anditwasallyela

[anditwasallyela]

Pit Madness. Except it's 100% made up by Jason in a theatrical I-have-to-fold-the-dishes type excuse. He thought he was obvious about it, I mean jumping into some green acid and going insane? That's practically Joker's backstory in a single sentence. But unfortunately his family did not get the memo.

It starts after a normal patrol on Saturday. He was busy taking down some weapon ring Black Mask organized. When, of course, Bruce (very rudely, at least to him) barges in.

Bruce, afterwards: Your recklessness has to be managed-

Jason:

Jason: T'was the voices that told me so.

Bruce:

Bruce, clearing his throat: I see.

It was a joke. But honestly? He was still kinda pissed. And Bruce was kinda dense. If you were to mess with Bruce, you do not have the privilege of backing out, once you're in, you just don't get out. Maybe one of his siblings will tell him something, but that's out of his jurisdiction

Bruce: So if I'm getting this right, you're telling me.. the pit made you insane?

Jason, totally not pirating off of Jokers backstory, nodding furiously: Uhuh. That's the gist.

A bit more toying around, and later that night, when Bruce gets back to the cave, a new term is added into the computer. "Pit Madness".

Obviously, the other kids find out pretty easily. And if Bruce is saying it in a really serious tone, and it's been put into the Batcomputer, then it must be true, right?

Dick: Agh- hey, why'd you shoot that guy, I was- cuts off, and stays silent.

Jason: What? He was-

Dick: No, it's fine. I understand if it's because you're hearing things or whatsoever. Y'know, I've gone through something similar before. Not to intrude or anything- Just try not to do that again, 'kay?

Jason:

Jason: O...kay?

Tim and Damian know in an instant. Tim because, he's Tim, and Damian because he's been with Ra's long enough to know what the Lazarus Pit actually does. Tim plays along, he thinks of it as a joke as well and wonders how long it'll take for anyone to notice. Damian doesn't care too much, but it is entertaining. Slightly.

Alfred knows, obviously. He's Alfred. Jason would never lie to Alfred. And no lies pass through Alfred.

Barbara and Steph are on the edge of knowing. Cass knows. She won't tell either. Duke's a bit new, so he isn't exactly sure what to believe + he still doesn't know how bad the shenanigans can get. (In this time period, at least. After a bit, he'll be as chaotic, if not worse than them)

Jason still thinks of it as a joke. If some of them come to believe it, then eh. Not his problem they're dense.

[anditwasallyela]

yesss!! unfortunately i had to draw this on a phone (I'm usually a traditional artist) so I'm afraid I might not have done it correctly 😭

Drawing collab?

[anditwasallyela]

Drawing Collab! ^u^

This is my first time drawing Kon, so I might not have done him justice

Artblock kills, my friends. This is the first time I've drawn in a bit and it looks..... questionable.

Drawing collab?

[anditwasallyela]

my favourite au fic concept is the one where the league of assassins is just a fucked up crime based wing of Damian and Jason’s family. like yes, is Ra’s a horrible person with no morals? yes. but would it be funny if he was just a real fucked up murder grandfather that two of the batkids have access to that really freak out the rest of a bats on the regular basis? very much so.

the family dynamics i want to see in the loa:

-Ra’s is still Ra’s, but Talia is the one child he actually wants in his life, and thus he is forced to also deal with Damian, whom he begrudgingly indulges. then Jason shows up, who Ra’s fucking hates. no offence to the kid, but he already has one irritating boy he isn’t allowed to want dead, so the idea of having another one, this time one old enough to be less effected by the loa strict behavioural training and thus way more annoying, isn’t exactly a concept he’s thrilled by. he glares at his personal guard like they’re a camera from The Office every time Jason bursts into the room.

-Jason knows full well how much he gets on Ra’s nerves. this delights Jason. he spends most of his time at the league training, going on missions, or hanging out with Damian, but whenever he’s free he’ll regularly kick open the doors to Ra’s ridiculously fancy loa meeting room to interrupt whatever the fuck everybody’s scheming about purely because no matter how much the old sods working with Ra’s want him dead for it, Ra’s is obligated to protect him as his ‘adopted heir’. one time Ra’s had to plan the assassination of a minor rival and the entire meeting occurred while Jason sat on the table just to the left and in front of him playing subway surfers loudly. they all just had to raise their voices to speak over the music.

-Damian adores Jason, both as a tutor and a brother. Talia is happy about this because she trusts Jason to put Damian’s needs and safety before anything else, while Ra’s is devastated about their bond. this is because the longer Damian spends with Jason, the more Jason teaches him his ways of being an antagonistic little shit. by the time Jason goes to Gotham to become a crime lord he has to worry about Damian sneaking into his chambers in the middle of the night to ask for help because ‘i accidentally set fire to the horse stables and i don’t want mom to know it was me’.

-Talia watches in bemusement as Jason and Damian force Ra’s to begrudgingly become more of a person via repeated desensitisation to childish antics. they’ve even gotten the man a fucking ipad. Jason spam-video calls him at least once a month and doesn’t stop until he picks up. they don’t even have anything to talk about, Jason just finds it hysterical to watch him struggle to figure out how to operate it. the one thing about it that she doesn’t like is that Ra’s has gotten so used to having grandchildren that she’s stopped having as much control over their interactions. she came back from a mission to find Damian and Ra’s missing once, and it turned out they’d gotten a private jet to go to an aquarium.

“the brat wouldn’t stop talking about it. he threatened to cry and never stop, Talia. i swear, Jason Todd has turned him into a manipulative menace.”

“father, you bought him a stuffed dolphin.”

“correction, i killed the cashier and took it. technically, i was working.”

-Damian goes to Gotham to join the batfamily and he isn’t even phased by how weird the group of vigilantes is. his wing of the family is far weirder, anyway. him and Jason don’t mean to keep their little loa fam a secret, but between the whole ‘Damian is Bruce’s secret bio son’ and ‘Jason’s still alive and also the Red Hood of Crime Alley’ situations, it’s not like the loa is ever relevant. it’s the bats own fault for immediately assuming there would be no love or warmth in the league of assassins. they only start to wonder what Jason and Damian’s time in the league was actually like when Damian’s phone goes off while they’re all in the cave one day.

“Who’s that?” Dick glanced over from where he was stretching, Damian pulling his phone out and rolling his eyes at whatever contact he saw.

“Nothing important, I presume.” He mumbled, bringing the phone up to be level with his face before accepting what apparently was a video call. The others began to look over from their various tasks curiously, having never known Damian to bother with video calls before and thus becoming slightly curious. “Do you require anything?” He asked the caller, raising an eyebrow. “I am busy.”

“Get your mother’s special project to answer his phone.” Ra’s voice responded, strained from barely contained anger. Instantly the entire cave snapped to attention, shock and horror freezing them in place. Bruce jolted forward, mouth dropping open as he failed to find words. Damian ignored these reactions completely, instead allowing amusement to rise to the surface of his face as his eyes flicked to the side, where the only person in the cave not currently having heart palpitations, Jason, was casually cleaning one of his guns.

“He wants you to answer your phone,” Damian dutifully repeated, and Jason snorted, gracefully leaping to his feet and strolling towards him.

“S’ on silent,” He made it to Damian’s side, elbow resting on his shoulder as he looked down at the device. “Whaddaya need, oldie?”

“I have assassins stationed in Gotham who have gone silent, I need you to check-“ Jason bent over to bury his head in Damian’s hair, snickering loudly.

“Ra’s- Ra’s stop- you have to angle the camera down. Tilt the iPad towards you, all we can see is your forehead,” He laughed, Damian biting his lip desperately.

“For goodness sake- this blasted thing-,” Ra’s grumbled.

“Other way, grandfather.” Damian said after a second. “Now we can just see the ceiling.”

“Why didn’t you just voice call?” Jason said, voice high-pitched from laughter.

“I DID voice call, I don’t know why it-“

“Well you obviously clicked the wrong button then,” Jason explained patiently.

“Just give the iPad to mother and let her do it,” Damian tried.

“This is POINTLESS.” Ra’s snapped, as both boys shook with mirth. “Just turn on your phone and answer your damn messages, Jason!”

“Alright, will do,” Jason promised with a sun-like grin. He waved at the camera cheekily. “I’ll call you next time I travel outside Gotham; we can meet up somewhere for a coffee!”

“I have no time for your useless ‘chats’ Jason.”

“Don’t be mean, grandfather.” Damian said innocently. “Mother would not be impressed to know you were showing prejudice towards Ahki simply because he is adopted.”

“He’s ruined you.” Ra’s mourned. “You used to sit politely at my feet and talk about the different species of lizards. I was actually interested in those talks.”

“I will call you next week,” Damian ended the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket and allowing a small smirk to appear as he looked up at Jason.

“I love that man,” Said crime lord declared wistfully, placing a hand over his heart. “Such a baffling specimen of a human. Murderous of heart, autistic in nature; everything you need of a grandfather.”

“You’re going to be the thing that finally kills him one day, you know,” Damian pointed out wryly. When they finally turned back to the rest of the cave, they noticed the stock still frozen cast members of their non-assassin organisation family. Dick’s mouth was hanging open. Bruce looked enraged. Tim had one hand grasping the arm of a slightly offended looking Alfred.

“…What?” Damian asked, clueless.

All hell broke loose.

[anditwasallyela]

Let it be known Jason Todd grins like an absolute dumbass at any baby he sees

[anditwasallyela]

Pavlova cookie it's there every single time I send a balloon expedition, he wants to be free

[anditwasallyela]

Hey could your rep not be at the expense of ours, thanks.

[anditwasallyela]

*taps microphone* is this thing on? Okay…

🎤 THIS IS A REMINDER THAT ALL OF THE ROBINS ARE SMART, GENIUSES IN FACT. THEY ARE IN A FAMILY OF DETECTIVES. THATS LIKE THEIR WHOLE THING. ALL OF THE ROBINS (AND THE REST OF THE BATFAM TOO) ARE CLEVER, STRATEGIC, AND CAPABLE, NOT JUST TIM. (No hate to my boy Tim, though. I love Tim.) YES, EVEN THAT ONE. Thank you. 🎤

[anditwasallyela]

Jason is one of the most distant in the family. No one really knows what happened after he got resurrected in the pit, and it's not like they'd ask. Jason was a pretty private man, after all.

In this AU, they don't know about anything that went down with the outlaws. Nothing with the LOA, either. So sometimes, a conversation will go down like:

--

Tim: Don't you think it's a bit weird that Penguin hasn't done anything as of late? What if he's planning something big? There hasn't even been a single appearance-

Jason *eating a sandwich*: He's in my walls.

Tim: Sorry- what?

Jason:

Tim: What the fuck did you mean by that?

Jason:

--

Dick *on the phone*: Hey, wanna go out for lunch this week? There's this case I have to speak to you about-

Jason: Sorry, I'm in Nepal right now.

Dick: Oh? You on some big solo case, or-

Jason: Nah, I was gonna visit my favorite magic cult, but then I ran into Talia and I haven't seen her in a bit so I doubt I'll be able to see you this week haha

Dick: What.

Jason: *hangs up*

--

I dunno, I just really like these kinds of AUs. The comedy is limitless.

[anditwasallyela]

Dick Grayson haunts everybody's narrative. He's inescapable. Literally.

But you know who haunts his narrative?

The shadow of a young boy in a robin uniform, who died under a building, carrying his legacy. He didn't know him, he might've, at some point. But not now. Not now when he looks into the cold white lenses of the red helmet. Not now, when he watches him pick up a gun. Not now, when he dons a new name; a new identity.

He didn't know Red Hood.

And as his brother puts back the helmet on, he decides that he's never known him in the first place.

[anditwasallyela]

I love those AUs where Jason meets Damian in the LOA. Specifically, the ones where Damian goes to Gotham without Jason, and has to keep making weird excuses to go see him.

That? Combined with the Red Hood arc? Has so much angst/crack potential.

On the angst side, Jason is obviously going through it in the UTRH, but aside from that Damian is also trying to balance both sides. Should he listen to his father's virtues? Or to the older brother he's known for much longer? And he's just watching both sides crumble down as they feed into this cycle of miscommunication, knowing that he should probably do something- but wouldn't that break the trust he has on both sides?

But on the other hand, with Damian with the bats, the both of them have way too many opportunities to mess with ALL of them.

--

Dick: *knocking loudly* Damian! There's been a break in- Jason's room was raided.

Damian: Oh, wow, really? *hiding a burner phone behind him*

--

Tim:

Damian:

Tim: I know what you're doing, y'know.

Damian: I have no idea what you're insinuating, Timothy.

Tim:

Tim: Can I be in on it?

Jason, through the phone: Pass me the next case B's working on, and I'll give you a shot.

Tim: Hell yes.

[anditwasallyela]

the cookie brainrot.. the COOKIE BRAINROT IT'S GETTING TO ME GOD NO

I still need to do something with the background because it looks so plain...

Anyway, our regularly scheduled programming will come back later when I finally figure out how to PROPERLY draw Jason Todd

[anditwasallyela]

Jason, despite what the family thinks, is somewhat over his Robin days.

Sure, it still haunts him. But it's more like a reminder of where he came from, not a reminder of what he lost. He doesn't dwell on it too much, because it's his past; he was Robin, but he isn't Robin. Not now, not anymore.

But you know what he still is? Jason Todd who cried for his dead mother. Jason todd, the child who donned a red, yellow, and green suit as he stood proudly to help his home. Jason Todd, who died under the crumbling rubble, wondering if his father would ever come for him. Jason Todd, who picked up a gun and went against the very thing his mentor believed. He's Jason Todd, who's alive and breathing and forever wondering why his family is still mourning a ghost when he's right there.

He's right there. He's done some horrible, unforgiving things, yes. But he's alive, isn't he? He's breathing. His heart beats. He can touch, he can move, he can feel. Sure his relationship with his family has been off track ever since the initial crime lord and murder thing, but he's still Jason Todd. And that would never change. So why? Why do they still mourn a shadow of his past? A figment of memories, that not even he understood?

And it hits him- a lot harsher than it should.

His family mourns who Jason Todd was, not Jason Todd.

Or maybe, they never saw him as Jason Todd. Maybe he was just a monster. A tragic end to a once beautiful fairytale. Made to be mourned; even if the storm has settled and the flowers still live on.

And it stings, just a bit, but Jason knows he can't blame them. So, he puts the helmet back on, and settles on being Red Hood for now.

[anditwasallyela]

stop this is killing me 😭

[anditwasallyela]

The Robins never acknowledge each other.

Like- never. After they grow up into their own heroes, poof, all that history is down the drain. At least, to everyone else.

It's an unspoken rule to the batkids that Robin is a persona- a role. When you are Robin, you are also everyone who came before you. You carry their name, their suit, and the idea they upheld. Robin isn't a particular person, it's an identity or maybe a whole other entity itself.

While we all know how Dick transitioned from Robin to Nightwing, only the older YJ or maybe Teen Titans and the Batfam know that. To everyone else, it seemed like Batman lost his brightly colored child, and a few months later he came back suspiciously smaller while a new vigilante rose in Bludhaven.

When questioned where the first Robin went, Jason scoffed and denied it, telling everyone that he "jumped in a vat of acid which made him smaller". The more times he was questioned, the worse the replies got.

"The Joker cut off my legs and they grew back shorter."

"I had a spine shortening surgery."

"What do you mean? I've always been 4'8."

--

Jason dies.

Nobody questions why Tim is there.

Then- an older and obviously blonde female replaces him. And the JL is weary. At this point, it's clear that Batman is just collecting children and not a single one of them knows where any of them are going. Hell, this oldest one they've seen. Maybe they'll get answers this time? The chance is low, but they casually slip it in conversation and then- They can't see, but they can practically feel the glare from beneath her mask.

"What? Can't handle a trans woman? Then you'll be raving about my hair next, huh? God forbid a man wants a change-"

Batman sighs loudly and excuses her from the meeting.

A few months later, a small, tanned, child who wields a katana joins the Robin crew. The JL doesn't ask anymore. They're tired of the shenanigans, and why on God's green earth do they have the same glare?

But eventually, and rather unfortunately, someone lets their tongue slip and-

"Are you not taught manners from where you came from? It's because I'm Arabic, isn't it? Is that how much difference means to you? You know, I'll have you know, the Nanda Parbat trains the finest-"

The barrage of words doesn't end even as Batman enters the room. And all the batkids, somewhere, far away, watching the cowl footage, giggle silently.

[anditwasallyela]

UTRH but it is Jason's Red Hood outfit from Tiny Titans #33. Which if you haven't seen it is his Robin outfit (the one without pants) with a leather jacket he got from Alfred and a red bucket.

THIS ONE??????

[anditwasallyela]

Been a bit since this, and Jason Peter Fucking Todd came into my dreams as McDonald's cashier.

He cooked patties with a crowbar instead of a spatula.

Anyway! I have more to add to this. I know damn well that he would abuse this. 100%. Tim's on an undercover mission at a gala? Jason is somehow a server there. One of Damian's teachers took a sick leave? Guess who got a new job. Dick went out for a late night out to get some snacks at a 24 hour convenience store? Jason is verbally criticizing him as he scans the items. And Bruce doesn't even know how Jason became a telemarketer for WE, but he's not complaining.

Jason is everywhere. He is inescapable. No one knows where or how he's getting these jobs and they're all pretty sure he's only doing it to annoy them.

You know how Jason is the unemployed friend of DC? Yeah, I love that. Full-heartedly.

But I raise you this: him actually having a job; but they're weird (sometimes illegal), and he only does them for like a week MAX.

One day he's an assassin. Next, he's a resurrectionist (basically body snatchers, who like, dig up old graves to get the bodies to either sell them to science or to bury again, Jason was trying out exposure therapy). And somehow, he becomes a zookeeper (The family only knew once they took Damian to the zoo and got jumpscared. The job only lasted two days before he ditched.)

The sheer length of his job range could take ten laps around the earth, and nobody knows how he's getting them.

Tim (on an undercover mission in a Metropolis library): Hello sir, do you know where the computers a-

Tim:

Jason:

Tim: What the fuck are you doing here.

Jason: I'm a librarian.

Tim: Wha- since when-

Jason: Like... 4 hours ago.

Tim:

This man has way too much free time, he might not need the money, but he needs the entertainment. Like- you're telling me that as a full time vigilante/crime lord, he wouldn't pull shit like this? Uh huh. Sure, bud. But the DC i live in stands for Disregard Canon.

Also, bonus:

Damian: I am severely concerned with the three of you's education.

Bruce (med school dropout):

Dick (college dropout):

Tim (high school dropout):

Tim *points to Jason*: hang on- what about him???

Jason: Whu? Oh, nah, i got my GED and spedran my degree after that whole Crime Lord spat.

Bruce:

Dick (secretly very proud):

Tim:

Damian: See? If a man whose been legally dead for 4 years can do it, then why can't you?