thoughtsandrantsofthemoment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Book Review: The Boyfriend Book (No More Boyfriends) by Michael E. Reid

I just finished reading "The Boyfriend Book" by Just Mike. I have been following him for a while, but refused to read his books until I saw him in person to see where he was coming from. I thought his work would be another man telling a woman how to love, how to feel and how to be. I of course was not here for anymore of that. I also am tired of these poems by men who constantly talk about heartbreak... like are we ever happy? Do we ever grow and learn from it or are we just bitter, sad and lonely? Anywho, My review: 

I was the woman who believed that you needed to be a girlfriend first before being a wife. I hated seeing those “nothing matters until you’re married” posts because they mostly came from women who were married (as if they weren’t single before?) or from women who were belittling other women or being judgmental. I also felt this way because I thought of it as a step to being committed to someone, building with someone on a partnership level and then ultimately becoming married (the end goal). (SN: I myself have never been in a relationship minus my high school days that for me didn’t count.) 

After reading Just Mike’s book, I realized where he was coming from and respected his perspective.  To give you a brief synopsis, he states that women shouldn’t have boyfriends because they find themselves committed to and giving one man everything that they should be giving to a husband and not a boyfriend. Everything includes the physical, mental, emotional and sexual aspect of them from cooking and cleaning to pouring out their souls and emotions which may or may not include scars from their life experiences as completing sexual favors and desires. Basically, a boyfriend is getting all of the privileges that a wife gives a husband so what would give him the idea that he needs to do something more? It’s also something that cutting into the process of becoming a wife/husband. At times, a boyfriend is not living up the standard of what he should be or what a woman deserves. As a response, women find themselves settling and dealing with it instead of expecting more. He goes on to give the definition of boyfriend and into detail about how even if a man is a good man to you , you want to be sure that you are chosen because he wanted to make the decision and not because he felt obligated to do so. 

My Thoughts: I appreciated his version of why women shouldn’t have boyfriends. He goes into how back in the day women were courted and then married. It is now of course 2016 where people may or may not know how to court or know what courtship looks like (or even what it means). How can we expect people to be courted if we are not guided on how to do so? We are not seeing enough of the twenty to thirty year marriages. We are also not having these discussions with people who have healthy relationships. There are marriages that have lasted for the same amount of times that carry unhealthy behaviors. That is not something we want to mirror. We need truth and stability so we can begin to build our own relationships, learn and become better people and have children who will become even greater.  I also felt like “well, if you’re not in a relationship then you’re in a situationship”. 

That was a HUGE issue for me because I have been in enough of those to know that I am not interested in being in one anymore. I think we appreciate being girlfriends because it shows that a man is willing and wanting you to be his to the point where he gives you a title (even though the title of a girlfriend is not measurable to the title of a wife). When you’re in a situationship, you find yourself knowing that you have no say, your feelings are nothing at the end of the day because you are not with that person and they will feel FREE to tell you that once anything happens that’s too much for them. The excuses are acceptable because that’s the role you have chosen to play even if you don’t like it. 

Just Mike breaks this down by not only discussing worth, but helping women realize that a boyfriend is only there because they can say that you are theirs exclusively, but it does not bound you to them because you aren’t married so they are getting what they want and you are waiting for what you want (marriage). Most women are not wanting (or willing) to be girlfriends forever so why settle for it now? After reading that, I was like .. ��shittt you right”. We don’t want to be in the talking stage forever so we grow to the situationship stage and then to the relationship stage to reach the marriage stage. Think about that. Really think about that. Why should we hop through so many hoops or go through many stages for something that might be just a maybe? Maybe he will marry me. Maybe he won’t. Maybe this will turn into something or maybe it wont. Who wants to be a maybe? Noboyyyyy (Keith Sweat voice). A man knows when he has found someone he can see himself being with. A man only changes because he wants to. He fights for the one he sees not just the most value in but the one that he never wants to be without. We cannot expect a man to make us his wife because we do everything that he should appreciate. Sometimes, we can do everything right and still not be that woman for him. He can be a great man to you and you a great woman to him, but we may still not that woman for him. So, we become that woman to prepare him for the woman he should be with. Well.. damn.  

Has he changed my mind? 

Yes. I do believe that people can get married to one another without being in a relationship. However, I do not believe relationships are purposeless. (SN: He doesn’t say that they are.) I think relationships serve their purpose just like everything else that occurs in the world. 

I did see Just Mike perform with others in Washington, DC recently. I thought the performances were amazing and the vibes were great. It felt good to be around men who appreciated women for exactly who they are holistically and not just like a piece of ass or someone who is there to do something for THEM. I was eager to read the book after (and my date bought it for me). 

Though I enjoyed the book, I would have liked to read about how to live that courtship life. I think many times we are given information, but not the tools to carry out the goal. Hopefully, his next book can talk about what that looks like. He did touch on it in regards to agreeing to be exclusive with one another. What you do outside of each other is what you do, but you are agreeing to be exclusive with one another. I personally needed more of that conversation. How are you exclusive and growing? How does one know that after making that type of agreement, marriage is the next step? 

My question to you is: Do you think you need to be in relationship first to get married? Explain if you choose. 

My other question is are you agreeing? No More Boyfriends? 

#NoMoreBoyfriends (A sista is trying to get married and love one man forevaaa)

Those are my thoughts of the moment. 

Check out my hashtag #ThoughtsOfTheMoment 

For more information on how to get the book and things: 

justmikethepoet.com 

@justmikethepoet_  

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Book Review: God Where is my Boaz

To be honest, I had reservations about his book once I realized it was a male author. Many of these “life lesson” or “life direction” books are written for women by men. These books are supposed to be about a woman’s life, what women what and what women go through or have gone through. These books should be written from the perspective of what men (or that man) thinks or thought. You can’t speak for a woman because ..well, because you aren’t. Yet in still all women aren’t the same. Nevertheless, it was on my list of books to read so I did. I found some points in the book to be valid. 

Let’s decipher these points. 

1. Prepare and position yourself: 

Author Stephan Labossiere states that you need to be in the position you should be in order to get what it is you want or need. I agree with this point. In order to be a wife, you must be ready to become a wife. What does that look like for you? What does it look like to be a wife and if you’re already with someone or you have someone in mind, what does it look like to be their wife? I think this is something we can consider in other areas of our lives as well when we take the next steps in life. 

2. Let faith, not fear guide you. 

Absolutely! So many people want to reach goals and aspirations, but are too afraid to get there. If you don’t believe you can get there, then you will not. You can succeed with faith over fear if you choose faith. 

3. Forgiveness and healing are necessary. 

This is beyond important. You cannot go into anything new holding on to the pain that someone else has caused or even the pain or lack of forgiveness towards yourself. What I didn’t like about this point was the focus on the lack of fatherhood in a woman’s life. Yes; a woman’s idea of a man should come from her father, but we can take that and flip it into a positive by not allowing ourselves to date men who are similar. Women without fathers don’t always date horrible men or good men with poor qualities. 

There were more points, but I don’t want to ruin the book for everyone. Overall, I think the book served its purpose for women who are still going through certain trials and tribulations to find their Boaz. However, I’m not there. I’m not holding on to anyone old nor am I entertaining anyone I know that I probably shouldn’t. I don’t think I’m extremely picky whereas I’m missing my opportunity. I think many self help books focus on what we need to get rid of or us (women) having nothing but terrible experiences. We know better. We don’t need someone to always tell us who to get rid of. Sometimes, we need literature that focuses on being steady while you’re waiting, how to prepare yourself to be a wife and a mother, or how to maintain life during a transitioning period. 

& those are my thoughts of the moment 

Feel free to purchase the book on Amazon. 

Title: God Where is my Boaz? 

Author: Stephan Labossiere 

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Gone are the days when you used to hang out with friends or even be able to call them (if you even had the chance to do that in the first place).

A relationship is supposed to be fun. We are  living in the days where relationships are okay, but people aren’t able to balance.

There is no reason why you should be so engulfed in a partner that you don’t live your OWN life. You were someone before your partner and you are STILL yourself. Don’t get so caught up in a relationship that you can’t live your life alone. Everything shouldn’t be about your partner and everything shouldn’t be about you. There are people who are involved with others because they are seeking validation in someone else that they can’t see in themselves.

You are holding insecurities that keep you from seeing anything else in life because you are hoping for that one person to be that secure thing in your life.

What happens if the person you want to be so full of decides not to be so full of you? You will find yourself broken and uneasy; not knowing where to stand. You will think your life is incomplete because you have treated this partner as if they are the only thing in life.

Love is a beautiful part of life that everyone should be able to experience with the right* person. The right person won’t have you separated from other aspects of life. Don’t give someone that kind of power. Power and control is not love or an aspect of love that is healthy. Be your own person and live your own life. The right kind of love and relationship will have you able to balance the other people in life who have been there for you and will continue to be there for you. Your relationship will be healthier because you have enough time apart and the dynamics flow. Nobody wants to be with someone they can’t grow with. How can you grow with someone if you aren’t growing as a person yourself?

Balance.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Disney Lied About Love

Disney lied about love

or did they?

because they always showed us the pain, but we chose to see the beauty in what love should be or is supposed to be.

We saw the beauty because were were pure and true.

We believed that love was the best feeling in the world. We believed that love couldn’t and shouldn’t hurt.

We didn’t understand when people weren’t loved because we didn’t have those scars

and we shouldn’t have had them

But as we got older we cherished those Disney movies because that’s when everyone felt like a princess..everyone wanted to be the queen

We wanted to grow up with a kingdom of joy full of our friends who supported us and wished nothing but happiness for us.

& then we grew up

A horror story indeed

We started learning that we love people who hurt us even if we shouldn’t or don’t want to.

People stopped treating us like the princesses that we were and it became harder for them to see us as queens

We were marked as evil witches instead and the images of love that we once shared disappeared in our heads

We starting losing the hope we once had.

We stopped seeing the pot at the end of the rainbow

Our Prince Charmings seemed far and not anywhere near

because all we interacted with were frogs

They didn’t turn into the kings that we were expecting.

They were just frogs...they leaped from woman to woman instead of lily pads.

The ones we wanted it to work with showed us that we couldn’t work at all.

He never looked for the woman who fit the shoe

He never rubbed the lamp and wished to become the man of her dreams

He never found his love before the last rose pedal fell

He stayed the beast

But how was it that she was supposed to stay the beauty?

Her dreams were deferred

She started thinking that love was nonexistent and there was no use in searching for it or even worse accepting it

She was blind to the fact that it could be genuine

It felt like a waste of time and that her heart would always be tarnished if she had the nerve to give it her all.

Did it really matter? Should she even care?

Wtf is a happily ever after anyway?

Special Thanks: Endia J. The MUA/Actress for the inspiration

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

He used me and... I liked it

He said he wanted to use me.

I laughed it off and didn't take it serious

Until using me was exactly what he did

It left me with a feeling that I can't really explain

I wanted to hug, kiss and lay up

We did all of that, but he was down to fuck

I wasn't expecting it, but I agree I'm glad I did

Because even though he used me

It felt good inside me

Hitting it from left to right

Pushing him into me

Pulling me into him

I felt like my body wanted him

I didn't feel an emotional attachment

But how could I

And how could he

When the goal was to use me

He didn't kiss me goodbye

He didn't tell me goodnight

He didn’t text me to see if I made it home alright.

He didn’t text me in the morning….tell me I was beautiful or that he wanted me…

But for that time we spent, I felt like being used was a temporary joy that I wanted more of

I'm slightly emotional and yes I have morals

So my thoughts started wandering

I want more than just sex out of life

I want to be able to support someone, build with someone, make love and sometimes just fuck.

I want a family, a kingdom, a bond like no other

I want to be loved, cared for and taken out

I want to feel appreciated and, wanted, and liked

I want someone to want me for who the hell I am

I wanted to be wanted.

But this wasn't like that

And that wasn't like this

It was just a fuck

I was just a fuck

& just like life sometimes you’re fucked

I was used

And for some odd reason

I liked it.

So maybe he used me

Maybe I used him

For that temporary relief from the world that I wanted so bad

Things started getting stressful.

I started feeling like those that I have come accustomed to were feeling like enemies and less like friends

So our first interaction was me being used by him

But it made me smile

It made her smile

I looked at him and saw a man who made me feel like a woman even if it was just for a couple of minutes

I was used and for some odd reason even for that moment …I think I liked it

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

I Used to See the King in You

I used to see the king in you.

I saw so much greatness in the man you were, but I saw an even greater man when I thought about who you were going to be.

I knew you were determined.

You would go after your dreams.

I knew you loved your family.

For them, you would do anything.

I knew you loved me.

You used to treat meet me like I was something kind of special.

In the beginning, oh in the beginning...

you were everything.

You weren’t just everything, but you were everything to me.

You called and checked on me, text messages throughout the day.

Goodnight messages before bed.

 You used to tell me you loved me

Then shit changed.

You became the man I knew less and less.

You became the rain, the storm, and everything in between.

You became my misery.

But I wanted every part of you. I desired what we had.

I wanted us to grow.

I wanted it so bad.

I used to see the King in you.

I used to see the queen in me.

But I never saw the Queen in me when it came to you.

I only saw what you had the potential to be...

and that’s where I went wrong.

I wanted you to be strong.

I wanted you to reign.

I wanted you to have everything.

I wanted you to want me.

When I stopped wanting those things,

It was as if the first time I said no I never said yes.

You started hating me, loving me, leaving me and coming back.

 It was time for me to let it go and let it burn at that.

I let that love die and I gained my self love back.

All I ask now is that you let me be.

Leave my life not just now, but for eternity.

I am happy and I want to live my life feeling free.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

I Wont Apologize for Love

I’m a damned good woman and I’ve been a good woman in the past before. I’ve loved and I’ve loved hard and I’m not going to apologize for it. As my good friend Endia once said, why should I have to apologize for being a good lover and wanting to be loved the same?

I’ve played the fool before and I’ve been the fool before. I take full responsibility in being the reason behind my own downfall. I did what I did out of love and I don’t regret anything. I’ve loved before and each person I’ve loved I loved HARD. I am a hard lover. When I fall, I fall harder. It takes time for me to bounce back. That’s OKAY. I have no problem with that because I know everything happens for reason and everyone CAN’T stay.

My past is my past and that’s just that. I don’t want to change anything because then I wouldn’t be me. I’ve loved and have been hurt, but I’ve only been heartbroken ONCE. If I keep posting about things I’ve been through or how I’ve felt it might just be because of that ONE heartbreak.

Pain and heartbreak are two different things, but they both coincide into how your life changes. You still keep a certain loyalty towards someone because you remember how much you loved them. You expect the same amount of respect even though you know and relive the disrespectful moments from the past every time you think back.

The nerve of me to still get mad that they would show me the same actions they’ve done in the past. Someone recently told me “Move on and pray for your future blessings and happiness”. As simple as it was, it told me enough was enough. It’s not that I was stuck, it’s that I still had held a high standard to someone who showed me that they would never reach them. All you can do is stop expecting.

When you’ve finally moved on in life, you don’t need to go back to a dark place that you have lived and lived ALONE. The same person that was your umbrella, caused the tears that you once drowned in. You don’t need to know anything about them. Have your friends stop bringing him up. Help them understand that you are only wanting to be around good vibes and that negativity is not needed for you to succeed.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Family Versus Relationship

People are having issues with family members versus their partners because they're not setting boundaries. Their family members are speaking and inputting on their relationships when that's not their role. Their partners are bringing up what's said while they're pillow talking. I'm not understanding why disrespect is okay?? There's no partner in the world that should EVER feel as if it's okay to disrespect your family ESPECIALLY your immediate family. Your partner shouldn't be expected to deal with disrespect from your family either. Stop ALLOWING it. Your family should be comfortable enough to be around your partner and know that that’s YOUR partner. They should know that YOU have her/his best interest and so should your partner. Your partner should be able to feel as if they can be around your family and YOU will protect their honor. They may not like each other. THAT’S OKAY. However, they should both always RESPECT one another. If that’s the person you want in YOUR life then your family should be able to accept that because that is YOUR choice. *Note this does not apply to those that are in abusive relationships. That’s unacceptable.* Your partner wants to be apart of YOUR life meaning they will encounter YOUR family if YOU are a family person. They will need to ADJUST and follow suite as well. Too many relationships are with conflict because each party crosses boundaries and doesn’t play their role or stay in their lanes. It trickles down to not just your household, but it turns into something bigger than it needs to. YOU are the middle factor whether you want to be or not. YOU set the tone and the pace. YOU make those boundaries clear cut so everyone understands. There's no love that strong. ‪#‎ThoughtsOfTheMoment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Everyone’s Annoying ... or  Maybe It’s Me

Why does it always seem like everyone is annoying? You want to be with someone, but it doesn’t seem like anyone can hold your attention. The worst is when you finally think you found the one you want to be with, but you’re unsure if they want to be with you. When you finally find someone who just might be into you like you’re into them, they fall off and don’t produce. People make time for who they want to make time for. People do things with people because they WANT to. Nobody is forcing anyone to be with someone, to talk to someone or to sleep with someone. If they are, there are some serious issues going on that needs attention and guidance.

Why can’t we just find the one we are going to be with and BE WITH THEM. All of these obstacles are in the way. We are TIRED of starting over fresh with people, but we are tired of being alone and doing nothing. We are ready and wanting to be with someone who is the RIGHT one. Who truly wants to be with any old somebody? Nobody .. it doesn’t serve its purpose. It doesn’t hold any value. People want to feel liked, loved, and supported. They want to feel as if the person they are with is the one who they should be with... like they made the right decision. Nobody wants to feel as if relationships are forced.

Nobody wants to feel like they’re contacting YOU first all of the time. They are ALWAYS making the plans. Plans are ALWAYS getting cancelled. Sometimes, it REALLY is the simple things. It depends on the type of person you are with. If all a person wants is TIME and that CAN’T be given, then maybe you’re just not really into that person. Maybe you don’t like the person the way you thought you did. Maybe you’re afraid to like that person. Whatever it is... LET THAT PERSON KNOW.

Stop leading people on. Stop having people waiting. Let people make their own choices. You are a CHOICE. Pay attention.... because I didn’t say option. You are a CHOICE. Someone CHOOSES to entertain you. Don’t live a lie or even tell one making someone believe that you are someone that wants to partake in a road trip when you are really only enjoying the ride around the block.

People have goals, dreams, values, vision, and places they want to be in life. If they CHOOSE to have you participate in that, you should give them the RESPECT they deserve and truly participate or announce that you are not interested in doing so. If you are confused, then maybe you need to take the time to yourself to figure out your confusion.

We also have to learn how to take responsibility on the way things play out in our lives. We end up with people who do the same things the person before did because that is what we ATTRACT. Yes. We are attracted to a type. However, we should be SMART enough to know when the signs are there especially if we’ve been down this road before.

We are annoyed at everything and everyone because we are forcing ourselves to live in a never ending cycle that we don’t like. Get out of that cycle. Break those chains. The only one holding you back is YOU.

So you tried something new? Did you really TRY? Did you step out of your comfort zone and start dating someone you aren’t used to? Are you giving that person time to date you or get to know you? Have you tried getting to know them? I mean get to know them without judgment? We are so used to foolishness that we expect it.. which can be an automatic reaction and protective factor that’s both good and bad. However, we need to take the time to RELAX. Let things fall into place. Don’t play fool, but don’t assume someone new is the same as anyone else. Make sure they are taking the TIME for you just like you want the TIME from them or else...everyone will continue to be annoying. 

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Trophy

All a woman wants is a partner that’s not going to make her look stupid. - Portia

A partnership or relationship should be about trust, building, and long term. Granted, some relationships aren’t for the long term. Some things are just not meant to last forever. However, it’s important that we understand the value of our partners or whoever it is we are talking to whatever stage that may be.

If we are in the talking stage where we are feeling each other out, we should be getting to know each other and understanding where we would like to go with one another... Would we like to take it further? Have we already had sex? Does that change things if we did? For the better or the worse? Do you want to purse a relationship? Are you looking for a fling?

Who really wants to be in a situation where we are guessing what’s going on... or even worse.. thinking we KNOW what’s going on when in reality you’re living another life or just not even on the same page. Nobody wants to find out the hard way that the one they thought would be by their side is the one standing by the sides of others. Nobody wants to be involved with someone sharing “I love yous” just to find out they’re building the future you worked on with someone else. How hurtful is it to find out that the one you are into and showing off is the one that’s devaluing you behind your back. How immature is it for someone to even play that role??

Whoever you’re dealing with should be treated like a “trophy” or an “award”.. something of value. No.. your relationship or business shouldn’t be plastered about everywhere. However, your partner should feel comfortable enough to say “YES.. that’s MY partner”. There is NO reason why one should feel scared or hesitant to admit such a thing. Someone you’re dealing with should be able to  “Yes, we are talking” without people looking at them and wondering what happened to the girl they were talking to the other day or girls...

Women are loyal to those who make them FEEL as if they are worthy. Pay attention to what I am saying. Point of clarification: I am NOT at all saying that a woman needs a man to know they are worthy. I am saying that a woman wants a man that makes them FEEL as if they are worthy when it comes to them.

When a woman feels like the man she is for is for HER, she will go that extra mile, she will be that friend, best friend, confidant, lover, and go-to person. She will be down for the cause and all the support that you need. She will nag less and love more because YOU made her feel like your PRIZE. When you make a woman feel as if she is being embarrassed by looking stupid for being involved with you the dynamics CHANGE. She may stay.. thinking it will get better, but something in her now thinks somewhat less of you because YOU didn’t value her.

Everything happens in a domino effect when a woman is treated right.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Why Do We Work So Hard

Sometimes, I feel like I’ve worked so hard to get where I want to be and I’m still NOT there. I followed the “right” path and I’m still NOT where I want or even need to be. I went to school, finished school and graduated not once, but twice. I don’t have children just yet though everyone keeps asking. I haven’t found a solid job in my field. I’ve been applying non stop and I feel like I’m getting no where. I’ve done everything I need to do and I’m still not happy.

I would rather work jobs and make money that will lead me to happiness, but instead I can’t wait to get home and do a whole bunch of nothing.

I want to be able to go out where I want to and spend my own money on something other than bills. There’s no way life is full of paying bills and THAT’S IT. It can’t be.

Sometimes, I just want to come home and be able to pick up the phone and video chat with someone I care about. Your friends can only do but so much on days you want to boo-love.

It just seems so easy to be discouraged these days.

We worked so hard to earn our degrees and get bashed for having them and can’t find decent jobs with them.

They’re definitely worth it. I will never take away that or believe that they aren’t. I just feel as if something has got to give.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Devalued

Good enough to have sex with But not good enough to wife Down to hit it raw But not into spending too many nights Down to nut inside her But not down to raise a child Won't even take her out What's that about? You know she's a good woman But you make her feel devalued Even when she mentions it you fail to change your ways or even take it seriously She cuts you off and let's you back in even as a friend And you still fail to treat her like the queen that she really is She values herself now and doesn't need you in her life But because of everything you've been through she thought she would try Why does it feel like you're just a waste of time?

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Friend Like Me

Boom! Realization! When things went wrong, I never had a friend that was like me! We have friends that all serve different purposes in our lives. Each have qualities that might be similar, might be different, might be Our strengths and their areas in need of improvement or vice versa. I didn't need a friend to tell me things might get better or that they didn't like someone for me. I didn't need a friend to say he should treat me better or maybe we can work it out. I needed a friend to tell me more... To tell me the absolute truth...RAW. I needed someone to say "look fuck your feelings...this is what it is." I needed a friend like me. We get so caught up in emotions that we go through heartaches and heartbreaks. When we heal we are able to say everything we ignored was right in front our face. We knew better then and we know better now. We knew what choices we were making (goes back to my last blog... Take responsibility for your part in your own heartbreak.) We continued for whatever reason that may be, but we still participated in indulging in what caused more pain just for that drop of happiness that we had every so often. Why? Because that happiness, even if it didn't last long felt like everything we wanted it to be, everything we needed it to be and everything we yearned for it to be. However, that was temporary and who needs a temporary love when you know your heart was built for a forever kind of love? A love that is so strong and so true that it's only meant for the person we're ready to give our "all" to. (See future blog post) We need friends who aren't afraid to tell us the absolute truth at all times. That friend should know when to listen and soak it in, but remember to make a note to return back to that point. The problem is, we also need to accept that friend's words and not let how we feel block the message that we need to hear. We need to know who our genuine friends are so they're comfortable enough to deliver the message and you're comfortable enough to receive it. Not only do we need that "tell it like it is" friend, but Miss Tell It Like It Is needs to know when to stand down and take that message as well. She also needs to know when to deliver the message and how to be patient with those who can't always handle the truth. I needed a friend like me. I needed a friend to tell me that I changed...that my smile was mostly a frown... That I wasnt hanging out anymore... That I was stressing out and dressing down... That I was hurting and not healing.... That I was going back and forth in a game where I was an unwilling player. Someone to tell me that even though I treated him like a King, he treated someone else like a Queen, had his pawns and then had me; a rook(ie). I needed a friend to tell me that despite my feelings, I was trapped. I was digging myself a hole deeper and deeper and only saying I wanted to climb out... But the ladder was right there and I didn't lift a foot to leave and get some air.. Instead, I knocked it down and put it back it up only not to use it at all. Only to still be stuck in the same predicament and not doing anything about it. I needed a friend to tell me that the love I had for someone else was really a love that I needed for myself because I wasn't the person I was living as. I was looking in the mirror and seeing someone else. That was my first true love and I needed a friend to understand that, but to also show me what I didn't see was right in front of me. I needed that Raw and honest truth.. I needed someone to strip the excuses, lies, and everything else that blinded me from the naked truth that I sometimes purposely didn't want to see. I needed a friend like me. - & those are my thoughts of the moment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

What You Allow Will Continue

We need to start taking responsibilities for the roles we play in certain situations that occur in life.

Can we be real for a moment?

With ourselves AT LEAST?

Heartbreak: We get so caught up in being heartbroken that all we want to do is eat, sleep, curse them out, love them and hate them all at once. When do we really sit and take the time to analyze our situation? How long have the signs been there? How many times have the stories sounded like pure bullshit? How many times have the excuses built monuments of nothingness... Hello somebody?

For example, (I’m comfortable enough with my past to self disclose) I was talking to a man who was the best thing and the worst thing for me. I regret nothing. He was a great man; just not a great man for me. I allowed us to be in a situationship for an entire year before it really hit the fan and untold truths came out. He left me for his ex/current/whatever you want to call it girl. The point is .. he LEFT. He didn’t fight for me. He didn’t care. Was I hurt? Yes. Did I allow him to come back in my life? Yes. Did he hurt me again? DID HE; just when I thought I couldn’t be hurt like that again. He took it a notch up! Did I play a part? YES! We KNOW when something is up. We get so caught up in what we WANT to see that we PURPOSELY ignore what’s going on OR we don’t ignore, but we KEEP complaining about things NOT changing. So why wouldn’t he continue doing what I didn’t like? Because he kept getting away with it. There’s no reason why you have to let someone multiple times that you don’t feel valued. They should value you automatically and if they aren’t they should change their ways. If you keep allowing it, it will continue.

Financial Situations: We struggle. Struggles build strength and character. Struggling is not something that’s to looked down upon, but should be something you learn from. There are people living lives of struggle because people are unprofessional. “I don’t feel like going in so I’m just not going to go”. Did you call out? “I’m tired of this job. I’m ready to quit.” - never shows up “What happened to putting in a two week notice? Putting something in writing? Professionalism is key. Why didn’t you get that job you really wanted ... maybe because you just up and walked out of your last job... maybe because at your last job you never showed up in uniform or on time... Take responsibility for YOUR part! If you keep it up, you will continue to unhappy financially because your actions aren’t changing. You are allowing yourself to be in the way of you.

& lastly (for tonight anyway)

School: WHY aren’t people FINISHING school? This doesn’t apply to those with financial situations. We know how much school is. We get it. Things happen in life... health issues, family issues, financial issues etc. However, what is REALLY stopping you? Are you able to go to school now? Then, why aren’t you in school? Did you do what you needed to do to get your work done in that class? NO. Then maybe THAT’S why you didn’t pass. “My school schedule is messed up”. Did YOU take the time to see what classes were necessary for graduation? Did YOU check with your advisor? Was your advisor not helpful? Did YOU find one who might be better for your circumstances. Did YOU advocate for YOURSELF? Okay... so maybe you didn’t .. you have an extra semester. What are YOU doing to finish? What actions have you taken? You aren’t done because you aren’t doing what it is you need to do. You are allowing your circumstances to stay the same.

The point is, we need to start understanding and accepting that sometimes we play a larger role than we think in the downfalls and struggles we go through. Even if we play a small role, we need to take responsibility for the parts that we play. 

& Those are my

#ThoughtsOfTheMoment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Be aware of the unaware

There are a lot of white activists who aren't fully aware of their privilege. ...

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Sense

I saw a post that said "They fight with bullets. We fight with cardboard signs..who do we think is winning?" So if we're all dead did that prove a point? Who's alive to tell the story? Who's here to fight to change the laws? Because we can be so upset that we shoot back, fight back and riot, but we will still be DEAD. The laws will still be THE SAME.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Funny how the world works

Everyone gets notified about when police officers get threats, but nobody is notified when we are being killed unless we have a recording of it. 😳