#ACAB!Billy Batson

[hijinxinprogress]

I need Billy thinking he’s so great at hiding things (and he is) no one knows he’s like fucking eight but they are pretty sure he hates like half the league

Like I need Billy getting along with everyone but he’s kinda stiff around flash and Batman but it’s get worse after most of them have revealed their secret ids and the jls so confused

Billy 100% thought Batman had all these fucking gadgets bc he was like some high up government official and then he found out no Batman’s just some rich guy and he’s like god no why is that worse

Batman just doesn’t care (he does 💀 he’s so fucking offended esp bc Marvel used to call him Mr. Batman sir but also bc he thought it’d be easier to get marvels secret id and weaknesses) as long as it doesn’t affect missions but Flash is kinda concerned bc ‘I’m pretty nice to him…does he think I don’t like him?? Did I offend him?? Do speedsters like set off the magic balance or whatever??’ 

They decide to pair up flash, Batman, and Captain Marvel to make sure their issues won’t affect team cohesion so after they’re done rescuing these kids that got involved in some supervillains masterplan Batman and flash are doing the usual spiel of ‘the laws exist for a reason,’ ‘you can trust the police’ and ‘there’s no good reason to turn to crime’

These kids want nothing to do with that shit and they’re trying to edge away while making excuses ‘thank you sm!! But no this is so safe, I know this area so well! We can get home ourselves!’ as soon as Batman starts asking about their parents so captain marvel just grabs Batman and flash and starts flying in the opposite direction ‘do you see that?? No guys seriously look at this cool thing!!’ and Batman’s growling about ‘childish to a degree that’s entirely unprofessional’ and ‘needlessly endangering civilians, civilian children at that-!’ and flash is trying to mediate but batman is shoving documents in his face ‘They were runaways, they don’t have anywhere to go and now they’re on a hitlist’ the ‘you fucking imbecile’ goes unsaid but they all hear it so marvel takes them back to villains lair and grabs a henchman at random and goes ‘This guys a cop…you can check that with your fancy equipment, right??’ and batman checks solely to prove him wrong but that guy is a cop and so are about 60% of the henchmen they took out then marvel goes ‘So they wouldn’t have been safe even if you took them to a hospital or child services’

Before the id reveals there’s a mission where the police are involved and flash mentions something about police protocol and marvel is so concerned bc ‘you’re still undercover? How long have you been under cover dude??’ and flash is confused bc ‘you know I’m not undercover right?? That is my actual real life day job’ and no one believes him when he says marvel shot him the most disgusted look you can imagine and edged away from him 

Batman tries to hold a meeting to address how marvel deals with the police and it goes no where bc marvel is fucking menace and goes ‘don’t you do that too?? And technically I’m also a vigilante sooo’ and batman is scrambling to get the jls attention back like ‘marvel hits cops 62% percent harder than other criminals and is 43% less friendly when interacting with the police in any capacity’ but they don’t care bc they want to know why marvel considers himself a vigilante 

They start letting Marvel be the one to approach children and notice that he’s advising them on how to make food last longer and maintain good hygiene while taking care of themselves and a jl members like hey wtf?? and Marvel says some bullshit about how ‘he’s lived many lives and not all of them were charmed’ and it gets back to cyborg who starts a rumor that he was dracula bc he can’t believe marvel had the balls to look WW in the eyes and lie to her fucking face

[fawcetttweets]

Please do NOT stop the pig migration storyline! I am invested in it now 😂

Things are heating up… I’m a bit rusty on my knowledge about the whole ACAB thing because my memory sucks and I can barely retain thoughts for more than few minutes but I’m gonna try my best! I’ll try not to get too serious or upsetting but some JL members are, were, or work closely with cops and won’t really agree right away. They’re gonna have some off screen and on screen talks about it and be forced to do research into it! Forcibly Acabing my blorbos. Shooting them straight in the face with my woke-beam.

THE NEXT LINES ARE NON CANON:

Batman: this is going to be a PR nightmare

Marvel: The only PR I care about is Police Reform. Or preferably, abolishment.

Nightwing: so you hate me?

Marvel: Oh! I didn’t know you were a cop, sorry!

Nightwing: Oh thank god, I thought you’d want to stop being friends with me.

Marvel: oh, I do. I meant that I’m sorry for ever treating you like a friend and stringing you along, not for the whole ACAB thing. You’re A C which also means your A B :)

Nightwing: D:

Non canon because that’s too mean for my sweet baby boy (at least in Marvel form) and Nightwing isn’t a cop anymore.

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[avalon-of-babylon]

Cop!Dick is equal to Ric Grayson in my eyes. It's my dc version of "The first Punisher movie was the one with Thomas Jane". That shit didn't happen and as far as I'm concerned Dick's job is and always has been gymnastics coach.

The only reason I remembered it happened is because of a Billy Batson ACAB Twitter post I happened upon by @fawcetttweets , and a month from now, I will have purged it from my memory and be able to live in peace once more.

[wolfsbanesparks]

Hey, I just thought of, like, the singlest best Billy Batson hc I'll ever have so, here I go...

So, bc Billy grew up as poor, he would know what it's like to not know when your next meal would be, and even if odd jobs can get you some money to pay for one, it only goes so far. And also bc I love lil' Billy Batson with a longer-than-himself criminal record (of stealing from big corporation only) and a acab personality trait (I don't know how much I've seen Billy-steals-a-cop-car hc, but I dig it), mixed with a touch of feral Billy in it... *chef kiss*

So, all that, plus the hc that Persephone is like "(⁠●⁠♡⁠∀⁠♡⁠) a baby~!" at billy (I don't know where I've seen it before), and the fact that he would really feel like an hypocrite arresting some kid for stealing some basic necessities, like food or clothes, for themself when he probably did the same thing (probably to the same store) some time ago....

And so, came the idea to just grow it all himself,, like vegetables and fruits, and bc of magic (and HE'S magic, like the magic-est magic man around) he can grow more, faster, and also he's tight with Persephone (so she helps, like blessing him...?), and a hero, so who's really gonna stop him, right?

Like, I'd really like itty bitty billy, just breaking the economy(?)/capitalism(?) around food and basic necessities, bc let's be real, we all know that with the Wisdom of Salomon, he could probably pull off sewing some kids' clothes.

I'd just really love it if he, homeless, orphan, street rat Billy "I'm not 6 I'm 10" Batson, Champion of Magic, became the Protector of All Children (or something similar).

And also, if he had like some sort of ongoing truce with Poison Ivy, where when she is within Fawcett City, in Captain Marvel's domain, she isn't in Batman's reach anymore, as long as she Promise to help him grow his "little vegetable garden" (who's now like, decently Big).

'Cause I'm sure that billy "I lie to the JL for kicks but also bc I'm a kid with an adult body a word away" batson would be able to, not only weasel a Pact out of her (that would basically be sayin' "You are now my Slave" in small print, that would have her be in a do-or-die type of situation, with the 'do' part being "help me grow my plants", and the 'die' part being "you'll die horribly, and probably lose your soul too"), and also get a gigantic amount of respect, bc, like I said, he's tight with Persephone... the LITERAL Goddess of Spring, Grain, Nature and Destruction, and also the Queen of the Underworld, and Ivy grows plant so....

I'd just really like something like that in a fic, but I can't write, nor keep to a schedule (or even get it from start to finish with something on the middle) so... I just want this Billy Batson hc to be out there

Thx for listening (reading?) 😁👍

I love the idea of Billy getting fed up with capitalism and providing for both himself and his community. And I also love the headcanon that various gods and goddesses adore Billy (including Persephone of course). Mixing those ideas together is awesome! I can just imagine him having a few secret vegetable gardens throughout the city that various homeless people and people who are low income/don't have food security could drop by and take what they need.

I think that if for whatever reason Poison Ivy found herself in Fawcett City, he wouldn't even need to trick her into some contract, she would just see his garden and be like "wow what kind of fertilizer are you using to get your tomatoes so big?" And then she would give him tips on how to grow different things even when he wasn’t getting divine help. She would also teach him about native and invasive species of plants so didn’t plant the wrong ones. Setting up secret gurellia gardens to turn the concrete landscape of a city's abandoned buildings into lush thriving environments is her jam.

This is an excellent headcanon!

[hijinxinprogress]

The JL keeps trying to stop Captain Marvel from talking to the media (and it’s not working)

The jl held a meeting about marvel’s conduct with cops bc he got a little too excited and suplexed a cop completely fucking forgetting he’s a 7ft buff ass man (the video goes viral for months) and the press is having a fucking field day with this bc ‘Captain Marvel Hates The Government!’ ‘Justice League Member, Captain Marvel, Shows His True Colors…?’ ‘Fawcett Superhero Attacks Civilian!’ ‘Captain Marvel Sends Police Officer to ICU!’ ‘Philadelphia Hero Puts Public Servant In Coma’ and shit like that is on the front page of every newspaper, magazine, and tabloid for the next eight months at least

so they’re like ‘hey you gotta say something! The people think you hate the us government esp the police!’ and he’s just sitting there confused before he says very slowly and clearly ‘But I do…I fucking despise them’

Barry and Hal are fucking losing it bc this is the guy that says ‘darn!’ in the heat of battle and has said on multiple occasions ‘Well, that’s not very nice, now is it?’ to opponents that destroy worlds for fun

like this guy still tries very hard not to make faces at the broccoli on his plate in front of the jl (and fails)

this guy hears a yj member or even the very adult titans cussing and going on the longest rant bc ‘I’ve not heard such foul language in all my years-!’ and what’s this ‘‘I’m an adult’ nonsense?? I’m older than Ravens grandfather 🤨 When you get to be my age-’

they’re all so pissed when they hear him cussing like a sailor playing video games on cyborgs phone the next day and he’s playing fucking temple run at that

[hijinxinprogress]

I need the jl to discover that Captain Marvel is a menace

Billy gets arrested as Captain Marvel and he’s just a smug menace the whole time despite being on comms with the league “Of course, I understand the seriousness of this situation! I will absolutely comply, I completely understand that you need the code…the code is 1-3-1-2. Also, I want my lawyer 😇” which gets leaked to the press both audio and visual which leads to the jl claiming that CM had been impersonated and their only evidence is the stupid ass grin on his face

The jl was investigating the misuse of a magical artifact and discovered that a group of police officers had joined a cult. Before they had the chance to gather the evidence proving those officers guilty but they’d already sealed away the artifact so Marvel suggested getting himself arrested to incriminate them and he was a little too happy about it

Let’s be honest, Billy only gets caught by the police bc he can commit to a bit and he’s pretending to be an ancient magic immortal so why would he run from a regular civilian human?? But on the inside Billy is dry heaving and sobbing bc he knows that the police could never catch him on his worst day even if he was personally broadcasting his location

Speaking of broadcasting isn’t Billy a fucking radio host?? I know he’s a fucking asshole during commercial breaks “This next commercial reminds me of a recent encounter with officer smith who got lost three blocks from his station” and it cuts to a fucking toilet paper commercial (people swear they heard him mutter ‘bc you’re absolute shit at your job’)

Sometimes people will call in to debate his views on the police and he’ll have a three hour philosophical debate but actual cops will call in to argue with him and Billy’s making your mom jokes and playing air horn noises or 2016 vines like a fucking child 

Billy probably gets caught when he graduates high school bc his yearbook quote is like marvels most well known quote “Captain Marvel coast city precinct, interrogation room 5 (Oct 14 XXXX) 3:37-4:31” billy added too much information and it gets flagged by the watchtowers security system so the jl has a meeting about the breach in security and Marvel’s like ‘yeaaahh, that was me mb’ and batman is making disapproving noises bc ‘this is serious, Marvel! high school graduate, William-’ he can’t finish bc Marvel’s gagging dramatically ‘Billy. It’s Billy ohmygod’

batman, on the verge of a breakdown: who is this kid?? Why does he know the time, date, and location of an undercover league operation??

Marvel, avoiding eye contact with Cyborg who helped picked out his outfit for the yearbook photo currently being projected: ahaha about that…

Cyborg, who distinctly remembers telling Billy not to do anything fucking stupid: 😐

(Vic has framed the picture of the ‘oh shit’ look on Billy’s face when superman lunges across the table damn near in hysterics)

[hijinxinprogress]

The JL finds out Captain Marvels identity and regrets it immensely

JL find out Captain Marvels a child and they start trying to parent him and just being awkward so it’s decided that Captain Marvel will join YJ (Clark started referring to Billy only as ‘son’ and ‘young man’ one time Billy saw an airplane and Clark leaned down and went “That there, son, is called an airplane and it-” “I’ll fucking stab you istg”)

To the public Captain Marvel is just extra supervision for YJ but the hero community knows it’s a way to discretely move Captain Marvel onto a team with people his age and be ‘safer’

But it doesn’t work out the way they want bc Billy’s a chaos gremlin much like YJ so they’re just doing dumb shit in the public eye bc they technically have ‘adult supervision’ (it takes Billy fifteen minutes to convince yj to go against being supervised by green lanterns)

“We’re literally your coworkers??” “I’ve literally never seen you before besides isn’t it illegal for cops to question a minor without their guardian present? 🤨” “Technically, he’s not their coworker bc he’s not in the jl anymore” “Kon” “What? I’m just saying!” “Stfu wait does Marvel even have a guardian??” “He doesn’t”

Anita and Billy are trading magic tips and teaching each other spells they should NOT have access to esp bc they’ve blown up thirteen city blocks and 1/4 of almost every planet they’ve visited with YJ

Cassie and Billy play high stakes games of catch above the earths atmosphere with missiles and shit in their free time and also during missions

Kon and Billy do just plain dumb shit they have no business doing and then playing up the ‘I’m just a baby…and I’m not even really human/I didn’t have a childhood so how would I know that I shouldn’t do that?’ excuse after bankrupting Luthor for the third time this month along with demolishing all of his newly renovated buildings (Which he and Greta repurposed to create low income housing and food pantries)

Cissie invites Marvel to all her Olympic events and he shows up to every single one with an obnoxiously large magical banner

Bart and Billy plan quips, one liners, and trash talk together and everyone hates it bc they only use the good ones on them but villains (along with everyone in their immediate vicinity) are subjected exclusively to shit like “nuh uh” and “make me”

Greta and Billy are taking down shady government operations with zero fucks to give (they had houses built for the people affected but they did also send a very long list of people to the hospital/morgue)

Billy makes Tim a magic skateboard that flies at like Mach 1 with so many magic cameras it’s concerning bc he thinks Tim being unhinged is funny especially it inconveniences or at least stresses out batman

But they’re mostly talking about what lies they’ve told the jl recently so they can plan their lies around each other “I lied to batman yesterday so you gotta back me up” and Tim’s fabricating evidence despite having no other information bc Billy will 100% “Aren’t you a so called ‘ethical’ billionaire? Nonono it’s whatever, I just thought you’d want to look out for the people but-”

And JL tries to lecture Billy about it ‘you should be more mature. I expected better’ and he’s just like ‘why?? I’m baby 🥺 I don’t know any better’ 

And Green Arrow’s so goddamn confused bc ‘Bro?? I’ve watched you do negotiations when Superman’s not available…’ ‘I’m just a little guy’ ‘I’VE WATCHED YOU STOP A WHOLE ASS INVASION IN TEN MINUTES’ ‘little baby man’ ‘But you’re one of the strongest members of the league???’ ‘You do know I couldn’t tie my own shoes like six years ago, right?’ ‘HOW OLD ARE YOU’ ‘Wouldn’t you like to know’

YJ and Billy just do a bunch of petty shit until JL has had enough and they’re like fine whatever it wasn’t a problem before