#(I’m imagining other band guys if not his own band mates)

[northwestofinsanity]

To what do I owe the pleasure for having not one, but *FOUR* different rock stars, from four completely different bands show up in my dreams throughout my sporadic sleep last night? (Not counting that light sleep and waking up every hour was probably what made me so aware of my dreams.)

[ifancyharry]

Close As Strangers

what it is: Harry has been away for six months and YN wants to move on - based on Close As Strangers by 5 seconds of summer!!

word count: 4k+

Harry hurried down the hallway all the way to his room, sliding the key card against the key-reader, unlocking the door and pushing it open with his palms pressed against it.

He quickly removed his shoes, tossing them near the door, before plopping down on the hotel bed, his back against the headboard.

He fished out of his skinny jeans his phone, grimacing at the screen that read 3 missed calls from ‘Angel <3’.

He sighed as he unlocked it, typing hurriedly the number he knew by heart on the keyboard, and putting it on speaker, too tired to hold the phone to his shoulder for the call.

He waited for her to pick up as he listened to the incessant ringing of the line.

“Pick up, pick up” he whispered, biting at the skin of his thumb to suppress his sighs.

He knew he was late. And he felt like he could only imagine the disappointment YN felt when he didn’t answer her call.

He and YN had picked out a specific time throughout the day where the both of them had to be available. No matter what the other was doing, at 7 o’clock they had to answer the phone, which was a pretty understandable rule, and Harry had found it easy to comply to it at first, excusing himself to take a call or getting covered by his band mates if he couldn’t make up an excuse quickly enough. But with time, his schedule had gotten really busy.

And he sometimes missed her calls.

He wasn’t the fresh out of XFactor sixteen year old he’d been when they first started dating. He was Harry from One Direction now, and despite him feeling as the same shy guy that worked in a bakery, life around him had changed, and with it, his relationship.

He knew how she was; he knew she wasn’t answering because she was upset. And Harry really didn’t blame her, but he just didn’t find it reasonable to be upset (“stubborn little thing! — he’d say, once she had calmed down and answered the phone — It doesn’t benefit neither of us if you don’t pick up ‘cause you’re mad!”).

He rolled his eyes once the line went dead, and opened the text app instead, typing quickly with his fingers.

Baby pick up I wanna talk to you

After a couple of minutes, he wrote again: please

I miss you

And after that, he tried the line once again. This time, she picked up after five rings with a small “hello?”, her voice sounded croaky distorted from the phone.

“Hello angel. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.”

“It’s okay”, and Harry felt her sigh through the phone, “i was thinking we should push back the calls until you’re back…”

“What?”

“I know you’re pretty busy,” she said, sternly, “and I don’t want to bother you.”

“What?” Harry repeated, and once he realised he already asked that, he cleared his voice and said: “you could never be a bother”.

YN couldn’t see him but she knew he was shaking his head. She tried not to picture the frown in his brows and the pout on his lips, otherwise she couldn’t possibly keep going.

“Things are different now—”

“No.” He cut her off, “don’t say that, angel. Nothing’s changed. It’s still us.”

“Harry” she softened her tone to make sure he really understood her, “it’s still us. — she nodded firmly to herself — I think it’s best if we stick to texting for now. It’s okay.”

“Okay… okay, if that’s - if that’s what you want. Okay.”

“It’s better this way” she sighed once again and Harry felt her breathing through the phone, her shaky breath loud in his ears as if it were his own.

“But we’re good, right? Tell me we’re good.”

“Yes, of course we’re good.”

Harry nodded, staying quiet as the words she’d just spoken lingered in the air between them. Despite being so far away he could almost feel her right next to him as she kept talking, unaware of the heavy weight he felt on his chest making it a little harder to breathe, the sudden realisation that maybe they weren’t good after all.

-

Harry:

Good luck on your exam baby xx

Harry typed the message quickly before locking his phone in his hands.

“1 minute, guys!” Paul reminded them, and for the first time in three years, Harry didn’t want to perform.

YN had a really big exam, the most important of her course, and his heart ached at the thought of not being there with her. He didn’t want to go on stage, and if he was a bad person, he wouldn’t. He would call his driver and go straight to the airport. But Harry wasn’t like that. No.

Since the beginning of his career, he always felt like he owed something to someone, because as he often said to YN, things like this don’t happen to people like him. What he meant with ‘people like him’ no one truly knows, because YN is sure Harry would be successful even if he wasn’t in the band, even if he never went to XFactor, he would have found a way to do what he loves. People would’ve known him either way, because he’s Harry Styles.

And if he didn’t… was it that bad? Wasn’t a life with her not enough to him? She often wonders that, but then she feels extremely guilty and she stops. She knows it’s wrong to think in such a way, because Harry says many times that that XFactor audition was the best thing he ever did in his life, but sometimes you can’t really control your heart as much as your thoughts.

“Harry, stop texting and let’s go!” Paul shouted, from his position on the doorframe.

Sometimes it’s though, for Harry. He tries really hard not to snap at the crew members because he knows they’re just doing their job, but he would often like to say: handle me a little bit softer, please! Because he is still human, and despite enjoying his job, he still needs to be handled gently. He’s only 19.

He obviously never says anything because as stated before, he’s had this strange feeling of owing his career to someone (no one in particular… his fans? Simon Cowell? He doesn’t know, he just knows the feeling in his gut), and he doesn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Harry throws a quick glance at him and nodds, sighing heavily as he hears his phone ding with a message.

Angel <3:

Can I call you, please? I don’t feel good

“Harry, I said let’s go.” He said once again, walking towards him and taking his shirt in his grip, tugging on the sleeve a bit.

Harry grimaced a little at the thought of not answering YN’s text, but he hadn’t opened it, so he guessed she’d probably think he was already on stage.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming!” He shrugged, tossing his phone on the couch and turning towards the door.

Paul nods and “c’mon, rockstar” he said, ruffling Harry’s hair playfully.

“Hey!” He pouted, chuckling as he bumps his arm against his.

Harry tried not to think too much about YN and her message, but he couldn’t help the pang in his chest as he walked out of the changing rooms and heard his phone ringing, the personalised ringer he set YN when he first bought the phone hitting him right in the heart.

He rolled his lips in his mouth as he walked towards the stage, the image of YN all alone at home with her phone to her ear hunting his thoughts.

-

Harry:

Hey, baby, how are you? What are you doing?

seen, 10.27am

Answer meeeee

seen, 11.47am

Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you answering?

seen, 12.01am

Angel <3:

Hary.. sprry i was ouy

Harry:

Are you drunk?

Angel <3:

Jst a litle bit hahahaahah

Harry:

Are you safe?

Angel <3:

yea, wit Emma xx txt tommrw

Harry sighed heavily as he rubbed his temples, tossing his phone on the bed beside him. He closed his eyes as he tried to soothe the impending headache as best as he could. He knew he shouldn’t think like this, but he sometimes can’t help but get angry with her; they never get time to talk, and the only time he can call her, she’s out drinking with her friends. It’s wrong and he’s being unfair, of course he knows. He’s just… he feels defeated. And left out. She feels so far away, and he’s sad he can’t be there with her. Why is she drinking? Is she celebrating something? Did she pass her exam? He doesn’t even know. He didn’t even ask, really. Because he was on The Late Late Show in the morning and was already performing with the band by the evening.

So he’s aware it’s his fault, but at the moment, he just feels like being angry at her. He’ll feel guilty in the morning, and he’ll try not to think about her like that ever again, but tonight… he allows himself the feeling.

He feels sick to his stomach when he realises he doesn’t even know who Emma is. He’s been away so long she made new friends he never got to meet.

-

Harry:

I wish you were here.

Harry knows this relationship isn’t going to work. He knows it deep in his heart, the feeling has been growing deep in his belly ever since he auditioned on xfactor, and if he was a better person he would end it.

He would take his brand new (very expensive) phone, digit the number he knows by heart and just… end it.

Dump her, to say it as straight as it is.

But he can’t.

He knows it’s what’s best for the both of them, he can tell she wants to move on, enjoy life with her friends, be loved by someone who could show his love by being present, but he is too selfish to do that.

The mere thought of her with someone else kills him, makes him sick to his stomach. So what does he do instead? He looks for her in every face in the crowd, in every person he meets (and there’s a lot).

Incoming: FaceTime call.

From: Angel <3

“Hi, H” YN whispers softly as soon as he answers the call.

“Hi angel.”

“I missed you, feel like I haven’t seen y’re face in ages”

“I know”, he clears his throat awkwardly, unsure on what to tell her, “still the same pretty face” he jokes.

“No, you look…” Harry can see her furrow her brows down to the middle, “you look different… older”.

What she really wants to say is he looks… glowier? Like someone who slept for twelve hours or someone who just came back from a ten days vacation at an all inclusive resort.

It’s weird, seeing him like this, he sort of lost his edgier and childlike state.

He looks more mature, yes, but also more polished. His once fluffy and untamed hair look shiny and… styled? He certainly has hairdressers, because YN saw it from an instagram post, but she thought it was like a one time thing… not a recurring one.

She feels kind of out of place, in front of this boy - guy, more like - she hasn’t seen in six weeks.

She finds it hard to remember it’s still her Harry.

She wonders how many things he saw in these six weeks, how many things he did without her, how many new places he discovered without sharing it with her, without making her a part of it.

The awkward energy isn’t lost on both parts, and if YN isn’t afraid to show it, Harry tries all he can to keep the conversation normal. He won’t give up.

“You look beautiful as ever” he says with a grin, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

She only partially breaks in a smile, because she doesn’t want him to feel bad.

It’s not him, entirely, it’s them… it’s them as a whole.

“Everyday gets harder to stay away from you” he reiterates, “but I’ll see you soon, okay? At your birthday?”

“Yeah… okay” she gulps, her hands playing nervously with a stray thread coming off of her cream sweater.

“Soon. I promise.”

She nods and pretends she believes him.

The conversation only lasts for a couple of minutes, their hours long calls are just a memory by now, and she asks a couple of questions to pretend everything is fine and not alarm him.

But she knows he can feel something shifted between them, because nothing is as once was.

-

“I think we should head inside, love” Anne kindly said, placing a gentle and comforting hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think he’s coming.”

“No” YN shook her head firmly, in her stomach a nauseous feeling was tingling her insides; she tried to defend him with everything she could: “he can’t. He promised he’d be here. He’s coming. I know he is”

“Okay” Anne murmured, as she threw a wary look in Gemma’s direction, “let’s just wait a little bit more.”

“Yes!” Gemma agreed, “maybe his flight is late…?” She suggested, albeit with little conviction.

YN nodded her head absentmindedly, her gaze lost in the pinkness of the sky extending before her.

She had wanted to wait for his arrival to cut the cake, refusing Gemma’s offer (more like plea) to at least light up the candles to sing her happy birthday, so everyone was starving and YN had the strange feeling they were all upset. With her or with Harry she didn’t really know.

It’s not like she blamed them, the scene presented in front of them (YN waiting all day for Harry who didn’t even call to tell her he wasn’t coming; YN refusing to invite her friends because she wanted it to be just close family and she wanted to spend as much time as she could with her boyfriend) was pathetic as it was already.

She really didn’t think Harry had it in him to miss her birthday.

Everything YN could really think of was how thankful she was it was just her, Anne and Gemma. What would have happened if she had invited more people? She would have ended up looking like the fool who gets stood up at her own birthday by her own boyfriend.

They had been waiting since lunch time and it was already sunset, the now orange sky a dreadful reminder of how much time was passing and how late it was getting.

In her heart, buried deep under her hope, she knew he wasn’t coming. She knew his flight wasn’t late because he never boarded it in the first place, breaking the promise he’d made her that he’d be there for her birthday.

She tried to think about a birthday she passed without Harry, but nothing came to mind. Ever since they started dating, he’d always be there celebrating with her and making her happy on what is supposed to be a day all about her.

She tried to think how much she was willing to wait, she didn’t want to encounter in the possibility of having to wait until late night, but she knew that if she didn’t give herself an ultimatum she never would have stopped waiting for him.

“YN…” Anne interrupted her train of thoughts, once it started to get a bit chilly in the garden and the humidity was starting to get uncomfortable.

“I know.” YN interrupted her briefly, trying not to pay too much attention to the way her eyes were starting to tingle a bit, the humiliation being so bad it was starting to grow inside her like a balloon waiting to pop, “it’s okay.” She nodded, reassuring Anne, but maybe herself too - a little bit.

She shifted her gaze to Gemma, who frowned at the look on her face, “it’s okay.” She repeated, “I knew he wasn’t coming, after all, I knew.”

She could feel their eyes on her as she brought a hand up to her chest, hoping that maybe the warmth could soothe her aching heart; but nothing about her was warm.

She actually felt really cold, her hand on her chest only accentuated her panic and humiliation as she could hear her heart beat fast against her chest cage.

“I am so sorry” Anne said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly,

“We’re certainly not leaving him any cake” Gemma joked, but her humour fell on deaf ears, because neither YN nor Anne laughed. In Anne’s opinion, there wasn’t anything to laugh about, and in YN’s… well, she wasn’t really paying any attention to her surroundings.

“Let’s go inside, love” Anne repeated once again, but this time YN nodded and got up from her chair.

She inhaled a little before heading towards the door.

Once she was inside, she felt the warm air hit her cheeks, and the sweet smell of the cake cooling off in the oven invaded her nostrils.

The cozy ambience was becoming kind of overwhelming, and she wished she could just close her eyes and be out of that damn house. The house where she spent all her best days with her boyfriend. Was he even her boyfriend anymore?

She felt sick to her stomach thinking those kinds of thoughts, but how couldn’t she? There weren’t many things she cared about like she cared about birthdays, and Harry knew it all too well.

“I think I’ll just head home…” she sighed, a heavy weight on her chest was making it harder and harder to breathe.

“Don’t you want to stay? We could eat some cake and…”

“No” she shook her head forcefully, “I just need to go home, I have to wake up early tomorrow”.

“Okay, love. I’m…” Anne began saying, but she stopped herself. There weren’t many words to say to excuse her son’s behaviour.

“Just… drive safe, okay?”

-

YN felt very alone as she laid in her bed that night; it wasn’t later than 9pm, way too early for her bedtime, but she really didn’t care, at that point she’d do whatever worked to make the day end sooner.

What was worse (if there even was something worse) was that her phone hadn’t rang one time since she’d arrived home, and that meant not only Harry hadn’t shown up to her birthday lunch, but he didn’t even feel guilty about it.

That was everything she needed to know.

She’d always been convinced chasing dreams couldn’t be harmful in anyway, and maybe for Harry it hadn’t been… but for her? What about her? Was she selfish for getting in the way of his dream of a life time?

All these questions ran through her head, a sharp pain growing behind her eyes from keeping in the tears for too long. They spiked against her eyes but she refused to let them fall, she had cried too long for him. This was really all she could do, but without even realising, she had started crying long before even getting in bed.

“Stop it” she condemned herself, pressing the tips of her fingers on her eyelids to dry the tears. “Just stop” she sobbed against her hands.

She doesn’t know for how long she laid there, and at some point she thinks she eventually stopped crying, too exhausted to let anything else out.

Before succumbing to a what she knew would be a troubled sleep, she grabbed her phone and typed a message quickly.

It read: we’re over.

-

When YN sent that text, she knew they weren’t over. They never could be, not without talking it out at first, and Harry… well he’s very stubborn, and at first, it was a quality she liked about him, but when he started calling her back to back until she answered, she reevaluated that.

Text from: Harry

I won’t stop calling until you answer the phone

I’m not joking, YN

Answer

We’re not over

Are we?

We can’t be

You can’t leave me like that

Answer the phone please

I can explain

It took her two days to call him. Two days of uninterrupted messages, two days of tears and an ache in her chest she tried to get rid of by eating tons of ice cream.

Her finger had lingered a while on the green call button before pressing it, but it only took him two rings to answer.

“YN…” he started, and he sort of sounded relieved, she has to admit that.

Like a weight had been lifted off his chest.

“Stop pestering me with all those messages.” She said firmly, “I don’t want to talk to you”.

“YN” he sighed once again, “please let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, Harry! You missed my birthday” she said, and she tried really hard to keep her voice from breaking, but it didn’t really work.

“I know.” He said firmly, “my phone broke, I couldn’t… I didn’t know how to reach you… and by the time I got a new one, I had a concert and I couldn’t… you don’t know how these things work YN, I can’t just drop everything and run to you”.

She felt his words like a bullet piercing through her chest, “you’re right, I don’t know how these things work, but I still deserve to be treated with respect”

“I know. I know you do”.

Sometimes YN wishes Harry had never auditioned for xfactor in the first place. She knows it’s selfish but she doesn’t care. If that makes her a bad person, so be it.

If he’d never auditioned they wouldn’t be here, and she wouldn’t have to beg him for the respect he’d always showed her in the past.

“We really tried to make this work, Harry” she said in a soft voice, at this point all she could feel was defeat.

The whole situation was simply too hurtful to keep going.

“No. Stop. Don’t talk like that.” He’s quick to reply, and she could hear him get up from the bed she supposed he was sitting on.

“You missed my birthday! What am I supposed to say?”

“Enough with this birthday! I explained how things went already. You can’t just leave me like that for a single mistake”.

“But it’s not just the birthday! it’s… everything” she snapped, tired of him dragging a situation that’s been difficult long before he missed her birthday.

“Everything? You’re being unfair, YN. I tried with all I could to be present”

“But you didn’t! You never call, you’re always busy doing god knows what! -

“I’m working, YN, what do you think!” He interrupted her, but she started again with a scoff.

“I feel like I don’t know you anymore, H… buying fancy cars, hanging out with models… what? am I not enough for you anymore? Is that it? If you want out, why don’t you tell me? Why don’t you leave me?”

At that point she was certain she was crying, she could feel the warm tears streaming down her cheeks, but, in the confines of her home, she didn’t really care. Plus, it’s not like Harry hadn’t really seen her cry before.

She cried when she got her first A in maths Harry helped her study for (she had studied really hard), she cried in his arms all night when her childhood dog died (he had died an happy death at 16 years old, but still, it didn’t dull the pain), she cried to him when a mean guy called her four eyes in middle school and Harry had threatened to beat the shit out of him (she realised she loved him then), and she cried with him when he received the call he’d been selected to audition on xfactor.

All these times she’d cried, he had always been there to console her, comfort her, rubbing her back, holding her close to his chest, caressing her face with his soft hands. Where was he now, then? Why, after she threatened to end their relationship, he didn’t drop everything and hop on the first flight home? Why was she crying alone in her room?

A beat passed before he answered, and she wondered if he’s mustering up the courage to leave her. To finally do it. She hoped he would, quick and painless.

“I don’t want to leave you, even if it hurts, okay? You think it doesn’t pain me hearing you cry and not being there? It does. But I won’t give up on us. Even if it hurts, I’m not giving up. Are you?”

“I don’t know” she started, uncertain on what to say.

“No, you know, you know you love me. You do love me, right?”

“Of course I do” she reiterated, sniffling with her nose.

“That’s all that matters. We’ll get through this, I swear.”

It took a little bit more of convincing until YN finally gave in. She didn’t know how long this would go on for, how long they could make it last before going off like a grenade and destroying everything around them.

All she knew is this time, he didn’t even promise he’d come back to her soon. What did it mean? Is something not said as important as what was actually said?

-

After six months he’s been away, YN realises she should have left him that night. She would have saved herself so many missed calls, broken lines, fights and once again, tears.

Her desire to keep watering a dead plant ruined everything in the end.

She wanted out the very first moment he started missing her calls, she wanted to end it, and had she done it, by now she’d be somewhat partially healed, hanging out with her friends, checking his profile maybe once a week when she was really drunk.

But no.

These six months without him only alienated her and hurt her, and she’s finally mustered up the courage to leave him like she intended to.

It’s not a threat this time, as she tries to find the best words to leave him with.

She’s typing her message when her phone screen turns black for a fraction of a second and then his picture invades the screen.

Call from: Harry

“YN” he breathes out, not even letting her say hi to him, “I’m coming home. They told us today, I’m coming home.” he repeats, so many times he doesn’t even let her process this new information.

She doesn’t say anything, the words she has longed to hear for a long time now seem dull, like a cruel joke she doesn’t understand.

“You’re coming home?” She gulps, trying to steady her racing heart.

“Yes!” He exclaims, and then he proceeds to explain the logistics of his trip back home, how all the guys had begged for some time off and how the label finally agreed on two weeks of rest.

All YN can think about is how this is all too overwhelming to understand.

It’s been six months since she’s seen him.

How will it feel? Seeing him again after so long? Touching him? She feels like she doesn’t really know him anymore. So many things he did without her, so many people he met she doesn’t know and she will never be introduced to, so many new songs written, some that aren’t even about her.

She really wants to be happy, trust me she does, but all she can think about is how it feels like, by now, they’re as close as strangers.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

okay okay but imagine pissed off brat tamer Steven Adler and sub reader who usually never pisses Steven off....i'm dead bro

A/n: I hope I did good with this prompt, I know there was no mention of the rest of the band but I had an idea and just rolled with it ig so I hope you don’t mind and still enjoy it <3

Warnings: smut, slight angst, voyeurism, degrading, groping, slight praise link, if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

It wasn’t intentional. Kind of.

You were just having a bad day! And you told Steven just as much over the phone. He was down at the studio with the guys and you were asking how much longer it would be before he got home.

He said only a few more hours but you asked him to come home sooner. You just wanted to see him, you wanted him to hold you and tell you everything would be fine and that you were beautiful and he loved you.

You wanted him to fuck you so good you couldn’t walk for the next week.

You wanted him to love you.

When he refused to come home you knew you had to take matters into your own hands so you drove down to the studio.

You found the room they were in with the help of another band that happened to be there. The guy who walked you over there obviously thought you were attractive, even asking if you’d rather sit in with his band instead.

It made you wonder how Steven would react, so you accepted his offer.

His was in a band you didn’t know but remembered hearing the name around somewhere, Steven must’ve talked about them at some point, maybe it was a magazine.

They were recording their own debut album and the guy you met was the drummer. He told you his name but you didn’t remember it, there was no need to. He said he’d already done his part and was just there to give his input on the others playing.

You sat in his lap, arms around his neck and occasionally shifting in his lap to get a reaction. You loved hearing his groans fall onto your ears, most of all you loved the thought of Steven catching you two in the act.

As if it was planned there was a knock on the door and in came Duff and Steven. They’d come to ask if this new band wanted to hang out, they were both new bands belonging to the same label so why not?

Steven just wasn’t expecting to see his own girlfriend sitting in some random dudes lap the same way you sat in his lap.

When Duff walked out he didn’t wait for Steven, he saw you sitting there, he knew there’d be words. “Hey, can I see you for a second?” He asked, looking at you with a stern expression.

The drummer you were sitting on looked at you with a confused expression. “But I’m comfy.” You whined with a pout.

“I don’t care, you’re my girlfriend, come on.” He said, coming over and taking you from the other drummer who just stared at you dumbfounded. You never mentioned anything about a partner. He spewed out apology after apology as his band mates laughed while you got borderline dragged out of the room.

Steven dragged you back to Guns recording room. You thought he’d take you to a closet or empty room, maybe his car or something but no.

He sat back on the couch but when you tried to sit down he pushed you off the couch. You looked at him with furrowed brows.

He unzipped his jeans and pat his thigh. You moved between his legs, heat building between your own as you looked up at him with wide eyes.

“The fuck are you doing?” Slash asked as he watched you, though the question was directed at Steven.

“She wanted attention.” Steven stated and pulled himself out of his boxers. You hit your lip and hesitantly took him into your mouth. Cheeks heating up as you felt four sets of eyes on you, Stevens head rolling back already.

You started moving up and down on his length, gagging slightly around him as soft groans left him.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed that Slash was palming himself through his jeans, you could hear Duff groaning as well. While you couldn’t see Izzy or Axl you figured they were both in similar situations.

You just wanted attention from your boyfriend, not everyones eyes on you as you sucked Steven off. You wanted a reaction from him but you didn’t think it’d be this.

You kept going, eyes watering and tears trickling down your cheeks, mixing with the drool slipping out the corners of your mouth.

Steven was twitching down your throat, his head relaxed on the back of the couch as moans left him.

“Fuck.” Duff groaned. You hadn’t realized he’d come up beside you, now stroking himself not far from your face. “You’re so pretty like that.” You stared up at the tall blond, letting Steven take control and thrust up into you.

“Aw, look at that.” Slash chimed, also jerking himself off at the sight of your lips wrapped around Stevens cock. “Getting all starry eyed when someone calls you pretty.” He gently rubbed your wet cheek with a finger.

“Is that all you wanted?” Steven asked, caressing your cheek. You nodded, still taking him in your mouth. “Well, that’s to bad.” He pulled you off of him and got you to your feet just to push you onto the couch and push into your needy cunt. “Shouldve thought about that before being a whore.”

Steven started slamming into you at a brutal pace, not giving you a moment of peace. Loud moans and sobs ripped from your throat as you body bounced from his harsh thrusts, the only thing keeping your head from repeatedly banging against the wall was Duffs arm he had resting on the couch, specifically put there so you wouldn’t get hurt.

Even with Stevens aggressive pace and cold words, feeling everyone’s eyes on you knowing they were getting off on the sight, the few praises you got for simply sitting pretty for them was enough to get that hot knot building in your gut.

Stevens arms wrapped around you, pulling you up so you were held tight against his chest. Slash lazily reached for you chest and Steven held up your shirt for him. He stuffed the hem in your mouth and bit your neck. “You need to shut up more.” He whispered in your ear.

“Fuck you, I like hearing her.” Axl grunted, you could tell he was getting close. Everyone was getting close but no one wanted to cum first.

You reached down to rub yourself but Steven slapped your hand away. “Oh, come on,” Duff chimed, “she’s been good.” He reached over and lightly toyed with you. Slash groped your chest, pinching your nipples between his calloused fingers.

It all finally boiled over and the knot inside you finally came undone. Waves of heat washed over you, jolts of pleasure rocketing through your body and making you shake.

Your mind was wrecked. Everything was foggy, the guys voices were all muffled and you weren’t entirely sure what was happening. All you knew was that finally Steven was holding you tightly and lovingly, kissing you sweetly all over, whispering praises in your ear just as you had wanted when you came down in the first place.

[californianedgeworth]

I wrote this tirade about the Gavinners' theme in my notes app months ago but I had no Ace Attorney fans to share it with but I have a tumblr blog now so I will unleash it upon all of you:

We only know 2 of the 5 Gavinner members. There have to be 5 since there are two guitarists, a bassist, a drummer, and a keyboard player as established by the instruments in Turnabout Serenade. But the only ones with canon appearances and names are the guitarists, Klavier Gavin and Daryan Crescend. Since we know less than half of the band, it sends my mind running who the others could be. It would have been so fun to see all the designs of the band, but we don’t! So I just have to imagine what they look like, possibly based off of Klavier and Daryan. Some people have made their own headcanons and fanart, and I like them but I feel like there’s an important matter they never touch on.

As far as Klavier goes, his design is straightforward. 

(sorry his png is so damn big. I figured out how to edit in html to make the image smaller but every time I save the textpost draft it undoes my edit. no I will not open a photo editor to size him down)

When I show a picture of him to my friends who haven’t played Ace Attorney, they ask if he’s a rockstar. And he is! His design conveys the fact. He’s also a lawyer, so his style strikes somewhere between courtroom attire and rockstar. A lot of the Ace Attorney designs are fun and great at conveying character, and I’d say Klavier is a pretty solid design.

But then there’s Daryan, who is dressed like a shark. 

Idk if anyone else agrees but I’m not a fan of Daryan’s design. I also don’t really like him as a character either tbh. If he wasn’t holding a guitar, would it even be clear that he’s a rockstar? All the Gavinners members are part of law enforcement, but you can’t really tell Daryan is a police officer either. His design kind of bewilders me. With Klavier, you can tell a lot just by looking at him. What comes to mind when you look at Daryan is “shark man”. I mean, shark man’s a sick design concept, but I don’t like looking at Daryan! I think it has a lot to do with his ugly ass hair. His hoodie’s fun, but I don't like his hair. It's an unfortunate shape. And I think the people agree: half the fanart I see of him, they change his hair.

Usually with bands, you expect them to share a common style. But in the rock band the Gavinners, one of the members is dressed like a rockstar, and one of them is dressed like a shark. Like, I guess you could argue that Daryan is kind of in line, and his fashion fits into the rocker style. But I don’t know, in my mind the fact he’s a shark guy makes him very inconsistent with Klavier to me. So that got me wondering, what percentage of the Gavinners is dressed as rockstars vs Gavinners dressed as marine animals? I thought through some of the possibilities and proposed the ones that are funniest to me

Ratio 1 - 4 Rockstars to 1 Marine-Themed Star

This would mean Daryan is the odd one out. The weirdo who is a little too into Sharkboy and Lava Girl. A band of 4 guys who wear similar rockstar styles and then there’s just Daryan in his shark hoodie. 

Ratio 2 - Split 2 to 3 Either Way

In this scenario, the band can’t agree on what their theme is. Half are dressed in chains and leather, the other half are out of a marine biology textbook

Ratio 3 - 1 to 1 to 1 to 1 to 1

The Gavinners has no theming in the costume department. Each member is dressed however they like. Aesthetic nightmare

Ratio 4 - 1 Rockstar to 4 Marine-Themed Stars

I imagine it like this:

A 16-year-old Klavier Gavin walks into the studio, which at that time is the Gavin family’s garage. The Gavinners have just come together recently, and are rehearsing for their first show. But when Klavier enters, he finds his band mates are dressed up as a shark, a wrasse, a clownfish, and a lobster.

Klavier is confused, because he thought that the Gavinners was going to be themed after Klavier Gavin. He expresses this thought to his band.

Daryan tells him that since Klavier decided to name the band after himself, it was only fair the rest of the band mates got to choose the theme. And they were all super into sea life, so they dressed up as their favorite marine animals.

Klavier is annoyed they didn’t talk through it with him and says that maybe their theme is getting a little muddled. But since they’re all so enthusiastic, he’ll try it out. And he wants to be a merman. 

All the other members side eye Klavier. A merman isn’t a real animal, they tell him. Maybe he could be a manatee, a seahorse, a sea angel, a parrot fish? All of those creatures are just as majestic and beautiful as mermen, and they actually exist. Despite Klavier’s protests, the rest of the band does not budge. They persuade him to be a parrotfish.

The day comes for their first show. They got Klavier a parrotfish costume, which he keeps making faces at as they set up.

Klavier tells the other Gavinners he doesn’t want to wear the fish head hat since it will cover up his fresh haircut, but they insist he should. As they get ready in the dressing room, Klavier excuses himself to the bathroom.

When they’re called to the stage, Klavier has not returned. They assume he might already be onstage, or will be there soon. As they all get there and Klavier does not, they start to feel concern. Klavier is their lead singer and guitarist. He’d been thinking of nothing but their show for days, so it’s strange he’s suddenly missing. They ask the manager to delay the curtain call for a few minutes. The manager denies them, saying they’re on a tight schedule and they don’t want to delay the performers coming after the Gavinners. The band considers going into the bathroom to check on Klavier, or if they could perform without him.

As the curtain begins to rise, Klavier finally walks out on stage and joins the rest of them. But he’s not in a parrotfish costume. He is in a matching black shirt and pants combo with silver chains. Not even close to being parrotfish themed. The bandmates are shocked, but know they can’t make a fuss about it when the show is starting. They give him glares while they play. But they know they must look so bad when they’re all dressed up as various fish and an arthropod while their lead singer isn’t. The performance is received well despite the tension, but there are some mild comments on how strange the costuming is. Once it’s over, the bandmates confront Klavier, but he absolutely refuses to dress as a parrotfish for any of their future shows. When they realize they can’t change his mind (and they still won’t change their minds about letting him be a merman), they agree to just go to shows that way. Four of them dressed up as ocean animals, while the lead singer is not.

Over time, the other bandmates eventually give up on the whole marine life shtick. If they’re not all coordinated, what’s the point? And from their dressing room in the AA4, it looks like the band’s styling is in line with Klavier’s. But as the other members shed their marine life costumes, one keeps his through it all: Daryan. As the band builds regard and a fan base, he remembers how Klavier ruined their theme. So many of their arguments over the music and the band image are started because Daryan is secretly wounded no one dresses up as a fish with him. Now this gets into theory territory because I believe this could be his true motivator in Turnabout Serenade—

[louisisalarrie]

Can you give a bit more background on the Louis/Oli friendship? I know they’re friends from school and Ol has been in L’s life since then (PAing for him etc) but is it true he lived with Louis at his London house, even when he was supposedly with Eleanor?

I’m not implying anything between him and L by the way - hell no. I can see they are besties but I just wondered if there had been any further context re their friendship. I wondered if Louis really doesn’t like to be alone and feels safer when he’s got Oli or someone with him? I know he’s often pursued by fans so I can understand that when he’s out and about without his security it’s nicer to have your mate there! Oli literally is everywhere though…even accompanying him to LA to see Freddie and pictured at a child’s play park (sorry, I know you don’t believe in all of that) and often on holiday together. I mean, I have a bestie who I love being with but we do have our own separate lives too.

Does oli have a partner ? Again, I’m definitely not implying anything more than massive friendship between them but just wondered about the background to them being joined at the hip! Maybe they’re often apart but we just get the impression they’re always together from the pics that are shared.

Hey anon!

They are friends from school, correct. Oli is louis’ PA so is kinda required to be with him at all shows/tours/appearances, but I think he also just enjoys it. Hell, if one of my best mates hired me as their personal assistant where I could tour the world and get paid for it, I’d drop everything and go hahahaha.

I think the main thing about this is though, that Louis has talked about before how lonely touring is. He’s a bit of a live wire and does value being surrounded by people, and touring is exhausting and can be very lonely, so I think it’s kinda that simple. He toured for so long with his best mates around him, supporting each other through closeting and shit situations as well as having the time of his life with them, so going into being a solo artist without someone super familiar to you (I know he has his band but this is a different connection, it’s a piece of home), I can imagine his nerves were through the roof and he just really needed something stable in his life, like Oli. Particularly when he’s so far from Harry all the time.

The info I have is that they both have their addresses as that public house, but of course they can’t give out their personal addresses, and I think it’s more Oli’s house if anything. I do think they do spend time apart but it’s literally Oli’s job to be there all the time, ya know? But they don’t stay in the same hotel rooms and they don’t spend their time together as much outside of tour, im sure, but the photos we do get of louis have been always public appearances/stunt appearances so it makes sense to have his support with him. It’s just something grounding.

+ he’s a really nice guy and is super chill

[amandacanwrite]

Blue Veins • A Short Story

genre : contemporary/fantasy

warning : themes of suicide, depression, foul language, cigarettes, existential crises

a/n : Here is a little short I wrote a while ago for a contest that wasn't selected, but I still really enjoy it and I hope you guys do too! I purposefully didn't give the narrator any defining gender markers so feel free to imagine whomever you like there.

I sat with my feet dangling off the edge of the cliff side, staring at the churning sea below with glazed eyes. Beside me was a single glove, upon which I’d set my pack of smokes, protecting it from the dirt and gravel. I was working my way through the pack, chain smoking. I wasn’t thinking about much, only what I’d do after I smoked that last cigarette.

Life had been a series of disappointments—dull and colorless, every day another shade of grey, pewter or charcoal. I decided I was finally tired of it. I was going to end it. No reason to waste a good pack of cigarettes, though.

Nobody was going to find the damned thing up here. I could have given them to some vagrant, I guess—or I could have left them at the venue where my former band mates were playing songs I wrote, where some intruder was singing words she didn’t write about pain she didn’t earn.

But fuck that, I paid almost fifteen bucks for this shitty hipster brand of organic tobacco. I was going to enjoy it.

Looking across the horizon at the endless black of the nighttime ocean scape, I snuffed out my most recent smoke. I lit another immediately; the flame flickering white as I inhaled a throat-paralyzing drag. I let the smoke leave my nostrils.

“Got one to spare?” A voice said from behind me.

I jolted and looked back at the intruder, my brows knitting. He was half hidden in the shadow of the trees I’d woven through to get to the lookout. I bristled. This was a sacred moment—my sacred space—no outsiders allowed.

“What the fuck?” I griped.

“What is this, your private cliff or something?” The voice was lilting, amused.

“I climbed over a barbed wire fence to get here. I was kind of hoping for some time to clear my head, asshole. Why don’t you go to some other craggy outcropping of rock and mind your own business?”

“Mostly because I smelled cigarettes and decided I wanted one,” he said, stepping out of the shadow.

Ripped black jeans, a white shirt, pasty white skin. His eyes were greasy smudges of old smeared eyeliner around even blacker irises. A shock of messy blue hair tangled and ratty sprouted from his head—chin length—grown out.

“You follow me from The Nest?” I asked, defensive, pissed off, generally annoyed.  

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

The stranger came to sit next to me despite every social cue, telling him I didn’t want company. He hung his legs off the side of the cliff alongside mine, kicking feet clad in converse held together by staples and duct tape. I occupied my mouth with a sour inhale from my cigarette, silvery ashes blowing in the whipping wind as I burned it down half-way.

“Bro, do you not take fucking hints? I’m not interested in company right now,” I said through smoke.

“Oh, I caught that,” he said, flashing a grin at me.

“So why are you still here, then?”

“’Cause I want in.”

“In on what?”

“The suicide.”

I froze, looking at him through the ribbons of smoke I involuntarily gusted out. His eyes weren’t black, I realized. They were a mossy shade of green. They crinkled with far too much humor for the dismal situation.

“No thanks, I’m doing this one on my own—maybe next time,” I said in deadpan.

“Oh, come on. Will it be so bad to have a bite-it-buddy?” he asked, “What’s the game, huh? Finish the last cigarette and bombs away? Sounds like a pretty sick deal to me. Let me in on it.”

I scowled at him for a few minutes, thinking about it. A red-hot pain seared my finger, and I looked down, dropping my smoke that had burned away while I spoke with him. I shook the pain off my fingers.

“Damn it, look—you made me waste one,” I said.

“Sooner the better, right?” he asked, “Unless you’re planning on backing out last minute, which would be boring as shit,” he said.

I leveled a glare at him, flicking the butt off the side of the cliff, letting it fall to the ocean below.

“Yikes, litterbug.”

“Fuck off,” I muttered, picking up the pack of smokes and flicking it open.

I looked down and my heart stalled. Two left. Had I smoked that many already?

“It’s perfect, isn’t it?” He asked as if he’d read my mind, “One for you, one for me, and then we can shuffle off our mortal coils in fashion. It will be like some shitty movie, like Harold and Maude.”

I chuckled, gloved hand holding the open pack, as I looked down at those two lonesome sticks.

“I love that movie,” I mumbled.

He put out a hand toward me, two fingers extended, fingernails painted a sparkly dark violet. I looked at them for a while, considering.

Finally, I used my ungloved hand to fish them out, placing one between those outstretched fingers and poising the other between my own.

“Thelma & Louise,” I said.

He looked at me, brows rising as he hung the cigarette between soft, pinkish lips, “Huh?”

“It’s more like Thelma & Louise,” I corrected, “Harold loved Maude, we don’t love each other, we’re just two buddies getting out of a shitty situation.”

He smiled, holding the cigarette between his teeth as he fished a cheap plastic lighter from his jean pocket. “Buddies, huh?” he asked.

“That’s what you called it—a bite-it-buddy,” I said.

“One of my better ideas, I think.”

The familiar hiss of the flint sounded from his lighter as he lit his borrowed cigarette, his borrowed time—time he borrowed from me that he had no intention of returning. After lighting his own, he offered the orange flame out to me and I leaned forward to catch it, watching his hand illuminate in the red glow of the igniting cinders.

After that, we smoked in silence for a while. I removed my other glove and put it on top of the one that still rested on the ground.

“Leaving those behind?” he asked me.

“It’s my suicide note, I guess,” I said, “Not that anyone will come looking for me but, you know, just in case. It’s got my name written in them.”

“What is your name, anyway?” he asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Guess not,” he relented, taking another drag. Silence stretched for a few heartbeats, drowned out by the waves crashing on the rocks below. “So how come you’re doing this?”

I shot him a bitter look. “Is this the part where you reveal you’re some kind of shitty negotiator trying to convince me not to kill myself?”

“Nah, guess I just thought we could swap stories to pass the time.” He shrugged, leaning back on his free hand, “Don’t have to if you don’t wanna.”

I smoothed a hand through my hair.

“I dunno, feels like I’ve hit dead end after dead end in my life. This seems like the only viable open road left.”

“If there was another open road, would you take it?” he asked.

“There is no open road.”

“I know, but like—if there was one.”

“There isn’t.”

“Shit dude, it’s like you’ve never heard of a hypothetical question before. Talking to you is like talking to a fucking wall,” he said.

“Whatever. What about you? Why are you kicking the bucket?”

He shrugged, taking another puff of his cigarette. “Seems like a fun experiment. Wanna see if I’ll end up in hell like all the bible thumpers say or if I’ll see a white light and meet buddha or some shit, I guess,” he said. “I’m just bored.”

“You’re killing yourself ‘cause you’re bored?”

“Is your reason so much better?”

I looked down at my cigarette, already half-way done. I lifted it to my lips and puffed conservatively at it.

“No. I guess it isn’t.”

We smoked in silence after that. I guess we were just making peace with whatever we considered God, grieving the potential of our lives. I don’t know if it was all the nicotine or the fact that I’d be going out with a friend, but my heart was light. Lighter than it had been in months. Like a drink of ice-cold water on a blazing hot day; a relief.

We finished our cigarettes, and he stood, holding out a hand for me. I took it and rose to my feet, dwarfed by his lanky build.

He gave me a sad smile and squeezed my hand.

“You ready, Thelma?” he asked.

“After you, Louise.”

We stood on the precipice, the angry black waters churning hungrily below. Our hands clenched so tightly, breaths coming fast and labored. I swallowed. My throat was so dry from all that chain smoking I’d done.

We didn’t need to time it. We didn’t need to count. At that moment, we were both sharing one soul with a common drive.

We plummeted.

Down.

                              Down.

                                                            Down.

The regret I felt was instant.

I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. Fuck everyone else, fuck the dead ends. I could make my own goddamned road. I was throwing everything away. And for what? Some mediocre punk band who didn’t deserve my music, anyway?

I heard my bones shatter and crack like thunder. Icy darkness blinded me.

Hell.

I was in hell.

But shit, at least I wasn’t alone. I felt that hand squeeze mine a little tighter. Felt the tickle of something. Felt the breeze.

The breeze.

It rustled in my hair, across my eyelashes. My eyes flickered and opened.

Above me was the dappled yellow-green light of sunshine through lush tree boughs. The tickle, I realized, was the lapping of warm waters against my exposed skin—the nipping of little suckling lips of golden-scaled fish. Through one ear I heard the lilting of delicate birdsong.

That hand I held so tightly released mine and moved to my shoulders, tugging me out of the water onto a moss-scented shore—onto his lap.

The man who looked down at me resembled my bite-it-buddy only loosely. His hair was blue, but it was pale and otherworldly. His moss eyes were verdant and brilliant like perfectly cut emeralds set in alabaster skin. Pointed ears pushed past his silken hair, laden with dangling earrings.

“Holy shit,” I breathed.

“Welcome to my realm, you depressing little shit,” he said, smiling down at me. “I hope you like the harp because I’m going to need you to learn it to entertain my court.”

“You better be fucking joking.”

He laughed, full and bright.

It brought a smile to my face.

“I’m sure we can come to a compromise,” he said, flicking my forehead. “You paid the toll. Here’s your open road.”

“Toll?”

“The cigarette,” he said.

“Pretty cheap fucking toll,” I choked out.

He shrugged. “I really wanted a cigarette.”

I shook my head.

“Are you sure this isn’t just some stupid dream?”

“Maybe it is—maybe this is just your brain getting you through your moments of agony before you fade into nothing,” he said. “You might as well enjoy it while you’re here.”

I looked up at him, looked up at all the color surrounding us, all the color that seemed to follow him like it belonged to him—heeded his beck and call. My manic pixie dream boy. Literally.

I thought to myself that a world with some color would do me a world of good.

“You know what? I think I will.”

[thepeanut]

— VALENTINE'S // FUJI • RYU

CONTEXT : fuji is part of a band, whom can clearly see his infatuation with a fellow student: ryunnosuke. thanks to the the leader and his best friend, fuji gets the courage to confess to him.

WARNINGS : swear word (near the end), otherwise none

A/N : happy (late) 1 year anniversary to ki (konnichiwa iro)! 🥳

EXTRA INFO :

ryunnosuke's nickname is ryu, and is often referred as tanaka by others

fuji will also be referred as tadao sometimes

______________________________________________________________

it has been 2 weeks. 2 weeks full of the band listening to fuji daydreaming and fantasising about ryunnosuke. except for work, fuji cups his face in his hands and talks about the boy all day.

it was now a wednesday, fuji and keido were both sat down next to each other in class. they had a quick break since they finished the work quickly.

“his ash blonde hair, his deep purple eyes, that beautiful small braid he always has and how he always looks so serious; i’m in love!” fuji sighed, yet again drawing another groan from his red-haired friend keido. “fuji, do you just plan on talking about him and just daydreaming? or are you gonna go and actually talk to him? because right now, nothing’s ever gonna happen if you keep this up. also, you’ve talked about him 5 times today! and we haven’t even gotten to lunch.” keido exasperated, said.

“hey! what, you don’t like me talking about him now? also, i can’t talk to him! he’s… way too busy, i think.” fuji, without giving a second thought, retorted.

“whatever, i just want you to actually be with him, instead of just looking from afar. he could get taken before you know it, so best act fast. wouldn't it be nice that you get to go out with him on your birthday too?” keido replied, hinting that this was the end of their conversation.

fuji thought for a while. she was indeed, right. it is getting closer and closer toward valentine’s day, his own birthday; there would be a chance that tanaka would be asked to be someone else’s valentine. it would be nice if he were to be able to confess to him on such a special day.

the bell rang, signalling that it was lunch time. fuji quickly went to his best friend’s boyfriend’s studio, where all his band mates were. as he arrived with his lunch, he could see that all the members were there.

in takeo’s - keido's boyfriend's - band, there were takeo, keido, himself, aiko, kiyoko, haruko (they were sisters), shinji, shou, and atsushi.

fuji truly, truly, loved his band with all his heart. they all accepted and supported unconditionally for what he stood for; he could never ask for any better.

yet again, fuji was fussing over the purple-eyed student to keido, who quite obviously had an expression of discontent.

"did you see him? the poor thing didn't have a lunchbox! if only someone could help him out; imagine if he starved! oh~"

that's right, keido thought. if only someone could help him. almost as fast as a spark, keido and takeo made eye contact: they were thinking the same thing.

rapidly, keido and takeo went over to the rest of the members, leaving fuji by himself in confusion. the couple bent down and started whispering to them.

"so you know how fuji's been talking about that tanaka guy right? well, me and keido figured out something. since tanaka doesn't have his lunch right now, what if fuji shared his lunch with him? we could just push him toward tanaka and boom, that settles it."

everyone did as they planned, and it worked. although not how the members thought it would work.

fuji stuttered throughout the whole moment as he tried to offer ryunnosuke his own food.

"it's fine, i can manage by myself thanks." the boy replied, leaving fuji to go to his friend.

the members were all confused; poor fuji! they all quickly went to help out him, worried he might bawl his eyes out any minute.

"it's ok, tadao, maybe he was just too nervous and wanted to avoid it?" aiko suggested, looking around others for confirmation.

"he's just a jerk! i've seen him act like that with everyone, don't waste your time with him" haruko advised.

fast forward to valentine's day, also fuji's birthday. as usual, his and his best friend's lockers were filled with love notes, each one filled with poems, gifts, flowers, etc. what caught fuji's attention the most, however, was the least decorated one; the letter that looked the most bland.

it had "TADAO" written in all caps, with nothing else.

fuji opened the letter carefully. a small piece of folded paper fell out. he bent down to pick it up and unfolded it;

meet me at the back of school by lunch.

see you there,

TANAKA.

fuji beamed, to the point where you would feel your lips falling off.

"keido keido keido, LOOK!" he shouted at keido, pointing to his newfound treasure.

"oh wow, lucky you, fuji!" keido smiled, hitting his shoulder lightly.

throughout the morning, fuji's head was clouded with the possible scenarios; tanaka confesses to him, he himself confesses to tanaka, tanaka does not show up, he gets there late, and so on. he could not stop daydreaming; it became a problem.

"tadao, do you know the answer?" his english teacher asked.

fuji looked at the board, hoping to find an answer.

"it's in your book." the teacher sighed, moving onto a different student to answer.

that was embarrassing, i'll just pause this and work. fuji thought, skimming the text in front of him.

it was finally lunchtime. fuji jogged toward the back door of school. there, he saw tanaka, waiting. in his view, tanaka seemed to be very gracious and patient through his movement.

"hello, erm, tanaka. sorry about what happened a couple of days ago." fuji greeted, plopping himself next to ryunnosuke.

"it's alright, so why did you invite me here?" the other asked, annoyance welcoming his face. in reality, though, ryunnosuke's heart fluttered at the thought of fuji confessing to him.

"pardon? you invited me here" fuji replied, pulling out is letter from earlier.

ryunnosuke then showed his own letter, showing "TANAKA" plastered on it.

fuji thought for a couple of minutes, and then realised; it must have been his friends, no wonder they were whispering at the back for a while.

he did not say anything though, and decided to take the opportunity, like how keido would have wanted.

"never mind that then, could i tell you something?" fuji quietly asked. ryunnosuke nodded, "go ahead."

"so, erm, would you like to go... i dunno, like a restaurant, or a cafe?" he, sheepishly, invited. the other noticed how fuji was fidgeting and shuffling his feet.

"are you suggesting a date, tadao?" ryunnosuke replied, smirking as he watched fuji's face turn red.

"of course not! unless if you want to, i mean." fuji rapidly denied. he frantically waved his arms around in embarrassment, the rosy hue on his soft cheeks turning even brighter.

it drew ryunnosuke in; in a way, it was enchanting. the way fuji's ahoge bounced as he would turn his head, how soft fuji's hands and cheeks seemed so soft to the touch; oh, how he longed for him. the boy would not admit it, but ryunnosuke has been waiting for a miracle like this to happen.

"don't worry about it. it's a date." he smiled, taking fuji by surprise.

"FINALLY! ALL THAT SETTING UP WASN'T FOR NOTHING!" a girl's voice exclaimed, from afar.

fuji whipped his head toward the sound. only then did he spot keido and takeo's clothes behind the trees.

"what are you doing here!!" fuji screamed. he jumped to his feet.

"oh my fucking god, I'M GONNA KILL YOU TWO! GET BACK HERE!" he shouted, as he ran straight at them.

ryunnosuke was equally bothered, but remained his composure.

he chuckled; he forgot to ask for his number.

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[euphoricfilter]

Hi, time for unofficial request ideas before I send a shorter version lol. I wrote this on another app and I’m kinda feeling too lazy to edit it nicely sorry lol. Hybrid panther punk pet mc and yandere punk rapper suga. Yandere mc too? Yeah prob. Or nvm and that she beats or tortures them until they’re almost dead but is too scared to kill. I prefer he’s the yandere and she’s really protective. He kills them after she goes away if there’s a good reason to. Can’t pick hm. Maybe smut is that she’s in heat and so he gets possessive and or jealous while they’re outside. Or either way around? Or both lol hm. Him patching her up even if it’s a tiny scratch compared to the enemy’s broken bones lol both are hybrids?? I like the pet idea with them both as humans or he’s human bc it’s more humiliating for the mc. But I want to see some variety and I like hybrids so why not have them both be hybrids. Maybe they’re both awkward at first. But she ends up loving to be spoiled and taken care of. And a lil vice versa. Maybe she patches him up on the rare occasions he can’t find a trusted gang doctor or member to do it bc he doesn’t want to look weak in front of her. Maybe Yoongi is a cat, tiger, cheetah. I kinda like cat the most but idk hm. Would a black cat make them look too similar or is that cute? I like the idea of her being a lil taller and kinda stronger than him but will submit to him. He’s smart and dominant. Strays who have to be in a gang bc the don’t/can’t find a human owner. Or hybrids only neighborhood with gangs. But their gang is poor. Maybe hybrids are pretty poor in general or not. Fight club/loans business mainly prob. Maybe Yoongi becomes a big gang leader. But he fakes his death after making sure he has enough $ for a stable life. Maybe passes his leadership to one of the bts boys or a random guy if the other bts boys want to get out of gang life for their lover or another passion. I prefer the latter hm. Or he becomes a big producer. Maybe all of that happens in that order hm. No drugs/prostitution/guns. (Or it exists but not mentioned. My morals/ethics lol hm) Only bare fist fighting bc that’s the honorable way to do it. But yanderes will kill for love lol. Everyone keeps one or two small weapons in case enemy used one first. Brass knuckles or dagger etc YES to hybrid ear piercings. I haven’t seen this before, that’s so interesting. The ears are usually extra sensitive so it’s considered cool to get them. (Oh no there’s the thing of whether hybrids have human ears or not too lol. I’ll say no) the other bts boys as the top members of his gang. Yoongi who is kind of a crazy asshole to anyone who isn’t in his gang. Maybe some hybrids instinctually love chaos, blood, violence, fire etc Loves mc, genuine with bts, but only plays nice for his own benefit with other gang members and other ppl. Mc is kinda similar but more cold except for with him. Maybe she gets a lil closer to the other bts boys after a while of seeing Yoongi being happy/soft with them. There doesn’t need to be a lot of gang/hybrid/world lore. I just want some and to see if Yoongi and or mc change as the gang gets bigger. MATING MARKS! I imagine they’d get it on opposite sides of their neck so the bites make a heart when they have their necks together. That’s so cute. Maybe it’s considered weak for a gang member to have a mate mark esp if it’s easily visible. But they don’t care and will more likely hurt/kill anyone who tries to flirt with the other despite the marks. Would mc’s mark be peeking over her collar? Hm. And it could be perfect heart shape or mc’s bite is a lil smaller in size. Origin story hm. Maybe he sees her playing in a small band. Or she sees him at a rapper event. Or she sees his gang. She has some fighting experience bc of the neighborhood and joins his gang for him and then they’re in love. Or she does boxing, goes to the gym or something like that and gets recruited by him, bts, or another gang member. Prob best if it’s him hm.

-🖤

I CAN WORK WITH THIS AND I LOVE IT

even if you just send punk panther reader x yoongi i to a shorter ask, i’ll add this ask to my notes so when i get round to writing it i can use it as reference and then the other ask is easier for posting

[ikkaku-of-heart]

@shambledsurgeon​ asked: It was nearly the day. The curse that was Valentines. Everyone was in an uproar over it, prepping for festivities and becoming more...mushy. It had him thinking on  certain types of interactions of crews. He lodged his question to his mechanic. "Hey, what are your opinions on relationships between crew mates?" He attempted to sound nonchalant. 

Unprompted

It was nice, grabbing coffee with her captain and enjoying a little downtime on a small island. Too bad it hadn’t been entirely comfortable. The place was utterly decked out in red and pink heart-shaped decorations in anticipation of the upcoming romantic holiday, and the server had none-too-subtly implied that Ikkaku and Law made a cute couple. A presumption they had both swiftly shot down. So while it was a strange topic, Ikkaku didn’t feel Law’s question completely came out of nowhere, especially considering the number of lovey-dovey couples they had watched stroll by the window.

“Honestly?” she asked, sipping her latte, lips quickly ruining the cinnamon heart that floated on the surface of the hot drink. “I suppose they can work, depending on the couple and the crew’s dynamics as a whole. I guess I can see how the closeness that comes on being part of the same crew, living on the same ship, always being together isn’t entirely unlike married life for some people. So, I mean, if it works for a particular couple, good for them.”

Another pair of lovebirds strolled past the window arm-in-arm, gazing into each others’ eyes so deeply Ikkaku wasn’t entirely sure how they didn’t accidentally walk into something. It was cute, but definitely not something she could imagine herself in. Not that she was opposed to a long-term relationship, but as she watched the couple disappear down the street, she realized that her own idea of the perfect relationship didn’t reflect what most society seemed to idealize.

“I don’t think I could do it, though,” she admitted. “Not with a Heart Pirate. The crew is too much like a family to me.” Perhaps in the very beginning she would have considered it. She had fostered a teenage crush on Law when she first joined the crew, though that had passed within a couple of weeks when she’d realized her infatuation was really because she’d never really experienced platonic affection and had confused the two. She was just grateful Law hadn’t teased her too badly about it after. “Like, I love you guys, but I spend my days in a pressurized metal tube living in close proximity with you all. There are plenty of times you drive me crazy or piss me off and I just need some fucking space. That closeness that might work for some couples? Yeah, I think I need the opposite.”

Putting down her coffee cup, Ikkaku rested her chin in her palm, gazing at one of the red heart-shaped balloons that decorated the café. “I barely get my own space as it is on the Tang. If I was in a relationship with someone on the crew, sooner or later they’d probably permanently want to move into my room, and that little space wouldn’t be just mine anymore. I sure as hell wouldn’t have anyplace besides the engine room to cool off if I’m pissed. But more than that...fuck, a relationship would make things awkward, wouldn’t it? Like, fights would be the whole crew’s business. There’d be that much more pressure to fix things right away because it could fuck up everyone’s teamwork, but since we’d be rushing they wouldn’t be real fixes - just slapping a Band-Aid over the issue instead of genuinely working it out. And if we ever broke up...”

That was definitely the biggest issue. Ikkaku was an incredibly loyal woman and didn’t get into relationships lightly, but she also had a hot temper and could be stubborn and sometimes petty. A break-up with her had the potential to be messy in normal circumstances. But with a crewmate, with how badly such a thing could turn out if she did go that route, it would be ten times worse than with someone on another ship where at least they could part ways and there might at least be time for her to cool off before they saw each other again.

A harsh reality hit her, and Ikkaku’s shoulders slumped. “No. We wouldn’t break up. Not unless they turned out to be some abusive asshole because I know for sure you’d fucking kill him if that were the case, and I don’t think that counts as a break up, really. But that’s pretty fucking unlikely with our crew, so instead I’d just be...bored, I guess. Bored and miserable because I’d feel guilty about breaking up with a crewmate for anything less than being beaten half to death every night. All because my nakama mean the world to me and breaking up with one potentially puts everyone in a bad position. Because with break-ups it’s inevitable that people would have to take sides. The crew would be divided. It would be tense and awkward and we’d all be trapped together while it festers. So I’d force myself to grin and bear it and pretend to be happy because I’m willing to admit I’m the exact kind of stupid who puts others’ happiness first and sets herself on fire to keep others warm.”

With a sigh of acceptance, she shook her head ruefully. “I definitely couldn’t date someone on the same crew. I got nothing but respect for people who can, because they’re clearly a lot braver and more stable than I am. I think I’ll stick to long-distance, definitively non-Heart Pirate relationships for everyone’s sakes.”

[theoreticslut]

「 if this is the end 」

fred weasley x reader

summary: fred overhears you say something about leaving & gets upset.

requested: yes - as part of my inspiration party

word count: 2.2k

warnings: band au, angst, raised voices/arguing, slight physical restraint, fluff ending

a/n: all i’ve got to say is i must be in an angsty mindset lately. i do kind of like how this fic turned out, but i know its not one of my best. i never feel like i do modern-ish aus justice. idk, i just don’t feel like i write them well in the slightest. i hope you like it regardless. feedback is appreciated!

lyrics from ‘a beautiful mess’ by yours truly

Sighing, you check your phone for the upteenth time. You guys were supposed to be practicing by now, but here you are waiting on fred.

As much as you hate to say it, this isn’t abnormal for Fred. Especially when he’s got a lady friend, because lord knows he’d never seriously date - no matter how much you wish he would.

“Dude, where’ve you been? We were supposed to start twenty minutes ago.” Oliver questions the redhead as he finally comes strolling into the garage.

“Sorry, mate. I didn’t mean to be late.”

“Course you didn’t.” You can’t help but mutter to yourself.

If Fred heard you, he doesn’t care to reply, which is fine by you. Although you’ve had a crush on him for the longest time, his antics have started to grow old. 

“You ready to start then? We’ve got a new song we’re working on today.” Oliver informs fred as he gets himself situated at his drums.

“Yeah. This the song?” He questions, picking up the sheet music sitting on his instrument.

“Mhm. Y/n’s got all the vocals on this one, we’re just doing backup. It’s all marked on the paper there.”

“Got it. Let’s go.”

~.~

“If this is the end, then I’m sorry that we met.” You sing, feeling the same emotion you had when writing the piece. You never thought it’d sound so amazing put all together though. 

Between your emotion, the heavy presence of Fred’s drums, and oliver & lee’s background vocals the song sounds far better than you could have ever imagined.

“I don’t wanna pretend, when it’s easier to forget. It’s a beautiful mess; nothing more and nothing less.”

“And I don’t wanna be friends ‘cause when the spark goes out i-“ you stumble, distracted by Fred mixing up a few beats.

“Fuck! Sorry, guys. I don’t know why that bit is so hard for me to get.” 

“It’s fine, Fred. We have been working on this for a while now. We could probably all use a break.”

“That sounds like a great idea, Ollie. Anyone want a soda?” You question, stepping back from the microphone.

At the guys’ various sounds of approval, you make your way towards the stairs leading to the house, knowing that oliver and his mum always keep sodas in the house.

~.~

“Y/n. Nice to see you, sweetheart.” Rene greets, smiling warmly as you close the garage door.

“Hi, Mrs wood! How are you?”

“Just lovely. How about you? That song you guys are working on, did you write it?” She questions, dropping whatever she was doing to talk with you.

Although you and Oliver had never been close, his mum took a liking to you and has almost taken you in as a daughter. You’re not complaining though, not when your own mother is the complete opposite.

“I did. What do you think of it?”

“It’s amazing, sweetheart!”

“Yeah?” You can’t help but question, feeling yourself blush lightly with her praise.

“Absolutely. I have to ask, though, was it written about someone in particular? Maybe a certain redhead?”

You can’t help but chuckle, feeling your cheeks flush more as you nod lightly.

“Yeah. Yeah, you could say that. I just…I can’t do it anymore, Rene.” You sigh, talking about the crush you’ve had on fred since you met him back in high school.

Of course Mrs. Wood knows all about it, though, having been your stand-in mum for a good four years, at least, now.

“Especially with everything potentially changing in the next few months.” 

“Did you hear back on the internship?” She questions, hopefully excited.

“I got an email the other day about it. They said they’d love to have me, but I need to let them know if I want the position for sure by this coming Monday.”

“Oh! That’s great, y/n! I’m sure you’ll love it. Plus it’s what you’ve been needing. You’ve been stuck here for too long, dear.”

“I know. I know, but is this really the best thing for me? What if I hate it? What if I find out that I’m not cut out for it?”

“Then you move on to something else. Just because you take this job, doesn’t mean you’re married to it.” She states, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.

You sigh, nodding as you take a seat at the kitchen island.

“I don’t know. I want to do it, but I also don’t want to leave them.” 

“Y-you’re leaving?” A voice cuts between the two of you. Without even looking you know it’s Fred.

You look to Mrs wood in slight terror, but she only gives you a warm smile and a small wink before excusing herself from the room.

“Y/n…are you leaving us? Are you leaving the band?” Fred asks, walking over to you so you have to look at him.

“I don’t know, Fred. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I’m on a deadline to make my decision.” You sigh.

“Let me make it easier for you - stay.”

“Seriously, Fred? I wouldn’t have considered leaving if a part of me didn’t want to go. There’s things here that I’m not sure I can handle anymore.”

“So you just want to run away from them?”

“I wouldn’t be running away. Good god, Fred. If I left it’d be in search of better things.” You huff, getting up from your stool to grab the sodas from the fridge.

“But you’d still be running away from these things you can’t handle.”

Letting the fridge door shut a bit loudly behind you, you start to head back down to the garage, not wanting to argue with fred right now.

“You’re running away right now.” He points out, following you down the stairs.

“I’m not running. I’m just not giving my energy to something that doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t matter?”

“This conversation doesn’t matter. Just let it go, Fred.” You sigh, nearly shoving his soda into his hands.

Making your way to the bottom of the stairs, you go to hand Oliver and Lee their sodas.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ollie asks, not missing the frustration and tiredness in your features.

“It’s nothing, Ollie.”

He frowns at you, knowing how you like to ignore and bury your emotions.

“I’ll tell you later. Promise.”

“Why don’t you tell him now, y/n? Or are you going to keep it hidden until you’re already gone?” Fred cuts in.

“Oh my god, Fred! I told you that nothing is set in stone yet. Besides, why does it matter if I leave? It’s not hurting you any!” 

“You’d be breaking up the band!”

“How so? I’m just a vocalist, Fred. You three are the ones who actually make the music, and I know you’re all more than capable of singing.”

“But all four of us started this band.”

“And you three can still keep it going without me. Again, I’m just a vocalist.”

“It won’t be the same though!”

“So?! Things change, Fred. And sometimes it’s for the better. Who knows, maybe without me you three will get big!” You shout back at the redhead, voice cracking as you hate that thought.

“Hey, let’s take a breath. Is this about that internship you were telling me about?” Oliver asks, placing a hand on your shoulder and pulling you into his side as you try to catch your breath.

“Unfortunately.” You mutter.

“So you heard back then?” He questions, focusing his attention on you as Fred simply watches on.

“They want a definite answer by Monday.” 

“That’s great, y/n. I knew they’d like you!” Lee congratulates. 

“You both knew?” Fred asks, face falling in disbelief.

“We were waiting to hear back on if they wanted y/n in the first place before we were going to tell you.” Oliver sighs.

“This is a huge opportunity for y/n. She’d be working alongside big record producers and could get her name out there.” He explains, rubbing comforting circles on your back as you fight back tears from the wave of emotions you went through.

“You know y/n, though. She was going to forgo getting her name out there to get ours out instead. No matter how much we’ve tried to convince her otherwise, she’d rather our dreams come true than hers.” Lee speaks up, shaking his head at you.

“You guys deserve it. You’re the heart of the band.” You hiccup.

“How blind are you?” Fred questions.

“Excuse me?”

“We’d be nothing as a band without you and your voice, y/n.” 

“Well you’ll have to learn how to be. If I’m working with the producers, I can’t be in the band.” You argue.

“You know you can be, y/n. You’re only saying that because of the other issue at hand.” Oliver states and at the moment you wish you could hate him.

“What other issue?” Fred questions.

“Well-“ Oliver starts before you cut him off.

“Don’t you dare, wood. I’ve told you to stay out of it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“And I have stayed out of it, but honestly, I think it’d help a lot if you’d just be honest.”

“It won’t make a difference! If it does it’ll just be out of pity. I’m not doing that, so you’re going to keep your mouth shut about it.” You threaten.

“What is going on?” Fred asks, confused by the entire situation right now.

“Y/n likes you, man. As more than a friend.”

“OLIVER!” You cry, not believing he’d go against you like this.

“What?” Fred deadpans, and you’re sure he’s trying to find a way to make this out to be a joke. He doesn’t, will never, like you the same way.

“Yeah, but you’re too blind to see it. Instead you keep flaunting the fact that you have a new girl every week.” Oliver sighs, keeping his hold on you as you try to leave the situation.

You don’t want to be here right now. You can’t be here when Fred says he’ll never see you in the same way. You don’t want to see him feeling guilty and saying anything he can to make himself feel better.

Unfortunately, Oliver has a strong grip on you and isn’t letting you leave.

“Y/n…” Fred starts.

“No. Just keep it to yourself, please. I can’t hear you say what I know you’re going to.” You state as you keep fighting against Oliver to let you go.

“Y/n, I like you too.” 

With those words, all fight leaves your body and all sound seems to leave the garage.

“You what?”

“I like you too. The only reason I was with a different girl every week was because I was trying to find someone that could help me forget about the girl I couldn’t have.”

“I didn’t think you liked me, and I didn’t want to chance the band or any of our friendships by telling you how I felt.” He admits, watching as you try to make sense of his words.

“You’re not just saying this to spare my feelings?”

“Not at all. Lee can corroborate for me.”

“I can. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent on the phone with him because he was fawning over you.” Lee pipes up, having been watching the entire situation unfold.

“So you actually like me? As more than a friend.”

“I really like you, and definitely as more than a friend.”

“O-okay.” You murmur, your mind running in circles with this new information.

“So, what’re you thinking, y/n?” Oliver asks.

“I don’t know.” You admit.

“If you want to take that internship thing, I think you should. On one condition.” Fred states.

You hum, looking up at him as you try to figure out what his condition could possibly be.

“You stay in the band with us.”

“Yeah. Lee and I already told you that we’d be more than willing to move out there with you so we’re all together.” Oliver reminds you.

“What do you say, y/n? Take the internship but stay in the band with us. If we get big, we want you - I want you - with us.” Fred says.

“Alright. So I guess I’m telling them I want the position?”

“If you don’t I’m going to be a little disappointed in you.” Oliver states, chuckling as he sends you a smile before kissing your temple.

“Okay. Thank you guys for being supportive of me.” You smile, looking between Lee and Oliver.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Fred.  If I’m being honest, I was trying to use it as a means to run away from my feelings. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright. I get it, and I forgive you. I’m just glad we both know how we feel now. I’m sorry it took a fight to bring them to light.” He apologizes, frowning lightly.

“I’m just glad it all worked out in the end.” Oliver chuckles. 

You nod, smiling up at him before looking over to Fred, his eyes already on you with a smile on his face.

You always knew it was a bad idea to have a crush on your band mate, and yet you still agreed to be in the band alongside him all because he was still your friend. At least your crush on him has yet to break the band apart, but you’re sure it’s only due to the fact he happened to have a crush on you too. Either way, it seems that things can only get better from here.

join my new taglist!!

hp taglist: @eunoia-kth @omghufflepuff @impulse-anchor @d22malfoys @jrj2 @luvshack @oliverwoodmarrymepls @chewymoustachio @axen-gers @pineapplesandpinas @mollysolo @hpotterwhore​ @teenwolfbitches28 @justmesadgirl @jackys-stuff-blog​ @inglourious-imagines @perfectlysane24 @pandaxnienke @celestialmage23 @accio-remus-lupin

fred weasley/weasley twins taglist: @darthwheezely @horrorxweasley @onlyfreds @rebeccaelizabeth @daedreamss

[ifancyharry]

Close as strangers

Harry hurried down the hallway all the way to his room, sliding the key card against the key-reader, unlocking the door and pushing it open with his palms pressed against it.

He quickly removed his shoes, tossing them near the door, before plopping down on the hotel bed, his back against the headboard.

He fished out of his skinny jeans his phone, grimacing at the screen that read 3 missed calls from ‘Angel <3’.

He sighed as he unlocked it, typing hurriedly the number he knew by heart on the keyboard, and putting it on speaker, too tired to hold the phone to his shoulder for the call.

He waited for her to pick up as he listened to the incessant ringing of the line.

“Pick up, pick up” he whispered, biting at the skin of his thumb to suppress his sighs.

He knew he was late. And he felt like he could only imagine the disappointment YN felt when he didn’t answer her call.

He and YN had picked out a specific time throughout the day where the both of them had to be available. No matter what the other was doing, at 7 o’clock they had to answer the phone, which was a pretty understandable rule, and Harry had found it easy to comply to it at first, excusing himself to take a call or getting covered by his band mates if he couldn’t make up an excuse quickly enough. But with time, his schedule had gotten really busy.

And he sometimes missed her calls.

He wasn’t the fresh out of XFactor sixteen year old he’d been when they first started dating. He was Harry from One Direction now, and despite him feeling as the same shy guy that worked in a bakery, life around him had changed, and with it, his relationship.

He knew how she was; he knew she wasn’t answering because she was upset. And Harry really didn’t blame her, but he just didn’t find it reasonable to be upset (“stubborn little thing! — he’d say, once she had calmed down and answered the phone — It doesn’t benefit neither of us if you don’t pick up ‘cause you’re mad!”).

He rolled his eyes once the line went dead, and opened the text app instead, typing quickly with his fingers.

Baby pick up I wanna talk to you

After a couple of minutes, he wrote again: please

I miss you

And after that, he tried the line once again. This time, she picked up after five rings with a small “hello?”, her voice sounded croaky distorted from the phone.

“Hello angel. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.”

“It’s okay”, and Harry felt her sigh through the phone, “i was thinking we should push back the calls until you’re back…”

“What?”

“I know you’re pretty busy,” she said, sternly, “and I don’t want to bother you.”

“What?” Harry repeated, and once he realized he already asked that, he cleared his voice and said: “you could never be a bother”.

YN couldn’t see him but she knew he was shaking his head. She tried not to picture the frown in his brows and the pout in his face, otherwise she couldn’t possibly keep going.

“Things are different now—”

“No.” He cut her off, “don’t say that, angel. Nothing’s changed. It’s still us.”

“Harry” she softened her tone to make sure he really understood her, “it’s still us. — she nodded firmly to herself — I think it’s best if we stick to texting for now. It’s okay.”

“Okay… okay, if that’s - if that’s what you want. Okay.”

“It’s better this way” she sighed once again and Harry felt her breathing through the phone, her shaky breath loud in his ears as if it were his own.

“But we’re good, right? Tell me we’re good.”

“Yes, of course we’re good.”

Harry nodded, staying quiet as the words she’d just spoken lingered in the air between them. Despite being so far away he could almost feel her right next to him as she kept talking, unaware of the heavy weight he felt on his chest making it a little harder to breathe, the sudden realization that maybe they weren’t good after all.

Hi lovelies!!! I was cleaning my drafts and I saw this thing I wrote ages ago, based on Close as strangers by 5sos. Lmk if it’s something you’d like to read and I will publish the whole thing!

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

ABO Dynamics.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts. 

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1

 Chapter 2

I wrapped the white wool shawl tighter around my shoulders. The night was still chilly and the and smelt faintly of impending rain. Why they would plan a party outside while it rained, was beyond me.

After my little skirmish with Jungkook, I had found Namjoon quickly only to be told that we couldn’t leave for another hour at least because there was a  certain investor who wanted to meet Namjoon . The guy was running late and he had to wait for him. So here I stood, shivering lightly, all while keeping an eye on my husband as he got progressively drunk.

Namjoon’s words made me sigh a little.

“You can’t decide what someone else’s normal is, Namjoon. Especially when it comes to grief.  But the drinking is an issue. And you’re right about the therapist. I know she’s doing her best but I’m not sure if she has the right answers for him. Or even the right tools to help him.”

“I’ve been searching up on therapists who specialize with alphas. There’s one in Itaewon , his name is Kim Taehyung. I really think he could help. He’s an alpha himself.”

“That sounds good. Betas may not fully understand alpha mating bonds or what it’s like when one of them dies. Taehyung may have a better understanding of what Jungkook’s going through.” I nodded, a little hopeful. 

Therapy with the beta lady the hospital had recommended wasn’t really helping Jungkook the way it ought to.

Namjoon hesitated.

“Would you be willing to go with him? Taehyung insists a family member stay in the waiting room just in case...” he asked gently. I turned back to look at my husband, leaning on the mahogany countertop of the bar, fingers curled around a glass of whiskey.

“And I’m the one you want to consider for that? That’s ridiculous. Jungkook hates me.” Did I really have remind him of this salient fact? 

“I’ve offered to, before.  He doesn’t want me there." I sighed as Jungkook threw the drink back with ease.

“That was three months ago though. Things have changed now right?” Namjoon prodded.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“Not between us they haven’t. He’s spending more time with Mina and he isn’t throwing stuff around but he still loathes me.”

“He loathes what you represent: his own shortcomings and failures. Your father wasn’t kind in his approach and you are a reminder of all the things he can’t control.”

How fucking unfair,  I thought playing with the tiny  ring on my finger ( or should i say handcuff really? ), my wedding ring , the platinum band engraved with my husband’s name, a drop of his blood embossed into the metal. 

An archaic tradition, that carried no meaning in modern Seoul but the idea of it was still alive and well. The idea that what we had was a blood bond, imbued in our veins now.  An alpha’s connection with a beta or an alpha mate was usually quite fragile. But an alpha and omega mate bond. That was supposed to be powerful. 

Unless the alpha was still phantom bonded to a dead wife , that is. It was odd thing. Mate bonds had to be mutual to work. So there was no bond between Jungkook and I . We didn’t have any feelings for each other of course. But wearing someone’s blood on yourself changed that . it forced a bond that wasn’t there. It was ancient magic and it worked on my kind. Not on his. 

How fucking unfair because it wasn’t like I could control any of this either? 

I grimaced. I had thought of taking the ring off 

“Ouch.” I said with a smile. Namjoon waved off my self pity with an eye roll. 

“You know what I mean. Even for an Alpha, Jungkook has always held on to his pride. Losing his wife and his company all in the same week probably left him feeling incredibly helpless and your father browbeat him into this whole thing. Of course he isn’t going to be eager to share heart to heart talks with you. ”

I held my hand up. 

“I know all that Namjoon. I was there, remember? And I’m not blaming him for any of that. Trauma makes you do shitty things and I understand that . I also understand that if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t behave the way he does now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want to get help, I’m kind of helpless myself, you know?”

Namjoon reached out and squeezed my hand.  

“I’m just asking you this because , he does listen to you at times. I’ve noticed it. He doesn’t outwardly agree with you but he takes your opinions into consideration. And, Heejin you live with him and you’re the one who managed to convince him to start scenting Mina. ”

And God, how exhausting that had been. I had kept at it because Mina was so young and she needed her father’s scent to grow. And while i could be persistent when necessary,  I couldn’t work miracles. 

“Namjoon oppa, “ I said softly, trying to explain myself without sounding like a horrible human, “  I don’t hate Jungkook. Far from it. I want him to get the help he needs and I’m here for him. If you can convince him to go see Taehyung and he’s okay with me coming along, I won’t say no. Mina needs him and there’s nothing I would like more than for him to get better. ” i smiled a little, “ But he’s still going to have to be the one to make that choice. i can’t make it for him.” 

Namjoon nodded.

“ Fair enough. Well,  I’ll talk to him about it. We’ll set something up. Thank you for not refusing Heejinah. I know it can’t be easy for you either. 

I opened my mouth to respond but out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of someone, staring intently right at me.

 I turned sharply, eyes locking with those of Kim Yugyeom and I stiffened, stepping closer to Namjoon on instinct.  Yugyeom smirked, winking at me. 

I shuddered in disgust. 

Creep.

Namjoon followed my line of vision and swore.

“This motherfucker.” He made to move towards him. and I grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his forearm. The last thing i wanted to witness was an alpha alpha showdown in the middle of a party with me in the middle. 

“Please, no. Don’t make a scene. It’s what he wants.”

“Jungkook has the shittiest friends on the planet.” Namjoon shook his head and I couldn’t agree more. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mina’s appointment with the doctor went about as expected. She was right on time with her milestones and I sat in the waiting office for a mere twenty minutes before being called in. The doctor, an alpha named Min Yoongi gave me a small smile of recognition before flipping through the pages of her file.

“ Jungkook didn’t come along?” He asked casually, grabbing a pen and making a note of her weight and length before plotting it on the small graph. She was a little on the smaller side but she was growing well. 

“He’s busy...” i said with a shrug, “ So I still keep giving her the polyvisol supplements?” 

Yoongi nodded, “ The nurse will fill in the prescription for you. Are you sure he’s busy? He called me last night and told me he wanted to come see me?” 

I blinked. 

“He did ? “ I couldn’t quite process this. 

“He wanted to talk about how she’s doing and I told him he could come in for her appointment today.”

I imagined a world where Jungkook actually spoke to me, instead of forcing  me to navigate stormy waters on rotten plywood. Nine more months, i told myself firmly, already digging for my phone. Nine more months and I would be out of this living hell I’d gotten trapped in. 

“Can I try calling him? He’s probably forgotten. I think he might regret missing out.” I begged and Yoongi gave me a small smile, waving me off. 

“Of course you can Heejin-ah and tell him that if he wants I can drop by at the office and talk to him as well.” 

I nodded quickly , moving out to the waiting area while the nurses held Mina, soothing her before getting her ready for her shots. I tried calling him and not surprisingly he didn’t pick up. I called his office next and Jungkook’s secretary picked up the phone .

The woman hated me. 

“He’s busy.” She said curtly.” He’s specifically asked me not to bother him with stuff that isn’t important.” 

Her whiny voice grated on my ears and i bit my lips to keep the irritation in. 

“Since when does his daughter make that list, Ms Lee?” I said calmly and she hesitated. 

“He’s in a meeting right now and-”

“I’m in the hospital with his daughter. I hope you’re willing to take the heat when he finds out that you wouldn’t let me get through to him. “ I said casually. 

It was a twisted version of the truth for sure. Meant to imply that Mina was hurt in some way. But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it much. I had enough on my plate without dealing with twenty year old secretaries who fancied themselves in love with their hot boss. 

 “I... just a moment, Mrs. Jeon.” 

I loathed the name. It wasn’t mine. It was hers and I felt like a thief every time someone addressed me that way.

After two minutes, Jungkook’s  familiarly low and perpetually exhausted voice came out ,

“Hello? Heejin?” He sounded listless and his voice just a little slurred and i groaned. 

“Please tell me you aren’t drunk.” I whispered. 

“I’m not. “ He said shortly. “ What’s wrong? What happened? Is Mina alright? ”

“Did you tell Yoongi that you were going to meet him today?” 

He was quiet for a second. 

“i’ll talk to him.”

He hung up and I stared at the phone. I realized that I shouldn’t have called him in the first place. Should have asked Yoongi to call him himself. What was wrong with me? Even a few syllables exchanged with Jungkook felt like staring into an abyss . 

I moved back to the clinic , just as Mina plaintive wail filled the room. The shots were done. It took us another thirty five minutes to finish filling her prescriptions and for Yoongi to finish examining her. She was already dozing off and I wasn’t supposed to feed her for another thirty minutes so perhaps the nap would do her good.  I had just finished settling her into her Bjorn carrier  when Jungkook’s voice came from the entryway. 

“Is this the way to Dr. Min’s office?” 

I glanced back to watch him . He looked ridiculously handsome in a three piece suit, jacket thrown over his arm and hair lightly damp from the misty drizzle outside. I saw the secretary’s mouth actually drop open and stay agape as she tried to process his questions. i could see the way his beauty had rendered her entirely witless and as someone who had experienced it first hand , i could sympathize, 

But Jungkook was beginning to look annoyed from the lack of response and i decided to give the poor girl a break. 

“He’s waiting for you.” I called out and Jungkook startled. He glanced up at me and for some reason he looked surprised. He always looked surprised when he saw me. As if i was just some monster out of his worst nightmares turning up in odd places . As if he couldn’t quite believe that i did exist in his life now. Unwelcome but impossible to avoid. 

“You’re here.” He said blankly. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Yes, i am. I’ve been here for three months now. “ i said shortly, before i could stop myself, “ Mina’s fine.  She just had her shots. I’m going to drive home and put her down for a nap. Do you want me to come with you ?” I pointed at the clinic. 

He hesitated before shaking his head. 

It was all according to script then. Jungkook would never include me in a single thing. Even if i was smack damn in the middle of the room with nowhere else to go. 

“Alright. i’ll see you after work.” 

“We’ll have guests for dinner today. ” He said suddenly. 

I stared at him, confused.

“For dinner??”

“ Sooah’s parents.” 

Oh, God. 

Wary of the extra nurses suddenly filling the room, the little whispers and the curious glances, i kept my smile even. 

“Of course. ” I bowed a little before turning on my heel and walking away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sooah’s parents were, for lack of a better word, selfish . 

They had lost a daughter, so of course i could understand with their need to keep their daughter’s memory alive. But the way they chose to do it was unhealthy and borderline vindictive. 

" She’s growing well.” Mrs. Kim had the same statuesque figure as her model daughter and she held her grandchild with a slightly unsure grip and Mina felt the uncertainty in her grip, breaking out into cries at once. I stayed still, my throat dry from disuse. I hadn’t said a word since they came in. 

We were seated at the table, dinner was done. 

Jungkook sat next to me, staring straight ahead while his father in law tried to engage him in conversation. 

With Jungkook, the grief came in waves. Some days, the waves were small and gentle, like the ones that lapped at your feet on the shore of a tranquil lake. on those days e went about his day as usual, spoke to his friends and signed deals.  And somedays they were big, behemoths carrying guilt and accusation, crashing over his head with a vengeance. 

On those days , he looked like he’d been run over by a two ton truck. 

Today was just one of those days and i could sense it.

The man was going on an on about some charity that Sooah had been involved in as a young girl... Could Jungkook make a contribution in her name?. Could Jungkook pay for a concert of her favorite singer in her hometown..?  Could Jungkook possibly consider contributing to opening a foundation in her name? 

I could feel the urge to scream, grow by the minute.

 Each syllable that spilled out of her father’s mouth was aggravating, the sentences began and ended with her name, over and over over again and It felt terribly like she was standing right next to me, ice cold and dead but real and relentless at the same time. He spoke of her like she was still alive and i couldn’t fathom how that was healthy. How that was going to help Jungkook move on.

 If anything it made it harder for him to move on. 

And in a moment of chilling clarity, i realized  that this is what they wanted. 

They didn’t want Jungkook to move on from her. They wanted him to be consumed by her. In the wake of that realization , i felt anger surge. 

There was just enough hurt and heartbreak and pain and grief in this room without these idiots adding to it. 

“Jungkook is tired tonight, uncle.. Perhaps we can discuss this later.” I said finally, unable to bear it any more.

The man gave me a glare.

“I wasn’t talking to you girl.” He said sharply. I frowned. 

“We’re trying to help Jungkook. “ The woman said sharply. “ Unlike you and your father we do not prey on the weak. “ 

Jungkook shifted at the phrase and I glared at her.

“He isn’t weak. “ I snapped, resisting the urge to add on a you bitch , “He’s grieving . And what he needs is space to process his grief. Not you people trying to shove your daughter into his throat with every sentence. “

“Don’t you dare talk about our daughter!” Mrs. Kim snarled and i felt a headache come on.

“I thought that was why you were here? To talk about her? Or should I say use her as an excuse to get money out of him??  What you’re doing is unfair and awful!! . Jungkook isn’t ready to talk about this and one look at his face should tell you that, if you even bothered looking at anything except his wallet.” I shouted. 

“Heejin, that’s enough.” Jungkook said hoarsely and i bit my lips. 

Of course he wasn’t going to support me even if we were on the same side. Defending him, protecting him was exhausting and it was such a thankless job. i wanted it to end. 

“I think we should call this a night. please, just leave” I said sharply, standing up and reaching for Mina. She glared at me but handed the baby over. 

“You don’t get to make that decision. My son in law is who I’m here to see. You’re just the parasite that’s attached herself to him. You sit there in my daughter’s place and you dare disrespect me this way. ” The woman snapped.

“Its still my house. “ I gritted out. “ I’m married to Jungkook whether you like it or not and so i have the right to ask you to get out of my house.” 

“Heejin, stop.” Jungkook’s voice only made me angrier. He sounded drained and empty and still these leeches wanted to suck him dry. And he was too  blind to see it. 

“I’m done with this” I stood up moving to the small pack and play that sat in the corner of the living room. i placed Mina in and watcher her eyes flutter shut gently. 

i turned back to stare at Mrs. Kim.

“i want the pair of you to leave. Get out before I call security.” 

She gaped at me. 

“you had a wedding... that doesn’t make it a fucking marriage. “ she sneered. “ Its probably not even legal until you consummate it. So go ahead, call the cops right now. You think i wouldn’t take you to court. ??!! ” 

She was spouting absolute nonsense, probably driven by her own grief  but i wasn’t feeling particularly charitable tonight. 

“Why don’t you ask your son in law that? Ask him if the marriage was consummated or not...” I smirked. 

She faltered, eyes wide and disbelieving.

“No. You’re lying ...he wouldn’t.” She turned to Jungkook who looked at me with fury in his eyes. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said sharply and I scoffed.

“With me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with these idiots that they think they can come here and ask you to sign a fucking cheque when you’re still out here grieving for their daughter?!”

“You don’t know shit about them or her...” 

“I don’t have to. I don’t have to and i don’t care to either. All I know is that i married you and you’re my husband and whether you meant those vows or not, i did. I swore in front of my God and my family and I’m going to keep those promises. I’m going to protect you because I love your daughter . I’m going to protect you because you need to fucking live to be able to care for her. “ 

i turned to stare at his in-laws. They were staring at me, some of the fire dying out and in the span of a few minutes they somehow looked older . 

“You don’t deserve to be here.” Mr. Kim said finally, voice cracking and i exhaled. 

“And yet, here I am. And I’m not leaving. you are.” I said calmly. 

They stared at me for one more second before standing up and moving out of the dining space and into the hallways leading out. 

“We’ll call you later Jungkook-ah...” The man said before walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind him. 

The silence between us grew heavier as the seconds ticked. 

“We can’t decide how people grieve.” Jungkook said softly. 

I stared at him in disbelief. 

“You’re telling  me  that , Jungkook? Or did you forget all the times I indulged you when the only way you could grieve was apparently  by forcing yourself on me.” i snapped. 

His eyes widened , just a fraction before going blank again. 

He took a deep breath and went on. 

“They lost their daughter and they’re hurting. We can’t tell them they aren’t allowed to honor her memory...They’re clearly in pain...”

“Not more than you!” i snapped. “ You’re the one in pain here Jungkook. Your pain is so much more than theirs ..... Or may be it isn’t i don’t know.. But i do know that I can’t sit here and watch them bleed all over you when you’re cut just as deep as them.” 

“You don’t know shit about e!” He roared. “ Don’t you fucking dare talk about my grief like you can understand it...like you actually know what its like to lose the woman who had your fucking heart, because if you did you wouldn’t have agreed to this fucking marriage...you wouldn’t be here in this room with me, intruding on my grief and my pain... “

The sound of his voice made my entire body freeze in fear. I stayed perfectly still, jumping when he crossed the distance between us and grabbed my face, fingers curling around my jaw. 

“ You want to know how i wanted to grieve? I wanted to grieve in solitude!!! I wanted to grieve without some fucking stranger hovering over my shoulder like a fucking plague!”

I exhaled shakily, fingers trembling as i reached up to hold his wrist, my entire jaw throbbing with how hard his grip was. 

“It’s the price you pay for getting your company back. Jeon Jungkook. “ I choked out.” Or did you forget that marrying me is the reason you aren’t homeless on the streets “

He laughed a little yanking me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You’ve learned to talk back these days...” He muttered , “ I think I preferred the girl who hid in the nursery for the first three weeks of our wedding.” 

“I wasn’t hiding . I was avoiding you. Because your misery was contagious and i didn’t want any of it on me.” I snapped and his hold on my waist tightened. 

“Are you trying to make me angry? ” He snapped, fingers curling on my waist and I swallowed the whimper of pain that threatened. 

“Maybe i am... Maybe anything is better than watching you walk around this house like a corpse. You’re alive so I don’t see why you act like you died with her.” 

He growled at that, eyes blazing as he stepped back enough to stare into my face. 

“You’re right... I didn’t die with her. Although i wanted to...Maybe if i wasn’t such a fucking coward, i would have gone through with it.  .” He laughed and I felt my heart go ice cold at the very thought of it. 

“You didn’t die... So why don’t you get some help. There’s no shame in getting help... Taehyung...”

“I don’t need help. i need to be alone.” He snarled. “ I need to be allowed to cry and mourn my wife the way I want to but you and your father made sure that i couldn’t.”

I sighed, looking away in defeat. 

“Fucking look at me!” He snarled, hands grabbing both my arms and yanking me forward. “ Why won’t you look at me huh?  is the guilt finally catching up?” 

“No. No guilt. Just loathing and resentment.” I snapped back and he laughed again.

“Well too bad. Because you know what? You’re right. I paid for my company with my right to grieve and you...you paid for my name with your right to say no . “ 

I swallowed as he yanked me away from the table, dragging me to the couch in the side. 

“ I never refused you a thing.” I choked out, breathing ragged as he shoved me into the soft leather surface, crawling on top of me at once. “ I only said no when you were drunk out of your mind. When you thought it was okay to fuck me and call me by her name.” 

He made swift work of the buttons of my blouse and I stayed still, arms lying by my side. 

“ Are you telling me you want this ? You expect me to believe you want my hands on your body?” He sneered, fingers moving up to grip my hair. “You don’t want this and you don’t want me....Just like i don’t want you either. i’ll never want you. ” 

“You don’t want me.??.. You have a funny way of showing it..”  I scoffed , staring right into his eyes rolling my hips up into his  , greeted by the hard press of his length against my thigh.   “ And to be honest i don’t give a damn if you’re still in love with her , all I want is my name on your lips if you want to get off with me. Because I’m not just a toy you can use to replace your dead wife. I have  a name and you should remember it.  "

He growled again, fingers squeezing hard against the back of my head till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“I hate you. “ He said clearly. “ I hate you and everything you’ve done to me.” 

“Everything I’ve done to you? Oh you mean save your life? Taek care of your baby girl like she was my own? Give you the chance to rebuild your entire career.? Turn you into multi millionaire again?  Good. Hate me. The feelings mutual. “ I snapped. “Now if you hate me so much why are you still here? Get off me.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, wife.” He sneered. “ Because like you said, I’ve paid for this.” He drawled, reaching down and squeezing between my legs. “And I’d be a pretty bad businessman if i don’t collect from my investments.” 

Before I could retort, he pulled back, just enough to grab me by the waist and flip me over on my front. I flinched when he grabbed my arms, yanking them back and trapping my wrists together in his fist at the base of my spine. My cheeks pressed into the leather couch, sticky and uncomfortable. 

i heard the sound of his zipper, the clink of his belt buckle. 

Coward. 

I shivered when he pushed my skirt up.

“Don’t enjoy this too much, yeah?” I snapped, “ You hate me remember?” 

“Easy enough to forget its you when I don’t have to look at you.” he retorted. 

He slipped one arm under my waist, lifting me up just enough for him to yank my panties down. 

“Just remember , you don’t get to blame the alcohol for this .” I sneered. “ You’re sober and clear headed and you’re hard for me. “ 

Somehow that seemed to bother him.

He stopped . 

I could feel the hesitation in his limbs. 

It made me laugh. 

“You know Jungkook, i took you for lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them.”

“What the fuck does that mean huh? I should put you in your fucking place for how insolent you are with me... ” he pressed down on me and i gasped when I felt his chest pressing into my back, his face inches from my own. I flinched when he sank his teeth into the mating mark on my neck. 

“it means that if you’re going to do this, if you’re going to talk big about putting me in my place like the big bad alpha that you are, at least own up to the fact that you’re attracted to me. ” 

“ You forget your fucking place, omega.”  he hissed, voice sharp and furious against my ear. “ Another word out of that mouth and i won’t be responsible for what i do.” I gritted my teeth when he curled his fingers around the inside of my thigh, parting my legs and settling in between. 

He pushed into me in one strong thrust and my eyes flew open in shock. 

“Fuck.... why are you so fucking tight...” He groaned and my shoulders began to throb as he fucked into me, setting a punishing speed that left both of us panting . We were too fucking would up for it to last any longer than a few minutes and yet, i could feel pleasure swell inside me, wetness seeping out of me and onto the leather couch beneath us. 

I wondered just how fucked up this whole thing was. Just how much damage were we doing to each other?? But it was hard to care too much about it, because even if though it was a terrible way to talk things out at least he had talked. It was nothing new....nothing earth shatteringly enlightening but he had said it all out loud and that made a difference. 

“You think you can come into my life and dictate how i fucking live.” He grunted against my ear, fingers tightening on my hair. “ it pisses me off.” 

“Everyone dies, Jungkook. People die and they leave loved ones behind but Life goes on. It has to go on. You can’t just pause life to grieve. Mina needs you.” I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears, the adrenaline from the argument fading and my body threatening to go limp as he drove into me at the same punishing pace. 

He didn’t respond, fingers closing around my throat and squeezing lightly instead.

“Save your platitudes before i decide that the warmth of your body isn’t worth the grate of your voice on my ear.” He snapped and I whimpered when he stilled, spilling into me. 

He stayed pressed up against me. breathing harshly against my ear and i waited till both our breaths evened out. 

“It’s not selfish to move on Jungkook. You aren’t insulting your wife’s memory by wanting to move on.  “ I said softly. ” Someday your heart and mind will agree with me. Whether you like it or not. That’s just how pain works, Jungkook. One day it’ll pack itself up and walk out of your heart in the middle of the night. You just have to hold on till then.” 

He didn’t reply, merely drawing himself up and off me. 

Once i heard the door to his bedroom slam shut i dragged myself up , thighs shaking and sticky. I grimaced at the mess on the couch. I stared at the packet of baby wipes on the table nearby and shuddered. That just felt wrong. 

I’d just have to go grab a washcloth from the bathroom. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On that weekend, we had another dinner to attend, this time with a few investors from out of the country or so Namjoon told me. 

Although we didn’t talk about what happened and he didn’t try to touch me again, things were subtly different. 

Something had changed in the way Jungkook behaved with me. There was a little less of the usual zombie like indifference and he actually seemed to be avoiding alcohol actively. It was a welcome change. But to make up for it, Mina went into a growth spurt. Which meant ten minute naps every hours or so with wailing sobs in between. 

i was exhausted. 

So much so that Jungkook told me that he didn’t want to pick Mina up from Seokjin’s place till the next day. 

It was a little past one in the morning when I finally trudged into the apartment. Jungkook wasn’t black out drunk but he was definitely a little loose limbed, eyes just a shade more glassy than usual.

“Tonight went well. I’m thinking the guy from Macau is definitely going to consider investing.” He muttered, gripping the door frame and taking off his shoes.

I toed my own heels off, feeling upset and bereft.

“Why would you tell Jin oppa that we’ll get Mina in the morning? She’s not used to being away the whole night.” I complained, feeling jittery and nervous because the house felt so empty and strange .

I didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jungkook without the buffer of his daughter between us. The house felt foreign, the walls seemingly closer together , the space to cramped.

Jungkook dropped his keys in the bowl and tugged on his tie, watching me carefully.

“It’s too late and Jin hyung said she was already asleep. He’ll drop her off in the morning. Just relax. Would you like a drink?”

I stared at him. 

What now? 

He looked nervous and a tad worried.

 Swallowing , I shook my head, turning on my heel.  

“I’m going to bed.” I was almost at the door to the nursery when he grabbed my arm, seemingly moving faster than I could breathe.

“Wait, Heejin… “ He stopped, worrying his lip between his teeth before sighing, “I… I need to say something..” He finished and I exhaled sharply.

I tugged on my arm but he wouldn’t let go.

“Jungkook , let me go.” I said sharply. “ I’m not in the mood tonight . You aren’t drunk now and I’m running out of reasons to excuse your actions.”

His hold on my arm relaxed but he didn’t let go.

“Namjoon hyung told me about that new therapist.... Kim Taehyung?? . I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said roughly.  

I sighed, defeated. It was expected and yet it stung. I wondered if perhaps I was just beating a dead horse at this point. But Mina deserved to have a father who loved her with all his heart and Jungkook’s heart was so filled with grief it had no place for his daughter. If there was any chance I could help change that, I would take it.

I tugged my arm away again and this time he let go.

I tried to smile encouragingly. it was hard because i was all out of comfort, my own exhaustion too overwhelming at the moment.

So I took a deep breath and reached out to lightly touch his arm. 

“Listen, no one’s asking you to make a decision tonight, Jungkook.” I tried to smile a bit more widely but it probably came out as a grimace, “ Just sleep on it and think about why you think it isn’t a good idea. Taehyung’s an alpha and he may understand you better. Think about it and you can let Namjoon know later.”

He didn’t reply, merely staring at me till I began to feel a little hot around the collar.

“Well, Good night then.” I made to turn away but he grabbed me again, this time by my wrist.

“Wait.”

Patience wearing just a little thin, I stared at him, waiting as he requested.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night. At the party last week. About you not being her mother.   I shouldn’t have said that.”

It was the first time he had apologized for anything.

It took me a second to even remember what he was talking about. 

“Alright. I’m not mad. And I understand why you said it. Its fine. And you’re right. I’m not her mother and I should be more careful. ”

He nodded and then stepped back.

“ I’m sorry. For a lot of things. ”  He bowed awkwardly and I could only stare at him, shaking my head. The apologies were somehow both welcome and abhorrent to me. 

They were the kind of apology you would offer a stranger. And that made them insincere because I wasn’t a stranger. I’d been through too much these past few months, to be treated that way. 

For now I could only accept them at face value. 

“ Its alright. Just go to bed Jungkook. And listen to Namjoon oppa . I know you don’t trust me but you should trust him. He only wants what’s best for you. ”

I sounded twenty years older than I actually was and grimaced.

"There’s one more thing. Can I... I need... “ He stopped and stared at the floor. 

I felt a huge sense of foreboding rise up at that. 

“Are you going to pull the i paid for your body card? “ I said bitterly. “ You made it very clear that i can’t say no. I don’t see why you’re bothering to-”

“You can say no.” He said softly. “ You can say no.” 

And then he looked up at with limpid doe eyes, shining with all the stars in the galaxy and I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all. 

“ And if I say no, where will you go? To a brothel? you’ll come back smelling like another beta or omega and you can’t come near your daughter till it fades. Which is what? A week? “ 

Jungkook didn’t say anything and I felt helpless. 

“Is that why you sent her away tonight?” I demanded and he looked genuinely surprised. 

“What? No. Of course not . i just...You looked exhausted. I thought you’d like a night off. And just... I don’t want to have sex. Can you just sleep with me. I just... I don’t want to be alone tonight.” 

“What’s so special about tonight?” i rolled my eyes already moving to his bedroom instead of the nursery. 

He stared at me for a few seconds, eyes empty in the dark of the hallway. 

I waited a whole minute before sighing. This was excruciating and my heels hurt from wearing heels all evening. i wanted to curl into the air mattress on the floor of the nursery , possibly lie sleepless till dawn and then drive down to pick Mina up from Jin’s place. 

“Jungkook , let’s just go to bed and forget-” 

“Its her birthday.” 

I barely heard him, his lips barely moved and his voice was so low. 

I stared at him. Not sure if I’d misheard. 

“What?”

“Its her birthday. “ He repeated. 

“You can say her name.” i said calmly. “ You’re not betraying her by saying her name out loud in front of me.” 

He went a little stiff at that and i wanted to kick myself for the remark. What a hypocrite I was. I’d reprimanded Namjoon for trying to dictate Jungkook’s grief and here I was , doing the exact same thing. 

“I’m sorry. God, Jungkook... I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that.  i didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me.. I... of course you don’t have to be alone. Should i call Namjoon oppa? Or Jimin?” I asked gently. 

“It’s Sooah’s birthday.” He was still staring at the floor, apparently he hadn’t heard a word I’d said. 

I had a sudden flash of memory, remembering that Jungkook used to sing. He had sung at his wedding seven years ago. Serenaded his wife as she walked down the aisle. I had been young then but i remembered thinking how evident his love was in every syllable sung .

Something i could hear even now, in the way he said her name. 

“Okay. What would you like to do? I... I can make seaweed soup.” I said softly. “ We can go see her if you like?” 

He stared at me. 

“I want to go alone.” He said finally. 

I hesitated. 

“I’ll drive you. i’ll stay in the car. You can’t drive.” I reminded him. 

Jungkook’s driver’s license had been suspended after one too many traffic violations. I drove him around often . 

He didn’t reply, staring out of the huge bay windows and i sighed. 

“Alright... Why don’t you go change  into something more comfortable yeah? i’ll get the soup going and we, “ i bit my lips, “ , I’m sorry, And you can go see her.  “ I smiled, before moving to the kitchen and grabbing the dried seaweed. I soaked it in cold water, before getting the beef, garlic, soy sauce, salt and pepper and the sesame oil from the cupboards. 

Ten minutes later, the soup was boiling away and I peered out at the door leading to his bedroom. I was still wearing the cocktail gown and my head was beginning to throb. I oved to the nursery and stripped quickly, slipping on my white t shirt and a pair of pink corduroy shorts. 

I would be in the car anyway.  By the time i finished taking off all my make up, the soup was done and Jungkook was slumped over the counter. He looked drained, more so than usual . In fact he looked notably worse than how he was ten minutes ago. 

Torn between the urge to draw him into my arms and the helpless knowledge that he would absolutely hate me touching him , i merely hovered near the stove, pouring the stove into a small airtight container. 

On a whim I moved to the cupboard  in the corner that housed all the crockery and threw it open. 

“What was her favorite bowl?” I said casually, staring at him. 

He blinked, staring at me like i was speaking a foreign tongue. 

“Her favorite bowl , Jungkook The one she always drank or ate from?” 

He swallowed but leaned his palms down on the granite countertop, levering himself off the tall stool of the kitchen island and making his way over to me. I stepped back, giving him space to peer into the depths of the black marble shelves. 

He finally stuck a hand in and drew out a pale yellow and mauve bowl , a little worn but intact. 

He held it carefully, running his fingers gently over the bowl, savoring the surface his wife had once caressed with her own fingers. I watched as his lips curved, a pale pale imitation of a smile but a smile nonetheless and I felt my breath catch in my throat. 

This was probably the first time he’d smiled in the three months i’d known him. 

My heart began to pound, a steady staccato that began rising in volume and i willed myself to stay calm. 

“I..uh.. I can wash it for you.” I said softly .

The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he stared at my outstretched hand like it was a snake . 

Face almost eerily blank he cleared his throat. 

“I’ll do it.” 

i watched as he moved to wash the bowl under the spray from the faucet and finished clearing up the kitchen. i grabbed a small bag to keep the sea wood soup in and held the bag open when Jungkook finished washing the bowls. He grabbed a fresh kitchen towel and carefully wiped down the moisture before wrapping the bowl in the towel and keeping it inside the bag, carefully. 

I smiled and zipped the bag shut. 

“Lets go shall we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I sat waiting in the car, staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, while the rain poured torrents outside the glass windows of the car. I felt unaccountably alone, like I was the only human being left on the planet. 

It had been a little past an hour since Jungkook had disappeared into the building that held his wife’s ashes. I wasn’t sure if i should give him a call. Had he fallen asleep in there. 

I told myself I would wait another hour and if he didn’t come out, I would go check on him. 

I dozed lightly against the window, exhaustion beginning to creep in. I wanted to sob at how tired i was. I could have gotten a full nights sleep, something i hadn’t had since the day I took Mina into my arms. 

But then, i remembered the tiny smile that had sprung up on his face and i grinned despite myself. That was progress wasn’t it? It definitely was. I was sure that if only Jungkook could be convinced to go meet Taehyung , the alpha therapist, things could get so much better for him. I wanted to have him at least halfway to being ..... capable of handling his own daughter, before i left him. if not the worry alone would eat me alive. 

I was just getting ready to perhaps climb over the console and nap in the backseat when my phone rang. 

I glanced at the dashboard, frowning. it was two thirty in the morning. 

Who?

I grabbed my phone from the bag and my heart leapt to my throat. 

“Jin? What’s wrong? What happened to her?” I could feel my heart threatening to give out, any number of terrible possibilities running through my head in a vicious loop.

“nothing happened, Heejin , take a deep breath... She’s just running a fever. it was quite low earlier but its hitting 101  now and I’m getting a little worried. I’ve given her cold baths and kept a wet towel on her but it doesn’t seem to be coming down.” 

“We’ll be there in ten minutes! “ i said quickly.

“I’m sorry, Heejinah, i don’t have any experience with babies and-”

“it’s alright...thank you for calling me oppa!” i hung up , already fumbling with the door and stepping out into the rain. i was soaked through in three second flat. What a day to wear a white t shirt. 

I ran quickly, stumbling a little on the gravel pathway and hoping to God i was going the right way. I ran into the foyer, the poor security guard falling asleep over his desk glancing up at me in sympathy. 

“there was a man here earlier?”

“Second floor third room.” He said casually.

I nodded, already rushing for the steps. I climbed the four flights of stair in two minutes, my heart threatening to give out. I found Jungkook in the room , kneeling on the floor and he looked at me in shock that swiftly turned to anger.

“Jungkook-” i gasped because the run up had robbed me of my breath. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He moved so quickly I could barely blink before he was right up in front of me. 

“Jungkook, I... We need...” I tried to draw a breath in but before I could form the words he grabbed my arm, so hard that I whimpered in pain. 

“I told you i wanted to be alone, what the fuck is your fucking problem?!” He snarled.

“Jungkook-” Before i could finish, he yanked me just a bit closer to him before shoving me out of the room with his wife’s portraits and the small ornate vase that held her ashes. 

it wasn’t that hard. 

He didn’t push me in a very brutal way. 

In fact it was probably with lesser force than what anyone slamming a door would use. 

But,

Jungkook was six feet two. He weighed a 170 pounds. 

I was a hundred pounds wet and barely came up to his shoulders. 

And it was just my luck that the wall opposite to the door had a large concrete and granite horse figurine placed right in front of it.  

I crashed into the torso of the equine, my bones rattling inside me and I whimpered when my wrist made contact with the hard surface, bending a bit out of place. 

I slid to the floor in a wet lump, trying to catch my breath and process what had just happened.

Jungkook stood frozen by the door horrified as he stared at his hands, as thought he couldn’t quite fathom what he had just done. 

A sharp burning pain began in my sides and I gasped out.

“Oh, fuck.” I swore. 

Jungkook moved to help me up but i was already crawling away from him, scrambling to my feet, ignoring the ache in my side.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, holding both my hands up. “ It’s Mina...she’s running a fever. We need to go get her.” 

“Heejin-ah, I’m...”

One more apology and i would officially lose it, i thought slightly hysterically. 

“its my fault.” I said sharply, “  I should have probably tried calling you from the car instead of barging in like this but Jin called and i got worried...I wasn’t thinking straight so I’m sorry about that... I think we should go get her as soon as we can.” 

“Did i hurt you?” He demanded , reaching out for me again and I nearly fell again trying to move away from his touch. 

“No.. No I’m fine.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure, we don’t have to go the doctor.?  “ He asked nervously, watching me carefully wipe down her body with the slightly damp wet cloth. I nodded, carefully squeezing the water out before dipping the towel in water again. 

“She’ll be fine. Her fever’s come down and with babies this young, its safer to care for them at home than to take them to a hospital.” I said casually, 

 “I wasn’t talking about her.” He said stiltedly. 

I blinked, staring up at him in surprise. 

“What?”

“I think we should go to the doctor. You fell hard. ”

“Jungkook what are you even on about?” I said crossly, steadfastly ignoring the pain in my sides. It was sharp and unbearable with every breath I took in but I was too terrified to go to the hospital and have them tell me I’d cracked my rib or something. 

Partly because that would be so inconvenient. 

Partly because Jungkook would probably go back to being a guilt ridden shadow of himself if that happened. 

“I’m going to call Yoongi hyung.” 

Before I could protests some more he was already on his feet, moving to the living room.

Yoongi arrived thirty minutes later , annoyed and sleepy, dressed in a soft white t shirt and stone wash jeans. 

“It’s four thirty in the morning , she better be dying Jungkook..” He rasped out near the front door and i flinched at the murderous tone to his voice. 

Suddenly , i hoped desperately that my ribs had cracked. 

Yoongi stepped in , staring at me . He took in the mess of quilts i sat on and sighed. 

“Come here and take your shirt off.” He said gruffly. 

I blinked, feeling blood rush to my face. Was he always this handsome? Hating the very unwelcome flutter of nerves, I moved to stand in front of him, grabbing the hem of my t shirt .

But the movement jolted my rib and pain sharp and lancing shot through my side. I yelped and dropped my hand again breathing harshly which only seemed to make things worse. 

I swallowed and Yoongi blinked, reaching out to gently grip my elbows. 

“Hey...relax ... “ He said gently. 

I felt the press of a warm chest at my back.

“Let me help hyung.” Jungkook’s voice rumbled through my body, his chin brushing the top of my head and he bent over me from the back, fingers gripping the hem of my shirt and carefully lifting it up to just above the curve of my breasts. 

Yoongi was staring at Jungkook over my shoulders expression unreadable. 

“So you do know how to act after all.” He commented drily and I heard Jungkook inhale sharply behind me. 

“Hyung...” He said sharply, and Yoongi merely rolled his eyes. 

“How did this happen?” He ran slender fingers all over my skin, feeling each dent and dip carefully. 

“I ..uh.. I sort of fell into a statue? It was made of concrete and quite heavy.” 

His face shifted into a frown. 

“Jungkook , tell me you didn’t push her.” He said sharply and I jumped a bit.

“No...he didn’t.” i said sharply and Yoongi ignored me , staring right at the alpha behind me. 

“I didn’t mean to.” He said finally.

“You broke her rib, kid.” 

I groaned in defeat. Behind me Jungkook stiffened.

“It was an accident.” I said sharply and Yoongi gave me an unimpressed look.

“If i had a won for every wife that told me that.” 

“It was my fault and-” I shut my mouth. I did sound like the poster child for abused wife in denial. 

“Relax... I’m not going to send your handsome husband to prison.” He chuckled. “ This time.” He added, giving Jungkook another glare. 

“It won’t happen again. ever. “ Jungkook’s voice shook a little. 

I sighed, already imagining the self flagellation that was probably going on inside the alpha’s head.

Yoongi’s voice drew me out of my head. 

 “Its not a break. It looks like a crack which is easier to heal. But i still want you to come in tomorrow. We’ll get it x rayed. Its going to take a couple of months to heal.” 

I gaped.

“Months?” 

“As long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. Now where’s the little one?” 

Yoongi dropped off a small bottle of pediatric paracetamol and told me to keep an eye on her temperature before bidding us goodbye. 

Once the door closed behind him, Jungkook turned to me , eyes wide and lips parted. 

“If you apologize , I’m going to throw this  at your face.” i said calmly, fingers closing over the neck of the ceramic vase on the table. 

Jungkook blinked. 

“I’m sorry. “ He said nonetheless and I sighed, pulling my hands away. 

How fitting. Neither of us could act out of character. 

Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything under the sun. 

I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt him in any way. 

“Just go to bed , Jungkook. I’ll be fine.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : As always the pain is here and probably going to get worse. But Jungkook seems to be turning mildly human so let’s see if he can keep that up. Also handsome pediatric doctor Yoongi as second lead because i like to torture myself. 

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[brimbrimbrimbrim]

I'm disappointed we didn't get to learn more about Eddie's band this season. Like who are the other members of corroded coffin? Does he only play guitar? Who writes songs? Or do they just do covers? Do they have fans? Groupies? How does he behave when with them??

Agreed! I’m pretty sure Gareth, Jeff, and the ‘Unnamed Freak’ are his bandmates. At least, according to the Wiki. But seriously, I would have loved to have seen more of them, just an episode where they play a gig would have been cool. Though, if I'm being totally honest, I’d watched 10 seasons of just Eddie Munson and his band and hijinks…

No doubt they got their own music, but judging how well Eddie played Master of Puppets after it only being out a few weeks at the time, I’d say they do covers too, and bloody good ones, it seems like.

I’d assume Eddie writes most of the songs since he’s used to writing campaigns. That creative juice gets him going, but they all seem like imaginative guys, so it’s really anyone's guess. Maybe they all work so well together that they collaborate on songs, even down to the lyrics.

Sounds like they don’t have many fans, let alone groupies. But I imagine Eddie, being the atypical, cute metal head, has probably pulled a couple times thanks to being a guitarist in a band. Not sure about the rest of them, maybe Gareth too, since Drummers usually get some good action as well. Whoever plays bass usually gets the short straw, though, and I can’t remember bass on that one scene in the Garage with Jason, who was the bass player.

I bet Eddie is just as bossy and in control of the band and his mates as he is running his campaigns. Maybe a bit more chill and laid back, but he is the lead guitarist, and that kinda goes hand in hand with some fat-headed ego shit, not that it’s not a good look on him most of the time. >_>

[joshstambourine]

A Seconds Glance

"Hi I have a request for either Josh or Jake 💛 can I get a story where they see a girl, either at school or they can already be famous in this, and is instantly enamored. I don't know if you've seen The Virgin Suicides, but if you have then something similar to when Trip sees Lux for the first time. I'm interested in how those two would go about getting a girl's attention when they have a crush.💕💕💕" - Anonymous

//Hi Doll! I can’t say I have seen that--- but I will try my best to write something that I feel matches the idea you had. 

I’m gonna be repeating this forever--- but again, I’m so sorry it took me so long to get this request out for you! I decided to go with Josh being in school for this one.//

Warnings: Cursing, awkward beans

Word Count: 1969

Synopsis: Josh had never really believed in love at first sight... but yet....

Josh Kiszka x Fem!Reader

The first day of sophomore year. For most this was just the start of another school year; a sudden reminder that a new binder or fun pencil case is exciting for all of 10 minutes when it comes to actual classes and work. But for Josh… this year felt like it was filled with possibilities. It sounds like some sort of stupid thing you'd see on a motivational calendar, but it really truly did.

Josh hadn't imagined for a second that he actually would have a chance in making music his career; and yet, he had spent all summer with his band mates playing for different occasions and pubs. All the while they were working, working hard on writing songs that they could be proud to play for others.

All of that said, Josh was returning to high-school this year with a new found amount of confidence and excitement; it showed in every step Josh took. His one hand held loosely on to the arm of his backpack, walking in time with Jake.

"But what do you think? Would it look good on me?" Jake inquired, fingers lightly playing with the mid-length pieces of hair on his head.

"I mean… I don't know…" Josh lightly starts, glancing at his twin and begins to take a good long look at him.

Jake's eyes widened just a touch, his expression becoming one that said, 'Well…?'

"Uh… honestly I don't really know Jake. I've never seen you with anything else than this." Josh admits, then snickers a little, "Except for that one time when we decided it'd be fun to take those scissors and---"

"No, that's fine, I didn't need to think about that." Jake immediately stopped him, his hand going to take a full dive into his mess of dark brown hair. 

"Cmon, it was really funny though. Ma really lost her shit when she saw your head like that." Josh continued to muse, hands folding into his pockets with the utmost of ease. 

Jake shook his head in a mournful way, "I can say I will never go back to a buzz-cut again… not without a fight."

Josh's smile never faltered, it was his laughter that changed, softening into a bit of a sigh as they reached the double doors at the front of the school. With a swing of the doors they both were making their way down the hallway to their lockers.

"Meet by Mr.Shapiro's class before lunch?" Jake questioned, to which Josh nodded. No matter which school the twins went to the teachers seemed to know that the best course of action was to keep them separated. That said Josh and Jake always had separate homerooms at least, through most of their time in school.

"See ya in a bit." Josh waved, taking a few steps back before turning on his heels and heading to his own locker.

Josh's excitement to be back in class showed on his face more than he probably would have wanted. A few pencils in his hand along with a binder filled with blank paper and tucked away dividers.  

As soon as Josh stepped into the class room his eyes were met with many familiar faces. Some of these people he had been in school with since kindergarten; like Meg, a rather tall blunt faced girl with long kinky black hair. She simply threw a peace sign Josh's way as he stepped through the doors; he eagerly returned it, bringing a small smile to Meg's lips. 

With some brisk steps Josh moved to place himself at the back of the classroom, just behind Meg. He threw his things on his desk without much thought. Despite there being a good number of kids he knew... there seemed to be equally just as many new kids. 

Leaning on his desk Josh moved closer to Meg, "Where the hell did these guys come from?" 

Meg's brow lifted as she leaned back a little, "Know the high-school on the east side?" 

"The one where you can get crack for super cheap?" Josh inquired, 

Meg's head bobbed, "They closed it down, so now we get half the kids that went there." She explains with her head resting on her hand in a bored way. 

"Oh shit really? That's a lot of kids---" Josh was quick to respond, glancing around the room. 

"Oh yeah... way too many in my personal opinion --- not that anyone cares." Meg mutters, beginning to click her mechanical pencil. 

Josh's eyes were still taking in all the new faces as he started to respond, "Wow aren't we positive today." 

Meg sighed, "Eh.... I'm just not excited, Justin and I broke up over the summer and I'll have to see him in history." She began to explain, "Things are just really tense, yknow?" 

She waited a moment for him to give some comforting... but still idiotic response, however none came. It finally got Meg to turn and look at him, as she did she immediately noticed that Josh's eyes had widened just a touch, cheeks dusted a light pink. 

Meg followed the line of his eyes to a beautiful young woman. The expression he wore was more than enough to tell Meg that she should move. 

Josh was so busy just... taking the new girl in that he didn't even notice Meg slip to the free desk to the side of the one she was previously sat in. Josh just couldn't put his finger on it, there was something... something so breathtaking about her. Was it her eyes? Or maybe how her hair fell around her face? He couldn't be sure. What he was absolutely sure of was that he had never had a moment in his life where he could hear music just by looking at someone. 

"Hey... do you know if this desk is free?" A new voice shook Josh. It was her. She was standing at a desk to his left with a bit of an awkward air. 

He was just so shaken. What did she say again? Something about a desk? Josh's lips parted, "Uh--- I uh, what did you--?" 

"No that one isn't open, but the one just in front of my dude Josh is, right Josh?" Meg interrupted, pointing to the desk ahead of him. 

"Oh y-yeah, that one's open! Definitely 100% open! It couldn't be more open even if it tried!" Josh started spouting, he really wasn't even aware that his mouth had moved, and that was clear in the fact that it just kept moving when she had come to sit down. "Do you need any pencils at all?? I have like 20!" He continued, though his hand held one full sized pencil and one shorter than the average person's pinkie... both chewed on. "I mean not on me but--- who needs a pencil right?" 

The girl laughed a little awkwardly, her gaze moving from Josh to Meg and then to the desk. "No, no I'm okay thank you though." She slipped into the chair, keeping her gaze frontwards. 

Meg looks to Josh with a shocked look, 'What was that??' She mouthed, 

Josh responded with an absolutely mortified expression. He would never say he was the smoothest guy on the planet, but he had never been that awkward in his life. 

Meg shook her head before reaching out to tap the girl's shoulder, "I'm Meg!" She introduces, "And that goober is Josh." 

The girl lightly moved to glance over her shoulder at Josh in a shy way. "It's nice to meet you both. I'm (Y/N)." She hummed with a sweet smile. 

"That's a pretty name, isn't it Josh??" Meg quickly said, trying to get him to continue the conversation in a less awkward way.

Josh nodded very enthusiastically, "The prettiest name I've heard in a long time!" He said with a smile, 

(Y/N)'s cheeks began to hold a flush of their own. "Oh! Uh... th-thank you!" She sputtered out. 

'OH FUCK. She's so cute.' Josh thought to himself, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat with a shaky swallow. 

Little did Josh know that (Y/N) was thinking something very similar. She might not make it as obvious as he was, but being so much closer now... being able to see the warmth in his brown eyes, seeing how his wavy brown hair came to cup his cheeks --- she couldn't help but continue to stare back at him. 

The only thing that could pull them both out of the little trance they had fallen into was the bell. Both of them quickly looked toward it, followed by a man's voice at the front of the class. 

"Alright everyone, take your seats!" 

(Y/N) was reluctant but she turned herself to look toward the front of the class. A little bit nervous, but mustering an ounce of courage she tore a piece of paper from her notebook quietly and began to scribble something down. 

Josh hardly got anything out of that language arts class, he was way too busy trying to figure out what excuse he could make to talk with (Y/N) again. He was just rattling through every little conversation starter he had ever heard in his life... but none of them felt like they would work. 

Before long the bell had rung overhead once more and everyone was shuffling to grab their things and head to all of their next classes. 

Biting his lip, Josh was determined to catch (Y/N) before she could head off to her own next class. Luckily for him she had a similar idea. Both turning to each other as they stepped out of the classroom, it was painfully quiet at first. It seemed as if they were trying to get their thoughts together really. 

Finally they spoke, 

"Hey would you---" "I was wondering if you'd---" 

At once. 

A small awkward laugh left their lips, "Please, go ahead I was going to say something dumb---" Josh quickly said moving to rub the back of his neck. 

(Y/N)'s lips parted as she let out and unsure chuckle, eyes moving downwards for a moment. "I was just going to ask if you would mind if I joined you for lunch? I just am new and don't really have any---" 

"Yes!" Josh quickly said, "Yes absolutely. You didn't even have to ask, you could have just showed up if you wanted to!" He quickly says to her. 

The speed he seemed to talk at entertained (Y/N) a heck of a lot. A smile creeping across her face, "Okay! Thank you!" She responded. 

"Do you know where the cafeteria is? I can show ya if you want??" Josh quickly continued, "I mean I'm sure you could find it on you're own, you seem very smart and capable. Most women are to be honest; I remember reading an article about how men need to---" 

"That would be really great actually." (Y/N) smiled in a gentle way. 'He's even more nervous than I am.' She thought to herself. 

"Oh-oh! Okay cool! Uh, do you know where Mr.Shapiro's class is?" He asks, 

(Y/N) seemed to think for a minute, "113... right? I have him for chemistry this afternoon I think." She mutters. 

Josh swiftly nods his head, "That's the one!! Meet me there okay?" He says. 

(Y/N) nodded back, understanding the little plan they now had. "I'll see you in a little bit then?" She lightly asks. 

"Yeah absolutely." Josh began to grin, suddenly beyond excited. Even as she began to walk off to her class all he could think about was how sure he was now that this year was going to be fantastic. 

That was until a warning bell played overhead, "Oh shit--" Josh jumped in shock, immediately beginning to run to his next class.

//That's all for now lovely! I do actually have an idea on how to continue this one if anyone would like! Pretty please let me know in the comments if that's something you guys would like 💜//

[suchalonelysunflower]

Take Your Feelings, Put Them Into a Song (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Wallows! Fem! Reader

Requested: yes!

Summary: Y/N Sixx, bassist from the famous band Wallows, is helping 5SOS write their latest album CALM. If only she could keep her crush on the drummer under control…

Warnings: Fluff. Language. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 4.6 k

Author’s Note: IM BACK! Remember that Reblogs, Likes, Comments and Feedback are very important! You have no idea how much they help 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

anon: Can you do a one-shot where the reader was born on 1996 and she’s the daughter of Nikki Sixx and Brandi Brandt and it’s the bassist and songwriter of Wallows (…) and she helps 5sos write songs for the album CALM and starts dating Ashton and the fans go nuts (in a good way) with shipping? There’s no drama like it was in EUH

It was another boring day in the studio and you would literally prefer to do anything else than to listen to Cole talk about the last date he had instead of working on your new song. But inspiration was lacking between you and your bandmates and you really had no other choice since you already took that time on the studio’s schedule.

One would believe that you would be used to dull times in the studio, having spent a lot of time on them while growing up with your parents, but boredom was a cruel crime inside your head and today your patience was running thin.

“Hey, peanut!” Dylan called your attention “Everything good there?”

You were laying on the sofa, looking at the ceiling for some kind of saving grace, but Dylan’s voice brought you back to your reality.

“Are we going to get something done today?” You asked with a sigh, with your eyes still glued to the ceiling “Cause we are really just wasting time by now and I don’t think Cole’s last fling will bring any kind of inspo into our little group”

“Hey!” Cole protested, earning a chuckle from Braeden.

“Whatever,” You said, already getting up from your spot “I’m going to take a walk”

You took a deep breath once you closed the door to your private room. You loved the guys, you really do, but sometimes people can be too much, especially people who you spend every single day and hour with.

Memories from the past year started to fill your mind and you smiled when thinking about how much your little band has grown. Wallows was now everywhere, you created a name for yourself without using your parent’s influence and you were so damn proud of that, yet when moments like these come around - the moments where you just need to breathe to escape the reality for just a while - you start to reflect on every choice you made and if they were the right ones.

It’s the overthinking that got you to write those first lyrics in the first place, the ones that were put into songs and now were, somehow, all over TikTok with thousands of people relating to them. So maybe, overthinking now might not be such a bad idea after all.

“It’s a terrible idea if you think about it for more than one minute, mate”

You stopped in your tracks when you heard that voice, thinking that maybe you were finally going crazy or someone could’ve read your mind. But it wasn’t until you heard someone else answer that you realized it was a conversation.

“Well, I don’t know what to do with it anymore!”

You turned your head to the left and smiled when you saw the little sign that said “5SOS now in session. DO NOT DISTURB” And realized that your other favorite boys were back in town.

Of course you ignored the sign and knocked on the door a couple of times before opening it shamelessly.

“Well, well, well…” You said with a teasing smile as you leaned over the door frame “If it isn’t my second favorite Aussie band”

The faces of two of the members of said band light up once they realize it was you, quickly getting up to wrap you in a hug.

“Mini Sixx!” Calum said, ruffling his hand through your hair “About time you came to visit us”

You pushed him and Luke away from you “And you should’ve told me you’re back from your break! I could’ve escaped Dylan and the other minions earlier”

“Rough session?” Luke asked, seating down and patting the place next to him for you to sit on.

“Oh, you have no idea”

You loved the 5sos guys, it was impossible not to. Ever since you met them at a label party in 2015 when you were introduced to them because you were the same age as half of the group, you knew that they were made to be on the stage.

It was easy to become their friend, given their welcoming attitude and easy-going smiles even before they found out who your parents were. It was nice for a change not to be Y/N Sixx, daughter of the famous bassist of Mötley Crüe and famous Playboy doll Brandi Brandt, for a moment and just be Y/N, a bassist that had a lot to give to the world. And with the boys you didn’t even have to try to be someone you were not, with them everything was just so… real.

Just like now, where you were allowed to complain about your lovely bandmates to them and they would complain just as well, with no judgment nor responsibilities, just three friends letting out some steam due to the stress of your careers.

“-And basically we don’t know what else to do with the song” Luke finished his rant on the missing piece of their new song for their next album.

“And you have the lyrics ready?”

“Yeah, me and my girl wrote it a few weeks ago but the melody is just…”

“It’s missing something” Calum finished for him with a sigh.

You hummed “Can I see it?”

The two Australians got to work, playing the song with the piano and the guitar and you came to the conclusion that they were right: there was something big missing.

“So it’s a ballad,” You said, thinking of ways to fix it.

“Technically yes, but when you play it like that it sounds incomplete and the lyrics won’t work with another type of rhythm” Luke sighed “We’ve been at it for days now.”

You stayed quiet for a while, reviewing the lyrics and melody more carefully now, analyzing the situation with different approaches but without getting anywhere. It was a beautiful song, it truly was, but it needed something else, something that could create a “boom” sensation for whoever was listening.

Something like…

“Hey guys, have you finished with the- Oh, Hey, Y/N/N!” Ashton said, opening the door and finding you with his bandmates in deep concentration.

Bingo.

“Uh, why are you smiling at me like that?” Ashton asked you with a chuckle, but you didn’t even address him as you turned to Luke and Calum.

“It needs drums”

“What?” The three men said in unison. You rolled your eyes and snatched the notes from Calum’s lap and started to sing the melody.

“Here!” You pointed out “In this part, before finishing the first chorus: I already made, already made that…” And then you started to make drum noises and movements with your arms for them to get the idea.

In a matter of seconds, Luke got up from his seat and walked towards you, taking the notes from you and reviewing them with new eyes, smiling as he got the idea.

“Ha!” He laughed loudly, “You’re a fucking genius!”

“Thank you,” You said with a smug smile as you, Calum and Luke started to discuss the arrangements.

“Wait, hold up” Ashton interrupted the chatter “Y/N, I appreciate you trying to help and no offense and all but I think this isn’t your place to just decide something like that,” He said, pointing to the three of you.

You rolled your eyes. You’ve dealt with stubborn people before, but Ashton did take a spot on your top three and you knew just how to handle him.

“Wow,” You said sarcastically with a teasing smile “One would think that by being half of the rhythm section you would have more… I don’t know, rhythm?”

Ashton crooked an eyebrow and you and you knew you had him in the bag “I just don’t think-”

“You don’t think?” You said, getting up from your chair and walking up to him to be almost chest to chest. You looked up to his eyes and challenged him “Or you just can’t handle the fact that I might’ve had a better idea than you”

You could see by the sparkle in his eyes that he has taken the challenge to heart. He took a step closer to you, almost pressing his body completely against yours, and smirked.

“Want me to prove you wrong, princess?” He teased but you didn’t back up.

“I’d like to see you try, darling”

Ashton’s smirk widened as he took a step back, turning his head towards Luke and Calum who were watching the scene with intrigued eyes and knowing smiles “Get your asses back in the recording booth”

He followed them as they walked into the big recording space they had, but not before sending you a wink seconds after he closed the door.

You were thankful he didn’t see you blush.

Once they were all set with their instruments - Calum on the keys, Luke on the guitar, and Ashton behind his drum set - You pressed the buttons of the console that would make it possible for you to hear them at the other side of the mirrored glass.

“Okay boys, show me what you got”

*

You became an official 5SOS songwriter after that day and even Ashton had to admit that you were adding so much more to the band lyrics and melodies since you started to work with them.

Every day you would find yourself walking towards their studio after your band’s session and you start to work wherever they left off. It was a simple dynamic that worked wonders for everyone and after every session, you would get even more inspired to write your own music for Wallows, so it was a win-win situation, not to mention, spending time with your new co-workers; especially a particular drummer that grew closer to you that you would’ve ever imagined.

When you first met the band you hit it off pretty quickly with Luke and Calum, them being the same age as you and having pretty much the same interests; then came Michael that shared a similar sense of humor with you and with whom you discussed videogames with. But Ashton was always the one that you consciously tried to not get too close to.

In all honesty, he intimidated you but not in a bad way. He was smart, talented, and super funny, not to mention also ridiculously handsome. But he was also stubborn, a little bit egotistical, and the only one that could keep up with you in a battle of wits, teasing, and sarcasm. And you knew that if you mixed that all together it might mean trouble, especially when he smiled at you like that.

Of course you had a crush on him, who wouldn’t? But the fact is that you know what it is like to date in the industry and having feelings for a member of another pretty famous band might bring some tension to the table, so it was safer to play the crushing card and just stay friends. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself every day since you started to see him regularly and spend more time with him than with any other of the two bands.

Speaking of…

“Earth to Y/N?” Called Braeden waving a hand in front of your face “Is anybody there?”

You blinked a few times before pushing his hand away with a scoff “Very funny, B. What’s up?”

“You spaced out again” Cole added, fidgeting with his drumsticks “Just when we were going to start complimenting you on that bass line you wrote the other day…”

You smiled as you threw a pillow at him that he was able to easily dodge “Sorry, I was just-”

“Thinking about a particular drummer again?” Dylan teased, to which Cole added.

“I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to fall in love with me”

You searched for other pillows and started to throw them at your band members, giggling as they started to throw them back at you and starting an improvised pillow fight in the middle of the recording booth.

“Hey, Y/N/N! I was wondering if you-” Ashton’s sentence was cut short as he opened the door and took in the scene that was in front of him.

You were so busy chasing Breaden with a pillow on each hand and a devilish smile that you didn’t even notice when the door opened or that Ashton was standing there, smiling at you with his arms crossed as you aimed at your bandmate's head.

“Oh look, peanut!” Dylan said teasingly “You knight in shiny armor is here to-” But before he could say anything more embarrassing, you threw a pillow directly at his face to shut him out.

You quickly turned your head to Ashton who was fairly amused by your battle skills and smiled at him.

“Hey!” You said breathlessly after chasing down the others.

“Hi,” He smiled back “Am I interrupting something or?”

“Nah, you’re good,” You said, throwing one last pillow at your three friends that stood in a corner blowing teasing kisses and puppy eyes at the two of you “These assholes and I are done for the day” You commented before said assholes started to pout and complain, but you were already out the door before they could say something embarrassing again.

“So…” Ashton trailed off, starting to walk alongside you with his hands in his front pockets.

“So,” You said, drifting your eyes from him and praying to the universe that he didn’t hear anything or else it would make the blush on your face even pinker “You needed me for something?”

You wanted to get the topic of work right there in the open as soon as possible, not wanting him to notice how nervous you got when you were alone with him. At least when you were talking about work you leveled the ground in some parts.

“Actually, I’m going home early today” He smiled softly “Luke and the guys are working on a love song that’s just way too happy and butterflies - in - your -stomach like and I didn’t think they needed me there if I can’t bring nothing to the table”

“You’re not a lovey-dovey feeling kinda guy?” You teased by bumping your arm with his, earning a “hey” from him “I actually get it, I’m not that kind of person either”

“It’s not like I don’t like it, it’s just that-”

“You process your emotions differently, and it’s easier to write those when you think of love in other stages and/or mixed with other complex emotions because-”

“Love is not just one-sided! Yes!” Ashton celebrated, amazed that you could understand what he was saying “I knew you would get it”

That comment made your cheeks heat up as you looked at him, all dimpled smiles and light chuckled as he looked at you with sparkly hazel eyes. Oh no…

“Well,” You said, breaking that little moment “If they are going to work on that all day then I guess I would head home, too. I don’t think I’ll be able to provide anything else either”

“Actually,” Ashton said as he stopped in the middle of the hall leading to the exit, making you stop as well and turn to him “I was wondering if you would want to get some coffee with me now that we are both free. Of course, if you really are free and have nothing else to do and want to actually drink coffee or tea… or maybe not and you’re not that type of person and-”

“Are you asking me out?”

Ashton stopped his rambling and looked at you with an incredulous smile and lightly blushed cheeks.

“I- well, yeah,” He said shyly “Yeah, I am”

You smiled and softly chuckled “Look at the famous drummer all nervous” You teasingly took a step closer to him, not knowing where this confidence was coming from, and he did the same “It’s just me, you know?”

“And that’s exactly the reason why”

“Do I make you nervous, darling?”

“Let’s say that if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have rambled like that, princess”

You pressed your lips in a thin line and smiled as you looked away from him, blushing like a teenager on her first date.

“So…” You trailed off.

“So?”

“Lead the way”

*

From that moment both of your routines changed once again. Now you took time off the studio at least two times a week to go with Ashton on those small friendly dates as he took you out for coffee or just simple but meaningful talks.

Soon enough you lost all the doubts that made you nervous around him, seeing how easy it was to talk to him and how much you had in common in more aspects than just music. You became more comfortable around him and your level of teasing and playing grew alongside your relationship, not to mention the level of teasing and playing you received from your band members and the other 3 Aussies who joined in on all the fun.

You were used to blushing and dismissing comments about your - undeniable - crush on the drummer, but Ashton didn’t seem to be affected by them at all. On the contrary, Ashton played along and even seemed like he was enjoying it. Like in one particular occasion where you were working on a song together and Michael said:

“Oh my god, date her already!”

Ashton didn’t blink an eye before responding “I’m trying! But she just wants to focus on the harmonies”

And you’d be lying if you said that didn’t put a smile on your face.

Yet, you kept it all professional while being in the studio; no need to mix your personal lives with whatever was going on down there, that’s why those coffee runs were your favorites.

It was an unspoken rule between the two of you that “work-talk” was forever banned from those outings.

“So what are we going to talk about?” You asked him the first time you went into his favorite coffee shop.

“Us” He simply answered, unaware of the butterflies he just set in your stomach.

“Us?”

“Yeah, I want to get to know you better, princess. Who is Y/N Sixx?”

“Who is Ashton Irwin?”

“I asked first”

“I asked second” You countered

Ashton smiled widely “You think you’re clever…”

“It doesn’t matter what I think” You answered, casually sipping on your coffee “I know I’m clever just like I know you like me that way”

You were testing the waters back then, hiding the shaking of your knees under the table as you longed to know how he felt about it. But the way he smiled and how he blushed a little bit made all your fears go away.

“Yeah, that I do”

Your cheeks turned red whenever you reminisced about that moment - or any moment that you spent with Ashton for that matter - which gave you the perfect idea for a song.

“I don’t want to kill my time with somebody else…” You hummed to yourself as you wrote down what you think is the chorus to a new song.

You told Ashton that you were not the type to write silly love songs or very uplifting songs; but there was something in that memory, something in that feeling that you couldn't ignore or just let it be without doing something about it. So, you started to write it.

You couldn't separate the feeling from the art, after all, feelings were what led you to dedicate your life to music. People would say it was because of your parent’s influence but they had little to nothing to do with your decision. This was you, the authentical you writing whatever came to mind and then sharing it with the world and only a few people will get it in its entirety. And surely Ashton was one of them.

“Dadadada something, want you all to myself”

“Wacha doing there, princess?”

Speaking of the devil.

Ashton smiled at you as he hunched over the table you were working on, trying to peek at what you were writing. You lifted the notebook and pressed it against your chest faking offense as he giggled.

“Didn’t your mother taught you not to sneak up on people, darling?” You asked as he walked around your workspace and sat himself down on the chair next to you “Besides, you’re late. You were supposed to meet me here like half an hour ago!”

“Aww, sorry Sixx” Ashton pouted “But there were no chocolate chip cookies left in the shop so I had to go around town to get you some” He then put a bag of freshly made cookies on top of the table with a cup filled with coffee.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?”

“Of course I did! You always only eat chocolate chips cookies in the afternoon”

He started to giggle again, ignoring the way you were looking at him “How did you know that?”

“C’mon, Y/N/N, every time we go for coffee you order two, one for the coffee and another one for the road. And every time we cater something you never touch anything but those cookies”

“I never knew you were so observant”

Ashton shrugged “I just pay attention if I like what I see,” He said nonchalantly with a wink, making you blush instantly, but you covered it up with an eye roll.

“God, you’re terrible” You scoffed.

“I’m honest!” You shook your head and went back to writing, but Ashton was not going to let that go so easily. “Look, how else could I know that you always put an extra bag of sugar in your coffee?”

“‘Cause I always drink the same thing,” You said without looking up from your notebook.

“Yeah, a mocha latte with extra chocolate drizzle and no foam. Honestly, how can you handle that much sugar?” You were about to answer but he caught you off. “But that’s not all you drink, whenever you have a bad day you always order a cup of mango and ginger tea because that’s your mother’s favorite drink and it helps you calm down. You also don’t want anyone to know that you’re having a bad day but the minute someone looks away your smile starts to flatter until you’re back in the conversation”

You stopped the writing completely as you turned to him, suddenly feeling how your heart started to jump all over your chest as he kept talking, eyes never leaving yours as he gave you a soft smile, almost as if he was remembering all those moments with you.

“You draw flowers on the corner of your notebooks whenever you feel bored. You love the sad songs on the radio and you know every single word to Lorde’s Melodrama, yet every time you have to choose a playlist you put 2000’s pop and R&B songs because it hypes you up. You hate awkward silences unless you are the one being quiet. You help Dylan dye his hair every time he asks you to because you would trust each other with your lives, you give Cole relationship advice because you care about him and he always appreciates your advice more than anyone’s and Braeden is your best friend because you always say that he is one of the few people that could make you laugh in a bad day and you have no idea how much I want to be included in that list”

“Ashton-”

“You write better with dim light, it helps you concentrate on your work. You say you don’t believe in astrology yet you check your horoscope every day. You want to make sure that everyone has a good time and feels included, that’s why you always make conversations with Micahel about games you never even heard before or let Luke braid your hair when he’s bored or how you switched topics when you noticed that Calum was not engaging as much in a conversation. You literally take care of everyone but you never let anyone take care of you, and when we do you get all shy and you blush as you say thank you and you have no idea how fucking adorable you look”

You sat there speechless as he spoke. You felt the back of your throat dry as you tried to find the right words to answer all of that.

It was too much. The fact that he knew all of that and how he said it like he was just talking about his favorite things in the world, it was just too much but at the same time, you want to hear him say that again.

A weird sense of joy and shyness came over you as he set his hazel eyes on yours. You gave him a small smile as you averted your gaze to the floor.

“Wow, I-” You started “I never thought someone noticed all that”

“How could I not?” You heard him say “You’re all I can think about and to say that I don’t notice you is like saying I don’t notice the sun in the sky or the stars at night. You’re the brightest light out there, Y/N, you shine everywhere you go”

You noticed how he pulled his chair closer to you and suddenly you felt how your chair started to slowly turn his way until you were face to face.

Ashton carefully placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your head until you were finally looking into his eyes again.

“There she is!” He smiled when he noticed your blushing cheeks and gleaming eyes.

“What do you mean when you say I’m all you think about?” You asked expectantly, curling your fingers nervously on top of your thighs.

Ashton chuckled. “Well, if you didn’t notice, I really fucking like you, Y/N”

You looked up at him, smiling with hopeful eyes and feeling as if a weight was lifted off your chest thanks to the joy you were experiencing while hearing those words.

“You do?”

“Unless you don’t like me back and I just spilled my feelings for nothing-” You smacked him playfully in the arm “Ouch! I’m kidding! Of course I like you! Fuck, Y/N I’ve been falling for years now and I thought I was being pretty obvious”

You laughed “I thought you were just playing!”

In an instant, Ashton pulled your chair closer and grabbed you by the hip, lifting you up and making you sit on his lap as he hugged you by the waist and you placed your arms around his neck.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” He said, “I’ll do anything to prove it”

“Well,” You said, pressing a kiss to his cheek and knocking your forehead to his “How about you help me finish this song and then you take me on a date? Cause I’ve been falling for you, too and I don’t want to waste any more time”

Ashton hummed as he nuzzled his nose against your cheek, kissing it softly as he murmured “Will I get to kiss my princess at midnight?”

“Maybe… or you can take your chances now if you’d like”

He smiled.

“I like those odds”

And just before you know it, he softly pressed his lips against yours; finally creating a happy beginning for the two of you.

Instagram Posts

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tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @hoplessromantic727 @fivesecondsofonedirection @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @major5sosstan @5sos-imagine @SunflowerAngel2123 @perfectnouis @in-superbloom @lukeisstillapenguin @sadcupofcoffee @superstarmarvel @personalmuyverypersonal @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-luke @alltimesos @girlwhosimps @wontlastimokwiththat @ttinahood @lukespitinmymouth @perfectnouis

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 2 June ‘21

Louis sent a message to a fan looking for a hello after a major surgery-- “Get well soon mate. Sending you loads of love x”- and added that he hopes ALL of us are doing alright; I never doubted it Louis! Niall got a little more specific with his really lovely message today- “HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. It’s your life, LOVE who you want to LOVE,” he tweeted! THANKS GUYS.

Liam though, Liam was all over today! He checked in on his way to play golf, on his way back from playing golf (with videographer Conor!), posted comments on discord, joined a new chat platform (Telegram; 5 minutes into Telegram and chill Liam was like OKAY it looks like we may need some moderators for this app lol YOU THINK?), he did a whole 25 min live, AND checked in even later to say he’d just had a shower and was about to play a new video game! New news of the day-- he is going to host a Veeps show showcasing new artists in July!! NEAT! His post about how his team forgot to turn off notifications on the phone they set it all up on for him on is really funny, YIKES; “this used to be an iphone now it’s just a bell” he joked, with video of the phone frantically chiming nonstop (“the power of you guys still blows my mind to this day”.) Also he said that he was very busy getting ready for June 15. Why, you ask, what is on June 15? UH? IDK?? He has so many things coming up? But that’s the NFT I think, which I KNOW a lot of people are mostly not that excited about but I will say that while I don’t care about the technology, I am excited to see Liam’s artwork he’s working on for it (which hopefully the purchaser will share with us), and Liam is truly so excited about the platform, he’s really trying to talk us into it. More on that in a sec...

But let’s get to the other parts of Liam’s live first. He has that new song coming, about which he said “it’s one that I’ve written the most on so far actually, as a single, I’m excited to say my own stuff for once a little”, love that. He’s still coughing but says he’s tested repeatedly and it isn’t COVID, and that he’s gone vegetarian recently, and he says the chat channels were inspired by seeing people using the veeps chat rooms even after the show ended, not wanting to leave. And he talks about 1D- about the notifs mishap he said “back in the band we used to wait for people we didn’t like to leave their notifications on and then we would like- oh make sure you follow this person on twitter! And then their phone would break for days- if someone did something that annoyed you.” HAHAHA where’s my masterpost of people who annoyed them 1D told us to follow, PLEASE? And also “it’s hard sometimes you’re watching people stories from afar that you used to know so well and that can be difficult… we’ve all felt this at different times me and the boys… it’s almost like missing a very dear friend a lot of the time but everyone’s so busy… I’d love to get us all in a room somewhere sometime” aww. But also he said he talked to Harry recently, “really a lovely call, he has a sixth sense for if I'm struggling or if one of us is in trouble, I spoke to him and it was a really lovely catch up. I have a lot of love for the man, he's really, really great"; well I wish Liam wasn’t stuggling but that’s lovely. And Louis too! "I spoke to Louis, I wanna say yesterday. We speak a lot, there's just a lot of laughing about random crap," he said, plus some Louis memories- “I can just hear his laugh in the back of my mind. We once broke into one of the stadiums in America and got chased by a woman… on one of those cop type things, a mall cop thing, and that was quite crazy. He also left me on my own while I was being arrested nearly by a French policemen that I had to push over… which that still scares me to this day. [laughing] That’s what friends are for! I helped him over the fence to get in somewhere, he left me with the policeman, who didn’t have a clue who I was and tried to arrest me even though I was just trying to go into my hotel.” UMM sorry I can’t hear anything past LIAM PUSHED OVER A COP?? Go ahead, make a list of ‘1D members most likely to fight a cop’ and if Liam isn’t DEAD LAST you’re just wrong and yet HERE WE ARE!! WHAT A DAY.

But alas rather than fighting cops now Liam is partnering with an entrepreneur (which I have had to type so many times in the last two days thanks to Liam that I guess I know how to spell it now they just keep SAYING it SO MUCH). Steve Bartlett said “the secret” is out, he recorded a podcast with Liam yesterday-- I’d call secret a bit strong, we had actually got that mate, but okay; he called Liam an entrepreneur and said “yesterday I recorded one of the most powerful, honest, REAL conversations on my podcast to date” and “if you love Liam you’ll love this.” I can absolutely guarantee you that is not true, I love Liam and already hate everything about this collab, but his wording does make me think we’ll get a bit of Liam’s trademark emotional spillage which I suppose I might appreciate despite this self help CEO guy being there too. Liam does have one thing to say that could sway me in this guy’s favor though- “he has the cutest dog ever” apparently! Anyway I may as well get used to him he’s suddenly everywhere-- Liam also patched him into his live to try yet again to convince us that NFTs are good by awkwardly relating it to “fans of boybands” by saying you know this could eliminate like fake tickets and such… Sure Steve sure but anyway he also says of Liam, “the guy you see on camera is the exact same guy off camera”.

Harry and Olivia were seen together in London (well, a grainy ass video of their backs was seen anyway), walking, with some people who look to be her parents and Harry’s PA (so romantic! Not at all work related!) I was initially skeptical of the claim that it was her parents since this fandom is obsessed with saying everyone is so and so’s parents (we’ll NEVER top the time the fandom was sure Harry was seen having lunch with Eleanor’s father though) but it actually seems like maybe it was. More for Harry to add to his collection, that man truly loves an extended family! I mean the whole thing is sketchy as hell, from the assurance that that’s DEFINITELY actually Olivia in the grainy video, FOR SURE, to the confirmation that that’s her mom with them which came when a blank insta page produced a random old picture of her mom in the same skirt, but like is it them, sure I imagine so, and people making sure we get the story anytime they’re together isn’t exactly new. In other news, Dave Meyers, director of the Adore You music video, says he originally pitched the Eroda story idea (“I have this idea, of you love- liking a fish”) to Katy Perry and the Black Eyed Peas, ASJKJASKL CAN YOU IMAGINE?