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thesilmarillionblog · 3 days

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𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part: 5

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, hurt, PTSD, violence, mentally unstable Soldier Boy, anger issues, Soldier Boy hates everyone, Countess is a bitch

Word Count: 3032

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

Present, 2022

Butcher grinned and added, “Lift your asses up, boys. We're heading to Russia. Let's see what's being hidden there that could kill.. Cuntlander.”

Butcher had been looking for any other way to terminate Homelander and was working hard to get the chance to succeed. Butcher's past was clear after everything that transpired with Stormfront, but he didn't like the quiet. He still had unfinished business with Homelander. He was willing to take a chance and find a way out, but he wasn't sure if his plan would work out well. He would fuck around and find out.

It wasn't challenging to enter the Russian basement with Temp V on his body and the boys around. When they stood near the well-guarded metal object that concealed the potential end of Homeland, they took extreme caution. They all were aware of that was their final shot. Butcher didn’t know what could he done more to end Homelander.

Kimiko and Frenchie retreated a step as Butcher approached and removed the metal object's door with ease. Frenchie's gun-wielding fingers clenched, and Kimiko attempted to peek inside the box. As the strong smoke began to reduce, MM's eyes grew wide with horror, his heart paced with distress. Butcher leaned forward and muttered, “Soldier Boy.”

Ben removed the handcuffs and the object from his face with ease as his senses began to awaken. His legs felt like jelly, and he was holding on to the metal object he was in. He couldn’t see a shit at first; everything was blurry as fuck. When he began to realize the real gravity of what was happening, he understood that he was completely naked. He was being watched intently by a few people around him. He blinked in confusion, sensing immense power beneath his chest. His muscles began to tense with fury.

“It’s okay,” one of them said with a calm voice.

That fucking calm voice, Ben thought. It was the same tone as the fucking scientists who tortured and poisioned him for years, like they were studying a fucking little rat. They were all going to pay for what they did to him.

Ben experienced an immediate increase in warmth and energy in his chest. As he exploded, he let out a painful shout and felt a wave of relief afterwards. Fuck, he thought. What the fuck was that? What they have done to him? He was aware that he had to leave the region as soon as possible. He needed to get out from the lab as quickly as he could before they caught them again.

Ben then remembered you. He was informed that Vought had punished you for treason by shipping you to Russia in a metal box where you would be subjected to the same smoke that he had breathed for decades. You were nowhere to be found, even though he tried his hardest to locate and rescue you. When he realized that fucking Crimson Countess had betrayed him, it was too fucking late. She would be the first to die.

He would track them down and rip their limbs off for their betrayal. Stan Edgar would be the fucking second among them, if he was still alive. He had to find you first, though. He didn’t know what exactly happened to you. He didn’t want to think the possiblity of your betrayal. Ben had done unforgottable things to you, hurt your heart pretty bad, after all. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Ben stuck into an airport after he stole some clothes and illegally boarded a passenger plane bound for America, New York. It was the city that he had known you had been last time he remembered. However, he got confused seeing huge buildings and crowd. The city was nothing like he remembered at all; there was huge screen around, everywhere. Ben paused for a moment and thought what he should do. Everything he knew had changed and he didn’t feel like fit in there.

A nearby location played Russian music on the radio that Ben heard as he wandered down Manhattan's street. He recalled all of the torture and shit he had endured over the years. Back in Russia, he experienced the same overwhelming sensation in his chest. He struggled to control this new power without drawing attention to himself or doing any harm, but the terrible memories overpowered him so much that he was unable to control it and let out a loud groan as he exploded.

“Oh fuck,” Ben whispered when he opened his eyes. Maybe he needed to find Legend first to make a start somewhere before he exploded the whole country. Fuck, he needed you.

Butcher and MM were too late when they arrived in New York, where Soldier Boy exploded. Their eyes widened with shock, seeing the entire building burn out. There were at least ten corpses around the building. It was a big fucking mess. Butcher’s chest overwhelmed with remorse. He was the one to free Soldier Boy after all. But there were no place for soft heart at that moment.

“Where could he have fucking gone?” Butcher murmered as he wandered around, overwhelmed by the chaos in the street and hearing cryings. He wasn’t sure at this point if Soldier Boy was really controllable or not.

“Who else lives in this city?” MM said, raising his eyebrows. “Think about it.”

Butcher’s eyes widened with excitement, and he said, “Legend.”

Legend was drinking his visky in joy when Butcher, MM, and Hughie knocked on his door out of the blue. He resisted letting them in after seeing Butcher among them, but he eventually gave up and invited them in.

“I swear on my kids,” Legend said, raising both hands up. “I haven’t seen Soldier Boy.”

“You hate your kids.”

“Well, you’d hate them too if they were your kids,” said Legend with an irritated voice.

“Fuck, stop being stubborn. Nothing will happen to you. I give you my word,” MM said, trying his best to convince him to talk. Butcher’s patience was also growing thin.

“Your word? He gave his word too once. I fucking lost my leg.” Legend snapped suddenly, showing off his prosthetic leg and waving it on the air.

“You’ll have to order another one if you keep talking like that old man,” said Butcher, getting up from his couch.

“Let’s calm down,” said Hughie. He got anxious because of the heat of the moment, but nobody gave a damn about him at all, so remained silent.

Legend sighed as he kept sipping his visky, and he murmered “I thought I'd seen a ghost. Fuck, he never aged a day, despite his long, odd beard. He just took his suit, nothing more.”

MM and Butcher exchanged a look.

“It seems like he demanded something,” Butcher stated, casting Legend a wary glance.

“Well, he requested the address of the Crimson Countess. I don't know, but he appeared quite furious. I don't expect to have an enjoyable visit.”

Ben learnt that Countess had been living in a trailer before he arrived. Thankfully, it was very easy to locate the bitch. His heart filled with anger seeing she lived her life while we was burn and tortured for decades. Before he entered the trailer, Ben had seen the same cocksucker back in Russia. His eyes narrowed in confusion. He had a very punchable face.

“You’re the same asshole in the lab,” Ben said with a questioning voice.

“Yeah. I am the asshole who let you out. Your lovey-dovey countess is inside the trailer. All yours. Consider it a good gesture of faith,” said Butcher giving him a sly glance.

“Good faith for what?” Ben asked in an arrogant voice, ignoring his little stupid comment about Countess. Ben didn’t even know that cocksucker, but he had a lot of things to do, and he didn’t have time for games. He couldn’t rely on anyone either.

“I was thinking, you and I might come to an arrangement, you know.”

Ben didn’t say a word as he walked by him and went inside the trailer.

“Ben?” Crimson called him with a shaky voice. Her hands were in chains, and she was looking at him with fear. The place she lived looked pathetic to his eyes. Ben’s heart was filled with immense hatred seeing her face after all those years. How could he even spend a minute with her? “You look so young.”

“You don’t.” Without letting her talk, he inhaled deeply and asked with a calm voice, “Why did you even sell me out? How much did Russians pay you?”

“I wasn’t paid,” Countess said, closing her eyes with shame and fear. She never thought this day would come.

“What?” Ben blinked his eyes in confusion.

“What did you thought would happen? Everyone hated you so fucking much,” she went on while she was looking at him with despise. “It wasn’t my idea, but I wish it was,” she said cruelly. Ben’s grip on his shield grew tighter as she spit hatred towards him.

You also warned him that Countess would be the first to betray him if he continued to behave as he used to. It felt like it had been a day ago when you had that talk, and it was painful to realize how correct you were. He bet you would die to see his face right now.

He didn’t care what she or others felt towards him at that moment, though.

“Where is Y/N?” he asked with a firm voice as he got closer.

With a sly smile, Crimson raised her eyebrows, saying, “How could I know this? But she’s most likely napping. Perhaps in China, perhaps in Russia, who knows.”

Every time she spoke, Ben's chest grew warmer, but he had to maintain his composure in order to get to know your location. ��She was already off the team. What the fuck have they done to her? And Why?”

“If anything bad did happen to her, it was due to her own naivety,” Crimson snapped. “You were the only person they intended to capture, but they also wanted to ensure that no one would come to your rescue. She tried to save you, and that was a big mistake.”

With one quick motion, Ben grabbed her throat, his glowing chest continuing, he knew it was getting out of control, but he couldn’t stop it. “I asked you a fucking question, and you'll fucking answer me,” he repeated while still strangling her.

She was attempting desperately to free herself from his strong hold, but she remained helpless, his strenght was unmatchable. Ben continued to choke her and ask the same question, and she closed her eyes in misery.

“You’ll never know. You lost the only person who wanted to rescue you. Good luck with living with this,” Countess whispered with a weak voice. Not being able to control himself anymore, Ben exploded with an angry growl.

He walked out of the trailer with a heavy heart. He considered the awful experiences you may have had for decades because of him. Despite everything he had done to you, you still loved him and attempted to rescue him. However, all he gave you was pain and suffering. You may be in a container of metal or suffering from torture right now while he was free. Feeling his shield becoming heavier in his hands, he tried to process what was happening. He fucking had let you down. He has never felt so lost.

He didn't know where to look for you because he was unfamiliar with the modern world. Even if he was still the strongest supe, he didn't feel that way at that point in time. He knew he would never give up looking for you, even if he had no idea how to find you. There was nothing that could stop him.

Ben turned to face the cocksucker who had been following after his balls since yesterday after sensing that someone had been observing him.

“It seems that you require a place to stay, don't you? After all, you are currently the state's greatest enemy.” With an encouraging smile, Butcher added, “You need our help.” He was closely gauging Soldier Boy's facial reactions.

Ben nodded and followed him out to his car. Hughie and Butcher exchanged a look and both sighed with relief that Soldier Boy wasn't hostile or anything.

Ben was given a cheeseburger and anything he wanted, including cocaine, some pills, and a drink, by Butcher in the morning. Ben needed to be in business and in shape, and he needed his fucking energy back.

Ben continued eating his hamburger and said, “So, what exactly in the world do you two fuckfaces fucking want from me?”

Hughie turned to face Soldier Boy's enormous shield and used all of his strength to try to raise it. It was so freaking heavy that even with his best efforts, he could not get it to move an inch.

Ben angrily commanded, “Hands of the fucking shield,” to which Hughie responded with a shy smile and a mumbled apology.

“We will assist you in locating your former teammates who betrayed you,” Butcher stated bluntly as he settled into the seat. “so that you can take your revenge.”

Ben instantly dropped the hamburger and furrowed his brows in suspicion. “But how can you manage to track them down?”

With hesitation, Hughie walked up to Ben and smiled slightly, saying, “Internet, GPS, Google Maps—you can find anyone with those things.”

Ben’s heart paced with hope as the bottom-faced guy said strange words. They could find Crimson even before him, after all. Maybe finding you wouldn’t be so hard. He had no other choice after all.

“You made those words up,” Ben said, not sure if they were talking true shit or just trying to deceive him.

“Those words are real words.”

“The kid’s right,” Butcher said as he gave a sly smile to Ben. “We will find every single member of Payback, so you can have your revenge.”

“And what do you cocksuckers want in return?” Ben asked rudely.

“We just want you to add one single person to the list. The cunt’s name is ‘Homelander’”

“Alright,” Ben responded without raising any further concerns. He wouldn't bargain when it was your life he was talking about. He could easily kill one more jackass; he'd killed plenty already. “But who is he? I’ve seen his pictures.”

When Soldier Boy didn't even hesitate, Butcher and Hughie sighed with relief and were unable to control their big smiles.

“He’s the new you,” Butcher said with a smirk.

“No one’s the new me, pal,” Ben answered with pride and arrogance, but deep down, knowing he was betrayed by his own country and team, he couldn’t help feeling a bit insecure. Nevertheless, he surpassed his feelings with a smile.

So, that was it. His nation used him in every operation, every war, and anything that required a supe, but they treated him like a worthless piece of trash in return, repaying him with disloyalty. Despite everything he had done for his nation, he was ignored and treated like a rat in a lab. He realized at this point that you were the one person who had never betrayed him and that you were the only one who would care about him. He made a promise to himself that he would make everyone pay for how they treated him and you, and he would make sure you and him would rule this modern world together.

“Let me to test you. What functions does your so-called internet offer?” Ben asked Hughie seriously, changing the subject.

“Alright. It can display images, films from all eras. You can even see the space through Internet,” Hughie answered, attempting to seem straightforward and sound simple like he was talking to a child so as not to confuse him. “You can learn everything from it. Billions of people are having their job done through Internet.”

Fuck, Ben thought. How the fuck he was supposed to save you through Internet thing? He was so fucking unfamiliar with that bullshit.

“Is there a way to see a photo of a Payback member?” Ben got up and asked. The excitement in his voice was obvious.

“Absolutely. You can even find more information about them on several websites.”

Soldier Boy was watching very carefully when Hughie asked him the name he was interested in, and Hughie then showed him your images, saying “Here.”

Ben quickly grabbed Hughie's phone and gazed at your photo with a heavy heart. Fuck, he thought to himself. Undoubtedly, the term ‘internet’ was real and it fucking knew everything. He felt helpless at that point, since he had missed you so much. To find you, he would kill anybody those fuckers needed him to.

“I need to find her,” Ben whispered, showing your picture to both of them right to their eyes like they were blind or something. “If you help me find her, I’ll help you two fuckers kill that guy, Homelander. That’s the fucking deal.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

A/N: Consider this chapter as a transition chapter. Sorry, if it is bad. I kinda didn’t like it personally, but here we are. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! ♡♡♡

Taglist: @mostlymarvelgirl @xmariakx @spnfamily-j2 @suspicious-stain-in-spain @atomicsoulcollecto @yvonneeeee @starryperson @mfnqueen1 @chaand-sitara @boywivlove @stilinskisthings

Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series! -`♡´-

#soldier boy #jensen ackles #soldier boy x reader #the boys series #the boys #jensen ackles soldier boy #the boys tv #the boys season 3 #soldier boy the boys #the boys amazon #the boys soldier boy #soldier boy fic #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy x you #the boys x reader

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redroomreflections · 1 day

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Not Easily Broken Chapter 6

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Natasha and Reader go through a tragic divorce

Masterlist | General Masterlist

6/10

Note: Yes,i know the picture has a watermark. it's 2 am.

W/c: 4.2k (less painful to edit!)

Rating: M (Minors DNI; angst, fluff, smut, heartbreak, heart fix? the best ending for them coming soon)

You don’t know how long you’ve stared at the blank paper. Its thin blue lines taunted you. The questions on the tiny notebook assigned to you were intimidating. You’re sitting here, at the kitchen counter, nursing a mug of tea and looking down at the paper. This is the first part of the assignment. Once you’re going to fail. There are several steps Cheryl gave to get things going for both of you. Answer the questions. Find something both of you like to do. Discuss them together. That should be easy, right? Wrong. It’s been four days and counting and you have yet to write anything. Not that there’s nothing to write. No. You have a lot to say. It just can’t be on paper. Neither of you has been good at expressing your thoughts. You’re worse. You come from a family where conflict was solved with abandonment and passive aggressiveness. Two things you do quite well. This venture into vulnerability is foreign. You’re afraid of being the bad guy again. You don’t want to address the unknown. What if even after all of this you and Natasha don’t work out?

You’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting the past week. There’s always something in the back of your mind that says you’re ruining her life again. You’re ruining your children’s lives. Everything you worked for you ruined. This time would be different. You’re coming into this with a clear head and a fresh perspective. You want your life back. You want your wife back. You want your family. It’s not like you cheated. You didn’t step out of your relationship. You sometimes wish it were so easy. Maybe then your actions can be excused. That’s not the correct way to say it. Cheating is never excusable. You guess it would have been another way to avoid accountability. You blame yourself every day for what happened. Even then guilt is not enough.

You sigh. Back to the questions. You hold the pencil in your hand—first question.

“You lead separate lives despite living in the same household.” You read aloud. Wow. Okay. That’s a tough one right off the bat. It’s relevant. It makes sense considering the context. You write yes. You move on to the second question. “You mostly speak about finances or household chores. Question three you have sex less than once weekly.” You stop your reading right there. You’re three for three. If this is how this is going you’re going to be in therapy for a while.

Were things really that bad? You wonder if Natasha is thinking the same things.

Across town, Natasha is indeed wondering the same things. She’s just finished up her run for the morning, having gotten the kids out of the door and off to school, and now she has the morning to herself. She’s sitting on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table, as the notebook rests in her lap. She pushes her glasses further up her nose.

“Sex less than once weekly?” She reads. ‘Sex never’. She writes. It’s true. Besides the phone sex last week she doesn’t remember the last time you two were so intimate. Well, she can. Emma’s fifth birthday party. She would hardly count that as something to brag about. While you’re skilled in the bedroom, she felt dirty afterward. She felt used in a way she wasn’t all that willing to share with you. Sex with you has always meant so much more to her. She hopes it’s the same for you. She doesn’t think about it for too long. She can’t dwell on the fact that her body aches for you. Natasha Romanoff knows her worth. She is aware she could go out and find anyone to fuck. She doesn’t have to go far truthfully. She doesn’t want that. It’s kind of pathetic and she would never admit it to anyone.

Natasha is about to answer another question for the checklist when the doorbell rings. She glances at it, hoping that whoever it is will go away when the ringing becomes more insistent. Natasha rolls her eyes, slamming the book down against the coffee table, to go and answer the door. She swings it open, ready to give whomever it is a piece of her mind when she stops. She crosses her arms and glowers at her visitor suspiciously.

“Romanoff,” Richard grins at her. “Don’t you look swell?” He admires her messy hair, tank top, and running shorts. He waves a file in his hand. “I have work.” He offers her one of the coffees in his and she takes it.

“I thought we were meeting at the tower,” Natasha drops her hands from the door. She walks away without offering him a second glance. He would follow. What she doesn’t see is him checking out her ass as he steps inside. He closes the door behind with and walks with her toward the living room.

“I thought this was much better,” Richard shrugs. “I was in the neighborhood.”

“I’m sure you were,” Natasha rolls her eyes. “Okay, give me a minute to change and I’ll be right back down. I have a couple of notes over there.” She waves her hand somewhere in the room. Though Richard is an asshole she knows he won’t do anything to put her in danger. She leaves him to his own devices to change out of her workout gear. Not that her new outfit would be much better.

Richard stands, walks over to the couch to sit, and places the file on the coffee table. He spots the notebook she’s been writing in. It’s safe to assume it’s the one she permitted him to read. It’s not.

“Healthy relationship checklist,” He reads to himself. “No sex?” He whistles. Wow. That’s disappointing.

“I’m going to have to ban you from my house soon,” Natasha calls down the stairs. He quickly places the notebook back where he found it. Natasha comes into the living room in a simple blue blouse and slacks. She glances at the notebook, noting that it’s moved a few inches, and tsking. “Richard, seriously, you’re my partner. One I didn’t want. At least have the decency of giving me privacy.”

“I’m sorry I was curious,” He raises his hands in surrender. “If it makes you feel any better I haven’t done it in a while either.”

“No, it doesn’t make me feel any better,” Natasha shakes her head. “And I don’t believe you. You’re looking at a sexual harassment complaint and a broken nose if we keep talking about this.”

“Fine,” He shakes his head. “I just think you deserve better.” At Natasha’s warning look he clamps his mouth shut. “I need a consult. Fury wants the entire team on this case but we need your expertise.”

“Why would you need my expertise?” Natasha sits across from him. She takes the file, flipping through the pages before she shakes her head. “What is this?”

“A recruitment center,” Richard describes. “Someone is recruiting young girls to be assassins. Training them to go out and do their bidding. We want to know the best way to, uh, get in there and get out.” He gestures.

Natasha frowns. They could have very well asked Melina Yelena or anyone but her. She’s not an expert on brainwashed children. She only knows so much. Even then she provides him with an answer.

“You’re going to need to get someone on the inside obviously,” She says. “Preferably someone young. Wanda Maximoff could pass. She gets in. Find out who knows what. You protect her with your life. Make sure she feels safe at all times. Know that if it’s as bad as this film reads some of them will die.”

“That’s dark,” Richard comments.

“Well, it’s not all sunshine and roses,” Natasha mumbles. She sets the file back down. “Is that all you needed from me?”

“Well, yeah,” Richard nods.

“Well, I’d like to be alone in my home now,” Natasha says none too politely. She passes him the large envelope. They both stand. She walks him to the door and to both their surprises you’re on the other side. You’re a bit off-put by Richard being there.

“I’m sorry,” You shake your head. “I stopped by to..” You trail off.

“Y/n, so good to see you,” Richard offers you a fake smile that you don’t return.

“He’s leaving,” Natasha makes a face at him. She wasn’t really in the mood for this nonexistent love triangle thing that goes on every time you’re all in the same space. Not that it matters to her. Richard would never be someone that is on her romantic radar. Not when she only has eyes for you.

“Right, leaving,” Richard nods. He’s about to make a joke when Natasha punches him before he can even open his mouth. He holds his sore arm, offering her an “ow!” Before he shakes his head. He walks down the stairs and to his car without another word.

Natasha’s gaze returns to you and the brown paper bag you have in your hands.

“Is that for me?” She asks and you nod silently. Seeing her with Richard does things to you. You follow her into the house where she closes and locks the door. She takes the bag from your hands to set it on the hallway table. You’re not sure who makes the first move but Natasha is in your arms, kissing you, feeling you, and walking backward toward the couch. Your hands are everywhere on her body. You feel the skin under her shirt, down her sides, and her hips, as you push her gently to lie down on the couch. Your kiss is hungry and rough and full of passion. She moans at the feel of your weight atop her. She kisses you back. When your hand slides up her shirt, pinching her nipple through the sports bra she’s wearing, she rips her lips from yours to moan. Her cries go straight to your core. You’re lying here between her legs, kissing her neck now, and holding her right where you want her. Natasha enjoys your touch. It excites her. It makes her feel wanted. She raises her hand to place it over yours.

“Y/n,” Natasha begs. She doesn’t know exactly what for. She imagines it would be so easy to allow you to take her right here. Right now. The kids aren’t home. There’s no one here to stop her. Even so, she can’t help the nagging feeling at the back of her mind. “Y/n.” The tone of her voice stops you in your tracks. You lift to look into her concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You ask. You take in her kiss-swollen lips, her mussed hair, and her flushed skin. She looks so damn sexy.

“You did this last time,” Natasha points out. Her voice is small and barely there. You can tell she’s trying to keep the conflict at a minimum. You give her a confused look. What was she talking about? “It’s… it’s stupid.” She shakes her head. “I can't help but notice. Every time Richard comes around you feel the need to stake your claim in some way.”

“I don’t do that,” You scoff. She gestures to the spot on her neck that’s formed into a slight purple bruise. When did you do that? You deflate, sitting up, removing yourself from her embrace. You take deep breaths. Were you doing that to her?

“I didn’t want to bring it up to upset you,” Natasha instantly misses your touch. She fixes her shirt, adjusts her bra, and moves to sit closer to you. “I don’t want you to want me because someone else does.”

“Do you seriously think that?” You question. “Nat, baby,” You breathe. “I want you because I missed you. I want you because I find you attractive. I want you because you’re everything.” You take her hand in yours. “I don’t want you to think I’m doing it to show ownership over you. That’s not something I want.”

“I want to be yours,” Natasha confesses quietly. “Just not like that.”

“I understand,” You nod. Natasha kisses your pouting lips. You smile. The notebook on the coffee table catches your eye. “So you’ve been doing the assignment.”

“I have,” Natasha glances at the paper.

“It’s pretty eye-opening,” You say and she nods in agreement. “I didn’t think things were that bad for us. I mean, I know, we got a divorce. I just…it puts things into perspective.”

“It does,” Natasha runs a hand through her hair.

“I want this to work for us,” You admit. “I’m sorry. I am. I want us to work.”

“Me too,” Natasha kisses your lips again. “Did you bring your book? We could go over some of the questions now.”

“I did,” You say as you reach over her legs to the bags you brought. You pull out the book, cracking it open to the page you’ve written on, while Natasha opens hers. “So, I’ve realized a lot of these are things we’ve done at the beginning of our relationship. We seemed to enjoy each other then. Pre-kids I guess.”

“Hmm,” Natasha hums.

“Okay, this question,” You go to one you haven’t answered yet. “Please be truthful. Don’t hold back because you think it’s going to hurt my feelings.” Natasha nods. She could do that. “Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner?”

Natasha bites her lip. “I have always felt I could be myself with you. There were times I didn’t think I could. That maybe I needed to play a part to, um, make you happy.”

“I felt the same way,” You mumble. “Nat, I’m -”

“You’re sorry that’s understandable,” She shakes her head. “It’s something we have to work on. I love you for you. I’ve always loved you for you.”

“I’ve always been attracted to everything about you,” You begin. “I’ve always loved your personality. Your tenacity. Your humor. Your ability to be vulnerable.” Natasha blushes under your intense gaze. She takes her pen to write a few things before moving on to the next question.

“You rarely hug, hold hands, or touch each other in a non-sexual way,” She reads aloud. There’s a silence that neither of you breaks. “The butt rubs stopped.” She points out.

“What?” You look at her in surprise. “I guess they have. Was that the first indicator that something was wrong with you?”

“It was one,” Natasha shrugs. “I just thought you needed space and it’s not always a sexual thing but we stopped touching each other. It wasn’t only you. I stopped too.”

“Damn,” You curse under your breath. “We could try it now? I mean, one of our exercises was extended cuddling time. Now would be the perfect opportunity.” You offer and Natasha likes that idea. She takes both notebooks to sets them down on the table. You lie down first and she crawls on top of you. Her head rests on your chest, your arms wrap around her waist, and you simply hold each other. Your shared breathing and warmth lull you to a place of comfort. Natasha wriggles her butt, silently asking for your hands on her, and you oblige. You reach down, and your right hand travels over the slope of her soft, supple behind, before you rub. It’s tentative touches at first. Just a simple swipe of your hand before your rubs turn into kneading. You massage the covered flesh in your hands and Natasha hums.

“I missed this,” She mutters into your chest. She peeks her head up at you. Her eyes travel from your eyes to your lips. She follows through with whatever thought she’s having and she kisses you. Her kiss is gentle and reassuring. She lingers, her lips brushing against yours before she opens her eyes again. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” You kiss her again. “So much, Natasha.” She smiles widely. She can’t describe how happy she feels right now. She’s here with you, in your arms, and there’s no other place she’d rather be. Her happiness surges to something else entirely. Suddenly all she wants is you. She kisses you again, deeper, harder, this time it’s all teeth and tongue. She sucks her bottom lips into your mouth, eliciting a moan from deep inside you and your grip on her ass loosens.

“We shouldn’t,” She breathes between kisses.

“You’re right,” You nod in agreement. “Though she did say we could.”

“It’s not like we need permission,” Natasha smirks. “We’ve done this before.”

You shrug. She may be right.

“Which means I know how to get creative,” You flip the both of you over in one swift move. You adjust Natasha against the pillows, her hair fanning out under her, as you lie beside her legs. “Interesting choice of attire today.”

“It was either this or the workout gear,” She laughs.

“It’s okay, makes it more fun,” You take nimble fingers to the buttons of her blouse. Natasha watches as you unbutton to reveal her smooth skin. “Tell me to stop.” You say but she doesn’t say a word.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” She challenges. You slide your fingers under her bra cap, feeling her nipple harden under your palm, and she shivers.

“I’ve always liked you,” You joke and she nips at your chin. “I love you.” You correct and she hums. Much better. You twist her nipple, bordering on harsh, and Natasha practically jumps out of her skin. God, she’s missed this. You lean your head down, pushing the cup to the side, to suck her rosy nipple into your mouth. You swirl your tongue, alternating between licking and sucking and Natasha drops her head against the pillows again. You make sloppy sucking noises, only proving to turn her on further, as she rests a hand over your head to keep you there. “I want to make you cum.” You release her nipple with a pop.

Natasha is a grown woman. She likes sex. She enjoys sex. She’s about to throw away all of her reservations and tell you to do whatever. You offer an alternative. You button her slacks, zipping them down far enough for your hands to reach inside and you slide in. Your fingers ghost over the lips of her panties, pushing to feel the wetness seeping through, and Natasha preens.

“Like this then?” You say and she nods. That makes it more fun. You rake your nails over Natasha's pussy, finding the small nub peeking through the fabric, and you pay the most attention to that. Natasha arches her back and forces you to press against her deeper. “You like that baby?” You ask. “Is this what you wanted?” You ask as you work your magic through the cotton of her panties. Natasha nods her head, mouth open, eyes closed in complete pleasure.

“Ngh,” She moans her words caught in her throat, as she rocks her hips into your fingers. It feels so damn good. This entire act may seem a bit immature but she doesn’t care. Your fingers are on her, practically inside of her, and even with the thin barrier of her underwear she feels everything. You are firm in your movements. You’re purposeful with every circling of your fingers. Your movements go from small tight circles to wide and rough as Natasha moans louder. “Yes,” She hisses between her teeth. “Yes.”She whines and you know she’s close.

“Chase it, baby,” You encourage. “You’re so pretty like this. At my mercy.” You continue. “The perfect doll. So open and wet for me.” You kiss her bare shoulder, her neck, her chest. Anywhere you can reach. It feels so dirty here. The smell of her sex reaching your nose. The sound of shuffling and moving against the cushions is the only thing heard in the entire house. You want to give Natasha this. You need to give it to her. “My pretty girl. I want to make you my pretty wife again.” You find yourself saying and it’s the right thing. Natasha stiffens, and her left hand comes to grip your right arm as her hips thrust against your fingers. Even through her panties, you can feel the sudden gush of wetness from her. Natasha whimpers pitifully as you talk her through it. “That’s it, baby. I know. Your pussy feels so good.” You whisper closer to her ear. When she finally comes down, Natasha falls limp against the cushions and you catch her. You remove your fingers from her pants, resting them by her side, as you watch the rise and fall of her chest. Natasha opens her eyes a moment later, a bit startled by the fact that you’re watching her, and she shakes her head. You kiss her swollen lips.

“You did so well for me,” You praise and delight in her skin turning into an even redder shade. “I liked seeing you cum.”

“Stop,” Natasha groans. You chuckle. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me for your orgasm,” You deny her. “I had fun doing it. I’d like to do it again soon. Maybe with that strap, you’ve been asking for.”

“I’d like that.” Natasha nods.

“This didn’t change things for you right?” You question and she tilts her head. “I mean to say that I meant what I said about making you my wife. It wasn’t just something I was saying to get you off.”

“It worked either way,” She quips. “I want that too. With you. Someday.”

“Good,” You smile. You trade kisses with Natasha, noting her sudden fatigue until you fall asleep in each other’s arms. You weren’t exactly intending to but you know you both need it.

************

A few hours later you’re awakened by the sound of the front door unlocking. The kids are home. You awaken first, tapping Natasha awake, and she only nuzzles into your body further. She’s not ready to move away.

“Unbelievable,” Yelena Belova’s voice interrupts your bliss. You both pop up to see the blonde standing over the two of you with a look of disgust on her face. “I can’t believe it.” Yelena shakes her head.

“Mommy!” Emma and Ryan chorus. Natasha makes quick work of buttoning up her shirt and pants without them seeing. It’s Yelena who notices and shakes her head.

“Is this why you wanted me to pick them up?” Yelena asks but then she drops Emma’s backpack onto the ground. “You know what, I’m leaving, I don’t even care.” She heads for the front door. You watch in trepidation as Natasha races after her.

“Yelena,” Natasha calls after her younger sister. “Yelena, you’re acting like a child.”

“And you’re being stupid,” The woman insults. She turns back to Natasha with a disappointed look on her face. “You can’t think one quick fuck is going to make her stay. She left you. She left your kids. I can’t fucking believe this.”

“Yelena, that’s enough,” Natasha speaks firmly. “You don’t know what’s going on.”

“Well I have eyes,” Yelena argues back. “ I think I can see.”

“She’s my wife,” Natasha pleads with her sister to understand.

“No,” Yelena rants. “She’s your ex-wife that broke your heart.”

“And she’s trying to make things better,”

“And just like that, you believe her? You’re smarter than that, Natasha.” Yelena scolds her sister. Natasha doesn’t speak. “Don’t call me when she decides she doesn’t want to play house anymore.” Yelena walks away after that.

Natasha watches as her sister gets into her car and drives down the street. How was she supposed to respond to that? She turns back toward the house to see you standing on the steps waiting for her.

“That was intense,” You comment. Natasha nods. You hold out your arms for her to step into them. She hides her face in your neck.

“Am I being stupid?” She mumbles into your neck and you almost miss it.

“No, Natasha,” You assure her.

“Don’t make me look stupid,” She pleads. “I won’t survive it this time.”

“Me either,” You hold her.

You wouldn’t give this up again. You understand that Natasha’s family has a right to be cautious. They have a right to hate you. You could only hope that they see that you’re trying.

---> next part

#natasha romanoff #black reader #natasha x reader #black widow x reader #black widow x female reader #natasha romanov #natasha x you #natsxaddiction #natasha romanoff smut

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magnificentstrawberryomen · 20 hours

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Indisposed (Noah Sebastian fanfiction) chapter five

18+

Autors note: i truly love yall's reactions to this story so far, it makes me laugh but also feel so happy as well 😂 :) also just a heads up a big part of this chapter is very nsfw, you have been warned gyuihojgv

chapter five

My head is spinning with thoughts and my heart is racing with feelings and sadness, so with a sigh I grab my cigarettes and dark red lighter-of course the lighter Noah once gave to me when we had a smoke break together, and I forgot to bring mine, he told me I could keep it-to climb onto my window still, sit on it, and light a cigarette. While doing so, I look outside, the wind softly blowing through my hair, staring at the moon at the midnight blue sky.

While I smoke, I am deep in thought. In a few hours, the world wakes up again, and I have to pretend that his night didn’t happen with Noah. That I am just his friendly friend-assistant that styles him and does his make up, nothing more. I have to pretend that I didn’t gain so many romantic feelings for him this night, we have to keep this night a secret and lock it up and never look at it again. But, am I capable of doing that?

I sigh when I put my cigarette out, breathing out the last bit of it out of the window. I decide to just climb into bed, to sleep and try to let this night pass as fast as possible.

As I try to fall asleep, it takes me at least an hour, feeling restless and still thinking too much. But after laying sleepless for a while, I finally, slowly, with pain around my heart, fall asleep.

The next morning arrives, and I groan when I try to put the alarm from my phone off. I sigh, rub my eyes, and stare at the ceiling for a while.

Immediately flashes of last night fill my mind-the afterparty, drunkenly stumbling into my hotel room with Noah, us talking, teasing each other, getting close, and finally having sex. And after that, the most intense conversation with him followed, the most emotional and heartfelt eye contact with him… making me realize I have completely and utterly fallen in love with Noah.

As the time passes, I blink and awake myself from my thoughts again, realizing I really have to get out of bed now. In a hurry, I get everything back into my suitcase, and when I get to the bathroom, last night fills my mind again. Noah standing behind me when I didn’t realize he had entered the bathroom, him teasing me, me teasing him back and making the first move, him seeing me naked for the first time… and of course everything that happened after that fills my mind again.

I shake my head, cursing, telling myself that I need to focus, and begin to brush my hair, putting in a headband to keep my hair out of my face and brush my teeth afterwards. I clean it up when I’m done and put all my stuff from my bathroom back into my suitcase as well.

I sigh deeply while I walk into the sleeping era from my hotel room again. I look into my suitcase, deciding what I can wear when we go back on the road again. My eyes get stuck on a black hoodie, a black hoodie Noah once gave to me when I was cold and had nothing warm to wear. I grab it, and can’t help but push my nose into it, and get a warm feeling inside when it smells just like him.

I also can’t help but put his hoodie on, it’s just too soft and comfortable… and at least his scent will be around me the whole time like a warm hug, a warm hug I can’t get from himself. When I’ve also put on jeans and my sneakers, I sigh nervously. There is one thing left to do… and that’s getting breakfast. But the thing that makes me so nervous about it… is that I always get breakfast with the band. Which means I have to face Noah again.

With a racing heart, I make my way towards the breakfast cafe after locking the door behind me. I nervously play with my fingers before I take a deep breath, walking towards the table where Noah and the rest of the band are already sitting. Okay, I got this. Just play it cool…

Noah is seated at the table with the others, all of them chatting and laughing with each other as usual, but he doesn’t seem engaged at all, which breaks my heart a little. His eyes then notice me walking up, but I can see that he pretends to sip his coffee like everything was normal.

`Hey, there she is!´ Nick already greets me, and I try to smile back as warmly as his voice sounds. I sit down at the table next to Nicholas, Jolly and Nick sit in front of us and Noah sits at the end of the table next to me. I can’t help but feel my own heart sink when Noah continues sipping his coffee, saying nothing to me,

`Goodmorning, Nick,´ I greet him back, forcing myself to smile.

`How’d you get any sleep?´ Nick asks me.

`It was… okay,´ I lie.

`Yeah, I know it was a hell of a party last night. You drank so much, ha-ha,´ Nick responds with a laugh.

I hear Jolly chuckle next to him, and he and Nick give each other a curtain look and smirk, and I raise my eyebrows a bit.

`Uh, yeah, let myself go there a little,´ I laugh awkwardly.

When Jolly and Nick keep giving each other looks and grins, I narrow my eyes.

`What’s so funny?´ I ask them.

`Nothing, Hailey, ignore those two children,´ Nicholas says while rolling his eyes, putting his fork down and poking Nick in his side after.

`Okay…´ I say with confusion, trying to eat some food, hoping that it will work with my nerves and all.

`It’s just that…´ Nick starts, making Jolly snort.

`Nick, no,´ Nicholas hisses, making Nick roll his eyes and laugh.

`What? If we weren’t supposed to know or say anything, why were they so loud last night?´ Nick says while shrugging.

I now look at Noah, hoping he understands any of this inside joke of theirs. His jaw tenses again, and he turns his head to glare at Nick to mumble under his breath: `Shut the hell up Nick…´

`Ah, c’mon man, we are happy that you two finally took the step,´ Nick says with a laugh, and my heart stops beating for a second while my head slowly turns red.

Oh no. Is that where this is all about…?

`Yeah, like, how long have you two been circling around each other now? Months?´ Jolly adds.

Noah’s jaw is starting to clench even more, his fist slightly clenching now as well. `I said, shut up…´ he says through gritted teeth, his gaze now growing even angrier at both Nick and Jolly. I begin to feel really, really uncomfortable.

`Nick, Jolly, shut the fuck up please,´ Nicholas says with annoyance, then looking at me and Noah with a worried look. Nicholas has always been the most mature, calm and caring person of the band, which is why he has become such a good friend and person to talk to through the past half year.

I just stare at my plate in embarrassment, and Nick and Jolly just mumble to each other underneath their breath, and I try my best to ignore it, unable to speak or move. I just keep on staring at my plate with the minutes ticking by, not knowing what to do, and I just cannot look at Noah at all right now-the whole table just turned silent and awkward.

I can feel Noah suddenly staring at me, and it all just becomes too much. `Excuse me,´ I mumble when I abruptly stand up, my chair slightly squeaking against the floor when I do so. I start walking away at a fast pace, desperately needing some fresh air in my lungs.

`I told you guys to just shut up about it. My god,´ I can still hear Nicholas mumble when I walk away, and when I hear another chair squeak, I know that Noah is following me.

I just walk out of the breakfast cafe at the first exit I see, entering a sort of garden visitors can sit in, full of long, bright trees, and colorful, big bright flowers. I spot a wooden bench in the middle of the small garden, tiles clicking underneath my sneakers when I walk towards it to sit down, trying to catch my breath properly.

I can see a shadow hovering over me, and when I look up I see Noah standing in front of me, the sun behind him shining on his soft brown hair, and I swallow. `Hi,´ I greet him quietly.

For a while, Noah just stands there, staring at me for a moment. His eyes seem hurt but also soft as he notices me wearing the hoodie he once gave to me. ‘Hey,’ he then finally responds, his voice soft and quiet.

‘How did you sleep?’ I manage to ask him.

‘Like the dead,’ he honestly answers me. ‘Although… I didn’t exactly wake up very well this morning….’

Noah’s eyes are avoiding mine a bit now, and I begin playing with the strings of his hoodie again. ‘Me neither,’ I sigh, and his head lowers a little when he hears my response.

‘We have to hit the road again in a few hours,’ I then say, trying to talk to him in a way I would normally do as he sits next to me on the wooden bench, because we have to pretend like nothing happened last night either way… right?

He looks away for a brief second, seeming to try to keep his emotions for himself and unexposed to me. ‘Uhm, yeah… right. The venue is only about an hour away, as I heard.’

‘Yeah… I’ve seen the schedule. So, since the venue will be more warm tonight, I’ve been thinking about changing some things about your guys outfits for tonight-not in a dramatic way or something, don’t worry. But since at some point you wear that black blouse, right, I’ve been thinking of giving you a black t-shirt underneath it for when it gets warm and you decide to take it off if you want to, maybe that one with the Bad Omens logo at the corner top? I don’t know yet,’ I just ramble on, trying to act as normally and casually as possible, as if today will be a normal day again.

Noah nods. ‘Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. That black t-shirt is a staple for sure. I like that one…’

‘Great. I’ll make sure it will be ready in your dressing room tonight.’ I try to sound enthusiastic, but know I fail a little. After that I just get quiet, not really knowing what to say anymore. I really suck at pretending.

I can feel him staring at me when I look down at my own hands, and I hear him take a deep breath, as if he needed to give himself courage, when he quietly asks me: ‘So… you’re going to be… normal with me now?’

‘I mean… I have no choice right?’ I ask him with a sad smile, a pang shooting me through the chest. ‘Show must go on. I’ll just be part of your team again… dress and style you... and that’s it. How it always has been.’

At first he can’t really respond to that, looking conflicted with himself and the situation, his fist slightly clenched. ‘Yeah… Guess so,’ he just mumbles, his head now turning away from mine.

My heart aches when I see him like this, so defeated, and clearly equally as sad about this whole situation as me. This isn’t how my teasing, joking, exciting and beaming Noah normally is around me… and it breaks my heart. His arms are crossed as he now looks at the sky.

‘I hope you know that…’ I sigh, struggling with finding the right words. ‘Last night wasn’t just nothing to me, Noah. It truly has been the best intimate moment I’ve ever had with someone,’ I gulp, trying to get myself to stay calm. ‘It’s just… with my and your position… I guess we just can’t.’

I get sad when he still doesn’t look back at me, and my hand slowly moves towards his knee… to just let it rest there in a gesturing manner… but I decide that that will only make things harder for us, so I just pull my hand back again.

‘I just… don’t know what else to say,’ I say with a hoarse voice, still hoping he will look back at me, but he still doesn’t while staying quiet. So I just slowly nod, standing up again. ‘I’ll be on the tour bus, we are about to leave in…’ I look at my watch, and sigh. ‘Half an hour.’

Noah just nods, still not facing me. ‘I’ll see you…’ he whispers, sounding like his voice is about to crack.

It hurts, it hurts so much that that’s the only response I get from him. Is that really all he has to say to me? After all that I just said to him?

`Yeah, see you,’ I mumble back, sounding hurt and frustrated, slowly walking away from him.

‘No wait-please don’t,’ I hear Noah whisper behind me, his voice sounding broken and desperate. I immediately turn around when I finally hear him speak, and my heart shatters when I see him this vulnerable, this broken, filled with tears in his eyes. I can’t help but walk back to him and quickly wrap my arms around him, his head leaning into my chest because of that, my hands stroking his hair gently and carefully.

It feels like his body almost collapses in my embrace when he feels my arms wrapped around him, and his own arms wrap around my waist so tightly in a quick response, and I feel his tears soaking up my hoodie. I try to hold back my own tears, and it feels like Noah breaking down to me like this has to something more than just last night. I do remember him sometimes vaguely telling me that he has moments where he feels very alone during tour, missing his friends and family he always has to leave behind while going on the road. That he sometimes misses someone around him, especially when he’s all alone and has to sleep in a strange hotel room. And when a band member joins him to share a room, it just doesn’t help, and it isn’t what he needs either… Is that why he is reacting so emotionally and sad about our situation?

Noah clings onto me tightly, not letting me go for even a second. He holds onto me like he never wants to let me go, like he can’t let me go, and it breaks my soul. He just keeps on sobbing in my hoodie.

‘Hey… it's okay,’ I whisper to him while still gently stroking his hair. ‘It’s okay, you’re not alone,’ I add, knowing and sometimes noticing how alone he can feel during tour, it matching the words I just thought about, knowing that last night probably meant a lot to him… because for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t alone, and someone was loving and touching him, caring for him… really seeing him.

And I can’t help but feel the same way-tour and being on the road for the first time away from my friends and family has been very lonely for me as well. And that’s why I’m so glad that Noah and I started to get along so well, it was very helpful to get through the hard and lonely moments. And now that last night happened… I truly felt so complete and seen by him, so adored, so beautiful and sexy, and wanted… A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time-maybe never…

Noah’s grip just strengthens so much after my caring whispers to him, and he holds on tighter to my hoodie, his tears still soaking into the black fabric. ‘But… I feel so alone,’ he mutters between sobs between his tears, his whole body trembling so much in my embrace as his tears just keep flowing. He clings onto me with such need, such heartbreak, and fear.

‘I know, I know,’ I say, leaning my head on top of his soft hair. ‘But you’re not. As long as I’m here, you’re not.’

Hearing my words makes Noah’s body shake so much with emotions that I myself have to hold him even tighter, his body getting unstable because of his heartbreaking sobs. My heart breaks into a million pieces for this man I’ve begun to care so much about in such a short time, and I’ve completely fallen for since last night. I have never seen him like this, so broken and desperate for love, reassurance and care-he normally puts on such a brave face to everyone.

‘I’m here, I won’t leave,’ I whisper back, still stroking his hair, hoping and praying that I can keep my promise to him.

‘Please hold me… I need you to hold me,’ Noah then mumbles between his tears, his words cracking as he speaks.

‘I’m here, holding you as long as you need,’ I softly and warmly say to him, my arms wrapping tighter around him. His head is still gently resting on my chest as he lets out his suffering and hurt.

After a minute of two, Noah’s sobs begin to slow down, his body shaking less and less, but he still holds into me. His sobs gradually become soft breathing and he then lets out a content sigh, and gently rubs the tip of his nose into my chest, nuzzling to me with absolute affection. My heart completely explodes, being overflowed with all kinds of emotions for him. I gently press a kiss on his head, slightly blushing while doing so.

He then gently rubs his cheek against my chest, feeling comfortable in my arms, and we both don’t yet want to move, just relishing in this moment of intimacy. Minutes pass by, us just being intertwined and connected like this, my arms wrapped around him and Noah's face buried in my chest while I can feel his breathing slow down and become peaceful again.

‘Noah,’ I then whisper, ‘I hate to say this, but it’s time to go. We have to get ready to leave with the bus.’

He doesn’t respond to my words, at least not at first. But after a few moments, he just finally mutters out quietly: ‘Do we have to?’

That makes me chuckle, and I shake my head while doing so. ‘Yeah, silly, we have to go. The venue is an hour away and we have to get everything ready in time.’

Nah holds me for just a few moments longer, making my heart feel warm by the way he still wants to hold me so close to him, before he slowly tilts his head from my chest and raises it to look at me with reddened, but calm eyes now, and a soft smile on his handsome face.

‘One more minute?’ he pleads to me quietly, and I smile back at him, he is adorable like that, I can’t lie.

‘I wish we could have that one minute, but we really have to go I fear,’ I respond, but I do give him a small peck on his lips.

Then, he slowly pulls back from me, and looks into my eyes. `Okay… I guess it’s time,’ he murmurs quietly, a small smile still left on his lips from my kiss.

‘Let's go,’ I smile and I hold out my hand for him, which he takes when he stands up again. He squeezes my small hand compared to his large one, and then with the faintest smile left on his face he takes a deep breath, exhales, and gently starts walking with me towards the tour bus. I also try to keep the most stable expression on my face, my heart and body already missing his embrace, and I have the feeling that I’m not the only one feeling that way.

The crew has already loaded in our suitcases, and I can notice that some crew members give us puzzled (and some worried, since you can still tell that Noah cried) looks when they see us holding hands. But lucky for us, they don’t ask us questions, and I feel quite relieved by that.

When we step into the tour bus, Nicholas is the first person who spots us, looking at Noah and me in worry when he also sees that Noah has cried. Noah excuses himself to the toilet, probably to freshen up, and that makes me sit next to Nicholas with a deep sigh. I have to admit, right now I’m kinda glad that Nick and Jolly are probably asleep in the back of the bus. Don’t get me wrong, I know they can be very caring as well, but one wrong comment and Noah would probably lose it.

‘What’s up?’ Nicholas asks me immediately when I sit down, and I bite my lip. Nicholas has always been a good and sweet person to me, always listening to me when I have worries, and giving me the best piece of advice. He has opened me with warm and open arms since the beginning of working for the band, and for that I will always be thankful. He truly became a good friend.

But can I share this secret with him though? I mean, since what happened this morning at breakfast, it obviously isn’t a secret to the band anymore that me and Noah have slept together. But… it has become more than just that.

‘Noah just has a hard time on tour sometimes, missing his family and all, it’s making him feel a bit lonely sometimes,’ I just respond. I mean, it's half of the truth, but the truth that he probably already knew.

‘Oh,’ Nicholas responds quietly, giving me a soft and empathetic look. ‘Yeah, I know that he can struggle quite a lot with that.’

But his look is pushing me towards the truth, towards the one thing that is bothering me-something that Nicholas has always been very good at. Goddamnit.

‘Here’s the thing…’ I begin with a sigh. ‘Me and Noah… we slept together. It’s just… I fear it began feeling more than just sex to us as the night went on,’ I explain, my cheeks turning a little red as I do so. Nicholas ’eyes widen a bit at my revelation, making my stomach flip a little with nerves.

‘I see,’ he finally responds calmly after seeming to have progressed a bit from what I have been saying.

‘I know! I know, it’s messed up,’ I groan, leaning my head against the window next to me with my eyes squeezed shut.

‘May I ask why you two slept together?’ Nicholas then probes gently, after a moment of silence.

My eyes flutter open again and I think about his question for a moment. ‘Well… ever since I joined the team, and got to know Noah… there has been something between us. Some kind of tension. Teasing, joking… At some point some flirting got involved. Like, I guess we always had mutual attraction to one another, and we always get along so well. And if I’m being honest… because of the way has looked at me before, and acted towards me before-and me probably as well-we wanted to have this moment way, way earlier. But we never really got the chance… until last night.’ I sadly smile while thinking back at it. ‘And… I guess a lot of feelings got involved.’

Nicholas just listens to me intently, silently listening to me explaining everything in a complete and true way. Of course, he can tell that I’m not done talking, and holding something back.

‘Do you think Noah has feelings for you, too?’ he then finally quietly asks me.

I shrug, playing with the strings of Noah’s sweater again, it’s really turning into a nervous habitat now. ‘I don’t know… I mean, it seems like it?’

Nicholas just studies my face intently again, knowing exactly where my mind is going at this moment, as always. He can probably see my confusion, the doubt, the anxiety, the questions all flashing through my face like some giant, confusing and overwhelming storm. He moves closer to me, and places his warm hand on my shoulder as reassurance and care.

‘It's just… It's not fucking fair,’ I say, a tear now escaping from my eye. ‘Like.. I have the feeling like I have finally found that special person everyone always writes songs and movies about, y’know? In the span of just one fucking night. Then why does my job position have to make this so complicated?’

Nicholas still holds onto my shoulder and rubs it comfortingly when he sees tears now sliding down my cheeks from both my eyes, as a complete wave of sadness and despair probably wash over my face while I speak. His face is completely solemn at the moment, but then he finally soothingly mutters to me: ‘I know…’

I now fully turn my body to him as I begin to speak again, looking at him with curiosity. ‘I mean… It’s not like something like this is forbidden, right? I think I’ve seen some other artists that dated a team member before… or would we come into trouble with our management or something? What do you think?’

I know I must sound completely desperate now, desperate for that one good, hopeful answer from him that can indeed confirm that what Noah and I are doing isn't wrong and can be allowed, and to be honest, I am indeed desperate for that answer. Nicholas takes a deep, contemplative breath as he thinks for a moment, and looks into my eyes while thinking out loud.

‘Well, honestly… I don’t think there is an official rule against the lead being with someone from the team. I’ve indeed seen it happen as well… But I know that management isn’t going to be really happy about it if it gets out. So, probably, you have to keep things really quiet-like, low profile, and under wraps. They’re gonna want to keep the whole image and reputation of the band squeaky clean.’

I am very close to answering him that I could totally do that out of the utter desperation for Noah and getting to be with him, but honestly… could I? Could we? Having to live in a secret and pretend to the band’s audience-and the rest of the world-that nothing’s going on between me and Noah? What if paparazzi or news reporters ask about Noah’s love life? What would he have to answer every single time?

Nicholas now squeezes my shoulder gently as a way of comforting me as he can see the anxiousness now growing on my face, taking in everything he just informed me, and going through a whole mental wave of doubts and concerns on how to handle things. ‘Look, it's gonna be okay. You guys can make it work, if you really want to, and if you two really care about each other enough… It’s just probably gonna take some patience,’ he mutters to me, calmly as always.

‘But… how do I know Noah even wants to go that way with me?’

Nicholas just looks gently into my worried eyes, thinking for a moment. He then responds: ‘The only thing I can honestly say… Is that time will tell. You two will have to get the chance to talk about all of this sooner or later. Then just see what happens from there.’

I nod, quickly wiping away a few tears that still hang on my chin, looking at him with a soft and thankful smile. ‘Thank you so much, Nicholas, truly.’

And just after I say that I can see Noah appear out of the toilet again, making my stomach flip. I wonder if he could have picked anything up from me and Nicholas’ conversation while he was in there, but I just hope he didn’t. He notices us sitting together as he is walking towards us, and I smile kindly at him.

‘Hi Noah,’ I sweetly greet him with a soft voice, while Nicholas gets up so Noah can sit next to me now, patting Noah on the back with a sweet and reassuring smile.

‘Hi yourself,’ Noah smiles back at me, sitting next to me on the couch, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. The gesture is quite unexpected to me, so I blush.

‘How are you feeling now?’ I ask.

‘Bit better,’ Noah responds with a genuine, comforting smile, and I hope that it’s at least half of the truth.

‘I’m glad,’ I say, patting his knee with my hand before looking out of the window again, admiring the view as we drive. Since going on tour with the band, I have come across so many places I have never been to before in the US, a country I haven't been born and raised in. I was born and raised in a small, religious town in the United Kingdom, and trust me when I say I have never felt this free before.

I can feel Noah stare at me, so I look back at him with a small grin. ‘Enjoying the view, hm?’ I say, and I can’t help but tease him a little again.

Noah looks at me like he has been caught in the act for a moment, but then his eyes light up with a smirk at my tease with a nod. ‘ Very much,’ he says, before leaning forward a bit.

‘The view sitting right next to me is actually absolutely breathtaking,’ he adds with an even bigger smirk, as I realize that he’s talking about me.

My heart races when I hear his smooth compliment, and I smirk back just as big. ‘Wow, well thank you,’ I say, playfully tucking my hair behind my ears.

‘You’re very welcome,’ Noah grins while nodding again, the playful flirtation between us starting to flow again. His gaze now trails from my face down to my neck, to his long and to me oversized sweater hanging on my body, a smirk playing at his face.

I blush, remembering I haven’t talked about his hoodie yet. ‘Yeah, I saw it in my suitcase… it’s just comfortable okay…’

A grin lights up Noah’s face as he sees my face getting a redder color again. ‘Hey, you don’t have to justify or explain yourself to me… I think it looks great on you.’

I smile shyly at him. ‘Thank you,’ I say, and then let out a quick laugh. Noah looks at me with a questioning look, and I shake my head when I laugh yet again.

‘Nothing… I just… For some reason I just pictured you in a tank top of my own. Don’t think that one is gonna fit you,’ I snort.

Noah chuckles when I snort. ‘Oh yeah? Never thought of me as a tank top kinda guy?’ he teases, and it seems like he is smirking more and more at my funny imagination.

‘It’s just…’ I can’t even finish when my laughter just becomes more. My god, I can really laugh at the most unserious and pointless stuff. ‘That's not it. Noah, our sizes are quite different, so…’ I just burst out laughter while I keep shaking my head, my eyes squeezing shut and my hand on my stomach.

Noah joins my laughter as I can’t even finish my sentence, and he then scans over his own large, tall body, and my smaller, curvy frame, and he seems to can’t help and smirk even more.

‘Yeah… We might have just a tiny size difference, huh?’ he jokes between laughs.

‘Just a little,’ I giggle, hitting my fist lightly at his arm brushing against mine next to his and Noah grins again.

‘You are so tiny. Compared to my tall, hot self, of course,’ he teases, playfully pulling me closer and wrapping his large, strong arms around me. My eyebrows raise, now smirking back at him.

‘Oh yeah, yeah. You’re such a big guy,’ I wink.

His grin only turns bigger as he feels my body moving closer to his as well, wrapping his whole arm around my waist now and leaning us back into the couch with me in his arms, a sexy smug smile on his face.

‘Damn right I am…’ he chuckles, letting his fingers run underneath his hoodie I am wearing, sliding under the material from the inside as they trail gently up my bare stomach. And he makes it do all kinds of flips the moment his fingers touch my skin, my heart pounding loudly in my own ears.

‘Oh, I know. I think I remember seeing it last night,’ I smirk, obviously talking about something else than just him being tall.

Noah smirks even more now as he sees my stomach muscles involuntarily flex at his light, trailing touch under the fabric I’m wearing, his fingers sliding up higher and higher, right up my stomach’s middle. He looks into my eyes with that same, seductive gaze, his face now just inches from mine as he lets out a small chuckle.

‘Oh, really now?’ he murmurs softly, his voice smooth and low right next to my ear.

‘Hmhm,’ I hum in response, going absolutely insane from his touch and voice alone, but I try my best to not let him notice. ‘I even remember it feeling quite good inside of me.’

Noah's breath now grows heavier as he smirks once more, his eyes now darkened, and he now slides his palm under the middle of my stomach in a slow, gentle caress. ‘What else do you remember…?’ he whispers next to my ear, his voice low and huskier than ever.

‘I also remember my hand wrapping around it at some point… my mouth,’ I whisper back in his ear, teasing him just as much back with my words alone.

I can feel his pants becoming tight at my words, and he lets out a low growl as he slides his hand a little higher under my hoodie, feeling the soft skin of my body. ‘I think you might have to go into a little more detail with all that,’ he rasps in my ear, his warm breath hitting my sensitive skin as he lets out that sexy growl, his breathing heavier again as he lets his fingers slide higher, and higher.

I bite my lip when his lips trail over my neck, almost wanting to let out a small whimper, so I close my eyes. ‘Well… I also remember you inside of me… me on top of you, riding you until I left you quite breathless,’ I whisper back into Noah’s ear, leaving a small kiss on his own neck after.

He grabs my body even more tightly against him in his strong arms, as if he's gonna explode from the intense desire that shot through his body from my seductive words I whispered into his ear. His breathing only grows heavier and faster in this moment, and I feel my own breathing rising up as well.

‘Fuck,’ he groans softly, low, and husky-voiced in my ear, as his fingers slide into the middle of my stomach now.

‘Do my words affect you, big boy?’ I can’t help but teasingly ask him with a smirk, looking him right into his eyes while doing so.

Noah’s eyes are even darker with lust in this moment, groaning again when he gets called like that by me. ‘You know they do,’ he quietly says, his gaze so intense that I can almost feel it burning into me.

‘Hmm. Good, good,’ I smile evilly while looking at his lips, licking my own after.

He now lets his hand slide slowly and more intensely up the skin of my bare stomach underneath my sweater, feeling me and almost pulling me in with his fingers, trying to get me as close as possible in my current position. His eyes don’t even waver as they remain firmly set into mine, and they look so intense, and dark.

‘You have no idea how badly I want you right now,’ he almost whispers in a moan.

His words and fingers on my stomach alone already make me feel so damp down there, and God, I want him so bad too. ‘Hmm… I guess you have to be a little patient until we arrive, Noah. You can’t just fuck me right here on the couch from the tour bus, can you now?’ I smirk, daringly. ‘What might the others think…?’

Noah lets out a chuckle that’s mixed with a low groan, his breaths still coming at a panting rate as his eyes now grow with even more lust. ‘You're so naughty…,’ he chuckles, now pulling me even closer to his body in his arms.

‘They all sound asleep so don’t worry about them. I can be very quiet,’ he shrugs with a smirk, as his fingers now trail up and down my bare skin again.

‘But can I, though?’ I smile innocently, now leaning towards his ear again. ‘You know how loud I can be when you fuck me so good like last night, right?’ I whisper hoarse and seductively into his ear again.

‘Mhm,’ he whispers in agreement, still trailing his fingers up and down, now having his large palm slide under you, almost grabbing my skin from behind, as he brings his face more into my shoulder just under my neck. His hand is now slowly palming my damp era, making me have to bite my lip to hold back a moan.

His gaze now looks dark and seductive when he sees me doing that, and he chuckles quietly against my neck. ‘So you’re getting all wet for me already, huh?’ he murmurs low and quiet, his voice deep as he brushes his nose over my neck.

His words alone drive me insane again, making me get even wetter. The palm of his hand is slowly getting replaced by his fingers, and I have to place my hand on my mouth to silence my whimpers and moans. Noah moans low to the sight of that and the feeling of my wetness around his fingers.

‘That’s a good girl…’ he whispers lowly, his low moans and groans right against my skin as he kisses the sensitive skin of my neck. ‘You’re being so good for me...’

For fucks sake, he makes it really hard to not scream his name and come all over his fingers already, so I just grind my hips against them and close my eyes as I arch my back, trying to hold back my climax. His touch feels way, way too good.

‘Don’t hold back, sweetheart,’ he whispers against my skin when he can feel me hold back, and I just nod, biting the inside of my hand, still grinding against his fingers.

‘I… I just don’t want to wake up the others,’ I whimper against my hand.

Noah chuckles softly, knowing very well that I need and want all of my senses right now, and not worrying about anything else.

‘If you’re being too loud they can only blame themselves for being light sleepers, right?’ he teasingly jokes, and I just nod while I squeal, his fingers only moving faster and more intensely. The way he kisses my neck again makes it impossible for me to hold my climax back, so I stop fighting it and moan loudly against my hand.

Noah feels me tense up in his arms, my body almost frozen as I arch my back, and he grins against my neck as my breathing grows faster when I come. When it slowly slows down again, he asks me: ‘Did you just…?’

‘Yeah,’ I breathe back with a sly smile, making him chuckle and smirk against my neck again as he lifts his head and moves closer to my face, his gaze still dark and filled with desire.

‘I did wonder why you covered up your mouth for a moment,’ he softly laughs, trailing his fingers up and down my sensitive skin for a moment again, before he pulls me into his chest.

‘Well, I can be loud as fuck, duh,’ I playfully respond while rolling my eyes.

He smirks again, kissing my neck while doing so, his hands still trailing up and down my sides and skin. ‘You certainly can…’ he murmurs against my neck, letting his lips trail lightly and kissing his way down my sensitive skin. I enjoy them, and sigh deeply out of pleasure.

His touch is still slow and gentle, but his kisses become more intense as he lets them trail, and I then feel him tuck at my sweater, making me now chuckle myself. ‘You really want to go for it and take the risk of getting caught, don’t you?'

He just nods and smirks when I ask him that question. ‘You could hardly hold yourself back there, love…’ he whispers in reply as he tugs my sweater up to pull it off my body. Since I wear no bra underneath it, my breasts are already exposed to him right away.

He lets the sweater fall on the floor, and stares at my body in front of him, completely speechless for a second when he looks at me with amazement. It takes a moment for him to find his words again, looking me up and down while drinking in my appearance in front of him, looking like he is completely mesmerized by it. ‘Oh, God… You’re so…’

I tilt my head, so my soft wavy hair falls over my shoulders a little. ‘I’m so… what?’ I smirk.

‘You’re just… so goddamn beautiful,’ he whispers quietly, almost more to himself than to you when he does, his eyes just fixed on my bare chest in front of him.

My heart skips a beat for a moment through hearing those words, and I slightly blush. In response to his compliment, I wrap my hands around his neck, giving him a deep kiss. Noah lets out a quiet groan when he feels me do so, and he immediately returns the kiss hungirly, pressing his lips against mine in a passionate way. He wraps his own arms around my waist, pulling me against his chest again.

I slightly groan during our kiss when he starts squeezing my behind, making me tuck at his hair. He does the same when he feels my hands move into his hair, feeling that he gets goosebumps because of it. He moves my body even closer, shifting his body to let me straddle him on his lap, my bare chest pressing up against his still fully dressed one as I continue my heated, hungry kiss. I then tuck at his own shirt, and that makes him pull his lips from mine, leaning back against the couch, smirking at me.

‘Looks like you want to take some of my clothes off too, huh?’ he laughs with a mischievous grin.

‘Maybe I want to admire your beauty as well,’ I wink.

He smirks at my response, and just watches me as I start to pull his shirt off his body in one smooth motion, revealing his lean yet defined tattooed body and the defined v-lines on his lower abdomen. He grins when he notices me taking him in with my gaze, clearly loving that I have my eyes on him like that. He is so attractive and hot, it just makes me grab his face again and kiss him passionately. He lets out another groan, this one sounding even more deeper and intense. My whole body turns hot for him, so I begin to tuck at the belt from his pants as well during our kiss. He pulls back from our kiss again with a smirk against my lips. He gently grabs my hands from tugging at the belt of his pants, and pins my hands to the back of the couch above my head.

‘Ah ah ah… Patience,’ he whispers against my lips, ‘let me help you with that.’

Him pinning his hands above my head only makes the moment hotter for me, so I bite my lip in response as I watch him undo his belt. He manages to undo his belt without having to let go of my hands, and grins at my expression as he pulls the belt off and lets it fall to the side of the couch.

I begin to smirk as I see his growing bulge in his underwear, and say: ‘And you tell me that I get wet easily…’

Noah lets out a chuckle, as he lets one of my hands go from where he pinned them just to grab my chin and tip it up. He pulls me in for another deep kiss, moving his hand from my chin down to start exploring the skin of my breasts now, caressing my soft skin. I whimper when he does that, enjoying the feeling, and I pull his own underwear off with my own, getting a little inpatient as I feel my wet spot ache for him. As I do so, he groans loudly against my lips at that moment, the sound so deep and intense, already giving away for me how much he’s enjoying it and how much his body wants me too.

‘Oh God, I need you so bad right now,’ he whispers against my lips, trailing his tongue along my lower lip at that moment, sending a heat of pleasure for him shooting through my chest and stomach.

And Jesus, I didn’t know that our intimate moments could get any hotter than last night, but here we fucking are. I get wetter by the second, and open my mouth in response to his tongue to let him kiss me deeply and hungirly.

‘You can have me,’ I mumble against his lips. He just holds me, my body straddling his lap as his hands hold my waist tightly, dancing with my tongue in an already hungry, but intense kiss.

I groan because of the way we kiss so intensely, and my body needs him so badly at this point that I decide to not wait any longer, so I slowly let him enter me while I put his tip against me. Noah’s breathing instantly grows heavier as he lets out a moan in his throat when he feels me do that. He pulls from my kiss for a moment, his eyes fixed on me in the moment.

‘You feel so good…’ he whispers hoarsely and quietly against my lips, his fingers already gently holding my waist tightly while guiding his body on his lap.

‘Mhm,’ I hum against his neck as I lean my head there, starting to rock back and forth on his lap, already drunk of desire by his touch and his length inside of me. He lets me lead the pace for a moment, closing his eyes and letting out a groan, tilting his head when he seems to enjoy the feeling while I move on him.

‘I love riding you, you know that?’ I say to him with a hoarse and seductive voice, placing a kiss on his neck and jaw. ‘Seeing you crumble underneath my touch and all,’ I smirk mischievously.

He lets out another groan as a smirk is also growing on his face, and then chuckles quietly, moving to whisper into my ear. ‘Is that so?’

Noah then lets his words linger in the hot air for a moment, his smirk only growing while his eyes are fixed on my face when he speaks in a deeper, slightly more seductive voice: ‘Prove it.’

‘Oh, I have to prove it?’ I ask with a sly girn. I run my fingers through my long hair, pushing them off my shoulders in an attractive way. I begin to place my hands on both his shoulders for something to hold on to, and look him straight in his eyes with the dirtiest and darkest look I gave him so far, while I start to ride him deeper and faster. ‘Like this, you mean?’

It makes him let out a low moan, his lips parting and his eyes locking with mine with a just as dark look. ‘Oh yeah,’ he says with a then deep, quiet groan. ‘Just like that…’

‘Hmm, good,’ I smirk, letting out a hot moan when he presses his ups a little, hitting my most sensitive spot perfectly like that. My jaw slightly opens, and I let my head fall back while I shut my eyes out of pleasure.

‘Oh, Christ,’ I can hear him mumble with a moan, and when I open my eyes I see that he lets his own head lean against the couch, his expression becoming almost lost in pleasure when he feels me riding him more.

‘You fuck me so good,’ I breathe, ‘and I love to fuck you back,’ I say with a husky voice before kissing him again.

Noah lets out another groan at my words, his hips pressing up more against mine when I continue riding him, knowing that it makes it harder for him by the second to keep his own moans from escaping him.

‘Oh God, that just sounds so goddamn sexy,’ he breathes against my mouth as his lips presses against mine, the kiss growing deeper and intensifying as the heat is building up more and more between our bodies.

‘Hmm,’ I laugh, and it sounds attractive yet seductive. ‘Well thank you, Sebastian,’ I grin before planting kisses all over his neck and tattooed chest.

He laughs and at the same time a groan of pleasure, the feeling of my lips on his sensitive hot skin making goosebumps spread all over his skin.

‘What are you doing to me…’ he mumbles quietly beneath his breath, a light groan escaping him.

‘All the things you always wished to be let done to you,’ I whisper in his ear with a small grin, the dimple in my right cheek appearing as I do so.

Noah lets his head tilt as I speak, letting his eyes shut for a moment while his head is leaned to the side from the way my lips are against his skin. ‘Oh, you don’t even know…’ he quietly mumbles with a light chuckle, feeling his skin heating up more and mine does the exact same.

But suddenly an idea appears in my head by the way we talk to each other, and I mischievously smile at him before getting up from his lap so he slides out of me again. I see Noah looking at me with confusion and a bit disappointment while I do so, but I hope he gets my move when I begin to sit on his length again only now with my behind, giggling a little, a smug expression on my face. A slight gasp of surprise, or maybe even out of excitement, leaves Noah the moment he instantly realizes what I’m doing.

‘And this? Is this something you’ve sometimes secretly fantasized about…?’ I whisper while I look at him from my shoulder, slowly moving up and down on him from behind, a dirty smirk instantly spreading across his face as he clearly is enjoying how this sudden position feels, and maybe how it looks as well.

‘Oh, God yes…’

‘Great,’ I say with the same dirty smirk, and when I feel Noah’s hand move to my breasts when he leans against my back, his head leaning against my shoulder, I moan again. His mouth is trailing along my skin gently with kisses, and I can't help but curse while moaning again by the feeling, my movements instantly moving faster at the same time.

Noah lets out a moan as well while his breathing grows faster, his hand on my breast still gently massaging it a bit more, and his other hand gently reaches up to move my hair off my neck, to make it easier to continue kissing it and gently nibble on it. I roll my eyes back out of pleasure, feeling that my climax is getting close, and I slowly let his hand slide towards my wet spot, hoping he gets the hint. He gently turns my face towards his with his other hand, to guide me to lay my head back into his shoulder while he leans in towards my neck. He starts whispering in my ear, his words almost sounding like a prayer of praise into my ear: ‘Come for me…’

My movements, his words, his hand rubbing up and down my leaking era, is making me hit my climax in no time. I immediately slap my hand against my mouth so my loud moans are getting muted a little for the others in the bus hear. Noah groans with a smirk just hearing the sound of my moaning and holds me close for a moment, his chin resting on my shoulder while he gently kisses the side of my neck while I recover. When I turn my head around, I lean closer to his face so I can kiss him deeply, and rock just a little back and forth whilst stroking his face, making him groan in my mouth and I feel him hit his own climax shortly after-his grip on my body tightens, his hands instantly gripping my waist again when he comes.

‘Oh God,’ Noah breathes quietly, his face pressed softly into my neck from the way it’s still leaning against my shoulder as he recovers from the moment.

I grin, slowly getting up from him, turning around to grab some tissues out of my hand bag. ‘Well, that certainly was something again,’ I chuckle while I dry my wet era off, before handing him a tissue as well and putting on my own clothes again. Noah is still breathing a little heavy from the moment, and lets out a chuckle as well while taking the tissue and cleaning himself up.

‘Yes, it certainly was,’ he says with a satisfied sounding smile, before slowly getting up and pulling his boxer and pants back up. He looks at me for a moment when he also puts his t-shirt over his head as he sees the bright smile on my face, returning it immediately.

I plop down on the couch again when we are fully clothed, pulling up my hair in a quick ponytail because it has gotten messy in our intimate moment. I lean against the window, seeing route signs coming closer to us in the distance.

‘Seems like we killed time well, we are almost at the venue,’ I giggle.

Noah’s smile grows on his face even more as he looks out of the window when he sits next to me again, following my gaze. ‘Wow… I can’t believe we are going to be having one of the biggest shows we’ve ever played yet,’ he says, letting out a shaky yet excited breath while looking at me again, letting his hand gently slide to mine.

‘Me neither… I truly am very proud of all of you guys,’ I smile and give a small peck on his lips, rubbing my thumb over our intertwined fingers.

When I kiss him he smiles against my lips, and then squeezes my hand gently in response to my words before lifting his body up again to stand up, and lean one arm against the windowsill while he looks down at me with his beautiful dark brown eyes. His expression is sincere and genuine, yet also filled with passion and energy.

‘We will do our best to give all our fans an experience they won’t forget tonight, I promise.’

taglist: @blackgirlmagicforever

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quitealotofsodapop · 14 hours

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I like to think Wukong doesn't give his cubs their geode shards until they're 'of age' in his eyes. In the case of MK that's after they defeat Azure. During the celebration afterwards he calls MK out from the water to hand him a small silk pouch, seemingly very serious for what's supposed to be a party. Realizing what is happening MK is in disbelief at first.

Wukong: Here, you've proven over the past year you've earned this, kid.

MK: A bag? *sudden realization* Wait... Mom! Are you serious!? Is this really-

Wukong: It is.

Noodle Gang: *notices the strange interaction*

Mei: What you doing?

Tang: *curious as well only get excited when Macaque explains its a Rite of Passage for stone monkeys*

omg gosh!!!

MK finally getting to hold onto his pendant at the end of S4 is so cute! Throughout the series he's been tackling issues relating to growing-up and taking responsibility, so after everything thats happened with the Brotherhood; Wukong deems MK finally ready.

I feel like MK's stone egg had lots of citrine embedded in it like Wukong's, perhaps with a few yellow amethysts in it, or a tigers eye. Either way MK's pendant shard is bright, orange-gold, and looks like a ray of sunshine (like it's holder).

The Noodle Gang and Bull family immediately quiet down when they see the serious but joyful looks on the monkeys faces. Bull is dancing in his hooves - he's finally seeing his Xiandi's calf reach his rite of passage!

Pigsy starts crying cus he's second-hand proud of his fave delivery boy. Tang is gibbering excitedly. Mei does a quiet little cheer for her bestie. Even Red Son has to admit MK's earned it.

MK wears it with pride.

And the imagery of Azure Lion, so angry by Wukong's refusal to rejoin the Brotherhood (and by extension Him) and warped by his own unstable view of the King, that he rips Wukong's marriage pendant from his neck.

Wukong gasps, clutching his neck. Azure couldn't have! He knew what it meant to him and Macaque!

Before Wukong could even reach to get it back, he was encased in the Scroll.

I wonder what would hurt more; Azure dropping the pendant to the ground and crushing it underfoot? Or keeping it as a trophy? As the JE's power warps his mind further, he may even see it as a "proof of conquest" over the King.

Either way, Macaque is furious when he finds out what Azure did with the pendant. He pointedly smells the hair and gem of the one given to him by Wukong when they were engaged - using the scent to find his mate in the Scroll. And if Wukong's memories are fractured like those of the Noodle Gang? A certain dance and story may be required to remind the King of the hundreds of years of joy him and his Warrior share.

#post jttw stone egged au #jttw stone egged au #stone monkeys #sun wukong #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #shadowpeach #lmk mk #qi xiaotian #lmk azure lion #lmk aus #lmk #lego monkie kid

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writing-whump · 23 hours

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Woww thank you for the accident fic I was one of the fans who asked for it 😄 maybe it was not fun for you as much as other but I really enjoyed it (guess I'm a huge fan of those kind unexpected drama and sacrifice lol) Tbh, I don't want to bore you, or mess your schedule and attention but I can't help myself! Well, ok, I admit I'm a drama-addict and love to read other's reactions to it. Sorry for insisting!!

So it's just a tiny request, it really doesn't have to a fic-long as usual (if you want to write that way of course it's way better for me lol) I'm just curious about how would Isiah feel and think when he found out about the accident. I understand that this kind of trauma can be healed easily for wolves and not a concern, and Hex&Arnie got through it well, but it could be worse, right? Idk maybe Arnie would feel stressed about it afterwards and worry about Hex even though he's already healed. He might also blame himself for what happened as he was driving? Anyways, would you consider write another part stress sick Arnie and caretaker Isiah?

-🛼

I mean, this is fitting, since Arnie doesn't get stress sick, but he gets stress migraines. And we didn't have him with Isaiah as caretaker for a while...here you go🥰🤗

Stress migraine

Arnie really wanted to have fun today.

Hector was sleeping third day in a row already, tyring to get his shadow back up after all the healing. Nobody really knew, since Hector wouldn't want the pack to know and refused to call anyone.

Arnie understood. It was usually just the two of them, when something bad happened to either. Hector never let himself or Arnie find out if they had other people they could trust.

But now they had someone like that back. Someone they could call.

Other thing was that there wasn't really much to tell. Hector was fine, the car was getting fixed, Arnie wasn't hurt very much. What was he supposed to make a scene for, when there was no proof something even happened?

He caught himself looking for the little wound in his hair in the mirror just to make sure he didn't dream the whole accident up.

They had a scheduled meeting with Isaiah on Saturday though and Arnie figured it was a good opportunity as any to get out and distract himself.

He wanted to stop waking up to the fear he was back at the car or keep checking Hector every 30 minutes like he would start coughing blood out of his sleep all of sudden.

No, this was good.

Isaiah took him on a tour around Vienna. He said it was a scandal Arnie didn't get to see the center yet and that he didn't know all the sights by memory now.

Isaiah definitely did. They took Tram D around the main ring of the first district. Many important things were all after each other, parliament, city hall, the two giant museums of natural history and art history right across each other, the giant theater, the Butterfly House...

Isaiah refused to take a car, when everything was so well-connected and they spend the day on foot, from one park to another, one big street to another.

Isaiah seemed to have a thought out plan of switching between greenery and impressive buildings, talking all about the style of architecture, how many times they were rebuild, who famous lived there.

Arnie was so overwhelmed with all the information he stopped putting it together halfway through. He took comfort from just Isaiah's relaxed mood, his zealous voice and ardent expression.

Everything was all good with the world again. One could believe it, listening to him.

Somewhere around midday they went to get lunch near the Schonenbrun castle and gardens, Isaiah treating him to schnitzel and cake for good measure. He never let Arnie pay for anything when they were together.

"I have the same inheritance as you do," Arnie objectdd as he took a sip from his cold brew coffee.

Isaiah smiled. "Yeah, but we will start this talk once you make your own. Rich or not, there is nothing like earning your own money for the first time. Your effort, you decision."

"So you want to pay for everything with what you earn?"

"The assistance job I got at the uni pays well. I also helped out with a city planning project last year that had very good funding."

Arnie leaned back in the chair. "That's cool. What about your whole wolf helping activities? Hector says you get called to things all around the city. Do you get any pay from that?"

Isaiah took a spoonful of his chocolate lava cake. "No, I don't do that for money. I like helping out."

"You shouldn't be doing that for free though, when it takes so much of your time. Or is it the contacts and favours you gather that way?"

"Isn't it worthwhile and helpful when you can give people things without having them pay for it?"

"Yeah sure, but that's sustainable if you actually use all the money you were born with. If you were born with it." He was getting the impression Isaaih didn't like relying on anything that came from their father. "Besides, don't people take skills and advice more seriously if they have to pay for it? If you give it for free, they might not take any interest at all. It's a way to show them something is valuable."

"What exactly would I call it? Hello, I have experience that your shadow is entirely manageable with the right kind of training, but your pack doesn't seem to know, so come and listen to me?" Isaiah shook his head. Way to insult the pack and trivialise the wolf's problems.

"You have expert training from leading packs of the West. If you wanted to make that systematically accessible through courses or stuff, I think people would find it easer to find you. You could even prevent most of the problems the packs and human authorities call you to."

Isaiah chuckled. "You aren't the first one to suggest something like that. Matthew said something similar. Even Seline said I could make it a job. I don't know. I like working in the academic environment as well."

"It's not like you would have to choose between one or the other. Plus academic jobs are pretty instable I hear."

"You didn't even start uni yet and you are hearing about uni conditions?"

Arnie shrugged. "Lots of protests about the Mittelbau and the time constrained chain contracts around lately." Apprently 80% of the academic workforce that didn't have safe professor status worked under conditioned contracts, always afraid if they were going to be prolonged or not and if they wouldn't have to move to another town just to get a job they specilized in.

"It's impressive you can understand it. You still thinking about law school?"

"Yep." Hector was very careful about not mentioning it too much so Arnie wouldn't feel pressured, but he knew Hector would find it useful. Even wolves had to respect the law.

And Arnie would love to feel a bit more powerful around them.

"You are still studying it too?"

"Additional classes and courses, yeah. It's not my main subject, but it's useful in practice."

Arnie hummed, satisfied with the prognosis of that. He wanted to know useful important stuff.

They talked some more about law and different teaching styles of different faculties.

Everything was going well, except the sun was becoming a bit too much and Arnie's temples were starting to pulse.

Why now? He finally relaxed, finally forgot about what happened at home...

His stomach flipped at the reminder. He was pleasantly full just a minute ago, but now it felt like too much.

They paid and strolled around the gardens, when Arnie said: "Let's sit in the shade for a bit?"

Isaiah gave him a puzzled look that they barely got up and Arnie wanted to sit down already, but complied.

For such a historical sight, there were lots of people chilling on the benches in the shadows. Lots of trees planted for that purpose aside all the magnificently styled flowers everywhere.

"It's really hot today," Arnie said, tugging at the collar of his buttonup. Short sleveed, but still.

"There is a good ice cream stand nearby. I'll get you some." Isaiah patted him on the back as he left.

Arnie slumped back on the bench, relieved to be out of sight for a bit. He didn't want to ruin the tour that Isaiah planned out so carefully, but his head was positively pounding.

He didn't get a headache after the accident. That was weird in hindsight. Usually, when something stressful like that happened, he would absolutely get one.

He must have been too worried for Hector to let himself relax enough for it to set in. Veins must have finally opened from their tense contraction, and that's what made it painful.

Cold sweat was gathering at the back of his neck. His right temple felt like someone was putting a drill to it, while the other was held in a crushing grip.

The sunlight was so blinding, even though he was in a nice shade. He felt goosebumps on his arms, as his lovely lunch churned inside him.

Arnie leaned forward, planting his elbows on his knees as he swallowed heavily against the saliva pooling in his mouth.

His stomach let out an angry whine, cramping up. Arnie hid his face in his hands, taking quick shallow breaths. Not now, not now, not now.

He groaned as his lunch roiled inside him, sniffling. There weren't many people around him in particular but this was still a public space. Beautiful gardens under a tree with a view of the castle, no less.

A burp snuck its way past his lips. His upper lip was covered in sweat now too. He could taste the salt as he licked his lips.

Arnie knew from experience it would only make him more miserable to fight it. The pain in his temples pulsed in synch with his heartbeat.

When he looked up from his hands, the sunlight pierced his eyes even stronger. The pain in his left temple spiked and Arnie heaved, pulling his feet more apart.

He swallowed the first retch down, but the second almost made him choke. Letting his head hang between his knees, he burped, the third wave bringing up the cake and the cold coffee onto the ground.

His brain was buzzing in his skull, so he kept his eyes closed, completely giving in to the sensations. Another wave of puke landed between his feet. Arnie only hoped his shoes wouldn't get dirty.

"Aww kiddo. What happened to you?" He felt Isaiah's cold hand against his nape. Isaiah discarded the two scones of ice cream on the ground at the sight of him, sitting down gently next to him.

That's when another wave of yellow brown puke found its way up, tasting of the potato salad and meat. Arnie groaned, back arching as he vomited up the longest stream yet.

Isaiah held his shoulder to steady him, rubbing up and down. "What happened? Did you feel sick suddenly? Or before? Is it the sun?"

Arnie burped emptily, spitting at the pool between his feat. The smell was making him nauseous still.

"I thought we took enough breaks in the shade. Maybe I miscalculated. You are sweating all over."

Arnie sniffled, his nose running. He kept his eyes closed still, the pounding in his head worse whenever the tried to open his eyes. He tilted towards Isaiah's voice blindly.

Isaiah obediently filled in the spot, letting Arnie lean against his shoulder. "Shhhhh. All good now. We will cool you down and you will feel better in no time."

Arnie sniffled again, curling into Isaiah's clean cologne, probably leaving a trail of snot behind. "Head hurtsss."

"I know, buddy, I know."

"...wanna go home."

Isaiah nodded over his head. "I'll call a taxi. We can go to my place too..."

Arnie shook his head. "Home." He wanted his own bed, his curtains, his medicine, though it would probably take a bit for his stomach to settle enough for it.

Isaiah was quite as they waited, only wrapping his arm around Arnie and helping him up when the taxi came. It was more or less a blurr for Arnie, who was glad Isaiah took over so eagerly, masterfully, despite not even knowing what was wrong.

As they sat in the back of the car, Arnie buried his face in Isaiah's chest, trying to muffle the sounds and light as much as possible.

"You will be okay. Just breathe."

"I'm sorry I ruined the trip."

"You didn't, you didn't. Should have chosen a later hour. With this heat-"

"Not the heat," Arnie sighed. "Migraine."

Isaiah tensed underneath him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Miragine. It's fine. Not...not your fault."

"Since when do you get migraines?" Isaiah said in a strangled voice.

"Since I was 12? Or 13? Something like that." He moaned quietly as the car took a turn and jostled him.

Isaiah tighed his grip around his torso. They sat in silence for a while before he spoke again. "How often do you get them?"

"Not regularly anymore. Something...usually something triggers it."

Isaiah's hand went up his arm, gently sneaking into his sweaty hair. When Arnie leaned into the touch, Isaiah started rubbing at his temples gently.

"What triggered it this time?" Isaiah asked softly.

The car jostled them again, making them both jump up and down on their seats. Arnie tensed up, then buried his face against Isaiah's neck with a moan.

Isaiah held him as tight as he could without making it painful. Arnie fought against the growing pressure behind his eyes, lips pressed together.

"Arnie?"

Isaiah's voice was so soft and concerned in his ear it got the tears spilling down Arnie's cheeks. "I-it's nothing. Nothing really happened. We-we just-" He sobbed quietly.

"Shhhhh."

"We-we were in a car accident with Hex. Three days ago." He felt the coldness wash over them as the car came into the underground parking place of their apartment complex. Arnie blinked, leaning back, blinking his eyes open in relief at the darkness.

He looked at Isaiah with teary eyes. "I-I was driving and it wasn't my- but Hex, he- protected me and got super hurt and, and he is fine now..."

Isaiah watched him carefully, green eyes of the same shade meeting his. They seemed to have a glow in the dark from how intensity he focused on Arnie.

"But I was really scared, you know? And it's stupid to be upset about it, cause nothing h-happened-"

"It's not stupid. It was scary and horrible, no matter the outcome. I'm sorry that happened."

"B-but I shouldn't be upset, right? Cause we are fine, we are both fine-" His breath hitched with another sob as another tear ran down his cheek. Some part of his brain wondered how the taxi driver didn't say a thing, waiting for Arnie to cry his eyes out on his backseat.

Isaiah brushed some sweaty blond hair away from Arnie's forehead. "And that's important that you are both healthy and okay. But it makes perfect sense you are upset too. You are allowed to get scared and worried."

Arnie's face twisted with another sob as Isaiah petted his hair gently, carefully watching him for any signs it was making the headache worse. But the pressure was really going down as Arnie let the emotion go, through words and tears.

"We didn't have to go out today if you were upset," Isaiah said.

"I wanted to see you though. And we had it scheduled..." so it was the best opportunity.

"If you called me, I would have come. We don't have to just meet when it's 'scheduled' or when you need help with something serious, you know?" Isaiah was still combing Arnie's hair away, when he started to look through his pockets with their other hand, manifesting a paper towel out of nowhere. "Here."

Arnie wiped his face and carefully blew his nose.

"I want to know when something happens in your lives. Good or bad, big or small," Isaiah said, no trace of repearoach in his voice, though he sounded firm. "I want to be in the picture."

Arnie felt better hearing it somehow. It was like a permission to call him, even when the trouble wasn't real. Even if it was just Arnie wanting to talk.

The younger boy took a shaky breath, offering Isaiah a shy smile.

#sickfic #migraine #emeto #hurt/comfort #brothers #bromance #whump writing #werewolf wip #my writing #Arnie

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ironborealis · 2 months

Text

Lineage Cousins AU pt.2

Part 1: (link)

The Council is calling it a 'sabbatical' -- a chance for him to rest, reflect, and 'recover' from the stress of Galidraan and Komari being found unfit for Knighthood.

Only a senior padawan, Komari had slain twenty well-trained Mandalorians in their armor on that snowy battlefield. Then she'd turned to him, smiling brightly and so very proud and he'd known that things were about to go horribly wrong. He could see in her eyes that what she wanted was more than just the approval of her master -- she craved something from him that he could never provide her.

He'd dispatched his second, Master Syldatna, to take Fett on to the Governor, as the Senate ordered, while he pulled Komari back into the ship -- one of the many mistakes he made that day -- to try and make the foolish girl see reason.

She'd kissed him as soon as the door to the ship had shut.

He'd pushed her away, tried to make her see that this was a silly fantasy brought on by a post-battle adrenaline crash and likely not enough meditation (his own master's cure all for every wor).

They would forget it ever happened and neither would speak a word of it -- no one, but especially not the Council had to know.

There was shame enough on his lineage for having lost his grand-padawan to Falling so recently, and he'd not double down on the disgrace by losing his own padawan to something as fleeting as lust.

Komari was strong-willed though, something he both admired and cursed about her at times. Trying to make her see reason with a calmly stated rational argument was rather like trying to hold onto sand with a clenched fist -- a futile effort.

He'd been blunt, the only way to get through to her when she got this way: After the battle today he'd been ready to nominate her for her Jedi Trials. All of that was now in jeopardy with the revelation of her inappropriate attachment to him. She had until they returned to Coruscant to decide whether to become a Knight or to chase a foolish fantasy that would never be.

He hoped it'd be an easy choice for her to make in five days. Yet, when she stepped before the Council he'd known with only the intuition that a master could have about their padawan that she'd failed him. With a grieving heart he informed the Council of her attachment. Her subsequent outburst at his 'betrayal' had killed any future she may have had as a Jedi Knight.

She'd stormed off to join a task force headed towards Baltizaar, hard-headed as per usual, determined to prove both him and the Council wrong.

At least she'd finally broken her unseemly attachment to him.

Then the Senator from Naboo had disclosed to the Council the terrible truth of Galidraan -- that he and his fellow Jedi had murdered hundreds of innocent Mandalorians and assisted in selling the sole survivor of the massacre into slavery. The Council had bowed their heads in collective shame and then interrogated him for hours trying to find some fault in him that caused the confrontation to turn into a conflagration -- unwilling to say a word against the Senate who had not only given him the poor intelligence in the first place, but had demanded the surrender of any survivors to the Governor. Surely, the fault for this catastrophe lay mostly with the Senate --

The Council had demurred and invited him to take a period of reflection, which then was formally extended into months once word had returned of Komari's death at the hands of the Bando Gora.

This unwanted "sabbatical" is really a chance for him to set all his affairs in order with the Council none the wiser. Jenza has been hinting for years that with their father gone there could be a place for him on Serreno. Their brother is certainly making a mess of it currently.

There's no denying that he's grown tired of the Council's scheming and politicking that saw Mace Windu promoted to a Council seat before him.

Perhaps he may even be able to do some good once he slips the Senate's leash on the Jedi.

He's sorting through his personal library, deciding on which book he should pass on to Jocasta for her collection and those that he will keep for himself when the message comes.

It takes him a moment to realize that his communicator is going off, a series of strident rings. He's of a mind to ignore it -- commiserations on the loss of Komari have been pouring in non-stop, to the point where he'd actually silenced the Sith-cursed instrument just to get some peace...

Except... there were very few who had permission to override his silencing of the damned thing... and none would do so without a good reason.

He digs through the stacks of books to retrieve the obnoxious little device with an aggrieved sigh.

The message is short:

.bandomeer.

.obiwan kenobi.

.the boy must be trained.

The brevity and lack of capitalization meant that it could only be Qui-Gon. Some excuse about the keys being too small for his fingers, if he recalls correctly.

How interesting that Qui-Gon should reach out to him now, after a decade of strenuously avoiding him without an explanation ever given.

Stranger still that Qui-Gon would recommend to him some initiate washout who'd wound up in one of the "Jedi" Corps... Qui-Gon knew how he'd felt about the Corps, Stars knew they'd had enough "debates" on their utility to the Order back when Qui-Gon was his padawan.

It's a week or so out to Bandomeer, to go and gawk at Qui-Gon's newest pathetic lifeform and try and figure out what about the child had enchanted his former padawan so.

What does a delay of two weeks really matter in comparison to leaving the place that has been his home for over 60 years?

***///***

The limited space aboard the ship means that there really is no escaping Kenobi -- they're sharing a berth space at the Queen's command, along with Anakin, although he suspected there was enough space among the ship crew's quarters for *one* of them to bunk down there instead...

He's careful to never leave Anakin alone with the man, even though he knows that it's illogical. Kenobi did not see him at his best the last time they met all those years ago on Bandomeer, and he won't have the man dripping poison into the boy's ears.

Kenobi has been thankfully reserved at every strategy meeting, his attention mostly focussed on his own holopad where he jots down notes that he doesn't share. Qui-Gon would accuse him of shirking his duties, were it not for the occasional well-thought out suggestion that Kenobi offers when the silence grows too long between himself, the Queen, and Captain Panaka, as they desperately grasp for any semblance of a real plan to defeat the Trade Federation that isn't dependent on an outrageous amount of luck.

He'd sworn to himself that he would be civil to Kenobi as befits a Jedi Master, but after four days his patience with his unwanted companion has grown as thin as a Tooka's whisker. Especially the last two nights when Kenobi has taken up with the Queen's handmaidens after dinner in the mess hall until late into the night. The mess unfortunately shares a wall with their berth, and he can hear their raucous games of sabacc, what he's pretty sure are poetry readings, and occasionally Kenobi's lilting voice singing lover's ballads --

Speak of the Sith and he shall appear.

Qui-Gon groans internally as the door slides open to reveal Kenobi performing the sort of overcomplicated bow down the hallway that would not look out of place in one of those Alderani "historical" holodramas.

"Good night, fairest ladies," Kenobi calls out -- and Force, Qui-Gon thought Rael was bad!

There's a flurry of giggles, before a chorus of "Goodnight, Ser Kenobi"s comes from the handmaidens.

He's mollified to note that Kenobi's garments are undisturbed, the folds still crisp. Not that anything too untoward could have happened in a place as public as the mess hall.

Tonight it seems the handmaidens have elected to play with Kenobi's hair, arranging it in a braid that encircles his head like a crown. Kenobi's hair is still too short to do a proper version of the style, and short pieces hair stand out from his head. The handmaidens have covered these in some sort of wax that makes them curl up sharply at the tips.

Kenobi looks like a sun-bleached Zabrak.

"Good evening, Master Jinn," Kenobi takes a seat on the bunk opposite of Qui-Gon's, and begins to undo the braid, held in place with what is revealed to be an alarming number of pins.

"Kenobi," he replies, but it comes out sounding hostile so he adds, "You seem to have been having fun."

Force, that came out even worse.

Kenobi lets out a vague hum in response, running his fingers along his scalp to break up the last of the braid.

"Rabé was eager to experiment. Apparently Stewjoni hair is supposed to be more naturally inclined to sculptural styles than their own, and Eritaé and Sabé decided to join in."

"Not Padmé, then?" He's glad that not everyone seems to have fallen for "Ser" Kenobi's charms.

"No, I rather imagine the Queen has other things on her mind than pantomiming Courtly Love."

Kenobi reveals the Queen's identity so casually that Qui-Gon barely resists the urge to suck at his teeth - he can feel the ghostly cuffing of Master Dooku's palm on the back of his head every time he's tempted to.

My padawan will not act like a common farmer was the frequent rebuke.

Judging by the length of Kenobi's hair -- it's practically tradition for young Knights with hair to let it grow untamed for a time once they're no longer obligated to wear the traditional padawan cut -- Kenobi must have been knighted two to three years ago.

Qui-Gon thinks he may have received an invitation, but he'd been terribly busy with the mess in Ankorhajj that he absolutely couldn't tear himself away to attend something as frivolous as a lineage brother being knighted.

Then Master Dooku left the Order shortly afterwards and there hardly seemed a point in reconnecting with Kenobi at all. Their Master hadn't even deigned to leave a note.

"They're teenagers," He scolds, because while Qui-Gon's not unfamiliar with the concept of 'Courtly Love' in the Naboo sense, he's also aware how quickly attachments can form. Attachment has been the downfall of so many in their lineage...

"They're children preparing themselves to fight in a war," there's a flicker of what can only be described as an 'infinite sadness' in Kenobi's eyes, before the anger that Qui-Gon remembers most about Kenobi as a boy burns it away.

"The Naboo make a sport of Courtly Love. I'm already a lost cause by their rules, since my vows as a Jedi warn me away from developing the sort of jealousy required to even be capable of 'love' by their definition." Kenobi sighs and his anger cools, his gaze becoming distant.

"If pretending with them for a few hours every evening, however, keeps their minds off the horror that awaits them upon return to Naboo, then it's no hardship for me to entertain them."

Kenobi's expression becomes haughty and Qui-Gon is unpleasantly reminded of their mutual master. "It should comfort you to know that Captain Panaka has volunteered to act as their chaperone. He stopped looking ready to disembowel me after a couple hours last night and tonight started regaling us with the details of the courtship of his first wife. A romance worthy of a holodrama I believe was the consensus,"

Kenobi melodramatically collapses back into his bunk as if swooning.

This conversation is not going any place where Qui-Gon thought it would. He feels like he should apologize, but he's concerned that if he gives even a little that Kenobi will take a whole parsec. Their master certainly knew how to, and made certain to teach his padawans the skill.

"I should not have been so hasty in my judgement," Qui-Gon settles on. "I do not know you well enough to make such judgements about your character."

"And whose fault is that, brother," Kenobi replies with only the faintest hint of bitterness, as he sits back up and begins to remove his boots carefully.

They both sit in the uncomfortable silence that follows as Qui-Gon fights the urge to feel stung by Kenobi's accusation.

There was a grain of truth to it after all, at least from a certain point of view. Kenobi had messaged him multiple times in the early years of his padawanship, but there had always been something more important that needed Qui-Gon's attention immediately. Once Qui-Gon found the time to write a response months might have passed and he frequently found himself with nothing to say at all.

Eventually, Kenobi got the hint and the messages stopped.

Force, why couldn't Kenobi be satisfied that Qui-Gon had found him a master to make him into a knight and leave it at that?

Kenobi has moved on, placing his boots at the end of bunk, and standing as he begins removing his leather obi.

Kenobi pauses, staring into the dim red glow of the wall chronometer for a moment, before looking over his shoulder at Qui-Gon with an absolutely wicked look on his face.

"It's ten in the evening, Master Jinn, do you know where your padawan is?"

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #star wars au #fanfic #star wars fanfiction #qui gon jinn #count dooku #yan dooku #Lineage cousins au #disaster lineage #Dooku is Obi-Wan Kenobi's master AU #padme's handmaidens #Padmé in her quarter life crisis playing the sexy version of Courtly Love with Anakin makes the black corset dress in aotc make sense OK #As well as everything that happens afterwards #Obi-Wan and the handmaidens are basically having a sleep over and playing Mystery Date

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