sparcola-blog

[sparcola-blog]

Seeing you again shall kill me so let me lay by your side and die with my pride in your arms.

@sparcola

[sparcola-blog]

bit graphic there pal

His lips looked as thin as a petal as the words he will soon learn to regret slipped threw.

Will you learn to love as I only dream to?

Will your fingertips trace words of silent adoration onto the blood red skin of another?Your breath drowning another into a battle of transparent terror,shame.

I wish for your eyes to inhale only stars and seas and your ears to be filled with hushed closed door confessions of devotion.

Screaming tendrils of my flaming passion will tempt me and I may feel brave.I may reach into the red flames to see how it feels as it bubbles the skin on my hands,I may like the feeling of the blistering flesh or it may be too much to bear.Am I willing to put it to the test?

To brush our lips like a poppy meadows petals brush in the wind,or would that be selfish,to touch you with my blood red hands that may in turn be too hot to touch your skin?

How much could you bear?

[sparcola-blog]

In time

He sits on a bed of lost hope.A false image of adoration melts away like a candle over a flame. Every second sliding past is making me lose my mind. Everything's beginning to make far too much sense.Every time something goes wrong a piece of him fades away like the mist over a mountain peak.Such lush beauty disguised by a haunting fog that brings with it only lost and dreams and fake passion.Fading with my sanity.

His skins dotted like a join the dots forming a picture of melancholy and his eyes as bright as his mind.

‘you have such pretty eyes’

Far too easy ,far,far too easy.

How predictable one can be may not take away from the charm they still possess in the palm of their hands.

Is the heavens as warm as your smile?Or is it hell that entices me so.

Take away his voice that calls with the gold of lust and the moaning of forever.Take it away and feed it to the lost.To the ones unseen and unforgiving.

Let him find beauty threw a intoxicated blur and spin.He is always more beautiful when im drunk.

Why is this?

Why does beauty become more apparent the less sane I become?

[sparcola-blog]

I never remember my dreams 

I don’t even know if I do dream 

but if I where to 

I know it would be of the sea ,washing its intoxicating cold over me

of the meadows that sway their poppy’s to the wind

and of your eyes staring into mine making me as warm as a summer day 

[sparcola-blog]

#3

It is 21:53 here. Autumn ,almost the end in fact ,how the year flew by so fast. I’m good ,my anxious behaviors and habits are coming back with a fierce vengeance trying to make up for lost time. They keep nipping at my heels the faster I run from them but there is only so long I can keep up this cat and mouse game before I get swallowed whole .Like a jelly bean ,a delicious jelly bean that my bad habits and self destructive behaviors like to chew down on until i’m nothing more then a indistinguishable mush of my former being. Anyway aside from that ive been doing fairly great my mind continues to play these scenarios of moments that I know will never become reality yet they keep me distracted from my own life and so I will continue to let it play out it fictitious fantasy's.As a add on to my statement I have gathered up a new  concocted crush as I like to call them,

they happen fairly regularly and mainly consist of me convincing myself I really like someone when I barely know them at all. Still havint discovered if they are bad for me or not.Most likely just another destructive form of procrastinating dealing with my real issues.But my god he is beautiful 

Rip

[sparcola-blog]

because it feels like you’re the only person out there who hears the things I say

[sparcola-blog]

Baby please be kind to me

with your champagne pop touch, cocaine eyes.petal lips

don’t break me apart darling

Let the tears that made whirlpools in my glazed eyes be faded memories of a love that was more pain then passion 

 Hold me to you unlike no other 

Grant me salvation from my lonely days 

Be mine and mine alone forever 

[sparcola-blog]

His fingers had a habit of getting wound up in my hair ,twirling it threw his index and thumb and then sliding his hand to rest gingerly on my shoulder. I have always felt uncomfortable under somebody’s touch.His hands would send shocks of fear and panic threw me like a bolt of lightening but then again I have always felt most in peace when im in danger. 

[sparcola-blog]

Sometimes the past creeps up on me ,it creates a crown of thorns on my head digging more sweet poison into my bloodstream the harder I try to escape it. Blood drips down my fingertips in my efforts to rid myself of the madness my regret brings.  Lustful passion in the form of violence,my mind will never differentiate the two.

-I dont know if I want to die or live forever 21:49 // @sparcola

[sparcola-blog]

#2

Its thirty six past ten on a Saturday night and I am currently sitting in my bed with only the thin material of my jumper keeping me warm. The silence is overwhelming ,its funny how the quite can make me feel so lonely but yet so peaceful. I don’t want to like being alone as much as I do, I find that this personality trait of mine can only lead to problems.

I am the happiest I have been in a while .Maybe that is why I haven’t been writing as much. I seem to only get inspiration to write when I am sad, it provides a place for me to scream without having to open my mouth.

 I think the best thing someone has ever told me is that they where the best thing to ever happen to me, I was told this last week by a boy I believed I was in love with . I wasn’t ,I was just sad . Two dangerous things to get complicated. When he said he was the best thing to happen to me I felt relieved in some way. I am so much happier in the way I am now and I would not want to go back to the way I was so no he was not the best thing to ever happen to me I am. 

[sparcola-blog]

Just because he loves you now doesn’t mean he will be the only one to.

stay frosty // @sparcola

[sparcola-blog]

I hope you fall in love one day, I know you will. She will make you so much happier then you could ever have deemed possible. It will be the type of love in which you will cherish at all times.The type that will make you feel like you have a full orchestra playing in your mind ,one of beauty. While every colour in the rainbow swirls threw your bloodstream dancing with the melody of your heart. She will make you so mad you feel as though you're going insane but you will care too much to let her go. Endless passion and spontaneous acts of care. She will love every inch of you just as you should love yourself. You will see the stars in her and she will see the moon in you. By that time you will have forgotten me.I will be just a spot in your memory,a fading glimpse of teenage infatuation. A short violin solo before you found your orchestra. You will have forgotten the promises you made and the hushed whispers we shared. You will find a love so much stronger then me . I just want you to be happy 23:32 // @sparcola

[sparcola-blog]

#1

Im not entirely sure as to why I began to write on this account.Perhaps consequence of a unutterable loneliness or a way to lay my scattered thoughts in words, in hopes that they make more sense before my eyes then they do inside my head. I shall remain unaware. Never the less I will continue to write about my painfully mediocre life as I don’t know what else to do. Alot has been going on in my head lately. So the real question is where do I start?

Nothing exciting has ever really happened to me ,like in the movies when they have those heroic acts of kindness or when they fall in hopeless sempiternal love. I am only young though living with the hopes of having one of these moments which is most likely the exact thing that is holding me back from having one of my own,as depressingly ironic as that is my expectations are higher then they should be.All I want is that warm kind of love ,where it feels like a symphony is playing threw my bones and colours would dance threw my blood. Though threw my younger years I was told to never lower my standards for anyone. This is undeniably the reason for my severe lack of interest in life and people,I have created a ocean of expectations around myself that will wash away everyone who attempts to get close to me with its harsh waves.Why do I do this to myself? 

to be continued // 19:54 Sunday // @sparcola

[sparcola-blog]

Everything I read is about getting your heart broken by that person who never cared. What happens when you are that person. The person who can’t handle a relationship no matter how much they try. Who cares so much but can never seem to do the right thing for the both of you. Who can’t share their feelings because they are so use to being alone that it scares them thinking about someone else knowing too much about you. Who cares more than anybody would ever expect but is too scared of the commitment. What do you read then?

- Confused 16:48 // (@sparcola)

[sparcola-blog]

“I would lay by your side enraptured ,my chest rising and falling like crashing waves.No words were spoken as nothing was to be said .It was as blissful as the summers warmth. How I miss that warmth more than anything.”

-Winter thoughts 15:03 // @sparcola