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loving someone but not being *in* love with that someone….knowing they’re not good for you but being so attached

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being overwhelmed for no reason but also for a million reasons at the same time is so hard to describe to other people 🫠

it can literally be a random thursday afternoon and maybe youre shutting down for no real reason at all or maybe its just from the trauma you had at 7 years old and its coming back up with all those unprocessed emotions

youre left crying, overstimulated, upset, overwhelmed etc and youre just lost in feeling everything at once but also feeling nothing at all at the same time

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🫠

bpd develops for a reason. don’t ever let anyone make you forget that.

you were hurt and had no one when you needed it most. you’ve been through so much pain and trauma. regardless of what the world sees you as, this was the way your brain decided to cope. this was the only way your brain knew how to survive and keep you alive to this point. you’re amazing and i’m proud of you

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Hey there are you okay? You've been inactive for a while.

i appreciate your concern!! means a lot <3 was going through a lot but might try and slowly come back to this account :)

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Hey you haven't posted for a whole are you okay?

i appreciate the concern <3 just spiraled and hit a low, self isolated myself from everyone. i appreciate you checking in though!! means a lot

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i wana be moots w u but u have ed pages as dni

trying to not get back into ed spaces and relapse !! ty

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didn’t forget this account exist, just spiraled !! <3

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lolllllllll

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having BPD is like simultaneously being a black cat and a lost puppy

you can be the sweetest little kitty and do no wrong but there’s nothing you can do to change some people’s mind about you. they’d stereotype you and believe all the misconceptions without giving you a chance.

you’re also constantly looking for your person. your place to call home. longing for that warmth and comfort of love but you feel so helpless in a storm that doesn’t seem to stop pouring. following mindlessly any person that gives you the slightest attention and being obsessed with them until you look up and realize you’ve lost them and are alone again in the unforgiving storm.

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“Why am I a sucker for all your lies?

Strung out like laundry on every line

Why do I come back to you, like I don't mind if you fuck up my life?”

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Having to explain to your fp that theyre your fp is the most embarassing shameful thing ever. It feels like revealing a secret that will make them leave. Because then they know you care about them. And if you want them so bad, they start to not want you anymore. But if you dont talk to them, they will never reach out to you. But if you talk to them too much, you will annoy them and they will leave. The paradox of BPD is so hard to describe and even HARDER for anyone who isnt BPD to understand. And all we want is true understanding and empathy. Its the most paradoxical illness on earth and you never know whether to hate people cuz they hurt you so bad or love them so intensely. But dont love them too much because then you will experience rejection. And dont avoid them because then they will just find a new person to be friends with. Living in the mind of someone with BPD is not only scientifically proven to be one of the most ACHING AND PAINFUL mental illness there is, the statistics for suicide attempts among people with BPD is 70%. 70% of us have already tried to end our lives because of the emotional torment. And 10% of us diagnosed (even more undiagnosed) have succeeded with suicide attempts. You cant be normal no matter how hard you try. You will never have normal friendships. You will practically fall in love with anyone and anything. You will fall in love with half your friends. You will be rejected by half those friends both platonically and romantically. You will never have a normal healthy relationship or marriage because of your jealousy, insecurity, and abandonment issues. We just want understanding and we can only get that from other people with BPD who we cant be close with because they also have BPD. Its so isolating. Its miserable. Lonely.

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remembering the fact all my past classmates would always vote that id be the highest achiever. remembering how i was always in the top few or the top of my class. remembering how passionate i was in life. remembering how i once had joy and got excited about stuff. i mourn over that person. that person is gone. they killed them.

I genuinely mourn the person I could have been.

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I genuinely mourn the person I could have been.

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wanting to kys to prove a point but also wanting to get better and be the best person you can be to prove a point

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thinking you’re completely over your ex fp that you split from months ago and then randomly getting hit with the immense feeling of missing them so then all those feelings you thought were gone come rushing back so now you’re hurt all over again and having to process everything over.

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having bpd is so wild because you can simultaneously feel like the best but also be so incredibly fragile that one little thing you perceive as even the slightest bit negative, you just come crashing down faster than a window shattering after getting hit with a rock

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losing a relationship (especially a close one) and having bpd is literally like “amor entreno” by rocío dúrcal bc you can’t be normal about anything and it feels like you’re going through the mourning process as if knowing they died