#“your characters should never make mistakes” is shit advice

[kooksbunnnn]

Lost cause? 4: Can my happiness ever last?

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook× Female!Reader

Genre: Established relationship/ marriage, angst, heartbreak, makeout and kissing mentions, INFIDELITY. Panic attacks (TRIGGER WARNING). Pregnancy (do not read if this content triggers you) also, 18+, This is purely a work of FICTION please take it as FICTION only. Therapy and psychological conversations. Tears, guilt, regret and hope maybe?

Word counts: 10.1k approx

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you. 

Authors note: Hello, my lovely readers, or should I call you all my bunnnnys? It sounds cute to me hehe, its a cute little name for my kooksbunnnn family, the readers who wait for me, love me, and read the stories I write. Thank you for waiting so patiently, ily guys. Here's chapter 4, I got a little carried away with words, hence the 10k 👉👈 sorry for the long wait once again, enjoy the chapter now. Bye-bye!

Previous chapter

___________________________________________

Seriously breathe louder Ross

You giggle watching an Instagram reel of a scene from friends where a pregnant Rachel snaps at Ross, who was just standing as you put another grape into your mouth from the container Jungkook packed for you with washed grapes.

As you scroll through the comments on the mentioned reel, you can't help but read some of the comments,

Comment: Rachel has such pretty hair.

True. You always wanted to try her hairstyles.

Comment: people should appreciate how the writers gave every female character a different kind of motherhood and different experiences, and it’s beautiful how they portrayed every feeling. Also, I can't imagine how one of them had a miscarriage in real.

Miscarriage. This word itself makes your body shiver with fear, and you immediately feel your throat get heavy. You shake your head at this and scroll further, not wanting to cry for the 6th time on the same day.

Comment: Being pregnant is a magical experience, sure, but it's a whole ass rollercoaster of emotions, and you won't be ready for the amount of mood swings that come with it.

Yea, No shit.

Comment: I love how Rachel had a character development nobody ever expected.

Mhm. True.

Comment: Can’t believe how they ended up together even after Ross cheated on her.

That got personal, guess it was time to delete Instagram.

Month 6 and a half, day 188 since that night and you’re surprisingly alive. The night your heart got broken and you didn't think you would make it through 2 months of life.

More like, you didn't think you could make it alone, without Jungkook. Technically? Yes, you couldn't live without seeing him or hearing him for the start of your pregnancy and now he is always around you.

Always around. Helping you sit, eat, drink, lie, puke, pee, and all this while being at his respectable distance from you.

“Cut yourself some slack, you're growing someone inside you. It's okay to be dependent while you're going through so much..” that's what your mom said when you asked her about your future and if it was a mistake going through with this.

Looking back to her advice from weeks ago you feel like you are being a little hard on yourself. Therapy. Sonograms. Lamaze classes, doctor appointments, morning-afternoon-evening sickness, hormones, mood swings, and whatnot. You feel excited for your baby to come into the world but would it be wrong if you said you were scared?

When you asked these questions to the people around you these were the answers:

Mom: “Yes honey, of course, it’s okay to be scared. Your life will change, and sometimes you feel like you won't know what you’re doing, but trust me having kids is a tiring but very beautiful experience.”

Dad: “Sweetie, it's completely normal. Your mom used to freak out a lot as well when she had you. We’re here for you, it's all gonna be okay.

Namjoon’s wife, Binna: “I have seen my sister go through it and I am gonna be honest, it is difficult and the delivery is gonna be tough but the results make it all worth it. I am so excited to start my family one day, too!”

Jin’s wife: “It's a little nerve-wracking, to be honest, but it's the best thing Y/N, trust me I have never cried harder than when I saw that my test results were not accurate, I was heartbroken. Trust me, this is the best thing that would happen to you.”

Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin in different words but similar contexts: “I don't know much about how you're feeling right now so I can't say I understand but trust me, I’ll be by your side and our dumb little brother’s side always. We’re a family, Y/N.”

Hobi and Taehyung came together while you and Jungkook were having dinner: We have seen our sisters and relatives go through pregnancy, and it honestly looks so overwhelming. We respect women more every day. We’re here always, just one call away.” They had said with smiles on their faces.

Yoongi: “I am not good with words or comforting people, Y/N, but I just wanna assure you that I am always here. All of us will be there for you both. It's not gonna be easy for you, mentally or body-wise, but never feel alone. You’re our family and always will be, no matter what.” He said, patting you like you were a kid while Jungkook sniffled sitting by your side in your sitting area.

The most common advice everyone gave was: Be easy with yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’re going through a lot.

And it was true. You and Jungkook have been working on your relationship’s progress ever since your first session, and somehow it was going pretty well. You had dinner together and he made sure he attended the sonography sessions and therapy sessions with you.

You had regular sessions together and Ms. Shin recommended you both try talking about the future ahead. No definite planning, just talking about the options.

Wall paints, cradles, toys, shopping, diaper brands, baby food, everything you could see in the future around your baby. Since the biggest reason for fixing your relationship was because of your baby, you needed to familiarize yourself sitting around talking about the little person gluing you both together.

So you both decided to have dinner together daily and decided to make a pre-baby diary while eating. Yes, it was Jungkook’s idea. It's been 8 days since the last therapy session and you have already listed the paint options for the baby’s room, went maternity clothes shopping with your husband and browsed some cradle options.

All was well, right?

On the outside, yes. In your ovaries? No.

The lingering attraction you so badly tried to avoid for the past week is still lingering in the air around you. You roll your eyes as you feel embarrassment creep up your neck at how dumb you have been behaving around your husband.

You feel emotional, horny and everything at once. Absolutely mental.

♡♡♡

“I don't think I am normal anymore.”

The therapist watches you utter the sentence with a manic like chuckle. She must be thinking you're insane. You notice how her hand freezes for a mini second and then continues to pass you the glass filled with water.

“My question, however, Mrs Jeon, was how did your weekend shopping go, but you can still go on. Why would you think such a thought?” Your therapist calmly asks you after waiting for your response to her earlier question for a good minute.

You finally take the glass of water in her hand stretched towards you after muttering a low ‘thankyou’.

After what happened with you and Jungkook and his damn damp hair, you were freaking out. One moment you were feeling like you could cry out of embarrassment but the next moment you wanted to make out with him in the kitchen while he wore his white dress shirt and those grey joggers you always loved.

Okay. You know this is weird, hence the embarrassment. Duh?! Earlier you weren't able to control the urges you felt, the mood swings, the craving, and now?! This fucking arousal.

You made an appointment with your doctor as soon as you woke up the following morning, hoping she would prescribe some pills or any kind of medications to reduce the arousal you felt but it didn’t help you much because there was no way of completely avoiding that.

The doctor didn’t suggest you take the pills that might’ve helped you because you already had a lot of mood swings and anxiety episodes, those pills could’ve worsened them. She makes sense, a lot of sense but only when you thought about it with a cool head.

But at that moment, while she was telling you all that? It's just safe to say you can grit your anger in between your teeth.

Now you were sitting in front of your therapist hoping she would help you reverse the psychology or something which would help you not feel horny for your husband.

‘Your husband who betrayed you and was now trying to make up for what he did which you were okay with and hoping for everything to be better one fucking day ago but now you feel like you wanna kiss him so badly it makes you dizzy’

It was like a mantra, hecheatedhecheatedhecheated, so that you don't pull him in to kiss the shit out of his cute little face.

When you say the same things you thought, your therapist nodded her head noting something down in her notepad. Maybe she thought you were mental.

“Mrs Jeon, I would suggest you control your sexual urges towards your husband by trying to remove yourself from the room he’s in. Considering he doesn’t sleep with you, but if he does-“ but you cut her sentence in the middle by whispering quickly in his defense.

“No-no he doesn't, he sleeps outside in the lobby.” You shake your head not making eye contact, feeling somehow guilty of your husband's daily discomfort.

“And it's completely okay, Mrs. Jeon, to have your space and have some distance. It doesn't make you a bad person.”

Damn, she is good. You need to give her great ratings. You look up at her and watch as she nods her head with a small smile making you feel at ease.

“Did you talk about this issue with Mr. Jeon?” She asks you, and you shake your head slightly. Why do you feel guilty, and what do you feel guilty of most importantly? Nodding to your reaction, she says, “Would you like to discuss why?”

“Would that even change anything?” You say with a huff a second after she finishes her sentence, frustration evident on your face.

Shrugging she says, “It might make things clearer..” her eyes slowly crinkled due to her hair falling in her eyes. Flicking it away she looks at you slightly tilting her head. “Isn't this what you chose, Mrs Jeon? Being honest is what your relationship needs at this point, isn’t it?

Sighing you realize how you might be running away from things, after all, you chose this journey. You both did and somehow you feel you might be turning into an obstacle towards a better family life, yourself.

Turning your head towards the plant in the room’s corner, you speak with a distant voice, “I don't know, All that I have gathered from the problems I have had in my life is that I could win any kind of battle if it were against my mind but if it's my heart I am fighting against? It's a fucking lost cause.”

“What do you think is the reason you would be fighting your heart, Mrs jeon?”

You scoff whipping your head towards her, eyes glistening. Digging your nails before saying what you feel just on the tip of your tongue,

“I love him.”

There's a pause, followed by your therapist humming.

“I love him so much I wanna forgive him and try to make things better but..”

“But..?”

Another pause. A suffocating one.

“I can't seem to do that to myself or my kid. What kind of an example would I be if I give in to something that's not right?!” After you notice how your expressions change into a frustrated scowl in the tiny mirror behind your therapist's head you feel your tears start to fall off.

“I am sorry.” You say sniffling and somehow embarrassed of your feelings taking over you.

“It's okay, Mrs. Jeon, here..” she offered you the tissue kept on her desk, and you wiped your tears chuckling at your situation.

How did your life get to where it was? You have no absolute fucking clue.

♡♡♡

You wince minutely when you reminisce how your last session went with Ms. Shin.

One moment you were crying because you can't forget the night he told you that he cheated on you and one moment you cried because you wanna hug him and then cry into his chest about how your hormones wanted you to kiss him but you can't because then you would cry about how you shouldn't be feeling like this about someone who betrayed you, then again you cry because you can't forget how he betrayed you.

It's like a frustrating cycle. A cycle you wanna throw off of a freaking dam to let it drown and maybe rust when the water starts to break the metal. Maybe that would help break it because there was no way in hell you could succeed in breaking it.

Not to mention how you have to pee every minute of the day and then crave pickles with some honey on them while sitting on the toilet seat.

Sounds tasty, right? Yeah, you shake your head in a quick no too as soon as you step outside and think how pickles would rather taste better with peanut butter on it.

As you deal with your tears and the spasmodic hand stomping on the pillow or table around you to let go of the kissy-kissy thoughts in your head, your husband stays clueless.

Not clueless about the hormones, na-ah.

Just the fact that you stare at him before you slap your hand on the table, or thump down the cup on the table too harshly for anyone to not notice. He tried to ask you if you felt okay. But ended up getting yelled at for not leaving you alone.

You once yelled at him for leaving the windows open which you asked to be left open, saying he should’ve known better when to close them.

This looks cute in shows and movies of how cute the mother-to-be looks yelling at a clueless husband but you on the other hand feel bad for making him feel actually at fault when he has been trying his best to make you feel comfortable.

What does he do after getting yelled at? He apologizes, does what you asked or yelled at him to do, and leaves. He still comes back and eats the dinner your mother made with you and your dad helping her out.

You feel terrible for how you are behaving around him, the worst part being that he takes everything you do and say to him without even reacting ever so slightly. You tried living life with him normally but you can’t forget the thought that lingers in the back of your head; that the favorite part of living your life with him was the affection, the touches.

It's frustrating to say the least that you haven't even hugged him in the last few months, you know that there is a reason behind the distance but since your mind tells you to create boundaries and try things again, your heart doesn’t understand how someone could try to make things better from a distance. Especially you and Jungkook.

He did everything according to how you needed without you telling him. Your childhood therapist once told you no matter how perfect a person tried to be there are certain situations where you can’t control the things the universe decides for you. She said that when you were having trouble accepting that you were the reason one of your ex-best friends changed schools, stating that you made her feel insecure. You had no idea.

So you accepted your fate, then and now as well. Doing things as they go in the flow. You had a discussion with your parents about how you are supposed to be having dinner with Jungkook as advised by your therapist so your mom and dad eat their dinner by 7 o’clock as advised by their doctors while you accompany them by having your soup or tea.

They thought it was a good idea so you agreed to do it.

By 9 o’clock or quarter to 9 Jungkook enters and you have your dinner and the discussion you are supposed to have about the baby.

It has been 15 minutes since your mom and dad went to their room after insisting on sitting with you while you wait for Jungkook to be back. You have your phone in your hand which starts to buzz with Jungkook’s name on the screen with the bunny emoji.

Picking up with a smile you answer to his voice.

God, you missed him.

Yep, you said it.

Picking up he seems like he is on the way and is trying to get his phone back from someone. “Hyung give me my phone back, hold his hands Yoongi hyung, hey-!” yes he was snatching his phone back.

You can hear a bunch of yelling noises in the background and you recognize the screaming voice immediately, Jimin. You shake your head at the chaos and smile putting a grape in your mouth.

“Hey, Y/N I am sorry I am a little late, I just wanted to ask if it's okay with me to bring Jimin and Yoongi Hyung over to your parent's house we have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“Yeah, of course, kook, it's okay. Is everything okay though?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“What did you call me?”

Your eyes widen at how you didn't even realize how normal this felt to you. You haven't called him Kook ever since you cried in his car after your first therapy session, always walking on eggshells.

“Y/N?”

Courage. Squeezing your fist and eyes shut you say,

“I called you k-kook. Is that not okay?”

Your leg starts to shake not knowing what to say next.

“No! Fuck, I mean it's more than okay. You know what? Let's not talk about it I don't wanna jinx it.” You can hear him smile and you can't help but widen your smile. It has been so long since you smiled this wide and you somehow feel better.

You repeat the words in your head, Don't feel guilty Y/N, go with it. Go with the flow. Cut yourself some slack. You’re going through a lot, be easy on yourself.

You smile and hear him chuckle before-

“Oh, no hyung not in my car ugh, we’ll be there in 5 minutes Y/N, I’ll reheat the food when I get there don't worry. Yoongi Hyung push his head out the window please-” And he hangs up.

Smiling at the chaotic phone call, you get up to check on your mom and dad if they are still up, wanting to tell them about the guests coming over. But since they were soundly asleep with the nightlights on, you switch them off, regulate the fan's speed, and take the phone from your sleeping-snoring mom’s hand plugging it to the charger and checking if they had water around them.

After checking up on your parents you close the door to their room and walk towards the kitchen to drink some water. Even the small activities could make a pregnant lady tired and the jug in your room was empty so you walked slowly towards the fridge. The pain getting better but still evident in your lower back which makes you put a hand on your back while you open the refrigerator.

Suddenly you spot a Harley bike model Jungkook gifted your father when he came home to meet your parents for the first time. Your father was really happy seeing the model, him being a Harley fan. If age didn't play a role in life your father would've still been traveling with your mom like those couples you saw in uni.

You remember how you and Jungkook loved to travel on his bike, you holding onto him as if your life depended on it, hair flowing from under the helmet and him accelerating the bike through the streets, hills, and empty roads leading to the cabin the whole group planned to visit during his and Namjoon’s collective birthday celebration.

Damn, you were so in love. Still are, and will probably always be.

The group has always been there for you, they're like the family you never knew you needed until they came into your life. The chaos was a part of your life, the screams, the teasing, the weekend game nights, the celebrations, movie nights which turned into everybody and their girlfriends crashing in the lobby on the mattresses Jungkook bought for the night stays.

You remember what the situation was when you met him for the first time six years ago.

♡♡♡

“Damnit Tae, jump outta here.” You argue with Taehyung as the three of you look out the window of your room.

“Fuck no. Are you mental? I’ll die if I jump out of here.” Taehyung says whisper yelling at your roommate, Aera, who rolls her eyes at her dramatic “friend” panicking with wide eyes.

“No, you won't, don’t be dramatic.” You scoff as you push him slightly in the windows direction.

“It's a whole ass floor Y/N, the fuck is wrong with you?” He scowls at you as he regains balance panicking.

“Maybe we should call Jungkook.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook with that loud-ass bike? Nice. Sneaking a boy out of our room with the help of another boy. Fan-fucking-tastic, Taehyung.” You clap two times with a straight face.

“Guys,” your friend giggles as she tries to focus on the main topic in the room, while Taehyung goes back to sit on your roommate’s bed.

“I think he is right, Y/N, we could at least get help from JK.”

“Mhm, help in getting kicked out.” You mumble not so quietly earning yourself a middle finger from Taehyung and an eyeroll from Aera.

“Fine, do whatever you want.” You say rolling your eyes.

The thing was you were only partly nervous because of your forced eviction but also because you had never met Jungkook, the campus crush. More like the crush of every girl who saw him on his bike. You were not one of them, at least you wouldn't admit that but you wouldn't deny that he was a pretty face to look at and a very hot piece of ass to stare at. The proportions of that man were totally insane.

Tiny waist, big- biteable chest, broad shoulders, thick thighs, luscious hair locks, biceps people could hang on, the all-black outfit, and the very contrasting facial features. If he wore a helmet people wouldn't imagine how the guy had big doe boba eyes and a cute mole under his lips, skin better than half of the girls who spent so much on products. He always had that glint in his eyes making him seem so innocent, innocent but with a physique that can crush people.

You never talked to him so you don't know how he sounds or if he is a rude person. You just know he is Taehyung’s friend whom he hangs out with around the campus.

While you thought about how Jungkook might or might not be your crush, Taehyung called him and you all got up to sneak him out of the house.

“Wait you don't need to come if you don't want to Y/N,” Aera said after looking around the hallways and telling Taehyung to tiptoe downstairs since her aunt’s room was on the same floor as yours.

“H-Huh? N-no I wanna go as well. So that if she wakes up I can tell her we both went out to get some fresh air while the guys ran away y-you know? “

You said. Terrible at lying. You wanted to see the man coming to save his friend.

Your friend was in a hurry sneaking her fuck buddy out so she didn't pay attention to what you said and how you said it. A total stuttering mess.

Walking out of the house you never imagined him to be so..so..so tasty. Thats the only words that come to your mind. He parked his bike at a safe distance because of how much noise it made and approached you guys.

The image in your hand was like the 480p version of how beautiful and ethereal he was but in reality, he had tattoos. Tattoos! Not even a small one, a whole arm that stretched inside his white sleeveless tee.

You thanked the cloth gods for making this particular article of clothing because you needed to see how hot men you would want to eat up looked in it.

“Told you, you would need my help.” He smirks as Taehyung walks past him only turning around to come back and give Aera a quick kiss and then running away again, making her blush.

“Run dumbass, their landlord would skewer us on her cane,” Taehyung says and you chuckle at how exaggerated he made Aera’s aunt sound. At your chuckle, Jungkook looks at you and you pause mid-laugh when you notice him looking at you.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He extends his hand towards you and you blush not knowing how to respond to his raspy voice.

“Yeah, I know you.” You say staring at him with heat on your cheeks and immediately kick yourself mentally.

You sound like a fucking creep. I know you? seriously?

He smiles, “..and you are..?

“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude I’m Y/N, Hi heh.” You extend your hand to shake his and he whispers your name under his breath eyes still looking into yours.

“Hi Y/N, you’re very pretty.” While he rubs his thumb on your already heating skin making it burst into flames as he rubs it again.

“Kook!” Taehyung yells and you break the eye contact, taking your hand back.

“It's okay don't be sorry, I didn't find you rude rather, I found you cute.” He says as you look at him again. You think it was an imagination of your beauty-struck head or maybe it was due to dark but..did he just check you out?

You give him a confused look at what he said, making him chuckle. He sounds so deliciously hot and raspy. God.

“That you know who I am, considering how you’re always in the art studio. I found it cute.” He says with a smile leaning slightly towards your face and you lean back at the same time he leans in. He stays towering over you and maybe notices your expressions. You just hope he didn't notice how red your cheeks might be.

Does he know about the art studio? Only people close to you knew about it.

Seeing your wide eyes, he straightens up to his original height and chuckles. He sounds so good, it reaches inside you and you knew that you were fucked.

“Kook?” You didn't even notice when Taehyung came back to drag his friend back. Slapping his shoulder and then sprinting towards the bike again.

“Kook, let's go. She switched on some kind of light in her room oh god. She’ll beat your and my asses collectively.” Taehyung yells waving his friends over.

“Hey we’re gonna be in the beat party as well, Y/N lets go,” Aera speaks from the driveway of her aunt's house, slowly retrieving her steps.

But you were stuck. Stuck on how his bunny teeth played with the piercing on his lips. Not being able to bear eye contact with him, you flicked your eyes away.

When Taehyung yelled again from a distance, Jungkook responded with a ‘yea yea coming’ while stepping backward with his white sleeveless tee sticking to his body.

Generally, you didn't like summers but you were so glad it was hot enough that he decided to wear a sleeveless outfit, for you to ogle his tattoos.

Taehyung and Aera were already away from the both of you, Taehyung at a safer distance from the house and Aera still waiting for you at the house hoping her aunt just woke up for her nightly washroom trips and didn't see you guys with these beautiful men.

With a smile on his face, he stepped back facing you. Clicking his tongue twice to get your attention, you looked at him to immediately regret locking eyes with him. He winked at you and said, “See you around, sweetheart.”

You swear you saw his eyes flitting to your lips and then to your skirt that was flowing with the slight wind in the surroundings before he turned around and ran towards his panicking friend.

You knew he was casually flirting and was out of your league. And since you didn't believe your luck would suddenly turn out to be on your side you didn't think of his wink as something more than something casual.

But goddamnit, the crush you never admitted to, was finally admitted in your heart.

♡♡♡

You smile as you pick the model in your hand at the fond memories of how you tried so hard to remain just friends with the guy even though he hung out with you daily, accompanied you in your art studio confirming he knew about you before meeting you. You never knew your friendship could be more than what it was but maybe growing up and getting jobs made you want to prioritize yourself and your wants, so you decided to tell him how you felt but he beat you to it three days before you planned on confessing.

“Sorry sweetheart, wanted to kiss you as my girlfriend on Valentine's Day without the fear of rejection in the back of my brain.” That's what he said before he kissed the living daylights out of you on the gazebo at your favorite park.

You smile remembering how he took you to the park saying the cherry blossoms were blooming early that year, you believed him nodding with excitement and you went along with him running and holding hands. Reaching there you were sad that no blossoms were blooming but then he gave you the promise ring he ordered from the vintage store you loved so much. You knew it cost him a lot but when you asked him about it he just chuckled deeply avoiding that question and before you could pick that topic again he kneeled on one knee and asked you to be his girlfriend officially.

You smile at the memories and keep the bike model back on the shelf, the flashback coming to a halt as you come back to the living room when your phone buzzes with your husband's name on it.

He didn't ring the doorbell nowadays to be cautious in case your parents were asleep. So you went to the door and opened it already expecting Jimin leaning on Jungkook’s shoulders while Yoongi just snickered at his younger brother, seeming unconscious but Jimin was very much awake, also very very drunk as he clung to Yoongi telling him everything was going to be okay. Jungkook held three bags as he gave you a sheepish smile at his Hyungs’ behavior.

“Yes, Yes, Jimin. It's gonna be okay.” Yoongi held Jimin very firmly while giving you a small smile before asking where to put him so that he could blubber nonsense somewhere your neighbors wouldn't hear.

Jungkook chuckles and leads them to the guest room while muttering a ‘hi’, looking at you from head to toe as if checking if you had any injuries.

“Hi,” you whisper, enough for him to catch your voice.

“How was your day?” You ask trying to take the bags from his hand but he tilts his body giving you a look that says ‘Really?’.

Sighing with a smile, you close the door and follow him inside.

“It was good- Oh shit the guest room door is locked. Wait hyung let me get the key” he put the bags on the counter while a grunting Yoongi held a wobbly Jimin in his hands.

“Wow realized it so soon,” Yoongi says sarcastically l as Jimin looks at you with a smile on his face. Gasping dramatically, he removes himself from his brother's shoulders and comes towards you, slightly tilted, but he somehow reaches you.

“I can see your baby.” Your eyes widen at what he said and you scoff a laugh as Jimin kneels down in front of your belly.

“He means you’re showing, and he is noticing that now, only, he sounds creepy as fuck.” Yoongi walks back to the sofa and sits down with a long sigh.

“May I please?” He says as hovers his hands over your belly with big puppy eyes and you chuckle at how patiently he wants you to answer.

“Yes, Jimin you may.” You say with a laugh and he whispers to your tummy hovering his hand above it like it's a crystal ball.

“Hi tiny person, I am Jimin, your godfather..” he giggles at the end of his sentence while you hear Yoongi chuckle from the couch.

“The fuck? When did we decide that hyung?” Jungkook stands next to you with keys hanging from his fingers, narrowed gaze focused on his elder brother.

“Shhhhhh” Jimin shushes Jungkook loudly almost spitting on your belly. You laugh as he looks pointedly at Jungkook.

“You don’t get to decide that. Dumbass.” Jimin slurs out and tries to get up grabbing the trousers Jungkook wore, almost making him fall over with his weight.

“Hyung, fuck you’re heavy when drunk.”

“I fucking know right? I don’t know how that happens..” Yoongi mumbles typing something on his phone, stretching his neck sideways to pop the strained muscle.

Jungkook stumbles while you also try to help him balance Jimin by bending slightly to keep a hand on his shoulders, but then you remove it as Jungkook whispers ‘I got him I got him’ assuringly not wanting you to take any strain.

Smiling to yourself you walk over to the couch adjacent to where Yoongi was sitting, asking if he needed water or anything like that.

“Nah I’m good. Thanks.” He waves his hand as he keeps his phone aside watching how Jungkook manages to drag Jimin back.

“...You’ll look good in a tutu as well..” Jimin says to Jungkook poking a finger to his sides continuously. “You know a white one with stars on it, I’ll gift it to the baby so that you can match your outfits then” Jungkook rolls his eyes in annoyance as Jimin’s voice fades into the guest room Jungkook opens for him to sleep in.

“Let me go check up on him yeah?” Yoongi says softly getting up from the couch, picking up a banana on the way to the guest room. Raising one of his brows and the fruit in the air as if asking for permission to eat it. You tilt your head with narrowed eyes passing on the message, ‘You have to ask?’

He smiles slightly shrugging and heads towards the guest room while pealing the banana.

“Jungkook, is he under control now or still wobbly- oh, fuck no-“ Yoongi asks from outside of the room but then pauses in his tracks as you hear Jungkook whine slightly out of disgust and you immediately get up feeling a slight ache in your lower back due to the hurry.

“Is everything okay?” You ask concern evident in your eyes.

Yoongi chuckles and moves away from the door, shaking his head. “Not gonna eat this now, sorry, Y/N.” He says, still laughing.

“Oh no did he-“Before you could say something Jungkook stomps his way out of the guest room and you immediately feel nausea entering you seeing your husband's sleeve covered in vomit.

“Hyung could you please help me heat the food? I’m gonna go take a shower, sorry hyungie just please-“ he continues walking towards the common bathroom at the end of the hall.

“Sure” Yoongi chuckles moving towards the fridge.

“I’ll help you..” you take a step towards the crockery cupboard.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll do it, you sit.” He says pausing you midway.

“No Yoongi lemme help..” you say but he just points the small spoon towards the island chair.

“It's okay Y/N I’ll do it.” He says nodding while opening the Tupperware filled with the various side dishes and the tofu-miso stew.

“I just don't wanna trouble you Yoongi, thanks though.” You say giving up on offering help as he heats the food one by one in the microwave.

“Oh it's not for free, I am taking the godfather’s title in exchange for this.” He smirks glancing at the room Jimin slept in.

“Yeah okay, try beating Jimin for the title. You chuckle looking in the same direction for a second and then at the man heating up the food. While he just gives you a small laugh while warming up the rice in the cooker, mumbling, “We’ll see who wins.”

You smile and pat your feet on the ground in a rhythm as Yoongi places the food on the kitchen island. You feel guilty for making him do this but he has already rejected your help three times so there was no point in arguing over it.

“Y/N?” Yoongi whispers looking at a plate in his hand.

“Yea?”

“I know it's none of my business and I should not even say something about this but can I just say it's really nice that you’re trying again?” He says lifting his head to look at your reaction to what he said.

You feel yourself freeze, this is the first time you had a conversation about your situation with Jungkook, the cheating, and the decision to try again. You sure talked about the pregnancy and yes there was always that lingering awkwardness in the air but this was new.

“Yea..” you sigh looking at your lap for a second and then lifting your head to give him a soft smile.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to get a chance to revive their relationship.” He says still looking at the plate while tracing the pattern on it with his index finger.

You know that his relationship ended badly, you knew how much he loved his girlfriend, you know he acts like it's okay but his dark circles tell another story, you know he looks thin and exhausted all the time but acts like it's nothing.

You know it's not nothing.

“Yoongi, I am sorry about-“But before you could finish your sentence he laughs almost in pain.

“It's okay Y/N, it's done, she is gone. She is happy without me and I can't change that.” He says and you feel your heart break at how small he sounds.

“It sucks but it's true.” He says softly, half to you half to himself, still trying to process his grief over the relationship he lost. After an uncomfortable pause, he continues.

“I saw him Y/N,” he points his chin in the direction of the washroom Jungkook was taking a shower in when you look at him confused at the change of topic.

“..and don't think I am taking his side 'cause he is like a brother to me but I say this honestly, he was devastated while he was away from you.” You just stare at him with eyes round and wide not expecting this conversation to go this way.

“He forgot to eat and sleep, just kept asking Jin Hyung and me if we saw you or if any other of guys saw you.” He says while you look at him nervously talking about the topic, picking his nails.

“Do you remember the time you were at the hospital due to your abdominal pain?” You nod at his question feeling your throat tighten up uncomfortably so you divert your gaze down at the plate with little blue flowers printed on the ceramic.

“He ran to the hospital since his car was still parked at your previous address.” Your eyes widen and you whip your head toward the man standing in front of you.

What does he mean he ran?

“What?” You whisper.

“Taehyung had a night shift and he was alone at the apartment. I tried to tell him to wait for me to pick him up when he called to ask if Taehyung left office or not, but he just hung up saying it would take too long.”

“So he ran to you.” You feel your throat tighten as humanly possible, eyes burning.

Wasn’t Taehyung’s house almost double times the way compared to your route connecting your house to the hospital? You can't even comprehend how he felt when you didn't even talk to him that day.

Shouldn’t you feel like he deserved to feel like that? Shouldn't you say that he did that to himself? That was what you should've said right? But your heart thumps harder every second making your eyes spill the tears gathering in them.

You remember Jungkook was really out of breath and was also wearing different slippers that day.

“Since it was pretty late, he couldn't even book a cab quickly..” Yoongi looks at you and notices how your gaze is zeroed onto him and immediately understands your expressions.

“Hey, I am not trying to make you feel bad or something like that, what he did and what you guys decided is totally none of my business but I just wanted to tell you that giving a second chance is not easy and I really wish things work out for your relationship. I really appreciate you both working through so much stress you know? I can see what his vision meant when he wanted to quit last month.”

“What?” You whisper

“No no, he doesn't want to quit now, I mean after what you both decided Namjoon talked to Mr. Park and handled it..” when Yoongi doesn’t see you respond to whatever he said he realizes that you look lost.

“You don't know, do you?”

“Don't know what?” You whisper again, heart racing. Why do you feel you're not gonna like what he is gonna say?

There is a pause, a very uncomfortable pause. He visibly scans your face and inhales sharply as if deciding against or in favor of telling you about the whole situation.

You clench your pajama pants into your fists as your hand rests on your lap. The kitchen felt stuffy all of a sudden. This might seem like an overreaction but your body feels defensive all of a sudden, deciding between running away or ripping the bandaid off.

Deciding on the latter you ask,

“Yoongi, please tell me?” You request softly and at your almost inaudible request, Yoongi sighs, giving up. He shuts his eyes for a second and then looks up smiling sadly at you.

You hold your breath.

“Um, he was promoted to be the next VP of the agency, and uh..” he rubs the back of his neck looking away, avoiding the eye contact with you.

“And he rejected it?” You whisper and Yoongi nods, still not looking at you.

“The job required him to give more time into his job, more hours away from home. From you and her.” He looks at you and then points his chin in your tummy’s direction.

“So when they told him the details about the hours and the business trips, he immediately refused. Since he was the most eligible person for the job, the CEO, Mr Park..” he says,

“Mr. Park.” You say at the same time nodding.

“Yes, Mr. Park tried convincing him saying he’ll adjust according to your due date and whatever changes Kook would want to his schedule but this kid..” Yoongi chuckles shaking his head, “..rejected it, saying if he had to quit the job he would do it but he would not add onto whatever hours he was working.”

“Then suddenly..” Yoongi picks up a tangerine from the fruit bowl and starts peeling it.

“He came up with an idea of actually quitting in order to give more time to you and your child, so when Namjoon said and I quote, ‘Y/N is gonna kill you if you do that, she knows how much you worked for this’ Jungkook said that you both decided mutually that rejecting the promotion was okay and you were okay with whatever he decided about his job. Which…looking at you right now doesn't seem like it.” Yoongi looks at you with a hesitant expression, offering you the peeled fruit.

You feel your ears heat up and not out of good reason, you are actually mad at him. You were hearing all of this for the first time and you can't believe he backed off from the job he got offered after working so hard. The reason he used to work his ass off, extra time, no holidays, always punctual, not caring about his meals and whatnot, and then just fucking backed off?

"When was this?" You say gritting your teeth, eyes glistening with angry tears, eyes still on Yoongi.

You take the piece of fruit from his hand and shove it in your mouth, eyes red with tears in them.

“Y/N..”

“Why didn't he tell me? And wait a minute he said it was a mutual decision?! What the hell?”

“Y/N, he must have had a reason for saying so, he did explain the reasons and it sounded like he gave it a lot of thought. “

“Don’t you mean WE gave it a lot of thought? hah.” You say chuckling bitterly, swallowing the fruit, your hand going through your hair in frustration as you face the direction where your husband showers unaware of the angry volcano on the other side of the bathroom door.

“What the hell is wrong with him?!” You almost scream but lower your voice remembering your parents are asleep, immediately looking around warily and Yoongi does the same, with similar expressions on his face.

“Sorry, I just feel so mad right now.” You say squeezing your eyes shut, speaking through your teeth.

“I guess you should talk to him,” he says looking at you softly.

“You’re damn right I will-“ you say

“But not now, privately, okay?”

You look at him breathing heavily, cheeks wet with tears, his eyes pleading to not lose your calm immediately. You look at his anger and countless emotions swirling in your mind, nose flaring.

“Ah, okay fine.” You say throwing your hands in frustration, coming back to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

The next few minutes Yoongi tried not to talk about anything and you just swirled your spoon in the spoon Yoongi served for you. He constantly made sure you were sipping the soup, giving you water, and peeling another tangerine for you.

He almost sighed in relief when the bathroom door clicked open and Jungkook came out of the washroom. The steam rushed out of the white-tiled space along with a drippy Jungkook and a goddamned towel around his waist.

You feel madder now. Is that even a word? You don't care because that's how you feel. Madder.

Remember when you said how your emotions were on a roll these days? Yea. It was an understatement because the moment you saw your husband with that damned towel hanging low on his hips your anger turned into angry horniness, you wished, only for a second, but wished Yoongi wasn't here so that you could straddle the half-naked guy and ask him about the stupid decision he made.

Although Jungkook had immediately rushed into the room to get some clothes on him it was enough to make your ovaries light up on fire. You're mad and horny, two things that don't go well for you. Especially not in this state.

"Hey guys I am sorry, I had to wash off all that puke stench. Why didn't you guys start eating yet?"

"I don't know maybe you took very long to shower." You snap at your husband and he freezes in his tracks to get the plate.

"Y/N, I was there for only 10 mins."

“I don't know, felt like 10 years."aAt your tone Jungkook looks at you concerned and then at Yoongi who watches awkwardly, the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Guys you know what I think I am gonna head home, I have eaten with Jimin earlier and need sleep."

“No- yoongi eat please-“ you request feeling guilty for making him awkward.

“Yes hyung, please finish your dinner.” Jungkook says, looking at his hyung but then flicking his gaze back at you.

“No no its really okay.” Yoongi says, already walking away from the island.

"Okay, hyung." He says after a second his eyes wandering back to you observing your sour mood. Eyebrows furrowed with thought while you just chewed on the rice mixed with the curry not looking at Jungkook after waving to Yoongi.

Yoongi walks towards the doorway with slow steps, the footsteps echoing along with the tinkled spoon made inside the curry bowl. He grabs the keys and walks towards the two of you, giving you a nod and patting Jungkook’s back.

"Take care Y/N and you too, kook." He stares two seconds longer at the younger male and then nods at him. Jungkook gets up halfway to which Yoongi waves in a signal for Jungkook to not bother seeing him off.

The door clicks shut leaving you and Jungkook in silence.

"Y/N wha-"

"Eat, Jungkook."

At your stern tone, Jungkook flinches and just resumes eating in silence. Silence for almost 10 minutes. 10 slow and irritating minutes. It was like the clock ticked 10 seconds forward and then 40 seconds backward. The silence added to the awkwardness you both felt, making the time more unbearable.

Again, did you mention slow?

All the thoughts come back to your mind, every emotion holding your neck in a chokehold, everything that you’ve felt since the day started comes back. The conversation with your mom about how she asked you if you wanted to move back in with ever, you thought your mom wanted you to leave so you cried. All the emotions you felt then catching up to you.

The thoughts of being alone with him made you happy and cry at the same time in the afternoon while you finished working on the report your seniors asked you to finish before your leave started. You feel all the emotions you felt while rewatching the notebook in the evening before dinner. You feel all the emotions at once, those emotions which you felt when Jungkook called you from his car and, also when he called you from his office to check if you had your medicine.

The emotions of frustration and anger when Yoongi told you about the job offer and how your husband rejected it. The thoughts about something bad happening to your child come back and make your head dizzy. It's too much at the same time. You're happy that he is eating his food in silence because if he did say anything before you finish, you might actually run to the bathroom to vomit all of your emotions.

After minutes of frustration and anger and sadness and silence, you finally got up and almost threw the plate in the sink, Jungkook tried to get your plate but you just brushed past him huffing finally making Jungkook ask you the question you didn't want to hear and hear at the same time.

You wanted to talk to him about the whole thing and didn't at the same time. You were on an emotional rollercoaster, and Jungkook was gonna be the bird that hit the coaster blades, getting hurt.

"Y/N did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, do you do anything right these days Jungkook? I don't think so." You chuckle throwing the glass of water into the sink thankfully not breaking it.

Turning towards your husband, you immediately regret saying what you said because he just looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes filled with gloss, nose red, and wobbly chin. His features make you feel like the worst human being on this planet.

"Y/N, I am sorry for whatever it is but can you tell me what's wrong?" He whispers looking- no, pleading with his eyes as you stand like a wall in front of him.

"You tell me, did you do anything to make me feel stupid and pathetic recently?" You say pointedly. Venom. Pure venom.

"Baby.."

"Don’t. Don't call me that." You say firmly.

"Shit- I am sorry Y/N please tell me what happened..wait-" You push yourself away from the counter instantly feeling the pain in your lower back.

“Bab- Y/N wait.” He rushes to your side holding one of your hands and one holding your waist, giving you support but somehow his touch stings, in the best way. You hate your mind and heart. You just hate it.

“No, I can walk myself I am not a toddler.” He doesn't let go of your hand even though you tell him to, he helps you walk towards your room. You try to tell him that you can walk alone but he doesn't listen instead he just hums or mutters 'I know' and it infuriates you more.

Why isn’t he saying anything? You’re literally acting like a spoiled kid right now.

Opening the door he walks you inside the room and helps you sit on the bed. As you take heavy breaths placing a hand on your chest you feel how rapidly your heart raced.

Removing the lid of the glass sitting on your nightstand, he helps you sip some of the liquid. You feel tears in your eyes and when he removes the glass from your lips he just smiles sadly at you and wipes the tears from your face with his thumb.

Leaning into his touch you say, "Why are you okay with me being like this to you?"

Okay, that's a dumb question ask Jeon Y/N, you're mad at him but just looking at him you feel like you are treating him like shit for something he doesn't deserve. Of course, he cheated on you, of course, you want to not love him because of that, and of course, your heart aches when you think of the betrayal but can you ever unlove him? Can you ever hurt him knowing you're gonna hurt him and not feel bad? Can you ever just look at him and feel nothing for him? Can you ever not love him?

Your head feels buzzed and when he speaks and your anger explodes.

"I deserve it, baby." You scrunch his t-shirt in your hand and pull him towards you, making him almost fall on you but he regains his balance by placing one of his hands on the comforter. With wide eyes, he just stares at you and the way your eyes brim with fresh tears. He tilts his head as if feeling guilty for the tears but you don't let him say anything.

"Why?" At this he looks at you confused.

The other tattooed hand finds its way on top of your wrist holding his t-shirt and you feel your sanity fly away for a second but at his confused expression, you feel your anger come back.

"Y/N what-" he sputters with big eyes

"Why did you reject the job offer?" you finally say.

Pin. Drop. Silence.

"What?" he breathes out.

"You think you can make that big of a decision by yourself? " you say sniffling.

"How did you-"

"How did I know? How about, why didn't I know?" You raise your voice slightly, and he shuts the door so that your parents don't get their sleep interrupted, tilting slightly towards the entrance, your bed not being that far from the door.

"Y/N I am sorr-" you cut him off mid sentence.

"Sorry? How many things are gonna be okay just because you apologize Jungkook?! It was your dream, you worked so hard for it.." you say feeling tears spill out of your eyes and when he just looks down at your lap with his lips twisted in a straight line guiltily, you can't help but yell at him a bit, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

You didn't realize when your hand shifted from the t-shirt's neckline to his neck. You realize that only when his eyes shut for a second at the feeling of your hands on his face, the other hand coming to sit on top of the comforter on the other side of your body. Holding onto his face you asked him the question with big teary eyes, wet cheeks, and a wobbly chin.

"Tell me, kook?"

Sighing he answers, "Baby, they wanted me to go away."

"Don't lie to me, Jungkook, please. Yoongi told me they were ready to fix the schedule according to you -"

"And you think they were gonna do that for me forever?" He asks.

"Why did you say that I agreed then? Why did you lie? Why didn't you come talk to me? Do you think I wouldn't have understood or that you think it's not important for me to know?"

"Would you have let me quit if I wanted to?" He asked instantly.

You pause. Dammit.

"You see? That's why I didn't tell you. You're already handling so many responsibilities, I didn't wanna worry you more." He says, eyes turning soft.

You look at him. Eyes looking at him trying to find dishonesty, the thing was, Jungkook doesn't lie. Even after he did what he did, he came out to you truthfully. It hurt but you're where you are because he was honest. It's the bare minimum, honesty, but its rare. At least in your experience. But not with Jungkook. He can't lie.

"They were willing to change my schedule for me only until she is born.." he says looking at your tummy and then lifting his eyes to look at you.

"..I can't risk being away from you again. It might sound like I am lying but Y/N, baby, I don't wanna be away from you even for a single second. I wanna prove myself to be worthy of a second chance. I wanna be worthy of you and her. I can’t imagine my life even for a second without you or her. You can push me all you want, you can yell at me all you want but don't tell me that I should've chosen a job and not my family. I know I don’t have an answer for why I did what.." he pauses gulps and continues.

"...I did, I myself don't know why I did it, and trust me if I could turn back the time I would. But baby..." he puts his hand on yours that is resting on his cheek waiting for a second, barely visible, but he waits for some kind of negative reaction to him touching you. When he senses none, he continues,

"...I love you, and I will love you for my whole life, I will love you and my family until I breathe. I am so sorry for fucking things up but I want to fix them, I can fix them, we will fix it. Just don't please.." he squeezes his eyes shut slightly squeezing your hand as well.

"... don't ask me to go away from you. I can't live away from you. I would quit my job if that's what it takes to be with my family, to take care of my family, to take care of you, and to take care of us. Please tell me I can be with you, can you please tell me you don’t want me to go away? Pleas- “

You tell him exactly that, but not verbally because wasn’t it ironic how he feels sorry for not knowing why he did what he did when you don't even think of any second thoughts before you do what you do, without knowing why.

Lips crashing on his, you shut him up with an answer you feel him absorbing inside him. He freezes when you kiss him, his breath stuttering when you move your lips against him. You squeeze his t-shirt in desperate need, and you feel him flutter his eyelids against your cheekbones, your tears mixing with his, and he kisses you back.

Does it last? Does your happiness last? No.

As soon as he moves his lips, you hear him sniffle and break the kiss. His eyes are still red, and his cheeks are slightly wet as well. He sniffles again, but the only sound you can hear is your heartbreaking because he moves away.

Away from the bed. Away from the comforter. Away from the kiss. Away from you.

He gets up and takes a step back, shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. He curses under his breath as if regaining his composure while you just stare at the space where he was sitting earlier.

“I- I am sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't, I can't. I am really sorry, I shouldn't. I just shouldn't. I am sorry.”

And he leaves the room, shutting the door, not completely but leaving it slightly ajar. It's just like he does always. You hear the kitchen tap opening. He probably is doing the dishes. You hear everything from outside the door, but you feel like there's radio silence in your room.

A low beep-like sound ringing in your ears, embarrassment? Hurt? Love? Anger? Betrayal? Pain? Need? Desire? You feel so much at once, and you don't know what to do with it. This is getting so much more fucked and somehow you both find new ways to make this way tougher than anyone can imagine.

After some time, you hear the lights outside click off, and you can't help but wish he came to you. He does, but only to keep a fresh glass of water on the nightstand. He wishes you good night in a whisper, glancing once at your face and then,

...leaves.

Well, shit.

___________________________________________

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[aziraphales-library]

Hi!!! Do you have any fics where aziraphale is famous and crowley's just a "nobody"? preferably without explicit scenes, please :)) thank you so so much <3<3

Hello! We have a #famous aziraphale tag. Here are some fics in which Aziraphale is famous and Crowley is not. I could only find a couple of non-explicit fics, I'm afraid, but I'm pretty sure the smut is minimal/skippable in most of these...

First Thing In The Morning by FeralTuxedo (E)

Aziraphale Fell, erstwhile nerd, now successful fantasy author, is signing books at this year’s Heaven and Earth convention when he spots a red-headed man in the crowd. Someone he hasn’t quite been able to forget since his school days. And as luck would have it, Anthony Crowley, former troublemaker, now responsible adult, seems keen to reconnect.

Pride Month and Prejudice by TawnyOwl95 (E)

They say that you should never meet your celebrity crush. Especially when you know what an absolute bastard he is. So, of course, Anthony J. Crowley's participation in a queer adaptation of Pride and Prejudice for Pride Month has nothing to do with the involvement of A-lister A.Z. Fell. Crowley is only doing it so he has some gossip for his column. He didn't mean to get cast as Lizzy Bennet, he certainly didn't mean to be acting opposite Fell's Mr Darcy. And to make matters worse, Fell keeps staring at him...

Veni Vino Vegas (I Came, I Got Drunk, I Got Married) by A_N_D (T)

After a whirlwind drunken evening, author Az Fell came home from Rom-Con without his heirloom pinkie ring – but with a wedding license from a 24-hour Las Vegas chapel. Elsewhere, book fan Tony Crowley woke up with a hangover, vague memories, and a brand new ring he’s only seen in author photos. Mutually attracted, mutually terrified the other one thinks it was all a regrettable mistake, they turn to their dear but anonymous online friend to vent and ask for advice. …Maybe they should tell each other their screennames someday.

and now all of my garden is grown in lavender by ilikeblue (E)

Popular queer romance author, A.Z. Fell, has been lying about having a husband and a happy marriage for years. Longing to escape a string of failed relationships and looking for a fresh start, Aziraphale moves into the cottage left to him by his Great Aunt Agnes. When a TV adaptation of one of his books leads to sudden popularity and throws him into the limelight, his fans (and the press) are eager to catch a glimpse of Aziraphale's own mysterious leading man. Unfortunately, he still has to cast someone for that role. Enter the handsome gardener… Under Crowley's meticulous care the cottage's neglected garden slowly comes back to life, and Aziraphale finds himself writing the most important love story he'll ever write: his own

Once upon a time by elf_on_the_shelf (E)

‘Hello, my dear.’ Crowley bit his lip for a couple of seconds before he took a deep breath and just went with it. ‘Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?’ There was silence at the other end. Oh shit. ‘That was my friend messing around with my phone…?’ ‘You do realise that only works over text.’ ‘Myeah.’ Why was he like this? He had wanted to kill Bea for doing the same thing and yet here he was, doing the thing. At Bea’s behest, mind you. ‘I would love to go for coffee. Oh, and cake!’ Aziraphale is a very rich and successful writer. Crowley is at the worst possible moment of his life - living off Bee's couch and posting his mum's fairy tales on some random sites only to be ignored by everyone except one random person simply called A. This is a story about how both of our main protagonists get over the ghosts of their pasts, learn to work together and maybe - just maybe - fall in love in the process. Not to mention that all of the characters that we love (hate - looking at you, Gabe) make an appearance.

The Infernal Bodyguard by Santillatron (M)

Alistair Zira Fell is a popular author. Loved by everyone he meets. Well, almost everyone. Someone is trying to hurt him, and right now, he needs a bodyguard. Anthony J. Crowley is the best, although he doesn't work with celebrities. He has three rules. He never gets too close, never stays once the job is done, and Never Gets Involved. But this isn't a thriller. This, is a love story.

- Mod D

[mylittleredgirl]

i always sing the praises of having a beta reader if you want that sort of thing, but actually there are two separate fic-editor types:

alpha reader: just fucking uncritically loves your work. #1 fan. fully obsessed with the pairing you're writing to the exclusion of all good sense. might correct a comma or two but they are there to tell you that you are amazing and that you have never done anything wrong in your life and you should post that shit immediately. you ask them "does this part work?" and they say yes before the question is fully out of your mouth. the golden retriever of writing friends. every writer 100% needs one of these in their back pocket.

pros: THE best preemptive defense against the gaping chasm of self-doubt between "post work" and the first kudos.

cons: this is the reason why sometimes you see a fic that has eight beta readers thanked in the author's notes and the main character's name spelled wrong.

beta reader™️: these friends also fucking love your work, but the way they want to love it is to stick their fingers in your fic like a fruit bin at the grocery store and gently squeeze your characters (and commas) to see if they're ripe.

a good beta reader will copy edit your fic, notice if you've used the same sentence three times, and let you know if your sex scenes seem to contain the intended number of dicks per person.

a great one will highlight for you what's unique and wonderful about your writing, will help you problem-solve and plot through long fic, and will lovingly bug the shit out of you with how did she get here? and would he really say that? and is this what you meant? and when you say "oh shit no it isn't" their eyes light up and they go OKAY! let's figure this out!!!

more of a border collie kind of situation.

pros: the best way to polish your fic and grow as a fic writer. in my experience, it's also an incredible way to work through impostor syndrome. knowing someone you respect has been all up in your fic's junk and still says "it's great and you're great, now post it!" is a game-changer.

cons: if they show you what's not working, you're probably going to have to take time to fix it :/

caveats: not everyone who wants to give constructive feedback can deliver it in a way that works for everyone, so if the experience ends up making you feel bad, this is not a good match! it's also VERY helpful to tell your beta reader what level of editing you're looking for. if someone asks "can you give this a quick once-over before i post?" i know they want me to look for obvious mistakes and reassure them that it's post-worthy. if you ask me to "rip it apart" i'm going in there with a fine tooth comb.

(the primary motivation of both of these editor breeds is, of course, that they want you to write more and they want to read it before everyone else.)

bonus mode:

specialty reader: sensitivity readers and subject matter experts! if you are lucky enough to find and motivated enough to use one of these, their job is not to look at commas or to tell you that you're great, but to give advice on something specific in your fic.

edit: check the reblogs for a correction! turns out “alpha reader” is a pre-existing term in some circles for someone who helps you during the process, a lot like the great beta-reader i described above. taking suggestions for renaming my version of the alpha reader above. i’m thinking “hype man.”

[hermioneismyrealname]

My Stand in Ep 11. Ah the curse

OK. So this felt rushed. Do I care? Kinda. My entire rant below

Joe's mum got a letter exposing his relationship with Ming. I cringed. But then it was supposed to be resolved. "We'll go and see her this afternoon?" Did that happen off screen?

Then we have May being an absolute queen who deserves none of this shit.

Then the Mum. She was the one who sent the lawyer. I cant defend her but I do understand her desperate actions. But then she relents to the man when he gets to feed Ming. Love her dreaded face cause there was still hope in her face when that idiot gave Ming an ultimatum.

Speaking of that dinosaur. HAH! his face. His face. That was it. The conflict in his face. The fact that he wants his son to be happy but in HIS way is interesting. When Ming pulls two up on him and WINS is hilarious. He was so sure that Ming was the one who exploited his wealth the most (he isn't wrong), so to him, it WAS clear what the simple choice would be.

Oh YOU! older brother. I cannot wait for you to bring the secretary to the dinner table and give that geizer a heart attack. Please. But HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER IS CONSISTENT BUT HIS CHOICES ARE NOT! He was reluctant to let Joe near him. But relents when he hears what happens with Joe mum. "As an apology"? My guy, if you didnt do it why are you apologizing? Then it goes to him not believing Ming's belief that this is Joe. Ming hasnt eaten and has proven to be psychotic sober and stupid when drunk. I dont blame him for not believing him. I would have called quits if he didn't. Then one vomit spill later and he consults the wise cryptic man for advice. May i remind everyone how vague his answers are? How the hell did he get a straight answer that he was convince that was Joe 1.0 in Joe 2.0 body?

Next. Tong. Fuck you.

Following this was Sol. I do not like you. You give me an ick. You are the "Kawaii" but add the "-sou" and that is you, sol. But he is a friend.

Joe. Hey Joe. You good? Hah. You go into the light, man. You deserve it. And how was the cryptic man? did he save you from making a dumb mistake? Perhaps but why you had a montage in the third person in a cinematic lens, i'll never know. Also you getting shot? Predicatable. He is a heart of gold. But when Joe fell down the stairs, I cackled like a sanity deprived witch. PFt.

Now finally, Ming. YOU PSYCHO. YOU BRILLIANT LOVE SICK PSYCHO. So far, you did good. Kept beating your father at his own game. Won his mum over. Got his brother to break laws. Broke his sister's rose coloured glasses. He asked good questions like when will Joe stop being the good person. Then, he puts himself at risk for this stand-in. No notes, apart from that he should have punched Tong when he saw him at the studio.

That was a rushed episode. But i think with the run time they had, this was the best we would have gotten. There is still so much to cover in the 12th episode and not having a preview is a wild choice. A good one. This raises the stakes and keeps people on edge. Perhaps they will release it but it would be wise to keep things as a mystery since the trailer is already out there. This series has drastically changed from the book and I appreciate both separately. I've always had the opinion of keeping the book and the series separate. Pepsi is brilliant in keeping the beauty of the story while Up and Poom portray the characters with such detail. A whole series cannot be judged on a single episode that only lacks in a certain attribute - in this case, pacing.

I cannot wait for episode 12 and May's signature on the divorce papers. One thing though, if Tong gets to apologize, i want Mek to pull off so much patheticness that you can only feel pity. And if Joe does end up in a wheelchair, I want him to be drowning in money. Nope. None of this stuggle in poverty. Enough of that in real life. If switching souls exists, i want infinite money for the afflicted, too.

Welp thats my take.

[corvis-crimson]

Basic Writing Advice

Take everything said with a grain of salt because this is just what I do…not what everyone should do

I’d like to give writing advice to people as someone who has written stories since I could pick up a pencil. However, I’m realizing a lot of my advice may not work for everyone…

Despite this I will be posting this post anyway!

Make your rough draft good enough that spelling and grammar aside…you could feasibly send it out into the world! Then go back and fix things that need fixing!

The best way to know if something needs fixed is to have someone else read it! If they don’t understand what’s going on you need to elaborate more!

If you feel like you’re using too much detail or too many words try using bigger words in place of two to three smaller words!

Act out scenes in your book as you write them and be aware of how you do things! Watch how others do things and emulate that! Study people! It’s the only way to write movement well…

For that first draft focus only on getting it to sound good and flow well! Fix grammar the second time through!

Aim to write ten pages a day then get upset when you don’t do that! Guilt yourself into writing close to ten pages a day until your book is finished! You’ll be upset you keep not reaching your goal that you’ll be determined to reach the ten page mark and by the time you start reaching it your book is almost done! It’s a life hack to completing your book under your own nose!

Dont focus on one project by itself unless you think you can get it out in six months or less (what I did with my first ever book linked in my pinned post)

If you’re a reader like me don’t read any books while you’re writing (I know it’s hard but trust me I got way more done when I wasn’t reading) if you must read at least read something from a different genre!

Write in chronological order and make a bullet point list for your plot chapter by chapter if you must! You can go off path but so long as it you make it to the next bullet point you’re good!

Do not pigeon hole yourself into one genre!! You’ll get bored of it if you don’t challenge yourself!

Write for yourself and don’t be afraid to take inspiration from things! So long as you aren’t copying things word for word and so long as you aren’t stealing characters or plots ITS FINE! It’s great actually!! (Think of it this way…I am a HUGE zombie movie fan and just because there are already a lot of zombie movies out there in the world when a new one comes out I will definitely watch it! Not only will I watch it but I won’t care if it’s similar to another zombie movie I enjoyed!)

Get the words out of your head it doesn’t matter how! If writing scrawled words you can barely read across notebook paper gets them out then do it! Don’t let your story die!

If you let anything sit for over a year and it has less than five pages go ahead and re-write those pages! Start fresh from the beginning because you’ll never be in the mindset you were in when you first wrote it again!

If time was a social construct and the human body could withstand lack of sleep, water, and food…if locked in a cell with nothing else to do but write the ideal thing to do would be to push through and write the entire thing in one setting! Get that shit out of your head before it drives you insane! Since the human body does need sleep, water, and food I suggest writing as much as you physically can before stopping! The only reason I’ve ever finished a book was because I wrote the first twenty or so pages in one sitting!

Re-read your book until the thought of looking at it again gives you a headache! It’s the only way to catch all the mistakes…(side note: when combing through the interior of your book don’t make the mistake of slacking on your cover thinking you are now invincible…you’ll make a mistake)

As your book nears its final chapters go ahead and design the cover! Select a style and a theme to match your books contents! Amazon cover designer has great covers but I recommend taking a photo for your cover! (At a later date I will make a post about cover design etc)

Taking breaks is good but taking longer breaks is bad! Get some water, get some tea, some koolaid, a pitcher of lemonade?! Whatever floats your boat! Set it next to you and when you’re stuck pour a glass and have a drink! I call this “Drink and Think” and something about pouring the drink into the glass and taking a sip helps refresh my brain!

[orchidyoonkook]

Do you have any tips for new writers/accounts to get popular???

Hello!!!!!

SO:

I was a shit writer for a very long time cuz I never wrote. But one day I wanted to change that so at 19 I made up a story and wrote down all my plot points and then did a DEEP DIVE on Pinterest of all things collecting every bit of advice I could. I’m talking ideas, how to do this, how to not use the word said, how to start sentences. How sentences should flow and their lengths, big uncommon words. EVERYTHING.

Anything and everything I could get my hands on. 

And on top of that I’ve been a reader for forever. I have so many books I don’t even know how many I have. And so I use that knowledge when editing. I don’t read it from a writing POV after I write it. I turn into a reader and think about how I would feel about it from a readers POV and if something doesn’t work. I fix it.

I have a small background in script writing from my college days which definitely helped a bit. But if you’ve ever studied script writing you know it doesn’t really help creative writing outside of structure.

And when I write I’m someone who writes until I think the story is done. Not the arc. Not the characters. But the overall story of what I’m trying to portray. I don’t actively think about putting the climax of the story here or some foreshadowing there. I write intuitively if that makes sense. I try to sense out what feels right. And some of that comes naturally, some of it doesn’t and I have to work on it.

Me and @violetsiren90 were actually talking roughly about this last night. Our differences in how we write and how my advice from her last fic that I edited had already helped her with her new one cuz she can now see all of the little things that I pick up on from my style of writing versus the times where she tells me why she writes in that specific way and why she will be keeping it as is. Vi if you wanna add anything in the comments I’m forgetting, by all means feel free.

Most writers will tell you to practice. To tell you to write something even if it’s just a sentence everyday. But that didn’t help me. The stuff on my blog are the very first things I’ve written for myself ever. I didn’t write in highschool or college outside of what I was forced to write and my one story that the Pinterest board was initially for.

For me it was about researching style and reading posts like these from other writers, being confident in your style and learning what rules to break and when to break them. It was about reading over your work a hundred times and to be impartial when you read so you can fix the mistakes that won’t work.

The benefit of writing is you can go over something you’ve written a hundred times until you think it’s ready. A thousand times. I can go back and rewrite that first story if I want too. Nothing can stop me.

But don’t get me wrong. I go back and read all my works on here from time to time and I still constantly find things I would change now. Word changes. Phrasing changes. Everything. But that’s just another sign of improvement. Writing is a constantly improving art form. There is no limit. Only growth.

And the last thing I do is write down everything. I have a TERRIBLE memory. So I write down every single idea. On a scrap piece of paper. In my phone. On a computer. In a notebook. Cuz you never know when you’ll use it.

My most recent story, The Devil Wears Valentino, I got the idea for that name sometime in the immediate aftermath of Valentino Yoongi. I was in the shower after watching the devil wears Prada and my mind just connected the two. And then it sat unused in my notes all until the week before Halloween 2023. I would’ve forgotten had I not written it down. But there it was right when I needed it, a gift from past me. And here we are.

As for popularity, dude I have no goddamn idea. I don’t even think I count as a popular/big blog. I utilize the HELL out of aesthetics, formatting and tags and I’m nice. That’s my spiel on that. Aesthetic. Format. Tag. Kindness. Talent, sure. I guess. But writing is one of those things, ESPECIALLY in fic, where it doesn’t have to be the best cuz folks just wanna read their comfort character or person in the same scenarios over and over again. Source: I do that. And I’ve read stories that don’t have the best writing. But the story was good, or vice versa. People are way more forgiving on here.

I didn’t come on here(tumblr) with the intention of writing let alone giving writing and popularity advice. I just wanted to read and support people and then the community I’ve built for myself has just grown and grown and I’ve been so incredibly fortunate, which is where kindness comes in.

Leave reviews and like and reblog stuff. Tell people how much you love their work. Let them know you write too. Create friendships with people who wanna support you. And people who you wanna support. Community is the base of everything.

[del-stars]

People need to understand that just because Regulus ended up betraying Voldemort, that does not excuse his actions and the fact that he was a racist piece of shit. He betrayed Voldemort because Voldemort wasn’t holding up to his end of the bargain. In fact, if anything, Voldemort betrayed Regulus first. Just because Regulus got upset and decided to do his little teenage wizard angst arc does not excuse the fact that he was a racist, f@cist, pure blood supremacist who does not deserve redemption.

this is so funny to me because i am.... not a regulus defense blog? i don't really post often about regulus (outside of my wip, which is an au and thus has nothing to do with anything you've just said). i think there's a anti regulus/jegulus anon who's been blindly sending hate as you clearly haven't scrolled through my blog but as i've been sick in bed for three days now and am thus bored out of my mind, let's write an essay :)

re: regulus being a DE, i quite literally do not disagree with you. regulus, to me, is at his most compelling when we consider all aspects of his canon storyline, including the fact that he worshipped voldemort. i find it really bland when he gets given sirius' storyline or is reduced to "my parents forced me to do this" because we know (again, canonically) that they didn't. it's interesting to have a character who made mistakes, and (considering my self-proclaimed bias in favor of all things sirius black) it's really just boring to remove all nuance from his and sirius' stories to just make them essentially identical.

in regard to voldemort betraying regulus first, i'm actually laughing because i have a big rant about this that i saved in my drafts last night wherein i, once again, do not disagree with you. the tl;dr of that was regulus probably felt betrayed upon discovering that voldemort was a half-blood (looove to imagine this was what he meant by 'your secret') who had disrespected what he considered his personal property. regulus, who had been forced to be #2 his entire life, was operating under someone he considered fundamentally less than, which he deemed unacceptable. again, we will literally never know the truth on this, because we're given such little detail in canon, so people can go whichever way they want.

but, in his defense, he was sixteen. apologies to all my sixteen year old followers, but your brain is quite literally not formed. you're in no place to make informed decisions about anything. and, if you've lived an incredibly sheltered life in which you've constantly seen someone physically abused and belittled, and then you're told "as long as you don't act like him, you won't end up like that," you're probably ripe for manipulation and radicalisation. regulus was heralded as the perfect son for being in slytherin and being a pureblood supremacist, and he knew the danger of disobeying his parents. so, yeah, he probably took it a little too far.

does this mean regulus was right in what he did? well, no. did he do the right thing in the end? maybe/kinda. did he die a misguided, sheltered child, and thus we have no real perception of the choices he would've made were he an informed human being? yes.

i think calling him a racist/f@cist is a very.... interesting choice, but i'll save that essay for another day. i don't think those terms are things we should be throwing around in fandom.

to conclude, i offer one sage piece of advice: touch grass. take an internet break. go for a walk. he isn't real. he's made-up. all of this is. you don't need to interact with it if you don't want to. scroll. block the tag. again, i hold some relatively controversial regulus opinions myself, but i happily scroll on when i see things i don't agree with. policing the marauders fandom is a slippery slope. you can think regulus stans are annoying/incorrect, but you cannot tell them to stop theorising on a character, because that is what this fandom is built on. if we stop encouraging one another to brainstorm about new characters, this fandom is going to become a very boring place to be.

[ninyard]

Heya! I’m new to writing fanfic despite reading for more than half of my life, and I have maybe a silly question: do you get help from a beta? How does one…find that help? 😅 I have a TRC and a TFC fic I need to complete and no godly clue how to find someone to read over what I write so I don’t obsess myself into spirals on my own haha.

I don't personally! But not for any specific reason - I think if literally ANYONE turned around to me and said they would be cool with beta reading my fics I would LOVE that shit. With the amount of mistakes I miss even after half a dozen rereads, I probably should have one lol

In general what I do is just step away from things for a day or two once I think they're finished, then read through it all, and if I trip up over anything in my brain, or find anything that feels a bit too wordy/like a mouthful, I'll revise it. I hate second drafts with a PASSION but for my first draft I usually write out the whole thing, with its bare bones, and fill in the gaps later. If you get stuck on something, just move on and come back to it later. Need to describe another character but don't know what to do? Just write 'He had blue eyes and brown hair' and move on. Things like that. It's so much easier to come back to it and fix it then fixating on it and getting nowhere. (i do a lot of additions in my edits, hence how my most recent fic went from 13k words in the first draft to 18k after the edit.)

I'm one of those losers that gets inspired by reading my own writing, so stepping away from fics when you think you've spent too much time spiralling over it, to come back to it later, is a LIFESAVER. Things you thought you were stuck on will get so much clearer once your brain has had a break, once you've """forgotten""" the exact words you wrote down. Read it from the beginning like it's your first time reading it, read every word, and if something takes you out of it, then figure out why and fix it.

Most importantly try not to be too worried about numbers and other peoples' opinions. It's easy to become discouraged when you're 5 chapters into a fic and it feels like nobody is reading it or liking it, but write for yourself!

Practice makes better, because it’ll never be perfect. Just have fun, don’t take it too seriously, and write what you want to read. Make a post and tag the fandom on it asking if anyone wants to be a beta reader, or maybe ask if anyone wants to “swap” (you beta read theirs and they read yours). I don’t know though!!!! I have never ever written with a beta reader so I don’t really have any advice there:((

I'm sorry I know you didn't ask for advice and I hope this doesn’t come across as rude or anything. We all start somewhere!! Here’s snippets from a fic I wrote in 2016 vs a different one I wrote this year.

Everybody starts somewhere, I’ve been writing fics for like 12 years and I still doubt if my writing is any good. Sure, validation is nice, but you have to trust yourself (and like your own stuff!!). and if you feel worried about your writing just keep going!!!! You’ll find your style and settle into it but just trust yourself and have fun my friend!! You’ve got this<3

(This got way too long and I rambled too much I’m so sorry)

[solarmorrigan]

I’m so glad Robin got to rip Eddie a new one in Hands Where I Can See Them!! And ohhhh since Wayne was home when Robin was chewing him out, maybe Wayne will come in with some good advice or just parental disappointment in how Eddie handled everything. Especially if Eddie has to explain exactly how Steve discovered that Eddie thought they weren’t dating.

I love it when Wayne is a mediator in fics, but I also understand if you don’t want to add him into the fic, I just think Eddie needs a calm third party who knows he didn’t mean to hurt Steve, but will be disappointed in how he handled everything. Like what if Wayne had woken up and heard Robin’s parting shot and wants to know what she meant by that. How did Eddie dismiss Steve last night?

I’ve reread each part like five times now, thank you so much for sharing your fics 💖💖

Robin deserved to yell a bit! Not only did Eddie hurt her best friend (criminal offense), he also ruined her night, because Steve was upset, which means Robin is upset, yaknow? Like, of course she's going to do whatever she needs to help Steve out and make sure he's taken care of, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't rather nothing had happened to make that necessary in the first place

I actually did consider adding Wayne in at the end of the most recent part (did the man really sleep through that whole argument? we may never know), but I figured Eddie had probably been through enough for the moment without having to also immediately explain to his uncle what had happened. It bothers me when characters get dog-piled in fics for making a mistake - as in, person after person shuts them out or tells them how badly they've screwed up. It feels a little like saying that they really need to suffer before they can be forgiven, which doesn't sit right. Forgiveness should come from understanding how your behavior hurt someone and working to change that behavior; suffering doesn't teach you jack shit. But that's a different conversation! The point is, I'm at least trying to give Eddie breaks between people going "What were you thinking??" at him

I think Wayne will have to at least make an appearance, though. Steve's practically been living with them, and suddenly he's gone; Wayne could hardly fail to notice the change, even if Eddie wasn't suddenly moping around. And I do love mediator Wayne! The thing I want to avoid is using him as a kind of deus ex machina; I feel like sometimes we bring Wayne in to explain to Eddie how he's feeling, so Eddie doesn't have to work to reach those conclusions on his own (this happens with Robin for Steve, too, I think). It's helpful to have a third party as a sounding board, or to help break up self-destructive patterns, but I like it when characters have to do their own emotional heavy lifting

...anyway, that was probably a lot more rambling than you expected when you sent this ask, which was very kind of you to do and made me smile to read, so hopefully my answer didn't put you off??

[softpine]

oooh i am not the same anon that asked about finn's dad but they've inspired me SO! if you, as Brandi the writer of this story, could say anything to only three characters (without obvious spoilers) in frozen pines, who would you speak to and what would you choose to say to each of them?

i love this question!! i really had to think about this omg. in the end i chose the characters i think would be receptive to what i want to say, and is actionable advice (ie. not just me telling them something they already know or will know in the future!) this rules out asa (too stubborn), finn (doesn't care what i think), jada (doesn't trust me enough), etc.

to stevie: from one woman in STEM who barely scraped by in high school to another… it's worth the effort. you may not get there as quickly as everyone else (i didn't!) and you'll probably wonder wtf you're doing at least once a day. but it's the only thing you've felt so passionate about for so long, so you owe it to yourself to try. don't give up on your parents either. it sucks and it's not fair that you have to be the bigger person, but trust me, things will get so much better when you have some distance between you. they'll be excited every time they get to see you, since it happens infrequently, and you won't have to be involved in their business anymore. i'm sorry to say it, because i know it's not what you want to hear, but you're the type of person who's always going to need your parents. but that doesn't have to be a bad thing!

to caroline: you won't believe me, but you're such a wonderful mom. the knowledge you gained from past mistakes has made you understanding, calmer, and has given you a unique ability to connect with people. sadly, your never-ending quest to protect asa is futile. he's a force of nature, just as you were, with the kind of problems you can't begin to fathom. don't lose yourself in it. be there when he needs you, but be yourself too. listen to beth - she's pretty great at knowing when you need a break from everything. mostly i just want to say i see you, i know how hard it is to pick yourself up from the type of shit you went through, but you did it! you should be proud of yourself, not beating yourself up wondering how you could've done better.

to austin: all you've ever gotten from your family is tough love, so let me take a kinder approach. i recognize your efforts which mostly go unappreciated. but if you continue to give everything you have to what you think other people want from you, you'll run yourself ragged before the age of 30. and this is the real kicker!! it will never be enough. someone will always need something more from you. you can't count on anyone else to set your boundaries for you, so learn to say no, accept help & guidance when you need it, and focus more on what you want from your life. it will make you a happier person and a better partner.

this is cheating but i would also ask elaine if she could please watch a silly little movie called but i'm a cheerleader 🥰

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Engagement 101: The basics

Sp's resources for Content Creators Materialist

Not to beat a dead horse but this has been brewing in my brain for months and I can't hold it in any longer, considering there are now people here for Twitter I feel the need to reiterate what has been said a million times. Content creators need engagement if you want them to post on a regular basis.

A few points first.

Hearts are good but they mostly just let someone know you stopped by.

Comments are wonderful and can make someone day. They don't need to be long or make sense, I like a string on letters or emojis just as much as I like long comments. It's just that I will return to long comments when I'm feeling down about my writing or need some motivation.

Reblogs are what get people's work out there, if you're going to reblog, do it with tags. One or two is fine.

Here are some general guidelines, these are based on my own feelings but any writer/content creators that see this are welcome to add to it.

First and foremost, we are not robots that churn out content for you. Asking when something will be updated but not engaging otherwise is a good way to make someone like you don't value them. This is the same with requests, the bare minimum is a please and a thank you. Sending the character with a prompt or scenario and nothing else feels like a demand.

Spam liking is great but if someone goes through all my stuff and never says anything, it's kinda strange because I have no idea why you're here. Did you read it? Are you saving it?

Follow the rules of someone's prompt/request list. It feels pretty shitty when I put in the rules "you must comment and/or reblog", and the person uses the loophole of doing a blank reblog and nothing else. I shouldn't have to explain every single thing, it should be assumed that if I'm doing something for you, you let me know you liked it.

There is a difference between giving constructive feedback and just being an ass. @withmyteeth gave me some advice in a DM and @darklydeliciousdesires gave me some advice when she reblog the request I made for her, this greatly helped me, and I'm now going through and fixing my mistakes. If you want to give feedback, remember that most people do this do it for fun, and some of them have different brains from you. Don't ick someone's yum by being a dick about it.

Similarly, be nice. We are people and if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

Respect when someone says their requests are closed, most people make it pretty clear.

Don't steal shit, if fucking sucks and I've seen content creators leave because of theft.

Similarly, don't read or talk about anything on another platform without asking first. if I found out someone was reading my stuff on TikTok, I would have a heart attack.

This might be the most important one. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION AND YOUR TIME ONLINE, BLOCK PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE AND MOVE ON.

[jerzwriter]

PSA...

I have struggled with if I should share this or not. I changed my mind many times over the past 16 hours, but it will likely eat at me if I don't... and I want to get out of this headspace. Then, I want to go back to doing what I came here for. Because right now, I'm so disgusted. I truly want no part of this shit ever again.

Like most of you, I am here for a love of a story and characters and because I found joy in reading/writing and sharing with you. As time went on, I stayed because of a community found. We have some of the loveliest, kindest souls in this fandom. I've always said 1% of the fandom caused 99% percent of the problems.

Consider these lessons learned. Mistakes made. Things I've witnessed. Things I've had done to me, and some that I've done. Ramblings... a wish list I never expect to be realized. I do think you can enjoy your time here; because 90% of the time, I do. But to do so, you have had to tune out the noise, check your ego, use mirrors, and focus on the few people that make your time here magical. People who remember why we came here to begin with. For those people, I'm so grateful. You're half the reason I'm still here.

Anon hate is best deleted.

I'm going to share an interesting link later; not shocking...but shocking. It's best deleted. It took me a long time to learn that, but that's what I do now. It's what I did last night. But I have to ask... does everyone who sends nasty, hateful shit anonymously end with, "And people wonder why the fandom is dying?" YEAH! Because of YOU! lol Self-awareness is a good thing. It boggles my mind how people do horrible things (and sending anon hate is always a horrible thing) and somehow feel they're righteous. Babes, if you think you were treated unjustly, speak with your full face and let your voice be heard. Sorry, anon hate is ALWAYS childish, pathetic, and wrong.

Fandom Divison.

I think it is SO FUCKED UP. And the fact that the majority of us are grown-ass adults makes it 10 times worse, but after nearly 2 years here, I can say it's new, and I don't see it changing. I used to want to help fix it, but I no longer think it's worth the effort, and trying can honestly even make things worse. Too many are in love with the chaos. Too many people hate too many others for the most ridiculous reasons, it's not going to stop.

I'm well aware when I start an event, a good number of people won't participate solely because it's me running it. Hell, many people here won't share their bestie's profile if they're highlighted on a side blog Kathy & I run because Kathy & I run it. That's not a poor me moment, not only because I don't care but because I know I'm not alone. As wrong as it is, everyone deals with it.

I want you to read this because it's important:

I do not know one person on this hellsite that has started a fandom event that has NOT gotten at least some hate for it.

Read that again, just for trying to do something nice. It takes a thick skin to "survive," it shouldn't be this way in a place we come to have fun, but sadly, it does.

Some advice:

Everyone - and I mean everyone - me included... we're not mindreaders. If you are, stop wasting your time here and go profit off that shit. That anon you got? You are SO SURE you know who it is? You don't. I mean, you might be right... but with the way people play games here? There is a good chance you don't. I've done this shit myself. When I'm wrong, I say it, and I learn from it. And this is a lesson learned. Unless you're tracking that IP, baby, you don't know. And if you do start tracking IPs, fasten up... you're going to be in for some shocks... and not the good kind.

STOP the hypocrisy. You don't get to have a minor meltdown and put someone on the do not engage/enemy for life list because their cousin in a fandom 3 times removed is using a FC that you used once in 2017... and their cousin has no clue... then a month later defend your BFF when they do the same thing. If you slam someone because their MC got a cat, because your MC got a cat first (and clearly, you're the ONLY one in the fandom whose MC can have a cat <- sarcasm) don't get pissed when someone thinks you had your MC get married at Christmas just because they did it first. Maybe, in addition to stopping the hypocrisy, we should start giving others the benefit of the doubt? If we expect it, then maybe we should give it, too. Again, this applies to all... even me... so stop playing the fandom's favorite game of "I know who she's talking about." Trust. You don't.

Stop worrying about other people's HCs. None of our characters are real, but the people behind them are. Don't like their ideas? You don't have to. The world doesn't exist to please any of us. Please learn what fandom is. We're here to make canon our own. Don't like it? Don't read it. Don't like someone? Don't interact with them. But don't send them hate. Don't tell others they can't befriend them. Just ... be an adult.

If you want to read someone, read them. Want to reblog? Do it. Afraid someone will be pissed about it? Fuck them, and you really may want to consider if you want them in your orbit if they are putting this pressure on you. For the record, I will never give a shit about who anyone reads or doesn't read... this wasn't a life lesson... this is one I've always known, and can't believe we're so petty about here.

Lose the goddamn victim complexes... and to those who are dealing with people with victim complexes... watch closely. That shit's not normal. And don't waste your precious time trying to convince people of who you are. Be genuine. Be direct (god, we need more of that here), and be yourself. Everyone won't like you, and that's ok because the ones who should be around you will.

I wrote this to get it off my chest. I'll probably delete it later. I don't want comments. I set it so it can't be reblogged. If people want to share it... TRUST this fandom knows how to screenshot VERY well. I'll make them work for it.

I'm just so sick and fucking tired of the nonsense here... aren't you?

[leggyre]

You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

[oifaaa]

Hi! I love your art and you say you're bad anatomy but I've never noticed. Whenever I see art in general my reaction is Ah, so cool! After looking at it awhile I MIGHT notice something off and my reaction to that is not "You messed up!" It's "Well that's not a big deal" and it reminds me to apply that to my own art. My aunt sometimes gives unsolicited advice on how to "fix" something when I'm just trying to show her something cool I'm working on Or HAVE ALREADY FINISHED. And she doesn't draw 😒

I just don't think I care enough to make good art to give a shit if my anatomy is off I'd rather have fun when I draw then focus on character poses of where knees should go people just like giving out opinions on stuff even when no one asked it makes them feel good about themselves that they are able to spot the mistakes in others works like a child when they find waldo not realising that unless the person asked for your opinion maybe just don't give it its that very basic saying you teach to kids if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all

[flingza-roller]

Hi hi wow your cosplay looks so cool, do you have any tips or advice on making a splatoon cosplay? And happy birthday for last week, that pinata video lives in my head rent free

OUGH THANK U!! it makes me rly happy that so many people like my cosplay.... i appreciate all the stuff yall have said so much!

gonna put this under the cut cuz i typed a lot lmao

if u can find patterns online to use they will be ur best friend, winging it CAN work but. not always DSGKJ

so there would be a lot to cover but im just gonna gonna start with the tentacles- mine are made from minky but i know ppl who've used like, a more vinyl-ish material? do NOT fucking use satin, i made that mistake with my original agent 3 cosplay and i nearly smashed my sewing machine out of pure rage. satin + minky is SO slippery and no matter what u do the pattern will just, Fuck Up. its why the tentacles were shaped so weirdly :/ so this time i stuck to ONLY minky and the result was way better. i had a friend help with hand sewing em and it meant more control over how the shape turns out so it was way better than my first attempt. (i then used plushie stuffing to give em shape and it makes em sooo fucking squishy n soft)

I FORGOT TO MENTION. the tentacles are safety pinned to the inside of the hat for stability, im not wearing a wig or anything.

eye mask? use eyeliner or body paint! ive done both and they both work well, id recommend using a setting spray tho. and if ur gonna wear contacts like i did, ALWAYS put contacts in before any makeup. this avoids the risk of getting shit in ur eye while putting em in (also my eyes always water a fucktonne lmao) oh and if u use a blind contact, be prepared to have fucky vision whenever ur in cosplay. agent 3 cosplayers stay suffering 💔

if ur gonna hand sew anything, definitely try to use proper techniques. luckily my gf is very good at that kinda stuff and they helped me through sewing the poncho/cape/idk fuckin old rags, i used a whip stitch so the threading isnt visible (im thinking of modifying it to add big thick cosmetic stitches so it looks more game-accurate, same with the patch on the hat)

craft stores are ur best friend for supplies! if ur australian, i highly recommend spotlight and lincraft for pretty much everything. spotlight usually has the most variety in fabric, but i always need to order my minky online. if ur not an aussie, prolly just google which places to go to DSGJ idk what yall have.

but heres my number 1 tip for cosplay- HAVE FUN! i know this sounds cliche but seriously. i sometimes to caught up in my head over little things, like "this isnt game accurate enough" "the colours are off" "people are gonna notice (X)" but cosplay is supposed to be fun, silly, crafting experience, a hobby, but most of all ur just dressing up as a fictional character and what could possibly be dorkier than that? feel free to do things differently, u never need to adhere to canon (i literally did the hijack scar AND i have a face full of metal), being accurate is NOT the most important thing, and of course- body type, gender, skin colour, NONE of these things should stop u from doing whatever the hell u want. the naysayers can go fuck themselves <3

and if u dont have the budget to buy good supplies, theres nothing wrong with a closet cosplay! work with whatever ya got!

imma finish here but if theres a specific cosplay thing u wanna know more about please ask and ill help as much as i can :]

[awkwardosthe3rd]

Your art is really really beautiful, you have such a solid understanding of characters and anatomy and I really hope to get to where you are one day. It looks like you might’ve gone to school for art (if not, then holy shit /pos), but do you have any favourite tips, techniques, or tools you’d be willing to share? I’ve been doing digital art for years as a hobby but I never really feel confident in what I’m doing lol

I have never gone to art school, no. :0 It's tough for me to give advice since I have mostly just been scrambling through different art galleries and going "Oh I like that!" and adding it to my style/trying to figure out how people made it work. I would not be able to tell you exactly what it was that ended up helping me out, but I nonetheless will try! My biggest advice would honestly be to surround yourself with artists, friends, etc., and remind yourself that you are allowed to ask for feedback & constructive criticism if you feel like what you are doing is off but you cannot quite pinpoint why. Getting a second opinion can be a great way of improving on mistakes you didn't even realize you were making yet! I would highly recommend joining art serves or reaching out to friends just to check if they could look over your work with you. The advice may not always be what you were looking for, but it could be what you needed at the moment.

Otherwise, I would highly recommend making an active effort to consume artistic media, like a huge variety - books, and social media... take your time to figure out what exactly it is that you would like to be able to do and ask yourself how you think you would like to get there.

Studying photography and always keeping references at hand to study is a good way of exercising a habit when it comes to the shapes you draw.

Just don't pressure yourself into learning everything at once - even today I have to go "Oh I wanna learn to draw this big thing - but I cannot even draw this very small aspect of it... maybe I should make a study out of each singular aspect." Like I think 3 years ago when getting into DnD I just had to remind myself that I have only ever felt comfortable drawing animals and wanted to move past that, with more consistently humanoid characters... and although my results often felt off and are still not perfect today, keeping to it ended up paying off. 3 years in it's been a blast getting to compare old sketches to recent ones and even just sitting down to redraw an old piece.