I feel like one day someone is gonna find either
my private account
or
some account that isn't me but we act the same
and someone is gonna go:
"THEY TALKED ABOUT EATING SANDWICHES, HAVING A FRIEND OVER, AND CALLING SUPPORT ALL ON THE SAME DAY. THEY MUST BE THE SAME PERSON!!"
and me and this guy are just gonna be sitting there like:
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Fanfiction in the late 2000s-early 2010s was wild bc you'd find a beautifully written story with the most compelling heart-wrenching plot you've ever seen and the author's note would be like:
Author with a username like ~SasukesWaifuxD~ : Ohayo gozaimasu! ↖(^▽^)↗, I'm sowwy it took me so long to update (๑•́_•̀๑)
tsundere twink from their fic : It was about damn time you idiot (눈‸눈)
~SasukesWaifuxD~ : Hey now! It's not my fault the plot bunnies kept wunning away fwom me (╥﹏╥)
tsundere twink: W-watever, it's not like I missed you or anything (💢,,>﹏<,,) b-baka!
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)
In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!
Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)
[text under cut]
1. Have you ever been in love?
(Please circle your answer.)
a. It's me and him
b. Our hearts beat in sync
c. Our lives intertwined
2. Do you understand what you’ve done?
(Please circle your answer.)
a. I couldn't do anything
b. I lost my balance
c. I doomed us both
3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void?
Please answer clearly, in full sentences.
(Not a correct answer:I just wanted to see him one more time).
4. Define two (2):
Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours
Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore
5. True or False:
i. It was your fault.
ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances.
iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him.
iv. You would do it all over again if you could.
v. It ended long before either of you said anything.
thumbnails:
sketch cover thing for imgur link:
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HELP PALESTINIAN ARCHITECT EVACUATE HER FAMILY FROM GAZA
This is a verified fundraiser for a family of four to evacuate to Cairo. The fund's creator, Amal Abu Shammala, reached out to me personally to share this since she's failed to get her fund on Operation Olive Branch and Let's Talk Palestine's fundraising linktree.
As of right now, she has raised €2,397/ €42,000. You can see the breakdown of what the money will be used for in the fund description.
Please give generously!
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something so crazy-making about unhealthy mentor-protegé relationships. we're foils, we're mirrors, we're the same person, we're a parent and a child, we're lovers, we're enemies, we'd be better off without each other, we'd kill and die for each other
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