#And for reasons; for my bpd beauties

[hacked-by-jake]

Happy borderline personality disorder awareness month! 💚

[weareuniqueandimportant]

SCARY... THIS HAPPENED 2 TIMES...

[secondimpact]

this is more a reminder for myself, but take it if it behooves you to do so; It’s always in your interest to move towards joy, even when you tell yourself otherwise, and especially when it feels harder than usual.

[77ngiez-archive]

i wonder what pafl tumblr would be like

1 note

🍑 upto30meters

i think beautiful bpd boys should be allowed to do nefarious things sometimes. dont ask me abt my weekend plans

#sanyechkaa if ur reading this tell ur brother to go fuck himself #txt #hall of fame

23,719 notes

👁 eagleeyed1

this prison food is passé

#why am i in prison? don't worry about it

7 notes

📙 false-epitaphs

i am so sick of my friend vagueposting about his illegal plans

#and as if thats not enough the post BLEW UP TOO #if he gets arrested i blame this website #thats a joke hes stupid so itll be all his fault #dont rb btw #epitaphs: textpost

5 notes

👿 anger-management-official

#poll #small musician #music #polls #HAHA I FOUND THIS IN DRAFTS I THINK ARTHUR MEANT TO POST IT YESTERDAY #I EDITED SOME OF THE OPTIONS FOR HIM LMAOO

14 notes

🍜 kt003-415-deactivated-20150831

ill be deactivaing this acount soon, i dont get a phone were im going '). love u guys!! dont come lookig for me!!

🍑 upto30meters

KATYA IM COMING

#I DIDNT KNOW SHE HAD A TUMBLR???? SANYA WAS THIS UR DOING????? #WHAT WAS SHE DOING ON TUMBLR SHE COULDNT EVEN SPELL

2 notes

🐱 itzanya14

FORCING MY BOYFRIEND TO READ WARRIOR CATS WISH US LUCK

#talking tag #boyfriend tag #weve been really stressed out lately (family drama basically) so were gonna unwind with some wc uwu

4 notes

🚗 ilovemyjesusandfightingandmygf

@yanikastudy HOW DO I POST

📚 yanikastudy

you just did dear))

#not academia #❤️: vanya

3 notes

🌀 spasticlightsky

My girlfriend (<3) is making me read a very confusing book. I don't believe cats are this intelligent.

0 notes

🏞 srgkzrn

I fucking hate kids

#Never should have let this idiot get near my sister #Vent

0 notes

🔥 ifthiswasthemanagement

im gonna kill my brother

#DOES HE KNOW WHAT PROFESSIONALISM IS #whatever whatever its just a dumbass poll #but its pissing me off #why would he remove the see results button????? #NOT TO MENTION I WAS KEEPING IT IN DRAFTS FOR A REASON #goddd #delete later

5 notes

⚗️ zonefucker69

I'm ashamed at the board's lack of scientific taste(((

0 notes

🕶 cassettephones-deactivated-20110418

me and my brother are going to haunt the narrative so hard someday, rb if u agree

37 notes

[peachpitlover]

Pinky Promise?

Summary (Requested): Reader with BPD leaves JJ before he can leave her. @ellaemott

Pairings: JJ Maybank x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Mentions of BPD and insecurity.

My Masterlists

You couldn’t help the way your heart dropped at the sight in front of you: JJ was sitting at the Wreck as a beautiful blonde talked to him. Her flirtatious smile was visible from a great distance, and when he returned the smile with a cunning one, it made your heart squeeze. You no longer wanted to show him the seashell that had reminded you of him; instead, you stuffed it into your pocket to throw into the ocean later. You thought to yourself, ‘maybe she is a better match for him.’ And he definitely seemed to like her; maybe he was going to leave you for her. You were so shaken when you walked out of the Wreck. Rushing out as fast as you could, you climbed on your bike and started riding home, tossing the nearly forgotten shell into the marsh as you went. 'What did I think I was doing giving him a stupid shell? I bet she wouldn’t do something silly like that.’

As soon as you got home, you went straight upstairs and locked your bedroom door behind you, sliding down the back of the door as you began to cry. Gut-wrenching sobs wracked your body at the thought of JJ and the girl at the Wreck. Your mind was filled with degrading thoughts you couldn’t seem to shake off. “He’s better off without her; he seems much happier than he is with me. How could I be so stupid? JJ would never go for someone like me.” Having been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, you were aware that these thoughts were unreal and wholly untrue, but in your frazzled state, you were unable to distinguish your own emotions from the insecurities.

You eventually managed to get yourself up from the ball you had curled yourself into on the floor, moving to your bed to hide for another few hours. Though you were still filled with insecurity, you eventually calmed down enough and pulled out an old cardboard box from your closet before completely tearing your room apart, searching for every piece of JJ left behind. You shoved his belongings in the box along with other things that reminded you of him: gum wrappers he’d folded into hearts for you, his habitual theft of your sweater when staying at your house, his underwear, random items of clothing, and swim shorts he kept at your house “in case of emergency,” and his toothbrush. With his things carelessly thrown into the box, you reluctantly walked over to the Chateau. You knew JJ had plans to surf with John B. and Pope, so you left the box in front of the front door for him to find.

Early that morning, JJ had gotten out of bed to meet Vanessa at the Wreck. Pope, who was beyond clueless, was the focus of her attention, and JJ had agreed to assist her. They had breakfast together and came up with the ideal arrangement for her to invite Pope to Midsummers. After that, JJ decided against surfing as the water was calm and settled for going out on the boat with John B., Pope, and Kiara instead, but in all honesty, he couldn’t wait to shower at the Chateau and go to your house after messing around all day. It would be an understatement to say that his heart sank when he opened the box bearing his name and identified the contents as his possessions kept at your home. He ignored his friends’ calls as he ran off to his bike and rode to your house as fast as he could. He could hear his rapid heartbeat in his ears as his mind played out every worst-case scenario possible. But he genuinely couldn’t think of a realistic reason as to why you would do this.

He didn’t even bother to park his bike; he hopped off and let it fall to the ground as he ran up to the front door. He fished in his pocket for the spare key you had given him before letting himself inside, and he immediately went to your room.

Behind the closed door of your room, you were once again bundled under your covers as you let insecurity take over. In your mess of blankets and tears, you didn’t hear JJ open your bedroom door and come in.

“What was that box doing at the Chateau?” He spoke gently as he sat at the foot of your bed.

“Go away, JJ,” you whimpered as you tried to gain control of the tears that flowed down your cheeks.

“No, baby, talk to me. What happened?”

“It's over, JJ; you can go be with that girl from the Wreck. It’s fine; you don’t have to hide it.”

“Y/n, what are you talking about?” He pushed as he pulled the covers away from your face to see your teary-eyed face.

“Kie told me you were at the Wreck, so I went to surprise you, and I saw you with that blonde girl. Go be with her; she suits you more,” you said as more tears brimmed in your eyes.

“Vanessa?” He asked.

“Whatever her name is.”

“Baby!” JJ smiled knowingly. “Vanessa has a crush on Pope, and he’s a dumbass, so she asked me to help her.”

“But she was smiling all flirty-like! And you were smiling back at her!”

JJ knew that you getting defensive wasn’t against him. He was aware that BPD could make you feel insecure and that this was somewhat inevitable. “She was asking me about you, you know. ‘Asking if you know what you’re gonna wear to Midsummers.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I told her that we are gonna match and some other things that I can’t tell you until I officially ask you to be my date.” JJ smiled with a wink.

“JJ,” you whined with a soft smile. “I’m sorry for being all irrational. I know you’d never do something like that; I don’t know what happened.”

“I know, baby, but always talk to me first, alright?”

“Promise,” you grinned.

“Pinky promise?” He pouted in mockery of the cute ritual you love so much.

“Pinky promise, do you forgive me?”

“I don’t know, it's gonna take a while,” he feigned contemplation of what you could give him in return.

“I’ll give you thirty minutes of free back scratches,” you said confidently.

“Deal! Starting now, go,” he demanded as he swiftly took his shirt off and threw himself onto your bed.

You couldn’t help but giggle at your golden retriever-like boyfriend, and you got to work.

[valcetious]

"𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑪𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑬𝑺."

pairing: childe x reader

tags: toxic relationship, manipulation, delusional thinking, implied abuse, implied entrapment, romanticised physical harm, reference to death

w/c: 1349

a/n: the themes of this fic are a tad, uhhh… questionable. i like to indulge in the fucked up characterisation ideas in my head sometimes, so here we are. tartaglia is obviously my victim for this because of reasons that i do not believe need further explaining lmfaooo. author has bpd so there’s lots of undertones of that, my bad y’all. heed the tags!

translations: милый (miliy) = “dear”, “darling” [gn] // любимый (lyubimyy) = “beloved” [masc]

“it didn’t matter that he was a wolf behind the guise of a sheep. it didn’t matter that he hunted you from the shadows. for you, the lamb, were willing no matter the consequences – for you all are sick creatures.”

childe was many things. many contradicting things. as were you.

maybe that’s why it was so easy to find yourselves entangled with each other - unable to tear yourselves apart. lost amongst each other.

you didn’t mind, truly. you were content to be lost amongst him of all people. he was your everything. the reason your heart beat, the reason your lungs filled with oxygen, the reason your eyes could see. he was everything.

nothing would change that, ever. nothing could sully this idolised view of him. nothing could ever erase him. he was a form of unattainable perfection – the epitome of all things right in this world of deluded views.

maybe if life had been kinder to you, you never would never have found solace in him. maybe, if life had shown you true love, you would have seen the truth behind what you perceived to be love. but alas; life was not kind, nor had it shown you true love.

and so, when kindness and love is devoid – it’s easy to find yourself falling for what your brain believes you deserve. you begin to break yourself down and rebuild yourself. piece by piece, block by block, you become an entity different from what you first came to this world as. you rebirth your soul, telling yourself that this life, this life of instability and pain, is the only constant you will ever have. and over time, you develop a certain view of life and love. you develop a certain attachment to people. one that consumes your entire being – an attachment that poisons everything it touches.

like a moth to a flame, you remember so clearly the first time your eyes fell upon him. it was as if he demanded your gaze, an indescribable force pulling you towards him. he looked back at you, or maybe through you. you weren’t sure. you can recall the shivers that went down your spine, his gaze strong and steadfast.

he was the enemy. at least, supposed to be. no enemy should shine as brightly as he did, you thought.

you remember so clearly the first time you saw that look in his eyes. the one that gazed at you as if you were the most desirable thing in the world.

in that moment, his hands were wrapped around your throat, a sickening grin on his face. despite the feral madness he wore, somehow, he seemed like a work of art. so strong, determined, passionate. and yet, he was going to kill you, you were the enemy. of course he was going to kill you. but the panic that should’ve been filling your body simply ceased to exist. no alarms bells. no warnings symbols. just a single, floating thought.

he was beautiful.

the weight of his hands around your throat seemed to be less of a burden at that realisation. it was almost as if it morphed into a comfort - something to remind you of how fragile you were under his fingers. maybe that thought should’ve disturbed you, but it didn’t. instead, you felt some sort of satisfaction.

some sort of purpose arising at the concept of being discarded by him.

the way his eyes searched yours left you feeling oddly charmed – his attention focused on you and you only. his orbs were dull, as if he were dead inside; funny, considering he had such a disarming smile. you looked over his face, really looking this time. he truly was beautiful, physically too.

you remember the way his fingers loosened around your neck after a moment, his orbs darkening as he smiled. though this smile wasn’t the same grin of sadistic pleasure he had previously worn. he seemed almost pleased, as if you were some sort of treasure that he’d been searching for all his life.

“you’re perfect.”

in childe, you found purpose. he loved you. he did. and you loved him. madly so.

and that was precisely the problem. you loved each other. too much.

you loved each other so much that pain and suffering were synonymous with love. you loved each other so much that not even death would do you apart. and childe knew this. he knew this all too well.

childe knew you were irrevocably his. knew that no matter what would happen, you would never run. you were simply his. his to have forever. his to keep, to own, to have. and he would have all of you. your body, your mind, your thoughts, your actions. all of it would be belonging to him, and him only. he would make sure of it, no matter the cost.

perhaps you should’ve known better. maybe part of you did know better. but did any of that matter? did any of it really matter? the world without childe was dark, threatening, consuming. everything was horrible — until him. he arrived and suddenly, things seemed to take shape. a sense of self started to emerge.

and yet, it was hardly a sense of self; rather a collection of delusional ideas that were fed and tended to by the one you fixated upon. you had fooled yourself into thinking it was you.

but see, there was some simplicity in losing your mind.

there was peace in indulgence of your delusional thoughts.

it was sick — you were sick. and you could not be treated — this sickness rotted you from the inside out. no amount of medicine or healing would quell your soul of this darkness.

“милый,” the harbinger purred, a blood-stained hand wiping a tear from your cheek, “you’re so pretty when you cry.”

you trembled underneath his touch, the pain from your abdomen flaring up throughout your whole body. and yet - the pain was nothing compared to that adoration in childe’s eyes. a whimper escaped your lips as you shifted, and the harbinger cooed. it was a soft, sweet sound. like a parent hushing their young. a bloody finger pressed against your lips, a sickeningly sweet smile painted upon his features.

“shhh, you’re doing so well for me,” childe murmured, pressing a kiss to your exposed collarbones.

your eyes flicker to childe’s right hand, catching the glint of the dagger in the moonlight. stained in your blood, and your blood only. a special dagger, just for you, as childe had described it. your eyes trail back to his face. his eyes watched you with so much curiosity, it made you feel so bare under his gaze; as if he were peering into the deepest parts of you. his gaze aligned with yours, his empty eyes boring holes into you. despite the dullness, there was a glint of passion burning within them.

he revelled in your pain. and you loved it.

you loved him.

“would you die for me, милый?” childe’s voice questioned, the hand that sat upon the back of your neck tightening with his words.

“without a second thought, любимый,” you had replied, eyes sliding shut at the pressure of childe’s fingers.

you didn’t need to think about the answer. you knew without childe, you were lost. death was a sweeter release than a world without him. you couldn’t live without childe. it was impossible. you couldn’t let him go. he was worth the cost of everything.

the red-head hummed, a satisfied look on his face. you were so perfect – truly. no other soul so blindly loved him in the way you did. no other soul had ever come close to the sickness within him. until you.

that lovestruck look in yours eyes when he would hurt you only proved your loyalty.

and he was determined to keep that loyalty. even if it meant destroying you and rebuilding you all over again, by his hands only.

no other would ever come close to you.

you were a sick creature, as was he.

you were made for no one but him.

© valcetious, cross-posted on ao3.

requests currently open!

[obsessivefreakandpartners]

Padme and Anakin remind me of many straight couples who are extremely pathological: the narcissist and the enabler. Always together, in heaven forever. More often than not, they appear to be the traditional stereotype of an ideal couple. They are both young, handsome, smart, promising, loyal to each other, trying to build together their careers, their own family. The enabler ignores red flags, sometimes unconsciously, other times consciously. In a patriarchal society due to sociopolitical reasons, the enabler is more often than not the woman.

Till the day the enabler steps up. Then they meet the narcissist's fury. The one who promised him literally the galaxy minutes ago.

Chaos ensures. The divorce is ugly, catastrophic from all aspects. They both fail to be parents to their children. Padme because of sadness ( sometimes the enabler can't have the consequences leading to self destruction) and Anakin because of his raging obsession for power. It's undoubtedly true that both loved their kids. Padme would want nothing more than to raise her children and Anakin showed us in the movies his love for them. Yes, some narcissists can love their kids, especially the ones that score higher on the bpd spectrum than narcissism. In my opinion, this became clear as he grew older and thus, dropped the intensity of the narcissism magnified by his youth.

Many young people find the couple romantic and beautiful. As a young person myself ( 22), I completely understand the lure. But as a person that has experienced this in my own home, I fail at sympathising with the ship itself.

Obi wan loved them both. He tried to be there for both. He took care of their kids. His own life took the backseat. He was a person who saw taking care of others mistakes as a moral duty towards the great good. He was also attached to them. If not so attached, things wouldn't have gotten so far. But in the end, he raised his sleeves and tried to fix whatever was left to fix. It literally reminds me of Jesus who asked his Father why he should sacrifice himself, then did it because that's what he considered to be right. Obi wan's empathy works like that.

He sent Luke to face his father. To kill * Darth Vader*. Not Anakin Skywalker. Obi wan still believed that there was at least a piece of Anakin left in there. He doubted that for years but after decades of meditation accompanied by the wisdom of an old man, he knew this to be possible. But he could come to light only by his pure innocent love for his son, not from his love tainted with shades of hate and passion for Padme and Obi wan.

And that's why Padme and Anakin grow to love Obi wan with a deep sense of respect that they never had for each other. But it was too late for them. Both understood Obi wans value right before dying, when they saw a man caring for their kids, for themselves as well. But Obi wan forgave.

[granulesofsand]

Renaming Programmed System Origins

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA w/ programming

I want a positive origin label for edit: programmed systems, because MC leaves many of us feeling distinctly not “adaptive” and we deserve a word that makes us proud to have survived.

I get that we’re traumagenic, but I want something specific. I’ve seen a few, but none of them are positive. Like ‘adaptive’ means formed around trauma, but highlights the system’s ability to learn and change to survive. Something that takes the spotlight off the perpetrators, and redirects it to the survivors.

So far, we got:

Programmgenic — from programming. Full points for accuracy, more creative than RAMCOAgenic, which is not listed

With special mentions to:

Mixed origins — specifically adaptive and created. I like identifying as created, especially because some of us were taught how to structure the system. More than trauma, but also still trauma

And that’s it. There’s a few hyperspecific and extra vague origins that could apply to all RAMCOA systems or a select few system members, but none that entail forming as a requirement to survive. And ‘adaptive’ doesn’t count, because those are different kinds of required.

A good number of programmed systems don’t feel adaptive; that we are adaptive is still true, at least in my mind, but the utter twisting of that adaption is what made us. The biggest reason I want a positively connotated origin is to change that perspective; to show survivor systems that our members are more than scars to fuse back into the skin, more than shards with sharp edges.

It’s a fairly common experience that perpetrators will kill a system that they can’t program, or a singlet that they can’t make multiple. So much of our lives we do anything to stay in their good graces.

Systems who deprogram, whose programming fell apart, or who were never successfully programmed are the picture of rebellion. But we didn’t form out of rebellion, not most of our members.

Our perps made us to be perfect, to go further than a singlet could for purposes a singlet would dissociate from (see BPD in youth and OSDD-2 in adults).

This is the struggle. Everything beautiful we are came after. Everything beautiful we were was because of perpetrators. What made us beautiful that was us?

I’m taking answers from any, whether you& survived programming or not, in hopes that there will be an answer. If it takes months, we will find words for us, because there has to be something I can’t see from my vantage. Anything, find me the beauty that I cannot see.

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

Day 95 of Writing Something Everyday

(365 Day Challenge)

I sleep with my phone,

Hoping you'll write - or at the very least I hope to see the second check mark lit up.

I miss you.

I still feel you.

Your spirit is smothering me yet your body is so far away.

An emoji, a thumbs up - anything.

I don't require much, I just want to know you're okay.

I hate this, I know it's part of BPD as I've done it before as well but it hurts.

You push away the ones you truly care about.

I know you care about me, that's why you're doing it.

You don't think you deserve me, you're scared.

You don't need to protect me,

You don't need to save me.

I want you, as you are - fucked up and full of darkness.

I don't care....I just love you.

You don't have to change or be something else for me, I love you for you.

I keep coming back to thoughts of how "perfect" I am and how I'm "too perfect"

I'm nothing..

I'm not anybody special - I fight my own demons every single day.

Darkness is always lurking around me,

You never corrupted me - I was flawed and broken before you met me and I never changed.

I just felt happier talking to you..

Did you ever stop to think about how I believe the same things you do?

Every day you said good morning and good night - every time you told me I was beautiful and you wanted to protect me. Every time you argued with me that I was not disgusting or gross I thought why me? Why are you talking to me? Out of all the people in the world, why me? What makes me so special? Why do you keep coming back? Why do you like me? I'm just a weird fat girl with nothing to offer. Yet you showed me 50 different reasons why you cared just by your actions.

To me you're perfect - we're the same in a way.

I liked how you told me what to do, I never realized I thought that was so hot.

The bashful way you'd say sorry when you gave me a command, yet I had already done it before you could write sorry.

You didn't have to be sorry, I loved it and I still do.

I miss it, I miss you...

I would've done anything you said - and still will without a doubt.

I love how you made me laugh, telling me that I was yours - you're so possessive..

I love it.

I would've let you tie me to the sink, I would've done all the dishes.

I still will..

The thought of you next to me makes me nervous - not because I'm afraid of you but because you're an actual man.

I've never seen one before..

I feel like Tarzan and Jane,

We feel each other out because we're baffled at the fact that we are real.

I don't think you've ever seen an actual woman before either..

I wish you'd write me, the clock is ticking so loud and the noise is driving me mad.

5:23am here, 9:23am there.

I still count the hour differences, I haven't forgotten.

And by the feel of it your spirit is washing over me, I see you out the corner of my eye - watching me. You sit down beside me, I feel your hands on me.

You're definitely thinking about me,

I just hope you see me out the corner of your eye too and when you do - can you feel me kiss you?

~Jenni

[aoki553]

'bpd makoto teruhashi??'- a character analysis/yapping session because no one understands the siblings like i do

Time to turn the capslock on for this one! The writing might be incoherent, but I want to focus on getting my thoughts out with this one, so be aware. Let me start this post by clarifying - I am not a psychologist. This is for fun, done used resources I've found online. This is about an anime character, not about a real person's struggles.

Trigger warning for obvious sibling marriage romanticization mention sighhh like we aren't talking about it constantly when it comes to him apparently.

We all know the way Makoto has been protrayed in the series - a comically overexaggerated siscon. His portrayal makes many people uncomfortable due to his perverted obsessive behavior.

Except, I'm going to throw it all out the window cuz in this post I meant to take a look at his behavior from a fan's perspective without any biases like 'eww yucky siscon make me uncomfy'. NONE of that here.

I'll start by addressing the elephant in the room and the main reason i'm making this post: Makoto's obsession. Both of the Teruhashi siblings have obvious superiority complexes, however, Makoto is overshadowed by his little sister's charm, whom he idealizes and has an unhealthy attachment to. He's aware of his own charm and beauty, but only takes it to account to point out how he's the only one worthy of Kokomi's love and attention.

Kokomi has clearly been his whole world ever since she was born. A life-long fascination and attachment that went unnoticed. His perfect little sister is able to change his mood drastically whenever she's getting attention from anyone other than him or is even slightly dissatisfied with him.

He lacks a sense of self - only Kokomi matters for him. He's able to ditch his responsibilities in an instant, only to be with her. He's depicted as a cherub to Kokomi's goddess appearance in the mobile game and as a chauffeur in the Duet Shite KudaPsi anime end credits. Always below her, as her servant.

He becomes severely distressed and panics over even something so simple as a her getting a cold. (Just like everyone else at her school, but he's there for her.)

At all times he needs to make sure she isn't surrounded by men that are 'unworthy' of her, even to the point of stalking her to get some piece of mind. He craves her approval and cares for her like no one else in the entirety of the manga. (Example: Taking her to movie theatres and watch every movie he has ever starred in to show her.) These are signs of Kokomi being Makoto's 'favorite person'.

Awesome, but does it explain Makoto seeing her not as his sister, but as a future wife? Is it just him making things way creepier in his mind than they need? Yes, actually.

Makoto's overprotective and obsessive behavior is comically exaggerated, duh, but if we think about it for a second... Kokomi is a person he's been there for her whole life, he provides and protects her from unwanted attention. He dedicated his whole life to her and knowing there is an unavoidable future of his whole world collapsing because someone will take his place. Not as a siblings, but as a lover - something more important than family. How can he avoid this? By being the one to marry her, of course. No one but him is worthy of her anyway, right? Why should she need anyone else? No matter how messed up that sounds, it's his way of thinking.

Now let's go over some of the diagnostic criteria for BPD. I'll be using this site and infographic as my resource, just to give a few simple (but appropiate in my opinion) examples.

Fear of abandonment, rejection - while it's not explicitly stated, I believe his 'marriage' thing is just that. Not wanting to be abandonned and forgotten by the only person he loves and cares about. I don't believe he has any perverted motive behind it. Just fear and wanting her only for himself.

Idealization and devaluation - both extremes show up in his behavior. Most notably towards Kokomi or Kusuo. He's hostile and outright rude to Kusuo, but the moment Kokomi shows up he becomes all sunshine and rainbows. Another example of it is his indifference towards Kokomi's friends, compared to the excessive attention he gives to his sister. My theory is that Makoto doesn't have relationships due to a predisposition to making his relations with other people unstable, or never even bothering to try in the first place. (Like he is towards Ruchi, for example.)

Impulsivity and inappropiate anger - he rushes to anger the moment his love is threatened. A simple thought of Kokomi getting romantic advances enrages him. Even if it could cost him his career or his public image - something Kokomi cares about the most for herself, the opposite to her brother.

Emotional instability - we've only been shown his mood swings like the one below. If we got to see more of his personal life, this one would be much clearer, but it's something a siscon pun character doesn't get to have in a comedy manga, so I'll leave it at that.

Paranoia - Let the image below speak for itself... His delusions can be interpreted as a symptom on its own, too.

But what could've caused this? Since we never see what the Teruhashi siblings' parents are like, it's easy to assume Makoto has a role of her caretaker or a provider, due to only these two being ever shown living in the wealthy Teruhashi residency. The only time we ever see their parents being acknowledged is when Saiko spread a fake rumor of Mugami Tooru having an affair. Note: We never actually see them, we don't know if they're even there.

My personal theory is simple - Kokomi's charm and absent parental figures must've affected Makoto's development and made him emotionally dependent solely on Kokomi's well being. I'm taking his idol career into an account as well, since he must've been scouted into show business in his teens, or earlier. (He was already famous by 17.)

Conclusion: I think Makoto is an interesting example of a person with BPD in media, but I'm often disappointed how little we talk about it. Or maybe I'm just too obsessed with him to see him only as what he is on the surface. :3

PHEW. So after like 4 hours of trying to put my words into one big post I think that's all I had to say for now about this topic~! I have a lot of love for this boy and I really needed to get my thoughts out about this theory of mine. Sorry for unnecessary rambling and incoherence at times. Thanks for reading!

[mamuzzy]

I tried to think about more about my Nulls with ASPD blurbs or after a bit more consideration, a bit more broad picture of Cluster B personality disorders (antisocial, borderline, histrionic, narcisisstic), and my inability to separate the Nulls from Kal Skirata when talking about them, and it's not just my bias because I love them with all my heart.

It's because it's all tied together. Kal himself is mentally ill too right from the start. My theory is Kal is on the Cluster B spectrum too.

Narcissisctic spectrum because of the grandiosity of plans, his self-importance of his plans, the savior complex: he has to be of the center of the great plan of rescue of the clones, because this is the only way he can redeem himself of his previous mistakes. Remember when Ordo destroyed the datachips? He wasn't devastated because now there wasn't any means to save the clones from rapid-aging. He was devastated because now HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO KNOW NOW WITH HIMSELF. HE was purposeless. Kind of contradictory that his purpose of his life was about entirely of someone else, but it wasn't entirely selfless. He just can't be a bad guy of his own story, but he has to be a martyr. It won't work without it.

Kal can't be a bad guy. He just can't be a bad guy of his story. If he was, that would mean, EVERYTHING he did in life was wrong, was evil, everything was his fault, was his fault alone, including his parents death (which is insane they died in bombing but there is no logic in survivor's guilt), his fault that he was all alone, his fault that he was abused, his fault that he didn't know better, he fault that his wife and kids left him (kinda yeah) and now his fault that the clones don't have a chance for longer life. He is a bad guy in everyone's story. But it's okay. It's okay. He just have to create another personality, explain himself, why Ordo's is still the perfect little angel in the whole world who can never do wrong to cope the loss, because being angry at him is not an option, he can't be angry at him, angry himnonononononoangrynohecan'tbeangrynothatwouldtriggernonotriggertriggernofuckingtriggerfestbackandfort and move on and find another way to achieve this goal and never give up. <-And there is a nice little bpd mentality for you, mushrooms and gentlefairies. (probably there was a little bit a chanelling here, but I think there is a reason I meowmeow this miserable wet cat)

Personality disorders have symptoms during childhood too, IN FACT most of the reasons that are not genetic, start in during childhood due to societal and environmental causes, parental neglection, abuse, contradicting upbringing, emotional repression, traumas.

We saw the Nulls as children but not too much, but we barely seen anything about their later cadet years we have only shown a few mentions through dialogues, narratives, and because often is from the memories of Kal Skirata, people often dismiss it like Kal says so it must be untrue and ableist.

BUT.

What we actually saw is Kal's childhood and training!!! And traumas often carries through to another generation...

Vode, if you enjoyed my previous blurbs you are going to love my next one about him. Before I actually talk about Nulls and their Favorite Person and another topics like amorality, and aggression, I really should talk about PERSONALITY itself, and I think Kal Skirata is a beautiful guinea pig for that.

[thoseyoulove]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part VII (with maybe big spoilers and quotes?)

Let's keep this funny little tradition one more time as this book comes to an end. :)

Okay, so the whole story about Akasha and Enkil was cool, but didn't have to take like a hundred pages? It got exhausting after some time.

Didn't care about Marius's, though.

Tbh, I don't like Marius.

My ranking of characters so far: Armand > Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicki > Marius.

Louis and the others didn't have enough book time for me to form an opinion.

Armand mention! Still collecting those like Pokemons while my babygirl doesn't return from the war.

Btw, I still miss Armand. Armand, COME BACK, THE KIDS MISS YOU!

I think it's funny how Lestat always has the need to low-key compare the beauty or his feelings for each character whenever he meets someone new lmao.

Armand takes the prize of The Vampire Lestat's beauty pageant, though. Lestat literally mentioned his beauty every single time he saw him (and even when he didn't). Like, I wish I was making that up. He talked about Armand's beauty even more often that he cried lmao.

Lestat's issues/trauma with his father, Magnus, God and religion run so deep I don't even think he fully realizes the depth of them.

And that's the reason he's so obsessed with Marius to me?

He's always asking him for permission, apologizing, trying to please him, make him proud, one minute with him and he was already talking like they were intimate friends, I'm like????

He literally just became a child all over again.

Lestat de Lioncourt, I am once again begging you to go to therapy because Marius can't help you with your issues.

And you have A LOT of issues, so DO IT, please.

Marius: Lestat, no. Lestat: Lestat, YES!!!

Like, you guys don't get it, the idea, THE I D E A!!!!!!! IT WAS STRONGER THAN HIM!!!!!!!!!

In his defense, I believe that might've been the case. Lestat is chaotic and breaks the rules by nature, but the whole thing with Akasha and Enkil is kind of hard to tell and I believe he could've been controlled by them or maybe a natural force/pull. Idk.

Btw, the idea of playing the violin was smart.

If only in all these years somebody had the brain to think about this musical instrument lol.

This whole moment with Akasha felt like I was watching something so explicit lmao.

The "make them in love" part was sweet. I hope we can get that on the show. Preferably talking to/about Louis.

“Impossible was that I was leaving Marius and this island right now. ‘You needn’t come down with me,’ I said, taking the valise from him. I was trying not to sound bitter and crestfallen. After all, I had caused this. 'I would rather not weep in front of others. Leave me here.’” This is a child on their first day of kindergarten being bitter and too proud to admit lol. I can see him so clearly, pouting and all.

“I had what I wanted, what I had always wanted. I had them. And I could now and then forget Gabrielle and forget Nicki, and even forget Marius and the blank staring face of Akasha, or the icy touch of her hand or the heat of her blood.” OH?

Thinking thoughts.

Thinking SO MANY thoughts.

I'm not sure you guys understand, actually.

I'm (not) fine.

Not only Lestat and Armand are potentially two BPD Scorpios, but NEURODIVERGENT too. Jfc. This would actually explain the chaos so much tbh.

This moment between them feels kind of weird and random, though? Like, I know that they can fight ugly, but I feel like I'm missing something with these accusations? Because the last time they saw each other they were in a good place?

I hope when I read Interview With the Vampire I'll find an answer for why Armand was pissed at him again?

Because, no, I don't think just "waiting for Lestat's love" is a good one. But... Whatever.

That's the only part of the book that has me feeling like maybe I'm missing something and should've started in the right order. But it's like this one thing at the end and didn't affect my comprehension of the book as whole, so I'll wait. It's just, like, this feels random and I'm confused???? But okay, I'm used to their insane dynamic now lol. We'll all live.

Ok, but what the actual hell is happening?

Is Lestat just insane or is Armand mind-controlling him or something lol

Oh?

Okay...

He basically said “I thought I was delusional. But if that were the case, Armand wouldn’t be the person I’d see. I was so weak, but managed to overpower him. But memory plays its tricks, so maybe I did imagine him. But I also knew he was there.”... Like, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING???????

Either way... OUCH! And I don't know what would hurt more.

Him being all alone and imagining/hallucinating ARMAND of all people.

Or Amand being there because, idk, as insane as they are and even Armand on his “villain era” I guess that might be better than being completely alone? Since loneliness is his chronic and biggest fear? Idk. Maybe I'm going just as insane as these vampires.

Like, obviously, if that's true those aren't sweet moments and they still emotionally hurt each other (and themselves in the process), but that's some level of care in a messed-up sick in the head vampire way?

Idk. I guess I'm just insane like they are.

"'Love me and the blood is yours,' he said. 'This blood that I have never given to another.' I felt his lips against my face. 'I can't deceive you,' I answered. 'I can't love you. What are you to me that I should love you? A dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others? The embodiment of thirst itself?' And in a moment of incalculable power, it was I who struck him and knocked him backwards and off the roof. Absolutely weightless he was, his figure dissolving into the gray night. But who was defeated? Who fell down and down again through the soft tree branches to the earth where he belonged? Back to the rags and filth beneath the old house. Who lay finally in the rubble, with hands and face against the cool soil? Yet memory plays its tricks. Maybe I imagined it, his last invitation, and the anguish after. The weeping. I do know that as the months passed he was out there again. I heard him from time to time just walking those old Garden District streets. And I wanted to call to him, to tell him that it was a lie I'd spoken to him, that I did love him. I did." OH?

Seriously...

WHAT THE HELL IS THEIR PROBLEM WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??

I would like to see Anne talking about whatever Lestat and Armand have going on because how do you even begin to explain it...

Like what was that crazy individual thinking when she wrote them?

I need to know.

I'm so stressed.

Immortality if dumbass vampires knew how to use their words:

These are literally fictional characters and they're ruining my life.

Season 3 can be so insufferable omg.

Btw, I LOVE the concept of one character hurting another and "winning a fight", when in reality they're just pretending and the two are actually losing. This is so intriguing. Congratulations, you're both idiots! Here, you won a tissue!

OH???????

IS THAT STILL HAPPENING?

WAIT.

WAIT MORE!

IS THAT THE OTHER THING?

“Lestat de Lioncourt In the year of his Resurrection 1984” HE’S SO UNSERIOUS EXTRA AND RIDICULOUS LMAO.

NOT HIM CALLING MUSIC VIDEOS VIDEO FILMS LMAO.

OMG IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

LOUIS??????????? IS THAT YOU?????

Or maybe Gabrielle since he kept saying how he hadn't heard from her since their farewell but wanted to etc etc.

Or Marius.

Or Armand, but that's less likely?

Or Akasha because I know there's a certain moment coming, but I don't know if it's on TVL or QOTD...

...Or like a secret sixth thing.

But I hope it's Louis, I want to meet him so bad!

If that’s another dream/delusion/hallucination/piece of his imagination istfg!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m so invested, this CANNOT be for nothing!!!!!

fr Lestat describing people and stuff is somehow gayer than loving men, lmao.

Btw, is that really sooooo dramatic or does Lestat need to turn everything into a spectacle? Like, why does this feel like a big Hollywood movie scene?

“‘There’ll be time after,’ I answered. 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Nothing is going to happen. You’ll see.’” Can Anne Rice stop with the "five minutes before disaster" lines, please? Bruh is NOT subtle. Like AT ALL.

“And I had always loved him, hadn’t I, no matter what happened, and how strong could love grow if you had eternity to nourish it, and it took only these few moments in time to renew its momentum, its heat?” I NEED THIS TO BE SAID OUT LOUD ON THE SHOW SO BAD OMG???!!!!!!!!!!

I hope Sam Reid has been practicing this in front of a mirror since he was 14 just like he must've done it with the book's opening.

“‘Whatever happens, it will be worth it,’ I said. 'That is, if you and I, and Gabrielle, and Armand… and Marius are together even for a short while, it will be worth it. Suppose Pandora chooses to show herself. And Mael. And God only knows how many others. What if all the old ones come. It will be worth it, Louis. As for the rest, I don’t care.’” As I said before, this sounds like those dramatic child movies where a kid does the most over-the-top and probably dangerous thing ever just to get the attention of their relatives and bring their dysfunctional family together...

Maybe, deep down, Lestat is just a simple little boy who still wants a big family lol. It's not even just about having a father figure anymore, he wants big house full of people to love and hug. :((((

Or maybe he is just bored and wants chaos, lol.

Or both.

“I bowed my head. I laughed. I slipped my hands into the pockets of my pants the way mortal men did in this day and age, and I walked on through the grass.” Louis just made Lestat get shy like a teenage girl and I didn't know that was possible. Gotta respect him for that.

NOT LOUIS SAYING VIDEO FILMS TOO LMAO YOU’RE SO OLD AND LAME????

“Lestat, you think you understand,” this is literally them btw

Btw, now that I know New Orleans is "Armand's territory", maybe those interactions with Lestat were real? I need to check to see if there's info about the dates and if it adds up.

Lestat's concert lasting 3 hours. What a dream. Just some hard-working artist that really cares about his fans. Wow. Can musicians all over the world follow his example, please?

I'm glad he's having fun.

He's having WAY TOO MUCH FUN exposing himself like that lol.

Okay, so I think this rockstar thing made him even happier than the books or theater and that's cute.

I get him because the two best days of my life happened when I went to my favorite concerts.

“This little war of mine would put all those I loved in danger.” Congratulations for stating the absolute obvious, Lestat!

GABRIELLE!!!!!!!

Gabrielle is so done with her manchild of a son lol.

She has never been wrong, though.

Lestat, I love you, but you're exhausting.

I totally get Gabrielle wanting to run to the mountains, jungles, live among animals and not see another person again for so long. You're too high-energy and your parent is tired, Lestat.

Btw, their dynamic can be so funny, I hope the show explore that on season 3.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ENDED LIKE THAT??????

I knew it would be a cliffhanger, but OMG???

Anywaysssss, that's a wrap on The Vampire Lestat. Mission finally accomplished! That was really fun, wohoo! x :) ^^

[kominiasty]

💀 🦇Welcome to my digital diary ig? 🦇💀

you can call me kominiasty/bombin

He/Him, hetero, 19

Neurodiverse + BPD ( nigga has all kinds of brain disorders and a fucking borderline personality, the most destructive combo that ever existed )

Information Technology Specialist and an IT Analyst 🤓☝️( just say you play games all day you moron 👨‍💻👨‍💻)

Married to my beautiful wife @eighties-goth-suicide-note 🥀🥀🦇🦇

literally batman ( who else thinks diluc is polish?? )

im literally copying my wife’s post and she has all those like, super fancy words for her yandere types but im gonna make it simple

my yandere types: my wife 🥀

taken anons: 🥀 ( you can ask me all you want ill only respond to my wifes asks ;333 )

I made this blog cuz she told me to ;33

I will reblog some random stuff every few days so my wife doesnt get mad for whatever reason she has ( most likely “you dont love me anymore” reason. I’ll always love you stop whining ;33 )

i actually dont care about this app so if i offended you in any way ( i sincerely hope i didnt ) just block me and move on with your life ;333

[garamdx]

: / / LOADING … OH GARAM / /

20021106, 05:58 AM

INCUBUS PHYSIOLOGY

SUPERNATURAL BEAUTY

DEMONIC HELEN OF TROY

: / / LOADING … AUTHOR'S NOTE / /

hello, everyone! my name is ryan (he/him, 28+) and i'm so excited to be here with all of you. 🤍 garam is a beloved muse of mine and while he's here to raise a little hell here and there, i hope that he'll smoothly fit in with all your muses. if you're interested in plotting, please 🖤 this post and i'll reach out to you as soon as possible. i have d//scord available by request, so lmk if that's easier! ngl, it's easier for me, so... there's that! 💜

: / / LOADING … BACKGROUND / /

born in bum-fuck nowhere south korea to a family of cultists.

he’s the disappointment, the “defect”, in his family.

his physiology is that of an incubus, much like the rest of his brothers, but his demonic abilities are basically non-existent.

garam’s beautiful to behold, always has been. that’s about it.

at 16, his lust aura made itself apparent. it… was awkward.

once he turned 20, he was banished from his home, and he arrived in seoul—specifically district x—to start a new life.

he seduced plenty of rich men to survive, but now lives on his own and works as an influencer; bewitching his followers.

he was recently diagnosed with impulsive bpd.

he’s currently being treated for it; takes it a day at a time.

above all, garam really just wants to be loved for who he is.

: / / LOADING … PERSONALITY / /

garam is someone who possesses immense passions. even outside of his mental health issues, his emotions are felt deeply; profoundly. sometimes they feel heavy, but other times, especially in blissful moments, they bring him such pure, unadulterated joy that making good memories comes easily. when he's fun, he's fun. he lilts unexpected, crazy things; he orbits around his loved ones; he learns everyone's secrets, their desires, and their aspirations, and if he's loyal to you, he'll make sure you receive every single once; he's like lightning. however, he's someone who doesn't make himself easy to know, and that's for a variety of reasons. above all, he just doesn't like when people are all up his ass about things that don't involve them. if he has something to tell you, then he'll tell you. if he wants to keep something to himself, he will. that said, what makes him hypocritical is, despite concealing parts of himself, he wants to know everything about you. literally everything. he doesn't give a fuck about what you ate for lunch, he wants to know who you'd die for. i'll warn you now, he's hyper-sexual. even if he's not pursuing someone, he loves talking about sex and debauchery. again, he loves the taboo and the things that people don't often open up about. that, and at his core, he's a fucking sex demon. he won't apologize, but i'll apologize in advance for his perversion. he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and he's been in therapy for it for a few months now. there's for sure been improvements, but it's still a daily struggle. he's vowed to try to be better, though. he doesn't want his past to affect him as badly as it does, so learning to cope/moving on is his top priority. there's one thing about him that'll be obvious upon first meeting. you will find him beautiful. unless you have abilities that make you immune, his beauty is obvious and striking. as he's homosexual, it tends to rouse much more intense responses by members of the same sex, but the opposite often find him appealing, as well. don't touch his horns without permission.

: / / LOADING … PLOTLINES / /

i prefer to brainstorm plots! 💜 talk to you soon!

[meaninglessblah-writes]

jaytim + you’re supposed to be in the witness protection system but until that’s set up my cop friend [dick?] is making me let you live with me au

Tim rubs the sleep from his eyes and gestures in the direction of the kettle. "There's tea and sugar in the cabinet. Or coffee in the tin?"

The giant of a man currently occupying most of his apartment kitchen casts his gaze around, jaw severe beneath the fluorescents. There's a wariness to him still, even though Tim hardly considers himself dangerous, wearing his coffee-stained sweats and a t-shirt he's pretty sure he threw on backwards in his haste.

It's not like Dick had phoned ahead before battering down his front door and announcing his apartment was now a safehouse for the BPD. The only consolation is that his unexpected guest, Jason, looks as uncomfortable as Tim feels.

"Help yourself," he offers meekly.

"Thanks," Jason says, eyeing Tim up and down. He tells himself the shiver that laces up his spine is from having a mob lackey dropped in his kitchen at three a.m.

Tim scrubs at his undercut, for lack of anything better to ease the tension. "Did Dick say how long you were crashing here?"

Jason shakes his head, lips pursed. "A few nights, maybe. I can take the couch, if that suits you."

Mind struggling to work through the logistics of sharing his one-bedroom apartment on such short notice, Tim steps back to let Jason pass into the living room. The couch squeaks under his weight, and Tim follows, snagging the least-rumpled cushion from his armchair to offer Jason.

"Not that I don't appreciate the company," Tim says, watching Jason set the cushion aside and bend down to pick at the laces of his boots, "but did Dick give a reason why you couldn't stay with him?"

"Wouldn't be witness protection if I bunkered down with the cop I'm snitching to, would it?" Jason mutters, the bitterness ripe. Tim frowns, unable to parse what emotion underlies his tone before Jason shrugs off his jacket and Tim is distracted by the muscles that line the man's arms.

Jason is covered in tattoos, sleeves inked from wrist to shoulder. Barbed wire weaves through his collar bones, leaves growing from the barbs; reminiscent of weeds growing out of concrete cracks. It's a beautiful piece, accenting his stature and drawing Tim's eyes to the expanse of his chest when he strips his shirt off.

Tim looks away, cheeks blazing, as Jason looks into the darkness of the hallway, eyes searching. "Have you got a shower I can use?"

"First door on the left," Tim answers, pointing into the darkness. He exhales when Jason shoulders past him, purposefully squashing down the urge to look at the man's retreating back. The temptation lingers, until the door latches behind Jason and Tim digs the heels of his hands into his eyes.

It's going to be a dangerous few days.

[thunder-shadow]

It’s really fascinating when you think about how much Earth has been through.  He went through a lot of phases and exprerinced a lot of stuff since he was created. The impact Hypothesis from being a hot ball of lava and magma to gaining his first life form and being a pale orange dot, the first ice age covered in complete ice and snow, Pangea and the dino era, the asteroid that killed the dinos- that made the Earth hot and covered in smoke and gas thus blocking the Sun rays from entering the Atmosphere and being covered in eternal darkness, the second ice age and then finally the Earth we know Today. But in spite of going through mass extinctions and Catastrophic/Apocalyptic disasters, Earth still manages to retain life. Life didn’t just manage to survive but thrives as well. Being the only planet that got to not only attain life but sustain it for this long in the face of all the challenges and adversity is magnificent. Not to mention the diverse habitats and ecosystems. Earth is just so beautiful and cool. Not to mention all the secrets we haven’t discovered yet, years f history yet to be uncovered, too bad we humans have the habit of destroying everything that’s good. 

Anyway, this is mostly a rant about why Earth is my fav character, with Luna being my second- ofc can’t have Earth without Luna they’re a package deal. I saw the ask from your twitter and thought I’d say my reason, maybe you might resonate with it. Ofc the Solarballs Earth character despite being a jerk has a lot of layers and complexity. He isn’t just a black or white character, which makes him so great. It also being our home planet, also plays a factor. He also just has a lot of angst potential, coupled with his depression, BPD, suicidal thoughts/tendency, the constant pain from earthlings, abandonment issues, etc.

And I love how you characterise Earth in your fic, although it may not always be in line with his canon personality, it’s still close enough to how he’d act. Also the earthlings interactions in you Ghe fic, need more of that. Love you fics,  infinite kudos <3

(Ignore me always sending you long asks, it wasn’t supposed to be this long. I always get carried away when I’m excited)

lol ur fine with the long asks

i never feel like im characterizing any of the characters right no matter how hard i try 🤷🏼‍♀️ but i still try and write them despite the anxiety it gives me 😭😭

and yess he's been through sm..... i love him sm 😭😭