#But I guess they sort of would—these versions that I’m writing at least

[incorrect-fnaf-quotes]

A Dr. Scraptrap fic for everyone? Yes :) I’m nervous, but I still really wanted to do this one.

Title: Didn’t Want To Be Her

Description: The rabbit wishes that he hadn’t stepped out when he had—or, that he had brought her with him.

Scraptrap stared at the creation of his laid across the table, smirking. He messed with a few of the items that were strewn about.

Ever since he began working on her, he chose to keep her in one of the more secure rooms of the building.

After all, she was one of his more... lengthy, projects—it would be an annoyance if something were to happen, and he’d have to start all over.

‘Scrap Baby.’ That was the name that the rabbit had chosen to call the clown. A fitting and nice name, he’d thought.

Progress is going well... He mentally noted, chuckling to himself. Soon—Scraptrap was certain—soon, she’d finally do what he wanted her to.

If not for some complications, the rabbit assumed that she would have been finished years ago. He supposed the substitutes were fine.

“Scraptrap.” Spring Bonnie’s voice finally broke the silence. It almost sounded like they were trying not to laugh. Not doing that amazing. Scraptrap thought.

“What? What is it?” He turned away from the clown, and to his right, where the yellow rabbit had been standing.

By the time he’d made the other rabbit his assistant, Scraptrap had already been making progress on Scrap Baby—albeit rather slowly.

Of course, now Spring Bonnie was helping with her—but the scientist recalled, during the earlier days, that it had been completely different.

Not wanting any mistakes to happen with such an important project—one that was already having issues—he had Spring Bonnie deal with other, less important things.

He knew that the yellow rabbit was good at what they did—but he didn’t want to risk any potential mishaps when already dealing with a problem.

When he finally let the yellow rabbit join in on working on her, it had been a rather huge relief. Scraptrap was glad that he had chosen them for an assistant.

Before discovering the other rabbit, Scraptrap recalled having other choices, but couldn’t remember what any of them ever looked like, or their names.

His reasons for not wanting them varied—however, it was typically because they either seemed far too clumsy, or the rabbit just... didn’t like them.

Staring at Spring Bonnie, he noticed how they were pointing past him. Sighing, the rabbit turned after a moment.

The thing about the room they were in, was that it had a keypad attached on the wall, to the right of the door. He knew the code, as well as his assistant.

It was rather high up, too. And the rabbit was almost certain that he had never told the code to either Plushtrap or Elizabeth before.

...Which was why the scientist never expected this to end up happening. He stared at the sight in front of him, frowning.

Standing in the entryway of the now opened door, was Plushtrap, grinning excitedly. On his shoulders was Elizabeth, who must have entered the code.

Scraptrap sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “Children, how did you...”

“Get in?” Plushtrap tilted her head to the side, snickering.

“Sorry, Daddy!” Elizabeth started to get off of her sibling. “We saw Spring Bonnie enter the code earlier. We just wanted to see...”

Once they were sure she was off, Plushtrap grabbed her hand, and scurried into the room, approaching the other two rabbits.

“That’s Scrap Baby?” Plushtrap and Elizabeth stared up at her. The smaller rabbit started to move closer, only for Scraptrap to pick him up.

“Yes, yes.” Scraptrap nodded, ears twitching. “But you two shouldn’t be in here. You should be back in bed, you should be asleep.”

For a second, Spring Bonnie glanced at a nearby clock, before returning their focus on the three. “Why are you two up at one in the morning?”

“Why are you?” Plushtrap responded.

“Plushtrap, we’re still-“ The yellow rabbit had started, only for Scraptrap to move closer, and place a finger against their mouth.

“Spring Bonnie, take the children back to their room, now. I should finish up a few things.”

He’d started to hand the smaller rabbit over to his assistant, only for Scraptrap to stop when he felt a tug against his other hand.

“What is it, Elizabeth?” The rabbit questioned, looking down after a moment.

“Not Spring Bonnie.” She shook her head. “Could you come with us instead, Daddy? Please?”

The rabbit sighed. He glanced between her and the clown for a moment. “I still need-“

“And maybe tell us a story? Pleaseee?”

“Elizabeth, Spring Bonnie could take you to bed, and still tell you a story.” He answered. She just frowned.

“Their stories are shit.” Plushtrap piped up.

The two scientists were silent for a moment, before Scraptrap released a wheeze, and knelt down. Spring Bonnie just frowned.

Spring Bonnie placed their head in their hands. “Plushtrap, where did you-“ Scraptrap was still laughing.

Finally clearing his throat after a moment, Scraptrap turned to stare at the yellow rabbit. He raised a brow, grinning. “What ones have you been telling my children?”

Spring Bonnie groaned, ears lowering. “Well, I had certainly thought that they were good ones!”

Scraptrap stood back up, but not before reaching over, and picking up Elizabeth as well, who was quick to cling to him.

“Alright, alright.” He looked down at them, both grinning. “I’ll take you both back to your room, okay?”

“And a story?” Elizabeth asked.

The rabbit sighed. “And a story, yes, Eli. But you both have to stay and sleep after that, am I clear?”

Elizabeth nodded.

Plushtrap wasn’t saying or doing anything—except for having a rather mischievous grin plastered on her face. Elizabeth snickered.

Scraptrap narrowed his eyes. “Plushtrap, I know that look. Do not do whatever it is.” His voice was firm. “When we get back, stay. in. your. room.”

The two stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Plushtrap groaned loudly, lowering his head. “Fine!”

Scraptrap hummed lightly. As he began to leave the room with them, the rabbit glanced back for a moment. “Spring Bonnie, finish up for tonight.”

The yellow rabbit nodded.

_____

Halfway to where the room was located, Scraptrap heard the sound of snoring. Looking down, Plushtrap seemed to be the source.

While, admittedly, there were a ton of corridors and rooms in the building, Scraptrap never found himself getting lost.

He’d shown the others around a lot—but even then, the rabbit typically found Spring Bonnie or Elizabeth having trouble with the building.

Scraptrap was almost certain that, on occasion, Plushtrap would get lost... but she still seemed to find a way to wherever they wanted to go—just in... strange ways, he’d say.

There was a ceiling vent right above Scraptrap’s bed in his room. He remembered, one night, where it had opened, and Plushtrap fell out.

Finally reaching the room, Scraptrap managed to get the door after shifting Elizabeth and Plushtrap into one arm. Then, he stepped inside.

Moving over to the right side of the room, he slowly placed Plushtrap in his bed, the smaller rabbit still rather loudly snoring.

“Alright, Elizabeth.” The rabbit started making his way over to her bed. “Do you still want me to tell you a...”

Trailing off, Scraptrap looked down at her. She’d been quiet throughout most of the walk down to the bedroom—and he assumed she just hadn’t wanted to say anything.

Now, though, he knew that she had to have fallen asleep—most likely not that long after Plushtrap had, Scraptrap guessed.

He placed his daughter in her bed, pulling the covers over Elizabeth. A moment later, he gently placed a hand on her head, ruffling her hair.

“Sleep well, children.”

Removing his hand, the rabbit backtracked to the door, closing it behind him as he re-entered the corridor.

_____

Spring Bonnie groaned. Entering the code once again, they were greeted by the same thing—the keypad flashing red, followed by a beep, and the door remaining closed.

They typed it again once more. To their annoyance and confusion, the same thing occurred.

The yellow rabbit started to knock on the door after a second. “Scraptrap!” They called out. “Are you in there?? Something’s wrong with the door!”

A few seconds passed, before the door suddenly slid open after the keypad flashed green. Scraptrap was standing in the doorway.

He shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong with it, Spring Bonnie.” He stepped out of the way to let them enter the room.

“Well, then why wasn’t it working?” The yellow rabbit questioned, moving past the scientist.

“I changed the password earlier today.” He simply answered. He made his way over to the table that Scrap Baby was laid on.

Spring Bonnie followed him. “Was it because of Plushtrap and Elizabeth?”

Scraptrap sighed, and then nodded. “I didn’t want them to come in and mess with anything.” The rabbit answered. “Especially Plushtrap.”

“Mmm... I wouldn’t be surprised if she managed to find a different way inside.” Spring Bonnie commented. They didn’t see any vents or anything, though.

Standing in front of Scrap Baby, the old rabbit held a clipboard and pen, skimming through everything that was already written down.

“Mm...” Scraptrap picked up the pen attached to the clipboard, and began to circle a few things listed.

“How long have you been in here?” The yellow rabbit questioned.

“Oh.” Scraptrap started waving a hand around dismissively for a moment. “Since about... four in the morning, I believe.”

Spring Bonnie looked towards the only clock in the room. It read: 8:10 PM. Sighing, they looked away, refocusing quickly on the green rabbit.

“You’ve been in here for that long?” The yellow rabbit’s ears twitched, and they frowned. “I thought you must have gone to sleep this time.”

Scraptrap set the clipboard down, and glanced towards his apprentice. “Well, after putting Elizabeth and Plushtrap to bed, I worked on a few things in my room.”

He moved closer to the table that Scrap Baby was laid across. “Then, I returned here. We’re getting closer, Spring Bonnie.”

“You think so?” The yellow rabbit asked. Should still probably sleep, though.

“I know so.” Scraptrap hummed. He reached forward, picking up one of Scrap Baby’s arms, seemingly inspecting it. “No more delays...”

The old rabbit chuckled, smirking. He let go of the clown’s arm, carefully placing it back on the table. “It’ll all be worth it.”

“Is she even going to be living?” Spring Bonnie questioned. “So far, I’ve only seen Plushtrap. How are you going to make that happen?”

So far, no response from Scraptrap, but the yellow rabbit continued. “How did you exactly do that with Plushtrap, by the way, Scraptrap?”

They remembered meeting Plushtrap after she was finished—and actually alive, but it was one of the things that they hadn’t had a part in.

It wasn’t really something that Spring Bonnie knew the reason for, though—and they typically never bothered Scraptrap to know.

There was still no response from the old rabbit. “Scraptrap?” The yellow rabbit raised an eyebrow.

He just seemed to be staring off at a nearby wall—however, they noticed the rather large smirk on his face. His laughter wasn’t very quiet, either.

Spring Bonnie rolled their eyes. “I know that look. It involves Henry, doesn’t it? You’ll deal with him using this?”

Ears twitching, Scraptrap looked away from the wall, and towards his assistant. “Well...” He cleared his throat.

“A purpose, yes. I might send her to mess with Henry,” He answered, “But trust me, Spring Bonnie. There are so many more purposes...”

_____

The children had slept in late—by the time he and Spring Bonnie left the room, Scraptrap assumed that they could have still been asleep in bed.

If not for the fact that, while walking down the corridor, Scraptrap and Spring Bonnie could hear something from above them. “What was that?”

Shrugging, the old rabbit paused, and looked up. Right where he had stopped, there was a vent on the ceiling. Scraptrap just sighed.

He immediately held out his hands—and just in time, too. Seconds later, Plushtrap fell from it, and was caught before hitting the floor.

Spring Bonnie looked around a little bit. “Plushtrap, how do you even keep getting into those?” They questioned. “Scraptrap, maybe we should do something about that.”

The scientist ignored them in favor of his child—or, rather, children—as footsteps could be heard, before Elizabeth entered the same corridor.

“Could you please watch a movie with us?” She grinned.

_____

Scraptrap found himself back in Scrap Baby’s room. He didn’t plan on doing too much—there were just a few minor things on his list that he wanted to get done.

He’d put his children to sleep earlier—and about thirty minutes earlier, Spring Bonnie had gone to sleep, too. They seemed pretty tired.

The rabbit would have requested that they stay with him, and work on Scrap Baby, but with how tired Spring Bonnie had seemed... Scraptrap didn’t want anything going wrong.

Just as Scraptrap started to reach for something, he suddenly froze upon hearing a rapid series of knocks coming from the other side of the door.

“D-Daddy?” A muffled voice came from the other side. Elizabeth, no doubt.

For a second, Scraptrap glanced at the clock that rested on the wall. 10:10 PM.

Scraptrap made his way over to the door, quickly entering the code on the keypad, and watched as it quickly slid open. “Yes, Eli-“

Once it was open, Elizabeth rushed forward into the room, and hugged her father as tight as she could.

“Elizabeth...” Scraptrap stared down at her. He placed an arm around her, before kneeling down. “What happened, Elizabeth?”

Elizabeth didn’t let go of her father, her face buried into his chest now. When she spoke, the girl became muffled. “Nightmare...”

“You had a nightmare?” The old rabbit repeated.

Elizabeth silently nodded.

Wrapping both of his arms around his daughter, Scraptrap picked her up, while standing back to his full height.

“I... I don’t want to go back to sleep...” Elizabeth murmured.

Scraptrap sighed. He looked around the room for a moment, seemingly debating on something, before looking back at his daughter.

“Would you like to stay in here and assist me?”

_____

Remaining focused on the inside of the panel connected to Scrap Baby, Scraptrap cleared his throat, and held out his left hand.

“Elizabeth,” He spoke—voice raspy, yet gentle as he addressed his child. “Hand it to me now, please.”

With how everything was going, after this, the old rabbit would simply finish up for the night, before sending Elizabeth back to bed.

She’d mentioned that she had a nightmare, but hadn’t explained it—and Scraptrap himself hadn’t asked about it. Perhaps she’s forgotten now.

He was still holding out a hand expectantly, yet nothing happened. Scraptrap cleared his throat once more. “Elizabeth.” He repeated.

“Daddy, it’s not here.” His daughter replied. Frowning, Scraptrap looked away from the clown, and down at his daughter.

“It isn’t?”

Elizabeth shook her head, and Scraptrap simply sighed. “That’s strange... I could have sworn that I brought it in here earlier.”

He glanced towards the rooms door for a second, before returning to his daughter, and slowly kneeling down in front of her. Elizabeth began messing with her bow.

Scraptrap pointed towards the exit. “I’m only going to go out there for a moment to retrieve what I need, alright?”

She turned around to look when he pointed, but only for a second. “Elizabeth, can I trust you not to touch anything while I’m gone?”

He knew what it would be like if it had been Plushtrap—the rabbit would absolutely not be able to trust her to not do anything.

Smiling, Elizabeth nodded. “Uh-huh! I promise!”

“Good.” Scraptrap chuckled. He pat her head, before standing back up, and making his way over to the door, while Elizabeth watched.

It took him a moment to remember the new code. He was planning on writing it down somewhere—but just hadn’t done so yet.

He wandered through the corridor, before taking a left, and coming to a stop. The rabbit always happened to leave things in this area.

Right in the corner, was a massive table, and—not to his surprise, contained quite a lot of items messily strewn about. “I should probably fix that...”

He couldn’t have it too messy. Maybe what he was looking for was over there—at least that’s what the old rabbit was hoping for.

Approaching the table, he began looking at all of the items, hoping to find the correct one—all while making it more orderly.

“Scraptrap?” The scientist turned around upon hearing his assistant’s voice. They looked like they had just woken up.

“Ah, Spring Bonnie. Hello.” The old rabbit cleared his throat.

“What are you doing?” The yellow rabbit questioned, moving closer.

“Well, what are you?” Scraptrap said, raising an eyebrow. “I assumed you’d be sleeping.”

Then again, that was what he had assumed for Elizabeth—and she had been—at least until her nightmare occurred.

“Well, I was.” Spring Bonnie nodded. “But, you see, Plushtrap wanted-“

Before the yellow rabbit had the chance to finish, Scraptrap’s attention—as well as his assistant’s—was pulled towards an unsettling noise.

Albeit muffled, what sounded like a shriek could be heard from one of the other rooms—before promptly being followed by a soft thud.

The old rabbit’s eyes widened, and he unceremoniously dropped one of the items—it missed the table, and hit the floor with a clatter.

He knew where that was coming from—he knew who it had to be coming from. “Elizabeth?!”

Scraptrap rushed past Spring Bonnie, causing them to stumble back a bit. He could hear their footsteps, but paid them no attention.

“Elizabeth?!” Spring Bonnie’s voice was laced with concern, while they attempted to keep up with the other rabbit. “Scraptrap, what’s going on?”

They never thought that Scraptrap could be this fast—it was rather surprising. They were usually always able to keep up with him.

When the old rabbit came to a sudden stop in front of the door to enter the code, Spring Bonnie nearly ran straight into him, but managed to stop.

The first try, in his panic and worry, Scraptrap proceeded to get the new code wrong. The second time, however, he got it right.

Once the door slid open, both of the rabbit’s raced into the room, Scraptrap managing to enter first.

Looking around, everything seemed to be perfectly fine... until Elizabeth was spotted.

She was still where Scraptrap had last seen her—except, now, she was collapsed on the ground, motionless. Her back was facing them.

“Elizabeth!”

While Scraptrap rushed over to his daughter, kneeling beside her, Spring Bonnie remained where they were—frozen.

“Elizabeth?!” Scraptrap reached over, picking her up, and holding her close. She seemed rather pale, too.

“Scraptrap, what happened?!”

“I don’t know!” Scraptrap hissed. He didn’t turn to look at his assistant, only staying focused on his daughter. Does it look like I do?!

He hadn’t been gone for very long—he assumed when he returned, everything would be the same as he had left it.

Had she accidentally or purposely touched something? Elizabeth was laying rather far from Scrap Baby, though, he noted.

“Pulse. Pulse. Pulse..” Scraptrap began quietly repeating to himself, trying to find and check just that.

Some of the areas—mainly the corridors, had cameras—but this room was one of the many that didn’t have any. It wasn’t like he could check those to see what happened.

Spring Bonnie still remained where they were. From the corners of their eyes, they thought they saw something move. Just my imagination...

“She’s breathing...” Both of the rabbit’s sighed in relief. Slowly, Spring Bonnie started to make their way over.

Scraptrap kept his daughter close to him, not letting go. What happened, Elizabeth? He frowned.

Once reaching Scraptrap and Elizabeth, Spring Bonnie crouched down, ears lowered. “...You know, maybe... maybe we should-“

“D... Daddy? Spring Bonnie?” Elizabeth. That was Elizabeth’s voice—Scraptrap certainly knew that. They both knew that.

He was staring at his daughter, though. Her mouth didn’t move—she seemed to be unconscious. His daughter in his arms didn’t say that.

Was it his imagination? Scraptrap shook his head at that thought. Spring Bonnie seemed to have heard it, too. Not just him.

“Daddy?” The voice repeated. It was coming from behind the two of them.

Turning around, Scraptrap and Spring Bonnie were greeted by the sight of Scrap Baby. She was sitting up, frowning, and staring at the two of them.

“Elizabeth...?” The rabbit whispered. He started glancing between her and the body that he held in his arms. Spring Bonnie was silent.

His grip on Elizabeth’s motionless body tightened, while he met the terrified and confused eyes of just who was in the clown.

“Oh no.”

[writingwithfolklore]

5 Writing Rules I Like to Break

                Listen, I am firmly of the belief that writing doesn’t have rules. There’s no one way to do it—no one schedule or technique or tip that’s going to work for everyone and produce perfect narratives. Which is a good thing! I think if we all had to write exactly the same way, our stories would end up looking very similar.

                So while in general I tend to say throw out any and all rules (and yes, even including the advice I give on this blog if you so desire), here’s 5 common writing rules I specifically and intentionally break, and why:

1. Write what you know

I already talked all about how I tend to ignore this advice here if you’re interested. The TLDR version of it is that you can absolutely write things beyond your scope of knowledge (in fact, I’d guess that’s where the majority of fiction comes from) as long as you write it genuinely—this rule should be instead ‘write what you feel’.

2. Don’t edit as you write

Booo!! Okay maybe it works for some of you—if so, by all means continue (this applies to all the rules I’m about to mention, so just keep that in mind). Editing as I go is how I get back into the swing of things in a new writing session, and also allows me to try a scene a few different times to get the most I can out of it. I tend to believe that words are words even if they’re edited, rewritten, or even deleted.

If your goal is to finish your project as fast as possible, I imagine going back to edit before you’re finished your draft might slow you down. However, I also imagine editing as you go might save you an entire draft. Whatever works for you here is what you should do, but I personally love to edit as I write.

3. Avoid ‘said’

At least I think a lot of you guys are with me when I say that ‘said’ is sometimes just the best word to use. Using lots of descriptive words like, ‘yelled’, ‘begged’, ‘exclaimed’ can be distracting. When the dialogue speaks for itself, the ‘said’ disappears into the background of the scene, while necessary for grammar, it’s a formality for the actual storytelling. As well, I like to experiment with said by adding a descriptor afterwards. ‘Said quietly’ ‘said through a laugh’ ‘said without taking a breath’ etc.

4. Avoid adverbs

Here’s what I’ll say about word usage in general, as long as you pick your words with thought and care, you may use whatever words you want. Words have different specific connotations, and not always will avoiding the adverb have the same impact. For example, changing “he laughed lightly” to “he giggled.” We may have removed the adverb ‘lightly’, but ‘giggled’ holds a completely different connotation. It evokes a sort of immaturity, not unlike the ‘schoolgirl’ stereotype. If we don’t want that connotation, in this case, laughed lightly may be better.

                So don’t count out adverbs for the sake of it. As long as you’re choosing your words with intention and you understand the meaning behind them, you can experiment with a world of adverbs!

5. Never use passive voice

This one I didn’t realize was important to break until quite recently. We tend to be taught that passive voice automatically equals bad and I’m here to tell you that isn’t true. Passive voice should equal focus on action. Active voice equals focus on character. There may be certain sentences in which focusing on either the character or the action is more beneficial.

For example, “the alarm was pulled by Alice” (passive) kind of sounds clunky and wrong, whereas “Alice pulled the alarm” (active) is much more effective.

BUT “Alice was dragged out of the way” (passive) focuses on the action of Alice being dragged, rather than “Something dragged Alice out of the way” (active) focuses on the something that is doing the dragging, which in a moment of action, may take away from the pacing.

As long as you choose your voice with intention, both passive and active voice can be used to create strong, effective sentences.

                What are some typical writing rules you tend to ignore?

[kosmicdream]

I love manga and comics, but I gotta say. So many of the series i have found most influential to my work either won’t finish, have not finished, or finished in a sort of unsatisfying way. Even if they’re fine, its usually not like.. IT. This is a pretty common experience. I have had a lot more luck watching movies that have endings that felt worth the experience and I’ve started to try to read in hopes to get more exposure to “good endings”.. But i do wish it was more common in my favorite medium to like, have that experience! Even when the endings are pretty good (and there are some, i personally think “paradise kiss” had a great ending that makes me return to the series multiple times over the decades) - I also am like.. I dunno. Its never the highlight of the story, you know. Its not the main reason why you’d read it, is the ending. I would assume most stories across all mediums, the ending isn’t going to be the “best part” anyway. However, after finally finishing watching UTENA earlier this year, I can say that at least for that series (no movie spoilers pls, i still havent seen it ;n;) the ending was in fact, the best part to me and made the entire experience even more memorable and worthwhile to watch. Months later, I’m still kinda amazed that happened! Wish it was not so rare, but also what a treat to get to see something like that felt like what i think an ending to a story should be. Still not a manga/comic ofc, but y’kno. Still good.

Other strong endings for me were: Paradise Kiss (as I said above), There will be blood, Monster, NGE (specifically end of evangelion) … umm!  I don’t know.. Is that really it for me? I like the 98’ Trigun end, but i also hated it as a teenager. So its more of a “nostalgic” one to me, same with Princess Mononoke. I’ll include those just for the sake of having more to think of. There’s plenty more i am fine with and enjoy fine enough.. but i guess its a lot harder for me to find ones that last in my head as what i find to be a satisfying & impressive end.. Of course, endings are all based on taste. Maybe i just haven’t seen enough endings. I think this contributes, along with a plethora of other elements, why writing endings are so hard! There’s just a lot you want to say and it is such a long journey to get there anyway. You are filled with doubt with your executions of ideas, or maybe find the ending you thought of less satisfying than you used to think it was. The longer you spend with something, the more you might find issues. Plus, it really is so hard just to get there. You’re usually falling over with exhaustion just to get to the finish line, let alone do the ending of your dreams. I know when i get to the ends of my chapters, i’m usually so desperate just to get there, i end up feeling like they come out poorly vrs my vision for them. 

Yes.. i have been thinking about endings a lot. Its just something that’s always on my mind, with NRD nearing its close. It still is going to take time of course, but as I revise the last chapters I’m still like left with a lot of feelings with wondering how it’ll come out, if i can even do it, ect. I know i will, its inevitable. But after that, well, my big struggle with FFAK will continue. I know that NRD has given me more tools to handle a series as long as FFAK, but its still getting older and it can be harder to understand all the things I wanted to say with it, what I still can say with it and what is the most valuable to say with it. I can’t do everything! And i certainly have more ideas for it than I could draw, I’m excited to have the story close too. Before it used to make me too upset to even think it i’d cry.. But now i’m like yeah! I wanna know too. I want to share what I thought of, even if its not what readers might have thought it was going to be like. Honestly, with every choice i make in the story, i always have had at least 1 or 2 other options, and I get attached to the other versions of the story that i dont get to make. They all end up very different ends, but still more or less the same story regardless. 

Anyway, just some thoughts on writing and comics today…

[moongurl95]

7 Times the Charm

GN!MC / May or may not be an alternate version of a long fic I'm working on, but I've hit a writing rut and this prompt by @serpensortiamaxima (this is dedicated to you too OP!) got me churning out this piece until 4AM (now i can sleep with my brain empty! XD) also divider credits here

Summary: It was no secret that the Three Broomsticks can also be considered a social gathering for the latest news, and Sirona Ryan, the owner was at the neck of it. Or, a glimpse of a blooming relationship she'd observed since that Troll Attack in Hogsmeade. (One-shot also posted on AO3)

“Oh, there’s a face I haven’t seen before.” This may be the first time Sirona Ryan’s memory seemed to have failed her as she was confident in remembering her clientele.

“It’s my first time here.” The student had replied almost sheepishly, which explained everything to the bar owner. Of course, she’d heard about the latest talk in the streets of a Hogwarts student having been caught in a dragon attack.

“Welcome! Butterbeers on me.” Sirona assumed that the student was a transferee, after all, she’d never heard of a student starting this late in their Hogwarts education. “Glad to see you two escape injury.” She glanced between the two students with growing worry, having planned to check on the other shopkeepers and residents once the crowd had buzzed down from the recent Troll Attack in Hogsmeade.

“Thanks to this one. Single-handedly took down a Troll!”

“Is that right? Well done.” Of course Sirona couldn’t take the Sallow boy’s claim seriously, not when she was sure of the way the boy had looked admiringly at his new classmate. Before she could decide to play matchmaker however, they were interrupted by some brutes’ arrival.

The second time Sirona next saw the pair was on a relatively calm day in the Three Broomsticks, she considered herself not eavesdropping at all while the two students had quite the passionate discussion over a round of Butterbeer.

“Honestly! Why do you have to trouble yourself on a trip to get something for my sister? Anne wrote she’d be delighted by your very presence alone.”

“Because Sebastian, it’s common courtesy to bring a gift when visiting your friend’s family.”

Now this seemed to be a development. Sirona had to keep herself looking busy as she wiped away at the mugs on the counter, casting a knowing glance by the corner table to quickly spy the flustered look on the Sallow boy’s face.

Sirona could only hope to Merlin that his ‘friend’ fancied him the way he seemed to.

In exchange for asking her assistance on where to find her friend, Lodgok, Sirona in turn thought to request the new student’s help in retrieving her box of letters. Though she never would have predicted they’d also come as a pair this third time around.

“I’m not letting you go alone. And for Merlin’s sake, why a mine of all places? Do you happen to know what sort of creatures could possibly live there??”

Sirona could only watch in amusement as the Sallow boy was being pushed out by his classmate in an attempt to shush him, “Alright, alright – I’ll tell you all about it on the way. Just get going so we can at least finish this while there’s still sun out.”

The door to the Three Broomsticks had shut after their departure so Sirona could only guess how the rest of their day would go. One thing was for sure though, if she’d initially thought the Sallow boy only fancied his new friend before, then now Sirona was absolutely certain the boy was now smitten.

Maybe there was good reason to owl Mirabel after all, nothing better than an entertaining chat about young love over tea.

The next time Sirona served Butterbeer to the new student at the counter, she was half expecting them to be with a familiar face. Instead, they sat alone, looking quite under the weather as they seemed to stare unseeing into the tankard, Sirona was just about ready to lend a listening ear after she’d served all the other customers’ orders when the student had stood up just as a familiar Slytherin entered the premises.

Sirona was quick to notice the two of them weren’t on speaking terms as they passed by each other – the Sallow boy taking the stool beside where his friend just left. She chose to quietly serve him his share of Butterbeer before she continued to keep busy.

“Sirona, would you apologize if you said something… true but ended up sounding… mean?”

So that was how it was… “Well dear, first of all, it’s not what you said, but how you made them feel. So yes, an apology should be expected.”

“But… how?”

Sirona raised an eyebrow at him as if to say the answer should be obvious enough, but ended up sighing in exasperation as the boy looked pitifully at a lost, “If you aren’t ready to tell them personally, then a letter might suffice, and don’t make it just a simple apology either – at least, offer to take them somewhere you’d think would be meaningful to them.”

“A letter! That’s just it, of course!” Sirona watched as the boy waved his hand in thanks as he rushed out the doors, she hoped everything would turn up for the better the next time she saw those two together.

It didn’t however, for just days before the 5th, Sirona herself had received an unmarked letter notifying her of Lodgok’s passing – his gentle soul did not deserve the fate he was dealt with by his brother’s hands. Yet also here in her supposedly lively pub, sat another lost soul who she dearly tried to keep from straying to the Hog’s Head by keeping the Sallow boy’s tankard refilled with Butterbeer.

She’d heard he just lost his uncle and that the Sallow girl also informed him late, the poor twins were now left all alone.

And just when Sirona felt the boy slipping away, from the doors came in a face who she hoped would be successful in reeling Sallow from his darkest thoughts.

“Sebastian!”

Sirona was glad to see the boy encased in a hug, he dearly looked like he needed one…

“You’re safe now. I promise, I wouldn’t let them take you away.”

It may have well been a secret language only the two students shared with each other, but Sirona was nonetheless relieved to see the boy’s shoulders relax, the undeniable soft sob that escaped him was a sound that would forever tug at her heart.

And it seemed that heart wrenching sob echoed around the wooden panels of her establishment as the once lively pub was filled with students of varying years, all of which ranged from sniffling for their parents to a quiet uncertainty that loomed over the older ones.

Hogwarts was under attack, and despite how Sirona herself could not believe such a situation would even come about, the evacuated students who took shelter in the Three Broomsticks were enough to leave her unsettled for what was to come.

“Sirona! Are they here? Did they at least stop by here?” She could only shake her head in response, clearly seeing the Sallow boy was distraught.

“Sebastian! We have to settle ourselves and wait for Black’s announcement –“

“They could still be there, Ominis!” His next words were barely audible but somehow Sirona managed to catch a hint of it, “What if they’re fighting for their lives – alone? Against a Goblin Rebellion!”

“Attention, students!” Black did make an announcement right after that, clearing his throat as if today was a normal occurrence, “I am proud to announce that my esteemed faculty has handled the – uhm… rebellion. Yes, the Goblin rebellion – wait, what was that?”

Everyone seemed to hold their breath as a House Elf seemed to whisper the latest news to his master, who gasped out as if he was scandalized, “A casualty you say???”

Sirona felt her heart drop at the sudden news, she could only watch as Sebastian Sallow all but rushed out of the doors, fearing for the worst.

Fear melted like snow from a season past, and while Spring came a bit too late for those who grieved, the flowers still bloomed.

The Three Broomsticks was once again abuzz with an energy of celebration and nostalgia – students crowded with relief at having survived their O.W.L.s and others were busy planning their summer ahead – two of which Sirona couldn’t help but approach, “Butterbeers on me, to the Hero of Hogwarts.” She’d winked before leaving the pair in their usual spot by the counter, not really meaning to overhear…

“So… I heard Fig left you a place in his will, back to London it is for you then?”

“Yes… and Feldcroft?”

“Can’t say I relish the thought of spending summer by myself, but I have a way to keep busy by doing some odd errands here and there, I suppose.”

“What would you say to a ticket to London?”

“What..?”

“I was only really planning to spend a few weeks there, fix some things that need to be done and well… spend some time in Feldcroft with you… if you’ll have me?”

“Of course! I – but why even take me to London – not that I’m complaining but –“

“Because I care, Sebastian. I – care about you… very much.”

Sirona couldn’t keep herself from spying a glance then, very happy to see the pair both sporting flustered faces. It may have taken a while, but there wasn’t a perfect time than any to start anew.

[nicosraf]

What was ur thought process into making or developing Samyaza?? Or all of the watchers..I’m like 50% into the book and he’s hypocritical to me like he makes these back handed remarks abt azazel having a man but like does it matter cause you all are sinners in the eyes of god and it seems he wants to get rid of everybody on earth so far

It seems like most of the watchers still hold some type of bias towards the “sinners” of Heaven for being a “whore” but you guys aren’t even in heaven (and won’t be treated the same when u return) and you guys are doing the same thing :/ even having tons of babies like did you guys even think abt this being a possibility???

I feel like this is an unpopular opinion but I kinda dislike Samyaza it seem like after everything that’s happened he still doesn’t try to see different view points on life on earth apart from his. He chalks up Armoni not particularly liking his wife (that he was practically forced to marry) as just Armoni being his usual distasteful self. :(

I may just have to reread a couple of pages to try and understand Samyaza or any of the the watchers. But I LOVE your works and I think they’re amazing and I didn’t want this to come off as passive aggressive I guess I’m just confused abt some of these characters since I don’t think like they do

I realized this just seems like a rant but still you’re writing is AMAZING💕💕💕 you’re really inspiring as a writer 😋

a&m spoilers

Hello! I'm curious if your thoughts have changed since you sent this ask, but disliking Samyaza definitely isn't a minority opinion!

I think almost all my betas disliked Samyaza at the start, but they all liked him by the end. I think, for most readers, Samyaza is hypocritical, selfish, and etc., but the amount he suffers by end makes it so that.... well, yes, Samyaza might be a bit aggravating at times, he definitely didn't deserve any of what happens. And he does change as a person, at least I think so.

The story of Enoch sort of lends itself to the interpretation of a husky, tortured fallen angel who sweeps a beautiful woman off her feet and has to choose between her or God, his Father. I like to say this is the version of Samyaza that I would have been able to write if I wasn't as gay as I am, but my reasoning for not making him that is a little more complicated.

I like writing hypocrites, and I liked the idea of an angel that saw his struggle similar to a woman's, feeling a solidarity with her instead of just sexual attraction. One part of Enoch that always struck me is the passages about the Watchers crying and begging Enoch to talk to God for them. I thought the angels being unsure or not really knowing that this would make God as mad as it did was interesting. I liked the idea of him being an angel associated with water because of his role in the flood, so I made him a lesser angel of healing. I can go on and on.

In my original concepts of A&M (YEARS ago), I intended for Samyaza to be much more of a bad person, almost an antagonist to Azazel. But as I outlined, I started falling in love with this version of him.

Btw, it's okay if you dislike Samyaza and even dislike him after finishing the book. Not all characters have to be loved, and Samyaza would agree with you that he doesn't really deserve anyone's love or forgiveness after what he's done.

I can talk more about the Watchers if you like! I really like all of them :') Thank you for the ask! I'm happy you like my writing. I hope you enjoy the rest of a&m

[isabeljkim]

What the hell is going on with Day Ten Thousand:

Day Ten Thousand was weird enough that I felt like it deserved directors commentary, even though I’ve stopped explaining myself mostly except when I do.

Here’s a disclaimer before we begin: don’t read too much into it. I've noticed our culture wants to explain young womens’ art as some sort of public confessional booth and our current culture has a fetish for the autobiographical. Fuck that. I didn’t write three different POVs and three interlocking nonlinear narratives about the nature of storytelling as a psychic technology to be told that my writing isn’t a calculated Craft with a capital C. Now whether it is good Craft is a decision for you, not for me. 

Anyway. 

Day Ten Thousand is a satire of an Isabel story by way of Vonnegut pastiche. We’ll come back to this. 

I called Day Ten Thousand “psychoanalysis bait” on twitter so I shall put all my cards on the table so that your psychoanalysis is at least accurate. Note that these are only my cards, because other people deserve their privacy. I guess you could probably Google all of this but like, jeez. Don’t.

I had a pretty regular time in college except for the tangential deaths. 

When I was twenty, I was the opinion editor for my university newspaper and a girl who was a friend of a friend killed herself by walking in front of a subway. There was then a sort of a small suicide bubble which was a little bit public because we were an Ivy, and one of my opinion columnists was kinda suicidal, and I, without any training, ended up in charge of writing a front page editorial about the mental health crisis on campus on account of the dead kids, etc, and talk to administration about the dead kids. 

I hate talking about dead kids. Don’t ask me about it, or about the reporting. I don’t want to talk about it. 

The whole thing sucked shit and it’s why I’m a lawyer now and not a reporter. 

If this was a story that would be the only fact, but this is reality so I have to mention that a couple years later a guy I knew got literally hate crimed and murdered in a forest. I found out about that because I saw his friend crying in public and didn’t stop to ask what was wrong. Later I heard about this in the news, and realized my acquaintance had been Literally Fucking Murdered. A few months ago I had been arguing with him in the literary magazine editors meeting about whether a poem was good or not. I think he won that argument. Then he was murdered for being gay. 

These were my introductions to the specific emotion of “sometimes people die and you don’t feel like you get to feel bad about their deaths and you still think about it a couple times a month seven years later.” 

You can probably guess where the subject material of this story came from.

Day Ten Thousand was a story about inevitable deaths, and the difference between a death in a story and a death in reality, and about…the way a death marks a narrative and a real life and how it becomes fictionalized over time. I also saw a clean way to finally do my deep time / far future story, which was something I had been thinking about on and off for a couple of years (the original version was about a shaman in the deep-time era who has a vision about having to do a murder re: preserving genetic material for the future, but it never really gelled in a way that made sense). 

I had also been wanting to write something a little metafictional, because I felt like I was writing the same story over and over (if you’ve noticed my stuff getting weirder, that’s why. I was on a bit of an experimentalist kick late last year and early this year). 

So it’s a satire of an Isabel story. I’m self-aware enough to note my obvious recurring motifs: time travel, dead people, grief, people who have a weird relationship to each other, a third-act twist, the tendency to punctuate with in-universe facts to imply emotion, to tell x in order to show y, egregious and blatant use of the second person. And then there’s the stuff that you wouldn’t know, but I do: I dislike writing in the first person, I wanted to do something nonlinear, I think a lot about stories about stories, about the idea of a story as a technology, I find myself dropped into recursive fate-like thought patterns. So a lot of this story is both my self-deprecating poking fun at myself and my habits, and also my thesis statement about…what is the point of fiction if not to make sense of the past and the future, I suppose.

The reason it is a Vonnegut pastiche is because I like Vonnegut a lot and I was trying to do something Slaughterhouse-5-ish with drastically less fucked source material. Sorry Kurt. 

There are three stories happening in Day Ten Thousand, and a secret fourth story. Each story is a suicide loop. The protagonist is trying to break a specific loop by telling a story. This story is about accepting what you have to, and changing what you can. This is a story about letting go and also not letting go. The emotional range of each narrative affects the other psychically, because by changing the vibe of the metanarrative, the individual narratives are allowed to change. 

The story in the archaic is a story that is being told postmortem, it is all hypotheticals based on fact. The story in the future is a singular narrative happening in real time until it isn't. And the story in the present is a guy telling the story about the future, which requires him to tell the story about the past as well, and mostly what Dave is doing here is avoiding the question, but it reflects how Dave thinks about the girl dying in front of the train. 

Does that make sense? No? That’s fair. That’s a postmortem explanation of what actually happened. What actually happened is that I rewrote Day Ten Thousand six times, each time more frustrating than the last, each time with the neutral-ish narrator taking up more and more air. And over time the narrator became a participant, and that’s what created the secret fourth story between “you” and the narrator. 

I had thought there were only three loops that needed to be escaped - the past (archaic, pinned story), and the future (space station, mutable fact), and that the present (the narrator’s world) was something that was static (pinned fact). After all, the girl’s already dead. She’s already stepped in front of the train. 

But the narrator isn’t doing so hot. The narrator is also Dave. And the narrator is telling the story to someone. Somewhere between version one and version six, I realized the only version of this story that makes sense is the one where the story is a conversation, and that you and I, as the narrator and the person at the other end, were also in a loop. 

So. That's whats happening.

I’m not sure if I love the ending. But I rewrote it six times and this one felt as final as it is going to get. I am done reinventing the fucking wheel. You know how it is with spaghetti. Promise I’ll write you something normal next time, I think I’ve gotten the avant- garde out of my system for a few months. 

And hey, I know I said all cards on the table but people deserve their privacy and that includes the kid i used to be when I was twenty, sitting in the shitty little windowless opinion column office, writing about suicide. 

Anyway. Day Ten Thousand is about stuff and things. Themes. So it goes. 

Thanks for reading. I’ll see you later. 

If that was too depressing for you, here are some fun facts: 

The main character is Dave after 2001: A Space Odyssey because I had wanted to make a “I’m sorry Dave I can’t do that” joke, but I couldn’t shove it in :( 

I just thought that phlebotomist was a funny word but I also fucked myself because I misspelled it every time. 

I reread half of Slaughterhouse Five to write this but then my copy got returned to the library automatically so I didn’t finish it. (yes, I’ve read it before, like three times)  

I took one single evolutionary anthropology course in college and it shows.  

I did end up looking at the wikipedia page for “the wheel” for this and then wondering exactly what I was doing with my life. 

About half the facts in this are real, and I read a couple of papers for a couple of things in it (that I promptly then ignored), but the rockets-rome-horse’s ass thing is specifically a story that my friend Max H. likes to tell. 

[spiderdramaqueen]

so, i’m finally writing a post about my ren/doc/red king/martyn au i mentioned here.

it’s called complementary quartet au (or cq!au for short), because Ren’s and Red King’s color is red, while Martyn’s and Doc’s is green, which are complementary colors on color wheel.

in this au, traffic life and hermitcraft are different universes. also only third life happened at the start of the au.

cq!au is set in season 9, during Ren’s king arc. rift that grian found doesn’t lead to empires. instead, one day, Red King (RK for short) and his Hand come out of there. mentally, they’re still red lifes. so needless to say they’re pretty hostile to the new server, especially to the players who ‘were’ in third life. besides, it’s hard for them to believe that on this server you can respawn infinite amount of times and you don’t have to battle to death.

and then they meet Ren and Doc, and new problems arise…

okay, let’s start with relationship chart at the beginning of an au.

now let’s examine every pair closer.

Ren and Doc. these two are in established relationship at the start of cq!au. but they’re kinda in a fight because of Ren’s kingship. Doc didn’t declare Perimeter’s independence yet tho. Ren and Doc didn’t took an official break in their relationship or anything, but they started seeing each other less than before and there is some sort of tension between them at the moment. they both miss each other, but too stubborn to actually talk it out.

RK and Martyn. they’re in love with each other, but didn’t talk about it yet! it seems that everything is good between them, but meeting Ren changed things. Martyn is trying to get closer to Ren. seeing this, RK… he doesn’t feel jealous (…it’s a lie), but he’s… thinking. he doesn’t think that Ren is a good king, but at least he’s living on a peaceful server and has a lot of friends (while RK has only enemies and dead allies). so, he distances himself from Martyn, because he thinks it would be the best for his Hand. (at some point they have a conflict about it, but maybe i’ll elaborate on this in another post, because this one is getting long already. let me know if you’re interested i guess?)

RK and Ren. they’ve seen some pieces of each others’ lives in their dreams. things are VERY tense between these two at the start of an au. Red King despises Ren and think that he’s an unworthy ruler. secretly, RK’s also envious of Ren’s peaceful life and doesn’t know what to do with this feeling. meanwhile, Ren is a little bit scared of his alter version. but they grow closer to each other after RK and Martyn have a fight (again. i’ll need a whole another post for this)

Ren and Martyn. as i’ve already said, Ren and RK have seen bits of each other lives in dreams. therefore, Ren has seen Martyn in his dreams before. the most vivid dream was Martyn promising to “go through as many crits as he can” and then taking three painful swings of axe to kill him. so. Ren is wary of Martyn even tho he seems cool. at the same time, Martyn is very curious to get to know this version of his king better. he likes to spend time with Ren. eventually, Ren warms up to Martyn.

Doc and RK. oh, these are fun. their first meeting was literally RK attacking Doc. so, they start with some sort of rivalry. but in the end they both have a lot of fun with it. RK can blow off steam and his pent-up blood thirst with Doc. plus, he respects Doc as a worthy adversary. Doc was irritated with him at first, but now he enjoys thinking of new ways to counter RK’s attacks. though RK’s red life morality kinda unnerves him sometimes. when Doc declares Perimeter’s independence, RK supports him.

Doc and Martyn. probably the most chill guys here, they’re on a good terms. RK told Doc a lot about Martyn, so Doc thinks Martyn is a nice guy, even tho Martyn likes to mess with Doc every now and then. and Martyn heard a lot about Doc from Ren. he’s extremely curious to find out why he and Ren fell apart. these two also grew closer after rk-martyn argument.

so, even tho these four definitely have some troubles at the start, with some time they get to know each other better and overcome their problems and end up in a weird and funny polycule.

if you have questions or just want to talk about cq!au, my askbox and dms are open!

i actually have more bits about cq!au scattered in my friends’ dms lmao, so i think i might post some of them later too. i also drew some stuff for this au but idk. don’t really like these scribbles.

[specialagentlokitty]

Thomas Barrow x sister!reader - always protect you

Hey girl! Can i request a Thomas Barrow x sister!reader where the reader takes a job at downtown after her last place of work didn't treat her well at all and Thomas is fairly excited to see his sister after so many years (well as far as excitement goes for barrow😂) but she's completely changed so like she's quiet and get's startled easily and generally just a shell of the person she used to be until Thomas can get out of her why she is like she is now? If you're unable to write this no worries! Thanks for taking the time to read ❣️- Anon💜

Of course when a new house maid was starting the rest of the staff were told right away.

When Thomas heard the name and the job history he immediately knew who it was, he knew it was you.

He was excited, but he didn’t let anybody else know that, but he did make sure to go out and get a few things that he knew you used to enjoy.

But when you arrived he almost second guessed himself.

Yes it looked like you, but it wasn’t you.

Not the you that he knew, that he grew up with.

The happy, bubbly, outgoing version of you was gone, you were quiet, you patiently listened while being spoke to and you only spoke when you were asked a question.

Thomas kept his distance until it was just you two in the servants hall, and he walked over to sit next to you.

“It has been a while.” He said.

You glanced up from your book and nodded, then went back to reading.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing special.”

Thomas hummed a little bit, nodding his head.

“Then why will you not talk to me?”

“I don’t have much to say.” You replied.

Thomas sighed a little bit.

“You always used to have so much to say, even when nobody asked you to.”

“People change. I must be going to bed, good night.”

You stood up, and Thomas narrowed his eyes.

“Wait.”

You stopped and he walked over to the corner of the room, moving something and pulling out a small box, bringing it over to you.

“These were your favourite as a child.”

You set the box on the table and opened it, looking at the small stuffed toy, a few candles, some matches, and a beautiful necklace.

You glanced at him, handing the box back to him.

“I am not a child anymore, return them and keep your money. Save it.”

“Will you at least hug me?”

You said nothing and walked away.

Sighing, Thomas watched as you left.

Never had you refused to hug him, you used to love giving hugs even when he didn’t want to give you one.

Thomas watched as you seemed to find it hard to adjust to the new working environment.

You were quick about your tasks, working to a strict routine, but you were jumpy. Almost nervous around everybody.

You didn’t eat with them.

You didn’t talk with them.

You didn’t even want to spend any kind time with anybody, though you would tolerate some time with Thomas at the end of the days.

He had spent weeks asking you questions, some you answered, some you ignored.

His kept asking about the how and why of your change, but you wouldn’t respond to him.

But when you had dropped something and panicked, that’s when he couldn’t ignore it any longer.

Grabbing your arm he took you outside.

“You need to tell me what happened. Now.”

“I’m sorry…” you whispered.

Thomas closed the door and he looked at you, tears in your eyes, tense, staring down at the ground.

“It’s alright.”

He walked over, placing his hand on your shoulder.

You snapped your head up towards him with fear in your eyes.

“It’s okay. Nothing was broken, nobody was hurt.”

“It was a mistake…”

“We know it was, nobody is a very with you…” he whispered.

He slowly reached out, wrapping you in a hug, and for the first time you hugged him back tightly.

Thomas placed a hand on the back of your head.

“It’s okay…”

For the first time since you had arrived you had showed some sort of emotion, you had trusted him.

Now, he could only hope you would trust him a little bit further.

“Tell me what happened..”

You nodded a little bit, and you both walked inside, sitting in the empty servants hall, and you told Thomas everything.

You told him how back your previous employer was, what they did and everything that happened.

And he was furious.

“Please do not be angry with me…”

“I’m not angry with you, of course not. None of this was your fault.”

He hugged you again and sighed heavily.

“You are safe here, I will make sure nobody hurts you like that again.”

You sniffled and nodded, clinging on to him for dear life.

You needed your brother, you needed him to protect you. You would always need him.

And he was there to protect you, he was always going to protect you

[sweetqueerinthesummer]

evermore and the regrets

Before reading this analysis I would recommend researching the theory about the failed coming out (I think this post from @sophietv is the best I've read on the subject), and reading my previous analysis of The Archer, since I consider these songs to be heavily connected (in my head they're sort of a trilogy with Dear Reader, which should be my next post).

Second thing, I’m not considering the lyrics to be from different pov even though it’s a duet, so even if i put in purple the lyrics that Bon Iver sings in the studio version, I don't believe that it has a particular meaning, but if you have another interpretation, I would be delighted to read it. ^^

A quick reminder of the timeline this is based on, just so we’re on the same page: Taylor would’ve hoped to come out on June 30th 2019 New York pride parade, but didn’t, probably because of the stealing of her masters. She then started really quickly to shift from the colorful Lover era to wearing mostly black, and performing pretty sad songs acoustically (go watch the Live in Paris and the BBC Live Lounge studio for example). It’s also the time where Taylor and Karlie may have broken up, from what I know, we don’t know for sure in what order the events happen, but it may be linked in some way, which might be adding to the pain she feels connected to that period. 

This song takes us through her journey, of understanding and accepting the way things turned out during the Lover era.

I would like to start by highlighting how she uses the imagery of winter (I put it in blue) in that song. She was supposed to come out in at the end of June, and this song is filled with cold, ice, winter, etc, which, I think, represent the way she felt like she was frozen in the closet, incapable to move and to join the queer community during the summer.

Gray November I've been down since July

It may seem obvious, but the beginning of July is the end of June, pride month, and as I said before, she wanted to come out on June 30th: July was exactly the time when she understood that she hadn’t been able to, and must’ve been a period of great doubt and regrets: she never got answer to the questions she asked in the Archer, she never got to see the outcome of all that anxiety she felt, it just didn't happen.

Motion capture Put me in a bad light

This is probably about the Miss Americana documentary, which was allegedly supposed to be a coming out documentary, and ended up being about her talking about politics. After the documentary, she never talked about politics in such an open and determined way again, which might put her in a tight position. The documentary is just another reminder of her “failure” (she might think of it that way, if you want my opinion, not being able to come out is never a failure on your part, it’s a failure from your environment to you), and puts her in a bad light at least in her own mind, since she backtracked right after.

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone Trying to find the one where I went wrong

She replays the events again and again, trying to understand where she made a mistake, where she should’ve acted differently. 

Writing letters Addressed to the fire

And she thinks, again, of all her coming out speeches she might have written (“I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you”, the Archer), with the bitterness of knowing that none of them were ever destined to become more than wishful thinking.

And I was catching my breath Staring out an open window Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

She fears that she’s never gonna overcome those regrets and that she’ll be stuck with these feelings forever. (I’ll develop a bit more on that part when i’ll reach the last chorus.)

Hey December

At the beginning of the song, we were in November, thinking about July. Here, time has passed, but she’s still caught in the winter...

Guess I'm feeling unmoored Can’t remember What I used to fight for

Here again, her not being out can be one of the explanations as to why Taylor stopped talking about politics as much as she did at some point. She can’t find the hope she had before, about her future and her life, and she may have lost the will to fight, feeling like if she wasn’t “even” able to come out, she wasn’t able to fight for anything else.

I think it could also mean that the breakup and/or everything that happened at the time made her lose her desire to come out in any way. 

I rewind the tape but all it does is pause On the very moment all was lost

She can’t understand where everything went wrong, she can’t remember what happened, how it happened, how she ended up where she is, the only thing she remembers is the feeling when she understood that she had “lost”, that she wouldn’t be able to win this.  

The way she says “all was lost” means – in my opinion – that she held so much hope, and that so much of her future was dependent on her coming out, that not being able to do it made her feel like lost everything she had worked for.

Sending signals

The beginning of the Lover era was probably one of the moments Taylor was the loudest about her queerness…

To be double crossed

…But in the end, she was betrayed and she couldn’t get through with it, she couldn’t actually act on these signals. In that situation, she was betrayed, but she could also feel like she betrayed those who understood what she wanted to do.

And I was catching my breath Barefoot in the wildest winter Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

Can’t not think of all the cost And the things that will be lost

The anxiety is still there, and she’s wondering if it’s worth it. She was sure it was, in the Archer, but now she isn’t anymore, she realized what she could lose, how much it would cost her. 

Oh, can we just get a pause? To be certain we'll be tall again

Can I just take time to think, to make sure that it’s still what I want, to be certain I won’t lose everything (again) if I end up doing it.

Whether weather be the frost Or the violence of the dog days I'm on waves, out being tossed

This seems to confirm that the the cold represent the closet: whether she stays frozen in the closet or she faces the violence of being out (a violence that echoes hundreds of years of oppression), she's not in full control. It’s something I’ll develop further in my analysis of Dear Reader, but at that point I think she realized that whatever she does, it’s gonna be at least in part determined by the society she lives in, its intolerance and expectations, and she understands that the closet does not have less worth, as a choice, because coming out is also something that is dictated by heteronormativity. This choice is deeply personal, either ways it’s gonna be hard, and she can finally take a decision without being afraid of “betraying” or “lying” to people. 

Is there a line that I could just go cross?

Is there a way for me to just get through with it and never have to think of it again, is there a rule I could break that would make it impossible for me to be mistaken, and for people not to understand who I am? The answer is no, whatever she does, her queerness will never be fully recognized and accepted. 

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you  In the cracks of light  I dreamed of you  It was real enough  To get me through And I swear  You were there

I *think* she’s talking to her fans here, the ones who wouldn’t have left, had she actually come out. The end of the song is a call for hope and she actually end it up in an optimistic way.

And I was catching my breath Floors of a cabin creaking under my step

In the first chorus, she’s “catching her breath / staring”, she is the most silent possible, voluntarily and she doesn’t move, she’s watching passively. Then in the second one, she’s “barefoot in the wildest winter” you can imagine the snow, she doesn’t make a sound when she walks, and the sound of the wind is covering her anyway, she could not be loud even if she wanted to, but the focus is back on her feet, she’s in movement but it doesn’t change anything, she isn’t able to make a sound. Now, the floor is creaking under her step, she’s back home, in a cabin and she can finally walk loudly without fear or being caught. Is it because she’s finally comfortable in the (glass) closet she now lives in, or because she intends to be fully out at some point, I don’t know, but the end of this song, I think, convey the feeling that she’s safe, or that she’s going to be, at some point.

And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn't be for Evermore

This goes with what I said before, she ends up accepting herself and stops seeing the failed coming-out as an irreparable mistake, she understands that it’s a period of time and that the way she felt at this specific moment will eventually fade out.

[baalzebufo]

A short piece of writing, from the perspective of Chip Revvington. A diary entry about dreams and fears.

---

---

ENTRY DATE: [REDACTED]

FILE ACCESS RESTRICTED. USER ACCESS REQUEST: [REVVINGTON, CHIP.]

.

ACCESS GRANTED.

.

LOADING [dreamdiary.txt]

---

So.

This all started when I was talking to Misty. She mentioned these 'dreams' she's been having, and I asked her about it. Said I think I'd been having them myself. She got all excited about that. Told me it might help me to write them down. To remember, or something. I don't see her that excited very often. So I figure I could at least humor her suggestion.

Who knows, maybe it’ll help. I’ll try anything at this point.

...

It starts outside the office. It's quiet, kind of overcast- the sort of day I’d usually love but I just have this feeling in my circuits that something isn't right. I walk in, past the secretary- doesn’t even look at me, but she never does- the elevator is down. Of course. I take the stairs. 

It's the longer, irritating route to my office, and it means passing through the other cubicles. Actually seeing the other suits who work here. And everyone there seems so jumpy. I know they're scared of me, but… it feels different. Worse than usual. It starts grating on me. A few flights up, I get frustrated. What’s gotten into them? So I ask some Yesman cowering by the oil cooler what the big deal is.

He looks right through me. Doesn't even hear me. Nobody does. I move up the stairs, try a few other offices. It's like… I'm some kind of ghost. Nobody sees or hears me.

It's… the dread sets in, then. Panic, a little. I run up more flights of stairs than they ever built in that office to get to mine. Burst the door down to get to the bottom of all this.

I'm sat in my chair.

Well… it's not me. I'm me. But a second me is sat there, working. Writing out pink slips methodically. Doesn't even glance up when I shout at him. I walk up, I'm yelling then- I don’t remember what I said. Something cruel, probably. I shove the papers off the desk. He looks up.

Have you ever… do you know what it's like? Looking into your own face like that? Knowing it's not really you? It's…

He stands up, and we're eye to eye. I feel like I can't move. He speaks in my voice.

'We don't need you anymore.' 

It's not my voice. Well, it is… But it's hollow. Something's missing. I know what I should sound like, and that... isn't it. It’s hard to describe how I know, but I just... something deep inside me knows. He reaches out. Grabs my neck.

It's only a second of hesitation and I'm against the desk and he's over me, and I can see his eyes are blank. There's nothing behind them. Nobody. And I…

I'm scared. I'm honestly scared for my life. Like... like I haven’t been for years. His blade's whirring and it's close enough to see my reflection in it- the real me, I mean. Wide-eyed and terrified.

'They want me, not you.'

And he just leans closer.

'They never wanted you.'

I… I know what he means. And I realize he's not some imposter or clone or… whatever, made to mess with me. He is me. He's the part of me they brought out on purpose. Just to fix their damn sinking profits. The me they stripped all of me out of. All the things I used to like doing… my friends, my hobbies, even little things I did on the job. Not necessary. Not efficient enough.

It's the empty version of me. The one they want. Just the Chainsaw Consultant.

I think I pass out then, sometime before his blade strikes mine. I don't think he kills me, or anything. Why would he? If he was there, then… he'd already won.

Wouldn’t make sense to kill a ghost.

I guess I wonder, if that happened… would there still be a version of me in there, somewhere? Wandering around like a dream and watching behind my own eyes. Not able to stop it. Not able to scream.

I wonder then, if that would be the real me. Or if that would even matter anymore.

…

Misty was wrong. I don't think writing it down helped at all. All it did was make me remember more. But it's not like I could forget it, even if I tried.

After all, I see that monster in the mirror every day.

[p5x-theories]

Theory: Wonder will get a canon name sooner rather than later, and it will be his only official name

Recently the “canon names” of Persona protagonists are being pushed rather hard, to the point where they’re being used in situations where it’s not strictly necessary.  This is a notable change in how the topic has been handled.  In the past they would give them new names in every adaptation, and they would also leave the protagonists nameless in whenever possible.  Now they appear to have decided that brand consistency is more important.

(Yu was canonized both because his anime was popular and also because they wanted to treat him as an actual character in spin-offs.  Ren was canonized in spite of his anime’s awful reception and the spin-offs continuing to treat him as a namable insert character.  It’s kinda weird when the Joker codename eliminates a lot of the need for a canon name, but I’m not the one managing the brand so what do I know)

Wonder is the first Persona protagonist since this change in policy, so he’s the first opportunity to put it fully into action.  And hey, I guess it would nice to avoid fandom arguments and people giving you a hard time about your preference.  Even if I think he doesn’t really need one because he has a perfectly fine codename.

Where will his canon name first appear?  It’s uncertain.  No TV series or manga/manhua has been announced for P5X, but it isn’t properly out yet.  Failing all else it could appear on the language changing screen, which seems to be the new go-to for canonizing Persona protagonist names, even if that would be a lackluster announcement.

Yeah, I’m definitely curious myself to see how a canon name for Wonder might work, let alone get announced.

I think a factor in this that’s worth addressing is that you can’t even properly name Wonder in P5X in the first place? You name him at the very start, and that’s what everyone refers to him as, but at least in the Chinese version, you’re only given six spaces, and I believe that’s then also used as your online name for interactions with other players (Which is ironic, because Katayama specifically tells the class not to write their online name).

It’s an unusual situation all around- with both Atlus’ shift towards canon names and the circumstances of the game itself- so I’m really not sure what’ll happen. But I do sort of expect them to give him a canon name, in some way, eventually.

[themetaphorgirl]

I hope you’re doing okay today Darling!!

I’ve been craving a soft Aaron and Spencer Drabble, I’m not even sure of the circumstances but just Spencer absolutely refusing everyone any sort of interaction or affection, he just want to be with his bubba, only wants him to cuddle him, carry him, all that fun stuff - maybe it’s at like a weird stage in the future where Spencer is acknowledging Alex and James getting together and wanting to give Alex some space so his focus just moves to Aaron in the meantime?? But also Aaron low-key loves it… idk, do with that what you will!!

Sending love always! 💙

This blended with wanting to write some Hotchley, so please enjoy this very squishy and sweet drabble.

----------

Being invited to the Lincoln House Saturday movie night was a huge deal. 

It wasn’t like Aaron’s friends didn’t approve of her or anything- Haley knew they liked her, and she and Penelope were definitely friends. But there was a specific kind of closeness that the nine of them shared, an inner circle that she didn’t belong to. And that was okay. 

(Also, if she was honest, Aaron’s twin sister made her a little nervous. Alex was unfailingly kind and nice, but Haley couldn’t help but feel intimidated by a girl with straight As, fluency in multiple languages, and a ballet scholarship. And she knew that Alex would not hesitate if she did anything at all to break Aaron’s heart.)

But she had caught Aaron’s eye in the hallway during a passing period on Friday, and he had crossed through the crowd to catch up to her. “Hi,” she said, a little breathless, hugging her books to her chest. 

“Hey, I was hoping I would run into you,” he said. 

He said something else but she didn’t quite catch it. She was too busy staring at him. Aaron was beautiful, with his serious dark eyes and his high sharp cheekbones and the cut line of his jaw. His hair was swept back from his forehead, not a strand out of place, and his uniform fit him perfectly. 

“Oh, yeah,” she said, hoping she answered him correctly and wondering if he would ever feel as thunderstruck looking at her as she did when she looked at him. 

“Yeah, it’s my turn to pick the movie for movie night this Saturday, and Penelope suggested I ask you to come hang out with us,” Aaron said. “We’ll probably start around four o’clock. Would that be okay?”

“Yes!” she said. “I mean…yes, yeah, that sounds like fun.”

“Great,” he said, and when he smiled at her his eyes lit up. “You can text me if you need to. Or Penelope, uh…you have her number too, right?”

“Yeah, I do, don’t worry,” she said. 

“Hey, Hotch, I have a question for you!” a kid in a red Lincoln tie called, and Aaron walked away, his expression falling back in serious lines. Haley resisted the urge to sigh dreamily. It wasn’t a date, but she was going to spend more time with him, at least. 

She tried on half a dozen outfits before she decided on exactly what she was going to wear. “Aren’t you just hanging out with the angry Lincoln kid and his weirdo friends?” Harper said as she lounged on her bed and scrolled idly through TikTok. “You really don’t have to dress up.”

“I’m not dressing up, I just want to look nice,” Haley objected. “And Aaron isn’t angry. He’s just…serious.”

Harper snorted. “Could’ve fooled me,” she said. “He looks like the human version of a thundercloud. I think his face would crack if he smiled.”

“He’s nothing like that, he’s so sweet,” Haley said. She looked herself up and down in the mirror. “This is cute but not trying too hard, right?”

“Yeah, you like fine,” Harper said. She glanced over her shoulder. “Somebody’s texting you.” Haley picked it up and smiled. “Ooh, what’s that face for?”

“Aaron wants to meet me early at the Honeybean for a coffee run,” she said. “I’m going to go right now?”

“Oh, an actual date?”

“No, no, we’re just hanging out,” Haley said. She spritzed on her favorite perfume and immediately second guessed herself, maybe it was too much. “And I won’t say no to getting coffee with a cute boy.”

“He’s not that cute, he’s just tall!” Harper called after as she left the room. Haley rolled her eyes. Aaron was cute, she’d heard the other girls in theatre club talking about him. But Harper was right, he was always so serious and solemn. She wondered what it would take to get him out of his shell.

It was a chilly day, on the verge of drizzling, and she regretted not grabbing a jacket on the way out. I’ll get a hot coffee and that’ll fix it, she thought. Her heart skipped a beat as she opened the door to the coffee shop. Be cool, Brooks. You’re just hanging out with Aaron and his friends. 

She caught sight of him immediately. His dark hair was unstyled, falling soft and floppy over his forehead, and he was dressed in jeans and a dark blue zipup hoodie she’d seen him wear to rehearsals. But to her surprise, he wasn’t alone. 

“Hi!” Aaron said, his eyes lighting up. 

“Hi!” Spencer echoed happily. He held Aaron’s hand and smiled up at her. 

“Sorry, he just really wanted to come with me,” Aaron said, absently running his hand over Spencer’s tousled hair. 

“No, no, it’s fine!” Haley said. “Hi, Spencer.”

“We’ve been sent to pick up everyone’s coffee orders,” Spencer informed her. “Emily hasn’t had caffeine yet today and there’s a distinct chance she might murder Dave without it.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” Haley laughed. 

She stood next to Aaron in line, close enough to smell the spicy clean scent of his body wash. “So are you going to auditions for the black box show?” she asked. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “One musical might be enough for me.”

“Oh, no, you have to!” she said. “You were so good. And I could totally see you in this show.”

His ears turned faintly pink as he ducked his head, almost shy. “I think you’re just desperate for more guys to audition,” he said. 

She elbowed him lightly. “I mean, yeah, but also you’re really talented,” she teased. 

Spencer tugged on the hem of Aaron’s hoodie. “Hotch, I can’t see what’s in the case,” he said. “Could you pick me up, please?”

Aaron picked him up easily and set him on his hip. “Better?” he asked. 

“Yes, thank you,” Spencer said. He wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck. “Can we get something for Alex?”

Aaron laughed. “Yeah, I think we can do that, if you see something you think she’d like,” he said. 

Haley smiled at the sight of them. She still wasn’t exactly sure how Aaron’s family worked- she was starting to get the sneaking suspicion that neither Alex nor Spencer were actually related to him- but he was clearly fond of the little boy, and Spencer clearly adored him. They were so sweet. 

“Hi, you ready to order?” the barista at the register asked. 

Aaron dug his phone out of his pocket. “Yeah, hi,” he said. He balanced Spencer comfortably on his hip as he pulled up his list. “I need a large cold brew with light iced, nothing in it, and a large strawberry green tea…”

He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d been sent on the coffee run; he ordered half a dozen drinks as he read off his list. “Bubba, can we get Birdy a coffee cake? She likes those,” Spencer said. 

“Yeah, of course,” Aaron said. He bounced him lightly. “And do you want a cake pop?”

“Yes, thank you!” Spencer said.

Aaron turned to Haley. “What would you like?” he asked. 

She blinked. “Oh!” she said. “Oh, you don’t need to get me anything.”

He smiled at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. “But I want to,” he said. He leaned closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Besides, Emily sent me with her black Amex, so the sky’s the limit.”

“Oh, well, in that case,” she laughed. “A hot caramel macchiato, please.” 

“Did you know that in Italian macchiato means ‘stained milk’?” Spencer said. 

“No, I actually didn’t,” Haley said. 

Aaron set Spencer down carefully. “Here, Bug, you can carry these,” he said, handing him the snacks. He brushed his dark hair back from his eyes, almost nervously. “Do you mind helping me carry these?”

She nodded and he held out one of the drink carriers. Her fingertips trailed over his as she took it. “Thanks,” she said, and he smiled at her, a little bashfully. 

“We should, um…we should probably go,” Aaron said. “We need to get the movies started.”

“Movies, plural?”

“We’re going to watch the Indiana Jones trilogy!” Spencer piped up. “I’m excited. I’m not well-versed in pop culture but I like Stephen Spielberg’s works so far.”

“Oh, really?” Haley said. She was never sure what was going to come out of Spencer’s mouth next, but she did have a mental list of questions a mile long. “What’s been your favorite so far?”

“Jaws, I think.”

“Jaws gave you nightmares,” Aaron pointed out, holding the door open with his hip as they walked out of the shop. 

“So did ET!” Spencer objected. “And everyone promised me it was a kid’s movie!”

“ET gave me nightmares when I was a kid too,” Haley said. “The scene when he’s all wrinkled up and dying? Terrifying.”

Aaron laughed. She smiled up at him, and this time when she brushed her hand against his their fingers intertwined, just long enough for him to squeeze and then let go. “I was scared of Snow White,” he admitted. “When I was like three. The whole hag thing.”

“When the film premiered in 1937, movie theaters kept having to replace their seats because kids were getting so scared of the evil queen that they would wet their pants,” Spencer said. 

“I didn’t get that scared,” Aaron said wryly. He glanced up at the rapidly darkening sky. “Jesus, it’s going to pour today, isn’t it?”

Spencer slipped his hand into Aaron’s. “It never rains like this in Las Vegas,” he said. 

“You’ll get used to it, Bug,” Aaron said, squeezing his hand. “For now let’s just get back to Lincoln, okay?”

The rain held off just long enough for them to make it into the lobby; Haley shook a couple of raindrops from her hair. She has never actually been inside Lincoln House before, and she tried not to make her gawking too obvious as they climbed the stairs. Everyone knew Lincoln was for the “troubled kids,” kids that were on the edge of getting expelled from their own schools but had some kind of exceptional academic or athletic or artistic talent that made them desirable enough to St. Thaddeus to offer them a scholarship. The building certainly didn’t look as nice and and new as her own dorm did- the paint was peeling in places and the architecture was shabby and outdated- but there was a kind of warmth and coziness to it, especially when they made it to the common room. 

“Hotch, thank god, I need caffeine,” a girl in ripped jeans and a vintage tee shirt said. Haley had seen her around multiple times before; she had never seen her in correct dress code once. “Which one’s mine?”

“Jesus, Emily, give us a second,” Hotch said. He set his drink carrier down on the table and took Haley’s from her. “Everybody can figure out their own.”

Spencer zipped over to where Alex was sitting and held out one of the paper packets as the rest of the kids swarmed the drinks, bickering as they searched through them. “Aaron said we could get you a coffee cake,” he said. 

Alex beamed at him. “Thank you, dearest,” she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

“I got a cake pop!” he said happily. 

A tall boy with soft sandy brown hair leaned over the back of the couch and held out a cup for Alex. “Chai latte?” he said. Alex tilted her head back to be kissed and he happily obliged before handing her the cup. Haley hid a smile. She’d heard the rumors, but they were cute to see in person. 

“Who ordered a macchiato?” JJ called. “None of us ever get macchiatos.”

Haley raised her hand. “That’s mine,” she said, and half the assembled group whipped around to look at her. 

“Oh damn, Haley, when did you get here?” Derek said, grinning at her. 

“I came with Aaron,” she said. 

Penelope made a face. “Who’s Aaron…oh! Hotch!” she said. “I always forget he has a first name.”

“He, um, he asked me to help him with the coffee run,” she said. She glanced around; he wasn’t in the common room and she felt a little awkward. “He invited me for movie night.”

“Oh yeah, we know,” the girl in the ripped jeans said, smirking. Alex shot her a look from across the room and she shrugged. 

“Okay, I’m here, we can start now,” Aaron said as he walked back into the room. He had changed from his jeans to a pair of joggers, and he held a stack of DVDs in his hand. Penelope zipped over to take it from him. “Everybody’s met Haley, right?”

“No, no, not everybody,” Penelope said as she popped the first disc into the DVD player. 

Aaron pointed them out. “That’s Emily, that’s Dave, that’s James,” he said. “You know Penelope and Derek, I think you’ve met JJ…and you definitely know Alex and Spencer.”

JJ handed Haley her coffee. “Hopefully we don’t scare you off,” she said. 

“What do you mean? We’re delightful,” Dave said dryly from behind his laptop. 

“Okay, I’ve got it, movie’s starting,” Penelope announced. She found her spot on the floor between Spencer and JJ; the younger kids had made a nest of blankets and pillows. “Everybody find a place to sit.”

Haley glanced around. Aaron beckoned to her; he’d claimed a seat on the couch and there was enough space for her. She sat down gingerly next to him and smiled. 

Rain started tapping against the windows ten minutes into the movie, and pouring hard by thirty. She sipped her coffee and scooted herself a little closer to Aaron’s warmth, as close as she dared. Snuggling would probably be too bold, but she wouldn’t be mad at all if it happened. 

Spencer scrambled up from the floor. “Bubba, I’m cold,” he said. 

“You want my hoodie?” Aaron asked. He unzipped it, and as he pulled it up it rucked up the hem of his shirt, just enough for Haley to catch a little glimpse of his stomach. “There. Better?”

“Yes, thank you,” Spencer beamed. The hoodie hung down to his knobby little knees. “Can I sit next to you?”

Aaron blinked. “Uh…you don’t want to sit with the girls?” he asked. 

Alex sat up a little; she had been leaning back against James and skimming a book while the movie played. “You can come sit with me,” she said. 

“No, thank you, I want to sit with Bubba,” Spencer said, clambering up to Aaron’s other side. Aaron glanced over at her, almost apologetically. But it was so cute, she couldn’t be put out. Spencer tucked himself against Aaron’s side, his knees drawn up to his chest, and Aaron draped an arm around him. 

“Okay, I’m ordering pizza, last call for any special requests,” Dave announced. Derek sat up eagerly. “I’m not ordering a whole pizza just for you, Morgan. Haley, anything you’d like? We’re getting cheese, pepperoni, sausage…and Hawaiian, because Penelope makes wild choices.”

“Hawaiian pizza is delicious,” Penelope announced. 

“I’m good, those all sound great,” Haley laughed. 

Aaron leaned closer to her. “Oh, watch this, this is my favorite part of the first movie,” he whispered in her ear. 

Haley shivered happily. He was close enough that his breath could warm her skin, and she hoped she didn’t actually blush. 

So far, though, movie night was going well. Aaron’s friends were fun, they bantered and bickered with each other and commented on what was happening in the movie. She just wished she could have a little more one on one time with Aaron, but she couldn’t blame him for being distracted by his little brother. The storm was getting louder and louder outside, and Spencer was leaning heavily into the protection of Aaron’s side. 

“Pizza’s here!” Dave announced as the credits started to roll, and immediately the nine of them were up and moving like a well oiled machine, setting out plates and napkins and drinks. Haley got up too, even though she wasn’t sure what she should be doing. 

Alex handed her a plate. “Having fun?” she asked. 

“Oh! Yes, I’m having a great time,” Haley said. 

Alex smiled at her. The older girl was more dressed-down than Haley had ever seen her; her long red hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she wore leggings and an oversized flannel shirt that Haley suspected belonged to her new boyfriend. “Aaron has been so excited,” she said. “We’ve been telling him he should invite you for ages, but he’s been nervous.”

“Really?” Haley said. 

“Really, but you didn’t hear it from me,” Alex said. “Sorry about Spencer, though. He’s been having a little trouble adjusting to James and I dating and he’s been a little clingy with Aaron lately.”

“No, it’s fine, it’s adorable,” Haley said. “It’s really cute that they’re so close.”

Heavy footsteps thundered up the stairs. “Jesus, those stairs suck,” Dave panted. “Okay, come get your pizza.” Derek bounded past him. “Quick, somebody stop Derek before he takes a whole one for himself!”

“And everybody go quick so we can start the next movie, I want to know what happens,” Emily said.

Haley got herself a piece and sat back down; Aaron took his seat next to her with a plastic to go container of salad. “Aren’t you hungry?” Haley asked. 

“No, just not much of a pizza guy,” Aaron said, dumping a truly insane amount of ranch dressing over the salad. “What did you think of the first movie?”

“It’s great, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to watch them,” she said. 

Aaron grinned, one corner of his mouth tilting up more than the other. “They’re my favorites,” he confessed. “I’ve seen them a million times and I never get sick of them.”

She leaned closer to him, her arm bumping up against his. “That’s how I am with Cinderella, I’ve seen it so many times I could probably quote it in my sleep,” she said. 

Suddenly Spencer popped up and they jumped apart. “Did you know Cinderella’s glass slipper is probably a mistranslation? The original French text actually indicated it was a fur slipper,” he said. 

“I didn’t know that, that’s so interesting,” Haley said. 

Alex leaned forward from her seat. “Spencer, do you want to come sit with me?” she asked. 

“No, thank you,” he said, climbing in between Penelope and JJ in their blanket nest again. 

Emily stood up, wiping pizza sauce off her chin. “All right, let’s start the second one, let’s go,” she announced. 

The second movie was definitely a little more intense than the first. It wasn’t like Saw 5 or anything, but it was still more than she usually liked to watch…but on the other hand, when she jumped and squeaked in surprise at what was happening on the screen, Aaron wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

She tried to play it cool but she had a feeling she was failing miserably. They both sat stiffly for a bit, but eventually she relaxed against him and he did too, his hand curling around her shoulder and his thumb rubbing her upper arm lightly. 

It didn’t last. 

Spencer scrambled to his feet as Penelope and JJ shrieked at the screen. “Aaron, can I sit with you?” he asked, glancing briefly back over his shoulder at the TV and immediately turning back. “It’s scary. I don’t think I like it.”

“Yeah, yeah, c’mere,” Aaron said. Haley missed the warm weight of his arm, but Aaron picked up his little brother and settled him on his lap. “You’re okay, Bug. It’s just a movie, you’re safe.”

“It’s scary,” Spencer mumbled into his chest. 

Haley couldn’t possibly be mad that they were interrupted. Aaron held Spencer on his lap for the rest of the movie, patting his back and talking to him softly during the scariest bits. It was so sweet. Most boys she knew hated their little brothers, but Aaron was so kind and so gentle. 

By the time they finished the second movie Derek had brought out a massive bag of candy to pass around, and Spencer was yawning heavily. “Bug, go get your pajamas on,” Alex said. “You look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“I’m not tired,” he whined, nuzzling his cheek against Aaron’s chest. 

Aaron kissed the top of his head and set him on his feet. “Birdy’s right,” he said. 

Spencer rolled his eyes. “I’m going to stay awake, you know,” he said, but he headed down the hall. 

“My money’s on him falling asleep before Sean Connery shows up,” Derek said. 

“How do you know he’s in it?” Emily said. 

“I roomed with Hotch last year, he watches these movies on repeat.”

Haley raised an eyebrow at Aaron, her lips quirking up. He shrugged. “I wasn’t lying, I’ve seen these a lot,” he said, half laughing. 

Spencer made it back just as the third movie started, dressed in his pajamas with a soft ivory colored blanket clutched in his hand, and he made a beeline for Aaron. He lifted him back into his lap and snuggled him close, wrapping the blanket around him. It didn’t take long for the little boy to drop off, his breathing slowing down and deepening. Aaron rocked him a little absently as he slept, patting his hip. 

By the time the movie finished all the kids were a little sleepy, and Spencer was out like a light in Aaron’s arms. “Oh, those were fucking great,” Emily said. “I can see why Hotchner is obsessed with them.”

“Yeah, they’re just so long,” Penelope yawned. 

Alex got up from James’s side. “Here, I’ll put him to bed,” she told Aaron. “You should walk Haley back.”

“Are you sure?” Aaron said. “I can always just-“ But Spencer had woken up just enough to stretch his arms towards Alex, and she picked him up easily. “All right, well…I’ll be back soon.” He turned to Haley. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty late,” she said. “Bye everybody, thanks for letting me join.”

They said goodbye in a happy flurry, with plenty of offers for her to come back any time. That was encouraging, she knew enough that if they didn’t like her they wouldn’t ask her back. 

The rain had stopped but the night was damp and cool, the cobblestones slick under her shoes. She slipped a little and Aaron grabbed her hand, and after the initial shock they kept walking hand-in-hand. 

“Thanks for coming over,” Aaron said. “Sorry Spencer was taking so much of my attention.”

“No, it’s fine, he’s so cute,” Haley said. “It’s sweet to watch you two. He loves you so much.”

Aaron smiled. “Yeah?” he said. “I hope so.”

He walked her to the front door and reluctantly let go of her hand. “That was a lot of fun,” she said. 

“Yeah, it, uh…it was,” he said, ducking his head as if he was suddenly shy. 

Before she could talk herself out of it, she raised herself up on tiptoes, squeezed his arm to brace herself, and kissed his cheek. “Goodnight, Aaron,” she said. 

Even in the dim light she could see him turning red. “Goodnight, Haley,” he said, his voice squeaking a little as he smiled at her dopily. She squeezed his arm one last time and then ran inside, her heart skipping excited little beats. 

[putschki1969]

“Sono Saki e” Random Thoughts (Review?)

Please be sure to ❗SUPPORT Wakana❗ in any way you can! Especially if you decided not to order any physical copies. You can purchase and stream Wakana’s 3rd original studio album “Sono Saki e” on various sites (mora, iTunes etc) and streaming platforms (Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music, etc). • ————— ¤ ♫ ¤ ————— • BUY the album on mora (TUTORIAL here) BUY it in your local iTunes store • ————— ¤ ♫ ¤ ————— •  

Phew, this post is long-overdue. I’ve actually had this “review” sitting around in my drafts since May 30 but I wanted to wait till my physical copies arrived (unfortunately, my package took forever T_T). We have had multiple opportunities to listen to the tracks (or at least snippets of them) and of course I also listened to the digital album as soon as it became available. I’ll be honest with you, my initial reaction to the snippets and later the full tracks was rather lukewarm but in the past couple of weeks, most of the album has grown on me. So far my TOP 5 in order of their track listing are “Rapa Nui”, “標 (Shirushi)”, “希望(Kibou)”,“明日を夢見て歌う(Asu wo Yume Mite Utau)” and “Flag”.  Here are some random thoughts on the album as a whole and the individual songs ┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)→

Vocals: I’m not gonna write an analysis on Wakana’s vocals since I obviously lack the technical knowledge for that sort of stuff but I would still like to vent a little. In recent times, Wakana has talked a lot about how she is constantly refining her skills, working with a vocal coach and discovering new ways to use her voice, however, I fail to hear any real results of those efforts. I have to wonder if her vocal coach (or Takebe in his role as producer) are even giving any sort of effective advice because it certainly doesn’t seem like they do. The Japanese mindset probably keeps them from providing proper constructive criticism. This has always been an issue in the Japanese music industry but I am noticing it more now that Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru can no longer compensate for each other’s weaknesses. I don’t mean to bash or anything, you know I would never do that. I can still appreciate their solo vocals and for the most part I definitely enjoy Wakana’s vocals in this album but sometimes I get frustrated when it’s clear that the girls are not reaching their full potential or are using styles that are absolutely unflattering. I mean, who is telling Wakana (and Keiko for that matter) it’s a good idea to over-affect her voice or to sing in a register that is simply too high? Pretty sure this stuff is up to her so I guess it is a conscious choice and no one is guiding her in a better direction. I know for a fact that Wakana is capable of using a fuller, steadier voice but for some reason she often falls back on singing styles that don’t do anything for her and make her sound quite generic or borderline amateurish. It’s a shame...Rant over.

Visuals: The botanical and watery backgrounds/colours fit Wakana’s image perfectly. I wouldn’t say it’s a good match for the theme of the album but I don’t really mind. These are probably not my favourite looks for her but there are still some super lovely shots included in the photobook and lyric booklets. I originally thought all those light spots were a filter but they really used strings of light for the shoot. Not sure yet if I am a fan of the finished look.Something about it doesn’t really work for me.

Bonus material: No idea why they decided to add a DVD instead of a Blu-ray but I am just grateful we got footage from the Christmas live. It’s a solid concert with many good performances so I am happy there’s official footage. Too bad they cut the Christmas songs though, I remember enjoying them a lot. The audio tracks are a nice addition but I think instrumental versions of the album tracks would have been a nicer bonus. The exclusive fan club track is nothing to write home about, wish they had included footage from the after-talk instead or maybe the Christmas tracks.

Editions: As always, I appreciate that we get different booklets for every single edition. Makes it so much more fun and worthwhile to collect different editions. Overall I would day that all versions were reasonably priced for the content we got. And I am glad they once again decided to go for an LP-sized package with a big photobook. They look so good on my Kalafina showcase/shrine. Small nitpick: The quality of the large photobook isn’t what it used to be, it’s much thinner paper now T_T Makes it easier to scan though so I guess it’s not that bad.

Promotion: As far as the promotional campaign is concerned, I would say it’s sufficiently wide-spread on the media front but it feels a little lackluster in terms of in-store presence. Many Japanese fans have complained that the store promo for Wakana’s “Sono Saki e” wasn’t up to par with all the displays that were prepared for Keiko’s “Cutlery”. Thankfully we got the release events which added a bit of hype. Altogether, her performance in the Oricon Charts wasn’t too shabby either (#28) so the marketing team must have done something right. On a side note, I still very much appreciate the relatively high production value of Wakana’s solo works (especially compared to Hikaru’s and Keiko’s stuff). It’s clear that a lot of money is still invested in Wakana so YAY for that.

Overall thoughts: "Sono Saki e” has been a long time in the making so despite my best efforts, certain expectations have been building up. I know of course that getting my hopes up too high is a stupid thing to do because it will inevitably set me up for disappointment but I am only human and after three years of waiting, I was in a serious Wakana drought. However, now that the album is finally here, I feel a surprising sense of indifference (?) towards it. My reaction to Keiko’s latest album should have been indication enough but I think it’s becoming more and more obvious that I am suffering from a serious case of Kalafina-solo fatigue. It seems like I am steadily falling out of love with their solo music which makes me incredibly sad but I guess it was bound to happen at some point. I am not even saying that I dislike the album but there is just a lack of sparks I guess? Objectively speaking, I would say that Wakana’s 3rd album is quite good, I thoroughly enjoy around 60% of it and I’ve been listening to a lot of the songs on repeat. But I am just not as invested as I would like to be. On a side note, is it just me or does the album feel a little too rushed (despite its long production period)? I would have wanted the album to reflect the three years worth of thought and effort that were supposedly put into it but that’s honestly not the vibe I am getting here. I mean, they decided to include an instrumental of one of the tracks AND a literal copy-paste version of a previous album track, that just screams last minute decision to me. I guess it’s because the actual production didn’t start until much later so ultimately, there was a lot of rushing involved but still, it’s a shame.

●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～ ●～●～●～●～

M1. Butterfly Dream: I feel like everything has already been said about this. It’s fun with the visuals of the PV but without those, the song loses a lot of its charm for me. Even though it’s the leading track of the album, I find it a bit underwhelming, maybe because the melody isn’t really resonating with me? Also, not a huge fan of how Wakana seems to over-affect (if that’s the right word?) her voice during quite a few parts of the song (especially during the chorus) to sound cute/innocent. She sometimes does this for certain types of anisong covers but it’s honestly not the most flattering singing style in my opinion. I guess the outward “cuteness” of the vocals appeals to a wider audience so it’s not a bad thing per se. I mean, there must be a reason why they picked this as promo track for the album (Rating: 2.5/5) M2. Rapa Nui: Definitely the most exciting and refreshing track on the album. The Celtic(?) sound matches Wakana’s voice perfectly. Kinda sounds like something you would hear at a medieval festival. Reminds me a bit of Kalafina’s “Moonfesta” or Hikaru’s “Fili”. Based on the title, I would have expected the song to sound totally different but I am honestly not mad about how it turned out. It’s great that they used the Rapa Nui language for some lines, spices up the whole thing. I initially believed that the song could have benefited from a stronger chorus but by now I’m literally obsessed with it, can’t get the melody out of my head :P Some of those ultra-high notes don’t sound pleasant to my ears but it’s not on a level where it takes away from my enjoyment. Contemplated taking half a point off for it but at the end of the day, it’s not worth it. It’s such a superb track (Rating: 5/5) M3. 標 (Shirushi): Sometimes this song doesn’t really affect me all that much and other times it makes me cry like a baby (especially when Wakana sings “この先も力に歌うから”). In many ways, it reminds me of “Ai no Hana” which has a similar theme and is one of my favourite tracks from Wakana’s first album but I need to hear it live to get the full experience. The same is the case for “Shirushi”. And I also have to be in the right mood for it. I am not 100% sold on the melody but Wakana’s vocals are gorgeous and the emotion she puts into her singing is just out of this world. On top of that, we have beautiful lyrics and a precious backstory, I can’t help but give this song a high rating (Rating: 4/5) M4. 希望 (Kibou): With the exception of “Rapa Nui” this is probably the only track that instantly clicked with me. Even when we just got a snippet of it, I immediately fell in love. The melody is just the right amount of cheesy in a good way, it hits me right in the feels. I think it comes closest to a standard power ballad or a 90s pop ballad. I am a huge sucker for those and it is obviously the type of song I love to hear from Wakana. Is it just me though or could Wakana have used a more flattering singing style for the chorus? She is going very high and it tends to sound a bit strained. For me, this is on the very edge of sounding screechy, a little higher, a little flatter and I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it. It’s clearly a challenging track but not necessarily something that Wakana can’t handle imo. Really curious how she will be handling those parts during a live performance. Hopefully she can tweak her style a bit to make it more suitable for the song. Another tiny nitpick is the bland bridge, I wish it had a little more oomph, it’s neither here nor there but oh well, I am so smitten with this song that I can’t really focus on any of the negative aspects (Rating: 4.5/5) M5. 殻 (Kara): Who thought it was a good idea to do a “Tsubasa 2.0.”? I really wish they would have come up with something else. They had more than enough time to look into other options. I understand the intention of course, “Tsubasa” is solid and highlights some of the grittier parts of Wakana’s voice but that doesn’t warrant a blatant rip-off. Enough complaining though, I feel like I am way too harsh on “Kara”. On its own merits, it’s actually quite fun and yeah, just like its predecessor it works flawlessly to highlight Wakana’s voice in a different way, I like her more feisty singing style. Objectively speaking, I really can’t fault this song but it still doesn’t quite hit the spot for me. Thankfully, Wakana’s singing makes up for it (Rating: 3.5/5) M6. そのさきへ(Sono Saki e)～Interlude～: The melody is not striking enough. I am usually a sucker for a good instrumental piece but this one falls a little flat unfortunately. Wakana keeps saying that she cried when she first listened to the demo but I really wonder why...However, I will have to say that the gorgeous piano playing of this interlude does appeal to me more than the melody in the normal version of the song (Rating: 2.5/5) M7. KEMONO feat.清塚信也: I’ve said it before and I will say it again, every cell in my body is rejecting this type of song. I know that’s a me-problem and I feel horrible judging Wakana’s work based on such a personal preference.This reminds me way too much of some of Keiko’s city-pop (or whatever) tracks. The singing is too fast, there is no proper flow, the melody is all over the place, it’s just outright chaotic. I am sure there are people who can appreciate this new experimental style but I am unfortunately not one of them. I generally don’t like giving low ratings but it is how it is, please know that this is purely subjective (Rating: 1/5) M8. 明日を夢見て歌う(Asu wo Yume Mite Utau): The melody right at the beginning and sprinkled in-between the verses is what initially attracted me to the song, so pretty. However, the rest of the song didn’t leave a huge impression when I first heard it during the Christmas concert. I remember I compared it to “Boku Dake no Stage” because it was also composed by Takebe and I thought it was similarly bland. I realise now that this was a very unfair comparison because those songs have absolutely nothing in common. “Asu wo Yume Mite Utau” is much better imo and aligns more with my preferences in terms of music style. Maybe a comparison to “Toki wo Koeru Yoru ni” would have been better even though Takebe didn’t compose that one... Anyways, after letting the song marinate for a while, I’ve surprisingly come to love “Asu wo Yume Mite Utau”. I’d even go as far as to say it has become one of my favourite tracks from the album. The arrangement is lovely and so are the lyrics. Also adore Wakana’s singing here (Rating: 4/5) M9. Flag: This is probably the most Kalafina/FictionJunction-esque track on the entire album so I understand why it is so popular among YK/Kalafina fans. Personally, I have never been the biggest fan of YK’s more generic anisongs so this track initially didn’t impress me all that much, it was just okay for me, nothing too outstanding. But after hearing it performed live multiple times, it has significantly grown on me. It’s a really solid song and it works perfectly with Wakana’s voice. Even though it might not be the type of music I naturally gravitate towards, it’s still a banger. Especially when you take the Kalafina nostalgia into account. Fun fact, the most recent version with Sakurada has made me add 0.5 points to my initial rating, it was just so good (Rating: 4/5).  M10. そのさきへ (Sono Saki e): Ughhh, I really wanted to love this song but so far my attempts have all failed. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to get into it. I mean, there must be something to love about it when I hear Wakana rave about the demo tape as if it were the best thing since sliced bread. What exactly is it about the melody that made her cry so much? It still baffles me that this was written by the same person who was responsible for “Kinmokusei” which I absolutely adore. There are some tiny similarities but all in all, “Sono Saki e” feels rather uninspired in comparison to “Kinmokusei”, at least in my opinion. Hearing it live during the release event has also not done anything to make me appreciate the song more. I am afraid it is a lost cause... (Rating: 2/5) M11. あとひとつ (Ato Hitotsu): Nothing much to say here aside from the fact that I adore this song and I am really glad that it’s finally included in an official release. I prefer to hear it live but the studio recording is surprisingly touching too. So understated and yet so charming. I like how Wakana keeps referring to it as prayer, it’s a fitting description. Perfect delivery, as always (Rating: 5/5)

[ellephlox]

hey there! so this is going to be one heck of a mess of a message because i’ve been meaning to tell you how much i’m enjoying embers and ashes but i just keep forgetting! and then things inevitably happen that remind me that i *want* to tell you how much i’m living for the story you’re writing, and yet i still fail to say anything. regardless, here we are - me, your devoted fan, ready to spew some adoration upon you

first off, i recently met someone named grey at work and i would be *lying* if i said my initial thought wasn’t of your story. i was like “greg? grey!” secondly, i was reading some tumblr theories about daredevil born again and about dex’s upcoming role in it. the particular theory i was reading mentioned the period of time dex would need to heal from his injury, and i literally thought to myself,“oh, nah he’d be fine because grey will come in and heal him.” scrolled a little farther only to *then* realize embers and ashes isn’t *technically* canon, so i guess what i’m saying is that your story is having a lasting effect on my long-standing interest in this show and these characters

ok so finally, i was wondering if you have a face claim for grey/reader. i know it’s technically a Matt x reader story, but i was curious if, when writing it, you actually envision someone or even if it’s just yourself! i just find it so interesting how authors see their own stories!

Hi!! First of all, thank you SO MUCH, it means so much that you're enjoying the story (and I love that there's a Grey at your work!!)

Yeah so I'm glad you brought up the Dex thing. I like to stay as canon as possible, and with his role in Born Again now, that... complicates things. I'm thinking I'm going to delay that part of the plot for as long as possible so I can scope out what his role is in the upcoming season — as much as I can, I want to stick to that. I'm thinking I'll just push some other plotlines forward in the meantime and keep him relatively on the back burner until we have a better idea of where his character is going to go.

Also, I don't have a face claim! I like to think that anyone, anywhere in the world who is reading Grey can envision themselves in that place. That's why I try to avoid bodily descriptions and even niche personality traits, because I hope that at least most readers can imagine themselves as her.

THAT BEING SAID, I do admittedly sort of write myself into the story — and then I try to blur that into a hobby-less, facial-feature-less version of myself that, in effect, becomes the generic Y/N. I try to think of how I would respond in each situation and end up going with that (though Reader is definitely probably funnier and also bolder in situations than me, lol most of the time I'd just be frozen in fear, unable to say anything if Daredevil approached me).

For example: the elevator scene in the last chapter. I tried to imagine how it would go down if I were in there. What would I say? How would I react to knowing Matt has super-hearing, especially when I also need to pee very badly at that moment?

In regards to specific personality traits (which wasn't even part of your question lol but now I'm rambling) I do try to keep Reader as relatable as possible, considering what I know about the average fan fiction reader:

They like reading

They're probably a bit nerdy (I mean, who else spends their time reading or writing reader insert fan fic)?

They're probably a bit more reserved (not true for everyone, but again, I find that people who spend their time reading this type of thing have very rich inner worlds, are homebodies, etc)

It's not much to work with but it helps! So sorry this turned into such a long answer haha!!

[marie-swriting]

You Really Are That Oblivious - Robin Buckley

Stranger Things Masterlist

Summary : You have a crush on Robin and you want to let her know. Unfortunately, she doesn't get the hint easily.

Warnings : Robin is very oblivious, second-hand embarrassement, mutual pining, good ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see any or if I missed any warning.

Word count : 2.2k

French version

Song inspiration : Chance by Hayley Kiyoko

Holding onto the videotapes in your hands, you take a deep breath before entering Family Video, a smile on your face knowing you’ll see her. Steve greets you when he hears the door. When you look at him, you notice he’s alone. Your smile drops instantaneously. You try to not show your disappointment as you give Steve the tapes.

“Isn’t Robin here today ? I thought she was working.” You ask him as he’s looking at the tapes, checking if there is any problem.

“She’s here. She’s just in the back, sorting the tapes.”

“Oh okay.” You say while your smile comes back on your face.

“You’re all good. You can take new movies, if you want.”

“Thanks.”

You walk into another aisle, trying to look for the documentary your father asked for. Meanwhile, Steve runs to Robin. She looks at him weirdly as he seems in a panic.

“I’m gonna do that. You should go to the customer.” He tells her and she frowns her eyebrows.

“Why ? Is it someone you don’t like ?”

“It’s actually someone you like.” Steve corrects, confusing Robin. “Y/N is here. Go.”

“What ? No ! I’m gonna make a fool of myself, you know that.” Robin retorts, nervous.

“You won’t ! Come on, you’ve had a crush on her for the past four months. Please, go have a successful love life for us.”

“Nothing will ever happen.”

“If you don’t want to shoot your shot, go at least do your job with her.” Steve encourages her. Robin thinks for a few seconds before answering.

“I hate you, Harrington.”

“You’ll thank me one day.”

Robin rolls her eyes before going back to the front counter where she finds you waiting, a tape in your hands. When you see her a big smile is on your face as you give her the documentary. Robin tries to hide her nervousness by not looking you in the eyes.

“Is that all ?” She asks you.

“Yes.” You say, giving her the money. You stay silent while she gives you the change. “My dad wanted to watch that documentary for months. I didn’t take anything for me as we currently have too much homework, you know.” You tell her awkwardly and you curse yourself mentally.

“Yes, it’s true. The teachers won’t give us a rest any time soon.”

“Especially with that English paper. I mean it’s poetry, you can read it quickly but it takes time to analyse it correctly.”

“I guess.” Robin answers, not knowing what to say.

“Do you like Lord Byron ?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never really read him before.”

“Me neither. But I’d prefer to work on other poets, like Emily Dickinson or Sappho. Do you know one of them ?” You ask her, hoping she’ll get your hints.

“Not really.” She says and you try not to show your pain as you understand Robin doesn’t know about the real meaning of your sentence.

“Their writing is very good. You should check it out.” You inform her, casually. “Actually, tomorrow, I’m going to buy Sappho’s poetry in Greek. I’ve been taking classes for several years now so I think I can read her writing in the original language. You can join me if you want and after… we could go to a café or something.” You suggest and Robin stares at you, eyes wide open.

“I… Steve can go.” She exclaims and you look at her confused.

“Steve ?” You ask at the same time as Steve. “Me ?”

“Yes, I… I’m busy tomorrow, but I’m sure Steve would love to go to a café with you. Right Steve ?” Robin says, trying to hide her panic.

“You sure you don’t want to join us, we can do it after what you have to do.” You try to ask again.

“I’m busy all day. But you two go.”

“I mean, if you don’t mind, Steve.” You tell him, looking at him.

“Yeah sure. We could go to Hawkin’s café at four.”

“Yeah.” You confirm, an awkward smile on your face. “Well I’m gonna go. My dad is waiting for this.” You say, showing her the tape. “I guess I’ll see you around ?” You ask her and she nods.

You leave Family Video, a sad expression on your face. You’ve been thinking of asking her out for so many months. You knew you had to make the first move but with her reaction, you think maybe you shouldn’t have. She’s clearly not into girls, even less into you…

When you’re completely out of sight, Steve comes in front of Robin, in shock. It takes him a few seconds to understand what’s just happened.

“Did you just make me go on a date with your crush ?” He questions, not believing his ears.

“I panicked, okay ?!” Robin screams, putting her head in her hands.

“That’s another level of panic ! Why would you even do that ? For someone who is smart, that was completely stupid !”

“I know. I know !” She exclaims, looking at him.

“You realise she was asking you out, right ?” Steve tells her and Robin seems surprised.

“Was she ?”

“Yes ! It was totally clear she was doing that !”

“But she has a crush on you.” Robin retorts and Steve frowns.

“Why would you think that ?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“Robin, she only comes here when you’re working. When she didn’t see you earlier, she was disappointed and asked me about you. Then, she mentioned to you she loves Dickinson and Sappho aka two poetesses who loved women, as you told me ! And after that, she asked you if you wanted to go with her to the bookshop and have a coffee and when you did your stupid move, she was clearly sad. How did you not understand ?” Steve points out, making Robin feel bad once she realises he might be right.

“I mean, that’s just a coincidence.”

“You’re the most oblivious person I know. I never want you to criticise my love life ever again.”

“Even if she was attracted to girls, which I doubt, she would never try anything.” Robin tries to reason.

“She asked you twice if you wanted to go to that café with her. Twice.”

“Okay, stop it ! I messed up. It’s too late.” Robin ends the conversation, hating herself for her reaction.

The next day, you go to the coffee shop. Steve is already waiting for you, feeling awkward about the situation, just like you do. You really hope Steve won’t try to do anything. He seems nice but you’re not attracted to him. You want Robin and only her. But she made that date between you and Steve so clearly, she doesn’t want you like you do. When you sit in front of him after you’ve ordered your coffee, you put your new book on your table.

“That’s the book you wanted ?” Steve asks you and you nod.

“Yes, I’m excited to read it.”

“So, is it just me or did Robin try to play cupid with us ?” You question after a few minutes.

“Kind of. I’m sorry about that, by the way. This doesn’t have to be a date or anything. It can totally be just two people hanging out.” He reassures you, lifting a weight off your mind.

“Cool. Because I have to admit I don’t have a crush on you. I mean, you’re good looking. I guess. It’s just that, let’s just say you’re not my type.” You say, a little bit embarrassed.

“I get it.”

“But I thought that maybe you and Robin had something. I mean it was a guess till she did that yesterday.”

“Oh no ! We’re not a thing.” Steve informs you quickly. “We’re friends, really good friends. Like what we have is totally platonic, with a capital P. Nothing will ever happen. I mean, I tried, and she told me I wasn’t her type. Apparently, I’m not the type of a lot of people.” He says, lost in his thoughts.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone. But do you know if, maybe, Robin has a crush on someone ?” You question him, taking a sip of your coffee the waitress just gave you.

“Let’s just say that she’s oblivious when it comes to her crush. I think if someone is attracted to her, they’ll have to say that they like her.” Steve tells you and you notice the way he used neutral pronouns.

“Okay, I see.”

You then change the topic, talking about school, more precisely universities and colleges. Though, you think about what Steve told you. Was he trying to make you understand that Robin is, in fact, attracted to you but can’t see you are too or that she has a crush on another person ? With what he said, it seemed to be the former. But he also said that person had to be straightforward, so no more allusions. For you, that’s too risky. If you’re wrong, that could go bad, and you don’t want that. You really need to think this through. You don’t want to lose her, especially if you didn’t read the signs correctly.

You think about it for the next few days. Every time you come to the same conclusions, you have to go and admit you have feelings for her. If you don’t, you might miss your chance with her and you like her too much for that. Though, your fears get stronger as you realise you’re about to either get the girl you like or ruin everything.

At one point, you decide to muster up all your courage and go to Family Video. You find her close to the door, reading the synopsis of a movie before putting it back on the shelf. You walk to her, taking a deep breath.

“Hi Robin.”

“Oh, hi !” She says, nervous. “You’re looking for a movie ?”

“No, I’d like to talk to you. If you have a minute, please.”

“Sure.” She nods before guiding you to a quieter place. “Is everything okay ? You seem stressed.” She asks you as she sees you fidgeting with your fingers.

“Here goes nothing…” You whisper before talking louder. “Okay, Robin I… I wanted to know if maybe, and you can totally say no, by the way ! I just wanted to know if you’d like to go… go on a date with me.” You question, not looking at her.

“A date ?”

“Yes, like a real date.” You confirm but she stays silent. You panic and start looking for the exit. “I knew I shouldn’t have come. Sorry, I’m leaving.” You tell her, walking away while Robin looks at Steve for help.

“Go !” He murmurs to Robin.

“Y/N, wait !” She screams and you look at her again. “You really want to go on a date with me ? Like, you… you’re attracted to me kinda date ?”

“Yes. I mean I don’t know if you’re also attracted to girls, or even me, but I just really think you’re beautiful and I’ve been meaning to ask you out for months and last time I tried to do it without being totally explicit and it didn’t really work, Steve told me you’re oblivious and that the person attracted to you needed to be straightforward with you so that’s why I just asked you that.” You ramble, totally stressed.

“I… I didn’t think you liked girls or even me.” Robin admits and you laugh nervously.

“I’m always trying to talk to you and I even mentioned Dickinson and Sappho, I thought I made it clear.”

“See, I was right !” Steve yells as he was listening to the conversation from the beginning. Robin rolls her eyes at him.

“Shut up, dingus !” She orders him before looking back at you. It takes her a second before it hits her, and you can see the realisation on her face. “Oh, my God.”

“Wow, you really are that oblivious.” You chuckle and she smiles awkwardly.

“It’s just… it seemed surreal, and I didn’t want to make a mistake.”

“I was afraid of that too. But I really like you and I knew if I didn’t do anything, I would have never known if you liked me back.”

“I’m not gonna lie, you're right. I would have never thought you’d take a chance on me. I didn’t want to believe you could like me. It seemed too good to be true.” She admits.

“Well it is.” You confirm her and you smile. “So, you want to go out with me someday ?”

“Totally !” She almost screams.

“Here’s my number. Call me so we can plan something.” You tell Robin, giving her a piece of paper you took before leaving your house.

“Okay.” She nods, looking at the paper with fondness.

“See you, Robin.” You smiled before kissing her left cheek.

Robin doesn’t move, surprised by your gesture. She still feels your lips on her face while you’re walking toward the exit. She looks at where you left with a fond smile, grateful that you made the first move, but above all, she’s full of hope for what will happen between you two.  

Stranger Things Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[venus-is-thinking]

Fanmade DRDT Playlist Explanations

Hey everybody! About a week ago, @accirax and I made this post about a character playlist we made for DRDT. It was in a randomized order in case people wanted to take guesses and figure out whose song was whose. We’re going to be giving out the answers now, but if you want to take a shot at placing any of them, feel free to take a look before looking at our answers! They’re written out beneath the cut.

In addition to just saying which songs were intended for which characters, Accirax and I decided to write out explanations for each of the songs in the same way that we did for the official DRDT playlist. So, for anyone who saw that a while ago, it’ll be a fun little throwback. Any explanations will be preceded by an A or a V depending on which one of us wrote it.

Also, spoiler warnings for DRDT through Chapter 2 part 1. Sections with specific content warnings will be flagged, but in general, content warning for murder and death.

Okay, onto the songs!

Homunculus by Trickle: Levi Fontana

A: Homunculus is a song about trying over and over again to create a better version of yourself to escape the parts that you hate. Personally, I think that it relates to Levi and his character themes pretty well. Levi is always looking to the people around him to figure out how to act and what the “right” thing to do is. When he messes up, like with getting fooled by Arei or threatening Ace, he’s filled with regrets, and turns to others to help him right his wrongs.

Presumably, it’s due to his estranged family that made him act this way. He may have been able to get away from them, but will he ever be able to get away from himself?

Realized in my last life That I hate the light So I keep running And running I’m trying to hide

Levi’s struggles to converse with others and to trust himself are the results of his own low self esteem. In his secret quote, he talks about “his heartlessness,” and while many people speculate that he is a “killer without remorse,” his worries about not being a good person are sort of remorse about not feeling remorse over doing bad things, if that makes any sense.

I'm broken, torn, and tattered I'll never be full again

Many of Homunculus’ lyrics feature the singer berating themself for various reasons. They worry about not being up to par with what people expect of them, not fulfilling their own expectations of themself, and being a shell of who they should be, among other things. These premises may be similar to how Levi feels as someone who wants to be a reformed hero, but fears their villainous origins are too powerful to ignore.

Also, if the popular theory that Levi is involved in the Chapter 2 murder (whether as the sole blackened or as an accomplice to someone else) holds true, the singer’s resolution to do better “in their next life” could hold additional meaning to Levi. 

So maybe in my next life I'll finally find Find a way to wash away all the shame To erase and wash away all the shame

Either he’s about to die, so the next life is the only chance he has, or he’s managed to screw this life up so badly by being involved in a murder that his morality might be unsalvageable. Even though he would continue living for at least one chapter in that secondary case, the quest to continue reforming himself might seem too insurmountable.

Hate It! Hate It! Huge Ego! by KurageP: Arei Nageishi

V: Here we are with Arei! This song cold opens on some lyrics that fit Arei pretty obviously: 

That small girl, I just hate her! She always acts like a nice person.

This refers to Eden. Arei picks on Eden, but it’s because Eden is a very good person in Arei’s eyes. She doesn’t believe that’s something that can exist, and she takes out her frustration that she isn’t allowed to be nice on Eden.

Arrgh! I want to be loved! I want to be loved!

Similarly to how we gave Shunran to Arei “they say that praying to be loved is a sin. It has such a sweet scent” Nageishi, I generally associate feelings of wanting to be loved with Arei. Additionally, the frustration and anger present in this demand to be loved makes me think of Arei; she wants to be loved, but doesn’t know how to get it, and that frustrates her.

Just like that kid did to me,  I just crush the garbage underfoot, right?

This line is probably the best for Arei in the song, given that it directly ties into how she developed her worldview. Arei was once nice (like Eden), but her sisters bullied and abused her until she no longer could be. She learned to stand up for herself by mimicking her behavior and pushing them and others down. She “crushes the garbage” of other people under her foot, just like how her sisters did to her.

I hate humanity! All they do is flock together. I try to pay attention to others’ feelings, But I just get completely ignored!

Arei wants to be a caring person, but she doesn’t let herself be anymore. She used to “pay attention to others’ feelings,” like Eden does, but her attempts at solving the situation peacefully were always ignored. Because of that, she learns to hate humanity.

I’m the most special of them. I need people to understand me!

Arei builds herself up as a queen bee type and praises herself about being the best (bowler and in general), but she also wants people to understand why she’s cruel the way that she is. Deep down, she wants to be nice, even if she believes it to be impossible. That understanding is something she searched for in David.

I didn’t do anything. But, but, but, but, but… Aah, I want to be forgiven, I want to be forgiven. I’m so lonely.

This song adds in a moment of sincerity, showing the remorse that the singer carries and how they feel alone. Again, I think this reflects how Arei thinks at times rather than how she acts. However, it quickly returns to the same, full-power chorus as before, showing that Arei won’t allow that loneliness to actually change her base persona or get her down; she wants to be loved, but she’s still the same strong, confident Arei at the same time.

I don’t even recognize my own face!

Shoutout to J/Arei swap theory on this line if that ends up being true!

A: While I overall agree with the interpretation of the opening paragraph(?) best fitting Eden, while reading through Venus’ analysis, I came up with an alternate interpretation.

That small girl, I just hate her! She always acts like a nice person. Is she just gonna act like I don’t notice? Those! Eyes that look down on me!

These could be Arei’s opinions about herself in the past. Arei hates her past self for being small and weak, and thus leaving herself vulnerable to her sisters’ abuse. Why didn’t she see how pathetic she was being? And why would she even have the thought that her past self might hate the person she’s become…?

That popular girl, I just hate her! She only likes fashion,  Abruptly talking like it’s her business. So shallow. Shallow, shallow, shallow.

And these are Arei’s opinions about herself in the present. Because, come on, you can’t watch that Chapter 2 breakdown scene and think that Arei is actually as confident in herself as she pretends to be. Arei may now be a typical queen bee who enjoys fashion and girly things, but that doesn’t actually make her any stronger or cooler. She cuts into conversations to inject her own hateful comments, shallowly feeding into her own worldview. I don’t know if Arei in the story would actually recognize that she has any of these feelings, but I think they could be there to be noticed had she lived longer.

Also, Milgram fans, rejoice in the bullet you dodged that we didn’t wind up giving Arei Reversible Campaign. Even though we didn’t like giving her literally the Mikoto cover of it, we almost did before we remembered that Huge Ego existed. Like, seriously, what would have been up with that? Arei should’ve been Mu, if she had to pick a Milgram character…

Please Play-Bite by Pinocchio P: Nico Hakobyan

A: Remember that scene in Chapter 1 when Nico spent an hour just reciting tongue twisters to MonoTV? In my opinion, that was the best written scene in all of DRDT. Ah, memories. (/j)

Anyways, if you get past the most obvious premise of the song, “Pinocchio P flexes his tuning and songwriting skills by making Miku recite a bunch of tongue twisters” (which does not apply to Nico at all), the rest of the song makes a lot of sense.

My head is full of anxiety God, I’m begging you to [finish] me I bit my tongue again (Oh no)

Due to their anxiety (and perhaps other neurodivergence), Nico struggles to communicate with others on their/society at large’s terms. They hate talking to people because people always react negatively to what they have to say, even if they’re trying to be nice.

In the song, I think that “I bit my tongue” is more literal– the singer messes up saying the tongue twister, and with their tongue in a nonstandard position, they accidentally chomp it. In a metaphorical sense, this could signify how Nico can’t keep up with a “normal” conversation, and keeps having things come out wrong if they just speak off the cuff. However, there’s also the more traditional interpretation of “biting your tongue,” which is refraining yourself from saying something that you want to say for the good of the situation. There have probably been a lot of times in their life that Nico has wanted to say something, but has stopped themself from doing so because they don’t want to cause trouble.

The song has a lot of references to not understanding what people are doing or saying.

Isn’t it difficult to live a normal life, ouch ouch ouch

The sensation that enthuses the young and the old I’m not quite understanding it, oh what do I do

Kind words sound distorted to me

I don’t really know what the section about loving someone at the end would mean, though. You could extrapolate it to be about Rose, and how she used to like Nico before losing some faith in them now. However, any change of heart Rose may have had wasn’t because Nico was bad at communicating– she doesn’t care about that– it’s because Nico went behind her back to steal her turpentine and nearly kill Ace with it. So, who knows.

Also, shout out to this lyric for clearly being about Ace.

My neighbor eats [persimmons], he’s from Planet Complaint

I’m going to start saying that Ace is from Planet Complaint now. Thanks, Nico.

Last Score by Sekikomi Gohan: Eden Tobisa

V: This is a very positive and loving song, which is fitting for Eden. After all, she’s someone who cares a lot about her friends and family, and she tries to spread cheer and positivity to those around her. 

A face full of tears doesn’t fit your profile really that well

I let go of both my worries and anxieties, happy day! Yeah!

This voice of mine will be with you No matter where you go

There are also a lot of references to time, which, obviously, fit in with her role as the Ultimate Clockmaker.

I’m stricken by my valuation of time The traffic light stays red, unchanging

Experiencing the past, the future and the now that I’m grasping

Hundreds, thousands of years, or even an eternity, in this endless life of mine

However, it’s the combination of those two things that make a narrative that I think fit Eden. Her secret quote– “You can never go back, no matter how hard you try”-- implies a sense of desperation to return to the past, something that ties into the themes of her Ultimate talent. When paired with her secret, “Ever since you kissed her, you were afraid your sexuality would ruin your friendships,” it becomes clearer that there’s someone in the past who she loves.

If you combine the two, you can come to the conclusion that Eden longs for the past, partly or entirely because of the person she kissed. This song is one of longing for a past relationship.

The love/sorrow that we amassed Is proof of my existence with you Even my dreams, my wishes, and my painful memories as well Everything, everything, everything, I was with you

This interpretation works with a general longing, which I’d argue is present in Eden’s character no matter what. Accirax and I, though, along with some others, believe in Eden Chapter 2 culprit theory, with the belief that her motive is to reunite with the people she’s left behind, notably the girl she kissed. 

If that is the case, there are also song lyrics that would allude to her taking direct action to get back to the life she left behind.

The reason why I can run without feeling down Is because I’ve known love

I’m overturning the notion that our parting is inevitable

Either way, though, I think that this song fits Eden as someone with a lot of love and desire for others’ happiness that guides her actions.

Change by Monkey Majik: Hu Jing

CW: Suicide for this section!!

V: Okay, so this one is a lot more speculative. Like, obviously we know some things about Hu, but a lot of what I’ll be talking about is about where I believe her character is headed/what I think we can determine about her. For what it’s worth, I’ll be assuming that the hopeless child secret– “Dying once wasn’t enough, so you attempted suicide three times”-- is Hu’s. (This analysis by @1moreff-creator focuses on Min, but it’s a lot of why I believe Hu’s secret to be this.)

So, that being said, I’ll be speculating a lot about Hu’s mental state, so… my bad if I get anything wrong.

You had your wishes but you threw them away It made you happy yeah for more than one day But now you're lost and cannot figure a way To get out of this lie that comforts you

This is, in my opinion, about Hu’s transition from being the “hopeless child” to where she is today, in the killing game. Something must have changed to aid her mental state (could easily be something she “threw away”), which fits with making her “happy” (not actively suicidal, at least from what we’ve seen). However, now she’s here in the present, and she’s not sure what to do. What should she do to move forward, especially in this context?

You'll never change if you keep running away

I’m not sure exactly what Hu feels she’s running away from, but I feel alright saying that she is, given her secret quote: “I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live.” Hu wants to be someone different and make up for something (or, if this occurs in the future of the series, to be someone different from the person who takes whatever action this describes), but she doesn’t know how.

Brothers on the top pressing all the melodies

Takatantan!!! Sweet sound of the shamisen Tsugaru style if you know where they're coming from

I don’t know much about music, and while I assume these lines wouldn’t successfully relate to zither playing specifically, it’s still true that the more traditional sound of the song and the references to music make me think of Hu’s talent.

Wouldn't it be nice if the whole world got along?

This relates to Hu’s desire to have everyone get along and be on their best behavior. She wants everyone in the killing game to work together peacefully, but that’s difficult to pull off, given the stronger personalities in the group.

I need a change 'Cause it's all gone wrong for me Somebody else to lead me now (I want) somebody else to lead me now

This can definitely also relate to Hu’s dynamic with David; she saw him as a co-leader, someone else who could help her keep the more unruly personalities under control. However, with his heel turn, it’s plausible to say that Hu would be looking for “somebody else to lead her”-- someone else to support her views and to make her less alone in the struggle to keep people under control. 

The rest of the lyrics I’d have to interpret based entirely on my own predictions, but I’ll give a quick shot at it:

Sing them your song You'd be surprised how many people wanna hear what you're saying

I suspect Hu will, after dealing with the fallout of David, seek to try to enact that same stability onto the group. Some people, I think, will be receptive, and Hu will realize that what she has to say has meaning.

Maybe! Who knows! I still think this song fits Hu’s vibes.

A: Wait a minute… what’s that?

Apples are red, but taste The same as green, wooo!!

Is that a hint about Color Theory? Are red and green the same person? Is Monkey Majik trying to tell us that Hu is confirmed for the green color, but also the red color? Does that mean that Hu is the mastermind? Is this–

CW: Suicide over!

Get Chemical by Polite Fiction and Audiodile: Charles Cuevas

V: Okay guys, I promise, this song makes sense beyond “get chemical.” I know it’s a weed song. But not for Charles. If you ignore the weed part it’s a Charles song. Trust.

A: It’s not about weed. Ignore the weed. Pretend it’s not there. It’s Charles time.

V: Okay, but in all seriousness, this song fits him really well. The song moves him through his character arc chronologically, so that’s how I’ll be looking at the song’s lyrics. The song starts off with Charles’ more no-nonsense worldview.

There's a time and a place For wasting space And if you're not coming home Then it's a slap in the face

It's nothing worth doing If you just can't do it alone

Charles starts out not wanting to “waste time” or bother with any of the other students. He thinks the only things worth doing are by himself, so that’s what he does.

But I don't wanna wait for days

Charles then gets tired/bored of being by himself (as he warns Teruko will happen to her at the start of Chapter 2). He starts getting impatient, and thus ends up spending time with some of the other students.

And I'm tired of the games we play While you sit and judge me there from on your throne

Charles gets frustrated, though, because he feels that no one takes him seriously. Notably, Whit and Teruko make fun of him a lot. He feels judged by the others. However, once he tells Whit this in the bonus Chapter 1 free time, he starts to make progress; Whit understands him, and thus stops judging him so harshly.

Put the train wreck on display Marvel and wonder how it sways Wear that disapproving stare right through the phone

Then, the murder happens. Xander purposefully triggers Charles’ hemophobia to put him out of commission, and Charles then has to be visibly out of it for the entire Trial. Though Whit tries to preserve his privacy, he eventually has to reveal why Charles is acting up. Thus, Charles, the “train wreck,” is on display for everyone to “marvel” at.

Is it a trending feat or a single case Is it dignity if it gets misplaced Am I justified in adopting casual tones

Charles, after the first Trial, formally becomes friends with Whit, as well as generally leaning towards being friendlier with the group. Thus, while “adopting casual tones,” AKA being friendly, might be a “single case” (just Whit) or a trending feat (befriending everyone). Previously, not befriending people and acting above them was part of how Charles displayed his dignity, but after the first Trial (in his eyes) stripped him of that dignity, he has to reposition himself.

Well pinkies up, 'cause it's in good taste And if you can't throw down then you know your place There's a hundred different ways that this could go

After the first Trial, Charles has to confront the fact that he isn’t reliable. Thus, these lyrics to me best fit him giving Teruko the secret motive he received (Eden’s). He “knows his place,” realizing that he could easily be incapacitated again, so he does what he can. He plans for contingencies.

And I am still quite functional when I am prone

This line switch up fits the second Trial well. Charles can’t investigate fully or contribute in the way he’d like, given that he can’t actually enter the Playground or look at Arei’s body, but he can still be a major benefit to the students in the Trial. He can find evidence elsewhere and be a logical ally for Teruko. He even got to cut in to help her in the last moment before the hiatus. 

Obviously, I can’t really apply the lyrics chronologically beyond this point, but I can still point out the things that make sense.

Hitting bottom's so much better when you're stoned

I can’t deny the weed allegations on this one, but if you just replace stoned with gay with friends it makes sense. “Hitting bottom’s so much better when you’re surrounded by a support system.” That kind of thing.

Most of the rest of it is just the chorus, which is pretty easy to see the connection. I mean… the Ultimate Chemist definitely gets chemical. Not in the weed way. And the “upright to vertigo” is sort of reminiscent of Charles’ reaction to his phobia.

Anyways, this is the end of my essay. Get Chemical is a Charles song I promise!!!

Tokyo Teddy Bear by Neru: Arturo Giles

CW: Suicide for this section!!

V: Okay, I’m going to preface this one by saying Arturo was a hard slot for Accirax and I to fill on the playlist. We don’t have any songs that really boil down to “you’re ugly,” so that element of Arturo’s character is out. That means that our best bet was anything that vaguely related to philosophies of fashion/aesthetic, as well as trying to interpret Arturo’s trauma/mental state. That second part is hard, because while we do know his secret– “Your younger sister killed herself because of you. You never should have left.”-- we don’t really know the details or how he reacts to it, other than “badly.” So, take everything here with a grain of salt.

The connection to aesthetics isn’t super strong, but it’s definitely there to be seen. 

I crush the heels of my unfashionable shoes

I’ll find some tougher scissors And cut out my face

With the theming of a teddy bear, there’s even references to cutting/replacing physical features of a living being, which ties into Arturo being the Ultimate Plastic Surgeon. Additionally, this often pairs with parts being “replaced.”

I’ll make a ridiculously sized pattern for it Anything will do, as long as it serves as a replacement

Please fill in the gaps in my seams

This, again, can relate to plastic surgery. It’s inherently something where you take a physical feature and alter it in order to get a “better” result, which means that you’re replacing the previous feature with a new one. It’s a bit of an angsty description of plastic surgery for Arturo, but it makes enough sense.

However, the lyrics pertaining to family and home are what sell this song for me. While we don’t know a lot about Arturo’s situation, we do know that he “never should have left,” meaning he did leave to some extent. He also clearly feels guilty for his sister Felicity’s death. 

I personally theorize that they likely had harsh parents, so while Arturo was able to use his promising career and older age to escape, Felicity had to endure the toxic environment on her own, which eventually led to her death. Thus, it would be understandable that Arturo would want to leave, but would still feel awful about the end result. Either way, though, I think the lyrics can definitely connect.

Mom, Dad, I’m sorry for everything

Brother, Sister, I’ll see you later

Goodbye, everyone; teacher, take care

Arturo is sorry for the situation, but he still leaves. It seems like there’s a specific point in Arturo’s life that would change pretty drastically when “leaving,” so it makes sense if it’s something treated with a lot of drama and severity.

Then there’s this part of the song:

There’s nothing left, nothing left anymore: it’s all torn off Even my cells seem to disappear into this sea of lint That’s right, I’m gone, gone, thrown away I don’t even have a home to go back to

This would read to me as a reaction to Felicity’s death. There’s nothing left of the home he cares about, meaning he’s officially on his own. It’s also a lot of emotional turmoil he’s struggling with, obviously.

I want to complete it, I want to cheat, give me the answer I can’t change? Do I want to be kept like a pet? Is it all gone? This isn’t me! The seams have split and torn apart

This part reads to me as some sort of big reaction to something in-story. It could just be the secret reveal; he wanted to “cheat” by threatening Eden into silence and claiming not to have a sister, but he learns that he can’t “change,” or otherwise escape from his past. How the ending of this song will be interpretable is going to change heavily with where he goes after this reveal, whether it be being the Trial 2 killer (and likely explaining his logic more in the post trial) or continuing to move forward into at least one more daily life.

That’s pretty much all of the analysis for the song, but I’m going to just quickly talk about some aside theories for Arturo!

CW: Body dysmorphia for this section!!

Anyways, while looking at the lyrics of this song, I started wondering how Arturo’s views on beauty and being the Ultimate Plastic Surgeon might’ve tied into his past/Felicity. Arturo clearly developed very strong views on what was beautiful/ugly somewhere along the way, and it wouldn’t be at all surprising if Felicity held some of these views as well.

I think it’s possible Arturo may have attempted plastic surgery on Felicity if she had some sort of body dysmorphia. A lot of people with body dysmorphia try to use plastic surgery to ease their negative thoughts, but it doesn’t usually work, because the issue isn’t their actual appearance, it’s their misperception of their appearance and how it impacts how they believe others see them. Body dysmorphia is also a condition which has a high suicide rate (some studies say 25%+ of people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder have attempted suicide), so that could definitely be part of Felicity’s struggles.

This is also much less specific, but do you think Arturo has ever had plastic surgery or tried it on himself? I kinda just assumed his mask was part of the surgeon aesthetic, but it’s true that we don’t super know what’s under it, right?

Anyways, ramble over! Onto the next song!

CW: Suicide and body dysmorphia over!!

Punching Bag by Set it Off: Ace Markey

A: And here we have our first Set it Off song! Venus and I listen to a lot of Set it Off music, so it was hard to cut down to just two when we wanted to do a couple more. Rest assured that the two we went with are going to be fitting.

(V: They are my top artist on Spotify ever :D

Also side note, we also like Full Moon by Rare Americans as an Ace song on vibes. The lyrics are less fitting, but like… the Vibes are there)

A: I think the scene that most closely parallels the lines of Punching Bag is the one in Chapter 2 Episode 4, where Veronika intervenes in Ace and Nico’s fighting. To quote Ace, “Is that what everyone really thinks about me? And it’s fine that you drill it into my head over and over again, because you think I’ll forget about it in 5 minutes like you do? … You think I act like this for fun, and then I go to bed and sleep soundly at night, you dumb piece of shit?”

I'm up all night when you think I'm sleeping People pleasing's never good for your health

I’m sure you can see what I’m getting at here.

V: There’s also the fun part with the “up all night when you think I’m sleeping” that Ace (I’m pretty sure) goes to the Gym and stuff while other people are asleep! Plus, there’s him overhearing the David/Arei conversation. So, in a lot of ways, Ace actually kinda is up all night when other people might think he’s sleeping.

A: People not taking Ace, his emotions and his struggles, seriously is one of the things that infuriates Ace the most. 

Punching bag Just another pot calling the kettle black Take it out on someone who won't hit you back 'Til we're all as broken as you

Based on what others have told him, he knows that they think he’s a fragile coward whose bark is worse than his bite. How dare they insult him when they’re just as fucked up as he is, if not more?!

So say goodbye to your Mr. Nice Guy You got your wish, he's rotting in Hell

Even though we are aware that he wasn’t really a nice guy before, this scene (and the one investigating the Gym with Levi) is reflective of Ace’s Chapter 2 declaration that he’s in it only for himself. He’ll be a terrible person if it’s the only thing that’ll defend him from everyone else’s onslaught of attacks.

And, on top of all that, there are a bunch of lyrics that seem to reference damage inflicted on the singer by some kind of string.

Hanging on by the strings that you're pullin' (So you) cut me down just to push me around

And hope I'd tie a rope 'round my throat 'Til I start to choke

Don’t worry Ace, I’m sure this will never come back to bite you. Play-bite you, even.

So go fuck yourself

Well, that’s not very nice :(

Grave Dancing by David Bays: Veronika Grebenshchikova

CW: Self harm and suicidal ideation for this section!!

A: This song kinda tracks Veronika’s experiences with boredom, and how experiencing the terrors of the world that make most people cower makes her cackle. We begin with Veronika’s backstory, detailing how she felt before the killing game began. Now, this is based on speculation, but the idea that Veronika has the secret, “you only took on your talent to distract yourself from your incessant need to harm yourself for fun” is generally a pretty popular one. If she really was injuring herself just to feel something, we can assume that she was in a pretty bad mental state.

I stared into nothing completely entranced A spectacle vortex of mesmeric dance Millions of voices invite me to jump Into the pool of the opiate pump

Veronika was lost to her own desires, only focusing on what was fun (the “mesmeric dance”) even when it was putting her in danger (“inviting [her] to jump,” presumably off a high place). However, once Veronika finds horror, she finds that you can’t spell funeral without fun.

I’m dancing on my grave As my pleasure turns to pain I waste my days In this haze The more I satisfy myself the emptier I am

When most people would be sobbing at a gravesite, Veronika thinks to dance. When Veronika is experiencing pleasure, it’s at the hand of pain, whether hers or someone else’s. Even when she succumbs to her desires to live her life for the sole pursuit of fun, she’ll always be chasing a high that doesn’t exist. 

The fleeting euphoria begs me for more

Or, well– not without a killing game, anyways. The “round robin race” and “endless buffet” mentioned in the lyrics could both refer to the killing game, and “a wishful need to want to leave” would be more of a commentary on how people like Xander and Eden keep making plans to end the killing game. It’s her typical psychoanalysis stuff.

Do you remember how to be I don’t And you’re all stuck here with me As we throw away our time On momentary lives

Veronika seems to know that she’s abnormal (although she frequently forgets it in the moment), and even relishes in it in the presence of people like Arturo or David. Even if she doesn’t remember how “to be” (a normal person), everyone is stuck with her in the killing game, where her opinion holds the most power. The concept of “throwing away our time on momentary lives” sounds like the kind of thing she would say to get under someone’s skin– pointing out how fragile everyone’s life is in order to try to incite murder. Overall, the song just reminds me a lot of how Veronika speaks and thinks.

Entertained forever till we… DIE

Like… Yeah, that’s Veronika alright. You get it, I hope.

CW: Self harm and suicidal ideation over!!

Hallelujah by Hunter Oliveri: David Chiem

A: Did you know that David… is in a poor mental state?

Everybody is dumb I'm feeling numb Hallelujah

While exactly how much David’s “real personality” mirrors what he’s shown us in 2-11 is still up for debate, that infamous episode certainly showed us that there’s something off with how David views himself and the world. Namely, he’s a pretty pessimistic guy who seems pretty cavalier about throwing at the very least his own life away (given that the person who receives votes WILL die, either in a correct blackened vote or an incorrect spotless vote). If you assume that David is not actually the blackened in Arei’s murder, you can also get this line to factor in:

Everyone's got a gun Let's kill everyone

If the other students use their “guns”– their votes– to kill David, everyone will die. That’s a plan he’s completely fine with… Or, at least, he’s acting like it is. You could also link this line to Xander and his fake gun. Obviously, Xander didn’t actually use his fake gun in his attempt to kill Teruko, but it’s still an acknowledgment of how Xander was a participant given a gun like everyone else, and how he did decide that murder was his best course of action. Betrayals like that are likely part of what gave David this attitude in the first place.

In his breakdown, David also shows his perverse desire to call out the other students for their naive idiotic beliefs in trust and the goodness in humanity. So, you know. Everyone (in the Class Trial) is dumb (for believing in all of the inspirational bs David spews), (David is) feeling numb (to his own survival, as well as potentially still being in shock regarding the state of his career)-- Hallelujah. In the Hunter Oliveri version, the call to Praise The Lord is certainly meant to be sarcastic, and David means the same. In the way that “the Lord” can also imply fate/morality or a powerful establishment, David can be telling those things to fuck off too with his “Hallelujah.”

All of this is probably clear enough. However, what makes me like THIS smugly apathetic song over potential others are the frequent references to telling people how to do things and success. Let’s start with telling people how to do things.

It all means nothing I'll tell ya something They'll sell ya something, yow

Now I can't do a damn thing. And I'll take you out your misery And now I can't move a damn thing And I'll take you out your misery

Although the singer is feeling numb and therefore shouldn’t care about their audience, the song is still clearly framed as the singer giving their advice on how to best approach life. “Telling you something,” AKA the wisdom David dispenses in his inspirational speeches, is the exact same thing as “selling you something.” David knows that he profits off of exploiting others’ hopes, and he hates himself for it. Because he believes that people can’t ever change, he “can’t do/move a damn thing,” but will still “take you out your misery.” On the surface, people think that David is taking them out of their misery to move them to somewhere happier. But the way David sees it, he might as well just take them out of their misery by killing them, because life for the corrupt and unmotivated is pointless.

On that happy note, let’s talk about success.

I Gotta buy a big house Driveway full of cars trophy wife on the shelf

Here's what I'm all about Spending big money on a ticket to hell You've probably seen me around I'm like the Walmart in your hometown

I can’t remember if it’s ever been officially confirmed by the story, but I would not be at all surprised if David was the most independently financially successful Ultimate in this killing game. Like, obviously if J got along with her mom, she would have access to way more money and fame than David would. But, given that J tries to hide her identity, David is the only character who seems to be particularly recognized by anyone else (Xander) at the start of the killing game. Calling him “the Walmart in your hometown” is kind of a funny way to get that point across, but if you say that David is calling himself that’s incredibly well-known but also not that particularly special/well-regarded, I think it fits.

David has been able to ride his career as an inspirational speaker to immense success, but he feels very empty about it. Because he doesn’t believe in what he’s saying (and in Arei’s case, may even believe that the things he said actually kill people), he knows that the “big money” he’s earning will come back to ruin him in the end. His actions before and after his big reveal are what will send himself (and those he’s affected) straight to hell. The worst part is that he doesn’t even have any particular ambition about how to use his success. He knows what successful people act like– displays of wealth, happy relationships– but he doesn’t actually know how to achieve them. He doesn’t even like expensive things. So, what’s the point?

David’s got a lot of opinions about how people should feel about their brief lives on this miserable  “third rock from the sun,” and I think Hallelujah represents them pretty well. Just… don’t ask me about the lyric four lines down from that one. I have no explanation for it. We’re ignoring it. Moving on.

Egoist by Onuma Paseri: Min Jeung

V: It took us a while to pinpoint what exactly we wanted to pick as Min’s song. We strongly considered the obvious but fitting Lost One’s Weeping, but in the end, we decided to bring something new to the table instead. That song is Egoist!

A: (This is because we wanted to avoid putting in songs that other people had already brought up themselves, to make the guessing game fun for Min. I applaud everyone’s efforts in coming up with so many great songs for Min, but goddamnit did you have to come up with SO MANY great songs for Min??? /j)

V: Egoist is an interesting song for Min, because a fair amount of the lyrics actually focus on not wanting to be in school.

I usually spend my days falling ill. Let me withdraw from school, professor!

Let me go home early, professor!

However, I think this makes sense given that, in Min’s bonus episode, we see her starting to have more doubt surrounding her school career. She begins to realize she’s become extremely focused on school to the detriment of everything else. To me, that’s what these kind of lyrics actually relate to in a Min context.

I want to talk about something life-related. Won’t you listen to me, professor?

I understand that patience is important in life.  Won’t you realize it, professor?

Min has started to realize that not only school matters, but the people and the environment she’s surrounded by encourage her to continue focusing on academics entirely. She wants to have patience in life and explore other possibilities, but she finds it difficult to actually broach the subject with anyone.

You, dyed orange,  Will melt into darkness before long. Though time passes, my anguish will not disappear. I spend an eerie night together with you.

This set of lines is much more plot-oriented. Though you could try to spin these to be about Mai, I think it’s easiest to make this song largely about the night that Min kills Xander. Xander, dyed orange, “melts into darkness” (dies via electrocution). Min’s anguish can’t just disappear, because the Class Trial exists– it has to result in more death. I think you could call the whole thing overall an eerie night.

Get sentimental, and it’s goodbye. Go quicker and further away than anyone else!

Min “becomes sentimental” when she wants to save Teruko from Xander. However, because this results in both Xander and Min’s deaths, her sentimentality means “goodbye” for her.

Becoming impulsive is the right move. Cross through the night, more than anyone else! There’s no going back from here. After all, there’s no consequences.

This relates to Min trying to win the Trial. The right move is to become impulsive– she has to act quickly when she sees Xander or he’ll simply kill her too– and after that, she has to “cross through the night” more than the students she’s trying to deceive. She has to be the absolute best to clear the Trial and escape to the outside world. There’s no going back from here.

The “no consequences” thing is a little weird considering there very much are consequences for her actions, but I could see that potentially relating to her mindset of fixing “mistakes.” Killing Xander doesn’t have to be a mistake, as long as she does succeed more than anyone else. There are only consequences if she fails to correct her mistakes in time. Unfortunately for Min, that’s exactly what happens.

…Actually, I take back what I said earlier about some of the lines being potentially applicable to Mai. THESE lines relate to Mai:

You had entered my heart, and your smile Will melt into darkness before long. Though time passes, my memories will not disappear.

Problem solved! Min gets to reference Xander, Teruko and Mai!

A: I also tried to pitch Hungry People by the Happy Fits as Min’s song; but Venus didn’t really get it, so we went with this (which I think she did a great job explaining!). However, if anyone wants to hear me ramble about the commercialization of Hope’s Peak and the Ultimate Student as a talent through the context of Versace, Versace, Versace or Klein, hit me up.

Always Tired by Weathers: Rose Lacroix

A: This song doesn’t have a ton of lyrics, but the ones it does have fit Rose pretty well. The most obvious connection is just due to the fact that Rose is, believe it or not, always tired.

I'm always tired, I just can't fight it I'm always picking up my body, oh

Whether as a result of her hard work, an attempt to run away from her depressing day-to-day life, or straight up narcolepsy I don’t know, but the fact remains that one of Rose’s most apparent character traits is her tendency to fall asleep at a moment’s notice. And, despite the dangerous killing game situation, she doesn’t make any attempts to try to keep herself awake, like drinking a ton of coffee or whatever. She doesn’t really have the drive in her to try much of anything after being chained to the Spurling Foundation for life. Instead of making art based on her own creative drive, she has to execute whatever the Spurlings tell her to. She has to force herself to do things, mentally picking up her body instead of just letting it carry itself forward.

There’s also the matter of Rose’s nightmares, the combination of her photographic memory and the troubles she’s faced. The song is a lot about sleeping, but also a lot about seeing.

A quarter to three, still rolling in bed A party for me with demons in my head Do you ever know how eyes lie? Do you ever see how I'm-

Even when Rose does try to sleep, she can’t avoid her photographic memory filling her mind with nightmares that feel incredibly real. Xander’s dead body, Min’s crying face, and Teruko’s haunting glare could all seem pretty demonic under the right circumstances.

The song’s continuous repetition of the chorus also speaks to how bland Rose finds her life now. It’s just a cycle of unfulfilling days doing the same thing with the same tired energy following her around. Unfortunately, that’s just her habit.

Evolutional by Big Data: J Rosales

V: This song largely centers around J’s relationship with her mother, Mariabella Rosales, and how J wants to make her own future rather than the one her mother wanted for her. In that lens, a lot of the lyrics to this song are honestly pretty self-explanatory.

It's my future, not a mystery These games that you play, you're my history Not your possession, you don't own me Said it's all for the best, I disagree

J takes ownership of her own future, leaving her mother and the stardom she was born into in the past. She’s not just her mother’s child; she’s her own person, too.

Ooh, boy, what you gonna say when I walk away? (Got a mind to eliminate) Ooh, ooh, boy, what you gonna do when I'm not with you? (I'ma show you another view)

J would much rather walk away from the whole situation. I have no idea what Mariabella’s reaction was when J walked away, but I have to imagine she wasn’t happy about it. J would probably enjoy that fact.

Gonna make a change, gonna rearrange Improve myself, I don't want your help

Something I like about the lyrics to this song are that they focus on how J has taken ownership of her future rather than just rebelling against her past. Yeah, she changes from her past, but she does also “improve herself” in the sense that J has still found her way to an incredibly successful career, Ultimate-level worthy, through her own enjoyment of SFX. She doesn’t want her mother’s help to become famous, but she still thrives on her own terms.

Used to build me up, used to knock me down Thought you were so clever, who's laughing now? Are you listening? Do I have your attention? I'm telling you now, I'm your final invention

J, as we know her, currently seems to have gotten the upper hand against her mother, given that she HAS become unrecognizable to most people and got to live out her life in relative privacy. I’m sure her mother is aware of this, though, meaning that J is the one “laughing now.” And, of course, if Mariabella is feeling like an Endeavor kinnie, she might see J as her “final invention.” Ryan is younger, but still, J is the evolution of the Rosales bloodline.

Remember the Empire by House of Heroes: Xander Matthews

A: Remember the Empire is a pretty general song about rebellion, which means that it definitely fits Xander, but not necessarily with the same specificity as some other songs. However, there are still some good lines to talk about, so let’s get into it.

Stand, stand up! What choice have they given us?

Remember the empire, Tear the king from the throne!

While possibly not as medieval as House of Heroes intended it, the rebellion that Xander asks people to stand against is definitely about taking down a king. Or, more specifically, a Duke. I doubt that Duke is actually a king by divine right or anything like that, but if you say that he was the old money ruler of the town in which Xander lived, there’s hardly a difference when it comes to modern day. “Remember the empire” is about Xander remembering both his family and hometown in the ways he wishes they would have stayed, and “tear[ing] the king from the throne” will at least restore that kind of peace to other families and homes.

Fight for the life that our children should have, Fight for every freedom that we never had, There's no turning back all the bridges are burned, Our peace must be earned, so

Again, Xander is focusing on children because he was a child when the river in his town was poisoned. Speaking of rivers, sometimes they have bridges over them…? But also, “burning bridges” just means ruining your relationship with someone, which Duke Spurling definitely did.

While I would say that the majority of this song is more about Xander’s backstory than his (brief) time in the killing game, there are still a couple of lyrics that I think speak more to that time period than his past.

Here they threaten with murder and bribe us with peace. Here they treat us like slaves and convince us we're free.

MonoTV sure did threaten them with murder! And bribe them with peace, too: given that Xander attempted to kill Teruko before the motive videos were actually given out, the main motive for the majority of the students was the temptation of going back to their peaceful, everyday lives.

“Treat[ing them] like slaves and convinc[ing them they’re] free” is a bit of a stretch, but who says I’m not flexible? MonoTV and the killing game establishment want the participants to believe that every decision they make is on their own terms– if a student chooses to become a killer, it’s about the despair secretly hidden inside of them, and not the external pressure of being put in a month-long life or death situation. But, the students are still “slaves” to both the headmaster, the structure of the killing game, and, in Despair Time’s case, the entertainment industry.

We wrote it down in blood, in blood. We gave our lives for love, for love.

Also, while Xander didn’t actually write out an accusatory dying message in blood, the blood around his neck and on his fingers were relevant to the case. He is also (probably) related to the blood falling on the pieces of paper in DRDT’s opening scene, and certainly the recipient of the “kill Teruko Tawaki” note, which was written down to call for Teruko’s blood.

Similarly, while the direct reasoning behind why Xander decided to kill Teruko is yet unknown, it really feels to me like it would be “for love” of something. Love of the rest of his classmates? Love of Mai? Love of the world? Whatever the case is, he gave his life for it. Remember the Xander– tear the song from the list!

SAD (Clap Your Hands) by Young Rising Sons: Whit Young

A: There is precisely one section of the lyrics that made me believe that this song was for Whit.

I've still got memories to repress But I still hear my mama saying If you're sad and you know it And you don't want to show it Clap your hands If you’re sad, that's okay You can clap it all away Just clap your hands

This part screams Whit so hard to me. Whit represses his emotions and memories about his home so that he can pretend that everything is fine. Whit’s mom is very important to him, and is more likely than not dead, such that anything she says would have to be in a memory. Much like how “bitter things should go down the drain,” Whit always chooses not to show his sadness, deciding instead to play things off as jokes.

Erase any unease you have with these two simple steps! Step 1: Clap! Step 2: Profit.

So, anyways, that’s clearly the best part of the song. What about the other parts? Well, they are probably making Whit into a bit angstier of a character than he actually is. Probably. (V: Yet. He will have angst. We can all feel it.) Compared to people like Xander or Min who have their own bonus episodes, or even people like Arei or Rose whose backstories have been explored a bit more in canon, we don’t actually know that much about Whit’s past. And, yes, I know that we literally got an entire scene almost entirely focused on Whit’s backstory. The problem is, given that he likely has a history of… omitting information, one could say, we don’t know how much of what he’s said about his past is true, and how much might be reframing things in a more positive light.

Still stuck in bed Try to remember how Unscrew my head That's too left brain right now

[...T]hey say that if I try That I could maybe be someone But I'm scared because I know deep down That day may never come

Shut up and be happy It's all in your head Grow up and be happy 'cause it ain't that bad That's what my doctor said

Like, all of this could be true about Whit, I dunno. Or it could be false. To try to end this on a smart note, I’ll try to explain each of these sections as best I can.

Whit is probably a more right-brained person, to the extent that that model means anything, because of his strong intuition and innate understanding of how others are thinking and feeling. The left brain helps you with sequencing and facts, two things which Whit probably tends to ignore.

There’s definitely an argument to be made that Whit doesn’t see himself as a particularly talented matchmaker, despite being an Ultimate. When Charles asks him to break up the fights between J and Arturo, Nico and Ace, and Arei and MonoTV, Whit deflects, saying that he’s only a matchmaker, not a relationship counselor. (Charles points out that he didn’t bring up anything about matchmaking at all, which implies that Whit may frequently feel out of his depth when asked to do things as a matchmaker and is used to coming up with excuses.) Whit’s sales pitch for himself as a matchmaker in the prologue is basically a joke, too. And then, there are the details thus far only brought up in his character profile: he dislikes Valentine’s Day, and has never been able to succeed in finding a relationship for himself. That failure to matchmake the perfect partner for himself (assuming he’s interested in that kind of thing, but he does say he likes boys and girls and was confirmed as bisexual in a Q&A) may make him insecure in his skills, and thus in his future as an Ultimate.

Of course, his bio also says that “if you get the Ultimate Matchmaker to find you a romantic partner, you’re guaranteed to have a happy and stable relationship for life,” so do with that what you will.

And finally, Whit did ask other students about their prescriptions, and seems to have some familiarity with mental health issues, given how he was able to help Charles. I mean, any good doctor would not actually say “grow up and be happy ‘cause it ain’t that bad” to someone struggling with their mental health, but my point is that the lyrics could have some extra meaning for Whit if he did see a doctor for whatever in the past.

Look, like I said at the top, there is precisely one section of the lyrics of this song that made me think it worked for Whit. The rest of the song does not make as much sense, but the guy was hard to pin down. And, hey, it’s not our fault that Good Grief was already taken–

Killer in the Mirror by Set it Off: Teruko Tawaki

V: This song is such a #TerukoSweep. We were looking at songs and this was one of the first ones we locked in. It very clearly shows her shift after Chapter 1 to being more distrusting of everyone else, after both Xander and Min betray her.

Look out, they're closing in on you now Wake up, or you'll wake up six feet down Nobody's got your back in this town Knock 'em in the teeth now

Teruko quite literally has to wake up or wake up six feet down after Xander stabs her, considering she’s unconscious for a long time. After that, she fully believes she can’t rely on anyone, so she becomes much more aggressive to the people around her, pushing them away.

Out here, there's no negotiation No room to start a conversation Before you get a taste, it's taken Never let your guard down

This relates to how she doesn’t even want to talk to anyone after the Trial. She can’t ever let her guard down; that’s a large part of why she refuses Eden’s attention in particular. She can’t negotiate or start a conversation, because that, in itself, is letting her guard down– it’s opening herself up to friendship, which she no longer trusts.

Get back, put your hands up, kinda messed up, but it's tough luck

Tough luck you say? …Anyways.

And I'm sorry, but I don't feel bad for you 'Cause I know if you could switch this You'd be dishing out the same shit Saying sorry, but I don't feel bad

Teruko seems to hold the view that anyone could betray her at any time, and thus, they should all be considered enemies. She can’t feel bad for any of them, because they could all do the same to her.

Now I know there's no one I can trust I used to think there was Tell me that I'm cutthroat I think you got your eyes closed

This is the same kind of thing. She can’t trust anyone, even when she used to think she could, because Xander and Min’s betrayals proved that not even those closest to her could be trusted. People say that Teruko is cutthroat for turning her back on everyone, but to Teruko, they don’t see the facts. She’s not being cutthroat, she’s being cautious. 

Feel the fear and swallow back the tears Let weakness disappear

This relates to Teruko cutting out her friends because they’re weaknesses, etc. etc.

There's nobody but me here The killer in the mirror

This is actually one of the harder lines to justify in my opinion, because Teruko hasn’t actually killed anyone. …That we know of.

I’m kinda just banking on Teruko’s likely secret of “How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you’ve done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is all your fault” in addition to any inflicting-bad-luck-on-other-people-like-with-Min type situations being enough to justify calling Teruko a killer, at least in a hypothetical sense. If she really is responsible for the killing game (questionable) then she’d sort of have killed Xander, Min and Arei at this point.

The other verses’ lyrics definitely fit too, but it’s really just a lot of repeating Teruko’s philosophy. She doesn’t trust anyone for her own safety, she can’t have friends anymore, all that deal. Classic Teruko.

Conclusion

V: Thanks for getting all the way through this post! This thing ended up WAY longer than we meant it to. Still, I guess it makes sense, given that we tried to pick songs we thought had strong lyrical basis for the characters. Hopefully you enjoyed, coming from me and Accirax :)

A: Yippee, essays over! Thank you for reading. Now go listen to our immaculate taste in music some more (/lh /nf). And the original playlist, too! We could all use a little more DRDT brain rot in our lives.