#Desirable

[classycookiexo]

[uknu]

We don't talk about the levels of horniness you can get into when you've been gymming continuously. You get your pump and blood flowing and you feel like an untamed animal in heat who just wants to get a hold of his fine shyt lady and make her day by going multiple rounds with wild energy and passion and tell her how desirable and fuckable she is.

And all this pent up energy she'll see just because you went to the gym and your entire body is feeling so good that you want to let some of it out and share that energy with your girl

[sandra-helana]

[constance-emmeline]

Delightful! So pretty! So feminine! ... Beautiful! X

[hektor-world]

Good night

[laddersuccess]

Work hard but dream big

[levpaves]

[youcantseeme-imnothere]

Total slut for a smart brain.

[cute-ai-grannies]

Sexy Sharon, aged 68.

[luredemiel]

[quirki1]

Life goals

[hektor-world]

Hand seeking hand,

five fingers into five to lace

tight, so soft this knot of love,

this seal of hearts' delight.

[poetesse-verte]

Symphonie

Désir de toi, désir brûlant, désir ardent, désir traversé par ton souffle, désir caressant le blues du lundi, désir de connexion, désir écarlate, désir bourgeonnant, désir qui se sculpte, désir m'étouffant en transe. Désir qui effleurent la folie, l'embrasse, douce et enivrante. Quelque fois rugueuse. Folie bleue, emportée par les va-et-vient des vagues du corps. Je me délecte de la profondeur de tes sons, de tes sens. Impatience bouillonnante au creux de mes seins. Eternelles étincelles, chaleur dangereuse montante. Contemplation. Si doux, battant sans relâche. J'ambitionne mes sentiments.

[afrodelirium]

Will you suck on my tits while I touch myself?

[ari-oreo]

blackness, neurodivergance & polyamory

tw: SA mentioned, VENT, cultural & spiritual discussion, desirability politics/concerns, looooonnngg (think small essay)

so, i'm black, omnisexual, polyamorous, auDHD and christian + fat & disabled. i get really confused at the mess that I find myself in when it comes to romantic attraction and relationships with the combination of these identities and my own preferences. in short, i'm afraid of ending up alone and in this fear i get confused in my attraction and i'm worried about maintaining/having any kind of boundaries and standards.

i'm prone to losing my mind and getting really confused whenever someone shows interest in me, even though i might not be attracted to them fully, i've noticed that I tend to convince myself that i'm attracted to them at some point, despite my knowing fully well that they aren't my type or have anykind of personal traits that I find attractive. i get over-excited whenever people talk about finding me physically/sexually attractive as i'm not used to that being a thing. the excitement and panic i related to that makes it difficult for me to bring myself to enforce my boundaries, standards and prefrences as i'm mainly just grateful that i'm attractive to them in the first place. 

but a part of what feeds into this is the fact that i'm not fat in the way that my more attractive peers are, they're fat while having much better proportions than i do, i also grew up in whiter spaces and don't have the features and grasp of black community beauty standards that they do. and i'm not really attracted to non-black/white people, (i had my last white crush in middle school, i am now going into college, i've noticed the polyamorous community is pretty white) and more than this, my disabilities all have a factor of fatigue and this makes taking care of myself at baseline difficult, which makes putting large amounts of effort into my appearance regularly, nearly impossible. this makes it difficult for me to preform adequate black femininity, and while i see myself as more of a stem, it's still difficult. within the black community, it's been hard-pressed to find people that i'm attracted to and are attracted to me that are even OPEN to polyamory in a remotely ethical manner. (this is probably just cause i'm in high school, but i'm also primarily attracted to studs when it comes to girls, but all the ones i've encountered have been astronomically transphobic {im not trans, but transphobia pisses me off} [this isn't a bash on studs, im only a teenager and my area is small])

being christian/christian omnist makes it that much more difficult, because i gave up on finding someone, let alone multiple people, that i could have a relationship with that would share my beliefs and be accepting of my identities. 

these are all only compounded by the fact that i believe myself to be hypersexual, and whenever that hikes/an episode happens, i become desperate for any piece of sexual attention that i can get and any boundaries/apprehensions that i have become secondary, no matter how much i try to keep it all at bay. i become burden upon my partner in how much attention i need and my adhd makes my memory span practically non-existent, meaning that no matter how much i'm given, its almost never enough. this combination fo situations is what lead to my SA, two times in two years, by the same person as consequence of his faux acceptance of polyamory, "christian values"(albeit, performative and mild), open "romantic" & sexual interest in me and the level of attention & affection he was willing to give (it was love-bombing and everything he ever did for me was ploy). and the way that it managed to happen a second time was thanks to my tendency to forget, a symptom of my neurodivergence. he also used spiritual and neurodivergent talking points that made me believe i could trust him. 

my experience with him have only made me and my current partner more worried about my future and if i have any chance of having the life that i want. my partner and i are aware that he and i have very different plans for our lives, (including the fact that he's monogamous, but this isn't the only thing) so we've agreed to split after high school graduation. this has lead to us having open discussions about both of our concerns and fear for me in the future. we're both scared of my hypersexual episodes (which we refer to as the attention-urge) and what they may lead me to do and what people they may lead me to get involved with, my episodes only make the rest of my concerns and conditions worse and i'm scared that i'll never get to have healthy, loving polyamorous relationship without compromising on my prefrences, minimizing aspects of my identity or just not at all.

i'm not sure exactly what this is, but thank you for reading, i hope i was able to get my point across.