#Adventure Time meant a lot to me growing up and I hate when people brush it off

[skulls-and-cypresses]

Marceline from Adventure time on the mind I miss her

[japes-the-clown]

THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE: AN INVERSION ON “COMING OF AGE” FILMS AND A CRITICISM OF ADULTHOOD

Hi hello hey it’s me Jericho Jay “Japes” Marshall out here with a pretentious love letter to the filmmaking on display in nickelodeons The Spongebob Movie. Yes, I know it’s a kids movie. Yes, I know it’s not that deep. But I’m majoring in english, and deeply depressed, so I need to get this OUT and onto a PAGE.

I have watched this film many times over my lifetime, a few when i was just a kid, then in my early teens, even when i turned eighteen, and now, a month before i turn 20. Every time, I grow a new appreciation for the nuances that this movie brings to the table, and on my most recent watch my own deliverance from childhood makes me relate to the core themes the hardest I ever have. The Spongebob Movie isn’t just a movie about childhood, but a movie about adulthood.

Today, I’m going to make clear exactly how The Spongebob Squarepants Movie criticizes our understanding of adulthood and how society treats the neurodivergent, while effectively turning the “Coming of Age” genre on its head, within its 87 minute runtime.

START: CONSISTENT CHARACTERIZATION

One thing a lot of films (ESPECIALLY kids films) fail to nail is consistently showing aspects of a character throughout the runtime, enough that changes to a character feel impactful and justified instead of rushed and stifled. The best examples of movies that fail to do this are often the marvel movies that people tend to not remember- the first two thor movies, the avengers age of ultron, etc. In these movies, characters certainly have traits, but their personalities and motives can be very weak and make dramatic changes feel A LOT less dramatic. This can be seen in age of ultron, when quicksilver gave his own life to save someone else, which felt like nothing because he wasn't well developed. He wasn't particularly endearing, nor did him sacrificing his life contradict a part of his character. It felt very much like the writers trying to say "Look, this character which was once opposing the avengers, is now dying for one. Please cry." No hate to the writers of Age of Ultron, but it proves itself often to be an unmemorable part of the catalogue.

In the Spongebob Movie, the characterization is ON. POINT. After the introduction, with the pirates rushing in to watch spongebob, we get so much information regarding spongebob as a character.

Pictured: Spongebob holding a piece of cheese like an operator

The first scene of the plot is a dream sequence a large crowded scene at the Krusty Krab, with a customer not receiving cheese on his patty, and it being positioned in the same way as a bomb being located. In the dream, everyone is panicked, and Mr. Krabs is visibly distressed, almost like a damsel. Spongebob comes in, announcing his position as manager, much to the relief of Krabs. He goes in, and puts cheese on the burger (again, very akin to a bomb defusal scene), bringing the perturbed customer out safe and sound. Everyone lifts spongebob up as a hero, which is interrupted by his boat alarm.

This scene is JAM PACKED with stuff that both introduces the character to new watchers and introduces the crux of his arc to everyone else. Spongebob of course is very fond of the Krusty Krab, and wants to be the manager- he wants people to see him as cool, and as a responsible adult. He wants to be the sort of person that can be trusted with big responsibilities. And we also see, most importantly, that he is extremely childish through his faximile of what it meant to be adult. Everything is scaled up; it's a very silly situation, which well suits both the joke and his character as an inexperienced kid. This is one of the most direct ways to convey someone's character, because a dream can be interpreted as a direct port into a character's desires. This being the first introduction to the character in the movie sets the tone for EVERY following situation.

In the next few scenes you see Spongebob's real life, which involves his lengthy morning routine; his life is sort of whimsical, and so too is his routine. He showers by shoving a hose into himself till he bursts with water, he uses toothpaste to clean his eyes but not his teeth, and he puts on pants which he must fold to make. Again, all pretty solid jokes, but also very telling about his outlook. He is funny, weird, and childish, which is juxtaposed by the scene where he's- he's uh- showering with squidward. Squidward is an example of the "adult" that spongebob isn't. This has always been the case, but here his normal routine makes it very clear that other people in this world aren't like spongebob. They shower normally, they brush their teeth, they put their clothes on like normal. Spongebob's world is one of wonder and without responsibility, which makes it questionable as to whether he could handle one.

Pictured: Spongebob's room, adorned with childhood imagery

Pictured: Spongebob celebrating his position as a manager, despite Krabs saying that it was squidward who got it

Even his room in this scene screams "kid". He has toys strewn about, glow in the dark stars, and pictures of superheroes on the wall. He even says "Sorry about this calendar" as he rips a page, personifying inanimate objects as a kid would. The movie is telling you, "THIS CHARACTER IS A KID", but in a way that's masked because it's also just a set up for jokes. It's done so well, in my opinion, that it would go over your head because from your perspective you would be laughing along as spongebob did his wacky antics.

On top of that, his excitement for his assured managerial position at the Krusty Krab 2 continues to be bolstered. He marked it off with a cute drawing on his calendar, for those familiar he changes his normal "I'm ready" chant to "I'm ready- promotion-", and he's even already set up a party to celebrate at his favorite chain, Goofy Goobers, a child's entertainment restaurant similar to chucky cheese, albeit replacing pizza for ice cream. He hasn't just gotten excited, but has this childish anticipation for something which isn't even assured.

Spongebob arrives at the opening of the Krusty Krab 2, where he is so excited he can't contain his glee. He breaks the silence and makes members of the crowd uncomfortable, reinforcing again that spongebob is a standout in a world of adults, and a kid who doesn't understand certain social norms, which society looks down upon. When Krabs reveals that Squidward got the managerial position, Spongebob hyped himself so much that he starts celebrating, not even noticing that he wasn't picked. He gets on stage, and begins to give a speech, to which Krabs interrupts.

The next part I think best illustrates Spongebob's clear ignorance to society: Krabs attempts to subtly tell spongebob that he isn't getting the job, but spongebob repeats everything he says into the microphone. Again, fantastic joke, grade A, but the amount this shows how invested spongebob was. He already saw himself as an adult, someone who everyone would look up to as a manager- he could take the responsibility, and isn't aware of everyone likely cringing in the audience. This is the natural step for him in his mind, especially because of his exemplary work which had been previously celebrated through employee of the month awards. This was not an option for him. There wasn't a world in his mind where he would be outclassed by squidward.

Krabs has to break to him that he lacks responsibility, and that his childishness makes it difficult for Krabs to give him such a job. This might seem harsh, but I think the intro again shows how Spongebob saw the job; he didn't understand what it would be like, fantasizing another level in the menial work structure to be an amazing adventure of a job. People in the crowd reaffirm that in the eyes of society, spongebob is just a kid, a goofball. In my eyes, this is a story not just of childhood, but of neurodivergence. Spongebob isn't normal, and is blocked by society for his ignorance of social norms and sunny disposition. He finds things fun that other people can not, and he places values in completely different things. So he is blocked from the meaningful recognition he desired, despite the obvious evidence of his commitment.

I think this is a mighty interesting dichotomy!!! Simultaneously, spongebob's understanding of the world truly is warped, often resulting in a lack of consideration for others as well as harm for himself when things don't go his way, AND he is a good worker which puts in MANY hours of work without so much of a complaint. This is COMPLEX. You have to ask yourself, as a viewer, "would I give spongebob the job?" The answer can be different and can be REASONED.

And that's JUST spongebob! There are other characters with characterization that mixes into the themes of the movie very well, but I'm going to bring up any related points in future sections.

Okay, Okay. So now you're saying "WOW OKAY GREAT so why does any of this matter?" I'm so glad you asked. VERY glad.

2: THE BREAKING OF A YOUNG MAN'S SPIRIT

THIS is the point of the movie. The obstacle in this movie truly isn't adulthood, but instead self doubt. Spongebob's whole world is turned upside down by Krab's rejection of his basic personality. Spongebob asks himself: is it REALLY okay to be who I am? Am I an adult? Is the world fair? One of the most shocking scenes in the movie is blended so well in tone with the rest that you don't really notice; spongebob eating ice cream to cope with his disappointment, akin to that of adults drinking alcohol, and appearing to be visually "drunk" and washed up. This is BRILLIANT, and a recurring theme, where the true line between adult and childhood becomes blurry and impossible to see. Spongebob, the representation of a kid, gets hungover, spiteful, and angry about the injustice of his situation. This is often how adults act in the fact of adversity, but what's funny is that this too is how a kid would act; getting angry and overindulging, feeling entitled and acting socially immature when he didn't get what he wanted. He walks in to the Krusty Krab literally just to shit talk Krabs. And it doesn't stop there.

Pictured: Plankton finding "Plan Z" and looking at it like a centerfold in a playboy magazine

Almost every character in this movie juxtaposes another, again smearing the line of what it means to be an adult. For example, Spongebob and Plankton are polar opposites; plankton is cold and vengeful, angry at the world around him, and spongebob is a happy person who tends not to take things personally, a friend to all. In planktons first appearances in the movie, he is portrayed with clear adult themes, mocking spongebob, making pinup jokes about plan z, and living in a fairly dark and grey space. But, as the story moves along, we see many similarities; both spongebob and plankton are fairly one track minded, and when spongebob's perception is broken he himself gets a little vengeful. When eugene is put in danger over this, though, we do see that he places the lives of others over his own wants. And, even at the end of the movie, we see their similarities. Plankton reuses the "Sorry Calendar" joke that spongebob used at the start of the movie, drawing another line of what it means to be an adult. Is it childish of plankton to say that? Is the inherent irony he has impactful here? His want for something that isn't his, and his disregard for others in pursuing it feels just like how a younger child may steal the toy of another, without understanding what it means to share.

Pictured: Neptune flipping his shit at his lost crown

Then, there's the character of Neptune. Neptune is a big man baby. He rules the entire land, commands the most respect, and is considered the most powerful person under the sea, and yet, we see that he gets overprotective of his property, prepared to execute anyone who even annoys him. Throughout the film, he's obsessed with chasing an image of youth, as he is bald, and ignores the suffering of the people on bikini bottom to make sure no one sees his bald head. He throws what's equivalent to a tantrum when he finds his crown is missing, and believes a very crude note written by plankton saying that it was eugene who stole it. His character is an "acceptable" child because he's in a position of power, where spongebob is an "unacceptable" child as he is just a working class member of society. And the funniest part is, that he mocks spongebob for wanting to go for the crown, when even he, the strongest person in bikini bottom, refuses to go out of fear.

We see that these "bastions" of adulthood, plankton and neptune, are the ones who are responsible for missteps of society; we're ALL children in the long run, but the strict enforcement of a perceived true adulthood creates a space where they can act immaturely yet those under them/around them cannot. Dennis makes this case even more, as the only thing he does in this movie is hurt others. There's only one thing that seems to truly denote adulthood, and it's cruelty.

Even squidward, the adult that is supposed to be more responsible that spongebob, refuses to go on the quest to retrieve the crown, as he acts mostly in self interest, even later claiming to only care that plankton was stealing the secret formula as it was hurting his own paycheck.

Spongebob is the only one willing to go, willing to defend the man who wronged him, willing to value life over his own interests. He is both child and adult, just as the adults are too children.

As he moves through the plot of this film, he becomes less confident in his disposition, with his naivete causing moments like him and patrick crossing the state line and immediately getting carjacked, or them being put into an uncomfortable situation by all the bubbles they blew when they tried to get their car back. His bright personality is questioned constantly: Only five days to shell city? BY CAR. This is man's country. But weren't we the double bubble blowing babies?

Pictured: Spongebob caught trying to take back the key to the patty wagon when patrick fails to distract everyone

This is made more obvious to him as patrick remains oblivious throughout; patrick is a mirror for him, that acts as a childhood constant, that makes it clearer for him every day the draws of his childishness. There's the moment in the club where patrick's distraction was poorly thought out, and only because he said he wanted to do it adamantly, there's the moment where patrick challenged neptune on how many days they would have to do it, which served no purpose but for his own fun, there's the moment patrick points out the free ice cream trap- he is the unemployed uncritical lens that spongebob is afraid he is.

So everything's fucked, and anyone who is childish is bad i guess!!!

But that isn't so,

3: The illusion of manhood

So we've talked about spongebob's characterization as a naive child, how this is impactful in his transformation into someone who is anxious about that aspect of his personality, and how the society around him is hypocritical in it's own immaturity. But where does this all come together?

Pictured: Planktons dystopian world, which Mindy shows Spongebob and Patrick

It's at spongebob and patricks "conversion to manhood". At his lowest point, spongebob becomes a squidward- he becomes critical of his AND patricks interests, and regards them as childish, deciding that this means that they can't make it to shell city, as it requires them to be adults. When mindy shows them the dire situation back home, she hopes that spongebob's sunny personality and care for others would shine through, but instead he turns to what society has been telling him; it's impossible. He can't do it, he's just a little kid, and there is no point to any of this as he'll fail regardless.

Thinking about it like this, it truly is one of the darkest points in the entire series; spongebob just openly admitted that there was nothing he could do, that all of his friends were goners because he was effectively useless.

Mindy comes up with an idea; she'll trick spongebob and patrick into believing they're men; she convinces them of mermaid magic (their innocence allowing them to believe) and uses kelp to make them think they've matured into adults. Notice that physical modifiers being the only key to this "fake adulthood". With this, they jump off a cliff because they believe that with adulthood, they are invincible.

This is really telling about how the society they're in thinks of being an adult, and relays that to children. There's another level, a distinct separation between spongebob and adulthood, which seemed like the difference between a squire and a knight- being an adult means that you aren't weak anymore (as though he was weak in the first place), and thus you can do things you never thought before. Is it truly healthy that this is how a society tells kids that adulthood is like, for them to enter the world and feel a truly awful financial and literal hellscape waiting for them? uh, you can, you can decide that for yourself i think.

Nonetheless, they survive the fall, and conclude that they really are invincible, able to power through a ravine with their happy go lucky attitude, eventually befriending the monsters which were once trying to kill them. They weren't acting like adults, but the labels themselves made it possible for them to soldier on with the childlike disposition they had. I find that to be powerful. If we were able to be more hopeful as adults, and power through the worst things brightly, could we do great things? Idk but these depression meds sure do taste good nom nom

After crossing the ravine, spongebob and patrick meet dennis, and have their worldview crushed as it's revealed that they are actually still kids. Dennis being the "alpha male" that he is, is characterized by violence and a lack of morality. The pair are saved by a giant boot, which is the first of two humans in this movie. Spongebob and patrick are both taken by the man in the diver suit, as we fade to black, marking the end of their illusion of adulthood.

4: Back from the Edge (of death)

Spongebob and Patrick awaken in an antique shop, realizing that they were surrounded by fish that had been killed specifically for sale as tacky antiques. They are lifted out of their fishbowl, and put under a heatlamp, as their fate is sealed to become a member among those dead fish. In spongebob's final moments, he mourns his inability to be an adult, as well as to reach shell city; but before they both die, patrick points out that they truly did reach shell city, as the crown was within their reach.

This. This is a phenomenal scene. Why? Because of what it means for spongebob's arc.

Pictured: Spongebob and Patrick on their deathbeds, finding happiness

He sees the crown, and realizes that, unequivocally, that even if he didn't bring the crown back, he made it to shell city. Every person he met told him that he couldn't even do that. and he did it. He is a kid, yes, but he's a kid who went where not even NEPTUNE dared go. Everything people said about him, about how him being a kid stopped him from success, was suddenly shattered. He has been asking himself if it's okay that he is a kid, and he saw, unambiguously, that it is. He is allowed to be happy. He can enjoy things that other people don't. He can be naive. He can be himself, no matter what anyone says. And so can you. Great things can be done by people who are "childish", who are "naive", who are kind without expecting a return, all of it. YOU are okay. Your stims are okay, your comfort series are okay, your interest in tropes are okay, YOU'RE OKAY!!!!

with that, spongebob and patrick are dehydrated on the table, and ostensibly die, the kids that they are, shedding one final tear each, forming a heart beneath them.

...

Miraculously, the tear electrocutes that lamp at it's socket, causing smoke to rise and set off the sprinklers, rehydrating the pair, and bringing them back to life. The "Man in the Suit" attempts to capture them, seeing them about to lift Neptune's crown, but the rest of the dehydrated fish come back to life- squirting him with his own glue and beating him to the ground, as spongebob and patrick run out with the crown. David Hasselhoff offers them a ride back to Bikini Bottom, and the pair begin their ride back.

5: The confrontation of Adulthood and Childhood

Pictured: Dennis looking all lame and shit

As spongebob and patrick are being swam back to bikini bottom, the boot under which dennis was crushed rockets to Hasselhoff, spitting him back out to finish the job. The appearance of Dennis, IN MY OPINION, makes him look rather goofy, with his broken glasses making him look more like a office worker than a badass assassin as he attempts to kill spongebob and patrick. Spongebob, in trying to reason with him, is able to ruin his eyes with bubbles, and then survives as dennis gets hit by a raised platform which spongebob and patrick are too low to be hit by.

Having defeated one representation of adulthood, spongebob and patrick are shot down by HasselHoffs MASSIVE MAN TITS with the crown in order to prevent Krab's fate, blocking Neptune's lazer just in time as they crash in.

All seems to be well, but plankton uses one of his mind control helmets (which we'll be getting into later) to enslave even Neptune, putting mindy, spongebob, patrick, and Krabs against the wall.

In another stark moment of characterization, Spongebob tells patrick that "Plankton Cheated", which prompts plankton to tell spongebob that the situation wasn't a kiddy game, and that it was the real world. This sort of distinctions in their ethos tell you how spongebob interacts with justice; he believes in "playing fair", while plankton is bitter and believes in getting what he wants.

Finally, the apex to our plot, is a musical number. Spongebob begins to make a long-winded speech, where he takes ownership of every label he was called as he stood on the stage at the beginning, the similarity between the two events being clear (holding a microphone at an inappropriate time, making a speech as he blocks out input from an adult trying to talk him down). Spongebob then busts out into the film's rendition of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock", "I'm a Goofy Goober". This results in spongebob reversing plankton's whole plot with "the power of rock and roll". Plankton is made powerless, and thrown into a little padded cell.

The final scene in the movie has Mr. Krabs freed from his imprisonment in ice, and spongebob is offered squidwards position as manager of the second Krusty Krab. He seems hesitant, and squidward offers an insightful analysis of what spongebob might be feeling (the typical analysis of a coming of age movie, where the protagonist finds out that what they wanted all along is not what they wanted, but it was what was inside all along). Spongebob refutes that squidwards fly was just down, and GLADLY accepts the job.

AND THAT'S THE MOVIE

6: AN INVERSION ON THE COMING OF AGE GENRE

A coming of age story tends to be one which is focus on the growth of a character from childhood to adulthood, asking questions about what it means to be an adult. A character reaches for their perceived adulthood, and realizes what it means to ACTUALLY be an adult, typically juxtaposing what people think (drugs, parties, sex) versus what the movie postures as the correct adulthood (responsibility). In this, I think that the spongebob movie directly criticizes the position of what "an adult" is, in the sense of how someone acts.

Like we discussed in part 2, every adult character in this movie tends to be very childish in themselves, unable to see through simple ruses, and often very possessive of personal property. I don't think we actually see a child in this movie as a speaker at any point, only really as background characters (in goofy goobers to solidify spongebob as childish, and I believe in the chum bucket as they're lead to an unsafe place by their parents, who are supposed to be responsible). Thus, what is mostly examined is how adulthood and childhood is a very thin line. Squidward, for example, going directly to plankton to accuse him of stealing the formula, instead of taking it to the top immediately, which would have ended this whole thing fairly quickly; that was rather silly, and was the fruit of his need to assert himself as an adult.

Spongebob goes through this movie FIRST not caring much about whether or not he was an adult, and it is only after the social pressure from adults does he start to chase it. He then chases his perceived image of an adult, going on an adventure, and is crushed by the fact that he isn't an adult. Instead of finding what an adult is, he instead becomes comfortable with his existence as a child, finding himself at the end of the movie able to comfortably chase after an ideal again, where in a normal movie he would humbly reject the job he was offered.

This is, truly, what we should all take from this film. Spongebob realizes that people who aren't necessarily socially adjusted or acceptable can do great things, regardless of what the people around them say, especially because the people around them are liable to throw tantrums and be actively harmful to society. He is allowed to find comfort in childish things, and to be naive, because the world needs more people willing to help others. It's a scathing criticism on the imposed adulthood that exists in a lot of coming of age films, which begs us to drop fun in the interest of doing the right thing, as though those two ideas are contradictory.

BONUS: EXTRA STUFF THAT I LIKED

The goofy goober song became really good storytelling, at first marking childishness, then marking a level of discomfort and judgement in the club, then marking spongebob recognizing that his happiness came from what he liked and not some vague idea of adulthood, and finally marking his full acceptance of his childishness, taking the form of rock, the music of rebellion. It's not as subtle as leitmotifs, but it works really well in how the same song can give very different feelings throughout, and inform how we interact with a story.

There are a lot more examples of adults being pressured into childishness, with the connected twins who liked goofy goober at the club, who were beaten senseless for absolutely no reason, which highlights the way that the society hurts people that, by all means, are just as much adults as anyone else. There's of course Plankton's helmets which created a society of people who simply slaved away with nothing to say, taking life as it came and listening to authority.

On top of that, this movie is PRETTY ANTICAPITALIST AND ANTIMONARCHY, despite those things being allowed to continue to exist at the end- monarchy is seen misusing power constantly and often for unfounded reasons, and Spongebob's diligence at work is rejected by a penny pinching Krabs, who cares only about money. Like, THE KRUSTY KRABS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER? THAT IS SOME MONTY PYTHON ASS SHIT. This year is the first year i laughed at that joke, because it's really some "capitalists are fucking dumb as shit" humor that slipped over my head when i was a kid. The villain literally being defeated by Rock and Roll, which was sung with a message against the oppression of differences in people? Yeah, I think the spongebob movie hated rich mother fuckers.

END: UH YEAH THAT'S WHAT IT IS

So yeah. The movie is good I think. There's a lot more i could go into, but I've been writing this post for hours and at this point i haven't even read it so...

I recommend going back and giving this film a rewatch!!! Pay attention to all the moments where adults act like children/kids act like adults, because it'll make ur brain pop like a zit. Anyways that's me, I'm Jericho Jay "Japes" Marshall, and I HATE facism.

[mae-gi-writes]

Betrothed | Sangyeon

Requested! Royal au! Sangyeon and Y/N have been betrothed ever since they were kids. Too bad that you hate each other’s guts...Or do you? 

Genre: fluff, enemies to lovers au, royal au.  Tagging: my lovely precious @aniyawoos​ because she deserves all the love in the world. 

----

"Where is it?” 

You wish that your murderous glare can drill holes through Sangyeon’s back as you stand, fists clenched at your side, as you watch the prince smoothing over his horse’s mane as if he has no worries in the world.

You try breathing out through your nostrils. Inhale. Exhale. Relax. 

“Where is it, Sangyeon?” 

“I didn’t touch your diary.” 

“You’re the only one who knows I always keep in on my desk. And the only person who has access to our quarters is you,” you cross your arms over your chest, “where is it?” 

At that, he whips his head around to throw you a scowl, “I told you, I didn’t touch it. I don’t even know what it looks like.” 

“That’s a load of bullcrap. You’ve seen it before.” 

"If you haven’t noticed, I don’t really give a rat’s ass about your stuff, nor do I have any interest in reading your personal matters. So no, it’s not me,” he returns back to his horse and you’re tempted to throw a bucket at him when he’s not looking.

What an ass, you think to yourself as you storm away, anger bubbling up inside your stomach. 

Ever since you could remember, your parents had been constantly throwing you into Sangyeon’s arms as a reminder that you were to be his wife someday when you guys were of age to rule over the Kingdom of Gustale. It was your duty as a princess from the neighbouring Kingdom and you wouldn’t have minded it as much, if not for Sangyeon’s constant bitch-ass attitude towards you these past few years.

Growing up had been fun, to say the least. Before everything had turned like sour grapes, you and Sangyeon would spend endless days together, sharing stories from your own and going out on small adventures in the city. That was before responsibility had fallen onto both your shoulders, before summer was replaced by additional royalty lessons about managing the people and the economy of the Kingdom itself. 

You weren’t exactly sure when things started going downhill in your relationship. But it had been sudden; the way Sangyeon had withdrawn from you as distant as the wind, the way his features -- which you were used to seeing so soft and open -- had hardened considerably whenever he was meant to interact with you. You had never had the nerve to ask him about it, but it was clearly not your fault. 

How could it be? It was almost like you had snapped your fingers, and the Sangyeon you knew was gone.

And time is fast in slipping through your fingers, for it’s only a few days until your actual betrothal. 

Another sigh escapes your lips as you think of the bleak future ahead. Before, marrying Sangyeon wouldn’t have bothered you that much. Now though, it seemed like you were readying yourself to walk through the gates of hell.

The preparations for the Royal Engagement ceremony take up most of your time, which successfully steer your thoughts away from the big elephant in the room you have yet to address. You busy yourself organizing the tables, going through the list of decorations, and spending as much free time walking along the docks to greet the merchants going back and forth to the sea like it’s their second home. 

It’s only when night falls that it becomes a challenge. As a way to encourage your intimacy, the Royal family had decided it suitable for you to spend your nights in Sangyeon’s royal quarters. That wouldn’t normally bother you as much. But with Sangyeon’s coldness, you find yourself most of the time slipping away in the middle of the night to curl up in one of the library’s couches.

So it comes as a surprise when you hear Sangyeon’s alto float through the air. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, hairbrush in hand, you pause in mid-action. Have you just heard wrong or--?

“Y/N.” 

You blink. Hesitate a few seconds. “What?” 

Another pause.

“Have you--” his voice is gruff, coming from the room itself. You wish you can see him, “have you found it?” 

“My diary?” 

“Yeah.” 

You resume brushing your hair, “no.”

Another awkward silence takes hold of the room and you’re not sure whether you should be filling it with short talk. 

Your heart jolts in your throat when you hear him once more, “I didn’t steal it, Y/N. If that’s what you think.” 

Biting your lip, you nod, before realizing he can’t see you, “I know.” 

“Good.” 

That’s possibly the nicest he’s ever been since...well, ever since. 

You try not to ponder too much over the meaning behind Sangyeon’s gentle demeanour, knowing full well that it only leads to disappointment in the long run. Quickly untangling the knots from your hair before moving towards your bedroom, you’re surprised to find that he’s still sitting up, blinking up at you as though waiting that you’ll join him for the night. 

“What?” You can’t help but ask the moment your eyes meet for a second too long.

His eyes slide away in growing embarrassment, “I--Uhm, are you--are you going to bed for the night?” 

“Yes?” Confusion falls over your face. 

He turns his head away so that you’re graced with his profile, and you can’t help but admire the strong jawline he sports, his plump lips that every girl would die for, “I was just asking, because I know you tend to sleep in the library.”

“Oh,” realization dawns on you, and while the first thing that scratches the back of your tongue is an apology, your mind reels back when you realize that you don’t really owe him anything.

“Well, uhm--” you rack your brains for an answer, “I thought you weren’t comfortable with me sleeping in the same bed as yours.” 

His mutter is so soft you would’ve missed if it you hadn’t been paying attention, “I really don’t mind.” 

That’s how you find yourself, curled up on your side and away from the said prince of Gustale, hands tucked under your head and trying to take up as little space as you possibly can. You can feel the heat of his body radiating from his side of your bed, practically bathing your entire backside, and though Sangyeon’s bed is big enough to accomodate the two of you, it’s quite modest in comparison to what the King and Queen have in their sleeping quarters. One wrong move in his direction will ultimately cause your limbs to brush, no question.

The first night is definitely awkward. You try not to bring it up, and Sangyeon does an amazing job at hiding what’s really going on in his mind. But as more time passes, you start picking up on things that he’s starting to do differently. For starters, he now engages in quiet conversation with you at meal times, asking whether you’re finding your way around the palace, or grudgingly passing you plates of food without so much as a protest. He’d asked the maids to keep tabs on what made you uncomfortable so that he could change what didn’t sit well with you, unknown to your knowledge, and you’d only found out later when one of the guards had accidentally let it slip that the prince seemed to be ‘putting it a lot more effort nowadays’. 

Not that it had helped, since you’re still left empty-handed, with all your thoughts and private feelings probably tucked away in someone else’s desk drawer. 

Sangyeon’s sudden bout of generosity and consideration makes your heart warm. You slowly start softening towards the said man, until you hear a pair of court ladies mumbling amongst themselves on the eve of the Royal Engagement. 

“The Prince and the Princess have been getting quite cozy lately.” 

“No wonder,” the other woman scoffs, causing Y/N to back up against the nearby wall, ears focused on their conversation, “after all, he knows what he’s got to do after their marriage. Maybe he wants to get an early start.” 

“You think so? The prince doesn’t strike me as the type to sway women only for his physical needs.” 

“Well, she will definitely be the bearer of his children. So he surely must get into her good books.” 

At this point, you’re already walking towards his quarters with your heart palpitating in your chest and your legs going numb from the women’s earlier discussion. Is it true? You ask yourself as you absentmindedly open his room door. You close it softly behind you, pressing your back against it while the words slowly digest themselves in your head.

If what the court ladies are saying, then it makes sense why Sangyeon is acting all nice all of a sudden without reason. He merely wants to get the job done as quickly as possible, so that he can be done with you and just throw you into a corner like a used item of clothing he’d outgrew. 

That doesn’t seem to sit well in your stomach. You manage to get yourself to the toilet just in time to throw up your entire dinner.

That is where Sangyeon finds you, a few minutes later, heaving and gasping into the toilet bowl while your hands are gripping the edges for dear life. Your face is dotted with perspiration, your face probably flushed from the effort. You know, without looking at your reflection, that you’ve had better days.

“Did you eat something wrong?” he crouches down beside you, a tentative hand fluttering against your backside. It makes you shiver, the warmth of his palm, still not used to his body being so close.

You manage to shake your head, “no,” you mutter, spitting some remaining saliva before you try moving towards the sink. Sangyeon’s arms are around your shoulders in an instant, helping you up to allow you to wash your hands.

You force your gaze down towards your hand, trying to busy yourself with the task at hand so that you won’t have to see the concerned expression he’s plastered over his face just to convince you that his affection is genuine. 

“What happened?” he follows you into the bedroom, though it’s clear at this point that you want to burrow underneath the covers and hide forever. You do just that, kicking off your shoes and ignoring the prince’s questions that would’ve once made your heart flutter with affection.  Now though, you’re not really sure what you should be feeling towards Sangyeon.

Feeling the bed dip as he sits at your bedside, you can’t help but flinch when his hand pushes a stray strands of hair away from your face, “talk to me, Y/N. Was it something at dinner? Do you feel unwell? Have you caught the stomach flu? It seems to be going around a lot these days. Maybe it’s something you caught when you were out by the docks--” 

“I’m fine,” you cut him off and close your eyes, “leave me alone.” 

There’s a pause and you force your muscles to relax despite feeling the heat of his gaze zeroing on your face.

“Y/N?” he starts, his alto unsure and confused, “did something happen? Was it something I said?” 

“No,” you mutter.

“Then what is it?” 

“Nothing. I said leave me alone.” 

“Y/N come on, don’t start playing those games with me,” his hand reaches for your shoulder, only for you to jerk away from his hold. Hurt flashes across Sangyeon’s face, though he is adept at masking it into indifference, hand hanging in mid-air. 

“Jesus, Y/N,” he finally says in the silence that prevails, “we can’t be arguing on the eve of your engagement, for christ’s sake.” 

“Is it true?” you blurt out before your mind can stop your heart from rearing in pain, “is it true that you’re only being nice to me because you want to bed me?” 

Silence. A pause. Then, “who told you this?” 

You shrug but decide not to answer. 

Only to be pulled back to face Sangyeon a second later, his arm latched onto your shoulder so that you meet his darkened gaze, coated with restrained anger. His jaw clenches as he repeats, “who told you, Y/N?” 

“Is it true?” your eyes lock on his, “is it true then? Do you just want to get into my pants?” 

“No, it’s not true. But that’s not going to help my case is it?” he sighs, “listen Y/N. People talk a lot, and there’s bound to always be rumours flying around--” 

“So then why?” you cut him off with a scowl, “why are you acting so nice to me when you haven’t been for the past five years?” 

You try to search for any indication on his face, but Sangyeon being Sangyeon, he knows exactly how to close himself off, hide behind a mask of nonchalance so that it’s almost impossible to guess what might be making the cogs in his head turn. 

“Can I tell you something without you shouting at me?” his murmur is so soft, so unlike his usual cold demeanour, that you nod in agreement, willing to at least hear him out.

“I read your diary.” 

Your jaw drops, “You what?! You liar!” You shoot up, slapping him on the shoulder out of pure instinct, “you said you didn’t know where it was!” 

“It’s under the bed, I technically found it there so-- ouch woman!” he rubs his now injured shoulder, “can I continue? You promised you wouldn’t get aggressive.”

You keep glaring at him as he continues. 

“The things you wrote--I didn’t know that you were hurting so much. I thought that keeping my distance was what you wanted,” he bites the inside of his cheek, “I didn’t want you thinking I was being nice just because we’re meant to be married, especially since I liked you so much. So I tried avoiding you, tried to distance myself so that you’d come to me out of your own free will,” he presses his lips together, eyebrows drawn into a frown, “but then...I read your diary and realized that you--that it was hurting you, more than it was doing you good. You know? And that--that hurt me.”

“So it has nothing to do with the fact that you just want to have sex?” 

His ears flush a joyous red, so vividly oblivious that your inner mind screams out at how cute he is. 

“It has nothing to do with that,” he stammers out. “So you don’t want to have sex with me?” Now you know you’re only pulling his leg, but it’s even more precious to see him ducking his head as the flush reaches the tips of his ears, “I--I never--I never said that! I--well, I mean, you--you’re going to be my wife after all so--obviously, you --you know I kinda...” he scratches the back fo his neck, clearly uncomfortable with all the questions you fire at him, “I kinda already...thought about it.” 

You can’t help it. You burst out laughing in his face and revel at how red he becomes as he splutters out, “it’s--it’s not funny.” 

“Oh god,” you clamp a hand over your mouth in an attempt to stop yourself, though it’s quite a pathetic attempt, since even Sangyeon’s mouth tugs up into a mirroring grin. 

“So are we good now?” He murmurs while his hand unconsciously lands upon yours. It’s soft, warm from his heat. It feels good, it feels...safe. 

Your heart skips a beat, “yes Sangyeon. We are. We’re good.” 

“Good,” he clears his throat thickly, bites down onto his lower lip as if in thought while his thumb traces soft patterns over your knuckles. It almost feels normal to have him so close, it’s like your body knows that he’s the one you’ll be sharing the rest of your life with.

And then, a memory of his little speech comes floating back before your very eyes. 

“Wait,” your eyes snap up to his own confused ones, “you said you liked me?” 

He opens his mouth, closes it in realization that he indeed had let it slip. 

“Yeah,” he finally mumbles while looking away, ‘Yeah. I like you Y/N. I’ve liked you a lot, for a long time.” 

Your entire body springs up in warmth, “why didn’t you tell me?” you whisper out hoarsely. 

Turning towards you so that there’s only millimetres between you, your eyes fall onto the soft curve of his collarbones underneath his white shirt, quickly snapping away to stop yourself from getting any wild ideas. 

“How could I?” he croaks out, “this whole betrothal thing is planned. I wanted to love someone truly, without titles. I loved you, not because I was betrothed to you. You were just--” his gaze flickers to your lips, “you.”

“Well maybe if you had told me sooner, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” 

“Maybe.”

“Sangyeon,” his dark orbs are swirling with warmth, with a tenderness that causes butterflies to shimmer across your chest when your gazes lock, “I really appreciate what you did. These past few days.” 

He chuckles softly, “that’s nothing to thank me for, princess.”

Sitting there with Sangyeon at your side, with his hand resting on yours and your bodies so close you can smell his cologne mixed with the natural scent of wood and summer breeze -- a scent that can only be defined as Sangyeon’s -- it almost feels like you’re part of a family. Your heart swells with emotion at the thought; maybe it’s not so bad after all, to be betrothed to someone like Sangyeon.

It takes a few seconds for you to realize he’s calling your name softly. Looking up into his doe brown orbs gleaming with an open kind of understanding, you find that you can’t possibly look away. The intensity of his gaze is enough to send your heart galloping out of your chest, and when you take a shaky inhale to calm yourself, you realize how close your faces actually are, so close you can see the tiniest freckles spattering across his cheek like galaxies of their own.

You wish to say something. Anything that might save you from staring at him like he’s a piece of art you can’t take your eyes off. But the words get stuck in the back of your throat like sandpaper, a gasp being the only thing that draws out of your mouth when you feel his hand gently cup your chin. 

Sangyeon’s thumb brushes against your lower lip and instantly, you feel your skin explode in goosebumps. He moves a little closer and the gasp that dies in the back of your throat catches his attention fully. 

It seems like ages go by without as much of an exchange. The world slips away, with only you and Sangyeon gazing into each other’s eyes, both trying to play it safe and yet, there’s definitely something in the air, the electricity that tingles along your spine is definitely not fantasy. 

Your hands ball into fists upon impulse. You can barely breathe, hearing your heart slamming against your ribcage. 

He leans a little closer. His mouth brushes against yours. Barely. 

Your breath hitches, body tensing up slightly.

And then he’s kissing your next breath away, arms lacing around your middle to pull you close while his lips slants over yours in the most sensual caresses that leaves you gasping. You melt right into his arms and he doesn’t hesitate to hold you up, his touch leaving searing paths of hot heat like an imprint that kept you reeling and wanting for more.

It’s only when your back hits the mattress that you realize that you’re lying down with Sangyeon hovering over you, breath staggering and muscles bunching up so that he can kiss you some more, a little deeper each time your mouths collide to ignite sparks behind your lids. Your hands slip around his shoulders to wrap around his torso, traveling up to his hair, his beautiful dark hair that slips through your fingers like silk, and the groan that echoes through his chest causes heat to pool inside your stomach.

With a knee pressing down between your own so that another gasp falls from your lips, the prince’s hands trace a sensual path along your stomach, trailing up to ghost over your chest. You breathe out softly, the smallest of whimpers escaping your mouth. That seems to please him, for his tongue darts out to part your lips with the softest of groans. 

It feels so good to have him against you, his heat pooling around yours in a comfortable safe haven that elicits nothing but desire. 

When he pulls away for air, you can’t help but whine at the loss of contact while tugging his neck back down in an attempt to steal another kiss from his lips.

Sangyeon lets out a throaty growl, “Y/N, princess, I don’t think that’s such a--” his words die into a moan the moment your mouth starts nibbling along his collarbone. His grip tightens around your waist, and before you know it, you’re backed up against the headboard of the bed right before his lips take yours in once more in a sinful dance of tongues.

“Y/N,” he groans against your mouth, hips unintentionally bucking up against yours when your soft curves roll in delicious desire, taunting him to take it a step further, “baby, stop...”

it is a surprise that he manages to wrench himself away, chest heaving and lips swollen. Your eyes flutter up to his face with a mixture of desire and affection clouding your gaze. 

“We can’t,” his soft murmur causes you to shiver. He proceeds to caress your cheekbone, “we’re going to lie down and sleep. And we’re not going to ruin this, not tonight.” 

You roll your eyes, though you smile softly “fine.” 

He flashes you another tender smile, then moves towards his side of the bed, tugging you along as he goes. With your head resting on his chest and with one arm wrapped securely around your waist, you allow your ear to be comforted by the soft heartbeats echoing through his chest, a soft reminder that this man’s heart beats for yours, and will beat for yours till the end of time.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You smile sleepily, “good night, Sangyeon.” 

You’re almost falling into the depths of sleep when you feel his mouth press a chaste kiss to your forehead.

---

[phantaloon-books]

All We Are is Bullets

AFTG songfic, Andreil centric, Andrew POV, inspired by Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance

Trigger warnings:  violence, graphic descriptions of violence, death, major character death, gunshots, guns, gunshot wounds, injury, angst, hurt no comfort, sad ending, blood, car crash, life on the run. This one’s on the heavy side sorry.

Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard

I would drive on to the end with you, a liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full

It had been over 7 months since they last had an encounter with anyone from the Moriyamas or the remaining of the Butcher’s people. 

They had grown too comfortable, too soft. Andrew wasn’t even sure how that happened, considering both his and Neil’s upbringing, but it happened anyway. They were reckless and careless, jumping from town to town along the United States, jump starting cars and making gas station stops and robbing liquor stores, and they’d grown to feel safe.

What a ridiculous thing it is, safety. Neither Andrew nor Neil should be able to afford to feel safe.

But they did. 

And these are the consequences. 

Andrew shakes his head, pressing harder on the gas, willing the stolen sports car to just go faster. One hand on the wheel, the other hand hovering over Neil’s pressed against the bleeding wound on his stomach. 

Neil’s breaths are getting rougher, and Andrew tightens his hand on the wheel. Of course Neil notices, and icy blue eyes look up towards haunted hazel. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry, I’ve dealt with worse, it’s gonna be fine,” Neil’s words are supposed to be soothing, but his voice is too hoarse for them to work. Andrew snarls.

“Shut the fuck up, Josten, just stay awake, I’ll get us out of here, and we’ll stop soon to patch you up.”

“They’re gonna be on our tails soon, Drew, I don’t-”

He breaks off in a coughing fit, his lungs rattle, and when he pulls his hand away from his mouth, Andrew sees the red that paints his hand. Andrew swears his soul leaves his body.

“I’ll pull over on the next stop-”

“Andrew, we don’t have time to stop right now, you know we don’t, it’s fine, I’ll be fine, if we stop we’re dead.”

Andrew knows that’s true, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate it. Instead he holds on to Neil’s hand tighter, and Neil’s expression softens.

“Until the end, forever, remember?”

I will drive until the end with you. I mean this forever.

This isn’t supposed to be their lives. They were supposed to be done after the shitshow that was Neil’s freshman year. The Moriyamas were supposed to leave Neil alone. The FBI was supposed to deal with what was left of the Wesninski circle. They never should have trusted the feds to do their fucking job. Instead what was left of the Wesninski claimed war on the Moriyamas and Hatfords. Ichirou was beyond furious, with both Wesninskis and Hatfords out for blood and revenge. And he blamed it all on Neil. 

Andrew would never understand the Moriyama lord’s logic. To blame a mob war on a 19 year old kid, whose only crime was being born to two mob families, one of which was tied to the yakuza. 

But they were out for Neil’s blood then. Had nearly killed him outside the Court the first time, he would have been shot in the head if it wasn’t for his incredibly quick instincts. The shot hit his shoulder instead. They didn’t wait for a second time, Andrew just shoved their stuff in a bag, took Neil’s remaining money and together they ran. He only left a letter for Aaron, and he didn’t regret leaving their family behind. 

Neil had been upset with Andrew at first.

“You have no idea what you just did, Andrew! You have no idea what it’s like to run for your life every single day, not knowing if you’re gonna live long enough to see the next, you have no idea what you just did!”

“I don’t care about that, Neil.”

“You should! This isn’t a little adventure, this isn’t a road trip, this is fighting to stay alive, and bullets and knives and hiding and lying forever!” his voice broke, and dropped to a whisper, “I never wanted to put you through this.”

“You’re not understanding me here, I’m trying to show you but you don’t understand. You mean too much to me to care about all the things you’re saying, I’d end my days in a hail of bullets to keep you safe, I would drive on to the end with you, I’ll keep running with you to prove to you how much you mean to me.”

Leaving bought them 4 more years. 

Until today. 

Until the end of everything.

The sun is going down on the highway as Andrew floors it, going too high above the speed limit running from Neil’s demons. But he’d signed up for this, as Neil had so kindly put it. Neil’s hand trembles, growing cold. His blood is slowly pooling on the car seat below him. He fights to hide his grimace, but his face is pulled tightly in pain anyway. 

“I’m going to fucking stop, Neil.”

“Goddammit, Andrew! No, we can’t afford to stop, right now!”

I’m trying to let you know how much you mean.

“Andrew, we’re not stopping, I can hang on however long we need to get somewhere safe.”

“Nowhere is safe, Neil, we’ll never stop,” Andrew can’t help the snarl, anger is curling inside his chest and it’s too much, “You’re bleeding out, don’t you understand? We need to stop now.”

“I know this is frustrating for you, Drew, I get it, but we have to wait until we reach somewhere safer-”

“Goddammit, Neil-”

The car is thrown forward at once, and Andrew has to take both of his hands to the wheel to stop the car from veering sideways and crashing. With a curse, he takes a look through the rearview mirror, and he curses once more.

Fuck.

They’d been too busy arguing to notice the black SUVs and trucks on their tails. There’s a lot of them, nondescript, but obviously Moriyama. Andrew’s heart starts to race, as he wills the car to go faster, beyond its own limits. But there’s too many of them. There’s no way they’ll make it out this time. 

He glances at Neil, blank mask long forgotten, worry and dread and terror seeping out of him like it never has before. Because Neil is crying softly, despite the serenity of his entire posture. Tears are streaming down his face, eyes closed but body and face relaxed. 

The car is nearing 200 mph when Neil opens his eyes, tears flowing freely. The black SUVs are getting impossibly closer, caging them on the sides. 

“I’m so sorry, Drew,” Neil’s voice is a shattered whisper, and it breaks Andrew’s already shattering heart, “I never wanted to get you involved in all of this, I never wanted this life for you, I’m so so sorry, I ruined your life.”

“Shut the fuck up, Neil, I chose this, I chose to run with you, I wanted-” the words are stuck in his throat and he can’t get them out. I wanted to spend however much time was left with you. That’s how much you mean to me. That’s how much this means to me. “I meant it then, and I mean it now, Neil Josten, until the end.”

Neil’s eyes are pained, something like grief and sorrow shining through the icy blue. But he still forces himself to smile, as if he can read what Andrew thought, and Andrew knows full well he does. 

“We’ll show them all how much we mean.”

The first shot comes from Andrew’s side and he barely manages to dodge the bullet that cuts through the glass like it’s nothing, shattering the window at once. Neil crouches with a cry, and Andrew shoots a glance his way as much as he can as he attempts to keep the car under control. Neil’s right shoulder is bleeding, the window on his side just as shattered as his own. Andrew didn’t even notice the car getting close enough to Neil’s side, or the shot aimed his way. Neil feels his stare, the overwhelming alarm and horror that drowns Andrew from the inside, and turns pained yet calm eyes his way.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”

Understanding.

Neil knows he’s not going to make it, they are not going to make it. This is going to be their last run. With a deep breath, Andrew buries all the fear and worry deep down, and stares at Neil with nothing but determination.

“I’m about to get us killed, but when it stops, we run in the other direction and into the city, we hide as best as we can.” The or die trying goes unsaid, but Andrew knows Neil understands, he always does. 

“I love you, until the end of everything.”

Andrew stares at Neil, and he wants to say I love you too, you mean everything to me, but instead what comes out is “Hang on, tight,” and he hits the brakes at once.

Despite Andrew’s eidetic memory should make sure that he remembers what happens next, but it’s all a blur, and when he can get to consciousness and focus his eyes, it’s to Neil half carrying him as he limps his way down the highway, looking frantically behind him. A quick glance behind them and Andrew sees the wreck he left behind; cars pile one on top of the other, some are on fire, including the one they were driving, and they set each other aflame, like pouring fuel on scarecrows. Moriyama men are dragging themselves out of the cars, and trying to find a way out of the wreck. Andrew can’t help the smile. He didn’t think they’d make it after braking a car going 200 mph, but he somehow manages to make his legs listen to him, as his ears echo. 

Neil notices when he feels Andrew take back some of his own weight, turns a bloodied and dirty face at him, and smiles back brightly. Neither of them have much hope of making it to the other side of the road and finding a place to hide, but in that one second, they begin to run hand in hand, and things are okay, despite Neil’s bleeding wounds, and Andrew’s aching head.

They both know it won’t last long, so Andrew pulls Neil for a kiss, as long as he dares to, it’s merely a brush of their lips, but it’s everything that matters. 

They’re about to reach the other lane when the first shot rings through the air, but Neil’s always bright instincts pull them both out of the way. They would be helpful if there were two or three men, but Andrew risks a glance back. There are dozens of men regaining their composure, readying their weapons, and before he knows what’s happening, both Neil and him are hitting the ground hard. 

Neil just pushed him.

And then the bullets come, lead rain passing through phantoms.

He’s too disoriented at first, but then burning pain lights his body, like nothing he has ever felt before. He gasps, but he pushes through the pain, and forces himself to look around. He doesn’t have to look far, he finds what he needs next to him.

“Neil! Neil!” His voice seems far, far away, but Neil is looking up at the blue, blue sky, breath coming in insignificant little huffs, more like sighs than breaths. Blood is pooling underneath them. “Neil, look at me, stay with me.”

Moving hurts, burns, but he makes himself push through it harder, until he’s somehow leaning on his side, with a clear view of Neil. Neil who’s bleeding too much. Neil who has too many bullet holes on his body. Neil who just pushed him to the side to protect him. Neil who is bleeding out. Neil who despite everything turns his head so he’s facing Andrew, even if his eyes are still looking up. 

Andrew’s own eyes are blurring with unshed tears, and he blindly reaches forward to grab Neil’s hand lying limply by his side. 

He feels like he’s falling.

Neil’s lips are turning red, and he’s coughing, choking, trying to force out words that can’t come out. He gasps and moans in agony, and Andrew’s own chest hurts, not just from the bullets he couldn’t escape. This is it, a pool of blood, falling and touching hands.

“Neil, look at me, look at me, it’s gonna be alright, we’re gonna be alright.”

Andrew’s own voice is cracking. He doesn’t understand how Neil remains awake, but his stubborn idiot rabbit is still breathing. With another strained whine and a choked sob, their eyes meet at last. Icy blue and deep hazel, one last time.

And Andrew is falling, falling, falling.

He squeezes Neil’s hand as tightly as he can, and chokes out a whisper despite the metallic taste flooding his mouth, “It’s okay, we’ll be okay, just let go, it’s okay.”

He feels the thuds of footsteps approaching, but black is already creeping at the edges of his vision, his eyelids are growing heavy, and Neil’s own breaths are coming slower.

Neil closes his eyes, and Andrew closes his as Neil’s shredded chest stops moving.

I’ll meet your eyes, I mean this, forever.

lol sorry

read on ao3

[whostarlockeda03]

20, 28, and 29 for Nyx and/or Cor for the headcanon asks?

Hello my dear!

So fun thing, I had most of this answer drafted for you, and then like an idiot I managed to let my laptop die and lost it XD

Nothing makes me realise how active I am on tumblr until I have to scroll back through all the posts I reblog to re-find an ask meme

Anyway, so here is take two!

20. What's their idea of a perfect vacation?

Cor: Cor likes easy vacations, with lots of time he can spend relaxing and not thinking about anything terribly important. I imagine a nice, sunny climate (not necessarily a beach) where he can lie back with a good book and lose himself for a while. Maybe he'll go check out some local attractions, but only if he feels like it. There's no solid plan and he likes it that way.

Nyx: If anyone knows any one thing about Nyx, it's that he hates being bored. And that includes on his holidays! He likes to go to places where he can go out and do. Hiking path? Great! Chocobo trek? Brilliant! Somewhere he can go climbing?! Best Holiday Ever!!!! . He also enjoys learning about the difference in cultures in regions outside of Insomnia, so he finds exploring a local market or the ruins of a temple or something like that equally as fun. There is also no plan, but that's only so he can pick the days with the best weather to go do his adventuring.

Together: They'd probably commandeer a haven near Cauthess to camp in and hike over to the chocobo post. They'd hire out a couple of chocobos, and then run day trips as they want to. Nyx would trek out to the rings to spend a day climbing, which would leave Cor some peaceful reading time, and then maybe they could hit up Lestallum for a bit. Perhaps another day (or night, since these are my crazy reckless boys, after all) is spent exploring the ruins of Costlemark tower.

But the bit they both secretly enjoy most is being able to cosy up together in front of a fire at the end of everyday before they head to bed.

28. What's their morning schedule?

Cor: He likes to give himself ample time to be ready in the mornings. If he has to be in work for seven, he'll be up at six. It gives him time to get up, have a shower, fix himself a hearty breakfast (He used to skip the meal entirely, but he learnt the hard way that being Marshal sometimes meant forgoing lunch so now he makes sure he's eaten something), and have at least one cup of coffee before he has to get dressed and set off. He almost always gets to work early, but he likes to give himself plenty of time to travel just in case there's traffic.

Nyx: Nyx is not naturally a morning person. He gets up early only because he has to, so he likes fitting in as much sleep as he can. He showers on an evening, just so he doesn't have to get up to shower. Besides, who showers in the morning just to go to training and get all sweaty? His alarm is set for twenty minutes before he has to leave. Five of those minutes are for fixing his braids (if they need touching up, if not then those five minutes are spent watching random videos on his phone), and five more of those minutes are for dealing with the quite frankly horrifying amount of buttons on his uniform coat while he's still half asleep. The other ten are dedicated to coffee drinking and then face-washing/tooth-brushing. Then he's out the door.

Cor would never admit it but watching Nyx sleep in closer and closer to the time he has to leave sometimes gives him an ulcer on his behalf.

29. Any past injuries?

Cor: Cor has many past injuries, the worst of which came from his fight with Gilgamesh (again, a subject I will be touching on at some point in the next instalment of the I Will Be series).

Thing is, most people are never even aware of the worst one, as it's hidden in Cor's hair. In fact, Cor keeps his hair short just to hide how his hair doesn't grow evenly over it. Regis, Clarus, Wesk, and Cid know that scar's there because they were there when Cor got it, but aside from them, the only people who know about it is limited to people who have ever combed through Cor's hair with their fingers. Cor can count on one hand the amount of people that is.

It's also the reason Cor doesn't like his head being touched much. He only lets those he trusts the most ever do it.

Nyx: See, now it's on my list of fics to write to have a little piece about Nyx's injuries/scars and how he got them. And that idea is mostly based around the high res render of shirtless-Nyx that went around a little while ago, as it highlights some very interesting scars.

The one across his forehead I think comes from combat, either in Galahd before the fall, or after with the glaives. I'm not mentioning the ones on his chest/abdomen because I have a couple of different stories centred around them and I don't wanna spoil them! Now the one on his forearm, I like to think came from something during the fall of Galahd, like... idk maybe a building collapsing nearby sent shrapnel flying his way? Something like that.

Nyx isn't overly bothered by his scars though - almost everyone he knows has scars as well, so there's less of a stigma to them. He just sometimes wishes he had less of them because they tend to hurt a lot when it's cold.

Sorry if any of this doesn't make sense, I'm doing this off the back of not very much sleep/being interrupted to do other things XD As always, anyone and everyone please come chat to me in the notes/asks/tags, I love talking about this game so much

[salt-warrior]

Alright folks... it’s time for me to forever shame myself, because I’m publishing a crack fic. I’ve NEVER done that before because I usually just write crack fics for my own enjoyment, but this crack fic was inspired by a post that @impossiblesuitcase wrote. So thank you for that, lovely. Also thank you @cosmicnovaflare for pushing me to write this, I love you always. 

This crack fic is a crossover of three of my own fanfictions. So if you have not red Unsinkable, The Echo of Silence, and The Time it Takes to Fall, then literally none of this will make any sense. All three play vital roles in this story. Seriously, you’ll be in the dark so don’t read it unless you’ve read all of them.

Again, this is a crack fic so it’s even more wildly unrealistic than my other writing. And I am also going to pretend I never wrote it because I am ashamed. The original endings are the real endings in my mind. You have been warned. 

So without further ado, I present you with 6,249 words of crack fic that I wrote in one sitting yesterday instead of doing my homework. Enjoy.

Tags: @shellyseashell @cindersassasin @gingerale2017  @healing-winston-pratt @winterrhayle @just2bubbly @f-r-o-p @idkchatie (I’m only tagging the people who were really angry with Unsinkable because I think a lot of you have read all three of those stories? If not, then sorry for the tag, I love you guys<333)

Until Forever Ends

Before Kai’s father had passed away, he’d told Kai to pursue what he needed to find peace. He’d probably meant something along the lines of falling in love with another girl or switching up his career. Surely he hadn’t intended for his son to look into the mythical sisters of life and death.

It had been a long day, with him first going to his father's funeral, then to see Cinder's gravesite one last time. He hated leaving her there, but he had hope that when they would meet again, he would speak to her and not a marble headstone.

He'd mailed notes to all his friends that morning. To Scarlet and Wolf, Jacin and Winter, and Cress. He'd detailed an adventure across the world that he would be having. After all, his father had left everything he owned to Kai, and he wanted to make the most of living. Of course it was all a fantastic lie; he was traveling the world, and perhaps it would be an adventure, but it was more of a journey than anything else. And he didn't plan on ever coming home.

Because even if he found what he was looking for, he couldn't return to his friends. They wouldn't understand—they couldn't understand.

So he would travel to the ends of the Earth, and he would find her.

***

Kai sat on a sandy beach, the waves lapping up over his legs, his nostrils filling with the scent of salt. The sky was gray and the air cold, but he could not feel its bitter sting. His clothes were torn ragged and his hair grown long and shaggy. If one were to gaze upon him, they would believe him to be insane. But he did not care. He was on the hunt for the sisters of life and death— and he was close.

It had been months since his father’s funeral; months since he’d left Cinder’s grave back in Arizona. He’d flown across the sea and traveled to lands he hadn’t even known existed. He’d slept under the stars and beneath the blanket of darkness. He’d listened to stories of people who lived their lives over and over in search of love and those who had been played for fools. He’d seen much and learned even more.

He’d heard tales of the two sisters: one life and the other death. They began as whispered fairy tales, told to him by drunkards and fools. But as he investigated further, he discovered that the sisters were real.

They existed throughout all the lands of the world, always under different names. In some lands they were simply Life and Death, while in others they were Angel and Demon or creatures of the Earth. He simply knew them as Light and Darkness. He only hoped to call out to the sister of light and life, not the one of darkness and death.

Throughout all his travels, no one had ever been able to tell him how to call each sister, only that they came to the cries of the brokenhearted who claimed, and fervently meant, that they would do anything to bring their love back to them. It had to be a plea for love that consumed one’s entire soul— but his soul was filled with Cinder, and Cinder alone.

He watched the black sea as it foamed about him. There had been conflicting views as to where one had to be when summoning either of the sisters. Some claimed that the person had to be in the place of their lover’s birth, while others explained that you had to be in the exact place of their final breath. One woman had even claimed that without the body of his dead lover still warm in his arms, he could not bring her back. Kai had shivered at that proclamation, with Cinder dead and in the ground for well over a year.

But there had been one account that had remained etched in his mind. A scholar somewhere in Europe, who had quoted the lines of Edgar Allen Poe’s last poem to Kai.

“And neither the angels of Heaven above

Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.”

“The sea would be the best place to call one of the sisters to you,” the scholar had said. “For that is their home. With the Angel above and the Demon below, they will hear your cries.”

So Kai went to the sea.

Slowly the gray sky melded into black, allowing for the stars to dot the emptiness and the moon to shine across the waves with hints of white light. He knew he should have been cold, and perhaps he was, but there was nothing left in him but the aching wish to be with Cinder once more.

“Cinder,” he whispered her name through chapped lips. “My love. I would do anything–” his voice broke off with a sob, tears falling like the spray of the ocean. “Anything,” he reiterated. “To be with you again.”

The waves of the sea began to swirl about him, pulling him off the beach and out into the waves. He screamed as his head dipped below the water, but a bubble of air had formed around him, preventing any wetness from glancing across his skin.

Everything seemed to grow lighter, despite the darkness he had remembered seeing. The waves danced about him in hues of deep purple and foam green. Fish swam around him in a flurry, and even the stars in the sky appeared to stand in closer proximity to himself.

Then everything slowed, and Kai found himself thrown back upon the sandy beach shore. He laid upon the ground, staring at the moon in the sky, which seemed within arms reach. He lifted a hand as if to touch it.

A hand reached out to brush against his fingers, and Kai pulled back. Silhouetted against the moon was the most glorious woman that Kai had ever beheld. There was no beauty comparable to her own. Her skin was dark and lined with gold tracings that resembled the very waves of the sea. She wore a dress of crimson that covered her figure elegantly, and jewelry of gold lined her ears and neck.

“Oh my stars,” she gasped, jumping back from him as she gazed upon his face. “It’s you.”

Kai was too shocked to speak. He dropped his hand back upon his chest as he looked up at her. His eyes mapped the kindness in her face and the confusion in her eyes as she gawked at him. All that he could register was that he was in the presence of an otherworldly being.

At long last her words caught up to his thoughts and puzzlement of his own registered in his mind. “Do we know one another?”

The woman’s face softened, and she shook her head slowly. “No, I suppose we do not. Or at the very least, not in this lifetime; not in this world. I am Light, the sister of life and all things which make life beautiful. For what reason do you weep so?”

Kai’s heart skipped a beat at her words. He pushed himself up so he rested upon his knees before her, looking up at her glorious face. She glowed, as if she were the moon itself, rather than just having it shine behind her.

“My wife,” Kai explained, “Cinder, died. She is gone from this life, and I wish to be with her again. I… I just wish to be with her again.”

“You are a fool to call down a deity on purpose. You could have just as easily received my sister,” Light exclaimed, though there was a certain sorrow hidden behind her gaze. “But you have been shadowed with luck upon this day. I can sense your pain, and the both of us know that you could call upon me only if your very soul screamed for your love and your love alone.

“I do not often grant requests of such a sort, unlike my sister, who joys in tricking lovers to be her slaves for all eternity. I find that traveling into the next world is the best option— that waiting for Darkness to collect you and transfer your soul fresh and new into another world is the best way to go.” She stopped speaking, then fell to her knees so she and Kai were at eye-level with one another. “But I have met your soul in another world— one where it knew only pain. I have met many creatures of the Earth through my eons of serving them. I aid those in all the universes known alongside my sister. But in all that time I have never stumbled upon the same man twice.

“And it is for that reason that I shall grant you your request,” Light said, touching her fingers against Kai’s cheek. She winced as she wiped the tears from his face.

Kai couldn’t breath, unable to process the words she was speaking to him. He would be with Cinder once more— she would be returned to him. All would be right in the world once more.

“However, I cannot reunite you with the girl you knew in this world,” Light explained with a sigh. “With your love gone for over a year, that piece of her soul has already passed into a new universe— it has been wiped of all her joy and all her sorrows. That piece of Cinder now abides somewhere else.”

Within an instant, Kai felt his world crumble into a thousand pieces. He hated himself for believing that it had been possible— that he could be with Cinder once more. But he was too late; he had waited too long. Now he would have to live the rest of this wretched life without her and hope to meet her in another universe.

“Do not fret, dear child,” Light chided, smoothing the hair back from his face in a motherly fashion. “For there is hope yet.”

“There is?” Kai asked.

“Yes; for while that fraction of Cinder that you know has vanished into another world, her soul still resides in other universes. You see, the soul lives thousands of lives, all in different realities. For it is not one solid being, it is an entity that never ceases to exist, and can exist in more than one place at once. The only problem being that the more time it spends in one universe, the more corrupt and destroyed it becomes. If your soul could recall other realities, you would understand of what I speak, for this was the exact circumstance under which we last met.”

Kai nodded along, pretending that he had even the faintest idea of what she was speaking of. She let out a great exasperated sigh, shaking her head. Light dropped her hand from his face and got to her feet.

“Your mortal mind cannot begin to comprehend the meaning of eternity. For while you shall live forever, you will not know it. There is a block upon your soul to cause you to forget; that is why it pains man so much to try and imagine living for forever.

“But that does not matter now. For when you are dead, your soul shall endure cleansing once more and be whisked off into another life in which you shall live and love and die again. Exhausting, isn’t it?”

Kai stared blankly, completely at a loss for words.

Light looked down upon him, stars shining in her eyes. “Dear child, there is another world in which your dearest love lived with you, but you were taken from her. Her soul aches for you in the way that yours aches for hers. I have never before transferred a soul to a different reality without death occurring first, but I have also never stumbled upon the same soul twice. Yours is a soul filled with more love and loss than any other I have come to know. So upon this night I shall reunite you with your love.”

The ocean began to swirl about them once more, pulling Kai into its great depths, but this time he did not scream. Light began to rise into the air, her arms spread wide as if to cup the moon above her hair. The wind howled, twisting the coils of her black hair about her face and the crimson swathes of fabric about her body. She was a glorious arrayment of red and gold and shining light.

Above the wind, Light shouted in a tongue lost to mortals, for it was the language of the first of mankind, and it had been forgotten. The sea continued to spin around Kai, fish of every color swimming about him. He was in the eye of an oceanic tornado.

Still Light rose higher into the air, pulling her crashing waves about her as she ascended toward the moon. All that Kai could see were the many sea creatures and the luminous goddess above him, growing brighter every moment.

A high-pitched scream filled his ears, though it was not a human one. It blocked out the sound of the waves and the echoing chants of Light above him. It filled his very being as the blinding light penetrated his soul.

And just as he wondered if this would be the destruction of his very soul, everything went black.

***

Kai awoke to the roar of the ocean, and felt an instant rush of cold tear through his body. His mind flashed with the memories of calling Light to him and begging her to send him to a life in which Cinder lived. He could recall the overwhelming light that had surrounded him, and the screaming that blocked out all other thoughts as the goddess rose above him in a tornado of the sea.

He pushed himself up and stared out at the waves. It was bright— the middle of the day by his reckoning— and warm. People stood in the ocean waves wearing an odd assortment of clothes rather than bathing suits. Or at least, they weren’t the kind of bathing suits that Kai knew.

A few people stared at him with quizzical looks, though Kai couldn’t deny that he probably deserved them. He wasn’t sure how long he had been laying upon the beach, though he was almost certain it had been some time.

“Are you alright, mister?” A kid asked, looking down at Kai. His cheeks were pink from sunburn, though it wasn’t particularly hot out.

“Yeah,” Kai said, getting to his feet and dusting off his jeans. The boy watched him warily. “Hey kid, what day is it?”

“December second,” the boy replied.

“And,” Kai scratched behind his ear. "What’s the year?”

The boy gawked at him for a moment, as if he thought Kai were either very dumb or very strange. “1912,” he said the year slowly, his slightly syrupy accent not helping. “What year did you reckon it to be?”

“I don’t know.” Kai glanced around, trying to gauge the situation. He didn’t know much about 1912. Actually, he knew nothing about it other than it was a couple years before World War I broke out. “Hey kid, where are we?”

The child, who couldn’t have been older than ten gave him an incredulous stare, then glanced over his shoulder, as if to check for his mother. “Savannah, sir,” he said.

“Savannah…”

“Georgia, sir,” the kid said, taking a couple steps back from Kai.

“Okay.” Kai sucked in a breath between his teeth, trying to think of what to do next. He was beginning to panic, for he did not know where to find Cinder in this different time and place. He didn’t even know if her name was Cinder, or even Selene.

“Hey kid?” Kai asked, glancing back down to talk to the boy, but he was running toward a woman glaring daggers at Kai.

Releasing a sigh, Kai walked away from the beach and toward the bustling town. People shot glares at him as he walked down the streets. He wasn’t exactly dressed in the way a normal twenty-first century guy would be, but his jeans and shredded red t-shirt didn’t fit in with the people surrounding him either. But there wasn’t a thing he could do about it; he had no money and no connections. He was alone in a world that did not belong to him. He couldn’t even be certain that Georgia meant the same thing to these people as it did him.

He was beginning to wonder if perhaps this was all some ridiculous dream, and whether or not he would wake up soon. But he’d thought that a lot over the past year, praying to whatever being that saw over mankind that Cinder wasn’t dead— that he wasn’t alone. That he could be with his wife once more.

And then he saw her.

Her hair was longer than she’d ever worn it in his reality, nearly reaching her waist, and she wore a pale pink dress that fell well past her knees. But if those details were strange, it was nothing in comparison to the buggy she was pushing in front of her. Kai felt his stomach drop. Was she married to another man? Had she chosen Thorne in this reality instead of him?

Panic gripped him, but before he could run and hide in an alleyway, she glanced up and right at his face. Her eyes widened with shock, then joy, then fear. It was that last look that made his heart ache. He had known Cinder for seven years, but never had she looked at him in such a way.

She sunk to her knees, hands gripping the front of the stroller. “Kai,” she breathed, staring at him now with absolute horror. A tear traced down her cheek and fell to the concrete like a single drop of rain. The pain on her face ripped through his body— he could not stand to watch her suffer so.

He rushed to her side, kneeling down upon the ground beside her, much like Light had done with him the night before, or whenever it was that he had spoken with the goddess. She shook as he brushed her hair from her face and cupped her cheek with his hand. “Cinder,” he whispered, voice low. “I know that this is confusing and frightening, but I need to talk with you. I have things to explain.”

“But you’re dead,” she sobbed, turning her face away from his and shutting her eyes tight. “You didn’t make it off the ship alive. They told me you drowned. They told me you were dead. You’re dead. You’re just a figment of my imagination. You can’t be real.”

“Cinder,” Kai hushed, glancing around them. There were people walking past them, staring with curious eyes, but none of them looked nervous for Cinder’s sake. “Cinder, I know that I’m dead here. And I know that my explanation for my being here might not make any sense, but I need to speak with you in private. I can explain everything. I will explain everything. I just need for us to go somewhere where we can’t be overheard.”

She opened her eyes and the look of absolute shame in her eyes caused his heart to stop. Tears traced down her cheeks in abundance; Kai had never known Cinder to cry in such a way. He worried that she would say no— that she had moved on. That his coming here was a burden upon her. But slowly, she nodded her head.

***

They went to a park just down the street from the beach. It was run-down, with a sad swing set of splintering seats and an abandoned jungle gym. There were no children around, or even any people for that matter, a fact that Kai found almost strange. Though at his inquisitive look, Cinder simply looked away from him.

She led him to a park table that sat somewhat lopsided but was sturdy all the same. She parked the buggy beside her, drawing the cover up so it shielded whatever was inside.

Kai took a seat across from her, bouncing his legs with nerves as he watched her and she looked away. He didn’t understand why she was acting in such a way. He hadn’t had much time to think of how he expected her to react to him appearing to her out of nowhere, but it definitely hadn’t been this. Confusion, yes. But this show of shame was frightening.

“Cinder,” Kai said, tilting his head in an attempt to get her to look at him. “Cinder, what’s the matter?”

She inhaled deeply, a great shuddering breath. Then finally, she looked at him. Her eyes were red and her cheeks puffy. But despite the remorse coloring her features, she was still his Cinder. She was the girl that he had met at ASU his Junior year in college. She was the girl he had fallen in love with.

“They told me that you died,” she whispered. “I-I–”

“Alright,” Kai cut in, not wanting her to believe that she had insulted his memory in any way. After all, he was dead in this reality. He did not wish for her to believe that anything she had done after his death was wrong. “Sorry, love, I really don’t mean to cause you any harm. I just– I don’t know how to explain what I’m about to tell you.” Somehow his words came out slow and calm, though he felt rather as if he were about to explode. “But I need to tell you something, and I only ask that you listen to the entirety of my story because it might sound somewhat preposterous.”

She nodded her head slowly, tears wiping at her eyes.

Kai told their story, starting from the day he had met her back when she still lived with her step-sister. He explained that he had loved her for five years in silence before finally proclaiming his love for her when she’d explained that she’d never been in love before. He told her how they had gotten married only three months later and lived two years together happily before she’d died in a dreadful car accident.

She listened silently, her tears drying and her eyes hardening and he explained how Thorne had been in love with her and how Kai had gotten into a fight with both him and her father. She never once interrupted him, even as he explained his months of mourning, then his months of searching for a way to conjure one of the sisters of life and death.

It was only when he told her of how Light had appeared to him on the beach and brought him to her world through an oceanic tornado filled with moonlight that she chose to interrupt.

“What?” She hissed, tilting her head at him in that I-don’t-believe-a-single-word-coming-out-of-your-mouth sort of a way. If she had been the Cinder of his universe, he knew that she would have asked him how high he was.

“I know it sounds ridiculous,” Kai said, “but you have to believe me. I know that I don’t belong here— that I’m not meant to live in this world. But before you died you told me that you believe in soulmates. That you thought that every person had another half. You told me when we got together that you could feel that it was right— that it was a whisper in your ear that it was me. And I didn’t believe in soulmates then, but I do now. My soul loves your soul. It has loved it in universes that I don’t even know of, but it adored you all the same. My love for you will never die, no matter how many times I die myself. You are the only one that I will ever love. I cannot help it. My soul cannot think to love another so long as it knows you.”

“But this doesn’t make any sense,” Cinder whispered, her guards coming down. “Even if you were from another universe and you loved me there, I assure you that you would not care for me in this one. Not after what I’ve done to you.”

“Did you kill me?” Kai asked, half curious and half terrified.

Cinder let out a slight, hiccupping laugh. Kai did not feel at ease.

“Cinder,” Kai said, growing serious once more. “I don’t know what happened here— what happened to me— but I know that no matter where we are in the space-time continuum, my soul will always love yours. But if you wish me to leave you, I will.” His mouth went dry with the words, but he meant them. No matter how much it hurt to be parted from her, he would do what she asked of him.

“I’m married,” Cinder blurted out. “After you died, I married Carswell. We were engaged to be married before I eloped with you in London, but when I came back and you were dead, Kingsley thought that it would be the best option. That it would be better for everyone, especially the–”

She buried her face in her hands, but all Kai could think of was that she had married Carswell Thorne— her best friend in his world. The one who had told her that he was in love with her the day that she died. The Carswell that had fought with him at Scarlet and Wolf’s house. His blood boiled with rage, though not with Cinder. She had done what she had to to survive. But Thorne— he would have gladly hit him again.

Kai sucked in a breath and returned his thoughts to the more pressing matters. He had no clue what had happened to him in this life. For all he knew, Carswell Thorne had killed him and forced Cinder to be his bride. Maybe that’s how things had worked back then. Kai was no history major, but he knew that honor was often important to people. Perhaps there had even been a duel.

“What happened to me?” Kai asked, his voice soft. “How did I die in this life?”

Cinder drew her hands down from her face, but kept her eyes averted from him as she said, “You drowned. We were on the Titanic–”

“The Titanic?” Kai interjected, with a gasp. “Like Jack and Rose?”

“I– I don’t know,” Cinder said, furrowing her brow. “But we were sailing home and the ship– the ship sank. You forced me onto a lifeboat even though I said I wanted to stay with you.” She glared at him. “And you went down with the ship. You drowned. Or froze. I do not know, I wasn’t there with you when you passed from this life and onto the next. But you left me.”

“Oh,” Kai whispered. His body deflated. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be sorry,” Cinder sneered, then she shook her head. “No. No, you were just doing what you thought was the right thing. You saved me. And you saved–” She shut her eyes again, then finally reached out toward the buggy and pulled back the top to uncover what lay inside.

Oh course Kai knew what strollers were for, but before that moment he hadn’t really considered that there would be a child inside— at the very least, not her child. His child.

But it was his child. He could tell just by looking at the small infant that he was both Cinder and Kai mixed together. He was still young, but no longer a newborn. Great black tufts of hair rested on his head, and when he opened his eyes— Kai let out a gasp. They were exactly his own.

Cinder rocked the child back and forth, running his finger over its face in a soft, motherly way that made Kai’s very soul ache. They’d had a child together, and Kai hadn’t gotten to be there. It didn’t even particularly matter to him that it wasn’t exactly his child. He should have been there, but he wasn’t. He hadn’t been there for Cinder or their baby. He had abandoned them.

“I’m so sorry,” Kai blurted, devastation seeming to carve his heart out of his body. “Cinder,” Kai sobbed, his eyes stinging with tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I– I did abandon you. I’m so terribly sorry.”

“Shhh,” Cinder hushed, reaching a hand across the table and laying it over Kai’s. She looked startled. “Kai–” she started, then shook her head. “Kai, I’m mad at you, or him, or– I don’t even know. I’m mad that you saved me when you didn’t save yourself. But I will never be mad that you saved him.”

Kai stared down at her hand on his and saw the tracery of an old burn. It wasn’t as severe as the one she had had in his universe, but it was still there.

Cinder seemed to realize herself and pulled back. She bit her lip and stared down at the baby, brow furrowed.

“I named him after you,” she whispered after a time.

Kai opened his mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out.

“Kaito Rikan Prince,” Cinder continued, not looking at him. “I just– I saw him, and I knew who he was. It didn’t matter that my mother thought that he should have my grandfather’s name or that Kingsley thought he should be named after himself.” She made a face at that. “I knew that he should have the name of his father and his grandfather because they had helped to save his life.

“But now that you’re here, I– I don’t really know if that fits. It would be confusing to have two Kai’s around. But Rikan— I don’t know. I think that perhaps he could be a Rikan.”

“Uh-huh,” Kai breathed, still reeling.

Cinder looked up at him, her eyes softening. “I still don’t understand everything that happened, and in all honesty, I don’t believe you understand it all either.”

“But,” Cinder continued, closing one eye as if she were cringing at herself. “I know that every night for the past eight months I have cried for the pain of missing you so. I know that you have never left my thoughts for even an instant, both in waking and in sleep. I know that my soul loves yours, and while I do not know how long it has cared for you, I know that it always will.

“I know you’re not the you that I knew, but you also are. You’re my Kai, and not just because you look and sound like him. You watch me with that same careful way, and your laugh is the same. And strangest of all, you calm my very soul. It’s as if it knows that it’s you.

“I don’t know if you still want me,” Cinder swallowed, “after all that I’ve done. But please believe me when I say that I do not love Carswell— he is my dear friend and nothing more— and he does not love me in return. Not in this life.” She looked down at her child— their child— and smiled wistfully. “But if you do still wish to be with me, if your heart can still love me in spite of my most grievous offenses, then I will run away with you once more.” She grinned at this, the way one did when a happy memory was stirred in their conscience.

“You… You want me?” Kai asked, breathless.

Cinder looked up at him, her eyes wide. “I will always want you, Kai. No matter the time or place, I will always desire you to be by my side. Always.”

Kai watched her, his eyes searching hers for any falsities; he found none. Slowly, a smile spread across his face.

They were staring at one another, eyes that had not gazed upon the other in far too long. They were poisoned souls standing before their long sought-after cure. But now that they had found one another, neither knew what to do.

Hesitantly, Kai stood and walked over to the other side of the table. He sat close enough to touch her, though he did not. He simply stared at her, wordlessly, and she stared back.

“Kai,” Cinder whispered, breathless. She still held the infant in her arms, but he had fallen fast asleep. “Kai, I–”

“I know,” he chuckled, leaning in close to her. They were both inclining toward the other, as if through a magnetic pull. He could feel her breath as their faces rested inches apart. Neither moved in, both too scared of what would happen next.

Then Cinder muttered his name, and Kai closed the gap between them.

She let out a little gasp, as if surprised. But she kissed him back, and it was as if she had never left him— as if the past year had not happened, and they had been together all the while. He brought his hand up to cup her cheek, his fingers brushing back stray strands of hair.

They broke apart, both flushed but smiling all the same. Kai couldn’t stop staring at her, and reveling in the fact that he had found her. They were together once more. She wanted him.

After a time of shared smiles and conversations about the other’s universe, Cinder asked Kai if he wanted to hold the child, and he accepted happily. And when the baby rested in his arms, tears slipped from his eyes as love overtook his soul. He’d thought about him and Cinder having kids many times during their marriage, though they’d never quite been ready for it. It didn’t even matter that this child belonged to the Kai of this world and not to him— he loved him all the same.

They made plans for what they would do— how they would leave this place and start a new life together. Cinder would pack her belongings and they would take a train to the west. She had all her money from her dowry, and the Prince estates had been left in her name after the deaths of both Prince men.

When they parted, it was a sweet farewell, filled with promises to see the other soon, for they would never abandon the other again.

***

Kai leaned back into the couch, careful not to disturb baby Rikan as he slept. He adored the feeling of holding the small child in his arms and his small stirrings in his sleep. Even the little sounds he made caused for his heart to melt.

“Hey Kai,” Cinder called, walking into the room. He shushed her, nodding his head down toward the sleeping baby, though there wasn’t much worry. Rikan was a heavy sleeper. “Oh, sorry, Ri,” she whispered, tip-toeing over to the pair of them and settling herself down beside Kai.

She grabbed a quilt from beside the couch and laid it over hers and Kai’s laps. Then she settled her head on Kai’s shoulder. She reached her hand up to rest under Kai’s, smiling as she looked down at their baby.

They had left Georgia the same day that they had met one another there, randomly deciding to take the train to Colorado. It had been a somewhat frightening journey, with both of them worrying whether or not someone would come after them, but so far, no one had. They’d been settled into their apartment for over three weeks, happy and together at last.

There were still many things that they both didn’t understand, about one another and the situation. But at the end of the day, they were Cinder and Kai— even if Cinder was still confused about the fact that Kai’s last name was Crown and not Prince, though she did claim it was growing on her.

“I love this,” Cinder said, brushing the black tufts of Rikan’s hair. “It feels right, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“For so long I felt a dreadful emptiness within me, and while there’s still a sadness for what I’ve lost, it's not as great. It’s manageable.”

“I know what you mean.” Kai kissed the top of her head. “We’re different, but the same at the same time. It’s different, but it’s also… just us. We’re still us.”

“We’re still us,” Cinder echoed, letting out a sigh.

There were so many things in Kai’s life that didn’t make sense, but it had been that way even before he’d entered into an alternate universe. He hadn’t understood why Thorne had proclaimed his love for Cinder, or why Chandler Blackburn hadn’t been able to love his daughter. Even his own crushing grief had been confusing at times. And while this world was different in customs and manners and the ways in which society functioned, none of that mattered. For so long as he was with Cinder, all of it was okay.

“I love you,” Kai whispered.

“And I love you,” Cinder said. “And I’ll love you so long as my soul survives, for you’re the only one, Kai. You’re the only one I shall ever truly love.”

“And you are the only one for me as well.” Kai grinned. “And I will love you for forever and ever. No,"  Kai said, his eyes searching hers and seeing only Cinder. "I will love you until forever ends.”

[get-lost-in-fanfiction]

LOST - Another Story

Rating: M

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: Hey guys! It’s finally summer for me so I can write a lot more, hopefully I can get chapters out faster! Enjoy White Rabbit!

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White Rabbit

I wake up to the sound of someone yelling for help. I must’ve fallen asleep on the beach and no one had the decency to put me back in my tent. I thought Sawyer might have, but I guess I was wrong. I quickly scramble to my feet, and glance down the beach to see Jack still asleep. I waste no time pulling my shoes and socks off as well as my outer shirt before running into the water. First I have to get Boone, then worry about the lady.

I swim as fast as I can, my arms and lungs burning. I was never a great swimmer and I’m beginning to wonder why the sudden savior complex. I dive under the water, looking frantically around for Boone. When I can’t, I swim up for air, gasping for a moment before diving back under. Hands pull my waist out of the water, I fight back until I see Jack dive under and pull Boone up with him.

“You okay, just take deep breaths now. Come on, just breathe, just breathe.” Jack says to Boone as he takes deep gasping breaths

“Did you get her?” Boone asks.

“What?”

“There was a woman—I was trying to—did you get her?”

“Jack I’ll get her!” I shout, trying to swim out farther. My heart, lungs, and limbs are screaming at me to go back to the beach.

“Amelia, no, leave her! I’ll go back, get Boone to the shore!”

“Jack!”

“No!!” He screams at me and I flinch. Boone is pushed into my direction as Jack swims farther. Boone and I swim to shore, and I can see Kate and Charlie running to the water to help us.

“Jack?” Kate asks us as we collapse into the sand.

“He’s still out there,” I gasp back. Fuck. That was such a mistake. I pull myself out of the sand as Boone hands me my shirt.

“Thanks for trying Amelia,” our hands brush as I take my shirt. I’m not attracted to Boone, but I can see he’s attracted to me. I didn’t know red-heads were his style. I feel bad for him, trying his hardest to get over Shannon when I know they’ll both die in the end.

“Yeah no problem..” I say as Boone, Kate, and Charlie trudge off. I angrily pull on my shirt, socks, and tie my shoes. Fuck Jack for helping, fuck myself for thinking I could do anything alone.

Back in my tent I rummage around in my bag for a hair tie. I pump my fist in the air when I finally find one and crawl out of my tent to put up my air. I changed out of my wet shirt and pants to shorts and a new shirt, and I can see Sawyer staring when I come out of my tent. Once I've put my hair up I turn to him with my hands on my hips. He holds up his hands in defeat when he notices my defensive stance.

“I might have to change your nickname to legs now, peaches,” he says with a smile.

“Oh I'm sure you'd love to, dimples,” I shoot back.

“That the only nickname you've got for me?”

“Well I hate to say it but I'm not as literate as you,” I saw with a shrug. I don’t hear Shannon walk up, but i do hear her voice behind me.

“Have you got it or what?” I whip around and I can hear Sawyee chuckle to himself.

“You're in my light, sticks,” He replies.

“Lightsticks? What the hell is that supposed to...?”

“Light, comma, sticks. As in those legs of yours,” He says with a cheeky grin and I shake my head.

“Unoriginal today aren’t we?”

“Well what can I say?” Sawyer grins and I shake my head. I can tell Shannon is looking between us, confused.

“Look, while I really love my new nickname, and I think it's really sweet…” Shannon finally says.

“Calm down. I got your damn stuff,” Sawyer cuts in.

“t'll keep off sand fleas?”

“You bet. Even has aloe.”

“How much?” I scoff to myself a little at her words. Shannon just glares at me.

“Your money's no good here.”

“Then what the hell do you want?” Sawyer just smiles at her.

“If you really think I'm going to…” Shannon begins.

“Five grand,” I snort out loud and Shannon gives me a gross look.

“I thought you said my money was no good here.”

“I was negotiating. I can take an IOU. Something tells me you're good... for it.” Shannon just throws the bug dope at Sawyer and storms away. I chuckle to myself as she does.

“You’re out to have everyone on this Island hate you,” I shake my head fondly as I say it.

“Lucky I have you then, peaches.” He grins at me. I just shake my head and walk away.

“People just kind of took what they needed because we were supposed to be rescued, but we weren't,” I hear Hurley say. Oh fuck.

“Even if we divided it up, split the bottles in half it wouldn't be enough for 47 people,” Charlie adds.

“46. There are 46 of us now,” I butt in before Jack can. He looks at me oddly.

Hurley and Charlie make room for me in their circle before Hurley continues, “People find out this is all we have left, they're going to freak out, man.”

“The boar's running low until we can catch another one. What should we tell them?” Charlie says panicked. He glances at me. Charlie and I haven’t really been buddies, he probably heard the news and didn’t trust me.

“I don't know,” Jack says.

“Maybe we can make one of those water finding sticks,” Hurley suggests and I have to suppress a smile.

“What should we do with the stuff we've got?” Charlie asks hurriedly.

“I don't know,” Jack says again. He walks away and Charlie and Hurley follow with the suitcase of water. I walk slowly behind them to catch the conversation.

“We should put it in the tent, yeah?” Charlie suggests.

“MMaybe the dog can find water?” Hurley shoots back.

“Probably better if no one knows how little is left.”

“I mean, dogs can find pot and bombs, so I'm sure they can find water.”

“Don't tell the others we're running low. That way you can ration it. Then you can decide what…”

“I'm not deciding anything!” Jack shouts and I flinch a little

“Why not?” Hurley asks.

“Dude, give Jack a break. He’s tired and looking sick. Leave him alone.” I say loudly enough for them to all hear me. Jack looks surprised I’m sticking up for him.

Charlie and Hurley walk away and I sigh quietly in their direction. I rub my temples and stare critically at Jack. He doesn’t quite meet my eyes, and the look he does have is filled with guilt.

“Amelia…” Jack starts, unable to look me in the eyes.

“Yeah I know Jack, it’s alright,” I say calmly, sticking my hands in my short pockets.

“I meant to come to you sooner but…”

“I understand.”

“How can you be so nice, show so much mercy?”

I sigh and look out towards the ocean before I reply, “Because I would want you, the camp, everyone, to do the same for me,” I look at Jack again, “Even if I know they wouldn't.”

“You're very wise, Amelia,” Jack says in awe.

“I had to grow up fast,” I shrug.

“I'll see you around Amelia.”

“Bye Jack.”

I turn to look at Clarie and Kate talk about hair brushes and zodiac signs. I smile to myself and turn to return to my tent when I hear a voice that makes me sigh, annoyed.

“Hey! Amelia!” It’s Boone.

I turn around to see him jogging up to me, looking in Jack’s direction, “Yeah Boone?”

“Have you talked to Jack about this morning?”

“No, I haven't,” I cross my arms other my chest, and pop my hip to the side.

“Well, I’m going to,” he says before taking off in the direction of Jack sitting in the sand. Oh Boone.

I realize now that White Rabbit is really a Jack-centric episode, meaning I don’t really have a lot to do. I can’t be bothered to go out and help find him dangling off a cliff in the jungle. I know he’s going to find the caves soon, so I need to make up my decision now if I’m going to the caves or not. To be honest I really don’t want to. I don’t want to be caught up with Ethan, nor do I want him to single me out because Ben knows something about me. I don’t want to be abducted or killed, so I think I’ll just stick it out on the beach for now. I realize I’m not making a great adventure for myself, but I am trying to play it safe. I want to last all of the seasons, running into the jungle where there is a very real possibility that I could be killed doesn’t sound fun. I am not protected by plot. Suddenly I hear Walt calling, “Hey! Hey!” and I am on my feet.

I quickly run over to where Claire was being taken to the infirmary tent. I skid to a stop, panting slightly to catch my breath while I assess the situation. Kate comes in behind me.

“What happened?” She says to no one in particular.

“She just dropped,” Charlie replies and I decide to step up, and take Kate’s lines.

“It must be the heat,” I hear myself say, “Is she breathing?” I know Kate is looking at me oddly.

“Yeah, I think,” Micheal replies to me.

“Come on. Let's get her inside,” I say.

“Wake up,” Charlie says gently to Claire and I push him aside as softly as I can.

“Claire? Claire, honey, wake up. Claire? Can you hear me, Claire. Come on,” I sigh to myself, “Wake up. Come on. Come on, please wake up. Come on. Claire, can you hear me? Alright…” I sigh again, in relief, when Claire wakes up. I knew it would happen, at least with Kate. I took a risk, and it paid off.

“Hmm?” Claire huns groggily.

“Hi. It's me. It's.. Amelia.”

“What?” Claire asks.

“You passed out. Just take it easy, okay?” I turn to Charlie, “She needs water.” Charlie leaves to look for the water, but Kate is still standing there. I think she is shocked. I mean I must’ve stolen the words right out of her mouth, and I can bet she doesn’t trust me as much anymore. Girl solidarity is diminishing.

“Don't move, okay?” I say to Claire, “I think you have a fever, but if you keep really still that's okay. It's okay, it's okay.”

“What the... The water's gone. Someone stole it!” Charlie exclaims. Suddenly Kate is pulling me out to the beach and I see Locke and Sayid gathering up as well.

“Where is the doctor?” Locke asks.

“I don't know. No one can find him,” Kate side glances at me, “Thankfully Amelia was around to help a bit, though.”

“Is this the last of the camp's water supply?” Sayid asks Kate and I look at the near empty case.

“Yeah,” I hear Kate answer.

“Keeping it all in one place, foolish.”

“I can go into the jungle, try to find some fresh water.”

“You're not going alone.”

“When the others find out the water's gone it's going to get ugly,” Locke begins, “ And when they find out that someone pinched it, it's going to get uglier. I'll go. Camp needs you three here, you especially Amelia.  With the doctor gone you need to be our leader. And besides, I know where to look.” I stay quiet after Locke’s little speech. I didn’t want to be the leader but here I am. Of course I just had to be a doctor. The group dispersed and Locke pats my shoulder encouragingly.

I find myself standing around with Sayid and Kate. I feel weird, and too young. I don’t really remember how old the both of them are, but I know it’s enough that they can look down at me. I’m only 20 and I’m having to be the leader of the Losties until Jack eventually comes back. Soon enough Hurley comes running up to our little group.

“Uh, the Chinese people have water,” He says looking weird. And with that Sayid goes right off to Sun. I follow, worried.

“Where did you get this? Where did you get this?” Sayid begins to yell at Sun, “Where! Did! You!-“

“She doesn't understand you,” Kate butts in.

“She understands me,” Sayid spits back, “Did you steal this water?”

“죄송하지만 무슨 오해가 있는 것 같은데요. 그런 게 아니라…” Sun speaks quickly in Korean.

Suddenly Jin is running up to us, yelling, “떨어져, 이 새끼야. 내 와이프 한 번만 더 만지면 넌 죽어.” I don’t know what they’re saying but I know it’s not good. I also realize that I haven’t been interacting with Sun or Jin at all. I then resolve to tell Sun my secret, and I trust she will tell hers to me. A secret for a secret.

“Just take it easy, alright. We just want to talk, alright?” Kate begins, “This had water in it. Is it yours? Who gave you this?” She speaks calmly as Sayid fumes. Jin then points at Sawyer who's smoking a cigarette. Kate moves to go to him, but Sayid and I stop her.

“I don't see the water,” Sayid says.

“And?” Kate asks.

I decide to speak up again, “You go after him now, he'll give you nothing. But if you wait, a rat will always lead you to it's hole.” I’m quite the line stealer today. Kate nods in agreement and we dispurse to wait it out. We plan that I will confront Sawyer about it, since I know him best. I like the plan because I means I get another chance to talk with Sawyer. I haven’t done that recently.

Finally we can see Sawyer walking to his 'hole' and grabbing a pack of cigarettes. Kate nods at me and I quickly run up to him. At the last minute I decide to tackle him, bad move.

“Well, it's about time,” He chuckles at me.

“For what?” I ask.

“I made this birthday wish four years ago,” Sawyer says, “Although I didn’t picture you in mind when I made it.”

“Where's the water?” I ask and Sawyer flips me over so he's on top.

“That's better,” He says cheekily.

“Get off of me,” I scoff and suddenly Sayid arrives and drags Sawyer off of me.

“Give us the water, now.” Sayid says angrily. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders protectively. Kate must’ve seen Sawyer and I’d interaction and wanted to protect me from him.

Sawyer shoves Sayid, “Touch me again, huh!” After a moment Kate let’s go of me and begins to look through Sawyer's stuff.

“You really think I stole your damn water?” Sawyer asks angrily.

“We know you gave two bottles to the Koreans,” Sayid answers.

“I don't give nothing to nobody.”

“It’s not here,” Kate announces.

“I traded Mr. Miyagi the last of my water for a fish he caught,” I laugh a little at the nickname, “We worked it out caveman style.”

“You gave him your last two bottles?” Kate asks.

“Water has no value, Freckles. It's gonna rain sooner or later. And hell, I'm an optimist.”

Sawyer gets something out of his suitcase as we begin to walk away. “Hey, you forgot something,” I turn and Sawyer throws me a badge, “Seeing as you're the new sheriff in town. Might as well make it official.” I roll my eyes and toss it back.

“Keep it dimples, I’m just filling in for the Doc.”

“Whatever you say blue-eyes.”

It’s nighttime before anything happens again. I know somewhere out there Jack is smashing the empty coffin of his father with a metal pipe. I also know that right in that area are the caves with the water to save us. I sit around a random fire close to my tent, and Sawyer is sitting there with me.

“So,” He begins, “Fillin’ in for El Jacko while he’s away huh?”

“Yeah, why?” I glance over at him across the fire.

“Nothin’ just wondering why you jumped me is all.”

“Well I thought that would be the best tactic,” I shrug at him.

“Awe well here I was thinking you wanted to have some fun.”

I roll my eyes and laugh a little, “In your dreams James.”

“Did you know that I didn’t have the water?” Sawyer suddenly asks very seriously.

Before I can answer Boone is discovered to be the thief of the water. Great timing Charlie. I glance at Sawyer before we both get up to see the commotion.

“Where'd he hide it?” Michael asks as we arrive.

“I don't know. This wanker had three bottles on him. Why'd you do it, pretty boy, eh?” Charlie spits angrily at Boone.

“It was just sitting in,” Boone begins, “it was just sitting in the tent, and Jack just took off.”

“Claire could've died!” Charlie shouts.

“I tried to give her some sooner, but it just got out of hand. No one would have understood.”

Suddenly Kate walks up and I can feel Sawyer move away from me, figures. “What is going on?” She asks.

“Someone had to take responsibility for it. It would have never lasted!” Boone shouts.

“Oh shut up!” Charlie mumbles. Then he pushes Boone and Sayid steps in to stop a fight. Then, Jack shows up.

“Leave him alone!” Jack shouts as he exits the jungle, ah yes. Live together, die alone time, “It's been six days and we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out. A woman died this morning just going for a swim and he tried to save her, and now you're about to crucify him? We can't do this. Every man for himself is not going to work. It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out how we're going to survive here. Now, I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. I'll take a group in at first light. If you don't wanna come then find another way to contribute. Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And god knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together, we're going to die alone.”

After Jack’s speech, I look up at Sawyer and take a step back when I see him staring at me. I then glance around and everyone seems to be standing around feeling stupid. Then Charlie and Hurley start getting water for people, and our group disburses. But instead of walking away with me, Sawyer walks up to Boone. I quickly follow him just in case.

“So, how does it feel?” Sawyer asks Boone.

“How does what feel?” Boone answers.

“Taking my place at the top of everyone's most hated list. Sucks, don't it?” Then he walks away. Boone looks at me like a kicked puppy and I can't help but feel a bit of pity towards him. To be honest I never really understood Boone at this part, but who am I to judge. I like Sawyer after all. I turn to leave but Boone grabs my wrist.

“Amelia,” Boone begins to say, but I yank my arm out of his grasp.

“Not now Boone,” I say calmly.

“But-”

“Night Boone,” I call as I walk away. Sawyer is already at our fire. I catch a bit of Kate and Jack’s ending conversion.

“My father died. In Sydney,” Jack says.

“I'm sorry,” Kate replies.

“Yeah. I'm sorry, too.”

I don't acknowledge I heard them, if it were me I would want that to be somewhat private. I mean, I don't have a father either, but Jack is the leader. I walk up to Sawyer and sit in the same spot I was before. After a few moments, he speaks up.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?”

“You know which one, blue eyes.”

I sigh, “Yeah, I knew you didn't steal the water.” I look over the fire and see a smug smile tugging at Sawyer’s lips. I laugh a bit, “What’s so funny?”

“Why is it you're always around me?” Sawyer asks.

“You’re the least annoying out of all of them,” I reply coolly.

“Uh-huh.”

“And you don't have a savior complex or want to run or anything that Jack or Kate have that’s a major flaw.”

“Sweetheart, I've got plenty o’ flaws.”

“I know, but I also know that you can change.”

“Is this some future stuff again?”

“Unfortunately, yes James.”

“Don’t say my name like that,” Sawyer says with a small chuckle.

“Like what?”

“Like you know me.”

“But I do know you.”

“Whatever you say blue eyes,” then he gets up and dusts himself off, “I’m goin’ to bed.” And with that, he leaves me alone at the fire.

“Night..” I reply quietly, knowing he can't hear me. I decide that the fire isn't going to be a major hazard if I leave it burning so I get up for bed as well. Most people had already, and I realize I'm probably the last. I take one more look at the glittering black ocean under the moonlight and then duck into my tent to try and get some rest.

LOST

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[sometipsygnostalgic]

wanna see you keep talking about AT: what's your biggest criticism with each character in the series (as in a writing failure/something you didn't like about them, things of that sort)

Aww fuck! Now you’re asking. 

Everyone: Sometimes they went a bit too far with making the characters act dumb, sociopathic, etc. The show would usually be pretty consistent with having them react humanely. It was season 5, when the show had started taking itself seriously, that the characters acting sociopathic felt like a bit too much. 

Finn:  In his “jerk arc” he went too far. He had no empathy for the lemon people, he had even less than PB, who was already acting pretty sociopathic. He legitimately harrassed both FP and PB. He touched FP’s shoulder and made her uncomfortable. He stroked PB’s hand after the high five in Too Old, which by the way has actually been cut in many countries due to how gross it was. He got super weird in Rattleballs where he was a total simp and told PB about the robot even though he knew she’d kill him, just because he wanted to impress her.  Then in The Tower, he had tunnel vision and legitimately KILLED like a dozen candy people with his tower, which was hilariously referenced in Hot Diggety Doom when he said the candy people don’t trust him anymore.  I didn’t like that they made his arm grow back. Or that he kissed a million princesses in Breezy, which is a poor reflection on the crew’s treatment of girl characters in the show :P I know we ended up with the awesome Fern arc, and Finn got over his romantic hangups in a satisfying way, but the amount of people the episode alienated is unreal. It did a lot of damage to the fandom.  

PB: I hate the entire way they baited her having feelings for Finn. If you remove that kiss in Too Young, her character makes much more sense. Reading her around it makes the ep seem like a massive inconsistency. I don’t like they waited four seasons to work on her as an actual character.  I feel like they went a bit too far in making her cold and pragmatic or sociopathic. Just a smidgen. This is because some of her actions verge on irredeemable. I’m mostly thinking about her relationship with Flame Princess. It doesn’t seem right she’d have no feelings about ruining the life of a fairly innocent child. Also she totally got a bunch of flame people killed in The Cooler. At least in The Cooler, she demonstrated a modicum of doubt before taking apart the sacred Fire Giants. She’s certainly not like the Diamonds, but FP was right to say she was a bad person, and I’m glad she was horrified by what she was becoming, but couldn’t immediately turn off her paranoia or bad instincts - it’s something she works on for the rest of the show and post-canon. (It’s also why shes a million times better than the Diamonds) I think her character in season 10 could have been better handled. For start we got no followup to Elements. It’s pretty significant she became a giant candy monster and brainwashed all of Ooo, no???? It did take them two seasons but they eventually showed she was impacted by having been possessed by the Lich. I was hoping we’d get exploration with Elements too, especially because of how much she unintentionally hurt everyone, like Marceline. They tied her actions in the series far too much to her character for it to feel like something that could be brushed off.    But what was weirdest was that she wanted to go to war with one of her creations. That didn’t seem right. Pb has a complicated relationship with Lemongrab, shown right up through to the same finale (even exploring how they would currently interact in Diamonds & Lemons), and she didn’t want to go to war with him, but she did want to get him usurped by Lemonhope. If she is willing to stoop to war now, why didn’t she just... yknow.... have Gumbald executed? Stealth plan? It seems far more up her alley, and he even tried the same thing. The season finale tried to say she felt under pressure to go to war, but I don’t think it does a good job at communicating why. Why wouldn’t a secret mission work? Would it count as a war crime? If it did, who would sanction her? Gumbald in general sucks. There are better “dark reflections” of Bubblegum in the series, and Patience was a much better villain. I wonder how things would have been different if the season could conclude at its intended pace? 

Marceline: My criticism with Marceline is a lot easier to summarise, because I’ve thought about her less and she’s less involved with the show.... which is the WHOLE PROBLEM!   

1. Put Marceline in the show more. She was barely in the first six seasons at all! She’s such an awesome and fun character when they let her be. More eps like Go With Me would have been awesome.  Even more eps like Princess Day or Be Sweet, where she was LSP’s bestie. 

2. Her character’s personality, for a long time, revolved around being a source of angst. She wasn’t demonstrating her fun side at all. I guess they didn’t want to write her continuing to be a big jerk, but it meant she paled when pitched against the rest of the cast - especially PB and Ice King, who were always great, and if they were in an ep with Marceline, their characters always outshone her. This could have been repaired by having her go on more adventures with Finn and Jake, and developing Marceline’s reactions to various situations. Give her more complexity.     I really love Obsidian because Marceline demonstrates her wild side in this ep and goes on an adventure which is very personal to her. She has some cool action scenes near the start, and this episode connects her more serious personality with the comedic representation at the start of the series. I think this is the best Marceline episode, followed by Varmints (she was so fun but mature in this ep). I like how she was during and after Stakes too. She had far more personality when they were putting her in eps with multiple other characters.   

Ice King: I have no massive thoughts here. I think some of the things he did were a bit too messed up. He killed a bunch of cloud people and furniture in season 6. His actions before that point were far more innocuous, though he did accidentally kill PB those two times, and he did threaten to kill princesses after kidnapping them in season 1. I LOVE Ice King season 7 and up though. He’s so good. I was shocked at the finale when they “killed” him, had him revert into Simon with very few consequences, like all those years as Ice King had vanished. I was so glad to see Simon struggling with his past identity in Obsidian. “This is how I cope!” 

Jake: Like the others barring Marceline, I thought that Jake occasionally did stuff that was too messed up. But because he’s a less serious character, who is already verging on chaotic good/neutral, it isn’t as impactful. I don’t have any major issues with Jake. Maybe I’ll change my mind on rewatch? But I love how he can be so self-contradictory. 

Flame Princess: Last one I want to bring up. This character is a mess. Rebecca intended her to be this very innocent person, having new experiences. This was how she was characterised right through to Earth and Water, but after that episode, her character got... an unfortunate reset. Suddenly a mature and BORING ruler who barely appeared anymore in the show. I felt a lot more could have been done with Flame Princess, and they shouldn’t have made her so dull later on. They played her as a virtuous character who got over her breakup with maturity, and led her kingdom with honesty, to further the development of two entirely different characters rather than to make FP interesting in herself. 

[vindicatedvirgil]

only fools rush in / part two: a botanical garden and deep conversations

hi there! this is part two of my college au, if you haven’t read part one you can click here to do so!

spotify playlist here

this chapter is centered around Remus and Patton, the other characters are very minimal here. so, don’t get mad about the lack of Virgil or Roman or anything (i miss them too, it’s okay).

read until the very end for a teaser and the title of part three!

TW: mentions of bad things happening to Roman during high school (no specifics... yet)

next update will be on Sunday, July 26.

---

“I don’t think that I can do this,” Remus was pacing in the living room, Virgil and Janus were sitting on the couch; they shared a look, and both of them rolled their eyes. “I mean, he’s so soft, and so cute, and he’s Roman’s roommate!” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. “What if I mess this up and Roman gets hurt or Patton gets hurt, fuck fuck fuck!”

“Remus,” Janus started, his voice flat. “I don’t think that you’re going to fuck this up. Patton’s not like the other guys you’ve dated, he’s special, and I think you know that.” Remus groaned, glancing out the window. It was so late on Friday night that it had bled into Saturday, and he had been panicking for the majority of the night, which frustrated the other two who were trying to watch a movie. Eventually the TV had been shut off and their attention focused on their friend, who grew more disheveled as the night wore on.

“He’s right,” Virgil said quietly. “In the time we’ve known you, which is what, like, three years or something? Every person you’ve dated has been a total asshole. Kind of like you, but… worse,” Remus whined, and Virgil just shook his head. “That was a compliment, idiot.”

“I think what our emo friend is trying to say is that Patton isn’t like those other guys you’ve dated,” Janus continued, giving a dirty look to Virgil. “I’ve never seen you so panicked over a first date, so I think that means that this is… real for you. You’re going to take this one seriously.” Remus sighed then moved to lay on his back on the floor, eyes fluttering shut.

"Do I dress nice for my date? Or do I look the same as usual?”

-

“I don’t think I can do this,” Patton was laying down, his head hanging off of the foot of his bed. Roman was sitting cross-legged on the floor and Logan was sitting on the desk chair, a yawn escaping as he rubbed his eyes. “What if I’m not what he wants me to be?” He hugged his stuffed animal frog closer to his chest. “What if it turns out that he doesn’t actually like me?”

“Ugh, I told you, Patton, he’s never acted this way around anybody, at least not that I’ve seen,” Roman said, annoyance coming through in his tone of voice. He didn’t know why he was trying so hard to make sure that Patton went on the date with Remus, but he did want to see his friend happy; and, as much as he hated it, he’d like to see his brother be happy, too. “He always dates these jerks who sell drugs or wear all leather and ride motorcycles. They treat him like trash and then throw him out onto the streets when they’re done.”

“Well, that doesn’t help!” Patton whined, curling up into a ball. “What if he wants me to be something that I’m not? Do you think he only wants to go out with me because I’m so different from the others he’s dated? How many people has he actually dated?” Patton’s tone was growing more high-pitched with every question. Logan adjusted his glasses, sighing.

“Patton, these are all illogical questions,” he said, crossing his arms. “I’ve spent a little bit of time with Remus since he tends to be around when I’m with Janus, and I do not think that he would ask you to be his metaphorical crutch to figure out if he wants a softer partner. Additionally, why does it matter how many people he has dated?” Logan’s question was pointed, “What should matter is how you portray yourself to him on your date tomorrow so he sees the kind of person that you are. You want him to see the real you, right? Then that’s what you need to do.”

“But what if he doesn’t like the real me?” Patton asked. Of course Logan knew Patton’s intricacies, they’d been friends for so long, but the small man was always unsure if his overly logical friend meant it when he said they were best friends or if he was Patton’s friend out of convenience or just… circumstance.

“Why wouldn’t anyone like the real you, Pat? You’re awesome! And if he doesn’t see that I can knock some sense into him, lord knows I had to do that enough as a kid,” Roman scoffed, stretching his arms out. “I think that the more important question is… what are you going to wear tomorrow?”

-

Patton was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Standing near the entrance to the botanical gardens, he tried to stand on the tips of his toes to see if Remus was walking towards him, but he hadn’t yet caught sight of the biomed major. Patton had, of course, arrived half an hour earlier than they had agreed upon, but he thought that maybe Remus would show up early, too.

He hadn’t, but Patton didn’t mind. He kept fidgeting with the sleeves on his jean jacket and hoped it wouldn’t get too warm; he was wearing a floral shorts romper underneath but hated carrying around his jacket when it got hot out. As he continued to wait, he dug through his messenger bag, hoping Remus wouldn’t judge him for his polaroid camera. Patton loved taking photos with it; he hung all of them with clothespins on his fairy lights in his bedroom, so he was always surrounded by the people and things that he loved.

As he was leaning down to pull his knee-high socks back up since they were drooping, he heard some familiar footsteps. He looked up and saw Remus, dressed in his usual attire, smiling down at him. “Hey there, little flower,” Remus cooed, and Patton turned red immediately, returning the smile. 

“Hi, Remus!” His voice came out a little more high-pitched than usual, but he was just so darn excited to see Remus. He wasn’t sure if he should hug the taller man, and hesitated for a moment. Remus gave him an intrigued look, and then Patton flung himself into his arms gently. Remus wrapped his arms around him softly, humming happily. “You’re softer than I expected.”

“Oh? Well, I can get hard if you’d like,” Remus teased, making Patton blush harder. The small man backed up, looking at Remus’ face and realizing it was a joke, so he smiled sheepishly. “So, have you ever been to this botanical garden before?”

“No, I didn’t even know it existed!” Patton responded, the two turning towards the entrance. It was a free walk-through, so they walked in, and noticed how few people were in attendance. Patton was surprised at how few people were there on a Saturday afternoon. He had so many questions for the other man, he wanted to talk about so many things, but never knew how to start conversations like that.

“How did you meet Roman?” Remus broke the silence as the two rounded a corner into an area filled with rose bushes. He leaned down to smell one of them and Patton did the same, smiling as he stood back up.

“We were in a general education class together last year. I think it was our public speaking class. And we were put together in a group,” Patton explained, walking close to Remus. “I was kind of pushy and we became friends since we have a lot in common. And then I introduced him to Logan, who I’ve known since elementary school!” Remus nodded, looking down.

“You have a lot in common with him, but…” his voice trailed off and he leaned against one of the fences, looking into the koi pond below. “Roman and I are very different. So… you and I might not have a lot in common, little flower.” Patton frowned, standing next to him.

“Roman’s not exactly my type, Remus. Yes, he’s become one of my best friends, but…” Patton paused, thinking of the right way to phrase what he wanted to say. “He’s loud, and animated, and theatrical and… it’s not what I would want in someone that I date.”

“And what is it that you want in someone you date, Patton?” Remus tilted his head, looking at Patton very carefully. The small man’s face contorted in deep thought, and he bit his lips, looking down.

“I… well, someone who is going to expose me to new adventures. I might look soft, Remus, but… I love doing things that make my heart beat fast,” he paused again so Remus could absorb this information. “I want someone who understands how special I can be… but also someone who I can pamper and love with all of my heart.” Remus didn’t say anything, and the two continued their walk through the gardens. Patton stopped him in front of a blooming tree and told him to pose, taking out his polaroid camera.

“Patton, I–”

“Please?” Patton asked, eyes sparkling towards the other man. Remus sighed, then leaned against the tree, giving a small smile to Patton as he crossed his arms. Patton took the photo, then held it between two fingers as it developed. “I have a whole wall of photos in my bedroom. Lots from high school with Lo, but some more recent with Roman, too. And… I wanted to add you, too.” Remus looked down at his feet, smiling softly. The two kept walking after Patton put his camera back in his bag, and Remus brushed his fingers against those of the other. They let their fingers intertwine, and Patton hoped that his hand wasn’t too sweaty. “Can I ask you something?” Patton asked hesitantly. Remus nodded, and the two sat down on a bench, their fingers still intertwined. “Why did you ask me out on a date?”

“Oh. Um…” Remus chuckled awkwardly, running his spare hand through his hair, tousling it up a little bit. “I see something really… unique in you. You’re this puff of pastel, but you’ve got these amazing tattoos,” he expressed this by running his fingers along the exposed tattoos on Patton’s arm. “And… you’re so kind. Everything I’ve heard about you from Ro and Jan… I’d always wanted to meet you. But Ro… he’s protective.”

“Of you?” Patton asked, and Remus laughed, more heartily this time, and shook his head.

“No. He’s protective of his friends,” Remus answered, and a flash of sadness crossed his eyes. “He was always the golden child. Our parents, our teachers, they always… preferred him. He could do no wrong.” Patton frowned, but said nothing as Remus continued to recall these moments. “I was a bit of a reckless one. I couldn’t sit still, I just wanted to crack jokes, and I played these hilarious pranks on Roman and our other classmates.

“When we got to high school, I… went off the deep end. I was hanging around the wrong kind of crowd, you know? And… they hurt Ro. Badly.” Remus looked down at his feet, shame crossing his face. Patton took his hands gently, waiting for the story to finish. “We kind of… broke after that. He never looked at me the same. He hated me, and I did too. So… yeah. He always wants to protect his friends; that’s why you and I hadn’t met until a few weeks ago. I had to prove to him that I was hanging out with better people, that I had become a better person.”

“I’m sorry,” Patton’s voice came out weak, and he was struggling to keep the tears from leaving his eyes. Sometimes he hated how sensitive he could get. “I’m glad that you’re… better… now.”

“Me, too,” Remus still hadn’t looked up. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, the sounds of birds chirping and the babbling brooks keeping it from being completely quiet around them. “Tell me about why you got your tattoos,” he said finally, fingers still tracing the outlines of sunflowers and daisies.

“My mom is a florist,” Patton responded. He was looking off into the distance at the flowers in front of them. “So, I grew up in our backyard full of flowers, and I spent my summers in high school helping run the shop. When I thought about getting my first tattoo, I knew it had to be flowers.” He pointed to the large sunflower on his wrist. “Once I started with this one, I couldn’t stop. The flowers are bright, and remind me of sunshine and taking care of others.”

“And… that’s why you’re a child development major, isn’t it?” Remus asked. His eyes were focused on the intricate vines connecting all of the tattoos.

“Yeah… my mom took care of me and her garden, and… I want to take care of others, too,” Patton was smiling, and Remus resisted the urge to kiss him right there. But he didn’t want things to move too quickly, and he wanted to make sure that he had Patton’s consent before doing anything like that, so he didn’t say anything, and just kept his eyes on the small man. “Why did you choose biomed and medieval history?” The question brought Remus out of his own mind, and he blinked a few times before registering it.

“Oh. Well… I always liked the dissection labs in my science classes. One of my teachers noticed and… told me about biomed. I’d love to research new treatments, figure out what works and what doesn’t work, work in a lab…” he trailed off, and Patton just watched him with awe. “The medieval history was actually inspired by Roman. He doesn’t know that, though. But… he did this play in high school that was set during the medieval ages, and it just… piqued my interest. So I kept researching, and I want to learn more. Maybe I can do research into the intersections of biomed and medieval history someday.”

“I love how passionate you are about the things you’re studying,” Patton mused, his fingers holding tighter to Remus’. “Like… Roman and Logan are passionate about their areas of study, too, but… in a way that’s almost exhausting. The way you talk about your path is…” Patton’s voice faded out, the words failing him. He wished that he could express his words more clearly, or in a way that sort of made sense, but he wasn’t the best with conversations, he never had been. 

“Should we continue our walk around here?” Remus said, breaking the silence again. He didn’t like the silence that kept coming back, but they had covered some really heavy topics, probably things that were too intense for a first date. He didn’t hate that they were talking about those things; he loved hearing what Patton had to say and how things were going, but… he wanted to do something to make his date laugh.

The two stood up from their spot on the bench and walked under an archway towards where there was a display of succulent plants. Remus wanted to hug and hold Patton so badly, but he resigned himself to just holding his hand, watching as Patton named each and every plant they passed as they kept going throughout the gardens.

They had eventually gone around in a full circle, most of their conversation lingering on the types of plants they saw around them, and had arrived back at the koi pond. Patton was leaning over the fence again, watching the colorful fish weave in and out of the way of each other. Remus stood next to him, watching, and when Patton looked up at him with that glimmer of adoration and just… hope. 

“Patton, I…” he looked down at his feet, his face heating up. “I would really, um… like to kiss you. I-If that’s okay. I just, I don’t want to mess things up and–” Remus was interrupted by two hands holding onto his face, and before he knew it, he was leaning down, and kissing the softest lips he had ever touched.

-

“Goodbye, Remus,” Patton said softly, leaning up to kiss Remus’ cheek. “I had a really nice time today.” He smiled, hand on the doorknob to the apartment, and Remus gave him one last, lingering kiss.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, little flower,” the taller man said, and then Patton entered the apartment, closing the door behind him. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard for the last few hours, the feeling of Remus’ hand in his and his lips on his own ingrained in his mind. They went to a cafe after the botanical gardens and indulged in iced tea and sandwiches and pastries, laughing and smiling and always touching in some way, even if it was just their feet brushing against each other under the table.

Remus wasn’t anything like what Patton had expected. He was still surprised at the choice of date locations, but Remus’ softness and openness towards Patton was a welcome revelation. But Patton had meant it when he said that he had a good time; it was the best first date he had ever been on. And he wished desperately for more.

“Hey, how did it go?” Roman was lounging on the couch, a script in hand, and Logan was sitting at the kitchen counter, working on his laptop. Patton tried to hold back his blush, but he smiled at the other two. “My brother was good to you, right?” Roman’s face was etched with concern.

“It was… absolutely amazing, Ro,” Patton felt his emotions gushing out of him as he set his bag down next to the entrance table. He went over to sit on the couch at Roman’s feet, and the other two followed him with their eyes, waiting for more information. “Remus is so sweet to me. I… I really do like him.” Roman said nothing, instead he just flipped the page in his script, and Logan sighed from the table.

“Roman believes you need to know a few things about Remus’ past before you go further in your relationship. I, however, believe that it should be up to Remus to tell you,” he explained, adjusting his glasses. Patton’s smile instantly turned upside down, but he nodded.

“Remus did tell me. About his past. About what happened. And…” Patton sighed, twisting his fingers together. “I’m sorry that all of that happened, Ro, but… it doesn’t matter to me. Who he is now is who I want to be with.”

“So… you’re going to go out with him again?” Roman asked hesitantly, peeking over his script. Patton nodded, and couldn’t help the small smile that he felt resurface on his face. “Well, I… I’m glad you’re happy, Patton.”

-

Remus opened the door to the apartment quietly. Virgil was nowhere to be seen, but Janus was in the kitchen, standing over the stove, presumably making dinner. Remus tried to be quiet, tried to just head straight (gAy) for his room, but Janus cleared his throat. When Remus turned to look at him, he was raising an eyebrow, arms crossed, leaning against the archway that led into the kitchen.

“How did it go?” He asked, and Remus looked down, smiling brightly. How could he put into words how amazing the day was? How many butterflies he felt when he was next to Patton, how no one had ever made him feel that way before. Remus looked back up at Janus, realizing that he hadn’t said anything, and shrugged.

“It was…” he still couldn’t find the words, but a string of what he figured to be incoherent sentences began to spill out. “Oh, Jan, you have no idea. He’s so… and I just… it was… I really like him.” Janus nodded, a small smile settling on his face.

“I’ve never seen you act this way, Remus,” he mused. “I’m… glad to see you this way.” Remus smiled at him, then retreated to his room. He glanced at the mess that was always prevalent, setting his backpack down next to the desk.

From his back jeans pocket he took out one of the many polaroid pictures that Patton had taken that day, one of them trying to take a selfie with the camera, Remus’ lips pressed to Patton’s cheek, a goofy smile pasted on the smaller man’s face. He found himself staring at it for a while, then he took his phone out of the pocket and sent a quick text to Patton: want to come over tomorrow?

---

teaser for part three: a dance, some shoes, and an audition

“Sorry. I got, um, a little carried away,” he explained, rolling and twisting the script in his hands.

~

“Yeah, of course,” he said, returning the smile. “Wouldn’t want you falling head over heels now would we?”

---

part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten

---

taglist (send an ask, reblog, or reply if you want to be added)

@winterrose42

@are-you-even–real

@shaded14space

@lallyphant

@deceits-left-glove

@aricana8

@pixelated-pineapple 

[masterlist]

[strelightzia]

One Sky [Ch. 1: Land]

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Rating: G

Word Count: 1819

Pairings: RokuNami, RikuNami, RepliNami (see tags)

Summary: Now that Namine has a body again, she has a lot to learn about her new life, herself, and the world.

Read on AO3

Namine had never asked to be given a body, but nobody had asked how she felt about it first.

She’d opened her eyes in Ansem’s lab, realizing that she had eyes to open; she looked down at her hands, her legs, touched her hair and her face. She had a body again. A replica body, at least. The scientists told her that she was one hundred percent human now, or as close as possible to one hundred percent as they could get. The important part was that she was free.

She had sat in silence for most of the ride, but now she looked over at the boy in the driver’s seat of the gummiship that was currently speeding them through the Ocean Between. “...Riku?”

“Yeah?” He didn’t take his eyes off his driving, swerving the ship deftly around an asteroid.

“Where are we going?”

“To Twilight Town. Ansem the Wise wanted you to have the Old Mansion.”

“Me?”

“He said it was a small way to apologize for everything, giving you a home.” Riku looked over at her. “Unless you wanted to go somewhere else?”

Somewhere else? She had nowhere else. The idea of a home was a concept she had never entertained. 

“Twilight Town is fine.”

“I’m glad to hear that, since we’re almost there.” Riku tilted his head at the windshield and smiled. “You want to take a look?”

As Namine peeked over his shoulder, the clouds ahead of them were parting to reveal Twilight Town in all its golden glory. From the sky, the buildings were no bigger than matchboxes. Even the clock tower looked like a toy. Despite this, Namine could see familiar places and familiar streets as they descended: the Sunset Terrace, the tram lines, Station Heights. The sights made her chest feel tight, as if something was squeezing her heart.

It made no sense. Namine had only ever visited the virtual Twilight Town; in the real world, she had spent all her time in the mansion as she restored Sora’s memories with DiZ and Riku. She had never known the real Twilight Town, so why did seeing it make her ache like this? The thought was confusing and uncomfortable. She stepped back from the window, not wanting to see anymore.

Riku steered the gummiship over the town and past the woods, finally touching down in a familiar clearing in front of a familiar gate. He helped Namine down from the ship, then turned back to close the door while Namine stood at the gate and looked up. In the sunset light, the shadows of the iron bars fell across her face. Beyond the bars sat the mansion.

It was just as she remembered, as inexorably alone as it had been the last time she’d seen it. 

The sound of Riku coming up behind her made her jump. “If you’re set with everything, I’m going to head back to–“

“Wait!” Namine reached out suddenly, pulling Riku’s sleeve. She hadn’t meant to do it, but her body had moved on its own. She cast a look back over her shoulder at the mansion and turned away just as quickly. 

She opened her mouth, trying to tell him she was scared, that she didn’t want him to leave just yet, but the right words weren’t coming out of her mouth. 

“No...I don’t…” Her breathing was quickening, her hands shaking. She didn’t understand why her body was reacting like this but she couldn’t stop it. 

Riku looked down at her. His eyes softened with what looked like understanding. “Come here with me for a minute.” He gently removed her hand from his jacket and led her towards the woods. As they moved away from the mansion, Namine felt herself calming down.

The feeling of sunlight was strange and familiar to her at the same time, a disorienting sense of deja vu. It was the same with the feeling of the wind in her hair, the sound of her footsteps, the sensation of taking a deep breath of air. It all felt lovely, but wrong. She had existed for so long as nothing but a heart, she had forgotten how it felt to be human. 

If she had ever been one, that is.

Riku directed her to a sunlight patch of grass and made her sit. He sat down next to her and looked at her with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I hate this place,” said Namine softly. “I never thought I would come back here.”

Riku’s eyes widened slightly, then narrowed as he pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry, Namine. I never thought–I didn’t realize how you might feel about this. We should have talked it over more before bringing you here.”

“No, it’s ok. I understand. And I’m not mad at Ansem. He was just trying to do the right thing. I don’t hate it completely. It’s not the mansion. 

It’s just...” Namine paused, trying to find the right words and settling on one. “...Complicated.”

Riku chuckled softly at that. “That’s for sure.”

"I spent so long being alone, and then being used, but I never really thought it was wrong. I just woke up one day in Castle Oblivion, with no concept of who I was or why I was there. I didn't know anything about the world. When that's all you've known, you'll cling to anything that gives your existence meaning. But that's just what life is for people like me. For Nobodies. 

When Sora went to sleep and Ansem–DiZ–brought him to Twilight Town, I was so excited at first. Leaving Castle Oblivion felt like my life was starting over again. But it wasn’t. I was still doing what other people were telling me to do. I couldn’t go anywhere or do what I wanted. I was still a prisoner. And in the end, the last time I was at this mansion...” Namine didn’t have to continue. She and Riku both knew how it had ended, with DiZ dragging her away in a corridor of darkness even as Roxas was reaching for her.

“Even then, I didn't think much of it until I returned to Kairi's heart. I felt through her heart how she loved everybody around her so purely, and felt how that love was returned. It made me realize...I didn't know what that was like. Until I met Sora, I didn't know what it was like to have someone care for me. Well, Sora and one other..."

Namine's voice trailed off as the memory of another boy surfaced. A face she'd only known for a short time, but still tugged at her heart whenever she thought of him. 

“Your replica…”

Riku turned his face away. “He’s gone.”

Namine let out a breath. “I thought so.” Disappointed, but not surprised. 

“Namine…I didn’t want to tell you, but...the reason he’s gone…” Namine had never heard Riku sound so hesitant before. “The truth is, he had a chance to take a body for himself. But he gave it up for you. He said you needed it more.”

It was difficult to keep her face blank at that, so she turned her head away. 

“I think he was happy with that though,” Riku continued. “It was his choice.”

His choice, huh? Namine laughed sadly. “Of course it was. I guess he never thought about my choices.” She leaned back and looked up at the canopy of rustling leaves overhead. “I wanted to see him again, just once. Just to say thank you.” Dust motes were dancing in the shafts of warm afternoon sunlight that slanted through the branches. “And to say ‘I’m sorry.’”

“I’m sure he knows.”

Namine shook her head and smiled, her eyes closed against the sunlight. “Maybe he does. But it’s not the same as if I’d said it to him, right? Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I wanted to say it properly. I wanted to look into his eyes and know that he heard me, and see that he’d forgiven me for what I did.” Her voice trailed off as she opened her eyes again. The sunlight was dazzling. She was suddenly aware, with a startling sharpness, of every blade of grass brushing against her skin, the crisp bite of the breeze on her neck, and rush of forest sounds that was swelling all around her.

“I don’t know why I’m here, Riku.”

The forest fell silent.

“I don’t think any of us do,” said Riku, leaning back on his hands. “When I was a kid on the Destiny Islands, I was convinced that I was meant for a life of adventure. I wanted nothing more than to leave that tiny island, and see all the other worlds for myself.” He laughed ruefully. “I certainly got my wish. But I also wonder sometimes if just spending those years on that quiet island with Sora and Kairi, having fun together and growing up...might not have been so bad either.” His bright green eyes met her own with a reassuring smile. “None of us know what we’re doing here, Namine. Too often we wish for what we don’t have, only to realize we never wanted it once we get it. We’re all messed up in one way or another. But that doesn’t mean you have to let that get in the way of being happy.”

Namine hid the smile that twisted her lips. It had been a long time since she thought she was allowed to be happy, but Riku had said it so matter-of-factly that it almost made her want to laugh. She didn’t know if she believed him yet, but knew that he meant it sincerely, so she didn’t argue. She simply leaned back and closed her eyes again, letting the sunlight soak into her skin. 

“It certainly is a beautiful day.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Riku walked her back to the mansion. Namine put a hand on the gate. The metal was warm to the touch, radiating the heat of the afternoon sun. Ahead of her, the mansion sat still and cavernous and empty. She turned back to look at Riku. 

“What will I do tomorrow?”

Riku smiled. “That’s up to you.” 

But without Organization XIII, without DiZ, without Sora...who was she? Namine didn’t have an answer. In the light of the setting sun, all she knew was that she dreaded the moment she went inside and shut the gate behind her. Alone again, and this time, utterly without purpose.

Darkness might have been preferable.

But they hadn’t given her that choice. And now that she was here, Namine had to admit that deep in her heart, she knew darkness was never what she would have wanted. She had been resigned to her fate, but had never wanted it. In this world without darkness though, everything was different. This was her life starting over, and this time she was free.

Namine took a deep breath, and opened the gate.

[megabadbunny]

No Place Like Hohm (8/8)

“Ready?” the Doctor asked Rose.

She beamed at him. “Ready.”

***

(Aka the obligatory post-GitF fic, for anyone else who ever wondered what might have taken place between a trip to France and an adventure in a parallel universe.)

***

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Chapter 8

This time, Rose smiled as she stepped outside into the city. The planet Hohm looked much the same as it had a few days prior—clear blue skies, three moons shining overhead, colorful pennants waving lazily in the breeze, white buildings practically glowing in the sun—but there seemed to be a little extra pep in everyone’s step, as the people and horse-people bustled about their business. Maybe Rose was just imagining it, but she didn’t think so.

“So,” she said, a grin spreading across her face as she turned to Dyana and Vareem. The two of them grinned at her in return, standing tall and proud in their elegant ceremonial Council robes; it was a look they were both well-suited-for, Rose thought. “Ready for your next adventure?” she asked.

“Yes,” replied Dyana firmly, as Vareem said, “Not even a little bit,” and they both burst out laughing.

“At least we look the part,” Vareem chuckled, plucking at her robes. “That counts for something, right?”

Rose laughed. “Absolutely. That, and confidence, and cleverness, and a good heart. Luckily, you two have got all four in spades.”

“Oh, stop,” said Vareem. “You’re making me blush!”

“And if all else fails, you can always take the Doctor’s advice and just walk about like you own the place,” Rose told them. “Cos, I guess you sort of do, now?”

“And it’s about time we left you to it,” piped up the Doctor’s voice; Rose turned to see him waltzing lazily in her direction, Mickey following close after. “Wouldn’t you say?”

Dyana frowned. “You’re not leaving already?”

“Of course we are,” the Doctor said pleasantly. “We’ve done about all the damage we can do round here, best leave it in the hands of the experts now. Besides, you’ll be far too busy to notice us being gone, what with your planet to rule and your people to help and your rotten system of oppression to dismantle.”

“And don’t forget about the Championship, while you’re at it,” added Mickey. “Might want to consider taking a sledgehammer to that thing.”

“Actually,” Vareem replied hesitantly, “we’re thinking we might keep it.”

Mickey’s eyes widened in alarm and Rose and the Doctor both stared at her, nonplussed. “Come again?” asked the Doctor, eyebrow arching sharply.

“Look, much as I hate to admit it, the Council was right about one thing,” said Dyana. “There’s a lot of money in the Championship. The Council was a bunch of greedy prigs about it all, but that money could really help our people—boost our economy, lift the town out of poverty, get everyone back on their feet.”

“And make technology available to everyone who wants it,” Vareem interjected.

“Besides, the idea of the Championship isn’t bad—it’s just the way the Council ran it,” Dyana continued.

Mickey and the Doctor didn’t look convinced, but Rose was patient. She nodded at Dyana and Vareem, urging them to continue.

“See, this time around, no one’s gonna be forced into anything. It’s all voluntary. You pay to get in, or you sponsor someone else getting in, or you pay to watch it all live,” Dyana explained. “And there’s no deadly weapons, no bride-prizes, no killing. Just people competing against other people. Just regular sports, really.”

Vareem nodded. “The groundwork’s already all laid out. A couple of easy adjustments and you’ve got something that’s, y’know, actually fun for everyone involved. We’ll just recenter the event on showcasing everyone’s athletic skills, just for the prestige of it.”

Mickey’s face lit up at that. “So it really is your planet’s version of the Olympics!” he laughed. “That’s pretty awesome!”

“It is indeed,” added the Doctor, beaming. “Well done, you two! Really well done.”

Dyana and Vareem both laughed, Vareem shaking her head, smiling shyly. But Dyana quieted down before too long, her expression growing thoughtful. “Seriously, though,” she said, her voice deep with sincerity. “Thank you all, for everything you did for us.”

“Absolutely,” Vareem chimed in. “Thank you so much!”

“Rose, you especially,” Dyana added, taking Rose’s hands in hers. “Just—thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Rose laughed. “I hardly did anything!”

“Not true,” Dyana told her firmly. “See, my sister and I had been planning things for ages, yeah, but when she—after—”

She swallowed, eyes clenching shut, and Vareem grasped her shoulder, humming in sympathy.

“After my sister was killed,” Dyana started again, and her voice only shook a little, “I was just...lost. I didn’t know what to do, except go on with the plans we’d made. I felt like I owed it to her, to try. I mean, she died trying to make things better for the two of us. For everyone in the city, really. So if I couldn’t carry on for me, I could at least do it for her, you know? But I was just going through the motions. It didn’t feel like anything was possible, without her. I’d lost hope. Truly.”

She squeezed Rose’s hands, tears welling up in her eyes. “Then I met you, and I saw how hard you fought for everything, no matter how bad things seemed to be, no matter how helpless or hopeless. You kept pushing on. You never gave up. Not ever.”

She drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “You helped me have hope again, Rose.”

Feebly, Rose started to protest—she didn’t deserve such praise, really she didn’t—but her gaze flickered to the Doctor to the Doctor’s just briefly, and she was surprised to see him softer than usual, somehow, a warm grin playing across his face. Like he knew something, maybe, that Rose didn’t.

Like maybe Dyana was right.

Rose’s smile deepened, and she felt a prickle of moisture behind her own eyes. “Thank you,” she said quietly, squeezing Dyana’s hands in return.

“I just thought you were sort of neat,” Vareem interjected and the three of them laughed again.

Brushing away her unshed tears, Rose lunged for Dyana and Vareem, looping her arms about both of them in a snug embrace. “You’re both brilliant, you know that, right?” she asked, hugging them both fiercely. “You’re gonna do great things here. You’re gonna make your sister proud.”

Both women hugged her back, just as tightly. “I really hope so,” said Dyana.

“Well, I just so happen to know so,” piped up the Doctor, “because I’m fairly certain we’re about to enter Hohm’s New Enlightenment, more or less.”

“Hey, now!” protested Mickey. “Are we allowed to say things like that?”

“Oh no, not at all,” the Doctor replied. “Anyhoo! Time to hit the open road, put the pedal to the metal, we’re burnin’ daylight here. Time’s a-wastin’.” The Doctor clapped his hands in illustration. “Let’s get this show on the road. Chop chop!”

Mickey and the Doctor both turned toward the TARDIS, but before she had a chance to move away, Dyana reached out to Rose for another hug. Rose happily accepted, squeezing tightly.

“That Doctor bloke’s hopelessly in love with you,” Dyana whispered in her ear. “You know that, right?”

Rose’s mouth fell open in response. Dyana pulled back with a saucy little wink. Rose’s cheeks flushed hotly in a way that had nothing to do with the sun beaming overhead.

“Stay out of trouble, yeah?” Dyana added, grinning cheekily.

Stepping back, Rose laughed. “No promises,” she said, hands spread wide as she stepped closer to the TARDIS.

“That’s my girl!” Dyana called out, and Vareem blew her a kiss as the TARDIS doors closed.

 **

 “That’s it, then?”  Mickey asked once they’d entered the Vortex, after the central column stopped grinding and the TARDIS calmed to its usual soothing hum. “We just pop in, have a bit of an adventure, then boom, we’re done, off to the next thing?”

“That’s it,” said the Doctor happily. He bounded round the console as he pressed a button here, threw a lever there. “All round the universe, anywhere and everywhere and everywhen and everything in-between.”

“Never a dull moment, huh?”

“Not with Rose and the Doctor!” the Doctor replied.

“And Mickey,” added Rose, laughing as she climbed up the stairs to the console.

“If you insist,” said the Doctor, and Mickey rolled his eyes. “Now the only question is: what next?”

Rose made a show of pretending to consider as she rounded the console, slowly approaching Mickey. “What, or where, or when?” she asked the Doctor, her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

“Any and all of the above,” said the Doctor, grinning. “Astrion’s still on the table, you know. Or Kabos Prime. Or ancient Egypt! Ooh, ancient Egypt. Who doesn’t love a good sarcophagus every now and then?”

Laughing, Rose nudged Mickey’s shoulder with hers. “Remember your Egypt phase, when you first saw Indiana Jones? This’d be right up your alley, I reckon!”

“Well, yeah,” said Mickey thoughtfully. “But what about you, babe?”

“What about me?”

Mickey shrugged. “You said one day, remember? One day, and then you were going home. Back to the Estate.” He crossed his arms, leaning back on the railing. “You still wanna go home?”

It took a second for the words to sink in, for Rose to remember. Her grin faltering just a little bit, Rose glanced over at the Doctor, before she had a chance to think better of it. Normally he might be fussing about the console right now, making a show of being busy while he pretended not to overhear such a conversation. But now, his hands were still, his attention focused solely on her, his face carefully impassive. Neutral. Watching. Waiting.

(Some things, Sarah Jane had told her, are worth getting your heart broken for.

Rose wondered if those words had been meant for the Doctor, as well.)

She smiled.

“Nah, we can always squeeze in another trip or two, or three,” Rose told Mickey, after a moment. “I’m not in any rush,” she said casually, looking at the Doctor.

The Doctor grinned at her, that soft, quiet grin, again, same as the one she saw before. She thought she might see something loosen in him, just a little bit.

“Quite right, too,” he replied softly.

“All right, cool,” said Mickey, blissfully oblivious to the exchange that had just taken place. “So, ancient Egypt, then? I’d love to see the pyramids. Or a real-live pharaoh, even!”

“Excellent!” the Doctor laughed. He flipped a few switches and the central column lit up, starting its telltale grind and groan. “Ancient Egypt it is, then! You lot ready?”

“Ready!” called Mickey.

“Ready?” the Doctor asked Rose.

She beamed at him. “Ready.”

“Fantastic,” said the Doctor. He pulled a lever on the console and the central column glowed golden, churning; the TARDIS shook and groaned all around them, sailing on the waves of the Vortex, on and out to the next adventure.

The Doctor whooped. “Allons-y!”

***

Find me on AO3!  ❤︎

[mikuyui]

!! heard you are taking requests! id love to see gn!reader x cyrus from octopath, everything else is up to you :o

Awww thank you so much for requesting this! I love Cyrus so much! I hope this is good enough for you. 

Scenario: You are one of Cyrus classmates and needs his help with studying and you start to develop feelings towards him. 

   It was boring class as normal. You heard the professor go on in his class as normal. As much as you hated to admit it half of the reason you joined this class was mostly to impress your pears however you found out that it was much more harder. Suddenly you jerked awake when the professor called on you. “Y/N can you tell me what the average price of a cloth map goes for?” He spoke as you looked at him. 

    To be fair you weren't paying attention to the lecture at all. You tried to glance down at others notes but you could barley see. You sunk into your seat as you started to feel the pressure on you. “I'm sorry I don't know.....” You trailed off. The professor scowled at you. 

    “Y/N if you could please try and pay more attention to class. We have a big test coming up in a few days and I wont tolerate any excuses to why you should not pass it.” He said with a harsh tone. He continued to write on his board. You saw several of you fellow classmates looking at you and chuckling a bit. Embarrassment started to flow through your face. However as you tried to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room you noticed a mane looking at you. Not with a amused look but one that seemed of pure interest. 

     You started to realize who he was. It was Cyrus. He was to most smartest student class. He’s even the professor for princess Mary. Knowing him he’s probably looking at you with pity. However you couldn't take your eyes off him. He was pretty good looking and you wouldn't dyne that. Class ended and you swiftly made your way to the library. You were not going to fail this test and were desperate to prove your self. As you sat down in a chair in the library and opened a book. Your had never really studied before but you were going to try your best. 

      As the drew on you had barley made any progress and it was starting to get late. You felt the sleepiness starting to take yourself over. Suddenly you felt a tap on the back of your shoulder. You jolted up and looked at who was behind you. “I'm sorry if I am disturbing you but you seem rather tired.” Cyrus said as he looked at you with a soft smile. You started to feel your cheeks heat up. The more you looked at him you were able to see all of his detailed features. No wonder your classmates said that he was a prince charming.

      “Oh Cyrus I am sorry I bet your here to study I should get going.” You said as you stood up and started to gather your things. However your hand was grabbed by his as you started to make your way out. “Y/N is it? I know your in my class and I see that you struggle quite a lot. Is something troubling you?” Cyrus said as he looked directly in your eyes. You started to feel a little flushed at the way he looked at you. 

      “Its stupid trust me you don't want to waste your time with me.” You said as you were trying to hide your red face. He gave you a soft smile. “Trust me Y/N if anything comes to studying I am more than willing to help anyone. Does this perhaps have to do with the events that transpired in the lecture today?” Cyrus said as he gave a concerned look. He pulled out a seat and beckoned you to join him. You pulled out the seat next to him and sat down. “I guess you could say that in a way.” You said as he looked at you directly never taking his eyes off of your face.

     “I see I thought that could have what caused you to come here.” Cyrus said as he put his hand on his chin. “I come here all the time and I never see you here so I thought to ask you about why you were here. I also saw that you were struggling.” Cyrus said. You put your hands together and looked down. “Well I wouldn't say I’m not struggling....” You started to trail off. 

    Cyrus looked at you and then smiled again. “I see so you just need a little help that's all!” He said as he pulled out several books and started to open them. You were a little confused. “Umm may I ask what is it your doing.” You asked. “Oh I probably should have told you that I thought maybe I could tutor you in a way.” Cyrus said as he started to open his notes. “Oh you don't have to do that for me Cyrus. You probably have way more important things to do.” You said as you were a little shocked at what was happing. “Oh but Y/N I must. It is my upmost important to help any fellow classmate of mine with their studies.” He said. “Oh but only if your ok with it of course.” Cyrus said as he looked at you for approval. 

     “I mean I would love your help. I bet I would defiantly do well on that test if I had you as my tutor.” You said. Cyrus chuckled. “That's what I love to see the thirst and sprit for knowledge know lets begin!” Cyrus said as he looked at you with such positivity. As you both studied together you felt yourself growing closer to him. He would lean in and show you things from the book. You could feel him right up to your own body. You felt your cheeks growing hot. As the night dwelled on you fell asleep at one point and you don't remember when. However when Cyrus noticed this he was tempted to wake you up but he saw how peaceful your face was. He brushed the side of your face and smiled. He then found himself getting tired and fell asleep next to you.

      The next morning you woke up to see Cyrus sleeping next to you his head face down in his book. It took you a moment to realize that you had slept next to him all night. You started to get flushed. Why didn't he just wake you up and send you home when he noticed you fell asleep. You looked back down at your book and noticed that you had messed up the pages a bit. You started to clean up you books and quills. As soon as you got up you heard a groan behind you. “Y/N.....” Cyrus said in his sleep. Did he just say your name. No way. You started to get heated. Why would he be thinking of you while he was asleep. You then heard his seat move. His eyes fluttered open. He looked up at you and smiled.

      “Oh Y/N good morning did you sleep well?” Cyrus said as he started the conversation like nothing had happened at all. You stuttered with your words. “Uh y-ya I g-guess.....” You said. He looked at the clock. “It appears we have some time before the lecture starts how about we studied a little more. it wouldn't hurt to just get a little more knowledge in would it?” He said as he turned his books and notes open to different pages. You blushed and sat by him. As you both studied together your chest would get excited every time he would look at you. You knew what this meant. You really had fallen for him

      Usually when ever you fell for someone you would always just tell them right out to get out and over with. however he was different something was holding you back from just blurting it out. You knew that your classmates all said that he was in love with princess and that they had a secret relationship going on. so you just blurted it out. “Cyrus are you and princess Mary in a relationship or do you like her in anyway.” You said just randomly. He went a little wide eyed for a bit.

     “That's an odd question to ask now isn't it.” Cyrus said. “I know a lot of people misjudge the relationship that I have with the princess but let me just say this. I lover her like a teacher loves his students I can conform however that I have no romantic interest with her at all.” Cyrus spoke clearly to get his point across. “May I ask Y/N what drove you to ask that question if I may inquire.” Cyrus asked as he looked deep into your eyes. You were about to say why to him but suddenly the lecture halls bell started to ring. Cyrus swiftly got up and out of his chair not to be late. But before he left he looked at you. “Y/N Please meet with me here after class I wish to speak with you again as soon as possible.” He said as he exited out of the library.

      After the class ended you nervously handed in your test and prayed that your small time with Cyrus was enough to at least get you a passing grade. But you headed back to the library and met with Cyrus just like he had asked you to. He saw you and perked up. “Ah Y/N there you are.” Cyrus said as he greeted you. You smiled back at him nervously. “I was wondering if you could tell me why you asked me that question earlier.” Cyrus said. You looked down and were blushing a little. “Come on speak up now. I cant get much from a silent response.” He said as he looked down at you.

     “Ok I guess I will be honest I.... i wanted to know your stats with the princess because I really think your cool and handsome and really really smart. And so i wanted to ask you that because I like you. I am not very smart and I don't have really many good working habits but I hope that you'll at least give my feelings a bit of thought.” You just spat out. You didn't open your eyes to even look at him afraid of his reaction. Instead of him saying anything you felt a pat on your head. You looked up to see him smiling with a light blush. “Y/N can I tell you something I don't need my partner to smart or as intelligent as me . I just need you to be you. And I think that you could be a good partner I and I would be more than wiling to help you study and give you the upmost care and affection you could have. Plus I will need a companion on my adventures in the future and I think you and I would make a great team together.” Cyrus said. He then leaned in and placed a kiss on your forehead. 

This was a really fun request to write and I thank you so much for it     

          #octopath #Cyrus #Cyrus x reader 

[apharine]

Sightseeing

Chapter 1

Pairing:  Siane x Nanu

Fandom: Pokemon

Rating:  T

Read on AO3

My writing commission info!

Summary:   Siane hadn't meant to wind up in Alola, under Nanu's care, while she recovered from a mysterious illness that left her prone to weakness and collapsing. But now that she's here and getting stronger, she wants to see more of Ula'ula than just the rainy skies and the Po Town wall by Nanu's police station. And who could be better suited to give her a tour than the Kahuna of the island himself?

Notes:  Siane is the wonderful HybridDragoness’ OC and she is amazing!  This fic is a commission for Hybrid and I’m honestly so honored to have been able to write for Siane and Nanu bc I love them so much!  Hybrid is a really talented artist and you can find her art of Siane here!  You can also find Hybrid on Twitter and AO3 under the same handle as on Tumblr!

                                         _____________________

“Is every day like this here?”  Siane asks, gesturing vaguely out the window at the grey and looming clouds.  It’s already started to drizzle, and she’s sure that by the afternoon, it’ll be pouring.  Because here, on Route 17, where she’s staying with Nanu in his police department-slash-home, that just seems to be what the weather always does.

She’s hoping that Nanu will just say that it’s been an unusually bad stretch of monsoon season weather for the last….four weeks?  Five?  Siane’s a little foggy on exactly how long it had been, and she has the sudden feeling that time has been getting away from her while she’s been so weak.

But Nanu smirks, sipping at his coffee - black - and lowering the newspaper he’s reading, his shocking crimson eyes meeting hers from across the small kitchen table.

“Pretty much,” he responds easily.  For a moment, Siane is sure he’s watching her for a reaction, but all she does is blink and look at him closely in return.  He’s an odd one to figure out, in some regards - he reminds Siane, oddly, of some of the Pokemon she’s worked with as a conservator, back home.  More specifically, he reminds her of the ones that don’t like humans very much.  

Except…there’s that light in his eyes, that light that he thinks he conceals.  He thinks he’s so surly - and sometimes he is - and he thinks he’s negative in a way that puts her off.  But Siane notices the little gleam of curiosity about him, and she knows exactly what it means.  She’s seen it before, and she’s seen all the Pokemon with it come around, in the end.

“So,” Siane says, finishing her breakfast and sitting back.  “The whole island’s like this?”

Nanu, who had been about to return to his newspaper, sets it down and sighs.  A Meowth cries, brushing against his leg, and he automatically reaches down to pet it.  Siane’s lips curl into a slight smile at the sight.

“No, of course not,” Nanu returns.  “There’s a lot of variety on Ula’ula.”

Siane raises her eyebrows encouragingly.

“Like?”  She prompts.

“There’s Malie City, of course, where the weather is typically nicer.  We’ve got Hokulani Observatory - they picked their site on Mount Hokulani because it’s above the city lights and it’s almost always clear there.  There’s the Haina Desert, too, and the Ula’Ula Meadow just off this Route, which is covered in flowers,” Nanu says, ticking things off on his fingers as he goes.  

“Wait - an actual desert?  On this island?”  Siane says, gesturing again out the window vaguely with a little snicker.  It’s nearly impossible to imagine that there can be a place on this same landmass that isn’t absolutely smothered in rain and puddles.  “You’re sure you’ve got that right?”

“I better,” Nanu grumbles, picking up the Meowth and setting it in his lap.  “I’m Kahuna of ‘this island’, after all.”  He does little finger quotes as he speaks, and Siane can’t resist the way her smile grows on her face at his unintentional antics.  Nanu notices, though, and frowns at her.  “What?”

“Well,” she says, careful to deflect.  She’s learning that being too directly friendly with Nanu often puts him off, and she really doesn’t want to put him off just now.  “I was just kind of thinking…I’m feeling better these days.”

“You nearly passed out before your shower yesterday,” Nanu says sardonically.

“Yeah, but that was like, the only time I had an issue all day,” Siane says, waving his concern off.  Sure, he’d had to catch her, but still - she was doing better, and she hated feeling - or admitting to being - weak.  “Don’t give me that look.  I know I need to get more of my strength back.  But I also need a change of scenery.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to wind up with a Vitamin D deficiency here otherwise.”

To her surprise, Nanu actually makes a little snort through his nose that she thinks is supposed to be laughter.

“Vitamin D deficiency or not, you’re in no shape to be going galavanting around the island alone,” Nanu returns, his voice holding a little of that biting edge that he seems to think is so off-putting.  

“I know,” Siane shrugs easily.  “That’s why I was hoping you’d come with me.”

Siane watches as Nanu takes a sharp breath in, his crimson eyes flashing.

“I have - things to do,” he mumbles, suddenly deflating and looking away.

“I thought it was your day off today,” Siane prods.  She knows she’s being a little pushy - there were plenty of friends back home who would be quick to point that out in a moment like this - but she also knows it’s the only way she stands a chance at getting her way.  And she needs to get her way.  She needs to be stronger - not only for herself, but for all Aedis, too, and she won’t get that if she stays inside this police station forever.

The Meowth in Nanu’s lap jumps off and scampers away, interested in something across the room.

“Yeah.  It’s my day off.  Doesn’t mean I don’t have things to do around here,” Nanu returns, though the biting edge to his voice is gone.

“I can help you with whatever needs to be done tomorrow,” Siane offers.

“Oh?  Then we could just as easily tour the island tomorrow,”  Nanu quips, his eyes narrowing.

“I guess we could,” Siane acquiesces.  “No reason why it’s gotta happen today, right?”  Somehow, the ready admission seems to put Nanu off a little, though he covers it quickly and well, years of his police training likely kicking in at a moment’s notice.

A long silence stretches out between the two of them, and Nanu takes a sip of his coffee, his red eyes drilling into her.  Siane tears her eyes away from the Kahuna, instead looking out the window again.  The rain had picked up a little, and she traces one particularly fat raindrop as it rolls down the window, gathering other droplets in its path.  As easily as she’d admitted that tomorrow worked just as well as today, spending another day doing nothing feels intolerable to her spirit, which is just bursting to be free.

“We can go today,” Nanu finally speaks up, setting his drained coffee cup down on the table.

“We can?”  Siane says, her head whipping around to allow her gaze to refocus on Nanu.  She could swear that the edges of his lips are turned up just the slightest bit - though it’s hard to see for sure at this distance.

“Yeah.  You got me, girl.  No reason I can’t do my stuff tomorrow, either, I guess,” the grey-haired man says.  Siane’s foot bounces just a little in excitement, and her chest feels like it could explode at the thought of sightseeing and adventure.

“Well - thank you,”  Siane says, a grin spreading across her features.  She stands to clean her dishes and get ready to go, but immediately, a wave of dizziness hits her.  She’d stood a little too fast, though she’s able to conceal this from Nanu by putting her hands flat on the table to brace herself.  With the eagerness written all across her face, she’s pretty sure the move just comes across as excitement.  “I promise you won’t regret this - we’ll get through everything you need done tomorrow.  I’m actually really excited about this, you know.  I finally get to see Ula’Ula, and my tour guide is going to be the island’s own Kahuna!”

A crooked smile flashes across Nanu’s face for a moment.

“Finally get to see the island, huh?  Didn’t know you’d been wanting to go for so long,” he comments, arching one eyebrow.  

“I’ve mentioned it, like, three or four times before now,” Siane laughs, standing up straight now that the dizziness had passed.  She gathers up her dishes and sets off for the sink, flashing a teasing smile over her shoulder at Nanu.  The man gathers his dishes and hovers close to her as she walks; he clearly doesn’t trust her on her feet just yet, which Siane figures is just as well at this juncture.

“Didn’t really think you were serious when you were saying that stuff, since you couldn’t make it to the door if you’d tried,” Nanu returns dryly.  

“Well, I was,” Siane says.  “Serious, that is.  And I really am excited about this.  So thank you again.”  She affixes the Kahuna with her best smile, and this time, she definitely sees the way his fingers fidget just a little on his coffee cup.

“Hm,” Nanu says.  “You’re welcome, I guess.”

As Siane moves off to the side to put her rinsed dishes in the dishwasher, he scrubs at his coffee cup with a sponge, trying to get the ring of black out of the bottom and trying even more desperately to convince himself that he had agreeing to this just because he didn’t want her to keep bothering him about it.  It had nothing to do with the fact that he felt a twinge of pride when he thought of all the radiant locations across the island - his island - or that he wanted to see the look on this young woman’s face as she took them all in.

You could have let her go alone, a small voice insists in the back of his mind.  Send Honchkrow with her.  She’d be fine, and Honchkrow could fly her home if she were to have a problem.

But the thought of Siane, crumpled on the ground and hurt, alone, in a strange place, makes his heart clench a little.  And why shouldn’t it?  His job - both as a cop and a Kahuna - was to protect people.  Whether Nanu liked it or not, he was a protector, and the young woman currently telling him she was going to go find some shoes for going out in had landed herself squarely in his protection.

“You’re going to want to change your clothes, too,” he calls after her, putting his coffee cup in the dishwasher.  “The rest of Ula’ula is a lot sunnier and hotter than it is here.”

“Okay!”  Siane calls back, and Nanu allows himself to smile a little to himself as he scratches the ear of a Meowth who’d come up to nuzzle at him on the counter.

Whatever the reason he had agreed to play tour guide for the day, he has to admit that he feels a little excited about it, too.

 ***

 “So, Kahuna,” Siane grins, standing under the eaves of the police station to stay out of the rain.  Nanu glances up from the device he’s trying to operate - apparently called a ride pager - and affixes Siane with what should be a withering gaze, except that she’s in too good of a mood to find it anything other than amusing.  “Where to first?”

“If I can get a Charizard to come, we’ll be going to Malie City first,” Nanu grumbles, turning to frown down at the device again.  “Pretty sure I just - there we go.”

“You use that thing often, huh?”  Siane asks coyly, and Nanu’s eyes flit back up to her, a sharp expression in their red depths - but it vanishes quickly, as soon as Nanu realizes Siane’s teasing is harmless, playful, even.

“Usually I just fly on Honchkrow if I’m going any distance, but I can’t ask him to carry both of us,” Nanu explains.

“Makes sense,” Siane says, shifting on her feet a little.  Nanu’s surprised to find himself taking a step closer to her, just in case that little weight shift was a sign of any impending wooziness.  But no - she seems steady on her feet, and he’s just worrying too much.  “You know, I am a flying-type specialist.  I’m sure Fearow could carry me.”

Nanu frowns at this.  

“No.  I’d feel better if you were on the Ride Pager Charizard.  They come with this, kind of a saddle thing,” Nanu explains, trying to gesture with his hands to indicate what he was talking about.  “You’ll be safer on that.”

The unspoken implication of the hazards of Siane’s unpredictable weakness hangs between them for a moment.

“So what’s in Malie City?”  Siane finally asks.

“Well, there’s the Malie Garden, and the architecture is pretty spectacular in the city.  It’s right on the ocean, too, so you’ll get to see that.  Plus I figured we could pick up some takeout to have for lunch later,” Nanu shrugs.

“Yeah?  Like, a picnic?”  Siane asks, sounding a little excited.  A lopsided smile pulls at Nanu’s lips, but he smooths it over in a flash.

“Something like that.  Mount Hokulani isn’t far from the city, so we can take a bus to the observatory if you’d like,” Nanu continues, thinking through his last-minute plans for the day out loud.

“I wanna see this desert you claim exists here, too,” Siane says, giving Nanu another teasing grin.  Nanu only frowns at her words.

“The desert is halfway across the island, Siane,” he says.  “And the conditions there are harsh. Neither of us are really sure how much you’ll be up to…”

Siane’s face falls, and to Nanu’s surprise, he actually trails off instead of hammering his point home, like he usually would.  He grimaces and glances away, scanning the cloudy skies for any sign of the Charizard he’d called.  Nothing yet, of course.

“We’ll see how the day goes,” Nanu concludes.  Even as he continues to look away from the young woman by his side, he’s surprised to hear himself softening his own words for her.

Must be getting soft in my old age, he thinks to himself, grimacing again.

A long silence stretches out between the two of them, but Nanu can sense the way she continues to shift her weight a little, clearly regaining her sense of anticipation for the day ahead.  Nanu is happy to stay quiet and listen to the rain, which pours off the eaves over them and trickles to the ground in great drops.

Finally, he sees a winged figure approaching through the clouds - Charizard.  He puts one hand up to wave it down, though he knows it’s likely unnecessary - all Ride Pager Charizards know the Island exceptionally well.  Siane looks to him, then back to the approaching Pokemon, and decides to mimic him, waving it down as well.

Hmm.  Cute.

Nanu’s eyes widen at the thought.  Had he - had he just thought she was cute?  No.  Acerola was cute.  Meowth was cute.  A grown young woman relying on him for safety and protection could absolutely not, under any circumstances, be cute.

Charizard lands with a happy roar of greeting, and Siane’s eyes light up at the sight.  She glances over to Nanu, a brilliant smile on her face, and exclaims,

“Are you seeing this?  He’s got a saddle!  And I’ve never seen a Charizard so orange before!  Their faces are different in Aedis, too!”

Before Nanu can reply, she hustles over to the Charizard, approaching him politely and letting him sniff her while she continues to coo over him.  Nanu rolls his eyes, but ultimately smiles to himself.  If she thinks this is exciting, she’s gonna have an amazing day ahead.

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

roommates AU!! Maybe one where young Tony has had a string of awful roommates (ie. they bully him for his age, etc.). The housing office transfers him one last time and tells him to give it a week. If this one still doesn't work out, then they'll let him room alone. At first, Tony just wants the week to be over, but of course his new roommate is the sweet Peter Parker. Cue pining!Tony, oblivious!Peter and a fluffy resolution... Just my rambles, but always excited to see what you come up with!

do the thing - send in all the prompts.    

Nonnie, this was a lovely prompt - thank you so much for the idea! I aged Tony up a little bit to make sure there wasn’t anything underage, but I hope I hit all the things you were looking for! 

Tony always figured flying through school would be a breeze. And for the most part – it was. The class material turned out to be easier than even he anticipated; he could’ve easily gotten through high school with his eyes closed. At 16, the concept of winning was the only thing that registered to him – what he was winning, he didn’t really know; but beating out his peers around him always made him feel just a bit better about how ridiculously brainy he really was.

Of course, the social aspect of school wasn’t nearly as easy. Most people didn’t understand what it was like to be the son of Howard Stark – Tony knew the inside of a lab before the age of 4 and attended dinners with some of the world’s figure heads on a consistent basis. As one of the youngest people in the entire room always, Tony struggled to fit in. Being smart wasn’t the piece of school that people admired, especially when the age gap was already so substantial. To say he was picked on was putting it mildly.

He assumed getting to college would end all of the bullying that came pre-packaged in the high school experience. Why would people in the pursuit of a degree in higher education care how old anyone was? The shocking reality of how wrong he was came when his very first roommate locked him out of the dorm for a full 48-hours. Tony didn’t like to throw around the weight of his name, but he hadn’t showered and needed textbooks to get to some of his classes. Needless to say, his roommate did not remain in the room for much longer.

Tony’s next roommate at least lasted for the rest of the year – he was an asshole at all points in time, but he didn’t lock him out of the room or touch his shit. There wasn’t enough of a connection to ask him back as a roommate – so Tony put his name back on the list for a roommate and went about his summer vacation.

Coming back from Italy, Tony was refreshed and more than ready to get through the next year as quickly as possible. He’d turned 17 over the summer and was one step closer to being on the cusp of independence. Then, people couldn’t judge him for his age. Tony walked into the year with a positive attitude – that was quickly bat down by the homophobic bigot they stuck him with. Tony still didn’t like the way faggot sat on the surface of his skin.

The struggle to keep a roommate brought him in front of housing for what felt like the hundredth time – all he wanted was some peace to get through school and maybe enjoy some of it. The notoriety of the university kept the supply of single rooms scarce, but he figured if push really came to shove, he could find a way to get one for himself. Cindy, who’d been dealing with him since his first gem of a roommate screwed the pooch, looked at him with a mixture of pity and concern. “I need you to give it a go one more time, for at least a week. There aren’t any singles available and I’m certain that this person will be suitable for you. In the meantime, I’ll see what I can do if all else fails.”

A barely concealed scoff left his mouth, but he nodded, anyway. After the stream of lectures he got from his father when the initial trouble started, Tony was determined to settle the situation by his own means, even if that meant trying to stomach one more person for 7 days. All of his other roommates proved how terrible they were right from the get-go, so he figured he could make it – the other side held the key to his single and a little bit of peace from the boring monotony of societal norms.

A couple of days later, a knock on the door drew Tony from the book in front of him – he’d been balls deep in the chapter on electrical energy conversion. Standing up from his seated position, Tony realized how long he’d been sitting when his feet felt a little numb. The break was obviously needed.

Pulling the door open, Tony let a soft gasp leave his lips – the person standing there was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. Long legs led to a torso that was covered with a white and purple striped shirt and flight jacket. The length of this person’s neck held a head covered in dark brown, curly hair. Tony took a couple of steps back on instinct, his brain going haywire.

“Are you Tony?”

In an attempt to speak, Tony opened his mouth – no words followed, however. Blushing, he chose to nod instead. He opened the door a little bit wider, his hand swinging in a ‘come in gesture’. His lips were quirked into an involuntary smile, everything about his body he could usually control now running on instinct and the overwhelming hormones that coursed through him.

A soft chuckle left the other’s mouth, the sound like music to his ears. Why did it take this long to deliver someone like this to his door? More than anything, Tony hoped that handsome person walking into the dorm that must be his new roommate wasn’t a total piece of shit – he wanted to be able to hold out a little hope.

“I’m Peter – Peter Parker. I just transferred here,” the man, Peter, said – his eyes wandering around the modest fixtures that Tony kept around the shared space. “Is that really a big-screen TV?” Peter’s plumps lips formed a roguish grin, coffee-colored eyes flashing with genuine excitement. “I never thought I’d see one of those in a college dorm room.”

Tony watched him trace a hand across the top, his fingers fiddling with the wiring at the back of it. “And it has HDMI capability. We can get both of my systems set up on this thing.” Peter’s excitement took him by surprise, everyone else who walked through the door didn’t care about the cool shit he brought with him – just the differences between them; his age, the sexuality he refused to hide – his academic abilities, even.

Not Peter, though – he went on to explain that he was getting a degree in Electrical Engineering and didn’t get to have some of the newer appliances growing up. It was weird, to see someone so excited about the nerdy stuff Tony liked, too. They heartily discussed the best way to get both the Xbox and PlayStation set up through the tv without bogging down the cable setup already existing in the room. 

By the time they were both happy with how Peter’s things mixed into the fixtures of the room, Tony figured he was already head over heels for the guy – for the first time in his life, someone took him at face value and didn’t hate what they saw.

----

The rest of the year with Peter went by seamlessly. During the spring semester, they planned to have a class together, both of them still needing to take some of the basic engineering classes. There wouldn’t be a lot of cross over later in their degrees, so they took advantage. It was different, having someone he could rely on sitting in class next to him, and then being there at home later on, too. Tony never got to experience the sort of camaraderie that Peter so freely gave to him.

Mornings were filled with the two of them trying to make breakfast on the little hot plate Peter brought from home. It was always an adventure, trying to get everything cooked all the way through and evenly – at least, Tony enjoyed watching Peter puzzle it all together. Their day started together and as the time passed, it ended together, too. Peter liked to spend time in their shared space, so Tony found excuses to be out there, too.

Tony found himself seeking out Peter’s company all the time, if he were being honest. Peter was the most interesting person – he didn’t care about the normal things; he wanted to learn and explore, he wanted to see what the world had to offer. Best of all, he seemed to want to include Tony in the things he wanted to know more about.

A couple of months into their second semester living together, Tony looked up to find Peter staring at him. “What’s your middle name?” Peter asked, a smirk slipping across his lips. “Are you an Anthony, or just Tony?”

Putting his pen down in the book he’d been reading to keep his place, Tony shifted a bit and gave Peter his full attention. “My full name is Anthony Edward Stark. No one but my mom calls me Anthony, though.” Tony tried to keep the blush he couldn’t help under cover, but his ears were warm – there was no escaping it. “What about you? Are you a junior, or something?”

The exchange went on a for a while, Peter talking a bit about his family in Queens and the Brainiac’s team he left behind when he graduated and came to Cambridge. Tony soaked up the information and attempted to be open about pieces of himself, too – he talked about his dad and the weird relationship they had and about Dum-E and the never-ending tweaks and adjustments he made to better him.

It was a little easier after that conversation, both of them felt a little more comfortable and for Tony, he felt closer to Peter than any other person in his life. He hoped it wasn’t obvious, how much Peter meant to him. There were stars in his eyes constantly – so he kind of doubted it.

Even his mom noticed how things shifted for him – he wasn’t his normally surly self when he went home over spring break. Maria looked at him with a weird smile – Tony didn’t think he’d ever seen the look on her face before. “School okay, Tony?” she questioned, her hands brushing through the hair by his ear. He figured she missed the little kid he used to be – he would sit for hours and let her pet him like that back then.

Grinning, Tony nodded – his teenage hormones making it hard to keep himself calm, cool, and collected. “Yes, it’s okay. I’m doing well and really enjoying Differential Equations this semester.” He kept his answer brief, his inability to talk to her still in place despite the weightless feeling that accompanied him. “I’m thinking about picking up a class in the summer and sticking around.”

He didn’t tell her that Peter was involved in a work study program and would need to be on campus all summer working. It seemed silly to give up his bedroom in the place that was now his home simply because summer came around. 

Tony didn’t want to miss a single second of time he could be around Peter – no matter how weirdly pathetic that probably was. Later, when he left the kitchen and headed towards his room, Tony missed the smile his mom beamed his way.

Their end of the semester project was due a couple of weeks after they got back from spring break, so Tony and Peter spent a lot of time together when they got back from visiting their respective families. It was a little like the time away from each other strengthened the need for the bond between them. Peter spent more time in the dorm and when he couldn’t be there, Tony pestered him at work, the help desk more than familiar with him after all the time he spent there.

The closer they got; the more Tony wondered if Peter felt the same way that he did. Tony knew he was still young, his 18th birthday creeping slowly toward him. There were tons of great looking people on campus, people that were closer to Peter’s age – but he hoped, he crossed his fingers and looked up in search of a person he didn’t believe in just to send up a little wish into the atmosphere.

Tony tried to gage things between them a couple of weeks before the end of the semester – he wanted the summer to go off without a hitch and knew his useless pinning would be more of a burden than anything if he didn’t at least try and find out if he stood any chances. He wasn’t completely sure of how he’d try to fish out the truth, but he needed to – the probable thought of exploding crossing his mind frequently.

A perfect opportunity presented itself when Peter came home a little tipsy from a party that Friday night, his face split into a loose smile, eyes shining with the blaze of alcohol and something simmering just below the surface. Tony paused the round of Tekken he’d been playing, his hand patting the cushion next to him. “Have a good night?” Tony asked curiously, his lips slipping into a smile when Peter threw himself carelessly down onto the couch. Their shoulders brushed, that little bit of contact sending a torrent of happiness through him.

“I definitely drank enough to make it feel like it was a good night,” Peter replied, the alcohol letting the words fall easily from loose lips. “MJ brought 151 in a little flask – it doesn’t taste like shoe cleaner, so it was easy to drink a little bit too much.” He smiled and leaned further into Tony’s side. “Glad to be back, though.”

A nose brushed the side of his neck, Tony holding his breath to stop the gasp that tried to escape from the confines of his chest. He put the controller down on the arm of the couch and sat more fully on the couch – his arm going around the back of it. “I’m glad that you’re back, too,” Tony admitted, his hand moving inch by inch until his fingertips were just barely fumbling with the sleeve of Peter’s black t-shirt.

“What are you doing, Tony?” Peter asked from his place against Tony’s shoulder, his breath tickling his skin, the sensation distracting. He drew his bottom lip between his teeth and absorbed he warmth while he could – Peter nestled in the space Tony wanted him the most might never happen again.

“I – don’t know. I – “ Tony started to speak, but the common problem of getting a little tongue-tied around Peter coming back with a vengeance. “I think I was trying to put my arm around you.” He felt his face flush even further – his cheeks and ears the same colors as Peter’s without the influence of alcohol and its properties.

While he didn’t actually move away, Tony felt Peter stiffen. Sucking in a hurt breath, Tony froze, too – he must’ve read the room wrong. “Oh,” he heard Peter say, the word muffled by Tony’s skin still. He gulped, then extracted himself from the tangle of longer arms and warm skin – his eyes already starting to burn with tears he wouldn’t be able to control for much long.

“Sorry – I didn’t, I mean. I – sorry, Pete.” Tony babbled, the inability to speak in full sentences hitting him double time now that embarrassment coated the nervousness that threatened to overcome him. How stupid could he be? Turning before he could embarrass himself further, Tony made a quick beeline to his room and shut the door. He slumped back against it, sliding down to the floor.

----

Tony avoided Peter as much as he could leading up to the end of the semester, and subsequently, Tony’s birthday. He’d already made the commitment to stay over the summer, and he steeled himself for the awkwardness that would more than likely settle between them. The soft ‘oh’ Peter mumbled that night still played in his mind – his voice just as confused as the rigid posture of his body.

Either way, he needed to find a way to get over it – Peter was the best roommate he ever had, and he still had at least one more year of school to get through. It felt good to finish a semester and he did his best to focus on that instead of the weird ache in his chest. No wonder so many people were so wrecked by the love thing – when it didn’t work out, it hurt like an absolute bitch.

The two weeks before finals and Tony’s birthday followed much of the same pattern – Tony stayed in his room until he couldn’t stop the rumble in his stomach; he did his best to time his ventures into the shared space of the dorm when he thought Peter wouldn’t be there. It was easier to just ignore the situation and hope it past.

His birthday rolled around without much fanfare – he was glad to be 18 and didn’t need the huge party his parents wanted to throw him. They were never about him, anyway. Tony figured he’d spend the day watching the TV in his room and making his way through the couple different cartons of ice cream he put in the freezer the day before.

A knock on the door around 10AM had him muting the TV to answer it, his eyebrows furrowing when he saw Peter on the other side of the door. “Hey. Happy Birthday, Tony,” Peter started, the card in his hand being thrust forward into Tony’s chest without much finesse. The hand he could feel against him shook; Peter obviously nervous for some reason.

“Actually – that’s not why I’m here. I thought maybe you’d be more willing to open the door when there was something to celebrate.” Peter shrugged, his legs crossing in front of him. “Tony, that night – I wasn’t… upset, or anything. About what you said. I was surprised. I didn’t have any idea that you felt like that. It was a shock – I’d been crushing on you for months at that point and there you were, adorably trying to put your arm around me. You were gone before the ability to think started to work again.”

He reached out and traced Tony’s cheekbone with a soft finger, the caress barely there. “I like you, Tony – I want you to like me, too.” The fingers trailed along Tony’s soft skin and into his hair, the entirety of his hand palming the back of his neck when it got there. “And I think you do.”

“I do, Pete. I do. I really, really do.” Tony let both of his hands drift to the bare skin of Peter’s forearm, his fingers gripping the grounding warmth there. “Will you kiss me?” Tony asked the question so sweetly, the blazing in his eyes a sharp contrast

Peter used his lips to answer, the hand on the back of his head pulling Tony close enough to press their lips together. A gasp left Tony’s lips, the touch like an electric shock. In an attempt to keep his feet on the ground, Tony fisted Peter’s shirt in his hands, the move bringing them closer still.

The need for air had them pulling apart, Tony’s eyes opening wide to take in the look on Peter’s face – he figured the loopy smile there mirrored the happiness etched into his own cheeks.

“Want to go out with me, Tony?” Peter mumbled, his face breaking into a beaming smile.

Laughing, Tony used the grip on Peter’s shirt to pull him back in for a chaste kiss, his entire being thrumming with life.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[silviiarts]

Butcher of Blaviken

Pairing: Geraskier (Geralt of Rivia x Jaskier/Dandelion) - not yet together. They’re just friends in this fic. Rating: T Words: 1.9 K Genre: hurt/comfort Trigger warning: none 

The lute's chords rattled like the tinder that fed their fire, clear and almost loud in the otherwise dead silence of the night.

After a long day of work, very much needed to earn some coin, the bard loved to put his hands and instruments to the test; check if they could come up with a nice melody.

Geralt didn't mind the music, nor the musician's soft voice humming the lyrics that came to his mind. It was amusing, even.

He rested his back against Roach's plump back quarters, eyes closed and arms under his head like a pillow. Resting was a luxury reserved for the early night, when Jaskier was still awake in case that any danger showed up.

He was resting, but he wasn't asleep. And Jaskier knew this, so it wasn't uncommon for him to ask the witcher for advice every now and then.

"Hey, Geralt?"

"Hm."

"Does 'adventure' rhyme well with 'together' here?"

"... Hm..."

"Eh, that's what I thought. Thanks!"

And so they would spend hours and hours every evening. The witcher would gladly listen to all of his friend's tunes, although he didn't seem like it, and the bard would be pleased to share all his doubts and progress with him.

"Geralt?"

"Hm..."

"What rhymes with 'Blaviken'?"

The witcher's eyes slowly opened. He shifted, sitting up against his horse to stare at Jaskier.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? I can't sing about the Butcher of Blaviken without it falling at the end of a verse at least once!"

But Geralt didn't reply this time; not even the slightest of growls.

Jaskier was waiting for an answer and Geralt refused to give it. But it made the air feel tense after a while.

"... Geralt?"

"Isn't a punch to the junk enough for you to learn?" He finally growled in the lowest tone, startling Jaskier.

Geralt could even wonder, even if it broke something inside, whether Jaskier was just doing that to test him, poke fun or, even worse, because he didn't care.

And those thoughts made his fierce, feline eyes glow like embers in the dim light, which sent chills down Jaskier's back.

"Oh God- What do you mean, Geralt?" He asked, scared yet concerned.

At least, he seemed so.

It took so much of Geralt's already scarce patience to calm down his own thoughts and realize that Jaskier was, indeed, confused.

That's why he decided to take a deep breath and spit some angry words to try and make him understand.

"The first time you called me... that," he growled, brows furrowed and jaws clenched. "I thought I had made it clear that I didn't want to hear it again."

"What, Butcher of Bla..."

"Yes. God fucking damn it, yes," Geralt growled, practically glaring at his companion now.

Jaskier seemed to start understanding that the nickname carried important memories for the witcher. Apparently, not very pleasant ones.

The bard was so used to the epithets used to write that he had paid no mind to what they meant. And, judging by Geralt's expression, it had been a grave mistake.

"Why do they call you that, Geralt?" He asked in the softest voice, after a rather long and uncomfortable silence. “I always assumed that it was… a compliment. For killing a lot of dangerous critters or… something.”

The bard had never seen his witcher so... distressed. Not even fighting the most terrifying of monsters in the Continent.

He wasn't even expecting an answer from his companion anymore, when he heard a grunt rasping out his throat.

"Long ago," Geralt muttered, narrow eyes fixed on the quivering flames, "I was offered a deal from one of the most powerful men in Blaviken, a sorcerer."

Jaskier listened, quiet. He wanted to shuffle closer to the other man's side, but he chose to sit opposite of him.

That way, he could watch the emotions -those he claimed to not have, cross his face and cast their own shadows on the tale.

He wasn’t used to hear the witcher speak for so long. The deep, harsh sound of his voice draped over him like a heavy blanket, reminding him of how serious that story was.

"I refused to kill a human. He wanted me to take the life of a runaway princess, born under a curse that turned her into a... mutant."

That last word had sounded almost painful to get out.

"He had tried to hunt her down all her life. He had had her chased, attacked and even raped. I had the chance to meet her, and ended up tangled in the affairs of men."

The snarl that contorted Geralt's expression was stiff, as he tried to keep his feelings to himself. He wasn't supposed to feel, after all, not even hurt in the soul.

"She wanted to kill the sorcerer, but I refused to help her. Her allies attacked me, and I... I killed them all. One by one, in cold blood. I broke so many skulls and ribs and families that day..."

Jaskier's blood ran cold at the strained pain that twisted the witcher's voice. He knew his kind’s potential, everyone did. But that was the first time he had heard about Geralt- his Geralt, killing a human.

Nonetheless, he understood his reasons. And when Geralt tried to pick up the fear or the horror in the bard's scent, he didn't sense any of it.

"We fought. I didn't want to kill her, but I also didn't want to die at the hands of someone who didn't care about living or dying anymore. Without her allies and without my help, she wouldn’t be able to get what she wanted anyway. She surrendered to my blade, and I... I did it."

Geralt's hands twitched into tight fists, elbows resting on his knees. His gaze didn't shift from the fire, as burning as the torment and regret in his voice.

"I had finished the sorcerer’s deed without even having a choice. He wanted to ravage her body, look into her flesh for the origin of the curse. I had killed her, I couldn't let him dishonor her like that, and I thought that, maybe, it could be my redemption...”

The witcher’s lip trembled ever so slightly at the memories that washed over him like a freezing tide. He growled under his breath, fighting his emotions down with all his might.

“I threatened him, but he wasn't afraid. He turned the whole village against me and twisted what had actually happened. They sent me away with stones."

Witchers could heal very well, and all that had happened too long ago for him to have scars from the stoning, other that the wounds that it left in his heart.

Although he had tried to turn Blaviken into a valuable lesson, ‘not to get involved with men, never pick a side between them’, all it had given him was a harmful nickname and terrible, awful remorse.

The Butcher of Blaviken, as if he had been the one to let all that blood spill on behalf of his own personal benefit.

"I made friends with a little girl in Blaviken, before anything happened," he rambled on for a little longer, in a strangled whisper. "She was held hostage by Renfri, and it was my fault. She begged me to leave Blaviken, she was so afraid of me..."

Such a story managed to make Jaskier, who always sought for the raw emotions in every tale to turn them into songs, go quiet.

That was no story to be told, to be celebrated. That was a mess of human ambitions and a helping hand that got bitten. The true, raw suffering of the man he loved, and was hated by anyone else.

"Oh, Geralt- my dear Geralt..." He mumbled, trying not to express his regret as pity.

Those words sent a shiver down the witcher’s spine. In all honesty, he expected his companion to get up and leave. To finally see that he was following a beast, turn on his heel and run to the safety and certainty of mankind.

But he didn't.

Instead, he did shuffle closer this time. He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and let out a sigh.

"I'm so sorry, Geralt," he mumbled, in the thinnest of whispers. That was loud enough for him to hear.

Rage, fear, sorrow, regret, vengeance. Unable to tell them apart, there were many emotions that weighted on Geralt's heart on that moment. But, out of them, sadness was the heaviest one.

And he was just lucky that Jaskier could read him like an open book.

"People are so cruel, darling..." he muttered, gently stroking his hand up and down his friend's shoulderblade. "That... horrible name is all I had ever heard anyone call you."

The witcher grunted. Not that it surprised him.

"But no one had ever told me how fair you always try to be."

Jaskier's words definitely caught him off guard. He raised an eyebrow and looked back at him.

He was met by a warm smile, despite the tiredness of his usually bright blue eyes.

"Or how caringly you tend to Roach."

His whole body was burning against Jaskier's palm, and it was strangely soothing.

"Not even about the way your pupils grow when you're relaxed! Or what a good man you actually are!"

"Because I'm not."

"Of course you are! A bad person wouldn't regret anything, would they?"

This time, it was Geralt who had to shut up. Partly because he was exhausted, partly because he wasn't going to admit that Jaskier could be right.

Even the crackling if the fire was fainter, quieter; as if it were as touched by the story of the Butcher of Blaviken as Jaskier was.

The witcher's friend brushed his hand through pale locks, almost like petting a startled stray. Although it was that gesture what startled him.

Nonetheless, his gentle smile comforted him.

He wasn't leaving. He wasn't calling him any sort of names and running away in fear. Jaskier was right next to him, much closer than before, touching his hair like it was nothing.

"Hey, Geralt, don't worry..." He whispered, sweet as honey on the witcher's tongue. "It wasn't your fault, okay?"

After almost twenty years living with the weight of Blaviken on his shoulders, it was hard to believe Jaskier's soothing, albeit unbelievable words.

He replied with a soft growl, eyes shifting towards the bard. He pressed a kiss to Geralt’s forehead as soon as he turned, leaving him even more speechless.

"Don't worry too much about what happened... You gotta focus on the present now! I'll make sure to erase that hideous nickname from History. Just let me do my thing, darling~"

"Uh- I doubt you can do that," the witcher replied, barely hushing his words.

"Nu-uh! I already made a hit! The public's hungry for more stories about you. And I will make sure that no one ever calls you that again!"

It was futile to argue with Jaskier when it came to such things. He had already got into a fight with a drunkard that called Geralt a ‘mutant beast’ before.

The witcher exhaled a soft sigh and closed his eyes. When he noticed, his chest wasn't aching anymore.

[dreamsofnude]

An Ode to a Past Love

This is the hardest thing I will ever write.

It started a little more than six years ago. I met you at a concert in Philadelphia. I didn’t think much of you then. You followed me around all day with those big blue eyes and I thought nothing of it. You annoyed me actually.

You were persistent, and I liked that about you. You annoyed me, but you had so many traits that I admired. You were easy to talk to. You were kind. You knew how to make me laugh. We shared similar interests and values. But of course, you were just a friend.

Your entire existence conflicted with what I wanted in life; with who I wanted in life. You were wild and had experienced so much in just 18 years. You didn’t want to settle. I was 19 and in my first year of college, and didn’t know what my future held. I had a very clear idea in my head of the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You weren’t it.

You were always persistent. Despite how busy I was working and going to class, day after day we would text, talk on the phone, Facetime, send each other Tweets, and so on. There was never a time where we weren’t connected. I loved to hate that about us.

I turned 20 and decided I wanted an adventure. You were in bootcamp in North Chicago and I suggested that I would come visit. I had never traveled on my own. You agreed, and we made arrangements. Little did I know, that this would be the trip that ruined me forever.

I got on the plane, full of excitement and butterflies. I didn’t know why I was feeling them. I was just going to visit a friend; nothing major. We were going to meet downtown at Ogilvie Station. I got lost trying to find it. When I first saw you exit the train platform doors, we ran up toward one another and embraced each other with a force and closeness I had never felt — and that is when my life changed.

I didn’t know what was in store for us. I didn’t know that our first kiss was going to be on the top of the ferris wheel at Navy Pier that night. I didn’t know that we would spend the evening tangled in that hotel room bed. I didn’t know what was happening, and honestly, I didn’t care. I was happy. For once in my life, I felt happy.

I went back to Pennsylvania, and you went back to bootcamp. You got assigned to be in San Diego a month later. The distance between us just got larger, but I didn’t care. I wanted it to work.

You came back to Pennsylvania before they sent you to San Diego, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you. I will never forget that day. Unfortunately, it would be the last time I saw you for a few years.

We continuously found ourselves in a rigorous cat-and-mouse game for the years to follow. I would date someone; you would talk to me. You would date someone; I would talk to you. When it failed on both ends, we talked to one another. I didn’t mind it though, because we always found our way back to each other again.

I was in my last year of college. You called me one December night, drunk out of your mind. You confessed your love for me. You said “I want you from the beginning to the very end.” Though it didn’t make sense, I knew what you meant, and the cycle started all over again.

We decided to plan a visit after 3 years of not seeing each other. I flew to San Diego to spend 10 days with you in your apartment on the naval base. It was the new start with you I had craved for years.

We got a little drunk one night and got carried away. I found out two months later that I was pregnant. We agreed on an abortion. I want to say more about this but it’s hard for me to put it all into words. It still haunts me to this day.

I asked you if I could move to San Diego to be with you after I graduated college. I wanted us to finally be in the same place at the same time. You told me no. Later I found out it’s because you had a local girlfriend that you didn’t want me to know about.

At 23, I decided to move to Chicago after graduation and have a new start. I wanted to be with you but you still had a few years left in the Navy, and you didn’t want me to be in San Diego. I figured, Chicago was where we got our start, why not go there and make it our forever?

You told me you were afraid of me. You said you were afraid of how much I loved you, and how much you loved me. You said you were afraid of how intense and serious our connection was. You confessed to the secret local girlfriend that I had my suspicions about, but said you didn’t want to be with anyone else ever again. We finally made it official and started dating. I shouldn’t have forgiven you then, but I did. I should have hated you then, but I didn’t.

Things were rough because of the distance, but one thing was certain: the love we had for each other was on fire. We were wildly passionate about one another. We made several trips back and forth to see each other, but each time left us with wanting more. I have come to learn from this situation that sometimes just loving someone so much is not enough.

I always had my suspicions about your girl best friend. I knew in my gut she liked you, and that she always had. You denied these statements every time I made them.

You asked me in April if she could move in with you and your other roommate because there was an opening and her lease was up. I was not keen on the idea. I believe I said no several times because of how uncomfortable it made me feel. Truth be told, I didn’t trust her. I knew she would try something. Eventually I gave in, and said she could, but that there would be some ground rules in terms of what questions I could ask in order to ease my mind and reassure me with her being around. As I’m sure you recall, there wasn’t much reason for me to trust you either.

We broke up in May — two weeks after I resigned my lease for the apartment you were supposed to live in with me. I was now stuck by myself in a city that I hated. I hated the lifestyle. I hated the people. I hated the apartment that I once loved. I hated everything, but somehow I didn’t hate you.

We kept in touch, constantly actually. You still called and texted me every day. We still told each other about our days. We were both unprepared for what was to come.

My mental health started to decline rapidly. My therapist wanted to admit me to in-patient therapy, but I didn’t have the money. You sent it to me so that I could get the help I needed.

Time went on. I got a little better. I was released from the in-patient facility, and quickly started acting out. I was doing drugs and partying a lot, and you stuck to your reserved roots. We still talked every day. You were concerned, but just wanted me to have fun and feel free. I took advantage of that. I’m 25 years old and still sulking over my ex-boyfriend, so what better way to cope with the loss than with partying and drugs?

You came back to Pennsylvania for the holidays, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you, just like I had done years before. I will never forget that day. It was the first time I had seen you in person since we broke up.

We spent the day together in Harrisburg; we went to the bookstore and the coffee shop, walked around the city, and sat on the swings at the park. I asked you about a photo of you and your roommate that looked very couple-like that was on Instagram, and I said, “You know how this looks, right?” You denied and said that it was just because your other roommate didn’t want to be in the photo.

As the sun started to set and I knew I needed to make my journey back home, I felt so strongly in my gut that I didn’t want to leave you. I would rather die than be apart from you again.

I dropped you off at your cousin’s house. We didn’t even hug goodbye. We were both hesitant to leave but knew it’s what we had to do. I started to drive away, and not even 30 seconds down the street I started hysterically crying. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I called a friend to calm me down and he said “You need to tell him, Lydia!” — so I did.

I texted you and told you I was crying. I said how I regretted not hugging you goodbye. You replied almost instantly and said “I regret not kissing you, so there’s that.” I abruptly turned the car around and headed back toward you.

I picked you back up and you kissed me immediately. I hate to say it but my soul left my body with that kiss. I had craved it for so long. I had craved you for so long. We couldn’t stop so we drove to a clearing in the woods. You know the rest. You played Heavenly by Cigarettes After Sex as I drove you back to your cousin’s house.

I started on my 3 hour drive home that night, intoxicated from your kiss and the connection that we built once again. I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw you.

Time went on, and things were good. You said how you wished you could come home to me. We talked about visiting each other again, but you were unsure of the timing because you were trying to start a new job. We were desperate to make it work; well, at least I was.

You started to grow distant. I asked you about it several times. I asked you if there was someone else. You told me you just were afraid of hurting me again. You said there was no one else.

Valentine’s Day rolled around, which is a particularly hard time for me because that is the anniversary of the abortion I had for what would have been our child. The day was already off to a rough start. I had a disgusting gut feeling that something was going to happen that day, but I tried to brush it off.

I happened to look at your roommate’s Instagram story and saw a post of beautiful flowers on the table in your home, captioned “Thank you my love,” with you tagged on the image. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. My worst nightmare had come true.

I asked you about it, you initially denied and said how the two of you talked about needing more plants in the house so you thought buying her those flowers would be a nice gesture. On Valentine’s Day? You always thought I was a fool. I knew you were lying. Sparing the details, you eventually confessed to having been with her for quite some time.

I know that my actions were toxic as a response to trauma, and for that there is no excuse. However, my intentions were never evil or to hurt you. I was lost. I was hurting. I was dealing with the greatest loss I had ever experienced. I was fighting for my life, and my mental illnesses were winning.

I said I wanted to come to San Diego. In the heat of the moment, I did not express the intentions of that statement clearly. I really just wanted to come to talk to you in person and explain everything that I had done, face-to-face, so we could fix it. But, it was interpreted as a threat. Now, I sit here with a 3-year restraining order.

I left out so many details from our story as I find them to be sacred — for you and me only. I have done a lot of terrible things to you, as you have done a lot of terrible things to me. We can’t take back what has already happened. I just wish you wouldn’t have given up.

Time has gone on and I’ve grown so much as a person. I have learned to deal with my mental illnesses more proactively. I’m finally doing things that make me happy. I’m leaving this city I hate to move somewhere I actually want to be. I am living for me now, not for you. I hope you’ve changed for the better, too.

There are so many things that I would go back and relive if I could, as well as go back and change. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t turn you back into a stranger. But, I didn’t know that was our inevitable outcome.

The last time we spoke was March 14th. Don’t worry, I’m not counting or anything.

This is the hardest thing I will ever write. I hope you read it.