[Another Itadori training session]
Nanami: You couldn’t use Black Flash fast enough. You just killed Y/N.
Y/N: Honey…
Nanami: I can’t hear you, Y/N. You’re dead.
Nanami, to Yuji: They bled out in your lap. How will you break the news to me? Let's see.
Yuji: We don't have to do this.
Nanami: Ah, Itadori, how are things going with Y/N, the love of my life? Wait, why are you here at this late hour? And whose blood is that?
Yuji: Okay, I get it.
Nanami: It's Y/N’s? This is devastating. I'm inconsolable. And…
[Nanami snaps his fingers]
Nanami: I’ve killed myself.
Yuji: Cool. I can see this is gonna be fun…
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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That scene where Megamind and Minion fight and minion says “good luck on your date”
“I will”
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
“I know!”
This is so much more than I thought and I fucking love DreamWorks
Throughout the movie Megamind values wit - tries to train Titan to have witty comebacks, provokes and asks for it in their first battle, fuck that fantastic “oh you’re a villain alright, just not a super one”
He’s so good at bantering but it all crumbles when he’s actually, truly fighting with someone he cares about rather than views as a game partner
Anyways I’ve been trying to sleep for 3 hours and am about to rewind Megamind again. We’ll see if I notice anything else again.
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the thing about venti is that he doesn't embody freedom so much as he nurtures it. venti is who he is today because the people taught him to love and he returned that tenfold. the people were the first to teach him autonomy and freedom, and his response is to protect that ideal
I just really love mondstadt's relationship with their "absentee" archon a lot. there's something almost poetic about how just by being themselves, they sort of "created" their own god. a wind wisp became their archon by observing and living with them (ofc I'm oversimplifying it)
as described in freedom sworn, it's the anemo archon who actually takes on his region's characteristics, not the other way around. it is not that mondstadt is the nation of freedom because of venti, but that venti is the god of freedom because of mondstadt. and now you have that same archon asking what I will argue is actually the best quote of genshin, "what is freedom when demanded of you by a god?"
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being disabled and having a support system is so important because it turns mundane (and often frustrating) tasks into acts of love.
everytime i clip my nails, i think of the high school teacher who helped me through seizures at least once a week for two years straight. everyday she’d gently take my hands and inspect my nails to make sure i was keeping them short enough that i couldn’t hurt myself while seizing.
it’s easier to be less ashamed of my mobility aids when one of my coworkers spent months building me different canes to use, colored to match my outfits and infused with glow-in-the-dark dye so i’d stop losing my cane in the dark parts of the building.
i eat cheesitz for salt when i’m feeling dizzy and it reminds me of high school, sitting next to my best friend and in the classroom of my favorite teacher who both kept salty snacks in their bags for when i wasn’t feeling good.
being disabled can suck in so many ways, but it’s also brought love into a lot of simple but impactful areas of my life.
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