#Coke Prime

[somegirlsmakemenervous]

"Ha ha... oh... you're a tough guy, huh? Don't need a babysitter? We'll see about that! Yeah, you might be too old to be having a babysitter but then, the fact I'm here tells you a lot, doesn't it? Clearly your Step-Mommy doesn't think you can be left on your own, so that's why I'm here."

"Now, you can try and play nice, but frankly, I'd rather you didn't. I'd rather break you down so you'll be crying for your Mommy, long before she gets back. You wanna test me? I'll have you pissing in your pants like the little baby you are."

"Don't believe me? He he... someone just lost their bathroom privileges. Regretting that last Coke, now? Did it go right through you? You look pretty desperate, and believe me, I will stop you if you try and go in there. He he... you're looking real scared all of a sudden."

"Oh! Is me teasing you making it harder... to hold on I mean... he he... it does look like it's getting harder too though. Pee boner? Or just a little perv who secretly likes girls bossing him around? Either way, you're looking desperate for relief. Well there's an easy way to get it. All you've gotta do it let go. Do it! Show me what a little panty-pissing sissy you really are. I want to hear you beg."

"Are you ready to be a good boy? Well show me the waterworks. Ha ha... and I don't mean I want you to cry, not yet anyways. No... you're gonna feel the shame that only comes from having steaming hot piss running down your legs in front of a hot girl. Look at you trembling, you can feel it, can't you? That need to submit to me. Do it!"

*Psssssssssss*

"Oopsie... He he he... another day, another boy's bladder broken. Didn't take long, did it? Never does. And don't think we're done with this. For the next few hours, you're mine. You're gonna be pissing your pants, over, and over again until your Step-Mommy gets home. And at least once more after that, because she should get to see this too. Make sure she gets her money's worth for my time!"

[kibbzle]

DAKOTA COLE!!!!!

It took a whole two seconds for him to become my favourite in prime defenders

[singingcicadas]

A popular thing I can never get behind in the TF fandom is somehow Optimus is always The Dad Figure TM? None of the continuities I’ve read/watched has ever given me that vibe. Mentor figure, sure. Older brother. That weird cross between older brother and father. The dubbed version of G1 in my country literally has the Autobots calling him “big brother” so I guess that affects my impression. 

Like honestly the closest I can relate to Dad!Optimus is the Optimus in tfp and idw, and that’s more like, a patriarch. A father in the sense kings are fathers to their people. Bayverse OP also falls a little into this category. They care a lot for their Autobots, there’s love and friendship and devotion, but they’re also distanced by the weight of leadership. The duty of Prime (and all the baggage that comes with it), always comes first, before any personal connections. 

The rest: Cyberverse Optimus is def big brother. Tfa OP is a young guy in over his head and trying to herd cats. Wfc OP is vulnerable both physically and emotionally, stubborn but in constant need of reassurance; Bumblebee’s mental state is more stable than his. 

[d1g1tald1saster]

Cant believe they’re totally well and good and just going across the world adventuring as humans!

[sonnymoonlight]

French Montana ft. Curren$y - So High

[jrwi-fanapalooza]

Let Day 2 of the kissing polls begin!

Pictures and reasons under the cut

Timothy Rand (BitB)

He's most kissable in the sense that he's someone who I think needs to be kissed and showed affection the most. Rand's been through a lot (pre and post bitb) and I feel like he really does need someone to just love and take care of him. He needs a soft kiss or two from people to remind him he's loved and there are people who care about him. Especially after his friends 'abandoned' him and left him. With all the guilt and just general self-inflicted suffering he needs someone other than his mother who'll show him some sort of care and love. Rand needs kisses. Give them to him :( he so stinky I love him he needs a kiss kiss to make him realise he's loved and should try to pick up his life again.

Dakota Cole (PD)

I'm gay and hes a little silly. I appreciate his optimism and idealism, I want to give him a gay lil kiss.

[7er1ch0]

I'm making my way through TFP right now... did Ratchet just take drugs?!  Look I know this whole show kicked off with Megatron huffing some dead god’s ashes, but this took me off guard.   

[transxfiles]

been watching the new fallout show.

[dreaminginmysoup]

Can we make shatterspace versions of our ocs A Thing please?

Anyway, in Neo Yoke Coke the Bear and Zest the Rat are now Pepsi the Bear and Rind the Rat, Pepsi owns an old fashioned ice cream and soda shop and Rind has a bakery, their businesses are right across the street from one another and they have a not so friendly rivalry.

Cocaine the Bear belongs to @lunapegasus

[saltielena]

jrwishipping is great guys it is i swear (in shambles)

theres a fine line between “how alterous do i want this relationship to be” and i walk it like a tightrope girl

like yeah prime defenders is so normal that dakota cole did a tango with william wisp and said “eyes on me” or whatever and that meant nothing. dakota wasnt even like controlled during that was he. why. why ar eyou. yorue so homophobic but sooo gay.

and by all means i dont know What to do with albatrio. its genuinely. its a problem. fish snd chips is a given whatever but jay ferin deserves her t4t fish girlfriend <3 chip bastard voice this is my girlfriend gillion tidestrider hero of the sea champion of the deep and heres her scary girlfrien jay ferin

i cant do anything with apotheosis. thats. please watch it if you havent. its so catastrophically worth it.

but blood in the bayou? hahhaHhahahahahahaahh hagahaa . why are you GAY!!! its the EIGHTIES dude all that homso sexual actuviity is gonna get u turned into a WHAM!!! CLCICLCOCICKCLXKICICJCLLCICICKL

im so fuckigng sleepy

[somegirlsmakemenervous]

"Yeah, hindsight's 20/20 I know but... I told you another coke before bedtime was a bad idea. Just goes right through you and, well... into your pants by the looks of it. And I don't need 20/20 vision to see that wet patch!"

Image Source

[nightgarla]

what do you mean there were traces of cocaine in riksdans bathrooms 😭😭😭

[quietmtntown]

OOOH! yeah good on SP for talking about this.. LP can jump off a cliff for selling this to kids.. thats too much for an adult let alone a child..

[rampersuad]

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[incorrectbatfam]

Rating mental breakdown spots in Gotham

Gotham subways: 5/10. Can blast emo music through your headphones. Train occasionally stalls. Other passengers too burned out to notice you. 

Gotham U: 10/10. You're likely not the only one. School mascot hands out free tissues. 

Batburger: 8/10. Semi-public depending on seating. Tears make the fries soggy. Line cooks are wrestling in the background. 

Crime Alley: 0/10. People think you're drunk. You're a prime mugging target. Kids laugh at you.

Sewers: -2/10. Smells bad. 50% chance of Croc attack. 

Iceberg Lounge: 3/10. Judgy rich snobs. Bathroom full of people doing coke. Drinks too expensive to drown yourself in. 

Wayne Gala: 4/10. Also judgy rich people. Must dress formally. Can't stick your head in chocolate fountain. Dick Grayson will become your therapist whether you like it or not. 

[qqueenofhades]

i do genuinely hesitate to ask, as i am sure i will find out more than i meant to in time, but atm my various feeds and an uninformed google are not telling me what most recently exploded about the british government, so if you have the time and the inclination i'm agog for your summary/take

HOO BOY. It has been a Things Exploding In the British Government day to the extent that in the hour-odd between my previous post and this one, I had to go back and check if anything ELSE had exploded while I wasn't looking. Everything that they are currently denying will probably be confirmed within the next 12 hours or less, though, so nobody get too comfortable.

Anyway, we all remember how Liz Truss succeeded Boris Johnson as Prime Minister, met the Queen, the Queen immediately fucking croaked which honestly was the funniest time she could possibly have done it, the country ground to a total halt for ten days, and then when it got going again, Truss and her chancellor (aka finance minister, for those of you happily ignorant of British politics), Kwasi Kwarteng, proposed a Thatcherite wet-dream economic plan of unfunded massive tax cuts for rich people, because something something Stimulate Growth. We are also generally aware that this crashed the pound through the floor, blew up people's mortgages and other mildly important bills, and did nothing to deal with the actual energy bills/cost of living crisis currently engulfing the UK. Oops.

After absolutely everybody, including the commie socialists at the Bank of England, screamed OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU MORONS DOING???, and the day after Kwarteng insisted he would absolutely remain in post and he had 100% confidence in the Plan, he... got sacked for creating this, the Plan that Truss had asked him to deliver and which had won her the Tory party members' election. This made him officially the second-shortest serving chancellor in UK history aside from the guy who literally died in office. Womp womp. That will be a pub quiz answer for you. You're welcome.

Having spent all this time hiding from the press, then giving eight-minute press conferences during which you could literally track the pound crashing in real time, and performing more U-turns than a dancing dashboard hood ornament, Liz Truss took a break from her busy schedule of conducting the Economic Disaster Waltz in the key of B Fucked to appoint Jeremy Hunt as the new chancellor. Jeremy Hunt is mostly notable for being a Tory who can put his pants on without assistance and being a genteel failure at all the previous cabinet posts he's held, which is why he is now regarded as a "safe pair of hands" in a party that has dissolved into a lot of shit-flinging coked-up gibbons who can only scream BREXIT BREXIT BREXIT and IMMIGRATION IS BAD!!! (Side note: they recently had to cancel a festival designed to "celebrate the freedoms of Brexit" due to logistics issues associated with, you guessed it, Brexit. That is not directly relevant to the current clusterfuck, but it is too funny not to include.)

To nobody's surprise, Jeremy Hunt then ripped up the entire economic plan and offered a new one, which was not measurably better than the last one but at least reversed some of the most egregious cuts, and which made everyone ask if Liz Truss had been tied up and duct-taped in the boot of a Range Rover and/or if Hunt had secretly staged a coup with the help of Larry the Downing Street Cat and taken over the government. Probably nobody in the Tory party would mind very much if he had, because they were all busy either planning how to oust Truss or publicly denying that they were indeed planning to oust Truss. One of the popular names for her successor? Boris Johnson! No, I am not making this up. Maybe this has all been a horrible dream and we're going to wake up and find that BoZo is back in charge, after massive public scandal for being a serial liar, which he had been from Day 1, finally made him resign. I repeat, what even the hell is going on here. Nobody knows. Meanwhile, Hunt is warning about even more budget austerity and "eye-watering" cuts to public services that can least afford it, because the last decade didn't result in quite enough preventable deaths for the Tories' tastes, and because they have been forced into this by a car crash completely of their own making.

....anyway. This brings us, more or less, to today. Yesterday, Truss refused to commit to protecting something called the pensions triple lock, which guarantees that old-age pensions (the UK form of social security) will rise in line with inflation, costs, or earnings. A) Inflation in the UK is now at a whopping 10.1%, and B) given as old people are literally the only demographic still willing to vote for the Tories, this miiiiiight seem like an even more unnecessarily stupid and self-sabotaging idea. Sure enough, U-Turn Number Eight Million was duly performed this morning, and Truss insisted she had always intended for the triple lock to be protected. But would Universal Credit and other welfare/benefits programs also be adjusted upward for inflation? HELL NAH! THOSE ARE FOR POOR PEOPLE! GROSS!

This, however, was only the beginning of the unpeeling of the latest idiot banana. Keir Starmer, riding high on the back of recent polls that have given Labour a 36-point lead and predicted that the Tories could be left with as few as 22 seats in Parliament if a general election was called tomorrow (leaving the SNP as the official opposition), appeared at Prime Minister's Questions and got to shoot fish in a barrel. Truss did not dissolve into a pile of goo on the floor and/or have a bucket of water thrown on her and melt into Margaret Thatcher, so that was taken as a win. Well, at least for two hours or so. Then Suella Braverman, the ex-Attorney General who had briefly run for the leadership when BoZo resigned, and who exists along with Priti Patel in order to prove that in the modern Tory party, women of color can heroically be just as much as awful xenophobic monsters as crusty old white dudes, resigned as Home Secretary. Did you even know she was Home Secretary? Neither did she. She took over Patel's job in a bid to apparently make Patel look cute and cuddly by comparison, as she is even more determined to do horrible things to migrants as much as possible. The official reason given for her resignation was that she sent an official document from her personal email account, and this had something to do with immigration and/or the Office of Budget Responsibility forecast that the Tories have, in the valiant spirit of freedom, resisted actually publishing for any of their current economic plans. CONSERVATIVES ARE GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY!! yell people on both sides of the Atlantic. Oh-kay.

Anyway, Braverman used her resignation letter to blast Truss for pretending that everything was fine and dandy, which means the BUT HER EEEEEEMAILS was absolutely just an excuse and even she wanted off this sinking ship as fast as possible. Grant Shapps is now the Home Secretary. It's not important. The point is, if more ministers start resigning, the government will probably implode just as it did when they deserted BoZo en masse. What the hell happens then? Fuck if anyone knows. Since they will, as noted, get absolutely cosmically annihilated if they call a General Election, the Tories will resist doing that with all their might (the next one isn't due until 2024, which is about 1004329 years away at the current rate that time is passing here). Truss was already elected by a tiny minority of the country (about 160,000 Tory party members). STICK RISHI SUNAK IN THERE AND CHANGE THE RULES AGAIN?? HECK, SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN! KEEP THOSE MUSICAL CHAIRS COMING, CHAPS!

(Also: we will recall the Daily Star's Lettuce Cam, where a picture of Liz Truss has been placed next to a head of lettuce to see if she is kicked out of office before it rots away. It now has a special companion, Tofu. This is because Braverman, just yesterday, gave a speech attacking the latest round of climate protesters as being spurred on by Labour, the Lib Dems, and the "Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati," which she doubtless thought was a very clever line at the time. Because British Twitter is British Twitter, the Tofu: 1, Braverman: 0 jokes have been rife.)

And since we are still not done: tonight, Labour forced a vote on a fracking ban which was being treated as a de facto confidence vote in the government. Aka if the Tories voted for it, they would be considered to be defying the government. Because Britain is a cartoon country run by clowns, the method of Parliamentary voting literally involves walking through Door A for Aye and Door B for Nay. The "whips," or the people whose job it is to assure that party members vote according to the government's position, have thus been known to physically stuff recalcitrant MPs through these doors, because Hail Britannia, or something. So we soon had reports that the anti-fracking vote was, dare I say it, a total clusterfrack, and the Tory whips were literally throwing crying Tory MPs through the Nay door so they would Vote To Support The Government. This sounds like a beginning to a Monty Python sketch, but it is just another ordinary evening in British politics in 2022! (Did Truss herself vote? Or BoZo, Patel, or any of the other Tory big beasts? Nope. Evidently she was "too distracted" with all the other crises going on, which probably means she just didn't want to show her face or she might get killed. Hard to blame her.)

So: the fracking ban was defeated, Labour MPs were like "oh my god the sheer clownery," even Tory MPs were spitting mad, we soon had more rumors that both the Tory chief whip and the deputy chief whip had resigned (currently in the Official Denial stage, so yeah, that will be confirmed before tomorrow morning), and I haven't even mentioned the part where one of Liz Truss's press aides admitted that they used to lie about various relatives of hers having just died so Truss didn't have to do interviews (actual quote: "just aunts and cousins, not any major relatives!"). We all wondered if that wasn't actually a lie but the minor members of the Truss family had voluntarily decided to die rather than have anyone know that they were related to her. Either that or she just sent MI6 after them. It's entirely possible.