#>> out of character;;

[perpetualxfire]

(We're.. We're married, dude. Like, we own a dog together-)

[intangiblexambitions]

(hello new followers. this blog,,, may never be finished. that is all.)

[humanxcreated]

(Giving Delta and Android Body is already fucking hilarious to me because I keep imagining something happening and Church and York both simultaneously looking at him and he's just "??? I'm good at predictions, I'm not psychic.")

[heartbreakincident]

nothing but respect for our troops (smut writers) but listen. i dont want to be the person to tell you this, but not every character is going to be a dom or a sub. some people. and i know this is hard to hear. but some people do have vanilla sex. and some of those people might even be The Character.

[grimbeak]

woag. i'm sure this character who i've never heard of before in my life would do completely ethical things to me in my Smart Home and that there are not two games entirely based around why this is a bad idea

[mearchy]

my favorite genre of fictional character is like "i am terrifying to almost everyone, i'm very good at killing, i can endure anything, i've become exceptionally good at playing into my reputation, and if you try to give me positive social interaction i will react with confusion and cower in a corner like an abused animal. and i may try to shoot you. but there is also a chance i may imprint on you like a feral dog receiving its first loving touch! good luck."

[color-ns]

Sometimes tweeter people know their stuff- this is the right kind of toxic angst I want to read.

[janitorjuliann]

pls dont sleep on modern wtnv, this is from episode 259 and it made me actually laugh out loud at work

[nathaniacolver]

arcane ships be like

i love a show that teaches equality (😭😭😭)

[cronchy-baguette]

one of my favorite original girls

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

He should be at the Adventurer's Guild.

[perpetualxfire]

ooc: My Thoughts on Carolina

I have, in a very technical sense of the word given my low to near non-existent activity, claimed Carolina as my muse on this RP blog for... Almost a decade now? Since pretty close to the beginning of her existence as a character. And... In light of news re: 'Box Canyon Productions', I kind of got to thinking of my journey with her, so to speak. This post is a little rambly and maybe a little personal, but... I dunno, I guess I just needed it to exist? I'll put it under a read more, though.

It's strange, because I'd never felt as strongly drawn to a character before writing for her, and I've yet to find a character I'm as drawn to since; it's put me in kind of a weird spot, because I'd love to branch out, but nothing else feels 'right', and I'd love to interact with the community more, but my original RP crew has all moved on, and I'm shy as shit, aha. Not me complaining - just kind of the state of things, you know?

But I got to thinking today about, in depth, just why I developed such a strong connection to this completely fictional character in a (let's admit it) niche piece of media, and it's taken years of therapy for me to really understand it; I'm sure there's plenty that I don't understand, too.

I started writing her on Tumblr my Senior Year of High School (Year 13 for our UK crowd), and privately with a close group of friends about a year before that (while Season 9 was airing). A lot has changed about my interpretation since then, let me tell you. We've learned a lot about her, and I've learned a lot about myself.

In retrospect, it makes sense; I was an undiagnosed Autistic Child, a victim of emotional neglect (took a lot of time, but I don't blame my parents for it; none of us are great at emotion and communication, and we all have a lot to learn), and have since been diagnosed with PTSD (or CPTSD - sessions discussing it are... slow going) from some shit that I don't really want or need to disclose.

I know I'm not alone in this, but- picture this, if you will- a neurodivergent teen with trouble understanding and processing their own emotions, scared of a world that's too loud, unsure of what life has in store, desperate for some kind of connection in a seemingly un-tameable, incomprehensible sea of people, being introduced by an RP partner to a character who's also not great at emotional expression and communication who nevertheless appears to have her shit together and has proven herself incredibly competent in her field; a character that mirrors their own struggles to connect with family or friends, nevertheless finding what they excel at.

There was a time, back in the day, where a lot of people hated Carolina, which was always absolutely baffling to me (especially after the finale of Season 10). I saw a piece of myself in her (in an incredibly dramatized, much higher-stakes way). I didn't know why I was so attached, or how to communicate it; the attacks on her character felt like personal attacks on me. She's doing her best in a completely impossible situation, with the same weaknesses in character that I had, played up for the screen as a tragedy. How could I not empathize with that?

Watching her struggle, find a step forward only to take another step back, learn how to be a better version of herself only to find and fall into the same pitfalls... It was comforting. Some people at the time called it bad writing, to keep falling back on the same flaws that were already addressed, or to keep bringing up the same issues - but to me, that was real. Those things don't go away, we just learn to manage them, and it takes time, and seeing somebody who was as strong as Carolina (and RECOGNIZED as strong) fall to the same traps over and over was comforting. It felt like a hand on my shoulder saying 'you aren't alone'.

Maybe it's crazy, but I genuinely cannot bring myself to watch 'The Final Season', because it feels like saying goodbye - and I think we all know how the Church Family feels about goodbyes. They don't get easier. If I don't watch it, it can't be over. Hell, maybe, in some very slim, distant reality, it isn't, right? But I'm not going to get my hopes up just yet; the thought of disappointment hurts too much.

I'm not going to stay her story is flawless, but in a way, it's the flaws that make it what it is; it's human, and relatable (at least to some of us) in a way that I feel like 'imperfect' stories struggle to be. We want a neat bow on it, but that's just not how life works - and might be why I struggle so bad to move on.

Through this blog, through my connection with this muse, I found my now-husband and my best friend, I've made bonds (and slowly lost them) with people I still consider to be incredible people, and I've found a small foothold for myself in this wild world. My life is far from perfect, but I like to imagine that I managed to carve off a tiny bit of strength to bear it for myself. She became an Aegis, of sorts, from despair; life is rough, but I'm not the only one dealing with it. That's easy to think, on a logical level, but it's so much more difficult to truly connect with.

I've been told a lot that I can be pretty intimidating to talk to; I care passionately about my muse - she means so much to me in a way that's incredibly difficult to put into words, and I just want people to see what I see - so much so that I have a very hard time connecting with people who just cannot understand why somebody would like her (though maybe that's a normal feeling for people with their muses?). I enjoy writing, but I've never considered myself great at it; I just so desperately want to be understood. When I'm having a rough time, processing it through her helps - even if I stray away from characterization briefly to do so (though I do try not to).

Talking about this is hard, you know? Like... I get choked up the more I think about it, and, as it turns out, I still have a hard time processing where it's coming from. I almost want to say I'm mourning, but somehow that doesn't feel quite right. Like I'm... Remembering a close childhood friend that I haven't spoken to in a very long time, maybe? It's a difficult feeling to pin down. It's like there's something distinctly missing, and sometimes coming here brings that feeling out; a deep melancholy, that permeates the air.

As I develop my own skills, socially and emotionally, to navigate my own life, I tend to think back to her - somebody whose skill was never questioned (not really), but who thought her usefulness was the only important thing about herself, who gave everything of herself to a system that just didn't care - or, if nothing else, cared far too late. A character who had support, but failed to identify it, and whose biggest regret was turning her back to it, even if it may not have changed a thing. A character of missed connections and bad priorities, trying so hard just to make everything work - but she wasn't who she needed to be. Not yet.

I hear a lot the phrase 'everything happens for a reason', and honestly? I think it's pretty bullshit. But I do think that everything that's happened, has already happened, and that we're here to make the best of it - wherever the chips may fall. We control what we can, and do our best to work with what we can't.

I like to imagine that's a lesson she's incorporated into herself in time, too - at least a little bit.

I'm not really going anywhere with all this, I'm just... Really feeling that melancholy right about now. It's hard for me to picture that her journey has ended; it's just the starting point of who she's going to be.

[pixelguzzler]

sometimes self care means giving your doppelganger sloppy.

[stopiwanttotalkaboutcheese]

actually i love the reveal that the only reason effie got involved with the hunger games at all was because her little sister needed her.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

sometimes nifty characters come from lousy media, but they still deserve a loving home! and that's where fanfic comes in