#you are now thinking about sunset shimmer

[ponku-po]

undefined

sunset shimmer: element of empathy RAGE

[dotster001]

When You Escape Him; Savannaclaw

Summary: Yandere Savannaclaw boys x gn!reader. He adopts a child that looks like the two of you. You run to give you both a chance at life. You never expected him to find you.

CW: yandere, dark content, you don't make it far in two out of three of these, murder (if you think about it for two seconds), no wait there's also actual murder, abuse of power, laugh with me, Ruggie 's cracked, emotional manipulation,

Heartslaybul Octavinelle Scarabia Pomefiore Ignihyde Diasomnia Non NRC Staff

Three years into your relationship, he had come home and placed a baby in your arms.

"They were left in a box, all alone. And, well, he looks like if the two of us had a child," he sheepishly stared at the ground. "I just, I just figured it must be a gift from the seven."

You knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to tie himself to you through this boy. He looked just like him, and you were disgusted and scared.

Until he opened his eyes for the first time, and you found yourself staring into your own.

And you knew. You had to give this child the opportunity for a better life. A life without him.

In the end, your son did the opposite of what he had intended. And the first moment you could, the two of you had escaped.

Every day that took you farther away from the Sunset Savannah was a blessing.  Getting out of the palace had been a miracle. Not alerting a single guard to your exit was a marvel.

Your time in Twisted Wonderland had taught you one thing. You were running out of miracles.

But you only needed one more. Tomorrow, you would leave the hotel with your son before the sun rose. You would slip into the trunk of a car that you'd traded the last of your jewels chains for. The driver would take you over the border, and then you could slip away where the second prince couldn't touch for fear of war.

You were too nervous to sleep. You held your son in your arms, and paced, whispering about the life you could have once you were free from Leona. The child had only been your son for three weeks, but you were going to free you both. Give you both a loving home.

You should sleep. You couldn't guarantee the next time you'd have a bed. And your eyes were so heavy, your mind foggy, but the anxiety pulsing through your veins made you nauseous whenever you tried to lay down.

Your vision was starting to get as foggy as your mind. The walls seemed to be wavering. Perhaps you should sit down.

The first grain of sand that hit you, you snapped completely awake. The walls weren't wavering; they were shimmering and collapsing.

You were lucky you were on the first floor. As fast as you could, you grabbed one of the tshirts you had stolen from Leona, and covered your son's head, pressed him close to your chest, then ran straight into the shimmering sand….

….and straight into a solid mass.

"Gotcha."

You felt a hand grab you by the hair as you heard the now completely sand hotel collapse behind you. You were yanked to the side of the hard mass, as he shouted.

"Tell my brother that I have them. Prepare for cleanup."

"Yes, your highness!" The nervous soldier standing beside Leona stuttered. Now that you weren't pressed straight into Leona, you saw he was surrounded by an entire troupe of soldiers. You watched the one he'd addressed rush off to the crowd on the other side of the pile of sand. You didn't recognize that one. He must have been promoted once the old one was fired.

If Leona didn't kill them, that is.

As you stared at the other crowd of soldiers, you recognized Farena's regal silhouette, feeling nauseous as he nodded at Leona across the way, issuing orders to soldiers who moved to get rid of all evidence of the former hotel.

Leona brought your attention back to him, taking the baby from your arms, and pulling his shirt off the little one's head. He babbled happily, and Leona infinitesimally softened. A face that was usually reserved for you.

"I can't believe you made me do all this work," he muttered, his tone becoming hard again. "You're gonna have to try real hard to make it up to me."

"Why is Farena here?" You whispered. You didn't think poorly of Farena. In fact, a part of you believed that, if you had had the chance, he would have helped you. But here he was, cleaning up Leona's dirty work.

Leona growled, and you snapped your mouth shut.

"The kingdom likes me better when you're with me. Of course he'd make sure I wouldn't lose you."

It was patronizing, like he was explaining something simple to a small child. A child he hated. 

But Leona didn't hate you. Maybe it would be better if he did.

He snatched your wrist, and began walking the three of you towards a car you hadn't noticed before. He opened the car door, and shoved you inside, getting in behind you. Then he handed you your son.

You hesitated to take him, and he grinned.

"I'd hold him now. It's going to be an awfully long time before you can even look at him again."

You knew Ruggie couldn't afford to come find you. Especially when you were hiding in the Queendom of Roses.

So you'd quietly raised your son there. You'd reunited with Ace, and rekindled the friendship you'd lost when Ruggie started to hoard you. You'd fallen in love. Gotten married. He'd adopted your son as his own.

You came home from work one day, and found him lying motionless at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ace!" You screamed, rolling him over and feeling for a pulse. Nothing. You looked for any marks, any sign of an intruder, but nothing. 

Your son. Where was he? He should be at home, he had a project that was due tomorrow. Where was he? 

You stood up and began to run up the stairs, but your body froze, before slowly turning around. And there he was.

"Leona already took our son home, shi hi hi."

Leona. You were so stupid. Of course he'd go to Leona. If anything, the fact it took so long to find you was a shock.

He shoved Ace's body with his foot, your foot moving in time to his, still being trapped in his spell. You used all your muscles to stay upright, nearly falling down the stairs with your lack of balance.

"I always hated him. Loud. Stupid. Couldn't mind his own business," he hummed, looking back up at you. "Did you leave me for him, or did he come later? Doesn't matter. Either way, you've really hurt my feelings."

He paused, his brow furrowing, actually looking angry for the first time. "We're going home, Y/N."

He turned and walked out the door, you following him, until he reached a black car. He turned, placed cuffs on you, then released you from the spell, pulling you into the car.

"I know you missed me, babe," he hummed, moving so he was sitting right next to you, resting his head on your shoulder. "And I would have come sooner, but Leona's an ass. Made me promise to calm down first so that I didn't accidentally hurt you or the boy."

He groaned. "He was probably right. I never thought I'd find a lover, or be a dad, and then both things were gone in a day. He didn't have to wait so long though. I calmed down in the first year."

You thought back to Ace's body at the bottom of the stairs. If that was calm….

"Where's my son?"

He laughed.

"He doesn't get to be your son. Not until you can be my partner again."

"That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair, baby! My entire life has been an unfair shit show. So now it's time to do something for me! It's my turn to get something I want."

His smile came back to his face, and he giggled. The years must not have been kind to his mind.

"Now, if you can prove that you can be a good little spouse, then I'll let you prove you can be a good parent. You also owe Leona. It's thanks to him I could come get you. How are you at secretary work?"

He continued to chat about all the things you had to do to make it up to him and Leona. You don't know when, but at some point silent tears started rolling down your face. 

And Ruggie laughed.

It wasn't until the day he'd brought home your son that you'd even realized what kind of a life you lived now. He never hurt you, physically. But the terror of the outside world he'd instilled in you…

And his family hadn't helped. They'd gifted jack the second floor of their home so that you could start your family, but still remain close to “the pack”. 

His parents stayed with you everyday, while he went out to work with his brothers and sisters. They'd tell you all the stories of how happy they were, how wolf beast men mated for life, how you would also be so so so happy. 

You would always just smile and nod. Even if you thought you were happy, you couldn't hold back the uneasy feeling every time they spoke of "forever".

And as you held your son, and realized you hadn't left the house in three years, you had lost all your connections, and you had a crippling fear fill your stomach whenever Jack wasn't home. And with that realization, came the secondary realization that you'd only begun to live this way, when you moved in with Jack after graduation.

It was the one day you knew everyone, including his parents, would be gone.

So why was it that you were now hiding in an alley, praying that your son wouldn't wake up, and alert a pack of hunting wolves to your presence? You were grateful they weren't real wolves, or they would have smelled you by now. As it was, Jack always mentioned you had such a unique scent that he could find you anywhere. You hoped that was just something he liked to say.

You hadn't seen any of them pass your alley in a while, so you took a shuddering breath, and peaked out into the street. 

It was quiet. But they were nearby. You weighed your options. If you ran, you might get to a safe house, or find a cab, before they could catch you. But they'd definitely hear your steps, and Jack was an incredible runner.

Or you could walk quietly, and hide in alleys here and there. But that would take time. Time where they could find you. Time where a friend of the family could spot you, and call someone.

If you could get somewhere with a pay phone, you could call Vil and explain the situation. You were told he grew up in the area. But if he sided with Jack, he'd lead you on the wrong path, or worse, set his fans to detain you while you waited for Jack to get there.

If you knew Ace's phone number, you knew he'd get you out of there. Yes, you'd get an I told you so speech, but he wouldn't think twice about saving you.

Too bad Jack took your phone and contact book for “your health”.

You heard a soft sigh from the boy in your arms, and looked down in momentary fear. Just sighing. Not awake. Good.

You looked back up, mentally trying to figure out where a phone was, and were met with a pair of glowing gold eyes, staring from across the street.

You ran.

You never really stood a chance, even if you could anywhere compare to Jack's unparalleled abilities, holding a child in your arms made it impossible to win.

You felt his arms wrap around your body and hold you tight.

“It's okay, I've got you. You're safe now.”

You must have really scared him. He didn't usually say so many words at a time.

You let out a sob, and he gently rocked you side to side for a moment, whispering how it was okay, you were safe, he's sorry he wasn't there to protect you.

At some point, he must have gotten his dad's attention, because Mr. Howl was gently prying your son from your arms, so that Jack could scoop you up and carry you home.

[sytoran]

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟎𝟎𝟓 — 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀

kinktober day 005 | mermaid!wanda x pirate!reader

as captain of a notorious gang of pirates, you've got a reputation of steel, but when there's a pretty little mermaid presenting herself for you, there's no chance in hell you're not saying yes.

cont. sweet talk, begging, humiliation, overstimulation word count. 2178

kinktober masterlist || main masterlist

“Righto, fellas, so we got sixty ducats – twenty doubloons, is it?” Bucky asks lackadaisically, tossing gold coins up and down with his good hand. 

A loud guffaw surrounds the group of you huddled around the campfire. You shake your head with a toothy grin at your right-hand man’s idiocy. Even the least educated pirates in your gang knew what sixty divided by two was.

You reach over and knock the side of Bucky’s head with your bloodied knuckles. “That brain cavity wouldn’t make a drinkin’ cup for a canary, buddy.” 

“Aw, kiss my boot, ya fuckin’ cunt-licker,” the dark-haired man grumbles in response, still playing with his shiny gold coins. He playfully punches your arm his prosthetic one.

In record timing, you whip out your dagger from your cow-skin belt and pierce the hole in Bucky’s coin midair, pinning the coin to the nearest tree with a deadly aim.

“Cunt-licker is right,” you say smugly, going to ruffle Bucky’s already shaggy hair. The impressed hoots and jeering taunts at your dagger-throwing skills are all good-hearted, as is the general atmosphere within your gang.

The lot of you were specialists in your craft, the most formidable and deadly in the piracy industry. Five years ago, you had claimed the largest plot of land that was the very island you lived on with your mates. Tu’Au was surrounded by the freshest of ocean water and the most gorgeous of views.

There was also a legend of the mystical mermaids that lived beneath Tu’Au, but you didn’t believe any of that bosh and bullshit about supernatural creatures. You’d believe it when you saw one with your very own eyes.

“Yall’ finish up counting our loot for the day, I’m gonna take a walk by the shore,” you say, adjusting the piece of tobacco between your lips and then dusting off your pants. “Don’t let Buck do the counting.”

“Got it, boss,” Steve answers promptly, ever the loyal one. Bucky rolls his eyes.

Loveable idiots, you think, tossing your hat to the side. Strolling away from the main camp, you finally take a deep inhale of that tobacco, smoke trailing off into the orange sunset.

As you walk along the shore, bare feet on the wet sand, you look up and close your eyes. It was times like these that were simple, times like these that you never wanted to end—

“I said, get away from me! Please, just leave me alone!”

A feminine, desperate cry from the distant ocean has you blinking open your eyes in sudden alertness, darting to the source of the sound.

From a short distance to shore, there is chaos occurring within the waters. What seems to be a muscular, bare-chested man is swimming inhumanly fast towards a significantly smaller-sized woman with long, cascading hair. 

Though both of them certainly spoke like regular humans, there was a certain way about their moving in the waters and tremendous presence that had you second-guessing yourself.

“Get back here, you good for nothin’! You’ll make up your mind when I fuckin’ want you to!”

He’s yelling foul words at her, catching up to her already, clearly incredibly unpleased. Suddenly, the man dives down, and you catch sight of a shimmering blue tail above the waters before it disappears.

Hang on a damn moment. Merfolk are real?

But before your brain can process what you truly just saw, the merman reemerges much closer to the mermaid, massive gold spear in a vice grip.

As if a gear was kicked into motion, you sprint towards the water. Kicking up water as you run through the shallow part of the ocean, you stumble but never slow down, eyes set on the target. It’s prey-or-predator right now, either conquer the enemy or die trying.

The said target has got the mermaid in his massive arms, wrapping around her torso and forcefully dragging her back into the deep waters. Her strangled cries get muffled by the water, cries and pleas ringing in your ears.

Just before you dive into the water, your hand flies to that trusty weapon holster, and a sharp dagger flies at the merman with an air-cutting, brutal force. “Y/N bullseye L/N,” you remember Bucky saying with a stupid grin on his face. “Never misses a shot.”

A millisecond before your plunge into the ocean, the stunning blue eyes of the mermaid meet yours, and you lose all the air in your lungs.

You’ve never seen anything like it, never laid your eyes upon such a breathtaking beauty before. Blue eyes deeper than the depths of the ocean, sparkling more than the brightest of glimmering stars, 

An agonized cry from the merman hauls you out of your trance. The dagger struck him directly in the right eye, just as expected, just as you had calculated. Opaque red blood comes out in spurts, and his hands release the mermaid and go to clutch at his eye.

Your arms glide in the water, smooth and cutting, bringing you closer to the struggling pair. 

Seizing the moment of the merman’s distractedness, you wrap your arms around the mermaid. You immediately notice the way she sinks into your embrace, head drooping to lean against your chest as you struggle to move through the water.

You really try to not think too hard about the lithe body in your arms. It was proving to be an incredibly difficult task.

After your hell of an escapade, you have the mermaid girl propped up against the wet rocks. It takes a while for you to notice that you’re on all fours above her, panting heavily with wide eyes and a drenched white shirt.

When you do realise it, though, you get off her immediately, clearing your throat awkwardly. So much for being a scary pirate.

“You alright?” you ask instead, fiddling with the collar of your white shirt. It had gotten drenched while you were in the water, along with all your clothes and your hair.

You were having a hard time trying to avoid looking at her chest since it was literally in front of you.

“You saved me,” the mermaid finally speaks, eyelashes wet with drops of water, her voice softer and sweeter than you could ever have imagined. You get a bit lost in the delicacy of her red lips as she stares back at you.

“Right,” you answer, your throat suddenly dry. 

“What is your name, human?” the mermaid asks, hand going to stroke at the curvature of your jawline that was dotted with droplets of water. The touch was honey-like.

“Y/N. How ‘bout you?”

“Wanda.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“Prettier than me?”

“No,” you answer a little too quickly, voice a little hoarser than before. Your eyes dart around to focus on anything but the ethereal mermaid before you, but soon they land on a wound at her tail.

“Oh, shucks, you’re bleeding. I’ll go get bandages an’ stuff from base,” you say, looking at the nasty wound on the tip of Wanda’s tail, incarnadine blood leaking out of it.

“Don’t go,” the mermaid suddenly says, and there’s this little begging lilt to her voice that messes up your brain chemistry. “I mean, mermaids have healing properties, so you don’t have to go,” she mumbles, looking away with her cheeks flushed. Cute.

“That’s cool,” you answer, leaning back to let your hands run over the tip of her tail. Just like she said, the wound heals itself, slowly stitching back that scaly-smooth skin with a magical touch.

You give her tail a long stroke, running your fingers through the little scales that decorate this new thing you’d like to explore.

“Hng,” a little whimper suddenly escapes from the mermaid, and the both of you freeze. It’s a fine line between comedy and erotica.

You rub at her tail again, harder this time, and Wanda lets out a louder moan. 

You start massaging her tail, hands spreading out over the sensitive area, kneading gently. Wanda’s face is absolutely flushed, eyes screwed shut in pleasure, the prettiest thing you’d ever seen.

“Kiss me?” she asks, breathlessly, and you don’t have to be told twice.

Warm mouths meet in an inferno of lust, Wanda’s head tilting up to meet yours, your head tilting down to chase hers. The moment you taste the sweetness of her lips, a trigger is flicked inside of your brain, and your body kicks it into overdrive.

Your hands tug off the seashell bra with unbridled haste, flinging it behind you without a care in the world. Wanda squeaks against your lips at your sudden boldness, hands going to encircle the back of your neck.

But that’s before you’re grabbing both her wrists with one hand and pinning it above her head against the wet rock. She moans as your lips make their way down the column of her porcelain, leaving red hickeys into the pale canvas like it was a work of art.

It was true, to a certain extent, because this mermaid before you was a work of art: brown hair splayed onto the wet rock like something out of a Renaissance painting, water droplets across her eyelids, breathing and panting your name, hips moving helplessly under your stronger body, trying to chase a fraction of the pleasure that you’re dangling out of reach.

Your mouth latches on to her supple breasts with eagerness, lips wrapping around her hardened bud. Wanda lets out a shriek when you suck on it, hard. As a mermaid, the sensations and emotions that they felt were many times that of a human, and you were making it no easier for her.

“N-Need you,” Wanda pleads, when you flick at her other pretty pink nipple, admiring how her body arches along with the sensation. 

“Need me where?” you ask, a lust-coated rasp in your voice, edged with a tone of teasing that has Wanda’s head spinning. 

You finally release her hands, and Wanda grabs your right hand with certainty, sliding it down her shuddering body and scaled tail to where a pussy would be.

Instead, your fingertips find a hot, wet, slit.

“Fuck,” you growl into Wanda’s skin, lost in the sheer thoughts of how much you could ruin her.

“Please?” Wanda begs again, giving you the biggest doe eyes she could. You didn’t need any convincing, anyway.

“All this for me?” You ask, ruthlessly plunging two fingers into her dripping slit. It’s warm and wet, and so tight. Your fingers explore, straightening out then curling in, going in big circles then in smaller ones.

All through your unabashed exploration of Wanda’s cunt, the pretty little mermaid is left completely at your mercy. She’s writhing, never been touched like this before.

“S’ too, too much,” she babbles incoherently when you slide a third finger in, thrusting in and out of her gorgeous little cunt like it’d be the last time you’d get to do this. Because in all honesty, it might be.

That thought alone spurs you on to go even faster, playing with Wanda’s body like a fiddle, making all the right noises with the right fingerings.

“Y/N,” she cries, long fingernails ripping the back of your vest to shreds. You don’t give a damn about it.

Turns out, mermaids have several sweet spots, because you’re finding all of them and breaking her with it.

“Gonna cum already?” you ask, “Needy little thing, hm? Couldn’t even wait five minutes?” Wanda tries to shake her head, but your other hand is stroking the length of her tail.

“Come f’me, sweet thing.”

Those words send her over the edge, snapping the knot that had been building in her belly.

“Y/N!” Wanda screams, a melodious tune, hands clawing at the edges of the rocks, then the back of your neck, all while her head is thrown back. Her tail is flapping in a state of no control, lost in the pleasure you’re feeding her.

Acknowledging the delicious tightening of Wanda’s mermaid slit around your three fingers, you opt to instead go at an even faster pace, fingers thrusting deeper into her body, because you wanted every inch of it.

“Y/N,” Wanda sobs, because she sees stars. Those brilliant blue eyes getting teary with your relentless pace. The tears escape the corners of her eyes and cascade down her cheeks like a waterfall.

It’s a sight you’d imprint into your memory forever, when Wanda’s ocean blue eyes roll into the back of her head and her little mermaid body goes limp in your arms.

You admire her for many moments, at how she had made you fuck her silly, at how she was yours now.

—

“Why’re you smilin’ like a baked possum?” Bucky asks you once you head back to camp. It’s early the next day, still dark out in the wide seas. He’s sprawled out on a wide hammock, sharpening a knife. Steve is cuddled into his chest.

Your lips curve into a stupidly smug smirk. “Not that you would know a dime about pussy, but remember what you said about cunt-lickers?”

kinktober masterlist || main masterlist

[itsss4t4n]

I want to play with Percy’s hair until he forgets the weight of the world 😭😭😭 my man fr (fem!reader)

Peace - Percy Jackson x fem!reader

warning: established relationship,percy is a spiderman fan

a/n: I LOVE PERCY SO MUCH OMG! That man deserves some peace istg.

It was the end of July. A few days before the summer session of camp ended and Percy would go back to school while you stayed at camp.

You had had a rather uneventful summer for once and just enjoyed being together, which is why you were now sitting at the beach, his head in your lap. Annabeth and Grover had left about 30 minutes ago, leaving the two of you to watch the sunset by yourself.

Percy had been rather quiet for the last 10 minutes when you decided to ask him about it.

"Hey Perce?"  He hummed in reply not taking his eyes of the waves infront of you.

"You're being uncharacteristicly quiet. Whats going on in that pretty head of yours?"

He finally shifted his eyes from the water up to your face. His brows slightly furrowed in worry and anxiety.

"Dont you think this summer was way to quiet?" You looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He reached his Hand up to grab yours, that was resting on your knee next to his head, and intertwined is fingers with yours. 

"Just... since i first came to camp i've not had a single year that we didnt have to, essentially, save the world. This just doesnt feel right. I just keep thinking that something is gonna happen."

Your face softens in understanding. Smiling, you reach your other hand down to his hair, softly running you fingers through the black strands, slightly scratching his scalp with your nails.

"I know what you mean. This is really the first year we've had actual peace. But i think we should take advantage of that. Who knows when we'll get this again. Worrying wont do us any good. We should relax while we can. If something does happen, well take care of it when the time comes. Like we always do. Try to relax Darling." 

He hummed again, sighing at the feeling of your hands in his hair. He had always loved when you did that. It wasnt unusual for him to ask you to do it when he was stressed or anxious. It calmed him down more than anything else.

You smile softly, before leaning down to press a soft, upside down kiss to his lips. Percy grinned when you pulled back. 

"Really? The spiderman kiss?" You rolled your eyes playfully. Percy loved spiderman and you had watched his favorite one just a few days ago. "Oh shush."

Chuckling to himself he relaxed back against your legs closing his eyes as you continued to run your fingers through his hair. Your other hand, still holding Percys, was laying against his chest now, right over his heart.

You looked down at him, his bbody and face starting to look more relaxed by the second, smiling to yourself. Your hand tracing over his nose, starting from the tip, smoothing over the worried crease between his eyebrows, up to his forehead before slipping into his hair again. 

Hair that now, in the almost gone sunlight, shimmered with a slight purplish tint. The normal blue undertone of his black hair mixing with the red light from the sinking sun. It looked good.

At this point percy started to drift of to a state between awake and asleep, finally looking relaxed and you shifted you eyes up to the calm water of the long island sound, glowing orange, the sun almost fully gone now. You smiled to yourself thinking of how far youve come and how lucky you were to be here. With your boyfriend and your two best friends. 

You squeezed percys hand with yours, feeling him squeeze back despite not being fully awake.

You were glad that you could make him relax like this. His worry melting away this easily. You felt honoured to be that person for him. 

"I love you Percy" You mumbled no expecting the half asleep waterboy in your lap to even hear you.

Despite that he mumbled back in a daze. "I love you too Sweetheart"

You really were lucky.

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU pt 67

part 1 | part 66 | ao3

cw: recreational drug use

Waiting around to die or get arrested or whatever fucking sucks. Partly because there’s no running water (Steve’s never wanted to take a stress shower so badly in his life) and partly because Eddie won’t let him stay sober. Has it in his head that altering Steve’s mental state will keep Vecna away, like hanging a mosquito net over the opening of a tent.

It’s not not working, he guesses.

He hasn’t fallen in to any more hallucinated open graves, at least.

He comes down the stairs a little before noon, towel-drying his hair after a bottled water sink bath, and finds Eddie in the kitchen: Reeboks on, hair a cotton candy mess, head-to-toe teddy bear tie-dye under his leather jacket — a matching shirt and sweats that he fished out of Rick’s dresser. He’s stirring Spaghettios in a small pot at the stove, and when he sees Steve come in he turns to offer some, the wooden spoon held out with a sort of desperate perkiness. “Morning! I found food that isn’t expired. You want some?”

Steve shakes his head.

Eddie shovels the whole spoonful into his mouth; wipes sauce off his chin, speaks before he’s finished chewing. “I also found blotters in the freezer and shrooms in the bedroom closet, so uh. Pick your poison.”

Steve picks the shrooms. They wait a few hours to take them because Eddie swears the sunset while you’re tripping is unparalleled, man, although Steve kind of suspects that he’s just giving him time to work up the nerve to eat them. He still gets nervous about chemicals — probably always will, after the shit the Russians did.

In the meantime, Eddie rummages through Rick’s cassette collection, and Steve talks to Robin on the walkie; gets all the new details in staticky half-sentences — something about mind flayers and mental hospitals, what else is new? He tells her to be safe; tells her that he loves her; keeps his eyes trained on the clock.

—

Shrooms smell and taste like ass. Steve can’t stomach them; spits into the grass while Eddie laughs sympathetically and hands him a little square of paper to put on his tongue instead, and they spread out side by side on a few old beach towels by the water and wait for it to kick in.

Nothing, at first, not that Steve expected different. Twenty minutes; forty-five.

“Still nothing?”

“Nothing.”

And then.

Eddie holds up a glossy aquamarine pebble, squinting at its glow in the late afternoon sun. “I should give this rock to Skye. Bet she’d love it.”

“That’s a shard of glass.”

Eddie blinks at it. “Oh, shit.”

Steve snorts, and when he looks at Eddie sideways there’s a glimmer of that same cerulean shade outlining his whole body, a low-frequency feather of energy rolling off of him in waves. Eddie moves his arm and the color chases it, a long-exposure photo of high beams on rain-slick roads.

“Oh,” Steve says, mouth slack. His voices echo in his head; all six of them. “I think I’m…”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, eyes alight, pupils blown.

“Yeah.”

All at once something slots into place, attunes itself inside of Steve, and it’s like… he can see Eddie’s mind; touch it, cradle it, reach out to it with its own. It feels crazy. Psychedelics are fucking crazy. He reaches out a hand, slicing through ribbons of shimmering light, tasting the colors as they fade, and Eddie’s emotions spread out in high-definition before him — like the image has always been there but now it’s crystal clear; someone’s shifted his focal point, filled a kiddie pool with Epsom salt and left him there to float.

“I see you,” he says nonsensically.

Eddie frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“…That I can see you?”

“I usually am.”

That’s not right. Eddie’s thoughts shouldn’t sour on his account, shouldn’t sag in the middle like a moldy tangerine. “I can close my eyes?”

“Fuck,” Eddie laughs, thin and strained. “Don’t say shit like that when I’m not allowed to kiss you.”

“You’re not?”

He hesitates. “Am I?” Antsy fingers drum the grass, overgrown with vibrant clover and dandelion stalks. “Just feel like we should talk first, if uh, if it’s safe.”

Steve probes his own mind, tests it for outside threats, but there’s nothing. The acid forms a fractal fortress. Penrose steps, paradoxical and strange. “It’s safe.”

He moves to lie on his side, invites Eddie to do the same. “Talk into the kiss,” he suggests when Eddie joins him — face to face, chest to chest, Steve can see the thrum of Eddie’s heartbeat in the hollow of his throat; wants to press his thumb to it, so he does, the sense memory of ripe cherries bursting on his tongue.

Eddie’s lips against his own; hovering. Static electricity like the scent of summer rain. “I think my pride makes me a coward.”

Steve rubs his dry lips across Eddie’s, chapped skin and shared heat.

“It’s like… I kept trying to tell myself that I was being… I don’t know, valiant, or some shit? Like, ‘oh, he’s so much better without me. I’m the town pariah; I’m keeping him safe by running away.’” He thumps his fist against his heart as if beating a shield to shining armor, and Steve can’t see his eyebrows with their foreheads pressed together, but he can feel Eddie scrunching them into a picture-perfect hero frown. Almost has to laugh — so fucking theatrical even when he’s serious.

“But if I’m honest,” Eddie murmurs, “it wasn’t like that at all. Nothing fucking brave about vanishing on you. Like, what?” His voice shifts again, lilting but critical, a comedian doing crowd work. “I get a liiiittle fucked up by townies two too many times, and I sabotage my whole life over it? Ruin the best thing I’ve ever had over it? As if this goddamn horseshit hasn’t been happening to me since— forever! Shit.” He blows his bangs out of his face; calms himself. Goes a little cross-eyed trying to look Steve in the eye. “I got scared, Steve. There it is. That’s the ugly truth of it.”

He swallows harshly in the dense silence that follows.

Robins chirp; cars pass.

The lake laps at the shore and casts prisms like fishing line, spiderwebs of rainbow light flashing behind Steve’s eyelids. He brings his hands up to Eddie’s face.

“Christ.” Eddie shudders; lets himself become dead weight, rubbing his cheek into the touch, warm stubble scratching over the pads of Steve’s fingers. “Am I making any sense? I feel like I’m not making any sense.”

Yes. No. “You’re making sense. I mean. As much as anything is right now.” The sandy brown freckles on the bridge of Eddie’s nose are swirling like snow flurries. Steve traces them with curious hands. His knuckles blur and swivel, too. “You left because… you wanted to protect me from… yourself?” He sums up, not sure if he’s getting the math right.

“I left because I’m a scared little shit who couldn’t handle getting bullied in a parking lot, but uh. Yeah. I guess I, like, didn’t want to…” His eyes go big and startled, cheeks flooding bright pink. “Oh, shit, I was about to say I didn’t want to curse you, Jesus Christ.”

Steve honks with laughter. Loud and deep and punched out without warning, because the irony of that — that there’s a literal big bad running around cursing people, and the person who was actually doing some real good in his life decided that he was the problem — it’s fucking— hilarious! Hysterical! Steve giggles himself sick, lungs burning as it tapers to a silent wheeze, and Eddie joins him, confusion giving way to compulsion; contagion in the manic giddiness spewing out of Steve.

“You thought—” Steve struggles through hiccups, tears beading in his lash line, “you thought you were the bad luck charm in this relationship?”

“Don’t mock me!” Eddie whines, still laughing. “I already said it was dumb.”

“It’s so dumb.” Eddie may be the cutest, dumbest thing he’s ever seen. He rubs his thumbs over his cheekbones, smile fading. “If anyone’s a curse, it’s me.” Four for four here on getting dragged into supernatural shit. Does Eddie really think homophobes are more dangerous than hell dimensions?

Eddie’s already shaking his head. “You’re a fucking blessing.”

Warmth radiates through Steve, drips from the crown of his head like a downpour of holy water. He feels anointed. Ascended. He feels— “Please tell me we’re allowed to kiss now.”

Their mouths crush together, impossible to tell who moves first, whose tongue is in whose mouth, whose desperate breath Steve swallows as Eddie rolls him onto his back. Hands roam and pull and clutch, molding the shape of him into the earth. Maybe someday, Steve thinks, if aliens invade, they’ll study these imprints like crop circles, trampled declarations of how much Steve loves this boy. “God,” he gasps into the kiss. “Missed you so much.”

“So much.”

“Don’t do that to me again. Don’t go.”

“Never,” Eddie swears. His grip tightens on Steve’s waist. “Never again, baby, I fucking promise. I think I—”

On the far side of the house, leaves crunch and branches snap as a car pulls up the drive. Boots on pavement, rowdy voices; unfamiliar; red alert.

“Spread out, boys!” the voice of Jason Carver bellows. “If that Freak’s in here, we’ll find him.”

—

part 68

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[infinitevisions]

A Lesson (To Both of Us)

Pairing: Crosshair x Gender-Neutral Reader Summary: Crosshair decides to play games on you while teaching you how to snipe, but his plan quickly backfires. Word Count: 1,024 Tags: Crosshair teasing you, unresolved sexual tension, this isn't smut but it's somewhat spicey, wrote this with clone wars Crosshair in mind but imagine whatever era you want!! there is eventual fluff!! Notes: this is my FIRST X READER EVER, so if it's not good please bear with me!! crosshair enjoyers you deserve the world so i hope yall enjoy this

“I just don’t think this is in the cards for me.” You groaned. You stood in the training range with Crosshair's firearm, surprised he even allowed you to use it, even with his surveillance. While you had fired some rounds on the target, the gun grew too heavy and caused discomfort in your shoulders. You had no idea how he did this for a living. Crosshair groaned and used his leg as momentum to rise off the wall he was leaning against.

“So dramatic.” Crosshair remarked as he approached you. Before speaking, his augmented eyes scanned you up and down. It felt like a perfect circumstance for him to test the waters. The stage was set and the fruit was ripe for the taking.

“You’re in the wrong position.” He stated. Your neck was too far forward, straining your muscles, your legs were too close together, and your arms should exchange positions. You felt your breath hitch at the statement, but you attempted to ignore your filthy mind. Crosshair caught your chest stutter and cracked a grin.

“You’re too tense,” he added. “You need to loosen up.”

“Okay… mind showing me, wise one?” You joked, attempting to conceal the fact that your heart was pounding just from hearing his voice. But Crosshair wasn't dumb. He knew just how his voice affected you. He decided to add fuel to the fire. He threw his toothpick aside before getting to work.

“You need to spread your legs.” He drew back, keeping his gaze fixed on your face to watch how you reacted, whether you enjoyed this. If he detected any uncomfortable body language, he would stop instantly.

Luckily for him, he noticed your throat bob as you swallowed spit. Your legs separated, and you assumed a more solid stance. He observed you intently as you were doing so.

“How’s this? This alright?” You searched for more confirmation. He spotted a window of opportunity. He gave you a quick once-over before starting.

“Mind if I… show you?” He inquired before figuratively taking his shot. You finally shifted your attention to him, relaxing your grasp on the rifle for a moment. You took in his small grin and exhaled. You were curious about where he was headed with this.

“Of course.”

Crosshair's eyes shimmered with hunger.

He approached you from behind, pressing his armored chest against your unarmored but clothed back. He took his hands and placed them upon yours, guiding your hands to the appropriate positions. He focused his gaze just past your left ear. His breath fanned over your ear, and you continued to breathe deeply but sought to mask it.

“Much better now, isn’t it?” Crosshair asked smoothly, feeling your hands tremble beneath his.

“Y–Yeah. Lots. Feels amazing.” You tried lightly teasing back. He chuckled before speaking.

“Now, take a look around. Are you vulnerable?” He inquired as he felt your back compress against his chest and swell with every breath you took.

You certainly felt vulnerable. It was unexpected for Crosshair to be so close to you, yet it turned out to be one of the most outstanding experiences of your existence. The sunset made the most beautiful swirl of hues in the sky, and normally, you would take it in and appreciate it, but there's nothing quite like the sensation of having Crosshair against you.

However, it's important to note that his question was simply, are you a current target?

“N–No, uh… I don’t see anyone aiming at me.” You stated.

“Mm-hmm.” He rumbled into your ear, and your legs nearly buckled at the sound. For what amount of time would he continue to pursue this? How much more of you crumbling did he need to see before he was satisfied? Before you further spiraled into your thoughts, you heard Crosshair inhale to say his next words of wisdom.

“Try taking another shot for me.”

For him. For him. The words rang in your brain as you gently placed your finger over the trigger. He was whispering in your ear– right in the open for everyone to see. It drove you crazy. It was your primary motive for shooting the objective. You inhaled before pulling the trigger and giving it hell.

You blasted a straight shot to the target's forehead.

Despite your distraction from Crosshair, you felt quite proud of yourself and puffed out a little chuckle. However, you remained still since Crosshair remained motionless as well.

“Very good.” Crosshair purred in your ear, his tone dulcet as honey.

You couldn’t hold back the whimper that manifested after he said that. It was quiet, but Crosshair still picked up on it. Like he always did. Like he always would. You gathered yourself together, stepped away from him, and looked upward at his face. He also took a step back, allowing you some room.

You couldn't help but reflect carefully on everything as you took in the atmosphere. You trained with the guidance of Crosshair. It was unknown to you if it was for his own pleasure, but as soon as you realized the magnitude of the situation, a smile spread across your face. 

“It was all thanks to you,” You said softly. Even though he riled you up, you were honored that he trained you how to snipe. Crosshair’s sharp demeanor slowly dropped, shocked at your genuine gratitude. When he saw your grin, he didn't know why blood shot to his brain and caused dizziness. It frustrated him as he began to feel overwhelmed. The fact that your enchanting grin was the only thing on his mind just made him angrier.

You held the weapon out for him to take back. He looked down at your hands on his rifle and saw how soft they were in comparison to his. After taking the gun, he broke eye contact and turned around so his back was to you. He chose to dismiss any other possibilities as the source of his condition and put the blame entirely on being ill. Despite his lingering fear that it wasn't what it was.

“Don’t mention it.” Crosshair said sheepishly, struggling to ignore the warm sensation inside his chest.

[yanderes-galore]

Hi! can I request platonic yandere Luna and Celestia with a reformed antagonist darling who regrets their actions?

Ooo! I like this idea...! Sorry it's short, I ran out of ideas :(

Yandere! Platonic! Princess Luna + Celestia with Reformed! Darling

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Slight stalking, Manipulation, Forced companionship.

I feel this has endless possibilities when it comes to darling.

You could be a tyrannical Alicorn... a possessive dragon... really anything.

You no doubt caused terror and fought the ponies of Equestria one point in time.

But like most villains... you were bested by the Mane Six.

Through them you began to learn more about the value of friendship and alliances based on close bonds.

Eventually with Twilight you go to meet Celestia and Luna.

In your past you may have fought the two princesses.

To complete your reformation you meet with them again beside the Princess of Friendship.

The encounter is awkward at first but eventually it gets better.

In fact... both princesses seem to welcome you with warm greetings.

But something doesn't quite seem right.

For the sake of this concept I'm going to say you used to be a tyrannical ruler (either an alicorn or unicorn) who ruled your kingdom with an iron hoof.

The two princesses knew about you from when you fought long before.

But as they watch you begin to treat your subjects better and with more respect... the two respect you more.

They even grow closer when you talk to them, admitting to them that you were blinded by your rage, greed, and the need to protect your ponies.

To them you are no longer their enemy and bow your head to them.

I feel there's two ways their obsession could go two directions while platonic.

If you were also an alicorn they may see you more like a long lost sibling that they must correct.

After all, Luna is technically a reformed antagonist too.

If you're a unicorn they are more likely to see you like some sort of student that can correct like Sunset Shimmer.

Either way the two princesses definitely try to help you during your reformation.

They are present when you address your subjects at times to get them used to you again.

You often meet with the princesses to take lessons and strengthen your bond with them.

As a result they begin to grow attached once you are reformed.

Now you are a much better leader completely purified from all your negative emotions and thoughts.

You no longer see them as enemies... but allies.

Naturally as most platonic yandere go the two keep an eye on you and are protective of you.

The two are playful with you at times and you're surprised that they see you as a friend.

Celestia has always been forgiving, however.

Luna trusts her judgement.

Most of your time ends up with them and Twilight.

Although it starts transitioning to just them at some point.

The two try to be subtle with their obsession but they are definitely manipulating you the longer you're around them.

They make you feel like they are the only ones who can redeem you.

Soon... maybe you shouldn't even rule over your subjects.

A replacement can be found...

You should just stay with them...

After all... they think you're not reformed fully quite yet.

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Can I please a smut with dom siren!seonghwa?

I love the concept of a siren with him,

And I mean like the mermaid type of siren.

Thank you!!

Mommy

siren!hwa x fem reader

Trigger warnings: none that i can think of!

Content warnings: names (baby, my love, angel, mommy sorry not sorry he’s so mother), choking, oral (f receiving), very mild breeding kink, hwa uses his powers for sex good idk i just liked the idea lmao

Summary: your boyfriend just wants to reward you

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: bestie i’m so sorry this took so long but oooooh lord. anyways. two in a little over one week after being on hiatus? not too shabby. also decided to try something a little different with the pov so lmk what you all think! enjoy my loves! 🥰

Tags: @bahng-chrizz @foxinnie8

Smut below the cut

I let out a soft sigh as I curled up in my chair, looking out over the water. Sitting with my knees to my chest, I sipped my tea from my favorite mug as I watched the sunset. I’d inherited my brother’s beach house, which was settled in a quaint coastal town, a few months ago and had finally gotten settled into a routine. Every evening, I’d sit on my private dock and watch the sky turn shades of orange and pink before heading inside once the moon graced me with her beauty.

After a short while, I saw the very end of a tail pop out of the water before quickly dipping back below the surface. I smiled softly and stood, placing my tea on the table. I’d always loved watching the fishes and wanted to get a closer look. I’d never seen one with such a large tail in this area. How big could this thing be?

I walked to the edge of the dock and stared out at the water, trying to spot the fish again when I saw a brief splash only a few yards away. Excited, I laid down on my stomach and dipped a hand into the water. It was coming towards me.

But what greeted me a moment later was not a massive fish. It was the face of a man. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen, in fact. And he was emerging from the water, his face mere inches from mine. His hair was slicked back and water droplets ran down face, eventually dripping from his nose and chin. His lips were full and his cheekbones were high. He had a strong brow and curious, sparkling eyes. He looked elegant. Princely. Soft.

Of course, I couldn’t help but let out a scream as I scrambled back. “What the fuck?!” I shouted as I jumped to my feet.

“Who are you?” He tilted his head as he reached for the edge of the dock.

“Who am I? Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Seonghwa. I’ve seen you here before. Who are you? Where is the man who lives here?” My heart sank at his question and I frowned.

“I’m y/n. That man was my brother. He died and left me the house.” I said quietly, looking out at the horizon. “How did you know him?”

“He died?” The man, Seonghwa, looked alarmed as he started to hoist himself out of the water with wide eyes. “How? When? He said he’d come back.” He sounded frantic. Panicked.

“He was sick. It’s been about six months now.” I paused, crossing my arms over my chest. “But you didn’t answer my question. How did you know my brother?”

He paused when he was halfway out of the water and I noticed something shimmering on his body, a few inches below his belly button. “He was a friend. He saved me and in return I gave him company. We spent much time here on the dock.”

“He never mentioned that…” I said warily, backing away a few steps.

“I asked him to keep my existence a secret.”

“Why?”

“You remind me of him.” He suddenly changed the subject with a dazzling smile that left me breathless. Was my mind playing tricks on me or were his teeth just a bit too sharp to seem human? “He was just as guarded the first time we met. He saved me but then interrogated me for hours. I was a captive audience as I was injured but the conversation grew lighthearted once he was satisfied with my answers. He asked many questions. You do too.”

“It’s only natural to ask questions when a strange man emerges from the water and says he knew my late brother.” I rolled my eyes, fighting not to grin. The situation was bizarre not to laugh.

“You seem to have the same temperament as him too.” He hummed, seemingly deciding on something. “I can trust you then. But you have to keep my secret.” And with that, he jumped out of the water. I expected the secret to be that he was a local who went skinny dipping for shits and giggles but I stood in stunned silence when I saw a shimmering blue-green tail. The same tail I’d seen splash out of the water only a few minutes prior. He had fins on his forearms that I hadn’t noticed before and one running down his upper back that stopped halfway down his spine as well, all of them the same deep teal as his tail. His beauty was terrifying and would surely haunt me for a long while. Maybe even the rest of my life.

“Y-you…you- what the FUCK?!”

“Shh!” He brought a finger to his lips and I clamped my mouth shut, looking around to make sure none of my neighbors were outside. Their houses were quite a ways away since each house had a private dock with space for a mid-sized boat but I was certain I was loud enough to draw attention to myself. “You can’t tell anyone about this. They’ll hunt me down and torture me in the name of science.”

I nodded, dumbfounded as he transformed before my eyes. Within minutes, his tail was replaced with a pair of legs and he stood before me as any other human man.

And he was stark naked.

He was stunning. Slender, toned, and tan. His shoulders were a bit wider than his hips, which were narrow and led to a pair of long legs. my eyes trailed back up his legs, tempted to take in every part of his body, and I realized I was gawking.

I quickly looked away and cleared my throat awkwardly. “Um…would you like to come in? I still have some of my brother’s clothes, I’m sure something will fit.”

He nodded and started for my house, leaving me standing alone on the dock, dumbfounded by what was going on and admiring his ass. My big brother was friends with a fucking merman and never told me?! I rushed to catch up to him, grabbing my now-cold cup of tea as I chased after him. By the time I caught up, he was reaching for my door.

Once we were both inside, I turned towards him, once again forcing myself to make eye contact and not stare at his perfect body. “Just…wait here. I’ll be right back.” I instructed before scurrying off to one of the spare rooms where I kept my brother’s belongings.

“You changed things.” I heard him say and puffed out a sigh.

“Yeah. It was hard moving in and seeing all his things.” I explained, hearing his footsteps as he wandered around the living room. “I kept everything, I just put it all away.” I finally found the box of clothes and rummaged around until I found a pair of sweats and a loose tank top. I rejoined him and held out the clothes, looking anywhere but at him. “Here. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’m alright, thank you.” He smiled again as he reached for the clothes and my heart raced. Something about him was drawing me in. He was intoxicating. “You're much prettier than him.” He said after a few moments of staring at me, finally taking the clothes and making his way towards the bathroom to get dressed as if I hadn’t just seen every inch of him.

“Um…thanks?” I stared after him, entirely bewildered at the turn the evening had taken.

————————————————

I let out a soft sigh as my fingertips danced over the scales that reached up his lower back. That night had been the beginning of my romance with Seonghwa, who was now a fixture in my life. The two of us had spent hours talking about my late brother, sharing stories and fighting back tears. He’d held me until I fell asleep and I woke up the next morning to the clothes folded neatly on the end of the sofa and a note on top, scrawled in beautifully messy handwriting. See you soon.

“You're staring again.”

“Hmm?” I lifted my head from my arm and offered a sheepish grin. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to. Just thinking.”

“About what?” He asked, shuddering as my fingertips ghosted over a particularly sensitive spot just above the fin that ran down the back of his tail.

“The night we met.” I hummed, laying my head back down with a tiny smile. “Beautiful.” I whispered, touching the same spot as before. I knew he liked it.

He smiled softly and pulled himself up on the dock, kissing my forehead. “It was the best night of my life.” He responded, opting not to address my comment.

“Mine too.” I whispered, closing my eyes at his touch. I opened my eyes a moment later and looked up at him. “Do you want to come in? It’s getting kind of cool out here.”

When he nodded, I got up and backed away, leaving space for him to get on the dock while I grabbed the clothes I’d picked for him. It had become routine for me to meet him at the dock with an outfit and watch the sunset before inviting him in. He usually stayed the night with me and then went back to the water during the day when I had to work.

I watched in awe as he transformed before my eyes. It was a mildly unsettling sight but I could never manage to tear my eyes away, always intrigued. He didn’t look bothered despite how uncomfortable the transformation appeared. He’d explained early on, with mild indignance, that he was a siren, not a merman like I’d originally thought, and told me how his magic worked. It was kind of confusing but the main points were that changing forms didn’t hurt him and that his power wasn’t simply used to lure sailors to their deaths, like most fantasy books said. In fact, he’d used his charms to lull me to sleep the night we met after seeing my grief over my brother.

Once he was dressed, we walked up the dock towards my house. His arms were around my waist the moment I closed the door. “You look so beautiful tonight, my love.” He murmured, pulling I against him.

“So do you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled up at him.

He leaned down and caught my lips in a gentle kiss, bringing one hand to the back of my head. I shivered when his fingers tangled in my hair and gave a gentle tug. After two years, he knew exactly how to manipulate my body and heat pooled between my legs as he nipped at my bottom lip. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he ignited such need in me.

I dragged my hands down his chest and inched my fingers under his shirt, whining softly when he pulled back. “Let’s go to the bedroom, darling.” His voice took on that tone I knew all too well and I quickly followed his instructions, knowing it was best to follow his orders.

When I reached my room, he sat on the bed and motioned for me to stand between his legs. I complied, smiling to myself when he slipped his hands under my shirt and lifted it over my head. He frowned at the sight of my bra and I laughed. “Don’t worry, it has a zipper.”

“Good. I fucking hate fighting with those hooks. They’re so finicky.” He huffed and for a moment I saw his cute, childish side. As soon as he noticed my adoring expression, however, he gathered himself and wrapped his arms around me. “My beautiful girl…” he whispered as he pressed his lips to my stomach.

I shivered at his tone as my hands moved to rest on his shoulders, goosebumps appearing on my skin at his touch. I didn’t speak as his tongue darted out to tease me, biting back a pathetic noise when he slipped a hand between my legs and touched me through my shorts. His touch was gentle, further cementing my thoughts on his elegance. He could never be rough with me unless I begged, despite possessing the inhuman physical abilities that all sirens had. I was too precious to him. Too fragile.

“Tell me, my love, what do you want? You’ve been such a good girl lately, I think you deserve a treat.” His voice took on that mind-numbingly sweet tone and I felt myself growing dizzy as a fresh wave of arousal washed over me.

“I want you, Hwa.” I whimpered, grinding down against his fingers.

“Hwa?” He paused, looking up at me. I froze on the spot. I knew what he wanted me to call him, what I secretly wanted to call him, but I was always too shy to do it unprompted. “Is that my name, baby?”

“No…” I bit my lip and fought hard to maintain eye contact.

“Say my name then.” His eyes seemed to grow dark for a brief moment and warmth flooded my chest as my stomach did a somersault. He was using his magic on me.

“M-mommy…” I whined softly, cheeks going a soft pink.

“Good girl.” He cooed and applied more pressure to my clothed core as he continued. “Now, tell me again what it is that you want.”

“I want you, mommy. Please?” I begged despite my embarrassment as his magic compelled me to do the tasks I was too shy to do without his…encouragement.

The noise he let out made my head spin and I clenched around nothing, my panties sticking uncomfortably to my folds. “My good girl even used her manners.” His tone was almost taunting as he pulled me onto his lap.

I stifled a small noise and settled on his thighs with no hesitation as his long fingers teased my hips. The skin just above my waistband once more erupted in goosebumps at his featherlight touch and I shivered. “Of course I did, mommy. I wanna be good for you.” I murmured, waiting for him to tell me what to do next.

He chuckled softly and nodded, hands sliding to squeeze my ass. “You always are, baby.” He assured me, leaning up to peck my lips.

The peck turned into a fiery kiss when I looped my arms around his neck and wiggled in his lap in an adorable attempt to grind on him. He was hard beneath my ass and I wanted to feel him. He made a sound in the back of his throat as he laid back and flipped us both over to pin me to the mattress. He immediately rolled his hips against mine and I gasped against his lips.

He broke the kiss and moved to trail his lips along my neck, sucking and biting occasionally. Each nip had I arching into him as heat pooled in my belly. “Mommy, please-” I gasped, gently tugging at his hair as his lips moved lower.

His elegant fingers tugged at the zipper of my bra, freeing my breasts in a matter of seconds. He pulled back just a bit to admire me and I saw his eyes darken with lust. He wasted no time in latching onto my left nipple, tongue swirling around the stiff peak. I let out a soft cry when I felt his teeth scrape over my skin and he promptly switched sides, focusing on my right breast.

Much to my dismay, he didn’t spend much time on my chest, opting instead to work his way lower. His lips ghosted over the spot he’d been teasing before pulling me to his lap and I sighed, eyes slipping shut. I lifted my hips when his fingers hooked in my waistband and bit my lip as my shorts and panties traveled down my legs.

After tossing my clothes aside, Seonghwa guided my legs apart and made an appreciative noise deep in his chest. “My beautiful girl…you’re gonna take me so well, aren’t you?” I nodded immediately and he smirked. “But first, you're gonna let mommy suck on that pretty pussy, right, my love?”

“Yes, mommy.” I whimpered, clenching around nothing. It was almost embarrassing how wet I was when he’d barely done anything. Almost.

“Good girl.” I moaned weakly at the name and he chuckled softly. “You always respond so well to that name.” He cooed as he leaned down. He kissed my belly while his hands guided my legs to his shoulders, tongue circling my navel like he knew I liked.

“Tickles…” I whispered and bit my lip, lifting my head to watch as he brought his mouth a breath away from my aching cunt. He didn’t immediately dive in and I wanted to scream but managed to keep my composure as he blew on me.

He ran a single finger through my folds and I felt my body grow weak. Keeping my head up so I could look at him was becoming a chore as he finally pressed a chaste kiss to my clit. I felt dizzy from the simple touch. “Mommy, please…” I whimpered, fighting the urge to grab a fistful of his silky black hair and drag him into me.

My plea seemed to be the only thing he needed because a moment later he sucked my clit into his mouth and a low growl rumbled in his chest at my resulting moan. One thing I loved about Seonghwa was just how enthusiastic he was to go down on me. He ate pussy like a madman and always made sure to finish me off before we even got to the actual fucking. I could live with his head between my legs.

The fight to keep my head up was lost and I found myself staring at the ceiling, my eyes slipping shut a moment later as a long, slender finger entered me. “Mommy…” I mewled, my hands moving to my chest. 

“Taste so fuckin’ good, baby.” He groaned against me and my hips bucked of their own accord. He brought an arm up and slung it across my hips, pinning me to the bed. “Don’t move, angel. Let me enjoy my meal.”

“Sorry, mommy.” I bit my lip as I tugged at my nipple, my back arching slightly when he curled his finger. “Oh-” I gasped.

He didn’t say a word as he added another finger and quickly curled them to reach that same spot that had my whole body burning. He licked and sucked until my legs trembled on either side of his head. He made a small appreciative sound against me and the vibrations damn near made me squeal.

Then he pulled back and I was about to pout when he added a third finger. He curled them instantly and his pace became rough and my back bowed off the bed. “Oh my god!” I cried out, quickly bringing my hand to my mouth. I didn’t mean to muffle my sounds, I just needed something to sink my teeth into and my knuckles were perfect for the job.

He kept his pace and the coil in the pit of my belly wound tighter. He leaned back in and pressed a soft kiss to my clit and it felt like lightning struck my body. My hips jerked at the contact but his arm kept me in place and I felt him smirk against me.

Eyes now watery, I looked down at him and found him staring back at me. His eyes darkened once more as he watched me fall apart and simply muttered a few words in a language I now recognized as his mother tongue, his voice sending vibrations through my pussy. Instantly, warmth was blooming in my chest and I found myself whimpering behind my hand as an intense pleasure filled my body.

He knew how much I loved when he used his power to intensify my pleasure and helped me along quite often.

My orgasm hit me like a truck, steamrolling me as he lapped at my pussy. He kept his pace even as I began to writhe, his eyes glinting with mischief. A second orgasm approached and just as I was about to come undone, he pulled back. I let out a disapproving whine but didn’t argue further. Instead, I started to sit up.

“Can I-”

“Did I say you could get up?” Immediately I sank back down against the sheets. “Don’t move.” His eyes flashed. I couldn’t even if I wanted to, though the warmth spreading in my chest made any desire to disobey flee my body entirely. He’d pinned me to the bed with a simple glare and I watched helplessly as he undressed himself, my palms itching to help him.

My mouth watered when his cock sprung free from the confines of his shorts and he took a step toward me. “I’m gonna fuck this tight little pussy and you’re gonna fall apart on my cock, understood? I’m not stopping until I hear you begging for mercy.”

I clenched around nothing and nodded eagerly. I loved when he got like this. When he was so worked up that my reward turned into him simply ravaging me. I wanted him and he was damn sure going to give me what I wanted until I couldn’t take any more.

He lined up and urged my knees toward my chest, sheathing himself inside me in one fluid motion. The fullness I felt in that moment was one of my favorite things. He always fit so perfectly inside me, filling every inch of my pussy like it was made for him.

“Shit, baby…” His groan made me tense in anticipation. Every time he cursed like that, he gave it to me hard, just the way I liked it. He was careful with me, of course. I was his fragile little human. But he knew I preferred him fucking me furiously over taking me slowly and he gave it to me as a reward.

He also punished me that way but that was a story for another time.

“Mommy-” My breath hitched on the first thrust and my eyelids fluttered as his hand found my throat.

His pace was brutal, the sound of skin slapping filling the room in record time. He was precise with each thrust and my eyes rolled back when he gave my throat a gentle squeeze. Molten lava filled my veins as my vision swam.

He let up quickly, having long since learned my limits, and leaned down to crash his lips to mine. His taste mingled with my juices in the most intoxicating way and I let out another small whimper.

The coil in my belly was back and more intense than before as he reached a part of me that had stars dotting my vision. “Oh fuck- there!” I cried, the sound muffled by his lips. He drank up the sound with a low groan and slammed into me harder, determined to make me fall apart before he did.

It didn’t take him very long to accomplish that. Not even a minute after I had the thought that I wouldn’t last much longer, my orgasm washed over me. I swear the edges of my vision blurred with the force of it. A scream ripped from my throat as he continued to fuck me through my orgasm, showing no signs of letting up any time soon.

“That’s a good girl. Just like that.” He praised, pulling back just enough to watch me writhe beneath him. “You look so beautiful when you cum all over my cock, angel.”

Warmth flooded my chest again and I let out another cry as a third orgasm slammed into me, Seonghwa’s magic holding me captive as it settled deep in my belly. He was doing this on purpose of course. He wanted to make sure I was sated. He always did.

“Look at me.” He demanded. I did. I couldn’t look away. He was stunning like this. He looked powerful on top of me.

When I felt a fourth orgasm building, tears filled my eyes and I begged for mercy. “Mommy, please- too much-” The words came out as a broken sob of pleasure.

“You can take one last one for me, can’t you, my love?” I nodded frantically, knowing he’d give me a break after I’d cum a fourth time. “Good girl. That’s what I thought.” He grunted as sweat dripped from his chin and landed between my breasts. “Fuck, baby. You look so perfect right now. Just wanna fill you up with my cum and watch you try not to waste a single drop. Wanna breed that perfect pussy and give you a baby.”

“Please!” I sobbed, nodding furiously. I needed that. Needed him to fill me to the brim and make it so blindingly obvious who I belonged to.

“Yeah? You want that?” I nodded again as my orgasm barreled towards me. “Then cum for me, angel. One last time and I’ll give you every last drop.”

I let go, my back bowing off the bed as my whole body shuddered with delight. The sensation was so strong it made my toes curl and my watery eyes roll back as I let out one final cry. I bet I looked possessed with the way my body spasmed.

With a final curse, Seonghwa let go and spilled inside me, his thrusts becoming sloppy and losing rhythm as his high crashed over him. He only stopped when I let out a pathetic whimper, my body aching from all the pleasure he’d given me. Slowly, he pulled out and I whimpered when I felt his cum begin to leak out of me.

“You’re wasting it.” He teased as he laid down beside me, throwing a strong arm over my waist. “Are you okay, my love?”

“I couldn’t be better.” I smiled as I rolled over to face him, eyes already drooping. “I love you, Hwa.”

“I love you too. So fucking much.” He whispered. His words were the last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep in his protective embrace.

[sky-high-standards]

Yandere!!Fairytale characters Dark reverse Harem x reader Part 2

Ik I've been neglecting a part to for so long but here it is.

part one here

You fell into the ocean and all you could hear was a voice it was so beautiful and so sweet and..obsessive?

you woke up on a very familiar shore and sat up only to be tackled down by a big gray sheep dog who seemed very happy to see you and due to almost drowning you were extra confused.

???: Maxine? where are you girl

Then a man with dark hair and Caribbean blue eyes spotted you and the dog. Maxine? why does that sound so familiar?

??: Oh sry about Maine ma'-Y/n?

You had no idea how this man knew you but then you remembered.

Y/n: Eric?

He then beamed and hugged you it was eric another one of your childhood friends you two always played by the beach with Maxine and Eric would always say how when he became king you had to be his queen.

flashback

A much younger eric and you playing by the shore making sand castles while Maxine lied in the sun.

Eric: Y/n, Y/n look at my sandcastle!!

Y/n: Oh its so cool.

Eric: cool? It doesn't look cold y/n.

You shook your head.

Y/n: nevermind

Eric then smiled at you and laughed

Eric: Y/n you're very strange y/n when I'm big I'm going to be a king and you're gonna be my queen okay.

Y/n: No I wanna be in charge and you're the strange one.

You huffed and eric then pouted.

Eric: No Y/n you have to be my queen if you're my queen I'll tell the servants to make the moats full of chocolate.

he smirked when he saw your eyes light up.

Y/n: Oh okay I'll be your queen!

Eric: pinky swear?

he said sticking out his pinky finger.

Yn: Pinky swear.

and the moment you interlocked pinkies a promise that eric would never forget was made.

present

As Eric helped you up he brought you back to the palace but you couldn't help but wonder who saved you but little did you know you're savior carefully watched the two of you from under the water

Under the sea

???: Floundra she came back...she finally came back.

A voice excitedly said.

???: I knew she'd come back to me she must love me why else would she fall into the ocean she was practically telling me to save her an act of love!! that's so cute of her.

the voice said in a lovesick and happy way his sea blue eyes practically had hearts in them just thinking of you with a blush as red as his hair dusting his cheeks. but he then snarled.

???: But that repulsive man just had to come too trying to steal her from me I cant have that now.

Floundra his best friend looked at him concerned and worried not just for him but for you too ever since he was a sea wee he'd watch you and Eric play together longing to be a part of your world but this longing soon became a lovesick obsession she'd seen the way he'd look at you blinded by love and delusion she knew he'd go through any length to be with you but after you suddenly disappeared he was devastated and the obsession died down which Floundra was relieved about because she knew if you stayed there longer he would've done something horrendous to have you.

But the moment he saw you again helpless and almost drowning he was euphoric he'd never been so close to you, you finally came back to him he wanted to drag you down to the bottom of the ocean and keep you but unfortunately human lungs aren't for the water so he pulled you to the shore and saved you while happily singing to you and caressing your body the sunset made your skin glow and his emerald green tail shimmer in the light he wanted to stay there forever but he had to come and that mangey mut too so he went back into the ocean and watched from afar with jealous eyes watching Eric help you up.

Floundra: Arien are you okay

He just stayed silent watching Eric take you away the look on his face was blank which was strange for someone as go lucky and puppylike as Arien but it was the kind of cold stare that would run a chill down your spine.

Arien: If I don't act soon she'll be gone forever. I need to get rid of that human Floundra.

In the palace

You got washed up and brought into the old room you used to stay in pacing around wondering how to pass this story and just on time a purple light flashed and your fairy godmother came.

Godmother: I'm glad you made it my dear.

You sighed a sigh of relief happy to see her.

Y/n: Whats my task for this story Godmother?

Godmother: Well my dear you have to keep Eric alive.

At that your heart drops.

Y/n: w-whats going to kill him.

Godmother: That can't be revealed yet my dear...

She smiles gently then continues

Godmother: Keep him away from the sea at all times my dear.

And in a poof of purple light she was gone you groaned the fell onto the bed pondering what danger awaits Eric and when you'd be sent to the next story.

Eric's pov

She came back Maxine she finally came back I knew she'd never break her promise he said looking at his pinky dreamily and she came just in time for me to be crowned king I always knew she was destined to be my queen

He said as Maxine sat Infront of him wagging her tail.

Under the sea

Floundra: Eric don't do this this is a bad idea.

She desperately said swimming by Arien who then gave her a cold and furious look.

Arien: Quiet Floundra

He then swam to the entrance of the sea warlocks cave Ursule Arien swam in determined and motivated and then he saw Ursule sitting there staring right at him with his signature persuasive yet sinister smirk.

Ursule: I year you've been having trouble with you're love life my dear.

Arien: I want you to turn me into a human.

Ursule: oh~ that eager are we?

Ursule laughed and made his way to his spells before he turned to Arien and smirked.

Ursule: you do know you have to pay a price for my help.

Arien: I'll do anything to have her.

He said in a determent voice to which ursule looked intrigued by and checked his spells where your face appeared looking into the ocean.

Ursule: Oh she is quite a catch very beautiful you have a taste for gorgeous things I see.

Arien glared at his comment.

Arien: what price do I have to pay.

Ursule: Well Angelfish you will need a human heart if you want to win hers I'll make you human for Three days but by the third sunset you'll need a human heart and her love.

Arien: She already loves me.

Ursule: Sure she does Angelfish~Ooh and one more little thing, I need your voice.

Arien looked at him irritated and furious.

Arien: How will I tell her I love her without my voice.

Ursule: If she loves you as you say it'll be child's play to show her your love so sign the contract my boy.

A magic contract appeared in front of Arien with a pen to which Arien eagerly signed then suddenly he was human and Floundra quickly helped him to the surface.

Back in your room

You sat on the bed looking out the window staring at the ocean when a figure in an old ships sail stumbled across the beach.

You were intrigued and climbed through your balcony to see who it was as you drew closer you were seen and the figure attempted to run towards you only to fall as if unable to use his legs.

You quickly went to help him.

Y/n: I'm sir ate you alright.

The strange man suddenly leaped onto you nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as you pushed his face away you got a better look at him he had the most beautiful sea green eyes and soft looking scarlett red hair he was undoubtedly handsome even dressed in an old sail.

As you pushed the clingy man off Eric came along with Maxine

Eric: Y/n!! Y/n where have you gone...oh there you ar-

Eric stopped mid sentence when he saw the man on top of you glaring at him to which Eric immediately tried to separate you two while Maxine growled at the man.

Eric: What do you think you're doing with her?

Eric coldly spat out and the man who was visibly irritated opened his mouth to speak but the closed it scoffing.

Y/n: Eric it's okay he didn't do anything wrong.

You say then turn to the strange man.

Y/n: what's you're name?

You said it do sweetly hid heart melted you were finally here looking at him with those beautiful e/c eyes that were only supposed to look at him.

He opened his mouth to speak but the clutched his thought gesturing that he couldn't speak.

Y/n: oh you can't speak you poor thing Eric we have to help him.

Eric was visibly against this but wouldn't dare upset you so he simply nodded grumbling under his breath and he could've sworn he saw the man smirk.

You three then go to the palace with new company and he soon got dressed cleaned and was seated at dinner.

Y/n: Sir did you have an accident? Is that why you can't speak?

He slowly nodded.

Y/n: Are you okay with me calling you Red until we find your name?

He eagerly nodded and stared into your eyes giving you the most adorable smile but you could sense something was wrong about it...

Okay I accidentally posted this y'all tell me what your suggestions are and tell me if I should continue love you my lovely single pringles.

[jensettermandu]

looking for you in sunsets - rosé

genre; angst, some fluff

pairing; rosé x g!p reader

content warning; mature and sensitive topics that might not be suitable for everyone dealing with mental health issues. prioritize your health.

description; she is always there for you. you're always there for her. you two are always there for each other no matter how far away you two are and nothing would ever change that.

words; 22k+

masterlist

You sighed, toning out all the noise in the classroom with your eyes landing on the table right beside yours, the seat by the window. They always landed there, but it was empty and it made you wonder where your best friend Chaeyoung could be right now since she wasn't where she was supposed to be.

You tapped your shoes against the ground under your feet, waiting for Chaeyoung at the bus stop where you two always met since she lived just slightly outside the city. Ignoring the older woman that glanced your way, probably annoyed with how restless you were, but you didn't like waiting or standing still for too long. Humming quietly to yourself with the sun shining extra brightly today, hitting your back and warming you up. The sound of a vehicle approaching made you look up to see Chaeyoung's bus coming your way, slowing down the closer it got to the bus stop.

The green bus came to a stop at last, the doors opening and you smiled always thinking that those buses looked funny for some reason especially when your friend would jump the little gap between the ground and the bus. She did just that, her blonde hair bouncing with her before falling gently down her shoulders, shimmering in the sun together with her brown eyes that landed on you. You smiled big and watched her smile back, her eyes squinting and you always loved seeing her eye smile because it was truly one of a kind.

You basically skipped from your spot before walking to Chaeyoung who was approaching you. No matter what, it was always like a reunion with you two even if you had seen each other just a day before. "Finally." You breathed out and hugged her around her shoulders as she wrapped her arms around your waist since she was slightly shorter. "Stop acting like you waited hours...Plus, I told you exactly at what time my bus would be here." Chaeyoung said and made you squirm away from her when she poked your sides. You rolled your eyes and looked at your wristwatch. "Well, your bus was two minutes late." You pointed out, and she shoved you before grabbing your wrist, making you walk with her before letting go once you were walking beside her.

"Two minutes Y/n, nothing I can do about the bus being late." You looked at her as she spoke, Chaeyoung looking up from the ground in front of you two and looking at you, still with a smile on her face. She was always smiling and her smile was always so contagious that you could never be in a bad mood around her. You grabbed her hand and changed direction. "Let's eat, I managed to starve while waiting." This made her groan and let you drag her as she followed with heavy steps. "I am poor at the moment, Y/n." Chaeyoung complained and you waved her off, walking towards the small place where you two would eat as it was close to the bus stop. Sitting there and eating or just had something to drink usually while waiting for her bus when she had to go home or just eat like now.

"It's fine. I got my pay just a few days ago so it's on me." You explained since it never mattered. Sometimes you would pay, sometimes she would and no one counted the pennies cause they didn't matter in the end did they? They didn't, the time you two spent together was more luxurious and precious than the money you two would spend. "Do I get a milkshake?" Chaeyoung questioned and you hummed, getting closer to the small diner. "You get anything you want while I am rich." You confirmed and let go of her hand when you reached the door, opening it for her and letting her walk in first before stepping inside right after. The smell of fries and the oil they fried in immediately attacked your nose and you greeted the guy at the counter.

-

You two sat in the booth you two would always sit at, in the furthest corner at the place by the window. Always sitting in the same spot and you two had been doing it ever since you started coming to this place which was a good six years ago. That was when your parents started allowing you two to go out alone. You and Chaeyoung had known each other for 13 years now, meeting in kindergarten at five and since then you two had always stuck together, nothing separating you two- being 18 now.

"I doubt that these fries are made of potatoes." You chuckled at what she said, watching her eat the fry she inspected just a second ago. "That's what makes them good...I've heard that they used to coat Mc fries in beef fat to get that famous flavour, not sure if they still do it." She hummed and reached for a nugget in the box you two were sharing, ordering the share box for two people, just like always knowing that it was just enough to feed you both without any leftovers. "Not knowing what's in these makes them so much better...But chicken nuggets are so relatable, they are the most relatable food out there." You stopped yourself at that and looked at her with your head tilted.

"Am I going to get to listen to slam poetry about nuggets now?" You questioned with a smile, taking a nugget and eating it to stop yourself from laughing. "Do you want to? I came up with something good." Your best friend seriously said and you nodded, Chaeyoung took another nugget and held it so you could see it too. You watched as she thought it through for a bit before looking at you.

"We are all like chicken nuggets, a nugget is not real chicken, it's fake, but yet it's so delicious but also harmful and so are we. What's behind the crust is not what we want people to think, it's not chicken, but a bunch of goop containing God knows what, that's why we don't want anyone to find out what really is in that goop we are made of. Because what if people stop thinking that we are delicious if they find out that it's not chicken, that it's all fake?...That's all." You both looked at each other, trying to stay serious but laughed in the end. "But, it makes sense, doesn't it?" Chaeyoung asked through her laughter, reaching for her milkshake to try and calm down a bit, feeling her cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

You hummed, nodding your head at what she said because it did make sense although the fact that she was using a nugget for it made it ridiculous. "It actually does...You should write a poetry book, it would earn you big nuggets." You said and laughed at your own joke, stopping when you saw that Chaeyoung wasn't laughing at it. "You know because, gold nugget and you would earn big nuggets, basically a lot of money." You tried but she only glanced at you weirdly, making you flick a fry her way. "Hey!" She exclaimed and brushed the fry off her, throwing it at the napkin beside her.

"It was funny- but whatever, I will let you pretend that it wasn't...Oh! Jennie told me that you guys have a cheer contest in what was it like two months and that it will be quite big." Chaeyoung looked up from her food at that and looked confused for a second before it hit her. Almost forgetting about the contest she and the rest of the cheer team were competing in. "Yeah, it will be quite big since it's the annual cheer contest in the region Y/n." She let out with slight sarcasm since they had it every year and you made it sound like this would be the first time. You grumbled at that, it wasn't your fault that you didn't keep track of every contest and event that was going to happen. "Whatever, I saw the confusion, you forgot yourself. But I will be there and cheer for both you and Jennie, well, basically the whole team since it's a team sport. You guys won last year and are bound to win this year too." You excitedly said as you had always been cheering for them ever since Chaeyoung joined the team.

"Who's name are you going to write on your sign?" Chaeyoung asked with a teasing tone, but you rolled your eyes. "Yours and Jennie's, like I have been doing for the past three years." You stated the obvious since she always asked the same thing whenever there was some type of cheer contest. You always had hers and your girlfriend's name on that banner that was almost always your size, wanting everyone to know who the two best women in your life were. You loved both just as much, but it was just a different kind of affection. You were sure that you could have more than one soulmate and that not all soulmates were meant to be lovers although one was your lover and the other was your best friend.

"Are you going to need two people to hold it this time too? I feel like last year was a bit overboard, you got told to put it down since you were blocking the view together with Jisoo for everyone." Chaeyoung said and chuckled as you looked down, the moment was still slightly embarrassing although Chaeyoung and Jennie found it very sweet. You decided to try your luck and together with Jisoo made a giant sign with both Jennie's and Chaeyoungs names that needed you both to hold it up only to get told to put it down since the people behind you couldn't see a thing. "It's the thought that counts, but I think we might go smaller this year." You said, giving her a smile as you looked up. "Although, we are still going to cheer just as loud." You reassured her since you would still be screaming for the two even if the sign was smaller.

"Of course, you will." She said and sighed, grabbing more fries and you shrugged. There was no way that you wouldn't. "You guys cheer when we have games." You reminded her, the basketball team wasn't only known for how good you guys played but also for how supportive everyone was together with the cheer team that always made the whole crowd erupt into even louder cheers. "That's what the cheer team is for, isn't it?" You gave her a sceptic look. "Maybe, but you guys do it the best when we play, unlike the rest of the school teams...I think that's cause I am on the basketball team." You said, getting slightly cocky with it, but it was the truth. You had both your girlfriend and best friend cheering for you so obviously, the basketball team would have them cheer the best although they were always great.

"I think you as a captain tell them to perform better just for me." You continued and groaned once Chaeyoung kicked your shin. Sending her a glare as you reached under the table and rubbed your shin to ease the pain. "Keep on telling yourself that. As a captain, I tell them to give their best every time, Y/n." She corrected, and you waved her off although Chaeyoung was really a great cheer captain. "You're just too shy to admit that I am right." This time she threw a fry at you and you laughed. "Ok fine, maybe I make them perform the slightest bit better." She admitted not being able to lie to you.

-

You walked through the mall with Chaeyoung by your side, just wandering around the city like usual when you two were together. The nuggets were at the pit of your stomachs as you both were full. "Look, there's literally no line to the photo booth. Let's go." Chaeyoung exclaimed when her eyes landed on the photo booth you two skipped on last time since there was a line to it- last time the mall was pretty busy with people. "Last one there-." You didn't even get to finish what you were going to say when she raced right by you, already running to the booth. Without a second thought, you quickly took off after her, putting your long legs to good use and catching up to her. You were right on her heels, but it was too late as she landed inside the booth first.

"Oh fuck." You both groaned at the same time when you flew in right after her, forgetting to stop, colliding with Chaeyoung who collided with the wall, the whole booth rumbling with the both of you inside it. "I think I broke my knee." The girl whined and slumped down on the small stool inside the booth, holding onto her knee. "Can you even break a knee?" You questioned and chuckled at the whole situation as you stood leaning against the wall, catching your breath with your hands on your knees. "I'm not sure, but I fucked up something in my knee because of you." You lifted your head, looking up at Chaeyoung who was levelled with you, meeting each other's eyes.

"You sure? Let me see." You said and removed her hands from it, flicking her knee, making Chaeyoung smack your hands away. You laughed and she pushed you away from her. "It will be fine or do you want me to kiss it and blow on it?" Chaeyoung tsk'd and flipped you off. "You can kiss the tip of my finger." She snapped and you leaned forward with your lips puckered to kiss her finger, only to get your face pushed away with Chaeyoung giggling. "Stop being annoying and let's take those photos." You grinned at what she said and turned away from her to insert your card, wanting to take those photos with Chaeyoung to add to your and her collection with all the polaroid and other photos you had together.

You finished and shuffled over to Chaeyoung, standing behind her as she pressed the button. Posing with your arm around her shoulder, big smiles on your faces as the first photo got taken, changing pose for the next. You threw a peace sign, Chaeyoung winking with a pout with your cheeks squished together. It was as if you two were using telekinesis by knowing exactly what to do next, the both of you making faces for the third photo with giggles. "Goddammit Park Chaeyoung!" You exclaimed in pain when she bit your finger right when the last picture snapped. "That's for the knee." She huffed as you retreated your arm from around her, looking at the bite mark left on your index finger. "You rat." You said after seeing the teeth mark on your finger, the girl not caring as she got up from the stool and left the booth to take the pictures.

You flailed your hand as you followed her out of the booth, seeing her already holding the photo strip that had the four pictures on it. Looking as her smile grew as she looked over it carefully. You walked over to her and stood behind her, looking over her shoulder to see the photos too. "You're such a rat, just look at you." You laughed and pointed at the photo where she bit your finger, your face holding pure pain and her only holding pure satisfaction by getting back at you. "Want me to bite you again?" She threatened and your hands quickly went behind your back to avoid getting bitten again. Pursing your lips as she turned around to face you, shoving the photo strip into your chest. "You keep this one." She said with a smile and you took it.

"No, you can have this one...I think I took the last one we took together." You said about to hand it back to her, but she stopped you. "No, keep this one so you can remember not to mess with me." You chuckled at that and nodded, taking out your wallet and placing it inside it. "Just don't ruin it." She was quick to say when she saw you placing it inside the wallet. Chaeyoung frowned and took the wallet and strip from you, deciding that it would be better if she did it knowing how careless you could be, you did just run into her. "See, you need to be more careful...Some things are fragile, Y/n." Chaeyoung scolded and you just watched her before getting your wallet handed back to you. "I will keep that in mind." You said and put the wallet back into your pocket.

-

You grabbed Chaeyoung's favourite crisps from the shelf as you two were at the grocery store to get some snacks to then find some spot to chill at. Walking over to the fridge with sodas after. "Do you want ice tea as usual?" You questioned as you opened the fridge, Chaeyoung behind you hummed and helped you by holding the fridge. "Do you remember the ice tea toddy?" She asked and you chuckled at that, taking two iced teas, and handing one to Chaeyoung. "How could I forget...Jisoo still won't touch iced tea." You said and she laughed, nodding, it was an inside joke between your guy's friend group that had been going on for a year now. "It does work as a great mixer, but it's too good." You said and the blonde agreed.

Both of you remembered how Jisoo found out how good of a mixer ice tea was for vodka, to the point where she lost track of how much she had to drink and everything just reversed and she threw it all up. The girl still couldn't touch iced tea- the event had traumatized her so much. Just the smell made her gag. "Do you remember the little raft?" You asked, suddenly a lot of memories just came back and the girl bumped into you as she walked beside you, making you wrap your arm around her shoulders. "How could I forget? Jennie gave you the biggest scolding of the century." She teased and squirmed slightly when you pinched her cheek with the hand that was around her shoulders.

"I shouldn't have gotten scolded, it was Jungkook's fault I fell in the water in the first place." You said, you still were set on it being the boy's fault. You guys had found a random raft by the lake and you and Jungkook got on it, pushing it away from shore only realizing you guys had no paddles when it was a bit too late. It ended with Jungkook trying to jump back to shore since you guys weren't too far away, he managed to make the jump although he sent the whole raft flying together with you and you ended up falling into the water. "You two were stupid enough to get on that raft and push it away without any paddles." Chaeyoung said, knowing that it was stupid of both of you, but it was funny in the end and she still remembers all these things so vividly. Every single memory made with you and your guy's friends was always so vivid and she would never forget them and the same went for you.

"How about the time we had orienteering and you tricked our group out of the forest and to a diner instead." You said and a bashful smile spread across her face and she shrugged your arm off from around her. "I was hungry and did not feel like walking around a forest looking for checkpoints...In the end, everyone was happy." She explained herself like she has been doing for a good three years now. You guys were in a group of five and had orienteering for P.E. class and had two hours to try and get all the checkpoints. Chaeyoung announced that she was super good at it and would lead the way- only to lead you all to a diner. It ended with you guys getting five out of 15 checkpoints that were spread across the forest that wasn't too far from the city. Getting them on the way back from the diner after you all ate. "Everyone except the teacher." You pointed out as the teacher wasn't happy with a group of five people only getting five checkpoints in the span of two hours.

"When are they happy with anything?" She threw the question out there and took a turn with you as you needed to pick up one last thing before heading to check out. "It's a miserable job isn't it?" You said as you yourself would never want to work with teens if they were all like you and your friends. "Pretty much..." Chaeyoung trailed off as she watched you stop and look at the store shelf, realizing what aisle you had dragged her in. "How can you buy condoms right in front of me Y/n? I'm from a Christian household...no sex before marriage." Chaeyoung let out in pure disbelief, giving you a terrified look and you shoved her away slightly. "Shut up, Chaeyoung." You said and reached for the ultra thins since Jennie preferred it when you guys wouldn't use condoms, but considering that she wasn't on birth control that didn't happen often and this was the best option.

"What?" She asked confused, playing dumb and innocent which you knew she was not. "Are we just supposed to forget about Lisa the foreign exchange student from last year?" You quipped, knowing very well what went down since she had told you. You two told each other everything. There wasn't a single thing you two did not know about each other. "I don't know what you are talking about." She continued to play dumb and you gave her a look, seeing the small tint on her cheeks. Lisa was an exchange student at your school and you guys got along well, but she and Chaeyoung got along extra good and it was sort of a fling thing that ended once she left with no hard feelings.

"Or maybe your first boyfriend?" You added, being well aware of how much she hated when you mentioned that- it wasn't because it was a bad breakup or anything, it was because the girl was as straight as a circle and looked so stupid trying to date that guy when she was 15. It ended pretty quickly, but still, a few things went down and she wasn't the proudest of them. "Ew, don't mention him." Chaeyoung said and cringed, the two of you walking out the aisle, making it to the checkout now while grabbing a few sweets on the way. "Either way, you are no virgin Mary, Park Chaeyoung." You clearly stated and she quickly looked around you both before sending you a glare. "Jeez, Y/n louder. What if my sister would just pop out of nowhere and would hear you." She complained and you rolled your eyes at what she said.

"Oh, so you think your sister is stupid and doesn't know?" You asked, not believing that her sister didn't know that your best friend, Park Chaeyoung was no saint. "Yes, yes I do." She stated a quick and short answer, giving you a nod of affirmation as she was sure that her sister was very much clueless about it all. You stifled a laugh at that and looked as she ran her hand through her perfectly silky hair. Her hair fell down her shoulders and rested on her black hoodie that was contrasting her blonde hair. "Then you are the stupid one." You concluded as you two stopped in line to checkout. She scoffed at that.

"Just buy the fucking condoms so you don't get Jennie pregnant by accident." Chaeyoung let out frustrated now because you might've been right, her sister Alice was smart in the end while Chaeyoung was smart but was also a terrible liar. You laughed at that and patted her back to get her to calm down. "So, you don't want a niece or nephew to spoil?" Chaeyoung looked up at that, raising her eyebrows at what you said. "Does it look like I have the money to spoil a child, Y/n? I don't even have the money to spoil myself, let alone a child." She dramatically let out. "Ahh, you're being dramatic." You breathed out.

"I am not." She firmly stated, trying to keep up the act, both of you knew that it was all just jokes. Liking to act a bit dramatic whenever it was possible. "You are." You insisted and Chaeyoung scoffed, shaking her head. "Let's see who will be dramatic once Jennie gets pregnant." You chuckled at that and bit your lower lip. Somehow she always made you laugh with the simplest things, it was as if nothing else existed when you two were together. It was like floating in the air with no burden on your shoulders and you hoped that she felt the same way when she was with you. "She's not getting pregnant, not yet at least and when she does, you are going to be the godmother of our child." You stated as no matter what, Chaeyoung was always going to be part of your life and if she would refuse you would simply force her. Although there was no way she would ever refuse.

"You think I would be a good Godmother?" She questioned unsurely and you looked at her, cocking your head and quirking your eyebrows. "You'd be a great godmother and I wouldn't even consider anyone else." You stated with a firm nod and watched the smile on her face as she sighed, shaking her head slightly. You always made her feel so good about herself. The both of you placed the things on the band and suddenly Chaeyoung spoke up with confusion. "What do you mean not yet?" She asked and stopped in her tracks, only now realizing what you said. Looking at you, she instantly recognized that smile on your face that only meant one thing, it was something important and precious to you. That was the smile you had on your face whenever you were around her or Jennie- other friends too but it stood out around the two or when you talked about them.

"Can you keep a secret?" You already knew the answer as she kept every secret you told her between you two. Chaeyoung was the person you trusted the most, more than your own family, but on the second hand, she was basically your family. You two were like siblings, knowing each other for more than half of your lives. It felt good to be around someone who you knew, knew you better than you knew yourself, knowing that you could always listen to her and trust her and her advice. "Of course, I can. I know your deepest darkest secrets and never said anything to anyone." She said with a proud grin, it always made her feel more important when she knew that you trusted her so much. You took a step closer to her and lowered your tone slightly even if it wasn't needed since you didn't know anyone here, but it made the moment that much more climatic.

"I want to propose after graduation." You whispered in her ear and it went quiet for a second, nervously watching her as her lips parted and her eyes widened slightly. "What!?" She squeaked out in pure surprise, seeming like she was in bliss. "Yes, I want to propose after graduation and then we could live together while in college and all that stuff." You explained and smiled when Chaeyoung jumped in for a hug, her arms wrapping around your arms, giving you a bone-crushing hug that you tried to return the best you could with your arms restrained. "Oh my god, you should totally do it." She squealed out and looked up at you with her eyes glimmering slightly. Relief washed over you fully as she was the first person you told this to, like always being the one you told things first too. You knew that you and Jennie were only 18, but you two were already planning a future together- of course you included Chaeyoung in everything which Jennie was ok with seeing how there would never be a possibility to separate you and your best friend. She admired it.

"I am surprised that you are agreeing." You breathed out and she pulled away with her head tilting as you reached up to her face and patted away the few tears that rolled down. She was always your emotional little Chaeyoungie. "Why?" She asked and grabbed your hand that was on her cheek, holding it and you shrugged. "This is the first girlfriend of mine that you actually like...And you know how much I value your opinion." You said as you had a few girlfriends before and Chaeyoung was not fond of any of them although she seemed to love Jennie. "Jennie is great, both to you and to me...she doesn't have a problem with me being your best friend unlike the rest and she's just a keeper." She casually replied and you smiled, walking up to the clerk that was scanning your items. It was the truth, none of your exes was good enough for you in Chaeyoung's opinion and none of them really liked how close you two were either. Even if it was always platonic love since your friendship wasn't just a simple friendship, it was much more than that.

"She really is." You agreed and your smile made Chaeyoung smile this time, seeing how in love you were with that girl. Just like Jennie admired your and Chaeyoung's friendship, Chaeyoung admired your and Jennie's relationship. She knew that she was the right one in more than one way. "Mhm, although never forget about me." She hummed out and walked away when you had to pay, not being able to say much more. You quickly paid and thanked the clerk before, walking up to Chaeyoung since you knew that you could never forget about her. "I could never forget about you. You are moving in with me and Jennie when we take off to college." You watched as she just shook her head at what you said, helping you put everything in the plastic bag. "I don't know about that. Think I will rather be alone than share an apartment with you and Jennie." She only replied.

-

Somehow your and Chaeyoung's feet had their own will and walked you over all the way to the beach where you two would always sit together and just talk, sitting on the big rock where you had carved your names next to each other a few years ago. The cool breeze softly blew the salty air your and her way, the sun slowly setting but still keeping the breeze cool just cool and not freezing. You leaned back, holding yourself up with your palms as you looked over the ocean that seemed to not have an end, listening to the seagulls in the distance and the waves crashing with the rocks beneath you two.

"Could you promise me something?" Chaeyoung broke the temporary silence and you turned your head to look at her. Her gaze held some sort of longing as she looked over the horizon in front of you guys. The wind blew through her perfect hair, her eyes squinting just the slightest as the wind hit them. Her brown eyes glimmered from the orange sunset that hit them just like the water was glimmering below you two. You hummed and watched as her jaw clenched for a split second before she loosened up again and looked down at her feet with a sigh. It always ended the same with you two sitting and making promises to each other, some people would probably find a few of them meaningless but to you two they were worth more than gold.

"Promise me that you will propose to Jennie after graduation and keep her for the rest of your life...I know that you said that you will, but I really don't want you to change your mind, I want you to proceed with the future with Jennie there. We're only 18 and things can just change in the span of one night or even a second, but I don't want that to change...It would mean a lot to me if you would be able to promise me that even if it is quite big of a promise to keep." You almost managed to miss half of her soft-spoken words that disappeared with the waves as they left her lips, but you still heard every word of her. "And while you're at it, I want you to promise me that you will never forget me Y/n." Chaeyoung added and you watched as she moved her feet around a little, waiting for you to say something.

You tilted your head and smiled a little, extending your hand to her, making Chaeyoung look at you in the end. Holding out your pinky for her, a pinky promise made between you two was never allowed to be broken and this was a promise you would never break once the deal would be sealed. A smile grew on her face and she hooked her pinky with yours as you two just looked at each other in silence. "I promise you that I will propose to Jennie and keep her for the rest of my life and I will never ever forget about you Chaeyoung...I don't know how you could even think of that, but I will never forget about you because just like I am going to keep Jennie with me for the rest of my life, I am going to keep you too." You promised before you two touched thumbs, sealing the promise forever.

"Thank you." Chaeyoung breathed out in relief and unhooked her pinky with yours before wrapping her arms around your shoulders, hugging you tight with her face buried in your neck. You wrapped your arms around her waist, getting embraced in each other's warmth and no other hugs compared to the ones you shared. "I just want you to be happy." She mumbled and pulled you closer to her, resting your chin on her shoulder, feeling her hands clutch on your hoodie as if you would disappear any second now. "I want the same for you." You replied as you only wanted to see her happy and content, both of you wanted the best for each other. She only hummed, sighing into your neck as you both stayed in each other's arms.

"I really love you, Y/n." You smiled at her words and sighed when you heard her sniffle before feeling a few tears hit your skin. "I love you just as much...don't cry because I will start crying too." You said, feeling your voice quivering as you spoke because her tears were just as contagious as her smile was. It always ended with both of you crying if the other one would cry. "It's just that...you're the best thing that has ever happened in my life Y/n and I wouldn't change it or have it any other way. There's not much to my life without you, it's not as interesting when it's just me." This time you could feel the prickling in your nose, the tears brimming your eyes as a sob left her lips, her hot breaths fanning your skin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way either, but your life is much more than just me and you know it...There's just one of you, you're Park Chaeyoung and that's what defines you, not me." You said since you two maybe fulfilled each other's days, but if she wouldn't be Park Chaeyoung then it wouldn't be the same. The way she was defined her and not you. "I am me and you're you...that's what makes it special." You whispered and blinked away your tears. "You're special to me." She mumbled and you slowly pulled away, quickly wiping your eyes before looking at her, holding onto her shoulders. You wiped her cheeks with your sleeves before the wind could do it for you. Leaning over and leaving a peck on her forehead. "You're special to me too, Chaeyoung." You said back and removed the hair that the wind blew in her face, looking into her brown shimmering eyes and she smiled through her tears, giving you the eye smile that you loved so much.

-

You held Chaeyoung's hand, holding it inside your pocket to try and warm her as much as possible as it was starting to get cold now, waiting for her bus. "You sure that you don't want me to take the bus with you?" You asked to make sure since you offered to take the bus to walk her home, but she shook her head no. "Yeah, I like taking it alone...it gives me time to just think." She said and looked at you with a smile, you nodded knowing that she enjoyed riding the bus alone to just get lost in her thoughts. "Say hi to Jennie from me." Chaeyoung reminded you. "I will. You've been hanging out with everyone lately, haven't you?" You put it out there since she was with Jennie yesterday and the other days she hung out with Jisoo and another with Jungkook and so on aside from hanging out with you almost every day, but you two often were together.

"I've just missed everyone lately although today was memorable with you as usual." You gave her hand a squeeze, everything with her was memorable and fun. That was the thing with Chaeyoung, she wasn't just a great best friend to you, but she was truly a great friend to everyone. "It always is." Chaeyoung slithered her hand out of your grip and hugged around your waist again, making you hug around her shoulders, resting your cheek at the top of her head. Taking in her smell, those smells from one's childhood that always brought back nostalgia. Chaeyoung's smell was just that, she brought you so much nostalgia, comfort and memories, she made you feel safe with just her smell because it was so familiar, it made your inner child feel safe because that's what you had always been ever since you two met. Safe, comfortable, and content and it was just perfect.

"You're the bestest friend anyone could ask for Y/n." You chuckled at her words. "Just like you, you're the bestest of the best." Chaeyoung giggled at your words and you kissed the top of her head, taking in her smell before you two pulled away when you heard the bus approach. "Text me when you get home, alright?" You said as you held her shoulders, the girl nodded with her smile still there and you gave her a big smile too. "I will...I love you Y/n." You chuckled when she gave you a peck on your cheek and walked her to the front door of the green bus as it opened. "Be safe...I love you." You said and let go of her hand as she stepped onto the bus without another word, waving at you as the doors closed. Standing and watching her take a seat, waving at each other before the bus took off, not leaving your spot until the bus disappeared out of your sight.

-

"Could you hand me my wallet? It's in my pants." You asked Jennie as you laid in her bed in your boxers. She hummed as she finished up by her vanity table, turning off the lights on the mirror before she got up from the chair. Laying sprawled out on her bed under the covers as you watched her walk over to the armchair where your pants were laying with the rest of your clothes. Your girlfriend was already in her pj's as it was around 1 am and you got here at around 10 pm. Jennie reached into your pocket and took out your wallet before she scurried over to the bed, making you chuckle, lifting the covers for her seeing that she was in such a hurry since she was cold. The girl quickly cuddled into you, putting her head on your shoulder as you wrapped your arm around her waist.

"Here you go, baby." Her hand came up from under the duvet, holding the wallet out for you. You pecked her lips as a thank you and Jennie watched you open your wallet, making her move slightly so you could use the hand around her waist a bit better. You took out the photo strip since you didn't want it to get ruined in your wallet and Jennie guided your hand so she could look better at the photos. "Told you that she bit me." You said since she didn't believe you earlier, watching Jennie smile, yet another one of your favourite smiles. "You probably deserved it though, I know how you can be so I don't blame her." She simply stated, knowing you very well too. "Aren't you quick to pick sides?" You only received an eye-roll from Jennie at that as she was still looking at the photos.

"These are cute though, just don't ruin them by accident." Jennie said and looked over the photos one last time before letting go of your hand. You hummed and put your wallet on the bedside table by your phone before placing the photo strip by your things too. "That's exactly what she said too." You said, remembering how Chaeyoung told you how some things are fragile, seemingly she wasn't the only one that knew how careless you could be but Jennie knew that too. "Well, some things are fragile." It almost felt as if it was Chaeyoung speaking as she just said the same thing as her. You sighed and turned your body to lay on your side, meeting Jennie's eyes.

Chuckling as Jennie's hands tried to squeeze themselves under you for more warmth as her body was still a bit cold. "Is it that cold?" You questioned and Jennie pouted before nodding her head. You pecked her lips, trying to pull away but she chased right after you, making you lean back in, giving her a lingering kiss instead. You pulled away and Jennie groaned when you moved to lay on top of her. "Is this warm enough, baby?" You asked, trying your best to just warm up your girlfriend since she seemed to be freezing cold by shoving her hands under your body to warm them up. "You're crushing me." Jennie whined out, but it quickly turned into giggles as she squirmed under you trying to get you off her.

You wrapped your arms around her waist and with a huff turned over, taking Jennie with you who squeaked in surprise. "Y/n, my parents are asleep." Jennie warned not wanting to wake her parents up, acting like you were the one to let out that squeak. "I am positive that the squeak did not leave my mouth but yours princess." You said as her voice was lighter than yours and this time you tried to squirm away from Jennie when she poked your sides, making you squeak this time. You laughed as she continued to tickle your sides, her shorter frame basically glued on top of you as you couldn't seem to push her off you. "I am going to scream if you don't stop." You laughed out not knowing what else to say as she wouldn't stop tickling you, slowly getting out of breath.

You got stopped from making any type of sound when Jennie quickly kissed you when you were about to scream. Kissing back as she slowly moved her lips against yours, your breathing still heavy after her hands attacked you, making you pull away sooner than you wanted. "I love you." Jennie said right after you two pulled away, your arms wrapped around her waist, hugging her closer before lifting your head to peck her lips. Jennie sighed and placed her head right below your chin, leaving a lingering kiss on top of her head and closing your eyes. "I love you." You mumbled against the top of her head, unwrapping your one arm to pull the duvet over you two before sneaking both of your warm hands under her shirt, caressing her skin. Jennie hummed and you felt her lips leave a small kiss on your collarbone. The comfortable silence between you two engulfed you both, leaving you with a soft and warm feeling with each other.

Jennie flinched slightly on top of you, getting startled by your phone that went off, buzzing on her bedside table. You looked towards your phone, Jennie pushing herself up slightly and reaching for it, a small frown appeared and she looked confused. "It's Alice...you should probably answer, it might be important." Jennie said and handed the phone to you, both of you confused about why Chaeyoung's sister would be calling you at around 1:30 am. Taking the phone, you answered and Jennie watched you do so.

You didn't even manage to ask her anything before feeling regret at picking up this phone call because this phone call was going to be the cause of many sleepless nights. You unwrapped your arm from around Jennie, sitting up on the bed and your girlfriend felt nothing but worry as she sat beside you, watching all the different emotions go through your eyes before they held nothing else but tears. You could feel your whole body and brain just shut down at what you got to hear, clenching the phone in your hold so you wouldn't drop it as you felt the energy get drained from you. A sob left your mouth as Alice finished explaining what happened to you and you only hung up on the crying girl.

"Y/n...what happened-." You cut Jennie off as you broke down in tears, getting pulled into your girlfriend's arms. "Chaeyoung- she- she's...Jennie, she's-." You couldn't form a sentence as you choked on your sobs, gripping onto Jennie's shirt. Jennie had seen you break down and cry before, but this time it was different, your cries held pure pain, and suffering and she felt her own eyes tear up, trying to hold you as close as possible as you cried on her chest. You felt your heart clench so hard that it broke to pieces and the air just got heavy around you and you knew that it would never be light again. "She's gone...Chaeyoung- she's- she...killed herself." You forced the words out of yourself as you didn't dare to accept them let alone to have to say them out loud was torturous.

Suddenly your whole life turned around in the span of a second.

Or maybe this wasn't where she was supposed to be at all and she actually was where she was supposed to be. Maybe Chaeyoung was right where she was supposed to be. That was the thing with Chaeyoung no one ever knew what she was up to or where she could be unless that someone was you but now even you couldn't tell where exactly she was except that she was gone and no longer here. Your best friend was no longer by your side and hadn't been for the past two months.

You had spent the past two months wondering if you missed any signs, but it only turned out that Chaeyoung didn't tell you everything. She told you what you wanted to hear, what she wanted you to hear and believe. She never wanted you to know what was going on in her life because she preferred to see you smile, to see you being happy around her and not worried. That's what you tried to assume.

You continued to fiddle with the sleeve of your hoodie and blinked your eyes to stop your tears from falling in the middle of class, you couldn't tear your gaze away from her seat that was right next to your table. Even if it was the case that this wasn't where she was supposed to be, in your head, this was right where she was supposed to be. Chaeyoung was supposed to be sitting right there, she was supposed to be talking to you in a hushed tone while the teacher is busy explaining in front of the class. She was supposed to still be here, be with you, hang out with you, you two were still supposed to share secrets with each other and make promises.

That day was the last time you hugged Chaeyoung, the last time you heard her voice in person, the last time you felt her body while it was still warm, the last time you both said 'I love you' to each other. That day you heard her laugh for the last time, say your name for the last time, you two made your last promises that day, the last time you saw her smile at you. That day was the last time you created memories together with Chaeyoung. Now she was gone.

You got stopped from pulling on your sleeve when Jennie grabbed your hand in hers sensing that nothing was ok right now. Nothing had been ok ever since that phone call, but you managed to somewhat keep yourself together to attend school again, but there were still those moments where you would falter and break down against your will. Jennie excused the both of you and got you to stand up and follow her out of the classroom.

Walking out of the room, she closed the door after you two and you already had tears in your eyes. How were you supposed to cope with the death of your best friend? Of someone who you were closer to than your own family, someone you knew most of your life. Your time together with Chaeyoung was cut short, against your will but by choice for her.

Chaeyoung left you.

"We should definitely go out for ice cream after practice...it's so hot today." Chaeyoung let out, a big smile as you two walked through the hallway. The girl was in her cheer uniform as she had her practice to attend, but tried to hide from her duties for a bit since it was too hot outside to continue jumping around in her opinion. "Oh Chaeyoung, practice first, ice cream later." You said as you bumped into her when you were passing through the empty hallways on your way to watch their practice since yours was done. Knowing that Chaeyoung was at the wrong place as the cheer captain- standing by the vending machines in the canteen and not on the field with her team.

"It's ok, I told Jennie to take over while I handle some business." She explained and skipped in her steps, it was much cooler inside than it was outside especially now that school was over and the hallways weren't packed with students. You laughed at what she said and she looked at you, she was about to stop in her place probably wanting to drag this out to not have to go out on the field again, but you were quick to put your hand on her back so she would continue walking. "What business do you have by the vending machines, Chaeyoung?" You questioned and she sighed. "Those are questions that I do not have to answer." You hummed, nodding your head already knowing that she was there to get snacks while her team was out there in the heat.

"Last one at the field pays for ice cream!" Chaeyoung exclaimed while already running ahead of you. "Hey!" You exclaimed and took off right after her, trying your best to catch up with her as she got a head start. Your laughs echoed around the hallways of the empty school.

You took her for ice cream that day and you paid too since she was the first to reach the field.

You sniffled as you looked at the hallway that was just as empty although this time none of your waves of laughter echoed around it. "Baby...talk to me." Jennie let out, worried sick about you. She didn't leave your side for a second ever since that night, staying right by your side to comfort you and just be there for you, she could only imagine how difficult it was for you and yes she herself had been grieving but the bond between you and Chaeyoung was just different- it was a loss for everyone who knew the girl though. One of the reasons why she really didn't want to leave your side was because she was scared that she would lose you too. Either lose you in all your sorrow or the same way they all lost Chaeyoung.

"How is everyone just moving on?" You croaked out, the tears in your throat suppressing your voice as the lump was there. There was no point in trying to hold back much more as a sob left your mouth. The shorter girl pulled you aside and away from the door, stopping by the lockers, holding onto your hand as her other reached up to your face, wiping away your tears. "Everyone is acting as if nothing happened." You cried and slumped your back against the lockers behind you, looking at your hands that continued to fiddle with the material of your hoodie.

It felt like you were the only one left that was still crying every night about Chaeyoung or waking up in the middle of it because you had such vivid dreams about Chaeyoung still being alive that you woke up happy only to break down within a second. Everywhere you looked, everyone had moved on with their lives while you were stuck in the past, still refusing to accept the fact that she was gone. "Everyone is just coping differently." Jennie tried, she maybe wasn't going through it as bad anymore but that was because acceptance came easier for her than you in this situation and she didn't blame you. No one would truly ever just move on from this.

"And for some, that means acting as if nothing happened and I know that it hurts to see people act like that, but it's different for everyone, Y/n." There was nothing you could do about this. First of all, you couldn't bring your best friend back- she wouldn't want to come back because she left by choice. Second of all, not everyone grieved the same way, but you hated to see how everyone just went on with their lives, went on with them without Chaeyoung there. How do you go on with your life when the person you planned your life with wasn't there anymore? You hated it.

Your eyes met Jennie's at last and you hated yourself for worrying her so much, you could see how worried she was every day and how she refused to leave you for even a second. Following you like a puppy because she loved you so much while you were too busy drowning in the sorrow Chaeyoung left you to even try and show how much you loved her too. "I'm sorry." You apologized and grabbed her hand that was on your cheek, taking it and leaving a kiss on her fingers. "You don't have to be sorry for anything Y/n. I am here to be through it all with you and it doesn't matter how long it takes...Just don't close yourself off from me." You only broke down more, Jennie pulling you down and hugging around your shoulders as you buried your face in her shoulder.

"I lost my best friend Jennie." Your voice cracked with each word as you were still trying to figure out why she left you. Why were you, the one to lose your best friend? No one should lose one, whether it is by death or another type of separation that isn't death. It felt like you lost a part of yourself together with her. "I know, I know." Jennie whispered in your ear, giving the side of your head a peck as she gently scratched your scalp in a try to comfort you so you would know that she was right there for you. She was there to hold the part of you, you thought you lost for when you would want it back.

You looked up at the sound of things rustling, Jennie holding onto your shoulders, her head turning to look where you were looking when she saw a frown covering your eyebrows. You were no longer in her arms as you walked towards the janitor, wiping away your tears while sniffling. "What're you doing?" You asked him pissed as he was by Chaeyoung's locker, your fists clenching in nothing but anger as he threw another teddy bear into the cleaning trolly. "Cleaning...it's the principal's request." The older man said, about to reach down for another one of the things by her locker that students at school had put there to honour her memory. Everything from notes, plushies, flowers and much more.

You were quick to grab him by the back of his shirt, preventing him from doing so, not caring about the consequences. "I don't give a fuck about what he wants...leave her locker alone." You gritted out, doing your best to not let your voice break like the rest of your body was, every piece of you cracking like thin ice. Pushing him away, making the man stumble back a step or two. "Y/n, calm down." Jennie quickly interfered not wanting you to get expelled on top of everything. You huffed as she gave you a look and you turned around, looking at Chaeyoung's locker that hadn't been used by her for two months now while Jennie tried her best to excuse your behaviour, succeeding as the janitor walked away with the trolly.

She turned around to you with worry when she heard one of the lockers rumble, punching the locker that was next to Chaeyoung's. You ignored the pain that spread through your whole hand, landing another one before landing more punches to it. You were so angry with the world. Who else could've done her wrong if not for the world and the people in it? Did you possibly wrong her too? You couldn't recollect, but maybe you did her wrong somehow. The anger and hatred you felt numbed the pain in your knuckles and maybe if you hurt yourself physically then just maybe, the emotional pain would disappear...even if it would be for just a second. You would be numb for just a second and that would be enough of an escape from all the emotional pain in you.

Jennie almost flew together with your fist into the locker when she grabbed onto your arm to stop you- succeeding without getting hurt in the process. "Stop hurting yourself." She basically cried out as this time her tears fell too, not being able to hold it together. It was hard for her to keep it together when you would cry and break down, but seeing you hurt yourself because of it was just the last straw for her to break down too. "Stop." She mumbled, her grip on your arm tightening. You swallowed, your throat hurting as you just wanted to scream from the pain that was growing inside you. All those screams came from the top of your lungs only to not pass your throat and instead just gather there and create a lump that was hurting. "They can't just get rid of her things...this was Chaeyoung's." You pushed the words through the screams that clogged up your throat because words were the only things that could leave your mouth.

Jennie ran her hands down your arm to your hand, unclenching your fist, your hand trembling from the blunt force trauma caused by the impact at which you threw those punches against the locker. Your knuckles were red already with the few places where your skin split open the slightest, blood oozing from those spots- it wasn't deep and it wasn't bleeding a lot, but it was enough to make Jennie more worried. "You have to let her go at some point." Jennie stated, knowing that it would only get worse if you wouldn't try and accept things as they were even if it was difficult. She didn't want to see you lose yourself this way, she didn't want to lose you.

Her grip on your hand stayed when you tried to pull away, so, you instead turned around and leaned against the locker, sliding down to the floor with Jennie crouching down in front of you. Her gaze stayed on your trembling fingers and she knew it was hurting- both the injury you caused yourself and everything else. "I don't." It came out as a whisper, the salty tears running down your cheeks. They were salty enough to hurt if they came in contact with a cut. They were so harsh that they hurt your eyes. "You have to, she won't be able to rest otherwise, not if you keep on acting like this." She tried to make you understand, wiping her tears with her free hand before her thumb ghosted over your bruised knuckle. Acting so negatively wasn't letting your best friend rest, holding her back because you were worrying her and you knew that in the back of your head, but you ignored that part of your head.

"Why would she get to rest? I haven't been able to rest for months because of her choice and I am just supposed to let her rest? She doesn't let me rest either." You argued, hoping that Chaeyoung was listening to you right now so she could hear how tired you were too now. It was all exhausting and every night you spent awake you spent it crying or wondering why she left you. She didn't even say anything, leave anything...no, she definitely left you a lot of things, one of them being the confusion about why she even left. She seemed so happy. Or you just didn't know your best friend, as well as you thought that you did. Would she still be here if you did anything differently? What if she would have stayed if you just simply had walked her home that day? Would something like that be enough to make her stay?

"Y/n...she left us because she was tired and now you're preventing her from getting that rest." You took in a shaky breath and closed your eyes, the only thing you could see every time you closed them was Chaeyoung and you hated it because she would always be smiling at you. Every time the sun was shining and warming you, you could feel Chaeyoung's embrace. You could still remember perfectly how it felt to hug her and to be hugged by her, crumbling apart every time as you were scared that you would one day forget how it all felt. You didn't want to forget any of those things. You didn't want to forget her. You wouldn't forget her.

"I am tired too yet I am staying." Jennie bit her lower lip and you opened your eyes. The only thing you could do now was to imagine Chaeyoung still being here, imagine all her laughs, smiles, cries, hugs and all the other things. Her smaller hand came up to your face, trying to wipe away your tears as her sleeves and skin have been soaking them up like grass soaking up water when it rains for two months now. It was a storm, but she wasn't going to leave and seek shelter, she was there to stand with you in the middle of it and let her whole body soak up every drop of water- every tear. "That's different, baby." Jennie said, she knew that you were hurting and that it all felt useless for you right now, but you were grieving the death of your best friend and would hopefully come to terms with what happened. Chaeyoung's story was different from what all of you guys knew. Different enough for her to not be able to stay.

You shook your head, not wanting to see it as different though. You wanted to believe that Chaeyoung had every reason to stay just like you. She made you look at her and you only now saw that your actions from a few minutes ago must've scared and hurt her. She was worried and she was here for you, but you couldn't help but yearn for someone who no longer could be here for you. "You have to understand that she just wants to rest now, but you're not letting her. You're tiring her out when she's about to reach the peace she left us for...You have to let her go and remember her for who she was and not for the pain she left. I don't think Chaeyoung would like seeing you like this...I think you would make her feel guilty and sorry for something that was her choice." You glanced beside you at all the things lying in front of your best friend's locker.

"I just want to know why...Nothing is clear to me, it just doesn't make any sense to me." How could you accept anything when you didn't know why she left you? You ran everything through your head, but there was nothing that answered the why's. You held back a groan at the pain that went through your hand, but Jennie clearly saw the pain on your face. Jennie took your injured hand, holding it with both of her hands as she looked at it with a pout. "Please don't hurt yourself again- I- it's too much for me to look at and it hurts me too...I love you too much to be able to see in more pain." She said as you two were always honest with each other. Jennie was always so honest with you and it instantly let you be honest with her too, trusting each other with your words.

You ignored the pain in your hand for the moment, a small yelp leaving Jennie when you pulled her to you, hugging the girl close as she was on her knees on the floor with you, hugging around your nape. "I won't, I'm sorry...you know that I never would hurt you on purpose or do anything to hurt you. I love you way too much to cause you pain, Jennie." You apologized, it was something you had been doing a lot lately, feeling like you wronged everyone ever since Chaeyoung left. Although Jennie reassured you every time that it was fine and you didn't have to apologise for grieving. "It's ok...I'm gonna make sure that you get through this without any more bruises." Jennie stated as she was determined to get you through this, pulling away as she cupped your face, still holding onto her waist. She leaned forward and left a peck on your quivering lips.

"It's fucking horrible isn't it?" You asked Chaeyoung and watched as her features turned into a slight cringe and you groaned, letting your forehead meet the table as you rested your head against it. You were supposed to write an assignment for one of your classes but you were struggling. Asking Chaeyoung to check it out knowing that she would be honest with you and always tell you the truth. A quality you two had that not everyone would agree is completely good was honesty, no matter how frustrating the truth could be. "I can just help you with this because this isn't the best Y/n." Chaeyoung truthfully told you and she was always willing to help you with whatever it was that you needed help with. Whether it would be school work to something more personal. She was always there and never left.

You looked up at her in hope. "Could you?" You asked to make sure since you didn't want to bother her in case she had her own things to work on. Chaeyoung gave you a smile and nodded her head. The blonde looked behind you and suddenly you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, making you tilt your head back to be met by Jennie who with a tilted head looked down at you."Don't you have math?" You questioned your girlfriend as you knew that she had class right now. She glanced over at Chaeyoung before looking back at you. "It's fine...I already know everything." This made you look over at Chaeyoung who avoided your gaze already knowing that your best friend was the one who informed Jennie about you two being in the library because if she wouldn't know she wouldn't have left class.

"You two need to stop with this skipping classes and practice." You said because not long ago you were walking Chaeyoung back to practice and now Jennie was skipping too. It wasn't the first time and you were always the one walking them back to class. Jennie walked around you and smoothly made herself comfortable in your lap. "You're so cute, trying to act like the oldest one here." Jennie teased and pecked your cheek, Chaeyoung laughing at how you tried to fight the bashful smile that was fighting to appear on your lips. "Is that the assignment you have been working on?" Jennie questioned as she looked at the paper that was laying in front of Chaeyoung. The girl slid it over to Jennie as you hummed. "It's really bad." Chaeyoung commented when Jennie picked it up, the girl in your lap caressing your hand as she was already reading the paper.

Jennie sighed and put the paper down once she was done. "It isn't the best, no." Jennie honestly told you and gave you a sorry look. You rested your forehead against her shoulder. "I know...Chaeyoung will help me with it." You mumbled, the two girls sharing the same quality, honesty and always being willing to help you with anything that you needed. You weren't sure where your head would be without them.

You knew that it would have been over for you if Jennie wouldn't be right here after Chaeyoung passed. You always needed at least one of them and without Chaeyoung here anymore, Jennie was the only person who was holding onto the part of you that had detached from your body. If she wouldn't be here, that part of you would be gone together with you because if Chaeyoung wasn't here you had no reason to stay except for Jennie. She was the only reason why you were still here.

You slowed down in your steps as you watched the green bus pass by you two, feeling the air in your lungs get too thick to leave you. The air clogged up your throat together with those screams as you watched the bus continue its usual route without Chaeyoung aboard it. Time really didn't stop for even a second when someone left this world, everything and everyone just continued on with their lives. There was no stop so you could at least process anything in your head.

Jennie stopped in her tracks together with you, feeling how your grip on her hand tightened just the slightest, seeing how your jaw moved in anxiousness. What was it to you if the world continued to rotate? You didn't have to continue together with it...you could just stay right where you were, couldn't you? You knew the answer to that. "There's really nothing that I can do, can I?" You asked and looked at Jennie, she sighed and shook her head. "No, not really." She confirmed, you take a deep breath almost gasping for air as it was difficult to inhale at this point. You were so desperate for the air to get thinner so it would get easier to breathe again, but that just didn't happen.

"I want to...see her." Jennie's lips parted at your words. "Are you sure?" She asked you to make sure that you wanted this. She knew that you would go at some point, but she didn't want you to force yourself because it was difficult for you to say the least. "I'm sure."

-

Jennie could feel how each of your steps got heavier and more hesitant the closer you two got. The air was even thicker here and it crushed your insides because of how heavy it was. "Do you want me to wait here or come with you?" Jennie asked as you two stopped, your eyes already looking towards Chaeyoung's direction. The girl had already been here a few times when she had time while you hadn't, thinking that maybe you needed to be alone for this. "You will be right here, right?" You asked her to make sure since you were scared of just getting left alone by the only person you had left that was keeping you here. Chaeyoung left you with fear. "Of course...I will sit right here on this bench and won't move an inch." Jennie reassured you, her thumb gently rubbing your knuckles on the hand that wasn't injured.

"Just take your time." She gave your hand a light squeeze before letting go as you nodded, taking those heavy steps towards your best friend's grave. Your feet felt heavier and the soil under your feet felt like quicksand, pulling you down further the closer you got. It had been two months and it looked like people were still regularly coming here as there were fresh flowers and grave candles on her grave.

You came to a stop as you were right in front of the place where your best friend was resting. You hadn't visited Chaeyoung ever since they lowered her into the cold ground. Your hand gripped harder around the flowers you were holding in your hand, your jaw clenching but it all was for nothing as the pain slipped right past your lips. The keen cries left your mouth as you crouched down right in front of her grave, closing your eyes tightly as you kept on wiping away at your eyes. The tears seeped through your closed eyes as you slumped down, sitting on the grass, pulling your knees to your chest, clutching hard onto the roses in your hand as you buried you face in your forearm that was resting on top of your knees.

"Why Chaeyoung? Why?" You cried out with your creaking voice that has had enough of your repeated cries after your best friend. Looking up at her grave stone, your eyes landing on the small picture of her that was on the headstone right by her name. "I've been crying after you every day and night, only to get no reply from you." You said and bit your lower lip to stop your sobs. You knew that you would spend your time here and wait for a reply just like you have been waiting for one every day since she left. Only to not get one. "I am so angry with myself and I wish I would be able to be angry with you and not me, but you know very well that I have never been able to stay angry with you for even a second...You knew that all along." You somehow managed to talk to her, waiting for some sort of relief, but all you felt was sorrow and pain.

"I still dream about you Chaeyoung! You're still alive in my head. Yet here I am talking to your grave." You gritted out through your tears and sobs, feeling like a fool because of what she did. These day-long laments were exhausting and you could feel how you barely were able to continue crying as just whimpers of pain left your mouth. "Did you think that talking to your grave would be enough for me? That you could just leave me because I would get through everything by talking to your grave? That I wouldn't want to hear your voice? It sounds selfish but what else can I be when you left without any reason? You could've at least left me a damn note, Chaeyoung." You moved the flowers to look at them, the cuts on your knuckles covered by the band-aids Jennie had put on them.

You placed them by your feet and sighed. "You made me make all these promises that I now have to keep...Who's going to keep your promises Chaeyoung?" You asked her, wondering who would keep all these promises she made you. You were going to keep yours because you would never be able to break a promise you made. A groan escaped your mouth and you blinked your eyes, the tears falling right after. "You never really meant it when you promised to stay with me forever...You knew that you weren't going to stay for long. You knew and you left me, you left me without a single word about it. Didn't you trust me? Wasn't I enough of a reason to stay?...What made you even so sure that you could just leave, how were you sure that I wouldn't just follow right after you?" You were so tired, it felt like you would throw your heart up any second now.

Were you just supposed to come here every day now and wait for an answer? Was Chaeyoung ever going to answer you? Did she even see you right now? She had left you without a word. You always knew where Chaeyoung was since she always told you and talked to you. Now you couldn't even try and say where she could be as you had no clue because she never told you or talked to you about this. "I just...miss you." It always ended like this, with you wailing, bawling your tired eyes out like a baby to your best friend. "This is the- the longest I have ever been without you ever since we met." You weren't sure how much longer you would be able to be without Chaeyoung. "You should've told me...I would wait for you if you had told me what was wrong. I would be here and wait for you...I am waiting for you." All you could do was wait for something that wouldn't happen now.

"Come on, Y/n, it's only for two days and I will be back." Chaeyoung laughed out and pushed you away when you were about to cling to her again. "No, don't leave me." You begged, probably being too dramatic since the girl was only going away for the weekend to another city to celebrate her cousin's birthday with her family. "You know that I don't want to leave you either, but I believe that we will be able to survive two days without seeing each other- two hard days, but we will manage." Chaeyoung said and chuckled, but it sounded painful as she herself had tears in her eyes now. You let out a whine and hugged her tight, not wanting your best friend to leave for those two days. "I can come with you." You breathed out and she shook her head, rubbing your back.

"We need to start practising being away from each other for at least short periods and you can't leave Jennie." Chaeyoung reminded you about your girlfriend and she also knew that you two should be able to be away from each other for at least two days. It would be difficult since you guys had been glued together ever since you met. "I know, that's why I will take her with us." You mumbled since you and Jennie had the same problem as you and Chaeyoung of not being able to be away from each other. You assumed that once you loved someone you no longer could be separated from them for long. You couldn't be separated from Chaeyoung or Jennie as you loved them both too much for that.

"No Y/n, you're staying right here with Jennie and I will see you in two days." Chaeyoung firmly stated and pulled away looking at you, trying her best to not just give in and take you two with her. "Yes, I will tell her right now...she should be here somewhere." You said, looking around the hallway for Jennie, spotting your girlfriend already walking towards you and Chaeyoung. You waved her over to you two and she skipped in her steps. "Hey you two...Why are you guys in tears?" Jennie asked confused once she reached you two and saw that you both were on the verge of tears. "Doesn't matter why anymore because we are going away with Chaeyoung for the weekend." You stated and Jennie lit up at that looking at the blonde girl with a smile who only groaned in return.

"No, no one is going with me, you two are staying. It's just two days." Chaeyoung said and turned away from you and Jennie, opening her locker to avoid the looks on your faces knowing that she would just give in if she did. "Two days will be like an eternity for you two." Jennie commented and leaned against the locker beside Chaeyoung's to look at the girl, well aware of the fact that you and Chaeyoung would be shaking in longing after each other. Jennie herself hated being away from you so she completely understood it. Once you get so used to someone's presence, you aren't yourself anymore if they leave for a few seconds too long. You hummed agreeing with Jennie as you leaned against the locker behind her, both of you just waiting for the blonde to just agree.

"You- no, stop pestering me about it...You can like distract her by you know." Chaeyoung commented almost giving in before she slammed her locker closed looking at you two like you were parasites. Jennie shyly giggled at that and had to turn away from the blonde, burying her face in your shirt being way too shy to talk about what Chaeyoung was referring to. You rubbed her back and looked at Chaeyoung who shook her head, still doing her best not agreeing. "Please?" You begged with a small pout and Chaeyoung groaned at that.

That day she agreed for you and Jennie to come, knowing damn well that it would be hell on earth for you two if she had just left you even if it was for two days. "What are we going to do without you Chaeyoung? It feels wrong to just keep on living life without you here. You knew damn well what hell it would be for me to be without you." You spoke as you calmed down, wiping away the tears from your cheeks although they were still falling from your eyes. The way life went on even after death was something you couldn't grasp. What made everything so much harder was that you didn't know who to blame for this. You ended up being angry at the world and being angry with yourself.

"I failed you as a best friend...I failed you, didn't I?" You asked and looked at the picture of Chaeyoung on the headstone, looking at her with your tears falling harder as she had a smile on her face like always. It hurt so badly especially when you were sitting here, knowing that you failed your best friend. You failed someone so precious to you. "What if fail everyone else too? What if Jennie leaves me too? What if everyone just ends up leaving me Chaeyoung?" You worriedly asked your best friend, she always had answers for you. You always came to her for advice and help, knowing that she would be honest with you. The frustration you felt inside was indescribable when you got no answer from your best friend.

You were so lost without her. Chaeyoung was stuck in your head like a melody that you just can't forget and never will forget, she was stuck on repeat even in the worst moments making everything so difficult. You couldn't focus on anything else but the melody that Chaeyoung was. Would it even matter if everyone else just left you? You sighed and pulled your knees closer to your chest, hugging them as you buried your face in them. "Was there anything that I could have done differently to make you stay?" You tiredly asked, crying into your knees, your body shaking as you couldn't take the pain anymore. Your heart was clenching, trying to hold on to the pieces that it was getting shredded into. Your chest hurting and your ribs were suddenly constricting your lungs from being able to breathe normally.

"Didn't I tell you enough how beautiful you are? How good you are? How you are the kindest and purest person I have ever met? How your heart isn't made of gold but platinum since gold is fucking shit and gets ruined so easily? Didn't I say how much I love you enough? That you are my Rosie?" You sniffled and pressed your eyes more into your knees to let the material of your jeans soak up the tears. "I am forever going to miss you because I will always love you." You managed to look up again, sobs leaving your mouth one after another as you looked at the place where Chaeyoung was supposedly resting now. Weren't your arms enough for her? Couldn't she just rest in your arms until she would feel better again? You were so homesick without her arms around you and it made you wonder if she felt the same right now, the only time you felt somewhat better was when Jennie would hug you.

You used your sleeves to wipe your face, moving to reach for the flowers that were by your feet. "I bought you these...You always hated when I would buy you flowers, but still would always put them on your desk in your room and they would be there until there was no single petal left on them." You said with a chuckle, sniffling as you kept on wiping the tears away with your sleeve. "I wish I had bought you flowers more often though because I know that you secretly loved it...I might start doing it now, buy you flowers every week and give them to you." You heaved a sigh and moved to get on your feet. You looked at the flowers in your grip and with a deep breath you took a step closer to her, crouching down to put them on top of her gravestone with the rest of the flowers and other things.

"I love you Chaeyoung...I love you a lot. You know that a piece of my heart will forever belong to you, that way you will always have a piece of me. I didn't even have to make the promise to never forget you because whether or not I would make that promise, I would never forget you." You explained, your fingers gently running over the polished stone that was connected to the headstone. "You know...if it gets difficult up there just know that I am still always here for you if you need someone to talk to." You reminded her that even if she wasn't here you would still always be there for her no matter how far away she would be. Your arms were always open for Chaeyoung even when her body was cold and not possible to warm up again like you always did.

"I'm sorry for not coming sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone for so long...I promise that it won't happen again." You said and with a shaky breath pressed your thumb against the stone to seal the promise like you two always did, your tears falling and hitting the stone, splattering like raindrops that hit the ground. Although your tears had more meaning to them than the rain did. "I love you Rosie...I will be back soon so you won't feel alone." You stood up straight and looked over her grave one last time with a heavy heart. It felt difficult to leave her although you knew that nothing would happen if you left her now, always thinking about how if you hadn't left that day then nothing of this would have happened. A piece of you was in that ground with your best friend.

The cemetery was so quiet and peaceful even if people came here to sorrow, to try and bury their grief together with their lost loved ones. Because of that Jennie was in tears, hearing you talk to your best friend the whole time, your voice reaching her and she hoped that it reached Chaeyoung too. She was quick to stand up and wipe her tears when you approached her. You rubbed at your eyes as you stopped in front of her, feeling like a vulnerable mess, ignoring the pain in your right hand that was bruised. Jennie grabbed your balled-up fists and looked you in your red and tear-filled eyes.

"You're so strong. I adore you so much, Y/n...I adore the person you are." Jennie confessed her adoration for you, being the person she adored the most and somehow amidst all your sorrow you felt your heart flutter. Your hand went up to her cheeks cupping them. "Thank you for being here for me...I don't think I would be able to get this far without you Jennie. I really don't think I would be able to." You confessed as you were deeply thankful for having Jennie. She hugged your waist and rested her cheek against your torso as you hugged around her shoulders.

You were going to continue keeping Jennie warm even if you no longer were able to keep Chaeyoung warm. You weren't going to give up on Jennie, she was the only light left in your life at the moment, the only thing keeping you away from getting fully swallowed by all the darkness. She was the only one keeping you warm right now, she was the little fire that you wouldn't let burn out just like she was making sure that the little flame left in you wouldn't fully die out.

-

You were here for Jennie, you weren't sure if you would be sitting here at these bleachers if it wouldn't be for your girlfriend being part of the cheer team as the contest was taking place today. Two months ago you talked about this day with Chaeyoung and now you were sitting at the bleachers empty-handed together with your friends as your school's cheer team would be out soon. The cheer team were doing this to honour your best friend, but it was still difficult to sit here and watch. You knew how difficult it was for the girls on the team and the few guys that were on it too, they were for the first time in four years going to perform without their captain. Jennie had assured you that she was fine and to not worry about her, but you knew that she was hanging on by a thread today. That's why you were here. She would need you today just as much as you had needed her every day for the past two months.

You could feel how your heart started to beat in a heavier way, like when a steam train passes right by you and you can feel it below your feet. Hearing your heartbeat in your ears together with the familiar song. It was the song that Chaeyoung used for this contest exactly four years ago when she became the captain; it was their way to honour her, but you could only think of how you were here to support your best friend on her first big cheer contest as the captain of the team. All your memories were so vivid and you always broke inside at them. Hearing her name was enough to make you fall to pieces all over again.

"You got this in the bag Chaeyoung!" You exclaimed, trying to ease her worries slightly as she was nervous, this was her first big contest as the captain. It was a team sport, but still, a captain was still a captain and everyone was expecting her to shine. Plus the fact that she was 14 with a big audience like that made it just that much more nerve-wracking. "Do you think so?" She nervously asked as you two stood away from the team so you could have some privacy. She didn't want the rest to know how nervous she was, she only trusted you with this. "I've seen you guys practice and it was always great...I will treat you to nuggets if you guys win." You happily said and that seemed to make the girl get into her spirit, knowing that if nuggets were at stake then there was no way that she would allow anything to go wrong.

"Promise?" Chaeyoung said and held out her pinkie to you. With a smile, you hooked your pinkie with hers. "I promise and a milkshake." You promised, as you guys touched thumbs, she let out a small squeal and quickly hugged you, making you hug back. Something about having a friend that you were this close with made everything so weirdly nice. There was some sort of peace coursing through your smaller bodies and making everything else disappear. No nervousness, no fear, nothing like that was present and it felt like you were floating. "And I promise to do my best, especially as a captain." Chaeyoung exclaimed and you nodded. "You always do your best...but you should probably tell that to them." You said and gestured with your head towards her squad that looked like they were about to pass out.

They won that day and they did it three years in a row with Chaeyoung leading them, this would be her fourth regional contest and you bought her those nuggets and milkshake, it became a tradition. You took her to the small place after every contest that they won to eat nuggets.

The crowd erupted into cheers, making your ears ring as they finished. Your friends were on their feet, cheering for your school and Jennie did really great with the team. Getting on your feet, your eyes landed on Jennie, being able to see how her lower lip quivered and the tears cascaded down her cheeks, standing in Chaeyoung's spot as they were in the finishing pose; she was the girl's right hand, it was only right for her to be standing there. As they all were slowly starting to gather to get off the stage you made it through the crowd of people on the bleachers when Jennie quickly ran off the stage. Walking as fast as possible you reached the cheer squad, asking them where Jennie was; everyone on the team was comforting each other, their tears brimming their eyes and it was visible that this wasn't easy for them. They pointed towards their designated changing room as it wasn't taking place at your school and you took off towards it.

Everyone had moved on as you watched the students of your school applaud and cheer. The only ones that were still not fully over it were her friends that only tried to somewhat cheer for the team that didn't have its captain with it. Why wouldn't they have moved on? They didn't know Chaeyoung, she was just someone they passed in the hallways, she wasn't part of their lives while she was a big part of your guys' lives.

You knocked on the door and only got a sob in return so you opened the door, walking inside you closed the door after you and saw Jennie sitting with her face buried in her knees on one of the benches, her body shaking slightly as she continued to cry. God did you hate seeing her like that, you couldn't hold yourself together because whenever she would cry you would end up crying too, but you knew that you had to be strong just this once. She needed you. "Jennie...baby." You let out and the small whimper that came from her cracked another spot in your heart and you weren't sure how much more your heart would be able to take. Sitting down beside her, you wrapped an arm around her, making Jennie look up from her knees and seek comfort in your arms instead as she gripped onto your hoodie, wrapping both your arms around her body as she let you pull her into your lap.

"It's...all just now..." Jennie tried to explain through her sobs, but just ended up swallowing all her words, choking on them, and not being able to continue. She curled up into you more as she sat sideways in your lap, her knees pulled up against you. "It's sinking in now...I thought that I was ok now, but being out there without- without Chaeyoung...it just made it so hard to breathe, Y/n." Jennie cried into the crook of your neck and you felt your eyes water at her words, the mention of her name, it was all so much. "I could feel- I could feel that something was missing the whole time...and realized that it was Chaeyoung." Another whimper came from Jennie and she pulled more on your hoodie, burying her face in the material.

You both knew that the feeling of something, more like someone always missing would always be there now, but you two were never prepared for it to be that obvious. It was like losing a necessity and looking for it. Chaeyoung was someone important in your lives, it didn't matter if you knew her for 13 years or 3 like Jennie. The girl was such a big part of your lives and she suddenly wasn't here, meaning that a big part of your lives, a big part of you was just suddenly missing, simply gone and never coming back. "I feel like I disappointed her and the squad out there...there's no way that I will ever be able to lead anyone to victory, let alone lead as Chaeyoung did, Y/n." You could hear how vulnerable and insecure she felt right now, together with the pain and you could hear yourself in it all. Wondering how Jennie managed to comfort you so well at times like these.

"You have never managed to disappoint her Jennie, or the team...Chaeyoung- she-." You cursed yourself in your head as your voice cracked and you were starting to break down too. Feeling how your nose was prickling, making your tears fill your eyes in an instant because of it. "You're so strong for being able to go out there and lead the team for Chaeyoung, in her honour...She would only be proud of you, especially for being so strong." You spoke against her hair as you nuzzled your face in it, trying your best to make Jennie understand that Chaeyoung would never be disappointed in her. Your best friend always looked up to Jennie for how strong she was and she proved every day how much stronger she was than what you saw.

"She looked up to you, she saw you as a sister...someone who was always there for her and she could trust...she loved you so much that there would never be any room for disappointment, baby." You reassured her, rubbing her back gently when she got hiccups. "You weren't only her right hand on the squad, but outside of it too...she knew that you would make a great captain- that's why she chose you for that position." You pulled your face away from her and Jennie looked up from your hoodie, meeting your eyes. Her eyes filled with tears that ran down her flushed cheeks, her eyes were red and her lower lip started quivering again, the hiccups making it difficult for her to catch her breath.

You moved your one hand up to her face, using it to collect her tears, ignoring the trembling in your fingers as you looked at her. "You're so beautiful and talented...she loves you, they love you, I love you." You let out, caressing her cheek with your thumb, a lump in your throat as you felt a few tears managed to escape your eyes, but your beautiful girlfriend was quick to wipe them for you. You leaned forward and placed your lips on her forehead, leaving a lingering peck as she calmed down with every heartbeat that was slamming against her ribcage from all the emotions that were going through her mind and body. Jennie closed her eyes at your lips against her skin before she felt you rest your forehead against hers, her hand coming around your nape as she scratched gently. "I love you so much Y/n." Jennie let out a whisper and connected her lips with yours.

You were on your way to Chaeyoung's practice as usual after being done with yours, pushing the double doors open that led to the field. Your eyes landed on the cheer squad that was busy with practice- including Chaeyoung who hadn't ran away this time- so you made it to the bleachers where a few others were sitting, joining your friends. Your eyes just scanned everyone for a second, but stopped on the new face that was a part of the practice, realizing that it was the new girl that changed to this school two weeks ago. Although your gaze switched away from her and you looked to your side when you got nudged. "Who is that? I haven't seen her before on the team." Your friend Namjoon asked as he was waiting for one of his other friends that were part of the cheer team too, being a year older, 16 and you 15- a year above you- he didn't know that there was a new girl in the class below his.

"Uhm she's new in class, she started two weeks ago and I guess she got on the team." The guy hummed and nodded, you saw as he fought back a smile and you knew that he was onto you already since your voice never held a quiver when you would talk, but now it did when you talked about the new girl. You somehow managed to find yourself crushing on the girl and you haven't even told Chaeyoung yet- you were going to, but you assumed that she already figured it out because you were always so obvious and she knew you so well. "What's her name?" He asked instead and you glanced over at the field to see them slowly finishing up. "Jennie." Namjoon patted your back and stood up, giving you a wink. "Well, good luck." He said and your lips parted at that, but you didn't get to say anything as he walked down the bleachers, greeting his friend as the practice was over.

If he figured it out within a few minutes then Chaeyoung knew already for sure. You stood up from your spot and saw Chaeyoung already walking towards you. "You did great...well, from the few minutes that I saw you were great." You said and the blonde smiled big. "Great to know that I am good at stretching, Y/n." Chaeyoung said with a giggle since she saw when you came out on the field, which was when they were finishing up and stretching their limbs. You chuckled and shrugged, your eyes momentarily falling behind Chaeyoung to see the new girl- Jennie- packing up her bag while talking to a few girls. Even if your gaze moved away for a split second, Chaeyoung caught it and looked where you had looked before looking back at you.

"I think you have something to tell me...something along the lines of having a crush on the new girl." She teased you and you opened your mouth to say something but puffed out your cheeks instead before releasing your breath. You gave her a bashful nod. "Are you two friends?" You questioned and your hands found their way into your pockets so you wouldn't start fiddling with them as you tended to do that when you were nervous, fiddling with whatever came in reach like your clothes or bracelets or anything else. "Yeah, we're quite close actually...Want me to ask her if she wants to hang out with us today?" Chaeyoung suggested and saw the hope in your eyes as you looked up at her. "Could you? I'd like to get to know her but there's just no way that I will get the guts to ask her myself." You smiled when she gave you a nod before she pulled you with her towards Jennie.

Thanks to Chaeyoung you have an amazing and loving girlfriend. You've known her for three years now and been in a relationship for two, but it felt like you have known each other for so much longer. You were grateful about this every day, and you were so thankful for Chaeyoung, knowing that without her you would never be where you are right now, with Jennie who you loved and adored. Chaeyoung had given you so much and assured so that you were happy and you felt like you had failed her, not sure if you had managed to give her back enough.

It felt like the wind got knocked out of you like you were hit by a bullet train when you stepped inside Chaeyoung's room. It was cold. Why would it be warm if there was no one there to keep it warm? Her smell still lingered in the air and you clenched your jaw to stop your tears, you really didn't have the energy to cry more. You didn't want to cry much more, you came here for some sort of peace and acceptance, not to cry, but it was easier said than done. You weren't sure where to look for your peace in her room, you weren't sure if there was much peace in this room where her sister found her dead. You weren't even sure if peace with this was possible because all your life Chaeyoung was part of that peace.

Deciding to fight the force that was trying to pull you back so you wouldn't enter further, you stepped further into your best friend's room. Everything was left the same as when they found her. Her family couldn't bring themselves to move a single thing. Your breathing got heavy and everything felt so gloomy, it felt like there was a storm inside of you with dark clouds and heavy rain, the wind that blew so hard in your face that you couldn't breathe properly. You stopped by her desk, her things had started to collect dust and your fingers ran across the white wooden desk, picking up some of the dust on the way before stopping by the framed picture. You picked it up and looked down at it. It was a more recent one with you, Chaeyoung, Jennie, Lisa, Jungkook and Namjoon. The dust on the glass got wet and you quickly wiped your eyes as your tears came without a warning.

"See, I told you that this was a terrible idea." Namjoon complained and you scratched the back of your neck as you looked around the place. "Stop yelling at my baby." You stopped scratching your nape and wrapped your arm around Jennie's waist when she walked up to you. You gave Namjoon a smug look, having your girlfriend on your side. The guys tsk'd and looked around, hopelessness in his eyes. "Your so-called baby got us lost in the middle of the woods." He pointed out and you two looked back at the groaning behind the taller guy to see Jungkook who had tripped over a root that was sticking out of the ground. "You idiot." Namjoon let out and held out his hand for the guy that was on the grass. "You owe me a new pair of jeans, Y/n." Jungkook said and dusted off his pants, seeing a small green stain on his left knee.

"I don't owe you shit, you tripped yourself." You defended and he huffed at that. "And to be fair, I just wanted to be nice and show Lisa the waterfall." You continued and sighed, looking around and realising that Lisa wasn't in sight and neither was Chaeyoung. You came up with the idea of taking everyone to the waterfall that you had once discovered but you must have forgotten the way to it because you did not find it and ended up walking in the middle of the woods. The three caught up to what you were looking for and realised too that the two were missing. "Well...You lost the person you wanted to show this to." Jungkook deadpanned since you wanted to especially show this to Lisa as she was an exchange student and wasn't going to be able to see this any other time.

Suddenly you saw the blonde hair you knew so well behind a pair of bushes before her voice echoed through the whole forest, the birds that were nearby scattering to find a new and quiet place. "Hey! We found the waterfall!" Chaeyoung called out and you saw her wave you guys over as she jumped so you guys could see her more clearly from behind the bushes. "You tried." Jennie comforted and patted your back before taking your hand and dragging you to walk with the other two. "I was actually just about to take that turn and-." You got cut off by Namjoon who smacked your head when you were trying to lie your way out of it, the rest of your sentence just getting swallowed back down. "Quiet, Y/n...I rather listen to nature." He said and you rolled your eyes at that.

You smiled as the four of you made it to the other side of the bushes to see the waterfall you had been talking about. "It's really beautiful." Chaeyoung said and Lisa beside her hummed, you sent Chaeyoung a knowing look when you saw the two brushing their fingers against each other, knowing that they were tingling to hold hands with each other but were too nervous to do it. You and Jennie were the same at first. "Yeah...I need some memories of this place." Lisa happily said and showed her camera that she had hanging around her neck. "Here's a great rock Lisa...Just saying if you want a group photo." Jungkook subtly pointed with his head at the rock that would work as a tripod of a sort.

You placed back the framed picture of you guys by the waterfall. You had so many memories with Chaeyoung, but you weren't sure if they were enough. Taking in a shaky breath, you blinked away your tears and looked towards one of the walls she had in her room. Making your way to it as it hurt to walk around her room. It was as if there was poison in the air that occupied her room and you were breathing it in and slowly dying. You looked at all the polaroids on the wall, all those memories you wondered if she took with her to her grave. It all made you realise that time was the most expensive luxury in the world.

You could point at any of the photos and tell exactly what happened on that day, you remembered every day with Chaeyoung and you were so scared that you would forget them now that she wasn't here. They ranged from when you two were five to 18, then there weren't only pictures of you and her, but others too as she always cherished all her friends and family. Although your eyes had to do a double check when you looked at the folded piece of paper that was pinned to the wall in the middle of all the polaroids, your name was written on it and you frowned. Sniffling, you reached for it as it just didn't make sense for it to be there with all those polaroids. You removed the pin and pinned it back into the wall after taking the piece of paper.

The piece of paper looked like it had been ripped out of a lined journal as you unfolded it, letting your eyes scan over it. You stopped, realizing what it was and the air felt even thicker and more poisonous now. Clutching the piece of paper in your hand you turned around and walked over to Chaeyoung's bed. The lump in your throat was getting painful as you sat down in her bed and leaned against the headboard. It felt so weird to be sitting in it and you reached for the plushie, putting it in your lap as you hugged it and rested your chin on top of it. You closed your eyes, the paper still in your hand as you inhaled the smell of Chaeyoung that lingered on the plushie that you gave her when you two were seven and she had kept it all this time. Knowing that you had to face reality you looked up, your tears already staining the plushie as you with your trembling hands unfolded the paper again. Reading what it said as it wasn't just a piece of paper but a note.

I hope it didn't take you too long to get a hold of this letter that I left for you Y/n.

I first want to say that; I really hope that I don't have to be sorry or apologise for my choice. I hope no one is angry with me and if anyone is, I hope they won't stay angry for too long. I hate when people are upset or angry, smiles always suited everyone much better than scowls. Y/n, your smile always made me smile so I hope that you won't cry for too long because I rather look down at you and see you smile than be sad.

I was thinking about this for over three years now, I just couldn't leave you Y/n, not until I would help you find someone who would be able to be there for you like I always was. Finally that someone came into your life, that's why I want you to cherish Jennie the way I cherished you and you cherished me because I know that she will be able to be there for you through your whole life since I won't be able to be there for you in person anymore. My presence will always be with you though even if it's not in person, I will always be watching over you to make sure that you stay on the right path without me right by your side. I think you will be able to realise that you have found a best friend in Jennie too and not just your lover. I know that you have because I saw it with my own eyes. You two are each other's halves now.

I know that I promised to stay forever. I am going to keep that promise and stay forever by your side even if it's not in person.

I know that it's always possible to feel better but I don't want to feel better when I know that any second I can just fall back down to the bottom where I was a second ago. I also doubt that it is possible to go back to my old self and if I lost my old self, then I don't wanna keep going. It's the old me that everyone loves, it's the old me that I loved and I just can't seem to accept or love the person I am now.

I can't see myself doing all those things that are meant to be done when you grow up. College, work, relationships, starting a family or anything along those lines. And even if I can do them, I don't want to do them, not like this.

I haven't been feeling too well for the past three years. I could have told you, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I didn't want you to sit and worry about me every night because I know that you would do just that. I knew that there was no going back for me Y/n and even if there would be, nothing would feel the same anymore. Please don't blame yourself for anything and don't think that you did something wrong. You kept me going for these three years and I didn't think I would be able to stay that long but I did, but there's only so far a torn car can go.

I can only apologise for not having a good explanation for why I did what I did. I know it sounds complicated, but it really isn't Y/n, and we have always been honest with each other and I will be honest with you in this letter.

My will to not want to live is so strong that it's hard to find words to describe it. But I shouldn't have to explain why I want to die so badly because it's simple, I just want to die. I can't apologise for that, Y/n and I am really hoping you will understand.

That day, you gave me everything I needed for the last time before I would leave.

You gave me my last laugh. My last smile. My last cry. My last memories. My last hug. My last words. My last 'I love you'. My last promise.

You gave me all those things that I wanted to experience with you one last time in one day. You are the best person I have ever been with, ever met. There was never anyone that could have replaced you, done anything better than you or treated me better than you. Nothing you did could have been done better. I love you Y/n and always did, but unfortunately, even you aren't making it hard for me to leave this time. I wish it wasn't like that, but I have lost myself a long time ago, I don't know who I am anymore or maybe this is who I am, but I just can't accept the person I am now. You always loved me for who I was, I just wished that I would be able to love myself the same way too.

This is no one else's fault but mine. Don't blame yourself or anyone else, Y/n/n.

Aside from those hard times, I went through, amidst all that and before it, you always created great memories with me. I cherish all the things we did together and I hope you will cherish them for us for the rest of your life.

Please, don't stare at the sunsets for too long to find me because I am right by your side whether you feel it or not. I am right there by your side, holding your hand through it all like always. Please, keep all the promises we made, especially the last two we made that day and never forget me. I hope you can let me keep on living through you, through your memories of me, that way I will never die. Some people do live forever, they live on through you and won't die, you decide when they die by either remembering them or forgetting them. I hope you won't let me die fully.

I promise to be safe wherever I end up and put in a good word for you to God if it is heaven. Stay safe for me Y/n, keep Jennie safe and the ones close to you too. Love everyone unconditionally just like you loved me. Keep on living your life and don't hold back because time won't stop. Take my advice one last time, I can see that Jennie is the one, pursue a future with her because I know that you two will keep each other happy.

I love you Y/n, you're the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. You're special to me and always will be. Thank you for making me happy when I thought I couldn't be and thank you for giving me so many great memories.

From: Chaeyoung, your Rosie.

You clutched onto the paper in your hands and buried your face into the plushie, crying in pain and nothing else. This was what you needed in the end, this is what made you realise the truth, that your best friend was no longer here. You never failed her. She loved you all this time, but there was nothing anyone could do to change the outcome of things.

-

"I came just like I promised you Chaeyoung." You stated as you made yourself comfortable on the grass in front of Chaeyoung's grave. This time you weren't clutching the flowers in your hand, but you placed them in front of your feet. "I bought you flowers again, just like I said that I would..." You trailed off and bit your lower lip, smiling as you looked at the picture of her by her name. The girl smiling back at you and it felt all warm and fuzzy this time. "I found your letter to me last week and I just want to thank you for always being there for me." You spoke and fiddled with the grass you sat on. You let out a sigh and closed your eyes, letting the sun warm you up as it was slowly setting, but it was still keeping the cold from getting you.

Opening your eyes again you looked past her grave and at the sky, watching the sunset with a little chuckle. "I know that you told me not to look for you in the sunsets, but I just can't help myself at times...It just feels like I might see you in them." You explained as you still would catch yourself gazing at the sunsets whenever you would see one. It felt like Chaeyoung was right there then and you always looked so the moment would last a bit longer. "You aren't here anymore, but I am grateful that you were here for the time that you were...I'm just happy that I met you even if I wish that we could have spent more years together...I will learn to fully accept it as it is, for you and everyone else, Chaeyoung." You said and pulled on the grass straws, taking in a deep breath, you could smell the grass and flowers around you this time, even the sunset had a smell to it, and you could smell the warmth that it created.

Taking another deep breath, this time you could feel your lungs expand as the air reached you and wasn't heavy at all. It was all so light and fresh, it felt nice to be able to breathe again. It was as if someone was holding you back the whole time from all these things until you would learn to accept everything. Maybe it was Chaeyoung since she hated whenever you would be crying all miserable. "I want to assure you that I am going to keep all the promises we made, the last two ones we made that day too and I will never forget you...I will let you to continue live through my memories." You assured her. You were no longer waiting for answers from her because everything was already answered for you. You could let Chaeyoung get the peace she wanted, she could finally rest as you let her do so.

"I thought that you would want to know that no one is angry about your choice and you don't have to be sorry about what you did. I was never angry with you, but myself although after reading your letter, you assured me that I didn't have to." You leaned forward and placed your hand over the gravestone, running your fingers over the polished stone with a small smile. Removing a few small leaves that were resting on it and whatnot. Living life was much easier now that there weren't as many why's in it. Not only could Chaeyoung have her peace now and rest, but so could you.

"You know the plushie I bought you when we were seven, yeah...I kind of took it with me and I hope you don't mind although Jennie keeps on stealing it in the middle of the night in her sleep...She then wakes up and says that she thought that it was me that she was hugging." You said with a grin and looked again at the picture, meeting her eyes that were even glimmering in the picture. The sunset kept warming you up and it was just how Chaeyoung's hugs felt. You were about to say more when you felt something furry nuzzle into your arm that was resting behind you as you leaned back, holding yourself up with your arms. Looking at whatever it was that was rubbing against you to see a small tuxedo kitten. You moved your hand and picked it up, the kitten letting you do just that and you placed it in your lap.

"What're you doing here?" You questioned and looked to see that it didn't have a collar, inspecting quickly to see it was a girl. She purred and you placed her back down in your lap, petting the kitten as you looked at her. "You're so cute." You cooed and pouted at the tiny kitten as she was so cuddly, reminding you of Chaeyoung who always clung to you for hugs and cuddles. The feline made herself comfortable in your lap as she lay down with you scratching her head. "I'm gonna keep on coming every week to visit you and talk...I really don't want you to feel like you are alone." You spoke to Chaeyoung after looking up from the kitten. There was just one thing that would never sit right with you even if you moved on and kept on living your life. There would always be one thing that would always bug you. That there would always be a presence missing no matter how much time would pass.

"I still think that it's ok to miss you even if I am supposed to move on with life." You stated as a matter of fact, there was no way that you would ever just not miss her. You moved the kitten out of your lap, placed it beside you and grabbed the flowers. "Oh come on." You complained when the feline attacked them, pulling off a few petals so you pushed her away as she didn't seem too fond of flowers. Getting on your feet, you ignored how your shoelaces were being tugged at and your shoes probably getting ruined by the claws and you put the flowers on the gravestone. "You're the bestest friend I could have ever asked for Chaeyoung, I love you." You said and felt how your eyes got a little warmer, closing them to compose yourself and stop yourself from shedding tears. "Be safe and I will be too." You let out a shaky breath and smiled at her one last time.

-

"Jennie, I swear she followed me all the way from the cemetery." You defended as you held the kitten in your arms, standing right by Jennie's door after entering her room to get a bunch of questions thrown your way about why you had a cat with you. You used your finger and rubbed her nose, her paws gripping onto your finger as she licked it. "So you just...brought her inside with you?" Jennie asked confused as she looked at you holding the kitten, you hummed and shrugged your shoulders. "It's the cat distribution system...I think Chaeyoung reincarnated as a cat. Let's name her Rosé." You said and walked past Jennie who looked a bit baffled as you had inadvertently adopted a kitten just now, well, it was more like the kitten adopted you as she chose you. You were suddenly convinced that this was your best friend reincarnated as a cat because they were quite similar in behaviour.

Jennie got on the bed and crawled over to you as you sat with the kitten in your lap. "You really think that it's her?" Jennie questioned, curious and joined in on petting the feline that was purring, enjoying the moment very much. None of you ever crossed over the possibility of reincarnation and that it's real. Somehow it felt light to think that this could as well be her, it was comforting even if it didn't necessarily have to be true. You would like to believe that it is true. "I'd like to think that it is." You mumbled and Jennie's hand came down to yours, grabbing it as she caressed it with her thumb. "Then it definitely is...I don't think you would mistake your best friend." You chuckled at her words and she could feel how her whole body warmed up as you were finally smiling again without any tears in your eyes or pain in your voice. She could hear and see that you had come to terms with things and found peace.

You looked up at Jennie when she cupped your face and you both leaned in, connecting your lips for a sweet kiss that was no longer filled with salty tears. "I love you." You spoke against her lips and she hummed. "I love you." She said and attached her lips back to yours, but it didn't last long when you pulled away and hissed in slight pain when you felt claws dig into your thigh. Jennie laughed and you pulled Rosé away from you, holding her up as you gave her a look. "I think we should establish some rules here when it comes to the bedroom and Rosé...Cause I don't think any of us, including her, will be comfortable if she's in here when she shouldn't." Jennie stated and you hummed in agreement, a big smile on your face.

You were going to keep each promise and let Chaeyoung continue living through your memory, never forgetting her and always loving her. She was always going to be your best friend and a part of your life. Nothing would ever be the same, but nothing does ever stay the same in the end, whether she would be here or not.

[bowieandqueen11]

Monkey D. Luffy Confessing His Love For You Would Include...

Request: Hi! I absolutely loved your Straw Hat Birthday post 💖 genuinely didn't fancy Luffy until I read that and now can't stop thinking about him! I saw you wanted to write another post for him so how about a classic How Would Luffy Confess/Show His Feelings for you? I just know he'd be an absolute clingy weirdo about it 🤩 thank you!!

Awww thank you lovely!! SO glad to be sharing the Luffy love, and you're so right, he would be so clingy!! :)

Imagines always take a lot of planning and time to write, so comments are much much appreciated!!

(I do not own One Piece or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @general-cyno.)

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

Look, Luffy HAD to release his feelings for you. Right now. If not for the fact that every time he was in a ten centimetre radius of you his whole body shook with such perfervid vibrations he's nearly left a gaping hole in the deck, Zoro's clenched jaw was dead giveaway that he was ten seconds from lobbing his Captain off the side of the ship.

If he had to hear about it one more time. It was bad enough Mr. Curly Brows finding his way to butt into every conversation: placing down his whisk so he could clasp his hands to his cheek and turn to Luffy with such pulsing hearts catapulting out of his eyes at the mere thought of romance. Even worse was being subjected to Luffy's tireless campaign; the incessant drilling of Luffy in trying to make sure every crewmate knew his every inner, cogitating... sappy thoughts about you was starting to eat into Zoro's much needed nap time.

On second thoughts, hearing solely Luffy talk about romance was far better than hearing both he and the waiter prattle on about it.

Zoro placed his palms over his eyes and tried to block out the way the cook had begun fanning himself with the bottom edge of his apron. 'You need to woo them, Luffy! Make them feel like they're the most stunning person in the whole world- the most important crewmate on this ship!'

Luffy took a break from tearing apart the third plate of roasted beef and fresh bread poor Sanji had spent all afternoon sweating in the kitchen to bake to glance down at the meat quizzically. No - not quizzically, much to Zoro's chagrin. Luffy's eyes widened; his head tilted as he rubbed his fingers together and let his meal clatter back onto the plate, his eyes brightening as if he were burnishing all the world's sunsets between his hands.

He looked yearning.

What Zoro didn't understand - heck, what even Luffy himself didn't understand, was how long this long-held devotion had been balling in the pit of his stomach like gilded butterflies, trying to flutter out through his ever-growing smile. After his dejection at Shank's departure from Dawn Island, you had been the only person left in Luffy's life whom he still felt hope from. The only person, besides the kind Makina, who didn't treat Luffy and his dreams like a whimsical joke.

When you had found him on the shore of the coast that day: his legs shivering as he ignored the chill splash of the tide soaking over his legs, his straw hat hanging sorrowfully over his eyes, you knew immediately that all Luffy needed was a little bit of optimism. A little bit, as you stepped over the shards of splintered wood that you could only make out as the remains of a makeshift mast, of belief. As you folded your legs down on the sand and settled next to your friend and gently took the torn Jolly Roger flag from his clenched hands, that what Luffy really needed was your unwavering devotion.

Little did you know, as Luffy turned with bleary eyes and that - god - that still so tender smile twitching at his lips when he spots you, that he was thinking exactly the same. As you grasped his hand between your own and pointed out to the horizon, promising that one day the two of you would sail away underneath that spot: right there. That one! That little spot: those wavering streaks of shimmering gold that lay like a transcendental passage underneath the orbed sun, you could never have realised that Luffy would only reflect your adoration tenfold.

'Wherever we go, we go together right? You won't leave me?', Luffy has asked, wiping his snotty nose with the back of your intertwined knuckles.

'Of course! I promise, Luffy', you had recoiled with a laugh, wiping it off on his vest.

Luffy's so uncharacteristically still, so silent for a moment, that Zoro's almost tempted to shout for Chopper. 'They are!', he finally shouts, nearly making the table clatter onto its side with how fervidly his knee jolts. For a moment, Luffy looks almost sad as he drops the last piece of beef back onto his plate, but his spine is quick to shoot as straight as an arrow again: his wide grin blooming across his face like roped starlight when he remembers what he had been so busy thinking about mere moments before. And every hour before that. And every single day before that as well. You.

You had always been an integral part of his dream, and now he was beginning to understand why.

'I can't stop thinking about them!', he declares, much to a chuckling Sanji's delight and a groaning Zoro's annoyance. 'They're more beautiful than all of the meat in all of the entire seas!'

Zoro pinches his temples lightly before rubbing his hands down his face and crossing them stoutly over his chest. Sanji's quick to scowl over at him. Leaning back on his stool, the first mate sighs as he watches Luffy whip his head between his two cremates like a puppy whose just been tossed a juicy bone.

'What do I do now!'

'Just... don't... don't say that to them. The beef part. The rest of it's fine.'

Sanji clucks his tongue at the swordsman, desperately trying to hold back a seething retort. Instead, he turns his attention back to his Captain, coming to clean up his plate and reassuringly pat his shoulder at the same time. 'Don't worry, Luffy. You just need to show them that you care! Spend some quality time with them, shower them with gifts, offer them your hand when they're disembarking the ship... ', Sanji's eyes glaze over as he bites his bottom lip, and Zoro tries desperately to restrain himself from picking up the bowl soaking in the sink and dumping it over the moron's head. 'Such beautiful creatures should be treated with the upmost devotion.'

The only problem with Sanji's advice is, that Luffy somehow manages to become a thousand times clingier when he finally realises he's in love.

You'll be minding your own business: trying to eat dinner with your friends when you'll sense something sprightly and warm barrelling towards your side. Before you can even register why Nami's stopped chewing on a chunk of torn bread to wiggle her eyebrows facetiously at you, the jut of Luffy's chin weighs down on your shoulder. You flush, trying not to embarrass yourself in front of your crewmates (and losing your bet with Nami to see whether you or Luffy will cave in first and kiss the other one silly), you pretend to be intently stabbing at your carrots. Definitely not squirming your legs together under the table at the feel of Luffy's jean shorts riding up the edge of your thigh. Definitely not inadvertently hitching your breath as the harsh edge of his knee bumps against your own, his leg resting heavily as he your Captain nearly climbs on top of you. And definitely, definitely not feeling your hands go clammy with the intensity of Luffy's puppy dog eyes fixedly contemplating the faint splatter of blush on the cheek nearly pressed against his nose: as if mapping out the intricacies of your body was the most interesting thing he'd ever done.

'Y/n!', he finally starts, making you jump up. Nami was not impressed when your leg reflexively kicked out and hit her shin, but you Luffy was more than delighted when you slunk it back with an apologetic smile and hit the side of his big toe. Without a second thought, he wrapped his foot around your ankle under the table and nuzzles his forehead against your jaw. 'You've been training so much with Zoro lately, I saved you some of my meat so you can get big and strong like me!'

*Cue the shocked gasps from Usopp and Sanji, the controlled exhale from Zoro as he tilted his head back against the porthole and closed his eyes, and the self-congratulatory smirk from Nami.*

'I also borrowed some cookies from Sanji! They're super chocolatey. I tried a few to make sure that you'd like them!'

'Hey, those weren't for you!', Sanji bites his tongue and flops his tea towel down onto the table, but Luffy's too busy inadvertently ignoring the cook to care. His sole focus is on the sweet delight that blooms across his face at the thoughtful gesture as he fumbles some half-broken cookies out of his pockets.

'Sorry', he murmurs as he places them into your hand. 'I got a bit hungry and ate some of them.'

'On your way from the counter to the bench?', Usopp asks.

'Yeah, what is that? Like, ten steps?', Nami teases, but the words don't even register in Luffy's whirring mind. He's far, far too busy trying to stop his heart from pouring out of his gaping mouth like choking saltwater, he's blubbering so much. His fingers shake as he splits the last cookie from his vest in half and - as gently as he can - prods it against the plumpness of your closed lips. Once you've started chewing, you decide to return the favour; you barely half to lift the other half of the cookie before Luffy's nipping at your fingers like an energetic snapping turtle. When your pointer finger accidentally enters his mouth though, and brushes against that warm velvety spot lining the inside of his bottom lip, he freezes; the faint taste of sugar of toffee melts off your skin and against his tongue, and the usually so assured man forgets, for a second, how to breath.

It's only when your finger pulls back to wipe a few stray crumbs away from his Cupid Bow that Luffy finally springs.

'Y/n, let me get your crumbs too!' He leans forward with crinkled eyes almost closed painfully tight and pursed lips. Whether he was going to kiss or lick the crumbs off your face you'll never know, because at that exact moment Sanji tackles Luffy to the floor before he could get any closer.

Just want to warn you in advance: if you want to sleep alone, you'll have to bribe Nami into keeping watch outside of your room every night. Or you'll have to sneak off and try and stowaway in some old oaken kipper barrel under deck (although the stench is so bad you couldn't sleep anyway, and Luffy went wandering around the pantry for a midnight snack that he lifted the lid and found you anyway.) Because the only preparation you'll get before being launched into your hammock is the pounding of his sandals making the gunwales shake, and the slight pant of his famished breath before your door is kicked open.

'Y/n! I can't sleep! Can I come snuggle with you? Captain's orders!'

You don't mind though, and even if Luffy can be incredibly clingy, if you told him no he would feel sad, but he would always respect your wishes. It would be the worst thing in the world for him to hurt you in any way - seeing you upset feels like his heart is being clawed out of his chest, because in a way it is.

There's barely any time to plop your book down onto the floor and hold your hands out to Luffy before you're flung into the air like a ragdoll, his rubbery arms wrapping five times around your abdomen as if he were growing sunflower roots from his fingers: winding the roots around to kiss your body, rooting his blooms within your skin. Embedded together until you were almost sharing the same breath, Luffy passes out almost immediately; he spends the whole night snoring with his nose squished just under your eye, but you can barely sleep with the way he keeps rubbing butterfly kisses against your cheek every so often. It doesn't help that he keeps whining desperately in his sleep - his already clenching and unclenching fingers leaving their home in your side to claw at your thighs and lift them closer to his bellybutton. His dragging lips left a wet trail against the pulse point as he burrowed himself further against you, only settling again when the heavy weight of his legs squirm in between your own.

One time you were spending the afternoon wandering through the delightful market square of Seahorse Shore: the sweet smell of jasmine blooms woven between sun streamed lattices was matched only by the warm sound of Sanji's friendly chatter as he walked beside you, stopping from time to time to pick up and squeeze a rare fruit.

You froze when you heard something: an echoing pounding, like an elephant stampeding away from a wild hurricane that whipped at its tail, before someone jumped on your back.

You were about to toss the guy head over ass onto the ground, when you heard the delighted shrill of Luffy's frantic voice ringing against the shell of your ear.

'I missed you so much today! Mmmh, you smell so good, like meat and flowers!'

'Luffy, how did you get back here so quickly?? You were at the opposite end of the island!'

'He followed his nose back to you.' Zoro just turned around, deciding to take his chances getting lost down the billion white sun-bleached cobblestone alleyways on this twisty island than to stay watching the two of you be all lovey-dovey for another second. Gosh, by all the seas even Sanji yelped when he you stumbled forward, steadying yourself by wrapping your fingers behind the raised kneecaps Luffy had haphazardly thrown around your hips. The man hugged onto you like a koala bear backpack, because he had been apart from you for... hmm... twenty minutes?

He's always dragging you off for some big, wild adventure, I don't know, there's just something about the two of you sitting under the speckled shade of an orange tree with interlocked arms, a few fireflies beginning to peek their heads out from between the stout leaves, like honey dripping down from bowed boughs as you leaned against each other, watching the sunset. You were here. You had made it. You were free.

And most importantly, you were together.

Luffy lunges for your hand and starts pointing at the grass swaying between your shoes, excitedly telling you about all the bugs and beetles running around the soil (to Luffy, a big part of love is trying to share what you're passionate about with each other.) He does lift up a stag beetle at one point and places it on your hand, but he starts to panic when the insect frantically starts scurrying up your arm. Somehow you end up face down in the dirt with Luffy leaning over your back; the buttons of his Hawaiian shirt sway over your spine as his chest heaves, his lips dangerously close to being only a few centimetres away from landing on your shoulder blade. You would have blushed at the proximity if you weren't too busy picking grass blades out of your hair, and trying to help Luffy's stretchy arms unloop themselves from under your armpits.

When Luffy gets to flop his head back down into your lap though, feeling you card your fingers through his hair, all is right in the world again. For a while, the two of you just exist: watching the sunset brew violet and lilac gleams across your eyeline, talking about your latest adventure against Captain Kuro at Syrup Village and playing with each others shaky fingers. Its only when you take a break from stroking his curly hair against your palm that he stops and pouts, blinking rapidly up at you. When you lean forward though, tickling that soft spot between his earlobe and the cute freckle by his jaw using your free hand to pluck a daisy from behind the rim of his hat and tuck it through the loop, a bashful burn shines across his face.

Before he can think twice, he musters his courage and determination, squeezes his eyes shut, and lifts his spine up so he can plant a wet kiss against the tip of your nose.

Your eyes flash as you pull back, tenderly rubbing your nose against his. Cupping his cheek, you press a kiss against his forehead and fold your enclosed hands against the rapid pulse of your heart. Your eyes never leave his, and his eyes trace your path in... confusion?

I mean, the two of you have been in love with each other since you were ten years old, and this is the first time Luffy's brain has stopped to think: 'Hey! Maybe Y/n likes me too!'

The real time he surprises you though is when he plops his hat on top of your head. You'd been caught up fighting some Marines off the coast of the Conomi Islands, and had unfortunately been struck down by a rather forceful cannon ball to the side of the Going Merry's railings. When Luffy bust down into the Medbay, you'd never seen such clouds thunder across his face. His whole body seemed to sag once he spotted you, his eyebrows unfurrowing as he almost tripped over his own feet in his desperation to get to you.

'I... I was so worried. I saw that Marine hit you, and I-

For once, Luffy stops talking. Instead, he takes his hat and places it over your tired eyes, hoping you won't see how flustered he looks when he leans down to press his lips against the top of your bandaged arm.

'You- you promised', his voice wavers as if he's about to start sobbing, but he hides the noise by wiping his nose with his forearm. 'You promised you'd stay with me. Always.'

'I meant it Luffy - I'm a Strawhat Pirate, you can't get rid of me that easily. What would my helpless Captain do without me?', you smile, brushing the back of your knuckles languidly down his the growing tearstains of his cheek, despite how much your whole body screamed at you to rest.

'Promise?', he asks, his voice shaky.

'I promise.'

He didn't have to say it. You both knew. You had always known. There was no one without the other. There was no dream without you.

So when he clumsily slapped his hands on either side of your cheek, smushing them together so you looked like a blabbering pufferfish, you weren't surprised. When he nearly sent the stretcher you were perched on rolling across the room by standing between your legs and pressing his torso up against your chest, you didn't blink. When he smashed his lips against yours, leaving kitten licks against the inner seam of your mouth as if he were trying to eat his way into your tongue, you didn't think twice.

All you did was kiss him back, the unwavering devotion that had always tied your lives together finally finding freedom by flooding into your hearts.

[ponku-po]

Rock ex Machina - MLP FiM Issue 79

[redsrooftopprincess]

Sunlight

MOAR FLUFF. I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I love soft Raph 😭😭😭

Raphael x gn reader

I promise I'll have some spicy stuff soon. 🤞🏻😅

You arrive at the farmhouse to prepare for Casey and April's wedding. The boys pile out of the truck quickly. They've been waiting for this. Once they pass out of the garage, they pause, just to bask in the sunlight for the first time in months. You feel a warm smile blossom on your face. It seems like a weight has been lifted, and it has. They don't have to hide here.

Raphael seems so much lighter, and the way the sun catches his scales is unlike anything you've ever seen. It looks almost like mica, shimmering and flashing as his body moves. He opens his eyes and catches you staring. The way he smiles at you...

Your breath catches in your throat as his amber eyes catch the sunlight. He looks like something ancient. Like some sacred statue you might find in the middle of a forest, covered in moss, adorned with a red sash tied in prayer. Strength and wisdom and primal magic. This is how he is supposed to be. Shining.

You offer him a warm smile in return, very grateful all of that was said inside your head, before you busy yourself with unpacking the car.

When you step out from the garage into the sunlight, he forgets how to breathe. He feels like he's seeing you for the first time. The way the sun makes your skin glow. The way it gathers in your hair. Shines within your eyes. He's never seen you in daylight before and he is awestruck. You are too busy carrying a load of decorations inside house to notice.

He was almost angry at the sun. It got to see you like this all the time.

...

You and Donatello are working on centerpieces, while Leo is going over the itinerary for the millionth time. Raph sits back like a lazy cat and watches everything, one arm slung almost entirely across the back of the couch. An alarm goes off on Donnie's smart watch.

"Guys," he says, and they all fall in line and make their way to the front porch. Slightly confused, you walk out after them into a violent sunset. Bright pink and orange streak across the sky, and the whole world looks like something magical is about to happen.

The boys have settled in various places, Raphael on the front steps, and you walk over to sit beside him. They are all watching the sunset in reverence. You look up at the turtle beside you, and it's your turn to look on in reverence.

Blazing in greens and reds and golds, he looks like a forest fire. A force of destruction that leaves the earth better for it. You think back on how you met, what kind of place you were in, and where you are now. He'd ruined your life, and made it so much better. You take his hand and turn toward the sunset.

When you hand finds his, he looks over at you. You are ethereal. The gold light catches in your hair like a halo. How the hell did he manage this? He knows that nothing will ever come of his feelings for you, but he gets to be the one sitting beside an angel watching the sunset. So, as far as he's concerned, he's the luckiest guy in the world.

....

The morning mist scatters the dawn into a soft blanket of light that swirls around you all as you begin setting up.

You're watching Raphael joke and laugh with Mikey about some show they used to watch as kids, and you are brought near enough to tears that you have to busy yourself with place settings so you won't cry. You've NEVER seen him like this, completely at ease, and he is so damn beautiful.

Moments later, you squeak as you're suddenly pulled backwards by two large hands around your waist. When you hit shell, he wraps his arms around you in a hug. Even if he did feel the same, he would never let you give up the human world for him. He'd sooner never speak to you again. So, you let yourself have this. Just for a moment. You rest your arms atop his and lean back into him, letting this new softness envelope you.

And he is soft, not a single drop of tension. You turn in his arms to look up at him grinning down at you. The mist that has collected on his pebbled skin sparkles in the pale light like diamonds, and his golden eyes hold a hearth fire, warm and comforting.

Soon they would have to return to the real world, but the farmhouse wasn't the real world. He bows slightly and places his forehead against yours. Your eyes fall closed, and the blanket of morning light settles around you as you both indulge in something impossible, if only for a moment.

...

After an incredible week, you're fast asleep as the garbage truck barrels down the highway. Your head is in Raphael's lap, and he strokes your hair gently.

He looks up to see where they are and sighs quietly to himself, preparing for the inevitable tension that always hits like a truck when they leave the countryside. He's surprised when it doesn't hit as hard as he's expecting.

He looks down at you, asleep in his lap, and smiles as a passing streetlight illuminates your face.

Maybe, this time, he's taking a little sunlight home with him.

[mewmewpercy]

Full Analysis of the Natlan Cast

Okay I'm wide awake now and have rewatched the trailer a few times. I also luckily found people confirming where and who everyone is based on so let's get into it. Please tell me if any terms I use are offensive I don't know the preferences for certain things.

Mualani: So she's supposed to be Hawaiian. The trailer made her so much lighter for some reason. Her drip art was more like that teaser from the 4.8 stream but like.....the inconsistencies are questionable.

Kachina: She's meant to be based on a spirit from a Pueblo religion. She also got lightened in the trailer and her art. I think it's been said she also shares the name of said spirit. Uhm.....here's to hoping that she at least gets that teaser tone because its better than what we just got man.

Kinich: Named after a Mayan sun god? I have to wonder what all the 8-bit and pixels stuff with him is about but hopefully I'll find out soon. He was also a victim of getting lightened by the trailer and drip art. Please at least give him the teaser skin tone if you're gonna make him white hoyoverse....

Citlali: So her name is a feminine(I promise I'm not trying to be offensive because I've heard Aztec is the wrong term but if it isn't please correct me I'm struggling to find the right terms) Nahua name meaning star. She also needs some colour. Not much to say on her.

Xilonen: Named after a Nahua goddess. She's close but still needs to be darker.

Chasca: I have words. Maybe the pyro archon wasn't the redheaded conquistador after all because what the HELL. Anyways her name is of Inca(once again tell me if this is offensive) origin. She's supposedly indigenous I'm just.....she looks like a conquistador just a smidge okay? I hope there's a not offensive reason for this.

Mavuika: She's supposedly the coloniser archon. Her name seems to be inspired by the name Mahuika who is a Maori fire diety. She definitely looks outta place like a coloniser would.

Olorun: His name is Olorun. Not Ororon. He's supposed to be based on a Yoruba God. Meaning he should be way darker. Because Nigeria. I'm very upset about this one I can't lie. He doesn't look like in any way similar to any depictions of Olorun. The announcements are wrong on his name in only English which is uncomfortable but that's not this conversation.

Iansan: I. What can I even say dude. She was there for barely a second and got hit in the head. Not a single voice line. She's still on the grey side of brown. The character who was the literal mascot for this nation was barely there for what reason.

Okay so my thoughts on this as a whole? Clusterfuck. Flat out clusterfuck. So we have a bunch of tribes and religions getting names stolen then not represented. Whitewashed dieties are such a weird thing to put into a game. Like this should be one of the most diverse regions and....this. That doesn't even touch on the fact that these different places of inspiration are so scattered???? Like dude what? Iansan is our darkest character and she's there for less than a second only getting hit in the head then running. Like that was our mascot for here. We saw more of this woman that looks like Sunset Shimmer in a Bayonetta suit and a Fatui Harbinger than our mascot. That's so upsetting. And these characters were obviously designed with darker tones in mind. You can see it when people give them their proper tone that yea this is not nearly as good as it could be. The only element of interest is this nation being in a tournament arc but at this point it may as well be them trying to call these people violent.

[waywardblazer]

Centuries

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Warning(s): Fluff, angst…but mostly fluff

Word count: 1.1k

Summary/Prompt: Hours before the curse is broken, you briefly bump into the infamous Klaus Mikaelson for the first time but you see something inside of him that’s unexpected.

A/N: Should there be a pt.2 where y/n reunites with Klaus??? 🤔

⋆ ━━━━━━━ ༺❀༻ ━━━━━━━━ ⋆

Tonight was the full moon.

That meant that it was the night that Klaus would finally be able to break the curse. The curse that binded his werewolf side and stopped him from becoming a true hybrid.

Despite everyone’s attempts, there seemed to be no way around it.

Stefan had taken Elena away for the rest of the day after Damon force fed her his blood. You had also heard about Tyler rolling back into town meaning that Klaus would have everything he needed. The ritual was going to happen regardless of what anyone wanted.

In the Salvatore mansion, Elijah had just gone over the plan once more to ensure that it would work. You were there simply so he could be certain.

“If the plan does not succeed, my brother will become The Original Hybrid by the time the full moon completes its final phase.” Elijah informed, his gaze moving from you, down to where he was fixing the cuff of his sleeve.

You gave him a small nod. “It’ll work Elijah. I…I know it will.” You attempted to reassure him, but the uncertainty in your voice betrayed you. He studied you for a moment before exiting the room. You watched him leave, sighing quietly to yourself.

Much to The Salvatore’s dismay, you found the existence of the Originals to be rather intriguing and had spent the better part of the last month or so getting to know more about them. By them, you meant Elijah, since he had been the only Original the gang had encountered. That was not including Klaus when he had been in Alaric’s body. In return for your curiosity, Elijah seemed to have grown fond of you.

Right now however, you weren’t of any help to anyone. You needed to get out.

Even though the mansion was exceptionally large you felt too pent up. So you headed off to the lake. At least there you could have a brief moment to think alone.

It wasn’t far, so once you made it you took a seat on the bench, staring out at the lake as the afternoon sun slowly made its descent over the horizon. The remaining light seemed to bounce off the water’s surface, making it look as if it shimmered.

“Is this where you go to get away from the Salvatores?” An strangely familiar voice spoke from behind.

You stumbled off the bench with a gasp and spun around on your heels only to come face to face with a rather tall man. Your breath hitched and fear immediately swept through your body the second you realised who it was.

“Klaus.” You breathed out, taking a nervous step backwards.

“Relax, love, I am not of any threat to you.” He reassured with a gentle grin, hands raised briefly in surrender. “I am simply savouring the last moments before I become my true self.”

You watched him wearily. Part of you wanted to run, but you dreaded what he might do if you tried.

Klaus’ grin seemed to fade. He couldn’t just see the fear in your eyes but he could also hear your heart as it pounded within your chest. He dipped his head and stepped away, creating some distance between you both.

“It’s a beautiful sunset, wouldn’t you agree?” He asked in an attempt to spark some sort of conversation to break the tension.

Looking up, you couldn’t disagree that the mixture of red, orange and purple colours that lit up the sky was beautiful.

“Yeah…it is.” You mumbled quietly.

Klaus smiled to himself as you continued to study him from where you stood. He could feel your eyes on him.

He remained silent for a good few moments before letting out a sigh. “I know you think you should be scared of me, but I assure you that you do not.”

“You want to hurt the people I care about so I think I have every right to be afraid.” You reminded him, bravely holding his gaze. You were surprised when he nodded in agreement.

“Fair point.” He replied. Then carefully took a seat on the bench. His gaze shifted to the ground momentarily before returning back up to you. “Y/N, if…there was another way—” He began but faltered in finishing what he wanted to say.

Your brows creased slightly as you searched his eyes. Eyes that remained on you. There was some sort of emotion hidden behind those centuries old eyes that you wouldn’t have imagined possible to find in the proclaimed evil Klaus Mikaelson.

It was Pain. Deeply rooted pain.

You didn’t know his story and yet it broke your heart to see such pain in someone’s eyes.

It made you wonder whether there was more to him than just how everyone portrayed him. That being known worldwide to be a ruthless mass murder, a monster and big bad wolf with no remorse was simply a facade to hide the concealed truth that maybe, just maybe he had a heart.

Turning to look back out at the lake, you realised that you had finally let your body relax. You knew he wasn’t going to hurt you. He had no need too. You mustered up the courage to sit down beside him. With a quiet sigh, you looked up at him. There were no words needed to be exchanged. You both just sat in a strangely comfortable silence.

As the night arrived, a chill filled the air. You shivered.

“You’re cold, love.” Klaus softly noted, a gentle frown of concern passing across his face.

You huffed out a quiet chuckle. “I’m alright.” You insisted. The way he called you love had your stomach fluttering in a way that made you mentally scold yourself.

Klaus didn’t seem to take that as an answer because he took off his jacket, gently wrapping it around your shoulders. He gave you a gentle smile, his eyes appeared to sparkle under the moonlight.

Your heart skipped a beat and your breath caught in your throat as you met his gaze. “Thank you Klaus.” You managed to whisper, pulling his coat around yourself for extra warmth.

He dipped his head. “Of course, love.” He uttered in a gentle tone before he stood up.

You tilted your head in confusion before spotting the moon high up in the sky. You looked back at him. You knew exactly where he was going.

“It’s time, isn’t it?”

The soon to be hybrid nodded. “It is.”

You let out a deep sigh. There was absolutely no way you could stop him and…you didn’t really want to anyway. No one should be denied a part of themselves.

“Go.” You said.

Only for a split second but long enough for you to see, he hesitated. Like he was reconsidering. But the urge to take back what was lost outweighed anything else.

“Goodbye, Y/N.” He murmured, “Hopefully we’ll meet again under better circumstances.”

He then vamp sped off with a whoosh, disappearing in a blink of an eye leaving you alone under the light of the full moon.

“Bye, Klaus.” You whispered. “And…good luck.”

[oonajaeadira]

Leave Off Your Wandering pt. 3: Autumn

Fandom: The Last of Us (TV)/ Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Reader: Adult female. Old enough to have been an adult on Outbreak Day. Wyoming born and bred. Sheep farmer, easy-going but confident and self-sufficient. Likes to sing, not a great cook. Childhood friend of Maria. No other physical descriptors; no use of y/n.

Rating: T for now

Warnings: Angst. Canon-typical tragedy (not main characters). Childbirth. A few names that may twist a knife.

Summary: You give Joel a lot to think about.

A/N: Set after season 1 and then diverges. Does not acknowledge the existence of further plot/seasons, although I claim the right to steal ideas and bits of cannon from the second game if I want to for plot reasons later.

It takes a lot to gain Joel's trust, and even longer to tame him. Thanks for sticking it out this long. We're finally shifting into acceptance mode.

“No, they do not make you look old. They make you look like Joel Miller in glasses. Just like the last five pairs. These are distinguished.”

“Looks like something my old man would have worn.”

“Your dad must have been a stunner. Assume the position. Bottom line.”

Turning him by his shoulders, you square Joel up to the line on the floor across from the eye chart at the back of the Jackson commissary.

“P…E Z O L C…F…T D.”

You pass him a handwritten note. “Good. Now use the bottom half of the lenses to read this one. Do it without squinting.”

Taking the paper, he squints. You pull on his arm to distance it correctly and he stops. He stares at the paper for a while. You might be concerned at the pause if he wasn’t taking a comically elongated time, breathing out hard through his nose, his jaw ticking left to right, feigning decisions, trying not to laugh. “Gimme a pencil.”

Without taking your eyes off him, you reach over to the counter and snag a pencil out of a cup and hand it to him, watch his eyebrows lift, his head shake, and give another dramatic sigh as he marks the paper before handing both the note and the pencil back over to you.

Joel Miller, will you go to the harvest dance with me? [x] yes or [ ] no.

“I don’t think these are gonna work,” he points to the black frames on his face. “Can’t read a damn thing. Not one damn word–” He can’t even make it through the sentence without cracking a smile, and only fully laughs when you playfully punch him in the arm.

“I’ll have you know this is a binding contract whether you can see it or not,” you join him in the tease, fanning the note in his face. “Just how blind are you???”

“Well, maybe I was working up to asking you the same question so…I guess not as blind as you seem to think.”

This slowly melts your laughter down to a smile. “Working up to it? What’s there to work up to? You mean… Did you…not want to?”

When his own smile fades, you realize too late that maybe he didn’t.

While you and Joel have fallen into a close friendship over the past few months, sometimes that’s all it really seems to be. There are moments that come close to something more–an arm draped over the back of your chair–or perhaps across your shoulders–as you stand in the back yard watching the fireflies, always a ready hand to help you up from a chair or the ground. If the two of you are ever in the same room, he’s always near, keeping you on his left where he can hear you. It took a while, but both Joel and Ellie have just stopped knocking when they come by, treating your house as they do Maria and Tommy’s–like family.

There are times he smiles in that way where his eyes shimmer and you think he’s coming around to falling for you. But he never pushes for more and you are beginning to wonder if he even wants that. After all, you’d learned from Tommy what life in a QZ can do to a person….and that’s on top of all the years the brothers spent surviving in some of the most violent and criminal ways possible.

Sometimes when you all sit out on Maria’s porch after dinner and watch the sunset together, he might take your hand in one of his–big, warm, roughened but gentle. And it’s at those times you almost forget about how he’d used it in the past. Almost.

With his bare hands, Tommy had said. Just come up behind ‘em and squeeze.

It takes time to become someone else. You always knew you’d need patience.

You just never braced yourself for something….a little less than affection.

“Listen, Songbird,” he sighs, his jaw shifting hard to one side. “I don’t want you to think–”

“Oh yeah, lookin’ goooooood,” Ellie’s opinion precedes your notice of her entrance. “Hey there, professor. I was looking for a book on relativity. Any suggestions?”

Pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose, he ignores her sass and turns instead to the commissary register to mark down the inventory he’s taking. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Maria?”

“Yeah,” she shrugs, picking up an earthenware mug from a shelf and admiring the owl painted on it. “Her water broke. Baby’s coming. Can I claim this mug?”

“What??” Your body jerks, ready to run, but just barely holding back, shifting all the dismay you were just collecting and using it to power a new anxiety.

Joel’s head whips around, the glasses staying mercifully in place. “What are you doin’ looking for us? Go get Dr. Johnson!”

“Unclench yourself, my good sir. I already did. Went to her–” she says to him and then winks to you,”-- and Willa, thank you very much. You two didn’t tell me where you were going, you think I’m dumb enough to spend time hunting you down first? I’d be looking up and down Main forever. Have been. Almost went out back to see if you were eating spaghetti in the alley with one long noodle between you. Baby’s probably already here by now, jeez.” She spins on her heel, tapping the mug with a finger. “I’m taking this, thanks.”

Joel exchanges a look with you, the former conversation shoved roughly aside for a new concern. “I’ll register it and grab a few other necessaries. You go.”

This is no time to pick up the dropped dialogue but… maybe…should you stay and help? Oh. It takes a second to click that you can leave it to him. You don’t have to tell the man what’s needed for a new baby…after all, he knows more than you. Even if it was a whole other life or two ago.

And with a nod, you shelve your feelings for one more day and jog out the door to catch up with Ellie.

_____

Willa’s just walking out the door by the time you get to Maria and Tommy’s.

“You’re going?”

“For now,” she nods, working her shoes back onto her feet. “She’s got a while to go. It looks like it will be a pretty straightforward labor.”

“Did Dr. Johnson have anything to say?”

Her exhale tests high for irritation. “She’s upstairs. Why not go ask her yourself.”

“Wait. Willa. Did she send you away? I didn’t want to call her, but Joel thought–”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m going to go take a nap so I can get through the night. But she’s using up all the air in the room and what Maria needs is to rest as much as she can and let it come. A good midwife would know that. Too bad the medical authority in this town is a gastroenterologist and not an obstetrician. It’s a baby and she’s treating it like an obstructed bowel.” Muttering something further about obstructions and matters of the bowel in regards to Dr. Johnson, Willa pats you on the shoulder before making her exit. “Maria can have water for a couple more hours, then sips only. Make sure she eats something.”

Upstairs you find your old friend in full concentration mode–laying on her bed, eyes closed, breathing hard, forehead smooth but glistening–as she awaits the next contraction. Tommy’s curled up next to her, holding one of her hands, his forehead to her temple, matching her breath for breath.

Her other hand is being held aloft as the good Doctor checks her pulse. “Family only,” she condescends as you enter the room.

“Good idea,” you say, plonking down at the end of the bed with enough of a bounce that Maria opens her eyes and glares from behind her belly. When you point to her swollen feet and let your eyebrows request consent, she nods, shuts her eyes, and focuses back on the process as you take a foot onto your lap and start to massage.

Maria groans in contentment and Dr. Johnson takes it for discomfort. Turning to you, her silvery hair pulled back into a tight braid, her frown causes her jowls to deepen. “I really must insist that you clear the room. The fewer distractions she has, the better things are going to go for her.”

You pull your stockinged feet up onto the bed. “Is that how it was when you had kids?”

“I never had children,” the doctor snaps.

“I see. Well, Maria said she was gonna freak out if I wasn’t here, so it seems now we’ve got ourselves a conundrum between what the doctor says and the patient wants. But, seeing as how this is her second child and she is very much my family, I think I’m going with her wishes on this. I never got to meet the first one; I’m sure as hell not gonna miss a minute of my new godchild.”

“Who said you were going to be the godmother?” Maria grumbles.

“I did. It’s your own fault. You left the position open and nature abhors a vacuum, so I’m gonna plug my old ass into that hole.”

“You are mixing so many metaphors there. Where’s–nnnnn,” her face becomes a wall of teeth as the contraction hits, her body a live wire as you and Tommy move to soothe. It takes a good minute for her breathing to slow enough to ask, “Where’s…Willa?”

“She says she’ll check back in tonight. You’ll probably be at this awhile.”

“Well, then, if you’ve got your magic healing woman then I’m not really needed here,” Dr. Johnson’s smile only travels halfway up her face. “Blood pressure’s doing well, no signs of abnormality. I’m sure you’ll be just fine. If you need me, you know where to find me. Just send the foul-mouthed girl again. Certainly with a set of lungs like that, she can easily wake me up in a matter of minutes.”

Nobody stops the good doctor on her way out and the train of her passive-aggressive, attention-seeking attitude trails behind her.

“She means well,” Tommy answers your scathing look.

“Your wife didn’t ask for her.”

“My wife’s never been through labor without drugs before. And she’s older now. I just…” his eyes soften on her with concern as he leans in and presses a kiss to Maria’s forehead, “I just want her to be okay.”

“She’s Maria. Of course she will be.”

The subject groans with a minor cramp. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here and go make me a taco. I’m starving.”

She’s less than thrilled with the berries you bring instead– “water and fiber now, carbs later” –but is placated with you reading her to sleep from one of her favorite Amy Tan novels. Every now and then she wakes up with a contraction, but a little soothe in your voice and she’s out again.

After a few hours, Tommy goes to nap in a spare room and Willa returns with a bag full of clean linens, ready to take over, sending you out to get your own nap in.

It’s quiet downstairs, the setting sun throwing long shadows through the western windows, mixing with a few faint rainbows still filtering through the leaded stained glass over the door.

Maria’s not far from you in age. If there were still doctors in hospitals, they’d call her pregnancy not just geriatric, but advanced geriatric. Even with all the medicine that used to be available, she and the baby would still be under the care of several wary eyes. If they both make it, they’ll have beaten the odds. If they don’t–

Slumping down on the couch and pouring yourself over it–just to put your feet up and your head down for a second…just a second–you push worry out of your orbit. This isn’t a world to worry in anymore. What comes comes. All you can do is what you can do. Maria is strong. Tommy loves her. Willa’s capable. The baby’s on time. Everything’s going to be fine.

It has to be.

It hurts too much to consider an alternative.

_____

When your eyes open again, the house is dark and quiet, the sun long since set.

Although, not so quiet when your stomach growls. Nor so dark either, as you notice a faint glow coming from the kitchen.

A simple investigation leads you to a tea candle burning in a jar on the countertop, next to a scrap of paper with your name scrawled on it and a plate covered in a linen dishcloth, under which you discover a flatbread sandwich.

One look at the handwriting and you can imagine Joel coming by to check up on things only to find you asleep on the couch. There was no gentle-but-possibly-disruptive blanket-covering, no “thought you could use something to eat” beside your name on the note. Nothing but reverent candlelight and one word to let anyone who found the plate know for whom it was intended, no requests or commands, just a quiet devotion, a simple offering to a sleeping idol to be taken or left as you chose.

If he doesn’t want you to fall any harder for him, he’s doing a terrible job.

_____

The final labor comes the following morning, Tommy holding one of Maria’s hands and you the other–both of you gritting your teeth as her grip leaves bruises–and Willa holding the soles of Maria’s feet, giving her something to push against.

Joel’s been tasked with guarding the door to the house since Maria’s taken to screaming with each push–not in pain, but in ferocity–and the neighbors have been coming around in concern. He’s quick to turn them around and send them on their way and you’ve gathered from Ellie’s reports that they seemed offended until she started volunteering the information that Willa is upstairs helping out. Then everyone readily accepts that all is well and being taken care of.

But Maria, she’s the real star of the show here. Yes, she’s in pain, and yes, she’s tired and weeping–no tears, dehydrated–but she’s nothing if not a fighter. She wouldn’t be in Jackson without that being true. And, frankly, Jackson wouldn’t be Jackson if it weren’t true either.

When it’s all done and the delivery miraculously comes off without a hitch, when Willa checks the baby boy over and finds him responsive and healthy, ties him off and hands him over to Tommy, taking her leave to go wash up and rest, the room is eerily quiet.

“Hello, little man. I’m your dad,” Tommy whispers, on the edge of tears but too tired to cry as he sits next to Maria and shares the bundle with her, the two of them staring down in awe at the tiny new human. “I’m your dad, and this is your beautiful, strong, fantastic mamma. And your auntie’s here too and we’re all damn happy to meet you. Welcome home.”

Maria smiles wide, the pain already fading to memory, an unnecessary detail she’s gonna leave behind her in exchange for exponentially better days ahead.

“Good job, you three.” Adding to the kiss count on Maria’s head, you start to pick up some discarded towels and sheets, preparing to leave the new family to rest. “Did you finally agree on a name?”

“Oh, I think I settled early on,” Maria sighs, completely in love. “Riley.”

You hum in satisfaction. “Nice. Where’d that one come from?”

“Ellie suggested it and it just hit me right. It’s a good name for a boy or girl, but mostly I liked it because it’s a fighting name. All riled up and ready to go.”

“Sounds like trouble.”

Maria snorts. “Oh, I’m sure. After all, he is a Miller.”

“Damn right,” Tommy whispers, bestowing his legacy.

It’s an easy decision to make, your vow of silence. You’ll never let them know you feared losing her. Not when there’s more now to protect, more to love.

There's been enough fear. It isn't worth your time.

_____

Over the next week and change, a routine easily emerges. You make yourself available during the day for any needs–help with cooking, diaper washing, or just rocking Riley while Maria has a bath or Tommy needs a nap. After school, Ellie comes by and adds two more hands, truly turning childrearing into a village affair. Joel’s the last to add to the party after the sun starts getting low and construction on the new district slows down for the day, earlier if it’s his day for patrol. Every night is family dinner night now and sometimes Riley’s actually awake enough to join them.

Ellie can’t get enough of her new little friend. If she’s got empty hands she willingly fills them with baby, either rocking him or laying him on a cushion to watch him watching her. She’s not had a lot of experience with babies or newborns other than the lambs, but she’s a quick learner. It’s just one more thing that this harder world has deprived her of. Babies were few and far between in the QZ and Ellie seems bound and determined to make up for lost time, not wanting to miss an instant of growth or change.

Joel, on the other hand, is more stoic. If he was hard of hearing before, it almost completely disappears when Riley’s in the crook of his arm. He can’t help but be captivated by his new nephew and you catch a fond smile creeping along his cheek now and then, but there’s always something a little sad behind it, and when the light catches a glimmer off the face of his broken wristwatch, it’s not hard to guess what he’s thinking.

It’s during one of these moments when Maria’s napping and Ellie and Tommy are out in the yard, that you finish up the dishes and plop yourself down on the couch next to Joel.

“Your arm tired? Want me to take him?”

“No. I’m fine,” he says quietly, trying not to wake the boy. But the silence is more for himself than the baby–Riley sleeps hard. For now.

You simply draw a knee up onto the couch and lean your elbow against the back cushion, watching them, chin in hand.

“Where’s Ellie?” he finally asks.

“Enough leaves are down. Tommy’s out back showing her how to make a leaf pile. And what to do with it.”

He chuckles, knowing exactly what’s proper and good to do with leaf piles. “We used to have a big maple out back when we were kids. Dad spent hours raking and nothing he could say or do could keep us from demolishing his work. Whip our hides and we'd be back out there the next day making a mess.”

“Well, at least lawn maintenance isn’t such a priority anymore, right? Just think of all the leaf piles this one’s gonna get. Let the destruction commence.”

“Yeah.” It’s slow and subtle, but the light slowly leaks from him, a twilight descending over his brow. “I guess there’s still a few pleasures to be had for kids in this world.”

This is why he’s always so contemplative with Riley. Worrying. Taking everything he’s seen and experienced and piling them onto one little baby, doing the parent thing, hoping that they’ll have a better life…but doubting that it could ever happen.

“There’s always going to be something, Joel. If the world hadn’t gone to hell, there’d still be car accidents and kidnappers and war in some far off country and the capitalist job market. A kid has every chance to have a good life in this time as in any other. And even if it isn’t in the world we remember, this one has you and me and all of us in it to look after one little boy who gets to live a life. Isn’t that what’s great?”

“Is it?” He finally turns to you. “You think it’s a good idea to bring a kid into this disaster?”

His eyes lay bare the puncture you’ve made in him, his sorrow and apprehension starting to vent, and it seems he hopes you can patch the hole because god knows his hands are full and not steady enough to handle the delicate procedure.

“Hey. Kids are going to happen, Joel. People are still going to find each other and fall in love and I hate to break it to you, but babies are sometimes a consequence of that. Biology’s a hell of a thing. But just because it’s not the world we knew as kids doesn’t mean it’s not worth living in. In fact, Ellie and Riley are going to do better than us, because they were born into it. They’ll have all of this kind of living in their bones from birth and don’t have to take twenty years to relearn it all. Or use up twenty years living life with regret.”

You expect him not to take that well, but he surprises you, softens, and turns back to the baby, his eyes skipping to his watch.

Maria told you once that sometimes she’s glad that Kevin died. He was still young–only 3 and a half–but he would have remembered. He would have held trauma. Back then, a lot of the little ones were lost, either to hunger or to attack…they didn’t know enough to be quiet.

Sarah on the other hand…. Joel didn’t know it, but Tommy had said once that Sarah would have never made it in this world. Too good. Trusting. Gentle. She would have been taken advantage of or become severely damaged by the shift coming in her formative years. Children are resilient, but a teenager’s psyche could be a difficult thing.

“Still not a good idea,” he mumbles. “But he’s here now.”

“Thank god. Maria needed another man in her life to boss around.”

He’s not budged by your joke. Instead, he side-eyes you, hits you with a cynical question, trying to knock you off your rosy pedestal. “If you’re so happy about kids, why don’t you have any of your own?”

You shrug. “Got sheep. What. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what.”

“Not every woman wants kids, Mr. Man. Even if they like them a whole lot.”

“Biology’s a hell of a thing.”

Catching his not-so-clever info gathering, you smirk. “I had other things to concentrate on. And in the meantime, the factory had blessedly closed down.”

He can’t help the instinct that makes him truly assess you now. “You’re not old enough for that.”

You chuckle. “I’m starting to think what you don’t know about women could fill a few books, Joel Miller. You let me know when you’re ready to brush up.”

It’s at this point that Ellie calls in from the porch, telling Joel to “get your flat ass out here! Tommy says you’re a champion leaf-piler!”

“Goddammit,” he hisses as Riley starts to stir.

“Go on,” you smile, holding your arms out for the baby. “I’ve got him. We’ll need to wake his mamma up so he can eat soon anyway. Go on outside and play with the other kids. Be home before dark.”

_____

A few nights later, you’re making assessment in a full-length mirror on the inside of a closet door in a room in your house you very barely use. When was the last time you really had a look at yourself? And when was the last time you wore a dress?

Sure, it’s a fall dress, fine-knit by Addie as a gift for bringing her on as a Roostling so many years ago. You keep it for special occasions, which means you get to wear it maybe once a year. The wool is undyed, so the natural oat goes well with your brown leather work boots. Unfortunately, shoes are at a premium, so having a second pair just for fancy isn’t really a thing anymore. Doesn’t matter. The weather’s been a bit wet and the streets a bit muddy. Boots’ll do you just fine.

But you haven’t worn your hair like this in ages. Freshly washed and let to dry rather than set back or under a bandanna for utilitarian purposes, you almost forgot what it looked like natural like this.

You almost forgot that you could actually clean up quite pretty. Huh. Imagine forgetting a thing like that.

The knock at the front door’s expected. Even though Ellie and Joel come and go as they please, tonight you knew he’d do the polite thing and knock. The comfortable part of you wants to call down and tell him to just come in. But the hopeful part of you knows that this is his way of making an effort. Of taking a step your way.

“You sure?” you’d asked Maria earlier in the afternoon. “You’re gonna be okay for the night?”

“It’s a dance, not a trip to the moon. And Ellie’s here. We’ll have fun.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, clearly not happy about diaper changing duty, but smiling through it. “Please. Go. Get him out of the house. The later he comes home the better. Bonus points if he’s not back until morning.”

“Jesus, Ellie.”

Maria only smirked in full agreement.

He’s waiting on your porch when you open the door, one thumb tucked into his belt, the other holding onto a porch pillar as he examines the sole of one boot.

“You step in something?”

“Shit, I hope not. I just cleaned these. I thought–” but of course he stops when he looks up and sees you. Joel himself doesn’t have a lot of extra clothes, and is dressed in a clean dark flannel and jeans, nothing you haven’t seen before–although tucked in this time–his hair is still wet and slicked back, exposing more of the gray.

Your getup, however, is a new sight for him, and he’s struck enough to let it show on his face. So you give him a twirl, let the dress swing a bit. “Get your fill, I only bring this out like once a year. You’ve earned it this time.”

The smile is subtle, but it’s there, along with the tiniest of nods.

It’s not a long walk to the mess hall, but on your way you both determine that Joel’s definitely stepped in something, and yes, it’s still worth holding his hand. Horses are gonna horse and stepping in crap is an everyday occurrence when you live around animals at the end of the world. He seems grateful and maybe a bit chagrined, but neither does he seem ready to let you go.

The mess hall’s brightly lit; several jack-o-lanterns carved by the town’s kids adorn the long tables which spill out into the street to make room for the buffet and the dancefloor inside. A good portion of the town is out tonight and mingling under the canopy of string lights.

Addie and Goldie are the first to find you and greet you, the former admiring her own handiwork on your dress–even if she’s much improved over the years–and the latter pushing mugs of warm cider at you and Joel. Willa, it seems, took to the Roost short after Riley’s birth, always opting to take solitary watch during big gatherings and celebrations. But she did help with the decorations and is responsible for a good portion of the cornbread on the banquet table. When they start asking questions about the baby, Joel politely excuses himself, muttering something about getting you a plate.

“And how’re you doing?” Goldie asks, nodding after Joel. “I didn’t think that grump would warm up to anyone, but I suppose you’re tenacious enough when you want someone. I don’t blame you. Grey Fox indeed. If I was twenty years older, we’d have to share.”

“Yeah, he’s coming around.”

“Didn’t think you’d ever take up with anyone again. I heard Ellie had a run-in with the lye.”

A sudden lump rises, nothing you can’t swallow down. “She’s fine. And so am I. Maybe I'm a little lonely is all. Maybe I got a type. Here’s to hoping I’m wrong where it counts!” You smile wide, clinking your mug with Goldie’s and drink deep, chasing away whatever guilt rudely decided to come calling.

Tonight’s supposed to be happy. Tonight’s your night with Joel. Just you and him. No family, no interruptions. The past is the past. And this night is easily the first of many.

Soon enough you catch him waving you down at one of the tables and join him for dinner.

“Figured you weren’t picky, so I got you some of everything.”

“Hells bells, Foxy. Were you planning on dancing with me at all tonight? Because I won’t be able to move if I eat all of this.”

At least he swallows what he’s chewing so he can answer you between forkfuls. “Don’t worry. I’ll eat what you don’t.”

“Then how are you gonna dance?”

He shrugs. “Didn’t plan on gettin’ rowdy. Not with these knees.”

“Oh my god, you old man. Did you really come here with me just to sit and eat? There’s a band playing. And they’re good. You’re not gonna dance with me?”

“To be honest,” he says, straining above the chatter spilling out of the hall and taking another bite of chicken, getting it mostly down before continuing with a pained squint, “I was never good at it. One of those ‘stand around with a beer and watch the band play’ kinda guys. But a pretty girl wanted me to slow dance, I could do that. More swaying than anything.”

“Well I guess that’s something to look forward to then.”

“Good thing you’re easy to please.”

It’s another hour sitting at the communal table, the night settling in and the fiddle and guitar music rolling out from inside the hall. A few friends come by to visit, Missy Tippett makes her way to Joel’s right side to flirt and he pretends to hear her, answering all questions with a “yep” even if they aren’t yes or no queries and you do your best not to laugh. True to his word, Joel takes on the leavings of your meal–nearly half the plate–while you chat with folks, and he rises beautifully to the challenge. Without having to scrape and scramble in the QZ or starving out in the wilds, he’s put on weight since the spring, just enough to fill out his hollowed cheeks and pleasantly soften down his belly. He keeps active with the construction enough that he’s putting away more fuel than storage, but it’s good to see him enjoying the harvest.

You’re mid-conversation with one of Willa’s brothers when Joel taps a knuckle on your elbow. Turning to find him with his chin in his hand, he points inside of the mess hall where a slow song just started, an old Buddy Holly tune, True Love Waits. The time has come then. Like the worn shoe that he is, he gets up and re-tucks his shirt as you excuse yourself and then let him lead you inside to the dance floor.

He’s an old-schooler, guiding you close around your waist and taking your hand in one of his.

In all the time Joel and Ellie have been in Jackson what you’ve felt toward him was a strong pull, a crush, an attraction. It’s been years since you felt drawn to someone like this. But it isn’t until this moment that you actually register the ramp up and learn that your species of butterflies don’t really seem to reside in your belly, but behind your sternum. The tip of your nose and chin tingle with the proximity to his, his breath warm and apple-scented, his flannel smelling of soap and being dried in the sun. His hand fits perfectly at your lower back and your arm was made to curve up and around his sturdy, ample shoulder.

It’s that feeling where you can’t seem to look him in the eye for more than a fraction of a second for fear of losing control, and so you focus on his chin instead, yearning to land your lips there.

It takes most of the song to realize he’s doing the same with the top of your head.

You should say something; it feels odd not to be poking fun somehow. But then, you can’t think of a damn thing to say now that you’re exactly where you’ve been wanting to be all these many months. Well, nothing witty anyway.

“It’s been forever since I slow danced with anyone.”

“Out of choice, I assume,” he answers after a while. “Seems odd you being here so long and not spoken for.”

“Not everyone has to be paired up for life to be worth living.”

“Maybe not. But it looks like you want to and I’m not sure how anyone says no to you if you set your sights. You’re damn persistent.”

The song ends and you break to applaud, ready to quip back. But there’s a look on his face, and expression that you’re not able to categorize in the context of this moment, only that it looks like he might want to leave or be alone.

“Joel, I’m sorry if I pushed you. I know you’re still settling in. I didn’t mean to–”

But the next song starts up, sweet and slow–You Belong To Me–and he doesn’t give you a chance to finish. He just pulls you in close, tucking your head against his shoulder under his jaw, taking your hand again and holding it against himself.

“I’m settled,” is all he says as you sway.

Determination. That’s the expression. A commitment laced with lingering sadness or fear.

And that’s okay, you think. After everything he’s been through, that’s okay. As long as he wants to be here with me, everything’s going to be okay.

At the end of the song he peels away, and while the expression has softened, it still remains.

You reach for his hand. “You wanna walk?”

He nods. You let him lead.

Outside in the crisp autumn night air, he doesn’t take the direct path to your house, instead, he ambles slowly down another road, toward Maria and Tommy’s place.

Joel’s a thinker. He’s got things to say but needs to put them in order in his head first. So you let him organize while you walk slowly beside him, the light and the pretty violin ballad fading behind you. It takes a little longer than you expect and you’re almost to the house when he finally speaks.

“I’m not good at this.”

“You say that like there’s one right way. Like I’m expecting something out of you.”

It’s obviously not what he expected you to say. “But you are.”

“Okay, maybe. But I’m also willing to meet you where you are.”

“No, that’s not what…” he breathes out hard, frustrated that his thoughts are getting out of order, but you wait. “You should be…expecting…something. You should want me to…reciprocate.”

“I do want that, but I can’t force you and I know it.” You amble on, watch his jaw tick. “Joel, I’m crazy about you and I’d love nothing more than for you to feel the same way about me. It’s been a long time since I felt that way about someone. But I know it’s different for you. I know you were more recently attached, and for a long time–”

“It wasn’t like that. Well…wasn't like this, anyway.”

You follow him silently past Maria and Tommy’s place–dark, everyone asleep–and take a turn that will eventually lead you to your own house. A block goes by before he finds his next words.

“Tess and I…our lives…we were…rough with each other. Cared for each other, but we were hard. We had to keep on our toes, couldn’t let feelings get in the way or make mistakes. But all that…stuff… We had each other physically but we kept a lot at arm’s length. Like a survival mode. Conserving our energy for things that kept us alive. Safe.”

“I think I understand. Tommy said–”

“Tommy didn’t understand shit. He thought I was using Tess. But he was wrong.” Even if he’s keeping his voice even, his eyes cold, you can see his fist clenching and unclenching out of the corner of your eye. “I…I needed her and didn’t know it. She was right there and I should have… told her so. That’s what I think I’m saying. I don’t have any practice in anything that isn’t just surviving. And I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

“Are you pulling a ‘you deserve better’ on me?”

Another look of surprise. Again, you’ve thrown him for a loop.

“Because I do deserve better. You’re right. I do deserve to be loved and to be adored and to be happy. But so do you. Most of us do. Doesn’t mean everyone’s gonna get it. Sounds like you spent the last decade and change denying it for yourself and to someone else. But at least you had someone. At least you knew where you stood. Me, on the other hand…I spent the last decade remembering something like that and wishing it would come back, knowing it wouldn’t, and beating off any chance of having it again like a damn fool. Maria ever tell you about Troy?”

His headshake is subtle, but his look of concern not so much. You decide to let it roll off you just as you had with everyone else in the past ten years.

“Figures. Tommy’s got a big mouth but Maria’s always kept her trap shut when it’s not her story to tell.

“Troy was my...husband. We were married for three really good years. He was a refugee, like you. Came through from Seattle QZ with his sister. Ash was a wild one, loved the sheep. She was the last trainee we had before Ellie came out. She had a habit of wandering though, hopping the barrier for berries and honey and just to run free in the woods without a care in the world. Almost cut her off from going out to the Meadow, but Troy spoiled her, took her side in most things. His only weakness. Damn, I loved that stupid man so much.”

Coming up to your house, you take a seat on the steps, not ready to go inside yet. As you continue, Joel follows your lead and ends up beside you.

“You ever wonder why Maria and I don’t live on top of one another? Troy and I lived in the house next door. Once he died, I couldn’t bear to live there anymore.”

The breeze picks up and you give it a minute to die down. Joel’s voice pushes through your silence just above a whisper. “What happened?”

“Troy and Ash were out at the meadow and they weren’t answering the check-ins. So Willa and I went out there with the patrol. Right away we see almost the whole herd gathered in one lay. Not like them unless they’re protecting a sick or injured one. And that’s what they were doing, all huddled around the hole.

“Can’t say for certain how it went down, but from the looks of things, Ash got herself bit, nearly took off her forearm. Back then the area wasn’t so cleared out and Ash liked to play her chances outside the barriers as I’ve said. Must have scrambled back in and come looking for Troy or he brought her back thinking he could fix it and found out he was wrong. He blew her face clean off. He must have dug the hole and put her in it. Covered it with lye. Got in there with her. Shot himself.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. Bodies were in pretty rough shape when we found ‘em.” The stars are bright tonight as you blink back tears in the dark. “I shouldn’t have let her go out there. I thought he would get her to take it seriously. I should have pushed. But. They were so close and I also know that I couldn’t ask him to choose my wants over hers. And in the end it looks like he wouldn’t have picked mine anyway.”

The power from the dam is being conserved for the harvest dance tonight, so the streetlamps are dark on your row. But the moon’s bright enough to catch Joel watching you, reassessing you.

“I’m very, very capable of deserving love, Joel. And I’m capable of giving it with my whole, stupid heart. I remember what the world used to be, and how it turned on a dime and how we all lost everything we were and had. And when I met Troy I thought that love could fix it. Nope. It doesn’t fix it. The past doesn’t go away. But it’s nice to have someone to walk through the better days with. To choose to live in the present and make it brighter.”

As if the world is an underscore to your story, one last, lonely cricket interrupts the silence, a holdout for the season, waiting a little too late to find itself a mate and a home.

“I’m a murderer, Songbird.”

It’s a simple statement.

“I know you are.”

“Just so you know. Just so you know what you’re getting into.”

Now it’s your turn to gather your thoughts. “We’re all a pile of our many selves. Who we were, who we choose to be going forward, how we see ourselves, how others see us. It’s all there, always will be. All of us a little broken. Fractured. But it doesn’t have to be just one thing forever. There’s no mark of Cain here. Just making choices every day to be the person you want to be. You find your people and you take care of them as best you can, and they do the same for you. You slip up, you start over tomorrow.”

And now it’s his turn to blink up at the night sky.

“You did what you had to do, Joel, we all did. We all had to revise the moral manual for a minute. Nice thing about Jackson these days is that there’s nothing you have to do. You can just do what you want, what makes you feel whole and alive. And if that’s something different every day, then that’s your choice. You say you’re not good at this, but you are. You danced with me. Walked with me. Listened. You’re just as good as you have to be and if you want to be better at it then you just...try again. You get unlimited tries.”

His expression is muddled in shadow, his face turned out of the light and focused on you.

Suddenly tired, you stand up and walk up the stairs to the door. “I had a nice time tonight, Foxy. The best. Even if it ended on a downer.”

“That’s my fault.”

“No. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just what life is now sometimes. Will I see you tomorrow?”

He’s slow about it, but he climbs the last few steps to the porch. You were wrong about the solitary cricket; there’s still a few still pushing the limits, challenging the first frost, singing to the moonlight.

Reaching out, letting his fingertips trail your arm all the way down, he captures your hand to keep you still and moves in, slow and quiet.

When he finally kisses you, it’s a tentative declaration, a promise of what he can give right here, right now; his kiss lingers in apology, showing you in every way that he has trouble letting go, unpracticed in being tender, but he’s willing to try.

Finally.

Every second lingered is worth the wait, only because you can feel that it won’t be the last.

“Guess I shouldn’t put off until tomorrow what I can start on today then,” he says when he steps back.

“That's a real good start.”

There’s not much more to say as he makes his way down the steps off into the night and toward his own house. No need. No expectations. There’s always tomorrow.

And since Joel’s come to town, it seems like every tomorrow’s usually been better than the yesterday before.

_____

You’ve been sitting on Maria’s couch knitting a sweater in the chilly morning sun for at least a good hour when Ellie comes down from upstairs.

“Oh hey, you’re here,” she says, throwing herself down on the floor by your feet and beginning to paw through your basket.

“I am. Didn’t have any plans today, thought I’d come and be on hand. How’s Riley?”

“Down for one of many naps. He’s growing so fast already.” Finding a full spindle in your stash, she begins unwinding it and forming it into a neat ball with practiced hands.

“That’s what babies do. He’ll be walking and talking before you know it.”

“We should bring him out to see the sheep when he’s walking.”

“We’ve got a corral of milkers in town he can visit. Probably not a great idea taking kids out of town. You’ll see when he’s up and about. Little kids like get away from you and hear themselves scream. Hard to keep safe if you’re dumb and loud.”

“Oh. Right.” She’s silent a while, slowly building her yarn ball.

“Something you wanna ask me? It’s not like you to volunteer to help with this part.”

There’s a certain way Ellie chews her lip and scrunches it at the same time. “I was thinking of asking you…if I could stay behind next time you go out to the Roost.”

That makes you chuckle. “Riley’s a little more fascinating than the sheep right now, huh. What. You thought I’d be mad?”

“No, just…I do like being out there. But I also feel like I can help here. For now. And I know you’re skipping your weeks to be here and I thought if I stayed you could go and then there’s still enough of us around….”

“The sheep are in good hands, they can wait. I’m in no hurry and I don’t mind being here. But I appreciate it.”

The yarn’s coming to an end, the ball in her hands reaching a pleasing softball size. “Can I ask you a favor then?”

“Of course.”

“Tommy went out to the reconstruction site and left his lunch and Maria asked me to bring it to him so he doesn’t come home for it and wake her or the baby.”

“But you wanna stay here.”

“Yeah.”

“Good timing.” Smiling and finishing up your row, you tuck the needles and sweater into the basket. “It’s a nice, dry day for a walk and I’ve been meaning to go see that sector. Tell you what. Eye for an eye. I go out there, you ball up all those spindles while I’m gone. Don't undo my knitting."

What the autumn sun is lacking in warmth, Ellie makes up for it with that spark of unbridled joy. “Fuck yeah, deal!”

_____

Swinging a bundle bag full of Tommy’s lunch and other sundries, you walk out to the old north edge of town. The wall’s come down here, another one erected a handful of blocks beyond, re-civilization slowly sweeping and expanding out as the need arises. The houses are in varying stages of disrepair, repair, and some have come down to use for scrap. Your elementary teacher’s house is still here, getting a spiff-up treatment and you’re remembering Mrs. Erstine and her roses fondly when there’s a sharp whistle and call of your name.

Joel’s walking down the block toward you with an easy smile and you return it as he nears. It’s been a couple of weeks since the harvest dance and you haven’t seen each other much outside of family dinners and scattered evenings at Maria and Tommy’s’. Between the rush to get some of these homes fit for winter and you helping out with all the canning and preserving down at the mess hall, a twilight trio on the porch with Ellie here and there has been your scant means of together time.

“What’s brought you up this way? Everything okay?” He’s good enough to bend his neck a little so you can meet his patchy cheek in a kiss.

“Tommy forgot his lunch and Maria wants to spare him a trip.” You hold up the bag. “And I brought treats for you too.”

His finger hooks the bag, trying to peek in. “Really.”

“Nah ah, not until you take me to your leader.”

“My leader,” he scoffs, turning and leading you up the street. “Ain’t nothin’ he can do I don’t have to come up after him and fix.”

“Speaking of fixing, we could use new shingles at the Roost. It’s been wet and I’ve heard there’s a leak.”

“Yeah? When you going out next? I’ll go out with you.”

Turning onto a more wooded road, you both follow the sound of hammers. “Well, Goldie’s up there now and I usually take after her. I suppose I could go next week before the rains really start up.”

“Next week then.”

As you approach a beautiful A-frame home, Tommy’s over to one side at a couple of sawhorses, measuring out a beam. Joel calls out to his brother with the same whistle he gave you.

“It’ll be just you and me,” you say. “Ellie wants to stay home with Riley.”

Joel’s head whips around. “What?”

“Hey there, ma’am-o-jam, what brings you up here? Everything alright?” Just like his brother.

“Yeah, all’s well. You forgot your lunch and my legs needed a stretch.”

“Oh shit,” he grins. “I was just starting to get hungry. Thanks.”

“No problem.” You gesture to the house. “This is really beautiful. It’s like a bigger version of the Roost.”

“It’s nothin’ like the Roost. It’s on the ground.” Tommy smiles as you swat at him. “We’ve started with all the houses that need the least amount of help, tearing down the ones that need the most to fix ‘em up. This one had a lot of protection from the elements–the sun and the snow–from all these pines around it. All the windows still in place. Mostly just had to clear out a couple of overgrowths in the basement–probably the previous owners gone to seed. But it’s all good treated hardwood. Good bones. It’ll stand another century or two.”

A small, involuntary shiver passes through you at the casual mention of dead infected. “Did you burn them? The previous owners.”

Your reaction doesn't escape Joel’s notice. “Did it myself. There were a few in this section. It’s okay. They were long gone. Dry as a bone. It’s safe here.”

He’s earned a smile, even if it’s a sad one. “That’s good. They must have loved this house, to want to stay here, even when they didn’t know any better. Can’t blame ‘em. Anyway,” you go through your bag, lifting out a small parcel and handing the rest to Tommy, “here you go. But this is yours,” offering the parcel to Joel but then snatching it away as he reaches for it, “only if you promise to be honest and tell me if you like it or not.”

Joel’s eyes light up when he opens the package. “Holy shit; is that…pecan pie?”

And Tommy winks as he takes his lunch and walks back toward the house.

“Heard it was your favorite.” You can’t help but laugh at his big dumb grin. “Don’t be too excited! I obviously had to make every substitution. Walnuts for pecans, honey for sugar; it’s not exact, but it should be close enough. Been working on my bakes.”

Taking a bite, he shakes his head in what at first seems like pain but soon reveals itself to be the opposite. “Damn woman. And you only bring me one piece?”

“You’re a carpenter. That’s a triangle obviously cut out of a full circle. You know there’s more where that came from.” It’s a pleasure to watch him lose a battle against another big bite. “I take it you’re happy.”

His mouth full of sticky sweetness but the crow’s feet setting in, all he can do is chew and cock his head, looking you over as if to say, damn right I am.

_____

Joel’s quiet the whole ride to the Roost. It’s easy to guess what’s troubling him. A whole week alone should be exciting, but he’s worrying about expectations again and there hasn’t been much time to talk about it…or he just didn’t want to.

“Meadowlark to Goldfinch.”

“Present.”

“Bringing a Grey Fox in at the north gate.”

“Noted. You brought your own sheets I hope.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Joel’s frown and straightened shoulders as he suddenly loses the sympathetic gait with his horse. “Yup. Both sets. For two beds. Man’s here to work on that roof and I’m only payin’ him in food.”

“Ooof. Poor Joel. He deserves better.”

“Yeah, well I’m working on it. Boiled water last night and I didn’t even burn it.”

The banter seems to have relaxed him back into the saddle sag for the time being, and you keep it up until Goldie has you in her sights.

“I know you like sleeping under the stars, Foxy, but it���s been cold and wet. Bed’s yours. I’ll take the top bunk.”

“Fine,” he grunts.

“And you’re not allowed to go up on the roof unless I’m around to spot you.”

“I can handle it.”

“Oh, I’m sure, but my nerves can’t. And this is my domain. I’m the boss out here.”

This gets you one half serving of smile with a side of eyeroll. “Yes ma’am.”

Once you’re settled in, Joel descends the ladder and starts going through the woodpile, looking for adequate repair material, taking up the axe to split some logs for shingles while you go take a cursory round through the meadows.

The sheep are mostly on the near side by the copse of trees housing the Roost, keeping a tight flock, settled down and facing into the wind. A few bleat as you arrive but none of them skitter, allowing you to pat a couple as they chew cud and to check any for painted marks in case Goldie found one of them sick or lame. Other than one small ram that wants to playfully butt you in the thigh, all seems well. The rest of the flock is mostly down by the river and you take a little time to make some noise and shoo them toward the others before circling back to the Roost….

…which is where you find Joel Miller up on the ladder prying at rotted shingles.

“What the hell did I say, Cinnamon Roll?”

“Hold your britches,” he calls down. “I’m just assessing.”

“How am I supposed to get up there and you got the ladder?”

“Oh now we have a quandary,” he jokes. “What are you gonna do if I don’t let you up?”

“You think I haven’t slept out with the sheep before? I’d have no issue with it but that it’s gonna rain, so maybe you should let me up so I can help and make that repair go faster.”

Coming down and moving the ladder to the balcony drop, he scans the sky with doubts. “What makes you think it’s gonna rain?”

“Because I read sheep.”

“You read sheep.”

“Yeah. They spell it out like a marching band. RAIN. Big letters. Cursive. Could you just–”

The ladder comes sliding down with a thunk and you climb, taking his helping hand as you reach the top.

He smirks. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

All you can do is shake your head and hide your grin. “Don’t you dare. I’m gonna get my gloves.”

As he starts to heft the ladder back up, you go inside and quickly grab a wool hat and a pair of deerhide gloves from your pack. Turning to go back out though, a glint catches your eye near the door.

There’s a new nail in the wall.

With a broken watch hanging from it.

Huh.

This must be the place where he feels like he can be free of it and of the past you gather it represents for him. A special spot for it by the door where he won’t forget it when he leaves, somewhere he can see it if he needs it, but not carry it so much.

It’s a nice piece but for the hole. Well cared for. 2:40. You realize with a little regret that you missed the anniversary, that Outbreak Day no longer registers. Which means you also didn’t–

He doesn’t like to celebrate his birthday, Tommy once said.

It had come and gone without much fuss. But also without any noticeable misery. Railroaded by a new nephew and hard work.

That’s good. He’s not forgetting, just letting it rest. Someday it will be a good day again.

“You gonna get out here and hold this thing or what? You’re the one said rain is coming.”

“Not me. It was the sheep. Hold your britches or get a better belt. I’m coming.”

_____

A gentle roll of thunder wakes you in the night and the Roost is dark as you listen for a moment to the rain pattering against the roof slanting up and over you, inches away. Tuning in, you train your ear for a hard patter, a splotch, any indication that the roof patch didn’t hold, but of course it has. It was mended by Joel Miller himself.

Well, at least it’s dry, but damn, it’s chilly. A glance toward the little iron stove shows you nothing but darkness, which means the fire’s out. As much as it hurts to leave the little nest of warmth you do have, it’s probably better to relight it and warm the place by morning, so down the bunk ladder you go, being as quiet as possible.

Somehow, it's always comforting waking up at night at the Roost. Your house in town is too quiet at night, too full of the possibility of unfamiliar ghosts--of those that lived there, of the society it held, of your own loneliness. At least out here you feel held by the trees and needed by the sheep. There are ghosts buried out there in the meadow, but they're long gone now, part of the land itself, land that was always wild and free and full of the kind of life that wasn't destroyed all at once in one day. Night at the Roost is a quiet comfort, a place of purpose and sisterhood and family. It's full of wooden and woolen things made by hands you know and is welcoming to everyone, including the moonlight and the stars.

It takes a little doing with the wind up and you have to manipulate the flue a bit, but after a few minutes there’s a lovely crackling and smell of pine. Padding over to the chair by the window to snatch the wool blanket there, you stop for a minute to look out at the storm, trying to catch a glimpse of the sheep in a flash of lightning, but there’s not much of that to be had, so you wrap the blanket around yourself and make your way back to the bunk ladder.

“Sheep okay out there?” Joel mumbles in the dimness from his bed, somewhere near your knee.

“They’re fine. Did I wake you up?”

“No. Been listening to the rain a while. You cold?”

“Yeah. Fire went out. You?”

His answer comes in the form of something like a sail in the darkness and it takes a second to realize that he’s holding his blankets open in an invitation. “Come on. You’re gonna let the heat out.”

Sliding into Joel’s warmth is an easy decision to make. And it’s not just the warmth of his sheets, but that he brings the covers around you, pulling you all the way into his chest against his soft old undershirt, tucking you in under his chin, wrapping you up in his whole, woodsmoke-scented self.

Every tension in you simply melts into bliss.

Resting his lips against your forehead, his breath fans gently at your hair. “I could get used to this.”

A long hum rides out on your exhale. “I think I already am.”

“You’re a good woman, you know that?”

“Spoken like a true Texan.”

A long kiss presses into your forehead. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. I’m gonna do my best to be good again, Songbird. Hope I can be what you want.”

“That’s easier than you imagine. You’ve been what I want since you showed up around here, so I’m already quite pleased. Hope I can be what you want.”

A new warmth takes you over as he starts to spread his hand along your back, simply running over your contours, testing out what it’s like to hold someone this way, slowly caressing, lightly squeezing, tucking you in tighter. “You seem to know what I want before I even do. I look forward to finding out what I want next.”

“Well, I have to admit. Your brother tipped me off about the pecan pie.”

He laughs a little as he tips your chin up to meet you in a kiss in the dark. It’s hesitant but hungry; a long time needed and a long time savored.

“Did your sheep say it was supposed to rain all day?”

His hair and beard ruffle softly under your fingertips. “I didn’t ask, but I think it probably will. Sure hope that new roof holds.”

“We could always just stay right here and keep an eye on it.”

“See? You know exactly what you want. We can do that. I’d say that’s a good day’s work.”

His hand splays big and warm on your back, pinning you close for another kiss. “I tend to agree.”

_____

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