#(ive used it so many times myself dont worry)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

That post about everything being "Nah" I felt in my core. I'll always respect people who identify differently but when they ask me "what's your pronouns?" Or "where do you lie romanticaly?" I'm just "eh call me whatever you want I guess" or *I don't feel romantically for much anything" maybe cause online people always thought I'm one gender and irl people always thought I was the other so I just responded with "sure I guess"

and it's honestly such an easier way to live ngl... like when it comes to people who Know that i use they/them, it hurts to hear my given pronouns. but when it comes to strangers and just people who i haven't told, it's like... "yeah. ok. ill put on this hat" it feels a bit like a performance. it feels Mischievous, even! ohoho, they've been Tricked!

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[objectlovernonhuman]

villain fictive existing in online spaces moodboard

[caffeinatedopossum]

Anyway just an update, I kept going and the ed recovery is actually recovery-ing now 👍

[0wllight]

My dearest Minho,

May this letter find you well.

I must confess, even though I haven't even sent this at the time of writing, I know I will eagerly await your response. It is something that has never changed upon meeting you- wanting to listen to you, that is. Thank you for being such a strong voice in my life. I know I am not the best at conversation, and I always feel as if I need to repay you for your patience. Perhaps writing this can be some form of repayment…but that was not my original intention.

I love you. I feel as if we were made for each other-- one cannot play pool without a cue and cue ball…even though the idea of being fated is not one in reality. Because of this, it makes our encounter all the more special. We are a 1 in a million of possibilities.

I wish I was not so…new to this. I know you would not love me any different if I talked more, or kissed more. But deep within me I would love nothing more than to do that and more. As it is what I love about you- your voice, your laughter, your affections. It will take time, but I will get to there eventually. At the moment, however, I feel to reiterate my feelings by writing them to you. And afterwards, once you have read this, perhaps…perhaps a kiss. If you wouldn't mind.

I care for you, and wish for your care in return. You are a great light in my heart. Continue to keep me in your thoughts as you are in mine.

Yours, with love, Venom

ok so first heres connecticut right now. it will be on the news tomorrow btw everyone look forward to it you'll see some guy destroyed the netirety of hte state dont worry it was just me

lets also get this out of the way that i am one finger down because. ihave a band aid on one of htem and i alos cant feel my fucking hands its like so cold in here im going to die why didnt you add holding my hand onto your message venom/j

anyways now that we got these disclaimers outta the way

here comes the mental illness where i try to seriously respond to a letter:

JASJODISAIGA2I3[T9302IT930IA903GOKOPGREKLG;ERAMGLA; HIG WHO NEY HIAPWEA HIEA GAWGEAW GWAE MEOW MEOW MEO MEOW MOEW HAIEG AIWAEGIOAWMGKLEWMAGKLWAEMG MWAL HI HONEY HI HI HI THANK YOU FOR WRITING OT ME I RELALY EPAORPPRECIATE LYOU LISTEING TO ME. IM GOING DSOPGAKKGODASKOGPSAKGOPSD sorry i cant read this without goingg GAISDGDISAJGDASJGJIGDAS ok ok i go t this YOU DONT NEED TO REPAY ME I WOULD KILL A MAN FOR YOU. OK. ITS OK HONEY UR TRYING UR BEST THATS WHAT MATTERS UR TAKING LITTLE STEPS NAD ITS OK!! OK I CANT WRITE THIS RESPONSE WITHOUT FUCKING EXPLODING BUT YES I WILL GIVE YOU A KISS COME HERE MUAH MUAH KISSY FORMY BELOVED HUSBAND MUAH ILY I WOULD UGASHGAKMAGGKMLLGMWAKLMGWAKLWGMELKGMWAGELKMWALKMAEGWLKMEAGWLKEAWG I CANT EWALKLG;EWAKGL;EAW IC IAWTNICWA TIAMLAEWML;ATKAL;T ML;AW CRIYNG SOBS GIJSGJSLKDMKSLDMGKSL I ALMOST THREW MY PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM IN MY AUNTS HOUSE WHILE READING THIS BTW REALLY FUN FACT IT WAS SUPER FUN MY BROTHER THOUGHT I WAS INSANE OK DID OYU KNOW MY OCUSINES TALKED ABOUT YOU IT WAS FUNNY I ALMOST PASSED OUT LIKE 16 TIMES BUT ITS OK IM FINE NOW WE GOOD!!! IK U DO THE BAKING BUT I WILL MAKE YOU COOKIES WITH HEARTS ON THEM IM SO GOOD at baking like esriously so good i think im sleep deprived here typing this im so sorry followers ill make this really short i almost passed out like 2 times writing this and am lightheaded right now too curse not taking my meds ever but heres just me at venom ok thanks bye i walked into the eletric fence

.

[pizzapizzadickz]

Haaah. If yesterday is anything to base things off of I shouldnt use my headphones today bc my neck is fucked.

[g8d]

i tried so hard to be kind and sweet and all of these things that are supposed to be good? and valued? but im alone again and i dont think ill ever not be

[skrunksthatwunk]

been wringing my hands about the concept of family therapy. scary stuff. like maybe it could help and we sure as hell need SOMETHING to change but i think it would be like taking a potato peeler to the soles of my feet

[danielnelsen]

so ive beaten dao solo before (on easy) and ive never played it on nightmare, what if i.........................................hmm...

[mrfoox]

Ok new theory as to why I seem to have liked and trusted Oliver since the beginning: he's an fellow chameleon and I could just feel it and relate at once

[wallterwall]

day 32

if you like my (cybrthrillz) content, please read this

tw for self harm and suicidal ideation

i want to take a break

this is not a victory or a win for anyone. if anything all of the harassment and relentless targeted hate has only made me even more motivated to make this little space ive created a more accepting place, and i will continue to be a voice of support for "weird and contradictory" queer identities because we all deserve to be happy and accepted

but, for a long time ive been putting myself in harms way, generally neglecting my own needs for the sake of other people, because i dont care about what happens to me as long as other people are happy and safe, and right now i dont think i can keep pushing myself like that anymore. im tired

i havent had a s/h problem since middle school but now those urges are resurfacing again when i thought id never have to deal with that again

i havent been able to relax or enjoy any of my time without having dreadful thoughts in the back of my mind

ill probably be changing things going forward too, or maybe things wont be changing at all. i dont know. i just know that i want to try and relax and watch those movies ive been meaning to watch and play more video games without feeling guilty that im not using my time for drawing.

the controversies have wounded me a lot but unfortunately regretevator is still my main hyperfixation so ill have trouble getting myself to draw anything else and i dont think i want to really avoid it. so ill still be drawing, but ill be drawing for myself without really worrying about posting schedules. ill still be active on discord, tumblr, instagram

im not going to kill myself today, nor am i going to in the future. because whether some people want to believe it or not, i know and my friends know that i always try my best to be a considerate and kind, overall good person. i know that i genuinely have positively impacted many people in life. i hope that ill be able to go back to regularly posting soon with a clearer state of mind because your support has genuinely improved my life both emotionally and financially, and i couldnt be more grateful.

but right now, its okay to be a little selfish for my sake. and i hope that you all can understand and be patient with me. thanks for stickin around

[wiltkingart]

as another fruity tguy i really REALLY love the way u draw men so so much i see your work and i feel warm from head to toe cause you make trans men so beautiful. i can feel in every work that you love transmascs and being a tmasc and it comes thru in every paintstroke to me.

sorry to hijack with a big paragraph but last anon rly spoke to me and i wanted to share my experience if its ok

to last anon-- my journey is perhaps different from others but for me when i started T i also felt like it was the most important, life or death thing, but after spending time on T i found that even if the results werent as Manly as i was hoping for originally, i suddenly found myself in love with the simple fact that i had changed and my body had changed in a way that was on MY terms, even if it wasnt """perfectly passing"". since then ive found that not having T or having to lower my dosage was no longer painful or frightening.. im not sure how else to explain it other than At First, it felt like the testosterone was trying to fight Against the woman that Was my body, to sort of Transform it completely into this Man, but one day i just suddenly realized "oh. im not fighting anymore. and im actually pretty happy" and even tho i wasnt Perfectly masc by a long shot there was suddenly.. peace. i fell in love with my patchy body hair and my funny voice and my weird dick and then to my own suprise i found myself falling in love with the things i used to hate and wanted to get rid of. i suddenly loved my boobs (i wanted top surgery for YEARS before t) i loved my eyelashes, i loved the way my body looked in womens clothes, and i still loved being a man. im still a man and happier with that than ive ever been, but im more feminine now than i really ever have been! and its because suddenly being a man and having this mans body was something that belonged to ME, not to anyone else. this happiness and this body were on MY terms!!! so anon, i hope that you can try hormones and you get to explore the changes that bring you joy and that you find even more joy in the things you never expected before. but if you dont get hrt? youre still one of us always. i hope you will still find the love in your heart for yourself and the man you are regardless. peace and love and trangenderism ❤️

just want to add on that i relate heavily to your part about "falling in love with the things i used to hate and wanted to get rid of" because my chest was one of my biggest source of grief pre-T and could not imagine a life for myself without top surgery, and even injured myself from binding too much. but something about being on hrt and finally seeing and experiencing myself with more masc features (and living my life as a guy, in my own way) gradually flipped a switch in my brain and i started to love my boobs. and then when i stopped T i was worried and scared i would lose that love, but now i actually love them more than ever (if my art wasnt indication enough hehe). there's so many ways to be trans, and be a man, and i'm so grateful i gave myself the patience and space to explore that, and that i can continue to explore and experience joy with it. peace and love and transgenderism forever 💙

[nikanono]

I know I'm not active on here anymore, but I need a place to get this off my chest.

And Tumblr is where I found my creativity so I guess it fits

It has been so difficult to create anything as of recent. Ive lost so much confidence in what I do with so many shortcomings with my art. And I feel as if part of it is my fault- other parts its completely out of my hands.

Yes, Ai art and the industry tossing creatives aside hasnt been the most encouraging thing in the world. Its a good reason as to why i've been feeling not so great with creating things.

In 2022, I suffered a really bad art burnout. I didnt draw anything for a year. I started to kick it back up again in 2023. I found a lot of comfort in spending a lot of time drawing my OC's- which was far different than what I used to do- which was a shit ton of fanart. It definetely ignighted my spark and I really started to draw what I loved.

I really felt I was diving back into what I was really passionate about.

But I guess i could never escape how badly I relied on external validation for things I make. Because if I truely reflect, I've mostly drawn things for others. And I kept tellling myself that that was something I found comfort in. Getting feedback from an external source is where I grounded my validation for so many years and I really need to break out of that habit. And I'm back in a rut where I'm not finding interest or enjoyment in it anymore.

But its rough- I know OC content doesnt get much attention online, not compared to fanart at least. But seeing numbers dwindle on social def hit the brain a little to hard. I know I cant ever beat the algorithm but it still does suck a whole lot

The art burnout at the start of this year hit me so hard like a 500kg Eagle Strike. I can tell that im forcing any art that I put out. But I look at the recent stuff i make, wether it be a sketch or an illustration, and just feel so disheartened. I dont hate it, I dont critique it- I just feel disheartned by it.

And I know its affecting other parts in my life. Im a lot more moody and irritable, and I have this lingering worry that its starting to affect my social circles. I do my best to check in with my friends and partner but anxiety really just isnt kind at times.

I know time is going to be my friend in overcoming burnout- I know I've overworked myself. I just hate how I'm starting to resent the things I was so passionate about.

But really, I needed to get this off my chest somewhere.

Thanks for hanging friends

[serialunaliver]

this is probably like way too personal a question, but what sort of manipulative behaviours did you previously do that you stopped? im also bpd but when my friends threw me away they told me absolutely 0 of what i did so ive been like. afraid to do anything social situations terrify me now in case i might accidentally manipulate someone. since i dont know what i did ive been trying to learn by example from others (if this is too weird or personal please feel free to delete lol)

ok first i'm borderline with narcissistic traits so I don't have this issue (worrying about being manipulative) but it's not uncommon to have as a fear with bpd and the thing is manipulation in bpd is a defensive reaction - you aren't necessarily wanting to harm the person, but feel if you don't engage in certain manipulative behaviors, they will hurt or abandon you. this is different than someone manipulating with the intent of putting themselves 'above' the other and exploiting their insecurities for self benefit. so i'd say what to recognize is manipulation in bpd is erratic and extreme, not calculated, and also tied to fears associated with bpd like fear of abandonment. create some hypothetical situations in your head involving people close to you leaving or hurting you in some way and imagine how you'd honestly respond. the reason the hypothetical has to involve real harm and abandonment is because the manipulation is in response to what you perceive as oncoming harm or abandonment regardless of reality. one thing I used to do is start hurting myself in some way if I thought a person was going to leave me. I would do this to the point where the person would have to physically stop me, and now feel better knowing they're engaging with me at all again. also many times i've threatened to kill myself or another person in arguments. if i'm in an argument the anger level is never "normal". i'll usually eventually completely break down and start crying. now whenever I find myself about to become argumentative, I back off. other manipulative behaviors I have breach out of the bpd category so not really worth mentioning because they'd only be done by someone who knows what they're doing is manipulative and has decided it's the most self beneficial option (before anyone gets mad, some of these behaviors I also learned to recognize and prevent, funnily enough usually by putting MYSELF down).

[thatdeadaquarius]

I found one of your sagau posts about language and got me thinking xD

Reader who knows a lot of languages which gets people confused. Are they speaking in their godly language? Are they really that mad that they switched to another language? Why are they smirking like that--- (Aether/Lumine who understood everything trying so hard not to laugh at people's reactions)

Why did I imagine that after a flowery speech Reader delivers a response so blunt the vine boom sfx can be heard---

Reader trying out flowery speech and failing, while the rest of the people in the background are either A.) Trying to convince you that its alright to talk simply (oh now you turn the tables--) or B.) Some of them fainting in devotion/cuteness because their god looks at them so eagerly for feedback

I heard somewhere that Mondstadt is based on Germany and another post about Snezhnaya (bruh whats the spelling 🤣💀) based on Russia, so I thought that while they speak english they also throw in a couple words of their respective language (or in some drunk cases, full out native language). Cue reader just.... 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

Bilingual reader who uses full advantage of their knowledge into making puns and jokes to Cyno----

WE CAUGHT ANOTHER ONE BOYS

YES YES THE PSPSPSPSS NEVER FAILSSS🛐🛐🛐

(subliminalmessagingpspspspsscometomeaskscomepspspspspssubliminalmessaging)

___________

DUDE ive thought abt just making it where Aether/Lumine are the only ones who understand English/ur language and like, while u can (or maybe cant for shenanigans) speak Teyvatian (ew theres gotta be a better word for that?) Theres NOTHING as amazing as the bilingual experience of pranking bitches

Eula gives like a whole poetry book of a speech to you guys to be more responsible abt gliding in the city (its cute <3 shes actually very concerned bc you know you would do sm that would worry her, i mean i know im just flinging myself off of every surface all the time, esp in Mondstadt im not using no stairs💀)

And you just... turn to Aether/Lumine and say smth in English and they bust out laughing

(Or worse, u two are giggling like little shits✨️)

Dont feel too bad Eula, they do this to everyone

(Paimon's constantly on ya'lls case abt it)

Like u didnt even say anything rude (probably), as u explained to Eula, but its like this all the time, sm ppl even find themsleves jealous of this bond you two have got, tho whether they are jealous of Aether/Lumine or you is still still hard to tell,,)

♧

IM SO GLAD ONE PERSON OUT THERE GOT THE FLOWERY SPEECH -> YOU REPLY -> VINE BOOM 🤝🤝🤝 THING I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY

Thats deadass like how i imagine half the time it would be like talking to ppl, esp if ur critizing smth that person was doing lmao (like roasting them)

Its even funnier if like, u didnt hear the vine boom so to speak, like u got ur back to the rest of the characters/npcs while ur talking to this one person and u dont even know u just said smth that's got like one person crying laughing

(KAEYA, aether/lumine, hu tao, KAVEH, Venti, childe, Yae Miko, SCARAMOUCHE/WANDERER, beidou, off the top of my head)

♡

Another one is just standing there in shock, when will they unfreeze? Only time can tell

(Zhongli, jean, eula, keqing, ayaka, ganyu, kuki shinobu, once again off the top of my head theres so many characters at this point in genshin help)

♡

They're just like,, processing still, theyre probably overthinking everything u say bc to them you give so little information 💀 i can see the like transparent images of their thinking faces floating around them now LMAO

(Alhaitham, zhongli again rip, DILUC, kaeya's also laughing at him not just you his stomach hurts help him, Ei, XIAO, ALBEDO, Ayato but he'd also be muffling a laugh, Kazuha maybe i can also see him just giggling n shit, Kokomi, CYNO, Tighnari but also he'll react like its the funniest joke ever while he's trying to actually think abt it, so he just ends up standing there, thinking outloud, then cracking up over and over again lol)

♤

Oh Cyno u sweet summer child, as soon as u started making puns it was over for him, no one can stop you, even if Tighnari can't understand ur language rn he can definitely just sense there's bad jokes being made, esp if Cyno gets it and his lip like, twitches upward or even worse, he chuckles.

(Tighnari's totally getting onto him for corrupting you)

☆

pLEASE US ACTUALLY TRYING TO SPEAK LIKE THEM 😭😭😭

What a cute image, just some of them reassuring us and some of them thinking its cute for trying, and we look around the room when we try for feedback i know i would 😭😭

If i actually got close tho they better give me a headpat or smth

___________

Anyway THANK YOU for the ask!! (subliminalmessingpspspspspscometomeaskscomepspsps)

That was a BEAUTIFUL✨️ thing to read, got my heart doin backflips and shit 😳😊🥰

God this is so long im so sorry everyone

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[pizzapizzadickz]

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