#(you know sane with c-ptsd)

[inamindfarfaraway]

Do you ever think about Azula after Zuko's banishment and before she was sent on her mission? About the time it was just her and Ozai? Because I do.

Her worst fear is being what Zuko is to their father. It's easy to look at her smirking while she watches Ozai light Zuko’s face on fire and think that she enjoys her brother’s suffering, but from the day she was born, Zuko has been the bad example. The scapegoat. The failure she exists to surpass. Where he is disrespectful, she will be obedient. Where he is weak, she will be strong. She will make Ozai proud. She will be perfect. She has to be. Because if she isn’t -

well, in that moment she sees that for herself. Iroh looks away, but she doesn’t. This eleven-year-old child watches the whole gory scene that her experienced general uncle can’t stomach, because this is a lesson for her as well, that’s why Father had her be here, and so she must not let herself tremble or cry or flinch or scream. Zuko is. That means she can’t. Instead she will do the exact opposite, smile with a princess’s proper posture.

Then Zuko is banished. He will most likely never return - most likely die young. He isn’t around to be the foil under her jewel anymore, making her shine brighter simply by contrast. (Or to play with her or comb her hair. But it isn’t useful or becoming to miss those moments. She isn’t a child anymore; her childhood was burned through like Zuko’s skin.) All Ozai’s attention is on her. All her people’s hope in the next generation of royalty rests in her. If she doesn’t hold her shoulders back and keep her head high, she will collapse under the weight of her nation’s future. Zuko got what he deserved. Just as whatever happens to her, she deserves it too.

How many nightmares does she have? How many times does she flinch or shake when her father touch her? Or force herself not to? How many times does she smell burning hair and flesh and hear her brother’s agony when she spoke her own opinion in a war meeting? How much does she secretly grieve him, and scold herself for it?

[brokendarkfairyempressforever]

I'm sorry for being sad

I'm sorry for being angry

I'm sorry for being anxious

I'm sorry for being depressing

I'm sorry for being confused

I'm sorry for having depression

I'm sorry for having PTSD and C-PTSD

I'm sorry for having anxiety

I'm sorry for having bpd

I'm sorry for not understanding social cues

I'm sorry for the lack of emotions

I'm sorry for forgetting myself

I'm sorry for not knowing myself

I'm sorry for having trouble focusing

I'm sorry having random interests that I randomly remember and sometimes spout but most of the time I forget I can speak and just keep it in my head

I'm sorry for feeling guilty for everything

I'm sorry that I'm spiraling

I'm sorry that I can't make it better

I'm sorry that I can't take away the pain

I'm sorry for forgetting but remembering stuff that doesn't matter

I'm sorry for feeling worthless

I'm sorry that my mind is trying to find order a figure out this puzzle even though everything is in chaos and my brain is overheating

I'm sorry for feeling like I'm gonna pass out

I'm sorry for my back hurting

I'm sorry for my mind breaking over the fact x means e because my brain is broken and stupid

I'm sorry for the constant headaches

I'm sorry for being really bad at math

I'm sorry for not understanding the first or few times

I'm sorry it's hard to understand me when I talk and my behavior

I'm sorry for turning things in late

I'm sorry for being too scared to do anything

I'm sorry for not being sane enough

I'm sorry for not being able to mask anymore

I'm sorry for not being a robot anymore

I'm sorry for combusting

I'm sorry for being empty

I'm sorry for being mentally unstable

I'm sorry for asking for help

I'm sorry for not asking for help

I'm sorry if I seem clingy

I'm sorry for zoning out all the time

I'm sorry if I seem I don't care enough

I'm sorry for being bad at conveying emotions

I'm sorry for having no filter

I'm sorry for having trouble controlling my emotions

I'm sorry if I seem dead

I'm sorry for having trouble with connecting with people

I'm sorry for being bad at socializing

I'm sorry for taking everyone's stress even though I don't have to and should focus on myself no matter how hard it is

I'm sorry for stressing over everything

I'm sorry for overthinking everything

I'm sorry for having trust issues

I'm sorry for talking too much

I'm sorry for not talking enough

I'm sorry for not fitting into any societies standards

I'm sorry for still not being enough

I'm sorry for being a bother

I'm sorry for being a burden

I'm sorry for stressing you out

I'm sorry for not being okay

I'm sorry for breaking

I'm sorry for everything

[frankenkyle19]

opening up

took about a million years but it’s finally here! The Kit Walker angst! I made it a bit of H/C because I can’t stand to see my bby kit sad with no resolution. I plan on making a more in depth fic at some point of his trauma and stuff so gmekfkekf

word count: 907

warnings: trauma, mentions of abuse, PTSD, sad kit Walker

You didn’t truly know the extent of Kit Walker’s trauma…

Of course it ran deep, a part of him never fully recovering from the awful things he saw and experienced in that asylum. He hat PTSD, which caused some outbursts, and triggering memories. You didn’t want to have to bounce around him. Didn’t want to have to tiptoe around the issue. You wanted Kit to be able to talk to you. To know he was safe with you. 

So, you had gotten into contact with Lana winters. One of Kit’s old friends, who had also been inside the asylum. Yet another innocent person wrongfully put in that evil place. She seemed more open about it all, but behind her smile there was something else. Something that not even Kit held in his warm brown eyes. She had obviously pushed down a lot of stuff, and one day you hoped maybe she’d be able to get past it.

She had told you what happened. The beatings. The isolation. All the trauma that no sane person should be able to endure. She spoke of the awful Dr. who has tricked the both of them, and nearly got Kit sent to the electric chair for his crimes. 

Your heart broke. Not only for Kit, but for both of them. You understood why they shared such a strong bond now. They had been through hell and back together. After your talk with Lana, you struggled with trying to figure out how to bring it up to Kit. The last thing you wanted to do was trigger him in any way. 

He had come home from work one day, you having already tucked his kids into bed. He had hired you as a babysitter a few months after Grace had passed and Alma was taken to the asylum. You had supported him through all of it, and helped take care of his two bundles of joy. After time, you two fell for each other and were practically inseparable. He was such a selfless lover, always putting you first, no matter the situation.

When he walked through the door, you were standing with your hands wrapped across your chest as you looked up at him. Your eyes were soft, but he knew something was up. 

“The kiddos okay?” He asked. That was the first thing his mind wandered to. If anything happened to his kids he didn’t know if he’d survive. They were his pride and joy. 

“They’re in bed, fast asleep.” You said, taking his coat despite his arguments that he could take care of it, and put it onto the coat rack.

“I’d like to talk to you about something.”

Kits mind ran through every possible situation. What had he done? Has he upset you? His heart raced a bit as he watched you a bit nervously. He never wanted to upset you, and when you were mad at him, it broke his heart.

“You aren’t in trouble Kit, I just want to talk about something.”

He nodded as he sat down on the couch, brows knit together as he looked up at you “what is it suga’?”

You smiled as his accent came through before taking a seat next to him. You let your hands take one of his, tracing the veins in his hand before rubbing his knuckles gently with your thumb.

“Look, Kit. I just… I want you to be able to talk to me. And I want to know you. All of you. The good and the bad. I went and talked to Lana-“

“Why did you talk to Lana?” He interrupted, looking much more on edge than he had mere seconds ago. This was exactly the problem. He didn’t open up, and when you had any questions he shut down or got defensive. 

“I talked about your guy’s time in the asylum, Kit.” You said, cutting to the chase. He pulled his hand away from your touch, which caused a frown to set on your lips. 

“Look, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I love you Kit, but I want you to be able to tell me, okay? Do you trust me?“

“Of course I trust ya- it’s just-“

“Just what Kit?” You urged, hoping he wouldn’t close up this time.

“I didn’t wanna be a burden to ya.”

Those words single handedly broke your heart into a million pieces. He thought that? The Kit Walker thought he could be a burden if he shared his past?

“Kit, you could never ever be a burden to me. I love you so so much.” As you said those words, you realized he had begun to cry.

Your arms were gentle as you cradled him, holding him close and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

Little by little, by each day, he did begin to open up to you. After years. Finally. What he went through was horrible, and you could see it in his eyes, but the more he talked about it the more… free he looked. Less tortured.

Your relationship grew stronger the more he shared with you as well, your love for each other deepening each and every day.

You promised to never leave him, and he promised to always take care of you. It was you and Kit against the world, and in your opinion, you two were doing a pretty damn good job of it so far. 

[onaspacewalk]

hi!! how are you doing?? how’s yakuza going? (very awkward message but it’s been a while and didn’t know how to word the ask better andjdj)

omg hiii!! things are being quite hectic recently. i took a break from university bc my mental health has gone to shit, got diagnosed with depression and c-ptsd (duh) and currently moving out of my dorm to an apartment with another three flatmates (the rent in my city is disgustingly high)

as for my yakuza 0 progress I'm currently on chapter 7 also known as a chapter in which majima goro is going through Not Good Very Bad Time (doesn't he ever tho). loving it immensely esp the fighting and business minigames. and also substories are hilarious because. i do, too, find myself in some sort of Situations constantly so it's like. ah yeah average tuesday in kamurocho (which I've been jokingly calling the Levandovka district simulator bc this district in lviv is not exactly safe OR sane. same with Sykhiv (another remote city district) but i hate this place with a passion so i assign it the sotenbori treatment.

sorry for a long rant!! how have you been?

[system-of-a-feather]

... I've only just now realized that I'm Doing The Riku Thing TM (positive edition) - cause the consultation was just one of those really brief phone calls of like "hey do you have dysphoria" rather than an actual in depth one so the tax wasn't too huge and all, and XIV was just like "oh thank god we don't have to do the real thing until August" cause we could dedicate the next two months of therapy and what not to focusing on this issue and the fact we had this appointment was enough to kinda wake us up to the fact that we actually need to get actively engaged in figuring it out and start looking to get out of the "slowly working towards it" area

And I'm just over here like literally giving the guy a thumbs up the whole fucking

And just going "Aye lets go that gives us a goal and a task with a set date, lets get a game plan together and lets GET THIS BREAD *claps hand* JUNE TO AUGUST THE SAGA OF SOLVING THE MYSTERY PROBLEM THAT IS GENDER SHIT LET US GO"

And unironically I'm like kinda a little hyped cause Im like *slams hand* Lets MAKE plans to DO this RIGHT

Let us grab our lists and figure out things we need to clear and talk to and lets get This BREAD.

We have until August so Lets GO We got our GOALS and lets DO THIS its a PROJECT lets GO WE GOT THIS

And I'm realizing I'm just

I forget that the complications of surgery and recovery is one of the top things that just depresses XIV about this cause due to C-PTSD - major surgery is such a HUGE hit on our mental health because we are incredibly triggered whenever we can't do things or are forced to rely on others + exercising and high activity is what keeps us sane + a lot of us don't do well relaxing, sitting still, and having body discomfort - so it puts us in a wall between living with hell forever or living with MAJOR SUPER hell for a short period

And I'm just like bouncing off the walls going "HELL YEAH LETS PLAN FOR OUR TRIP TO SUPER HELL TOGETHER LETS MAKE THIS SHIT FUN LETS GO WEEE"

And I'm just like "You know what if we took advantage of the time to get progress on the story and art done, or you know I'm not sure if its viable, but at least in some part of the later period, what if we just took advantage of the time and traveled to visit our writing partner like idk if thats viable but that sounds fun huh"

And I'm just realizing that like

XIV is over there loathing this originally and the fact that we have to Go To Super Hell to get out of Chronic Hell

And I'm just here like, hyping up going to super hell and I'm like

Oh

Right I'm doing the "this is miserable but HEY who cares"

Doing the Riku TM Thing TM.

I'm just like

[gunmetalgrey]

H E A D C A N O N | THE DEATH OF SEBASTIAN MORAN

TW FOR DRUGS, ADDICTION, OVERDOSE AND DEATH.

Note: over the last ten years, @epiitaphs and I have worked together to create a shared Moran Family. I am always open to writing with other Morans and would love to do more in general, however if you do not write a Moran then THIS is the events in Alex’s canon. If you would like to understand more or plot familial ties with Alex, please know my IM’s are always open. And to @epiitaphs, Alex the muse will always hate you for making Alex the cat.

Sebastian Nikolai James Moran was the eldest of the Moran children, and Alex’s hero. They always struggled with a weird and uneasy relationship, given the age gap. He and Severin liked to pretend Alex was invisible for several years while she was small until as an unruly and hellish teenager she had a sense of rebellion that could outshine his own. They were alike in some ways, and vastly different in others. Over the years there were phases of talking and not talking, which became worse in the early 200’s when Sebastian officially cut off the entire family.

Struggling with undiagnosed PTSD and a dishonourable discharge that his father had managed to get him rather than the prison time he had been due to serve, Sebastian turned to opiates. And murder as a means of earning enough to keep up the habit. Alex didn’t know of this until much later, she herself was injured in the line of duty in November 2010. Despite all the friction between them, his last known number was her emergency contact and he had been the one to nurse her back to functional health. It was during this time she learned of what she had missed in his life, and when forced to take her own discharge on medical grounds, asked to help him in his new found criminal career as well as helping him stay sane and sober. Seb was clean since November 2009, and planned to stay that way.

It wasn’t an easy fit, in February 2014 Alex faked her death and forced an unknowing Sebastian to identify the body. This is the last time she existed as Alex Moran, and any other relatives believe she is buried somewhere near Bristol. She showed up in Sebs flat two weeks later with little to no explanation. And worse still, they fought physically in March 2014 when Alex tried to leave to work alone.

Sebastian is the one who had a relationship with Moriarty (known as M) in whatever twisted way that could be understood. Alex didn’t know much about their deal until March 2015- when Sebastian made a further bargain with M. For nearly 18 months, Alex had been captured and tortured by Georgian terrorists and when learning she was alive, Sebastian made a deal for her freedom. She too would work for Moriarty to earn back her ransom.

Alex did not agree to this and wasn’t aware of the promises made till much later (when it was far too late). She had always resented and hated M, and generally does not deal with him at all. Sebastian in the middle man- or he was. In September 2017, Alex was finally pushed too far.

She was asked to kill a family of 5, including three children. Up to this point, Alex had been able to live with herself by counting the lives she had ended as for the better, usually criminals or those wishing to bring harm. But she has always had a rule about children. And she told Moriarty that this was too far. He could end their deal, he could take her life, but she would not hurt a kid. Ever.

Alex believed her defiance had been heard and maybe even respected. She was sent on another job out of town for a week, and out of contact. She returned to London to find news of the family in Sweden found massacred in their home, and knowing it had to be Sebastian who had committed the horrible act, she went to his flat to confront him.

Instead she found him dead of an apparent overdose.

To her dying day, she doesn’t believe he would have relapsed. She is left with his cat (Also called Alex, as a sick in joke) and a mountain of grief she cannot begin to process. As well as the same employer she believes is responsible for his death. Sebastian’s body was found in his apartment, his indoor cat rehomed to a happy family and the tabloids having a small field day over the third dead child of the MP Thomas Moran. It took a week for Alex (the human) to trap Alex (the stray black cat) in order to make sure she wasn’t a nuisance for other neighbour and to have the last connection to her brother. The apartment was sold, the media moved on and everyone else forgot about the junkie son of a House of Lords politician.

Except for Alex, who finally understood there was no safety while M was alive.

[emperorhyperi0n]

STORY IDEA: QUESTION (HERO) AUTHORITY

this is completely divorced from my other posts but like. writing idea for anyone who's interested (I am in writing block hell so can't really do it myself):

So like you know those fics where "x characters get teleported to y [other franchise]", right? It was on my rewatch of Justice League Unlimited that I thought of it. The idea is thus: What If Question (and Huntress) were sent to the MHA universe?

See the thing is, you could not dissuade me from thinking that Question would have a goddamn field day/heart attack in MHA Japan™. This man seeing A: a world where metahumans are 80%-ish of society (with Quirkless being discriminated against), B: superheroes being a literal job, C: vigilantism being generally outlawed, and D: superheroes being pretty much government controlled and sponsored by corporations...

yeah Q's paranoid ass ain't having any of that shit. I have no idea what would happen in the actual plot, but it would involve (at least in my part):

- Question accidentally becoming bootleg Batman and engaging in a somewhat one-sided rivalry with Aizawa (it's on Aizawa's side, suprisingly, Question is past the point of fucks to give at that point).

- An increasingly exasperated Helena being the "only sane person" in this universe, to pretty much everyone at some point.

- Q and Helena accidentally adopting Shinso

- Q and Helena accidentally adopting Toga

- THE FALL OF THE HERO COMMISSION (always in all caps, written in a glitter pen that Q stole from Green Arrow.)

- Q and Helena accidentally(?) adopting Hawks

- Midoriya accidentally running into Q a year before he goes to UA, and subsequently getting inspired by complete accident, later becoming a mini-Question in Class 1-B. Q has to roll psychic damage every time he sees him.

- Q's Cadmus-induced PTSD and a rumination on how it drives him in this strange new world, along with his relationship with Helena as his "rock", there will be romantic Q/Helena stuff in this somewhere it is vital.

- AFO watching his plans get completely fucked, as per tradition

Anyways that's all I got, feel free to do whatever ya want to or with it. If someone does end up making this, please tag me or something!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Wilford Warfstash x reader where Wilford is having a ptsd episode and remembering what he did to the reader at the Manor, and he begs them to tell him that it wasn’t real, that it was all a joke, just like they have the past hundreds of times this has happened.

The reader gently tells him that, yes, of course it wasn’t real. It was all just a joke, and waits for Wilford to descend into madness and smile.

But, for the first time in forever, Wilford can’t seem to do that, his accent changes to one that it was so long ago as he sobs that no, no, he remembers, he remembers what happened, he knows Damien and Celine aren’t coming back, and most of all, he remembers what he did to the reader. And he sobs and apologizes over and over, making the reader tear up and hug him, telling him it’s okay. They forgive him. They know he didn’t mean to.

Maybe also with pining romantic feelings mixed in? ❤️

"Woah, woah..Wilford, easy. Just put the gun down.”

“Wha..Why? What are you so afraid of, friend? Huh? It’s not like it’s going to kill you!”

Despite his laughter, it didn’t match the haunted look in Wilford’s eyes. It was one you remembered all too well, knowing exactly what was happening to him the moment he looked at you in that way.

The first time it happened was in the manor, and now it comes back time and time again. He recalls what occurred that horrible morning, yet was always unsure of the exact details. So he immediately went to either you or Dark for consolation, panicking, waving a gun around, and near-tears as he asks you the same question.

“I didn’t kill anyone, did I?”

You don’t know what could’ve triggered it this time around. But no matter the cause, you had to pull him back into reality.

Or rather keep him from knowing the reality.

The reality that you, Damien, and Celine ceased to exist that day and were no longer the people he once knew. The reality that he shot you, his first victim, in which he’d go onto kill many more victims, led by a blind assumption that death wasn’t permanent and they would all just get up eventually.

You did, so why wouldn’t they as well?

Yet..the more he asked himself this, the more he started to doubt himself. But he didn’t know why.

You’ve told him the same thing a hundred times: He never killed anybody..it was all just a joke! A cruel prank between friends.

You’ve told him yourself! It’s what he told himself!

So he didn’t understand why he kept questioning whether that was the truth.

Maybe he just needed confirmation once and for all.

“I promise..I-I won’t ever ask this again.” He stepped uncomfortably close to you, his smile so twisted, yet so broken. “I keep having doubts and I need to know...am I murderer? Is everyone still here with us? Please don’t lie.”

Although you wanted to so badly give him the truth, you knew that the comforting lie is what he needed more. Because it’s become his new reality--and for you to suddenly say otherwise would...

God, you didn’t even know what would happen if you did admit it to him. That’s what terrified you. The possibilities of how much this could break his mind and do something horrendous to you, himself, Dark..or any ego here....you couldn’t face that.

He’s hurt too many people. You couldn’t risk that.

So with a small sigh, you forced a tiny smile. “They’re still here. And you..didn’t kill anyone. It’s all okay now.”

And so you waited for him to calm down and return to that state of being that you knew him so well for. Yes, he would still be mad. But it was the kind of mad you were accustomed to seeing.

The kind that, ironically, made him more sane than he was right now.

But for the first time in years, those words didn’t work.

Instead of soothing Wilford’s mind, it did the exact opposite as he began to sob, holding the side of the gun against his head as he stumbled away from you. Only a few short feet. “No, no...no, no, no! I..c-cannot be in this stage of denial no longer! STOP IT!!”

You blinked in astonishment, hearing his accent slip back into a familiar one that you’ve forgotten about.

One from so long ago.

Cautiously, you stayed near the door, ready to bolt in case you needed to. “Wilford-”

“W-William...my name was..William, wasn’t it?” He muttered, his inflection not changing as he gazed at you. It seemed like a wave of lucidity had washed over him. “Please tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.”

This was entirely new.

Has he finally come to grips with the truth all by himself?

Well, there was no sense in lying to him anymore. So you nodded gently. “You were Colonel William J...Barnum. We were childhood friends, I’d write to you all the time..and...” You trailed off, not wanting to hit him with too many memories.

“N-No..don’t hold back.” The tears kept falling from his eyes, the gun clamoring to the floor. “There’s no need to anymore, [y/n]. I know what I did..what really happened.”

You stared at him, surprised. “You do?”

“That blasted house..i-it took them. Damien...Celine..I don’t know what it did to them, but I know it changed Dames. He’s not the same anymore, is he?”

“...no, he’s just Dark. Only a shadow of his former self.”

“H-Hah, of course..of course. No wonder he hates it when I say those names around him.” Holding himself, he began to shake, his smile wavering with a sob. He then staggered back towards you in a familiar way.

The same way he did back in that manor after waiting hours for you to wake up.

“I remember something else so clearly now. The way your body fell off that balcony...a-after I..I....oh god, [y/n].” Cupping a hand over his mouth, he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of you, completely shattered. “That’s where it all went so wrong!! The moment I shot you dead!!”

You gazed down at him with an aching heart. “William-”

“It’s no wonder you were ready to run! Why you had to lie for my sake! To protect yourself from y-your...your MURDERER!!” He screamed sorrowfully, still holding himself as he rocked slightly on the floor.

Immediately your eyes became full of tears. Not because he was yelling, but because he was finally understanding the truth of that day after being stuck in a perpetual state of denial for ages.

And most importantly he wasn’t shooting holes in the walls. Just..weeping on the floor like a child, mumbling apologies over and over again.

You couldn’t bear to leave him like this, so you knelt down and pulled him into an embrace. At first he was shocked, but then he clung to you tightly, echoing words from that rusty automaton he tried shoving all of his grief into.

“I didn’t know the gun was loaded..I didn’t know the gun was..w-was loaded..I didn’t know-”

“I didn’t know either, Will.” You hushed, petting his hair and giving the top of his head a gentle kiss. One he could barely feel. “But what I do know is that you didn’t mean to kill me. I know you’d never hurt me on purpose. I forgive you..and I never stopped loving you.” The last part was muttered quietly, yet he heard you and sniffled.

“But I...I-I took everything from you! Even your life!” His sobs became softer, muffled by your shoulder. “H-How could you love someone who robbed you of so much?”

Your heart jumped, knowing he reciprocated the feelings, but now you knew why this revelation devastated him more than anything. Even more than losing Damien.

Because Celine wasn’t the only love in his life.

Oh no, he’s loved you since the moment you both graduated, ready to set onto your own paths. Yet neither of you could bring yourselves to confess to each other, losing touch when he went on the safari and returned a changed man. You came pretty close to at the party...yet fate stole that opportunity from you once more.

Then you two became strangers again...until Wilford started having these episodes and seemed so lost on what was fiction and what was reality.

But now he knew his love for you was real. It always was. And it’s why he was such a mess and ran to you for comfort whenever the memories overwhelmed him.

Because you were the true love of his life. And for you to be here still, holding him in your arms, was all the reassurance he needed.

You didn’t have to answer his question.

You’ve already given him your answer.

[laryna6]

Reading Solo Leveling manhwa knowing spoilers, it becomes very clear that everything everything in Sung Jin-woo’s life was arranged to teach him that ‘you cannot count on anyone, cooperation is not a valid strategy.’ Which. Humans will die w/o cooperative relationships, we need them like Vitamin C. Since the original goal was to overwrite his personality, then yeah, the goal is obviously psychologically destroying him with isolation until his mind was so fragile you could knock it over with a feather.

I see people in the comments going ‘he’s becoming mentally stronger’ and like no. No. He is not. The thing you think is ‘becoming stronger’ is actually becoming measurably less sane, and psychology defines sanity as ‘ability to function.’ He’s actually becoming less capable mentally, not more.

But even as Sung Jin-woo is manipulated to think he can’t rely on anyone, he’s putting his life on the line for his sister’s sake. He is someone reliable, therefore symbiotic relationships between people can exist, but Trauma so he doesn’t see this.

Sung Jin-woo manipulated into distancing himself from everyone while slowly going crazy with PTSD (Bc you CANNOT recover from PTSD w/o emotional support from relationships) also makes things easier for Ashborne because if Sung Jin-woo is already drowning in PTSD and operating by a logic that no sane human operates by bc that shit will drive you insane, then no one would notice if he’s replaced with someone drowning in PTSD operating according to an inhuman logic.There’d be no one observing him closely enough to go ‘wait this is a different flavor of suicidal wreck.’

But like. Jin-ho happens. And “humans will pack-bond with ANYTHING.”

In the manhwa chapter I’m reading now, Jin-woo basically defined ‘a safe place’ as ‘a place where there are people you have bonds with,’ which is. Yes. That’s a large part of what your brain uses to judge whether or not you’re safe because no bonds = the absence of a huge survival advantage. ‘Loneliness’ is the same as thirst, the brain going ‘hey you don’t have enough of something you need to not die, get on that.’ He goes ‘a dungeon is not a safe place bc there’s no one here who wants me to live...’ and then Jin-ho steps between him and the people who want to kill him. In terms of combat capability, this makes no major difference to Jin-woo’s ability to survive, but his brain still would have gone ‘thank fuck’ because as the series shows, his bond with Jin-ho is a massive force multiplier that allows him to get stronger faster and therefore be able to survive against tougher enemies. In this specific dungeon Jin-ho isn’t making him safer, but in every single dungeon he enters in the future, his bond with Jin-ho continues to make him safer and capable of more than he would have been otherwise, even when Jin-ho isn’t there.

Jin-woo is deprived of his mother and father and a little play is put on to convince him he can’t rely on anyone in order to make him weak and kill him. But then in his moment of despair Jin-ho is there broadcasting ‘see what a good ally I am! I can help you lots! like me!’ like, basically doing a full-on bird courting dance only for friendship, and like. Jin-ho is doing it because he doesn’t want to die, but Jin-woo accepts despite everything he was deliberately taught because a part of him doesn’t want to die either.

That was where the plan for Jin-woo went off the rails. That was where he grabbed the power-up that made the difference between life and death.

[buckmepapi]

really need to talk about something real quick but what the fuck?

tw below for seriously fucked up fic writers writing things that no one should be reading  

i was on ao3 last night and i clicked the noncon tag bc tbh ive been reading more noncon stuff and enjoying it i think it’s because ive been victim to a non con situation myself but also ive been victim to prolonged physical and mental abuse and have c-ptsd because of it so when im reading a reader fic that features it for me it feels cathartic and i enjoy it bc its like im in control? idk if that’s how others feel but yeah 

so any fucking way, im on there searching through that genre because i didnt know you could, so then i discover you can filter it through fandoms and relationships etc, so i couldnt see a reader one at first so i filtered with original characters bc sometimes people on their mark reader as both reader and original characters but when i did that all that was coming up was original work and i was like goddamn it, i scrolled through but i cant for the life of me read original work like that bc it doesnt feature a reader, so it’s not me and so it’s not me in control like it feels fucked up reading about someone else going through it if its not me who WANTS to read it anyway i come across one that had the most disgusting title after i realised what it was about and no im not going to repeat it, i look at the tags and i think is that really what i fucking think its about like????how are you still alive after writing something so vile like you actually deserve to have your head bashed in and so does everyone who even likes it or reads it...

i click on it, because i noticed it had comments, i scrolled all the way down so i couldnt see any of the fic bc honestly no id rather not subject myself to something so heinous like i just wanted to see wtf these people are saying in the comments because this is the first time my new to fanfics reading and writing ass has ever ever heard of this i was not even aware it was a thing at least i hope its fucking not and this was just a one off person who did this, but literally all of the comments were people saying “that’s so hot” etc and other shit, and only 4 sane people obviously seeing it bc they follow the non con tag i guess? and commenting on it saying “what the fuck is wrong with you” , “you should be in jail” and other insults and im just mortified that someone would write about something like this and people enjoy it????

i didnt even read it and i feel ill because i unwillingly saw the tags and title and that alone has made me feel triggered and i just my mind can not comprehend that there is a select group of people in our community that write about this? is this a thing? i actually want to cry like legitmately its upset me 

so after that i discovered you can exclude tags, so i excluded the underage tag which i didnt even know was a fucking genre, but this person wrote an extremely underage fic like im talking smut about you know, im not even going to say the word in the same sentence like how is that allowed on ao3????? how are these people allowed to breathe? if you’re writing about that why are you thinking about innocent kids that way??? are you having thoughts like that around kids???? seek fucking help immidiately??????? like why is this allowed on the site????? those tags should be banned because i did not want to fucking see those tags at all 

idk im rambling because i cant comprehend this, is this really a thing???? why are these people allowed to live????? who writes about babies, yes babies was apparently what it was about according to the tags, but im not fucking reading it to check and judging by the 4 sane comments i saw it was actually about that 

i dont even know what to say, fuck this person who wrote it, fuck the people who read it, and fuck ao3 and its creators for allowing that on the site and those disgusting tags - tags dont work to warn people if the tags themselves are triggering fuck you you horrid cunts 

[kittycatlukey]

*****

Rylee,

Iraq is a place where people can’t come back from. They come back with scars, PTSD, horrible nightmares, and memories they can’t escape. But you ate up each war story I told you. I didn’t think you’d follow me. But you did. You’re a good shot, a hell of a soldier, and braver than I thought you were. You achieved medals that prove it… You proved me wrong; and I’ve never been more proud to be wrong in my life.

You had to fight the same goddamn war that I did— I never wanted that. I never wanted you to experience what I had to go through, and to this day continue to go through. The soldier life isn’t for the weak, but you’re not weak. You’re strong, Rylee… I want you to know I’m so proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. And I miss you. I miss you a whole damn lot.

Jacob

*****

I read his note over and over again. The creases in the piece of paper were flimsy from me folding, unfolding, and refolding the note. A lone tear had fell from my left eye and dripped onto the paper right under Jacob’s name. I quickly wiped away the water from under my eye so no one could see, and put the note in my army shirt pocket. I took a deep breath in, and slowly exhaled, trying to calm myself. Just thinking about Jacob writing me that note made me smile; and my heart skipped a beat knowing I’d be back home in less than an hour. To my home. To mine and Jacob’s home. And I’ll finally be with Jacob. I haven’t seen him in a year because I’ve been in Iraq, but I’ll finally get to see him after so long!

After my plane landed, I literally ran, not walked, but ran. As I was sprinting with my luggage in my hands, I was scanning the crowd of people in the airport, searching for my boyfriend of four years. A few minutes passed and I caught a glimpse of a tall, broad shouldered man with red hair that towered over most of the people in the airport. I grinned happily as I instantly recognized who it was and immediately made my way to him. His back was turned to me, his army uniform easily recognizable; he wore it proudly and often.

I tapped him on his back and he swiftly turned around on high alert, not liking all these people in here. His ocean blue eyes lit up when he noticed it was me and snaked his strong arms around me, resulting in me dropping my luggage. But I didn’t care. The smell of him made me melt in his embrace. He always smelled like a combination of nature, sweat, mint, and mahogany; I could never forget that smell. And it would forevermore be my favorite scent in the world.

“God, you have no idea how much I missed you.” I spoke up first, my head laid in the crook of his neck, still inhaling his scent. “I read your letter multiple times a day, Jacob. I really did. And every time I read it, I always heard your voice saying it in my mind… It’s one of the only things that comforted me this year. Well other than a friend I made, but nothing compares to your letter.”

Jacob chuckled, his beard tickling my ear, “I’m glad to hear that… Now, let’s go on home.”

Once he put my luggage in the back of his truck and we both got in the vehicle, we were on our way home. The radio played lowly as the A/C was blasting. It was a relief from the hot summer heat.

Jacob tapped the steering wheel with his fingers, “So… You gonna tell me any of your stories? Since you know all of mine.”

I snickered, “Yeah.” Thinking back to all the good and bad memories I’ve had over the past year. “The one friend I made— his name is Cameron Lewis. Cam for short. Well, he kept me sane… He helped me through my nightmares, and I helped him through his. Of course, we didn’t tell anybody, ya know… We had each other’s back the whole time. A true friend… I’ll never forget him. And ya know, he kind of reminded me of you, Jake. Tough on the outside, soft on the inside.”

“Pfft.” Jacob scoffed, rolling his eyes seriously. “I am not soft. What the hell, Rylee?”

“Yes. Yes, you are. You’re my big ole teddy bear.”

Jacob grunted in response. “I guess.”

[teaveetamer]

I was always under the impression that when Edelgard saw TWSID's desire to play with/understand Crests above all else and use their power, even at the expense of others' lives/well-being, she thought that they wouldn't have HAD this desire/motivation if it wasn't for the Crest system and the church. When it's the opposite: Seiros established Adrestia & the Church to protect her family from TWSID. I... didn't realize people thought the dismantling the Crest system would actually solve things???

More than anything I'm mildly surprised at how defensive the hardcore "Edelstans" are. What is so wrong with a little girl that has C-PTSD, little to no support system, and is surrounded by liars and abusers, growing up to stubbornly hold onto the narrative she made to keep herself sane (it's not the abusers' fault, it's the people who made Crest important in the first place) and tear down the thing she believes ruined the world once she finds herself in a position of power? Can we not have a...

... a fucked-up person be a character in a video game? Do we seriously have to claim that "their actions were morally right all along" in order to justify liking her? I love Edelgard dearly. She's a sympathetic AND pathetic mess to me. But she done fucked up on several accounts. Is there a reason? Yeah. Are they GOOD reasons? Hell no. Maybe don't stick to the rough plan you made as a kid to kill "all the bad guys" and instead update things as new information presents itself. I'm floored that...

... that people validate her. I've never been more glad to see that I've successfully stayed away from toxic people/mindsets in a fandom. Also, seeing the game as the battle of ideologies and not ignorant people is just... wow. Do people really believe that? Apparently they do. Anyway, your blog gave me something to chew on; thank you for that.

I'll admit I can be biased against Rhea... because 1) suppressing information/re-writing history & intentionally keeping the population in the dark, and b) borderline fake religion that is based on biased accounts of who this deity was, (mostly from Mom-Issue-Rhea.) I saw her as "worse" than Edelgard 'cause Edie being so misinformed in the first place was definitely on Rhea. For Edie, information was either from the church (wrong) and not (correct). If you want ppl to trust you, don't lie at all

Sorry for the messy rant but point being, I might have to reconsider some things about both of these characters. At then end of the day, all I wish for is these characters to get a happy ending in fan works, where they can NOT be paranoid, distrustful, ignorant idiots. I know they're not real, but... they deserve it. (Can't believe I found this blog surfing the Dedue tag D: )

@emblemxeno this was originally intended for you, apparently!

But yeah I think I can speak for all of us when I say... those people do exist, and when we bitch about terrible Edelgard takes it's usually almost exclusively them we're talking about. I guess those types exist in every fandom, but yeah. Super toxic. I'm glad you managed to evade them too, and hope you continue doing so!

I do like to see people re-evaluating their opinions on Rhea. While I won't say she didn't do anything morally dubious, I think she had a lot of very solid reasoning for what she did. Lying about crests was the only thing standing between her remaining family and becoming a bunch of bone clubs for greedy humans. Not to mention, her lies saved the Ten Elites' children and grandchildren (because by the time Rhea defeated them they'd already had children and even grandchildren) from a genocide, because the only way to remove crests from humanity is to completely wipe out all humans that have them.

Whether you think it's morally acceptable to change history to evade a tragedy is up to you, but I think Rhea deserves fair consideration. It's not as if she did these things maliciously. And Edelgard was lied to by a lot of people, including TWSITD (and they have a vested interest in making her hate Rhea's guts, remember).

[ubyr-babaj]

that moment when you develop c-ptsd from your time in the psychiatric system and when you try to write about it using your blorbo people go: “It’s too bleak and creepy” and “you shouldn’t project your experiences on this character, because it’s not in the book!”

like... idk kinda makes you feel tainted, you know? like your sexual trauma, clinical depression and anti-psych views are too much and if you can’t project on upper-class sane characters you’re not invited to the party?

more on that later

[wingsfreedom]

The only way I'll enjoy Azula being a villain again is Azula leading the Fire Nation revolution against Zuko's rule and the Gaang efforts for harmony by fighting to keep the colonies and protect the former regime from falling. And probably, trying to unleash the cataclysmic firebender from his cage by searching for a way to restore his bending, which would be a chance to explore world-building (just like I read in various fan-takes).

That shit I'll watch and love it.

But it has conditions:

Keep her sane to avoid ableist tropes all together (as far as I know, Azula only suffered from a single psychotic episode, and it's not permanent). It's not cool for mental illness to be the source of villainy and action, besides of only creating an annoying, boring villain, this would be damaging for ATLA rep and storytelling if you go down with Hollywood ableist tropes. (You have the comics to comprehend why this trope is not only ableist but also failure)

If you would write Azula still struggling with the aftermath of what she went through, handle it mindfully and with empathy. In good hands in my opinion, she would likely only suffer from something like ptsd or c-ptsd.

[ballerinaroy]

Can you write something about Hermione having a birth trauma? Like she learns that she is pregnant with Hugo but can’t be happy about it in the first place because with Rose she had an emergency c-section after almost 2 days of labour and is beyond traumatized? And Ron keeping her sane and encouraging her that everything will turn out to be ok this time? I have a birth trauma myself and it was horrible.

Hey! Sorry this took so long. Looking for the right inspiration. You might also be interested in my fic:  after everything we went through it doesn’t feel fair to be so happy. It features a PTSD ridden Hermione pregnant with Rose but it’s along the same vein. Hope you enjoy!

She should have expected this. It wasn’t like last time around. They’d been trying. Rose had turned one and a half and they’d wanted their kids to be close and…she should have been expecting this. But as Hermione sat on the public toilet, staring down at the muggle pregnancy test clutched in her hand, Hermione discovered she had never felt more unprepared.

*~*~*

“Everything alright?”

“What?” she asked, looking up, surprised to find Ron standing before her, their daughter in his arms.

“I called your name,” Ron explained, setting Rose down who promptly toddled over to her. “You looked deep in thought.”

“Oh,” she said, avoiding his eye to pick up Rose, greeting her with a smile and a kiss. “I didn’t hear you.”

Ron chuckled,  “You’ve been doing that more you know, big project at work?”

“Something like that,” she said, shaking the fog from her head. “Sorry, I didn’t realize how late it’d gotten, I didn’t pull out, well there’s pasta anyway.”

“Don’t worry, mum sent home soup,” Ron said, pulling out a large container from Rose’s bag. “She still thinks we can’t feed ourselves.”

“She’s not wrong,” Hermione said.

“Yes, but I’m not going to be the one to tell her,” Ron said, dumping the container into a pot to warm it. “Is there any bread left?”

*~*~*

The routine of dinner and putting Rose to bed had pushed the news from her mind.

Hermione lay in the dark, unable to sleep. Her brain spun the words again and again. Pregnant. Inside her, a life was growing. It was what they wanted. She loved being a mother, had loved carrying Rose. Hermione hadn’t believed Ginny or Angelina a minute when they’d spoken about the wonder of growing a life inside you until it had happened and found they had under hyped the process of having a baby.

So why did the thought of having another threaten to choke her? Lying there, she was hard-pressed to remember why they’d wanted to have another. And why she’d volunteered to carry their next. Hermione ran her hand over her stomach, the scars atop it almost faded and now-

Oh. Of course.

*~*~*

Hermione looked up as someone knocked on her door.

“Lunch?” Ginny asked.

Hermione nodded, waving her in. “I didn’t know you were here today.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be, but Harry begged me and then stood me up.” Ginny explained, sitting herself carefully in one of the chairs. “But I’d already arranged a sitter so you were my second stop.”

“What, was Percy busy too?” Hermione teased, finishing her thought and looking over her desk to make sure everything that needed to be done was.

“Believe it or not he told me he has a lunch date.” Ginny said and Hermione frowned. “I ran into him in the lift. And his ears got awfully red when he told me so we’ll need to talk about that.”

“I’ll ask Margert,” Hermione said, nodding towards her assistant. “She knows more about what goes on in this Ministry than I did.”

“I always liked Margret,” Ginny said appreciatively, lifting herself up from the chair with some difficulty.

“Is everything okay?” Hermione asked, concerned.

“What?” Ginny asked.

“Did you hurt your back?”

“Oh, no, er-“ she looked mischievous and Hermione knew she was holding onto a secret. “Come on, let's go.”

“Alright,” Hermione said, putting on her cloak.

“So?” Hermione asked once they were seated and their orders taken. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Ginny waved it away, “Just some back pain.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Hermione said, “I seem to remember you fracturing your clavicle and still finishing out a match.”

“That was a championship game,” Ginny said. “Besides, it was also five years ago and no kids.”

But Hermione didn’t give up, staring at her.

“Oh, alright, but you can’t tell anyone, Harry has this whole plan which I think is ridiculous for a third.”

“A third?” Hermione asked, her eyes darting down to Ginny’s stomach as her own churned.

Ginny grinned, bringing one finger up to her mouth. “Mum’s the word.”

Their order arrived and Hermione was given a moment to reflect as the waiter set down their food and bustled off.

“Thank god, I was starving. I know it’s too early but I know this one’s a boy the way it eats.”

“Last time you knew it wasn’t because you were always throwing up,” Hermione commented.

“Well I was right,” Ginny said, popping a chip into her mouth. “Anyway, what about you?”

Hermione didn’t say anything, hoping to avoid the question by pretending not to hear it.

“No luck?” Ginny asked knowingly.

“Well,” Hermione shrugged.

“Well? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, it’s just so soon, isn’t it? Rose isn’t even two and it’s just so soon.” Hermione babbled.

“Well, sure, I just thought you were considering it,” Ginny said casually.

Suddenly the food in front of her didn’t look very appetizing. She brought a hand to rest over her stomach on instinct and then snatched it away, gripping the wooden bench.

“Hermione?”

“It’s just so soon,” Hermione repeated. “It’s too soon, I’m not ready to go through that again.”

“Yeah, of course,” Ginny said. “You had a rough go of it. I’m not trying to-“

“I don’t want to give birth,” Hermione whispered, looking up at last and was alarmed to find her vision wet. “I can’t go through that again.”

Hurridly, Ginny stood, coming over to her side of the booth and rubbing Hermione’s arms.

“Hermione that was,” Ginny said helplessly. “Have you talked to the healer?”

She nodded. “They said it was an abnormality but it happened. They didn’t catch it until it was too late and even if they monitor me, what’s to say it won’t happen again?”

Ginny didn’t have anything to offer and Hermione felt herself on the verge of breaking down.

“I don’t want it to happen again.”

“I know,” she whispered and looked deep in thought. “Let’s go see them.”

“What?” Hermione asked. “Now? I don’t have an-“

“Hermione, and you’ll never hear these words out of my mouth again, they’ll make time for Harry Potter’s wife.” Ginny made a gagging noise. “Oh, I hated that.”

Hermione let out a helpless laugh.

“I swear I’m washing my mouth out with soap when I get home,” Ginny said, shuddering. “Now come on, let’s see what they have to say.”

*~*~*

The calming drought had helped to ease her thinking long enough to actually listen to what the Healers had to say. Before, with Rose needing to be watched and the trauma of being awake for three days, she’d barely processed what the maternity healer had told her. But sitting in the room, Ginny there to ask questions and hold her hand, Hermione’s worries had been lifted if only a little.

“She down?” Hermione asked as Ron came back into their front room.

He nodded, sinking down onto the sofa beside her and giving her a smile. “For now, I waited until the big screams stopped.”

Hermione bent over, kissing his cheek and he blinked sleepily at her. “I’m about to turn in myself, are you staying up?”

“Actually there’s something I want to talk with you about,” Hermione said, setting her book aside.

“Oh?” he asked, lifting up his head. “Everything alright.”

Hermione nodded. “I went to St. Mongo’s today.”

“Hermione-“

“About a week ago I was feeling run down and I realized I was a week late,” Hermione said. “So I took a test and-“

“Oh,” Ron said, his eyes darting to her stomach, and then he sat up straighter. “Hermione, are you-?”

She nodded, letting out a nervous breath.

“Wait, so, why’d you-is everything?”

“Everything’s fine,” Hermione said, taking his hand and laying it over her abdomen. “I didn’t tell you, about last week, because I was frightened. After Rose’s birth, I-I didn’t think it would affect me as much as it did but staring down at that test I was terrified.”

“What did the healer say?” Ron asked, terror on his face.

“That they were going to monitor me and as we get closer to my due date I might have to go in for observation but there is no reason why anything should happen again,” Hermione assured him. He let out a long breath, his hand sliding around to her back and he pulled her close. “I’m sorry I didn’t-“

“No, Hermione I, you’re okay?”

“I’m better,” Hermione said with a nod. “I mean, I’m still worried of course but-“

He pressed his lips against her cheek and she felt a calming wave rush over her. She closed her eyes, throwing an arm over his shoulder and the last of the tension drained from her.

“You wanna talk about it?” Ron murmured.

“Can it wait until tomorrow?” Hermione asked. “I just want-“

She just wanted to have him hold her while she drifted off.

“Yeah,” he said, pressing his lips to her cheek in another long kiss. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been sleeping, come-on, if you’re anything like your daughter a good bedtime story should do the trick.”

[sparkie96]

Nivannedy One-Shot (LeonxPiers Post RE6)

For @hellishgoat / @lovelyleons. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!🎉🎉🎉 ________________________________________________

Piers sat in Leon’s hoodie on the couch, staring at the television as it replayed the news from months ago. The chaos from Edonia, and then Tall Oaks and China. The scenes played out on the screen, but they didn’t show much. Not like his memories did. He remembered everything crystal clear. His memory wasn’t cut and edited. He could still hear the screams of the citizens and his teammates in both Edonia and China. He could still smell gunpowder, the smell of fire burning down buildings all around him and the smell of rotting flesh. He could still see the monsters…

...and at one point...he would have believed himself to be one...until now. 

He had been moved from the Asian Branch of the BSAA to America so he could be treated with the C-Virus Vaccine. It had been the “trial vaccines” so he had to take them in small doses and go through treatments and therapy to get back in shape. Physically and mentally. 

Leon Kennedy had been nice enough to let him stay with him. 

Piers absentmindedly flexed his right hand, watching as it mutated back and forth from a normal arm to the mutated mass of bones and exposed muscle tissue limb he had in the underwater oilfield. While he did so, electricity coursed through his arm, the veins and arteries glowing blue, white and light purple underneath of tanned flesh. When he managed to turn his arm back to “normal”, the skin was split in various places and the unsplit areas were marred with the fractal patterns of what looked like lightning. 

He no longer had manic episodes and felt more in control of the virus instead of the other way around. The treatments at the DSO were a big help, but he still had a long way to go. Though, he did still have panic attacks and moments of PTSD, but luckily Leon was there to comfort him and vice versa. He was on leave due to his recovery, but once he was fully cured, and fitted with a prosthetic for when they inevitably had to cut off his arm, he had a job at the BSAA waiting for him. 

“Hey, you’re getting pretty good at that.” Leon observed as Piers changed his hand to and fro, the sniper freezing mid transformation. 

The agent dropped his keys in the bowl on the table by the front door, setting down his jacket as he kicked the door closed behind him. Piers turned his arm back to normal before changing the channel to some reality show. He then muted it, turning his full attention to Leon, glancing at the clock while he was at it. 

“You’re home early.” 

Leon smiled, nodding in confirmation, “I am...because I think we should celebrate.” 

Piers raised the brow above his good eye, “Celebrate...what?” 

“You’ve been here and recovering for five months…” Leon began, not kicking off his boots, “And it’s our one month anniversary of being together. Officially.” 

Piers gave a small “Oh!” of realization, smiling a small smile up at the agent as Leon sauntered over. He leaned over the back of the couch, leaning down and kissing Piers. Leon only pulled away to nuzzle his nose against Piers’s with a chuckle. Piers chuckled in return, scooting over so Leon could hop over the back of the couch to sit next to him. 

“So, how do you want to celebrate?” Piers asked curiously, “Pizza? Movie Night?” 

“Actually…” Leon began, “I was thinking...there’s a fair downtown…” 

Piers’s smile faltered, “Oh...we’re going out?” 

Leon held up his hands, “If you’re up to it. We don’t have to...just thought maybe...you wanted to get out of the apartment and go somewhere that wasn’t the lab at HQ...or the late night walks at almost two in the morning.” 

Piers sat back in his seat, taking a deep breath as he contemplated it. He looked to Leon, who waited with baited breath. Although the thought of going out during the day, around people, still made him anxious. Why? Because, well, he only left the apartment when he absolutely needed to and he wasn’t one hundred percent normal yet. Or when he needed some air, but that was usually at night. 

On the other hand, he was going to have to leave the apartment eventually. He couldn’t hide in here forever. He was going to have to go outside during the day for more than just appointments. Leon had offered to take him out before but Piers thought he hadn’t been ready. 

Maybe he would make the leap this time. 

Piers smiled and nodded, “Alright. I’m game.” 

Leon beamed, hopping off of the couch and standing before him, holding his hands out in offering. Piers chuckled and shook his head at his boyfriend’s silliness, accepting the offered hands before being taken to the bedroom to get “dolled up” as Leon put it. ______________________________________________ “WINNER!” The vendor hollered as the stuffed cow reached the top before the others. “Nice shooting, Tex!” Leon congratulated as Piers’s section lit up, the sniper pulling away from his water gun with a grin. 

The Vendor picked up the stuffed lion Piers pointed to, handing it to the man. Piers accepted it before handing it off to Leon, who looked surprised. They had played a number of games and ate some fair food, but Piers and Leon didn’t accept the prizes, giving them away to some of the other attendees. 

“For me?” He asked over the sounds all around them. 

Piers nodded, “Of course. A Lion for a Lion.” 

Leon chuckled, “I keep forgetting that’s where my name originated from. But, thanks, Handsome.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Piers said, wrapping his good arm around Leon’s waist as they wandered over to another game, “Where to next?” 

They were wandering around the fairgrounds, Piers having to stop a couple of times to regain his bearings and Leon talking him through it so he didn’t become overwhelmed by the sights, smells and sounds. Truth be told, it was also the first time in a while Leon had been out and about to somewhere that wasn’t work, the lab in HQ and the occasional trip to the grocery store or for a take-out trip. He didn’t frequent the bar as much as he wanted to for fear of making Piers think that he was the reason for that trip. Nor did he want to abandon Piers. 

So, after a while, he began talking with Piers and attending therapy as well. He still had a while to go himself in that department, but with Piers at his side...he felt...lighter. Like he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world. 

“How about a change of pace?” Leon asked, pointing to the Ferris Wheel, “Maybe a nice relaxing Ferris Wheel ride?” 

Piers looked to the Ferris Wheel with a contemplative look, “Is it safe?” 

Leon chuckled, “It should be.” 

Piers chuckled as well as they went over to wait in line. They handed the operator their tickets before climbing into the car. Piers let Leon in first, Leon sitting the giant stuffed lion next to him so that he was between Piers and the stuffed animal. They waited for the ride to start, the two glancing at one another before quickly looking away, smiling like idiots and blushing pink. The ride began to move, their cart moving upward and then backward, going around in a slow but smoothing circle while music played on the speaker in their cart. 

Piers stretched out his arms, slyly sitting the right one behind Leon’s head. At least that was the intention...until the veins started glowing underneath the skin. He quickly pulled away, taking a quick breath to calm himself before shoving his hands in his pocket. 

“So...does this count as a first date?” Piers asked with a clear of his throat, “Since I never officially asked you out and we never went anywhere?” 

“No.” Leon replied with a smile, “But I think it’s still as special as all the Take-Out and Movie nights. And we did go on walks together.” 

“True.” Piers said, peeking down at his hand, relieved that it was no longer glowing, watching the skin meld back together, “But this one must be more memorable and special?” 

The cart jolted to a stop, spooking them both. Piers cursed as he momentarily lost his concentration, grunting as his hand almost transformed. Leon had noticed this time, gently taking the younger man’s hand in his own. Piers sighed another sigh of relief, regaining his composure as his hand stopped transforming once more, looking from it to Leon. 

“Every day with you is memorable and special.” Leon admitted with a smile, “I know it sounds cheesy…” 

Piers shook his head as he smiled, “No...it’s not cheesy at all...because I feel the same way. You keep me sane and I feel safe with you…” 

Leon listened as Piers professed his feelings to the agent. Piers explained that since Leon had brought him over to America from the Asian Branch of the BSAA, he felt like he could trust Leon always. When he suffered nightmares and episodes of PTSD, Leon was there to help talk him down, even when Piers almost lost control and attacked him. He was supportive of him through recovery and his treatments, attending his appointments as moral support. Leon was the only one who didn’t treat him oddly. He was patient and kind. 

“You’ve done more for me than I can ever repay you.” Piers admitted, getting a bit teary-eyed, “I owe you my life.” 

Leon was a bit teary-eyed himself, smiling, “You don’t owe me anything.” Leon informed him, “Because you keep me sane too...and I love you.” 

Piers watched him before leaning in, Leon meeting him halfway for a sweet and chaste kiss. They only parted when the ride began to move again, but even then, Leon nuzzled his forehead and nose against Piers’s, leaning his head against Piers’s. 

They handed the operator two more tickets, deciding to ride once more.

“I love you too, Leon.” Piers replied. 

“I know.” Leon said with a teasing smile, chuckling when the younger nudged him playfully.