#Comedy Pole show

[nezoid]

Stay in your lane Bob Odenkirk!

One of the most hilarious moments on Comedy Pole Show with comedy greats Bob Odenkirk & Triumph The Insult Comic Dog.

Shot by Diozen Oasin (​⁠​⁠​⁠​@nezoid )

Edited by Christina Calph

[abouttofillhisshoes]

lenaaaaaa god help me I’m so high rn I’m thinking about mpind matty pole dancing ans also giving girlie a lap dance fhis isnt good or my health I think

dont be shy pass the spliff

also mpind comeback after a bunch of wank everyone be happy x

Love me - Matty Healy

A/N: bit wanky, barely spell checked except for @beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff 's weird sim reactions to whatever i write. Legend anon i hope this is filthy enough for you my love xx

wc: 4.5k

content warnings: smut, fluff, tw: my shitty comedy, handjobs, strip clubs, its george's birthday!!, begging, teasing, lap dance, matty in lingerie pt. 43, mentions of alcohol, lots of swearing, cumplay, grinding, it gets a bit sappy guys soz, sub!Matty

“A strip club? Are you never scared of being a cliché?” you scoff as the venue comes into view, strobing neon flashing in your face. The summer night is warm, a breeze kissing your skin as the gravel crackles under your feet, your quite high heels still not making you taller than George. 

His birthday, the big one eight, was today, and his chosen place was of course, a local strip club.

“If that cliché is seeing half naked girls, no.” he sniggers, Matty’s bickering with Ross and Hann faintly heard behind you. You hook your arm into his as you approach the bouncer, the line surprisingly short. 

“I forget you're an actual man sometimes.”

“How can you possibly forget?!” he lets go, flexing his muscles at you as some sort of display of masculinity, making you giggle behind your hand.

Matty takes this ample opportunity to swoop in from behind, pressing the side of his body up against yours. The four of you watch George proudly present his real I.D to the bouncer, a wide smile on his face as he takes it from him. The bloke gives him a weird once-over, waving him and the rest through without a hitch. 

It's bright inside, but not in the way you would assume. Different colored lights strobe around, switching every 20 seconds or so, the heavy bass of the music thrumming through your veins. Matty hangs on your arm as you look around, George immediately booking it to a booth with a stage as the table, wanting the best front row seat to the show. You roll your eyes at his eagerness, but then again, who could blame him? 

Everyone files into the booth, George ending up wedged in the corner of the seating, uncomfortable but glass he could stretch his legs out under the table. 

“Round of pints on me, happy birthday G. '' Everyone cheers, excluding Hann, who glares at Matty from across the table.

“Oh so now you have money? What about last week?” Ross lets out a quiet snigger, liking this turn of events. 

“Shut up you cunt, it's G’s birthday! Lighten up a bit, old man.” 

“Matty when I get my fucking hands on you-” Ross to the rescue, he presses a hand to his mate’s chest, keeping him seated. 

“Alright girls, break it up.” he gives up, mouthing a curt ‘fuck you’ at Matty, rolling his eyes. 

The waitress returns from the bar, bringing a platter of glasses with her. She sets them down, smiling at you before walking away, the neon lights of the club making her eyes shimmer. 

“Cheers, happy 18th mate.” Matty plants a wet kiss on George’s face, making him squirm away in disgust. 

“Get off you grade A wanker, your girl’s right there.” You blow him a kiss as Matty turns to you, licking a fat stripe up the side of your face, from your jaw to your cheekbone. Everyone at the table groans at his odd display of affection, Ross dramatically shielding his eyes and muttering incoherently as Matty finally sits back down, downing the rest of his pint. 

Sure enough, right in the middle of Hann’s interesting story about his last date, a dancer comes over to the table. She climbs up, eyeing George, twirling around the pole a few times before doing this flip you didn't even know was humanly possible. The bralette she’s wearing glimmers in the light, reflecting off and into your eyes, distracting you.  

George stares blatantly, eyes raking up and down her body as she dances, not letting her leave his line of sight. It's so obvious and she smirks at him, turning her body to face his direction before bending over, exposing her cleavage even more.  

“Don't be a knob.” you hiss, not wanting to seem rude.

“She’s fit and it's quite literally her job!” a small laugh escapes the woman as she goes to speak, flattered at the exchange. 

“It’s alright love, look all you want.” 

“See!” George shouts a bit too loudly, proud of his correctness in strip club etiquette.

You sigh, nodding at her as Matty pokes your side. 

“She is fit.” you whisper quietly, gesturing to her. Matty perks up, shoving you in offense.

“I'm fitter, don't forget.” you giggle at the statement, refusing to give him the satisfaction of agreeing with him.  

“She’s literally sparkling, I need to know what brand that is.” The rhinestone adorned lingerie set she was wearing captivated everyone at the table, hugging her curves in all the right places.  

“Who’s to say I'm not either?” your eyes widen slightly at the implication, but you brush him off.

“Shut it, don't be a tosser.” his hand grips yours right before he speaks, bringing it down to the waistband of his jeans. “I’m not.”

He uses your fingers to pull it down about an inch, revealing a pretty string of purple under his bottoms. Your breath hitches at the realization, eyes snapping up to meet his. Was he serious? Now?

“It’s George’s birthday.” you state, voice hushed so the others could overhear your conversation. Hann was already off to buy another round, leaving Ross and George to make ‘friendly’ conversation with the dancer, shamelessly staring at her tits the entire time. “He won't mind, just look at him.” 

Sure enough, George is ogling the dancer, lips parted and being such a boy it hurts. She’s clearly enjoying the attention as he leans forward, stuffing a wad of cash into the flimsy waistband of her thong, smirking. 

“He’s already imagining a future with her, look!”

She sets a paper crown on his head with the words ‘birthday boy’ on it, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. A boyish blush spreads onto George’s face as her kiss leaves a mark of lipstick, Ross quickly snapping a photo of him to take the piss when they left.   

“He desperately needs a lay, it's sad.” you comment, knowing it had been ages since his last girlfriend or even hookup, too focused on his coursework and music to go out more than the few times you forced him to. 

“So do I, so I'd prefer it if we didn't drag this out.” 

Matty gets up, climbing over you despite your quite loud protests, announcing his trip to the dance floor. You wait a few moments before following him, the sway of his hips and faint back muscles under his mesh shirt flexing as he walks, convincing you to just go with it, hoping whatever he had planned wasn't totally scandalous and wouldn't get you kicked out of the place. 

He turns right past the dance floor, leading you into a narrow corridor off to the side. You catch up to him, close behind him as he slips a dancer some cash, nodding as he makes his way to the door at the end of the hall. Matty rushes in before you, the door almost slamming in your face. ‘Private room’ flashes back at you in yellow neon, making you raise your eyebrows.

The room is dark for the first few seconds as you hear Matty shuffling. Suddenly, the room lights up, giant mirrors covering the walls and ceiling, reflecting the light back and forth. You glance around, eyes landing on Matty. 

A tall pole is the centerpiece of the room, pink metal running from the floor to the ceiling. Matty leans on it, left hand wrapping around it as he spins, smirking at you as you watch him, something stirring inside of you. 

“Did you plan this?” you ask, a skeptical look on your face.

“Maybe.” his fingers run up his chest, playing with his nipples right in front of you. His voice drips with lust, coating your mind with only a few words, making it difficult to get even semi-coherent sentences out.

“Jesus, you're mental.” you gasp softly as he moves, fluid and sure, captivating you with every change of direction.

“But you love me, now sit.” you listen, not knowing what else you were meant to do in this situation. The chair is soft, cushions letting you settle in comfortably. 

“Everything is so pink.” you mutter, gesturing to the mirror frames and pole, every surface some variation of the same color.

“Sort of the point, yeah? To set the mood.” he smirks, trailing his hands up his waist, letting his nails graze against his skin, mimicking the same thing you do to him. “Mood for what?”

“You’ll see, be patient.” you roll your eyes at his words, the palms of your hands rubbing against the soft pillow of your chair. “That's rich.” 

“Please, for me?” He sounds so sweet, like he was asking you to bring him a glass of water, not to stay still while he touched himself in front of you. 

“We both know I can't deny you.” 

“How true.” he sucks in a deep breath, throwing his head back as he holds eye contact. 

“Watch.” 

“What do I-?” you stutter over your words, your heart beating rapidly against your chest as he feels himself up, fingers ghosting over his tattoos.

“Me, keep your eyes on me.”

He turns his attention back to the pole next to him, strutting around it as the music from the dancefloor dictates his movements, his back pressed to the cool metal. Matty parts his lips as he slides down it, running a hand over his chest performatively, watching your every reaction. 

Your breathing becomes more shallow as he moves, thousands of fantasies running through your mind. He knows the effect he has on you, everything he does is purely to rile you up, make you lose your composure. 

“You’re mad, this is-” he cuts you off with a sly smile.

“Incredibly hot? I’d rather you enjoy the show than talk over it.” you scrunch up your face at the implication that this was a performance, even if you did expect nothing less from Matty. 

“Show?”

He runs a hand through his slightly messed up hair, showing off his neck as you stare at him, biting your lip between your teeth to keep from embarrassing yourself. 

“I hate you.” you mumble as the music changes, some hip-hop song coming on. The faint cheers of the people outside are barely audible, but it serves to remind of just where you were. The guys were still at the table, most likely speculating the reason as to why the two of you have been missing that long, Ross surely already making crude comments that neither Hann nor George wanted to think about.

“You won't if you just wait.” you grip the edge of your seat, blushing profusely as he struts over to you, wrapping his arms around your neck. His breath is hot against your neck, leaning over you as he settles into your lap. You finally clock it.  

“Stay still.” he ‘orders’, attempting to mimic the way you speak to him when he doesn't listen.

“Are you giving me a lap dance?” he frowns at you, shaking his head in disappointment. A chuckle escapes you as the reality of the situation dawns on you. 

“No need to define it darling, let it be abstract.” of course he’d say something like that, try to salvage the ‘artistic’ affair, failing miserably. 

“You’re giving me a fucking lapdance, christ.” it's genuinely amusing. Your heart swells up at the thought of all the effort that went into this. Paying off the dancer with god only knows how much money, turning you on at the table just enough so you’d follow him, and probably even setting up the lighting in the room himself. 

“You're such a bore, let me have my fun.” he kisses you, giggling into your mouth. His lips are warm against yours, your lip gloss rubbing off on him. “Oh, I will.” you promise, letting your hands fall limp as he grips your shoulders, rocking his hips back and forth. His movements are exact, practiced even as he grinds down onto you before lifting his body back up, bringing his hip tattoo up to eye level. 

You don't think, mind clouded with desire and want. His shirt had ridden up a bit, and your rough tongue drags across the inked skin, warm against it as he shudders, feeling his cock twitch in his pants at the sensation. 

“No touching the dancers” he tuts, coming back down on top of you.

“I’m exempt from that rule.” you say, your voice surprisingly steady despite the white hot heat pooling between your legs.

“According to whom?” 

“You.”

You let your hands settle onto his waist, gripping him so hard you were sure there’d be bruises the next day.

“Fuckk, yeah okay,” he groans, the pressure on the front of his jeans increasing as all the blood in his head rushes south, his mind hazy. 

“C’mon baby, finish your little performance.”

He moves to get off, smirking as you let him. You can see indents in his skin where you grabbed him, the sight making your breath hitch. He circles around you like a predator does his prey, wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

His hands trail up your chest, fingers grazing over your exposed collarbones. Your skin flushes under his touch and you let out a soft moan at the feeling, earning a proud smile from Matty. 

“You’re so gorgeous. I have to force myself to not get hard whenever you look at me.” his voice is sultry against your ear, making goosebumps bloom on the skin of your neck. “Oh, way to exaggerate.” you snigger, not quite believing him. 

“Honest truth.” he swears, instinctively doing the ‘scouts honor’ sign with his hand. 

You snort, your little giggling fit interrupted by his mouth trailing sickly sweet kisses up your neck and to your jaw.

It doesn't take him long to make his way back around, your heart skipping a beat when he comes back into view. His chest is glistening with sweat, the warm temperature of the room clearly getting to him. Most notably, you notice the front of his jeans is unbuttoned and unzipped, flaring out on both sides, revealing almost the entirety of the silky, purple panties he had chosen to wear. 

He relishes in your reaction, the attention making his ego grow exponentially as he moves back into your lap. Your hands trail up his chest, doing your best to not immediately pay attention to the underwear. You can't resist, though. 

“These are new.” you toy with the thin straps, silk reflecting the colored light beautifully. You can see a note of pride ripple through him as you admire the material, grazing his cock through it.

“Got them just for you, you like?” The question is so obviously rhetorical. Of course you like, no, love them. “So much.” your words are laced with love, soft and appreciative of all the effort he puts into getting you off, fulfilling your fantasy.

The way he looks at you is sinful, thoughts dancing behind his eyes visible as he stares, waiting for your next move.

He lets out a soft groan when you push him down into your thigh, biting his lip at you provocatively. “You're hard.” you smile as you say the words, his gaze softening when he sees the blissed out look at your face, eyes raking over his body. Even (almost) fully clothed, he was absolutely beautiful. 

“See? Wasn't lying.” he presses a kiss behind your left ear, gently moving your hair out of the way. It’s loving, so honest. “You sure it's not because of the mirror behind me?” you still cant help but tease him, gesturing to the giant mirror your back was facing. He blushes in response, stealing a glance at his reflection. 

“You’re so cruel! I’ll just stop then, seeing as all you see me as is some egotistical deviant.” he threatens, crossing his arms over his chest in retaliation. You bring a hand up to cup his face, stroking his cheek softly, almost patronizing. Your mind swims with the power you have over him. 

“You wont stop, you couldn't if you tried.” For the first time that evening, you call his bluff, the way he reacts to you exquisite as his lips part, no words coming out. Silence fills the room, even the music on the other side of the door seeming to die down. How long have the two of you been here?

“Am i right?” you question, not letting him off the hook like you usually would.  

“..yeah–” his words are small, and you know you have him right where you want him. The lightest, slightest touch could send him hurtling over the edge, his hips rutting desperately into your hand as you palm him through his underwear.

“So pretty for me, doing all of this. Thank you baby.” you whisper into his ear as he gasps under your touch. It's so incredibly intimate that you can't help but drop your facade for a few seconds, kissing him sweetly, his lips moving against yours with desperation.  

“Anything for you.”

“Anything?”

“Mhm.”

You take his cock out of the confines of his underwear, a sigh of relief falling from his parted lips as your fingers ghost over the tip, teasing him. 

“Just stay still, let me make you feel good.” you murmur, feeling him up under his shirt, your nails digging into the skin of his back. He shifts on top of you, his body yearning for your touch.

“Please.”

You reach down to wrap your manicured fingers around his cock, the sight of the pretty colors of your nails around him making his eyes roll back in his head, his mind spinning with all sorts of possibilities, mostly focused on not finishing right in that moment. 

Tugging lazily on his cock, you drag your fingers from the base to the tip, a satisfying whimper spilling from Matty’s lips, the sound spreading through your entire body. His back arches against you and the kiss he presses against your mouth tastes like the cigarettes he chainsmoked on the way to the club, mixing deliciously with the hint of alcohol on his breath. 

“Let go for me, feel it.”

He trembles, the noise he lets out is desperate, filthy, shooting straight to your core. Everything is heightened. You can feel his breath on your cheek as he leans forward into you, chest pressing against yours as you run your fist up and down his cock, small whimpers of pleasure spurring you on. 

“Fuckk, that feels so good–” 

Matty’s words are choked, his effort to hold back a bit obvious. He’s hungry, wanting, evident in the way he ruts into your hand, his fingers digging into the skin of your shoulders, the sharp pain making you sigh, pleased. 

“Be nice and loud for me, let me hear you.” you coo into his ear, your free hand dragging up his back under his shirt, the mesh bunching up. “So good to me, treat me so well, god– shit.”

He twitches as you dig your thumb into his slit, a shiver spreading through his body 

The way he’s not even undressed is obscene, the fabric of his jeans gathering under his hips as he’s perched on top of you, feet planted firmly on the floor for leverage. You watch him, engrossed in pleasure, completely blissed out expression on his face. His head is thrown back, exposing his pale neck, faded hickeys and marks still visible from your last encounter. 

“You're staring” he breathes, your eyes snapping up to meet him. A filthy grin tugs at the corners of his lips, your focus on him and only him. His hair falls over his face, obscuring it slightly, much to your disdain.  

“You're giving me reason to” you brush curls out of his face as your movements still, letting him speak properly, uninterrupted. 

“Yeah, I want you to look at me.”

You smile lovingly, cocking your head slightly to the left as you tease him, one of your fingers twirling his hair. 

“Gets you off, my attention?” he doesn't even try to deny it, knowing it wouldn't get him anywhere. 

“Mhm-m” he nods, panting. His chest heaves with every breath he takes, silently begging you to continue.

His hips stutter as you grip his cock tighter, your other hand stroking his face sweetly as you stare into each other's eyes, his face flush as pornographic moans spill from his lips. His back arches again, your bodies pressed against each other as your hand snakes between the two of you.

“F-fuck, i’m so close, please let me cum, please.” His voice is high-pitched and whiny, tears threatening to spill at the overwhelming pleasure. 

“You beg so nicely, let me hear you baby.” you whisper words of encouragement as his hips buck up into your hand involuntarily, every ounce of self control in him dissipating. 

“I need it so bad, please i've been so good for you.”

He hiccups in a way that almost makes you feel bad, his desperation so obvious. You speed up a bit, just a bit, giving him that sweet, sweet relief he’s been begging for for god knows how long now.

“P-please, oh fuck, yesyesyes fuck.” precum bubbles at the tip of his cock, and you smear it down, coating him in his own arousal. It's unbelievably hot, his entire body twitching at the sight of your fingers on his cock, a sight he desperately tries to commit to memory. 

“You’re leaking all over my hand darling, so filthy.” he whines into your neck, and you lick across his jaw, making him shiver

“Make a mess, c’mon, come for me.” an animalistic groan fills your ears as he rapidly approaches his orgasm, writhing under your touch.

“Y-yeah– fuck thats so good, your hand feels so good, fucking made for me.”

Matty’s possessive nature made your head spin with lust, his eyeliner smudging down his face as he stares into your eyes with such an intensity it felt like he was going to consume you.

His skin glows under the soft pink lighting, making him seem ethereal, like a true angel. His noises are like music to your ears as he spills into your hand, spurts of cum coating your bare stomach, barely missing your (quite expensive) cropped shirt. Matty kisses you immediately after, hands threading through your hair as he drinks you in, stealing your breath straight from your lungs. 

Wordlessly, one of his hands moves down, gathering the remnants of his orgasm onto two fingers, tapping your mouth with the other. You indulge him, parting your lips to let him push his digits past them, the salty taste of him taking over your senses. His pupils are completely blown out in desire, not able to process what was happening in front of him, a loopy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, his eyes crinkling in that way that made your heart swell up with love 

“Perfect.” he mumbles as you lick his fingers clean, smiling mischievously at his dazed gaze. Matty pulls you in, holding you close, desperate to not let go.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Where were you two?” Ross’s voice is accusatory as the two of you finally return to the booth, the dancer from before having already left. A faint blush spreads onto your cheeks as the memories of not 20 minutes go flash through your mind. Hann doesn't help your situation at all.

“Probably shagging, just look at him.” your head turns, seeing Matty’s blissed out expression, a content smile replacing his usual nasty grin. You elbow him in the ribs, a silent plea to say something, but he promptly ignores your silent begging. 

“Shut up you dickhead, you don't know shit.” 

George points at Matty, now grinning wildly, reminiscing about the events of tonight. He’s oddly calm, which would be concerning if it wasn't for the monstrous case of post-sex hair he currently had 

“Jesus, what did you even do to him?” George is taking the absolute piss out of you, and for good enough reason. 

“I don't kiss and tell.” you attempt to change the conversation topic as you settle back into the booth, commenting on the pint glasses. You're ignored in favor of laughing at you further while matty remains completely unbothered, the glow he emitted so fucking obvious it hurt.  

“Well he sure does, I've heard much more than necessary.” Ross sniggers, pulling a face at the not-so-distant memory of Matty’s sex bonfire-storytelling session that had happened a few weeks prior (not at an actual bonfire, but on the floor of your living room, completely pissed while you were out with your girlfriends.)

“Did you at least wash your hands?” Hann asks, the question directed at Matty, whose hands were loosely wrapped around his nearly empty pint glass. 

“Didn't have to.” he grins, waving his hands in Adam’s face proudly, like it was some sort of achievement. 

“Oh fucking hell, too much info.” George groans, cupping his face in his hands at the mental image of what he thought had just happened. You laugh inwardly, the whole situation absurd. This was the furthest you had ever gotten in discussing anything relating to your relationship with Matty, and it honestly felt weird.

“I’m never touching you again mate, no fucking way.” Ross stated, a disgusted look on his face. “Awwe Ross, how will you do without my touch?” You make grabby hands at him, climbing over George to drape yourself over the booth, touching his hair and face, Matty’s and Hann’s hysterical laughter spurring you on. “GET OFF ME!!” he yells, clawing at you to push you away, absolutely mortified. 

George, slightly more pissed than the rest of you, announces his mission to get the dancers number, swearing up and down that “She had this look in her eye, i’m so fucking serious.” he manages to stumble over his shoes about three times before finally standing up straight, brushing off any ‘dust’ (crisps) that clung to his raggedy band tee. 

“Good luck mate, not that you need it.” Hann tries to be encouraging, knowing just as well as the rest of you how George got when he had a few too many pints. Terribly emotional and impulsive, there was no stopping him once he had his sights set on something, or in this case, someone.

“I definitely don't” he glares at you over his shoulder, strutting across the dance floor in direction of where he’d last seen her. 

As he walks away, Ross sniggers.

“He definitely does.” and you can't help but giggle along as he trips over a stray stair, falling right onto his face. Hann goes to help him up, ignoring your collective jeers to “Stop ruining his chances at true love!”

With an ice pack pressed to his face, George can only roll his eyes at the various comments for the rest of the night, despite it being his birthday.

[mostrovskaa]

Hi! I love your art, your color and shape work is amazing!!

I wanted to ask if you have any Polish media you can recommend to us non-Poles - movies, shows, stuff like that

Hi! Thank you so much for the ask! It is a great pleasure for me to share some Polish media to the people! I just have to preface this and tell especially my fellow Poles that: I am by no means an expert on the subject, I like a lot of bad media, I like a lot of children's media and mainstream media that I love to shape by my own creativity ok and I don't know every single niche thing so please don't come for me. Be nice please or I'll die of embarrassment! With that being said, here are just some of my picks of some cool things I like that I would recommend to check out! (Again I don't know about how available these are around the internet and what would be the subtitle situation but still, i love these pieces of media and think they are interesting to even just read or check out visually if anything!)

- The Akademia Pana Kleksa movies (Akademia Pana Kleksa, Podróże Pana Kleksa and Pan Kleks w Kosmosie) (1984-1988)- These children's fantasy and fable inspired beautiful movies based on a book incorporate beautiful puppetry and set designs, visually they are one of my biggest inspirations. Having both dark,whimsical and sci-fi elements they have been in my visual language since I saw them as a kid! Really really recommend looking into them, even though they may be wacky and strange at times! 

And they contain absolutely amazing songs :

Available to watch without subtitles unfortunately here, but worth to check out the visuals of all the movies in the series: https://www.ninateka.pl/vod/dla-dzieci/akademia-pana-kleksa/ 

- Poszukiwany, Poszukiwana (Man- woman wanted) (1972) (one of my favorite movies ever!) - a comedy film about a museum curator who gets accused of stealing a painting and goes into hiding as a maid. You would think with polish humor it would be the typical: haha man dressed as a woman, hilarious! type stuff but no! It’s funny, charming, sweet and smart and surprisingly based. Marysia, just one chance please queen. 

available to watch with subtitles here (alongside many other great Polish movies): https://35mm.online/vod/fabula/poszukiwany-poszukiwana

- Ranczo (tv show, 10 seasons, I believe it’s available on Netflix) - the epitome of Polish society. This is just pure Poland in tv show format. A timeless classic, never gets old, never stops being funny and relevant. Watched it a million times and could watch a million more and not get bored. An American woman with Polish heritage comes back to her family village and chaos ensues. I think the characters are so well defined you don’t need to know so much deep Polish lore to get what is going on so I really recommend it!

Other stuff you can find on Netflix I recommend are: 1670 - comedy show about 17th century Poland, Rojst (all seasons)- crime show set mainly in the 90’s.

And something that’s a Polish phenomenon that I absolutely love is media based around popular copypasta: a short film Fanatyk  based on this timeless classic of a copypasta, and a tv show called Emigracja XD - about polish guys finding work in the UK.

And obviously the shows I make art for are always something I encourage people check out like Czterdziestolatek (amazing old show with a cult following) and Ojciec Mateusz (absolute shitty formulaic 30 season tv show that i love with all my heart).

Thank you again, sorry for the long post! There’s obviously many more cool Polish media to watch but this is just what immediately popped into my head! :-))

[comradekatara]

Based on you own ideas of how the atla characters would develop in the future, in a time travel au which character do you think would be funniest to have wake up as their younger selves right at the start of s1? Sokka i personally think would hate it in a particularly hilarious way but i feel like there is also a lot of potential with ozai or king kuei for they ways it could derail the plot and confuse the shit out of everyone around them

LMFAO okay i am imagining kuei waking up one unspecified day and suddenly just knowing everything about the war while long feng continues to lie to him. this would be a really funny premise for a fanfic if kuei was even like. 20% smarter but unfortunately he’d just expose himself and long feng would have no choice but to imprison or straight up kill him and then claim that kuei contracted tuberculosis or something. ozai waking up back in power but with the knowledge of how he will be deposed is kind of terrifying, but i’m also laughing because that’s literally the plot of madame web. and yeah sokka would be incredibly frustrated because even more than before, he literally knows exactly what to do in any given situation, and absolutely no one is listening to him. and every time he proves his powers of prophecy they’re just like “wow!!!” and then continue to disregard everything he says anyway. the funniest thing about sokka Knowing is his relationship to zuko though, because zuko is the only person he actually does 180 on (unless you count aang, but like, eh), and it’s because zuko genuinely did suck and then he grew to suck a little less. but sokka would finally know what iroh meant by “he has good inside of him” and so he’d find ways to like. torture him. by quoting act 2 scene 3 lines 43-57 of love amongst the dragons while they’re fighting or something like that.

which brings me to the most obvious candidate. zuko is just clearly the forerunner here it’s not even a contest. everyone else grows a lot internally too, but zuko’s external growth is by far the most pronounced across the show. book 1 zuko literally has the opposite goals of book 3 zuko. so when zuko wakes up on his boat and has his stupid ponytail and is just like “what the fuck is going on,” he’s relieved to see that he’s in the south pole so maybe sokka and katara will have answers as to what is happening to him. and due to his lethal lack of tact, he still approaches their village in his giant hunk of metal and crashes through their wall and terrifies everyone. sokka is staring him down, preparing to die, clutching his weapons, and zuko just runs up to him and tackles him in a hug before sokka can even respond. and then he runs up to katara and hugs her too while she shrieks her head off and tries to fight him. and sokka is just standing there utterly humiliated because he couldn’t even defend himself against his attack….. and now he’s got his sister………. he’s a complete failure……… but zuko doesn’t even care that sokka is having an existential crisis and katara is screaming bloody murder, he’s just like “boy oh boy my best friends i sure am glad to see you :)” while they just keep trying to attack him and kill him. yeah, now that’s what i call comedy.

[mikavlcs]

Blonde

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x fem!reader

Summary: Despite being opposites, your and Wednesday’s relationship is great. There’s only one problem: you’re not very smart. 

Warnings: you’re stupid, a (bad) attempt at comedy, ooc!wednesday but you guys should be used to that

Word count: 1.1k

Notes: someone asked for a story about a dumb, bubbly reader, i tried my best to deliver. so i hope the anon that requested this enjoys<3

Masterlist

Wednesday had never understood the phrase “opposites attract.”

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She understood what it meant in a scientific context. Two like magnetic poles repel each other but opposite poles attract. Thus is the Force of Attraction. But she could never grasp what the laws of magnetism had to do with romantic relationships.

Until she met you.

She was introduced to you, rather hesitantly on her part, by Enid. You and Enid were twin flames, two peas in a pod, soul sisters—and all the other stupid phrases Enid used to describe your bond. 

You and Enid were inseparable which meant that you were virtually inescapable for Wednesday.

And she hated it at first—hated you, at first. You were similar to Enid personality-wise, but somehow you managed to be even more bubbly and upbeat than her living rainbow of a roommate.

Wednesday couldn’t stand the way you were always smiling, always waving at and greeting people in the halls or the quad. She despised the way you always complimented everyone around you, including Wednesday. She loathed the fact that your giggles were a constant presence in her life now. And most infuriatingly, she hated the fact that nothing she ever said could phase you.

None of her subtle jabs, scathing insults, or even her most vile threats could dampen your spirits. You were unbreakable in your vivaciousness and in a weird way, she respected that.

But over time, Wednesday came to realize that it wasn’t hatred that brewed in her gut whenever you smiled at her. It wasn’t disgust that painted her cheeks a nearly imperceptible shade of red when you complimented her.

No, it was something else. Something downright reprehensible.

Wednesday…liked you.

She was positively repulsed at first (and to a degree, she still was) but she begrudgingly accepted these feelings and even embraced them when you confessed to experiencing the same terrible affections for her.

So over the months, she got used to your cheerfulness. She adapted to your compliments, your hugs, handholding, cheek kisses, and all the other sickening forms of affection you showed her.

(She would never, under any circumstances admit it, but she dared to say that she even began to enjoy them. Disgusting.)

The only problem she had was that you were…well…not the smartest. Like, at all.

It honestly astounded Wednesday how inept you could be at times. One time in class the teacher was showing a documentary about cavemen and about twenty minutes in, you leaned over and whispered, “How did they get the cameras back there if they hadn’t been invented yet?”

Wednesday could only stare.

She had been cooking with you once, teaching you how to make a traditional Addams family recipe and it called for a pinch of salt. You turned and, completely serious, asked, “Do the measurements of a pinch vary by hand size?”

It was one of the very few times in her life that Wednesday had been rendered completely speechless.

There were other, smaller things you said in passing sometimes that baffled her.

“Wednesday, if you eat peanuts really fast it tastes like peanut butter!”

“Hey, Wen, wouldn’t it be cool if Halloween was on Friday the 13th this year?”

“Wednesday, how do the birds not get confused during daylight savings time?”

It was truly mystifying.

Wednesday couldn’t help but wonder if her insults only never affected you because you simply didn’t understand them.

Surprisingly though, your intellectual inferiority was not a deal breaker for Wednesday. She usually prided herself on not wasting her time with what she deemed the lesser of her species, but with you it was different.

She would even say that, at times, she found it…somewhat cute.

(She shivered in despair the first time she caught herself mentally using that revolting word. The effect you had on her was truly disparaging.)

But that didn’t stop it from being bewildering and even worrying at times, no matter how comical it could be.

Wednesday figured that she would one day happen upon you endangering your life in some way—not on purpose, but because you simply didn’t even realize that you were doing something unsafe.

And, well, she was right.

-

Saturdays were quickly becoming Wednesday’s favorite day of the week.

The two of you had a tradition where you would go to the Weathervane every Saturday morning for a coffee outing then spend the rest of the day in Jericho together. You insisted on calling them “Saturday coffee dates” which Wednesday never approved of, but she didn’t have the heart to tell you to stop.

Like usual, Wednesday went to pick you up from your dorm but, unlike usual, you didn’t answer.

A pang of worry crept up in her stomach, but she pushed it down, deciding to search your dorm to see if you were around anywhere. And indeed, you were.

She found you in the small dorm kitchen. You looked to be fiddling with something—a toaster maybe—and Wednesday went to greet you but you moved over, granting her full view of what was happening. Wednesday’s eyes widened at the sight before her.

You were trying to get something out of the toaster…with a metal fork.

Wednesday immediately ran over and snatched the fork out of your hands. “What are you doing?”

“I-My toast is stuck. I was trying to get it out,” you explained slowly, glancing back and forth between Wednesday and the toaster.

“With a fork?!” She nearly shouted.

“…Yes?” You sounded genuinely perplexed by the panic Wednesday was displaying. Wednesday heaved a sigh.

“Listen,” she began slowly, “you can’t put metal in the toaster because it could cause a short circuit. If that happens, you will get an electric shock or even start a fire. It is extremely dangerous.”

Your eyes widened in realization, mouth dropping open as you leaned your head back. “Ohhhh, yeah I forgot about that.”

Wednesday said nothing, her disbelieving gaze boring into you. You shrunk.

“I-um, thank you. For stopping me,” you sputtered and looked away, cheeks darkening in shame. Against her will, Wednesday’s demeanor softened.

“You’re welcome. Now, how about you leave that,” she looked pointedly at the toaster, “here and I will buy you something to eat at the Weathervane.”

You brightened up instantly. “Really?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t serious about it.”

Wednesday felt her lips tug upwards at the way you clapped in excitement.

“Let’s go!” you squealed, your prior shame forgotten as you dragged Wednesday out of the kitchen by the hand.

Wednesday noted how you didn’t drop her hand once you entered the hall, instead interlacing your fingers together while you gleefully greeted every student that passed. The smaller girl was busy glaring at the people you greeted (a balancing act) when you looked back at her.

“I know I’m not the brightest knife in the drawer, but you still love me,” you giggled as you skipped down the halls, swinging your intertwined hands happily.

Wednesday couldn’t even bring herself to correct you.

[thevoidstaredback]

Imagine if the Justice League and the Avengers met.

Like, I know there are canon crossover events between the two universes, but I'm not talking about those shenanigans. I don't want Dark Claw (Batman and Wolverine combined into one) and I don't want them all fighting each other...at least to start.

No. Imagine if it's just a normal Tuesday between invasions in NYC and everyone's chilling at Avengers Tower. Loki decides he's bored and opens a portal three floors down from the main living area in an open room. The alarms go off and The Flash or Wonder Woman stumble into the tower, the rest of the Justice League following suit.

Now, Loki is known for avoiding the consequences of his actions, so all he does is smile and disappear, leaving these strange heroes locked in a room in Avengers Tower. Because the alarms are blaring, the Avengers are soon suited up and are now facing the JL. Hijinks ensue as the Marvel Heroes and DC Heroes have to work together to get the JL back home.

Bonus points if the JL somehow manage to keep identities (pre reveal) from each other through a series of comedic close calls. It's probably Clint's fault. Tony would probably end up with the blame.

Extra bonus points if Spidey doesn't come in until later. Like, the heroes all want to spar against each other, and Peter shows up, joins in for fun, and absolutely tanks a hit from Superman and gets right back up. The only reason it surprises anyone is because the JL was pretty sure he was just a normal human intern or something (having confirmed that Metahumans don't exist here).

More extra bonus points if, after they confirm that Metahumans don't exist here and the only superpowers are from lab accidents, they find files about the Mutants. The Avengers tell them not to touch that with a 30 foot pole because they don't have the time to explain all of that right now and they really can't be splitting their attention from trying to get the JL home.

Dealer's choice on if there's any huge conflict or not. (Personally, I think this works as a comedy just fine as is, but I leave that up to you)

[sheareling]

lol like. yes kristen and cassandra are both fictional characters. their actions and treatment are not real its FICTION its not real. no you cannot hold fictional characters accountable that means nothing because they arent real. if what you meant is that you wish brennan or the PCs would have been harder on kristen then idk what to tell you. its a comedy show and a coming of age story. a story about growing into a better person cant happen if all the characters started as perfect angels. its also very weird to see people acting like kids should be put in jail or something for uhhhh... not being good at communicating? again. i dont know what to say. very un-nuanced, unempathetic, un-understanding way of viewing interpersonal relationships that i frankly dont want to touch with a 10-foot pole. BUT ALSO, beyond ALL of that, cassandra is a god and not a person. iirc from season 1, in the lore, gods are supposed to be physical manifestations of their followers' faith and religious belief. of course the ex-catholic dyke has an unhealthy relationship with every god she has ever had, her relationship with faith as a whole is deeply damaged. its a metaphor and a narrative tool. and its deeply disappointing to see that people are just writing off ally and their decisions as "problematic" instead of meaningfully engaging with the story as it exists, and what it is that the players are trying to say. much of the time, the players WANT you to dislike choiced their characters make! theyre not idiots! thats the whole point! so you can have a bigger and better payoff when they finally make better choices! that is /literally/ the whole point of a story. and yet some of you still could not miss the point more completely.

[cy-cyborg]

Tips for writing and drawing disabled characters: you're allowed to have fun with it

I get a lot of people responding to my posts/videos on writing and drawing disabled characters that, while they never outright say it, kind of imply to me that people are interpreting those posts as:

THIS IS THE OBJECTIVE ONE AND ONLY WAY TO WRITE CHATACTERS WITH [Insert disability here] AND IF YOU DONT INCLUDE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE POINTS AND SUGGESTIONS IN SOME CAPACITY, YOUR CHARACTERS ARE BAD AND YOU ARE BAD FOR MAKING THEM!

And just ....no that's not my intent lol. So let me make it abundantly clear: with a few exceptions, my content is just suggestions, mainly aimed at making your characters feel more realistic and/or grounded, or demonstrating certain ideas. If thats not the vibe you want, or the suggestions are clashing with the tone of your work, you don't have to include them. Still consider the advice, make sure the reason you think it doesn't match isn't based on stereotypes or assumptions, and if it's not, and you still don't think it fits, don't include it.

If it doesn't make sense to include a chapter about how your character is struggling with debilitating phantom pain in an otherwise really light-hearted, cozy slice of life comedy, then don't add it. This isn't to say that your character's disability shouldn't have any effect, but pick ways that fit the tone. For example, instead of dealing with debilitating pain, maybe your chatacter is out camping, they take off their leg to relax but oh no, a stray dog mistakes the metal pole for a bone and steals it, making your chatacter have to hop after them. When they catch them and get their leg back, they decide to adopt them! Hjinks and cozyness ensues

That actually does sound adorable, I might save that for later lmao

Or just small things, the same way you might show an able bodied chatacter getting ready for their day, show a disabled chatacter doing the same, but adding in the extra steps. Do what works with the tone.

This also isn't to say the advice can't be used in more fantastical settings. Most of what I write is fantasy and sci-fi, and while I don't use all of my own advice in those settings (because not all of it is relevent) I do use a lot of it, depending on the character in question. The main character in my sci-fi comic voidstar, Xari, for example, has been a double leg amputee for a long time and that, combined with the setting means not all of the standard advice about writing amputees is relevent to them. They don't struggle with pain or have trouble adjusting to prosthetics because it happened a long time ago and the medicine/tech in their world is better, but there's other ways it effects their daily life in ways fitting for the lighter tone in chapter 1. the intro sequence shows them running and jumping and being active, but also shows they use a wheelchair sometimes and a bit later in the chapter, crutches, depending on what they're doing. It also effects how they interact with people: late in the chapter someone makes a weird comment about their legs, and Xari uses it as a chance to mess with them and have some fun.

All this is to say don't be afraid to be a bit looser with the advice if the story you're writing has a lighter tone and just have fun. My content is there for those who want to use it, but it's not the "only objective way" to handle those subjects.

[sirfrogsworth]

If you ever see a child or young kid in an inappropriate setting, like maybe an R-rated movie or a comedy show with adult material or a strip club or a Hooters-style restaurant... the first question people usually ask is "What were the parents thinking?"

But in the handful of pictures and videos in which a child is near an adult drag performance, for some reason the question has been, "Why is that drag queen performing for a child?"

Traditionally it has been left up to parents to decide what content is appropriate for their children. And sometimes parents are shitty and bring their kids to things that maybe they shouldn't. But it should not be the performer's responsibility to police that.

I'm also frustrated by the people that think all drag performances are "adult" in nature. They just cannot understand that queer folks are not inherently sexual at all times. I don't see how these folks could watch something like a Dame Edna routine and think she is trying to "groom" kids or whatever.

Drag performers do a wide variety of performances from stand up, singing, dancing, and yes, sometimes they do adult material. And just like any other live entertainment, it should be the parent's responsibility to do the research and determine if the content is age appropriate for their kid.

If you went to a Bob Saget (R.I.P. Bob) stand-up show, you were going to get an earful of extremely blue material. Yet he still acted in a children's show and hosted a home video clip show meant for families. Performers will gear their content to the intended audience.

If some parent thought, "Hey, I'm going to take my 5 year old to see that Full House guy tell jokes!" would people have blamed Bob Sagat for that?

At story hour, drag queens are not half naked spinning around stripper poles as they read Dr. Seuss.

Though, I might be interested in seeing that actually.

But I wouldn't bring a damn kid along!

[nezoid]

February 2024 recap:

- "Fitting In" screening/Q&A with Maddie Ziegler & Molly Mcglynn

- The George Lucas Talk Show with Tatiana Maslany, Brendan Hines Rich Sommer and Earl

- Jenny Lewis on Jimmy Kimmel Live

- The Last Improv Show with guest monologist David Cross and Nicole Byer, Bobby Moynihan, Dan Black, Carl Tart, Paul Scheer

- Comedy Pole Show with Morgan Jay, Riki Lindhome, Zainab Johnson Christina Calph, Dane Cook, Tia Jax, Teresa William, Adriana Santos, Aqvadiva

- #searchhistoryucb & Spanish Aqui Presents with Marcy Jarreau, Madeline Walter, Dan Lippert, Jon Mackey, Pam Murphy, Raiza Licea, Oscar Montoya, Carlos Santos, Lou Gonzalez Jr.

- The Last Improv Show with guest monologist Andy Richter and Sasheer Zamata, Dan Black, Jon Gabrus, Sarah Claspell, Paul Welsh, John Gemberling

- The People's Choice Awards - Red Carpet with Adam Sandler, Billie Eilish, Sydney Sweeny, Rachel Ziegler, Tom Hiddleston, America Ferrera, Kylie Minogue, The Cast of Grey's Anatomy, Simu Liu, Natasha Bedingfield, Laverne Cox, Ariana Greenblatt, Heidi Klum, Xochitl Gomez, Whitney Cummings, and more!

-@nightlight_k bday celebration

-Stamptown

-Lots of Tallula and Wednesday (including Tallula’s 16th birthday and Valentines day [Wednesday’s first])

[italoniponic]

Congratulations for the event! May I request hcs of Leona and Floyd (seperated pls '^^) with a s/o who's significantly shorter than them but is still bold? Like their s/o is 150cm but doesn't give a shit and still annoys the hell out of them and threatens them even tho they don't stand a chance against them.

𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲'𝐬 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

| Notes: Hi, dear! This made me remember a Brazilian expression about short people that have little to no patience for things (the exact word for that doesn't translate to english). It’s like saying “oh, that angry shortie, right?” That’s the feeling I’m looking for here lol  And I changed Leona and Floyd’s nicknames just for the sake of adding a bit of personality to this reader, so instead of herbivore and shrimpy, we have “meerkat” and “flounder”. A-ha title reference just bc~ Thanks for the request <3 |

Leona Kingscholar, Floyd Leech x g!n short reader / headcanons / fluff & comedy / teasing / reader has 150cm and is feral / movies references / use of “you” pronouns

Cherry’s Harvesting event 🍒 Masterlist

Fighting High and Low

“Enjoying the Sun, little meerkat? Or am I doing a shadow for you?” You snorted at those words, turning to face Leona Kingscholar who was resting his arm on your head. But you wouldn't let him just take advantage of you like that. You elbowed his rib and stuck out your tongue. This was a typical scene for you two;

As Leona met you more and more throughout your early days in the NRC, he gradually became interested in you. Not only because of the situations you got into sometimes, but also because of the way you faced everything so bravely even though you are the height of a child. He thought you were a very special source of entertainment at first;

Teasing you has become one of the peaks of Leona's day. Studying could suck, being bothered by annoying herbivores even more so, but seeing your angry face and your attempts to fight back with him always improved his mood. Your courage — and a bit of senselessness — sets you apart from the rest and Leona gets to respect that;

That's why he nicknamed you “meerkat”. There is a little tale for children in Afterglow Savannah that the most clumsy of the meerkats managed to be friends with a large wild boar and was brave enough to find a safer place for his flock. They said he was kind of crazy and Leona remembered laughing a lot at this story when he was little;

When you nudge him out of your way, step on his foot, or call him an “furry electric pole”, Leona remembers this classic character from his land. Would you dare to throw yourself in front of a lion like him and say what you think, without being afraid to die? Absolutely. You already called him “lazy cat”, wringing a delicious laugh out of him;

And to your worst bad luck: you liked to see Leona laugh. Sometimes not laughing in a smug way, but genuinely. Because, as time went on, you came to realize that this is how he laughed during the provocations between you. His smile, wide but light, showed a joy never seen before. You once even literally tried to climb Leona to see his smile more closely;

Having a smaller height in relation to that multitude of jungle trees that you called colleagues was a problem at times, but you didn’t let yourself be felled by it. And there were other short guys full of rage and courage out there, so you didn't feel alone in your problems. You were one of the few people who made Leona pay attention to something and not necessarily annoy him in the process;

Before, when you were still really annoyed by his attitudes, you would pull him by the tail to get his attention. “I'm sorry, with my height, I can't reach your shoulder,” you'd comment, making a cute but mocking pout. To which Leona would lift you up by your arms and reply, “Now you have my attention, annoying meerkat.” But this was in the past;

Not that you have lost the ability to call him creatively. You literally jumped near him, managing to reach his shoulder and announce your presence. Leona would give you a little look, seeing your hands sliding down his arm without letting go, and grin. You two are a pretty weird pair;

No matter the situation or environment, Leona likes to lean on you and defend himself without concern from your punches to his torso and your kicks to his shin. You lose complete track of time or what people are talking about but it's so fun that it's worth it;

When you eventually confessed your feelings, it was time for your first kiss. You laughed, asking if the most dignified lion could squat down for you to reach him and in response, Leona held on by the waist, so that you ended up even taller than him. “Is the view from the pride rock beautiful?,” Leona asked. “Um, the Lion King over here is more.”

“Hey, little flounder… smooth? What's that face?” Why do light breezes always carry a tsunami with them? You sighed as you felt a big, tall presence leaning against you. Floyd Leech had another one of those big, toothy smiles on his face, his eyes staring at you with a mysterious glow. You tried to step on his foot and run from there;

From the very first moment, Floyd felt that you would be an interesting person to get along with. You must have been one of the shortest people he has ever met — in general, everyone is already short to him — but, there is something in your gaze and in your stubbornness to accept yourself as a prey in that ocean of dangers that awakens unexpected feelings in Floyd;

Therefore, he likes to observe you and talk with you, observing your reactions and the way you act. Floyd would joke that this is “tasting the food” but in reality, it's a very detailed study of you as a person. This is what helps Floyd in any quarrel. He knows exactly what to say or do to disarm you and hit your nerves just right;

Proportionally, you ended up getting his way of acting. At first, you responded to Floyd's taunts in the same way. When he asked where you were because he didn't see you, you said you were right below him, ready to punch his balls. You also have this thing where Floyd would lift you up by the collar and you'd try in vain to kick him in the stomach;

But, now more experienced, you found a way to cut Floyd’s animation before it stretched any further than it should. It was only when you started complimenting the fact that he was tall that everything would lose its grace. However, sometimes you would give such an ironic and backhanded compliment that a smile would quickly return to Floyd's face. Did you really think you would get rid of him so easily?;

Your affectionate nickname as “flounder” is a joke about the favorite type of fish of a famous mermaid in the Coral Sea. She was friends with an especially fearful flounder, but at the right moments, he swallowed his fears and even managed to hit an eel with his tail. Floyd can see these same characteristics in you;

It makes Floyd even imagine what you would be like if you were underwater because his original form of eel is immense and if you were really a flounder — or a shrimp, whatever — you would remain a cute little thing that he would like to bite and tease. And you would have the same amusing folly of trying to hit him with your short tail;

Certain times, when you were in a bad mood and Floyd appeared, you would run up to him to hang yourself in his arms as if he was a large tree branch at your disposal. Floyd didn't care because it was kind of funny. “Do you think my arm is a plank?,” he laughed. “Forgive me for stealing the joke, but honestly, I'm short-tempered today,” you'd reply, frowning;

Without you two being able to stop it, something else came up between you. The pranks and jokes were getting less serious and ended up becoming a cool dynamic banter. Floyd liked to mess your hair up and give your head a strong caress, which you responded to by holding his back tight and sometimes climbing on him like he was your seahorse. Imagine the chaos in the hallways;

Falling in love with a tall person has its advantages. Floyd also sees this in your case as well. With you next to him, he could just hold you in front of someone and let your cute little face melt the person's heart. To which he ends up blurting out that this effect would be short-lived because you’re a little gremlin — as if he weren’t some ninety-one foot tall Godzilla;

When you had called Floyd to go in the yard that day, he thought it was funny that you had climbed up on the bench and stared at him from up there. “Will you try to dive on me, little flounder?,” he asked, amused and curious. “Only if I'm going to kiss you, stupid!” And it was in that moment that Floyd was sure you were the one.

[dhmis-autism]

anyways since i hurt my wrist ive been reading a lot of DHMIS fic, and as such i have some opinions on alla them! i also have some faves that i am going to reccomend now if any of you are in the mood to read:

First up, this whole series of DHMIS shorts are SO well-written and very bittersweet. They’re both sort of mini stories AND explorations of the positives and negatives of each individual character in the trio + their dynamics with each other. Pretty accurate to the characters, I think, and just straight up, well-written, fun to read. CANNOT OVERSTATE how much I enjoyed these ones. This was my fave of the three, I think about it ALL the time. Though, honestly, you can’t just read ONE and not read the others!

Alright, next is my FAVE FAVE FAAVEE dog/dad duo fic! I love a lot about this fic! I love the in-character dialogue, I love the thoughtful way this fic explores one of my favorite dynamics in the show! It's heartfelt and awkward and jumpy and misshapen- and I think it's a pretty fantastic avenue to take when exploring these characters. There's also a bit of existential terror, for those of you who like that element of the show! Anyways, this fic is literally ALWAYS going to have a rent-free space in my heart.

THIS ONE is a really smart and thought out rearrangement of the first TV season, with a kind of emotional narrative throughline that I gotta say, I was invested in. I always like fanworks that reintegrate lines from canon in different contexts and this is something this fic really understands how to do well. The epilogue made me understand why people will buy and read books telling the exact same event from a different characters POV. tbh i’d buy this if I could.

THIS one is short,sweet and REALLY fucking funny. I literally crack up just thinking about Duck asking Red which of the other two he’d rather be stuck with on a desert island. Comedy of errors with a bittersweet ending that has really stuck around in my head.

This one is less of a singular character exploration and more of a exploration of a hypothetical character dynamic ,imo. And I LOVE the dynamic in it so much! It's compelling, it's messy, it's very push-and-pull, it's like watching two cars almost crash into each other, miss, and then smash violently into poles in opposite sides of the street. I like the OCs in it ( they have a very funny bit going ), I like the fun little fanmade songs, and I like that the relationship between the two main characters is used as a really good platform to see what their insecurities  and their worst traits are up close. I rarely see ship fics that do that! And as someone who is far more interested in the characters themselves than the ship together, I am all in on the carnage. 

[drinkingbitterboy]

alright. i have emotionally recovered from miles posting on instagram this morning, which truly threw off my plan to do a little concert recap bc i was busy yelling at my phone/on tumblr. as you do.

a couple notes:

i don't really do concert photos; literally took a grand total of 4 during the actual show. so sorry, don't have much there!

i did not get a poster :( turns out they ran out before AM even went on stage?? i'm sad, but not too pressed bc really i'd much rather have a good view than wait in the merch line.

here we go!!

so getting into the arena was kind of a shit show lmao. we rolled up around door open and the line stretched 5 city blocks and doubled back on itself; it was mostly organized but asshats loved to pop in when the line got broken up by the streets. took us almost an hour to make it our five blocks and the line behind us was still just as long by then. at least folks waiting by us in line were nice! beyond nice conversation the true highlight was outfit spotting. shoutout to the absolutely dedicated guy who showed up in the full on fwn clown outfit complete with face paint by himself. in this weather! found a couple folks dressed exactly like the car alex (again, why are you wearing a blazer in this weather) and you know. felt real old about it seeing some of the other concert outfits. i'm sorry, not to be judgemental of the tiktok girlies, but holy shit. i managed to out myself once as a weird fan about it bc i had "inside knowledge" aka i saw the ig stories james and davey posted lmao. i'm so sorry i'm incapable of holding it in when i want to correct someone. had a grand time talking to some people in line next to me around my age; one of them even had an old sias shirt from seeing them live back then! good bonding about "hey what have you done since they announced this album?" one guy switched jobs twice, we got married, and the other couple had a baby. jfc.

further highlights include the person who wrote the batphone and cheeseburger notes, a couple other car truck bits i didn't take pics of saying things like "who the fuck are the arctic monkeys", and the true comedy of whoever designed the tickets. big mike wazowski energy

fontaines dc sounded great! a lot of folks around me had no clue who they were, though. so the crowd wasn't too excited overall. also i have no idea who put together the playlist in between sets bc it was nuts.

and then: the big reveal (that i then updated tumblr on)

i'm really surprised the whole set made it! the anticipation before they took the curtain down was absolutely palpable. also, didn't get a picture of it but at one point someone had a giant pole and was trying to poke something right at at the top of the frame of the screen. no idea what that was about but it was hilarious. not pictured: the bonus screens on either side of the stage.

an aside: my partner is fucking hilarious. every time a roadie came on state with an instrument he'd go "i don't think that one is a monkey." he also generally calls them the "monkfys" anyway bc he really latched onto that clip aksdjfs

so this was interesting! they didn't show the body paint symbols at all on any of the screens; instead, they showed this colorful wheel thing.

and then the actual show. oh my word. opening with sculptures was absolutely my dream and honestly i don't have words for what it's like to see alex in person. he's absolutely captivating. hypnotizing. one of the most amazing things is watching how he proceeds through the show--how he goes from suave and put together with his choreographed arm movements for emphasis and his little things like the little bubble pop in that song. and then he starts to loosen up (along with his hair), we get the silly dramatic theatre kid during cornerstone and do me a favour, and by the time we hit body paint he's just completely letting loose. even when they played much of the usual setlist and i obviously know the music super well--better than anyone else around me--it was still absolutely thrilling to just be there and listen to the music and sing loudly and jump around until we felt the floorboards creak. they felt really high energy last night! turns out coming off of a break is good for them!

related, getting to watch the transformation into the poofy lion hair in real life is incredible.

i must admit, i am not immune to things like alex waving in our general direction to the crowd and walking over to our side of the stage and all of the charming bits. just can't help it.

otherwise, the only other person i could consistently see was nick - we were standing stage right, maybe 15 yards back? so you know. gorgeous as always. i'm sure jamie was wonderful also in his insane leather jacket -- didn't see him at all lol. i managed to get a very convenient window to center stage so i actually saw alex a decent amount. worked out well because i couldn't actually see the screens super well. i'm short. here's the only two pictures i actually took of the band, right at the beginning:

and now for the rest of the setlist -- we all know they played a lot of the usual suspects. as expected, much of the crowd was pretty young and very invested in only AM and the hype songs. i didn't mind; at least i wasn't the only person screaming for perfect sense (weren't a lot of us, i was the only one in my general area, but that's alright. i don't care.) my spouse was entertained by the person next to us who looked up the spotify set playlist in between every song; he was like "why look it up? if you don't know the songs well enough to identify by intro then how is the list supposed to help?" anyway, holy shit when is snap getting out of the playlist? and yet even though i was not thrilled by it it was still so fun to sing along.

4 out of 5 had a really funny bit at the end while he was just kinda ad libbing lines. "four stars out of five, not quite there yet, but almosttttt." teddy picker and view from the afternoon were absolutely fantastic, too. and then we get the basic AM bits again, though turns out the crowd was also really hype for fluorescent adolescent. 10/10

i was so goddamn loud for perfect sense. shoutout to the spouse again for only knowing that song bc i learned to play it and then played it constantly bc i wanted to manifest it aksjdflaskdj

he was constantly saying "very nice. very nice. very good" in between songs, which was adorable. "hope you're having a lovely evening, folks." as my partner put it: "very good. that's him like yes, i've met my crowd interaction quota for the night"

and then of course we brought out the drama for do me a favour and cornerstone. i cracked up that there were already gifs of the "forcing a smile" bit by the time i got home.

mirrorball started with alex conducting the stings again. i love it so much. also makes my musician ass miss performing lmao. but really, i can't get over how good mirrorball is. it's so dramatic, so emotional, then the actual mirrorball reveal??? i cried. it's insane. it's beautiful. it's honestly indescribable. i generally don't like people filming a lot or taking tons of pictures but you know what? mirrorball is an exception. holy mother of god.

and then 505!! i know i mentioned this earlier but really??? the mirrorball is only lit up like this for 505 and then they pull it back up?? there better be a mirrorball for me, he says, then we pull it down for the very miles song, and then they get rid of it???????? i had some thoughts.

our end of the stage got a bit distracted during do i wanna know bc we had someone go down in the crowd and had to call someone over to help. good news is that they were pretty close to the wall/barrier so it was easy to make space. even so, i realy can't get over how good that guitar sounds.

and then body paint. we've all seen videos of the extended outro and really, truly, it's just a life-altering experience to watch it life. it sounded incredible, it looked incredible with the rainbow lights, everyone looked like they were having a blast. i am a little biased bc i'm so attached to that song i'm getting tattoos about it on monday lmao. but man. not over it.

and finally the encore. ONE POINT PERSPECTIVE?????? i was NOT expecting it and absolutely lost my shit. unfortunately at this point bc we did some shifting around i no longer had a good view of anything. so it goes.

dancefloor, as always, was an absolute jam. bonus points bc now it's forever associated with our wedding. and r u mine had the place going nuts bc you know, the AM only folks, but really, i am also not immune to how hard that song goes.

all in all, that concert was absolutely incredible. i had an absolute BLAST and it was such a joy. i loved getting to be loud and truly did not care that there were bits where i was the only one who knew all the words. even my partner who is only really a tangential am fan had a really good time. they sounded amazing. i'm absolutely still on a high from it. hopefully the transition to a smaller venue again after the huge stadium tour was nice for the band, too!

and now time for some more coffee.

[ravenadottir]

drag race: boys edition

we had gender bent edits, we had paralell universes, and i'm not sure if someone has done this, but in case it hasn't, here it is. did i need to do this? yes, yes i did. enjoy!

[listen, i saw a video from runner eye and if i can't stop thinking about it, you have to be the ones to be punished by it, i don't make the rules.]

roberta mckenzie. a comedy queen from glasgow. she loves the audience, mostly working up the patreons in hopes to find a gold mine of weird info dump, enough to make the rest of the bar laugh. is the makeup rough? yes, very much so. is the material roast winning? not exactly... but she's new to the game and is trying her best. plus, her outfits pay homage to jamaican patterns every chance she has and most of us enchanted by the charisma and bad puns.

rhonda. one-name-only for a one-personality-only and that is... snake! she's the one pretending to be zen and "i don't do drama" but has the most snake rattle sound effects during her confessionals. she also tries to steal henrietta hotts from luna kohko, and the audience saw it from A MILE AWAY. unsuccessfully of course... HAVE YOU SEEN LUNA? she's the trade of the season.

kassandra. she dj's on the weekends all mounted in silver gowns and small boobie bibs (as she calls them despite being annoyed other people refer to them as that). kassandra has issues with everyone that ISN'T doing recreational drugs at her gigs and call them "stiffs" for it. however, despite looking and sounding harsh... well, that's about it. there's a reason she and luna get along so well!

glitter renell. "a traditional drag queen" according to herself, and to new queens it only means "my uncle in a wig with a rough and patchy makeup work and plastic-ey wigs". the only queen not wearing "fantasy" by britney but who's noticing?? her special number involves ripping off the sleeves of her outfits and revealing MASSIVE biceps, but often times they pop off on their own. got the magic mike title of the season.

ingrid. she's a "sporty type of queen", has multiple tricks with golf clubs, and despite having a couple of head hitting tricks in her history, she tries her best. it sometimes can serve her as a pole to drop to the ground in a split and honestly? work. ingrid is considered one of the hottest and cutest since her shyness brings a different glow to her eyes, which are LOST in pink glitter and magical rainbow shaped makeup. she dares and we love it, leave her alone.

luna kohko. this is a SEASONED queen, alright? makeup on point, fashion in place, attitude to donate, and walking the runway like she built that shit. however, when it comes to friendships in the werk room... don't speak, don't come near, don't come around... in fact, don't come at all. luna doesn't waste time with phony queens and prefers things exactly the opposite of her: straight. she's a lesbian, which means she loves dating drag queens, and since entering the show she has a LIVE AND THRIVE romance with the innocent henrietta hotts. "if that crusty fucking hippie so much as breathes the same air as henrietta again, we're gonna have a fucking problem, yeah? i've seen her lurking the machines trying to strike up a conversation about climbing. there's only one building henrietta is gonna climb and it's not a limp one."

noelle waves. "we have a wall of fabric in that werk room and you continue to come out in swim suits. STOP - RELYING - ON - THAT - BODY". she's a bit reserved most of the time, but if the "girls are fighting", she's the first to step up and play MOTHER. the public likes her, but she's not exactly winning challenges. "safe" defines noelle better than "creative" or "winner", but she tries and helps everyone during challenges.

henrietta hotts. THIS GIRL HAS IT, OK? her signature look is the red lipstick and the blonde wig, and with those beautiful freckles, her persona is very much the girl next door. it makes the judges go "i feel like i haven't met henrietta yet, and i know there's someone in there that needs to... ROAR. also, baby... you need more makeup." is she the smartest? no. is she the most problem-solving? no. is she the most graceful? YOU BET HER ASS COVERED IN GLITTER SHE FUCKING IS.

graham cracker. ANOTHER UNCLE IN A WIG. barely knows how to walk in heels and is giving kim chi vibes. however, because of her leadership skills (which are not comparable to noelle's) she does manage to maintain her position for a while since most of the girls are lowkey scared of her. she's unpredictable and most of the contestants suspect she's straight.

carlota miranda. THIS IS THE MOST EXTROVERTED QUEEN ON THE RUNWAY, however, the boom mic needs to enter her throat to pick up what she's saying due to her bashfulness. not a fighter type but if someone comes for her???? she'll definitely... apologize for it. "fuck, don't fight" is her motto, followed by a timid little giggle since she tries not to curse. her style is "executive realness" but covered in crystals and diamonds. "it's either a mugler or nothing, babes. i don't have time to look like cel. sanders..."

felicia butterfly. annoying as alyssa edwards and untalented as... well, [REDACTED WINNER OF SEASON 4]. she's a one trick poney and the trick is... well, the public and the production are still trying to find it but in the mean time she becomes the bud of the joke. it's kind of entertaining watching her trying to understand anything in the werk room. it gets old but... she leaves pretty soon, so no problem there.

doge style. always wearing dogs' styles on her wigs, it's her signature. the poodle poof is AMAZING. she also becomes friends with everybody, particularly with the nervous ones, like carlota and henrietta since doge's hugs are infallible to relax the girls in situations of stress. she sometimes lets a facial hair look take over if the look calls for it, while the others are afraid of embracing it. "i'm not a woman impersonator, i'm just creative, get over it!" she has a HUGE CRUSH ON ELLA FAME, and it's reciprocated. rumour has it they fucked on the first week and are already planning a getaway.

ella fame. the most exquisite wigs in the werk room NO QUESTIONS ASKED. has beef with gigi goode for the title of best hair styles, but since her house is older and richer, she thinks she has a better chance to win this one pool on twitter. overall, ella has a walk to kill for, one that graham cracker has been trying to learn since day one. "i got it from naomi... you either know it... or you dont." she tells and retells the time she walked the same runway as naomi, even though everyone keeps reminding her that it happened as elijah, not as ella, but as she says in the confessional: "these bitches are so fucking jealous they're causing me intern wrinkles.".

jacoba zabinski. she's not very creative, doesn't have an interesting name, doesn't know how to walk differently than a constipated bear and doesn't know how to wear a wig. to be fair, she's only in the show to get clout for her male persona, jakub. bodybuilding is not paying off since his scandals in multiple gyms for his part time job as an instructor. so instagram shit tea and self taner brands have been the bread winning besides being the biggest bitch in the room. she enters the porkchop hall of fame. OBVIOUSLY.

[kijosakka]

After leaving Bridgette, stuck to a frozen pole... How Alejandro would react to Assistant Noah saying that he knows what Alejandro is doing, but Noah honestly doesn't care?... What if Noah only cares about how Alejandro unfairly treats Owen?

ASSISTANT NOAH: "None of the people on this show are exactly innocent angels either, so if the guys are dumb enough to fall for your charming tricks and the girls let themselves be swooned by you despite having boyfriends, then they deserve to lose." 🙄

i do think this instance would have add some in the way of later plot, what with london and the eel comment -- as established up until around germany, assistant noah has a neutral-positive view of alejandro:

(though ngl just considering his general mannerisms i am leaning more towards neutral -- character arcs and whatnot, neutral > negative > positive, so his ribbing comes off as uninterested as he is, more like general commentary on what's happening)

anyway its post-egypt and not much further and i don't think alejandro would expect, at this point, to react any different -- assuming that he would assume noah was coming up to rib him about the challenge again.

on noahs end, there is no real distaste for alejandro (....yet), emphasized by his seemingly unimpressed that no one catches onto alejandros scheming -- implying that noah sees it as something obvious.

^ tinged by bias by virtue of being on the crew and seeing behind-the-scenes clips and footage or not, to be so blatant about 'if they don't know, they deserve it' does mean that noah believes it to be something people should be catching onto (also worth mentioning that through him specifically telling owen, he offers more leeway for him in the face of this; favoritism.)

anyway, recap (for myself, mostly): alejandro's perception of noah up until this point is basically 'guy on the crew who ribbed me once' and didn't gloat about any of his strategies to avoid having a paper trail of his manipulation.

ergo -- this alters alejandro's pespective of noah drastically. because, again, noah is part of the crew and therefore not a threat to his game (and in fact could only really be an asset through this to alejandro), so for him to also be so outwardly comfortable with alejandro's manipulation signifies him as a kind of confidant role; someone alejandro can gloat to in small moments as long as he's careful about who's listening, because noah doesn't care.

as for how that changes london -- well, previously, noah would only take up that kind of confidant role post-london, once the cards were out on the table and alejandro goes with his flirting deflection thing. now though i do think it adds if he takes up the role earlier:

because, well. conflict. in alejandro's eyes, noah is taking on, again, that confidant role that he himself grows quite comfortable in, seeking reprieves from the competition that don't damage his game like how heather does suddenly insulting him behind his back and becoming very outwardly vitriolic and distasteful.

however in noahs eyes, alejandro is two-timing -- he'd probably assume that alejandro is aware (probably assuming he's watched previous seasons) that him and owen are friends, and thus assume he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, through being friendly with noah but being so vocal about his dislike of owen. they're a Package Deal, doesn't he know that?

anyway my point here is that it opens up a lot of opportunity for alejandro to be hurt/confused and retaliate in whatever ways, and for noah to assume he's just doubling-down and thus have it sour his opinion more. misunderstand is what i'm saying here.

.........or comedy of errors. both. both are good.

[formulafang1rl]

Question: Does anybody know who is starting where on Sunday?

I'm entirely confused and it feels like a fucking comedy show. FIA circus at its best 🤣

The only and most important position I know is Max on pole 🏎🏁🥇