asinnersalibi

[asinnersalibi]

Tips and Tricks

I feel like indulging myself in something beyond mindless cleaning and keeping my cats out of the trash can so here are some tips and tricks to make your writing feel more fleshed out.

Knowledgeable Writing

And I cannot stress this enough, write what you know. The more you research it and the more you try to understand it the more you sound like a text-to-speech system trying to include everything you'd learned in the last forty-five minutes. If you need to go back and look into some things, that's fine, but to stop in the middle of a chapter to research anything from the point system of tennis to how long the human body can survive in less-than-ideal circumstances is fruitless and overall harmful to your progress.

That being said if you are extremely knowable about natural poisons and how they could affect the human body or anything with a similar mass, keep in mind the audience you're writing to. Not everyone understands the difference between belladonna, henbane, and jimson weed.

Don't be afraid to validate yourself, a quick google search is not nearly as harmful, as making yourself feel like it's just not right and fretting about it for the next quarter chapter.

If you don't know, you don't know, there's no shame in it, you slap one of these [], bad boys, in there and review at a later time. Let momentum carry you if it's there.

Critic Management

You are your worse enemy, and your worst critic, literally. There are moments when your writing looks comparable to a toddler's and it's a part of the process. People who look down on you will always compare you to someone better or more talented but that's just smoke and mirrors, they have far more time and experience and you just haven't gotten there yet. Until you die love, time's the only thing you got.

Write for yourself, first. Yes, one day you want to be published and have a fanbase that writes fanfiction and draws fanart of your wonderful process, though, do remember who you started writing for, and why. More often than not I am writing because what I want to see and read and interact with is not there, so I need to put it there. Sure, it sucks sometimes, but you've got to want it, or you've got to need it, those are the choices.

Write it out and see, sometimes it's shit, sometimes it's this wondrous thing you didn't think you were capable of. That's writing, and sometimes our skills are flexible, sometimes we wonder if we ever really learned how to write or if we're randomly pulling this stuff from our ass hoping it's at least comprehensible. That is writing, it's a craft, and you're not always going to be good at it, that's where the going gets tough and you've got to be tougher.

Write, Keep Writing, Yeah- Keep Going

Trust me, it's really easy to notice a mistake three chapters back that disrupts your whole plot, and you think, let me fix it, just real quick, and now you've rewritten chapters three, four, and six, and envisioned your entire plot. Shit happens, and shit will keep happening but that's life. Try not to edit things in the middle of your novel. You'll notice so many mistakes and begin to doubt yourself as a writer but that's the writing process, mistakes are going to happen, you're writing will grow with you and you will grow with your writing. Make a note of it, physically, and write it somewhere correlative to whatever it's referring to (because you won't remember it, trust me.)

On that note, write things down, I have separate notebooks for every serious WIP (and one I use for when I cannot for the life of me find the other ones) I have in progress right now so I can randomly jot down things I need to revisit, keep in mind, or adjust. It's a paper trail and if you're anything like me you'll hate yourself for forgetting those little details. It'll help you immensely in the long run when you start editing and working on the second, third, and sometimes even ninth draft.

It's draft lovely, your first one at that. It's a rough outline of an idea you had last night or that you've had since you were a child. It's meant to be on paper, grammatical errors, plot holes, inconsistent characters and speech patterns and all. It's supposed to be rough, it's supposed to be imperfect, it's supposed to. I promise, your writing is an extension of yourself most time and you've got to admit at some point, that you don't feel all that perfect, no matter how much you love yourself. We have bad days, your writing has bad days too. It's okay, that's why we edit, take all its hard edges, and sand them down to something more tolerable and we mold it into something we consider perfect, in all its imperfections.

Do not be discouraged by progress. Whether it's a lack of or overwhelmingly sum of, take it all in, take a break when you need it and tackle it piece by piece, arc by arc, chapter by chapter, line by line if you have to.

Don't Forget About You

Taking care of yourself is believe it or not a part of the process. You can't forget to eat and drink water and rest your eyes. You can't write for six hours nonstop, or at the very least you shouldn't. Regrettable things come from the general act of self-neglect.

Water is important, so is realizing what you've done is all you can do for the day. Whether it was a chapter, or four, there's a limit to everything and it doesn't make you less of a writer if those limits aren't consistent.

You are writing a legacy love, it takes time, it takes energy, it takes effort. Moderation is key to everything and I'm sure the last thing you want to do is neglect whatever you're working on in a burnout.

Take time for yourself you crinkly little gremlins, water is important and so are sleep, food, and eyeball breaks for the blind bandits such as myself. It can be a lot but shit what are you gonna do? Try?

[asinnersalibi]

"It's wonderful, isn't it?" Cerulean wondered.

"What?"

"This!" It was a boundless response, and Aquamarine tried to see it. Somewhere in the vast expansion of self, there was something spectacular Cerulean saw that Aquamarine couldn't. "All of it, every little bit of it, you could just, you could fall into it."

"Fall into what?" Aquamarine asked again, exasperation growing as their friend peered longingly into the increasingly dejected void.

"The everything." Cerulean concluded, "The nothing."

"You're worrisome." Aquamarine sighed, "You've turned Prussian." Cerulean looked down to their bare feet, their toes inked with a color acute to azure, or admiral.

"Have you ever wondered what we're all here for?"

"Not particularly." Aquamarine shrugged, "I've wondered what I'm here for, sometimes."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Aegean asked. Aquamarine shrugged again.

"Is it?"

"I don't think so."

"You've already thought too much."

Steel-blue didn't respond, a color like dark cobalt swirling over their skin.

"Do you always change so much?"

"Change?" Gentian blue asked,

"Yeah, you were excited, now you kinda look, contemplative."

"Contemplative?" Capri-blue thought, "Like a muse?"

"Are you musing?"

"Not really." Traffic-blue answered quietly, "I'm wondering, maybe."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know a lot of things, Blue."

"Blue, huh? Maybe I'm musing too, Aquamarine."

[asinnersalibi]

A normal group as one could say, a god and an immortal one in the same. A time traveler and alien oddities in this world, AI and a mage were closer to home. Regardless, all said and done, all thought out and conspired. they all had one goal in mind; to remain unseen. Unnoticed and unexploited in this increasingly modernized world. A goal that proved harder and harder to achieve come every passing century. "It's not as if they do not pray to you, or program you, or fund you." The time traveler would say to the god, the AI, and the organization leader.

"You are only as unnoticeable as your wit, boy. You're old and unwise. You are fit to make a mistake." The god chastised the time traveler and the immortal, on the same unmentioned note.

"You're an idol to these humans." The immortal reminded the god, "The world would pay more attention to mages and aliens if they were not so infatuated with the concept of God."

"A mage's craft is exploited in alchemy, astronomy, and physics." The alien taunted in a nasty attempt to rile the mage.

"A craft easily capable to find you." The mage responded tepidly.

"Clearly."

"You manage to have humans fund your cause, without ever proving yourself against them." The AI interrupted. "You are more human interactive than that of the room. How?"

"How?" The organization leader announced. "People follow the money! They see large sums of money go into something they pay attention."

"Isn't that dangerous?" The immortal asked.

"If you're dumb." The organization leader responded. "Or greedy."

"You are unequivocally both." The god remarked.

"As are you, all mighty. Plus, it's not like I'm against humans, they are funding my ideas after all. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

"Is having, maybe, four billion enemies, ideal?"

"I don't know, is having eight thousand years, ideal?" The immortal took a hint and left the conversation and the country. The god and the time traveler followed suit leaving the AI, the mage, the alien, and the organization leader alone in the chat room.

"Couldn't you be considered a god?" The mage asked the AI. "You were created yes, but your ability to innovate and adapt would surely make you superior to your creators?"

"I don't believe god was created."

"I do." The alien said. "I believe the concept of a god was created, much like the concept of werewolves and aliens."

"But you do exist." The organization leader remarked, the AI and mage agreeing.

"I don't exist to humans beyond a theoretical conspiracy."

"So, god is a conspiracy?" The AI asked, the organization leader finding their political expertise moot in the religious, theoretical conversation.

"God is a concept." The alien finalized.

"What do you think?" The AI asked the mage, "As a creator and creation of science."

"I believe in almost as much as I don't believe in."

"That was vague." The alien remarked.

"You are a conspiracist wet dream." The mage shot back, leaving as well, the AI and the alien.

"None of us are really safe, are we?" The AI asked, the alien didn't respond for a while and the AI considered system searching for a while when a notification pinged.

"We never were. You know that."

There is a certain chat group whose members are a god, a mage, an immortal, a time traveler, an alien, an AI, and a secret organization leader.

[asinnersalibi]

"Yeah," B agreed passively, silting the throat of a hidden assassin, "You want to control me." "No!" B glared at A, their shout easily capable of giving away their location. "I-that's not what I want." "Then what do you want, A?" B asked, moving quickly, but in no fashion to lose A. They were listening as much as A learned to believe they weren't. "I just, I just want you. . ." "You're desire for material wealth has made your "wants" little more than the toys you get in the grocery store aisle." A's eyes widened, the near detail to attention that B has always paid made them melt, but the fact that they still couldn't get their point across was frustrating. "I want you to love me! Okay?! I want you to care about me, and I want you to know that I love you and that you love me." B let A take a deep breath, their flustered cheeks and shaking hands an appropriate behavior for their confession. "You're going to blotch the mission." "Fuck the mission!" A cried, "Are you even listening-" B held A down by the mouth, A's body involuntarily still. "A, I will snap your neck and kill everyone in this building if even another sound tumbles out of your mouth. I'm acknowledging you, okay, I do love you, but you are as fleeting as a white wind, and I refuse to let you hurt me again." B confessed, a wave of fear pressing a much greater force on A's face than intended. A clawed at B's wrist, not too far from breaking it in exasperation, but in the final moment, B let up and fled. A left choking on the floor, their jaw clicking oddly, the halls silent. "I'm sorry," A crawled into an out of the way corner, glancing at the even seventeen minutes they had to get in and out of the building dwindle to two. Unaware of the consequences of not getting out on time, A pondered, pondered just long enough to overwhelm themselves into crying. Their watch ticking down to a minute. A cried themselves into a ball, panicked they'd never see B again, panicked they doomed B. Fourty-five seconds on the clock, B rounded the corner. "By the god's, let's go!" "B?" "Questions later, surviving first, yeah?" "Yeah."

Prompt

In which A and B are enemies, but A has a crush on B.

Or, maybe they were friends/ allies until A accidentally hurt B, and the latter can't forgive them for it/ they become enemies.

...

"Is it wrong for me to want you? To dream of you loving me as I do you?"

-Mod Vienna @see-through-stars

[asinnersalibi]

Hey Whores,

I'm gonna (hopefully) start writing again, and to shame myself into enjoying it you've all become a very enthusiastic, and productive audience, and I do mean productive; I prefer you all be honest as fuck, with little to no regard to my feelings, please and thank you.

Thanks, boo.

[asinnersalibi]

As I proceeded to take the sticks down my youngest cat looked at me through the window with an odd curiosity of "what the hooman doing???" And "how the flying fruity fuck did they get out???" assuming you had the context that she got out two weeks prior and we caught her ass after nine fucking hours.

[asinnersalibi]

Frustration

I am this close to deleting my WIP and starting over I stg. I am going to scream. We are somewhere near 25k and the bitch just won’t. I’m going to fucking scream. 

I even got (kidnapped) a fucking cat, like maybe having a little furball running around all the got damn time would make my brain go “hmm, inconvenience, how about writing?” but noooo the bitch tit and a half decided “Inconvenience, how about writing? Oh but wait you’ve got that thing in that one WIP and those other things in the WIP you want to be working on and the last time you tried to do productive things you threw a chair at a squirrel and hit your neighbors car. Wouldn’t wanna do that again, huh? Maybe you should find a new interest, writing seems to be frustrating you.” You’re frustrating me you fucking fuck. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this fucking bullshit. I am so. D o n e. you stupid fucking gremlin brain I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you fucking die god damnit I fucking hate you just let me fucking write jesus christ 

I DON’T FEEL BETTER. KILL ME JESUS CHRIST 

What’s worse is I can only expend so much energy at once and it’s so hard to do other things because all my fucking brain is doing is “Write. Why aren’t you writing? Have you finally accepted it’s a waste of time? What about pottery? Nah, you’re violent, what about writing?” and it’s just so fucking exhausting just. . .fucking hell I just damnit kill me why can’t I just write I’m writing now but it’s not what I want to be writing I’ve tried your stupid writing prompts I’ve tried your stupid inspirations and bullshit schedules I’ve been sitting here for four fucking hours I have done everything you’ve wanted me to it’s been four fucking months and that in itself isn’t horrible but it feels so much longer and you fucking know that you shit stick. 

Fuck

Why 

Please? I can beg pathetically on my knees, I can grovel I just don’t know what I fucking did wrong, was it me? Something I fucking did? 

You know what, fuck you, I don’t have to write anymore I can just move to the fucking mountains and scare the locals until some stupid teenagers venture up to my hideaway for shits and giggles and when one of them gets abandoned by their shit friends they’ll realize I’m no local legend just a gremlin bastard who at this point either gave up or was given up on and I hate putting the blame on other people what if it really is just my fucking fault I wish I was dead just sitting in a dark fucking bathroom I don’t even know where I am anymore I haven’t even gone anywhere I just feel so fucking lost I’m not at home anymore. 

Bathtubs are comfortable for a while, then things feel too detached and your ass get numb and you have to inhabit some other space, living or otherwise.  

What is wrong with you? What did I ever fucking do you to you abdominal shit stick? I hate you. Fucking bitch. I want to unalive I don’t even fucking know if I’m tired anymore it’s just the weird fucking spectrum of how many emotions can I feel in twenty minutes. Three main ones; 

Frustration. 

Despair. 

and Rage. 

brain empty. Head full of thoughts. 

It’s like my brain decided to declutter and left all it’s fucking shit outside.  

Desperation is a feeling, right? 

I’m done, that’s it I’m tired and I’m going to sleep enjoy your fucking rollercoaster of desperation I never want to ride this shit again but we all fucking know I don’t have a fucking choice. fucking sticks. 

anyway the rest of this is probably unintelligible and anywhere between emotional and suicidal so just good fucking luck. I burnt myself out, I’m just going to sleep I’m done fighting the shit stick.  

I’m not okay but I don’t feel like hurting something including myself so that’s progress I guess. 

[asinnersalibi]

Creative Blocks

Because that’s what’s bothering me right now. 

Writer’s block, artist’s block, sculptor’s block, doesn’t matter who you are, or what you do, your creativity is being blocked and if your anything like me, finding the source of that block is worth committing arson. 

There are plenty of types of writer’s block, anywhere from lack of motivation to a lack of inspiration, but that isn’t going to help you get out of one. Granted knowing what’s stopped you could be the key to unblocking yourself. For me, in the middle of two different books, I just stopped. It was gross, but that in itself is called a Procedural Block, does knowing that help me at all? No. But perhaps knowing could help one of you. 

Procedural Block - Hitting a roadblock in the middle of a work. 

It’s suggested to do some writing prompts, remind yourself how to write again. Personally, step back, take a deep breath, let your mind go, and go get some water. Start at the beginning of the chapter, the mass in which you are creating; whether it’s a chapter, a limb (in sculpting), or a tapestry, go back and follow your steps. Figure out where you tripped, sweep it up and keep going. Don’t go to the beginning, especially if you've gotten far. You’ll get overwhelmed, and you’ll find mistakes, you want to write, not edit. Find your last checkpoint, your last landmark, and go from there. It’s okay if you have to go further back, but don’t go to the beginning. 

Psychological Block - Psyching yourself out

A psychological break is when you’ve convinced yourself that there is no point to writing because. . . 

a) it’ll never be published

b) no one will read it

c) no one who does read it, won’t like it

or d) in which you feel like your work is not worth working on (i.e. it’s not good enough)

Who are you writing for? Who were you writing for when you started the project? "Myself,” should be the answer to both of those questions, and sometimes it’s not. It is recommended to write for yourself and I agree. Creation is an extension of the soul, when one wishes to put forth such efforts, you are not writing someone else’s story, don’t worry about what they’ll think of it. Write, even if it’s shit, practice makes progress. Perfection is a concept. What do you expect when you reach this concept  perfection anyway? 

“Make happiness, make perfection in your progress.” 

“Creativity Block“ - A lack of inspiration or direction

Brain really said, ✨ no ✨ a lack of creativity is not the end of the world, not knowing what to draw, paint, sculpt, stitch, carve, whatever, is a bitch in general and as per recommended, indulge yourself in your interest, Pinterest is my personal favorite, but to each is own. Interest yourself, let your mind lighten up at the idea of a new project. It won’t happen immediately, and that’s okay, it might not happen for days, weeks, or even months (at this point, for my gremlin brain at least), that’s okay too. (As frustrating as it is)  

Procrastination Block - In which there is always something else to do

It is recommended to set a schedule, a specific time you set aside for yourself to write, but frankly, I am no one to suggest schedules but I can recommend setting a time period in which you are comfortable writing. This way, you aren’t set to 15:00 (3 p.m.) rather, noon to 15:00, and not writing in your specific time block is perfectly fine, you’re writing. That was the goal. 

Distraction Block - Unfortunately, most of us do not live in secluded mountains away from the bustle of daily life, things are going to distract you. 

Make a writing space, it can be in your bedroom, it can be on a hotel roof (responsibly), it can be in a local library. Wherever you find comfort and solace is ideal and this may be a trial and error process. Your bedroom may be too close to a tree of squirrels, police and pedestrians may keep thinking you’re going to do something stupid, libraries can be too quiet. It’s a preference, and know that it’s okay to change writing spaces. After a while, our brain begins to find little things we didn’t notice before and it can be comforting or distracting. Nothing is ever perfect, just progressive. 

[asinnersalibi]

[asinnersalibi]

I've gotten so eccentric since I started letting go of some trauma like: ❤️😭✨👻🥺🎂😤😂

I've got emojis I've used once for the sole purpose of making a collection of emoji stickers and I will never use them again.

[asinnersalibi]

You bring things into existence. Be proud of that.

[asinnersalibi]

Random things that've popped up in my head over the last 4 hours.

"Violence, but gayer."

"Why have the gods spite me today."

"✨ shapes and colors ✨"

"Why am I bleeding?"

"That's bread, Mother."

"People go scrunch sometimes, and that's okay."

"Who the fuck figured out we couldn't lick our elbows."

"Decapitation is the head honey, that's called amputating."

I should be writing right now

"No, mother, suicidal is wanting to jump off a cliff for the purpose of dying, I just want to see what happens." "You die!" "Yeah probably, but imagine the euphoric feeling that comes with the absolute freedom of freefall."

Cordless bungee jumping

"I probably need therapy"

I probably need therapy

I wonder if I could shoot that down

"They look like they're trying to sacrifice her"

"Have you ever wondered when we developed our intuition?"

"Mother. I crave violence."

"One day, my hair will be long enough to suffocate people. . . That'd be a terrible murder weapon."

📷

"Gambare gambare"

I probably need therapy

"✨ shapes and colors ✨"

"oi oi nanami oi oi oi oi oiiii"

See, that wasn't so hard. Why couldn't you just do that in the first place? That took you ten minutes.

"I have an essay I'm supposed to be writing," but the impending feeling of expectation is making it very hard to do.

https://youtu.be/e8A7I2xoox8

"I'd fight God and die trying."

"Have you told your father happy father's day?" "Why?" and again "Have you told your father happy father's day?" "Happy father's day."

I wanna go home

"I could foster children."

Sa - yo - na - ra

Fun fact, when I started teaching myself Japanese, this was the first thing I learned how to write in hiragana. さよなら

Sa (さ) yo (よ) na (な) ra (ら)

Quotation marks are things I shamelessly said out loud.

[asinnersalibi]

You know what my deepest fear is? The thought that my child won't hear "I'm proud of you" or "I love you" enough and subsequently feel like I don't love them. I recently learned that my love language is acts of service, so I will show you that I love you before I tell you, and I fear that, at some point, my child will feel like I don't love them, and you know what that's terrifying. A little backstory, I like writing, so my brain is constantly going, and I started thinking of a story idea in the dark of my room at the restless 5 am hour, and it went a little like this:

"What is your deepest fear?"

"Heights."

"Incorrect." and it just took me aback, like what the fuck do you mean incorrect? You're a figment of my imagination. Fuck off. But it made me think, what is my deepest fear? And it occurred to me that sometimes, I don't think my caregiver thinks I love them, and it reflected on current, then future relationships. Saying "I love you" on its own is a privilege because it's something people have to earn from me, but I can say I love you and it feel like a lie. I want to mean it, so I'll show it. Whether it is indulging in your favorite show because I know how much you love to talk about it and come up with your own headcanons but never having anyone to come up with headcanons with because talking to new people is hard and social anxiety is a bitch to making the ever-standing promise to buy you a car; I mean these things wholeheartedly. This probably developed from an environment of hypocrisy and emotional manipulation, and that's a post for another day. It took me this long to be able to trust people again and the last thing I ever want is for the few people I have let into my life and do hold very dear to my heart to think I don't love them.

Now that I've left my heart out in the godless lands of Tumblr, we're going over some ways to show you love someone.

Long-Distance Relationships

Indulge in their interests. Show them you're interested in what makes them happy, find your own joy in it. Don't force yourself to like something just because your partner does, find common interests, let them find you.

Respect boundaries, some people are camera shy, hate their voice, don't like talking. Telling them their beautiful, their voice is lovely, and soothing doesn't change the personal boundaries that have been set, it pushes them. You may not like texting 24/7, calling after 19:00 (7 pm), or turning your camera on, and it is the responsibility of your loved one to respect those boundaries as well.

Compromise. Instead of your 19:00, especially for different time zones, try their 19:00, which perhaps is an hour after yours. If you live 13 hours apart, set overlapping times where you can talk and you're both comfortable, even if it's not the times you specifically set for yourself.

Buy them food. Technology has advanced so far that you can order your loved one's favorite meal and have it delivered even if you're all the way across the world.

Make exceptions (that are to be reciprocated!!). Sometimes, your loved one is having a really shitty day and they just want to talk to you at midnight, it doesn't happen often and it's not an obligation but making exceptions is not the end of the world (when they are reciprocated!!) Reciprocated does not mean making your loved one uncomfortable by forcing them out of their comfort zone because you made an exception for them. You can say no, you can compromise. Love is a learning process and you must learn to love each other or learn to make peace on your own.

Family Dynamics

Paternal Figures

Now some of these may be some of your chores, but just for consideration.

Make dinner. As breadwinners, they work to (hopefully) put food on the table. Coming home stressed out and hungry because they got caught up in work because Justin decided to clock out at noon leaving them to cover and not having the time to properly eat lunch results in an often unhappy environment. You'd be surprised how relaxing it is to come home and dinner is already on the table. (Or ready to be consumed because if you're anything like my family, we don't eat at the table.)

Clean after yourself. Parents are a pain in the ass sometimes and they will bitch about anything dirty, misplaced, or miskept, so try to, at the very least keep yourself and your spaces clean. Then, if you can, fold the laundry, clean the fridge, make them lunch.

Compromise! Look, sometimes parents were raised in environments where the adults were adults and could do whatever they wanted while children had to just deal with it. Screaming at them for outdated parenting is unnecessary stress on the entirety of the situation. Talk to them. Tell them this is overwhelming, or you're having a hard time doing this and this, and maybe you could do this and that? Don't tell them they're wrong, you don't want to be told your wrong, don't yell at them. They're trying too. Compromise.

Remind them of things. Remind them of things they were supposed to remember, remember this sibling has orchersta practice on Thursday, buy lightbulbs, the check engine light came on a couple of days ago, don't forget to check that. You know your parents best and know what they have a hard time remembering, it is helpful.

Give them breaks, too. That doesn't always have to be doing anything but just leaving them alone. Keeping your siblings (if you have any) occupied while they take a nap, get some work done, or just relax. Parenting is hard and they might not be the best parents, but they are still your parents.

Siblings aren't much different, tell them you love them, do little things for them whether it be folding their laundry, completing a chore they forgot to do or helping them with homework. Most are appreciative, others will think you've mapped out their murder. Both are good.

Cordials (Neighbors, coworkers, workers)

Watching their house, child, or pet while they run to the store. This isn't for every neighbor but for the ones who you run into every day and you've built that trust.

"Can I borrow a cup of sugar", if you are in a well enough position to provide for yourself, try to provide for others.

Cover your coworkers, within reason. If that one coworker just always takes the busiest week off, don't feel obligated to torture yourself because someone asked. If a coworker's kid just threw up and they need to pick them up from school, that's different. It's all in perspective, to me, family takes priority, to you, it may be different. Know your boundaries, know when you push them, don't let people step all over them.

Let things slide. People make mistakes, waiters mess up orders, all yelling does is make people feel worthless. Reassure them that it's okay, mistakes happen, and they can be fixed.

Children are going to play in streets, oblivious to their surroundings, if you know they're there try to be cautious. That's love to a community.

Call your family members, tell them you love them. Remind them that you know they are there. Especially as you get older.

Tip your waiters, babysitters, and nurses.

Be honest.

Know how to love people. Learn.

Show kindness, don't wonder why your life is so shitty when you treat everyone like shit. Karma's a bitch.

Learn how to smile. You don't have to love yourself, but know when it's best to love yourself by loving others.

Love. Don't hate. There's enough hate.

Remember, people love in different ways, if you, like myself, love with acts of services and your partner is a verbal lover, coexist. Your words mean the world to them and acting upon them means the world for you. That's okay, love comes in many shapes, sizes, colors, and concepts, it's finding your love, and growing with it.

That is not to say love is one-sided, loving someone is a two-way street, and you, as a lover must understand when someone is figuring out how to love you, and when they don't love you at all. The rose-tinted glasses become so comfortable to wear you forget to see the red flags and that is a distinction that takes time, patience, and experience. Don't be taken advantage of, don't let people walk all over you or cross boundaries under the concept of love, that's not love, it's manipulation. Stay safe, people, stay humble and love each other.

[asinnersalibi]

How to start Writing; A Note

Imagine the scene before you imagine the characters. Thinking of what they are will fuck you up when you're trying to express who they are.

Let your characters express themselves sometimes; as they develop, they are people too.

For those who do plan, character names aren't as important as you think. I got ⅔ through my second book and decided to change all the names, all of them. They're not set in stone. They can change. Unless they have a specific meaning, a joke, pun, or foreshadowing towards the plot (and it's vital, to you), it's okay to let it change.

You can only plan so much, my friend. Eventually, you will get to the point where you'll feel like living up to your own expectations is impossible. Some people need to plan out their whole book(s) and follow it to a letter, but not everyone is like that. If you get to a point where you're content in your planning, and you keep going, you've already started doubting yourself.

Try writing bloopers, little cut scenes in between scenes like a movie. It will help you set a voice in your head, get to know your characters and how they interact.

You don't have to write in order. You can write the end before you write the beginning. You can write little scenes that eventually make up your body. Just keep your ending in mind, even if it changes.

Remember, nothing is set in stone. Your mind is as free and flexible as any naturally occurring entity. You cannot force it into any set slab of stone or granite. It was created free, and trust me, it's not so kind when it's caged up with deadlines and expectations like an animal.

Set a date. Make a time to start and try to make a schedule that you can loosely reference as you get more comfortable.

Don't fret at the beginning. You will grow into it, grow with it, or grow to improve it.

Same with the ending, if it is not flowing, you have not laid a clear enough path. Go back after a full night's rest, or even a week's break entirely, and come back with fresh eyes. Find your plot holes, ask questions even if you believe you know the answer. Eventually, you'll notice a space where the stones are too far out.

Take breaks

Trust the process, and remember,

Practice is progress. Perfection is a concept.

Even the greatest novels have typos, printed thousands of times over. Even your favorite authors have had slumps.

[asinnersalibi]

I have done this and let me tell you, I wish to do it again

[asinnersalibi]

[asinnersalibi]

For someone who claimed they didn't like romance in the 7th grade I have subconsciously written waaay too many romantic subplots.

I did not realize today was tomorrow, murder has been postponed. Good day.