#“something like 'forever' is honestly impossible but there's no way we can leave each other after all this time”

[vocaloid-song-of-the-day]

Wrinkles by buzzG feat. GUMI

[literary-motif]

Two Weeks

Alex x Reader

You continue sharing an apartment with Alex after he breaks up with you. The past weighs heavily.

“So is this going to be us intensely avoiding each other for as long as I stay here or—?” Alex let his sentence trail off. You did not turn around to face him, silently continuing to make yourself a cup of tea.

It was only for two weeks, after all. Two weeks, and you would be rid of him forever. 

Kicking him out of the apartment had felt like a cruelty you could not bring yourself to do to him. Two weeks had felt like nothing at all, considering the two years you had been together with him. You could continue living with him until his flight went to the US — at least you told yourself you could. 

“What do you want me to say?” you replied dismissively, picking up the cup and turning to face him. “Did you expect everything to stay the same?”

“No!” he said exasperatedly. 

His hair was disheveled. You knew he ran his hands through it repeatedly when he was frustrated. The thought that the situation weighed as heavily on him as it did on you offered you at least a little comfort.

You took a sip of your tea. 

“But I thought we could at least be civil — be friends, even!”

You could not help the incredulous laugh from slipping past your lips. “Friends?” you said, with a humorless chuckle. “Honestly Alex, you’re delusional. What did you think would happen? You broke up with me, telling me you were leaving the country in less than a month! What—? Do you think my life is a joke? Where do you think I— How am I supposed to afford this place alone? Did you think of that, huh? When you told the whole world that you got a prestigious job offer on the other end of the world, did you maybe consider that you were throwing me off the deep end with literally no warning?”

Alex blinked, opening his mouth to reply. He frowned. “You’re well off,” he said, sounding confused. “I never thought that this might be a problem for you. I— I can help you out with rent, I think.”

You shook your head, the fight leaving you with a deep sigh. “Don’t kid yourself,” you said, cradling the warm cup in your hands, “you might make enough to support yourself, but apartments in the States aren’t any cheaper than they are here.”

He sighed as well, leaning against the doorframe and biting his lip. “I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly sounding small. “I— I swear I didn’t mean to. There was just so much going on that I didn’t consider something so fundamental. I mean, I was uprooting my whole life, losing the person I loved” — the past tense stung — “I didn’t consider how leaving would be a financial problem for you.”

You waved a hand in dismissal. “I’ll figure it out,” you mumbled. 

Despite things seeming bleak — finding an affordable apartment in London in two weeks was next to impossible — you were confident that everything would click into place eventually. You could support yourself independently. Working at the law firm gave you enough stability to be alright without him. 

“What you did hurt me more than anything,” you said quietly, staring into your tea. “Part of me understands your reasoning, but being the last to know about the job offer you planned to accept from the beginning when your decision affected my life so much, felt like a betrayal.”

“I know,” he said, rummaging through a cupboard and pulling out a packet of his favorite biscuits. “After you accused me of cheating, I couldn’t— I couldn’t see you the same way.”

“You know I said that on a whim, right?” you said, looking at him. “It was a stupid accusation, and I didn’t believe it when I said it. You were gone so often that I didn’t know how to express my frustration. I thought you would deny it and move on, seeing it as the overreaction that it was. Instead—” you trailed off. “I didn’t know it would hurt you so much.”

He scoffed, taking a bite of his biscuit. “I can’t imagine anyone would brush off such an accusation. How would you have felt?”

“I see that now. Still, just because you were hurt and angry at me, it did not give you the right to shut me out completely like you did. I get that you thought our relationship had changed, but you did not even talk to me about it.”

“I couldn’t, you were too fixed on Natalie!” he said, raising his voice in frustration. “Every time I tried to talk to you, you made some snide comment about how ‘I was always with Natalie’ or how I was ‘going to go see Natalie,’ when I was working on my career! Do you remember what we said when we first met? Our career always comes first. Always!”

“Yes, but I didn’t love you back then!” you screamed. “How— what are we even comparing? I want to further my career. I would seize every opportunity, but never at the expense of our relationship! I— I always thought we would make it work. I imagined you flying from Paris to New York to take snapshots for magazines that would pay a fortune to have your amazing pictures, but you would be a phone call away when I lost a case. You would be here to give me a victory kiss when I won a tough one.”

“Yeah,” he said, holding out the packet of biscuits. You shook your head, and he gave you a sad smile. “I guess life doesn’t work out how we want it sometimes.”

You looked at him for a long moment, trying to find the person you so loved under the cloud of animosity that had hidden him away lately. 

“You know,” you began, taking a sip of your tea to gather the strength for the words you were about to say, “we could still try to work it out if you would be open to giving us another chance.”

Alex bit his lip, searching your gaze. He opened his mouth to reply. 

His phone rang, the caller flashing brightly where it lay on the kitchen table. Natalie. “Sorry, let me just—” he said, picking up the call. “We’ll talk later. I need to take this. Hello?” 

Your face fell. “Don’t bother,” you mumbled, watching him leave the kitchen.

Two weeks. You could do two weeks.

[granulesofsand]

Hello!

I’ve been self identified as a system for a couple years now. But I feel like the depth of my system hasn’t been exposed yet. Like the alters that front and that we are able to identify are just “surface level”, like they’re just the dumbed down version of what’s actually going on? If that makes sense?

But I still feel like there is a lot levels to my system yet to be found. Like I’m kinda locked out of my own head to some degree. I don’t know if this is a thing I should even attempt to think about? If it’s something that is better untouched. And even then I’m not sure how to unearth such things or if I’m even ready to handle the, likely emotional repercussions, of doing so.

And I’m not sure if this part of the system is being kept repressed for any certain reason or if there hasn’t been a trigger for it yet. Just confused and honestly frustrated, because it feels next to impossible to tackle healing, if I feel like I run into a block every time I dig too far.

Do you have any advice for this? I don’t want to force any certain alter to show themselves, of course, but it’s getting frustrating.

Progress in Healing

Patience

Cooperation takes time. You might not have access to those with answers or they might be holding back. You& might be together in your& exploration and all unaware.

Amnesia is not an inherently bad thing. It can be inconvenient for social expectations, but it was put up for a reason. Front-facing alters tend to have less access to traumatic materials, even/especially if the trauma is ongoing.

Healing is not a race. You can easily damage the process by pushing too far. Unless you sense a threat to your& well-being, move deliberately. Like a dark room, you need not claw down the walls if an exit lies two paces beside you. Panic will leave you with nothing but bloody nails.

Progress

That said, there are the regular steps to get through a plateau. Work on building communication (internal or external), giving one another dignity and space to exist. Trust is built slowly, but it is the best method for healing.

Trust lifts amnesia fogs if they’re playing a role. It gives the others a chance to feel themselves out, sometimes yielding more depth. It entices the weary to join you in your pursuits.

It’s bound to be a long road ahead of you, but each success will add to your momentum. A spiral staircase; you might not see the distance you’ve come, but these circles are not without purpose. You are lifted higher out of the pit with every step, so long as you keep moving forward.

That’s not our metaphor, but it is important to us. It comes from System Speak. You’ve been dropped down a well that you need to climb out of, but the only way is a spiral staircase. Each step is a little higher than before, even if the landings seem to go on forever. You might notice you’re in a similar position as a few cycles ago, but you’ve taken more steps to get here now.

Shame

Looking at shame is a good place to start. Notice how it feels and what made it like that. Sit with it for a moment, then turn towards it, then get closer and closer until you can start taking chunks off.

Things you were told growing up, cultural sentiments that made trauma hard, all the things that added salt to your drinking water over time (also not our metaphor). That helps practice being safe for the others and yourself.

Working through shame brings up issues you didn’t realize were there. You don’t always get to work through what you find, but it should give you the push you need to get moving again.

So

There is no guaranteed answer to how to heal. You don’t need to be healing constantly to be okay. Some seasons are for rest, and that is enough. The trees sleeping through the winter cold are no less for keeping well.

You should proceed however you feel safe, but look out for signs that you’re overdoing it. All wounds heal in their own time, and you have yet to receive a fatal blow. Don’t make these the reason you give out.

[pyropsychiccollector]

How would Makoto X Chisa happen? She is in your top five favorite Makoto pairings so I wouldn't be surprised if you got that planned out. Even if she is a teacher for another class.

Chisa-chan is special, yes. Similar to Toko, Ruruka, Sonia, Maki.... Essentially, canon gives them different love interests. Not an impossible obstacle to overcome, and it's practically a relief for girls like Chisa and Toko, considering the guys they initially like are... Well. Guys are allowed to turn a girl down if they're just not interested; there's no obligation to reciprocate. People are still free to ship Byakuya x Toko and Kyosuke x Chisa if they like. ... It's just we have as much a right to ship as we please, too.

... Long tangent there, but essentially, Kyosuke isn't really an obstacle for Makoto to overcome. Kyosuke is very driven, focused, and with the Tragedy no longer an issue (at least as we know it), Kyosuke is free to focus on his initial vision of an overseas campus for Hope's Peak (Vergil will be getting around to this campus within the next couple years). This means Chisa and Juzo are still at the original Hope's Peak, doing surveillance for him, but with the Kamukura Project derailed this leaves them with a lot of free time. So Chisa can remain focused on being a teacher. And naturally, in the Hope Universe, she's got classmates that are now teachers, so it's not like she's a lonely teacher with Class 77, fighting the good fight against the corrupt parts of Hope's Peak. :P

The nice thing about NaeChisa is that it's not so outlandish, age-wise. Yes, Chisa is a teacher, but she's only a few years older than Makoto (appr. 4 years older). She just needs to be kept in line when she gets affectionate with Makoto, save the dating stuff for after he graduates. But that's what her classmates are for, I suppose. :P But then again, her fellow teachers are in the same boat, pining after the Egg.... so they all keep each other in check. .... Yeah.

Makoto and Chisa just gravitate to each other because of their similar dispositions. Kind, caring, wanting to help others out, a bit lonely on the inside, feels small compared to their classmates.... Makoto becomes Chisa's favorite TA, and she's.... very affectionate with him. That's the thing about NaeChisa, you're not ultimately sure where the "love" begins and where it'll end. They click well together, and that's what matters. Makoto's not sure himself where and when he grew to love his teacher in.... that way.... But she's honestly near and dear to his heart, and he does want her happy. When he initially noticed his crush, he was fearful of stepping on toes because Chisa made it clear toward the beginning of the school year that she liked Kyosuke.... So he made an effort to bury/hide his crush...

But you know Makoto. Terrible liar, and Chisa's been aware of her crush for longer, and it's not that hard to see when Makoto's dwelling on something big like this. Poor guy can't hide his blushes to save his life~ Chisa tries to hold herself back for a little while, 'cause Ikue and other staff keep drilling it into her head "student-teacher relations are a no-no..." Alas. Chisa can't hold herself back forever, and it's not easy seeing Classes 78, 77, and 76 gun after the luckster. So popular~.... You're probably wondering about her crush for Kyosuke. ... Well, with Kyosuke over in America building his academy, he doesn't have time for romance. And he's always come off as more of a close friend than a lover; she made sure to get his blessing before pursing.... well, "someone else."

What? Did you think Chisa would tell her other best friend that she's crushing hard on a student????? Juzo already gave her an earful, catching sight of pictures of Makoto used as wallpapers on her phone. She doesn't want to test Kyosuke and see if he'll come running back to Japan because of this "development." She has his blessing, and this is enough. (❋•‿•❋)

Never mind that Kyosuke already knows because Juzo and all the other girls from Class 74 have already notified him about it, and he trusts them to keep Chisa from going.... overboard and getting fired because of relations with a student.

So, Chisa eventually drops her feelings like a bombshell onto Makoto, like all the other female teachers, on Valentine's Day. Even gets away with letting her luckster cop a feel while he's dazed from his face being smushed up in her fluffy pillows~.... Ikue puts her foot down, of course. None of the teachers are officially allowed to date Makoto until graduation.... But still~ Doesn't stop the girls from being chummy. ..... And sometimes risque with wearing no panties under their skirts. (❋•‿•❋)

[wsknbfanaccnt]

THANK YOU TILLI FOR THE TRANSLATIONS BELOW❤❤❤

You're finally home. It was almost the last train, so it was very late. You’re welcome, and thanks for hanging out with me too! Yeah, good night. See you tomorrow. Sorry. Still, wait. I just want to be around you a little longer. I guess not? I’ve been with you all today and I like you even more than before. I was kind of sad to leave you like this. Hah, what happened? Your face is red. Are you nervous because I pulled you close? Hah, I don't tease you. I’m serious. Can I kiss you? Don’t look so embarrassed. Don't worry. It’s just a light kiss on the cheek. It’s okay? Thank you. Then close your eyes. *kiss (on the lips I guess)* Are you surprised? I really meant to do a light kiss on the cheek, but you looked so defenseless that I ended up taking it from you. I’m not afraid at all when you get angry with red-face like that. Besides, it must have felt good to you too. Ah, wait, it hurts! I get it, I’m not going to do anything else! You’re really cute for getting upset over something like this. However, it is impossible for me to do nothing in this a situation. Hey, can I ask you for a favor? Can you stay with me until morning like this? I guess not?

What happened? Can’t sleep? Then, come here! Hah, that’s okay. I’m going to hold you forever until you fall asleep. You will probably fall asleep soon. No need to apologize. This way I feel safe too. Am I kind? Of course, you are my precious wife. How can you not be special to me? Don’t tell me things like this out of nowhere. U- ugh- c-cute? It doesn’t make me happy when you say things like that. The word “cute” is not something you say to a man. Besides you’re kinder and... cuter. Don’t surprise me "I love you so much" out of the blue! Oh, don't be sad, I'm not "unhappy"! Because I love you too, now when you mention it, I was very happy. Sorry. After all, today I can’t stay gentle. If you don’t understand, I’ll show you. The thing like this. *kiss* You finally understand. Hey, listen up. About you... Like this... Oh, why do you run away? You were the one who invited me.  It's okay for me to not be kind sometimes, right? All you have to do is be obedient and listen to me. Okay?

Time flies really fast with you, it’s already this late. Hey, it’s about time... Eh, "I want to be with you some more?". Yes, I agree, but I’ll leave you now today. I want to stay with you too, but I don’t think we can stay like this forever. And being together shouldn’t be the only way to be lovers. We have each other even though we are far apart. Don’t think that’s too bad. Oh, oh, don’t look so lonely. Me too. Honestly I feel the same way you do. I always want to feel you close to me and see your smile. But I don’t want to be in a relationship where we’re ruining each other’s lives. We’re going to be together for a long time to come. A relationship where we can grow together is desirable anyway. Yes? Right? So, we have to say goodbye now. But a little more, come to me and let me hold you. It’s not like we’re saying goodbye forever. Even though I know we’ll see each other again soon. I wonder why it is so hard to say goodbye. I know the answer. Maybe because I like you too much. Love you. *kiss* I’m going to be thinking about you all the time until the next time I see you. I think it's good that I’m not the only one who thinks so. I’m glad you think about me a little too. So, see you again! Let me see your smile. Because I'll think about you all the time. Good night. See you tomorrow.

[highlifeboat]

Now we shall talk about Zoe, Sarah and Cassandra being horny for Mia :p

I mean we totally can.

I think part of Zoe always kind of found Mia's fighting ability pretty hot. Like, back in Dulvey, before Eveline really started to break Mia down and the two of them were surviving together, Zoe would see the way Mia handled herself against the molded and it just... did something for her. And it still does.

Like she'll be laying in bed with Mia next to her, just thinking about stuff, and get this memory or thought of a time Mia saved her ass from one of those things. And she looks like a mess but is giving off this confidence that just makes the whole thing way hotter than it should be. And sometimes Mia still shows that confidence and it still gets Zoe all flushed. She also just really wants to put her face between Mia's tits and lay there forever.

Cass gets off when Mia just straight up manhandles her. Like, Mia can make Cass feel like prey and there is just something so incredibly alluring about it, because it's a near impossible feat. Bonus points if Mia just straight up leaves her hanging, and/or is covered in blood. (Because honestly their relationship is basically a Mia corruption arc. She is killing and maiming and Cass fucking loves it) Actually, Mia covered in blood in general is something Cass finds pretty fucking sexy.

Cass so badly wants to bend Mia over a table and make her her bitch. But also so badly wants Mia to throw her on the bed or pin her against a wall and turn her into a whiney mess. Either way she sees it as a win.

Sarah is honestly all over Mia just for existing. I mean, that woman's sex drive is insane. But I like to think of Mia wearing a nice dress shirt that's not fully done up, with the sleeves rolled up and maybe some nice pants and Sarah just losing their fucking mind over it.

They need Mia so bad, they want to feel her hands on every part of their body, and bury their face into her neck while she huffs and moans and tells them how good they are. They want her fingers in their hair while they're down between her legs making her feel amazing. They want her body pressing up against theirs while they share passionate kisses and say how much they love each other.

Like literally Mia in just some more revealing clothing is all it takes for Sarah. They'd go nuts over Mia in a tank top and shorts.

[i-sveikata]

Gabbyyyy, you really wasn't joking about them arguing almost whole chapter 🤣 When I thought, oh its ending.. nope. They still going 😂 But honestly it was very needed. They weren't this honest for a while, especially Pete. Baby is learning not run away (that much ._.) His emotions, thoughts, ah, masterpiece.

I honestly was so drained after finishing, cause I could feel this tension, seriousness of the situation and the topics. And it says a lot about good writing! Completely emersed in the moment which felt like hours 😅 (Literally it took me hours to read all of that). But don't get me wrong, I loved all of it! Like someone wrote in the comments, did you felt tired while writing? Cause all of their emotions changing, Pete overthinking, Vagas' love bombing - it was a LOT.

Seriously, Pete had so many realizations, I wouldn't be surprised if he goes to sleep with headache 😅 Adding to this Korn's "death". Or is he really dead? Maybe that's something you would like to change in your story and I wouldn't mind 😂

Considering how close we are to the end of events in the drama.. I wonder if you plan to change anything from the main story? And how about post canon? How much after it?

In the series Gun was very on for the coup because I think he believed that Korn was dead. In this case he really doesn't buy it, which is fair.

I know that it's hard not to spoil too much but maybe something ...? Like if they have at least a few days or weeks? It's hard for their development when so much is going on with the family. Time is ticking and I really don't want this fic to end with just small post credits scene 😭

So the real question is if you planned to change any major events or not? Don't need to know which yet 😅

Another thing is how I love Pete and Porsche relationship. They both need each other which I found really lacking in the series. I love how you acknowledged that Porsche relationship with Kinn wasn't so pure like many often overlook. No romanticizing rape 🙏 But still creating a story and very real characters.

I think Porsche and Vegas are right. Pete should do what his heart says. (Not only because I want him pursuing Vegas 😅). It's surprised me how healthy Vegas seems to be acting, considering him being himself. I do believe that they would make a great power couple! Vegas sees this as much as we do 😁

Really, I have so much good to say about this chapter. It was intense but worth it. So, so worth it.

Thank you again for this! I will write to you again when more thoughts come 😊

And now I go sleep 😅 Time difference is really fun when you try to be online when your favourite creators are 😅

Love you 🖤

hello hello!!! omg HAHAHAHA I REALLY WASNT like me too i was literally like okay lets wrap this up now but NOPE they clearly had way too much to say now that they floodgates had been opened and these kind of things were finally being said.

they really needed it. pete definitely need it!! omg i totally understand its such an emotionally draining moment that literally feels like it goes on forever when like it reality it would have been like ten minutes or something?!?! god i hate them hahahahhaha

no i totally was the same afterward like i was not expecting it to come out to the degree that it did, felt like it took forever for me to write and it was super heavy as a scene because they were basically running around in circles the whole time trying to figure out how they can trust each other, still trying to find a way that this could work for the both of them. its an impossible situation!!! of course it wouldnt be an easy solution. but damn at least theyre really talking.

oh yeah pete really did have a bit of reckoning this chapter, finally facing most of the things he's been ignoring or not fully understanding about himself.

oh no we are not near the end yet im going to go well past the end credits scene!!! no wasnt planning to leave it at that, they need more time to work their shit out lol. yeah theres a few things im going to tweak in the canon, but nothing too huge i think? or i guess it depends on your opinion i guess time will tell!

yeah me too they could have been a great friendship but it was so half assed in the show- we could have had so much more from them. oh of course!! that was shady as hell there was no way i was going to gloss over that not after the way we've gone into the horror of what happened to pete. honestly wouldnt have made sense NOT to include that part too. porsche and kinn honestly had an equally dubious start.

omg lol funny you say that but we're going to be seeing a bit of a backslide on vegas' part for that. its more like he can do this right, can make sure they try and communicate properly because it matters to him that this relationship will work out. that they'll last. were going to see a new side to him because of his injuries, because they put him in a very vulnerable place (one that he's been in many times before) and it brings out his 'survival mode' kind of instincts. we can definitely expect some interesting behaviour from vegas in the future.

thank you so much for your lovely comment!! and for trying to be online when i am lol that seems like fighting a losing battle when you're australian- we're like the nightbloggers for everyone else because of the time difference hahha have a nice sleep!

[random-potat]

and they were roommates - kjs. - pt. 4

part 4. moving in (wc. 456)

Packing your belongings that's enough for six weeks in forty-five minutes is definitely easier said than done, but alas, it is not completely impossible. Honestly, you can't really tell if you are overpacked or underpacked. What mattered most was that Bada didn't kill you for procrastinating.

With five minutes to spare, you rush down to the parking lot to store your luggage in the trunk of the car.

The rest of your members come down to say goodbye. Let's just say the dramatics were turned on, that's for sure. 

“I'm surprised you actually packed quickly,” your leader says. 

“What can I say? I'm serious about my cookie dough.” 

"I can't believe you’re leaving me behind,” Ria dramatically wails. 

Rolling your eyes, you pull her in for a hug. “It’s not like I’m permanently moving; I’ll be gone for like six weeks.” You pat Ria’s back and say, "Plus, we’ll still see each other for practice.” 

“That’s only if there is something to practice for.” Eunwoo interrupts, hugging the two of you. 

Bada lovingly pinches Eunwoo. “Don't say that, Eunwoo, we still have festivals to practice for,” Bada says as she joins in the group hug. 

“As much as I would hate to break this group moment, we really have to go now, YN,” manager Woo interrupts. 

After saying what seems to be but isn’t really your final goodbyes to your group members, you head into the car for a long one and a half-hour drive away from the city.

After a long ride that only involved sleeping, you arrive outside of the shared villa that you’ll eventually be sharing with five other people, who also happen to be idols. “Can’t wait to get cancelled,” you thought. 

Manager Woo begins to give you a quick debrief of what is going to happen.  

“Everything is already set up in the house. The producers will be in the hallway guiding you where to go, and you guys will all be entering individually.”

“Wow, this is some Love Island-type shit. Minus the love part,” you quickly look around your surroundings, “and the island,” you respond.

Manager Woo gives you a stern look and says, "After that, everything is going to be directed by the producer. Schedules will be sent to you like normal, but most things won’t interrupt the filming for this show.

You nod your head.

Manager Woo gave a small smile, "Just enjoy the experience, don’t take everything too seriously, okay?”

"Sir, yes, sir.” You send a mocking salute.

Getting out of the car and dragging your luggage towards the house, you take a deep breath in and out. “Of course I’m the first one going in. Well, here goes nothing. A hot new bombshell enters the villa.”

a/n: very subtle love island references cause that was my hyperfixation when i was writing this in the summer :p but other than that hope you guys are enjoying it so far. really just creating this as i go but i do have ideas that i know i want to be in the story, so we'll just have to see where this ends up lmao!! also school has officially started as im posting this so that's really fun :)) much more writing to do although essays aren't fun

synopsis: With long-time K-pop fans asking for another season of the infamous variety show We Got Married, MBC brings it back with a spin-off, We Became Roommates. As a way to bring K-pop fans together, the first season involves six idols born in 2005. With seeing each other every day, doing missions for every episode, making memories, and fans watching and shipping, blossoming friendships and a bubbling romance can't be helped. pairing: idol!jongseob x fem idol!reader genre: idol au, crack, fluff, humour, coworkers to friends to lovers

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[bvnfjr]

I keep trying to find the right words to write but nothing feels strong enough for the amount of remorse and regret I feel about potentially breaking something in you again. For that, I am truly sorry and I feel ashamed and guilty about how much of my own self-interest allowed me to fuck up your current life. I have only ever wanted to bring you joy and love, and for the second time in my life I have done the opposite, and that kills me. I am so sorry.

I don’t want you to regret leaving me. It happened. We built our lives and made our own choices, some good, some bad. I don’t regret the lives we lived. Also, we can’t know for sure that things would have been better if we had stayed together. We could have made each other miserable and in another parallel universe, you could be feeling regrets about staying with me for the past seventeen years. Everything past the point of our relationship is hypothetical and while we have created beautiful situations in our heads, it’s all fantasy and imagination. I do not deny the way we feel for each other is real. I know our love is deep and true and special, but having them now does nothing but cause each other to yearn and want the impossible. And that is causing some very real damage for you.

I’m sorry for being so selfish. For constantly popping into your life with words that are better left to myself. I am sorry for being so nosey, curious and finding external validation in you. It wasn’t fair to come in and fuck your shit up like that, just because I am messy at the moment. I don’t want to muddy up your life. I don’t want our chaos affect your real life and your real relationships. I have always wanted to be someone safe, comfortable, warm and joyful to you. And right now, I feel very much like the opposite of that, and it makes me feel quite ill to be honest.

I love you so much.

I care for you so warmly and so deeply that all I ever want to do is talk to you and tell you that I love you, that I find you adorable and gorgeous and I want to spend the rest of my life kissing that beautiful face of yours and sleeping in your nook forever. I have really enjoyed the conversations we have had recently. It is just so easy to talk to you and I ride that high for hours, knowing that there is someone in the world that I can talk to so freely and honestly, and know that they are so safe that I could never say anything that would cause them to judge me.

But I also love you so much in a way that I know that talking like this will kill us. And I won’t allow that. It’s obvious that you need to figure some of your stuff out, and you probably need to do that without me clouding up your judgement. You need to water your grass, and see what is growing and what isn’t. Work hard to create the life that you strive for. The one where curiosity, creativity and play lead to contentment and genuine happiness. And I want you to do that with her. Or at least try. Because I think you two could have an absolutely beautiful life together, once you both get out of this rut. One where you don’t have to give up everything and live in a city you don’t love for someone who doesn’t even know if she truly believes in the love you so badly want and deserve.

I don’t know what I am saying either in this letter. Probably just a big, fat apology for opening that can of worms. If you wanna talk to me about this letter, I am happy to talk to you. But if you decide to stop talking to me for a while, or for forever, I understand that too.

I am so sorry.

[inhuman-obey-me]

Hey hey hey! Congratulations on the 2700! So insane seeing the growth over the year+ I've been following <3 (Also, goodness, you guys write so much during the celebrations that I'd still need the little bit of inactivity to catch up lmao >w< Hope life's going okay for you guys!)

⏳ - You are the moment I belong to, with Solomon, MC included please?

Ahah thank youuuu, we're glad the inactivity is good for something at least 🙈 even if we really do want to get back to posting regularly soon!! And thanks for being one of our earliest followers, it's always a delight to see your tag commentary about our stuff!

"You are the moment I belong to." - Solomon x MC

Sometimes, you're not sure how you never saw it before.

You see it now -- how immortality lives in him. You see it in the way his mysterious smile hides more secrets than could possibly be collected in a single lifetime. You can hear it in how deftly his tongue moves across words in spells that should have long since been lost to time. It is in his hands when they linger just a fraction of a second longer on old names in your books, and hidden deep in his unreadable eyes when his gaze holds yours.

It's the things that are there in a moment and gone in the next -- the distant ache you sense for a fraction of a second at a time before the usual cheerful mischief returns to his countenance. He's so good at hiding it, at brushing it away like he brushes your hair from your face before his lips meet yours. He gently sweeps past it, like the wind on your face as you smile at the sun together, and when he does, oh how badly you want to let him. You want to just be swept into the warmth of the moment and the wonderful feeling of simply being beside each other, where you can lie back and almost forget about it.

But you can't forget, not really. Not anymore.

You can hear it now, and now you hear it in everything. It's in the skillful way he dodges admitting anything about himself, be it future plans or distant past. In the way he says "I love you" but never "forever" or "always." In his sigh of relief as he says, "It's really good to see your face. It just...puts me at ease," and in the odd breath of fear hiding in his voice as he tells you, "It just makes me feel better to feel your hand in mine. To know you're here with me."

And in your mind, you can hear it, you can't help it, it's there, the silent rest of the sentence --

"For now."

He blinks at you, stunned, not quite sure what you mean by the words you've blurted out. You didn't mean to, honestly. But you can't help it anymore, you hear it even if he doesn't say it, and you can't stand leaving it unsaid anymore. So you let the pent up fears start to slip from your eyes, and you continue.

"I'm here with you, for now, you mean. For this one little moment in your impossibly long life, I'm here. That's what you're thinking, isn't it? Always thinking about how this is temporary...here with you now, but always looking out to a time when I won't be."

He opens his mouth to protest, but for once, the ever smooth sorcerer is left speechless. He can't exactly deny it, and yet you're wrong. You don't understand, and how could you? And how can he explain it so that you do?

"No, MC, no, I'm -- not looking to a time when you'll be gone." He grips your hand tighter, pulls you in close so that he can wrap you tightly against his chest. He can't look you in the eyes this way, but you feel his heartbeat against you as he tries to find the words to reassure you. "I'm -- it's not another time I'm looking out to. I'm holding on to this time."

You can feel the sincerity in his words but can't help still trembling slightly in his embrace. Of course you know that he's not looking forward to when you'll be gone. Of course he wants to hold on to this time, but... "Solomon, I'm right here. How can you hold on to this time if you aren't in it with me? Solomon, please, just...be here with me. Live this time with me."

"I am. I am, my love. You're -- I'm so sorry. I am here with you, really. There's nowhere, no time, I'd rather be but with you. You, here with me now, it means everything to me. This time together, this moment, is the most precious thing I've ever had, the most precious time of my life -- finally meeting my beloved, after an eternity."

The warm drop of tears falls against your back, as his composure begins to crack as well, and you turn to him, placing your hand against his cheek to make him face you again. "Then why, Solomon? Why are you always thinking of how this isn't going to last?"

"I -- you're right, MC. It's true, I do think of the day when you'll be gone -- I think of it, and it terrifies me. I want this time between us to last forever, even if I know it won't." His eyes are pleading to you, begging you to understand what he means. He takes your hand from his cheek, pressing your fingers tenderly to his lips instead.

"But even if it won't, even if you're only here for this time, for this moment of my life...you are the moment I belong to. I love you. I love you now, and I will love you when you're gone. That will always be true. So even if these moments with you are all I can have, you will have all of mine. Forever. I promise."

This stupid man. This stupid, stupid, beautiful man, but it settles you now. This stupid man, with his beautiful words and beautiful heart, and brilliant mind always stupidly unspoken --

Your lips find his, and in that moment, it's as though time is frozen and rushing past you two at once. You are drinking in the intensity of his passion as you share yours in return.

When at last you pull apart again, your eyes lock with his, and your voice is solid again, insistent.

"Then take all my moments too, Solomon. Because I'll love you too, even when I'm gone. Always."

[messers-moony]

Runaways | R.B

Paring: Regulus Black X Twin!Fem!Reader

Summary: Regulus refuses to lose yet another sibling after Sirius leaves.

Being a Hufflepuff Prefect with a mischievous older Gryffindor brother is a lot of work. Sirius is frequently getting into trouble, and Remus is no help. But honestly? Y/n isn’t either. If anything, she laughs at her brother and her friend's antics. Y/n is the only Black family member still in good shape with all her family. 

Sirius was overjoyed when Y/n was into Hufflepuff. His little sister following in his footsteps of no longer being a Slytherin. However, Y/n’s twin brother - Regulus - was sorted into Slytherin. She didn’t let that define their relationship. Y/n was close with her twin and the Marauders. Remus often bumped her shoulder in the halls making her smile. The werewolf often had that effect on her. So did James, and so did Peter. 

But no one made a giant smile appear on her face than Sirius and Regulus. 

“Oi! Little sis!” His voice, it was calm and bright, something she hadn’t heard in a long time. 

Y/n turned, “Hey Siri.”

Sirius’ arm went around her shoulders, “How’s your day been?”

“Good, yours?”

“Oh,” Sirius sighed, dreaming, making her chuckle, “It’s been perfect, dear sister.”

“What did you do now?” Y/n fake scolded, “Everything.” Sirius replied. 

A familiar raven-haired boy was making their way towards them, hoping and praying that they wouldn’t notice. His green tie and green robes. The prefect badge on the left side of his chest. The wavy black hair and the beautiful grey eyes. The 5’11 Slytherin walking towards his twin sister and older brother. The people he adored the most in the world but barely talked to within the castle walls. His plan ultimately failed. 

Regulus turned to walk by his two siblings only for Y/n to wrap an around his shoulder, “Reggie!”

“Y/n, Sirius.” Regulus greeted with the corners of his lips barely turning up, “How’s your day been?” Sirius asked, turning to look at his younger brother. 

“Good until two idiots came along.” He joked with a smile adorning his features. 

Y/n put her hand on her heart dramatically, “You wound me!”

Both brothers chuckled, and a Professor came to greet them in the middle of the hallway, seeing their beautiful smiling faces, “All three Black’s in one spot. How brilliant!” Slughorn commented as Sirius faked tipping his hat. 

The three Black siblings. The Black trio. One Gryffindor, one Slytherin, and one Hufflepuff. Oh, how Walburga adored them despite the way she treated them. It was never in her heart to treat them the way she does. Orion had such a soft spot for his twins. But alas, both parents knew that if they didn’t raise them correctly - or without abuse - they would only get hurt worse. Walburga knew that if she treated them the way she truly wanted to, they’d be split. 

But that never compared to the aching in her heart when she had to cast a spell on her children. The kids she was sworn to protect. Walburga never wanted this life, never wanted to marry Orion, hell, she never even wanted kids, but Merlin, her kids were great. Slughorn and McGonagall would send her letters of how wonderfully they’ve been doing in their studies, how Sirius made another cauldron explode, how Regulus caught the snitch and won the Quidditch Cup, how Y/n made prefect and was top of her class. 

It was beautiful, and for once, Walburga was happy. She hid all the letters from Orion. If Orion knew he’d made Walburga send a howler, and she didn’t want that. Godric how she hated the awful red colors the howlers came in. The awful shade of brilliant rose. It brought a grimace to her face just thinking about it. But like everything, the truth comes out, and Sirius eventually got a howler. 

Sirius let go of Y/n to begin Transfiguration while the two twins made their way to Herbology. Not before Sirius kissing the tops of their heads like he did when they were kids, “I love you guys!”

“Black, get in here!” McGonagall yelled, and both twins laughed, “We love you too!” They replied in unison. 

Regulus and Y/n laughed, their arms around each other's shoulders, “I never want him to leave.” Regulus admitted. 

“Me either.”

The day was uneventful. More learning, more foolishness, and more laughter. Professor Sprout couldn’t help but smile at the Black twins in her classroom. Regulus was always ice cold when not around his siblings. They made him shine even if he couldn’t find a reason to. It didn’t matter where they were. The Black trio always brought smiles with them. Whether it was Y/n and Sirius, the twins, or all three, their smiles, their laughs, their happiness was so contagious. Three children from an abusive home, coming together to make each other smile. How is it possible?

Y/n would be the answer. The glue to the Black family. The bond to keep her brothers from drifting apart. But that all changed in the summer of 1976.

It was dark and another day of yelling. Sirius couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to leave. He wanted to go. It was bound to happen. He kept telling himself. But did that excuse leaving his siblings behind? Would he risk their safety for his own pleasure? Sirius didn’t have time to think about it. He packed his trunk and opened the window. One leg out and just about to get the other over until his door opened. 

His little sister, “Sirius?”

“Hey, sis…” Sirius hated how his voice shook and almost broke.

“What- Where are you going?”

He couldn’t help it; she needed to know the truth, “Away. Far away from here.”

Y/n crossed her arms slowly, “Without saying goodbye?”

“Goodbye?” Sirius replied with a nervous smile. 

She shook her head with a smile, walking toward his window. Sirius expected a smack, a lecture. But she didn’t do that. Y/n cupped both his cheeks and kissed his forehead like he did when she was hurt. Tears filled his grey eyes without permission as he stared at his younger sister's glossed eyes. Gently she ran her hand through his hair, moving it back. 

“I suppose you were never good at goodbyes.”

“Not really, no.” Sirius chuckled. 

Y/n smiled, “I know you aren’t happy here. You were never happy here.” Sirius interrupted before she could continue, “You could give Remus a run for his money.”

“Listen, Sirius, please.” She pleaded, and Sirius looked at her eyes; he’d miss them, “All I ask, is that you take care of yourself. Regulus and I, we’ll manage. But you should say goodbye to him too….”

“Go get him.”

It took minutes, but Regulus was eventually standing in front of his older brother, one leg out of the window and the other inside his bedroom. Y/n stood behind them, arms crossed with tears streaming down her cheeks silently. Regulus looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn’t. Sirius didn’t care anymore. Silver trails ran down his cheeks, especially when Regulus hugged his older brother with all his strength. 

“I'm going to miss you.”

Sirius sniffled, “I’ll miss you a hundred times more.”

“Impossible.” Y/n interjected, smiling. 

Regulus and Sirius pulled apart, Regulus now standing beside his twin, “I need you to know,” Sirius began, looking at Regulus, “James isn’t your replacement. He is nothing compared to you. You’re my brother, always.”

“And you,” He turned to Y/n after Regulus nodded, “You’re my baby sister, through and through. Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean you can give me detention.” 

They chuckled, and possibly for the last time, “Always.”

“Forever.”

“Together.”

Sirius gave a watery smile and finished the jump out his window. Wordlessly Y/n shut it behind him. Regulus stood in front of the glass pane until Sirius was out of sight and gave a heavy sigh. Y/n was standing right beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“I knew it was going to happen. I just wish it wasn’t so soon.” Regulus whispered, “I know.” Y/n agreed. 

Regulus took her hand, “Forever.”

“Together.” Y/n replied, squeezing his hand. 

So many they lost their always, but they still had each other. The next night at dinner was dreadful. Possibly the worst one yet, “Where is he!”

“I- I don’t know.” Y/n answered, cowering away, her hand rubbing her forearm.

Walburga looked at Regulus, and he shook his head, “Where is Sirius?”

“Gone.” Walburga replied to her husband, who gave a mere shrug at the answer, “Our heir is gone, Orion! What are we going to do now.”

“The reasonable thing, Y/n is next in line.”

Walburga scoffed, “Absolutely not.”

Regulus reached for his sister's hand after noticing the tears collecting in her eyes, “She is a disgrace! Just like Sirius!”

Orion put down the daily prophet, looking at his wife across the table, “What would you like me to do about it?”

“Regulus!” The boy stiffened, “You are our next heir.”

“No!” Y/n exclaimed, her rage taking over, “That isn’t how it works! I’m the next in line, disgrace or not. I'm older than Regulus.”

Walburga pulled out her wand, but Y/n didn’t flinch, “With that courage, you should be in Gryffindor.” The older woman seethed.

“You feel no remorse, do you?” Y/n asked, but she did; Godric, Walburga hated herself, “Putting your wand to my neck like I’m some training dummy.”

“How do you think we feel! Our older brother is gone! The one who took care of us because our parents can’t.”

Y/n had tears flowing down her cheeks, “How do you think we feel?”

The girl stood up from the table without being dismissed after letting go of Regulus’ hand, “I saw the tapestry.”

“You burned him from it! What kind of monster are you?! He’s your son regardless of his house. I’ll be your heir, but I will never be your puppet.”

Y/n ran up to her bedroom. Walburga and Orion stared at their son, who sat as stiff as a board. More minutes passed, and Regulus left the table too but not before speaking to his parents, “I’ll- I’ll be your heir. I’ll be your son.”

“Brilliant. Thank you, Regulus.” Walburga smiled.

Regulus lost his brother. He wasn’t losing his sister. But over time, it felt like he was. There was no more laughter in the halls. Only one Black sibling was laughing and smiling - Sirius. There was no more hugging in the halls, no more playing around. Regulus and Y/n were ice. They were cold and in pain. That was the first thing Sirius noticed. His siblings hadn’t stopped by his carriage like usual. It dampened his mood. 

“Hey, I’m sure they’re just busy.” James had reassured, but Sirius wasn’t so sure.

It was the first ride to Hogwarts that Sirius was utterly silent. He played with the ribbon in his hand. It was a green ribbon that he carried with him everywhere. The boys never knew what it was or where it came from. They had just discovered that Sirius would fidget with it when he was upset. Remus noticed it first - of course - but James did too, and shortly Peter followed. It was her ribbon, Y/n’s ribbon. A ribbon she wore in her hair when she was seven. 

After a bad punishment, Sirius had been given Y/n took care of him. Washed his cuts and plastered them. It was then she learned how much Sirius loved when people did his hair. So she braided it for him and tied it off with her green ribbon. He remembered the way it felt on his fingertips. So perfectly combed and webbed together. It was the reason his hair was long enough to braid. Every Quidditch match, he’d weave it. James asked why once, and Sirius ignored him, but Y/n knew. It was okay to keep secrets sometimes. 

Fifth-year for the twins went by smoothly. Sirius’ sixth year was hell. He missed his siblings so much somedays it was hard to get up in the morning. Regardless it was hard to get Sirius out of bed in the morning, but this year was particularly rough. It was like he was in a constant state of Remus after the full moon - tired, fatigued and sad. 

He missed Regulus’ smile and Y/n’s laughter. Godric, he missed everything! Sirius cried - sobbed about it at night. His silencing charms weren’t good. It left James and Remus in a tricky spot. It was apparent he didn’t want to talk about it because if he did, he would’ve by now. Remus stopped seeing the twins during prefect rounds and stopped seeing Y/n altogether. It was like she was avoiding them. 

The twins did their prefect rounds together, studied together, and only talked to each other. It broke Sirius’ heart. He ruined everything just for his own pleasure. But hadn’t Y/n meant what she said? That she wanted him to be happy? Sirius wasn’t happy. He was far from it. 

Regulus had nightmares every night about his parents. About his brother leaving, about everything. So he didn’t sleep most nights, and instead, he threw himself into his studies. Occasionally he’d realized that he had done two essays and then understood that he no longer had to do his brother's homework. Regulus had copies of reports everywhere because it was a habit. A habit he had to lose. 

Y/n stopped baking extra cookies. Every Saturday, she’d go to the kitchens to bake a new delicacy the muggle way. Y/n couldn’t help but accidentally bake extra for her Gryffindor brother, only to realize that she wouldn’t give them to him. Instead, she gave them to the house elves to serve after dinner in the Great Hall. They’d appear on the Gryffindor table, and Sirius knew they were a product of her. 

During the summer holiday of 1977, Regulus began to notice that Y/n gone often. Walburga would send her away, or Orion would make her run an errand. Regardless Y/n wasn’t around as much. Was she going to run like Sirius? Walburga and Orion sent her to Auror training. Y/n was young, too young for this training. It was Auror training, but they weren’t training her to work for the Ministry. They were preparing for her to become a death eater. 

Weeks passed, and Regulus felt saddened by her absence. So one day at dinner, he spoke up, “Why haven’t you been present at home?”

Y/n chuckled, “Are you serious? You haven’t told him?”

“What- What do you mean?” Regulus questions suspiciously.

Walburga coughed, “She’s been put into training.”

“Training?”

“Auror training.”

“But not to be an Auror, to be a death eater.” 

Y/n scoffed, “Bullshit, tell him the real reason.” 

She looked at both her parents, “They don’t want me anymore. They send me away because it’s easier than disowning me, like Sirius.”

“N- No.” Regulus denied, “Mum, tell me that she’s lying.”

Silence, “Answer me, please.” Regulus pleaded as a water film glossed his grey eyes.

“She’s not lying.” Orion stated, and Regulus let his tears fall down his cheeks, “No! I won’t let you take her from me!”

Regulus stood up, and his chair flipped behind him, “If you disown her, you disown me!”

“Reggie…”

“No! Please no!” Regulus was clawing at his hair, sobbing, “Don’t take her too….” He whimpered. 

Y/n began to stand up until Walburga sent a spell her way, throwing her back. It just made Regulus cry more. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. They were sixteen! This wasn’t fair. So Regulus stood up and held back his tears. Walburga held her wand to his throat, making Y/n nervous. But Regulus was cold, ice cold. Hastily he grabbed his mother's wand and snapped it. Y/n didn’t have time to gape. Regulus ran to her, and they ran. 

Through the front door to anywhere else in the dark of the night. Orion was too busy with his wife to realize his children were gone. Y/n was sure they were miles away before they stopped. No magic could be done. They weren’t seventeen yet. They’d have to survive without magic. But then she heard it. A howl. It was a risk, a big one, but they had to take it. 

She took her brother's hand and began running towards it, “Y/n, where are we going?”

“To whatever is howling.”

“Are you mental?”

“Maybe.” Y/n shrugged. 

Suddenly he saw it. That look Sirius always had. She looked free, happy, and mischievous. Suddenly she wasn’t Y/n Black. She was just Y/n. His twin sister. The girl that would beg her brothers to adventure with her, to trust her blindly. That’s what he was doing now - trusting her blindly. They must’ve been miles away. Regulus didn’t even know how they got that far, but in the forest, the howling got louder. 

But at the edge of the forest was a black dog, guarding the entrance to the woods, making sure that no one entered. The stag was taking care of the werewolf. They took turns. One full moon, the dog, was to stand guard, next the stag. Y/n cried upon seeing the animal. She dropped to her knees, and Regulus knelt beside her. The dog looked familiar and gave them both great kisses. They fell asleep together. Y/n, Regulus and the dog. 

The following morning, James went back out to the forest after realizing Padfoot was missing. At the entrance of the forest, he saw them. The Black trio. So he left them. Sirius knew the way back; it wasn’t worth ruining their moment. Regulus stirred awake first and woke the dog. The dog left a multitude of kisses on the twins. Y/n woke up shortly after. 

Regulus was appalled to see the dog turn into his older brother but happy nonetheless, “Sirius!”

“Reggie.” Sirius replied, holding him close. 

They parted, and Sirius kissed his forehead, “How?”

“The howling.”

“How did you leave?”

“I snapped mum’s wand.”

Sirius looked flabbergasted, “Really?”

“She- She was going to separate us. I didn’t- I couldn’t lose another sibling.” Regulus admitted, and Sirius took him into his arms again, “Never again. I promise.”

Y/n chuckled, “Looks like we’re all runaways.”

Sirius grabbed her into the hug, “But we’re doing it together.”

[finelinevogue]

the fact that Y/N has post natal depression Is somewhat refreshing idk I just don't see it talked about much on here and if it is it's like Hella angsty and the partner doesn't understand what it is but I was wondering if u could touch on it a bit more cause it's something I'm really scared about happening to me and I just want harry to hold me and tell me it's going be okay 😚😚😚😚

P.s. if u don't wanna it's understandable

anon: can u write about harry helping y/n through her ppd maybe like the 3rd time was so bad that h decide that he won’t be having more children

so this was requested twice so i would love to be able to write this for you both, hope this is okay - mind it’s heavily angsty!;

tw: vomiting, ppd and od

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 12 weeks

Motherhood was really fucking hard.

The birth of your newly born daughter, Isabella, had really taken a back pedal on your mental health. You had suffered with post natal depression after the birth of your two sons, but nothing as bad as this.

It had hit you around the 7 week mark after giving birth. The pregnancy itself was okay, even though she was slightly premature, but it was after you’d taken her home that it’d all spiralled downhill. It started with complications with her breastfeeding - like she was rejecting the milk that you had produced. It hurt to see her reject you and your body, finding more comfort in drinking from a pre-made milk bottle as her dad rocked her to sleep. You recall the evening so clearly and felt like an utter failure as you watched her drink a bottle of formula for the first time.

“Ssh ssh,” Harry cooed to your 7 week old daughter as he rocked her in his arms on the rocking chair in her nursery. She was whining because she was hungry, but the problem was that she wasn’t accepting your milk. She hadn’t been accepting your milk all day and now it was becoming dangerous for you to keep on saying ‘Oh i’ll just try later.’ Harry had told you to make a formula bottle for her. “Mummy’s coming.”

As much as you didn’t want to, you were walking back to the nursery with a warm bottle in your hands. You’d tested it on your hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then taken a sip to taste it, out of jealousy, and you thought that it didn’t taste any different to you. Then again you’re not a 7 week old human whose only date is milk.

“Look here’s mummy with your yummy milk, okay? Look Belles!” Harry cooed at his darling angel and you only wished he wasn’t as happy for her as he was.

“Yeah.” You spoke softly, handing him the bottle and standing nearby, part of you hoping that she would reject this too and she wasn’t just rejecting you.

But no, she drank the formula like it was her last meal.

“Such a sweet girl, aren’t you?” Harry praised her, watching her in awe as she kept on drinking the formula. Watching as she was drinking to become the strong girl you knew she’d become. It just hurt that it wasn’t you that could help her become that.

You felt powerless. Worthless, even. The one thing that you had carried the weight of your breasts around to do and you couldn’t even do it. Your nipples were so sore and your breasts ached so badly and it was all for nothing. Perhaps it was punishment for being such a bad mum. Perhaps you’d never been good enough for this job and it was your bodies way of shutting you down forever. You wouldn’t need the ability to produce milk anymore, because you weren’t worth the title of becoming one again. You wanted to be happy for your little one, seeing her happy but all you felt was rejection and sadness. She didn’t think you were good enough to be her mum and that really hurt.

Along with the breastmilk problem, Belle also became very stubborn when you wanted to change her nappy. Anytime you tried to change and help her she put up a fuss, kicking her legs and sometimes she would bite or hit you away. It was just a reminder that you weren’t a good enough mum for her and that she didn’t feel safe enough around you. She didn’t find comfort in your presence and she was so fussy about what you did around her. With Harry, though, she was an angel. She loved him so much and obviously he made her feel so loved and safe - something you’d clearly never be able to give her.

There was also the chores of being a mother to your other two sons too. Oli and Felix were old enough to understand that they had a baby sister, but they weren’t old enough to understand how miserable you were. Harry wasn’t even able to figure it out yet. You tried your best to put on your bravest face, knowing that your family needed you to be strong but the truth was that you were crumbling on the inside. You were feeling less and less like yourself and you were waiting for the moment when you’d completely fall apart. Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was just numb.

“You two boys okay?”

You walked into the children’s playroom see that they were sat at the little table colouring in. Felix’s little legs dangled slightly, whereas Oli’s legs touched the floor and it made your heart swell at how big they were both getting.

“Yep!” Oli cheered, scribbling with his left hand as his tiny tongue stuck out from his lips as he concentrated - a habit passed onto him from his father.

“What are you both drawing?” You asked, coming over and kneeling on the floor beside them and having a peek at their drawings.

“We’re colouring for daddy.” Felix answered, some of the words not being pronounced properly due to his young lisp and lack of being taught how to say things correctly yet.

His words stung though. You appreciated that he was only a toddler and he meant nothing evil or malicious by it, but it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, your sons were doing this for their dad because he did so much more for them than you did. Of course you tried to be the best mum you could, but maybe you weren’t doing enough. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mum after all, or at least not a good one.

“O-oh,” you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes because your boys looked so proud at their artwork - and you should be too. “Tell me about them then, my loves.”

Oli went first, “So this is me and this is Oli and this is dad. It’s us playing football like we did the other day, mummy.” He pointed out to each of the figures, some looking actually quite terrifying but you’d never have the heart to tell him that. The figures were all holding hands though and it hurt to think that you weren’t a part of that.

“Oh that’s so good Ols!” you rubbed his head of hair and then turned to Felix’s, “What about you Fix?”

“I drew daddy as the best.” He pointed to a trophy that the figure - more like a stick-man-slenderman - was holding, which was decorated with the award of ‘my hero’.

“I told him to write hero, mummy.” Oli added, and you smiled at both of them.

“Well done. Good job both of you. Daddy will love these!” You only wished that they would draw something for you. You hated to think that you were being petty, but honestly you just wanted to feel loved. “Shall I go cut up some apple for a snack, hey?” You asked, trying to feel useful.

“Daddy is making us smoothies!” Felix answered and you had to stand up, up and away from their heigh, so they didn’t catch the tears in your eyes.

“Okay! Don’t forget to give him those pictures - he’ll love those.” You praised them and they both giggled to each other.

The sight of your sons laughing should’ve made you so happy, but it only reminded you that you weren’t the source of their happiness. You weren’t on their mind enough to be their inspiration for drawings. You definitely weren’t their hero. You were just a woman to them, not a mum. You wanted to be so much more but it was clear that they didn’t need you. They were loved by their dad and each other, not in need of your heart.

Eventually Belle settled down and was sleeping better through the night, leaving you and Harry to much more peaceful nights sleep. Well, just Harry.

You had found it near impossible to get to sleep now. You lay awake at night wondering when Belle would next wake up, wondering when she’d next need you. Harry was always quick out of bed though, even if he actually was sleeping, to help her ordering you to stay in bed and rest yourself. You couldn’t help feel like he was telling you to stay put because he knew you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly - and you started to believe him.

You’d found yourself getting jealous of those that could get to sleep. When you were walking down the road you’d judge a person by how much sleep they looked like they got last night. You definitely looked like you only had 2 hours - even when you’d only had 37 minutes but who’s counting? Your dark circles were heavily noticeable, but no one cared enough to ask. Even Harry stayed clear of you more and more often; spending more time with the kids than you and sleeping on his side of the bed instead of yours at nighttime.

There had been one evening where you had been so restless that Harry had gotten so frustrated and left the room, with a blanket and a pillow, and slept on the couch. You’d never felt so much like a burden than that night. Your family was rejecting you and you felt like a failure. You were a success at failing in everything. The meals you cooked went half eaten by everyone because you would’ve forgotten to add a key ingredient. The children preferred to spend more time playing with their dad because you weren’t energised enough to play the games they wanted to. Your daughter still rejected your milk. It was all too much and you just wanted one nights peace for it to change.

Last night had been that night.

Fuck these were so addicting. You were finally getting the sleep that you so badly craved, only with the help of tablets.

You wanted the sleep because that was the one place you could escape to. You needed that escape to help you get out of bed the next morning. Life was too hard for you to not dream, and without dreaming you didn’t want life.

It started off with taking one every night before bed, but then they stopped working again, so you started taking two, then three. Four was obviously where your body hit its limit.

“Mummy? Can you come tuck me in please?” Oli asked, little toy giraffe in hand and shaking you in hopes of waking you up to send him peacefully off to sleep.

You’d gone to bed a bit earlier tonight, lying saying that you were extremely exhausted. Harry said he would be able to handle things and that’s when you excitedly ran upstairs to take your pills; 4 of them. You’d made it into your bed, feeling slightly drowsy after completing your nighttime routine, but then you started to feel unwell and really ill. Before you’d passed out you’d stuck your fingers down your throat in hopes to make the feeling in your stomach disappear, but it ended up you throwing up all over the bed and pass out right there.

“Mummy! Wake up!” Oli rattled your back, but you were still unresponsive.

Oli padded out of the room and down to his sisters room where he knew his dad was. Belle was being extra fussy this evening and Harry suspected it had everything to do with you retiring early. He heard Oli come into the room just as he’d gotten Belle down.

“Y’alright buddy?” Harry whispered, tip-toeing out of Belle’s room, leaving the door open slightly, and crouched down in front of him.

“No. Mummy’s not waking up.” Oli pouted, rubbing a tired fist over his eye.

“She’s probably in dreamland, bud. She was really tired today.”

“She’s really tired all of the times.”

“I know, Ol.” Because Harry did know, but he was too much of a coward to face up to the problem. The doctors had said that post natal depression can strengthen with every birthed child, but he was too blind sighted by the fact that you’d overcome the first birthed post natal depression so quickly, and was so in love with his baby girl, that he didn’t truly see how bad things had gotten. Harry had tried giving you some space, distancing himself from you in bed and spending more time with the kids so you could relax and rest up, but nothing seemed to be working. He was surprised, actually, that you’d been having better sleep recently and so was hopeful that maybe the worst of the depression was over.

Hell, was he so wrong.

“Go to bed, bud okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wake mummy up so she can give me a kiss.”

“I’ll try little man, alright?” Harry scuffed his sons hair and then watched him walk off to his room.

Harry walked into your dark room, the air smelling slightly sour, and walked around to your side of the bed. He sat down next to you sighed heavily. He needed to speak to you, no matter how tired or angry you’d be with him. He was losing you as a wife and a mother and a soulmate and a lover. He was just losing you, just as you were losing yourself and he was doing tip-toeing around the problem any longer. He was going to try and make this better. He was going to better understand how you were feeling in order to help you.

“Baby?” He spoke softly, nudging you gently, “Baby wake up.” No response. “Y/N, my love? Wake up for me darling, need to speak with you.” Normally you would’ve stirred by now but there was still nothing. “Y/N?” Harry shook you a bit more urgently now - one that would surely wake even the deepest of sleepers. “Y/N!” He shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of his children.

He turned you over and that’s when he knew this was very, very, bad.

Your face was pale grey and your mouth was covered in the remains of vomit, and he suddenly understood the gross sour smell from before. Your hair was greasy and stuck all in the wet sick all over your face. Your eyes were puffy from the remains of tears. You looked dead.

“No, no, no. Y/N! No you don’t.” Harry’s eyes starting weeping and he couldn’t think straight. He checked your pulse on your wrist and timed it - it was unhealthily faint. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were in your last beats of your heart. His tears and sobs were uncontrollable, but he had to be both strong for you and his children, as well as for him. “Fuck sake pull yourself together Harry. Okay, baby hold on please. Okay? You don’t get to leave me like this, you hear me? I love you so much, baby. Fuck i’m so sorry.” He gently placed your head back down on the pillow and pulled out his phone.

999

“What’s your emergency?”

“I need a-an ambulance p-please. I-I think my wife i-is dying.”

The rest of it was a blur for Harry. Him trying to wake you up. The ambulance arriving. Oli and Felix crying when they saw you being carried away on a stretcher. Belle’s deafening screams. Harry’s heart beating for the both of you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the rhythmic beeping sounds that woke you up.

Your whole body felt achey and sore, your head a pounding mess. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light of the room. You expected to see the family photo on the wall opposite you and the white of your curtains, but you were met with a heart-monitor machine and a hospital bed instead. You looked down at your body and noticed a cannula in your arm, making you squirm because you hated stuff like that so much. Your nose had a tube running inside it too, feeding you the oxygen your lungs weren’t receiving properly.

It then dawned on you how you weren’t in the room alone. You saw a sleeping Anne and Gemma on the chairs in the far corner, with Felix and Oli tucked against their sides - Anne with Oli and Felix with Gemma. It was so cute to see them so cuddled up close. They looked peaceful. You took note of the baby pram that was at the end of your bed, most likely playing bed to your beautiful daughter. Your mind felt lost. You can’t really remember what had happened, apart from taking four of those sleeping pills. You fully remember the weight of feeling worthless and useless as both a mum and a wife, though, and that feeling was still very prominent.

Your eyes lastly landed to the side of you, where Harry was sat but also laid on your bed. The top of half of his body laid upon the bed, his head buried onto this arm deep within the bed, whilst his bottom stayed rooted to the chair. His hand was holding yours tightly, which was a sign that he wasn’t asleep. You were so scared to face him though. You had failed him, again and again and you weren’t sure whether you could be enough for him anymore. Enough for your family anymore.

You squeezed his hand three times saying ‘I love you.’

“Y/N,” He whispered so hoarsely, but you were so focused on him to even catch it. He looked ruined, and you’d done that to him. His eyes were dark and tired, but also red and puffy from where he’d been crying. His hair was a mess and you could tell it hadn’t been washed in a while. How long had you been out for? You felt rested in your sleep, but not in your mind or your heart.

“I—” Your breathe got caught in your throat, but you persevered to finish your words. He deserved to here them. “I’m sorry.” You were whispering so you didn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

“No, stop it. I’m sorry baby.”

“Harry don’t, you don’t have anyt—”

“Stop yes I do I—”

“Harry please you don’t owe—”

“Y/N listen!” He cut the little volley-conversation and ordered you to just stop. You started crying when you saw that he was too. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right now. Because I love you. Fuck, I do. I love you so much that when I found you unconscious in a pile of your own sick thinking you were dead, my only thought was that I wished it were me instead”.

“Harry, you don’t mean—”

“My god Y/N! You don’t get it, do you? I would do anything to switch places with you right now. I would suffer a thousand times over if it meant you were okay. I’d suffer in hell for you. Nobody else but you has ever made me feel like this. I married you because I love you and I want to wake up next to you every day of my beating hearts life. I chose to have children with you, because I knew how great of a mum you’d be and what beautiful people you’d help bring up into the world—”

“But i’m not.” You cut Harry short, trying to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let you - only tightening his grip and pulling himself closer towards you. He was so close you could kiss him.

“Not what?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. You’d both had this conversation before, but you were both tired of it and were ready for it to be your last now.

“A good mum. I’m- i’m not a good mum or wife, Harry and i’m sorry.”

“I told you not say it and stop thinking it, because you’re completely wrong Y/N. You’re a good mother and a good wife, because you are a good person.”

“But i’m not great.” You whimpered, thinking back to the drawings your Oli and Felix had done. “I’m not the best.”

“But you don’t have to be, baby. You see our beautiful, healthy, happy and safe babies over there?” Harry turned to look at them, love in his eyes as in yours. “They wouldn’t be all those things, no matter how you feel about yourself, without you. I could never have brought them up to be half the people they are without you by my side, the way you make me a better person. You claim you don’t got this, but baby you’re already doing it and have been doing it for 5 years with our children and so much longer with me.”

“I’m just so fucked up Harry.” Your head tilted back on the pillow as you got heavily emotional over the situation.

Harry shook his head and moved his hand to cup the back of your neck, moving your head forwards until it met his. The touch of his skin against yours, no matter where and how small, made you feel alive and you’d missed him and that feeling so much. You missed loving him so much.

“Listen to me.” He ordered, keeping you still. “You are strong and you are brave Y/N Styles. No matter what you tell yourself I will be here every goddamn day of my life, if I have to, to remind you that you are worth more than your fucking weight in gold. You are my heart. You are my soul and the mother to my greatest achievements. I know they are yours too, just as I know I am your heart.

“You are.” You whispered so quietly under your breathe, but Harrys heart warmed when he caught you saying it. He knew though.

“Just let me love you. Let me be there for you. If you want medication then let’s do it, and i’ll be there for every step of the way. If you want to go to a rehabilitation centre for a bit, that’s okay we can—”

You shook your head and licked the tears away from your face. You were both such tearful messes, but the love between you was undeniable. “No, no please, no.”

“Okay, okay, love. We won’t. See, you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay. Stay with me, yeah? I’ll love you and keep you safe, just as you will me.”

“Promise.” You told him sincerely. He brought his lips to yours with that single word. He was so proud of your for being so brave and strong. He wishes he was half the person you were. His lips conveyed those thoughts of his and you could taste the love and passion burning through his heart and out on to his lips. He tasted like home. z he was home. Your lips smacked together messily, but you didn’t care because you loved each other too much and had kissed each other even more. Once you pulled back he stayed close to you, smiling at you with such awe. “I think.. I think I want to try medication please.”

Harry didn’t say ‘okay’ or ‘sure thing’, no. He said four words that meant more to you in that moment that any others in the universe. More than saying ‘I love you.’ Words that reminded you that not everything is okay and that sucks really bad, but you’re doing your best to get through it. It was a reminder that you had so many people who loved you and cared for you. It was a gun at the starting line symbolising that the journey ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but worth it.

“I’m proud of you.”

[kenmei]

-ˏˋ NOBODY GETS ME (LIKE YOU)! ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader (no pronouns) x miya atsumu

cw: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, exes to lovers!au, college!au, food mention, alcohol mention

synopsis: in which miya atsumu makes the biggest mistake of his life, and how he clumsily (but lovingly) glues everything back together

wc: 1700+

notes from mei!

me: i hate exes to lovers >:( exes are exes for a reason

also me: atsumu exes to lovers >:))))))))

miya atsumu is a star.

you always thought you were a star too. even if you didn’t shine as bright as him, he made you feel as though you had a place in the sky alongside him, forever. you wish you realized earlier that you, in fact, are not a star at all.

you’re nothing but a flower rooted in the dirt—beautiful and priceless in its own way nonetheless, but even then, flower and star were never made to be together.

as you stare at a polaroid of you and him, one you found while cleaning out your drawers, you laugh emptily at the memories those smiles of you and his once held; promises. a future.

honestly, you wonder how this came to be. just last week, you and him still had those smiles—having sleepovers that lasted the entire week and whispering confessions and promises of forever under thick duvets and blasted air conditioning, stealing each other’s warmth and looking forward to the morning routine you both built together.

you were both perfectly fine and so disgustingly in love, so you cry again for what feels like the hundredth time this week, drawing blanks when you try to figure out why he decided to end it all.

and again, for what also feels like the hundredth time this week, you tell yourself that what will be, will be.

because a star who gawks at a flower, unknowingly wanting to become something rooted in soil, will eventually fall from the sky and lose everything that makes it special.

and you couldn’t bear watching atsumu lose his love for volleyball.

he’s a coward.

almost a month passed since he broke up with you, but even ‘til now, he feels the repercussions as though he broke your heart yesterday.

there’s an ache in his chest whenever he lays in his cold bed, knowing that he can’t call you anymore, asking if you’d spend the night for the fifth time that week.

“we might as well live together at this point,” you say, grinning at him from the other side of the doorframe.

“been tryna tell ya that since last month, angel,” he replies, grabbing your wrist to pull you inside, hands wandering to your jaw as he brushes his lips against yours. 

your arms circle around his middle, pulling yourself impossibly closer, “should i move in? or do ya wanna live in mine?”

he looks at you, stars in his eyes as he responds. “don’t care. as long as i’m waking up to ya for the rest of my life.”

miya atsumu feels like the biggest fool history’s ever seen.

he’s reckless with a selfish streak, hurting you all because he thought (in the spur of the moment) that he could be everything and more without you by his side because “lovers are only accessories”

but as his coach benches him for the third practice game, he realizes he can never be anything without you—his backbone, his pride, soulmate and everything else that made atsumu, atsumu.

you’ve become a part of him that he desperately needs, and atsumu truly hopes that he’s still the same for you.

“do you,” you pull up your mask, eyes darting around nervously, “do you need something? i gave everything of yours back already.”

atsumu stands between you and your apartment door. “i was hopin’ we could... we could talk.”

“maybe next time.” you decline, frowning under your mask. “i have an eight-hour shift i need to get ready for.”

“then let me in.” he says, “ya can make yer meal and we can talk. when ya finish, i’ll leave. swear ta ya.”

it’s weird seeing him so serious and desperate. you eye him suspiciously. 

of course when you’re finally coming to terms with everything, he conveniently comes back to ruin your life and you bet it’s because he’s trying to fix his.

“i don’t want you in my kitchen.”

“then i can stand in yer livin’ room.”

“atsumu, i don’t want you in my house.”

you’re being mean and inconsiderate, you think. but doesn’t he deserve it after everything he’s put you through?

he visibly sinks, eyes drooping and lip jutting into a small pout. you sigh, taking the first step past him and his hand immediately reaches for yours. you recoil, ignoring him as you jiggle your key into the slot, fumbling with the doorknob.

“please?” he asks once more.

“atsumu,” you sigh, opening your door. “what are you trying to do?”

he gapes, pink rushing to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “i just—i just really wanted to talk with ya.”

and you sigh, eyes finally softening in the way he remembers and you nudge your door open for you and him.

(you were always bad at saying “no” to him—he would always say his charms were too irresistible to decline and you, in turn, would roll your eyes playfully and tell him he acted like an irritating child whenever you said no).

his eyes light up, and you sigh quietly once again, a miniscule of a smile creeping its way to your lips.

standing in your living room, atsumu watches as you move around your kitchen, grabbing a small pot and filling it up with water. 

“ramen?” he asks, nervous, but the grin of a boy in love doesn’t escape his lips.

“old habits die hard.” you mutter sarcastically, grabbing two packets from the cupboard. “do you want water?”

“do ya have soju?”

he thinks he’ll have an easier time with some liquid courage in his bloodstream.

“not for you.”

he sinks.

and while the water is boiling, you both stand in silence. your back faces him and suddenly atsumu doesn’t feel 6′2 anymore. he feels significantly smaller in your presence, in the tense atmosphere he didn’t mean to create.

“if you’re just going to stare at me, then leave.” you say, pouring in the block of noodles.

he notes that your place is clean, your appearance is neat and your mental state surely isn’t fraying by the ends like his. is this what moving on looks like? he ponders, a dull feeling in his chest as he realizes you’re moving too quickly from his grasp.

“can we—can i try again?” he blurts out, unsure and nervous, but willing to have his heart crushed up even more, if it meant he could make up for all his mistakes. “i can’t do this without ya, y/n. ‘m serious.”

“you can,” you say, “you’ve basically been doing it all without me for the past three months—way before we broke up. i was just, a charm that you could brag about. you accomplished everything you wanted yourself, atsumu. don’t sell yourself short.”

he knows you’ll never forget his words. he hates that, because those words were a big fat lie he spat just to hurt you. but he hates it more how you speak like you were nothing to him, when you’re the biggest reason he keeps going and going. he wants to get you a house, a pet or two maybe, an actual little trinket that sits pretty on your ring finger, give you a life that you’ll never regret and more.

“it’s different, y’know..” he mumbles, “‘m better f’ya now. ‘samu gave me a beating, but i already realized it before he did it.”

“not for me, atsumu.” you say, calm and it pisses him off. “your next. you’re better now for your next.”

and at that, he explodes. “i don’t want a next, y/n! i want ya! yer all i ever wanted! since high school, when ya let me use yer pens and pencils cuz i forgot mine on the first day!”

“and all i wanted was for us to last.” you reply, turning off the stove and placing the lid on the pot, figuring now isn’t the time to be straining noodles. “and going to school with only a bento and a hundred yen in your book bag is something you’ll never live down.”

you meet his eyes, a gentle smile on your lips that tells him you’ve already accepted that you have to move on without him. “we broke up for a reason, atsumu, you know that.”

his hands ball into fists, “i was that reason! i know that now! so please, y/n, i’ll do anythin’, just let me make it up to ya.”

you know the breakup wasn’t your fault, but it still hurt to see him blaming himself, pain reflecting in the colours of his eyes. 

you feel dumb for tears sudden;y gathering in your eyes at his desperation. you’ve done enough crying for the entire year, but your heart still hurts when you look at him and that softness for him you’ve always had never left, it tugs at your heart, pleading for you to at least give him one chance.

truth is, you wanted to cry the second you saw him at your doorstep, hands in his pockets and an anxious look clouding his features. you never wanted to accept moving on without him, but you just wanted to prove that if he can do it on his own, so can you.

(but you realized early on that everything is better when you’re with him).

“you hurt me, y’know.” you say, tears getting caught on your lashes. “callin’ me an accessory and whatnot.”

“‘s not true. never was.” he cries a little bit, too, making his way around the dinner table to stand in front of you.

his heart breaks and mends back together all at once, at the sight of you lowering your head and inching a little bit closer. his arms pull you in and his large hands, soft and apologetic, run up and down soothingly as you cry into him.

“thank you.”

and he doesn’t kiss you—no, not yet. he makes a blueprint in his head of how he wants your second-first-kiss to go. one chance is all he has left.

and that’s all he’ll need.

because miya atsumu was no longer a star when he met you. he fell faster than anyone ever anticipated and lost his place in the skies; a tiny school crush engulfing him in flames and hauling him straight to you.

he’s in love. in way too deep.

but because it’s you, he couldn’t care less. you make him feel special in ways nothing else can. he’d burn bits of him and tear through everything in his path again and again, as long as it meant he’d end up alongside you, where he’s meant to be, with the flower that understood him more than any star could ever hope to.

xtra notes from mei!

idk why i did stupid star and flower imagery i made everything harder for myself this is #embarrassing

[ghoulciifer]

hc: calling Bokuto, Kuroo, and Oikawa daddy for the first time.

tw: none

tags: nsfw, daddy kink, established relationships

note: so the person who requested this decided to go on anon after i reached out bc tumblr deleted the draft while i was working on it, but i want them to know that i loved writing this asdlfjfhshs thank you for blessing me with this prompt. as always, thank you for your support and my inbox is open ❥

» we all know bokuto’s got a size kink, so a daddy kink really isn’t that hard to believe

» but you didn’t know that! he’s a nervous boy when you two start getting intimate, he wants to sit down and have a talk about preferences but is too afraid it’ll make you uncomfortable since your sexual relationship is still pretty fresh what a sweet boy

» so of course you stumble upon his love for the term by complete chance

» bokuto’s got you pinned to the mattress, his strong arms folding your thighs to your chest as he pounds into your dripping cunt with fervor

» your breathy moans and slurred praises only spur him on, earning you a few grunts and moans of his own as he picks up his already brutal pace, all so he can hear more of your sweet noises

» this does the trick because you’re immediately screaming his name and gasping for air, holding onto his shoulders to ground yourself as he presses further, the new angle allowing your pussy to swallow him more

» somewhere in between your babbling it kinda just slips out

» “Ah-ha, fuck, Kou-... daddy, it feels so g-good...”

» man’s brain literally short circuits, like his eyes widen a little and his jaw drops

» once you feel his hips falter a bit you open your eyes to see his expression

» honestly you weren’t even aware that you said the word

» but when you finally realize you did, in fact, just call your boyfriend daddy, heat rushes to your face and embarrassment rises in the pit of your stomach

» bokuto is quick to regain his composure though and flashes you a toothy grin, brow quirked upward as a muscular arm moves to rest one of your legs against his shoulder, deepening the angle so his length is sheathed to the hilt inside you

» he then leans forward and sneaks a hand between your sweat ridden bodies to find your neglected bundle of nerves, mouth hovering over yours while his fingers work miracles

» this promptly earns a pleasured yelp from you and he doubles his efforts in filling you up once more

» “Babygirl, daddy’s gonna take such good care of you. Keep singin’ for daddy, yea?”

» i feel like this mf would hint at having a daddy kink after a while, also probably would be too nervous to bring it up bc he’s scared to make you uncomfortable

» so of course he’s gonna approach it with humor

» “Haha wouldn’t it be hot if you called me daddy? jk jk... unless?”

» you know, Kuroo things god he’s such a dork

» so eventually you do decide to indulge him, plus, you’ve kinda been waiting to do it too

» and when’s the best time to drop that on him? completely out of the blue, of course

» you were curled up into his side under a pile of blankets on the couch, kuroo’s arm swung over the back while watching some science documentary he swore you would like because it had animals in it

» but of course he was wrong and you found yourself bored out of your mind not long after the film started

» you tried so hard to pay attention, even using your boredom as an excuse to soak up all the cuddling time you were getting from your boyfriend, but that feeling didn’t last long, either

» “Babe... can we watch something else, please? This documentary’s too long and the guy’s voice is putting me to sleep.”

» “Come on, Y/N, it’s not that bad.”

» that’s the only response you get because his eyes are still glued to the TV, completely focused on the information splayed across the screen

» you groan quietly and cross your arms at the lack of attention. was this stupid documentary really more important than your sanity?

» suddenly the idea springs into the forefront of your mind and you can’t suppress the grin that tugs at your lips

» sitting up completely, you throw the blanket in your lap off to the side and pull your legs beneath you to sit on your knees beside him

» he shifts slightly to allow you more room to move but he doesn’t so much as spare a glance your way

» you scoot closer to him and rest one hand on his thigh, bringing the other to his chin so you can properly turn his head toward your waiting lips and whisper

» “Can we please watch something else, daddy?”

» kuroo has never moved so fast in his life

» he lurches forward to hit the off button on the remote before turning and pinning you against the sofa cushion, his mouth latching onto the soft skin at your throat

» you can feel his lips twitch into a sinister grin when you gasp at his already hard cock pressing into your inner thigh through the fabric of his sweats, and his fingertips find their way down to dig into your hips

» “Oh, kitten, you have no idea what you started...”

» oikawa seems like the kinda guy to have that intimacy talk before things start getting hot and heavy, just bc he wants to know what is and isn’t acceptable before putting you in such a vulnerable situation

» so you pretty much knew ab his daddy kink since you started having sex lol

» BUT you didn’t spring it on him just yet because he made it very clear that you don’t have to do anything he wants to, he wants to take it at your pace

» truthfully you were eager to indulge in that side of him but you wanted to wait a bit, so when you do finally surprise him it’ll be that much sweeter

» it’s a good while into your relationship, around the 8-9 month mark, before you just can’t hold it in anymore

» oikawa’s got you pulled onto his lap in the backseat of his car, you ride his length at an achingly slow pace and your cunt squeezes his twitching cock for all its worth with each roll of your hips

» his hands are bruising your thighs as he sucks harshly at the sensitive skin just at the juncture between your neck and collarbone, leaving his mark wherever he can in an attempt to satiate his need to devour you as soon as possible

» your own hands tangle their way into the (now) messy brunette locks atop his head and tug harshly whenever he tries to thrust his hips upward to sink deeper into you, earning a guttaral moan from him every time

» “Fuck, Y/N, I need you to go faster for me, baby.”

» he practically whimpers against your skin, trying to maintain the deep tenor of his voice but the way your pussy is clamping down on his cock so tight, so slowly makes his tone waiver

» you can’t help but grin at your achievements before deciding now is a good a time as ever, so you lean forward and whisper softly into his ear between each labored breath

» “Then make me, daddy.”

» you swore you felt his dick get impossibly harder inside you the second the words left your mouth

» his palms move up to put your hips into a vice grip before he’s slamming you down onto his cock, the head nudging harshly against your cervix and promptly knocking the wind out of you with a squeal

» he takes advantage of your open, gasping mouth and shoves his tongue into it before setting an absolutely brutal pace against your sopping wet core

» your nails are digging into his shoulders in a failed attempt to ground yourself but he’s already got you seeing stars, and as he leans back for air he’s got the most sinful smirk on his face

» “I’ve been waitin’ forever to hear you say that, princess. Daddy’s gonna fuck you nice n’ hard, now, don’t you worry.”

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are Weird: D&D Part 3

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps) Human Barbarian: I roll to decapitate the shop keeper. Alien DM: Is there a reason you keep on decapitating LITERALLY everyone you meet? Barbarian: My character can’t die unless he falls in battle. Alien DM: But they aren’t battles if you kill them in one blow. Barbarian: True, but my guy has been around for hundreds of years and now just kills people for fun. Alien DM: *Looks at other party members* Is this normal? Wizard: Honestly it’s pretty tame for a barbarian. Rogue: At least he’s not the bard that became a necromancer. Alien: What happened with them? Wizard: They became a necromancer just so they could woo the woman that killed herself after talking to him. Alien: *Looks at Necromancer* Really? Necromancer: I was very proud of my seduction streak and I wasn’t about to let death break it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: Why do you always pick humanoid characters? Alien: Why not team up with something that is as large as a bear? Thief: We used to have a Loxodon fighter in the party, didn’t end well. Alien: What happened? Monk: We got trapped in a room flooding with water and only one way out. Warlock: The Loxodon insisted on going first through the doorway because they were afraid of water, but then became wedged in the tiny frame and couldn’t get free. Alien: How did you escape? Monk: We didn’t; we all drowned to death. Alien: If you all died then how are you here talking with me? Thief: Let’s just say we owe a man of questionable magic practices a lot of money. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Warrior: Wizard, cast fireball on my sword! Alien Wizard: Why? Warrior: So it will catch on fire and do fire damage as well! DM: I’ll allow it. Alien Wizard: Okay. *rolls a nat 20* DM: Your fireball impacts the sword dead on and melts it instantly. Warrior: What? DM: What do you think happens to cheap metal after it’s been super-heated? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DM: As you sift through the remains of the now fallen lich lord you come across his most powerful weapon. Alien players: *getting excited* DM: A cursed blade slaked in the blood of a thousand thousand victims, each one adding their strength to whomever wields this mighty blade; the most powerful weapon you have ever come across. Alien players: *Really excited now* Alien warrior: Does it have a name? DM: *Nods* It is called……the Bunny Fluffer. Alien warrior: What? You can’t be serious. DM: I did say it was a curse blade. Alien: How can a blade called the “Bunny Fluffer” be cursed?!? DM: Every time you use it in battle you must loudly announce that you are attacking with the bunny fluffer. Alien warrior: You monster! That’s so evi- Alien warrior: *Now realizing why it is cursed* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Human: If I feed a Locathah sushi, am I committing a hate crime or unknowingly making them a cannibal? Alien DM: WTF man?!?!? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Human DM: You find yourself in a very suspicious village. Alien: You can’t just label an entire town as suspicious. Human: Roll a perception check then. Alien: *Rolls 20* Human DM: You see the town square barren save for a giant stone slab at the very center, the surface of it covered in strange red glyphs that seem to bleed the longer you stare at it. Human DM: The towns people all full length cloaks that hide their appearance with hoods so deep you cannot make out a single detail of their faces. They speak no words nor make a sound as they shift and to and fro between the buildings. Human DM: You stare up at the sky and see it thick with grey clouds that appear to bulge and retract randomly as if they are holding something within. Alien: Alright, alright, we get it. Alien: No need to be so on the nose about it. Human: You walked passed a mass murder drenched in blood because one of you saw the bar tenders dog run outside and wanted to go pet it. Human DM: I take no chances now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien DM: You find yourself locked in the mansion, the body of the host laying across the ballroom floor as all the guests and staff look on. Alien DM: Any one of them could be the killer. Human Warlock: I say we lock all the doors and burn the house down. Human Paladin: What? Human Rogue: That’s a bit extreme. Warlock: Listen, I’ll cast a spell that will make anyone with a guilt free conscious fire resistant. Warlock: That way when the house is on fire only the killer will catch fire and everyone else would be safe. Rogue: I guess that might work…. Paladin: Still… Warlock: Look, I’ll even stay inside to prove how trust worthy it is while you all wait outside and bar the doors. Paladin: Very well. *some time later after the mansion burned down* *Party sees only the warlock remaining among the ashes* Paladin: Impossible! Paladin: They couldn’t all have been the killer! Warlock: True, but their minds were not guilt free so I’m afraid they caught fire. Rogue: So you knowingly just had us kill an entire mansion’s worth of people. Paladin: How are you still alive?! Warlock: Simple; I did not feel the slightest bit guilty about it. Warlock: *Proceeds to remove an artifact that collects the souls of the recently deceased* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien DM: Pick your characters. Human: I am a Halfling necromancer. Human 2: I am an elf necromancer. Human 3: I am a human necromancer. Alien: Seriously?! Alien: Does no one want to be something else? Human 4: I am an orc shaman. Alien: Well thank y- Human 4: That dabbles in necromancy. Alien: Gods damnit! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Human DM: And with that you have finally slain the great dragon Human DM: The town of Scabersburgs will forever be in your debt. Alien Wizard: That was a stupid encounter, let’s end it here. *Human DM makes note as the group leaves for the night* *Next week’s encounter* Human DM: You return to find the town of Scaversburg in the grips of a deadly plague. Human DM: The town’s folk are being driven mad as over the last few days many of them have begun growing scales across their body, talons where their fingers once were, and some have even begun sprouting lizard like wings and tails. Human DM: As they see you all return to the village their collective shouts of anger roar across the town as the entire city springs forth to hunt you down. Alien Wizard: Wait what!? Alien Wizard: I call bullshit; how could this suddenly happen?! Human DM: Well, if you had waited long enough to hear the dragons dying words he placed a powerful curse on his blood that any who should drink of it shall become as he once was. Alien Wizard: That’s still bullshit! Alien Wizard: No way the villagers would just walk up to a dead dragon and drink its blood. Human DM: Unless because you failed to dispose of the body the blood seeped into the ground and mixed with the towns water supply, thus contaminating everyone. *Group angrily looks at Wizard that encouraged them to leave early* Human DM: Roll for initiative. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien DM: As you make camp deep within the frost mountains of Galgieth you find that your provisions bag has torn open and you have no food to eat. Alien DM: Unless you act quickly you will starve to death. Wizard: I got this. Wizard: *Turns to barbarian* Wizard: Cut off my left arm. Barbarian: Done! *rolls a nat 20* Alien DM: *Confused* You chop off the left arm of your wizard, the limb falling lifelessly to the ground as spouts of blood pour out. Wizard: I cast regeneration to regrow my severed limb. *Rolls a nat 20* Alien DM: *Still confused* Your left arm grows back as if it was never gone. Wizard: I put my severed limb over the open fire to cook. Alien DM: You want to turn your party into cannibals? Rogue: Wouldn’t be the first time.

[ssamie]

paper rings.

·˚ ༘⌗ chinen miya x gn!reader

·˚ ༘⌗ childhood promises aren't unusual. miya and you had made many to each other, but the most notable one would be the classic promise to marry one another. miya was getting impatient with time, and decided he didn't need to be a grown up to marry you. after all, paper rings will do, right?

·˚ ༘⌗ warnings: fluff, both of you are still in middle school lol 😃, miya being cute and kind of ooc??

gen masterlist.            sk8 masterlist.

miya grumbled as he sneaked quick glances at you from across him. you were both at school eating lunch underneath a tree for shade, like you always do, and for some reason, he was acting strange and awfully fidgety ever since the morning you went up to greet him.

"alright, what is it, miya?" you asked with a sigh "h-huh?" miya jumped as he nervously sipped on his drink, avoiding eye contact as his fingers fiddled with his switch.

"you're acting so weird" you said as you throw a candy wrapper at him "you've been looking at me strangely all day" you said as you narrowed your eyes at him

miya gulped and shook his head "no way!" he denied "you're getting too confident, you slime!" he said as he stuck his tongue out playfully

you rolled your eyes and laughed at his antics, throwing another piece of wrapper at him as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "whatever" you said

"and don't call me a slime, im your best friend!" you whined with a laugh. miya blushed and jutted his bottom lip out in a sort of pout. "you're still a slime if you keep acting like that.." he muttered

you raise a brow in confusion "acting like what?" you asked. "a-acting so... so.." he stammered out, looking so flustered as he tries to maintain eye contact with you, even though he could practically feel his heart palpitating.

"so what?" you asked again, this time even more confused as his face visibly becomes a brighter shade of red all the way to the tip of his ears.

"so cute!!" miya finally admitted, accidentally raising his voice a little too high, causing a few students to turn their heads.

"aghhh" he groaned out as he ducked his head to avoid their gazes out of embarrassment.

"oh.. is that so?" you cooed out with a laugh as you cover your cheeks which were heating up from the compliment.

"well, you're pretty cute yourself" you teased "even for a slime"

miya looked up and glared at you, despite his quivering lips and shaky voice he still managed to let out a small "im not a slime.."

you smile and pack away your bento, standing up on your feet and pulling him along. "im gonna keep calling you a slime if you won't stop acting weird around me" you said

"anyways, let's go. lunch is about to end" you say as you take his hand in yours and proceed to walk away. miya gulped as he stared longingly at your intertwined hands.

more specifically, your ring finger which seems to be quite bare.

"hey, y/n.." he muttered. "yeah?" you reply

"remember our promise?" he asked ".. yknow, when we were kids?"

you hummed for a moment before replying, "i think so.." you said "i mean.. i remember promising not to tell anyone when you fell into a canal when we were like five-"

"not that!!" miya shrieked with a bit of a pink tint to his cheeks "forget about that whole thing, that's embarrassing!" he whined

"then what?" you asked with a laugh "i can't name every promise we've ever made all in one go, you know?"

miya huffed and abruptly stopped in his tracks, causing you to halt along with him.

"i meant.. when we promised to marry each other." he said in a soft whisper

"miya.." you mumble as you stare at him in surprise. miya simply looked away, avoiding eye contact as his lips quiver into a small frown.

"um. yeah, i remember" you replied with a nervous smile as miya takes your hand in his and locks your fingers together.

"y/n, i think.." miya stammered out "i think i want to get married already."

you blinked in shock and confusion before letting out a sheepish laugh "haha, miya you can't be serious" you said

"we're too young, plus, you're saying that as if you like me or something" you said in a joking manner as you playfully hit his shoulder "but you don't actually like me, right?" you asked with a nervous gulp

miya shook his head and placed your hands over his chest, holding them tenderly as he stares up at you with his eyes glimmering with admiration.

"i like you a lot, y/n" he admitted "i've liked you since we were kids and-" he cut himself off

"actually, i think i love you. so um.. i wanna get married so nobody else can love you but me." miya said with a look of determination on his face as he nervously waits for your response.

"well uh.." you stammer out as you nervously look around "i.. i love you too, miya.." you finally admitted as you send him a bashful glance

miya's eyes widened as his smile turned into a wide grin. "really?" he asked with excitement

"yeah i guess" you muttered bashfully as you try to avoid his entrancing emerald hued eyes.

"that's great! let's get married." miya said as he took your hand and pulled you along as he ran towards the infamous cherry blossom tree in your school.

"miya, slow down!" you whined as he practically dragged you along while you struggled to keep up with him since he was basically sprinting.

"hurry up, you slime!" miya exclaimed with a laugh as he slows down to match your pace

"geez. you know we can get married at like 20 or 25 instead, right?" you said as you let out a breath of air

you were both underneath the cherry blossom tree. the beautiful pink blossoms fall and sway around due to the wind as the both of you lay on the grassy ground.

"we don't even have rings" you laughed as you turned to look at him. "don't worry i already have those" miya said with a cat-like grin

you watched in amusement as he dug into his pocket and pulled out two rings made of paper with small cat and video game stickers and both of your names written on the inside.

"oh gosh you actually have them" you sweat drop "ofcourse! i made these this morning and put a lot of effort so you better accept it" miya playfully scowled

you both sat up as he held out his palm, urging you to place your hand on top of it.

"my vows would be.. uh i'll love you forever and let you play my games. and i won't ever leave you and call you a slime ever again" miya muttered as he slid the ring into your finger, blushing madly as he does so.

"wow, nice vows. very heartfelt." you say sarcastically with a laugh, causing him to grumble and gently hit you with his fist.

"just say your vows, you slime!"

"you just said you wouldn't call me a slime anymore!"

"that only applies after! we're still not together since you still haven't told me your vows, slime!"

you sigh as a fond smile grazed your lips. you stare at miya through your lashes, chuckling to yourself as you see him waiting expectantly with a concerning amount of blush on his cheeks.

"my vows would be.." you muttered "that i would never leave you and i'll be with you and support you in whatever you wanna do." you said

"and-"

"that's enough" miya cut you off by waving his hand at your face, while covering his with the other. "u-um.. im fine with just that, you don't have to say anything else.." he said

you blink in confusion but agree anyways. "okay then" you smiled

miya gulped as he shakily lends you his hand, watching in astonishment as you slid the ring onto his finger.

"there, we're now officially together forever" you said with a laugh as you intertwined your hands together

"yeah." miya mumbled as his lips slowly curled into a loving smile

you gave him a smug grin as you point to your lips "this is the part where you kiss me-"

miya didn't let you finish as he suddenly tackled you into a hug and pressed a soft kiss onto your lips before moving along and pressing his lips onto both of your cheeks and nose.

"thanks for marrying me" miya muttered against your neck as he buries his face against your skin

"anytime" you chuckled. you wrapped your arms around him, causing him to sigh in satisfaction and relax against your body.

"mhhm, love you y/n" he mumbled

"i love you too miya"

"man, you'll never understand since you're too young" reki said with a smug grin as he patted miya's head to emphasise his point

"love is just too complex for kiddos like you" reki teased

miya simply grumbled and glared up at the redhead, causing reki to laugh even more. "oh yeah?" miya taunted

"well, it's not like you have a lover of your own" he scoffed "you can't flirt for the life of you, and girls wouldn't even waste their time of day to look at you"

reki let out a pained smile as he sulked over miya's harsh words. "ahahaha, those are some big words for a little kid like you" reki squeaked out with a chuckle

"tch.." miya gritted his teeth as he glared up at reki "you have no room to talk when your ethe one who doesn't have a s/o, you slime!" he exclaimed

"eh??" reki mused "why? do you have a s/o?" he taunted "i think not-"

"yes i do." miya cut him off with a smug smirk

"ha?! how?! you're like three?!?" reki exclaimed in surprise, which seemed to catch the others' attention

"ha?! im thirteen idiot!!" miya yelled back with a scowl

"what happened?" kaoru asks with a raised brow as he looks between the two boys. reki seemed to be in shock and suspicion, while miya was sticking his tongue out at the redhead.

"cherry, miya said he has a s/o!!" reki exclaimed "how is that even possible?! he's a child!"

"im a teenager!" miya exclaimed

"really?" kaoru hummed in amusement as his eyes slowly trail over to you, who was too busy munching on burgers with langa to even notice their arguing.

"who is it??" reki asked "its y/n." miya replied with a proud smirk

"Y/N?! IMPOSSIBLE!" reki exclaimed with widened eyes. he ran over to you and hugged you protectively to his chest. "y/n, answer me honestly!" he said

"are you and miya together?!"

you blink in confusion and look at langa for an answer, though he simply shrugged and carried on eating. "um, well yeah." you said

"no way?!!!" reki exclaimed "oi you slime, why does it seem so unbelievable to you anyway, huh?" miya asked him with a raised brow as he pulled you closer to him

"it's just a shock to me!" reki said "i never would've guessed that.." he let out a sigh

kojiro sweat dropped and patted miya and yours' heads. "well, it was pretty obvious they'd end up together" he said

"yeah, we even got married." miya said in a nonchalant tone as he intertwined your hands.

"EH?!" now this time, everyone had let out a scream of their own. they looked between the two of you and blinked in shock.

"impossible. since when?" kaoru asked

"a week ago" you replied with a smile as you raise both of your hands to show them the rings on your fingers.

"but thats just paper-" kaoru slapped langa's mouth with his fan and smiled proudly at the two of you.

"that's wonderful. are those your rings?" he asked with a hum

"yeah. miya made them" you replied "it was really fun. the 'wedding' was a bit unexpected but its fine." you said

"the children are growing up!" kojiro exclaimed as he covered his mouth, while he wipes the stray tears of joy away.

"kaoru! the children are grown!!"

"shut up, you gorrila! you act like they're our kids." kaoru rolled his eyes. he then turned to you and smiled softly once again.

"congratulations" he said

"heh. hows that, you slime?" miya sneered at reki as he flaunts the paper rings with a smug cat-like grin.

"those are just paper anyways! so you're not really married- ow!" reki yelped as he felt kaoru's fan hit his head

"tch. whatever! im gonna get real rings soon!" miya exclaimed.

"no need to rush things, you know?" you mused as you patted miya's head

"yeah.." miya muttered "paper rings will do for now.. right?" he asked.

"right."