#"Signs of a nervous breakdown" | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lavender--fairy · 2 years

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The Nervous Breakdown

“The true vine (and what creates your circumstance) is your own wonderful human imagination. When you believe this you will no longer imagine as you formerly did, but will prune your thoughts every minute of every day*. You will break the habit of feeling remorseful, depressed, or regretful. You will no longer think unkindly about another, because you will know that he is actually yourself pushed out, and appeared in your world because the Father in you called him.” –* Neville "You are dreaming. If you try to make your dream come true while doubting its possibility, you are heading toward a nervous breakdown*. But if you go all out in your wonderful claim, you will fulfill it, for all things are possible to the God you are, for you are the God of whom the Bible speaks." -* Neville

I want to draw your attention to why people have anxiety in regards to manifesting. Notice what Neville says, "Doubting its possibility." This is true.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I had a nervous breakdown with practicing these teachings. Many of you think of me as a good teacher or someone who understands this information, but I am telling you, I have failed more times that I care to admit. I honestly feel that I have made every mistake Neville speaks about and some. Sometimes I read them and I laugh to myself because I remember when I did that.

What Neville is saying here is 100% true. Every time I had horrible anxiety about my desire, it was because of 2 things:

I doubted that it could come to pass. I desperately wanted it to come but I doubted it could. I lived on "hope" which made me feel anxious. Why did I doubt? Because I would tell myself all the reasons why it could not happen, it seemed "too far-fetched."

I looked to the outside all day long for signs or confirmation that what I want is either coming or is possible.

Now, this is thinking-of your desire. This is hoping it will come. Hope is a great thing. Hope is desire. But,

"hope deferred makes the heart go sick, but a desire fulfilled is the tree of life." - Pslam 13:12

Hope is your desire, but it up to you to fulfill it.

Now, let's look at the opposite. This is "thinking-from" your desire which will cause you peace and ease.

I know it will come to pass. I know it will because Consciousness is the only reality, and what I do in consciousness it will be duplicated here. You assume NOT for it to be so, but because it IS so.

I only look within for confirmation. It is my Word over everything. If I say I Am within, then I Am.

Notice in the first quote Neville says that remorseful, depressive and regretful thinking is habitual. It is. It truly is habit. There is not logical reason why you should dwell on past mistakes and past hurts all day long. It is habitual to think this way. Neville is saying you break this habitual thinking when you prune the vine. The best way to prune your vine is to assume a new thought and know it to be so. You know you have accepted when you feel the joy it brings or relief.

Now, do not mistake this for"faking" it. I am totally against the idea of "fake it till you make it." The reason I am against it is because there is no reason to. Anyone who tells you to do that simply does not know enough information on the Law.

You will not have to fake anything when you have a firm understanding on consciousness being the only reality.

When you understand these teachings on a deep level and the only way to get deep is to test it, you will be able to bring yourself into the States you want on command. Neville tells you this, that with practice, over time you will be able to change States (attitudes) when you want.

For example, I was at dinner recently, and I felt unconfident and I felt anxious to be there. I did not have time to lay down and do a meditation or induce a state akin to sleep. But since I have been doing this daily for a while now, I am able to change my feeling quickly. I am able with no words, change how I feel inside and I will act on it quickly. I went from feeling unconfident and anxious to confident knowing I can answer can questions and comfortable knowing I do not need approval from men, with no words. I can stop the anxiousness and switch it to what I want. There are times where it is more challenging and I do have to sit and contemplate on what is happening within me.

The more you test it, the more you start to trust yourself.

Again, it IS so. Not is will be one day in the future. It IS so.

Neville stresses that time and time again. It is that little distinction that can make a huge difference.

cr:Edwardartsupplyhands

#lavendiary #manifesting #manifestation #law of assumption #master manifestor #motivation #neville goddard #loa blog #loa motivation #law of manifestation #law #edwardart

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myhiraeth · 2 years

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rules: tag ten other people

name: britt(any)

gender: female

star sign: aries pride!

height: 5'3"

age: 33

wallpaper on phone: lockscreen: art of Circe that a friend did ; homescreen: a writing quote "I wish I wrote the way I thought; obsessively, Incessantly, With maddening hunger. I'd write to the point of suffocation. I'd write myself into nervous breakdowns, Manuscripts spiraling out like tentacles into abysmal nothing. And I'd write about you a lot more than I should." -Benedict Smith

house: Slytherin ;)

ever crush on a teacher: nope

coolest halloween costume: "three hole punch brittany"

90s show: boy meets world

have you ever been stood up: nope

favorite pair of shoes: a pair of black strappy opwn-toe heels

have you ever been to vegas?: I LIVE HERE COME VISIT ME

favorite book: oh god so many. Ink Exchange. Styxx (tw). Dance with the Devil (tw). The Sight. The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (tw). Scary Stories for Young Foxes (tw). The Secret Countess. Living Dead Girl (tw).

stupidest thing you’ve ever done: Oh god where do I start lol Idk probably when I was like 19 I liked a boy so much and was so loathe to stand up for myself that I ended up willingly stranded in a parking lot while said boy played pool with our friends in a pool hall I couldn't go into bc I'd forgotten my ID. Sad but true.

all time favorite shows: the office, dr phil (dont judge me I love drama) , tabatha's salon takeover

last movie you saw in theatres: I havent' gone to theaters in forever but the last movie I watched was Fresh

TAGGED stolen : @animadistelle // TAGGING: @headstrongblake @seudxnimx @survivormoves @noblehcart @yourethebeeskneez @pyrrhicmessiah / @starlightfreed @curaetive @seesgood @bctglrl @imnobodysson @acrobatick @chcmpgneprcblems and ANYONE WHO’S LOOKING AT THIS TAG YOU’RE IT if you want to be

#ooc. /

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itsrattysworld · 3 months

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Without Prejudice Mervelee Myers Quotes Southwark News Funeral For Late Great Man Of The Blue Russell Dryden To Experience Of Multiple Discrimination By Dr. Maria Hudson Policy Studies Institute Recommended To ACAS I Did A Voice Of A Child LEYF June O'Sullivan 2010 Equality Act Law Live In Bermondsey Homelessness Domestic Abuse How Did 32 Years In UK Left Me A Criminal Needing Emotional Regulation Treatment Because Of Miscarriages Of Justice Now A Violent Nuisance Abandon Rejected By Families Friends To Die Slowly Of Torture South London Press Nursery World Mag Sky News Mark Allen Group Darvell School Community Playthings UK Cancer Research Macmillan Cancer Parkinson's... My Images Intellectual Property Copyright CPPDP Harvest Build Brands Am A Writer Of Therapy At Launch Of A New Met For London Sir Mark Rowley Signed IN HONOUR OF STRONG WOMEN EVERY WHERE 1/7/2024

Without Prejudice Mervelee Myers Apply Being A Panel Member Of The Housing Ombudsman Service To Share Stories Of 32 Years Systemic Discrimination In UK Where A Calf That Was Mistreated On Public Road Gets Attention Than 101 Years Old Husband Arnold Ebenezer Tomlinson Traumatized At Alma Grove Neglected At Kings College Hospital NHS Foundation Trust Where I Had First Nervous Breakdown Assaulted By…

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#http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/#http://www.justgiving.com/Mervelee-Myers #http://www.justice.gov.uk/tribunals/employment/claims/responding #https://fght4justiceadvocacy.business.site #https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/#https://www.ryanclement.com #See https://www.facebook.com that think they can brainwash me ON THIS DAY 4 years ago Mervelee Ratty Nembhard is feeling emotional in Lond #United Kingdom. Shared with Public Thanks 1Son http://worldreferee.com/referee/valdin-legister/bio for bringing me back the Memories! Vald

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cinnamonest · 3 years

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About that last post though I tried to try to find a post to quote from it that I made a while back bc I was certain I posted it and it has come to my attention that apparently... Tumblr just swallowed the post?? I'm certain I hit "post" and it never actually appeared... Which was, in hindsight, likely an act of divine intervention for the sake of my followers and a sign from God that I should not subject y'all to my cursed thoughts but I am going to anyway bc I can.

The jist was that yes modern Scara would be neck deep into incel culture, and bc of last post I'm adding Xiao too. Definitely 4chan users. Xiao in particular thinks his problem is that he's short and not that he cannot speak to a female without nearly having a nervous breakdown, because that way he can blame the women for being shallow. Gets unironically angry over hearing girls say they only date 6+ feet tall guys.

Scara does too bc he refuses to acknowledge that maybe just maybe his reprehensible personality is the issue. That kind of echo chamber would poison anyone's mind so yeah he doesn't hold very nice views on the... other half the population... he watches hardcore porn bc he gets off watching the girls get brutalized. He likes to try to forget that the girls on screen consented to it. With the way they squeal it's easy to pretend otherwise.

Believes that the people in history had the right idea with the whole housewife thing. Unironically believes in government-assigned property women.

He would be extra aggressive though. Especially when he finally does find some lil qt. A little ray of sunshine type of girl, one that sits next to him in a class in uni that he ends up partnered with, or maybe a cashier at the place he's forced to go to everytime he has to crawl out of his messy, dark, solitary living space, like an animal forced from it's den by hunger to search for food, but in his case groceries.

She actually smiles directly to his face?? It makes him red in the face and uncomfortable and he tries to push all the intrusive positive thoughts about how cute she is away by reminding himself she's definitely a whore, being that cute, probably has some tall buff boyfriend and still cheats on him with a hundred others. You can never trust girls, they always look sweet but they never really are. She's just trying to look sweet to cover up the... Whorishness.

She's too happy. No one should be that sweet. It gets under his skin how she smiles and is sweet to him. Always waves goodbye. Giggles too much. Ugh.

Anyway, ultimately he would end up latching onto it and snatching her up. See how much she can smile and be sweet when she's scared and whimpering. Thankfully all that violent porn gives him some ideas. Bc she has to be punished for... Existing... And being female... And other similarly very serious offenses.

#govt assigned woman darling when??#.sc

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mooncademia · 4 years

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Caught in Love

PAIRING ~ Aizawa x reader

GENRE ~ fluff

SUMMARY ~ After getting a job offer at U.A, your love life w/ Aizawa has officially transferred to school. And you loved it.

But wait...something is different about Class 1-A homeroom teacher! And it has definitely caught a few suspicious eyes.. who may or may not have an idea up their sleeves to satisfy their burning curiosity.

First day working at U.A, you realized that you didn’t have to wake up at your usual morning alarm at 5:30 a.m.

Ah yes, the pro hero days of waking up super early, going to the agency, giving Aizawa (who continued to sleep beside you) a peck on his cheek before you left were now over.

And instead, you were introduced to a new routine.

A fresh one.

However, things weren’t going to change that fast, after all, you’ve been pro-hero for years! And your sleep cycle has stuck to your 5:30 a.m alarm and Aizawa, your husband, did not appreciate that.

“We are going to work, together!” You squealed as you flung open the blankets that covered you and Aizawa. You hopped out of bed and shook his shoulder, making Aizawa mumble a groan.

You kissed his cheek passionately and ruffled his messy raven-black hair a little bit.

“Come on,” you said. “Wake up, I’m going to make some coffee.”

Aizawa turned to the side to peek at the clock on the bed side table. He let out another groan when he saw the three digits.

“Y/N, it’s literally 5:34 a.m. You just need to be at U.A at 8 and we don’t live that far.”

“Yeah, well,” you said with an exciting smile. “You can never be too prepared!”

You scurried out of the room and turned on your coffee machine in the kitchen. Aizawa turned around and saw his bedroom now empty. His wrinkled long black sleeve was bunched up to his waist and he frowned as he got up this early for the first time in months. You knew your husband was a rationally-driven man, sometimes a lone cat who prefers privacy and waking up a lot later. But what you didn’t know was that when Principal Nezu asked him if his wife could teach at U.A after All Might retired, he was thrilled.

So despite it being before 6 a.m, his excitement was bubbling over that it made him finally leave the bed.

But of course, he had to play it cool. With rational excuses, right?!

“Well, I guess I do have to review the school schedule with you,” he mumbled as he palmed the back of his neck and walked out of the bedroom.

When you saw your husband slumping down on the dining chair with his half-lidded eyes, your heart immediately flipped and you poured a nice cup of hot coffee for him.

You knew him well enough that he didn’t wake up this early in the morning for no reason. You set the cup on the table and leaned down to give him a peck on the corner of his lips as a gesture of gratitude.

But at the very last second of pulling away, Aizawa got the best of you and wrapped your waist with his strong arms, causing you to sit down on his lap—santa lap style.

He hugged you warmly and you slung your arms around his neck. Aizawa snuggled his head between your neck and shoulder and sighed blissfully with his eyes closed. You laughed with your head tilted slightly back.

Yeah, he definitely was not a morning person.

After much time of Aizawa discussing you about the school system for the millionth time during breakfast and almost having a mental breakdown of whether or not you could actually teach (we all have those moments, right?), you were on your way to U.A.

And it really took your breath away.

The school was located on the top hill in Musutafu with the whole neighborhood revolving around it. Glass windows seemed to reach the sky and when you realized how freakin’ big the campus actually was, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the building, not even a second.

But that wasn’t the best thing of all.

Because the best thing was having to walk to work with your favorite (and sometimes most annoying, but you love him nonetheless) person beside you. It was like having your best friend as a partner for your science project in high school. Ease poured over you as you found it quite pleasant to have a strong arm to lean delightedly upon, a familiar face that peers down at you with a gentle smile, and a reassuring voice to tell you that things will be okay.

It was still an hour before class but you and Aizawa were—of course—there early.

The two of you were walking down the halls. Sooner or later you’ll have to let go of your arm that was crossed with Aizawa’s before entering the teacher’s office because one thing that you both agreed upon was to keep the relationship low-key. No one knew that Aizawa’s wife was going to be the new teacher at U.A except for some of the faculty and of course…Hizashi Yamada, aka: the loudest person in the world in Shouta’s opinion.

“Y/N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Present Mic shouted when he saw you step into the teacher’s office. His blonde hair that was religiously shifted upward was too iconic to not be noticed from far away. You giggled at the sight as he threw his arm around his best friend, Aizawa, poking him teasingly on the shoulder. You were great friends with Hizashi and in fact, he was the one who introduced you to Aizawa in the first place.

“Oi, Eraserhead, you’re so lucky your wife goes to work with you,” Hizashi teasingly snickered with his arm still slung around Shouta’s neck. Aizawa tried to shrug him off but it only made him tighten his grip. “So they managed to get Y/N to teach here but they haven’t even implemented my great idea?!”

“Please no, Mic.” Aizawa groaned, trying again to pull away from Hizashi’s grip.

You sat down your bag. “What’s your ‘idea?’ ”

Hizashi let go of Aizawa’s neck and casually slung his arm around yours, making you giggle in surprise.

“Well of course it’s my HERO FM radio! Every Friday from 1:00-5:00 p.m!” He announced proudly (or more like promoting) making you laugh even more as Aizawa facepalmed himself. “I told the staff that they should let me add one more day, you know, because of my great increasing popularity! But they said one day a week is already “enough,” he said letting go of you to make air quotes with a disgusted expression on his face.

“Get to work Mic,” Aizawa called as he headed towards his desk to gather up some assignments for his morning class.

Hizashi winked at you before he trotted off, throwing you a thumbs-up sign. “Get ready for some ‘strict Aizawa-sensei.’ One day during U.A fest, I wanted to hear Class 1-A perform but Aizawa kept on saying that I should be on patrol duty—“

“Which you should’ve. It was your shift.” Aizawa interrupted bluntly.

“But I just wanted an INSEY WINCEY listen!!” Hizashi stomped on his feet childishly which made Aizawa roll his eyes and let out a sigh.

You went to your husband and stood on your tippy-toes to land a small peck on his cheek. Aizawa blushed at your move because of the fact that you two were in a semi-public place, but he didn’t complain at all.

“Oh, don’t worry.” You seductively caressed his shoulder and gave him a charming smile as you leaned in deadly closer to his face with your hips arched a bit. “I can’t wait to see… what Aizawa-sensei is like.”

Your tone was silky smooth and you rolled out the last word so slowly that it made Aizawa’s mouth part open just a bit. He stared at you dumbfoundedly. Your eyes flickered down to his lips and he swallowed a gulp. He felt like Cupid just shot his heart and he was totally falling for you once again because the fact that you called him ‘sensei’ totally did not make his stomach or heart heat up.

Yeah…he really was goddamn lucky to have you work at U.A alongside him.

———

“Overall, ‘Plus Ultra’ doesn’t always necessarily means you need to exceed your limits physically. But it also means mentally. It’s how your brain exercises to solve complex situations. What are your strategies like? Are you saving those who need saving in quick time while doing minimal damage to your surroundings? I hope next week’s practice can allow you to exercise these brain muscles of yours that I reviewed today because listening to your thoughts and being mentally stable/prepared is more important than how powerful your quirk is. Listen to that hero gut instinct of yours, because at the end, especially in dearest times… it’s going to help you immensely.” You finished with an encouraging smile that made the class almost want to clap at your amazing class. You were glad to see their engaging faces and raising their hands when they had a question.

Class 1-A was truly remarkable. Though, the only student that left you curiously wondering about was the small boy with purple balls on his head because he seemed to be staring at you so intensely that you swore his eyes were bugging out of their sockets.

Aizawa bowed at you when you finished and you gave him a smirk.

The class began to exchange small chats as you bowed back to Aizawa.

“Wow, I think this teacher is really good! She’s so pretty and smart!” Ashido excitedly whispered to Tsuyu behind her with her eyes widened.

“That’s pro-hero for you,” Kaminari added with his index finger and thumb pointed high up. “Plus, she even made Aizawa-sensei stand there awake the whole entire time listening.”

Some of the classmates nodded eagerly in return, truly astounded that their homeroom teacher did not retreat to his traditional yellow sleeping bag that he usually does.

“Thank you L/N-sensei,” Aizawa said, popping the class back to the board ahead. You bowed at him in return, but before you headed out, you saw Aizawa gave you the tiniest nod and wait…was that a smile creeping on his lips?!

You exhaled silently in relief. You have been so nervous and worried about teaching at U.A. When Principal Nezu offered you the position, you were shocked to even know that he had you on his mind. You previously thought that Aizawa proposed the option but that guess was quickly diminished when he told you that he had nothing to do with it.

You were just a pro-hero doing your job and when the amazing opportunity arose, you immediately accepted it, knowing that you deeply wanted to help students find their way to hero-life.

And Aizawa knew you had been nervous about U.A since accepting the offer. You have stayed up countless nights just reviewing paperwork, going over the school schedule many times, and even looking through practice exams from the past, thinking about what further lessons you can teach to these students.

You folded your lips and returned a small nod, eyes twinkling as you slid the door to head out.

The class truly captured the small moment you and Aizawa had, but then all shrugged away when they heard their homeroom teacher begin handing out today’s assignments.

As you trotted away from the class back to the main office, you smiled at yourself as you hugged your folders tighter to your chest.

Hm… I could definitely get used to this.

———

Days seemed to go by faster than you had expected.

Wake up (sometimes not that early anymore thanks to Aizawa hugging you down even after your 5:30 alarm rings), enjoy breakfast, head to U.A, teach, and then go back home with Aizawa (when everyone else is —of course— away).

You’ve had your ups and downs at U.A. Some days, work seemed to flow by very smoothly while other days, work was more than just grading papers or checking assignments. There were a few days where work overloaded and you and Aizawa will be staying up past midnight checking over paperwork. But it was times like these where you truly felt utmost grateful to have a mentor there to help you. And it was even better that your mentor was your favorite person in the world.

It has been ten days since your first day at U.A.

Which means: ten days Aizawa not sleeping a wink during your long lectures about hero work that he already confidently knows. And to some of the classmates who knew their homeroom teacher well enough that his yellow sleeping bag was his best friend, it was a bit…odd.

“Don’t you think it's weird that Aizawa-sensei stays awake only during L/N-sensei’s lectures?” Uraraka asked Kaminari on their way to the Lunch Rush.

“What do you mean?” Kaminari shrugged and chuckled. “It should be weird that a teacher sleeps during class in the first place, right?” He grabbed his food tray excitingly, his eyes focused closely on it, clearly not noticing Uraraka’s suspicious tone nor mischievous eyes.

Tsuyu popped in between with the two and let out a sigh. “Boys……You have to read in between the lines. Uraraka’s right.” She snapped her finger perkily. “Aizawa-sensei is not just awake but he’s seemed very engaged to L/N-sensei.”

Kaminari stared at Tsuyu and Uraraka obliviously as he sat down with the rest of the classmates. “Huh?”

Uraraka rolled her eyes. “You know! From the way he nods his head when she talks or oh! That smile?! I have never seen his lips tilt upwards besides haunting us on how difficult practice exams are going to be.” She tiredly sighed, thinking about her teacher’s wicked smirk every time a huge exam was coming. It was like he found pleasure in challenging the students to surpass their limits.

But Tsuyu and Uraraka knew that Aizawa’s expression when you were in the room wasn’t that wicked grin that he had when announcing an upcoming exam or event. Instead, it was a mixture of awe and sincerity. And it definitely made the two girls exchange some giggles and fun guesses.

“What’s up?” Jirou said, sitting down beside Tsuyu with her cafeteria tray, noticing her friends laughing loudly.

Uraraka leaned forward on the table to peer over at Jirou. “It's about Aizawa-sensei and the new teacher!” Her voice was loud enough that it caught the other classmates’ ears, making her furiously blush afterward from her spontaneous excitement.

But of course, of all the pairs of ears in Class 1-A, there was always the one come rushing in when it’s about his favorite subject: women.

“L/N-SENSEI?!” Mineta’s ears visibly perked up from Uraraka’s gush, clearly engrossed with the topic of the new teacher. “She’s SO gorgeous and oh lord, her—“

“Quit it, Mineta.” Kirishima slapped the back of Mineta’s head beside him before he could finish his lewd statement. He hooked his arm around Kaminari with a giant smirk plastered on his face.

“Why don’t we find out, huh?” Kirishima proposed as Kaminari tried to wiggle his way free from his grasp.

“Hey man, watch your grip!”

Uraraka waved her hand to dismiss Kaminari's racket and stared back up at Kirishima. “About what?” She asked curiously, taking another bite of her rice.

“Girls…” Kaminari mocked sarcastically with a sigh, mirroring Tsuyu’s earlier comment that she made on him. The two girls rolled their eyes and punched his shoulder.

Kirishima leaned into the group closer with slyness flickering in his eyes. He grinned and bopped his head at Jirou. “We can find out if there’s anything special between Aizawa-sensei and L/N-sensei…using Jirou’s quirk!”

Jirou scoffed and leaned back with her arms crossed before Kirishima could continue. “Uh, you’re using me to get info about our homeroom teacher’s private life? That doesn’t sound very friend-like to me if I say so myself.”

“Come on Jirou,” Kaminari whined. “It’ll be fun!”

Jirou raised her brows and sneered. “Since when did you get interested in this?”

Tsuyu shook her head and waved her hands, dismissing the rising chaos. “No, you’re right,” She said, trying not to show her disappointing face. “It’s not fair to just use Jirou to grab juicy news about our teachers, you know…even if it can be so great to the point that it makes us cheerful and excited despite upcoming exams.”

Uraraka bobbled her head up and down, religiously agreeing to everything Tsuyu had to say with a pout on her lips and closed eyes. “Or it can even help us lift our spirits.”

Tsuyu nodded. “Even if it is just a tiny bit, it can-“

“Alright, guys! I get it! Fine!” Jirou said over Tsuyu, earning grins from the boys and giggles from the girls. Jirou sighed and pinched her nose bridge. She looked up at her friends and darted a death glare at Kirishima and Kaminari. “I’m only doing this for the girls.”

It was half-true. Jirou didn’t want to agree to this for the boys. But another reason was because of school lately. With heavy workload that the whole class was dealing with, plus the hero-work after school and training, school has been…well, quite draining. And similar to the time where the whole class decided to hold a competition for “best dorm room” last year to raise everyone’s spirits from the whole villain chaos, she thought maybe this can raise spirits up again too. Even if it’s just miscellaneous curiosity or excitement. She knew and sensed that her friends needed something exciting happening, besides school work.

So the plan that Kirishima introduced was to head over to the teacher’s lounge at this moment during lunch break. Since it was merely the beginning of lunch and there was still a good 45 minutes left, it was the perfect time for teachers to be on their desks with students the last thing on their minds. Jirou can place her earphone jacks in the wall to hear the voices inside to retrieve any news from the two teachers.

“And if we got nothing, that’s totally okay as well.” Kirishima shrugged. “We can always try next time!”

“NEXT TIME?!” Jirou exclaimed uneasily, twirling her earphone jacks. “Let’s just see what happens now, and focus on next time later.”

“All right then!” Uraraka clapped her hands excitingly and bumped her shoulder against Tsuyu’s with a beam. “Mission: FIONA starts now!“

“Fiona?” Kaminari raised his brow, getting out of his seat with the rest of his friends.

Uraraka pointed her finger up in the air pridefully. “Find-Info-ON-Aizawa. I couldn’t think of an acronym for ‘ON’ so just leave it together and you’ll get—wooah!”

Jirou and Tsuyu locked elbows with her and dragged her away before she could finished, followed by Kirishima and Kaminari trotting behind their footsteps.

“If you keep explaining it’s going to be Mission: GIT!” Jirou sneered, giving Uraraka’s elbows a good tug.

“GIT?”

Tsuyu smirked as the five of them head towards the teacher’s office. “GETTING INTO TROUBLE!”

———

Lunch breaks were times where you and Aizawa could finally heave a sigh of relief and chat with each other freely. You were happy to work at U.A with Aizawa because now since work schedules were parallel, you could efficiently have the time to hang out with him. When you were pro-hero at your original agency, you’ll often come back home with no trace of Aizawa since he was still in school working on students’ assignments till late evening.

But now, you had all the time in the world to chat with him. Okay maybe not all the time, just an hour and a half, but it was definitely enough for you.

Aizawa was sitting next to you on your desk, nodding along to your talks about your recent lectures with other classes as he gave some advice on teaching.

You let out a wistful sigh and rested your head on Aizawa’s shoulder. You closed your eyes and let out a hum. “Thanks for helping me through all this. I can’t believe teacher work is this much.”

Aizawa let out a puff of air and smirked. He peered down at you from the corner of his eye. “So are you gonna apologize for all the times you were scolding me for not coming back home early?”

You shot your head back up with your eyes widened and a jaw exasperated dropped. You knew that Aizawa was joking from on his tone but you pressed your hand on your chest and squinted your eyes at him, giving him a death glare. “Excuse me? Uhm, sir, I don’t think that’s fair. And besides! All the hours you were gone, I really really missed you and-“

Aizawa leaned forward, a hand snaking to the back of your neck, taking you by surprise as he crashed his lips against yours. You were completely shell-shocked that your eyes stayed open the entire time. Sure, you have kissed Aizawa a thousand times before, but he rarely made the first move. And oh did your heart fluttered!

Aizawa pulled away with a smile dancing on his lips. “And I really missed you too.”

Before you could open your mouth to respond, you heard a loud gasp from outside, making you unconsciously turn your head towards the sound.

A muffled voice transmitted through the walls. “KEEP IT DOWN, KAMINARI!”

A female’s voice? Or was it a boy?

More muffling voices continued and you couldn’t really understand it, but one thing you knew for sure was that there was someone outside.

You twirled your head back to Aizawa. His face hardened and got up from the chair, walking towards the door.

“SH- ! HE- COMING!” A familiar voice echoed through the walls that you could only capture words of.

Aizawa finally opened the door and looked to his right.

Caught red-handed.

All five students were crunched down to the ground. With Jirou’s earplugs on the wall with Uraraka and Tsuyu beside her, plus Kaminar and Kirishima hovering right above her not missing any detail she was saying, Aizawa knew exactly what was up.

“Shouta? What’s wrong?” You asked, making your way to the door when you saw his cold expression.

You sucked in a breath when you saw the scene to your right.

“RUN!” Jirou shouted but it was too late. Aizawa immediately caught the five of them with his trusty gray scarf so fast that you swore you didn’t even notice it. His scarf rolled all five up into a bundle individually so that their arms were glued to their sides.

All of the students heated up from shame.

“Soooooo……..” Kaminari mumbled weakly, trying to make the matter less intensive. “Are you two dating..or..something?” His voice squeaked higher and higher as Aizawa’s brows got deeper and deeper.

You knew you had every right to be mad that these students who were invading you and Aizawa’s privacy, and you should! But to your surprised, your offended emotions were quickly replaced with a comical one as you saw all the students’ ducking their heads in shame, darting their eyes away from Aizawa’s hardened glare.

Ah well…they would’ve found out sooner or later.

You let out a chuckle. Aizawa turned his head at you with his eyes widened, not knowing that you would be taking this matter so lightly. But you returned him with a kind of smile that immediately released the tension of his grip and the eyebrows on his face.

The students perked their heads up in confusion from your reaction, and you flashed them a smile as you snaked your hand behind Aizawa’s back.

“Dating? Hmmm…,” you said, a lopsided smirk dancing across your lips.

“I think it’s a little bit more than that.”

And with those words, Uraraka and Tsuyu couldn’t help but squeal in delight despite still being bonded. Kaminari swore he never felt this wholesome since getting accepted into U.A, and Kirishima—on the other hand—twirled his head away from you and mumbled with his eyebrows furrowed in great passion: “…He’s so manly!”

And Aizawa? Well, he definitely looked at you in surprise for being so open, but no less than a second, he felt a warm breeze rushing through his body.

Your laugh after seeing the students’ reaction was the most beautiful sound he has ever heard.

It always has been.

And hearing that made him feel like hey…

Perhaps people knowing wouldn’t hurt! And maybe it’s because he just loved you that much, or maybe it’s that fact that he realized, that no matter if his class or the freakin’ public knows or not….

Nothing…absolutely nothing, is going to disrupt the beautiful relationship the two of you have.

#aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa shouta x you #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa #bnha aizawa #bnha x reader #bnha #mha x reader #mha #shouta aizawa #shouta aizawa x reader

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asocial-inkblot · 3 years

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"I don't understand why people think Azula has schizophrenia." Because it is the only way to explain the symptoms of comics!Azula's mental illness & her resulting behavior. For I personally thought she had a stress induced nervous breakdown before reading the comics, which are sadly canon no matter how much we complain about it until Bryke say otherwise.

You're completely right, Anon. There is no evidence in the original series that Azula's behavior near the end of the series was caused by a schizo-type illness (there are multiple). We saw, at most, one psychotic episode over a prolonged period of days to weeks. The pages of the comics don't even deserve to wipe someone's butt, and took the events from a few episodes during an intensely nerve-wracking period for Azula, to mean that she's cuckoo-loco Lady Macmeth. If these so-called fans really want to armchair diagnose her that badly, they should at least pay attention to the flaws we actually see her have throughout the series. In no particular order:

1. Perfectionism: This can be a symptom of OCD and low self-esteem.

2. Lack of directness with those closest to her when wanting something from them: This can be caused by a hidden anxiety around direct conflict or a desperate desire to acquire a necessity, but not wanting to come across as overly demanding because you were taught to never ask for or expect anything.

3. Going above and beyond for a family member you don't owe jack to, all things considered: This can be caused by a sense of unquestioning obligation to your family because you're hopelessly attached to them in some way, or think one of them in particular may eventually come to appreciate you if you give that person everything he/she has ever wanted on a golden plate and don't even ask for a coin back.

4. Admitting one of your deepest insecurities and agreeing with the idea that you may have been unworthy of love even from one of the few people who should have loved you unconditionally, in front of peers who aren't even trying to sympathize with each other or you: A sign of abandonment trauma and seriously wanting someone to converse with about your hardships but knowing at your core, or believing, that you have no one, or just not wanting to come across as weak because you've been conditioned to try and avoid feeling or letting your emotions control you, by your family, culture, society, etc.

5. Smiling when something terrible happens to a sibling or "mocking" them while warning that their life is in danger: Easily due to being young/mentally underdeveloped and not fully aware enough of your surroundings and circumstances yet to understand the severity of the situations. It could also be that the child has put on a front to defend itself from harm by proxy even when clearly alert and afraid, and maybe has convinced him/herself that this is how s/he truly feels or should feel. (Or two very biased people are imagining her doing some things she didn't quite do.)

6. Killing someone during battle as soon as the opportunity presented itself without a second thought: A sign that a child soldier has been so perfectly groomed for war, to the point that killing a (power-charging) enemy and watching their lifeless body fall to the ground, is seen as just another day in their life and not something to consider for long. (It should also be noted that she was defending herself and her brother and fulfilling her nation's most yearned for wish, and that the enemies (who just so happen to be mains) she (and Zuko) were fighting, were fighting hard. It was Aang or her.)

Btw I didn't make that original comment/quote, but I did agree with it and the rest of that post.

#Submissions to me #Azula #Ableism #Bad writing #armchair psychology #rarely a good idea but it doesn't have to be harmful #mental illness =/= evil #Azula probably isn't that mentally ill though if at all.#Has Lady Macmeth been used before?#I kinda hope not.

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ckneal · 3 years

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You know, when they brought in the lance of Michael in season 12, the very first thought to pop into my mind was, “Raphael deserves a raise.”

Because this weapon that, to quote the episode, “kills the bad ones fast, and the good ones slow and painful,” sounds like a nervous breakdown took place. It sounds like wounds were still fresh. Lucifer had been locked away, God had stormed out, and Michael turned around to find that Gabriel had run away in the dead of night with the words “EAT A DICK LOSERS” left scrawled on his bedroom wall, and Michael lost it.

And yes, I do think that Michael had Gabriel on the mind. Because think about the implications of what the spear does, what Ramiel, Prince of Hell, and divine weapons enthusiast, tells us about the lance: It was made by Michael, who only ever wanted to kill one angel, and he wanted them to suffer.

Note the key word: want. First assumption? They’re talking about Lucifer. But that doesn’t make sense. Why make a weapon that would kill the bad ones fast if the goal was for Lucifer to suffer? The lance only makes sense, by Ramiel’s assessment, if it was made for someone else. Someone Michael was angry with---very angry with---but was not outright “bad.” And what other angel might have gotten under Michael’s skin?

It is my belief that Michael made the lance to take out Gabriel. In season 5, he says that he does not want to kill Lucifer, and I believe that that is true. Michael booted Lucifer from Heaven because he had to. And he believed that killing Lucifer was his destiny because he had to, because God told him it was so. But he and the other archangels were also alive to see the Darkness sealed away, and Lucifer take on the Mark, which we know alters behavior. And as such, Michael might have on some level, despite Chuck’s assertions that Lucifer was pure evil, not seen Lucifer as being entirely at fault for his own moral alignment.

But then Gabriel left. Gabriel chose to turn his back on the family, and their father’s plan, and he did not have the same excuse that Lucifer did. All the other angels in Heaven were terrified of showing any hesitation with their duties. And yes, Lucifer was an example, but I think that Michael turning rabid over one of his closest brothers running off on his own might have backed it up. And mind you, I do think that Michael got over this anger after it’s initial incitement, but in the heat of the moment, he wanted to. . .And I think rumors spread from this moment, rumors that even reached the depths of Hell, about Michael locking himself away in a room, where he proceeded to work himself into a rage that shook Heaven itself. And you know who must have kept Heaven running when Michael was in there? Who promptly dropped everything the second that door finally creaked open?

RAPHAEL.

And even though angels don’t need to sleep, I fully believe that Michael had all the signs of someone who hadn’t slept in forty-eight hours. Circles under the eyes, hair’s a mess, and a dazed expression, like he doesn’t quite know where he is. And in one hand, Michael was holding this new, terrifying thing that he’d made.

And Raphael just approaches him like, “Hey, Michael, what do you have there?”

Raphael reads the inscription on the hilt, that empowers the lance and relays what it does, as per Crowley’s assessment in season 12.

“Oh. That’s certainly. . . um . . You know, why don’t we put this someplace really special. If you’ll just let go of it—”

Raphael reaches out into the hallway and grabs Virgil by the collar, Virgil being very confused because he hadn’t even been standing in the hallway at the time. Raph shoves the spear into his hands and hisses, “HIDE THIS IN THE DARKEST CORNER OF THE ARMORY. NOW.”

And then Raphael turns back to Michael, saying, “You know what humans just invented? It’s called chamomile tea. Let’s get you some.”

#i'm just saying no one else had to deal with this shit #poor raphael #before there was adam there was raphael #brother's keeper #michael needs therapy #they all need therapy #and raphael deserves a raise #my thoughts #supernatural michael #supernatural raphael #Gabriel #the lance of Michael

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that-fandom-pan · 4 years

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Obey Me OC Profile!

Finally decided to post something myself here! Here’s the profile of my Obey Me OC, Rulgrodath.

Name: Rulgrodath

AKA: Ru

Birthday: Jan 13th

Zodiac: Capricorn

Favourite colour/colour scheme: Black, green, blue and silver

Scent: Ocean – seaweed, sea salt.

Height: 5’3’’

Voice: Strong but pretty quiet most of the time, very sarcastic when she’s angry, ranges between alto and soprano tones because of her music career, if she’s talking and she wants someone to hear, they know about it. Her voice is loudest when she’s angry, but she tends to go very quiet beforehand, and speaks through gritted teeth before she blows up.

Eyes: Yellow with a slit, catlike pupil

Hair: Dark brown, reaches about ¾ down her back, has a slightly lopsided fringe parting

Body:

Demon form: One pair of large black feathered wings with an iridescent sheen of green and blue, two sets of horns, one curling down either side of her head and two sets of horns, one curling down the sides of her head, one sticking up, green and blue scales on her temples, jaw and neck, long black green and blue feathered tail, black feathers around her shoulders and neck, usually wears a set of black gloves with two sets of finger armour on the index and middle finger of her right hand, black leggings and tank top (occasionally a black dress).

Human(ish) form: very skinny, no horns or wings, still has the scales, wears the same finger armour as in her demon form but without the gloves, hoodies or fluffy jumpers and leggings or sweatpants depending on how she feels, and a necklace Levi bought for her at a Comic Con as a sign of friendship.

Obsessions/habits: Can have severe body issues at times as it reminds her of how she died, this is what most of her breakdowns are based on, very protective of people she cares about, can overthink a lot, if nervous she’ll either bite her lip or mess with her hands (e.g. tapping, wringing her hands, cracking her knuckles), if she’s wearing a necklace or jewellery she’ll mess with that or her hair, will absorb herself in music or games when she’s upset, can verbally and emotionally blow up if she’s pushed too far, is also pretty self conscious about her height as compared to most demons she is very small due to her originally being a human.

Sweet spot/Sensitive place: Top of her head and behind her ears - she will start purring like a cat, very ticklish, will punch or try to freeze whoever is tickling her unless they are very close (e.g. Mammon, Astro*, Hiris**).

Talents: Musician, very talented vocalist, good at comforting people when they're having bad days and cheering them up, not afraid to stand up for herself and other, can be quite terrifying at times, notices small details pretty often, can read body language and pick up on details of a person's attitude, personality and actions

Faults/sins: Envy and Pride, as those are what killed her, severe body issues, has a tendency of putting others above her own wellbeing, inner conflict of wanting to be perfect and knowing that is self destructive, a bit of a people pleaser,

Special skills/powers: Water magic, calming voice.

Music taste: Very wide, varies from jazz/swing to modern pop, film and game soundtracks to classical music, rock to musicals. The only kind of music she doesn't particularly like is reggae.

Personality: Kind, a little overprotective, a 'mum' friend to anyone she cares about, not afraid to speak her mind, will stand up for others, tough outside, soft inside.

Nicknames: RuRu (Mammon), Treasure (Mammon), Player 3 (Levi), Water Witch, Ice Queen/Ice Witch/Snow Witch, White Witch

Backstory key points: Grew up in a family of musicians, was heavily praised throughout her life, grew envious of other musicians she thought were better than her, which led to her practicing almost constantly with no breaks. Died of starvation, dehydration and exhaustion. Was reborn in the Devildom as a demon of Envy and Pride. Met Levi at a Comic Con - they literally ran into each other, Levi in Lord of Shadows cosplay, Ru in Female Henry cosplay on her way to perform on stage, they bonded after the performance. Stayed in contact online for a while before meeting up in cosplay a few times, then to hang out as friends. Levi eventually brought her back to HOL to play games, where she was introduced to his brothers.

Animal theme: Feathered dragon/bald eagle

Relations to other characters:

Lucifer: Heavy dislike because of how harsh he can be to his brothers, especially Mammon. Will tolerate him though. Will quote musicals and sometimes Shakespeare to casually insult him. Will only lash out if he says something that might hurt someone, as a reminder that maybe he shouldn’t be so tough on those around him.

Mammon: Love interest (ignore this if you don’t like OCs shipped with canon characters). Bonded after she first came home with Levi, she saw how, despite being talked down to by his brothers, he kept supporting them no matter what insults they threw at him. Very supportive of him and comforts him whenever she can.

Levi: Best friend (one of), was the first of the brothers she met, thinks he's funny and likes it when he starts rambling about things he likes, joins in at times, wants to help him with his insecurities.

Satan: Mutual respect for how much they both annoy Lucifer. Happy to talk about books and musicals with him. Tries to reassure him that he is not Lucifer 2.0

Asmo: Best friend (one of). Gossip, music and shopping buddies. Likes spending spa days together. Very supportive of her whenever she has a body image breakdown. Tries to calm her down when she's angry at Lucifer, but won't physically get in the way.

Beel: Friends, he makes sure she has food if she's going through one of her body image episodes (was told by Mammon and Asmo), tries to comfort him when he's worried about what's happening between his brothers. Will frequently bake things for him and his brothers.

Belphie: Like Satan, mutual respect for how much they annoy Lucifer. Happy to lie about and just chill with him.

MC: Mother figure. Very protective of them and will defend them from anyone who wishes them harm, including the brothers. Makes sure they're alright as much as she can. Has a pact with them so they can call her whenever they need her.

Diavolo: Respects him. Understands he has a lot going on so will give help when asked, but most of the time will leave him be. Very grateful towards him due to him helping her get settled in the Devildom when she arrived after her death.

Barbatos: A little afraid of him because of his time related abilities. Tries to keep on his good side as much as she can.

Simeon: A bit of a fan, since he's the author of TSL, one of her favourite series. Holds him in very high regards, very happy to talk with him. Has offered to collaborate with him if he needs music for future films/episodes.

Luke: Considers herself a bit of a mother figure to him. Looks after him when he's upset, happy to bake with him as much as he wants.

Solomon: A little skeptical of him, considering the 72 pacts he has with demons and his magical ability. One of the few people she struggles to read.

Astro*: Best friend (one of). Will team up with her to stand up to Lucifer. Protective of one another, will gladly cause chaos together.

Hiris**: Best friend (one of). A little jealous at times because she still has some family, but overall similar relationship as between Ru and Astro. Will gladly try to satisfy her curiosity and listens to her stories a lot.

Role: Student, vocalist and musician at multiple clubs

Family: None, doesn’t know what happened to her human parents or siblings after she died, barely remembers them at all.

Extra facts:

Will use her water magic both to help herself and others to calm down after a bad day and also to trap anyone she wants to 'talk' to - will freeze their legs and shoes to the ground so they can't move (usually Lucifer or people who decide to verbally or physically attack one of her friends)

Will buy Mammon or Levi something from Akuzon without them knowing whenever they've had a bad day to cheer them up

Will cause water based inconveniences targeted at Lucifer if she wants a more subtle way of annoying him after he's given someone (usually Mammon) a too severe punishment - e.g. burst pipe in his bathroom, frozen drink when he's starting to overstep his boundaries (even when she's not in the room, has a codeword with Mammon for him to send to her if he ever feels like Lucifer is talking down to him too much), bucket of water is accidentally knocked over and it spills on him, water goes cold when he's having a shower and will not reheat (Lucifer knows its her but has no way to prove it as she's never actually seen doing it unless she wants to be seen, only MC, Hiris and Astro know that Ru has the HOL pipe system memorized so she knows which pipe goes to which room)

Most presents she gives that haven't been bought on Akuzon are either made with her water magic or tickets to concerts she has managed to get through a few connections (the latter is usually for Levi)

Can and will come up with the most creative insults she can

Is an ace at rhythm games

Has sung duets with Asmo/accompanied Asmo on several instruments

Hates horror movies

Always carries two flasks: one of water so she always has access to something to use for her powers, and one of pineapple juice to help soothe her throat.

Has let Asmo style her several times for concerts - including the time with the suit and corset.

Loves swimming

Is bisexual

Ship facts (please disregard this if you don’t like OCs shipped with canon characters):

Often persuades Mammon to do shows/concerts with her as a way to make him feel better and to get back at his brothers

Mammon has persuaded her to do multiple modelling sessions with him.

Also uses the concerts she knows Mammon will be watching as a way to flirt with him - has worn a suit and corset with heeled boots to do this before.

Has kissed Mammon on stage multiple times.

Has Mammon saved as MonMon on her DDD

*Astro belongs to one of my friends (will update if I find them on Tumblr)

**Hiris belongs to @storypanda88

#obey me #oc #obey me shall we date #obeymeoc #rulgrodath #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #otome

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onefite · 7 months

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10 Common Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown

10 Common Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown Introduction Feeling overwhelmed or having a tough time coping? You’re not alone. Many of us go through periods where it feels like the world is crashing down around us. This state often signals a mental breakdown, a term that describes a period of intense mental distress. During this time, managing day-to-day tasks can feel impossible. By understanding…

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#"Adult ADHD symptoms"#"Agoraphobia symptoms"#"Anxiety disorder signs".#"Anxiety symptoms"#"Bipolar disorder symptoms"#"Burnout symptoms"#"Depression symptoms"#"Emotional breakdown symptoms"#"Mental breakdown recovery"#"Mental breakdown symptoms"#"Mental health disorders symptoms"#"OCD symptoms"#"Panic attack symptoms"#"Post traumatic stress disorder symptoms"#"Psychological distress symptoms"#"PTSD triggers and symptoms"#"Schizophrenia symptoms"#"Signs of a nervous breakdown"#"Signs of mental illness"#"Stress symptoms"#"Types of mental disorders and their symptoms"#Anxiety #Depression #EmotionalHealth #MentalBreakdown #StressRelief #Symptoms

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wifeofbath · 4 years

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There are a lot of references and quotes in Fragments, and I decided it would be a good idea to put them all down in one place. Originally, I was going to add footnotes, but I thought they interrupted the flow of the story (also, this is a fanfic, not one of my term papers!). So I made a special page here.

“Imp,” he begins, relieved that his voice has not been stolen too, “I am looking for my heart.”—One of Anastasia’s nicknames, shvibzik, is often translated as “imp.”

“She’s a big bow-wow, but she’ll help you.”—One of Maria’s nicknames was “fat little bow-wow.” Ouch!

“All of us kiss you.”—Letter from Anastasia to Nicholas, March 7, 1915

Before Ivan can say anything, she gathers up her skirts and makes a mad dash for the cherry trees.—The setting of Russia’s dream vision of Maria is inspired by Chekov’s The Cherry Orchard.

“My darling beloved, how are you?”—Letter from Maria to Anya Vyrubova, January 12, 1918

“Do you want me to go to Sverdlovsk, sir?-- In 1924, Yekaterinburg was renamed Sverdlovsk after the revolution leader Yakov Sverdlov. It became Yekaterinburg again after the fall of the Soviet Union. In 1960, the Ipatiev House was still standing, hence Khrushchev’s desire to keep Russia from going there, lest the sight of it brings up unwanted memories.

“That American pilot?”—The U-2 Spy Incident

“Olga’s having a little bit of a hard time, but I am doing all right.”—Olga eventually had a nervous breakdown during her time as a nurse. It occurred to me rereading that this is the first time one of the girls’ names is used in the fic. It was unintentional, but I think it’s a sign of Russia’s memories growing stronger.

”The lady waits for him in the middle of the pond, a statuesque beacon wrapped in white fur.”—See Viktor Vasnetsov’s painting Snegurochka and this photo of Olga and Tatiana. I don't call Tatiana the Snow Maiden, but that's essentially the role she fills in Russia's dream.

“The trees are beginning to blossom here now, it’s very beautiful.”—Letter from Tatiana to Nicholas, April 27, 1916

“When did it bloom?” and “When I look at a solitary oak”—Tatiana quotes two poems by Alexander Pushkin, “The Flower” and “Thoughts”, respectively. Olga and Tatiana were named after the sisters in Pushkin’s Eugene Onegin. Olga was the poetry nerd, not Tatiana, so it is a signal that it’s time for Russia to go.

“In the distance, he spies a dazzling white palace situated atop a pebbly beach.”—Livadia Palace, favorite summer retreat of the Imperial family and the location of the Yalta Conference.

“He finds the princess inside sitting in front of a large painting.”—Why is Olga the Princess and not Tatiana? Part of it is because Olga was the eldest and the other is a reference to Olga’s patron saint, Princess Olga of Kiev.

“The painting is a haunting thing. A tsar, his eyes wild with terror and grief, cradles the body of the son he has just struck down in a fit of rage.”—Ilya Repin’s Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581.

“Only love.”—From Olga’s famous letter, “Father asks me to tell all who have remained loyal to him and those over who they might have influence, that they should not avenge him, for he has forgiven everyone and prays for them all; that they should not themselves seek revenge; that they should remember that the evil there is now is in the world will become yet more powerful, and that it is not evil that will conquer evil – only love.”

“Give patience, Lord, to us thy children…”—Prayer copied in one of Olga’s notebooks

“It swells into an egg, gilded and covered in red enamel.”--Can’t have an experimental, dream-like introspective fic of Russia’s relationship with the Romanovs without bringing in Fabergé’s eggs. Some fusion of the Rosebud Egg and the Imperial Coronation Egg is how I imagined Olga’s egg.

“That woman who said she was one of your princesses? Is she real?”—America is, of course, talking about Anna Anderson.

“What are you doing, Alyosha?”—The Dostoyevsky references run wild in this section. The use of Alexei’s nickname and Russia’s name (instead of Vanya) is a reference to The Brothers Karamazov.

“All the sisters send greetings to you.”—From Alexei’s last letter to his friend Kolya Derevenko.

“I am building a little monument for myself in the woods, since no one else will do it.”-- In 1912, when he was dying from one of his hemophilia attacks, he told Alexandra, “When I am dead, build me a little monument of stones in the woods.

“It is better to be unhappy and know the worst, than to be happy in a fool’s paradise.”—Dostoyevsky, The Idiot

“On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love’?”—Dostoyevsky, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

“Inside is a large golden egg.”—Fabergé’s first Imperial Easter egg, the Hen Egg, although that one was white, not gold and much smaller than Russia’s egg. The surprise was a little gold hen, a pendant, and a crown.

“Inside is a crown.”—The Russia Imperial Crown.

“May I be damned! May I be damned!”—Ivan the Terrible after fatally hitting his son, “May I be damned! I’ve killed my son! I’ve killed my son!”

“Lord, forgive me for everything!”—Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

“You and I both know I have not been batyushka for a very long time.”-- Batyushka and matushka, often translated as little father, little mother

“Do you remember when my birthday was?”—Nicholas’s question and the comment about Job are from a conversation he had with Peter Stolypin.

“All my pretty chickens and their dam at one fell swoop.”—Macbeth, act 4, scene 3

“Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith the Lord.”—Obadiah, chapter 1, verse 4. Alexandra and Tatiana read this verse during the afternoon of July 16, 1918.

“Oh Vanya. Poor Vanya. ‘You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again’.” He kisses both of Russia’s cheeks. “‘Life will bring you through.’”—Dostoyevsky quotes again, the first from The Brothers Karamazov, the second from Crime and Punishment

“Here a cedar…”—Poem by Vladimir Mayakovsky, after visiting the Romanov burial site in 1928

“I am too old, and I loved you too much.”—From The Brothers Karamazov, “I am too young, and I’ve loved you too much.”

“But Russia did not throw himself down in a canal or the path of an oncoming train. He did not shoot himself.”—Shamlessly stolen from Anna Karenina, book 8, chapter 9: “And, happy in his family life, a healthy man, Levin was several times so close to suicide that he hid a rope lest he hang himself with it, and was afraid to go about with a rifle lest he shoot himself. But Levin did not shoot himself or hang himself and went on living.”

#hetalia #aph: russia #ivan braginsky #romanovs #otma #anastasia

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ladyquietus · 4 years

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Henlo~ I’m still new to the game of ‘Obey me! Shall we date?’. It’s been a long time since I’ve written stuff like this including stories so I’m a bit nervous. English isn’t my first language either so I hope you don’t mind with grammar mistakes ^^*

-I hope it’ll bring comfort-

**How the brothers’ treat a depressed MC**

Lucifer

Is always busy looking after his brothers and assisting Diavolo but always find time to spend time with you.

Never leaves your side until you get better.

If ever he gets the chance for a clear schedule, he’d spend the whole day with you rather than taking a break for himself although he doesn’t mind.

He’d let you sit on his lap and just hugs you while caressing your head.

Whispers soothing and comforting words.

He doesn’t mind that you’d cry and get his chest wet.

Loads of forehead kisses

Listens to your problems wholeheartedly

Makes you tea and wraps you up in a blanket like a burrito.

Makes a hot bath for the both of you to soak in.

Always attentive to your needs

“You’re with me MC, I won’t leave you. You’re not alone, we’ll get through this.”

Mammon

He’d try his best to set aside his selfishness and puts your health and happiness first. Except, buying things that you like for your likes and comfort.

Plans a day for both of you to go out and enjoy such as the beach.

He gets easily worried and flusters over when you’re quiet or teary-eyed.

Lots of couch cuddles while watching your favorite shows or movies

He won’t let the other brothers interrupt your time together, want to be the only one who’ll make you feel better.

Gives you space if you ask for it but stays in the same room so he’d come to you whenever you need him.

Butterfly kisses

If another person is one of the cause of your pain, he’d swore threatening curses at them.

Keeps bringing you tissues whenever you’d cry.

He’d give you foot massages

You thank Mammon for his care

His response: “Don’t misunderstand MC, I’m only doing this because I’m your first (cue blushes) I’m the great Mammon after all so only come to me whenever you’re troubled”

Leviathan

Has played a lot of games that also involves mental health so he knows what to do.

If you need stress relief- he’d let you play a violent game.

Let’s you sit between his legs with your back leaning on his chest while you play.

Plays your hair while you game

Both of you would spend most of the time holed up in his room

Back neck kisses

He’s patient with you and is understanding with your problems, some relating to his own.

Holds your hand the entire time when you talk

Searches online for convention tickets to surprise you

Orders bufo egg milk tea for the two of you.

“How you feel I know MC. Deafest this and win, We will.”

Satan

Boi he knows everything.

But he’ll try to understand your feelings more so he could perfect his ways of comforting you.

He’d take you to a cat cafe to cheer you up with cats and coffee

In his room, he’d cradle you on his lap while gently rubbing and patting your back as you cry.

He would quote comforting and loving poems

Like Mammon, if he hears another person who caused your pain- he’ll get angry and irritated but calms down for you.

Peck kisses

He’d analyze your problems and helps you in solving them or conquering them.

You’ll rest your head on his lap on the couch with a blanket before the fireplace, caressing your hair while reading a book to you.

Has always a soft spot to you that no one has seen so he’d pretty much spoil you with care.

“The best way to predict your future is to create it” He quotes Abraham Lincoln, whom is one of the humans he finds admirable.

“I want to spend my future with you MC, let’s create it together.”

Asmodeus

Doesn’t see your situation as a sign of weakness

Is really glad that you chose him to spend some time with and a shoulder to cry on

SPA DAY

Literally wants you to take a break, it ain’t good for your skin honey.

He would wear bathrobes or pajamas with moisturizing face masks with you while he listens to you talking about your problems.

Silently uses a bit of his magic on you to make you learn to love yourself but soon wears as your love to your self grows.

Cheek kisses

Touch cuddles: in which you both would lay in bed, facing each other. Asmo’s arm draped on the top of your waist, your hand on the side of his face. Both of you would be communicating deeply in each other’s eyes.

Fixes your disheveled state and would cunningly steal kisses

Always reminding you that you’re precious and you matter every time.

“You’re already beautiful inside MC, what’s wrong with recognizing that you’re beautiful on the outside too?”

Beelzebub

Becomes sweeter than dessert itself when he notices that you haven’t been yourself lately.

Lots of surprise back hugs especially whenever you cook or wash the dishes as a distraction, he’ll never get tired the scent on your hair and neck.

Sometimes get worried so he follows you secretly whenever you’re alone to make sure you’re always safe.

He’s your ideal partner for stress- eating (even when he’s not stressed, he won’t make you feel alone).

Visits your room or him inviting you to his with loads of snacks- majority of it are yours even though you can’t finish it.

Earlobe kisses

His body is big and warm, perfect to cocoon yourself in his arms during cuddle sessions, makes you feel safe and secure.

Buys or tries to cook your favorite food then he’ll deliver it to you wether your in your own bed or in his.

Spoon feeds you

Whenever you’d cry, he’ll kiss your tears. He likes the saltiness anyway.

He’ll happily workout with you if you want to distract yourself.

“Seeing you like this MC makes me feel worse than starving, you always make my heart feel full. Now, I want to do the same.”

Belphegor

He notices that you have been sleeping longer and heavier lately and not emitting the exciting energy that you used to have.

He observes you before finally asking what’s wrong.

You’d open up to him in a breakdown then he’ll hug you tightly, letting you finish.

Despite you being the big spoon all the time whenever you two would sleep, you were a bit surprise when Belphie became the big spoon.

It was very comfortable, he feels soft that it made you forget your worries and troubles.

Lots of pillow talks, he’d even lend you his favorite pillow- not minding that it got stained with your tears.

Nose kisses cause he finds you adorable

He won’t let you sleep alone anymore, not caring if you both sleep on his bed or yours.

Spends most of his time staying in with you, probably best when the weather is blue and you both have coffee or hot cocoas in hands.

He would do everything he can for you to feel better, he misses your warm energy.

He’ll give you lots of head pats while honetdlt showering you with compliments.

“I now understand why Lilith did that to someone she loved MC, I’ll do the same to you too.”

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kirishwima · 5 years

Note

seeing as you are still up for requests... could I get the boys reactions to finding out MC retricts food & shows signs of an eating disorder (undiagnosed but this kind of behavior has been going on for several years). It's perfectly fine if you don't want to write it, if you're uncomfortable with that topic! I don't want to pressure you into anything and I'm glad for the content you've written so far either way

hey! i don’t mind, i’ve dealt with ednos for years and it’s not something that ever fully goes away, but i feel that talking about it and being open is something that really helps.this is triggering content however, so please be warned, and don’t read it if hearing about eating disorders and behaviors triggers you!

YOOSUNG:

* This boy loves to cook. Loves it! He’s always been looking forward to cooking for his future partner, isnisting he’ll always add a dash of love in every meal.

* So when he sees how little MC eats of his home-cooked meals he feels...disappointed, to say the least. Is it because they don’t like his cooking? They find it too salty? Too spicy?

* He’s too embarassed to ask at first, but after trying out different recipes and still seeing the same response from MC, he asks them about it.

* They just insist they don’t eat much in general, but that they tend to have a lot of snacks throughout the day and that that’s the reason why. Yoosung doesn’t really question it, since it’s true that he’s not with MC 24/7-it’s completely logical that they could be eating whilst he’s not home and being too full by the time he comes back to eat a full meal with him.

* Yet...something doesn’t add up. Even though MC insists they’re constantly snacking, there’s never anything missing from the cupboards, and at night they always insist they can’t eat any more-yet after looking closely at their patterns for a whole day, he swears he barely saw them eat much of anything!

* Eventually he gets worried and sits MC down to properly talk to them about it. He says how much it scares him to see them like this, and how he can see the impact this dietary lifestyle has on their health-how they seem tired and dizzy far too often, and how much it can impact their mental health too.

* He doesn’t expect MC to breakdown when he talks about it all-but seeing them explain through tears to him that they realise this behavior is wrong, but it’s something they’ve been doing for years and have no control over breaks him. He had no idea MC was struggling so much, even thoug they’ve been living under the same roof...

* He hugs them tight, kissing the top of their head as he promises he’ll help them work on it. He has no clue how, and has to ask for a lot of help from the RFA to find a good therapist for MC, but from then on he’s always sitting with them through meals, helping them slowly increase their portion size and distracting them when they get too anxious over what they’re eating. He’ll help them fight through this, together.

ZEN:

* He’s honestly always home late, and whenever he asks if MC already had dinner, the answer’s always yes.

* Yet, when he goes to the fridge to grab some leftover food to eat too, he notices there’s always far too much for MC to have also eaten-not unless they made a triple portion, which he doubts.

* When he asks them about it, MC insists they just made too much food. Soon after though, he notices that the portions do indeed decrease, and that it seems like they did eat-pies would be cut and a piece would be missing, or cutlery would be left in the dishwasher to be cleaned the next morning.

* Yet something nagged at Zen. Call it a premonition if you will, but he simply knew something was bothering his beloved, and he felt that their troubles and the food in the fridge had something to do with one another.

* He’d notice their nervous habit of gripping their collarbone between their thumb and index finger, how they’d stare at the mirror often and trail their hands down their sides with a frown-he tried to sneak up on them each time, wrap his arms around their waist and give them a kiss on the crook of their neck, reminding them how beautiful they look, but he’d be always met with a roll of the eyes or a huff, MC genlty pushing him off of them as they swtiched back to their normal self.

* The last straw came when one morning he asked MC if they wanted to jog with him-they said yes, and yet as soon as they neared the park and prepared to run, he turnt to say something to MC only to find them falling to the floor, squatting down with their head resting on their knees as they took deep labored breaths.

* Zen immediatly picked them up, taking them to a bench to sit on so he could take a proper look at them, notice the paleness of their skin and the sheen of sweat on their forehead from the hot summer air. He gave them some water yet they still shook, their colour turning an almost sickly green.

* He was about to call the hospital when MC stopped him with a shaky hand, telling him that it’s their sugar levels acting up. With a confused frown, Zen dashed to the convinience store across the street, getting a dozen bars of chocolate and a sugary drink and running back to MC, opening the drink for them and forcing them to drink a few gulps of it.

* When they settled down and seemed better, Zen was furious. But more than that he was worried. What happened? This isn’t normal, did they not eat anything?!

* MC gulped down their anxiety and came clean to Zen-told him about their eating habits, how they kept torturing themselves with a constant need of control, how they’d skip meals and over-work themselves with exercise.

* Zen’s heart broke. His MC was going through this all? And he never noticed?

* He swore to help them get through it. He tried to be there for every meal, calling them if not, and tried to show them how fun a correct healthy lifestyle can be. He’d reming them of how much he loved them the way they are everyday, and will never stop telling them so until they start to believe it themselves.

JUMIN:

* He of course learns about it as soon as the chef informs him that MC is either refusing meals or asking him to not cook them at all.

* He’ll waste no time in talking to MC about it, reminding them how important a healthy lifestyle is, and how he can take them to meet his nutritionist for a custom-made meal plan tailored to them and their needs.

* To say he was not expecting MC to break down at that is...an understatement lol. He’s immediatly by their side, holding them close to his chest as they cry and explain how it’s not a matter of meal plans or lifestyle-it’s something out of their control, how getting food in them terrifies them, how they know it’s not right or healthy but there’s this sick sense of power from controlling their hunger in this way.

* Jumin isn’t able to process all of that right away-instead he’ll sit MC down on the couch, his hands wrapped around them as he asks why they’d need to have this control they insist they need over their body.

* “My love, you’re wonderful the way you are, and I fell in love with your mind, bosy and soul. It hurts to even think that you don’t see the beauty that’s in you. However, this is more than just a worry over your appearance, not when you mention how you need to feel this ‘control’ as you say. This sounds far deeper...I think it’d be best to seek out professional help about it. What do you say?”

* He’ll find the best therapist with a specialty on eating disorders for MC to have sessions with, and he himself will sit down with a nutritionist and learn all there is to know about how to help MC recover-how eating frequent small portions helps, how they can start slowly introducing foods they’ve been labelling as ‘bad’ into their diet for variety, and so on. He’d then transfer this ifnormation to their chef, and make sure MC receives each and every one of those meals.

* He’d make absoloutely sure to be with them for at least three meals a day. He’d refuse to leave for work until they have breakfast together, would visit MC at their workplace or ask them to join him at the office for lunch, and have dinner with them back at home, messaging them frequently to remind them to have snacks inbetween meals.

* He’ll never stop reminding them of how much he loves them, and about the amazing things their body can do, quoting facts he heard from doctors and the internet. Hel’ll make damn sure MC knows just how amazing they are, no matter what.

SEVEN:

* This boy...he has such a shitty lifestyle lmao

* He’ll forget to eat so often, and his diet pretty much consists of junk food and soda, yet thanks to the work out he gets from missions, this dude always looks fit, and MC...they love him, but it hurts to always be comparing themselves and the amount of food they eat to their boyfriend.

* It’s a secret competition-they try and find out Seven’s eating patterns, how much he’s eaten in a day and what, and force themselves to eat less than that, no matter what

* Well, no matter how busy Seven may be, he’s always looking out for his dear MC, so it doesn’t take too long for him to realise just what they’re up to

* He’s heartbroken, and initirally thinks he might be the cause of it-has he made MC this way? Have his habits made MC think they should follow suit?

* He’ll sit them down and talk with them, ask what’s up, why they’re doing this to themselves-he might come off as agressive at first, but that’s simply how he shows his extreme concern.

* When MC explans their situation, and what they’ve been doing, Seven is conflicted. He hates that they feel this way about themselves, and hates himself even more for giving MC a bad example to follow. He’s also unsure of what exactly he can do to help.

* He cusps MC’s face between his hands and vows to help them get better, and promises he’ll also fix his bad eating habits, so that they can get better together

* Once Seven makes a promise, he means it

* He’ll immediatly throw out all of the Honey Buddha Chips in the house, much to Yoosung’s dismay, and hold MC’s hand tight in his as they go grocery shopping for healthy meals and snacks to replace HBD. He’ll look online for therapists MC can visit and discuss pros and cons with them, and he’ll even contact nutritionists to help him out.

* He’ll never miss meal times ever again. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, no matter how busy he is, he’ll be there with MC so they can eat together, and he’ll wait as long as it takes for them to finish their meal too.

* He’ll never let them hurt themself ever again.

V/JIHYUN:

* He loves MC very very much, but he’s also...a little daft when it comes to such matters.

* He genially doesn’t realise what MC has been doing, since with work and all he’s often abroad for a few days at a time, and MC always says they’ve eaten when he asks

* He does notice some weird habits MC has-how they constantly seem to be poking at themself, as if feeling for something beneath their skin, how they flinch when he tries to hug them, how they drink a lot of water and tea and coffee and never seem to want any snacks with their evening tea or anything of the sort.

* V only puts two and two together when, whilst cleaning the kitchen cupboards, he finds a box full of bottles with diet pills and metabolism boosters, most of which were half-empty.

* He’s shocked and confused-how long had MC been taking this? Was this the reason he rarely saw them eat? Has he done something to accidentantly encourage this behavior?

* He loves them so much and finds them beautiful as they are, do they not see themself the same way?

* Before talking with MC about it, he contacts his own therapist first, telling him about his findings and how worried he is for his S/O. His therapist gives him some important information on eating diisorders that V wouldn’t have thought of otherwise-how it’s never just about weight and appearance, how it might not even be simply restricting, how just telling MC to eat healthier might not help at all.

* With new information at hand, V takes MC out to a park where they can sit together in the quiet summer afternoon and watch the sun set. There he takes a hold of their hand and tells them how much he loves them, and how he never wants to see them suffer, and that he’s noticed behaviors that worry him and make him think it’d be best for MC to seek professional help.

* He’ll be gentle and discreet, and allow MC to slowly tell him all there is to say about their eating disorder and habits, he’ll let them cry on his shoulder and even cry with them, unable to see them in pain, and vow to help in any way he can.

* He introduces them to his own therapist, who in turn refers MC to an eating disorders specialist, and V is there for them after every session, holding them tight and giving them all the encouragement he can.

* He’ll never miss meal times, and when he’s abroad he’ll videocall MC to make sure they’ve eaten at least something, and he’ll send them encouraging messages throughout the day

* He just wants them to be their best, healthiest self, and he’ll be there for them through it all

hi, your local med student and fellow mentally ill aunty here, to remind you that if you’re suffering from a menal illness and/or eating disorder, please don’t be afraid to seek professional help! no matter what your brain tells you, you’re always worthy of help and you should never be afraid of asking for it-you deserve a good quality of life, always!

-send me a mystic messenger headcanon/scenario for the characters to react to!-

#asks #anon #ed warning #mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger prompts #mysme prompts #mystic messenger headcanons #mysme headcanons #yoosung kim #jumin han #mysme zen #hyun ryu #mysme 707 #luciel choi #saeyoung choi #mysme v #jihyun kim #Anonymous

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historical-babes · 5 years

Text

Sergei Yesenin (1895-1925).

Russian poet.

He is one of the most popular and well-known Russian poets of the 20th century. His poignant short lyrics are full of striking imagery. He was very popular both during his lifetime and after his death. Frowned on by Communist critics and party leaders, who feared the debilitating effect of “Yeseninism” on the civic dedication of the young, he was long more or less out of official favour.

Yesenin welcomed the Revolution as the social and spiritual transformation that would lead to the peasant millennium he envisioned in his next book, Otherland (1918). His roseate utopian view of Otherland was still informed by a simple ethos—the defense of “wooden things” against the vile world of iron, stone, and steel (urban industrialization). In 1920–21 he composed his long poetic drama Pugachyov, glorifying the 18th-century rebel who led a mass peasant revolt during the reign of Catherine II. In 1919 he signed the literary manifesto of the group of Russian poets called the Imaginists. He was soon the leading exponent of the school. He became a habitué of the literary cafés of Moscow, where he gave poetry recitals and drank excessively.

A marriage to Zinaida Reich ended in divorce then in 1922 he married the American dancer Isadora Duncan and accompanied her on tour, during which he smashed suites in the best hotels in Europe in drunken rampages. They visited the United States, their quarrels and public scenes duly observed in the world press.

On their separation Yesenin returned to Russia. For some time he had been writing the consciously cynical, swaggering tavern poetry that appeared in Confessions of a Hooligan (1921) and Moscow of the Taverns (1924). His verse barely concealed the sense of self-depreciation that was overwhelming him.

He married again, a granddaughter of Tolstoy, but continued to drink heavily and to take cocaine. In 1924 he tried to go home again but found the village peasants quoting Soviet slogans, when he himself had not been able to read five pages of Marx. Tormented by guilt that he had been unable to fulfill the messianic role of poet of the people, he tried to get in step with the national trend. In the poem Desolate and Pale Moonlight (1925), he went so far as to praise stone and steel as the secret of Russia’s coming strength. But another poem, “The Stern October Has Deceived Me,” bluntly voiced his alienation from Bolshevik Russia.

His last major work, the confessional poem The Black Man, is a ruthless self-castigation for his failures. In 1925 he was briefly hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. Soon after, he hanged himself in a Leningrad hotel, having written his last lines in his own blood.

Some famous poems:

Confessions of a Hooligan

Goodbye, my friend, goodbye

The Black Man

Desolate and Pale Moonlight

The Scarlet of the Dawn

Land of Scoundrels

[Submission]

#sergei yesenin #Poet #russian history #early 20th century #Imaginarism #History #history lover #history nerd #history geek #history crush #history hottie #historical crush #historical babes #historical hottie #historical figure #historical

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flopgoblins · 5 years

Text

Unconventional

Or: 3 weddings and a funeral. Weird things happen when you’re a celebrity. Mostly at conventions.

1. Katya

The girl was wearing Halley High knee socks and the ubiquitous plaid cheer skirt that Katya hadn’t felt the same about since Matt’s story about what happened after the cross-dressing photoshoot. The pigtails were a given. The extensions were off the rack, but the eyeliner was applied straighter than Katya could ever manage herself, and she told the girl so, eliciting a flustered giggle and a babble of thanks. Katya was glad she’d held herself back from making a joke about how hard it was for her to do anything straight, since it would have killed her publicist and made the girl turn an even brighter red. Plus, she’d stolen the line from Matt.

The boy was rather less effectively dressed as Wally, complete with cheap red wig, and Katya refused to examine him any further than that after feeling the bulge in his pocket when he hugged her for the photo opp. It wasn’t the first time, but it never got any less gross. At least he hadn’t made any comments about how hot it would be to see her and his girlfriend make out in matching outfits, but-

“Vanessa, there’s something I need to ask you. Um, and hopefully Katya doesn’t mind.”

Oh god.

Katya turned, ready to signal to the assistant standing off to the side of the backdrop, but then she realized the faux Wally was kneeling. The bulge in his pocket was gone, and in his hand was a small black box.

Katya let out an involuntary cackle of laughter, and clapped her hands over her mouth. Almost as mortifying as an erection in JCPenney khakis, but tragically longer lasting.

Next to her, the girl in pigtails burst into tears.

“Will you marry me?”

What followed was the predictable flurry of snotty affirmations, damp selfies, and fans still waiting in line craning their necks to see what the holdup was. Katya made as many exclamations of delight as she felt she could before warranting a SAG award, and then hustled the enfianced couple towards the exit.

But first….

“Wink twice if you need a way out,” Katya whispered to the still tremulous girl as she hugged her. “Totally understand if you only said yes because of the circumstances, it was a super weird position for him to put you in. And me. Romantic, of course. Sort of. But I can get you out the back door if you need an escape. No? Sure? Okay. Congratulations.” She released the girl, blew a kiss with a spangle-nailed hand, and turned to greet the next group.

“Oh hey! So great to meet you! You will not believe what happened with the last people who came through…”

2. Nico

Nico was still new enough to it that the meet and greets were both novel and incredibly weird. Matt and Katya didn’t even seem to register them anymore, viewing them with about the same lassitude they viewed comicon panels or table reads, but since Nico found panels and reads pretty fucking exciting, photo opps were still a definite thing. And, like having strangers touch your hair and face every morning to get you camera ready, a definite mixture of cool and intensely bizarre. He wasn’t sure if it was weirder to have people paying actual money to meet him - and hug him, and sometimes burst into tears - or to call him by Jack’s name instead of his own.

“You get paid either way,” Matt said, who’d just been Wally’d no fewer than a dozen times.

“Yeah, but,” said Nico, “they know we’re not them, right?”

Matt gave him a gentle, pitying smile, and then both were dragged off for the next round.

After some time, Nico got into the flow of it. He could almost always find something to compliment fans on - their costumes, or their memory for Halley High lore, on which he could generally go toe-to-toe, or their ability to quote his lines back to him word perfect. Katya and Matt had described all of it as vaguely awkward and mostly boring, but Nico liked it, up until the point something happened that he was pretty sure they’d been lying to him about.

‘At some point,’ Matt had said, ‘They’ll do something weird in front of you.’

‘Yeah,’ said Katya. ‘Like get you to roleplay with them.’

‘Or propose,’ said Matt.

‘Aw, fuck off,’ said Nico, who was used to them messing with him at this point.

“Sasha,” said the girl with purple streaks in her hair. “I’m asking you here, in the sight of the greatest thespian of our generation, to do me the very great honor-”

“Oh!” said Nico, and covered his mouth.

“Oh, Fern!” said Sasha, whose shirt proclaimed her a member of Wallack Nation.

“-of marrying me.”

Nico moved his hands from his mouth to his eyes as Sasha flung herself into Fern’s arms. “Oh wow! Oh my gosh!” He uncovered his eyes, saw tongue, and covered them again.

“Oh my god! Did you know that was gonna happen? Holy sh- Wow! Uh. It feels weird that I’m here. Should I leave? Kelsi, please don’t charge them the $75 for the photo opp, this one’s on me. Seriously, should I leave?”

3. Jordie

The rest of them always wrapped up meet and greets before Jordie did. Part of this was because Jordie was bad at ending conversations, and tended to let fans run riot over him, killing the time limit and the event manager’s soul. The rest of it was because Jordie’s line of fans was twice as long as anyone but Matt’s, and Jordie hated turning anyone away.

“Look on my works, ye mighty,” murmured Matt, forty-five minutes after the rest of them had finished and were still waiting for Jordie to re-emerge. He flipped his wrist, looked at his watch, and tilted against the wall. “And despair. I have seen the future, and it is blond, peppy, and nineteen.”

Katya was scrolling the #jordieswiftsdcc tag and perusing selfies from the line. “This person waited two hours to see him and is pretty much creaming herself for the opportunity. This person waited three hours and is getting his signature tattooed on her wrist. And this one looks like he’s had some minor plastic surgery to look more like him.”

“Jesus,” said Nico, horrified. He knew they sometimes forgot that their little cast member, who tended to have half the screentime and a third the lines the rest of them did, was not only a fan favorite but had amassed 5 million subscribers on YouTube for a reason. “Poor Jordie.”

Katya clicked ‘report’ on a Tweet that Nico couldn’t read beyond the handle, which was @jordieswift_tongue_my_taint. She slid her phone into her back pocket and tilted against the wall next to Matt. “Competition, Tiny. Your agency is gonna have a cow if he starts to surpass you.”

Matt curled his lip in what might have been a smirk. “My agency should just sign him and turn me out to stud.”

Katya slid down the wall until she was squatting on her heels, fringe from her boho vest brushing the floor. She dragged her finger through the dust on the ground. “Tiny ginger babies cropping up in pastures everywhere next spring. Seabiscuit, out of Georgina, by Matt.”

Matt prodded her until she tipped off her heels and sprawled on the floor. “I’m happy to sell my semen but if they actually need me to mount anyone-”

“Guys, please,” said Nico. He was getting antsy, ready to go get dinner, and bouncing a little on his toes to keep himself awake. “There are kids around. Maybe less with the semen?”

Matt dodged Katya’s attempt to pull herself up on his ankle. “How about the mounting, is the mounting okay?”

Katya grinned from the floor. “Oh, I’m sure Nico’s okay with you mounting-”

Matt yawned. “Where the hell is Jordie?” he said. “Seriously, they’re shutting down the venue any minute now.”

“Let’s go look,” said Katya, and clambered upright, scooping up her purse in one hand and Nico’s arm in the other.

Jordie was down to the last fan, but it was immediately clear why it was running over time. It wasn’t just a matter of exceeding the allotted five minutes so much as a ‘death do us part’ thing, given the fact the fan was down on one knee and Jordie looked about 30 seconds away from a nervous breakdown.

“Oh dear,” said Matt. “They got him.”

“I’ll call security,” said Katya.

Nico ignored them both and dashed towards the unfolding scene, where Jordie was babbling helplessly.

“Wait, me? You’re asking me? Oh no! I thought this was about - I thought you were going to propose to someone el- Please stop kneeling. I have - Listen, I have a- Okay, my agent didn’t tell me what to do if this happened? I think my contract says no. I’m sorry! Okay, please don’t - um, please don’t - ”

Nico took one look at the ardent worship on the fan’s face and their outstretched hand, one look at the panic in Jordie’s eyes, and leapt into the fray. “Whoa, hey. Yo! I object!”

“Wh?” said Jordie.

“I’m so sorry,” said Nico, grabbing Jordie’s arm and securing him protectively against his side. “I’m so sorry, but he can’t marry you. Bigamy’s illegal, you see, and he’s already engaged.”

“He is?” said the fan blankly. Nico could almost see them scrolling Jordie’s Wikipedia page in their mind, searching for the ‘personal life’ section.

“I am?” said Jordie, looking as terrified as if he’d actually forgotten.

The fan’s mental scroll had clearly come up blank because their eyes narrowed. “To who?”

“Whom,” said Nico, because children of English professors never missed a cue. “Uh.” He hadn’t thought this all the way through, but realized at once he couldn’t go for his first instinct and throw Katya under the bus. For one thing, it would only encourage the #katyathecougar hashtag, and for another, she might hurt him. He’d deserve it, too. “To me, of course.”

“Wh?” said Jordie.

“Come along, dumpling,” said Nico, and swept him away.

Katya and Matt watched as Nico hustled them both through an ‘emergency exit only’ door, Matt with arms folded, Katya with her phone still out and security ringing through on the other end.

“Well,” said Matt. “If Jack/Silas wasn’t a thing before, it sure as hell will be now. Quick, Kat, bookmark the tag on AO3.”

“Be honest, Matty,” said Katya, as con organizers descended on the still-kneeling fan. “You’re a leettle bit jealous that Jordie got the proposal before you did.”

“I’ve been proposed to no less than five times, Kit-Kat.”

“But never,” said Katya, with a sly smirk. “By Nico Martin.”

4. Matt

The woman clutched a silver urn in one hand and Matt’s fingers in the other. It had been at least five minutes and Matt’s smile was at risk of becoming a rictus, so he changed it to a look of quiet sympathy.

“He would have loved to meet you,” said the woman, pressing Matt’s hand even tighter. “Gloucester Lost was his favorite movie. And we had the box set of NICU: NYC. Watched it nightly.”

“I’m so glad he liked it,” said Matt. He eyed the urn, in which resided the last earthly remains of Milton Heslop, apparently Matt’s biggest fan. His agent would not be pleased to know that one of Matt’s most dedicated viewers was dust, but he supposed this was what came of approaching thirty. An aging fanbase was just what a turn on Halley High was supposed to prevent, but he supposed a woman holding her dead husband was better than yet another red wig and loosely glued protuberance. “Would you like a picture?”

“I’ve been going to all his favorite places,” said the woman, still latched to Matt’s hand like she was one of the parasite wasps from episode five and he was - well, himself. “I scattered some of his ashes at Yosemite, and some at Dollywood. He always wanted to see the Space Needle, but they wouldn’t let me through the metal detector. I thought of the beach at Gloucester, of course, where Vincent tried to drown himself, but-”

But that particular beach didn’t exist, since they’d done all their shooting in Rhode Island for tax reasons.

“-but then I thought I could do one better.”

“A photo?” said Matt again, a little desperately. The pill he taken with breakfast - ‘breakfast’ might have been a generous description, but with his morning coffee and kahlua, anyway - was wearing thin, and he would have given a finger for the chance to smoke a cigarette. Going cold turkey this week had been a mistake, no matter how much he liked being able to kiss Nico without brushing his teeth first. “We can take a - There’s a photographer right - ma’am, do you-”

She’d finally let go of his hand and was busily unscrewing the top of the urn.

“Ma’am,” said Matt, but he didn’t leap back in time. Slowed reflexes, another sin imparted by the cold turkey.

“This is for you, Milton,” said the woman sorrowfully, and upended the urn at Matt’s feet.

“Well,” said Matt later, brushing grey dust off his lapels, “I’ve had two proposals and one break-up at fan events, but I can say that was my first consecration of human remains. Slightly less awkward than the proposals, honestly. Kelsi, do you have a wet wipe? Or a vacuum?”

As the event manager hurried over with some hand sanitizer and a damp paper towel, Matt shot a glance at Katya, who was shaking helplessly in the corner with tears streaming down her face. “Kitty, if you don’t get me something to smoke and I mean now, I’m doing to sneeze Milton all over your McQueen.”

“I’ll see what I can rustle up at the crematorium,” said Katya, and dissolved into laughter once again.

#star boys #matt rose #katya walker #nico martin #jordie swift #bonus episode #craving star boys content? WAIT NO LONGER

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