#(it was a real fucked up situation and I literally can't see any wrong move that I made in terms of Moral Backbone.)

[baby-dr1ver]

kinktober <3

titles

f1!grid x reader

charles

to be honest with you, I see Charles as more of a pet name kinda guy. I don't think he's into being called 'daddy' or 'sir'.

Charles is the type of guy to give you soft pentanes like "love" "baby" "lover" "sweet girl" "pretty girl" or any French name, when he's being really romantic with you. When he's in a rougher mood, he'll pull out "slut" "my slut" to get himself riled up, and he likes the way your pupils dilate when he calls you that.

Charles is such a little marshmallow, I just don't think he's be into that.

carlos

I think this ones obvious....Papi. This man won't even be balls deep in you yet and he'll demand to hear papi come out of your mouth at least once. He'll be fingering you so slowly, using that little come hither motion to hit all those sensitive spots, making you beg for it.

"c'mon hermosa, I know you can do it."

"por favor papi, necesito que me folles. basta de estas burlas." That bastard would pull his fingers out just to rub your clit to keep you on edge. "Aye, buen trabajo bebe, such a good girl for me." next thing you know he's got his cock out and he's fucking you like there's no tomorrow. Just to hear your little 'uh uh's' and 'papi!' mixed in.

lewis

I mean c'mon now, sir hamilton! On a real, I for sure see him being into 'sir'. He'd love the submissive tone you'd take before he ever got your clothes off. You'd be at some club celebrating his podium, and when he asks if you could grab him another drink-you'd lean down in his ear and whisper "yes sir" the way his dick would twitch-

by now you know you've got him locked in. especially when he's got you on the dance floor, letting your hips move against his in a way that would make anyone blush. He'd touch you over your dress, over your breast, gripping your hips. Now you're whimpering, begging even "please s-sir." You'd lead his hand down, right under your dress to cup your pussy. "need you to touch me sir, p-please." at this point, Lewis has got you halfway out the club so he can fuck you in the backseat.

lando

.....mommy?

your gonna tell me this man isn't a switch? As if you wouldn't have him sat in a chair, hands interlaced behind it, gently stroking his cock - aiming to overstimulate him? You're gonna tell me that he wouldn't whimper and moan, pushing his dick up into your hands, trying to get you to go faster? "ah! please mommy can't take it a-anymore!" You'd giggle and lick around the head of his cock softly. "Poor baby." You'd mock pout and Lando would itch to reach out for you, to hold your hand, or your hair, anything he could reach. Looking at the way his lips tremble and his legs shake, the way he begs, you finally gave in. "don't worry baby, mommy will help you."

okay now, that aside, I feel like Lando would like the occasional 'daddy'. but you have to be strategic when you use it. When he's worked up after a race, placing 8th and needing to have some sort of control. He'd have a tight grip on your hair as he forces you on your knees in the middle of his driver room.

"that's it baby, love daddy's dick down your throat huh?" He'd moan as he write literally pushes his dick repeatedly down your throat.

or: when he's gotten a good pole position, and he's feeling really cocky. when you can feel the confidence radiating off of him. The way he eyes you after the race, the possessive hand around your waist. he would just radiate, scream, daddy.

oscar <3

my baby Oscar. everyone see's him as this sweet, shy, reserved person. never would be the type to take control in a situation, level headed. And they aren't wrong, he is! however....he's a sucker for his name. he feels titles are weird after other relationships, you've called other dudes daddy, sir, papi, whatever. his name is his and his only.

the days when he's had to watch half the grid flirt with you as if he wasn't there. having to endure every giggle, blush everyone else gets.

you'd come back to the hotel and he'd slam his things down on the bed. "are you seriously upset?" Oscar would roll his eyes, "No quite frankly I'm not, none of them have you screaming their name every night. it's me, I'm the only person who can get you that way."

"Oscar...." He'd smirk and stalk over to you. "yeah that's right, it's MY name, MY name you're moaning so loud every driver in a mile radius can hear it." Oscar would have a hand around your throat, slowly pushing you back to the wall. "You're my girl understand, no one get's to touch you like I do."

oof I'm sweatin'

[chloeangelic]

😭Why am I crying in the club rn?😭

Listed by author in alphabetical order cause I'm an organized bitch, here are the fics that made me Sit And Think™️ (or cry) in 2023, or

✨ my top 5 gut wrenching authors selection ✨

featuring @atinylittlepain @cherubispunk @macfrog @netherfeildren and @5oh5 🤍🤍🤍

Everyone knows I love angst, I love terrible gut wrenching pain and suffering and then I love it when my tears are drying on my cheeks and they fuck nasty, hell yeah 😎

So if you're like me, here are some recommendations!!

💙 @atinylittlepain

Deliver Me From Nowhere

Read the whole thing in one night and cried repeatedly during. I had it looming in the back of my mind for weeks but didn't feel like I was in the right headspace until I suddenly was, and it hit differently. I love Dolores, I love Joel, I love how he sees her, their dynamic, the exploration of her emotions and headspace, her body language. Fantastic. Want to cry just thinking about it so I'm gonna STOP.

June

Sat and stared at the wall for a long time after this one, then worked up the courage to post TMWH which I seriously don't think I would've had the guts to post had it not been for June. I love how it handles a sensitive, painful, and very real subject, I love that it doesn't paint Joel as a fixer or savior but rather a realistic, kind partner. Again, his understanding of her and how he makes space for her is something I appreciate so much in DMFN and June.

💗 @cherubispunk

Cherub

This one is an excruciating Sit And Think - I didn't cry but I sat there paralyzed for 48 hrs with a thousand yard stare, just thinking intensely about it, after my second read through. Two chapters and I'm already messed tf up over it!! I read them in the middle of the night and then during the day and I have never been this messed up over something labeled PWP before. The passion, the ominous vibes, Cherub being so soft and Joel having this strange dark vibe... I literally just thought about it constantly for two days and I still can't fully put my finger on why. It just slithered into my brain and I still think about it often and go back to read bits and pieces like a little treat.

💚 @macfrog

All Three Dogs

Max posted this on my most depressed day of 2023 so like fuck you ??? I'm sorry like this is phenomenally written and stunning but like what the fuck is wrong with u i'm not even giving u any more compliments on this one bruv sorry you made me like a DBF series and that's a mortal sin so YOU'RE DONE !!! Fucking dead mackerel eyes speak into the mic bitch chicago sunroof 1 after magna carta i am not crazy squat cobbler jesus christ marie lookin ass

Sweet Child O' Mine - particularly pt ii

This one is so cute and yet it hurts so much. It's so real, the MC is so... I don't even know what to say, she's so on her own and she seems so kind and selfless and it just hurts to think about her cause you can feel her love for her child and for Joel and ugh. She tries so hard to be the best person she can be for everyone and it's one of those situations where nobody is doing anything wrong and yet everyone either is already hurt or gonna get hurt, and I think it's that oscillation between love and hurt that really gets me. I also read this in the middle of the night and all I had to say in my RB was like "thanks for making me cry asshole" (I'm known for my profound commentary).

💜 @netherfeildren

Fear of God - particularly the epilogue

Fear of God is my all-time fav Joel series, the best Joel characterization I've come across and it generally set the tone for my taste in fic. It was the second series I started reading on here when I came back to Tumblr, and it's the first piece of writing that has ever truly moved me. His character arc is absolutely INSANE !! I made the mistake of reading the epilogue while listening to Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish, and for months I couldn't listen to it without crying. The day before my graduation, I kept listening to it on repeat in some strange form of self-torture and I had to explain to my bf why I was sobbing. Try to explain all of FoG in a coherent way through tears, I dare u ! I can't say much without spoiling but basically when I think back on getting into fanfic, FoG is what marks the beginning for me and I will never ever forget this piece of writing ever in my life. (Shoutout to when I got caught getting a nut off to one of the FoG extras - I can't really talk about the series without mentioning that)

The Cassandra Complex - particularly ch I, ch IV, and ch VIII

I didn't give much of a fuck about Din before TCC cause i saw him as like a taller hotter R2D2 and now here I am... Eating my words like a ration pack. I have to do a big girthy throbbing TCC reblog cause I have a lot to say about my fav series in the world but basically I can't read ch 4 without crying and even though this is a Star Wars fic and it makes no sense for me to relate to it the most out of anything on Vic's ML, sith girly is the most relatable MC thanks to her constantly feeling haunted by her past, feeling like she's hiding, feeling unworthy, torpedoing herself, and seeing so much beauty in others but struggling to see it in herself. I'll save the rest of my thoughts for the big RB but basically I've even cried at the fucking SMUT in this series like I'm on another planet when I read it (haha get it?? cause Star Wars??)

🧡 @5oh5

From Eden

Staring At The Wall Saturdays again - I hate how much I see my younger self in little sunflower girlie, I hate that I recognize how trapped she feels in her marriage. It's such an accurate portrayal of feeling chained to a man who doesn't deserve you, and of how guilty you feel for not even acting on feelings for someone else yet but just recognizing within yourself that you deserve better, like that pain of accepting that you're not treated right and that visceral feeling of unfairness that comes with being in the wrong relationship. The guilt you feel for even just thinking it, you know? And having to recognize how you've been treated. Ugh. Also this Joel is... His mannerisms are... I.... I'll be right back-

And now, for the most important award ever. The winner of

🏆Biggest Chloe Tear Jerker 2023🏆 is...

🎉 @netherfeildren 🎉 and this is her 24/7

[fallenclan]

Sorry I'm normal and perk up like a cat hearing a bird at any mention of Sunwish. (NOTE - need to think about 🧶 anon's ask some more rotate it in my head but i do concur largely and also am a little insane about it. Holding hands and skipping and singing tralala together as Sun & Scorch apologists respectively & wielder of them all)

IN FOCUS THOUGH. Ohh... I have to wonder about Sun and Morning's relationship. Sun wasn't amongst those openly mourning Morning, to my memory, but I have to think. I have to wonder. Morningbloom was strict and a good kitsitter; Sunwish was righteous and a good listener. Morningbloom was 19 moons when Sunwish was 12 moons - feasibly someone Sun would've looked up to, as an older warrior apprentice then warrior. Morningbloom was the first cat - the only cat, according to my notes - to die directly under Sunwish's paws as the clan's sole medic. (Nettlestem was found dead, I believe? Mauled on a walk.) (Though you COULD speculate she might've been found alive for drama, if you want - probably a case of Sun being in the wrong place, not having the right herbs, or just not being able to repair that kind of damage. Either way, she mourns her.) I have to wonder.

Did Sunwish aspire to be like Morningbloom, of who we saw little, but seemed a respectable warrior? Did Morningbloom appreciate Sunwish's company while she was in the medicine den with a broken spine; did she think her hard-headed righteousness was cute? Did Sunwish appreciate Morningbloom's, prickly* though she could be? For some reason Morning gives me the vibe of someone who's just nice company in general, good to sit with. Heart-rendingly, I can't help but wonder - if Morningbloom was a good kitsitter, Sunwish a good listener, did she tell her about the little cats she'd looked out for before** in those nights she was stuck on bedrest? Reminiscing, maybe laughing off some of Sunwish's dread at the prospect of having to see to some arrive safely someday as the clan's medic, smiling around some casual reassurance. Did Sunwish believe it? Did Morningbloom?

Did she still, as she laid dying under her paws?

[1/2] (- 🐈‍⬛)

THIS IS MAKING ME SO UNWELL WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WTFFFFFFFFF

just. first of all. the final painful edition fucking FLOORED me. i literally stopped and put my head in my hands physically what the FUUUUCK thats so fucked up wtf. holy shit and that just makes me wonder if Oaktuft ever knew that Scorchstar was the one that killed Sunwish. and if they would have felt guilty about it. AUGH???

Morningbloom and Sunwish. oh fuuuck they are making me feel ILL. because i can look back at my drawings fairly easily i can tell you that Sunwish was NOT one of the cats to mourn Morningbloom but i am completely disregarding this bc like. could you fucking imagine. Morningbloom spent all those moons in the medicine den healing her broken spine. they HAD to have talked a bit, maybe even been friends? a little? and yeah Morningbloom grew a little crush on her but WHAT IF. Sunwish finally let slip how much she hated being a medicine cat. and Morningbloom promised once she got better she would teach Sunwish some battle moves or hunting moves. and maybe she DID. maybe the two of them in their spare time went out on faux patrols like Sunwish was a real warrior. maybe Morningbloom was the one to cheer when Sunwish caught her first prey. do you think that Sunwish would have finally grown some hope about her situation, and dreamed that one day she might be a warrior? do you think that when Morningbloom died, her hopes did too?

another thing you're right about is Morningbloom fr has haunted the narrative SO much. arguably more than any other clan founder??? i mean. Scorchstar, Nettlestem, Oaktuft, they were all old and relatively fulfilled when they died. Wildfang didn't really have time to leave an impact on the clan. Sunwish is obviously another story but MORNINGBLOOM. even though she died on only like moon 25 you can FEEL her impact through the story. she's haunting it. imagine how Sunwish felt. even if there WAS nothing she could do, i bet thats not what she told herself. hell, I bet that's not even what Scorchstar told her. even if Morningbloom's ghost didn't really haunt her. maybe all the sleepless nights... idk. i have thoughts.

but FUCK when Sunwish died????? and Morningbloom is like. There. yknow. the physical manifestation of your failure at the one duty you were permitted to do. the only path you were allowed to follow. the death on your paws. standing right in front of you and smiling???? unreal. i bet the first words out of Morning's mouth were assurances that it wasn't Sunwish's fault, it was never Sunwish's fault.

do you think they spend their free time in Starclan practicing hunting moves?

[theomnicode]

The self-delusions of Saitama

Saitama: "There's no point trying to provoke me. My emotions have already started to become numb."

Also Saitama when actually provoked:

Saitama, honey, we need to talk about this. This self-delusion and pitying attitude.

As much as your powers seemingly sap away at your emotions, you also can't keep bottling them up and living in this self-deluded state where you think you can't express emotions anymore, because you clearly do and the more you feel this apathetic, the more your emotional control lapses and you become impulsive. This lack of self-perspection and introspection will be your undoing.

This close-mindedness and self-pity too, that King rightfully calls out to be immature and something of his own doing bullshittery, that he supposedly cannot learn anything anymore, cannot learn new moves or cannot get stronger, got directly proven wrong in 168.

He literally got stronger, so strong that he could have destroyed the solar system if he so wanted and learned to time travel.

Fucking time traveling.

Saitama: There's nothing left for me to learn from anyone Also Saitama: *learns how to time travel from Garou*

It's not just a shallow look of himself because he's not wise enough yet, it's also dangerous.

If Genos role in Saitama's life is to provide growth in terms of emotional stability, King's role in Saitama's life is to provide wisdom because in this, he is more mature than Saitama is and has more experience in life, despite not being that much older than Saitama. Saitama's look about himself is coloured by his lack of self-esteem and the alienation his powers bring him, so he cannot perceive himself without those goggles. His situation is difficult in general, but it is not an excuse, not any longer.

He cannot allow it to be an excuse any longer.

The sweet irony of King, who is a fraud hero, lecturing Saitama about heroism and now in 168 Saitama reflected on those same sentiments and found them to be correct.

Real friends will tell you unpleasant truths, not just what you want to hear but what you need to hear.

"Life is a journey with no destination. If you wanna see new things, you have to make a path for it yourself."

Saitama may not consciously know it yet, but the clock is ticking.

Ticking down when it's too late to come to these realizations. How to grow as a person and how to become a true hero.

I am glad that Saitama has found some good friends. Cherish them and learn from them and this is how you can grow, Saitama.

(Inspired by reddit post)

[an-au-blog]

Noooo 😭😭😭 how could you break my heart with the last post of the shuggy band!au? Now I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel like this is it. Like this is the time both (but mostly Buggy) thinks their relationship is over for real. He can't bear the guilt of thinking Shanks tried to k*ll himself because of him (if their lyrics were metaphorical or he actually tried to off his life is something he doesn't know so he takes it literal) and, like the coward he is, instead of trying to find the redhead and fucking finally talk about what happened and the reasons he ended up his relationship he writes the most heartbreaking sobbing poems where he shows all his feelings before, during and after all his relationship with Shanks, like a huge goodbye letter where he finally apologizes to the wrongs he did and forgiving the wrongs Shanks did during the whole ordeal. But, as to give a sign this time isn't their usual routine, he publishes by his real name, and in his dedication (and during the whole book) he mentions explicitly Shanks name instead of his usual codename (I love the idea of Buggy calling Shanks "Red" as referring to him in his previous books, maybe that's why no one made the connection before they stared their on and off relationship). The editorial publish the book and is a fucking best-seller, not because those two are famous people but the book was so emotionally filled it made cry even the toughest heart.

Meanwhile, Shanks is still heartbroken yet feeling better after their time apart. He had to endure his own grief, and with the band as his support, he thinks that maybe, maybe, is time to finally move on. He knows by heart there's really no one else but Buggy, nevertheless that toxic on and off relationship is killing both and is time to finally change for good or end for good.

Then, his manager gives his that book.

(I don't really know how to continue then! I feel like or they finally FINALLY talk to each other, or they end for good, which is the healthiest, but come on, we're talking about Shuggy. How could they end?!)

ahahahah yessss >:]]

(I was going to make a follow-up post but from more of a different povs, so you sending this is actually so on time!)

Buggy definitely would think it was for real. It was even more like a slap in the face when It turned out that single started trending right after the performance.

Shanks was sure that Buggy would be at the show. He knew Buggy always did. Well... not always, he had no way of knowing if it was always, but it was more often than not. Shanks, for once wanted to see if Buggy cared enough to contact him first. He wanted to make sure Buggy was still capable of being worried about him. But all he got was radio silence.

The truth was that Shanks - like after every break-up, started drinking himself blind. It was either that or getting his thought plagued by everything Buggy, and that was just too painful. His head hurt so bad. While drunk, he decided that taking a few pills to ease the pain would make things better. Shanks had never been any good at math, when his palm filled with pills he realized that he never cared for numbers anyway. He gulped a bunch of them and took a nap. He woke up wet and covered in his own vomit. His band mates were around him talking to him but it felt fuzzy and muffled.

His stomach hurt.

After he made sense of the situation and how stupid he was, he started writing.

After the show, he waited to see a notification from Buggy. He would frantically check every notification just to be let down every time. He was seriously considering giving in and texting first like he usually did, but his friends convinced him to air out his head first. They took him out for a "boy's night" that turned into an improv road trip.

Shanks had left his phone to charge, thinking it was just a short ride for ice cream. He had a feeling that his friends were hoping for that. To be fair though, it worked. At least for a week or so... When they got back he was handed a book - Buggy's book. He locked himself in his room in a whirlwind of emotions. He never knew Buggy felt so deeply about him. He was so conflicted about what to feel. But the feeling that was most overwhelming was need. He needed to get back to Buggy more than he needed air. But not like he usually did. He needed to make it special. Just like Buggy made it special.

In my mind, this is when this post happens.

They get back together but they don't talk it through though. Communication isn't their thing, they just stay toxic and keep nitpicking the skin off each other. Two good things came out of the whole ordeal though. (Other than the big success for both of them,) Buggy had a stronger trust that Shanks would always come back, no matter what, and in return - Shanks became more secure about Buggy's feelings and through his art could kind of decipher what he really felt. Don't get me wrong, it's still a jigsaw puzzle. But now he had a few hints from time to time.

[golbrocklovely]

This may be an odd question,but is the Sam Pepper prank fake? I ask mostly cos it's being brought up a lot by the sceptics to prove Sam is acting in the Conjuring videos and I was of the opinion that it was not completely fake and some parts of it were real (namely the rooftop stuff) cos I never believed Sam to be that good of an actor. I was of the thinking that they said that it was fake to get the heat off Colby, but am I mistaken with this thinking since everyone keeps saying I'm wrong and that it is evidence that Sam was acting at the Conjuring House?

according to snc, the prank was fake and both of them were in on it. i forget what video i saw of sam talking about it, but he explained it like "if i wasn't in on it, how would they have gotten me to the roof of that apartment building without anyone seeing me? you don't think i would have been screaming and kicking the entire time getting up there?" which honestly…. valid lol

but i'll be so totally honest with you, anyone trying to use that as proof of snc lying now is really dumb in my eyes. that's like saying bc i lied when i was kid that now i'm also still lying. like… that's not how any of this works.

it would also be like using their vines of following fat ppl to prove that they're assholes. even tho in that instance, the ppl they followed were also in on the prank bc they asked them a head of time if they could follow them and then make a big stink about it.

if ppl want to argue that sam was lying and that was his real genuine reaction just to get the heat off of colby, it's possible. but i think ppl have to remember the main reason they did that prank in the first place was bc they were desperate and hungry and wanted attention. the very early years of snc were spent like that bc they WANTED to gain an audience. and they did gain one, and they hoped that those that stuck around got to actually know them for who they were and not just their attempts at fame or attention.

snc have no reason to lie at this point in their careers. there is no reason for them to go above and beyond for this past series when it was gonna be major regardless of cody and satori. and look, i don't believe cody and satori fully, but i also don't think they are fully lying either. i just can't explain how they do it. and tbh idc to either. and any "proof" that has been given as proof of them lying isn't proof. unless you catch them physically lying, like popping their joints and shit, then everything is hearsay and assumptions. and ppl just need to give it a rest at this point.

if you don't believe, then don't. this isn't a life or death situation. snc didn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to believe. they just showed their experience and said "if you can debunk it, please do" and everyone's attempts have just been too fucking much and extremely hateful. believe what you want, and let others do the same.

and side note, i fucking HATE the ppl that are trying to use "snc's fandom is too young to understand" or whatever as an argument. first off, that's very dismissive and also not completely true. of course there are young ppl in this fandom, i know that. but there are plenty that are older too, most of which i interact with all the time. and the only reason anyone is saying this fandom is young is bc it's easier to toss aside the general opinion of "i believe snc" or "i believe cody and satori". just bc someone is young doesn't mean their opinion is invalid, especially when it goes against your own. and let's be fucking honest here, the older ppl that are literally berating the young fans on reddit (and not on twitter where they are pulling these opinions)…. yall don't care about the kids. you just want to feel validated and cool so it's easier to argue with teens than it is to debate ppl your actual geriatric age.

grow up, and move on.

(this is not directed at you anon, jsyk)

[invisiblegarters]

Only Friends Ranking - Ep 4

Genuinely had to sit and think on this for a bit and watch certain parts of the ep again (oh what a burden) and ponder my own reactions a little. I fucking love this show.

But I want to add a little disclaimer, since I guess it's needed: these opinions are subjective. I'm not objectively sitting here ranking the messiness I'm subjectively ranking how much the messiness (or lack thereof, for now) entertains me personally. It's not a statement of fact over which character is the "villain" or the "good guy" because frankly, I don't think we have any of either (maybe in their own heads, but not in the show itself).

Okay. That out of the way let's do this.

Character Rankings (Fave to Least Fave atm)

Sand. Yep he's back on top, it felt weird to demote him last week but he was much less boring this ep. I think I'm starting to get a better read on him, which I didn't have before, and I'm enjoying what I see. While I would like him to be much more guarded against Ray in particular, I think he's just too forthright. Not just with other people but also with himself. And I wonder how much of that stems from his situation. Back before ep 1 First said that Sand doesn't have time, he is patient, he has to do a lot of things just to make ends meet, and I think that extends to his personal life as well. He knows Ray's a bad idea and he also knows he's gonna walk right into it, and I am tentatively hopeful that this is what will make him come out okayish in the end. Because at the end of the day he still isn't gonna have time for bullshit, either other people's or his own. I feel like Ray's gonna fuck that up a bit (or a lot) for a while, but in the end he'll reset to form, probably a little more jaded but altogether still fairly whole. I think that's about all we can ask for him.

I hope that the ex shows up for real. Flashbacks are fun but I want a little bit of mess and it seems clear to me that Sand still has unresolved feelings there, maybe Top too. I am also more sure than ever that he has some serious anger issues and I think we might get to see the Return of the Bat, and I for one am so very here for it. He still seems the most put together out of all of them which is a little disappointing, but again, I do wonder how much of that is because he doesn't have the time to give into the hot mess he really is. I'm very very curious to see how his relationships with both Nick and Ray affect that moving forward, because it seems like regardless of what went down with Top and the ex that better be Mix or I will revolt, he tends to keep himself fairly restrained, and those two are so openly messy and so very unrestrained that you can practically feel the car crash coming (hopefully not in the literal sense).

Also people need to stop calling him a green flag like yesterday. He is not. He's just better at compartmentalizing, give him two episodes I feel it in my bones he's gonna turn out to be a messy messy bitch.

Mew. Never let it be said that I can't admit that I was wrong. I still think that Mew is manipulative but I no longer believe that he is specifically keeping Ray on the line. Ray is keeping himself on the line, every time Mew tries to yank him off he just bites in harder. Which means it's really gonna sting in so many different ways when Mew eventually decides fuck it and does what Ray's been begging him for for two years, because I'm not sure the feeling will be there then either. But I still expect it - frankly the real surprise for me would be if Mew and Ray end the show without fucking. And while I guess it's still possible that they did sleep together two years ago in the current timeline Mew has put a firm "no" down - at least for now. And I have to respect him for it.

Kinda wish he'd stop talking Sand up to Ray though. For one, the more he pushes Sand at him the less likely Ray will actually develop organic feelings for him. For two, he needs to back away from Ray's love life wholesale until Ray no longer wants him to be intimately involved in it. It's just smarter, although I can understand why Mew might think differently.

Then again if he wants to keep noticing how lovely Sand is (he is Mew, good taste no notes) he can go right on, because I wasn't kidding when I said I was shipping this. Maybe instead of Ray Mew should have Sand be his ill-advised hookup after things with Top blow up. I for one would not say nay.

I genuinely thought I'd be annoyed if Mew were not some sort of mastermind, but I'm not. At all. That said, I still don't think he's half as innocent as the show wants us to believe. And I still feel like he's playing with Top. Oh, Top is playing back, a little, but there's something about the way he looks sometimes and the things he says ("I don't want to hide anything from you / I need you to be honest with me") that makes me feel like he's still got more going on than we're seeing. Also he has to know that Top's not gonna stop doing drugs if he sexes him up. There was something about that whole interaction that struck me as weird. I can't put my finger on it right now but it's one of the things that I am going to be chewing on in the days to come, I can already tell.

Ray. This one was a surprise, and I want to be clear. I do not like this guy, and yes, a lot of that stems from the fact that he's set up to hurt my fave, but also he's a wrecking ball in human form and the worst thing about him is that he is an aimless one. Boston is a wrecking ball too but he's pointing himself in one direction; Ray just swings wildly in every direction because he himself is aimless, he doesn't know who he is or what he wants and that is dangerous, especially when you add in his substance abuse and his struggles with depression (look I don't like armchair psychoanalyzing but yeah, depression is what I am going to call it). He feels worthless and hopeless, he hates himself, and the problem with that is that no one else will ever be enough. He will turn his hatred against anyone who cares for him because he hates himself so much that he truly does not understand how anyone else could like him, and the self-hate turns into a weird derision for anyone who tries to see past the shell.

Mew is only exempt from this, I think, because he doesn't want Ray in the way Ray so desperately wants to be wanted. He loves him, he cares for him and tries to build him up, but he is not in love, he can and will step away if Ray is becoming too much, he will set boundaries and stick to them. So Ray's ire can't fall on him because he's reinforcing all the things Ray thinks about himself: that he's a burden, that he's too much, that he drives people away, that he's so unlovable even his own mother couldn't love him.

Sand, however. Sand is gonna fall right into the trap that Ray is laying for him, and oh boy is Ray gonna make him pay for it.

I was surprised by how much he seems to have held on to all the mean things Sand's called him, though. Not that he held on to them as further proof of who he is but that it was Sand specifically that was calling him those things. That was interesting and unexpected.

I do not think that Ray genuinely cares about either Mew or Sand as people at this juncture, but I also don't think that it's on purpose. He's a drowning man grasping at any and everyone within reach who is treading water, and he can't look past his own panic at not being able to get enough air to understand or care if he's dragging others down with him.

So yes. I do not like him but I find him utterly fascinating and Khaotung is killing it. That bathtub scene was amazing and painful (and yes I'm still feeling smug for calling it, mostly because I made a bet with my friend and now they owe me fic. Man do I love profiting off of being right. It's like Christmas AND my birthday) and finally made me understand why he clings to Mew so hard, and why he will keep clinging in spite of everything that happened this ep, in spite of having someone else who wants to care for him the way Mew won't, in spite of probably trying to think of something (or someone) else.

But the sad, sad truth that Ray will have to face (maybe not in this show but eventually, as a character) is that it's no one else's job to fulfill him, and they can't anyway. He's gotta learn to love himself before he can really love anyone else, or let them love him. I can't get over the idea that at some point he's gonna have to break his own heart to figure that out.

Nick. He gets this spot just for the way he smiled at Top like "bitch I know Boston's the worst, do you really think I'm not?" I knew he wasn't gonna go to Mew with the sex recording though because he wants Boston and breaking Top and Mew up at this point is counterproductive to his goals. Still think that he should blackmail Boston into a real relationship though. Opportunity wasted. Also he's making me very wary of wanting to take my phone into IT if I ever break it, lol. Because you know Boston didn't give him his passcode.

I'm also curious why he went for Top because he has to know it was Boston pushing things this whole time.

Boston. He went from winning last ep to being kind of pathetic this ep. The elevator scene in particular. I was embarrassed for him. Don't tell me that he really thought that Top would just give up and start fucking him on the regular after one night? Come on. Top's pettier than that, my dude. He's gonna make you feel like a pathetic loser for it as well as renew his efforts with Mew just to prove that he can do everyone one better.

I have to admit I am curious what makes him pull the "I want to try settling into something" thing with Nick next ep. Does he suspect that Nick knows more than he's saying? Does Top outright tell him he does?

I am also looking forward to him or NIck causing some havoc with Ray and Sand. One of them is gonna spill the RayMew beans, right? Boston would do it out of pure nastiness, but Nick I think values Sand as a friend and would do it as a warning. Or maybe he's like Boston and will hold onto it for when Sand pisses him off...

Top. Frankly unless we find out that Boston has further evidence of Ray and Mew actually fucking or at least showed him some sort of manipulated vid, I think he's a complete dumbass. You don't get to police who the guy you're with now kissed before he even knew you existed (or did he? 👀👀👀). Literally the only reason I was on his side was that if they fucked it was less about the fucking and more about the deliberate dishonesty, but let's be real, even that is a little sketch. Especially when you yourself don't know how many people you've slept with.

However I also kind of want to be weirdly charitable and say that maybe it has less to do with being pettily annoyed that Mew *dared* to have some sort of non-platonic contact with someone else before him and more being blindsided by how much the idea of Mew playing with him hurt. Whether that's because players hate being played or because he has genuine feeling for Mew I'm on the fence about.

But I still think Boston showed him sex. Because he was very insistent about that point. Whether it was RayMew sex or something else I do believe there was something. And I wanted to look at that scene again to see what Mew's face does when he replies but youtube at this point youtube told me to go f myself so no dice.

Also I think we all called the addiction problems. Dude's a mess. And he's not going to stop being a mess for sex.

Relationships (most to least fave atm)

This time I'm not just going to include romantic relationships because finally we're seeing some real meat out of the other interactions.

BostonNIck. Genuinely I think these two of the best chance of actually working out right now, very much in a "they deserve each other" way. Neither one of them knows what boundaries are and they're both obsessive af. If they turn that on each other they're doing society a favor, lol.

SandTop. You know what I would love? If Top was actually into Sand and deliberately lured his ex away to make him available. Of course that's not where we're going but that's why fanfiction exists. But weirdly I do think that Sand hates Top more than Top hates him - maybe he feels remorse for stealing his ex. Maybe they were friendly before he did that. I don't know. I do know that I want them to make out about it and I will never stop. You hear me? I will. Never. Stop.

SandNick. These two are gonna be fun. You can just tell by the way that Sand didn't even bat an eye when Nick was like hey listen to this audio recording I got when I bugged my FWB's car.

TopMew. Both still playing games. The balance of power between these two fascinates me because it seems to switch back and forth at will. I still feel like neither of them is *really* feeling much but I wonder if and when that will change.

MewRay. It's the only thing I can't make myself ship, but I thought that their whole dynamic was super interesting this ep. I can understand Mew trying to build Ray up, especially as he seems to be the only one who is privy to how deep Ray's issues go, and I can also understand Ray latching on to him hard because of that. When he kissed Mew while Mew was trying to sleep I recoiled from my screen so hard it physically hurt, lol. I do not know if that was the intention but it's what happened. Ideally I'd love it if they came out of this mess stronger friends but not sleeping together or paired romantically, but I don't have the highest hopes for it.

SandRay. I'm gonna be frank. Ray doesn't need a boyfriend. He needs a therapist and possibly a stint in rehab. Sand's gonna bash himself on this one like a bird against glass and it's gonna hurt him a lot. They're gonna flare hot and bright and burn to ash, but maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to emerge from the ashes as friends. It isn't lost on me that they do genuinely seem to get on even when they're not preluding to sex. For me this really depends on how fast it falls apart. If they've split by ep 9 I can really see a friendship emerging from this, but if not...nope.

Franky this one worries me. Because Ray latches on and it would be very easy for him to become far too dependent on Sand far too fast, and that's the last thing that either of them needs. Whether they fall in love or not (and I still think Sand will and Ray probably will not) is immaterial. If Sand (because for better or worse it's gonna have to be Sand) doesn't catch on fast enough to what Ray's doing with him it's gonna spell trouble, even without any interference from an outside party or even counting in Ray's continued feelings for Mew.

Sand clearly wants to be with Ray as equals, whether their relationship remains just friends or something else. And Ray is incapable of fulfilling that wish as he is.

SandMew. New ship alert! They should make out. The only reason it gets lowest billing is that it's a pipe dream comprised of one line from Mew and the fact that they both would be very good at communicating their needs with each other, at least from what we've seen thus far.

[slut4matty]

Old habits die screaming

Matty Healy and Taylor Swift have been rumored to have something going on for over a decade, when they finally both publicly announce their relationship, the shitstorm is huge. They break it off again shortly after. The only problem is: Taylor is still very much in love with Matty. What she doesn't know is that he feels the same.

"Sorry, I can't sleep", I texted my best friend Abigail. I had to let him go, for fuck's sake. I just can't stop thinking about him.

"Taylor, babe, it's 2 am and I have to be up early tomorrow. I can call you for 10 minutes, but I'm begging you, please let me sleep right after." Of course, she answered, she always does.

"No, it's alright, go back to sleep." I'm a grown woman, I can handle this.

"Abigail, I said, go back to sleep." "Taylor we've been best friend since forever, I'm always here for you, even at 2 am on a random Tuesday. Now tell me, what's going on? You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" Yes, of course I am, I just can't stop thinking about him. "Yeah. I just feel like I'm going crazy right now. We've been on and off for ages, but this time it feels different. I don't think he's coming back, Abigail." I can't imagine a life without him anymore. I've loved him for 10 fucking years, and I'm ready to love him for at least 10 more years. "Babe, don't you think it's time to move on? He has hurt you and your reputation a million times already, and it fucking hurts seeing you this miserable." My reputation. Why is everyone, including myself, so obsessed with this? "I know okay? I know. It's not that easy, though. I feel like, it's my fault he ghosted me. Don't try to blame him now, please, I would've done the same in his situation. Did you read the horrible things they said about him online? I can't imagine how this must feel like." It really is my fault, though, isn't it? But what could I have done differently? Should I have called them out on their behavior? I probably should have. "I understand that this is as hard for you as it must be for him right now, but what can you do? Please don't text him, Taylor! You're only hurting yourself if you do.", Abigail's voice sounds desperate. She knows how hard it is to convince me of something. "I won't. Please go back to sleep now. I'm sorry I woke you up in the first place.," I said in a defeated voice. "No worries, I couldn't sleep anyway", I know she's lying, "I hope I was able to help you a little. Good night, Tay, I love you so much." "I love you more, good night.," I said and hung up.

What now? As much as I love Abigail, this conversation didn't help much.

Writing. I should start writing again. It's my job, of course, but it's also the only healthy coping mechanism I could think of right now. I'm wide wake anyway, so what else could I do right now. I have started writing a song called "I can fix him (No really I can)" I want to do something the 1975 inspired because that's what this is all about of course. Matty Healy. Lead singer of the famous British band "the 1975" but also my decade long situationship. We met years ago, and I was obsessed with their music. He dedicated their song "Fallingforyou" to me once, so I'll dedicate a song to him now. No, fuck this, I'll write a whole album.

"They shake their heads saying, "God help her", when I tell them he's my man."

I hate all of this. Him leaving me because some assholes couldn't keep their mouths shut about my love life. He didn't do anything! At least he actually cared about me and wanted to fight for us, unlike some other ex-boyfriends of mine... Yes, he has made mistakes, but so have I. Nobody is perfect. I don't understand why everyone thinks I am? Matty left because he thought it would be the best for me. He couldn't have been more wrong. I hadn't had a good sleep in weeks and when I finally drift off into sleep he's all I dream about. He's quite literally haunting me right now. I wonder if he feels the same about me. Was any of this real to him, or was he disappointed when he finally had me after all these years of yearning? I know I promised Abigail I wouldn't text him again, but he deserves to know the truth.

"Hey Matty, are you up?", I sighed as I hit send. He's probably asleep anyway.

"Who's this? And how did you get my number?" Shit, I forgot that I got a new number, since the other one was leaked last week.

"Sorry, it's Taylor. I've got a new number. I didn't want to disturb you." I already know this was a bad idea, but it's too late now anyway.

"Hey, you didn't. I was still up. Has anything happened? I'll call my management."

"No, don't worry I just wanted to tell you, that I'm sorry for everything that's happened lately. I should've stood up for you, when my "fans" started attacking you like this."

"Don't worry, Taylor, it's fine." God, he sounds so distant. I don't even recognize him like this.

"No, Matty it's not, and you don't deserve any of this. I don't know why I texted you in the first place, but I just wanted to let you know, that it was real to me." I'm so stupid oh my god. He probably doesn't even care about me anymore. Otherwise, he couldn't have just ghosted me out of the blue, could he?

"Of course it was real to me too! I loved you, I loved you so very much, but this is all too much right now. I'm not good for you or your reputation. You're an amazing woman, and I'm not going to stand between you or your success." I can't do this anymore. He loved me. Past tense. It's really over. He's not coming back. Never. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. What was I even thinking? Of course, it's over, the whole world knows. Why did I think, this was a good idea?

"Thank you, Matty. I love you very much as well. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way we both wished they would. Sleep well and have a good night.", I sent with tears forming in my eyes, and shut my phone off for good. I drifted off into a deep, uncomfortable sleep, filled with nightmares.

[morganaspendragonss]

alright, i have slept, i have thought, i have done my normal wednesday stuff. so here it is.

firstly, thank you all the anons who sent me messages. i'm really sorry but i can't reply to them all individually, and many of them are along the same themes anyway, so consider this my reply to all of you. there may be some asks i do reply to separately because they're about a slightly different topic, but on the whole i can't.

i'm not mad anymore. i don't have the mental space, time, or energy to be mad about fiction right now. that being sad, i can't pretend to like this plotline and i am extremely uncomfortable with it. tarlos has always been presented as a strong couple who do have their flaws, yes, and they fight and they fuck up - but overall they have a good, healthy relationship

this has blown that to pieces.

tim says this has been in the work since season 1? well, maybe so. but they didn't lay any groundwork - they even cut that scene with carlos talking about iris in 1.05 - and the way they have developed these characters over the past three years does not match up with carlos being secretly married. i mean, we've also been told that carlos knew as soon as he saw tk in the pilot that he was going to marry him. sure, he thought iris was dead at the time, but that was revealed as wrong before tk and carlos properly began their relationship.

i'm actually fine with the marriage. i can even get past carlos staying married. usamerican healthcare sucks, it was the only way he could help her, fine.

what is upsetting me is that tk didn't know.

and you know what? maybe i do see the point about characterisation, because carlos has been proven to be somebody who doesn't fully think his actions through when it comes to helping the people he loves and he will do things that aren't particularly morally correct. but there is a huge difference between buying the loft and hiding a whole marriage from his literal fiancé.

by the start of s4, tk and carlos have presumably been engaged for several weeks, if not several months (and tim tends to work on a real life timeline so it's probably a safe enough bet that it's been seven months). even if you thought you had over a year to sort the issue out, that is a disgusting amount of time to hide an existing marriage from YOUR FIANCÉ and it's deeply unfair, not only to tk but also to iris.

(mostly to tk though)

there's literally no getting around that he deserved to know from the very beginning of their relationship. or at least from when it started to get properly serious. definitely from when they moved in together and by the time they were engaged......far, far overdue.

so, i guess i lied. i am mad. and i'm mad that tk didn't get to be mad, but after everything.... look, it's hard to parallel between this and the breakup or between this and 3.13 because they're all very different situations. so all i'm going to say is that tk has shouldered the blame (from both fandom and show) for basically everything, and carlos has been allowed to be angry and passive aggressive - in 3.13 it was even played off as comedic which honestly boils my blood because i've been in that situation on tk's side and, believe me, it's not fun.

i don't want tk to yell at carlos. i don't want another blow up. all i want is for tk to get to say - what you've done has hurt me deeply and i need some time to think. we will get through this and i know your heart was in (more or less) the right place, but you have fucked up and this does change things between us.

i will keep watching the show; i know i said i might quit should this happen but that was when i was sure it wouldn't. i'm in too deep to quit, we all know that. we'll see how they handle this. but it has certainly changed how i view carlos and the tarlos relationship, because now we have to look back over three full seasons, knowing carlos was lying to tk the entire time

[mysteriousfandom--trash]

To be honest, I don't care if said person blocks/harasses me after this post because I'm not super active but I just want to make light of the situation. And if she sees this, then hi. Go ahead. Take a screenshot and post it to your Twitter and get your "friends" to harass me. Anything you try to say will be wrong because the evidence doesn't match up to your claims. I don't care anymore. This blog is dead as hell because I rarely use it. I don't have any other social media.

I'm only making this post for a heads-up warning because I hate it when people can't let things go. This literally has been going on since October of 2022 and it needs to stop already. This all is unnecessary and stupid. I want my friend to feel safe online, not to be harassed by some adult who can't let some small issue go. It's just super ridiculous to be completely honest.

--------------------------------------------------

[EVIDENCE WILL BE INCLUDED BY MY FRIEND. THE EVIDENCE IS REAL AND THE TRUE RECIPTS ARE HERE!! Some screenshots are from my friend, and most screenshots are from me]

!!THE PERSON I'M TALKING ABOUT GOES BY SALLYEXE AND USES SHE/HER PRONOUNS SO PLEASE RESPECT IT!!

**BLOCK AND REPORT, DO NOT HARASS

Her Twitter profile is changed up now, as these are old screenshots, but these are the same person/gen

sallyexe (she/her) - text referring to her

my friend (they/them) - text referring to them

--------------------------------------------------

So, lately I've been trying to help a friend [unnamed for their own privacy] and someone else, who goes by the @ of @/sallyexe097. They have been in unnecessary conflict for months now and it's got to end.

My unnamed friend is a minor, and the sallyexe person is an adult mind you. This is important. It may not seem like it, but it is. It's kind of a big deal when an adult harasses a minor on the internet. That can't slide easily.

Yes this is only my friend's side of the story, but they are telling the truth and the evidence will help with it. It started in early(? February when these two interacted. My friend wanted to clear up some drama between the two that was occurring. Seen below:

My friend was understanding and eager to pass over it, with obvious shown signs of no aggression. So..I don't know what you mean by "they were aggressive". :/ My friend and her continued the conversation, and it ultimately lead in sallyexe being aggressive and harassing them:

For context about this, they were arguing about a ship fight. She ships one thing and my friend ships something else. Sallyexe doesn't agree with it and constantly harasses my friend and calls them names.

They even blocked each other on Twitter after that exchange. I have proof that they did in fact block each other:

Though, there are instances where she replies to my friends' private anger posts about her???

The only conclusion would be that she is spying on my friend with another Twitter account, which is not known.

This is just very weird and unnecessary. Spying on my friend isn't going to make you seem cool or anything, it just makes you look weird. Not only that, but sallyexe has gone full lengths to guilttrip people to believe her, even threatening su!c!d3 at one point:

After all this happened, I personally talked to sallyexe myself on Tumblr to try and get the situation to be dealt with. And I did succeed because she did end up apologizing to my friend on Tumblr:

However, this wouldn't be the end of it because sallyexe began posting about my friend again just a week ago for no seemingly real reason. My friend has moved on so why can't she? It's fucking ridiculous and I'm tired of it.

I've included her Twitter and Tumblr (known) accounts and here are her tiktok accounts:

first one

second one

Anyway, if you see this post and read through the whole thing, please reblog and spread it to get awareness to it. I need my friend to feel safe and for this person to stop. Thank you.

[don't mind all the sonic tags, it's just the fandom where it happened, and i at least want to get people to see this post]

[nowcrashing]

One of my coping mechanisms recently has been telling myself that every message I send you is going to be the last one. It's helpful. It's not a magic bullet, but it helps calm my mind a bit. The thing is that I don't necessarily believe or even want it to be true usually - I'm just saying it to myself so it hurts less when it inevitably does come true.

This time is the first time I really mean it though. I have so many feelings about you and the way this has ended, mostly sad and angry feelings to be honest, but at this point I have no further expectations or hopes or desires other than to move on. I'm pretty sure you're only still talking to me out of politeness. This is your best chance to stop and just let me go. All I sent you was a heart - there's nothing to say about that. If you message me again, it would have to restart the convo because you can't really respond to just a heart.

Don't respond. Let me go. Please. I don't feel good and I know I'll feel better once this little wrinkle in time is behind me. I almost sent you a sweet message that would have closed the book a bit, but I knew you would have just said "aww me too" and I couldn't do it. I don't want to hear empty words from you anymore.

Just go.

Also I'm editing this to say that there are so many kinder ways you could have handled this. There are much worse ways too, but I need to say it again and again that I'm sad and I'm hurt and I didn't need to be this sad and hurt, but I am because you chose to be careless with me, and cowardly. That's why I need this to be the real last message I ever send you. I'm sad and I'm hurt and I need to be alone with those feelings now. Continuing to talk to you isn't helping. Continuing to pretend I'm okay and my feelings aren't hurt is making it worse. I'm going to keep saying it and I'm not going to dress it up in poetic language or metaphor. I'm fucking sad. My feelings are hurt. Please let me lick my wounds in peace.

One last edit. (I've said that before, but I think that it's for real the last edit this time). It pisses me off that you're going to go forward in life thinking that we "just fizzled" or something along those lines because I'm not raising my voice. I literally told you directly to let me know if you didn't think you could meet up with me again and you didn't. I couldn't have set the bar any lower, and you still limbo'd under it. I'm assuming the story you're telling yourself about the end of this relationship is that it was peaceful and fine, but there is always the possibility that you know you did me wrong and feel guilty about it. I hope you do. I know that a significant part of your self-image is that you're nice, you're sweet, you give good compliments, you cheer people up. I'm not saying that this one instance of bad behavior negates all of that, but I hope that you feel bad about it, and I hope that it complicates your understanding of yourself. This is your first situation adjacent to a relationship - your first time seeing yourself and how you behave in a "relationship" and how you treat a girl who is romantically interested in you - and you let her down by declining to do something that is extremely reasonable, extremely easy to do, and that she used her words to directly ask you to do. You can do better next time and I hope you will. But this does not reflect well on you, and I hope you understand that. I hope you feel guilty.

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

You’ve written it so well that you’re like no Ross isn’t a rebound or a plan B but when you do a reread (different anon btw just also did a recent reread) I truly think that Matty would still choose George if he was given the opportunity. It’s not like George is single and Matty has chosen Ross, Matty literally can’t have George in any real way right now and is choosing the safe and stable option, just like what George is doing. I truly believe that if George showed up in NY and was like I broke up with Charli, let’s do this then Matty would grab that Italian take out and follow him anywhere (just a quick pit stop for a tattoo cover up before they go anywhere). They just have a history and connection that sadly I don’t think can be matched by Ross no matter how sweet he is. The thing with Matty and George just seems like something you don’t move on from and there will always be a what if in the back of their minds. The NY chapter was so sweet but they’re also in a bubble and that isn’t realistic for life. In a few weeks they go back to living in tight quarters with George 24/7 and I don’t think Matty has moved on, more out of sight out of mind. Especially if George is going to be nice and understanding now which is harder to hate than when he was being an asshole.

I know we have the tattoo and the remix coming up which is cringe, but is it wrong? They said goodbye to each other and Matty is now with Ross. Just like George couldn’t be mad at Matty’s actions because he had a girlfriend, Matty has Ross now and George doesn’t belong to him in any capacity. He made his choices and I don’t think George owes Matty anything in this regard.

And come on, that goodbye scene in the last chapter. That was heartbreaking, clearly two people that truly want each other but the timing and situations aren’t aligning.

God DAMN this is long. This is like one of those emails I usually reply "please see my answers below in green" to, except I can't do it here on tumblr and also this is MUCH MORE FUN, obviously. 😂 Alright, here we fucking go. *cracks knuckles*

Matty would still choose George if he was given the opportunity: I feel like this is correct in some way, and I feel like Normal People has both made me and ruined me as an author, because I am now an absolute sucker for the will-they-won't-they star-crossed lovers dynamic, the couple that seems to be destined to be together but also who doesn't ever seem to align at any time. Or better, they do, but it never seems to last for whatever reason. (Mostly, because they don't talk to each other much.) And I know I shouldn't draw comparisons between me and actually celebrated published authors because now you'll all think my writing is shite, but please be aware that that's the kind of heartache I'm shooting for. So no, you're not wrong here at all.

If George showed up, Matty would immediately go with him: honestly, I don't think it's that simple. And I'm not saying this because I'm rooting for the healthy relationship here, even if in some capacity I am, but because it's just not that simple. But again, I see where you're coming from with this and it seems to be that eternal loop of going back to the One Person You Think Is Your Person even if the Person hurt you over and over again, or maybe more accurately you can't seem to stop hurting each other. I get it, and it's a valid point too.

The NY chapter was so sweet but they’re also in a bubble and that isn’t realistic for life: yeah, very true. More on this next week, you're definitely bang on on this. But also, let them be happy for a while you monster 😭

I don’t think Matty has moved on, more out of sight out of mind: I mean, it's hard to 'move on' from someone like that, especially in such a short period of time. Have you ever considered Christmas bringing about surprises, though? 👀

In conclusion, I'm not saying what's right or wrong because I don't want to ruin everything (and honestly because I'm still making key decisions but shhhh don't tell anyone okay?) but I love your analysis and how in depth you go, and all of the points you brought up are extremely good.

I am so blessed to have such engaged readers like you and I LOVE discussing these things, so please never stop sending these in. I adore you guys ❤️

[bonesandthebees]

Ah yes, let's stage a fight less than 24 hours after we made up when we still have a lot to talk about. What could go wrong? The fight might be fake, but the underlying anger is very real. Tommy has not gotten the Thesues calling out of his system and they haven’t really spoken about why Wilbur is in the personal wing so, of course, that’s what he goes for.

Meanwhile, Wilbur goes for the [”Why don’t you go run and tell Technoblade all about how cruel I’m being.”] which is a lot closer to their current situation and the things they don’t have an answer too. It’s also the thing Tommy feels guilty about. So while Wilbur never got angry at Tommy for it, because let’s be honest, the kid is already a mess, he does not need Wilbur’s anger, that does not mean that some part of Wilbur isn’t (subconsciously) angry at Tommy for not listening. And that’s how it comes across to Tommy which is why he flinches.

And it’s the genuine anger mixed with apologies every time a supposedly fake hit lands, because they both got frustrations and it’s easy fuel to the fire, that makes this fake fight so tragic to read. It hurts because they are hurting each other even if they don’t mean to and constantly trying to make up for it, but they have to do this.

[“You call it bitching, I call it learning how to act like a fucking adult!”] -Wilbur, see this one hurts Tommy too. Because Tommy is just as scared of making the wrong decisions as Wilbur is. It’s that hypothetical of “if Tommy was more mature, would they be here?” (though we could ask the same for Wilbur). Would Eret still have betrayed them? Would he have bitched to Ranboo? Would they have had this fight in the first place if both of them were more mature? Doesn’t really matter, we’re here now, but being called childish is definitely a sensitive topic for Tommy.

Also, it’s very funny to see Tommy acting. It’s a staged fight but the lines still hit and they keep breaking character because it’s hard and they don’t want to do any lasting damage. And every time Wilbur breaks Tommy will say that he’s fine and treasure him that he’s doing well. Combined with the fact that all of this is Tommy’s plan, the roles have switched.

-🎄

YUPPPP the fight make be fake but there's still a lot of unresolved issues between them that they don't wanna look directly in the eye. it's literally the morning after they 'reconciled' from the biggest fight they've ever had, and now they have to pretend to shout these same insults at each other and there is still so much raw hurt there that it's impossible for them to avoid landing a few real hits here and there

the fight is truly tragic like you said, because they keep hurting each other even though they don't want to. they want to say they've made up but they haven't resolved things as much as they should've, but they have to keep moving forward like things are okay because they have bigger things to deal with now.

the tommy maturity question... would eret still have betrayed them? we don't know. I mean, as the author I do have an answer, but I think it's a lot more interesting to just pose as a silent question for the characters to think about. there's no way to know if eret would've still betrayed them or not because that's just what happened. would everything else—the fight, ranboo, all of it—have happened with a bit more maturity? it doesn't matter because that's not what happened, but the question looms over tommy. he really doesn't like being called childish, because so much shit has happened because of his behavior. and the thing is, he should be allowed to be a child! he's 15! he's gonna act like a child and that's okay!

unfortunately though, heavy is the head that wears the crown. he's in the world of royalty politics, so natural childishness has unbearable consequences.

yes the roles have switched! tommy is the one taking control of the plan because wilbur just can't this time. he's been through too much. he's been broken down too many times. tommy has to step up, so he does.

[diabolicalacid]

I have to be the only one who generally doesn't think omi is a bad person. From what we heard about the situation it has always been y/ns side and from what we know of her personality she isn't shit, is very childish/immature and spoilt. We did get however that omi didn't really cheat as his relationship is on again off again. So that's one thing down from what we originally thought about him. I really need an omi side to fully judge him like I'm judging y/n. Because was it that they (omi/yn) weren't really In a relationship and were just fuck buddies because if so again he didn't really do anything wrong. Like what was the agreement or situation between the two. Did he sell y/n dreams and told her he loves her or was it just sex or a fling. We know that y/n gets attached easily it took literally nothing for her to get attached to atsumu so was it around the same situation where they were just a fling and she got attached and when he got back together with his gf she got hurt?? Also if that's the case yn really can't be bothered because she did the same thing he did to her with her work fwb so she isn't any better. Now I know people on tumblr so let me clear it up real quick I'm not being misogynistic I'm quite literally just going off of which character we know more of and at the moment I wouldn't put this whole situation past yn just being dramatic at this point. The only ass move I really saw omi pull like really ass move (he did some other things but personally it isn't so bad) was pretend he didn't know yn then again she did just start airing our dirty laundry in front of strangers truthfully I may have acted the same and be like "um I don't know this person" also out of pure embarrassment and adrenaline to avert the situation.

Apart from that I don't particularly care about the situation blowing up in yns face part, (genuinely just want to see her go to therapy and be at peace), more of the her actually freaking apologizing to the many many people she hurt and has been rude to. And I'll actually like to see omi apologize to her because I'm really interested in what her reaction would be.

oh my, you sure took your time writing this T T you’re correct though, we only know yn’s side of the “story”, which isn’t much at all because all she has really mentioned is how sakusa “dumped” her for reina. we don’t know what happened between the two of them or what their relationship was. i’m not trying to defend omi here, and as the author, i can tell you that he’s mistaken too, but yn isn’t innocent either. you’re right. she’s childish, immature, spoilt and most definitely gets attached very easily. she doesn’t listen to her friends and doesn’t know how to interpret or deal with the situations surrounding her.

i’m glad that you’ve decided not to blame omi just based off what yn has to say because she’s very unreliable. when omi and yn actually do end up having to work together, the truth is bound to come out. i can’t wait to hear your thoughts about sakusa and yn later on when we have clarity about the situation.

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #204

BBS IRL Names & Alias' Prompts: [ 6 ]

NOGLA

Evan, there was more traps, you didn't have to cheat!

It will cost ya, Evan, it will ya.

Brian's a confirmed liar.

Brian made it to the finish line first…I lost.

Aw, fucking SMii7y won.

He did say, 'excuse me', Moo.

I hate you, SMii7y.

This is the real Marksman right here.

Cody, you’ll put me in the description, won’t you?

I'm tired of Brian taking forever.

MOO

Now, you’re gonna have to TP Cody, cause he went looking for you guys.

Nogla died twice as death.

I hope you know that win was a fraud, SMii7y.

Nogla already died, never mind, I like our chances.

Get it, Marcel, did you get it?

Marcel, I told them not too!

Hey, do you guys want to know where Nogla is?

That's Nogla, I think.

No, that's cool, Evan…

Brian just tip-toes across.

BLARG

Nogla is very loud!

SMii7y, you got any RPG ammo?

SMii7y, what are you wearing?

Seeing Puffer panic in there, and driving in the wall over and over…

Apparently I can carry Puffer.

I want to shoot Puffer in the head so bad.

Why does SMii7y look like an NPC right here?

SMii7y, to your left, there’s a guy by that car.

I'm sorry, John.

SMii7y's still AFK, so we still got some time.

SMII7Y

That's what you are to me, Puffer.

Matt, come back.

Matty, look, I fixed his arm.

You ready, Puffer?

Good job, Grizzy.

Grizzy, what do you think about this whole situation?

It'll never end, Eli.

What are you doing, fl0m, honestly, what the fuck are you doing?

You didn't appreciate that one, Tucker?

It landed in the water, fl0m.

KRYOZ

No, not you, it's SMii7y, this whole time, we're waiting on SMii7y, the dumb fuck.

SMii7y, don't fuck this up for us.

It actually didn't help that you didn't move at all, SMii7y.

SMii7y, you have to get there!

SMii7y, we can get the next one.

At least Byze is wrong and she didn't go left, so actually, get fucked Byze, you stupid bitch.

Byze, you literally can't get it.

Oh shit, Byze coming in with a zero.

SMii7y, this is all you.

I hit Byze so many times and it never registered.

TERRORISER

I was gonna whisper to Cody, ‘wait for them all to leave and we’ll go fucking get our good shit and kill ‘em.’

Delirious is doing a load of shit there.

I killed Nogla, don't worry, I killed him.

Evan, bro, that's a dick move.

Lanai, I'm sorry.

Come on, Cody, if you go now, I'll let you live.

Hello, Brock~

You all have lives, except for Brock, since he unfortunately only has one life left.

Oh yeah, and Cody lost one.

Evan, do you want to pick this one, you pick this one.

[camaro-and-smokes]

Just humour me, ok? - Is She for Real? Part 5

Warnings: Heavy angst Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, OFC Tags: Angst, feels, OH THE FEELS, hurt

Links to all chapters on tumblr on Part 1 >>

Read on AO3 >>

::::::::::

"So, Allison, can I just run it by you once more so that I'm sure I got it right?” Billy snarled.

Allison took a deep breath.

"Just humour me, OK? So. If I as a man am with a woman and we're married, and we decide to make a baby, we get to be parents. Right? Even if I would do nothing but beat my wife and the kid? It's still my kid, right? Even if I'm put to jail, the kid is still mine."

"Billy..." Steve started.

Billy looked at Steve sharply, pointing a shaking finger at him. "Steve. Shut the fuck up."

He turned back to look at Allison. "OK. So the same goes if I'm married to a woman and we want to adopt. More or less the process goes so that there's a kid who needs a home, we sign the papers and go home happy with a child. Even if it turns out that for some fucking reason we end up divorcing, the mother gets the kid, she becomes a drunk, and the kid lives a miserable life since age seven up until eighteen when she or he can move away from home. It's still their adopted kid. Right?"

"Mister Hargrove..." Allison tried to start.

"No, no, no, I'm not done yet,” Billy hissed, the words flying out of his mouth with a vengeance. “Now, here we have a situation where two adults, who have lived together for nine years, who love each other and who have decided to live together for the rest of their lives, are looking for adopting a kid. They have steady jobs with relatively good pay, they own a house, and have healthy lifestyles, in average, and they both love kids. With them any kid would be loved and cherished from day one until the end of time. And they're literally willing to give a home to anyone who needs it. What they don't have, is a permission to marry each other, and that's because they both happen to like men. So, in this case, when I'm together with my partner here looking for a chance to give a loving home to any kid who needs one, I'm suddenly not suitable to be an adoptive parent to anyone. Can you see my problem?"

"Billy, this doesn't change any--" Steve tried to calm Billy down.

"Shut up, Steve!" Billy snapped. He kept his gaze locked at Allison. "Because I just can't wrap my head around the fact that in order me becoming a suitable parent it seems, that I would have to like to fuck women or marry one, even though neither of those things tell anything about how good of a father I would be." He shook in anger and clenched his fists. "And I know that I would be at least half decent, because I could never hit my child." The last words came out bitterly, accompanied by a big tear, that he swiftly wiped away. He took his jacket and stormed out of the office, slamming the door shut behind him, making both Allison and Steve flinch.

Steve shook his head. “I'm so sorry. He's--this has been very emotional ride for us both. And he wears his heart on his sleeve.”

“I understand,” Allison replied. “I'm sorry too.”

Steve took a deep breath. “Do you know if there's any other option for us to try?”

Allison sighed and interlaced her fingers, leaning her arms on the desk. "I know how important this is to you. I see a lot of applicants who have half the heart in the process than you two do. But our office can't help you with finding a child to be adopted by you. It's just not possible, not after an application is refused. I know it's wrong because, honestly, I think you two would make wonderful parents. I mean that.”

“Well, OK, uh, I thank you for everything you've done. You've been nothing but helpful. And I really am sorry about Billy's outburst.”

“It's alright. He's not the first person to do that. People tend to get very emotional here. Do you need me to call you a cab?”

“No, thanks,” Steve said as he got up and donned his jacket. “Billy will cool off and he'll come back to pick me up. I'll wait for him at the cafe next door.”

Billy came back an hour later and parked the Camaro in front of the office.

Steve walked to the car and sat on the passenger seat.

“Are you OK?” he asked as Billy took the car into the traffic.

“No, I'm not OK.”

“I mean, have you cooled off?”

“For now.”

“Babe, maybe there's still a chance--”

Billy shot a finger at Steve, keeping his eyes on the traffic. “Do not, I repeat, do not say it.”

Steve raised his hands in a placative gesture. “OK, babe. I won't.”

They remained silent all the way home, and the silence continued when they got there.

When they went in Billy walked straight upstairs. Steve remained downstairs and looked up the stairs after Billy. He heard Billy close the door of the room where he had all his stuff. Steve pondered if he would do more good or bad if he went upstairs. When he heard a scream and mirrors shattering he knew that maybe he'd wait just a moment longer, and then take the bin with him upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later Steve went upstairs with a bin and a broom and knocked on the smaller room's door. When there was no reply, he opened it ajar and peeked in. Billy had broken all three full-size mirrors Steve had bought him when they had moved into the house. They had been shopping for drawers, and Billy had checked himself in one of the sample mirrors each time they'd passed it. So, Steve had decided to buy Billy three of them so that he could see himself from all angles in case he wanted to. Billy had blushed and tried to stop him from asking the clerk to get three mirrors delivered. When the mirrors had arrived, Billy had taken him in front of them so that they both had seen themselves throughout, on all angles. Now the room floor was covered with shards. Billy was sitting on the floor under an open window, smoking. His knuckles were bleeding, so Steve left the bin and went to the bathroom to get some bandage and something to clean the wounds with.

He came back with the supplies and sat next to Billy on the floor. "Hand," he said when he had the peroxide ready.

Billy obeyed silently. He winced at the liquid stinging when it touched the wounds, but remained otherwise emotionless as Steve cleaned the wounds and bandaged them.

This is how it always was. Billy breaking himself, and Steve putting him back together, better than new. Steve just hoped that he could stitch Billy back from this blow, too, but he wasn't at all sure he'd manage this time.

"Babe?" he asked.

Billy said nothing.

Steve took Billy's hand in his, and after a while Billy squeezed it. Hard. Steve looked at him, and saw tears streaking on his face. Steve got up pulling Billy up with him. They sat on a small couch in the back of the room and Billy fell on his lap, crying big, ugly sobs.

"I'm so sorry, firecracker," Steve managed to whisper before his own tears started falling on Billy's hair.

When finally all of their tears were spent for the night, they remained on the couch, even though it didn't quite fit two men properly.

"Do you want something to eat?" Steve asked quietly. “You haven't eaten anything the whole day, I guess? You never eat properly when you're expecting something. You went for a run in the morning, you must've spent all your energy by now.”

"I'm not hungry."

"OK. What if...” Steve tried to think of something that could make Billy feel better. “What if we took a shower? It might make you feel better. I know I could do with one. Just a shower, nothing else, OK?"

After a while Billy nodded, and they got up.

Steve let the water run until the bathroom started to fill with steam. There was nothing erotic in their intimacy in the warm shower. They hugged, and Steve washed gently Billy's hair, then his own, and Billy's back, and then they hugged again. When the water started to cool, telling them the boiler was empty, they got out.

"Do you now want something to eat?" Steve asked again.

Billy nodded.

"OK. I'll see what we have in the fridge."

Steve made them eggs, because there was nothing else left in addition to some mayonnaise. He remembered that he had thought of getting groceries after the meeting at the adoption office, but when the meeting had changed everything for them, he'd forgotten all about it.

He looked at Billy, who was picking at his food. He didn't remember seeing Billy this broken in a long time. Maybe on one of the nights when Billy had come to Steve's after Neil had probably, yet again, come up with some new sadistic way to humiliate his son. When Billy had seen Steve, Billy had broken into tears, and Steve had just held him the six hours he'd been there. Steve didn't know to this day what Neil had done then, but he knew how much it hurt Billy.

"I'll call in sick in the morning. I can call to the workshop too, if you want."

"OK."