#[text: alive/survived/harder]

[rpdepartment]

              i'm 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 by the skin of my teeth

      i sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇᴅ      but it got ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ to breathe

[pelova4president]

Shadows are to protect III

Alessia Russo x Putellas!Reader

Victoria Pelova x Putellas!Reader

shadows are to protect I, II, IV

summary~ Victoria has been nothing but good to you but somehow you find a way to ruin everything

You picked the dead plants up and carried them into your kitchen that was still covered in white flour. Surely you could bring them back to life right. They just needed a little more loving and they’d come back. A little water and some sunlight.

You were puzzled by Alessia’s reaction. She didn’t want you, she made that very clear. But why was she so upset about it. Okay yeah, you made sure to show her that you were over her, that you moved on. But she had a boyfriend, she shouldn't even care.

You took a good look at the plants, they were doomed. In some way they were just like humans. They needed to be taken care of, they need love, light and water. They can't survive on their own, at least not long. Some can, like a cactus. But even they can't remain alive like that forever.

You've been doing most things by yourself, until Alessia. She was your water and sun until she wasn't. And you had held yourself up after but you couldn't keep doing that forever so you'd gone to your sister and then Vicky came along. And Victoria didn't just give you water and sun, she took care of you. And maybe that was the difference between the two of your teammates. One cared for you and the other pretended to.

Victoria was there for you when you needed her and she actually liked being around you. Alessia loved the idea of you, she was there whenever she wanted you. Not when you wanted her. It was a hard pill to swallow but it was the truth. You've been romanticizing this idea of Alessia Russo, the goalscorer, the golden girl, the fucking winner.

And the fucking worst of it all was that you still cared for her.

You fell into a new routine in the upcoming weeks. Victoria insisted on driving you to training even though she was clumsy in her car, maybe even more than Alessia. She'd buy you coffee on the way to training and you'd kiss her thank you every time. It was nice, she was nice.

Victoria took you out on dates after games and you'd have little picnic dates after training. You'd make the food and she covered the drinks. The two of you would spent hours playing with puppy’s and talking. You loved the park.

Training was less enjoyable. You got dirty looks from a certain striker and especially when you were with Victoria. Alessia took it upon herself to make trainings a living hell for you. She tackled you harder than was necessary and was throwing you at the ground every chance she got. You were absolutely fucking done with it and so were your teammates.

“God, Alessia what has gotten into you!” Leah scolded the blonde when she made yet another unnecessary hard tackle. “Nothing, just a bad day.” she grumbled. But Leah knew it wasn’t a bad day, she’s been doing this to you for a long time now. “Whatever, keep that out of training okay. No need to injure our own players.” Leah told her. You rolled your eyes at her, why did she have to act like this.

It wasn’t until days later that you spoke Alessia again. She hadn’t reached out since that kiss with Vic. You didn’t try to text her, if she wanted to say something she should be the one reaching out to you.

Vic drove you to Viv and Beth’s house. They planned some kind of victory dinner before the national camps. You were actively trying to get more along with the team since Victoria was close with most of the girls and you knew she’d love it for you if you got closer with them. Viv was like family for her so you tried your best to put your awkward self away to attend a team dinner.

Everything was going fine, Beth welcomed you in and Rona and Myle were happy to see you too. The dinner was amazing, since Viv cooked it for you. It’s been a while since you had a home made meal so it was nice. There were people all over their house talking and eating, it was kind of like team hang outs you had in Barcelona.

Looking around, in search of a Dutch girl’s eyes your eyes caught those of an English player. Her blues were drilling into you. It was hard to ignore the feeling of someones eyes on you, so you didn’t. You stared right back at her and the only reaction you got was a huff and some eye rolling. Jesus, what did she want.

You got up, ready to pour yourself another drink. “Vicky, you want another drink?” you asked the brunette. She was in a conversation with Teyah so she shook her head no. You walked towards their kitchen. The chaotic noise of conversations was still somewhat on the background but the quieter space was still nice.

Filling your wine glass with some water, something Caitlin would take the mick out of later, you leaned into the wall.

You were somewhat in peace until someone bumped into you. Your eyes shot open, “What the fuck?” you groaned. Blue eyes stared back at you, totally unimpressed. “What? Can’t take a little push, just like in training. Grow up man.” Alessia rolled her eyes.

Now you were getting mad. She’s been the one telling you to fuck off, how you were clingy and that she didn’t want you. “What is your fucking problem. I’ve done nothing to you, i stopped bothering you right? Just like how you wanted.” you placed your glass on the counter.

Alessia took a step towards you. “Yeah so you got with my best friend to get back at me. You’re so fucking selfish.” she huffed out.

“Joder, I didn’t do anything to you! I’ve let you do your thing with your boyfriend. I didn’t say anything to anyone about us, just how you’d like that right. I was just your dirty little secret no one should know about.” you walked out. But she captured your wrist before you could take another step.

“I broke up with him weeks ago and when i wanted tell you i saw you.. with Victoria. I wanted to say sorry but then you seemed like you didn’t want it anymore.” she whispered carefully.

It was hard to believe she wanted you, especially after what she had said to you. “Don’t say that, you don’t want to be with me. You made that very clear.” you turned around. Alessia’s brows were knitted together and her eyes were getting glossy. But she did that every time. And every time she got what she wanted, you in her bed by the end of the night. And after, she told you those lies all over again. How she didn’t want you, how nobody could ever want you and the next Saturday she’d look at you with those eyes and you’d fall for it all over again. It wasn’t healthy.

“Alessia, don’t.” you looked at her. But she didn’t take that for an answer and took your head in her hands like she’d done on some many other evenings. But those evenings were in one of your houses, where nobody could see. Her lips touched yours and you didn’t pull away, not fast enough.

You heard someone clear their throat and that pulled you out of your trance. You opened you eyes and saw Vic standing there with an empty glass in hand. “I- i uh i was just getting something to drink but..” her voice trembled.

“Vicky. Vic, i’m sorry but it’s not what you think it is.” you got out of Alessia’s grasp but Victoria was faster. She picked her keys up from the dinner table and walked out of the door.

Alessia watched the scene play out in front of her and placed her hand on your shoulder. You pushed her hand off of you. “Fucking look what you did Alessia! I don’t want you okay, you’re confusing me and i don’t need that. I just want someone that loves me as much as i love them and you clearly don’t” you breathed out. The tears had found an escape in the corners of your eyes and they traveled down your cheeks. You wiped them away angrily and walked out of the door.

Why couldn’t Alessia just leave you alone. You were finally getting along with everyone, you found your person, football was going good but she just couldn’t let you be. You’ve hurt Victoria, the only person that cared about you enough to be there for you.

You took your phone out of your back pocket and called her. No answer.

“Vicky, lo lamento. I didn’t want that. I only want you and our picnic dates, your weird movie choices and your clumsiness. I’m so so sorry. I will explain everything if you give me the chance. Ik hou van jou.” you spoke.

You knew she never listened to her voicemail but it was worth a shot. Maybe she’d listen to it. You had to leave for camp tomorrow and somehow that felt worse than your situation here. You had to pretend everything was fine and you were thriving at Arsenal like always. And you had to leave Victoria, that just wasn’t fair. You don’t get the chance to make it right.

And even though you don’t have a choice in leaving, you want to stay, or even better, disappear.

A/N i don’t know what i’m writing anymore. It seems like the story is only getting more angsty and there has to be another part. Should r just disappear and move or something?

[haesunflower]

zb1 finds out they were not your top pick

genre: reaction, comedy, sad for some

pairing: reader (mostly gn) x all members of zerobaseone

about/tags: reaction when they find out you didn't one-pick vote them or they weren't your main pick

established relationship unless stated otherwise, yujin's context is friendship only, bullet point reactions, lowercase intentional, junhyeon and jeonghyeon make an appearance!

⠀⠀ kim jiwoong ⠀⠀

"babe i have a confession to make"

you sounded so serious and you looked so nervous, so he put down his phone to put all his attention into what you were going to say

then you confessed that you were so busy during one-pick voting you didn't get to vote for him consistently and it was eating you alive

he released a sigh of relief then laughed

is kinda endeared with the fact that you blurted that out to him and that it warranted a "confession"

honestly was kinda unbothered

he made it in the debut group and that's all that matters to him

stands up to place a kiss on your head

"that's it? don't worry about it babe "

⠀⠀ zhang hao ⠀⠀

he founds out because he finds your voting certificates screenshots

he kinda deadpans and goes "ricky? you voted for ricky??"

and you have to explain that you were sure he was gonna land AT LEAST 2ND no matter what, so you had to vote for other people you wanted in the lineup

he agrees with your stance

and commends your argumentative reasoning

you end up talking about the strategies you applied in the different rounds of voting, and he shares about his strategies when choosing concepts for each mission

you're both very smart people that understand how survival shows work

⠀⠀ sung hanbin ⠀⠀

when you tell him that you alternated voting him and zhanghao during the one pick round he jokes that maybe that's why he ended up in 2nd place

but he's genuinely joking, he says that whole sentence with a huge smile on his face

you don't take it a joke and you start crying

full on tears

"i'M soRRY it's my fault as to why you don't get your own song"

you look like this (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`) at this point

he giggles and kisses your tears away

"love...i was joking, please stop crying"

"i cAN'T"

⠀⠀ seok matthew ⠀⠀

actually....this one might cause a fight

he actually has to leave the room for a while to think it over

i can see him being so sad over it like :(( "i thought you only supported me"

keeps bugging you to ask who you ended up voting for

when you answer jiwoong he sorta just goes..

"....ok fair"

but he's still going to be sad about it

is very open with you that he feels disappointed

your relationship is very new though so he's trying to be understanding

you work 10 x harder to reassure him that you're his #1 priority nowadays

⠀⠀ kim taerae ⠀⠀

he's lying on your lap when he asks "you voted for me everyday right?"

"well....."

immediately sits right up

"you see, there's just so many talented people, i couldn't really choose....and well..."

you're trying to make up words as you go, rambling at this point

the truth is you voted for him every damn day you just wanted to see his reaction

he's so patient with you and holds your hands as you're trying to explain

makes direct eye contact with you, eyebrows knit awaiting the point you're getting at

you realize you took it too far

so you just bring out your phone and pull out your album of voting certificates

"i'm joking. sorry, i just wanted to get your reaction"

literally smiles so big and takes the phone from your hand as he scrolls through the album

album name: for taerae's dream

⠀⠀ ricky ⠀⠀

this one is an actual fight, well, a petty one

you're getting ready to go to dinner with friends when ricky facetime calls you

"i heard from taerae that you like jeonghyeon"

and you're like ??? "yeah i think he's talented, why?"

"he's your one-pick?"

"if you're asking if I voted for him, then yes i did"

then he just hangs up

he ignores the calls and texts you send after that, and literally doesn't reach out to you again until the next day

he caves when he opens your 50+ unread messages & sees the pictures of a long handwritten apology in 3 diff languages (yes, idol-like apology)

he smiles, then realizes he's supposed to be annoyed, then smiles again

he didn't mean to be this petty so he calls you back to apologize as well

⠀⠀ kim gyuvin ⠀⠀

when you're playing truth or dare and he asks you who your one pick was

he instantly regrets it

"don't feel bad okay, but it was gunwook"

he pretends it doesn't bother him but it does

mainly because he previously compared himself to gunwook a lot and he's starting to think that even in dating you, there's competition

and it doesn't help that you guys are so fresh into the relationship

he forces out a little laugh but I guess you can tell it's fake

bc you distract him from his thoughts by kissing his nose

"stop overthinking silly, i said it WAS...was like past tense"

takes your word for it, and holds your hand tightly, intertwining your fingers

⠀⠀ park gunwook ⠀⠀

never let him find out .

i'm serious never .

mainly because you know how gunwook gets

he likes it when your attention is on him 100% of the time

but that failed when one of your alarms went off and it said "vote for junhyeon"

he just looked at you like ᯣ_ᯣ what do you mean vote for junhyeon

you had to explain that you had another device where you were voting for junhyeon every day too so that he could debut with his best friend

while you expected him to be kinda pouty he totally wasn't

he just looked at you softly before tugging you into a warm embrace and said

"thank you for always thinking of me"

⠀⠀ han yujin ⠀⠀

(not romantic) (if you want to know why read my important announcement)

after the finale, the class groupchat blew up full of congratulatory messages for yujin

in midst of the chaos, of your classmates exposed you for being a gyuvin stan

classmate a: yah y/n, why are you typing you didn't even vote for yujin

classmate b: all you did was talk about gyuvin everyday

yujin sends a photo of gyuvin's autograph he promised to get you

yujin: guess this is going in the trash, y/n

you: waIT NO plEASE yujin i voted for you up until we could only pick one

yujin just seenzones you

everyone laugh reacts at the message exchange

A/N: this was funny thanks for requesting!

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

✎ mobile masterlist

✉︎ request

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Ahh it's the last day of 2023 already?

I am expecting a call from a friend although the possibility of this happening is very slim it always felt nice to hear the voice of an old friend ( I'm not a text person I've realised this over time but I am stuck to be a text person) .

I can't wait for spring to come in 2024 , spring provides an intense amount of healing to my soul.

The next four months are very crucial in my life if they go well I can survive the rest of the year, I have died a couple of times this year and I am amazed that I am alive i didn't honestly thought i would make it to the end of this year ( especially in the last 3 months , I badly needed help but i didn't wanted others to pity me so i spoke to none about it ) anyways I don't want to talk about it , i don't want to make it sound blue than it already is,a i am really sorry about the fact all my posts are blue I sincerely wish it wasn't that way( altho i haven't posted anything here with as much as devotion I use to do , partly cuz i created an Instagram acc but that's not all reason I ve been sad nonetheless) and sorry for all the "anon/asks" that i haven't answered

I have made no achievements this year and there is little to no progress towards my self love or self growth, but I think that's okay I can do it in the upcoming year, time flies so quick i can't believe Its been so many years since I was 16 I miss being 16 honestly I had more in me back then than i have now , i have lost of confidence my vision and my smile over the years it's as if I am very different person now , i certainly wish I wasn't this way i really thought i would be so much more and better in my early 20s but it is what it is , acceptance is haredest of all emotions in my opinion , you know things are harder to accept when you know you could have done better .

Just like in the last 2 years even this year I didn't make any real life friends with whom I can hang out with i think it's partly due to the fact some people are destined to be alone and I am afraid to admit I am one of them , I did make 2 online friends this year .

I don't want to share any life lessons i learnt this year but if there is something i would love to share is choose yourself one more time each time you feel it's the last time you are doing it , choose one more time to live,one more time to hope, one more time to have faith , one more time to start again [ the fact I am the one telling you this is rediciculosly funny ] .

Unlike most people i don't have a lot of goals for the new year I just got things i want to avoid ( idk if that's the same thing?) Avoid my leftover heart's heartbreak, avoiding what takes away my peace, avoiding what can cause me discomfort, avoiding things that make me question myself ( in any negative way) ,i think that's a little too much but that's it .

As I was writing this Google photos sent me a notification saying " 3 years back today with a photo of mine " and it broke my heart a little, now I am questioning myself how did i let so much happen to me , I wish I treated certain things as the last time instead of always stupidly believing in future ( my worse trait yes).

There is a lot to say as always, i wonder if I open my mouth i would never stop sharing things that go inside my mind , but i also know there is no use of it if i can't find people who can understand it , maybe that's how I end up ranting here .

Not to mention I love people who are patient, i believe in the near future i would only like to talk with people who could be patient with me and with my silence . I believe everyone deserves people who can be patient with them .

Nothing really matters in the end but at the same time everything you do matters ❤️‍🩹

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

New Year's Day | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Happy New Year('s Eve)! I'm not sure if its NYE where you are or if the clock has already struck midnight. Regardless, have a great 2023! I am hanging out with my parents and I will be kissing no one at midnight. Look out 2023, I'm wild.

Warnings: mention of alcohol, mention of anxiety, idiots in love

"There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me, forevermore"

...

Bucky didn’t like parties. It wasn’t that he hated celebrations, nor was he a “fun crusher” as Tony often called him. He just didn’t like the crowds, the noise. Large social gatherings made him uncomfortable. And he had plenty reason to stay far away from any get-together of more than a handful of people. I

But this party- this was the exception. It was the New Year’s bash, the party of all parties. It was supposed to celebrate the end of the tumultuous twelve months you’d faced, and usher in a- hopefully better- year to come. 

Throngs of people planned to gather in a luxe penthouse in Manhattan and party until sunup. And while that wasn’t usually Bucky’s idea of a good time, he wanted this night to be special.

On more occasions than he could count, you sat out of Tony’s parties because of Bucky. You stayed home while everyone you knew- and many you didn’t- had the time of their lives. And while you never complained, Bucky feared you’d resent him. That you’d get tired of coddling him and his anxiety. 

Not that you’d ever feel that way about him. You stayed home from every party because you wanted to, not out of obligation. You wanted to be with Bucky. And if that meant foregoing a Stark party, you didn’t mind. Even if you went without Bucky, you knew you wouldn’t have any fun. You’d spend the entire night missing him, wishing he was there. Attending Tony’s parties wasn’t worth it unless Bucky was there, too.

With the NYE party looming over him, Bucky decided he needed to attend. He knew you wanted to go. Any time someone mentioned it, you perked up. It was subtle, but Bucky noticed. He knew you were itching to celebrate the new year and party till sunup with the rest of the team. And while just the thought of fireworks and large crowds was enough to make him sweat, he was determined to make it work.

Plus, he wanted to kiss you at midnight. He wanted to ring in the new year with your lips pressed to his. He wanted to stand on the balcony overlooking the city with you- just you- and tell you how he felt about you.

But asking you to be his date proved harder than he expected.

“I think we should go to the party,” he told you one day over lunch. “It sounds fun.” 

A blank stare stole the light from your eyes. You blinked once. Twice. “Okay, wait. I’m sorry- what? Did you just way you wanted to go to a party?” You laughed, “are you on drugs?”

Bucky rolled his eyes at you, “No, I’m not on drugs, doll.” He chucked his balled-up straw wrapper at you and made you squeal. “I wanna go- with you, I mean. I want us to celebrate the fact that we somehow made it through this fucking year alive.”

He wasn’t exaggerating. Between the Flag Smashers, a slew of nightmarish missions, and a nearly fatal run in with a Zola apologist, the past twelve months hadn’t treated either of you with kindness. You’d reached your quota on near-death experiences and stays in the med bay- but you survived. And Bucky wanted to commemorate it. 

He gave you an expectant look, “What do you think? You wanna go together?”

You let out an excited laugh- a scream, really. “Hell yeah, Barnes- Oh, I have to text Wanda!” The clicking of your nails against your screen echoed through the space as you fired off a message to Wanda. “She, Nat, Maria, and Sam are going as a group! I bet we can tag along.”

It sounded fun, but Bucky wanted to smack himself upside the head. Of course, you didn’t realize he intended it to be a date; he never actually said the words. All he said was that you should go together- but the two of you went everywhere together. Based on the way he phrased his statement, this was no different than his request for you to accompany him to Trader Joe’s. 

It would’ve been an easy fix. A quick, “Would you like to be my date?” would surely correct the situation in less than a minute. But Bucky was already in too deep. He’d worked up all his courage and spent it on asking you- incorrectly- to accompany him. And now his tank was empty. And he couldn’t retroactively ask you to be his date now; it would seem like an afterthought. You were never an afterthought.

“Wanda said we can go with them,” you shot Bucky a warm smile. “I’m so happy we’re going!”

“Good. Me too.” He matched your smile, regardless of the anxiety eating away at his insides.

Without warning, you grabbed Bucky’s hand. “I know you’re not really much of a party guy, though, so we’ll just play it by ear, alright? If at any point you wanna leave, that’s totally fine.”

Bucky gave you an overly casual shrug, “Oh, don’t worry about me, doll. I’m-”

“There’s gonna be fireworks…”

Bucky nodded.

“Are you sure you wanna go?” Your eagerness to attend Tony’ party disappeared at you thought about Bucky’s past. You didn’t want him to be uncomfortable- even for a second. “We could get away from the city for the night, instead. Maybe stay at Clint’s cabin?”

Bucky gave your hand a squeeze, “I’ll be okay. I promise. How bad could it be?” The words ‘will you be my date?’ swarmed inside Bucky’s head like a cloud of angry bees; he could barely hear you over the buzzing. Lunch ended without him asking, without you agreeing to be his date. 

Bucky found the answer to his question the moment he stepped into the party. How bad could it be? Bad. 

Hordes of people, loud music, champagne bottles popping at every turn. Cameras flashed left and right. Glitter and confetti littered the floor, making it slick as you walked through the crowd. Bucky was nearly sweating through his suit jacket. Drunk partygoers stumbled into the two of you time and time again. And while Bucky didn’t like being touched by strangers, he wanted to take the brunt. He didn’t want anyone knocking you down or stepping on your feet. 

He was uncomfortable to say the least. Just like he knew he would be. Just like you feared. Part of him wished he’d opted for the cabin getaway you offered at lunch. But you grounded him. Every time you looked at him, every time you laughed at one of his jokes or rested your hand on his arm, his world righted itself. You helped him find solace, peace- even amongst the chaos.

And though he’d seen you dressed up before, this way different. He loved way your shimmering gold dress caught the light. He loved the glittery make up that adorned your skin. You were radiant. Breathtaking. Perfect in every way. Hundreds of people filled the penthouse, but he only saw you. Only you mattered. 

“You good?” you shouted to Bucky over the roar of the crowd.

He nodded. “Why?”

“You’re staring”, you yelled. “I thought I had something in my teeth!” 

Bucky’s head fell back in a laugh that got lost in the noise of the party. He shook his head and brought his lips to your ear, speaking so that only you could hear him. “You just look really beautiful. That’s all.”

A rush of warmth flooded your cheeks. You couldn’t believe someone as perfect as him thought you were beautiful. He looked so good, so unbelievably handsome- it shouldn’t have been allowed. The way his suit fit his body nearly made you salivate. And thought you’d seen him in it before when you helped him pick it out, it still made you weak in the knees. It was the perfect material to compliment the dress you and Wanda selected for you to wear. 

And you knew the fabric would feel incredible as you gripped his lapels and pulled him in for a New Year’s kiss. 

Everything seemed to be going your way for once. Every time you had the chance to tell Bucky how you felt, something sabotaged you. Bucky was always getting phone calls from Fury at the wrong times, and Wanda’s unannounced drop-ins coincided with your confession on more than one occasion. Part of you worried that it was the universe’s way of telling you not to say anything. Maybe he didn’t have feelings for you. Maybe you were better off as friends. 

But you had to try, didn’t you?

“Hey, Buck. I was wondering if-”

Bucky couldn’t focus. He knew you were talking to him, knew that he needed to pay attention. But all he could think about was kissing you. Inhaling you. Making you his. He’d been through enough waking nightmares that nothing scared him anymore- except you. Why was he so nervous? He could run into gunfire and jump out of planes but telling you how he felt flooded his system with fear. 

He couldn’t do this. His brain screamed at him to abort the mission. 

“I’m gonna run- um, I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he suddenly blurted out. “Be back in a minute.”

Before you knew what happened, he dashed through the crowd and disappeared. You stood on the dance floor- alone- with strangers bumping into you every few seconds. This had to be cosmic sabotage; the universe clearly didn’t want you to be with Bucky. But you didn’t care. You’d had just enough liquid courage to give you the tenacity you needed. The universe could get fucked, in your opinion. You balked in the face of fate and destiny and divine intervention and set off in Bucky’s direction.

He leaned over the bathroom counter and splashed cool water on his face. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his tie askew. This was just sad. Pathetic.

He was the Winter fucking Soldier- why was he scared of something so normal? So low stakes? People did this every day; they kissed the people they loved. But to him, this wasn’t normal. And the stakes had never been higher. He never thought he’d find such a great friend- and definitely never thought he’d fall so deeply in love with her. 

He wasn’t prepared for it, didn’t know how to handle these feelings. And if his confession of love or his request for a midnight kiss scared you away, he’d never forgive himself. There were plenty of reasons for you not to want Bucky romantically, so many that he couldn’t even list them all. And of course, you’d let him down gently. You’d be kind about it and would never make him feel bad. But he knew it would change your dynamic forever, and he didn’t know if he could stomach that reality. He couldn’t let you become a stranger.

Partygoers eyed you as you searched high and low for Bucky. They gave you weird looks and whispered about you as you called out his name. They must’ve thought you were an obsessed ex or a crazy fangirl- some of them probably wondered why you were allowed into the party. But you didn’t give a fuck. You were going to find Bucky if it was the last thing you did. 

Things got quieter as you moved farther from the massive crowd. Soft music played, you spotted Tony and Pepper sweet talking one another in a quiet corner. Finally, you could hear yourself think. But it was 11:58, and this penthouse was bigger that your childhood home. There was no way you were going to be able to find Bucky in time.

But you weren’t going to give up. As you rounded the corner down a long hallway, a wall of muscle bumped into you. Its mass nearly sent you crashing to the floor, until an arm wound around your waist. “Oh, shit- sweetheart, I’m sorry.” Bucky saved you from falling and pulled you close to his body. “Are you alright?”

There was no time for small talk or pleasantries, you had a mission- and your time to accomplish it was running out. “Buck, would you be my New Year’s kiss?”

Bucky stared at you, “What?”

“There’s like-” you checked your phone, “there’s like less than two minutes till the ball drops and I- do you want to kiss me at midnight? Yes or no?”

Bucky gave you a smile and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Doll, you’re drunk-”

“I’m not. We both know I’m not.” He was trying to get out of it- to find an excuse, wasn’t he? Embarrassment flared inside your chest. 

Bucky could’ve suffocated in the tension. His heartbeat pounded so loud in his ears it drowned out the music. The raucous crowd.

“It feels embarrassing to ask a third time, but you haven’t technically answered, so-”

“Yes,” Bucky nodded. He gave the area a cursory glance and found it less enchanting than he would’ve liked for such an important moment. “But, don’t you wanna go back to the party and see the ball drop? Or stand on the balcony to watch the fireworks?”

“No. I wanna be here. With you.”

The crowd began their countdown.

“FIVE…”

And all Bucky could do was stare at you.

“FOUR…”

He hated that he ran away, that he lost his nerve.

“THREE…”

But here you were. 

“TWO…”

Because you wanted him just as much as he wanted you.

“ONE…”

And he was going to get his wish

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

People cheered, music blared, fireworks exploded. But neither of you noticed

Bucky took your face in his hands and brought your lips to his. It was the kiss you’d always dreamed of. The one you waited your entire life for. Your mom always said that when you found the right person, you’d know just by kissing them. And while you’d known Bucky was your person since you met him, this just confirmed it. 

Kissing him stole your breath- but gave you life at the same time. Was it possible that you’d been holding your breath your entire life, just waiting for this moment?

An intense warmth filled your every cell and lightning struck in your chest. You melted. He knew exactly what you wanted and gave it to you without hesitation. And just as you suspected, the fabric of his lapels felt incredible in your hands as you tried to pull him closer. But there was no ‘closer’. Any closer, and the two of you would become one.

Bucky could’ve died right then. If this was what awaited him over the past hundred years, he was glad he lived so long. You were worth it- all the pain and suffering and sadness. You were worth all of it. 

When you finally pulled away, no one spoke; you weren’t sure you remembered how to. And Bucky was too lost in the taste of your lips to conjure words. It didn’t matter that you were in a random hallway or that several hundred people were screaming Don’t Stop Believin’ just a few rooms away. This was private. Intimate. Just you and Bucky. As it always should’ve been.

“NEW YEARS SHOTS!” Nat yelled as she and Sam barreled into you, knocking you further into Bucky’s grasp. “We’re all doing shots! Happy fucking new year!”

You eyed Bucky, “Um… that’s okay, Nat. I think we’re just gonna-”

Nat put you in an arm bar and marched you toward the alcohol. “If you don’t do a New Year’s shot, it’s bad luck! You wanna end up dead at the bottom of a cliff or something?” She pushed you in the direction of the bar, separating you from Bucky.

Sam nudged Bucky with his shoulder and motioned for him to wipe your lipstick off his face. 

“Finally kissed her, huh?”

Bucky nodded.

“Can’t believe it took you that long- you’ve been making googly eyes at her forever-”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “alright, alright. I haven’t been ‘making googly eyes.’”

Sam gave a laugh that echoed down the hall, “yes you have, Barnes, stop lying to yourself. They pop out of your skull every time you look at her.”

Bucky gave Sam a very shiny middle finger.

The party wound down with you managing to get away with taking only one shot. Getting drunk didn’t seem like the best idea, not when a very important conversation with Bucky loomed on the horizon.

He stayed close to you for the remainder of the party, staring at you like you hung the moon. He craved the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin. Part of him feared that this was all a dream, that he’d wake up on the floor of his shitty apartment. Alone. Missing you. 

But no matter how many times he pinched himself, things remained the same. 

The DJ packed up and went home. Most of the partygoers flooded through the lobby and into taxis. Only the team remained. Tony, Nat, and Maria drank and laughed. Wanda taught Sam her “rave hands” as he often called them. And you rested on the couch, leaning against Bucky. 

“Hey… doll, you still with me?” he gave your hand a squeeze and roused you from your slumber. “You wanna just stay here tonight? Stark said there’s a bunch of empty rooms.”

You blinked your eyes clear and gave your head a shake. “What? No, I’m good. I’m fine. You forced a smile and struggled to get your eyes to focus, “Not even tired.”

Bucky laughed, “You were literally just asleep on my arm.”

“I was not,” you said. “I can hang!”

Bucky gave you an affectionate eyeroll and laughed at your protests. You absolutely could not ‘hang’, especially not with Tony, Nat, Sam, and Wanda. They were the partiers of the group. You, on the other hand, were a lightweight. 

“Well, I cannot hang,” Bucky yawned. He knew just how to get to you, “So I was just gonna sleep here. But, by all means, you stay up with the crazies. I’ll see you-”

“Oh, well in that case…” Spending the night with Bucky sounded like the perfect way to start the new year. “Yeah, I’ll just sleep here, too.”

A quiet laugh rumbled out of Bucky’s chest as he helped you from the couch. He wound an arm around you and pulled you into his side with a quiet “come on”. And the two of you took a stroll through the penthouse. Bucky ensured you didn’t fall when your heel caught the lip of a marble stair, and he kept you upright when exhaustion tried to pull you down. 

He made you feel safe. Taken care of. Protected. 

“Here we go,” Bucky flipped on the light of a lavish bedroom and motioned for you to enter first. 

You flopped on the bed with a loud sigh and allowed Bucky to help you free your feet from your uncomfortable shoes. Everything after was a blur, as though laying down for a split second turned your brain off completely. 

Bucky helped you under the covers and made sure you were cozy. He placed your phone on a charger. And when he was sure you were settled, he pressed a goodnight kiss to your forehead. While he wanted to climb in bed with you, he wasn’t sure it was right. Yes, he’d shared a bed with you a few times. But that was before he kissed you.

He decided that sleeping elsewhere was his best bet. It guaranteed that you’d feel safe and comfortable when you woke the next morning. But as he turned to leave, you hand exploded from beneath the sheets and snatched at his wrist.

“Where’reyougoin?” You words were clumsy and tired, but Bucky understood. 

He rested a hand on yours before gently removing it from his wrist. He tucked it back under the covers with the utmost care, and left another kiss on your forehead. “I was just- I was gonna find another room…”

This woke you. Suddenly, your eyes flew open. You were fully alert. Almost alarmed. You wanted Bucky by your side- always. And he’d already kissed you, what difference did sharing a bed make?

“Would you stay, Buck? Please?”

“Of course, doll. If that’s what you want”. He ran a hand through his hair, “But, are you sure? You’ve been drinking, and I-”

“I had a total of three drinks over the course of like…” you struggled to do the math in your foggy, tired brain. “Um, like, six hours. I’m not even near drunk. I’m just tired.” Once again, your hand escaped the covers and made a grab for Bucky’s arm. You gave his sleeve a gentle tug, “No pressure if you don’t wanna sleep in here with me. But if you want to, I’d be more than okay with that.”

Bucky’s heart leapt into his throat. This was all he wanted. While your kiss at midnight was, indeed, incredible, he didn’t crave moments like that. He wasn’t after the sensational. He wanted quiet, vulnerable intimacy with you. He wanted to hold you when you’d had a rough day. To share a bed with you every night. 

And at your invitation, he joined you.

He shed his jacket, tie, shoes, and belt, and climbed into bed. Normally, he slept in just underwear. But stripping down to his briefs felt like the wrong move. He’d sleep in his dress pants and his button down- no matter how uncomfortable it was- just to make sure you felt safe.

You wriggled in your dress and tried to get comfortable. It was tight in all the wrong places, the fabric itched. But you couldn’t shimmy out of your dress and sleep in just your underwear- not when you weren’t even sure how Bucky felt about you. He’d planned to sleep in another room, and it took him three tries to agree to kiss you. Maybe he didn’t like you that way. And if that were the case, keeping your clothes on was the least you could do.

“Goodnight, Barnes,” you yawned.

“Goodnight, Doll.”

“Yo, checkout in ten,” Tony called from the hallway. “Get up and get out.”

Bucky woke with a start, nearly headbutting you. Your face rested inches from his. His metal arm draped over your side. Your hands laid on his chest. 

He couldn’t wake you- not yet. He needed to drink in the moment. You slept peacefully, your hair messy and your make up smudged. This was what he’d always dreamed of, what he feared he’d never get. But here you were. And you were prefect. 

“Hey, sweetheart…” Bucky swept a thumb over your cheek a few times, “we gotta head out.”

Against your will, you stirred. It was too early, and you were far too tired. You snuggled closer to Bucky, nearly bringing your lips to his.

He ran a hand up and down your spine and tried again, “Doll, we gotta get up.”

With a groan, you pried your eyes open. But seeing Bucky first thing in the morning perked you up better than coffee.

 “Good morning, Barnes.”

“Good morning, doll…”

He wanted to kiss you- but a sudden epiphany hit him like a train. What if that kiss was a one-time thing? What if you just wanted him for New Years- nothing more? The thought pulled Bucky from your side. He shrunk away and slipped out of bed. If he was never going to kiss you again, he needed to escape the intimacy you shared. It was a method of protection, of self-preservation. Otherwise, he’d drown in his longing for you.

“Stark said we have to be out in ten minutes, so…”

It was odd, the way he snaked out of bed so quickly after you woke. No good morning kiss. No soft touches. Nothing. But apparently, there was a ticking clock. The two of you had ten minutes to get out of the luxurious penthouse and rejoin the real world. And though you would’ve preferred a nice, slow morning with Bucky, you had a time limit. 

You wriggled out of bed and took inventory or your appearance. Your dress was completely cockeyed and crooked from a night of sleep. Your hair was a mess. And your aching feet were covered in red spots and blisters. 

“Not to be that girl, but I’m not putting these things back on,” you said to Bucky, taking your shoes in your hand. “Walk of shame vibes for me today.”

Bucky gave you a quiet laugh as he righted his shirt and put on his belt. Something about him seemed off. He was quieter than usual, not as warm. Clearly, he regretted the kiss, and now he felt uncomfortable around you. You kicked yourself for jeopardizing what you had with him. Why did you have to be greedy? Why did you have to ask for more? Things were good as they were- great, even. And yet, you couldn’t resist screwing them up.

A dull ache pulsed behind your eyes. You were exhausted, hungry, and definitely dehydrated. You dug into your purse in search of advil, but a memento from the night before distracted you. You’d slipped it into your purse and forgotten all about it. Until now.

Bucky caught you smiling down at your bag, “What are you looking at?”

“Oh, um…” your cheeks grew warm with embarrassment. It was too late to come up with a lie- Bucky saw the smitten look on your face. “It’s just this. Here…” You reached over the bed and dropped a polaroid on the sheets in front of him. “Wanda took it last night.”

It was a picture of the two of you; Bucky staring at you with an adoring smile while you threw your head back in laughter. It was the perfect encapsulation of your relationship. Bucky wished he had a copy of his own. He’d take it home, put it in a frame. He wanted more- more photos with you. More moments like this.

He stared down at it, letting the frozen moment in time wash over him. And then- “Why did you kiss me?” It was abrupt. And awkward. Bucky regretted it the moment the words came out of his mouth. But he needed to know.

“What? Oh, did you not want me to?” Regret pooled in your chest. Had you violated him? Coerced him into kissing you when he didn’t want to? 

“No, I- I wanted you to.” Was he really going to do this now when you were both exhausted and still wearing the previous night’s clothes? His talent for finding terrible timing truly was impressive. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. A really long time.”

“Oh,” your stomach did a backflip. “Okay, well-”

“I just need to know why you kissed me,” Bucky said. His words picked up in pace, his hand developed a slight tremor. He was nervous, really nervous. “Did it mean something to you? Or was it just a New Year’s thing? If it was just because you wanted to kiss someone at midnight, I get it. And that’s totally fine. I just-”

“It wasn’t just a New Year’s thing.”

The two of you stared at each other from across the bed. But it felt like he was miles away. Slowly, you took a few steps in his direction. “I mean, yeah, I wanted to kiss you at midnight- but I mean, I wanna kiss you all the time.“

Bucky’s heart stopped.

“Buck, I’ve wanted you- wanted to be with you- ever since we met. I want to be yours. I want to kiss you- not just at midnight. Not just on New Years.” You took another cautious step, careful not to spook him. “I just didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“You can’t scare me off."

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach. "Oh. Well, good. Cause I think we're pretty fucking great together."

Bucky couldn't disagree. You brought out the best in each other. You cared for each other. Bucky trusted you more than he trusted anyone else, and you felt the same. The connection you shared couldn't be broken or damaged.

But Bucky couldn't escape the doubt that chipped away at his resolve. You'd spent a perfect night together and woke up tangled in each other's arms. Surely, you were just letting the previous night's festivities get to you. Influence you.

"You know, I think we should just talk about this another time- tomorrow maybe?" Bucky said. "We're both tired- and I don't want you to say anything you might regret-"

"No. I love you." Your words were steady. Even. No sign of uncertainty or question. "I know what I'm saying. I won't regret it-"

"Doll-"

Bucky didn't want to stop you; he'd dreamt of hearing you say these things since you met. But he needed you to take pause. He needed you to be sure. If you were still under the influence of the perfect night you shared, it would be easy to let those feelings cloud your judgement. He knew he couldn't handle it if, in a few days, you revoked everything you said.

"Buck, listen to me: I've known for a long time that I love you. But every time I try to tell you, something gets in the way. For a while, I thought it was the universe trying to tell me that we're not supposed to be together, but-"

"Fuck the universe."

Bucky closed the gap between your bodies and pressed his lips to yours. His hands grasped your waist, tangled in your hair. It was desperate and hungry and left you seeing stars.

He pulled away and stared at you. Watched you catch your breath. He kicked himself for trying to stop you, for doubting you.

“I didn’t mean to run from you last night," Bucky said. The words tumbled out of his mouth faster than he intended. "But, I panicked- I promised myself I'd ask you to be my date to the party and that we'd kiss at midnight. And I swore I'd finally tell you that I love you...”

Finally, he said the words. You breathed a sigh of relief and felt the knot in your stomach untangle itself. "You love me, huh?"

He nodded. "A lot. But I let the party get to me. I wasn't exactly comfortable with all the people and the noise and- I lost my nerve."

You took his face in your hands and brought his forehead to yours. "Hey, that's okay. I wasn't going down without a fight, anyway." You thought back on the night before, on the ridiculous way you'd run through the party in search of Bucky. "I chased after you like a madwoman. People probably thought I was a crazy stalker or something."

Bucky laughed and pulled you tight to his body, “well, thanks for looking crazy just for me, doll.”

"Any time, Buck. Happy New Year."

He pulled you in for another kiss, knowing that there would be many more to come this year. More sleepovers. More photos. More moments spent wrapped in one another.

"Happy New Year, baby"

————————————

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[makeitastrength]

Into the dark

Chapter 2

Tim’s eyes widen in surprise as a shudder runs through his entire body, the familiar calm voice of Rosalind Dyer making his skin crawl. “Alert anyone that I'm on the phone and Lucy dies.”

He raises a finger to his lips to silence Angela, then quietly puts the phone on speaker and holds it out in front of him.

“Let her go.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Rosalind drawls.

“Take me instead,” Tim offers immediately, ignoring Angela’s silent reaction.

“Oh, I intend to,” Rosalind replies. “Though I was expecting to have to work harder for it. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You always have been her fierce protector."

He clenches his fist, forcing himself not to take the bait.

"It’s more than that, though, isn’t it?” she muses after a long pause. “It has been for a while.”

“I’m not here to play games,” Tim retorts, pointedly disregarding Angela’s knowing stare. “Let her go.”

“You know that’s not how it works,” she chastises gently. “The only way Lucy survives is a trade. Hand yourself over to me, and she goes free.”

“How do I know she’s still alive?” he asks.

“It’s eating at you, isn’t it?” Rosalind replies, and he feels his frustration mount at her non-answer to his question. “Knowing you weren’t there when it happened. Wondering if you could’ve kept her safe. Maybe you’re not such a fierce protector after all.”

“I’m not handing myself over until I know she’s alive,” Tim repeats, unwilling to allow himself to be manipulated by her taunting.

“Then again, maybe she doesn’t need you,” Rosalind continues, unfazed. “She always has been such a fighter. So stubborn and defiant. It’s inspiring, actually, watching her fight the panic as the water level rises.”

Angela scarcely manages to cover her mouth and stifle her gasp of surprise at this revelation. Tim, meanwhile, feels a wave of horror overtake him.

“What do you…?” he begins, but he’s interrupted by the dinging of his phone as a message notification slides onto his screen. He opens it immediately and finds an attached livestream of Lucy. He can see water pouring out of a pipe at the bottom of some kind of metal tank, already up to her knees, and he knows at that rate of flow they don’t have much time before the tank is full. She has her hand pressed against her left side, and he can see that she's attempting to breathe deeply and remain calm, but he recognizes the undeniable panic in her eyes.

“Happy now?” Rosalind asks.

“Tell me where you are,” he demands.

“Come alone,” she negotiates. “No backup, or Lucy dies.”

“Fine.”

“I’ll text you the address,” Rosalind says. And then the line goes dead.

Read the rest on AO3

[bluetooththereptile]

Unwanted embrace (part 4)

Yandere batfamily x neglected reader

(Gif by unknown)

( English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in the following text.)

(This fic is continuation of this post)

Note: here's the promised part 4!

Tw: Mentions of past weightloss, injuries, and death

"Y-you know doing something reckless makes your situation worse right?" The taxi driver studdered as he drove as fast he could, his hands trembling as he tried to make the wheel remain steady. He looked at the mirror, watching the person in a large hoodie that had pointed a knife to his side for the 10th time since the time they had jumped into his car, not knowing why he had gotten into that situation. He was just vibing with the music on the radio when suddenly the door of his car was opened with brutal force and a hunched, wet figure shoved themselves into the backseat and pointed a knife towards his face, their face covered by a scarf.

"Look straight dumbass!" You hissed, not believing your voice. The once energetic voice had lost its power and seemed more like a ghost's. Your heartbeat was so fast that you thought that poor piece of meat was going to leap out of your throat and end your misery. "W-where do you want to go?" The driver asked "Robert Kane Bridge..." you said as you pushed the knife to his coat harder, making him gasp in shock as he quickened the speed of the car. He had seen the dried blood on your hands you were dangerous and he didn't want to lose his life so he rode in the heavy rain.

The silence was interrupted by the sound of rain on the windows and the driver's quick breaths, but you were too busy processing the last few hours that you didn't bother noticing them. You had escaped! You reminded yourself, but your mind couldn't believe it. You were miles away from that damned manor, away from your glass cage in the Batcave, away from the clutches of your family! But still, your stomach clenched in worry, you knew they were after you, even Dick's state couldn't stop them.

Remembering Dick you looked down at your hands, they were red with blood, just like the knife you had managed to steal from Jayson. You still could feel his hot breaths on your wet cheeks as he panted, gritting his teeth as you shoved the knife deeper into his body. It was his fault, he shouldn't have tried to startle you when you were fleeing the Manor, he should have stayed in that damned cave! His voice echoed in your mind as you gulped.

"Such a c-caring sibling you are! You don't want me dead even now huh?" That delusional bastard chuckled as he dropped to the floor with his hand on his side. You had stabbed him in a place that had less chance of death, he could survive till the ambulance would arrive, the alarms in the Batcave were already on so they were on the way already. You came back to reality when the coldness of your saggy wet clothes got to you, making you tremble.

You looked at your reflection in the car's mirror, you couldn't recognize those eyes, terrified and hollow, you had turned into something you hated the most; a criminal. But it was your family's fault! If that had let you go away, none of that would've happened! If they had just let you go on with your own life ignoring you like the rest of your life, none of that would have happened! Your skinny fingers clenched around the knife handle, already getting tired, how come you had become so weak? You thought to yourself, only to be reminded of your state, you had lost 60 pounds since the time you were captured,  your whole muscle mass had shrunk away, and the only thing that kept you alive was the rush of adrenaline in your body.

"What the hell is that?" The driver asked, panicked by the loud sound of a powerful engine, making you panic as well. You knew that sound very well. Soon the huge shadow of the batmobile appeared on the other side of the street. "Drive faster you idiot!" You screamed, body shaking like you were hit by an electric shock. The driver opened his mouth to tell you he couldn't go faster or he was going to lose his control on the wheel when several hooks jabbed their way into the car's side, tilting it, the driver turned the wheel, to get away from whatever that was pulling on the car. You wanted to applause for the guy's bravery, but your mind was distracted by the fact that he lost control of the wheel, and the car moved on its own, falling to the side.

Your forehead bumped into the window and a piece of glass cut it open, but it was not going to stop you, the rush of adrenaline was still keeping you away from giving in. You poked your head out of the broken window, it was hard to see in the dark when it was raining, but you could see the large silhouettes of Red hood and batman as they came off of the vehicle. If you thought you were screwed when you had punched Tim in the face to get a chance of getting away from your cage, now it was tripled as the two giants walked toward the car.

You wiggled your way out of the car, running to the Bridge that was a hundred feet away. You could hear Jason's hard boots smack to the ground as he ran after you, making you gasp in fear, your body not being able to breathe properly because of the scarf on your face, you pulled it off as you tried to run faster, panting as you tried to keep your steps steady. You didn't know how, but you reached the bridge, it was empty at that time, that was why you had chosen to go there in the first place. Now reaching your destination you turned around with your knife in hand.

But your face was greeted with Jason's hard punch that made you nearly fall onto the floor, you stabbed his helmet with the knife as you tried to get away from him, who growled your name over and over as he tried to pull the knife off of his helmet. You were given a second chance, so you got up as fast as you could, walking to the edge of the bridge. "Y/N!" Bruce's shouting didn't stop you, you could hear him get closer, so you turned around to give him a victorious grin before you jumped off the bridge, falling into the water.

Your fragile body fell into the water, but you didn't struggle, you had lost all of your energy to even try to stop the suffocating feeling of being choked by water. Your body temperature fell quickly, and before you could go a few feet deep in, you were nearly unconscious. You couldn't feel but Bruce had jumped into the water as well, reaching out to you, pulling your body to the surface. "Y/N!" He desperately said as he watched eyelids open slightly, slapping your face to make you come back to reality, but your body had decided to fail him, and you grew limp in his arms.

When Bruce came out of the water, he was silent, holding your body tightly against his chest. Jason was there waiting for him, but he didn't ask any questions, he knew what had happened. "Call Ra's..." Bruce said as he wrapped his cape around your lifeless body, and Jason didn't question him, which was unusual. He knew what was going to happen but he didn't want to lose the chance of having you back, for any price, even if it meant losing your sanity.

[fangsyouverymuch01]

If walls could talk

This is part 1, and part 2 is already up. Here is the LINK!

Summery: You awake from the crash, no memories of the life before. Not even a name to guide you in the right direction. However, there are two thing you do know. 1. You can handle a blade. 2. There is a strangely familiar voice echoing in your skull. With your newfound companions at your side, could anything possibly go wrong in your search for a cure and answers?

Note: Hi, I'm really nervous about posting again :)) but a certain game has me feeling horny. This is chapter one out of ??? and I really only did this for myself but decided that other might like it as well.

Ship: Astarion x tav, Astarion x durge

Words: 1, 3 k

Warnings: Blood, handsome vampire :), eventually smut, death

PS! I have not gone through this text so sorry for any misspellings.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m alive….? “

Normally that wouldn’t be a question, but then again, nothing was normal about any of this. How the hells were you on a mindflayer ship? How did any of this happen? Pinching the bridge of your nose, you try to recall the events leading up to your abduction. 

Nothing. A blank space.

Snapping out of your train of thought, you feel a breeze followed by slamming waves. To your confusion, the breeze smelt of burning. Whipping your head parallel to the stirring water, there it was -  the nautiloid. Your heartbeat quickens as you search for your dagger. To your dismay, the holster is empty. 

“Hells.” slips from your lips as you scan your surroundings for that damn dagger. 

Pressed against the sand, you agilely seek cover in the nearby rock formation. The cover provides insight into the burning crash site, where squirming and screeching can be heard. You are not the only one miraculously surviving this crash it seems. 

“Get out of my head!” a woman shouts.

The voice is familiar, if not identical to the woman's voice trapped in the pod from the nautiloid. A conflict within bubbles, your chance of survival significantly increases if you intervene, However, can she be trusted? Time is not on your side, a decision must be made. Cursing again, you grab a rock and head towards the ship. The woman is clutching her head, brows furrowed and sweat coating her forehead. Before her is the thing - slimy and lilac with starving glowing eyes pressed into hers, demanding her to comply. Charging forward, you slam the rock into the mind flayers pulsing brain. Black ooze gushes from its head, decorating you and the woman entirely. A sense of euphoria washes over you as the creature's blood trickles down its neck. A wonderful sight indeed. Pulling you out of your trancelike state, the woman before you speaks.

“You again?” the woman asks as she rises from her knees, still keeping her distance.

“Not the thank you I anticipated, but I’ll take it.” you reply. 

“My apologies, I only thought you…” she pauses, deciding her next words. “ I thought I was the sole survivor but I’m glad to be proven wrong.”

The woman reaches forward, extending her hand. You reciprocate the gesture.

“I’m Shadowheart.” she says and gives you a quick smile.

“I’m…” you search for a name, but it’s fruitless. “I’m actually not sure what my name is.” you reply, eyes bouncing as if trying to conjure up a memory from before the crash.

“Well, no worries, I'm sure you’ll remember soon.” Shadowheart offers. 

"You're probably right, I must’ve hit my head harder than I thought.” you awkwardly chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. 

The two of you stand in silence but soon enough, another voice catches your attention. This time a male, urging you to seek him out. Shadowheart shoots you a discreet look, questioning if you should follow it or not. Against your better judgment, your more charitable side guides you towards the pleading. Stepping outside the ship, a man can be seen at the edge of the cliffside. Soft white curls drape along his head, pointy ears poking through the mop of hair. 

“Quickly, I’ve got one of those things cornered up here!”. the man hastes.

Approaching, you tiptoe the edge to get a better look. Squinting your eyes, trying to direct your focus, your feet are swept from underneath you. Simultaneously, a hand grips your shoulder blades to soften the impact. Crashing to the ground, your mind goes blank, hands clutching for the long gone dagger. 

Gods damn it.

The cool blade is pressed against your throat, ever so slightly moving as the veins pump beneath your flesh. Again that feeling returns, euphoria. Your arms fall to their sides, legs go limp -  embracing your state fully.  A foreign voice echoes, repeating the word salvation.

“Far too easy, I like a little restraint darling.” the man starts. “Now, tell me what you two did on the ship.”. His flirtatious tone was now dipped in poison. 

Shadowheart clutched her mace, taking a step forward before speaking.

“I need her alive, step away or I will take matters into my own hands.” she firmly said.

“A feisty one.” the man snapped.

His face is mere inches from you, a whiff of bergamot reaches your nostrils that pulls you out of your trance. Crimson eyes restraint your gaze from faltering. How utterly pretty you think to yourself. Were you not in this peculiar situation, you would’ve gladly kept staring into the warm pools of ruby red. 

An energy pulls the three of you into a throbbing headache, muffling the crashing waves below and dulling the red eyes before yours. An understanding is established, like you and Shadowheart, he too, is infected with a tadpole wriggling in his cortex. The blade is skillfully swept from your neck and the two of you rise from the ground. 

“Well, my apologies dear, I thought you were the reason that I’m stranded at this awful beach with a worm in my head.”.

“I’m starting to think my generosity has reached its quota for today.”.

Reaching from behind your back, you twirl your newfound dagger in your hand, taunting him. A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth. It was too easy not to borrow it, especially since he had no problem using his tricks on you.

"This will be payment enough for being the second one today to use my skull as a play thing."

“What in the hells..” the man frantically reaches for his dagger, but soon realization hits and he offers you a smirk. 

“What’s your name rouge?” you ask, eyes focusing on the edge of the dagger.

“Give me my dagger and then we’ll talk.” 

Unfazed by his words you begin testing the daggers’ weight, rhythmically shifting your weight to move with the blade. A fine blade indeed you conclude. In a swift motion, his hand connects with your wrist. Flipping the handle forward in your grasp, you aim at your clutched wrist, threatening to puncture his pale skin. A victorious grin spreads on your lips but is challenged by a cool sting in your abdomen. Another dagger. 

That piece of shi-.

“Touche.” he smirks.

“Your name, I will not ask again.” you spit back.

“Astarion.” he smiles as he shifts his gaze from one of your eyes to the other. “And yours?” he continuous.

Gods, he truly was the most beautiful man you ever saw. If only he weren't such a prick.

“I-.. I don't remember” you stutter as annoyance is mixed with your piqued interest in the pretty man.

The two of you stand intertwined, daggers pressed against each other's flesh.. His bergamot scent dancing in the breeze, garnet eyes looming over your being and that stupid smirk plastered on his lips.  You notice the vicinity between your bodies and are reminded by the closeness of it all. It’s all so intimate. A flush spreads through your heaving chest and reddens your cheeks. 

“Both of you stop it, we need to locate a healer. I’m sure there’s one in Baldurs Gate..”

At that you allow Astarion to grab his dagger, and he does but not before lingering on your face for a second longer than needed. His gaze is scrutinizing and the already apparent blush deepens in color. He sees through you and he knows it. 

Does he see more than you know yourself?

“This has been a pleasure, but I’m afraid this is where we part ways.” he pauses and continues by nodding in your direction.”I don't trust rouges.”.

“Good thing I’m not one then.” you interject. 

He smiles again.

“Full of surprises aren't you?” 

“And I thought this day couldn’t get worse..” Shadowheart mutters under her breath, earning a chuckle from Astarion.

Shadowheart cuts the atmosphere by grabbing your hand and disapprovingly shakes her head, pulling you towards a grassier area and a road up ahead. The road is mixed with an array of stones and sand. An almost too perfect road, manmade one might say. A village must be nearby. Having calmed down, Shadowheart gestures Astarion to follow you both. The man complies, picking up his pace and the three of you venture forth.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[sleepybabybees]

Some more ft kortac and Los vaqueros (Farah and Alex too-)

Alejandro : Who the fuck-

Rodolfo : Language!

Alejandro : Whom the fuck-

Rodolfo : No.

----------

Alejandro : This bloodline ends with me.

Rodolfo : That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

-----------

Rodolfo : You’ve got to learn to love yourself.

Alejandro : But don't you hate yourself.

Rodolfo : Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

-----------

Alejandro : Look, I’m glad everyone’s on the same page.

Alejandro : But it’s the last page in a book titled “we’re all going to die”.

Rodolfo : That’s not even clever.

----------

Alejandro : BE A BETTER PERSON!

Rodolfo : WHY?!

Alejandro : BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

---------

Alejandro , throwing his head into Rodolfo 's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Rodolfo , lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

---------

Farah: What? I'm not aggressive!

Alex: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Farah: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

---------

Alex: Who's in charge here?

Farah, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

--------

Farah, texting: Alex, will you please go to sleep?

Alex, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?

Farah, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!

Farah, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?

Alex, texting: I’m trying

Farah, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH

Farah, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

-----------

Alex: Do you love me?

Farah: We’re literally married.

Alex: Yeah, but as friends or—

-----------

Horangi: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks!

Konig: Why would I do that?

Horangi: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!

---------

Soap: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.

Ghost: What did you do, soap?

Soap: a Mistake.

-------------

Gaz: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Roach: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Gaz: Yes.

Roach: I'd sleep.

-------------

Price: Wow, I feel happy and I’m having so much fun!

Price:

Price: *narrows eyes* Something’s wrong here.

--------------

Price: The dinosaurs didn’t rule the earth they were just alive. Stop giving them credit for administration skills they didn’t have.

---------------

Ghost: I don’t think our death ray is working. I’m standing right in it, and I’m not dead yet.

----------------

Farah: I ran into Alex in the kitchen at 1 AM last night and when I asked him what he was doing, he just shrugged, said “these are my roaming hours,” and wandered off, strumming vaguely on a guitar...

-----------------

Soap: I’m gonna kill you.

Ghost: Get in line!

------------------

Farah: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.

Alex: Only if you also don't ask why.

Alex: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of his bag*

Farah: ...

Farah, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

-------------

Alex: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?

Soap: Not by the law!

--------------

Ghost: I have an idea.

Alex: A good idea?

Ghost: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

-------------

Farah: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?

Alex: Okay.

*later*

Ghost: Alex! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.

Farah, whispering: Deny everything.

Alex, loudly: That isn't a chair.

---------------

*While the Squad is in a battle*

Alex, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

Soap: Take it back now y'all!

---------------

Gaz: I told Roach that their ears turn red when they lie.

Price: Do they?

Gaz: No.

Price: Then why did you tell them that?

Gaz: Because I can do this.

Gaz: Hey Roach! Do you love us?

Roach, with their hands over their ears: No.

--------------

Roach: What have I done wrong?!

Ghost: Everything. For your entire life.

--------------

Soap: Hey! Wanna hear a joke?

Roach: Sure.

Soap: Your life!

Roach: Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning.

Soap: Roach, no.

-----------------

Horangi: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Konig: How can you still say that?

Horangi: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

----------

Konig: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Horangi: It was autocorrect.

Konig: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Horangi: Yes.

-----------

Horangi, texting Konig: Konig there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Horangi: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry

Horangi: Konig

Horangi: Konig

Konig: Konig is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

[lfghughes]

hii can you write something with matthew tkachuk where the reader is a rockstar and she’s going on tour and it’s really hard for the both of them so he surprises her at a show??

a/n: loved this request, thank you so much for sending it in. he would also def be the kind of boyfriend to do surprises like this

It was hard enough working around Matthews schedule when you were home because he had a hectic schedule for his games and practices. But now that you were on tour it was fifty times harder. There were plenty of missed calls. A lot of ‘I’ll call you after the game or show’ just for the other person to fall asleep before you’d be able to talk. Right now both of you were doing horrible at this whole thing and you had to admit that you were pretty upset about it.

You knew it wasn’t his fault or well if there was a fault that it was shared between the two of you. There was just a lot of worry there because what if he decided this wasn’t worth it. It’s not like your schedule was going to change any time soon and what if he decided he would rather have someone who could be around more often. Someone who would be home waiting for him after every game. Those thoughts scared you and haunted you every time before you went to bed.

No answer once again. You tried to call Matthew before your show but he didn’t pick up. He had barely texted today too so this didn’t really help your fear that was already in place. You couldn’t let yourself thing about it too much though because you had to start getting ready for your show. You put yourself into a different mindset, distracting yourself with your work was always the solution lately.

A part of you still hoped that before you got on the stage that a text or something from Matthew would show up on your phone. Even just a small text just telling you he was busy and that’s why he couldn’t pick up but nothing. Just silence on his end. Time to focus on work then. You shook off the nerves you were feeling as you stepped out onto the stage. Once you were out there doing your thing, your problems started to slip away. Even though they would come back after the show, right now you felt alive and that everything was good.

You were a good amount into the show when your attention moved to the front row. You froze from where you were standing as your eyes landed on Matthew. No way. How was he even here? How did he manage to get here without you knowing? The smirk on his lips showed just how happy he was that he managed to surprise you. “Sorry guys, my boyfriend is in the front row. We haven’t seen each other in almost a month.” You definitely felt a wave of emotions take over you.

The security helped him get through and up onto the stage, his arms wrapping around you as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. “I missed you.” He whispered into your ear and you just held onto him. “I’m gonna go sit backstage, you do your thing. I’ll be here for the next day and a half.” Your heart definitely just grew two sizes at that. You continued on with the rest of the show and you were happy that Matthew got to see you in action tonight. But you were definitely happy when the show ended because now you got some boyfriend time.

“This is why you didn’t pick up your phone.” You playfully hit him and he just smiled “It was the hardest thing for me to do because I wanted to talk to you so bad but if you saw me at an airport you’d know something was off.” That was true but you could have never imagined him flying all the way out here to see you. “I can’t wait to snuggle up with you in bed.” You admitted to him because that was definitely one of the harder parts about being on tour. This was also a reminder that yes it was hard being apart but that both of you were in it and trying. If anyone could survive these chaotic schedules it was the two of you.

[copaganda-clobberfest]

WELCOME

TO THE FIRST ROUND OF THE COPAGANDA CLOBBERFEST!

“You know that trope? That one trope *Everyone* hates? The trope in which a well meaning antagonist to our heroes, one looking out for the good of a certain community, suddenly does something horrible and drastic to make not only them, but the ideology they stand for the most villainous of all?”

NOW IS THE TIME TO BATTLE THEM OUT! Like Ken dolls, fighting for survival! Like your Polly pockets discarded in the closet, we’ll see which of these bitches jumped that slippery slope harder! Whose character did numbers on y’all, and blew up a bunch of grandmas and babies and hospitals with it!

ROUND ONE

DAENERYS TARGARYEN from GAME OF THRONES vs PRINCE LOTOR from VOLTRON (LEGENDARY DEFENDER)

Dany propaganda (TW: domestic abuse mention, slavery):

“Sold off as a slavewife to a warlord in another country. Slowly rises up gaining the love and trust of the warlords people, eventually becoming their leader after his death. Goes on to conquer another nation and free all the slaves. Deals with her quickly growing list of real and perceived enemies in increasingly awful ways. More stuff happens. Eventually she makes her play for the throne of Kingslanding and forced a swift surrender… but instead snaps… over…? and instead starts killing everyone in the city indiscriminately because the only way to build her great version of the world everyone who even remotely likes the current one has to die.

And then her sorta bf kills her.

Its kinda funny how the US was also founded on a revolution lead by people with Not Great Morals and its media industry loves to now churn out stories where revolutionary figures turn out to be bad guys, actually, so you shouldn’t revolt and just accept your place in their world. Is this actually a British psy-op to get americans to accept the error in the ways and rejoin the UK?”

“daenerys propaganda: the literal in-text justification d&d gave for dany always being secretly evil and destined to massacre innocents was that she was too mean to the slavers that crucified a bunch of children. so they had this domestic violence survivor die of yet more domestic violence. they couldn't even let her go down in battle, she had to be assassinated by her lover in a moment of physical intimacy. (and tyrion, who literally strangled his gf to death and burned a fleet alive, suddenly became the audience avatar fretting about ethics.) the only woman permitted to retain power at the end of the show (sansa) was the one who said being raped and abused made her strong; dany, who explicitly condemned physical and sexual abuse and took steps to eradicate the perpetrators and break the wheel that crushed the oppressed, had to go crazy and die. the script explicitly condemned what they referred to as "liberation theology." d&d are the ultimate centrists and they turned dany into a fox news caricature of an activist.”

Lotor propaganda (TW: xenophobia):

“He wasn't exactly presented as a straight-up villain initially, more like a rogue agent. He wanted to reform his father's evil empire to be less tyrannical and xenophobic (the 2nd one is especially relevant because he's only half Galra. He went from an enemy of the heroes to an ally, then oops! turns out he's actually been a genocidal mass murderer with a god complex this whole time and then he dies in the most horrible way. It's been a while since I watched the show but I will never stop being mad over how they did my boy dirty.”

Always feel free to rb with more propaganda :)

[yichuuonvenus]

Graceland Too- IV

Ethan Landry x Reader

Tainted Love- Chapters

~Warnings~

Rape/Non-con, Loss of Virginity, Cock Warming, Dacryphilia, Knifeplay, Forced Orgasms, Corruption, Murder, Blood, Nightmares, Stalking, Underage Drinking, Attempted assault, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forced Relationship, Dacryphilia, Isolation

You blinked a couple of times trying to readjust your vision. The white sterile walls made it even brighter than it appeared. You stared across at the boy on the bed. You took a deep breath and remembered that he was fine. He was still breathing you and he was safe. The doctors told you that he would be fine since the knife barely touched any organs. You were glad Ethan was going to be okay… but you couldn’t help but feel as though you had a hand in his attack. 

You closed your eyes again and inhaled deeply. You weren’t going to cry again, you already did it on the way to the hospital. You felt bad enough because of how much Tia had to console you. You didn’t want to put your hurt onto anybody but Tia kept reassuring you that it was okay. You tried your best to remember that. 

“Hey, I’m going to drop off Mindy and Anika. Are you going to stay here?” Chad whispered.

You nodded and stifled a yawn as you adjusted yourself in the chair, pulling the blanket that was on you closer. 

“Give me a text when he’s awake,” he smiled, leaving you alone with Ethan. 

He was sleeping. His face looked so relaxed, you hoped he was having a nice dream. He deserved it after the night he just had. To be honest you wanted to lock yourself away forever. You felt responsible for everything. You knew it wasn’t your fault but a part of you believed that maybe if you didn’t come with Sam and Tara none of this would’ve happened. Rylan was dead… and Ethan thankfully survived. You stared at his face again, thoughts you couldn’t stop roaming throughout your brain. 

What if Ethan didn’t live? What if he died?

You saw him bleeding all over the white floor. What if he didn’t make it? The thought terrified you. You’ve gotten so close to him and now because of you, they were after your new friends, they were after him. You were close to the bed but you leaned it a bit, grabbing his hand. You didn’t know why but you felt like you should. Ethan clutched your hands, and you looked up to find him smiling at you. It was a goofy one. One that didn’t even look like he was stabbed 4 times. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice was strained. 

You didn’t know you were crying again when his hand wiped away a tear. 

“Nothing…” you quietly said. Ethan was about to open his mouth again but you quickly changed the subject. “The weather looks nice today.” 

He chuckled a bit, “Yeah it is, isn’t it?” 

You both stared outside. The sun was just coming up making the horizon appear like a painting out of a Bob Ross tutorial. 

It was like that for a good couple of moments before Ethan asked again. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You looked back at him. He was already looking at you, his eyes pleading he wanted to know. He still wanted to help you even when he was the one hurt. 

“I… I don’t- I almost lost you…” there was a tremor in your voice like you were about to break down sobbing right then and there. 

“And.. Ry-,” You couldn’t stop the tears then. An innocent boy was murdered because he was friends with you. He just wanted to know you. You were mad at yourself. You should’ve never talked to him. He would've been alive if it wasn’t for you. 

His parents wouldn’t have to grieve the loss of a child… if you never came into his life. 

“Hey, hey!” Ethan softly said. “Look at me.” 

You refused with a shake of your head. You couldn’t look at him. You failed him as a friend. You failed to make yourself believe you could have any friends. Everyone you love is endangered because of you. 

“Please look at me,” he whispered this time you did. He gave you a tired smile. “Do not blame yourself for what happened.”

You cried even harder as he held your face. 

“Please,” he sounded so heartbroken trying to console you. It made you feel even worse. Nothing ever happened to you. You should be the one consoling him. 

“We shouldn’t be friends…” 

He held you tightly to him, shushing you. 

“None of this would’ve happened if we weren’t friends.” 

He said your name sternly, making you look at him. 

“There’s nothing and I mean it nothing you could’ve done, even if we weren’t friends. What matters now is that I’m living and I’m not going anywhere.” He said it in a way that made you believe him. You took a deep breath and sighed. 

“You promise?” You grabbed his hand, raising an eyebrow with a smile. 

Ethan smiled back, lightly squeezing your hand, “I promise.”

. . . 

“Ethan!” You gasped as you stared down in front of you. 

He had already beaten you 6 times in your card game. You stared at him angrily as you threw down the cards. 

“This isn’t fair, you were definitely cheating.”

Ethan was laughing as he started to clean up the game, “I told you I was a god at this game and you didn’t believe me.”

“I thought you were bluffing,” you replied. You were both on the bed, sitting criss-crossed. 

Ethan gathered up the rest of the cards and sat them on the table next to the bed. 

“As you can see I wasn’t,” he said while he flexed. You playfully pushed him and he groaned loudly. 

“I’m so sorry!” You almost forgot his wounds were still healing. 

“I’m just kidding,” he proudly announced. 

You wanted to shove him so badly again but you felt bad if you did. You playfully furrowed your eyes at him. His arms enveloped you, causing a slight yelp from you.  He laid you both on your sides. You couldn’t help but scoot closer to him. 

“How are you feeling?” Ethan asked, face so close to yours you felt like you were going to stop breathing. 

“I feel like I should be asking you that…” 

“It’s okay… we both just went through something traumatic. I'll be here for you like you have with me,” he whispered.

“I’m… okay. It’s just tough to even try to move on from it. You- you were,” you felt like you were about to cry again. “You were on the floor dragging yourself and Rylan… I saw his body bag.” 

“It’s okay… it’s okay, princess.” 

You smiled at the nickname but it was gone as quickly as it came. You both held each other and for once it felt like you were at the safest place in the world. 

It has been like this for a few days. His healing process has been great but you couldn’t leave him. You’re afraid of Ghostface coming and finishing Ethan off. So you stayed there with Ethan, keeping him company. Sam, Tara, and Quinn came by now and then along with Chad and Mindy. You recalled how Mindy came in suddenly while you and Ethan played the same card game, she was going on about how it couldn’t be Ethan since he was the one stabbed. You remember giving Ethan a look and he returned it with a laugh. 

After Mindy left you were in each other's arms, drifting off to sleep. It was dark and it was the last day of his stay. You stared at Ethan. His eyes were closed and his breathing was still. You smiled at him as you smoothed over his hair. You were on his chest limbs entangled with one another. 

It was nice being this close to someone, though it scared you. You didn’t know what you would do tomorrow. You wanted to be like this forever. Safe and sound with him next to you. You furrowed your eyebrows and laid your head on his chest hearing his heartbeat. You didn’t know how you felt towards Ethan. He was nice to talk to. Nice to hold. It was nice being so close to him. So you let yourself take in the moment, forget that anything bad ever happened to you both. 

. . . 

You stared at the wall along with listening to your neighbors above. You didn’t find any interest in the wall but you did find that you could forget about everything and just focus on the wall. You were like that for a day or two after Ethan left the hospital. You didn’t want to be overbearing so you haven’t texted him since. 

You stared at the wall until you got a text. You didn’t look at it at first, you waited until you were ready to see it. You looked down and saw his name. Ethan’s name. He wanted to come over. 

You smiled at the text and sent a quick reply back. 

As quickly as it was sent, you started to hear a knock at your door. It must have been barely two seconds. When you opened it was Ethan with that same toothy grin he wore on his sleeve. He lived in the same dorm as you and on the same floor. A great surprise at the beginning of the year that Chad was near you so could come over whenever to bother him. 

Now you have two people to bother. 

“Hey,” Ethan said as you widened the space for Ethan to come in. 

“Hi,” you replied as you shut the door. You looked at him with your arms behind your back. For some reason, you felt too awkward to even move even though Ethan had been to your room so many times prior. 

“Do-.”

“How-.”

You both laughed at the fact you were both starting to speak at the same time. The ice broke just from his laugh alone and you couldn’t stop the smile that started etching its way onto your face.

“You can ask first,” you said walking a bit closer to him. 

“No no you go first I’m in your room,” he chuckled. 

You smiled before speaking up, “Well… do you want anything to drink or food maybe?”

Ethan thought about it for a second and then spoke up, “Actually can I have water?”

You immediately smiled and nodded, “Of course!” 

You got a bottle but when you turned around he wasn’t there. You tilted your head, then you heard a sound. It was a low sound one that you could barely hear. You tried to listen again as you walked closer to your door. It sounded like low clicks on the door. It was as if something was knocking against it. You slowly turned the knob and when you did Ethan’s voice was right in your ear. You jumped as he touched your shoulder, you turned your head and you were right back where you started. You looked around a bit confused.

Ethan softly said your name, his eyebrows were furrowed in concern and his lips made a frown, “Are you okay? I was calling you for like 4 minutes…”

“You were?” You said. You were unable to even look at him. 

“Hey, I can go if you need me to…” 

You only shook your head, you didn’t want to be alone right now. Not like this, not when you were having trouble staying in the present. 

“Please stay… I just… did you go somewhere?”

“I went to the bathroom and then I saw you standing there just holding the water bottle.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry Ethan. If I creep you out you can go,” You tried to muster up a fake laugh but it didn’t work with your tears surfacing.

“No, it’s okay. I’m here for you, princess.”

You tried to smile as he brought you into a hug. You couldn’t stop crying as he held you. When you finally calmed down you were in your bed. Ethan decided it was a good idea to start playing a movie. You and Ethan remained close on the bed. You could feel your eyes closing and your breathing slowing. 

It wasn’t before long that you were sleeping. 

The sleep was dreamless for once you didn’t wake up from a nightmare. Ethan was holding you, his arm was draped over your waist holding him close to you. It was intimate. You could feel your heartbeat pounding against your chest. You felt wrong for having Ethan so close to you. 

Maybe it was because he was almost murdered or maybe it was because of the thought of betraying Wes… you haven’t thought about him once this whole week. To be honest you were thankful. 

Ethan had become much more than a friend to you.

He was your lifeline.

. . . 

You were in your room getting ready. Mindy and Anika were planning something for tonight. Chad and Tara were going to be there. So it was basically just you and the couples. You were a little bit upset because you wanted Ethan to come but he told you he needed to do something important. 

You sighed as you threw on a cute outfit, something warm enough for the weather. You did the finishing touches to your makeup and left without another thought. You turned to see that Chad and Tara came down the hall. 

“No Tia?” Chad asked since it was just you. Odd number and all. 

“Yeah, she couldn’t come because of homework.”

“Dude, same as Ethan this semester is kicking our ass.”

You walked down the hall with them to the elevator. Talking about the homework you all had for your core classes. 

Anika and Mindy were outside smiling and waving. You all greeted each other and waited at the bus stop. 

“Is Sam with that guy?” You whispered.

The bus pulled up not a second later and you were glad that you all left when you did. The app said a bus wasn’t coming for another 20 minutes. You loaded on and Tara sat right beside you. 

“Oh um, Danny. Yeah, they have been getting kinda serious.”

“Serious..?” You looked at Tara and she could only smile. Sam deserved to have someone she’s done so much for you all. You were glad Sam found that special someone. 

“Dude, with my Chem class. There's no way I’m gonna pass,” you heard Chad say to Mindy. 

“Like I said before, you need to learn how to study. Get Tara to study with you,” Mindy laughed.

“I’ve literally asked if you wanted to study with me,” Tara chuckled.

“Yeah but I don’t think we would do much studying,” Chad said. 

You all looked at each other before laughing. 

“You’re gross Chad,” Mindy looked over at Tara who was trying to hide herself in your hair. 

. . . 

“See ya guys,” you said as you waved at Chad and Tara before opening your door. 

Tia was on the other side standing still you jumped a bit from her just looking at you. 

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” she whispered. She appeared stressed like something was about to jump out of the door. 

“No, it’s okay,” you immediately said, “are you okay?”

“Um no yeah I'm fine,” she forced a smile before going back to her room. You stood there trying to reason why she was standing there watching the door. 

You felt your phone buzz and looked down. Ethan was texting you about an apology for not coming but to make it up to you a movie was showing at the student center a film he knew you’d both liked. You agreed immediately and smiled down at your phone. 

. . . 

You stared at your outfit. You were just seeing Ethan. You didn’t know why it was so serious for you but it was. You decided to get your underwear first while still in your towel. You shuffled through your drawer not finding any of your underwear or ones you really liked. You guessed that laundry day was coming up. You decided just to wear your gray ones with cute cats. It was like that for your bras too. Some of them were gone and you didn’t really wash them as often as you should’ve. You grabbed a black one and went back to the outfits. 

You picked one out and threw it on. You were about to text Ethan before you heard a knock. You fixed your hair before walking towards your door. Ethan stood there with a smile.

“I was just about to text you,” you said as you let him in. “I don’t know how you always know when I’m ready.”

He chuckled as he went into your room, “I guess I have a sixth sense.”

You both laughed as you shook your head and went to your sock drawer.

“You should wear those.” Ethan pointed at a pair with a cute print. 

You smiled and put them on. You threw on your shoes and walked into the common room with him. Tia was standing in there too getting water. She didn’t greet Ethan as she greeted you. You furrowed your eyebrows a bit as Ethan greeted her and she simply ignored him. It grew awkward with all of you just standing there in silence. Ethan smiled before his phone started to ring, he excused himself and stepped into your room leaving you and Tia alone. 

 “Where are you guys going?” She asked, voice quiet, and her tone sounded like one of worry which confused you. 

“Oh um… we are going to see a movie at the student center,” you said quietly too. You weren’t sure why because Ethan was the only one there but you felt as though Tia had her reasons. 

“Okay…” she said and as Ethan opened your bedroom door she hugged you tightly and whispered making sure that you were the only one to hear her. “We need to talk as soon as you get back.”

You nodded as she sent you a worried look. You said your goodbyes and Ethan tried to too but Tia already shutted her door before it reached her ears. 

Ethan frowned a bit and stared at you. You shrugged, you didn’t know why Tia was so cold now. It didn’t make sense before she would tease you about Ethan liking you and now… she wouldn’t even spare him a glance. You both made your way downstairs choosing to ignore it. 

. . . 

You smiled when you walked into your room. It was fun tonight being with Ethan and seeing him walk around and being his fun nerdy self. You were glad he was still the same. You were glad Ghostface didn’t scare him off. You knew it was selfish to want him to stay. Why would anyone stay after being stabbed? But Ethan did. He stuck by you and still wasn’t deterred from being your friend. 

When you turned around to go back into the common room you found your roommate there. She was quiet as she stared at you. 

“So… um what did you need to talk about with me?” You asked. You were kinda hesitant to even ask mostly because you were scared that you might’ve upset her. 

“Y/n…” she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. You were worried because how she didn’t look in your eyes once after coming into the common room. “I think… I think Ethan broke into our dorm a few nights ago.”

“What-”

“I know- I know it’s crazy… but I saw someone in your room when you weren’t there and they looked kinda like Ethan.”

You shook your head and turned away from Tia. 

“There’s no way… that’s- why would he even do that?”

“I don’t know but I swear-”

“Ethan wouldn’t… I believe you but I don’t think it was Ethan.”

“Maybe... maybe it wasn’t but someone has been in your room going through your stuff. I just think you should be careful with how close you are with him,” she quietly said. 

“Y- yes of course,” you said as you stared at the ground. You didn’t know what to do. The only thing you could think of was telling Sam but you didn’t want to worry her. The thought that Ethan might be the culprit wasn’t a thought in your brain at all. Why would Ethan break into your room? It made no sense Ethan was one of your best friends now. He was a good guy, he wouldn't even hurt a fly so there wasn’t a possibility that Ethan was the culprit. 

You knew it had to be Ghostface because who else would it be? 

Who else would break into your room just to get to you? 

Previous Chapter?

Next Chapter?

[transformers-mosaic]

Transformers: Mosaic #557 - "Loyalty Rewarded"

Originally posted on November 15th, 2010

Story - Zac DeBoard Art - Kei Tomoe Letters - Franco Villa Edits - Juan Pablo Osorio “Chopper” design - Andy Short Whirl design - Paul Vromen

deviantART | Seibertron | TFW2005 | BotTalk

Later revised and annotated for Transformers: The Lost Seasons

wada sez: The last of three Sunbow-version-of-Animated-character strips. On the Machine Wars Starscream color scheme used for Scrash, DeBoard said on Seibertron: “I believe Scrash's coloring was a way to differentiate between he and Skyquake (even though they were pretty much consdered to be the same character), as well as being a shout out to MW Screamer.” Onslaught’s seeming death here appears to be an choice, as he’s alive and well later in the Sunbow timeline—but Cattleprod points out that the Combaticons first appeared reduced to personality components after a failed coup, so presumably this is intended to lead into that, with Onslaught just heavily damaged but alive. The blue character is an OC based on the Diaclone helicopter who, in later official sources, would variously be given the names "Fumes", "Rotorbolt", and "Skyklik"—the creators of The Lost Seasons apparently used a common fan-name at the time, "Chopper". I've tagged him as Rotorbolt, because of the Wreckers connection. On the strip’s ending, DeBoard said: “Personally, I love ol Luggy and I just assume that while his body may have been destoyed, his spark survived....like they put it in a machine like they have a Garrus 9 or something.” He explained the strip’s plotting as follows: “Again, this is just "in my head" but Megs was probably obsessed with The Autobots on The Ark (at least for the moment) and didnt bother to take attendance, so to speak, and therefore didn't notice Lugnut. Another thing to keep in mind is...we were kinna working within a set continuity and trying to fit stories and characters where we can. Obviously Lugnut wasnt in G1 originally so it's a tricky thing to do. I just kinna thought it was a pretty neat way to introduce him and explain his "absence" from the show. Believe me, I try to take all of this stuff into account when I write, but if I overthink it, I'd never get anything written! Hehe. As for the faces of the "transplanted characters. It seems to be harder to translate the facial features of the TFA bots into a G1 style (for instance, I felt Lockdown's face in the Drift mini was just horrific), but I think Lugnut came out very well in this. [...] We are floating around some more stories featuring G1 Lugnut so hopefully he will be fleshed out more in later stories. Personally, I hope to bring his personality closer to the fanatic he was in TFA, which is what made him one of my favorite characters. With the space limitations of the Mosaic, we really didn't get to do a lot of it (though it was more prevalant in the script).” This strip evolved from an earlier script of DeBoard's, which went unused: “Unfortunately, I realized there was already a Mosaic piece essentially telling this same story. This one however was set in the G1 universe”—I’ve reproduced the full text below, alongside the usual Italian translation. The earlier strip with a similar idea was “False Saviour”, in case you were wondering.

Before I was little more than a thug.  Making a living by robbing those less fortunate than me.  Feeling I was destined for a greater purpose, I had applied numerous times to the Cybertron Military Academy only due be denied due to what the Head of the Academy deemed was an aggressive attitude.

This would haunt me in my future endeavors as I could find little work.

Eventually I found the Arena.

It was there than I unleashed my aggression and anger, my strength was unparalelled and I became known as the Kaon Crusher.

And, as quickly as I embraced my newfound outlet, I soon found myself longing for more.

Was this all I was meant for?  Mindlessly destroying mechs for little more than a thrill?

Blastburn lies defeated at my feet and I feel nothing.  I walk away, feeling just as beaten as my foe.

"Your designation Lugnut?"

I nod.

"It is."

"My commander has had an optic on you for over a Vorn.  He has seen your indifference and longing."

"What do you or your commander know of me?!"

"He believes he can provide you with a sense of purpose--a new life, if you will."

The blue mech (Soundwave) has my attention.

"And what do you call your glorious leader" I say to him mockingly.

"His name is...Megatron."

At the end would be a close up of Lugnut's single red optic, with an image or a shadow of G1 Megs in it.

[cendriilon]

Dilemma

Denji Route.

Songfic series: MANNEQUIN, Deco*27 Inspired by the lyrics of: Dilemma

[Description: "You probably don't even know." & "I'll come flying if you say you want to see me."

Warnings: None

{1549 words}

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

You keep running with the crowd. You run until you can't breathe anymore, the scene is stressful and whenever you look behind you all you can see are splotches of blood being thrown around.

Where the fuck is Denji?

Did you actually just leave him like that?

You mentally curse at yourself as you get to the safe zone. People are panicking, crying, hyperventilating, you are too. You scope out the group just for the chance to see Denji again. He's not there, but Yoshida is.

It didn't look like he was running with the crowd, actually, it looks like he's making his way towards you from the outside, walking into the carnival.

"[name]? What happened?" Yoshida asked, he didn't seem frantic at all.

Those words are what made you snap, you sobbed into your hands, "Yoshida! Th-there was a devil and and... ohmygod and I fucking left Denji there I'm such a horrible person! You choked out from your sobs, Yoshida puts an arm on your back.

"It'll be fine, he's fine."

"How would you know that?! I basically just killed someone!"

"You couldn't control it anyway. He's not dead, I'm sure. He always finds some way to survive."

An ambulance was called, Yoshida pushed you on to one to get checked up. He didn't go back with you. You didn't see him again after that.

-

Yoshida walked into the festival, there was blood everywhere. Bodies too. He wasn't phased, he was only looking for Denji after all.

Denji was fine. The opposing devil was dead, body torn to shreds. "Good afternoon, Denji." Yoshida smiled

"Good afternoon? Who the fuck—" Denji turned around to face the other man, "You again?! Leave me alone! I haven't been trying to reveal myself anyway!"

"Liar. You transformed in the crowd in hopes to get someone's attention." Yoshida sighed, putting a hand on his hip.

"How'd you know that??!"

"I was watching."

"Creep!" Denji muttered as he slowly transformed back, the chainsaws on his body melting off into a gray mush. His voice quieted down before speaking again, "... is [name] okay?"

"They're fine. They didn't see that you were Chainsaw Man, did they?" Yoshida's eyes were dark and dull, not something unusual to Denji, but made him worry for you.

"..no.?" Denji lied, he didn't really know if you even saw anything but believed you were smart enough to put two and two together.

"Good." Yoshida's voice was ominous as he turned back, waving away, leaving Denji confused as usual.

-

You lay in bed, wide awake. Was Denji still alive? If he wasn't, would be still be alive if you'd stayed with him or pushed a little harder for him to follow you? If you died in the process, you bet it'd feel a lot better than the guilt eating at your stomach.

You couldn't get out of bed on Sunday, still processing everything in your tiny little head, thinking of situations where everyone could've survived. The trip to the hospital was miserable. People who were much worse surrounded you, you left bad taking an ambulance when someone else could've used it. Then again, it wasn't your choice to get in, so it's not your fault, right?

You felt hopeless. Nothing could've made you feel better. Your friends didn't even bother to contact you, maybe they were busy with something else. Actually, Yoshida didn't text you either.

Slowly, you lifted yourself from your depressive state to wander towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. Before you made it, you glanced out your window to face the bright day outside of you. To your surprise, you saw Denji.

You didn't exactly lock eyes but you hurried down to meet him, still in the clothes you wore to sleep, no shoes on.

"Denji?! You're alive?!" You rushed over to him, tripping on the long pants you wore to sleep. You fell hands first onto the gravel path right in front of him, he looked pretty shocked.

"[name]! Yeah I'm okay, I'll uh. Help you up." He said, bringing out a hand for you to take gratefully, "Yoshida told me you were worried about me, but I'm perfectly fine!"

Your hands were bloody, clearly bruising after the tumble you took. You smile up at Denji and hug him tight, "You don't know how scared and guilty I felt... why didn't you come back with me?"

"Because I'm Chainsaw Man!" Denji smiled at you, his sharp teeth showing.

"...Huh. So I guess you are." You sigh as you put your hands on his cheeks, making sure he doesn't move, "Just whatever you do, don't do any of that while I'm around. I'll feel like shit afterwards." You smile slightly as you kiss his lips quickly, "Why don't you come inside? Then we'll have an actual official date together."

"Really? Hell yeah!"

"That's right, Chainsaw Boy. Come on." You smile, pulling him towards the apartment complex.

-

"Here! Tada!" You walk out into the living room with Denji sitting on the couch you and Yoshida kissed on the other night, you shake away your thoughts as you sit down next to him, "I changed into something more presentable. And then, we can go out to get something together! I'll pay if that's what you need me to do again."

"Mm... y-yeah." His face was red.

"What's wrong?" You hadn't noticed until now, but the shirt you were wearing was showing a little more cleavage than usual. Your face turns red as well as you turn around to face the other way to finish buttoning up your shirt.

"C-CanItouchyourboobs"

"...What?" You turn back to face him, blush spread across his cheeks, your face turning slightly red as well, "I mean, I guess it could be your welcome back gift of something." You giggle as you smile back to him.

"R-Really? Can I really touch you?" Denji asks again, his hand slowly rising closer to your chest.

"Hehe, yeah go ahead." Slowly, Denji's hand landed onto your breast. His hand felt soft on your chest, "Ohoho, do you like it?" You felt your face turn as bright as a tomato as you tried your best to keep your composure.

"Y-Yeah. It's soft." He murmurs, he lifts his other hand and placed in on the other side of your chest, "Is this really okay if we do this?"

"It's only touching. I think it's fine... plus it's not like we're going to third base or anything yet." You laugh as you relax your shoulders and keep watching him, shifting your gaze from his hands and face.

"Y-yet??" His own gaze shifted to look you in the eyes.

"Maybe in a few years if we stick together."

"Oh— Hey, can you do that... could you hug me again?" His voice was almost like a whisper, you smile at him before you embrace him yet again. His hands still on your chest.

-

"Yoshida. You're finally here!" You smile, trying your best not to set off the mood, "Could I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. What do you want?" He questions as he leaned on the desk across from you, no one else was in class anymore. You had no clue why Yoshida would always skip school but show up for the after school activities.

"I'd just... I want to stop 'working' for you." With that, it felt as if a heavy burden lifted itself off of your shoulders, "I like Denji, and I don't want to help you use him. Or control him. Or anything like that." Your voice got quieter for a little bit.

"Oh? Where did this come from?"

"You know what I'm talking about. I know you watch. You watch like crazy! Even when no one else is around, I have no clue how you do it, but I just... I can't help you anymore." You shake your head as you look away from the tall figure in front of you.

"Really? I always thought that you liked me." He got closer, a hand closing onto your chin, gently holding it up.

"Well it's not like that anymore...! And and..." You look away from him, his eyes scared you. More than it usually did. They were blurry and dark, and they were both on you.

"Hey! Dead eyes! Get away from [name]!" Denji rushed over, pulling you away from Yoshida, "And don't touch them like that! Weirdo! Creep! They're with me now!"

"Oh, so they weren't lying when they said they liked you." Yoshida laughed, lifting his arms off you in surrender, "It looks like I got you a girlfriend, you know what that means."

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Denji grabbed your hand and pulled you away from Yoshida, you l smiled at him thankfully, "Let's go [name]."

"Yeah, let's go."

•••|•••|•••|•••|•••

A/N: wow Yoshida's route was a lot longer than Denji's! Can you guess who I like more?

Also yoshida being a little creep lmao

Masterlist on profile!

Yours truly, 💟

[horizon-verizon]

Rhaenyra’s seclusion and grief over Luke’s death and her absence from her own war council is blamed for Rhaenys flying to Rook’s Nest alone and getting killed. The narrative even accentuates how detrimental Rhaenyra’s absence might have been to her own war efforts in having Corlys blame her for Rhaenys’ death, and again in having Jace recruit dragonseeds to increase the Blacks’s draconic power at a time when one of their dragonriders is indisposed. I don’t get why Martin uses a mother’s grief so often as a convenient plot device to force passivity, silence and absence on his female characters to fit the requirements of the plot, why it’s always the women who break down, rend their garments and retreat from public life, whereas men react to similar tragedies with anger, pursuit of vengeance and singular political focus.

*EDITED POST* (4/5/24)

I think it's important to identify when it is the maester or GRRM creating which messages to what audiences when it comes to Fire and Blood specifically. Because this is a frame narrative with an unreliable narrator. We have to remember that Gyldayn--a maester who's taking 100yr old anecdotes from people with their own conflicting agendas or inheritances of information--is both writing in hindsight of the effects of the Dance and is of the mind, like many others, that female rulership is bad. F&B is supposed to paint female rulership as bad.

BUT...

A)

You: "The narrative even accentuates how detrimental Rhaenyra’s absence might have been to her own war efforts in having Corlys blame her for Rhaenys’ death, and again in having Jace recruit dragonseeds to increase the Blacks’s draconic power at a time when one of their dragonriders is indisposed."

Watsonian Answer

Rhaenyra was recovering from a stillbirth (Visenya). She'd be putting her body more at risk than is good for the faction, because she is the very reason they are fighting. It's her claim, her future as their Queen.

And she herself is not the warrior-kind of person. Princess Rhaenys & Queen Visenya is more that. Plus, as I wrote HERE about Aegon II, her, and Alexander the Great, it is a huge risk for the leader of an army or whatever to go into a fight themselves.

Rhaenyra had never been trained to defend herself like most noble boys and men in Westeros. She isn't a warrior. Yes, the more battle-experienced a leader is, the more trust you could put into their ability to survive and even attack/defend their soldiers/subjects in a battle. Thus the lower the risk to self. But we need to acknowledge that not every person, man or woman, is going to be able to do that.

Going back to Rook's Rest, it was a trap, too, for her or any person she sent. Cole engineered or headed the plan by including Aegon-Sunfyre to Aemond-Vhagar. If Rhaenyra had gone, she definitely wouldn't have lived and the blacks could have banded beside Jace but it would be even harder to justify to some people doing so since they swore to her. And she herself cannot actively reaffirm and support her son's claims (with them being suspected bastards) if she is dead and cannot go on to rule and make some measure for them while alive/ruling. Rhaenys was way more experienced and assumedly more of a warrior, yet she does brutally.

Therefore, Corlys blaming Rhaenyra for not going out to risk herself is actually him being pretty misogynistic. There is no room made for her by him due to his grief yes, but also bc there is a belief that women are not fit for battle, never should lead, and should be kept out of said activities (because of the belief that they are physically just too weak/weaker than men and their bodies are "preoccupied" with childbirth and pregnancy makes them unable to respond as well to the demands of the unpredictability of battle). If that makes it easier for him to attack and blame her, he feels more justified to do that.

Same for child "rearing", or really for noble women's "observance of rearing".

Semi Watsonian, Semi-Doylist Answer

The text--written by a maester, who are mostly already misogynist themselves--does look at Rhaenyra side-eyed for not performing as a man/non-recovering birther could and the maesters really highlight Corlys' anger. I would attribute that to maesters not giving consideration to Rhaenyra's body (when her body has already lost "desirability" from her weight gain of successive childbirths, so they switch to and in the context of battle/"function") and choosing to keep their eyes shut about Aegon nearly dying at Rook's Rest (thus the reason why kings/queens/leaders are more often kept out of the thick of the fighting).

As always, when it comes to Fire and Blood's Dance accounts' unreliable narrator and less reliable sources, the readers are entrusted with recognizing inconsistencies and interpreting why/how those exist.

The Sowing (Doylist)

"The narrative even accentuates how detrimental Rhaenyra’s absence might have been...again in having Jace recruit dragonseeds to increase the Blacks’s draconic power at a time when one of their dragonriders is indisposed."

As for Jace being the one to suggest new dragonriders, using what I say above, I think that there is a sort of shift GRRM is making between Rhaenyra's authority to the promise of Jace and in doing so he's debilitating Rhaenyra.

Or it could, again, be Gyldayn not crediting her for something she did suggest they do?!

Let's say she didn't: Yes, this is obviously a depiction of a young man stepping up and helping his family/own claim, practicing adulthood sadly during wartime. This makes this heartwarming, but, as I and you note, it comes from Rhaenyra being pulled out of commission through her grief. This could have been written differently. Why not have them work together, Rhaenyra be the one to send Rhaena and Joffrey to the Vale and have her make Corlys the Queen's Hand? Jacaerys be the ones to send for Daemon's Pentoshi friends for his youngest brothers Viserys and Aegon?

Rhaenyra maybe having had the idea of the Red Sowing from Luke's death because she retreated for a bit and come back out with this idea? Gyldayn and most masters or contemporary men may not understand how she could have had such an idea, but we the audience could figure that she was locked away with her thoughts and it may have occurred to her to do this from her years-long struggles at court for her sons bc of the paternity suspicion. So she seeks revenge through the irony of having bastard offspring on her side fighting for her...aside from the needed extra riders. That would have been a great way for her to seek out revenge actively without actually fighting herself. A sort of subversion of both our (those who keep saying she should have gone, ugh) and those around her's expectations of a woman leading a side/house into war (not just battle, war).

But maybe Rhaenyra was the one to encourage to encourage her son to at least go to the Starks if not wholesale tell him what to do?! Again, this book was in-world written to disparage and discourage belief in female rulership. Gyldayn could have searched for information in the wrong place or he could have not thought about pursuing an important piece of infor bc he fet it wasn't important for his intent.

B)

You: "I don’t get why Martin uses a mother’s grief so often as a convenient plot device to force passivity, silence and absence on his female characters to fit the requirements of the plot, why it’s always the women who break down, rend their garments and retreat from public life, whereas men react to similar tragedies with anger, pursuit of vengeance and singular political focus."

I think it's partly from how men vs women, girls vs boys, have different lives of mobility and relationships to how they may use their bodies in a militaristic society. (Scroll Down to "Medieval/Westerosi Noble Male Vs. Female Mobility" of this post).

But AGAIN, Gyldayn is trying to "show" us that female ruler = bad ruler. HE could very well be the one to push forward this narrative element of women being too "emotional" to lead. the "plot" you mention could very well be just propaganda and/or loss of necessary information.

Let's take it at face value, again, anyway, jic: Westerosi women and girls grow up discouraged & punished for being vengeful, active in politics, or even just angry. Female rage is not as "useful" or acceptable to Westerosi aristocracy as male rage and revenge, as men are entrusted with military authority and power. And men are guided into compartmentalizing their vulnerabilities and grief into action. So while women do get angry, and do go on revenge missions (Lady Stoneheart and Barbra Dustin), they are going to also be more likely than men to sit in their grief and not "channel" that grief or anger into an immediate attack. There is also that with women, their access to learning how to politically maneuver others depends on their families' willingness to teach them. Finally, not every woman/girl is going to observe critical faults in her society in neglect of women and then respond to that by being an auto-didact (Arya vs Sansa; Elizabeth I vs Mary I). Girls/women are diversely human in that way.

However, IF THIS IS REALLY just GRRM, you have a point to point out that GRRM debilitates some of his main-or-Targ women with their extreme emotions a little more than he really needs to.

There is a story from Italy of a noble woman I can't remember the name of who responded to some siegers' threats to her son with "Do whatever you want with him, I have the means of having more children!", lifting towards her skirt or gesturing to her crotch. While mothers love their kids, they are also their own persons who are given or can develop a sense of ambition and desire to consolidate power/legacies/cultural memories for themselves as well. The two shouldn't be more mutually exclusive for them. For anyone, but in patriarchal societies, women are expected to be more self-sacrificing as they become the designated "nurturers" and domestic organizers of a household in some shape or form. However, the closest thing to a woman doing something like this in the ASoIaF world is Agnes Blackwood (AWoIaF -- "The Seven Kingdoms" -- "The Riverlands"):

When they become leaders, this woman was head of her household/city at the time. Whether legend or reality, it presents the reverse of the woman rejecting a male invader's sexual advances and desires to overpower/"merge" with her house (Agnes Blackwood and the ward of Arlan III) for his own domination and legacy with a woman using her reproductive capabilities as a means to assert her own authority/credibility. As she, instead of him, can "continue" her house independently. And doing it while locked in the event of battle, a site we modern readers would not expect coming into this sort of world new.

I'd have liked more instances of this happening in the ASoIaF world, and that GRRM doesn't allow for this more often shows how much he is creating a tale of female subjugation versus actually trying to be just politically mindful of women in history. Sprinkle in a few more success stories and reduce the amount of times extreme emotion is used to dramatically raise the emotional stakes.

I noticed that the Sand Snakes and Arianne Martell are all sort of stopped once Doran finally decides to let them in on his plans to restore the Targaryen monarchy. I just remembered this. I took this to mean that Arianne and the Snakes, since Doran wasn't being an idiot by excluding them anymore and actually promising them their revenge, was a good thing. I'll have to reread to make sure.

I'll add gratuitous sexual violence that then draws out those extreme emotions to be used so a woman is more indisposed to meet a problem. There is a post by joannalannister that points out:

There is little criticism that GRRM lays down in the text about rape, unlike the anti-war sentiment. And people can argue for him that because rape is apart of war and he is writing anti-war novels then rape is wrapped up in that but GRRM doesn’t just write about rape in the context of war. Rape happens in the marriage bed, rape happens to children and women being sold into sex slavery, rape happens to women who are kidnapped for the spoils or men, or taken because of “Lord’s Right”. Rape happens with words, and looks, and touches. It happens to women of status or small folks. In ASOIAF, rape is something that just happens, period. End of discussion. And the thing that always bothered me the most about it was the way GRRM throws it into scenes and situations just to make whatever is happening that much more fucked up. As if rape is going to be that one thing that’ll make it more disgusting without really taking responsibility for what you’re putting the characters through or the reader.  Sure, GRRM probably thinks rape is a bad thing, but it really doesn’t shock me that GRRM’s response to the criticism of rape in GOT was “well, that’s how it happened in history”. Because from the way he writes the books, that seems to be the only depth.  

One thing I disagree with this take is that GRRM is anti-war, the implication that he's anti-war unconditionally. No, he isn't. HE thinks war is necessary in the most extreme of circumstances or it's inevitable when it comes for you, when the other side insists on your destruction. This includes the Others. Or, like with Nymeria who went to war several times to give her people safety, wo do what I described at safety.

Anyway, he also decides to disappear his female (esp Targ) characters through traumatic and violent disconnections from lovers/husbands.

With Aelora, it's very possible that she was sexually assaulted by the Hawk, the Pig, and the Rat. Before that, she went "mad with grief" over somehow causing her brother's death. Funny how she is another female Targ heir who loses herself and the chance to become queen almost simultaneously. Her becoming a prospective Queen in her own right and it coming from her killing her brother-husband's/the last heir --who happened to be male--looks to have motivated someone(s) to target her and begin a rebellion against the crown. Thematically, this mimics the Dance at a smaller scale, but those rebellious men who attacked Aelora used the Dance as a precedent against female rulers.

Hopefully and not likely, she was not sexually assaulted, but we might never know for sure.

Funny enough, women with "opportunities" to rule magically crumble or are attacked and can't build defenses quickly or sufficiently enough to counteract it. With Gael, we get a girl who seemed to never become her own person, was either assaulted/seduced by a man in court/council OR as the official story goes was abandoned by a lower-classed lover and lost her child.

I comment on GRRM's writing for Rhaenyra HERE where I explain GRRM's writing for Rhaenyra and express my distaste for his decision to make her so overly passive and disengaged before I considered that maybe it is more GYLDAYN's perspective of "female ruler=bad ruler" and F&B being unconscious-conscious propaganda for that idea. I don't put it so eloquently and succinctly as you, anon partly because I tried to address the misogyny the askers used to criticize Rhaenyra, thinking that she was responsible for proving to misogynists that she should rule.

[fiercynn]

Even though it tears me apart to hear them expressing their yearning for death at this age, I draw comfort and feel relieved that I still can hear their voices, speak to them, and know they are alive. With every message I send on WhatsApp, I heave a sigh of relief when those two ticks appear, a signal that confirms their presence. Amid the 24-hour bombing, it is nighttime that fills me with fear. I find myself frequently messaging my brother meaningless texts only to see the appearance of those two ticks. In the absence of the internet, I resort to scanning local news, assuring myself that for now, they are at least alive. Sometimes I wonder if I keep them awake so that the comfort of their presence calms my anxiety, only to remember that the longer they stay awake, the more they are exposed to scenes of devastation and destruction, the more the scent of blood pervades, and the more they endure relentless bombardments. Opting for sleep might grant them and their worn-out bodies a momentary rest from the madness encircling them. I cannot determine who is greedier—them, yearning for an end to life and escaping the ongoing genocide, or me, yearning for their presence and the comfort it brings. [x]

essay by walaa m. alfarra at we are not numbers.

Walaa M. AIfarra: I study English language and literature at university in Gaza and I’m enjoying it. I have always loved writing, even when no one reads my pieces, because I believe through writing I share my emotions. I can put all of my feelings into words and express myself easier. Whenever you meet me, you find me either holding my pen and notebook or with them in my bag, that’s how much I love writing. Writing to me is a form of change, and I love being rebellious and opposing the rules when necessary.

Politics and human rights are two fields I enjoy reading about since I believe we are all equal; we do not choose our nationality, ethnicity or color, so we shouldn’t be judged based on them. Everyone has a right to feel safe and protected; that’s why most of my writings focus on the injustices and corruption found in society.

I have many dreams and goals for my life, and I’m doing my best to achieve them. To achieve the life I dream of, I must keep work harder. Since I love trying everything, I find myself wanting to pursue careers in different fields. I define myself as a hardworking person seeking change and hunting her ambitions and dreams.