#//he loves talking about his boat to anyone who listens

[inklore]

the lake is for lovers.

— tyler owens x f!reader

premise: summer will always be your favorite, spending weeks at the lake house with the crew. drinking, good food, sneaking off with tyler, making love under the stars. what more could a girl ask for?

contents: unprotected p in v, dirty talk, praise, foreplay, coming inside, alcohol consumption, oral, weed mention, fluff, tyler’s favorite pet name is baby ok fight me, he’s also thick as hell | wc: 6k+

note: this fic started out as filth on a dock, which then turned into me making a getting d at the lake playlist, which only worsened my tyler brainrot and made me write these cluster of filthy blurbs.

There were many reasons for you to love summer. 

Picnics under a favored willow tree, ice cream shops coming out with outlandish sugary concoctions that could take down even the most rambunctious five year old. The days are longer, filled with more laughs and bonfires. Fireworks—as if that had a designated season to be let off, Boone would take on anyone who thought differently. 

Tornado season was over, which, depending on who you asked, was not a reason to love the overheated season.

But your favorite thing about summer was by far the weeks you and the crew spent at Dex’s lake house back in Arkansas. A lake house that had gone from his retirement home when he left a shitty corporate job to a summer sanctuary for the family he found doing what he truly loved.

So every summer, all of you loaded up Tyler’s truck, the van, and the motor home and headed to the private dwelling, where you would spend the rest of the summer swimming, napping on the dock, raiding Boone’s smoke stash, and finding the nearest field to stare up at the stars. 

Or your favorite: drinking until Tyler wrangled you into the house and into bed before you and Dani took the boat out for a joy ride, or you and Lilly had another incident of lighting said boat on fire with a miss trajectory of a firework that Boone gets scolded at for bringing out when everyone was three sheets to the wind by your wrangler.

As if he didn’t love it.

As if he had not convinced you all to jump into the lake naked one night. 

“Oh no,” The man himself shook his head. Placing his hand over yours, your fingers wrapped around the head of a bottle of tequila. The cart already filled with boxes of Miller and Budweiser.

“Oh yes.” Your fingers wrapped together around the bottle, pulling it halfway off the shelf before he actually used force to stop you—that force being lacing his fingers with yours and squeezing.

Moving his body so he was standing beside you, chest to chest. Your brows raise when you try to pull the bottle again, and he squeezes your fingers harder.

“Tyler.” 

“Baby.” 

You roll your eyes, “Boone wants it.”

“Yeah, Boone wants it!” 

You both can’t help laughing as you hear the man himself yelling from three shelves away. 

“Lilly wants it too!” 

“Don’t be a pussy,” Dani yells as if there aren’t other people in the store with you—Tyler leaning his head back with a sigh, his mouth pulled in a smile. 

If the shop owner wasn’t used to the group of you making a pit stop at the decently sized—rundown—off the road liquor store several times during the summer; you’re sure he would have kicked half of you out. 

“Yeah,” you say, giving him that teasing smile, turning your head to the side. Walking your free fingers up his chest. “Don’t be a pussy.” You whisper, looking up at him. His smile turns into a smirk as he leans down, his lips hovering above yours. 

“The last time ya’ll had Tequila Boone got stuck on the roof.” He is completely serious, but he says it in that voice that makes you want to melt into his hands and do whatever he wants. That stern undertone that made you want to listen and rebel—either outcome was always one you loved. 

You nod. “True, but.” Your palm flattens against his chest, moving up until your fingers play with the baby hairs at the back of his neck. “If I recall, you weren’t complaining when you were fucking me sober that night. So, if anything, I think it’s a win for all of us.” 

“Not for Boone.”

“Not for Boone.” You both smile before pressing your lips together, Tyler’s hand guiding the bottle into the cart, trapping you between him in the cart when his arms wrap around your middle. 

“Glad you could see it my way.” You bite your bottom lip, your stomach fluttering, as he gives you that sweet smirk when you grab the ball cap from his head and slip it on yours. Pulling out of his arms to walk down the aisle, “now hurry up, so we can revisit memory lane.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

The first morning you’re there is when your worst hangovers occur. 

The first night of drinking is always the hardest you do, as if the steam of working for months wrangling and chasing storms has finally been let out. Decompressed of the pressures of having to worry about live streaming and fixing something on Ty’s truck.

It was a blessing that the nearest neighbor was at least five minutes away, with Tyler’s perfectly curated playlist blaring from the speakers that lined the aforementioned truck. Boone being louder than the aforementioned music, Dani and Lilly hollering when one of them loses whatever competitive thing they’re doing. Dex mixing up some concoction inside the house and insisting it’ll help with the hangover, even though you all know it won't, but damn, does it taste good. 

You and Tyler occupying yourselves around the fire, his hands on your hips, holding you close to him as you sway to the music. His lips at your neck, leaving small nips and kisses along your skin until you turn around to scowl at him. His hands slipping into the back pockets of your shorts. 

“You’re a bad dance partner.” 

“You’re even worse.” His hand wraps around yours to press to the front of his jeans, where he’s hard and straining against them. “Can’t focus on my moves when my girl’s causin’ such a distraction.”

You smile up at him, running your fingers along the outline of his dick. “Poor boy. Should your girl take you upstairs and fix this little problem?”

“Little?” His brows raise, giving you a look that makes you laugh at the amusement on his face. “Now we’re definitely going upstairs.” 

You’re laughing all the way up the stairs, Tyler grinning as he talks shit the entire way up, slapping your ass until it feels red and raw through your shorts. 

And when he has you naked and pressed to the mattress, your ass in the air, thighs coated in your own slick from him, bringing you right to the precipice of your orgasm, only to keep taking it away until you started whining and he gripped your hips and flipped you over. Pulling your hips up, his teeth biting into your ass cheek. 

The head of his cock runs through your folds, the wet noise that comes from him separating them to press at your entrance makes you whimper. 

When he pushes in slow, too fucking slow, your fingers dig into the quilt. Your legs shaking, your body wanting to pull away from the intrusion—no matter how stretched out you already are from his fingers and tongue, the burn from the stretch of his cock never compares to it. Always stretches you out until you feel too full, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. 

Tyler presses a kiss at your tailbone, his cock almost fully inside of your fluttering pussy. “Still think it’s little, baby?”

And after you’re coated in sweat and your throat is hoarse and raw, your legs jelly, your pussy feeling swollen and dripping from the several orgasms Tyler fucked out of you—and the come he fucked into you; wrapping your legs around his hips so there was nowhere for either of you to go while he did so; your body is limp against his chest. His fingers running along your spine. 

You feel completely spent and sedated, the liquor aiding in the job of lulling your body completely. But Tyler is all smiles and wide awake—after all these years together, you still have no idea what makes a tornado wrangler tired. 

He’s always raring to go, and it’s both hot and frustrating at the same time. 

You groan when he moves your body gently off of his, making a quick trip downstairs. A glass of water in his hand seconds later, demanding you sit up and drink half, even through your protests. A hand rubbing at your back. 

“Good girl,” he says, sweetly kissing your cheek and putting the glass on the nightstand. He’ll ask you if you want to shower because the both of you are covered in sweat and come and you’ll only reply by pulling him back down in bed with your face pressed to his chest. 

His chuckle shakes your cheek when he shuts the lamp off, pulls the quilt over your shoulders, and presses a kiss atop your head. 

But best believe he pulls your ass into the shower when the sun rises. Your head pounding from the shots you and Lilly threw back and from the beers you drained. Tyler’s fingers are gentle as he washes your hair. Gentle as he washes your body. He presses a kiss on each of your shoulders when he washes your back.

That space between your legs still feeling swollen from last night's activities, but his fingers still find their way between them. His palm on the shower wall as he stands behind you and rubs your clit until you’re coming. 

Teeth, lips, and tongue at the back of your neck coaching you through it, “that’s my girl.” He’ll praise you like you’ve just wrangled your own kind of storm. A storm he caused. 

A storm that always helps your pounding headache just a little more than the eggs Dexter places on your plate when you make your way downstairs. 

“I think I’m goin’ sober for the resta’ the summer.” Boone groans between his palms. Palms that are stopping his drooping head from falling into his eggs.

“Lilly’s making flamin’ peppers tonight.” Dani grins from the head of the table, chewing on a piece of bacon. It has the reaction you all expect, Boone picking up his head, perking up, and feigning excitement. 

“Really?” 

You all laugh together, regardless of how much it hurts your temples. 

“You’re supposed to be soaking up the heat, not staring, Owens.” 

You squint from the sun as you turn your head to him, the two of you lying out on the dock. Letting the sun dry you off from your swim in the water. Something that should be relaxing.

But Tyler clearly distracted himself by staring at you. 

“Can’t I do both?” He grins, lying on his side, his head propped up by his hand.

“You’re gonna have the worst farmer's tan.”

“Worth it for the view.” He kisses you, his finger and thumb lightly pinching your chin. 

It doesn’t take long for his kiss to progress from a sweet peck to something more as his tongue licks into your mouth. With the way his thumb circles your nipple through your swimsuit, his hand moves down your torso to the top of your bottoms, easily slipping past them. 

“Tyler,” you warn through a breath when his finger runs along your folds. 

“What?” He smiles against your neck, “it’s just us.”

“Dani and Dexter are literally out on the water.”

“They’re tryna catch dinner. They’re far gone.” The pad of his finger runs against your clit in a slow circle. Making you gasp, your hips chasing the touch. 

“Boone,” you swallow. Try to be the level headed one here, “Lilly.” 

“Store.” He says it simply. Teeth nipping at your ear, “let me make my girl come.” His finger adds pressure to your clit, making you moan. “Please,” he whispers against your ear. 

And if this man made you a sane woman, you’d pull his hand away and make him take you inside. But sanity has no room around Tyler. Sanity didn’t send you into a tornado with him. Didn’t have you riding him in the front seat of his truck after afternoons of chasing, the adrenaline still pumping through your veins.

No, being in love with Tyler Owens causes sanity to fly out the window. Made you throw caution to the wind. Made you chase that high. Made you ride it. 

Made you want and beg for more.

His love was soft and ever consuming. A gentleness that made up for the intensity of everything else. It’s why it was so easy for you to put your life in his hands every single day you went out into the storm.  

That’s why your legs bend and open for him, and why you let his fingers fuck you on the dock where you could easily get caught. His thumb rubbing your clit, your body burning, your pussy clenching and pulling his fingers in. 

“Don’t stop, baby, don’t stop.” He grunts in your ear as your hips move, fucking yourself down on his fingers when your orgasm gets closer and closer until you’re coming and his hand is in your hair, pulling your mouth to his so he can swallow your loud moan. Can hold you through the euphoric high that has your body shivering even with the sun shining down on it. 

His fingers slip from you wet and coated with your come. His eyes never leave yours when he brings his fingers to his lips and licks them clean before grinning, grabbing your jaw, and sharing the fruits of his labor. 

“Hey, lovebirds,” Lilly hollers as she slams the van door. “Come help us!” 

"Comin',” Tyler yells back, a smirk on his face as his eyes waggle at the double meaning. 

“You’re ridiculous.” You laugh, pushing at his chest as you stand and walk down the dock. Arms wrap around you, making you both waddle down the rest of the way. Tyler kissing your cheek. You can still feel his hardness against your ass—hardness that was just grinding itself against your hip. 

“I love you,” he says softly. 

“More?” 

“More than anything.” 

You lean your head back against his shoulder, smiling. “Infinitely.” 

“Unbound.” 

When you two step off the last wood plank of the dock, you stop, both turning your heads to kiss each other. Your hand lifts to run your fingers through the back of his hair. 

"Oh, don’t worry, we got it, ya’ll!” Lilly says sarcastically from the porch. 

You smile against Tyler’s lips. “I love you. But let's go help before she refuses to share the good snacks with us.”

“Damn right, I will!” She yells as she shakes a box of said snacks in her arms. 

Tyler laughs and presses one last kiss on your lips before he untangles himself from you and runs over to the van. 

“Ain’t no way!”

“Pick up the slack!”

“I’m doin’ my best here!” 

You and Tyler laugh as Dani and Boone argue as you both sink the white balls into their cups. Dani scowling as she downs her drink, and Boone raises his high with a frown as he does the same. 

When Boone misses and Dani gets one in their next turn, the way they cheer and high five warms something inside of you instead. Brings joy to the already loose buzzing that thumps through your veins from how many sips you’ve had tonight. Your cheeks are heated and hurting from all the laughing you’ve been doing. 

You grab the cup, ready to down its contents but Tyler puts his hand over the top, grabbing it from you and downing it in one gulp. Sending you a wink. Whispering in your ear when he leans over the table to put the now empty cup alongside the other ones, “I want to take you somewhere.” 

It’s all the explanation you need as to why he doesn’t want you too far gone. You hadn’t seen him drink anything tonight besides the few cups Dani and Boone—mostly Dani—landed their ball in. 

Some nights, he doesn’t drink at all.

Some nights he makes sure everyone goes to bed with something other than booze warming your stomachs—usually a frozen pizza he always burns at the bottom, or the infamous Ty Club Sandy, as Boone has deemed to call it. Filling you up until you are on the cusp of being sober and ready for your heads to hit your pillows. 

Tyler took his appointed mother hen role even further for the rest of the night until the aforementioned heads hit your pillows.

Sitting in the caravan with Boone for hours until he exhausted himself from talking about new ideas for the channel and one of his favorite subjects: pyrophilia. 

Or lounging on the couch and listening to Lilly and Dani talk about ways to make Kyro better, new elements to add for better views in the sky. 

Dexter always passes out before anyone, filling his gut and waving goodnight before disappearing down the hall.

Tyler making his way up to your bedroom after everyone had gone off to bed. Cleaning himself up and crawling under the sheets with you—having sent you up to bed hours ago with a pat on your ass and plans to be ready for him when he got up there, knowing full well you would fall asleep before an hour even passed.  

His arms wrap around you, pulling you closer to him, face pressed into the back of your neck. The two of you drifting off to sleep. You take it upon yourself to keep his plans of being ready for him when you wake him up with your mouth wrapped around his cock. 

His hips pushing up into your mouth, languid and sporadic, until he’s fully woken up. His jaw tightens before falling open when he looks down at you and watches you circle your tongue around his tip. 

“Morning,” you’ll say with a smile and he’ll groan softly. Matching your smile with a grin of his own, that look of lust and desire morphs his beautiful features into something needy.

He’ll try to speak, try to say something sweet or filthy, but the words never come out. Just heavy pants and his teeth swelling up his bottom lip as he watches you—as he throws his head back against the pillow and groans.

When you pull him out of your mouth and straddle his hips, you reach behind you to guide him through your wetness, keeping his eyes on yours the entire time. Mouth twitching when you slide down on him slowly. When your own eyes flutter closed from the burning stretch. 

You ride him slowly, leaving marks along his neck and chest from your lips and nails digging into his skin when he tries to buck his hips up—fuck you harder. Set the pace that he craves so much when you are on top of him like this. A pace he adores, from how lost you become in pleasure, from your tits bouncing in his face, to how beautiful you look taking the reins. 

But you stop your movements each time you feel his hips move. The look he gives you is pitiful and needy.

“Fuck, baby.” 

You smile, lean down, and kiss his chin as you start to move your hips again, just as slowly. “I’m just tryna make up for last night.”

“You’re killin’ me.” 

After the two of you have wiped the floor with Boone and Dani and they’re demanding Lilly and Dex go against them next because they know they’ll actually win this time; Tyler grabs your hand and walks you to his truck, opening the door for you to climb inside. 

“Is it safe for you to drive?”

“Would I put you in a situation where you weren’t safe?” He grabs your hand and kisses the top of it. 

You can always tell when he’s buzzed or drunk; his cheeks get flushed and his eyes squinting more than usual when he smiles or laughs. He’s sober. 

When you finally get to the spot, you turn to give Tyler a look. He’s all smiles as he drives through a field of tall grass, turning the wheel to back up his truck the rest of the way before coming to a stop once you reach a clearing that seems like nothing but marsh land. 

Until you’ve stepped out of the truck and walked around the back. Your eyes light up when you see a pond a little bigger than an EF3 filling the rest of the field. 

The moon and stars shine off the water, painting it in the darkest blue you’ve ever seen. Water lilies float along the top, with pickerelweed and cattails lining the edges. The crickets and lightning bugs add to the ambience of it all. 

“How did you find this?” You ask as he helps you climb up into the bed of the truck, where a blanket and pillows are already laid down. 

“Dex told me about it.” 

“You sap’s.” You say with a sweet smile, pulling him down to your lips. 

Tyler only further proves the sap allegations when he pulls out two of your favorite bags of snacks. His back leaned against the pillows, you leaning against him, his arms around you as you shared the salty and sweet treats. Your hand reaching back to feed him as you look up at the stars. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Tyler whispers against your lips when the snacks are gone, fingers licked clean, kisses pressed to lips, the mood changing until you’re naked and under him and his hips are thrusting slowly between your thighs. “So pretty,” he kisses you, runs his lips along your jaw, “perfect,” latch on the side of your neck, “my girl.” His words attenuated by his thrusts. 

His fingers are in your hair, at the back of your neck, and on your chest, playing with your nipples, squeezing a hand around them, and bringing his mouth to the pert bud. Teeth nipping at your collar bone, tongue licking between the space of your breasts, grunts against your ear. Fingers at your hip, against your clit—he’s everywhere. Consuming you. Pulling you apart, putting you together, slowly, gently, with a stroke, a touch, a kiss, a bite. 

Fucking you like it’s the first time. 

Fucking you like he has all the time in the world. 

Like he wants you to feel his love with every thrust. Every praise in your ear. 

Your fingers dig into his biceps, legs lifting and pressing against his sides, pushing him deeper inside you. Your breath heavy, your moans, sweet mewls, music to his ears. 

“Tyler,” you whimper against his shoulder. 

His arms bracket around your head, thrusts picking up when he feels your pussy tighten around his cock. “I know, baby.” His words are breathed into your ear, heavy and weak, letting you know he’s just as close. “Gonna come, you gonna take it like a good girl?” You nod, dig your nails into his back, reaching your peaks together. 

Tyler stays on top of you even after your breaths have evened out. His thumb runs along your cheek as he looks down at you. His smile is soft and filled with love. It makes your stomach flutter—something that hasn’t stopped since the day you met him. 

When he finally does pull out, neither of you move to right yourselves or head back. He covers you with another blanket he pulls from somewhere behind you. Your head against his chest as you look up at the sky. Tyler’s fingers playing with yours. A peaceful silence passes between you for what feels like forever, basking in each other. Listening to the bugs and frogs around the pond. 

“Marry me.” 

You chuckle softly, “your come hasn’t even dried inside me yet.” You joke. Don’t think twice about it; it hadn’t been the first time he had playfully asked you. Declared to the world that you would be his wife one day: in a tornado riding the high, saying he would make you his wife when you put your computer science degree to good use and ran better numbers than he could have come up with on his own. When you would have to travel home to visit family for a week and leave the crew behind, his arms squeezing you upon your return, saying the winds are dead, everything's dead when you’re not around, don’t leave again, marry me. 

So you don’t chalk it up to anything but that until you feel something cold slip onto your finger. Tyler brings your hand up so the moon is shining down on it, a pretty diamond twinkling in the moonlight. 

“Marry me.”

Your heart falling to the pit of your stomach as you rush to sit up. Your palm against your chest, your eyes wide, and staring down at your hand before whipping around to look at him. The smile on his face is to fucking die for. 

“Tyler.”

“Baby.” 

“Are you serious? Are you sure?” 

He laughs, reaches out for you, and pulls you into his lap. “I’ve been sure since the day I saw you.”

“That’s dramatic.” 

“Ask Boone,” he smiles. Stares down at the ring on your finger that you still have held up, “told him five months into us datin’ that I had a ring picked out.”

You chew on your bottom lip, try to hold back the tears that pool in your eyes. “That’s insane.” 

“If you want somethin’, you take it.” 

“You already got me.”

“And I ain’t ever letting go.” He grabs your hand, rubs his thumb against the ring on your finger. Looks at you with so much love that you think you could die from it and be just as happy as you are right now. “Will you marry me?” 

You don’t think you’ve ever wanted something more in your life. 

“Yes.”  

“Yes?” He asks as if he’s surprised, his smile and laugh filled with a childish joy and happiness. Like a child finally getting a gift he had always wished for.

“Yes!” 

He grabs your face, kissing you. Kissing you until you are both laughing and it’s all teeth and someone's crying, and you’re not sure if it’s him or you or who’s shaking or cheering. 

“I love you,” he says. You can feel his heart pumping against the palm on his chest. His palms are hot against your tear stained cheeks. Thumb swiping loose droplets away. 

“More?” 

“More than anything.” 

You can’t even finish your little rhyme before kissing him again. Whispering that you love him back against his lips. This man was going to be your husband. This man who has completely taken over your life and swirled it upside down since the first day you saw him. 

This man who has shown you a new world. Given you new meanings of life. Given you a love that puts storybooks to shame. Given you a family that will only grow if the two of you decide on it, but is already so perfect the way it is. 

You couldn’t imagine marrying anyone but Tyler Owens. 

The next day, you obviously have to celebrate. 

The entire crew cheered and rushed you when the two of you had come home, and Tyler lifted your hand to the sky like you just won something. 

“Yes!”

“That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!”

“That’s ma boy!”

“Bout time!”

Boone spins you, Lilly is already mapping out the perfect location for the nuptials, and Dani and Dex are hugging and clapping Tyler on the back. 

So the next day is one big celebratory day. 

Dex prepares a breakfast so large that you all groan and sprawl in the living room while watching movies you have all seen a dozen times, aiding in your hearty meal putting you to sleep. 

A nice nap that has you all waking up more rested than before and spending the rest of the afternoon out on the water. Tyler and Dex grill the fish you caught when you come home.

Your legs in Tyler’s lap, all of you sedated and full, and laughing around the table afterwards until Boone comes through the screen door with two bottles in his hand: tequila and whiskey. 

“Oh no,” Lilly says, laughing against her hand. 

“Absolutely not.”

“You never mix light and dark, comin’ Boone, you know this!”

"Guys, we’re celebratin’,” Boone ignores everyone’s protests and grabs the shot glasses he was keeping for safekeeping in his pockets, apparently. Filling them up with tequila when he asks the bride to be which she wants, a big smile on his face. 

He slides yours and Tyler’s over to you, Tyler shaking his head with amusement written all over his face when you frown playfully and say, “Happy wife, happy life?” 

He sighs and pinches your legs, teasing, and grabs the shot glass. “I’m not helpin’ you off the roof this time.” 

Boone makes a face, and everyone clinks their glasses together, throwing back the liquor.

It’s the first of many shots that has you hours later playing some kind of drinking game that you forget the rules of, which then leads into Boone and Tyler accusing you and Lilly of cheating. Which then leads to the four of you settling it by seeing who can shotgun a beer faster. 

“You got this!” Dani pat’s Lilly on the shoulder like a fighter about to get into the cage. 

Tyler smirks down at you, “you sure ‘bout this, baby?” 

“Don’t call me that. You’re the enemy!” You put your hands on your hips and step up to him. Staring up at him in the most intimidating way you can, even though he could throw you over his shoulder easily in seconds. Your voice low enough for only him to hear you say, “we both know I’m really good with my mouth.” 

His teeth sink into his bottom lip. “Won’t argue with you there.” His thumb comes up and runs against your jaw, “let’s make a bet, alright? You win, I’ll show you how good my mouth is, and if I win, you show me.” 

You smirk, “deal.” 

Once the beers are handed out and the bottoms have been punctured, your thumb presses against the slit, and a glare shot over at Tyler. His grin never leaves his face, even when Dex and Dani yell go, and all of you are putting the bottoms of your beers in your mouths. 

Your gaze locks on his the entire time. Your mouth almost slips when his hand comes up to hold your can to your mouth better, his fingers squeezing, making you swallow faster. Finish faster. You and Lilly cheering when you win. 

A win that Tyler clearly aided in. 

A win he was more than happy to give you. 

And if you didn’t love having his mouth on your pussy, you would probably fight harder against him letting you win. But it’s hard to be mad when later he’s between your thighs, fingers spreading your pussy to give him even more access to your throbbing clit. 

Your hips guide his mouth where you want it, where you need it, and how you want his tongue to move against your clit. How you want his lips to suction against you. Tyler always listening to your body. 

Your fingers are messing up his hair, “why did you let me win?” 

He smiles around your clit, “I think I won.” He bites your thigh before turning his attention back to the part of your body he is fucking his tongue against, eliciting whimpers and moans from your lungs. Your back arching up from the mattress. 

Some nights are chiller than others. 

Some nights, you give your livers a break and hangout around the fire for hours. Dex telling stories, Dani and Lilly rolling Boone’s stash into tight blunts they share amongst those who want it. Boone lying in the grass, listening intently to Dex. You sat in Tyler’s lap, his fingers running along your legs. 

His fingers sometimes find the ring on yours, twisting it around. Making sure it’s still there. He smiles over at you and leans in for a kiss. 

The night is filled with a lot more laughs when three out of the six of you are baked and bring out the s’mores kit’s Lilly bought for each of you. 

“Six is a bit much.” 

“Uh, have you seen the way Boone eats?” 

“She’s got ya there.” Boone agrees as he tears into a burnt marshmallow on the stick in his hand. 

Tyler roasts you one, holds the stick while you happily eat the melted sugar. “Want some?” You ask, his answer comes in the form of placing his mouth over yours and kissing you until your mouth parts and his tongue runs along your bottom lip and into your mouth. 

“When you guys get married, will we see less of this?”

“More probably.”

“Less. They’ll have their own place by then.” 

“Ah, what? We won’t all be shackin’ up together?”

“Boone, they’ll be married.”

“They’re basically married now!” 

You laugh against Tyler’s lips, “ya’ll are losing your invites real fast.” He says turning towards them. 

“What did I do?” Dex asks innocently around a marshmallow. 

Some nights, it gets so hot that not even the cold from the lake can be whipped through the windows by the breeze. The trees still. The humidity heavy and sticky, making you wake up with sweat glistening on your skin.

The two fans blowing towards the bed useless. 

“Tyler.” You whine softly as you push his arm from your midsection. Can’t stand to feel the warm heat of his chest pressing to your back, mixed with the humidity filling the room. 

“Baby,” he says groggily. Putting his arm back around  your waist and pulling you close again.

“You’re going to give me heatstroke. How are you not dying?” You groan, freeing yourself from his grip long enough to remove your tank top and shorts before he grabs you again. More awake now than before. 

“The fans are goin’,” he says softly into your neck.

“They’re useless.” 

He chuckles, “want to go jump in the lake?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

He hums, kisses your shoulder, doesn’t care that your body is coated in a sheen of sweat as his lips move to your neck, his hand cupping your cheek. He turns your head back to his. “I can distract you,” he smirks. Hips moving against your ass, his dick hard. 

“You’ll only make it worse,” you breathe when he bites the skin just below your ear. 

“Ya sure?” His other hand slips between the two of you, pushing your panties to the side and pulling himself from his briefs. “I don’t gotta put it in, baby.” He positions his cock so it’s rubbing through your folds, his tip moving against your clit, making you moan into his mouth. 

Ass pushing back against him, “I can make you forget all ‘bout the heat and focus on coming along, my cock.” When the slide of his cock becomes more slick from your pussy growing wetter, he grunts against your mouth. “See, your body has already forgotten about it. It needs somethin’ else.” You whine, wrap your fingers around his wrist. Moan in his mouth, “what’s it need, baby?” The tip of his cock teases with the slightest pressure against your entrance, your body bracing, craving the stretch, only for him to take it again. “What do you need, baby?”

“You,” you breathe. Look at him with hooded eyes, chin wobbling. 

“Say it again,” he grunts.

“I need you, Tyler.” His mouth twitches when he slides inside of you, his eyes watching as your eyes close in ecstasy. Nails digging into his wrist from the stretch of his cock. 

“It’s all yours,” he kisses you. Says your name when he lets out that shaky groan when he’s bottomed out. When your body shudders while trying to adjust. His voice a mumble against your skin when he asks you if you’re ready for him to move, if you can take it, if you want to take it, knows you can take it. Be a good girl, and take what you want, what you need; it’s yours.

He’s yours.

Infinitely. 

Unbound.

Always.

His.

[miley1442111]

i was thinking about a rafe x fem thornton !reader where Rafe is Toppers bsf and can’t help saying things about reader who’s toppers sister. topper gets like ‘ew bro wtf she’s my sister’

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name of the game?- r.cameron

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a/n: Hello! thank you so much for requesting and sorry it took so long!

pairing: rafe cameron x fem! thornton! reader

summary: i suggest you look at the request

warnings: suggestive mentions, kissing, rafe and topper getting angry, reader gets fed up

============

You felt Rafe’s hands on your ass before you knew what was happening. “Fuck off!” you squealed as you jumped from the boat and into the crystal water. You heard Rafe’s hearty laugh as you resurfaced. 

“I’m sorry baby,” he smiled. “Too pretty.”

“Dude! That’s my fuckin’ sister!” Topper complained as Kelce dragged him inside. Rafe responded with his middle finger. 

You rolled your eyes at him, and swam about for a while. When you came back, Rafe was standing by the ladder with a smile. “Hey baby.”

“Hi,” you pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder (the nearest place to his head that you could reach with your lips easily), and moved past him, into the boat with a towel wrapped around you. Topper and Kelce were inside with their girlfriends, all either napping or chatting. 

You lay on one of the couches, taking out your phone as you scrolled mindlessly through social media. You loved days like these, hot, summer days where you could just take out the Cameron yacht and swim, lounge, and be with Rafe as much as you liked. Rafe sat beside you, pulling your head into his lap and playing with your hair as you chuckled at your phone. 

Rafe adored you, it was clear to anyone who looked at you two. You were Topper’s twin, and at the start, he hated the idea. He knew what Rafe was, how Rafe treated girls, but he somehow warmed up to the idea, though he didn’t like seeing you two being affectionate when he was there. Which was fine, usually. But today? Rafe was being extra affectionate, you assumed it had something to do with the fight the two boys had earlier in the week, a fight which was stupid and insignificant, but both sides had been talking your ear off about it all week. You were at wits end, and if they dragged it out any longer, you’d probably block the both of them and just stay at friends house until they worked it out. 

“Dude,” Topper scoffed. “Seriously?”

Rafe shrugged, feigning innocence as a hand travelled from your hair to your chest. You swatted his hand away and sighed. 

“Behave,” you warned and Rafe just smirked. 

“You should listen to your girlfriend,” Topper said, annoyance dripping from his voice. “That’s fucking gross.”

“Topper, behave,” you warned, noticing how the skin on Rafe’s neck started going red, and how his temper was rising. “I’m going out to tan,” you announced, getting up and pulling Rafe with you, hoping they’d just squash this dumb drama they’d created. 

You lay out on the sunchair as Rafe sat on the one beside you, holding your hand. “He’s such a dick,” his leg was bouncing, he had that far-off look in his eye, and his hand was squeezing yours quite tight. 

You took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. “Ignore him.”

Rafe’s head snapped up. “How the fuck can I ignore him when he’s shouting at me for loving my fucking girlfriend? What is his fucking problem?!” 

You rolled your eyes behind your sunglasses and sighed. “Then keep being annoyed at him! I don’t give a fuck Rafe, just stop making today all about your fucking fight.”

He was silent for a few moments, a rare scene. Rafe was ridiculously talkative with you, it made you confused because people always used to tell you that he was rather reserved and introverted. 

“Baby?” he sputtered out. 

“Yeah?”

“Have I ever told you how hot you are?” he pressed kisses up your hand and arm, eventually ending up on his knees beside you. You chuckled as he started kissing your neck, and moving you over to have you lie on top of him. He got you to straddle him as he pulled you in for one intoxicating kiss after the other and you found yourself getting as hot as he was. Maybe it was the tan he had, or his freshly shaven head, or maybe it was just Rafe, but he looked good. 

“Love you so much,” he whispered. 

“Love you too,” you replied, letting your hands explore. 

“So pretty baby. So pretty for me,” he smiled as he pulled back to kiss your neck. As his hands went further down, your awareness of the world around you plummeted, and you sadly did not notice your older brother coming out for a swim. 

“EW!” he screamed as you and Rafe jumped apart. “Fuck’s sake man! I need to go bleach my fucking eyes after that!”

Rafe rolled his eyes and tried to pull you back on his lap, but you resisted. “Go bleach your fucking eyes then bitch.”

“Rafe!” you scolded. “Sorry Top, we thought you were staying inside.”

Topper just shook his head and walked back inside, obviously to go complain some more. 

“This is fuckin’ ridiculous,” Rafe cursed, lying back. “I can’t even kiss my own girlfriend on my fucking boat.”

“Yeah, you fucking can’t,” you scoffed, walking off. Did he really have to piss Topper off? You’d never hear the end of it. It was infuriating having those two hold each other over your head, always fighting about you. It drove you insane. 

“Baby come on,” Rafe sighed, trying to grab your hand. “I’m sorry baby-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” you interrupted. “Just let me enjoy the rest of my day on my own, please Rafe. You two are driving me insane.” 

He nodded, despite how badly he wanted to be around you, and set off inside to make up with Topper, determined to make this work. He was his best friend, what’s the worst that could happen?

============

“I’m sorry I’m dating your sister,” Rafe blurted out. Both Topper and Kelce turned to look at him, as their girlfriends just absented themselves from the conversation to speak to you. “But we can’t keep doing this bullshit. I love her-”

“Bullshit,” Topper swore. “You wouldn’t know love if it hit you in the fucking face.”

Rafe took a deep breath. “I love her. Genuinely, I do. And us fighting drives her crazy, because she loves you, and she loves me-”

“Has she said that?” Topper questioned, sounding much too condescending for Rafe’s liking. 

“Yes,” he gritted out. 

Topper nodded. “But you know why I’m mad, right?”

Rafe nodded reluctantly. “PDA,” he mumbled. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you?” Topper mocked.

“PDA,” Rafe said more clearly. “I’ll tone it down.”

“You will. Because that’s my little sister,” he scoffed.

“But can’t you get why I’m annoyed?” 

“What the fuck do you have to be annoyed about?” 

“She’s my girlfriend! I should be allowed to kiss my girlfriend on my fucking boat!” He whined. 

Top rolled his eyes, sarcastically answering. “Sure, just keep it away from me, don’t invite me on the next one, how about that?”

“Top, you two need to fix this,” Kelce added. “Y/n’s going crazy.”

Both the boys sighed. 

“Truce?” Top offered, holding out his hand.

“Truce,” Rafe nodded, taking his hand. Top pulled Rafe down to whisper in his ear. 

“If you fucking hurt her, I’ll kill you.”

Rafe just chuckled, knowing he could probably punch him once and he’d be out cold. “Sure, buddy.”

Topper rolled his eyes as Rafe walked off with a satisfied smirk, always getting what he wanted with minimal effort. It was almost impressive how easy things came to him.

============

obx masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)

[erwinsvow]

introducing... bitchy reader!

rafe never pays attention to sarah’s friends. new yet similar faces seem to make the rounds through tannyhill every week; the place was a revolving door. the occasional familiar girl would say hi to him, which would of course be ignored since he doesn’t care enough to say hi back.

so naturally, you become the exception to his little rule.

you and sarah are on opposite sides of the counter, flicking through magazines and taking sips from overpriced iced coffees, when he overhears a conversation that makes him stop and listen.

“-and he’s not like topper, like, at all. he’s really nice and actually talks to me instead of at me-”

“wow,” he hears you say, dragging out the syllables and sarcasm dripping from your voice. “such standards you have. no, really.”

“shut up. he’s totally sweet-” sarah says, but you interrupt her.

“he’s, like, totally a dirty pogue.” that catches his attention—not just the fact that there’s something going on between his sister and some pogue, but the way you say the sentence, how the words sound coming from your mouth. 

you nearly sound like rafe.

“that is so rude-”

“what? i’m just being honest. i’d be a bad friend if i didn’t tell you the truth.”

“what truth?” his sister questions.

“that you’re settling for some pogue boy because you’re bored of top. i get it. if i was dating him i’d be bored enough to fuck a pogue too.”

rafe cringes at the topic even though your word choice makes him laugh—topper is boring, though he doesn’t think he’s heard anyone else bring it up until now. he steps back into the doorway, watching the two of you. the crass words are coming from you, dressed in a sunny yellow dress and tapping pretty pink nails against the counter. 

“hey! i’m not bored-”

“you mean, you like hearing about his boat and golf every single day?”

“he has other hobbies! like-”

“like what?” you pause, watching sarah’s expression before giving her a pointed look—a look that says told you so. “who are you really trying to convince right now?” you flip through another magazine, finding something that must have caught your eye. you lift it to show sarah—some pinked striped pajamas and fuzzy slippers on the pages. “don’t i totally need this?”

“shut up.”

“that’s what someone says when they know the other person’s right,” you say with a mocking smile, setting down the magazine. he’s watching the whole thing—you’re funnier than he would have thought. “and if you change your mind just go to country club. top’s dime a dozen there.” the two of you start laughing. 

“i’m not gonna change my mind-”

“that’s what you said when you started dating topper,” you say it deadpan, and rafe holds back a laugh.

“-because he’s really nice. he’s a good guy.”

“ugh, sarah. making out with a dirty pogue at a bonfire is one thing. you’re talking like you’re in love. get a grip.”

“what? what’s so wrong with that?” sarah asks, taking a sip of her drink.

“because you can’t be in love with someone you have to hide your valuables around.” that’s when he decides to walk in—sarah sputtering on her drink while you roll your eyes.

“and what’re you girls talkin’ about?” rafe asks, and two sets of eyes turn to look at him. you look at him a little confused—in all the years you’ve known sarah and times you’ve been at tannyhill, rafe’s never once spoken to you.

“i don’t think it’s any of your business-” his sister says, and then he rolls his eyes. you interrupt right away.

“sarah, it’s okay.” you turn to rafe, looking right at him and leaning in a little like you’re gonna tell in something. “it’s really not any of your business.”

blank face, trying to be annoyed but not actually feeling annoyed, he stares back at you. his sister laughs stupidly, heading into the living room. she leaves you alone with rafe in the kitchen, but as you grab your drink and try to follow sarah, rafe says something.

“y’know i heard that shit you were sayin’. you’re funny, kid.” you turn back to look at rafe.

“thanks. i wasn’t joking.”

“yeah. good. at least one of my sister’s friends has ‘er head screwed straight.” you laugh, but the look on your face says you didn’t think it was funny.

“are you trying to compliment me? by insulting all my other friends?” he wasn’t expected that retort.

“no. no, i-”

“maybe if your friend wasn’t such a shit boyfriend, sarah wouldn’t be talking to some pogue. but hey, what do i know?”

“hey, kid, i-”

“don’t call me that.” you roll your eyes, walking to the living room without even glancing back at rafe. he calls out after you again.

“so have you?” you pause, turning again.

“have i what?” “made out with some pogue at the bonfire.” he shrugs. “that’s what you said to sarah, isn’t it?”

“again, how is that any of your business?” you ask, cocking your head at him.

“that’s not an answer.”

“i don’t owe you an answer. but for the record, no, i haven’t. i actually have standards.” he doesn’t miss the remark and what it says about his sister.

“good,” rafe says, looking at you. his eyes rake over your body before he can stop it—your short hem, the jewelry dangling on your wrists and neck, the heels even though you hadn’t gone anywhere.

“shut up. weirdo.” you walk to the living room where sarah’s waiting for you.

rafe’s gonna have a hard time staying away from you.

[jester-lover]

Hello! Can I please request Azul, Riddle, and Jade with a reader who talks a lot and doesn’t stop talking until someone tells her that she’s talking a lot?

This is literally just me as a person. Extroverts assemble😞

Talkative

Feat. Azul, Riddle and Jade

Cws/ bullying, teasing, fem! Reader, mostly fluff

Azul

Azul is often in the same boat as you (no pun intended), as he is also a very hardworking and driven young man. The ideas the two of you share with one another are really interesting and helpful.

Even if you are just rambling on as he finishes up his paperwork, Azul will always insist you keep going until you feel like you’re done talking. If you cut a sentence halfway through because you’re worried he might get annoyed, don’t be. He loves the sound of your voice.

He’s the type to get really ticked off when people bully or demean you for talking too much, because he has his own history with bullying and also because he genuinely likes hearing you speak.

He always remembers things you mention you want in your ramblings and notes them down for future occasions. If you mention not liking someone for any reason, he’ll keep note of that too…

Azul will encourage you to actualize some of the plans and ideas you bring up to him, keeping you motivated with his everlasting pride towards you.

Riddle

Despite being kind of quiet and stern, Riddle would fare well with a talkative girlfriend. You would balance out his angry nature with your extroverted one.

He loves listening to you talk about anything and everything over a warm cup of tea, the warmth surrounding the two of you as he intently observes your expressions changing as you describe certain aspects of your day.

If he hears even a snide remark coming from someone about your talkative nature, he collars them. No hesitation.

Riddle invites you to every single unbirthday party because you can engage in actual worthwhile conversation and also because he loves watching your social butterfly nature in action as you converse with everyone.

Jade

Jade can often be quiet, but he is probably one of the best and most thoughtful listeners in all of NRC. He usually uses this skill to gather dirt on people, but with you, it's different.

As a guy who's only been on land for a fraction of his life, Jade openly enjoys learning more about the world through your spiels.

He also loves drama; he wants all the tea if you’re into gossip. Trust me, he can trade info if it’s something juicy about someone he doesn’t like. You two sit down every once in a while and just chit-chat like moms over brunch.

If anyone has a problem with you talking a lot or, heaven forbid, calls you annoying, they’re gonna find a looming shadow menacing them until they apologize….

[allywthsr]

I‘M A CELEB | (l.norris)

summary: you’re a singer and participate at ’I’m a celebrity get me out of here‘, and Lando does too

wordcount: 6.3k words

pairing: landonorris x singer!fem!reader

warnings: fluff, mentions of a bulge

notes: I’m back!!! Took a break from writing, cause I was barely alive. This fic got inspired by the German version starting again, enjoy whatever I wrote there. And also before anyone comments that you can’t get that close in a matter of days, yes you can. I also participated at some tv show and I still talk to a lot of people that I met there, even after over a year :)

You were a famous singer from the UK, having millions of listeners on every song. When the request came in to be on ‚I’m a celebrity… get me out of here‘, you didn’t hesitate. It was something you always watched as a kid and even with the disgusting foods (if you could call it that) you sometimes had to eat, it was an experience you couldn’t pass.

On the plane to Australia, you read through the list of other celebrities, as every year, the list of people you knew was small. Some of them, you even had to google, and some you saw once or twice on some events, but when you read the name, Lando Norris, your heart skipped a beat. You were a huge Formula One fan since your childhood, your dad got you in it and ever since you tried to watch every race, some you had to skip due events or recording sessions, but a certain brown-haired driver always caught your eye.

Now you were excited for the time in the jungle, and with the others being a bit older than the two of you, you were sure Lando and you would get along perfectly.

The hotel was beautiful and you enjoyed your last days in freedom by the pool, your best friend as your companion, chilling next to you, you told her the news about the driver and she was probably more excited than you were. She constantly had her eyes searching the hotel during breakfast or in the gym, but no Lando Norris was seen.

When you got picked up by the staff and brought to a boat where the opening would happen, you were the first to arrive. The camera crew followed you on the boat and the woman behind the camera asked you for your thoughts.

“I’m feeling nervous. Excited to meet each other and get to know my new roommates for the next two weeks. Does anyone have something to calm my nerves? I’m freaking out“, a small chuckle escaped your lips.

You dried your hands on your orange-colored dress, a dress you bought two days before the filming started, your best friend basically dragged you to a shop, and when she saw the dress, she forced you to buy it, telling you it would get Lando’s attention. Your hair was pulled into a high ponytail, with some strands of hair falling out, which your best friend styled elegantly, she also helped you with your makeup, adding some color here or there.

Before you could say another thing, you saw a handsome man with sunglasses walk over the bridge to the boat. You gasped and squealed into the camera, excited that you were finally getting some company. The closer he got, the more you could see who was walking towards you with a big smile, the brown curls were slightly bouncing with every step and his smile got bigger, Lando also googled the participants before he came here, and when he read your name, he couldn’t wait for the time to begin, he was a big fan of your music and always wanted to meet you. A small wave came from him when he was close enough and you waved back, his strong toned arms came out more when he pulled himself up on the ladder of the boat. He walked up the little staircase and before you could prepare yourself more, he was in front of you.

“Hi, I’m Lando, nice dress, I like the color.“

He went in for a hug, and when he wrapped his arm slightly around your waist, you introduced yourself, thanking him for the compliment.

“I love your music Y/N.“

“Thank you, I love watching Formula One, I’m always rooting for McLaren!“

His eyes lit up, he looked happy that he found someone he could share his passion with. He snaked an arm around your shoulder and looked at the camera, “I found myself a best friend already, mint. Are there any drinks? I’m thirsty.“

A woman with a tray came closer to you, you both chose a colorful drink, and clinked glasses, “To having a good time.“

During a small silence, Lando could look at you a little longer, seeing the dress sitting perfectly on your body, tight but still a bit loose, the end of your dress reaching your mid-thigh. He could already see the good time you two were about to have, already getting along with you perfectly.

You two chatted until the next celeb came walking down the red carpet, it took almost two hours until the boat was full, every person was nice to you so far, chatting with all of them a bit, until the hosts came on the boat, greeting you. You stood next to Lando and you already couldn’t contain the laughter, just seeing him, ready to burst because he needed to laugh.

The hosts explained that you would need to jump out of a helicopter, in order to get into the camp, you froze a little, jumping out of a helicopter. That seemed scary.

“But don’t worry, it’s only like two meters, nothing dangerous, it’s safe and you’ll be wearing a life jacket.“

That calmed you a little, Lando could feel you tensing up and placed his hand on your back for a second, it may be a subtle and friendly touch, and it was over before you knew it, but it felt good, being touched by him.

In the helicopter you sat next to Lando, it seemed like faith wanted you two to be together, you kept bouncing your leg, and Lando kept nudging you, wanting you to calm down a bit, he leaned over to you: “Do you want me to go first? That way I can stay in the water and help you if you need me.“

You nodded and smiled at him, mouthing the words thank you to him, before listening to what the pilot had to say. And that’s what you did, he jumped first, doing it like a pro, and he stayed in the water, even though the crew behind the camera screamed at him, that he needed to move out of your way. You jumped and dived in the water, quickly swimming back to the surface, Lando was immediately next to you, making sure you were okay, and when you gave him a thumbs up and a smile, you two swam to the edge of the lake, he got out and held a hand out, helping you do the same.

You two were faced with a bunch of rangers, looking sternly at you and waiting for the others to arrive, Lando tried to make small conversations with them, asking them if they watched Formula One, but they didn’t respond, nor did they show any reactions, Lando found that funny and giggled the whole time until everyone showed up. They told you to go get changed into the jungle clothing, and that you did, the dark blue shirts with your name on it, sat tight on your chest, the red jacket provided you with some shelter from the light rain, and the shoes weren’t fashionable, nor a hundred percent comfortable, but they did the job of keeping your feet safe from the mud and dirt on the ground.

When you stepped from behind the wall, you saw a handsome Lando trying to arrange his hat on his head, shifting it until a campmate told him it looked good enough. The rest of the group finished right after you and the rangers told you to split up into pairs and find the way to the actual camp, quickly pairs formed and you stood next to Lando, he nudged you and looked at you with a crooked eyebrow.

“Wanna pair up and be first?“

You shyly nodded and Lando stepped a bit closer to you, indicating he found his teammate. Every pair was handed a treasure map, but before you could start searching for the camp, everyone got dropped off at different locations, that way you all had the same chances of finding the camp, without going in the same direction. Luckily it only took you and Lando five minutes to get there, and after a man behind the camera told you to go, Lando opened the treasure map and pointed out to the left, “We have to go that way!“

“Are you sure? I think it’s the way to the right.“

“I’m eighty-three percent sure, Y/N. The first ones in the camp, get to choose the bed situation, and I want a good bed space, I’m not a fan of sleeping on the ground.“

“Me neither, but I think its the way to the right.“

“Let’s go to the left, if there’s no riddle after ten minutes, we’ll go your way.“

Every trail had a bunch of riddles, that way you could earn stars for tonight's dinner, and before you could say anything else, Lando was walking to the left, shouting out for you to follow him. With a pout to the camera, you followed Lando and shortly after you walked a few meters, there was a piece of paper attached to a tree, you read loudly: “How many koala bears are there in Australia? A: around 200.000, B: around 100.000, or C: 350.000. What do you think Y/N?“

“I feel like it’s A.“

Lando nodded and looked at the crew, “We’ll take A.“

The man nodded and you squealed quietly, looking at Lando, who was equally happy as you, he opened his arms and pulled you to his chest, squeezing you for a brief moment. He let go and you two continued on the path, the leaves of some bushes were touching you from time to time, and each time you let out a sound of disgust, getting scared when it came out of the blue.

And indeed, after the second quiz and a lot of walking, it was already getting slightly dark in the jungle, you shortly saw some lights flickering in the distance, and with a gasp, you slapped Lando gently on the shoulder, “Lando, see! There are lights, I think it is the camp.“

Lando grinned at you and started running to the camp, nobody was there yet, and at the campfire you jumped in his arms, closing your arms behind his neck and your legs behind his torso. Even though you only knew Lando for a few hours, it felt like you two were best friends already. Lando started to spin you around and put you on the ground shortly after, looking at the different bunkbeds and walking to one that was more outside of the camp and sitting down on it. “I want my privacy, at least I want to try and sleep in peace, have you laid eyes on a bed?“

“You know, I also want my peace, would you mind having me as a neighbor?“

The bed next to him was not really next to him, the parts where the heads were supposed to go, were touching, that way you only had to reach your arm above your head and you could move your hand through his soft-looking curls.

“I would love that, that way we can gossip even when everyone is sleeping.“

You both giggled and fist-bumped after you placed your backpacks on the beds, sitting down around the campfire and waited for the other celebs. It was now completely dark outside when the last campers arrived at the camp, now you all were talking and exchanging thoughts on the walk and first day. Everyone was excited it was finally happening and the wait was over, you hadn’t really talked to Lando since other people came in, but now you all sat around the campfire and some men tried to light the fire. Lando sat next to you and smiled at you, nudging you when everyone cheered, because of the fire, people were celebrating that someone was able to lit fire.

You were called into the interview room and you found a rolled piece of paper and were instructed to go back to the others and read it out loud, you sat down next to Lando again and started reading the text: “Dear celebrities, welcome to I’m a celebrity… get me out of here. Here are some rules for the next two weeks, the campfire has to be monitored every minute of the day, during the night two people need to guard over the fire, you can decide for yourselves on how you manage that, you’re also not allowed to walk around the camp alone during the night, every time someone walks to the toilet, someone needs to be waked up, the campfire watchers can’t be asked to leave for a toilet walk. Bush trials will happen every day and the watcher from home will decide who will participate, but more to that, when you are selected for one. Enjoy your stay, and don’t get bitten by some animals.“

Lando looked at the paper in your hand, “Sounds promising.“

The last two days were spent talking and sitting around, so far you haven’t been voted in a trial, and all you did was get to know the people that are currently living with you.

Especially Lando was your new best friend, talking with him basically the whole time, either while sitting at the campfire, sitting on your beds, or chilling by the pond. The pond was your favorite place, you had your peace, and during the afternoon, the sun was shining beautifully on the water, Lando and you could talk to each other, without someone intruding. In the camp, it was a running gag that Lando and you were the new couple, Lando and you hadn’t done anything that could have people believe that you were more than friends, only being together the whole time, talking and maybe sometimes he had an arm around you. You didn’t even cuddle, well, he did lean on you one evening when the food was prepared, but that was it.

Tonight was the first fire guard you did with Lando, you were excited, and small butterflies were flying in your stomach, obviously, you found him attractive, you couldn’t deny that and the more time you spent together, the more you wanted to be constantly with him. The fire guard was the perfect opportunity to really get to know him, without having someone eavesdrop on ‘The couple’. So when the last person said goodnight and went to bed, Lando and you sat next to each other at the campfire, doing slight small talk for now, telling you about his sisters. You loved listening to him talk about his family, you could feel how much he loved them, seeing them not as often as he liked, but he tried to call them at least once a day. The later it got, the more intimate the conversations got, you already told Lando about your insecurities and thoughts, while he was telling you all about his doubts. It was crazy how much you told other people, you never met before, but because you were stacked on top of each other twenty-four-seven, the people in here knew you better than some friends you had in the outside world, especially Lando.

He turned to you: “Are you in a relationship?“

“Not anymore, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost a year ago, what about you?“

“Also not in a relationship, but it’s been longer since we parted ways. Was your break up peaceful?“

“God no, we were together for like five years, and in the end, he cheated on me, the classic story how relationships end.“

“Oh shit, really? Why would someone cheat on you?“

“He said the other woman wasn’t as boring as me, let him do things I didn’t want to do, and had a real job. I was a rather unknown singer at that time, but because of the breakup, I wrote all of my sad songs and people liked them.“

“At least something good came out of that then, or else you wouldn’t be sitting here with me, watching over fire.“

“That's true, I like watching the fire with you, Lando. But what about yours? How was your break up?“

“Peaceful I would say, it's been two years, I think. We just didn’t get along anymore, it was more like a duty to meet up with her, and she felt the same, so we mutually agreed to break up. It isn’t like we still talk, but if we would see each other, there wouldn’t be any bad blood.“

“That's good.“

“Yeah, but have there been any more boyfriends?“

“No, not really. I wanted to enjoy my freedom, no responsibilities, no having to be anywhere. But it gets lonely after a while, what about you? Any secret girlfriends?“

“No, I also enjoyed my freedom, going to parties, drinking… Having a girlfriend is tough when you’re well known, no matter what girl I would have, someone would always have something against her.“

“I know what you mean, I had some flirts with some boys, and I always was the bad girl, so I’m kinda used to it. It’s just hard being a girl you know, no matter what I would do, I could breathe the wrong way, and get hated for it.“

A tear rolled down your cheek, quickly you wiped it away so Lando wouldn’t see your weakness. You had a few shitstorms in your career so far, nothing major and you never did anything, but tabloids assumed and people would send you threats, bad comments, and difficult messages. You tried to get over them, and you can deal with it, but being here, completely shut off from the outside world, and you had a lot of time to think. With it being so late at night and the previous conversations with Lando, you felt like you finally had someone to talk about all of it.

But Lando saw the tear, and pulled you into his side, holding you close. 
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.“

“No, it’s okay, I cry often“, you chuckled, while wiping away another tear that was threatening to spill.

Silence settled over you two and you were still in Lando’s embrace, cuddling closer to him, and leaning your head on his shoulder. You tested out the waters here, but he didn’t pull away, so that must mean he was okay with it. The later it got, the more handsy Lando got, squeezing you more into him, caressing your shoulder and he even placed his hand on your thigh, caressing the soft skin. It wasn’t in a sexual, more in like a caring meaning, but you liked it, being so close to him and enjoying each other's company, was your favorite thing so far in the camp.

From then on, you two were inseparable, doing basically everything together, you woke him up in the night when you had to pee and vice versa, after three nights he took your hand in his and led you the way. Apparently, the people at home only saw you on the screen, because when the vote was open for which celebrities have to go on a treasure hunt together, Lando and you were both voted with over forty percent each.

During the evening you two were called to the interview room and told that you would go searching for the treasure together, excitement was written on both of your faces. The map had a red cross on it and to it was leading a black dashed line that you had to follow. When you announced it to your campmates, they all cheered and were excited, a treasure hunt could only mean some nice treat for the camp. Because the hunt was a sleepover, you two packed a few things you would need, a toothbrush, water, a sleeping bag, and the two essentials you were allowed to bring from the outside world.

Lando led the way, this time it wasn’t hard to choose the right way, there was only one, but it quickly got dark and Lando could sense that you were scared, he took your hand and squeezed it tight, signaling you that he was there for you and protecting you.

The Red Cross was a small hill, that you could crawl into and in there was a small mattress on the ground, on the mattress was a piece of paper, you sat down and read it out loud: “Dear Y/N and Lando, the viewers at home have decided to put you two on a treasure hunt together, you’ll receive a gift for the camp if you succeed the challenge for the night. The challenge is that you have to survive the night in our horror hill. During the night, a lot of animals will visit you, if you get through the night, you will receive three chocolate bars for the camp, but if you need to escape, shout I’m a celebrity, get me out of here, and we will help you to get out of there as fast as possible. The night starts when the bell rings. Lando, how are we gonna survive this?“

“Don’t panic just yet, let’s just see what animals will be there. And look, there’s champagne, let’s drink that and once we’re drunk, we won’t care about that.“

And he was right, the champagne was in a cooler with ice cubes, and some chocolate-covered strawberries next to them. It was obvious that they wanted you two to do a bit more than talking, you weren’t opposed to doing more than that, but not on camera. Lando wasn’t a fan of it either, you two already talked about that, starting a relationship behind closed doors was both on your agendas and being in the spotlight was harder than everyone thought. He opened the bottle and poured some bubbles into the glasses, giving your glass to you and clinking them together. You both took a sip and waited for the bell to ring, talking about the way to the horror hill. After waiting for god knows how long, you two laid down a bit on the bed, Lando took the strawberries with him, ”Should we give them what they want?“

You tilted your head and asked what he meant, but he lifted one of the strawberries, and you chuckled while opening your mouth. He slid the red fruit with chocolate into your mouth and you bit a piece off while chewing you both started crackling up, this was so unserious and you loved it. Lando propped his head up on his fist while lying on his side, the bottle of champagne was almost empty and you felt the effects of the alcohol. Your head was spinning a little and you accidentally laid a bit too close to him, now your heads were just mere centimeters away from each other. You two stared into each other's eyes, “You have beautiful eyes Y/N.“ You blushed and chuckled, smiling at him, before anything else could happen, the bell rang and Lando and you got startled, laughing when you realized what position you were in after sitting up. The light dimmed and the pipes that led into the space you were in, made noises, shortly after three rats came into the room. With a scream, you jumped on top of Lando, without a thought he laid his arms around you and tried to shield you from the rats.

“They’re only rats, they won’t hurt you, I hope.“

“You hope?! Lando, I don’t want to get bitten by a rat.“

“Let's go to sleep, then we won’t notice the animals, I don’t wanna know what else is coming.“

After that point you only squeezed him tighter, wanting to be shielded from the bad things around you. Together you quickly brushed your teeth and went to the toilet, not together but one after the other. When you lay down on the mattress again, you both were in your sleeping bags, it was quiet between you, only breathing and the rustling of the rats could be heard. “Can I cuddle you, I think we both would calm down a little.“

You whispered a quiet yes, you heard the zipper and quickly one arm snaked around your body, his chest pressed to your back and his nose settled in your neck. It was the first time you two were this close, sure you hugged before, or he placed his arms around you, but not this intimate cuddling, but you enjoyed him being close.

Sleep wasn’t happening for either of you, each noise made you shift and turn in Lando’s embrace, when the pipes opened with the shrieking sound, and new animals were led into the room, you sat up and tried to see what creatures came in. In the dimly lit room, you couldn’t really see what it was, but shortly before the night was over, and an alligator was led into the room, you screamed and shook Lando awake, who was dozing off. You saw that the mouth of the animal was tapped and it couldn’t bite you, but still, you were scared. Lando sat up and blinked, while looking around, “Is this an alligator?“

You could only nod and put your hand on his thigh, trying to get as far away as possible. Shortly after you panicked about the alligator, the same bell as last night rang and the animals got caught and brought away by some rangers. When you walked out of the horror hill, you hugged Lando tight, happy you survived the night, he returned the hug and kissed your hairline. It was the first time he did that, and the short but sweet sign of affection made the butterflies in your stomach freak out. You smiled up at him and squeezed him a bit tighter, signaling to him, that you were okay with the closeness he showed. You opened a treasure chest, and three chocolate bars were lying in it, you gasped when you saw them, put them in your backpack, and walked back to the camp.

The way was sunny and warm, with a camera following you, Lando didn’t dare to grab your hand, but the urge was there, you wanted to hold his hand too, be close to him, so you held out your hand, for him to take, and he did just that. He grabbed your hand and pulled you slightly, your face was bright red, but only because millions of people would be able to watch you fall in love with the one and only Lando Norris. What you didn’t know, Lando thought the same, he felt comfortable in your presence and every minute you didn’t spend together, was wasted in his opinion.

When you came back to the camp, everyone cheered and applauded, a fellow campmate asked if there would be the first I’m a Celeb baby, but you ignored that, only holding the chocolate in the air. While you sat around the campfire and shared the chocolate, you told everyone about your night, you didn’t sleep, but the chocolate was worth it, but you needed a nap. Shortly after the chocolate was empty, Lando and you made your way to your beds, when you sat down on yours, Lando came over to yours and laid down.

“What are you doing, Lando?“

“I liked cuddling with you last night, I slept way better than I did the other nights, is it weird if I wanna cuddle again?“

You shook your head while pouting, he was truly too good for this world. You laid down and Lando did the same behind you, hugging you and smelling your scent. Quickly you drifted off in a light sleep, during the day the jungle was way too loud for a deep sleep, but the slumber was needed. Around you, you could feel multiple campmates staring at you and Lando, whispering and chuckling, but you didn’t mind that, they should stare how long they wanted, the only thing that mattered was that you and Lando were together.

After a quick but good nap, Lando awoke, looking in your face. His thumb caressed your cheek, and that was what woke you up, you looked at him with a smile, while whispering a quiet ‘Hey’, which he returned. Eventually, his thumb came across your lips, and he caressed your lower lip, he wanted to kiss you, but he was too scared it was too early. You’d only known each other for six days, and the feelings were stronger than he ever could’ve imagined, you felt the same, you know your parents would love him, especially your dad, you only hoped they weren’t mad at you for falling in love on TV, but that’s life.

“Should we go and swim in the pond? I feel the need to wash away the rats walking over me.“

You nodded and got up, turning around to face Lando again, who was still lying on your bed, you extended your arm and held out your hand, Lando took it and you pulled him up. With a groan, he got up and walked next to you, your hand still in his. Whistles and hollering accompanied you on your way to the pond, you rolled your eyes but pulled Lando only faster to the pond.

You changed in your bikini behind a small tree, trying to hide from the camera and Lando, you may like him a lot, but he didn’t need to see you naked, yet.

He did the same, changing to his trunks and you could hear a splash, while you finished changing, you came out of your little hiding spot and saw Lando swimming around. With slow steps you got in the pond, swimming to Lando and splashing water gently on him. With a gasp he started chasing you, well, chasing was exaggerated, you waddled through the water and after two steps, he already got you. Grabbing your waist and pulling you towards him, your back touched his chest and he mumbled ‚‘got you’ multiple times in your ear, with a chuckle you turned around, and looked into his eyes. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ears and smiled, his eyes shifted to your lips and back to your eyes.

Your arms snaked around his neck and your legs closed around his torso, your hands combed through his strands, pulling slightly on them, his hands found their place on your legs, stroking them. Lando gathered all his courage and closed the minimum gap between your lips, you smiled in the kiss and started moving your lips, stroking your tongue against his lower lips, asking for entrance. He opened his mouth and your tongue slipped in it, finding his tongue and toying with it. With a smacking sound, you two separated, your head fell against his shoulder and you chuckled.

“Shit, Lando, there are cameras, what are we going to do?“, you looked at him.

“Let’s care about that later, right now I just want to kiss you again.“

And he did that, pressed his lips on yours again and you enjoyed the feeling, it was new, but you wouldn’t want to miss it. Lando’s lips wandered to your neck, where he sucked slightly, the quiet moan that left your lips turned him on but you pushed him away soon after.

“I don’t want to have a hickey“, you chuckled.

“Too late.“

You pushed yourself off of Lando and grabbed him by his shoulders, turning him around and going on his back, closing your arms around his neck and your legs around his torso again, he swam around the water, giving you a piggy ride. You pressed several kisses on his neck, caressing his chest from behind and cuddling close.

A campmate came by, luckily you weren’t kissing, “We want to eat lunch, you coming? Or are you too busy eating the other?“

Lando scoffed and let you go while screaming a ’coming’ to your campmate. With a kiss on your forehead, he got out and grabbed a towel, drying himself off, you hoped the cameras wouldn’t catch his slight bulge poking out of his trunks. You also got out of the pond and dried off, pulling a T-shirt and your pants over your bikini, taking Lando by the hand, and walking back to the camp.

The people grinned at you, seeing the slight purple mark forming on your neck, Lando looked proudly at it, and it was the first time you two were remotely close. You took your tin tray filled with rice and beans, sighing as you took the first bite, at least you had food and you weren’t starving, but the food wasn’t nice, especially after multiple days of eating the same thing.

After lunch was done and everyone settled all over the camp again, Lando went to the boys and you walked over to the girls, you already missed him, even if you were only a few meters apart, but it wasn’t good either if you were together all the time.

The girls wanted to know what happened between you and Lando, you told them everything, and within these six days you got to know them and it felt good to get everything off your chest, having someone to talk about it, getting thoughts and opinions on your situationship, they all squealed and screeched when you told them about your kiss, but you didn’t expect any different reaction.

The sun was slowly setting and you felt arms wrapping around your shoulders, the girls smiled at you and at the person behind you, Lando whispered in your ear: “I want to cuddle, are you coming to my bed?“

You nodded and got up, waving to the girls on your way up. Lando lay down on the bed, signaling you to lay down on his chest, you settled on his chest and looked at his face, studying the moles and hairs on it, caressing the soft skin. He lifted his head and pressed his lips quickly, but gently, on your own lips, the smile was big and bright on both of your lips. He was a soft baby and an even bigger gentleman, you couldn’t wait to see what he was like without cameras and behind closed doors, maybe he was even more gentle than he already was, a bigger teddy bear.

You rested your head on his chest, caressing his neck and enjoying the silence that fell over the camp, you could hear the boiling of the water over the campfire for the rice and beans, as well as the toads and various other animals.

You couldn’t wait for tonight, you and Lando had another fire guard waiting, during the fire guards you two could talk about everything without someone eavesdropping.

And before you knew it, you got woken up by Lando, telling you to get up and come down to the fire. With a sigh you got up and put your shoes on, slowly trotting to the fire.

“Lan, can we go to the toilet before we start?“, you whispered to him, the other two people sitting at the fire waited until you came back. Quickly, you walked up to the toilet and did what you had to do, Lando peed as well before he came out of the little lodge and opened his arms, squeezing you tight and walking down with your hand clasped in his.

Settling down on the wooden bench, you leaned your head on his shoulder and listened to the fire crackling.

“What do you think will happen with us after the camp?“

You were startled at Lando’s voice, “I want to come to a race, cheer for you in your garage and be there for you when you win.“

He pressed a kiss to your temple.

“I would love that, you in my T-shirt, papaya would look so good on you. I also want to see you perform, sing on stage, and interact with the crowd. I love your singing here, I can’t wait to hear you actually perform.“

“I want that too, I can’t wait for all of this, my family but especially my dad is going to love you, he is the biggest F1 fan I know. He told me over the phone that I need to get your autograph, so I hope you’ll sign something for me when we’re out of here.“

“I’ll do whatever you want me to, baby.“

You chuckled and got a bit red in the face, “I like it when you call me baby.“

The next few days went by swimmingly, you and Lando cuddled, kissed, and spent most of the time together, the more days that passed, the more Lando and you became a normal thing, almost no comments were made nowadays. You and Lando cuddling on the bed? Every second of the day. Lando and you holding hands wherever you went? It was weird to see when you weren’t. You and Lando kissing? It happened so often, that no one really cared anymore.

You loved your campmates and were happy that no one was making fun of you two anymore, it was refreshing and you didn’t feel the need to pretend anymore.

The only thing that was said about you two was, that everyone needed to be invited to the wedding or else there would be fights, but no one needed to worry about that, because the jungle table at your wedding was the loudest of them all.

taglist: @millinorrizz @jamieeboulos @loxbbg

[dollypopup]

I can't stop thinking about Colin on his travels. Colin, alone, on a journey to 17 different cities, across several countries. Colin on his own.

Colin who writes letter after letter, to his family, to his friends, and barely gets a response back. How long before he understands that they didn't get lost in the mail? How long until he realizes that, just like when he was a boy, no one has the time for him? The space for him? How many letters unanswered before he lets it finally take root and fester in his mind?

He could have died on that tour.

Would they even notice? Would they see when the letters slow until they cease? Would they wonder why? His mum, surely (maybe, possibly, but she has enough on her hands, besides, and he's never been a concern, in need of her assistance, before), but anyone else? Anthony on his honeymoon, Eloise a stormcloud personified, Benedict taking on the familial responsibilities, Fran preparing for the marriage mart and in Bath, regardless. Daphne, his closest sister, a mum running her own estate.

Greg and Hyacinth who enjoy his stories, but are children.

Pen who ignores him. No explanation, no goodbye.

Colin who has no one in his corner. Colin who travels city to city, putting on personas. Will they like me? What about now? Colin who has hardly anything to read from the people he loves. Who do not think of him.

And yet he thinks of them. Brings them back gifts, writes his recollections for them until it hits him that, oh, they don't care. They don't care what he's doing, how he's doing. They didn't want to hear it before, when he was there with them, and they do not want to hear it now, either. Did they even open those envelopes? Did they see them come through the post, just as proof he's alive, and shrug off the contents? Did they look? Once, Colin sends an empty page. No one notices. Easier, then, to send just the outsides. People only ever care about the outsides. Pretty and prim in neat packages, uncaring of what lies beneath. Sea sick on the rocking boats, staring up at stars on the continent, Colin grows aware, but not bitter. Sad, but resigned.

He loves his family, he loves Pen, loves them to grace, loves them to it's okay. It was him, he determines. Too chatty, his letters too long, uninteresting, his passions dull or droll, or else, worse, he's displeased them in some way. Colin who takes refuge in stranger's arms and homes, who dreams and tries to sate his curiosity. Colin who pretends, because anyone, anyone but him would be received better, he's sure of it. Colin who must talk too much, surely, and with no one to listen. Colin who learns to hush.

Yes. Remarkable- as in, I have many remarks about it.

How many times did he go to excitedly write of what he did that week, and stopped himself, knowing it was a waste? How many times did he write and throw into the fire a letter asking Why don't you see me? Why don't you care?

If he didn't make it, how long would it take for anyone to notice? A month? Two? A year? Would they wave it off as his frivolity, denounce him as a flake and fume about the funds? Would they wonder where it was he had lost himself off at?

He cannot fall into that, so, he writes in his journal, instead. Of the ache of it, of how he longs for connection, for understanding, for someone to take him seriously. He keeps it with him, this log of his discontent, of his folly and felicity, of his pitfalls and pains.

If he didn't make it, would they realize all that's left of him is what he sent them, not even a body to bury? Did he look over the side of a bow of a boat and look at the churn of the ocean and think of how many bones it held? Did he tip his face to the sun? How many new scars did he earn? Who did he befriend?

Who did he become?

Somewhere along the line, Colin learned. He learned the real him wasn't wanted.

Somewhere along the line, somewhere between Patmos and Paris, Colin left Colin behind.

And, somewhere along the line, Colin laid face to face with loneliness in his bed, and it wrapped its arms around him.

[cas-backwards-tie]

Wonderstruck

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Ex!Reader

Summary: Simon Riley finally takes it upon himself to check up on his childhood best friend and ex lover. He's been torturing himself reminiscing on your relationship and what went wrong for years now. Little does he know... you're in the same boat. Having seen someone today you swore was Simon on your way to work, you too, reflect on the past.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, Stalking(?),

Mentions of: Drinking, Smoking, Motorcycle Riding

A/N: I don't know why but I constantly am getting inspired by certain songs, or am reminded of certain characters, and all the lyrics were just screaming childhood best friends to estranged lovers, right person wrong time Simon Riley. Nevertheless, if you'd love to listen to some versions of the song which inspired me, here we are! Line divider credit: @saradika-graphics and I'd also love to thank @penelopepine for helping me with the ending <3

He knew it was a bad idea as soon as it'd crossed his mind, yet somehow he couldn't rid himself of it time and time again. That's how he found himself here; watching you cross the street, he can't help but notice the vintage band t-shirt you have on, frayed at the edges with the little strings of the hem coming undone that you've refused to cut off. In you hands you clutch a new phone, no doubt an upgrade from the last one he'd seen you with- though it's been a while.

As you mindlessly tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, he can't help the way his insides churn. You were always effortlessly beautiful; you never had to try for anything. Even now, the way you can walk across the busy cobblestone side streets of London in high heels without seemingly second-guessing yourself, body language still poised on guard and ready in case anyone tries anything, just like he'd taught you.

It's clear from your outfit and the lipstick you’re donning that you're attempting to sway the officials at work. Maybe trying for that promotion you’d always been talking about, but never had the gumption to make today the day. What’s different about today, he wonders. You'd always been a go-getter, and truthfully, it was something Simon admired about you. Even in the moments where he'd resented it the most, the constant pestering and prodding at him in an attempt to get him to move and drag him out of the holes his dug himself into...

Where would he be now if only he listened?

What if you knew better?

He couldn't deny that the thoughts kept him up at night while he was away. Though, admittedly, more often than not it was the string of random memories that he’d get glimpses of during the day. It’d always be at the worst times, too. Two weeks ago in Berlin he’d been clapping Kyle on the back, hoping he’ll get it together as he stumbled out the pub. While Soap had the camaraderie to slug half his mate’s weight over his broad shoulders, Simon found himself unable to help as his eyes were drawn in by a couple a few paces down the block.

“Bollocks!” He’d shouted out in frustration. Double-checking himself, he didn’t have a spare cap on him, and he knew he sure as hell didn’t bring an umbrella on your little last minute ‘trip’. Not that he’d really call walking down to the local Tesco for snacks late one summer evening a trip. ‘It’ll be an adventure! Just think of it like that.’ You’d persuaded him.

“What? Are you going to melt?” He hears you joke. As his brown eyes land on your face when you turn to meet his gaze, a few steps ahead of him down the road, he can’t help the smile that breaks out across his lips upon your laughter. Sure, you may both be a little drunk after spending the evening in and having a drink or two. But it doesn’t change the way he feels about you, if anything, it makes him even more keenly aware of the way you affect him.

“Maybe. Who knows?” He teases in responses, tugging his jacket up and over his head to shield himself from the cool summer rain. Despite the time, now he’ll most likely need a shower when you get home. As he jogs to catch up and bring you under his little makeshift cocoon, you do the unexpected.

It was you, of course… he should’ve known better, always testing him, pushing him. With a gentle drop of the plastic bag full of snacks upon the side of the road you’d been strolling down, he watches as you run into the empty street. The streetlights illuminate you in a hazy orangey-yellow light as you begin to spin and twirl, dancing in the street.

With a shake of his head, he’s left stunned once again by the vast difference of your personalities. Your jeans and t-shirt are starting to get damp and discolored, and there’s a taunting, displeased remark sitting on his tongue just waiting to be made. It’s the utter joyous smile on your face as you tip your head back and relinquish yourself to your fate that leaves him wonderstruck, he thinks.

“Come on, Simon!” You beckon, finally meeting his gaze once again with that familiar carefree, hopeful look behind your irises. With an outstretched hand, he knows he can’t deny you this… and really, there’s something inside him that tells him he doesn’t want to, either.

“It’s her, innit?” He hears his Captain’s voice call over his shoulder. Pulled from his memories, Simon dismisses Price with a nonchalant grunt. As the old man tries to place a hand on his shoulder he dodges it, realizing he’s been watching the couple for longer than he’d thought. With Soap and Gaz almost to the end of the block, Simon sighs before shrugging his shoulders to right his jacket and head off in their direction for backup.

That was a time when your playfulness been more easily taken and accepted without question. No fighting, no push back, resentments… maybe that was it: he’d stopped going with the flow. He’d stopped accepting the punches and started dodging and weaving your advances at fixing things and picking up where he left you. Because while it’s too late now, he’s finally realized it for what it is: he left you in the dark, he’s the one who pushed you away, closed himself off.

That night he’d curled up in the temporary bed he’d been assigned, more memories continued to consume him. The way you’d effortlessly ease his worries on nights he’d come home stressed, feathers ruffled from whatever petty drama went on during the day. Whether it was something the guys said that stuck with him, or something he couldn’t get out of his mind when he came back from deployment. Your kisses always seemed to be the cure, your love… or maybe it was just… you.

“You know furrowing your brows like that will cause wrinkles,” you inform him, reaching out to run gentle fingers over his bunched skin.

A grunt of acknowledgment leaves his lips. “More for me to worry about, hm?” While it’s all he says, his eyes are searching over your composure.

“No,” it leaves your lips without thought, “just something to think about, be mindful of. If you’re not upset, then why furrow them?” Voice quiet in the moonlit apartment, your fingers smooth out his brows gently as you admire him. “I read something the other day about how it’s possible our body informs our mental state. If you’re tensing all the time, it won’t help your stress, Si.”

He simply hums in response, doing nothing to stop you as you ghost your lips over his for a moment before planting a loving chaste kiss to his. While big and wide warm hands find the exposed bit of skin between the hem of your sleeping pants and the shirt you wear, it’s the unexpected cool sensation that elicits a muffled gasp. Your much smaller hands are sneaking up underneath his sweatshirt to explore his abdomen, caressing him like he were made of soft silk. Your lips meet again for a chaste kiss.

Then it’s turning into something more; you have to take it slow, your lips dancing against one another, his hand rubbing your back to let you know it’s alright. As you begin to run out of breath, it’s only when you pull away, lashes fluttering against his skin that you ask him. “You know I’d love you even with wrinkles, right?”

Taken aback, he can’t help but stare. Unsure how to respond or what to do, his lips part in search of words. “Is that so?” He finally questions, hand giving your side a soft squeeze.

“My favorite boy… I love you to the moon and back… scars and all. I always have, and I always will, Simon,” you whisper, ghosting his lips again before planting one on him, “I just hope you know that.”

And at the time, he swore he did. It’s odd, really, and he wouldn’t lie to himself about it either. Simon tried dating after you, he tried hooking up, he tried it all… but it never felt right. As many times as he replays the memory, he can never get past the feeling of home. With you, it felt like home. You never made him feel expendable, or worry of the abandonment he knew would inevitably come.

For years afterward he blamed you, he saw it as your fault that you left, you abandoned him… when, maybe, really it’s finally time he admits it was him. He made it a self-fulfilling prophecy, and there was nothing you could do.

It's on your way home from work that you see them; while waiting for the bus, there's a playground in the park a few meters away. Really, the idea that human nature is predictable is always laughable at first, but only after watching people and stepping back to become an observer you've noticed from time to time that... it's more than true. Even from a distance, the children in the park look happy... but that's not what catches your eye. There's a blonde boy, and a girl, much like yourself when you were younger, playing what you can only assume is something halfway between hide and seek and tag, considering the playground offers more space and obstacles than hiding spots.

Perhaps it's the joyous looks on their little faces, or the way they unabashedly play, carefree and unaware of the adult worries and burdens the world hangs above their heads, just waiting any day to drop upon their shoulders unexpectedly. However, you can't help but reminisce on the ways you'd spent your childhood playing games much like the one the children are playing in the distance with a boy, very similar to the one before you, loving life, content, happy, simply aspiring to be the best at finding your ultimate hiding spot.

The soft squeak of the wheels coming to a halt before you and the mechanical release of air as the doors open brings your attention back to the present. Before you know it, you're on the bus, unconsciously taking a seat along the windows, hoping, just maybe you'll catch a glimpse of them as the bus drives down the road down its route. Though as you pass, the sun is beginning to set in the distance, the children departing the playground their separate ways as dusk begins to take its toll and curfew sets in place. The whole time you'd been focused on yourself, it's entirely possible that your own boy wound up beating you at your own game, finding the best spot and hiding himself away from the rest of the world.

Maybe it's the fact that you could've sworn you'd seen someone that looked almost identical to Simon on your way to work this morning, but memories continue to plague your mind for the first time in months. All the weekends he'd spent over at your house doing aimlessly silly things to fill your time, from science projects, to playing 'warrior' outside, you never felt more alive than the time you two spent together.

"I'll keep ya safe, yeah? Nothin' to worry about," Simon insists, gently guiding you to the side of the vehicle. Despite going out with your friends to the city for dinner, you both were sober. It should be fine, it would be. You'd been with him a million times... how different could it be? He'd run it by you as many times as you'd asked.

You swear it's not a good idea, but you trust him to the ends of the Earth. With a look over your shoulder, his brown eyes are steady, not uncertain in his unwavering gaze as he nods in assurance. Swinging a leg over the seat, you're in front this time. Helmets in place, hands on the clutch and brakes, you make eye contact with Simon once more before he flicks both your visors down. "Ready?" You ask him.

"More than ready, Love," he quips. With a quick shove to the kickstand, balance (with Simon's help of course), and a rev of the engine, you start the motorcycle off slowly. Gloved hands around your waist, he gives you a gentle squeeze.

He was always pushing you out of your comfort zone, that one. It was the first time you'd driven his motorcycle, and while it'd been scary and daunting for the first fifteen minutes, you eventually got used to it and it blossomed into something freeing. You understood then why he likes it, and you'd never been more grateful for someone pushing you out of your bubble. While flashes of all the kisses, caresses, and intimate moments between the two of you start to effervesce, you force yourself to remember the last time you'd seen him.

With a lingering hug, you're hesitant to let him go. Even if you know it's necessary, it's still hard... it always has been. "You'll let me know when you get in, right?" You ask, searching his eyes. They stand out from the black warpaint, his uniform always made him look handsome, even if you couldn't imagine how intimidating seeing his actual attire would be in his enemies position.

A dismissive and irritated grunt meets your ears as he shrugs your hands off. He'd packed quickly, something he's been doing more recently; taking more and more jobs, you've begun worrying for his health, not that he'd talk about it, of course. "If I 'ave time."

While you weren't able to get all the details on this excursion, you did manage to get that it was essentially a 'clean-up' for him. He had to go in and make sure that the hostages they'd had a lead on were all rescued and no one was left behind, no assailants or informants lingering or hiding. You've known that his job is hard on him. Losing people can't be easy, especially when you feel like you could've done things differently and changed the ending to their stories. Yet, you also know that throwing yourself into work the way he's been doing without talking to anyone, simply managing to pass debrief counseling by whatever meter their measuring is... not working. Not anymore, at least.

"You're running from this! You won't even answ-" you shout, gesticulating as you do everything in your power to keep the anger and worry that's tightly wound wrapped up in your gut under control, not to let anymore of it seep out than already has.

"An' you're one to talk?! You don't get to interrogate me," he argues, rounding the couch to get closer. The dark circles under his eyes scream volumes, even if he's unwilling to acknowledge whatever's going on for him. "I deal with that enough in my line o' work. Don't-"

"Simon," you say, tone holding that familiar warning tone.

You'd gotten home safely and were able to change and make something to eat. The feelings haven't left the cavity of your chest, still lingering there, the way he always does. He may be 'Ghost' on the field, yet he still haunts your memories, always making you question whether or not you did the right thing. What if only you'd done more? What if you hadn't pushed him so much? It wasn't always in a bad way, either, in fact, most of the time you'd find yourself chuckling randomly at some inside joke only the two of you share, or something he'd find funny. The stolen sweaters and hoodies you know for a fact long ago washed away his scent. Even if you swear sometimes that you can smell the faint odor of cigarettes he used to smoke. In the city when you're out with the girls you'd find yourself fondly inhaling the smell whenever a stranger would be smoking one nearby.

You'd cursed him: Simon Riley. Yet, the aching inside you he left often made you feel like he there's some sense of closure he never fully gave you. The SAS would tell you that he'd get your letters, even if you stopped writing years ago a little while after the split. You never got a response, and you never really expected one. Simon never really was one for letter writing. It was the only way you felt like you could get that closure, that part of your life done with. Ultimately, it did help you move on in some way.

A sigh tumbles past your lips as you change the channel on the television, unsure what you really feel like watching. A reality comedy show is on, something of a local prank show. It wasn't the best show, really, but it's one you used to watch a lot as a kid, and thus, another reminder of him. This one makes you smile, nonetheless. It's a good memory; nostalgia envelopes you in the way that makes you crave times that felt easier. Just when you wrap yourself in your fuzzy blanket, there's a soft rapt at the door.

Heart accelerating, eyes widening slightly, you slowly rise from the couch. The television volume isn't on loud, and while there may be light coming from it to inform a stranger you're home, that isn't enough to say that you're alone. With slow and cautious steps, you approach the door, careful to check the window near the door from a vantage point you're unseen. It's a man in a black hoodie. Panic sets in and you turn to skillfully head back toward the couch in search of your phone with quiet and quick steps. That's when it strikes you.

With all pretenses abandoned, you rush to the door and fling it open, lips parted in shock and awe. "Simon?" Searching and attempting to scan the partially shielded face, you're able to see tufts of blonde hair lit from the porch light.

"I know you've no reason to-" he starts, hands removing themselves from his hoodie's pocket, "but please let me come in and explain."

"You came back," you whisper. It's more for yourself than him, and whether it's out of bewilderment, intuitive knowing, or a premonition; you were right.

As he takes a step forward and reaches out for you with shaky hands produced from the familiar black pocket of his hoodie, you don't retract. Slow and tentative movements on both ends, he grabs ahold of one hand, thumb consciously skirting back and forth repeatedly in a form of grounding and seeking comfort. "You were right," his deep voice rasps.

Your hand cautiously seeks his cheek beneath the shield of his hood. Fully expecting to meet the spandex material of his balaclava, you're surprised by the warmth of his skin underneath your gentle touch. Wrist pushing against the cotton hood, it gives way, revealing his face. Searching his deep brown eyes for any sign he's genuine... you're met with truth.

With a weak nod you turn, leaving the door to shut softly behind the two of you.

~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo

[highvern]

Drunk Goggles (Heart Eyes) II [morning after]

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x reader

Genre: fluff, idiots in love

Warnings: tooth rotting fluff, friends to lovers, confessions, hand holding and smooches

Length: ~1k

Note: Sequel to Drunk Goggles ! its short but i will probably keep updating/editing it because im a perfectionist and never happy with any of my writing. I have two more drafts for them that I'm editing right now and then I'll probably focus on something new! In other news, Mingyu makes me wanna slut him out put a ring on his finger so bad

When morning comes, you wake to the soft light of dawn gently illuminating your bedroom and a nasty headache. You brave opening your eyes to search for Mingyu, easily locating his large form as he lays on his back on the other side of the bed. Flailing across the short distance between you, you burrow down into his chest and throw a leg over his hips to steal some of his heat against the morning chill. Finger tips trace gentle circles against the smooth skin of his tummy, letting you enjoying the rise and fall of his chest.

Like you were thrown in an ice bath, everything from last night comes racing forward. You remember it all. How you both stayed within a foot radius of one another all night, clinging to each other in the sweltering heat of the club. All the brushes of lips against skin, becoming more and more daring as the night dragged on. Worst of all, right before you passed out, how you whispered all your feelings into his shoulder and sealed them with a kiss.

Today. You think. You need to talk to Mingyu today.

But as he continues to snore quietly above you, you're lulled back to sleep and away from the ocean of nerves that threatens to drown you.

-

The second time you wake is to a hand gently carding through your hair, carefully working away the tangles from tossing and turning through the night. Another hand is tracing the ridges and valleys of your knuckles on your hand laid across his sternum. With a deep inhale, you stretch against Mingyu to let him know you're awake, yawning as you blink against the sun.

"Sorry," He croaks. "didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine," you assure, voice still thick with sleep.

“We should talk.” He sighs 

“Okay.” You whisper.

“I–,” Mingyu starts, the pep talk he gave himself for the past thirty minutes dissolving on his tongue. He swallows in an attempt to get his nerve back but you beat him to the punch.

“Ireallylikeyou.”

The silence is deafening. 

You both knew. Painfully aware of your own feelings as well as each other's. The issue time and time again wasn’t the lack of knowledge of how the other felt but the dread that if you said something and it didn’t work out you’d lose each other forever. But after last night neither of you care to keep up the charade. Mingyu wants to call you his girlfriend, take you to dinner with his family, hold your hand in public and parade you around for everyone to see how lucky he is. And you're in the same exact boat. You want to tell anyone who will listen about how amazing he is, not just as Mingyu your friend but as Mingyu your boyfriend; let him be the first person you see in the morning and last at night; let all the fantasies that play in a loop in your head become a reality.

“I like you too.” He finally breathes, weight lifted off his shoulders. 

It's fascinating how such life altering confessions don't change anything as much as you think it will. For months, you thought that the day you both confessed would make the world start spinning in reverse or the sun would fall out of the sky. But the room is as calm as it was before you shared your thoughts. Sheets ruffling gently to the swirl of the overhead fan droning above you. Outside, cars bustle on the street while the family of birds living in the tree next to your window sing their morning hymn. If you strain your ears then you can hear your downstairs neighbors returning from their morning walk with their yappy dog. Today is like every other Saturday morning but nothing like them at the same time.

“Yeah?” You smile, unable to look at him just yet. Instead you turn your face into his pec, trying to contain the giddiness bubbling under your skin like sea foam.

“Yeah.” Mingyu responds, sighing in relief. He wraps his arms around you snuggly, holding you close while his heart drums wildly in his chest.

When Mingyu decides to rest his lips against your hair, you giggle like a schoolgirl. It can’t be helped. You just confessed to Mingyu like you were two sixteen year olds and it makes you giddy. He likes you. 

“What’s so funny?”

“You like me.” You sing, smile blinding.

Your head is turning towards Mingyu’s, catching the way his eyes crinkle and mouth twists in delight. He’s laughing as well, flustered by the morning’s developments.

“You like me too!” Mingyu accuses.

“I know.” Your face softens as you lose your breath. "Isn't it great?"

“So," he starts, suddenly bashful under your gaze. "Does this mean I can count breakfast today as our first date?”

God, he’s so cute it hurts.

“You absolutely can.” 

The smiles threatening to split both of your faces in half make kissing difficult but you figure it out pretty quickly.

-

When you arrive at the entrance of the farmers market hours later, Ms. Kwon observes you and Mingyu as you stroll to her booth. She notes the way your hands are tangled together, faces bright red, sneaking shy glances at each other. Interesting, she thinks.

Testing the waters, she asks if your boyfriend is going to buy the usual bouquet of wildflowers he gets you every Saturday. You don’t rebuke her use of the word "boyfriend" this time, instead sharing a small yes. When Mingyu responds with an even more ridiculously happy expression than the one he strode in with, she hides a knowing smile. Mr. Lee, who sells fresh pastries further down the market, owes her dinner.

[billwidoll]

Beautiful boy || Rafe Cameron x Toxic)

Rafe has always been a man of having dark and narcissistic thoughts. He knew he had a problem, but he always tried to fight it, he knew he was sick, but he tried to fight it. But he couldn't, But that changed when he met the great and greatest love of his life, which was you. Rafe knew that you were the one who brought him calm, peace and hope. So he never wanted you to leave him He loved you, and he wanted to protect the people he loved, even when he did horrible things.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon on the Outer Banks and you were on the boat with Rafe, lying in bed because the mansion's air conditioners had broken and the boat was the only one with air conditioning. Working at that time, so you and Rafe went there

"It's so much better here, Rafe" you say, hugging Rafe in bed

"Yes dear, I think I'm a little sleepy" Rafe says a little sleepily. He always slept when he was hugging you

"why don't you get some sleep?" You tell your boyfriend, you knew Rafe worked a lot, so it was obvious he was tired

"yes, you're right, but don't let me sleep too much, okay?" Rafe says, kissing your cheek and slowly closing his eyes. You nod your head

Rafe ends up sleeping and you end up looking at your cell phone and hearing a noise coming from outside the boat room.

You wanted to wake Rafe up to tell him about the noise you had just heard, but he was sleeping like an angel and you didn't want to ruin his peace. So you decided Get out of bed and see what was going on (even though I'm very scared)

"Who is there?" you say looking around the boat already out of bed

You look and see John B, taking Rafe's swimming gear

"What the fuck are you doing here, John B?!" You say shouting in anger, but relieved that it wasn't anyone else

“It’s none of your business Y/n!” Jonh B speaks in the same tone and it makes you angrier

"You're on my boyfriend's boat, stealing his things, that is, my business" You say, approaching John B and increasing the tension between you.

"ok! Your shitty boyfriend is trash! And he hit my friend Pope" jonh B speaks angrily

"that's not possible! Rafe has a strong temper, but he would never do something like that" You say, not wanting to believe it

"whatever! Now let me go!" Jonh B Speaks, taking the equipment and putting it on his back

"What are you going to do with this equipment?" You speak before John B leaves

"I really need them, I promise I'll bring them back" John B says and leaves you there on the boat

You didn't hate pogues like Rafe, and having that conversation with John B just showed how kind and harmless they were

But Rafe always kept you as far away from them as possible.

You return to the boat room and see Rafe moving slowly on the bed and muttering something

"who was here?" Rafe speaks in a voice that is seriously weak from sleep.

"hun It was John B" you say simply, sitting on the bed and taking out your cell phone to scroll through

"WHAT?!" Rafe says, jumping out of bed and opening his eyes frantically.

"Hey, my love, stay calm, okay?" You say taking Rafe's arms trying to calm him down

"what was he doing here?! Did he touch you?! Did he look at your body!?" Rafe wouldn't stop talking madly

"No, no Rafe..." You were about to speak but Rafe interrupted you, taking a gun from under the bed and scaring you.

"Rafe! What are you going to do?!" you speak with a shaky voice

"These Pogues just annoy me, but...touching you...it's too much." Rafe speaks hoarsely and putting bullets in the gun

"Rafe! He didn't do anything, please drop that gun!" You speak with tears in your eyes

But he didn't listen to you, he just got off the boat nervously , You didn't know what to do, you only knew how to cry and pray that nothing bad would happen. But it was already too late

Two hours later:

It was already night and you were sitting on the bed hugging your body and crying. Rafe was taking a while and that only made you worry more, but then he arrived, opening the door to the boat room.

"Oh my God! Rafe, where were you?!" You say getting up and touching him

Rafe was cold and dirty...with blood

"what blood is this Rafe?" You speak in a low voice and are afraid of your boyfriend

"It's over, my love, this guy will never bother you again" Rafe says, running his hands over your face

"Rafe..." He interrupts you once again, placing his lips on your mouth and then hugging you tightly

"Close your eyes Have no fear The monster's gone" Rafe speaks softly into your ear and your heart speeds up. You were definitely his

[buddiebeginz]

So thoughts on the deleted scene:

First I think Tim has been very strategic about these deleted scenes. Which ones he chose to cut and which ones he’s choosing to release and when. More so than in previous seasons. Like obviously certain things were cut for time but I also think he filmed some of them knowing they could be used later. Like the one with T*mmy didn’t even need to be released or if it did they could have done it when the ep aired but instead they chose to release it much closer to when season 8 is coming. They’re trying to prep the audience for the fact that the B/T relationship isn’t going to last.

Similar to that this deleted scene with Chris and Eddie I think was supposed to be a part of episode 9. They could have released it before ep 9 aired so we would have understood more about why Eddie took Kim on the boat or even after the episode had aired would have worked too but they didn’t. I think that's because the scene isn’t really about Shannon it’s about Eddie and how he views relationships and it’s also about Buck.

Eddie talks about how Shannon wasn’t his first girlfriend. I've seen a lot of people say that's just because the writers fucked up. Especially given the convo that happened with him and Buck in 701:

Eddie: "I married the first girl I dated."

Buck: "Think you might mean slept with. "

Eddie: "Point is, I'm a nester. I nest."

I mean it's possible it was a continuity error but I don't think so. The thing is if Eddie has dated or had a crush on a guy before Shannon he likely hasn't told Chris or maybe anyone that. So it's possibly that's what he was talking about when he said, "your mom wasn't my first girlfriend". It's true they didn't use gender neutral pronouns but given his whole mood when he was talking about this even beforehand it makes me wonder.

He says, "I know the first one's hard to get over but you will." And the way he seems a bit emotional when saying it you'd think he's talking about Shannon initially but then Chris says, "did you get over mom?" That's when Eddie says, "your mom wasn't my first girlfriend."

His emotional response initially could have been him thinking about the first boy he had something with but wasn't allowed to be with.

Then he talks to Chris about meeting Shannon for the first time. I've seen some people say that this is reinforcing Eddie's heterosexuality and his attraction for women and love for Shannon (and no doubt the B/T stans are saying that too). But I don't see that.

He talks about looking at Shannon the whole day but the focus in his his retelling of how he met Shannon is primarily on his time spent with her and how she made him feel. It's not on the physicality of their relationship or how she looked. It's actually Chris that even asks "was she pretty" it's not Eddie who initially brings up her appearance. Eddie responds, "la chica mas guapa del mundo," which I believe translates to "the most beautiful girl in the world". To me the way Eddie talks about Shannon just reinforces what I've always believed and that's that he loves her but was in never in love with her and definitely not sexually attracted to her.

Now obviously he was talking to his teenage son and there's a certain way you're going to talk about relationships to your teenage son than you would to another adult. He's also talking about Chris' deceased mother so that's also going to color how he thinks and talks about Shannon but I still think it's very deliberate in how the show is choosing to have Eddie think about women and Shannon in particular that is connected to his sexuality.

Think about too that this conversation with Chris happened around the time Eddie was seeing Kim and we know that Eddie never made that relationship physical even though Kim likely wanted it to be (she asked him why he didn't kiss her). Eddie also explicitly told Buck that the thing between him and Kim wasn't physical. I say all this because listen to what Eddie choses to highlight about his earliest memory of Shannon:

"We spend the rest of the day hanging out, talking, sitting on a boat out on the water, away from our friends. To be honest she did most of the talking. I was just happy to be near her. We talked until it got dark and everybody went home."

He doesn't say he couldn't wait to hold her hand or we held hands or I walked her home and we had our first kiss or anything about the physical part of that relationship. Just the stuff you'd usually associate with two teens who were falling for one another. I just think it's very telling that his sole focus was on talking with Shannon and that's the same thing he did with Kim.

And then the most important part of this entire conversation comes at the end.

Chris responds, "Penny didn't make me feel like that."

Eddie then says, "Exactly. Someday somebody will and you'll never let them go."

This line to me isn't about Shannon because that relationship just never really worked with them at any time. It was something Eddie was always running from and then even when he wasn't he was using it as place to to hide behind. As the performance of what he thought he was supposed to be. Like playing at a picture perfect family when that was never how things were with them and it wasn't what he wanted. Not with Shannon anyway.

The person he has never run from or let go of is Buck. Him and Buck have chosen one another time and time again. Eddie is talking about a soulmate in that line and that person for Eddie wasn't Shannon. I'm not saying his relationship with Shannon wasn't important it was and it will always have an important place in his life but she isn't the one who knew him the best. Who he could really be his true self with. The person who has seen all of the worst parts of him and loves him regardless. Who pushes him to be the best version of himself. That person is Buck. This is why I think they held off and released that scene so close to when season 8 is coming. This is the season when Eddie will realize that his person his Buck and this conversation will hold even more meaning.

[crazyk-imagine]

Ruined Relationships, but the Love is There

Pairing: Mark Sloane x Ex-Girlfriend!reader

Characters: Mark Sloane, Ex-Girlfriend!reader, Kara Sloane, Jackson Avery, April Kepner, Meredith Grey, Christina Yang, Derek Sheppard, George O'Malley, Owen Hunt, Addison Montgomery (briefly mentioned)

Warnings: Angst, fluff, cheating, adultery, ooc peeps, minor cursing, drama (what else would you expect), like a lot of drama, near death experience, classic grey's things going on here, cheating, bad relationships, mentions of pregnancy, keeping children hidden from father, car accidents, reader is a doctor, everyone is in kahoots, Christina is into beating, Meredith and Derek are cute, Bailey is great as always, George is here and lives, no mentions of Izzie or Alex, friendships between Mark and Meredith, plus Mark and Christina, Christina is a secret romantic at heart

Word Count: 4,593

A/N: I feel like everyone is ooc but idc bc I love this fic

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You ignore him, praying to whatever god is listening to keep him away from you.

Meredith and Christina notice the tension in your shoulders, sharing a look.

“You know I don’t care about a lot of people but, are you okay?” the curly haired female asks.

You shrug, acting as if nothing has changed. “I’m fine, why?”

Meredith chimes in. “You’re looking a little-“

“Squirrely?”

“I was gonna go with tense but squirrely works.”

You huff through your nose, “would you two shut up.” You hand the clipboard back to your favorite nurse, Marjorie. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You spin around and walk out, not looking back.

Derek shakes his head, watching you basically run out of the hospital.

Mark glances behind him, not finding who he wanted and sighs. He looks up to see his friend and offers a small wave.

The ferry boat lover nods to acknowledge him.

The plastic surgeon bids the others goodbye and stands in front of the doors, thinking about everything that led him here.

You drive past him without realizing it as he thinks of your face when you caught him in bed with Addison.

His eyes trail on the car, wishing he could see you again and not just glimpses.

-

You roll your eyes and walk away across the bridge, not caring how unprofessional you look. “I’m not talking to you.”

He picks up his pace, following after you. “Please just-“

You scoff, spinning around to face him, “no, I tried before. I did and then,” you lean forward poking him in his chest, “you decided to stick your dick in someone else. Someone who was married and oh, yeah, not your girlfriend.” You cross your arms, “so, excuse me for not being particularly excited at the sight of you.”

“Fiancé.”

You blink once, furrowing your brows. “What?”

“I was,” he gulps. "I was going to propose to you that night.” He pulls the little black box out of his pocket, handing it to you.

”Before or after you screwed Addison,” you bitterly add, staring at the box. If you open it, that's giving him hope.

"I- she came to me and-“

You scoff hard enough for the vibrations to scratch your throat for a few seconds. “I cannot believe this- you- you think it’s okay to just- I’m done.”

“Please don’t,” he begs, eyes getting glossier the more you talk. “Don’t say it.”

Your bottom lip wobbles, removing your gaze from him. “I’m done with this, with us, and you. Now, you get to deal with the guilt. If you have any at all.” You slam the box in his hand and walk away.

Nothing could have prepared anyone at the hospital for this.

You know they’re all looking at you and it pisses you off. “What are you looking at?!”

Christina does damage control, stopping everyone from getting your wrath.

-

Meredith finds him in the on-call room, she was hoping to nap before joining in on a surgery but seems like the universe had other plans. ”You uh- okay?”

He fiddles with the box, staring at the diamond that taunts him. “Does it look I’m okay?”

She shrugs, “not really but it’s better than admitting you were stupid for messing things up with her.”

“My mistake brought Derek to you, didn’t it?”

“Why are you here?”

“If I go to Joe’s I’m going to sleep around, proving her point.”

“And staying here?”

“I don’t know where else to go. Derek is still upset with me, and I don’t blame him, but I know he loves you and I don’t need to hear a speech from him. I’m not ready for him to tell me I messed up more than any of us want to admit.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” He asks, finally looking up from the ring. “I was scared.”

“To,” she gestures to the ring.

“That and be a husband.”

“You weren’t scared of asking, it was the commitment that got you, I can understand it.”

“No, no," he shakes his head. "I didn’t think- I knew I wouldn’t be a good husband. I- everyone only saw the bad, my parents, Derek at times but she didn’t. She never did and that’s why I,” he lets out a tearful chuckle, “that’s why I fell for her. She saw the good no one else did and I screwed it up.”

Meredith hands him a tissue.

“You tell anyone about this, and I’ll let you observe one of my surgeries beside me.”

“I wasn’t but if you’re offering.”

The two chuckled.

-

Christina owlishly blinks, watching as you work on your last patient for the day as if nothing’s happened.

“How can she just put it all behind her?” George questions, sitting beside her.

“Having a nervous breakdown earlier in the day helps.”

“I feel like there should be someone sitting between us.”

The future cardiologist shrugs, “suit yourself.”

“You’re going to check on her after she’s done, right?”

“I’ll talk to her, if she opens up, good for her.”

A smile dances across his lips, happy that someone’s going to check on you; he likes you and admires your work, knowing you could be someone as well-known as Ellis Grey.

-

“Can you teach me your sutures?”

You ignore her and finish checking over your charts. “Yours are fine. Tell me the real reason you're bugging me.”

She purses her lips, not wanting to admit it out loud. “Are you okay?”

“You really want to know?”

She hesitates to nod. “I… do.”

“It sucks. Everything just… sucks. I don’t want to be here, but this is the only place that makes me feel calm.” You hand Marjorie the chart, smiling at her before returning to Christina. “I’m going to get through this. He’s going to find a nice girl and have the family he always wanted while I’ll still be here.”

“He’s going to go through girls like I go through tequila.”

“I know,” you grab your bag. “Which is why I know he’ll finally find his girl.”

She follows you until you reach the door. "What if it's you?"

A sad smile stretches across your lips. "He lost her."

”Forever?”

You shrug.

The resident stands there, unsure of what to do now.

-

You glance in his direction, wondering how many women he’s going to write down on the sheet. You hand yours back to Bailey, “I keep my life outside of work, unlike some people.”

Mark inwardly groans.

Bailey avoids making eye contact with him, she can’t continue to feel bad for him when he’s the one who messed things up (from what you told her).

You walk past the new residents, not in the mood to deal with them, especially with the girls fawning over Mark.

-

You sit down and watch his surgery, listening to the way he talks down to them.

You always told him he needs to slow down and be kind to them or else they won’t respect him but with everything that’s happened, you assume he’s a little bitter.

He always knows when you're watching and composes himself, but he can’t help and snap at the newbie (you don’t need to be talked about as if you’re a piece of meat). He glances up, catching your gaze.

You gulp, finding his soft expression he only used for you.

Everyone turns to you.

Two of the girls in orange start gossiping beside you.

“I have charts to look over. Come with me?” George asks.

You nod, finding it hard to keep your gaze off him but do so, only to inform the girls of some key information. “Keep talking like that and you two won’t find yourself off bedpan duty for a few months. Don’t talk about your superiors like that again."

The young faced one eyes widen and her face pales at your threat.

Mark can’t help but smirk behind his mask, always loving it when you straightened people out, if it was necessary.

-

"I see you two still aren’t talking.”

“Shut up, George.”

“Right, yeah. Got it.”

-

You try and ignore him again, which is when Derek steps in. “You should talk to him.”

“I know you two are all buddy buddy now, but I can’t do that. I can’t pretend like he didn’t break my heart in two. So, excuse me for ignoring your best friend."

He stops in front of you. “I need you to stop, think about this. What if you two don’t make amends and something happens? How would you feel? Think about how he would feel?”

“We’d be depressed, but eventually get over it, maybe be slutty for a few months and that’s the end of it.”

“That’s not a healthy way of dealing with your feelings and you know it.”

“I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I have issues and I deal with them my way.”

“If you’d talk to him, maybe you’ll feel better.”

You roll your eyes and head into the prep station before you two head into surgery.

-

Bailey rolls her eyes, reaching for your phone. “Your phone keeps buzzing, doctor.”

You sigh, “does it look important?”

She leans closer, whispering, “it’s about your daughter.”

“Daycare or babysitter?”

“Babysitter. Fever, wants her mom.”

You take a deep breath and lean over to talk to your friend, “doctor Bailey’s going to take over. I need to go.”

“You’re leaving in the middle of a surgery?”

“I have to take care of something.”

“What?”

“My daughter.”

The staff in the OR got quiet, no one observing said anything.

You didn’t see the lights until it was too late.

-

“We got one adult in critical condition. One child with a minor bruising.”

Bailey and Owen are the first to arrive.

The woman’s eyes narrow to the familiar baby in Matt’s arms.

Owen steps forward. “What happened?”

“Car accident. Drunk ran a red light. Drivers side took more of the impact.”

“We need to get her checked out now.” The redhead pushes himself through, taking over one of the rooms. He tells the interns and fresh residents to prep a surgical room and put Christina on babysitting duty, leaving Jackson to follow him and Callie into the OR.

“I heard there was an accident,” Mark says, standing in the doorway. “I wanted to see if you needed any assistance?”

Callie glances at her ally in the room. “No, you should go check on Derek. I think I heard him calling for you.”

“When did he-"

“She’s coding,” Jackson interrupts.

“Crap! Avery, push one of epi.”

Everyone in the room prays for it to work and you to come back.

“Let me help,” he takes a step forward before being called away by one of the nurses.

-

He takes a sip of coffee, goes over the notes and overhears a few residents gossiping. His head whips in their direction. "Where'd you hear that?” He asks them, not accepting their answers.

They freeze. "Where did you hear that? Is she here?"

The group of residents’ glances at one another, unsure of what to say. "Who told you she's here?"

April had never worked with Mark before and seeing how freaked out he was over someone who wanted almost nothing to do with him, she felt bad; if someone she was in love with was hurt or worse, she'd want to know. "We- we saw her come in. They-"

He doesn't listen to anything else and takes off, running past Christina, who coddles the tear eyed, red faced toddler in her arms.

-

He runs straight towards Meredith, who's talking to Owen. "Where is she?"

The red head takes a step foward. "She's in surgery-"

"What room?"

"Sloan, you know I can't-"

He grabs Owen's scrubs by the collar and pulls him close. "I need to see her. I can't be here, waiting to see if she's dead or not. Tell me where she is."

The ex-vet slowly reaches for the man's hands. "Mark, I need you to calm down."

"How can I calm down when I just found out my fiancé is in surgery?"

-

Meredith takes a seat beside him, slumping against the wall, offering him a snack.

He shakes his head, closes his eyes and resting his head against the wall. "Have you heard anything?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I don't even know where she is."

"I just- what am I going to do if she's really-"

"Don't talk like that. She's not one to give up. She's-"

"A fighter?"

"Yeah."

Christina turns the corner, eyes wide. "Meredith?" She spots the two of them and runs towards them, inadvertently introducing your daughter to her father. "Mer. Mer. I need your help."

"Where did you get a baby?" She pushes herself off the floor. "Why do you have a baby?"

"Bailey put me on Kara duty and she won't stop crying."

"Whose baby, is it?"

That's when things got awkward.

Meredith's eyes widen, "no."

She nods.

Mark opens his eyes, glancing up. His eyes stop on the little girl, who glances his way.

She reaches for him. "Dada."

No one knew what to do.

"Oh my god," the two women muttered.

He pushes himself off the floor, staring at her. There's no mistaking it, she has your features, but she's got his eyes.

The little girl fusses in the woman's arms.

Mark easily slides her into his, his daughter settles into his arms, staring at him with those wide, curious eyes. "Mama?"

He gulps, "we have to wait a little bit before we see mama, okay?"

She nods and lays her head down on his chest.

He closes his eyes to keep his tears at bay, kissing the top of her head.

-

"She still loves you," Christina tells him.

He keeps his gaze on his girls and hums. "When you showed her the ring, she didn't say it was officially over for you two but she's still heartbroken over you and Addison getting together."

"I was getting ready to leave."

"What?"

"I grabbed my jacket and made sure I had the ring. I was- I wanted that night to go perfectly but then I opened the door, and she was there." He sighs.

"She let herself in and I tried to get her to leave but she wouldn't and then she kissed me. I told her I couldn't because I was about to become a proud married man," he bitterly chuckles.

"I told her no and she got upset because she knew she could always run to me but when she knew she couldn't anymore, she decided she wanted to love me. The way I wanted her to when we were younger. I accepted it, you know."

The woman nods.

"I accepted the fact that she chose Derek. He was a good choice."

"He was a safe choice, and she knew that."

Mark nods, "yeah and that's why I... tried to warn him before he proposed."

"You tried to warn him?"

"He's my best friend, I couldn't let him go into a marriage that was going to hurt him."

She chuckles, "that's ironic."

"Shut up, Yang."

"Go on."

"I gave into her because a part of me was scared- scared I was going to hear the rejection. No, I can't marry you because..."

"You're a manwhore?"

"Baby present and, yes. I didn't want my past to define my future but then, it did, and she left with Derek."

"Do you think Derek knew about," Christina gestures to the baby in his arms.

"Probably. I'm not happy I missed it but at least I know she had someone who could take care of her."

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

"If she'll listen."

Her pager beeps.

"Go, Yang. I'm not leaving."

Derek nods and steps into the room.

"You hear all that?"

His friend shrugs, "only the good parts."

"Funny."

"She was going to tell you before... everything happened but then she needed to get away and I did too-"

"So, she left without saying anything."

"If it means anything, she wrote a journal throughout the entire pregnancy, in case she passed, and Kara wanted to know about her mom."

He can tell by Mark's expression; he needs to explain.

"She was stressed throughout the entire pregnancy, and it was cause for concern. She had a few fainting spells and needed to stay home for a while. The doctor was making it seem like if she even went to the bathroom, she was going to lose Kara which scared her more than leaving you."

"Why?"

"If she lost Kara, it meant losing a piece of you which would have made her feel like it was officially over for the two of you."

Your heart monitor beeps. "Derek?"

His friend calms you down, checking you over before whispering that Mark and Kara are in the room.

You slowly turn your head, spotting them.

The father of your child smiles, relieved to see you awake. "Hey."

You spot your little girl tucked into his neck and tear up. You bring your hand up to your mouth to hide the sobs that want to escape.

Mark gestures for your guys' friend to exit so he can talk to you. He slowly pushes himself out of the chair, adjusting to the little girl. "Hey, hey," he brushes the few strands of hair out of your face, his thumb rubbing agaist your hairline. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "Don't be. I'm just- I'm happy you're okay."

"I wanted to call you so many times."

"I know."

"I wanted you to be there."

"Where?"

"In the room," you whisper, staring into his eyes. "I didn't want her to be away from you but-"

He nods. "I know, I messed up. If I didn't- if it didn't happen, we could have been a family, and I will forever be sorry because you went through it alone."

Hearing your voice alerts the little girls’ ears and she squirms in his grasp.

He sets her feet on the open area near your arm, letting her turn around and launch herself into your arms. "Mama!"

"Oh, my sweet baby." You kiss the side of her head. "Mama missed you."

His heart swells at the sight of you two.

-

A few days later and you feel okay enough to be sent home.

You bid your goodbyes to everyone, even the newbies because they were nice enough to check in on you and make sure everything was okay. You step outside and take a deep breath.

"What do you think you're doing?"

A quiet moment ruined by your ex.

"I'm breathing, Mark. Can I do that, or do you need to make sure the weather's just right?"

He chuckles before getting out of the car. "You know your doctor gave you strict orders, I think you should be following them but that's just me."

You stare at him with a deadpan expression. "I got it, Mark. I know what I need to do, don't try and patronize me."

"I would never."

-

The residents huddle together, watching the two of you.

"How much do you want to bet that they're going to get back together?" Christina asks.

Jackson nods, "I'll take that bet."

Meredith stares at the two of them.

"You two are awful," April adds.

"Yes, but we'll be bad people with money," the future cardiologist tells her with a sarcastic smile.

Derek stops at the desk, taking a sip of his coffee before making his way to the group. "Okay, if we're all done gawking at two grown adults trying to move past their differences, can we get back to work?"

"You're no fun. I remember when you were having fun."

"You want to scrub in on my surgery, Dr. Yang?"

"Let's go have fun. See yah, Mer."

-

You make it through the door of your place and wait for it. "Say it."

"What?" He closes the door, setting the stroller by the door as he unbuckles Kara.

"I know you're judging, so, out with it. I'm not going to pretend as if you don't want to say something because you do."

"I don't," he notices the look you're giving him. "I... like it."

"You hesitated even finishing that sentence."

"I did not."

"Did too."

"Mama!"

You two glance down at the little girl, wanting attention and out of her father's grasp. You gently take her from him and wander into the kitchen, scouring through the cabinets to figure out what kind of things you could have as a snack.

This is what he wants, he wants this life: the one where you're not mad at him, and he can watch his daughter grow while you look amazing at being a mom.

He gulps down what little saliva he has in his mouth and takes a hesitant step closer to you. "What are we feeling?"

You hum, "I don't know, little miss here can't decide on what she wants."

"I can make something," he meekly offers, unsure if this is too much or not.

"What can you make? Last time I checked all you knew was protein smoothies and even then, that wasn't the best."

He scoffs, "I know how to cook, and you know it. You forget who made you dinner for our second date."

You open your mouth to respond but don't have it in you when you think about the good times you two had. Your gaze drops.

He feels bad but he can't pretend as if your romantic past doesn't exist. "I was so worried I messed up with that dinner."

"Really?"

"Of course, I was cooking for the most beautiful girl within a five-mile radius of my house. I was more than nervous."

"Good."

-

You step out of the room and start cleaning up, only for Mark to stop you and grab everything you pick up.

"I told you not to do anything. I got this."

You lean over the couch and watch him wander around your place. "Do you..."

"What?" He glances up, staring at you with kind eyes, wanting to hear what you have to say.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if it didn't happen?"

"I know we'd be married with at least one other kid now."

"I'm serious."

"I don't want to focus on the past."

You scoff, rolling your eyes.  "Says the man who always wanted to ask about my exes."

-

You don't even know how it happened but here you are. You pull away, needing to breathe before continuing.

"Are you sure about this?"

You stare into his eyes, for what feels like an eternity. "I'm sure. I want this. Please," you beg.

His lips curve upwards, "who am I to deny you a fun time?"

You keep him at arm’s length, "that comment makes me want to rethink this whole thing."

"No, it doesn't."

You grumble and pull him back in for a kiss.

Meredith immediately closes the door, regretting not checking before opening. "Seriously you guys?"

You reach for your shirt and cover your mouth to hide your giggles, Mark turns to you with a smirk. "How do you know we weren't trying to invite you?"

"Because you know better."

Your eyes widen.

"Hey, Bailey," he says with a cool tone.

"You two better be out of there in the next five minutes or-"

You open the door and run past the two. "See yah, Bails. See yah, Mer."

Mark stays there flabbergasted at how quickly you ran out the door, leaving him to deal with her.

-

He closes the door just as you finish making dinner. "You are evil."

You stick your bottom lip out, "I don't think so, I made dinner. I'm going to be feeding you, I'd consider that to be something nice."

"You left me to deal with that- that woman alone."

"I left you with Bails, you were fine."

"I was not fine. I was far from fine."

You click your tongue, "stop exaggerating."

"I'm not and you know it."

"Okay," you groan. "I'm sorry. I left you with Bailey and that wasn't nice."

"It wasn't." He wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on your chest.

"I said sorry, don't be like this."

"I think I'm going to need a little more in order to forgive you."

You lean into him as you settle into his arms.

The monitor goes off and you're brought back to the reality of you being in the arms of your ex.

You push yourself out of his grasp and walk towards her room. "Hey, pumpkin."

She holds her arms out for you.

You pick her up, "how's my little baby?"

She babbles a response. "Dada?"

"He's still here, checking on dinner. Your favorite."

"Maccheese!"

You chuckle, "yeah."

"There's my favorite girl," he smiles at the happy little girl.

You observe the way they interact with a heavy heart, knowing you can't continue doing this with him.

-

"What happened?" Christina asks, practicing new sutures on a banana.

"Nothing happened-"

"You're not sleeping with McSteamy, something happened."

"I just- I realized we need to not fall back into old habits."

"Do you still love him?"

You hesitate to answer.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Of course, of course I still love him, but I can't be in love with him-"

"Because he was an adulterous whore?"

"Yeah."

"Have you seen him with anyone else?"

"I didn't need to see anything if all the girls talked about him?"

"Did you ever think maybe they lied? Maybe they're jealous of the fact that you have a hot guy fawning over you and only you. What else would they do other than gossip?"

"How am I supposed to believe that?"

"Have you ever talked to him?"

"I'm scared."

"So is he."

"I don't want to get hurt again."

"He wouldn’t want to lose you again."

"Christina?"

"Yeah?"

"You're wise beyond your years."

-

You run to him, pulling him into the break room.

He attempts to get up. "Shut up and let me talk."

You take a deep breath, "I want to be with you, like we were before but we're not those people anymore. And- and I want you to be in Kara's life so you can watch her grow up but this," you gesture between the two of you.

"This can only work if we're honest and you don't leave me for a quick lay or else, I will put you in an OR and change things about you. I will not put myself or Kara on the line if you're not going to give us your all."

He nods, taking in everything you've said. He pushes himself off the couch and walks towards you and pulls you in for a hug. "I'm never letting you go," he mumbles into your hair. "Living without you was the worst time of my life."

Mark pulls away, cupping your cheek, staring into your eyes. "If you let me into your lives, I promise not to mess it up because you two are too important to me and I don't know if I'd be able to live without you."

You sniffle, chuckling at his dorky smile. "Then don't be an idiot and kiss me."

-

"Finally," Christina turns around, pointing to everyone. "You all owe me money."

"Us."

"You owe Mer and I money."

Derek makes his way towards them. "What are we looking at?" He smiles, "good, it's about time he got his act together."

[miharuki]

Hi, could I request luka couffaine x reader fic please?

Reader is Adrien's twin sister, and she likes luka, and luka feels the same way, but the reader is worried about what Gabriel will think and doesn't want to hurt luka :)

Thank you very much ahead of time ♡

Firstly, sorry about my English cousin, secondly I think I'm going to do part 2, the text was long (2000) words

(fluff at the beginning, angst at the end, gabriel and asshole, secrets)

𝕺𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖀𝖕𝖔𝖓 𝖆 𝕿𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖆 𝕭𝖑𝖚𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖛𝖊

Once upon a time… A couple, a loving wife who gave up everything for her true love, and her devoted husband who loved her enough to defy reality for her, even if it meant bringing her back to life, and finally waking her from her precious slumber, like a beautiful Sleeping Beauty. Even if it meant making their own children the unhappiest people just for his selfishness, that was Gabriel Agreste, father of Adrien and you, Agreste, twin children born from the same feather but completely different.

Adrien gained total attention from people when he became a model for his father's collections, not only he, but you too. However, you felt lonely in that mansion with no one to talk to, even though you went to school, you felt empty. Why? you wondered.

Until… when your brother introduced him, a friend of his and an ex of one of his friends, Luka Couffaine, a sweet name with a lovely meaning, "luminous." And now you understand why. Since you met him, Luka has proven to be a calm and kind person, always listening and helping others, a light in people's lives when they need it, an admirable person.

"Hello to you too, [Name]!" Luka said as he waved and approached slowly, smiling warmly as you greeted him in return, unaware that someone was watching your interaction. Adrien smiled when he noticed that his sister was opening up more to her friends, and he also noticed how kind Luka was being to his dear sister, making him a friend to Adrien as well.

While for Adrien, it was just a friendly interaction between his friend and his twin sister, someone else saw it as something more: Juleka. Unlike Adrien or anyone else, she noticed the subtle change in her twin brother's attitude, realizing how Luka had started to light up in her presence—not just a friendly kind of happiness. Juleka saw that her brother was looking at you the way he looked at Marinette the first time, a look of love. She was hoping that this time their relationship wouldn't end up like the one with Marinette.

And it didn't. Juleka remembers how her friends began to notice how Luka was acting around you, how he smiled affectionately every time he was with you, or how his eyes took on a dreamy gaze whenever something reminded him of you.

"Luka has a big crush on Adrien's little sister, and it's just so obvious," Ayla commented while chatting with her group of friends, discussing the moment when you and your brother had arrived together on the Liberty boat.

"I bet she won't take long to realize!" Marinette said confidently, giving Luka a thumbs-up as if to say he was doing things right, and indeed he was. It didn't take long for you to develop feelings for the blue-haired musician.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go for a ride, maybe relax…" Luka asked while on his bike, making you smile at his kindness, something you had admired about him since you first met. But he seemed especially bright that day. When you sat on his bike, you felt nervous, which was unusual, especially when Luka turned to ask if you were ready.

"Y-yeah!" you stammered, finding it strange that you were stuttering, which quickly turned into embarrassment for stuttering. Your face turned slightly red with embarrassment as you looked at the back of the boy, riding through the tranquil landscapes of Paris.

And before you knew it, you were in a relationship, an almost secret one, if not for the flushed and blushing faces every time you encountered each other. It was always him you looked forward to seeing when leaving school, wanting to stay a little longer instead of going home. The moments you spent in parks and on the streets, watching the sunset together while enjoying each other's company. You memorized every song he composed, especially the ones where he declared his feelings for you. Your relationship was so healthy that it was impossible not to feel envious of your strong connection. It was impossible not to see the true love that both of you seemed to share.

"I knew it! They were meant to be together!" Rose exclaimed as she hugged Juleka, who blushed at her girlfriend's action but was happy to see her brother in the distance, looking so happy with you, [Name] Agreste, Adrien Agreste's twin sister, a friend, and the object of affection for one of their friends.

"If Luka managed to make Adrien's sister fall for him, I think you can make Adrien fall for you too, Marinette," Ayla teased, elbowing her friend who was now stammering and blushing, while everyone laughed at Marinette's attempt to say something without stuttering.

But the perfect romance can never last forever, not even in a fairy tale. In this case, you couldn't stay with your prince charming. Imagine the surprise when you came home after another date with your boyfriend and saw your father standing there on the stairs. Something told you that something was wrong, especially when your father said in a stern and authoritative tone:

"I heard you've been going out a lot…"

"Well, of course! I've been hanging out with my friends…" you said as you approached your father slowly, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and looking at him with closed eyes.

"Especially with your friend Luka Couffaine?" Your heart stopped. He knew? But you had been so careful. No one else knew that you and Luka were dating; everyone just thought you were still friends, but friends who liked each other. That's what they thought, right? You remember that day vividly.

"…I want to be with you, [Name]. You're the only song playing in my heart and in my mind. I can't stop…" Luka said as he held your hand, the other tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. With a flushed face and a racing heart, you wanted to say yes and pull him into a hug, to tell him how much you loved him. But… what would your father think?

"I would like to… but…" A smile appeared on Luka's face before fading as you continued, "…I don't want the media to hound you. I just don't want to burden you… I'd be a weight…"

Luka smiled softly, realizing that you were just trying to protect him, and he found it endearing. He held your hands and gently moved his face to look at you. He smiled and leaned in.

"So, let's keep it a secret!" The confused look on your face disappeared as he continued, bringing his face closer to yours. "We won't let anyone know. If that puts you at ease, we can love each other even if it's in secret. That way, I won't have photographers hounding me, and you won't have to worry about it. So, what do you think?"

With his face close to yours, lips almost touching, you smiled. A secret, yes, it was perfect. That way, no one could question, and you wouldn't have to worry about the true reason – your father. You were happy and laughed in joy, finally sealing your relationship with the blue-haired musician. "I'd love that."

"You'll have more rehearsals from now on, maybe this way you can focus on your career…" Gabriel said as he turned, scrolling through his tablet and checking the news about his children. When he went up to his room, he placed his backpack on the chair and sat on the bed, grabbing his phone and sending a message to his boyfriend, letting him know that they would have more rehearsals, so their time together would be shorter.

"I don't mind as long as I can be with you, even if it's for a short time! ❤️" You smiled at the message and blushed as you lay down, looking at it with love. You felt happy to have someone like Luka as your boyfriend, embracing your phone with affection.

Even with the short time you had, you were happy to skip some rehearsals to be with your Blueberry, always meeting in secret, embracing each other and enjoying each other's company. That was until Lila arrived, not only lying to Kagami but also destroying your relationship. It was one of those moments when Lila left after the confrontation with Kagami following the akumatization that she saw your figure running somewhere. What were you, [Name] Agreste, Adrien Agreste's twin sister and Gabriel Agreste's daughter, doing running randomly?

It was when she realized that something might be going on that she followed you, watching where you were heading. She noticed that you entered a distant park and slipped into a thicket. Crouching down, she peered through the leaves and saw something surprising: you and a blue-haired boy, embracing. You? With a boy? Acting strangely? So, that's what you were running for.

That's what she thought as she grabbed her phone and took a picture without you two noticing, perhaps a way to hit Gabriel in another way. And that way turned out to be the worst. But everything came crashing down when, in the midst of a photoshoot session, during a break, you looked at your phone and saw a message from your brother.

"Luka is leaving, come quickly!!" This message made your heart race. What do you mean Luka is leaving? And so you ran, apologizing to the photographer as you rushed to get to your boyfriend's house as fast as you could, not caring about the confused onlookers.

"Luka!" Your shouts were heard as everyone turned to look at you, running to catch up with the boy. When he turned his head in surprise to see you sprinting toward him, just as he was about to get into the car, he simply gave up and ran towards you. Your friends watched as both of you ran. "Luka!" you yelled as you approached.

"(Name)!" The boy also shouted as he ran and embraced you, both of you breathing heavily from the sprint. Tears streamed down both of your faces, a rare sight.

"Are you really leaving?" you asked as you looked at him. The boy simply placed his hand on your face, wiping away the tears.

"It's for your own good," he said, trying not to cry, but a few tears were falling on his pale face. He sighed sadly.

"Can we meet again?" you asked, holding onto the hand he placed on your face. "I promise we'll meet again… I promise, my love." And so, for the first time, everyone witnessed the love between Luka Couffaine and [Name] Agreste, sealing their promise with a kiss, a moment that all could witness.

"They just did!?…" Marinette exclaimed in shock while smiling with her mouth wide open. Adrien, it could be said, was also surprised by the turn of events. Ayla took the opportunity to snap a photo of the moment, the last moment they could witness as their friends had just declared their love and made it official.

But soon, Adrien noticed a familiar car approaching Jacket Stone's car and their friends. It was his chauffeur's car, which stopped right behind. From there, Nathalie emerged, adjusting her glasses and immediately grabbing her tablet. She walked toward the couple, who were embracing again, and sighed. Nathalie then got the attention of everyone, including Adrien and Luka.

"Nathalie?" Adrien asked in shock as he looked at his father's assistant. What was strange was that she was here when she's usually always by his father's side. This worried him, especially since she could report directly to his father.

"Miss [Name] Agreste! Leaving your rehearsal abruptly and not responding to any of my calls, you two are in trouble!" Nathalie scolded.

And so, when you separated from Luka's embrace and looked at Nathalie, Jacket Stone, seeing the tension escalating, intervened to put his hand on Luka's shoulder and wake him from the situation. Nathalie had already grabbed your hand and was dragging you toward the car, while Jacket was also directing Luka to get in the car. Before getting into the car, Luka saw you smile at him, and he smiled back before entering his own car.

Adrien noticed Nathalie taking out her phone, and she looked at him, saying, "Don't forget to come home at 6:00 PM; your father only allowed you a few more hours." With that, she got into the car, and Adrien could see her sad expression through the window as the car drove away. Jacket watched with the children, observing your girlfriend's car disappear, just as they were about to leave as well.

"Dating?! Who gave you permission to date this boy?" Gabriel said, keeping his hands behind his back. He sighed in disappointment and pinched his nose. "I knew allowing you too much freedom could end up being a distraction, especially this boy, this Luka Couffaine. He was just a distraction!"

"But father, I—"

"But nothing, [Name]! Leaving after your rehearsals to meet with this boy?! Skipping a photoshoot just for this boy?! What do you think you're doing?! Do you really want to ruin our reputation? I think you deserve more than just a week of punishment! Go to your room now!"

Gabriel said as he fiddled with his ring behind his back. You simply accepted it sadly, walking up the stairs and glancing back to see your father looking at his tablet, viewing a photo from one of your meetings with Luka. You wondered who could have done this.

"Nathalie, make sure [Name] doesn't contact her 'friends' anymore. I don't want any more distractions," your father said before you entered your room, no longer hearing anything else, only the familiar tears returning.

"Luka…"

:(

part 2

[empty-vessel-of-a-person]

My Final Thoughts about Love and Deepspace Heartwork Routine Event.

P.S. This is Just My Opinion. No need to go ballistic against me. This are just my thoughts and general feedback about the event.

Zayne:

Out of all 3 Stories, his version is the only one that looks planed and feels totally like a date.

He make sure that you can swim, Less worry about hurting yourself.

He make sure to clear up his schedule to be with you.

He wants to prevent you from getting sick so he use his evol twice. First, to steady the boat. Second to freeze the fountain. By doing so, he achieved not only preventing getting you more wet, but you your were mesmerized by the ice fountain. Talked about hitting 2 birds in one stone.

When you are with him, he doesn't like anyone talking to you and wants all your attention. (The Look he gave the staff at the rowing event and when you are about to shake Dr. Stevens hands *Exclusive Tutorial* he grabs your hands and led you away)

He make sure you do not fall into water by steadying the boat before you hop out. You are a hunter, I'm sure you can handle a shaky boat but he still treats you like a princess. (And I am so loving it!!!!)

Xavier:

he doesn't even want to do the Heartwork Routine Event. It's kinda bummer. Imagine knowing you are invited to an event just to find out it was done on a whim? Who wrote this plot exactly? Trusting Xavier's personality, he will never did this to you. No matter how long it gets (800 years) he still remembers everything about you.

Rather than enjoying this event with Xavier, you ended up being confused and anxious all the time. This is actually one of the traits I don't like a bout him. True that It might freak you out if you found out about him, but come on! its irritating to get vague and shorts answer all the time. I hope he can be more honest in the future.

Xavier doesn't like to do what has been told him to do or rather walk on the path laid out for him. He always wants to do his own thing this also shows on the last part of the event. You two aren't even get to finish the event.

To all the Xavier girlies, I really do admire your heart and strength to be able to keep up with him. It's not easy for me to take the path less traveled, but you are strong and willing to venture the unknown just to be with him. That's true love right there.

Loving Xavier is also embracing the fact you may always not get answer from him and there will always be a lot of secrets.

In the end, I kinda feel anxious than relax.

Rafayel

Was this really a date with him or are we playing nanny for a teenage boy?

To me Rafayel has always been a bestfriend. And this is exactly how I feel about him on this event as well.

Just like Xavier, he doesn't want to participate in the event. Especially when the bike is involve.

He indeed prepare for the event, but it is all for him. Doesn't bring you elbow or kneepads.

He never ones asks if you are okay in the 2 times you two fall. And the second crash seems like not a joke. Flowers maybe soft but it's not a perfect cushion for a fall.

Honestly, what happened to Rafayel here. I get that he is dismissive sometimes, but for some one who waits for you in so many years and has been clingy from the start, he has not been so clingy lately.

By the way he kick you of the cliff (God of Tides Myth) and I simply do not like that. Infold what are you doing with Raf?

Conclusion:

Zayne has been the saving grace of this event or at least on my part. It seems that Zayne isn't driven the past to be with you. I kinda feel he still have a few memories the alternate lifetime, but he is living in the moment and doing his best to protect you.

I guess infold did listen to international players and they making up for it. But geez, don't make Xavier and Rafayel look bad. I hope that create separate team for each boys to ensure the quality of their stories and memories.

I am definitely a Zayne girlie but Xavier and Rafayel are close to my heart. I do not particularly follows the 2 all the time but I care about them as well.

[factorialsotherfandoms]

"Philza, can we be serious for a second?" Fit asks, one day.

"I'm listening." Philza turns, his attention granted once more

"If we ever get off this island, what are we going to do?" The question has been haunting Fit for some time; it is only right he asks one of his closest friends.

"… Go back to where we came from, I suppose." Philza, to his credit, seems melancholnic with the answer.

"But the kids, Phil," Fit's voice tenses on the words. "I can't take Ramon with me - you've seen where I live. I can't take a child there, never again."

"You've changed, mate."

"Philza."

It's not wrong, but its not what Fit wants to talk about. Not in the slightest, or at all - Philza has changed too, after all. For the more vulnerable, in both their cases.

There is silence a moment, before Philza sighs. "I get you," another pause. "I love my hardcore worlds, but… one life and you're dead. It's the thrill of it, it's the beauty of it, I'm sure I could make somewhere safe enough for my eggs, but… they shouldn't have to live in fear of death. Not ever, not any more, never again. Hell, not even Wil lives with me there, and he's an adult. Beautiful as it is its a solo world for a reason, you know?"

"Then you get me."

"Yeah, I get you."

Probably better than anyone else in the worlds.

There's silence again for a few moments, broken only by the sounds of using Phil and Missa's warp as a shortcut to spawn. Fit is quite content to let it sit, to simply know that the problem is shared, that he's not the only person both deseperate to escape and terrified of what that means.

The interruption, however, drives Philza to speak again. "Fit, what do you want to say?"

Does he want to say something else? Fit doesn't know, but assumes Philza must have some idea. "… I'm not sure," he says. "But I think some of the others don't have suitable homes either."

"Do any of them?" Philza replies. "I'm not even sure Wil /has/ a home at this point."

"Right. And the Brazilians. I don't know exactly, but Phil-" Fit pauses, unsure if he should finish that sentence, before deciding to hell with it, Philza will recognise it anyway. "Pac and Mike were using the boat to put distance between them and the law after their past caught up. Dunno about the others, but can't imagine its great if they shared a boat together."

Philza whistles, clearly not surprised. If anything, slightly impressed - FIt could always trust him with that. "Guess its a habit of theirs."

"I'm serious, Philza." Fit reminds him.

"No same," Philza gestures a bit. "I don't know them like you do, but Pac and Mike... They deserve a chance, let alone Richarlyson."

So do all the children, Fit doesn't say. He's done crimes enough against children before.

Philza waits, and when Fit doesn't continue, does so himself, "I don't know much about the French before they came here, or Foolish, but Bad was already working multiple part time jobs, and if he had a home it wasn't best suited to a kid."

"Vegetta? Missa?" Fit asks. "Does Quackity have somewhere to go maybe?"

"Dunno about most. Missa's a bit like Wil, though," Philza smiles softly at the thought, before it turns a little sadder. "Never stays anywhere very long, and with the skeleton thing and his reaction to this shack… pretty sure it's not by /choice/ he's doing the travelling musician act. Wil at least has somewhere to return to, Missa nearly burst into tears at four walls made of fences and a cheap roof."

"Well shit."

"Definitely can't take Missa to hardcore, either," Philza continues the thought. "I could make an area safe for Tallulah. Missa? He'd die as soon as I looked away from him and I /can't/ loose him. Not now."

"Travelling musicians, ex-cons, men who live alone without any contact, old hands in an eternal wasteland... The Feds clearly picked people who wouldn't be missed," Fit frowns a little, struggling to think of anyone who bucks that trend.

Philza doesn't reply to that. Fit doesn't think it too odd but, after he doesn't respond for a while, he looks over. There's a clear look on Philza's face, one that has ended empires and built others anew.

"Philza?"

"I do have… a bit of a plan. Not a lot of one. But I've been thinking."

"Thinking, eh? Using that beautiful brain of yours?" Fit doesn't know if he should be terrified or excited, and so falls back on the oldest trick in the book - flirting.

"Oh shut up big boy," Philza waves one dismissive hand. "But, yeah. I'm pretty sure, if we could get out of here, I could manage to find some place uninhabited. A new island or world. Whitelist it just to us islanders and the eggs, maybe people's partners from elsewhere. Infinite lives, an empty but open world… Somewhere just for us. All of us."

"It'd be a lot of work, starting again from nothing. Can you even support this many people? I know there's your worlds, but it'd be a lot..." Fit wants to be excited, wants to see some hope in this tunnel - somewhere safe for him and his kid, somewhere to retire to. Maybe make trips back to the wasteland, but no longer live there. Never live there again.

"I can't talk to her here, not easily, but I bet Kristin would be willing to support it. I've heard a few other people have ties to gods, too, which would help. Not sure which, but once we /have/ a plan asking is easier." Philza muses a bit as he talks. "We discussed it once, before, for another group. Smaller than this, but with help... I reckon it'd work. Even if not, I could hold it together long enough for someone to make a better plan."

"Sounds nice. Too nice," is all Fit can really say.

"I've never wanted it before," Philza sighs with the words. "I was happy just with my solo worlds, but… I don't think i could loose this - everyone - now I've had them."

"Just like I cant leave Ramon."

"Exactly. We've got families now."

"Look at us, getting old and sentimental."

"Oh piss off mate you started it."

"I know, I know." Fit laughs, because what can he do but laugh in the end.

Philza has a plan, and Fit is included in it. It will work, or it will fail, and there's nothing they can do about it.

It's a pipe dream, anyway; they'd have to get off the island first, and Fit's pretty sure that won't be possible in his lifetime. The best he can do is enjoy what he has for the time it lasts, and leave worrying to people better suited to it.

If only the Federations would let them have their fun.

[animatorweirdo]

Imagine being a Telerin child, and accidentally getting taken to Middle Earth

You were a child of a telerin sailor. You and your father were preparing to return to your home island until the darkening happened and the kin slaying followed. Your father hid you, but then you had to watch as he was killed right in front of you. You then get accidentally brought along to Beleriand by the Noldor after they stole your father's boat.

Warnings: Heavy angst, kin slaying, blood, seasickness, starvation, burning of the ships, Tyelpe being the only one nice to you, you technically become an orphan and get adopted by the murder family.

----------------------------------------------------

-  You remember that night like it was yesterday. 

- You and your father were walking across the harbor of Alqualonde, hand in hand, returning from a celebration. You were holding your plushie and a bag of candy after convincing your father to buy you one. He had always been more lenient in getting you candy than your mother who was more strict and insistent in eating healthy food. He had always been a huge softie for you, and you loved him for it. 

- When you were talking about what you wanted for dinner, everything suddenly became dark. The streets were lit by the street lamps, but now the only thing that lit the sky were Varda's stars. You didn't comprehend what was happening, except that it caused a lot of panic and that you heard that something had happened to the two trees. 

-Your father took you to his boat when you started to get scared by the darkness. The cabin was filled with lights, and you were no longer scared when your father comforted you. He tried to explain what was happening and assured you that you would go home once the valars did something about the darkness. 

- You then remember falling asleep. You were tired after playing a lot in the celebration and your father encouraged you to rest, deciding to help those in need at the harbor with his crew in the meantime. 

- You did not know how long you slept, most likely a few hours, but you remember waking up to strange sounds.  Something was happening outside the cabin since you heard loud yelling, and what sounded like metals being hit together. You became scared when you heard someone scream and fall into the water. 

- Your father then slammed through the door. His eyes were filled with fear and you noticed a deep red stain on his arm. 

- You asked what was happening when he suddenly picked you up and told you to hide beneath the floorboard. You did what he asked and he then said that no matter what you had to stay hidden. 

- You heard someone banging on the door of the cabin. 

- Your father closed the floorboard and you heard someone burst through the door. You heard talking and pushed the floorboard just a little to see what was happening. You saw your father and another elf, who was holding a long sharp-looking weapon. Your father pleaded but the other elf then swung the sharp weapon at your father. You slapped your hand against your mouth when you saw your father fall to the floor, motionless and lying on his own blood. 

- You closed the floorboard, and for a moment you thought the elf heard you. You heard him walk above the floor, and you kept quiet despite the tears that fell freely from your eyes. You heard him stay near the floorboard before walking away.

- You held on to your plushie while crying. You kept quiet when you heard more elves walk in, and a voice, telling you to take your father's corpse away. You then listened to your father being dragged across the floor, making you cry harder. 

- You wished this was a bad dream and hoped your mother or anyone from your father’s crew came to get you, but no one came. 

- You did not know how long you were there, but you heard the voices from outside quiet down and many footsteps step on board your father's boat. 

- They said something about sailing and after minutes you felt the boat move. You felt scared since the elves were stealing your father's boat. You did not know what to do and remained quiet for half an hour. 

- But soon you heard the ocean sing in fury and felt your father's boat sail through a furious storm. Your father's boat managed to endure, but you grew sick from getting tossed from side to side. It might have been because you ate too much candy, cried for many minutes, and witnessed your father's death, but you then vomited from the continuous sailing. Whatever these elves were doing, they did not know how to sail a boat.

- Your father never feared storms when Ulmo and one of his maiars became angry, he actually made you fear it less, but with these elves, you felt like you were going to die. 

- After surviving through the storm, you felt sick and thirsty. The smell of your vomit did not help you. 

- Your body felt cramped after so much hiding, so you dared to take a look above the floorboard. You remember your father storing some clean water bottles in the cabin, so you had an idea that if you could sneak in and grab one of the bottles, you could quench your thirst.

- You kept quiet when you saw three elves in the cabin, talking about something. One of them seemed like a kid by their voice. They said something about a curse and the boy wanting to be back with his mother. The elf, his father, said that they could not turn back now and told the boy it was the end of the discussion. You quivered when you realized the elf was the one who killed your father. 

- You saw the two elves leave the cabin, leaving the kid on your bed. You took the chance to quietly climb out and crawl toward the cabinet where the water should be. 

- However, you did not think the elf kid would notice you so quickly and found you hiding behind some boxes. 

- In panic, you tried to crawl back to your hiding place, but he was quick to calm you down and assure you that he was not going to hurt you. 

- He was soft-spoken, so you did not feel immediately threatened. He looked similar to the elf who killed your father, but in his eyes, he held gentleness and barely looked a few years older than you. He handed you your bag of candy, assuring you he did not take any, and since he had a feeling it belonged to you. 

- His presence felt somewhat comforting and when he asked if you were sick since you were pale and still had some spots of vomit on your clothes. You told him you had been hiding beneath the floorboard and puked when they sailed through the storm.

- You half expected him to laugh at you since puking through a storm was seen as pretty embarrassing, but he instead apologized since his kin were not very good at sailing and gave you a blanket to keep you warm and water when you told him you were dying of thirst. 

- After chugging down the water, you asked if they kidnapped him too. 

- He looked ashamed and then told you he was not being kidnapped. His father made him come with the rest of their family.

- You then tried to ask why his kin killed your father and stole his boat, and where were they sailing. 

- He looked even more ashamed and then told you what had happened to his great grandfather and that the dark vala Melkor stole something important from his family. However, he did not know why his grandfather and father decided to harm your kin. 

- You felt scared and asked if they were going to kill you too if they found you. 

- The elf boy seemed startled and quickly assured he would not let any harm come to you. He might not be able to go back home, but he will not let his father and family hurt you. 

- You doubted his words a little but felt comforted. You two then became friends and you learned his name to be Tyelperinquar. It was a bit hard for you to pronounce so he allowed you to call him Tyelpe for short. 

- Tyelpe gave you company and comfort, staying on guard when someone was coming to the cabin and telling you to hide when you had to. You honestly felt more safe with him, and even grew to like him enough to share your candy with him. 

- But then the sailing came to an end. You had reached the land called Beleriand. You stayed hidden when Tyelpe's father and uncle came to fetch him and told him they were going to camp outside on the beach. 

- Tyelpe agreed to go with them and left the cabin, leaving you hiding beneath the floorboard. You didn't dare to peak outside, so you tried to wait for Tyelpe to come back. 

- But after such a long night of hiding and sailing, you fell tired, so you grabbed the blanket and slept under your bed to stay hidden. 

- You did not know how much time had passed but then you woke up to someone gently shaking you awake. You were startled till you realized it was Tyelpe. 

- He told you most of the things had been taken to the beach and that he sneaked out when he had the chance. He said you should come with him to another hiding spot because you had not eaten the whole night. 

- You wanted to reject the thought but your stomach gave an audible answer, crumbling painfully. You could not then deny that real food would taste good. You were kinda getting sick of eating candy. 

- Tyelpe gave you his cloak, telling you it would hide your face and make others think you were just one of the Noldor kids brought along. You felt fearful but agreed to the idea. He gave you his cloak, which was slightly too big but did the job of hiding your features, and then led you outside.

- You were shaking when you saw the Noldor unloading boxes and raising tents on the beach. The idea of them hurting you haunted you as you were not one of them, just an accidental stowaway. 

- Tyelpe helped you out of your father's boat and then led you to his tent. He was able to convince his father he was big enough to sleep on his own, thus he was able to bring you somewhere alone and have warm food without suspicion.  

- You were usually picky when it came to plain bread, but this time it tasted better than candy. You would not have complained if you got your mom's terrible fish soup.

- After having a proper meal, Tyelpe allowed you to sleep on the same bed as him because then he would be able to hide you beneath the blankets if anyone came to see him. You felt tired and thanked him for being a good Noldor instead of a bad one. 

- Tyelpe tried to comfort you when you remembered the moment when your father was killed and even apologized for his father doing something so cruel.

- You said you did not hate him because it was his father who had hurt your dad, not him. 

- Tyelpe then assured you that he would look out for you and not let anything or anyone hurt you, not even his father. 

- You two then shared stories to pass the time, giggling at funny things that happened with your families. You even teased him a little as he was nicer than his father. You then fell asleep on the way and did not remember much of what happened after. 

- Except when you heard yelling and saw something burning outside the tent.

- You woke up Tyelpe and urged him to go outside with you to see what was happening. However, when you two ran outside, to your horror, the Noldor were burning up all your kin's boats, including your father's boat

- Tears ran down your cheek, and when someone noticed you standing with Tyelpe without your cloak on, you ran away into the woods. Anything to get away from the monsters that were the Noldor. 

- Tyelpe followed after you, calling out to you and trying to make you stop before you ended up hurting yourself. 

- You didn't get too far when you realized it was awfully dark, reminding you of the darkness that darkened the harbor of Alqualonde. 

- When Tyelpe caught up with you, you cried in anguish. With your father's boat gone, you will never get back home and return to your mother. The Noldor's cruelty knew no end. 

- Tyelpe tried to calm you down, but you were too deep in your anger and sorrow. He had no idea why his family would do such a thing since half of the hosts were still in Valinor. They were supposed to send someone to sail them over so they could face Morgoth together. 

- You asked what was the difference between them and the dark Valar, they were just as awful as him. 

- Tyelpe tried to comfort you, but the moment was short-lived when you two were found by his father and kin. 

- You trashed against one of the elves, who harshly grabbed you and brought you back to the beach with Tyelpe. 

- You called all types of names, even those your parents would have been appalled to hear coming from your mouth.

- You were brought in front of Tyelpe's family and you were ten times more terrified to look Feanor himself in the eye. But your mouth might have run itself in anger and you continued calling them monsters. 

- They demanded to know why you had come along with them, and you angrily yelled how you were hiding in your father's boat before they killed him in cold blood. You didn't dare to try to flee when they came aboard and then stole your father's boat. You were even more upset by how they had burned it along with other boats they stole from your people. 

- Tyelpe's father then snapped at you when you continued running your mouth, and when he tried to touch you or grab you, you bit his hand, making him yell and pull away. 

- When he looked like he was about to hit you, Tyelpe suddenly ran between you and prevented it from happening, pleading him not to hurt you. 

- His father seemed angry when he realized Tyelpe knew about you, and despite fearing his father's anger, Tyelpe tried to stand his ground, explaining he found you when they had already sailed away from Alqualonde and that you were scared. 

- The situation was intense and you couldn't help but quiver while hiding behind Tyelpe. 

- Then two of Tyelpe's uncles, the tall red-haired one and one dark-haired one turned toward Feanor and told him you possessed no threat to them as you were only a child that got accidentally brought along. And since they were in new lands, there was no reason to throw you out. 

- You did not hear much of what they said. You were certain they were going to kill you like your kin, but apparently, they held some restraint toward children and Feanor decided that the issue was going to be settled later. It was more important for them to chase Morgoth as soon as possible. And the situation was left there. 

- You refused to leave Tyelpe's side as you trusted no one, and the constant hurricane of crying and angrily yelling left you tired and silent. It did not help when you forgot where you placed your plushie, holding it would have eased some of the tension. 

- Luckily, Tyelpe's family allowed you to stay with him and mostly left you alone, and since Tyelpe was still too young to join any battles, he mostly tried to look after you. 

- You had met a few nice Noldor elves before but knew nothing else of them except that they were excellent craftsmen and somewhat prideful. You were not used to that, most telerin were friendly and easy to talk to whenever you were at the harbor with your father. Now these hardened murderers, just gave you looks, somewhat filled with pity and you hated it. 

- You strictly remained with Tyelpe or in his tent, hiding in the cloak you were provided. 

- One of Tyelpe's uncles, Makalaure, if you remember correctly, came one time to see you. You were not really eager to see him since he had been one of those who willingly burned the boats, and simply asked what he wanted. He spoke softly to you that he understood that you were most likely scared and this was not an ideal situation, and then he returned your toy after hearing from Tyelpe that you had lost it. 

- You took your plushie back and uttered a silent thanks before refusing to talk any further. 

- He tried to sound comforting and that no harm will come to you, and that you will have everything you need, but you said nothing to them. You simply asked why he would care when it was so easy for him to hurt people and burn your dad's boat.

- He was quiet but did not seem angry. He then left you alone for now. 

- The rest was pretty much a passing thought. You stayed with Tyelpe most of the time and watched how things went. Feanor ended up ambushed by Balrogs and died, his son, Nelyafinwe then became the high king but then he was captured and taken to Angband. Makalaure then became the regent for the time being. It was kinda a hectic, especially when the rest of the hosts led by Feanor's half-brother came to Middle Earth, having traveled through Helcaraxe. 

-The tensions were high for some time, and then one of their cousins went to Angband and rescued Nelyafinwe. 

- His return eased the tension and the high king title was given to Fingolfin. 

- Your issue was then decided. Apparently, Makalaure was willing to take you in and turn you into his ward. You were not delighted by the arrangement, but knowing his other family members, he was a somewhat less bad option.

- Your life in Middle Earth did not start well, especially when you still held a strong resentment for them. King Thingol then found out what they had done and banned the Quenyan language, which forced them all to get new names in the Sindar tongue, including you.

- You were not happy about it, and gave Makalaure, or Maglor, a hard time when he tried to help you get a new Sindarin name. 

- So here you were now, away from the rest of your family, having to watch your only friend go live elsewhere, and now having to give up using your name. 

- You can only hope things will turn out better from there.

[netherfeildren]

Someone's Wife in the Boat of Someone's Husband .2

Series Masterlist : Moodboard

(Joel Miller x F!Reader)

Rating: Explicit 18+

A/N: Art is Body, the Texture, Seung Ah Paik, (2008-2009)

Word Count: 4.8K

Read on AO3

.2

I mean maybe I was holding all of the aces, but what was the game?

Joan Didion, Play It As It Lays

Gerri’s sister, Andrea, makes a wonderful dinner that night, linguine with mussels in a white wine sauce, a tossed salad, and several bottles of a lovely and crisp Pinot Grigio. By all accounts, it should have been a perfect evening. Friends and family in a beautiful setting. The day had been warm and lazy and seemingly perfect on the surface, but the underlying vein of tension was inescapable and un-ignorable. A huge drama had unfolded when you’d come back inside the house from the dock earlier. Eva was up in arms that Joel hadn’t brought you in immediately after the sting, said that he had no business tending to you when you were hurt and there was a doctor present. She’d even gone as far as to suggest that perhaps, if you felt too unwell, you should head back to the city, for a fucking wasp sting. Gerri had stepped in at that, said that it had been her sister who’d rented the house, and thus, was the only one who had the right to suggest when anyone should or should not leave. A screaming match had ensued. No one had really stopped to listen when you’d said that you really were fine. 

The seven of you now sit quiet and awkward at the dinner table out on the deck facing the dark and serene lake. A gorgeous setting with a terribly dark cloud hanging over all of your heads. The conversation is stilted and forced and there is a palpably bitter ball of tension being tossed back and forth between Joel and Eva. Sharply spit whispers and murmurs under their breaths as they sit across from you. She keeps rolling her eyes and clicking her tongue at him every time he tries to join the conversation Gerri’s been fighting tooth and nail to keep going. 

Ger’s best friend, who was supposed to have joined the weekend so that you’d not be the seventh wheel, had canceled last minute, and so you now sit at the the far end of the table across from the happy couple, trying your best to drown your awkwardness and the memory of Joel’s mouth on your skin in as much wine as you can guzzle as quickly as you possibly can. Light-weight or not, these are dire circumstances, it calls for desperate measures. 

The tension between Gerri and Eva wasn’t much better, and by extension between her sister. The three of them reminded you of the angry wasp from earlier, waiting to see who’d strike first. Everything about this was filling you with a type of anxious fizz that has the nape of your neck breaking out into a cold sweat and the backs of your knees itching. You want to run to your room, get all your shit, and run away from this place and these people as quickly as you can.

And then fucking Joel. Part of you wants to kick him on the shin under the table as hard as you can. What was his problem, helping you like that, touching you like that, calling you sweetheart, putting his goddamn mouth on you? Fanning the flames of this terrible, horrible, life ruining crush you’re developing on him? Perhaps this is the wine talking, but it feels like he’s slowly consuming your mind like wildfire. The feel of his hot, wet mouth, the slide of his tongue over the sensitive center of your palm, it’s all you can think about. You can’t stop picturing what it might feel like between your legs, over the tips of your breasts. He’d said he’d be gentle, but you have the uncontainable thought that that’s the last thing you want him to be with you.

You really hate yourself. This has to be classified as some flavor of masochism or something, you sitting across from him and his wife as they have a covert fight, all while you’re imagining what it’d be like for him to lick your pussy. 

Yes, definitely a masochist. 

He hasn’t uttered a single word in the past half hour or so, but you’ve been watching him out of the corner of your eye. You’re trying to be discreet, but you’re pretty sure you’re failing, and you can feel the bright, hot flush of the wine broadcasting itself on the surface of your cheeks like a blaring sign. He looks so good. His hair is wet from the shower, slicked back, and he has a slightly red flush from the sun today across his cheeks and the bridge of his strong nose. And he’s so broad, the sleeves of his button down straining with the thickness of his biceps. Your mouth feels parched, like there’s fire crawling up your throat, writhing within the confines of your arteries, licking up the notches of your vertebrae. 

You should go home. You should get away from these people. This was a mistake. And yet you do not. You remain, for some inexplicable reason. Masochist, masochist, masochist. A girl who likes things that aren’t good for her, that will only hurt her. 

You can’t help but think there’s something strange in the way that the two of them circle each other, in the way they exist around each other. Like two opposing magnets – connected by something, some sort of sameness, but constantly repelling each other, at the same time. You can’t say, quite precisely, what it is, perhaps, the undercurrent of hostility they move around each other with, as if at any moment someone’ll swipe out with sharpened claws, go for the jugular, but also, almost slowly, lagging, as if they are very tired of fighting such an interminable fight. You recognize something in them, and it isn’t until this moment, with you sitting across from them on the universally familiar battleground that is a family dinner table, that you’re able to realize what it is – a marriage filled with nothing but unhappiness and resentment. 

They remind you, very much, of your own parents. 

With age, you now thought that whenever people spoke of love, they were rarely ever speaking of real love. Most of the time it was a shroud for power or fixation or loss. Life has taught you this, your parents have taught you this. In many ways, you are now teaching yourself this. After all, all of these things most usually serve as the true center of what a romantic relationship posed as. Maybe. Or maybe you’re wrong. Too jaded – too gnarled. But when you look at these two people sitting before you, when all you can see in them is the bitter, ghostly reflection of your own parents, all it does is reinforce that idea. 

Joel’s eyes are a little blank, as if his mind is very far away from here, as Eva goes on about her new project at work, but you watch that little, fluttering muscle in his jaw from earlier make its frustrated return. If he grinds his teeth any harder you’re worried he’ll crack them. Gerri and Tommy have been having some sort of silent conversation for the past few minutes, she kind of looks like she’s beating him up with her eyes, screaming at him to do something to make this dinner even the slightest bit more bearable. His jokes are terrible and keep falling flat which you find quite funny, even though no one else seems to. Andrea’s girlfriend got up to go to get another bottle of wine like twenty minutes ago and never came back. 

Joel has his left hand resting on the table beside his plate, the other hidden below the edge. His fingers are long and thick, the nails trimmed neatly. He keeps stretching his hand open, and rotating his wrist to the side, back and forth, as if he’s stretching the muscles in his forearm out. His ring finger and thumb come together intermittently to meet and he rubs them together slowly, slowly. You sit across from him, chin cupped in your palm and watch the slow caress of those two fingers, eyes slightly glazed. Your legs beneath the table are crossed at the knee, thighs pressed together as tightly as you can. 

Eva’s been going on for the past half hour about someone on her team who, she claims, is the best insurance agent she’s ever met in her entire career. Impressive. You think you must scoff or make some sort of unconscious sound, lost in your daze staring at his hand, because she turns to you suddenly, abandoning her tirade to bestow her critical eye on you. Your knee jerks beneath the table, bumping against the underside and rattling the dinnerware on the surface. You feel the wine flush deepen at her inspection. You hadn’t really contributed much to the conversation throughout the evening, feeling too out of place and anxious to think of something interesting to say, too distracted by the sight of him.

“You know,” she starts – her voice has a deceptively guileless lilt to it that you think people must find incredibly charming when the look in her eyes isn’t calling for blood. “You’re a little quiet. Don’t have much to contribute, do you?” she purrs. 

You clear your throat once, twice, you hear Joel spit her name under his breath, and Gerri says something from the end of the table, but a white, rushing noise is filling your ears suddenly. She sounds very familiar. You clear your throat again, “I was just really enjoying hearing all about what it’s like to sell insurance,” you tell her. “I didn’t want to interrupt.” You hear Gerri snort loudly from the other end of the table. Sometimes you could have a backbone, if you tried very, very hard. 

She hums, arches a thin eyebrow at you. “Gerri says you’re single. That you’ve been unattached for quite some time.” You hear Gerri try to interject again, but Eva cuts her off, continues her set down. “Maybe that’s why you still haven’t found someone yet. No man wants a mouse, you know.” She clicks her tongue and it makes you flinch. You can’t look away from her, it’s like you’re sitting across from a ghost. Even the cadence of her voice reminds you of your mother. When you grow up with an angry parent in your house, there will always be an angry parent in your house, and you are acutely reminded of that in this moment.“Some people might think you’re boring if you’re not careful. Don’t you agree, Joel?” She turns to him, wide grin stretched across her face, and you feel your eyes burn, backbone obliterated, back at your parent’s dinner table. 

“No, I don’t agree,” he says coldly. “That’s enough, Eva.” She ignores him. 

She cocks her head at you, “Could be somethin’ to work on,” she says sweetly. 

“Joel, think it’s time for you two to say good night, don’t you?” Tommy says from the end of the table. 

You try to say that it’s alright, but you think you might’ve accidentally swallowed your tongue in your plight to find your voice. Joel stands suddenly, his chair jostling violently with the abruptness of his movements and clasps her around the elbow, pulling her up with him. “Yeah, we’ll say good night now, everyone.” She goes along with him, laughing loudly. 

“Goodnight,” she sing-songs, as he drags her down the hallway. 

That little girl you’d used to be, the one who always needed to make herself lovable, amenable, good, surges up sharp and vicious inside of you at her words, at the uncomfortable look of embarrassment in Joel’s eyes. He couldn’t even look at you, his eyes trained uncomfortably on his plate. All the care and generosity in his gaze from the afternoon cast away in the face of his wife cutting you down and your inability to defend yourself, your pathetic meekness. 

You turn to look out at the dark water, close your eyes and take deep breaths to ease the tightness in your throat. Gerri says your name softly. You swallow once, twice, clear your throat, swallowing the humiliation. You force a smile onto your face and turn back to her, roll your eyes, “It’s okay.” You try to huff a laugh. 

“It wasn’t – I’m sorry about that,” Tommy says. He looks just as embarrassed as Joel. You want to leave so, so badly. Perhaps this need to always run is just another inheritance from your mother. Just one more terrible burden, in a long line of disappointing inherited traits, that she’s left you with. 

“Tommy, really—”

“No,” he says sharply, letting his fork clatter onto his plate. Gerri says his name softly, you see her put her hand over his clenched fist on the table. “They’re unhappy. She’s unhappy — so she tries to cast the net of her misery around the rest of us – trap us in it with her. Make us all as uncomfortable and as miserable as she is.”

“I know — I can see that. That’s why I’m saying, it’s okay. I understand.”

But you don’t think he hears you, he goes on, “And she’s got my brother trapped there with her.” He looks at Gerri now and you can see all the worry and anguish he carries for Joel in his gaze, a little helpless. “I don’t – I don’t really know how to help him anymore.”

“Baby, it isn’t on you,” Gerri tells him gently. “All you can do is be there for him.”

Tommy turns back to look at you, and for a moment, the helplessness seems to have turned to contemplation, for some reason, as he tells you, “I just want him to be happy.”

-

Joel lays in bed hours later, arm propped under his head, unable to sleep. Eva’s in the room next door with Sarah. They’d slept in separate rooms since the start of their marriage. Neither of them had ever considered the alternative, and he’s especially grateful for that right now. He has the window cracked open, and the cool breeze is soothing on his overly hot skin. His cock is hard and throbbing under his boxers, and he wants nothing more than to call your face to his mind and fuck his palm right now, but he knows he shouldn’t. That if he does it once, he’ll never be able to stop again, will use your face to fuel his fantasies forever afterwards. He can’t stoop that low. He’s not that desperate. Not yet, at least.

And he’s angry right now too. So fucking frustrated at his wife and her attitude and the things she’d said to you at dinner. And most of all, frustrated at himself. Frustrated at the fact that he hadn’t said something more to defend you, that he hadn’t prevented that terrible look of shock and hurt from crossing your face. He should’ve stepped in sooner, said something more, stood up for you. He could tell that it was difficult for you. But he’d been a little taken aback at Eva’s words, at the venom in her tone. He knows she doesn’t have any sort of real problem with you, specifically. He can see through the shroud of bitterness to the heart of the issue at hand which is nothing more than what it always is, that she’s reaching the end of her line – been too stagnant for too long, stuck around with him and Sarah for too long. She’s unhappy and she wants to leave and she’s lashing out because of it. 

He knows she just needs time to come to that on her own, to gather the resolve to abandon her daughter and finally leave the way she wants to. He also knows that this will be the last time. That after this, after she leaves this time, she’ll be done with them for good, but also, that he can’t let her continue this. He needs to set a boundary for himself, but more importantly, for Sarah. She cannot watch her mother come in and out of her life, whenever she pleases, forever. There needs to be some sort of structure to their life, to their relationship, it’s his responsibility to make sure she has that. 

So, for now, until Eva comes to this decision on her own, he’ll put up with her venom and her attitude and her lashing out at him, but at him, not at you or anyone else. You don’t deserve for the misery of his life to spill over onto you. You don’t deserve that, you’re too good for that. Too good for him. 

He’s also really fucking frustrated that his cock is hard right now. That he’s such an idiot that the confirmation that you’re single had filled him with an inappropriate amount of relief and satisfaction, that if he isn’t careful and conscious of his thoughts and his body and his proximity to you at all times, he’s almost always verging on being halfway to hard in your presence. Like some horny, desperate, perverted old man. But he can’t help himself. You’re just too pretty. And now that he knows how soft you are, that he’s held your small hand in his, that he’s gotten close enough to be able to smell that subtly sweet scent that envelops you at all times, well, he’s practically a lost cause. Putting his mouth on you today, tasting the salt of your skin, fucking Christ, he shouldn’t have done that. He can never do it again, should never get that close again. It would be, he thinks, extremely easy to lose control of himself with you.

But he also thinks, despite this very aware notion he has that he should keep his distance, that he wants to find any excuse, any at all, to be close, to get closer to you. Maybe he should go apologize. Maybe he should go and say something about tonight, tell you how sorry he is for his wife’s words, for his lack of thought to speak up for you in the moment, to ask you how your hand is, if you’re in pain, if you need anything. Yes, he thinks, he most definitely should do that. It would be the right thing, the polite thing. It’s almost necessary, he finds. 

-

This was a mistake. He knows he shouldn’t be here, he knows this is a bad idea. Dangerous in a way crafted specifically by himself to hone in on his own weaknesses, strike where he’s most vulnerable. Fucking self sabotage and self flaggelation, all at the same time. He lifts his fist to knock quietly anyways. Fuck what he should do, what about what he wants?

You take a long moment to answer, he can hear your shuffling and movement through the door. You were probably in bed, maybe you were asleep already, maybe he’ll get to see that soft, intimate look of sleep in your eyes. Maybe he’ll be so lucky. 

-

“Joel – is everything okay?” Your voice is cracked and gravelly, and you try to inconspicuously wipe away the stickiness of your slick on your hand on the back of your sleep shorts, wind the long sleeves of your soft sweater over your fingers to hide the evidence of the fact that you’d just had three of your fingers stuffed to the knuckle inside your wet cunt, trying to make yourself come at the thought of him. What the hell is he doing here right now?

You plan to never see him again after this weekend, you’ve decided. You’ll tell Gerri you can’t be friends anymore, if need be, as much as it’ll devastate you. This is too risky, you feel at risk in his presence. There is something, some terrible sense of dread you’re filled with, a fight or flight instinct, the sense of prey right before it’s taken out by a larger, stronger predator, but some sort of instinct is telling you something very bad will happen to you if you stay anywhere near this man. That he’ll make you feel things you’ve never before felt in your entire life. 

“How’s the hand?” 

You almost choke. “Wh– what?”

“The sting?”

“Oh–” you’re trying to control your breathing, the stuttering of your heart from the interrupted orgasm, paired with his presence here right now has you close to hyperventilating, “Oh, it’s fine – thank you.” Your cunt is tight and throbbing painfully.

“Doesn’t hurt anymore?”

“No,” you lie.

He shakes his head a little, gives you the gentle curve of his crooked smile, “Don’t gotta lie, sweetheart.” Your heart drops at how easily he sees through you, has your throat tightening into a knot. The reprimand at the pet name catches in your throat. After the humiliation at dinner, the tears you’d shed in the shower, the feeling of being too emotional, overly sensitive, of not being able to just brush off someone’s offhandedly cruel words, your inability, even after all these years, to develop thicker skin – it’s hard to cast away the slight comfort. Even if you know it’s wrong. 

“Your wife?” You need to remind the both of you about her, in this moment. It feels very precarious, set on the edge of a cliff, for some reason. Perhaps because of how soft his old t-shirt looks, his low, gravely voice and messy curls, the late hour – the fact that all you’re wearing is an oversized sweater and sleep shorts and that your cunt is wet and swollen. 

“Asleep with Sarah.”

“Oh, she’s–” you cut yourself off abruptly, none of your business. 

“We don’t uh –” he stutters, a blush creeping into his cheeks, “We don’t st– stay together.” He blinks rapidly, looking down at his feet. The fringe of his lashes is long and thick. 

“Oh… okay–” you can’t think what it is you’re supposed to say to that, but you’re filled with a terrible sense of premonitory dread. He’s trying to establish something now, between the two of you, you think, explain something to you about the dynamic unfolding here and the one between himself and his wife. 

“I wanted to apologize – again.” He looks back up at you now. “I’m sorry for dinner. We were incredibly rude to you.”

“You weren’t rude. You didn’t say anything.”

“Exactly. I should have said something more. I’m sorry for that.”

“That’s not what I meant. You– you don’t need to defend me from your wife. That – that isn’t–” That isn’t right, you want to say, but the words fail you.

“Maybe so – but I should’a done it anyway. She was out of line, and I’m apologizing for it now.”

“Okay–” He looks away then, peers down the dark, quiet hall. Fuck, he mutters under his breath. This feels wrong. You wonder if your mother ever felt this anxious heaviness inside of her right before she did something she knew she wasn’t supposed to. 

“We– we don’t have a conventional marriage,” he says then, spills the words in a rushed tumble. His embarrassed blush flares brighter, and you squeeze your eyes shut, hold on to the door’s edge for support, like he knows, perhaps, that he shouldn’t be going here with you but feels the need to tell you this anyways. 

You blink rapidly, the dread in your gut churns violently. You shouldn’t be hearing this right now. The two of you shouldn’t be standing here at the door of your bedroom in your pajamas having this late night, hushed conversation. You tighten your grip on the door. 

“I – I don’t follow.”

“It’s, well – I don’t –” a frustrated huff, “We’re not really… together.”

You scrunch your nose at him, “It’s – it’s open?”

He frowns, shakes his head confusedly, “What?”

“You have an open marriage – an agreement to see other people?”

He passes a palm over his mouth. “Oh – I – I guess, yes. That’s – well, she does. But it wasn’t an agreement or anything.”

This is what Gerri had alluded to, you realize. “She cheats on you?” Too harsh, but you need to be clear now, on what it is he’s trying to make you understand. Although you’re not sure why, why you feel you need this clarity. You’re treading extremely dangerous water here, surrounded by the violent sharks of your history. 

“Well, I wouldn’t call it that either. I don’t–” he laughs bitterly, “I don’t feel cheated. That’s not what it is. We don’t have a close marriage or… I guess a real one, I don’t– I don’t know what to call it – an intimate one, I suppose. We aren’t really together, in a true sense.”

“Why– why not?” Looking at him, you can’t imagine how anyone could ever not want to be close to a man like this. 

He leans against the door frame, crosses his arms across his chest so his biceps bulge, and it brings him in slightly closer to you. Your mouth feels so dry, parched. “Different reasons, incompatibility. We never – we were never in love or anything. We got married for Sarah. It was complicated, I guess.” He frowns, “And then we just did it, and now this is how we are.” He shrugs. 

“Okay…” you say slowly. You lean against the door now too, rest your head against the smooth grain, prop one foot on top of the other. If you shift your knee forward just a few inches you’d bump his leg. You want to ask him why he’s telling you this, to put him on the spot in a sense, but you know why. You know why he’s saying these things to you. There is, against all odds, against all rationality, logic, morals, fear, there is something here, between the two of you. You’re afraid, you carry your baggage on your shoulders like the weight of a mountain, like the weight of a lifetime of fear and abandonment and painful longing, but you aren’t stupid or blind. You know there’s something unspoken blooming here between the two of you, intentional or not.

“Okay,” he says back to you, equally slowly. His eyes shift between yours, the look in them, so soft and warm. Kind eyes, he has kind eyes. Honest eyes, despite what’s happening here now. Despite the fact that even though you know it should feel dishonest, it doesn’t, not really. “Just wanted to tell you that.”

“I understand,” you tell him, because you do. You do understand. 

“And to apologize.”

“You already did that.”

The gentle curve of his smile, “Again, then.”

You can’t help but smile back, “Apology accepted.”

“And to check on that hand.”

You hold up your open palm for his inspection. “I think I’ll live.” And then he brings his own hand up, without your expecting it, and catches the thin of your wrist on either side by two thick fingers, gently brushes his thumb against the prominence of the bone at your joint. He nods his head tightly, jaw clenched once again, and then lets you go. 

“You have to,” and you think he means it in jest, but he says it so seriously, the look in his eyes so direct, but also…sad, slightly sad or desperate or something you can’t fully identify, that causes the joke to fall flat, has the muscles in your throat tightening painfully. 

“I’ll try.” You can’t tell what it is you’re promising to try to do. To live? To stay away from him? To let him come closer? Does it even matter? Is the act of trying wholly futile already? In some insane way, it feels like it is. As if what’s going to happen is already set in stone and nothing either of you do or don’t do will be able to change the course. 

The thought terrifies you.

He’s quiet for another beat, the two of you just looking at each other. You wish you could press your front to his, feel his breath push into your belly with each one of his inhales, fit your nose to the space behind in his ear, where the scent of him is strongest, and breathe him in, memorize him. You think you’d like to know everything about him. What his favorite meal is, what books he likes to read, what his parents are like, what music he listens to, what his favorite thing to do with Sarah is. 

None of that information is yours to have though, so all you’ll take from him now is his unnecessary apology.

“Goodnight, Joel.”

He nods once, pauses, twice, swallows. He doesn’t want to go. He’s telling you this with his silence and his lingering, but then he lets his eyes flutter shut and nods once more, slowly this time, and you watch another swallow pass through the strong column of his throat. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” You don’t correct him this time either.

Chapter .3

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