mysticwolfshadows

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"I want to be a dragon."

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Eventually, when Bruce is ready for the Batfam to be revealed, they bring the bit back. The meeting where Bruce is gonna announce his family and his identity, he comes in alone, listening to Diana give a debrief. Dick walks in 10 minutes late to the meeting, in the Batman uniform. Everyone stops, watches Bruce and Dick refuse to acknowledge eachother, and Bruce askinging why Diana stopped. 5 minutes later, Jason dressed as Batman walks in. Same deal. And over and over, with everyone. Tim. Damian. Duke. Stephanie. Cass. Eventually, they have what looks like an army of Batmen. Someone (Barry, Clark, Diana) eventually asks if Batman will explain. Bruce, very casually, goes "ah. Mitosis. One moment." And then leads the Batfam out to the locker room, where the rest of the fam changes into their (probably recognizable) normal costumes. They come back in, Batman sits with an army of teens and young adults. "There," Bruce says. "My children are as they should be." The room explodes in sputters and uproar. Since when are these other vigilantes (and a known crime lord) Batman's children?! Bruce tilts his head, casual as all hell, saying "Each one was all over the news" while pulling off the cowl. More screaming. Someone faints.

Continuing on my current “they would not fucking do that” bullshit regarding BFTC, imagine Batman has to go to a Justice League meeting and they decide that they don’t actually want to deal with putting up a façade of “our dad is alive, actually,” so ALL of them put on a Batsuit and go together, so there’s like 7 Batmen.

For comedy purposes, and also because Damian is capable of perfectly mimicking voices (which is a wild canon tidbit that is underutilized in both canon and fanon cuz ???), they have him sit in the chair and the rest stand behind him. So there’s this Tiny Batman with six much larger Batmen behind him, and the only explanation he gives is “mitosis.”

Honestly up to you how everything else pans out, but when Bruce comes back he’s absolutely baffled by his kids insistently telling him he has to tell the JL that he “fixed the mitosis,” and refuse to elaborate. He wishes they would elaborate themselves on why he has to do it, but honestly they’re all getting along which is better than he tends to hope for and he’s scared to ruin it

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Falling in love with Arthur proves to be easy. Getting Arthur to love him (he believes) to be impossible.

In the end, its actually Merlin who gets cursed/enchanted, and Arthur kisses him because Arthur, for once, is the emotionally aware of the teo and realized they loved each other ages ago but hadn't said anything.

Crack idea where Merlin realizes a True Love’s Kiss is one of the best cures to random curses, and he decides he HAS to fall in love with Arthur to make his life less stressful

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One of the higher ups, who used to work at the GCPD before transferring to Blud, takes a long lunch and scream vomits in the bathroom for an hour, because he remembers the original Robin, maybe age 14, hazing him and calling him lame because he had been working on a case for days, and Robin solved in 15 minutes. And then watched Robin do a triple back flip out a third story window, all while doing a little sinister giggle (the one from the Young Justice animated series)

More identity reveals in fic for Dick Grayson except it’s a reveal to his cop or detective coworkers. Let them find out they were hazing Nightwing himself when he joined the force. Batman’s protégé, Gotham’s original Robin.

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The best part is, it would actually work. Even if its pre magic reveal (to Arthur). Because Aithusa is just a baby. And she would be adorable and get sad if they didn't act like they were Dad and Papa, until they convince themselves they can pretend until she grows out of it. A week later, the knights find Merlin and Arthur making out in an alcove behind a tapestry.

Imagine the knights babysitting aithusa but in reality they just made two very shitty drawings of arthur and merlin hold it in the baby dragons face and say: that one is your dad and that one is your papa

Until she repeats it in her head

That's their genius plan to finally get them together

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But imagine the shinanagins with the Justice League. Like, they're doing a mission, and they get captured and all their stuff taken. And everyone is trying to come up with a plan, and Bruce is trying to come up with one without needing to do the cape thing.

Eventually, Bruce gives a 'I have a plan now but I don't like the plan' sigh. And he looks around and points to Clark.

Bruce: yours should do. give me your shirt.

Clark, confused: what? But why-?

Bruce: no questions. Shirt.

And Clark, very confused, pulls off his shirt and passes it to Bruce. And the League looks at Bruce like he's crazy when he uses the long sleeves of Supermans top costume piece to tie it around his neck, like a really short cape. And he reaches back, grabs an end, and shakes it violently until at least three of his kids pop out, suited up but doing various relaxation activities. Red Hood is reading, Tim is on his phone texting (probably Kon), and Damien is playing Nintendogs on a DS. Immediately all three scramble away like rats to get the JL, but mostly to get Bruce the Batman cape back, because they wanna go back to the cozy place.

The League stares the entire time. When they're back on the Watchtower, Batman with his regular cape, they get to watch as his kids just dive under him and disappear. Someone opens their mouth, but Bruce shoots them a patented Batglare, and they snap their mouth shut. Batman said no questions. There will be no questions.

So this low-key makes no sense but:

Bruce has a metagene. It is that any cape he wears has a pocket dimension. The robins have an uncontrollable urge to hide in it.

It doesn't even need to be a legitimate cape. He was playing superheroes with a besheet when he was seven, and he pulled a medieval battle axe out of it. The Wayne's have never owned a medieval battle axe. Alfred, Thomas and Martha were extremely confused and concerned about it's origins.

Yes, I know Bruce isn't a meta. But it'd be really funny if he was. Especially with such a specific, weird power. That's how he fits all the stuff in his cape.

Like, snacks, and weapons, and Tim swears that one time he saw him just make a whole motorcycle appear from it.

Dick was cold on patrol once, and Bruce opened his cape, and just thought nothing of the fact that Dick just disappeared into it, dismissed it as a result of a really heavy warm cape.

Dick found himself in a warm, cozy, dark place, and immediately decided to go there as much as possible. He then told Jason, who didn't believe him at first but then found himself in the pocket dimension and was like "fuck yeah this is awesome".

He didn't tell Tim, and Tim didn't feel as if he was allowed to ask Batman to hide under his cape even when he was cold, so it took several years of vigilante-ing before Tim figured it out.

Damian didn't really have any chances to hide in Bruce's cape before he was lost in time, the cape didn't work the same for dick, and by the time Bruce was back, Damian believed he was too old for such childish things as seeking shelter in his father's cape.

The robins just think that Bruce got his cape enchanted somehow, and just didn't care to tell them in typical Bruce fashion. Bruce has no idea about this and is just happy that his kids like him enough to feel comfortable with him during patrol.

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Generally, outliers are 1 or 2 that are statistically abnormal... There's like, 20 of those fuckers. They set the trend. The non Bat vigilantes just haven't dated an alien yet.

"All vigilantes date aliens" factoid actually just statistical error. Average vigilante dates no aliens. The Batclan, who live in a cave and only date aliens was an outlier and should not have been included.

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By some supernatural accident, Batman and Superman swap bodies. But the accident was just so embarassing that they collectively decided to NOT tell anyone about, and figure out how to reverse it all on their own. But, unfortunately, this means they now have to keep up this farce in front of their families

Clark, in Bruce's body, wiping some blood off his mouth and wincing at the 15 cracked ribs he now has: Guess I can bleed, huh

Dick, staring in disbelief after the patrol: YES OFCOURSE YOU CAN!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW YOURSELF DIRECTLY ON TOP OF A GRENADE-

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Bruce, in Clark's body, squinting at the bright smallville sun at the Kent farm: This is way too much for 11 am

Jon, staring at his newly grumpy dad: I think batman is a bad influence on you, dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clark in Bruce's body, staring at his reflection in the mirror: The shoulder to waist ratio is insane, such a grabbable waist

Poor Tim, who accidentally overheard this, getting ready to call Arkham: Uhuh it's definitely, insane

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Kon: And so I said, ofcourse, i would love the soup-er salad!

Bruce in Clark's body, deadpan expression on his face:

Kon: Get it? Soup-er salad?

Bruce: Yes

Kon, sad puppy expression: You always laugh at soup puns :(

Bruce, now with an Extremely Forced little smile: Yes it was very....funny

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Clark, in Bruce's body, rushing to hug a visibly bleeding Jason who walked into the cave after patrol: What happened?! Are you okay?

Jason, freezing up because the last time Bruce ran to hug him was, never:

Clark, immediately backing up, and speaking with a deliberately gruff voice: I mean. Is the blood yours? Son.

Jason:...no

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I've found, if you break the yolk just before you take the egg off the heat, you can still get the yummy runny yolk soaked bread flavor, but with less mess.

The thing they don't tell you about fried egg runny yolk is that if you put it in a sandwich it will be the best most delicious thing and you can mop up the egg with the bread, but in exchange you Will get so so messy and covered in egg yolk

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One of my favorite Merthur fics involves a scene where Merlin is with Arthur in a council meeting during Uther's reign and I remember so clearly, how the nobles are arguing about grain, and someone asks the room at large how many measures they have. And Merlin is the only one that remembers.

But its so funny, that you're right, and whenever Merlin fic writers need a boring arguing topic, its ALWAYS grain and wheat.

I saw a post a while ago that joked about how fanfic writers love to give characters non-specific paperwork when they need the characters to be bored or tired from a long day. They speculated it’s because a lot of fanfic writers are either very young, or typically not very familiar with the jobs they’re writing about. And now that I’m back into reading merlin fanfiction I’m obsessed with how the equivalence of this for Arthur is shit to do with wheat and grain. Merlin wants to know where Arthur is? Oh he’s probably in a boring council meeting about wheat yields. Why has Arthur had a long day? Well he was spending all day surveying the grain storage for the upcoming winter. Arthur’s been arguing with other nobles? Probably because they all want more of the grain grown on their own land. This man is micro managing every single stalk grown in the kingdom of camelot no wonder he never noticed merlin’s magic

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Bruce: your disguise is a pair of glasses?

Clark: yours is being stupid?

Superbat identity porn my beloved

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I love goofy de-aged shinanagins. And I wanna see more of it with the League and the bats. Especially when Bruce is involved. Like, just imagine, that the JL is on a mission, and Nightwing gets hit with a de-aging spell, and he's now 9 year old robin, and the League is just so confused and trying to figure out what to do, when suddenly, they're attacked from behind. Batman, reacting to the every so slight gasp of Robin confused and alone, rushes in like a feral animal, knocking down Wonder Woman, Superman, people he doesn't recognize. But he has to protect Robin at all costs. And he's so savage with his attacks, that when he swoops down on the tiny Nightwing, the league thinks for a second that Batman is gonna fight him to. Only, Batman scoops up the kid, and bolts, the kid throwing baterangs at the League from over Batman's shoulder. And now, they have to hunt down a compromised Batman and Nightwing, in a disaster zone or alien planet, and for some reason, the League feels like the ones being hunted.

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As Bruce fills the second box, they start discussing alternatives. This is taking to long. Maybe he could just sit this one out? No, cuz Batman is essential for the negotiation. Maybe they should just let him through anyway? But that would be against the policy! Someone, probably Clark, mentions that at lease Batman tried? And honestly, he'll probably still sneak something in, and Superman is technically a living weapon anyway, so...

Eventually, the hosts give up, and say Bruce can just come through now.

He asks if he can have his gear back, and Diana smacks him upside the head and drags him into the meeting.

sometimes i think about how in batman arkham knight, when he walks through the gcpd every metal detector goes off. it inspired me to think about just how many metal weapons the bat carries on him at all times, enjoy this:

The JLA on an off world mission, negotiating with an Alien species:

Unknown Leader: “Yes, I’m afraid this meeting is under a no weapon policy, so please deposit them here along with any other belongings” holding a large metal box

Ollie: deposits his bow and arrow, along with a knife strapped to his calf

Diana: following suit, depositing her lasso and sword

The others do as well, the box quickly filling with a range of explosives, swords, knives, handheld traps, etc.

Then it gets to Batman…

He was just going to ignore the order, keeping all of his equipment with him before Diana gave him a sharp look, he sighed-

He started with his batarangs, the team expecting him to move on once they were released from his utility belt, but instead he proceeded to pull 2 from his calves, 2 from under his boots, one across his chest (nobody knew that the insignia could also come off??), and 4 hidden under his cape along his back.

Unknown leader: Alright then, we may procee-

Batman released his grappling hook from the belt, along with 4 explosives, 2 smoke bombs, and an emergency flair, putting them in the box as well.

Barry looked at him with utter confusion in his eyes, yet also nodded, clearly impressed. He moved to turn back to the leader but was stopped when Bruce pulled out even more equipment.

He unhooked one ear of his cowl, pulling out 3 different lock picks, the other ear detached and and became a retractable blade. (no one knew how this was possible).

Just when they finally thought it was coming to an end, he takes out 3 more knives lined in his cape pleating, a can of shark repellent?, an inhaler (for Tim), a small tin of hair gel (for Dick), a snickers bar (for Jason), a glitter bomb (for Steph), weighted gloves (for Cass), sunglasses (for Duke, not because of his power but because someone will ask him about the power and he feels he needs the glasses to complete the look), and a juice box (for Damian).

The box is full, the team is bewildered, Bruce has the audacity to ask for a second box. The aliens audibly sigh.

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Me, when I predict a cliche trope coming up in a movie or show:

Me, when I predict a cliche trope coming up in fanfiction:

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Jason, in the middle of filming part 3 of "how to escape an old desert city": okay. I am surrounded. But I still have options. I can either fight these guys, or peacefully surrender, and try again later. And we all know I'm going to-

A commotion of screen, lots of yelling. Jason whips around, stares at the trio of figures. Batman, Nightwing, and someone in a Robin costume. The guys surrounding Jason go down. Just a shot of Nightwing and Batman having a stand off, staring at Jason, looking like they're looking right into the camera. Suddenly, they rush forward, the camera gets knocked away. Most people assume Batman and Nightwing attacked Jason. When the camera stops, it lands to show Nightwing and Batman hugging Jason tightly.

Jason, surprised: I... What? How...

Dick, crying: why didn't you call us?!

Bruce, also crying and breathing out in barely a whisper: you're alive... You're really alive!

Jason: uh... *Not sure what to do, looks around. Eyes look directly into the camera* uh, I guess I've escaped? Next week, uh... Tour of the Bat Cave, or Escape the Batcave, I'm not sure yet.

the family find out Jason is alive before he has the chance to come to Gotham as Red Hood because at 4am while searching for some random background videos to play while he worked, Tim stumbles upon the youtube channel that Jason’s been uploading survival videos to throughout his training at the LOA

Tim, not paying attention to the TV as he taps at his laptop:

the TV, autoplay enabled: “-part 2 of how to escape an old desert city, now I’ve been here for like two weeks but I got these magic swords now which is cool-“

Tim, slowly glancing at the screen and freezing:

“-also wanna say shout out to my little brother Damian, who demanded i put him in a video, so there we go, and also thanks to the commenter who pointed out in part 1 that around the ten minute mark there was some shadowy shape watching me in the distance, you were totally right and i took care of that fucker-“

Tim:

Tim: bRUCE-

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Taken - Zutara - Part 114

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Katara didn't want to give Zuko false hope. Hell, she didn't want to admit that it could be Ursa, until she saw for sure. But... But she wanted to believe.

She wanted to believe that Zuko's mother hadn't just abandoned him. That she hadn't left and forgotten about him and Azula willfully. Katara wanted oh so terribly to believe that Ursa had left the palace for a good reason, and had been meant to return for her children, only to be attacked or tricked by a spirit.

They agreed to go into the valley, insisted on it even, when Zuko sounded like he was going to go alone. They made their way into the treeline, trying to look for anything that was vaguely spirit-y. Which didn't take long. Because they started seeing faces on literally everything barely fifteen minutes in. Trees, animals, even rocks.

It was also pretty obvious something was happening, when Aang's face twisted in this weird grimace.

They pointed out various faces, wondering if maybe the face Aang was making was a hint. Eventually, they spotted a flutter bat that matched, and followed it towards a large pool. Aang moved to stare into the water.

"This is definitely it," Aang said, kneeling to reach out, but didn't touch the water. "There's definitely a spirit here. Or, at least, connected to this place."

"Can you call it here?" Zuko asked, and Katara felt a pang in her heart. "Just to ask a few questions."

She reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder. He reached up and laid his own on top of hers, squeezing with a gentle desperation.

"I can try," Aang replied, moving to a meditation pose.

Immediately, Katara was on alert. Every time Aang meditated, something bad happened. Hei Bei, Zhao. She turned to scan the trees. Sure enough, she spotted a bit of blue between the trees.

"I know you're there," she called out, making the other three turn to look at her in surprise. "You might as well come out."

After a beat, a older woman stepped forward. She was dressed in faded water tribe clothes, graying hair pulled into two braids over her shoulders. She looked tired, her hand behind her, holding onto another. A man stepped out with her, large and with slumped shoulders, a plain wood mask hiding his face.

The woman bowed her head, and introduced herself as Misu, and the man as her brother, Rafa. And they were here to look for the spirit that could grant Rafa a new face.

"So there is a spirit that can change how you look," Suki breathed, amazed.

Misu blinked. "Isn't... Isn't that why you're here?" Her gaze slid towards Zuko. "To ask a favor of the spirit?"

Beside her, Katara could feel Zuko stiffen. She reached for his hand, squeezing it tight, as she spoke.

"Not like that," Katara said. "We're here looking for information about a woman named Ursa. We think she may have seen this spirit at some point. We wanted to find out for sure, and see if the spirit could reverse it."

"We've been in this valley for many seasons, and have not heard of a woman named Ursa." Misu shook her head. "But why would you want to reverse it?"

"Ursa is my mother," Zuko said, voice barely a whisper. "And we think... We might have..." His head dropped. "But she..."

This time, Sokka reached out, placing a hand on Zuko's shoulder to comfort his friend.

"We think the price for the favor is memories," Katara explains. "That, when they get a new face, something is done to their memories. We're wondering if it can be reversed, so that his mother can remember him. If... If who we think is Ursa is really her."

"Oh," Misu breathed. "I'm... I'm sorry."

"Our friend is the Avatar," Katara said, gesturing to Aang. "He's trying to bring the spirit here. We'll make sure that you get to help your brother."

As if on cue, Aang stood up, and announced their visitor. The pool bubbles and forms like faces drifted on the surface. A massive spirit rose up, her body twisted like wood, and her head made of several faces, topped with horn like branches.

"I am the Mother of Faces," the spirit said, her voice seeming to echo around them. "From me, came seperateness. From me, came identity. And I have strayed from the path chosen by my wolf in deference to the Avatar. I shall grant a single favor."

Aang turned, grinning wide, until he noticed Misu and Rafa. The mask on Rafa's face. Katara turned to look at Zuko. His face was slacked with defeat.

"Great Spirit," Suki said, edging forward. "We were just... See, we want to ask you a few questions. But our friends here, they actually need your help. Could you... maybe do both?"

"Humans often come chasing after me," Mother of Faces said, voice dripping with disdain. "Begging for new identities. I put a piece of myself, of my very being, into each face I craft. I will grant one favor."

"We aren't asking you to give us new faces," Katara said, stepping forward. She felt Zuko's hand tighten in hers, as if to pull her away from the spirit. "In fact, we're asking that you restore old ones, if you can. I'm sorry if our request offends, but... But we know people that are hurting, and we only wish to ease their pain. If you will only grant one..." She glanced at Zuko, who closed his eyes and nodded. "If you will only grant one of our requests, then please, help Misu and Rafa."

For a moment, the spirit was quiet, before motioning the two northern siblings forward. Katara and the group stepped back, out of the way as Misu guided her brother forward, taking off his mask. The woman asked for the spirit to restore his face, and one of the large, narled bark covered hands wrapped around Rafa's face. After a blinding light, Rafa stumbled back, turning to blink at his sister. The two collapsed together, holding on with gasping sobs of relief.

"Now," Mother of Faces said, straightening. "Ask your questions."

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