#ALL THAT NOSTALGIA BEEN UP ON A DOWNER

[manitapaleta]

**shoves their heads together** now kith 🤓

[elleloquently]

congrats on nearly graduating!! for a college!ellie request, could we have a classic friends to lovers and they confess to each other on one of the last nights of college?:)

[ been talkin' 'bout the way things change ]

| a/n : thank you so much aw )): i loved this so i wrote it asap hehe | c/w : swearing, drinking, elementary ed students caught a stray sorry love u guys

rivers and roads - ellie williams

you were never good with change.

it consumed all of you, a constant gnawing that overtook your entire body.

if you had to choose between having food poisoning or the ache of nostalgia, you would pick the food poisoning.

you hated change.

you hated the way that no matter what you did, or how strongly you felt.. when it came to change, you could never be in charge. you hated things being out of your hands, too.

sure, maybe you were a little neurotic. your friends poked fun at you for it, and you desperately wished that you could shake it off and move on, embracing the next thing with open arms.

the stomach ache caused by the impending reminder that soon all of this would be over had admittedly started months ago. you thought that maybe at least by the end, you would've had time to process and get a grip on things.

of course, you could never be so lucky.

that's why now, dina was practically screeching with laughter at the sight at you blinking away tears while sat at your favorite table in your favorite bar, a shitty rap song blaring in your ears.

"babe, this is entirely not situationally appropriate," dina laughed, squeezing your shoulder. her other hand held a shot glass.

"this is the last time we'll ever be here," you said, hoping that maybe if you got your feelings out loud, maybe the fucking pit in your stomach would let up a little.

"we could always come back," jesse offered, raising his hands in defense when you shot him a glare.

"we won't be in college anymore. it won't be the same," you said. you weren't the only person being a downer.

the entire bar was packed with upcoming graduates, friend groups crying and hugging in between dances and shots. there was a palpable feeling in the air, everyone could feel it.

"shut up. you're breaking my heart," dina said, wrapping her arm around your shoulders and squeezing as tight as she could. "do you want my shot?"

you shook your head, a genuine laugh leaving your throat. "that's all you," you denied.

you clutched harder onto your plastic cup, a vodka cranberry. ellie had made fun of you when you had ordered it.

"what is it, freshman year?" she had teased, to which you elbowed her side. you didn't admit it, but maybe the reason you had ordered it was because that was a little nostalgic, too.

where was ellie, anyway? it usually took a while to get drinks but she had been gone, what, twenty minutes?

you sat up straighter in your seat, sniffling. you squinted and scanned the crowd, finding it hard for your eyes to adjust to the dark due to the random flashes of laser lights throughout the bar.

finally, you found her.

ellie was at the bar, and you could see the drinks that everyone had ordered around her, so clearly she wasn't waiting on the bartender anymore.

you strained your neck and felt disappointed in yourself once you instantly deflated upon the sight of ellie talking to a girl. you tore your eyes away, heart skipping a beat as you downed the rest of your drink.

"i'll be right back," you called to jesse, who was trying to act nonchalant instead of flustered as dina pulled him to dance.

you squeezed your way through the crowd, sight trained on ellie the entire time. it was nearly impossible to make it to the bar counter, nobody wanted to risk giving up their spot.

"excuse me, jesus," you muttered, slipping through a group of oblivious frat guys taking up the entire walkway.

you didn't recognize the girl that ellie was talking to, not that it mattered. ellie was leaning lazily against the bar, shaking her head with a smile.

there it was again, that pang in your stomach.

"hey, sorry," you breezed, coming up next to ellie. she turned to you instantly, making room for you to stand next to her.

"sorry to interrupt, i just needed a drink and you-" your eyes glanced to the drinks that ellie was hoarding after she had offered to order them.

"shit, sorry."

you graciously accepted the refill as ellie's hand fell onto your back.

"you remember alison, right?" ellie asked, gesturing to the blonde stood in front of you. at ellie's words, your eyes widened.

"oh my god! no way! how are you?" relief washing over you as you broke out into a genuine grin.

alison, ellie's sophomore year roommate that happened to have a wonderful boyfriend.

"pretty great, actually," alison beamed, flashing a ring on her finger.

"no fucking way," you gushed, sharing a knowing look with ellie. "what did you study again?"

"elementary education," alison confirmed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

of course. go, alison!

you caught up for a few minutes before helping ellie carry the rest of the drinks to the table. you only halted for a second to roll your eyes in disgust as a guy squeezed your waist as a way to say excuse me.

"i won't miss that," you grumbled, to which ellie shook her head.

"can you believe the fucking rock on her finger?" ellie asked, sliding into her chair.

"leaving college engaged. can you believe that?" you shook your head, spotting jesse and dina from across the bar and realizing they most likely wouldn't be coming for their drinks right away.

"hey, a lot of people do it," ellie shrugged.

"i know, but.. still. i just can't imagine being in that place, you know? i still feel, so... like, little."

"ew. don't say that," ellie scolded, finally taking a sip of her beer.

"shut up, you know what i mean. i just feel like i'm in such a different place compared to like, ninety percent of everyone else. everyone's moving on and they've got their plans and i'm just.. i don't know. i feel stuck."

"you're really uplifting, did you know that?" ellie teased. you swatted at her, the pounding in your chest never subsiding.

out of everything, you would miss this the most. being with ellie, talking with ellie, seeing ellie. you couldn't even let yourself think about it or you would be sick. still though, you used the dark atmosphere to your advantage and studied her as much as you could. you hoped that you would never forget the specific green of her eyes, or the way her freckles danced across her features.

"i'm sure mostly everyone is faking it, anyway," ellie continued. "they're all a wreck, you can tell."

you nodded, tearing your eyes away from ellie and taking a drink. you really couldn't bear it.

"something so anticlimactic about literally graduating college and then just fucking... moving home," you sighed into your drink, chewing at your bottom lip.

"you won't be there forever. besides, you're coming to visit me, right? you've gotta experience a jackson summer. it is completely uneventful and yet, entirely comforting," ellie joked, raising an eyebrow.

you nodded in confirmation, the bass from the music vibrating in your chest.

jesus christ, what was wrong with you?

"truth or drink?" you asked, squaring your shoulders. "best and worst of college."

ellie thought for a second, her eyebrows pinching together. she took a drink anyway, clearing her throat when she thought of an answer.

"worst, that fucking frat party we went to sophomore year. it was not like the movies and i still do not forgive you and dina for dragging me along."

"i had to throw away my shoes," you remarked, faking a solemn tone.

"beeest," ellie dragged out the word, mulling it over in her mind. "that first warm day in the spring every year when we all skip class and do whatever. it's just.. good. and meeting you," ellie finished, taking another drink.

"shut up," you said, face warming. you followed suit and drank as well, your eyes darting away from ellie's face. "you're a liar."

"fuck you, it's true," ellie argued. "you know it's true."

you shook your head, staring down at the table and refusing to meet ellie's eyes. "you're my best, too," you said, hoping it was soft enough that ellie wouldn't hear it over the music, but she did.

"truth or drink, did you hook up with that guy from the club junior year?" ellie asked, completely deadpan.

you choked on your drink, forcing yourself to swallow it down before it came out in a surprised laugh. "what the fuck is wrong with you? obviously not, jesus."

"just asking," ellie stated innocently, raising her hands in defense.

"you're so gross," you complained, wrinkling your nose.

ellie chuckled, looking down with a shake of her head. she visibly relaxed, flicking the glass beer bottle with a plink.

"they're definitely not coming back for these, right?" ellie tilted her head in the direction of jesse and dina, drinks seemingly forgotten.

you laughed, your heart lurching.

god, you were going to miss them so much.

"maybe we can be nice and take them over?" you suggested, having to raise your voice now.

it must've hit a new hour, because the already loud music suddenly felt as though it was pounding through your eardrums. if you stretched your neck to the entrance, you could see the line of people out the door, waiting for wristbands.

ellie nodded once, standing and grabbing dina and jesse's drinks, along with her own.

you jabbed your phone into your pocket, along with a tube of lip gloss. ellie had your card and id, you refused to bring a bag to the bar so ellie was always tasked with stuffing your things into her wallet.

she never complained.

"you wanna get some air?" ellie shouted in your ear, yet you still barely heard her. you nodded in response, jerking your head to the back door.

on the way out, you passed the drinks to a very grateful dina and jesse.

you hadn't realized how humid it felt in the bar until you stepped outside.

you adored the patio. it was a little shabby, but you didn't mind.

string lights were woven overhead, a different vibe compared to the strobing lasers inside. there were a few potted plants, some patio furniture, and a centered, lit fireplace in the middle.

the music was still loud outside, but not as deafening as it was indoors. even so, your heart felt like it was thumping along with the beat.

it was still a little chilly in may, at night at least.

you sat on the cobbled ledge surrounding the fireplace, shadows of flames flickering around ellie's face.

"truth or drink. do you actually like this place, or do you just come here because it's our favorite?" you questioned, lifting your cup up to your lips.

"'ours' being?"

"me and dina, obviously."

ellie took a drink, wincing as your jaw dropped in surprise.

"ellie! you said you did like it!"

"the drinks are cheap," she shrugged.

"not cheap enough," you grumbled into your cup, earning a snort from the other girl.

you were torn between not wanting to meet her gaze, and staring at her as much as you could before you would no longer see each other everyday. the thought of it broke your fucking heart.

you only just met ellie practically a couple years ago, and you didn't want to imagine life without her.

it would be hollow, you thought.

"truth or drink, that time you said you didn't walk in on dina and jesse-"

"shut up," you hushed, taking your longest drink of the night so far.

"oh jesus christ," ellie mumbled. her horrified expression quickly turned into a grin once she saw your face.

the laughter that ensued made you wish so terribly that you could bottle it up and keep it in your pocket forever.

eventually the laughter teetered out, and a comfortable silence settled over the two of you. the music was loud, and you could hear shrieks of laughter and sounds of people singing along from inside.

you pushed out a sigh. your drink was nearly gone.

"are you leaving college with any regrets?" you asked suddenly, hugging your knees to your chest.

ellie looked at you for a moment, as if she were studying you. she had the faintest frown tugging down the corners of her lips. her cheeks were pink. maybe from the alcohol, or the heat from the fire, or the cold wind.

maybe all three.

ellie opened her mouth and then quickly closed it again, tearing her eyes away from you.

"probably," she said finally, taking a swig of beer.

"like what?" you pressed instantly, causing ellie to shake her head.

"it's not your turn anymore," ellie dismissed. "are you leaving college with any regrets?"

"of course," you answered simply. there were a million things that you could be referring to, but the only thing that you knew would always weigh on your mind was being in love with your best friend and not doing anything about it.

"like what?" ellie leaned in closer, as if you were going to reveal a secret.

"hey," you disapproved, but didn't truly mind. "i don't know, el. there's like, so much." you heaved a sigh, stretching your legs out before bending them in front of you, crossing one over the other.

"i love how specific you are," ellie stated, and you groaned into your hands.

you took a small sip before setting your cup on the ground next to you. "i don't know. maybe... i didn't really date, you know? i feel like everyone has these super funny hook up stories and i just.. i don't know."

"oh," ellie replied simply, twisting her fingers in her lap.

"i'm wording it wrong," you rushed, eyes scanning ellie's features. she laughed lightly, giving you grace.

"i guess i just held onto a crush for a long time," you finally admitted, bracing for impact. your fingers found plastic and you pulled it up to your lips, eyes shut while you waited for a response.

"you never told me this," ellie murmured simply, though it was nearly lost in the music.

"it's embarrassing." you spared her a sideways glance, and were caught off guard by the expression forming on her face.

it didn't look like she was going to tell a joke, or tease you about something stupid. ellie's eyes softened and she frowned, her eyebrows pinching together as she stared at her lap.

"that's fair. i get what you mean, anyway," ellie finally answered.

your heart twinged. you didn't really want to think about ellie liking anyone. the pit in your stomach finally wasn't from nostalgia, but jealousy.

"oh," was all that you could manage to say.

you both stayed silent, listening to the music that poured outside.

"i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," you finally baited, curiosity getting the best of you.

"you're crazy," ellie said with a dry laugh, tipping the bottle back once more.

"why is that crazy? you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me everything," you explained, trying not to be offended.

"not everything," ellie disagreed, with a tsk of her tongue.

you frowned. "come on. we're days away from not seeing each other again."

"don't say that," ellie warned. "i don't plan on like, ghosting you or whatever. so unless you do, don't say that."

"just tell me," you pleaded, scooting just the tiniest bit closer.

ellie finally met your gaze again and sucked in a breath, staring at you as if she were thinking something over. she looked unreal in the fire's glow.

jesus, even just now you could cry.

"you're being weird," you stated to deflect from your emotions. "it's not that big of a deal."

"i don't wanna fuck anything up," ellie stressed, causing a look of confusion to cross your face.

"how would that.. oh, my god! is it someone we know?" you asked, curiosity and jealousy and sadness tugging at your body and sending chills down your arms.

ellie stared blankly at you, watching you work through your never ending assumptions.

"alison? does it hurt to see her engaged?" you joked.

"you're really annoying," ellie deadpanned.

"is it... shit, ellie. is it dina?"

ellie coughed, eyes widening. "jesus, no! don't be stupid."

you sighed in defeat, tracing a finger around the rim of your cup. "i don't know anyone else that we know that you would like."

"i didn't say that we knew them."

"but you didn't deny it."

"go back inside," ellie told you flatly.

"rude," you scoffed. ellie held a straight face until she could tell by your face that you were still mentally making a list of suspects. a chuckle begrudgingly escaped her.

"i'm gonna miss you, you know," ellie said suddenly. it made your stomach drop, the casual yet earnestness of her tone.

tears threatened to spill over in your eyes again, and you didn't care about being laughed at for crying in the bar. you spared a glance at ellie, and she was looking at you again, trying to gage a reaction.

"fuck, ellie. i can't do this. seriously. maybe i can convince my professors to fail me and fail you and we'll be stuck here together again."

"it won't be that bad. you'll be alright," ellie said, firm yet soft.

"what's next, then?" you questioned, meeting ellie's eyes. you chewed on your bottom lip. you would not let a tear fall.

"well," ellie visibly hesitated, her eyes darting over your own. "we'll all move home but we'll still be frien-"

"best friends," you interjected.

"-best friends," ellie clarified. "you'll visit for the summer and then you'll go home and start a job and you'll be okay. we'll text but you'll still call me every single time you have a joke or story to tell me because i know, you can't waste something on a text without hearing my-"

"actual reactions," you finished with a whisper. ellie nodded.

"right," she continued. "inevitably jesse and dina will get married and we'll see each other at the wedding-"

"could you be my wedding date?"

"sure. and we'll all be best friends, just like always. we'll probably get a little too drunk at the wedding and since we always joke about it, we'll end up actually making out and-"

"ellie williams!" you exclaimed while hitting her arm, your face hot.

"my bad," ellie said, twisting her lips to hide a smile.

"you're not funny," you huffed, butterflies swirling in your stomach.

"i'm sorry," ellie apologized with a laugh. you nibbled at your bottom lip, transported back into thought.

"why won't you tell me about your crush?" you asked.

ellie sighed. "i already told you. don't wanna ruin anything."

you opened your mouth to speak, but you could've sworn the music got even louder.

"don't forget me?" you nearly pleaded, finding ellie's eyes.

"never," ellie reassured you, looking the most serious you had seen her all night. you felt the urge to shrink under her gaze, but you managed to hold your own.

"promise? i mean, what if once we're apart you just-"

"i wouldn't." ellie finished the rest of her beer, the glass clanking against the ground as she set it on the cobblestone.

"how can you be sure?" you were fighting for reassurance. too worried, too sentimental.

ellie stared at you for a long moment, completely silent. there was a small crease on her forehead as she watched you. she hesitated, like she was debating on something.

slowly, gently, ellie's hand was placed on your cheek. you didn't have even a second to process the action before ellie was gently pulling you forward, pressing her lips against your own.

it was sweet. careful. you felt ellie resist a laugh, probably due to the flavors of vodka and cranberry emitting from your mouth. you melted into the kiss and into her palm, the warmth of her skin pressing into your cheek.

after a few seconds, you pulled apart.

you didn't realize how tightly your eyes were screwed shut until you went to open them. you blinked, silence settling as the music comically blared around you.

"don't do that if you don't mean it," you choked out, even though the action was already done.

ellie blinked. she scanned your face once more before pulling you back in, attaching her lips to your own.

for once, you didn't overthink it. you just let it be. it felt right, like you should've been kissing ellie all along.

once you were separated, you smiled sadly. "me too," you muttered, only being able to think about how much time you wasted not being with ellie, because you were scared.

"well, shit," ellie mumbled, maybe the weight of the situation finally registered within her. "we graduate in three days."

"please shut up," you insisted with a groan.

"fuck, im sorry. look, do you wanna just be friends? i'm sure you'll move on and-"

"i don't wanna move on." you shook your head. "ellie, it's genuinely been years. i couldn't."

"me neither."

"then... what the fuck?" you asked, exasperated and giddy and devastated. your heart pounded.

"did you know that joel already thought that we were dating?" ellie quipped suddenly.

you laughed, a sound of surprise escaping you. "i'm sorry, what?"

ellie nodded, wincing at the painfully awkward memory. "when you visited during winter break. because you came a couple days before jesse and dina, maybe. he kept making these subtle little jokes like, dude, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"holy shit, is that why he cooked that huge dinner the first night?" you giggled, puzzle pieces rapidly forming together in your mind.

ellie blew out air from pursed lips, her silence answering your question. you laughed loud and hard until your sides hurt, ellie joining in once the embarrassment left her face.

you laughed as you clumsily pressed your lips together once more, the kiss teetered with giggles and smiles.

"oh god," you sighed, overcome with emotion. your cheeks burned and the bar was finally, finally playing a song that you actually liked.

you knew that you had to rejoin dina and jesse, and that the night would end eventually.

though now maybe you did have something to look forward to, a change that you would gladly welcome with opened arms.

"still best friends, right?" you asked, leaning close to ellie's ear and damn near shouting once you were back inside.

"obviously," ellie replied, squeezing your hand in her own.

[lizzie-is-here]

christmas event!

character: bucky x fem!reader

summary: december 16 tends to bring memories for a certain ex-winter soldier

warnings: violence, anxiety attack, trauma, bucky being sad, murder

a/n: was this requested? no. is it on my prompt list? no. but i wrote it on the plane and am literally posting it during my layover so lmao hope y’all enjoy 🫶🫶🫶

Christmas is one of your favorite times of the year. Something about the lights, the snow, and the nostalgia has you setting up decorations right after Halloween.

All credit to him, Bucky tries his best when it comes to Christmas. It’s fun, but it tends to bring back memories of Rebecca and his mom, as well as constant reminders of just how much everything has changed.

But he loves you, so he loves Christmas.

The challenge comes in the week before. It's late in the evening when he turns on the TV. He’s bored, and just wants you home.

You’re running around shopping for ribbon, since you realized last-minute that the ribbon you already had didn’t match your wrapping paper. Bucky doesn’t really get why it matters. He wrapped Sam and Steve’s gifts in trash bags this year.

The TV isn’t offering up much. Endless Hallmark movies that neither of you like and holiday baking shows that you both promised to only watch together.

His eyes almost slip over it.

December 16: the Mysterious Deaths of Howard and Maria Stark

Bucky can’t swallow the lump in his throat. The world knows nothing about his involvement, of course, but that doesn’t make it easier.

The guilt had been eating at him before you came along. You showed him that he didn’t have to be guilty, that he could live and grow. He never even planned to ask you out. Falling in love with you just came along with your friendship.

He knows you would advise against watching the documentary. But you aren’t here. And a little bit of curiosity wouldn’t hurt.

That notion is cured the moment he clicks on the channel. It’s a barely-censored crime scene photo, that, though grainy, is clear enough to see the blood all over the inside of the car.

Two bodies are slumped in their seats.

He can feel Maria fighting against his old arm as he choked her. The way Howard’s nose collapsed in on itself with a single punch. The serum in the trunk, the motorcycle he used to ride away.

Every detail is as clear as day. Each one opens new questions. The ones that Bucky falls asleep in your arms to avoid. The ones he doesn’t even want to think about around you, lest they somehow taint you.

But you aren’t here.

So he spirals.

———————————————————————

“Bucky? I’m back,” you call. You have so many boxes in your arms that you don’t spot him on the couch enveloped in some show.

You frown as you set the boxes on the counter. “Baby?”

No response. Until you peer around the makeshift tower.

“Hey, what’s going on?” you chuckle. “What’re you-“

“No one knows how the Starks died. But many believe that the flimsy cover-up of a car accident is hiding a much more sinister truth. Ms. Stark’s autopsy showed signs of severe bruising around the neck, as well as asphyxiation and a struggle. Some even claim that the Winter Soldier-“

You turn the show off.

“James. Are you okay?” The use of his real name startles him a bit.

“Yeah, I was just…” Bucky can’t offer an explanation. He takes a shaky breath. “Just browsing.”

Offering a sad smile and a weak laugh, you sit next to him. “Browsing the true crime channel?”

He shrugs. His eyes are still on the screen, as if he can see the gorey imagery.

You don’t push further. Instead, you take his hand, lead him to the kitchen, and you start making dinner together.

Bucky really tries to put up good conversation. Your night shouldn’t be a downer just because he chose to watch that stupid show. Yet, he can’t manage more than a few sentences.

You gently set a hand on his arm to grab a plate from behind him, and it just reminds his of how Maria Stark clawed at his metal one so desperately in her last moments.

A motorcycle passes by outside and he can practically see the long ride back to the HYDRA base.

Eventually, he gives up and falls silent.

It’s only later that night, when you’re laying in bed, that he speaks again.

The two of you are intertwined. It’s like Bucky’s convinced that, if he lets you go, he’ll fall right back into that spiral.

It’s heartbreaking. The way he clings to you.

You’ll always want to offer support, but it hurts to see him so consumed by this.

What he says hurts even more.

“I don’t think I’m a good person,” he whispers into your shoulder. His thoughts are too scrambled to hear the way you sniffle.

You pause, gathering yourself before responding.

“Well, I’ve known a lot of bad people,” you begin. “And I’d like to think I know you pretty well. There’s not much crossover there.”

“If you weren’t a good person, if you were ‘bad’, you wouldn’t be worrying about it. Sure, this guilt shouldn’t be on you. You didn’t have control. But it proves my point.”

“You’re not a bad person, Jamie. I promise.”

He can’t express how much it means to him. He’s relieved and still drowning in worry all at once. There’s one more thing.

“And what if you’re wrong?”

Pressing a kiss to his temple, you exhale softly.

“Then we can be bad people together.”

You both fall asleep like that, entwined in every way. Hiding from the world in each others’ arms as endless flurries cover the streets of Brooklyn.

But not before you grab your phone, and send a quick text to a certain Captain that still feels like he owes the brunet for his new suit.

And in the morning, that documentary is nowhere to be found.

[mo-ok]

Top 5 WORST sentais you’ve watched. or simply least favorite bc I know you’re more of a lover than a hater

OK SO these are simply the ones i think about the least since finishing them (i've enjoyed every season i've seen so far, but some just have less staying power in my brain than others)

OR the ones with the most "little annoyances"/characters i cared the least about/etc etc

So this is less of a "worst" list and simply more of a "i liked other things more" list 😂😂😭

5. Liveman - worst ending in the whole franchise. Absolute downer of a show. Two completely wasted rangers who really didnt need to be there/could have easily been made so much better. I would not recommend this show to someone unless i knew them very well and knew they'd get it. 10/10 i fucking love liveman but oh my god OH MY GOD.

4. Dairanger - very enjoyable episode to episode but really fumbled the bag in the second half imo. I love lots of aspects of this season, i love the characters (probably one of the only people in the whole world who doesnt hate Koh lmao), the suits and intro theme are some of my favourites in the whole franchise. But like... what actually happened in dairanger??? Daigo got a bird gf for a minute? Kemp hurt comfort episode???? We played baseball??????

3. King Ohger - i think i would have enjoyed kingoh a whole lot more if i was able to watch it at a faster pace. The general lack of longer fight scenes and robot fights started to weigh on me lmao, i didnt quite realise how important the robots were to me until kingoh took them away 😂😂 again, i enjoyed the show, but i havent thought about it much since it ended

2. Gaoranger - it was great fun and full on and i enjoyed it a lot, but boy howdy did it make me feel TIRED lmao. I watched this directly after watching Gingaman and was still very much in the Hyuuga trenches, which i dont think helped with Gao not sticking around in my mind. Also, didnt like the ending song (the theme song goes hard though, and Gaku remains a special boy in my special boy jar)

1. Kyoryuger - I remember really enjoying it and its characters, the bad guys were fun and the music goes hard. But there are a few factors that work together to sadly have it end up at the bottom of my sentai pile

- i find myself not really thinking about it AT ALL unless its right in front of me lmao.

- I have a lot of love and nostalgia tied to PR Dino Charge which kinda clouds most of my kyoryu memories

- tyler/shelby >>>>>> king/amy

- fav thing about kyoryu is Utchy and he wasnt even in the kingoh crossover eps wtf

- i think i have simply watched too much since watching Kyoryuger. I definitly am glad i watched it early on, cause i genuinly feel like i'd probably enjoy it less if i watched it now (i did however recently rewatch the Souji parents episode for the dynaman brain rot 10/10 junichi haruta my beloved)

[broken-clover]

damn ur last fic was so sad... good asf though... can you please say into this microphone that bedman and delilah will be together and happy and safe forever

Alright alright yall have broken me, I try to do edgy stuff with sad endings sometimes but I'm really such a massive softie with a weakness for happy endings and every time it takes so much willpower to not immediately do a happy ending followup (looking at you Starman) but I guess sometimes I am simply not tough enough for downer endings and that is just who I as a person.

So you earned yourself a special little treat this time, anon, a special edition Tumblr exclusive. Obsolescence gets an epilogue. Here's Nostalgia Machine.

(Obviously with the release of Delilah in Strive, this isn't canon-compliant, but neither was the first. Let's just operate under our own little canon situation)

-

“I’m the worst.”

“Aww, come on…” The words came out well-meaning, but half-hearted.

“See? You can’t even pretend like I’m wrong. I can’t believe I just…let this happen.”

“Hey, hey-” A comforting hand placed itself on her shoulder, flinching slightly as it started to shake. “C’mon, kiddo, don’t start cryin’.”

“I could have done something. I just left him, I j-j- ju-”

She was ushered to her feet. “You’re gonna give yourself a panic attack with the way you’re breathin’, let’s just go outside a minute.”

The fresh air evened her breathing, but her lip still trembled and her eyes remained wet.

“Little bit better, Delilah?”

“I don’t want to feel better.” She replied bitterly. “I don’t deserve to feel better. This is all my fault.”

“Well, it ain’t no use beating yourself up. Did’ja come all the way out here just to feel bad about yourself?”

“...”

“...Shit, ‘m sorry, that came out way harder than I meant.”

“...You still won’t tell me. How do you know my brother, Mr. Low?”

“Eh…long story. Important part’s that he ‘n I kinda had the same problem. Neither of us were much help to each other, but part ‘a me’s still glad we were able to talk. Kept taklin’ about you. Sounded like he cared about you a whole lot. Dammit, ‘m not helping, am I?

“No, I get it. And you’re right, just wallowing isn’t helping anything. Even if we grow up and end up going our separate ways, he’s still my brother…I can’t just leave him if I know he needs help.” She swallowed, gazing forlornly at the door. “Come on, let’s get you fixed.”

The two re-entered the small shed. Though the walls were deeply rusted and corners cobweb-ridden, it was entirely empty, aside from a jumble of strewn machine parts that occupied the far wall.

Axl heard the girl’s breathing shift, but she didn’t turn away again. She undid the straps on her pack and swung it around to deposit the contents on the ground. He hadn’t been much of a computer geek way back when, and he imagined things had only gotten more complicated. The best he could venture was some kind of screen that vaguely resembled a laptop, but for all he knew, it was for making bread.

“Which one ‘a these is the fancy toy you were tellin’ me about?”

“I didn’t bring it.” Delilah said. “It’s going to be shipped over. I wanted to make sure nothing would break in transit. Iris is helping me put the finishing touches on the current model. Right now we’re on the P5. Not perfect, but it’s built on a system that we can keep adding new features to as needed. The important part is just that there’s enough storage space to fit an entire consciousness in it without overloading the software.”

“Oh. What’s all this, then?”

“Covering the basics.” Delilah replied. “Repair equipment, spare power supplies, methods of communication. Translators are a pain in the ass, took me forever to make one that should be compatible with this system, but I did a ton of practice runs to make sure ahead of time that it’d work.”

Axl wasn’t sure how to help with the delicate electronics, so he chose to stand back and watch. He knew enough to tell that several of the machine’s parts were rusted to near-uselessness, and he was genuinely surprised when Delilah plugged some blocky-looking piece of machinery into an open port and it actually started to hum.

“I shouldn’t be surprised, but the battery is dead- dead.” She took another cable and connected it to something in the chassis. “It’ll be a little bit before it even has enough power to tell you it needs power.” After a few more keystrokes, Delilah sat back on her haunches and sighed. “I can’t guess when the last time was that it had any kind of maintenance.”

“It’ll get there. Just gonna take a bit.” Replied Axl. He tried to think of how to get her somewhat distracted. “So…that P5 you mentioned, how exactly are you gonna move him from this to that? Call me an idiot, but it doesn’t make much sense. Gonna take the head off this thing and slap it on?”

She didn’t reply at first. “More complicated than that. I’m taking his spirit out of this old heap and putting it into something new.”

His face must have shown his confusion obviously enough, because she continued talking as soon as she saw it. “Soul Grafting’s still a touchy legal mess, but I think someone in Illyria took my proposal and passed over the review process. I’ve heard most people wait years for a response, mine came out in a month. Any kind of magic that uses human souls requires a lot of approvals and equipment. I think Anji pulled some strings.”

“You think he’d do that? For something like this?”

He was left without a response again. This time, it stretched on and on, to the point where he wanted to ask, and then it became long enough that it felt too awkward to do so. They both merely waited in silence, unsubtly trying to not stare at the broken machine.

A little electronic ping finally broke the silence, bouncing off the shed walls. Delilah immediately jerked to attention, dragging the console back into her lap.

“‘s it working now?”

“Mmm.” Already too distracted to reply, she immediately threw herself into whatever work had to be done. Axl peered over her shoulder to watch. Windows popped open and flew by, covered in all kinds of symbols he couldn’t read. It finally settled on a blank box, one that quickly started to fill with strings of numbers.

“Wow.” He said. “I have no idea what any of this means.”

“Hold on, it’s set to binary right now. It’ll take a bit of time to switch modes, but I can read binary pretty well. Make sure the cable over there doesn’t unhook itself.”

“Now that, I can do.” It seemed better to give her some space, anyway. The wire in question hadn’t moved since she’d plugged it in, but he still kept an eye on it. “Figured out what the numbers are?”

“It’s…” She squinted. “Nothing. I thought there was some pattern I was missing, but it’s nothing. Only a stream of numbers and letters. Not a message. Completely incoherent.” He watched her adjust her glasses and squint. “The strings are definitely coming from the bed, it has enough power to send out a reply, but none of it follows any sense. None that I can see, anyway. He just isn’t responding. Is something broken?”

Axl knelt down, thumbing at the metal sphere lying in the dirt. “Sounds like something’s wrong. D’ya see anything busted?”

“No. That’s the part I’m confused about. They’re degraded, but all of the essentials still function well enough. This shouldn’t be a problem. Maybe the binary translation is the problem? Maybe I’m remembering my letters wrong…?”

“If it ain’t a problem with the machine, maybe it’s a problem with his head. How long’s he been alone in here?” The look on Delilah’s face immediately made him regret his words, but he continued anyway. “Don’t think the machine’s broken. I think he’s broken.”

She moved to get up. Axl grabbed her arm. “Nah, nah. Not a lost cause yet. ‘cause it means there’s still something there. Just gotta find it.”

He returned his attention to the machine. “Hey, little- uh, guess you’re a lot bigger now, huh? ‘Bedman,’ that’s whatcha called yourself. That’s who you are. You know that much, yeah?”

Silence. And then, a piston began to hiss. The broken remains of a pair of fingers twitched almost imperceptibly.

“Big guy? Delilah’s here, your sister’s here to help you. Dunno if you remember me, but you gotta remember her, right?”

What remained of an arm shuddered and then went still. A faint light started to shine from the pit of its eye socket. It flickered, almost like a blink, but it was impossible to tell if that was what it was meant to be, or if they were just projecting the idea. 

Delilah looked between the frame and her console. Her eyes widened just slightly. “H-hold on. It’s changed. It’s repeating now.” She held it up for him to see.

01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001 01001001

“What’s that mean?”

“It’s just an ‘I’. He’s just repeating the letter. I don’t know why, is it just some simple string it’s stuck on?”

“Hmm…” Axl pivoted on his knees again. “You hear me in there? ‘I.’ Y’know that much. Who’s ‘you,’ then?”

The eye flickered again, settling on a dim shine.

“Huh? Now it’s coming up different…”

01001001 01000001 01001101

01001001 01000001 01001101

01001001 01000001 01001101

01001001 01000001 01001101

“‘I-A-M’, it’s three letters in a row now. He’s…responding?” A hint of life came back into her voice. “He- you actually got a response? He’s talking to you?”

Axl grinned, giving it a friendly pat. “‘I am,’ ‘I am,’ now we’re getting somewhere. I know you can hear me. Lemme hear you. What do you wanna say?”

01001001 01000001 01001101 01000100 01000101 01000001 01000100 00001010

01001001 01000001 01001101 01000100 01000101 01000001 01000100 00001010

01001001 01000001 01001101 01000100 01000101 01000001 01000100 00001010

The girl suddenly faltered. Axl moved closer, but she turned the screen away from him.

“Delilah. Tell me what it says.”

“...’I AM DEAD.’”

“‘Dead?’” Axl parroted. “C’mon, that’s nonsense! You see Delilah here, right? She’s here, so how can you be dead?”

The bedposts shuddered. The fragmented remains of a hand stuttered across the dirt.

01001110 01001111 01010100 01010010 01000101 01000001 01001100

“‘NOT REAL.’”

“But- but she’s right here!”

Delilah shook her head. “It’s not changing. He’s just repeating those two lines over and over.”

“He thinks he’s dead. And he thinks you’re just something he imagined up…like he’s gone crazy enough he can pretend you’re here.”

He stood up and marched towards the exit. “Wh- wait, where are you going?!” Delilah said, reaching out for him. “Don’t leave me alone!”

“‘m not leaving, I’m making a point.” From his back pocket, Axl pulled out a sickle, twirled it, and sank the sharp end into the wall by the door. 

The screech of metal-on-rusted-metal sent her hands clapping over her ears. Delilah looked on in panicked confusion as the man hacked at the wall with reckless abandon. The weapon was not meant for cutting through something so solid, but the walls had rusted to the point where he could saw through with enough pressure. They tore clean through the door hinges and tossed the entire thing into the street, and jagged cuts widened the entrance until nearly the entire wall had been roughly disassembled and scattered along the ground.

“‘Course you can’t convince yourself, nothin’ but a wall to look at.” Axl said, panting from the exertion. “There’s a whole world out there. When’s the last time you got to see it?”

The sun made clouds of dust shine like summer snow. Trees on the other side of the path showed off their vibrant leaves with pride. Distant chatter from further downtown murmured in the wind. When he moved out of the way, Axl watched how the light fell on where Delilah sat, surrounding her in a radiant aura.

“See? There’s the sun, and the trees, and your sister’s right here. It’s all right there. All real.”

The top of the frame craned its neck towards the light. The rest of the body started to teeter as it moved further away

“Shh-shh-shh-” he gave the machine a gentle pat, doubling as a way to keep it from knocking itself over. “It’s alright, big guy. I’ve got you. ‘m not good at this whole ‘comfort’ thing, but I’m here. Delilah ‘n me, we’re here.”

It seemed to turn and face him. Slowly, cautiously, the metal sphere pushed against his hand. Axl let it settle against his arm and slide down into his lap. He pet it again in slow strokes

“See? Just me. You know me. I’ve got you. You’re gonna be alright.”

The bedframe gave a brassy warble. Something opaque and dark oozed from its one eye socket. 

Delilah practically threw aside her monitor to scramble over to her brother's side. She scooped up one of his broken hands and held it to her face, which had already become as wet as his. 

“Romeo…I’m so, so sorry…”

The three sat in tranquil silence. Abandoned on the ground, Delilah’s computer offered one more reply.

01001001 01000110 01001111 01010010 01000111 01001001 01010110 01000101 01011001 01001111 01010101

[mr-system-of-a-downer]

fuck all that nostalgia, been up on a downer

[kirric-the-fan]

Thought of the day: Did Toei pick the wrong season to start the otona precure with?

Theory: Precedent from original seasons set us up for disappointment with the way Y!5 otona precure panned out from the start.

And this is not talking about the character relationships or any of that.

Let me explain:

Context:

- Precure Yes!5 got an adult sequel season, for the first time in precure history. This also included Splash Star, and a visit from the original futari wa Max Heart trio in the final episodes, the three original precure teams. Going right back to their roots, the very start. All in all, it was big nostalgia bait. Nothing bad about that, but,

- The Yes!5 team was the main focus. By numbers, if nothing else. No questions about that either.

- As I mentioned before, there was a lot of nostalgia-bait, and it meant they included a lot of reused original transformation footage. Nothing wrong with that either. Sensible planning choice, good to sell all the old transformation items etc. I don't blame them. Might as well capitalise on it.

except...

- In all of precure history, there have only ever been two second seasons before otona precure kicked off. The first being Futari Wa Max Heart, and the second being Yes!5GoGo!

- The cures in both second seasons got outfit upgrades. The Yes!5 season got a change to transformation items too, perhaps, and somewhat subconsciously, setting a precedent, that new season=new transformations and items, even with the same characters.

Flash forward to the reveal of Power of hope precure full bloom, and we get a clear change in characters (they're adult now ofc they're going to change), and an opening (I think: I do need to check whether it was the op or ed that this was in as I can't remember off the top of my head) where the characters are seen catching timepieces that quite reasonably could be new transformation items.

Again, it could be subconsciously, but I think leading on from that, people were expecting new stuff in those other places like transformations and outfits. Or at least upgraded stuff. Which we obviously didn't get.

I don't think it was a bad thing, reusing original stuff as much as they did, I really don't, I just think that if they had done it with pretty much ANY other season first, even as a one-off, we wouldn't have noticed as much when it came to Full Bloom (and would have been on less of a downer on the season from the start).

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'd be interested to know what you think.

tl;dr: We expected new transformations and items in otona precure bc Y!5 squad got them in previous seasons. Then it didn't happen.

[paullovescomics]

Now I'm up to #75 of the Superboy series that started in 1994. Finally he has a civilian name: Kon-el. The Hawaiian setting has been ditched, in favor of the metallic halls of Project Cadmus. The only supporting cast member who came along is Dubbilex, which does make sense, since he is a product of the Project. However, before we settle in at Cadmus, there's an outing on a lost island full of animal people. It's a take on the animal society of Kamandi, which ushers in a cavalcade of Kirby-created content. This goes hand-in-hand with the Superman titles of the time, if I remember correctly. It is pretty fun, although, as is often the case, it seems like we barely get to know any of these characters as they rush by in the crisis of the moment. We also get Hypertime in these issues. That was a way of re-introducing alternate worlds to the DCU without bringing back the old school multiverse. (In the early 80s folks were convinced that the multiverse was too confusing and off-putting to new readers, and that's why newstand sales were tanking. So it went away for a long time. Little did they know that much larger audiences would later embrace a menagerie of multiverses in movies and tv. Trying to guess what the missing readers want is a very old game, y'all, and nobody is ever very good at it.) This gives us Black Zero, an alternate Kon-El who cooked in the clone machine long enough to emerge at adult size and with more powers. And he's evil, natch. Later, the ex-supermodel-turned-psionic-bullet-firing-vigilante Hex returns, and now she's riding a dragon. All of this is fun, but I have to say that Kon-El often feels like he's just along for the ride. Particularly during the Cadmus arcs, you could put many other heroes in his place, and it would play out much the same. By #75, we're set for another change in status quo. If you're wondering why I haven't mentioned what happened to Tana, that's because that didn't happen. Why would such a downer, lackadaisically orchestrated dismissal of an important character happen in a series that's otherwise concerned with adventure and nostalgia? It doesn't fit the tone of the series, and it sucks, so clearly it didn't happen. Tana is back in Hawaii enjoying being a star reporter.

[mostlygibberish]

I liked the part with the raccoon.

Maybe if I had seen this when I was twelve I would look on it more fondly, but without nostalgia I really struggle to understand why it's so beloved. Maybe it just set the standard for this type of movie so firmly that to my modern eye it seems well, standard.

I'd be crazy to claim it isn't a good movie, but by far the most entertaining part to me was watching E.T. shrivel up and turn white like the dog turd he is. Most of my notes are about how creepy and gross I found him. Honestly if I saw that damn thing in my living room, I'd stomp on it until it was a small brown stain.

E.T. - the movie is a good, solid family adventure movie with a great score and memorable plot. E.T. - the alien is a disgusting, gormless freak that I cannot believe anyone ever found endearing. Every moment he was on screen was at best goofy looking, and at worst utterly repellant.

What the hell was the point of the scene where all the frogs were set free and he kissed a random girl because E.T. was psychically making him mimic a movie on television? The tone of that segment was genuinely impenetrable to me. People's reactions to literally levitating off the ground were so unbelievably subdued, and why were they still pedalling the bikes anyway? 

Also, you're telling me the g-men saw the alien transmitter in the woods, left it running, and forgot about it entirely? Completely ridiculous. Though I did like that the ending cuts away before the whole family is for sure disappeared by the US government as part of the cover up. That could have been a real downer to end on.

Technically a good movie, maybe even great, but the presence of E.T. himself literally prevents me from liking it.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 107

99 Problems/The Stolen Earth

“99 Problems”

Plot Description: Outnumbered by demons, Sam and Dean are saved at the last minute by a hunter and his very religious townspeople

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: no one died but I…don’t think I’d survive this

Ew. Look. I know that this town is “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”-ing with the Winchesters but holy fuck I would hate it here. But it’s like…”this is the future conservatives want”

You really don’t HAVE to flirt with the preacher’s daughter, Dean

Cas’s inability to understand technology is always adorable. If Dean called, he’d answer the phone…show up right away. Why are we having Sam call?

Is it me or are the two constant hunters in this town a little…? (Edit: they were not)

Nooo, that kid wouldn’t have died if he hadn’t asked to get a ride back with Sam and Dean

Ohhh, this town’s gonna turn on them REAL quick. It’s not their immediate fault this kid died, but they can’t deny starting the apocalypse. Are heaven and hell working together on this one? Or am I expecting too much from this show?

Good lord, keep me as far away from a town like this forever (I say from the US where the RESTRICT bill is a thing and rights are being rolled back constantly).

Is this “I found a liquor store and drank it”!Cas?? It issss!! He needs more than a hug but I wanna hug him so bad

Cool cool cool cool cool. You can’t drink, gamble, or fuck in this town or you’ll anger the angels, but MURDER is chill?? That makes sense to this town?? Sure. Sounds like America

Cas will never not fascinate me. He’s ancient, the names of every prophet are seared into his mind, he can’t fathom why his cellphone would ask for his name to let people know they’ve reached the correct voicemail box, he translates jokes from enochian…and that’s JUST. THIS. EPISODE.

Yikes, Dean. Context is important, but you can’t say that like this is GTA

The writers are taking WAY too much glee in being able to call this girl a whore just because revelations mentions a false prophet named the Whore of Babylon

HEY DEAN??? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?? WHERE ARE YOU—oh, hi Lisa, I guess.

Maybe it’s because I’m ace but I just don’t buy the “history’s best one night stand” Lisa and Dean over him and Cassie

“Been On My Mind…”: Nope 7

“The Stolen Earth”

Plot Description: Earth’s greatest heroes assemble in a time of dire need. Can the Doctor’s secret army defeat the might of the new Dalek Empire?

That pause before you said yeah to it being good that Rose is coming back was too long, Doctor

This poor milkman was just trying to do his job…

That newscaster is so over everything happening here

I just…have very little patience or interest right now for the Torchwood and Sarah Jane Adventures tie-ins

Fictional women with large guns >>>

I’m not saying things aren’t bad, but it’s not like y’all haven’t gone up against the Daleks before. Sure, the Doctor’s not here YET, but damn…have a LITTLE faith in yourselves

He’s so proud of Donna sticking up for herself

God that woman’s creepy. But…talking about her being “something new.” I don’t want her to goooo. I know what that means but I don’t want it to be that wayyyyyy

Wilf has such good instincts. Why would anyone who’s not come across Daleks assume that was an eye? HELL YEAH ROSE

Man this is a hella downer episode. Which makes sense as the middle episode

…that…that’s the sound of drums

Harriet!!

Finally! Some hope!

Hahahaha first time the Doctor has had to tell his companion no in regards to Jack instead of telling Jack no

Dalek Kahn is possibly my favorite Dalek. He’s completely insane. But also don’t the Time Lords do this same thing to The Master?? Try to bring back Gallifrey through him and all it cost was his mind??

Yeah I guess mid-regeneration IS the logical cutoff point for the cliffhangerrrrrrrrrrr

RIP all my happiness over the next couple of days

[sweetsmellosuccess]

Dale Dickey is both blessed and cursed with a face that seems to betray her past in every crag and swoop. In this way, it's as if she doesn't have to work to convey the struggle of her characters, just stand in the light and let the lines of her face do the heavy lifting. For this reason, she has often been cast as the hard-scrabble matron of rough times in films like "Leave No Trace, " "Hell or High Water" and "Winter's Bone." She has been a virtual stand-in for the pitiless ravages of age and devastation.

In Max Walker-Silverman's bittersweet "A Love Song," however, she finally gets to play a different sort of long-suffering character, a deeply lonely widow, hoping above hope that an old romantic foil from her youth might restore her back to the land of the living.

Faye is a taciturn sort (in fact, we only learn her name about 50 minutes in the film), staying at a remote campsite on a western Colorado lake, waiting hopefully to meet with her old high-school friend/crush Lito (Wes Studi), himself a widower, who has agreed to meet with her, near where the two of them grew up many decades before.

As shy and quiet as Faye is, Lito has a very different energy, positive and more effusive. Both come from a place of profound tragedy and loneliness, but Lito seems more connected to the world outside, even if his life has taken a hard left turn.

It slowly becomes clear that Faye is putting a lot of pent-up emotion and yearning into this meeting, a chance, she thinks, to not have to spend the rest of her life lonely and alone (and it doesn't get more emblematic of that sort of life to see her at this somewhat forlorn campsite, living out of a cramped camper, and eating nothing but boiled crawdads she fishes out of the lake).

It's the kind of setup that could easily lead to smarmy emotional breakthroughs, or, worse, a kind of forced Hollywood-style resolution. Fortunately, Walker-Silverman isn't after easy or pat answers, such that the meeting, when it finally does happen, has elements of all sorts of things, including joy and guilt, nostalgia and pain -- the chemistry between Dickey and Studi always palpable and subtly moving.

The film ends on a well-earned note of melancholy, but remarkably keeps from being a straight downer. We may feel Faye's grief, but we also get a sense of her inner strength, the means we have as humans to keep on keeping on despite the dispiriting lives we may end up having to lead.

[davidmann95]

Did you see the interview Morrison did with CBR on Superman and The Authority? Any thoughts on it if so?

Anonymous asked: You see that interview with Morrison about S&tA? They’ve got me excited, confirms it’s basically a spiritual successor to their Action Comics run, an ending story for the Golden Age Superman the way All-Star was for the Silver Age. Very intrigued at how they’re doing this older, kind of pissed off Superman

Anonymous asked: Morrison talking mad shit about Injustice and the Snyder film plans made me happy. Just wanted to share even though you have much more positive feelings on both than I do lol.

Anonymous asked: Well Superman editorial continues to suck massively per Morrison. Almost comforting how even after the entire department gets purged, the people there would rather continue to do evil Superman than anything else.

Anonymous asked: Any thoughts on the new Morrison interview?

Anonymous asked: Have you read the CBR interview with Morrison on Superman and the Authority? Interested to hear your thoughts.

Plenty of thoughts.

* I suspected pretty much from the beginning that their choice to go with The Authority had to do with that crew representing for Morrison a bittersweet nostalgia for the turn-of-the-millenium promise of a more radical, just tomorrow (especially given that they repeatedly noted in interviews at the time they felt it had rightfully supplanted their own JLA, and with Millar and Quitely doing the second run on it), so it delving into that makes sense to me. I did not expect that to be in the form of Kennedy showing up (add New Frontier to the list of stuff this is implicitly drawing on, another comic asking 'has Superman sold out?'), but it makes me ten times more fascinated; I assume that was allowed in the first place because this was planned initially as part of 5G where Superman would have debuted in the 60s, and now because of the post-Death Metal 'it all counts' ethos.

* The DC perspective is an unsurprising downer (I imagine Morrison pitched The Authority angle as a commercial way of doing that they could actually work with), but it's notable that those initial plans were in 2018; I think signs point to the perspective of the higher-ups on Superman having shifted pretty dramatically in the last couple of years. Also holy crap they had a Morrison Superman mini in cold storage for four years, I don't know if it's abhorrent that this was kept for us or admirable that they waited for perfect timing. It's also kind of shocking that this wasn't written contemporaneously with Wonder Woman: Earth One Vol. 3/The Green Lantern Season Two/Detective #26, because it seems so much the conclusion of the capstone they represent.

* In a weird way, this is them doing an all-encompassing take on Superman ala their Batman they never have before. All-Star and Action are often flattened out into 'Silver Age' and 'Golden Age', but really it's them doing their interpretation of classic, iconic Superman vs. their idealized personal reinvention drawing from several eras. This is the one that goes 'no he lived through it all, what are the consequences of this and what does he regret'.

* "It's kind of a reflective age for Superman who looks back and wondered if it worked, all that gaudy presentation, fighting with Doomsday, having Crises? Were we all wrapped up in our superhero bullshit and not dealing with all the problems that we started out with and tried to [solve]?" This feels almost ripped from the page from Blackstars and it casts that story in a very new light knowing that they'd already been writing this at the time, as if the take on Superman in there was built to ultimately justify the changes in here.

* I guess I'm not strictly as harsh as most but to qualify my feelings on Injustice or the Snyder movies as "much more positive" than most I'm pretty sure they would've had to run over a beloved childhood pet. Yes, I read some Twitter responses, they were hilarious.

* Talking up Clark's alien perspective makes me wonder if that's part of why the books doubling down on "he's half-human and born on Earth, in a way even his dad can't be he's seen and lives as one of us" with Jon as the impetus for his own apparent progressive journey in Son of Kal-El. Curious what capacity Jon might be in this, since again, Morrison played with him a lot in Blackstars and this apparently sets stuff up for his book.

* Superman as the dad picking you up after you get really drunk for the entire planet is such a killer framing, and also makes me think of this, which they wrote around the same time:

* Love the described stuff with Midnighter and Apollo, wild that it's just now a full decade after their incorporation that Apollo's meeting Superman and Midnighter still hasn't met Batman.

* Are those preview pages the final colors? I suspect not but I'd be so down with it if they were and this book was going with a bold near-monochromatic take.

* Finally, realized this is the conceptual sequel to Multiversity: a pulp-age hero (who's apparently been around since then) dealing with the 'successor' heroes of tomorrow, the post-Millar post-9/11 breed, hoping to act as a brighter example but terrified he's become inexorably an instrument of the status quo and that maybe it's all just shit. Think there's a low but non-zero chance The Gentry might show up to go after Superman for breaking all the rules. It is also, god help us, their Doomsday Clock - can Superman redeem DC's metatextual perceived embodiment of realistic cynicism?

[mini-minish]

Me again! No worries you’re not coming off as a downer at all, I get it. A friend of mine is exactly like that too and I think it’s an understandable concern to have, even if I personally don’t really think either of you would disappoint. I think having that worry in the first place is really showing in just how much you care to do it well and that’s not at all a bad thing.

The nice thing about Kofi tips is that you don’t owe people anything in return :)

I’d be more than happy to just tip for the joy you’ve already brought me, and if you don’t specifically put an offer for doing something in exchange for tips people are just gonna assume tips for your hard work is exactly what it is. You don’t have to worry about your art not being good enough to deserve tips because if someone tips you that automatically means they think it is. :)

It’s also free so you don’t have anything to lose monetarily, even if you don’t end up making tons and tons of money off of it.

I’m not an art expert in any sense of the word but I can say that your Gideon and Harrow are among my favorites in the fandom, I just love how they look in your style. It’s been ages since I’ve seen Stardust and when I saw your art it made me want to rewatch so bad just so I can picture Griddlehark in it ahaha

And absolutely no pressure about the commissions if you’d rather not or rather wait, but if you’d ever like to try it I’m very down to trying it with you so you can see what it’s like. I’m super patient, you could take whatever time you need and we could start with something small if you’d prefer that. I’ve also got some experience with commissioning different people so I know a bit about the different ways artists handle different parts of the process.

Again, no pressure, this offer does not have a time limit and it’s fine if you don’t want to at all, just wanted to let you know I’m down for it in case you’d like to try :)

apologies for the late reply, i wanted to take some time to think about all of it!

*silently nods to your friend in understanding*

first of all i have to thank you immensely because you've helped ease a few of my worries, you are truly too kind taking your time to explain it all to me!

a couple of other people have seen your previous ask and wondered the same thing, and while it made me a little bit nervous, it also made me happy to know my art can bring happiness to more people!! it's truly a strange feeling to be scared but excited about something at the same time haha!!! i'll think about the ko-fi but please do not feel pressured to tip me at all! it is incredibly rewarding knowing my drawings can bring someone joy!!! thank you for all your kind words!!

hahaha stardust is definitely a dear movie to me!! its not without its issues but it gives me so much nostalgia and it's also free real AUs zone >w>

about the commission- it is something ive been wanting to try but never had the courage to do it @u@' it could be a fun exercise i think! both to know how i'd deal with it and how my nerves would deal with it hsishidhdidhud if it's alright with you, of course!!

thank you again!!!

[ltleflrt]

*busts into the room with an air horn in one hand and a seltzer bottle in the other*

LISTEN UP CLOWNS!  I AM HERE WITH THE 15x19 POSITIVITY.

But bucklemming-- *AIRHORN* But the stupid things-- *SPRAYS YOU WITH SELTZER* No Caaaas-- *DOUBLE BARRELS YOU*

LOOK.  BUCKLEMMING ARE BAD WRITERS, THEIR EPISODES ARE ALWAYS POORLY PACED AND FULL OF SHITTY THINGS TO FILL UP YOUR BUCKLEMMING’S BULLSHIT BINGO CARD, AND THIS WAS NO EXCEPTION.  BUT LET’S TALK ABOUT GOOD THINGS AND HYPE OURSELVES UP FOR NEXT WEEK, AWRIGHT? AWRIGHT!

I enjoyed 15x19!  It was delightfully stupid, gave me exactly what I expected from Cas’ unfinished storyline, and managed to surprise me, made me bawl, and fuck y’all the montage was fun!

I like that my sad boy Dean pulled himself up from his bootstraps and went to meet Sam and Jack in the beginning.  Because he always gets back up, even when he’s at his lowest lows.  We know he ignored Sam’s calls while he had a good cry at the end of 18, but he got back to the business of Winchester World Saving once he got enough of it out of his system to function.

It felt good to see Sam have a meltdown.  I looooove Cool And Logical!Sam who is almost always the voice of reason, but Dean ain’t the King of Repression, Sam is.  The boy shoves so much down, his fears about being tainted, his Hell/Lucifer trauma, (frustration with watching Dean and Cas dancing around each other for 11 fucking years), his grief over his tragic love life... Let him yell!  Let him shout and scream and put down the burden of hope for a few minutes!  Yes, good.  Very good, Sam.  Get it off your chest!

Dean named the dog “Miracle”.  Stahp! So soft! *clutches chest*

DEAN SPRINTING FOR THE DOOR!  HE TOOK THOSE STAIRS TWO AT A FUCKING TIME TO GET TO HIS ANGEL!

C’mon now... who didn’t enjoy seeing Lucifer get murdered one last time?  *chef’s kiss*

JAKE ABEL YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN!!  I wish I’d glomped onto this guy years ago!  What a gem!  What a good bean!!  Too bad about Michael’s failed redemption arc, but NO MORE ARCHANGELS TO FUCK AROUND WITH FATE YEAH BUDDY!!

Upon first watch, I was rolling my eyes at Jack’s power sucking ability.  Where did that come from?  It was out of nothing!  I was going to handwave it as bucklemming fuckery.  BUT THEN!  I woke up from a dead sleep at 4:44am and thought SERAFINA.  SHE SAID HE WOULD BE LIKE A SUPERNOVA AND THEN ADAM SAID HE’D BE A BLACK HOLE FOR COSMIC POWER.  AND GOD IS IN EVERYTHING.  LITTLE BLACK HOLE JACK SUCKING UP THE COSMIC POWER IN EVERYTHING.  It took me a minute Dabb&Co, but hat’s off, that was pretty fuckin’ cool.  (I marveled over this revelation for about 15 minutes and then went back to sleep lol)

Hey, remember my first point about Dean always getting back up?  Yeah, that times a thousand, because now it’s him and Sammy getting back up every time they’re knocked down.  INSPIRING.  I WANT TO BE LIKE THEM WHEN I GROW UP.

Sam holding Dean upright.  Fuck.  *sobs in brochesters*

CHUUUUUUCK!!!!  I have been pulling my hair out since 14x20 trying to guess how they’d deal with Chuck.  I am FUCKING THRILLED with his ending.  Beautiful. Fucking. Poetry. 

AND JACK. SAVED THE WORLD.  TEAM FREE WILL’S SON WAS THE ULTIMATE HERO.

And Dean taking Cas’ last words to heart?  Knowing that he’s about love, not about killing?  alkdjfaz;oeirnfa;kldfj al;sdkjf elmoonfire.gif aldfj;adlks

Jack’s goodbye.  Oh Jack.  I love you so much you funky little nephilim.  Thanks for the heartfelt tears.  You are Good and the world is so blessed to have you.  A God with a Human Soul.  Perfect.

THE NAMES ON THE TABLE!!!  CASTIEL instead of CASS because FUCK THAT EXTRA S!!!

Fuck all of you making fun of the montage, I adored it and watched it like ten times before I went to bed last night.  If that had been at the end of 20 I would have side-eyed it haaaaaard.  But it was put in the perfect place in the season.  I appreciate the nostalgia bomb, thank you very much :P

ANYWAY!  Looking forward to 20!  Got my full clown gettup on!  And the airhorn and seltzer water WILL be used on any debbie downers and negative nancies that find their way to my inbox.

I LOVE SEASON 15 SO MUCH!!!!

BONUS CLOWNING:  NOW THAT DEAN IS FREE OF GOD’S MANIPULATION, EVERYTHING HE DECIDES TO DO IN REGARDS TO CAS IS OF HIS OWN FREE WILL AND HE KNOWS IT.  HE KNOOOOWS IT! 

[snarkywrites]

March Horoscopes: Rebirth

We are finally entering Aries Season. The last cardinal season was in Capricorn and it was extremely intense. Here we learn to let go and be more independent with our actions. There will be a sense of freedom, pushing us to take on challenges, to let go of what is holding us down and set our new paths. Aries Season reignites our passions and boosts our momentum, it is the awakening period for many because the Spring Season is also nearing. With Saturn entering Aquarius (briefly) we will see what will be on the horizon for 2021. Use this opportunity to be ore reflective and wise about decision making for the future. This Aries Season will feel like magic is in the air, so have fun and enjoy it, even if everything feels like it's about to collapse around us.

March Horoscopes

Aries – The first half of the month will be a rediscovery period for you as you wait for the Piscean waters to calm down with the effects of the Mercury Retrograde. This is a great time to reflect and meditate if possible. Mars in Capricorn will give you that extra boost you have been desiring all year long, especially when it comes to jump starting your career plans and new directions. The Pluto and Saturn conjunction is still there, but things will slowly begin to alleviate for all of us when Saturn enters Aquarius on March 21st, right in time for Aries Season to start. The struggles you will face for this short period (March through July when Saturn retrogrades back into Capricorn) will be an eye-opening experience tied to your partnerships and inner growth. You have fought the fight these couple of years with establishing an identity to the world and now you will shift that focus on how you relate to others. Venus entering Taurus early in the month will make you care more about self-worth and appreciating your innate gifts; another puzzle piece to add to the collection for the upcoming months. The Page of Wands is your card for the month, adding to the theme of new discovery and beginnings. This is a time for new opportunities and renewed optimism, all things tied to the spirit of Aries Season.

Taurus – We kick-start the month of March with Venus comfortable in the sign of Taurus. You will radiate magic and magic will follow you throughout this period if you allow it. With Mars in fellow Earth sign, Capricorn, you are not afraid to express your thoughts to others as you assert yourself more this month. A favorable aspect for many Taurus in the next week is the Full Moon in Virgo, bringing a culmination to your outlook on what brings you joy and happiness in life. It will be a slightly reflective period as you also consider what you have had to offer and bring to the table when thinking about your creative paths. To the artists out there, this can be an awakening and a period of growth and renewal as you continue to reflect some more due to this Mercury Retrograde in Pisces. Seeing some ghosts from the past as well as reconnecting with new people with like minded thoughts and ideals will spark your imaginative side. The Sun will be entering Aries later this month on the 19th, bringing you back into a reflective period and prompting you to get ready for the next goals to achieve. Saturn will be entering the sign of Aquarius, bringing a much-needed period of relief as you brace yourself for the challenges that will manifest in the next two years. Bulls should not be intimidated because you all are stubborn and courageous in your own right. Your card for the month is the Three of Wands pushing you to be more adventurous and have a little fun, even when the world looks like it’s ready to burn.

Gemini – Aries Season will bring an exciting period for many Geminis as you achieve a little recognition and moment in the spotlight during this transit. The Full Moon in Virgo this month will shine a light to your domestic affairs, and you will likely find a resolution. With Mercury Retrograding back into the sign of Aquarius at the beginning of the month, this will spark some nostalgia, as you think and meet some people from the past who will help to shape some new outlook regarding your place in the world. With Saturn entering Aquarius later in the month, those answers from the retrograde will help add some meaning to this transit. You will have a taste of what is to come in the next three years. The Four of Wands is your card for the month bringing a much-needed victory to your life. Things will appear to be smooth sailing as you are brought back to home and family. Love will be a driving force for this victory this month and when Venus enters your sign next month, you will experience the power and effects of how love will shape you for the next half of the year.

Cancer – When the Sun enters Aries, it will bring a period of challenges in showing the world who you are. However, expect a list of praises towards the end of the season. You will be able to attain your crown and learn a lot as a result of your achievements. With the Full Moon in Virgo, this will bring a contemplative period, as you craft your plans for the upcoming months and try to bring a resolution to your ongoing fears and lack of faith in yourself. When Mercury reenters the sign of Pisces on the 16th, the expansive energy follows you and adds a good amount of optimism to keep you right on track. Have faith in yourself and what you have in the works because it will flourish. The New Moon in Aries on the 24th adds that spark of magic, a new beginning to a dream or a plan that will generate a lot of talk towards the end of the year. There will be a Mars and Saturn conjunction in the sign of Aquarius later this month, making you want to go forward but stop. Although this energy feels limiting, keep pushing for what you want without any fears. This period is a moment of re branding and trust in you. This month, The King of Wands appears in your favor, letting you know that you are at a level of mastery which will bring more gifts. The only one stopping you at this point in time might be you, so keep going and be fearless.

Leo – Fire signs will enjoy this favorable transit because it will generate that spark and joy that the Saturn and Pluto conjunction has been keeping under control. With the energy shifting away from the Capricorn wave, you will focus on the self and your own power. The Sun in Aries will bring a positive outlook and joy to keep you moving forward with your plans. However, the brief entry of Saturn in Aquarius, will show some of the obstacles that you will have to face in the next year. Although it is a brief transit, you will get a taste of what is to come. Venus in the sign of Taurus will be an exciting period for you, as you will feel like royalty. Whatever you do now will make you shine, and it will boost your confidence and faith in yourself because you already know what you are worth. The Full Moon in Virgo provides the essentials needed to build a stable environment for yourself as you are faced with questions regarding the future and your stability. Finally, the transit that will bring you more optimism will be the New Moon in the sign of Aries, prompting a change in ideals and a need for expansion. Your future and plans could come to focus during this time. When Mars enters Aquarius, you will be the go-getter, getting things done, moving into action, but with the conjunction with Saturn, this might add some pressures to how you move forward. We conclude with The Page of Pentacles in the Reverse as your card for the month. Keep the eyes on the prize and do not let fear stop you. The world is your oyster, just go for it.

Virgo – Pisces Season should bring a sense of optimism for you. The Saturn and Pluto conjunction that has made the last three years a bit of a downer for you will finally break away from their intense energy as Saturn shifts into Aquarius on the 21st. This can bring you a moment of relief and joy, which will allow for you to go forth and bask in the Aries Season with new opportunities for excitement and thrills. The Full Moon in your sign also provides a bit of a boost in the way will view yourself from here on out. This is a time to come into your power and see those parts of the self that you have been trying to ignore or hide away. You are now more willing to accept the truths after months of covering up those lies within. Be upfront now and honest with what you expect for yourself in the future. Venus in fellow Earth sign, Taurus will bring you back to basics and inspire a lot of self-worth and love, both wonderful things for your journey to healing. The Sun is your card for the month adding onto the theme of the self and growth. Do not be afraid to let your light shine. It is only when you have uncovered those dark parts within and come to terms with who you want to become, that you will show your radiance.  

Libra – March will bring a lot of changes for you with lots of Cardinal activity in the works. The Sun entering Aries is a moment of excitement for you since Aries is your sister sign and it is a reflection of who you are when relating to others. Appreciate the last days of Venus in this sign before it moves into Taurus, because here is where you will have to be more practical about finances and your own ideals revolving worthiness. Mars in fellow Cardinal sign, Capricorn will make the home front a bit of a challenge during this transit, but this is something that you are already used to and can handle. Your diplomatic skills will be put to the test as you struggle to be the peacekeeper with friends and family. Nevertheless, this month will also show you many victories, with the Full Moon in Virgo, bringing you back to center and inner focus. A cycle of uncertainty and confusion comes to an end, as you set out to take on the world. Mercury Retrograding back into the sign of Aquarius, brings a little spark and fun to your life before Saturn makes its way there briefly until July. The Four of Pentacles in the Reverse is your card for the month reminding you to be more cautious with your spending since Venus will be in Taurus. Be practical when it comes to finances and remember to focus on the future.

Scorpio – There will be a lot of opportunities coming and going this month and this also applies to people you meet and let go of. With the Seven of Cups appearing in your reading, this is a moment to be practical with what you want and to not be fooled by others, especially in romance. The beginning of March marks the period of Pisces Season that will bring you joy and excitement, but with Neptune there, this can lead to a lot of illusions and delusions after when things do not work out the way you have expected. Luckily, Mercury will Retrograde back to Aquarius, making you claim some footing as you work through issues that are of a more personal nature. The Full Moon in Virgo brings you some much needed guidance through your practical circle of friends, reminding you to stay focused and grounded during this transit. Venus entering the sign of Taurus will ignite your passions when it comes to what you should go after when pursuing a partner and how you will go about getting what you want. Focus on bringing stability into your life and not to let the chaos around you push you into making decisions you know are not practical.

Sagittarius – Aries Season will awaken you as you experience fun and pleasure with the Sun entering later this month. So far, you have gotten the boost of joy with Venus in the sign, but it is only for one more week until it moves into Taurus. This is still a very favorable position to have Venus, as you come to a good and peaceful moment in your working environment or with school. Saturn will be entering the sign of Aquarius for the next four months, giving you a taste of what is to come for 2021. You have been through the challenges that Saturn has presented you but now this will be a new learning experience for you. The New Moon in Aries at the end of the month will spark a new cycle for you that can be a creative endeavor or a reflective period for the next six months, so use this time wisely since it can promote growth. It will challenge you in new ways because Aries teaches us to take lead and charge and this transit is no different. Your card for the month is The Two of Swords, prompting you to make some decisions you have been putting off. Trust that you will make what is best for you since you have already learned a lot and have overcome the hardships that life has thrown at you thus far.

Capricorn – You of all people will love the shift from Saturn in your sign to Aquarius. This lightens the weight that you have been feeling for the last two years, even if it will only be for a four-month period. The Sun entering fellow Cardinal sign, Aries in the middle of the month is a godsend for you as you now have the energy to kickstart any pending projects or tasks you have not felt confident enough to take on. With Mars in your sign, you will be driven enough to start and finish this in the next few years. One drawback of having Mars in your sign will be the aggressive tendencies that will flare up occasionally, so make sure to take some timeouts when you feel the anger and pressures building. This Full Moon in Virgo will bring expansive energy and motivation that will help you keep pushing for that goal you have in mind. You have your eyes on a prize and will surely get it. This month, The Seven of Wands shows that you are here to fight for what you want and protect what you have achieved. Mars in your sign makes you unstoppable and will teach you to put up defenses when others want to break you. Keep going strong, nothing can stop you this month.

Aquarius – A huge momentum shift for your sign as you finally feel what Saturn in Aquarius will be bringing you for the next three years. But first, you will experience Mercury Retrograding back in your sign at the beginning of the month, making you think sharper and be more in tune with your thought process. There is a confidence in how you carry yourself and what you are willing to tolerate, and others will notice. The Sun in Aries adds on to this mental sharpness as you will have an ease with words this transit, so to those Aquarius writers out there, you will have a lot of inspiration that will be beneficial to you, especially after this New Moon in Aries, sparking some travel and/or reconnecting with the world through words. Venus in Taurus brings some stability and comfort to home, as you will also feel inspiration to make changes to aesthetics. Saturn in Aquarius will ignite passions, not in the way that Mars and Venus to, but in a way that will ensure security and success in the future. You will focus on the next chapter of your life and bring the focus on what truly matters to you now. The Three of Pentacles in the Reverse is your card for the month. Do not shy away from asking help if you need it. Usually, you can achieve greatness on your own, but when you are feeling down, it is always best to have the support from others to keep on going.

Pisces – There can be a bit of conflict when The Five of Wands shows up in a reading. This month try to behave or stay away from conflict. You can use your leadership status to bring or enforce the peace (if you can). This Aries Season will remind you to keep the focus on you and how to make yourself thrive. You are in your element now, especially when Venus in Taurus makes a sextile to your sign, prompting many pleasant moments in the making that will be inspirational to you and might help you tap into your creative side. With Mars in the sign of Capricorn, expect to meet a lot of new and interesting people this transit who will spark some new ways of achieving things and will keep you focused for the long run. The Full Moon in Virgo brings a conclusion to how you approach relationships. To those who are partnered, you will understand your lover more. Single folks will understand themselves more and what they are looking for in their future mate. Saturn is entering Aquarius briefly and it will show you what to expect in 2021. This period will be a reflective one, so use it wisely because you will learn a lot about you, and it will shed a part of you after the transit. Generally, this is a moment of fierce optimism and hard work as you gladly look to the future.

[xoluvx]

dancing with a stranger; t.h

Usually Tom would jump at the idea of having a night off for just him and his boys. A night to unwind after a long day week of work. But tonight, was not one of those nights. He couldn’t bare the thought of having to get ready. Having to get in an Uber to a club he didn’t really want to be with all the lights and noisy bodies.

“It’s a small place,” Haz assured watching Tom reach for the baseball cap resting on the bed. He knew Tom wasn’t into it, but he needed it. “We don’t have to go-” Haz started saying wishing he could comfort his friend somehow.

“I’m ready,” Tom said placing the cap on his head. His brown hair peeking at the nape of his neck. His black t-shirt made him slightly less copious. The last thing he wanted was to be noticed.

“The car should be here soon,” Haz smiled hoping this was a turn for his friend. He rushed out of the room ordering everyone to be ready as they awaited the car.

- -

“I really don’t want to go out, Z.” You whined as your tall friend pulled you out of the bathroom in something she’d chosen for you to wear.

She turned your body so you were looking at yourself in your full length mirror. Your head tilted to the side as you flatted the fabric along your torso. It wasn’t something totally uncomfortable, but it didn’t make you want to go any more than you already did. Which was not at all.

“I don’t want to tell you what to do, but-” Zendaya’s eye were big and soft. Speckles of gold seemed to flash back at you on the mirror. “You need this,” she whispered letting go of your arms to cross hers.

Sighing you turned to face her. “What shoes?” you asked smiling slightly. If only for her sake.

- -

“This isn’t too bad, is it?” Haz called over the loud music standing with Tom is a slightly more private part of the club. It was a lot smaller than anything he’d seen in LA and he wasn’t too sure he liked that. He was easier to spot in a place like this he felt.

But the beer in his hand was helping. It was helping drown the crowd, the colors were less obnoxious, the crowd less bothersome.

He felt like a downer. He was probably the only one here who didn’t want to be here. But he wasn’t going to ruin the night for his friends.

“Let’s go out there,” another friend called out motioning with his head towards the crowd. Not wanting to be the odd one out, Tom nodded his head feigning enthusiasm as his body propelled towards the dance floor.

His movements were awkward, beer still in hand but empty.

He was in a repetitive trance swaying back and forth he didn’t notice the gentle tap on his shoulder. Haz motioned with his head to the small figure tapping on his shoulder. It was a shy girl who was blushing profusely. She was giggly and fidgety. A group of girls behind her cheering her on.

“Do you want to dance?” Her voice was soft and drowned out by the music but he could make out the words clearly. He began shaking his head and lifting his head respectfully rejecting her.

Embarrassed she began turning around, her smile fading as she gave her friends a small shrug.

“What the hell are you doing?” Another one of his friend asked dumbfounded.

Tom furrowed his brow in confusion. “I don’t feel like dancing,” Tom retaliated.

“You’re not going to get over her if you keep rejecting every girl that tries to talk to you,” another one said pushing his shoulder slightly as to let him know he’d messed up. Tom licked his lips lifting his arms defensively.

“What they mean, is there’s no harm in trying.” Haz encouraged placing an arm on Tom’s shoulder protectively turning to look at the girl who was now dancing with her group of friends.

He was right. He might’ve not been a hundred percent sure, but he was right. He handed the empty bottle to Haz turning towards the group of girls and hesitantly approaching the one who’d asked him to dance.

- -

“Just let loose, you’re so tense!” Zendaya exclaimed physically grabbing your shoulders and shaking your body. “We didn’t come out for you to sulk,” she added turning towards the crowd. Thankfully nobody had recognized either of you, but equally great she’d reserved a smaller table for the two of you so you didn’t have to deal with unwanted interactions.  

"Thank you,” Zendaya beamed as a man who worked at the club approached the two of you with a small bottle of alcohol, juice, and two glasses. Zendaya quickly worked to prepare you a drink handing you the glass.

You took a sip of the concoction instantly regretting. It was strong and not very pleasant. But that first sip somehow infiltrated your bloodstream and made your surroundings a ting more bearable.

A drink down and you’d spotted a guy lingering close to your table. He’d tried making contact with you. Zendaya noticed it first giving you a slight nudge that you ignored.

“I think he wants to talk to you,” she finally stated the obvious taking a sip from her own glass. She gave him a friendly smile nudging you again before turning to look at you.

“I don’t want to talk to him,” you said dryly taking a longer swig from the glass than previously.  

You need this. Her words from early echoed through your mind filling your body that like the alcohol that was already making you make questionable decisions. You placed the glass down on the table getting to your feet.

“Do you want to dance?” You asked the guy reaching him almost whispering in his ear so he could hear you over the loud music. The blonde guy nodded his head extending his hand which you took with hesitation.

Your bodies moved in sync facing each other. Hands still intertwined. They were cold and almost sweaty. Rough to the touch, but you didn’t completely mind. He was smiling brightly as the two of you bounced to the beat of the song. Maybe it was the alcohol that had blurred your thoughts or blocked your inability to think straight. Or maybe it was the fact that you did need this and you were finally realizing it, but your arms wrapped around his neck innocently.

Your fingers reached towards his scalp, but his hair was too short and it help weird under your fingertips. Prickly and nothing like his. It didn’t compare to the way your fingers could get lost in his curls. You pulled your fingers back, palms resting on his shoulders as you smiled awkwardly realizing this was too weird.

- -

Tom’s beer was half empty as he stood with his friends watching the crowd dancing. He’d long been done dancing with the girl and okay, he didn’t have a horrible time.

But he quickly felt the blood rush up to his face when she spotted you. You dancing with someone who wasn’t him. He cleared his throat trying to peel his eyes away from you, not wanting his friends to know. Too afraid to ruin the night.

But Haz had noticed you too. He glanced at Tom hoping he hadn’t seen. But from the expression on Tom’s face it was clear he’d already spotted you.

- -

You stepped back from the guy slightly, making a comment about getting back to your friend to which he respectfully nodded in response.

“What’s wrong?” Zendaya asked as you approached her not taking a seat. “Looks like you were having fun,” she added with a hint of confusion.

“I think I want to go home,” you croaked feeling that pesky knot forming in your throat. The familiar pain spreading from your heart to every part of your body replacing the alcohol with shards of glass.

Noticing how your eyes were becoming glossy and your chest heaving trying to control the tears. She didn’t want to ask. She didn’t want to make it more painful, but she knew. Maybe she’d pushed you too hard.

You couldn’t stop thinking about Tom. Dancing with someone else just brought all your repressed feelings and memories you’d locked away back. And it was all too painful for you to process in a club.

Your body shivered as you stood outside with Zendaya waiting for the car that’d take you both back to your place. You felt nauseous, but it was probably a mixture of guilt, pain, and hunger.  

Zendaya huddled near you checking her phone keeping track of the vehicle that was suppose to pick the two of you. You found comfort in the proximity of her body, that is until her body jolted and a grunt rang in your ears.

“He cancelled,” she whined stomping her foot. Her fingers worked quickly on the phone screen, her body moving away from yours depriving you of warmth.

You were captivated by how quickly her fingers were moving that you didn’t notice a crowd of people moving near you. Laughter filled the air and though you were annoyed at first, any little thing seemed like an inconvenience right now that you wanted to go home, you heard his laugh.

Certain you were going crazy, you looked over your shoulder hoping to see a couple of strangers. Instead you were faced with his friends and his back was towards you. You could see his curls peeking from under the baseball cap. His neck glistening under the moonlight.

Zendaya was asking you something, but when you didn’t answer she turned to you. “Hey-” she started saying trying to get your attention. When she noticed you weren’t even looking in her direction, she glanced at what you were looking at and instantly knew what was happening.

She turned your body so you were facing the street once again.

But it was too late. Haz was already leading the pack towards the two of you.

Zendaya put on a big courteous smile greeting the group of friends. Tom lingered awkward giving her a small hug watching you over her shoulder as you said hi to everyone else.

When you were done with introductions, the conversation Zendaya was having with them sounded like a buzz. Your eyes had found Tom’s. Eyes that you’d missed. Eyes that were mixed with regret and longing.

Your eyes danced like strangers with endless possibilities for the future. All other thoughts and feelings drained out of your system replaced with nostalgia.

If only you’d stayed home, you wouldn’t have to deal with this.

“You girls wants to grab food with us?” Haz asked snapping you out of your trance. Snapping you out of the weird dance your eyes was doing with Tom.

“Sure,” Zendaya said glancing at your reassuringly.

Why not? You didn’t want to be alone tonight, you thought as you shooting Tom a quick glance biting your lip.

He didn’t either.