#BUT I CERTAINLY NEED THEM SO THEY ARENT USELESS

[ween-kitchens]

if I see another person saying that tone indicators are fundamentally useless simply because they don’t need them i’m gonna start biting people

[kurosstuff]

Lute x fallen angel! Reader: Fallen

Short fic- tell me what you think! Hope you all enjoy it-!

Summary" lute SHOULD hate you. But. How can she?

HEAVY SPOILERS MENTIONED LIKE AKL OVER(in this like one?) IDK PLEASE. ALL HAZBIN FICS I WRITE ARENT SPOILER FREE UNLESS I STATE THAT IT IS. YOUVE BEEN WARNED

Warning(s): blood/fights, love at first sight, maybe ooc lute? Idk yoy tell me I never wrote her, heartbreak, also from my knowledge? Wing movements(from birds please correct me on the info if I do it wrong I do not own birds) in denial, Adam and his vulgur language

Ngl I love lute-

Lute a cruel sadistic woman. Odd place for a woman in heaven. But given her status as the leader of the executioners. The one who leads the battles against those vile sinners. Who trains the angels picked to fight herself. The woman second in command to Adam himself.

It's a fitting role.

Never in a million years(and she HAS been around for that long. Or so she lost track of such a useless thing) would she? A ruthless exterminator encounter this thing other fully pure angels speak of.

Love

Why would she? Lute is a fighter. A warrior. The one who Adam HIMSELF entrusts his life too. Why would she fall for anyone? She doesn't even know if she CAN feel such a thing.

But as always- Life(or afterlife?) Is full of surprises. She was well aware of a new angel coming in. Recently passed in some horrific accident she doesn't care for the details just knows- need to pick them apart see if their ruthless enough to fight. But the second she went into the room her eyes widden- an odd feeling in her chest as If her heart- her cold heart was heating up.

"Hello~ are you uh Lute?" You asked shyly- which given the situation even the most outgoing would be just as shy. She blinked, glad for the mask to hide the flushed expression - the confusion on it.

Clearing her throat, she nods slowly, ensuring you saw "I am. Welcome to Heaven, " she greeted uncharacteristically polite- gentle. If you were to be mistaken, she ignored the odd look Adam gave her, looking at the name tag, even your name is pretty- she blinked.

What?

She did NOT just think that. She did NOT Find you pretty. Gorgeous. She does NOT notice how your eyes sparkle how friendly your smile is as you both talked. She most certainly doesn't notice how your wings are the single most gorgeous pair she's ever seen. How white it is- signaling how pure you are. How the gold etched into it- putting to shame her grey and black wings- smiling soft behind her mask. How how she wishes to touch the- she stops she will NOT think that

-

It became as clear as day to her and anyone else. Lute? Is inlove. And not just anyone. The new angel- the kind soul who? Adam states follows her around like a lost puppy or in Adam's kind words "Hey look. It's lutes bitch!" Oh how she wishes to punch him everytime- hit that smug look off. But she won't. Not yet.

A common tradition in heaven- like the birds in the human realm(maybe a odd similarity she presumed. She doesn't care for the human realm after all) finding a mate, a lover with the most gorgeous wings. It was no surprise you gained such attention

Much to her displeasure.

Grumbling watching as how you yet again were surrounded by angels around you- and ad always rejecting them before that smile she oh so adored. Yet would never state aloud was sent her way- making her scowl darkly(but on the inside? She was warm) quickly making your way to her she noticed how you fidgeted. How red you were "out with it. What is it?" She grumbled out no matter how warm and soft she was on the inside? Her words on the outside could never match. No matter how she wished it

White cleared her vision making her back up scrunching her nose before finally realizing what it was- a feather. Not just any old feather. Your feather "i.. i want you to have it.. I know the meaning bur when I was preening my wings u couldn't help it.. I want you to have my feather" they whispered watching as she gently took the feather.

Silently accepting them courting her with a soft smile. Maybe she can make it a necklace?

-

As great as it was up there. There were rules. Easy to forget. Easy to break. But rules nonetheless. Once Adam instructed her to strip a betrayers wings, Lute sighed. Grumbling loudly going to the room. Ignoring the odd almost somber pitiful look Adam gave her. Hiding the feather in her shirt tucked safe near her heart, she hummed, stepping inside fixing her helmet before freezing

"No-"

Her heart dropped paling more then she was already at the bloodied sight

"NO WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"

She roared storming to your bloodied frame she couldn't help but break her never-ending composure for the first time, kneeling to your side "do you HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS?" She snarled ripping her mask off showing her teary face. Knowing her counter was now a sinner. Her angel was a traitor. A million emotions went through her head glaring down at you with every emotion but the one she should feel.

It wasn't hate.

She ignored her feelings, swallowing it down she ignored the reasoning of what you did. Of what you SAID. putting her mask on, she steeled herself. She was an executioner. A peacemaker. She takes care of the issue. So she pushed you down with her foot grabbing your once gorgeous wings now bloodied gold- in her one hand grabbing her spear she sliced. Ignoring how she was covered in your blood. The deafening screams of pain. Of agony. How you begged for her. She took a sigh taking her mask off giving you the chance to se her one last time. Without the mask. How she stared cold at you.

Before the ground opened up, "lute. Before I go- please I lo-" she cut you off, kicking you in. Closing her eyes as the ground closed. For the first time ever. She fell to her knees, holding the now broken wings sobbing out for a sinner. How was she not a sinner to for showing the regret. Showing the selfishness in this?

~~

It wasn't long before she saw you again. Traveling down with Adam to meet with Charlie and her girlfriend- to Lute it was a vile relationship. Not because of the sex- no- because of the liar Vaggie is. How that bitch betrayed her kind and then fell for the ruler of hells daughter. She could almost laugh.

Blinking, ignoring the yelling match of Adam and Charlie. Looking out the window, she froze mouth wide open- even though the demons back was turned. No wings but a tail and horns. She knew that laugh. She knew that smell. No matter how different you looked. Eyes soft watching you turn. Even as a demon. You truly are a beautiful creature. She softened her gaze behind her mask before looking away in disgust. Not with you.

But herself.

Lute a angel? Finds a demon attractive. Sure it's you but. Your a demon. A angel and demon together is vile. Disgusting in all sense of the worse.

But even now. She can't help but still long for you. Long for the almost relationship. Frowning, she looked back at Adam, who watched her with a frown. She knew they'd have a talk. Sighing, she followed after him with a deep sigh

She truly wished this outcome was different. How she longs to see you once more. Touching the feather on her chest she sighs

The only way she would be with you. Is if she was fallen as well. What a cruel irony.

[maltmealo]

Chapter 13: Apologies

That-"

"Yeah."

"We did that?"

"Adorable arent they?"

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Doctor

I didn’t know you for very long, I wish I had. You seemed like a nice guy regardless of how silent you were or how little you spoke with your hands. Maybe you hate me in whatever afterlife you choose, I know I certainly would have been angry at whoever was stupid enough to drive off a cliff. Stupid is a generous word for what I did, but I hope you know that I am sorry.

The pencil rests in your hand loosely, the trembling of your hands makes it hard to write neatly. The words scrawled on the paper feel empty, useless in the face of the grave you dug for an innocent bystander.

You deserved more, I know you can’t read this but

The pencil. A tool used to erase mistakes and make something better. But you weren’t a pencil, you were a sad little human writing a letter to a dead man.

The pencil is dropped and the paper crumpled, ending up in the trash, or more likely beside it, with the multitude of other letters you tried to write.

“Can’t find the words?” Nurse Darby asked from beside you, looking from your vitals to you.

Nurse Darby had been there when you woke up, with a warm smile and a kind voice in the stark white hospital room.

“Words are useless, he’s dead and can’t hear them,” You say solemnly, looking down at your casted arm as Nurse Darby comes up to you.

“Maybe not, but it’s still nice to get your feelings out there,” She offers, picking up the pencil and piece of paper and setting it on the food tray in front of you, already cleaned off from your earlier breakfast.

“Why does that matter? He’s dead.” You scoff, leaning back and staring at the paper with disdain. You would’ve crossed your arms but the cast prevented it.

“He may be dead, but you’re not, he’s not going to hate you for letting your feelings out,” she laughs, shaking her head and giving you a sympathetic smile, “you’re a sweet girl, I’m sure he knew that as well as anyone who talks to you for more than five seconds.”

“When I first came in I was screaming and bit someone,” you state bluntly, the memories of being wheeled in on a stretcher all too vivid in your head, the unbearable ache in your chest, the feeling of something being ripped away from you piece by piece like a wet paper towel.

“Eh, most of the people here are,” She shrugs, picking up the clipboard again and looking it over, “It looks like we’re releasing you soon, That Agent Fowler fella came by about an hour ago and signed your release form.”

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Agent Fowler stepped in, adjusting his tie as he sent you a smile.

“Glad to see you’re awake, Miss,” he says, standing beside your bed as he puts a hand on your uninjured shoulder, “We were quite worried about you, but it seems like we had nothing to worry about.”

“Agent Fowler,” You greet, giving him a tired smile as you sit up a bit straighter, more than happy to see a familiar face.

“Nurse, may we have a moment?”

“Of course, just press the call button if you need me,” she turns to you, gesturing to the remote with a big red button beside you.

She leaves the room, the door closing behind her with a click. Agent Fowler shuts the blinds to the office, turning back to you with a serious look.

“Breakdown escaped,” he starts grimly, crossing his arms as he walks to the window to the outside, “When we went to collect him he was gone, apparently getting crushed by a mountain means nothing to those ‘cons.”

You didn’t know how to feel about that, he seemed like a normal guy, except for the obvious metal part, and he was nice to you. Well, niceish. He did almost crush you, but other than that he was okay.

“We’ll be taking you back to the base, it was too dangerous to move you earlier but now it's a must, we can only hide you for so long.”

“Oh,” you say, looking down at your feet, “right, thank you.”

You don’t know why you were sad, you would be safe with the Autobots, and they would get you home after the war ends, right?

Then again, your injuries had been mostly due to the giant ‘bots. Ratchet breaking what was supposedly keeping your soul from dissipating, the Autobots' carelessness in letting a Decepticon sneak into their base, Bulkhead not even taking a second to break Breakdown’s chest, his death.

“Here, put these on, they should be your size,” Agent Fowler sets a bag down on the bed, unzipping it for you and pulling the set of clothes out.

You look at the clothes in your lap and then at the cast on your arm, a blank look on your face.

“I can go get the nurse if you need help,” Fowler says quickly, noticing your look, “I would help you myself but I doubt you want me to do that.”

The rustling of paper caught both of your attention, your note was picked up off the ground, dark slim fingers uncrumpling the note ever so gently, black eyes reading the letter.

“Ah, doctor Sowa, you’ve arrived, good.” Agent Fowler said with a smile, looking at the man, clad in a lab coat and all.

He nods in response, not looking up from the note.

You’re stunned, he wasn’t dead.

He finally looks up and takes the pen, flipping your abandoned note over and writing on it.

I will help, it says, the scribbles barely legible, almost like a first grader who just learned how to write. He holds it up for Fowler to see, tapping the pen against the paper before pointing at the door, a silent command.

“Ah, I’ll take that as my cue, I will be waiting outside, Miss.” he smiles at you again, giving your shoulder a comforting squeeze before leaving the room.

The silence was almost deafening, you couldn’t help but stare, he didn’t even have a scratch on him, not at all beat up like someone who supposedly fell a hundred feet.

He flips the paper over again, reading the unfinished note intensely before looking back up at you.

Again, he flips the paper, showing you the scribbles, and then gesturing to the clothes.

“Oh.” is all you could mutter, your voice caught in your throat.

He pauses before pulling the sheets down, grabbing your uninjured arm, and pulling you to your feet, your legs (after not having stood up for three days) gave out.

He stared down at you for a moment, pulling you back up onto the bed with surprising strength from such a scrawny-looking man. Letting you go and crossing his arms, not assumed by the situation.

You stare back up at him, finally regaining your voice.

“I thought you were dead,” You whisper meekly, suddenly not feeling too well.

He grabs the piece of paper again, tapping ‘help’ before offering his hand to you. You take it and he stands you up, putting a hand under your arm to keep you from falling.

“I’m sorry.”

Nothing, he gets you out of the hospital gown.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

He helps you into a loose t-shirt, large enough for your cast to fit through.

“How did you survive?”

He pauses, shaking his head before helping you into pants, considerably easier than the shirt.

“Am I hallucinating?”

He looks up at you, the narrow green eyes showing no hint of what he is thinking. He shakes his head.

“You’re not even hurt,” you say, not able to process the fact that he just saw you nude, how many times do you get to see someone you thought was dead, alive, and well?

He doesn’t respond, going outside of the room and coming back with a wheelchair, helping you get into it without hurting yourself even more.

It’s quiet except for the usual clammer of the hospital, babies screaming, people crying, people complaining.

Suddenly he stops, letting a screaming and crying woman be ushered past, she looked like she had been dumped into a bucket of blood and then slammed into a wall. She was cradling an unmoving bloody mass, the thing that made you gag was the little hand attached by strings of flesh hanging out the wad of flesh.

Sowa’s head moves with the gurney, staring at the bloody mess, not willing or able to move.

“Hey, what happened?” You ask one of the passing nurses, the image burns into your brain.

“Car crash, it was flipped into a ditch,” he explains, watching as they usher her into a room, “poor woman, she was here last month to give birth.”

You utter a thank you to the nurse and he nods, going on about his day, you still haven’t moved yet, Sowa was staring in the direction they had gone, the faint screaming in the distance an eerie howl of a new mother pain.

“Hey, Doctor, are you okay?” You ask, shifting in your seat to look up at the unblinking man, tears forming in the corners of his eyes and dripping down his face, a race to the bottom of his chin only to be soaked up by the fabric of his mask.

He reaches up and touches his cheeks, his head slowly turning to look in front of him as he begins to move again, tears still falling from his eyes.

The first emotion you get from the doctor is his pain, it feels ironic as you reach up and put a hand on his, hoping it would offer some amount of comfort.

You enter the empty elevator, clicking the button for the bottom floor as Sowa stands behind you.

“I know I'm not in any place to say but, I’m sorry,” you say as you maneuver your body to look at him, the burning pain feeling like nothing, “I know the look of someone who lost a kid.”

He doesn’t look down at you, staring straight ahead as he gets ready to get off the elevator, you turn back around. You don’t know what you expecting, he’s probably still mad at you for driving off a cliff, he doesn’t want to hear words of pity from a person who almost killed him-

He places a hand on your shoulder, the grip gently yet firm as he taps your shoulder.

One

Two

Three.

[detransexual]

Okay but i HATE when gencrits say shit like "uhHMMmm if ur body is causing u this much distress u need to seek therapy not surgery :/" like gee thanks, thats not an option tho lol. Like its legitimately not offered as a treatment option for dysphoria where i live, they're not allowed to even attempt treating dysphoria in ways that arent medical transition. Ive raised this concern with my gender clinic, and im consistently met with defensiveness that borders on outright hostility, ive had appointments derail completely because my provider gets so provoked by me expressing that i still experience dysphoria yet do not identify as trans that they start debating trans rights with me, or because i express concerns about the fact that i was told (BY THEM) that transition is the ONLY treatment for dysphoria, or because i express concerns/disappointment/sadness that there were no other options offered and that i, as a deeply suicidal teenager with undiagnosed aspbergers, was put in a situation where my only reasonable choice to manage my day to day life was an irreversible medical transition. Telling people that they need therapy and not transition isnt gonna do shit, because in a lot of "progressive" places that straight up isnt an option. And if you do have dysphoria, and do not id as trans, and you want to talk about that in therapy, guess what, you're still going to be encouraged to transition, because that's the only treatment they're legally allowed to offer you. Psychiatry is a blighted hellscape. There is no point to this post i have no solution im just complaining because being severely dysphoric is an absolute nightmare and "go to therapy" is in a lot of places not just useless but actively detrimental when you consider the fact that the therapy in question is going to involve psychiatric professionals telling you that your only hope of getting better IS to transition. Anyway. Im pissed off and i hate psychiatry and i hate sweden and i hate fucking jävla lundströms. Like i agree with the sentiment! But going to therapy for it involved being told that you should transition! So does it actually help anyone to tell them to "just go to therapy" instead? I dont know man, it certainly doesnt if you're swedish and severely dysphoric.

[abcsofadhd]

I’m sorry this is way too long and too depressing, I ended up venting because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. If you see this ask, feel free to ignore, you don’t need to publish all of it or any of it. My question is at the very end.

I was recently diagnosed about 3 months ago and started meds with the sole, singular hope that I would be able to start tasks. that’s it. no other symptom I have matters to me, i just want to be able to start the tasks I want to start when I want to start them. I’ll accept any shitty side effect if it means I can actually do the work I need to do. I’m so fucking desperate to be able to get my work done, my entire workflow was absolutely destroyed and every coping mechanism I ever adopted rendered totally useless by COVID. My inability to work, meet deadlines, and follow through on promises has been ruining my life since March.

I was tentatively excited (among other weird complex feelings) when I got my diagnosis because I’d hoped that meds would be a solution. I’d read peoples accounts of how all the tasks that were hard for them suddenly became so easy, and I was so hopeful that maybe I didn’t have to be like this forever.

But it’s been three months now, and I’ve been through several stimulants at various dosages, and none of them have done literally anything. I haven’t felt the calm people talk about, I haven’t felt anything at all, and I certainly haven’t seen any increase in productivity at any point. The stimulants I’ve tried either have super inconsistent benefits, or they have no beneficial effect at all at any dose my GP is willing to prescribe.

One of the meds actively hurt my productivity because not only did it give me fucking nothing, I spent two weeks (until I gave up on it and we moved to the next one) coming home utterly exhausted and lightheaded with a headache and laying in the dark at 5pm refreshing twitter for hours and feeling helpless and shitty about how much work I wasn’t doing. That med was the worst one, the rest mostly did nothing except make me not hungry. The most effective one so far increased the frequency that I had hyperfocus, which was better than increasing fuck all, but I still couldn’t choose what to hyperfocus on or switch tasks, so it still didn’t give me the one and only thing I need. And for some reason it stopped even giving me that at higher doses?

And I guess at this point I’ve just lost hope that meds will ever be effective for me. I know it hasn’t been that long, 3 months is basically nothing, I’ve read this can take years. And there’s still other meds to try, and if the next one doesn’t work my GP will refer me to a psychiatrist who might be willing to try higher doses. But in the meantime I’ve continued to not be able to work and faced the professional consequences, and it’s been so humiliating and frustrating and hopeless. It’s like I’m waiting for a miracle to occur, and my life is on hold until it happens. I keep getting angry at random posts that share their success stories and talk about how different it is when you start meds, because that’s exactly what got my hopes up. I feel so helpless.

It’s just so demoralizing that I’ve spent my entire fucking life until 3 months ago assuming that I don’t have it any different from anyone else, so if I was struggling, it must just be because I’m lazy and stupid and worthless. And I just accepted that that’s how I am and I can’t change it, so I was able to make my peace with it and find ways around it. But now, I find out that maybe I wasn’t ever lazy and stupid, and there’s a solution that’s supposed to fix me. And now I can’t go back to just accepting that I’m like this forever, I want that solution to work so badly. But the solution isn’t working, nothing’s different. It’s supposed to be different and it’s not. So I’m still just as worthless as I always was and might still be forever. The status quo remains unchanged except for the fact that I don’t know how to accept it anymore.

If meds just don’t work for me at all, then that means I’m just stuck like this forever, and like. That means I should probably stop wasting my time and everyone’s time and drop out of grad school. If meds cant get me to start necessary, important, time sensitive work, then I will not be able to complete this program and I definitely would not be successful in the competitive career I’ve worked towards. I don’t know.

I’m sorry for venting, I’m sorry this was depressing. The question I wanted to ask is, is there a good way to tell that meds won’t work for you? Is it supposed to feel like something, or not feel like something? Do you think there’s a point when it’s not really worth it to continue trying meds and upping dosages? Thanks, sorry again.

Hey, no need to apologize. Genuinely. 

See, finding the right meds and right dosage takes time. I had to try 3-4 meds at 5 or so different strengths till I settled on one that worked for me.

Everyone ticks differently. So different meds can work differently with people.

⠀

How I figure out the effectivity of meds is how easy it makes it for me to shower. Its usually such an effort for me, usually taking up to an hour of psyching myself up. 

On meds, or rather the right dosage of meds, I can just get up and shower and immediately. 

⠀

Your experiences are valid. They are also common among ADHDers. 

I’ve gotten asks many times from ADHDers wondering if there was a point in trying out different meds. Cause yea, trying different meds can be tiring and take a lot of mental effort.

⠀

There’s also something I wanna add at the end, from what you’ve said.

every coping mechanism I ever adopted rendered totally useless by COVID

⠀

Stress and large changes make coping harder. A lot of ADHDers are struggling more because of it, medicated or not. 

My point is that THAT could be the reason you arent finding your meds to be as useful as they could be. 

Meds make it easier to do things you want to do. Coping strategies allow us to structure tasks to make it easier to do. 

So what happens if our coping strategies fail? 

Well, meds wouldn’t be as effective.

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Burnt Out

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N has to work from home during Quarantine, but when she gets extremely busy it’s up to Tom to find a way to help her relax .

A/N: This is my second attempt at this piece. Last time I created this it was super long but it got deleted 😩

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night | Silence is Golden?|

All Y/N ever wanted was an opportunity to work from home. Then again, who wouldn't want that opportunity? All she could think about was how nice it’d be to work in the comfort of her own home, not have to dress up in business professional clothing, and most importantly be surrounded by the people she cared for the most. But as the saying goes, “Be careful for what you wish for.”

When a global pandemic decided to take over 2020, Y/N certainly got her wish. Her company was forced to work from home until further notice, but what she didn’t expect was the amount of work she would be given. Y/N was pulled from project to project with deadlines thin as paper, and was expected to pick up the extra work of those that were no longer with the company. There was no time to catch a breath, and there certainly was no time to spend with her beloved boyfriend, Tom. This only made Y/N more depressed and made the Holland boys only more concerned.

“Mate, you got to get her to take a break. She’s gonna overdo it.” Harrison commented to his best friend, as they watched Y/N type away like a zombie from the kitchen.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Tom responded with a defeated sigh. “Every time I ask her, she always brushes it off and claims shes fine. Don't get me wrong, Im proud of her and admire her work ethic, but damn its sucking the life out of her.”

Both Harrison and Tom continued to observe Y/N with a cup of tea on hand, wondering how long it would take before she snapped. Tom hated seeing her like this. To him this wasn’t fair. It’s not fair that her 8 hour shift now became a 15 hr shift. Its not fair that she had to work 3 weekends straight, and it certainly wasn’t fair that her company took precious time away to be together. It was hard enough already that he couldn’t spend time with Y/N like a normal boyfriend would because of filming. Now, that he has the opportunity to make up for the lost time, it’s taken away.

“What if you surprised her?” Harrison quipped.

Tom looked up at his best friend with curious eyes. It took a few minutes to sink in, until the brightest idea figuratively smacked him in the face. “Yeah...yeah!” he responded, a smile forming “And I think I know exactly how to do it.”

As Tom was working through the thought process of his brilliant plan, his younger brother entered the kitchen, looking for his usual afternoon snack. “Hey, does anyone know where —. Oh no...” Harry groaned as he looked up at Tom and Harry. “Whatever it is that you two are planning...Leave me out of it.”

“Come on, mate. You dont even know what were planning.” Harrison defended

“Believe me, I know enough and any plan that involves you in it, is likely to fail 99.9% of the time.” Harry opened up his bag of crisps as he continued to list out the other 99 possible reason why they should have left Y/N alone like she wanted. “Cmon guys, you know how she gets. When she doesnt want to be bothered, she doesnt want to be bothered.”

“You’re right Harry, but she’s so stressed, she’s homesick, and one day she’s going to overdo it. Id be a shit boyfriend, if I let it happen.” Tom reasoned. “Look, Im not trying to do anything crazy here. I just want to give her that sense of comfort and see her relax.”

Harry looked at his brother and then at Harrison, both displaying their best puppy dog eyes, in hopes that he’ll join in. “The face doesnt work on me...but I’ll help for Y/N’s sake.”

Meanwhile, Y/N continued her work in the living room, her eyes firmly glued to the computer screen. After being dragged into the kitchen and the Holland plan, Tuwaine slowly made his way to Y/N. “Hey Y/N.” he happily greeted. “I think it’s time for you get some fresh air, don’t you think?”

Y/N looked up, her glasses slightly shifting forward down her nose. “You know theres this thing called being stuck in Quaratine right?” she responded, continuing to code her project.

“I think the real question is do you really want to work here when there’s just nothing but CONSTANT NOISE !” Tuwaine yelled out, hoping the others would catch on.

“What?!” Tom yelled back. It took him some time to realize what Tuwaine meant by his statement. “Oh...Right!” Quickly, Tom grabbed whatever pot or pan he could grab his hands on and dropped them on the counter. Harrison and Harry gave Tom the strangest look. “What? I gave him some noise?”, he shrugged.

“See?” Tuwaine smiled back at Y/N. “You wouldnt want to distract that working brain of yours with all this going on, right?” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as Tuwaine as she looked at him and the closed off kitchen. Did they think she was born yesterday? Of course she knew they were up to something. None of the boys were subtle enough to keep everything hush hush.

Y/N shook her head and decided to just go with it. The faster she complied, the faster they’d leave her alone, which only meant more time to finish her work. Tuwaine helped carry her laptop, mouse, and charger to the porch as he led her outside. “See, arent you glad your outside, breathing in fresh air with no distractions?”, Tuwaine spoke out.

Y/N took her time to admire the view. “Wow”, she whispered under her breath. Y/N couldnt remember the last time she set foot outdoors. Seeing the sunlight hit the flower beds, the gentle breeze rustle through the grass; it was beautiful. Of course, the moment was short lived with a simple ding, which only multiplied by the second.

Y/N dripped her head back, trying to rub out the frustration from her face. “Yes, well it was fun while it lasted. Duty calls.”

“Im sure they wouldnt mind if you just took five minutes for yourself at least.” Tuwaine commented, feeling bad about the amount of work he saw popping up on your screen.

“Yeah well that’s Corporate for you. Doesnt matter if you’re 500 km away or if a virus is hurting the population. If you’re not working, you’re useless.” Y/N shrugs. It wasn’t like her company was completely evil, this was just how business worked.

“I know Y/N, and we all see that you care deeply about your work but we’re all so worried about you too. We want you to be mentally okay as well. I know Tom is worried about you the most...He misses you, you know.”

Y/N’s heart dropped the second she heard him say it. She knew that all of this was gonna take some time away from Tom, but she hadn’t realized how much he would be missing her, even though they’re living under the same roof. “Yeah I miss him too, more than anyone will know. Believe me.” Y/N pondered for a moment as she stared at the work in front of her. Perhaps five minutes couldn’t hurt. “Maybe I will take that break after all.”

“Really?”, Tuwaine was surprised she had agreed so quickly, and at the same time he panicked. Tom and the others were not ready for Y/N’s surprise yet. “On second thought, Im wrong. You should keep going and try to finish up that project of yours or else you’ll never be done.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N asked as she tried to close her laptop. “You just spent a whole half hour trying to convince me to stop working, and now you want me to go back and work?”

“Yeah..I mean what do I know, right?” He laughed nervously. Tuwaine looked back at the door, for some sort of signal. Come on man it’s not like your preparing a break for the Queen of England.

“Listen Tuwaine, if I go back there and you boys break anything in that house...I swear— I’ll”

“Y/N!” Tom interjected as he stepped out to the porch. He wrapped his arms behind her waist, giving her a gently kiss on the top of her head. “How’s work, my pretty girl?” He looked back at Tuwaine and mouthed a thank you to him as he left the love birds alone.

Y/N turned around to face Tom, taking in his features and running her hands at the nape of his neck. “Busy, but what else is new? I’ve been missing you a whole lot”

“Me too, darling. Anyway, Im really hoping you can take a break from all this because I’ve got something special for you.”

“Oh no, babe. You know you didnt have to anything for me. Really Im fine..I-“

“I wanted to. In fact the boys wanted in on it too. So this is really from all of us, if you think about it.” Tom grabbed Y/N’s hand as he led her back in to house. “Come.”

As they both enetered the house hand in hand, Tom led Y/N into the kitchen, where the rest of the boys waited with diner burgers in hand and warm homemade chocolate chip cookies on the side of table. What seemed like a simple meal was a cure for any bad day..at least for Y/N it was. It represented a sense of home for her, while being far from Jersey. Even though she hadnt realized it, Tom and the boys knew she needed it. “Wow” Y/N breathed “I...I dont know what to say.”

“Dont say, just eat” Harrison laughed. “In all honesty this was Tom’s idea. We just wanted to make sure you had the support you need.”

“Yeah you deserve this, so please enjoy it.” Harry added. With that, everyone dug in and bonded over a family dinner, sharing laughs and stories. Tom leaned toward Y/N whispering in her ear, “I have a few more surprises after this.”

The next few surprises did not disappointment. He set up a nice warm bath for the two of them to relax and enjoy each others compny. A few subtle kisses, laughter, and silence was shared between the two. Y/N leaned back into Tom’s chest, feeling the water gently flow back and forth. Breathing in and out, she had forgotten how good this felt. Being close to Tom, was a different experience, one that no one could ever do justice. This was what she really needed.

After the bath, Tom led her into their shared bedroom. For a moment, Y/N stopped him as she pulled his head down to hers, giving him the kiss he rightfully deserved. Her lips crashed with his, his hands gently holding the sides of her tiny face. He picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and situated themselves on the bed. Reluctantly, they both pulled away, catching their breath. Their foreheads touching and noses gently rubbing the others. “I love you. I love you more than you could possibly know.” Y/N whispered to him

“And I love you. I just want to give you the world because you deserve it all. My hardworking pretty girl.” Of course all good things must come to an end.

After a great well spent break was shared between Y/N and Tom, she was back on the work grind. Only this time she was working in their room as Tom was reading a script for his next upcoming project. The more Y/N coded, the sleepier she was getting. It onyl took a few minutes before she started leaning into Tom and her eyes started to flutter. Her breaths became slower and she was out like a light.

Tom turned to look at Y/N, smiling to see the sight of her finally at peace. He removed her glasses and set them by her table side. Tom made sure to clock her out of work abd checked to see if her work was saved. Just as he was about to turn off her laptop, another message popped up. “Great”, he muttered, rolling his eyes at the fact her team is still working at this hour. He couldnt help but read it though. Just how badly did they need her anyway?

We all know how hard you’re working and going above and beyond to get these projects out the door. For that, we thank you! On behalf of the company we’d like you all to take a day off on us!

Tom smiled, relieved that shell finally get some time for herself. Feeling triumphant, he shut off her laptop and set it aside. Crawling back into the bed and covering themselves under the blanket. His arms wrapped her waist once again. “Goodnight, my love. Im so proud of you.” he whispered.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Silent Nightmares (Pt.2)

-------------------------

The thing Emile did the most often and felt the guiltiest about in the camp, was sleeping. Patton had told him dozens of times that it didnt matter and he'd been on his own since the apocalypse started so if he needed to spend most of his time resting it was ok, but it didnt feel right.

Even when he knew there were people in the camp who did nothing but talk to the others, it still didnt feel right that he couldnt do anything to help.

But he'd stopped bringing this up fairly quickly, mostly out of fear that they'd kick him out for bringing up how useless he was so often.

"Eeeemmmmm, its wake up tiiiiimmmmeeee," Emile shuddered as he felt a gentle nudge on his side and rolled over in bed, blinking a few times before realizing it had been Remus who woke him up.

"You have practice today, sound fun?" Remus said as Emile wriggled his way out of bed.

"Yeah, by the way what was all that noise last night? I thought I heard someone screaming?" Emile said, raising an eyebrow at Remus as he went to change.

"Oh that was just one of the other campers, some of us get a little jumpy yeah?" Remus said.

"Oh- that makes sense-" Emile said, thinking for a few moments.

"Oh and keep that binder off for today, you've been wearing it for much to long and doing stuff like this with it on is going to hurt," Remus said, Emile's face went scarlet.

"You knew?" He said quietly.

"I have to tell Roman at least five times a day to take breaks from his," Remus said with a shrug.

"Ok- fine- I'll take it off," Emile sighed, waiting for Remus to leave the room so he could change.

Emile had never been to the training grounds before, he wasnt entirely sure what to expect, but what he did find certainly wouldnt have matched.

"Theres two training rooms, one with simulation-based activities so you can practice without getting hurt or risking trauma exposure, and another one with real obstacles, and real weapons," Remus said as he came to stand next to Emile.

"What kind of obstacles?" Emile asked.

"Sometimes we try and keep zombies that we think we can save, our scientists have been working on a cure for a while, but it doesnt always have the expected results, and normally I'm against 'putting things out of their misery', but the things a failed cure can do to these corpses. . . A second death is the merciful option," Remus continued.

"Wait. . . You said there were some you had to kick out, does that mean they're just in the labs?" Emile asked.

"Yeah, our head scientists are Logan and King, me and Roman's older brother, they've been working on a cure, but they refuse to test it on old members of the camp," Remus said, still sounding mildly dismayed.

"Were you close with a lot of them?" Emile said quietly.

"One was basically a brother to me, or more accurately brother-in-law, Roman and King are still distraught about it," Remus responded.

"Oh dear. . ." Emile whispered, running his fingers through Remus' hair.

"But let's not dwell on it now- you've got training to do," Remus said, shaking his head.

"We'll start you off with terrain obstacles, I've seen the look on your face when you hear gunshots," Remus said, Emile shuffled his feet slightly.

"Hey theres no reason to be ashamed of it, weve got at least two other campers who can barely even hear about guns without breaking down, you're not a failure for disliking them," Remus said.

"Let's just- get to the training-" Emile replied hastily.

"Alright, gloves on first, I know you like to maneuver with your hands and I'd rather you not give yourself frostbite or a bloody palm," Remus said, gesturing to a table. Emile walked over and slipped on a pair of gloves, they were warm and soft, he debated keeping them when the training session ended.

"Alright, first up, gravel and ice," Remus said, gesturing to a nearby surface, Emile could see sharp grays speaking out from the white snow.

"Now we'll be using fans to mimic heavy winds, so dont get to confident, just because a surface is relatively flat doesnt mean it's easy to conquer," Remus said, pulling out a remote.

"Alright, whenever you're ready," Remus said as the fan began to start up.

Emile took a few breaths, even from so far back he could feel a push from the fan, so, he dropped to the ground, and scrambled forward, latching on to the larger gray rocks to keep from being pushed away.

"Alright now back to me!" Remus called, louder now that Emile was on the other end of the terrain. The trip back was a lot easier, since the wind was pushing him in the right direction.

They carried on with wind-based obstacles for a while, until Remus decided it was time to move a step up.

"How good are you with climbing?" Remus asked, Emile's eyes scanned the various makeshift hills and climbing walls.

"Not sure, I've never really done it before, but I like the idea of it," Emile replied.

"Dont worry, I'll catch you if something happens, I promise," Remus said, Emile shivered slightly.

He did well for a while, until he got to the highest part of the cliffs, and then he felt his foot slip.

And then he was falling, and everything felt distant, he shut his eyes, wishing yet again that he couldve had his wings in reality.

And then he woke up laying down, a few hours later from what he'd seen on the clock.

"Oh thank gods-" Emile blinked as he heard Remus' voice.

"Emmy I'm so sorry- I cant believe I so stupid! Oh gods I'm such a failure i cant believe i let this happen-" Emile reached a hand out and grasped Remus'.

"But I'm alive arent I? The cushions you set out still worked didnt they?" Emile replied.

"Emile you broke your leg," Remus said frantically.

"I- what?" Emile attempted to sit up, only to let out a loud squeak as the aforementioned leg began shooting pain through his body.

"Dont move- itll get worse if you move-" Remus said.

"How long do I have to stay here?" Emile whispered.

"We're going to have to amputate it, you'll stay here for a week or two before you can get back out," Remus said, burying his head in his hands.

"Remus. . ." Emile continued speaking in softer tones.

"This wasnt supposed to happen! It's a training simulation!" Remus droned on.

"Remus!" Emile's tone took a sudden sharp turn, startling Remus out of his hands.

"Mistakes happen. This is an apocalypse. Zombies arent the only things capable of losing limbs. I'll be fine! I promise!" Emile replied, holding Remus' face in his hands.

"You're not upset?" Remus replied.

"I mean sure I'll miss the leg, but no, I'm not upset with you," Emile said, smiling before laying back down, resting a hand in Remus' palm.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

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@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

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@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

[snickletastic]

My Boyfriend's Back {Jason Todd x Reader + Batfam}

warnings~ SEXUAL ASSAULT, uncomfortable situations, seriously don’t read this if you have any problems with sexual assault scenarios!!! cursing, and extreme angst.

summary~ inspired by the song my boyfriend’s back, by the angels, reader is waiting for jason to get back home from a mission, but comes upon some serious problems when a boy begins throwing accusations with her name in them around the school and super duper angsty things follow.

a/n~ im back! hi! at first i must admit i felt really rusty at first when writing this, but i cranked this whole thing out in one sitting because i was having so much fun. i actually love how this came out, and ive had it in mind for some time now. its a bit cliche, but cliches arent always bad. hope you guys like it! :)

54 days of school left until graduation. Then that’s it. You’re finally out of highschool. You rapidly tapped your pencil against your desk while staring at the old wall clock, daydreaming about summer and the beach and finally getting to spend time with Jason again. He graduated last year, leaving you behind to fend for yourself in a school of vile beings. Lucky asshole,  you thought to yourself. You kept your relationship under wraps because of the infamous reputation the big bad Jason Todd had at your school. You both knew people would be scared of you if they knew he was your boyfriend, so you decided to keep it a bit of a secret. It made things more exciting, anyways. As the clock continued to march towards the time the bell, your pencil tapping became faster and faster. That is, until the boy in front of you grabbed the pencil from your hand. 

“Hard to focus when someone is beating up an innocent pencil behind me,” Jacob sarcastically whispered, careful not to catch the attention of the grumpy math teacher. 

“Sorry,” you apologized, “I totally tuned out…but let’s be real. You totally weren’t focusing on the lesson to begin with,” you teased. 

“Well let’s just say it wasn’t the pencil distracting me in the first place,” he said in a low voice, “you’ve been breathing down my neck for the past 20 minutes.”

You blushed, “I-sorry, I-,” you stammered, “I-”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jacob interrupted, “sorta turned me on,” he snickered at your facial expression and gently put the pencil back into your hand, then turned back around in his seat.

Absolutely baffled by the interaction you just had, you sat there dumbfounded for a full minute. Your intentions were definitely not to flirt with him, you really just breathe from your mouth sometimes. You scratched your head and cringed at the thought of Jacob possibly liking you. He wasn’t bad looking at all; maybe he was even sort of cute. But you certainly did not need a boytoy, because your boyfriend probably wouldn’t approve. Only 3 more days until he returns from that damn mission. You shook your head to yourself and sunk into your seat. Should I tap his shoulder and tell him straight up that I’m not interested? you thought to yourself. Deciding it was best to do it in order to avoid any more awkward encounters, you went to gently tap his shoulder and assure him you had a boyfriend. But before you could, the bell rang and everyone stood up and funneled out of the classroom. 

Jacob stood up from his seat and picked up the books on your desk, “I’ll carry your books to your car, m’lady.”

You awkwardly smiled at his pure intentions, “Um-thanks.”

He followed you out to the school parking lot, and the two of you searched for a black BMW. Alfred decided to take it upon himself to drive you to and from school way back in freshman year, but he had never been late before. You worried for a brief moment before checking your phone to see a text message from the man himself.

I’m very sorry, Miss. Y/N, but I will not be able to pick you up from school today. Master Bruce has requested that I help with the surveillance of the most recent mission. You can call for a taxi, and once you get home I will repay you the money. 

Alfred always types out the longest of text messages, and you laughed whenever he sent a paragraph to you about where the car is parked or asking what you would like from the grocery store. 

“So….no ride coming?” Jacob awkwardly bounced up and down on his heels.

“No, I guess not,” you smiled. Before you could tell him that you would call a taxi, he spoke quickly.

“Great! I’ll give you a ride home, then.” 

“You really don’t need to,” you tried to decline his offer, preferring a taxi or Uber rather than an extremely awkward ride home with the teenage boy.

“Nope. I do. Come on,” he carried your books to a silver car and put them in the backseat. He gently removed the backpack from your shoulder and put it next to the books. Then, he opened the passenger door to allow you to get inside. He was being awful chivalrous, which was kind, but it still made you uncomfortable. You almost felt as if you were leading him on, but then decided to speak your mind after he drove you home. It would definitely avoid a tense car ride.

Jacob pulled up to the Wayne Manor, then put the car in park. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, clearly hesitating to ask you something. 

You didn’t want to wait around to hear what it was. “Listen, Jaco-”

Before you could talk, he smashed his lips against yours and put his hand around the back of your hair. You attempted to pull away, but he pushed your head closer to his. Finally you pushed him off of you, furious at what he had done.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” You yelled at him.

He blinked a few times, confused, “What?”

“What?! You practically attacked me! I don’t even know you! I have a boyfriend!” You threw your arms in the air, bewildered and upset.

“Oh come on, we both know that I’m way better than whoever your boyfriend is,” he snarled,��“I know you want it.”

You scoffed at him then opened the door to get out, but he grabbed your arm, “Wait-” he tried to stop you, but you broke out of his grip. You slammed the door and angrily marched towards the steps of the manor. 

“Your backpack!” he yelled from the window.

“Forget about it! Fuck you!” you didn’t bother to turn around and continued to walk towards the manor.

He turned his car into the driveway and threw your books and book bag out of the window, and into a puddle of water from the rainstorm the day before. You turned to see your stuff soaked in dirty water, and your math papers destroyed. Holding back tears, you turned away and walked into the front doors, slamming them behind you. 

This caused Tim to turn around from the TV and look at you. He had stayed home sick from school, and elected to watch HGTV shows instead. Springing up to his feet and dropping his blanket, he hurriedly walked towards you to ask what had happened. It would be a bad idea to tell anyone in this family, because even though Jacob was a cunt, you didn’t want to see him get beaten to a pulp. So you ignored Tim’s questions and sulked up the stairs with him following closely behind you. “Y/N-” he whispered sadly, as you slammed the door to your bedroom behind you.

The next morning, the sun shined brightly in your eyes, causing you to groan and pull the pillow over your head. You felt the pillow being pulled from your face, and saw Tims face, staring back down at you. “Y/N. Look, I understand if you don’t want to talk about whatever happened, but could you at least tell me who threw your backpack into the mud?” 

You rubbed your eyes and sat up, looking at your adoptive brother. With a gentle pat on his shoulder, you assured him, “Don’t worry about it. Really,” you made your best attempt to change the subject, “Are you feeling better?”

Tim noticed you dodging the question, but felt defeated. “Yeah. I’m definitely going to school today,” he said, eyeing you.

You could hear that his nose was still stuffy and noticed how red his eyes looked, but you knew it would be useless to argue with him. The two of you got dressed and ate breakfast, and Alfred then drove you both to school. He offered you back the taxi money, but you gently shook your head, “No thank you.”

Tim was noticeably walking way too close, and constantly checking your facial expression to ensure that you were alright. You appreciated how much he cared, but were starting to get a little annoyed. As the two of you walked through the halls, you noticed how everyone was turning their heads to look at you. Two of the cheerleaders even stopped their conversation, to look you up and down. At first you thought nothing of it, until a random boy came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. 

You flailed for a moment, being lifted by a boy twice your size, and let out a screech. 

“Me next! Me next!” the guy shouted, “Show Ricky what a bad girl you are! Are you as good at giving head as they say you are?”

Before you could elbow him in the face, Tim knocked the guy down and punched him in the face. You landed on the floor, sobbing as the entire school laughed at you. Once you looked up, past Tim pummeling the the asshole, past the cheerleaders, and past the security guards pushing through the crowds, you met eyes with Jacob, with a wide grin on his face. You knew what he did. And you knew what you needed to do.

It took 3 security guards, 4 of the biggest teachers, and 2 janitors to pull Tim off of the boy who grabbed his sister. Even when they all held him down at once, he was still giving them a run for their money. Eventually you both went to the office, then got sent home immediately. Bruce picked you up this time, and he was not as warm as Alfred would have been on the ride home. You and Tim sat in the backseat, sulking. Every once in awhile, you’d silently reach over and massage Tim’s knuckles, because you knew how sore they had to have been. 

When you all got back to the manor, Tim immediately went down to the batcave to get his hands bandaged by Alfred. Bruce sat in the massive living chair by the fireplace, seemingly distracted by how he’s meant to react to his daughter getting attacked and how quickly Tim lost his temper. The house really was silent.

You snuck up to your room, and dialed your boyfriend. You knew you weren’t meant to call him on missions, because you always distracted him too much. But before the first ring could even finish, he answered the phone call. 

“Hey princess,” his deep voice soothed your emotions.

“…hi,” You fought to hold back tears. You missed him so much.

“What’s wrong?!” His tone changed within seconds and you could almost hear his heart rate going up.

“Nothing….I just,” you started to cry, “I really really miss you, Jay.”

He stayed quiet for a moment, “Only two days,” he reassured you, “then I’ll be back. And you know what? We can watch your favourite movie and eat your favourite snacks- I’ll bring you back some candy from this place.”

“What place?”

“You know I’m not allowed to tell you until I’m home,” he sighed, “but maybe I’ll take you out to eat at that Italian restaurant you love so much…Alfonso’s?”

You smiled through your tears and played with the hem of your shorts, “I’d really like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jason’s end of the call was quiet again, but he finally spoke, “Something else is wrong, baby.”

You stayed silent.

“What happened? You know you can tell me anything.” You heard his voice tense up, “Did someone hurt you?”

“Not exactly.”

“What do you mean by that?” He suddenly got worried.

“Jason I promise I would never ever cheat on you. You know that. This guy at school told everyone I had sex with him. Tim and I were walking in the hall-and-and- this guy- he just grabbed me…I-he,” your voice trailed off as you began to cry again.

Jason stayed quiet, but you could hear his heavy breathing.

“Please say something. Oh, Jay…please talk to me,” you begged through your tears.

“I’m coming home right now.” Then he ended the phone call. You threw your phone across the room and began to sob. He sounded so angry, but you couldn’t tell if it was towards you or the boy. Bruce barged into your room, his eyes wide in panic. You looked up at him, but then quickly away, ashamed.

He swiftly sat next to you on your bed and wrapped his arms around you as you cried gently into his shirt.

You heard a loud banging, waking you up. You sat up to look at your alarm clock; 2:46 a.m. The rain was pounding against the glass window, so you just assumed the storm was causing the loud noises. Again, you heard a loud bang, but then a booming voice coming from downstairs. You hastily grabbed an old baseball bat that Dick once gave you for moments exactly like this one, and you ran to see what was happening.

Instead of being met by a criminal, Jason was standing in the middle of the entrance room, drenched in rain. Water was dripping from his hair onto the marble floor. Alfred stood next to him in a robe, trying to calm him down. Bruce and Jason were arguing, loud enough to wake people up on the other side of Gotham. When you stepped down the stairs, they all stopped to look at you. Jason dropped his duffle bag on the floor and opened his arms to you. Swiftly, you ran down the stairs and leaped into them, wrapping your arms around his neck and breathing in his cologne. He lifted you from the floor and squeezed you, unaware of his own strength. You didn’t dare complain; though. You longed for this hug for two months, now. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Jason put you down and held your face, staring deeply into your eyes. “Princess, I need you to tell me exactly who this boy is, okay? Do you know where he is?” He spoke so gently, so sweetly, about something so terrible that he was about to do.

Bruce intervened by putting his arm between the two of you, “No, Jason,” he scolded.

Jason’s soft demeanor vanished and he became hostile, “Look what he fucking did to her! The fact that you have done nothing but sat on your ass since this happened doesn’t fucking surprise me,” he spat.

Bruce remained calm but you could see that the words bothered him, “You can’t go around killing teenagers, Jason.”

Jason narrowed his eyes, “Joker did.”

Bruce’s eyes grew, then he shut them tightly, shaking his head. “Alright. As long as you don’t kill him,” Bruce demanded.

Jason hesitated, before nodding. Then he looked back at you, and his face was filled with a terribly sad emotion. Not anger. Not frustration. It was guilt. 

He planted a kiss on your forehead, then took your chin into his hand, gently pushing it upwards to look at him, “I’ll be right back.” He then took a chocolate bar out of the pocket of his jacket and put it in your hand. Before you could say anything, he was walking out of the door and into the storm.

masterlist

[crazyrandomfucker]

Marichat May Day 28: Lights out

Summary:

The Dupain-Cheng and the black cats of Paris are haing a movie session during their sleepover when a blackout happens. Thanks to their night vision, the cats see perfectly fine while the designer aspirants don't see anything. Will the cats use this opportunity for something?

-----------------------------

After years and years of friendship, sleepovers at the Dupain-Cheng's were something that both Chat Noir and Kitty Noire had grown accustomedd to. Of course, Marinette and Marin also loved to have them over their house to play some videogames and see some movies. Marin and Kitty Noire might also have a second interest on the presence of the cats in the Dupain-Cheng household due to their love interest, but that's something that the other didn't know. Chat and Marinette mostly love it because of the easy-going relation they had, filled with jokes, banter and lots of support to one another, deifinitely no romantic feelings involved, nope, they each loved someone else and loving eachother was not an option, or so they thought.

One time that one of these sleepovers happened, the lights suddenly went off while they were in the middle of watching The Moving Castle. At first alll of them were obviously startled. Since Chat Noir and Kitty Noire had night-vision, they adapted to the situation quite quickly. On the other hand, Marin and Marinette who certainly didn't have any sort of night-vision, were clumsily looking out for their phones to lit a light. As the gentle cat he was, when seeing their distress Chat Noir picked up both Marinette's and Marin's phone and gave them to their respective owner, carefully making sure not to startle the twins by accident. However, when they tried to turn on their phones, the screens didn't lit nor did the phones show any sign of activation.

"What is going on?" asks Marinette confused.

"If I had to guess, some sort of electromagnetic pulse must have rendered everything useless" says Chat Noir.

"There are no screams or big obvious signs, so this can't be the work of an akuma" points Kitty Noire. "If I had to betmy money, I'd say that there must have been an accident or error in a powerhouse that lead to this".

"So, we're in the dark for who knows how long?" asks Marin.

"Basically" agreeds Chat. "Thought, Kitty and I can still see perfectly well".

"Kids! There has been a malfunction in an electrical generator and everything electric won't work until monday" shouts Sabine from the floor below.

"There you have it" says Kitty proudly.

"I guess we'll need some candles then" says Marinette shrugging. "Chat, come with me so I don't fall, I'll need that".

"Your wishes are my commands Princess" says Chat Noir bowing.

"He just bowed, did he? I can't even see him but I know he bowed right now" says Marinette.

"Yes. He did" confirms Kitty. Marinette and Chat leave bantering back and forth.

"Guess we're both alone in the dark then" comments Marin shrugging.

"Indeed. But why did you just say it outloud? Were you thinking of taking advantage from me" says Kitty playfully as she pulls her nail up Marins neck teasingly, barely touching his skin.

"I- I would never!" says Marin blushing. "I was just thinking and voiced out my thought!"

"Aw, and here I thought that you might enjoy it if I kissed you when least expected" teases Kitty.

"Kitty, that is a very dangerous game" warns her Marin with his blush deepenning.

"Is that so? Why are you blushing so much then?" asks Kitty.

"I- I- I have my reasons!" exclaims Marin. "Besides, arent you being a bit pushy? Won't it turn out that you're the one dying to kiss me and not viceversa?"

Kitty blushes a lot and thanks god that Marin can't se her shaking right now. "I don't know what you're talking about" says Kitty with her voice some decibels higher than usual.

"You don't? If I were the guy you like, wouldn't you use a situation were the lights are out to kiss him without him seeing it come?" asks Marin. But insttead of a reply, Kitty kissed him and both of them shutted up.

Meanwhile, Marinette was clumsily advancing towards the living room to fetch some candles and something to light them with the help of Chat Noir, who mainly was there to pick her up every three seconds to prevent her from falling to the floor. Of course Chat Noir didn't particulary mind this, he found quite endearing to see Marinette's adorable face when she was either struggling or blushing from being picked up once again. Instead, he was kind of enjoying it to the point that he began to sneak up on her to surprise her just to see her reactions. Needless to say, he got hit quite a number of times for pulling such pranks, but the absolutely adorable face Marinette put when annoyed was definitely something that made everything he did worthy.

[itsjustaphase-mom]

Luther Hargreeves

ok listen. i know he is certainly not a fan favourite and i absolutely hated him the first few times i watched ua. but this time, i rewatched it specifically to try to sympathize with luther and guys there are so many things at play here

he doesn’t realize the extent to which his siblings were abused. he brushes klaus off and doesn’t think twice about locking up vanya again because he just assumes they had the same experience. he’s not being an asshole (on purpose), he just never stopped to think about the fact that being Hargreeves’ favourite made life a lot easier for him.

similar to the first note, he never stopped to consider the implications of having powers that hurt to use. he has super strength, something that, compared to some of the other powers in the family, is nothing. he just doesnt realize what seeing corpses is like, which is why he doesnt get klaus’ addiction (and to be fair, neither do the rest of his siblings). Same with Vanya. He doesn’t think about what it’s like to learn you have powers after being told you’re horribly boring and average your whole life, nor what it’s like to find out your memory was erased. he had it a lot easier than his siblings, but he doesnt think about that. that leads to some poor decisions and awful seeming actions, but keep in mind that we know a lot more than he does about his siblings. we’ve seen their pain but he hasnt. no one in this damn family communicates, so he just doesnt get it. i wish hed stop to think about how other people feel every once in a while, but itd also help if they just straight up said “hey being high keeps the gory corpses out of my field of view, im not a fan of this either” to help him understand. he wasnt taught empathy, but he tries for the most part. honestly, the fact that he turned out that nice considering what he grew up with? kind of incredible

hes not just obsessed with the moon. and to be fair, he has a right to it? i mean i havent stopped talking about this show for 2 months and ive had other things happening in my life. he was alone up there for 4 years. that doesnt give you much conversation material. and also, bringing up the idea that the apocalypse could be caused by the moon makes sense because, yeah, he was sent up there by their dad who knew about the apocalypse (whether luther was aware of that or not). He was up there to look for threats, so its not that odd to consider that the threat he was watching for could have caused the apocalypse...oh speaking of which HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE MOON IT DID CAUSE THE APOCALYPSE

i think a lot of people like to ignore the fact that he was also abused. sure, it wasnt to the extent of klaus or vanya but he had a horrible childhood nonetheless which messed him up too. he wasnt taught a lot of the things we take for granted so like i said earlier, the fact that he’s not completely deranged is astonishing

also can we mention the horrible trauma he went through? like lmao monkey man but oh my gosh can you imagine? he almost died (in a horribly painful way) and woke up months later with a fucking gorilla body. he’ll never look like a normal person again. he probably will never be able to look in the mirror and like what he sees (you can find out first hand what its like to be me so GATHER ROU-) yes everything Klaus went through was horrible but Luther has lived through some fucked up shit too and i think we like to ignore that because he’s not very likeable

the scene with vanya. it hurts me every time i think about it. HOWEVER. i understand why he did it. do i think he made the right choice? fuck no. but i get why he did what he did. Vanya was extremely dangerous. She caused the apocalypse. she literally killed everyone on earth. these arent things we should brush over. (and yes i love vanya but that’s not what we’re talking about here) she very nearly killed Allison, and he doesn’t know her well enough to know if she’s here to genuinely apologize or finish the job. He just knows he has a responsibility not only to his family, but to the entire world. so he makes a tough decision. it hurts him too, look at his face. he doesnt want to do it but he doesnt think he has any other options.

about dismissing klaus: he has good reason (at least in his head). klaus is intoxicated constantly, and like i mentioned before, he doesnt realize its because of his powers. he just thinks klaus is trying to have a good time, and to be fair, klaus tries to hide his vulnerability (for the most part) so luther wouldnt know any better. in the end when he tells him to be a lookout? justified. the man is heavily suffering from withdrawal (or intoxicated, to luther’s knowledge? i cant remember if luther knows or not or whether he believes him for that matter) which is gonna impact his reaction time, and he doesnt have powers that can help anyway (as far as luther knows). yes, he was trained alongside them and allison is allowed to help despite also lacking usable powers; however, she is in a clearer state of mind and a lot healthier. She can physically fight. Klaus just kinda...jumps on people’s backs for the most part. Did you see her fight Cha Cha? *swoons* no but seriously, Allison is still highly skilled and in far better shape than Klaus. He’s a liability and staying outside is safer for everyone (again, as far as luther knows) all this being said, the way he treats klaus when hes drunk is Disgusting, Abhorrent, and Unacceptable. i understand that he doesnt realise his own power but thats inexcusable

luther x allison is gross, i agree HOWEVER they were not raised as adopted siblings, they were raised more closely akin to a boarding school. their dynamic had always been romantic; they never saw themselves as siblings. yes, i do find it very odd that literally everyone else considers each other siblings, but im just saying that their dynamic has always been different and technically it’s not really incestuous (im not condoning it, i hate it personally i just can see why its not the worst thing ever? its still pretty yikes though. also shipping literally any other characters IS fucking gross because the rest of them see each other as siblings and always have so gtfo with klaus x diego or klaus x ben g r o s s)

those are the main complaints ive seen (and voiced myself)... basically it all boils down to the facts that 1. he was abused, just like his siblings 2. he doesnt stop to think about how other people are thinking or feeling 3. hes just trying to do what is best for his family (and the world). I sympathize with monkey man. He deserved better. I really hope in the next season he’ll pause to consider things every once in a while (and that klaus will open up because he’s not useless but he’s not explaining to anyone why he does the things he does and he needs to!!) so yeah was this basically just me yelling at me from a week ago? yes. does anyone care? probably not but i felt it had to be done. anyway im done ranting for now....if i missed anything lemme know

[dazaaaai]

Can you tell me about your bsd ocs and how you met them? I really enjoy ics and self-inserts and this blog is one of my personal favorites.

Oh!!! Yes yes, of course, I would absolutely love to! You’re very sweet ;w; it’s always so hard for me to imagine that tho like wh?! You actually like other peoples’ characters, even ones based on themselves??? I thought everyone hated that- so that’s why it’s a blessing to have you around, heehee! I’m glad to be one of your favorites

So I take it you know me! I will introduce you to my friends (and enemies…)

Daniel Fenton is not an OC, he’s just straight-up based on Danny Phantom because I like cartoons and that’s my second biggest fandom. It just felt weird not having him here, and he really fits in! Here he’s come to Japan with his family for work reasons, and his ghost powers are an ability instead - Going Ghost. They’re more limited here - none of that green energy blast stuff, just floating and being spooky. He saved Dazai from drowning in a river a lot like Atsushi! So Dazai set up a staged entrance exam (where he saved yours truly!) and he joined because the boy super needed money.If you’d like to read the story about that, I can share it later on! Anyways, he’s kind of always running out on his own little adventures, coming back with all the bumps and bruises he doesn’t want to talk about… Cool thing is Yosano can heal him any time with a snap of her fingers because he’s already half dead as it is! He’s a little protective of me, even from Dazai, but ah! We have real-world emotional history, so his connection to me there is strong. 

Theodore Sadau is an OC I’ve had for a long time but he’s very different here. He’s ordinarily the greatest hero but here he’s the worst villain… A Guild member who’s deluded into thinking he’s a prince and deserves to be treated as such, though he steps over everyone else. I met him in a battle and he hurt me so badly… Dazai came to save me but it was Daniel who beat him into the ground after that. His ability is Prince of Shadows, and it works exactly the same way as Danny’s, to our horror. The singularity of the ability was something that Dazai had not heard of in a long time until that battle…

Celil Memmedquluzade has a long and strange name but he’s based on an author from my country of Azerbaijan, and I’ve read all his works. The Disappearance of the Donkey, despite its title is the most depressing thing I’ve ever read and is what his ability is based on. In perfect contrast to mine (which can bring anyone to me), his ability can send anyone and anything away to any place he’s been with just one touch… But he’ll never know where. It could be back to his home country or just across the street. He joined Fyodor out of desperation even though he hates him, and is always trying to pull me away from the Agency,  find a way to leave, insistent that we don’t belong here… But I belong more in Yokohama than he ever will with the Russians. I can’t ever go back there even if there’s nothing more in the world that he wants than to return.

I have many more OCs based on authors (check them out over here or here!) that I just haven’t met in the plot, so I’m not putting them here! But the rest of the OCs I’m gonna list are all my friends, real friends who made characters for the BSD universe alongside me and have allowed me to include them in my storyline! You can see more of them here! There are many of them as well but I will focus on the ones that show up or that I mention the most!

My best friend is my actual best friend, @bishamn! Ioanna is in-universe a Greek ability user. We met when she came to Yokohama for leisure but the Mafia tried to steal her away! The Agency saved her and she ended up staying mostly because Dazai decided I needed a friend. Her ability is The Third Chance, which can turn anyone invisible and intangible (rendering them useless in a fight) for a certain amount of time, but it only works the third time she tries to use it. 

@theartisticintrovert is the Junichirou to my Naomi in a MUCH less weird and possessive way, but seriously! My surrogate big brother is Tyler, a Korean-American come to Japan, his ability Grudge sends everyone into deep and sudden anxiety which gets worse the longer he stays quiet. We met in Yokohama International School, shared a creative writing class. Then one day his ability went off super badly, and, well! Junichirou and I were sent to investigate. We ended up roping him in and he adopted Q at some point. It’s great, send him an ask about it!

Miss Momo-chan, an American come to Japan for work and having found it at the Agency, she’s the person to go to who knows everything about where anything is and how to help you with your emotional problems - and is remarkably good at putting up with Kunikida’s, er, strictness! I wonder why… @moreroads​ worked at the Agency before I was there and helped me a lot through all of my troubles!

@musical-selfshipper​ is someone you’ll never forget, and neither will I. An emotion manipulator, ability by the name of Ganymede. Chinese-Taiwanese-American, she’s Poe’s girl and it’s a wonder, he’s so shy and she’s so not, but you gotta love their love! We met when she joined the Agency straight forward, sometime after the mess with the Guild, but details about her exam are a little sketchy for now. 

Shelby is an American non-ability user clerk for the Agency who’s kind of a cryptid and a huge conspiracy theorist. Resident Ranpo lover @shelf-insert is another victim I’ve roped into joining the Agency! Nobody’s really sure if she was always in the Agency or not, but she’s for certain one of my greatest friends, and always has the greatest advice!

Millie is another clerk for the Agency! Beautiful dark skinned American friend not sweet on @minty-selfships, oh no…! :3 We met because she joined a short while after I did, but didn’t talk much until I decided that she and Atsushi were even more of a hopeless oblivious mess than me and Dazai ever were…! So the matchmaking and a great friendship began.

Let’s not forget @selfshipstation, the source of Sylvia Plath (that’s not her real name, she just forgot it and chose that one instead). Ability by the name of Amnesia, she ends up with the Guild after wiping her own memory and goes on quite a few dates with Mark!

There are MANY, MANY more (Nicole, Nezumi, Annie, Andrea, Rhiannon, Rue, Dante, Brianna, Simon, Cherri) and they are all amazing friends and great people who are definitely part of my story as a whole but for one reason or another I won’t elaborate on them!! Some whose self-insert I don’t know, some who aren’t as into BSD despite having a character, and some who I just haven’t talked to recently enough… If you’d like more info and my full ability user list tho, here’s my !! pride and joy, a document of all of them!!!

[patriotsnet]

Why Do Republicans Stand With Trump

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-do-republicans-stand-with-trump/

Why Do Republicans Stand With Trump

Beneath The Hood Of Trump’s Support Base

Why Are Republicans Still So Afraid Of Trump? | The 11th Hour | MSNBC

Trump’s victory in 2016 came on the back of a surge in voter turnout among white Americans without a college degree, a group he won by better than a 2-1 margin over Democrat Hillary Clinton. Trump won 6.5 million more voters over the age of 45, despite losing the national popular vote by almost three million.

But that “demographic blowback” which saw some older Americans cast a vote for the first time since Ronald Reagan was on the ballot, was never a long-term strategy they are literally dying off.

But they aren’t dead yet, and neither is Trump’s support base.

AP: Julio Cortez

A CNBC poll last week found 89 per cent of voters without a college degree and 74 per cent of Republicans want Trump to stay active in politics in some way. Almost half of Republicans want Trump to remain head of their party, while 11 per cent want him to break away and start his own party. It’s that final figure that probably worries Republicans more than any other.

Trump has already flirted with the idea of starting his own “Patriot Party” to rival both Republicans and Democrats, and provide a vehicle for a potential third presidential campaign in 2024.

The only time a former president tried to return to office under the banner of a new party, Theodore Roosevelt in 1912, he consigned his former Republican Party to a distant third place.

Republican Voters Arent Clamoring For Changes

It might seem odd that were only now turning our attention to Republican voters, who may seem like the most important factor in keeping the party from shifting gears. Im not so sure. We have a lot of evidence that voters tend to follow the cues of political elites . In other words, I suspect that if GOP elites, from national elected leaders to Fox News to local activists, had collectively broken with Trump and Trumpism after the Capitol riot, the percentage of rank-and-file Republican voters ready for the party to go in a new direction would have grown.;

Party elites arent completely unresponsive to popular will, of course. If, for some reason, a majority of Republican voters were positively clamoring for a new direction, perhaps elites would respond. But thats not happening. Instead, polls suggest rank-and-file Republican voters seem fairly averse to major changes to the GOP, particularly a real repudiation of Trump.

Opinionrep Justin Amash’s Brave Decision To Leave The Gop Just The Tip Of The Iceberg

So who will stand up now and help take the Republican Party in a new direction? Election season cannot go into perpetuity, at some point we must govern. Someone must lead.

I am not naive, nor do I believe that the majority of our political leaders have the intelligence or moral compass to act with the courage of Abraham Lincoln. Expecting an overnight solution to a longterm problem is a recipe for failure. And I realize that the same people who mocked me for believing that Republicans and Democrats could work together before, will likely mock me once again for believing that all hope is not lost.

I realize that the same people who mocked me for believing that Republicans and Democrats could work together before, will likely mock me once again for believing that all hope is not lost.

But what other choice do we have? Our democracy requires compromise and courage to meet the challenges that we face. We cannot afford to continue down the broken roads that have led us to gridlock. We need each other.

Like it or not, Democrats need a strong Republican Party to act a a counterweight in our deliberative process. The Framers fully intended for progress to be incremental, not overnight or all at once. A democracy absent diversity is not a democracy. This symbiotic relationship may not be pretty and certainly may not always be successful, but it is necessary to the framework that makes us a shining star on a hill.

Recommended Reading: How Many Registered Democrats And Republicans Are There

Trump Is Still A Force In The Party

After the 2012 elections, prominent Republicans sharply criticized Mitt Romney and his campaign. Democrats did the same to Hillary Clinton after 2016 and sometimes included former President Barack Obama in their criticisms, too. For a political party to change direction, it nearly always has to distance itself from past leaders.;

Or put another way: For there to be an autopsy, there has to be a dead body.

They’ll Stand By Their Man Even When Doing So Is Bad For Democracy

Former President Trump will once again make the kind of history you do not want your name associated with on Tuesday when his second impeachment trial commences in the U.S. Senate. As with Trump’s first trial , the outcome is not in doubt. But just because we know how it will end doesn’t mean the trial won’t be gripping. Members of Congress narrating their terrifying Insurrection Day ordeals will be a riveting spectacle. And just as we did in the House last month, Americans will get a quick and dirty head count of how many Republicans value democracy itself more than their own political fates.

Don’t get your hopes up on that score. While the political and evidentiary cases for GOP senators to convict Trump and bar him from ever holding federal office again are straightforward, the path to 67 votes is not. Instead, viewers should brace themselves for torturous arguments about how it is unconstitutional to impeach a former president, and some extremely “It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is” galaxy logic about how Trump did not incite the crowd to insurrection because he did not literally say the words “please go and lay violent siege to our national legislature.” Gathering more than one Republican in a room these days is a plain invitation to this kind of sophistry.

That they still refuse to do so says more about them than it does about Trump.

Read Also: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

Why The Gop Congress Will Stop Trump From Going Too Far

The coming resistance from Republican lawmakers who hate Trump, fear executive overreachor both.

This is a sneak preview;of the upcoming January/February 2017 issue of the Washington Monthly.

Could it happen here? Could a democratically elected leader come to rule us as an autocrat? Citizens of a free society can never lose sight of this question, andhowever complacent many of us have becomethe election of Donald Trump has shoved it back out to center stage.

A dependence on the people is, no doubt, the primary control on the government, James Madison observed in The Federalist Papers, but experience has taught mankind the necessity of auxiliary precautions. These precautions are the separation of powers and checks and balances, enshrined in the Constitution. Citizens concerned about tyranny from the leaders they have elected must depend on the other branches of government to defend the republic.

In particular, the public must rely on Congress, the branch of government that Madison felt necessarily predominates, given its proximity to the people. Moreover, Article I of the Constitution vests in Congress all legislative Powers herein granted, as well as ample implied powers of oversight, and the power of impeachment should that become necessary. If a strongman government ever takes root in America, it will not be simply because we elected a president determined to establish it, but because Congress acquiesced in his designs.

Support Nonprofit Journalism

Opinion: If Republicans Dont Stand By Trump They Risk Losing Their Base Forever

The Republican Party risks exile for longer than it has endured in the modern era if, in the absence of incontrovertible evidence of actual high crimes and misdemeanors, it deserts President Trump during the campaign to remove him from office. Democrats are pursuing impeachment because they obviously fear that they cannot defeat him at the ballot box in 2020.

The advantage of talking with radio listeners and not merely lecturing readers or tweeting at followers or opponents is that you hear from people who arent among the Manhattan-D.C. media elites who overwhelmingly hate Trump. Cautioning that crowd against confirmation bias is as useless as it was to warn the Obama administration that the nascent Islamic State was not the terrorist . Awkward truths dont do well on the left. But here are some awkward truths:

First, no quid pro quo, much less an illegitimate one, has been proved about Trumps dealings with Ukraine.

Second, quid pro quos have always been a feature of U.S. foreign policy from the long-ago Louisiana Purchase to more recently President Barack Obamas sending the Iranian regime $1.7 billion in cash, which was central to the controversial U.S.-Iran nuclear deal. Quid pro quos are sometimes excellent and obvious, sometimes controversial, sometimes illegal.

That wont fly with half of the country. And that half is watching very closely.

Read more:

Don’t Miss: What Is Difference Between Democrats And Republicans

Why Donald Trump Is Republicans’ Worst Nightmare In 2024

Analysis by Chris Cillizza, CNN Editor-at-large

Earlier this week, amid a rambling attack on the validity of the 2020 election, former President Donald Trump said this: “Interesting that today a poll came out indicating I’m far in the lead for the Republican Presidential Primary and the General Election in 2024.”

“Trump is confiding in allies that he intends to run again in 2024 with one contingency: that he still has a good bill of health, according to two sources close to the former president. That means Trump is going to hang over the Republican Party despite its attempts to rebrand during his exile and its blockade of a Trump-centric investigation into January’s insurrection.”“Manhattan prosecutors pursuing a criminal case against former President Donald Trump, his company and its executives have told at least one witness to prepare for grand jury testimony, according to a person familiar with the matter — a signal that the lengthy investigation is moving into an advanced stage.”

House Republicans Meet With Trump To Discuss Overturning Election Results

Gravitas: US Election: Why Trump cancelled the Republican convention

Trump loyalists are planning a last stand Jan. 6.

Rep. Jody Hice tweeted after the meeting: “The courts refuse to hear the President’s legal case. We’re going to make sure the People can!

12/21/2020 10:10 PM EST

Link Copied

President Donald Trump huddled with a group of congressional Republicans at the White House on Monday, where they strategized over a last-ditch effort to overturn the election results next month, according to several members who attended the meeting.

Rep. Mo Brooks who is spearheading the long-shot push to overturn the election results in Congress organized the trio of White House meetings, which lasted over three hours and included roughly a dozen lawmakers. The group also met with Vice President Mike Pence, who will be presiding over the joint session of Congress when lawmakers officially certify the Electoral College votes on Jan. 6, as well as members of Trumps legal team.

It was a back-and-forth concerning the planning and strategy for January the 6th, Brooks said in a phone interview.

In addition to the dozens of House Republicans who are committed to objecting to the election results, Brooks said there are multiple Senate Republicans who are now receptive to the effort, though he declined to name names. Sen.-elect Tommy Tuberville , whom Trump has repeatedly praised on Twitter recently, has said he is considering the idea.

Sen. John Thune , however, told reporters Monday that the House GOPs effort is going down like a shot dog.

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I have often been called too optimistic and criticized for my faith in my fellow American. Yet I wear those labels with pride, because at the end of the day we have to believe. We have to believe that we are part of something worth fighting for and saving.

Most importantly though, we have to believe in the goodness of each other and our ability to correct course even when it seems impossible. That has been our saving grace throughout history, our ability to turn this social experiment around and live up to our motto out of many, one.

Michael Starr Hopkins is the founding partner of Northern Starr Strategies and served on the presidential campaigns of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Republicans’ Choice: Stand With Trump Or Risk His Wrath

Trump has already informed at least two GOP lawmakers of his dissatisfaction with their defense of his racist tweets.

Sen. John Cornyn prides himself on winning a large share of the Latino vote in Texas, campaigning in the Asian American community and running ads in three languages. Its a crucial strategy for a Republican in a diverse state and one that is sharply divergent from President Donald Trumps approach.

So as Cornyn seeks reelection next year with Trump on the ballot, hes making sure that he isnt dragged down by the presidents more inflammatory politics, exemplified again this week by his racist tweets telling four liberal Democratic congresswomen to go back to where they came from.

I dont have any trouble speaking to any of my constituents. They dont confuse me with whats happening up here in D.C., said Cornyn, who has gently criticized Trumps battle as a mistake that unified Democrats. I know we are consumed by this here, but it doesnt consume my constituents when I go back home.

Its a common refrain for Republicans trying to deflect a Trump-fueled firestorm and highlights the dilemma that the party will face for months to come.

GOP lawmakers, especially those facing potentially tough reelection bids, need to create independent identities to win over Trump skeptics. But if they break too fiercely with the president, he and his grassroots supporters might turn on them, with disastrous political consequences.

Also Check: What National Policies Did Republicans Pursue During The Civil War

Why So Many Republicans Cling To Trump

Ben Shapiro got part of it right. A toxic mix of status anxiety, persecution fears, and echoes of the Civil War helps explain why they follow Trump into the abyss.

On September 17, 1862, over 10,000 Confederate soldiers were killed, wounded, or went missing in a single day at the Battle of Antietam. Very few of them came from slave-owning families, so why did they agree to give their lives in defense of human bondage?

I was reminded of this question when I noticed that Politico Playbook had recruited conservative celebrity and author Ben Shapiro;to explain why the vast majority of House Republicans voted not to impeach President Trump on Wednesday for sending a murderous mob after them on January 6. Politico was slammed by liberals for opening its best-known section to a conservative whos been charged with being bigoted and intolerant. But Shapiros explanation of the rallying around Trump during his final days wasnt totally off base. He was on to something about how Republicans see the world.

With Trump leaving office within a week, defending his incitement of an insurrection doesnt seem to be in the long-term self-interest of Republican officeholders.;But the Civil War example helps explain why people sometimes do very self-destructive things out of spite or insecurity.

White supremacy was such a consensus view at the time that Lincoln felt compelled to defend it.

Like the rebels at Antietam, no one wants to die for nothing.

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Where Texas Republicans Stand On Donald Trump

The surfacing of a 2005 clip showing Donald Trump speaking lewdly about women has caused many Republicans to drop their support for their party’s presidential nominee. Here’s how the controversy is unfolding in Texas.

Editor’s note: This story has been updated with additional comments. It was last updated Oct. 13.

The surfacing of a 2005 clip showing Donald Trump speaking lewdly about women has caused many Republicans across the country to drop their support for their party’s presidential nominee. Here’s how the controversy is unfolding among Texas Republicans in Congress and in statewide office:

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Critical Of Trump And Still Not Supporting Him

Texas House Speaker Joe Straus

Has he previously supported Trump?;No. Straus has never offered support for Trump, often saying he is instead focused on down-ballot races as the chairman of the Republican Legislative Campaign Committee.;

Where does he stand now?;Straus said in a statement Oct. 10: “I’ve had serious concerns about the nominee throughout this entire process. My focus remains on supporting Republican legislative candidates in Texas and across the country.”;

What We All Forget About The Political Career Of Bush 41

Clinton-Gore could compete

Bush’s term in office featured a short and highly successful war in the Persian Gulf and a budget deal with Democrats that would eventually reduce the federal deficit and slow the growth of the national debt. But a brief recession cost him in the polls, and a rebellion broke out on the party’s right.

Bush got a primary challenge from Pat Buchanan, a media personality who served as an adviser to Reagan and Nixon. Buchanan assailed the budget deal because it raised taxes. He conjured the spirits of Reagan and Goldwater and questioned Bush’s conservative bona fides. So did Ross Perot, an eccentric billionaire Texan who was running as a self-financing independent.

On top of that, Bush was confronted with the Democrats’ choice of an all-Southern ticket in Clinton of Arkansas and Al Gore of Tennessee. The young Democrats who could talk Southern carried their home states plus Louisiana and Georgia and all the Civil War “border states” . The region was back in play.

Clinton and Gore threw a chill into Republicans. What if Clinton served two terms and gave way to a still-vital, still-Southern Gore who could serve two more? That would be a roadblock in the White House equivalent to Roosevelt’s four wins.

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[wang-yeon]

Silver Lining| Min Yoongi

Life has its hardships especially being fresh out of college luckily you have a gummy smiled friend to help you with your struggles. You managed getting a shabby apartment with a shared bedroom and when worst comes ends up having to share a cold shower as the warm water is shut off. Things arent going so pleasant as the electricity follows off too but the most treacherous of all, you being able to face what your feelings might actually hold. But your just friends right?

Warning: Smut, cursing, stuff, Best friend Yoongi!, So much friendly bickering like damn just fuck already

Genre: Smut and fluff

Word count: 13.2K Got a little carried away..

A/N: A wild update appears. Okay this damn comeback needs to back the fuck up. Yoongi looks like a meal and bighit is now becoming a jin stan everything it beautiful. School sucks thats the main reason my updates are late as hell. also i found this promt on pintrest but switched some shit. ALSO i am supposed to be doing homework but needed to update please pray for my grades. ALso my teacher was talking about college and im not even a senior so you need to calm the fuck down with that damn word. Okay im done

Oh and you know i had to get a blue hair yoongi on the screen.

Having a longing companion was a necessity to a longing life. Having someone to share the necessitates you were used to sharing alone. The feeling of having another comforting body against your side defeating the odds always seemed appealing. It was often rare for something to come along like so. You would rather find a needle in a hay stack then finding something as extraordinary as other couples demonstrate so. It was never an easy task to accomplish as everyone seeks for so, making your chances limited.

I soon accepted this fate and decided on second best, another companion that seemingly resembled the same. A best friend was well suited for my need, as they held the same traits but still remained rather different. A significant other held the qualities of love and romance as a best friend held the traits of honesty loyalty and bundles of fun. No argumentative sides or going a long period without talking as being away from the seemed like the end of your whole soul. I needed someone to rely on and cherish without that sexual desire yet it seemed almost impossible to find. I was hovering over ever possibility i could get, still lost in the endless hay stack.

Problems and situations seem to work out for you as soon as you stop seeking for the alternative, this played in my favor. I had reached the start of my first college class. The stress had already been pending the feeling of venting to someone was much needed. I took a quick seat near the door hoping to plan my escape as soon as it all ended. I was one of the very last people to enter the room before a loud closing door drove the dread from my head. The room had already been filled with eager students ready for the ending of the class already. Most students were held in the front taking in the professors important words while I sat in the back struggling to keep up with ever aspect he covered. Meaning that there was much more available seating held in the back, conveniently directed next to me.

The boy who most definitely appeared to be late to class sat next to me carting a seemingly big coffee cup filled with a strange substance that didn't seem to be coffee. The professor didnt bat an eye to his presence as he continued his lesson for the people who seemed to be paying attention. He went on about useless things that i managed to keep track with ignoring the cramp in my hand before the boy beside me decided to make his input.

"I'm going to fuck die due to this class."

He took a long drag of his drink displayed in his coffee cup letting out a small belch. I chuckled at his statement as i had been experiencing the same but somehow managed to keep a collective exterior. on the inside i was ambushed with all the notes we had to take this being the first day. He managed to let himself catch a breather as i directed my attention to the window trying to drown my sorrows with warm bodies roaming the campus.

There were some people who were sat against the trees alone soaking in the slight breeze that was displayed that day while others roamed making new connections while others already had them. I could already imagine myself out on the campus seen soaking things in trying to befriend everything that had been combined in my path. I saw college as a wonder filled experience, a chance to make new connections and roam new areas. I had been less worried about my school work as i had thought i would have it packed down and ready for the surface.

"It certainly is wonderful to see new faces but i hope it is equally as wonderful that everyone completed there summer essay as it is a key necessity to get a good start in the year."

Everyone went digging for this assignment he assigned us. In my opinion the essay was rather easy, stating the simple joy the art of food gives me. Talking about the history of food and the ingredients needed to make a certain dish pop. I had no trouble with the assignment but i did have a problem locating where it was placed in my backpack.

A set of panic was forming in my chest. I always hated that feeling but it rarely comes around as i normally have things prepared. I was seemingly expecting the same thing to always happen but the feeling of dread only engulfed my being. I began frantically looking for what I was longing for no longer having the need to patiently look as my professor was making his way up the isle rather quickly.

I began rummaging through out every inch of my book bag before i heard the small clearing of a throat signalling for me to met the bored eyes of our professor. I had removed my hands rather slowly away from my bag remaining eye contact as i was afraid at what may lay if if i dropped the sudden eye contact. My eyes slowly detached from his as i took in his strong posture seemingly intimidating as well. His arms laid crossed as if he was bored with the simple thought of me and my first impression I had been making for myself.

"Well, Ms. I presume you don't have your basic necessities for the first day of class. Seeing as you don't even have the first day essentials i suggest you leave my class before you make a fool of yourself."

He had certainly been blunt making me cower back in slight fear. I tried not to show that emotion as much as he seemed to feed into that only proving his point more. I wasn't suited for a class where he would judge off of my simple movement and my trying efforts. I truly did want a future for myself but his cold state was sure to make things feature more intense. I proceeded to grab my bag slowly making myself get up hearing the squeak of the chair run against the marble floor making me cringe.

It had been eagerly silent as i was on my going exit to the door before a longing voice broke the silence. Behind the professors cold eyes held a black haired boy behind him, the same boy I had observed with the coffee cup and iconic words following along with it. He didn't even clear his throat as he stood up and stated bits from his mind not afraid as I was.

"Are you seriously going to do such a thing from impulse. You arent supposed to give up on a student especially on the first day, you are supposed to push the student into excelling. You clearly got your bullshit degree from your ass as you go off things from the top of your mind rather than thinking them out like a logical person. So what she forgot a project that was assigned weeks back the point is that she worked hard on that as you can tell from the anxiety hurdling from her body. Let her show you what she can prove and not just kick her out leaving a longing impression like this. You dick."

Talking about his bullshit degree and him being a dick had certainly been the icing on the cake setting it all in. He was surely brave enough to state his opinion freely something i had admired right off the bat besides his attractive appearance. The professor seemed stunned by his words but tried to keep his cool as he was in charge of this whole operation. He still held a fuming exterior as the male keep his stance not afraid on what the professors input had entailed.

"Well mr. Min thank you for putting in your opinion but it surely isnt needed. Since you want to take the opposing side why dont you and ms. L/N please direct yourselves from my class room. Im sure the both of you wont be successful in life anyway as you are choosing this path."

The person who i presumed was Min smiled sarcastically wanting to seem more powerful then him as he grabbed a hold of my hand and exited the classroom. He held onto my hand firmly marching making sure to hold eye contact with the professor. As we left the room I stood in the hallway not knowing what was coming next till it hit me. He practically lost his position in this class just for my sake. Ultimately i felt like utter shit.

"You know you didnt have to do that, you know stick up for me. You didnt have to just leave that class because of that."

He had already began walking to where ever his destination held before he turned back to take in my speaking thoughts. He walked to where I was rather slowly still sporting a bored expression on his face. i hadnt known if that was permanently engrossed on his face but i took it as it was. He still held an attractive face as he had sharp facial features. I focused in on these details as he began talking.

"I know, its just something i chose to do. He was acting like a dip shit and frankly I didnt even want to join that dumb ass class. History of food isnt a topic im very well interested in, just needed an extra class is all."

He nodded off with his answer not thinking anything of it however as he finished i realized what had been done. he might have not liked the class but that class was sure enough to make a career at what i found a passion in. I had realized that this big impact that I had made had determined my whole future. It had been the first official day of college and i was already setting myself up for failure.

"Oh my fucking shit, this whole situation is fucked. Im going to become a bum at the age of twenty-one."

I had been running my fingers through my hair as Min had been looking at me curiously before he examined his cup that laid in his hand. He still held the same expression on his face as he directed the cup in my preferable vision signaling me to grab a hold of it, which i did hesitantly. I examined the cup before putting it against my lips.

"You definitely need that more than me."

I felt the energy drink disguised in a coffee cup slide down my throat. I had been taken back at the taste expecting it to be another substance but still took it as i needed the offer. As I handed the cup back to him he put his arm around my shoulder bringing us closer as we walked down the hallway together.

"If you keep sticking around me ill promise you energy drinks and friendship."

It seemed like an offer i most definitely couldn't refuse. I had been seeking for such thing for so long and for it to commence so easily and he certainly held up to his promise.

Since then the person who i now address as Min Yoongi had been the one to stick by my side till the end of our college days. We never made any other friends as we felt that having each other was merely enough. After school I would help him with his music and cook him cheap foods i found in the 'great value' section. We had been feeding passion to each other yet even after college we had no idea how to presume this. None of the less we chose to stick together and not question what might happen in the future as we had each other.

There were certain hard ships but in the end we always ended up by each others side even as graduation approached. We stood in the big crowd conjoined together as even after graduation we managed to stay together.

We were young adults not knowing where our path of life would take us. We settled for a cheap apartment that held a window view of brick walls and a single bed with limited space. I remember the first night being the most exciting as it was our first time together on our own home. Yoongi was anything but excited as he eyed the TV with a bored stare awaiting for my dish to be finished.

I had managed to cook up a cheap but exquisite dish as i sat it on the coffee table with a wide smile as Yoongis eyes went wide as well. He looked confused by the dish displayed in front of him deciding if he should eat it willingly or push it to the side. My eyes met his with a slight of worry wondering if the food was questionable itself. I had been fresh out of college with a culinary degree yet not processing any information i learned from my classes. I definitely could use some practice but as of now the exhibit in front of us would have to due.

I sat down on the coach picking up one of the plates as Yoongi still let his lay cold and full on the table. I held my plate in my hand awaiting for him to take a bite but he just stared at me with blank eyes. It surely was making me feel insecure about what i prepared making me slightly pout. I knew this action would make Yoongi feel some what guilty which was fairly rare but he still manged to huff and grab a hold of the plate.

I waited for Yoongi to take the first bite as the savory flavor hit his mouth. I took notice of his face as his lips wrinkled before turning to me with a soft smile nodding his head at the quality.  turned back to my food praising myself for my efforts before my taste buds engulfed the flavor of the stale food. I spit it out rather quickly turning to Yoongi who mirrored my actions.

"Thank god you spit that out, Cooking isnt for all of us."

I took Yoongis words in accepting that fact that my cooking was certainly below average. I definitely praised him for even holding the food in his mouth as for the first bite i nearly vomited from the displeasing taste. I still held a sad exterior as i was met with realization of my efforts. I had expected to much of myself and thought i could do things when i certainly couldn't. The professor was most likley right about me, i couldnt make it anywhere in life due to my efforts.

"Hey dont let it get to you, we can just order pizza."

I nodded slightly still feeling depressed about the whole ordeal. Yoongi slowly put his hand on my back rubbing slowly. Yoongi was always awkward in these situations not knowing how to take in my sadness and how to enhance it to happiness, however him just being there for slight support made things ever more better.

"Im sorry if i was harsh on your cooking you know how weird i am about expressing stuff. Please dont be sad or mad or any of this pointless shit, youre still my lil chef."

I smiled at the nickname Yoongi conjured up as i thought back to the memory. We had been laying in my dorm room watching Ratatouille when the red headed chef addressed the rat as little chef. I rolled my eyes as he began laughing his breathe away at has terrible joke comparing us due to our small interest.

"Come on that was funny."

"We must have different senses of humor because im not impressed by that comment."

"Whatever im a fucking genius."

Yoongi groaned putting the covers over his face grumbling about how hes Superior and other things that didn't add up.

I smiled at the memory looking at Yoongi dialing the number to the nearest pizza place. I focused on the pout that formed on his lips as he managed to say through out every sentence as the permanent pout was displayed on his face. It shook me on how his interior remind tough and sluggish sporting every honestly brutal opinion he could muster while his exterior displayed of a small fragile kitten. Min Yoongi was my best friend and i knew certain things he didnt know about himself or certain things he didnt want to accept. I hadnt known what i would do if a time would come if he wasnt apart of my future anymore. It was always us in any problem even when one of us managed to conjure it up.

"What the hell is wrong with you, were getting pizza so the taste of your sad food should drown your sorrows."

Yoongi smirked as he grabbed the remote changing the channel to the kids network. I shoved him slight getting up to scarp the food i had attempted to prepare. I held both of the plates in my hand as Min Yoongi watched me walk off to dispose of them before i made my way back into the living room with a comment back.

"You're the reason why my food taste like shit."

Yoongi snapped his head facing in my direction from my comment . He looked slightly offended as the cooking truly was terrible and him begin the key reason for it didn't make it any better. I knew he wouldnt do anything Jurassic about it besides saying a few comments back. He wouldnt go the extreme measure of actually wasting his energy and putting his time into getting me back. He did however deliberately use this to his advantage as he through a pillow.

Yoongi began snickering at his success as i used it to my advantage to through the Pillow right back at him. His face complexly shifted to a cold stare watching as i was now the one laughing. I clutched on my stomach as he huffed in the background while i sat down next to him giving a sarcastic smile. He still keep on his stone cold face bored by the whole thing not finding it entertaining in the slightest.

"Your lucky I cant get up or else you would have expressed the pain brought to you by Min yoongi."

"Oh no not that."

"I fucking hate it here."

Yoongi only huffed and groaned even more for me not taking notice of his so called genius and opinion. I knew his comment hadn't been real as he was only joking in a strange manor however this was his thing. Switching up how he actually felt. I knew he liked living with me and the small bickering conversations that were held inside of our cheap home. I secretly knew how much he loved every bit of it as did too. Even though he boiled my blood to the point of death he always revived me to the complete point of it being all over.

"I swear on my fucking life if you keep on talking about this bullshit interview im going to jump out of that damn window."

Yoongi and I had been sharing the bed we purchased but I was using it for everything else but sleep. I was anxious as to what was to come of the morning.I  was upholding a new job and was going in for an interview. It had been something i was looking forward to but also terrified of doing so. I knew it would offer me grateful opportunities but i wasn't confident enough to take them into my hands. All these thoughts were flooding my mind and i had the need to express them to someone preferable to the person sleeping conventionally placed next to me.

"But the Window has no view, there for youll only get a face full of brick."

"Ill take my chances if that means i wont have to finish this conversation."

I huffed ruffling my hair making a pout form on my lips. I truly was stressed about the whole ordeal and questioning why I even managed to hand myself this position that i seemed eager for at the time. I was confusing myself and what i wanted only making my head swirl, resulting in things for me to do.

"I think Im just going to not go at all."

The midnight air had enhanced everything as i came to my conclusion. Even as the dark atmosphere filled our room  could still see the shocked expression displayed on his face. I hadnt known on why he was so surprised. He wasnt fond of the topic which i understood as it was late but he never showed such interest any other time. It added to the other ideas roaming around my head making the stress increase more. In senescence i shouldn't have been stressing over this as he was finally showing the slightest bit of interest and was going to share his honest opinion. I knew his opinion always held the truth as he saw nothing wrong with his truth.

"Oh you are most certainly going to be attending this interview. I did not just waste a good amount of my sleep to listen to you go on about this damn interview. There are somethings in life that we dont want to do but we have to go through it to open new opportunists. Once the darkness comes in the light will slowly consume you over time. Just please go through with it."

I smiled softly at is input. Rather he knew it or not i surely did help me and impacted my conquest in a positive light. It was times like this when i appreciated him most and pushed the times i questioned our friendship to the far back of my mind. He really was by my side in ever situation possible and was there to attempt to make the broken remade. He made the sadness slowly transform into a lighter tone. I appreciated him but thoughts still consumed my mind as i couldnt make use of them even after Yoongis helpful statement.

"But what abo-"

I was silenced by a pillow colliding with my face. This action instantly shut me up and furthered anymore of my speech. Min yoongi left the pillow on my face as he curled up and attempted his well needed sleep. I pushed the pillow off of my head holding a bored expression on my face not fond of his previous action. I knew i had been talking excessively but I still didnt deserve a pillow to the face as it wasnt needed. With all the problems still swimming along in my head I began to twist in the bed. I wasnt able to say anything to make things harder than they once were. I couldnt keep still as every bad thing consumed me before i felt Yoongis arm sweep my mid section and places me on his chest as i cuddle up to him.

"You need to stop letting the thoughts get to you. You'll do more than fine you'll do amazing and if they didnt take you then they passed up an opportunity of a lifetime. Therefore you wont have to worry about anything as you have no need to worry about something that wont happen. now please can we get some sleep its a key necessity that i get this done in my daily life."

Strangely enough i agreed to his comment. Cuddling against his chest as the cotton rested against my cheek making me drift off into a state of oblivion. His hand had rubbed my lower back tracing small unknown patterns. He hummed a soft tune falling into utter bliss as i followed soon after. I hadnt had the worry or doubt in my head as i felt comforted by the situation of him being in my presence.

I had woken up rather early as the thoughts came back only managed to commence back into my inner thoughts. I slowly attempted to remove myself from Yoongi trying not to wake him as his sleep was a force to be reckoned with. I had already created the anger from last night as I keep him up more than usual due to my mind. I hadnt intended to due so but it so majestically happened to make an appearance. I teared myself away from him as i made my way to the closet unfolding the nicest dress shirt along with a skirt to make myself seem semi professional. I huffed looking at myself in the mirror taking in my appearance before i notice Yoongis curled up body in the background. I turn my head to gaze upon him smiling lightly as the reassuring words referenced my mind.

"What are you doing up so early?"

I meet the gaze of Yoongis slightly opened eyes and parted lips struggling to make sense. His ruffled bed head had been messily laying on the pillow along with his lower half jumbled up in the covers.

"im gonna make us some breakfeast."

"Really? It looks as if your checking out my beauty."

Yoongi smirked at his comment running his fingers through his hair tiredly. I rolled my eyes at his cocky behavior but couldn't stray away from it as he was slightly true. In assent i was minding my business taking in my appearance when i noticed his in the corner of my mirror. I couldn't help but take notice at his cozy up with his longing blanket. His face laid uflushed as he was drifted in a warmness of sleep but as of now his face lied with a smirk ruining his sleepy state.

"Min Yoongi you make me wanna become a lesbian."

"Glad i make you feel that way, wake me up when breakfast is finished."

Min yoongi grabbed the covers that once lied at his lower half up to his upper to the point of covering his whole head. His body had been consumed by the covers and he took advantage of the bed while he had it all for himself. I left him alone with his sleep as i prepared a bowl of cereal. We had been low on groceries as we had little to no food and only enough cereal for one bowl. It appeared that Yoongi would only have his daily energy drink in a coffee cup.

I placed the finished product on the table taking a seat on the stiff couch and turing on the TV. The TV had still been programmed on the child network and it seemed slightly interesting. it surely was pointless but yet still managed to grab my attention into a clouded fog. I had been so drawn into the TV that i didnt notice Yoongi walk sluggishly with the blanket wrapped around him till the coach sunk along with him.

I hadnt paid him any mind as i crossed my legs on the couch and proceeded to eat the cereal with the bowl placed firmly in my hand. Yoongi seemed uninterested in the show as he reached for the remote rather than his coffee cup. This action made me let out a small squeak in protest making his look at me with a questioned expression. I had been confused on why he wanted to change the channel as watching cartoons had been a natural thing for us however as of now he had other interest.

"I thought you loved watching cartoons with me?"

"I do but this show is plain stupid, seriously why would a dragon win in a fight against Godzilla?"

I turned my head in disgust at his perception of the show. It was a fairly good show for children of all ages but mostly some below my age. Due to my age i had gained enough common sense in life and this excellent show, just enough sense to realize a dragon would in fact win in a fight. It often saddened me that Yoongi didnt get certain concepts and this begin one of them. Almost anyone who had sprouted a brain would understand that a Dragon could easily win in such fight. Yoongi needed to be educated on this and i was more than glad to tell him as i sat my bowl down on the table and turned my body to Yoongis as he did the same.

"Yoongi, honey i get that your education isnt at its prime right now but please gather all the skills you can. This damn Dragon can fly spout fire all while choke him with his damn spiky tail. Now that you've gathered that use your context clues and understand that Godzilla has no chance."

I finished my statement proudly believing every word of it as i was right. In theory a dragon would have a semi chance in a fight in any animal that came in its way. I sat proudly at my observation while Yoongi was slouched with his mouth gaped with slightly closed eyes taking what i said in. I knew he had something to say back but with his brain in the just awakened mood he wouldn't have much energy to fight back on me with this. He hadn't even took a worthy sip of his daily energy drink meaning he defiantly had nothing to offer besides a soft grumble.

"Dragons arent even real."

"Neither is Godzilla, Yoongi."

"Fuck you, you know my genius gets effected in the morning."

Yoongi slightly pushed me signalling that he wanted the conversation to come to an end. As he pushed me the milk from my cereal had gotten onto my shirt making the shirt dirty and see through. I grumbled as i smelled the milk reddened shirt and sent daggers to Yoongi who displayed a gummy smile attempting to make things better. The gum of his smile had been poking out profoundly making the situation less terrible. I had won the conversation we were on about earlier giving me the advantage but that still didn't fix my milked shirt.

"Yoongi can you go get a dress shirt from your dresser or my dragon will light your ass into flames."

"Oh please my Godzilla will literally stomp you to death."

Yet Yoongi still managed to get up with a sigh sluggishly walking. I had usually borrowed his shirts on occasion. They weren't far off from my size only being one up. It certainly did make things more conventional and more manageable. It was a plus as the clothes resembled of his cologne. It was a joyous smell that engulfed my nose making me feel a slight fuzzy feeling in my heart. It hadnt been what we describe as falling for someone but rather knowing that you have the one person who makes you feel better be around you the whole day. Yoongi was always blunt and honest but that was the best kind of way into telling someone the truth. That was one of the ways i was so drawn into him, as he faced his opinion and stood up for me. I always managed to think back to that day when we are in our slightest situations like these. He was always going to push through rather it be telling his opinion for me in a big crowd or letting me borrow one of his shirts. I could always count on my best friend.

Yoongi entered back in the room with a plain button up shirt. He directed in my direction motioning that i still had on my milk shirt. I gestured for him to leave the room but he didnt get the hint as he stood there clueless with the buttoned shirt displayed in his hands.

"You can leave now, dont want you seeing my boobs."

"Are you fucking serious, weve been friends for years I promise i wont get a boner at the sight of your chest in a bra sack."

I rolled my eyes slowly taking off my shirt. For the amount of times we had been friends he had surprisingly never seen me naked as have I. This made things even more intimate as silence covered our atmosphere and his eyes directed to my clothed breast. I hadnt known what to do as i held my stance while he still held the button up shirt in his hands. I cleared my throat signifying that he could hand me the shirt which he did snapping out of his presences returning back to his unmentioned stare.

I began in attempt to button the buttons displayed on failing before i felt Yoongis cold hands take my place. He had a slight change in expression almost as if he had cared about something, affection. The state scared me as it brought by him, he never showed an ounce of expression besides disgust or nothing at all. This had been new but it was certainly something to get use to. His hands had been slowly been approaching my breast as his breathe began to grow agitated. Im sure it had been a long time since Yoongi had felt the longing touch of the opposite sex.

"Thats a nice bra, really makes your boobs look fantastic."

"Yoongi i swear-"

"What your gonna get your damn dragon on me again?"

I laughed at his comment as it brought light to the atmosphere, something that i needed. The thought of the interview had resurface into my head yet again floating around with bad possibilities. I couldnt help but fiddled with my fingers giving the obvious fidget a warning to Yoongi. His fingers had finished buttoning as he tucked in my shirt and fixed my collar. I had avoided eye contacting hoping that he wouldn't notice my nerves but it was Yoongi we were talking about. He mastered every aspect of me and how it was constructed. He could point out anything remotely wrong with me and this was one of those moments.

His hands slowly made  there way to my cheek making my eyes divert to his. His eyes read the affection that held a few minutes ago. This was a truly rare sight. Yoongi was rarely being genuine as he didnt like showing his true feelings to people, even being his best friend he managed to hide this from me. He went to these lengths to reassure me that things would be okay, risking his ego for me. It was a genuine thing wither he wanted to admit it or not. He did cared about people even when he didnt want to let that be known.

"I knew you may be in a struggle but i want you to know whatever happens ill be by your side. I know they will hire you or else they will surely be missing something valuable and thats there loss. When you get in the interview just keep on telling yourself how good you are for them because you truly are, you are to good for anyone. You deserve so much more than what you give yourself."

His hands had still been placed on my cheeks before he removed on replacing it with a small peck to the cheek. I smiled lightly taking in the moment before it was over. I nodded along to him gathering the information i had just received and made my way out the door giving him a longing hug for reassurance. I didnt need it but it was good enough to be engulfed by his rare aura and use it to its advantage.

The door shut behind me as I made my way down the hall before i heard the door being reopened to be met with Yoongis pale face.

"Oh and by the way that dragon you were on about is nothing compared to Godzilla."

And with that he closed the door with a small smirk and playful facial structure. He surely did make the worst of times turn into the best. Yoongi was right i didnt give myself enough credit but neither did he. People and himself often saw him a a sluggish loner who only cared about his own feelings however it stretched far beyond this. He was sensitive and caring when the time was to come and i always admired those times as he gave me strength from them. Yoongi was truly an amazing person and i wished he gave himself credit for so.

I looked at the door one last time smiling to myself at his behavior. The thoughts roamed my head about what he told me keeping it in the closest parts of my mind keeping it with me as i made my way to the interview.

I had been strolling the cart as Yoongi went on mindlessly about his gig he had later on today. I was touched on my own inner thoughts to his into consideration. Its not that i hadn't cared it was the simple fact that the interview had been playing over and over again demolishing every word that had managed to fall from my mouth. Had the words been to rehearsed or possibly unrehearsed. I had began to judge everything about every aspect of the interview even the smallest bit to my clothing. I had been grateful of Yoongis helping hand but the nagging though in my mind still knocked at my head at any possible excuse.

"Anyway, how did the interview go?"

My head had snapped to Yoongis direction who had mindlessly been walking in front of me as if his question didnt affect me. Of course i hadn't wanted to answer this as i wouldn't even answer this question myself. Well i assume i did have a basic understanding on who the whole ordeal went. In my mind it had gone terrible and i wanted to have nothing to do with the whole topic bu Yoongi gregariously brought it up. I had corrupted myself into making it much worst than it seemed but it already seemed terrible. Why not enhance that feeling i questioned myself. Yoongi and I had both unanswered questions only resulting in me driving myself closer to my insanity. Best bet was to abandon the whole conversation as it only made me think about the whole thing ever more.

"Hows your gig going."

"I already told you thats why i asked somethign about yo- wait were you even listening to what i said before?"

Yoongi already knew the answer to this question unlike his other one. Yoongi was fairly smart with his observations trying to make sure that no one takes notice in his stances and obstructions but luckily for me i did. He already knew i wasnt listening as i had all the weight on my shoulders but he went on to not ask further questions as it would only possibly break me down more. In a conversation where it was revolving around himself but he was rather thinking about my mental actions and state.

As he said his last sentence he hadnt asked anymore about it knowing what would only come from so. He may had pushed my buttons but he never pushed me off the edge. He knew his boundaries and what was acceptable. However I had still bent up anger over the dark themes it caused. I certainly knew that i was being over dramatic but i couldnt help myself to get like this when these situations commenced. I tended to make situations possibly worst by caring this mental emotion into my actions.

We had made our way to the cereal isle as we skimmed the cheapest cereals they could muster. Our favorite had been 'Astro Charms' an off brand 'Lucky Charms'. Yoongi and I had always found joy of making fun of the names they could come up with from the top of there head. They truly were genius people contributing genuine ideas for the cereal productions but atleast try and come up with your own product name. I suppose this was why me and Yoongi found showed joy and funniness out of their attempts.

I skimmed my eyes along the cereal seeking for the specific kind. Of course as i finished my skim they had been on the highest shelf possible. I hadnt been the tallest person ever and neither had Yoongi but he still remained taller than me to reach the farthest product of cereal. I groaned at my attempts to reach the cereal only failing. I tried to retrieve it once last time before placing my hands on my knees as if I had ran a full marathon. Yoongi took notice in my jumps smirking to himself behind his hand.

"You need me to get that for you?"

"How dare you judge the vertically challenged."

Yoongi shrugged to himself with a stifled laugh. He quickly went down the rest of the isle scanning any other food items we may had needed. I had stared down my computation while he did so, trying to find any possible way to retrieve this item from the top shelf without any assistants. The whole ordeal hadnt been playing out in my favor as i tried climbing up the shelfs but stopped mid way as the assumption that i would need Yoongis assistants to get down. Overall whatever plan i demised in my head included him which was basically a cycle in my daily life. Everything included him and I wouldn't even know it. I let out on last defeated sigh and accepted the eager help.

"Yoongi, help me."

Yoongi walked over with his same smirk painted on his face as it was last time but this time more evident and radiating with confidence. He felt needed as he grabbed the box of under rated cereal giving himself a well deserved hand. I noticed him standing on the tips of his toes as he reached the box making me smile to myself that even himself was struggling to get a box of cereal. It made me slightly ravish in victory in some way seeing him struggling in the same requirement as i was.

Yoongi plopped the item into our cart as i continued to stroll it him following by my side. He had been rather close and been faking intimidation for some unknown reason. I could tell as the smirk o his face turned to a more playful one signalling his joking side making me question his next choice of actions and wonder what they held.

"I would be a better astronaut."

It sure as hell was a random conversation starter as he kept his eyes on the 'Astro charms'. Im sure he pictured himself instead of the little space man directed on the box instead.However just because Yoongi thought this didnt mean it was true. What was he on about lately first it had been about Godzilla and now this topic? Obviously i would be a better astronaut then him as i held the better skill set. If Yoongi was in space and suddenly ran into an unknown species surely he would full under pressure and shoot them at any given chance he held. He was certainly unsuited for the task at hand.

"Yoongi, you know i support everything you do and what you want to become but i will gregariously take up that job position in a heartbeat."

"Y/N you both know i can jump higher than you."

"In space there is literally no gravity that shit wont matter."

"Rule fucking one of becoming an astronaut is begin able to jump cool, mostly when on the moon. So just accept it."

I sported a straight smile nagging at him in my head knowing he couldnt handle what i would say. Yoongi patted my back encouragingly trying to seem helpful in a way. I hadnt been overly upset at all just portraying so to make the joke go further and Yoongi knew this too. We always picked on each other with things even the stupidest of conversations. Just the simple conversation striking between us two was enough for us no matter the topic.

"How about this, we both gather all our saving to go to space and roam the moon hell we could probably buy the moon. Just us, together."

Yoongi proceeded to drag his arm along my shoulder bringing us closer. I was taken back by the sudden action as i swerved the cart before his hands steadied it. Suddenly we were both directing the cart lazily together with goofy smiles painted on out faces dreaming as far as our banks could take us, which wasnt as far as we could assume however we choose to live in the moment with one another.

"Get away from earths bullshit and just be with each other."

How lovely the whole aspect surrounding that idea sounded.

Yoongi and I had carried the grocery bags up the stairs heaving at each step we took to our apartment door. I dropped the bags at the front of the door retrieving my keys while an agitated Yoongi laid behind me, I had to make my movements quick. However my movements halted as i say the prominent brick red sign lying on our door. I dropped any other remaining items in my hand replacing it with the item on the door. The tape had been still attached freshly to the top of the paper as i skimmed throughout the whole paper.

"Whats taking so long."

I slowly diverted my eyes behind me looking at Yoongi who had his eyes close and lips quivering at the feeling of his arms about to give up on the heaviness of the bags. I motioned for him to put the bags down as i waved the paper in his face while he opened his eyes. He grasped ahold of the paper reading it in a faint whisper. Overall the paper was bad but it certainly could have been worse. Due to our lack in money and not being able to pay full rent our landlord decided to make the grasious decsion to turn off our warm water leaving us with coldness.

"Well there goes our savings to a trip to the moon."

Yoongi held a small frown at the idea sported only a few minutes ago was now vanishing from reality. It truly did seem like a good idea but certainly wasnt going to be an idea that could be escalated so easily. It was now a figment of our imagination but at least it was shortly lived. We still had each other which was a plus as having him around was certainly enough of an adventure.

"Well atleast we still have running water."

"Yeah but we cant use to much of it, only for a limited amount of time."

"Well i need to take a shower first because of my gig tonight and i dont feel like sweating on the stage with all those hot ass lights."

"But ive been sweating all day because of that damn interview."

"Yeah you have I just didnt want to say anything."

I looked at Yoongi with hooded eyes as he placed his gummy smile over his face making up for his previous statement. He sure was the character but that wasn't helping us with our shower situation and how it would make itself out. We both had to take a shower at this moment as it would satisfy what we needed but the problem was we were running limited on water, leaving on thought in my mind. I turned over to Yoongi who seemed to have mustered the same idea as I but i was quick to shut it down.

"Yoongi I am not taking a shower with you."

"Come on its just to save water nothing sexual."

"Okay but i swear if you pull something."

I let out a sigh as Yoongi rubbed his hands in determination for whatever reason he held. Two naked bodies in a shower together was sure to start an experiment well needed but made me feel uneasy as what it could lead to. We had been best friends for years yet nothing so opened has happened between us and i could tell Yoongi was opened to letting that streak to be broken.

"Yoongi I swear you better remove your dick from my ass right now."

"I cant just take my dick off and re attach it, sorry but it just doesn't work like that."

The beginning of the shower had been going fairly well washing up with soap and ignoring each other awkward glances however as time passed by it increased in strangeness. As we proceeded to shampoo our hair we came up with the brilliant idea to have the other person massage our head and wash out with water. It seemed good at first but know the poking of Yoongis dick seemed to drive things further south. It could have been worst as far as him getting a full on boner but just the feeling of my best friends dick so close to me made me think about certain things.

I tried to ignore the feeling focusing on the messaging has i hummed while his fingers combed throughout my hair. It certainly felt nice to have someone else take up this task besides me. I had began to let our small whimpers as the pleasure increased. I felt Yoongi stiffen from behind me at my small noises coming from my parted lips. I hadn't taken notice that i was even making theses noises till i felt the familiar object against my thigh being to become slightly upright. I halted my sounds as now the shower was filled with the patter of the water droplets hitting the chipped tub.

I had rinsed the remaining suds in my hair before turning around to now take care of Yoongis hair. However as i turned around he didnt copy my actions. His eyes soon darted down my body as mine did too. It hadnt been intentional it just happened rather quickly something that i couldnt process. My eyes ranked down his body observing every inch it could muster. I was surely flustered after doing so not sure what my next moves should consist of.

"Yoongi why didnt you turn around!"

I was quick to put the blame on him not wanting to come to terms that i was in the wrong as well as him. I did what i was doing best when i didnt want to come to terms to things. It was a bad habit for sure but it worked in situations like so.

"Well neither did you."

Shit he did have a point and I wish he didnt. Better yet his eyes still shamelessly ranked around my dripping body not ashamed of doing so. He was owning up to what he did while I hid behind his words making him eat up mine as well as his. He graciously did it without a care in the world as if it didnt have any consequences.

"You really are beautiful you know. I find it hard to believe that its been this many years and i hadnt been graced with your beauty."

What he was saying was definitely far fetched and seemed as if it all had been over dramatic but Yoongi never said anything along those lines. I hadnt even known why he had ushered those things falling out his lips. Usually he called me gross and rarely complimented me only when bad themes accrued. Never did he trail his hands along my waist let alone my naked waist. This whole thing had been new and taking big steps at something that i never saw coming in our friendship.

"Yoong-"

"Im serious Y/N, whatever happens i just want you to know that i care about you more than i have about anyone else."

It was true as i felt the same way but not to the extant he was talking about. He was in the heat of the moment and i could feel myself being drag in just as he was. It was tempting as it also felt oddly satisfying. I hated the way it made me feel and how it could risk things but I pushed those thoughts away from any of the verbal actions i could communicate.

"Listen Y/N i know were best friends so I wont do anything that your uncomfortable with and i want you to know whatever happens to use it wont change anything."

After his statement it surely sent my mind into overload. Taking up on all the different options that roamed around my full head of possibilities. I however didnt have time to answer as the alarm from the timer ad began ringing. Yoongi whipped away the remaining suds on the sides off my head before rubbing my damp hair with a small reassuring smile. I knew that this would be the last moment to be shared like this as it was there first ever time to actually happen.

Yoongi was always rare on these occations however they began to become more regular. This began to change things in a way that i couldnt put my finger on. I couldnt tell if it was strengthening our relationship or making it fade. Im liked to believe that we would be together through out everything but in certain aspects i wasnt sure of. He made me confused as hell while i stared at him drying himself off with his straight face as if the moment between the two of us never accrued. Thats just how he always portrayed himself. Pretending the moment had never accrued and never bring it up unless he wanted to.

I knew that these thought would only intensify and i would be left wondering if i could continue on with this feeling I didnt know i was capable of having for Yoongi. If i wanted to somehow follow on with this i needed to portray myself as Yoongi did to himself. Act as if nothing was happening and keep on the friendship unless i seeked for something more. Besides it wasnt important as of now. I needed to push my problems away and focus on Yoongi tonight as an important gig was surfing his way. I had no time of giving up on something as of now because it had always been me and Yoongi nothing more and nothing less.

Together we could conquer more the the earth but the entire universe including the well desired moon. No amount of money could change that.

It had been only a couple of more weeks till anything else meaningful had happened. Yoongi and I had been living out our regular days filled with playful arguments and meaningless conversations. In fact the night prier to the shower had been a rather eventful one for the both of us. Yoongi had managed winning first place in the solo musicians cafe night. His face remained stone like and nodding while proclaiming a quick thank you with a short speech. He seemed grateful but very expressionless. As for me i had been waving all of the possible limbs off of my body. I had been rather proud of him and having his talent actually gain notice, i had every right to be proud.Someone my overenthusiastic approach had left people with he idea of me having the title of his girlfriend.

As Yoongi stepped off of the stage and i engulfed him whole he patted my back lightly not sure on how to handle this affection. I could tell he was proud of himself even when he wasnt showing it on the outside. He didnt know how to react at his accomplishment or how to take them as people usually would He was left with an unreadable approach to people who hadn't come into communication with him. People would often call him ungrateful for his reactions not knowing what he a actually experiencing deep inside.

The host of the whole event took a step off of the stage and stood next to me and Yoongi. I tore my eyes away from Yoongis as they traced to the host who held a forced smile. He seemed very strained not as if he was bored wth everything but almost like smiling was his permeate job besides this.

"Suga i certainly can see a bright future and you surely are lucky to have your girlfriend to support you and your creativity."

"Shes actually my best friend."

We often got refereed to being in a relationship on occasion. It wasnt something that surprised us and neither did we take offense to it. We always were in a close proximity with one another giving off the impression but we didnt want to go as far to break that just for peoples perspective of things. This was how regular days went for us. Spending our days together and have people make assumptions. It wasn't very eventful but it was how our life went.

Now as we transformed into the weeks following things began to grow eventful. Not to the point of excitement but much rather to the brink of terrifying. I had been having a rough time at work trying to knock down the basics of each task. Things had been getting difficult and it didn't help the situation as i walked into a dark light apartment. I had been frighten to say the least as I keep on the side lamp on to refrain from the position i was in now. However when i turned on the lamp it didnt cooperate. I stood there for a second trying to find a possibility on why this would happen till it dawned on me. The landlord had turned off our electricity leaving the apartment with a darkened state.

I made my way to the kitchen cabinet to retrieve some handles and light them with the lighter.I placed the materials on the counter. I had only been focused on the task at hand not taking in my surroundings. I hadn't heard the closing off the door as i was to concentrated on lighting the candle till i felt a hand land on my shoulder and a voice.

"Why are the light of-"

I hadnt been focused on who the voice belonged to rather whos hand was attached to my shoulder and what actions would happen next. I only had one main thing on my mind as i grasped a fork in my hand and stabbed the persons hand as they let out a yelp. I quickly lit the candle and turned my attention to the person who was behind me. I positioned the candle in my hand and in there direction to get a clear vision of who the yelp belonged to.

"Ow what the hell Y/N! Did you just stab me with a damn fork."

Of course my mind had transformed Yoongi into a house invader. I quickly apologized trying to make up a good explanation. Of course i didnt have a good logical reason on why well at least not one he would listen to. Atlest his hand hadnt been seriously injured or he would have been seriously angry with me. Instead of shouting any forbidden words he wanted an explanation as to why the lights were out. Luckily that distracted him from the actions that i caused on him. I roughly explained the situation as what I could gather from it.

We had no electricity what so ever. Meaning we had no tv system or no entertainment. We had been living in an age where we depend on technology and now we were stuck without it. I placed the candles in our proximity. Yoongi had gone on a venture to find an entertainment system while i had been in charge of sitting on the floor making sure the candles didnt blow out. What a difficult task I had

Yoongi came back retrieving monopoly and a bottle of alcohol. I hadnt even known that we held those items but Yoongi managed to find them without hesitation. He placed these items on the floor in front of me as he sat across. He look at the bottle before placing it on the floor as well. We opened the box and placed the board down looking at the different colors of cards and various items. The figures were laied out across the board as i went to reach for the skate board one Yoongis hand did as well.

"Get your hands off my skate board."

"Your skateboard? Yoongi, you dont even know how to skateboard."

"That doesnt mean shit and i was the one the one who found this damn game."

"Fine."

I tossed him the small silver skateboard as he caught it with victory. I settled for a dog already excepting my disastrous fail. Yoongis eyes dotted to another figurine as he dropped the skateboard and replaced it with a tiny silver piano. He placed it on his knee and began fake playing the tiny instrument in his hand. It hadn't projected any noise as it surely was fake but Yoongi seemed like he took a few sips of the alcoholic beverage before retrieving it back. He seemingly enjoyed himself as he was pretending to play until his mouth parted and he began to spout lyrics from his agape mouth.

Yoongi had always played me bits of his sound and it seemed like this was own of his well written songs. This had to be a newly written one as it still had small errors or possibly he was to drunk to correct them in the very moment. However I still took in every word he said and memorizing it as if it was going to evaporate from my mind. No instruments had been playing yet he still manged t make it seem meaningful with just his voice.

Yoongi took a swig of the beverage after finishing such a performance. He hadnt thought anything of it as he was to intoxicated to actually take notice. I had wished he would give himself a certain amount of credit no matter the situation.

"Yoongi, that was really good."

"They dont call me Min genius for nothing."

He offered me a playful wink on tat i couldn't resist to laugh at. Maybe i had been over thinking everything and i needed to relax and not focus on things that didn't involve my input. I reached my arm out and took the bottle from Yoongi and replaced my broken words with the nap of the bottle. I felt the sting of the liquor hit the back of my throat as i coughed violently.The rest of the game had been filled with boastful laughing and liquor staggered breath filling the area.

I moved my figure lazily over the square before exclaiming what it said.

"Yoongi looks like you owe me your house."

"Your a damn cheater their is no way im giving my house to a dog."

He directed his attention to the dog figurine on the board. He lifted it up testing his theory proving him wrong. He let out a groan saying how this whole game was testing his patients. Due to the alcohol in my system i let out a small laugh and a small smile managed to crack from him. We both had the liquor coursing through our veins as nothing really mattered as of now.

"We should get a dog."

"Yoongi were broke."

"Oh we could name him Min Holly. Oh Min Holly."

Yoongi placed his hand on his heart dramatically while laying down on the floor. I laughed feeling the alcohol bubbling inside of me before we banned the game and settled on conversion. However we still remained quit soaking up the comfort in each other. We didn't focus on the bad themes of what was going on as they were surrounding us. We had millions of reasons to be stressed out but instead of worrying about these so called things we pushed them to the side and took in each other.

"You know i wrote that song about you."

"What?"

It was as if the alcohol that once lurked my system vanished completely. My once care free mind begin to move to assumption. I had an idea of the song being directed to an object rather than an actual person. It seemed weird to refer to it like that but it was an assumption that i corrupted.

"Yeah, I titled it first love out of respect to you. Certain aspects arent about you as i had multiple first loves but your the only person Ive grown an attachment to."

I could tell the alcohol had left his system as he began to speak his mind. Not completely all of it as he wouldnt actually let himself admit to something like this. He was slowly beginning to admit things more even when he didn't need to. He still didn't say everything on his mind as he saw that it wasnt needed. He would rather be alone with those thoughts even when he had me he didnt tell me certain things.He was feeling comfortable enough to actual to come to terms with this himself enough to tell me.

"What does that mean?"

I had fully known what he was hinting at but didnt want to come to terms with so. I had been struggling myself with this whole situation. I had always liked Yoongi but seeing the girls come in and out his life. It had damaged me in a way. I had always knew that i was one of the main parts of his life but just the sight of seeing him with someone else made things ever so difficult. I had always wanted to be in this position of me and Yoongi having an actual chance at something more than a friendship but as of now i had no idea what to make of it.

"It means I wrote you a song."

Yoongi had positioned himself as his elbows held him up. This way i could see his face more clearly as the candles lit across his face. His brown eyes sparkled as the flame danced across his iris. It certainly set me back to the time where i was just discovering myself becoming fond of him and his personality. I had felt something for him I couldn't feel with someone else so i asked myself why i felt so hesitant about the whole situation.

I reached my hand out for his as i engulfed his palm. I had ran my thumb across his as his eyes were glued to the small amount of affection. He never showed a sign of it unless on hard times did I as it was a strange aspect of our friendship. This however didnt mean that we never had a liking for each other we just remained more closed off to the idea. As now things were changing and maybe change was proved as a good thing.

My eyes flickered to his as his still stared at our interlocked hands. I carefully took my free hand to be placed against his jaw bringing his eyes to met mine. I took note in his appearance from the slight part in his lips to the mess black hair that laid atop of his head. I could smell the aroma of liquor still lingering from his breathe as my lips grew closer to his. The amount of space between our parted lips had been smaller then a thin string but we still didn't connect. I hadn't know what i was waiting for till I felt Yoongi lips meet mine and falling into a trance. Our lips had molded together perfectly after a longed wait. It felt longed waited after many years. Surprisingly we had never gone as far as hugging not even the most intimate of glances. We had tried to always seen each other as nothing more than friends until this very moment.

I pulled my lips away first opening my eyes lazily awaiting for Yoongi to do the same. As he did a small smile formed upon his lips but he tried to fight it as he didnt wan to show his soft side. I had found it another reason as why I had began to like him so much He couldnt fight what he felt and there were some moments where this emotion took him over so much to the point of actually showing what he felt out in the open. Of course he didnt want other people to witness this but i did. I was the reason why.

"Thank you, for writing the song for me."

Yoongi had nodded his head his eyes focused on something else. He had been concentrating on what i was saying as he lifted himself from his previous position to on his knees. He stood taller than me as his hands cupped my jaw taking in every aspect as i did him. He was feeling everything I did but this time he didnt take like as I did. His lips molded against mine yet again and was savoring each minute.

His tongue had graced upon my lips asking for entrance as i eagerly excepted. His hands that once cupped my jaw made there way down my body till they landed on the back of my thighs. He slowly used his strength to lift himself and me off of the floor. His hands had stayed firmly on my thighs as he walked to ur shared bedroom to put it to use.

My head hit the softened pillow as his warm lips still managed to collide with mine. My mind had been filled with carelessness yet again. Only few moments did i have nothing roaming around my head and he was able to unlock this. Nothing about what was to occur after this and how it would affect things. I was focused on now and what would come from it.

His hands traced along my shirt specifically the hem of my top. I knew his mind was ranking his abilities on how he could managed to take my top off without seeming overly cocky. I admired that he seemed like he was over thinking things judging his every movements but i wanted to make him feel as comfortable as possible.

I pushed him off of me slightly so we were both sitting up. I proceeded to grasp the hem of my top in my hands as Yoongis eyes followed my hands. His breathe had become slightly uneven at the sight. Things seemed to become more intense as the both of us hadn't been sexually active in quiet awhile. It certainly was riveting to be back in the state but even more better as I was sharing it with Yoongi.

I took off my shirt taking in his facial expression as he held a blank stare with his mouth slightly agape. I stifled a laugh not wanting him to seemed embarrassed. I had enjoyed seeing him in such a state and wanted to see how intense things could really get if i went the extra mile. I then proceeded to unclasp my bra making his eyes not break contact with my chest. Yoongi slightly mumbled if he could mantled my breast. I nodded along that it was okay to do so.

His lips clasped around the bud of my nipple. I cradled his head as he went on his assault on  my nipple. I moaned at the feeling ruffling my fingers through his hair needing something to grasp onto as i was experiencing such pleasure. His other hand grasped my other breast making sure to include it as well. His lips slowly made its way to my collar bone to my neck and up until they connected with my lips yet again.

My hands sorted its away around his shirt. I gripped it tightly signalling for him to take off his shirt next. Yoongi obeyed taking off his shirt quickly before coming back into the kiss. Yoongi leaned into the kiss resulting in me falling back down onto the bed. He wrapped his hands around my thighs directing them around his waist before his hands deepened down into my pants. I felt the slight chill while he did so. I felt my stomach dip at the feeling causing a small whimper to leave my lips. He took this as encouragement as he unbuttoned my pants and stuck his hands into my underwear all while kissing me.

"Fuck, Yoongi."

He hadnt even entered me yet i was already moaning for him. He was surely heightening up my senses making me hyper sensitive to the whole experience. His fingers dipped into my entrance making me squirm under his touch. I felt myself moaning more at just his fingers but also seeking for something more. I threw my head back at the feeling and also the longing feeling of him being inside of me.

"I love it when you moan my name princess."

The pet name had made me moan louder. I was practically dripping wet and Yoongi could tell easily as his fingers were feeling around for my juices. It seemed that Yoongi was getting his own excitement from this as i felt his cock poking against me. He decided to finally put the situation into action as he managed to take off my pant and underwear as he did the same to himself.

He had lined himself up taking control in the situation but still looked me in the eyes asking if this whole occurrence was okay with me. Overall we had been drunk at first but i was no more and i could certainly tell the same had been with him. The alcohol had been replaced with real feelings and how to act upon them so i nodded asking for him to do what was long waited for.

( PSA: Just because youre fucking Yoongi without a condom in this fan fiction doesnt mean that you shouldnt use a condom in real life AGAIN wrap your willy before it gets to silly!)

He slowly filled his cock with my entrance making us both let out a long waited moan. Yoongi had began to grow aggressive as he felt my walls around him. His grip on my waist had increased making the experience intensify in a good way making me moan louder than before. I couldnt believe that we hadnt done anything remotely like this but i was glad it was getting down as of now.

"I beat all your other boyfriend couldnt fuck you as good as I can."

I had only had one boyfriend in my whole life and Yoongi despised him in a way. I hadnt known why but a hatred had sported for him. He hated how he always held my hand and was affectionate as Yoongi knew him himself couldnt do these actions so easily. However times had changed and i was laying with Yoongi instead of him proving him something.

"Only you can, Yoongi."

"Thats right princess."

Yoongi ad began to go harder due to my response aiming to excel. He had easily already been the best guy i had slept with but just the added endurance made things intensify. I felt my walls clenching around me as i sure Yoongi did as his head went to the crook of my neck growling as he met every thrust before i came undone. I let out a series of moans as he did as well before releasing.

Yoongi turned to his side of the bed not knowing how to end on a good note, He hadnt meant for this to happen and neither did i leaving us with an awkward approach. I knew I liked Yoongi and I didnt want our friendship to be forever ruined due to the bump in the road. I wanted to come to terms with this instead of stray away from it so i decided to muster the courage and speak what was on my mind.

"I like you."

I had been looking at the ceiling taking a quick glance at Yoongis back muscles waiting to see how he would react but he didnt. He didnt move nore did he contribute to what I said. I had destroyed our friendship with the gracious amount of temptations. The thoughts commenced my head yet again setting me into  a saddened state. I had begun to scare myself at any possibilities but all that seemed to hush at the sign of reassurance.

Yoongis hand snaked around my hide section bringing us closer together. I felt him kiss my shoulder slightly smiling as if he had finally made the decision that would impact his life in the greatest.His hands wrapped over mine as if they were the most fragile thing in the world as well as they may slip away from his very hands. I was happy with what was occurring and could tell this feeling would never come to a halt and the words that ushered past his lips only confirmed this feeling.

"I love you too."

I had been anxiously biting my finger nails in anticipation. Yoongi had stood on the same stage yet again but held at a different venue. He had been begin judged on his performance staying on the stage trying to keep a collected exterior while awaiting his win.

Throughout his performance i had been sobbing and cheering him on as he preformed one of his so every loving songs. Tonight had been a special one due to it being'First Love'. The dedication he had mustered into each lyric really opened up his true emotions even to people who he didnt know. My cheers only increased as he made eye contact with me smiling slightly to himself at the accomplishments he was living.

He stood on the stage fiddling with his fingers trying not to make it noticeable but however as they called his name as first winner he couldnt contain his excitement. His mouth let out a squeak noise in shock at the sudden win grabbing ahold of the trophy as tears morphed. Theres was always something about the second win that made things seem more eventful. A sense that you actually made it rather being good for one thing.

The sudden jolt of energy had bolted into my whole being needed to be engulfed by his presences just to test how real everything was. Yoongi held his arms wide open as he took in my request rocking us back and forth while we cried into eachother shoulders. The answer began talking into the microphone but i didnt managed to pick anything up as i was to trapped in Yoongis being.

I pulled away wiping away his tears bringing us in a chaste kiss sealing everything. I looked into his glossy orbs taking into everything from each experience. Yoongi had been my best friend and still remained my best friend. He held an extra title is all rather than just being my best friend. My best friend had managed to make such an impact on my life and others as i look around the cheering people who were seated. It took me back to when our professor told us we wouldn't as succeed in life. I had taken up the offer of my dream job while yoongi had been living his dream. most important we had each other of all. Having another body to share these experiences with was the true key of life. Not the riches that came along with it but spending that time with someone.

Yoongi was my someone. He was my best friend and my boyfriend. Most people dreamed of having let alone one while i surpassed both. I truly was lucky and I needed to remind myself of this everyday as i couldnt believe it. I couldnt tell you exactly how it would end but i wanted to focus on the raw beginning. The beginning of our future and what was to come, I described it as a fiery passion with a burning desire of intensity and as he looked me in the eye i could tell he knew this too. We had been in our young adult years and have experienced the hard struggles of life but it was just the beginning.

And i couldn't wait to make more beginnings with him.

*corny i know*

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

[eludum-a]

500 follower follow forever!

it happened. god knows why so many of you are here, but apparently you like what i do, so... well, thank you! to everyone! but this is a very informal follow forever meant specifically for people i speak to regularly/people i consider my friends/people i feel i owe something to. i haven’t done anything like this since the 100 follower mark, so please bear with me. 

i felt like i needed to do this because, in the wise words of taako the wizard, “it doesn’t always have to be goof goof dildo. i’m traveling around with the boner squad and i never get to say... what i’m feeling! i have emotions!”

if you’re not here, please don’t feel like i don’t appreciate you! i only have the energy for so much love here in my body. if you’ve been inactive/are on hiatus, i might have missed you, and if we haven’t really talked a lot ooc, same thing applies.

(i have been working on this on and off for weeks. im so tired pls just let me be finished with it)

anyway, call outs below the cut!

@unsuspicious: cou, you send me so many baffling and strange images at all hours of the day. i had to lead up with this because where do you even get all those. anyway, you’re definitely the person i talk to the most every day, and it’s weird as shit to think that the last thing in tumblr messenger was me sending you the link to the discord channel. you’re a fantastic roleplayer when you actually roleplay and you’re fun to have around!

@hismalice: raz you are one of my favorite people on this god forsaken hell site and don’t ever forget that. if you need a reminder you can come back here and look at this and see this seal of approval, and also the mental image of me saying “no, fuck you” to your negative thoughts and then punching them in the face heaven slaying dragon fist style. if you ever wanna talk you know where to find me and it’s also ok if you don’t want to!! i’ll still be here regardless.

@cantalazarus: god bless the hinatatas, may they grow strong and powerful this year. amen. on a more real note: this is my official notice that i really appreciate you just... in general, as a person, even if im an asshole who has trouble with, like, Feelings and shit. so there’s that. same as with raz above, you obviously know where to find me whenever you wanna talk. and take as long as you need to recharge your batteries!! no rush

@mxssias: ALEX MY MAN... BOY... GUY! DUDE, PAL, WHATEVER. your naegi is LIT. i love the good good egg boy so much and you do him justice!! you don’t just focus on the lighter aspects of his character, but you recognize his various struggles as well! you’re also just a fun person to talk to and i’d love to do more naenami in the future of COURSE

@ayatsurii the sparkliest of cats! yo, sparkle, thank u for turning me on to pekonami because it’s so good and pure, and thank you also for trying to keep things from burning down in the chat when we get too rowdy (even if you’re not successful... we can’t be tamed). i look forward to future pekonami interactions!

@snappshot: sarah is wonderful at everything she does, sorry i dont make the rules. you’ve been around this blog for what feels like forever now?? first as mahiru (and your mahiru rly captured my heart) but also sayaka and kaede and your persona muses are equally wonderful! idk what i’d have done if you weren’t there to reassure me i was doing a good job. god bless sarah

@anemoia-avenoir / @ongakuvoices: rrrrrrrrIO! you’re lovely and you should know it. i know we don’t really talk much ooc but you definitely deserved a spot in here! your passion for your muses is incredible! your love for them shows in the details of your writing, and i know it can be frustrating sometimes to feel like you’re not good enough (believe me... i have been there many times), but believe me... you’re gonna do amazing things, i just know it.

@malchancevilain YOU STILL OWE ME 15 DOLLARS AND I AIM TO COLLECT, GREG GRIMALDIS. NO MATTER WHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE YOU ARE. ahem. we share a lot of common interests, watchy, and i really do love your luckgami, like, a lot. i love how different his background is without changing who he is fundamentally as a person, aka a snob

@shpionaz: *insert obligatory ‘like a boss’ joke here* ok now that we’ve gotten that over with,,, im so grateful i got a chance to play out the oumanami brotp interactions with you because that was on my wishlist almost as soon as i found out about their sprite similarities and we didn’t even have to try, it just happened. you’re first ouma in my heart forever and i can’t wait to do some things with your oc too!!

@gambogeish: it’s kind of ironic how i didn’t finish twewy until we became friends, when it was first gifted to me by my boyfriend... it’s probably just the difference in maturity/gaming ability from then to now, but ANYWAY: i am so glad to have met you. you’re one of the first people in the community i’ve really connected with, and you’re an awesome person who i’d love to roleplay with regardless of muse. i’ve got a virtual high five right here waiting for you. o/

@pseudxcode syd, god bless your chihiro, honestly. he’s such a sweet little guy and i love his interactions with chiaki! of course i’ve always been a fan of these two together (even when she’s NOT an AI created by him), because their talents complement each other so well! they’re good for each other. i’d love to see more chiaki & chihiro action, especially if it involves chiaki encouraging him and reassuring him that he’s not as weak as he thinks he is.

@kibcu / @krclowa we only recently started talking but you’re such a welcome addition to thotchat, liz! take that as you will. this one’s probably gonna be a bit short but im looking forward to platonic naenami interactions and ur sonia too! aunty nanami’s gonna babysit the hell out of those naegi kids (aka give them all smartphones and sit back and relax)

@synthxsizxr GOOD IDOL, BEST SISTER, AKI LOVES HER HARU even if she really doesnt understand the idol lifestyle like, at all. chi, you yourself are very sweet and kind, it’s wonderful having you here in this community! i hope you’re having a lot of fun with your talentswap chiaki and i hope 

@relixum / @lxckyclovers: i hope you two don’t mind that i put you together here. i know you’ve been busy with school lately (good luck with that, by the way!!) but i didn’t want you to think i forgot about you! you guys make a mom/dad/parental unit so proud. you’re wonderful writers and i hope you find happiness wherever you go. *bob belcher voice* you’re my family and i love you but you’re terrible, you’re all terrible.

@tcndcrloins levi you’re the other constant presence in thotchat and you’re such a fun person to have around. you’re so welcoming and comfortable in a sense that i never feel like i’m bothering you, and thats a pretty incredibly accomplishment considering how often i convince myself im annoying. get those drafts done, i believe in you!!

@delinqueon avery, you were probably the first person within the community i talked to one on one, and thank god you approached me because at that point i never would have had the courage to speak up! your leon is such a delight to interact with and so are your other characters. one day you’ll get me back for making you read the bee movie script out loud for fifteen minutes.... one day

@betraycd last but not least, first i have to thank fin for my current editing software that i still have yet to figure out even 10% of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but i’ll get there! fin, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i absolutely adore your souda, all of the time and effort you’ve put into his characterization and how you don’t ignore the uglier parts of his personality. he’s a lovely flawed boy and you really do him justice!

after word:

like any community with more than a few people, there have been ups and downs in the path few months. i wanted to add here as a general shout out that i have never felt so welcome and loved in a community that i originally would have thought would be more disjointed than what you might find on a forum. like, i’ve changed a lot thanks to you guys! i’ve been able to get over some of the hurdles of my social anxiety (i didnt jump over them so much as drag myself across the ground and painfully crawl over them) and i just... i feel good? i feel like people like me? there are still times where my anxiety insists i’m nothing but a useless burden, but i actually... feel like people enjoy having me around? holy shit!

i made some really cool new friends and got to know a different kind of roleplay community. im overall incredibly grateful for this wild and weird journey i’ve been on, and the journey certainly isn’t over by any means! i hope to keep seeing you guys around!

these words really arent even enough to express my gratitude. i havent been to some really dark places, but there for a while i felt like i was almost completely alone. i simply wasn’t connecting with other people like i wanted to. about 3-4 years ago i lost contact with (long story) my roleplay partners of 4 years and it wasn’t an easy thing to recover from, but i’m here now and it’s just... really good! incredible, even!

komussy