#you know how people would play with dolls when theyre little ? and like give each other roles or something

[crescentmp3]

god why didnt i post about that yet

[heyitsyn]

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

so

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over 

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend 

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away 

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen 

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time 

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost  a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside 

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that 

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back 

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy 

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him 

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up 

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry,  you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you 

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now? 

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience 

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes 

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

[defkooka]

best night of our lives | mark lee

pairing: mark x reader

genre: lifeguardau, highschoolau, just straight up shy mark and romanceee

word count: 6.4k

summary: no one told you that spending the entire summer with the cute black aired lifeguard was going to go this way.

a/n: heyyyy i’m back after like a solid year lol. this one was in the drafts from a VERY old request so i got bored and decided to finish it. anywaysss mark lee is best boy. i said what i said. IF YOU WANT TO REQUEST ANYTHING, THEYRE OPEN!

“do you ever wonder how we can like... see? like what makes it possible for our brains to see colors and stuff like that?” mark said from beside you on the high life guard chair that overlooked the giant pool.

“i don’t know mark. why is the sky blue? what’s the difference between a #1 and #2 pencil?” you craned your neck to look at the dark haired boy next to you from under your sunglasses.

“touché” he squinted his eyes at you and turned his head back to the pool with a smile as he looked over the swimming bodies.

this is what your summer has consisted of so far. just you and mark sitting under an umbrella while you watch people splash around in the water under the scorching summer heat everyday.

being a lifeguard at the pool was a job you couldn’t miss the chance on. you get to sit around all day and watch people swim and get payed a fair amount of money for it. couldn’t get better than that right? oh but it does.

what you didn’t know you were gonna walk into the first day of work was the cute, soft, and nice boy that would sit under the umbrella with you. everyday.

every time you would walk out into the pool, mark was already sitting on the lifeguard chair. once he noticed you he would give you a friendly smile and a small wave of his hand that would just melt your heart because, how can someone so cute exist?

you had to admit to yourself that you had the slightest crush on mark ever since you met him in science class back in freshman year. he wasn’t much of a talker but still a very friendly person. but oh boy could he get loud. you both shared some mutual friends so it didn’t take much for you two to become friends also. mark is someone who could make you laugh just by doing the bare minimum. if you were ever in the same room, just a small lock of your eyes can send you two into a giggling mess, this also being the cause of you and mark getting in trouble with your teacher many times that same year.

you initially thought that your friendship with mark would just be a class thing; probably never to see him outside of school unless you run into him on the street. but once he told you that he had gotten a job as a lifeguard at your local pool, you were shocked to know that you were also going to be working there for the summer and you couldn’t help the wide smile that overcame you finding out that you were going to spend more time with this cute and silly boy.

but what surprised you the most was the fact that you guys got put in the same shift, meaning you had to share the giant lifeguard chair with him all day. not like you were complaining anyway.

“hey, um are you maybe doing anything this weekend?” marks eyes drifted to his thick thighs as he played with the hem of his bright red swimming shorts, avoiding your eyes as much as he could.

“no, why?” you slid down your sunglasses to get a better look at him.

“well, uh-” he swallowed the lump of nerves in his throat and you noticed how adorable he looked when he was nervous.

“mark!” he was interrupted by the sound of a loud high-pitched voice who belong to no other than one of your closest friends; chenle.

you both snapped your heads towards the loud voice and noticed two other of your friends walking along side him; jisung and donghyuck. they smiled and waved at you guys and you mirrored their actions back with a grin.

“what’s up love birds?” donghyuck climbed up a few of the steps and placed his hands on the seat to keep himself balanced and not fall backwards into the shallow pool.

you could feel mark stir from next to you and let out an awkward cough to ease the sudden weirdness in the air. you on the other hand felt a giggle and a soft laugh escape your mouth with a shake of your head at the brown haired boy in front of you.

donghyuck was probably the only person who knew of this crush you had on mark. telling chenle and jisung would practically be yelling it out into the world. donghyuck still respected your wishes as to not tell anyone, but that still didn’t stop him from throwing little comments here and there like the one he just did.

“what are you guys doing here?” you leaned back into the chair and watched the 3 boys in front of you.

“our shift is almost starting” chenle said as he looked over the people swimming in the pool. “there’s probably so much pee in there” he whispered to himself but was clearly heard as you and jisung looked at each other with a roll of your eyes.

“say y/n? you happen to have a boyfriend or something at the moment?” donghyuck said which made everyone stop what they were doing and eyes lock on you. you were taken aback by the randomness of his question and suddenly felt nervous all of the sudden. you weren’t dating anyone as of right now because of the massive crush on mark; but you felt embarrassed to say that out loud and even more with mark sitting so close next to you.

“i-y’know! that’s not a-appropriate to ask right n-now hyuck!” you pinched the side of his arm, making him stumble back onto the ground; rubbing his hand up and down the now red spot. “i was just curious” he pouted his lips but that soon turned into a laugh when his eyes landed on red-eared mark.

“would you look at the time! our shift is over, have fun guys!” you quickly hopped off the tall chair and put on your red sandals and said a quick goodbye before your cheeks flushed more than they already had. mark probably thinks you’re a loser now. why didn’t you just answered the question with a simple no and let it go! why did you have to get so flustered! especially in front of mark.

“why are you walking so fast?” you heard mark say from behind you making you abruptly stop on your tracks; almost making him crash into you before he caught himself.

“why are you here?” you said too fast for your liking.

“we have the same shift remember?” mark said with a chuckle making you feel your body overheat for what seemed like the 100th time today. why must his cuteness have such an effect on you?! you let out a small ‘oh’ and slowed your steps so he now was walking right beside you.

“hey, remember when i asked you if you were doing something this weekend?” he finally broke the silence when you two reached the entrance outside the locker rooms. 

“y-yeah” you spoke hesitantly.

“well, um. there’s this party donghyuck is throwing, you heard of it?”

“yeah actually, he mentioned it to me the other day.” your palms started sweating as you didn’t know exactly where he was going with his questions.

“good, so uh, um i was wondering if, you know since you aren’t doing anything, would you like to come...with me?” he looked at you with hope in his eyes while he bit his bottom lip a little, hands stuffed down his pockets in fists.

at this point your mind went blank. was mark lee really asking you out after you completely embarrassed yourself in front of him? this must be some type of sick joke the universe is playing on you.

“oh. yes, i would love to” you smiled up at the boy and it seemed like all the nerves were replaced with a shy grin.

“cool, cool. so i’ll pick you up?” he shyly smiled and tilted his head to the side.

“sounds good” you smiled back at him and laughed a little.

“i’ll see you then.” he began walking backwards towards the boys side of the locker rooms while you stood in the entrance looking like a love-struck teenager. well, technically you were.

“yeah. i’ll see you.” you finally turned around once you saw him go in with a huge smile on his face.

guess you weren’t embarrassed in front of the boy you had a massive crush on after all. but that doesn’t mean you still aren’t going to kill donghyuck.

“you know, you should try and breathe once every 2 seconds. just saying” hyuck said from the other end of the line.

you were currently running up and down your room trying to find something decent to wear for the party, which was in like 2 hours. great time management.

“i can’t show up looking like a bum hyuck, plus-“ you stopped mid sentence as you pulled a shirt from the bottom of your closet with all your force, sending you flying flat on your ass with a soft oof once you finally got it out.

“mark fucking lee asked me to go WITH him, not just a ‘oh you should show up’ no no no no, he used an actual ‘with me’”, you crawled your way over to your computer where half of donghyucks face was shown as he was having an intense stare down with the tv in front of him, his fingers scrambling all over the place on his controller.

“it’s mark we’re talking about here. trust me, he’s not going to notice what you’re wearing- FUCK” he screamed at the tv as you heard gunshots and then it going silent, he probably lost at whatever game he was losing his brain cells to this time.

“i know but i still want to look somewhat presentable. i don’t want tonight to go horribly bad and have him never speak to me ever again.” you pouted as you finally saw his eyes look over at you since the last 20 minutes.

“alright, game plan. put on something nice, get all dolled up and let me know once you and mark get here, i will make sure nothing too out of pocket happens tonight so you and prince charming can run off and get married, okay?” he raised one eyebrow and you smiled into the camera.

“yes! thanks hyuckie” you grinned at him and blew him a kiss.

“yeah, yeah, whatever. i have to go, jeno and renjun are probably gonna be here any second to help me set up fro the bangerrr.” he shoved his face into the camera and made a disgusted face before he hung up without even allowing you to say a proper goodbye.

after another 40 minutes of looking for something you finally settled on your favorite shirt with a pair of black jeans and went on to get ready.

after putting on your clothes and making sure your hair didn’t look a mess, your phone vibrated on your desk.

mark:D : i’ll be there in 2 :)

“oh shit” the nerves finally started creeping up on you as you replied an ‘okay’ and quickly sent it.

hopefully this night doesn’t turn out to be horrible. what could possibly go wrong right? hyuck said he’s gonna have everything under control and try and make things run smoothly so you had nothing to worry about.

as you ran around your room getting the last of your things ready, you heard a knock on your front door.

you walked down the hall towards the door to making sure you had everything from your phone to your keys. you stood in front of the door taking in a big breath and calming down the nerves running through your body.

you opened the door to reveal mark standing in front of you with all his glory. his hands were clasped in front of him as he he rubbed them up and down. when his eyes landed on you, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“hey mark” you smiled and you seemed the relax at the fact that he seemed more nervous than you were. his eyes slightly softened as he stared at you and gave you a cute smile.

“hey, nice house” he awkwardly said as he looked around your front porch. you looked at him for a few seconds before bursting into laughs, him along with you.

“yeah, yeah pretty nice huh?” you both looked at each other before breaking into smiles. “ready to go?” he put his arm out for you take; which you gladly did.

it was a short ride to donghyucks house, time seemed to pass by quick since you and mark were cracking stupid silly jokes the whole way there. time always seemed to be going fast when you were around mark, even when you guys are at work. mark radiates this energy around him that’s so calming, he has these awkward moments from time to time, but those moments are your favorites because of how easy you both are able to laugh them off and move on to the next topic. that’s one of the main reasons why you liked him so much, being around him just made you comfortable and calm.

“do you think there’s a lot of people there already?” mark asked as you both saw the front door get closer and closer. the loud bass of the music could be heard all he way from outside in the front yard, but there was no view of the inside hence the curtains were closed.

“i don’t know, i doubt donghyuck would make it a big thing anyway.” oh boy how wrong you were.

as soon as you and mark stepped foot inside of the house, there were heads everywhere you turned. it was a sea of people in the living room dancing to some loud song you couldn’t recognize. the heavy smell of alcohol invaded your senses and made you scrunch your nose in distaste.

“holy shit. how the hell are we supposed to make it past all these people?” you got closer to marks ear to yell into it as he leaned down to listen. you doubt if you tried to speak in a normal tone he could hear, you could barely even hear your own thoughts.

“hold on” mark said into your ear as you felt a tight grip on your hand. he held you close to his body and you felt the heat radiating from it. he navigated you guys through the sea of grinding bodies against each other. he made sure to look back at you every so often to make sure you didn’t get lost or someone bumped into you.

you guys finally made it into the kitchen were it seemed to be less people. a couple of groups talking or slowly dancing to the music with cups in their hands.

“you want a drink?” mark looked at you with a raised eyebrow. you didn’t respond back immediately, your attention still on the fact that your fingers were interlaced with one another. you looked at your hands and back up at his brown eyes. he seemed to catch on and quickly glanced at your hands before letting go with a blush tainting his soft skin.

he mumbled a small sorry and looked around the kitchen nervously. a giggle left your lips as you reached back for his hand and intertwined your fingers together again. his head snapped back at your hands again and quickly up to your eyes, the same blush now racing to his ears. he nervously laughed and kept his eyes locked on yours.

“i’m not a big drinker actually.” you smiled up at him and he nodded his head in agreement.

“good. me neither, i can’t hold down alcohol for too long. after the first 2 hours it gets ugly.” you both laughed.

“how about just juice for now?” you dragged him towards the counter where you found bottles of juice, probably as chasers. you emptied them in solo cups, handing one to mark as he took it from your hand; fingers brushing against each other. he smiled as a way of saying thank you and took a sip from the cup as he looked around inspecting the scene.

“yo!” you looked over marks shoulder and saw a tipsy, soon to be drunk, donghyuck approach you guys with a cup in his hand.

“soo how you guys liking the party?” he wrapped an arm around marks shoulders and looked around at the mass of people.

“there’s a lot more people than i expected here.” you said over the music.

“i know right! i invited a few people from school but i guess those people invited people, and then those people invited more people.” he said with a shrug of his shoulder and taking a sip from his almost empty cup.

“dude your house is going to be a trashed in the morning” mark said while he also took a sip of his drink.

“nah, upstairs is off limits anyway. except for you guys of course.” hyuck smirked at you and nodged mark. you and mark made eye contact while he tried to awkwardly laugh hyucks comment away.

“alright that’s enough. me and mark are off” you grab marks hand and dragged him away from hyucks tight grasp on him. you spot the door of the backyard open and head for it with mark hot on your heels.

once you guys get outside you spot way less people out here than inside, pixie lights light up the dark night along with the stars looking down at you. the music quietens as you both slowly walk towards a pair of chairs in a more secluded area under a tall tree, a few feet away from everyone else.

“is this okay?” you ask as you take a seat while mark drags his chair closer to yours and faces you.

“yeah, this is great actually. i’m not much of a party person anyway. i only show up to these things for the guys.” he plays with the hem of his cup.

“yeah me too. there’s just something about sweaty people grinding on each other that just doesn’t sit right with me.” you shake your head and you hear mark laugh next to you. you immediately look over to not miss the beautiful smile that drags over his face, bringing one just as big to yours.

“parties are great to be honest. but only if you’re with the right person for the night.” he looks at you before looking off into the house.

you smile and decided to take this as your chance to tease him a little.

“oh really? please elaborate for me mark lee” you turn your body to face him better and lean your body towards your legs, using your elbows as support, your body now inches away from him.

he looked over when he felt you move and looked into your eyes and that’s when you noticed how close you guys actually got, but that didn't stop you from continuing.

“i-i mean well, y’know. when you’re around the right person, you could have one of the best nights of your life. you could either be dancing the night away, or just y’know, sitting down and just endlessly talk to them.” he looked down at his shoes while he spoke and once he was done he glanced back at your eyes only to see them stare right back into his.

“wow, i didn’t know you were that deep. don’t worry, i’ll try and live up to the expectations tonight and make this one of the best nights of your life” you said with a smirk. you don’t know where all this boldness was coming from considering the fact that you were just having a mental breakdown over an outfit not even an hour ago, but you liked it.

“and i’ll try to make this one of the best nights of your life y/n” he raised his cup for you to clink yours against and you both took sips of your drinks while stealing little glances at each other.

“you guys are so lame” you both craned your necks to look at the four boys approaching you guys. “you’re sitting outside away from everyone while there’s a big ass party going on right inside” renjun said while he leaned into jeno to his left.

“so? maybe we wanted to have a good conversation without 4 idiots interrupting us” you perked up and commented with sarcasm while mark laughed, wow it is so easy to make this boy laugh.

“alright, alright point. sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt your little date” chenle smiled and gave mark a wiggle of his eyebrows while mark looked like he just got caught with his hand inside the cookie jar.

“date?” you teased and looked over at mark with a goofy grin on your face, but inside you felt like you were just about to explode cause he actually considered this a date with you!

“remind me to never tell you anything ever again. thanks” mark avoided eye contact while he tried to look anywhere but at you.

“y/n, did you know that mark called me 3 times just because he didn’t know what to wear?” jeno joined in on chenles teasing.

“oh yeah, he also texted the group chat saying, ‘oh my god i’m so nervous, will she like this?, should i hold her ha-“ jisung didn’t get to finish his sentence before mark was up on his feet and aggressively covering the younger boys mouth.

“okayyy! that’s enough.” he nervously laughed while giving jisung and the rest of the guys a death glare, but they didn’t seemed to take it seriously by the way they were laughing and continued teasing mark.

“hey, lets head back inside now. i-i’m allergic to pollen” mark scratched his nose and pretended to sniff and it only made a soft giggle escape your lips.

“sure” you followed behind him while you guys made your way inside the busy house once again.

you walked deeper into the house until you were in the main area of the living room staring into the sea of dancing bodies to the beat of the song playing from the speakers spread around. you were mesmerized by how much fun everyone seemed to have. they were all in their own individual worlds with not a care in the world. you weren’t much of a party person but you definitely liked to have a good time from time to time.

marks eyes lingered on your face as you looked into the crowd with little stars twinkling in your eyes. the fluorescent lights where hitting your face just right making you look like a character right from those movies, where in that moment the male lead realizes how much he likes the female lead and he just couldn’t resist himself any longer. you felt marks body press up against your side as he leaned down to whisper in your ear. you felt his hot breath tickling your ear right before he spoke, feeling his lips slightly touch the side of your lobe sending shivers down your spine.

“let’s dance” he grabbed your hand and led you into the center of the dance floor before you could register what was happening. he placed his hands on your hips and your bodies drew closer to one another, you slowly snaked your hands up his arms before they landed on his shoulders, feeling his muscles tighten under your fingertips before relaxing into your touch. your faces were inches from each other and neither one of you could take your eyes away from the other. your bodies recklessly swayed to the loud music, losing yourselves along the way. you could feel his chest raise up and down along with yours. his hands sliding up and down your torso from time to time, feeling all the curves of your body to the upbeat song playing while the vibrations ran up both your bodies. at some point, both you guys stopped moving. the rest of the world around you guys seemed to continue on while you guys were completely frozen in time, a rush of emotions running wild between your burning bodies. you were just two souls standing in a middle of a dance floor, both of your chest heaving up and down on beat with one another. your eyes bore into one another in some kind of game of who would break first. oh how bad you wanted to taste his lips right then and there, but this didn’t seem like the time or place.

“i-i” you tried to catch your breath. “i think i’m ready for that drink now” you whispered and let your forehead meet his, your breath tickling against his lips while he ran his tongue between them to try and moisturize them.

he broke into a sweet smile while running his hands up yours arms that laid on his shoulders and grabbing your interlaced hands around his neck into his and giving them a gentle squeeze. “of course. come on.” he pulled you close behind him and led you through the crowd of people into the kitchen once again.

he poured drinks into two cups for the both of you before handing one to you with a grin. you took it from him and downed the contents in it in record time, trying to cool down your heating body.

mark looked at you with wide eyes before letting a laugh out followed by a small smirk.

“not a big drinker huh? you’re showing severe alcoholism right now y/n.” he took a long swing on his drink.

“me? an alcoholic? never. now pour me another one” you both laughed as he poured more alcohol into your cup, but only filling it less than half way to make sure you pace yourself. he still wanted to take you home in one piece; preferably sober.

“it’s probably gonna take me a solid hour to just finish this one cup while you drank yours before i could even blink. you sure about not being an alcoholic?” he joked while stepping closer to you.

“oh please, it’s just juice mixed with some kind of vodka. i’ll be fine.” you took another sip and shoved his shoulder playfully.

“hey! not all of us are heavy drinkers like you. i’m a lightweight and proud.” he gave you his best proud smile and took another long sip of his drink. by the way you guys were constantly taking drinks from your cups, you both were definitely leaving here at least a bit tipsy.

“let’s head back outside, it’s getting stuffy in here and i need some air.” you said as he nodded and followed behind you. your thoughts were still so clouded about the events that just happened a few minutes ago. holy shit, you guys basically eye fucked each other right there on the dance floor without even having a first kiss. it’s not like you were complaining, it was just a very intimate moment. the mark that was grinding up against your body back there was not the same mark that sat next to you everyday with sunscreen smeared on his cheek, having you wipe it off for him and making him blush. you basically turned into putty in his hands back there, and he didn’t seem to mind either.

so deep in thought, you didn’t see a now very drunk hyuck coming towards you, and before you could snap back into reality, his body had crashed into you. the drink in your hand now spilling all over the front of your shirt. you heard a bunch of “oohs” around the room while everyone turned to stare at the scene in front of them.

“y/n! holy sh-. are you okay? oh my gosh your shirt. fuck fuck, did i just ruin your night?” hyuck took in noticed what had just happened while he tried to rub some of the stains from your shirt, only making it worse.

“hey, don’t worry about it. it’s just a shirt.” you shrugged it off with a wave of your hand. mark was behind you while he examined the mess and winced. “you can probably get it out with some water, don’t worry” he nodded his head.

“y/n i’m so sorry. i told you i wouldn’t let this night go wrong.” hyuck reaches for you between slurred words and stumbled towards you but you managed to catch him before he fell to the floor.

“dude, i told you. don’t worry about it, it’s fine. you on the other hand are drunk as fuck.” you grabbed him by his waist before he could make more of a mess.

“we should probably get him upstairs to his bedroom” mark said while he took some of hyucks weight off of you, you nodded and you both made your way to the stairs where mark picked up donghyuck and carried him to his bedroom.

you three stumbled into his room while mark set him on his bed, you ran into the bathroom to get the garbage can and put it next to him on the floor.

“i should probably get the rest of the guys and start getting people out of here.” mark said while he walked towards the door, you agreed while you took off hyucks shoes and threw them somewhere in his room.

“alright, i’ll stay here and watch him for a while.” he nodded and closed the door behind him. you sat next to hyuck while half of his body hung off the bed as he slowly breathed in and out. few seconds pass by before he speaks up.

“i’m sorry.” hyuck mumbles into his pillow while his eyes slowly open, just to close 2 seconds later.

“it’s fine dude, you didn’t do anything wrong.” you patted his back in reassurance.

“nooo, i-i told yo-you, that i would make this night go smoo-smoothly” he began to fake cry with flushed cheeks only making you giggle.

“don’t stress it, it went way better than i expected i promise. i won’t go into details since you’ll probably forget by morning but-” you paused, “thank you for trying hyuckie” you continued to pat his back in comfort until soft snores began to leave his lips.

a few minutes after you made sure he was positioned comfortably, you walked into the bathroom to look at yourself. your hair was sticking out on all places while most of your makeup had either smudged or faded off your face. so much for trying to look nice. you looked down towards your shirt and noticed a big red/gold mixed stain decorating the front and you sighed.

“i loved this shirt” you whispered as you grabbed a towel, wetting it under the faucet and trying to dab off the stain.

“i know right, i loved it too” mark walked in behind you and smiled at you through the mirror. he walked until he stood next to you, leaning up against the counter while you continued to try and get the stain out.

“sorry this night wasn’t up to your expectations.” you shaked your head in disappointment. mark grabbed the towel from your hands as he stepped closer towards you, grabbing the hem of your shirt and pulled you towards him, making you stand between his parted legs. he held the shirt towards him while he rubbed on the stain more sufficiently than you probably were.

“are you kidding? i had one of the best nights of my life tonight. i partied with friends, had a couple of drinks, and hung out all night with the most beautiful girl. don’t even mention how we were killing it out on that dance floor.” you let out an ugly snort and glanced up at his face. your eyes met for a brief second and you were back to that little world you guys continued to escape to throughout the night.

“mark-“

“shh, just. just don’t say anything right now.” he came closer towards your body. he glanced down to your lips before his eyes shot up towards yours once again, asking for permission. you beat him to it when you leaned in and your lips recklessly crashed into his.

you know that moment in movies when two people kiss and fireworks suddenly start going off. well it was like that when you kissed mark, only with those fireworks going off inside your fluttering stomach and having your mind race 1000 mph.

you lips moved against each other in a drunken, reckless way, but it was still passionate. you don’t know who started it, but soon your felt your tongues fight for playful dominance. your arms snaked around his neck while you bring him down more towards you to get better access to his lips. his hands immediately went up to your hips, guiding you to lean up against the counter while his hands explored more of your body and slowly leading themselves down south. you teased him by biting his lip a few times, making him groan against your lips and give your hips a quick squeeze.

you both were so caught up in the moment you didn’t hear someone enter the room after a few minutes.

“yo- oh god. really?! while hyuck is passed out?!” renjun yelled at you guys once he noticed what shenanigans you two were up too. you and mark immediately let go of each other and turned around with wide eyes

“sorry, dude. uh what’s up?” mark nervously scratched the back of his neck while looking at his feet. you on the other hand were a bunch of shy smiles and trying your best to avoid eye contact with either one of the boys.

“everyone left and we managed to clean the downstairs. hyucks parents probably won’t be back until the weekend, and he seems like he probably won’t wake up until tomorrow-” renjun looked down at donghyucks sprawled out body on is bed before he continued, “-so me and jeno are staying over to keep an eye on him overnight, so you guys are good to go if you want.” he smirked at the both of you while he made his way towards the door, closing it behind him. you and mark stood there in silence for a few seconds before he turned around and faced you again

“lemme take you home.” mark smiled. you noticed how pink and swollen his lips were and that only made you break into a big smirk, soon realizing your lips probably looked no different from his.

“yeah sure.” you nodded and he began to walk out of the bathroom before you grabbed his hands, making him quickly turn around before you crashed your lips onto his for a few more seconds before parting with a loud smack.

“now let’s go.” you both walked out hand in hand and descended down the stairs, waving goodbye to jeno and renjun on your way out.

the ride back to your house was silent. but comfortable silence. you both were pretty tired considering it was almost 2 in the morning, thank god your parents were out of town for the weekend.

you and mark were holding hands the entire time on the way to your house while some slow r&b song played from the radio. from time to time mark would give your hand a squeeze to make sure you were still there, you would turn to him and smile before squeezing his hand back and rubbing small circles on the back of it which would make him slightly blush and hide a shy smile.

once you arrived at your house, he walked you all the way up to your porch and stopped right in front of the door. you turned towards him before he embraced you in a tight hug, burring his head in the crook of your neck and your hair.

“did you have fun?” he asked once he pulled away from your neck but still holding you in his arms.

“i had the best night. thank you mark.” you played with the ends of his hair behind his neck and he smiled down at you.

“it was my pleasure. plus, it’s only nice to return the favor. you gave me the best night so i had to do the same. well, besides a drink getting spilled on you.” he looked down between your bodies to see the dried up beverage on your shirt but you just laughed it off.

“that was probably the highlight of the night.” you guys giggled and continued to stare at each other.

“i should probably head home. it’s getting pretty late.” he finally unwrapped his arms from around you and took a couple of steps back, stuffing his hands inside of his jean pockets.

“yeah definitely, birds will start chirping soon. so, see you at work on monday?” you tilted your head to the side and gave him a goofy grin which he only returned with a goofier one.

“yeah, i wouldn’t miss it.” he began to walk back towards his car, before he stopped in his steps and ran back towards you to crash his lips into yours in a passionate kiss.

“i’m taking you out on a real date soon. y’know, one where our drunk friend doesn’t spill a drink on you and we make out in his bathroom while he’s passed out” he giggled before separating and walking backwards toward his car again. you only smiled and watched him.

“i would really love that.” you watch him round the corner of his car.

“hey mark?” you yelled once you saw him open the door to it. at this point you didn’t care how late it was and who was sleeping, you’ve never told him about your feelings all night and this seemed like the perfect time to do it.

“yeah?”

“i really, really like you.” you stared at him until you saw him break into that beautiful smile you loved so much.

“hey y/n?” he yelled back at you.

“yeah?” you smirked.

“i really, really, REALLY like you too.” you heard him say before he laughed and got into his car, waving at you before driving away.

you only smiled before opening your door and heading inside to get into bed. making a quick mental note to thank hyuck for making it one of the best nights ever.

a/n: i’m not good at endings and it shows. btw i wrote the whole dancing scene after watching that one episode of vampire diaries where damon and elena were dancing in that halloween party hehe. just thought i should share.

[lununnunna]

American Doll || Dabi x Reader

fluff in which dabi celebrates your american holiday just for you

(idk how 2 put things under the cut so im sorry if it turns out long and ends up on ur dash)

you were beaming, jittery with excitement as you held dabi’s warm hand in yours, allowing him to lead you through the unfamiliar trail he claimed to know like the back of his hand. your other, unoccupied hand lifted to grasp the strap of your backpack, heavy with blankets for the outing you two would be having.

after a while of trekking through the long shadows of trees cast by the setting sun, you reached a ledge of sorts, water tower in view. dabi stopped just beside it, letting go of your hand to shrug off the bag on his shoulders, leaving you to admire the view of the city you had from here.

“its beautiful,” you breathed, to which your boyfriend merely responded with a grumble, occupied with shuffling through his bag.

you turned, slipping your own bag from your shoulders, beginning to lay out the thick blanket and anchoring the corners with nearby rocks. just as you pulled out the other blanket, dabi joined your side, cheeky grin pulling at his lips.

“so, babe, you ready to light these shits the fuck up?” he referred to the arrange of several illegal fireworks he had spread out, dropping his now empty backpack onto the blanket.

you grinned, nodding eagerly. “more than ready.”

he chuckled softly, pulling you by the waist to press a quick peck to your forehead. “just be prepared to run if anyone decides to come check out all the commotion.”

with that, he playfully ruffled your hair, ignoring your irritated huffs and squeals of protest to grab the first he had on his list— roman candles. he grabbed your hand, tugging you close.

“ever played with these before?” he asked, placing your hand on the stick.

you shook your head no.

dabi hummed, shifting behind you to clasp his hands over yours, angling the firework away from your body and towards the sky. “theyre pretty fun to shoot at people, but i wouldn’t recommend that to someone as sweet as you.” he rested his chin atop your head. “now, just hold on tight, and keep your arms straight out. dont let go, and dont flinch away. they have a quite a few shots in em, so letting go early is a big no-no. most people just stick them in the ground, but i think theyre more fun to hold.”

“of course you would be doing things like that,” you teased lightly, tightening your grip on the stick as he pressed his shoulders against your ears. you looked up to him in confusion.

“they might be loud,” he explained shortly, not even looking down to you. his left hand pulled away, index finger lighting with a small flame. “here it goes.”

his finger lit the fuse, and after a good couple seconds, the firework went off. you caught yourself flinching slightly, suddenly grateful that dabi was there to keep you steady. with each shot that flew into the sky, you felt your heart jump and your body fill with a rush of excitement. you watched with awe as the candles burst in the sky. after nine, ten shots lit up above the nearly set sun, dabi took the empty firework and tossed it aside carelessly.

“shouldnt you be more careful with that? i dont want to start a fire,” you voiced to him, looking at him with concern. he was bent over, and when he rose, he quirked a brow at you. “why do you think i made you pack a ton of water bottles?”

“oh.” was all you could say. you felt dumb as he bit a hole into the top of the water bottle he held in his hand, spraying the firework thoroughly. when he was finished, he pinched your cheeks.

“stop thinking like that, baby. i know youre probably thinking all sorts of bad things about yourself. so stop.” he kissed your lips lovingly, before pulling away and flicking your forehead. “now cmon, lets finish off the candles and boring fountains nd shit so we can get to the good stuff.”

after several of the smaller explosives were gone through, with a short pause due to dabi burning his hand when foolishly picking up a dud, he was now pulling out the thousand roll of firecrackers.

“this one is gonna sound like a fucking machine gun, so we might be getting some attention after this one. we’ll have to set off the mortars pretty quickly afterwards just in case,” dabi commented, unfurling the cheese roll looking firework. he grinned, telling you to step back as he lit the fuse. he quickly made his way to your side, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing a firm kiss to your temple without ever looking away from the now erupting firecrackers.

you couldnt help squeezing onto dabis arms, the loud, fast crackles and pops making your heart pound in your chest. your ears will definitely be ringing after this.

dabis chest rumbled with gleeful laughter, his arms squeezing your waist tighter and his stapled cheek rubbing against yours. you couldnt help but to laugh alongside him, swelling with happiness at how much he seemed to be enjoying himself, after your begging and pleading and his complaints and protests when you suggested celebrating the fourth together. you were pleasantly surprised to realize the fire-user had experience with fireworks— though you really shouldnt be surprised, considering he was probably a bit of a troublemaker as a teenager; especially after his mention of shooting roman candles at people.

you were pulled from your thoughts as he left your side to douse the firecrackers in water, after he was sure they were all over, and he began to line up the remaining fireworks— the mortars. these ones, he seemed particularly excited for, which is probably why he saved them for last.

once they were all set up, you heard him let out a small cackle-like laugh as he hurriedly lit them one by one. he was darting back to your side, grinning so wide you couldnt help but to worry if one of his staples might tear— but you hardly had time to fret over him, as he was eneveloping you once more, though this time he was between your legs and lifting you onto his shoulders. you nearly let out a scream, fingers threading tightly in his hair, legs squeezing around his head. he didnt seem fazed all that much, allowing you to calm down and adjust yourself so you werent strangling him anymore.

by now, the fireworks were lighting up the sky in rapid succession, your boyfriends laughter drowned by the volume of the explosions. it almost felt surreal, sitting here on dabis shoulders, bathing in an array of colorful flares, his rumbling laughter vibrating your calves and his large hands squeezing your thighs. you felt at peace, watching the blasts you know he bought specifically for you. you were filled with warmth admiring the shapes of hearts and stars filling the sky.

it wasnt long before the fireworks went out, and you were on the ground once again as dabi cleaned up the fire hazard. you settled on packing up the blankets you didnt even use.

once the area was all clean and dealt with, dabi took your hand in his, a surprisingly gentle look on his face as he pulled you against his broad chest.

“happy fourth of july, my little american doll.”

he kissed you firmly, warmly, lips molding to yours as if he was channeling all the love in his being to give to you. you melted into his touch.

“i love you, dabi. thank you for doing this for me.”

[drangues]

Atsushi inadvertently becomes the ADA’s jack of all trades through the power of YouTube Tutorials. Kenji accidentally breaks a desk? YouTube tutorial. They need no-bake cookies for Ranpo’s sugar cravings? YouTube tutorial. He needs to figure out Excel because Kunikida is panicking about deadlines again? YouTube tutorial. Dazai was so chaotic that he broke a bone and they need an emergency split while Yosano isn’t there? YouTube tutorial. Anyways! (Nyanon, 1/6)

It’s okay, they grew up in an awful situation and only had each other, they can bath together a lot and no one can say anything. But yesss that sounds like something she’d do- And actually, maybe she and Kyouka don’t get along, at first? Because Lucy feels her position as Best Friend is being threatened by having someone so close to them, and Kyouka might not trust anyone outside of Atsushi for a little bit. That’s just how the mind works sometimes! (Nyanon, 2/6)

Then they realize they both like using their closeness with Atsushi to piss off Dazai and they’re just like, “oh, a Comrade.” Also, do you think Atsushi would know about his ability, here? Since Lucy would be there, too, and she has a pretty obvious ability, so maybe they’d put the pieces together... And hm, recommendations? Well, I’m not multilingual, so these will all be English language books- I’m awful at learning new ones, nothing sticks- But let’s see... (Nyanon, 3/6)

Well, I’ve always been a fan of Fablehaven and Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, and while I’m not as big a fan of it, the Percy Jackson universe is well known for being pretty inclusive compared to other series, I think. All three of them combine the modern world and fantasy pretty well, though the first focuses more on magical fantasy, the last focuses more on mythological fantasy, and the second focuses on a combination of them. (Nyanon, 4/6)

(Also, speaking of fantasy, I now have a feel-good Magic Reserve AU. I have too many AUs.) But! While I’m not an avid reader of detective novels myself, I do agree that Ranpo lending Atsushi books is adorable~ I want them to interact more than they do in canon, ugh. I want Atsushi to interact more with everyone than he does in canon, really. Moving on to another General Atsushi Concept: He hand makes a good majority of the presents he gives to others! (Nyanon, 5/6)

As mentioned earlier, he might consult a YouTube tutorial to do it, but he just doesn’t always have a lot of money- So he hopes that homemade dolls or accessories, baked goods, photo albums, and other things made by hand are just as good. He’s always worried that the receiver will hate it, afterwards, but it’s the thought that counts, right? (Nyanon, 6/6)

ATSUSHI JACK OF ALL TRAADEESSSS my talented baby he can do anything he wants. lucy would at first but seeing how kyouka had a pretty sad childhood she would definitely see herself in kyouka and soften up- but that sweet sweet bickering would remain- until they come to their senses and finally realise that queens stick together and piss off dazai

while i do feel like he WOULD know i also feel like he W O U L DNT??? like, since he cant control his ability unlike lucy- it feels like she wouldnt tell him because she knows the guilt would be too much if he realises that HES the one causing so much trouble and he cant control it- and would definitely justify the headmasters abuse even MORE. so while he would know, i also see why he wouldnt. but when he does get to know with dazai and the others he’ll definitely be sad/mad at lucy for keeping it from him but after a heartfelt conversation he’ll understand and theyll make up uwu

(it feels kinda weird to have a universe where atsushi Knows of his ability and then have the same story of how he got into the ADA play out- for some reason i cant wrap my head around how THAT would work)

dont worry!! while i am multi lingual i dont mind reading mostly english books- most detective novels i be reading (even lighthearted ones for kids) are in the language of the country i live in. ooo percy jackson!!! love those books uwuwu though ive only read a few of them. and ill check the other books out when i have the time!! 

i want atsushi to interact with everyone in canon more as well smh, especially fukuzawa and yosano- idk they just seem more interesting owo. BU T him making most of the presents he gives AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THATS SO CUTEEEEEEE, he’ll definitely put a lot of time on them and make sure theyre perfect ugh <333 hes so cute and anyone getting a present from him would appreciate it so much (tho i feel like maybe for some special occassions like maybe the persons birthday, he’ll also buy a present at the side- maybe some snacks, a thing theyve been talking about- atsushi would probably keep note of what the people closest to him have been wanting throughout the year)

[tempestuous-cosplay]

just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.

[thebeethathums]

Observers - 57

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

It took a considerable amount of will power for you not to touch anything and everything when the three of you arrived at the crime scene: the backstage of a West End theater. There were costumes, props, and sets everywhere and you were quick to fall into your curious observation mode, slowing your pace considerably to take it all in. You were just about to wander off towards a very interesting looking dress covered with sequins on a rack across the way when Sherlock sharply stated, “Hand.” 

You froze and blinked at him in confusion, “What?” “Give me your hand,” he demanded impatiently and you pursed your lips at him, “Why should I?” He rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand before you could pull away, John looking on in interested amusement, “Because I can’t have you wandering off like I know you were just about to. Now come on.” Dragging your feet so that he had to tug you the rest of the way to your destination, you whined, “I’m not a child, Sherlock. I would have caught up.” Sherlock ignored you and you pouted at John, who just shook his head and chuckled, following after the two of you, “It’s for your own good, Squeak. Remember what happened last time you wandered off at a crime scene?” 

You pulled a face but picked up your feet as you grumbled, “Fine,” and took the opportunity to lace your fingers with Sherlock’s, an action that turned John’s expression to a scowl. The two of you stepped into the dressing room where the body was, Lestrade raising an eyebrow at your connected state before you used your free hand to tug on Sherlock’s sleeve, looking up at him, “Can I look around now? I highly doubt there’s some thug lurking with all of Lestrade’s team about and I promise I’ll stay in this room.”  

Giving you a look that said you’d better or there would be consequences, he set your hand free and you skirted around the body to examine something that had caught your eye on the other side of the room, leaving Sherlock his space to look at the body. Lestrade stepped over next to John, nodding in your direction, “Any idea what’s going on there?” “Yes and no,” John sighed, “There’s some sort of relationship between them but I don’t think even they know what it is.” “And you’re okay with-“ “John,” Sherlock interjected in a demanding tone and John shrugged at Lestrade before going to see what he wanted. He soon saw why Sherlock had called him, crouching down next to the body to get a better look at the few areas of skin that had been removed, “This was done postmortem… there’s not enough blood otherwise and I don’t think the body has been moved. Why would somebody take his skin?” “Is it possible we’ve got a Hannibal?” you wondered aloud and John gave you a quizzical look, “A what?” “Hannibal Lecter? You know... Hannibal the Cannibal. Skin is a delicacy in some cultures.” Your brother looked a bit perturbed, glancing back at the body with a new sense of disgust, and Sherlock shook his head, “A cannibal wouldn’t leave the rest of the body… It’s more likely that it was for some sort of experiment. I sometimes use skin in my work.” You shrugged, “The locations of the wounds are where the skin is likely to be most tender and not toughened by the elements… who’s to say cannibals can’t be picky eaters? It was just a thought.” Sherlock considered this as you turned to Lestrade who was standing with his mouth a little agape at the conversation he’d just witnessed, “Did your team remove anything from this room before we got here?” Lestrade shook his head, “No. We left everything as is.” Sherlock stood, fixing his usual demanding gaze on you, “What do you see?” You pursed your lips, “It might be nothing…” “It’s never nothing, (F/n).” John assured, joining the three of you, and you continued, “He seems like a proud man, a little narcissistic but what actor isn’t, and extremely organized, likely a mental tick or mild OCD, yet there is a piece of his costume missing- the hat. I don’t think it was simply misplaced- he wouldn’t have allowed that- but there’s a chance that it needed repair or alteration and is being kept elsewhere in the theater. I didn’t see it in the immediate area when we walked in but I also didn’t get a chance to explore further.” “The killer could have taken it as a souvenir,” John offered and Sherlock flatly demanded, “Make sure it isn’t here, Lestrade. I need to speak with his castmates,” and strode out. You and John followed him out to find the other main cast members- a tall ranting man, a weeping woman with long auburn locks, and a short distraught looking teenage boy. Sherlock paused, formulating a plan as you let out a soft groan, “I hate actors. So hard to get an accurate read.” You stepped up beside him, letting your eyes take in all that you could see from the three before giving a smirk and shaking your head, “Sherlock-” “I see it. You take him, I’ll take her,” he hummed, stalking off towards them and leaving you to explain to John as you nodded toward the kid, “Just be sympathetic.” Sherlock ‘accidentally’ knocked over a rack of costumes into a table with props right next to the ranting man, the sound of shattering ceramic resounding in the air as a number of props clattered to the floor. The result was instantaneous with the actor ceasing his rant to screech at Sherlock about respect for the theater and his profession and so on. You were quick to sweep in between the two of them grabbing Sherlock’s ear and yanking him down to you as growled, “Didn’t I tell you to keep your clumsy feet away from anything that could be broken? These people work for hours on end to create magic night after night. I expect you to respect them and their tools… Apologize.” “Save it. The damage is already done,” the tall actor hissed, storming off in tiff to yell at someone to fix it, and Sherlock gave you a discreet smirk before you turned to follow him, playing the understanding fan as you called apologies after him. John approached Sherlock, who was rubbing his ear with a dejected look on his face, “She can get a little passionate about things like this- the artistic side you know… Are you alright?” The weeping woman interrupted before Sherlock could answer, revealing an American accent, “I’m sorry that jerk got you in trouble with her… He takes everything too seriously. It’s not like the show can go on without our departed castmate anyways.” “It’s quite alright,” Sherlock hurried, playing up his British accent as he rummaged through his pockets with very convincing mock nervousness to find a tissue to offer her, “That’s a terrible shame. I’m sure you would have stolen the stage, Miss…” “Grommer. Natalie Grommer,” she supplied in a purr, taking it from him as her demeanor changed, the fake tears immediately disappearing. “The stage lights would have loved those cheekbones of yours,” she hummed as she extended a hand to him, which he took, leaning to press a kiss to her knuckles as she giggled, “And a gentleman to boot.” A slightly astounded John watched as Sherlock escorted her to a quieter corner and the stunned look on his face drew the attention of the teen just like you’d planned, “I sorry about them… they’re really good at their jobs but they don’t really care about the murder. They’re just peeved that the show is off now that we’re a cast member short.” “And you?” John asked, giving the boy a sympathetic smile, finally understanding what you’d meant, “Do you care?” The boy’s lip trembled as he nodded, “He was my friend…” The three of you talked to your respective actors for a moment until you returned to rescue Sherlock from the very handsy Natalie with a snapped, “Holmes!” that gave John an excuse to leave his conversation with the teen. They fell into step next to you as you stalked out and John asked, “Where are we going exactly?” “Home,” you and Sherlock said in sync and you rubbed your temple with a soft sigh as you expanded, “It wasn’t any of them, though that was fairly obvious from the start. We just had to be sure… actors can be emotionally tricky.” Sherlock snorted, “They claim to be masters of deception yet they so easily believed us. Idiots,” and then launched into his deductions, “It was someone he knew from the lack of struggle. Killer has a knowledge of and access to some sort of fast-acting poison, likely administered with a needle, as well as skill with a scalpel. With the missing hat, it is likely that they are either a practiced methodical killer or have some sort of emotional connection to the victim. Not family. He has no living family. Possibly a partner. He’s gay. Closet case…” He continued but dropped to a mumble as the three of you slid into a cab and you leaned against John with a soft yawn as he huffed, “How do you do that?” “Do what, Johnny?” “Know what he’s thinking.” You chuckled, “I have no idea what he’s thinking, John. I just assume he sees what I see and then read his face. If anything he knows what I’m thinking or maybe we just think similarly in certain situations… I don’t know. Does it matter?” “I suppose not,” he murmured, winding an arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss against your temple as you snuggled into his side sleepily. Seeing the two of you in action and finally noticing your ability to communicate by just looking at each other, got John wondering about your relationship. He thought about it for a moment, considering that maybe the two of you were more suited for each other than he’d originally determined, before resting his cheek on your head as he fought off a headache.

TAGS <3:

@team-free-sherlock @multifandom-ramblings @madshelily @severusminerva @yes-but-theyre-my-dorks @smitemewiththysherlock @not-fandom-addicted @unknownwonder @deducingdevil @aviien @mrsfrankensteinsworld @lolamurphy @bakerstreethound @musical-doll-x @protectteamfreewill @delightful-pirate @lilcutekittykat @broke-and-overwhelmed @adri1ii @turtle-at-the-disco @fanfictionsilove @chasedbyhowlingwolves @thorkyrie-rights

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[plsophie-blog1]

hey bubs ( you’ll probably hear me call someone that like everyday ) i think it’s so cute isdcacn anyway the name is nicole nice to meet ya !!  i reside in the est timezone & im up p early in the mornings checking my tumblr so if you see me on say wassup to ya girl. i’m nineteen i’ll be twenty in november yikes, and my pronouns are she & her. underneath the cut you can find a little intro / about thing thing on sophie it’s been forever and a year since i played a selena fc omg so im trying to stack up on my resources again since i deleted all 7,000+ of them i had of her :/ CONNECTIONS PAGE RIGHT HERE

sophie was born and raised in hollywood so this is def her hometown she knows where all the hot spots are and everything. 

she was born into a pretty wealthy family, they were like high middle class to put it on economic scaling. she is an only child so a lot of people may she was/is a spoiled brat but she’s not one of those ‘omg u got red and i wanted a white tesla’ type of people oh no. she’s very humble and down to earth

her career started on youtube, yup she was a famous youtuber & got signed with youtube when she was eighteen ( she’s 22 now ) & now she plays rita norvak on lesliean which is her first major gig on the tv yanno. 

however she has been recognized more for her youtubing pedestal than rita’s since she’s a reoccuring character on the show and the upcoming season is when her character comes back

on youtube sophie would do the skits and comedy, sometimes get ready with me when she would do her make up, vlog here and there, and commentary stuff her youtube ( trailofsophie ) was mixed with a whole lot of everything

she’s very sincere with her fans, like she loves them so fucking much it’s unbelievable. she made a collage of some pictures she’s taken with fans and made it her phone background like that’s how much she loves them ( example can be seen on my blog yanno ) 

everything about sophie she tries to keep positive and happy which is why her acting skills are phenomenal due to how her character, rita, is portrayed on the show you would never think sophie would have a mean bone in her body 

not that she lets people walk all over her, but she is very open to giving people numerous opportunities in her life. 

she is bisexual so she’ll hook up with anyone if they ask or prove themselves hook up worthy. she enjoys having sex, not that she’s a sex addict but she finds it to be a huge stress reliever

she loves kids, having a good time, and all that stuff 

she is very stubborn however once her mind and emotion is set to something it’s set 

she has a couple of tattoos ( more than canon selena ) and she has piercings ( ears, belly, nose, nipples ) 

her parents were very anti lesliean shows until they realized what big break this would be for their daughter which is why they’re very supportive and knew she wanted to do this. it wasn’t after her first taping and couple of episodes that she had done that she realized she was bisexual and came out to her parents before coming out on social media to her fans and to the world 

most wanted connections here we go: 

boyfriend/girlfriend : open to m , f ;; basically they are like couple goals and they could be on sophie’s yt ( bc she updates it sometimes ) & they could just be hella cute & can visit soph on set if they’re not an actor/actress whatever idk it’ll be cute

go best friend that’s my best friend : open to m , f , nb ;; what it sounds like they’re bff goals. can also be on soph’s yt & just be commenting shit on each other’s insta like ‘look at them cakes yum :)’ if female they can be like maia & cierra have that they must be dating feeling but ppl know theyre not dating but ship them anyway

enemies : open to m , f , nb ;; trying to sabotage each other’s career basically they’re out for blood and when asked about in interviews theyre like ‘girl who lol’

that’s really all i can think of i’ll link my connections page at the top and down here in case u read all of this ur a doll <3 & should lms or hmu if you want to plot if i don’t do it first :^) CONNECTIONS PAGE

[officerhaughtstuff]

Why do you ship Wyndolliday? (I'm totally expecting the three page essay)

well first let me lead you to my previous post on the subject

and second, i will explain with pleasure. (under a read more cause WOW that got long)

so, ill start this with the honesty that im not a big fan of just wyndoc on its own. just in the name of transparency and to elucidate on authorial bias. also because it is relevant in how i see wyndolliday.

so anyway.

first off, just from a representation standpoint the universe could use a great and sweet poly ship on tv. and a bisexual black man. and just two bisexual men who arent just ‘in a phase’  or any other bullshit (also wynonna is alsways headcanoned by me as pan, but thats not super relevant to this. just putting it out into the universe)

secondly, i think that wyndolliday as a relationship balance each other out really well. in theory any two of them could make a decent relationship pair, though again i would have to keep an eye on wyndoc cause im not sure they bring out the best in each other, but again again thats besides the point and ill admit those two have potential. now, i will get into all the relationship dynamics as i see it, with a prelude about when i first started to see this as like a thing for me:

 so honestly it was the season finale where dolls and doc finally got over their dick measuring contest and got all bff bromance on screen. previously i kinda thought about doc and dolls both dating wynonna and not each other, all consensually and whatnot. though that would require the character development that made dolls and doc not wanna murder each other necessary much the same. but when i saw them on screen getting seriously bromantic i was like “....ah. i dig it.”. plus there was that prompt from the wynonna earp official twitter about the “ghost river triangle” pairing. so that made me think it more too.

now for the dynamics (how they fit and why i think being in the ot3 would be good for them): first - wynonna and doc. like i said earlier, this makes me a little wary. the reasons being as follows: they can bring out the worst in each other and doc is shown to be very willing to manipulate wynonna. but they are also two people who i see as being very emotionally raw. theyre like exposed wires, dangerous and volatile and pouring all their feelings out in every action. they can find in each other another person who processes and expresses themselves in similar ways, who have both faced hardships and come out on the other side a little bitter and a little self-loathing. they see themselves as survivors first and foremost, but they both know what it means to love someone who tries to fight for /good/ and /morals/ (waverly for wynonna, wyatt for doc). and they would be able to find healing for themselves by helping and standing by and experiencing someone else healing from similar wounds in similar ways. sort of like a third-person perspective of themselves. combined with the ease with which people can sometimes face issues when they arent directly their own. they would be emotionally open and provide the same level of emotional openness and comfort they both require. they would probably be able to help each other through emotional times, but on the other hand they are both runners by nature (even if they try not to do that now. even now that theyre “heroes”) so would they turn to each other in hard times? or would they run? would they fear sharing themselves because they might make the other run? and their shared nature makes it easy for them to get caught up in things, get battered around and make things not feel very stable. doc would also be someone who would be willing to go all out and risk anything /do/ anything for his chosen few. wynonna would thrive with someone who would always put her first above everyone else, cause she doesnt even do that for herself. and wynonna represents hope and a future to doc, and at the same time a connection to his past. she’s bitter adn battered and she’s been through hell, but she hasnt given up all hope, and despite what she says she believes in good people. she represents what he could be, and what he strives to become (he protestes the entire way, but he still wants to achieve it. he’d rather not try at all than fail he thinks most days. its easier on his tired heart)

            i think dolls would help their relationship. hes a very steady person, and i think he would act as a sort of grounding to their passion and an anchor that they can come back to when they run. he is not someone who runs, and i think they both need that. so while doc and wynonna can connect as raw nerves, he can serve as a centerpoint for them. in this relationship i think he serves as a sort of a “calm in the storm” kind of man. and he’d be able to sit and listen and be able to think things through when doc and wynonna get carried away. plus he’d be able to mediate their arguments. he may be steady and calm, but that comes with a heavy amount of stubbornness and an unwillingness to back down.

wynonna and dolls - i think these two compliment each other. wynonna, as mentioned earlier, is like a raw nerve or an exposed wire, and dolls is very self-contained. the man is practically made of willpower from what ive seen. when wynonna feels something its all over her face and her actions. she feels everything deeply. i think dolls feels things jsut as deeply, but he keeps it all bottled up. they are both just as stubborn, and i think they provide a challenge for each other. wynonna would help dolls express himself, and dolls would help wynonna learn when to stop and take a breath before things run away on her. on the other hand, would wynonna get the kind of emotional comfort she clearly craves from dolls, who is not expressive by nature? would dolls be able to keep up emotionally with someone who is so /on/ all the time, who needs so much and asks so much? they also carry the same kinds of guilt, i think. they both have things they feel guilty about, things that have changed the course of their life and in both cases (in my uneducated opinion) i think these things that cause guilt are in some way a part of who they are. they have to look in the mirror and face themselves when they believe that their very nature and legacy is tied to this terrible guilt. and the entire reason people need them and that they can now do /good/ is because of this guilty thing. i think they both need someone who can relate to that feeling. but at the same time, maybe they need someone who can approach it without those kinds of conflicting feelings. i also think that wynonna is (once again) more hopeful and optimistic than dolls. she sees in him someone better than he thinks he is, and he sees the same in her. she gives him a reason to maybe hope that he can be better, and that they can make the world better. he gives her a way to make the world what she’s always known was in it. he gives her a chance to prove to herself that she is good and she is worth it and he believes in her every step of the way.

              doc adds something to this dynamic as well. he provides the midpoint between dolls and wynonna. in some of the ways that they are opposites he can provide a middle ground between the pair. he can do quiet and controlled (sorta) and he can do wildly emotional. hes always been adaptable. while he is naturally an emotional person, he has far longer been a person who is good with people and that requires give and take. hes a con man. he can play the waiting game. and he may not like it much, but he can wait with the best of them. and when wynonna needs emotions freely given (not dragged out like pulling teeth) he can do that as well. and when dolls needs /time/ and a moment to pull himself together and a break, doc knows when to back off and let things sit for a bit (wynonna’s not so good at that, so sometimes he disappears and takes wynonna with him and dolls is so grateful, but he’ll never say)

doc and dolls. these two have less time together in canon where they arent fighting so its a bit harder to predict their relationship, but i think they fit. they would be the kind of couple that constantly fights and bickers, but theyre there for each other in quiet ways. theyre not as vocal about their feelings as wynonna is, they show their feelings in actions instead of words (wynonna just needs to be /heard/ and acknowledged and listened to. she spent so many years of not that, she cant go back). they can bond over sometimes just needing to make a fuss, over both of them being the type to get things done, over “the ends justify the means” (wynonna is a survivor, but her continual hope and belief in /goodness/ means that sometimes she will sacrifice the most practical option for the right option). they also get along in some of the ways that dolls and wynonna get along. dolls is still a steady presence for doc and doc is still a motivator for dolls to share. they both have high respect for each other and they both are unstoppable when they get a goal in mind

                where wynonna comes in here is more integral than the other dynamics. for all that doc and dolls are in many ways good for each other, they are not the kind of people that each one would normally go for. shes really what brought them into each other’s orbit. and with her they are able to avoid the kind of pessimism and bitterness that they may otherwise fall into. wynonna may not know it, but she has the kind of personality that can inspire people. in another life she is a natural leader. people follow her without questioning, she’s charismatic and she’s the head of some sort of movement. in this life, she draws people in and keeps a few very close and very loyal.  doc and dolls have such opposing ideologies that their similarities and differences that make them good for each other may not have even gotten the chance. but with wynonna’s tendency to draw people in and keep them close, and her ability to love so fiercely, and her unique combination of experience and beliefs that put her in line with both ideologies bring them together and allow them to grow together.

so as a group i just like the idea that these three have a constant push and pull between them, where they can see each other in ways that not everyone can, and they have such unique experiences that only they can relate to. they all believe in the best of each other even when they dont see it in themselves, and through this they all help each other to be better and inspire themselves to try to be their best. besically these three beautiful, badass, stubborn assholes have my heart and i think they all shoul dhave each other’s.

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Season Finale Recap: Just Put Me Out of My Goddamn Misery (PART TWO)

Since everyone bitches and whines about how long my recaps are, I separated them into two parts. Pick up a book, you lazy pieces of shit and read part 1 here >>

Chuck is like, were not going to win so next match ceremony Im picking Britni and everyone is like Chuck and Alec start yelling at each other and having a food fight, which pisses off Alec more because hes a firm believer that you should never waste food.

Alec: WE SHOULD NEVER QUIT Chuck: Eat a dick dude

Chuck goes up to push Alec, which is a huge mistake surfer brah, and Alec shoves Chuck to the ground like hes made of paper. Alec, congrats, your ovaries have officially transformed into a small chode of a penis. Gotta start somewhere.

Britni is like You would shove Chuck, who btw looks like a Ken doll version of the lead singer of AFI, for money?! Thats some shit ONLY poor people would say. Britni, people have done way worse shit for way less money. Read a book, tune into the news, watch Empire (or read my recaps).

Rashida and Devin are like And I agree. I did not sit through 10 weeks of this retarded shit to watch yall give up.

Devin is like If I can get this fresh batch of mentally incapable humans to win this stupid fucking reality show, it would be equivalent to the greatest feat in sports history. Which sport? Speed walking? Turn on ESPN Devin, I fucking dare you.

Zak and Hannah are mourning the fact that they arent a match, and tbh, I am too.

Cheyenne is talking to Devin about how he is disrespectful and is like

Devin: (actual quote) Im a shit head, but not a total shit head. – I honestly dont even need to try and be funny for these recaps, they all say enough stupid shit where I dont even have to try.

THE GAME

Chuck is like, I was hammered last night and said dumb shit and Im going to actually play this thing. Thank god Chuck, otherwise I seriously would have cunt punted you, and your little dog too! (Britni)

The game is the easiest one of the season: its an obstacle course with girls sitting on their back. There is a true/false section, where if the team guesses it right, then they get 30 seconds off their time.

Zak and Kayla are in first, which is crazy because Zak might be the smallest out of all of them. Alec is terrible with this shit and is back to being a giant bitch.

Melanie and Tyler go to the true or false thing, where Mel admits she offered Chuck a threesome, which is a new low.

Kayla and Zak win, being the Italian stallions. Rashida and Devin get second and Mel/Tyler get third because they answered the question right- aka, Mel is a closeted freak.

Stacey is talking to Nelson about how she has no idea who her match is and shes talking so fast I could have sworn it was a Gilmore Girls episode. You can def tell Stacey is fucking hammered in this, but its cool. I love Stacey. And apparently so does Nelson. Okay whatever.

Meanwhile, Alec is flirting with Amanda and Kiki is like WTF. Which is literally her reaction to everything- WTF.

THE DATE

Theyre hanging out on fucking boat that doesnt even have a bar. That sounds like some Life of Pi shit.

Devin and Rashida are flirting and shes like except this shitty white guy with a butt chin.

Zak and Kayla are like you remind me of my family so they must be a match- some fucking Freudian shit right there. Chelsey the aspiring psychologist is probably fucking creaming her pants somewhere in the distance.

Tyler and Melanie are like, were besties and Tyler thinks thats code for match but Mel was like,

THE TRUTH BOOTH

The group makes a smart decision for once ,(they probably all broke out in hives afterwards because we all know they are allergic to brainpower), and send Zak and Kayla to the truth booth. Hannah is like Hannah save the stupid lines for Hunter please, babe.

Zak and Kayla make their way to the truth booth, looking like a set of fraternal twins walking into their grandmas 90th birthday. Not gonna lie, Im stressed right now. Im on bottle number 2 of wine, and shit is REAL rn.

Results are in and- THEYRE A PERFECT MATCH! YAAAAAAASSSS.

Everyone is screaming and jumping while Hannah is like, . Its okay Hanz, its not like these matches are real. Those rules arent even real! They were real that day I wore a vest!

Alec and Kiki are flirting and they are drunk AF and Kiki is like Shes talking about how she got stupid fucking matching bracelets for her perfect match and Im like

Devin is doing his shit math again using red solo cups, I feel like an algebra class is being taught in a frat house. Aka this shit is dumb AF.

They determine there are two scenarios- one where Kiki mtches with Alec, and one where she doesnt. Guess which one best friends forever bracelet Kiki wants?

The decide to use deductive reasoning and rationality.

Jk, they decide to flip a fucking coin. I CANT RIGHT NOW WITH YOU PEOPLE. Hunter is like Here is a quarter and ew, I dont trust anyone who has change offhand like that. Get a fucking debit card, you hillbilly fuck.

Kiki is upset because they get scenario one, but you know if the coin flipped for the scenario she wanted shed be like PERFECT! ITS ALL SETTLED, THIS COIN IS HOLY.

Tyler is like, Fuck your heart Tyler, fuck it. Austin is like WOAH you need to figure this shit out. Like I dont mean to sound aggressive, but if you fuck us all over were probs gonna stab you.

Never did I ever think that the game would rest in Tylers hands. Take a drink to that.

THE FINAL MATCH UP CEREMONY

Devin is like, there is a high possibility we lose- not high, almost definite. But he thinks they chose scenario one for a reason, that reason being a coin flip.

Ryan gives some speech about love and how they need it and its like, save it Ryan. Empire comes on in 20 minutes and I need to get this show on the road.

Austin is first and he picks Britni– basing it off the fact that he wanted a girlfriend who would be a ghost for most of their relationship and they would get together eventually when it was convenient. You know what thats called? A fuckbuddy. You came on a reality show to find a fuckbuddy. May I suggest Tinder next time?

Hunter is next, and Ryan is like, do you all have a strategy? And hes like clearly fate isnt on our side, so we decided to do a coin flip. So, fates not on your side, and you decided to rely on it again? Seems legit.

Ryan is like, And Connor and Chelsey are like

Hunter picks Hannah, which is a weird match but whatever I dont care anymore. Im gonna be honest, this whole season I thought Hunter was secretly gay.

Devin is up next and he picks Rashida. Rashida, girl, I have been praying for you. Clearly I am a sinner because my prayers have not been well received. My b.

Tyler is up next and were all on edge. Hes like I think Melanie is my match truly and this is the biggest plotline he has had all season, so hes rollin with it. Tyler ends up picking Cheyenne, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Alec picks Amanda, and Kiki is like WTF (again). What is she gonna do with her bracelet?!!!!

Nelson picks Stacey and RyDev is like, And shes like, Okay, thatll work. Cant wait for an invite to the wedding.

Chuck is up next and gives an inspiring speech. Well, it would be inspiring if he wasnt talking to a band of idiots who put their fate in a coin toss and if he didnt look like a homeless folk singer.

Chuck picks Melanie. Shes like, well this sucks because well never date because hes still fucking Brittni. Maybe you can get that threesome you wanted, skank.

Kiki is last, and ends up alone, well, because her match is Mike. #tbt to Mike. LOL. She shows those bracelets to Ryan and Ryan tries so hard not to fucking vomit on her. Kiki is like I am not confident at all Mike is my match and honestly, ditto.

The beams and RyDevs dramatic hand motions begin. They get 4 beams, which they have never gotten before, so #progress..They get a 5th, then a 6th, then a 7th. Everyone is on edge as fuck, and I am stunned into complete silence at home. Even my boyfriend, who has migrated out of the room is whispering no fucking way to himself. Idk if he is saying that because hes surprised Im silent for once, or surprised that they just might actually win.

They get 8 OMG, They literally need one more to win the fucking game. Im shaking.

THEY GOT TEN BEAMS! THEY WIN THE FUCKING GAME.

MIRACLES HAPPEN (queue song from The Princess Diaries)

MTV IS THE LAND OF DREAMS

IM CRYING

IM SCREAMING, I FEEL THINGS

Okay, Im back. Wow Im hammered. So its made clear- either MTV is a magical place where miracles prevail, or this shit is staged AF. I mean, we all saw The Hills.

Wow, thats it for this season and this truly unique group of escaped mental patents. Thanks for reading, even though, lets be honest- I made your shitty Thursdays infinitely better. And to the cast who read and tweeted me, thanks for having a thick skin. Low key surprised I havent received a death threat from Britni by now. Good luck existing in the real world, you all are sure gonna need it. And if youre ever in California, come buy me a beer, because god knows I deserve one for putting up with your shit.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-season-finale-recap-just-put-me-out-of-my-goddamn-misery-part-two/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178560286887

[tumblunni]

OH MAN GEEZ IM FUCKIN EMOTIONAL ALREADY black butler: book of circus spoilers below:

oh god, the ways they expanded the story for the anime are SO FUCKIN SAD I kinda like that they made it so you actually do see the circus crew kidnapping children this time. I mean, I dont think its made to make them any less sympathetic, but it definately reminds you that the playing field is even here and they’re morally complicated rather than just poor innocent victims of mr evil protagonist. Also its REALLY GORY and REALLY PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR

Its so messed up, seriously These poor kids are being sent to kidnap other kids, by a creepy asshole murder pedophile fuck. And they dont know WHY theyre kidnapping kids, they don’t know what happens to the ones they hand over. And they’re all JUST FUCKING KIDS, they’re fucking children who’re all heavily disabled in different ways and LITERALLY owe their life to this horrible villain man. And they dont know why they were saved and why these other kids are.. going.. somewhere else. And they really dont know whether to trust their ‘father’, but its pretty clear they all have their suspicions that the kidnapped kids might be dying. But they dont have anywhere else to go if they disobey their father, and he’s fucking with their heads so they all feel like they’re the only onw with doubts and they cant even question it or everyone will turn on them and they’ll get kicked out on the street again and never see any of their siblings. And they all VERY MUCH know what its like to be dying on the streets. And this time they’d had a chance to know what its like to have prosthetic limbs and medical help and be able to eat three solid meals a day and wear pretty clothes and have a family. Having all that taken away will hurt even more than if they’d never known what it’s like..

So I sympathise with them, I really do. And I really believe they could have been rescued, and could have been redeemed, and ultimately we shouldnt be blaming them for what they did, only blaming the man who forced them into it and gave enough illusion of choice that they were able to feel guilt about it... BUT STILL that was REALLY FUCKED UP AND DISTURBING AND SAD AND DISTURBING AND SAD

seriously they PUT ON A FINAL CIRCUS SHOW for every single kid they kidnap part of it is about luring them in so they trust them, but also it seems they take it way too far for it to just be that. They almost got caught because they spent so much time doing their performance for this poor lil matchstick seller girl! and its equal parts heartwarming and DISGUSTING because this poor kid is like.. I dont even know if they drug their victims or if she was just going insane from having to see them killing the policeman that tried to save her they’re just horribly gorily fighting the policemen, stabbing a fucking knife through some guy’s eye, and the kid is sitting there having a complete mental collapse, laughing as if this is all part of the show. And we get this twisted vision of her point of view, seeing the nice clown man doing a funny show smacking mr teddy bear with a mallet, as the dead body of the policeman falls at her feet. And then they bundle her into the carriage and thats just the end. We dont find out what happens to the kidnapped kids, any more than the kidnappers know... We just got to learn so much about this poor kid, and that poor policeman, and have a bunch of heartwarming moments of them becoming friends, and then she just turns the corner for like five minutes and the policeman is like ‘wtf is that flute music’ then sees a fuckin ENTIRE CIRCUS IN AN ALLEYWAY and gets stabbed through the goddamn eye trying to reach the kid in time. And she’s so out of it that she couldnt even see him. His last thoughts were probably seeing her glassy eyes staring right through him... And we know that he had a daughter that this street urchin reminded him of, and we know she had a sick little brother who really needed the money the policeman gave her, and an abusive mother that’ll probably be forcing that poor brother to go out panhandling now her daughter is gone.. And just... GAHH my fucking emotions my sadness and also A LOT OF FEAR so much blood

and I KNOW HOW IT ENDS i know that the kids don’t fuckin go to a happy place with a nice new dad and ‘father’ only spared those few kids so they could be pawns he could manipulate into capturing more kids, and test subjects for his evil science team’s freaky bullshit and they dont even KNOW that they’re test subjects! they dont know that their prosthetic limbs are MADE FROM THE OTHER KIDNAPPED KIDS WHO NEVER CAME BACK god, im already imagining how they’d fuckin animate the poor ringleader guy throwing up as he realizes his arm is made from someone else’s bones and then he just DIES they all just die horribly in service of this disgusting fucking child murderer pedophile that they thought was their father half of them never learn that they were the villains all along, the other half get to know it just in time to despair utterly as they’re killed off too

and evil bastard’s trump card that kept them all obeying him it DIDNT EXIST he fucking held it over their heads that their other siblings were still out there somewhere, at his ‘orphanage’, and they had to work with him so he could send money back to them so they could all be happy too when really he’d killed them long ago, and for all we know they could be the ones that joker’s prosthetic arm was made from T_T and ciel’s fuckin only chance to do something to help the people he completely failed who all died hating him and thinking he’d betrayed them, that they were the good guys and he was the villain... that last chance was a fucking lie he tried to save the ‘other kids’ and the fucking ‘orphanage’ was an empty abandoned building full of nothing but maybe a stray doll they left behind before they were all horribly murdered so we just end on our protagonist being the absolute villain of this arc, and the actual villains being sympathetic kids, and him laughing like a madman as his last chance of redemption blows away on the wind

oh, and he fuckin personally murdered a bunch of kids too, even though he didnt kill all his villain friends with his own hand. he found some of the kids in the lab that were test experiments, the few who hadnt been killed yet. the few who’d had to watch potentially HUNDREDS of friends be dragged kicking and screaming to that operating table, and see every second of them being eviscerated into pieces. And ciel just sees himself in them, they’re all so catatonic that they cant even see him and all he can see is himself and he knows from personal experience that a kid can come back from that, but he knows how much of a monster he’s become and he thinks the kids would be happier if they could die as they are instead of losing themself so he just sets the whole building on fire and i end up crying for him even as he’s committing a horrible act! fucking moral ambiguity: the show

and god, even this episode’s goofy friendship fun parts were horrifying too! it starts off with the whole ‘ha ha ciel doesnt know this kid is Doll, cos she ~looks like a boy~ when she’s not in costume’ random stupidness but its still cute cos she’s being so kind to the newbie, and you can learn a lot about her character from it how she’s trying to be all smiley and goofy and giving him candy and saying how she’d never even tasted it before, and now he can stay here and be her lil brother and never get hit by anyone and never go hungry and she knows the goddamn price she has to pay for all this, and she wants to keep ciel innocent of it she doesnt know he’s already just as corrupted, and he’s really a spy sent to take them down and then just DEAR GOD THAT SCENE THAT IS NOT OKAY but it was absolutely fucking necessary I think, to keep the moral ambiguity and not make us just hate ciel forever she fuckin.. accidentally triggers a ptsd flashback in the poor kid he’s never been homeless before so he doesnt realise its a group bathroom, and then freaks out and tries to run. but she’s just teasing him as part of her cool big sis persona, and doesnt realise he has an actual reason to be scared. So they end up fighting and she accidentally reveals the scar on his back to everyone the fucking brand that was burned into him when he was kidnapped and enslaved and the episode just ends with our usually unflappable protagonist curled up in a ball under a towel, shaking and crying and his only comfort is the demonic butler he’s using to enact his revenge, and all he says is just ‘you’re better than this, you’re a badass’ ciel never really has any form of actual sympathy, does he? the only person who knows about what happened to him is this morally ambiguous monster minion guy. and the whole hook of the series is that we never really know if Sebastian actually gives a shit about ciel or any of the other humans, or if he’s just waiting for the poor kid to fuck up and leave an opportunity to devour his soul. I wanna believe that Sebastian does have some sort of fatherly affection for ciel, or at least they both care about each other in a sort of.. mutually evil way. But even if thats true, its not like sebastian is gonna really be any good to talk to in a time like this. he;s just gonna sass ciel for showing weakness. he just has this fuckin motivational speech of ‘yo ciel youre a fuckin evil bastard, remember? get up and continue your evil bastard ways’. and somehow it actually kinda works and actually kinda feels affectionate in context :P BUT STILL SERIOUSLY POOR CIEL he could have turned out a lot better than this if he had someone in his life who could actually give him a goddamn hug but I guess thats not really what he wanted, even though its what he needed instead he wished for the power to enact revenge on the one who killed his family and enslaved him and he set off on this long horrible path of becoming an evil bastard to track down this other evil bastard when he’s only fuckin ELEVEN and he’s happy to throw away his soul, and doesnt care if sebastian betrays him in the end and he burns in hell forever, as long as he can stop that evil bastard from doing the same thing to more children and this arc is so fucked up cos he failed so horribly to stop some OTHER evil bastard from doing the same thing to more children and he’s become so twisted and antiheroey and cynical that he missed his chances to redeem those poor other twisted kids, and maybe he could have done better in stopping the real villain if he had.. and the only fuckin thing we got out of this arc was that the bastard kidnapping these children was a copycat criminal of the one who did it to ciel, so we at least finally have one clue that might lead to a resolution someday but EVERYONE DIED and ciel’s even more fucking traumatized! and he’s jumped off the deep end and become full antihero evil bastard and all the character development he had during the arc has been negated and fuckin completely reversed cos of how it ended and he lost a bazillion friends and he was betraying them the entire time, and they died resenting him, or resenting him AND learning that he was right and they’d been working for the villain all along, and then he couldnt even save their other siblings cos they were long dead and just THIS FUCKING ARC IS SO FUCKED UP GAHHHHH

I guess sometimes you just wanna watch depressing cinema, yknow? I do hope that someday this series actually ends with at least a bittersweet ending, not an equally fatalistic one that means everything was all for nothing. i want the poor circus kids’s deaths to actually mean something...

Also, randomly and incidentally, I want the giant creepy pedo incesty shipping fandom to die in a fire. Before I even started watching it, Black Butler was famous as ‘that pedo anime’, everyone acted as if Sebastian x Ciel was canon and they kept teasing it in every episode or something. BUT NOPE. NONE. NICHT. NON. NAG YDW. Where the FUCK did they even get it from, seriously?? We don’t know if Sebastian is gonna betray ciel or not in the end, but im PRETTY FUCKING SURE that he doesn’t have a boner for a fucking ten year old! I know the idea of a demon servant is a common romance novel thing, but seriously wtf is wrong with you... I know I’m mad that this arc ended so horribly, but still I feel like the various moral ambiguity discussions are super interesting and I would have regretted if I’d never read any of this manga just because of some awful fanbase members.

ANYWAY IN SUMMARY bunni cry over episode