travel-to-my-daydreams - Tumblr blog

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Sometimes I just don't care anymore. The thing is, is that I do care but it hurts too much because I do. It hurts to care about things. The world, its people, not all but a good amount can so easily make me feel like nothing. That everything I care about is nothing. They make me feel hopeless. My family makes me feel hopeless too sometimes. I just don't want to care anymore. I just want to disappear and never be found.

caring is important, but why does it have to hurt so much?

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

I haven't felt this bad in a while. I forgot how bad it feels to feel so low. The loneliness is so strong right now. I feel so alone. I feel dumb and stupid. I don't feel enough. All the bad thoughts are coming in full force with an army it secretly prepared. I feel like I don't want to care about anything anymore. I don't care about life or living. I don't care about the future or this world or the people. I don't care anymore. Or maybe it's that I do care but I'm trying so hard to look away because I don't like what I see. I feel myself getting worse. And it's so annoying because I was doing so much better. I was actually making good progress but now everything tumbled down and I feel so awful. I hate that I'm back down again. But this time I feel more alone than ever. I've forgotten what it felt like to feel like you have nobody.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Recently, I've been feeling lonely again. I feel so alone. I know I'm not but this feeling is so strong, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm grasping to breathe. I feel like I'm all alone. I'm so scared.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

I'm so tired of trying...only to fail. Over and over again, I just want to give up. I feel like I'll never be smart enough. Never be good enough.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

I wish I could just fade away, that my body would turn to dust and the wind would carry me off. I wish I could fade until my body becomes transparent and I'm no longer able to be seen or to be detected because I wouldn't exist anymore. I wish I could just no longer exist. I wish I could sleep now and never wake up. I wish I could but it's only a wish...a wish I wish would come true.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

It's funny how, you ask me why I'm always in my room...but then you call me crazy, making me feel judged, making me feel unsafe...you say I'm always in my room and blame it on my mental health ...but never seem to realize that maybe I just don't want to feel unwanted, that I don't want to feel like I'm being judged, that I don't want to feel...like I'm "crazy" as you so put it. Maybe I spend so much time alone in my room because I'd rather be alone than in the living room with you.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

I always seem to mess everything up. I wish I could be better but maybe I'm just fated to be a failure. Maybe I'm just fated to be a horrible person. Maybe I'm just fated to always be alone. To always say the wrong thing. To never get anything right. I know it sounds stupid but it's so hard not to think this way when you feel so fucking low. When you hate yourself so fucking much.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Just A Normal Day

"How are you?"

Oh, you know just a normal day. A normal late at night time of day to contemplate how much I wish I was dead.

Just a normal weekend where my thoughts keep screaming insults at me. Where I believe each one, how I'm a horrible piece of human trash that doesn't deserve to live. How I'm worthless and nothing. How I should just be dead.

just feeling the usual normal feelings where I feel like making myself small because I feel so scared for no reason. Just crying in my bed in the middle of the night, wishing I wasn't alive. Begging to just disappear. Hoping my brain would just leave me alone, that everyone would just leave me alone.

Just a Normal Saturday Night.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Still not perfect but whatever

I’ve read through this tumbler of mine and wow I’m depressing.

I still get overwhelmed to the point where I feel like I’m having a full-on panic attack. I still get really down that I don’t want to even pick up my own phone or get out of bed. I’m still struggling with my mental health and I’m still not perfect.

I still hate myself yet not as much, I’m learning to love myself even though it doesn’t feel like I’ve made huge steps. I’m trying at least, I think.

Nothing much has really changed yet things are not really quite the same.

When January 2022 passes, It will be officially 3 years since I’ve last cut. Sometimes I still get urges.

In my past posts, I’ve said I was alone and I had no one, that I had no one I truly trusted.

Well, I have a friend, someone I haven't mentioned but now I will. This friend listens and I listen back. This Friend I trust and they trust me.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

I feel numb again today

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Its nights like this, when my thoughts keep repeating one thing.

A message to the world and everyone who breaths.

My thoughts keep screaming in my mind "Just Leave Me Alone!"

Wanting to escape this world, wanting to escape everything. Wishing to be left alone and to never be found...

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

It really hurts when you feel like your NOTHING.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

What Is Fear?

Fear is that crippling beast that hovers over your shoulder. Clinging on to your back making sure it can wrap its rough palms upon your throat. Squeezing your throat so tight, until you feel you might feint. 

Fear is that sickening feeling that forms in your chest, as if there were claws tracing along your lungs and your bones. You wish it would go away but it gets worse every second that goes by. 

Fear is your very own stalker that shows up at the worse of times. The stalker that watches you when you can’t sleep, peeking through your window. The stalker that follows you wherever you go, no matter how many times you try to lose them. Fear will always be there. 

Fear will always be resting upon your shoulders. 

Fear will always be a flame igniting inside of you. 

Fear will always be peering over corners to spot you. 

What Is Fear? 

Fear is something that grows and grows as we choose to turn the other way. Wishing it could just go away, but Fear seeks your attention. So it will never leave you alone, no matter how much you plead. 

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Late Nights

The Moon watches over me,

Following me,

Making sure I'll be okay,

I'm afraid of the darkness,

So the moon shares its light with me,

The stars seem to smile down at me, Watching my every move,

As I walk this lonely path,

As If they were letting me know I'm not alone

- Travel-To-My-Daydreams

11/12/20

12:00 AM

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

What's wrong with me? Why don't I have any motivation? Why don't I care about anything? Why am I like this? Why am I always so tired?

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Sometiems I feel like I'm too sensitive for this world. I'm one of those people who would rather live in a fantasy and a fairytale. Where everyday and every moment is always sunshine and rainbows. Where eveything is beautifully perfect for me. Where there are no worries and I will be forever happy and in peace.

Reality is like a punch to the face, and I know that I have to accept reality and go on with my life. However Its actually really difficult to accept reality for what it is. Why? Because I despise this reality. I hate it so much, and I dont want to live in it anymore.

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

The world is really scary, especially the humans that in live in it. Reality is such a overwhelmingly HUGE disappointment. Which makes it easy to make the decision to live inside my own head, meaning daydreaming. Maladaptive daydreaming to he more specific. I know that my characters from daydreams are not real. Even when I wish they were, they never appear in front of me in this reality. I'm having one of those moments again, where i just want to hide from eveyone.