#And I also btw don’t need to have a lot of friends to surround myself either to be happy. Don’t

[meejijis]

I can’t do friendships if there’s no communication

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/758348325724585984/princess-here-and-i-have-a-7th-and-8th-house

Not the same person obv but I have moon 7H atmk so I’ll just say my experience

I spend a lot of time thinking about my friends, although it’s hard to tell what the normal amount is bc I can only speak for myself. I’m not someone who comes off as really relationship dependent and I wouldn’t say I’m a doormat or anything like that, but I am quite emotionally invested in my friends/peers. Everything I see reminds me of someone I know and I’m the type to message them about it even if we haven’t spoken in a long time.

Something I have in common with my cap moon 7H bestie is that we spend a LOT of time on Instagram/tumblr/discord/etc talking to people. We used to joke about how she literally didn’t have any hobbies aside texting her friends 😭

If you haven’t already noticed🤪 I also spend a lot of time talking to people online partially because I struggle to do things without guidance. At school I was always that person who would ask their friends for help with homework because I needed to have stuff reexplained to me personally before I understood. As a result, if I’m in a situation where I’m not close with anyone I can have a really hard time. A lot of the time it’s just awkward to not have someone to confide in, but it’s also has been really detrimental to my mental health in the past. Idk if that’s a 7H thing or I’m just a dumbass though😭

Although I will say that we have the ability to have a very varied social group since we are very adaptive to the people around us. Usually not in a massive social group (which I think is more 11H territory) but moreso besties from many different places we’ve picked up along the way. One-on-one relationships are wayyy more important than what the general masses think or other non-social stuff like career ambitions. Kind of like being people oriented without being that society oriented? (Unless there are other 11H placements) I mean society in terms of people your age in your area rather than humanitarian stuff btw

We’re also the type to be really subconsciously influenced by our friends, which I guess applies to everyone to an extent but the idea of “you are who you surround yourself with” does make me think of 7Hers more than anyone else.

I think when they get into relationships (writing this message has made me realise the shear amount of 7H moons I know) they are very devoted even if they’re otherwise a casual non-clingy person. I have a Uttaraashada sun, Purvaashada moon, Ardra asc friend who was always more of a casual independent person who could have sex without getting attached, but now she has a bf, she spends most of her time with him and it’s clear that she’s very caring towards him, even if she doesn’t explicitly say it to us. She even wears a necklace with his initial on it everyday😭 (she’s way out of his league too but that’s a story for another time)

As for 8Hers, I’m not one myself but all the ones I’ve come across are really intense. A lot of them suffer from substance abuse, depression and/or have experienced some weird sexual stuff (I made an ask ageeesss ago talking about my hasta 8H friend who slept with her teacher at 17~18 and was groomed at a young age on a separate occasion- just to name a couple of the things she’s been through). Obv not every 8Her is going to be such an extreme case esp if they don’t have nodal influence, but universally I feel like these people def go through it on some level. Who knows maybe arm guy is hiding some serious lore👀

Omg girlie tysm for sending this ask, it's been very illuminating 😳😳😳😳

I know he's obsessed with his friends 😮‍💨 there's like 10 of them who he grew up with and they're all extremely close and whenever I'm with him, his phone is blowing up with messages from like 20 different group chats 😭 but he's also a complete social butterfly and has like 12 different friend groups 😮‍💨 from completely different areas of life (he has apartment friends, as in, they all live in the same apartment complex and party together??? 😭 granted that he lives in a bougie apartment and this is probably just how moneyed people operate but when I heard it, I was kinda shook, like here's a 24yr old guy hanging out with a bunch of people in their late 20s, 30s and older and just having a good time??) I love how resourceful it makes him because he just always knows who to call and is one of those guys who always knows a guy 👀 but like his schedule is jam packed with people 😩

The worst part is that he's extremely likeable as a person and very popular. No matter the context (like living in an apartment, going to school etc) he's always very well liked by absolutely everyone from teachers to peers. I always thought I was likeable and popular 🤪and then I met him and realised he's on another level 😭😮‍💨

The necklace detail is so cute 🥺🫶🏻

The 8housers ik are also very intense 😵‍💫which is why I feel like I don't know arm guy well enough yet because he's such a laid back chilled out dude with me but I know he carries himself differently with others. I do feel like he's hiding parts of himself 😳 and I know it'll take me a loooong time to fully comprehend what it is 😳 but it doesn't give me fcked up vibes just yet 🏃🏻‍♀️

🤞🏻 hopefully everything will be fine 😭

[aira-writes]

BNHA Boys as Normal College Students

Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!Reader

Genre: one-shot, bnha imagines, college au, fluff, crack, humor, sfw

Warnings: language, suggestive? idk lol

A/n: hey everyone, I promised I’d try to upload a loooooot right? So here it is! Btw this isn’t from my drafts. This will be a series (ig, lol?) and it will feature some of the BNHA boys that I’m fond of. I just finished creating two episodes of this from scratch—in two hours (idek how I managed to do it, but nonetheless, so proud of myself) In addition, I’ll be gradually updating this short series. (here's to hoping I’ll get to finish them *cries* I’m also thinking of having atleast 4-5 episodes with different characters each) This plot’s chaotic, SO CHAOTIC. So read at your own risk. This contains grammatical errors since it is not proofread. Mwah.

Characters are in college

Episode 1: Bakugou Katsuki (The Drummer)

“Come on, y/n! It’s Fridaaaaay!” Ochaco whined as Momo tugged your forearm trying to convince you to come to them at a newly opened bar a few blocks away from school.

“I told you guys that I have to pass.” You smiled sheepishly and guiltily knowing you have been extremely busy for the past week and wasn’t able to go out with your best friends that much. “I have a lot of upcoming exams this week.” You added.

“I know you’re busy and all but we’re just gonna look at the place real-quick!” Momo spoked as she continued tugging at your arm.

“Please, please, pleaseeee, come with us, y/n! Promise we’ll leave after 15 minutes!” Ochaco added.

“I heard there’s a new band performing so we gotta go there, y/n!” Momo tugged some more.

“—WE’LL EVEN TAKE YOU HOME OURSELVES!” they both said in unison.

You stared at Ochaco’s futile attempt at a puppy-eyes and to Momo’s hold on your arm.

And after a few seconds of staring at them back-to-back, you gave up and just groaned. “Okay, fiiiiine.”

The girls squealed and gave each other a knowing look.

You knew that these two won’t take no for an answer and the earlier you get there, the earlier you get to go home.

The three of you arrive at the newly built and opened bar and you’re not gonna deny that the place looks amazing. Since it was opening night, the tables were full but the fact that the three of you were able to go in smoothly and has a table reserved made you question if Momo knew the owner.

Ofcourse she does. Momo has a lot of connections.

The three of you were already seated comfortably in the table—which you realized was one of the front tables so you have the nice view of the stage. Momo ordered drinks and you denied her offer saying you don’t wanna get home wasted. You need to be sober when you get home since you still have a lot of topics to review.

You were busy sipping the cold water you ordered, scanning your surroundings and spotting a few familiar faces, enjoying the ambiance of the place, and vibing to the soft background music—when the lights of the bar blacked out and the music shut off. Only the small night lights attached to the walls, illuminated the place.

Some people let out small-amused gasps in the way that the bar was trying to introduce its performers, since that strategy made everyone focus on the stage.

Then, the spotlight moved right in the center of the stage—but no one was there since the stage were closed by the curtains. But the fact that you can hear a small murmur of sounds—gradually increasing—made you turn towards the stage in curiosity as you watch the curtains open, only to reveal a band you’re not familiar with.

They looked like a new band, one was in the piano, one was using the electric guitar, one has the acoustic guitar, and one was standing in the center with the microphone on—whom you assumed is the vocalist. They seemed like a common type of band, but the way their faces were hidden with a full-faced masks on, intrigued the people inside the bar—including you.

There was a small intro of the electric guitar, then the piano followed, and next the acoustic guitar—before you knew it, the vocalist and her band we’re already playing good music. The band has this certain type of vibe that you like and the fact that their lyrics, their rhythm—plus the vocalists’ amazing voice—got you hooked and bobbing your head to what seems like an original song of theirs.

Momo and Ochaco started screaming in glee as they also vibed to the song. And just before the song reached what it seems like its chorus, the dancefloor of the bar was already packing with grinding bodies. It was a good thing that the stage was moveable—you were surprised as well—and it now stood at a higher level compared to the dance floor so you can still get a nice view of the stage as the band members continued to produce amazing music.

“Come on, y/n! Let’s dance!” Ochaco tugged your arm. She didn’t even have to tell you twice since you already followed her to the dance floor since you liked the band’s songs. Momo followed you two and danced with the crowd.

“It looks like that 15 minutes is up, y/n!” Momo shouted through the loud music.

“I think we’ll have to extend for another 45 minutes.” You grinned and Momo grinned back as you three jumped, shouted, and enjoyed the music.

You three were busy enjoying yourselves when all of a sudden, an unfamiliar guy who looks like he goes to the same school as you, approached you. “Wanna dance?” he asked you with a smirk on. And he didn’t even hide the way he scanned you up and down before stopping on to your face.

“Dude, we’re already dancing.” You snorted and the two bursted into a fit of giggles as you urged Momo and Ochaco to move near the front of the dance floor, leaving the guy.

“You didn’t have to be mean, y/n.” Momo laughed.

“We we’re already dancing. What kind of question is ‘wanna dance’?” You cringed, remembering the guy’s futile attempt to flirt. Ochaco just laughed and playfully smacked your shoulder.

The three of you resumed dancing, the music even louder than before since you three were nearer to the stage now. You liked the next song since it was a bit sultry but there was a playful tinge to it so you just let your body do the moves that you felt were natural to you. 

Momo and Ochaco were right for trying to convince you to come. You definitely needed this break after being stuck at your room for days and never even getting the time to rest or party.

You were busy dancing to the beat of the music when a pair of hands snaked their way behind you and surrounded your waist. “Seems like your waist is missin’ something, babe. They need my hands around ‘em.”

You immediately jerked the hands away. “Wtf, get your hands off me, you perv.” You turned and gave the unfamiliar guy a sharp glare—hating the fact that he touched you—only to see him looked amused.

“I like feisty girls, y’know.” He winked and tried to touch you one more time.

“Fuck off.” You cursed. 

Why can’t some guys take no for an answer?

“Aww, don’t be like that sweethea—” The guy’s voice was interrupted by a sudden loud static sound making almost everyone’s ears hurt and stopped dancing. The band’s music stopped almost stopped right after the static sound.

What the?

The people started murmuring, confused what’s wrong. The stage went back down, so it was now on the same level of the dance floor.

“Touch my girl one more time shit-face, and I’ll blast you to pieces.” The voice boomed and echoed all throughout the bar, making everyone to be even more confused. 

Everyone was scanning the crowd looking for the owner of the voice. You were confused as well.

Why did the music stop?

You looked to where the voice was coming from—only to realize that in the back corner of the stage, right behind the vocalist, is where the drum set was.

How come you never noticed that earlier?

And in it sat the drummer who wore his full-mask on—a mic in his hand—and the blonde spiky hair that was sprouting out of his mask, wasn’t hard to miss.

•❃°•°❀°•°❃•

aira-writes© 2022

Comments, likes, and re-blogs are deeply appreciated! ❤️

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME DON'T STEAL MY WORK.

[licncourt]

As far as engagement with your fics dwindling, I think it’s mainly a result of the ao3 tag naturally being flooded with show verse content and book writers disappearing. There’s also the increasing rhetoric among popular show writers/bloggers that continued art and fic for book Louis and Armand is inherently racist so my guess is no one wants to out themselves as someone who enjoys book fic for fear of being shunned. Which is disappointing but with a large fandom that is mainly centered around a popular show, not surprising (not that there wasn’t gatekeeping preshow but the fandom was significantly smaller). I think most fans of the show think with these new (and improved) incarnations of the characters, there’s no need for their book counterparts. And the belief that people who do still enjoy book Louis and Armand are ignorant and fundamentally don’t understand the vc characters. It sucks because it would’ve been sweet if it could all be enjoyed for the multiverse it’s become since there are fans (like myself) who enjoy both the books and the show but there does seem to be an unspoken rule that you shouldn’t still be interested in producing content for the books. However, I’ve always been a huge fan of your works (and meta/thoughts!!) and the quality of your writing and grasp on the characters is still just as compelling as ever so I selfishly hope you continue writing 🫶 I promise I’ll make an effort to drop comments! lol

Well first of all thank you!! I just want to reiterate that the point of my original post was never to fish for comments or anything, I was just curious about why the engagement was happening on here suddenly vs ao3, but I always appreciate comments, kudos, reblogs, etc, it makes me so happy to know people like my writing because I really love doing it. I have plenty more stuff planned just because I love writing fic and I love the characters, so no worries there!

That also makes a lot of sense actually as far as people wanting to send me anons instead of comment. That's a crazy take though, like the books are forty years old you can't expect them to suddenly not have fans because of a new adaptation...? And I think it's a wild take to say that the original books/fans of them don't understand the characters?? Tumblr discourse is on another level always.

Liking the show better is absolutely fine, everyone can have their own preferences in media, but I don't believe for one second that the show is "less problematic" than the books. They just found a different way to be insensitive and offensive 😭 I think Anne Rice IP is just destined to be a morally bankrupt trainwreck and we all have to accept that. No one has moral high ground here really. And in a way it really feels like people coming into OUR house and saying we suck and aren't welcome.

This might be a selfish way of looking at it too, but I didn't get called literal slurs for months because I was defending the show and diverse casting for people to act like I have a problem with black Louis or brown Armand. Myself and friends of mine were harassed (including racially and sexually) for speaking positively about the casting decisions from day one, before most of these people knew the show or IWTV existed. My issues with it only started after episode 5 and that will always be my reason for jumping ship on the show.

I really wish things could have been different too, I was hoping the show would bring new people into the fold and just generally expand the VC multiverse like the movie did except with a new take on the story, but of course everything has to degenerate into a slap fight on the internet.

**There are absolutely people who don't like the show because they're racist shitheads and that is absolutely not a valid opinion to have btw. Just a blog reminder that I will absolutely never support or tolerate racism surrounding the show/the casting/the actors. It could have been a really great thing, unfortunately I just deeply disagree with how it was handled.**

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

This is a little bit of a vent so if that’s not ok please just ignore :) tw for mentions of dieting, irrational food fears, and restricted eating

I have suspected BGE, which is inflammation of the brain. (Don’t worry, I’m pursuing diagnosis & have professional help) Earlier this year I went into a huge flare & developed some really awful restricted eating patterns because I was so unwell mentally. BGE causes a lot of irrational fears & a lot of mine center around food; I was afraid to eat and sometimes my brain wouldn’t “allow” me to eat for hours at a time. I’m now on medication that is helping me recover from the flare, and I’m fighting really really hard to recover from the eating disorder. But I’m really frustrated, because my family and friends keep telling me that I should go on a special diet to reduce the inflammation in my body. Logically I know that diet does play a big role in your physical health, and I agree that if I could maintain a healthy diet, it would help my symptoms, including my irrational fears surrounding food. But ironically, one of my symptoms is an eating disorder! And forcing myself to make a huge change in my diet when I’m already struggling to eat in general, doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve explained to them that I’m struggling to eat and that my focus right now is to eat enough food to keep me well, but some of them just keep telling me that I should diet. It’s really frustrating to me and I feel like they aren’t appreciating any of the progress I’ve made. I used to cry every time I ate because it was so hard, and now I eat three meals a day plus snacks and it’s not always the healthiest food, but it’s food and that’s what matters to me. So idk I just wanted to express some frustration about that, hope that’s ok. I love your blog btw!

Hi there. I say this a lot, but I'm sorry it took me so much time to get to this. I hope you've managed to get some answers. I know what hell it can be to have a mystery chronic illness. I also know what hell it can be when you have an illness that exacerbates your eating disorder.

It sounds like your family and friends have some pretty serious boundary issues. I think that, whether or not you have pulled further out of your flare, you need to work on developing some boundary statements to use with these people. These might help them understand more of the risk they cause you when they try to push you toward dieting, but maybe they won't help with that - the point of boundary statements is more to help people understand the consequences of ignoring your personal boundaries.

Perhaps you could consult the professionals you're working with and see if they can help you construct some easy-to-remember boundary phrases you can have handy!

So you could try to start with "You might think it's a good idea to give advice that my medical professionals have deemed dangerous, but I'd request that you didn't."

"I have inflammation in my brain and it's affecting the part that creates fear. Your advice creates more fear and is unhelpful."

"When I want advice, I'll ask my medical team."

But the thing is, it sounds like these people have consistently broken your boundaries before. So what consequences can you enforce in order to remove their access to you when they do this, thus removing their ability to violate your boundaries?

"Dieting and even diet talk is a threat to my condition according to my doctors. If you continue to put my health at risk I am going to stop talking to you."

"If you continue to put me at risk medically I am going to have to spend less time with you."

"I can see that you're trying to help, but you're not listening to me when I say this is unhelpful. I'm going to cut this conversation short now."

Remember, the goal isn't to prevent them from feeling frustration, it's to prevent them from having sufficient access to you to do further harm if they simply cannot understand why their behavior is harmful in the first place. This unfortunately may be an isolating process. Chronic illness will teach you all kinds of painful truths about who actually has what it takes to provide the kind of empathetic, ongoing, unglamorous support that a chronically ill person needs. Best of luck in taking care of yourself and in getting well.

[bluesmason]

haaaappy birthday gorgeous, i love this blog so much and i have followed you for so long that it truly feels like you’re my friend. i’ve spent the entire day thinking about you and how special i hope your day has been going!! i really need you to know that i care about you and i always catch myself wondering how you’ve been doing, in the hopes that you’re ok. and if you ever don’t feel that way, just know i’m here for you as are a bunch of other people who care about you just as much. i also hope you are surrounded by and feel the amount of love everyone has for you - you’re so easy to like and to get along with. i feel like we have so much in common, our sense of humor, the things/people we like and look up to, the way we think and see the world. at least that’s what i feel like anyway. and that’s so special to me! you’re truly one of a kind. thank you for being here and for sharing a bit of your life/time with us, i always look up to seeing whatever it is you’re posting/talking about, and i have you’re notifications on as well so i always get excited when your @ comes up on my phone 🫡 thank you so much for everything sarah, you’re an angel and i feel like you don’t even know how much you mean to me (and i’m sure you also mean a lot to everyone who follows you and looks out for you). enjoy the rest of your day, loooooove u!! you’re the most beautiful ever btw i loved every single one of those pictures 😭🤍 i’m also sending mase your way btw so don’t worry as he’ll be with you very very soon 👀 he better give you everything you want

you know what this just made me tear up pls just the way you took the time to write all this and everything you said means so much to me omg 🥺 thank you for being so so nice and supporting my blog and caring about me and for the birthday wishes. ilysm and i need to know whoooo you are immediately so can message you and btw what you said in your other anon, yes pls let’s do a drink date right NOW it’d be sm fun! <3 also mase did arrive he’s with me rn about to give me everything i want hehe thanks love!

[burningdarkfire]

in honour of the last day before daylight savings here are all the things i’ve had/been having a meltdown about over the past two weeks

i had my year-end review at work recently and got a lot of very positive feedback and have the support from my manager/company to do a certification that allows me to eventually get promoted and/or just opens more doors for me in my career moving forward. this is great except that i don’t want to do this for the rest of my life and the idea of being here in this company in five years makes me want to die but i also literally cannot conceptualize anything better. i just don’t want to work. i’m trying to realize that i’m just burnt out because we’ve been a person short in the department for five months so i don’t need to do anything crazy and once we hire another person + one more girl comes back from mat leave we are going to be so fully staffed and i won’t feel anywhere near as bad. i should not randomly quit my very stable corporate job

i have been Gendered Male a lot more often while going out and i’ve more or less told my entire social circles at this point that i use they/them pronouns and while most people have been cool about it i think i’m realizing that a) i actually don’t really like the non-binary label because i don’t like how other people use it even if i don’t mind it for myself and b) i feel like i’m losing some connection to femininity that i’ve had my entire life even if i’ve never sat at peace with it and it is bothering me in a weird way to feel like i don’t really pass as a woman anymore (this doesn’t really make sense but it’s as close as i’m going to get for the moment) because i am never going to be a man either and i have spent my entire life as diaspora and i just don’t. want. another thing where it feels like i am never going to have a home and never belong anywhere. this isn’t directly related but also c) i met another queer person recently who so obviously gave me attitude for not being “out” to my parents when it’s just like i have never in my life cared about these stupid labels i just want other people to see me as a person. and my parents do see me as a person. why do i have to talk to them with these english terms and western ideas for it to count. they’ve never said a single bad thing about the way i dress or behave and i know they love me. god. it’s like d) i’ve talked to another one of my queer friends about this a LOT and this feeling that i don’t belong in queer spaces because i have never felt ashamed about being queer has been so strong lately because like i just don’t care. i just don’t fucking care about what other people seem to care about. you know what i have been made ashamed of? the fact that i’m chinese. the fact that i was raised a girl. those things closed so many more doors to me than being queer ever has. part of me misses being in university so fucking much when just without even thinking about it i was always surrounded by other queer asian ppl

i circle around to this all the fucking time but i had a dream recently about my ex that just made it really bad where i feel like i get gaslit by other people that maybe i don’t actually enjoy being alone so much and i’m just lying to myself that i’m not lonely. but like oh my god. i just want to be alone so much. i feel like so many people are so desperate for the kind of social life that i have and i’m fucking drowning in it. and then i spend so much time feeling like there’s something wrong with me because i just don’t want more love. semi-relatedly i am also just extremely not afraid of death like i’m not scared of dying and i’m not anxious about my loved ones dying and it seriously makes me feel like a fucking monster. what kind of human doesn’t care about love or death. this is literally Peak November train of thought for me btw i knoooow that i worry about this every year like clockwork and i will no longer give a shit about this when it’s sunny outside again. who cares. i love spending time by myself so much i am my favourite person because i made me

also this literally doesn’t matter but it’s also been bothering me lol so while i’m at it. my duo and i didn’t make gold (for me) before he started school again and i know in my heart of hearts i so profoundly Do Not Want to play soloqueue this year which means this is going to be first year since playing this stupid game that i’m not at least gold and it’s literally so okay because i am a 27 year old adult with a full time job who doesn’t need to be gold in league of legends but like it wounds me

anyway i can’t wait for everything to feel even worse for two months before it gets marginally better i love the fact that seasonal depression is completely widely acknowledged as a real thing by the adult world and yet we just don’t do anything about it besides grin and bear it lmao

[iwannaban0nym0us]

ok so this afternoon’s been a shitshow so this is probably gonna be a really long and emotional vent post

ok, before i get into everything from today i need to do a bit of a recap of the last like 3 weeks. So lately there has been a lot of school work to stay on top of, which i’ve managed but it took like all of my energy so i put most of my focus into that, actually before i go any further into that we need to back up to like last spring

so last spring there was something going on with a friend of mine and my grayfriend’s, and my grayfriend is closer to this person so them a bunch of mutual friends and my metamour (my grayfriend’s other partner who i’m just friends with) were all in on this thing (which i still don’t know what is btw) and so for like at least a week i put up with being surrounded by whispers about something i wasn’t allowed to know anything about at some point i snapped and (kindly) asked my partner for some space so that i wouldn’t be surrounded by all that anymore, they didn’t react very well to this and their response was basically ‘ok, but what about me needing you to support me while i process our friend’s shit’ so yeah that's when all our problems started to surface

so maybe a day after that conversation they got covid, so i didn’t see them, and because they had covid they didn’t go on the school trip the following week, then the next 2 weeks were musical tech week (which takes like all of their energy and mental space) + my metamour was dealing with some shit that they were helping with, after all of that was over it was summer break and our schedules did not line up at all so we basically didn’t see each other dueing that

now at the start of the school year it’s been like 3 months since this issue and we have not talked about it so we go into this school year basically pretending nothing happened and kinda trying to resume our relationship where we paused it

from then until the past 3 weeks there wasn’t really anything big just a couple of little instances of them just not understanding me and how i feel about my transitions or how soccer affects my life

alright now back to the past 3 weeks, one of the big school things that kept me very focused on school is this bio lab, and ofc my grayfriend is in my bio class and they don’t really have any friends in the class (while I do) and so ofc they kinda pressure me into being their partner for the lab ( i mean i agreed fairly quickly but still) we’ll come back to this later.

anyway lately my grayfriend has had a lot going on, there was this online bullying incident between them and another kid at our school that happened at the end of last year and still hasn’t gotten resolved (i feel like there’s another piece of bad news about this every week), their dog’s health just keeps deteriorating and there's often something going on with my metamour and on top of all of that their grandfather is dying, basically he needs a surgery that could kill him or he will die, and with all of the (especially the grandfather thing) i just can’t add on

now the past couple of weeks all the little things and everything from last year have been bothering me so i’ve been semi-intentionally distancing myself from them, partly because i need space and partly because their reaction to being overwhelmed is needing to have as little stimulation as possible and mine is needing to be surrounded by my very loud and energetic friends so that their energy rubs off on me

now my friends keep telling me i need to talk to my grayfriend and honestly i agree that we need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how to fix our relationship, but i didn’t start to realize that until the bio lab started. here is where the bio partnership starts to become a problem for the whole lab (which we turned in today) i haven’t been able to tell them any of this shit because school comes first and i knew that if i fucked up our relationship during this lab it would also fuck up how we worked together, we ended up working perfectly well together on the lab but in exchange for that i boxed up all my feelings and set them nicely to the side and tried to ignore them as they struggled to get out of the box

originally my plan was to tell them everything either today or next week but that plan went out the window now that they’re dealing with their grandfather being on the brink of death because i just can’t add onto that that’s hard enough as is

so today everything kinda hit, the morning was chill normal whatever, but once i hit lunch things started to fall apart, at lunch once i finished eating i put my headphones in turned on some music and sat down to do a last read over of our bio lap report because they weren’t able to finish their part until late last night and i was tired as fuck and wasn’t gonna stay up to read it. i was starting to feel kinda out of it then so i decided to keep my headphones in and my music playing (which i almost never do at school) and see if that helped to keep me centered. I manged to make it through the rest of the afternoon by passing off my falling apart as being really tired (i kinda believed it myself honestly) thinking back on it now the worst part of those afternoon classes was the fact that i had my headphones in (which i never do) and was acting kinda out of it and kinda out of character during bio and my grayfriend either had no fucking clue or didn’t give a shit, i really fucking hope it was the former.

After school i went to a club with some of friends and that was chill but i had to leave a bit early to go to tutoring which was fine, we pretty much just ran over feedback on a couple of assignments that i turned in recently

after that i went to find my friends to hang out with for a bit and i found 2 of my friends, one i’m close with and who knows about all of this shit, and one who’s just a random friend, they were sitting on the floor eating cheese and bread. my close friend told me to sit down and join them, so i did. we pretty quickly started to talk about the shit with my grayfriend and i filled them in on the fact that lab partners will be assigned by the teacher for the next lab and that we can submit people we do/don’t want to work with, then we talked more about that shit while be interrupted ever so often by our other friend being comic relief and doing funny shit (unintentionally). at some point during this conversation one of my best friends, who also happens to be my grayfriend’s ex and is very informed on all the shit going on, came over and joined us and we filled them in on the conversation so far. eventually the conversation got back around to bio lab partners and i remembered that i should fill out the thing about that, but then i decided that it would be easier just to have an irl conversation with my bio teacher. so ofc i ran up to the third floor to see if she was at her desk, ofc she wasn’t, so i went back to my friends to chill with them until coffee house started

so for context coffee house is this thing my school host in the courtyard twice a year that’s like a chill night of music and poems and it’s really calm and mellow and a couple of my friends preformed in it and another friend read a poem during it

as it was getting close to the start time we went out into the courtyard to get some seats and some snacks and in the back of the snack line i find none other than my bio teacher, so i pull her aside and ask her to please not pair me up with my grayfriend and to please not tell them i said that she reassures me that she won’t and that that wasn’t gonna be an option anyway since shes not going to keep any of the pairs from the last lab, which is a huge relief because it means bio won’t be my excuse/road block from talking with them anymore and i won’t have to make the decision of if i should prioritize our relationship or a bio lab.

so we sit down for the music and it’s great and all at first, but at this point i’m already barely holding it together, and i’ve already hit the point where my (very strong and constantly held) facade has broken down enough that my friends can easily visually tell something is up, the reason my facade breaks at this point is because up until this point i was using school as a coping mechanism because it gives me something to focus on and i always have the next assignment to plan out the next thing to work though in my head the thing to keep my wheels turning in a productive way, but starting tomorrow i have a 6 day weekend (including sat & sun) so i have plenty of time for my hw so that constant process of planing ahead just kinda shut down

now the music is great and i’m enjoying it and the preformers are great and it’s all going well until we hit about the fourth love song in a row and at this point i start to break, my brain is turning on the shit between me and grayfriend and i can’t get it to shut-up at some point i (a person who does not cry around people) start to cry and i just cant stop it so i just put my head down and hope the people who i don’t know as well don’t notice what’s going on. after the end of that song i consider going inside but then i see my friends stepping onto the stage so i wipe my eyes and pretend everything is fine

i make it through another 4-5 love songs before the feeling comes back again and that time i’m fucking done and i get up and go inside through a side door once i’m inside i pretty quickly wipe aside the tears and regain some semblance of composure so i wander down the hallway and see that the door to the shop is open and it sounds like someone is in there, so i peak my head in and find that the shop manager is in there machining something and since i need a distraction and i’m a shop kid and i know him pretty well i ask him what he’s up to and, as one does, he tells me that his friend who’s a laser physicist needs some super parallel things so he’s making them for him. we talk a little more after that about the performances and then i wander off and end up going back outside pretty quickly.

after that i manage to make it till the intermission when i get a chance to talk to my friends again. i’m barely holding it together at this point so i fairly quickly agree that setting up a meeting with the school counselor (who my best friend knows well) is a good idea. so we go to look for the counselor and my best friend drags me up to her and she tells me that she’s not working rn and that i should send her an email to set up a meeting for next week. so we head back inside. i barely have time to open my laptop before i see my friend get up stage and hear them start a poem so we rush back outside and sit back down.

I am able to make it through almost half of this half of the performances before i start to shut to shut down again and i feel the tears start to come and i just cant stop them so i tap my close friend on the leg and i rush inside again. and i just like collapse against the wall and let the tears come

at this point i’m having a full on fucking break down all the thoughts, like do i want to break up with them, when was the last time we kissed, why do i care about them so much, they all just fucking go out the window and my brain goes empty no thoughts just tears.

not to much later my close friend comes in joins me and there just kinda there for me and let me cry and talk me through shit a little, at some point i recover enough and we walk over to my laptop and sit down and actually write the email to the counselor (which i had forgotten about at this point) so hopefully thurs/fri next week i will be able to meet with her

after a bit they realize they’re thirsty but don’t want to go back outside to get their waterbottle and at this point i’m doing ok enough that i offer to go out and get it for them, so while i’m doing that i say hi to my best friend and quickly whisper to them that i’m not staying outside and that had a break down and then i go back inside

then me and my close friend wander over to a quieter place and continue our conversation until a bit later my best friend joins us and they ask our mutual close friend to tell them how i’m actually doing. and after that they suggest that i should make playlist for when i feel like this and mention that they already have one for this exact situation that’s on their spotifiy so then we go trade spotifies and we talk a bit more about how i’m doing and both of my friends tell me that they will actually respond if i text them (they’re both bad at responding to messages) and then i have to leave and go home

so yeah, rn it’s after midnight and i’m sitting on my bed in the dark wishing i could cry again and listening to my best friend’s playlist from when they were going through their awful break up with my grayfriend and it’s so painfully funny how they’re helping me through almost same thing they went through like 2 years ago

[ciaran-archive]

Sorry to pry but can you elaborate on the authenticity post and what you don’t like about Ender’s Game? I don’t mean this in an accusatory way btw I genuinely wanna hear you complain about it.

WHY YES I WOULD LOVE TO BITCH ABOUT ENDER'S GAME

my fatal flaw as a person is that i cannot stop thinking about ender's game . like this book lives in my head in a way that far better books i've read just don't and i think that's partly because it did so much to me.

i read it when i was, 13, i think? like. i was just kind of figuring out that i was queer, i was weirdly uncomfortably obsessed with m/m relationships, even the vaguest implication of lesbianism made me feel sick and awful, i was pretty depressed, i had very few friends, and i wasn't....in a good place at all.

and i read ender's game and it kind of maybe saved my life? it showed me that being alone and being lonely weren't inherently a death sentence. it allowed me something i still don't have a name for. ender and valentine and peter felt like facets of a reality i nearly had, and in their reflection i could be something more like myself. who knows where i would have been but for ender's game!

it also fucked me up so bad.

one of the core messages of ender's game - and of a lot of OSC's other work - is that you cannot be truly Original, and you can't Create Anything Worth Creating, if you derive from the work of others. to make something Really Great you must isolate all your creativity and not allow anything else to influence it or it will be tainted and suspect forever. like not in those words but in that essence, that was clearly one of the subtexts of the book.

the other core message is "it is necessary for adults to hurt children; it is irresponsibly stupid as a child, especially a clever child, to trust that adults will ever not hurt you" and combined with the valorized loneliness of the first message it kind of.......still messes me up? and one of the reasons it fucked me up was because i was so bad at adhering to its lessons.

and that's my problem with ender's game at the end of the day: it's like drinking nuclear waste water when you're dying of thirst. like yeah it'll save your life but it'll also teach you how to justify doing the worst things possible (to yourself and others) and i was damned lucky that fiction was my first outlet for those urges and justifications because good god i don't like thinking about what it would've been like directed at myself without any barriers! and it was pretty bad even so!

OSC is also wildly unreasonably and rabidly homophobic so there's, uh, that. To Deal With.

the thing about authenticity is that it doesn't really exist. there's no true self, only selves less articulated or entirely unacknowledged for whatever reasons. sometimes those selves aren't given form because they have nothing to do with us. but we exist in a constant state of becoming; we are built in relation to our surroundings, and we can never strive to be free of influence. isolation is its own form of torture.

there are no authentic cultures either, only arbitrary markers we place in our pasts to delineate the "real" from the "influences" like every culture isn't a snapshot of its moment in time. things are always changing and turning into something new. they rarely become more "themselves" because the idea that you can strip away everything an outsider gave you and still end up with something either real or worth having is....kind of sad, really? do you want to know the person you are without everyone you've ever loved?

it's one thing to talk about capitalism and the commodification of the self and cults of personality and another to act like the very act of articulating your identity in a series of labels/aesthetics/shiny online things inherently corrupts your "soul". this process exists offline also; we are always building ourself to be approved of or disapproved of or reacted to or ignored by the people around us.

but people get really bogged down in the idea of authenticity and the specter of a real self that can be accessed by jumping through various hoops (go offline! go on instagram! make a succulent garden! get a tiktok! buy this thing!). and then they start acting superior because they don't need the internet to feel like their "real self" - as a friend said, sounds like they have a surprising amount of ability to be their real self with parents and bosses and cops - like i'm sorry! some of us are queer and trans and autistic and can't access an offline social group! and even if i did i would prefer to be online a lot of the time: the internet is full of spaces where i'm safe and in control, and that's just harder irl. and my experiences aren't any less valuable than those of someone with different ones.

...anyway, that's on authenticity.

[pupperofdarkness]

Top 5 Ladies of Berserk ?

yoooo i’m here for questions like this. Gotta warn you though, I’m not the very good at going into depth about these things, but I’mma try

5. Slan 

Honestly she’s terrible, but we stan lol. But seriously, I find her absolutely fascinating and I really wish we could have learned who she was before she ascended, what actually made her activate her Crimson Behelit, and who did she sacrifice. Really I think I’m just fascinated by the mystery surrounding her.

4. Schierke

Such a wonderful lil bean :’). I’ve always adored child characters who are wise beyond their years and Schierke is definitely one of my favorites. I mean, we’re talking about a 12-13 year old girl who ADULTS look to for assistance when it comes to learning magic or staying sane, here. That to me speaks volumes of her strength. What I love most about her, though, is her dynamic with Guts. It’s so sweet how, aside from Casca, she’s the only other person he’s ever been completely open with and the fact that he trusts and believes in her so much is just so amazing to me. Plus her and Isidro’s antics never cease to make me laugh.

3. Luca 

She’s just a ray of sunshine in such a dark setting ☺️. I admire that despite living in such a bleak world and being in a hellish situation, she still remains, kind, selfless, and brave. And the unconditional, motherly love she has for her girls is just so heartwarming. I’ll be honest, I was pretty bummed when she didn’t join Guts’ party, but she had to look out for her girls so I get it.

2. Farnese

Ngl she got on my nerves at first, but I also found myself intrigued by her and the more I read, the more I ended up empathizing with her and liking her. 

For all intents and purposes, she should have become a terrible person, hell she almost did. Though I will say that’s pretty understandable, given how she was raised. Growing up neglected, sheltered and lonely can be really damaging to a person’s psyche. And the fact that she only got positive attention by hurting others did NOT help her mental instability. But when she joined Guts’ party, became Casca’s caretaker, and became Schierke’s student, I saw a side of her that I never would have expected to see in a character like her. It turns out her sadism hid kindness and compassion and selflessness. She just needed an opportunity to let that side of her shine through. I especially love her relationship with Casca and how she went from being a protector to a close female friend for Casca to rely on (which is something Casca really needs atm).

Also, I thought it was cool how Miura wrote Farnese using her penchant for bondage and sadomasochism to do good after her characterization (i.e. the thorn snakes). She’s actually the first instance I’ve seen of BDSM being portrayed in a positive way with a story like this, so that was pretty refreshing.

1. Casca

Words just cannot express how much I love this woman. But I’ll do my best.

Everything about her is just so amazing and she’s probably one of the STRONGEST female characters I know. I mean, this girl kept the Band of the Hawk together and lead them for a whole ass YEAR in Griffith’s place and when the Eclipse went down, she maintained a level head and managed to calm everyone down before everything went to shit. That honestly says a lot about her strength and leadership prowess.

That’s not to say that she always has it together. She can be hot-tempered at times but even then, she still has good judgement. She’s also emotional, and tends to cry a lot, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Actually, the fact that she wears her heart on her sleeve is just another thing that I admire about her. Her vulnerability only ADDS to her strength and imo makes her that much more relatable, because it underlines that while she is a gifted sword fighter, soldier, and commander, she’s still a human not a machine or weapon. And Casca realizing this, learning to find value within herself and learning to consider what SHE wants out of life rather than letting her value be dictated by her usefulness to someone else is something I love so much about her. And you probably have seen this a lot across tumblr, but I love, love, LOVE that she’s a WOC. I mean, how many instances are there of a leading lady in a dark medieval fantasy being POC, especially during the ‘90s?

My only complaint about her was that it took so long for her to come back to us. I don’t mind that Miura decided to have her dissociate after the Eclipse (in a few ways it makes sense given all that she witnessed and what she had to endure at the hands of Griffith and the apostles), but I wish it didn’t take 20 irl years for her to regain her sanity. Tbh, I think it would have been better if she began to gradually come back to herself or learned to cope with her trauma over the course of her and Guts’ journey, but it is what it is, and I’m just glad she’s back.

I just love her sooo much, holy shit 😩.

(btw, sorry it took so long for me to answer, I’m not used to people asking me stuff like this and I wanted to answer it the best that I could)

[deanandthephantoms]

We're a Perfect Harmony PT.6 - Reader x Charlie

Summary: Another camp came and went, what happens now that Charlie and Y/N are living a whole lot closer to each other? will anything happen at all? I guess you're gonna have to read to find out ;) A/N: I feel like i should start off by apologizing for making you guys wait so long.. life just got crazy busy, so sorry! I would also like to thank @i-thought-i-knew-what-love-was and @julie-thefatones for helping me out with this chapter. <3 Wordcount: 4120 Other Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3/ 4 / 5 Taglist: @happinessinthedarkesttimes , @xsunsetcurve , @ifilwtmfc , @nani-2305 , @wanniiieeee (just message me if you want to be added to the list haha)

So much for your happy ending..

When the bus comes to a halt Charlie is the first one to wake up. “Nugget?” he says almost whispering and I wake up to him softly shaking me. As soon as I open my eyes the realization hits that I’m all cuddled up to him in a bus filled with camp people.. Ohhh this is BAD I think to myself while instantly sitting up straight. “Morning sleepyhead.. this is my stop..” he tells me with a smile that doesn’t fully reach his eyes. “oh.. oh right!” I get up so Charlie can get out of our seats. Before he gets of the bus he wraps me in his arms in a tight hug. “I’m gonna miss you y/n..” “I’m gonna miss you too chewie.” I mumble into his chest and he lets out a laugh. “never really gonna get used to that name I think.” He then lets go of me and continues: “But we're gonna meet up again soon right?” I smile up at him “ Yeah I’d really like that.” We give each other one last hug and then I watch him get off the bus. The second he gets off is the second I start missing him but at least, I now know I wouldn't have to miss him for an entire year.

Only 40 minutes later I find myself at home too, the silence being just as overwhelming as it was last year. The story I get to tell my mom being even better than last year, she can’t help but notice the fact that the stories surrounding Charlie make me smile just that bit bigger. “You really like this guy don’t you?” She at one point interrupts me. I raise an eyebrow at her “Don’t get your hopes up mom, we’re just friends. But you’re right he is very important to me.” She smiles at that answer “If you say so honey.” I roll my eyes at her “I’m serious mom! He has a girlfriend so me and him are just friends.” “Well you know what they say honey. Everything can be broken.” I look at her in genuine shock, did she really just say that? “MOOOM!” she just laughs at me “I’m not saying you should break them up. I’m just saying that the fact he has a girlfriend now doesn’t mean he’ll have that girlfriend for the rest of his life…” I’m still not fully believing my mom is actually saying all of this.. “Oooookay… I think this is my cue to go upstairs and lie down for a bit..” I say while getting up from the couch and making my way upstairs.

I lie down on my bed but before I let myself drift off to sleep I decide to check in on Charlie. “Hey you! How are you holding up? If you ever need me I’m here okay? 😊” I almost instantly get a reaction “Not even passed out as soon as you got home? I’m impressed nugget! Thanks for checking on me though. I’m fine!” i sigh, I’m fine? I hated that I couldn’t see his face right now, his face would have told me if he was actually fine or not. Now I was gonna have to trust him on his word and i'm not sure that i could.. i had no other choice though so i reply : “I mean.. I had a pretty good sleep on the drive home, so you know.. didn’t feel the need to pass out right away! Glad to hear you’re doing okay!” “Yeah I noticed, thanks for drooling all over my shoulder btw 😉!” I felt my eyes grow wide, drooling over his shoulder? I didn’t actually do that right? I don’t think I noticed a wet spot on his shoulder when hugging him goodbye.. “I DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO THAT DID I?” “Haahahhaha, Calm down. You didn’t I’m just messing with ya!” I swear I could hear his laugh in my head when I read that. I knew he liked to mess with me and I kept falling for it.. was I ever gonna learn? Did I even want to learn? If I was being honest I actually kinda liked it when he was messing with me? For some reason I actually thought it was funny instead of annoying.. I had to give it to him this boy really could get away with anything.

After camp Charlie and I soon fell back into our routine of texting all day and Face timing all night until eventually one of us (usually me) would pass out. Weeks passed just like that and all things considered Charlie seemed to be doing okay. He definitely had his down moments and even though he wouldn’t always tell me he was feeling down, I got quite good at noticing when something wasn’t right. Which then led to him being honest with me and in the end thanking me for always listening to him. At this point in time he was actually feeling good about living with his grandma, he of course missed his dad terribly much but had admitted that it was really nice to not live in constant tension anymore. The peace that came with it had been more welcome than he had imagined. And apparently charlie’s mom enjoyed being closer to her own mom too cause they were now looking for their own place around here. Looks like Charlie is here to stay for a while not that we had met up yet like we said we would.. but this was gonna give me the opportunity do so many many times. maybe I should just ask him to hang out sometime? But what if he doesn’t want to? I don’t wanna seem weird or needy? My overthinking is stopped by the buzzing of my phone.

I’m surprised to see Emma’s name on the screen. Emma? I hadn’t spoken to her since the moment she left camp I wonder what she wants? I think to myself as I open her text “Hey Y/N! How are you doing?” Oh so she’s just checking in with me? That’s nice! “Hey Emma! I’m doing pretty good actually, how are you? 😊” “Glad to hear that! I’m not doing to well actually..” “ohh..what’s up ems?” There’s a few minutes of being left on read before I get an answer “I’m thinking about breaking up with Charlie..” That is the last thing I expected her to say and I just sit there in shock for a moment not sure of what to say to her. Should I try and stop her? Save Charlie from heartbreak? Should I encourage her? Should I tell Charlie about this? “Em.. Are you sure about this? What is making you think about doing this?” “Well.. I kind of haven’t been in love with him for about 6 months now… but I he means so much to me I don’t want to lose him.. so I’m thinking of asking him to take a break so I can figure my own feelings out.” 6 MONTHS? SHE HAS NOT LOVED HIM FOR 6 MONTHS? No wonder she was so chill with me and Charlie hanging out at camp.. SHE DIDN’T FREAKING CARE ANYMORE. I feel myself getting mad.. how could she do this to him?! I wanted to yell at her I wanted to call Charlie now and tell him what was going on. But that was not my place.. so I take a deep breath and try to reply as calmly as I can “Ooh..jeesh Emma this is not good… this is not fair to him. you got to talk to him about this he deserves to know the truth..” “No I know y/n.. I’ll talk to him.. Thanks for your advice.. I’ll keep you up to date!” My advice?! All I did was telling her to talk to Charlie about this, she couldn’t have come up with that herself?! Why did she even include me in this? It’s not gonna take long before Charlie starts talking about this to me.. and I’m not even gonna be able to say anything.. I hated it.

I can barely finish that thought before I see Charlies name pop up on my screen and I instantly open his message “Nugget.. help? Emma wants to talk to me.. this can’t be good right?” No Charlie, you're right it is far from good, she's gonna straight up break your heart. is what I wanted to say so desperately but couldn’t.. “Oh eh I don’t know? it could be about anything right? Did she say anything about what or when?” “yeah I guess.. she didn’t say anything about the topic but she wanted to do it later this week. But something is up i cant tell.. so I told her I needed her to talk to me tonight and she eventually agreed..” SHE WAS GONNA MAKE HIM WAIT AS WELL? THIS GIRL… “good that you told her she needed to talk to you today. Whatever it is it’s better to get it out of the way right?.. Keep me up to date okay Chewie?” “Yeah I will.” “Good luck!*hug*”

Poor dude.. he had no clue what was coming for him.. the rest of the day I feel restless, I feel like a horrible person for keeping something so big from Charlie and I can’t help but try to imagine what he must be feeling right now. The silence from his side is way too long and way too loud to my liking.. I'm literally about to fall asleep when my phone buzzes and I see it’s a text from Charlie my heartbeat instantly quickens.. “hey.. you still awake?” “Yeah of course I am Charlie.. You okay?” typing dots appear and they disappear again. That happens a few times and I’m starting to get worried.. “No.. No I’m not. I broke up with her.” That catches me of guard.. He broke up with her? What happened there? “You what? What happened?” “ Well long story short, she basically told me she hadn’t really been in love with me anymore for the past six months, so she asked me to have a little break so she could figure out her feelings? I’m not gonna sit here and wait for her to maybe fall back in love with me y/n. if she was gonna love me again that would have happened already, so I had to end things with her.” before i can say something charlie adds "I'm so mad and heartbroken at the same time.. you know what she meant to me and then she does this.." I wanted nothing more than to wrap him into a hug right now but I couldn’t.. so I did the next best thing I could come up with “ I’m so sorry Charlie, this is not what you deserved at all.. I don’t even really know what to say right now.. I just want to give you a big hug. Do you maybe want to meet up tomorrow? Hang out? Talk about things or distract yourself for a while? If not that’s totally fine too!” All of my doubts form before were out of the window all I knew was that Charlie now needed a friend and I was ready to be that friend if he wanted me to. “I would love that Nugget. I could use a hug from you right now.” “Well hold that thought. Tomorrow I’ll give you all the hugs you need.” Charlie and I text a bit more and then decide on meeting up in a park that’s , by bus, only 15 minutes away from both of our houses.

The next day I wake up bright and early, I can’t help but feel a bit nervous about meeting Charlie today. We’ve had spend plenty of time together on camp and it had been just the two of us plenty of times then. But now outside of camp and in those circumstances of him being heartbroken but also single for the first time.. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I just knew I was gonna be a friend to him, setting all my own feelings aside and focusing on his. Making sure he was okay cause after all that’s all I really cared about. I’m about to get out of my bed when my phone buzzes it’s a message from Charlie saying that he can’t wait to hug me in a few hours. I tell him I can’t wait to give him all the hugs either and then decide on taking a shower.

Even though he has literally seen me at worst, in my grossest clothing and even though I know he wouldn’t care what I showed up in I decide on making an effort. Curling my hair, putting on the tiniest bit of make-up, wearing my new Linkin park shirt with a cute flannel on top.. it may not sound like much but for someone who usually doesn’t put in any effort this was quite something, maybe deep down I hoped he would be slightly impressed or at least would like the way I looked.. I go downstairs to have some breakfast and then leave the house on my way to the park. Lucky for us it’s a nice day out not too hot and not too cold, the sun was out a perfect day to chill outside really. Before I know it I’m standing at the bus stop right in front of the park waiting for Charlie to arrive. His bus arrives only 5 minutes later, but those 5 minutes felt like the longest 5 minutes of my life. Just seeing that bus and knowing he was in there made my heartbeat speed up and as soon as I first see him my heart skips a beat. All I wanna do is run up to him and fly around his neck and never let go but I contain myself not knowing what he needs or wants right now I was gonna have to let him take the lead and let me know what I could do for him right now.

As soon as it’s safe Charlie runs onto the street towards me, in pure instinct I open my arms for him and he runs into them picking me up and spinning me around before putting me down again but not letting go of me. I had gotten a lot of hugs from him and they always had been tight but this might have been the tightest one yet he clearly wasn’t lying when he told me he needed this. “hey” is all I can get myself to say while being wrapped up in his hug, there’s no reply coming from him and for a second I’m not sure what to do or say next so I just hold him. “wanna.. maybe take a walk?” I ask him after something that felt like 30 minutes but was probably more like a minute. I can feel him nod and then he slowly lets go of me.

We make our way into the park and just start wandering around. I want to ask him how he's doing i wanna know if he's okay, but that feels like a stupid thing to ask cause he clearly isn't doing okay right now. But then what do you ask or say to someone who had just gotten his heartbroken? should i maybe say something completely random? get his mind away from where ever it was at? I was desperately trying to come up with something but nothing seemed good enough so we just walked in silence for a good while. Then out of no where Charlie takes my hand in his. "can we sit down for a second?" he asks me while pointing towards a bench up ahead. i give his hand a light squeeze "Yeah, of course. we'll do whatever you want Charlie." He leads me to the bench and then sits down, still holding his hand i sit down next to him as i wait for him to say something.

I can see him taking a big breath in before finally saying something. "She really meant the world to me you know.." i was not gonna lie. He had mentioned before that she was so important to him but in the times i saw them together had never really seen or understood why.. as if he was reading my mind he continued "probably didn't always look like that huh? I know you mainly saw things not going as smooth between me and her. i know you heard me complain about her.. but she really did make me happy.." I give his hand a squeeze "It doesn't matter what i saw or heard Char, she made you happy i believe you..I.." He shakes his head "I don't need you to believe me Y/n, i need you to understand.." "Okaay, talk to me then.."

Charlie takes another deep breath "alright, so uuhh.. i met her almost 4 years ago but 4 years ago i wasn't the person that i am now. 4 years ago i was at a very low point in life, my parents had just started getting into bigger and more intense fights. i had to go to a new school cause that whole thing wasn't going well, which apparently also ment losing some of my best friends, i really liked this girl but she ended up being the worst, she played me and stole from me. people at my new school really had it out for me and took every opportunity they could find to bring me down.. it's not that i hated myself during that time but i did hate life, i felt like i was going through everything all alone, felt like no one cared or understood, felt like i didn't even care about anything anymore. I was lonely, scared, lost in life and that's when i met Emma. She was nice to me, she was willing to hang out with me, she loved the same music, we had fun, she introduced me to her friends, she dragged me along to things she went to.. She gave me back an actual life, with her i had a place where i belonged, where i felt home and safe. She pulled me out of the depression i was in.. If there's a God i was convinced she was a gift from him to me.." "i.. Charlie i had no idea.. i'm so sorry" he gives me a small smile "it's okay, you couldn't.. most people have no idea. clearly things changed a bit during our relationship though, she turned into this insecure person, she started claiming me, she didn't want me to hang out with other girls even if she knew they were just friends, she mostly wanted to do things with just me.. but through it all she was still that girl who made me feel the things she had been making me feel from the beginning, she was worth it. i gladly gave up half of my life for her cause i loved her.. i still do.. i was really trying to make her happy, to keep her happy to make her truly believe she was the only one for me, to let her know how grateful i was to have her in my life. I tried so hard y/n.. just not hard enough apparently.." My heart is breaking all over again for him, i let go of his hand and wrap my arm around his shoulder sort of hugging him closer to me. "Please don't think like that. You can't blame yourself for this.." a soft, low 'hmm' is all i get as a response. "Charlie. look at me.." he doesn't.. and i sigh, removing my arm from around his shoulder taking his face in my hands forcing him to look at me. "You can't blame yourself for this. you did EVERYTHING for her Charlie. She should be the grateful one, she should have been honest with you months ago.. she wasnt fair to you, yet you gave her everything. She was so lucky to have you. ANYONE would be so lucky to have you. HECK IM SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE. i will not let you put yourself down because of this Gillespie. I will not let you do that you hear me?"

Charlie just looks at me for a bit while i'm still holding his face and then he laughs, catching me of guard. "i hear you loud and clear.. and i see you very clearly too nugget" i instantly let go of his face "right.. sorry about that i eh.. i don't know why i.. eh.. I just had to make sure i was getting through to you." he smiles at me "Don't worry about it. You did get through to me. You're an amazing person y/n.. you know that right? You're the only one that offered to meet up with me today. Thank you.."

"Hey, no need to thank me. I know you would have done the same for me. This is what we do right? This is what our friendship is. We're here for each other in the good and the bad times." Charlie nods in agreement "true! hey uh.. speaking of good times.. i was supposed to go to this linkin park concert in two weeks.. i was gonna bring Emma with me as a surprise.. do you.. do you maybe wanna go with me?" was he kidding me? A Linkin park concert.. with him? If we didn't just have this deep conversation i would swear this was just a very nice dream.. "I.. YES! i uh.. i mean.. are you sure you want to bring me?" a look of confusion shoots across his face "Why wouldn't i want to bring you? are you kidding me? This friendship basically started with us singing Linkin park. What better way to thank you for everything and celebrate this friendship than going to a concert of the band that started it all?" i throw my arms around charlie pulling in him for the biggest hug "Yes. Yeesss i would love to come with you! Thank you!" i let go of him before continuing "i just.. i thought maybe you would want to bring one of your other friends. Let me know how much the ticket was? i'll repay you!" Charlie shakes his head at me. "nope. I bought it as a gift, it will stay a gift. This is gonna be my first time seeing them live. I'm looking forward to sharing that moment with a best friend like you nugget!" i knew fighting him on this wasn't gonna make a difference, i knew him long enough to know that if he had an idea in mind no one was gonna get it out of there.. we spend the rest of the afternoon just talking and actually end up having a really good time in the park. Sure there were times where Emma came back up and that's okay, this day was all about Charlie and making sure he got had the chance to let it all out, trying to make him feel better. If the amount of times we laughed said something i would say today did him a whole lot of good. We end the afternoon with a very long and tight hug agreeing to meet up again next week to do something fun.

As i'm in the bus on my way home i'm getting lost in my own thoughts.. Would this finally be the start of finally seeing Charlie more often? I for one would not be mad about that, I loved spending time with this boy. I loved this boy, but there's no room for those feelings yet.. I guess only time would tell what was actually gonna happen there.. I at least knew for sure i had the concert to look forward to.. even though i was kinda nervous about that too.. Charlie once mentioned mosh pits and how he thought those were fun.. to me they just seemed scary and i already felt myself getting anxious about possibly getting pulled into one.. HOW WAS I GONNA SURVIVE THAT? I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down, telling myself it will be fun and Charlie would never do that to me.. or maybe i was just hoping really hard he would never do that to me cause what did i know about concert Charlie? i had never gone anywhere with him before.. this was gonna be interesting.

[nepenthendline]

Heyyy, could you do a headcannon post for tsukki, kenma, suga, Kageyama, and kurro, and how they would go about proposing to their s/o. I love your writing btw!!! 💜

proposal hcs make me so sOFT, and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 It means a lot! I’m going to bury myself in these hcs to get rid of the stress my uni are giving me rn also kageyama’s is so long omg i got a little carried away

slight timeskip spoilers (kenma, sugawara, kageyama, kuroo)

Requests are open!

Proposal Headcanons - Tsukishima, Kenma, Sugawara, Kageyama and Kuroo

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima wasn’t one for extravagant publics displays of love and affection, so his proposal wouldn’t be either

he wanted it to be natural, not some crazy, over-the-top event that had everyone in the neighbourhood witnessing

it would be around 5-10 years (depending on how old you were when you started dating) of being together when Tsukishima decided he wanted to marry you, it’s not that he never thought about it, he just wanted to be sure this was the right decision for both of you

he had mentioned marriage to you one night a few months before proposing to test the waters and see your opinion so that he could gauge whether you would say yes or not

he took Yamaguchi with him to pick out a ring, he was great friends with you too so he knew your style and preferences well to help out Tsukishima

the proposal itself what somewhat planned, he knew the day he was going to do it but, other than that, he left it open to change

the two of you had gone for an evening walk across a pathway that overlooked the town, something you two do often to wind down

you two hadn’t spoke much, a comfortable, warm silence surrounding you besides pointing out the odd squirrel or brief check-ups on each others day

both of you had stopped at a railing on your walk, leaning against it to watch the sun set over the tall buildings

his hand was in yours, brushing his thumb over the back of it as he looked out to the view

“I love you (Y/N),” his voice was quiet but it seemed certain

he wasn’t the kind of man that told you he loved you multiple times a day, it was reserved for special moments and the times where he couldn’t get how lucky he was to have you out of his mind

“I love you too Kei,” you didn’t need to be loud, or shout your confession to the world to know that you both meant it deeply

“Marry me,” it sounded more like a instruction than a question and his gaze hadn’t left the sky

“W-what?” had you heard him wrong? was this a joke?

he turned his eyes to you, locking them with yours - this was the most serious and sincere you had ever seen him

“Marry me,” he repeated

you stood with your mouth slightly open, eyes wide as he pulled out a box from his pocket, opening it to display a simple, yet stunning ring

“I always thought that if you went for what you truly wanted, it would just end in pain and disappointment, that all the effort and sentiment would be for nothing, but with you it’s so easy. I might never be, but I want to become the best man for you, that you deserve, so marry me.”

Kenma:

gets married for tax purposes

marriage was not something Kenma had ever though about in his life growing up

he never thought he would get married or find someone he had a connection with and, honestly, he was fine with that

he didn’t really see the appeal of it in the first place

it wasn’t until many years down the line of being with you and his friends around him getting into relationships when he started to consider the possibility

the first time it came into his head was at Kuroo’s wedding

he spent most of the time wishing he could go home and get out of this uncomfortable suit, but there were times when he say Kuroo’s beaming smile that he was glad he came

some of the ex-nekoma team members had poked at him with questions of when he was going to get ‘hitched’, which he responded to with a sigh

he certainly wasn’t going to propose because others told him he needed to

the next time it crossed his mind was when he started a new game that his fans had recommended he play

it was a romance game which wasn’t his usual go-to genre, but it had incredible reviews and created a storm in the gaming world so he thought he might as well check it out

through the game he got to witness an endearing story of a couple that went at odds to be together

the story delved into their married life and all the little things they enjoyed together through the years

he didn’t really want to admit it, but it did make him feel a little emotional

he saw himself and you in the characters, as if he was watching his own life play out on his screen

every now and then you and Kenma played some games together so you could spend time with him and he could show you want had been interesting him lately, so he decided to show you this game

you thought it was adorable, so heartwarming yet a little sad at points, but you had always been a little more outwardly emotional then Kenma

“imagine if we got married haha, how cute would that be!” you gushed out in the moment without thinking as you played

“eh...I guess” it wasn’t really the answer you were hoping for, but at least he didn’t sound utterly disgusted by the thought

you continued to play with him for a while, tucked into his side and making comments every now and then

a particular endearing part was plating on the screen and your eyes shone as they fixated on the characters

he could tell by the glassy look that you were getting a little affected by the story, but you looked so cute

the way your lip pouted ever so slightly, and how you gripped at his hoodie, as if to steady yourself

he had a sudden rush of adoration for you, he really did love you and the last couple years of you living together had been wonderful, how he got to wake up beside you, do daily chores with you, how you supported him in his many careers

“Maybe we should get married,” he blurted out, you whipped your head towards him so fast you almost got whiplash

“Are you...proposing?” you questioned, with somewhat of a laugh in your voice

“huh...looks like I am.”

Sugawara:

Sugawara was sensible, mature, a little bit of a tease and sometimes chaotic if Daichi wasn’t watching but also traditional

he had often thought about what it would be like to grow up, get married and have a family

it wouldn’t take long before he knew he wanted to marry you, even throughout the 3 years you had already been together he had daydreamed about marrying you more times than he could count

from all the memories you had together, all the times you helped enough other in rough patches and the learning the two of you wanted to continue in the future had him certain that he wanted you beside him forever

so he set out his plan

he took his old teammates, Daichi and Asahi with him on a hunt to find the perfect ring

Daichi was there to keep him in check and calm his nerves, although Asahi was probably the most nervous and Asahi had a great eye for stylish, beautiful pieces due to his designing career

now it was time to plan

he didn’t want it to be crazy, but he wanted it to be something, a whole event in itself

so he scheduled a meal for the two of you and some of your friends

it was at quite a fancy restaurant in the evening and your group had its own secluded table at the back, surrounded with dividers from the rest of the restaurant

all of you spent the meal catching up and laughing, but Sugawara seemed a little quieter than usual

you had asked him if he was ok, but he just replied with an ‘of course!’ and a smile, so you let it be

Asahi was shaking but you put that off to general anxiety

you guys had ordered desserts and everyone had gotten theirs first

as the waiter brought yours over, the table went silent

the waiter came from your left, Sugawara on your right, so you had looked over as he came

as he set the plate down, you noticed the words spelled out in chocolate sauce 

“Will you marry me?” 

you gasped and turned towards Sugawara, who was now on one knee next to you, holding out an open ring box

“I have known for so long that I wanted to marry you. You’re beautiful, smart, courageous and so loving, and I want to have you by my side forever. I promise I will continue to grow as your partner and take care of you every step of the way, so, will you marry me?”

Kageyama:

the only thing in this boy’s brain is you and volleyball, its all his one braincell can cope with

that being said, he has never once thought about marriage

his whole life he has spend all his energy and focus on becoming a better player, the best setter he possibly can and standing on the court longer

but you were the first person to get him, to understand him and accept him as is while helping him improve and grow

you helped him to open up and communicate with people better

you helped him whenever he was frustrated with volleyball and a certain play he was working tirelessly on

you never once turned your back on him when he struggled or lost his temper

you were his partner, but it was different from a volleyball partner

he cared for you, every part of you, and always wanted to know if you were ok or spend time with you

you made him genuinely smile everyday and he knew that he wanted to be your partner for life

it came about when he was hanging out with Hinata on one of their rare days off to catch up

he had been talking about you constantly, expressing how much he loved you and adored you

“Why don’t you just marry them?” Hinata questioned with his held tilted, as if it was obvious

“w-what? Hinata boke!” he shouted as his face grew red and pushed Hinata aside

the two talked about it and Kageyama decided, very bashfully, that yeah, he should just marry you

but how does he ask you that?

he knew nothing about marriage or proposals, so he spend the next few weeks asking his friends, teammates, even his coach on how to propose to you

“Take them to an expensive restaurant!”

“Wouldn’t it be cute to propose in Disneyland??”

“Well, I proposed to my partner by sending them on a scavenger hunt”

he was bombarded with ideas, but none of them seemed right

none of them seemed like him

he was getting frustrated with the pressure of coming up with a good way to ask you to be his forever, it had to be perfect, it had to be special and it had to fit with your relationship

you noticed he was getting agitated a lot more recently, he was quieter and snapped more often, he stayed back later at the gym to train and he rarely ate dinner with you anymore

whenever you asked what the problem was, he replied with an ‘it’s nothing’ and stormed off

his teammates had noticed too and were less than pleased with his attitude as it affected their gameplay

one of his teammates had begged you to come to the gym and talk some sense into him when he started continuously overworking himself

it was 7pm when you set off from your house to the gym where he was still training

as you entered, you noticed that he was the only one here, hitting serve after serve that never seemed to land right

“Tobio,” you called out

“Baby,” you tried again but you couldn’t catch his attention from his deep focus on the ball

you walked over to him and lightly grabbed his arm, stopping him from serving the ball again

“Tobio, what’s wrong? Everyone is worried about you. Are you having trouble with a play? Because we can sort that out with your coach-”

he cut you off by mumbling something under his breath, much too quiet for you to hear

“What was that?” 

“I want to ask you to marry me and I don’t know how,” he said louder this time, his eyes staring at the ball in his hand as he gripped it tightly

“O-oh, right...” you were stunned, speechless, this wasn’t something you thought you would hear from him

“Everyone’s been telling me how to do it, but none of them seem right,” his voice was low and his gaze still hadn’t let the ball

you put a finger under his chin and lifted his face towards you

“It doesn’t need to be what everyone else tells you, we can do things our own way,” you tried to comfort him with a smile and he simply stared back at you

“So go on then,” you were beaming at him by now, yet his face got even tighter with confusion

“Go on, ask me to marry you.”

his jaw hung wide open, his eyes seemed to be staring into your skull like he had seen a ghost, this is certainly not what he expected

he tried to speak a couple times, stumbling on his words as they got caught in his throat

“It’s ok, take your time,” you brushed your thumb over the back of his hand as you held it, encouraging him to continue

“w-will you....will...willyoumarryme?”

BONUS: you two picked out a ring together afterwards, this boy has no sense of style, don’t trust him by himself

Kuroo:

Kuroo had jokingly asked you to marry time multiple times throughout your relationship

the first couple times ended with you being a blushing mess while he teased you

but by now you just tell him to shut up go off sis

marrying you had always been part of the plan for him, just a natural progression of your relationship

while Kuroo can be quite the tease, he was extremely serious of his relationship with you and your future

he started off his plan by asking your dad if he would like to spend the day together, you know, father-son-in-law bonding time

what your dad wasn’t prepared for was Kuroo to turn up in a shirt, suit trousers and confess how he wanted to marry you

he had a whole speech prepared about how he would be the best husband for you, how he would be sure to take good care of you and, possibly, be the best father in the future if you planned to have children

you dad had to eventually shut him up as Kuroo kept going, saying how he would be delighted to have you marry the man

step one: check

now he needed to find the right ring

he had a look around at multiple stores but he couldn’t find anything that was unique enough to be called yours and that captured you or your relationship

since Kuroo had quite the high-paying job plus a little backing from a certain famous youtuber so the cost wasn’t an issue and he wanted to spoil you

so he got one custom made

he sat with a designer for hours creating the most stunning, distinctive ring that he knew you would love

step two: check

over the next couple days he planned a meet-up evening with your family and his where he would pop the question

you both had spent the day cooking and preparing for the evening before they all come to your house

you had all finished dinner and moved over to the living room to chat

Amidst all the chatter, Kuroo stood up and cleared his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention

“I have something I’d like to say,” he said with confidence, then turning to you with a grin

“The last few years with you have been perfect. We’ve had some ups and downs, but we have made so many amazing memories together. You really are my other half and I think everyday about how truly lucky I am to call you mine. You know me better than anyone else. I know I’ve asked you this a couple times in the past when we’re laughing together, but this time I’m serious,”

he got down on one knee, holding one of your hands while presenting the custom ring in the other

“will you do me the honour of marrying me?”

and the crowd goes wild

Tagging @togasknifes so she can read Kageyama ty ly

[darthkruge]

Hello! I'm kinda new to the whole tumblr thing so sorry if this request is bad but I was wondering if maybe you could do an imagine for spencer reid where the reader is Garcia's younger sister and Garcia brings her in to meet the team because it's her first day there. Maybe Reid recognizes her from somewhere and he will not leet it go until he finds out how he knows her? Btw it's totally fine if you don't get to this! :)

Spencer Reid x Reader ~ Piano

Summary: When a new agent joins the BAU, Spencer knows he’s seen them before but literally cannot figure out where. His memory having never failed him before, he doesn’t rest until he figures it out.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral! Reader; Penelope Garcia x Sibling! Reader

Words: 1973

Warnings: A little bit of language, I think that’s all?

A/N: Hey anon!! First off, don’t worry, love! I’m honestly new to this whole tumblr thing too, but I loved this request! I’m sorry I didn’t get to it sooner, life’s been a bit hectic. I made it so the reader is Garcia’s younger sibling instead of sister, I hope you don’t mind. I’m going to try to make writing as gender neutral as possible moving forward. Nothing against you, of course, I know I haven’t specified in past requests and I couldn’t have expected you to know, so don’t worry! That being said, sorry for rambling and I hope you like it :)

(gif isn’t mine)

“Hello, everyone! I want you to meet the youngest of the wonderful Garcia children!” Penelope led you into the BAU where you waved a bit stiffly. You weren’t a huge fan of being the center of attention, but you knew your sister loved these introductions.

Looking around, you pieced together the people you knew from Penelope’s stories. You recognized Derek immediately. You assumed from his professional stance that the taller and older dark haired man was Hotch. Logically, that meant Rossi was next to him. And Emily and JJ were the two women, smiling and waving at you encouragingly. You smiled a bit broader, immediately sensing you would be fast friends with them. Finally, your eyes landed on what had to be Spencer. You thought he was quite attractive and, from Penelope’s descriptions, he was also amazing, talented, kind, smart, basically everything you liked. You waved at him but noticed he was almost studying you? You weren’t sure, but felt a bit awkward, confused as to why he seemed friendly to everyone else but wouldn’t even smile at you.

“Umm, hi!” You said, laughing nervously and kind of hoping to disappear. Hotch sensed your discomfort and offered you a kind smile before putting you out of your misery.

“Welcome to the team, L/N. Garcia’s told us wonderful things about you. That being said, we’re just closing up tonight, so you could finish up your paperwork finalizing your transfer into the BAU if you haven’t already and then come in for your first day tomorrow?”

“Okay, thank you, Sir.”

“Goodnight, team”

Everyone echoed the “Goodnight” before filing out of the room. You got into the car with your sister and pulled out of the BAU, reflecting on your past and thinking about the next chapter of your life.

After almost everyone else had left, Spencer was still at his desk, thinking. The certified genius, was, for once, completely at a loss. He couldn’t figure it out. Where had he seen you before? He was currently in the process of mapping out every place he’d gone to over the last few months. Every restaurant, every film festival, every face he saw in passing at crosswalks, through car windows, at coffee stands, and, still, nothing.

“Woah, Pretty Boy, slow down! What’s got you so riled up?” Derek says, walking over to where Spencer was hunched over his notebook, furiously writing.

“I can’t figure it out, I know we’ve met before or I’ve seen them before or something. I just,” Spencer put his head in his hands, eyes starting to burn a bit from the strain of writing and concentrating for so long, “I just know it”

“Seen who before?”

“Y/N, the new agent. They’re so familiar, but for some reason I just can’t figure it out”

“Ohh! Garcia’s their sister, right?”

Spencer nodded and Derek came behind him, seeing the messy timeline and pages of notes scattered around the agent.

“Are you sure you’ve seen them? I mean, we see lots of people on the job. You could have just seen someone who looked like them, you know? And come on, Reid, your memory is, like, insane . If you’d met, you’d have remembered”

“I know, that’s what’s got me so messed up.” Spencer sighed.

“Take a rest, kid. It’s late, get back to it tomorrow. Maybe they’ll visit you in your dreams…” Derek said, wiggling his eyebrows and laughing as he walked away.

Spencer laughed, hoping Derek was right. He’d do anything to get more time with you, even if it was in his subconscious. Honestly, he felt a bit bad. He’d been so caught up in figuring how he knew you that he’d kind of forgotten to actually talk to you. Normally, he’d have caught a new recruit before they left, but he didn’t get the chance with you. After packing up, Spencer went home and continued his search with you on the forefront of his mind.

Meanwhile, you had just gotten back to your sister’s apartment. You had your own place but you were new to the team and felt a bit lonely. Mentally, you didn’t want to be alone at home, too.

“Hey, Pen, what’s up with Reid?” You asked. You were confused, you knew he was quiet but he seemed to be actively ignoring you. Even stranger, you caught him intensely staring at you, as if he was trying to figure something out.

“He’s just shy, Y/N. But he’ll warm up to you, don’t worry! Honestly, I think the both of you would be a pretty good match. If you want, I can do some of my famous matchmaking!”

“Please, noooooo,” You groaned, dragging out the word.

“Come on! I’m great at it!”

“No! Remember last time? I ended up on a blind date with a guy who, within the first three minutes, told me he liked me because he saw similarities between me and his parents!! Then, he proceeded to detail their divorce for the next 45 minutes!”

Penelope was laughing hysterically, “I mean, you did say you liked emotionally available people!”

You grabbed a pillow and threw it at her head, dying in your own fit of laughter.

“Alright, that’s it, I’m going to bed. I can’t be conscious in the same house as you anymore” You say, smiling and jokingly flipping your sister off as you walk away and into the guest room.

Naturally, she returned the gesture.

When Spencer arrived at work the next morning, his eyes were bloodshot, hair was sticking up in a million different directions, and clothes were exceptionally disheveled. Anyone else and you would have thought they had a really bad (or great) one-night stand. Although you weren’t close with him, you just didn’t see him being that type of guy. You laughed a bit as he grimaced, taking a sip of what looked like extremely bitter coffee.

Deciding to try and break the ice, you went over to him. “Long night?”

Spencer’s head shot up. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that” He said, laughing a bit.

You smiled. Even though he was awkward, you felt at ease in his company. “I get that, I’ve had a few long nights myself. I love the job, don’t get me wrong, but the way the BAU runs is different from anything else I’ve ever dealt with.”

“Yeah. It can be a bit of an adjustment, but you’ll be fine. You’re doing great. I mean, you arrived early, so I can already assume you’re organized. And your desk is a little messy, leading me to believe you’re a creative person. Your handwriting is quite slanted, too. I recognized it from your entry forms. Did you know that’s a sign of high intelligence? Because your thoughts are moving so quickly, your hand can’t keep up in the “perfect” way, so the letters normally slant and become more sloppy.”

You were mesmerized by him. You could watch him talk for hours, truly. Sure, he wasn’t always graceful, but he was so passionate about everything he talked about. You loved listening to people talk about what they love. The way their eyes light up, it makes the energy surrounding them contagious.

Realizing he had just psychoanalyzed you without permission, Spencer looked at your sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to profile you. It’s sometimes hard to shut off, especially around new people.”

“I get that. It’s okay, I don’t mind.” You said, nodding knowingly.

As you said that, Spencer figured it out. He remembered one time visiting his mother in Vegas and hearing you say those exact words. You were playing the piano, talking to a patient who had just accidentally spilled some water on your sheet music as they took their medicine. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I was in need of new music, anyway” You had responded, laughing. He was surprised he didn’t immediately recognize you, the beautiful and talented person he’d seen that day. But, it did make sense, in a way. Spencer’s memory is always at its highest and weakest when he’s with his mother. He can remember each of their conversations, verbatim, but everything else fades.

“Spencer? You alright?” He had been kind of spacing out for a few moments and you were afraid you did something wrong.

His attention came back to you and he smiled again, brighter this time. “You play piano.” He stated.

Your breath caught and you let out a small laugh, extremely confused. “Uhh, yeah, I do. I’m sure you’re great, but that seems extreme even for you, Mr. Profiler”

Spencer laughed. “No! I didn’t profile you, I just, I remember you. Las Vegas, March 12th, Psychiatric Hospital, you were playing piano. A patient spilled water on you. I remember you.”

“Oh, right! Ms. Owens! She’s lovely. You were there that day? Well, either that or you just gave yourself up as a damn good stalker”

“No, no, not that,” He said, a shy smile playing on his lips, “My mother’s a patient there, Diana Reid? I’m not sure if you know her.”

“Yeah! She’s quite a character. I always enjoyed playing on days Diana was there.” You reminisced for a second, lost in the memory.

“Were you visiting someone there, too?” He said, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Not exactly. My grandfather was a patient before he passed. He taught me how to play and I kind of just asked the staff if I could volunteer and continue to after he left. They were kind enough to let me. I mean, he always encouraged me to perform and I thought it was a nice way to honor his memory. A few months later I heard from Penelope that there was an opening at the BAU. I moved out, and, well, here I am.” You gestured to yourself, slightly embarrassed after you realized you might have overshared.

Spencer caught onto this, however, and quickly reassured you. “That’s amazing, Y/N. You were amazing when I heard you. I wish I could have heard you play again.”

“Thank you, that’s really sweet, Spencer.” You said, resting your hand atop his, a blush forming in his cheeks at the touch.

“Um, if you don’t have plans. I mean, not to assume you don’t have plans, just if you, you know, happen to not be busy, would you want to maybe get dinner sometime? You don’t have to, of course! I wouldn’t be offended! I just kind of want to get to know you more. If that’s alright with you.” He trailed off, not making eye contact and playing with the buttons on his shirt a bit as he awaited your answer.

Deciding to be bold, you gently turned his face to meet yours and smiled. “I would love to. Tomorrow, pick me up at 8:00?”

“Yeah! Here’s my number, text me your address?”

You smiled and nodded, taking his phone. He took the moment to just look at you. You were truly one of the most breathtaking people he’d ever met. He couldn’t believe he’d just gotten you to agree to go out with him. Even so, he wouldn’t question it. If something in the universe gave this to him, he wouldn’t risk it for a second.

You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek as you slipped the phone back into his hand. As you pulled away, Spencer cupped your cheek and pulled you back in for a kiss. His lips tasted sweet and soft and a sense of serenity washed over you as you stood in the middle of the BAU, kissing him. Everything faded away and quickly came into focus again as he pulled away, far too soon for your liking.

“More of that tomorrow” He whispered, his forehead resting against yours.

You smiled, “That’s fine by me.”

~requests are open~

[crimeronan]

[redacted] asked: do you acc like pynch but the reason you don't talk about it is because of the toxicity of the fandom? u can answer this privately btw so u don't get attacked!!! (and also maybe so i don't get attacked) if you want to

-

posting publicly but leaving ur url out, friend! with some of the fandom nonsense that's gone down the past few days i've wanted an opportunity to explain myself more clearly

i do like pynch very much! over at my ao3 (elliptical), you will find well over 200k words of pynch fic. i also like the ot6 very much. i believe that ronan and adam are healthiest with a strong support network, whether that's platonic or not. i am polyamorous myself and have four partners. because of these combined factors, i almost exclusively write polyamorous pynch

i shitpost a lot about "why ship pynch when [x] is better" and the like, and that is 100% related to fandom toxicity. i think it's funny as hell

i care more about ronan and adam as individuals than i do about their relationship, which might set me apart from some shippers. if breaking up would be good for their character growth then i would (and will) SCREAM for a breakup. FROTH for one. DO IIIIIT

i am NOT joking when i say that ronan's experience of monogamy is toxic. i think there has been miscommunication here so i am going to try to set the record straight

in a healthy monogamous relationship, the partners establish & respect boundaries, communicate openly, and lean on each other for support. they do not self-isolate and shut the other out and keep secrets and lie and self-destruct because they don't feel good enough. mister impossible is 300 pages expressly stating, over and over, "WHAT RONAN IS DOING IS NOT GOOD. THIS IS NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP."

the definition of a healthy polyamorous relationship is exactly the same. boundaries, communication, support. the main difference between a poly and monogamous relationship is that in a poly relationship, the boundaries involve also loving/being with other people. in a monogamous relationship, the partners have mutually agreed that they are not comfortable with this.

the solution to ronan's problems is not to just open his relationship and see what happens. (people have tried to do this to salvage their toxic relationships and it is always DISASTROUS.) but IF ronan is able to get to a healthy place with adam, he will ALSO be in a place where he CAN negotiate polyamory, if he wants to.

(or he might say hey, i've given it some thought, and i've decided this would make me uncomfortable/unhappy. i want a closed relationship. <-healthy communication and expression of needs!)

do i think ronan is in a place, canonically, where he can have a healthy poly relationship? nah. here's the thing, though. ronan is also not in a place where he can have a healthy monogamous relationship.

he's got shit to deal with! i care deeply about him, and i relate very much to him, which is why i like writing his process of Dealing With That Shit. and i like writing polyamory because i am polyamorous and it makes me happy.

fandom toxicity has gotten really ugly in the past few days. it's partly my fault, i openly engaged with someone when i shouldn't have. they made it very clear that they had no interest in changing their opinion and would continue to disrespect me no matter what i said, which is the point at which i should have blocked and moved on. people are welcome to keep talking shit about me. i'm done with believing i could ever stop them

there have been some straight-up lies spread around about things i or my friends have said/done, though, so this post is mainly to clear the air. please refer to it for my Actual opinions on polyamory vs monogamy (and pynch in general) before believing the griping of people who exclusively interact in bad faith.

to conclude, i like pynch in canon and some fic. i have strong opinions about it and i don't like some of the fandom attitudes surrounding their relationship. i am going to continue writing what i want (whether it features pynch or not) because it makes me happy. i am not going to apologize for that. people interested in my takes on pynch relationship negotiation can browse my ao3, i've poured all my feelings WAY more deeply into fic than i do shitposts.

[rainywritingsx]

Scenario: Shoji, Todoroki and Midoriya protecting their very shy s/o

Request: Would you be okay writing about Shoji, Shoto and Izuku protecting a very shy s/o? Maybe someone is mean to them or there's something falling from somewhere. S/o can't stand up to ppl (maybe s/o is also not in the hero course but in u.a.?) thamk so much and have a nice day ~the one you matched with shoji btw lol

oh hi there :D this request is so cute, I hope I did okay with writing it! You didn’t specify whether you wanted  a scenario or headcanon, so I went with scenarios, hope that’s okay. Have fun reading!

xxx Damla

Reminder that as of right now, requests are closed!

Warnings: none :)

words: 2670

If you’d like to give me a small tip, you can buy me a coffee! ^^

Shoji Mezo

As soon as the bell rang, I pretty much jumped out of my seat and left the classroom. Finally, I can leave. This class isn’t particularly my favourite, which is due to the fact that I don’t have any friends here. Most of them, as well as my boyfriend, are in the hero course.

When I arrived at my locker, I was surprised not to find Shoji waiting as usual. Maybe he had to train? Right at that moment my phone beeped. I opened my bag and took it out. Shoji had texted me.

I’m sorry love, I was training in teams with Tokoyami and he got injured. I will be there in 10 minutes

A soft smile spreads across my face. He really is one of the most caring people I know. While I’m not exactly happy to be alone, it’s most likely that some of Shoji’s classmates can be found in the cafeteria, so I will just go there.

I open my locker and quickly take out the books I need after lunch. Luckily there aren’t many, since I only have English and then PE. I close it again and zip up my backpack before making my way to the cafeteria. Luckily it isn’t that far, and the halls are empty.

I look outside out of the large windows. The sun is shining brightly, and it's clear that it’s spring. Many flowers have bloomed, and I see a lot of birds. There are people having their lunch outside, some are even training. Wow, that’s some dedication… My eyes land on Jirou, who is sitting at a table with Yaoyorozu. Our gazes meet and she smiles before patting the spot next to her. Alright, I guess I’ll eat outside too.

I make my way towards the door. It’s pretty heavy, but thankfully I manage to open it. I’m about to run up to the girls, but I freeze when I hear what I think is the door slamming against someone.

“Oi! What the fuck!” I turn around wide eyed, to see someone whom I thought to be a student of my homeroom class. I don’t remember his name, but he has never been very nice to me. Something gives me the idea that I’m in trouble. I gulp and slowly walk backwards on the grass, but soon my back hits a wall.

“I-I’m so-”

“you’re sorry?” he interrupts, taking a step closer to me. I cower slightly. His closeness is making me way too uncomfortable. “Yeah, you better be! Maybe if you stopped daydreaming about your stupid boyfriend from class 1-A you’d actually notice your surroundings.” I’m speechless. A billion thoughts are running through my head. I want to curse at him for talking about Shoji like that, but my body isn’t doing anything. It’s like I’m glued to the brick wall my body is resting against

“You’re gonna pay for-”

“It was an accident.” An indescribable amount of relief comes over me when Shoji stands in front of me. His right hand reaches behind him for mine, and I immediately hold it. It’s only now that I realise my hands had been shaking the whole time, just like my legs. The guy who was almost yelling at me a second ago, now has a smirk on his face but I can tell he’s a little intimidated.

“Still, your partner should look where they’re going.” I can’t see any of their faces, but by his posture I can tell that Shoji remains completely calm and unfazed as usual.

“Okay,” he calmly responds. “I’m sure you’ve given them enough of a scare, so they’ll be more careful in the future. Still, I don’t think it was okay for you to talk to them like that. That wasn’t exactly behaviour fit for a UA student.” he didn’t even comment anymore, but just bowed to us both and apologised, his tone shaky. Before I knew it he was gone. He was all talk, I knew it.

Shoji turns back to me, still holding my hand and I smile. “Thank you, Shoji.” I can see his eyes moving upwards a bit, which shows he’s smiling too.

“No need to thank me. I guess it isn’t always bad to look scary to people.” I can’t help but laugh at that. Shoji’s appearance is something that he’s insecure about, so knowing that he can joke about it a bit makes me happy.

However, I can’t help but feel bad for not being able to have said anything to that guy when he was insulting Shoji. And I was sure he heard it too…

“I’m sorry.” I sigh, looking down in shame. For a moment, there's silence. Then I see Shoji’s feet taking another step closer to me. His other hand grabs mine as well.

“Can you look at me, please?” his tone wasn’t demanding, rude, or angry. He’s calm, it’s a simple request. He gives me the idea that even if I said no it would be fine, but I look at him nonetheless.

“Y/n, I really don’t care that much about people like that. He doesn’t know me, or you. I only care about what you and the other people in my life think. You don’t need to defend me. I know people like that don’t change minds easily.” I have to admit that he’s right. I mean, I don’t even know his name, so why did I care that much?

“Let’s go, I saw you were on your way to Jirou and Yaoyorozu, right? Tokoyami is there too now.”  I nod and Shoji is about to walk, but he stops when he realises I’m still standing. I smile and walk over to him, stand on my toes and kiss his cheeks. A giggle leaves my mouth when I see his eyes have widened. Even though I would usually have the same reaction, today is different.

“Yep, I’m ready now.”

Todoroki Shouto

Of course, as soon as one person found out I’m dating Shoto, the news spread around the school like fire. Of course I notice the glances at me in hallways, the quiet whispers, the way that people approach me now. Some act nicer, but there also some that seem to suddenly dislike me. And I can’t do anything about it.

In theory I can, but I’ve never been able to even tell someone that their tone was rude, or that something was uncalled for. I’ve even been called names sometimes, and when people see my flustered face, they laugh and throw more insults at me.

Despite all this, Shoto isn’t aware. I never told him, and I’m not planning to. He already has enough going on for him and what has been happening to me just seems like a mild inconvenience at this point. It’s times like this where I’m glad that he isn’t the type of person to keep pushing if he wants to know something.

And of course this happens today too, as I’m walking to the hero course department of UA. I can already hear some people snicker at the fact that I’m even here. I ignore it, because as usual, I don’t want to cause a scene.

My eyes scan the hallway. His classroom is supposed to be somewhere here, but where? Idiot, y/n, you had to ask him what class he currently is in. Now I have to check everywhere.

I don’t see any students from 1-A so he definitely has a class right now. At least I know something. I look through the windows in the doors, but every classroom is empty. Why are there even so many classes here? Maybe I can ask a teacher what subject 1-A has right now. Wait, but isn’t that weird? No, they probably know that I’m looking for Shoto.

In my train of thought, I completely forget my surroundings. So it’s no surprise that I bump into someone and fall on the ground. I hiss when my knees graze the floor, but then remember that that was a person that I bumped into. I look up and my eyes widen when I see Monoma from class 1-B. He looks down at me with a smirk and laughs at my confused state.

“Look who’s here. Looking for your boyfriend?” Without thinking, a billion apologies leave my mouth as I place my books that had fallen earlier back into my bag. My knees feel like they’re burning but I’m more worried about what just happened.

“Wow,” Monoma chuckles. I can feel his eyes on me as I finally zip up my bag and get up. “Can’t even walk properly. I knew that the other departments were losers, but this?” My grip on my bag tightens as he speaks.

“Well, at least you’re kinda good-lookingI guess. Still, I would’ve thought someone from 1-A would go for a person who’s way better than you.” In surprise, I lift my head up. Of course the thought of Shoto deserving better has crossed my mind before. He’s the son of the current number one hero, of course people expect someone who’s the opposite of me. I always try to tell myself it’s amazing I even got into UA at all, but at times I cannot help but wonder if it would be better for Shoto to leave me.

“You know it too, don’t you?” Monoma continues. “No need to tell me, I can see it in your eyes. You want to say so much, but you’re way too much of a coward to do it.” he laughs and looks away for a moment.

“That’s why everyone picks on you and your sweet prince charming has no idea. You can’t even stand your ground, how pathetic. Nobody understands what he even sees --” his voice trails of. Monoma moves his head to his side, and his grin widens.

“Ah, there he is, just as I was speaking about him!” I turn around and gasp when I see Shoto walking in our direction. Shit. He saw it all, didn’t he?

“Your prince charming just knows when to save you, huh? I mean, with such a weak significant other, I probably-”

“My classes are done, let’s go y/n.” Todoroki says, completely ignoring Monoma’s presence. He grabs my hand and is about to walk away.

“One more thing.” he says as he turns around and looks at him.

“Y/n is the best partner I could ask for, and if all you care about is what their education is, you are the disappointment here.” he glances back at me and grabs my hand with a small smile. “Let’s go.”

Midoriya Izuku

The silent aura of the library usually brings me at peace, but today, as I’m entering it by myself, I feel uneasy. A part of me feels like everyone’s eyes are burning through me. So, I keep my gaze down and just walk over to a random bookshelf. As I lift my head again and look through some books, I try nonchalantly scanning the library for any sign of my boyfriend, but Izuku is nowhere to be found.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I quickly grab it and see that Izuku texted me.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I had to help Kaminari with something related to Hero Studies. I’ll be there soon. I love you ❤︎.”

He’s too sweet. I text him back, assuring him that it’s okay and put my phone back in my pocket. Maybe I should pick one book and read it until Izuku comes here, or else I’ll be bored doing nothing. Also, I feel like people keep whispering about me here.

Izuku may not be the most popular student of this school, but people definitely know of him. I mean, he’s a class 1-A student, he worked at Nighteye’s agency, and has done more impressive stuff. So obviously, when he gets in a relationship people will talk about it. While I do get it, I also hate the attention it brings. People have been mostly nice to me luckily, so that’s a relief.

I decide to take a seat at a table with only a few people. It’s also close to the entrance door, so Izuku will be able to spot me easily when he gets here. After also placing my bag on the ground, I finally start reading. After what feels like a few minutes, but probably is a lot more, I’m already halfway through the thing.

“Y/n?” a familiar voice whispers. A smile can’t help but grow on my face as I turn my head to find Izuku standing next to me.

“Hi.” I reply. He smiles and kisses me cheek, to which my eyes widen. We’re in public, what is he doing? I quickly cover my face with the manga I was reading earlier, so people don’t see my embarrassed expression. Izuku only giggles softly.

“Babe, there’s almost nobody here.” he reassures me. “and I missed you.” he adds with a small pout. Ugh, I can’t be mad at him when he makes that adorable face.

“O-okay.” I close the manga and get up. “I’ll just put this back, and then we can start studying.” he follows me to the shelf.

“So, how was your day?” I ask as my eyes scan for the right manga series. Izuku starts telling me about his day, making me almost laugh a few times when he mentions some silly moments, like Sero and Kaminari trying to prank Bakugou but only failing and angering him as a result.

“Oh, and we will get to work with the other departments of the school for some projects, I’m really excited about that.” I smile. Yeah, that sounds fun.

“What is it for?”

“Well,” I accidentally bump into the bookshelf behind me and yelp quietly. “Mr Aiza-Y/n careful!” I squeeze my eyes closed, preparing for anything falling on top of me, but I feel nothing. My eyes open again and I look up. Izuku is holding some books that would’ve landed on me if he wasn’t here. His expression shows that he was a little scared, but soon relief takes over.

“I thought something was going to happen to you..” he sighed as he placed the books back on the shelf. I awkwardly stand up straight and fiddle with my fingers, mumbling a soft apology. Of course I had to be stupid and not take in my surroundings

“Hey, it’s okay.” he grabs my hands and smiles. “I’m not upset, I’m just glad you’re alright. Just be a little more careful next time, okay, honey?” I nod, trying to hide how flustered the nickname makes me feel and squeeze his hands softly. I look at his hands, and rub my thumbs over them. There are a few new bruises on there.

“Did you get hurt again?” I ask, examining his knuckles. Izuku chuckles awkwardly.

“I-It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I already went to Recovery Girl for it.” he lets go of one of my hands and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

“I-Izuku, there’s people here…” I say hurriedly, hoping that nobody will see us. I’m not embarrassed by him, of course not. It’s just that I always feel a bit nervous when it comes to PDA.

“I have an idea. How about we study in my dorm room? Can I have cuddles then?” he asks sweetly while removing his hands from me. I nod softly.

“That sounds nice..”

“Okay, let’s get some of your favourite snacks first and then go.” my face lights up and I nod again.

“Let’s go.” I hear him giggle before we both leave the library.

“Oh, we can also get dinner together somewhere if you want, I’m sure there’s food in the kitchen or we can get take-”

“Izuku.” I stop him. “L-let’s get those snacks and study first.” he chuckles and nods.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just really happy we get to hang out again. Let’s go then, the grocery store is only a few minutes away from UA.”

[medusinestories]

Aaa Miranda is in this ep and so of course this got Long!

Black Sails, III (S1 ep03)

- I just LOVE the domestic scenes of Flint waking up at home, surrounded by white crisp linen, wearing an oversized shirt, and going straight to a pot of something that smells good (I'm guessing it's tea or a spice he intends to use afterwards). And also how, outside of the rough life at sea, he's actually delicate, wincing when Miranda tends to him a bit roughly.

- I think a reason why I didn't really understand Miranda on my first watch is because she's sulking in a very cool/restrained way in these scenes. She's relieved that Flint's back, but finds small ways to put him down (commenting on the blood on her floor, chiding him for not telling her about the wound, stinging him with disinfectant) that express that she's not altogether happy with him/his behaviour.

- In the meanwhile, Flint's back to being Captain Oblivious. In spite of Miranda's little digs he's so smug about having found the schedule that he doesn't notice that she's unhappy. It's only when she doesn't jump for joy when he gives her the Middleton book that he cottons on that she’s not in a great mood.

- Also, I'll die on the "Flint is bi" hill, and to me the way Flint looks at Miranda when she's fixing his bandages is not only smug but also seductive - she’s the one who’s not receptive in this moment. But the fact that Miranda talks of "having you all to myself" in the same conversation also suggests that their relationship is (still) romantic/sexual. (and while I’m on my unpopular opinion spree, I don’t want to hear anything about “straightbaiting”: reducing Flint and Miranda’s relationship to a trick used by the creators to make the audience think Flint is straight is deeply disrespectful of whatever these two characters share)

- We get to see a lot of Silver writing out the contents of the stolen page, and boy is he proficient with a quill and ink. Where/how/why did a little thief he learn to read and write? This definitely isn't the typical education of a London orphan.

- "Don't torture me, my pain threshold is very low, and I'd say anything to make it stop"... so Silver is threatening to be incoherent and/or inaccurate under torture? A pretty weak argument when faced with someone who wants to torture you for information. And this reminds me that Gates (and Flint, and Billy though he looked very ill at ease) was ready to torture Max in the previous episode to get information, though he presented it as a last resort. And yet here Flint snorts and walks away when Billy suggests torture decides to take Silver along with their crew. So how is Silver different from Max, here? Could it possibly be related to the fact that he and Flint eyesex stare at each other all through the conversation, hmm?

- Back to Breaking Billy: Billy wants to do everything in his power to prevent the crew from finding out that Silver is the actual thief, imo mostly because he doesn't want the crew to find out that he lied to them about Singleton. Billy is shown to be a terrible liar: when he brings Silver to Randall, saying Silver lost a bet to him, Randall immediately tells him that there's no betting onboard, catching him out and putting him in an awkward situation. Gates also warned Billy off canvassing to find out if the crew is still angry with Flint, and was quite right: Morley and Turk immediately figure out what he's doing. However, by the end of the episode, he also uses his reputation of being honest to convince Morley that Singleton was, indeed, a thief. I wonder how he feels about using his reputation of honesty to cover up a lie.

- In the meantime Silver actually does what Billy was trying to do very badly: he finds out who's still against Flint. Unlike Captain Oblivious, Silver has somehow intuited that Billy needed to find the dissenters, possibly because he's figured out that Billy hates keeping up the lie. In any case, he plays double agent in order to gain Billy’s trust (perhaps a bad strategy to gain an honest man’s trust... just saying).

- Hornigold, after an incredibly pompous tirade about the noble origins of the chair he’s sitting on, has the gall to call Flint arrogant and presumptuous. Apparently, arrogant and presumptuous is the kind of people who Gates is friends with/drawn to. I also can't help but wonder why Gates believes that Hornigold's crew knows and trusts him and that it'll be easy for him to captain them. I wonder if Hornigold used to have Gates as a Quartermaster, pre-Flint. The fact that Hornigold tells Gates that he's starting to speak like Flint, in a reproachful tone, could also  be a clue.

- Gates' advancing age is a major subject in this episode, with Hornigold saying that Gates is one of the rare people who's actually getting dumber with age, and Rackham playing on Gates' doubts about his physical condition and mental alertness to convince him to enrol Vane in their capture of the Urca. Gates himself mentioned previously that he doesn’t plan on pirating all his life. Interestingly, Flint doesn't once suggest that he has any doubt about Gates’ ability to captain a ship, and I really don’t think he has (both a sign of great trust, but also a Captain Oblivious trait, as he’s seemingly blind to Gates’ anxiety and possibly the reality of Rackham’s comment about Gates’ physical condition).

- In this episode, Miranda hands her copy of Meditations to Richard Guthrie. Some people have asked why she'd hand something so revealing about Flint to someone like Guthrie. At the point where she gives the book to him, he: 1) doesn't know who she is (she refuses to answer when asked) 2) is supposedly bedridden and being guarded by an armed man, and therefore 3) wouldn't be able to guess who "T.H." is with the information that he currently has. She didn't expect Richard Guthrie that would be a sneaky bastard who was less wounded than he appeared to be and who’d go snooping around her house at the first occasion (btw, snooping parallel: Guthrie in Flint’s house finds out personal information and Silver in Flint’s cabin finds out strategic information). I think that what Miranda wanted was to have someone she could talk to about Meditations, a book that she, her husband, and Flint had all enjoyed, and that she likely couldn’t share with Flint anymore because it’s too painful a subject for him.

- Which brings me to Miranda's situation: her loneliness and the precariousness of her life is already framed quite clearly in this episode. The pastor sends spies to watch her house when Flint is around, and openly asks her to join his congregation so that he can save her from Flint and the impending arrival of the Navy. In the meantime, the crew believe she's at the centre of Flint's "evil": some believe that she's a witch who controls Flint, and Morley tells Billy that she's the reason why Flint treats the crew like pawns.

- The whole Flint/Gates workplace comedy scenes never fail to crack me up. Flint laughing at the suggestion Vane should captain the second ship, followed by "you're serious", and Gates doing damage control in a very restrained tone at first, then the second time screaming insults at Flint... just... *chef's kiss*

- Rackham is shown to be incredibly devious and persuasive in this episode. He manages to convince Gates to convince Flint to take on his worst enemy as a work partner (in a moment when he's getting into Gates' head, he goes as far as to imitate his Yorkshire accent!). He's also extremely aware that Vane isn't all that interested in money, but definitely interested in what Eleanor will think of him. I’d also note that if someone is callous about Max in this episode, it’s him: he sends Vane to “deal with her”, expecting him to kill her off.

- As much as we know that Flint's "tough captain" behaviour is partly an act, we tend to forget that Vane is also shown to be keeping up appearances in order to remain a leader of an extremely difficult/unruly crew. I didn't address the punch in the face he gives Eleanor in ep 1, but he explicitly says this was to avoid losing face in front of his men after she punched him. The same goes for the capture/beating/rape of Max: "what you did required an answer", he tells her. But then chooses to secretly set her free rather than rape/kill her as he’s expected to do. He's obviously smitten with Eleanor, and is the one who initiates tender moments after sex. This is why I can never really dislike this ship, because it's between two very damaged people who are at odds mostly because they’re in a power struggle where they each have to look strong/powerful.

- I hate hate hate the whole Max-rape plot, as I'm sure most of the fandom also does. I do get that Max is furious with Eleanor, and possibly extra-furious because Eleanor instantly turns saving Max from Vane's crew into a strategic move where she punishes Vane (ironically, the one who wanted to let Max go) by forcing Vane’s crew into joining Flint, rather than focusing on, say, Max’s wellbeing. But "Max wants to hurt Eleanor/is hurting from the breakup so badly that she willingly submits to being raped/beaten by the crew, AGAIN"... hrm. I have trouble connecting this self-destructive side of Max's personality with the character we see after her ordeal. Again, opinions welcome because I may be missing/misunderstanding something, but I feel like the writers didn’t really know what they were doing with her character at this point.