#yet they tried to use him to make a point about domestic violence

[andreal831]

Let me get this straight, in TVDU:

We blame amnesic Elijah, who erased his memories seven years before Hayley's death, for Hayley's death when he didn't even know who she was and didn't actually kill her.

But we don't blame Kol for Davina's death when he was the one that actually drained her of blood because the ancestors were controlling him.

And we don't blame Freya for torturing and kidnapping Keelin because she did it for family.

And we don't blame Klaus for nearly killing Caroline twice because it was romantic when he saved her from his own venom.

And we don't blame Klaus for nearly strangling Hayley to death because he was just scared of being a father.

Just wanted to make sure I understood where the fandom stands on this.

[bangytell]

A cheating way jk| m

Don't believe in fairytales, but we got our fantasies And it's me and you, no she. Doja Cat— You right

Summary: Marriage isn't always a good fortune, or perhaps its only the person you married.

Genre: Strangers to lovers, smut

Rated: mature

Pairing: Jungkook x f!reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Non idol au! Infidelity, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of the use of alcohol, pet names, mentions of Namjoon, oral(f! receveing), unprotected sex, praise kink and I think that's all

a/n: I know some of you might have already seen this, im re-uploading, please be nice with your comments. Enjoy

The music pounding waves through your now drunk body as you dance along to the beat, and you feel a warm body approaching from behind you, too drunk to care that you sway your hips along his warm body, he chuckles into your skin and you feel a tickle. 

“Didn't know you're that fun to be around” his voice was deep and hypnotic

You didn't reply, but you looked as his curious look traveled up and down your body, the music was still so loud, and the dizziness of your thoughts made you believe that the best decision you could make is to kiss him.

You don't. You sit with your friends and try not to be wasted any longer. Your friends are laughing at some joke, and you focus your attention on the dance floor. He's not around anymore. You begin to feel that he was just some fantasy of your imagination. 

“Are you [Name] Kim?” The question comes from the man next to you. It's none other than him 

“Why would I give you that information?” he smiles wide, and your heart skips a beat 

“Well, gorgeous, you don't really have to, I know that is you” you arch an eyebrow

“How can a kid know me” his smile never leaves his mouth as he answers back

“How about I show you?” You shake your head in denial

“Look, honey, just get yourself home and forget about me”

“That's impossible” you chuckle “Even if I leave, you'll be in my mind” You show him the ring adorning your ring finger. He chuckles as you look confused 

“I'm not jealous” he leans in, and you get a soft sniff to his cologne. It's sweet and intoxicating 

As the night continues, he doesn't leave your side he tells you more about himself and he listens as you answer to his question, he looks and focus on your eyes, your friends are on the dancefloor and after another five drinks and the smell of his cologne closer and closer to your body lets him leave a hand on your thigh, you're laughing and his face is next to yours, his hot breath on your temple and you smile as you ask him: “And what's your name?” he chuckles and leads a hand to cup your face 

“Jungkook, and don't worry, you'll be saying it a lot tonight” You chuckle again, and he kisses you softly and hungrily his lips are soft, and so are his hands all over you.

The ride holding his back as he drives off on his bike to the nearest yet decent motel makes your stomach bubble up in excitement, you're married yes, but at this point there's no turning point.You arrive, he pays and leads you inside the room. He kisses you, and tries as hard as you can, to forget all your life's problems, and he notices how stiff your movements are and how difficult it is for you to live in this moment. 

“Is everything okay, doll?” You sit on the bed and cover your face with your hands

“I'm sorry, you're probably thinking I'm pathetic” he shakes his head in denial and kneels in front of you 

“Talk to me” you lock gaze with him, and he seems to have forgotten about the horniness in his body 

“I don't think this is a good idea” he nods and you talk again “You're amazing, and you make me feel wanted, desired, like a woman and not like someone's trash” 

“Why would you have such confidence in you?” You huff

“My husband, he's been unfaithful since the fourth month of our marriage, and we've been married for ten years now” you sigh, reminiscing how happy you were the first months 

“And why haven't you divorced?” You huff 

“It's a long story” his hands are on one of your thighs, caressing it as you sigh exasperated “Our families practically set our marriage from our cribs, he's been a heartthrob and I just play my part” 

“Is there any reason why you couldn't leave now? You must have some money of your own, and I know you have a career, so maybe you, you can…” you hold his hands 

“Don't feel so frustrated for me, we can forget about each other the next morning” he sighs 

“And if I don't want to?” You look at him in surprise. He cups your face and leans for a peck 

“Jungkook… I don't think this is good for you nor me” 

“Then just give me this night, give me just one chance to make you think of me” You sigh. His sweet touches and kisses make you agree as he hovers your body on the bed.

His kisses are wet and sloppy as your hands travel around his back, discharging his shirt, you take a moment to look at his wingspan and just at the sight your cunt yearns for him. He helps you take your dress from your head and notices the lack off bra, he cups your breasts with his hands and your body quivers at the cold breeze of the winter, soon his mouth has your nipple around his teeth, licking and sucking on one another making you moan his name and he hums into your skin, as a meal he enjoys. One of his hands is caressing your stomach, traveling down to discharge your panties and your hands are pulling his hair, the sound of his mouth making a wet mess all around your breasts makes you shiver. And he adores the taste of you, the smell of your perfume as he leaves a trail of kisses making his way to your pussy. 

He might be young but he knows exactly where and how to get you started, his tongue presses against your clit and loud pants leaves your mouth, soon, his licks become precise and slowly. He's taking his time eating you out, making your toes curling, and a moaning mess. Your hands are once again on his hair, swirling the strands of hair as you moan and mewl his name. 

He adores the way you say his name, the saccharine moans that leave your mouth and the way one of your hands is gripping the sheets in a attempt so stop the way your body keeps meeting his mouth, the way you close your thighs and try to swirl around him, his hands hold you in place as you shout “ ‘m cumin!” He continues the pace he has as you close your eyes, gripping the sheets stronger and letting your juices go through Jungkook's tongue. You're panting as he pulls his pants down, he gets you comfortable as his tip slides against your clit and he moans at the sloppiness of your cunt. He gets inside of you with a guttural sound from his mouth, he grips from your arms as he pounds into you, harder yet slow. 

“You take me in so well… almost like ngh… almost like your pussy made for me” he moans your name and looks in your eyes, he enjoys the way you're not able to maintain the contact, the way you're saying his name and the way your skin sounds every time he crashes into you.

he's pounding, bullying your walls as you scream at the overstimulation, his hands are now around your neck and you know he's done this before, by the way you're feeling the lack of blood through your head, his pace fastens, his movements are less precise and he cums into you with a guttural moan. The weight of his body on you and the heavy panting makes you feel in bliss. He chuckles as he pulls away from you and the sticky feeling has him giving you a worried look. 

“Don't worry ‘bout it” you chuckle, he gives you your clothes and as you dress you feel his gaze upon you “you're going to wear me out” 

“You're so beautiful” you chuckle and pat the empty space in bed, he lays with you and cuddles as you doze off to sleep. 

In the morning the bed was empty, only a small trace of his cologne makes you remember the night before. There's a small note on the nightstand, he has pretty handwriting. 

If you still want to give me moments to remember, call me

His phone number with a small heart drawing. 

The ride home was automatic, nobody was waiting for your arrival and that made your heart clench.  

You call the number on the note, wondering if it was the right decision, you're getting yourself full of bad decisions. 

“Hey, doll” you smile 

“How did you know it was me” he chuckles 

“I've been answering every call from my work hoping that it was finally you” your heart skip a beat 

“Are you free tonight?” you bite your under lip anxiously 

“For you, I'm free now” you chuckle 

“No Jungkook, I have some meetings today, so at night maybe…” he might believe I'm pathetic

“Alright, but I'll take you to dinner before, don't worry I'll text you the address, bye doll” he hangs up and you hear your front door opening, is your husband. 

“Hey [name] I'm just looking for something don't wait for me tonight” you huff 

“Your mom called, she wanted to know if-...” he cuts you mid sentence 

“I know, she called me earlier, since you can't leave even a text” you scoff 

“Go to hell Namjoon” he smiles and grabs his coat on the door 

“Already there babe” a loud thud leaves you alone in that big house again. 

Your day is filled with the reminiscence of the memories from the amazing night he gave you. You have a smile like no other, and as the night arrives, you're back at your house. He texted the address of a nice restaurant, you hear the front door, and your husband appears at your dorm.

“going somewhere?” he grins, and you find that… odd

“not like you care” you answer bitterly, and he chuckles 

“you wouldn't like to be messing with your perfect reputation, are you?” You chuckle this time 

“stop acting like you even care about me, ‘m out” you leave, and his words are a muffled sound as you walk away, you won't allow him to walk you like that ever again. 

The restaurant is further away than what you had in mind, but everything looks perfect as you arrive, there is a host welcoming you and you realize as the host walks you to his reservation that every table is inside a room, you couldn't hear nothing more than the sounds of your heels hitting the floor. 

A slide door opens, and Jungkook has a rose in his hands as he welcomes you inside. He gives you a peck on your cheek, and you feel the heat coming through them. 

“You look beautiful, angel” you smile and sit down. The host has long been gone, and as you too chat about your day, a waitress comes in 

Jungkook orders, asks you if that's okay with you and you nod in agreement, the fact that he's so considerate about you, he cares about your opinion, and overall he just seems so good to be true. 

The night goes smoothly, you laugh and be touchy with him all the time, around his chest, his back, his hands, and he does the same with you. It is an impossible task to try and keep your hands to yourselves.  

“Is there a way I can have you tonight?” you giggle as he caresses your back, the wine in your system has you dizzy enough

“ ‘m here” he chuckles, you're sitting besides each other and yet, he pulls you to his lap, his hot breath on your neck and his hands are on your waist.

“You know what I meant gorgeous” you shake your head in denial and he kisses the gap between your neck and your shoulder, your body shivers. 

“I do know, nevertheless, ‘m not positive this is a great idea” he nods, kissing your neck and stealing a sigh from you 

“Don't think about it, do you like me?” you lock gaze with him and nod “Then just do it” you cover your face for a second, unsure of how this will impact in your future, his warm hands take yours out of your temple “ can't force you into wanting this but” his hands pull you to him, his hot breath now on your breasts as he leans for a kiss on your skin “I think that you shouldn't think about good or bad, but what actually makes you feel something” you nod and pull him into a needy kiss, his lips are always soft and his breath smells to wine, his cologne is intoxicating every reasonable thought in your brain. 

After that night, many more had come, for a week you've been seeing him in motels and the restaurant, he texts you how much he misses you during the day, and he fucks you dumb at night just so you won't miss him that much the next morning–which you actually do–Two long weeks now and for this one night you can't see him, your husband hosts a party at you house and you have to attend.

You wear a beautiful champagne dress with your hair up and every guest gives you compliments as you walk through the room. Your husband has you from the waist as you try to smile to the guests he's going on and on about how gorgeous you are, and how he feels he won the lottery–all lies of course– the night goes smoothly, at midnight almost everyone is out, your husband is holding hands with a pretty young woman, he's too drunk to even care about being watched, you say goodbye to your guests as you see them walk off, to your bed. You follow them, the girl giggles at some stupid joke he just made, you hear the door opening and you rush yourself to not let them use the bed you're sleeping in tonight. 

“Namjoon, you better not be planning on fucking her on my bed” he scoffs

“It's also my bed, so I do what I'm pleased” you sigh, grabbing the girl from her arm and pulling her beside you 

“Leave, both of you” she looks scared and you try to look calm to her, she nods and walks away as your husband stands and push you “You didn't just do that to me” 

“You always ruin my fun” you scoff

“Namjoon, just take the guests room, and get away from me” 

“I thought that by giving you someone to fuck you'll be more accessible” your breath stucks on your throat, you look at him perplexed at his words

“What do you mean?” he looks at you 

“You actually believed that a young handsome man would wanna fuck you for free?” he spits and you shake your head in denial 

he wouldn't, would he?

“You're too old for that” he chuckles and your blood boils in anger. 

“Leave” he scoffs “you can't hear me? leave!” he stands  and walks towards you

“you'll regret this” he walks past you and leaves your house.

you cry your eyes out all night until the sun travels to your eyes making you wake up, your phone is buzzing, the name of your mother on the screen and after a long sigh you answer.

“can you explain to me why Namjoon’s mother just called me all hysterical?”

“well mother hello to you too, good morning” you huff

“This is a serious matter [name] they’ve been our friends since high school”

“So, you're telling me that she’ll stop being your friend just because I don't wanna continue being married to his stupid son?” You scoff

“no! is not that, but… we have a business they are our biggest investor, we could…”

“if this is ‘bout money, I have money” she sighs, and your doorbell announces a guest “gotta go mom”

when you open the door, you wouldn't expect it to be Jungkook, messy hair and heavy breaths, and that desperate look on his eyes… It is also filled with guilt 

“Am I welcome in?” You lift an eyebrow in response 

“Why should I let you in?” You scoff, and his soft features soften at your harsh tone 

“listen, I know that idiot made me look…”  

“just as an idiot, such as him” he nods at your interruption 

“ ‘m aware, but please listen and understand me” 

“I shouldn't” he nods in response and gazes at you with his big doe eyes

“but please…” you sigh and let him in. You close the door behind him, and as soon as your hands are free, he holds them. “he did offered me money, we had a deal… and ‘m a stupid college student with two part time jobs he sweetened his deal” you don't talk, you only gaze upon him in disbelief “he told me to get you to bed and then he'll give me the money” 

“how much?” he shake his head in deny 

“I didn't got a penny from him” you look surprise 

“but you…” 

“I wanted you to feel the same way I felt by meeting you, you changed me, changed my view of the world, my life wouldn't be the same without you” his words sound sincere and his desperate look makes you believe in him

“he said…” your voice gets muffled by his lips, he holds and cups your face and waist closer to him

“Angel… please believe me” he kisses you once more, gently and caressing your blushed cheek 

“I dunno Jungkook, I'm older than you and…” he scoffs

“You're only like eight years older than me and I really don’ care ‘bout that” you chuckle 

“ ‘m only twenty eight Koo” he chuckles

“see? even better, and yes, keep calling me that” you chuckle as you give in to his embrace 

“I was thinking maybe calling you… love” he hugs you closer, the strands of hair touches your face and his hot breath lights something within you 

“You believe me?” you nod, even if Namjoon has told you something he's always looking for a way to hurt you, Jungkook kisses you once more and you feel like melted ice cream into his arms, your hands try to grip from his shoulders as the kiss deepens his hands wander around your back till one of his arms helps you from the knee for him to carry you to the bedroom–by your directions– You're quite unsure of the moment, you've only decided to believe in him, this is still being in an affair, he's still that young man and anxiety kicks in. his lips and hands undressed you as he kissed every inch of skin he found. 

“Is everything okay doll?” you nod and he stops his movements “you don't seem good” you sigh 

“I don’ wanna think ‘bout that now” you kiss him and pull his shirt and notice a playful grin on his lips, he’s so husky and big for a man his age, you caress his soft and warm body as the rest of the clothes that remain on each of you leaves your body. 

You don’t care, it has only been two or three weeks. You know your feelings are true and even if he doesn’t feel it in the same intensity you can enjoy it while it lasts.

Soon his mouth found the way to your dripping cunt he licks and sucks in the way he knows you'll see stars sooner than later. your hands grip to the sheets while saccharine moans escape your breath as his tongue rides you along your orgasm. He licks off the rest of the juices that left your pussy and he hums in content at the sight of it, you're drunk of his features, of his husky body embracing you closer to slide his cock along your folds, with a pant and a moan from him as he slides inside your walls his thrust are slow and his gaze is

fixated on you, the way you are hugging him closer and your hot breath is on his ear as his movements become faster and harder. 

“You feel so good doll…” he moans as your nails grip his back youre leaving mark for sure and he doesnt care at this point, he loves how desperate you sound as he fuck you dumb. his hands are between your ears and the silver chain moves along him, he’s so dreamy you wanna make sure you're awake to be feeling this way, to be so filled with him. 

Jungkook pulls away from your body but his pace doesn't change, now his thumb caresses the nub of nerves to pull you into another orgasm, only the sound of your skin crashing each other's body fills the room. He praises at your moans, at the way you call his name in a desperate mewl. You need him deeper if that's even possible. You need him to fill you up and as he continues you soon reach another orgasm as he, with a guttural moan fills your cunt with his cum. You're dripping while he enjoys seeing the way your hole clenches in search of his cock once more, as if its never enough, cause its not. He gets up to dress again, you cover yourself with your favorite silk robe as the door opens and your husband gasps in surprise.

“You… whore…” he attempts to reach you, but Jungkook quickly steps up in front of you, he’s only in pants and you notice the way he’s almost bursting in anger.

“Don’t call her that” he’s voice is harsh and almost too deep

“And who do you think you are kid?” he tries to push him, but Jungkook doesn’t move 

“C’mon Namjoon, don’ do this” he gasps and step away

“You fucked in my bed and you have the audacity to ask me not to do things” you scoff

“You've done it too, many, many times, and I just got tired of your cheating ass” he huffs

“I’ll ruin you” you scoff and step up from behind Jungkook “And your family too” you scoff at his intent to try to intimidate you

“Leave my house” you say in response, he gasps and tries to grab your arm “Aint saying things twice Namjoon”

“You'll never see the end of this” you huff as he turns and close the door while he leaves

He can’t scare you anymore, you made sure to have things your way, to have most things under your name and his attempts of threat would go unnoticed. Jungkook hugs you when he notices the way your body trembles, he kisses your forehead as he sits on the bed with you on his lap.

You sigh, feeling relief and warmth within you from the man holding you dearly. He hums in your ear as you calm down, you know you want to be with him, for real and as long as he lets you.

“Jungkook?” he gaze you and nods 

“Yes princess?” you sigh fidgeting your fingers

“Can we… date?” he huffs

“No, I'm supposed to ask you that!” he holds you by your waist, closer to his body “Date me [name]” you nod and giggle at his question 

“You're not… unsure, given how everything went between us?” he shakes his head in deny

“No princess, I wanna be with you, doesn't matter how things were” your heart beats with joy “Sometimes you gotta cheat your way through”

masterlist

©️bangytell please do not copy or steal my work, any translation can’t be done this is the only way to read it.

[aphroditelovesu]

Ok, so In your response to my last spiel, you mentioned that Alexander will have a zero tolerance policy towards anything that may harm Reader and her the twins, including other wives.

It does make me wonder how Alexander would react to one of the wives (aka Roxanna 👀👀👀) trying to kill our girl. I keep picturing this scenario where it's a banquet, feast or some sort of get together with Alexander, Reader, Roxanna and maybe some of the generals. Long story short, Roxanna hands Reader a cup with a 'special' drink (ie she says promotes health, will help with the pregnancy etc). Reader, being as smart as she is, and knowing Roxanna's history, is automatically suspicious. To see if it's safe she either asks Alexander to 'taste' if for her or insists that Roxanna take the first sip. In either case, it results in Roxanna frantically slapping the cup out of Reader's hand before either she or her husband gets poisoned. At that point, everyone has noticed the commotion, and have realized that Roxanna has just tried to poison the Queen.

My question to you is this: what does Alexander do next? Lets assume reader is pregnant just to make thing extra spicy.

Since requests are open again, perhaps you could do it as a reaction blurb? I'll leave that up to you though. I'm just curious as to what you think would happen next.

Thanks, and hope you feel better ❤️!

--O-

❝ 📜— lady l: this was longer than I thought and I don't know if it's good, I liked it, but let me know your opinion, anon! Forgive me for any mistakes, love you! ❤️

❝tw: attempted murder, mention of poison, domestic violence (??), physical punishment and perhaps torture.

❝📜pairing: yandere!alexander the great x female!reader.

❝ 📜word count: 1,246.

It was supposed to be a happy and fun dinner.

Needless to say, that's not what happened.

You were sitting next to Alexander, being shown off as his beloved Queen and heavily pregnant. Everyone was hoping for an male heir and was happy for you, everyone except Roxanna who looked at you as if she wanted to stab you or, in this case, stab you in the stomach.

That scared the shit out of you.

You were already familiar with her story, about what she had done to Stateira and Parysatis, and you were afraid that she might try to do something to you and the baby.

You wouldn't let anything happen, though. Although you weren't excited about the pregnancy news at first, you warmed up to the idea and began to look forward to holding your baby in your arms. And you'd be damned if you let anyone try to take that away from you.

''Are you alright?'' Alexander leaned over and whispered in your ear. You looked at him and smiled, it was still strange calling him your husband, but you were getting used to it.

You gave a weak nod to his question.

Alexander frowned and placed his hands on your swollen belly. It was just a few months until the birth and he was so excited. He did want an heir, but he couldn't help but want to have a girl.

A little princess to love and spoil.

''We need to start choosing names.'' He joked, trying to ease your obvious tension, although he didn't know what was making you tense. Yet.

''I already gave you some choices.''

Alexander grimaced, ''Yes, you did and they are all horrible. What kind of name is Augustus?''

You laughed loudly, attracting attention. Augustus, yes, you had given him that option as a joke. Obviously you weren't going to name your child after the first Roman emperor, but it was fun to play with your husband about historical things.

''It's just a common name where I come from.''

''Hm...'' He half-closed his eyes and you touched his face gently, caressing him. Alexander purred and leaned into your hand.

This earned you a look of compassion and a furious, jealous look from Roxanna. You didn't notice and neither did Alexander, both too busy in your affection for each other.

''I love you.'' He murmured, looking into your eyes intensely.

You smiled at him, ''I love you too.''

''Let's make a toast!'' Nearchus' amused voice sounded and everyone turned to the admiral.

''A toast?'' Cassander asked with a loud voice looking into his cup of wine.

Nearchus laughed loudly and slapped his friend on the back, ''Yes. In honor of our beloved Queen, (Y/N).''

Nearchus didn't notice Roxanna's withering look at him. But you did and the pure hatred you saw in those dark eyes gave you goosebumps.

You knew that look and you knew nothing good was coming.

Everyone raised their cups, even your husband's second wife. You were the only one drinking water, even Hephaestion was drinking wine, and he was loose and happy. And that made you happy, you liked him and he was one of his closest friends and you hated seeing how haggard he seemed lately.

''I dedicate this toast in the name of our beloved (Y/N). Our Queen, sometimes soldier and friend.'' Everyone laughed as they remembered what you had done in the Indian Campaign, ''And the child she carries in her womb. May it come healthy and, regardless of gender, we will love and protect this child. To (Y/N) and the baby!''

''To (Y/N) and the baby!'' Everyone repeated and drank the wine in your honor, you laughed, feeling loved and took a sip of water.

You took a piece of bread and bit into it, satisfying your hunger. Roxanna looked at you and smiled. She took a clay jug and poured the thick, dark liquid into a cup and handed it to you.

You raised your eyebrows in doubt as you picked up the cup.

''It's for you. My doctor told me that it helps with pregnancy and helps the health of the baby and the mother.'' Roxanna explained, biting into a piece of bread.

You mentally scoffed. She didn't think you were that stupid, did she? It was insulting that she thought she could poison you in such a blatant way.

You decided to act quickly, ''Why don't you take a sip first?''

She furrowed her dark eyebrows, ''Excuse me?''

''It's a custom among my people that the person who gave you a cup must taste it first.'' You explained, handing her the cup.

Roxanna looked at the cup in your hands with hatred.

''Take it'' You encouraged her, ''or is there some reason why you don't want to drink it?''

Alexander turned his eyes to you and Roxanna, before he could ask what was going on, Roxanna slapped your hand, making you drop the strange liquid on the table.

The noisy room fell silent in a matter of seconds as Alexander stood up from his chair and fixed his eyes on Roxanna.

''What do you think you're doing?'' Alexander's voice was so cold, so lethal that you stiffened. He ignored you, focusing entirely on his second wife.

Hephaestion, who was sitting on Alexander's left side, stood up and touched the thick liquid on the table. He grimaced as the liquid stuck to his finger.

''That's...'' Perdiccas started to speak but couldn't finish.

''Poison?'' Ptolemy finished for his friend.

''How dare you?!'' Cassander growled, also standing up and glaring furiously at Roxanna. He never liked her, he wasn't oblivious to the hateful looks that Alexander's barbaric wife sent to you, to his friend. And now she tried to poison you.

Cleitus was still sitting, watching everything with a stony expression, but his hand was on the dagger stuck in his chiton. He was prepared to act, one word from you and Roxanna would be eliminated from the world.

Alexander still didn't take his eyes off Roxanna, but he spoke to you, ''Go to our room. I'll be there in a few minutes.''

You wisely decided not to disobey.

You stood up carefully and quickly looked around, watching all your friends, your husband, stare at Roxanna who looked terrified. You should have felt bad for her, but you didn't.

Not when she threatened the life of your unborn baby.

Once you were out of sight, Alexander addressed one of the guards stationed at the entrance to the hall, ''Take the whip.''

Roxanna's small body shook in fear at her husband's words. Her shaking legs gave way and she fell to her knees on the floor, feeling hot tears fall onto the dress she was wearing.

Alexander did not feel sorry. And neither do the others. She had brought this on herself.

Actions have consequences and punishments must be applied. And Alexander would not tolerate anyone threatening your life or that of his unborn child.

Alexander felt satisfaction fill his body as the guard brought out the whip and positioned himself behind a desperate Roxanna's back. He watched with satisfaction as the whip hit her sensitive skin and felt satisfaction when he heard her screams of pain.

Roxanna was to blame for her own pain and the scars that were forever marked on her skin were true proof of that.

[psychwxrdd]

you are unfixable.

rafe is a possessive individual. obsessive, controlling. but you love him, right? so you surely must obey when he tells you not to do something, thats what he expects and thats how it will be. you're his.

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic boyfriend, possessive and obsessive behaviour, side jj x reader, domestic violence

(not mine gif)

the air felt scary inside his car, you were quietly staring at the window, not even breathing properly, scared of how your boyfriend would react. the silence made you even more anxious that if he was yelling instead.

no music, nothing. just the sound of the wheels.

till he broke it.

"what were you two even talking about? huh?"

"i told you, rafe, he just tried to have a normal conversation!" you said clearly annoyed.

he glanced at you.

"i already told you several times, i don't want you talking to that guy!" he almost shouted. his face looked red. his tone was harsh, but he tried not to scream yet.

"rafe...this is crazy! please, see things how they really are, i'm your girlfriend! it is not like i would go out there flirting with anyone else, i love you!"

you wanted to cry at how angry and sad you felt.

"i- i know, but..." he nodded his head, staring at his own hands "i know jj likes you, okay? and i just want to make sure he doesn't think he stand a chance with you"

"what are you talking about?" you furrowed your eyebrows. jj and you were never close, but whenever you had the opportunity to talk, it was something nice, fresh. he was a good company. you were sure he never saw you as anything else than a possible friendship.

"i see how he looks at you... the same way as i do, y/n" you breathed heavily. rafe wasn't just dramatic, he was THE drama queen himself. "don't give me that look!"

"what look?"

"the one you're giving me right now! like...like i'm crazy or something!" his eyes were full of tears, he was holding the steering wheel with a tight grip, his hands looked white.

"look" you said, trying to calm down . there was a brief moment of silence, you were thinking about the right words. "i've been thinking a lot about it, and... rafe, i'm not being healthy for you. our relationship is not healthy for you."

his eyes went wide, knowing what you were about to say. his heart beated so fast he considered he would might have a heart attack.

he knew it. he knew he was a fucking freak, but he couldn't find a healthier way to cope. he was totally, completely obsessed with you, he felt like throwing up by the mere thought of life without you. he knew it was far more than love, he knew it was sick.

"you need to focus on yourself by now, you know? try to stay clean, go see a therapist, take care of your mind and soul-"

before you could finish, he raced the car again. but this time, much faster than before.

"rafe, slow down!"

he kept going faster and faster, till the point where you were almost crying.

"RAFE! STOP!"

he didn't. and thats when you grabbed his arm, desperatedly trying to make him stop.

"please, please rafe, stop right now!"

you were so scared. it was a dark road, you could barely see anything in front of you.

he stopped.

you were breathless. your heart felt anxious, remembering the times where your dad used to fight with your mom and race the car, exactly like this, and threat to kill you and her.

rafe grabbed your wrist on his arm, tightly. "look at me"

you stared immediately, scared for your life. for some reason, you had jj in mind. would this ever happen if you were with him instead? what about the calm, fresh love you always wanted? this wasn't life. love wasn't supposed to be this dark. what if you had never met rafe and were close to jj instead?

of course he was also up for some trouble, but clearly not as extreme as your boyfriend.

"i love you more than i even love myself. but that doesn't mean i will let you hurt me like this and be just fine" he then cupped your jaw. you couldn't hold your sobs anymore.

"i can't live without you, baby, i'm not even phisically able to do it... so you're gonna be with me for the rest of my goddamn life, you get it? i'm gonna marry you soon and we're gonna leave this piece of shit of island, and it's gonna be just us. none of those filthy friends you have, none else but me and you." he tapped your head with his fingers, he didn't blink during the whole time he was saying this. staring at you dead in the eyes. "i'm not joking when i say that i would kill for you, and that including you, baby. you're not gonna leave me, ever"

"i wish i never met you" you cried. immediately regreting, but your emotions were speaking louder.

the slap was so hard you felt like your face and ear was burning on fire.

"we're gonna wash that little pretty mouth of yours once we get home."

[rememberwren]

A Dichotomy of Thought || 1

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four You move next door to a disabled veteran and his troubled partner.

Warnings and details: disabled!Johnny; established Ghoap future Ghoap/reader; domestic abuse (not Ghoap); heavy themes of suicide, violence, abuse, poor coping mechanisms, prescription drugs. I’m not sure if I have anything here, let me know if anyone is interested in this series.

#

A helicopter goes down in the mountains of Kazakhstan and it takes a piece of Soap with it. They never recovered the arm—nor the three service members who lost more than their arms in the crash. The thought is one that Johnny’s mind cycles back to often, in moments of quiet or while he lies awake at night feeling tremors in an arm that’s no longer attached. Suddenly he’ll wonder: what are those bones up to, buried in snow and ice so deep the sun will never touch them again? Do they miss me?

Fuck, he misses them.

#

After the accident, the world is very black and white. Mostly it’s black. Blackness at the edge of his vision threatens to creep in when he stands too long, when he stands on his own, when he turns his head too fast. Anytime his blood pressure rises over that Goldilocks number of 120/80, it threatens to drop him faster than Simon used to during their first weeks of training together in the 141.

The doctors say that he’s a miracle. The traumatic brain injury had his brain swelling and pushing at the confines of his skull like water freezing in a bottle. Give him a little longer in the cold and maybe his cap would blow off. Except it hadn’t; he was still dealing with swelling all over: in his thalamus, his hypothalamus, in his cerebrum, all the words he’d never bothered to learn in school and couldn’t fucking remember now no matter how hard he tries. He gets the point. Simon does too. Johnny should be dead.

Instead he just wishes he were.

Even now, when he can remember his name and Simon’s and even (more often than not) the name of the waitress who serves them chicken and waffles at the local diner every Saturday, there are still more bad days than good. Still more darkness than light. Still more nights waking up to the sound of helicopter blades slowing, the relentless hum becoming a deafening chop chop chop like the thrum of his heartbeat. There’s that moment of weightlessness when the helicopter goes down and he has yet to go with it that makes him wake in a cold sweat, nauseous and looking for something to be sick in.

Through it all, Simon is there. Simon is the light. He’d laugh if he heard Johnny say that—though a laugh is probably too generous. Simon doesn’t laugh much these days. Not when he spends three fourths of his time taking care of Johnny and the other fourth thinking about how better to take care of Johnny. If it weren’t for Simon, Johnny would have done himself in by now. There’s a thousand ways to do it; plenty of arms and munitions in the apartment they share together. Or there are the pain pills, if he wanted it to look like an accident. A few too many of those and he could crawl right through that darkness in his vision and find out what’s on the other side. As soon as the thought crosses his mind (and it crosses his mind more often than that fucking chicken crosses the road), the guilt comes, like anyone and everyone can read it on his mind: his mama rest her soul, Simon, Jesus on the cross. After all of the work that has gone into him, into saving his broken body and mind, into rehabilitating him, how can he even think of throwing in the towel?

Turns out it’s pretty fucking easy to think about it.

As a matter of fact, he’s thinking about it the first time he meets you, when you nearly do the job for him.

It’s spring, cool, and he’s working up a goddamn sweat anyway. Simon stands in the alleyway, smoking and pretending not to watch as Johnny hobbles up and down the length of the parking lot with his forearm crutch. His armpit throbs. His knee throbs. His head throbs as he continues along, beating out a strange little rhythm on the concrete—thum-thump, thum-thump, thum-thump. He says all the curse words he knows and dreams up a few new ones too. It’s supposed to be getting easier, but Simon just pushes him harder to make up for the ground he covers. That’s one of the shitty parts about loving an ex-military man; he never goes easy on you.

Johnny’s thinking about the tub upstairs, just big enough for him if he curls in on himself. Sometimes a hot bath helps the knots in his muscles, but sometimes when Simon leaves the room to get a washcloth Johnny will slip beneath the surface of the water and see how long he can hold his—

Then you come out of absolutely nowhere in your shitty little four-door and nearly hit him. As a matter of fact, you do hit his crutch, sending it sprawling out of his hand and sending him clattering to the ground on his bad side. For a moment, he thinks: this is it. This is how I die. Not in a helicopter in Kazahkstan but here, now, today, and he can’t tell if it’s relief in his belly or regret. Then your tires squeal like pigs on the pavement, the smell of burnt rubber thick in the air, and he is face to face with you and your horror, close enough that the air from your hasty turn brushes along his body and sends his heart pounding.

“What the steaming bloody fucking Jesus do you think you’re doing?” he finds himself shouting, pain lancing all along his side from his fake knee to the stump of his arm. Simon is there all at once, cigarette abandoned to smolder to ash in the alleyway, putting his hands under Johnny’s armpits and lifting him like a child even when he yelps in pain like a kicked dog. Johnny leans against him heavily. The edges of his vision are turning black. He bangs his fist against the hood of your car. “Did Jesus send ye? Did He tell ye to finish the fucking job and do me in? ‘That’s the cunt right there, beam him with your car’? Did he tell you that?”

You reluctantly get out of the car, not even wearing a goddamn seatbelt. The car’s soft, insistent alarm begins to remind you with unending politeness that the door is open and your seatbelt is off while you stand there, pallid, eyes huge and watering in the face of Johnny’s shouts.

He sees then that one of your eyes is swollen almost completely shut, blood turning the white sclera pink like the fine mist of blood over the snow when they finally pulled Johnny free from the helicopter. No wonder you didn’t see him coming, with a single functioning eye. He’s opened his mouth to tell you so (and to tell you a dozen other fucking things) when he nearly swoons, the rug of the world being tugged under his feet by the hand of God.

Simon slips a firmer arm around Johnny’s waist.

A man gets out of the passenger side. He begins to berate you for not paying attention, for nearly killing Johnny. Johnny agrees, but is annoyed all the same. He’s the one who almost died; leave the shouting to him.

“I’m so sorry,” you choke out, tears dripping near-constant from your eyes. “I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry. Let me get your—”

“Done enough, haven’t you?” Simon asks cooly. It sends you reeling back into the car where you sit with both hands over your mouth, chest hitching with your panicked sobs.

“Hey, is he, like, okay?” your partner asks.

“Fuck off,” Simon says, deftly ushering Johnny over one shoulder and holding the crutch in the other. He carries them back to the elevators without breaking a sweat, and Johnny cries on his shoulder from the pain of it, the sheer embarrassment of it the whole way home. The day before Kazahkstan he couldn’t have been able to tell you the last time he cried; now he cries every fucking day from one reason or another.

“I’m fine,” Johnny says when they make it back to the apartment and Simon eases him down into a chair. They arrange his knee in the one position that has it throbbing less, but then Johnny bats Simon’s hands away. “Go. I’m fine. I don’t need you hoverin’ over me.”

“Alright.”

“Fuck off with yer alright.”

Simon doesn’t say anything. Johnny hears his footsteps leading toward the bedroom they share—hardly a bedroom, how long has it been since they slept there together peacefully? Since they fucked? Johnny can tell you how long it’s been. Since before things went black and white. The footsteps stop then.

“You stepped in front of her, Johnny,” Simon says, his voice low but not quiet enough to count as a whisper. “I watched you do it. Don’t think you’re so fucking slick.”

He shuts the bedroom door behind him.

[waywardxwords]

The Fix - Part 2

Summary: Everyone has a past, but yours seemed to haunt you. You've tried to move forward with a normal life, but the day comes when that's not possible anymore. When Sheriff Beau Arlen enters your life, you're certain he is going to judge you just like everyone else in town does. But something about Beau is different.

Warnings: Child abduction, brief mention of domestic violence, language

Word Count: ~2.8k

Beau had met you at the entryway of the elementary school within minutes, concern etched across his face in the way of worry lines that likely matched yours. 

“You alright, darlin’?” He asked gently as he approached with a tentative hand on your shoulder blade. 

Under the weight of his hand, you felt the ultimate collapse. Everything tumbled out of you in a way you didn’t expect (nor did he, by the look on his face). But either way, he used that hand to pull you flush against his chest and wrapped his other arm around your waist. He held you as you sobbed into the lapel of his brown jacket. The material was cool from the bitter wind just outside the door. 

“It’s gonna be alright,” he coaxed softly with his mouth close to your ear. “We’re gonna get her back.” You tried to nod and speak, but only shaky breaths came out. Beau pulled you to his side and stepped forward towards one of the agents. “Beau Arlen, Sheriff,” he put his hand out to greet the agent. 

“Matt Donahue with the FBI,” the man shook his hand. 

“What can you tell me?” Beau asked. He refused to break eye contact with the agent as he asserted his position of caring for the people in this town. 

Matt’s gaze moved back over you—your tear-stained and reddened cheeks, disheveled hair. He knew you wanted answers, but he also knew he couldn’t provide any right now. “Sheriff, as you know, the case of Jackson Lyle is ongoing. There’s nothing I can share right now.”

“I understand the Lyle case is off limits,” Beau spoke confidently. “But now, a five-year-old girl is missing. That changes things. Where are you at with a search party? An Amber Alert go out yet? At this point, Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota, Wyoming and Idaho should all be on alert. Have you talked to border patrol? He could be headed to Canada, for all we know.” 

“Sheriff, we are handling it,” the agent tried to assure. Something told you Beau didn’t trust the agents anymore than you did. 

“Then why the hell haven’t I seen an Amber Alert? As you know, agent—the first twenty-four hours are crucial. The decisions made now could make or break this,” he lowered his voice but you still heard him. 

“We are working on it, you have my word,” Matt sighed. 

“Your word doesn’t mean a whole lot ‘round this town,” he said firmly. “With all due respect, of course.” He added with a smirk that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He didn’t stick around to go back and forth any longer. He turned to you and wrapped his arm back around your waist again as he led you to the door. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” You stumbled over your words but didn’t fight him as you braced yourself for the cold. The air practically took away whatever breath you had left. His grip tightened as you walked towards his truck. 

“We’re goin’ to the station. I have a plan,” his words were firm and his gaze didn’t waver from his truck. Your head whipped to look at him as he guided you. 

“Beau, they said to leave it be,” you didn’t know what the right answer was, and while you didn’t agree with leaving it alone, you also didn’t want to be in any trouble with the FBI. 

“Yeah, well, I say I’m the Sheriff and I can do as I please,” he opened the passenger door of his truck for you to step in. 

“My car’s here,” you thumbed to the parking lot where your truck was still parked. 

“I’ll have a deputy come by and pick it up,” he waved it off as he closed the door and headed to the driver’s side. 

You took a shaky breath. As he pulled open the driver’s side door, you stared blankly straight ahead out the windshield. Every bit of you felt numb, completely wrecked by the events that had taken place. 

“We’re gonna get her,” you realized Beau had been staring at you. 

“How? You heard the agent, they’re running this show,” to say you felt defeated would be an understatement. 

Beau slipped the key into the ignition and turned. As he pulled out of the parking space, his words were clear. “I’m doin’ a press conference,” he said firmly. 

This wasn’t the first time you had found yourself in the local police department, but this was by far the worst. A steaming cup of coffee had been set in front of you, but you didn’t feel like drinking it. You blinked as your eyes focused on the opposite white wall in the tiny interrogation room. 

The door opened, but you didn’t bother fixing your gaze. It wasn’t until he stepped into view and pulled up a chair that you adjusted your eyes. 

“I know you’ve been through this a hundred times,” he started slowly with a sigh. “But I need you to tell me what she was wearing today, and any descriptions. If you have a recent picture, that would be great.” Beau’s words were gentle—more gentle than you’d heard them before. Even though it was always clear Beau felt bad about your circumstances, this seemed different. 

“Do you have any children?” The words fell from your lips with little emotion, but there was a reason you asked and Beau knew that. 

“I do. A daughter,” he cleared his throat. “And I know if I were sittin’ where you are, I’d be absolutely lost. Hell, I’ve been there before.” 

Your eyes bolted to reach his gaze. “She went missing?” There was hope in your words as you realized she must have been found. 

“Sure did,” he nodded. “And we got her back. Just like we’re gonna get Bailey back, you hear me?” He seemed hesitant for the first time that day as he reached out and held your hand in his across the table. “I’m going to get her back.” He said firmly. 

You nodded once and broke eye contact. As you pushed the tears out of your eyes, you spoke. “She’s 43 inches tall. About 39 pounds. She had on denim jeans, with a daisy patch sewn on the pocket. A white daisy, with some green petals,” you closed your eyes as you pictured it. “Bluey sneakers…”

“Sorry, Bluey?” He asked, confused. 

You smiled through the pain of the moment. “It’s a cartoon. A little blue dog,” you continued. “She had on a long-sleeve pink t-shirt, I think it says ‘GAP’ on it in a darker pink. And a lavender puffy coat. I braided her hair today—one braid down the back.” You looked back at him to make sure he had captured it all. 

“You did good, sweetheart. You got a recent picture?” He asked. 

“Of course,” you fumbled through your phone and found a picture you had taken just the night before. Your heart nearly crumbled at the memory of playing hide and seek just after dinner. You handed your iPhone over to him and nibbled on your bottom lip. 

“I’m gonna send this to myself, alright?” You nodded at his question. “Jackson hasn’t tried to reach out to you, right? No family members? Anything?”

You shook your head ‘no’. “It’s been radio silence. I called the last number I have for him but it’s disconnected. I’ve tried his mom, sister, best friend…most didn’t answer, but his mom says she hasn’t heard from him.”

He nodded his head as he sent himself the photo of Bailey. “Alright, thanks for hanging with me, darlin’,” he gave your hand one last squeeze before he slid your phone back to you. Even in the haze of everything happening around you, your body couldn’t deny the feeling of warmth that simple squeeze cascaded through your veins. 

“Now what?” You murmured as he stood from his seat. 

“Now,” he started as he glanced at the door to the interrogation room. “I’m about to piss off the FBI and do a press conference.” He gave you a small smile. 

Beau had decided not to include you in the press conference, even though it was a fairly common practice to showcase the family members. He had said it was too dangerous, but he also didn’t want you in any trouble with the FBI. “I’ll take the fall, don’t you worry,” he had said to you as he headed for the front of the Sheriff’s office. “What’re they gonna do, fire me?” He had almost chuckled, but you didn’t know if that was a possibility. You couldn’t imagine Beau would actually risk his career for this—for you, the ex-wife of a con man he had been trying to hunt down for the last three months—but then again, you didn’t know Beau Arlen. 

You watched from the confines of Beau’s office where he had set you up with a television dialed in on the local news. 

He stepped up to the podium and looked as confident as ever. “Now we have Sheriff Beau Arlen with an important press conference,” the news anchor stated. “Let’s listen in.” 

“Afternoon, folks,” Beau greeted as he looked down at the notes in front of him. “We have a missing five-year-old girl tonight out of Big Sky and we’re askin’ for the public’s help in locating her. We’ll post this photo just after this conference, but she is five-years-old, approximately 43 inches tall and 39 pounds. She left home this morning wearing jeans with a daisy patch on the pocket, a light pink long-sleeved t-shirt that says ‘GAP’, a lavender puffy coat and sneakers with a little blue dog on them, called Bluey.” 

Your heart raced against the confines of your chest as he spoke and more tears yet again flooded your eyes. 

“She is in the presence of Jackson Lyle, who is considered to be armed and dangerous. If you have seen anything or heard anything, please contact the Sheriff’s office immediately,” he said. “We’ll be coordinating a search and rescue team in a few hours and are askin’ for the public’s help, and anyone who may want to volunteer. If interested, you can meet us at the Sheriff’s office at five o’clock.”

You felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. The FBI had hardly attempted to coordinate with the public, but now the word was out and people could start looking for your daughter. 

“Here’s the photo, and this will be posted across news pages and social media here shortly,” Beau finished. “I’ll take any questions now.” 

“Sheriff, is this the same Jackson Lyle who has been on the run the last few months?” A reporter asked. 

“It is,” Beau replied. 

“What is the girl’s relation to Jackson Lyle?” Another reporter asked. 

“Jackson Lyle is her biological father,” Beau stated simply. There were murmurs from reporters in front of the podium. “We aren’t going to discuss anything regarding Jackson Lyle further. Our goal is to get this little girl home as quickly as possible. If you see Bailey Lyle or Jackson Lyle, please call our office immediately. Thank you.” He stepped away from the podium and the screen cut back to the local news. 

They didn’t miss a beat to show the photo Beau had shared—it felt surreal to see your baby girl on the local news. The tears fell from your eyes as they began to talk about the conference. 

“For our viewers who may not remember, Jackson Lyle is the man who was arrested almost a year ago now for drug trafficking and domestic violence,” and there it was. The painful past that made you want to vomit. You reached for the remote and muted the screen, your eyes steadied on the photo of your daughter. 

Almost instantly, you heard the door to Beau’s office open. Your gaze darted there and tried to focus on him, but it was a challenge through the tears. 

His firm demeanor fell when he saw you. “You alright, darlin’?” You shook your head back and forth. “I know it’s a lot, and I’m real sorry for that.” A heavy sigh fell from his lips. “But we need to get you outta here. We’re gonna go out the back to avoid the press.” You stood to your feet and wiped at your eyes with the back of your hand. 

“Aren’t we setting up the search party here?” You asked him, confused. 

He paused and diverted his eyes to the floor below his boots. “I just need to get you somewhere first,” he hesitated, and you knew that he was trying to skirt around whatever it was he wanted to say. 

“Beau…” you started, the pain in your voice strengthened so it was firm. “I’m joining the search party.” 

“I just need you to get in my truck,” his tone was pleading. “I need you to trust me.” His eyes bore back into yours again and you thought if you stared hard enough, you might be able to see his soul. 

Even though trusting people wasn’t really your thing, you nodded once and followed him through the door to the back exit of the building. His steps were long and quick, and for every stride he took, you took two. He threw open the driver’s door and you did the same to the passenger. As soon as you were in and your door was closed, he peeled out of the lot. 

Your eyes studied the side of his face. The worry lines he had acquired over the years, the freckles that matched his green gaze, plus some he had probably gotten from spending his days in the sunshine. His hair swooped to the side of his forehead haphazardly and you realized this day had taken almost as much out of him as it had you. 

“Beau, where are we going?” Your voice was soft but your tone was firm. You didn’t want to be mad at him—he seemed to be the only person taking initiative at finding Bailey. 

He didn’t say anything, and that scared you. But you knew these roads better than anyone, and you knew the direction you were headed. 

“Don’t you dare take me home, Beau,” you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. 

“I need you to listen to me,” he gripped the steering wheel tightly as he turned onto your private drive. “We need someone to stay at the house in case Bailey comes home. Havin’ you out there isn’t gonna change anything. I need you here. It’s the safest place for you.” 

“I don’t give a fuck about being safe, Beau!” Your voice raised as the anger boiled in the pit of your stomach. “All I care about is finding my kid. Did you sit at home when your daughter was missing?! And don’t you dare lie to me.”

“This is my job,” he emphasized. “And in order to do my job right, I need you here.” He shifted the gear into park. You noticed the two deputies already parked just outside your home. 

“You’re something else,” you scoffed, anger flowing freely. “How dare you.”

“You know what, sweetheart? I know you’re pissed. I hear you, and I’m sorry,” he sighed. “You can be mad at me all you want. Hate me, even, I don’t care. But I made you a promise that I’m gonna get your girl back, and I intend to keep it.” 

Your door opened and you recognized the deputy on the other side, it was Deputy Mo Poppernak. 

“Ma’am,” he greeted you with a nod. He was nervous, and you could tell Beau had prepared his team for this moment.

“You told me to trust you,” angry tears settled in your eyes and at this point, you didn’t think it was possible to have any tears left after how much you had cried that day. “I don’t trust anyone–you know that! How could you do this to me? He’s not bringing her back here, Beau. You have to know that. I need to be out there looking for her!” Your voice was broken and tired, but you begged anyway. There was no dignity left, and you didn’t care.

Beau reached across the center console area of his truck and grasped your hands in his. Slowly, so he enunciated every word, he said, “I’m going - to get - her back. You have my word.” He held your gaze for a moment before he looked just over your shoulder. “Get her outta here, Pops.” 

You tirelessly struggled against Mo Poppernak’s hands as he tried to ‘help’ you out of the truck. “I’ve got it,” you grumbled. As soon as your feet were safely on the gravel, the deputy closed the door and Beau flipped it into reverse. 

You prayed he knew what he was doing. 

Surprise! I’m dropping this a day ahead of schedule, because tomorrow is super hectic for me and I just can’t wait any longer (Team No Chill, over here). Thank you for all of the feedback, likes and shares on the last part. I hope I am keeping you hooked! As always, I would love any feedback you may have for me, or just your thoughts and feelings as you read <3. I appreciate you! New installments posted on Wednesdays and Saturdays! (Minus today, where I’m posting a day early [depending on where you are in the world when you read it!]).

A preview of the next chapter:

There were multiple deputies coming and going from your home. Mo seemed to be the constant—he was the only one who actually came inside. He wanted to make sure you had water and he tried to get you to eat (tried being the key word). But you were glued to the television. The search had begun, but they weren’t showing much. You had only seen Beau once on your screen, but you assumed they were trying to be inconspicuous with where they searched, just in case Jackson was watching. 

Matt, the FBI agent, had stopped by. You assured him you didn’t know anything about the press conference or the search. The anger you felt around Beau ditching you had mostly diminished. But now it was replaced by anxiety, fear and despair. 

Mo had been gracious enough to close Bailey’s bedroom door when he spotted you staring from the doorway with tears falling down your face. 

“She’s probably cold and tired,” you muttered as he approached. 

“It’s going to be okay, ma’am. We’re going to find her,” his words were meant to be comforting, but you knew he couldn’t make you any promises.

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

Tag List: @jackles010378 @ladysparkles78 @zepskies @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @djs8891 @globetrotter28 @deans-baby-momma @k-slla @agentorange9595 @dragonfly92 @nancymcl @springsteeen @perpetualabsurdity @deanwinchestersgirl87 @mimi-luvzyu @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @ultimatecin73 @spnfamily-j2 @impalaspixie

Want to join the Tag List? Click here!

[igotanidea]

Heal the past: Dick Grayson x f!reader

Summary: Y/n and Dick has no secrets from each other. She is his pillar, strong and reliable and always there for the all the batboys. So, why does her health keep getting worse and what could she possibly keep in the dark?

Warnings: mentions of abuse, past trauma and therapy sessions, apart from that it's fluff/comfort

A/N: another story based loosely on a work case. I hate domestic violence incidents and hereby I dedicate this ff to everyone who has ever experienced one or currenly is - seek help, you can free yourself from that pain and fear. The first step is always the hardest.

„Y/N?”

„Hi there” she slowly turned her gaze towards the door where Dick was standing, eyeing her carefully. She tried her best to cover up for how she was feeling, but she was painfully aware he noticed everything. Her slightly red and puffy eyes, her reddened cheeks, the way she was holding her knees against her chest, rocking back and forth, mere seconds before his entering. He knew she wasn’t all good, there was no point in neither asking nor denying. If anyone was looking  for a perfect example of a mess  sure as hell she was one. 

“How… how was it today?” He dared to take a step in, testing girls’ reaction and since she did not ask him to leave he came even closer, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her.

“Hard.” she managed to say. “But what’s new.” Another attempt at cover-up by using a sad smile.  

“Is it a good or a bad sign?” it was so touching how truly concerned he was.

“I … I don’t really know. It’s just a lot to process, you know. The years of trauma and hiding your own feelings and emotions?”

“Believe me, I know well enough” he sighed deeply and she mentally slapped herself. He’s been through a lot as well.

“And yet, between you and me I am the one who was forced to start therapy sessions.”

“You weren’t forced……” he trailed, but she cut him off

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I was offered the chance to work through my past and convinced to accept.”

“Y/n……” he reached for her hand but she retrieved it from his grip, making his face drop a bit.

***

Half a year ago something bad started happening to her. Nightmares, constant fear. She had those symptoms before, but never so strong. It was not because of the fact that she became a part of bat family, taking care of teenage vigilantes and dating one of them. Nope. Surprisingly she was taking that pretty well, all things considered. This was the normal amount of stress. The problem was elsewhere and even though everyone was worried about her, she was just shrugging it off casually pretending she was doing fine. Nonetheless, it took an enormous amount of energy to suppress the shaking hands, calm the breath and not scream out loud when panic attacks creeps in for unknown reason. And then, because of all of this sucking up she started having headaches and later on, migraines, up to point where light was always too bright, and the sounds were always too loud. But she tried her best to survive, act strong and just live on, even if everyone knew something was terribly off. Their premonitions soon turned reality when she fainted in the kitchen.  She didn’t even get a chance to wrap her mind around what was happening when out of the blue she got dizzy, the whole world was spinning and she felt as if someone hit her in the back of the head with something extremely heavy.

“Jason…..” she gasped since he was the one closest to her, his eyes immediately focusing on the girl and his expression changing from his natural wry to concern and a bit of fear

“Y/N? What is happening?”

“I’m not…….. I’m not feeling well….” she grabbed the kitchen counter stabilizing herself but it was for nothing “I think…. I’m gonna throw up…”

“Jeez, Y/N, in some other circumstances I would ask you if you are pregnant, but …. hey, come on, don’t  plotz on me” thank god, he was quick enough to catch her  before she hit the ground yelling for Dick to come quickly.

Grayson wasn’t usually the one to react to Jason commands and it was no different this time. It took three attempts to finally get him to move his butt, and he only did so, because his younger brother pointed out it was about Y/N. Just the mention of her name made Dick sprung out of the couch and rush to the kitchen. Oh, he did not expect to find his love unconscious in Jason’s arms and a lot of feelings flooded him.  Confusion of what just happened, terror of whether she was alright and anger, ironically jealousy since Jason was the one to hold her and the unreasonable amount of guilt since because she was his girlfriend it was his duty to care about her and protect her. But all that could wait. She was the priority now. What was important, was checking her medical condition and finding out what caused her fainting. Dick was quick to take her from Jason and scoffing and frowning at his brother carried her to the bed, calling Alfred on the way.

While she was being checked up and still out cold, Dick refused to leave her side for a second, holding her hand in his, caressing her palm and praying silently that everything would turn up fine. He wouldn’t survive if it turned out that she was sick and dying for example. He should have taken better care of her, he shouldn’t have exposed her to so much stress, he should have told her to go see the doctor the second he noticed her health deteriorating. He should have…

“Master Dick?” Luckily, Alfred knew when to step in to stop the boy’s from beating himself up and his mind from spiraling

“Yes, Alfred?”

“She’s going to be all right. There’s no sign of anything suspicious about her organism. Maybe just a little increased blood pressure, but it will pass.”

“Thank God” Dick let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding “Thank you, Alfred.”

“It’s nothing .And … Dick?”

“Hm?” this time the boy did not even bother to look at the older man, his gaze fixed on the girl’s face, gently caressing her cheek, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“She’s gonna need some rest. And…. And I think she should see a specialist.”

“A specialist?” now he turned towards the butler “what do you mean?”

“Don’t you see? You know, master Dick for someone so well trained in observation as vigilante, you can be absolutely oblivious in real life. Y/N suffers from anxiety disorder. And maybe, maybe she’s a bit depressed, but I’m not   qualified enough to determine that. “

“She’s what?” Dick opened his eyes wide in shock  “Why? Why did she never tell me?”

“You will have to ask her about that yourself. I’ll leave you two alone.”

“When will she wake up?” Dick’s voice broke a little and Alfred knew how much strength it took for the boy to hold himself together upon hearing the revelations.

“Can’t really tell, but I suggest you to be patient.”

“Right…. Thank you, Alfred. Will you…. will you stay with her when I go patrolling tonight?”

“Are you crazy?” Jason came inside the room almost yelling at his older brother but quickly calming down when he noticed Y/N pale figure on the bed “You’re not going anywhere. Demon, replacement and me can take of things. She needs you more. Besides, I don’t think you;ll be able to focus on anything and as much I would love to see you beaten up for once, she would kill me if I ever let anything like that happen. Can’t risk her wrath.”

“Her wrath, huh?” Dick smirked

“Yeah. Of course. But… she’s gonna be all right, right? She just looks so weak….”

“We’ll make sure of that.”

“Why did no one tell me y/n lost consciousness?!”

“Father, calm down.”

“How can I calm down Damian? She’s……”

“She needs quiet. I suggest both of you stop yelling!”

“Who’s yelling now, Tim?!”

“Oh, shit….” Dick facepalmed

“I’ll get them out of here.” Jason stated simply

“Yeah, well, good luck with that.”

However, Jason did manage to drag Bruce, Tim and Damian out of the bedroom and forced them to focus on patrol, while Dick just stayed with Y/N. At first he was sitting beside her bed, but after fifteen minutes started getting nervous, pacing around. Why wasn’t she waking up? Alfred said she was fine, but … shit! He ruffled his hair in desperation. It was going to be a long night.

***

 He gave up after three hours. He was exhausted from his own thoughts and walking back and forth like no night patrol has ever made him. Defeated by his own body and tiredness he finally laid down next to Y/N, gently sneaking his arms around her pulling her in from behind, nuzzling his face into her neck, hoping she would somehow feel his presence and the love he felt for her. Apart from a single sharp breath when he touched her and a bit of a shift in a position she did nothing more, especially did not wake up. So he just laid there, eyes shot, brows furrowed.

“Please, don’t leave me…..” he whispered against her soft skin.

***

She woke up two hours later, at 2 a.m., but not in the way he was expecting. She sprung out, crying and panting, definitely reliving some crazy nightmare. Her whole body was shaking, petrifaction in her  eyes breaking his heart.

“No….” she panted, tears falling down “no, no, no, no, please……” apparently she wasn’t fully awake yet.

“Y/N” he said quietly, not wanting to scare her “It’s ok. It was just a nightmare. You’re safe. I’m here.”

“Di… dick?”

“I’m here, baby” he held her close to his chest, engulfing her in his warm embrace “No one is going to hurt you, I swear.”

“I….”

“Sh. You don’t need to say anything.“ he pulled her in even closer, not sure if he was trying to comfort her of himself. Maybe both. “Unless you want to. Do you want to?”

“No.” she shook her head

“All right then. We can just stay like this.”

“Dick?”

“Hm?” he hummed, stroking her hair and laying back down with her on top of him

“Can you just hold me like this for a while? I … I really need this.”

“Y/N.  We’ve been together for like a year now and you still feel the need to ask me about it?”

“You know…. it comes from my past and……”

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t need to explain. I will hold you for however long you need. And as long as you will allow me to.”

*** Dick knew she needed space, he did. But the nightmare that happened that one night repeated three more times in a row and he had to confront her about it. How could he let her suffer alone like this?

“Y/n, enough is enough.” He stormed into her room, not caring about the closed door

“What are you talking about?” she raised an eyebrow at him

“You need to tell me what is going on with you.”

“Nothing is…..”

“Stop it” he spat and she flinched at the tone. “Sorry, I did not mean it to come out like this” he rubbed his forehead “but I need to know what’s troubling you. I need to know what I can do to make it better…..”

“Dickie….”

“Please…” he whispered placing himself next to her, grabbing her chin softly making her look at him, knowing well enough she would try to avoid his gaze.

“How can I…..?” she gulped “how can I even begin to explain this…..?”

“Baby, it’s me. I love you. You don’t need to hide.”

“But….”

“Listen to me, nothing, nothing you did can make me change my mind about you.”

“But…..”

“I’m here for you.” he whispered kissing her forehead and this simple gesture broke her as she started sobbing, trying extremely hard to muffle it by covering her mouth with the hand. “What’s the nightmare about?”

“It’s… it’s about my father… Shit, it’s so stupid….. I should be over it, it has been so many years since…..”

“Did he do something to you?” Dick’s voice turned a bit more vigilante- like, his eyes glistening with first indications of rage

“He…. He was on short fuse… and…. Many, many times when I said or did something he did not like …..

“Y/N. You need to tell me exactly what did he do to you.”

“He used to beat me up…..” her voice was now barely a whisper “never enough to leave any bruises or cuts though. At least, not physically” she let out a hysterical laugh while still crying

“I’m gonna find him and kill him” Dick hissed, now turning into vigilante, but quickly getting back on earth. It was not right, whatever fury was running inside his veins. He could not comprehend how anyone, let alone man, fuck!, a father could use any aggression on his beloved girl. No wonder she was upset of late

“Dick, please, I’m sorry. I never should have told you. It was so long ago, I really have no idea why this started taking its toll on me now. Maybe it’s because  I fell for you and … and I don’t really have good experience with men………. I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry? My babygirl. I love you so fucking much, you know it, right?” he pulled her into a hug, kissing her head repeatedly. I would never, never hurt you.” she was shaking hard in his embrace “God. Why did you never tell me this?” she muttered something incoherently, but he did not care about her reasons to keep it secret. “Did he beat your mum too?”

“I… I can’t remember. But to tell the truth, my mum was even worse at times…. She…..” Y/N started hyperventilating “she was more of a vocal aggressor….I… I….”

“Ok, that’s enough. Focus on me, ok? The past is in the past. You are mine to protect and care about and love . Whatever sad story you had, not every man is like your dad. I’m not.”

“I know” she sobbed desperately again “but it just hurts so deep. I never knew….”

“Sh.sh. Don’t worry. We’ll get you help. I promise. I’m not leaving you alone with this.”  

 And that was how she ended up in weekly meetings with psychologist. At first she was doing everything to avoid the uncomfortable, painful parts of her life. The doctor however was not easily manipulated and after first three meeting she was like a zombie, processing all the emotions extruded for years. Letting someone see them, riffle through them and make her fell apart was a lot. And deep inside she was worried if she could pick up all the pieces and figure out who she was under the surface. But slowly, slowly, she was healing and it was as much because of Dick’s and whole Batfamily support as of her own efforts.

*** Sometimes, there were bad days, obviously, sessions that made her feel broken, vulnerable and helpless. And this was definitely the case today. That was why she isolated herself in her room, putting all the information together in her head. And that was why Dick was a bit hesitant to check on her, but decided to give in and talk to her, hoping she won’t cut him out, but when she yanked her hand he wasn’t sure if it was good idea anymore.

“I’m sorry, Dick. I didn’t mean to give you the air” she looked him into the eyes, cupping his cheek “It’s just an old habit. I know you care about me. I’m… I’m still learning how to be more… open with what I feel. And how to get past my… well, past” she chuckled lightly and it was the best view he could ever see.

“Trust me, I’m learning with you. “ he leaned into her touch “And I need you to know that I’m proud of you.”

“Proud?”

“For putting yourself out there. I know it’s hard.”

“Whatever you say, Mr Nightwing.” She punched his chest

“Is this how you wanna play now, Miss Y/N?” he grabbed her wrist and kissed each of her knuckles, simplicity and tenderness of this gesture making her melt.

“Can you hold me?” she burst out “I need to know you are real and not just a friction of my imagination”

“Come here” he opened his arms and she dived in without any inhibitions. “Real enough for you?”

“I love you, you fool.” She mumbled and he laughed wholeheartedly. She was really healing.

“I love you too Y/N. More and more every day. ”

[yanderes-galore]

Romantic Yandere Russell Adler (Cod: Cold War) who gets utterly obsessed with Enemy!Reader who refuses to reciprocate his feelings whenever they meet up at the enemy lines? Or when he decides to meticulously capture her himself and use MK-Ultra on her if Stockholm Syndrome doesn’t work?

He's an underrated character when it comes to fanfics here so I'd love to! First Cold War request so I'm hoping I got Adler/the plot right.

Potential Spoilers for Call of Duty: Cold War

Yandere! Russell Adler with Enemy! Darling

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Brainwashing/Mind control, Forced relationship, Violence, Manipulation, Kidnapping, Darling is like Bell, Forced touching mentioned.

This feels an awful lot like a Bell situation....

Especially with the whole MK-Ultra thing you mentioned.

Adler is a morally gray character so he'd have no issues with brainwashing and placing false memories into your head.

Especially if he managed to fall or an enemy.

You were most likely in a similar situation as Bell.

You worked for Perseus and saw Adler as your enemy.

You and Adler have met on the battlefield many times before.

You're enemies... but Adler thought otherwise.

For some reason he fell for you.

Hard, too.

Adler tried to ignore such feelings at first.

He should capture you and interrogate you.

You're an enemy, that is all.

Yet he couldn't help but look into you.

You could be useful... if you just fought for the "right side".

He could care for you if you change sides now!

You never listen.

Your situation is a one-sided enemies to lovers trope.

All it takes is one accident to knock you away from Perseus.

Then... you're in his hands.

Very similar to Bell, they try normal interrogation first.

Adler's feelings intensify when he interrogates you.

You're at his mercy... now you have to listen to him.

Adler can't kill you, he doesn't want to.

If he really has formed feelings for you since the battlefield then he tries to avoid such an outcome.

Adler takes advantage of your restraints when interrogating you.

He traces his hands against you and really tries to push his feelings into view.

Essentially it's like he's using seduction to make you talk.

You can really tell how deranged you make him at this point.

He lightly touches your cheek and holds your hand despite the restraints.

He compliments you, he tells you his thoughts about you.

With how fast he's grown attached to you it comes off as jarring.

Once he realizes he isn't getting info or even reciprocation from you then he turns to other means.

MK-Ultra to be exact.

The idea of that is terrifying.

Adler could implant whatever information and memories he wants in that head of yours.

So, he thinks of something more domestic.

Something straight from his fantasies.

The fabricated life you're given is something along the lines of this;

You are the wife of Russell Adler.

You have been together for years.

You are working with the CIA to help track down Perseus as you and Adler met in the military before marrying.

It's something along the lines of that.

Adler would not mind brainwashing you to love him if you were an enemy.

This way you are no longer a threat and he gets to take care of you.

What a win, right?

Like he wanted, it works.

He plays his act well, too.

When you come off all the drugs, given only your first name, and given a command phrase... Adler is there.

He acts like a concerned husband when you awake and comforts your confusion.

Internally, he's smirking.

He's managed to reprogram you successfully.

It feels nice to have such a beautiful woman all to himself now, despite your past.

For the most part you believe him due to the implanted memories.

You cling to him, you tell him you love him.

You believe every word.

His first kiss with you is not the first to you according to your memories.

Adler indulges every moment with you.

Each kiss holds passion and yearning.

Each hug is tight around you as he buries his face into your neck.

You are his, he's done it!

In every way possible he's made you his.

He loves it when you look at him with adoration... even if it's fabricated.

This whole relationship you two share has been carefully created... it's artificial.

That's fine to Adler.

You'd never know the difference, now you'd always dedicate yourself to him and love him as he's always wanted...

If anyone tries to ruin this for him then Adler doesn't mind a bit more blood on his clothes... that's the job, isn't it?

[ohtobeleah]

AAAHHHHHH LEAH YOU CANT LEAVE US HANGING LIKE THAT WITH TERMS OF ENDEARMENT!

You know I can anything I want right? because I can and I will leave you on yet another cliffhanger. Masterlist is linked here.

WARNINGS: Mentions of graphic domestic violence issues. Heavy and mature theme of domestic violence ahead. Do not read if you aren't comfortable reading about those issues. (Please also keep in mind this is not me glorifying abuse, but highlighting the long-term effects that domestic abuse can have on those directly exposed.)

***~***~***~***~****~***~***~****~****~****~****~

It was meant to be a holiday to the California Coast, something to break the day in day out mundane routine of home. But you felt somewhat naive to believe that while on holidays things would be any different to what they were at home. If anything? Things were much much worse. On holiday on the California Coast was where your final straw was pulled. You had to escape, you had to leave because the signs were all there, written in bright red ink. You were fighting for your life now, for your daughter's life, no more games or tolerance. 

“You can cancel my bank cards, you can push me around, you can beat me black and blue but you will never win because I don't love you anymore!” You shouted as you stood on the opposite side of the king bed that Jaidyn did. Putting something between you so that he couldn't lungs at you. “The only mistake I ever made was staying this long, not speaking up and telling everyone the truth.” You knew threatening him wasn't the best idea, but you wanted him to know that at this moment you weren't afraid of him although deep down you were terrified. “I kept my mouth shut because I thought that's what a good partner did–I didn't want any of this to be true so I stayed silent–I kept quiet!” You chuckled softly to yourself in disbelief that this was your life, that you'd put up with this abuse for so long because you thought that this was love, that this was as good as you were going to get, that this was all you deserved. “I don't think you ever loved me, if you did you wouldn't treat me like a hostage! A slave that you can just take and take and take from!” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Jaiydn hissed as he tried to make his way to you only for you to step back and move around the bed. “Just you wait until I get my fucking hands on you your stupid bitch!” He spat, anger evident in his eyes as he balled his fist and pointed at you. “I’m gonna kill you–” Again, you just chuckled almost maniacally, shaking your head because it was now or never. 

“But not anymore, I am leaving! I am taking my child! I am walking out this goddamn door and I swear if you try to stop me I will scream and I won't stop screaming!” 

It didn't matter how much you screamed in the Air BnB, no one was coming to help you. Jaiydn had called your bluff and completely decimated you. He beat you black and blue until your ribs were broken and your eye socket was shattered. You screamed so loud you eventually lost your voice. That only made it easier for him to have his way with you–against your will because without a voice how do you say no? 

“One more sip for me darlin.’” He cooed as he tipped your chin up and poured the burning liquor down your throat. The bottle nearly empty as you laid bloodied, beaten and bruised between Jaidyns legs. “Good girl.” You swallowed, crying, a gentle sob escaped past your broken lips as you coughed at the sting of a drip running down your chin over lacerations. “See? Isn’t it just so easy to do as your fucking told instead of being a physotic cunt?”

Drunk, Jaidyn pushed you into a heap on the floor as he got up. Kicking you in your stomach one final time for good measure. Smirking at the sound you made. He loved the way you looked so helpless, all because of him. 

“I'm gonna go down the road to the casino with a few buddies of mine who are in the area.” He explained as you laid with your head spinning from the amount of alcohol you'd been forced to drink in such a small amount of time. “Might even bring some of the boys back for some fun too.” He threatened. “Since you wanna act like a fucking whore, ill hire you out like one.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Jaidyn?” 

When Bradley had seen the way you paused in your tracks like you’d walked right into an investable brick wall, he knew something was seriously wrong. Unclipping his seatbelt as quickly as he could before jumping out of the car. His imminent response was to grab your daughter. No question or hesitation about it. 

“Hey slugga–” Bradley cooed as he unclipped Odette from her carseat. She was in hysterics. “Shhh you’re alright bubba, hey, none of that.” Holding her to his chest trying to soothe her worries, Bradley shut the door once he knew Dot was okay and that she was safe in his strong arms. “You’re okay darling girl, I got you.” He’d do anything for her—without question. 

“Mamma–” Dot cried out as Bradley rounded the front of the car, coming to stand beside you but just a little in front. He wanted to be a barrier for whatever had frightened you. It didn't take Bradley long at all to figure out what was going on. He was privy to your ex’s sudden appearance in North Island and despite Jake's constant taunting about Braldleys intellectual capacity–he didn't need a degree in aerospace engineering to put two and two together. The man standing before you, the man who had hit Jake's car at the T-intersection, was Jaiydn Dolan. 

“Sugar Plum oh how i've missed you!” Jaidyn beamed as he stepped forwards and tried to reach out for his daughter who seemed to recoil at his gesture. Curling her little hands into the fabric of Bradleys shirt as she clung to him for dear life. Hiding her face in the space between his shoulder and chest, her tears still falling freely down her traumatised cheeks. 

“Reach for her like that again and you’ll lose both your damn hands.” Bradley hissed as you stepped a little further behind him. He’d never seen you like this before, so closed off and scared. He’d remembered quite well how quiet and in your own shell you were when he’d first met you–but it was nothing like the display he was seeing now. You were beyond that of terrified. “You hit my friend's car, I'm gonna need your insurance and stuff to get the damage covered.” Bradley puffed his chest as your ex eyed him down. “Unless you want me to call the cops and have them come down here?” Jaidyn smirked, it made you feel sick to your stomach when he turned to look at you hiding behind Bradley's left shoulder. 

“So this is who fell for your fucking bullshit huh?” He chuckled wildly as he stepped back, spitting a glob of spit and blood out of his mouth. It looked as if he’d been a victim of his own airbag too. Rooster still had blood dripping from his nose, it stained the hairs on his moustache an orangey iron colour. Yours did the same, only the blood that ran down went strain into your mouth. Both having been victims of the force of those airbags. “She's a trainwreck man, drags whoevers around her down into the dirt.” Jaidyn thought he was being smart, degrading you in such a public way. Bradley wasn't going to stand for it, turning to face you as he passed you Dot. “Bitch took my fucking daughter away from me.” 

“Brad–” You tried to protest but your voice was caught in your throat. Soft and barely audible. Rooster could see it in your eyes–you knew just how bad of a situation this was, probably more so than Bradley could understand himself. But like Pete had told him, he had to protect his family. 

“Take Dot.” Passing you your daughter, Bradley kissed the top of your forehead. Suddenly nothing else mattered more than keeping her safe, it was the very reason you had run in the first place. “Walk to the park across the street, call Jake–tell him what happened.” Rooster was a rather happy go lucky kinda guy. He’d always found a way to make you laugh, make you smile. But right now? His voice, the tone he projected—had never sounded so serious. 

“I don't wanna rui–” 

“You could never ruin Christmas.” Bradley knew what you were going to say before you even finished your sentence. “Go, call Jake, get her out of here–once you’ve called Jake I want you to call Penny and tell her we need a ride, can you do that for me?” Bradley asked as he cupped your face–you were too busy looking over his shoulder. “Hey, Y/n? Look at me.” You snapped out of the haze that had clouded your gaze, looking Bradley in the eye as he got down to your eye level. “I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.” 

When Jaiydn had left, you used the phone in the Air Bnb to call a taxi, specifically requesting a female driver. You knew it was a long shot but you thought you could appeal to her natural instincts. 

“Come on baby, Mums okay–” You cried as you stumbled out the door and sat on the curb waiting for the taxi. “I've got you baby.” Dot had been screaming the entire time Jaidyn was laying into you. She was so scared, the little girl locked in a room all by herself for at least two solid hours. “I'm so sorry, but we’re going baby, we’re okay.” You weren't sure who you were trying to convince at this stage, you or your daughter. But as the taxi pulled up you knew you only had once change. 

“Ma'am are you alright?” The taxi driver asked as she rolled down the passenger side window as you stood. 

“I don't have any money.” You needed her to understand that first and foremost. “But I need to get to forty nine Wallows Street, North island.” Jake's address, he’d given it to you a few weeks ago before Jaidyn took your phone. “If you don't take me? He’s gonna kill us both.” You tried to remain strong, keep your shoulders squared and your chin held high. But you'd never felt more broken. “My partner is gone but he��s coming back and if I'm here when he gets home he's going to kill us.” 

“Did he do this to you?” She asked, you could tell by her eyes she was thinking about the pros and cons of getting involved in a situation like this. So you nodded, confirming her question as you held your daughter on your hip. The taxi driver whose name you later learn was Mary, could smell the alcohol on you as you stood outside the taxi. “Well alright then, get in.” 

“Thankyou–” You sobbed, opening the back door and sliding in. “Thank You so much.” Reaching out for her shoulder, Mary cupped your hand in response. 

“I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.” She smiled at you through the rear view mirror. “North Island it is.” 

“Y/n?” Bradley rubbed the pads of his thumbs against your cheek, bringing you back to reality. “You hear me? I’ve got you.” It was the most sincere thing you ever heard. “I’m not gonna let anybody hurt you ever again, I’ve got you.” Bradley Bradshaw was a born protector, he was brought up to believe that to protect those you love was the most important thing you could ever do. In what form that protection came didn’t really matter, but right now in the moment he stood between you and your ex he knew that he’d lay his life down for you. No question, no hesitation. 

“Okay—“ You mumbled, nodding at Bradley’s reassurance that he had your back. “I’ll ring Jake, then call Penny.” You didn’t want to hang around for too much longer, lingering in the presence of the man who tried to kill you made you feel sick. “I’ll be in the park.” 

“I’ll be right behind you.” Bradley’s eyes never left your back as he watched you hurry off with Dot, looking over your shoulder periodically as people who stood on the corners of the sidewalks watched on at the aftermath of the moderate Christmas Day car accident. Knowing nothing deeper than what it was on the surface. 

“Till we meet again sweetheart, I'm so glad I finally found you!” Jaidyn barked with a sinister smile. Waving you off as Bradley turned his attention back to your ex. “You know we’re engaged right?” Jaidyn taunted Bradley as he stood there thinking of all the things he wanted to do to him. If he could, without consequence, Rooster would put Jaiydn into the dirt. But he couldn’t. “Got her the prettiest ring and everything—so ungrateful—“ 

Choosing to ignore the revelation that you had been engaged, knowing it was most likely against your will, Bradley balled the fabric of Jaidyns t-shirt into his first and pulled him close. 

“Listen to me because I'm only gonna say this once.” Gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw until the vein in his neck popped, Rooster saw red. He saw the man who had hurt you, who you trusted to take care of you, who betrayed every level of trust there was to break.“You even so much as think about looking at her the wrong way ill fucking kill you–do you hear me?” 

“I don't even know who you are, man! lay off–” Jaidyn shoved at Rooster's chest as he stepped back. “She’s got you all convinced she’s some damsel in distress hasn't she?” With one swing, Rooster's fist was connecting with Jaidyns jaw, a crack as loud as thunder could be heard from those who watched on. As Jaidyns stumbled and doubled over, Rooster shook his hand, surely to bruise up nicely in the next few hours or so. But he didn't mind all that much, it would be a small sacrifice to pay to keep you and your daughter safe. Bradley wanted it known that he wasn't messing around, that he was serious and he would do anything to protect you and Odette. 

“Come near those girls–” Rooster hissed, towering over Jaidyn as he held his jaw and groaned out a pained sigh. "And I'll make sure you end up breathing through a tube.” Bradley had never felt such disrespect for someone else, but where he came from and with the men in his life who raised him right, there were only two words he’d used to describe a man who hits women. A little bitch. “And I'm not bluffing either, man.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Jake Seresin sat at his family's dining table amongst his extended family tapping his leg relentlessly under the table. His knee bounced in with anxiety as he tapped his phone screen to see if he’d missed any calls or text since having spoken to Bradshaw earlier that same morning. 

“How's everything going in your neck of the woods Jakey?” His cousin asked as she nursed her son. “You still out at North–” Before Jake's cousin could even finish her question, Jake was jumping up from his seat at the sight of your name lighting up his caller ID. 

“Hey Fe, Merry Chris–” 

“I lied.” Jake's heart instantly broke at the sound of your sobs. “I lied, we aren’t okay.” Your sobs quickly turned into a small pathetic laugh before turning right back into sobs as you sat on the bench in the park. Dot at your feet entertaining herself with a few rocks. A little girl with such creative imagination everything and anything could be a toy. She’d calmed down when she noticed you were walking over to the park. “Jaidyn–” You didn't need to finish your sentence or explain anything more before Jake was making his way upstairs to pack his stuff. 

“I'm coming home.” 

“He hit your car–” Jake frowned as he held his phone between his ear and shoulder. Packing his stuff into his suitcase haphazardly as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. “We were driving back from Penny and Mavs and he just came out of nowhere.” 

“Hang on.” Jake had to stop what he was doing for a moment as his mother stepped into his childhood room. “He hit my car as in, he purposefully caused an accident?” Jake was fuming, his face had turned a nice shade of red and he was sure his core temperature had risen a few degrees. “Are you okay?” Jake started on all the necessary questions he needed an answer too immediately before his heart exploded out of his goddamn chest. “Is Dot alright? Bradshaw?” 

“Yeah Jake.” You sighed. “We’re all alright, just a little shaken and I dunno if he did it on purpose or if it was just some fucked up coincidence but the cars fucked Jake im so sorry.” Again, Your sobs broke Jake's heart. “I'm in the park with Dot, Bradley told me to call Penny for a lift because we can’t drive the car back to yours.” 

“Where's Rooster?” Jake asked nearly panicked. He knew what Rooster could be capable of if given the chance and the right motive. “Is he not with you?” 

“He's still with the car, said something about needing to get insurance.” 

“Bull fuck he wants insurance.” Jake mumbled to himself as he threw the last few articles of clothing into his suitcase. “Listen, stay where you are, but when Roosters finished with his dick measuring contest, don't you dare leave his side, you got it?” Jake couldn't see you but he knew you nodded in response. “I’ll be on the first flight back–” 

“What?” You heard Jake's mother in the background, but for once in your life you wanted to be selfish, you needed Jake to come back. Come home. You weren't going to tell him to stay in Texas when you needed him here with you and Dot and Bradley in North Island. “What do you mean you’re going back, what's going on?” 

“I got a family emergency.” Jake explained and your heart melted for a moment amongst the chaos. “I gotta go home ma, end of story.” 

“All your family is here Jake, what do you mean a family emergency!?” You really didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you could hear everything loud and clear over the phone. 

“Not everyone ma, I've got family in North Island too and something just happened, I gotta go home, end of story alright.” 

“Jake?” You whispered as you watched Dot entertain herself. “I really am sorry, for everything–” 

“Nothing to be sorry about, I'll see you when I get home.” There was nothing else to discuss, it was an open and shut conversation. Jake hung up before his mother could figure out who was on the other end of the line. Watching like a hawk as Jake zipped up his suitcase. “I really do have to go, I'm sorry–I'll just have to make it up to you another time?” 

“It's Christmas Day Jacob.” Jake's mother couldn't have been more disappointed even if she had tried to hide it. Not like she was through. “What am I supposed to tell your father?” 

“Exactly what I told you” you and Odette were Jake's family. He’d already beaten himself up enough for letting you stay with Jaidyn for as long as you did, but he didn't know how bad it had gotten because you were just so bloody good at hiding it. He should have known something was wrong when you’d stopped returning his calls and text a few months before you showed up on his doorstep in the middle of the night. He couldn’t take what he didn’t do sooner back—but he had a chance to do something that mattered now: 

“That I have a family emergency.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“Penny and Mav are on their way.” By the time Rooster had made his way over to you in the park, you were a shaking mess. “Said they wouldn’t be too long.” Coming to sit beside you, Bradley didn’t draw you close. He didn’t wrap his arm around your shoulder or kiss your cheek like he normally would. Instead, he just sat beside you—waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to be touched. “Jake said you were having a dick measuring competition.” Bradley’s lips turned into a small almost unidentifiable smirk as you turned your head to look at him. “He’ll be on the first flight back.” 

“You reckon he did it on purpose?” Bradley asked as your eyes fell to his hands, his knuckles were a nice shade of red. Bloodshot capillaries had started to form some subtle bruising, a light dusting on dried blood had formed a thin layer on top of the cuts. Reaching out to take his hand in yours, you turned your attention back to Dot who was happily collecting different coloured leaves as she waddled around close by. “Kinda seems like it was premeditated.” 

“Oh, oh no he definitely knew it was us in the car, which makes me wonder how long he’s been following me.” It was a terrifying concept to think about. How long had Jaidyn had his eyes on you? How long had he been in North ISland for and more importantly, did he know where you were living? Did he know where you and your beautiful daughter had been staying since you ran. Did he know that the lock on Jake's front door was slightly broken and sometimes doesn't lock properly?  “Bradley, I can't stay here.” 

“I figured you’d think that as much.” Rooster knew this conversation was coming. He knew it was going to have to be one he had with you the minute he saw you standing there looking as if you’d seen a ghost. With his knees on his knees, Rooster watched Odette as she flew off with the fairies, in her own little imaginative world, so blissfully unaware of the imminent danger that loomed for you and her alike. “Let's be rational about this though.” 

“If he’s here? you aren’t safe, Jake isn’t safe, my daughter isn’t safe—“ You were once again putting everyone around you before yourself. “It was so selfish of me to bring you into this.” Wiping away your tears, Bradley brought his arm up around your shoulders as you fell into his chest. Crying. “I never should have let me guard down and I never should have let you get close, because he’s fucking right, I drag everyone down around me.” It broke Braldey heart to see you like this, a woman with such a fire and grace repressed to such a level of self worth it was basically non-existent. “I can't let you get involved with him, he's too dangerous.”

“I think you’re forgetting that I want to be here.” Bradley wasn’t going to argue with you, he knew that would do any good. He knew if he told you to stay that that could come across like he was forcing you to, you were your own person. Beautiful and brilliant in every way. He didn't ever want you to feel trapped with him, that you couldn't make your own choices in life. But he needed you to know truthfully and wholeheartedly that he'd cross oceans and move mountains for you. “So if you’re thinking about running again, just know—I’m coming with you.” 

“What?” You asked as you sat back up, rubbing your running nose on the back of your sleeve. Dried blood that had remained in your nose seeping out as you cried. It wasn't all that attractive, but nevertheless Bradley reached out to wipe it all away with the cuff of his jumper.  “Why would you do that? Your whole life is here?” 

“My whole life is sitting right next to me.” Bradley cooed. “So if you wanna go, we’ll go, but hear me out alright?” You simply nodded in response. “If you keep running every time he catches up? Are you ever gonna be able to move on?” 

“He’ll kill me if I stay.” It was a fact as immutable as gravity. “You and Jake playing heroes and getting the rulers out and saying I'll be safe when I won’t be won't change anything because he's psychotic!” It was one of the biggest contributing factors as to why you hadnt reported Jaidyn to the police when you had so many chances to. 

“What would change if you left now and he just found you in the next town?” Bradley asked as calmly as ever, knowing it was a fact that wouldn’t change if you ran. “If you run he’ll just find you again and you’ll forever be stuck in the cycle.” 

“It's just a high price I'm willing to pay to go free.” You replied, sitting with Bradley in the middle of the park. “Listen Bradshaw.” You smiled, reaching out the cup Bradleys cheek, a light scruff against his cheek tickled your palm. “I really like you, like a lot.” You wanted to say you loved him, truly. But it just wasn't the right time. “You're probably the only man who's ever gonna look at me the way you do and I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me and Dot.” 

“I sense a but is coming.” Rooster chuckled as he leaned into your touch. Admiring you like a love sick puppy. Not trying to hide his admiration for you in the slightest bit. 

“But you’re too good to lower your standards for me.” It left like someone had pulled directly on the strings of his heart. A sharp pain resonating deep in his chest when you said that you thought you weren't good enough for him. 

“Too bad–” Bradley shrugged as he pulled you closer, letting your head fall against his shoulder. “Listen to me okay, because I just dont think it's sinking in.” He wasn't going to let you live a life where you thought you were less than others.

“You're gonna get caught in a mess you won't be able to get out of, Rooster, now that He’s here I can't even begin to imagine the havoc he’ll cause.” Bradley knew you were going to put up an honest fight, it was in your inherent nature. You’d been doing that since day one so to expect any less than a solid conversation at the very least wouldn't be his own fault. Mentally cracking his knuckles and neck, Bradly settled in for a fight, ready to plead his case. 

“Why don't we stop talking about your ex for five minutes and talk about you?” It sounded firmer than he probably meant it to come across, but nevertheless you sat up a little straighter and frowned your brows. 

“Okay.” Hesitancy laced your tone and Braldye immediately softened next to you. He knew this whole situation was hard to be in and would be even harder to navigate. But lucky for you he was pretty good at working a GPS. 

“Your Ex can get–” Before Rooster could get into his novel of a statement as to why he thought you should stay, Dot was leaning against your legs with a pouty bottom lip. 

“Mamma, I wanna go home.” She cooed with tired eyes as her little fist came up to rub at them. It melted your heart as you picked you up. Cuddling her, fixing her hair. Kissing her cheek. She was everything to you. 

“I know baby I know, me too–but we’re just waiting for Penny and Pete.” 

“O’Tay.” Dot replied softly as her gaze turned up at Bradley. “Can I sit on your lap Toosters?” She asked politely. It still amazed you how quickly she’d grown attached to Brdley Bradshaw. It frightened you a little because what if this just didn't work out? Again your daughter would go without a father figure in her life. Not that you were insinuating Bradley was, but he was surely doing a hell of a lot more than her biological father ever did. 

“Sure Baby, here.” Bradley reached out and took Dot from your lap, gently placing her on his as he bounced his knee to rock her gently. She was exhausted. A little girl in a big scary world. Once Dot had settled in Roosters lap, his arms encapsulating her, he turned all his attention back onto you. “Now as I was saying, enough about that pissant.” He started. “I wanna life with you Y/n I don't think I could be any more clear about that.” 

“You're stupid if you think a life with me is worth fighting for.” You chuckled at the sentiment although it made you blush. It made you feel all fuzzy inside. Even while you were staring down the fact that your very dangerous, very unpredictable ex was now in town, Bradley Bradshaw still found a way to make you smile. 

“Okay, you can definitely hold back a little on the degradation there.” He laughed as Dot cuddled into his chest a little more, sucking her thumb as her eyelids fluttered. Listening to the lub dub rhythm of her Toosters heart. “You and your daughter have been nothing but a blessing since you moved here, and it's not my fault you made me fall in love with you, so technically you're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're stuck with me because I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“But what about–” You tried to argue, you just weren't used to being loved. Being wanted, being needed. Bradley couldn't blame you, he hated to compare you to a dog but it was like he'd rescued an abused dog from the shelter. At first they'd be a little standoffish, but soon enough they'd realise they're loved and in a safe place. A home. It was the same premise with you, he just needed to work you over, brick by brick. 

“Fuck your ex Y/n, fuck him!” Bradley scoffed. “He doesn't get to dictate your happiness or what you do with your life or who you choose to love or don’t love or where you live.” You sat silent next to Rooster as he rocked your daughter to sleep. You caught yourself for a moment falling into a daydream where you and Rooster could just play house, be happy and in love without all the drama and fuss. “He doesn't have a claim to you anymore and if he tries to mess with you? If he tries to come near you or Odette or so much as breathes in your direction, there's not a single thing I wouldn't do to protect you both.” It was a massive sentiment. You’d never ask Rooster to fight your battles for you, but knowing he would willingly meant a whole lot to you. More than he’d probably ever know. 

“I think Penny and Pete are here.” You sighed softly as you saw the silver sedan pull up to the curbside. 

“Don't change the subject Y/L/N.” Bradley smirked as he eyed you off, never taking his eyes off you for a moment. “So, if you wanna go, we’ll go and we’ll pack whatever you need and we’ll leave tonight.” Standing up, Rooster readjusted Odette to his hip before holding out his hand for you to take. Helping you stand from the bench you'd been occupying. “But–if you wanna stay? You’ll be surrounded by people who love you and who care about you and who just want you and this beautiful daughter of yours to feel safe and loved.” You weren't necessarily ignoring what Rooster was saying as you walked side by side slowly through the park, but you weren't directly answering his questions either. 

“Jakes just gonna tell me i'd be crazy to leave isn't he?” You shook your head as you let out a frustrated groan. “Fuck this is such a mess–” 

“Oh yeah big time.” Rooster agreed with a nod, pressing his lips together in a firm line as he slung his arm around your shoulder. “He’ll probably handcuff you to the dresser too if you say you wanna leave, but I think we’ll have a solid few hours to remove all the handles from all the draws he could possibly cuff you to before he gets back.” Laughing together as you approached Penny's car, you thought for a second what Rooster would think of Jake if he knew how you and Jaidyn originally got together. You knew Jake hated himself for it, still to this day he’d mention from time to time just how sorry he really is. He blamed himself for everything you'd ever been through. 

“I can only imagine the foul as fuck mood hes gonna be in when he gets home.” 

“That sounds like we’ll be here when he does get home?” Bradley raised a single brow as he walked with you over to Penny's car. Holding a sleepy Dot on his hip. “And well, honestly he has a right to be pissed– I mean, no man should get away with what he's done to you Y/n.” 

“Yeah, but it's not just that.” You sighed as you stopped in your tracks, wondering if you should even tell Bradley what you were about to tell him. 

“Then what?” He asked curiously with a puzzled expression plastered across his face. You pressed your lips together knowing it wasn't all that deep but still gave Bradley another puzzle piece to play with. Letting him in a little more each and every day. Letting him decided for himself if he should stay or if he should hightail it the fuck out of dodge. 

“Jakes the one who set me up with Jaidyn in the first place.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~******~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Tags: @a-serene-place-to-be @lilyevanswhore @thescarletknight2014 @blindedbythelightt t @averyhotchner @emma8895eb @blairfox04 @caitsymichelle13 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @teacupsandtopgun @aemondssiut @feltonswifesworld87 @akalei349 @notjustsomeblonde @americaarse

[thementalshawty]

My New Beginning (My way out)

(Mentions of disabilities, mental, emotional, physical abuse, S*x abuse, bullying, self harm, suicidal ideation, Domestic violence, be wary before reading).

So where to begin……. This is about familial abuse, so this has been something happening my whole life!!! My “mother” is a narcissist. She bullied me and my sister our whole lives, I am the third of 5 kids, she would pit us against each other and watch us fight to laugh and make fun, most of my insecurities stem from her clowning me in front of my brothers, funny enough she is NEVER ALONE, my father he abused us including her but he left and I thought we were better off for it, I wasn’t wrong but little did I know the monsters she’d allow into our lives after, I was getting molested by older brother and my mothers boyfriend before I even got to elementary school, my brother started when I was insanely young, and I still protected him as I didn’t know what tf was happening, her boyfriend started when I was in 4th grade, he wasn’t a drunk or anything just a pedophile, she knew he was because he got caught cheating on her with teenage girls and yet she still kept him around for a decade so wherever we moved he was there and I started to become angry, rage grew inside my soul like a fire that had no intention of burning out, on top of that he was abusive hitting and bruising me and my siblings who all have disabilities, you know my sister as she’s a tarot reader on here so I’m not going into specifics about them, but she would sit and watch and do nothing, she would hide food with him, have us stand in the corner for hours on end while they are food in front of our faces “mmmm that’s good”. She even forced to drink her breast milk in front of him, she despised us having friends, soo when I would have a friend she wouldn’t let me see them or go out or we would move, I’ve never stayed more than 2-3 years in any place my whole entire fuccin life! I don’t know anything but toxicity when it came to relationships, I tried to kill myself multiple times but they failed so I decided to be a burner, I just burned myself, the fire it was the rage inside me felt outside, I decided to tell my mother about the molester from her boyfriend when I was 15, because I told someone in school he told me I had to tell her or he would so I wrote her a letter, he had a gun in the house and put it to his head and said he was going to kill himself (gaslighting), she kicked him out for a day, brought him back then told me that I had to share her with him, so at 15 and with her knowledge of him molesting me, we all moved to California, we drove there, and that was awful, we all fought and he screams how he didn’t care about what he did to me and he was laughing in front of her, i ended up just sweeping that under the rug because i went to focus on my career I had acting classes so my mind was focused but I met a guy from school and he automatically hated him (the boyfriend) he told my mother and automatically I was told to stay away from him, I didn’t I had got arrested the year before so I had community service and he was helping me with that, I told him what happened I thought we were meant to be but he cheated on me with his sister and I found myself in her another Jerry springer bind but I found that out months after we broke up, but he stood up for me and he was the only one on the outside that actually came and defended my honor as sick as he is I will give him credit for that. A year later we’re moving bacc to NYC, before we did though, they got Into a fight (my mother and the boyfriend), pretending to break up, he went to the gas station filled a gas canister wit gas came back to the front door and poured gasoline on himself, obviously not lighting himself on fire because it was an act, he went to jail a week or two later she invited him back into her life, I already knew that it was going to happen because the shit was predictable at that point, Skipping ahead to 17, we moved back to NYC, we came separately, I came on a plane with my mother and the rest of my siblings drove back with him, because obviously she trusted him with children why wouldn’t she? She already knew what he was capable of, she didn’t care 🤷🏽‍♀️, when we got back to NyC she

Promises me that he’s not coming back into our lives that it’s over this time, I told her he’s going to gaslight her she says not gonna work, fast forward to when they all made it to the apartment, she approached me with the sob story I said he would come in with so she said she is letting him stay, I was going to just walk away, but my sister told me that she fought with him on the drive here, she stood up for me, he yelled at my older brothers and her that he did What he did to me cos he truly wanted to and he’s unapologetic for it, the flame it was uncontrollable and I blacked out I went into the room and I kicked him out myself. He yelled bullshit but he left, she hated me for that, so she started to sneak him in secretly then they started hiding food again, leaving us to literally shake, starve and feel sick, we learned how to improvise with what little we had. I was going to school so I didn’t care, speaking of school I was supposed to be on my last year of school, and I couldn’t graduate because my principal explained because I moved so much my credits were all over the place, so she told me I had to repeat a year that was devasting to me because in California I only had a few credits before I could graduate, I got two jobs because I just wanted to save up money to leave, she told my grandma lies oh she has a whole bunch of recruits that she tells constant lies too about us and what we do never the truth because they already feel she’s sick but they do nothing about it, family tho right? My grandma called me and so again we told her the truth and she helped us kick him out for good, (so that’s the end of boyfriend 1…. For now) I was finally 18!! So again I have no friendships nothing ever stuck, but I had two jobs and I was saving up for an apartment, I shouldn’t have done this but I was so proud of myself! I told her (my mother) that I was going to move out, get my own apartment and live on my own, she didn’t like that, she was saying that it was disloyal and what was she going to do without me and she needed help because most of my siblings have a disability, so I stayed, I couldn’t be disloyal when she needed me, that was a big mistake. A year later we are moving BACC to California because she has found A NEW BOYFRIEND, some guy she met over the phone, guess who helped her move back to California though (boyfriend #1), my brother who molested me left to go into the army, don’t worry he’s not in it any longer dishonorable discharge (it was fitting). So anyways the new boyfriend was some white guy who I felt meant no harm the fuccin dude was quiet and softspoken so I paid it no mind, but I was wrong, he was a drunk, not only was a he a drunk, he was a RACIST DRUNK! Did she care???? NOOOOOOO! Everytime I tried to leave she stopped me, til we fought then she would say to leave knowing I had nowhere to go, if I had a friend to go too she would hate that friend, funny thing is most friends that want to take me away from this be friends she introduced me too, she wanted to be friends with them but they wanted to be my friend yes they are younger people, I don’t have those friends anymore because they were very similar to her go figure right ? I thought I should call the cops, call for help, but everyone I reached out too did nothing INCLUDING COPS! So I felt backed into a corner, well I had my sister my little sister my rock, funny fun fact though, her new boyfriend ALSO LIKES LITTLE GIRLS oh and BOYS! He got arrested and she stood up for him, while he was doing that in her home, she would run away and leave us all my siblings in the house with him drunk calling us the N word, kicking doors down and causing mess, I couldn’t leave my siblings who couldn’t understand what was happening behind all I knew is that they were scared and their mother wasn’t there all she did was make excuses for him she told me I should kill myself, that I was a cunt that didn’t deserve her name, ( I don’t have it, I have my dads last name), that I was going to be nothing more than a whore, by this time………………

She knows about what my brother did to me I didn’t mention that confession because she just skipped right over it. She literally didn’t care and she told me to my face she believed he was only playing with me and I am confusing it all and that I know nothing about it because it happened to her and she the only one who knows pain and my pain doesn’t matter she tried to assault me and again tried to tell family but she already took the narrative so they weren’t trying to hear me out or help, in august of this year, me and my sister left, we went to stay in a motel for a week or two, with the help of my booking agent we didn’t have enough money to stay and the homeless shelters were all full and we’re not answering back, so we had no choice but to go back, we are back and nothing even a week later back to the drunk racist, not eating, starving routine, I wanted to die and I felt like a failure! I couldn’t even get out of bed I felt like I deserved this I got my sister out to end up right back 2 WEEKS LATER?!?!! I fuccin hated myself! He was drunk and again causing ruckus, she came back a morning later and was telling him to leave, he was going to hit her, my brother (diagnosed with MR) was out there with my younger brother (autism) and they were scared and standing up for her and the boyfriend was in their faces what was I supposed to do???? Me and my sister tried to help and she tried to tell us to leave for helping her!!!!! Me and my sister decided to just call the police, they started to fight, and he tried to kill her, the police got him out, and they told her that she was lucky to have her kids here, we cleaned up her room after he broke her whole house apart, I mean EVERYTHING IS TORN APART RN!!!! she decided that she was going to move down to Texas with the molesting brother because he has kids, (oh yeah other fun fact she kept forcing me to have kids she even wanted me to give her my eggs so she can have kids with both of those boyfriends she approached me TWICE ABOUT IT, one she wanted my eggs and the other she wanted me to be pregnant for her!) So now my brother has kids she was like saying she knows I’ll never have kids and I’ll be forever alone, that no one will ever love me, anyways skipping to now my birthday came and left I’m 27 now! The housing program that me and my sister signed up for began to pend and we found a place! We didn’t tell her we found a place and that we were in a program we didn’t even tell her that we went down the city. We ended up getting a random woman come into the house and serve us she was evicting us (my mother) even on the eviction notice it says no fault just cause, she didn’t even tell me, so we have 60 days to leave and vacate her premises! Funny enough yesterday my sister got her APPROVAL NOTICE!!! Mine is still pending but I know that I’m getting approved and if all goes well we will be in our transitional home on SATURDAY! We finally did it, dug our way out, I didn’t think that I could and that I would, I would’ve been opened up to someone if I didn’t believe that it was against the family or that no one would love me like she did, she painted the world as such a unloving place and that this toxicity was normal and for the longest I believed it, but I am waking up now! And I am looking forward to beginning my life AWAY FROM HER! Just me and my rock @silvershiningtarot I AM NOT ASHAMED OF MY STORY, I’m only ashamed I kept quiet for so long, I allowed them to get away with everything and they took control of the narrative but I’m taking my power back! This is the first chapter of my success story! I’m not looking for claps or sympathy or for yky to actually care or anything I just wanted to put my story out there because this shit shouldn’t be in the dark anymore, mothers can be demons, family can be a dark and scary word for people and they’re not family, only relation! And I wanted to make that clear! RELATION DOESN’T MEAN FAMILY

I feel more familial love from you guys on here than I ever did anywhere! My music gave me hope and tarot gave me community

You deserve to know your reader through and through!

Thank you!!! For listening and taking the time for hearing this sad ass story, I hope I didn’t drag your day down! 💋

[witch-and-her-witcher]

tell them i'm the worst

azris | explicit | mod AU, dubcon, unethical therapist/client (dead dove: do not eat)

thanks @ofduskanddreams for the beta!

please check full tag list on ao3 before reading.

--

“You know I can’t count the hour if you don’t speak, Azriel.”

What the fuck was he doing here?

Eris adjusted the glasses on the bridge of his nose, and bounced the foot that was crossed over his knee, before readjusting himself so he wasn’t so outwardly pissed off. 

A fucking doctorates from Harvard, and he was sitting across from this sociopathic piece of shit. He was supposed to be using it to help survivors of domestic violence, to give back to those victims that felt like a piece of home. Not taking on court-mandated, well-connected pricks because the rest of the staff was too intimidated.

Azriel had tall, dark, fucked up and handsome down to an art form. Tousled black curls, shifty predator eyes that never settled and could gobble a person up if they rested on them for too long, tattoos up to his finely chiseled jawline. Muscles that swelled taut under his black on black uniform.

Eris absently considered how much he could bench, let the thought drift away with the prideful assertion Eris could definitely lift more.

“You can, you just won’t.”

“True.”

Azriel had those murderous hazel eyes pinned to him now, jaw ticking. 

“I’m happy to continue to bill Night Corp until you properly meet your requirements,” Eris added with a shrug, because fuck this guy.

He’d gotten out of a homicide charge by citing mental illness.

Azriel was unwell, alright. From what Eris had eeked out of him already, the guy had a past that could make most seasoned therapists weep—if any of it was true. Eris had to treat it as so, had to treat this cold-blooded killer as a person worth helping even though the entire city knew he wasn’t behind bars because of his connections.

And now he had the fucking nerve to take up Eris’s time. To try and intimidate him.

His mistake was that he didn’t know Eris. Azriel saw some white guy from old money—which, was true, but not the whole picture. The Vanserra name hadn’t been known in these parts in a while. A blessing for his philanthropic purposes—a fucking shame when he needed to flex on emotionally stunted man children with zero impulse control. Eris nearly burned with the desire to bring back his family’s brand of cruelty, if only to teach this—

Azriel stood up. Lithe, graceful, soundless.

His clothes didn’t even rustle.

He stalked across the space that separated them. Scarred fists balled at his sides. Eyes trained on Eris’s neck, probably the spot he wanted to wrap his fingers and squeeze the life out of him.

Eris considered pressing the button under the end table.

But fuck this guy.

“What are you doing?”

Azriel towered over him in this position. He didn’t speak, only licked his lips.

Eris tried not to think about how this position put this stupidly handsome psychopath's cock right at his nose. That was definitely the point. A power move. It was a good try—repressed homosexual urges, inciting insecurities and socio-normative male pride.

“What. Are. You. Doing.”

Something flickered in that icy cold gaze at his tone. 

Eris drew himself up to full height without so much as shifting his ass in his seat. You don’t know me. Fuck around and find out you’re not the only one in this room who knows precisely how long it takes to squeeze the life out of someone.

“Pull your head out of your ass and have some consideration for the extra paperwork I’d have to do for this incident,” Eris drawled, ignoring the responding twitch in his cock as woodsmoke and cedar filled his senses, as Azriel’s eyes drew down his body with a different intent now.

“You have a pretty mouth.”

When Azriel finally spoke, it came out as a rasp. 

“What?”

“You heard me.” Azriel’s head cocked like a wolf circling prey. “Do you know how to use it?”

He wanted to play, but Eris wasn’t in the mood.

“Sit back down,” he ordered.

Yet. He wasn't in the mood to play yet. The stiff control he kept on that old Eris Vanserra was struggling against those strict confines.

Eris felt his control falling onto a knife's edge.

The tension tying their heartbeats together felt like a leaden weight. But whatever Azriel saw when he stared into Eris’s eyes convinced him to step back. Break the trance. 

Azriel sat.

“What was that supposed to accomplish, Azriel?” Eris asked, voice perfectly level as if something dangerously charged like a taser hadn’t been shoved into his nervous system.

“Thought if I fucked your pretty mouth, you’d finally shut up.”

“You were going to force me to provide oral sex?”

“No. I was going to make you beg to take my cock in your mouth.”

Eris’s cock jumped like the traitorous bastard it was. The promise laced in those words …. 

“That’s inappropriate, Azriel. And very poor impulse control, we’ve discussed the need to develop strategies when these intrusive thoughts occur. Do you want to discuss what triggered these inappropriate, impulsive thoughts?"

Azriel watched his mouth move, a sneer formed on his lips. 

It made Eris’s blood boil. 

The fucking gall. He could have Azriel back in handcuffs. Maybe he couldn’t outmaneuver or outpower Night Corp to keep him locked up, but he had enough from this interaction to make his life difficult as hell and he had the fucking gall to look like that when Eris spoke?

“What are you thinking right now, Azriel?”

“I’m thinking you like to listen to yourself talk so you can feel like the smartest prick in the room.” Azriel noticeably shifted the front of his pants. Eris didn’t miss the significant bulge. “I’m thinking you surround yourself with fucked up people so you can feel less fucked up.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Don’t I, Vanserra?” Azriel’s voice was so low it practically rumbled from his chest.

Eris narrowed his gaze to the jump of Azriel’s pulse in his throat, jumping under whirls of black ink. He should end this session. He was worked up, wasn’t thinking straight ….

But the fire in his blood he’d inherited from his piss-poor father rushed like a wildfire, begging him to stay in this moment. Escalate it. Put this handsome, stupid motherfucker in his place for assuming he knew anything about Eris Vanserra.

He thought he could just come over and fuck his mouth? That Eris would beg for it? That he knew him?

Eris set his notepad down on the side table. Anticipation shone on Azriel’s face. Eris pushed his sleeves up his forearms. Slowly, deliberately. Drew the movements out while he could practically hear the gears whirring in Azriel’s mind to figure out where this was going. He adjusted his watch last. Then he positioned his forearms on his knees and leaned forward.

“Lay back on the couch, Azriel.”

“What— ”

“Lay. Back.” Eris’s gut clenched with anticipation. Nothing existed outside of this room. Wherever this interaction led, even if it meant getting into a physical altercation, Eris was seeing it through.

Undisciplined brutes could only fuck or kill their way so far in society. Azriel was just clever enough to slip through legal repercussions. But he’d landed in Eris’s lap and now it was his civic duty to make up for the Night Corp’s sloppy work.

To make sure Azriel understood his fucking place.

Azriel followed his instructions, staring intently.

“Comfortable?”

“No.”

“What do you need? A pillow?” A cruel smile twisted Eris’s lips. “Or are you too tense to relax, Azriel? Did you work yourself up with unrealistic expectations of who is in control in this room, and now your limited blood supply is all hanging between your legs instead of in that mind that so desperately needs it?”

“Fuck off.”

He didn’t get up. He kept glaring at Eris, but he didn’t get up. Didn’t storm out of the room.

“Unzip your pants.”

“You can’t -”

“Looking to follow rules now, choir boy?” Eris sneered. “Unzip your fucking pants.”

Like a beautiful, pliant piece of clay, Azriel responded to his cruelty. The command in his voice that Eris kept so carefully trained away with his clients.

But fuck this guy. He was going to introduce him to Eris fucking Vanserra.

Azriel unzipped his pants and insolently left his button done, eyes lighting with challenge as he waited for Eris’s next command.

“Take out your prick. I hope for your sake it’s not as fucking embarrassing as you are.”

“Don’t worry.” Azriel worked himself out of his pants, forgetting his useless challenge of Eris’s authority in favor of pride in displaying his manhood. 

And it was something to put on display.

The proud length of his erection, the veins along the backside and the swollen purple head looked good enough that, at another place or time, Eris maybe would have begged to get it in his mouth. Work his throat open trying to get it all inside of him. 

Azriel smirked, smugly wrapping his fingers around the base and giving himself a few lazy pumps.

“Don’t get too excited, Vanserra.”

Eris’s nostrils flared. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Shut up. Spit in your hand and get to work. I’m not continuing this session with an unruly neanderthal who can’t think straight because he can’t control when his cock gets hard.”

Azriel kept their eyes locked as he spit in his hand. A shiver ran unbidden down Eris’s spine. He wanted to spit on his cock—

And then Azriel’s smile broadened.

Fuck. This. Guy.

“This help you get off at night?”

“I told you to shut up.”

Azriel chuckled. “Alright, pervert.”

Eris mentally reminded himself the door required his scan badge to enter, they still had time in their session, no one would discover them ….

Azriel was teasingly dragging his rough hand up and down his cock, thumbing the edge of the head and smearing his precome and spit around like some fucking artist. 

“Fuck your hand, Azriel. Think about all those fantasies you store in that fucked up mind. Show me how you were going to fuck my mouth.”

Azriel’s eyes fluttered closed, his thick lashes resting against his cheekbones. Gorgeous. A fucking picture, stroking himself with purpose now, pulling his balls out with his other hand to tug at. His hips bucked up to match his pace.

Eris would not touch himself. Would not give in to the fire that had pooled low in his gut, coiled into hot arousal stiff enough to bite into his zipper. He gritted his teeth.

“What do you think I am? Some kind of kitten? Show. Me. Azriel.” Eris growled, getting to his feet. “How were you going to fuck my mouth?”

Azriel’s lips parted, brow pinched together as he focused on his efforts. His bicep strained against his shirt sleeve as he pumped himself. Eris couldn’t resist. He bent over him and spit onto the head of his fat cock as it squeezed out of the vise-like grip Azriel had on it, strangling it like another fucking hit— 

“Fuck,” Azriel hissed as the saliva hit his skin.

His wrist stopped twisting at the top, stopped wasting time on pornographic bullshit. His neck arched along with his back as his palm’s speed increased around his cock.

Here he was, jerking himself off when just a few minutes ago he thought he could make Eris beg to be fucked. Thought he knew Eris. Thought he could control this dumb-fucking court-mandated therapy session that took away from Eris’s purpose, his meaningful work. A brute who tortured and killed for a career, who intimidated and used his good looks to get by in life.

He moved on those same impulses he recognized in Azriel. The base instincts that controlled lesser men—not Eris, not unless he allowed it. He was allowing it now. He was in control. Eris curled his fingers around Azriel’s throat. Let his thumb and forefinger find pulse points.

Azriel’s gasp turned into a harsh groan as Eris increased the pressure.

“Don’t fucking stop, you animal. You’re going to come. Right now.”

Azriel’s hand stuttered and his hips jerked uncontrollably. His free hand had rucked up his shirt so Eris could look down and see his tight abs clench with the power of his orgasm when it hit. Eris moved back so the hot spurts of come wouldn’t get on him, would only land on Azriel’s exposed stomach. Stripes of it landed on his black shirt. 

Eris waited until Azriel’s mouth was slack, panting for air, before he took two fingers through the mess on his stomach. Got his fingers drippy and messy before sticking them right into Azriel’s mouth.

He pulled them back quickly after swiping them over Azriel’s tongue before he could bite down. Azriel’s teeth clamped shut not a moment later.

“What. The. Fuck.” Azriel wanted to sound menacing, but his pupils were blown wide and his cock was still twitching with the last of his orgasm.

“Feel better?”

Eris settled back into his chair, readjusting his pulsing erection to lay to the side of his zipper as best he could. Azriel only glared harder. Eris motioned to the box of tissues on the coffee table between them.

“Please. They’re there to be used.”

Azriel cleaned himself up and tucked himself back into his pants. Eris picked his notepad back up.

“I’m going to note that you shared a deeply personal trauma and sobbed uncontrollably for your mother the last ten minutes.”

Silence wrung in the room. Silence, and Azriel's ragged breathing.

Eris looked up expectantly.

Azriel scoffed. “Yeah. Alright.”

“Anything else you’d like to share? We have about five minutes left, Azriel.”

“Fuck you.”

“I don’t suggest trying that again.” Eris peered down at the drying come stains along the edge of Azriel’s shirt. He smiles tauntingly. “Or maybe don’t wear black next time so you don’t look like some quick off-the-mark teenager leaving my office. It’s embarrassing.” 

Azriel pushed to his feet, but the predatory tension had bled from his shoulders. His gaze wasn’t any less sharp, but it didn’t pierce into Eris as it took stock of the room. Probably looking for something to take out his frustrations on. What a sad existence, to be so overwhelmed when his emotions ranged outside of violent release.

“Don’t hurt yourself when you shove your fingers in your ass tonight thinking about me.”

He didn’t give Eris any time to respond. Threw open the door and stalked out. 

The door shut swiftly behind him, wafting a final hit of woodsmoke, cedar and the remnants of the briny hints of his release. Fucking prick.  Eris hoped his skin was tacky and would rub raw before he got to whatever pit of hell he lived in. Or someone would finally get the jump on him and end his miserable existence before their next session.

What a waste of fucking space.

He glanced down at his notepad.

Eris scribbled into his notes “breakthrough session.”

[forever-rogue]

Honeysuckle Phonies

AN | Okay, here’s part two finally! Best Boyfriend Eddie is really the best. I love him (and you). Please read the warnings before proceeding. If you or someone else might be experiencing any sort of domestic violence, consider looking here for help or reaching out to someone you can trust.

Warnings | Language (including use of derogatory names), Discussions of domestic violence and healing injury (nothing graphic)

Pairing | Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 3.6k

Masterlist | Main, Eddie

Part 1

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It hadn’t been hard to cross the line from friends to lovers with Eddie. It had happened slowly at first, both of you testing the waters with tentative touches and softly spoken words, before you jumped in headlong. You remembered that fall afternoon clearly; you were with Eddie, hanging out at his trailer, the two of you bundled up in big blankets as you watched some random movie marathon that was on television. 

At one point, he’d caught you staring at him rather than the screen but chose not to comment on it. Another time you found his eyes trained on you, a dopey little smile on his face and his expression soft. It was only a few seconds after that when he’d pulled you into his arms and his lips were on yours. You weren’t sure who technically initiated the kiss, but it didn’t matter.

All that mattered was Eddie. Eddie kissing you.

But that had been then, several months ago, and this was now. And things were slowly starting to change. Where Eddie thought you’d only grow closer, you’d ended up drifting apart bit by tiny bit. He was confused because he hadn’t realized anything had been wrong; he wasn’t sure if it was him or…something else. He really, desperately hoped it was him, rather than the alternative. But he didn’t know because you were barely speaking to him at the moment and always had some sort of excuse for why you were busy. 

But Eddie wasn’t the type to just give up; not with you, not with something this important. So, he decided one morning while his mind was wandering off during math, he was going to speak to you about it and he wasn’t going to stop until he finally knew what was going on. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hey baby,” Eddie found you sitting behind the school’s main building, on the cold ground, shivering as you worked on some homework. You looked up and found him looking at you with soft eyes, already stripping off his sweater to give to you. He kneeled down so he was eye level with you, putting a finger under your chin to pull you to his lips, “what’re you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“Homework,” you shrugged meekly, pointedly ignoring how he was holding his sweater out to you before turning your attention back to your notebook, “‘m fine, Eddie.”

“No,” he plopped down onto his butt so he was sitting directly in front of you, “you’re not fine. I’m tired of pretending that things are fine, that you’re okay when you’re clearly not. I want to fix it, to make it better, but you need to tell me how, sweetheart. Please let me make it better.”

“Eddie,” you swallowed thickly, already feeling the lump well up in your throat, “please. Just go.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on,” he tried to drape his sweater around you but you shook your head and gently pushed his hand away.

“Please,” you looked around to make sure no one was watching; of course no one paid attention to the invisible kids, “I…not right now, not here. Please.”

“Okay,” he nodded after a few moments of contemplation, “come to mine tonight? Eight?”

“Yeah,” you agreed and while he still felt defeated, there was a glimmer of hope in his heart, “see you tonight.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Eddie spent the rest of the day replaying what had happened between the two of you, analyzing very little detail from how your voice sounded to each micro-expression. He had a feeling he knew what was going on but didn’t want to fully embrace that idea just yet. 

By the time you arrived and knocked on his door, he’d been so deep in thought that he almost jumped out of his skin. He wasted no time in coming to the door and opening it, to find you on the other side with an unsure expression. 

“Hi,” he whispered softly. You allowed yourself to meet his gaze and before he could fully process what was going on, you’d thrown yourself into his arms, clinging onto him as tightly as humanly possible. He could hear your soft sniffles and whimpers and held you back just as fiercely, “hey, hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you, sweetheart.”

“Eddie,” his name was a small cry from your lips and you felt yourself slowly calming down with each passing moment of his touch, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you lately. It’s not you, I swear.”

“Stop, baby, stop. You have nothing to apologize for. I have a feeling this wasn’t me or you, was it?” you pulled back and studied him anxiously. You reached up and touched his cheek without thinking about it, but froze when you saw the expression shift. He took your hand and held it out to examine it and your stomach dropped. His eyes hardened and his mouth pulled into a thin line as you tried to pull your hand away, “who did this?”

“Eddie,” you followed his eyes as he studied the fading yellow and greenish bruises on your wrist and forearm. You’d forgotten they were there; to you they were already in the past and long out of your mind but to him it was a shock to the system, “I-I fell. Really, it’s nothing.”

“Was this Jason?” he asked softly, watching your face for any sort of change, “you don’t have to lie to me. This doesn’t happen when you fall…they’re finger shaped bruises.”

“Can we go inside?” you pulled your hand out of his and he nodded grimly, opening the door so you could step into the warmth and familiar comfort of his trailer. You kicked your shoes padded over to the couch, sitting down and pulling your knees to your chest. He sat on the floor in front of you, but remained silent to let you have whatever you needed, “they don’t know I’m here. I had to sneak out.”

“Your parents?” he asked as you caught his eye and nodded, “and Jason?”

“Mhmm,” you sighed lightly, “Jason took it upon himself to tell them we were dating and they didn’t like that too much. They wouldn’t even listen to me at all, they just believed whatever Jason said. He said…he told them all of these stupid, horrible untrue things.”

“Did they hurt you?” he’d surged forward, putting a gentle hand on your leg, “what did they do to you, baby? Please, please tell me.”

“They didn’t do…anything like that,” you confessed, “they grounded me and said I couldn’t see you anymore. They locked me in my room that night. I-I thought they might do something to you if they saw us together, that’s why I was trying to stay away. I knew that if Jason saw or heard anything he’d go straight to them and I couldn’t…I couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to you. Especially knowing what Jason and his stupid friends are capable of. I should have told you sooner.”

“Fuck,” he sighed heavily as he closed his eyes, allowing himself a few deep breaths to calm down, “what did Jason do? When? Why-”

“He saw us together a few weeks ago,” you bit the inside of your cheek as you looked at him with glossy eyes. He was watching you with an expression that was equally upset and furious. You put your legs down before slowly pulling off your sweater. He inhaled sharply when he saw the fading bruises on both of your arms, “and when I got home that night he decided to speak his piece on that.”

“You’ve been dealing with this for weeks?” his voice cracked as delicately grazed his fingertips over your arms, studying each little mark, “I wish you would have told me - I should have known. Fuck. I should have known, I should have just done something.”

“It’s okay, Eddie,” you promised softly, “it’s not your fault at all. I told you, this is my problem, my issue to deal with, not yours.”

“I told you that I would protect you,” he sat up on his haunches, taking your face in his hands before pressing his forehead to yours, “I promised you. And I didn’t even do that. This is-”

“Stop,” you insisted with a soft kiss to his lips, “this is not your fault. It’s my horrible family.”

“What did he…what did he do?”

“Umm,” you shrugged dismissively, wishing he would he drop the subject while also thankful that he cared so much, “h-he dragged me up the stairs and then slammed me into the wall all while telling me how horrible I was, how stupid I was, how I was just a dumb little whore that get probably just get knocked up and get nowhere in life. Said I was making a joke of the family and I should be ashamed and should never be allowed to leave the house again. That’s when he tried to choke me, but at least I managed to fight him off. That’s when he went to our parents.”

“I don’t….everything is telling me to go and beat the shit out of him,” he reached up and lightly tugged down the collar of your shirt, grimacing at the lingering marks on your neck. How could he have missed this? All of the signs were right there and he didn’t even notice; he didn’t keep you safe and he wanted to beat himself up much as he wanted to beat Jason up, “but I…that’s not my concern. You are.”

“I don’t think…we can’t be together anymore, Eddie,” a few tears rolled down your cheeks as you just shook your head. Eddie’s face fell as your words crashed around him, “I hate this, so much. I want to be with you - I love you, Eddie. Really, I do. But I can’t risk having anything happen to you - I would never forgive myself. You’re way too important to me. Honestly, I don’t even care about myself, I can take whatever they do to me, but I could never force that on you. I’d say we could wait until we’re done with school and we can do whatever we want and I can be rid of them, but it’s not fair to you either. I want you to be happy, Eddie.”

“I am happy - with you,” he whispered softly, “only you. You - you said you love me.”

“I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For saying it and making things weird,” you stared at the ceiling to fight off more of your tears, “you don’t have to say it back, and I understand if you don’t feel the same. It’s just that - “

“I love you,” his three little words were enough to completely shut you up. You looked at him nervously, your eyes wide with excitement and wonder. You opened and closed your mouth a few times but found yourself unable to speak, instead a few tears ran down your cheeks, “really. Yes, I mean it. You, baby, just you. And I’m not just saying that.”

“Oh Eddie,” your voice cracked as you let him pull into his arms, “part of me wishes you’d never helped me that day, you know? Because then you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this, But I’m also very selfish and I’m so glad you did. Because even though we don’t have forever, the last few months I’ve spent with you have been the best of my life. You make me very happy, Eddie. And I’m going to miss you so, so much.”

“Who said I was going anywhere?” he was smiling lightly as he wiped away your tears, “baby. I’m not breaking up with you and I’m not letting you break up with me. We have forever.”

“But-”

“I have an idea,” he put a finger to your lips and gently quieted you down, “do you wanna hear it?”

“Yeah,” you nodded softly, “please.”

“You’re legally an adult,” he stated as you nodded,  “which means you can leave home, you’re not bound to them. Those people - they’re not your family. They might have adopted you, but that doesn’t mean jack shit. Family are the people that love you and actually care about you.”

“You,” you breathed out softly, smiling through the bits of tears, “you’re my family, Eddie.”

“And you’re mine.”

“I just…if I leave, I don't know where I’d go. I don’t have any other family nearby and I can’t go back to my old school. My tutoring gig doesn’t pay much and even iif I ended up getting a full ride scholarship to college, that wouldn’t be until fall. I don’t…I wish I could leave. Part of me is still tempted to,” the idea of just leaving had crossed your mind so many times, but you’d never been able to pull the trigger, “it’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.”

“You have a place to go,” he insisted as you looked at him in confusion, “I know it’s not much, it’s not glamorous at all, but you’re welcome to live here. I know Wayne would understand, fuck I’m pretty he loves you more than me. But y-you don’t have to but if you wanted to, I would…love that-”

“Eddie.”

“If not here, then fuck I’ll beg Harrington - he’s got that big house pretty much to himself full time these days, Henderson’s got a spare room, the Byers or the Wheelers, and there’s Gareth,” he waving his hands around nervously as you watched him in awe, “you’ll have somewhere to go, we’d never let you be homeless or let anything happen to you. If they knew half of what’s happened, they’d be on the Carvers in a blink of an eye. But I swear you’ll be safe-”

“Eddie,” you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as possible, carving your body into his, “you are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t know if I could ever express to you how much I love you.”

“I know what I’m suggesting is a lot, but will you at least consider it?” he pressed a kiss to the side of your head, “I just want…I want you to be okay.”

“Yeah,” you nodded as you pulled back gently, “I will.”

“I think the first thing we should do-”

“Do you think I should ask Wayne now or wait a bit?”

“W-wait - do you mean it?” his big, brown eyes lit up with happiness as you nodded, worrying your bottom lip. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you could see that a few tears had welled up in his own, “it’s not going to be much but it-”

“It’s perfect,” you insisted softly, “you’re here. That’s all I need, Eddie. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t see what was going on sooner,” he whispered, “but I mean it, I’ll protect you, baby.”

“I know, Eddie,” you promised, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your heart was pounding in your chest, threatening to burst out of your ribcage as you grabbed your suitcase from the closet and threw it on your bed. You reached for whatever was closest to you, dirty or not, and tossed into the suitcase. There was very little that you were attached to but the few things you loved - including a few pictures of yourself and Eddie and some of your other friends - you delicately wrapped up and tucked into the suitcase. The rest would not be considered a loss; you could replace clothes over time and get new toiletries and whatever else you really needed. 

Your parents - the Carvers as they really were - happened to be out of town for the day at some sort of expo, and Jason was nowhere to be found. He was probably out doing something with his loser friends from the basketball team and as long as he was out of your hair, you didn’t care. If you never had to see these people again, it would be too soon. 

Once you were satisfied with your haphazard handiwork, you zipped the bag suit and hastily grabbed it before getting ready to run down the stairs. Eddie was in his van, waiting just down the street and around the corner. All you had to do was get back to him and you would be safe and rid of this hell forever. 

But luck didn’t seem to be completely on your side, because as you were rushing down the stairs the front door opened and Jason barged in. Your eyes widened in shock as your heart dropped into your stomach. This has absolutely not been part of the plan and panic set in. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” he slammed the door behind him, crossing his arms over his chest as you struggled to figured out how you were possibly going to get out of this situation, “is that a suitcase?”

“J-Jason,” you swallowed thickly, “I’ve got a science conference…I’m just heading out.”

“Science conference,” his sneer was nothing short of malicious as he took a step closer, “that’s such bullshit. I know damn well that’s a lie.”

“Jason,” you tried to find any remaining bit of confidence that you had left, “just the fuck up and let me pass.” 

“Oh, look at you,” he was taunting you, trying to get a rouse out of you and have you back down, “finally found a voice. Maybe that fucking freak taught you something after all.”

“Move.”

“Let me guess, that’s where you’re headed,” he laughed bitterly, “going to your little boyfriend. What were you going to do? Run away to him? That’s cute.”

“Why do you hate me so much?” you groaned, “I have done nothing to you or anyone else! I’ve always minded my own business and I’m never rude to you. And all you’ve ever done is hated me. What the fuck is your problem?”

He just laughed, a hand moving to your shoulder as he tried to shove you into the wall and out of the way. This time you grabbed his wrist and shoved him off of you, “what are you doing you stupid-”

“Do not touch me,” you hissed through gritted teeth, pushing him away from you, “I’ve had enough of you treating me like absolute garbage for no reason!”

“Did you just-”

Somewhere between your anger and fear, you’d found it within yourself to punch him. You tried to replicate what you had seen Eddie do before, squaring yourself before slamming your fist into the side of his face. Your punch wasn’t as hard as it could have been but it was enough to cause him to stagger backwards in surprise. 

“You stupid fucking bitch,” his nose was bleeding and you took his distraction as the perfect opportunity to grab your suitcase and throw open the door before running outside. You could hear him yelling after you, but you didn’t stop until you were on the sidewalk. He was standing in the doorway, wiping the blood off of his face, glowering at you. 

“Fuck you!” you threw up your hand and gave him the bird before taking off down the street to where you spotted Eddie’s van. You didn’t stop until you reached the passenger door, throwing it open before getting inside and throwing your suitcase into the back. 

“Is everything alright?” he was surprised by your sudden frazzled reappearance, but turned on the van nonetheless. You shook your head but then stopped yourself and nodded.

“I was walking down the stairs and Jason came in,” you looked into the rearview mirror to make sure he wasn't following, “he had some choice words and tried to stop me but I…punched him instead and ran out.”

 “Did he hurt you?” he looked over and then scanned your frame but you shook your head, and he visibly relaxed, “wait - baby, you punched him?”

“Yeah,” you grinned before showing him your hand…which you had only now realized was slightly bloodied and bruising, “oops. I didn’t think about the consequences on me. But it was totally worth it. I tried to remember how you did it and just did it? I dunno, I just got so mad and all I could think about was coming to you so I did it.”

“You’re amazing,” he reached for your unharmed hand, lacing your fingers together before bringing your hand to his lips, “you doin’ okay?”

“I am,” you promised as you angled yourself so you could look at him properly, “I feel better than I have in a long time, Eddie. Thank you. I couldn’t…I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” he insisted softly, “but you’ll be safe now, promise.”

“I know,” you leaned over and kissed his cheek, “I love you, Eddie. Really.”

“You say that now,” his little laugh was nervous, “but you’ll probably be sick of me soon after living with me.”

“Sick of you? Never,” your soft reassurance was enough to get that soft little smile back on his face, “swear.”

“I won’t get sick of you either,” he grinned, “I love you. But I have one more thing to ask-”

“Anything.”

“How does breakfast sound?” you looked at him fondly, heart softening bit by bit at the man across from you, “I happen to know a little place that has the best waffles and pancakes in the state.”

“Sounds perfect.”

[transmutationisms]

Love ur takes on the bio/body politics of Succession and I thought 4x09 delivered so much to unpack there!!! Found it so tragic/interesting the way Shiv was talking about her unborn child throughout the episode so resentfully, like a parasite/leech that she’d be prepared to neglect to pursue the company just like her father did…. The cycles of abuse are cycling lol. What do you make of shiv’s relationship to her motherhood and her awareness of her body’s utility to logan’s empire/under capitalism generally? I do really feel like her characterization this season is an interesting summation of the “having it all” discourse of neoliberal feminism (from catherine rottenberg’s Rise of Neoliberal Feminism, dk if you’ve read but I highly reccomend!) Just watching her last ditch attempts to cling to any remaining vestige of power within the company while so brutally reckoning with/abdicating her future motherhood that was hoisted upon her in part due to tom’s striving and ambition…. WHEW.

Also, do you have any insights on why roman was so shaken by seeing his father’s coffin/“is he in there?” I’m still trying to fully unpack that line with regard to what we know about his fear of death/aging and implied abuse he suffered but maybe I’ve got my tinfoil hat on lol.

yeah shiv's position is quite interesting right now. as my bf pointed out, she basically kept her position with matsson by promising not to love her baby. motherhood can be part of 'having it all' as long as there's a huge behind-the-scenes network of domestic workers, assistants, &c to support you. her lines in 4x04 about how she wishes logan could have held his grandkids are also telling; although she hasn't said anything explicitly about producing an heir, we know that's something logan wanted from her because his racism and ableism prevented him from seeing sophie and iverson as filling that role. shiv's earlier reluctance to have children was partly about her relationship with tom, but was also suggested to be partly a reaction to her fear that if she got pregnant, she would basically be relegated to the domestic sphere forever ('mommed') and would no longer be able to even try to become logan's successor. so, having a baby is useful to the company in terms of the long-term line of succession, but also has the potential to basically exclude shiv herself from the game. it converts her body into something that serves logan's interests in a very different way: she's no longer an employee but a mother.

as to roman, this was the culmination of a long fixation with his father's body. way back at the beginning of the show, roman was the one who denied logan was "an elderly patient" in the hospital; he saw logan as basically invincible, except of course for when the worry would break through ("i heard you tried to kill our dad with the sun"). he asked for one of logan's sweaters to sniff, which is later inverted by roman leaving his suit jacket with logan's body on the plane, then echoed by roman wearing logan's sweater around in 4x05. roman was also seen a few times taking logan's advil, a kind of logan relic and a way for roman to metaphorically consume him, which is resonant given how physically unaffectionate and actually violent logan was with him.

roman also has a fraught relationship with his own body, as shown by the body-checking, his restrictive eating, and his inability to fuck or even take his cock out in front of matsson. roman was disturbed when connor sent the funeral home photo of logan's body, and again when connor was talking about going to visit the body. for roman, bodies in general are a site of violence and shame, and logan's body specifically is something that logan always tried to deny existed or to transcend, yet also the way he physically inflicted pain upon roman. so, roman has this fixation on the physicality of logan's dead body, which both is and isn't logan, and which both disgusts and compels roman. seeing the coffin was disturbing because the body was both hidden and displayed, and roman almost couldn't force himself to believe that logan really was dead or even had a physical body that could be killed. and in the "can we get him out of there" line, roman was sort of hysterically trying to 'free' logan, both from death and from the constricting box, as well as trying to get physically closer to the father he misses greatly and has always both loved and feared.

[boliv-jenta]

Charlie SNL x f!reader

Warnings: Smut. Angst. Domestic violence. People being assholes about disabilities. Adjusting to disabilities.

Previous part | Masterlist

WC:3.7k

Moving On

"That's funny because I called your office. They said you were taking a personal day….." Daniel's words hung in the air.

The food that smelled so delicious before turned your stomach. "I…."

"You were with Charlie." It was a statement. His tone was the same as if he'd informed you that you were out of milk.

This scenario had played in your head a million times. In your head, he'd been angry, he'd be upset, he'd never been calm. With Chloe's words changing your outlook on your relationship, the calmness of his demeanour began to unnerve you. With no point denying it you spoke up "Yes." The word was strong yet you couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes.

In your preferal, you watched him pour you both a glass of wine and begin eating his dinner. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

That brought your eyes to his. "You're not?"

"No. It was a mistake. We've all made them." It was stupid, hypocritical but your gut twisted at the implication that he had cheated on you. "But you're my wife, not his. We'll get past this."

"I don't want to get past this. I'm sorry, I should have told you. I didn't want to hurt you."

Daniel carried on eating as if this was just a normal evening meal, like you were just telling him about your day. "Like a said I'm not mad. It's done. There's nothing to be hurt about."

"Daniel. You're not listening."

The crash of his plate against the wall caused you to jump to your feet. "No. You're not listening. We're married. You're my wife. You're not going to leave me for some cripple. You're staying." He bellowed.

The side door was just a few feet away. Everything in you told you to run. Daniel always had a temper, he'd never hurt you before but you'd never left him before. Shaking, you took the slightest step towards the door. Daniel was round the table and in front of you before you could take another. Your whole body trembled. As he raised his hand you flinched. The hand came to the side of your face before cupping your cheek.

"Babe. No. I scared you. I'm so sorry. You don't have to be scared." He pulled you into a hug before peppering kisses over your face. "It's all okay. I still love you, let me show you." His hands moved to your hips dragging you against his obvious erection. The thought of him being able to get hard while screaming at you, sickened you.

Pushing down your fear, you placed your hands on his shoulders. "Daniel. No."

He stopped kissing you. His eyes bore into yours before he reacted suddenly, by dropping to his knees. "You can't leave. I'll be different. I know you're on the fence about having kids but we could have a family. Let me give you a baby." He nuzzled your stomach, pressing kisses to it. His hands gripped your hips tightly.

"No. That's not going to happen. Daniel. Please. Let me go." You tried to sound braver than you felt.

Pressing his forehead to where he pictured your future baby growing, he bursted into tears. Sobbed wracked his whole body as you peeled him off you.

"I'm sorry." You meant it as you backed up towards the door.

Thankfully, Daniel left it open while he was cooking. You were almost through it when your plate hit the wall next to you.

"I hope you'll be fucking happy helping him wipe his ass rest of your life. He probably can't even get it up to fuck you any more. You deserved each other. His body's broken and your fucking brain must be broken. Dumb fucking bitch…" The plate had scared you so much you froze but his furious tirade had you slamming the door and running to the neighbours house.

"...I just frozen. Then I knew I just had to get away." Exhaustion pulled at you when you finally sat in Chloe's living room recounting your day. "To think I was worried that having a cop as a neighbour might make us a target. If Tony hadn't been home, I don't know what I would have done. He went back to the house to get my purse. Daniel packed me some clothes, he insisted. Tony said he apologised over and over all the while. He told him to tell me he wanted me back."

"Fucking psycho." Chloe muttered as she poured another glass of wine.

"Tony then drove me to the station. He told me to make a report of Daniel's aggressive behaviour. The officers that took my statement told me to keep any evidence of anything further. Just in case I have to take him to court. I can't believe it. I know he could get angry but I've never been scared of him. I suppose I've never cheated on him before…"

"No! It doesn't matter if you cheated, there is no excuse for his behaviour. No excuse, you hear me?"

"Yeah. I know you're right. I'm just so tired. It's been a long day. Spending the afternoon with Charlie…"

"Which you will be telling me all the details of…" you yawned loudly as she spoke. "...tomorrow. Go to bed. I'll take tomorrow off. We'll stay in, binge a show, eat some junk food."

"That sounds good. Thank you so much."

"You've been here for all my break ups. I'm just returning the favour."

"Hey, Shirley. Hey, Miles." The rehab facility became a second home. Needing a fresh start, you'd quit your job. Taking one with a company that had been after you for a while. The gap between you leaving date and your new start date gave you time to sort your life out. Chloe was still letting you stay with her. It was touching how much she cared. The friendship between had always felt more like a familial relationship.

It was a relationship you were extremely thankful for as Daniel had made it his mission to make you the bad guy to your family and friends.

Strangely, he failed to mention his outbursts, his stalking behaviour or the restraining order you had to file against him.

Sadly, the members of your family that believed him would probably explain that all away. You didn't have a large family. It was mainly your mom and her sisters that raised you after your father died. You had a few cousins and that was it. Being the good God-fearing folk they were, you were instantly the bad guy who had to make it up to her husband. The words 'a baby will bring you closer together' were mentioned several times.

Luckily, you had Chloe, and with the support of Tony you managed to get all your things from your home. Tony had offered to stand guard while you two packed things up while Daniel was at work. It was strange trying to condense all your belongings down. There were so many things that you had bought but they had been for your home with Daniel. It seemed strange to take them with you, with no home to take them to, as a reminder of your home Daniel. In the end you were left with your clothes and a few boxes of personal stuff.

"Hey, Roberta. How did Charlie do today?"

Roberta was in charge of Charlie's physical therapy. As well as having to deal with all the bullshit in this world as a black woman, she was also born with Phocomelia, her left arm was only half formed. Woe betide anyone that tried to tell her they couldn't do something. According to her, if she could adapt to her situation, then her patients could give her one more step. Although, you didn't exactly agree with that outlook. We all have our own mountains to climb. We all have different ways of coping. There was no way you were brave enough to tell her that. The woman could wither you with a look.

"Hey, Sweetie. Charlie did well but…."

"But what?"

"Nothing, it's not my place to say. I'm here if you need anything."

The hairs on the back of your next stood on end. It had to be bad news, rushing along the corridor, you found Charlie sitting at the table by his window. The table was cluttered with small plastic pieces, some tools and little pots of paint. A few Warhammer figures sat on the window ledge. It had taken Charlie over a week just to make the first one. The next two were a bit quicker. The use of his hands was improving. They trembled less and were becoming stronger and more dexterous each day.

"Is everything okay?" The words flew out as you crossed his room.

"Good afternoon to you too." He chuckled rolling his chair back from his table.

"Hi." You left a quick kiss on his head before sitting down next to him. "Roberta made it sound like something was wrong."

"Oh, she did, did she? Well, she just tanked the Trip Advisor review I was leaving for this place."

"Charlie!" You sighed. Usually you loved his sense of humour. After his good looks, it was the next thing that attracted you to him.

At work there was always a buzz around Charlie. He gave off such an effortlessly fun energy. He never tried too hard or made jokes at anyone's expense. He knew when to leave a joke alone. His wit was razor sharp. It was his humour that had carried him this far. The rehab was taking a toll on him. The little reward for so much effort was weighing on him. He was making progress in becoming more self reliant. Transferring himself from his chair to his bed or the shower became a lot easier for him. The doctors still didn't know if he'd walk unaided again but that didn't stop Charlie putting the effort in.

"The company let me go. They found a way to accuse me of risking the family friendly reputation the company has with my affair."

"What?! They can't do that!"

"They can, Honey."

"Well, screw them. When you get out of here you can walk into any job you want." Part of you cringed at your choice of words.

"Yeah, I know I can roll right into a few jobs." The little laughter lines around his eyes crinkled as smiled. "The thing is…" he began letting his grin drop. "...my medical insurance runs out next week. My savings won't cover me for that long."

"Move in with me."

"What?"

"I was keeping it quiet until it was all done but I've bought a ranch house in the suburbs. We could easily get some modifications done. I can work from home while I get set up in my new job. I can be there if you need help."

"I know that your heart is in the right place with this. I'm just going to need some time to think this through."

"Of course, I…" His rejection choked you a little.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't. I would love to live with you. To wake up with you everyday and just be with you whenever I want. I just can't help feeling bad that this isn't a choice we'd be making for those reasons and that I might have to rely on you for a lot of things. Just give me some time. Okay?"

"Of course."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"You wanna go for a ride?"

When you looked at him quizzically, he clarified. "On my lap. To the garden. No funny business. I'm getting stronger now. I could do with the challenge."

"Adding my weight would be a challenge?" You did your best to look mock offended but you couldn't help the smile at seeing Charlie ready for a challenge again. He was also so driven and determined. The clients always loved how he would go about and beyond for them. He'd do what they asked and then some. He was the same with you. He was never content to just go through the motions. There was effort put in and attention paid to everything he did for you.

It used to break your heart to see him do the same for Morgan but not get the same care in return. That's what had finally prompted you to open up to him. To tell him that you wanted more than just sex with him. You adored him and he deserved to be cared for as well as he cared for others.

Charlie held his hand out before bowing his head solemnly. "A challenge I would gladly accept, my love."

Carefully, you sat across his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck. Charlie had it all the way to the main desk before Roberta caught him. "Charlie! What do you think you are doing?!"

He stopped in his tracks at the sound of her voice behind him. Miles, a retired football coach, getting on his feet after a hip replacement, was still sitting doing his jigsaw. "You go for the end zone, I'll run interference."

Shirley, a nurse herself, who was hit by a car, sat opposite him finishing a scarf for her nephew. "Do you know how hard that woman's job is? I do." Charlie and Miles both hung their heads a little. Shirley then leaned in to add. "I also know she made me do two extra circuits yesterday so you be as big of a pain in her ass as you like."

Charlie took that at his cue to make a break for the door. The path was clear, everything was looking good except for the fact that Charlie didn't take into account that hitting the ramp outside at speed was like hitting a speed boost in Mario Kart. Hitting a rose bush, head on, at full speed was very much akin to taking a red shell to the face. Luckily, you were able to put your feet on the ground to steady Charlie and his chair.

"Whoa. I got you."

"I know." The grin that bloomed on his fave was far more beautiful than the blooms you nearly found yourself in. "You know I might need someone to keep me from totaling this thing. Maybe moving in with you would be the responsible choice."

"And you are nothing if not responsible." A smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms around Charlie's neck.

Roberta's death stare was burning a hole in the back of Charlie's head as leaned in to kiss him. When you pulled back her gaze had softened. The softest look you saw on her face was when Charlie left the facility ten days later.

The house had been ready for you to move into. It was an open plan, single storey. The adjustments needed for Charlie were easy to make. Within a week you'd settled in together. Charlie was regaining his independence. He still had his physical therapy, your insurance cover him now that you lived together. His therapists were all impressed with his progress. He was strong enough to transfer himself everywhere he needed. Sometimes you worried he was overdoing it. Every night he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He'd have his therapy, workout, do chores around the house. He didn't seem to rest. It was as if he constantly needed to move.

With the first full day off you had, a plan formed in your mind. A day on the couch binge watching John Wick before the new one came out. The snacks were bought, you were going to order takeout. There would be no reason to do anything but chill out.

There may have been an ulterior motive for your rest day. Since you went back to work and Charlie was busy all day before crashing at night, the physical intimacy between you had almost evaporated. There were a few kisses and hugs, when you left for work, when you came home, when you got into bed. That was it. Charlie was always so physical with his affection. Even just sitting with you he would keep a hand on you, or just the barest touch of his finger tips, just to keep contact with you. It was his love language. That was kind of how this whole thing started.

With one movie down, Charlie asked if you want to start the next. "We don't have to stay in all day you know?"

"I know. I want to. I've missed just cuddling you. It's been a long time since we just cuddled." It sounded pathetic when you said it out loud. With everything that you both had going on you were upset that you hadn't snuggled for a while.

"Oh, Sweetheart. I'm sorry. I guess it has." He pulled you even closer to him, where you had been tucked into his side now your knee was over his legs. You were fully pressed against his chest. As the movie played you traced patterns on it. He was warm and firm under your touch. This was the longest you'd had your hands on him in three weeks.

Even when you were sneaking around you never went that long without touching. The longest was nine days. Then he'd followed you into the copier room before locking the door. He'd taken you hard and fast, bent over a desk. One of his hands over your mouth, holding back all your moans. One had furiously worked your clit so you'd follow him quickly over the edge. He'd bitten into the material of your blazer at your shoulder to muffle his own sounds. The ones that escaped sounded like a chant of your name.

The heat of him next to you, along with the memory had you squirming in your seat.

"Exciting movie?" Charlie teased. As you looked up to answer him his lips met yours. They barely parted over yours and it only lasted a second but it was enough of a taste to have you panting for more.

"Or is there something else you've missed?" With his newly gained strength, he lifted you to straddle his lap like it was nothing. His lips returned to yours as his hands cupped your tits. He held the weight of them in his hands before stroking your nipples to peaks. Once he felt they were ready, his lips travelled downwards. He sucked and bit at them through your oversized t-shirt.

"I've missed you, too, Baby. Lemme see you." Charlie's hands left your chest only to help you with the shirt. The warmth of his hands soon returned. "Fuck. I've missed these pretty tits." His words tumbled out across your breasts, along with kisses. He took his time alternating between licking and sucking your aching nipples and rolling them between his fingers.

"Charlie. Please." You weren't sure if that was a plea for him to stop or give you more.

He decided to give you more. One of his hands massaged the tit he was sucking on with the other trailed down your stomach to the waistband of your leggings. The time it took him to push past it and finally touch your centre felt like an eternity.

"Charlie!" Even with that single touch you felt like you were close to coming. His finger dipping inside you to spread your slick over your clit pushed you even further.

"So wet. You missed me that much?" He muttered against the curve of your breast.

"Yes. I've missed you touching me." A flash of guilt crossed his handsome face at your words.

He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it and slip three fingers inside you. He kept them shallow. The stretch was pleasant, not too much, it was still overwhelming to have him inside you again. It was your turn to open your mouth when he started rubbing your clit with his thumb. It slid side to side with ease. It didn't take long at all for you to start fluttering around his fingers. A toe curling orgasm worked its way through your body. Your pussy clenched around his fingers. Your thighs clamped around his. Your fingers clutched at his curls. "Oh god. Charlie! Charlie." You all but sobbed at the waves of pleasure washed over you.

"There you go. I've got you." He soothed as he gently kissed your flushed flesh.

That should have satiated you, all it did was stoke your hunger. As soon as he removed his hand you dropped down against his crotch. Kissing him deeply, you ground your soaked cunt against him. It took you a while to feel it, or rather not feel it.

"Fuck." Charlie gripped your hips to stop you before dragging his hands down his face. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." You covered his hands with yours.

"No, it's not. It's…" a frustrated grunt punctuated his sentence.

"It's fine. Today was perfect."

"It has been. I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated." You eased off his lap. "It's like I take a step forward then two back. This whole time I've been thinking that this is just temporary. What if it's not? I've been working so fucking hard. What if I don't get back to how I was?" Tears welled in his eyes.

"I'm here for you. We'll deal with it together." At that point he started to shift towards his chair. "Charlie?"

"That's just it though we can't deal with it together. This is my problem. I'm the one who apparently can't get his dick up. I'm the one that couldn't beat the shit out of your ex when he was scaring you. I'm the one that needs help." His voice was breaking as it all came out. Just as the tears started flowing he backed away from you.

Tags @kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @graciexmarvel @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass

"Charlie." You had nothing else to say. How did you not realise that he'd been so optimistic all this time because he thought this was just a problem he needed to work hard to solve? You had always accepted that this could be a new way of life for both of you. Since Charlie seemed to accept it too, you had just gone about setting up your new life together. Now you had no idea what life held for you as you watched him leave.

Next

[hibewriter]

Lost In Translation

Masterlist   Read it on AO3 WIP Chapters: 1 2

The Rings of Power / Lord of the Rings | Haladriel / Saurondriel | 5.4K | E 

Tags: 1st persn POV | Dual POV | Drug Use | Character Death | Referenced Domestic Violence 

Chapter Two: Sober

March 2003

Halbrand

I won my first Oscar off the back of a murder I committed. It sounds dramatic, but it's true.

It's hard to explain. I had gotten the call to audition for the film in August of '01. I remember it vividly. My agent, Mel, had called me, claiming he was about to take me from the B-List to the A-List. I, being the responsible age of twenty-one, was coked out of my mind, sitting on the floor of my then girlfriend's apartment wondering if I could fix all of Los Angeles' traffic problems. I wasn't ready for star potential. Plus, Mel had told me that before. So I told him to fax me the script.

When I first read the script to GreyMan, twenty minutes into a comedown and half-heartedly thinking I'd text my girlfriend back, I cried. Not in that "I saw something sad and needed to let a tear go" type of way. No, I had a full breakdown in a New York apartment while I cried over the character I was supposed to read for in a little over a week. I won't summarize the film for you, likely to be found on any such streaming service or whatever new bullshit way we've made to fork over hundreds of dollars to people who still haven't given me my residuals. I digress.

The leading man was haunted, using substances to run from his mistakes and never confront the victims of his past. I guess it resonated with me. Not so much the political intrigue aspect of the film, but the character spoke to me. So I auditioned for the role. I got it on October first. I remember because when I got the call, Mel had said something I'd never heard him say before.

"I'm proud of you."

Fuck me, apparently. It wasn't the first role I ever auditioned for, nor was it the first one I'd gotten hired for. We both knew at this point that I was a damn good actor, that I'd been doing this long enough to act circles around the fresh faces. I was young, but I'd been in front of the camera since I was nine. But now that it was a script he liked...

I tried to get sober for the first time on October third, two thousand and one. It lasted precisely ten days, fifteen minutes, and thirty seconds. My girlfriend, broke up with me, the second I confided in her what I'm about to tell you. Up until this point, I hadn't thought to mention it to her, as it hadn't even crossed my mind to tell her that I was a murderer. As you can imagine, it's not the first, second, or third thing I want to think about. Even more so, not when she reacted like that.

I need to preface the following with the truth. I am not proud of how I handled this. I'm not proud of the monster I became.

Yet, she was going to leave. And if she left, she would've told everyone. So as she was walking past me I grabbed her. I drug her through the apartment, ignoring her scratches and screaming at me to let her go. I threw her onto the bed I used to fuck her on. I held her down by the throat. I waited 'til she passed out. I was well and truly panicked. I called Mel. He faxed an NDA and told me to make sure it was signed. When she woke up, I watched her sign it. I watched and she looked at me with fear. No one had ever looked at me like that before. But it wouldn't be the last time.

Looking back, maybe I should've been more concerned that my agent had an NDA built and ready to go covering murder and domestic violence. (Not that the contract was enforceable, but she didn't know that. I think she might now. To Narya, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I know that's not enough. I'm sorry that this won't be the first apology to a woman I cared for in this reflection. None of them will be enough.)

On March twenty-first, nineteen ninety-nine, I killed Finrod Noldor. It was an accident, but no one could prove that. It was an accident, but it was still my fault. I had brought the cocaine to Círdan Nowë's afterparty. I was the one who laid it out on the tray, I was the one who handed Finrod the hundred that he'd use to snort that white powder off Círdan's expensive coffee table. He was dead within half an hour. It would've been quicker to just shoot him. It would've been kinder. The kindest thing would've been not to kill a man in front of his kid sister. But all I could do was hold her back from the body when the paramedics came. I gave her a pillow, but in her grief, I might as well have just been an invisible man. There's nothing you can say to someone after that.

So I say nothing. And then I go to base the best performance of my career so far on the event. I'm an actor after all.

GreyMan was – is – my most hated film, personally. I didn't enjoy filming, I didn't agree with certain choices from the director, and I hated most of my co-stars. I never hid that. Mel hated that I never hid it in interviews or red carpet chats designed to make people like me. He would yell at me for hours on the phone after press days when all I wanted to do was slip into a fan who hung too close, or a drink. None of that stopped the film from being a box-office success.

I was twenty-one. It was the first time in my life I didn't have to pretend to like the assholes who were old enough to buy my alcohol or get my ID forged. I didn't have to pretend that I liked fucking Isildur, no last name because he's pretentious and thinks he was as good as Cher. Even though the only reason he was in GreyMan was because his father was a Hollywood legend and he didn't need to audition for half the films he was cast for. There was none of trying to smile and be correct for the camera. Not then. I was twenty-one, invincible. I was the next biggest star in the world, and I knew it. The press knew it. My manager knew it. So you'll forgive me for not bowing down to the face of Isildur and the scourge of nepotism.

Again, I must digress.

The red carpet is the worst part of the Oscars. I've only been to one sober, and it definitely wasn't this one. In the car ride to the Dolby Theater, I had maybe fifty milligrams of cocaine. I think it's that number, the way I normally divvied up each baggie. I hadn't had a full eight ball since nineteen ninety-nine, for obvious reasons. I wasn't looking to die or disappear from my mind. I was looking to feel something other than the consistent anxiety that came with fame. Cocaine didn't help that much, truth be told, but my mind was thinking too fast for me to focus on any one terror. If I can't think about it, I can't be in it.

The second I step out of the car, the flashing is nothing short of overwhelming. Hundreds of paparazzi lined up just to snap my photo as I stepped down the carpet to the reporter area. Behind them are fans, or me or other celebrities coming behind me it didn't matter, who screamed so loud that to this day I lament forgetting to use the flesh-toned earplugs Mel had offered me.

The reporters are worse. The ones who ask questions about the film we're nominated for, most of them the exact same and banal. Who's the funniest person in the cast? Or, God forbid, besides your film, who will you be rooting for tonight? First of all, all co-stars are equally as funny. We've been trained to be charismatic as shit since the moment any of us stepped foot in L.A. Everyone is stereotypically funny. Throw a dart at the wall and they can probably make you laugh. Secondly, no one. I only want to win. I want to have a complete run of the house when it comes to the Oscars because I did what it took.

But you can't say that.

No, you have to smile and flash your teeth that you just got painfully whitened to a blinding degree the day before. You have to nod along and choose the safest option from a list of pre-selected movies you're allowed to root for. Nothing with a director under fire, nothing from an actor who is in the midst of a scandal. Compliment the underdog, people love to see the sure bet root for the first-timer. And usually, all of that works. Usually, the prep work that comes from The Ainur Talent Agency is enough.

Unless you're the unlucky bastard who finds himself on the other side of Miriel Elros' microphone.

I want to lie and say I don't remember what she asked me. I want to lie and pretend that she's not the first person to break through my drug-induced haze with a question designed to turn me into a frozen mess. Miriel knows how to find the sorest spot of an actor's life and then attack where they can't run and hide. She was a viper in a nest of rodents, and often I find myself wondering why she didn't do things like political journalism, critiquing those who actually made things happen. She'd be an excellent correspondent.

"The last time you were here, you were getting ready to lose the nineteen ninety-nine award for Best Supporting Actor in A Beautiful Life, for your role next to Finrod Noldor. How do you feel now, on the red carpet, being nominated for the same award as your late friend?"

She called him my friend. It was like a knife to the gut. Finrod was anything but my friend. We were on the same set, yes. We shared two, maybe three scenes together in a film, and he was one of those people who had the air of magmatism around him no matter what he did. But we never hung out. We never grabbed lunch or coffee. We were cordial. The only time I had ever seen him outside of the set was that night. And that ended on the opposite end of friendly.

It's easy enough to ignore the jab on losing my first nomination. The loss had four years to marinate in my head, and it no longer bothered me. But the word friend. It felt like a stone in my throat. I remember clearly, my brow furrowing as I kept the polite smile on my lips, my drug-addled brain searching for the words to say while Miriel stood, microphone held to my face. It could've been seconds or hours before I responded.

"Well," I say, hoping the panic isn't seeping into my voice. "Finrod was an amazing actor, and even more he was an amazing person. Everyone who has won this award in the past four years should be grateful to be considered in the same category as him. I know I am. Win or lose, I am just honored to be considered on the same list as an icon such as himself."

I wasn't lying. Well, not fully. I did respect Finrod, probably as much as the next person. Did I consider him an icon? Not for acting. The most notable thing he ever did was die, and he didn't really get much say in that performance, did he? He was a legend but only in the tragedy of his real life. But, it was an honor to be named best actor. It was an honor to earn the award so early in both our careers. Even though I felt smug that I got there nearly nine years before he did.

I only breathed when Miriel stepped away from me.

The actual ceremony was full of shit. Star after star rose to the stage to thank the people they'd spent the last year yelling at. Every actor on the stage had yelled at their agent or manager or even their director at least once a month for the past twelve months, only to plaster on fake smiles as soon as a camera came out and forced them to adopt the "lovable hot starlet" persona they all attempted to adopt. This isn't to say I didn't do the same thing when my name was called. I thanked the director, my fellow castmates, and god I only partially believed in. I smiled and let the stagehand lead me backstage.

When I got back to my seat I smiled for every award after mine. I clapped for the other movies that won, including when we lost Best Picture to Atlanta, a musical retold as a film. Fake smiles, continue to applaud. After all, I'd gotten what I wanted. I won the golden trophy. I still have it, it's collecting dust on my mantle at the L.A. home. I only stay there when I have to.

But the worst part of that night came at the end. The moment I was leaving early from Isildur's afterparty where I only took one more bump before settling for his shit beer and ignoring the eyes that his sister flashed at me all night. I'd won the award and I made my required appearances, all I wanted was to slink back into my bed at home. Anárion, the more talented brother of Isildur, stopped me on my way out.

"Feels like shit, doesn't it?" He asked. What the fuck happened to hello? Hi, how are you?

"Being at this party? Yes."

The bastard laughs, nodding toward the balcony door rather than the front door I was heading to. And my dumbass follows him, probably more so following the pack of cigarettes he pulls out. They're not my favorite vice but hell, when they're available.

"The Oscar is shit," he says when we get outside. I take one of his cigarettes, barely waiting for him to extend his lighter before I light it and take the first drag. Hell, but I doubt heaven would feel better. "Bunch of pretentious dickheads."

I nod, giving a bit of an exhale. "But it's everything."

"Why, do you think?" He looks genuinely curious about my answer, and for the first time, I think that maybe this conversation is a test.

"We're actors, Anárion," I say after just a moment. "If we don't get the shiny trophy and the magazine articles claiming that we're special, what makes us better than Joe Nobody working at the Walgreens down the street?"

He exhales his own puff of smoke, and the wind pushes it directly back into my face. I barely felt it at the time, peering at the man next to me as he considered my words. There's enough of a beat that we both take another drag, and I look off Isildur's balcony to the hills below. There were countless parties going on in the ridge, each twinkling light another mansion that people rarely spent time in. I couldn't wait to get back to my bed.

"I guess the money isn't enough?" He asks this as if the answer isn't obvious. I scoff, taking another long drag of the cigarette.

"We're all slaves to that here," I say. "Everything costs shit, we all gotta live, we all gotta eat." I hesitate, and for not the first I appreciate Anárion for being a better person than his brother. He simply leans against the railing, looking at me in wait. "But there's something about that fucking trophy. Not everyone can get that. Not everyone can just get up and try really hard and have a little bit of it at the end of the day. Look at L.A. No one fucking lives here because it's cheap. No one lives here because they make money. They're here because they want their name to be known by everyone in this goddamn country. And having that stupid fucking trophy puts you one, two hundred households closer to being as ubiquitous with fame as Marilyn fucking Monroe."

I light another cigarette, not even asking before I pluck it from Anárion's discarded pack on the railing next to him. He just looks at me, head cocked in consideration. For a moment, I wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. For a moment, I wondered if I had unwittingly ruined my chances of working with the plethora of connections Anárion and the entire Voronda family had within the industry. Not that I was winning any favors with Isildur. Until he straightens, snuffing his cigarette out and tossing it over the railing.

"I think you should meet someone."

[separatist-apologist]

why on earth do ppl call Lucien an abuser apologist? like how is he one? Him being unable to properly stand up for himself was so fucking understandable give the fact he grew up in an abusive household and then ended up with tamlin who also low key treated him like shit. Lucien has been stifled and pushed down (by tamlin a lil an his brothers) an yet he feels this loyalty to tamlin because he saved him. He’s unable to stand up to him because he feels this twisted loyalty to him. doesn’t that happen to so many fucking ppl in real like? an Lucien tried so hard for feyre even when HE was also a victim of so much abuse. it’s so random to me because I love Lucien an I love feysand, but some of these feysand stans say such ridiculous things abt the other characters yet never call out feyre or rhys on their shit. like Luciens an abuser apologist? hell no.

#i love Lucien vanserra

I wasn't going to respond to this but I'm doing some work stuff and it's on my mind.

I think there are two things when it comes to abuse and abuse apologism in the fandom.

SJM addresses it very poorly narratively and the readers pick up what she's saying. Sometimes I think she likes to sprinkle in a little sexual assault/domestic violence just to make things spicy but she doesn't want to follow through with it. So Rhys/Lucien are suffering...but only when it's narratively convenient and then they're not. Everyone KNOWS they're suffering...until it doesn't serve her anymore. And that's a problem because why should the fans care if, say, Feyre thinks that Lucien did nothing to help her or what he did wasn't enough? She thinks it, the author wrote that and even if we're not meant to agree (and I think we were), it gets said and people genuinely DO feel that way. Which takes me to my second point

this fandom fucking has 0 ability to address nuanced topics. Look at how Gwyn has been spoken about, how sexual assault gets weaponized for ships, and how people truly buy into "perfect victim" narratives, or the media shiny belief that you're somehow "broken" or "damaged" or otherwise incapable of moving forward once this happens. For Lucien specifically, he often gets painted with the "your parents are abusers so naturally you are too" brush and SJM uses it LIBERALLY all over the place.

Tomas Mandray is said to be a bad option for Nesta because his dad hits his mother (though we later find out this is true, he's a bad person not BECAUSE he has abusive parents). Eris (and his brothers) are merely extensions of Beron's worst impulses. The fandom loves to dunk on Lucien as being just like Beron and I've seen many, MANY bad takes where someone is calling Lucien out for being like Beron/drawing comparisons between Elain and the LOA. And part of that isn't even unreasonable because those are the authors opinions, too (though Lucien is Helion's son, which distances him from Beron and I know people like to pretend that's not canon)

Additionally, I do think a lot of people just don't think men can suffer from abuse and if they do, it's not as bad. So Lucien and Feyre are both suffering but hers is worse and Lucien is complicit for not killing Tamlin. Again, there is no nuance and if you attempt to inject it, people get angry because they take these books too personally. But these are real-life attitudes merely magnified in fiction which is why I'm always harping that analysis for these books too heavily focus on individual readers and not the authors on attitudes or the attitudes of the society we live in. SJM is merely reflecting the world we live in. Lucien just didn't try hard enough. He sided with Tamlin, he helped Hybern, blah blah blah.

Lucien lacks power across the board. He's the only person who helps Feyre in tangible ways when she's human and beneath the mountain- from screaming BEHIND YOU with the worm, to refusing to give up her name knowing he's going to die, and fixing her face and giving her a blanket in her cell, Lucien puts his body in front of Feryes over and over and over again. He does it because she is part of his court but in ACOWAR Lucien also says he's her friend. He's the only person, between the push-pull of Rhys and Tamlin, who is doing things because he is concerned about HER and not because he wants to fuck her.

And I know the criticism in ACOMAF is he tried to drag her back to Tamlin and ignored her letter, but Lucien didn't fucking know Rhys wasn't a piece of shit. In her mind, Feyre condemns him for thinking Rhys is, but the last interaction Lucien and Rhys have is Rhys in his mind about to kill him, and the time before that is him taunting Lucien about his dead love and his mother getting assaulted by his father. The author likes to ignore the things she wrote, but in order to prop Rhys up in ACOMAF, she just...ignores huge sections on ACOTAR.

And I think, finally, Feyre is the one who invites Lucien to Velaris. He keeps her secret all through ACOWAR when he knows she's lying. He teams up with her against his best friend on more than one occasion and out of everyone serving beneath a High Lord, Lucien is consistently the only person who defies orders in order to give Feyre help/information (Cassian and Azriel and Amren all hide that pregnancy, but Lucien defies Tamlin with the bogge and again when they just leave Spring behind after Ianthes hands get wrecked).

Anyway, I didn't mean to offer such a passioned defense of Lucien but if you stan Feyre and not Lucien RIP i guess. She considers him her friend, she brought him to Velaris with her, and Lucien still goes to Spring even though Tamlin uses him like a punching bag in order to ensure HER safety. He's the person who goes back when they find out she's pregnant to keep Tamlin from doing something foolish. He's keeping the human lands together for HER and HER court.

They're friends, die mad about it I guess