#[ behold the gremlin master ]

[darklcy]

𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

‣ eddie's session runs longer than you thought. bored, with nothing to do, you find his shirt.

‣ eddie munson x reader | stranger things masterlist | 823 words | fluff, established relationship, idiots in love ig

‣ i havent posted him in a while and i just got to rewatching s4, so naturally-

He’d been gone far too long already.

You tried not to complain, not having the desire to suck the life out of his soul for simply engaging in his passion. Dungeons and dragons served as an enigma in your brain, its complexity never failing to swirl your thoughts in knots each time you tried learning to play. If him being late was the only self punishment for not comprehending the rules of the game, then perhaps it was justifiable.

..It was just late. And you were beyond bored.

Boredom was a lazy explanation for the feeling you were experiencing at the moment, but for lack of better word, boredom will do. Body sprawled across his mattress, Gremlins displayed in the living room television down the hall, fingernails touched skin in a pattern, as if counting sheep represented itself through your fingers. The night sky stretched further along the hours as you waited for his campaign to finish, but with the way your eyelids drooped and head bobbed, you may not be around for his return.

Laying back on your spine, ceiling coming into view, you fought the upcoming dreams with all your might to avoid slumber, wanting to greet Eddie properly the moment he stepped inside. Chin lolling to the right, a signature club shirt curiously grabbed your eye, the red faced demon poking through the gaps of his drawer. 

Huh.

Somehow that pumped a vein full of awoken energy throughout your body. Sitting back up, you crawled over to the drawer and yanked the shirt from its clenches, freeing the fabric from its prison. The demon’s eyes met yours in a sneer, and sometimes you wonder if the corners of his mouth grew each time you stared at him. Discarding your own top, you replaced it with his, the remnants of smoke and faint cologne wafting in your nostrils.

Eddie smelled like home, a sanctuary, a safe place. A bit ironic, with fire comes reassurance, in your world, that is.

The garment was a bit loose on your figure, the ends reaching just below your hips. With the canvas of your legs exposed from lack of pajamas, his shirt became your blanket and lover all in one, a figment of the real thing. This will have to do until he returns. 

Cheek pressed to the comforter, Gremlins had just barely faded out into the credits when sleep found you, tucked away and hidden in the cotton of Hellfire.

“Baabe, I’m home.”

Brass met knob when Eddie unlocked it open, enjoying the warm heat of the trailer compared to the brisk November air outside. Campaign was good, as usual. Dungeon Master certainly had its perks, even if repeating senior year didn’t. The journey to his bedroom was swift, eager to finally end his day with you by his side, how it always should be. 

However he wasn’t at all, in the slightest bit, prepared to greet you adorning his beloved club shirt, soft skin of your thighs bare, asleep comfortably in his bed. His bed. Alone. With his shirt on. And boyshorts. Oh, wow. You were going to be the death of him.

It was as if he’d been transported to the Moma, viewing a delicate, historical self portrait of an acrylic artist from the 1700s. You were a sight to behold, and for him only. His feet almost sunk into the floorboards from the sheer weight his heart plummeted against his ribs. He’d just fallen in love  all over again. How do you do it so easily?

A gentle groan emitted in your throat as you shifted. What a sweet sound. You’re so sweet. 

Crouching down towards your face, his ringed knuckle gilded hair from your eyelashes, a smile on his face at the way you stirred from the action. When your eyes awoke to meet his, his lips only stretched wider.

“Mornin', sweetheart.”

Stretching out your arms, a yawn escaped you as a sleepy, “Oh, you’re home,” uttered out in a jumbled whisper. His full palm caressed your face now, occasionally smoothing down your hair while continuing to grin at your drowsiness. He couldn’t get enough.

“Yeah, Hellfire ran a lil late. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

You shook your head into his fingers. “No, you’re fine. I was just bored.”

A deep chuckle rumbled in his chest as he moved to sit beside you. His fingers transitioned from your cheek to the shirt on your skin, rings grazing the neckline and shoulder. Eddie had never seen anything like it, and he wore this exact thing every god damn week. 

“You look beautiful like this.”

It was as if complimenting a model, the way he spoke so carefully and tender. You gave him a look.

“..It’s comfy. I might steal it from you.”

He’d give you anything he wanted if you gave him the word. His lips captured yours in a trance, ending too quick for your liking. 

“You should. You wear it best.”

—

[devilrose]

Me: I'm drawing Naomi from Pokemon Masters; I would like to see some references of how the light interacts with a hat over the shoulders... What about... types into google images: "girl wearing hat"

Google images: Okay, here are a bunch of pictures of a girl with a baseball cap, a fedora, a...

Me: Ah, sorry, let me be more precise, I meant: "girl wearing big hat"

Google images: Ooh! A big hat, you say! Why! I surely can show you that! What about this one, it's an entire fuckin umbrella -- no, wait! A circus tent! Wait, wait, this is the biggest hat in the world, behold --

---

This is not the first time that Google images behaves like a gremlin to me. But I couldn't resist making a picture in which she is wearing one of the silly hats from the silly search.

[dimalink]

Treasure saga

Retro role-playing game about to walk in dungeons. With simple automatic level up. And a big part of storytelling, in a form of text screens between levels. Become a searcher for adventures. And collect all useful items as gold, sapphires, and all other valuable stuff from dungeons. And also receive lots of experience.

You are suggested to choose who will you be. Two classes at your choice. Warrior or magician. Warrior is good with sword. And magician is good with spells. Everyone will find lots of interesting for him in this dungeon. New spells and a new sword. It is very good to go for every adventurer.

Classes are playable equal way.

In dungeon you can find lots of treasures. Such as gold, sapphires. And, in some way, it is a game about scores. For all useful steps you are acquiring scores. Collect gold. You receive gold and scores. Destroy monster and gain scores. And aim in being in dungeon – as a rule for adventurer – it is gold and all other sapphires and gems. There are lots of them. So, walk by dungeon and collect all of them.

As soon as game field has a treasure. It will be automatically added to you in a counter of collected.

Also, a valuable part of the game – it is plot, story. Story is in a text screens. Text is made in fantasy direction. Here as ideas it was taken idea of fairytale fantasy, fantasy. It can be something like Dungeons and Dragons. Once again, games like Might And Magic, Eye of the Beholder, Bards Tale. Something like that. But all the story mainly goes to describe floors of dungeon. Every floor of the dungeon – it is just like a standalone world. With its own theme. And it is fantasy, by the way. Whole pages with text. Somewhere it is about two pages for a level. Somewhere it is page or one page of text. 10 floors of labyrinth. Plus introduction and game final. It is about even more text there.

Reading of fantasy text. About one more floor of the dungeon.

Tell me what do you prefer more

Sword or fireball?

You will have a meet with fantasy creatures. And another adventurers. It is about to fight with them. As a part of idea of a classical dungeon explore.

It is rat, big rat, zombie, evil gnome, gnome hunter, lord vampire, skeleton, ghost, dark lord, nosferatu, dead knight, mad eye, moon lord, gremlin, ogre master, Pegasus, rust warlord, giant viking, dragon, bird of prey.

4 types of useful items for search. They are gold, sapphires, crystals, gems.

And also, it is going score counter. For items you find and battles with monsters.

You are making updates though levels. You are upgrading your character with each new level dungeon. Floors of dungeons are full of useful items. And you are as a adventurer should be very interesting into it.

It is labyrinth made random way. Every labyrinth has exit. At every labyrinth you will find a new weapon. As for warrior, as for magician.

You will find a sword, axe of fire, energetical morning star, sword of barbarians kings, mythical claymore for undead.

You will gain powerful meteor, deadly spell, ice stone, tongue of fire, energy lighting.

Weapons and spells. All of these you are for sure will find in a floor of dungeon.

Basic Pascal pack - whole pack of games and programes, written with basic and pascal. It is retro. With each game and program there is a page at author`s website. There are aditional information, descriptions, pictures, arts.

Basic Pascal: http://www.dimalink.tv-games.ru/packs/basicpascal/index_eng.html

[sgcairo]

Hygiene is not a concept that clones understand at all, it's only Irnes throwing them in the tub and scrubbing the living daylights out of them while being bitten that stops them from being grimy, stinky little gremlins.

I imagined irnes equipped with a wash board and the clone bitting him while getting scrubbed down with the wash board... behold, the bitting ragdolls known as clones.

He drags them by the ear, one by one to get scrubbed down before hosing them off or something every month or so... he has a clipboard with the names and last time he washed them.

Pants sometimes helps him, though pants likes to tackle prime first, irnes watches in awe.

He washes them every week or so, twice if he can. It's a whole charade, as he has to chase down and neutralize terrified clones that hate being hosed off, not to mention wrangle them into the tub and get soap on them. They all give him the same miserable look while shaking like a puppy being washed for the first time, pathetic and soggy. Some of them bite, and Anastasiy is the only clone that will willingly bathe himself to this day, other than Sergei and Irnes. I refuse to believe that Giovanni or Alastair would willingly subject themselves to being scrubbed.

Irnes has become the master at washing hair and wrangling gremlins because of this, among his fleet of clone wrangling skills. I'm not exaggerating when I say the clones fall into disarray whenever he's not around for a while, there's things burning and evil grimy creatures everywhere. Irnes comes back from getting the milk to absolute anarchy, and the clones trying to declare themselves an independent country.

Yeah, washing paint and soot off the gremlins is... a task.

[my-weird-news]

😂 12 Hilarious Office Memes to Brighten Your Workday! 🤣

When Work Becomes a Circus 🎪 Isn't it just wild to think we could have a world where we're all sipping coconut water on a beach, but nooo, we're stuck juggling spreadsheets in this crazy work culture instead. 🏖️🥥 Work, my friends, can be a real beast. I mean, who needs an alarm clock when your boss's emails can give you heart palpitations? But hey, if you're ready for a chuckle between those conference calls, brace yourselves for these uproarious work memes! Time Warp: 7 Hours = 7 Minutes ⏰ Imagine, you stroll into your office, park your behind, and dive into the email abyss. Suddenly, it feels like you've aged a century, but in reality, it's just been seven minutes. 😱 That guy in the meme? His face is like a Picasso painting of a worker bee who's slaved for hours only to realize it's barely snack o'clock. Karen vs. The Manager: A Tale of Equine Wisdom 🐴 Ah, the Karen, that mystical creature that prowls in stores, demanding to see the manager. But guess what, horses have cracked the code! They've shown us the hoof-stomping truth: when Karen corners the manager, it's like ordering a pizza with extra karma—same response, different toppings. 🍕 If only we could neigh our way out of customer conundrums! Endless Meeting, Enter That Guy 🗣️ Ever been trapped in a meeting that felt like a never-ending accordion solo? Finally, you see the light at the end of the boring tunnel, until that guy pulls a verbal rabbit out of his hat, and suddenly time implodes. Now that's a disappearing act no one asked for. 🎩 Zen and the Art of Nature Vacuuming 🍃 Let's talk about the art of looking busy when the boss hovers by. This meme? It's a masterpiece! A woman vacuuming nature—because nothing says productivity like tidying up the great outdoors. I bet her resume says "Mother Earth's Personal Housekeeper." 🌍 Death's Grin and The Great Escape ☠️ Work blues got you wondering what life's all about? Well, this meme says death's a big upgrade, ‘cause you'll never need to face a spreadsheet again. The happy cadaver's smile says, "I’m free from meetings and memos!" 😄 Remember, folks, even death seems more appealing than Excel sometimes! When Work Multiplies Like Gremlins 🧟‍♂️ Picture this: you slog like a champ, only to discover your reward is more work. Surprise, it's the job version of getting a second pet gremlin that comes with zero instructions. 😩 Our man's hidden expression mirrors the reality of working, where hard work's treated like a buffet—everything's piled onto your plate. Faxes in a Time Machine 📠 Ever been asked to send a fax in the era of smartphones and AI? It's like asking a hamster to fix your car. But some folks still cling to their fax machines like they're the golden ticket to job security. This meme’s here to make us wonder, "Do these fax lovers also send carrier pigeons?" 🐦 The Couch Potato of Corporate Chaos 🍿 Behold, the dude chilling as the office combusts around him! This is the face of someone who warned everyone that a clown car couldn't fit through the door, but no one listened. Now all he can do is grab popcorn and watch the circus. 🤡 The Pun-slinging Office Hero 🦸‍♂️ Who doesn’t love a good pun? This guy’s a master of cheesy office banter. It's like a marathon of punchlines in a 3-second sprint. Bet he can turn any dull meeting into a stand-up show, complete with laughter sound effects. 🎤🎵 Friday's Freedom vs. Monday's Mess 🎉🧹 Friday's here, and you're mentally moonwalking out of the office. Papers fly like confetti; you're the mess-maker extraordinaire! But hold on a second—Monday isn't exactly your cleanup crew. You're the superhero that left the city in chaos, only to return as the janitor. 🦸‍♂️🧼 The Great Workplace Hypocrisy 🕰️ Ah, the workplace double standard, where staying late goes unnoticed, but sneezing five minutes late gets you the "Come to my office" death stare. This meme's the spotlight on that twisted reality, like catching your reflection in a funhouse mirror—it's amusingly warped. 🤪 So, there you have it, a world where work's a circus and the memes are your popcorn. Remember, even when life hands you spreadsheets, you can always turn them into comic strips! 🎪🍿🤹‍♀️# When Work Becomes a Circus 🎪 Isn't it just wild to think we could have a world where we're all sipping coconut water on a beach, but nooo, we're stuck juggling spreadsheets in this crazy work culture instead. 🏖️🥥 Work, my friends, can be a real beast. I mean, who needs an alarm clock when your boss's emails can give you heart palpitations? But hey, if you're ready for a chuckle between those conference calls, brace yourselves for these uproarious work memes! Time Warp: 7 Hours = 7 Minutes ⏰ Imagine, you stroll into your office, park your behind, and dive into the email abyss. Suddenly, it feels like you've aged a century, but in reality, it's just been seven minutes. 😱 That guy in the meme? His face is like a Picasso painting of a worker bee who's slaved for hours only to realize it's barely snack o'clock. Karen vs. The Manager: A Tale of Equine Wisdom 🐴 Ah, the Karen, that mystical creature that prowls in stores, demanding to see the manager. But guess what, horses have cracked the code! They've shown us the hoof-stomping truth: when Karen corners the manager, it's like ordering a pizza with extra karma—same response, different toppings. 🍕 If only we could neigh our way out of customer conundrums! Endless Meeting, Enter That Guy 🗣️ Ever been trapped in a meeting that felt like a never-ending accordion solo? Finally, you see the light at the end of the boring tunnel, until that guy pulls a verbal rabbit out of his hat, and suddenly time implodes. Now that's a disappearing act no one asked for. 🎩 Zen and the Art of Nature Vacuuming 🍃 Let's talk about the art of looking busy when the boss hovers by. This meme? It's a masterpiece! A woman vacuuming nature—because nothing says productivity like tidying up the great outdoors. I bet her resume says "Mother Earth's Personal Housekeeper." 🌍 Death's Grin and The Great Escape ☠️ Work blues got you wondering what life's all about? Well, this meme says death's a big upgrade, ‘cause you'll never need to face a spreadsheet again. The happy cadaver's smile says, "I’m free from meetings and memos!" 😄 Remember, folks, even death seems more appealing than Excel sometimes! When Work Multiplies Like Gremlins 🧟‍♂️ Picture this: you slog like a champ, only to discover your reward is more work. Surprise, it's the job version of getting a second pet gremlin that comes with zero instructions. 😩 Our man's hidden expression mirrors the reality of working, where hard work's treated like a buffet—everything's piled onto your plate. Faxes in a Time Machine 📠 Ever been asked to send a fax in the era of smartphones and AI? It's like asking a hamster to fix your car. But some folks still cling to their fax machines like they're the golden ticket to job security. This meme’s here to make us wonder, "Do these fax lovers also send carrier pigeons?" 🐦 The Couch Potato of Corporate Chaos 🍿 Behold, the dude chilling as the office combusts around him! This is the face of someone who warned everyone that a clown car couldn't fit through the door, but no one listened. Now all he can do is grab popcorn and watch the circus. 🤡 The Pun-slinging Office Hero 🦸‍♂️ Who doesn’t love a good pun? This guy’s a master of cheesy office banter. It's like a marathon of punchlines in a 3-second sprint. Bet he can turn any dull meeting into a stand-up show, complete with laughter sound effects. 🎤🎵 Friday's Freedom vs. Monday's Mess 🎉🧹 Friday's here, and you're mentally moonwalking out of the office. Papers fly like confetti; you're the mess-maker extraordinaire! But hold on a second—Monday isn't exactly your cleanup crew. You're the superhero that left the city in chaos, only to return as the janitor. 🦸‍♂️🧼 The Great Workplace Hypocrisy 🕰️ Ah, the workplace double standard, where staying late goes unnoticed, but sneezing five minutes late gets you the "Come to my office" death stare. This meme's the spotlight on that twisted reality, like catching your reflection in a funhouse mirror—it's amusingly warped. 🤪 So, there you have it, a world where work's a circus and the memes are your popcorn. Remember, even when life hands you spreadsheets, you can always turn them into comic strips! 🎪🍿🤹‍♀️ Read the full article

[myth-lord]

D&D Monster Madness

Aboleth Abyssal Maw Ahuizotl Air Elemental - Ragewind (Caller in Darkness / Voidwraith) Almiraj Ankheg - Kruthik ANT - Abyss Ant ARCHON - Lantern Archon - Hound Archon Arrowhawk - Steelwing Aurumvorax Axe Beak - Achaierai

Babau Balor Banderhobb Barlgura - Girallon (Yeti) Basidirond Basilisk - Dracolisk BEETLE - Water Beetle - Fire Beetle (Bombardier) - Siege Beetle Behir Beholder Belker - Phiuhl Black Dragon - Shadow Dragon Bladeling Blindheim Blink Dog - Cooshee Bloodthorn Blue Dragon Bodak Boneyard Brown Dragon Bulette Bullywug - Grung - Hezrou (Pod Demon)

Carbuncle Carrion Crawler - Ulgurstasta Catoblepas Cave Fisher - Avalancher Cave Moray Centaur - Armanite CENTIPEDE - Adaru - Remorhaz Chasme Chathrang Chimera Choker - Skulk Chuul Cloaker Clockroach (Clockwork Horror) Cloud Giant - Fog Giant Cockatrice - Pyrolisk Copper Dragon Coral Golem Couatl Crawling Claw Crimson Death Crysmal Crystal Dragon Crystal Ooze Cyclops

DARK TREE - Hangman Tree - Quickwood - Orcwort Darktentacles Deadly Dancer Death Knight Deepspawn Destrachan Deva - Erinyes DIRE BEAST - Dire Rat (Osquip) - Dire Bat (Mobat) - Dire Boar (Fhorge) Displacer Beast - Phane Doppelganger - Maurezhi Dragon Turtle DRAKE - Water Drake (Dimetrodon) - Fire Drake (Zezir) - Air Drake (Wyvern) - Earth Drake (Rock Reptile) Drow - Drider Dryad - Splinterwaif Duergar - Derro - Automaton Dunkleosteus Dust Digger - Silt Horror

Earth Elemental - Tomb Mote Eblis Eidolon Ethereal Defiler Ethereal Dreadnought Ethereal Filcher Ethereal Slayer Ethereal Stalker Ettercap - Vermin Lord Ettin

Faerie Dragon Fetch Feyr Fire Bat Fire Elemental - Fire Effigy Fire Giant Flesh Golem - Rotripper Fomorian - Plague Spewer - Eldritch Giant Froghemoth Frost Giant

Galeb Duhr Gargoyle Gas Spore - Ascomoid Gelatinous Cube Gelugon GENIE - Dao - Djinn - Efreet - Marid Ghaunadan GHOST - Poltergeist - Allip (Wraith) - Banshee Ghoul - Ghast (Witherstench) - Berbalang - Devourer Giant Dragonfly Gibbering Mouther - Argos Glabrezu Gloomwing Gnoll - Witherling - Marrashi - Flind Goblin - Nilbog - Spriggan - Gremlin (Quarrak) Gold Dragon Gorgon Gravorg Gray Render - Cadaver Collector Green Dragon Green Slime - Arcane Ooze - Alkilith Greenvise Grey Dragon Griffon

Hadozee HAG - Bog Hag - Bheur Hag - Night Hag Hamatula Harpy - Siren Hatori Hell Hound - Yeth Hound - Canoloth Hippocampus Hook Horror Hullathoin Hydra

Id Fiend Imp - Mephit - Quasit Intellect Devourer - Cerebrilith (Brain Collector) - Grell Iron Golem - Adamantine Golem - Juggernaut

Kelpie Kenku Kirin (Celestial Stag) Korred Krenshar - Carcass Eater Kyton

Lamia Lemure - Rutterkin Leprechaun Leucrotta Lich - Demilich - Skull Lord Lillend LIZARDFOLK - Drakkoth - Kobold - Pterrax - Salamander - Troglodyte LYCANTHROPE - Werebear (Firbolg) - Werefox (Kitsune) - Wereshark

Magmin - Magma Hurler Manticore - Jarilith Marilith - Spell Weaver Medusa Merman - Merrow Merregon - Barbazu Mimic - Trapper Mind Flayer - Ulitharid Minotaur - Goristro Mohrg Morkoth Mudman Mummy - Grisgol - Skirr Myconid - Phycomid

NAGA - Dark Naga - Water Naga Nereid Nightmare Nightwalker (Death Giant) Nothic - Shardsoul Slayer (Phthisic) Nuckelavee

Obliviax (Puppeteer) Oni Orc - Tulgar Osyluth Otyugh Owlbear

Paeliryon Peryton Phoenix Piercer - Roper POSSESSED OBJECT - Book of Vile Darkness - Carrionette (Soul Puppet) - Helmed Horror - Slithering Hoard - Trap Haunt - Xaver (Deathdrinker) PUDDING - Black Pudding - White Pudding Purple Dragon Purple Worm - Fiendwurm - Neothelid

Quickling

Rakshasa Ravid Red Dragon - Hellfire Wyrm Redcap Roc Rot Grubs Rust Monster

Sahuagin - Skulvyn Sandman - Skriaxit Satyr - Bulezau Scarecrow SCORPION - Hellstinger Shadow Demon Shadow Mastiff Shambling Mound - Tendriculos Shardmind Shocker Sibriex Silver Dragon - Mercury Dragon Simpathetic Skin Kite Solamith (Soul Eater) SNAIL - Balhannoth - Flail Snail - Metalmaster Solar   - Angel of Decay Sphinx SPIDER - Phase Spider (Wraith Spider) - Aranea (Tomb Spider) - Darkweaver - Bebilith Sprite Steel Predator Stirge Stone Giant Su-Monster Succubus (Incubus) Swordwing

Tlincalli Treant - Saguaro Sentinel Troll

Umber Hulk Unicorn - Dusk Unicorn Uridezu

Vampire - Varrangoin Vargouille Vrock

WASP - Hellwasp Swarm - Quanlos (Advespa) Wastrilith Water Elemental - Caller from the Deeps Web Golem Wendigo White Dragon Wight - Boneclaw Will o Wisp - Trilloch Winter Wolf

Yellow Dragon (Sunwyrm) Yellow Musk Creeper - Twilight Bloom (corpse flower) Yrthak Yuan-Ti - Abomination

Zombie - Drowned - Dustblight - Entombed Zorbo

UNIQUE Demogorgon Juiblex Tiamat Bahamut Lolth Cryonax Imix Ogremoch Olhydra Yan-C-Bin Pazuzu Kraken Tarrasque Leviathan Eye Tyrant Elder Brain Zuggtmoy

UNDEAD: Shadow / Adherer / Coffer Corpse / Crypt Thing / Huecuva / Necrophidius / Penanggalan / Revenant / Death Slaad / Son of Kyuss / Blazing Bones / Flameskull / Sinister / Skuz / Dracolich / Nightwing / Nightcrawler / Gravecrawler / Charnel Hound / Vitreous Drinker / Atropal / Spectre / Skeleton / Giant Skeleton / Entropic Reaper / Famine Spirit / Wraith / Deadborn / Vampiric Mist /

FIEND: Nalfeshnee / Cornugon / Pit Fiend / Larva / Amnizu / Hellcat / Mezzoloth / Nycaloth / Arcanoloth / Charonaloth / Dergholoth / Hydroloth / Oinoloth / Piscoloth / Ultroloth / Yagnoloth / Demodand / Cambion / Abishai / Spinagon / Yochlol / Molydeus / Nightmare Beast / Wastrel / Jovoc / Zovvut / Advespa / Durzagon / Arrow Demon / Sorrowsworn / Deathdrinker / Whisper Demon / Evistro / Draudnu / Remmanon / Blood Fiend / Echinoloth / Dybbuk / Nabassu / Braxat / Death Dog / Howler / Soul Eater / Tanarukk / Skybleeder / Incubus / Barghest /

ABERRATION: Eyewing / Eye of the Deep / Giant Leech / Lurker Above / Giant Octopus / Giant Jellyfish / Giant Slug / Thought Eater / Xorn / Flumph / Thoqqua / Volt / Xill / Land Urchin / Burbur / Giant Sea Anemone / Giant Clam / Giant Sunstar / Fachan / Neogi / Giant Squid / Decapus / Darkmantle / Delver / Ethereal Marauder / Frost Worm / Grick / Avolakia / Odopi / Rot Reaver / Gorbel / Spectator / Slaad / Digester / Meenlock / Chaos Beast / Balhannoth / Masher / Vodyanoi / Uchuulon / Dharculus / Brain Collector /

HUMANOID: Hill Giant / Halfling / Hobgoblin / Weretiger / Yeti / Aarakocra / Babbler / Dark Creeper / Dark Stalker / Dire Corby / Dune Stalker / Mountain Giant / Gibberling / Grimlock / Meazel / Norker / Quaggoth / Formian / Verbeeg / Selkie / Thri-Kreen / Wemic / Dragonkin / Asabi / Werebat / Athach / Abeil / Death Giant / Lumi / Phoelarch / Storm Giant / Nightshade / Gith / Flind / Bugbear / Wereboar / Wererat / Werewolf / Ogre / Tabaxi / Skindancer / Pit Master / Shadar-Kai / Lizardman / Triton / Kuo-Toa / Nagpa /

OOZE: Ochre Jelly / Slithering Tracker / Stunjelly / Aballin / Flareater / Phasm / Bone Ooze / Flesh Jelly / Teratomorph / Conflagration Ooze / Corrupture / Graveyard Sludge / Brown Pudding / Gray Ooze /

BEAST: Ankylosaurus / Brachiosaurus / Ceratosaurus / Elasmosaurus / Mosasaurus / Pteranodon / Stegosaurus / Triceratops / Tyrannosaurus / Giant Eagle / Giant Eel / Giant Frog / Giant Gar / Giant Lamprey / Subterrean Lizard / Mammoth / Giant Otter / Giant Owl / Giant Sea Horse / Sea Serpent / Giant Constrictor / Giant Cobra / Giant Snapping Turtle / Giant Weasel / Giant Wolverine / Blood Hawk / Bonesnapper / Jaculi / Quipper / Rothe / Behemoth Hippo / Boobrie / Giant Catfish / Compsognathus / Deinonychus / Dimetrodon / Struthiomimus / Tanystropheus / Giant Raven / Verme / Megatherium / Cloud Ray / Quetzalcoatlus / Spinosaurus / Gambol / Moonrat / Guulvorg / Amphisbaena / Dire Bear / Dire Crocodile / Dire Elephant / Dire Shark / Dire Rhinoceros / Dire Stag / Dire Tiger / Dire Wolf / Worg / Muckdweller / Brain Mole / Ixitxachitl / Jackalwere / Pegasus / Sea Lion / Androsphinx / Hieracosphinx / Ice Toad / Bunyip / Disenchanter / Fire Snake / Kamadan / Mantari / Nonafel / Afanc / Baku / Boalisk / Kech / Ascallion / Frost Salamander / Kirre / Dragon Eel / Tojanida / Mudmaw / Rejkar / Zezir / Lodestone Marauder / Rylkar / Julajimus / Sand Hunter / Cranium Rat / Witherstench /

PLANT: Shrieker / Whipweed / Kampfult / Mandragora / Giant Sundew / Vegepygmy / Wolf-In-Sheeps-Clothing / Death’s Head Tree / Thorny / Phantom Fungus / Twig Blight / Dread Blossom Swarm / Night Twist / Burrow Root / Assassin Vine / Bloodsipper / Burnflower / Vine Horror / Tri-Flower Frond / Violet Fungus / Wood Woad / Battlebriar /

FEY: Brownie / Nixie / Nymph / Sylph / Atomie / Boggle / Green Hag / Grig / Hybsil / Frost Fairy / Lhiannan Shee / Ragewalker / Lunar Ravager / Banshrae / Frostwind Virago / Wild Hunt / Eladrin / Grimalkin / Sea Hag / Annis Hag / Kercpa / Skiurid / Pixie / Pech /

CONSTRUCT: Homonculus / Caryatid Column / Iron Cobra / Margoyle / Mongrel / Magic Golem / Bone Golem / Glass Golem / Shield Guardian / Hangman Golem / Merchurion / Clay Golem / Clockwork Horror / Dwarf Ancestor / Stone Golem / Emerald Golem / Retriever / Hellfire Engine /

DRAGON: Bronze Dragon / Dragonne / Pseudo-Dragon / Cloud Dragon / Mist Dragon / Linnorm / Gorynych / Tether Beast / Styx Dragon / Ambush Drake / Guardian Naga / Spirit Naga /

ELEMENTAL: Invisible Stalker / Water Weird / Azer / Mihstu / Ice Elemental / Lightning Elemental / Time Elemental / Energon / Earth Weird / Nishruu / Nyth / Orglash / Immoth / Tempest / Blackball / Breathdrinker / Chraal / Gulgar / Zaratan / Chaos Shard / Kapoacinth / Visilight /

VERMIN: Rhinoceros Beetle / Water Spider / Assassin Bug / Ant Lion / Death Watch Beetle / Slicer Beetle / Megapede / Giant Solifugid / Tenebrous Worm / Fyrefly / Bonespear / Sword Spider / Spider Eater / Spellgaunt / Brood Keeper / Chelicera / Harpoon Spider / Tomb Spider / Boring Beetle / Giant Ant / Giant Crab / Bristle Spider / Death Jumper / Snow Tarantula / Giant Tick / Bloodsilk Spider / Heart Tick / Carcass Crab / Giant Centipede / Giant Mantis / Giant Scorpion / Giant Spider / Wraith Spider / Giant Wasp /

CELESTIAL: Lammasu / Titan / Planetar / Swanmay / Trumpet Archon /

[twstwonderlandstuff]

at each other's throats

a short fic about valie and sebek screaming their throats off. sort of. silver is just. there. it's supposed to be cute but chaos dominates so yeah

also just valie being stupid I guess

i want her to say 'GOOD ARGUMENT, BUT UR RATIO'D AND I'M CUTE- well no not really you're cuter that me oh GOD DAMN IT'

sebek: we're fighting IRL what in thorn witches' name or you ON ABOUT, also I am NOT CUTE WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO W/ ANYTHING?!?!?!?!?

also she's cross dressing sooooo people will refer to valie by he/him pronouns but i'm describing valie w/ she/her pronouns yeah

“Silver-senpai!”

“Oof.”

The wind was knocked out of Silver’s lungs as he was tackled by Valie, Grim asleep on top of her head.

(It’s a miracle he hasn’t slipped off.)

“Sup~” Valie greeted, lifting his hand and pressing a quick greeting kiss against it. “Where’d ya headed?”

“Um,” Silver, unused to the affection, simply blinks back at the question. Valie, quickly realizing her mistake, rambles.

“Wait, wait, FUCK, uh, that’s like, a normal greeting back home, um-” She steps away from him, quickly bowing with regret. “Super sorry man, I just got used to it!”

“It’s… fine. Don’t do it again so suddenly.” The knight replies demurely, Valie nodding with relief.

“I gotchu! But, uh, you never did answer my q, you know.” She tilts her head. “Where’d ya headed?”

“Equestrian club.” Silver points towards the door. “Would you like to come?”

“Sure! Wait, let me ask my beloved gremlin first.” Clearing her throat, she brings Grim down from her head, pressing her face against his head. “Grim, my scrunkly grimly wimply?”

“Gross…” Grim fake puked, opening his sleepy eyes. “What?”

“Wanna go to the Equestrian club? We’ve got some time and nothing to do. Also I’m never going to see another horse so close and personal in my life, so! Are you down?”

“Sure.” Grim gives his grumbles of approval. “Let your master sleep, henchman…”

Valie laughs, placing him back on her head as she gives Silver a thumbs up. “Sure, sure, grimmy boy.”

“Let's go!” With mandatory finger guns, they’re off!

***

“Silver, you’re here- Valencia?” Riddle paused, a little surprised.

“Hey, hey, Riddle-senpai!” She grins widely. “ ‘m here to look at some horses! Also watch y’all but we ain’t gonna speak about that~!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Nothin’. Anyways,” she playfully pats Silver’s backs. “I’mma watch y’all from the-”

���HUMAN!”

“Here comes Sebek.” Silver sighs, but not even a second later his eardrums are blown away by a similar volume.

“HALFLING!” Comes the reply, scaring the living hell out of Grim.

“Henchman, shut UP!” Grim screeches, scratching her face. A pained cry leaves Valie as she covers her face with her arms. Seconds later, Sebek joins them, laughing at Valie’s pained state.

“You SHUT your DAMN mouth, halfling-” She grouses, close to flipping him off. “This is your fault–”

“And HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?!”

“How about your FACKING VOICE BRO–”

“MY VOICE?!”

“YOU BOTH SHADDUP, I’m trying to sleep!”

Silver is left standing on the sidelines, both in shock, awe and horror as they head into a shouting match.

“It happens every so often.” Riddle sighs, joining the silver haired knight by his side. “I don’t know how they do it.”

“Well, at least Sebek has someone to yell with now.”

Riddle laughs slightly. “Get him off your back a little?’

“Yeah. Get him off my case for a bit.”

*

“And that, father, is what happened.” Silver put down his cup, amused at his own tale. “I didn’t expect the prefect to be so… explosive.”

“Explosive indeed. You should’ve seen the arguments the two made last week.” Lilia giggled. “It was a sight to behold.”

“T…this has happened before?”

“You’ve missed a lot, my boy. This battle of theirs has been going on for about 3 weeks. I don’t know how either of them manages to keep their voices.” As Lilia finishes his sentence, a flurry of screams can be heard downstairs, followed by a pinnacle of silence, then more rowdy shouting. “See? Happens all the time.”

[pitool]

"YoU'Ve GoT Visitooors!"

This has been posted elsewhere already but anyways. Behold, the young arson gremlin sorceress. Master of plot armour (this is not true) and starter of fires. Another D&D character of mine whom I played in another friend's campaign as the resident scary kid.

[marlenawatches]

It's Official

I am legitimately ANGRY at James Corden. I've tried to sweep his offenses under the rug, to cut him some slack for the sake of his early career as a competent actor and comedian, but I can't anymore. The last thing I remember watching, that James Corden was a part of, that I actually ENJOYED, was Into the Woods. Which came out about eight years ago, I think? So, better part of a decade.

Peter Rabbit. James EVISCERATED Beatrix Potter's work. Gutted and drained. Entrails everywhere. And he liked the carnage so much he jumped into a SEQUEL. Sacrilege.

There's also whatever the fuck that Emoji movie was supposed to be. All of my WTF.

Cats. Oh holy fuck, Cats. 'Nuff said.

And now! Now what has he given us? Yet another Cinderella movie! Yay! Only, no, not yay, because it is BREATHTAKINGLY BAD. He was the driving force behind it, a PRODUCER of this train-wreck, and that sick little gremlin dragged Minnie Driver, Missy Elliot, Pierce Brosnan, and Billy Porter into this unholy mess! Pray Tell from Pose! Behold Chablis, from American Horror Story!

I am neither surprised nor offended by Idina Menzel's participation; this is exactly her sort of thing; she walked into this with her eyes wide open and she gets what she gets, but the REST of this poor cast...just...FUCK I feel bad for this cast. This movie is stilted, awkward, faux feminist and narratively nonsensical. Also, the music sucks a rancid bag of dicks.

Yeah I'm actually pretty far past angry at James fucking Corden. I am livid. I don't know if Satan's just having a laugh, or if James is feeding his lord and master the pre-masticated souls of disappointed former fans. I don't know just what the fuck is going on, but I'm done with that ruiner of all things.

Fuck you, James Corden.

[tsukikoayanosuke]

Twisted Wonderland x Ocarina of Time AU (sort of)

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the only Zelda game that I've played, so why not make an AU of it.

Behold, this horrible AU

"Legend of Vil: Baton of Time"...? 

I suck at title forgive me

'Human' Timeline:

The story starts with Yuu, a human child among the beastmen in Savanaclaw Forest. They don't know that they are a human, instead, take their lack of animal trait as a late bloomer.

Leona is Yuu's caretaker and protector. He's still lazy as ever, but willing to give up his nap for Yuu.

When the time has come for Yuu to leave the forest with the Earth Emerald in his hand, Leona gave them a conductor baton, saying that it was blessed by the forest spirits themselves. When you wave the baton, the world will play music for you

Exiting the Savanaclaw Forest, the duo arrived at the Night Raven Field. Across the field, is Pomefiore Castle Town.

Enter Prince Vil Schoenheit who was called the 'Prince of Destiny' for his visions of the future.

He has some suspicion with the little gremlin named Grim, who is suspiciously similar to the Great Beast he sees in his visions. He believes that Grim might be looking for the Wishing Star, a holy relic that gives its holder godlike power, hidden in the Wonderland Realm

Vil sends Yuu on the quest to collect the other two gems to open the Wonderland Realm, the 'Sky Ruby', guarded by the fae of Diasomnia Mountain, and the 'Sea Saphire', guarded by the mermaids of Octavinelle Domain.

At the foot of Diasomnia Mountain, there's a small village called Heartslabyul Village. Vil's attendant, Riddle Rosehearts, is the son of the town mayor.

The leader of the fae is Malleus Draconia who surprisingly warms up to Yuu rather quickly

Meanwhile, Octainelle Domain's rulers are a set of twins, Jade and Floyd Leech.

Their manservant is Azul Ashengrotto who is, unfortunately, being swallowed by a giant whale.

Once Yuu gets all the gems, they return to Pomefiore Castle Town, only to witness Vil and Riddle running away from Grim who is chasing them.

Vil throws the Fairy Wand, a mythical conductor baton that can open the Wonderland Realm, to Yuu

With the baton and gems, Yuu goes to the Ignihyde Temple and opens the door to Wonderland Realm.

There they find the Keyblade, a magic key-like sword, but as he pulls it from its pedestal, Grim, having snuck into the Temple after Yuu, appears and claims the Wishing Star.

Cast:

Yuu is Link

The first year are Navi. Starting with Jack, then Ace & Deuce, and lastly Sebek. Epel (and possibly Ortho) will join in the 'Magician' timeline

Leona is Saria, but more as a protector/caretaker/big brother figure rather than friends

Ruggie is Mido, but he's the one teaching the song instead of Leona

I guess Rafiki's tree is the Great Deku Tree...?

Vil is Zelda

Riddle is Impa

Ace and Deuce can be count as Marin

Malleus is Darunia

I have no idea who is the Dodongo King...

Floyd and Jade are the Zora King

Azul is Ruto

Monstro the Whale is Lord Jabu-Jabu...?

Grim is Ganondorf

Idia is Rauru

Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother’s wand as the Ocarina of Time

Sora’s Kingdom Key Keyblade as the Master Sword

Che’nya is the windmill guy chengemymind

[okaythen]

Chirps playfully.

Hello my dearest doves, the earth says hello!

I come bringing not one, but two ref sheets for the kingdom hearts au I'm making(IM SO SORRY I ALREADY FORGOT THAT USERS NAME BUT STILL THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING ME).

Anyways, behold:

Technoblade: one of master Philzas apprentices.

Chat is still presented via the voices lore, however: in this au, they are an overbearing force of darkness that often overcomes his mind.

Philza is actively working to help Techno get through this and often pulls him out of training with Wilbur for a one on one evaluation.

Techno's keyblade is named Bloodletter.

Wilbur, Philza's second apprentice.

Ghostbur is still a thing in this au as nobodies exist. I feel like this could be a major driving point for a plot as well: because, for the au, while it will reference the canon dream smp; it's going to be more in line with kingdom hearts as a whole.

Wilburs keyblade is named Loose Fuse.

I love you my dovelies and I Hope you enjoy. You gremlins bring life to my day!

(Additional note: Dreams keyblade is named Angel's Promise and Philza's is named Death Wish).

[tragoidias]

@auricimperious | liked for a starter !

The polite thing would have been to say thank you to the one who had so kindly rid of the rogue ai. And yet any intentions of doing so were proved to be nonexsistent when bronze eyes met a familiar figure. One she had been all but positive that had left the moment peace return to SE.RA.PH.  But here in all his gold glory the King of Heroes stood.

A genuine look of surprise finds a place upon her expression and last for but a mere moment. A blink, a lone flutter of her lashes and that emotion was gone, the glitch’s face returning to that of a deadpan. Scrutiny began to set in once more.

It was rather suspicious. For him to be here was more than just a little suspicious given he viewed her as nothing but entertainment and this body could not say she was pleased with the development.

What reason would he have to saving her? Heck how did he even manage to track her down? Hakuno had come across a fair number of servants that had lent her momentary aid during her travels through the expanse of the new grounds within the Moon Cell but as of late she hadn’t been to anything that resembled civilization like Nero’s domain in who knows how long.

      “So you found out I’m alive, huh...” She had no reason to not to question him. In fact her instincts urged her on to do so, nevermind thanking him. “How long have you been following me Goldie?”

[hogwarts-is-my-wonderland]

31 Days of Winter Challenge

December 9th: “I mean, I knew you had Christmas spirit, but this is ridiculous.”

Wren Murphy and the (Tenth) Doctor │Murphy’s Law

Wren could barely believe it when the Doctor told her Christmas Eve was in three days. Time was relative in the TARDIS; hours faded into days and days into weeks. It was a surprise that a year had yet to go by though, and it was harder to admit that, technically speaking, it had been years for her and only one for Martha and the Doctor.

She toyed with the phone in her hands, thumb hovering over Martha’s name. To call or to not call? Who knew how long had passed since the last time they saw each other. As much as she hated agreeing with the Doctor, it wasn’t always his fault when times went non-linear. The TARDIS, in all her infinite knowledge, was the one to choose the when and where of events. And truly, Wren wasn’t up to another shouting match with the time machine.

Sighing, she pocketed the phone, pointedly ignoring the clanging of her gauntlet against it. Her early Christmas present, she thought with mild disdain.

The hallways were dimly lit when she left her room. No sound other than the barely-there hum of the TARDIS filled the space. She could remember Martha’s words when the young doctor had officially joined their crew of two: “But hear me out. If you listen—truly listen—it sounds almost like singing.”

A singing TARDIS. The Master had said the same. Jack confessed it was the only clue he’d had to find the Doctor. But when Wren tried to focus, all she got was the sensation that someone had poured water in her ears. 

They weren’t wrong though. Sometimes, when she was sleeping, she thought she could hear the song too. A melody that was meant for her and only her.

The silence was soon replaced by the echo of Elvis Presley’s low baritone. The nearer she got to the console room the more his voice took form. The lyrics of Here Comes Santa Claus blared at full capacity from the ceiling. The time rotor, she noted, was lit up like a Christmas tree, sparks blowing from underneath. A mop of hair moved back and forth—the Doctor bobbing to the King of Rock’s rhythm. 

Wren peered down at the grate. The Doctor had lost his overcoat and jacket and had rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, revealing that, for once, he’d opted to wear protective gloves. They matched the goggles over his eyes.

He was humming. Separate words sprung forth from his lips at odd intervals. If Wren weren’t a fan of Elvis, she would’ve chalked it up to the madness that was him. 

“Watcha doing?” she asked, crouching.

The blowtorch he was holding went out. Somehow, something clanged below him. 

“What?” he shouted. 

“What. Are. You. Doing?” she yelled—then shot upward and pushed the button under the monitor. 

The song was cut short.

“What are you doing?” she asked again, with all the impatience she could muster. It wasn’t that much but she liked seeing him flounder. When he opened his mouth, she added, “And don’t give me the long version, my migraine won’t stand it.”

His teeth clicked into a pout. “Well, if it isn’t Miss Scrooge. I thought the nap was supposed to take care of that.”

She rubbed her eyes, avoiding the bags underneath. 

“I wasn’t in the mood,” she said shortly. “Please tell me it isn’t going to get us blown.”

“Well…” He jumped to her level, shutting the grate close with his foot. He took off the gloves but left the goggles “It won’t if we don’t collide with Asteroid Five anytime soon.” Then he grinned. “Here!”

He seized her hand, pulling her away from the console and toward the lower level close to the wall, going around the main jumpseat—then stopped short, muttering, “No, no, no, the other way,” and hauled her back to the doorway leading to the rest of the TARDIS.

“Doctor,” she sighed.

“Shh! Don’t say anything.” He put his hands on her shoulders and swayed her gently from side to side, his forehead scrunching up in thought as he considered her. “A little bit to the left… there! Now put on these.”

He shoved into her hands a different pair of goggles, prettier than his and thankfully not grimy. 

She didn’t put them on right away. “Why?” At his raised eyebrows, she relented.

“I was thinking—Wren hasn’t seen a Tandalorian Christmas tree, and odds are she’ll never do because Tandalor still hasn’t given up the idea of starting civil wars for every unsolved transgression—so I decided to build you one!” 

Then he jumped to her side with his hands in his pockets, his wide grin proud.

“A Tandalorian tree,” she repeated flatly. “And where is it?”

“Well,” he stretched the word, “I had to improvise a little.”

“Is that why we are standing on the other side of the room? In case it explodes?”

He bobbed his head. “Pretty much, yeah. That, and I don’t want to burn this suit. The new one still hasn’t arrived at the shop.” The Doctor turned to her. Soon a scowl marred his features. “Oh, come on, Wren—I promise nothing will go boom.” 

Wren hated it that he could read her so well. 

“Tick, tock, tick tock,” he muttered. “Better make up your mind before we pick up that little gremlin of yours.”

“Keep speaking like that and she will eat after midnight to spite you.” Wren’s mouth formed a tight line. “Fine. Let’s see the fake Tandalorian tree.”

“Brilliant! Hands to the sides. Goggles in place. And if your eyes sting, close them.”

Before Wren could argue—because what did he mean they would sting, that wasn’t normal at all—the Doctor raised his hand, revealing a tiny remote. 

“Behold!”

He pressed the button.

The lights in the TARDIS went out.

There was a beat while both tried to get their bearings.

“This isn’t supposed to happen, is it?” Wren said. 

“Not at all,” the Doctor agreed.

She was going to strangle him. 

“I’m going.”

“Wren—”

“Doctor, I’m really tired. I haven’t slept well in days. And I get this is your way of cheering me up, but—I mean, I knew you had a Christmas spirit but this is ridiculous.” She tried to find him but it was impossible in the darkness. “I’m sorry.”

Wren made to leave—but his hand pulled her back to his side. 

“Doctor…”

He gently led her to the console and Wren realized it wasn’t truly dark. Upon spotting the trail of gold dust leading to the time rotor, she took off the goggles. When they stood in front of it, she saw the Doctor had pulled off his own too; underneath the soot, he looked as grim as the day the Master became Prime Minister. 

The time rotor cast a certainly intimate glow. Blue and golden light sparkled all over it like constellations, and these reflected on their skin brilliantly, as if they were made of stars. Wren was so busy admiring its effect on the Doctor that she jumped when he spoke. 

“The first time you saw Tandalor, you wept. I thought I’d overlooked something, hurt you in some way—but no. You cried because you found it beautiful and it moved you. You liked the Christmas trees the most: couldn’t stop babbling about them all the way back. And now you don’t remember.”

Wren’s chest tightened. 

Another moment lost. Of course, the Doctor would want to jog her memories with what sounded like the most extraordinary experience—but it wasn’t enough. 

His eyes glistened. “I’m sorry, Wren. I’m so sorry.” 

“We could go back,” Wren suggested. 

He shook his head in grim amusement. “Won’t be the same.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” she whispered, tightening her grip in his hand. He leaned back slightly as if surprised by her touch—even when he’d been the one to start the hand-holding. “Let’s make something new. Something that neither of us will ever forget.”

The Doctor peered at her face closely. She didn’t know what he saw but it made him relax. The smile returned to his face. 

[omnifalls-10]

Omni Falls Chapter 3: Headhunters

It’s been rather quiet at the Mystery Shack today. That doesn’t seem much of a problem  for Dipper and Mabel, who were in the living room watching a show on television called Duck-tective. While watching the television program, Mabel knits a new sweater and Dipper eats popcorn from a bowl. She reaches for some popcorn, only for him to slap her hand away.

“I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir.”, the constable taunts, with a condescending smile on his face.  “My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident.”

“An accident, constable?”, Duck-tective quacks, his webbed feet paddling across the crime scene. “Or is it...Murder?”

“What?!”, the constable yells as the logo of the titular character comes on the screen as the commercials starts. 

“That duck is a genius!”, Mabel gasps as she drops her sweater.

“Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground.”, Dipper shrugs.

Mabel puts her hand on her hip, skeptical. “Dipper, are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?”

“Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. ”, Dipper explains, sitting up. “For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating….” He sniffs the air, looking confused. “..an entire tube of toothpaste?”

“It was so sparkly...”, Mabel pouts, her mouth covered in toothpaste.

Soos arrives, running end with a look of excitement. “Hey, dudes, you'll never guess what I found!”

“Buried treasure!”, the twins say simultaneously before looking at each other, laughing.

“C’mon, follow me.”, Soos tells them, leading them to a mysterious door that’s been cut off. “So, I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy! ” He unlocks the door and shows them what’s inside. They look around and see a collection of wax figures. But not any wax; these wax statues are historical figures, from Robin Hood to Shakespeare to Coolio.

Dipper shines his flashlight on the statues. “ Whoa. It's a secret wax museum.”

“They're so life-like.”, Mabel notes as she pokes the wax sculpture of Sherlock Holmes.

“Except for that one.”, Dipper critiques with his flashlight shining on a wax figure of Stan. Except it moves.

“Hello!”, Stan greets, making the twins scream and Soos. “It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!” His response doesn’t make it better because they still run out of the storage room, screaming their heads off.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After regathering the Twins and Soos back into the room, Stan introduces his prize collection of wax figures, “Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it”, he admits before showing off the individual statues. “I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes….”, he pauses to see a statue of Larry King. “some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?”

Dipper shudders. “Is anyone else getting the creeps here?”

“And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over--”, he stops his sentence to see said statue melted in the summer sunlight.“Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!” He bends down and puts his finger in wax, huffing in annoyance. "How do you fix a wax figure?”

"Cheer up, Grunkle Stan.", Mabel livens up her grunkle. "Where's that smile?" Stan grunts.

"Beep, bop, boop!", she cheerfully pokes Stan in the face, only to poke him in the eye. "Ow."

"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan.", the young Pine smiles. "I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!"

“You really think you can make one of these puppies?”, Stan rises up. 

“Absolutely, Grunkle Stan! I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?”, she holds up her arm, which has a glue gun glued to it and tries to shake it off. “Eugh, eugh!” 

“Huh, I like your gumption, kid!”, Stan acknowledges with a grin

“I don't know what that word means, but thank you!”, Mabel gives one of her own.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dipper’s been deeply invested into his journal. He just found a page talking about Methanosians, plant-like species that are able to emit flames. It’s very interesting to think about: how are they able to achieve this? Are they able to move so fast that they ignite the air or is it chemically triggered? Perhaps the chemical is-

“Dipper!”, Mabel drops down in front of his startled brother, who almost drops his journal before putting back in his jacket. 

“What do you think of my wax figure idea?”, she shows Dipper a drawing that she sketched in her sketch-book. “She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess!”

“Maybe you should carve something from real life.”, Dipper suggests, feeling creeped out by her picture.

“How about a waffle with big arms?!”, Mabel turns another page, showing the aforementioned waffle.

“Okay... Or, you know, maybe, something else.”, Dipper clarifies, hoping to get his point across. “Like someone in your family.”

“Kids, have you seen my pants?”, Grunkle Stan asks as he poses on a briefcase, trying to find his piece of clothing. This makes Mabel gasps as a surge of inspiration courses into her mind. She turns around, her eyes becoming big as she looks upwards.

“Oh, muse. You work in mysterious ways.”, she beams with excitement.

“Why's your sister talking to the ceiling?”, Stan asks Dipper, clearly unaware of the young artist’s creative breakthrough. The next couple hours revolve around Mabel crafting the new wax figure. She works thoroughly on making the statue’s structure, working on the small details of her grunkle, and painting the right colors. It is rigorous and time consuming but she manages to get half way done. She moves back to admire her work with Dipper and Soos next to her. “I think... it needs more glitter.”, she muses.

“Agreed.”, Soos nods, handing the young Pine a bucket of glitter. She tosses the entire bucket onto the statue. “Perfect!”, Mabel exclaims in joy.

Stan walks in with his pants on but missing his shoes. “Ok, I found my pants but now I'm missing my--” He stops and notices Wax Stan. “Ahhh!” He falls over and crawls away in shock by witnessing the wax’s lifelike features. 

“What do you think?”, she asks, anxiously.

“I think... the Wax Museum's back in business!”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A bustling crowd has gathered at the Mystery Shack, they arrive in droves to see the latest attraction. What the attraction was, they don’t know but it must be worth the price of admission they paid to be here.

“I can't believe this many people showed up.”, Dipper comments as he watches the crowds arriving at the event.

“Yeah, I bet your uncle bribed them”, Wendy replies with a sarcastic grin. 

“He bribed me.”, he smiles, showing the 5 dollar bill that his Grunkle gave him in exchange for working in the ticket stand. She pulled out her own 5 dollar bill that conman bribed her with, making them both snicker. On stage, Stan walks on stage towards the podium. He taps on the microphone, ignoring the ear-piercing feedback it emits from the crowd. 

“You all know me, folks!”, Stan smiles, attempting and failing to charm the crowd. “Town darling, ‘Mr. Mystery.’ Please, ladies, control yourselves!” This garners no response from the women in the crowd. “As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has never known. But enough about me.”, Stan continues, getting to the point of the congregation. “Behold….me!” He removes the tarp, revealing the wax duplicate to the whole crowd. This receives a lukewarm welcome with two people clapping and another coughing. “And now a word from our own Mabelangelo!”, the conman introduces Mabel who takes the microphone from him before walking in front of the crowd.

“Thank you for coming!”, she greets the crowd. “I made this sculpture with my own two hands!” She throws up her arms into the air for a brief moment.  “It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!” The implication makes the audience cringe in disgust.

“Yeah.”, she laughs it off. “I will now take questions! You there!” She points her hand to Old Man McGucket.

“Old Man McGucket, local kook.”, he introduces himself before asking. “Are the wax figures alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?”

“Um...Yes!”, she answers with a confused look on her face before pointing to a staunch man holding a turkey baster in his left hand instead of a microphone. “Next question!”

“Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper.”, he begins. “Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?”

“Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby.”, Stan shoots down his question.

“It certainly is…”, he retracts with a look of self-pity.

“Next question!”

“Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter.”, the female reporter says, holding a real microphone and a camera crew. “Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?” She holds up the said flyer in front him. This, in tow, makes the crowd erupt in indignation over the fact that there wasn’t any pizza around. Stan looks at the crowd with a nervous frown as they demand for pizza and glare at the conman.

“That was a typo.”, he gives a short answer, not really explaining anything. “Good night, everyone!” He drops a smoke bomb running off the stage before taking the admission cash box before anyone would notice. To say the crowd is upset would be an understatement, they are furious that they were swindled by the “Man of Mystery” as they all leave the Shack. No significant damage is caused save for the decorative pole that’s punched by Manly Dan.

Mabel leans on the admission table that Dipper and Wendy are sitting with a smile on her face. “I think that went well.”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

“Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash!” Stan smiles in pride as he counts the money in the evening. “And I owe it all to one person, this guy!” He points to his wax replica of himself to which Mabel punches her grunkle in the arm playfully.

“Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin.”, he laughs, giving her niece a noogie. “Now you kids wash up. We got another long day of racking cash tomorrow.” He starts pushing the twins out the living room. They head upstairs, smiling, as they run upstairs to brush their teeth and go to bed. Once they had gone upstairs, Stan decides to hang with his wax counterpart to watch Ducktective.

“Well, duck-tective, it seems you've really quacked the case.”, the constable jokes.

“Don't patronize me.”, Duck-tective quacks, clearly annoyed by the tasteless joke.

“Stupid duck!”, Stan can't help but laugh as the show goes to commercial. “Well, I'm gonna use the john. You need anything?” His wax counterpart’s grin doesn’t waver, but that doesn’t stop him from laughing. “I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere.”

He leaves to go to the bathroom for a few minutes. That’s all the time that’s needed for something sinister to occur. Like a thief in the night, the figure appears out of nowhere but their intention remains obvious and so, the terrible act is committed in such swift fashion that it’s almost like it never happened. The figure disappears as they hear the footsteps of Stan coming back into the den, leaving no trace.

When he comes back into the living room, Stan's face turns into horror as he screams as his eyes lay upon a devastating sight. “No!... No!... Noooooo!” His yells cause the twins to run downstairs to their grunkle on his knees with his hands holding his horrified face.

“Wax Stan! He's been...murdered!”, Stan points to the headless body of his wax counterpart on the floor. This shocking revelation makes Mabel faint with a gasp with Dipper catching her. While he isn't as emotionally torn about it like his sister and grunkle are about this, it’s still a scary sight to behold. 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

An hour passed by, the cops arrived when Stan called. The living room is turned into a crime scene with Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland questioning Stan about what transpired. “So, I got up to use the john, right?”, he explains, even though he’s still shaken by seeing his wax counterpart beheaded. “And when I come back, blammo! He's headless!”

“My expert handcrafting... besmirched.”, Mabel cries dejectedly as she looks at her masterpiece beheaded.“Besmirched!” Dipper puts a comforting hand on his sister’s shoulder as he looks at the wax figure. The way the head is cleaved indicates that it wasn’t an accident. But one question remains in his mind. Who would do something like this?

“Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts.”, Sheriff Blubs confesses after Durland finished taking notes on the murder. “This case is unsolvable.” Everyone, besides the cops, gasp incredulously. This makes Grunkle Stan very furious

“You take that back, Sheriff Blubs!”, Stan growls. 

“You're kidding, right? There must be evidence, motives. Anything.”, Dipper insists, there must be something that the police officers are missing to figure out the murder.“You know, I could help if you want.”

 “He's really good. He figured out who was eating our tin cans!”, Mabel vouches for her brother.

“All signs pointed to the goat.”, Dipper proudly declares.

“Yeah, yeah! Let the boy help.”, Stan adds on. “He's got a little brain up in his head.”

“Oooh! Would you look at what we got here!”, Sheriff Blubs taunts the young Pines, making him annoyed by the patronizing of the officers. “City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!”

“City boooy! City booooy!”, Durland eggs on with his partner. Blubbs just laughs on before smiling at the young  Pine, condescendingly. “You are adorable.”

“Adorable?”, Dipper pouts, aggravated by the patronizing cops, who just keep on laughing at him.

“Look, P.J.'s.”, Blubs begins, grinning at the aggravated Pine. “How about you leave the investigation to the grown-ups, okay?” Just as he said that, his walkie-talkie sounding off. Attention, all units. Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!

“It's a 23-16!”, Durland squeals in excitement. 

“Let's move!” Blubs proclaims as both officers run off, laughing as they get to their car in quick fashion.

“That's it!”, Dipper declares, determined to prove those officers wrong. “Mabel, you and I are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's adorable.”

“Aww, you sneeze like a kitten!”, Mabel gushes with a beaming grin, to which he glares at her for making him sound cute. It’s going to be a long process for him to get through in order for him to be taken seriously.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The morning arrives and the Pine Twins begin their investigation. Dipper suggests finding clues in the last spot where the crime occured, which is the living room, where the wax statue still lays on the floor since last night. Mabel wraps the police tape, which is basically toilet paper with “Do Not Pass” in marker, as Dipper shoots a picture at the “corpse”.

“Wax Stan has lost his head”, Dipper explains in a tone reminiscent of a detective. “And it's up to us to find it.” He looks at the bulletin board with pictures of suspects. “There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling and the murderer could be anyone of them.”

“Yeah! Even us!”, Mabel adds on.

“In this town, anything is possible.”, Dipper continues as he looks at the journal for some clues. “Ghosts, zombies, it could be months before we find our first clue”.

“Hey, look! A clue.” Dipper stops what he’s doing and looks at where Mabel’s pointing at. He walks to where she is and finds the first clue: shoeprints in the shag carpet. 

Mabel looks at the clue closely and notices something about them. “That's weird. They've got a hole in them.”  

“And they're leading to…”, Dipper stars before he and Mabel follow the trail to see their second clue: an ax behind the reclining chair. The twins look shocked at what they find. “The murder weapon!” He picks up the heavy axe and examines it.

“Who would know about this?”, Dipper thinks aloud.

“Maybe...”, Mabel thinks for a moment before getting a lightbulb. “Maybe we should ask Soos about this.”

Dippers hums before nodding his head.

They head to the gift shop to see Soos doing his usual tasks around the shack. After a few minutes of greeting the handyman, the Pine Twins explain what they’ve been doing and give him the murder weapon to inspect it.

“So, what do you think?”, Dipper asks, hoping Soos can give some additional clues. He keeps staring at the ax with the same analytical expression he had beforehand. 

“In my opinion, this is an ax.” Soos concludes, stating the obvious. 

“And is there anything else?”, Dipper asks, hoping to get an answer from the handyman. “Something weird? Something that can help us?”

“Uh...”, Soos thinks for a moment. “It’s sharp?” Dipper only sighs in minor annoyance. 

“Wait a minute.”, Mabel snaps her fingers. “The lumberjack!”

Dipper realizes for a second. “Yeah, that’s right. He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza.”

“Furious enough, for murder!”, Mabel adds on dramatically.

 “Oh, you mean Manly Dan?”, Soos clarifies the lumberjack’s identity. “Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown.”

 “Then that's where we're going.”, Mabel declares with a fist pump.

“Dude, this is awesome.”, Soos chuckles, sharing some of Mabel’s excitement. “You two are like: The Mystery Twins!”

Dipper frowns at the name the handyman offered. “Don't call us that.”

After getting the information they needed, the Pine Twins walk outside about to the downtown area to where the biker joint. Before they reach it, Dipper and Mabel see their grunkle pulling a coffin out the trunk of his car. “Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya?”, Stan asks. “I'm doin' a memorial service for wax Stan. Something small, but classy.”

“Sorry, Grunkle Stan.”, Dipper apologizes. “But we have got a big break in the case!”

“Break in the case!”, Mabel echoes. 

“We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer.”

“And we have an axe!”, Mabel shows off the axe, waving it a bit with a gaudy smile.

“Hm, seems like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn't want you to do…”, Stan thinks for a moment. “Good thing I'm an uncle. Avenge me kids! AVENGE ME!!”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Skull Fracture is the only biker bar of Gravity Falls, fitting for the most masculine of individuals to hangout. The outer appearance is enough for the normal person to steer clear from, especially with the large bouncer at the front. It’s why Dipper and Mabel are peering around the corner of the tavern, measuring the difficulty of their current situation. 

“This is the place.” Dipper examines, still feeling a bit nervous on getting caught. He turns his head to Mabel. “Got the fake IDs?” She gives him an ID card for him, but he’s not sure that this would work because the card looks hooky at best. It’s made by unlamented cardstock along with crayons and glitter.

“Is this the best you can make, Mabel?”, he asks, still looking at the ID with uncertainty. 

“C’mon, Dipper.”, Mabel pouts. “It’s gonna work.”

“Here goes nothing.”, the young Pine sighs, bracing himself for the worst as they both head to the front of the tavern's entrance, where the bouncer is standing.

“We're here to interrogate Manly Dan, the lumber jack for the murder of wax Stan.”, Mabel speaks with a level of professionalism that it’s a bit jarring.  “I believe our ID’s can provide proof for you, good sir.” They present their ID’s to the bouncer who stares at them, before shrugging.

“Works for me.”, he responds stoically as he opens the door, though Dipper is a little surprised that it worked. As they head inside, they understand why this tavern is called Skull Fracture. Men are either throwing fists at each other, arguing with each other, smoking, or sitting at the bar drinking some beer. Dipper and Mabel walk inside, looking around before motioning for his sister to follow him.

Mabel almost trips over an unconscious body and steps over it. She stops at a moment to stare at the body. “He's resting.”, she reassures to herself before catching up with her brother, who looks around and finds Manly Dan at the arm wrestling machine.

“Alright, let's just try to blend in, ok?”, Dipper asks as he heads towards the lumberjack. “I’m going to interrogate the suspect.”

Mabel gives him a thumbs-up before climbing onto a chair and talks to one of the patrons. “Hey there, fellow restaurant patron!”, she greets the gritty man with a cheery tone before patting him on the arm, ignoring his growl of aggravation. Dipper, meanwhile, passes through the patrons before reaching Manly Dan.

“Manly Dan, just the guy I wanted to see.”, Dipper speaks with nonchalance. “Where were you last night?”

“Punchin' the clock.”, Manly Dan grunts, holding on to the mechanical arm with veins popping. 

“Oh, so you were at work?”

“No, I was punchin' that clock!”, Manly Dan growls as he points to a broken clock outside, which appears broken and at an odd angle.

“10 o'clock, the time of the murder.”, Dipper hums, looking at the time on the broken clock, which is at 10, in consternation.“So, I guess you've never seen this before?” He pulls out the axe from his bag and shows it to the lumberjack.

 “Listen, little girl!” Manly Dan starts.

“Hey, actually I'm a--”

“I wouldn't pick my teeth with that ax. It's left handed! I only use my right hand, the MANLY HAND!!”, Manly Dan rips the machine's arm off and beats the machine with it.

Dipper looks at the axe. “Left handed.” He decides to go and catch his sister before they both head outside to assess what he learned.

“It's a left handed ax.” Dipper confirms as he shows Mabel a list of possible suspects from Stan’s unveiling. “These are all our suspects. Manly Dan is right handed, that means all we have to do is find our left handed suspect and we've got our killer.”

 “Oh man, we are on fire today!” Mabel exclaims with a lot of zeal.

“That we are.”, he responds, feeling some of her excited energy. “Now let's find that murderer.” He shares Mabel’s look of confidence as they share a fist bump. They start out looking around town to find their ideal suspects: they first start at the junkyard, where they see Old Man McGucket wrestling with a baby alligator. Mabel waves and the old kook waves  back with his right hand with the baby gator biting on it. Afterwards, Dipper, wearing a fake mustache,  delivers a package to Pizza Guy's house. Pizza Man signs Dipper's form and gets excited, only for Dipper to take the package and leave. On the other side of the road, Mabel notices the angry lady  and whistles to get her attention before throwing a baseball at her. She catches it with her right hand and crushes it. Later on, the twins find another suspect who was at the unveiling. They knock on his door, only for him to  come out with both hands in casts. So far most the people on the list were all right-handed. It seems like they aren’t close at all.

Except for one suspect.

Dipper gasps as looks for the final suspect on the list. “Mabel, there's only one person left on this list.”

 “Of course, it all adds up!”, Mabel realizes as well.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It's nightfall as the cops and the Pine Twins head to the front door of Gravity Falls Gossiper. It took some convincing but Dipper were able to convince them that their number one suspect was responsible for the murder.

"You kids better be right about this or you'll never get the end of it.", Blubs warns them, hoping to be right so he could tease the city boy.

“The evidence is irrefutable, officers.”, Dipper responds.

“It's so irrefutable.” Mabel adds, waving her hand.

“I'm gonna get to use my match stick!”, Durland giggles in excitement as he waves his batton around.

“You ready? You ready little fella?”, Blubs askes, sharing his partner’s zealous energy as they hit each other playfully with batons, barely able to contain themselves.

“On 3!”, Dipper starts, before counting. “1, 2…” 

Before he can finish, the officers break down the door, barging in with a unified shout with the Pine Twins behind them. “Nobody move!”, Blubs shouts with authority. “This is a raid!”

As his office gets invaded, Toby slips and falls down, yelling in surprise. “What is this? Some kind of raid?”, he asks needlessly.

“Toby Determined, you're under arrest for murder of the wax body of Grunkle Stan.”, Dipper declares confidently.

“You have the right to remain impressed with our awesome detective work.”, Mabel adds on, smugly grinning as she high fives Dipper.

“Gobbling goose feathers! I don't understand!”, Toby exclaims, flustered by what’s going on.

“Then allow me to explain.”, Dipper starts with a confident smile on his face as Mabel holds a newspaper with a picture of Wax Stan's head. “You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline. But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoed reporter who was caught left handed.”

“Toby Determined, you're yesterday's news.”, Mabel concludes as she crumples up the newspaper.

Toby Boy, your little knees must be sore…”, the journalist starts, frowning. “From jumping to conclusions.” He finishes his proud remark before doing a little dance at the kids detective work. “I had nothing to do with that murder.”

“HA! I knew it-wait, come again?”, Dipper exclaims before realizing what he just said. “Nothing? D-did you just  say nothing?” He’s genuinely confused about what Toby just said. How could he not be the suspect when all of the evidence points to him?

“Huh? What? Could you repeat that?”, Mabel asks, sharing her brother’s confusion.

“Then where were you at the night of the break-in?”, Blubs asks, wanting to know the truth as well as Deputy Durland.

 “Ehh…”, Toby tugs on his shirt collar nervously before inserting a tape into a TV. It opens with him looking around, hoping no would notice what he’s doing before taking a cardboard cutout of Shandra Jimenez out of his closet. “Finally, we can be alone, cardboard cutout of TV news reporter Shandra Jimenez!”, he swoons affectionately before he kisses it, making everyone cringe in disgust from what they’re witnessing.

“Welp, timestamp confirms it.”, Blubs concludes. “Toby, you're off the hook. You freak of nature.”

“Hooray!”, Toby cheers, even though the tape is still playing.

“But, but it has to be him!”, Dipper argues, hoping that his hard work doesn’t end in failure.“Check the ax for fingerprints!”

The cops do so, dusting the weapon for any fingerprints, except there isn’t any on it. “Sorry, kid”, Sheriff Blubs shook his head. “No prints at all.”

“No prints?”, Dipper is confused by what he’s heard. There’s no prints on the ax?

Durland “Hey I got a headline for you: city kids waste everyone's time.”, taunts making the adults laugh, making Dipper and Mabel feel more embarrassed than they already are. They put so much effort into finding the culprit and from what they gathered, it seemed like the evidence was pointing to Toby Determined. But, they were wrong.  It feels like the case itself is unsolvable.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Later on today, Grunkle Stan arranges a funeral for his wax counterpart in the parlor. He is standing on a stage with a bunch of chairs set up with Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and the wax figures as the audience.

“Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming.”, Stan thanks, solemnly before continuing. “Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself.”

“They're wrong!”, Soos exclaims as he stands up.

“Easy Soos.”, Stan responds, he understands the handyman’s sentiments. He looks at his headless wax replica, feeling a sob coming up as he continues. “Wax Stan, I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven.” The conman sniffles, wiping his eye. “I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye!” He runs out, not able to finish the eulogy without feeling grief.

“Ohhhhh duuuude…”, Soos cries out as he runs after his, trying to console him. There’s nothing but silence as it’s just the Pine Twins and the wax figures left in attendance. Dipper and Mabel look solemnly at the casket the headless Wax Stan is in, reminding them of their failure at finding the murderer. This realization makes Dipper slump into his seat, sighing.

“Those cops are right about me. About us.”, Dipper mutters in disappointment and defeat.

“But Dipper, we've come so far, we can't give up now.”, Mabel encourages as she gives her brother a smile.

 “Mabel, we’ve considered everything: the weapon, the motive, the clues.”, he insists as he stands up and walks to the coffin. “We looked at every perspective and there was nothing but dead ends.” When the case first started, Dipper thought he and Mabel could solve this easily. They had the clues, the potential candidates for the murderer, and the solid idea for a motive of the murder. But now, he’s not so sure anymore and can’t reach any conclusion. There are too many loose ends to this mystery.

That is until he notices something, something he didn’t see during their investigation. “That’s weird”, Dipper notes, as he stares at the wax rendition’s shoes. “Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it.”

“Well, yeah. All the wax guys have that.”, Mabel answers, following her brother to the casket with the ax in her hand. “It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy.”

“Wait a minute, what has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints?”, Dipper mutters to himself. He slowly realizes something. Despite the fact that his previous suspect had a hole in his shoe along with being left handed. But there’s an additional piece of evidence that’s to be considered: There’s no fingerprints. And there's someone or, something, that has none.

“Uh...Dipper”, Mabel asks, confused by her brother’s silence.

“Mabel.”, Dipper starts as he looks at his sister. “The murderers are--”

“Standing right behind you?”

The Pine Twins gasp in surprise as they turn around and see something that defies logic: all the wax figures rise up, either scowling with hatred or smiling in malicious intent as they creeped closer towards the stunned children until they’re blocked off from any escape. The lineup of wax figures include Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, Genghis Khan, Larry King, Coolio (?), and Sherlock Holmes, who is holding up the decapitated head of Wax Stan. A wax replica of Lizzie Borden takes the ax from a terrified mabel before Wax Sherlock begins.

“Congratulations, my two amuetur slueths”, he patronizes as he tosses Wax Stan’s head up and down like a ball. “You've discovered our little secret.” He turns towards his wax comrades, who sneer at the Pine Twins. “Applaud, everyone. Applaud sarcastically.”

The wax figures collectively do so, mocking the children with sneers etched onto their faces, but Sherlock admonishes him. “Uh, no, that sounds too sincere. Slow clap, please.” The figures slow down their clapping so it may appear prominently more sarcastic. “There we go. Nice and condescending.”

“H-how is this possible?”, Dipper asks, baffled by what’s going on. “You're made of wax.”

“Are you magic”, Mabel gasp, curiously.

“Are we magic?” Wax Sherlock laughs with a sneer. “She wants to know if we're magic!” He keeps chuckling before slamming his fist down on the casket, jolting Dipper and Mabel. “We're CURSED!”

“CURSED!”, the wax figures repeat.

“Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing.”, Wax Sherlock explains, walking near the fireplace.“Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale.” 

“A haunted garage sale, son!”, Wax Coolio adds.

“Quite.”, Wax Sherlock agrees before continuing. “And so, the Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man.”

“But when your uncle went to sleep, we would rule the night.”, Wax Coolio interjects again.

“It was a charmed life for us cursed beings…”, Wax Sherlock speaks, with a tone of reminiscent before turning cold.  “That is, until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away. But we got the wrong guy.”

“So you were going to kill Grunkle Stan for real”, Dipper asks, completely shocked by what he’s heard.

“You were right, Dipper.”, Mabel says. “Wax figures are creepy.”

“Enough!”, Wax Sherlock silences them. “Now that you know our secret, you must die.” Wax Sherlock, along with the rest of the wax figures, rolls his eyes to the back of his head. The wax figures growl intimidatingly as they get closer to the Pine Twins.

Mabel looks at her brother, who activates the Omnitrix. Dipper tries to select the right alien as the wax figures get close while Mabel attempts to distract them by throwing items from the small refreshment table. It does little to no effect before she throws a pot of coffee at the face of Wax Genghis Khan, who screams in pain.

“That’s it. We can melt them with hot, melty things”, Mabel realizes.

“Hot, melty things”, Dipper repeats before an idea pops up into his head. “That’s it!” He turns the dial to get his designated alien. In a flash of emerald light, stunning Mabel and the wax statues, Dipper’s body begins to morph: He feels his body developing chlorophyll as his feet become roots, his oxygen molecules shift to methane, easy for ignition. His shoulders develop red flowers.

Dipper becomes a Methonisian: a humanoid, plant-like alien that has an overall green and black colored body, mostly with a red flame-patterned head and root-like feet, seemingly holding black rocks. His eyes are oval-shaped with points at each end with pupils copying the shape but are smaller. Also, his shoulders and head have red petals and his elbows and legs have green frills sticking out. This alien is taller than an average human and has a distinct rotten stench that worsens with heat.

“Swampfire!”, the altered Pine shouts. Mabel looks at her brother in awe, he finds a new transformation that looks very cool but she notices something when she smells him.

“Ugh. Dipper you stink.”, Mabel holds her nose in disgust.

“That’s because my body is emitting methane fumes.”, Swapfire answers.

“Just take a shower when this is over.”, she begs as she grabs two decorative candles.

“The stink would probably go away when I transform back but okay.”, he answers, igniting his fists which causes the wax figures to step back even further. “Any one of you moves and we'll melt you!”

“With some fire and decorative candles!”, Mabel declares.

“Do you really think you could beat us with candles and by becoming a giant flaming weed?”, Wax Sherlock asks, his tone incredulous at the idea of these kids defeating despite them having the advantage.

“I mean….I can make flames outta my hands and she's got candles. So...”, Swampfire shrugs. 

“Yeah, it’s kind off a no-brainer.”, Mabel points out.

“So be it.”, Wax Sherlock answers before shouting. “ATTACK!” The wax figures and the Pine Twins charge, ready for battle.

Wax Lizzie Borden swings her ax at Mabel, but accidentally decapitates Wax Robin Hood. Mabel walks around her, but Wax Shakespeare sneaks up behind her. Mabel cuts off his hands with both candles, and he runs away in cowardice. Wax Shakespeare's hands, however,  move and begin strangling Mabel. She grabs a door and repeatedly smashes it on its fingers.

A couple of wax figures tackle Swampfire to the ground before dogpiling him, but since he has the strength advantage, he’s able to get them off of him through powering out, making the wax figures fly across the room in different directions. After doing that, he avoids being grabbed from behind by Wax Larry King before delivering a fiery chop that decapitates his head. “Interview this, Larry King!”

“My neck! My beautiful neck!”, Wax Larry King cries out, running away.

Wax Groucho growls as he charges towards Swampfire, but the altered Pine is ready as he blasts the wax figure in his stomach with a massive fireball causing both halves to slowly slip off.

“Jokes on you, Groucho!”, Swampfire quips.

“I heard of an empty stomach but this is ridiculous.”, Wax twiddling his fingers a bit as the top half of his body slid off of the lower half. “Hey, why is there nothing in my hand?”

Swampfire turns around to see Wax Genghis Khan charging at him and simply sidesteps him, making the wax figure run into the fireplace.

“Ha, Genghis Khan! You fell harder than the... uh... ”, Swampfire declares before getting confused. “I don't know, uh, Jin Dynasty? Heh. Yeah. Alright. ”

Mabel swings around Wax Coolio's head while getting overwhelmed by wax figures.

“Dipper! Watch out!”, Mabel calls out to her transformed brother. He blasts Wax Richard Nixon out the room before turning around to Wax Sherlock Holmes behind him.

“Alright. Let’s get this taken care of.”, Wax Sherlock says, putting Wax Stan's head on the horn of a rhino on the wall, and grabs a sword hanging on it. He then swings the blade and it slices Swampfire’s off. The wax figure seems pleased before his eyes narrow in annoyance and confusion as the altered Pine grows another arm. Swampfire ignites his fists and starts swinging at Wax Sherlock, who in turn uses the sword defensively while delivering more hits to the alien. This continues until they reach the attic.

"Once your family is out of the way, we’ll rule the night once more!", Wax Sherlock declares, raising his sword planning to slice Swampfire’s head clean off.

I can't deliver a massive fire attack in this area, Swampfire thinks. The best course is….He quickly turns to see the window. There!

"Don’t count on it!", Swampfire retorts, kicking Wax Sherlock down the stairs before opening the window to get outside. He climbs up to the top sign of the Mystery Shack and waits near the edge to hear Wax Sherlock Holmes coming up to finish him off.

"You think you can outwit me, freak?!", Wax Sherlock asks in aggravation as the figure climbs up. "I’m Sherlock Bloody Holmes!" He looks ready to slice up the alien boy until he reaches the top sign. But he realizes his mistake as Swampfire holds both hands out to deliver an attack.

“Burn.”, Swampfire declares before blasting a stream of flames that seems to have melted the wax figure. He moves forward to the spot where Wax Sherlock was standing. He looks from his left and his right, hoping to find any evidence that he melted the wax figure. Honestly, where did he-

Out of nowhere, Wax Sherlock appears between the top and bottom sign to deliver a hard elbow strike to Swampfire’s face. This causes him to tumble on the other side of the roof, rolling on the surface and grabbing onto the edge of it to prevent himself from falling down. He looks down at the ground below before gulping, he knows that these aliens are tough but he still doesn't feel comfortable at the aspect of falling. 

The sudden sound of scraping alerts the altered Pine to see Wax Sherlock Holmes, despite having one arm that’s mostly melted off, brandishing the sword with a hateful scowl on his face. He stops on top of the chimney and for additional cruelty, steps on Swampfire’s hands, eliciting a grunt of pain from him.

“Any last requests”, Wax Sherlock asks as he holds the sword, ready to finish the job of killing this freak.

Swampfire turns his head slightly to see the sky brightening up a bit, making him have a small grin of victory. “You got any sunscreen?”

“Sunscree-?”, Wax Sherlock looks confused before he realizes his hand is melting. “What?!” He gasps in horror at the sight of the warm, summer sun rising up.

“No.”, Wax Sherlock says placidly, despite his wax body melting in the heat.

“Yeah, it really wasn’t very sharp of you to let me lead you out here.”, Swampfire replies, confidently.

“Outsmarted by a child in short pants! No!”, Wax Sherlock exclaims in frustration and agony as the sun reaches even higher. “Fiddlesticks! Humbugs! Tiiter, total kerfuffle. Butter hallabaloo.” He continues cursing until he becomes a puddle with only his head holding some shape. Swampfire climbs up on the roof before sighing in relief. A certain ring from the Omnitrix emblem on his indicates that he’s going to turn back and in a flash of red light, Dipper becomes normal again.

“Case closed.”, Dipper declares in satisfaction, wiping the dust from his hands before he sneezes.

“You sneeze like a kitten!”, Wax Sherlock laughs, mockingly as his remains slip off the roof. “Those policemen were right, you're adorable! Adorable!” He declares his final word before falling down at the ground below in a splat.

“Ew.”, Dipper mutters in disgust.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Just as the battle on the roof is finished, so is Mabel’s in the parlor as she scoops all the remaining pieces of the wax figures with one more, Wax William Shakespeare’s living head.

“Though our group be left in twain, the men of wax shall rise again!”, Wax William declares though it reaches deaf ears as Mabel picks him up.

“Y’know any limericks?”, she asks curiously.

“Uh... there once was a dude from Kentucky…”, the wax figure attempts, weakly.

“Nope!”, Mabel concludes throwing his head into the fire before noticing her brother entering the parlor. “Dipper! You're okay! You solved the mystery after all.”

“I couldn't have done it without my sidekick.”, he says as he pulls up a chair and takes Wax Stan's head off the wall. 

“No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick.” Mabel informs him. 

“What? Says who? Have people been saying that? Have you heard that?”, Dipper asks nervously before coming down.

“Eesh, which one of you broke wind-”, Stan comes into the parlor before screaming incredulously. “Hot Belgian Waffles!! What happened to my parlor?!” He sees the room cluttered with various wax parts on the floor.

“Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death!”, Mabel answers, jovially.

“I decapitated Larry King.”, Dipper adds.

Stan stares at them for a minute before laughing at their ridiculous claim. “Ha ha! You kids and your imaginations!”

“On the bright side, though, look what we found.”, Dipper shows his grunkle’s wax replica’s head.

“My head! Ha ha! I missed this guy!”, Grunkle Stan beams happily. “You done good, kids! Alright, line up for some affectionate noogie-ing.” Dipper and Mabel try to protest but he just noogies them, all of them sharing a big laugh before a police car drives near the broken parlor window, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland on the inside relaxing.

“Solved the case yet, boy?”, Sheriff Blubs asks, condescendingly. “ I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee.” He holds up his coffee and starts drinking really slowly to mock the Omnitrix-user.

“Actually, the answer is yes.”, Dipper answers, casually as he holds Wax Stan’s head. This causes Sheriff Blubs to choke on his coffee before spitting it in Durlands face, which leads to him screaming in pain and spitting the coffee back at Blubs’ face, making him scream in pain . This continues on until the drive away in pain from the scalding coffee before ending up crashing.

The Pines laugh at the spectacle, enjoying the catharsis of solving the case. “They got scalded.”, Stan quibs, chuckling.

“So, did you get rid of all the wax figures?” Dipper asks.

“I am ninety-nine percent sure that I did!”, Mabel answers with a confident grin.

“Good enough for me!”, Dipper concludes.

Little does she know, Mabel missed one. A headless Wax Larry King chuckles before chasing off after a rat that steals his ear.

[100-yardstare]

Oh, hey everyone! Yes, I’m not dead but I feel like it!!! Just dropping in to document my life events, and figured that writing things down and creating a physical projection of my future in writing will help me get my shit together.

*In Mario’s Voice* HERE WE GOOO

So in January I took a full-time job as a Behavior Therapist, which is in all honesty, and REALISTICALLY, an amazing opportunity to not only put to use the psychology degree I worked my ass on for 8 years, but to also get firsthand experience of both a type of mental healthcare environment, and a community with many disabled and neurodivergent clients. Basically, the good news about this job is that is aligns basically perfectly with my long-term career goals, and although it’s NOT AT ALL what my end career goal is going to be career wise (a BT differs professionally over a counselor), it’s a stepping stone nonetheless, and will keep me on my rise upward to what I want to do in life. The pay is OK, plus I get benefits which I desperately need cause I’m literally a sick fuck in need of healthcare.

THE BAD NEWS IS I AM BEYOND STRESSED AND LITERALLY CRY EVERYDAY SO THERE’S THAT.

What I don’t like to talk about a lot, and have probably never mentioned, at least to a large degree here on Tumblr, is that I suffer from severe emetophobia (fear of vomit or vomiting). It started about a year after I graduated High School where I suffered a weird and random bought of what I thought was a stomach bug or something, but it kept happening... for two solid months...  and then it developed into a chronic thing mentally where I wouldn’t eat for like another 4-5 months. Doctors now say what happened was basically because of my PCOS, which is the medical problem I occasionally mention here.

I basically survived by eating tiny pieces of bread and lost a ton of weight to the point that I was almost a skeleton because I was so afraid of vomiting again. It took pretty much a solid 6 years before I got to a point where I could function and gained some weight back to where I was at a healthy weight, and began to eat like a normal fucking person. I still was afraid of vomiting, but at least it didn’t run my life like it once did. I still, however, to this day have my triggers, and the workplace I am at now has basically become a 50/50 chance daily of being a trigger.

See... I have worked with children before as a swim instructor, but not to this capacity. The patients we normally have are between 3-6 years old, and lo and behold, they are germy gremlins, and norovirus has been going around. Yes, I know now I am an absolute idiot for not realizing kids=sickness.

I do not eat all day. I do not touch my face all day. I do not get my face to close to the patients, and I am constantly am hyper vigilant for any type of stomach pain or the pre-act of one of these kids vomiting. I get home from work and I immediately take off my clothes and take a shower, then after that disinfect my phone, and anything else that I need to use that night--with bleach. Only then do I eat. I am literally a complete mental wreck right now. And when I tell people I have emetophobia, only my mom and brother REALLY understand what the fuck is going on. To summarize, it’s absolute hell.

Luckily I haven’t caught the norovirus that’s been going around, but this last week I’ve been battling a severe cold that has taken my voice for a solid two days. I’ve had to call of work simply because I can’t talk, so I’m in “the negative” for time off work now. I keep telling myself that this is just a means to an end, and have given myself about 10 months--to about October--to get what experience I need to get done and move on with my life.

MY PLANS: So my plan is to get this “experience”, and stay just long enough to where I feel at least competent in a mental healthcare type environment. In that time I’m going to try and learn as much as I can, see if I can get some letters of recommendation from my supervisor, make enough money to cover as much tuition as possible, and then apply to grad school. I’ve already found a program I am very interested in, and I feel like I may look better to the admissions office if I at least have some previous job experience in a semi-related field. I’ve settled on a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health, and I have never been more excited in my life about it. I want to make something for myself to where I am not only comfortable, but am excelling in. I cannot, absolutely cannot, come into work everyday in fear. I just hope God keeps me healthy enough to make it through this year (and dodge a stomach bug), and I’m able to not go completely under mental health wise. I am literally surprised I have not quit already, but as they say, a job is a job, and this one for me is just a means to an end to where I can get to where I really want to be.

Everyday is going to be a constant and exhausting battle from now until October, and I just hope I can make it through to the end of the tunnel. I have absolutely no other choice because I was lucky enough to get this job as quickly as I did and can’t waste anymore time trying to get the money and experience for grad school.

[sphor-art]

NINJAGO CURSED AU

oof here it is finally: a little background on my cursed au

its pretty long so im going to put it under a cut

Once upon a fucking time, a few months ago, my brain shat out this idea that basically went “what would happen if ninjago actually had real world physics”. A few minutes of thinking resulted in the answer “not good, probably death”. So knowing that, here’s an entire au based off of pain and suffering :)

Presenting: the NINJAGO CURSED AU

(disclaimer: some things in this au might change cause of shenanigans, shitposting and you guys sending in ideas. So this is just a kind of general outline)

>> the “story” starts with the sad loner with an undefined name (the cursed variant of the FSM). he lived in Ninjago (the country), with a oligarchy about as fair as the american voting system. The gov consisted of the ancestors of the elemental masters we all don't really know and kind of love. The voting system was kinda messed up cause not many people really wanted to go against someone that could obliterate you and your family in a split second. So yeah, the gov stayed with the original ems ruling over Ninjago, doing a.. mediocre job. Like most oligarchies, the people weren't very happy about the way things were going-- the “FSM” included. (lets just call him something easy like uh.. Jim.) Jim was special though-- he was super salty. Y’see Jim used to be part of the gov but was being an ass to the other ems, so they just booted him out of power and hoped he didn’t come back. Jim however, comes back anyways. Because Jim doesn't care about what the ems think is or is not possible.

Before that tho, old man Jimmy here needs to figure out a Scheme™ to get back at the other ems. And what idea he formulates was probably one of the worst ideas in Ninjago history (he doesn't know that yet but i don’t think he cares either). So what he plans: 1. Find a djinn; 2. Curse the other elemental masters because curses sound cool and stuff; 3. Profit? He didn’t really think it through.

So you have this old man with a terrible plan, possessing the aid of a being of really  powerful being, barging into the congress and rubbing his little lamp, screaming his little curses. A wonderful sight to behold, honestly. As we all can tell, the first step of this little plan is already.. slightly problematic. Take a wild guess what the heck happened after jimmy here wished for all the other EMs to be cursed. well. a lot of things happened. mostly bad.

First things first: jim didn’t specify exactly what kind of curse that these ems would get. So this djinn mclittle fuck just made being an elemental master a curse (so the ems that had the power now, and those in the future would all be cursed). Which btw kind of included himself. whoops? Secondly: you just destroyed the entire governing system you little shit. Either you have to step up, find someone to step up into a dictatorship rule, or just have Ninjago fall into anarchy. Of course you would deem yourself a dictator what kind of question is that?

>> timeskip, the original EMs are fucking DEAD. The curse is transferred to either the closest blood relative or a random unfortunate person. Mr jim here is still a little bitch, but somehow got laid and now has two kids who he passed his curse onto. You probably guessed it: its wu and garmadon. This old shit’s two less shitty sons.

Sometime after fuckhands mcjim decided came to power, and present day jim; he realized his mistake of full out cursing the ems cause now you have a handful of people causing natural disasters and shit. It's bad for reputation and economy. So jim goes out and hires a bunch of people (and snakes) to go find cursed people and bring them to him. Meanwhile, he shits out some propaganda targeting against the cursed folk to make them easier to find. Now here comes the question “what the fuck do you do with these captured ems?” good question because jim didn’t really know at the time. So he went for the best option he could think of: murder. Ok well.. Not murder murder, more of-- destroying the physical form of a person and containing their powers in this cool Crystal he found. This went well until he came to the realization that he could always save a few special ems and exploit their powers individually.  He set up a testing facility, working on not-so-ethical experiments on certain ems. I could get into the specifics on this stuff in another post or else this post gonna get even longer than it already gonna be.

So, now onto the garmabros. In this au, wu is way less of a bitch than in canon. Thankfully. While garmadon still kept the same world views as jim, allowing him to co-rule ninjago, wu didn’t agree with most of the things that his bro and dad thought were fine. Jim was a shitty dad so he kicked wu out (wow sounds familiar from stuff above huh? Jim don’t you ever learn from stuff that happened in the past?). Wu is pretty salty from that so he goes into seclusion and builds a temple for himself so he could learn how to control his curse of creation. He stays in there, doing meditations and writing fanfiction or something for a few years until one day, while going shopping for stuff, a huge storm hits. Seems dramatic right? Big plot is gonna happen thats why. u would think it was some sort of Big Evil but in reality its a random fucking fart gremlin getting beat up in an alleyway and forming a tornado. Oh wait thats morro. So wu was like “holy shit kid what the fuck” and took him in as a pupil, lowkey adopted him, and taught him how to control his curse. After some time with morro, wu remembered that there are still other ems out there that need help, and became an official Cryptid Hunter. (cryptids since the ems were so excluded from society with huge governmental manipulation that they basically existed as faceless creatures that most people hated.) 

after that, wu just went around tracking down other ems and tried to convince them to join him so they dont fucking die

thats basically it tbh, if you have questions about any of the ems just send in an ask