#Chronic pain is no joke y'all

[dewitty1]

Saturday Six (Stuff)

Oopsie, forgot to post last week, because I was busy with work. But I'm taking every other weekend off for self care, even though I've got so much to do still. Here's what I'm working on. (•̀⌄•́)

My therapist says I'm making improvements. Meh, idk about that. I think it's more I'm just tired of reacting to my dad all the time. Though I'm still bloody angry as hell that it's up to me to do all the work to change.( •̀ω•́ )σ

It's only been two weeks and I'm sick of this snow and freezing cold. Mother Nature didn't even ease us into it, like usual. It just came out of nowhere.(*｀へ´*)

Even though I'm still hurting, I'm grateful to have a great physical therapist who really is trying to help me.(❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

I'm really grateful to have returning customers who are willing to give me another opportunity to work with them, even if I might have made a mistake (it's been a few years since I made a lady's item, and she's just now coming back to me, to have me fix it, oopsie! She's a sweetheart!)（*´▽｀*）

My adopted orange boy, Boots, is really becoming the lover kitteh. He loves the pets and rubs, though he still has some feral issues to work out. (=^-ω-^=)

[complexapparatus]

Oof. That pain Sure can Global.

[rogueddie]

Disabled Steve / Eddie Fics

Important: READ THE TAGS! Also, leave a comment and kudos! These fics are amazing and I love them and I hope y'all do too 🦻

give me a sign

findmeinthewychelm

It was sweet torture the way Steve was pining over him. Robin was sick of listening to him talk about Eddie, but she also hadn’t stopped him yet.

Words : 4,235 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : General Audiences

AO3 : x

what would you trade the pain for (i'm not sure)

Library_of_Gage

Steve doesn't bother anyone with his chronic pain; it's something he'd rather keep to himself. And then it spikes in the Upside Down, in front of Eddie Munson, and Steve slowly starts to learn that, sometimes, sharing what hurts does help.

Words : 8,230 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

Our Love is Shown in the Letting Go

Xxbottlecapxx

Steve’s mother comes home and has to deal with the fact that she has no idea who her son is, and maybe never will.

Words : 10,189 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Not Rated

AO3 : x

Who Am I to Say What Any of This Means?

IndigoFudge

Eddie’s eyebrows are raised. He’s speaking deliberately. “My first grade teacher set up a meeting with Wayne and told him she thought I had autism. So Wayne took me to the doctors and it turned out she was right.”

He is still looking at Steve. Oh. Steve’s been staring at him like an idiot for forty seconds instead of acknowledging this important, incredibly personal detail that he has just shared. Steve remembers eye contact––one, two, three––then answers. “That’s cool.”

“Steve,” Eddie says, carefully. “Have you ever been tested? Because I’ve been noticing… When I look at you, I kinda see some signs.”

Words : 7,371 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

she'll know me crazy, soothe me daily (better yet, she wouldn't care)

jewishrat420

Eddie doesn’t really cry about this anymore. He’s long since shed his own personal tears of pity, spent enough time mourning a different life. He’s accepted it, for the most part, doesn’t really give a shit about being normal or whatever. No one’s normal.

But this…Eddie’s not used to this. He’s never had someone hold his face in their hands, look him dead in the eyes and say, “Eddie Munson. For better or for worse, and fuck, I know this is worse, I want to know you.”

Words : 3,988 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

the beginning of a bad joke

alligator_writes

At the beginning of his rant, lecture, whatever, Hottie stares right at him. He has a really intense stare. Pretty brown eyes set in a prettier face with even prettier hair on top of his head. Eddie gets distracted by all that pretty and by trying to make his point.

And he doesn’t notice until halfway through that Hottie isn’t looking at him anymore. He’s looking at his friend.

Eddie looks at her, too. Looks at her confused and focused expression. Looks at her hands moving rapidly.

Oh. G-d.

Hottie’s deaf, isn’t he?

Words : 7,083 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Teen and Up Audiences

AO3 : x

I Took The Good Times, I’ll Take The Bad Times (I Take You Just The Way You Are)

steddieeddie

In 1984, Eddie Munson told Steve he was going to marry him one day laying in the quiet confines of Steve’s room.

In 1985, they broke up. It wasn’t because they wanted to, but because Steve thought they had to. They spent almost an entire year apart, hurting, wondering about what could have been.

In 1986, Steve Harrington was almost fatally injured in the final attack against The Upside Down, against Vecna. He spent seventy six days comatose, and then almost an entire year in the hospital learning how to be a person again. He learns how to open and close his hands, hold things, and how to feed himself again. Steve learns how to stand, how to walk, going from walker to cane by the time he is allowed to go home.

In 1987, he did just that. He goes home.

It was a slow process. Way slower than Steve wanted it to be, but it was worth it.

Sure, his hands were never going to work the same, there was constant pain in his arms and left leg, and he would never walk without a cane, but at least he’s alive.

He made it.

That was what mattered.

Words : 30,101 Chapters : 1/1 Rating : Mature

AO3 : x

[cistematicchaos]

Writing this with fucked vision and a fucked head so forgive me for not putting it through grammerly (/s) but fr, people struggling with migraines without proper accommodations or medicine or general medical care, y'all have my heart. I've been struggling Sith this since I was little. They told me it was my eyes (which were admittedly fucksd), kept changing my glasses prescription and denying my need to see a headache specialist for years.

When I finally saw one, she couldn't get me out fast enough, telling me off for "self-disgnosing" myself with migraines and saying I was probably causing them by taking headache medicine too frequently (the only means of stable pain relief I had besides ice packs) but gave me an extremely low dose headache med and lied to me about the side effects, despite knowing my pain was 24/7 and severe and that I was very sensitive to medicine side effects.

To say that was only the beginning of me being fucked over and an example of what was to come is an understatement to the point of seeming like a joke. I've been back and forth so many times with quite a few people, most of whom seemed to view me with something varying from clear disinterest to mild irritation and I've been on too many headache meds over the last year alone, I'll tell you that. It makes me so fucking tired.

People with chronic migraines like me are chronically neglected and chronically mistreated by doctors and the like and my heart goes out to all the people like me. Especially those who haven't found meds that work properly, or don't have great doctors or have other medical issues too that are exacerbated by your migraines or vise versa. We're fighting thankless battles all the time but this is my thank you for fighting it because knowing its not just me out there helps. Just a little bit.

[rxttenbxnes]

Hello! Do you have any fun headcanons to share about Idia? Honestly, I just find it painful to see how badly this guy gets butchered in headcanons sometimes. People always forget that he is in fact a complete ass with a massive superiority-inferiority complex and not just a sad boi, or they overplay the weeb part and ignore how he has other interests like science and art, or they make him too pathetic by assuming he would still be a blushing incoherent mess like a year into marriage, etc. Anyway, it’d just be nice to hear the headcanons of an actual Idia fan since that’s the only way to get anything sane.

Omg totally, first I'mma do a little rant, I'll make sure to label where the HCS begin so y'all don't have to read my rants 😭

܀⊹ ིྀ🕸 ۫ ִ ׂ💭 ◟♡ ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ  ۫🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

❱❱﹒⟡﹒𝑅𝑎𝑛𝑡﹢﹒🎮

Okay we gotta acknowledge the fact idia is indeed, an asshole you guys. 💀Well not completely obviously but he's not just gonna be nice to you for no reason. He's not just some depressed dude needing sympathy.

The way Idia is so Infantilzed by the fandom it's actually gets me tweakin, You guys this actually makes me mad, he's not some sensitive bottom uwu boy that stutters 50 times every sentence In fact I honestly cannot see him being submissive half of the time, this man is actually a asshole on the low. Most people get the fact that idia would be submissive from his shy and closed off personality which is just SO wrong to me.

Idia is extremely pessimistic and if we're being real Idia is actually not a good narrator for his own experiences, the constant self deprecation mixed in with his his thoughts about being superior to others is so fascinating to me, one moment he sees himself as nothing but a piece of trash while in the next moment he's boasting about how he's the only one component enough to be ignihyde's dorm leader. He's such a complex character I can Yap about him constantly

I get making jokes and stuff but some people genuinely think idia is some stinky incel creep that hates women and just purposely chooses to not go outside and be chronically online. Like yeah, he has nerdy and loser like hobbies but this man literally has trauma and chronic depression, along with an anxiety disorder, it's not something he can just make disappear. He likes science, engineering, art, anime, games etc which is all just cool, it's not like he's some creep that's afraid to talk to people, nor is he some super submissive guy that'll fold for you in a tiny interaction.

Had to get ts off my chest 💀

܀⊹ ིྀ🕸 ۫ ִ ׂ💭 ◟♡ ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ  ۫🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

܀⊹ ིྀ𝐼𝑑𝑖𝑎 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠 🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

🎧 Caramelldansen. Idia adores this song unironically. At first he had just saw the meme and quickly ended up falling into the whole thing, laying on the floor completely dazed out of his mind as the colorful lights flash in the background from the music video playing on repeat lol

🎮 I said this in my earlier post but Idia definitely draws his crushes all the time. Luckily he has a little self control and draws anime/manga characters in most of the pages, he's really protective over his sketch book due to 1.) His social anxiety and 2.) The fact that he doesn't want anyone to know that he likes drawing and observing people, especially his crushes.

🎧 Idia constantly has his headphones on, I know of a fact that Idia listens to Nightcore, anime OSTs, Vocaloid, animation meme music, Vkei, video game sound tracks and breakcore religiously. I think idia would honestly listen to everything he can get his hands on

🎮 I feel like he had a 2020 alt kid phase lol. I feel like quarantine would've been his time to thrive, his peak enjoyment of life would be set during this time lol. Being able to express himself like he wanted without others seeing??? Sign him up

🎧 Ironically, he's not super weak. I feel like he just sucks at physical activity, especially running since he doesn't leave his room much. His hands/fist are definitely strong, I feel like he has a strong hit.

🎮 That being said, I think Idia’s hands are large, thin and boney. They definitely have a few scars and calluses from all the machinery he works with, you can't tell me that his hands aren't pretty rough.

🎧 Idia is a fashion icon, in games. Not irl, he would never due to the attention it would grab him, though he definitely is into all of the alternative and Gothic fashion stuff. He'll give his characters the most perfect and pretty outfits and make sure everything is customized perfectly, not mind at all if it takes him hours to do so.

🎮 This man definitely collects figures. I feel like they're all anime and video game figures; he's even commission artist and such to make custom work of his favorite interest and brag online about it.

🎧 Has an habit of repeating words and phrases he likes over and over again. It doesn't matter if it's from an obscure meme that literally only 5 people including him know or if it's in a different language, he'll constantly reference and repeat it like no tomorrow.

🎮 He's a biter. He bites a lot of things randomly, he'd bite someone out of love if he got the chance. I'm telling you he'll just naw on random stuff, not caring if it's edible or not. It could literally be a plushy and he'll randomly bite it while he's hugging it.

🎧 Idia definitely finds confort in the rain and gloom weather. Really, he just enjoys typically gloomy things. It's extremely comforting and relaxing to him to just be able to sit on his bed with his headphones on while it rains harshly outside, making the world around him dark and gloomy.

🎮 Curses, like a lot. Gamer rage is real you guys and he definitely has it. If he loses a game too many times or gets too frustrated with his teammates, he'll curse like a sailor. His anger isn't directly to his teammates or anything, it's of him being frustrated with everything in general.

܀⊹ ིྀ🕸 ۫ ִ ׂ💭 ◟♡ ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִ  ۫🎮ೄྀ⊹܀

[punkeropercyjackson]

Hot Topic Percy jokes will never not send me.Hot Topic?????HE'S PUNK,BLUD!!!!He gets his drips from thrift stores and diy's!!And is also poor lmao,he can't afford anything from there and he likes it that way because fuck capitalism!He went punk for the culture and history,not to impress people😭Y'all can forget Nico and Hazel too and ESPECIALLY Thalia,Percy's raising them kids so he won't let them near that shit and Hot Topic's more basic than any 2000s Barbie shit.No Sk*ter Boy Percy,face the supremacy of crustpunk and solarpunk combo Percy,tradgoth Nico,pastel goth Hazel and Sista Grrrl Thalia and afropunk Big Three Kids.Let's throw chronic pain and fatigue Nico and indie horror game protagonist-coded Hazel in.Dilf Percy also,he just has that vibe

[sordidmusings]

Just a life update and opening!

Brought up because of an ask wondering if I still do stuff here so I figured I'd put out some of whats goin on if anyone is interested! Also throwing it into the void of the internet feels less guilt inducing than forcing it on specific people especially after how overwhelmed folks tend to be cuz I'm bad at metering it out and not just being like 'light jokes about struggle that don't scratch the surface or say anything meaningful' and 'here is all the dark lore' 💀 It's also been a struggle because there really does sometimes feel like theres a whole ass language barrier within your own language when you're AuDHD.

I do still do headcanons and write and draw and yada yada there’s just been quite a bit happening and I’m doing poorly at keeping up with life maintenance let alone things I enjoy 🥴 with writing especially in my hobbies I find myself discouraged in what feels like poor quality of my writing and seeing that reflected back to me because I am Weak 💀 general overview of some of the bigger problems below the cut if you’re interested but I won’t bother y’all with the whole picture! Will be more a summary/overview/alluding to things over getting into gory details. Basically a lot will be covered but I won’t force anything below the broad strokes on y'all.

The end is an ask for people to please reach out if they are struggling so please take that seriously. I offer a space with me but please find wherever in this world you are at least somewhat comfortable and have someone be there with you while you process 🤍 I will have a header above that little piece just incase you'd like to skip to only reading that which is completely fine!

CW for mental health talks, allusions to family issues, references to rape and abuse, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

What's Up, Doc?

Between hospitalizations (old and new issues and unfortunate near misses 🤡), my couple jobs (the days my body ain’t tryin to give up and even some days it still is means back to the grindstone. Thank you capitalistic overlords 💀), money stresses (medical debt plus just like y'all know shit ain’t the best for most everyone rn), the spring struggle (nightmares + flashbacks get worse from seasonal + anniversaries of men not caring for consent amongst other things lmaoooo), the mental health slew (diagnosed with AuDHD and most of the big hitters besides a personality disorder), and a few other life happenings and old traumas I’m doing a terrible job at everything 🤡 most of it ain’t new so I know all the proper things to do to help for everything from years of therapy and managing the symptoms and all that but dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s hasn’t been offering any relief for a long while so I’m floundering and quite exhausted.

The health issues making everything difficult and painful ain’t helping but I’m also not being the best at taking care of some of them because Why Bother 💀 Many are issues I’ve had for years that ebb and flow in severity and I’m just tired of feeling them and having to manage them. I’m sure any of you with chronic issues understand the feeling well. Those with years and years of major depressive disorder probably also understand the frustration and exhaustion and guilt with knowing you should enjoy something, you WANT to enjoy it, but your body just can’t produce the reaction it should.

I tend to isolate because I’m managing it poorly enough that the topic tends to crop up with the closer few if they ask and that goes Badly cuz, even if they think they won’t, people get uncomfy with the topics which just makes me feel Worse from guilt and sometimes frustration from it being passed over for their comfort or lack of understanding. I am lucky enough to have more recently found one person who Gets It and a beloved soul from lovely old Jersey came back into my life so the bigger problem in that situation is me allowing myself to consistently receive support from them 🤡 One’s so sweet always telling me I can call any time and the other is of the same vein and my dumbass brain keeps being like “but that would bother them” or the usual “you deserve to get worse not get help” 🤡🤡🤡. Clown ass behavior.

Also some bad coping mechanisms make my typing and communication sloppy as hell and I’m quite ashamed of that so best hide that away while it’s going on 💀 due to insistence that it’s Fine I have forgone that instinct to what feels like very Poor Result 🥴 ah the eternal struggle between needing to be Seen to fight the sense of isolation and worthlessness but also being petrified of being perceived while imperfect. Not having any of the connections really be in person doesn’t help too much with feelings isolation because I don't really have anyone around me besides parents that have literally said "why are you making us deal with this" about the intentional near death miss 💀💀💀 my immediate world feels very much like it wants me gone in explicit and subtle ways but c'est la vie. Beggars can’t be choosers so at this point I’m likely just being ungrateful 🤡

One thing making it harder to keep trying is my folks’ years of insistence that I don’t understand my own experience and I’m just dramatic and make things up. It’s an echo of many painful experiences including a whole group intentionally playing games with my sense of reality to enable their friend’s abuse (they got unconsensual nudes from him out of it so that’s worth the price of treating someone like that right?). Such is life.

One of the new things I’m uncertain how to approach handling properly is the grief and such shifting back to the forefront from the first anniversary of my childhood brother figure being taken from us by his bipolar depression. I have known people taken by suicide before but not this close to home. My childhood wasn’t the happiest but he and his family were a bright place in it. His little sister was my best friend in the whole world through my childhood and their family treated me more like family than my own. He was the best mix of a good and bad influence in an older brother figure I could’ve wished for. He fought long and hard but exhaustion hits us all, sometimes even with proper help. What eternally pains me is knowing how helpless and scared he must have felt and even worse how absolutely alone he felt. That was his last feeling in this life. I can only hope that more than anything, whatever happens next is giving him relief, peace, and rest.

Talk on reaching out below!

On that note, if any of you experience suicidality too, my messages (or ask if you’re more comfy on anon) are always open. This is an issue that’s been in my life in many forms since I was 12, so I will not shy away from you or your thoughts. Even if shared with something uncomfortable or "ugly", I find the discomfort of sitting with someone’s pain negligible in comparison to being the one in pain so why not prioritize that person in their need? It’s also negligible under the importance of truly holding space to process those hurts and stresses instead of just simple little niceties.

I am not the best at being active but if I see any of these messages especially we will truly talk. I know how insanely isolating and disappointing it can feel when someone offers support to be nice and then shoves to the next topic or barely responds because it makes them uncomfortable. It is a bitter pill we must often swallow to forgive those who think they will help for making things worse because they have bit off more than they can chew. It is also a bitter feeling that that reaffirms to us that by our very nature, we are too much to handle and are too much to deal with for sharing our internal space and circumstance. But at the same time, all of us are simply human so who am I to malign someone for making mistakes or being imperfect? So long as someone truly wants to try, there is all the reason in the world to give them grace.

Qualifications kind of???

The one good thing that has come from a lot of the experiences that I’ve gone through is that it has forced perspective on me and forced me to learn skills in holding space, validating, and connecting to others in immense pain. No one is perfect in this skill (even therapists struggle - the number who have said they don’t know where to start untangling the traumas or who have cried at it and in turn needed comfort 💀 a strange experience I know my darling at least gets too lol) but I have found in both giving and receiving that honesty and openness is W A Y more important than being perfect.

This is something I’ve watched more people struggle with than not as life circumstances has not made it so that they must learn the skill at the same time that there are resources to learn it, so I may make more posts with advice for it than the bit I go through here. I’m not a licensed therapist so this isn’t going to be a clinical breakdown of how to be someone’s therapist but I would consider my experience as a confidant, consistent reading up on psychological and related sociological research, and experience going through various forms of therapy worthy of giving solid advice. Unfortunately, co-morbidities and resistant brain chemistry really make using the skills on myself Difficult 💀 but as brief examples of experience for validity speaking on this, I’ve been to a lot of group therapy where licensed therapists literally coach you on this, guided a safe space/group for SA survivors in college, coached friends who couldn’t afford therapy through suicidality or abusive situations, and coached survivors through feelings and decisions when deciding whether or not to charge or going through the process of charging their abuser. All of which is much easier to be effective to people you know irl but the support online can be nothing to snub your nose at either. None of this is to say I'm perfect or exceptional - neither is true - just that I’ve had circumstances and experiences that afford me a bit of extra knowledge in this.

In the vast majority of cases, someone who is struggling and coming to you for help wants you to be there - your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective. They don’t want someone sitting uncomfortably and saying the occasional “sorry” they want engagement because more than anything they don’t want to be alone. In a basic example, if you find yourself freezing when someone comes to you with something you don’t know how to handle, instead of saying nothing or only short cliches due to fear of making a mistake, be honest about that. “I’m not sure what to say right now to be honest because that’s so much to deal with. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time. Is there anything in it frustrating you the most or that you’re having the most difficulty tackling?”. This is active listening and engagement. You are being honest with where you are at so they aren’t guessing what you’re thinking, you are showing that you see how overwhelming the situation is, especially for the person who has to live with it. If you can’t handle a conversation where these issues exist, how do you think it feels to live with them day in and day out, sometimes for years or the majority of a life?

Asking questions is SUPER important too. Trust the other person to only share what they are comfortable with and don’t assume all questions are bad. Asking questions is one of the truest and simplest ways to show you care because why would you want to know more if you don’t give a shit? Asking questions is also very helpful and one of the reasons talking to others about your issues is important - it gives the person struggling something to react to and give perspective. It helps them process the issue in ways they won’t be able to do by themselves. This may make the process sound slightly manufactured but I promise it’s not, especially as it becomes second nature to know what thing to use when. Communication is a skill so advice around it will inherently make it sound more clinical than the actual process is.

People are also not a monolith so while this type of being there works for the vast majority some people may not like it. That is also where communication comes in - check in with the person on if this is helping and what isn't helpful. Make sure to adjust when you make a mistake.

Conclusion

I’m happy to hold space for other issues as well. I’m no replacement for a therapist but I’ve been a helpful supplement to many people I knew struggling throughout the years so I’m at least okay at that! Since I’m doing pretty bad functionally right now the help won’t be as consistent as I wish but I will give whatever is in my power just like these things deserve. I hope to get better soon so that I can properly offer a stronger foundation of support outward again 🤍

[dragonagitator]

BG3 fanfic idea:

Modern Character in Faerun fic in which the author self-insert suffers from whatever chronic illnesses and disabilities the author suffers from IRL and Shadowheart inadvertently cures them all the first time she casts Lesser Restoration for something.

It turns out that you weren't that far off all those times you'd joked back on Earth that "God nerfed me by giving me [condition] because he knew I'd be too OP without it."

And all that extra effort you used to have to expend every day just to minimally function? That was like a lifelong intensive weightlifting program for your willpower because you were constantly forcing yourself to do things despite all the pain, fatigue, brain fog, nausea, etc. Once you're freed of the shackles of your chronic illnesses and disabilities, you're able to utilize that power in ways chronically healthy and lifelong abled people could never dream of.

Title idea: "Traded My Spoons For Knives"

Lore caveats: Lesser Restoration canonically cures the conditions diseased, poisoned, paralysis, and blinded. If you're missing body parts and want them back then you'll need to wait for the 7th-level divine magic spell Regenerate, which can't be learned in game because character progression is capped at level 12 but should be achievable fairly quickly in a post-game story because clerics and druids get access to 7th-level spells as soon as they hit level 13. If that causes you to inadvertently regenerate body parts that you didn't want back, the 9th-level spell True Polymorph can permanently (with your consent) change your healthy/whole baseline to something else. You'll need a level 18+ wizard to cast it, which Gale was before the orb since he was an archmage, and it's certainly plausible that removing the orb would allow him to bounce back to his old character level without needing to grind XP to get there.

(Inspired by memories of taking Adderall for the first time. That was a REVELATION, y'all. You mean I wasn't just stupid and lazy this whole time? This is what I can do when my brain actually works right? If my physical disabilities and chronic illnesses could also be cured/treated as instantaneously, I'd be unstoppable.)

(Also, how is it that as soon as I start writing my first attempt at fanfic, I start generating ideas for new fanfics faster than I can even write the ideas down much less ever actually write any of the stories?)

[theravenkin]

this is gonna be me projecting (and also losing my FUCKING MIND over finishing greywaren five minutes ago) but is it just me or was everyone in that goddamn book autistic

first of all: the declan childhood flashbacks...that boy is autistic as SHIT. i'm giving maggie the benefit of the doubt here and telling myself that she was implying that and not just making a joke about "haha guy is uptight and no fun as an adult he only sorted things and enforced rules and structure as a kid cus that's funny" because oh my god?? also as an adult he has "declanisms"- phrases he uses for certain situations like categories...scripting... declan baby. he is the most autistic babygirl i have ever seen holy shit oh my g

i've also always related to ronan and a big part of that is because i've always read him as autistic. i mean i've always read all the original trc characters as autistic, to be fair. but i mean? are t they? (yes, they are, because i said so. it's my special interest, i get to assign the autism)

now i understand that the larger metaphor is about chronic illness, and i'm in love with that. i don't think autism is the main thing there. but i don't think it's not there, just as depression and bpd (imo but thats another post) aren't not there. (it's art, it's literature, it's open for interpretation.) but what i keep thinking about: chronic illnesses like epilepsy, hypermobility disorders, mitochondrial disorders, and several others mt end to be comorbid with autism. and as someone who is both autistic and deals with chronic illness/chronic pain (and who has several friends who are in the same boat), autism and chronic illness often seem intertwined to me. idk, just thoughts

ALSO. y'all heard people comparing being autistic/neurodivergent to speaking a different "language" than allistic/neurotypical people? THE WHOLE THINF ABOUT THE DREAM WORLD SPEAKING A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE THAT COULDNT BE TRANSLATED INTO ANY HUMAN UNDERSTANDING. thinking also about how autistic people so often feel like (and are compared to) aliens or otherworldly beings. how changeling children in folklore were probably just autistic kids but were etched in canon as erdrich creatures. how sometimes i wanna become that eldritch creature that others seem to think i am...

also, also: the theme of masks and "other selves" running throughout the entire series, even in trc. declan is the most obvious masker as an adult; he has to create a persona and STICK TO A SCRIPT OF THW SAME WORDS ALL THE TIME in order to feel like he's functioning and got his shit together. and then hennessey and jordan--hennessey creates a version of herself that she feels is more palatable, more socially acceptable, and that's who does all the soft skills of their operation early on. adam creates a false version of himself. ronan lies to himself about who and what he really is. matthew discovers that he's just been acting like who others want him to act like all along--that he's been suppressing his emotions and wants and needs in order to make others happy. and i know that this whole theme can translate into a lot of things, but what i've read it as since cdth is masking with autism/neurodivergence.

anyway. this has been my greywaren manifesto. i am sorry. (i'll be back later.)

[scarfacemarston]

Man, be careful out there, y'all. The stomach flu, norovirus and various food borne illnesses are really making the rounds in the U.S. I haven't been non-seizure sick in years....I guess thanks germophobia? lol I've been knocked down since Thursday and I'm still too sick to eat anything other than rice. For me, it started with nasty body aches (thought it was my chronic pain.), chills and a low fever. That went away after 24 hours before the horrible nausea and all the stuff that comes with a stomach flu popped in. It's been over 48 hours so far. Feeling better, but I was sick every 20 minutes to an hour. It's no joke so PLEASE be careful. Despite being a clean freak, I still got it.

[that-disabled-princess]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @bazzybelle for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently, eighty-three! There are a couple more I've orphaned, though.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

83,430. Damn, seeing a big number and my name in the same sentence is weird xD

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Dragon Prince, Carry On, and Nimona! I've also written for Starkid and She-Ra in the past.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The top three are Nimona haha. I jumped on the Nimona train pretty early, so I'm not surprised.

These scars that never fade [Nimona, G, 300] - 320 kudos

Bad Days [Nimona, T, 500] - 295 kudos

A Second Chance [Nimona, T, 1.6k] - 235 kudos

Kiss It Better [Carry On, T, 2.1k] - 186 kudos

Sexualities and Crises [Carry On, T, 1.5k] - 181 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love interacting with my readers, especially because a good majority of them are also friends and people I've talked to before.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ohoho, so I have been Living It Up in angst land over here! The first one that popped into my mind was a personal fic, so here's another very angsty hurt no comfort:

Lavender hearts [Carry On, M, 3.4k]

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I joked with @that-one-dingus last night that I write three kinds of fics: stupidly cute, horrifically angsty, and amazingly chaotic. In other words, I have posted lots of stupidly cute fics! 😂 This is one of my favorites with a happy/hopeful ending!

Hurting, Healing (Loving, Forgiving) [The Dragon Prince, T, 2.1k]

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yuuup. I've gotten quite a bit of arophobia on my aro Baz fic. (I believe this is when I turned off guest commenting.) I've absolutely loved stepping into writing for The Dragon Prince because people took one look at this baby aplatonic writing aplatonic Ethari and jumped right on the train. I adore y'all <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I'll write almost anything as long as it's safe, sane, and consensual. My favorite kinds of smut to write is anything using non-human parts--which is basically all my snowbaz and ruthari smut! I love getting to use the wings and tail and horns.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet, but I do have one in the works... and I'd say it's pretty chaotic. Lamb (Simon Snow)/Aaravos (The Dragon Prince) smutfic. The most top4top struggle to ever top4top struggle.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

...does translating my own fic count? I translated Worst seats known to musician-kind into Spanish!

Other than that, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I don't really want to, honestly. Knowing me, it won't be a good idea unless I trust the person I'm writing with really well.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Well okay then, this question went for the throat. Snowbaz is great and all, but ruthari... I adore ruthari. They're murder husbands and fantastic parents. I just... adore them. *holds gently*

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My disabled Baz fic. The passive--and explicit--ableism in these books is... certainly something. I really want to write a fic where Baz is disabled and has chronic leg pain, but it's just too personal. I don't know if I can continue.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I write short fics really well! I've been told I can hit people right in the feels in just a couple hundred words. I'm also good at flow and poetry-like writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing longfics, I guess. My writing is an escape, so I don't tend to look at weaknesses a lot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Sure! I love reading it when authors write other languages into their fics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, I think.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Mmm how about one from each fandom I'm active in? I love my writing, and rules are more like guidelines anyway.

Hurting, Healing (Loving, Forgiving) [The Dragon Prince, T, 2.1k] - Hurt/comfort, so much communication, aplatonic Ethari, and disabled Runaan! This one was supposed to be something much shorter and fluffier, but it turned into a longer fic with more feels. (Who gave you permission to have feelings, Runaan?) But that's fine because it was so much fun to write!

Mark of the Beast [Carry On, E, 1.5k] - Speaking of monsterfucking... I am so fucking proud of this lambden fic. It was sooo much fun to write.

Wave your flag high [Nimona, G, 300] - Supportive Ambrosius! Goldenheart doing menial household chores together! Bal gets a disability pride flag! This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. What I wouldn't give for my own disability pride flag...

Tagging @iamamythologicalcreature @hoothalcyon @legend-of-the-fandoms @youarenevertooold @stitchyqueer @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy @yeonjunenby 💖💖

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Ninjago Dragons Rising ATE and I'm here to get very excited about it

(Remember before proceeding this is all for fun and the haha sillies! We're not gonna take this to seriously and be mean right? Okay go on!) Also spoilers I think.

For starters holy FUCK the animation looks way more crispy and colorful like I want to consume it, it's just so fun! The writing also got a significant upgrade, it's still got some kinks to work out but still massive upgrade from crystalized! Moving on!

-Sora (that's it lol)

-No but really Sora is actively my child, a burnt out gifted kid with parental issues, a prosthetic arm, who's also probably nuerodivergent and lgbt in some way (just trust me lol)

-I love the detail of Sora always leading with her non prosthetic arm just really neat

-How did she get her arm McChopped cause she had it in flash backs (makes me kinda worried about future flash backs)

-Arin is literally just the fandom and I love him for it

-How much y'all wanna bet Arin had ninja merch?

-Lloyd and all the other ninja being tired of this bullshit

-Ninjago finally letting the ninja joke about their trauma, even just a little, gives me life

-Zane the literal second he gets back: I wake up and immediately I'm dealing with this shit, let me guess I'm gonna have to make dinner too?

-Zane waking up and immediately getting shit done

-All of the ninja not having any of their meds (you can't tell me that with years of fighting and tossing their bodies around that none of the human ninja have chronic pain or any problems, this isn't even mentioning the mental problems)

-They literally did the "I can still hear his voice" joke and I love it

-Cloud kingdom lowkey got retconned? Like didn't they used to be like actually legit, what happened? (maybe I'm just dumb tho)

-Lloyd is literally just on his way to become god

-Do y'all think the merge was caused by to much creation magic cause lowkey I think that's what did it but idk

That's all for now, fanart is coming cause it's pride month baby! I have nothing else to add cause otherwise I'd be here hours lol. So have a great day/night! Bye!

[mouldyfag]

intro post!

please read whole post if you'd like to interact! I'll put DNI's upfront so that they are easy to find <3 DNI: bigots, minors (I'd prefer y'all to stay away from the blog but can't control you at the end of the day) boundaries: happy for you to message first, keep it SFW, respect works both ways, don't make disparaging/offensive 'jokes' about minority groups

name: Carbon

age: 21

pronouns: they/them

location: England (derogatorily)

sexuality/romantic attraction: aromantic, and verily unsure

hobbies: gaming (minecraft & medieval dynasty are my current obsessions), crochet, art, DIY, nature ambles

music: nu metal, goth & punk and then just women being angry and screaming about their trauma

disabilities: I am a full time (ambulatory) wheelchair user due to nerve damage, chronic pain and blood pressure issues . I'm also autistic & I have some form of speech impediment so I prefer text based communication. I've also got a few trauma disorders because apparently that wasn't enough.

politics: as left leaning as they come, lived experience of minority groups always comes before the interests of the rich. ACAB, BLM, free Palestine, no war but class war, housing and healthcare for all, hopefully you get the deal.

I studied sociology for a few years and decided to turn my back on academia as it stands, it's essentially a glorified circle jerk and I'd rather spend my energy caring for my homeless friends than participating in that.

[kleio-writes]

Medusa recovering after a bad mission.

Something that wouldn't get out of my mind when talking to @arturhunter about our characters in the MWII AU getting hurt.

This one is about Medusa, specifically. And I will be writing one for Hermes this week.

This is also a little part of the AU story that we're having fun with. So these characters are already in the TF141 (or at least used for some missions). On this specific one Medusa was deployed but not Hermes. This is after a week of Medusa being at the hospital (awake). Y'all have to wait until I write the whole background about what happened with the squad Hermes and Medusa were in before. But maybe that's after this gets some attraction.

The sound of the IV dripping fills the room and the smell of the antiseptic burns her nostrils each time she inhales. Medusa was recovering in the hospital bed of a private room Hermes had asked specifically for her when she was brought out of surgery. 

She should have been dead with the amount of blood she lost but the MedEvac brought her just in time. Another scar decorated her body now, another reminder of her brush with death. Looks like it’s what she always attracted to herself, ever since birth.

She was looking out the window absentmindedly when someone knocked at the door. She looked over, thinking it was a Nurse or Doctor. Or even Ghost who was guarding her since she was brought in. If it was because of Price’s orders or just because of his guilty conscience, she didn’t know.

-Hey ‘Dusa it’s me. 

The person didn’t need to say much, she recognized the voice of her brother. The only person that would have cared about her untimely death, maybe the 141 would have cared a bit but she was nothing more but another Soldier to them. A means to an end.

She stared blankly at the door before speaking, her voice hoarse.

-Yeah come in..

Medusa goes back to staring out the window as she hears the door open. She almost wants to look and try to see if Ghost is still out there but fears showing her face even more in the process. She couldn’t trust anyone. Fuck, why can’t she just have her mask here.

 On the bright side her family thought she was dead and buried after this last mission, right after going against them too. 

Morrigan. Her last name haunted her.

Hermes entered the room with some containers in his hand. Shaking them a bit, enough to hear the inside contents move. Medusa only looks back at her brother when she hears the door close.

-Brought you some of my delicious home cooked meals, the gods know you won’t be well fed with the hospital food or the MRE later on. 

Hermes says that with his normal voice. Excited, joking a little even. It was just how his booming voice sounded. Medusa found comfort in it, even if he was too loud at the times her brain was overstimulated. But anything was better than the constant buzzing in her ears and the arrival of her chronic headaches right now.

-Oh yeah ? Finally some good food..

Medusa responds with her quiet raspy voice and smiles, her lips cracked and with a little scar that was definitely staying. Another one adorning her features. 

She hasn’t talked that much since she was isolated in this bleak hospital room for recovery. 

Ghost sure didn’t talk to her or even bother to enter the room since the day she was brought in. The same day Hermes came to visit her with a disheveled look. All rage and concern and grief by just imagining she could have died. 

Ghost hasn’t spoken to her since the day the three of them talked when she woke up from her surgery. The day when Medusa asked for Ghost to stay when he wanted to give them both privacy, when she had her face in the open. All bruises and no mask.

She tried to shake the thought of someone other than Hermes actually looking at her.

Medusa tried to get up a bit to a sitting position, she winced from the pain. Her stitches and inflamed skin were giving her hell. Of course it had to be right in her abdomen, she had been a fool in her mission.

Hermes puts the containers on the bedside table when noticing her discomfort and helps her a bit. Medusa pulls a face at the sting.

-Easy there ‘Dusa.

-I’m trying..

Now she knew why she hadn’t  attempted to talk, even breathing hurt.

After successfully sitting on the bed she finally opens her eyes and actually looks at Hermes.

-No helmet or mask again, huh ?

-What can I say, I have a pretty face.

He makes a pause and focuses on the containers with food. Not really staring at them but lost in thought. Hermes looks at Medusa again after a bit.

-Plus, what’s the point if the team already saw my pretty mug when I came looking for you ?

She hums at his answer.

He sits down on a chair next to her and starts opening the containers, using the space on the bed next to her as a table. The sound of the plastic fills the room. She takes a look.

-Damn, not even metal utensils ?

-Nope, they search us up and down before entering. I love me a bit of a wandering hand but even I think it’s excessive.

She snorts at that and winces automatically.  Damn stitches. Hermes chuckles.

Both of them eat in silence for a while until Hermes breaks the silence.

-They’re worried about you, you know ?

Medusa doesn’t say anything, just hums and eats her food. Yeah right.

-I know you think they don’t after what happened to our last squad… Those motherfuckers were just a bunch of turncoats.

He continues. She continued to chew on her food. Medusa didn’t really like reviving memories and Hermes knew it.

-What I’m trying to say is…They were really shaken up with what happened. We all thought you weren’t going to make it ‘Dusa. Hell, I was not okay but the team certainly wasn’t better. Ghost blames himself you know ?

She swallows her food thickly and puts the plastic fork down.

-That’s his job, he’s the Lieutenant. He was responsible for the mission.

-Yeah but--

-Then he’s just doing his job.

-‘Dusa you don’t understand. He’s been at the door for the past week--

-Because of Price’s orders--

-THERE IS NO ORDERS.

Medusa just stares at Hermes after their back and forth. Her green gaze saying ‘You know better’ by his outburst. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a sharp breath, groaning right after.  Getting up he paces around while speaking loudly to Medusa.

-Why can’t you understand the concept of affection when it comes from other people!? These guys actually like us, why must you be so uptight about it !? For fuck’s sake, Ghost saved your ass out there. If it wasn’t for him checking in on you at that moment and called the MedEvac you would have died Mona.

Medusa closes her eyes, trying not to wince at the screaming. She knew that. She remembers having her eyes shut from the pain, trying to hold onto her wound to make pressure but being too weak for it. She remembers how the Lieutenant shouted her callsign and dropped to his knees beside her, grabbing her and putting his hands on hers to try to stop the bleeding, but it was bad. 

She remembers his gruff voice saying “Keep your eyes open Sargeant” and “C’mon ‘Dusa don’t fall asleep”. She wanted to remove those words from her brain. The softness and the distress of his tone along with them... Was that why she allowed him to see her face when she woke up ?

Medusa looked straight at Hermes, he had used her name, he had screamed at her too. Why couldn’t he just have his mouth shut.

-You know exactly why I can’t trust them. Both of us know.

Hermes remembers. He pales at the memory and swallows dryly.

-‘Dusa look, I’m sorry--

-Out.

-‘Dusa please--

-I said out. I’m tired.

The Operator didn’t say anything else as the Sniper put the container of food on the bedside table and got herself laid down. Her back turned. 

-I’ll be back tomorrow…Maybe Soap and Gaz will visit with me. Price still has some things to work with Laswell but he will appear by the end of the week.

That was all that was said before Hermes opened the door and left Medusa alone. She sighed, wincing again at the pain.

On the other side of the door, Ghost stood there waiting, guarding. He saw Hermes getting out by his peripheral vison.

-So ?

-So, she’s on her bullshit again. Seemed a bit better though hurting a lot from the wound, but she’ll live. That’s Medusa for yah.

Ghost looked down at Hermes, face unreadable from the plain black balaclava he was using. It was weird for him not seeing Ghost with his famous skull mask. Reminding the Operator of the uncanny valley concept. Humanoid but not really Human.

Ghost’s brown eyes stared intently at Hermes. As if asking permission for something. Would the Lieutenant ever use his own words ?

-You can enter, she won’t mind since she permitted you to see her face properly before. She is cranky and a bit mad right now so just beware. Snakes bite when threatened and all of that.

Was all Hermes said before going back to base.

Do not Repost.

[pizzapasta23045]

Hey hey hey... potential additional factor in kid Kaeya sickliness, perhaps: disease resistance is, by my vague recollection, at least partially dependent on exposure and genetics and the like. Khaenri'ah presumably would not have the same sort of germs floating around as Mondstadt, so while not an issue for say Dainsleif (see: immortal schtick) I imagine he'd have been a bit susceptible to that sort of thing.

Also, medieval ish setting. Even with healing magic and alchemy, diseases likely still run a general higher risk in most of Teyvat than they typically do with modern medicine. Hm. Hold on, now I need to go down a research rabbit hole about pain killer history. does he even have teyvat brand ibuprofen.

(Y'all are so right about chronically ill Kaeya by the way. I would write it myself but... well, my personal experience would involve maybe too obvious symptoms to hide in such a physical, running reliant job- not without treatment I assume he isn't seeking. *laughs in can't be asked what my favorite food is while standing up without passing out [unmedicated]*)

🕸💐

See I really like that HC but i also think it'd be incredibly funny if Kaeya was raised in the abyss (where everything ics a thousand times more threatening) he's just like goddamn immune to anything like his immune system is like 'ahaha common cold what a joke!'.

Is it realistic to how illnesses develop? No

Is it funny? Yes, and that's what's important.

Also have you figured out anything regarding painkiller history, I found that shit interesting. Like if tyou have link send them my way I love weird research!!! (No pressure if you didn't obvs. Just curious)

Kaeya's chronic illness, in my hc, is something I keep very generic tbh. Like in my head he has like, frequent migranes, contant tiredness and slight immunodeficiency. No more specific than that.

And, like you mentioned, not too bad since medieval setting, hard job, no painkillers, lack of medical responsability on Kaeya's part. But I def do think it's much more than he should do, like he still needs to be pushing himself and shit.

(Also that sounds rough mate, hope your meds make you feel better and stuff!!!)

[baldinar]

Hello!!!! Loooove your blog, love your commitment to leaving positive messages on all of your reblogs (I posted a few gc things as frankenswhy and you were always my only intended public and I love you for that), you're soooo nicey

I wanted to interact so I will make you the most boring questions ever aha <3 did you ever play grand chase for computer? What were your favorite playable characters?

glad to know you're doing well!! we always get worried when we don't see certain blogs post for a while--- didn't know you had another blog!

the above is a half-joking rendition of our response to seeing your ask, because we are very happy to know you are okay lol

and as for our tags, as artists that have dealt with some pretty shit self-esteem issues, we know how much it can mean to get a nice comment on a piece of art. that's a big part of why we try so hard to make it clear that we love what we see!

this fandom is quiet, as it stands, but it would be deader than a ghost town without fanartists, so we're always happy to make sure y'all know we love your art!

we have yet to form a proper opinion on ai since we've been having really bad chronic pain issues and GCC is miserably bad for that, but she seems fun so far.

in all honesty though, during the game's original release, we got almost everyone to level 60, and everyone had fourth job before the servers went down in 2015! one day we hope to reach that point in GCC as well, but idk how likely that is with us working full time in manufacturing.

i think a big part of gc's charm too is that most characters have something fun about them to enjoy! learning how each character moves, as well as how their combos affect enemies around them, as well as just getting to enjoy their aesthetic (and sometimes the lack of it) is so charming!

other favorites we've enjoyed over the years are: lire, arme, lass, ley, and mari! but again: the fun of gc is getting to figure out each character! we poured sooo much time into playing this game between 2008-2015, so!!!

also imo as someone whose special interest is this game, we could literally get the most basic bitch questions and enjoy them because aaa i just love this game so much, you know??

thanks for popping an ask in the box~ <3

-vair