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Ellen: So how's parenthood treating you guys? Henry: Good, but i didn't except this much crying. Ellen: Don't worry, that's normal for babies this young. Henry: What? No, the baby is fine.... I was talking about Alex. Alex: *sobbing from the nursery* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

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Henry, watching Alex drink coffee: Why are you making that face? Did someone finally poison you, or is the American coffee just that tragic? Alex: You put salt in my coffee as some posh little prank, but I’m gonna keep drinking it because I’m petty and I refuse to let you win.

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Achilles: Remember that time you dared me to touch that spiky plant? Patroclus: I never dared you to touch it. You said, "Do you think this will hurt?" and when I said yes, you said, "Watch this," and grabbed it anyway.

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Henry: What are you making? Alex: You’ll find out—it’s egg-citing. Henry: Please tell me it’s not eggs. Alex: Don’t worry, I’m really egg-cellent at this. Henry: I’m leaving. Alex: You’re just egg-noring my talents. Later… Henry: It was pancakes. It was bloody pancakes.

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Jacob: *carries all the groceries on both arms* Edward: *reaches out to help* Jacob: *switches all groceries to one arm to hold Edward's hand* Edward: That's not what I... okay

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Briseis: You look great Pat! You're going to knock Achilles socks off. Patroclus: I was hoping for a little more than that, but we can start there.

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mike: WHO ATE MY CHOCOLATE??? dustin: don't look at me mike: LUCAS, WAS IT YOU? lucas: *looks at will* will: ... lucas: it was Will will: LUCAS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL mike: oh, it was you baby? was it good? want some more?

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Briseis: Hey Achilles—woah, are you okay? Achilles, laying face-flat on the floor: Living is a curse and existence is a punishment. Odysseus: Patroclus went on a date with some guy. Patroclus, walking in: Worst. Date. Ever. It was so damn boring! Achilles, getting up: Life is a gift and existence is a blessing!

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Ellen: Why is Alex curled in a ball on the floor crying? June: He's drunk. Ellen: And? Nora: He heard that Henry is getting married. Ellen: Ellen: We're literally at their wedding reception right now. June, sighing: We know.

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after a quidditch match ron: mate, not that i mind it, but why did you throw malfoy off his broom? harry: harry: a healthy and positive spirit of competition? ron: harry: he was looking at your arse!

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Mike: hey Will! vibe check! *cups will's face and softly kisses him* Will: huhhgn???? Dustin: *shouting* HE DIDN'T PASS THE VIBE CHECK

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Harry: I am Harry Potter, the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived, I defeated Voldemort twice, and I— Harry: looks at Ron Harry: I am very, very gay.

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patroclus: ah, stranger. achilles was just telling me of orpheus. almost saved his beloved from the underworld armed only with a lyre. impressive. you play the lyre, don't you, achilles? achilles: y e s patroclus: and what did you do when you lost me, achilles achilles: d I E d

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Stefan, to everyone: If any of you so much as touch my hair, I’ll unleash the Ripper, drain you dry until your head falls off, and feed it to a werewolf. Stefan, to Klaus: *Writhing and moaning loudly* PULL. MY. HAIR. HARDER.

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drunk Henry: I'm in love with Alex Claremont-Diaz. Like he's so beautiful drunk Henry: you won't tell him right? Alex: Alex: I swear I won't

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Wylan: Jesper, can i ask you a question? Jesper: go for it. Wylan: what would you do if i sat on your lap? Jesper: i mean i don't really know. Wylan: *climbs onto his lap, straddling him* How do you feel? Jesper: *blushing profusely and sputtering* i- wh- no i- Wylan: it's okay take your time. Jesper: fuck you. Wylan: yes please.

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Jacob: I want to kiss you. Edward, not paying attention: What? Jacob: I said if you die, I won't miss you.