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#And are afraid that the people they work for are out to get them. Reasonably so.
justmeinadaze · 3 days
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Secret Underneath Part 6 (Steddie X Plus Size Reader)
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A/N: No cliffhanger this time, I promise <3.
Warning: Older (Mid thirties) Sugar Daddies Steve and Eddie/ Young (Early to mid 20s) Baby Fem Plus Size Reader, No smut in this one today, ladies and lads. I didn't feel like it worked with this chapter. I was going to make this one long chapter but I thought it better to split it :)
ANGST, Y/N confronts them about the events of the last chapter. Insecurities get in the way of them and that is explored a lot more in this chapter with mentions of their dads as well as Gina hurting them. She is sullying their image by saying lies (mentions verbal abuse and comments on how the plus size reader is "probably being used" by them because of how she looks) , she does have an incident at a bar with a guy being a dick, they defend her.
Word Count: 4853
Series here/ Donate to Me :)
You broke a rule. 
You went on Google and searched for their lawyer’s information through news outlets spouting anything they could in regard to this case. After finding what you needed, you charged into the building and past a secretary who was shouting for you to come back as you opened the door to a conference room where many sets of eyes including their shocked expressions landed on you. 
“Excuse me, gentlemen, but I need a moment alone with these boys for a moment.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Wilson, she just stormed right past me—”
“No, no. It’s alright, Crystal. Um, let’s take a breather and we’ll be back in a moment.”
As soon as everyone had filed out, your angry eyes burned into them as you slid your phone across the table. 
“That thing hasn’t stopped going off since Gina released your names and quite frankly I’m afraid to look at it.”
“How did you find out where we were?”, Steve asked as he rose to his feet.
“I googled your lawyer’s name.”
“Well, so much for that promise.”, Eddie sassed as he leaned back in his chair. 
“And so much for your promise to take care of me!”, you screamed not caring if anyone heard. “Did you really fucking think that I could stay out of this?! Did you think after what she said people weren’t going to wonder and dig into why I was with you at that party?!”
“You wanted to go and we warned you of the risks of being seen with us.”
“Don’t you dare do that! Don’t you fucking dare place blame on me! I don’t care about being seen with you or if people know that we’re together! What I care about is my job, those kids, and you two!! How can I properly help and protect myself if I don’t have all the facts?! Do you know what she’s saying? She’s saying you two promised to take care of her if anything ever happened. That you were verbally aggressive with her and--”
“Yeah, Y/N, we’re aware of she’s claiming.”, the mogul growls. “Since you’re doing your own research did you go on her social medias? Oh, a lot of fun material there. Now that a fucking judge allowed her to talk about us she’s been posting nonstop about how Eddie would demean her and make her feel ugly. That I apparently offered her money to get plastic surgery to make her look ‘perfect’.”, he sarcastically laughs. 
“You should have told me.”
“Because you think we did what she claims?”
“No, Eddie! Fuck, so I can prepare. What if parents suddenly feel like I can’t teach their kids because of the company I keep? What if the school decides that my association with you isn’t worth the attention? Now that this has come to light I need to be aware of what’s going on!”
Neither man said a thing infuriating you more. 
“Did you not tell me because you thought I wouldn’t want to be with you? Or did you think I’d hurt you like she did?” You laugh as you shake your head. “Jesus. I thought you two were different but you’re just like every other scared little boy. I thought I had given you enough reason to trust me but I guess not.”
“Yeah so why don’t you fucking leave then, you little brat.”
You weren’t sure if they saw it in your eyes but you definitely felt your heart break. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you back away towards the door. 
“I’m so stupid.”
When your teary eyes met theirs, you could tell Steve regretted his words but he couldn’t take them back. They couldn’t take any of this back. Furiously, you reach into your pocket and throw their apartment key across the table before leaving the way you came. 
##############
Instagram:
IHateithere: “Oh my god. Poor Gina!”
NeverHave_IEver13: “She’s so sweet and deserves better.”
CorrodedGirl28: “Fuck Gina Frost. This isn’t the first time she’s made claims against a partner! I met Eddie Munson backstage at one of his concerts and he was so sweet.”
E!News: Mystery Woman seen at the Charity Event with Steven Harrington and Edward Munson has been cited by the men’s lawyers as ‘just a friend.’
Twitter:
ElderEmoKid91: That poor friend of theirs. No matter what people will think they dated because of Gina. 
ChaosRains: ‘Their friend’? Yeah right. Probably as much of a whore as Gina Frost!
JusticefortheUnheard: I bet if this was a man with two women he’d be slated as a ‘hero’ but because it’s a woman with two men she’s a whore. Grow up!
Steve Harrington: Eddie and I are saddened to hear that not only has our privacy been violated but Gina Frost is allowed to continue spreading her lies until we get this matter resolved. We never once raised a voice or hand to her and took care of her like any boyfriend would which she constantly took advantage of…
Steve Harrington: In regard to the young lady that came with us to charity event last Saturday, she is a friend we’ve known for a while. We ask politely that you respect her privacy as what is going on between us and Gina…
Steve Harrington: doesn’t involve her. Thank you for your understanding and we will speak more on this situation when we are finally able.
TMZ: Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson release joint statement regarding ‘friend’ and how they feel about Frost ‘spreading her lies’!
YouTube and TV:
CBS: “Gina Frost, thank you so much for speaking with us today. Before we let you go, what are your thoughts on the young lady they were seen with? Do you have any advice for her in regard to Mr. Harrington and Mr. Munson?”
“Run, girl. Get as far away from them as you can. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started ‘hanging out’ with a girl like her because of our case. They always wanted me to be perfect. To look like the woman they thought would be equal to them and their status. She’s the complete opposite of what they wanted me to be so dating, or excuse me, being friends with her makes them look good.”
***
You wiped the tears that fell with your knee as you browse Daddies on your computer. Your phone was still dinging constantly so you kept it hidden in your bedside table drawer. Since winter break had started you didn’t have to deal with work and for that you were thankful. 
Your identity hadn’t been officially confirmed but it seemed to be common knowledge at this point; everyone knew it was you. 
Not wanting to be alone, you ran home into your parent’s open arms. 
“Baby! Are you ok? What’s going on? Tell us everything.”
“I’m so stupid, mom.”, you cried.
“No, you’re not, honey. Come on. I made some coffee. Let’s sit down and talk.”
You told them everything minus the exact way you met them but you did tell them that you had been dating them both and how much you cared about them. When you were met with nothing but love and zero judgement, you cried harder. 
Having fully settled in, you felt yourself getting antsy. After everything, you didn’t want a new relationship, just something casual but after having been with the guys you felt yourself cringing more and more at the stupid flirting that hit you. 
“’Sup, pretty girl? Fuck your gorgeous. Wanna suck my cock?”
“Hey babe. You got an attitude? I bet I can fuck it out of you.”
“What are you doing, Y/N?”
Your head straightened at the message from Mogul/Rockstar. You hadn’t heard from them in over two weeks. What were they doing on this site? You couldn’t help the jealousy that flowed through you even though technically you were on the site first. 
2:13am: What do you want, Steve?
2:14am: I want an answer to my question. What are you doing on this site again?
2:15am: What are YOU doing on here?! And why do you fucking care? You told me to leave remember?
2:17am: We’ve been calling you for the past couple of weeks but you don’t answer. We got worried. Steve thought maybe we could reach you through here but I thought naw. She wouldn’t get back on here so fast. Guess we were wrong. 
2:20am: Don’t you dare, Eddie. Don’t you turn this around on me. You have no idea what I’ve been through! I still can’t believe you didn’t talk to me. You really expected me to sit at my apartment while you handled all this alone. Did you really think she wouldn’t pull me into your thing?”
2:21am: Now because of all the secrecy I can’t help but think what I’m hearing is true!
2:22am: Like what? 
2:25am: Answer. Like what?
2:26am: That you only dated me so it seems like you didn’t want her to be the ‘ideal woman’.
You hear your phone vibrate against the drawer it’s nestled. 
2:28am: Answer the phone.
2:28am: No.
2:29am: Now, Y/N. We need to talk.
2:30am: Oh now you want to talk!? Go fuck yourselves!
2:30am: Mogul/Rockstar has invited you to a video chat!!
2:31am: CurveybabywAttitude declined your invitation to video chat. 
2:32am: Y/N. Answer the fucking phone. 
2:38am: Y/N, sweetheart, please.
2:44am: Baby…
2:44am: Please…
2:45am: We love you. 
2:45am: So much.
Uh oh! It looks like this Baby can no longer receive messages from Mogul/Rockstar! This means you have either been blocked or the Baby has deleted their account. 
###################
“Jesus what assholes.”, your best friend sighs as she takes a sip from her glass. “If they loved you then why did they push you away?”
“I don’t know, My. Let’s stop talking about them and dance!”
To get your mind off everything and let go, you met up with your best friend who took you to a new bar that had been built while you were away from home. Dressed in your tightest black dress and black heels, you grabbed your own drink and danced away the pain. 
Your friend took photos, tagging you together with men in the background casually touching your arm or waist. Your limbs found their way around a cute boy you had been talking casually to and allow him to kiss you. You hated the taste, missing Eddie and Steve even more but you pushed down the feeling as you pulled him tighter against you. 
“Take me home.”, you slurred, making the young man immediately jump to his feet. When you tried to do the same you fell backwards. 
“Whoa, Y/N. Maybe, you should let me take you home.”
“Naw, Mya. I-I-I M’fine.”, you assured as you lightly pushed her to the side and stumbled out the front door. When you tripped again the man wrapped your arm around his neck and began leading you to his car. “Wait—Wait. I’m…I need a minute.”, you whine as you take a seat on the brick wall behind you.
“Come on, baby. You can rest at my place.”, the man cooed in your ear causing you to cringe. “Look we don’t even have to go. We can just fuck in my car real quick—”
“Oh, that’s romantic.”
As you stood up and started to walk away, he grabbed your wrist a bit to roughly and in return, you smacked his cheek before stumbling to the concrete. 
“Ow! Fucking bitch—” As the man began to step forward, someone intercepted, abruptly grabbing his collar and lifting him off his feet. 
“Eddie, let it go, man. Not right now.”, Steve whispers before kneeling down beside you to try and help you up. 
“Get out of my sight.”, the rockstar growls, pushing him away from you. 
“Y/N, stop. I’m just trying to help you stand—”
“I don’t need your fucking help!”, you shouted as you shoved his hand away. “I don’t need anything from you!” 
Trying to push up onto your knees, you became dizzy and fell over again causing Steve to try and steady you while blocking your shoulder from scraping the wall beside you. Your hair was blocking your face but when they heard you sniffle, Eddie crouched down to balance on his heels and tenderly reached out to move some of it behind your ear. 
“I did everything you asked… I didn’t push when it came to your past or dig into your information online. I-I-I respected the anon-ymity and privacy when we first met and took a leap of faith going to that party with you. I flew to visit you anywhere you were and didn’t complain when you were gone for weeks at a time. I made myself vulnerable…for you…but still…you don’t trust me.”
“Y/N, sweetheart, we are so sorry—”
“I want to go home, please, Daddy.”
The way you said that shattered them in two. Just in your voice alone they could hear how much pain you were in yet even in your inebriated state you still yearned for them. Selfishly, it gave them hope.
“Y/N, sweetie! There you are.”, your best friend shouts in relief as she runs to you and helps you to your feet. “Get the fuck away from her. Haven’t you done enough damage?!”
“We just want to talk to her.”
“Fuck you! You had your chance to talk and—”
“Mya, please. Sleepy.”, you whine. 
When she tries to lead you away from them towards her car, you stumble over your feet again but Eddie swiftly catches you and lifts you into his arms. 
“We’ll help you get her to your car.”
“Why? So you know which one is mine and follow me back to her house?!”
“No, so we can help you get her situated and back home so she can rest.”, Steve growled. 
Mya blinks, taken a back slightly by their protective demeanors over you. After taking a moment, she finally nods and guides them towards her vehicle, watching carefully as they place you in the passenger seat. The mogul buckles your seatbelt and gently puts your bag in your lap.
Your half-lidded eyes scan his worried face as your head lulls towards him. 
“M’not her.”
“Who, honey?”
“Gina.”
Flashing you a soft smile, he begins to reach out to pet your head before forcing himself to stop and rise to his feet.
“We’re staying at the hotel by the highway; room 118. When she wakes up tomorrow, if you could tell her that, we’d appreciate it.”, Eddie conveys as his sad eyes stay on you. 
“Your fuckers, you know that?”, Mya shouts their way as they start to leave. “Like so much so that I don’t even know where to begin. She used to call me every other day and talk about these new guys she was seeing. She never told me your full names but she told me everything else. ‘Oh Mya, they are so sweet and funny. Steve is amazing at his job and works to hard to make sure everything gets done while still being able to be there for me. I love watching Eddie play on stage. He gets so into the songs and his face lights up when he hears the fans singing along. Falling asleep in their arms is my new favorite place. I finally feel safe.’”
“When the news dropped, I called her but she didn’t answer. I wasn’t worried at the time because the way she described you, I thought ‘Thankfully, they have her and she has them.’ Then she came home and told me about you expecting her to hide in her apartment with zero information on what was happening. How you yelled at her and called her a fucking brat when she called you out.”
“Oh, and the icing on the cake? You tell her you love her for the first time over a dating website AFTER ALL THIS BULLSHIT YOU PUT HER THROUGH! Holden wore his asshole behavior out in the open for all to see. You made her believe you were different, leading her on before breaking her heart. After the stuff I read, I’m starting to believe Gina Frost.”
Both men absorbed what your best friend was saying, different emotions painting their features before finally landing on anger; not at her but themselves. 
“Your right.”, Steve replied in a sullen tone. “We fucked up. Hell, we did more than fuck up…”
“We’ve never cared about anyone the way we do her and that terrifies us. Not just because of our status or who we are even though that’s why Gina used us but…”, Eddie added. “The men underneath the fame and money are incredibly flawed.”
“Gina made us afraid of her hurting us but our own personal bullshit made us afraid of hurting her.”
“So this is better?”, Mya asked.
“My…where…where your phone?”, you slurred as your hand lazily reached in her direction.
“Y/N, I’m taking you back to your mom’s, honey, you don’t know need to call them.”
“No…not mom…Eddie…Steve…I need to make dem come back. They were here an’ an’…”
“How about you call them tomorrow morning, ok? It’s really late and—”
“I don’t want dem to leave again. Mya…please…”
“Hey, hey sweetheart, we’re right here. We haven’t gone anywhere.” Tears start to run down your cheeks again and the rockstar cups your face in his hand. “We’re right here and we’ll be here when you wake up. Just let Mya, take you home and get you in bed. Tomorrow you can call us and we’ll talk then alright?”
After you nod, Eddie adjusts your body again before closing the door. 
“You guys should get going.”
“Do you really love her?”, your best friend asks.
“Yes.”
Again, Mya takes a moment to gather her thoughts as her eyes shift between your now sleeping frame and them. 
“Her parents house isn’t far. You can follow me there.”
***
“Why are they here?”, your father asks in an annoyed tone as he eyes the men up and down. 
“It’s ok, Mr. Y/L/N. They just wanted to help get her situated and then they’ll be on their way.”, Mya answers in equal measure. 
“Is her room up here?”, Eddie inquires as he gestures towards the stairs. 
“Why don’t you come with us so you can get her changed into something comfier.”, Steve follows when your friend nods. 
“Why? You’re her whatevers right?”
“I don’t think it would be appropriate right now for us to do that.”
“I can help you.”, your mom responds out of nowhere. “Come on, gentlemen.”
After they get to your room, your mother turns on your bedside lamp as Eddie gently places you down on your bed. Taping the rockstars shoulder, she hands him an oversized shirt with your college insignia on it and some shorts. 
“Maybe you should…”
“I trust you, Mr. Munson. Plus I’m right here.” Her eyes studiously watch them as both boys work to change you out of your tight garment doing everything they could to not have to look at your body. Steve’s palm carefully cradled your head to make sure they didn’t jostle you around too much as you soundly slept. 
“Do you have a washrag or wipe or something for her makeup?”
Her head tilts at his question, impressed he even thought of that. Disappearing into your restroom, she came back with wet wipes, and Eddie thanked her as he took one and gently cleaned your face.
This was a bit harder to accomplish without moving you as your face scrunched and you whined. 
“Steve…stop…”
“That’s it, sweetheart. Blame him. That way if I don’t do this correctly it will be his fault.”, he teased making you sleepily giggle. 
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”, Eddie whispers.
“Thank you, ma’am, for letting us do this. We just wanted to make sure she got here safely.”
“Hm. You wanted to make sure she got back home in one piece but didn’t think to do that when it came to all this chaos you brought her into?”, you mom scolded as she folded her arms. 
“We did warn her—”
“No Mr. Harrington. You may have warned her about your lifestyle but you didn’t do anything to protect her when the fallout of that lifestyle presented itself. Holden ‘warned’ her about what life in New York would be like but when things got hard he abandoned her instead working with her. Like him, you left her alone.”
Nodding, their heads hung as they began to head towards the door before stopping. 
“I’m afraid.”, Eddie announces. “My mom died when I was young, my dad went to jail, people around me told me I’d never amount to anything, and then our ex did what she did. When we met Y/N, fuck, I thought she was perfect… and that scares me. I don’t want to lose her but I also don’t want to be the reason that spark inside of her dies.”
“Seems like a lose/lose, Eddie. But let me ask you something… what if your relationship with her had a happy ending? What if she didn’t hurt you like your ex and you don’t hurt her like people in your life?” She smiles softly as she pats his shoulder. “It’s a risk, boys, but you just need to decide who is worth taking that risk for. You’re more than welcome to stay in our spare bedroom if you would like.”
####################
When you woke up the next morning, you had a splitting headache, thankful that your pain reliever was still in your drawer by your bed. The sound of soft breathing startled you a bit and when you leaned over your bedframe, you were surprised to see Eddie asleep on your floor using his jacket as a pillow. Steve had placed himself in the reading chair you had in the corner with his head leaning against the wall. 
You didn’t realize how much you missed them till you saw their faces and you took the opportunity to refamiliarize yourself as your eyes scanned over them. The mogul was in jeans and a polo making you smile softly while silently missing the sleek suits that hugged him perfectly. The rockstar was still dressed the same as he usually was but his whole demeanor even while sleeping seemed heavy. 
Your heart broke for them until the last couple of weeks caught up with you and you remembered why you were here. 
Reaching for one of your pillows, you threw it their way, hitting Eddie’s chest before it bounced and hit Steve’s lap. 
“The fuck?”, he grumbled as he rubbed his eyes. 
“The fuck indeed. Why are you both here? How did you even know where I was?”
“Your best friend was posting pictures of you and tagging your location on Instagram. You weren’t answering your phone—”
“Yeah, Steve, for a reason. That doesn’t give you the right to come down here.”
“Thank God we did because some asshole was harassing you and Mya was having trouble getting you to her car to take you home.”
“No, Eddie. You playing hero doesn’t absolve you of what you did. You have no idea what I’ve been through!”
“We tried to call—”
“Oh, fuck you both!” As you start to get up to yell at them, a sharp sting runs through knee causing you to wince and sit back down. 
“Shit. Didn’t see that last night. Um, do you have a first kit or anything thing?”
When you don’t answer, the mogul goes on the hunt himself as Eddie kneels in front of you to look at the scrape on your knee. 
“Yeah, you fell on the concrete outside of the bar with some asshole trying to… I told him to fuck off.” Sitting on the bed beside you, Steve opens the little white box and starts to open a Band-Aid before his friend stops him. “Dude, you have to clean it first. It’s like you’ve never been in a fight before. Gimme this.”, he chuckles lightly as he takes the box and pulls out the antiseptic.
“You don’t have to do this. I’m not… I don’t belong to you anymore.”
His movements only halt for a second before Eddie continues taking care of you. 
“I don’t mind doing this. I like taking care of you.”, he murmurs. “Unless you want me to stop.”
“I don’t want you to but I didn’t want you to cast me aside either.”
“We—”
“Don’t say you didn’t, Steve, because you did.”
“We did.” His response surprised you as you turned your head in his direction. “We talked to your mom last night. She’s a very wise woman.”, he smirks as he watches Eddie continue his task. “Y/N, I worked so hard to get where I am and I don’t just mean taking over my dad’s company and doing the deals I do. When I was growing up, I was never enough for either of my parents but especially my father. In his eyes, I could always be just a little bit better.”
“I could shorten my time by one more second in the pool or get one more minute on the court. My grades could have been one point higher or I could have gotten three grand more out of a deal. He wanted me to be perfect but I learned after I graduated high school that bar was always changing.” When his eyes finally met yours, you saw the pain behind them. “Gina knew all this… that’s why she’s saying that about me. She knows it hurts me…people thinking I’m like my father.”
Eddie finishes placing the Band-aid on your skin and leans back against the wall across from you.
“My dad was a dick…to me and my mother. He cut us down all the time verbally but after she died it got worse. He would tell me I was stupid and a freak just like the people in our town. I left my house with more bruises than I could count on numerous occasions but his words, babe. I carry those everywhere even now. I never once, no matter how angry I was, called her anything demeaning even though I fucking wanted to. She would call us every name in the book but we never once belittled her or laid a hand on her.”
“When we met you, Jesus, I swear there was no girl we had ever met like you.”
“Beautiful, sarcastic, kind, understanding…”, Steve clarified when your eyebrows furrowed. “Y/N, you are everything we’ve ever wanted.”
“Stop…”, you whimper quietly. 
“I feel like somehow she knows that. That’s why she’s saying that stuff about us choosing you because you’re everything she’s not. We wouldn’t change anything about you. Not one thing, princess. But we are so fucking scared of getting hurt again.”
“And we’re afraid of hurting you.”
“That’s not fair.”
“What isn’t fair, honey?”
“Do you think trusting you was easy after what Holden did to me? I upended everything I knew to follow him and he broke my heart. I was terrified of starting over in any relationship let alone with two people but I got to know you and allowed myself to be vulnerable for you… you should be able to do that for me to.”
“You’re right, baby, and we are so sorry. We’re willing to try.”, Eddie pleaded as he leaned up to grab your hands. “We don’t even have to be in a relationship again or do anything sexual. We can start slow and go from there. We just miss you so much, Y/N. The way you smell, your sense of humor, the way you play with my hair when we’re lying in bed or watching tv.”
“The way you listen to us when we talk even if it’s about work.”, Steve chimes in. “Your cute little laugh and the way you wrap your arms around me like you haven’t seen me in years when it’s only been a few hours.”
“Ah good morning, gentlemen and my hung over child. How are we today?”, your mother teases as she grins your way. 
“We’re fine thank you but if you could lower your voice a smidge that would be nice.”, you sass back making her chuckle as both men grin softly. 
“Your dad made breakfast if you and your guests are hungry. Just don’t throw it up or you’ll hurt his feelings.”
You smile as you playfully wave her off before turning your attention back to them. 
“Do you have to go back home for work or anything?”
“No, ma’am. We’re all yours.”
“Unless you want us to go back home.”, Eddie adds with sad inflection in his voice hoping and praying that you don’t. 
“Ok… I’m going to change and then head downstairs. You, um, you should stay for breakfast. Knowing my father, if my mom told him you were staying he probably poisoned something but…I’m sure you’ll be fine.”, you joke as you get up and head towards your closet, tossing them a little wink before collecting some clothes and closing the bathroom door. 
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@aol19 @paradisepoisons  @paleidiot @dashingdeb16
@lilaclazer @joannamuns9n @thwippyparker @emotionaldreamer
@aactuaaltraash @alastorssimp @mygirlchaos @starksbabie @imagine-all-the-imagines @nailbatanddungeon
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winstonsns · 3 days
Note
Could you do the gangs types? 🙏
(Love your writing btw!!)
the gang and their types (request)
authors note: thank youu, i’m happy you like my writing! sorry it’s short, ill try and make the next request longer 💗
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includes ponyboy, johnny, soda, darry, dally, two-bit and steve
word count: 1.1k
warnings: cussing
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PONYBOY CURTIS
pony likes someone who can both yap and listen, he enjoys hearing you talk about things and how you get excited and smile, but he also loves talking to you and ranting, he appreciates someone who can listen to when he gets really excited over small things or in general
one of the first things he looks for in a person is their intelligence, if one is smarter than the other then he wouldn’t want to feel stupid or you to feel bad that you’re not as smart as him
he prefers studying together if the both of you are at the same level and classes in school
that way the two of you can have in depth conversations that he can’t have with others because they don’t know as much as he does
JOHNNY CADE
he always felt like he needed emotional support so if you can provide that for him, he’s all over you
along with someone who shows affection in public and isn’t ashamed, whether it’s complimenting him, hugging him or giving him gifts
johnny extremely values people who are loyal to him, someone who won’t leave at the first sense of danger or sadness, instead tries to work out the problem and continue communicating
he gets nervous when confrontation is involved, but communicating lets him know you care and love him, because if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t talk to him about whatever’s bothering you
johnny loves someone who is respectful of boundaries, he never really knew how to make his own because he never had them in the first place, his parents didn’t care enough to restrict him from doing anything
so if you notice he’s uncomfortable with something you’re or someone else is doing, you’ll stop or tell them to stop and he’ll love you even more
SODAPOP CURTIS
soda likes people who are good listeners and pick up on little details, like an observer
he just wants people to realize that he has problems too and wants to be listened to, someone who will check up on him randomly or if he looks sad
if you’re a naturally encouraging and grateful person, basically a bubbly happy person, then you have a huge chance that he’ll like you
he tries to be around people who make life a lot easier and happier, someone who gives him something to look forward to the next day and a reason to keep living
soda isn’t that picky about his type and values personality way more than looks
he loves someone who is upbeat, he doesn’t care if someone gets annoyed because he loves being around you
DARRY CURTIS
darry loves someone who is very patient, he can get very occupied sometimes because of work and basically raising his brothers, so it’s very time consuming and he’d love it if his partner is patient
also if you help him out with pony and soda, like buying groceries or making them food or simply taking them places, although he’ll feel bad that he’s not doing the work, he’ll appreciate whatever you do for him or his siblings
he likes it if you cherish the time you and him have together because it’s so little, so quality time is very important to him
whenever the two of you have time, the both of you will try to work something out that the both of you like, so if you’re good at compromising then he likes that
that way the two of you can do what you want but together
DALLAS WINSTON
he really appreciates someone who can stand up for themselves, basically an assertive person who isn’t afraid to express what they want and stuff
dally makes a lot of mistakes so he wants someone who is forgiving, he can get frustrated though if you don’t forgive him immediately
but he hates apologizing first and sees it as a weakness, he learns his lesson after you don’t talk to him for a few days, he struggles to say sorry but he gets it across
if you’re brutally honest like him, he will fucking love you, the two of you might disagree on things but you hardly ever lie to each other
if you say something like, “that was a bit rude, dal, not his fault that you didn’t like the milkshake.” so he’ll sigh and roll his eyes, apologizing to you and saying he’ll try not to do it again
he obviously does it again but tries not to do that type of stuff around you, he doesn’t want you to be upset at him or with yourself for not doing anything
TWO-BIT MATTHEWS
keith loves someone who has the same sense of humor as him, if he tells a joke or insults someone and you come up with something funnier or more insulting, he’s head over heels
another thing he really loves is someone who’s good with kids, like they get along and can take care of kids
especially if the kids go out of their way to see you and they can tell you have a good heart, he loves that
same goes with animals, like they have a sense of intuition whether or not some is a safe person to be around, so if animals go to you then they feel safe
STEVE RANDLE
he likes someone who is respectful of others, specifically boundaries and is very careful not to cross them
also someone who sees the good and bad side of everything, if you try to see others perspectives then he’ll really appreciate it
that way he knows you’re caring of not only yourself and your friends, but people you don’t know either
he loves it if someone is protective of him but not to the point where he can’t do anything on his own, he can handle himself very well and you both know that, but if you’re protective then he knows you’d do a lot to keep him safe
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authors note: pretty sure i have three full days left of school. i’m excited to write more yayyy!! sorry if you requested something and i haven’t answered it yet, i answer in order of who requested first. sorry this took a while!!
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blacclotusss · 1 day
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Don't Be Afraid, Just Start the Tape
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Starting off strong, I want to discuss the argument between Louis and Armand. This, in my opinion, is where everything fell apart. It's just them going back and forth hitting each other in the jugular and it made me want to rip my hair out just hearing it. I, personally, have always hated when things like that get thrown up in arguments so that's my own personal bias. Just hearing Louis throw back the CSA in Armand's face and Armand throwing Paul's suicide, Grace leaving him, and his history with Lestat back up brought me to tears almost. It really sucks that these two felt that they had to resort to these things, but that's the tragedy of it all.
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But, for some reason, I think Armand was more hurt that Louis called him dull and boring. My belief is that it hit harder because being boring and dull to Louis means he goes out to look for more exciting things and people, leaving Armand home all night. He doesn't want to lose Louis and the first ounce of real love that he's experienced, so he was taken aback by that. Louis walking out into the sun wasn't much of a surprise to me, but I think him doing it at that moment was. I would have expected a suicide attempt back in Paris, or even in Dubai, but not in San Francisco. I do understand now that the story has unfolded. 
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I think Louis has just had enough of it all, talking about it with Daniel who kind of brushed it off in his intoxicated state and his argument with Armand only fuels that. He wants to be with Claudia, she's the one that he says is calling him, and if dying is how he's going to get to meet her again, then so be it. Now, the whole situation with Armand leaving Louis on that bed to suffer while he begs for relief definitely rubbed me the wrong way. Louis no longer has Claudia to nurse him back to health, as she did when he was dropped, so he has no choice but to rely on Armand and that sucks. Armand is in here torturing Daniel while he leaves Louis to holler and yell for him, that's so messed up. Even going as far as to contact Lestat and relay messages from him to Louis, and omitting some things. The psychological abuse at play here is crazy to think about.
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I also want to talk about the power balance that has been discussed as well. Yes, Louis is able to express himself a bit more and in a different way in his relationship with Armand. They have an understanding of each other and what the other needs and their roles and positions switch based on what one needs at that moment. The whole Arun/Maitre thing is really working in Armand's favor more, in my personal opinion. He knows just how to push enough to get Louis to fall in line with that. You can see that towards the end when Armand calls Louis maitre after all he said. He's all of a sudden asking Louis to lead after everything that has happened, after Louis had to beg, and Louis will happily oblige in order to keep the peace between them. I wonder in what other instances has this happened before. We see Louis trying to keep Armand from falling off of the deep end while he, himself, is the one sitting in the coffin burned and charred begging for blood. So curious as to how this will all unfold in the coming episodes, I know Dubai will be a madhouse just as much as Paris. 
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Aside from the analysis of relationships and arguments, this episode was amazing. The styling choices in both the filming and wardrobe were superb. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this was Jacob and Assad's first episode they shot. It had to be funny to go from this to all the sweet lovey dovey stuff in the earlier episodes. I want to hear them talk about this more. Also, the SFX makeup was amazing! Much love to everyone involved with that! And it was nice to finally see Luke! He played that part so well. This and episode two are my absolute favorites so far. I wonder what's to come next in Dubai... 
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jianhue · 1 day
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Information about William !! (Moral Orel oc)
Stuff you should know !
1. My English is HORRIBLE. I don't have the greatest vocabulary so most of my sentences are repetitive
2. His information might change over time.
3. Uhh idk if this needs any warning but there is some topics about trauma and stuff so watch out for that
4. This is written informally lol
5. I made this around midnight, there's some mistakes
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Text form:
Basic information:
Name: William Boltspin
Age: 36
Occupation: Psychologist
Height: 5’11
Habits: over analysing people’s small gestures, thinking out loud, tripping on nothing when nervous, fidgeting, freezing when in put into a tight spot
Hobbies: Reading, watching stuff go down
Introduction:
Will is introduced as a new person in town. He recently moved in, and since nobody was willing to show him around, Orel did. But in a typical Moral Orel episode, something happens. In the good will of Orel, he shared a little too much. This kind of scared Will out, but he still stayed in the town. Mostly because he was fascinated by how the town was old-school. At first, he got along with the townspeople, but they soon realised they had different principles and ideals.
Seeing how he wasn't really attending the daily sermons, Orel took it upon himself to invite him to church. Will isn't really the type to go to church daily, but seeing how everyone was going and how eager Orel was to get him to attend the sermons, he started attending daily too. After an episode focusing on his move, he became a typical side character, only showing up on screen for a few scenes or just in the background.
Show appearances:
During season 1, aside from his little worries and complaints about the children in town having too much freedom, Will is seen acting fairly normal. He's been seen in church, walking to the doctor’s office, etc. Most of his appearance is just him passing by; sometimes he gives out advice that is a bit too vague.
In season 2, his concerns grow, and he starts to disagree with some of the other characters. He doesn’t get along with Reverend Putty much, but he does tolerate him. Will offers to babysit some of the children, mostly doughy or shapey. It’s mostly because he sees signs of neglect. Unfortunately, he does have work of his own, so he isn’t always there for them.
Upon learning about his profession, some started to doubt his faith. He still attends church even with people talking about him, and his only reason is because of Orel. Will does try to correct the behaviour of some people, but when he gets a bad response (which happens every time), he takes it back. Sometimes, mostly by accident, he does the same thing he criticises people for. Telling people not to yell in front of children or to not show any bad behaviour they can pick up.
He still bonds and gives some proper advice to Orel, but makes sure to keep him at arm's length. He’s afraid of being dragged into the things Orel does. But in an episode, he finally had the courage to join Orel. He follows him around and secretly does things so they avoid trouble. But of course, trouble does happen. Before Orel was taken to Clay’s study room, they made eye contact. Will felt responsible since he was an adult and he was around Orel the whole time. Even though he felt immense guilt, he was still too afraid to intervene. He mouthed the words “I’m sorry, Orel.” In the end, he became a bystander. Something he wished he never would be.
Season 3 is where Will’s mental health starts to deteriorate. He feels guilty for being so hypocritical. Feeling responsible for kids he isn’t even related to has taken a toll on him. Other adults also started to vent out their problems to him at the bar, hoping for some advice from Will.
His last scene is Orel finding him sitting at an alley next to Forghetty’s Bar. Will was drunk and cried to Orel about everything he hated, even calling Clay a bastard right in front of him. After that furious rant he calmed down and started muttering about how he “didn’t want to be like this” and that he’s sorry for being such a horrible person, a bystander, a hypocrite, a coward, a person he can’t rely on. He picks up his glasses and apologises before realising who he was dumping all his problems to. It was Orel. A child. He remembers his promise to himself, never burden a child with your problems. Not even as an accident. Not knowing what to do, he just froze and cried.
After that scene, Will would be seen avoiding children. He’s seen more often in the bar, mostly in the background or puking at the corner.
Upbringing:
As a kid, Will would be told to turn a blind eye to things that were not his business. Around his teenage years, he would witness a violent crime, but instead of helping, he just pretended he didn’t see anything and walked away. The person would later be found dead. Will couldn’t take it; he felt extreme guilt, blaming himself for not saving them or even just calling the police.
His mother also had violent outbursts, venting her problems to her son. He felt responsible for her, so he just took everything. Beatings, berating, everything. Will basically took care of her. His mother was a very judgmental woman, whispering to him about people around his neighbourhood. Will gaslights himself to think that it’s just his mother’s way of showing concern and affection. When he finished college, his mother passed away. He never actually bothered to find his father because his mother told him, “It’s not worth finding that bastard of a man." Will just followed what his mother said. But in the end, his own mother’s last words were, “I fucking hate that face of yours. You’re a spitting image of that fucking bastard.”
He already knew his mother actually hated him. He just denied it. But hearing it straight from her just made him lose it. Will swore to never treat a child like his mother did to him.
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princesssascha · 1 day
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Summer Glow Up Action Plan (1/3 - Health)
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As I mentioned in my previous post, we are going to have the best summer of our lives.
I was depressed for years, but during the summer, in just 2 months I became truly unrecognisable.
I did it unintentionally, but I believe I cracked the code to glowing up insanely fast. That is, if you're willing to get out of your comfort zone for a few weeks. But what's worse? Being uncomfortable for 2 months doing something that is good for you OR suffering for years? I'll let you answer that for yourself.
Thanks to my experience I made an action plan to make this summer even better and I'd love to do it together with YOU.
1. Mental Health
If your soul is shattered, your body will reflect that. By taking care of your mind you will automatically want to take care of yourself in every other way. Not because you think you're not pretty enough or smart enough, but because you deserve to be healthy and educated.
Get out of your comfort zone
Whatever that is. Last year I went abroad all by myself. I was so insecure about my English and I was soo socially awkward, but I did it. And when I tell you it was the most special feeling in the world. It was stressful at first, but I came back as a new person. I think it was the main factor that contributed to my mental glow up.
Obviously, you don't have to travel to a different country to glow up, but think about what's something you'd like to try that you're afraid to do. Maybe it's bungee jumping, going out to a restaurant alone, coming up to someone on the street. It is supposed to make you uncomfortable, it's called exposure therapy and it is really one of the best things that I have ever stumbled across.
Meditate
It's popular for a reason. Quiet your mind, control your breathing. You can also do yoga, as it requires the same things as meditation, however you also get physical exercise! Start with 5-10 minutes a day and work your way up to whatevers comfortable for you. You can try guided meditation/yoga for beginners.
Go outside
There's a reason why people tell you it's so important.
First, you get physical exercise, you get fit, you get healthy and everyone's happy.
Like actually happy. Physical exercise (the kind you enjoy ofc!) and being outdoors is proven to be good for your mental health. So go out. You can go somewhere crowded or somewhere isolated like a forest. You can take your pet on a walk if you have one.
Self development content
Especially YouTube, I get that some people can't get themselves to read books, but nowadays there are so many ways to educate ourselves. I will mention this topic again in this post, but I love watching YouTubers that post self development & mindset videos.
My favourite YouTubers are:
TheWizardLiz,
Mae Alice Suzuki,
Tam Kaur
If you like reading I recommend Brianna West, she's incredible.
Affirmations
I am such a fan of affirmations! If you feel bad about yourself start affirming the opposite? You feel insecure? "I am confident" etc. You don't want to affirm out loud. You can do it in your mind or listen to affirmation tapes. Even if you don't feel like it's doing anything KEEP PERSISTING! Your mind will conform.
2. Physical Health
This chapter focuses on health, not beauty, although they are connected. If you're unhealthy you won't be that attractive, because we find health attractive. So here I'll share more advice on being healthier rather than getting a sexier body. Healthy>sexy because HEALTH is SEXY!!
Vitamins and supplements
You can't be healthy if you have a vitamin deficiency. Get a blood test and start taking supplements for what you need.
Here's a little cheat sheet, although please do your own research to be safe and be mindful of what dosage you can ingest!!
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Visit a doctor regularly!
If you are getting a disease it's important to diagnose it as soon as possible. In some cases it could save your life!
You need to go to your doctor at least once a year, but you should visit them at least twice a year and whenever you have any concerns. That includes a dentist, gynecologist, dermatologist etc. Although I understand not everyone has free healthcare and there are many reasons why it could be difficult for you to get there, at least go to one doctor once a year or when you suspect something is wrong.
Check up on yourself every month
Of course, you're not gonna go to the doctor every month, so it's important to do a little check up yourself every month. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- what does your skin look like?
Are there any new moles? Maybe some spots? Just because you have a mole doesn't mean it's dangerous, but a mole could turn into skin cancer, so please be careful! Here are a few tips for recognising if a mole is actually a melanoma:
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Melanoma is more likely the paler you are, but no matter what your skin color is you should always wear at least SPF30, although the higher the better. If sunscreens are too greasy for you or leave a whitecast I recommend Missha All-around safe block
Look at your skin, did anything strange appear? Something that wasn't there before? Don't forget about the inside of your mouth or between your toes. Although not very common, melanoma can also appear in your eye, in which case you need to contact a doctor ASAP!!
oral health
I don't think I need to tell you to wash your teeth, but I will still share some tips for those pretty teeth:
Oil pulling: get a spoonful of coconut oil and oil pull for 10-20 minutes. After that rinse your mouth thoroughly.
Wash your teeth for at least 2 minutes after every meal and after waking up, HOWEVER if you eat something acidic wait for at least 30 minutes until you wash your teeth. If you can't wash them rinse your mouth with water, but you should still wash them when you get home.
Use a tongue scraper! Like one of those steel/metal ones and scrape that bad boy. It is honestly disgusting how much bacteria sits on your tongue. There are also 2in1 tongue scrapers and flosses but it won't scrape anything off, so save your money. Also, only use flosses when necessary.
CHECK FOR CAVITIES!!
Seriously! I don't think it needs any explanation. Open your mouth and show your teeth. Look at how they look. If there's anything concerning contact your dentist.
skincare
Although it also suits the beauty part, what we find beautiful is just healthy. No skin conditions, clear glowy skin. What skin concerns do you have? Acne, hyperpigmentation, redness etc. Visit a dermatologist or find some skincare yourself, although do it carefully. Just because something is trendy doesn't mean it's good. Everyone's skin is different, so be mindful.
Also, there are different kinds of pimples, so check which types you have and how you can heal them. You can have just one or multiple kinds.
One universal thing: SPF! CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!
haircare
Just like with skincare, healthy hair is what we find beautiful. That's why I emphasize health so much. If you're healthy you are beautiful.
I won't talk about styling right now as it has nothing to do with health, but haircare is 80% of the job.
Is your hair greasy or dry? Keep in mind it can be both, your scalp could be greasy but your ends could be dry. Do you have thick hair or thin hair? Curly or straight? If you bleached your hair it means your hair is damaged (because it's dead), but your hair can be damaged nonetheless, so think about what you need and find products that were made for your concerns.
Learn how to wash your hair correctly. A lot of you guys don't know how to do it. Just because you rub shampoo on your head doesn't mean you're doing it right. And when you're not it could do more harm than good. I recommend theblowoutprofessor on YouTube, he explains it well.
Healthy eating
This is a pretty obvious one so I won't get into details, however if you guys want me to make a post dedicated to healthy eating lemme know in the comments!
Eat veggies and fruits, limit Ur sugar intake. Don't starve yourself, you'll have uncontrollable cravings and you'll get it all back.
move your body
Although good for you both mentally and physically, it's important to choose something you like. Here are my favourite forms of physical activity:
Dancing,
Yoga,
Pilates,
Walking,
Horse riding.
If you don't have a favourite right now, experiment. It doesn't have to be expensive, there are many sports that you can do at home with no equipment.
Try to move for at least 30 minutes/day.
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zoomclown · 2 months
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Gordon and Jon sure have a lot in common for two guys who have nothing in common
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masquenoire · 11 months
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Roman's last memory of his parents back when they were still alive were ones of fear, the difference being that this time it was they who were the ones that were afraid and not him. Furious at having caught him sleeping with the company's top model, Mrs. Sionis went to strike Roman, only for him to snap her wrist and send her flying into a nearby bookcase where her head was cut open by a sharp wooden corner. Roman was no longer a small child they could push around without consequences; at 17, he was already far too big for even Mr. Sionis to handle and the fear they showed that night was the push their son needed to know he was ready to kill them. He still remembers the sight of fear in their eyes, how powerful it made him feel. In his opinion, it was the first time they'd ever shown him the slightest damn bit of respect and even today, in his eyes, fear is respect.
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r1ghtwhereyouleftme · 4 months
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Me: I hate [insert thing here] discourse
Also me: *gets so annoyed when people are blatantly stupid and do things thay make zero sense therefore making me go along with discourse bc I can only handle so much stupidity*
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cannot-copia · 2 years
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just applied for the job i had during college and honestly it feels bad man
everyone I know is actually accomplishing things with their life, buying property, getting promotions, getting their masters etc
fuck, even my cousin who is several years younger than me and has very little to no college (aka doesn’t have student loan debt) just got a management position at a fortune 100 company and is now making more than 60k
And where am I now?
Couldn’t do my job at the big company I was supposed to work at, where I had insurance and got paid enough to actually pay for things
all I do now is feeding horses and basically just putting them in different places 4 hours a day 6 days a week for less than what I made ever since I started working and living off that and what’s left of what I had accumulated in my 401k at my old job (that im gonna have to pay thousands of taxes on for taking it out too early im sure) and therefore fucking myself over for the future- everyone always says start young well I did and I’m too fucking useless to function without wanting to remove my skin apparently so I fucked that up
And yeah it was just an online application so I don’t know how likely it is they’ll even respond and hire me again but I feel like I am going backwards
I did what everybody always insisted I had to do
i went to college
i got a “real” (office) job
i got more than 25k student loan debt I have not been able to make even a dent in
and what do i have to show for it? even worse mental illness? A piece of paper that said i went to college? Crippling fear of answering a phone? an extreme hate for the way I look now?
and now im (at least attempting) to go back to where I was before all that bc that’s the only place i can think of will hire me, to a job I did not enjoy whatsoever, where I am going to have to explain to the high schoolers that would be working closing shift that I will have to do after the morning job like yeah i left here 3 years ago for a competitive job that paid twice as much at one of the (apparently voted) best employers in the city that everyone wants to work for but I threw it all away bc im a useless fucking idiot and now I’m back here working fast food watching all these people who will go to school and get the jobs they want and not fuck it up and actually be successful and move on with their lives
it just,,, it doesn’t feel good
i feel like I’ll never get anywhere so what’s even the point
#and I know you’re probably thinking oh well you have horses you must have plenty of money etc#thing is i work at the place i keep them i do not pay regular price or I would not afford them at all#I’ve only ended up with as many as i have bc at my old#job i made just enough to not be negative every month#and now I can’t get rid of them because I am afraid to talk to people and ended up very attached to one we got with the intention to sell#after a few months#and the other we have had for 10 years now but she would need to be consigned somewhere to get what she’s worth#which requires /talking to people/#so while I previously could just about afford them I can’t now unless something majorly changes#once i run out of what’s left of my 401k i will not have the money to pay for them#yes i know buying ghost tickets with that was an idiotic thing to do but it temporarily made me happy#which is also another reason i want to try to avoid getting rid of the horses if at all possible#sounds stupid but at this point without them there would really be no point in being here#they’re the only reason I talk to anybody at all these days and they are capable of making me happy#im sorry i feel like i have been complaining on here a lot more frequently lately and i don’t think anybody wants to see shit like this on#their dash but i don’t really have anywhere else to say things#anybody irl always just says ‘well other people did x/it was your decision to y/etc#the shitty insurance I have now does not cover anxiety/depression things I have not been taking any and I have a feeling it is not helping#delete later
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starbuck · 1 year
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I honestly love that you talk about Tuco and Salamancas so much. it's partly the show's fault but they are such a fucked up chain of harm family, and nobody really talks about it much aside from memes
I really appreciate you saying this!
I remember specifically after my initial whirlwind six-day Breaking Bad bingewatch, i was doing a puzzle and listening to some music and I suddenly realized that, out of everything in the show, their collective tragedy had really affected me and stuck with me and thinking “hmm, well surely watching Better Call Saul will cure me of this…” and then I felt this absolute JOLT of delight upon unexpectedly seeing Tuco at the end of the BCS pilot and I was like “ah, okay, so I’m stuck like this!”
But seriously though, it’s been rewarding! I like puzzles! I like characters who the canon does dirty or who were clearly not the writers’ primary concern! I like to think critically about the media I consume and the way I interact with it! And I also ADORE inescapable cycles of tragedy! … So this whole thing was actually fairly predictable, in hindsight, haha…
And yeah, I’d LOVE to talk more about it… I’ve got another fic that’s fully done besides a final polish edit (which is gonna take awhile and I’ve been super busy with my new job, hence no progress in the past month or so!) - so I’m excited to get that out eventually as I prefer to share my more inference-heavy meta in fic form.
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I think I’ve been horribly burned out for the past year ahaha
#Let’s be real: I‘ve been burned out since fifth grade… but it’s worse now than it ever was#I wake up at around 10:00 or 11:00 and loiter in my room until 2:00 and by that time it feels like I failed to start my day#and like everything is a waste so I do nothing#Can’t use the bathroom without interviewing myself in the mirror and whispering for hours on end#so I’m dehydrated from whispering#and for some reason I’m afraid to engage in all my hobbies#Tumblr isn’t a hobby#Reddit isn’t a hobby#They’re time killers#I don’t write whump on here anymore and I feel like a fraud keeping my username as it is#The only time I ever do things is when it’s for other people#and when I do things for other people it’s like a switch gets flipped and I instantly want to give them everything I have#because I won’t feel like I deserve the things I want to do for myself so I’m serially codependent apparently#and when I do try to help people; my best never ends up being enough and only exacerbates the situation#and everyone wants more from me than I can give#I just want one thing I do for someone to work right the first time and end cleanly so I can get some fucking satisfaction#And if I think it’s working smoothly; I never have proof that it came to fruition because I can’t read people’s minds#“There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving” my ASS#I don’t like receiving either… it’s uncomfortable#besides I don’t want anything that can be given to me; I want freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms#that’s it#I will be happy if I can have freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms
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malkaviian · 1 year
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im home earlier than i thought
#i can actually work on things yay. at least one of them#for the mav and samael story i will rewrite the first chapter#bc i think starting with mav having One of Those breakdowns bc of what happened with zachary its not the best way#i think its better to start the story showing his Unconventional Desires and Fantasies about being murdered as violently as possible#and then explain whats the reason behind them later; when the readers have an idea of who he is. and maybe wonder why hes like that#or if hes weird just because something is wrong with his brain (i mean something is def wrong with him either way.#but did something happened for him to end this way or it just happened without something being a direct cause?)#at least i didnt even got to the midpoint; i only had ~800 words. which is kind of a win for me tbh i havent write shit in months#let alone this thing is out of my comfort zone for a lot of reasons; starting with the fact its not a fanfic and everything belongs to me#and i havent touched a subject this sensitive like a p4r4philia before. of course i did my research but tbf there isnt a lot on this one#so im trying not to sound completely uninformed; just that i couldnt really find a whole lot of research on this#bc it doesnt exist on the first place. the closest is lopatka's clase; which i've read what i could find about already; its not a whole lot#anyway i am afraid of getting hate comments. something something i am romanticizing a serious subject#something something i am portraying this as a love story (im not; if the characters think so its another thing) so i must be fucked up irl#something something 'this is fucked up and doesnt cater to my direct tastes; therefore is bad and you are bad too'#of course i will put warnings but you know how people are. and if they report the story wattpad could actually take it down#a bummer but. whatever. i always have ao3 but i will have to do an extra step and translate it to english#alongside having 0 audience there. well shit just happens ig lol#this turned into a rant sorry#lilith whispers
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bugpov · 2 years
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why is anyone going to a grocery store like we should all be farming and cooking soup over fires outside and sipping hot soup under the stars to keep warm and bathing in cool streams to replenish our energy during the day and traveling and migrating from place to place, exploring the world and discovering new things to help us heal and advance our species towards godliness
#snail sounds#one day animals won't be so afraid of us anymore i think#and we will stop living so unnaturally#the invention of cars and even riding horses to me is honestly a tragedy#like i understand the appeal but still no#anything that uproots you from the earth in a way that makes you feel more powerful than it is to be kept away from#cars cause so much kidnapping and sex trafficking and i understand this stuff happens regardless#but we've made it easier for these sickos#cars are so dumb and they make us detached from what is real#people are so impatient when im crossing the street too sometimes like can u chill the fuck out . just relax fucking calm down#beep beep honk honk go to work go to work go to work go to work#this is madness#the world is dominated by men dominated by their madness#im so disgusted#we need to go back to living in little villages and weaving baskets#anybody who's still doing that rn is doing something right and we should all be like them#cuz fuck america fuck this made up imaginary nation that weirdos worship#honestly the average cishet white american will make a hot take so hot that it's like they're basically saying 'ya im facist so what ?'#very concerning#like stop getting so defensive for no reason . ur not the one under attack here esp if u are not part of a marginalized group of people#just be fucking uncomfortable cuz life isn't about being in constant coddling comfort and care#it's always just like 'oh my perspective matters toooo' n then they share whatever bs they were about to say#only to prove at the end of it that they weren't listening to the other person talk at all . like their ears just start ringing#while a marginalized person is explaining how they've experienced oppression#and then the oppressor is like 'well what about how you've hurt my fragile uwu feelings by calling me out on my bullshit how dare u'#it's like talking to a brick wall they are insistent upon living in darkness#n like it's sad but you can't force anything upon something like that . u can't force anyone to change or even do anything it's not right#u just gotta be kind and hope for the best i suppose#just keep talking about ur experiences cuz everyone needs to speak up against the oppression they face#not just a select few influencers with a few general statements on their political stance and nothing else very groundbreaking or memorable
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queueh0lic · 2 years
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k and I had a chat about jealousy (and up next is a stupidly long ramble in the tags)
#it's fucked up the rush of confidence I get from hearing he gets jealous over me#idk my dumb brain thinks feeling jealousy when your partner doesn't puts you in kind of a disadvantage#like you're afraid to lose them but they're not#it made me think of 🐕‍🦺 and how I felt so lucky that someone like him could like someone like me... I thought I didn't deserve it#so I lived in fear of him realizing he could do better and leaving me#so when I expressed my fears to him..#prompted by him meeting up with who I can only describe as the physical embodiment of perfection#when I told him how powerless it made me feel to know he would definitely fall for her#he said he liked me... he wanted me... that he did in fact find me attractive#(but this other woman who awakens every possible insecurity in me also made his dick hard so too bad)#and I knew he was poly... that one's on me for thinking I could be okay with it#he knew I couldn't long before I did#so he chose to not tell me things#that felt like pity#and once again I'd fear he was too good for me#at every turn I'm reminded of the million reasons why we couldn't work out#of how I held onto it so tightly I strangled us#now I have someone I send selfies to and he'll reply with a voicenote saying HOLY SHIT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL#I'll see him flirting with other people and think hey he's mine :(#the difference is I'm not afraid to tell him that#bc he feels the same when it's the other way around#and every single time I'm jealous I remember the hours we've spent on videocalls#all the things we've said to other#the reassurance we give each other umprompted#and I don't feel insecure#he literally said ''you're my go to person to talk to'' and I teared up a little#I'm sure no one will read this but I needed to get this off my chest#and I'm definitely not putting this on scx I'm mutuals with the girl in question#it's not her fault that I'm an insecure lil shit and she said shes never doubted her self-worth#which good for u bestie but also fuck you a little.... k cool im gonna go bye i cant use more tags
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firebirdsdaughter · 2 years
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To refocus…
… I wish they’d let Jack actually. Have a part in saving Mac in 2x11. Like, even if it’s just the customary ‘comes in at the right moment to clock a dude’ sort of thing. I love Mac being resourceful, but I do feel like he’s occasionally a wee bit… It’s not exactly ‘over powered’ but… Perfect?
Like this is what I mean by we needed more Jack appreciation. While I agree w/ a comment I saw somewhere on here that s2 Jack is best Jack (right down to the beard!), I can’t help but feel like, say, 2x11 for ex, woulda been good opportunities to highlight Jack’s part in their partnership a bit more. It’s not that he doesn’t do things, but I just… Don’t feel like it always gets recognised? Mac’s crafty, but sometimes there a situations where even I, the fanniest of Jack fans, kinda wonder… Why he needs a partner? It just feels unsatisfying to have the cavalry get there but lol, Mac’s already saved himself! It doesn’t have to be big—like I said, even just arriving in the nick of time to take up/finish the fight. Or even just like. Tactical/moral support? For ex, compare 1x07 to 2x11; in the former, Mac’s incredibly genius and resourceful, gets out of the prison—but then he winds up in a situation where he can’t do things on his own, and he’s forced to resort to doing what he can do and trusting in others getting the message to Jack to come for him… Which happens, and Jack does the whole cavalry thing and once again takes out someone about to shoot Mac. In the latter, though, despite Jack being integral and dedicated throughout the episode, in the end he doesn’t get to do anything, bc Mac effectively resolves the situation himself, and if the others hadn’t done anything, it probably wouldn’t have changed the outcome (the situation gets worked out bc the guy tries to kill Mac in the police station, not bc of the evidence the others gathered and worked out—the guy was planning to do that anyway, so the result woulda been the same no matter what). For an ep so rife w/ Jack being a competent agent, it’s frustrating and disappointing to have him not get to do anything in the finale, and instead Mac saves himself and the detectives just fine w/out help. Jack contributes in a minor way of letting Mac know he didn’t kill anyone and boosting his confidence and spirits (I saw that smile as he was leaving!), but very little attention is paid to that. Naturally, it’s in character for Jack to not care about recognition as long as he can ensure Mac’s safety, but I just… It’s esp clear I think in 2x11 and 2x04. I know 2x04 is about Murdoc being Mac’s special enemy, and part of this is me wanting recognition for Jack’s status as Mac’s real dad, but esp w/ Jack blaming himself and Murdoc then going and picking out Cage later… Feels like their relationship shoulda been more of a factor? Given that everyone goes on like Murdoc targets people around them, in this he’s only focused on Mac and then Cage for some reason (even going after her again later bc… The actress had vacation time? I adore Cage but she seems like an odd choice to zero in on to get to Mac). Maybe Murdoc acknowledging how dogged Jack will be, or Mac shooting back that Jack will find him, no matter how well Murdoc has hidden them. I’d love to hear Jack brought up when they’re talking about fathers, maybe Mac saying Jack’s name when asking for help. Just small stuff that acknowledges that for all Mac’s smarts and ingenuity, he can’t do everything alone, highlight how Jack contributes to the team and partnership, how sometimes they need someone who can think like Jack. I’d’ve much preferred 2x11 ending w/ Mac just holding the guy off until Jack arrives to jump him, maybe even commenting to the detectives that he’s got the best Overwatch ever who is definitely on his way. 2x04 there’s just more acknowledgment about Mac’s reliance on Jack’s protection, maybe a few nasty comments by Murdoc that further upset Mac. Nothing huge, Mac’s still the inventive, brilliant one, but enough to make his ‘[Jack] doing his job meant I could do mine’ line from the probational season 4 ring consistently true.
And while we’re at it, could we please get an ep about how much Mac cares about Jack?? We get a lot of Jack being willing to move the world, bust Mac out of prison, lead a dictator to diamonds, out of love for Mac, blaming himself when Mac gets hurt. I’m sad we never really got one of my favourite tropes which is that in reverse. We get it a little, but there’s not much that really focuses on it? The Ghost’s debut ep it was all crammed into the end of the ep and the focus was completely on the bomb, in 3x01 James MacGyver ruins everything, and there’s also a ticking clock to work w/, you don’t really get to see Mac reacting. When stuff happens, there’s an attitude of ‘it’s Jack, he’ll be fine’ and I just kept waiting for the moment where he wasn’t fine and how that would go. They keep talking about how Murdoc’s targeting them, but again, after his debut he only goes after Mac and Cage. While his ‘welcome to the family’ thing is in character, for the second one, I’d much rather see Jack get attacked than Cage?
Honestly, weird as it may sound, I wish Jack got shot more.
#MacGyver (2016)#I dunno if anyone could make any sense of that#but like… don't get me wrong it's not all the time#I think 2x11 and 2x04 stick out to me bc Jack is SO adamant and dedicated to helping Mac#like multiple people comment on how his whole life is keeping Mac safe#bc he's his dad#would just love to see his kid return the favour once in a while#besides me being a sucker for 'protector becomes the protected' kinda stuff#I feel like there needed to be more focus on how Mac NEEDS Jack#maybe this was a side effect of Eads having disagreements w/ the show staff and stuff#Walsh seems to have been introduced to provide a parallel plot but got dropped I suspect when Eads wanted out#given how they went out of their way to describe them as being like Mac and Jack#maybe they had a plot planned that focused on them and how they are different fromJames and Walsh#bc I kinda wonder if Walsh's reason for turning was feeling like he wasn't getting respect and was there as a meatshield#James is conceited enough for it#maybe there was gonna be a focus on how Jack isn't afraid of that not just bc he's that kinda dad#but bc he understands he is needed and Mac does value him#sigh#it's just a real loss to everything that they couldn't work things out w/ Eads#I feel like I read he came back to CSI later after having issues w/ the show and stayed for a while#so maybe if they'd kept the show afloat they coulda gotten him back and gone from there#I still think they were trying to leave the option open#but a combination of poor crisis (losing one of your core characters) management#and absolutely random and awful writing choices (like trying to force a romance w/ his sister?? ew)#brought them down before that could ever happen#it's such a shame bc Jack being involved in the 'government mind controlling Mac w/nanobots' woulda been some sweet angst#I mean we all know he'd choose Mac in a heartbeat#but oh well#we'll always have fanfic I guess#Bring Your Son To Work To The Extreme With Spies
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cerealmonster15 · 4 months
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I think the third ch of my kalisil/jamiazu story is gonna be longer than the other chapters and that’s not necessarily for good reason lol 😭☠️🚶
#I FEAR it’s kinda just all over the place / me panicking and adding too much excess#while I try to get these bitches back on track ldjcjcnfifhvfjdjdnfndnvng#but. hdhfcjjg it’s ok it’s fine it’s fine I’m trying and it’s. experimental#I made that disclaimer at the start for this very reason lol#that I don’t really know what I’m DOING with multi chapters and I might catch on fire#like I do have a general outline of how I want the story to go yknow but#writing it out + having ideas that slightly shift it around … hell….#I also fear still that the kalisil isn’t gonna be done much justice#just bc I k ow jamiazu so much more like I’ve written so many fics for them#and drawn them a billion times#over the past 3+ years lolol#but that’s ok …. I am challenging myself….. I wrote more last night#and I’m trying to finish that heartslabyul friendship fic I started on valentines lol#I had the strong energy for it when I started but I didn’t get it all out fast enough#now I’m faltering and afraid LOL but it’s almost done… it’s SUPPOSED to be short and simple I just don’t know how to end it 😖😑#but what else is new !!!! 🧍I guess this is the one area I do have the pressure#cuz ppl don’t really like my doodles much I think so I just have my own demons about that#but sometimes people like my fics. so like what if I write and it is bad. and then I explode 🤨#ok sorry that’s been fighting demonds with cereal this morning while we w8 for stuff at work bye 🚶
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