lexiconisfunny

[lexiconisfunny]

I’d be really good at being an adult, like damn I love new cookware, putting out random decorations, and complaining about the constant onslaught of minor inconveniences I face

[lexiconisfunny]

Somehow I get even worse stomach problems when I’m fully hydrated. That’s why I’m crossing the final step to becoming a fully fledged incel and only drinking Monster here on out!!

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Somehow I’ve almost finished high school, but my life already feels like it’s over. I need somebody to break out into song and convince me my life is barely starting.

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I think getting sick when it’s cold outside is a crime.

I have to wear a jacket and carry 1000 tissues and blow my nose every 10 seconds and then look for a trashcan like an idiot as my fingers freeze off bc I can’t wear my gloves?

no thank you.

[lexiconisfunny]

I always tell people when I think something is funny, but if I do that just know it wasn’t that funny. I was on the cusp of laughing. Try harder.

[lexiconisfunny]

You know what? I hate everyone. I’m such a hater. I have hateries and hatilleries. I’m so filled with hate I have hate-gasms when people do things I hate. In fact I’m not just a hater I’m a full on loather with loathair and loatheries.

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Why did nobody tell me almost fainting felt like that?

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I don’t understand why Halloween is on a Thursday. Halloween should happen every Friday of October. Then October 31st should be a national holiday where we all get to sleep. All day.

[lexiconisfunny]

I love when i get to go to the doctor so they can tell me to go to a bloodwork facility then come back so they can judge the results then go see a GI, the doctor i actually need to see to fix my stomach.

Like yes please, three extra steps before im cured!

[lexiconisfunny]

Im pretty sure smoke alarms used to have an important use.

[lexiconisfunny]

Sorry I haven’t made a post in a while, I haven’t logged on in a hot second to talk to the like, three people who follow me. I just wanted everyone to know that I’ve been suffering from what I believe is to be IBD. Insane Bedazzling Disorder. I mean, I haven’t eaten in days because I can’t open the bedazzled containers anymore. My pantry is starting to smell.

[lexiconisfunny]

Why the hell do we eat nuts, they’re supposed to be used to grow plants???

And they’re not even good, they’re nasty.

[lexiconisfunny]

Ppl who constantly talk about themselves in a negative way are just as much of a narcissist as people who constantly talk about themselves in a positive way.

I never want interact with a narcissist again. Unfortunately, I’m a narcissistic and I interact with myself everyday.

[lexiconisfunny]

I think we should kill off people who don’t have a personality by the time they reach high school. If you have zero hobbies other than “listening to music” and “hanging out with my family” you should be required to take a lethal does of Ketamine or find something you enjoy. Reading counts, but you have to like to talk about the books ur reading and actually read.

[lexiconisfunny]

Going to school gives the same vibes as going to Alcoholics Anonymous. A miserable experience full of people you don’t want to know anything about that reek of alcohol.

[lexiconisfunny]

I want a bromance so bad, my brothers friend just said

“you’re not the brightest of anything which is really hard to do. I’ve been there too brother”

And then they dapped each other up

It’s like the same way drag queens bully each other, but it was one person bullying themself and his friend.

[lexiconisfunny]

I didn’t fall from heaven, and I didn’t crawl out of hell, I tripped over my crocs while I tried to put them on this morning.