#(different cases also sound different. And you don’t need to be aware of cases changing to change your case. speech changes your text. Yeah

[marenights]

Wow, you sure look pretty mad, Lord Mare.

Hm...what about you try to calm yourself down a bit?

You could...

...what could you do?

I mean, you can't just start doing another thing, since you came back here just some minutes ago.

Hmmmm...

Oh! I have a idea! You could listen to some music! Music always solve these kinda of problems. I can even help you to hear it!

Let me just see if this will work, and...

*put a jazz song on my phone*

Well...are you hearing it?

-🌀

[kerryshifts]

My record is 32 minutes WITHOUT moving, I'd say it's pretty impressive, with moving 42. But hey, I low-key need to know what am I doing wrong, I'm not expecting you to know but maybe you have some tips or reasons why I haven't shifted yet? Though I know I'm there not like my awareness but a body???

hold on. okay. my name is doctor kerry and i need to do a lobotomy to you. serious case here guys…………

shifting is a fancy word and another way of calling your awareness of reality. you can be in a reality different from this one and switch your 3D, aka the five senses. like a radio. is nothing glamorous or whimsical. you can decide where your awareness, the knowledge or perception of a situation or a fact, is. soooo now that we got what shifting is:

1. moving or not moving means NOTHING. also the time you put in your shifting attempt means NOTHING. you don’t have to lay down in your bed in a starfish position and act like a statue. why are you timing it? this is not formula 1. the only thing that is making you do is spirale & go insane. we don’t want that. right???

2. methods DO NOT make you shift, they are just tools that you can or can not use. they are not mandatory!!!!!people can shift in five minutes or while dancing, while sneezing, anything can work. my dad didn’t even knew about shifting and still shifted. i was listening to music and i was suddenly in my dr bedroom not even thinking about shifting. @nab3rries was in the toilet (this is your dinasty now girl love u) and then she was in her dr bedroom. and you know why it’s like this? because you are the one shifting. not the methods, not the time, not the subliminals, not the guided meditations. its you. stop focusing on the technique. it means nothing.

shifting is a long process ONLY if you make it to be. you are the creator of your reality, and this means that you can decide what shifting is for you. for some, it’s instant: one second they are here, the next they are there. for others it’s a doctor strange type shit thing. seconds do not matter. minutes are pointless, because time doesn’t exist. why? easy! shifting. now it’s may 11, 2025 and, for me, the next moment is august 14, 1974. the concept of time its just pointless.

some tips: i recommend reading this first. understand what shifting is and do not make your life complicated by…..monitoring your shifting attempts as if you are a guy in squid game with a gun held against your head. let’s chill a little bit. ommmmmmm 🧘🏻‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️ right???

right. then, do not make it stressful. pls. you sound already stressed. do not add this into your stressing schedule.

you know you are in your dr, right? perfect!!!!!!! you shifted. your awareness now is catching up with your thoughts….because guess? you guessed? yeah, your thoughts shape reality. yup. boooooom. CINEMA [insert martin scorsese meme]. your subconscious doesn’t have eyes and doesn’t distinguish things with ‘real’ or ‘not real’.

for example,,,, here’s how i manifested long hair. i do have eyes, yes, but my subconscious doesn’t. my thoughts shape reality. so, i just said to my subconscious ‘hey subconscious, look at those long wavy hair damnnn i look like a mermaid!’ and my hair went from straight ugly short to long wavy medieval princess hair. like. my hair NEVER grew past my chest….. so i changed that. easy. i just PERSISTED.

4. you can shift whatsoever. there’s no right or wrong way to do it.

[chukys-mouthguard]

I know youve probably been getting a ton of rempe request which I have to add to it too (I’m so sorry) but a good enemies to lovers with a bit of angst would be 😮‍💨

Party’s Over

Words: 3.49k

Featuring: matt rempe x female reader

Genre: angst, fluff; enemies to lovers

Summary: who the fuck invited matthew rempe to your birthday party?

“So, guess what Braden just told me.”

Your friend setting her phone down after reading a text from her boyfriend, an awkward smile on her face. “No, absolutely not, tell him no!”

Not needing her to even give the answer you were already fully aware of what Braden had said. But there was no way in hell you were okay with it.

“If those boys dare to bring Matthew Rempe to my apartment, they are going to get beers thrown in all of their faces!” She laughed as you pointed to the case of beers you were getting unboxed into an ice bucket for the guys to dig into once they arrived. The rest of the girls just silently munching on chips and queso as they all knew this saga between you and Rempe all too well. And as much as they would love for you to join the club and start dating a Ranger like the rest of them, they weren’t planning on that being Matt.

While you loved all of their boyfriends, the one Ranger you couldn’t stand was Matt Rempe. From the day you two met he had gone out of his way to be nothing but a dick to you. Constantly ragging on you, taking jokes too far, and now he was going to be in your apartment. No doubt any little action of his would piss you off to your maximum, simply because he was in your place.

“Look, it’s your birthday, I don’t think he will be an asshole to you today. Plus, they are already on their way here. What are they gonna do, throw him out of the car?” “Yes! That sounds like a great plan!” Rolling your eyes you finished setting up the appetizers and drinks before the guys arrived.

“Hello hello? We heard there’s a birthday going on?” Vinny Trochek called out before the boys filed into your apartment, each of them with a significant other soon joining them, the few single guys and girls introducing themselves as everyone was grabbing drinks and getting food.

You had greeted everyone but were also too preoccupied with being a host, in hopes that it would distract you from how angry you were with Matt being in your apartment.

“Y/n…it’s your party and you’re making drinks for people. What the fuck? Go drink, mingle.” Braden’s girlfriend quick to take the bottle of Tito’s from your hand and push you toward the kitchen island, your sudden presence stopping a conversation between Matt and Chris Kreider. “Oh I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” You glared at Matt, your tone a bit harsh as he sipped his beer. “Actually yeah, Matt was just saying how good you look tonight.”

Shaking his head in protest, Matt quickly swallowed down his beer, “more like the opposite. I said no such thing, don’t flatter yourself.” He smirked at you while Chris just shook his head, hating the constant immature bickering between the two of you.

“How about, you take that beer bottle, and show it up your ass Rempe? I think that would be such a fun party trick.” Flashing a fake smile you quickly left the kitchen, heading to your bedroom to cool off.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you began to second guess your outfit.

knock knock

“Y/n, what’s up? Chris said you stormed off after Matt made some smartass comment. Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay? Like, should I be wearing something different?” Chris’s wife Francesca rolling her eyes as she took a seat on your bed. “Really? Rempe said shit about your outfit and now you want to change? Have you ever thought that maybe the two of you just need to fuck and get it over with or something? I really think this whole act you’ve got going on needs to stop.”

Ignoring her comments completely, you went right to your closet, pulling out a white short sleeved bodysuit and a new pair of jeans. Quickly pulling them on and then pairing them with some heeled black boots.

“Okay, thoughts?”

Francesca lightly chuckling at how self conscious you’d become the second Matt said anything negative about how you looked. “I mean, you look hot as fuck. But, I feel like you’re trying to look good for him now.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m simply just trying to look hot and make him eat his words. And if the boy starts drooling about my tits practically being on display, that’s his problem not mine. Now let’s go do a shot!”

After you reappeared from your bedroom, newly clothed, you couldn’t help but notice how Matt’s demeanor had changed. He kept his distance and didn’t say a word to you. Though he didn’t have to, his eyes on you almost constantly and you were happy to know he was eating his words.

Three rounds of shots later, everyone was piling into Uber’s to head out, of course everyone finding it funny to put you and Matt in the same car, as well as make you both sit in the back seat together. Keeping your back somewhat to him, you tried to not as much as bump him with an arm or a leg, though his hand had tapped you multiple times as his arm was draped across the back on the seat.

Once at your destination you quickly pulled out your lip gloss and turned on your front camera to aid in your application.

“You know, I never understood the point of lip gloss. Like, it’s just gonna come off on your drinks or when you kiss someone.”

Matt practically whispered in your ear as he peeked his face into the view of your camera, making you roll your eyes. “Yeah well,” turning to face him, you hadn’t noticed how close his face was to yours, causing you to swallow a breath, “guess you’re in luck, I definitely won't be kissing you tonight.”

The group headed inside the club, having a table reserved at the back as to hopefully not draw too much attention having a handful of the Rangers with you. Everyone getting comfortable and situated with drinks as you threw back a few shots to erase the backseat interaction with Matt from your mind. This was your birthday, you were not going to let that cocky asshole ruin it.

The night had so far consisted of Vinny Trocheck getting so drunk he attempted to dance shirtless in your section, Chris and Matt competing to see who could chug their beers the fastest, and you losing track of just how many drinks and shots you’d had. But one thing you knew for sure was that you were about to pee your pants.

“I’ll be right back, bathroom.”

Slowly making your way through the crowd by yourself, Matt’s eyes followed you, making sure you made it to your destination. “Dude, cut the shit. This tough guy act, being dick to her. It’s not working for you.” Matt scoffed, taking a sip of his beer, “Krieds, I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He tried denying it, but Chris could see exactly what Matt thought he was doing. And despite his efforts, majority of the guys could see right through him. “All I’m saying is, for someone who dislikes her so much, you sure do care a lot making sure she made it to the bathroom safely.”

“Look, there’s a difference between me not liking the girl but knowing how to be a decent human being. Should I want her to not make it safely? Gosh Krieds now you sound like the asshole.” Matt attempted to put an end to the conversation, turning away from Chris, though keeping an eye on the bathroom.

After what felt like a thirty minute wait, you were able to evade peeing your pants in public and were headed back to your party. Though not before a drunk guy could try and creep on you, immediately making you remember why you didn’t go out to clubs anymore.

“Hey beautiful, you here alone?”

“Nope, actually here with friends.” Flashing a soft smile you attempted to brush past him in the hall, but he moved with you. “Oh, so you’re the one celebrating a birthday. How about I get you a drink?” Again flashing a smile you shook your head, “no thank you, we are stocked on drinks. I’m good.” The drunken man catching up to you as you could barely maneuver your way through the crowd. His hand snaking around your waist as he pulled you into him. “How about more than just a drink then?”

Immediately pushing against his chest to get out of his grip, you questioned the man but he didn’t let go. However soon enough, another arm reaching around to pull you free, to which you were surprised. Ready to thank the individual who likely saw the event and stepped in, until you saw the face of Matt Rempe appear next to you.

“Pretty sure that’s not any way to treat a lady. You wanna tell me why you put your hands on her?” Rolling your eyes you didn’t bother to stick around for Matt to be the hero and ask for your praises. Matt noticed you run off, but made sure the drunken man wouldn’t cause any more trouble for the night. Heading back to the table and immediately downing a shot before asking your friends to dance.

It was now 2am and you were down for the count, not able to hold your head up and just wanting food and your bed. Your friends helping you to your uber as everyone was more than happy to head home for the night. None of them partying like this in awhile and already anticipating the hangovers that were on the horizon.

“Okay, so as much as I want to take y/n up to her bed, I’ve got to get Chris home before he’s knocked out and I can’t deal with him alone.”

Francesca doing her best to keep Chris awake next to her as you were in the back seat once again with Matt, though you were oblivious to that as you were asleep with your head on his shoulder. “I can take her.”

Francesca a bit shocked at Matt’s offer to help. “You sure you’re not just gonna take her up there and draw on her face or something to mess with her?”

“Oh come on, I’m not that much of an asshole.”

Matt laughed, shaking his head as he looked down at you sleeping.

“Y/n…Y/n, wake up. We are back at your apartment.” Your eyes slowly fluttered open as Matt was attempting to help you out of the Uber. “I can do it myself.” Pulling your arm away from him as you were adamant about getting yourself inside, though only stumbling up the sidewalk and practically breaking your ankle in the process. “Y/n, just let Matt help you please. I gotta get Chris home before he’s sleeping on the street tonight. Stop hating him long enough for him to get you into bed.”

“I will never let this man get me into his bed!”

Francesca shaking her head with a sigh, “that is not what I meant, Jesus Christ…Matt, please let me know if you need anything. But I gotta get this man home.”

Matt laughed as Francesca guided a drunken Chris to their car, knowing that he would never let him live down this moment of being carried by his wife because he couldn’t hold his alcohol.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.”

Matt put a hand to your lower back as he helped guide you inside, trying his best to keep his distance so as to not upset you any more than he already had. The ride in the elevator was silent as you just stared at the numbers slowly counting up until you had reached your floor. Doing your best to walk to the door without issue, though now you were in for it as you tried to fumble with your keys and unlock it.

“Can I-” “No, I got it.”

Quickly opening the door you tossed your bag on the counter, soon collapsing on your couch. Not caring that the walk to your bed would have been only sixty seconds more, you needed to be horizontal and not in these boots any longer. Trying your best to kick off the boots, but having no luck, Matt soon came over to help. Your need for the boots to be off stronger than your want to be Miss Independent.

“I guess I will get you some water, heat up some of the food from earlier…”

His voice trailed off as he walked to the kitchen, your eyes opening to watch him. Why was he being nice all of a sudden? You didn’t like it, after he had made it his mission to be an asshole, all of a sudden he starts trying to be nice? He was clearly trying to get something out of you, praises or thanks for stepping up and taking care of you. Most likely to rub it in your face later and laugh at you for thinking he was a changed man or something.

“I don’t need your help, you know. I can do all of that myself.”

Matt just ignored you, continuing with making you a plate of food before he brought it over to you on the couch. He smiled softly as he held out the plate, and as much as you were starving, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept anything from him. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

He looked at you confused before setting the plate on the island in the kitchen. “Pretending like you care! Trying to be some hero and swoop in to save the day. You know what your problem is?”

“What’s my problem?” He leaned against the island, crossing his arms as he let you continue with airing your frustrations.

“You think that anyone is going to fall head over heels for you and just give you everything you want. You’re so full of yourself. And then, the second a girl doesn’t fold for you, you treat her like shit, like how you did with me. Do you know how annoying it is? Being friends with all those guys, and you’re the only one who hates me? Who talks shit about me, bashing me whenever he can? I fucking changed my outfit tonight because you made me feel like shit about myself! And for what? Because I didn’t drop my pants for you the first day we met or something? Get a fucking grip, and stop thinking so highly of yourself. I didn’t need your help at the bar, and I don’t need your help now if you’re only doing it to hold over my head later or try to use it against me. I don’t need you trying to embarrass me for ever thinking you were actually a nice guy and gave a shit. So if you’re only doing this to look good to everyone else, then please leave.”

You stomped off to your room to change, needing your jeans off and sweats on. Removing your bodysuit and replacing it with a hoodie, a deep sigh leaving your lips as you pulled the fabric over your head.

knock knock

“What!”

Glaring towards the door you saw Matt slowly appear from behind the frame. His demeanor a bit defeated as he tossed a small box onto your bed. “Here.…happy birthday. I’ll call an Uber then head out.”

Your angered facade fading as you looked from Matt to the small box on your bed. Only moving to open it once you’d heard him head back down the hall. As you untied the blue ribbon, you lifted the lid to reveal a beautiful necklace of your birthstone that you had been eyeing for months. Instantly your heart sank, regretting all the words you just spat at him. But, you weren’t actually feeling bad for Matt, or regretting something negative you said to him, you couldn’t. Because you were supposed to hate each other. Though this was an expensive ass gift for someone to buy if they hated you.

Setting the necklace down on your dresser, you darted out of your room and down the hall. Stopping in your tracks when you saw Matt still in your kitchen. “Sorry, I’m leaving, it's just raining and I figured I’d wait until my Uber got closer. I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.”

He went back to his phone as you could tell he was embarrassed and upset. Clearly this not being how he planned for the night to go, and you shared in the embarrassment for all the things you’d just said.

“Matt….how did you?”

Playing with the hem of your hoodie you awkwardly closed the distance between the two of you, eventually resting on your forearms against your kitchen island.

“Francesca told me you’d been eyeing it for months. I asked what was something I could you for your birthday, I wanted it to be something nice, special. But, clearly I fucked that up because I’m such an asshole.”

He wasn’t even making eye contact, his voice low as he mumbled his responses, shrugging it off like it was nothing. But it was clearly something.

“I just, I don’t get it…why get me such a nice, thoughtful, expensive gift. If you hate me?”

Matt laughed, finally looking up from his phone. “You really don’t get it do you? I don’t hate you y/n, it’s actually quite the opposite. When Chris told you earlier I was talking about how good you looked, he wasn’t lying. I really did think you looked good. And I felt awful when you went and changed clothes. I mean, you still looked hot as hell, but I felt bad that you thought I really didn’t think you looked good.”

He locked his phone and set it on the island as he made his way over to you.

“I acted that way because I've never met a girl like you. For starters, you never seemed interested in me, and I didn’t know how to take that. You were hard to read, and I thought if I messed with you, I would learn your personality. But you only dished shit right back at me just as I gave it. So I thought you weren’t interested and truly did not like me. Not to mention, coming into this group of people, when everyone is close already. I was trying my best to fit in, but I’m awkward okay? I wanted you to like me, and I fucked that up, clearly!”

You laughed along with him as he ran a hand through his hair. “And, I thought tonight I would fix things. I’d be able to give you that gift, and apologize for all the shit I started. But then, you got so mad at me when I tried helping at the club. And then when we got back here, I know I brought it on myself with being such a dick. But, I figured, there was zero chance I even got to make this right.”

“Well…” You sighed as you walked closer to him, your brain still trying to make sense of all this. “How about we start over? Blank slate, and we can forget everything. Stop this pretending like we hate one another and just be ourselves?”

Holding out your hand, Matt smiled before accepting and shaking it. “I’m Matt.” “I’m y/n.”

The two of you chuckled to yourselves, soon moving to the couch after you’d reheated the food Matt got for you which was now cold.

“Oh, um, aren’t you gonna cancel your Uber?”

Matt looked at you with a sheepish grin, “I never called an Uber.”

Your jaw dropping to the floor as you punched his shoulder. “Oh, so somehow you just magically thought things were going to work out and we’d be sitting right here on this couch? You thought you could easily just win me over and get a second chance with me? Matthew Rempe I swear to-”

Before you could finish your threat, Matt had placed his lips on yours, cutting you off with a kiss. Though shocked by the action, you didn’t fight it. Relaxing into the kiss before he pulled away.

“I just figured, with that gift I got you we were a little past first introductions.”

“You know, you’re lucky your cute Matthew Rempe…”

“Oh, so you do think I’m cute? I knew it!” He shot you a cocky grin as he dipped a chip in some queso. “We still have plenty of beer bottles, don’t make me bash you on the head with one.”

“Sweetheart, I get punched in the face on almost a nightly basis, I think I could handle a little beer bottle.”

[danishphoner]

The Last Shadow Puppets: fulfilling your kinkiest fantasies

Alex Turner and Miles Kane stand on one side of the success of The Last Shadow Puppets, who played Open'er Festival. On the other, you can see multitudes of fans trying to find evidence of the so-called ‘bromance’ of their favourites. And they, as if out of spite, only provoke further fantasies of their admirers. Even during the interview, they talked to me about fulfilling their kinkiest fantasies. See what else I managed to talk to them about!

Written by Katarzyna Gawęska Originally translated by everybodytriesbeinghuman on Tumblr

Translation below

Your duet is comparable to John Lennon and Paul McCartney’s, Steven Tyler and Joe Perry’s. Let’s start from compliments – what do you appreciate most in a teamwork?

MK: I think, it won’t be anything new, if I say, it’s thanks to Alex that our every song is so polished – no one else could make them better. Thanks to him, I am trying to push my own boundaries and, to be honest, I wouldn’t be so eager to do that without Alex. I suppose both of us could say that about our teamwork. We just understand in what creative direction each of us is heading towards. It’s difficult to explain, because we don’t need words to describe our thoughts, which melody each one is working on, which song he’s trying to make – cheerful or sad. I don’t know how it works – it’s just that sort of chemistry between us.

How is your work different from the Arctic Monkeys one or from your solo career, Miles?

MK: When I’m working solo, I’m sad, because I turn into a little frightened boy.

AT: When we are working on The Last Shadow Puppets records, we don’t know who's going to sing what. And because of that, we surely have to change our ways of writing, we don’t know everything from the get-go. It’s easier for me to write a song aimed towards myself – I’m writing a certain lyric, melody and I know I am going to sing it, so I’m already aware of my own possibilities. And the way Miles plays the guitar gets me really excited – his music takes me into a whole new world. When it disappears, this excitement is gone. It may sound like working with AM wouldn’t give me any satisfaction – I want to highlight it isn’t like that. With Miles, it’s just… different.

MK: I remember, one time Alex came up to me and said, “I want to see how you spit, while singing >>sick puppy<< in >>Bad Habits<<”. I called him a madman afterwards.

AT: Yeah…

MK: But he was right. No one else would say something like that to me, It was beautiful.

AT: You see, Kasia, I just tell Miles about my fantasies, and he tries to fulfill them, even when they are very kinky, like in that case.

Alex, you just explained, why your fans are suspecting you two of having a romance. You are very close to each other, but an artist needs a little more space and freedom to create, right?

MK: While making this record, we gave each other lots of space. EYCTE is the last song which we wrote. It was created from other unfinished pieces. It was supposed to be thousands of different tunes, but we made it into a one. Before I came into the studio, Alex sent me a demo on which he played the organs and then added different lyrics to it. That’s how it came out, and it’s a great example that Alex had a lot of space. When we played this song, I felt like I’ve never heard it before, which obviously wasn’t true. I was listening to the same thing as before but in a completely different form. And because of that, I started to feel excited again.

“EYCTE” is also your album’s title. Did you give your fans what they were expecting?

AT: Definitely! We hid it behind a red curtain, and underneath is everything they desired.

And what were your expectations for this record?

MK: We tried to bring something fresh into our work. We wanted to make this album different from the previous one. In some way, we got over with it and decided to not force things. It’s just me and Alex, that’s how we are and we don’t wanna change. And I think it turned out very well.

Your album cover turned out very well as well. When people see it, they want to give it a listen.

AT: I think when an artist decides to put something on the album cover or its booklet, they do it in order to show the listeners exactly what they’re gonna get from it. Actually, I don’t really know why I just said that, because it’s pretty obvious. Sorry, I’ll stop binding my time. Let’s say I made six albums, maybe five of them succeeded. The photography on the cover is a dancing Tina Turner. I’ve discovered it a few years ago and immediately thought it would fit perfectly, especially after changing the background to gold. There is a lot of grace in this picture, which is an element in TLSP’s music. It’s a dynamic portrait, which reflects our work brilliantly. As you may have noticed, it’s hard for me to describe some spectrums. Right now, I don’t know how to explain the fact that this cover is an amazing picture. The emotions you start to feel when you see it. Well, you’ve mentioned it by yourself, and I’m very glad you’ve noticed something so wonderful. I can only hope that more people will follow your thinking, and this cover picture will eventually make them listen to it. And yeah, maybe the sounds won’t disappoint them, either.

When I am listening to your tunes, I feel relaxed and calm. Then it hits me and I start wondering how it had come, if the lyrics are so aggressive and sexual. What does going from one extreme to another bring to your work?

AT: Another interesting thing you’ve noticed! It’s incredible that someone gets what’s happening inside my head! I’m telling you how it is. I very often find myself thinking that if the lyric drags on the right and the music on the left, then if we make both of those elements function we’ll create a balance. None of the elements will lean too much on it’s side, because it will be balanced by the opposite. Despite that I won’t generalize and in the “Bad Habits” case it’s the other way around – everything is dragged to the one side. I mean, there are some bows, which create a totally different impression of what our band is like. Not all the time everything has to be black and white – grays in our music are also very welcome. Personally, I’d rather listen for the rest of my life to what you’ve mentioned: meeting extremes in any song. I love that feeling when I turn on a tune and I think I know where how it’s all gonna go, and then the creator shows that he's playing with me and that, in reality, I know nothing. I don’t like predictable tunes.

Talking about lyrics, I couldn’t resist asking. Alex, there are very little lyric-writers better than you. People describe your style as poetic yet simple. Personally, I would agree with that. But how you would describe your writing style?

AT: You ask questions, which require thinking! Maybe… No, that’s not it. Or maybe… That one not as well…

Miles, maybe you’ll try to help him?

MK: For me it’s easy. Alex’s lyrics are like attempts to cross the Nile river on a raft. That’s how surreal they seem to me.

[Laughs] I think that’s the best comparison out there.

AT: [Laughs] Miles has a talent.

MK: No need to thank!

AT: And I still don’t know how to answer it. Miles handled it good, and I think that you [Miles] would describe me better than I could myself.

I’ll let go of descriptions, but I’ll ask you about the general sound of the album. Do you pay lots of attention to the technical side of making music? This album doesn’t seem modern, it’s more like…

AT: Something from the future?

I planned to say, like something from a few decades back, but your different perspective seems very interesting.

AT: [Laughs] We cut a deal then! But it’s a really fascinating situation! We were very excited that for the first record to make everything in an old-fashioned way. This time we weren’t so stubborn about making it so retro-like. We didn’t cut it off completely, but it just wasn’t as important. There are some old-fashion sounds on this record, but if you hear them on the radio, you’ll notice they sound modern. But I get your point! So remember that we still get excited over old amplifiers and such [laugh].

I know that you make new music all the time, so any plans for a new album?

AT: Oh yeah, absolutely! It’s like our… resolution. Resolution to make a new record. Now we are considering various options, we think a lot about the direction we should head to. I am working on a melodic scenario. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We won’t disappear that easily.

[keyboardsmashess]

The Siren, or The Heart of the Matter

Chapter Eleven: The Test, or Clint's No Good Very Bad Day

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: language, eventual smut, fluff, angst, canon-typical violence, implied/referenced SA, described panic attack MINORS DNI. A/N: Hello bbs! I've updated the tags to include some new themes, so be sure to check them out. Today's chapter includes lightly implied SA (no details) and a first-person description of a panic attack. Please read with awareness, and do what you need to take care of yourself <3

Summary: Cleo's tests and training continue, but they prompt some unwanted memories.

Chapter Directory

I enter the lab with a dramatic sigh. “Any chance you nerds can figure out how to get this thing out of my chest? It’s a bitch to find clothes that cover it.”

Stark eyes my sundress-and-cardigan combo (different from the last set - it’s sort of my unofficial uniform). “Not exactly high priority, Glowstick. Besides, I think it’s rather becoming. You should lean into it.”

I narrow my eyes at him and sit down. “Excuse me if I don’t take fashion advice from the man who thinks red and gold are the only colors that exist.”

He scoffs, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m offended. You’ve offended me, Lite Brite. Doc, she’s offended me.”

Bruce doesn’t even look up from his computer screen. “And yet, you persevere.”

“What’s on the agenda today, B? Please tell me I can do whatever it is sitting down - Captain Speedy made me run this morning.” Tony looks horrified, and I nod at him solemnly. “It was exactly as heinous as it sounds.”

Bruce holds up a complex-looking machine. “You can definitely sit for this.”

I huff a sigh of relief. “This is why you two are my favorites.”

Tony looks at the ceiling. “JARVIS, tell me you got that?”

“Recording has been saved, sir.”

I roll my eyes. “So what is that thing and what am I doing with it?” 

Bruce looks excited. “Okay, Tony and I have been talking about what happened in the med bay with the glass and the restraints, and the changes to your larynx, tensor tympani, and stapedius. That paired with the story you told us got me thinking about sonic frequencies. I created this machine to measure -”

He pauses to wave to someone behind me. I turn to see Barnes walk in, hands shoved sullenly in his pockets. Since our run, he’s also changed - wearing jeans and a henley that does nothing to disguise the muscles I’d been gaping at earlier. “Hey, Grumps, long time no see,” I say, playing casual.

He jerks his head in response and takes a seat near Bruce. Tony winks at me. “Just in case you go supersonic.” I scowl, but nod. I get it.

Bruce picks up where he left off. “Basically, we think that at least some of your powers lie in the ability to cause sound to vibrate at impossibly high frequencies, which would explain the changes to your voice box and ear muscles - your body adapting so you don’t hurt yourself. I made a device to measure those frequencies so we can test my theory, and I just need you to make some noise.”

“Okay, that’s easy enough. How should I begin?”

He and Tony put on noise-canceling headphones. I notice they don’t offer a pair to Barnes, but I’m not given an opportunity to ask why. 

“Start with a scream!” Tony shouts.

I glance nervously at Barnes, then give a thumbs up and open my mouth.

Two hours later, my throat is killing me and Tony has to replace several beakers, a computer screen, and one of the lab’s glass windows. Barnes looks completely unbothered.

“Sorry again, Tony,” I say as I finish putting duct tape over the cracks in the window to keep them from spreading. The tape has little Iron Man logos on it.

He holds up his hands. “No, no, it’s fine. I should have expected this. I’ll see if we can whip up a padded room for next time.”

“As long as you don’t leave me in it.”

He smirks. “Don’t tempt me.”

Bruce doesn’t even seem to notice our conversation. His little machine is plugged into the computer and the results are uploading as we speak. He suddenly raises his head, eyes gleaming.

“Tony, you gotta see this.” Tony gets a manic look as he rushes to read over Bruce’s shoulder.

“See what?” I ask.

Bruce doesn’t look away from the screen. “We measure sonic frequency in hertz. The average glass, for example, would shatter at around 550 hertz.”

I grin. “Like in a cartoon? With opera singers?”

He nods. “Exactly like that, except it’s not just in cartoons - it happens in real life. What can’t happen, however, is metal shattering in the same way. A metal like steel doesn’t even vibrate until you reach a couple thousand hertz. Nothing should be able to shatter it, especially not when the metal is vibranium like the restraints you destroyed in the med bay. The reason it’s so strong is because it’s supposed to literally absorb vibrations - you shouldn’t have been able to do what you did.”

I frown. “But I did.”

“But you did.” Tony says. “The Doc and I thought you must be able to create pretty high frequencies to pull that off, and we were right. You didn’t reach anything close to vibranium levels today, but you’re still off the charts.”

I step closer and try to read over Bruce’s other shoulder, but it’s all gibberish to me. “How high?”

“Cheech and Chong high,” Tony says.

I huff a laugh despite myself and wave my hand. “You know what, don’t bother with numbers - it won’t mean much to me anyway. Just tell me how I control it to keep from hurting people.”

They exchange a look and Tony pats me on the shoulder. “That’s what you’re going to have to figure out.”

“Great,” I say hoarsely, rubbing at my throat. “Not today, though.”

Tony starts leading me to the door of the lab. “No, kid, today, you go drink some tea or something and let the Doc and I talk science.”

I allow myself to be led into the hallway. As Tony shuts the door behind me, I can hear Barnes ask from the corner, “Does this mean what I think it means?”

I don’t wait to hear the answer. I don’t think I want to know.

******

In the afternoon, Natasha finds me on the couch in the common area, dozing off with a cup of tea in my lap. 

She sits next to me. “How’s it going?”

I sit up and wipe sleep from my eyes. “Oh, it’s going great. Steve dragged me around City Park at the speed of light this morning, and Tony and Bruce discovered I can break just about anything through the power of scream. They have no clue how to control it, though, so I get to figure it out.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “That all?”

“Sorry, I’ll stop complaining.” I sigh. “How are you?”

“Oh, you know, same old same old. Clint and I just got back from a mission.”

“How’d it go?”

Her smile is near-feral. “I had a great time. Clint, not so much, but he’ll survive.”

I take in the faint traces of blood on her utility suit. “Remind me to never fight against you, Nat.”

She nudges me playfully. “Anyway, I thought we could get started with some training now that we’re back. Wanna meet us in the gym?”

I groan and throw my head against the back of the couch. “But I already did things this morning,” I whine.

She looks at me with faux-seriousness. “Do you think the forces of evil are going to give you a cool-down period?”

I sit up with a grin. “Probably not, but if they don’t I’ll just scream at them.”

Her eyes sharpen. “Cleo, you never know what could happen in a fight. You could get injured, or restrained. They could figure out how to counteract your powers. If you really want to do this, you have to be able to hold your own without all the bells and whistles.”

I sigh, slap my cheeks a few times. “Fuck, okay, I know. You’re right. Let me change, again, and I’ll meet you there.”

When I arrive at the gym, Natasha and Clint have changed out of their utility suits and into regular workout clothes, making me feel more at home in my leggings and tank top. Clint, however, looks a little worse for wear.

His grin is still bright, though. “You came!”

I side-eye him. “I wasn’t under the impression that I had another option.”

He throws an arm around my shoulders. “You don’t, but I’m still glad to see you.” He leads me over to a section of the gym where the floor is covered with mats. Nat is waiting for us near some heavy bags.

“What happened to you?” I ask, gesturing to his eyebrow that is now half as long as its twin.

“Oh, this? I got a little bit set on fire today.”

“How do you -”

He cuts me off with a grimace. “Please don’t ask.” 

I nod and pat him on the shoulder. “Well, it looks… good - very edgy.” 

He grins.

“She’s lying, you look like an idiot,” Nat says, ignoring his squawk of protest. “To start, Cleo, let’s talk about what kind of experience you have. And keep in mind that ‘none’ is a perfectly fine answer.”

I shift on my feet, looking between the two. “I’ve been doing yoga fairly consistently for a few years. And after I was -” I catch myself. Natasha notices. “After I decided I wanted to,” I say lamely, “I took a few self-defense classes. I liked them, so I took some muay thai classes from one of the instructors. But, you know,” I gesture down at my body. “I’m obviously more pen than sword.”

Natasha looks like she wants to ask about my slip-up, but she doesn’t, and I appreciate it. “All of that will definitely help you,” she says instead. “You’ll have much better balance and core strength going in thanks to yoga, and we may be able to skip past some of the basics if you learned them already from your classes.”

She pulls me over to stand on one of the mats. “I’d like to see what you’re working with. I’m going to have Clint come at you, and you just do your best, okay? He’s moving a little slow today, so you have that working in your favor.”

He shoots her a glare, but gets into position nonetheless.

I swallow, trying not to look nervous. I can do this. This is fine. Clint is safe, and this is fine. I nod. “Okay.”

Clint keeps a carefully neutral expression on his face, and I appreciate that he isn’t trying to look menacing or falsely positive. I balance my weight evenly between both feet and wait for him to come my way.

He rushes forward and I take advantage of my height to duck under his arm. I barely evade his grasp, but he’s quick to spin and grab me from behind. I can’t see him now, I just feel his arms restraining me, and I feel a pounding in my chest. The room around me fades away, and my entire world is simply panic.

I throw my head back, smashing it into his nose, and when he loosens his grip in surprise or pain, I thrust my elbow backward into his stomach. Twisting to face him, I put my hands on his shoulders and throw all of my strength into my knee, bringing it up between his legs. He crumbles with a hoarse “Oh god.”

I back away, letting Natasha amble over to check on him, and while she’s distracted I take some deep breaths.

Not here. Not now. Hold it together, Blake.

When my legs are no longer shaking under my weight, I kneel to join Nat on the floor next to Clint. “Are you okay down here?”

He groans in response, clutching his groin.

Natasha gives his shoulder a hard pat, causing another groan, and stands up, pulling me with her. “Walk it off, buddy. We’ve had worse.” She turns to me. “Not exactly the most refined attack, but impressive nonetheless. I think this is going to come more easily to you than we expected.”

“Thanks,” I say, then shift my gaze to Clint. “Sorry, man. I sort of went on autopilot there.”

“M’fine,” he wheezes. “You did great.”

Nat frowns down at him. “I think we should call it for now. We can start fresh in a day or two, after Clint’s had a chance to rest.”

I nod and the two of us head for the door, leaving Clint on the exercise mat. “Should we help him?”

Natasha waves her hand, not even looking back. “Nah, he’ll be fine.” I shrug and follow her to the hallway. “I’m going out for a drink - want to join me?”

I smile at the offer. “Thank you, but today has been… a lot. I think I should head up to my room and rest so I’ll be fresh for tomorrow.”

She shrugs. “Suit yourself. I’ll text you the bar’s address in case you change your mind.”

I nod, then wait for her to disappear into the elevator before sprinting up the stairs to my room. As soon as I make it inside with the door shut behind me, I collapse to the ground. 

Alone now, my breathing starts to race and I can barely get any air into my lungs. Spots start to form at the edges of my vision and I scramble to press my back against the wall, balling up and hugging my knees to my chest. 

Someone is sobbing, crying “no, no, no,” but it sounds like it’s coming through a tunnel. Is it me? I slam the heel of my palm into my forehead a few times, trying to snap out of it, but I only manage to give myself a headache as I sob harder. The weight of this day and this week and this month and this entire damned life presses down into me all at once, and I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try. My heart or whatever the hell is in there pounds in my chest, my ears, my fucking fingers, and I am suddenly so, so very tired.

You can do this, Blake - you have to be able to do this.

I close my eyes, press my fingertips to my temples, and try to slow my breathing. Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Repeat. 

You have to be able to do this.

I don’t know how much time passes, but my sobbing slows and eventually stops altogether. Breathing a bit more easily now, I allow my body to slump over to the side, finding a fetal position on the floor. My arm comes under my head like a pillow, and before I know it, I’m fast asleep.

******

When I wake, it’s dark outside and my phone tells me it's one in the morning. I slowly sit up, stretching muscles that have grown quite sore between the workouts and sleeping on the hardwood floor. I sigh. I know I won’t be able to go back to sleep for a while yet, so I stand on aching legs and shuffle to my closet to change into some pajama shorts and a baggy t-shirt. I swing by the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, hoping it will ease some of the redness around my eyes, and then slip on some thick socks.

I try to be silent as I make my way to the common area, and I whisper my order to the coffee maker. Thankfully, it hears me all the same, and I take my chai tea through the door by the bar and out onto the wrap-around terrace. I ease into the first chair I see, and I’m taking a sip when someone clears their throat.

I inhale, choking on the hot drink, and whip my head around to find Barnes sitting a few chairs away. Once I’m able to stop coughing long enough to catch my breath, I exhale shakily and shoot him a small smile. “I guess that’s karma for this morning.”

His laugh is short and surprised, and I’m taken by how much I like the sound of it. “I was trying to get your attention so I didn’t startle you, but I guess I did, anyway.”

I shrug. “It’s fine, I’m the one who intruded.” I make to stand up. “I’ll just head in.”

“No!” he says, both of us looking equally surprised by the speed and volume of his outburst. “I mean, I’m just sitting out here. No need for you to leave.”

I settle back into the chair with a small smile. “Thanks.” I don’t know if it’s the quiet of this barely-morning moment, or if we’re both too exhausted to fight, but there’s a sort of ease between us that has never been there before. “Couldn’t sleep?” I ask.

He looks up at the stars. “At this point, the nights I can sleep seem to be the exception. You?”

I shake my head. “I crashed after training with Nat and Clint, so now my body’s convinced it’s morning, the little fucker.”

His smile is small, but it’s there. “You’ve had quite the day.”

I follow his gaze to the sky. “Yeah, well… I never expected it to be easy, trying to hang with the world’s mightiest heroes.”

He laughs darkly. “Right.”

I peek over at him, but he’s still looking up. “What, not feeling very mighty today, Man Bun?”

I see his eyes roll. “You’re impossible.”

I laugh, and we share a companionable silence for a few beats. I’m almost startled when he speaks again, his voice quiet and low.

“I guess I never really do. Feel mighty, that is.”

I hum. “I’d imagine you’re not alone in that, what with the massive amount of pressure you all face.”

He shakes his head with a humorless chuckle. “No, I’m pretty sure it’s just me. Steve is… he’s always had more guts than he knows what to do with. Ever since we were kids. Stark thinks he’s a gift to us all, you know that. Banner is quieter, maybe, but he’s good at the science thing and he knows it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nat falter, and Clint will probably die laughing at his own jokes one day. Thor is… well, you’ll see when you meet him, but he definitely isn’t one for self-doubt.”

Part of me wants to joke this moment away, to tell him that this is the most I’ve ever heard him speak, but I don’t. I don’t want to lose… whatever this is. “I think you’d be surprised by what goes on behind the scenes. Even the most confident people have their moments.”

Barnes glances at me. “Do you?”

My eyes widen. “You think I’m confident?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know, you always seem to get the last word. When you’re yapping about books or all this Atlantis stuff, it’s clear you know how smart you are.”

I turn, sitting criss-cross applesauce, and face him. “If I didn’t know better, Grumps, I’d think you were complimenting me.”

He glares at me, but there’s no heat in it. “I’m just making observations.”

I snort, looking down so he doesn’t see the pink in my cheeks. “Yeah, well, what you’re observing is just someone who has learned how to put up a really good front.”

Barnes sits a bit straighter and looks at me, really looks at me, a depth to his gaze that I haven’t seen before. For a moment, it’s just this - just us, sitting on a balcony with the whole of the city spread out beneath us like a twinkling, velvet blanket. My breath hitches as I realize how very blue his eyes are. Oh. Oh, no.

He opens his mouth to speak.

“Hey, I didn’t know anyone else was up!” 

We both jump, Barnes twisting quickly in his chair to face away from me. Knowing he doesn’t want to be seen looking chummy with me stings for a brief, sharp moment, but I shove that down and turn to find the source of the noise.

Clint is walking through the common area, a bandage on his nose drawing attention to the black eye I gave him earlier in the day. At some point since training, he’s apparently tried to draw in the second half of his eyebrow with a brown marker, and it looks… real bad. 

As he nears, I realize he isn’t slowing down, and I jump up.

“Clint, wait! The door -”

I’m interrupted by the slam his body makes as it rams full-speed into the clear glass.

“ - is closed…” I finish quietly. 

Clint looks up, nose gushing blood, and if I didn’t break it earlier, it’s certainly broken now. “Thanks, Cleo,” he says, voice strained. “I actually discovered that all on my own.”

[asher-agere]

Could you write more about CG Natsume? Please, I'm obssessing over it :3

FINALLY. IT’S TIME

Caregiver Natsume

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

⭑.ᐟ Natsume is a super good storyteller! I think he’d be really good at doing different voices especially, which also makes him good for acting out stories with plushies or dolls! Like, he can sound like a totally different person, he’ll also notice if his little one has a favorite voice that he does and he’ll make sure to incorporate it into everything! Each of his babies toys has its own unique voice, so he can actually come up behind them and cover their eyes and change his voice to say “Guess who?” And the little one can actually tell which toy he’s holding! It’s a very silly little game

⭑.ᐟ Natsume loves going on adventures with his little one! It can be marching around the house, having a secret meeting in the yard, exploring a park or a forest, he loves it! He’ll pack a little care bag with some snacks, basic first aid supplies, and important toys like a tiny plushie or a teether! Of course he lets the little one lead the way, this is their adventure after all! He’s simply along for the ride, a passenger in their story. He loves to point out different bugs or plants and explain what they are to his little one! He especially likes finding edible plants like berries to show his little one the wonders of nature

⭑.ᐟ He makes full use of his ability to turn into a cat. He’s very energetic in either form honestly (For his age. There’s a difference between an energetic toddler and an energetic 50 year old man), and he loves to run around playing games like tag! He’ll use his ability for better mobility, and to hide better in hide and seek! His favorite move is to transform into a cat then hide in a pile of plushies, he totally blends in. Because he’s definitely bought calico cat plushies, quite potentially just to help him blend in for these situations. But also they’re just cute! That’s the logic he says of course

⭑.ᐟ He’s a very attentive caregiver, always wants to be near his little one and doing things with them! He tries minimizing time he can’t focus on them by doing things like pre-preparing snacks! That way if his baby wants a snack he can just grab it and go! Worst case scenario it might need microwaved, but he doesn’t need to actively do much for that. He definitely constantly has sippy cups and bottles that already have juice or milk in them, milk might need heated up based on his little one’s preference, but juice is just a grab and go!

⭑.ᐟ Naps! While Natsume is a pretty active guy… Who doesn’t like a little nap every now and then? He loves to cuddle his little one all warm and cozy, always reminding them how important it is to rest up. Just a little cat nap! Also he definitely enjoys making a sort of nest with blankets and pillows, he says it helps it feel more cozy! And he is more than willing to upgrade from nest to fort as well! Making a fort is so much fun, and it makes it feel even cozier! Plus a thinner blanket makes the light shining through look like different colors and that’s really cool and soothing!

⭑.ᐟ If he ever can’t watch his baby for whatever reason he’ll guide them to Haruno and Naomi! I don’t think Natsume trusts people very easily, and while he knows many characters very well, he’s also aware many of them aren’t very trustworthy. But he lives with Haruno and she’s a lovely young lady! Plus she’s always hanging around Naomi, the two girls don’t seem to have any ill intent, he’d trust them with his little one! Of course he much prefers to watch them himself, but he has plans set up for in case he ever gets too busy!

⭑.ᐟ He buys his little one a bunch of cat themed stuff! He buys them plushies, because for one he can hide in them for hide and seek, but also he tells his little one to hug them if they ever miss him and he’ll feel the hug and go to them! Also he definitely buys them cat themed pajamas or a onesie, he likes to call them his little kitten! Plus kitty cat themed coloring books! He always likes telling them to color in a portrait of him! He’ll change into his cat form and swish his fur majestically! Those are the main three he likes to buy, but he’d also be more than happy to buy pacifiers, sippy cups, picture books, anything his little one wants!

⭑.ᐟ Natsume is an amazing listener. He’s always encouraging his baby to talk to him, prompting them using questions and stuff, always praising them too of course! If they’re only able to babble he’ll switch to cat form and meow at them! It shows that neither of them can really talk with words, but they can still mindlessly talk and it’s ok! I think he’d like the use of talking apps on tablets to communicate, that way his baby still gets to hear the words out loud if they want to try and say it, but they have an available way to communicate without needing to talk! He’s of course open to things like communication cards, sign language, communicating through drawing or writing, he’s very adaptable!

⭑.ᐟ Natsume likes his quiet solitude, he doesn’t want to share his baby! Of course if his baby really wants a play date he’d allow it, how can you say no to an adorable little one? But the entire time he’ll just be sitting off to the side watching to make sure nothing goes wrong. Honestly he’s kind of sulking. If it becomes a regular occurrence he’d learn to get used to it though! Slowly growing more comfortable with his babies friend and accepting them into their life! However it takes time to get to that point, like I said Natsume doesn’t trust very easily. He also refuses to use his ability around his little ones friend so that he can stalk them a little bit in cat form. Just a little bit!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

HOORAY FOR NATSUME. This man’s wiki page is disappointing though, I struggled to find good information about him </3

[DNI ID: A white box with a grey border. Natsume in cat form to the left and in human form to the right. Grey text reads “DNI if your blog isn’t child safe. I will block NSFW accounts” End ID]

[odiesdayoff]

So Undercover (3)

pair: Dark!Edward Nashton x fem!reader

summary: You get a little too caught up in an undercover job to unravel the Riddler.

warnings: intimidation; threats; murder; gaslighting; stalking; mentions of past noncon/smut

Part 2

“He called me a whore. Said I needed to be taught a lesson.” You wrapped your arms around Edward’s neck and buried your face into his shoulders. He got to the library as fast as he possibly could, in just about twenty minutes from the time you called. “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

He gently stroked your back and let you cry into his shirt. “They made you talk to a serial killer and didn’t think that he would target you?”

You shook your head. “It’s not even a successful thing. I barely know anything about him and he knows everything about me. I think he’s going to kill me.”

With how hard you were crying, Edward’s smirk was unseen by you. He couldn’t help it. You’d fallen right into his little trap. “It’ll be okay.” You pulled away from him and allowed him to wipe the tears from your cheeks. 

~~

It was all too…surreal. To say the least. Going back to the precinct, back to work after everything that happened. You tried to hide the heat that remained on your cheeks, surely leaving at least a small tint of color different from the hue of your skin. How could embarrassment feel so much worse after the fact? All you had to do was go into the commissioner’s office and tell him that the mission was pointless. It was like telling a parent that they were wrong. 

You pushed open the thick oak doors and immediately locked eyes with the man. Pete Savage. You didn’t exactly know what his deal was, but he was never one of the “good” or “not corrupt” cops in the bunch. The doors squeaked unceremoniously shut behind you. It was then that you no longer felt like an adult, but rather a kid who was called to the principal’s office. “I wanted to talk about the Riddler Case, sir. I, well, I don’t think it’s working.” The words articulated themselves much better when you practiced them in the bathroom mirror. 

He gestured to the chair on the other side of the desk and you hesitantly took a seat. You couldn’t control the way your leg began to bounce, even with your hand resting on it. “What’s the problem?” His voice was attempting to sound kind, though the hint of annoyance still seeped through. It was still up in the air whether he was only being kind because he felt bad for you or it was just because you were a woman. 

“I no longer feel safe in my home or at work. I don’t know if you’ve seen the report from the other night, but my apartment was broken into. That, and the… sample I provided.” The embarrassment crept up once again, blood rushing to your cheeks. Admitting that a crime so personal had occurred seemed to be worse than the crime itself.

He gave you a lone nod and sighed. Was…he stopping himself from rolling his eyes? “I’m aware. I couldn’t help but notice that there were no signs of a break-in and as for the sample, are you sure it wasn’t some residue of a night you don’t want to admit to your boss?” The smirk grew as he began to think of the situation. 

“He made a key. That also means he’s been there before.” The idea had only just come to your mind. What if he’s been in your apartment while you were sleeping? You wouldn’t put it past him. You had already asked your landlord to change the locks of your front door. “And at the library. He cornered me and threatened me.”

He folded his hands and leaned forward. “You’re aware that our insurance policy covers psychiatric care, right? We have no evidence to confirm that you’re in danger. I’ll relieve you from this case for your own sake.”

You wanted to scream, cry, protest, and tell him exactly how he was wrong. Instead, you weakly nodded. You should’ve known he wouldn’t take you seriously. “Thank you, sir.” Tears threatened to spill, but you held yourself together.

In the back room again, you sorted files while angrily whispering your complaints about the commissioner. Pete Savage was nothing but a ridiculous misogynist. Corrupt, too. How can you be presented with all this information and still claim that you weren’t in danger? Who knows what might’ve happened had you not been able to use the fire escape? Not like he would care all that much.

Annette leaned against the doorframe, watching you as she usually did when she didn’t want to do her job. “Thompson told me about some secret mission you were doing while I was away. Also, I heard you just got thrown off of it.” You didn’t know what to call her slightly mocking tone. Was it holier-than-thou? I told you so?

“I left.” Anything more than a curt response was more than she deserved.

“Mhm. Well, I wouldn’t do anything like that. Not in the job description.” Like she ever did what was in her job description. That would be far too much to ask of her. How you were getting paid less than her and remain her subordinate only cemented the existence of extreme corruption in this precinct.

You angrily set the files on the floor. Well, more passive-aggressively than angry. “I was just trying to help.”

You had to keep pushing the thought of the videos and photos existing as a form of blackmail to the back of your mind. So what if you lost your job? It’s not that you necessarily enjoyed it. Life would be so much better if you could leave it and this whole godforsaken city behind you. 

~~

The older man at the desk worked relatively slowly to take in your phone and laptop. He only raised a brow when you asked for the same makes and models to trade in. “Most people choose the upgrade plan for an extra hundred.” He would repeat this until you could no longer count them on two hands. 

The sun had set by the time you reached your apartment. Your landlord handed you the new keys to the locks right as you stepped into the building. For the first time in a while, you felt safe. Nobody was watching anymore. You could breathe. 

As soon as your laptop connected to the wifi, you started to look through the online job forums. The sooner you get away from the precinct, the better. With each link you pressed, the screen would flash entirely black, only for a fraction of a second. Must’ve been a buggy site.

You sipped your tea and continued to look through the job openings. It had been quite a while since you had to do this. You were lucky enough to get your job straight out of school. Maybe you’d actually get paid what you deserved this time. 

The screen flashed again, this time a deep shade of green. You lost control of your cursor. It inched towards the top of the screen, your eyes following it while running your finger across the touchpad. It opened a new tab and then started typing. 

<?> DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET RID OF ME <?>

You nearly choked on your tea. The laptop redirected to the same website you used to chat before. You stood from your chair. How could he possibly get in so fast? After you had been so careful? 

<?> You forgot about the windows.

He was right. You hated that he was right. In the rush of trying to cover all of your bases, you’d forgotten one of the most crucial entrances to your apartment. For all you knew, he was already through and waiting for you to try and close them. 

The front door. You could leave through there, call the GCPD, and he’d have nowhere to go. A one-way ticket to prison, or more realistically, Arkham. And you’d finally have the sense of freedom and relief you’ve been desperately wanting. 

First, the deadbolt. Then, the lock on the doorknob. You expected to see your escape when you frantically swung open the door, but there he stood. A boot collided with the door when you tried to close it on him. One gloved hand wrapped around your neck, the other on your hip.

This wasn’t like the library. That was public and he had to somewhat keep his plan contained. One curious bystander trying to be a hero could ruin everything. You were entirely in private, especially after he pushed himself in and kicked the door shut. 

“You’re so predictable. Naive. How did I know you’d try to outsmart me? I’ll give it to you, you’ve got a lot more going on in that head of yours than any of those cops you work with or politicians you work for. You’re still nothing compared to me.” He pushed you further back into your living room as he spoke. Maybe he was right all along and he knew you more than you knew yourself. He saw right through you. 

You clawed at his hand, scratching the leather in an attempt to loosen his grip. “I’m done. I’m not working with them anymore!”

The hand on your neck moved to gently stroke your hair. It would’ve been comforting if not for the leather catching and pulling the hair by accident. His other hand pulled you closer, against his chest. “I know, I know. That doesn’t matter anymore.” He cooed, voice still distorted by the mask. “Do you still have my gift?” 

There’s no way in hell you would admit that you kept it. The biggest reason wasn’t sentimental, you just had no idea where you could possibly throw it away. It’s been gathering dust in your closet ever since that night.

You couldn’t tell if he was smiling at your hesitancy and subsequent lack of an answer. “Don’t worry, why use it when you have the real thing right here? After all, I deserve a thank you.”

“For what?” You stumbled back farther until you hit your kitchen counter. It was then that you knew you were cooked. He pressed his body against yours, feeling the heat of his jacket seep through your shirt. 

“Your promotion.” His hands roamed around your body. He slightly chucked at the sight of your confused expression. “I take it they haven’t found her body yet.”

Your voice was barely above a whisper. “Body?”

He stroked your hair. “Can’t say I don’t do anything for you. There’s a phone in my back pocket for you to call her doorman to make sure. Maybe she’ll still be kicking.” 

Shaking like a leaf, you reached into his back pocket. The device you felt was a burner, blocky, and lacking a touch screen. The number, saved as DOORMAN , was preset and ready for you to dial. You held the phone to your ear and listened to the dial tone. 

The man answered with little to no emotion. Probably nearing the end of his shift. “Hi. I need you to check on the woman that lives in C11.” You couldn’t tell if the fear in your voice was evident through the microphone. 

“Who’s this? Why are you calling?” He didn’t seem to care. None of the urgency that you desperately needed was there.

You shook your head. “No, no. That’ll waste time! I think she’s going to hurt herself and I need you to go up there right now.” The Riddler’s hands trailed lower on your body, caressing your thighs. 

The doorman shuffled from his seat and you could faintly hear him walking up the stairs to Annette’s apartment unit. He knocked, but the door was opened slightly already. The squeak of the hinges was caught by the phone’s mic. 

He screamed and you didn’t need to know what he was seeing for your heart to fall to your stomach. The first tear broke the seal and you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. Hands pressed against your panties, trying to increase the friction of the fabric against your clit. “Who are you? Why did you do this?” The questions were directed towards you.

“I, I didn’t…” None of the words could form in your mouth. They could barely appear in your brain in the first place. The phone was snatched from your hand and the call ended. He threw the phone on the floor. Your hands were now free to try and keep his at bay. “What do you want from me?”

“At first, I wanted to see how much you GCPD pigs knew about me. I’ll have to admit, you intrigued me.” He caught a grip on your wrists and pushed your hands against the counter. “You don’t even know what you do to me, baby. I just want you.” If it wasn’t him, it would’ve made you swoon. It could have even been sultry. Maybe if Edward had said it.

“No. No, I’m nothing special.” You weren’t sure what your tactic was anymore. All you needed him to do was leave you alone. Preferably forever, but just tonight would work as well.

Through the mask, his eyes narrowed. He shook his head. “Don’t think like that. You can help me fix this city. Fix me .”

[all-for-the-game-confessions]

Omg lolol shit’s getting wild abt the Thea Kevin Jean argument

This is longer than I intended to make it but oh well

TW for mentions of rape and rape culture, and the to some perceived as wilful ignorance of those close to rape victims (mind you: I do not mean to say they are actually wilfully ignorant, merely that some may interpret it that way).

Also trigger warning for a very unpopular opinion at the end and a perhaps patronising tone occasionally (I am in fact aware of this and not in the mood to change it. Sometimes I want to emulate that annoying condescending bitch vibe. Go suck a dick about it.)

Lets start first with: trauma isn’t comparable and shouldn’t ever be. It’s like comparing apples with pears: a pear cannot be the best apple and the apple cannot be the best pear, they are simply not the same. Every person is different, has different circumstances, different interpretations, different reactions. To compare one person to the other is just plain stupid.

Now that that’s established, let’s move on to the next point: Everyone in a cult is a victim, except for the leader. There are certainly those that should be held responsible for their actions, but in the end, they too are victims, no matter how horrible and selfish their actions. Thea, unlike what many people think, was NOT aware of the abuse Jean and Kevin went through. This is IN CANON confirmed by Jean as he says that he and Kevin did their very best to hide Riko’s abuse from the other Ravens. Thea would not have known that Jean was raped, and if she knew that he was 16 y/o she likely wouldn’t have seen him having sex with the backliners because there was in fact a borderline rape culture in the nest in which everyone fucked everyone mostly to get rid of frustrations they couldn’t let interfere in their game on the court. To Thea, it would not have been that weird as Jean and the backliners were already on bad terms and sex was just way to vent that. Upon reflection she might realise that it was fucked up, but with no outside contact and thus no way to compare her current situation with reality, it was extremely unlikely for her to think too deep on it.

Now on to the Thea hate reasons. It’s stupid to make up a moral reasoning for your dislike of a character. I think many people feel as if simply disliking someone is not enough and they need to justify themselves toward the crowd and moral reasoning is a very effective tool in some cases. I also don’t think anyone is purposefully making up misinformation about Thea just to use that as moral reasoning for their dislike, I think they are simply misremembering and haven’t bothered to double check. I do condemn them for thinking Nora would let one of the most important characters in the story be endgame with a groomer. Like…… come on.

I also don’t think people necessarily hate Thea because of race. I think a lot of people didn’t know that Muldani was a SE Asian surname, myself included, and I don’t think when they saw her described as black/dark skinned they purposefully and consciously decided that was the reason they were going to hate her. I think the anon that accused people of disliking her bc of race didn’t mean it like this but the accusing tone makes it sound as if they do think that

Now if we’re talking about SUBCONSCIOUSLY disliking her due to her race OR her gender That is very much possible. Racism and misogyny are subtle like that. If you want to see if you have any of this subtle stuff in your brain, your best take with Thea is likely comparing her to other characters you do like who have similar dynamics or traits and then asking why you don’t like them in Thea. This is probably also what that anon meant but they worded it a bit unfortunate. I am a very positive thinker as you may have noticed. Anyway. Take Jean and Renee, they have a four year age gap (Neil mentions in Trk that Nicky was 23 and the second oldest in the team after Renee, meaning Renee is 23 or older. This is either during Nicky’s trauma dump moment in the library, or earlier when he tells the upperclassmen and Neil abt the twins’ backstory). If you still like Jeannee regardless, ask yourself why you don’t like it with Kevin and Thea. If you don’t ship Jean and Renee, then Jean and Jeremy, they have a 3 year age gap.

If you don’t like that Thea ‘acts’ as if she doesn’t know Jean was raped, then why do you find it okay that Kevin doesn’t know. Because it’s said in canon? Kevin was more aware of Riko’s cruelty, Thea had to be shown Jean to be convinced by Kevin that Riko or Tetsuji or any of the Ravens (as she didn’t know who had broken Kevin’s hand) that Kevin’s hand wasn’t an accident. If you can forgive Kevin for his ignorance, why can’t you extend the same courtesy to Thea? If you don’t find a good answer for those questions or any similar to them, ask yourself why that is. If you still don’t like Thea that’s still completely fucking valid. You don’t have to like her. She wasn’t exactly presented as a beautiful and kind goddess with the sun shining perfectly behind her (Do not interpret that sentence as me saying Thea or black women aren’t beautiful kind goddesses, leave those ideas behind in Delululand. Thea was just not presented as such. Significant difference. ) and you’re allowed to dislike or even hate characters without any solid reason for it, just beware that it’s not your subconscious talking

Which brings me to my next point.

I am fully neutral on Andrew and Renee. I don’t mind them as characters and I don’t mind them in certain ships with characters I do like, I just don’t care for them at all.

So let’s make our next discussion topic: why is Riko more interesting than Andrew and Renee combined? I don’t ship him with anyone, in fact, I ship Andrew and Renee far more with people than I ever will with Riko but something about him is just so so so fascinating. Like a car accident so horrible and wild that you need to know all the physics about it, everything that happened every minute leading up until the moment of the present, in which you are left with a gruesome wreckage of a character. I wanna carve him apart inspect every piece of him and where it comes from and how it echoes through the expanse of time. He had no control over anything in his life so is that why he hurt Kevin and Jean so much? Only his sadism seems so superficial. He calls himself a king and yet he was a puppet. How much of him is his inferiority complex, how much is love and how do those he love fit into his worldview and how much does he want to be loved? Is he a sociopath? A narcissist? A normal boy taught the wrong thing? Could he have been different had he not lived with Tetsuji? If Tetsuji had never mentioned to Kengo that he wanted Kevin and thus Kayleigh was still alive, how would being alone in the Nest have been for Riko? How would his relationship with Nathaniel and Jean been different without Kevin. Why is he nice in front of the team? Why is it that only Kevin and Jean know how cruel he is? I HAVE QUESTIONS

.

[thenightfolknetwork]

I need help. I am a changeling. At least, I think I am. For my own sake, I hope I am.

You see, I’ve been changing my face for years. Pretending to be someone else because I know that our kind aren’t always accepted. But now, I feel a bit lost. I have prosopagnosia. Face blindness.

This isn’t actually as big of a problem as it may seem, because usually the moment I do see a face, I can make a perfect one in response. I’ll look like whatever they want me to. And that’s fine, I suppose. For the most part.

But the problem is, I’ve forgotten my own face. I used to be able to remember it well enough, I think. But now I can’t seem to recall it at all. And it’s been getting worse. Even my voice can’t seem to return to normal, if there even was a normal to begin with.

I’m scared now. My face and voice are my own, but at the same time, I’m acutely aware that they aren’t. They are attached to my body, if that’s any indication of self. But the person I see in the mirror is not me. Sometimes it looks nothing like me. I worry that my thoughts are starting to become something else entirely.

If I can’t remember the voice in my throat, how can I trust the voice in my head? The hands writing these words?

My friend confronted me the other day. Called me a fake, an evil thing. And of course, I became one, without even thinking. I hurt them. I didn’t mean to.

I can’t trust my head, my face, my past. What if I’ve always been this evil thing? What if I never was a true changeling, just a fake, desperate to change my face? How do I figure out what I am, when I don’t remember who I used to be? How can I hope to find my true form again, when every time I look in the mirror, I see the monster that I am?

Oh, my dear reader. You poor thing. This sounds horribly frightening, and I am so glad you've been able to reach out and ask for help.

I don't believe for one moment that you are “an evil thing”. I also don't believe that the person who called you that is any kind of friend to you.

You are experiencing profound and distressing disruptions to your sense of identity – you need to be treated with care and kindness, not accusations. What's more, you deserve that kindness. You deserve to be helped.

Before I go on, it would be remiss of me not to address the issue of language and terminology here, though more for our other readers than for you in particular. I will not waste too much time on the matter.

It will suffice to acknowledge that while terms like “evil” and “monster” have be reclaimed by some in our community – and enthusiastically so, at that – they are far from universally accepted. It's clear from your letter that you do not view these words or concepts as liberating or radical.

I urge the rest of our audience to please respect that difference of opinion, and to remember that what one member of our community chooses to call themselves need not reflect on how others use those words. I will have very little patience for anyone wading into my inbox to complain that the language here is somehow “malevolent phobic”.

Now, back to the matter at hand. I am reminded of a letter I answered some years back from a listener wrestling with ideas of identity around somatic instability. In their case, they were concerned about whether or not they could ever be said to know their friend's “real” self, when that friend transformed regularly in different contexts.

The circumstances between you and that person are considerably different, of course. But I believe the same philosophy that helped their might help you, too.

You were once one person, and have since grown and changed and become someone new. It is a statement that applies to every person who has ever lived. Please, try to let go of this unreasonable expectation of constancy.

As much as you can, I want you to unlearn this narrative of a single, static “self”. There is no unyielding kernel at your centre which defines all that you are, and as such, there is no way for you to somehow deviate from who you “really” are. You cannot help but be yourself – there is nobody else you can possibly be.

(At least, assuming you have ruled out the possibility of surreptitious cohabitation. If you suspect you may, in fact, be possessed or otherwise inhabited, please pursue that course of enquiry before continuing any further.)

Uncontrolled shifting is a well documented, if poorly understood, phenomenon, either as genetic trait, the result of a curse or divine punishment, or as a stress response. Speaking to people in similar circumstances, whether online or in person, will hopefully help you feel less alone – and less “monstrous”.

Finally, I strongly encourage you to seek out professional support to treat the underlying issues at play. You have become so used to habitually shifting your identity to meet other people's expectations, you find it almost impossible to resist doing so – even when the results are unpleasant for you and for others.

That isn't an issue with your body, reader. It's an issue with your self-esteem, and your compulsive desire to minimise your own wishes to make way for others. It will be a long and difficult road to unlearn those habits and to accept yourself as you are. But I truly believe you can find a way to live authentically from moment to moment, even as time carries you unerringly away from the person you were, and onwards, to the person you're becoming.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[yuseirra]

Heheh. I was contemplating a bit on posting this one, but I have people enjoying my posts and I'm really happy about that///

I take an interest in psychology, right? It's even my major? I mean, that doesn't exactly help directly when it comes to interpreting characters but I can certainly say I really like that field and take an interest in it and I'm pretty keen on it, I'm sure

About that Hikaru guy, I DEFINITELY would not have been confused as much if they just shared us about what exactly the heck is going on in his mind. I'm good with that stuff. They don't till the very end and there's so little to make out from, that's the problem, what's been presented isn't adequate enough to determine of his character. They leave it empty. If only they did, I'd have caught things immediately. Anyhow, there were things I picked up so for those who care for that character, who really think there was more to him than being a psycho murderer cult leader of some sort(oh my god) I hope this will be a fun read. This isn't my work so I can certainly be off.

Here's what I wrote last night making clear of my thoughts:↓

Haha, I feel so silly…;; I write a lot about this manga, don’t I?

It’s really bothering me because it’s so strange. I feel like I need to set aside some time to organize everything I’ve written about Oshi no Ko. I’ve written way too much, and I feel pathetic for it… Am I being a nuisance?

I keep repeating the same things, and it feels like I’m not saying anything particularly insightful.

But these thoughts don’t come up intentionally; they just pop into my mind, like, “Isn’t this not right?” or “Could it really be this?” This manga just keeps nagging at me, and it doesn’t properly explain things. It keeps touching on topics that I find deeply serious, yet it fails to express them well. It’s frustrating.

I’m really serious when I say I think I’m right about this, that this interpretation is correct (it’s about that myth-related hypothesis).

But I am aware that sounds too fantasy… It feels so lonely.(THERE ISN'T ANY OTHER WAY TO MAKE SENSE OF THINGS THOUGH! I'M SURE!!)

It makes me wonder: Am I stupid? Am I misunderstanding something? But no, I see it—this seems right, doesn’t it? I get confused because the story doesn’t fully unravel itself, leaving me in a constant state of chaos.

There are things that seem so clear to me, yet they also feel like a mirage. So I can’t be confident in my thoughts, even though I feel like I’ve found the answer.

It’s just something I naturally feel.

That’s why I keep analyzing it—because I think I’m right.

Why did the creators make this so confusing? What’s the reason?

Is he really a villain? Why are those elements present? He isn’t, is he? Then the story shouldn’t have been written that way.

It’s not like I have no intuition—I mean, when Chapter 154 came out, did many people immediately think, “That situation is a lie. He’s lying, and there must be another explanation”? Because that’s what I thought right away. Something felt off.

Later, the story changed and revealed a completely different context, didn’t it?

I just naturally thought that’s what would happen. I expected a different context because the explanation given earlier didn’t make sense!

The narrative in Chapter 154 was strange. The idea that Ai’s boyfriend’s attempted on scaring her didn’t align with his reactions shown alongside it. Not only did the whole described situation seem strange (like, how didn't he see it coming? That things could end up in disaster), the way he reacts didn't quite match up with his words either. Normally, in such cases, the spoken words are lies, and the emotions or behaviors tend to reflect the truth. That’s why you focus on expressions or demeanor rather than words when that happens.

Take Ryosuke, for example. People like him usually blame others. After stabbing Ai, he justified it by blaming her, saying, “It’s your fault! You’re the problem!” It’s a way to distance themselves from their wrongdoing. It’s petty, but people like that can harm others because they’re in a mindset where they justify causing pain to the other person. It’s also a form of self-preservation—a rationalization to protect themselves from admitting they’re a bad person.

If Kamiki had intended to harm Ai, he wouldn’t focus the blame on himself. Instead, he’d react defensively, saying things like, “She treated me poorly, so I lashed out. How could she do that to me?” That’s a more natural reaction. There should’ve been some defensive attitude. To be fair, he did state that Ai had her cruel sides and he despaired. But other than that, he doesn’t justify himself. Instead, he’s resigned, self-deprecating, going as far to say it was only natural for Ai to leave him. That's the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of the reaction someone can have towards a situation like that, compared to Ryosuke. He's too accepting to the point of being condescending of oneself.

But you know what? That suits his personality. He’s been that way his whole life. There’s even a scene where he blames himself when someone dies. His attitude is consistent and not a façade. This doesn’t align with someone who would harm others for selfish reasons. If he hurt anyone, the type of reasoning he'd have would be that it would only be for Ai’s sake, not his own.

And the songs—oh, the songs. They keep talking about offering something, about doing it for Ai or to see her again. Soo that REALLY is him in those songs. Those display exactly how this guy functions.

In my view, Kamiki is that guy who can't daren't harm Ai, no matter what. Even if he could harm the entire world—even his children(seriously though??)—he wouldn’t hurt Ai. If anything, he’d die before letting her die.

When I first read this manga, I never thought I’d arrive at such an evaluation. I didn’t have any particular thoughts about him back then. When I learned about his past, I just thought, Oh, that’s unfortunate. But why did he do that to Ai? But then his reactions started to seem off. Why would he even hurt Ai? Just why would he? I don't think he'd ever attempt on such a thing. There are too many missing pieces.

And it was right around that time when Fatal dropped too. With that song being there and ch 154 happening at the same time, I just knew.

His reactions wasn’t an act. Why would he be acting there? He was genuinely there to praise the movie one last time and see his kids. He even said he’d go turn himself in after meeting Aqua. Then, after seeing Ai’s video, it seemed like he changed his plans.

Kamiki’s reaction to Ai’s video wasn’t something he could’ve predicted or faked. Before that, he might’ve lied to ease Aqua’s burden, thinking of Aqua as his and Ai’s son and wanting to lessen his guilt. He had already decided to turn himself in because, in his mind, Ai’s death was his fault, regardless of the circumstances. Having his dad going to jail or "paying for his crimes" could affect Aqua, you know? I think he was trying to be considerate(and that IS consistent throughout the different chapters!! He's always had a soft spot for Aqua, we never see him being mean to him when they talk)

When Kamiki and Aqua meet later, Kamiki insists he didn’t do anything and recounts the events surrounding Ai’s death. This happens before Aqua pulls out his knife, before Kamiki realizes why Aqua has come. At that point, Kamiki doesn't know Aqua’s true intentions. Did he know Aqua came to kill him? He didn't, right? He only inquires about that like two chapters later. He even asks if Aqua wants to see Ruby together with him. Ultimately, at the very end, he didn’t want to be misunderstood to his own son, right? Isn't that what's going on? And at that point, he’s watched Ai’s video, so he realizes that she wanted to help him with her children. He probably felt grateful towards Aqua for having shown him the video? Then why would he lie to Aqua in that situation?

How did they end up meeting there in the first place?;; Where are they? What is going on in this manga?? Pretty sure Tsukuyomi told Aqua to go and get the dad or sth and told his whereabouts, she's probably behind it all wanting Kamiki dead bc he's a corrupted god that needs to be eliminated

Honestly, I think Kamiki would pretty much be innocent when it comes to Ai.

After Chapter 154, I started to keep up with the series more intently, and as Chapter 155 came along, I noticed Kamiki’s reactions didn’t fit someone who harmed Ai. If he were guilty, he would’ve shown more denial in that chapter, like, “It wasn’t my fault. It was your fault.” or "There's no way you loved me Ai, this is all a lie!" That’s a natural defense mechanism for someone who’s been kept from the truth for 15 years. If he's the culprit, that'd mean he's the one who brought everything upon himself and he'd want to deny the very fact he's messed everything up and is totally undeserving of Ai's love, right?

(I'm sure I've made some analysis about this when that chapter dropped too but, even Aqua's reactions towards this situation's pretty weird. If Kamiki really were to be the one who'd staged the crime, Aqua should have displayed more anger, called him a murderer, grabbed him by the collar or something because what he's claimed to have done is absolutely unforgivable, but the point Aqua makes is about Kamiki "not understanding Ai", which means, what he's concerned of is about Kamiki never having realized Ai's really loved him all along. If he's the one that's instigated Ai's murder, then he really doesn't deserve that anyway. But Aqua does want to get that across to him and that's what's important. I don't know about Aqua but I would sure fail to keep my cool in a situation like that.)

But instead, he just curled up, placed his hands on Ai's on the screen, and couldn’t say anything. This reaction he had really surprised me when I encountered it at first because it was like the mildest and softest reaction anyone could have at that that kind of situation.

That’s a tough reaction to interpret, but it’s not what you’d expect from someone guilty of hurting Ai. It feels more like he truly realized how much Ai cared for him and couldn’t even get angry—just accepting it and feeling the pain. I'm assuming he was like that to Ai when they were together. Just really lenient, really allowing and pretty much soft and tender when it came to her.

From there, it seemed like he resolved to do something for Ai. What that was remains unclear, but maybe he decided to sacrifice himself or find a way to bring Ai back to life. Perhaps that’s why he thought he couldn’t die yet in Chapter 162.

His initial mindset was, “I’ll gladly accept my punishment since Ai didn’t love me anyway. But I want to see the kids one last time.” But after seeing the video, he couldn’t let go of Ai.

His emotional responses show how much he genuinely loved Ai. Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel like an unhealthy or twisted love. I usually pick up on that kind of thing, but with them, it feels like they truly loved each other.

They probably did their best for one another. There doesn’t seem to be much animosity between them. So did Kamiki really harm Ai? I keep doubting it.

There must be a reason the creators wrote it this way. They aren’t incapable of portraying unhealthy emotions like Ryosuke’s. Kamiki’s feelings seem different—more genuine.

Anyway, this post got ridiculously long again, didn’t it? Whenever I type my thoughts out, they just keep flowing.

And there are just too many parallels to mythology to ignore. Without mythology, the manga’s later developments and certain elements wouldn’t make sense.

It’s not that I actively try to think about these things—I just naturally reach these conclusions. To me, they’re obvious. That’s why I keep questioning if I’ve misunderstood something, and it makes my head hurt. I’m not intentionally thinking about it; the conclusions just come to me, and I immediately write them down.

Because of that, I kept analyzing Kamiki despite the serious accusations against him.

It’s not that I tried to defend or idealize him—I just didn’t think he was guilty from what was shown. I was confident, but it was stressful because the future was uncertain.

You can definitely like and find a character like this fascinating. It’s possible. But for me, from the beginning, my interpretation was based on the premise that there’s something more going on, and I don’t think he did it.

Looking at how things have unfolded, sticking to that perspective wasn’t entirely in vain. If he were the culprit, it would’ve been straightforward to just capture him and define him as Ai's killer, but that’s not what happened. I really don’t think he’s guilty.

As for his reasoning or motives, I’ve explained those in other posts, so I won’t go into them here.

This has been so frustrating. The subject matter is unsettling, and I didn’t want to defend or romanticize him. But I didn’t think he was guilty, and the songs were just too strong. Every time I listen to them, I think, How could I not consider this pairing? The emotions are overwhelming.

It’s such a peculiar manga.

I don’t like being in the minority or having opinions that clash with others, so it’s been quite burdensome. Kamiki’s situation is objectively problematic. It's been so stressful finding and thinking about things that seemingly oppose what the story intially seemed to suggest, it was SUCH a tough road to take,

But what can I do when I see these things? If I’m wrong, then the creators failed to express their intentions. That’s how it feels to me, though I usually wouldn’t say such things.

[watsername]

Are you fully removing yourself from dtblr now?

i’ve made a post with a brief summary of my thoughts and feelings right now but ur not the only person to ask so ill make another . the short answer is not really . long answer under the cut. we’re actually getting into my whole mental breakdown as well so tw for graphic desc of sa

i just need some time to figure things out . i know i sound like a broken record saying it but sa is not an easy topic to deal with for me personally . im aware that the situation was somewhat blown out of proportion and it doesn’t actually compare to the genuine coercion and force i experienced but the past few days have been heavy .

a lot of it is because of the frequency, i am so happy that people have been comfort so enough to come forward about their experiences but there has been a complete lack of nuance regarding all of these situations it’s been very reactionary and coming online seeing never ending untagged borderline graphic descriptions of sexual assault or rape affects me physically . it’s been 3 years and i still experience physical symptoms after being triggered . my ears start ringing, i get dizzy and out of breath and nauseous and i cry . bc i remember how terrible i felt . and nuts something that still affects my relationships to this day.

one thing about it is that i can really sympathise with caiti . our cases are different, i verbally and physically refused physical advances from my abuser but after it happened i found myself trying to justify it because I invited him to watch a movie with me I didn’t push him away enough and someone was interested in me!! at least someone was interested in me . and it’s why i have a hard time regarding the ‘regret’ comments . because i don’t know that if people knew my story they’d say i was just regretting being intimate with him and stating that because i now felt violated after regretting the experience it didn’t mean i was violated on the night . i don’t think my abuser knows what he did to me . but it doesn’t change the fact that he forced me into that situation . i also want to say i don’t really consider touching someone’s waist sexual assault . it can be a form of unwanted physical contact that makes you uncomfortable but the act unfollowed by any sexual contact is not sexual assault . i do believe her feelings are real however and i can sympathise with that delayed fear and discomfort .

this is not an isolated incident as i’m sure we are all aware . for as long as dtblr has been around there have been controversies of sex crime. a lot of them have been faked, we all remember the period of 2021-22 where there was a new burner account every week accusing a member of the dteam of sa until bbh threatened legal action against one of them . and then there was the drituation . although these were faked, they contained extremely triggering details of grooming and assault. i needed time away then too . i’ve said this through every drummy ache but nothing is worth our physical and mental suffering. there is no creator no person that i would allow myself to suffer for .

the internet is reactionary. people will say things and blow things out of proportion to further their moral activity even if it means deliberately spreading triggering misinformation as a punch in the gut to make people agree . i’m not talking about the victims right now but rather the reactions from fans . over the past few weeks we’ve seen allegations of varying degrees aligned in badness with one another when that simply isn’t the case . sensationalising trauma is the new in thing and it prevents private conversations where there should be some and it’s encouraged by fans online so they can get a fix of their daily drama .and i understand it’s because it’s involving large creators and people want to spread awareness of their behaviour but the line has to be drawn somewhere between what should be public and private matters and there has been a mix of both in the past few weeks .

this need to ‘take down’ someone as opposed to discussing matters in a private setting to come to an understanding of the events without the influence of the public has created a spectacle of sexual assault. anything that is mildly uncomfortable or inappropriate is being labelled as on par with sexual abuse or rape which is not the case at all and it’s creating environments that are actively harmful to survivors by having their traumas brought up where it isn’t necessary or equating people who have made mistakes or bad decisions to their abusers .

this is something that has been ongoing since 2020 and will continue to happen with varying degrees of validity behind these comments and its up to us as viewers to decide what’s real and fake depending on the evidence before us but we don’t know what’s been taken out of context what’s been fabricated what’s straight up slander vs what is real admissions of harmful behaviour and its exhausting to wade through . it might seem selfish that i’m kind of saying i don’t want to know about other peoples sa experiences but i dont . i don’t want to have to wade through pages upon pages of details or hours upon hours of proof to accuse or debunk someone of a topic that physically affects me .

i’ve already said i’m not becoming an anti i hold no serious denouncement of the dteam at all but i need to consider fandom dynamics and if i am willing to deal with these accusations over and over again because we all know it’s not going away . dream had people ADMIT they faked his grooming allegations and it’s still held against him . george did make someone uncomfortable and it’s not up to me to dictate caitis feelings on that but george’s perspective does put into play a perspective of body language that is being weaponised to jump to sa rather than bad communication and awareness of the situation . it’s a lot . and i need time to get myself into a better headspace and figure out if im willing to be involve in further reference of these events .

and also fuck quackity bc ppl are using the past few days to say oh quackity is the only good one left as if he’s not literally being monitored by international labour unions

::

im adding on a few things . i am uncomfortable with the way some people have been making light of the whole situations here . there’s borderline (fully) misogynistic posts flying around that are being shared as jokes and memes but it really diminishes the weight of some of the situations at hand and as well as the very real women discussing their situations . im not calling anyone out bc this is has been shared all over my dash so its clear that this is just a preference of mine that i personally find discomforting but i hate the way it makes me feel seeing posts relating abuse of women to homosexuality even though it is in a joking manner it just made me really uncomfortable .

im also tired of the words abuse and assault being thrown around without grounded evidence. there has been no sexual situations as far as we are aware . there has been no sexual contact as far as we are aware . there needs to be distinctions between what is discomfort or creepy and what is exploitation or abuse . i’ve been around lots of creepy guys but only one has sexually assaulted me . throwing words around without any substance behind them diminishes the value of the word until people see it as just another insult . by insinuating touching someone’s waist, although uncomfortable to caiti where she was unsure how to address she did not want that to happen, is a form of sexual assault it creates a form of radicalism of sexual abuse where it becomes is every uncomfortable touch a sex crime? no it’s not. it’s going to trivialise what it means to have been assaulted and being invalidation to victims from wider audiences with lines like ‘let me guess a guy touched your shoulder and you screamed assault’ . we are already blamed for what happened to us and to further trivialise it by mislabelling your discomfort and bad experiences as abusive or exploitative it’s providing a potential fan to those flames . and that’s why i say although i believe caiti is valid in the way she feels that her discomfort and delayed trauma is valid i do not believe she was a victim of a sex crime but rather she was in a position where she was made uncomfortable by a creepy older guy .

im also just so fucking tired to logging on to sex scandals of the dream team where everyone was 18+ and no sex occurred because at that point it’s just digging up anything you can to prove someone else’s hypothesis to be semi reality .

george did fuck up . he made a very young woman uncomfortable and should have prioritised reaching out to her to apologise for her discomfort and subsequent emotional weight instead of an extremely defensive take that, yes, can provide further situation but ultimately comes off as a take disregarding of the very real feelings that caiti was experiencing in order to prove people wrong . he is allowed to defend himself but the emotional impact on caiti should have been a lot better acknowledged . i just wanted to make sure that people were aware that despite the fact i do not think george is a sexual predator and that it is a phrase being extremely abused by the internet, i do believe he did something wrong in this situation .

this whole thing is messy and complicated and exhausting and punz needs to shut the fuck up nobody cares

[moonchildxxsblog]

I‘m leaving the LOA COMMUNITY FOR GOOD🧚🏻

🧚🏻I won’t stop my routines, this is not a quitting in consistency and discipline (which I continue to prove myself that I’m disciplined)!

🧚🏻I‘m not quitting manifesting & the law I know I can’t (I could live normal and just manifest here and there but I invested too much time in this journey so I will still continue to go all in)

Reasons why I’m leaving 🧚🏻

✨with this I mean watching any content whatsoever , books everything

🪞the community is toxic (and I don’t even mean the obvious misinformation from some and misleading content that’s not even my point I leave that rant to others) obviously some don’t know what the f they are talking about just trying to have fun

🪞but also the biggest coaches have tons of limiting beliefs they are like everyone else just figuring it out but selling it in that very moment (even though they KNOW!) they just figured something out they sell it with so so so much confidence and then maybe 1-2 years later say oh I was wrong or maybe it doesn’t apply to everyone well that’s fine but this affects LIVES!!!!!!!!!!

🪞I hate to say the mainstream stuff but as soon as Money and fame is involved you never know what is just clickbait or really sincere information (sometimes it really is 50/50) I’m not saying the information is not true it absolutely is but I’m elaborating why it’s still a problem for me in my case - also as soon as someone coaches people and I don’t care how they say it like oh people asked me to help whatever - these coaches are human and as soon as money is involved people naturally change their priorities subconsciously or consciously

🪞other reason once a coach gets to a certain level of comfort they naturally stop learning and evolving because they don’t need to (for themselves anymore because they don’t need to change their life) though doesn’t mean they have fully figured out manifesting

🪞the LOA community is exactly as toxic as law of attraction though obviously it is true it is very beneficial to be positive and think positive thoughts 24/7 - but the actual fear they PREACH about negative thoughts - destroys all naturalness of thinking - no person is negative 24/7 - I’m not neglecting the learning process it is very important to have all that knowledge and be fully selfaware about every thought but everything should come to an end (obviously at some point you are so selfaware and replace every thought)

🪞the fear mongering around assumptions is super toxic - people find the law because maybe they have 1 big problem they need to fix or some if they are in a better position want to become millionaires or whatever - (again not saying that knowledge is knowledge and the knowledge is not comfortable at first at that is fine) - and this will sound so sad - but on the journey of trying to manifest this 1 thing or even just for funsie some stuff - people may destroy many positive assumptions they already have like for example things naturally work out

🪞so then it leads to the oh I need to fix this assumption and this and this which leads to insane low confidence and creates so so many problems so the teachers/law make the people feel extremely empowered yet also the other downward spiral - is it the teachers fault yes! Because they are aware and the delivery could be different and they preach their own limiting beliefs

🪞assumptions can heal naturally without ever affirmed against it (and I’m not talking about bigger desires it’s fine trying/manifesting bigger stuff you never experienced before or to fix here and there a few things but not trying to fix entire lives it is absolutely not necessary some stuff does in fact fixes itself but it won’t if teachers preach everything is an assumption and you first need to affirm) - again I’m not talking about specific desires that needs to be mastered but other random stuff along the way

🤍my personal solution is taking the techniques and using them but everything else I take with a grain of salt - even mental Diat people naturally never dwell on negative thoughts and with law of assumption everything becomes so so so forceful

🤍you can have all that knowledge and still go about your day it still makes you a different person than others that don’t know (and obviously you can always manifest but the absolute fear about oh I have an assumption here and there I think the focus should more be less forceful and being positive just because you want to)

🪞the other toxic thing is to never let yourself think at all and immediately affirm when something bad happens (well this depends sometimes really you need to revise on the spot) but sometimes think about it solve it mentally find peace and move on

♥️I’m thankful for everything I’ve learned and I will keep practicing - I just wish the delivery would have been more different, some stuff less contradicting and less money involved

♥️also unpopular opinion just because some mastered manifesting regarding a few areas doesn’t mean the mastered everything (especially money or stuff like that is one area for me doesn’t mean they can give someone advice on health for example yes the law and techniques always work the same but in my opinion to teach manifesting as a master that person should have visibly mastered everything) - still thankful for all the help and knowledge from online coaches with their free content

♥️also being in a cycle of watching content (it’s not about watching only it’s about being influenced by the content and applying it) you completely forget or loose how to naturally manifest and it can get a whole cycle/loop even without changing techniques

♥️manifesting should be peaceful and make life easier - even before fully mastering it - they preach that it’s normal to put in insane amount of effort before mastering it and that’s a limiting belief but once everyone starts believing it because it was parroted so often well guess what it is absolutely effort until mastered - knowing what I know now I would have affirmed for abilities earlier and that’s not „insane amount“ of effort it’s not even about effort I’m happy to put in effort if it works but affirming 24/7 for one thing with all the mental stress and flipping and anxiety is completely wrong in my opinion

[mudpuddlenl]

My thoughts on the remasters:

I like some new versions, but not all.

Cyclops Saga really benefitted, honestly no notes there. For Troy it’s more divided.

I think the fact that you can distinctly hear voices in “ensemble parts” (and I count the lotus eaters under this) works in some parts and really brings it down in others. I like hearing the crew not being a monolith! But it doesn’t work for the Lotus Eaters, who’s eerie factor is with the way they all sounded like one person. I don’t love the way the voices for the Lotus Eaters were changed either. They sound more actively malicious and aware of that, and less… in a trance.

I’m still making my mind up about Horse and the Infant, specifically the last part where Zeus and Ody overlap. I think what’s tripping me up is the little music rise in the beginning of “he will burn your house and throne”? (I’m not a music person idk what it’s called). It makes it feel less like a conversation, more like they’re just talking past eachother. Which I guess could work for Zeus in other cases, but when he’s actively responding to Ody’s words it just feels too… seperate. Actually I think I’ve made up my mind while describing this. Oops.

I also feel like Warrior of the Mind was really toned down musically, it feels way less thriumphant. My guess is that it’s because of the brass instruments now being associated with a different character so they don’t fit anymore (idk if this is the case I don’t keep up with that as much), but just, idk. I feel like it kind of sucks the energy out of it, and the choruses sound a bit too similar now. (This is another one where the “ensemble parts” having distinct voices doesn’t work. That “Athena!” in a few different voices instead of one unified one was very jarring)

Anyways, I do still really like that he rereleased them! I didn’t really care for the Cyclops Saga before (outside of My Goodbye) though I was starting to enjoy a few of the others in it (Survive, mainly). This new version has really skyrocketed my enjoyment of it. And maybe I just need to get used to some of the other changes! (Or mix and match a playlist with my preferred version of each!) :D

[aeoki]

HOLISITIC HOLIC - The Saint and The Dead: Chapter 1

Characters: Hiiro, Aira, Mayoi & Tatsumi

Tatsumi: (A performance that suits me…)

(I do have an image of what I’d like to do, but I should tell the other members of “ALKALOID” what Eichi-san and I talked about first.)

(I’m not sure if it’ll be a good idea to incorporate something personal into a performance…)

Aira: Hiro-kun, get changed – now!

Tatsumi: (...Oh? Is that Aira-san?)

Aira: Geez! Do you not have any common sense at all, Hiro-kun!?

Wait, that doesn’t sound right when it’s said to you!

You wouldn’t know any better, huh. Why are you wearing a t-shirt on such a cold day like today!?

Hiiro: Hmm…? Did I do something wrong?

It’s still warm during the day and I’m planning on warming up my body after a run, so a t-shirt would be perfect, right?

I changed like you told me to earlier, but I might sweat and dirty my clothes. I figured I could just change into a long-sleeve later.

Aira: You’re such a country bumpkin.

You should be more aware of yourself as an idol! Even kids wouldn’t wear t-shirts during the day in winter, you know?

Mayoi: U–Um… I understand where you’re coming from, Aira-san, but you don’t need to be that forceful. I’m sure Hiiro-san understands.

Aira: No, Mayo-san! If we continue treating Hiro-kun like some rare animal, then it won’t do him any good at all…!

There’s TPO when it comes to clothes, so we need to make sure we’re always wearing something appropriate!

Hiiro: TPO…? That means time, place and occasion, right?

I still don’t know much about it, but I’ll do my best to keep that in mind.

So what would be the appropriate clothing for running in this weather and season?

Aira: You have your practice clothes, right? Why do you think they exist?

Hiiro: Right. I suppose those would be appropriate.

Aren’t the practice clothes also just a t-shirt and jacket, though?

But according to what you told me, I can’t just wear a t-shirt and run in that, right?

Or can I wear a t-shirt if it’s part of the practice clothes?

Aira: Uh, um…

A–Anyway, no t-shirts! What would you do if you caught a cold!?

Health is important for idols, so you can’t be placing yourself in situations where you’d catch a cold!

Tatsumi: I see everyone is here today. What are you all talking about?

Hiiro: Tatsumi-senpai.

We were just talking about what clothes are appropriate based on the TPO.

Aira: Listen to this, Tattsun-senpai. Hiro-kun tried to go out on a run in just a t-shirt.

I was walking around with Mayo-san when we saw Hiro-kun about to leave, so I quickly stopped him. He’ll definitely catch a cold wearing just a t-shirt in this weather.

Tatsumi: I see. The temperature difference is rather great these days.

You can adjust your sleeves with a long-sleeve, but it’s difficult to do so with a short-sleeve.

This may sound strange to hear this from me, but our bodies are our capital. It would do us well to keep in shape and not get sick.

Aira: Yeah, that’s what I wanted to say!

You never know when it’s going to get cold, so it’ll be a good idea to always have your hoodie with you!

Hiiro: Hmm? Isn’t that kind of different from what you just said…?

Mayoi: But I’m glad we’ve reached a good conclusion.

I was in a panic watching the both of them, but you really saved the day, Tatsumi-san…!

Tatsumi: No, I didn’t do anything special. I just happened to pass by and simply gave my opinion.

In any case, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you all. Is now a good time?

Hiiro: ? What is it, Tatsumi-senpai?

Aira: Feel free to tell us whatever it is that’s on your mind, Tattsun-senpai ♪

Tatsumi: I’m wanting to come up with ideas for our next performance.

I met Eichi-san at the hospital when I went for my check-up today. We were chatting and he mentioned how he wanted to see what sort of performance I would create.

I don’t know whether or not that was a direct order or if it was a comment purely from the perspective of an idol fan.

But that would surely be something our fans will be looking forward to in the future. Aira-san, your “Feather Touch” performance was wonderful, so I thought perhaps it’s my turn next.

So would it be alright for me to be the one to come up with our next performance?

Aira: Whaa! Which means our next performance is gonna be centred on Tattsun-senpai? That’s soooo ravely!

I’m on board! You guys are too, right, Mayo-san, Hiro-kun?

Mayoi: O–Of course! If anything, I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to step foot on such a stage…!

Tatsumi: Hehe. By all means, you’re allowed. I cannot imagine an “ALKALOID” performance where you’re not there, Mayoi-san.

Hiiro: I’d love to see what sort of performance you’ll come up with too, Tattsun-senpai.

Could you tell us the details?

Tatsumi: Of course ♪

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Sent a response regarding the Aware AU stuff, I hope it was interesting, also had other Kwami thoughts.

Cos like, I love the substitute angle but I doubt that'd it sustainable long term once more Kwami start coming out.

Kagami is likely on lock for an early Kwami due to Marinette, meanwhile Chloe may need to get one by 'accident'.

I do love Queen Bee, though Benom is so low key over powered it can make fights vexing, but I also love Snake!Chloe & Tiger!Chloe.

The latter also fits given how similar but distinct one can make the Tiger Miraculous, especially if they get creative with it, or so I feel.

Roaar: Well now, you aren't who I was supposed to be with, & I'm not where I was supposed to be >:3c Chloe: I get the sense that isn't a problem for you. Roaar: No way, I'm Roaar, let's cause havoc!

Cue Chloe & Adrien showing up with supremely destructive Kwami and the tagline from that art piece, "Supreme Feline Violence!" as their new catchphrase.

so, first of all, I read that last line as "Sublime Feline Violence!" which . . . sounded odd until I reread it, but anyway!

So, one thing I meant before, about my problems with the Kwami, is I see a lot of problems with them as . . . well, kind of being the Order's fault? Like. The implication I keep getting, is that the Order BOUND the Kwami to their will, basically, which is why they have to do whatever their "owners" say. Like, just. I don’t know how to describe it properly, just.

Ok. Let's try this. The Kwami don’t read as "partners". They read closer to indentured servants. They aren’t allowed to do anything without asking their "owners" for permission. Gabriel can literally take Nooroo's speech capability away. Yes, maybe it’s convenient that the Kwami have NO IDEA about the power ups and stuff, as it means Gabe doesn’t know about it, but the implications . . . the Kwami aren’t allowed to know about magic that affects them, that CHANGES how they work (imagine this as a medical procedure you are REQUIRED TO HAVE, but aren’t allowed to know what someone will be doing to you). And the reason why is that they HAVE to answer their "masters". They CAN'T say no. Seriously, imagine the series with the only change being that the Kwami don't HAVE to answer questions. They can keep their own secrets and thoughts. How much shit gets solved if that happens?

Just . . . I don’t think I can explain properly how UNCOMFORTABLE the Kwami's situation makes me. Like, it feels like the only difference between Gabriel and the Order? Their goals. #FreeTheKwami

(Moving on, I'm not sure how coherent this is . . . )

I think the substitute angle would still be in play, but after the Big Conversation (not sure if you saw my take on that?), I feel like Marinette starts pushing a little more, and in my head, I see a compromise that looks odd from canon-view. Part of Fu's argument would, weirdly, be that the doubles are in danger, because the Miraculous are still primarily Adrien's and Marinette's. Like, Yes Chloé and Adrien spend maybe equal amount of time as Chat Noir, but the split is probably closer to 60-40 in Adrien's favour, with Chloé taking over the 40% he CAN'T get away without risking consequences with his dad. And Marinette, once she gets the go ahead, would split that even less, still primarily being Ladybug, with Kagami only taking over in the case of illness, or if Marinette REALLY can't leave without hurting someone (babysitting or similar comes to mind). So the rest of the time, Chloé and Kagami would be defenceless against Hawk Moth, should he figure them out or target them.

Marinette, of course, agrees. She does often have an easier time seeing things from Fu's point of view, especially because despite his hang ups, it isn’t like he's outright WRONG. The doubles ARE in danger without a way to protect themselves. Her solution? Hand the doubles a Miraculous of their own!

Yeah, this is where it gets loud.

Fu is STRIDENTLY against this. Oh no, no way, no how, absolutely NOT, Marinette, I expected better from you-! But Marinette stands her ground. She argues right back, and I think a combination of Fu seeing her more favourably, and Marinette making some very good points might sway him.

Having more Miraculous out is dangerous? Having the ones ALREADY out is dangerous, how much more danger are we talking here?

Fu doesn’t know who the doubles are? Well, Ladybug and Chat Noir don’t know who each other is, and that’s seen as a layer of security.

The doubles are defenceless? They don’t have to be!

Just this intense back and forth (Chloé and Adrien are watching this like a tennis match) before Marinette plays her trump card. Fu says he trusts her judgement. Well, Marinette trusts the Chats Noir, and her friend, Ladybird (Kagami's Ladybug handle? Not a major fan, i see it more as a combo name for Ladybug/Peacock, but I don’t currently have other ideas). More than that, the fights are clearly getting harder. They NEED back up. SHE needs back up. Back up she can TRUST.

eventually, Fu caves.

As to which Miraculous they get, I too love Queen Bee, but hear me out. Kagami gets the Bee (maybe can extend the trompo-top stinger into a fencing sabre?), and Chloé gets the Turtle. Yep, Fu gives up Wayzz. Why?

So Wayzz can SPY on this unknown Chat. Because while Fu trusts Ladybug, he still is wary of the second Chat Noir, this one he still doesn’t know. He knows who Adrien is, so he KNOWS he's an only child. The closest "sibling" he can see is Felix, who lives in London, no way he can get to Paris that fast. He also doesn’t suspect Chloé, because he's been taken in by her outward persona. But if Duchess Noire has Wayzz, then Fu can maybe figure her out. He knows the limitations of the Miraculous - if Duchess tells Wayzz "don’t tell anyone who I am", he won’t be able to tell Fu who she is. But he'll still have insight into how she works, what her morals are, if they can REALLY trust her. Plus, Fu knows Wayzz, they've been partners for CENTURIES. Fu knows not just how to fight with the Turtle, but how to fight against the Turtle. If this second Cat turns out to be bad news, the Turtle is the Miraculous Fu has the best chance against.

(Also, random sidenote: I discussed this with @princess-of-the-corner, cause she always makes the Tiger's thing Invisibility, and I was saying I'd sort of like it if the Tiger had both that AND Clout, so I think what we ended up with was the Tiger's thing is related to Confidence. High confidence, you get Clout, low confidence, you get Stealth. You CAN figure out how to access both, but it can take awhile. Cause, also, you know, a Tiger's whole THING is that it's camouflaged, invisible in its environment, until suddenly you get slammed with several pounds of muscle, teeth and claws.

Also, if you feel that Venom is too OP, I’d institute a time limit. Like, the five minutes you have until you detransform, that's how long Venom lasts? Something like that.

also-also, I see your Snake!Chloé, and raise you Snake!Nino. )

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

So after the final round of chemo before a month-long break, I have some…thoughts.

Definitely don’t feel like you have to read below the cut!

I can hardly believe how quickly time has flown! It’s already been a little over six months since my diagnosis, but there was another half of a year prior to that of symptoms.  It’s been like a night and day difference in so many more ways than just physical, though, and I really think I can use this as a sort of divider for my life, as cliche as that may sound.  The 'then', and the 'now'.

Then, not only was I dealing with chronic cough, insane levels of fatigue, progressively worsening shortness of breath, and a general lack of motivation to do anything, fun, or otherwise, but I was also fighting a pretty significant battle against my own mind.  Some of my mutuals may already be aware of just how far into the “pits” I’d traveled, but it was like I couldn’t get anything right.  My viewpoint was that, generally speaking, anything and everything bad that happened to me, I somehow deserved.  I was nothing but a giant burden on everyone I’d ever met, and anyone with two brain cells to their name would wise up, eventually, realize that, and leave.  It was a mindset that got in the way of many friendships and familial relationships, and I was pushing people away left and right.

If you are one of those people, and you are reading this now?  I am nothing if not sincerely sorry for putting you through that.  But I hope that, if you’re still around, you can see how honestly I am trying to change.

(We’ve come to the ‘now’ stage, by the way.  Just in case you were curious.😉)

Now, it’s like I’ve received a well-deserved (and much-needed) slap in the face.

January 18th, aka diagnosis day, came and went, and rather than see this as yet another thing that I “deserved” for being such an inferior and unworthy person, it’s like everything started to shift.  I hadn’t made any conscious effort on my part (that I was aware of, anyway).  It just sort of…happened.  Anxiety wasn’t even a thing.  I met with my doctors and the rest of my care team in the hospital, we put together a care-plan, and that was that.  I was moving forward, ready to fight, and yes, I was reeling (still am, occasionally), but it was like I was finally able to put every last ounce of that worry on something else.  Or rather, someone.

God.

Prior to all of this, I’d always kind of scoffed at the sentiment of “If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.”  My negative vibes just couldn’t grasp it, or at least they couldn’t, as far as it might ever pertain to me personally.  For years (read:  35 of them!) I hadn’t been ready to give up the rigid level of control I tried (and failed) to exert over every possible aspect of my life.  And I think this was finally the one thing that I realized wouldn’t work with that frame of logic.  It just…couldn’t.

Hearing from my primary care physician, who is the one who sent me to the ER to kick-start the diagnostic process in the first place that if I’d waited any longer, I likely wouldn’t have survived at all, only added to the mental booty-kick that I so desperately needed, and now?

It’s like coming that close to death was all that I needed to become a completely different person.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have my negative thoughts.  I give in.  I’m only human.  But by and large, I’m much less anxious.  My first conclusions on a situation aren’t always negative like they were, before.  I can look at myself in the mirror, and still not be 100% happy with the reflection, but it’s not to the point where I fully believe I have zero value anymore.  I know I can contribute to society, and my relationships, in a positive way, and I am determined to try my very best to do so from here on out.

There’s still a potentially long road ahead of me.  In August, I go back for more scans, to determine if any of the original tumor is left, and if there is, more treatment will be on the table at that point.  I understand that, side-effect wise, I may not get as lucky as I was this past time, where a bit of fatigue for a few days will be the only thing that goes “awry.”  But now, I can look to those moments with acceptance and hope, rather than dread and fear.  That makes absolutely all of the difference in the world.  

My doctors have me.  God has me.  And really, that is all I need.

Lastly, to all of those who witnessed my attempts at pushing them away—who saw every last bit of the ugly that was my attitude a year ago and before—THANK YOU.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for staying.  For being patient, when you could have (and maybe should have) just walked away.  I will never be able to repay your kindness, but I am hopeful that I can at least make a concentrated attempt to start!