#"Psychological distress symptoms"

[onefite]

10 Common Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown

10 Common Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown Introduction Feeling overwhelmed or having a tough time coping? You’re not alone. Many of us go through periods where it feels like the world is crashing down around us. This state often signals a mental breakdown, a term that describes a period of intense mental distress. During this time, managing day-to-day tasks can feel impossible. By understanding…

Vezi pe WordPress

[woodlaflababab]

Aang, Psychology, and the Concept of “Running Away” (A Breakdown Of Aang's Trauma Responses)

So, one thing that always kind of threw me off about atla was Aang's ignoration and dismissiveness of the things that have happened to him and continue to happen to him. He never seemed to have any kind of trauma response (besides nightmares).

Recently I've realized that the ignoration is Aang's trauma response, and it runs pretty fucking deep. Aang shows a lot of trauma responses but they are not as noticeable because Aang is also ridiculously good at emotional regulation, to a toxic point imo, and probably due to his upbringing by monks.

Aang, as is pretty well covered by the show, has a problem with trying to 'run away’ from his problems. This steadily stops happening as much throughout Book 2 (though he is learning in Book 1), but what's interesting is, while his tendency to physically run away from problems ends, his tendency to emotionally run away increases.

We go from Book 1 in which Aang confides in Katara about the separation from the monks, to Book 2 in which Aang literally actively rejects attempts at comfort in favor of an emotional shut down, to Book 3 where, after the failed invasion, Aang immediately tries just about anything he can to avoid talking about it.

He's not necessarily 'running away’. He still owns up to his duty and is right on the ball when Zuko shows up to teach firebending. It is not the work he shies from, it is specifically talking about the failure. This is Aang's main trauma response. Before I delve deeper into that though, I want to talk about Aang's other trauma responses that get bypassed thanks to his ability to ignore them.

Quoting ‘What is Child Traumatic Stress’, “Traumatic reactions can include a variety of responses, including intense and ongoing emotional upset, depressive symptoms, anxiety, behavioral changes, difficulties with attention, academic difficulties, nightmares, physical symptoms such as difficulty sleeping and eating, and aches and pains, among others.”

Aang shows almost all of these at one point or another, and typically they show themselves when he finds himself incapable of mentally 'running away.’

Intense and Ongoing Emotional Upset: 

I'm mostly eyeing the avatar state episodes. His immediate reaction to traumatic events he is helpless to is explosive anger, but it fails to be ongoing because it is immediately followed by a shut down. 

- Aang on Zuko's boat. In this episode, while fighting with Zuko, Aang shows some pretty intense fear and his first (technically second) experience with the Avatar state is for survival and driven by fear (also, notably, a repeat experience of the same thing that caused the actual first experience). Yet, as soon as Aang is off of Zuko's boat, he's melancholy for a hot second and then turns on a dime and starts talking about the adventures they can go on. Avatar State -> Shut Down/dismissing or ignoring the problem.

- Aang at the Southern Air Temple. He starts off in deep obvious denial, like this kid is so obviously blocking. Then he sees Gyatso's body, goes into a rage and grief induced Avatar state, gets pulled out, can no longer use denial as his mental defense, and so once again turns to shut down. He's expressionless as he comes down, and when he's fully out he's just kind of tired and speaks with a soft almost toneless quality. He's admitting to the trauma and yet there's a numb resignation to it. He's not emotionally connecting with it. We see him after with Momo and Appa smiling and just being like “we gotta stick together :)”. That's not the appropriate response to admitting there's only three survivors of your home. Avatar State -> Shut down/dismissal

- Aang and General Fong. Aang experiences an extremely distressing and helpless situation while he watches Katara, one of two whole people in his life, be buried. He goes into a rage induced Avatar state, again, and then literally 'nope's out of the situation with help from Roku. And when he comes back, he shuts down. He doesn't react emotionally, he once again speaks in that soft, even, almost dead tone, apologizes, and dismisses the event. I mean, the way he addresses General Fong, the person who just caused this whole thing, is extremely chill, almost uncharacteristic. Just a simple, “you're out of your mind” with a tone that could make you think he was having a casual conversation with someone who just suggested eating cereal out of a cup. And then he's good! Momo comes back and he smiles and everything is all good again. Avatar State -> Shut down/dismissal.

- Then we have the desert, one of the few times Aang does not shut down immediately, but then it culminates in the Avatar State and he stays like that for a bit but once he comes down, his faces changes again, to what is almost resignation, like he's given up on being mad, which really, he has as we see later. And then the next episode and he's playing in some water, but as soon as Sokka brings up Appa, we see the face and tone that's now kind of familiar: soft, dead, dismissive. He's once again refusing to emotionally connect and is downplaying it. Avatar State -> shut down/dismissal.

Depressive Symptoms/Anxiety:

He shows fits of both, though these aren't as evident because, again, most of the time he's in an emotional block and ignoring the problems. But when he cannot ignore the absence of his lifelong companion, he has a long period of anger followed by a numb depressive state, he literally talks about giving up hope. He is entirely hopeless at this point.

And then when he cannot ignore the Day of Black Sun coming in a few days, his anxiety goes through the fucking roof. 

However, these don't last long and that'll connect to me talking about emotional regulation later.

Behavioral Changes:

Aang changes A Lot over the course of the series. Book 1 Aang is very distinct from Book 3 Aang (though we still see the core traits of him throughout). He becomes more hyper focused on doing his duty, tends to fall to the background when he can, generally takes on a much more somber demeanor.

Difficulties With Attention:

This one's not really huge. He has about the same amount of attention focus in Book 3 as he does Book 1, if not improvement.

Nightmares:

I don't think I have to explain this. Aang goes through multiple fits of nightmares.

Difficulties Sleeping or Eating:

Once again, I look to Nightmares and Daydreams, one of the few times Aang is unable to shut down or block. He cannot sleep for the life of him. I have plans to go back and pay attention to eating habits in Book 3 in order to potentially add onto this joke meta, but I would not be surprised if there were signs of a lowered appetite, even if the writers did not intend it.

Aches and Pains:

He doesn't ever complain about this but also like, would he? Even if he was experiencing them? Kid tried to fight people and fly through a storm while newly recovering from a lightning injury. Aang gives no shits.

Then the article also covers childhood PTSD diagnoses which I'd also like to go over real quick. “the child continues to re-experience the event through nightmares, flashbacks, or other symptoms for more than a month after the original experience; the child has what we call avoidance or numbing symptoms—he or she won’t think about the event, has memory lapses, or maybe feels numb in connection with the events—and the child has feelings of arousal, such as increased irritability, difficulty sleeping, or others.”

Most of these I just covered, but I think it's notable that numbness is also mentioned here, the exact symptoms I've been talking about. Avoidant, won't think about it, numb in connection.

And just to be sure that everyone is on board let me go through some other examples of Aang shutting down:

Katara brings up the 100 years and Aang immediately blocks that shit. It's literally too big for him to conceptualize, so he dismisses it as okay because he has a new friend now and moves on and doesn't think about it.

The Northern Air Temple. I think most people agree that the lesson in that episode was wrong. Aang had every right to be angry. There's nothing okay about taking over and destroying 100 year old artifacts of a nearly extinct culture. We see Aang react to this with a numbness. There's even a moment where he's just frozen and uncomprehending. “This place is unbelievable.” “Yeah. It's great isn't it?” “No, just unbelievable.” He reacts with anger later (notably when he feels like he can do something instead of being helpless), and then when he can no longer do anything, he once again just rejects any negative emotional turmoil in favor of that “it's fine” attitude and accepts what the people have done.

Then the desert, one of the few places we don't see him shut down immediately. Except, literally the next episode is all about Aang's hardest shut down yet.

There are other examples but I think you get the point. He does this A Lot.

Okay cool, so we've covered the denial and trauma responses part, but how does emotional regulation play into this?

I'm glad you asked.

So, when I was first considering Aang and this whole thing, I thought Aang exhibited emotional dysregulation, especially in regards to the Avatar State, but then I actually did some learning on emotional dysregulation and realized, actually, no, he doesn't. Emotional dysregulation is mostly characterized by emotional responses being out of proportion with the event, but I think we can all agree, pm every time he goes into the Avatar State, that emotional response is uh, rather warranted. Now, Aang does, in these moments, show the lack of control that can come with emotional dysregulation, but also like, who wouldn't.

Considering Aang's behavior outside of the Avatar State Outbursts, he's actually very good at emotional regulation. Scary good, in fact. Number One in the reasons I say this is everything I said above. The ability to shut down is often an active choice. Aang does not like who he is when he is upset and, outside the initial outburst, has a pretty firm grip on his emotions. He shows anger at times, but they are in appropriate places with more or less appropriate responses. 

The Desert stands out so much because Aang loses the control he normally has. This is where we see him lose his grip on himself and he spirals.

He rarely shows grief. During his lessons with the Guru he passes all the chakras with amazing ease because he legitimately is that good at controlling and managing emotions which, like I said at the very beginning, I attribute a lot of that to him being raised by monks. I mean, he's a 12 yr old who is skilled in meditation. I don't think it's a stretch to think the monks taught him other such things.

He doesn't react to small things that would normally piss people off. Examples include The Headband when he gives absolutely zero shits about the bully, and The Southern Raiders where he accepts Katara trying to steal Appa and doesn't react to Zuko mocking him and his culture. 

Aang also, paradoxically, can be pretty good at expressing emotions when he needs to. He's typically very emotionally intelligent, with the exception being pretty much any trauma. He will react to basic things in the moment and is unafraid to show frustration or anger or uncertainty, as long as it's Not connected to a thing he is distinctly Not thinking about.

And one of the most damning examples of his emotional regulation skill, that is actually the scene that started me thinking about all of this, is the scene with Koh the Face Stealer. 

That scene threw me off so much because I felt like it was incredibly out of character for Aang, this incredibly expressive kid, to be able to show no emotional reaction. It didn't make sense and for a long time I dismissed it as just, the writers thought it'd be cool so he did it. But of course, I can't let things lay, so I never really stopped thinking about it until I realized, in context of everything I've talked about before, it actually makes perfect sense.

Aang is emotionally expressive by choice. He has the ability to control his emotions and responses to a ridiculous degree. He knows how to be emotionally intelligent with basic things, where to express emotion and how to do it. 

(Of course, he's not perfect. There are plenty of times he acts out, the Bato episode being the first thing to come to mind, but even there, after just a few hours, he has wrestled with his jealousy and responds appropriately to guilt, he owns up to it. He does try to explain himself but when Sokka makes it clear he's not going to listen, Aang does not continue to press the point. He accepts Sokka's decision, does not lash out, and for once doesn't shut down or exhibit happiness soon after. He is sad and expresses it without shoving his emotions onto others. For a 12 yr old, this is fucking impressive.)

Aang was taught well by the monks, but the one thing they couldn't teach him was response to trauma, and that's where he falters, but that emotional regulation means he's not going to respond in a typical way. Instead, he turns to denial as his coping mechanism of choice and uses those skills he learned to achieve a workable state of being but through unhealthy use.

Where am I going with this? Idk. Nowhere really, I just wanted to talk about Aang and psychology tbqh.

Anyway, I will finish this up by a fun delve into Things He's Probably Going To End Up Suffering From:

Denial can lead to memory blocking, where it's more than just not thinking about it, the brain actively suppresses and alters memory to cope. Adult Aang's recollection of the Ozai year is probably not going to be super accurate. Would not be surprised if someone was like “hey remember that time you were almost executed by a town for your past live’s mistakes?” and Aang just went “No???” and legit has no recollection of any such thing.

Selective numbing will eventually turn into collective numbing. You can selectively numb for a temporary period of time (which is how people fall into the trap) but eventually your brain will start to numb everything, not just the bad things. At the very least teenage Aang absolutely goes through a period of dissociative complete numbness.

Speaking of dissociation, if you're not going to react to trauma the normal way, dissociation happens. It starts as a coping mechanism but like with numbing, it cannot remain controlled and will develop into something. Aang will have a dissociative disorder, I'm telling you. Which one? Idk, but I assure you, it'll be there. I'm leaning toward some basic depersonalization/derealization and/or OSDD type four where trauma and meditation accidentally mix for the worse.

So yeah, there you go, a breakdown of Aang, his trauma responses, his emotional intelligence, and the consequences of those two things put together.

I'm gonna be a nerd here and add shitty citations but this is mostly in case you're also a psych geek and want to read things.

“What Are the Dissociative Disorders”. International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.

“Developmental trauma: Conceptual framework, associated risks and comorbidities, and evaluation and treatment”. National Library of Medicine.

“What is Child Traumatic Stress”. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

[beguines]

A recent review of the science behind the psychiatric discourse concluded that "no biological sign has ever been found for any 'mental disorder.' Correspondingly, there is no known physiological etiology". This conclusion also became clear to the APA's own DSM-5 task force when they began work on the new manual in 2002. As Whitaker and Cosgrove record, in reviewing the available research evidence it was plain to the committee members that "[t]he etiology of mental disorders remained unknown. The field [of mental health] still did not have a biological marker or genetic test that could be used for diagnostic purposes." Furthermore, the research also showed that psychiatrists could still not distinguish between mentally healthy and mentally sick people, and consequently had failed to define their area of supposed expertise. This issue was recently highlighted with reference to comments made by Allen Frances, the chair of the previous DSM-IV task force. When the DSM-IV was published in 1994, it stated that "mental disorder" was "conceptualized as a clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual and that is associated with present distress (e.g., a painful symptom) or disability (i.e., impairment in one or more important areas of functioning) or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom".

However, as the architect of the DSM-IV, Frances was later quoted by Greenberg as stating of the above definition, "[h]ere's the problem . . . There is no definition of a mental disorder . . it's bullshit . . . I mean you can't define it." The lack of knowledge on mental health and illness has haunted the entire history of psychiatry. Some have dismissed critics who highlight this fundamental hole in the science of psychiatry as "antipsychiatry" or "mental illness deniers." Such attacks on scholars who attempt to investigate the accuracy of the central pillars of psychiatric knowledge should further concern us, as it perhaps signals that plenty in the profession are already aware of the flimsy nature on which their "expertise" continues to rest. Together with an understanding of the history of the psychiatric profession—summed up by Scull as "dismal and depressing"—I would argue that it should be the duty of all social scientists concerned with the mental health field that, in good conscience and putting the needs of the public first, they remain highly sceptical of a psychiatric discourse that poses as expert knowledge on the mind but produces little actual evidence to back up the assertions made.

Bruce M.Z. Cohen, Psychiatric Hegemony: A Marxist Theory of Mental Illness

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Why Temple Grandin is NOT my Hero

Hello everyone,

As the title says, I wanted to talk about Temple Grandin. I got to meet her when I was 12. She seemed very standoffish (which isn’t surprising). I did some research on her for some time and I’ve come to realize that she isn’t the best autism advocate. According to this article:

As a believer in functioning labels, Temple Grandin believes in preserving “high functioning” autistic traits while eliminating “low functioning” traits through Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and cures and even special diets for autism, such as wheat free and dairy free. ABA is a harmful early intervention that causes PTSD in autistic adults and attempts to eliminate autistic behaviors and replace them with neurotypical behaviors, which causes distress and emotional and psychological harm in autistic children and adults who undergo ABA. The Association for Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABAI) even endorsed electric shock therapy at the Judge Rotenberg Center, the only care facility in the United States to use this horrific form of “treatment.” The fact that Temple Grandin divides autistic people into those that should be “preserved” and those that should be “cured” is a very harmful and ableist belief, and this view is damaging to the pro-acceptance and neurodiversity movement.

Article will be below:

Clearly she supports ABA therapy, which is harmful to autistic people. Plus she also mentions how she thinks autism can improve in time. Which…isn’t how it works. You can manage your traits and symptoms, but you can’t necessarily “improve”. Your autism is your autism. It’s not going to change.

While she did do some good work for the world, I cannot bring myself to support her advocacy. If you aren’t advocating for all autistic people, higher needs included, then you aren’t advocating for us at all.

Some autistic people have high support needs. And she doesn’t seem to understand that, and thinks it can magically improve is the gist I’m getting here. That’s not how it works. You don’t “improve” an autistic individual. You “support” them. No matter where they are on the spectrum.

According to another article I found:

Temple Grandin believes that "high-functioning" autistics are talented, intelligent, and necessary to human survival, while "low-functioning" autistics cannot function or live independently, and thus should be cured in the present and prevented from existing in the future. Both I and others have thoroughly deconstructed the false dichotomy of high and low functioning, but suffice it to say that such claims not only reinforce ableist hegemony, but also reinforce a capitalist notion of success and value in that only people who can produce are worthy of inclusion in society; all others are burdens.

That’s all I wanted to share. I will leave the source below if anyone wants to read it. I find this very disappointing because I looked up to her when I was younger.

[diazmaximoff]

Understanding Daniel Diaz in Episode 4 of Life is Strange 2

Daniel’s actions at the church in episode 4 are a perfect showcase for cognitive dissonance, and I feel like that goes over most players' heads because Daniel is quote "an ungrateful spoiled brat who never listens" unquote. But it's always been so obvious to me that he's just succumbed to his pain and trauma more than Sean has, and that makes a lot of sense for a sheltered child like him.

Following the traumatic incident of Esteban being shot by the police, there's a profound disruption to Daniel's sense of security and normalcy. This abrupt loss triggers a dissociative response, where he detaches from the immediate reality as a coping mechanism (he doesn't remember Esteban getting shot throughout episode 1). The dissociation is a defense mechanism to shield his psyche from the overwhelming distress: his brain is literally trying to protect itself from disfunctioning, and Sean intentionally feeds into Daniel's illusioned mind in episode 1 to protect his innocence.

Now when Sean arrives at the church in episode 4 to meet him and then suddenly suggests returning to life on the road, there's a significant increase in Daniel's stress and dissociation. He is still slowly processing the traumatic events of the previous episode, particularly the violent incident at the pot farm where he his powers got multiple people hurt, including his own brother Sean.

At the church, Lisbeth's representing a stabilizing force for him, albeit through manipulation and brainwashing. She provides Daniel with a semblance of security and maternal care (that was never given to him by his real mom), and that perceived stability is what his brain makes Daniel cling to desperately to avoid psychological overload caused by his guilt over the immense pain he's caused others - not realizing that it's simultaneously distancing the people he loves.

Daniel is confronted with conflicting realities while reuniting with Sean: the comfort and stability offered by Lisbeth versus the chaotic and the extremely uncertain life on the road with Sean. To resolve this dissonance, Daniel pushes away the painful reality associated with Sean, considering himself a danger and a burden to Sean and everyone around him. He's effectively projecting his distress onto his big brother, whom, at the moment, he perceives as a threat to his attempt at redemption and his newfound stability. If he went with Sean, he wouldn't get to ignore his guilt at all since he'd be subjected to difficult circumstances that led him to hurt people in the first place. And, most importantly, he'd lose that stability and normalcy which his brain sees as a shortcut to keep Daniel occupied from the stress. In essence, Daniel absolutely despises uncertainty, which Sean is trying to thrust him into. Again.

Daniel's reaction to keep pushing Sean away also clearly shows that his avoidance of a homeless lifestyle is deeply rooted in his subconscious. His previous life, where he was protected and cared for (and spoiled) by his father and brother, was abruptly taken from him. This sudden loss has left him traumatized, and his actions are a direct manifestation of this unresolved trauma. His outbursts and reluctance to assist Sean are not signs of indifference or lack of empathy but symptoms of his brain's inability to process and move beyond these past traumas.

He is psychologically attempting to revert to a time of safety and happiness that we saw glimpses of before Esteban's death—playing Minecraft with his school mates, celebrating birthdays and Christmas, eating chock-o-crisps and his favorite cereal for breakfast—though this regression is ineffective because he remains a traumatized child who knows little about the dangers of the world. He's been continuously sheltered from danger and hardship, which limits his capacity to adapt to their current situation.

And for those quick to label Daniel as a spoiled brat: it's important to understand that being spoiled can make it harder for children, especially someone in Daniel's shoes, to cope with pain and adversity because they're accustomed to having their needs and wants easily met. This predisposition makes them more vulnerable to trauma, and their bratty behavior is actually a coping mechanism for them, a way of REACTING to trauma with the limited emotional and psychological tools available to them.

This is why Sean’s remark in episode 4 about the comfort of the past, coupled with his acceptance that he cannot turn back time, is incredibly crucial for Daniel. While trying to convince Daniel to come with him, he says, "If I could go back in time, I would—Dad would get us pizza and snacks, then pick the movie because we would always fight about it. And he always picked your movie. But I can't do that: all I can do now is fight for you". (notice that Sean mentions "movie" and "pizza" which is a direct callback to Daniel's words back in episode 1 when they were sitting on the bench in the woods).

That line alone signifies a pivotal moment for Daniel's development since he gets to confront with the harsh realities of the world—Nick's brutal assault on Sean and the church engulfed in flames—while observing Sean’s resilience during all of it. Sean’s ability to endure and continue fighting for Daniel is serving as a powerful contrast to Daniel’s dissociation, because his actions are underscoring the concept of purpose and resilience in the face of trauma. His unwavering dedication to Daniel exemplifies how a sense of purpose can drive individuals to withstand significant adversity, even when you'd want to sweep the pain under the rug. For Daniel, the realization that Sean’s sacrifices are solely driven by love and commitment begins to penetrate those dissociative barriers indefinitely, and by the end of the episode, he's fully accepted that he can never escape his trauma again: the pain is always going to be a pivotal, irreversible part of him and he just has to "keep on keeping on", as Finn would put it.

Ultimately, the powerlessness of not being able to change the past, combined with Sean’s persistence in getting his little brother back into his arms, helps Daniel understand that love can surpass pain. It teaches him that even amid chaos, there is always something worth fighting for—new reasons to care and new sources of strength—just like his brother has shown him.

[gothhabiba]

No mental disorder meets the scientific definition of “disease” recognizable to pathologists: a departure from normal bodily structure and function (Szasz, 2001). This reality is clearly understood by the current and previous directors of the NIMH who acknowledge the speculative status of existing biological theories (Insel, 2011) and caution that DSM diagnoses are “heuristics” not to be misconstrued as “natural kinds” or “real entities” (Hyman, 2010). It is therefore confusing to observe these same individuals state elsewhere that mental disorders “are recognized to have a biological cause” (Insel, 2010; p. 5) and are “real illnesses of a real organ, the brain, just like coronary artery disease is a disease of a real organ, the heart” (Hyman at the 1999 White House Conference on Mental Health, quoted in Albee & Joffe, 2004). Use of the term “disease” in the context of mental disorder reflects an expanded definition in which cellular pathology is replaced with subjective report of distressing or impairing psychological symptoms, the presence of biological correlates, or the assumption of an underlying disease state as yet undiscovered by science (e.g., “…mental disorders will likely be proven to represent disorders of intercellular communication; or of disrupted neural circuitry”; APA, 2003b). From this perspective, any DSM diagnosis is eligible for disease status (Peele, 1989), and what constitutes a “brain disease” is subject to the vagaries of the individuals in charge of determining the disorders and symptom criteria sets that comprise the latest version of the APA's diagnostic manual. [...] Given the limitations of existing knowledge about the biological basis of mental disorder, declarations that mental disorders are “brain diseases” (Volkow, n.d.), “broken brains” (Andreasen, 1985), or “neurobiological disorders” (CHADD, 2012) are perhaps best understood as the product of ideological, economic, or other non scientific motives.

–Brett J. Deacon, “The biomedical model of mental disorder: A critical analysis of its validity, utility, and effects on psychotherapy research.” Clinical Psychology Review 33 (2013), 846–861. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.09.007

[sysmedsaresexist]

MADD and trauma

I got this comment on one of my posts

Remember, guys, Google is your friend

Below is a whole bunch of different sites and papers that say exactly what I said

Childhood traumatization and dissociative experiences among maladaptive and normal daydreamers

"The results revealed that certain types of childhood trauma occurred significantly more frequently in the group of maladaptive daydreamers."

British psychological society

"Maladaptive daydreaming usually occurs as a coping mechanism in response to trauma, abuse or loneliness."

Cleveland clinic

"These daydreams are usually a coping mechanism for other mental health conditions or circumstances. It's common — but not required — for people who have this to have a history of childhood trauma or abuse."

Maladaptive daydreaming: an escape from reality

"Maladaptive Daydreaming is the brain’s inventive way of coping with the anguish of trauma."

Childhood Trauma and Maladaptive Daydreaming: Fantasy Functions and Themes In A Multi-Country Sample

"Their reported childhood traumata were associated with the utilization of MD to distract from painful memories."

Top 5 Causes of Maladaptive Daydreaming

"The root causes of maladaptive daydreaming can be categorized as either trying to avoid something, trying to escape something, feeling a sense of boredom, feeling a sense of loneliness, or having difficulty grappling with a large life change of some kind."

Understanding the root cause of maladaptive daydreaming (this is a really good article and there's way too much to quote)

Maladaptive daydreaming

"The studies conducted by Eli Somer and many others have observed several commonalities concerning the onset of MD. Trauma, abuse, sexual assault, loneliness, or any kind of tragic experiences incites a strong urge to escape from all these problems."

Maladaptive daydreaming as a new form of behavioral addiction

"MD was developed as a strategy to cope with distress but led to uncontrollable absorption in fantasy, social withdrawal, and neglecting aspects of everyday life."

Maladaptive Daydreaming vs Hallucinations: Are They the Same?

"Early life trauma often plays a role in the development of both maladaptive daydreaming and psychosis, or the loss of touch with reality (of which hallucinations are a symptom)."

[drcornwater]

Health Update

For the last year or so, I've been experiencing seizure like symptoms that's altered my life more than I ever could have thought.

It started in April 2022. I got up from my computer chair to grab some coffee while at work (I work from home) and suddenly my eyes went blurry and my knees were weak. I made it to the kitchen counter but knew something was going on so I put my cup down and tried to get back to my chair only a few feet away from me.

I didn't make it and fell to the floor. My head had what felt like pressure in it and it had just exploded out of me. I woke up to carpet burn on my forehead and with my head about 3 inches from my computer chair wheels. I always think about how close I was to whacking my head on those sharp ass wheel covers whenever I think about it.

After that first time, I started having what seemed to be seizures regularly. I would be kind of aware of what was going on, but I was locked out of my body as it seized. I'd slur and get really drooly after one and sometimes I'd just be bedridden for a whole day. I had experienced something similar when I was a teen and in my early 20s, but it was sort of brushed off by my doctor at the time. It went away as I grew older so I never thought about it afterwards.

So after months of waiting and anxiety, I finally got tested in an inpatient epilepsy monitoring unit. Basically that means I was strapped to an EEG for 24 hours to monitor my brain activity and catch an episode as it happened to see if it was epilepsy or something else. After a day, the doc came in and said I had Psychogenic Nonepileptic Seizures.

To quote the above link:

Psychogenic nonepileptic seizure (PNES) involves attacks that resemble epilepsy-related seizures in symptoms and signs, but abnormal electrical activity in your brain doesn’t cause them. Instead, the seizures are a physical reaction to underlying psychological distress.

It's a conversion disorder, meaning my brain has a hard time dealing with extreme stress or anxiety and manifests it physically. It's linked to trauma, personality disorders, and other types of mental issues. I def fall under Trauma and Mental Illness so I wasn't super shocked I was diagnosed with this lmao.

I'm deeply committed to treatment for this. I want to get better. I need to get better. I have a future waiting for me and I want to get there.

This has obviously all been stressful on its own so it feels like it's an ouroboros eating itself. I've missed so much work and the travel to appointments is brutal at times. My partner is so stressed all the time and I feel like a burden with how much she has to dedicate her time to me. I was supposed to get my driver's license when we moved up here, but I can't drive for a year after having a seizure so I'm not doing that anytime soon. We had to move bc I can't make enough money working due to being part time and missing days of work consistently. It just feels like there's more being added onto the plate every month.

And then today

I um. I...

fuck man

I just got out of a meeting with my HR person at work. We talked about how much work I'm missing and how my metrics aren't great and I'm not meeting expectations. There's a lot more going on than just my health at work, but they only see my health issues and want to stick with that. It doesn't matter that everything outside of my health is affecting work.

So my HR person put two options on the table:

I go through the process of filing ADA accommodations. It's a long process where my doctor has to sign off on my ability to work and there's a bunch of paperwork involved and a lot of effort on both sides (me and my work). They made it very obvious they do not want to go down this route.

2. I quit and they can just dust off their hands and move on.

It doesn't really feel like I have a choice at this point. They put a lot of emphasis on how much effort the ADA process is and made quitting more appealing. I know they want to get rid of me and this is them saying "we can get rid of you the easy way or the hard way" since they can't fire me due to health issues legally.

I mean, and they're right. What options do I have? I can't work and it's been proven. I can't. I just can't meet those expectations and I'm taking up a spot for someone who can. I've proved to myself and everyone around me that I literally cannot work in my condition. I've tried and it's just not possible.

The thing that really rubs me is that they have no idea what losing this job means for me. They think I can just leave this job and I'll be able to focus on my health and make the right choices for myself. But really, it completely fucks the plans we made moving up here. I will have to wait for months or even years for disability to kick in, I can't get unemployment after the pandemic bc of complicated reasons, and there's no way I can get another job like this with the flexibility it provided. They see this as the best option when really, it totally destabilizes any security I have in my personal life. I don't have any other options but to keep trying to work.

So much has been taken from me by this fucking medical condition. It's so hard to not be bitter or angry. I had to move in with my in-laws, become financially desperate, and now I've lost my job. I feel like I have nothing of my own left to give at this point. What more could it possibly take? The only thing it hasn't stolen is my relationship and that's the thing I worry most about.

I feel destitute and scared. My entire life has been taken from me in the span of less than a year. It's difficult to describe how hopeless this has left me at times.

So here I am, 10 years later after first experiencing these and I'm in a shockingly similar situation: No job, living with parents, and relying on others for everything. I feel like a fucking loser. I did then, and I feel it now.

But I'm keeping my head up. I have a lot of support and I want to get better. Sarah has been my rock and is the one thing propelling me forward. I can't give up on her. She's put so much effort and love into helping me out on this journey and that just makes me want to push farther every day.

Just send some love my way. I really need it right now. I'm not sure where to go from here but it looks like I'll have to contact Daddy Government again to get on disability. I don't want to have to go through that process, but I feel like it'll be a slam dunk. Hopefully the process isn't dragged on like it is known to.

I can do this.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Sun Myung Moon invested nearly $3 million in a cruel chinchilla farm at Boonville

Chinchillas are smart: dolphins, porpoises and chinchillas can retain the ability to differentiate between 'p' and 'b', but they don’t develop language. They suffer when they live their lives in small cages.

Wikipedia:

Chinchillas are easily distressed, and when they are unhappy, they may exhibit physical symptoms.

In nature, chinchillas live in social groups that resemble colonies, but are properly called herds. Herd sizes can range from 14 members up to 100, this is both for social interaction as well as protection from predators.

As pets, Chinchilla not only need scrupulous physically care, like temperature control, diet control, but also psychological care, which refers to simply, playing with them. It is probably correct to say that the chinchilla is more sensitive psychologically than physically. It can survive an astonishingly bad diet, mistreatment and poor physical environment if psychological factors such as those caused by moving the animal from its accustomed quarters or shipping it.

▲ Chinchillas in their natural habitat in Chile

Paul Werner on Moon’s chinchilla providence: “In October 1983 we acquired our second farm and upon Father's request, started breeding chinchillas, in October 1984, after investing some time and money to accommodate them. They are very sensitive animals and require a certain temperature, meaning we had to install a heating system for the wintertime and air-conditioning for the summer. They are also most content listening to classical music.”

from the Personal Testimony of Rev. Paul Werner, May 1985

The business was probably called “American Chinchillas” which was connected to One Mind Farm, Inc., 14751 Hwy 128, Boonville, CA 95415.

One Mind Farm, Inc (Active). Date Established: Feb 17, 1981. The entity has been operating for 41 years and 9 months. In 1981 it may have been registered at 818 West Seventh St. 2nd Fl., Los Angeles, CA 90017

_______________________________

Sun Myung Moon’s teaching of the three blessings meant nothing to him.

Second blessing: Moon had illegitimate children (Hee-jin Moon +) while married to his first wife (Sun-gil Choi), and another (Sam Park) while married to Hak Ja Han. He showered her with cash and luxury goods. (ref. Nansook Hong)

Third blessing: While out fishing, Moon threw trash in the oceans and watched ginseng bottles as they bobbed into the distance. Moon condemned chinchillas to lives of suffering for the gain of his own family.

Some of these businesses may have been used for laundering money, as Nansook Hong explained. A lot of cash came in from Japan. (link below)

_______________________________

Hak Ja Han owned, or had a close connection to, a luxury clothes store, Christina Bahn Incorporated, in New York. It sold dresses and skirts – and coats, hats, stoles and muffs all made of fur. Wholesale furrier 401 5th Avenue, NY. Registered Agent: Haengmi Skulstad – Nicholas Skulstad (second gen) may be her son. He was connected with Sean Moon’s Rod of Iron.

Quote from the New York Times:

The Untold Story of Sushi in America By Daniel Fromson

Unification Church International would turn out to be much more than a sushi holding company. Sometimes directly and sometimes via a shell company, it would finance Moon’s media properties, his anti-Communist activism, his ballet company, his tax-fraud appeal by Laurence Tribe, even a chinchilla ranch in Northern California (which received nearly $3 million). But it would also be a vehicle through which the religion guided the seafood business.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/11/05/magazine/sushi-us.html

▲ Chinchillas are social creatures

_______________________________

The Moonie recruitment camps in Northern California By Gaye LeBaron  The Press Democrat  1993   The Boonville ranch became a farm. Most of the land is now leased for cattle grazing. A few followers of Moon still raise chinchillas [for fur] there. 


▲ Pelts from dead chinchillas

_______________________________

Christina Bahn coats for sale in Japan:

_______________________________

Sun Myung Moon’s forgery and tax fraud case

Sun-gil Choi, Moon’s first wife

Dong-sook (True Child) born 1955 (She attended Moon’s funeral)

Hee-Jin Moon born 1955 (hidden in Japan to protect Moon)

Sam Park was born in 1966

Nansook Hong on money laundering, etc.

[onefite]

10 Common Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown

10 Common Symptoms of a Mental Breakdown Introduction Feeling overwhelmed or having a tough time coping? You’re not alone. Many of us go through periods where it feels like the world is crashing down around us. This state often signals a mental breakdown, a term that describes a period of intense mental distress. During this time, managing day-to-day tasks can feel impossible. By understanding…

[josueuwiz05]

Difference Between Depression And Anxiety Psychologist Surfers Paradise (07) 5539 9798

Anxiety And Depression Psychologist Surfers Paradise

Call (07) 5539 9798 or Visit https://surfersparadisechiropractic.com.au/isabella-whittingham-registered-psychologist-gold-coast/ Introduction: Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent Episode Psychologist Surfers Paradise

In today's busy and demanding world, it is not unusual for individuals to experience depressive signs at some time in their lives. Dealing with these symptoms can be challenging, however with the ideal strategies and support, it is possible to take control of your psychological health and regain a sense of well-being. In this article, we will explore numerous aspects of depressive symptoms, including their causes, signs, and treatment choices. We will also supply useful tips and guidance on how to cope with these signs and improve your general psychological health.

Dealing with Depressive Symptoms: How to Take Control of Your Mental Health

Living with depressive signs can be frustrating and debilitating. However, by taking proactive actions and making positive modifications in your lifestyle, you can successfully handle these symptoms https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/psychologistsurfersparadise2/psychologistsurfersparadise/uncategorized/anxiety-depression-quotes-psychologist-surfers-paradise-07-5539.html and enhance your psychological well-being. Here are some essential methods to assist you take control of your mental health:

1. Seek Professional Assist - Anxiety Psychologist Surfers Paradise

One of the primary steps in handling depressive symptoms is seeking expert help from an anxiety psychologist in Surfers Paradise or other mental health specialists. They have the know-how and experience to detect and deal with anxiety efficiently. Through therapy sessions, they can assist you understand the origin of your anxiety and establish coping systems to manage your symptoms.

2. Recognize Depression Manifestations - Anxiety Symptoms Psychologist Web Surfers Paradise

It is important to acknowledge the symptoms and signs of depression so that you can look for prompt assistance. Common symptoms consist of persistent sensations of sadness or vacuum, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, changes in appetite or weight, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, tiredness or loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness or regret, problem focusing, and recurrent ideas of death or suicide.

3. Understand Anxiety Signs - Stress And Anxiety Symptoms Psychologist Internet Users Paradise

Depression and stress and anxiety often go hand in hand, and it is essential to understand the symptoms of anxiety too. Typical stress and anxiety signs include excessive concern or fear, uneasyness, irritation, problem focusing, muscle tension, sleep disturbances, and physical symptoms such as rapid heart beat or shortness of breath. If you experience both depressive and stress and anxiety signs, it is necessary to address both issues simultaneously.

4. Identify Signs of Anxiety - Symptoms Of Stress And Anxiety Psychologist Surfers Paradise

In addition to understanding anxiety symptoms, it is equally crucial to recognize the symptoms of anxiety. These can consist of excessive distressing, uneasyness, irritation, problem focusing, muscle stress, sleep disruptions, and physical symptoms like a fast heart beat or shortness of breath. Determining these signs can help you seek suitable treatment for both stress and anxiety and depression.

5. Acknowledge Signs of Anxiety - Signs Of Depression Psychologist Surfers Paradise

[luckyclover]

PARENTAL ALIENATION AND SUICIDE IN MEN

Leo Sher

James J. Peters Veterans’ Administration Medical Center and Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, New York, NY, USA

*****

Parental alienation is defined as a mental state in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high-conflict separation or divorce, allies himself strongly with one parent (the preferred parent) and rejects a relationship with the other parent (the alienated parent) without legitimate justification (Lorandos et al. 2013, von Boch-Galhau 2013). Parental alienation is anomalous, maladaptive behavior (refusal to have a relationship with a loving parent) that is driven by an abnormal emotional condition (the false belief that the rejected parent is evil, dangerous, or unworthy of love). The most common cause of parental alienation is indoctrination of the child by the alienating parent to dislike or be afraid of the target parent. The concept of parental alienation has been recognized by mental health professionals for many decades.

Suicide rates in men in Western countries are very high (Sher 2015, World Health Organization 2015). For example, age-standardized suicide rates among men in the United States, Canada, Croatia and Hungary are 19.4, 14.9, 19.8, and 32.4 per 100,000 population/per year, respectively (World Health Organization 2015). It is interesting to speculate that parental alienation may contribute to suicidality in adult men who were victims of parental alienation as children or in men who are alienated from their children.

Studies suggest that parental alienation is associated with long-term psychological damage (Baker 2005, Lorandos et al. 2013, von Boch-Galhau 2013, Bernet et al. 2015). For example, a recent study showed that reports of childhood exposure to alienating behaviors were statistically significantly associated with higher scores on most of the Symptom Checklist-90-Revised (SCL-90-R) scales (Bernet et al. 2015). Moreover, the degree of exposure to alienating behaviors was positively associated with higher scores on the SCL-90- R. The SCL-90-R assesses symptoms of psycho- pathology and provides global distress indices. Adults who had experienced parental alienation as children frequently suffer from depression and may have problems with alcohol and drugs (Baker 2005, Lorandos et al. 2013, von Boch-Galhau 2013, Bernet et al. 2015). Mood and substance use disorders are associated with suicidal behavior (Sher et al. 2001, Maris 2002).

The predominant feelings among alienated parents are helplessness, powerlessness, and growing despair (von Boch-Galhau 2013). Fathers who have lost some or all contact with their children for months or even years following separation or divorce are sometimes depressed and in a severe suicidal crisis since the loss of contact or restriction of the relationship between the children and the father is a very upsetting and painful experience for both the children and the father (von Boch-Galhau 2013). This may contribute to suicide in men.

Possibly, a decrease in the number and intensity of parental alienation cases may reduce suicidality in men. It is quite difficult to reduce the number and intensity of such cases. The alienating parent’s task is easy. The playing field is not level. It is prejudiced in favor of the alienating parent (Bone 2012). We must simply recog- nize this if it is to be overcome. Legal interventions may help. Dr. Ludwig F. Lowenstein, one of Britain's most quoted authorities on psychology in education wrote: “The threat of punishment for the alienator must be supported by punishment, including removing the child from mother’s care to a neutral place or to the alienated parent, and to use incarceration when necessary. Failure to carry out this distasteful, but necessary, action against the obdurate party would constitute a mockery of the judicial system. It is my experience as an expert witness to the Courts as a forensic, clinical psychologist, that most alienating parents, whether mothers or fathers, will obey a court order if punishment is threatened for fai- lure to adhere to the ruling” (Lowenstein 1999). Educa- tion of legal and mental health professionals and the general public may also help.

Acknowledgements: None. Conflict of interest: None to declare.

References

1. Baker AJ: The long-term effects of parental alienation on

[river2brook]

Coming out as a Transwoman: Answers to Frequent Questions

You may find that you have a bunch of questions now. So to help you with those here is a list of some of the more frequently asked questions I have received which I coupled with my responses. However, do keep in mind that I am only speaking about my own experience.

I never once saw you do anything stereotypical of an LGBTQ person. How do you know?

Actually, I did. Unfortunatly actions like these are stigmatized. I was pressured into either conforming as one of my male peers or else face hardship.  I was therefore socialized and pressured into presenting as a man. I became so good at masking and repressing these thoughts that I ended up suffering from the symptoms of repressed childhood trauma as an adult.  

Okay, so you didn’t know this because you repressed it before; why not keep doing that?

This discovery came about after years of growth and a deep desire to address a multitude of chronic issues. Thus, to chose to repress what I know can recall about myself will only exaserbate other issues. At best such efforts may allow me to survive, but I certainly could not thrive. Also, recall that I had already once repressed this knowledge. I was only able to repress these memories in that context: I was driven by a desire to avoid any more death threats or sexual assaults. We weaponize ignorance when we try to ignore inconvenient truths. Actions like these can embolden the oppressors and assailants. Finally, by repressing this truth I had to struggle with a whole host of chronic symptoms for much of my life. Some of these chronic symptoms included:

sleep issues (insomnia), fatigue, or nightmares

low self-esteem

Confusion/problems with concentration and memory

Unexplained pain and stomach distress

It’s Difficult To Control Your Emotions 

Strong Reactions To Sudden Situations, Specific People, and Places 

Frequently Emotionally Exhausted and Anxious

Emotion dysregulation, fear of abandondoment, and anger management issues

Thus, I am now becoming healthy with each passing day. I will speak to this more in a bit but for now, consider these two articles for more information:

Wait, does this mean you’ve changed your sexuality?

Fair question, but again no. Being trans is not about who someone is attracted to per say. Being trans is actually about externalizing my internal lifelong identity, an identity that was previously oppressed by others, and suppressed to the point of memory loss. 

So if being trans is not a choice, then help me understand what made you trans. Did the culture and politics influence you? Was this just something you chose to become.

No. No. And also No. Allow me to clarify: I didn’t choose this, rather I discovered that I am trans. The following quote may be helpful: “Theories of both psychological and biological causality have been forwarded and it is quite likely there are different causes for different individuals. Lately, strong research suggests that an incorrect amount of miss-timed secretion of male hormone during stages of fetal development may create a transgendered individual - whether male or female. Biologically, nature will produce a female unless male androgens are supplied at the right times and in the right amounts. There are physiological and mental gray areas between male and female "absolutes". Additionally, there are some theories arguing a genetic model of causality.”

Not sure how to ask this question, so allow me to use a house as a metaphor: you helped me understand your thinking by unpacking the attic, and I think I understand your heart on the ground floor. However, what about…you know…

Please don’t ask. No two trans people have the same experience. Here, I align with what you and I were both likely raised to believe: that it is innapropriate to ask or make a comment about these topics. 

How do you know this is healthy or safe?

I have relied upon a team of doctors and therapists to ensure I am following the WPATH standards of care for transgender individuals. Anecdotally, I have also been keeping track of my transition with a variety of metrics. Here is a handy comparison of just some of the healthy changes I have experianced during this journey: 

Before coming out: negative blood work results in several key areas. 

Today: all the negative results are now in a normal/expected range.

Before coming out: I carried a great deal of extra body weight.

Today: Now that I am living in the body that I want, I have successfully lost over 40 pounds with little effort.  

Before coming out: I could never address/fix my minor depression, anxiety, difficulty concentrating (compounded with ADHD) and avoidance of social situations.

Today: Symptoms related to these issues are at 1/2 their strength and fading!

[zanele1203]

Seek help!! stay away from mental hindrances!

(Mar 31, 2018) Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder are explained by the movie Silver Linings Playbook Directed by David O. Russell in the year 2012. It is an American romantic comedy-drama based on the novel “The Silver Linings Playbook”, by Matthew Quick. Pat Solitano character is portrayed by Bradley Cooper one of the leading and most famous actors in America. In the film, Pat Solitano is suffering from bipolar disorder and displays all the symptoms accurately. This movie made me easily understand the risk and the pain involved in the so-called bipolar disorder. Also, this movie shows how an individual might suffer without the help of professionals (doctors) and treatments. This video is a sum of all the major symptoms that evolved in bipolar which was very helpful with the details of the symptoms and the severity of the disorder to teach people who are not much aware of this mental illness.

Pat was experiencing delusions where he called the cops and told them that his wife and the guy were embezzling money from the local high school which was not true hence this caused conflict between him and his wife. He was experiencing mood swings, highly energetic and hyperactive accompanied by abnormal behavior, depression, and extreme down mood which may affect his social participation as not everyone likes to be around hyperactive people hence this may lead to isolation.

He is experiencing a sleep-related problem, which was having the inability to fall asleep hence this may affect the quality of activities and leisure participation as he might be feeling drowsy during the day. He also showed emotional outbursts caused by environmental factors which triggered his eruptions, and it was difficult to control this situation hence for people who are not aware of mental health issues this might distress them. The client’s work as an occupation is affected as a result this affects his role as a teacher hence his source of income is also affected which may increase the chances of depression.

It's okay not to be okay

The movie taught me that taking care of one's mental health can help one maintain one's ability to appreciate life. This entails striking a balance between one's daily activities, duties, and efforts to create psychological resilience. Stress, despair, and anxiety can all have an impact on a person's mental health and interrupt their routine. (https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/154543). The above-mentioned mental disorders, as well as many others, can negatively impact a person's life in a variety of ways, including an imbalance in areas of occupation. For example, a person suffering from bipolar disorder, such as Pat, avoided public spaces, negatively impacting his social participation and interpersonal relationships.

Other disorders that cause insomnia, such as stress, bipolar disorder, and depression, would impact one's productivity during the day because he/she couldn't get enough rest at night, resulting in poor performance in activities of daily living such as grooming (self-care) and instrumental activities of daily living such as home maintenance, meal preparation, and so on. Bipolar disorder may also result in poor work performance and the loss of a job. People with mental disorders deal with a variety of difficulties, including thought processing, attention and concentration, and the inability to judge, solve problems, and make judgments. This reduces one's quality of life. It can have a negative impact on productivity. If mental illness is not treated, it can lead to several additional issues in one's personal and professional life. As a result, it is critical to get treatment not only for relationships and job, but also for your own sake.

Don't be hard on yourself. Mental illness is not a personal failure. ( https://www.vectorstock.com/royalty-free-vector/mental-health-quotes-type-vector-22179826

[crymeariveronceagain]

cudgelling my brains

--My Good Friend Jonathan Harker

[sh00t]

I've been putting off setting up a fundraiser for months, but I recently became homeless so now's the time to do it. ❤️

I'm 23 and top surgery has been the only thing keeping me alive for over a year now.

I have c-PTSD, bipolar and late-diagnosed ADHD that has caused me to withdraw from university, escape my transphobic and abusive parents and pay for private healthcare in order to survive daily life. I am now homeless living in temporary accommodation from the council which I still have to pay for.

I’ve managed to save £5.5k the past three years to pay for top surgery (removal of breast tissue to achieve a flat, masculine chest). I’m now having to withdraw thousands from this fund due to worsening life circumstances. With my surgery quote at £7,991 and booked for 2nd November later this year, I’m facing working 48 hour weeks as a carer for people with dementia, in order to replenish my fund and pay for this live-saving surgery in time. Every month delayed has a huge impact on my mental and physical health.

I receive abuse and punishment at home which has contributed to my mental health and constant state of hypervigilance, even when there is no real threat around me. My stress resilience is tiny compared to my peers and I am extremely emotionally reactive to things, unable to cope with the intensity of my pain and regulate myself when distressed.

I have been seeing mental health professionals since I was 13, through school, charities and funding from Disabled Students Allowance. When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2020, I was self-harming and on track to ruining my life with addiction and £16k in debt.

Since then I’ve engaged in many forms of therapy that teach the basics of how to sleep and coping with emotions. I was on antidepressants and now on two mood stabilisers, hormone blockers to prevent persistent bleeding and further mood episodes, and am starting ADHD meds in order to get me functional, back to work and able to finish school again. My psychosomatic symptoms include nausea, digestion issues, muscle aches, cramps, and brain fog most days, which worsen when I’m stressed and leave me unable to even sit up in bed some days, leave the house or walk long distances.

I chose to study psychology because I want to be a therapist for disabled, queer, POC (people of colour) and immigrant students like me one day. Things I’ve done for the community include being a POC community officer for my uni's Pride Society, LGBTUIA+ rep for my course, getting charity funding for a BPD wellbeing community I co-started, and volunteering on the NHS LGBTI+ Sounding Board.

Now for the hardest part: asking for help.

Any donation (or simply sharing this fundraiser) could help ease the stress I'm going through as I struggle to budget for:

Therapy

ADHD treatment

Food & shelter

This life-saving surgery

Time to take care of myself, much less have fun

I've been so focussed on survival for so long. It's difficult to find motivation to do anything, and, especially recently, I think about wanting to die for several hours every day. I cancel outings with friends because the thought of travelling and having to schedule around 12 hour work shifts is too stressful. Figuring out where I'm going to sleep, shower and commute from, plus timing when to take my medication so I'm not sedated during work shifts, has me feeling constantly worried and sad.

Thank you in advance for any help, and if nothing else, reading and getting an understanding of issues trans people can face accessing healthcare.