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andreafmn · 11 months

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Ours | Derek Hale Oneshot

Word Count: 3.5K Requested by @gracelynn318: "Derek or Stiles finding out that their significant other (the reader) is pregnant and they try to keep it secret for as long as possible" Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms (vomiting, nausea, fatigue)

Summary: Derek Hale and (Y/N) have been together for a long time, and they didn't know something was missing from their lives until it arrived unexpectedly. And all they want to do is revel in the moment for as long as they can, by themselves.

A/N: this story follows 0% of canon, just the character's names. will admit. I am a horrible Teen Wolf fan that has yet to see season 5 and 6, and I've also yet to watch the movie. So, definitely an AU 😬also, be on the lookout for tonight or tomorrow for another surprise regarding this request 😉😉

Derek had noticed the change long before (Y/N) had. Long before she knew why she spent her days expelling her meals down the toilet drain, before she understood why her body craved more food than she could keep down, before she had even noticed that a month had passed and her period had not arrived.

It came late at night. The soft putter of a heartbeat that felt so far that it could have been confused with the sound of rain against the pavement. They had been lying in bed, the exhaustion of living in Beacon Hills the only thing they needed to crash at night. But the sound had been bothering Derek. The continuous rhythm didn’t allow the wolf to lose himself in much-needed slumber. The sound kept him up, especially from where it was coming from.

“(Y/N),” he whispered, running his hand up and down her arm to wake her. “(Y/N), baby, wake up.”

“Mm,” she groaned groggily, cuddling to his body tightly. “Go to sleep, Derek.”

“(Y/N), I gotta ask you something. Wake up.”

“We can talk in the morning,” she whined. “I’m tired right now.”

“It’s important,” he chuckled softly. “I need your complete focus.”

With a loud exhale, (Y/N) sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The sheet fell from her torso, and the coldness of the night made her skin erupt in goosebumps. She rarely got angry with Derek, but she was coming quite close at that very moment. “You better have a good reason to wake me, Der,” she said. “I’m so tired I might just put off killing you until tomorrow.”

“Listen, please,” he said. “When was the last time you got your period?”

“What?” the girl questioned. “You seriously just woke me up to ask about my cycle?”

“More or less. Just answer. Did you get it last month?”

It took her a moment to think. The grogginess of being woken up still clutched her mind, and recounting the past weeks was hard. But her body startled awake as she realized she had not gotten her shark week in a month and a half. That fact alone did not scare her. She had always been irregular, and in moments of stress, it was more likely than not that she skipped a cycle. The problem was that not only had she missed a period, she had been feeling sick for the past three weeks. And the math was not too hard to do.

“I-I didn’t,” she stammered. “W-why are you asking?”

“Oh my god,” he answered. “Oh my god!”

“What? What’s wrong?”

Instead of answering, Derek pressed his ear to her stomach until he could hear the sound clearly. Alongside (Y/N)’s quickening heartbeat, a quieter, steady pattern joined. It was too indistinguishable now. “You’re pregnant,” he said. So quiet he wasn’t sure if he had said it at all. “There’s a baby in there. Our baby.”

“Pregnant…” (Y/N) could not believe the word even as it rolled out of her tongue. “I can’t believe it.”

“We’ll go to Deaton tomorrow, but I’m certain. I can hear their heart beating in there.”

(Y/N)’s mind was reeling. Pregnant, she thought to herself. The word felt foreign. So did her body. Derek had noticed the change before her. How could she not have known that a life was growing inside her? How could she ever be a mother when she did not even know herself?

Without realizing it, tears fell down her cheeks. She felt weak and panicked. The strong woman that had faced the biggest dangers and far scarier monsters trembled with the thought of a life depending on her for survival. It was one thing to volunteer to protect the members of the pack. They were old enough to fend for themselves. It was another to be responsible for the life and survival of another human.

“Hey,” Derek called. His voice sounded like it was underwater. So far away that she could barely hear it. “Baby, what’s going on?”

She hadn’t noticed that she had stood from the bed and was pacing around their room. Her breathing was shallow, and her chest heaved as she took in short breaths, trying to steady herself. Tears kept falling faster than she could wipe them away. They warmed her cheeks before the air turned them cold. It was the only thing that grounded her.

And Derek. Always Derek.

He had gotten off the bed, and within a second, he was wrapping his arms around her. The warmth from his skin calmed her. It brought her senses back to the moment, steadying her rampant heart.

“What’s wrong, (Y/N)?” he spoke into the crook of her neck. “Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

“I’m scared, Derek,” she sighed, tightening her grip around him. “A baby. Here. Now.”

“Why not here?” Derek smiled, his hands running through her hair. “Why not now? With you as their mother, that baby could be born underground, and they would be the luckiest child in the world.”

“How could you be so sure?” (Y/N) cried. “I forget things all the time, I’m clumsy, I can barely redeem myself when it comes to fighting. If it weren’t for my weapons, I wouldn’t bring much to the fight against our enemies. What good would I be to protect a child? How could I be entrusted with their entire upbringing?”

“Oh, (Y/N). You’re far more valuable than what you bring to a fight.” His hands cradled her face, the green of his eyes boring into hers. “You are the most caring person I know. If it weren’t for you, I would have killed half of the pack by now. You’re smart. You’re funny. And if anyone should be terrified of becoming a parent, it should be me.”

“Come on,” she scoffed jokingly, her tears finally subsiding. “You’d be an amazing father. Temperamental, but great nonetheless.”

“Well, I’m glad it at least got you laughing,” he grinned. “How about we just take this one day at a time, baby? Make sure we take things slow. Tell people on our own time. Instead of going to the doctor, we buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy; confirm what I already know.”

“But if you can hear the heartbeat, I am sure all the other wolves will, too,” she worried. “How am I supposed to take things as they come when everyone will know the second they come here?”

“Then, I won’t let anyone back here,” he smiled. “I’ll have them meet me at the warehouse or at Argent’s place. We can say you’re sick with something and won’t be there. Or that you went to visit family out of state –I don’t know. The point is, we can do this, baby. I know we can.”

“Well, I do admire your tenacity,” she chuckled, kissing his lips softly and hugging him again. “One day at a time, right?”

“One day at a time.”

And it worked. For two months, at least.

That very morning, he went out and returned home with five pregnancy tests and a bouquet of flowers. And five minutes later, they all showed an array of dark pink plus signs and the word Pregnant on them. Just like that, it had been confirmed. A new baby Hale would be coming to Beacon Hills in eight months.

They were excited. Of course, they were. But they couldn’t help the terror that overtook them as well. Bringing a new life into their world was a scary thought. The fact that anyone with knowledge of their child could use them against them was terrifying. Still, they wanted that baby more than anything they had wanted before.

The child that grew inside of (Y/N) was the tangible representation of their love. Evidence that everything life had thrown at them had not been able to push them apart, not for a second. They had been through hell and back, always together, and they had come out of every single occasion stronger than before. That baby was the final piece to their equation.

The next day, they went to the first available OB/GYN about an hour from the town. The doctor confirmed what they already knew, adding the new fact that she was around seven weeks along. The process was more than uncomfortable, but the result was well worth it. A tiny blob appeared on the screen, and the sound of a rapid heartbeat filled their ears. It made tears well up in their eyes. That tiny thing would soon turn into their baby. And even though it didn’t even have a distinguishable shape, they had fallen in love with them.

At first, they thought they would pass the first trimester in bliss. That they would only grow more and more excited as the days passed. And they would have. Had it not been for all the symptoms that overtook (Y/N).

She spent most of her day hunched over the toilet seat, emptying whatever was in her stomach. Even when she thought she could keep food down, an hour or two later, she would be in the bathroom letting it out. And if she wasn’t vomiting, she was ransacked with deep waves of nausea. Then, her breasts started to swell, painful jabs running through her every few days. In addition to heartburn and fatigue, it made her question just how worth it a baby could be.

But Derek had been attentive as ever, if not a little overbearing. He had kept his promise of moving where the meetings were held, claiming that the loft was under renovation while (Y/N) was out of town for a bit. It wasn’t a complete lie, though. He used his downtime to clean up around the house and fix things he had put off for far too long.

He fed her saltine crackers and electrolyte drinks, rubbed her back, and held her hair, and he loved her. Every day and every night, he loved her. Even when he had to stay up cleaning the bathroom or he had to carry her back to bed. He loved her through everything.

“You did this to me,” she had groaned one day. “All I want is to eat chips and pickles, but I can’t keep anything down.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” he responded, drawing circles on her back as he cradled her body in the bathroom. “Hopefully, in a week, it’ll subside. You’re almost out of the first trimester, and the morning sickness should get better.”

“Stop reading pregnancy books,” she whined. “By the time this bun is fully baked, you’ll know more than me.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Derek chuckled but swallowed his laughter as (Y/N) gifted him an angry scowl. “Okay, okay. I think the ten books I’ve read will do.”

(Y/N) remained quiet and threw her head against his chest. His arms snaked around her body, a comfort she allowed herself to sink into. The warmth from his body felt nice against her shivering skin. But just his presence was enough to comfort her, regardless of the words she spoke.

“I’m sorry I’ve been snappy these past few days,” she sighed. Her eyes closed as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, her head falling against his chest. “I love this baby, and I love you, but I don’t love puking all the time. And peeing all the time. And being tired all the time. I want to fast forward to the next few months.”

“Hey, you can be snappy with me all you want. I can take it,” he said with a smile. “I will be right here every step of the way because I love you. More than you could ever know.”

“Even when I’m all big and bloated?” (Y/N) chuckled, her hands falling onto the growing small bump. “They're already trying to deform my body.”

“Well, at least you’re glowing.”

“No,” she sighed. “That’s just sweat.”

“Then you look beautiful covered in sweat,” he laughed. “Now, let’s get you to bed. Alright?”

(Y/N) could only nod and wrap her arms around his neck as he carried her back to bed, laying right next to her. Even if he couldn’t take this discomfort away, he was trying his best to make things better for her.

Another week passed, and things started to shift. The woman would only occasionally feel the need to throw up her food, but the constant nausea and heartburn had subsided. And once (Y/N) saw her baby's small fingers and feet in their 12-week ultrasound, she knew it had all been worth it.

She also knew they couldn’t keep the secret to themselves any longer.

The pack had become angsty. Wondering when (Y/N) would be coming back from her supposed trip. Two and a half months was far too long to just be with family. With no imminent danger in sight, they had too much time to check up on everyone else.

“I think it’s time we tell them,” (Y/N) told Derek as they watched a movie. She cradled her small bump, something she had unconsciously started to do. “We’re almost at the five-month mark, and I think it’ll be too hard to hide.”

“Do we really?” he groaned. “I can just keep you hidden here until the nine months are up. They don’t have to know a thing.”

“You would really keep the mother of your child sequestered in these walls until I give birth?”

“Maybe even more,” he shrugged. “Maybe I’ll keep you here forever.”

“You’re quite funny, Mr. Hale,” she chuckled. “But they are our friends —our family. They deserve to know there’s one more person to protect.”

“I’ve just really liked this time,” he sighed. His chin rested on her shoulder, his beard tickling her exposed skin. “You know, just you and me. Basking in the time we won’t have once everyone knows and once the baby is here. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, (Y/N). A family of my own, that I can love and protect. A home that’s ours.”

“And we will have that,” she smiled. “We’re just allowing more love in. The best part, at the end of the day, we can just kick them out.”

“When you put it that way,” he laughed before kissing her lips, savoring her. “Alright, fine. We’ll tell them next Saturday.”

“Thank you, Der. It’s gonna be great.”

And it should have.

Had it not been for the million things that went wrong that week. The A/C was busted for a total of four days, a pipe burst in one of the bathrooms, the paint they had ordered for the nursery had been put on back order, and the Camaro had to be taken into the shop for tuning. Thing after thing occurred, piling onto an already stressful time.

Nevertheless, the week came and went. And before either of them knew it, Saturday had rolled in.

To say (Y/N) was nervous was an understatement. For some reason, anxiety was taking over her body. Its claws dug themselves deep into her being. It made her veins run cold and her heart speed. She didn’t know how any of them would react to the baby. Even to the fact that they had kept it from them for so long. And although Derek tried his best to calm her worries, they had already made a home inside her head.

“God, what if they hate the fact that I’m pregnant?” (Y/N) worried as she laid out more food than necessary on the kitchen counter. “What if they find the idea of bringing a child into a messed up world to be the worst thing ever?”

“Who cares, baby? It’s our child,” Derek tried to reassure. “We are the ones that will be raising them. The ones to protect them. Always and forever.

“But they say it takes a village, Der. And that is one thing that I know is true. I mean, at some point, we will need their help.”

“And you really think we won’t have it,” he said, rounding the kitchen island. His hands traveled her body and, in one swift move, had her sitting on the counter. At eye level, he could stare directly into her glossy eyes. “We have been through everything with these people. Even the ones I hated at the beginning have become my closest friends. I’m 100% sure they’ll be thrilled that you’re pregnant.”

He snaked his hand to her chin, pulling her down for a soft kiss. But once their lips made contact, it was too much of a temptation to keep it chaste. Soon enough, their tongues danced together, and their hands pulled each other closer. It left them breathless and excited, wanting —needing more.

“Uh, we can come back if it’s a bad time,” Stiles’ voice rang through the apartment, startling them apart. “But you guys did invite us here. So, it’s kind of bad on you guys.”

“No. Yes! I mean, it’s not a bad time,” (Y/N) chuckled as she jumped off the counter, hiding her stomach with a comically large bowl. “We just got carried away, I guess.”

“The one day they decide to show up on time,” Derek grumbled under his breath. “Come in, why don’t you?”

Before they knew it, the apartment was filled with werewolves, a banshee, other werehumans and supernatural beings, and their very own abominable snowman. The couple remained in the kitchen as everyone situated themselves, whispering under their breath what the best way to go about it would be.

“Not to be pushy,” Peter called out. “But if you guys only called us over for some food, I have better things to do than hang around children all day.”

“You do know we’re all well above the age of eighteen, right?” Isaac retorted. “It’s been quite some time since we have been children.”

“You’re still younger than me, correct?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Then children,” he said. “So, what is it? Am I staying, or am I leaving?”

“Settle down, Peter,” Derek responded, biting back the urge to roll his eyes. “We do have something important to announce to everyone and would very much appreciate it if you just listen.”

“Fine,” he frowned. “But you have ten minutes of my time before I decide to leave.”

“All we need is a couple of seconds, really,” (Y/N) said with a smile on her face so sweet no one dared say anything else. “I’m sure you heard that I was away for a while and that we were undergoing renovations here. Which, as you can tell by the lack of changes, was not true. Derek lied on my behalf and moved any necessary meetings out of our home because I needed this time to myself as I underwent a sort of change in my life.”

“Oh my god, you’re dying,” Stiles worried. “Is it cancer? Is it at least treatable?”

“It’s nothing like that, Stiles,” she reassured with a soft chuckle. “But thank you for worrying. It’s just as life-changing but not necessarily life-threatening. At least, I’m hoping it’s not. But you could never be sure until…”

“(Y/N), you’re rambling,” Derek whispered in her ear. “It’s nothing bad.”

“You’re pregnant!” Lydia exclaimed, a bright smile adorning her face.

“How would you know that?” Malia questioned. “I thought you predicted death, not new life.”

“It’s common sense,” she shrugged, disregarding the comment. “She’s been hiding for months. The place smells like paint, and nothing in this room is painted, so I can only assume it’s a bedroom. And she hasn’t stepped out from behind the island that just so happens to cover her stomach. Two and two always makes four.”

“Except on this occasion, it made three,” (Y/N) chuckled. She walked around the counter and joined Derek’s side, her bump finally on display for everyone to see. “But, yes, Lydia, I am pregnant. Almost five months now.”

A shower of ‘holy crap’s and ‘oh my god’s rained over them as, one by one, the pack got to their feet and hugged the couple in congratulations. They rejoiced together and started planning how to spoil little baby Hale even before they were born. Every single person was as excited and overjoyed as Derek and (Y/N) were, anxious for when the baby was born.

Well, except Peter.

“Yeah, next time you have these kinds of news, little nephew, make sure to make it an email,” he grumbled, looking at his watch. “Can’t believe I canceled evening plans for a pregnancy announcement.”

“We love you too, Peter,” (Y/N) laughed. “Maybe if you leave now, you can still make it to whatever it is that you had planned.”

“I’m already here,” he shrugged as he sat back down on the sofa. “Might as well take advantage of the free food.”

“Ignore him,” Derek told her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “He can’t take this moment away from us. It’s all ours.”

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techtalksfics · 1 year

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Headcanons: First Kiss

Authors Note: this is for the anon who sent in this very sweet prompt. I've tried to keep it fluffy but, you know, Crosshair is always gonna linger closer to smut than fluff. All of these will be small headcanon ideas, with small snippets of prose & dialogue. Hope you enjoy!

Tech

How long does it take for it to happen?

Well, this is Tech we are talking about. It takes him a ridiculously long time to even realise you are interested in him. It takes him even longer to realise that you like him like that. When he realises it, he would consult his brothers about it at the first opportune moment.

You'd always tried to show Tech that you truly cared for him. You'd be overly attentive when he visited the medical wing, even if it was just for something as simple as a check-up. The first time you'd treated him, you'd been careful with his injuries, taking your time, talking with him, giggling at his silly comments. His brother's had noticed your gentle touches and twittery giggles at his comments long before Tech did. They just left it alone. Tech would figure it out eventually, right?

Well eventually was a long time coming. It was easily over thirty rotations of your attentive behaviour, of you trying to get to know him, to show him you shared interests. Of you trying to get him interested in you. What you didn't realise is that he had always been interested in you on some level. He just didn't realise what level that was. One evening, the clones were all in there shared quarters, relaxing after another successful mission. Tech had arrived later than the others as he came to say hello to you first.

When he arrived at their quarters, he simply sat for a moment, pondering over his desire to speak to you first. Suddenly he queried why you acted differently with him than you did with the others. Hunter sighed, stopping his expert ministrations with his knife in hand, looked his brother in the eye and tells him, "because she likes you." When Tech frowned deeper, somehow more confused. Surely she liked all you? "She has a crush on you, Tech." Tech stopped fiddling with his comm device to look up at Hunter for a moment. "Perhaps I should discuss this with her," he decided as he stood, speedily exiting the room.

Crosshair, had been lying on his bed, listening to the whole thing. He lolled his head towards Hunter, twirling the toothpick in his mouth from the right to the left side and and muttered, "that poor girl is going to need the Force on her side now."

Who Instigates the first kiss?

Tech. This is definitely going to be Tech. Most girls would probably fear starting something with him unless they were 100% sure he felt the same. As he isn't particularly great with affection, that may prove difficult. But our sweet boy also doesn't have a great filter for his words and sometimes his actions. So I have no doubt that he would be the first to make a move, clumsy thought it may be.

Tech had sought you out after Hunter's revelation or confirmation. He found at your station and the lab was eerily quiet. The perfect opportunity, he had realised. So he simply squeezed your arm gently. to get his attention. You smiled and turned the moment you realised it was him and he smashed his lips to yours with reckless abandon. It was sloppy and fast and not what you thought it would be. But your heart soared regardless.

When he moved away, he explained, "Hunter said that you may have a crush on me. He is rarely wrong on such matters. Perhaps this time he was?" As he searched your face for signs of disgust. There were none. He seemed a little perplexed by the flush on your cheeks. He decided it best that perhaps he leave that moment.

Gentle or Hot Heavy first kiss?

Our sweet boy is always going to be gentle, cautious. Savouring it, even. He had perhaps been a little overzealous to reach out and kiss you like that, it was felt oddly forced. Even for him. But when you finally decide to reciprocate, the main is definitely going to want to savour the experience slowly.

As he went to leave, you quickly grabbed him by the hand and pulled him back. “I didn’t think you even noticed me. I’m sorry, it took my mind a minute. You sort of appeared out of nowhere,” as he opened his mouth to protest, you placed your fingers over his lips, moving closer to him, “how about we try that one again?” You leaned in, holding your hands in the folds of his armour so that he couldn’t retreat. When he felt softness of your lips, the warmth of cheeks and body against his, Tech finally closes his eyes and simply enjoys the sensation. All too quickly for his liking, you pull away. He adjusts his goggles and asks, “would you be partial to doing that again?” That earns a little giggle from you. Of course you wanted to do that again. And again. And again.

Crosshair

How long does it take for it to happen?

On sheer stubbornness of two people trying not to admit to their feelings (or as @littlebluebatbratt and I like to call it, playing a game of emotional chicken™), it's going to take some time. I feel like Crosshair would pair well with someone who could withstand the game as well as he could. So this could go on for a long time. I like to think the right girl would make him drop his pride and give in to her and his feelings.

“You should just cave,” he whispered, as he came up behind you. His breath was hot on your neck. You jumped out of your skin at the sudden contact. His approach had been so silent. You couldn’t help but lean back, flush into his body. He was simply so warm. Your mouth hung open at the contact, a huff of wind escaping you as you rest your head back against his shoulder. Then in a sudden realisation of what you were doing, you lurched away from him. As you began to walk away, you turned to face him, walking backwards and say, “if you want it, you know exactly how to come and get it” A smirk plastered on your lips as you sauntered away from him.

Who Instigates the first kiss?

Honestly, this would depend on the woman. As I mentioned above, I think, for Crosshair to truly fall for someone, she would also have to be a stubborn, pain in the ass with just a tad too much physical confidence. They would try desperately to get him to cave first, as much as they wanted to themselves. Eventually, the man would not be able to stop himself. One day, the endless flirting would turn into something more.

“You’re maddening, you know that?” He would say with a groan, he muffled behind his hand, as you softly rubbed your leg up and down his as you sat opposite each other in the mess hall.

“I know,” you said, popping a small bite of food into your mouth, with a smug grin. Suddenly, you would remove your leg and he immediately misses the contact. You move to leave the hall, knowing exactly what you were doing, but you could feel his shadow following you out. Perhaps it was finally time?

Pulling you into the nearest alcove, by your elbow with just enough force, he would simply stare into your eyes, desperate for you. You could see it. You could feel it. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, but he knew in that moment, as you stared at him with those big innocent eyes, that he had lost. He had fully lost himself in you.

Gentle/Hot Heavy first kiss?

It’s Crosshair. It’s hot and heavy. Of course. Particularly if they’ve been playing this game for a long time. All of this pent-up frustration would be unleashed into one extremely searing, deep, long kiss.

You would wrap your hands around his neck, the moment you realised he’d caved. You’d pull him in as close as you could, onlookers be damned. He’d have your body pinned against the wall, one knee between your thighs holding you in place as he leans in to kiss you. You place two fingers over his lips, looking deep into his eyes.

“I’m gonna need you to say it first,” you said with a smirk. He sighs looking away from you. Deciding it was time, he looked deep into your eyes, his own were hooded with a deep lust.

“Fine,” he grumbled, not breaking eye contact, “you win. I want you. I want you more than I want to win this.” That was all you needed. So, you yanked his head towards you and your lips met in a sudden and heated dance. It was everything you had been waiting for. His tongue quickly delves into your mouth exploring everything he had been imagining for months. His hands would wind their way into your hair, lifting your lips closer to his. His knee pushing further up into you, until you’re almost rutting on him.

Wrecker

How long does it take for it to happen?

Wrecker is extremely vocal and does not necessarily think a lot of things through. That being said, he’s also our super soft gentle giant. He would probably spend more time trying to kiss than actually successfully doing it. I think he’d be one of the fastest to go in for a first kiss with someone, particularly if they paid him lots of attention. Which obviously, all of us would.

“I just wanna kiss ‘em,” Wrecker moaned to his brothers, his head in his hands at the bar, “but every time I get close, I back out.” He all but slammed his head on the bar. “I’m a coward.”

“You’re not a coward, Wrecker,” Hunter said dumbly, placing his hand on his brother’s shoulder, “you’re just worried that she won’t return it. But she will.”

Wrecker lifted his head toward Hunter, “how could you possibly know tha’?” It was almost a whine as Wrecker spoke.

“Because she’s not blind,” Hunter said, holding back a chuckle, “she’s spoken to me about it. She wants to know what’s holding you back.” Wrecker sat upright all of sudden.

“You mean, she knows?” Wrecker felt positively sick with the nerves. “Well, no what am I supposed to do.” This time, Tech was the one to respond as he looked up from the schematics in his hand, “well, you could just try actually kissing her.” Tech’s head immediately dropped back down to continue reading. He made it sound so simple.

Who Instigates the first kiss?

Wrecker wants to. Boy, does he want to. He wants to whisk you into his arms and kiss you so soundly that you never want to leave his side. But he’s just a bundle of nerves and insecurities under all that muscle. Knowing that you know he’s been trying, only made it worse. In the end, it would all be on you.

“Hi Wrecker,” you said, hopping off the counter of the store you worked at, “how are you?” Wrecker scratched at his neck, almost immediately, mumbling out something about being fine.

“Wrecker,” you said as a plea, when you realised that he couldn’t look at you, “you don’t need to be afraid, Wrecker. Whatever it is you want, you can just tell me.” You placed your hand softly on his cheek, encouraging him to look at you. You knew what it was that was bothering him. It bothered you that he thought you'd even consider rejecting him. His eyes finally pierced into yours, fear covering all of his features. “I – uh – I been trying to kiss you for a while now,” Wrecker stumbled over his words as he rushed to get them out, “but – uh – didn’t know if you’d want tha’.”

“Of course, I want that, you silly man.” His eyebrows shot up high as you smiled at him softly. And yet, he still couldn’t do it.

Gentle/Hot Heavy first kiss?

It’s going to be gentle, as gentle as he can make it. You wouldn’t want to push him too far, too fast. Hot and heavy could wait. You just needed to get him over the first hurdle that seemed to be plaguing him so fully. You’d gone from friendly banter, maybe some gentle flirtation and some outright cheesy phrases on his part and regressed back to the awkwardness of when you first met.

You hopped back onto the counter, making yourself more level with him. The store was empty, now was your chance. You reached your hand out for him to take and he did so very willingly, you pulled him in between your legs. Cupping his chin, you forced him to look at your smile. “Wrecker,” you whispered so softly, “I want you to do it.” He seemed to debate things in his mind, as best he could. He bit at his lip, wanting to reach in but he still hesitated.

With a small, barely audible sigh, you placed a hand on his gentle and brought his face into yours. The moment he felt your lips on his, his heart soared, and his arms cradled you naturally. You were much smaller than him, so you became enveloped in him. You kiss became firmer, occasionally pulling your lips away to tilt your head a different way. You found his lips followed you whenever you moved. If you leaned back, he leaned forward. If you tilted one way, he tilted the other and held you tighter. Truthfully, it was perfect.

Echo

How long does it take for it to happen?

I think that post-Skako Minor, Echo’s mind will forever have self-doubt and his duty at the forefront. We see both when he is described as more machine than man, percentage wise. So, I think the build-up to the kiss would simply take a long time because he does let himself believe you’d want to.

“You know you’re wrong about her, right?” Rex said to his brother as they sat together post-mission. Everything had been successful. “She likes you.”

“She doesn’t like me,” Echo retorted, taking a sip of the steaming drink in his hands. He couldn’t help but let his eyes fall across the room towards where you were chatting with Gregor animatedly. Both laughing. He couldn’t help but smile at the idea of you liking him at all. God, he loved the way you laughed. The way you made his brothers feel happy whenever you were around.

“Oh, she definitely does,” Rex spoke with a smirk as he watched his brother falling in love from a distance, "and I think you like her too." Echo's head whipped back around to look at Rex, a crimson blush on his cheeks. He took another sip of his drink.

Who Instigates the first kiss?

I fear that it would have to be you. You are the only one that can convince him that you want him in a romantic way. Sure, Rex could try and convince him. As could any of his clone brothers, but they would never convince him enough for him to dare making a move. There were many, many others you could choose. So why would you choose him? Well, you'd have to convince him that your heart had chosen him long ago.

Rex had casually mentioned to you that Echo was leaving to find the Bad Batch, knowing full well what you would do. Honestly, he was a little fed up with the mutual pining.

“Echo,” you called out as you watched him walk away from Riyo Chuchi, it looks like you were catching him just in time. You knew there was nothing you could do or say to make sure he'd keep out of harms way. You now needed their help to save others. So this was your last chance to pluck up the courage you'd cowered away from for so long,“you weren’t planning on leaving without saying goodbye, were you?”

“I – uh – no, well, yes…perhaps?” Each of the words stumbled from his mouth as if chasing one another, pain masking over his features. You placed your hands on hips at that.

“Well how am I supposed to wish you luck if you keep running away before I have a chance?” You questioned him, allowing a flirtatious grin to creep onto your features. He blushed at that, you had such an effect on him, all from two very simple words. Good luck?

“L-luck?” He repeated back. As you stepped closer to him, he tried to steady himself, tried to remain steadfast and strong in your presence. You reached your hands up to his broad shoulders, running them across the coolness of the armour covering his broad shoulder.

“Yes, and luck that is truly good should be sealed with a kiss,” you said as you watched him through your lashes.

Gentle/Hot Heavy first kiss?

This would definitely be dependent on the circumstances, I’d say it would be a little bit of both. Particularly if it plays out as it does above. Or if it's any sort of goodbye or a hello after a long time. It'll definitely end up hot and heavy if he isn’t certain of his return. If he isn’t certain of your safety. He is going kiss you as if it is both the first and last time, he will ever kiss you.

With your hands on his shoulders, you’d reached up on toes and placed your lips to his softly. Your lips had ghosted over his so gently that he was convinced it had been a dream. And yet, it lasted just long enough for his eyes to flutter closed.

When they reopened, you stood there looking at him doe-eyed, expectantly and with a big grin on your face. With a soft, playful growl, he reached around your waist with one arm and span you around, you giggle all the while. Once he placed you back down, he reconnects his lips with yours with a sense of urgency and fire that shocked you. But you loved it. You loved the way he instantly delves deeper into your mouth. The way he moans into you. The way he kisses you like it was the last chance he would ever have to do so.

Hunter

How long does it take for it to happen?

I feel like the affection would develop quickly. Particularly if it were on Pabu. He feels safe and knows Omega is safe. It’s a community. Everyone is simply getting on with their lives. So, kissing you became one of the forefront thoughts in his mind. When Echo had arrived for support, everything goes a bit awry and his internal timeline for kissing you is made far more urgent.

“She’s something special, Echo,” Hunter said, staring at you with a smile. You were playing around with Wrecker and Omega in the distance. He could hear the melody of your laughter as he leaned into the wall watching you. “If we don’t come back from this, it’s going to hurt her.”

“We don’t have a choice, Hunter,” Echo reminded him, placing a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder, “she’ll understand.”

“Will she?” Hunter grumbled, entirely unconvinced. But he knew if he were to die on this mission, then he wanted to know what it was like to kiss you before he went. He had settled on that.

Who Instigates the first kiss?

Hunter. He'd already come close to kissing you more than once but he didn't want to rush it and it’s not that you don’t want but you knew he was withdrawn, stoic and more often than not, very serious. You were patient. You could do this on his timeline. So, when he was ready, he’d kiss you. You were certain of that. He often searched your eyes with a hand on your cheek and each time you prepared yourself for the kiss. But the kiss never came. At least, not until Echo had shown up and they were dragged back into the war they’d fled from.

“Hey,” he whispered as he approached you from behind. You were looking out over the balcony into the night sky, simply lost in thought. You knew he was leaving again.

“Hey yourself,” you murmured quietly, without facing him. You felt his presence at your side, though you could not feel his warmth. There was a safe distance between you. His hip dug into the wall as he simply watched you and waited. Waited until you could bear to look at him. He would wait. After a moment, you simply stated, “you are going again.”

“Yes.”

“I may never see you again.” You affirmed, knuckles whitening from your tight grasp on the wall in front of you. You still couldn’t look him at him.

“Yes.”

“But, if you can come back,” this time you turned to look at him, searching the depths of his eyes, “will you?” He reached his close fist to brush against your cheek softly, letting his hand settled at the hair tucked behind your ear. With a smile, he reached in close and whispered, “yes.” Your lips parted with a prickly shudder down your spine as his free hand traced the curve of your spine.

Gentle/Hot Heavy first kiss?

I think the first time would be gentle but sensuous. He would anticipate your needs and would want the depth of his feelings to be felt as he melded his lips with yours. He wanted to convince you of your future. That there could be a future, even though he could never be certain of that.

As he pulled back from his whisper, he did as he often did and placed his hand firmly on your cheek. You knew he wouldn’t pull away this time. This was the last chance either of you would have until they returned. If they returned.

“Don’t kiss me,” you murmured, “if the only reason is that you aren’t sure you’re going to return to me.” Tears began to prick at your eyes as you looked at him.

“I’m going to kiss you,” he said, raising his other hand, to your other cheek, “because I have to know what kissing you feels like, in case I never return.” He leaned in and brought his lips to yours in a searing kiss, full of longing and passion. You couldn’t help but moan as his strong hands pulled you in as close as he could have you. Your hands wove into his hair, pulling softly at the silky strands. He pulls back, but only to tilt his head from one side to the other before delving in to kiss you again. It seemed to last both an eternity and no more than a fleeting moment.

“If I don’t come back,” he whispered as he pulls away, “just know that you have made me a happy man.” He dropped his forehead to yours, allowing his eyes to close with the affection that coursed between you.

#tbb tech x reader #tech bad batch x reader #tech x reader #wrecker x reader #wrecker bb x reader #crosshair x reader #crosshair bb x reader #echo bb x reader #echo x reader #hunter x reader #hunter bb x reader #wrecker #hunter #echo #tech #crosshair #first kiss #headcanons

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samoankpoper21 · 1 month

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JJK Men Proposing 💍

A/N: Bonus points to whoever gets the kdrama reference in Suguru's proposal aslkf;saj Enjoy~!!

Content Warnings: mid smut, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!, some cursing

Kento Nanami:

"Love?"

"Yes?"

"Let's take a trip this weekend"

"Ooh ok. What did you have in mind?"

"Malaysia." Your typing coming to a pause you peered at him from above your glasses. "Malaysia? That's so random babe. Why there?"

"I've always wanted to go." Taking one last glance at him you noticed his restlessness. 3 years being together you've learned to read Kento Nanami; his face may be stoic, expressionless to others, but you picked up on the way he gulped, his fingers clenching and unclenching. Choosing to ignore his restlessness, knowing in due time he'll eventually come around to letting you in to his inner monologue, you warmly smiled stretching your pudgy, stout arms above your head. "Sure Ken, let's do that. We both could use a break."

The plane ride there you noticed his restlessness increase. "Ken?" you wrapped your smaller hand over his much too large hand. "What's wrong babe? You've been restless since we got on the plane."

"I'll be fine."

"You sure?" Leaning forward to kiss your forehead he hummed a "Mhmm."

He grabbed both of your bags escorting you to the rental area. Driving to the hotel resort he placed his hand on top of your left hand giving it a squeeze. "What part of Malaysia are we staying at?"

"Kuantan."

"Ooh ok. Sounds cool. Wait...you didn't bring me all the way out here to kill me right?" Staring at you in his peripheral he chuckled shaking his head. "You watch too many 'true crime' documentaries."

"But it's true babe! Most serial killers upon their first kill get anxious and after they've killed their victim it's like a high to them." Pressing a kiss to your hand he chuckled again. "You need to go back to watching Korean dramas or anime or something," Squeezing your interwoven fingers he suggests, "Take a nap love. It's going to take almost 4 hours to get there."

"No, no I'm ok! Really!"

15 minutes later Nanami glanced your way chuckling at your head nodding, trying to fight sleep. "Sleep love."

"You sure babe? I don't want you to be up alone."

"I'll be fine."

"Mmkay. Just know I tried." He chuckled as you stifled a yawn, kissing his hand before leaning your chair back to rest.

After having checked into the resort, Kento had planned a spa day for the both of you where you both enjoyed full body massages, clay mask treatment, and the jet bath to yourselves. "Ngh! Ken," you shuddered, the water sloshing over the sides as he gripped your full hips guiding you up and down his throbbing length, his half lidded eyes going back and forth between your fucked out expression, full breasts, and pudgy tummy. "What if -ngh- w-we get caught?"

"Shh," Nanami shuddered as your gummy walls involuntary tightened around his cock. "Seems like you don't mind us getting caught pretty girl." Biting your lip trying to suppress your moans as Nanami's cock hit that sweet spot you groaned, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. "F-fuck Nanami, yes, yes, right there love." Nanami rolled his hips against yours hitting that sweet spot. Biting down on his shoulder you came your legs twitching as Nanami kept thrusting up into you. "Fuck," he growled, he too biting on your neck as he released his hot, sticky seed into you.

After dinner walking in hand in hand on the beach you stopped just short of where the waves could reach you, marveling at the sunset. The sky was painted in pretty hues of pink, orange, and purple. Closing your eyes inhaling the scent of the sea, reveling in the moment, the moment was briefly shattered with whizzes and whistles of fireworks. Looking up into the sky you gasped. "Nami, look! They're hearts!" turning to search for him you gasped upon seeing your boyfriend on one knee, small, red velvet box in hand. "Y/N, Kuantan has a special meaning to me. This is where I want to settle, build a home. I can't imagine building a home, my future, without you in it. Will you continue to build with me towards our future? Together?"

"Yes!" you shrieked, tackling him in the sand laughing. "Yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes!"

Toji Fushiguro:

"Fuuuuck daddyyy 's too much." Toji had already made you cum three times, the first and third being from his tongue, the second from his fingers. You found yourself with your ass up, a mean arch in your back as Toji pounded into you. He loved fucking you from the back: watching the way your ass rippled every time his hips slammed against it, the way his balls swung hitting your folds and clit, your wide hips that he currently had a tight grip of, the stretch marks that adorned your thighs and belly, how loudly you were moaning at him hitting your g-spot, and how you always took him so well. With the way Toji was slamming his hips into your sopping cunt you felt yourself slowly slipping off the bed. Clawing your way attempting to move forward Toji slapped your ass, gripping the reddened flesh. "Stop running." Moaning you plead. "I-I'm gonna fall daddy."

"Then fall. As long as you stop running from this dick." He groaned as your tight walls clenched around him. "Fuck you're such a good slut fa' me. Getting turned on just 'cause I'm tellin' ya tah stop runnin'. Fuck momma bounce that ass back." Keeping your arch Toji stilled his thrusts watching the white ring around his cock slip in and out of your fat, juicy pussy, a slow steady plap plap plap sound filling the room, Toji grabbing a handful of your generous ass. He stilled you leaning over, his chest against your back, reaching into the drawer. Shuddering you knew he brought out the vibrator he graciously named 'Clittie'. "Gimme your left hand." Pushing yourself to balance on your right forearm you offered your left hand where he slipped a ring on. "T-Toji?"

"What? You gonna be with me or what?" Peering behind you locked eyes with him causing him to groan at your blissed out face mixed with light and love. "Your timing is so off." you chuckled. Grabbing your hips he slammed into you once again stating, "Fuck momma looks like you're stuck with me now. Whad'ya say huh?"

"Yes, yes, yes daddy! I'm all yours. Fuck I'm all yours daddy!"

"Good girl."

Choso:

He must be exhausted was your initial reaction upon meeting him at the dog shelter. Your manager tasked you with training the new, quiet hire, his baritone voice making your pussy clench. After working together you came to realize that (1) ain't nothing wrong with his eyes, (2) you grew fond of his sleepy eyes, finding them alluring, sexy even and (3) he reminded you of a big -lost- puppy. He would follow behind you closely, the heat from his body emanating, as you explained the tools and showed him the dogs.

Working together allowed you to build the rapport needed, learning and falling for the ins and out of Choso Kamo. Closing together one night the power went out, PG&E updating you both that it would take at least 3 hours before the power came back on. You found him in the play pen, all the dogs and puppies sleeping peacefully around him. Attempting to discreetly take his picture you cursed when the shutter sound went off, his eyes snapping open. "Sorry," you sheepishly offer. "You just looked too cute surrounded by all the dogs sleeping peacefully."

"Delete that."

"Whaaat? Come on Cho it looks really good though." you tease. Surprising you with his speed you found him in front of you smirking holding your phone above his tall frame. Jumping trying to reach your phone you whine. "Not fair dude. You're like 6 feet."

"Grow some inches then."

"Or you could put some in me."

"Huh?"

Attempting to cover your moans Choso bit your plush inner thighs, his tongue following shortly after. You looked to the sleeping dogs figures. "Ch-Cho," he swirled his tongue around your entrance, moving his way towards your clit. "Y-you think the dogs will mind?" Chuckling darkly he asked, "Now you're worried about the dogs? Where was all that cockiness from earlier?" Sucking your clit a moan ripped from your chest. "Choso please."

"What do you need baby girl?" he asked, spitting on your clit, watching it trail towards your clenching entrance. "Fuck me daddy."

A year later not much has changed except the constant fucking you and Choso did. Whenever Choso was in the mood your panties were pulled to the side as he stretched you out on his fat cock, his hot breath fanning your ear.

It was another closing shift but the rest of the team were there. You found it weird that everyone was still here considering it was only supposed to be you and Choso. "Y/N," your manager called out to you. "I need help in the play pen."

"Sure." Making your way to the play pen you were greeted by hordes of fur, giggling at the yapping, some of them jumping up to greet you. You noticed your manager and 2 of your coworkers sitting there giddy with anticipation. "What did you need help with boss?" She let a black chow chow puppy named Bo run to you, picking Bo up you noticed a red velvet box tied to its neck. Untying the red satin ribbon, opening the box you gasp recognizing his writing. "Will you marry me?"

"Turn around dummy." his baritone voice rang out. Quickly turning you found your boyfriend on one knee blushing furiously. "Aside from animals you were the first person to see me as a person. You make me feel welcome, warm, and loved. You have been like a light to my world and I can't see myself doing this life thing without you. Will you marry me Y/N?"

"Oh my god yes! Yes, yes, yes!"

"Are we almost there babe?" you huff out.

"Yup."

"That's what you said an hour ago."

"You're so dramatic." He chuckled.

"Babe you literally woke me up at the ass crack of dawn."

"I thought you liked how I woke you up." Your cheeks burning at the memory of Satoru and you cuddling when in your sleepy daze you felt him lifting your leg up thrusting into you, groaning at how wet you were for him. "Morning love," his morning voice sending shivers down your spine as one of his hands found purchase on your breast, the other on your plush hip as his hips rut into you sharply. Catching up to him you lightly smack him. "That's beside the point."

"Oh look you caught up." Holding his hand out to you you deeply inhaled the cold morning air, your lungs expanding. "You could see all the stars from up here." he gently observed. "Babe look! It's Orion's belt! Oh and the big dipper too!" Gently smiling your eyes continue scanning the starlit sky in search of familiar constellations. "Look down hunn'."

"Huh?" Peering down at the circular rooftop you exclaim. "Babe it's a heart!"

"What else do you see?"

"Ummm," you continue to scan the rooftops reading aloud. "W-I-L-L Y-O-U M-A-R-R-" gasping you turned to see him smiling widely. "First let me give you this." Handing you a certificate you saw that he had purchased a star near the edge of Orion's belt naming it after you. "Gojo," feeling your eyes tear up.

"I wanted to gift you the North Star but NASA said some bullshit 'bout how that star can never be bought. Y/N, I wanted to gift you the North Star because to me you shine the brightest, even on the days you don't feel like it. I have watched your light shine and transcend to others and I want to continue being part of that journey. Y/N, will you continue to be my north star while I continue being like the sun?"

"Only if you shine with me for thousands of years."

Geto Suguru:

"Love," Suguru called from your shared bathroom. "Babeeee." Standing in the doorway he watched as the blanket barely covered your naked sleeping form. You could sleep through anything. Light bulb going off in his head Suguru lay on his stomach, settling himself between your legs. Prying them open slowly he groaned at your glistening cunt. Pressing wet, open mouth kisses in your inner thighs he blew at your entrance watching you shiver. Teasing your already wet cunt he kissed around your opening. Laying his tongue flat, he parted your lips swirling his tongue around moaning at the taste of your essence, your musk scent mixed in with cocoa butter. Sucking, his mouth slowly moved up engulfing your clit giving it a tug. Moaning awake from your body heat you stir. "Babe?"

"Oh good! You're awake." He peeled his face away, your eyes growing dark at the sight of your arousal evident on his lips, chin,and nose. Trying to bring him closer he scooted away causing you to pout. "Sug?"

"Come on love. We have to go."

"But it's still dark out."

"I know but where I'm taking you you can only see this picture when the sun hits a 6."

"How you gonna leave me turned on?"

"I promise I'll make it up to you but we have to hurry. We only have 50 minutes and I don't want to get stuck in traffic." Groaning you reluctantly peeled yourself from the warmth of the bed throwing on jeans and a hoodie.

Quickly parking the car he grabbed your hand and ran with you towards the elevators of a merging company. Scanning your surroundings you were taken aback, a bit uncomfortable at how under dressed you felt. Getting off at the 17th floor he pulled you towards the staircase pulling you along the remaining 3 flights. Shouldering the door to the rooftop open you made it with 3 minutes to spare. Panting you ask, "Why didn't we just take the elevator all the way up?"

"For memory sake?"

"The fuck Sug." Quickly grabbing your hand he led you to the edge, heart hammering in his chest, he covered your eyes. 6AM hit, the rays of the sun slowly peeking over the city, it's warmth slowly seeping into your skin. Lowering his hands from your face he whispers, "Open your eyes love." Peeling your eyes you watch as the sun hit two billboards, turning them towards your direction; the first billboard reading, "Y/N let's continue making memories for eternity."; the second being, "Will you marry me?" Your hands clasping at your mouth you turn already crying. "Is that a yes?"

"Oh my god yes Sug! I love you! I love you so much!"

Ryomen Sukuna:

Sukuna's grip on your plump hips were sure to leave a bruise. He couldn't resist you especially since you were panting on his weeping cock, trying to fit all of him in. "You're a big girl I know you can do it."

"'s too big daddy."

"Oh?" Adjusting his hips he slammed into you causing your back to arch into him, your mouth agape in a silent 'O' shape. He chuckled licking, sucking, and biting at your neck making sure to leave a trail of hickies in his wake. Continuing with his rough pace you let out a garbled noise as you clung onto him, your head falling into his neck. "Come on pretty girl, can't do all the work myself." Peeling back to look at him, water decorating your lash line, he licked his lips shivering at the sight. He liked this sight of you, how pathetic you looked around his cock. Smirking and slowing his pace, his stroke still hitting deep he teased, "What? Dick got you dumb?" Surprising him, yourself included, you pushed against his chest laying him flat. Planting your feet on the bed, your fingers slowly trailing down the expanse of his chest, outlining his abs, you lift yourself a little more than half off of his deck and slam back down. "Fuck woman!"

"Who's the dumb one now?" You continue with that pace, Sukuna gritting his teeth. This was one of the many reasons he fell for you, you were the only one who was willing to challenge him to gain dominance, although he was always the victor. "Fuck baby just like that." he instructs with his eyes closed. The sound of your voluptuous ass smacking against his thick ,muscular thighs were making him go feral, wanting to empty his balls deep into your sweet cunt.

"Fuuuuck daddy your dick's so good."

"Yeah? You like getting fucked by this big dick?"

"Fuck yes! I wanna have your kids fuuuck."

"Let's get married first."

"Yes, yes, yes!" In the midst of your riding he procured a ring placing it on your finger. Gasping you squeal, "You were being for real?"

"Woman if you don't accept me-" leaning forward capturing his lips you say, "I'd be honored to be your wife Ryomen Sukuna."

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icedroppedinparasolcider · 2 months

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Momoi Airi is a Trans Woman

This is headcanon at the end of the day and there's nothing wrong with disagreeing, but the way she's written regarding her sense of identity as an idol, the choice of phrasing they use when she talks about herself in reference to others (namely Shizuku), and the connections her visual motifs provide to concepts and other characters tied to or commonly seen as trans just makes it incredibly hard for me to view her otherwise.

A lot of what I have to say is very personal to me; I'm a trans woman myself, and Airi's writing and experiences connect with me and my own transition journey in a way I haven't really seen anywhere else in media (I'm not a very prolific media consumer). So it's entirely possible a lot of this is just me projecting onto a character I care a lot about. But while I've adored Airi before this revelation, I didn't reach the level of attachment I have for her until the realisation of just how well she's written through the lens of a trans girl. Specifically one who's, for the most part, entirely socially transitioned but keeping the fact she is trans secret.

When Airi was little, she was, as she herself describes, very boyish. She'd get into physical fights with boys around the neighbourhood or at school, she'd come home most days covered in dirt and mud from playing with her majority boy friend group of the time. She was intensely defensive of her little sister, most of her fights being with possibly bigger-than-her boys because they were mean to her sister. It formed a reputation for Airi, a reputation that followed her as she began to deviate from these patterns and pivot her interests and activities hard and fast thanks to starting to watch idols on TV. She was enamoured with them, would rewatch recordings of their performances and interviews over and over so she could emulate it and be more like them. She'd stop getting into fights, stop playing with her rougher friends; everything started changing dramatically thanks to her being introduced to a new "type" of woman: an idol. Something Airi wanted to become, and was willing to change everything about her to be.

These changes weren't socially easy for her, though, with backlash coming from these old friends and classmates because of how girly she was trying to become. The idea of being a tomboy was something Airi started to consider a bad thing, a gross thing. During her Colourful Festival side-story, To You Who Yearns To Be an Idol, amidst a conversation with her younger self Airi calls the little girl a tomboy, something that makes the younger Airi immediately deflate and shy away from the conversation. It upset her to be called that, especially by an idol, something she wants to become. Which leads to the younger Airi talking about how she's been treated by her peers for changing the way she dresses and not playing the same way she used to, for changing the way she talks, with her being talked to like she's doing something horrible and wrong for simply chasing a dream of who she wants to be. And in this conversation, Airi says a particular line that changed everything for me:

This is said in response to Little Airi's repeating of what the boys in her class call her as she wears cuter, girly clothes. That she's some big, mean monster who shouldn't wear things like that, who could never become an idol. Effectively telling her that she could never be a girl because of the way she used to behave. She started as someone rough, someone harsh and dirty, that's not something she should—not something she could—change. Something we see in present day that she's largely internalised through her struggles with what it means to be an idol, her struggles with calling herself an idol.

For Airi, being an Idol and being a Girl have become synonymous with each other. Her ability to be an idol, to draw that attention, have a smile that sparkles on stage and in front of the camera, spread hope and joy to other people; this part of her identity has grown beyond her job, it's who she is as an individual. Being Momoi Airi, the second year Miyajo student, is inseparable from Momoi Airi, the ex-QT member and now member of MORE MORE JUMP! And if she can't be the image of an idol that exists in her head, that she's always viewed idols to be, that Haruka and Shizuku manage to embody, that Minori is becoming, then can Airi even really call herself as much of a person, of a woman, as them?

Airi's been in this constant uphill battle where she believes she doesn't sparkle as much as the other idols around her, so she puts more effort into learning how to make herself sparkle, but manages to convince herself that because she struggles with this, she's less of an idol than those very peers. It's in large part what Ice Drop is about, Airi's difficulty finding satisfaction with her work as an idol because it doesn't shape up to her own expectations and beliefs of what an idol "should be", because it doesn't match what she sees other idols she looks up to, like Shizuku, doing. Something also portrayed during Airi's conversation with Shizuku in Chasing the Radiance Beyond the Blue Sky, where she outright tells Shizuku that because she doesn't have the same physical appeal she has to fight harder and use different strategies to get any attention as an idol. And if Shizuku is the "perfect idol", and Airi will never be able to achieve that, can she even call herself an idol?

If she can't call herself an idol, does she even deserve to call herself a girl? Or are the harsh words of her grade school classmates right about whether she should be wearing the cutesy clothes?

A large part of Airi's struggle with this, why it's even a spiral in the first place, ties into her nature as a Solid Heart student as well as why I see so much of myself and my transfemme journey in Airi's story. It doesn't matter how many people tell you that you're enough and that you've done what you set out to do, not if every thought in your head is telling you they're wrong. According to everyone I know, I pass really well as a girl. My voice is naturally feminine, even without masking it very hard, I've basically never been misgendered since growing my hair out by strangers looking at me, I've even been told by close friends that they'll forget I'm trans because I'm just "one of the girls" to so many of them. And I appreciate all of it, so much; I'm very lucky to have had such a smooth social transition. But none of that changes who I see in the mirror, who I hear when I talk, what I feel when I wake up in the morning forced to acknowledge my body. I'll never be a "real girl", not until I fix these things, and it's entirely possible that it's impossible to truly get rid of this feeling.

That's what Airi feels regarding her identity as an idol. Everyone in the world could tell her how good an idol she is, how much hope she spread as Happy Everyday, how beautiful and bright her smile is. But that will never replace or fully mask the doubt in the back of her head about whether she's really an idol, because nothing that she used to do aligns with what she's always seen idols to be, so much of what she does today is so different from the reality of her dreams. She's not that idol, so is she even an idol at all? I'm not that girl, so am I even a girl at all? Obviously I am, and obviously she is, but it's a feeling of doubt that never goes away.

Airi needs to constantly be an idol, or she's not an idol at all. And, at least to me, this has come to mean to Airi that if she's not an idol, she's not a girl. Because all of the work she put into being cute and girly was to be an idol. If she can't accomplish that, does she even deserve to be a girl at all? Or is she just a fraud wearing a mask trying to make people laugh on TV?

#pjsk #project sekai #airi momoi #character analysis #transgender #i have so much more to say #but it's getting late and this feels like a good stopping point #i'll probably add more when she invades my brain again #momoi airi......

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pendarling · 4 months

Text

No Date For Valentine's Day

Wrote this in 20 minutes just now.

Villain snickered, "Of course, nobody has asked you of all people, out on Valentine's Day!" They wiped a fake tear in their exaggerated show of jest. "Just look at you!" Villain fell into another fit of laughter as Hero crossed their arms, annoyed at their act.

"I know, I get it. Are we going to do this or what?" They rolled their eyes and considered leaving for the day; they didn't have to be here and definitely didn't sign up for this odd behaviour from their adversary.

"Unlike you, my dear sad little Hero, I've never had such... complications when it came to holidays."

Hero understood where this conversation was headed, "Oh, so I assume you know your stuff then, huh?"

Villain eyed them for a moment, pondering on their following words carefully, their hand raised to their side as they slowly inspected their nails, "Well... I'm feeling pretty generous today. So I guess if you're pathetic enough for it, I will show you an example of how it's done." they stayed still, their face still smirked confidently, but still almost worried if Hero would turn them down.

Hero couldn't help but smile at the attempt to maintain their arrogant persona yet simultaneously brazenly ask them out incognito, "What? Are you serious?"

"You know I'm only doing this to bring some joy to your miserable little world, Hero."

It was a cute attempt to see Villain think that Hero would let them get away with acting so high and mighty, but today, let it be known, they would be wrong. "And what if I told you it's not every year I'm alone?" they raised their brow.

"W-what?" Villain sputtered. Their face expressed that familiar look of jealousy, their mind racing with possibilities that maybe, just maybe, Hero was seeing someone else on such a special day. They'd assumed otherwise because of how easily they've gotten away with their blatant flirting in the past, but perhaps Hero was just toying with them along. "So? Who would stoop so low to go out with you, anyway? You don't even have a figure!"

"That's not what certain people tell me."

Villain's eyes narrowed, their words irretrievable. They mirrored Hero's pose, their arms crossed defiantly at the sudden revelation.

"What's gotten you so fired up, Villain?" They knew it was because of their humbly implied relationship status. It wasn't true; Hero was not seeing anybody as of current. However, lying to get a reaction out of Villain was quite amusing for them. What did they expect? Flaunting that they were never alone on Valentine's was an equally cruel decision for Villain, so jumping to unnecessary deception was the right way to go.

"Don't taunt me." They pointed at them accusingly, "You're not even standard--"

They shrugged, "I don't understand why you're so bothered." They flicked their hair back. "Now, I think we've gotten off-topic. We should really get this started."

"Please, don't try to change the topic. Who is it anyways? Or don't tell me-- your sweet mother? That doesn't even count!"

"Listen, Villain, I'm not here to have a conversation about my life choices." They smiled coyly and took a few steps forward, too eager to stand so far away any longer. "If there's something you wanna say just come out with it already."

Villain blushed discreetly, their plan falling apart as usual in the face of Hero's unapologetic teasing.

"Enough!" they backed away, "You said it was none of my business, so I'm dropping the subject." They looked away; their jaw clenched tightly at the thought of losing control of the discussion so quickly; they'd been so confident in leveraging this as a way to continue ridiculing them for as long as possible.

"Aww. Did your plans backfire, Villain?" They cooed, measuring their steps just enough to rest their hand on their chest softly, "What's the matter? Where did all that bravado go?~" Villain's eyes paused to look back at them before flicking away again.

"I get it, alright... knock it off," They pushed them back gently, but Hero caught their hand and held onto it, a light squeeze bringing the attention back to them again; they locked eyes in a silent argument, each one waiting cautiously for a signal.

"Or did the big strong Villain get upset at the thought of me choosing somebody else?" They mockingly frowned and brought Villain's hand to rest on their cheek.

Villain felt a warmth climb up their neck as they tried to take their hand back without much success, "You wish! I hardly even considered you a valuable partner. You'd probably run off with somebody else if you could!"

"Doubting my loyalty Villain?" They laughed shortly and let them stumble back from them again, "Don't worry I was only joking... I'm not seeing anyone."

Relief flooded Villain as their eyes widened nearly immediately, "Really?"

Hero nodded.

"Hah! I knew no one wanted to be with your unbearable personality," They teased again, "Well, I guess I should make due and help you in whatever way I can."

Hero tilted their head in thoughtfulness, "How kind, Villain." They stood straight, "So how does eight tonight sound to you?"

"Lovely."

~~~

MASTERLIST

#pining prompts #enemies to lovers #imagine your otp #writing prompt #villain x hero #hero x villain #heroxvillain #villainxhero #hero x villain community #pining #unrequited pining #unrequited feelings #unrequited love #unreciprocated love #soft prompts #soft romance

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shadowynn · 1 year

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| in love and lore | eleven |

pairing: ot8 ateez x fem reader

genre: fantasy/daemon/soulmate au

warnings: some cursing, negative thoughts, a little bit of self-loathing, slightly possessive thoughts

wordcount: 10.7k

a/n: so, this chapter was an absolute joy to write, which might explain why and how i managed to get it out faster than normal. it has been a very long while since i've been able to write ilal so easily and with so much joy, so i hope you all enjoy this piece as much as i do. and for all you yunho biases out there, i hope this piece might do some justice for him. <33

| ten | eleven | twelve |

~~~

The stars were falling tonight.

You had thought it was luck when you caught sight of the first one streaking across the sky a few hours after dinner, but a few minutes passed and your eyes had found another. They were difficult to make out amongst the canopies of the tents and lights flickering around the camp, but the night sky above was clear and you were just able to make out a few streaks of light flying across the sky.

After a day amongst people, you relished the time you had to yourself. It was impossible for you to be completely alone, but you found solace in your position at the back of your tent. Yunho was on watch duty for the first half of the night, but other than a quick question of concern when you had exited your tent an hour after retiring, he had left you be. He had disappeared into the sea of tents shortly after you requested some space, but you knew he was still a call away. If anything were to happen, he would be at your side in an instant. All you had to do was say the word.

You considered calling him over to you now at your revelation of the night sky’s activities, but quickly decided against it, not wanting him to think something might have been wrong. It had happened often in the past weeks, any small beckon you made for any of them was met with instant concern. You hadn’t minded too terribly at first, overwhelmed by what had happened yourself, but it had quickly become stifling. No matter how many times you had insisted you were fine, they never seemed to hear you, making it impossible to go anywhere without one of them trailing behind you.

You understood their concern, at least, up to a point. No one had hidden the fact the culprits had gotten away that night, but who they might have been or why they had attacked, escaped your grasp. It was clear they knew something more than they let on, but any answers you were given had been allusive at best, if they weren’t dodged completely. They claimed they didn’t want to worry you, continually stating they had it under control, and though it frustrated you, you didn’t push too hard. Perhaps they were right. Perhaps it was better if you didn’t know the whole truth. You had long since learned living in ignorance was sometimes easier than knowing the truth, after all. And you had enough other things on your mind to worry about.

But despite the threat of the attackers still being somewhere out there, you couldn’t stand being under constant supervision for too long. And it wasn’t until you had gotten caught sneaking out the back of your tent once that they finally relented. You still had a guard on you at all times, but they were no longer right on your back, breathing down your neck.

Of all nights, you had thought it would be the one you would most want to be alone. And you did. You yearned for some time alone, away from the daemons that had invaded your life. For just a moment, you wished to get away. To forget everything that had happened and everything that was yet to come, but the stars were calling you. Each flash across the sky beckoning you to come and watch them. To allow them to ease your worries for just a moment.

But to do that you would have to leave camp, and unless you wanted another wave of panic to erupt when they inexplicably found you gone, you would have to go accompanied.

You weighed the decision in your head for a minute, trying to decide which would be a more welcome distraction from the thoughts that had been driving you mad. It didn’t take you long to come to your decision. You might have felt more comfortable on your own, but Yunho’s presence would just maybe distract you from the thoughts you had tried to bury for the night.

So, you picked yourself up to your feet, stretching out the kinks in your muscles. Ideally, you would return back to your bed and sleep the rest of the night away, but you knew the chances of that happening were slim. Not when you were finally arriving at Taeyang tomorrow.

After a month on the road, you had just started getting used to the flow of things. You had just started to grow comfortable with your new life among the daemons, but this way of life had only ever been temporary. As much as you wished you could be on the road forever, it wasn’t plausible. The day would finally come when it would end and you would be left with no choice but to deal with the reality of your new life. A life you had purposefully avoided thinking about to this day, but one that had haunted the back of your mind ever since Hongjoong had told you the truth. And now that it was here, you didn't know what to do.

You wrapped the blanket you carried with you closer around your body, shuffling in the direction Yunho had said he would be. While the days still held a hint of warmth to them, the nights had grown cold. Cold enough, your cloak was no longer warm enough to fight against the night air, forcing you to make due with whatever else you could find as you had foolishly left the majority of your winter clothes behind.

True to his word, you found Yunho in the small clearing between the tents that housed him and the other generals. A fire had been started since you had last been over, illuminating him and what appeared to be a large dog at his feet.

“Who’s this?”

Yunho jumped at your question, most likely not expecting you to make an appearance this late at night. His eyes softened as he took you in, before following your gaze towards the animal in front of him. Now that you were closer, you saw it wasn’t a dog like you had originally thought, but a wolf, black as the night sky above you.

“This is Haru,” Yunho replied as the wolf stood to his feet, stretching out his legs as he went. His tail quickly began to wag as you bent down in front of him, showing no hesitation or aggressiveness towards you as he nudged your hands with his nose. “He’s one of many animal companions I can conjure up if needed.”

“Really?” Your head tilted, reaching out to oblige to Haru’s request and scratch him behind his ears. You were quick to recoil, however, taken back by the strange sensation his fur elicited. It was cold to the touch and not quite fully corporeal, causing a shiver to course through you.

“Each beast has their own unique use, and I’m able to see and hear what they do from quite a distance if I need to.”

“That’s amazing.” You recovered quickly, finding the sensation of his fur against your fingers still strange, but not quite as unnerving now that you were expecting it. “What other animals can you create?”

“As long as it’s an animal that I’ve seen before, I can conjure up any beast using my blood and the surrounding shadows.” He reached out for Haru, running his hands through the fur at his back. “It might not be quite as useful as some of the others’ abilities, but it does have its benefits. Haru, for example, can track a scent for miles.”

“I don’t know, I think it’s pretty wonderful.” Haru leaned further into your touch, eliciting a giggle from you at the tickling sensation caused by him licking your face. “Definitely wonderful,” you repeated, gently coaxing Haru away from your face. You turned your gaze to Yunho, proffering him a soft smile in the hopes of reassuring him you thought his ability truly was as wonderful as you said.

“Thank you.” Yunho returned your smile, causing you to quickly turn your gaze back to Haru. Something in his eyes had caught you off guard, causing your heart to flutter. “I’m glad you think so.”

Silence settled between you, one which neither of you seemed keen on breaking. You wanted to, but you could feel his gaze lingering on your figure as you busied yourself with Haru, preventing your brain from coming up with anything worth saying.

“Was there something you needed from me, angel?” Yunho asked after a few more seconds, jumpstarting your brain and reminding you why you had come to see him in the first place.

“Oh, yes.” You nodded. Haru’s presence had distracted you, but it hadn’t deterred you from voicing your request. “I was wondering if I- if we could head outside the camp for just a little.”

You were quick to correct your statement, already aware there was no chance at all that you would get to go out on your own. Despite being less than a day’s journey from their capital, everyone was still on edge. It made you begin to wonder if perhaps they were no longer only worried about the recent attackers, but the surrounding daemons as well. After all, it was common practice to kill your kind before Hongjoong was crowned, especially near the capital where the bloodlines were purist.

“The stars are active tonight,” you added upon seeing his confusion, “and, well, I don’t believe I’ll be going to sleep anytime soon, so I was hoping we could maybe go out and get a better view.”

Yunho was silent in the moments that followed, making you more nervous with each passing second. Haru had nuzzled his head against your chest, and you buried your hands and attention into him to help break the anxiety you felt awaiting his answer. And though Haru added to the chilliness of the night, you let him wiggle his way into your arms, wrapping the blanket around the both of you.

“Is that what you want?”

You nodded, relieved to hear him finally speak. “If you don’t think it’s safe though, I can observe them elsewhere. I just thought I might get a better view away from-“

“No, if you wish to go, I will gladly go with you.” This time he was quick to respond, taking no time to get to his feet before proffering a hand down to you. “Shall we?”

You didn’t respond, staring at his open hand. It wasn’t until now that you became aware of the unintended implications your request had with it. What had meant to be an innocent desire to see the stars a bit clearer, held the additional weight of being alone with him. A weight you hadn’t been aware of until you noticed the way he had reacted to it. All too eager to oblige to your request.

It left you hesitating, unsure if it was something you were comfortable with yet. Of course you had been alone with some of them up to this point, and you were clearly alone with him now, but this situation felt different, far more personal than anything you had been through before.

And yet, what was the alternative? To stay here on your own and inevitably worry over tomorrow’s events until the sun rose? To sit and stress over the uproar your presence was sure to bring when they realized just who their king’s mate was?

As much as going with Yunho terrified you, it also sent a shiver of excitement flowing through you. You could feel the warmth flooding your stomach at the thought of sharing the night with him, at being able to share your love for the stars above with him.

You took Yunho’s hand, allowing him to pull you back to your feet. Haru let out a whine as you separated from him, nudging your side in an attempt to grab hold of your attention once more.

“Haru, no.” Yunho was gentle as he called out the wolf’s attempt to get in between the two of you, yet the intention was clear and Haru backed away from you. “Stay.” Haru made it clear he didn’t enjoy the command, whining once more, but eventually settled back down on the ground next to the fire to obey it.

“I’m sorry.” It took you a second to realize the apology was directed towards you. “Haru is for the most part, an extension of myself, so he…” The light was dim, your figure casting a shadow on his, but it wasn’t hard for you to decipher the almost bashful expression that had crossed his face. “He will bother you all night long if I were to let him join us, wanting to be as close to you as I’ll allow him to.”

“Oh.”

You could feel your own embarrassment creeping up at his confession, unsure just how to respond to it. But as embarrassed as his words made you feel, you thought you were beginning to understand. They had said the bond wasn’t quite as strong for you as it was for them, but even you felt its effect this close to him. If you struggled to keep yourself from burying yourself into his side for warmth, what was it like for him? And if it was stronger like they claimed, how the hell was he resisting it?

“It’s for the best if he stays anyways, especially if someone were to wake and notice our absence before we return. We’ll be too far to communicate with anyone other than Hongjoong, and San will be taking over my watch within the next hour or so.”

“Is it fine if we go, then? I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

“Trust me, angel, your request is no trouble at all. Haru will let me know if anyone is searching for either of us and lead them our way if needed,” Yunho replied, brushing past your worries. “And if it’s your own safety that concerns you, I give you my word that no harm shall come to you tonight. If my word still means anything to you, that is.”

“It does.” Despite doing your best to reassure each of them that night had been your own fault, they still blamed themselves for what had happened. And though talk of that night had become sparse, you could see the blame they still laid upon themselves in moments like these. “And my safety was never a concern of mine. I trust you, Yunho. I guess-“

You didn’t understand the impact your words held until you saw the way he reacted. The hand that was still clasped firmly against yours tightening its grip as his body tensed. His eyes widened ever so slightly as your words caught him off guard.

“I guess,” you repeated, trying not to think too deeply about what you had just said or the implications it might have had, “I guess I’m just worried I would be inconveniencing you and I don’t want to cause any more problems than I already have. If it’s better for me to stay-“

“Angel,” Yunho’s eyes softened, bringing up his free hand to cup the side of your face, “nothing you could ever ask of me would ever be an inconvenience. You are not an inconvenience.”

Your eyes shifted to the ground, pulling away from his touch. Despite the genuinity in his eyes, you didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him. Not when you had only ever been told the opposite. Not when you were more than aware your mere existence had always been an inconvenience to those around you and would continue to do so. After all, how much easier would it have been for all of you if you had just been fully human? No one would have a problem with you then, would they?

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

You felt slightly guilty once the words left, not meaning to voice your frustration towards him. If anything, he and the others were the first ones in a long time that had treated you like you mattered. That they wanted you to be around.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t still feel like an inconvenience around them, though this was no fault of their own. It simply came down to the fact they had been stuck with a mutt for a mate.

“y/n.” Yunho’s voice was gentle as he called you back to him, taking no offense to your earlier statement. “You are worth it-“ You shook your head, opening your mouth to rebuke his statement, but he didn’t allow you a moment to speak. “And I know you might not believe it now despite how many times I may try to tell you, but I hope that someday you might.”

He tugged you against him then, pulling you into a tight embrace. Your eyes widened at the sudden move, body stiff as you were pressed flush against him. You struggled to react, still attempting to process what he had said to you right beforehand. The combination was almost too much, the situation threatening to overwhelm you, and yet… you could feel the panic easing out of you as the surprise faded away. Your head had fallen against his chest and you could hear his heart beating, the steady rhythm it thrummed helping to control the panic that had risen up.

“In the meantime, please try and extend some of the grace and kindness you show those around you to yourself.”

His body was warm, making it impossible for you to keep from moving in closer, burying yourself fully into his arms. “It’s hard.”

“I know.” His reply was soft, words mumbled against the top of your head. “But you can talk to me. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

You knew the wisest action to make would be to pull away, but was that what you wanted? His touch was comforting, helping to ease the anxiety coursing through you. It was a welcome relief from the past hour you had spent by yourself, trying your hardest to avoid the fears that crept up in the corners of your mind. Would it be so terrible if you were to give in just this once? If you opened up just a little and allowed him to carry your burdens with you for just a moment?

You felt the words bubbling up at the back of your throat, begging you to open up and confess them to the man before you if you only found the courage.

“Yunho, I’m scared.” You hadn’t realized how heavy the words were until they were out, immediately lightening the load on your shoulders. “I’ve stepped foot into hundreds of war zones, snuck my way around them knowing exactly what might await me if I were to get caught by the wrong person, but none of it compares to the fear that has been building up with each step we take towards your world.” Now that it was finally out, the rest of the words flowed with ease. “I’ve barely come to terms with the fact I’m your mate here within the safety of this camp and around those whom my identity as the Black Angel might have earned me an inkling of respect. So, how the hell am I supposed to come to terms with any of this amongst those who will be more vocal in their distaste for it?”

And there would be those against it. There was no doubt about that. Even if you weren’t their mate, and had simply been brought back because of your ability to heal, you would come to deal with the same prejudice and hatred you had faced back home amongst the humans. But this time, you weren’t just some random half-daemon who could save a person from death, you were Hongjoong’s mate, and by proxy, his guardsmen as well. If they didn’t want you in their city, they most definitely didn’t want you as their queen.

And you couldn’t even blame them. Not when you didn’t want to be queen either.

“I’m sorry, angel.” Yunho’s arms tightened, attempting to bring you in closer than you were already. “I know how terrifying it can be to leave your home and arrive at court in Taeyang, but that doesn’t mean I have any idea what it must be like for someone like you. Nor will I ever.” He was gentle as he slowly loosened his hold on you, pulling away just far enough so that he could look you in the face. “I do not know exactly how things will go when we arrive tomorrow nor how some will react, but you won’t have to go through any of it on your own. We’ll be by your side each step of the way.”

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” Yunho’s brow furrowed, taken back by the sudden change in conversation. “Taeyang?”

You nodded. Though you had caught snippets of the daemon’s capital from them over your time on the road, the majority of the city and its inhabitants were a mystery to you. And though Yunho’s confession had prompted the question from you, you would have been lying if you had said you hadn’t just asked if as a way to direct the conversation away from yourself.

“I would assume it’s quite different from any city you’re used to.” He let you go for just a moment, hands lowering to take hold of your hand and begin guiding you towards the southern edge of the camp. “Though I’m sure you’ve already been able to gather that much from the few cities we’ve passed through this past week.”

He was right. Though you had done your best to keep your head down in the cities and villages you passed by, all it took was one passing glance to take note of the difference. The design of the buildings was vastly different from any town you had been to before, alongside the structure of the town itself. You were used to hard lines and stone, buildings compact against each other between streets of dirt and mud. But here, everything was more open, buildings sprawled out amongst the terrain, incorporating the nature around them into their design. And a large majority of buildings featured areas, though covered by the sloping roofs above, left completely open to the warmer air of the south.

“To me, it’s most beautiful in the autumn during the Festival of Memories when the Dal is set ablaze by the lanterns sent out along it.” The hint of a smile appeared on Yunho’s lips. “Then there’s the way the city comes back to life in the spring when the plum blossom trees bloom. You should see the royal gardens at that time, especially at night when the fireflies come out.”

“It sounds beautiful.” You could only imagine the scene in your head, having only ever caught glimpses of the gardens in Maehwa when your services had been requested by the council. “Do you miss it?”

Yunho was silent for a moment, mulling over your question as he led you past the edge of camp and off into the nearby field. “Parts of it, perhaps. There’s a familiarity about the city that is comforting after all this time. It is my home, after all, but I do not miss the politics of deception that fills the halls there. There are many who will do or say anything if they believe it might benefit them in some way.”

You understood what he meant. Though Maehwa had never treated you well, it had been your home and a part of you longed to return. It may have not been the greatest of lives, but you had been happy at times. Life was constant. There were no surprises. No unexpected events that would change the entire course of your life. You were normal, or at least as normal as you could be as a half-daemon, able to carry on with your life with little issue with your siblings by your side.

“Do they know?” You were conscious of the way Yunho hadn’t let go of your hand during this time, but you didn’t dare attempt to slip it away. Not with the way it helped to keep you grounded, a physical reminder that you were not alone at the moment. “About me? About my relationship to all of you?”

Yunho nodded, but you weren’t sure exactly how the revelation made you feel. “The majority of the court learned about you when Hoseok, Hongoog’s father, did. He… he saw your relation to his son as a reflection of weakness upon him, so he wasted no breath shaming Hongjoong on the matter.”

His words made you feel like you had just been dumped into a bath of ice, body freezing as the weight of them hit you. You had always known how ridiculous it was for someone like you to be his mate. When they had told you, it had felt like some attempt at a cruel joke, made worse by learning it was indeed true. To know the only reason any of them had shown an ounce of kindness or expressed attention towards you was because of some supernatural bond that tied you all together. Even now, it still hurt, fully aware Yunho wouldn’t even be out here comforting you without you.

And yet, you had never stopped to consider how it all might have felt from their view. From Hongjoong’s view. How had he felt when he first learned about you? How had he felt when he had first learned the person he had been waiting for was a half-daemon? Had he been upset? Had he felt shame? Had he wished things might have been different? That you had been different?

He must have. It was only natural for him to wish fate would have delivered him a better hand. It was only natural for him to wish it had been someone other than you. Someone better than you.

And yet, he had saved your life, going so far to risk his own for yours. When he should have ignored the bond and listened to the other daemons and allowed his father to kill you, he hadn’t.

Why? Why hadn’t he? Why hadn’t any of them?

“Many of them believed you to be dead alongside your father in the years that followed.” Yunho continued, sensing the way your body had tended beside him. “And it wasn’t until after Hongjoong was crowned that they discovered what had truly happened and that you were still alive. As you can imagine, it created quite the uproar on many accounts. Nothing like this had ever happened before.”

Was it simply because of how difficult it was to reject a mate? They had told you how impossible it was to fight against the bond. How it was stronger than either of you could fight against and strong enough to drive you insane if you attempted to reject or ignore it. In the end, it didn’t matter how ridiculous it all sounded. It didn’t matter if they were against it. There was simply no way to fight against it. A fact you were quickly coming to learn for yourself.

But would they have dealt with the repercussions if none of them had ever met you? Would it have been impossible for them to reject you if you had died so long ago?

“Would it not have been easier to just let me die?” You pulled Yunho to a stop, terrified to hear the confirmation you knew awaited you at the other end, but desperate for it all the same. You needed to know. “Perhaps if Hongjoong had never met me. If none of you had ever met me, then-“

“He would have spent an eternity with a part of him missing, just as we all would have when the bond between us fully snapped into place. Even if we had never fully known you, we would have spent the rest of our lives mourning you.” His reply was soft as he brushed aside the hair the wind tossed into your face, expression terribly gentle “As impossible as it all may seem, none of us regret the choices we made to get to this moment here. To get to you. How could we?” He raised a hand against your cheek, thumb tracing along the bone. “You have no idea just what you do to us, do you? What you do to me?” He moved the hand he held towards his chest, laying your palm against the area above his heart. “Can you feel that, angel? Can you feel how it beats for you and only you now?”

You could feel the heat pooling inside you, locked into place from the intensity he took you in. The raw emotion in his voice made your breath hitch, heart thudding in your chest. You didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him, but one look at him left you trembling as your chest ached for you to just let him in. To let yourself be loved.

“Never before have I so fully been enraptured by another. Your presence captivates my entire being and not a second goes by that I do not think of you and what I wish might become between us. Of everything I would do for you to finally make you see yourself the way I see you.”

“Yunho…” Your voice quivered, breathless from his confession. You didn’t know what to say, let alone what to think. All you could focus on was the way he peered down at you so lovingly, as though he fully believed each and every word he spoke to you.

Whether it was on purpose or not, you could feel the wave of emotions that flooded through him into you. You could feel the desire he spoke towards you filling him, of how much he yearned for you to return the same sentiment towards him. And when his thumb brushed against your lower lip, it was impossible to tell whether you simply felt his desire to kiss you burning through you or whether it was your own natural inclination building up.

“We chose you, angel. We have accepted you just as you are.” Yunho leaned closer, slowly closing the distance between the two of you. “Won’t you now please accept us? Just give us a chance?”

He gave you no time to respond - not that you would have been able to if he had, his words fully rendering you speechless - closing the gap completely and pressing his lips against your own. They were hesitant at first, just barely brushing against you as though testing to see just how you would respond to it. Only once you hadn’t pulled away did he finally deepen it, using his grip on your face to tug you closer to him.

You were frozen in place. A thousand different thoughts were running through your head, but you couldn’t quite grasp at any of them. It was impossible to differentiate them from his own desire that overflowed into you still, looking at the base of your stomach. The only thought you could properly take hold of was how soft his lips were against your own and how very warm they were.

Your body responded before your mind did, fingers tightening their grip on his shirt in an effort to pull yourself in closer. The action left him gasping, and a wave of pure joy ran over into you from the excitement he felt at you returning the kiss with a similar fervor.

It was over just as quickly as it had started. Yunho was the first to pull away, breathless as his forehead came to rest upon your own. You remained silent in the seconds that followed, eyes still shut as your mind replayed the moment in your head, holding on to the high the act had created for as long as you could before reality came crashing back down on you.

You could feel his fingers trailing across your face, taking you in as much as he could for the brief moment he had you with your guard down. And when your eyes finally fluttered open, you were caught off guard by the face that met you; the pure adoration that lined his features convincing you for just a moment that everything he had said was true. That you were worth it.

Your face turned away as the situation finally processed in your mind, cheeks tinting pink as you realized what you had just done. You felt no regret for allowing him to kiss you or for the way you had returned it, but the yearning you felt to give in and close the distance between you once more did scare you. The desire you felt for the man standing before you was completely foreign and you struggled to process it. Never before had you ever wanted something, wanted someone, as much as you wanted him now.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho’s voice was strained as he broke the silence, “should I not have?”

You shook your head. “No, it’s…” It was a struggle to speak, unsure of just what to say. Your head was still spinning, thoughts flying as you tried to straighten it all out in your head and just how you felt about all it. “It was nice. It’s just… I just…” You stumbled over your words, face growing hotter with each passing second. You struggled enough as it was with communicating your emotions and having to do so now over something you had very little experience with felt nearly impossible. “I’ve never-“

You cut yourself off, unable to stop the wave of embarrassment that ran through you at the thought of revealing your lack of experience. Of revealing that you had never before shared this sort of experience with anyone before. Of how you had never kissed anyone before. Of how you had never felt this way before and how terribly overwhelming it all was.

Instead of attempting to finish your thoughts, you tucked your head against his chest in the hope of hiding your reddening face. He didn’t try to push you further and was silent alongside you as his fingers brushed through your hair.

“Shall we go and observe the stars now, love?” Yunho was the first to speak, pulling your face back out to meet him.

You nodded, having completely forgotten why you had come to him in the first place. Despite the overwhelming nature of everything that had occurred between the two of you, it had worked as the distraction you had hoped for. You had long since forgotten why you had wanted out in the first place and the stress that had plagued your mind earlier in the night had been replaced with a different anxiety altogether.

You allowed him to guide you further into the night, away from the lights of the camp behind you. As you went, you resituated the blanket along your shoulders, feeling much colder than before now that you weren’t pressed up next to Yunho. You hoped it would help with the heat still pooling inside you and prayed it would ease the redness of your cheeks.

It was just a kiss. It may have been your first kiss, but it was still just a kiss and nothing to get so worked up about, but one glance in his direction was all it took for your face to flame again. Your thoughts kept trailing back to the feeling of his lips on your, alongside the way he had looked at you so lovingly. The way he had so unabashedly confessed his feelings to you making your stomach flip.

“Is this far enough?”

You nodded, any and all feelings you might have pushed aside in the silence fully returning once Yunho turned back to you. A hint of a smile danced across his face, and you were once again struck by just how beautiful he was. You had always known it, but the kiss had given rise to a whole new wave of emotions flooding through you. It made you wonder if you had fallen asleep without ever realizing, and the events that had transpired between you nothing more than a dream. Seeing him bathed in starlight, the near epitome of perfection, left you feeling small beside him. How could someone like you have ever caught the eye of someone like him?

You tumbled to the ground, wondering why you had ever thought this would be a good idea. When you had asked for a distraction, this wasn’t what you had meant. You hadn’t wanted to spend the night wrestling over your feelings for a man you knew was way too good for you despite everything he said.

The night sky offered little comfort. Everything was cleared out here away from the lights, but you struggled to piece the stars together. Everything was different here, the stars shifting far more than anything you had seen in your travels before, reminding you just how far from home you truly were.

“Minnie, Woo, and I used to sneak out all the time when we were younger to observe the stars. My mother had taught Soomin the constellations before she passed, who in turn taught them to us before she outgrew the act of sneaking outside Maehwa’s walls.” Your voice was soft as you spoke, finding a bit of your panic fading away as you slowly found your way amongst the twinkling lights above. “Soomin says she loved the stars, so much so that she named each of us after them. And though I never knew her, I feel as though I can see a sliver of her in them.”

And tonight, the stars seemed to echo your sentiment. The stories said that falling stars were tokens of good luck and fortune sent by those who had long since passed from this world. And though you had never given much merit into the thought, it gave you some form of comfort tonight. Who else could have sent them besides your mother who had loved them so dearly in her life? As though to tell you, I see you. I hear you. I am with you always.

You shivered, wishing more than ever that you had had a chance to know her. What had she been like? What about her had drawn the attention of someone like your father? Hadn’t he also been a member of the former Black Guard? Hadn’t he also been forbade from any sort of relation like the one he had with her? Had she ever felt the same way you did now? As though she wasn’t worth the love he gave her? As though she wasn’t worth the risk despite how happy she might have been?

It hurt to think about, chest aching as you wished more than ever before that things had been different. You wished you could have known them, seen who they truly were for yourself and not from snippets you heard from others. You wished it could have been your mother sitting by your side tonight, giving you guidance at a moment you felt completely lost.

“Soomin is a summer child, so you aren’t able to see her constellation this time of the year. The stories claim it is because the serpent goddess disappears into the southern seas each winter, hibernating through the colder weather to return in full strength in the spring.” You didn’t know what possessed you to explain the origins of your namesakes, but it was comforting to think about and a welcome distraction from everything else. “It’s why they say it always rained so much at that time, as she brings the sea with her to nourish the earth for the new year.”

“Hyunwoo and I were born in the dead of winter, however, so you should be able to see them at this time. In fact, Hyunwoo’s should be somewhere…” Your eyes followed the trail of stars, piecing together the patterns until you found the collection you had been searching for. “There!” You did your best to guide Yunho’s gaze towards them, subconsciously leaning over to better line up his sight. “His namesake was said to be a great and mighty archer whose ability caught the attention of the Gunungsins. They challenged him to a competition, promising him a spot amongst their rank if he were to succeed. He did, of course, and now he roams the skies above keeping watch over those down below.”

“And then-“ Your words cut off when you caught sight of him in the corner of your eye. He was looking at you again, the hint of a smile dancing across his face. “I’m sorry.” The blush you had finally gotten under control came rushing back. You had been rambling, boring him with information he hadn’t asked for, nor did he care to hear about. “You probably didn’t care to hear about all that.”

“No, please continue. I’m most interested in what you have to say, especially on your own.” He nudged your shoulder, gently encouraging you to continue on. “And I apologize if my distraction made you think otherwise. It’s just… you’re very beautiful, you know? Especially when you are talking about the things you're passionate about.”

God damn it, Yunho.

“I’m sorry, truly.” Yunho replied, clearly hearing you curse him in your head. It hadn’t upset him though, and he struggled to control his laughter at the outburst, making you wonder if his apology was sincere or not.

Your cheeks were definitely red again, however. Any and every feeling you had managed to suffocate over the past few minutes returning once more.

Was he doing it on purpose? Enjoying the way you squirmed under his gaze and hoping perhaps if he prodded enough, you would do something about the growing desire you had to kiss him that had been pooling in your stomach ever since the first.

“Please, continue,” he added in your silence, leaning closer towards you as he finally turned his gaze back towards the sky. “Which one is yours?”

“It’s the cluster just to the south of Hyunwoo’s, just above the horizon.” It took a second for you to steady your voice, aware of Yunho’s side now brushing against your own as he followed your guide. “She was said to be a maiden whose lover had become deathly ill. The only cure was in the flowers that grew at the peak of a nearby mountain, and though he had begged her not to go as the path was long and treacherous, she persevered and obtained that which she sought.” It had been a while since you had last thought of the story, and it felt strange telling it to Yunho now. Despite being a tale told through the ages, it felt oddly personal telling it to him now. “When she arrived home, however, she learned her lover had succumbed to the disease in her absence. She mourned for days, unable to live without him and ready to take her own life. The moon, however, who had watched the tragedy unfold, was moved by the woman’s selfless love and offered the woman passage to her immortal domain in the stars where she was reunited with her lover. Now they forever roam the skies together, given the happy life they had been stolen here.”

“Your mother named you well.”

“Soomin thinks so as well. She used to curse our mother for naming me after the maiden, claiming it had caused me to take the story too seriously and share her lack of concern for her own life. And I don’t know,” you shrugged, remembering all the times Soomin had cursed you in the past, “maybe she’s right. Maybe I have been cursed by my namesake, but she persevered to the end, did she not? Perhaps I will too.”

“y/n?”

You hummed in response, wondering what it was that had prompted him to call you out by name.

“May I kiss you once more?”

This made you stop, and you could feel the wave of heat flooding through you at the request. You didn’t dare look over at him, doing your best to not show just how much his sudden question had caught you off guard.

“You wish to kiss me?”

“Very much so.” The pressure at your side grew as he leaned in closer next to you, fingers brushing the hair that blocked your face back behind your ear. “If you’d let me, that is.”

Your fingers dug into the fabric of the blanket you held, trying to process his request in your head and just what it was you wanted. Deep down, you already knew what it was. You wanted him to kiss you because you wanted to kiss him.

So, then why did the thought of it scare you so much?

You wanted it. There was no doubt about it, but the thought of acting out on your emotions terrified you, and you couldn’t quite pin your finger as to why. Was it the unknown that scared you? Simply self-conscious of your lack of experience. Or was it the underlying fear that they would change their minds that strayed at the back of your mind? That despite their reassurances, eventually they would realize what you knew all along and move on. And the only way to keep yourself safe was to keep your distance.

You made the mistake of turning your head. One look at the man beside you and you could feel yourself caving; your want for him outweighing any fear you might have had.

Fuck it.

You didn’t have to verbalize your consent, the way your head tilted towards his own telling him everything he needed to know. He wasted no time, pulling your chin up towards him and capturing your lips against his own once more.

He continued to periodically kiss you throughout the next few hours you remained awake. At his behest, you pointed out more stars and constellations, telling him their stories as best you remembered. He would interrupt you every so often to kiss you once more, seemingly at random. You would be in the middle of a story or pointing out a new constellation and he would cut you off with his lips, making you lose your train of thought each and every time.

At some point, the blanket you had was extended towards him, and he was quick to bring your body in next to him. A part of you was still conscious of the closeness, of the vulnerability you were showing him. Would it not be best if you pulled back? The less involved you got with them, the less it would hurt when it all came crashing down. And it would, would it not? You would arrive in Taeyang tomorrow and they would finally come to their senses and realize you didn’t belong in this world. In their world.

But for now, it was nice. Perhaps the nicest night you had had in a very long time. For once in your life, you were able to forget your worries and just relax. Thoughts of tomorrow had been pushed to the back of your head, overtaken by the man next to you and how warm he was. How terribly sweet he was.

So, for once in your life, you let yourself enjoy the moment for what it was. You let yourself relax into Yunho’s side, allowing yourself to open up just a little bit, because perhaps he was right. Perhaps things would all work out. All you had to do was let them. All you had to do was accept them.

~~~

Is it almost time to switch?

San didn’t so much as open his eyes as he lazily reached out to Yunho, hoping the other daemon would tell him he still had a little time left to sleep. He hated pulling the second shift of your guard. While Yunho might have gotten an hour or two of your time before you went to sleep due to your insomnia, he wouldn’t get to see you until you woke up in the morning. And by then, everyone else would also be awake and vying for your attention.

Yunho?

It was only in the second bout of silence that he realized Yunho wasn’t just ignoring him. He couldn’t feel the taller daemon’s presence on the other side of the bond at all. Yunho was nowhere in his current vicinity at the moment, cutting off communication between them.

This had San waking quickly, reaching out just a bit farther along the bond that tied him to you only to be with silence once more. Neither of you were anywhere nearby.

While he was concerned, he didn’t allow the panic hovering at the back of his head to take hold of him just yet. San knew how nervous you had been, he could feel the anxiety growing within you each day you drew closer to Taryang, so he didn’t doubt you must have simply wandered off somewhere in the hopes of easing it. And with Yunho being gone as well, he could only assume the two of you must have gone out somewhere together.

He was met by a pair of black eyes as he exited the tent, finding one of Yunho’s shadow beasts lying near the fire Yunho had sat near at the beginning of his watch. Haru’s head lifted at his approach, observing him with mild curiosity.

“Where are they, buddy?” San bent down next to the beast, scratching the back of his head. If Yunho had left him here, then he knew the two of you must have been somewhere safe and there was no reason to wake any of the others. “Can you take me to them?”

Haru stood up at the request, stretching his front legs and shaking out his fur before setting off towards the south of camp. San was quick to follow, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to straighten it as he yawned. He wasn’t sure what time it was. The candle set out to signal the end of the first watch had long gone out, signifying Yunho’s watch had ended some time ago. Wherever the two of you had gone, he must have lost track of time, causing San to curse under his breath. Normally, he wouldn’t have minded if Yunho took over part of his watch, enjoying the extra sleep, but not when it was because he had gotten distracted by you. If only the watches had been switched, then it could have been him out there with you right now instead.

You hadn’t strayed too far from camp. Once Haru had left the tents behind, he could feel hints of your presence along the bond once more. To his surprise, your emotions had shifted significantly since he had seen you last. The anxiety that had riddled your body had almost completely disappeared, leaving you far more relaxed than he had ever felt you before.

This had him curious, wondering what might have conspired between the two of you to put you in such a state. For one brief second, the impossible crossed his mind. Yunho hadn’t mated with you, had he? But he shook the thought away before he could ponder it long enough to feel the outcome of that scenario. It was impossible, at least now. You hardly let them touch you at this current time, growing flustered and escaping away the moment things became too heated for you. There was no way you would give in and bare yourself completely to Yunho at this time.

He didn’t have to wonder for long, eventually finding you curled up against Yunho on the ground in the nearby field. The two of you were bundled up beneath a blanket and your head rested against his chest as you slept. It was the most peaceful he had ever seen you, for once completely at ease with one of them. It didn’t completely erase the jealousy that was brimming in his chest as he took you in, but it did alleviate some of it. How could he be upset seeing you like that? Knowing that whatever Yunho had done or said had eased your mind enough to help you sleep before the day you had tomorrow?

Yunho’s eyes were also closed, but San knew he was awake before he brushed against his subconscious. Despite how comfortable the other daemon might have been next to you, he would have never drifted off. Not when your safety was at risk in an environment like this.

I see now why you didn’t wake me.

It was hard for San to keep his tone from sounding too bitter, wishing once again that it could have been him instead. Though you had loosened up around each of them in your journey, he had yet to get as close to you as some of the others. And not nearly as close as he had been that night in Maehwa so long ago.

He still remembered the moment he had first seen you that night. He had thought you were beautiful the moment he first saw you, but the feelings that had arisen seeing you dressed like that had been something else altogether. You had looked so radiant, so regal, that night, and it was at that moment he knew without a doubt that he would lay down his life for you. Spend the rest of his waking moment serving you in any way you desired. He would do anything for you, his queen, and bathe the world in the blood of anyone who stood in your way.

“She fell asleep,” Yunho couldn’t hide the smile Sam’s words pulled as he replied, shifting slightly in the means of pulling you closer to him, “and I didn’t see the harm in straying here for just a bit. I don’t want to wake her after she finally got to sleep. She needs all the rest she can get for tomorrow.”

San couldn’t blame Yunho, both of them aware the moment between the two of you would end the moment he took you back to camp. And if he had been in Yunho’s position, he would have held you as long as he could. He would spend the entire night under the stars with you if he could. Whatever it was that you desired.

“She kissed me, San.” Yunho’s following words made San stop, and he had to replay them over in his head before the implication of them hit. “Well, technically, I kissed her, but she let me. She kissed me back. And then she allowed me to kiss her again when I asked.” He paused, shifting to his side as gently as he could to better take in your sleeping figure next to him. “Don’t worry though,” he was quick to add, eyes glancing over at San as if he knew just what thoughts had popped up in his mind, “I think it will be a while again until she allows me to do it again. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done it. She was vulnerable, desperate for any form of distraction from the days she has in front of her, but I couldn’t control myself. Not with the way she was looking up at me, and certainly not with the thoughts running through her head.”

And what thoughts would those be? San spoke to Yunho directly when you stirred in your sleep. As much as he did want to spend time with you, he couldn’t stand to wake you either. Not after you had finally gotten to sleep.

She thinks we should have just let her die.

San was thankful he had taken the time to sit down on your other side, Yunho’s confession shaking him to his core.

That everything would have been easier if none of us had ever met her.

San was well used to your attempts at rejecting them. You had made it clear that you didn’t believe you were deserving of any of them, believing your status as a half-daemon made you lesser than them in some way. He knew the insecurities you held towards yourself, fueled by all the lies you had been told by the people before them. Their treatment towards you had cut you deep, and though killing them had alleviated some of his anger on the matter, it did nothing to heal the scars that remained. And to now hear their lies had led you to believe it would have been better if you had died alongside your parents, refueled his hatred towards them fully. He wished more than anything he could go back in time, realizing whatever death he had given them then was far too merciless. They deserved to suffer for what they had done to you.

But the rage Yunho’s revelation brought only lasted so long, dissipating the second his mind thought of the inevitable. What would have happened if Hongjoong and Yeosang hadn’t gotten to you in time? If Hoseok had succeeded in his attempt to kill you alongside your parents?

He could only stray on your death for so long before it became too much. The sheer panic he had felt when you had been attacked was something that still haunted him to this day. For days he had been unable to keep you from his sight, putting up as many barriers as he could manage to ensure nothing else happened to you, even going so far as to sketch the runes beneath your saddle to ensure no one but them could approach you when you were on the road. The last thing he wanted to think about was a life without you in it, let alone a life in which you never were.

It made him wonder just where he was going wrong? Had their actions not shown you how much they cared? Had they not shown you just how much you meant to them? Had they not been enough to convince you that they would do anything to keep you safe? To keep you happy?

He would have been lying if he said he hadn’t cursed your humanity before. Not for the reason you would have expected him to; he couldn’t care less about your blood status. He didn’t care if you were considered pure or not; it didn’t change who you were as a person, let alone how he saw you. But he did hate how your human heritage did limit the effects of the bonds that tied you to them. It had only been around two months since you had entered his life and he was already beginning to go insane. Every fiber of his being was drawn towards you, desperate to finally claim you as his own. It was driving him crazy. You were driving him crazy. Each second he spent next to you only fueled his hunger for you. A hunger you very well would have felt just as strongly if you had more maetha flowing through your veins.

He may have promised alongside the others to wait as long as you needed, but he knew he hadn’t been the only one who had lied to you at that moment. He wouldn’t be able to wait that long. It would be impossible for him to wait another lifetime to finally have you. He knew it. The others knew it. But it didn’t really matter. In the end, the lie was meaningless. Even with your humanity, not even you could fully withstand the bond that mates shared. Already, you were cracking. A fact shown in your current position curled up to Yunho beside you.

Does she realize that would have changed nothing? That it would have simply resulted is us feeling as though a part of us would have been missing for the rest of our lives?

I told her as much.

And?

And… then I kissed her. Yunho paused, weighing the situation in his head. I guess a part of me hoped to convey just how much she means to us and that we mean each and every word we say. …At least that was the original intention, but then… The way she looked at me, San, I couldn’t control myself anymore.

San was silent as he took in Yunho’s confession. As much as he wanted to be jealous, he knew Yunho wasn’t telling him all this to simply rub in the fact he got to kiss you first. Some of the others might have, including himself, but that wasn’t something Yunho would do. He was simply trying to piece the situation together himself, working through the wave of emotions flooding through him.

Did you know she was named after the stars? Yunho shifted, eyes wandering the sky above. That’s why she stays out so late at night. It’s the one place she feels truly at home.

Do you think she’ll ever feel that way with us?

I hope so. Yunho sighed. You should have seen her, San. The passion that filled her. The way her eyes would light up. I like to think a part of her enjoyment was getting to share a part of herself with me. Of having someone to share it with.

A wave of images flooded San’s mind as Yunho shared his thoughts with him. He could hear the hushed excitement in your voice as you spoke about some particular collection of stars, and see the way your eyes lit up just before turning away shyly when Yunho gently encouraged you to continue. To think Yunho had managed some control over kissing you was a shock to San. If it had been him, he would have kissed you under the stars until your lips were bruised and you were desperate for air.

As much as I wish to stay here, we should probably head back. Yunho’s fingers ran through your hair, taking in what little time he had left with you. Dawn will be arriving soon and I don’t doubt she’ll be more comfortable waking up in her own bed rather than here. She has enough to worry about tomorrow.

I’ll get her. San was quick to offer, eager to have you in his arms again, even if it was just for a few moments.

Yunho offered no resistance, allowing San to wrap his arms around your sleeping figure and gently pick you up. You stirred once more from the movement, but did little more than curl in closer to him once he had you secured. San’s heart fluttered at the action, unable to resist planting a chaste kiss against the top of your head as his grip on you tightened.

It was hard to let you go once they had made it back, and even harder to lay you down in your own bed, knowing he couldn’t stay there with you. All he wanted was to take you back with him, curling up next to your body which would slot in so perfectly next to his own.

Nothing would happen if you weren’t ready. He’d be perfecting content with just having you next to him for now. But if you would just give him a chance, oh, the wonders he could show you. The things he could do to convince you he wanted nothing more than to have you by his side for the rest of your lives. The way he would worship your body and sing your praises all but forcing you to believe just how much you truly meant to him.

But today was not that day. And he didn’t doubt it wouldn’t be any day in the near future either. For now, you were still stuck behind the walls you had built around yourself, an invisible barrier he had yet to find his way through. For now, he would have to be content with your mere presence, knowing that one of these days you might finally allow him to come inside. He just had to be patient, because one day he would succeed. One of these days he would finally get to fully savor you in the way he had craved ever since he had first set eyes on you.

And he couldn’t wait.

~~~

taglists are in the reblogs :)

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez #hongjoong x reader #jongho x reader #mingi x reader #san x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #wooyoung x reader #yeosang x reader #yandere ateez #ateez fantasy au

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supercorpkid · 15 days

Text

How You Get the Girl

Supergirl. Lena Luthor x Reader!, Kara Danvers.

Word Count: 2500.

Notes: I really love this fic, and part 2 (my favorite ever written) is coming soon :)

"Hey, remember my friend Barry?" Kara asks as you settle onto her couch, balancing containers of takeout food. The late hour has granted Kara a break from her Supergirl duties, allowing for a rare moment of tranquility.

"Barry Allen?" You confirm, and she nods. "The one from another Earth?"

"Yeah." She hands you your food and takes a seat beside you, facing you. "Sometimes we meet just to talk, instead of dealing with end-of-the-multiverse situations."

"Nice. I didn't know that." You start eating, but Kara hesitates, an uncommon occurrence as she's typically the one speaking with her mouth full. "Have you seen him recently?"

"Yeah, and he told me something amusing." Kara tilts her head, uncertain. "He ended up in the wrong universe, thinking he was coming here. He was very confused because everything was oddly similar. You know, there was me, you, Alex, Lena, J'onn…"

"Isn't that normal for different universes?" You furrow your brows. "I might not know much about it, but Lena explained once that when a diversion event occurs, a new Earth is created, so—"

"Yeah, yeah." Kara interrupts, contemplating her words as you watch curiously. "The weird part was that you and Lena were..." She pauses, choosing her words carefully. "Together."

"Okay?" You return your attention to your food, losing interest. "We do spend a lot of time together."

"No, I mean, romantically together. Dating." Kara's revelation makes you snap your head up, heart racing. "More than that, actually. You guys were married! And had a kid!"

"A kid?" You laugh nervously. "Now that's absurd."

"Really? The kid part is absurd?" Kara sets aside her untouched food. "So you and Lena being married didn't strike you as absurd enough?"

You swallow hard, avoiding Kara's gaze as your cheeks flush. Is any of what Kara's saying absurd? Not entirely. Have you thought about you and Lena together before? Definitely. Have you secretly hoped for the day Lena will stop pining over Kara so you can do something about your love for her? Absolutely. Will you ever confess this to Kara? Not a chance.

"I mean," You take a deep breath, raising your head and trying to compose yourself. "Perhaps that's why the new Earth was created, right? A wild new scenario? Me and Lena."

Kara blinks, then chuckles. "I guess you're right." She finally picks up her food and begins eating. "I'm not sure if that's how a new Earth is created, but it's certainly wild enough."

Yeah. Wild enough.

Lena steps off the elevator, and you lift your head to admire her before she notices. Her hair is in perfect dark waves down her shoulders. She looks so tiny in her white sneakers, but you love them so dearly because you know how much more comfortable she's been ever since she stopped wearing those awful heels for work. Her lips, just a splash of red in them, as she's recently been dabbing with wearing less makeup than usual. You don't think she's ever looked this pretty.

The headquarters is unusually quiet; J'onn is in another room, Kara is at work, Alex is out with her girlfriend, and Winn is occupied in one of the computers. For now, it's just you and Lena, which means pining is almost allowed.

"Hey, Y/N." Lena approaches, carrying a gigantic book and sporting a playful grin. "I know you're gearing up to tease me about my book, so go ahead."

"Honestly, Lena. You think too little of me." She raises one eyebrow at you and you hold back your smile. You manage your best British accent. "Have you gone mad, Hermione? Are you a witch or not?"

"Ah. There it is—the Harry Potter quote I've been waiting for." Lena drops the book onto the table with a thud, and you glance at the cover. "Ironically, it's actually about magic." You offer her a smirk, earning an eye roll in return. "So, has Kara mentioned anything about her last encounter with The Flash?"

"Uh." Your mouth drops, why is Lena bringing this up? "She – She might've mentioned seeing him."

"Right. So apparently she told him about my theory on elseworlds and he doesn't agree with it." Lena opens her book, looking for a page. And you breathe out, relieved you won't need to have that fun conversation with someone else. "So, you know, obviously I have to prove him wrong."

"Obviously."

You stare at her lips, curving into a smile. So red and perfect. So close and yet so far away. She might be beside you, but the gap between you feels insurmountable.

"Oh, and he also said something about us being married!" She says and you choke on your own saliva and starts coughing violently. Lena's hand goes to your back and she soothes you, in a protective manner. "I mean, I know it's a little far-fetched, but that's an odd reaction."

"I just –" You try to breathe again, ignoring Lena's hands on your back and the way it makes your body shiver under her touch. "I wasn't expecting that. Sorry."

Lena chooses to ignore your awkwardness, which is very much appreciated, and you fall silent thinking about things you will not have, body parts you will not hold, and the reciprocated love that you won't feel. Thoughts etched in the inside of your mind, so addicted to the illusion of a love that never was and never will be.

"How –" You look back at her and she raises her head, previously nose buried in the book, and you swallow your nervousness. "How does a diversion event occur in order to create a new Earth? Is it something big and worldwide, or is it something small and insignificant?"

"Well, it is commonly thought to be big events. The small insignificant things that follow are usually in response to them."

"I see." You breathe deep one more time, mastering your best courage. "So, what would happen if I were to meet the other me or you from another universe? Would it be a paradox or something?"

"No. We're all different people." You bite the inside of your mouth thinking about it. Lena's voice brings you back from your trance. "Why the sudden interest?"

"Hm? Oh, I'm just trying to understand more." You smile getting up from your place. "Thanks for explaining it to me." She looks at you curiously and you over explain things with your arms, like a lunatic. "Things are slow today. I'm just gonna head home. If there's an emergency, just hit me up."

"Oh, sure." Lena has barely noticed you're gone, nose buried in the book once again. "Yeah, we'll let you know."

Is it madness? You pace the apartment floor, wrestling with your thoughts. Is it crazy to entertain the idea of venturing into another Earth just to witness a scenario where you and Lena are together? Is it reckless and irresponsible? Is it even fair?

But this love you feel for her has been eating you from the inside. You don't believe there's ever been a space quite as big as the one she wished into existence between your heart and hers. So how can you not? How can you not go on an excursion to find out how to summon this love into being?

"Hey!" Kara taps on your window and you turn around to look at her. "What's the emergency?"

"I need to go on a trip." You say. Packed bags at the edge of the couch, forced smile on your face. She flies in, landing close to it.

"Whe –"

"Can't tell you where. Just wanted to give you a heads-up so you won't worry."

Kara studies you, suspicion evident in her eyes. "Did something happen? Are you going on a mission?"

"No!" You rush to assure her, preventing any further questions. "No, no. Nothing happened, really. It's not a –" But it is a mission of sorts. "Not a real mission, maybe one just to answer a question that keeps me fast awake at night."

Kara squints her eyes looking at you, clearly finding your act extremely suspicious, and you curse yourself for your breath stuck in your lungs and the heart beating almost out of your body.

"Kara, you don't need to worry, I promise."

"Too late! Am worried!" She breathes out, sitting on your couch, right next to your bag. "What's going on? You've been acting weird these days. And DON'T –" She points at you accusingly, because she knows you were about to open your mouth and defend yourself. "say you're not, because I know you and you can't fool me, no matter how much you want to."

She's right. Kara knows you inside out. But there's one thing she's mistaken about: you've been successfully fooling her for months.

This pining over Lena, this ridiculous huge crush you've been nurturing for Lena Luthor has been going for far too long. You crave the way she smells and how she talks. You dream about green eyes and perfect arched eyebrows directed at you. You're consistently going out of your way just to see her. You jump on cases, and suggest team pairings. It's crazy the fact that no one noticed yet, because honestly? You don't think you're doing a far too good of a job when your mouth literally drops at the sight of her.

And yet, your best friends haven't figured it out. None of them. Not even the Kryptonian with super hearing and x-ray vision.

"You have nothing to worry about, really. But I can't tell you where I'm going, so you're just gonna have to trust me on this one." You try your best puppy eyes and sweet smile. "You do, right? You trust me?"

Kara's eyes soften immediately as she stands and comes closer to you, "Of course I do, Y/N. You're a strong, powerful woman and you can take care of yourself." She reaches for your arm and winks at you. "Plus, you have me on speed dial."

She means the watch.

You agree with your head and hug her goodbye.

You've never been to another Earth. Have heard enough about it, though, to not look completely lost and out of place. So you do your research, does Supergirl exist? Is Lena running some kind of business empire? Where do all the heroes meet up?

You're quick to find out, LuthorCorp is still very much a thing here, and it's run by yours truly, your so-called wife, Lena. So you make your way there first thing.

"Hi," You try, while talking to the receptionist. "I'm here to see Lena, I'm –"

"Mrs. Luthor!"

Startled, you glance behind, finding no one. "Where?" Then the realization dawns. "Oh. Oh! You mean me. Yeah, I never quite got used to it. Can I go up?"

"Of course, ma'am."

You step into the elevator, musing over how Lena's last name sounds rather fitting when associated with you. In fact, you might prefer it to your own.

"Mrs. Luthor," you overhear Lena's assistant on the phone as soon as she spots you. "Your wife is here."

You make a gesture to correct her, but she's already running to the door. "Mrs. Luthor, please." she nods at you.

"Oh, you don't have – it's ok. I can –" You finally smile back at her. "I'll take it from here, thanks."

As soon as the door closes behind you, Lena makes her way towards you.

Holy shit, she's a mirror image of your Lena. Not a single strand of hair out of place. She even wears the same style of heels your Lena used to, with a high ponytail and those perfect red lips curved into a smile.

"Darling, I didn't know you were dropping by." Before you can say anything, she's planting a kiss on you—a short, sweet peck that catches you off guard. It takes a few moments for you to close your eyes and reciprocate, only to find Lena pulling away. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm not your wife!" The words burst out before she can lean in again, the realization hitting you hard. It hurts to say, especially when all you want is to kiss Lena once more, even though she's not truly your Lena.

"What?" Lena's eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"I'm a different Y/N. From another Earth." You point to yourself, trying to convey the truth. She stares at you in disbelief, so you rack your brain for ways to convince her. "Call your wife, and you'll see."

Lena blinks, then reaches for her phone on her desk. After a brief conversation, she hangs up. "You're not my wife," she confirms, setting her phone down. "Sorry for the unexpected kiss. You look exactly like her. Well, you are her."

"It's okay. I can't say I hated it." You admit, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks at her amused smirk. Maybe you shouldn't have said that.

"Let me guess, your own world is in danger, and you need our help, or something equally insane?" Lena guesses with a sigh.

"My world is fine. But I do need your help with something insane."

Lena gestures toward the couch, and you follow suit. "Do tell, not-my-wife."

"How did we end up together in this universe? How did I win you over?" You're not even half seated yet and are blurting out questions.

"Win me over?" Lena chuckles at your choice of words. "Oh, darling. You fell in love with a Lena?"

"I'm afraid I did. Except mine is in love with Kara, so –"

"Oh, ok." This Lena shakes her head like that thought is insane. "Can't help you in that area. I was always in love with you – your version from here. In fact, you didn't win me over. I was the one who had to win you."

"Oh yeah, that was probably so hard. Flash those green eyes and a knowing smirk at me, and I'm already head over heels for you."

Lena nods in agreement, a smile playing on her lips. "To be honest, that was pretty much it."

Great, this entire excursion to another universe was useless. This Y/N finally got the girl, and you can't be helped.

"I'm sorry," Lena is quick to say. "I know I was of no help, but don't lose hope!"

"How do you know–"

"Please, Y/N. I am your wife." She reaches for your hand, smiling warmly. "If you fell in love with me here and in your universe, there's likely others where we end up together. I'm not saying you can visit them all—"

"I will visit them all!" You declare, rising from the couch, and you can practically feel Lena rolling her eyes. As you stand, she does too, and you share a goodbye hug. "Thanks for your help, not-my-wife! A pity kiss goodbye in case I never get the girl?"

She chuckles at your jest and plants a kiss on your cheek. "I'm certain you'll get her."

With renewed determination, you prepare for another journey to another Earth.

#supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #lena x reader #reader insert #supergirl fanfiction #supergirl imagine

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sugawarassoulmate · 1 year

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pining!kei trying to steal y/n’s panties but his pathetic ass fails

he can't even do that right!!

words: 427 cw: gn!reader, no pronouns but reader is described as "pretty" and "cute," pervert!kei, implied panty stealing, minors dni

kei rarely ever finds himself in the laundry room. his mother does the laundry while all he ever does is bring his bag down for her to clean.

but instead of his sweaty shorts and dirty socks, it's your clothes folded neatly on top of the dryer. it's more than that, though. sitting pretty at the top of the pile was a pair of your panties.

the washing machine at your house broke down this week and kei's mother was quick to allow you to wash your clothes at her place instead.

and now kei's hand is hovering over the floral pattern of your underwear, reveling in how soft the cotton fabric feels in his hands. he's seen you in bikinis before, sure, but never anything as intimate as your undergarments.

his somewhat innocent thoughts turn more depraved, wishing he had come across this only a few hours before when it was soiled from your juices. kei thinks about stuffing the clothing in his pocket to save for later—for when his thoughts get the better of him and he needs something to wrap around his cock just to get off.

that would be wrong, an incredible breach of your trust—more than what he's already doing now.

"kei in the laundry room? that's a surprise," his brother's voice booms, disrupting the deafening silence. kei realizes he's been caught red-handed but he's thankful it's akiteru standing at the bottom of the stairs instead of you. "are we doing something that we shouldn't?"

the underwear falls out of kei's hands and back onto the pile of your clean clothes. "i was just looking!" he blurted out, cheeks heating up from the embarrassing situation.

"looking at what exactly?" asked akiteru with a knowing look.

before kei is able to come up with another idiotic response, you're trotting down the stairs, ready to take your clean clothes home. "'scuse meeee!" you sing, squeezing past akiteru's larger frame. blissfully unaware of the tense situation in the room, you grab the basket next to kei and flash him a smile.

"did you need to use the machine, kei? sorry, i've been hogging it all day," you apologized, walking out of the room without another word. kei doesn't miss the sweet smile you give his brother before you leave.

akiteru is quick to follow you out of the room, giving his brother a word of advice once you're out of earshot.

"next time you want to be a pervert, little brother, try to be a bit more subtle." he says with a wink.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima x reader #tsukishima akiteru x reader #akiteru x reader #tsukishima smut #akiteru tsukishima x reader #pining!kei #best friend's brother!akiteru #bad boy!akiteru #🍑#🍑tsukishima #🍑akiteru

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antianakin · 2 months

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Pong Krell. It’s universally agreed that he deserved worse than what he got and I get that. I just wished we got to see what he was like before he Fell. Did he always hate clones, was it gradual? Did he suspect something off and went over paranoid?

I’ll say this one and I’ll say this probably a thousand more times but I wished the creators focused on more details with characters. It’s absolutely fascinating that they created a Jedi that Fell but did nothing with it besides outright evil.

How other Jedi reacted to learning that a fellow Jedi betrayed everyone? How did the Republic?

I just wished they did more with him than just, yeah that dude was a dick and killed clones.

Yeah, it's one of the things I don't like as much about TCW, the extremely episodic nature of it means that there really is never any build-up to anything or lasting impact from anything. Unless it's happening within one of the 2-4 episode arcs, we RARELY get to see any kind of build-up or fallout. It's one of the major issues with Barriss, too, we see her ONCE in season 2 and she's calm, kind, methodical, and selfless. And then three seasons later in season 5 she's suddenly ruthless, selfish, doubting everything and everyone, merciless, etc. There is NO BUILD UP to that radical 180 to her character and there's no real exploration of how Ahsoka really feels about that particular betrayal afterwards, the focus in later episodes after the Wrong Jedi focuses only on Ahsoka feeling betrayed by the COUNCIL and her feelings about that. Nothing since TCW has ever touched it either (Rebels, Mandalorian, the Ahsoka show). Satine's death never really comes up again after it happens aside from Bo-Katan being an asshole. Obi-Wan goes from being totally fucked up about Maul coming back to being chill enough to take on Maul and Savage alone and winning without us getting to see him actually deal with those emotions.

Pong Krell and the Umbara arc IN GENERAL falls into this category easily (so do the Zyggeria and the Deception arc tbh). Krell is such a basic evil character, there's so little nuance to him and we never get to see the Jedi react to the revelation that one of their own turned at all. Dooku turned after he had already left the Order as far as any of them really know, but Krell was still IN the Order when he decided to betray them and it would've been really interesting to see the impact of that on them. It would've been ESPECIALLY interesting to explore that more during the Wrong Jedi arc in particular in how the Jedi feel like they can't trust their own people not to betray them anymore after Dooku and Krell.

Krell is presented with like. Zero nuance. He is just unequivocally evil and despite Anakin greeting him in a friendly way at the beginning, the visuals tell you this dude's no good right from his first appearance. There isn't really any chance that he's going to be a good guy at all. So all we are left with are headcanons.

And I remember discussing my Krell headcanons somewhere, but I think it might've been on a Discord server I've since left, so I unfortunately cannot find them again. So I'll try to remember them and immortalize them here, I guess.

Here's the thing about Krell. NO ONE suspects him. So he cannot be overtly acting like a bigoted asshole from the jump at any point, he HAS to be acting in such a way that it's not trickling out to the other clones and to the Jedi themselves that Krell is an absolute monster. Even Fives takes a moment to decide that Krell is suspicious and only brings up Krell's casualty numbers after he sees Krell's behavior for a minute and combines that knowledge with what he's now personally experiencing and is starting to come to conclusions based on that. He doesn't go into the relationship thinking Krell is worse than any other Jedi already.

And based on what we know of EVERY OTHER FALLEN JEDI (Dooku, Anakin, Barriss), they didn't start out as monsters. Dooku was a highly respected Jedi Master who seems to have had a really positive relationship with Yoda and Qui-Gon and simply became disillusioned with the Senate and his care for the people of the galaxy got twisted into something darker over time. Barriss was kind, selfless, compassionate, brave, and resourceful, and it was the war that caused her to start letting her fears and pain consume her into turning on the Jedi. Anakin was kind and spent years having his fears and doubts twisted into selfishness and greed and darkness that allowed him to justify murder and genocide for power. So it wouldn't make sense to me that Pong Krell wouldn't fall into the same pattern where he was once kind and good and selfless and brave, but that the circumstances surrounding the war caused him to lose faith and fall.

My headcanon is that he lost an entire battalion early in the war, much like we see happen to Plo Koon during the Malevolence arc and that that loss and failure just BROKE him. Krell DID care about the clones, he cared about his men, and he FAILED them all. And I think that he saw all of these clones dying by the dozens in all of the other battalions and instead of choosing to let go of his pain and fear and lean into his compassion, he chose to distance himself from them entirely to make it hurt less. If he didn't care about the clones, if he just saw them as the cannon fodder that the Senate treated them all as, then it would hurt less when they died. Maybe the Senate itself even dragged him over the coals for that initial loss. Or perhaps it was the opposite, maybe most of his battalion was killed, but it ultimately ended in a victory anyway because they were forced to just keep going despite the consequences. And so Krell decides to enter this mindset where he is disillusioned with the Senate and just CANNOT allow himself to care about the clones, because it won't change what the Senate is going to do to them anyway, so he may as well just treat them the same way.

And this wouldn't have happened overnight. It wouldn't have been a sudden 180 where he decided he was just going to treat them like shit. But he maybe decided to put some more professional distance between himself and his new battalion, not get close to them, not use their names (although he still knows them, still remembers them all). Maybe one day they're in a tricky situation and all of his options are bad, he HAS to sacrifice some of his men in order to salvage the situation at all, and it's a choice between a full retreat that he KNOWS the Senate won't take well, or sacrificing the men to achieve the victory. So he sacrifices the men. It's not an entire battalion, it's not even a whole company, but it's more than it would've been if he'd retreated. Maybe next time, there's a choice between going back to save some of the men even if it poses a risk to his own life or the mission or something, and he chooses not to go back for them because the mission is more important, or he rationalizes that his life is more important as the Jedi General. And it's just more and more little decisions like that that add up over time to being able to see the clones as nothing more than tools.

The disillusionment with the Senate leads to him sort-of agreeing with things Dooku and the Separatists have said and he can look at the war and realize that it's entirely possible that the Republic is going to LOSE, and he CANNOT be the one who loses again, so maybe he starts bouncing around the concept of maybe switching sides. And of course initially he rejects the idea. He's a Jedi, he won't just abandon the Republic, he can't be a traitor, who in the Separatist side would ever trust him anyway. But once that seed is planted, it doesn't go away and it keeps coming back up and he keeps finding ways to rationalize why it might be a good idea and then deciding not to do it over and over again. Until one day, he can't convince himself that it's a bad idea or that it wouldn't work. He tells himself it's the ONLY option, if he doesn't change sides then he's dead. But Dooku WON'T trust him unless he can prove that he's not on the Republic's side, so he has to come up with a plan to gain their trust. And what better way to earn that trust than to ensure a Separatist victory in an important campaign by double-crossing the Republic.

And once he's chosen to go down that path, it's even EASIER to stop caring about the clones because, well, they're all dead anyway. The Republic is going to lose, the clones are all dead men walking no matter what, so why bother caring about them or trying to keep them alive? He can't lose so often that the Jedi or the Senate become suspicious of him, of course, but it's REALLY easy then to get to Umbara and treat the clones like crap and turn them against each other and intentionally try to get them all killed. They're dead anyway, he's not the one killing them really, is he, the Senate is, the Jedi are, the war is. They were dead from the moment they were created in that test tube because they were created for this specific purpose. It's not his fault.

And much like Barriss turns against the Jedi in part because she did LOVE the Jedi and was devastated by what she saw happening to them and the pain of seeing her people forced to become something they were never supposed to be, as much as her actions were intended as some kind of message to try to sort-of save the Jedi from a course of action she saw as their downfall, I think that Krell turns on the clones because at some point he DID care about them. A lot. And that care became his downfall, the pain at what was being done to them just absolutely gutted him and it threw him down a path that ultimately led him to turn against the very people whose deaths had hurt him so badly just a few short years ago.

Krell might not have been the most effusive or emotional person prior to the war or anything, he might've been a more reserved person similar to Mace or Dooku or Luminara, but I think he probably was a perfectly good Jedi who was kind and selfless and compassionate once upon a time.

And none of the headcanons above have even touched what his relationships with other JEDI must have been like. It's just as possible that he did have friends and people he considered family among the Jedi. Maybe he had a padawan once at some point. And maybe all of those people had died by the time we get to Umbara. Maybe he had to watch a lot of the people he was closest to just fall like flies, and so it starts feeling like nothing matters. Maybe one of the Jedi who died on Geonosis was a former padawan of his, but Krell himself obviously wasn't there and the pain of THAT loss and the guilt he feels at not having been there (even though this padawan had been knighted for a while and there was a good reason Krell wasn't there that day) just sticks with him, too, and he never quite manages to let that go, either.

I think a lot of people choose to just headcanon Krell as having just always been kind-of an asshole even when he was a Jedi, but that doesn't work for me. If Krell was always an asshole, I feel like the Jedi would've stepped in at some point before the war even HAPPENED and tried to manage that situation. And it doesn't match up with the way pretty much every other fallen Jedi has ever been written, where they were GOOD PEOPLE once upon a time who saw awful things happen that they couldn't stop or had an awful thing happen TO them that they couldn't stop and the pain of that experience consumes them to the point that they spiral into darkness as a result. Krell should be the same way, which means he likely was a perfectly good normal Jedi before the war. He would've been kind, he might've been good with younglings (he's tall, maybe he was the one the younglings went to all the time for piggy back rides, maybe he often taught dual wielding to padawans who asked because of how clearly proficient he is at it), he might've taught a student of his own successfully, he would've been wise and selfless and compassionate, he would've loved the Jedi and the people of the galaxy.

Like, to be frank, if Tales of the Jedi HAD to explore a fallen Jedi story, they should've explored Krell instead of Dooku. Dooku has been explored before, we know quite a lot about him and his motivations and his backstory, but Krell, as you noted, is left a mystery and is stuck in the realm of being just purely evil for the sake of the story they were telling in this one arc. Krell needed more nuance in a way Dooku just did not.

#star wars #pong krell #tcw #the clone wars #umbara #umbara arc #krell

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