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#( this actually makes me feel better / less anxious )
solar-sunnyside-up · 3 days
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Hey, I’m sorry to dump this on ya but your blog gives me a lotta hope and I just wondered if you had anything to say to my current ails- I am but a very anxious teen and I am so scared. I see so many people talking of how the world “Will end in 2040” or how “damn the past was so much better because it was simpler” and I am lowkey starting to believe that. I’ve got a problem with romanticizing a past I wasn’t even a part of and I really don’t want to live in some awful dystopian future and I fear I’ve missed out on so much because of when I was born :( and how come no one can afford basic shit anymore? I don’t wanna have no money at all! I really would like to be happy in the future but with all the bullshit caused by social media and the lack of money it seems bleak. I’m sorry that this is such a negative ask but I am not doing so hot and was hoping you’d have an insight ? Don’t respond if you don’t wanna
Hey ya there sprout 🌱 it can be really tough out there!
Your feelings are valid, so valid in fact that those exact feelings are why Solarpunk as it currently exists is around! We've all been there!
Between the wages of the top 10% of ppl vs everyone else being greater then during the French revolution, the average citizen globally being worse off then when the great depression was happening, climate crisis after crisis, all while consuming endless bits of info both horrifying (ex Politics) and hopeful (ex Social Media activism) it's waaaay too much for anyone to bare alone! Much less constantly! That burden shouldn't be on any of us!! But since it is, I'm here to help at least lighten the load even if temporary.
The best thing to do when we feel like this is to stop. Find 5 minutes to be still. We are fight/flight/fawn creatures and we will only loop in our solutions without actual clear choices if we don't Chill Out. We're mammals our natural state is Chilling Out and Play.
Next, think about how cool the planet is and particularly how cool humans are?
How there's finger flutes on ceilings thousands of years old, smaller then average indicating that parents held their children up to draw on the ceilings.
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Think about the invention of looms and spinning fibers! What other creature could do that? Think about the kids that could build Snowmans without aching fingers because of lovingly knit mittens.
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We sing like whales do, like birds do, like wolves do, and we do it to share stories and ideas over food! It is the first things babies mimic! We have songs so old we no longer know their origin just that they came from love! We even have songs to herd cattle meaning music transcends just us but bleeds into our relationships with the planet!
That we have play behavior! Just like wolves and foxes and whales and octopus it is so built into our DNA to play its generally how we learn things! This ranges from agriculture (children tossing seeds around, blowing on dandelions!) To chores (parachute games > folding laundry, playing pretend > usually chores/job based) to hunting (tag! Hide and seek!)
Think about our interconnectiveness with the planet too, how we are guided by Honey guides to find abandoned hives to share in the spoils of bread and honey. How Sweetgrass needs us to flourish, how berries and nuts need us to spread across the land, how we fix other animals broken bones and beaks and help them return home when otherwise they wouldn't ever get home.
Now that you can remember we deserve to be here, that you deserve to be here. We can look at the current situation and bare it.
And we do that by doing small things. Jam out and listen to music while picking up litter on your block, go to a library and just hang out or research something you love, make seed Bombs and toss them I to abandoned lots, make silly cartoons. Whatever it is, it will be enough.
The weight of the world isn't ment for the individual no matter how much Capitalism and Elites will try and guilt you over their failures. That weight is ment for collective groups, but your job as a Person is to be happy where you can and to be kind so others can be happy. The last thing that I always keep in my heart is a quote from my fave author Ursula Le Guin:
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Hang in there, a brighter tomorrow is gunna happen. I promise 🌻
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possamble · 5 months
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Girl help me I fell in love with a fanfic from someone fully employed and the chapters are too long betwix
Man me too wtf 🥲
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many-gay-magpies · 3 months
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anxiety oh anxiety. why have you come back to me
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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gaytobymeres · 10 months
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if my parents dont suspect im dating someone at this point then idk when they will
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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guys i've been improving a lot lately i'm happy w myself
#🌙.rambles#I MADE A NEW FRIEND TODAY FR BCS I GOT OVER MY ANXIETY. LIKE FUCK THAT YK 😭😭 no regrets !!!!#i've been. hesitating less lately. just yk being more comfortable being myself fr#i'm.. really happy i've managed to find more peace in that aspect#n i haven't been like. writing as much as i used to. like uh. pushing myself too much to write in order to remember like#in my spotify playlists yk making them organized n i used to be very consistent w writing a lil thing for this playlist i make each day#it's nice but it ended up stressing me for a while. but now i'm so much better. so much kinder to myself#n then w things i haven't done yet.. no i know for sure i'll do them one day.#i've been pushing myself a bit more lately but now not in a stressful way. like yk in a good way like i'm not settling when i know i can#do more n i can manage it n i know i'll be kind to myself while i'm doing it n regardless of the outcome yk?#guys sorry to that new friend i made tho i cannot text ppl like during convos.#LIKE NO WAIT I CAN BUT I LIKE TO THINK A LOT BEFORE I DO INTERACT W OTHERS YK T_T#WHICH IS WHY I GET SO ANXIOUS TYPICALLY WHEN OTHERWISE..#guys i want to bring back writing letters to each other so badly like i want to. to my future lover can we pls send letters to each other#OR EVEN TO MY FRIENDS BCS LETTERS R JUST SO CUTE YK !!!! A WHOLE LOVE LANGUAGE FOR ME 🥺#like you can start w smth cute like yk 'dear __' orrr hmm yk decorating the letter hehe n then#writing things w handwriting is so cute ! so personal so sweet ARGHHH#the way i used to like message one of my twt/tumblr friends was often by sending like long messages n thennnn#tumblr asks c: i feel so at home w them yk#i write. long. n GOD IF I WERE TO WRITE LIKE YK ACTUAL LETTERS.. I WANT TO MAKE THEM LIKE#YK THOSE LETTERS THAT THOSE OLD WRITERS USED TO SEND !!!! THEY'RE SO LOVELY#hang on i have smth due in like less than an hour n i'm nearly done just one more simple thing but i got distracted help#DUDEEEE LOOKED AT MY NOTIFS AGAIN N I CAN READ SOME OF THEIR MESSAGES BUT I CAN'T SEE THE PIC ????#okay this means a lot to them bcs it seems me n apollo r genuinely the first ppl they've met that#are fellow enthusiasts of yk smth personal for majority of their life. GODDAMN#I RELATE W THAT 😭😭 n then i don't mean this in an arrogant or idk egotistical but it seems. me n apollo have been like#special ppl in other's lives..? idk i don't want that to come off the wrong way but.. yeah 🥺#DUDE I CANT SEE THE PIC YOU SENT AFTER 'DUDE READING ALL YOUR MESSAGES GOT ME LIKE' IN MY NOTIFS N IT'S#DRIVING ME INSANE BCS I HATE INSTAGRAM SO MUCH N HOW IT SHOWS IF YOU'VE SEEN MESSAGES 💀#hi hello this is me in live action n why making new friends is hard for me :^) I GTG NOW BUT AAAAAAAA I'M PROUD OF MYSELF
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omegapheromone · 3 months
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Mm so I think that I would like to go back to Cyprus for another vacation right about now. I know I JUST was there but what I mean is that. I need more sun and ocean actually.
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skyjynxart · 5 months
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#hmmmm#vent cw#dont read this#no seriously i warned you im being a whiney piece of shit#I should probably be worried about the 3-day long panic attack ive had going on#the physical symptoms really are rhe works- the swimming vision the dizziness the tight chest feeling that is uniquely 'anxiety'#and then you add the inability to think for more than like 5 minutes about any given topic#the stress to the point of wanting to cry when things go slightly wrong#but ironically i cant seem to summon any actual anxiety about the anxiety#juat a blank numbness there#really do need it to stop tho as i think its destroying what little appeal as a human i had left at this point#and its seriously hampering my ability to get work done#which i absolutely need to be doing bc if i dont finish my work i cant take on more work#and if i dont take on more work i will officially no longer be paying my bills next month#'sky this seems like talk for a therapist not hidden tags on the tumblr dash' yeah I dont think sitting on this for a month will work#'talk to a friend about it then' hahaha no at least here anyone who reads this fuckin chose to#putting up with me normally is a big ask putting up with me when im needy & anxious & breaking down bc its Too Fucking Much?#lmfao hell no i like my friendship INTACT thanks#a bitch is not about to be a drain on emotional resources when said bitch cannot contribute fuckall of value thats how you make it all worse#and then a month later the therapist cancels so i just keep adding tags to this post bc no one will read them#but i feel like im “talking to someone”#the panic attacks stopped but i have no idea why#i mean im still feeling unusually heightened anxiety 24/7 but its not causing physical symptoms#not like it was anyway#and at least now being anxious makes sense#its a bunch of small to medium shit id probably feel better about if i talked more#but the less i talk and just observe people from a distance unseen the happier people i care about seem so#im literally a fifth wheel so the least i can do is not squeak and alert others to my presence#i really need to get better at art and get faster at working so i can have SOMETHING to offer#oh wow theres a tag limit apparently guess i have to find a new method bc making a new post is begging for attention & I don't wanna do that
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 5 months
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1327-1 · 7 months
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my hard launch to get medicated immediately thwarted by healthcare professional who believes i am there to inconvenience them
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capyclub · 1 year
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wahoo!!!
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mrfoox · 1 year
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My motherly instincts are strong and make me go absolutely stupid at times
#miranda talking shit#If i didnt care about how others felt etc i would be clingy and hugging everyone i loved and shit but i#Am too anxious. So instead im like... Do you want a drink? An popsicle? I got candy. Do you want a fruit? Im bringing you a cookie#And it makes me so happy when i can do that. Im giving out juiceboxes to people working assisting me#Magnus is so hard to make accept things he always sounds like hes held by gun point#Meanwhile oliver is like 'yeah. I want that' 95% of the time and it makes me sososo happy#I never thought i was much of an acts of service type of person ... Bc i feel like i am not since my limited energy keeps me from doing#Much for myself even. But then im out there feeding my friends and paying for their food/items when we are out shopping#All my friends make me go stupid at small times but oliver is my top one.#Bc of his past and basically how he is . An sad/deppressed little guy with attachment issues and im therr like 🥺#Hi... Hi there... Im bringing you a snack... He the biggest one that makes my instincts go off and at times i catch myself like... Miranda#Thats mom Miranda speaking. Please take a step back from the little man...#Id never tell him bc i know that would terrifie him but like man...#Im not saying i want a gf or bf that i can be a mom to... But emotionally ... A bit actually yes#Id never be able to be a good full mom bc i cant do like 70% of super moms do for their families#But emotionally i want to care for people i love like... Come let me sooth you. Let me hold you. Let me cheer you up. Let me cheer you on#Im proud of you and i see how hard youre working sweetie i love you#Anyway yeah. If i didnt have better self control id have 70% less friends bc i always have to hold myself back physically
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astrxealis · 2 years
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OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM. very happy. my speech i had to give that i crammed on bcs i was really anxious about even just thinking it and i had to deliver it memorized and in front of the whole class for the first time in years? i only got. minus 1.25
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i was really anxious uhh even like. now. a whole month after? egeshbgjh like damn what if i get a bunch of mistakes#but nah apparently i did really well !! proud of myself oh my god#i'm much better at speaking than i probably seem often irl. i'm just shy and anxious and need a proper environment#me at home i can talk with an incredibly loud voice for hours. unfortunately lune knows this very well LMFAO#my dad also has a loud voice but sometimes i even speak louder than him. so. yeah. really loud voice#i'm good at speaking aaa idk i keep putting myself down sometimes even if i am confident and i know what i can do!#anyways i also think i am more. less confused on course choices :] i want bs psych fr aaa i want to help people a lot in that regard#i'm going to look up more on it tho! compsci i'm good actually as a 2nd choice. i'm more feeling > thinking but i am a huge thinker lol#hashtag i love math LMFAO i just haven't been putting in as much effort but i do believe in myself! so. yeah#miss ty for the comments LOL i agree a lot. too much unnecessary movements. i always speak like that eee oops#i have my next speech uhh... next tues actually! also really anxious and stressed but less so. i'll just need to work on it asap and prepar#.75 minus for delivery makes sense! uhh .5 minus on content. i think i get it but i'll just keep it in mind as i make my next script#tbh i get so anxious too reciting during class but i have a lot to say usually and the teacher often says exactly the same idea or aka#i'm correct. so. raghhhhh i will recite more !!! almost end of the sy but it's never too late to improve. even if i recite wrong its still#added to my grades. so yeah. anyway uhh !! idk i love speaking a lot actually lol i'll try my best to be diligent productive etc#raghh i will do my best ... i am very smart ive just been slacking a bit since the pandemic bcs constant state of Tired. + anxiety#okay i don't really get the minus on content uhh is it bcs i didn't really have sources LMFAO it was a personal speech anyway but#im good at writing and good at speaking i will just do my best and uh. goodbye. not cramming#I ALSO EXERCISED TODAY. like. yeah. i should exercise a lot daily. also i did finger exercises hashtag guitarist era <3#my fingers and hands are already very flexible lol i'm double-jointed and always played w my hands even now! but i forgor warmups existed#the amount of mistakes i got for my speech really make sense lol i should really prepare more in advance! procrastination is my enemy
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marcsburnerphone · 8 months
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And they were roommates
(Captain John price x F!reader)
Summary: that captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.
Warnings: none yet
Part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4
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“John Price, military captain, heavily decorated, and unmarried.” you read off of a printed sheet of paper. He’s the third person you’ve seen today that wants to rent the room available. You were praying this one would be a success. You weren’t looking to house the married couples or the rowdy in love teenagers you’d seen earlier on today.
“Yes ma’am that is me.” He says looking down at you, not metaphorically but physically he’s inches above you. You’re far younger than he imagined, beautiful and so awfully well spoken that he’d assumed you’d be either his age or older.
“If this is your job and you’re not married and don't have kids I’m sure you get paid well. Why do you need a roommate?” You say hoping you don’t sound rude but with a job like that this man could afford much better.
“I’m not home much and basically live on base but for the times I do briefly return home id like it to be in a place like your home, beautiful, deserted, quiet.” The last few places he stayed in were apartments and he wanted to settle into something he actually cared to return to, not just someplace that could hold some belongings.
“Well then Mr.Price let me show you the rooms and house, follow me.” You lead him into your home through the halls and the living room simply showing him around making small talk about your job and hobbies.
“If you don’t mind me asking why is it you need a roommate?” He later returns the question, you halt in your tracks and stand still for a second making John hope he hadn’t overstepped.
“I was in a long term relationship that ended two years ago and when we broke up he left me the house or I technically demanded I keep it and um bills have been hard to keep up with.” You Look him in the eyes and smile softly, relieving him of the anxious feeling he’s holding.
“Sorry for asking.” He sincerely apologizes.
“Don’t worry about it, I think it's better you did because this will lead us to the next thing.” You reassure him and continue walking through a pair of French doors.
“This will be your office, I’m sorry about the boxes, they're a little too heavy for me to carry through this house and throw away.” You point to a fair amount of them pushed into a corner.
“No, don't worry about it, I'll get them out.” He replies kindly.
“And then right through here would be your bedroom.” It's exactly to the right of his office, a huge room which must be the master. He wonders if this had been the room you shared with your ex and by the look that covers your gorgeous features, he’s right.
“It has its own bathroom and a walk-in closet. If you want to live here, I’d like the home to be treated as if we both own it, not like you just rent a room, especially for the price.” You explain and truly that is your hope. He’s the perfect tenant and on his submission form he’s looking for a long term place which would mean less worry about the future bills on your behalf.
“When can I start moving in?” He turns to look in your hopeful eyes.
“Immediately if you want it of course.” You say with excitement. The mortgage payments have been a burden and this was a huge relief.
“Is it okay if I have some of my mates help me take these boxes out?” You nod enthusiastically with a quiet
‘of course’.
“I'll be back here early in the morning, Thankyou for inviting me into your home.” He says turning to make way back down the path you took to the room.
“Thankyou Mr.Price.” You offer your hand as a settlement.
“Call me John please.” He shakes it politely.
“I'll see you tomorrow john.” You say walking him to the door and bidding him a goodbye.
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“Be honest captain, is she cute?” John had the unfortunate situation of having to haul soap with him in his car while the two other men drove the moving truck that he only rented to get rid of the boxes you had.
“She’s nearly a decade younger than me.” He answers hoping that’ll lay it to rest.
‘That doesn’t answer my question.” Soap never chooses peace.
“Yeah she’s stunning.” And really you were.
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“Hi good morning, come in.” You say opening the door letting the cold air sweep into your warm home. Eyeing the huge men that stood in the doorway.
“Good morning this is soap, gaz, and that's ghost if you couldn’t tell. This is my task force and certainly my best mates.” John replies quickly giving them an introduction.
“Nice to meet you all.” You say trying your hardest to not sound intimidated.
“And you as well, gorgeous.” Soap says gripping your small hand in his own.
“He’s a flirt, don't worry about him.” Gaz says, shaking your hand next.
“Nice to meet you.” Ghost offers you his gloved hand giving you the softest handshake he thinks he’s ever given in his life.
“Well you boys can get too it there is pastries on the counter and drinks in the fridge if you need anything i'll be in my room that’s down this hall.” You say smiling at all of them then reaching into the pocket on your paint stained overalls fishing out a pair of keys.
“Oh and before I can forget John these are yours, this one is too your office and bedroom door and this one is too the house door.” You say handing them over on the pink keychain you’ve kept them on all this time.
“Thank you.” He says before you walk away.
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“That little lady does not know how to pack these. They are insanely heavy, how'd she ever expect to get them out.” Soap says picking up a box from the office room that’s filled with papers.
“I don’t think that was her main concern.” John says as he also picks one up walking them outside and into the U-Haul he rented.
“She’s a true stunner though, how will John Price be able to resist?” He teases his captain.
“I’m with soap on that one.” Ghost surprisingly grumbles throwing a box down on the gravel.
“Should’ve seen the way she was looking at you captain.” Gaz enters this pointless conversation out of breath gently setting down more boxes.
“I actually think you're the only one here whose age is appropriate for her gaz.” Gaz makes a sound of disagreement.
“Captain 8 years isn’t what you’re making it seem, don't you remember when soap had a girlfriend like 13 years older than him.” The memory flashes through all their minds and ghost has to keep himself from giggling.
“And don’t you remember how it ended.” It was ugly, soap found that when time passes people get older and being 37 with a 50 year old wasn’t what he thought it’d be.
“All I’m saying is I think some romance with a pretty lady like that could do you some good. I mean your living in a home together tension will get to you at some point.” John rolls his shoulders back and sighs.
“Shut up and get back to work, all of you.” The captain says demanding as they all hurry back inside.
But what if?
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“Wow, I don't know when’s the last time I've seen these rooms empty.” You say walking into the office.
“Was it all his?” John says giving you a one up at the change in clothes. You're wearing your pajamas which consist of shorts and a big shirt.
“Yeah it was, when will you be bringing in your own stuff?” You reply quickly changing the topic.
“I actually have all my stuff in my truck, only three boxes, I’m not a man of many possessions.” He laughs Gruffly swiping a hand over his mouth.
“I have clean sheets in my closet if you’ll be needing some.” You offer politely.
“Please.” He says and you nod, turning to go get them.
“I’ll just be bringing in the rest of my belongings.” He says walking down the opposite end of the hallway.
He brings the boxes in one by one, setting them in the office not paying mind to where you could have gone till he brings the last one in and hears you humming in the bedroom putting what were to be his pillows inside pillow cases.
“Oh love you didn’t have too. I've been making my own bed on base for longer than my memory goes back.” His deep voice slightly startles you.
“Sorry, it's just a habit.” You apologize softly and he wonders if it came off the wrong way.
“No, Thankyou is what I really mean.” He says slightly smiling at the floral print sheets that now adorn his bed.
“Sorry these are actually the least feminine looking ones I have.” You smile realizing how silly it looks for a man as manly as the one who stands before you to have blue and pink flower sheets.
“No worries love.” He nods to you.
“Well I'll see you in the morning, goodnight.” You say giving him a small pat on the shoulder and leaving to what he could only assume to be your bedroom.
He got changed for the night, ready to settle into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillows the scent of lavender and a perfume that had to solely be you was invading his senses. Something so feminine and warm and good, god was it good. He turned his head slightly more into the pillow taking a deep breath in and out enjoying it. The more he focused on it the easier the sleep had come and before he knew it he was sleeping like a bear in hibernation.
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I’m ready for a new story.
Comments and reposts and greatly appreciated<3
If anyone has thoughts or ideas on how this should go please send them in.
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rememberwren · 11 days
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/•Harmless Fun 8•\
Former and further chapters here.
You (fem!reader) and Johnny and Simon watch a movie. CW: Fingering, handjobs, cum-eating. For @/laughroditee.
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Sharing a bathroom with Johnny and Simon turns out to be a lot more invasive than you expected. 
It's not actually the bathroom that’s the invasive part. That is no more invasive than sharing any public space, really. You’re a little more secretive with your tampons, and they’re likely a little more stringent in their efforts to clean up after themselves. Even-Steven and all that. You’re all very careful to never even so much as knock when the door is closed, lest you disturb the person within. 
The worst part is that the bathroom can only be accessed through your bedroom. 
You had envisioned (somehow, sillily) that they would only need the bathroom during daylight hours, and likely when you weren’t home. You trusted them not to go through your belongings, but it felt so personal for Johnny to knock on your door and ask to piss when you’re dressed in your skimpy relaxing clothes (the ones you don’t even subject the rest of the apartment to). 
It felt even more personal to wake up in the night to the water running and catch Simon coming out of the bathroom twenty minutes later with dripping hair in nothing but one of his compression t-shirts and boxer-briefs. The two of you freeze at the sight of the other. He jerks a thumb toward the shower, like that explains everything. You hold up a sleepy thumbs-up, though you’re decidedly less sleepy than you were twenty minutes before you were given a front row seat to just how thick Simon’s thighs are. 
Laying in bed, smelling the steam and scent of Simon’s body wash waft gently from the bathroom, if you roll over onto your belly and slip a hand down your panties, nobody ever has to know. 
Except that’s a problem too. Your time for dedicated masturbating (not the frantic, haphazard rubbing-one-out that you’ve taken to since the other bathroom flooded) has decreased dramatically. Before, you would have felt no guilt locking the door and taking care of your own needs—but now just beyond your door was an intrinsic piece of the apartment. You couldn’t just lock your roommates out and tell Johnny or Simon to come back later. You had to be accessible.  It was a nightmare. 
Johnny was the opposite of a help. He was happy to let you rub against his cock (and more than once you’d come to one of those superficial, limb-tingling orgasms) but he was masterful at distracting you from asking for more. 
It led to some stressful days. 
Today was a bad pain day for Johnny, which had turned him sullen and taciturn. He spent most of the day stationed on the couch (finding every excuse to avoid standing up) and in charge of the remote control. It didn’t help that repairs were being done to the bathroom today, with strangers filtering in and out of the apartment. Simon hadn’t been able to go out on a single run, and you could tell that he was drawn tense as a bowstring. 
You made it a personal mission to remain in your bedroom during the repairs, anxious at the strange men in the apartment and the tense feelings tangible in the air. 
By the time dinner rolls around and the repair people are gone, you are eager to be outside of your own four walls. You can’t help craving Johnny and Simon’s company—or any company really, after an entire day spent listening to drills and hammering, feeling trapped thanks to your own social anxiety. Simon helps Johnny to the balcony and lets him smoke, the tension in his shoulders melting away some. By the time dinner rolls around, Johnny is in a better mood, and starving. 
All three of you eat at the sofa instead of the table, brushing elbows and thighs and trying not to make messes of yourselves. A cool breeze comes in with the evening, and Simon stands to shut the balcony doors. 
“Sit with me?” Johnny asks, spreading his thighs. 
You frown. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 
“Then be gentle to me, aye?” 
You sit with your back against his chest, his arms looped around you. “Jesus, yer freezing.” 
“You’re warm,” you murmur, pressing yourself more firmly against him, careful not to jostle his bad thigh. Simon takes a seat at the other end of the couch and you meet his eye accidentally—but he doesn’t look angry. There’s something surprisingly tender and fond in his gaze. He overhears your conversation and drags the duvet off the back of the couch, laying it over you both. Immediately you are swathed in warmth, melting deeper against Johnny. You loop your arms through his, keeping them wrapped securely around you. 
The three of you get sucked into a movie on the television—some of you more than others. 
It’s hard for you to focus on anything besides Johnny and the ache between your legs. Being so close to him has awoken it, stoked it from embers into a deep burn. It doesn’t help when one of his hands drifts down to grip your thigh softly, thumb stroking dangerously high on the inseam of your leggings. 
Your thighs inch open a little, hoping you can pass it off as just getting comfortable, but Johnny seems to take no notice at all, his eyes glued to the television screen. Sometimes he makes a comment to Simon about the plot, and the other man will hum in agreement. 
His other hand gets restless and slips beneath the hem of your t-shirt to rest against your belly, calloused fingertips trailing softly over smooth skin. Something must give you away—a sound or a movement—because his lips brush your ear as he whispers: “Okay?” 
You nod, not trusting your voice. You’re okay. You’re dying, but it’s fine. His thumb finds the crease of your pelvis and traces along it. You’re so sticky between your thighs that you’re sure you could hear it if you shifted too much. Something about his distracted touches make you feel combustible, like C4 in his hands. 
Johnny’s hand on your belly drifts up—you catch it with your hand. 
“‘M not wearing a bra,” you mutter. 
He snorts softly, breath ruffling your hair. “Trust me. I know,” he says. Then his thumb brushes the full softness of your breast. “Been thinking about it all night.”
“Do you two mind?” Simon says dryly, popping the soap bubble of arousal that Johnny had created around you both. You tense, shame in your belly. How horny did you have to be to be willing to let Johnny touch you on the same couch Simon was sitting on?  
“Sorry,” you mutter. 
Johnny nails him with a throw pillow in the chest, asking: “Do you mind?” 
Simon’s head turns away from the telly, the pillow resting innocuously in his lap. He’s got the darkest eyes you’ve ever seen, nearly black in the dim light. The television lights up the edge of him, throwing his features into sharp, harsh light. 
“No,” he says at length. “Play wherever you want.”
The three of you turn back toward the movie, not a single set of eyes truly watching it. With Simon’s explicit permission, Johnny’s hand comes up to cup your breast softly, thumb stroking over your puckered nipple. A sound slips from your throat—you can’t help it. 
“Pent up?” Johnny asks. You can hear the grin in his voice. 
“Be nice to me,” you mumble. 
Simon snorts softly at the other end of the sofa. Then Johnny pinches your nipple gently between his thumb and forefinger, and the pleasant ache goes straight to your clit. 
“Fuck,” you sigh. 
“Like it?” he asks. 
You nod. 
“Want more?” Your head nearly disconnects with the force of your nod. If he doesn’t touch you, you might go mad. Merciless, Johnny says: “Ask for it, and I’ll give it to you.”
You swallow, mouth dry. “Johnny…”
He hums. 
You turn your head a little, til you can see him out of the periphery of your vision. It’s on the tip of your tongue to ask for him to touch you, to kiss you maybe. But instead something more honest comes: “Johnny—do whatever you want to me.” 
 Johnny groans, burying his face in your hair. “You hearin’ her, LT?” 
“I hear.”
“Sweet as can fuckin’ be,” Johnny says, pressing the words to the soft skin beneath your ear. “Stay that sweet, no matter what I do, aye? Now watch the movie.”
You turn your eyes back to the television. It’s just a conglomeration of color and shapes that your eyes follow, but your brain doesn’t register a lick of what’s happening. All you can think about are Johnny’s hands, the way they cup your breasts. He touches you like you’re something precious, something friable and likely to come undone if he presses too firmly. He hums, a pleased little sound in the back of his throat and rolls your nipples between his fingers. 
Your thoughts leak out of your ears the longer that he toys with your body. It’s hard to sit still with how bad you need something in your pussy—you’re so turned on that it hurts. Against your back you can feel the solid line of his erection and you wish that you were in a position to get your hands on him, to map the shape of him beneath his sweatpants. 
When your mouth is dry from panting, your hands aching from the way your nails have bitten into your palms, Johnny finally smooths a hand down your tummy and cups your pussy over your leggings., your cunt a match for the burning heat of his palm. 
“Stop me if you don’t want it,” he says, coming to slip his fingertips beneath the waistband of your panties. 
“I want it—Johnny please—“ 
Simon shifts on the couch beside you both, and it draws your eyes to him, your face burning hot. He isn’t even looking at you, is instead staring at the television with a bored expression. At your movement, his eyes flicker to meet your own, and his mouth quirks at the edge. Against your will, your eyes shift down to where his cock would be visible— 
His knuckles are pale where he clenches a hold of the throw pillow in his lap. He flexes his fingers when he catches you looking, working the circulation back into them, but it’s too late to hide. Simon isn’t unaffected by this—you’d swear that he was turned on too, and the thought makes the last little whisper in your head (the one that says this is nogoodbadwrong) quiet. 
Johnny slips his hand into your underwear and finds you soaked, the fabric sodden where it drags along the back of his fingers. His cock twitches against your back. 
“Fuck, y’re wet,” he groans. “Just from having your tits played with?”
“It counts as foreplay for a reason.”
Johnny laughs, breath brushing your temple. His fingers sink into your folds before you can say anything else, stroking deep along the length of your sex which is so tender it feels like a blissful bruise. Your hips jerk upward into the touch, and his fingertips nearly slip inside you. Instead he tempers his movements, careful to follow along with the motion of your hips to keep from giving you any more stimulation than he’s ready to.
“Easy,” he breathes. “Relax—just let me play with you.”
I’ve had enough playing, you think to yourself, eyes rolling. But you work to loosen your death grip on the blankets around you, work to relax your hips until they rest back against Johnny’s cock again. 
He plays with you like this: the lightest brush of his fingertips along your vulva, spreading your wetness all over you. Sometimes his thumb will find your clit and stroke over it, but more often than not he avoids it altogether, content to play with the rest of your pussy, to coax more slick from it until his every touch is audible over the sound of the television. 
Simon must surely hear it. The thought makes you clench around nothing, an unhappy sound rising up in the back of your throat. 
Eventually, something happens to you—something breaks in you, maybe. You go soft and pliant against him, your hips still even when he slips two fingers inside you easy as anything, stroking along your walls as best as he can from this angle. Your noises are louder, too, like the muffler dampening them has rusted and worn away. When he sinks inside you, you let out a groan that has Johnny laughing softly against you. 
“Oh, she’s hungry, isn’t she? You’ve been starvin’ her, haven’t you?” 
He’s talking about your pussy. Jesus. 
“Haven’t,” you pant. “Not on purpose, I—“ 
Johnny just hushes you softly. “It’s alright. Bet you need it so bad, it hurts, don’t you?” 
You nod against his chest, tears filling your eyes, this foggy headspace amplifying your own emotions like an echo chamber. 
“I’ll make it all better,” Johnny promises. He slips his fingers free from you and drags the burning, wet warmth of them up over your clit. 
Just a few firm circles, and you’re climbing that peak, the cord in your belly drawn tighter and tighter until it snaps and sends you free falling, your back arching against Johnny’s chest. Frantic, you reach down and grip his wrist, urging his fingers lower until they slip back inside you, filling you up just right as you clench and spasm around them. The meaty part of his palm rubs against your clit and it’s enough to make you cum again before you’ve properly finished the first time, a choked gasp born and dying in your mouth as he fucks you through it with his fingers. 
Your body goes limp against him. This, this is what you needed.
Awareness filters back, your fingers cramping with the strength you use to grip Johnny’s wrist. You let him go, muttering a sorry. You admit: “It feels better to cum when there’s something inside me.” 
“I’ll remember that,” he says, voice rough. He nuzzles against your temple. Carefully, he withdraws his hand from inside your panties and holds it up to the light; he is slick all over from palm to fingertip. Fuzzy headspace gone, you have plenty of room inside now for embarrassment, your face warming as you bury it in your hands. “Jesus, make me still. You made a mess of me. Who gets them?” 
“Who—? Gets what?” 
He wiggles his fingers. You pull a face. 
“Don’t like the taste of yourself?” Johnny asks mildly. 
“Never tried it I guess,” you admit. Is that a silly thing? That you’ve never tasted your own cum? You wish you hadn’t admitted it, anxious about looking like a prude (which you are anything but, thanks. See the casual sex with your married roommate for more information) but Johnny just brushes over it like it’s nothing. 
“Would you like to?” Johnny asks. It’s on the tip of your tongue to say no, but at the last moment you decide what the hell. You open your mouth, and obligingly, Johnny feeds his first two fingers past your lips to let them rest on your tongue. It doesn’t really taste like anything—clean, a hint of musk. Feminine. Not at all what you had expected. You take Johnny’s wrist when he goes to pull away and lick his palm clean, relishing in his stuttered breath. “Converted you, didn’t I?”
“I think I converted myself, thanks.” Speaking of thanks—you toss the blanket off of you both and slip down to the floor at Johnny’s feet, turning around to rest your hands gently on his knees, hyper aware of his bad thigh. Johnny’s cock stretches his sweatpants obscenely, the fabric darkened around the head from how much he had been leaking pressed against your back. “Let me return the favor.” 
“It’s not about being reciprocal,” Johnny says smoothly. 
“Big word, Johnny,” Simon says. It makes you jolt. You had nearly forgotten that he was there—he is so quiet and still, unmoving on the other end of the sofa. God, he had watched you lick Johnny’s hand clean. The thought makes your face flush with warmth, though he seems cool and calm as anything, not repulsed like you might have expected. 
“I know a few, aye,” Johnny says, eyes rolling. He admits to you: “Math is my strong suit.” 
“Well, subtract your pants.” 
Johnny guffaws. It takes him work, wincing as pressure is placed on his bad thigh, but eventually he is able to draw his cock free, and fuck, what a cock it is. He’s uncut, thick. Just looking at him, you can tell that the stretch of him inside you would be blissful. It’s almost enough to have you aching again between the legs. 
You reach out and then hesitate. “Can I?”
“‘course you can,” he says. “Don’t take this as any representation of my stamina, I’ll have you know—“ 
“Tighter.” 
You both glance towards Simon. He’s loosened his grip on the throw pillow, though it still rests in his lap. He’s abandoned any facade of watching the television and has angled his body towards you where your hand looks downright dainty wrapped around Johnny’s cock. 
“What?” you ask him, unsure if you heard him correctly. 
He wets his lips and says: “Johnny likes a firm grip.” 
Your hand tightens, reflexively responding to the instruction, and Johnny groans above you. Precum leaks from the head, dripping down over your knuckles. 
“That’s it,” Simon says softly. “Good. Go ahead.” 
Maybe that ache between your legs wasn’t as gone as you had thought. Grip firm, you give Johnny a single, slick stroke from head to base, and it has his head lolling back against the couch cushions, his groan echoing around the apartment. 
“Don’t team up against me,” Johnny breathes. “Please, I already don’t stand a chance.” 
“Twist on the upstroke, if your wrist can manage it,” Simon says, eyes glittering as he watches your hand work over his husband. “Just like that—keep doing just that and—” 
Johnny sucks in a breath, wrenching the hem of his t-shirt up just as his cock bursts, pale seed splattering his tanned abs as his face twists with pleasure, eyes screwed tightly shut. His hips jerk upward on instinct until he hisses out a pained breath, and Simon shifts to reach out and place his broad palm over Johnny’s bare sternum, urging him into stillness as you work every last bit of cum from his cock. 
“Jesus,” he groans, palming at his eyes when you have finished. 
“Your turn,” you tease, holding up two sticky fingers to Johnny’s mouth. 
Johnny laughs. He takes your wrist—guides it towards Simon. 
You expect Simon to refuse—not because of Johnny’s cum, but because of your fingers. Simon looks like he thinks about refusing, his eyes careful as he looks over your hand and then your face, examining the slope of your brows, the raised corners of your mouth even as it likely slips into an anxious frown. He takes your wrist gently and brings your fingers to his mouth. His tongue is burning hot where it laps between your fingers. 
You stare, wide-eyed. 
Simon doesn’t stop until your hand is clean. 
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the-tarot-witch22 · 21 days
Text
The Next 3 Months - Pick a pile
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Pile 1/ Pile 2/ Pile 3
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Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!
Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!
How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to! You can choose more than one pile, it just means both pile have messages for you!
I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!
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Pile 1:
(The cards I got for you - the hermit, knight of cups, 3 of wands, 2 of wands, the hierophant, strength)
Okay so the very first thing i feel is your next 3 months will be about you only, your self love - self journey, you will be in your own comfort zone or cocoon, like no matter where you are but you will be the priority like your own self, i also feel your self esteem will have a massive glow up, I feel you will be reflecting on your self and on your past too, making better choices for your self, i also heard "solitude", so i feel these next three months will be full of that, you will be going on self introspection journey , figuring out who you truly making goals, preparing for important things in your life, I also feel there would be a new person coming in your life, a romantic interest or a good friend you might meet, and if not i feel there will be self - love in your life, you taking care of yourself, i also heard "workshops and courses" so you might be taking one too improve your skills, this pile might be very creative to begin with, "cancer moon/ Pisces sun/rising or any fire sign is also very prominent here", with Virgo and Capricorn energy! I also feel some of you would be putting yourself out there to meet someone going on dates (not everyone), i also feel travelling is quite prominent here, so i feel you might plan to travel somewhere or make plans to do so in next year, i also feel it might be a aboard trip, far from where you actually are, i also see you focusing more on your studies, to get better grades, if you are working i see your working getting less hectic, you might also meet someone while you are travelling, you might also be taking in charge of your own life, working hard to achieve things, i also feel you would be more spiritually and religiously aligned, for some of you , you guys could also begin to be brave, stand up for yourself, i feel there might some family problems around you, i feel that would also get better, i also feel this pile could have parents that are too strict, or just you don't get along with them so i feel you would stand up for yourself, or it would get better, at least better than before, i also feel the financial situation will be better for you, "i heard - do what you gotta do leave the rest to universe", there might be people in this group who gets anxious or just doesn't trust others easily, and scared or don't feel like asking for help, but i believe in you! TRUST ME things will get better from now on, even the blocked paths will open, just keep your intentions pure!
Angel cards - compromise - There might be some situations that might need your attention and you would have to come to agreement to keep the peace.
romance- GUYS what did i say, i feel there might be a romantic interest coming for some of you!, if not i feel its talking about self love and worth! and if you already have someone you will get more closer than before!
ask your angels - If you are in doubt just trust your angels and guides, they will show you the way!
Ask for help from others - As i said this pile might not like to ask for help and they try to bottle up, don't do that, your loved ones are there , share your feelings with them and your emotions, you don't have to bear the burden alone!
be assertive - as i said there will be more confidence in yourself and your worth!
Pile 2:
(The card I got for you - 3 of cups, the lovers, the world, 7 of swords, the magician and the hermit)
Okay so the very first thing i feel and heard was "love" and "celebration", I also feel someone around you might get married, in the next three months i feel there could be a party or a celebration even a small one, a birthday celebration perhaps, or you score good marks in your exams, there might also a party at your workplace, these 3 months will also help you grow in your self, there might be a small gathering or reunion in your family, you might not like it but i feel you would have to be there because of your parents/ or elders in your home, this group giving me a vibe of introvert individuals, who value their personal time and space a lot! I also feel someone could invite you to hangout!, there might be some major decisions you would have to take in these next 3 months, you will be confused yes, or have choosing one right decision for you, there could also be you might meet a potential romantic partner, most probably a soulmate, they could be platonic or romantic, i also feel the angels and universe will be on your side, there might be some transformations or awakenings you would have to go through in order to become a better version for yourself, i also heard "grow through what you go through", don't just get stuck in past whatever happens, happens, the main thing is you take a valuable lesson from it, i feel you might also develop a crush on someone in the next 3 months, I also feel someone around will help you in certain things and part of your life, you will feel complete with yourself, like more spiritually connected and free, i also feel you will break the norms or rule or just get out of your comfort zone , i feel these next 3 months will help you realize many things about yourself, i also heard "change", you might be trying or try to change your life completely by making good decisions, i also feel you will uncover the facade someone close to you like you will know they were trying to gaslight you, it could be anyone, so be careful of people and their intentions, there might be some lies involved like small ones, a mischievous intention towards you, so again be careful of that someone, it could be a friend, a family member, you might also be uncovering and improving your skills! I also feel your manifestations will come true and so will your wishes!
Angel cards -
Be assertive - Be confident in yourself and your abilities.
no need to worry - This group might overthink or worry a lot, so this is a sign for you to leave everything to universe and just keep doing , what you do!
let go - Let go of past or things that hold you back break free from them!
Communicate Clearly - Don't hesitate to speak your truth! And if something doesn't sit right with you , speak up, don't people please~
Pile 3:
(The cards I got for you - the moon, 5 of swords, knight of pentacles, 8 of wands, 8 of pentacles, and king of wands, the lovers)
Okay so the very first thing i feel for you pile 3 is, "let your gut or intuition guide you towards the right path", don't second guess your path that you choose, with time it will be all revealed, you already know what to do in your life, I also feel there are things in your life that holds you back from your full potential, but you need to figure it out on your own and let it go, and do things that actually matters and makes you happy, i also feel there will be some unexpected surprises for your from universe, like you actually didn't expect it! there will be some major transformation or job change in your life, if you don't have a job i feel you would be busy in studies and work, I also feel there will be some conflicts in your workplace or family or with your siblings, but i se you winning, or standing up for yourself, from this group i am getting earth and fire sign energy with Gemini sun/rising, I also feel there might be some inner conflicts ongoing in your life, like you doubting yourself and your abilities, I also feel there will be major changes in your love life! I feel this group might be preparing for higher studies and you will get succeed in it, I also heard "successful", so these 3 months will play a important role in your career and your studies, there might be someone soon coming into your life and they are definitely very rich! I also feel there would be quick movement all the things will go smoothly , I also feel you will travel this or next year , could be a vacation or a work trip, that you will be taking, i also heard "religious place" so you might start to believe in religion or spirituality related things, you will be working very hard and finish your ongoing projects! I also feel these next 3 months you will goals driven, and determined to make your life a bit better through your career, "i also heard take it easy, don't take too much pressure! I also feel you will be reaping the rewards soon! You will be more confident and focused on your goals, you will also embrace your masculine side a lot! But i also see you overworked and overwhelmed so again, be careful not to give yourself mental pressure!
Angel Cards -
The situation will improve - If you are not feeling good at the moment or have problems surrounded i see it gets better!
big happy changes - As i said in the reading, There will be a surprise for you in next 3 months! this is a confirmation!
Forgiveness - I also feel this group hasn't forgiven themselves for past for any reason, i wanna say take your time, and let go of those thing which are holding you back, you will be okay!
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Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3
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