, leaned against the cabinets, with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Tess, we gotta head out. It’s gettin dark.”

Tess slowly turned her head then, her face falling ever so slightly at her partner's request and she set down the towel she had been using to dry the dishes. Frank gave her a sympathetic look and grabbed his half filled glass of wine and left the kitchen quietly.

“You’re honestly out of your goddamn mind if you think we’re gonna travel tonight and make it out alive Joel.”

“You knew this was coming Tess. We ate, we got the medicine, and now we have to leave.”

She ran her fingers through her hair then. Smoothing her ponytail down slightly to ground herself.

“Joel. We’re not gonna make it 5 miles out there without the daylight and you fuckin know it.”

He scoffed then. Chewing on his lower lip hard because while he was being stubborn and irrational, he knew Tess was right. They wouldn’t make it very far out there like this.

“I don’t care. We can make camp at the midpoint and I'll stay on watch the whole night.”

Tess took a few steps towards him then, finding herself standing between his legs, smoothing her hands up his chest, feeling his muscles tense beneath her touch.

“Joel, we’re staying here. We’re spending the night. We’re gonna shower and have a decent fucking nights sleep and then we’ll leave in the morning.”

He breathed through his nose then, turning his head to the side slightly with his jaw clenched and his hands balled in fists at his sides.

“Fine. You can stay here and have all that Tess. I’m leaving.” He spoke with a sense of finality in his tone.

She had grabbed his jaw then with her fingers, forcing him to look at her then. Her other hand was wrapped around the collar of his shirt, fingers threading through the worn material.

“Joel. I’m exhausted. You’re exhausted and we’re safe here. We will leave first thing in the morning, I promise.”

Joel allowed her to turn his head to face her. He didn’t have it in him to argue anymore. He was exhausted and a shower and warm bed sounded fucking delightful. He felt guilty in those moments because he felt like he was betraying you and breaking the promise he made.

His fists slowly unclenched as he brought his hands around her waist, playing with the thin material of her shirt. He looked into her eyes and gave her a short nod of his head. He had made his decision then.

“Fine. we’ll shower, spend the night and leave first thing in the morning.”

Tess had loosened her grip on his jaw then. Letting her fingers gently brush across the coarse hair of his beard.

“Good. You could really use a shower. Could smell you a mile away.”

He felt his lips quirk up slightly from her playful remark but his heart hurt, and the guilt swirled around his gut like crashing waves on the rocky shoreline.

He helped his partner finish with the dishes then as if this was a normal routine for them. As if for a moment this was their simple, domestic life together. They bid their goodnights to the couple before heading to the guest room.

Joel allowed her to strip him of his clothing while the steam from the shower enveloped them in a comforting warmth. Coating their skin and the mirror behind them. He allowed her to scrub away the dirt and grime from his body under the scalding stream. His eyes were closed as the water beat down on him. He shouldn’t enjoy these simple pleasures. Not when he knew you were in pure misery, miles and miles away. He allowed himself to open his eyes, dip his head down before capturing her lips between his. Kissing her languidly with his hand gingerly cupping her face as he backed her into the shower wall. He allowed himself to bury himself in her, drinking in her whimpers as he jutted his hips into hers over, and over again. Your image was plastered into his brain with each sharp thrust. He could see the disappointment painted on your beautiful face, your tears soaking your soft skin, leaving salty streaks in their wake.

He finished with his face buried in her shoulder, biting down on her soft skin, panting out her name, above a whisper. His heart was screaming yours. He allowed himself to share one final kiss before he pulled away, turning the handle to the side and listening to the water still and lightly drip. He grabbed a towel for himself, wrapping it around his hips and grabbed the other for her. Gently wrapping her in its warmth.

That night while his body was tangled with his partner, holding her close to his chest, enveloped under the warmth and comfort of fresh sheets. He thought about you and the guilt of his betrayal. His sins against you. He broke his promise and he was going to have to live with it.

In your misery, you cried yourself to sleep that night. Clutching the blanket through trembling fingers. The worn pillow beneath your head soaked in your tears. Your last thought before sleep overcame your senses was Joel, and his promise of return. You held onto his promise like an oath.

CHAPTER 6:

[fordchen]

My forever bestfriend

I shed a few tears writing this. I hope you like it!

It had been a long day at the Mid-Wilshire police station. Lucy had recently received a Golden Ticket and after a few days, she chose to become a detective in the Juvenile Division after realizing that undercover work wasn’t made for her. Ever since dating Tim, undercover work stopped making sense to her. The Juvenile Division made perfect sense for her because of what some coworkers had deemed her superpower — her empathy.

Yet, it had been a draining day. She faced hard cases after the other and after days of doing overtime, she needed some time alone. She texted Tim to let her know she had to make a stop before coming back home before she headed to the cemetery. She slowly walked through the cemetery until she reached Jackson’s headstone. She smiled weakly as she sat down, tears immediately falling down her face. It had been a long time since her last visit. Work had been so busy that she never found the time to visit her best friend. It had been 5 years since Jackson’s death, yet it still felt like yesterday. She could still hear his voice at times or picture his reactions in certain situations. Saying she misses him would be an understatement. Life was unfair. “Hey Jackson.” Lucy said as she wiped her tears away, staring at his name and the fresh flowers in front of her. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. Work has been insane. I actually got a golden ticket recently and became a Detective in the Juvenile Division. It’s been a lot but I am very happy. I know I said for the longest time that I wanted to become an undercover cop but it didn’t make sense, Jackson. I can’t do that to Tim, and it’s honestly too dangerous.” She said, letting out a sigh. She swore that she could sense his presence and closed her eyes for a few seconds, embracing the silence. “Speaking of Tim, we got engaged last weekend. I know you weren’t too far, I sensed your presence and made the moment even more special. He is my everything. I know that you would tease me, and you would be absolutely right! Can you remember how much I complained about him during our rookie year? and how he absolutely drove me crazy?” She let out a wet giggle. “He is the love of my life and my biggest supporter. He has grown so much since I have met him and I am sure you would absolutely love him. I… I actually am keeping a little secret and I wanted you to be the first to know.” She said as she placed a hand on her small stomach bump. “I found out I was pregnant today. I had been sick for a few days and didn’t think much of it, yet after talking to Angela, I decided that maybe taking a test would be worth it and it definitely was. I can’t wait to tell Tim. He has been waiting for this moment for so long… Other than that, everyone is doing well. Baby Jackson is turning 5 in a few weeks and I’m in charge of organizing his birthday party. Angela and Wesley have faced some hardships lately, struggling to deal with their jobs and kids but they figured it out. Your parents have been amazing and become my parents in some way… We constantly talk about you, your dad is retiring soon. He realized how precious life is and that he wants to enjoy every second possible. I think I’m going to ask your dad to walk me down the aisle since my parents rejected me.”

It slowly became darker outside as the sun was setting. She felt her phone buzz as Tim texted her to check if she was okay. She knew she had to get going and got up, not really wanting to leave. “I miss you, Jackson. It has been really hard recently… I’m going through every life event we once dreamed about together and it has hit me all at once. You should be here with us, life is unfair. I forget your voice sometimes and have to listen to videos for hours to make sure I won’t forget it again. I love you and I promise I will visit you soon okay?” She put a hand on his headstone and gave it a weak smile before she suddenly felt two arms wrapped around her from behind. She immediately relaxed, knowing it was Tim. Tim placed a kiss on her head as he held her close to him, rocking her gently to soothe her. “Come on baby, let’s get you home. It’s been a long day. See you soon, Jackson.” He whispered before walking with her to his truck.

[pisboy]

Continuing from my read more posted last night: my cat Tib went missing thru a door that got unexpectedly opened while I was on vacation and had been open for at least 2 days before someone noticed. so i had to drive myself back home to help search for him. The only saving grace in this scenario is that my other cat Lili was nearby when it was discovered the door was ajar so she is in the house and doing fine

Barely slept at all and the minutes still drag on like hours

I was already running on fumes but I feel despondent. I'm literally surrounded by orchards and farm style properties so it feels impossible to do a thorough search but I can't help but circle and wander calling for him.

He's quite skittish so chances are he's been hiding but it's been 3 days now and it's hot and if he's still alive and not eaten by coyotes I'm worried he'd be in rough condition to make it back

All suggestions online say they're more likely to leave their hiding place when it's dark but I don't know what else to do right now. I can't sleep because my brain is rushing and my gut has been unendingly nauseous since yesterday so I can barely eat either.

We've just posted signs so part of it is a waiting game. After people start getting off work I'm gonna knock on doors and ask if I can look under people's decks and stuff.

I don't know man

I haven't even cried yet. I feel so numb like I'm in a living nightmare.

Tib is the love of my life. Like I can't overstate how much he means to me. I feel like an evil shithead entertaining thoughts on how proportionally relieved I would be if he was here and Lili was the one missing.

But if something killed him I need closure. It feels quite fucked. Every minute that passes feels like I'm wasting it. This isn't the first time the cats have gotten out but it has by far been the longest.

In fact, the last time it happened I was home but didn't latch my stupid door and it was open all night, but in spite of that I got woken up by Tib walking on me, who had returned in the house just to cuddle.

Nevermind now I'm sobbing. Fuck. I miss my funny man.

[vinnsley]

Could you write an Orpheus x reader fic where the two of them are unknowingly pinning over each other? Have a wonderful day/night too!

OMG. yes. tysm.

[----------]

+ Halloween special?? (it dosent have any halloween things. i actually planned to post this yesterday)

Pairing: Orpheus (IDV) x GN! Reader

Warnings: None really, just some oblivious mess of a fic lol. And some grammar mistakes ofc

Word count: Idk man i aint counting this shit... (i only know this is probably my longest work yet...)

[----------]

You arrived at the manor a few weeks prior, and so far, it's been nice. Most of the other survivors were nice, teamwork for matches were there, (even if sometimes it didnt really work out and you and the 3 others had a shameful lose.) it felt better than your old life to be precise.

But there was this one survivor that had peaked your interest. That survivor being none other than Orpheus himself. He was a quiet individual, sure, but whenever he spoke his voice felt like silk, something you could listen to for hours and hours without a stop.

You wanted to get closer to him, to get to know him better. But you didnt want to come off as rude or obnoxious. So you did what any other normal person would do who's afraid of making the first move. You wrote a letter.

The handwriting was 'neat' in youre opinion, the contents... probably okay. You were just waiting for his response.

You werent sure that if he took you up on the offer to be friends, or he would just nit-pick your wording and grammar, but your heart told you it's worth a shot.

And indeed was it worth it.

At first it was obvious he was hesitant to meet, but after a few meetings/'hang outs' as you called it, he realized you werent so bad after all.

You two quickly clicked. You two had similar interests, similar type of 'humor', and it just felt so perfect for you.

And you hoped it would be the same feeling for him too.

"[Y/N]?"

You're head perked up as you heard his beautiful voice. Your name rolling perfectly off his tounge.

"Yes, Orpheus?"

You question.

God, how much he loved your voice.

At first he wasn't that much of a fan of you, but now, he would do anything to just merely be in your presence.

"I have a question for you."

You raise an eyebrow at that. What does he have to know?

"Hit me."

You respond

"What is youre favourite color?"

"Uh... [Favourite color]. Why?"

"Oh nothing. I was just curious."

He responds.

In reality, he just wants to learn about you. Anything in general.

Whatever you say he memorizes. Or writes it down somewhere. It may sound stalker-ish but when you're stuck in a manor where you're being hunted down by monsters and where you might go nuts, it dosen't really matter.

And most of the days just went like this. Orpheus or you popping up in eachothers spaces to ask questions about eachother, or just talk.

The other survivors were practically begging you to get together with Orpheus, appearently you and him are 'All over eachother', which is not true!

You two only hang out. And talk all the time. And team up during matches. And save eachother without a second thought even if it meant one of you'd lose the match. And share food with eachother-

Okay now thats pretty sus in reality...

And that's when you realized for once. (And finally.)

You like... No. You love Orpheus.

After you realized... you... kind of kept a distance between him and you.

You just didnt know what to do with these new feelings. They are foreign. New. Whatever you want to call it, but its not familiar.

And of course, this action did not go unnoticed by Orpheus, see, he is a really attentive person, he 'knows these stuff', as you told him once

Whenever he called your name, or even tried to get in your personal space, you moved away or just simply ignored him.

Which did not sit right with him at all.

You two got along so well, what happend?

Did he do something wrong?

Did he offend you with something he said?

He knows he can be blunt but did he hurt you??

Needless to say he was confused. Very confused.

So one day, he decided to write a letter.

If he wrote you didnt have a chance to runaway... right?

And the letter was... detailed. Way too detailed.

He wrote about his worries that he offended you, he asked why are you ignoring him and if he did something wrong, and he said he misses you.

When you read the letter that got pushed trough the small space under your door, you didnt know how to take it.

Did this mean he likes you too? Or what does this mean..?

Let's say you wrote a letter back. But you were way bolder.

You poured out your heart into that letter, you told him how much your heart aches whenever you cant see him, but you realized these strange feelings that kept bugging you.

That you love his silky voice, whenever he talks it felt like a lullaby to you that you could just sleep on without a care in the world.

And when HE read the letter he was flabbergasted. No better or worse word to describe it.

After thinking deeply and reading your letter over and over again, he realized it too.

What he felt inside his stomach whenever you two were close wasn't only friendship. It was love.

He finally realized, you did too.

So he wrote a letter back, again.

Confessing that he felt the same, and that you two should meet up already because he misses you.

In the end... You two confessed the same way you two's friendship started to bloom.

[handercover]

Tom should have known this was gonna happen eventually, he had known for the longest time yet... He never thought this was gonna happen, it's been what... Years? Yet he didn't know how to feel, his mind was blank, his brain almost went on autopilot as he went on with his day

He thought he could handle it... He would be lying, he still doesn't know what to do or think after all this time, and who could blame him?

They've struck with eachother for so long... Why would she leave now?

"Seriously what's up with you?" Tom is snapped out of his thoughts by her huff as she makes some tea, frowning over her shoulder as he sits blankly in front of the couch. He blinks before looking at her "You... You said you were leaving" he says, somewhat calmly

Han just looks at him, blinking before she turns to pour the hot water in two mugs "Yeah?" she responds, confused, Tom frowns but looks away as well "Then why are you asking?" he mutters. She blinks again in confusion as she stirs the water in the mugs with a spoon, adding milk and sugar to the tea before turning around and walking towards the couch

She looks at him curiously before tilting her head "Tom, I'm literally leaving for a week for work, the usual... Why are you acting like I'm never coming back?" she asks, almost amused as she watches his head snap to look at her, his expression surprised

"Wait- what?" he manages to mumble before grabbing his mug from her hand as she hands it to him, shocked "I... I thought..." he mumbles quietly. He looks at her as she sits next to him on the carpet, their backs against the couch behind them, with a sigh she lays her head on his shoulder before taking a sip of her tea

He keeps looking at her until she looks up at him in realisation, smiling smugly before nudging his side with her elbow "Oh my God... Did you think I would leave just like that?" she asks with a quiet chuckle, making sure to not make too much noise before she takes another sip of her tea

Tom huffs before taking a sip of his own tea, begrudgingly observing how she made it just how he likes it before he looks at her, eyes narrowed - yet she stops him before he can talk "It's been... How long? About-" "Eleven years, eight months, three weeks and 4 days" he responds before she can finish, looking away when he realises what he said

She looks at him in surprise, stifling a chuckle as she looks at him "That long? Damn... You have a good memory... Nerd" she chuckles at that as she notices Tom's face turn red, he just looks away and sips his tea "Idiot" he mutters back after a while but she just relaxes next to him as she sips on her own mug

They both sit there in silence next to eachother, Tom silently thinks just how... Different things have been since she quite literally crashed into his life, he can still remember the first time they met as if it was yesterday. Deep down he knows this is far from what he envisioned for his future, but he oddly doesn't mind

He has a good home, people that care about him, the job he loves - something suddenly flops in his lap but he just takes a sip of his tea - a cat and two very loud sons

The two damn rascals clearly taking after their mother in terms of character, but aspect wise they're a spitting copy of him... Tom silently watches his son in his lap, chuckling as he holds Salem, the black feline looking utterly defeated before Han takes pity on him and takes him in her arms

His other son wraps his arms around Han's neck and lays his head on her shoulder, looking as Salem purrs happily in her lap. She chuckles before turning and pressing a kiss to the small boy's cheek, Tom watches as the boy chuckles before his other son also crawls to her, the two boys managing to tackle her to the ground

With a sigh he watches Han trying to fight off their menaces but failing miserably, Tom merely smirks behind his mug as she chuckles

Just had an idea, but I'm actually mentally too tired to think so this ain't making sense - but fuck it AU anyway. Nothing else to say really so I'm just gonna make myself some risotto

[gourdkeeper]

Follow up to Drunken Brawlin'; this time reader is AFAB, can make other versions based on request

Word count: 2590

Warnings: 18+, oral sex, submissive Jamie, switching at the end

Disclaimer: not proofread, the thirst for Jamie guided me

Read below the cut

Tomorrow rooftops. Tomorrow rooftops. Tomorrow rooftops.

It keeps playing in your mind until you finally manage to drift off to sleep.

You can't shake your mind off of him and what you've done. You've never been that bold before with anyone and especially not in such a public place. Your stomach is stirring up a fight. Stress mixed with excitement. What even got into you?

You've been meeting amazing fighters left and right as of late and yet, the small fry with the inflated ego in Chinatown catches your eye out of all people... You almost hate that you're so captivated by him. That stupid little waist and defined pectorals... The unnecessarily long hair that clinged onto his forehead every time he worked up a sweat. His fake bravado and sly smirk. Ugh.

---

The moment you wake up, you grab your phone. It still had his message on the screen.

Today rooftops.

You just know today's about to be the longest day you've ever had in your life, counting down every minute until the sun sets at last.

---

As expected, nothing else has been in your mind. The whole day you couldn't focus. Luke couldn't get you to hit the punching bag decently no matter what back at the academy. Li-Fen could not get a hold of you to have you chase after some other weird promotion.

Rest of the day was spent in your little hideout staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror wondering if you looked good and preparing mentally for what to even say. How will you face him?

Hell. How will he face you? What if he doesn't even show up, maybe the nerves are getting the best of him too.

---

The night fell and you've rushed out of your sample of a claustrophobic apartment.

Your heart is pounding at your throat and you gulp down hard as you arrive in the dreaded Chinatown. Here you are.

Once more the stupid cardboard head douche nozzles are here to pester you and you just wipe the floor with them. When will they ever learn?

Up the ladder you go. You can feel your palms getting sweaty. "Calm down" you repeat to yourself like a mantra.

You've finally made it to the top.

Your heart sinks. He isn't here. What if he ghosted you. No. He must be late. He wouldn't just do that right?

You hear whistling from behind you and you turn your head around instantly. There he is. Perched on a light sign across the street. Nimbly he jumps over, rolling perfectly and stopping right in front of you. "What is he, half cat?" You think to yourself.

"I was worried you wouldn't show up." You say, cupping his cheek in your hand.

"No, *I* was worried you wouldn't show up. Have been watching over the street for over 30 minutes now." He tells you with the same smuggy smirk on his lips as always.

You're scratching the back of your head now, apologizing for not having been there sooner and he stops you as there's no reason to apologize. "I was just too eager to see you."

He holds you by your hands and looks into your eyes.

"Listen... What happened yesterday? I never did that before. I'm sorry if I made you do anything you didn't want to. I got you drunk and then that happened. I'm sorry." For once he doesn't look arrogant or full of shit. He's being honest.

"No no no, I didn't do anything I didn't want to, trust me Jamie..." You smile to reassure him that nothing bad happened. "In fact I wanted to make sure you were okay too, I kept worrying I went too far."

He starts giggling at the situation.

You're perplexed.

"W-why are you laughing?" Blowing air through your nostrils yourself.

"We're both apologizing for no reason. Yesterday was good." Now his turn to cup your cheek in his hand. "Great even. Perfect. The best night of my life. And yet here we are excusing ourselves for possibly hurting the other."

You giggle as well. "You're right. It was the best night..."

"Hey uh," he begins, "have you had dinner yet?"

You shake your head. Food hasn't even crossed your mind in the last couple of hours.

"Let's get going, I was thinking we could eat something together and then maybe... If you're okay with it we could come over to my place?“

You raise your eyebrow at that last suggestion.

"What? I even cleaned up, just for you!"

You lightly punch his chest in jest. "Sure, I'm down."

---

You both grabbed some takeaway from the nearby noodle bar and walked over to his apartment.

"Ladies first!" You gesture him towards his own door and he does a little bow and holds his hands out as if holding a skirt before breaking into a laughing fit. Guess this guy doesn't need to drink to be a goofball with you.

"Thank you for coming with me" he chimes, now inside, gesturing you to come sit at the couch with him so you can eat in peace.

"Thank you for inviting *me*! Then again I was gonna invite you over to my place if you didn't do it first. Maybe better this way, my crib is uh cramped."

"More the excuses to be up against you..."

"Tsk..."

He turns on the TV for some background noise as we eat and share silly tidbits about ourselves. He tells me about his cousins that have given him an ass whooping on more than one occasion for getting into stupid brawls as a kid and how they'd take him to the skatepark on weekends.

You tell him about how you're only in Metro City for a bit over a week and the first person you've met was Luke who was teaching you how to fight at first.

"Luke-?“

"Hm? You turn to him and he looks like he just choked up on his noodles and is fuming.

"Luke dipshit-asswipe Sullivan? That guy?"

"Y-yeah that is his last name! Not sure about the dipshit or asswiping part though-"

He cuts you off. "Listen that guy's a piece of crap, thinks he's the best and just goes around bumping into others and provoking them into fights. Do not give him the light of the day, he is not worth your time, you're too good to grace him with your company, absolute fucki-“

"Are you jealous?“

He turns red.

"N-no, why would I be jealous of that waste of space?"

"It sounds like you're jealous..."

"Maybe a little bit." He pouts. "Just not a fan that the first person you've met here from all the people had to be him, the guy I've been butting heads with for years... It should have been me instead..."

"Well," you start, "to be fair you have been the first and only person I've gotten intimate with around here" he raises his brow, "...and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" He inquires.

"I am, I am trying to tell you, Jamie Siu, that I want to be with you..." You finish the sentence poking a finger over his chest and pushing him lower into the couch so that you're laying on top of him.

"Hmm... That so?“ A sly smile spreading on his face.

"Are you finished eating?" He asks, to which you nod, "How about some dessert?“ His tone sinful, "I know *I* want some..."

"Yeah? What are you gonna do? Eat me up?"

"Mhm might as well.." He jokingly bares his teeth at you.

"I want to pay you back for what you've done to me..." His hands trailing down your body, "Will you let me?“

You take notice of how he always asks for permission and you decide to play with it, seen as it riled him so gravely last time.

"Hmm, I think you need to show me how much you want it first!“ You play difficult.

"Oh, are we doing this then?“ His eyebrow raised, licking his lips and starting to get antsy. He's certainly not shy or embarrassed over getting vocal. "Please... Will you let me please you? Been craving you all day..." He holds onto you tight and tries to pull you up to his face.

You oblige, and start kissing him, breathing heavily into each other, arms tangled together, your right hand reaching into the back of his neck to still him in place and your left creeping up his chest under his clothes, groping his defined breast eliciting a moan from him.

"P-please..." He whines as you pull back from the kiss to take a breather.

"Hmm I don't know, I don't think I'm quite convinced just yet." With a mischievous glint in your eye you start pinching his nipple, making him twitch under you.

"H-how" his breath shallow, "can I show you?"

He's blushed so red even without having drank anything... That, that does give you *quite* the idea.

"Please...let me show you how badly I need you. N-need to taste you." He's groping your ass roughly as he grows more desperate for you.

"Do you want me that badly?"

Jamie nods furiously.

"Do you...want to be my *good boy*?" Giving him a borderline sadistic smile, recalling how he reacted the first time you've called him that.

Somehow he blushes to an even darker red and parts his lips. "Y-yes..."

"This time we're inside... Which means... You," left hand reaching for his braid and pulling, tugging his head backwards making him whine in pleasure disguised by pain, "...Can be as loud as you want... No one will be able to hear you moan out my name and scream... Isn't that so?"

You see his adam's apple bob up and down as he gulps, neck outstretched as you keep the tension on his hair.

"I- I guess so..." He says sheepishly, part nervousness part arousal. Most of it definitely arousal.

"So what will you be?"

"A good boy..."

"What was that?" Pulling harder.

"Y- your good boy!"

"That's right..." Letting up now.

His lids are heavy and he can't stop himself from subconsciously lift his hips and try to provide himself some friction from rubbing and grinding on you.

"So..." You start, "if I were you... I'd get rid of those clothes, unless you want them to be a mess."

He's licking his lips in anticipation, "Yes..."

You raise your eyebrow at him and it's like he's finally back to earth, you can only wonder what fantasy was playing out in his head.

He immediately sits up and removes his top and asks you to lift yourself a bit so he can remove his pants as well.

"Why am I the only one undressing here?“ He asks, blushing at the thought of being the only one vulnerable.

"Because I want *you* to undress me..."

"Oh." A smile spreading on his lips, he can't wait to unwrap that present.

Now naked he put his hands on the fly of your lace up pants.

You slap it away.

"Be a good boy and use your pretty mouth~" You goad him.

He's quick to obey and puts his hands beside him for support and reaches forward with his mouth, wishing the pants weren't there to stop him from devouring you.

He clearly struggles with it at the start but gets the hang of it, holding onto one lace with his teeth and pulling back on it.

He mouths at the waist band now and tries his best to pull it down. You shift your body to help him out and as he pulls down his mouth gapes.

"N-no underwear??!"

You giggle at his shock, he almost sounds innocent.

"Just for you..."

Deciding to cut his work short you remove your pants off fully. Now straddling his body, with your bare crotch.

"God- I want you so bad..." He whines.

"You want a drink?"

You reach for his gourd that he settled on the little coffee table next to you and put it up to his lips.

"Go on, you deserved it."

"I'd like to drink something else..." He plays.

"Is that so? Get on the floor." You lift yourself up and give him a hand and quickly he's laying down with you standing over him with a smile.

"What do you want to drink? Hm?"

"You. I want you on my mouth please..."

Your next move is a very bold one, he's stupefied with your actions as you lower yourself down and push the gourd's neck past your lips and tilt it back, pouring the contents inside of you.

Moans escape your mouth as he watches with bated breath, astonished. Not believing how sinful you're acting, his cock straining and twitching already in his boxer shorts. Stain of precome appearing more visible by the second.

You withdraw the gourd and squeeze tight, trying to contain his herbal tea inside, some of it inevitably spilling.

"You still want a drink?"

He's incredulous, blinking up at you, shaken before he snaps, "Yes! Yes please!"

His hands rush to your backside as he tries to pull you to him in a feral animalistic need.

You take a hold of his hair one more and don't hesitate to shove your sex on his face.

He shows no hesitation either as he laps at your lips, drinking you in, kissing your clit, mouthing at your folds, moaning and breathing heavily without any constraint.

"Oh my god- Jamie... God..!" You have difficulty even asserting dominance over him with the way he's eating you out like a starved and dehydrated man who's spotted an oasis in the desert. "You're so good Jamie!" You praise, barely holding on.

Your praise getting to him, pushing him to drive you over the edge, going faster, harder. Looking up at you from that angle with fucked out eyes and his hair a mess. Juices flowing all over his face, your bodily fluids unintelligible from his tea.

"Make me come Jamie, be my good boy! Come on." You palm at his cock as you spur him on. Grinding on his vicious tongue.

He gets louder, whining with need beneath you, you can hear him hum your name in-between laps, he wants you to come and he wants it now.

It's enough to push you over the edge, trembling, strenght escaping your legs and he's quick to hold on to you, keeping you in your place, mouth still glued to you, determined to drain you dry and suck your soul from your limp body.

You both finally fall back in exhaustion, rolling over, breathlessly exchanging looks and biting your lip.

"You..." He tries to regain his breath, "...you're crazy!" Trying to laugh but wheezing only instead.

You giggle at him, "What? As if you didn't like it?"

"Me? Pfft, no, I hated every second of it-" you punch his arm in jest and he looks up at you in adoration. "I loved it. I never even thought of anyone doing that..."

"Well, I'm never taking a swig without thinking of this now so if I start losing during fights it's all your fault."

You're so smitten by him, you can't even think of a comeback, you just hold onto his face and kiss him. "You taste good." You joke.

"I know!" He quips. "You know what else I know?"

"Hm?" Clueless.

"That," he pounces over you with newfound energy, likely from the drink, "it's time for payback." Getting handsy again as he takes the lead, kissing you.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

I finally saw INSIDE OUT 2 yesterday.

That's probably the longest it has taken me to see a new Pixar movie.

I don't have any memory of whether I saw TOY STORY in the cinema in late 1995/early 1996, but we had the original VHS release from late 1996 and I went as Buzz Lightyear for Halloween that year. If I didn't see TOY STORY in theaters on its initial release, then it took me almost a year to see the movie. Movie came out Thanksgiving 1995, VHS was released right before Halloween 1996. The days when you had to wait a WHILE for a movie to come out on tape.

I eventually saw TOY STORY in theaters, when they re-released it in 3D in fall 2009, ahead of the release of TOY STORY 3.

But I *did* see A BUG'S LIFE in theaters, and so on. Never missed a Pixar since, that was until SOUL, LUCA, and TURNING RED skipped theaters... And then played at theaters not near me earlier this year. I'll get 'em eventually.

So yeah, INSIDE OUT 2 released on June 14th, I saw it yesterday, July 22nd.

And I thought it was a perfectly fine sequel, like most of Pixar's sequels are. I just love revisiting characters and worlds again, and the new story doing something neat and fun with them for a good 90-100min. That's all I needed, really.

I feel TOY STORY 2 is the *one* Pixar sequel that equaled the original, and surpassed it in some ways. Very rarely do sequels do that, really. And I think, in addition to things some folks expect out of Pixar, this is why Pixar sequels tend to be looked at a certain way. But to me, a lot of them have just been comfortably fine movies. Good enough on their own, and solid enough companions to the originals. And I think a lot of that is because the first movies were usually that special, that it's almost unfair the original exists. The new movie has such huge shoes to fill in the eyes of many. I feel like when the original is being made, there's a sort of "all or nothing" attitude behind it. With the sequels, things get more comfortable. "Okay, we made the first one..."

Especially now, since Pixar is no longer a little studio in the Bay Area, and hasn't been since 2006...

So, TOY STORY 2 is still tops for me. And a small clicks under, TOY STORY 3. Then INCREDIBLES 2, not too far behind. I actually legit love INCREDIBLES 2, even if I think its third act setpiece is a little rushed and the resolution a bit lacking. The rest of it, to me, is totally spot-on and just so well-made. Even the big twist that there's no shadowy mind control guy as the main antagonist. It's still a Brad Bird movie through and through, and he's largely in his groove here. That puts it very high in my book.

Next click down would be this movie, and MONSTERS UNIVERSITY. INSIDE OUT 2, plot-wise, is solid and clever. I like that it's small scale like the first movie is: About three or so days of following Riley through an exciting, if not anxiety-stoking time in her life. First movie, she moves out of state. Second movie, leveling up in her sport and meeting new people once more. It does feel like it's retreading a lot of the first movie's major beats without some of the punch (which I think plagues a few of these Pixar sequels), but I do think its 3rd act panic attack does land. Really, the first INSIDE OUT had Bing Bong. This doesn't have anything like that subplot. There was enough really fun and creative stuff here (Bloofy, Pouchey and Lance were the MVPs), I really liked the four new emotions, and its best moments sit right alongside the original... I almost consider MU truly great, the final third in the camp cabin almost puts it over for me. The rest of the movie, I think, quite works as well. Gets progressively better as the Scare Games commence. The early stuff up until Mike and Sulley get dropped from the scare program is just fine to me. Like INSIDE OUT 2, we're in the perfectly fine territory with this one. It's always a very satisfactory watch for me. Both films sometimes rise a little above that and have their moments that I find truly fantastic.

Underneath are CARS 3 and LIGHTYEAR.

I guess my only major issues with CARS 3 are that the pacing is weird to me in the first third, particularly how they handle McQueen's post-crash depression. Once they start really traveling in that movie, like to the Thunder Hollow and Thomasville racetracks, that's when it really gets into gear for me. When it really leans into the Cruz stuff. I still think it sidelines most of the Radiator Springs gang, though, much like CARS 2 did. If they make a fourth movie, I'd like to see them appear more. That ensembles helps make the first one so good to me.

LIGHTYEAR I've already defended multiple times on here. I really like it as an old-school space adventure movie, and I particularly appreciated the themes of ego, legacy, and doing better by your past mistakes. Of all the 2020s Pixar movies, it feels like it's from the Lasseter era. Kinda old school. I just don't think it's spectacular or anything, doesn't really go as hard as it should, but it's a very solid sci-fi treat nonetheless. I think it would've fared better had it been an original movie, and not a Buzz Lightyear story.

Then a click below those two, for me, are FINDING DORY and TOY STORY 4. These are both firmly of the 2010s Pixar in my opinion, very much of the Lasseter in complete control era. The "legacy"/"nostalgia"-heavy era. And it makes sense, TOY STORY and FINDING NEMO hail from the classic period when it was largely "Team TOY STORY" calling the shots. John Lasseter and Andrew Stanton. There's fantastic stuff in both of these movies that I really love and admire, and I think they're overall satisfying and good. FINDING DORY in particular hit close to home as an autistic person... but I also feel like they are very, very overplotted and busy. I know the low-hanging fruit is stuff like, say, how TOY STORY 4 ended. I didn't have a problem with that, I actually found the ending with Woody going off with Bo to be a good - albeit risky - choice. No, my main issue is that this is where it starts to feel like the needle had gotten stuck for the studio. Like, "This IS a Pixar movie". It's gotta have the big cries, the big goodbyes, the big emotional moment, the plot has to have a lot going on. They gotta be here while this is here, and vice versa. They have few moments where they can just breathe a bit, or when they do, then it's WHOOSH onto the next thing. TOY STORY 4 does, however, have that long quiet stretch with Forky and Woody on the road. Good stuff. The reprising of certain moments, particularly in DORY's case, feel like "Greatest Hits" (to paraphrase someone else), and I don't think DORY's 3rd act grand theft truck sequence really works well. So, it's all just a matter of me thinking there's too much complication in these 100min stories. Too much plot crammed into them. Floyd Norman himself put it best when describing animated movies in the early 2010s, that the films with "hopelessly overworked plots and convoluted structure" were trying too hard to "convince" the audience rather than "entertain" them.

Then last but not least. Bottom ring. CARS 2.

With everything that movie has going against it... The jam-packed plot, Mater being confused as a spy being largely unbelievable (Finn McMissile and Holly Shiftwell aren't very bright, it seems), McQueen and Radiator Springs largely pushed aside, and the weird stuff with the lemons - cars that break down, that universe's disabled people almost - turning their collective plight into corporate villainy... I don't dislike it! I think there's a really good international race/spy action movie buried in here, and I'm aware that the movie was originally meant to be a summer 2012 release and then it got bumped up to summer 2011... Maybe it needed that one extra year to coalesce into something solid? But, yeah, I still think it's beautifully-realized, full of visual candy, and great action even. That opening setpiece on the oil rig slaps, I say. Pixar could've had a really solid James Bond-style movie here.

CARS 3 seems to imply that everything that happened in CARS 2 was all a dream. Even Larry the Cable Guy himself, Mater's voice, seemed to imply that not too long ago...

I had a weird thought recently... What if they took the existing movie, and re-framed it as a Mater's Tall Tale? The movie is very much informed by those CARS TOONS shorts that Pixar started making in 2008, where Mater made up some big fib about having various careers. Those worked because they were presented as silly fantasies, conjured up by a goofy old dingus. CARS 2 comes close to being that, there's a bit in the end where Van (the lost minivan traveler husband from the first movie) doubts everything Mater told them, but then jet Holly shows up. I think CARS 2 could've landed if they did some PRINCESS BRIDE thing where Mater's telling the tale back to someone, maybe Lightning, and being doubted every step of the way. Like he's making it all up on the spot, like the movie itself seemed to be doing. He did that in the shorts, "Yeah, Lightnin', you was there too!"

It's a massive mess, a car wreck you could say... but I still enjoy most of it. I bought the Blu-ray back in the day, even. It was one of those 2-discers that had LOTS of bonus features on it.

So on the whole, I like the Pixar sequels, even if they may not always match the originals. But I think that's just true of a lot of sequels to movies considered among the greats, or very high on folks' lists. Not all of them can be GODFATHER PART IIs or EMPIRE STRIKES BACKs. TOY STORY 2, for me, is the Pixar sequel that's the equivalent of that. I'm totally okay with the other ones not being that... So long as I still really like them and took something home with me from them... Yeah, that's what matters to me most.

[ravennaramos]

(Rare / long post) Yesterday was my final day of work, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend last night in tears.

I feel a little numb, and it feels surreal overall, that I am leaving New Orleans, and so rapidly (this Friday!)

Anybody that knows me, knows that this city comprises not only a core part of my personality, but also my identity as a whole. Since I was an eleven-year-old girl, this is the only city I've ever wanted to live. I cherish carnival season, the brass bands, the above-ground cemeteries, and the streetcar that I can hear from my living room. I have five New Orleans tattoos. I adore the crescent city, and I am grieving its loss as thoroughly and deeply as any loss in my life.

But when I look back to the summer of 2016, as I was preparing to load up our 15-foot U-Haul and commence the 1,000 mile journey southward, arriving on NOLA's doorstep homeless and jobless, I can't say that I thought I would live here forever. I can't say that I saw myself living here until I was 90, weaving the decades together in a single continuous unbroken thread of Mardi Gras and hurricane seasons and Mr. Bingles. If anything, perhaps I didn't expect to live in one flat for seven years straight, the longest I've lived at one address since I was a child in my mother's care. And I certainly didn't expect to level up the way that I have professionally, starting out as a cashier in the French Quarter for $13/hour, and ending up with a shiny new graduate degree and a wage offer nearly three times that. New Orleans has simultaneously been a loving benefactor and a cruel mistress.

I think that, more than most, COVID really broke me. I didn't realize it back in 2020, or even 2021, but it is clear now. I never stopped quarantining. Sure I leave my house for work, and making groceries, and the few beauty appointments that I schedule. But I walked out of the Quarter when I lost my job on March 19, 2020, and did not tiptoe back inside its boundaries until four weeks ago on August 12th. The few friendships that germinated here died unceremoniously over that time, due to my lack of attention, and I was unable to nurture them back to life. I don't really go anywhere, I don't really do anything. The last three years haven't been a waste; I've worked meticulously on myself, my physical and spiritual health, my emotional and professional growth. But I feel that I've come to the end of being able to move forward in this city, at this time. I have to force myself out of this cycle of working and coming home to an apartment I'm renting alone. Home ownership, international travel, a marriage, a family, a doctoral degree, career growth, ain't gonna manifest itself.

In many ways, I never got used to being back in the Southeast of my childhood. I never got used to hurricane season, or the streets flooding with every single goddamn rainstorm, or the potholes that blew out my left front tire. I never got used to the sewage & water board neglecting to read my water meter for over two years now (they send estimated bills). I never got used to AT&T's 18mbps internet, the fastest I can get here. I never got over Hurricane Ida, or the Hard Rock Hotel collapse. As a child I would scream and cry at the sight of a flying cockroach; I still do. And I sure as fuck have never gotten used to this unrelenting godforsaken heat, the hottest summer in New Orleans ever on record, 52+ days of excessive heat warnings thus far. Inadvertently, I'm donning the label of climate change refugee. Everyone here will, a hundred years from now. 

My relationship with New Orleans is complex and complicated. I'm sure that I will cry while packing up my things and perhaps all the way to the eastern seaboard. İn şa Allah, I will try again here in the future, perhaps retire here when I can acquire such luxuries as central air, a dishwasher, a parking spot, a washer and dryer. For now, my blossoming must continue within the funny-shaped border of the beautiful blue state of Maryland. I am ready for a beginning.  

I love you, New Orleans

[thesandsofelsweyr]

HOLLOWED OUT

《 CH3 // FILLED BACK UP WITH HATE // PART 1 》

When Jason saw that photo of Batman and his new Robin, the thin cord of hope holding him together had snapped and he had broken into a million pieces. No one was coming for him. Not one single person on the planet cared whether he lived or died, or how much he suffered, or how loud he screamed. No one except the Clown. He was Joker’s now, and he would say or do anything to get a reprieve from the torment and the pain, even if it meant letting himself be reduced to something less than human.

《RATING》 🔞 Mature 《WORDS》 1,230 《CHAPTERS》 3/6

《CHARACTERS》 Jason Todd/Robin, Joker, Original Male Character, Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Catherine Todd (mentioned)

《TROPES》 Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Whump, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

《WARNINGS》 Dehumanization, Bathing/Washing, Master/Pet, Collars, Ownership, Brainwashing, Humiliation, Non-Consensual Touching, Torture, Mindfuck, Scars, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Loathing, Past Child Abuse, Daddy Issues, Forced Nudity, Swearing

《SERIES》 Part 4 of My Arkhamverse, Part 4 of Ruined

《NOTES》

This fic is my pride & joy! It was the first thing I published after a 5+ year hiatus, and the longest story I've ever written by far!

This fic is also dark so be aware of the tags (especially the DD:DNE tag)

My Arkhamverse canon is a mix of game canon and Arkham Knight: Genesis canon. I pick and choose what I like best 😉

If you enjoy the read please consider kudosing, commenting, and reblogging ❤️

《 ALSO ON AO3 》 (comments & kudos there are very much appreciated)

When the Clown finally put the bath brush down again it felt like all of his skin had been flayed away, leaving behind only raw, bloody meat. Whatever energy he had regained from his bowl of soup was gone now, leached from his body by that brush, and he barely had the strength to hold himself upright. Rivulets of blood, pus, soap, and watery filth trickled down his naked body. The putrid slurry collected in the grout between the shower tiles, swelling the humid air with a cherry-reeking miasma that turned his stomach and almost brought that soup screaming back up his throat. He slumped forward over his outstretched legs while he sobbed softly.

Joker stood, and Jason cowered at his feet, trembling like a kicked puppy. He still expected the man to pull out his scalpel and start carving fresh artwork into him so he was relieved when he heard the metal knob squeal again as it was turned. That relief was short-lived. Hot water splashed down like battery acid on what was left of his back. He cried out as his body bucked forward instinctively, trying to arch his poor back to safety, away from the punishing water, only to be greeted by even more pain as the shift in position tugged at all of the freshly opened wounds. He could only moan as the water beat down on him, a steady stream of misery. His bruised ass and broken tailbone ached, his shredded foot and fractured ankle throbbed, his back was a pulsing, shredded mass of agony made flesh; he was sinking once again into that quicksand of suffering that had become an all-too-familiar part of his life, like school had once been, like running had once been, like suiting up for nightly patrols had once been…

Why had he ever put on the suit? What had Gotham ever done for him? He knew the answer, and it had nothing to do with fighting crime in this shithole city. I wanted a family, a father who didn’t beat the shit out of me. I thought he wanted that too. The memory of the day Bruce took him to the courthouse to become his ward was as clear as it happened yesterday—all of the toys in the Clown’s torture chamber couldn’t take it away from him. He had tears in his eyes. Jason had cried later, too. That night, when he was alone in his new bedroom, too giddy to sleep in his new bed, in his new home, with his new family. He hadn’t experienced happiness like that since before his mom died. Now he desperately wanted to curl up inside that feeling, snug and warm and safe, like when he curled up beside his mom when he was a kid. I wish she were here. He’d failed her too, though. He should never have left her alone that day. If he’d been there he could’ve rolled her over so she didn’t choke. But instead, he’d fucked off to the library. He’d failed her like he failed at being Robin, like he failed to kill the Clown, like he failed at being the son Bruce wanted… the son Bruce would’ve saved.

When the water shut off again, the pain loosened its grip and Jason nearly collapsed against the tile in relief. He only dimly registered the return of the orderly from his errand by the reek of cigarette smoke clinging to the man’s scrubs, following him inside the small bathroom. Jason clenched his jaw, his body tensing as he tried to ignore the nicotine craving crawling beneath his skin. He stared pointedly down at the pink water swirling around the drain between his legs, not wanting to meet the mocking eyes of the orderly. He was all too aware of how fucking pathetic he looked, sitting here naked, shivering and snivelling like a whipped kid.

“Here ya go, boss,” Right said. His voice dripped with a cruel amusement that made the rejected sidekick part of Jason want to strangle the man and steal his cigarettes.

A bright burst of pain suddenly rang through his skull as the wooden bath brush cracked against the back of his head. He ducked his head between his shoulders, shrinking away from the Clown.

“Now, don’t be rude, Jason,” Joker chided smoothly in his deranged dad voice. “Tell the nice man thank you.”

Jason ground what was left of his teeth before begrudgingly grumbling, “Thanks,” to the filth-streaked shower floor.

The brush whacked the back of his head again, even harder this time. “I’ve taught you better manners than that,” Joker tsked. “Perhaps your memory needs a little jump start!”

Sharp metal prongs stabbed into the gash across his lower back, and Jason barely got out a yelp before a lightning bolt of current zapped into the raw center of that bloody furrow. Thousands of volts of white-hot agony surged through his flesh, searing every nerve along its path, branching from his lower back, up and down his spine, and out to his limbs, which jerked violently in response. His vision flashed to white as his fractured ankle cracked against the tile.

He threw back his head as a half-wheeze, half-squeal tore from his throat: “Thank you sir!”

Joker cackled in delight. “Much better!” he exclaimed with a wet slap to Jason’s lacerated back that doubled him over. “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

Jason moaned in reply, getting a chuckle out of the orderly. “Whatever. I’m out.”

“Toodles!” Joker said gleefully with a dismissive wave of his hand that Jason didn’t see because his eyes were still clamped shut while he panted and reeled from the shock of that fucking prod. Of course the Clown wouldn’t miss the opportunity to use that thing while he was sitting in a puddle of bloody water, dripping wet.

Joker sprang to his feet again, shampoo and conditioner bottles in each hand. He whistled his same grating song while he squeezed out the fragrant contents high above Jason’s head, like a kid squirting mustard and ketchup onto his hot dog. The generous amount of pear and coconut scented mixture oozed off of Jason’s head and into his wounds, which reignited with fresh pain. I’m gonna smell like a damn fruit basket, he thought, grimacing from the sting, but that’s a step up from piss and shit at least.

“I should really do a better job of keeping my boy clean,” Joker muttered as he rolled up his purple pin-striped sleeves. He then jabbed both pasty-white hands into Jason’s tangled nest of greasy black hair and tried to work up a soapy lather, nearly ripping Jason’s hair out of his scalp in the process, before moving on to the comb. The comb worked no better against the knots and clumps so he tossed it over his shoulder, picked up the scissors, and gave Jason his promised haircut.

Jason sat marinating in fruity, oozy, stinging filth, letting this madman prune him like he was a garden hedge, wishing that the earth would open up and swallow him down to hell, which would be a vacation compared to this house of horrors. Twin tears crept down his scarred cheeks at the thought of what he’d let himself become. Or maybe… maybe this was who he was—who he always was. Maybe this was why Batman needed a new Robin.

[amalgamgooze]

seven years of waiting come to an end

Hey everybody. So today is the day of the eclipse...

or it would be, if I were writing this post today.

I'm instead writing this post yesterday because I don't know if I'll get home in time to write about actually watching the eclipse, so...

I'll probably write a super cool poem for my next post.

But today's post is better spent talking about how today's eclipse is personally significant.

...

In a more innocent time,

back in the distant year of 2017,

My mother took my brother and me to watch the August 21 eclipse at an outlet mall. With our eclipse glasses and fact sheets in tow, we sat at a bench just outside the bustling plaza to gaze up at the sky.

Of course, I wasn't fortunate enough to live anywhere near the path of totality, so we only witnessed a partial eclipse. The world grew a little darker, and a bite was missing from the once-circular sun we saw through the filtered cardboard glasses.

I still thought it was pretty cool.

Of course, in the aftermath of the eclipse, we discussed the next one we might want to go watch. This eclipse's path of totality was much closer to where we lived, so we'd be able to go watch this one in person. The only problem, however, was that it was so far off in the future.

April 8, 2024. We'd set our sights.

At the time, I was only just entering sixth grade. Though the upcoming eclipse was exciting, it was also so distant, and there were a bazillion more pressing events at the time. The eclipse would only be happening in my last year of high school, and I wasn't even a lowly sixth grader yet! Regardless, the 2024 eclipse was still something that'd stayed in the back of my mind at all times.

...

Now,

almost seven years later,

with a bazillion events behind me

and a million more unexpected ones

the eclipse is finally here.

It goes without saying that I'm a different person than I was seven years ago.

It would be insane to stay the same through all of it.

Middle school and high school,

a struggle to find friends and companionship,

the deaths of close family members,

years of just being generally nervous,

...

and of course, a global pandemic!

...

and a trillion nights spent staring up at the stars

and a few lunar eclipses too.

(lunar eclipses are pretty cool too! you might know them as "blood moons"!)

...

Today, I've found friends I'm happy with, as well as just feeling better about life in general, even if I still have my low moments.

That's just a few things that have changed.

But one thing that's held constant through it all was the anticipation for the April 2024 eclipse.

...

And now, instead of almost seven years between now and the eclipse, it's not even 24 hours anymore.

It's weird and exhilarating.

Sitting here right now, the past seven years feel like a blur.

That's not how they were, but there's an immense amount of solace in knowing there's no more difficult times or hard days left in the seven-year wait.

...

At times, I didn't even know if I'd live to see this eclipse.

Other times, the hopes of seeing this eclipse were evidence in a personally-bound argument as to why I should keep pushing on through the tough times.

...

But now is a more hopeful era.

I don't feel as if I need the promise of some astronomical event to help me see it through one more day/week anymore. I've found my own personal source of motivation now.

...

But even then, the eclipse has to have been the longest wait I've endured, and will likely ever endure too. (Sure, there's me getting out of grade school, but that's different.)

After the eclipse, I'll only have a few more clearly marked dates-I've-been-waiting-forever-for. These include my graduation from high school and the day I leave for college.

Beyond that, I have no more dates to look forward to.

It will just be me for the rest of eternity,

hopefully hacking away at personal projects

with a new type of anticipation,

not the type for some well-defined calendar date,

but instead, the anticipation for the day when I finally share my projects with the world.

...

But that's so far off into the future.

Who knows if I'll even feel like making the projects I want to make anymore once I'm that old?

For now, however,

I think I'm just going to relax,

and watch the eclipse I've waited so long for.

...

And I might not even get to see it,

because it might be cloudy.

Here's hoping it won't be.

Here's hoping the past seven years of waiting

haven't been in vain.

...

though I probably won't be devastated if it is.

regardless, the world will still fall under darkness,

albeit even if just for a few minutes.

...

It's all Waiting for Godot anymore, isn't it?

...

I still can't believe the wait is finally over.