#you missed the boat and are just being scammed now

[somekindafairy]

i have a family member who i feel is just so susceptible to certain scams and idk. its like all these people telling you how to get rich, if you just give them money they will tell you the tried and true method to get rich, you can become a millionaire if you just give them money and come to their seminar and...

idk just she talks about it and is so excited and it feels so sketchy and idk how to talk to her about it.

[conhivemindcent]

So I’ve been consuming a lot of the posts about Oceangate and now that it’s safe to assume the passengers are dead, I want to give my own take. Feel free to disagree.

Firstly, I never heard this on the news. I did hear about the boat where 78 immigrants were killed and hundreds missing off the coast of Greece. This may be a cultural and proxemics thing though, as I’m British (we have shit immigrant laws) and the Oceangate fiasco took place closer to America and Canada. So those claiming this is probably a case of Tumblr once again being American-centric.

Secondly, i don’t know how to feel about the deaths. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. They knew what they were getting into with this, and that their deaths were very likely. I do think this was a failing of their own hubris and also a huge waste of money. Insert something about capitalism and the woes of such here. But if the ship didn’t implode, it would’ve been a living hell. Starving, cramped, excrement everywhere, dark. It sounds like something out of a nightmare rather than something real. I don’t know if I feel sorry, as it’s most likely I won’t experience this ever in my life, but I definitely feel bad about it.

Third, I hope Oceangate gets sued. This was unsafe af, and where most of my anger is directed. These people tried turning a tragedy (itself also being rooted in capitalism) into a tourism spot for only the elite. Not to mention the unsafe conditions and the knock-off Xbox controller used to pilot the ship. This definitely seems like a scam and I hope they suffer repercussions for their actions, especially now it’s likely the CEO is dead.

Forth, I hope the ship imploded. That seems like the most humane way for this all to end. Battle about humaneness all you want and whether the rich deserve it, whether a 19-year-old nobody knew about prior to this deserves this, but I hope they all died quickly rather than long, drawn out, and suffering from lack of oxygen.

Fifth, some of the memes are funny. Mostly the ones about the Xbox controller. I don’t really like memes making fun of people dying. But then again I’ve never liked to make fun of death, whether deserved or not. (Exception to the kind of things in r/peoplefuckingdying because those are over-exaggerations of the most mundane stuff.)

Sixth, this should be taken as a cautionary tale. Don’t underprepare and do your research on shady seeming stuff. Don’t think you’re above death because you’ve got a spare load of money.

Seventh, leave the damn titanic alone. Everyone who was on it is now dead. The ship itself is crumbling. Leave it to rot, and let it echo through history books and that one James Cameron movie. Let children learn about it and use it to learn how to write newspaper articles and as a fun research project, which fun fact: is how I learnt about it. As an 8-9 year old. The novelty’s worn off in the past few years. Let’s just leave it as something cool for kids to learn and not add onto it with stupid stuff like Titan.

[fungirl-apk]

JJK CHARACTERS AS SCAM ARTISTS. (JUJUTSU SCAMMERVERSE.) (PT.1)

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(a series dedicated to Jujutsu kaisen characters and what type of scammers they would be. (Keep in mind this is just a joke - slander if you will. Lmao. )

-> PART 2(toji)

TW// dusty!satoru, scammer!satoru, dustmite!gojo, mentions of scammer!geto, crackfic

1K+ words

(if you have eczema , asthma, or a cold, reading this fic featuring dusty gojo and (a very little, but still dusty) geto will make you cough, wheeze, hack, and sneeze. read at your own risk.)

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SATORU GOJO - THE MONARCH SCAMMER.

-SATORU is definitely the "over-the-phone" foreign country emperor-type scammer. The kind of scammer who chooses gullible females (such as elderly women,) or vulnerable women (such as lonely widows,) on purpose - he's no misogynist, but he finds women easier to manipulate cash out of (partially due to his good looks and silver-tongue). Besides, what woman can resist a handsome ""emperor"" from a foreign country? with a foreign accent?

-SATORU would definitely be the type to carefully plan out his responses/behaviors before manipulating his victims for cash - he'd purposefully distance himself away from his victim for days, but not before saying things like: "I'm broke", "I have no job", then arrive with a half-assed apology 3 days later, "oh- sorry! was busy working, lol :p"

-SATORU would obviously not be stupid enough to contradict himself, By accident that is. He knows what he's doing, he's just making it seem like he's hiding something... Hiding the fact he's the quote "emperor from some rich foreign country".

He realizes he could never just say that though, so instead, he'd leave little traps for his victim to pick up on, hints, and clues, that'll eventually all add up and corroborate his story. 

-SATORU's entire goal from start to finish would be to push the theory without explicitly saying it. The more distance between you two, the more suspicious you will get.

the more desperate for an answer you feel as he pushes you away? This is how he lures you in, although you'll never realize it until the end. 

-SATORU would only strike when he knows he's destroyed your morale. When you inevitably lower your standards for an explanation as to why he's been "traveling in and out of Japan", desperate for anything, you'll accept his outlandish confession of being a

"foreign imperial monarch, emperor of the south who has 8 Bugatti's and 5 exotic albino peacock-tigers and an 89 figure bank account".

And regardless of whether you truly believe it or not, you accept it. Because you're just desperate for his company and tired of feeling neglected.

-SATORU would use his previous absence to further push the theory if you still weren't convinced enough. "Yeah, the reason I missed your birthday was because I was helping the local Duke of the North. I got injured, so I was in the hospital". he wasn't.

"remember when I said I couldn't be there for your promotion party? The guards of the south needed my assistance on the day of the party, so I traveled to Japan to help them.". He didn't. 

"That picture of me on the airplane was me traveling to my kingdom". He literally snuck onto that plane without a ticket...

-SATORU is smart, smart enough to know you probably would begin to doubt his fictitious empire and his tenuous adventures about "large boats made out of porcelain with golden jewels, exotic albino caviar, and white pearls" in Bali, Indonesia.

So, to further sell the dream - he sends in cash or expensive gifts now and then as the final nail in the coffin. To some inexperienced scammers, it just looks stupid, considering he's supposed to be the one receiving money, "counterproductive" they say.

 But Satoru just scoffs and writes them off as "amateurs". He doesn't see it as ""CoUnTeRpROduCtive"" He sees it as an investment, a down payment, or to put it more accurately, a security deposit for the future.

"It isn't guaranteed you will get back the same treatment in dividends from the person you choose to pour all this unnecessary money into..."

Nanamin often remarks. But again, Satoru just scoffs. Nanamin just doesn't understand the psychological genius behind a true mastermind such as THE gojo Satoru, king of the con artists. Some say he's arrogant, but he'd just say he's confident in his abilities as a scam artist. 

what comes around goes around, and he's gonna get his money back one way or another. it's just his good karma.

-SATORU's best friend, confidant, and partner in crime, geto, comments that if any regular person were to describe Gojo, they would say he's an absolute despicable excuse of a human being.

If any of his victims were to describe him, they'd say he was a learning experience and their first real heartbreak.

If an advanced scammer were to describe Satoru, they would say he is a genius but arrogant hustler in a world full of flim-flam cowards,

a true fraudster in the flesh. Most scammers who've heard the tales of Satoru Gojo assume he's worked his way up to the top all by his lonesome, brewing his own methods of mind games and manipulation processes resulting in successful licks among women internationally.

But, geto would just chalk it all up to him being born into a very corporate family. 

One that happens to scam their customers out of new and expensive phones every 6 months for minimal features but 6000x times the price. it's worth it though, because you get 50kb more space. :>

-SATORU would never let another man in your life. not in jealousy - but in greed. He's had men in the past attempt to distance his victims away from him in either pursuit of a romantic relationship, or because they're trying to play fraudster as well, While he's still trying to play HIS tricks.

you can guarantee no matter who it is - Satoru takes it as a sign of blatant disrespect if another scammer attempts to try and get in the way of his bag 

So, he makes an example out of them, which is the number 1 reason why Satoru Gojo became the most notorious figure in the Con-artistry community.

 IF a man somehow reaches the god-like proportions Satoru Gojo has achieved in the world of the jujutsu scammer-verse, he'd just have to knock him down to size.

He can't have another shyster challenging his authority. If the JJK scammer verse is the Wild Wild West, there isn't enough room in this town for both of them.

-SATORU in the world of scammers would be the kingpin, the best, the inspiration, the moment, and the blueprint for other scammers in the jujutsu scammer verse.

and he's a dust storm heading toward all the women. ladies, pack your bags, skip town, and lock your doors, it's sneezin' season - and beware of the Toji dust blizzard following right behind

-> PART 2(toji)

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ATTENTION ALL READERSSS, THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE IF ITS POPOCACA BUT REMEMBER IT'S JUST A JOKE FOR YOUR PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT

BUT IF MY FANFIC ERADICATED ANY FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT FEEL FREE TO CRITIQUE ME!!!!!!

(also, here's a quick yuji fanart I created LOL)

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[lordmartiya]

@mlbfemslashfebruary

My second entry, this time for day 15, is the second part of Trust and Secrets Are to Be Treasured. This time from Lila's astute yet arrogant point of view.

It had been a few days since Lila had given Marinette enough proof to take her down, and she was starting to feel better. The night after she had done it she had panicked and broken into her house to retrieve it, except Marinette had anticipated it and got Chat Noir to wait for her and tell her she had already hidden everything, without telling her guard cat what “everything” was. And the guy hadn’t even asked what it was – he got it. Enough she had actually hit on him, except he had moved on from Ladybug and had a girlfriend. Ugh! Finding people who actually understood it was hard. Chat Noir had been after Ladybug until he finally got a girlfriend without the news picking up (and they’d never do, considering they still had the flirt thing going on. A French thing, she had heard), Ladybug was on her shit list, Adrien got with the funny-named one minutes before Borgeouis got scammed into throwing away everything good in her life for her abusive mother and ineffective father, and with Marinette she had been in a feud until after she had started dating Luka Couffaine, the future rockstar.

Speaking of which, she was at the Liberty, his mother’s boat, for a new miniconcert of his band, Kitty Section. And she didn’t have to dodge around Marinette anymore, a benefit of her metaphorical leash. Alongside having forced herself to think things through and being able to just talk with Marinette. Now she could enjoy Rose’s surprisingly powerful voice and see if she could help expanding their repertoire, as she was genuinely good with lyrics. And it would be good to have another independent income source if this modeling gig fell apart sooner than expected (Gabriel just gave her weird vibes. Who hires an obvious trained killer as secretary?!).

“Hey.” Alya called her, looking worried. And Marinette was missing. And Luka was missing. Please, don’t be what she feared. “Do you know what happened between Luka and Marinette?”

Lila sighed – the journalist was smarter than her impulse control suggested (another reason to believe Ladybug confirmed the interview), and clearly feared she may have said something to make them fight. But before she could explain she too had no idea her fear came true, and Luka appeared as the Akumatized Villain Truth.

“Tell me Marinette’s secret!” he demanded as he fired his magic at Alya.

Surprising everyone but herself, Lila punched the magic and got under its influence. Time to give him a proper dressing down and vent about how so few people got it while under the magical impulse to tell the truth.

“It’s none of our business, you idiot.” she told him. The funny thing was, she almost certainly knew her big secret, why Marinette disappeared at every Akuma attack. It was actually obvious when one stopped and thought about it… But she had no confirmation so she didn’t actually know. Also, as she said, it was none of their business. “Seriously, what’s with this fad of knowing secrets?! Everyone got secrets! I have secrets, you have secrets, Marinette has secrets, and we all pretend otherwise because as long as they don’t hurt others they aren’t their business! The world still exists because during the Cold War both sides realized they were going to find out something that warranted a war declaration and told the other side to hide it better, because they weren’t crazy enough to start a nuclear war! How you dare to ask about Marinette’s secret?”

“Er… She’s late so often, and said she couldn’t tell me-” Truth whined, before Lila cut him off in genuine anger.

“She admitted she’s got a secret?! She trusted you enough to admit that there’s something that could utterly ruin her, and you have the audacity to get Akumatized over it? That’s it, give me your Akumatized object and get in timeout.”

Amazingly enough, Truth did exactly that, too shocked by the situation to do otherwise. Lila already had the Akumatized guitar pick in her hand when Paris’ terror bowtie made himself known to get his agent back on track. Well, she knew what to do, push the rocker in the river, give the pick to Rose to pass on Ladybug when she arrived (Rose was surprisingly strong and athletic, she was the best choice for this) and then run away pretending to have the pick to lure Truth away. She was already enjoying hos expression when a familiar magic baton broke the pick and announced Ladybug and her minder had arrived. And going by the fact Chat Noir immediately asked her a question whose answer was “Lucky Charm”, the near nudist had been affected by Truth herself.

“Ahó! Ladybug!” Lila called out. “Later we need to talk.” Because she knew the pretend-heroine was responsible for this mess.

 -----------

By the time Lila was visited by Ladybug she knew the spotted annoyance wasn’t entirely responsible – madame Couffaine’s decision to hide the father of her children was Jagged Stone had been already putting him under pressure before the situation with Marinette pushed him too far. She guessed he was too close to the situation to realize what the timing of Crocoduo’s break-up meant. Then again, Jagged Stone’s career before going solo was known by a weirdly small amount of people… Or maybe it was her who was weird for trying to know everything about the guy’s career.

“You should take responsability for your latest mess.” Lila told her.

“Which one?” Ladybug asked, weirdly meek. She supposed the consequences of the identities of almost all her interns being exposed during Borgeouis’ gravest error were tormenting her. Though that one was forgivable, how was anyone supposed to know the terror bowtie was smart enough for long term planning?

“I’m talking of how you managed Marinette being the only one of your interns whose identity is still safe.”

Ladybug stood still and looked at her in surprise. After savoring leaving the pigtailed menace speechless with her flawless deductive abilities, Lila explained: “It wasn’t that hard, really. She disappears at every Akuma battle and is sleep deprived enough to be perpetually late for school but can’t be you because she’s got fashion sense and you clearly don’t, can’t be Chat Noir because I’ve spotted them together, and if she had the Butterfly Miraculous she’d have already won and never made something as tacky as the Bubbler – seriously, he looked so horrible you’d think the bowtie had a grudge against him. Also, she got worse right after your interns got exposed to Paris’ fashion-challenged public enemy #1, it’s clear you intend to have her use some powerful Miraculous. Maybe something with time travel, or maybe you’ve been training her to take over the Bee. And whatever it is, she always makes sure you can arm her with ease while torturing herself with the fear of messing up, and she got so nervous she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend. Maybe getting someone else to ease her burden? Like the Tsurugi heiress, she’s got a weird personality and a mother that makes Gabriel Agreste look permissive, but she’d be quite the heroine. Or Adrien, he knows powerlessness and can be trusted with destructive stuff.”

“Er… That’s quite the deduction, even with the faulty premise…”

“Sure, sure. Anyway, are you going to take responsability?”

“Did you mean that thing about secrets?”

“Was I under a truth spell? But seriously, why do you ask?”

“Because I need someone to confide with.”

After the stomacache forced Lila to stop laughing, she realized Ladybug wasn’t joking.

“Look, I’m trying to not get into more trouble, but what makes you think I wouldn’t screw you over?”

“Tikki, Spots Off.”

Marinette. Ladybug was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Well, that explained everything. Well, almost. And forced Lila to realize that yes, Ladybug was sincere in trying to apologize, and no, she hadn’t okayed that famous interview. She knew Marinette too well for that.

And it also meant that if she played her cards right she could get to date someone who got it. Though she’d have to wait, rebounds were simply unhealthy. Speaking of which…

“First thing tomorrow we take your stalker shrine and give it to Adrien’s fan club before you try and rebound on him.” Lila ordered. Because she wasn’t going to allow Marinette to get in that mess. And speaking of mess: “Also, why is your costume so plain? You’re a fashion designer, you impressed Gabriel Agreste, the Style Queen herself praised you on live TV, why is your costume basically painted on in such a plain pattern?!”

“Depression.”

Oh. Yeah, she had messed up. A lot.

[zephyrrydrake]

Vent post. Move on if you don't want to read.

I feel like I'm failing Palestine. Idk, I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I know the world sucks, I know that it's broken and that people are dying and suffering and being tortured. I feel like I can't do enough. Like what I'm doing isn't enough.

121. That's how many asks I've let sit in my inbox for over a month. They piled up. They've just gone unanswered. I don't feel like I can delete them because I feel like I need to help them. I have a platform. It's basically a raft compared to the giant boats that are some other people's platforms, but it's still a platform. Since I was younger, the whole reason why I wanted a big platform in the first place, was so that I could use it to help people. My motivations have kind of shifted cause now I just wanna make stuff, but still.

I can't donate any money. I don't usually see a lot of these people's fundraisers getting reblogged. I think a part of me doesn't even want to do this. I know it's selfish and I should be spending my time helping people, but it's hard to care. And I hate that it's hard to care. Because I want to care. I want to want to help these people. But I'm just apathetic. I mean, I'm happy when I see their GoFundMes gaining traction and I'm happy seeing that someone met their goal. I cheered when I saw that someone got enough funds to get out of Gaza. But I just can't always psych myself up to care about all this stuff the way these people deserve to be cared about.

My feelings are complicated. I kind of feel this way towards other aspects of my life too. Honestly, it might just be an autism thing. Doesn't make me feel less guilty about it though. Or more, pseudo guilt? Because sometimes I can't even really bring myself to feel guilty. My emotions are fucked.

And then of course those two fucking gimmick blogs came out and attacked some of the people who verify fundraisers. And I decided to hear them out. And now I'm questioning if maybe these may or may not be scams. Fuck, man. Like I said in my pinned on @rydrake6 I just need a break.

I already know that my "activism" is mediocre at best. I know that I'm probably barely even doing the bare minimum. I know that I need to rethink my methods. Right now I'm just questioning whether I should even keep doing this. As I'm writing this I'm drafting a post in my head that's like "I'm sorry to say, but I'm going to make the unethical decision to stop talking about Palestine."

I don't want to. Or I don't want to want to. But it's not like I'm doing much now anyways. I'm boycotting. I'm staying away from the big corporations and I've been in multiple fights with my parents over this stuff. I've been doing clicks on that one website, even though I might have missed some days. I've been reblogging Gofundmes even though there's not a lot of people who donate because of me to my knowledge.

I just don't know what to do. That's exactly why I need time to think about this shit and get it sorted out. I wonder if it might be better for me to just step away. Just do my own thing. Figure this whole thing out. I know tumblr has a scammer problem, but I don't think that's what's going on with the majority of these gofundmes.

I'll figure something out. But for now I'm just going to keep to myself. Probably try to stay off Tumblr more. Actually, yeah. I think I'm gonna try to stay off Tumblr more. I thought this place was gonna be better than twitter but shit. Everything is falling apart. I think I'm gonna lower my scroll limit. It might just be temporary but I really need to get off of social media. It's bad for me no matter what website I use.

[sublimeobservationarcade]

Australian Banks Make Record Profits & The Scamming Of Customers Goes On

How can we have a situation where Australian banks are making record profits in the billions and we are getting scammed for billions at the same time? These scams utilise our bank accounts and banks to transfer their ill-gotten gains. “This underpinned a $2.47bn record annual profit at Qantas, a record $10.2bn profit at Commonwealth Bank and a record $7.4bn profit at ANZ, as well as a string of strong results recorded by Westpac, NAB, Woolworths, Coles and others.” (https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/nov/19/australian-banks-in-6bn-share-buybacks-amid-wealth-transfer-from-customers-to-investors) Is it right and just that these banks declare such enormous profits and do so little to monitor and check the illicit use of their banking services by these scammers. In fact, the banks are making money from the scammer’s use of their services. How are we the Australian people putting up with this? What are our governments and political leaders doing about this travesty? Why are we the patsies for corporate greed? Australian banks make record profits and the scamming of customers goes on.

Australians Scammed For Billions Whilst Banks & Telcos Make Money From Scammers

Similarly, what are the telcos, the communication carriers doing to halt the endless text messages carrying links to fraudulent sites purporting to be Australian businesses? “Telstra has announced a $2 billion profit in its latest full-year results. The telco announced on Thursday that profit for the year jumped 13 per cent to almost $2.1 billion while its total income rose to $23 billion.” (https://www.9news.com.au/national/telstra-profits-2023-financial-year-telecommunications/2cc5c8fb-cf58-44bb-a156-8814a10bea6b) Yes, more record profits for Australian corporations in 2023. What are they doing about the billions of dollars of scamming taking place via their networks? Shouldn’t we be asking why more is not being done to stop the scammers. Of course, Telstra and Optus make money from the scammers utilising their networks. This completely unacceptable state of affairs has been going for years now. What is the government doing about this?

Banks Should Be Investing Billions in Stopping Scams Surely, some of the huge amounts of revenue generated by these banks and telcos in their oligopolies should be invested into stopping the scammers. They seem to think that they have a God given right to profit from our misfortune and do nothing about the holes in their systems. This comes from the lack of competition in the sector. What has the ACCC been doing? Yes, there is a corporate competition watchdog if you didn’t know. However the ACCC has been missing in action as far as the market goes in Australia. We have one of the greatest concentrations of market power into the hands of the few globally seen. This is why our banks and telcos can set the prices and fees we pay without fear of market repercussions.

Australian Banks Make Record Profits & The Scamming Of Customers Goes On The ACCC & ATSIC Are Toothless Tigers Looking The Other Way The ACCC and ATSIC are more gladhanding corporate boy’s clubs than any sort of watchdog. These toothless tigers are too close to the action to actually do anything about transgressions. Their people aspire to being rich and being rewarded with high paying positions in the sector. Don’t rock the boat baby is their favourite tune. The financial realm in Australia is an old boy’s network where looking the other way is akin to a Masonic handshake. ATSIC generates billions from the fees it charges and rests on its laurels on this basis.

Banks Victim Blaming Aussies Being Scammed Australians need to start making more noise about being the patsies for the banks, telcos, and scammers to the tune of billions. Corporate Australia turns around and blames the victims. Yes, blame those with the least amount of financial literacy! The low rates of financial literacy in this country have been encouraged by the financial sector so that they can take advantage. The financial sector in Australia is a corrupt closed shop. Aussie apathy has kept them at it for the duration. It is time to get united and start protesting the travesty being committed by the banks and telcos. Come on let’s make some noise. Robert Sudha Hamilton is the author of Money Matters: Navigating Credit, Debt, and Financial Freedom.  ©WordsForWeb

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[seat-safety-switch]

No matter who you are, I personally guarantee you that you will like the Toyota Celica. This model has something for everyone, from the dirtbag rear-wheel-drive drift crew, to early-00s tuner magazine readers, to the busy mom, to Tom Baker cosplayers who want a vehicle that perplexes and delights in equal measure. Yet, it’s a sad fact of our current era that there are not enough Celicas to go around.

Sure, most of the blame has to be attributed to Toyota. In their tireless quest for profitability, their armies of soulless bean counters eliminated the most soulful of their automobiles. Personal luxury coupes were pushed upwards into the Soarer, and the Celica simply ceased to exist. That’s why I scammed all those billionaires into funding a “private space program” that mostly consisted of buying a spot on a roll-on-roll-off ferry for my own personal luxury coupe (a 1980 Plymouth Volare) and showing up on Toyota City’s own doorstep.

Now, in case the legal authorities are reading this: I was extremely prudent with expenses. And I mean extremely. For instance, I didn’t buy airfare to Japan for myself. Instead, I hid in the trunk of the Volare for two months at sea and subsisted entirely on bags of Cool Ranch Doritos (carbohydrates) and French Onion dip (for vegetables.) Any bathroom breaks were limited to the short period of shift change, where I knew for sure that no stevedores would be wandering the decks and become confused about a strange white dude shitting off the side of the boat next to a 1970s Mopar with its trunk open.

It’s strange being alone with your thoughts, in the dark for so long. Sure, during the day, the sunlight trickling in through panel gaps and rust holes made the trunk bright enough to read Haynes manuals, but night was an immersion into pure darkness. Rich people will pay an absolute fortune to be immersed in a sensory deprivation tank such as this, and now I knew why. Sitting above a fifty year old dry-rotted spare tire, next to a breakdown kit missing most of its original tools, my mind wandered the planes of existence. That’s why I had a revelation.

We’re not going to get into the specific tawdry details of my extended parentage, but when I rolled up to the mansion of Akio Toyoda, I was burning with a particular energy that could be seen from space. It wasn’t just the lack of deodorant and vague fishy smell, either. He knew that the true heir of Toyota had returned. He waved away the bodyguards, and stood there, silent, on his front porch in his Cathedral Gold Metallic (T-1212) nightrobe.

“Hm,” he finally said. “Please follow me to the garage.”

[merakiui]

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

[ceilingfan5]

hi hello i’m moving out of my childhood home tomorrow and i’m feeling a lot. is there any way you could write something sweet with any pairing? perhaps with the fake marriage/childhood best friends prompt?? : )

(i hope this is sweet enough to soothe you!)

Kravitz sits cross-legged on the floor of their apartment balcony and closes his eyes, trying to let the cool night air soothe his nerves and ending up tangled in knots anyway. This whole thing has been a mess, a disaster, but also the best part of his life so far. He’s wanted to be married to Taako since sixth grade, and in a monkey’s paw sort of way, he’s gotten that dream come true. But it’s a farce, a scam, and worst of all, it’s coming to an end.

“Good news,” Taako had said, facing away from him and making mac and cheese from scratch for dinner, because he’s incredible and talented and amazing and so, so good to Kravitz. “Since we’re both graduating, we can get ‘divorced’. We don’t need to pretend for the benefits anymore. Things can go back to normal.”

No offence to Taako’s mac and cheese, but Kravitz couldn’t hold it down.

He doesn’t want to go back to normal. He’s treasured every kiss, every embrace, every moment they stole to hold hands for their audience of people that could report their fraud. That night they had to share a bed in the hotel? Kravitz still dreams about waking up with his arms around Taako’s middle, how warm he was, how he unconsciously tucked himself back into Kravitz’s embrace when he moved. And this is over? Kravitz almost feels like their friendship is ending, and that’s enough to make him nauseous again.

The problem is, he loves Taako. He’s loved Taako for most of his life. And Taako just thinks he wants to be friends. Good news. He almost wants to fail on purpose so he can’t graduate, so they have to stay together, but that would be patently insane. There’s no possible course of action here. He’s going to have to get divorced from his best friend, and pick up the pieces of whatever there is left to go back to.

The balcony door slides open, and Kravitz startles, opening his eyes. He’d been sure Taako was deep in studying for a quiz before he got out of bed to come out here. He’d thought it would take longer.

“Hey,” Taako says, uncharacteristically soft. Actually, soft in the way pretty much only Kravitz has ever gotten to see, which makes it even worse. “You still feeling rough?”

Kravitz swallows and glances at him.

“How did you know-”

“It’s a cheap apartment, the walls are thin.” Taako sits next to him, splaying his long legs out. His knee bumps Kravitz’s leg, and it’s bizarrely comforting, even now. “Do you think the milk was expired or something? Maybe you’re coming down with a bug? Stress? You get like that when you’re stressed sometimes.” He fidgets with his braid, unraveling it and retying it.

He doesn’t look at Kravitz.

“I...” Kravitz doesn’t know what to say, and the worst possible thing comes out of his mouth--the truth. “Taako, I… I don’t want to get divorced.”

Taako goes still next to Kravitz, which is absolutely bizarre. He’s like a character in a video game, always with some kind of idle animation.

“No?” His voice is even quieter now.

Kravitz shakes his head. He’s gone and done it now. May as well ruin everything forever.

“Do we have to? I...I don’t want to stop being married to you.”

“I thought...” Taako’s fidgeting starts again, but stuttering and stopping, not nearly so rhythmic as usual. Normally, that’s one of his favorite things about Taako. “I thought you’d want to just be friends again. You get this look on your face when we kiss sometimes like you’re in pain.”

“Because I want to kiss you for real,” Kravitz whispers. “I like you a lot, Taako. Fuck it, I love you, and I have loved you since we were kids. Even my moms know that. I- I mean I try to be subtle about it, but I don’t know how you could possibly miss how head-over-heels I’ve been for you all this time.” Kravitz takes a shaky breath.

“Shit,” Taako says, and he brushes his bangs back and laughs. “You love me?”

Kravitz’s heart sinks like the paper boats they tried to float on the river every year of elementary school together.

“Of course I do. I don’t know how I couldn’t.”

“Now I feel pretty stupid.” Taako reaches for his hand and squeezes it tightly. “I’ve been in love with you since we picnicked under the stars right before my auntie died.”

Kravitz’s heart fully stops.

“Taako, that was in fourth grade!”

“Yeah,” Taako laughs, but when Kravitz finally turns to see his face, he’s crying. His tears glitter in the moonlight like they’re full of magic, and for the fiftieth time and the first time, Kravitz leans over and kisses him. It lasts only seconds, an eternity, and it feels so right in the way all those others never did. It feels real. Kravitz finally pulls away to breathe, and Taako rests his head on Kravitz’s shoulder, tucking so neatly against him like they were made for each other.

“I guess this is why all those people kept saying finally when we got hitched.”

“We might be stupid.” Taako kisses his cheek, and then tucks himself close again, and Kravitz wraps his arms around him and holds him, for the millionth time, for the first time. It feels as natural as breathing. “Guess we’re meant for each other.”

“I never did get the hang of dating,” Kravitz admits. “I only did it because I hated watching you with your boyfriends.”

Taako snickers.

“I’m sorry, that was kind of cruel of me. I thought maybe...” He clears his throat. “I thought maybe if you got jealous enough, you would do something about it.”

“Well, I’m doing something about it.” Kravitz kisses his head. “D’you wanna get married for real, even though for legal purposes we are already a wedded union?”

“Shucks,” Taako says cheesily, even though he’s crying again. “Thought you’d never ask.”

[bastardcatthings]

No, you know what? it's not funny (Rant)

Watching "Mac and Dennis buy a timeshare" and "being Frank" back-to-back just insanely unsettles me in regards to Dennis (and the rest of the gang's) treatment of Mac. Like, it's no secret that the gang (and specially Dennis) have started treating Mac like shit for no absolute reason (cuz he’s annoying? please, you guys SAY that more than you actually show it to us. Mac is not any more annoying than he was before. If anything, he is less annoying now that the whole bossy thing/” gay people bad” phase of his has fizzled out...) but to actually see it play out within the span of 40 minutes is just too much. And they're not even that far apart! They're only 2 seasons apart; that's only 20 episodes! Like, not even a full season in comparison to longer sitcoms! And yet such a blatant 180° shift in the characterization and for what?! It's not even funny! Not even the fucking dudebros on reddit think that Mac being excessively submissive to Dennis and just overall pathetic is funny! Like how fucked up is the situation that not even redditors are trying to laugh at him cuz obviously a man being in love with his best friend is the funniest goddamn thing in the world (they said, sarcastically, trying to not go on a rant about people who actually act like Dennis is a successful womanizer or that mac was “ruined” by coming out or keep making bird jokes about Kaitlin and God I’m getting angry again)

Shipping be damned (since most times this problem get addressed, it's in regards to macdennis) this affects the platonic friendships (the whole group dynamic) in the show SO MUCH as well. Look, sunny is not a cuddly show, nor is it a feel good one in any(conventional) ways, but it always has had a heartwarming element in the relationships that the members of the gang have with each other. While not healthy or wholesome 99% of the times, there is something almost endearing about the games that Charlie and frank play at night times. about Dennis and Dee having similar quirks that remind you, yeah! they're twins! About Charlie and Dennis sharing one (1) single brain cell, dee and Dennis still referring to frank as their dad when he's not around, Mac and Dee being unhinged together, the boys giving the first bite of the steaks to Dee and toasting to her when she tied the waiters shoe laces. Something about Mac and Charlie throwing rocks at trains just like they used to do when they were kids and of course, the holy grail of relationships on sunny (and damn me for getting back to them because I wanted to talk about mac and Charlie, AND I WILL IN A MINUTE) Mac and Dennis. doing, well, anything. No matter what they did they were always on each other’s team. Recession? boom. everybody fired but us. Mortgage crisis? Boom. We're playing realtor husbands. Dee got scammed? well we won't be baby, let's go get ourselves a new set of golf clubs. No matter what happened in the show, they were by each other’s side- literally, these guys are constantly sitting/standing/walking next to each other- so much so that you don't even notice how weird it is that they get on so great. Hell, THEY don't even notice until Dee points it out to them in mac and Dennis breakup! On the gang misses the boat, Charlie and Dee themselves said the reason they never did anything that they wanted was because MAC AND DENNIS would judge them!!! They are the DEFINITION of a package deal. And look where we are now.... anyways also gotta talk about Charlie and mac, y'know, the guys who PRACTICALLY GREW UP TOGETHER?? Remember the time when Dennis was actually jealous that Charlie considered Mac his best friend? And he was so ADAMANT about it and only started to waver after he suspected Mac might be sleeping with the waitress? The guy who told Mac: those others guys didn't get us man but I feel like you just get me we just click (kinda paraphrasing but this was the gist) THAT GUY turned into this sarcastic a-hole that just dismissively says: He's fat, he's skinny, he's muscular, it’s really a cry for help and attention......REALLY?!?!?!?and it's not even that Charlie is actually an asshole in season 13, his character is pretty much the same expect towards Mac. Because the writers needed everyone to hate mac sooo much, they forgot their characters whole backstory and relationships. Nice. Real nice guys. Speaking of the writers needing everyone to hate mac,

WHY IS MAC FILLING THE ROLE THAT DEE ALREADY HAS?!?

See, I don't enjoy seeing Dee belittled or mocked by the guys, except that I do. Kaitlin Olson really struck gold with Dee's character. She brings this air of empty confidence and slight narcissism to Dee that makes it SO MUCH EASIER to hate her. Even if you don't hate her, at least Kaitlin gives you a performance that on the surface makes you believe that Dee really has better things to do and she's not really stuck with the guys ,so that makes you feel safe about the effect this may have on her feelings and you allow yourself to laugh unapologetically to every oldie but goldie bird joke that the boys throw at her, even tho if you actually sit down later and think about it , you realize that yeah she has nothing better to do and nowhere better to be and this is her only friend group and family! but by then you have already laughed at the episode and this is just you thinking about it on overtime so the writers don't care .They achieved the goal of making you exhale from your nose. But with rob McElhanney?? yeesh.... it's just blatantly sad. There is just the surface. There is no deeper layer. There is no overtime and most importantly, there is no laughter because Rob with those big brown puppy dog eyes of his looks so goddamn sad and broken that as a person who genuinely cares about these garbage people, you can't really bring yourself to laugh at him (also points to Kaitlin for being a woman which makes her easier to hate/laugh at her misfortune since media has desensitized the masses to the female characters getting ragged on all the time especially in comedies. yay misogyny!!) I still believe that THE saddest line in iasip was said by Mac on season 13 ep.1, which was "you guys like me, right?" ......... was this really supposed to be funny? I mean shit man, with Rob's face when he said that and the defeated tone he had while saying it.... it's like in the gang broke Dee, even the guys know that when you don't defend yourself, it's just not funny back and forth anymore, it's just sad (also with dee at least they tried to come up with fun insults and jabs, which is way friendlier imo than acting disgusted by mac all the time/not even acknowledging he exists)

This of course is not to say that Rob is not a talented actor, just that it's always been that way. Dee is the punching bag and mac is the bossy guy and even tho they are much more than that, you really shouldn't try to completely swap/break these character molds after a decade. It will just fail to land. And the funny thing is that sunny prides itself on the policy that these characters do not change and grow as time passes and you know what? They've for the most part upheld this little law of theirs. Frank and Charlie and dee only suffered minor flanderization throughout the show (I like to think that the fact they all seem more normal on the first few seasons is just the natural progression of these human beings, in-universe) all the while Dennis and mac make absolutely no sense in the roles they have assumed in the show as of right now (season 14). There was a time where Dennis WILLINGLY let Mac presume the role of the brains of the trio!! Now imagine season-14-the-head-cow's-always-grazing- Dennis agree to that. Can't, can you? And that's not a good sign and that's not in-world progression (or, well, regression I guess) either since it makes no sense how he got from point A to point B. Dee started from setting a girl on fire for stealing her look pre-season one and a decade later she got revenge on her stripper ex-boyfriend by booking him a gig at his daughter’s party. You can see how she got there but how did Dennis go from being deeply invested in an argument about being a power bottom in the middle of a scheme, to visibly scoffing at Mac's suggestion to bring the bit back … I'm at a loss.

And you know what bothers me the most? What prompted me to write this monster of a text out of spite? The fact that I just KNOW that rcg (and Megan or whoever else) don't have ANY plans to take this somewhere. As much as I want to believe it, this is not Mac "gently coaxing Dennis out of the closet through patience" (they've had many opportunities to hint at that and they just didn't, in fact they chose to go the opposite direction and show us Dennis legitimately hates this whole thing coughtimesupforthegangcough) or Mac "shedding his toxic masculinity and bossiness and being more relax and happy" he's NOT happy! In fact, we have been shown (more like seen repeatedly be used as a joke) that Mac is constantly upset with his current situation (*do you think Dennis hates me? * *You guys like me, right? *) and this is not Dennis being angry with mac that he pushed Dennis in the closet but now is out himself (as much as I ADORE ADORE ADORE this take on why he dislikes Mac so much after coming out, please never stop writing about this scenario)

Look *deeeep sigh* I'm tired and I've digressed so damn much from my original point. This was supposed to be a three paragraph long shit post but somehow 4 hours later, we're here because ultimately, I (for whatever reason) care about these horrible people and I genuinely want this show that I love so much, be the best it can be and yeah maybe I care too much about whether or not a misogynistic, gay,40 something year old, FICTIONAL guy who is obsessed with his best friend and has a sticky bible, gets made fun of by his equally loser friends but hey, that's the sunny way. Getting too pumped about shit that matters too little.

But of course, in the end

REASON WILL PREVAIL.

[angelicyoongie]

the crimson shell

— pairing: jungkook x f!reader — genre: mermaid au, yandere au — w.c: 1.9k — warnings: mild stalking, near drowning, mentions of eating humans — notes: just wanted to contribute something to mermay! this is also my first time attempting to do anything in the realms of yandere (and mermaids!), so pls be nice lol. in this universe everyone is referred to as a mermaid, no matter what gender they are. this will most likely be a two or three part series with jk growing more and more obsessed as he gets y/n into his scaly clutches :)

Part I / II / III / IIII

— summary: you had always found comfort in being at the beach, often spending hours just watching the waves lap against the shore. but unbeknowst to you – something had been watching you back.

You inhale deeply, enjoying the salty smell that so uniquely belongs to the ocean. The last rays of sun are slowly disappearing behind the horizon, painting the skies and the waves in hues of deep pink and purple. You’re going to miss this view.

You sigh, running your fingers through the coarse sand as you let the gentle breeze caress your face. You’ve been looking forward to this for years, but now that your departure is so imminent, it feels more scary than liberating. The time has come to finally leave your home behind, and you feel a pang of regret as you realize you might not see your friends or family for a very long time to come.

Years of saving up your measly paychecks have finally paid off, and you’re setting sail for an island you’ve been hearing constant murmurs about for the last few months. Originally, you were only going to travel to the next kingdom over, hoping to find more suitable work there to help your parents stay afloat. But the talk of the mystery island abundant with riches piped your interest more than you would like to admit – and you’ve never been one to shy away from adventure.

However, you weren’t stupid enough to just blindly trust the rumours milling around your little town. In fact, you wholeheartedly believed it to be a scam until a familiar face suddenly turned up in the town square only a few weeks ago.

You hadn’t seen Jimin ever since he set sail for the unknown six months ago; and so everyone, including yourself, had presumed that your talkative neighbour had met an ill fate, and was floating at the bottom of the sea. You realized you couldn’t have been more wrong when Jimin returned with riches you never expected you would ever lay eyes on, his whole body adorned with various diamonds and gold chains.

It was Jimin who had urged you to seek out the same island, saying he barely even took a handful of all the treasures that were there. He had warned you about a price that would need to be paid, but you weren’t all that concerned. If a sea witch wanted your first born, then fine, you weren’t too keen on children anyway.

You busy yourself with drawing patterns in the sand, lost in your own thoughts as you try to remember your little mental checklist of all the things you wanted to see before you left tomorrow morning. You’re pretty sure this beach was the last one. It’s not much; just a short stretch of sand at the edge of the hill leading up to your family’s cottage, but it has always felt like home.

You come here every evening without fail, using the time to relax and breathe. The last month has felt a little different though, even if you don’t like to admit it. You’ve always stayed on the beach quite late, there’s nothing you know of that can rival the starry sky that appears once the sun had set. But lately, you’ve found yourself retreating back up the hill before the night could fully greet you.

It feels like you’re being watched.

It’s silly of course, considering the only thing in front of you is the quiet ocean. You would have noticed if there was something there, but still, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is out there – observing you.

It always happens so suddenly; one second you’ll be merely enjoying the view, and in the next, a sense of dread would knock into you so hard it left you breathless. It would make your neck feel tight, as if someone was gripping your skin, and the hair on your arms would rise in alarm.

Even just the memory is enough to give you goosebumps, and you let out an annoyed huff at how easily you seem to be able to scare yourself. You dust the sand off your hands before you rub them up and down your arms, trying to calm down the twinge of anxiety that’s slowly spreading through your body.

You don’t want to remember your last night here as something uncomfortable, so you let your gaze sweep over the beach one last time.

Something catches your eye just as you’re about to turn. Something red is ebbing and flowing along with the waves, and you hesitantly step forward until you can see it clearer. It’s nothing more than a pretty shell, but you’ve never seen that tone of red before. You snatch it up from the water before the tide can pull it out, slowly turning it back and forth to study it. The last sliver of light seems to catch on to it just right, giving the red a gorgeous golden shimmer.

You let out a low gasp of wonder, trailing your fingers along the scalloped pattern. It’s stunning, and you can’t help but think that it’s the beach’s way of saying its last goodbye. Maybe it was giving you a parting gift.

You clutch the shell gently in your hand, a soft ‘thank you’ slipping past your lips as you watch the ocean fondly. You notice a few sudden ripples in the quiet sea a little further out from the beach, but it has started to grow so dark that it’s impossible to make out anything below the soft waves. Chalking it up to just being fish, you shrug it off, finally turning on your heel to walk back up the hill to your family’s little cottage.

--

You’ve officially been on the sea for a week, and you’ve already grown tired. The small group of fellow villagers that you left with have already started getting on your nerves, and you’re not sure how you’re going to make it all the way to the island and back without going insane. Jimin said you would need to travel north for about two weeks, so you try to find solace in the fact that you’re halfway there already.

The journey so far has been pretty smooth, but the dark clouds on the horizon seem to be rolling towards you at an alarming speed. You dig into the pocket of your trousers, finding comfort in running your fingers along the shell you found on your beach. You can only hope it serves as a token of good luck, because the storm heading straight for you really doesn’t look good at all.  

It feels like you only blink before the rain is pelting down against the ship, harsh waves tossing the wooden boat back and forth to its whims. You’re clinging on the side with all of your might, but the floor has turned wet and slippery, and it makes it even harder to stay on board with all the vicious tossing and turning.

You feel the electricity before it hits, the static making your hair stand up straight right before a bolt of lightning slams into the mast. You can barely hear the loud creak of wood over the screams from the other travellers, you gaze transfixed on the large wooden pole as it starts tipping.

You’re frozen in place; all of your muscles locking up in terror as you realize the mast is coming straight at you. You’ll be crushed in you don’t move, but you can’t. You close your eyes instinctively as the looming shadow rushes towards you, harshly sucking in one last breath of air. You feel the ship lurch, and your fingers slip from the bars you were clinging to as you’re tossed overboard.

A blanket of silence wraps around you the moment you hit the water, all of the screaming and creaking of wood suddenly ceasing as the cold liquid mercilessly drags you downwards. You can see the shadow of the ship growing smaller and smaller, your last breath escaping you as it bubbles up towards the surface.

You flail your hands desperately, your body too low on air to properly function. Swim, swim, swim! Your mind is screaming, but your heart has already accepted the rush of water filling your lungs, and the heavy feeling in your bones.

Your vision grows hazy, the blues and greys of the ocean blurring together. A streak of red suddenly breezes by your line of sight, but your tired brain only managing to provide you with the fleeting thought of fish? before the exhaustion truly sets in. You can hear a low series of muddled clicking noises all around you, but it only seems to make you even more drowsy.

Sleep, a deep voice whispers in the back of your mind. And slowly but surely, all of the mixed colours fade into nothingness.

--

It wasn’t that hard for the mermaid to steer your ship in the wrong direction. The ship was in his waters, under his control, and the storm that suddenly picked up in the northeast presented itself like the perfect opportunity.

He had been trailing after your ship ever since it left the dock, making sure he could strike at the right moment. He couldn’t believe the weird creature he had been watching for months was finally coming willingly to him, but it was only right considering you had accepted his courting gift.

And now, as you were sinking to the bottom of the sea, you were finally his. The mermaid circled you excitedly at a distance as your limbs flailed around underwater. He tried to tell you to calm down – that the fight against his ocean was futile – but you just wouldn’t stop trying.

The mermaid bristled in annoyance, his crimson tail cutting through the sea harshly as he watched the stupid creature fight a losing battle. He needed to take it home now, before his brothers could realize it was here.

Finally, your body stopped moving. The mermaid quickly closed in, strong arms wrapping around your torso as he stared into your unfocused eyes. While he didn’t exactly know what you were, and why you had one limb too many, he had at least gathered enough information to understand that you needed to breathe in that pesky air in order to survive.

He pushed up, letting the currents easily carry him up towards the surface. Of course, he made sure to emerge far from the sinking ship. While the gurgling screams usually were music to his ears – he couldn’t keep you too close to the food. His brothers would be here in no time to feast, and he couldn’t let his new pet be swallowed up before he even had a chance to play with it.

The creature sucked in a shuddering breath as oxygen finally flowed through its veins again. It didn’t take long before all his precious water was being expelled from the creature’s lungs, the mermaid watching in displeasure as it was replaced with that wretched air instead. It just seemed so .. inconvenient.

You didn’t wake however, the near drowning having swept away all of your energy. The mermaid threw one last look towards the remains of the ship, thin lips curling into a pout as the gurgling was replaced by bloody shrieks. He was hungry too, but it seemed like it would have to wait until his pet was out of harm’s way.

Well, at least until it was out of his brothers’ way. The mermaid didn’t like making promises he wasn’t certain he could keep.

[skywalker-swift]

I would love to hear more about tangled dinluke 👀

omg hello there I would love to talk more about it (this got super long so it’s going under the cut)

OKAY so cast of characters Luke as Rapunzel, Din as Flynn, Palpatine is Gothel, Anakin and Padme as the King and Queen, Leia would still be in this but just not born with magical powers so Luke and Leia still get separated, Din’s various vaguely criminal friends as some of the men in the ugly duckling, Artoo as Pascal, maybe Miggs and someone else as the stabbington brothers (i love miggs but thinking about the one episode in season one with the prison) and Max is IG-11, calling it now 

Anyways, basic plot of tangled still stands, Palpatine finds the flower and sings the song

Padme gets sick while pregnant with the twins, Anakin searches and finds the flower to save her, and thus the twins are born and alright, but Luke has this bright golden hair

Palpatine breaks in to steal a lock of hair, hair turns brown, steals a whole ass baby instead 

Palpatine raises Luke as his own, hiding him away from the outside world, and of course Luke sees the lights on his birthday and always the kid full of adventure longs to see them up close. Begs Palpatine to take him but Mr. Master Manipulator turns it against Luke, and continues to make Luke scared of the outside world

So Luke spends a lot of his time painting, cooking, so on and so forth

Anyways with the Brothers, Din steals the crown from the castle, and Grogu is there of course, which is the main reason Din is wanted by the kingdom, but because Din is always wearing a helmet, I think he might be more lax in this AU (haven’t figured that out yet), they can’t get what they think his face looks like on the wanted posters

Continued chase scene with the horse, Din ends up in the tower where Palpatine is hiding Luke away, and Luke just fucking decks him with the frying pan, and take Grogu away from him, who is super confused but likes Luke even though his dad was just knocked out, watching as Luke and Pascal try on the crown

Palpatine comes back, Luke tries to show him Din, and then the fight occurs, and Luke ends up asking for paint instead, so Palpatine leaves and Luke thanks Grogu for being so quiet

Luke and Artoo wake Din up, who is super confused by this pretty man with super long hair, and eventually he agrees to take Luke to see the floating lights, and Grogu is happy cause he likes making new friends!

Just imagine baby luke touching grass for the first time!!! Din is like literally what the fuck but also Luke is adorable so like whatever

Din tricks Luke into going into the Ugly Duckling because Din is not a fucking taxi service thank you very much, but then that goes wrong, and everyone is like Luke your dream is so cute!! Din your dream sucks 

Skipping forward to the scene in the cave filling with water Din tells Luke his name is Din (He’d been going by mando before, whoops sorry for not mentioning that sooner) and Luke is like I have magic hair and Din is like what the actual fuck 

aNYWAYS luke saves the day like always, and Din is like what did i get myself into, I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS but luke is so pretty and actually interested in knowing about Din, and so the orphanage thing is still real but Din tells him how he got Grogu, who just loves Luke so much, so Din takes that as a good sign, and Luke heals Din as well

Palpatine catches up to Din and Luke, and tries to convince Luke about Din’s true nature, and Luke is just like “I think he actually likes me,” and Palpatine “Toxic Kidnapper” manipulates Luke again with the crown 

Skipping forward a bit, just imagine their day in the city with Din and Luke, with Grogu so happy to see his Dad just so happy with someone for once, and Artoo, Grogu and IG are all like DANCE WITH HIM YOU FOOL cause there’s Luke looking like actual sunshine, and Din doesn’t dance, and then IG pushes him into the dance, and just Luke and Din holding each other at the very end of the dance (AHHHHH) OH and the little girls braid Luke’s hair cause i’m not taking out the long hair out of this plot luke would love his hair 

BEFORE THEY RELEASE THE LIGHTS DON’T THINK ABOUT HOW SAD PADME AND ANAKIN WOULD LOOK WITH LEIA, STILL TRYING TO FIND LUKE AFTER ALL THIS TIME AND HOPING THAT THIS TIME HE FINALLY COMES HOME BECAUSE THEY AREN’T COMPLETE WITHOUT HIM AHHHHHH

So, boat scene happens, and just Grogu sitting on Din’s lap so happy, and Din just calming Luke down about how if his dream doesn’t add up, and Just soft looks from Din and when the floating lights start appearing, Luke is just so happy, and Din is like “fuck I fell for him,’ and Luke eventually looks and sees Din and is like ‘fuck i fell for him and his little baby is so cute,’ so they send off lights together, and are holding hands with Grogu just happy to be apart of this and to see his dad look happy like that

Stabbington Brothers Spotted! On the shore, so Din is like, I should finish this so maybe Luke, Grogu and I can all live a happy life somewhere, and of course they knock him out and set him up pushing him across the lake on a ship, 

Luke and Grogu are just waiting for him to come back when the brothers threaten them, so Luke takes him and runs, and Palpatine saves him, so Grogu goes with Luke back to the tower

Din wakes up in prison, and he’s about to get executed, and all he can think of is Luke and Grogu, and he sees the brothers in jail cell, and threatens them, they tell him that Palpatine took them with her after scamming him

IG goes and gets the ugly duckling guys, and they get Din out of there, hook hand is def boba i forgot to mention that earlier, and Din and IG race towards the castle, where Palpatine knows he’s coming. 

Din gets there, Luke lets down his hair, Din makes it up the tower, sees Luke and Grogu in chains, Palpatine comes behind Din and stabs him, Grogu is crying and angry, and Luke is just resisting

Palpatine tries to get the two of them out of there, and Luke tells him that he will fight everyday of his life, unless he can save Din, then Din is locked up, and Luke is just like stop talking let me heal you, and Din cuts his hair instead of letting Luke heal him because he would rather Luke and Grogu be free than himself be alive

Palpatine turns to dust like the little bitch he is

“You were my new dream,” “And you were mine,” don’t fucking look at me

Grogu and Luke crying over Din, Grogu in Luke’s lap, then bam magic powers rescue the day, and just picture Grogu staring at the light

“Luke..Grogu?” and they just throw themselves on Din, who just so happy to have them both in his life, and Grogu in Din’s lap when he kisses Luke for the first time, don’t look at me 

the reunion scene with luke’s family, Padme staring at her son, and Leia throwing herself onto Luke, and Anakin wrapping all three of them into the biggest hug, and Padme pulling Din and Grogu in as well  DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT ME PADME WOULD HAVE LOVED DIN

And then the final scene with Luke being the one who like “after many times of asking, I finally said yes,” “Luke...” “Okay!! He finally said yes :D” and then Luke, Grogu and Din live happily ever after as a little family 

Omg sorry this is so long but here you go!!! please ask me more questions about this AU with details i might have missed!! thank you so much for your ask! also sorry about any spelling mistakes I was just so fucking excited when you sent this ask) 

[fieryhonesty]

The life of You

[AO3]

Words: 3619

You and the traveler accompanied by his floating friend were nearly close to your final destination. Passing through the entire Liyue, taking a short stop to relax a bit here and now. Enjoying the view at the marvelous land. It never stops to amaze you how beautiful the sunsets are when you can observe how the sun is disappearing behind the mountains.

Liking more Monds as it was a more free and easy going country. The green everywhere was easy on your eyes and overall didn't remind you all that stress tied to business. However you have to admit some parts of Liyue are way too pretty. Perhaps one day you could visit those pretty spots with your friends.

Having a nice walk and observing the never stop to amaze you lands. Some special kinds of flowers and herbs grow only here. Animals you can't see in the anemo Archon domain. Simply put, this is an experience one has to feel and see at least once in their life. 

You made sure not to wander too far away from the main road. Being pressed by time and distance was one thing. Being lost in the middle of somewhere was another. You sure knew your way in Liyue but mostly around habited areas. Not really have spare time to explore the land in detail.

Sometimes you had a short trip around here and there, in presence of other people. Those trips were mostly to bring you and your employees closer and take a break from all of that exhaustion. 

It's really sad how people in Liyue are different from people in Mondstadt. They are always in a rush, stressed out and business is always on their minds. However they are also willing to help with anything related to their field of expertise. 

Can't choose between this and that? Or not sure if this would be a good deal? Well you can be sure they will shower you with advices. However be aware of smooth talkers. They know a lot and know how to make one agree and probably buy more than they were willing at the start.

After all it is all just a part of the never ending flow of contracts. Tied to mora exchange and customer's satisfaction. You were sometimes thinking if Liyue being mostly yellow has something to do with currency. This color is so dominant here, everywhere. One would think leaves and grass is dying but it was healthy just like everywhere else. 

Mora is yellow, Liyue is land of contracts. Money is flowing in and out. This surely can't be coincidence, Morax must have been really smart back then.

You guys were close to Harbor's gates, a few more steps and you could see the entire city. One side enveloping it with azure blue sea, ships being docked in harbor. Supplies being carried out or in, depends on the ship's purpose and destination. Also there were smaller boats as well. Those were personal ones, more than for transport they were for amusement of their owners. 

You often heard about wedding proposals being made at those cute boats. Also there were people who used those boats for business, they transported people between north and south Liyue. It was sort of a trip one could say.

Hearing amazed 'wow' from your companions, turning to them with a smile on your lips.

"Just wait for the night. Then it gets super pretty but also really hectic. As that's the time where citizens are really free from their responsibilities and can enjoy free time." 

"Paimon can't wait to see all those stalls with delicious food!"

You chuckled at her remarks. Not needing to spend too much time with them to know the floating girl is easily manipulated when it comes to food. Just a mention of it and she is all yours. When you said about local specialities her eyes were beaming with excitement. 

By the look at Aether's expression, that was just a normal thing he got used to. As he had to get used to Paimon's big mouth. On your way here, to be more precise when you passed the middle part of Liyue. You came across some beggars. Asking for spare coins. You are still unsure about being glad for what Paimon said or not.

If it weren't for her you two might have got robbed. It turned out to be a bunch of treasure hoarders, not poor beggars barely living. When they found out both of you are carrying weapons and can channel elemental energy. They rather backed out of the trouble.

"Well then, let's head down. Shall we?" 

And so all of you slowly descended down, crossed the city's gate. Passing through streets and making sure the two are following you. Getting lost here is quite easy. 

As you arrived with one day spare, you could have just breathe out and rest for today. The rite will be held tomorrow. The question is what now? Turning to your companions.

"I'm hungry, fancy to get some food?" 

You didn't have to ask twice. Especially when it came to Paimon who was just excited flying around. Checking on stalls and observing various things. The street you were in was mostly for small merchants, selling their handmade goods. Be it art, jewelry, porcelain or those cute paperweight things. Often having sea and boats inside of them.

Moving to the next street which was purely dedicated to kid's enjoyment. Various toys shops and things which sometimes were too inviting even for yourself. You can just silently applaud those toys makers. If an adult like you has a hard time then what about the kids?

Quickly making your way to the small square which was dividing enjoyment shops from more practical ones. Such as herbalists, perfumes, food shops and also some kid's forbidden places. Starting with bars and ending with places you rather not want to think of ever entering. Otherwise you'd die in shame. 

Leading the way to your favorite shop. Knowing your friends probably won't know how to use chopsticks, it will be better to grab some finger food. Sweet dumplings, regular dumplings filled with various things, fried meat. Heck they even sell fries here which you thought it would be only in Mondstadt. 

Once you have all of your food, you have moved to a quieter place. A park with a lot of ponds, lotuses in, fish literally swimming under your feet as you were crossing via the small bridge. Sitting in the least busy place. It was just afternoon and there were already enough people to make you feel uncomfortable. Luckily you are used to crowds now.

With stuffed bellies you guys were barely able to move so you decided to sit around for a bit more. You explain them basics about the city. Like where to go if they'd need this or that. How to avoid being scammed. Liyue might be the land of contracts, one still has to negotiate about prices. People will always try to nudge prices in their profit.

"Paimon wonders. We have been around every major street and miss y/n told us about important places but..." 

She scratched her head.

"Where's your business?" Tilting her head to the side while making 'hmm' noise. Which immediately Aether joined in. 

You didn't plan to show them the building where your now middle sized company was residing in. For some reason you felt uneasy about showing your friends. You still didn't like the fact of inheriting it but at least it's in better shape than before.

As the previous owner was barely able to sign contracts and fulfill her duties. It was slowly fading, many employees had left the company. Also there was a debt written in its name. 

You didn't know why exactly you just didn't turn away and leave. It was none of your business. It was her mess. But somehow you decided to stay and help. It was awkward, especially meeting the dying woman. But you hold back your grudge and remarks. 

You knew it won't be an easy task especially after seeing what has happened in a very short period of time. First of all you needed to gain some trust from the remaining employees. To them you were nobody. Well. It wasn't far away from reality.

You were just a teenager who wanted to train and become a guardian of the city. Perhaps later on find somebody to get laid with and have a happy family. More happier than you had. But that all was taken away or so you thought.

However as the time passed you realized something. One can still be a guardian without having the title. When the debt collector came everyone was scared and shaken. There was no doubt about it might end up pretty bad for everyone present including you. But you played it smart, managing to convince the debt collector about giving you a bit more time.

It was the last chance you will get, he said before leaving. You were shaking and felt like vomiting. But at the same time proud of your smooth talk to get your through it. One thing you could thank to a certain bluenette. 

Since that day you got more trust from employees. It no longer being just the assistant who stood by you, willing to help. With a young mind and great ideas you managed to slowly but surely get the company back to functioning. Guided by your assistant who happens to have enough experience to actually lead the company. But for whatever reason she was not named as the next successor. 

You never felt any hateful feelings from her or desire to take the post from you. If anything she is keeping everything under control and is really modest. Admitting just half for her effort no matter what you said. 

It took over three years to fully recover for the company and be able to compete with others. Or at least partially. No longer being in debt and haunted by the Fatui agents. However to prove the company's worth you had to make a bigger showcase. Everyone was able to attend and observe. Enjoy the food and drinks. The event cost quite a bit but in the long run it turned out to be very worth it.

Eventually getting more offers for material, more interest from not only people from Liyue but also from Inazuma. However that didn't last long as it one day became completely locked away from the world. You really liked the direction where everything was going, nearly forgetting about your life in Mondstadt.

Warming up to people, growing fond of them. It was no surprise to see you spend time after work with some of your employees. Going to a tea house or dinner. Despite you being overly busy you still found some free time to hone your swordsmanship. You still wanted to be able to protect the weak. 

One night after a very long and tiresome week you found yourself staring at the clear night sky. You just finished one of your training. The sky was so nice, the stars being so bright. You wondered if they are looking at the sky right now. If you do see the same thing.

You were one of those people who were forced to grow up and become an adult quickly. Acting like a grown up despite being still pretty young and inexperienced. If it weren't for Mrs. Yue you'd be doomed. Also many others who often offered help. You liked those people but never admitted it aloud. 

When one day supplies didn't arrive in time, nor any message about delay. You got worried about what could have happened. The road which you chose was relatively safe and there were loaned guards for the cart. Something inside of you was telling you to take a look at it. 

Taking your trustworthy sword, leaving a message for Yue who happened not being present at that moment. So when she arrives at the office she would know. There was also stated if you don't return until noon, she will have to alert Millelith.

Just as if you knew. It didn't take long until you found a damaged cart and unconscious guards. However your people were missing, supplies being destroyed. Looking around and noticing tracks. 

The further you follow the more you know you are being lured into a trap. When you entered a place covered by an obvious illusion, you knew there's something really wrong and you just couldn't leave it be. Finding your way around, coming across cocoons. Hearing silent cries coming out of them.

Just when you tore through one of them and saw one of your employees. You realized what made those cocoons. Freeing them out. They were exhausted and pale. However fear allowed them to push forward and retreat from that place. But you did not. 

You knew the thing might attack again. Somebody else who won't be that lucky as your people. Giving them a reassuring smile, saying that you will be alright and they should have enough time to get back to cart. With some luck Millelith will be there already, taking care of them. 

Turning back and running deeper into the weird hive. Just then you realized how much naive and stupid you were. Risking your life just like this. Could it be bravery? Or just being a complete fool? Probably the latter. Your sword skills were impressive however facing the beast proved you were not strong enough. 

You could feel how your life energy was leaving your body during the encounter. You will die here. But you didn't care. You were devoted and wanted to protect. You got poisoned in the middle of the fight. As the poison was slowly spreading across your system. Fingers becoming numb.

You were half accepting the truth of never making it back. To never see any of the people who you consider close to you. To never see your employees' faces. Or never held a party to celebrate somebody's birthday. Or never be able to chase your dreams.

Just when you thought 'that's it I die here' you felt intense energy surging through your body. You could feel how it was encouraging and empowering you enough to rise up, avoid the fatal hit. It was like just all the fatigue has left your body. The poison was no longer effective. 

Swinging your sword, a wave of elemental energy being released. It cut through the beast's thick shell. It surprised you to see what happened but not letting it take over. You thought of channeling more of this weird yet powerful energy. It felt cold but at the same time warm. It might be because your body is getting confused over all of this elemental power, flowing through you.

As you rushed forward with cry, your blade met with the beast's arm. Cutting it off like it was a butter, following to its face. You cut through the entire thing, leaving a crystal like pattern behind. Was it ice? The beast has fallen with a loud and dull noise. 

Looking around, the place was covered in icy fragments. Surely the place didn't look like this before. Glancing down at your hand as you felt something appeared in it. A turquoise orb with a snowflake symbol, socketed into a silver frame with a pair of small wings on bottom at each side.

You knew what it was. Taking a hold on it and looking up. You never thought of ever receiving your own vision. Never feeling worthy to have one. Yet the cryo Archon thought otherwise. 

You did not remember how you got out of that place or what followed. Your body was exhausted and all you know is you will live to tell the tale. Whatever happened you just pushed it away, thinking it was the remaining strength you had, carrying you to safety.

Finger snapping brought you back to reality. Making you realize you had spaced out. Giving apologetic smiles to your already worried companions.

"Gosh. We thought you got possessed by something! We kept calling for you but you didn't respond!" 

Poor boy. His voice was worried and by the expression Paimon was making she was not feeling any better.

"Ah yes. I uh... Something crossed my mind, sorry about that, haha!"

Your eyes dropped down as you nervously fiddled with your fingers. They really want to see your workplace. Letting out a sigh. This had to come eventually. It's not like being ashamed or something, just feeling nervous.

"Alright then. I'll show you, with some luck we might catch up with my assistant so I could introduce you.~"

meeting with yue, talking about the stormterror, skip, rite and inspection, later the day meet traveler talking with tart and be not so nice cuz he fatui have some not really warm talk between you two, offering aether new clothes, then leaving after yue cuz you were going to tea house lol

The building was quite far away from the center. Hidden between two bigger ones, making it look smaller than it actually was. The receptionist was already gone. However people from security who were counting their last minutes for today greeted you with a bow. You motioned to them and kept walking with your friends right behind you.

"So this is the main hall where clothings get sewed together, the opposite doors are where all the fabric cutting happens. And the last door at the end of the corridor is the warehouse. We have another one on the upper floor, but that's for cleaning items only." 

Leading them around, letting them inside to check stuff from close distance. You even met somebody who was going home late, wishing them a nice evening. 

As the building seemed to be quite small from outside, there were many rooms inside. And even more things stuffed in.

"What's this room for?"

The blonde asked while he stood in front of the nameless door. Whilst you just chuckled.

"Some call it a relaxing room, others a sleepy room. It's just to assure nobody gets overly overworked. I know some people stay here until evening despite their work hours ends in mid afternoon." 

Both Aether and Paimon's lips are curling into an 'o'. Probably they did not expect to come across such a room like this. They followed you to your office. Well the office you shared with your assistant.

When you opened the door you found the lady sitting behind the table. She looked up and her eyes sparkled with joy. Getting up and coming closer to embrace you as always.

"Welcome back Lady y/n! I did not expect you to come this week!" 

You returned the embrace as it was something you always do with her. She was like a close friend to you despite the age difference between the two of you. She might have two kids around age of 10 but she is still looking so young and pretty. Also she loves to spoil you like you are one of hers.

"Mrs. Yue this is Aether and his friend Paimon I told you about during my last visit. Aether, Paimon this is Mrs. Yuefeng, my assistant and probably the main pillar of this company."

It was hilarious to observe how the two of them didn't know the greeting here. Trying to mimic what Yue did. 

"Welcome at Qingshan Clothing! You are indeed very cute as Lady y/n said, hmm maybe too much."

Your eyes glancing between her and Aether, mouth partially opened to say something. Coughing away the awkwardness. 

"Please don't mind it. Everyone's cute in her eyes. At least everyone who is younger, which is practically all of us."

"Mmmh! Indeed! You are cute kiddies. I can't believe you are the ones who saved Mondstadt from the Stormterror. You look so innocent but you know what they say. Don't judge a book by its cover."

Yue giggled at her own remark. She was always like this, it was hard to believe such a nice lady like herself can deal with rough business so flawlessly. You glanced over at the table, noticing the mountain of paperwork.

"Well it's getting late. How about you go home my friend? I told you several times not to stay overtime." 

It felt weird to actually lecture a woman who could be acting as your mother but you had no choice. She smiled at you with a tired face.

"I hate to break it to you but this is urgent and has to be done by tomorrow morning. We were stressing about finishing the order in ti-"

"And that's exactly why I order you now to pack your stuff and go home. Relax. Enjoy kiddies and your husband. I'll finish it."

You gave up on having the entire evening free but oh boy you hated people working overtime. Why people can't just chill out. Always in stress and rush.

"But Lady..." She didn't finish her sentence. Your expression was more than serious. 

"Very well. Thank you, I'll treat you tomorrow for some tea. Oh! The rite! We could go there together and after it ends we will crash at our usual spot!" 

Well not like you had something against it. You came here mainly because of the rite. Everything else was just convenient enough, happening along the way. Entrusting Aether with Paimon to Yue's care. As she could take them to an inn. Observing how they disappeared behind a corner. 'I hate this work so much... I wonder if Diluc also has to deal with stuff like this or has people for it.’

Previous ✨ Next

[gaangadventures]

Hi! I’ve just found your blog and will you marry me?!? AANG CONTENT?!?? ! I saw the requests open and if you’re still open for them could I request a Zuko x reader? Zukos been awed by readers sheer power over and over cus he’s a sucker for strong women. And when he joins the gaang he is soo smitten with the reader and every one sees it but the oblivious reader. And he enventually asks for everyone’s help but during the ember island play she finds out cause they over dramatize his big crush?

Awww! We should probably meet before getting married lol  Sorry for taking so long with the request, life has been kicking my butt. Here you go! c: 

As a former citizen of a small village in the Earth Kingdom, you always longed for adventure and there weren’t many ways to leave your family farm. Or at least not without having to take something from them, and you had refused to. You knew they had little enough already.

But it was different one day, after meeting the avatar himself and his friends. As an earthbender, you weren’t sure where you could go but you wanted to go everywhere. And if you could beat up some Fire Nation soldiers, then you would be having the time of your life.

You had gone into the market for some feed for the lone ostrich horse, and a few of the Fire Nation soldiers had caught wind of the avatar. You were sure that he could actually take them down himself, but you weren’t exactly going to test that theory, and you trapped them in pillars of earth before helping the group out of the market and towards your family farm.

That was how you had met them anyway, and you had asked to join them that day. You hadn’t exactly expected them to say yes either, but they had, and you were overjoyed. So were they, but you assumed that Katara was more or less just glad to not be the only girl there.

Shortly after you joined however, the adventure you always wanted seemed to be a bit much at times.

First, there was the general that actively tried to get Aang into the avatar state and had put all of you in danger for it. Then there were the nomads that you had wanted to leave in the tunnels, you couldn’t believe how carefree they could be in the middle of a war. Even after all that your group had done to get into Omashu, you all found out that the Fire Nation had overtaken it and that Aang had to find an earthbending teacher himself. You offered, but you still had much to learn for it yourself.

And your least favorite place happened to be the swamp. Everyone there had visions of some person they already met and lost or in Aang’s case, were going to meet. You however, had a vision of your family. You had left them, and who knows if you would see them again, but you kept reminding yourself that it was okay, and they understood why you did.

The next place was some odd avatar-hating village, and Aang got arrested. But it was okay, because the day had ended with him out of prison, you beating up some soldiers, and some weird dough-like thing that you immediately spat out after tasting.

 In another Earth Kingdom town, your group had gone to an underground earthbending tournament which you had a blast watching. You had wanted to participate as well, but ended up following the rest of them as they looked for the Blind Bandit. The day went well, considering Aang had managed to get an earthbending teacher and so had you, despite her parents originally saying no. You had assumed that her parents never changed her mind like she said, having done the same thing with your own.

After Toph had joined, there was a strange metal contraption constantly following them by way of Appa’s fur trail. It had turned out to be the Fire Nation princess herself, and her two nonbending but still dangerous friends. You had helped Sokka and Katara with the other two that you had yet to learn the names of, while Aang was dealing with the last one. There was a fight because of course there was, you were starting to wonder just how many more fights you would have to go through in this. That was not to say you didn’t like to fight. You excelled at it.

That had also been the first time you had actually met the Prince Zuko that had literally followed them around the nations, and the first thing you wanted to know was where his ponytail had gone. Sokka had made sure to tell you all about it, but had left out the fact that he could actually be considered attractive, not that you would say that part out loud, and especially not when he was your enemy as well.

You had definitely been thrown for a loop when Azula had shot Iroh with lightning, only for Zuko to refuse help from any of you, even though Katara would have been the only one able to actually help.

Your second least favorite place was the desert, even though you thought the library had been amazing, apart from Wan Shi Tong getting upset that you guys had actually only come to learn how to defeat the Fire Nation. But Appa had gone missing, and you were absolutely convinced none of that was Toph’s fault. Another part of the desert that you didn’t like much were the buzzard wasps, but at least you had begun learning how to bend sand, which was definitely odd.

On your way to Ba Sing Se, they ended up meeting a few old friends of theirs, the Kyoshi Warriors and you had been quick to introduce yourself as well. Mostly since you had grown up hearing about them, and how amazing they would be, you really aspired to be more like them. 

Of course, the ticket lady wouldn’t let any of you get onto the ferry without passports, and Toph had managed to get all of you, only for the group to go the other route to Ba Sing Se when a pregnant lady and her husband had mentioned that their things were stolen. The Serpent’s Pass, you thought was aptly named when going through it. The serpent was terrifying, and you severely hoped that you wouldn’t have to go that way again. 

But at least you had made it through before Ying had her baby, which you thought was surprising considering she was quite far along. She asked you if you wanted to hold her, and you declined, having held more babies in your life than you probably would have liked, not to mention you hadn’t particularly wanted to hold any more. At least for now.

The new family had separated from you and your own group when you finally reached Ba Sing Se, only to find out that the Fire Nation trio was back again and they were trying to take down the wall with another metal thing. You had been helping Toph and Katara bend the awful rock and water combination and successfully kept a few of them back that way.

Ba Sing Se was a horrible city in your opinion, the Dai Li only being a part of it, but you were having a big issue with how the poor had less opportunities and the like.

You were partially glad when you left with the group, but heavily concerned for the avatar you’d come to think of as a younger brother. He had been shot with lightning and actually died, it was a miracle when Katara had healed him.

The weeks passing seemed to grow longer and longer, and nobody said it but everyone could tell that there was a lot of concern and worry for Aang when he hadn’t woke up. You spent your days learning how to bend metal like Toph, and it had taken you a while to even start.

Once he was awake however, you had to leave the boats you’d grown somewhat accustomed to and wait for the solar eclipse to grow nearer.

Unfortunately where you had to wait happened to be in the Fire Nation itself, and you hadn’t exactly wanted for more red in your wardrobe but it couldn’t be helped.

The next month or so, you weren’t sure how long it actually had been and couldn’t be bothered to remember, Katara had helped a coast village with its sick by posing as a river spirit and had even blown up a Fire Nation factory with Aang and finally scared the soldiers away from the town by continuing the ruse. Sokka had acquired a master of his own and made his own sword out of a piece of rock that fell from the sky. Toph had been scamming people in town, occasionally with your help but you ended up stopping when you thought that it would be too obvious. Katara had ended up finding another Southern Water Tribe bender, but unfortunately due to decades of being in prison had gone mad and had been kidnapping innocent people and trapping them under a mountain.

Hama had actually terrified you more than anything else had, but you couldn’t help but pity her at first. Your empathy had been shut off when you saw how Katara had to bloodbend her that night, and how upset she was.

The day of the invasion had been off to a good start, but it had been cut short when everyone learned that the Fire Nation already knew of the solar eclipse and had planned for it.

All of you had regrouped, apart from the adults that had gotten arrested for being a part of the invasion, and had gone to the Western Air Temple. Having never gone to any of the air temples yourself, you had quite a bit of fun exploring this one.

When the prince himself appeared and offered to be Aang’s firebending teacher, you wanted to throw a rock in his face and probably would’ve, had anyone else started a fight. It had been his choice to join his sister in Ba Sing Se, and now he wanted to join the group that he’d been chasing this entire time? Needless to say, you held a grudge against him, and you wouldn’t hesitate to earthbend him to the edge of the cliff if he tried anything.

The next day however, Toph returned with burned feet and Zuko had come back yet again. After his apologies, Aang had accepted him as his firebending teacher shortly after that.

It seemed like everyone but the ones that could earthbend had gone on a field trip with him, oddly enough, when Aang and Zuko had gone to learn real firebending, then it was Sokka and Zuko apparently breaking Hakoda and Suki out of prison but they also brought back a prisoner named Chit Sang too. Then it was Katara’s turn, and she went with him to confront the man who killed her mother. Thankfully, she hadn’t killed him.

Instead of camping out, Zuko had offered up a new place to sleep at, and it was a house that apparently no one goes anymore. You were a little weirded out at the thought of it, and Katara thought so too.

“Doesn’t it seem weird that we’re living in the Fire Lord’s own house?

“I told you, my father hasn’t come here since our family was actually happy. And that was a long time ago. It’s the last place anyone would think to look for us.”

“True, but still weird.” You piped up, doing your own stretches as the two firebenders had finished with their training.

“You guys are not gonna believe this. There’s a play about us.” Sokka said, walking out onto the courtyard with Suki, holding a rolled up poster, looking awfully smug.

“We were just in town, and we found this poster.” Suki continued, while Sokka rolled out the poster and held it up so all of you could see it.

“What? How is that possible?”

“Listen to this.” Sokka started, before beginning to read off the poster itself. “The boy in the iceberg is a new production from acclaimed playwright Puan Tin who scoured the globe, gathering information on the avatar from the icy South Pole to the heart of Ba Sing Se. His sources include singing nomads, pirates, prisoners of war, and a surprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage.”

“Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island players.” Suki finished, before Zuko began to groan.

“Ugh. My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered “Love Amongst the Dragons” every year.”

“Sokka, do you really think it’s a good idea for us to attend a play about ourselves?”

“Come on, a day at the theater? This is the kind of wacky, time-wasting nonsense I;ve been missing.” And with that answer, you all headed out to the theater to see whatever play this would end up being.

Upon arriving, you all settled down into the seats, Katara sitting next to Toph and you sitting next to her, much to Aang’s disappointment, you were sure. You expected Aang to just sit down next to you, but no, Zuko had.

“Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section? My feet can’t see a thing from up here.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell your feet what’s happening.” Katara answered to Toph, while your gaze was awaiting on the curtains.

They opened to show what was supposed to Katara and Sokka on a boat in the sea, back in the South Pole you assumed. You almost laughed at Sokka’s excitement to notice the two when he grabbed his sister’s shoulder and pointed from each other back and forth.

“Sokka, my only brother.” The fake Katara let out a sigh, dramatically gesturing to the painted “ice glaciers” on her side. “We constantly roam these icy south pole seas, and yet, never do we find anything fulfilling.”

“All I want is a full feeling in my stomach. I’m starving.” ‘Sokka’ responded, making the real Katara and Sokka give each other a look as the audience burst into laughter.

“Is food the only thing that’s on your mind?”

“Well, I’m trying to get it out of my mind and in my mouth. I’m starving.”

“Is that all that guy says?” You grimaced, starting to dread when your character showed up.

“This is pathetic. My jokes are way funnier than this.” Sokka exclaimed, while Toph laughed at him.

“I think he’s got you pegged.” With that, the rest of you turned back to the play.

“Every day, the world awaits a beacon to guide us, yet none appears. Still, we cannot give up hope, for hope is all we have and we must never relinquish it, even. . . Even to our dying breath.” Fake Katara began to sob, and you drew in a breath through your teeth when Katara crossed her arms.

“Well, that’s just silly. I don’t sound like that.”

“You have your moments.” You admitted, but even you would agree that this was an exaggeration for sure.

“Oh man, this writer’s a genius.” At least Toph was having fun.

“It appears to be someone frozen in ice, perhaps for 100 years.” ‘Katara’ said, when a light shone down onto a floating iceberg.

“But who? Who is the boy in the iceberg?” Fake Sokka asked, the two climbing up the iceberg.

“Waterbend, hi-ya!” Fake Katara cried out, drawing her hand down as if to actually crack the ‘iceberg’ herself, only for it to break and reveal fake Aang, whose actor was a girl apparently.

“Who are you, frozen boy?

“I’m the avatar, silly, here to spread joy and fun.” ‘Aang’ giggled, and you looked to the avatar himself, only to see him frowning deeply.

“Wait, is that a woman playing me?” He asked, right as a fake Appa showed up and went around the iceberg in a circle while fake Katara gasped.

“An airbender. My heart is so full of hope that it’s making me tear-bend.” She began to fake sob, falling to her knees and grabbing onto fake Aang’s leg. 

“My stomach is so empty that it’s making me tear-bend.” Fake Sokka cried out, falling to his knees as well and grabbing onto ‘Aang’s’ other leg. “I need meat.” With that, you really couldn’t help but laugh, even when both Katara and Sokka were beginning to glare at you.

“But wait! Is that a platter of meaty dumplings?” The actress for Aang mentioned, pointing up at nothing in particular.

“Ooh, where, where?” ‘Sokka’ quickly asked, only for ‘Aang’ to start laughing.

“Did I mention that I’m an incurable prankster?”

“I don’t do that. That’s not what i’m like. And I’m not a woman.”

“Oh they nailed you, Twinkletoes.” Toph joked, laughing at the play as she basically had been this entire time.

A new boat showed up on the stage, this time carrying Zuko and his uncle.

“Prince Zuko, you must try this cake.” ‘Iroh’ offered, while fake Zuko was looking out at sea with a telescope.

“I don’t have time to stuff my face. I must capture the avatar to regain my honor.”

“Well, while you do that, maybe I’ll capture another slice.” Fake Iroh said, before literally shoving the cake into his face and eating.

“You sicken me.” ‘Zuko’ said, with a disgusted look on his face, and you let out a laugh.

“They make me look totally stiff and humorless.”

“Actually, I think that actor’s pretty spot-on.” Katara joked, and Zuko had been quick to turn to her.

“How could you say that?

“Let’s forget about the avatar and get massages.” 

“How could you say that?” Fake Zuko cried out at Iroh’s suggestion, only for you to laugh when you saw the look on Zuko’s face.

The scene panned out to show Aang the actress at the Southern Air Temple, with a tail sticking out of the fake bushes.

“Hey, look! I think I found something.” Fake Aang kept digging into the bushes, only to come back out with a fake puppet of Momo on his shoulder and a fake arm hanging from his side. “A flying rabbit-monkey! I think I’ll name him Momo.” He laughed, before moving the puppet so it would look like it was talking.

“Hi, everybody. I love you.” At the sight of it, both you and Aang let out a low groan. Momo did not deserve this slander.

With another scene, it showed a Kyoshi Warrior, which you assumed was supposed to be Suki before ‘Sokka’ came out, dressed in the same Kyoshi Warrior ensemble.

“Does this dress make my butt look fat?” He said, making the real Suki laugh, as you turned to look at the couple.

“So nobody told me you were a Kyoshi Warrior? I do have a question though. Did you look as good as Suki does?” You couldn’t help but tease him, although this was definitely bringing up some topics that you had missed out on.

The scene changed yet again, but this time was showing what was supposed to be King Bumi. Was he really that buff?

“Riddles and challenges must you face if you are ever to leave this place.” It showed fake Aang pushing a boulder, fake Sokka running from a gorilla rabbit, and fake Katara groaning as she was trapped in crystals.

It cut to a different part of the play, showing a pirate boat and pirates began to surround the trio. The pirates continued to fight each other as the trio actually got out quite safely.

“Why did you have to steal that waterbending scroll?” Fake Sokka asked as they crept away from the pirates.

“It just gave me so much hope.” Fake Katara answered, sobbing yet again.

“I really hope my character isn’t as bad.” You added, wearing a grimace, since you knew Katara didn’t cry nearly as many times as this one made her out to be like.

“The avatar is mine!” Fake Zuko cried out, while fake Aang was chained to a wall with soldiers surrounding him. “Wait, who’s coming?” He pointed to a different part of the stage where a person with a large blue demon-like mask held dao swords.

“I am the blue spirit, the scourge of the Fire Nation, here to save the avatar.” He exclaimed, before the soldiers began to drop to the ground dramatically and he somehow defeated fake Zuko as well as simultaneously untying fake Aang.

“My hero.” ‘Aang’ said, before leaving the stage with the blue spirit.

The scene changed, and it showed a sobbing ‘Katara’ with a fake Jet, hanging from a rope.

“Don’t cry, baby. Jet will wipe out that nasty town for you.” 

“Oh, Jet. You’re so bad.” Toph laughed, while Katara tried to hide her face, and you just lightly patted her shoulder with a slight look of pity.

“Look! It’s the Great Divide. The biggest canyon in the Earth Kingdom.” Aang mentioned, standing atop fake Appa.

“Eh, let’s keep flying.” Fake Sokka shrugged, while you only leaned back into your seat.

“Don’t go, Yue. You’re the only woman who’s ever taken my mind off of food.” The two actors dramatically kiss, before fake Sokka turns away with a gag. “Wait, did you have pickled fish for dinner?”

“Goodbye, Sokka. I have important moon duties to take care of. And yes, I did have pickled fish.” Fake Yue said, going up into the sky with the moon.

“You never told me you made out with the moon spirit.” Suki chuckled, and you glanced at the couple to see tears in Sokka’s eyes as he shushed her.

“Shh, I’m trying to watch.” Turning back to look at the stage, you saw the actress for Aang in a fish spirit costume, crushing fake fire Nation ships.

“The avatar is back to save the day! Yay!” He said, kicking and stomping on the rest of the fake ships before falling onto the floor as the curtains closed.

“So far, this intermission is the best part of the play.” Zuko mentioned when all of you sat on the steps outside of the theater.

“Apparently, the playwright thinks I’m an idiot who tells bad jokes about meat all the time.” Sokka angrily shoved jerky into his mouth, as Suki teased him.

“Yeah, you tell bad jokes about plenty of other topics.”

“I know!”

“At least the Sokka actor kind of looks like you. That woman playing the avatar doesn’t resemble at all.” Aang lamented, putting his hands over his head, as Toph shrugged.

“I don’t know. You are more in touch with your feminine side than most guys.” With that, Aang groaned and Katara interrupted when he stood up.

“Relax, Aang. They’re not accurate portrayals. It’s not like I’m a preachy crybaby who can’t resist giving over-emotional speeches about hope all the time.” Everyone had clearly been looking at her but nobody said a word, until she asked. “What?”

“Yeah, that’s not you at all.” Aang backed her up, sitting back down and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Listen, friends. It’s obvious that the playwright did his research. I know it must hurt, but what you’re seeing up there on that stage is the truth.” Toph offered, and you tilted your head.

“Not quite I don’t think, this is definitely exaggerated.”

As the group went back into the theater, the scene was apparently when you had met the group, seeing as it looked like your hometown.

“Well, here we are in the Earth Kingdom.” 

“I’d better have a look around to see if I can find an earthbending teacher.”

“Hey, is that the avatar? Get him!” A Fire Nation soldier exclaimed, pointing at fake Aang, when fake you appeared on the stage.

“No, don’t take him! I need to leave this town and abandon my family forever!” ‘You’ cried out, fake earthbending the soldiers out before running with the group. “I don’t want to live on this farm anymore! I want to beat up people!”

You grimaced at their portrayal of you, but at least the actress looked somewhat like you, even if the personality was quite a bit off.

“That’s not. . Quite true.” You added, seeing fake you leave with the rest of them. 

The scene was changed into another Earth Kingdom town, and you assumed this was where Toph showed up.

“Well, here we are in the Earth Kingdom again. So we can find an actual earthbending teacher.” Fake Katara repeated, the four of them standing next to a suspiciously large rock.

“This must be where I come in.” Toph whispered as fake Aang ‘flew’ around the audience with a rope.

“I flew all over town, but I couldn’t find a single earthbending master.”

“Here it comes.” Toph said, leaning forward in her seat.

“You can’t find an earthbending master in the sky. You have to look underground.” Fake Toph was apparently a very large and buff man, throwing the fake rock off stage. Which only caused everyone but Toph to start laughing, yourself included.

“Who are you?” Fake Aang asked, as fake Toph spat away from him, before proudly pointing to himself before beginning to flex his arms.

“My name’s Toph, because it sounds like tough, and that’s just what I am.”

“Wait a minute. I sound like a guy. A really buff guy.” Toph said, already starting to smile when Katara turned to her.

“Well Toph, what you hear up there is the truth. It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t have cast it any other way. At least it’s not a flying bald lady.” Toph answered, making Aang frown as you bit back a snicker.

“So you’re blind?” ‘Aang’ asked, waving his hand in front of ‘Toph’.

“I can see you doing that. I see everything that you see, except I don’t see like you do. I release a sonic wave from my mouth.” Fake Toph explained before beginning to scream, causing everyone in the audience to flinch, apart from the actual Toph of course, who only grinned. “There. I got a pretty good look at you.”

The scene changed to show Iroh and Zuko who apparently had long hair now.

“Zuko, it’s time we had a talk about your hair. It’s gone too far.”

“Maybe it’s best if we split up.” Fake Zuko dramatically flipped his long hair as the two actors walked off the stage, only for everyone to come back with fake Azula as well.

“Azula, my sister, what are you doing here?”

“You caught me. Wait, what’s that? I think it’s your honor.” She said, pointing up and everyone in the cast looked away from her as she slipped away.

“Where?”

“She escaped. But how?” Fake Katara asked, and it switched to show Azula and Aang at the wall of Ba Sing Se with the drill.

“If she continues drilling, this wall will come down for sure.” Fake Aang said, throwing a fake rock at her.

“Yes, continue drilling. The city of Ba Sing Se can hide no longer.” Fake Azula said as ‘Aang’ continued throwing rocks, but it never showed how it ended as the scene changed to show a mind-controlled Jet.

“No, Jet, what did they do to you? Fake Aang cried out, dodging as fake Jet swung out with his hooks.

“Must serve Earth King. Must destroy!” He exclaimed as a fake rock fell onto him, before curling up underneath it so his body wouldn’t be showing.

“Did Jet just die?” Zuko asked, as Sokka answered, gesturing with his hands.

“You know, it was really unclear.” 

“I have to admit, Prince Zuko, I really find you attractive.” Fake Katara said, now seemingly in the crystal caves of Ba Sing Se as fake you was looking for a way out, hardly paying any attention to the two.

“You don’t have to make fun of me.” The actor said, turning away and then turning back when fake Katara sat down onto the same rock as him.

“But I mean it. I’ve had eyes for you since the day you first captured me.” With that, you noticed the real Zuko and Katara briefly glance at each other with mildly disgusted looks as Aang frowned at the stage.

“Wait. I thought you were the avatar’s girl. And besides I’m in love with someone else.” Fake Zuko then said, beginning to walk away and very obviously looked towards fake you. ‘Katara’ laughed, before starting to say.

“The avatar? Why, he’s like a little brother to me. I certainly don’t think of him in a romantic way. Besides, how could he ever find out about this?” She hugged him, and you looked at the stage in confusion.

“There’s no way you two would do that.” You said, knowing for a fact that Katara was crushing on Aang, and she had already divulged that he kissed her the day of the invasion. “But what I don’t get is why the actor looks at me when he says he’s in love with someone else. What’s up with that?” You questioned, only to get radio silence from everyone there. You shrugged, figuring that you would weasel the answer out of someone later.

“Oh, you’re getting up? Can you get me some fire flakes?” Sokka asked Aang when he walked out of the theater after that debacle. “Oh, and fire gummies.”

“Well, my brother, what’s it going to be? Your nation or a life of treachery?” Fake Azula said, only for fake Zuko to contemplate things.

“Choose treachery. It’s more fun.” Fake Iroh said, drinking some tea as ‘Zuko’ walked over to him and paused.

“No way!” ‘Azula’ yelled before he pushed ‘Iroh’ over onto the ground and headed towards his sister’s side.

“I hate you, Uncle. You smell, and I hate you for all time!” As he left the stage with ‘Azula’, the Earth Kingdom flag fell onto the actor for Iroh.

“You didn’t really say that, did you?” Katara asked, and you frowned when Zuko answered.

“I might as well have.”

The next scene was Ty Lee and Mai taking over Ba Sing Se, only for Aang to appear out from behind the throne.

“Avatar state, yip-yip!” Fake Aang proceeded to be brought up from the stage by a rope as fake Azula appeared.

“Not if my lightning can help it.” A ribbon was thrown at the fake avatar who pretended to be electrocuted and fell to the floor. “The avatar is no more.” At that, the whole audience seemed to cheer, apart from your group.

You stretched during the intermission, thankful to be out of the seat.

“It seems like every time there’s a big battle, you guys barely make it out alive. I mean, you guys lose a lot.” Suki mentioned, only for her boyfriend to quickly respond.

“You’re one to talk, Suki, didn’t Azula take you captive? That’s right, she did.”

“Are you trying to get on my bad side?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Does anyone know where Aang is?” Katara interrupted the couple, and you hoped that the two might finally talk about how they feel.

“He left to get me fire gummies like ten minutes ago, and I’m still waiting.” Sokka complained, only for his sister to turn away from him.

“I’m gonna check outside.” She said, walking out of the theater, as a child dressed up as Aang pretended to fly around.

“Suki, what are the chances you can get me backstage? I got some jokes I want to give to the actor me.”

“I’m an elite warrior who’s trained for many years in the art of stealth. I think I could get you backstage.” And the two walk off, leaving you with Zuko and Toph.

“Well, I think I’m going to go check out how bad Sokka’s jokes are. Maybe you can tell her now.” Toph suggested, before following Suki and Sokka.

“Wait-” But you had cut Zuko off before he could continue.

“Tell me what?” Would someone finally tell you about why fake Zuko looked at you when he said he was in love with someone else?

“I-uh.. The actor wasn’t entirely wrong.” He partially confessed, only leaving you with more questions.

“Wrong about which part?” You simply couldn’t understand any bit of it.

“I’ve kind of been in love with you for a while.” He quickly answered, glancing at you to see your reaction before looking away.

“Wait what-” You said, only momentarily confused before shaking your head. You didn’t exactly understand why, and that’s exactly what you said. “Why? I don’t get it. There’s nothing special or anything about me.”

“You are far from ordinary, Y/N. You’re so strong and-”

“So what you’re telling me, you’re attracted to strong women?” You teased, oddly satisfied upon seeing the light pink of his cheeks as he groaned before letting out a sigh.

“Yeah.” He admitted, before continuing. “I even asked everyone for help with this.”

“Wait, is that why you had told me I was pretty the other day? And why I found flowers in front of my door the next morning?”

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I thought you were hot when we first met, so we’re even.” You shrugged, looking at him from the corner of your eye.

“Do you still think that?”

“What do you think?” You answered his question with a question, leaning closer to him until your faces were merely inches apart. “Y’know, I started training to get my mind off you.”

Just as your lips were almost touching, you had closed your eyes only to quickly open them and pull away when you heard a wolf-whistle.

“It’s about time!”

[witchesoz]

After Oz: Legends of Oz

I hesitated before doing this one, because this movie is mostly based on the book "Dorothy of Oz" by Roger S. Baum, and I haven't read said book. It is something that tends to get on my nerve, when people actually don't care about the original material an adaptation was based on, and consider the adaptation as its own entirely original piece of work, when in fact, a lot of it was taken from somebody's else work. I mean, the perfect exemple is Shining. Some people praise Kubrick for being a pure genius for inventing this story from A to Z, and consider Stephen's King television series a "poor attempt at a remake of the movie", when... you know, King originally wrote the Shining and Kubrick merely adapted it. In fact, people tend to forget most of Kubrick's movies were adaptation. Dr. Strangelove? Loosely based on "Red Alert". Lolita? Everyone knows it is Nabokov. A Clockwork Orange? Anthony Burgess. 2001: Space Odyssey? Inspired by shorts stories of Clarke, the co-author. Eyes Wide Shut? A 1920s German book, Traumnovelle. And so forth and so forth...

  Hum. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to explain why I always want to take in consideration the original material when tackling an adaptation.  But since I haven't read and can't get this book, I will mostly rely myself on the Wikipedia plot and other reviews I read. If you wonder, yes, Roger S. Baum is Baum's great-grandson (or great-great-grandson?), and he wrote "Dorothy of Oz" as a direct sequel to the first book, "The Wizard of Oz", ignoring all of the others, and... apparently he is not a really good writer. But anyway... I still decided to do a little something about this movie, because... well just because I wanted    Oh yeah, another thing... an elephant in the room I have to adress right now. I only discovered it this year, by doing research about the movie (because before I only saw it at the time of its released and then forgot about it). You can know it, or completely ignore it - yes, I know that this whole movie was the result of a huge scam that robbed hundreds of people out of their money, and that the case has been even brought to trial. But... well the movie is still here, people still saw it, it is still around, will be for still quite a long time, and it is now part of the Oz inheritance, that you want it or not. Anyway, a lot of Oz movies had a dark and troubled production. It seems almost like a pre-requisite: if you do an Oz movie, you'll never end happy. Maybe it is a curse? Who knows.

       So... let's get into the subject. Is "Dorothy's Return" a bad movie? (I'll use this name, because "Legends of Oz" was the name of the intended franchise of three, maybe ten movies). I wouldn't say so. A lot of people said it was crap, or worthless, but I wouldn't call it bad. People also said that it is a bland movie, and I would say yes - but only partially. I think a good lot of the extreme bad reactions were caused because of 1- people who just disliked the idea of more Oz adaptations, 2- people too old for this movie, because you have to remember that this is a movie aiming at children and 3- people who are hard-die fans of the MGM movie and not so much of the original Oz books. It may also play in account that Dorothy's Return was roughly released the same year, and played as a "rival" to "Oz the Great and Powerful".

    Now, note that it isn't a memorable movie (except for a few bits). It isn't an excellent movie. It isn't a cult classic (even though it may become it with the whole scam background, who knows?). It isn't something I would watch again and again with pleasure. It isn't something exceptionnal or groundbreaking, it is even quite generic. But, it has some good parts, and it manages to be entertaining, and honestly as a child I could have sit in front of it and watch it with no problem. Because, yes, it is a children movie. The action is rushed, the characters lack depth, some moments are too sugary-sweet or even cringy (for exemple the song "We'll work together". Seriously, I just looked away and sped up a bit because that was too sickening-sweet for me.) As a result, as a child movie they missed things that could have been really good (the old tree agreeing to be use for a boat, which is played straight up as him being killed, the characters even say so, but then it turns out he is still alive as a boat? You could have had a great, deep, fascinating almost philosophical moment, but you just waste it for a happy ending). Anyway, what was I saying? Yes, a children movie. As a result, some people called the movie "too simple". On the other side, people called the story "too confusing".

  To an Oz fan like me, it isn't actually confusing. It isn't at all - but indeed, for someone with a limited knowledge of Oz, it will be confusing. Because, while they base themselves on an Oz book that re-uses many elements from the books (the Queen of the Field Mices, the Sawhorse, the China Country...) it also decided to include a lot of elements from the MGM movie (the Wicked Witch of the West is the one from the MGM, Glinda is also quasi-identical from her MGM counterpart, the Winged Monkeys work with the evil people...). As a result, yeah, it may be confusing. But the inclusion of the MGM elements actually managed to correct some flaws of the original story. For exemple, in Roger S Baum's book, the Jester was merely a normal jester possessed by the ghost of the Wicked Witch of the West, through her magic wand. Wait, magic wand? There wasn't any magic wand mentionned in the original book! But in the movie, to use the broomstick of the Wicked Witch makes much more sense.

      I'll take a short time here to comment on the character of the Jester, who is, I think, the highest point of this movie. He is a good villain. A cliché but interesting backstory cashing on the idea of Oz vilains as siblings, a clear shout-out to the Joker which isn't so bad, interesting plans. He is also the provider of many nightmarish elements (the fate of Dorothy's companions, which I think was a very good idea, or the people turning into puppets and being used for a creepy dance) that made this Oz movie feel... well Ozian. Because a good Oz work is a work that will traumatize your kids! I guess a bit part of why the Jester works so well is that he basically repeats and remakes all his sister, the Wicked Witch, did in the MGM movie, and let's be honest, she was a great villain. (And this again makes sense when you remember the Jester is originally supposed to be possessed by the Witch's ghost). But at the same time he has his distinctive signature and style, with his Jester persona, his circus-related punishment and his personal plots to conquer Oz. [People noticed obviously the sweet irony of things in this movie. You have a double-character that, on the Earth world is a cheater and criminal trying to steal people of their houses and using several fake identities, while in Oz it is a villain that turns people into puppets he can manipulate and relies mostly on cheating and misleading Dorothy to her doom. Which is eerily similar to what the creators of the movie/franchise did with their financers and investors.]

  Talking about the Earth side... The whole "earthly" parts are all bland and not memorable. Just like Dorothy, who isn't really... anything to be honest. The songs sung aren't memorable either. All of that is a fail. A lot of people also considered the Earthly animation uncanny, or even disturbing, but I personally wasn't bugged by it at all. I saw much more uncanny animation.

    When it comes to the Oz part, I actually think they managed to create a perfect "Ozian story". As in, the general schema of the girl entering in Oz through an uncommon mean (here a people-eating rainbow, that I have to say was quite a scary scene to look at), then passing through many small kingdoms, meeting new friends, forming a team, discovering the villain and fighting him off - this plot was repeated by Baum times and times and times again, and probably comes from the original novel Dorothy of Oz. But it still works, as simple as it can be. Plus, the use of the China Country and the Candy County (I think its their name?) was quite a good choice. The China Country was one of Baum's earliest invention, while the Candy County (originating from the Roger S Baum book) is eerily similar to the Bunbury village, an invention of Baum, inhabited by living baked goods that also get angry at the protagonists for trying to eating them. Yes, all in all, the characters feel really Ozian. As for the other member of the team, "Wiser the Owl". Well... he had the potential to feel an interesting and Baum-ian character. But it falls flat because he just becomes one living fat joke. I mean, fat jokes can be funny. But when the character is mostly the joke itself well... yeah, not really working. He had a much interesting role in the prequel comic book.  

   Because yes, there is a comic book associated with this movie! As I said before, originally the project was to create a franchise of several movies, with toys, goodies, applications and video games. (Or at least that was the project the scam used). The comic is however found under the original title for the movie "Dorothy of Oz". I don't have much to say about it, outside that is was quite pleasing (even though it sometimes doesn't make sense when put in direct relationship to the movie), and that it introduced one interesting idea: that the magic of the broomstick/Witch relied mostly on manipulating the weather and nature. The Jester causes a flood to destroy the Munchkin town, he causes an earthquake to break the China Country, he uses heatwaves to melt the Candy County... And another interesting point, the role of Wiser. Indeed, in the movie he is presented as a "motor-mouth" that keeps talking about everything, knows a lot of stuff and has the tendency to finish other people's sentences. But it gets quickly overshadowed by the fat jokes (cause a big part of his character is that he used to be able to fly but now, because of his love for candy, he is too fat to fly). However, in the comic book he has rather the role of the one voice of reason and intelligence that offers down-to-earth, simple solutions to problems where the other Ozians search for more extravagant and magical possibilities. Exemple (SPOILERS: when trying to create a rainbow, the team searches everywhere, thinks of asking witches, wizards and candy makers. Wiser has to remind them that anybody can create a rainbow with just a good crystal and some light. SPOILER ENDING.)  

   (I actually read the comic book before looking at the movie, which may explain why I consider it better than the movie.) To return to my opinion on the movie... Not the greatest Oz movie, but certainly not the worst. Average, but on the good side. Entertaining and interesting, even though bland and generic. They got the feeling of an Oz story but they just didn't found a way to freshen up or make the story shine on its own. A good villain for a heroine easy to forget. Simple. Ideal for children, or to kill time, or just to inspire one for more Oz work.

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Soulmate Shenanigans

So, lucky me, I found this list of prompts!

Unlucky me, it was for a September event. Surprise, surprise, this is not September

That isn’t going to stop me from doing this, though!

So, without further ado, prompt number one!

Your Soulmate’s name is written on your wrist or palm

Warnings for death mentions galore and drowning, as well as something that isn’t drug use, but if drug use is a triggering topic for you I wouldn’t recommend you read

Not as angsty as these warnings would suggest, but there is still Angst

I don’t know how it got angsty I just work here

World building

The first recorded instance of a palm mark was when Lady Natalia of Venice nearly drowned in a canal

She’d been on her way home from a party alongside her fiance when she “tripped” (the word “tripped” here means “Was pushed by her fiance for financial reasons”) into the river. Her husband-to-be quickly exited the scene, leaving her to be weighed down by her skirts and die.

Angela (forger of swords and mixer of poisons, just happened to be in the neighborhood when she heard a scream and a splash) had other plans. She dove into the water, saving Natalia and cutting her hand in the process.

The two women spent a good deal of time together after that, the scientific Natalia claiming that she only wanted to know why her name was on Angela’s hand.

Some historians claim that the two were platonic soulmates. While this is possible, and platonic soulmates have a long and wonderful history, no one with common sense believes this to be the case

They exchanged love letters that were quite clear that the attraction was a romantic one.

Some historians also claim that there isn’t enough evidence to suggest that they killed the fiance.

Those historians are wrong.

Anyway, in modern days 97% of the population has a palm mark with the name of their soulmate

The tattoo industry has never had so many illegal opportunities

When your soulmate dies, the name doesn’t scar. It doesn’t blister, burn, or black out. All that happens is a thin, impersonal line crossing their name out. Some people don’t notice who they lost for days.

There’s a process to remove palm marks. However, it’s illegal and possibly fatal for the soulmate being removed.

Our Characters

Roman: Roman was confused by the name of his soulmate.

Who names their kid “Janus”?

Am I soulmates with a roman deity? The heck?? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND SO LITTLE ANSWERS

Roman was so excited to have a soulmate. He kept entire journals filled with things he wanted to tell Janus, part diary, part scrapbook, and part love letter. He would doodle hearts around his palm mark.

One night, in April, Roman went to sleep. In the morning, there was a line across his palm.

His soulmate had died, and he hadn’t even seen the line drawn. He broke a little.

Enough said.

Roman took the passion that he’d had for his Janus and channeled it into his acting. If he couldn’t get love, he’d get a fucking Tony Award.

Remus: Remus had been annoyed by his brother’s complaining.

“Oh, boo-hoo, my soulmate has a rare name. That means that as soon as I meet him, I’ll know exactly who he is! Roman, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE NAMED LOGAN”

Remus was annoyed that his soulmate had the audacity to have a common name. In theory, he could date all of the 18,000 Logans in the country, but does he really have the time?

He and his brother bicker about this for a solid seven years, until the argument abruptly ends. Ever since then, he’s been on his brother’s side in everything he can.

Logan: It made total sense for Logan to not have a soulmate.

His soulmate would have been unlucky, being stuck with a know-it-all like him, at least according to most of the people he knew.

This was a simple solution to the puzzle.

It wasn’t helpful to waste time wishing for a different one.

Janus: Janus had a whole plan for when he met his soulmate.

He wrote it down in 10th grade

Step 1: Wear gloves

Step 2: Find Roman

Step 3: Say something witty

Step 4: Remove gloves, revealing palm

Step 5: This little mystery is over and done with, and hopefully my soulmate isn’t boring

This was how a lot of Janus’s plans would work. Solid ideas, but missing bits and important pieces. This includes his heist plan he scribbled out on a napkin on an April day.

Step 1: Find local con-artists

Step 2: Pretend to be a person with money (which I obviously do not have)

Step 3: Scam them

Step 4: Don’t get murdered on the way out

Step 5: Profit

He pulled off steps 1-3 with ease, but step 4 proved to be a sticking point.

As he escaped via the river, with money in his hands and a “so long, suckers!” on his lips for drama, he thought nothing could go wrong

Fun fact: It’s rather common for con artists to fatally give away their positions by yelling “so long, suckers!”. Just ask Odysseus as he sailed away from the Cyclops.

The con artists shot wildly at his boat, blowing it to pieces. As he went down with the ship, he barely had enough time to think this can’t be happening, and fuck this and I’m going to die at the same age as Philip fucking Hamilton and I really don’t want to go to hell before his lungs filled with water and his heart stopped.

And Janus died.

For a solid two minutes.

Technically, death is when your heart ceases to beat. Even though people have been revived after their hearts have stopped, it is death, and enough to draw a line across a sleeping Roman’s hand.

Janus, however, was saved by an old man, who dragged him out of the river and forced the water out of his lungs. The old man took one look at the teenager and decided that he needed better role models, which is how Patton took Janus under his wing and saved his life in more ways than one.

The Actual Plot

Roman is in a city production of Hamlet. His brother is in the audience, his friend is fixing the lighting, and he’s ready to go.

It’s a pretty good performance, by all accounts, but especially according to Janus.

He’d already been watching the main actor intently, smiling from the mezzanine, but he was even more intrigued when he read the playbill and realized his name was Roman. He could barely pay attention to act five as he planned out the lies he’d tell to get backstage.

Somehow, he didn’t get caught sneaking around, and managed to catch a glimpse of Roman’s hand in a mirror. Janus. He really is his soulmate!

Janus walks over to Roman, says something that isn’t as witty as he would have liked (but not as bad as it could have been), and removes his glove.

Now, he expected his soulmate could have a variety of reactions. He didn’t expect Roman to yell “Not today, ghost!”, throw a prop skull at him, and sprint out of the theater. Janus caught a glimpse of the line through his name.

He was reasonably sure that he wasn’t dead? He could see his reflection in mirrors, he could consume salt, people tended to notice his existence!

Jan didn’t have much time to mull over this, as he was about to be forcibly removed from the greenroom. Logan just wanted to fix the lighting and live his life, but when strangers break into the backstage and upset Roman...

Jan skedaddles as Logan chases him out of the building. The nerd has almost caught the intruder when he runs directly into a man in a green jacket holding a coffee cup full of ketchup

Why did he have a coffee cup full of ketchup?

Remus and Logan bicker as Janus escapes. When Remus realizes Logan’s name, he asks a few questions, but Logan quickly shows his two blank palms, and the matter is settled.

Everything seems over and done with.

Meanwhile, Roman is freaking out. His mind is essentially in a loop of The fuck? The fuck? The actual fuck? He’s completely unsure of what to do. Is he seeing ghosts? Does he only believe he’s seeing ghosts? Is he sane or not?

Remus checks up on his brother at around 3 am, only to find him, exhausted, and writing in his old soulmate journal. Roman tries to explain what just happened, but the narrative told isn’t exactly coherent. All Remus can gather is that

1. His brother thinks that his dead soulmate is alive

2. This is because some guy snuck backstage and told him that he was the dead soulmate in question

3. This was probably the guy Logan was chasing

Remus convinced Roman to go to sleep, and walked out of the apartment with blood on his mind. He was sure that his brother was being manipulated.

This guy might not be dead now, but he would be soon.

Meanwhile, Janus proves that he can, in fact, cross a salt circle, so he must be alive! Right?? He also can’t get a certain actor out of his head, and wonders what his next move should be.

Remus recruits Logan to help him do some investigation in case Shady Liar Dude shows up. They go on several stakeouts together, in equally improbable locations. Maybe the two of them got too far into the secret agent aesthetic. Logan had always wanted to be a detective as a kid.

They fall for each other, and fast

Roman is spiraling, and a chat with Remus has him convinced that he was wrong, and Janus really is dead. He curses himself for believing in the pretty fairy-tale. Yes, because love wins in the end and they all live happily ever after. He has a performance tomorrow.

And it’s really time he got rid of the old scar.

You don’t hang around Remus without knowing where the black market locations are. It’s relatively easy to find the cure for palm marks.

He paces around backstage, holding a journal in one hand and a small bottle in the other. The warning that destroying the palm mark destroys the soulmate causes terror to rise in his throat, even though he knows that Janus is dead and can never read his love letters no matter how many stars he wishes on.

He finally makes his choice when Remus and Logan visit him before the performance. They give him looks of pity. He doesn’t want to be pitied.

According to the label, effects should take place over the next several hours. So, he waits for Janus’s name to disappear from his hand.

Janus managed to hustle someone with orchestra seats for their tickets. Despite not getting off on the right foot with his soulmate, he isn’t going to let him go that easily. And Roman’s brilliant performance that night just reinforces that. If he was good weeks ago, he was a star now. Janus was transfixed.

When the curtain call came, Janus was the first on his feet for a standing ovation. Remus and Logan noticed him, and pushed their way through the applauding audience. Both of them almost hoped that he’d get away again so they could continue spending time together.

Roman notices him. They lock eyes. Janus waves as though to say Hi, I’m here, apologies for the awkwardness of our meet-cute, but coffee? Roman gives him a look of disdain, as if to say I can’t believe I thought you were my soulmate, you con artist. He intends to look away and bask in the applause, but before he can do that, Janus collapeses.

Roman is confused at first, and then it clicks. That’s his soulmate. That’s his Janus.

And he killed him.

Pandemonium breaks out. Roman leaps off the stage, Remus freezes in panicked comprehension, the crowd scatters, and several people try to reach the dying man.

Logan gets there first. His mind scans memories of hours spent in libraries, researching everything there is to know about palm marks. Why didn’t some people have them? How did you lose them? How could you get them back?

He instructs Remus and Roman to help carry Janus to the greenroom.

They race him there, everyone in a state of panic (including Logan, but more importantly he has a job to do). Logan tells Remus to run and get a few basic ingredients, and they wait. Time moves much too fast and much too slow, until he comes back.

Logan works chemical wonders, piecing together Roman’s hand until everything is stabilized.

A vicious scar, the type you’d except if your soulmate was really gone, forms on Roman’s palm, and it will stay there for the rest of his days.

Janus comes back from death’s door for the second time.

After The Drama

Logan and Remus eventually move past the “but I don’t have a soulmate” “and yet I still am in love with you” dithering and go on a date that isn’t for the purpose of stalking a supposed stalker.

They go to the aquarium.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot to work out between Roman and Janus. From “wow, you’re not dead” to “wow, I nearly murdered you”, we don’t have time to unpack all that.

But they do get coffee. And they talk.

Soulmate stuff! I really like soulmate aus, despite not liking to write straight up romance

It’s weird

Anyway, hope you enjoyed!