#Ex Muslim Awareness Month

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

https://quranx.com/hadith/AbuDawud/DarusSalam/Hadith-4158/

Narrated AbuHurayrah:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Gabriel (ﷺ) came to me and said: I came to you last night and was prevented from entering simply because there were images at the door, for there was a decorated curtain with images on it in the house, and there was a dog in the house. So order the head of the image which is in the house to be cut off so that it resembles the form of a tree; order the curtain to be cut up and made into two cushions spread out on which people may tread; and order the dog to be turned out. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) then did so. The dog belonged to al-Hasan or al-Husayn and was under their couch. So he ordered it to be turned out. Abu Dawud said: Al-Nadd means a thing on which clothes are placed like a couch.

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-3/Book-34/Hadith-318/

Narrated Aisha:

(mother of the faithful believers) I bought a cushion with pictures on it. When Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saw it, he kept standing at the door and did not enter the house. I noticed the sign of disgust on his face, so I said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I repent to Allah and His Apostle. (Please let me know) what sin I have done." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "What about this cushion?" I replied, "I bought it for you to sit and recline on." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "The painters (i.e. owners) of these pictures will be punished on the Day of Resurrection. It will be said to them, 'Put life in what you have created (i.e. painted).' " The Prophet (ﷺ) added, "The angels do not enter a house where there are pictures."

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-7/Book-72/Hadith-834/

Narrated Muslim:

We were with Masruq at the house of Yasar bin Numair. Masruq saw pictures on his terrace and said, "I heard `Abdullah saying that he heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "The people who will receive the severest punishment from Allah will be the picture makers.'"

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-7/Book-72/Hadith-835/

Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Those who make these pictures will be punished on the Day of Resurrection, and it will be said to them. 'Make alive what you have created.'"

December is Ex-Muslim Awareness Month.

[seraphimfall]

happy ex-muslim awareness month btw! great job for making it this far, and i wish you nothing but the best of luck on your deconversion journeys :)

[apostateoverrubies]

Okay so I recently became aware of a tactic that queerphobic people tend to use when debating on LGBTQ+ rights thanks to a Muslim I've been debating with.

They'll ask for our stance on pedophilia since if we're advocating for the rights of queer identities, we have to accept pedophiles as well.

They want to back you into a corner and make you think that queerness and pedophilia are intertwined when that isn't the case.

If that were the case, then only queer people would be attracted to kids but there are also plenty of heterosexual people like that too.

Just because they want to weasel their way into our community doesn't mean we accept them.

Now, it's time for me to go into why a Muslim has no place to criticize LGBTQ+ community for pedophilia acceptance.

I'm doing this because the whole reason this debate is happening is because of one of my earlier posts where I called out certain religious folks for supposedly being against pedophilia while being part of groups that supported it.

I will say I should've worded that post better and be clear about which specific religious groups are guilty of this. But otherwise, my point still stands.

Anyways, back to Islam.

I think many ex Muslims and hopefully other ex religious people out there know about Aisha.

For those of you who don't, Aisha is Muhammad's child bride. They married when she was only six and their relationship was consummated when she was 9.

She was his favorite wife.

So already this is a bad look. How can you say we're the ones promoting pedophilia when your own prophet married a little girl?

But that's not the only case of it, though it is definitely a very infamous one.

What I want to focus on though is verse 65:4. The general focus of the 65 is divorce, thus the title "Surah At-Talaq".

In 65:4, it goes into the waiting period women and girls have until they are either "honorably retained" or "honorably separated." For those going through menopause and even those who have not menstruated, their period is three months.

Sure, one could argue that it could apply to women who are simply unable to menstruate. But if that were the case, we wouldn't be seeing child marriage in the Quran at all.

And like I said, it wasn't just Muhammad who married an underaged girl.

Umar would go on to marry Umm Kuthum while she had supposedly had not yet reached puberty. (But from what I've heard, not every Muslim acknowledges this marriage.)

Urwah ibn Zubayr had also apparently married off his daughter while she was still very young.

Not to mention, child marriage was widespread in Muslim countries. It's only becoming less common place because of "westernization and man-made laws", though this is according to an Islamis source.

And even with all that aside, AFAB Muslims even before puberty are sexualized through strict dress codes to supposedly protect their purity. Though what really is going on here is that young girls are seen as inherently sexual in their eyes, and instead of protecting them from creeps, it's on the girls to "remain pure."

So yeah, next time you think about calling out queer people for pedophilia acceptance, check your own religion first.

[a-room-of-my-own]

To track the ‘incel’ diatribes uttered and read by Jake Davison, murdering women can seem like the logical conclusion to their seething hatred.

The hours after a fatal attack on members of the public are harrowing. Confusion reigns, rumours swirl and anxious people try to contact loved ones to make sure they are safe. Last Thursday evening, as reports of gunfire and possible fatalities on a housing estate in Plymouth began to circulate, the question of whether it was a terrorist incident was at the forefront of everyone’s minds. When Devon and Cornwall police announced it was not terrorism-related, I wondered how they could be so sure – and their judgment has been called into question by everything that has emerged since.

We now know that 22-year-old Jake Davison was a misogynist who shot dead his mother, who had recently been treated for cancer, before taking the lives of four others. There are parallels between Plymouth and the Sandy Hook massacre in Connecticut in 2012, when Adam Lanza shot his mother five times before going to a primary school where he killed 20 children and six adults, all women. Not for the first time, the significance of extreme misogyny in the genesis of a fatal attack on members of the public seems to have been missed.

It is hard to see how Davison’s actions fail to meet the government’s definition of terrorism, which includes “the use of threat or action… to intimidate the public”. Examples include serious violence against one or more people, endangering someone’s life or creating a serious risk to the health and safety of the public: tick, tick and tick. But here is the get-out clause. The definition stipulates that terrorism must be “for the purpose of advancing a political, religious, racial or ideological cause” and it is often argued that even the most extreme misogyny does not meet that test.

It seems that its deadly interaction with other forms of extremism is poorly understood, something that struck me forcibly after the Manchester Arena bombing in 2017. Five years earlier, Salman Abedi was already showing signs of being radicalised, but the significance of his assault on a young Muslim woman at college was not recognised. Abedi punched her in the head for wearing a short skirt, almost knocking her out in front of witnesses. It was an act of staggering brutality, displaying a toxic combination of misogyny and allegiance to Islamist ideology, along with a low threshold for violence. Yet Abedi was not charged. Greater Manchester police dealt with the incident through restorative justice and Abedi owned up to anger management issues, avoiding a referral to the Prevent counter-terrorism programme. In what seems to be an example of history repeating itself, it has been revealed that Devon and Cornwall police recently restored Davison’s firearms licence, which he lost in December, after he agreed to take part in an anger management course.

Yet Davison made no secret of his seething resentment of women, posting hate-filled diatribes on YouTube. He compared himself to “incels” – involuntary celibates – angry young men who blame women for their inability to get sex and revealed an obsession with guns. In a video uploaded three weeks before the shootings, he came close to justifying sexual violence. “Why do you think sexual assaults and all these things keep rising?” he demanded in a 10-minute rant, claiming that “women don’t need men no more”. One of the questions Devon and Cornwall police need to answer is if they were aware of the content of Davison’s social media posts when they returned his licence.

In North America, incels have been linked with white supremacy, as well as being held responsible for the murders of around 50 people. In Canada, their ideology has been designated a form of violent extremism following an attack on a Toronto massage parlour last year in which a woman was stabbed to death by a 17-year-old man. It was the second such attack in the city in two years, after a self-described incel drove a van into pedestrians in 2018, killing 10 people.

In the UK, however, misogyny is not even widely recognised as the driving force behind violence against women. Time and again, we hear about men who supposedly “just snapped” and killed their female partners in what the police describe as “domestic” and “isolated” incidents. Not so isolated, given that 1,425 women were killed by men in the UK between 2009 and 2018, but we are expected to believe that such homicides could not be predicted or stopped. In fact, it is rare for a woman to be murdered by a current or former partner without a previous history of domestic abuse.

Hatred of women is normalised, dismissed as an obsession of feminists, even when its horrific consequences are staring us in the face. In June last year, two sisters, Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman, were murdered in a north London park by a teenager. Danyal Hussein, now 19, had been referred to Prevent after using school computers to access rightwing websites, but was discharged after a few months with no further concerns. What seems to have been missed is his virulent misogyny, which led him to make a “pact” with a “demon” to kill six women in six months.

Five years ago, I began to notice how many men who committed fatal terrorist attacks had a history of misogyny and domestic abuse – practising at home, in other words. No one would listen so I wrote a book about it, listing around 50 perpetrators who had previously terrorised current and ex-partners. It was published in 2019 and inspired groundbreaking research by counter-terrorism policing, showing that almost 40% of referrals to the Prevent programme had a history of domestic abuse, as perpetrators, witnesses or victims. Project Starlight has produced a number of recommendations, arguing that counter-terrorism officers need to look for evidence of violence against women when they are assessing the risk posed by suspects.

That is a welcome development, but we need to go further. We are all in shock after hearing about the horrific events in Plymouth, while the grief of the victims’ families is awful to contemplate. But Davison’s murderous rampage demonstrates that our understanding of what constitutes terrorism is too restrictive. Extreme misogyny needs to be recognised as an ideology in its own right – and one that carries an unacceptable risk of radicalising bitter young men

[lastsonlost]

Monica Young always dreamed of being a teacher despite grim school years

She claims she was bullied, sexually assaulted and ostracised as a teenager

And yet, she went on to sexually assault a 14-year-old three months into teaching

She claims boyfriend at the time was abusive and his family didn't accept her

But he says the allegations are false - and even vows to still 'be there for her'

Monica Young always dreamed of becoming a teacher despite years of classroom bullying, sexual abuse in the playground and struggling with her grades.

And yet, within three months of landing her dream role at an all-boys school in Sydney's southwest, she started to groom and sexually abuse a 'vulnerable' 14-year-old boy.

The 24-year-old was sentenced in the New South Wales District Court on Wednesday after pleading guilty to three counts of aggravated sexual intercourse with a minor.

Throughout the proceedings, the court heard details of her lonely six years of high school, beginning in grade seven when she was sexually assaulted by a peer.

There was little sympathy for the convicted child abuser as she was led to her cell on Wednesday to begin her four year and nine month sentence, but Judge Kate Traill told the court she was given an insight into the root cause of the offending.

Young struck up a relationship with the boy at the school where she was employed as his teacher, groomed him online and eventually encouraged him to have sex with her - on and off campus - on several occasions.

He was too young to give consent and has since told the court the offending ruined his life.

The boy was forced to drop out of school after his peers found out, and his relationship with his brother, parents and extended family has been strained by the proceedings.

The court heard that Young admitted to knowing the feeling. When she was aged 12 and in grade seven, a boy of a similar age sexually assaulted her by pulling her by the ponytail to his crotch area, and holding her face there.

She reported the assault and the boy was subsequently expelled from school.

But her peers, she claims, bullied her incessantly for 'being a snitch' after the assault and the court heard Young struggled to make any friends at school in the years to follow.

One of her only friends came when she was in year 12 and studying for her HSC with dreams of becoming a school teacher.

The friend was a boy two grades younger than her who repeated year 10 because he struggled academically. He sought her out and what begun as a tutoring dynamic developed into a close friendship.

Eventually the duo became involved romantically, but his traditional Lebanese, Muslim family never approved.

Young agreed to a bureaucratic conversion to Islam in an attempt to gain their trust and with that came concessions for the relationship. She was able to begin sleeping in the same room as her partner and travelling away on holidays together.

They later got engaged and Young was again on the outer with his family, the court heard.

A traditional Islamic ceremony took place, but the court heard the union is not recognised in Australian law.

Young's lawyer claims the relationship soured when her partner began cheating on her, took control of her finances, isolated her from friends and family and 'became abusive'.

He denies the allegations, telling Daily Mail Australia he has 'the utmost respect for women' and only ever treated Young the same way he would want his mother or sister to be treated in a relationship.

Despite the serious claims levelled against him, Young's ex maintains he will continue to offer her support even while behind bars - and despite the fact that she is now single.

But he won't be paying her a visit any time soon, acknowledging inmates get little time to accept visitors and that her immediate family deserve priority access to her.

The court previously heard that Young was not particularly bright, exemplified by her Higher School Certificate ATAR score of just 44.

That mark is just 14 points shy of a 'mystery mark' - a black dot which is generally issued on the testamurs of students who score 30 or below.

Most teaching degrees in Australia have a minimum ATAR acceptance ranking of about 65, but schools have been known to accept lower scores in recent years.

Young's lawyer, Margaret Cunneen SC, previously told the court she would not be considered a 'mature person' for somebody her age and struggled to develop both academically and socially.

Read the raunchy texts Young sent her victim begging for sordid hook-ups before having sex with the boy in the school's stairwell - and even a classroom while the rest of the year nine class watched DISNEY

Young initiated contact with the boy on Snapchat, sending him a message which asked him to 'send pics' in exchange for provocative photos of herself, the NSW District Court's agreed set of facts reveal.

She would also FaceTime the year nine student as she performed sex acts on herself.

Young struck up a relationship with a boy who she taught six times a fortnight in geography, PDHPE and science when they began communicating closely because of the Covid lockdown which shut the school.

On one occasion, she messaged him asking him to hug her at school the next day, and when he didn't, she sent a follow up accusing him of 'not having the balls'.

The dare became a frequent tactic Young used to convince the boy to lure the boy into sexual liaisons.

On another occasion, she sent a message which read: 'It's dangerous if we get caught, but if you do it it'll be worth it'.

The duo exchanged messages about the sex acts they wanted to perform on each other, with Young initiated the 'sexting' on several occasions.

The most brazen of her offending occurred inside the school's classrooms, once where she messaged her victim to meet him in an English room to perform a sex act on him, and a second time where she groped the boy at the back of the classroom while the rest of the year nine class watched Disney movie, WALL-E.

During the movie, a friend of the boy even sat on the other side of him as the sex act took place.

The victim was also encouraged to lie about his whereabouts, telling his mother on one occasion he stayed back late at school to get help on an assignment, and even skipped afternoon classes to spend time with Young.

On the last day of school, the duo met on the staircase at 3.20pm to kiss goodbye, and Young performed oral sex on the 14-year-old.

She then returned to the staff room, the statement of facts read.

When she finally landed her first job at an all boys high school in Sydney's southwest, she was a new graduate specialising in PDHPE, a coveted role among teachers.

Instead, she was assigned 23 geography classes, with a smattering of science and PDHPE classes.

When she took to the stand during her sentencing hearing two weeks ago, she admitted to being overwhelmed by the workload.

Young didn't want to admit she was struggling and ask for help, so she did her best to stay one page ahead of her students by studying the textbooks and teachers' notes each night before class.

Within three weeks, the Covid pandemic closed the schools and Young, along with all of her students, was forced online.

It was during this time that the line between student and teacher was 'criminally blurred', and after years of struggling to bond with people her own age, Young claims she befriended her victim.

But there was no 'friendship'. The boy admitted in a victim impact statement supplied to the court that he never expected Young could hurt him and that he learned to trust her.

To him, she was the 'cool' teacher.

She sought him out on Snapchat and the relationship progressed from there. At one point, there was a group chat between Young, the victim and his friend, the court heard.

They had sex on multiple occasions between June 24 and July 6 2020, including at least twice on the school's grounds and once in her car at a local park.

On one occasion, she messaged him asking him to hug her at school the next day, and when he didn't, she sent a follow up accusing him of 'not having the balls'.

The dare became a frequent tactic Young used to convince the boy to lure the boy into sexual liaisons.

Teenage sexual abuse victim reveals how his life was 'ruined'

In a victim impact statement read to the court, the boy described how his relationship with his brother, parents, only friend and cousin deteriorated when they found out about his relationship with Young.

The boy said he 'feels like a failure who let his entire family down' and has only recently realised the extent of the abuse.

'He says the offender has ruined his dreams… ruined his school and his relationship with his family and friends and trust in others and ruined his life,' Judge Traill said.

The court heard the boy constantly hears his parents bicker and blame each other for not noticing the abuse sooner.

His brother 'hates him for embarrassing him in front of his friends at school' and the victim says he can no longer go on family holidays due to a strained relationship with extended family.

The victim never returned to the school he once loved because all of his peers were aware of the court case, and he is now enrolled at TAFE, despite once having aspirations of becoming a physiotherapist.

'He struggles to smile about anything anymore,' the court heard.

On another occasion, she sent a message which read: 'It's dangerous if we get caught, but if you do it it'll be worth it'.

The duo exchanged messages about the sex acts they wanted to perform on each other, with Young initiated the 'sexting' on several occasions.

The most brazen of her offending occurred inside the school's classrooms, once where she messaged her victim to meet him in an English room to perform a sex act on him, and a second time where she groped the boy at the back of the classroom while the rest of the year nine class watched Disney movie, WALL-E.

During the movie, a friend of the boy even sat on the other side of him as the sex act took place.

On the last day of school, the duo met on the staircase at 3.20pm to kiss goodbye, and Young performed oral sex on the 14-year-old.

At the beginning of her sentencing hearing, she tearfully told the court: 'I just never imagined I'd be one of those people… I've never been in trouble with the law. I hope he and his family can forgive me.

'I was foolish.'

She wrote an apologetic letter to the victim and his family in which she said she regrets letting the relationship progress and understands that both her victim and his family will carry the trauma of the offence 'for the rest of their lives'.

'I knew it was wrong, I knew my actions were inappropriate but I couldn't let myself believe it,' she said. 'He trusted me and I abused that trust.'

On Wednesday, the court agreed.

Judge Kate Traill described her offending as a 'violation of trust' before delivering her sentence. Young will be eligible for parole on October 31st, 2023.

'[You] exploited his vulnerability and manipulated him,' Judge Traill said.

Young was ultimately sentenced to four years and nine months' custody, but with time served she will be eligible for parole in a little more than two years.

She will never be employed as a teacher again, and Judge Traill acknowledged she would need to be reintegrated into the community and her life post-sentence.

'But for these very serious offences she is a very impressive young lady… she was in a very bad relationship and made very bad decisions,' Judge Traill said.

[popculturebuffet]

Justice League: In Blackest Night Review: A Case Study in Why John Stewart is  Awesome

Hello my Green Lantern Corps and happy black history month! And happy 40th Anniversary Year to John Stewart. And let’s get this out of the way now not the one replaced by trevor noah who handed Tucker Carlson his ass on television and got his show canceled, please do it again John i’d be greatful, and has a weird obession with how Pizza should be. No i’m of course talking about the Green Lantern, the third from earth and the second to headline the book itself, John Stewart.  But to me.. he was my first Green Lantern and one that gave me a deep and abiding love of the Corps since all thanks to this very episode. It’s thanks to John I’m the green lantern loving nerd I am today and without him I probably wouldn’t of found Guy, Jessica, Simon, Alan, and Kyle not to mention got into the varoius other corps. It’s thanks to this episode I wanted to seek out these wonderful characters eventaully and in part why I got into JLI, one of my faviorite teams, among many ohter great things and books. 

So quite obviously both this episode, which I haven’t seen in probably a decade, and John have a great place in my heart. And thus it warms said heart to FINALLY see John getting the recogntion he deserves: he’s going to be one of the starring roles in the upcoming HBO Max series, he was on Scott Snyder’s justice league, and he’s now going to be headlniing the main Green Lantern book going forward under writer Geoffry Throne, who like me was VERY sick of the Hal Jordan show the Green Lantern franchise could become at times, and also like me gave out about it a LOT. The fact DC hired him despite a very public and easily accesable record of him slagging of their use of Hal instead of him ESPECAILLY in the new 52 reboot aka why Cyborg is in the Justice League movie as Geoff kinda shoved hal in there despite John being a more sensible pick and doing so not only shoving the Martain Manhunter, who this show also gave me a deep lasting love for, out of the team but forcing Cyborg onto the team despite fitting with the titans better and, AGAIN there being a black green lantern and given the New 52 kept the history of there being multiple lanterns, no reason Hal could’ve been SECOND instead other than DanDiDio’s bitchy habit of EVERYTHING WAS BETTER ON MY EARTH that poisoined the company for a good decade before recently. 

And yes I felt the need to rant about that, yes Green Lantern the animated series is still good mind you, I just got tired of bland white guy over “Really awesome, really layred especailly thanks to this series black guy”, “stubborn asshole white guy whose hilarious and has a heart underneath the layers of douchebag”, “creative and imaginative white guy who has as personality and really uses the ring in fun ways”, and more recently “A muslim superhero struggling with his past who’se also really energetic and fun and has an intresting family life” and “Latnix superheroine who struggles with anxiety and actually struggles with constructs and once she gets past that has very unique ones”. In other words, yeah I’m bitter because everyone else was more intresting than Hal, and it’s only in recent years with Jessica gaining promience and John regaining it that DC’s finally broke out of that and is actually using the intresting ones, and again without John I wouldn’t be a fan, so they had no real excuse to barely use him outside of the comics if at at all after a while. 

So yeah as you can tell by that rant and by how specific it got for each lantern, this is one of my faviorite franchises, as said this episode is responsible and so for Black History Month I felt i’d be a huge mistake on my part if I DIDN’T cover my boy John and this episode and see how it held up. The fact it’s his 40th anniversary wasn’t something I was aware of, but now I am, expect more Johncentric episodes from Justice League sprinkled throughout the year to celebrate one of my first and possibly best GL. 

Naturally before we get to the episode we have to get to the series itself. The series was launched as Batman Beyond was winding down. Bruce Timm wanted to keep the crew together, something I could empathize with since Owen Dennis and JG Quintel have ran into that same problem lately, with most of their crews drifting off during the gaps in production and Owen desperate to get the show renewed  before he lost everybody. A good crew isn’t had to find in animation but KEEPING them for multiple shows or seasons can be. And there was one project the fans wanted more than anything: The Justice League. After all BOTH Batman and Superman had had tons of guest stars, especailly the latter, with Batman having Zantana show up and Superman having the Flash (Wally West), Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner) and Aquaman all show up. There were seeds there.. but Timm was relcutant as he had trouble ballancing 2 or 3 heroes in a fight scene, wanting to keep them al lin focus so fans didn’t wonder where they were and they didnt’ have to cut back and forth, the idea of juggling 7 was daunting.  So as Beyond was finishing production a few things happened: The first is that they did the episode The Call, focusing on a future version of the League, and while only a two parter, it showed Timm his crew might be able to juggle a team of heroes after all, and second was the pitches Timm made BEFORE justice league. Since Kids WB had been hteir partner for a while now they tried pitching both a batman anime, he did not provide many details, and in his own words a “Kidified” justice league, basically the justice leagued mashed with the titans including a female version of cyborg. It was the latter pitch, which was rejected by Kids WB, that finally convinced Timm they could do this, but if they did it couldn’t be half assed or having compromises. it had to be what it SHOULD be. So they went to somewhere new, if in the same family and asked cartoon network, who said...

And here we are. They took their time to work out the characters, apparently taking a lot of delbiration, mostly on which GL to go with, and if they were going to do a hawk wether to go for hawkman or hawkgirl. In the end the roster was the iconic big 7 one, in large part thanks to Grant Morrison taking that concept and reviving it in his run on the team, but shaking it up slightly: Barry was naturally replaced with Wally West flash as he was THE flash in the comics, gave a slightly younger member for the others to play off of, and was more popular.. something Dan DiDio plugged his ears and went LALALALALALAL about for a decade before FINALLY leaving the company so he could stop screwing with a character he hated for reasons that can be summed up as ‘MY FLASH IS BETTER. YOU’LL LIKE MY FLASH.. YOU’LL SEE I JUST HAVE TO MAKE THE OTHER ONE A MASS MURDERER.. THAT’LL SHOW YOU FOR NOT LIKING WHAT I LIKE”... I still have maybe a smidge of lingering issues over how wally was treated the last few years after his return. I do not apologize for htem or for doing a little dance when I found out Didio was gone. 

Point is it wasn’t the only subsitution as Hal Jordan was replaced by John, obviously and rather than use Aquaman, they went with Hawkgirl, though Arthur still got an episode focusing on him fairly early into the series which has the iconic moment of him cutting his hand off to save his son. I dare you to find something more badass. Bruce both liked her deisgn better and felt it helped with the gender ballance. 

So with all that set and with some growing pains to get through they had their show so join me under the cut to see how it turned out. Spoilers: It good. 

We open INNNNNN SPACCCEEEEEEE, as a coaltion of neat looking aliens wants justice and has gone to a space court lead by three weird alien faces, likely inspiried by the kryptoian tribunal in the donnerverse superman movies, with their prosecutor sending a group of mysterious robots known as the Manhunters to go fetch the accused for a trial: John Stewart. Given he’s voiced by Kurtwood “Red Forman” Smith, i’m very surpised he didn’t order them to also put their foots up his ass. Maybe he’s saving it for the trial.

After the titles we cut to John himself whose in shades and trenchant for reasons.. I mean it looks neat, but he’s in his old neighborhood not hunting down his exes killer or trying to hide the fact he’s a ninja turtle. Why is he all disguised. I mean sure WE know people are coming from him and given what he thinks he did he knows.. but he has no intention of running from what he did. It’s just a weird stylistic choice. That said we do get a cool sequence when while casually walking he notices a robbery, and stops it simply by first stopping the wheel then levitating the car.. and while he does get a little showy shaking the guy upside down to return the money.. it’s all very controlled. It shows off how John works. While we’ve seen him at work as Green Lantern before this this small sequence says volumes about john in the span of a few minutes, showing that shilw he HAS immense power, he only uses the amount he needs, knows when to hold back, and only shows off a tiny bit, and even then he’s likely still keeping the theif absolutely safe. It also provides excellent foreshadowing for later as to why the League takes his side even when he refuses to defend himself, as it shows that John really is a professional true and true.

He runs by a basketball court and fails to make a basket when throwing a ball back to a kid before meeting his old gym teacher, who turns out to be the kids uncle or something like that, and invites John to join them as they go to the barber shop. The kid wants John’s haircut, his granpa says the usual and i’m wondering why as John’s haircut isn’t that radical: it’s a miltiary style cut, belying the fact that for this series, while it dosen’t come up in the plot here, John was a former marine instead of an architect. Honestly.. this wasn’t a bad change, giving us the deciated and measured john we know, to the point the comics gladly retconned it in. Not that it’s really a huge deal given it meelrly adds shades to the guy and dosen’t prevent him from being an architect. It just adds lairs by giving a reaosn he’s so focused and driven. He had it drilled into him and carried it with him. 

Meanwhile on the watchtower The Flash clumisly tries to get to know Hawkgirl better and maunver into asking her out, though it’s clear sh’es not intrested. Still even if he can’t help flirting, and it sometimes gets creepily obnoxious, it’s still better than I expected remembering this running subplot, as he DOES try to get to know her and what she does in her off time, even if it’s to set up asking her out, and is trying to ask her out instead of just hitting on her or doing anything far more creeptacular. It’s still not great mind you and hasn’t aged well at all.. but for the time it’s not TERRIBLE and again it goes away pretty quickly in favor of the much more intresting John and Shierya relationship. 

Flash accidently shoots himself in the foot.. conversationally though given how Wally is at this point in the series I wouldn’t be suprised, by asking the Martian Manhunter, who gives Hakwgirl an easy exit if he’s ever felt alone.. you know the guy whose entire race including his wife and child died horribly. He quickly apologizes though and John understands he just stuck his foot in his mouth at lighting speed. And it’s not the MOST insensitive he’s been about Jonn’s dead wife. 

But things are soon interupted as Jonn notes “We have an incursion!” 

But the Avengers are dealing with all of that so they can instead focus on the Manhunters shooting toward earth. I really like this as the primary reason Batman set up this station was to monitor for alien threats, it just because the Leagues base because superman had the idea to stay as a team and it was a good un, and given earth JUST had an invasion, as this likely isn’t too long after that given it’s only the second set of episodes, it’s understandable they’d  be on high alert. 

So our heroes move to intercept. As the first episode after the pilot this one also sets up a recurring part of the show and a necessary one: only a handful of Leaguers would feature in each two-parter, as the episodes for the first two seasons were essentially one hourlong story split into two episodes. The only exceptions were the three part premire, the three part finales for each season, and the sole solo episode comfort and joy which is fucking awesome and my faviorite christmas episode period. But even with the extended run time the crew simply felt i’td be unwiedly to juggle 7 characters eveyr episode, feeling it’d eventually get to original series star trek leevels of having one just manning a console or something. So rather than try and cram them all into every episode, they choose who they needed and gave valid excuses for the rest when necessary. In this case Batman and Wonder Woman have solo missions their busy with , as does Superman whose adressing an earthquake.  Our heroes try talking to the Manhunters.. who refuse to talk to them and then also say their coming for John, and aren’t explaning why. So naturally a brawl breaks out as the League SHOCKINGLY dosen’t want their friend who as far as they know has done nothing wrong taken by a brutish paramilitary force who won’t actual talk to the citzens their policing or try and be coporative. More on this in a second. The fight itself is pretty awesome as our heroes fight as evenly as they can.. but it’s clear their outgunned outplanned outnumbered and outmanned, as while their you know the justice league and do their best and Jonn is in Superman’s weight class the battle makes it VERY clear their barely holding in there and that the blast from the manhunters rods are just too potent for them to stand up against. 

But help and hope arrives and things get a bit less lopsided when Superman shows up! Unfortunately it’s season 1 superman, and something a lot of fans noticed but I as a kid didn’t and the crew themslves did not until it was too late to course correct for the season, was that Superman came off as a bit of a wimp in this series. See they had the good intention of having him struck down to show a threat’s serious, something TV Tropes calls the “The Worf effect” after the fact that Worf on Star Trek TNG would get knocked on his ass a lot for the same reason, but it has the side effect of making a character look like their made of paper mache if done too often. To the crew’s credit they realized this and not only made sure this didn’t happen as much in season 2, but dedicated the first episode of Season 2, twilight, to showing Superman as a badass by having him try and cave Darkseid’s skull in. Granted they overcompensated in places in that episode, but that’s a story for another day. Point is he had a habit of getting knocked around and it varied between really effective and overselling it. Here it works as the manhunters had already knocked Jonn around a bit, knocking him into some poor kid’s apartment whose really wondering what the fuck just happened too much to enjoy meeting the martian manhunter, so him  not being too on top of them simply sells this threat is equal, and possibly past the League. 

Meanwhile John is talking to his former teacher who says the kid reminds him of John... it’s not only a nice bit of depth to show the restrained John used to be a bit of a hellraiser before the Marines.. but also shows John’s guilt as he hopes not.. but before he can unload, he notices the fight and suits up to his old mentors shock and the kids joy, I mean I would too if a guy suddenly because a green lantern in front of me, and dashes off.. to surrender and break up the fight, handing over his ring and going with them and telling the League not to interfere. Their response can be summed up thusly. 

To John, he’s peacefully surrendering for a crime he comitted to a bruitsh and unfair police force but one who is duly deputized and as an officer himself, for the unaware the Green Lanterns are space cops and given the reason rightfuly reconing on the police I will certainly be discussing this as we go, is trying to coparate and prevent any collateral. While LIKELY Bruce pays for any that happens, as beneath his batdick demanour at times he’s a very good man and if he has the pockets for a space station, space craft, commuincators and all the good stuff a superhero team has on hand, he probably has a dedicated fund set up to paying for collateral since insurance might not cover it, and not only that would likely give any impacted extra to do any upgrades they coudln’t before because he’s a philanorphist .. one who dresses up like a bat to punch people in the face, but that itself is still philathophy in a way. 

But to the League? Their friend was taken by a bunch of shady paramilitary robots who didn’t bother talking to them, is trying to keep them out of it and for all they know only surrendered to prevent a fight, and even if he had valid reasons, as his friends-ish and teammates, they have a right to answers. So while John sits in his cell completlating his apparent crimes.. the JL have taken off in the Javelin, the spaceship I mentioned batman funding. And of course Batman has both spaceship money and had a design for one so ready it likely took a month at most for him to get it up and running, if not less, and only didn’t have one in the batcave because he hadn’t neededed it yet and likely didn’t want to embezle more money than he has to from his company. Jonn uses the stars John saw, say that three times fast I dare you, to find a location and our heroes head there.  Our heroes arrive.. and are attacked by the local security despite Superman geninely trying to hail them, the Javelin not firing back and our heros only going out to intercpet personally so they don’t die, and even then making careful certainty not to attack. So we get another thrilling battle, with our three flying heroes all pitching in, and the flash realizing he dosen’t know how to fly the thing and me cursing out bruce in my head for you know, not either forcing flash to learn the stuff, or having the forsight to put a manual on board for any members who forgot something, aka so when Wally inteivibly goofs off and eats candy instead of reading it the first time, he can speed read it and at least retain it long enough to land the thing in a crisis. If it were anyone else i’d be understanding but this is the guy who again, either had spaceship plans lying around or could get one together in the span of a month or so and while not thinking of the ship in terms of a team, still also paid for and likely created the commuincators they used, so he’d know his team well enough to know he needs this. 

My nitpicking aside, our heroes land, make quick work of the locals, and then crash in on John’s trial after he’s escorted in, passing his fellow lanterns who rightfully treat him with disdain.. but for the wrong reasons as we’ll see. John gives  groaning “oh no” , like he’s embarassed. When REALLY..

Seriously John, again you were as far as they knew kidnapped, and the way the manhunters acted, they had no reason to think they were legitamate, and you didn’t take five minutes to tell them, “They have every reason to be takning me” or “I blew up a planet I deserve this” . They still would’ve came mind you, they just might of realized this wasn’t a traditional rescue mission and actually tried to use some subtly. You also COULD have told the manhunters they might show up so the security wouldn’t attack them. They probably woudln’t o LISTEND or attacked themselves, so i’ts a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation, but you still did absolutely nothing. It’s the one mistep with John here and even then it has the justification of his self loathing at the moment being so high, he assumed they’d rightfully write him off without question.. not to mention given the team is mostly white guys, two aliens and a princess who woudln’t know better, he probably assumed like most white dumbasses they’d assume the police were correct and not give him the benifit of a doubt. To their credit, especially since you know one of them’s superman and the other one’s a professional dumbass, they didn’t think that for a second. Some would not be such a good person. 

But Prosecutor Forman and the big giant heads aren’t much better than the manhunters, so Prosecutor Forman sends some orange guys to put foots up their asses.. and since unlike the manhunters their just... some ambigiously gendered aliens with no powers, they go down quick and before the manhunters enter, superman RIGHTFULLY calls them out, as he points out they just wanted to know what the hell was going on, didn’t throw the first punch, and have been under attack since, and the heads admit this IS a public trial, and they kinda overreacted so as long as the superfriends don’t do any other antics and watch like anyone else, their good. Superman has his team play it safe for now as they really don’t know what’s going on and given they could only stalemate the manhunters on even footing, they know they can’t take them on their home turf.  

The trial is soon underway, and Prosecutor Forman calls the witnsees.. Kanjar Ro, also voiced by Smith. This is neat little bit as Ro was one of the first foes the League fought in the comics, a space pirate, and while he originally was just going to be some random asshole, someone brought up the idea of him being Ro and the crew really loved it. It’s a nice nod to the comics and honestly if you have a vast superhero universe with decades of continuity to draw from for your show, why NOT make the secondary villian of the episode be someone from the comics. 

Ro is, like the comics, a pirate and seemingly came forward because what John did was so bad even he can’t stomach it and has to say something. So we FINALLY find out what John did.. well okay the audience as a whole does I remember this from being a kid. He and Ro had a routine cop and robber interaction, Ro was smuggling shit, and John was doing his job as GL of Sector 2814 and stopping him and cut out his engine.. but seemingly said engine drifted off, and destroyed a planet as  result via chain reaction, and thus the debris right outside the planet John’s being tried on are apparently thsoe of the planet he accidently killed. The court takes a break and while the League, understandably, assume that the obviously shady man was lying John ends part one by confirming that no he did it. And this is why I put a pin in things... because the episode being about a space cop being arrested by worse space cops and dealing with his friends in the badge turning on him while some of his other friends try to prove he’s innocent, and the man in question being an african american... tackles some very loaded issues that, givent he writer and most of the staff, Dwayne McDuffie accepted, were very much white, i’m thinking they just kind of fell backward into and it only came out as good as it did either do to McDuffie or just blind luck that it didn’t turn out entirely awful in hindsight.

And if anyone is complaning: “Wait you dont’ need to get political leave politics out of this”.. please leave my fucking blog. For one, the recknoing with the police was long overdue, I feel ashamed for not having it sink in how fundementally broken the police were and not realizing it for my whole fucking life, I knew some cops were bad but I hadn’t realized the institution was inherently racist and bad  and feel so much deep and lasting shame for that, and for another again it’s a story that at it’s core is a black police officer being arrested for doing something wrong, taking full responsiblity for his actions like a police officer SHOULD, and having friends of his try and prove he didn’t really do it, while his fellow officers, rather than find the act itself abohhrent, come out as either being loyal to john no matter what (kilowog) because fellow officer, or assholes who ONLY are upset because it makes them look bad, and are ONLY distancing themselves because of that, and not because you know JOHN MAY OF CAUSED A GENOCIDE BY INCOMPETNECE. So yeah, i’m not ignoring the real world implications, I couldn’t and wouldn’t if I wanted to, and i feel if done right ANY medium, animation, comics, what have you, for kids or not, can tackle such issues and should be able to. 

So i’m not ignoring the elephant in the room, and as we get into part 2 we get the good and bad of this in full: Superman feels something’s off about this whole thing, a hunch admitely but given an engine falling in a crater seems a bit too convinent, he has a right to investigate and takes MM to do so, while he leaves Flash and Hakwgirl to stall. Both take diffrent approaches: Flash signs on as GL’s lawyer.. and it’s an awesome scene as we find out, in your standard evil lawyer joke, that the tribunal of faces solved this by simply having the lawyer share the punishment.. but it also shows Flash’s loyalty and faith that his friend did not do this and something worse is at work, as he still agrees after learning he’ll probably die if his other friends don’t fix this. 

And now we have full context i can get into where this episode really does the issue justice for the most part: John is presented as the model of both what the GL Corps and what police should be: He’s professional, uses minimal force despite having a weapon that can do anything, and when he THINKS he did something horrible, he dosen’t run from his crime: the most he does is go back home to see it once last time, simply waiting for someone to come and get him for what it did wether it be his own brothers in arms or as we saw the manhunters and he doesn’t defend himself because he dosen’t feel he should as he screwed up, got an entire planet killed, and rightly thinks he should pay for it. He’s likely, as a black man in the early 2000′s, been falsely accused, pulueld over and fucked over by police and seen people in his community he knewe and care about die because of shit like this so when given the chance to take responsibility, even from a clearly broken system, he does. Because in the same situation a lot of officers back at home would not and would walk away clean and that’s not who John Stewart is, how he was raised, or what he or the corps stands for. 

But the episode gets to have it’s cake and eat it too, as the League does belivie John didn’t do this on purpose.. and the blind faith they especially superman did come off as wince inducing.. until I realized it’s not because of some “brotherhood of the badge” bullshit.. but because it’s Superman. He belivies in the good of most people. In this very series despite Lex Luthor having tried to kill him dozens of times at this point, he STILL shows the guy empathy when he finds out Lex is dying of cancer. Lex spits at the notion of course and dosen’t take it seroiusly.. but Superman is just that good a person, so if he has a hunch somethings’ wrong.. it probably is. And even if he and Jonn found nothing... it’s the right thing to do. A crime should ALWAYS be properly investigated to make sure someone dosen’t hang for something they did not do. This is what I meant by have it’s cake and eat it too: the episode tackles police brutality.. but the accused is also the victim, and it thus tackles the unfairness in the us courts, how black people are often assumed guilty when that’s horribly racist and biased as fuck and how Police are assumed correct. Our heroes are assuming john is right based on optisim but are not wrong for wanting him to at LEAST get a fair trial and full investigation that clearly was not done. It also covers, again probably intetioanlly, how some are often not able to get proper representatin, with this court outright getting rid of it, which is wrong and bad, and the flash being the best John can do and not very good at it, mostly stalling for time. It shows the system’s brokena nd soemtimes you have to directly fight iht and can’t just take it , and even if your convinced your guilty and want to rightfuly take the blame for something your sure you did... you still deserve a fair trial and a compitent one. 

It’s not all good: as said the gl’s are portrayed as bad for not wanting anything to do with john, and in order to make them unsympathetic they care more about their rep than the fact a friend may of comited genocide and kilowog showing up and providing character witness is seen as a good thing, even if he provides no actual character evidence other than “Johnny’s a good guy” and that’s not ideal. It’s not perfect and again it was writtne by an old white guy so of course it isn’t but the fact it gets so much right the more you dig in despitei t’s awwkardness and being written and aired 20 years ago... that is nothing to sneeze at. 

We have more to dig into here too with the manhunters but first moreof the plot: While the other stuff mentioned happens, Superman and Jonn investigate as said.. and we find out WHY superman was supscious: while it was part hunch.. he did in fact have valid reason to suspect something was off, and as we saw actually heard the case against his friend first, and only went against it because the evidence was off.. in that the MOON of the planet is still there and should’ve flown off. He and Jonn soon find a MASSIVE device that John identifies as a bigger version of a toy he had as a kid, something that created images... and again shows whya  PROPER investigation was needed. Had the court actually looked into it instead of presuming John guilty, they would’ve found this thing too. Naturally though Kanjar Ro has followed them and wants to kill them.. but with her subplot wrapped up Hawkgirl went to seei f they needed backup, stealing one of the guard ships which given they attacked people on ap lanet iwth a PUBLIC TRIAL going on without haling them yeah don’t blame her, and kicks his ass. Our heroes find out the truth as I mentioned earlier: Ro was paid to lie and be in on things for an assload of money.. byt he Manhutners.. who at the moment are plotting to strike while Oa, the home of the green lanterns is weak, as the Guardians who created them and monitor them mostly left to go to the trial.

As we catch up with them, THe guardians speak on each lantern being trusted with the ring and given little oversight.. because they pick wisely. The prosecutor just wants John to hang, calls for a sentence, which is death and John and Flash nearly die, in case you thought I was pulling those parallels out of my ass. But Superman rushes in, and in a small, subtle gag he and Jonn do so thorugh a small pain of glass put over where they enterted last time, fight off security and save them, and before prosecutor foot in the ass can harumph about it more.. Superman claims jonn’s innocent..a nd has Shiera smash the generator, showing he indeed is, getting John aquitted. John also attacks Ro, who they brought along as a witness, rightfully so, but the League get him to stop as they don’t have time for that: the Guardians are strangely leaving after that, the manhunters are clearly doing something given their asbent, so John retakes his ring, restored to who he was now knowing he truly WAS innocent and was simply set up.. and he wants to find out why. 

We soon get the why as the Guardians explain the manhunters after the League won’t let them just.. brush by after they aburbtly tried to leave. They AREN’T behind the current attack.. but did create them, feeling robots would be better policeman. They were wrong, with the manhunters lacking empathy, being far too military in their job, and generally not being up for it so they simply gave them smaller jobs as bounty hunters, court balifs that sort of thing ans assumed they were fine because they didn’t say anything. As John puts it perfectly “Not outloud. “ And this itself is the other thing that makes the episode work as an allegory, if a very unteitonal one: The Manhunters are the police as they are now, violent brutes with way too much power, no restraint in using it and no ounce of mercy or sympathy for those they protect. And the Guardians rightfully removed this system, and replaced it with the corps. And while the Corps STILL have a lot of leway and power, being free to investigate on their own provided OA dosen’t call them to do someting specific, and given a ring that can do anything within corps guidelines, which basically means “don’t kill” and “don’t be a dick with it”, the guardians still watch them, do not interfere in trials and choose very wisely. not only that ther’es only one officer per sector, each sector being galaxies wide.. but that’s because that’s only what’s NEEDED. One Lantern with the power to take on entire fleets if needed, which is a fair amount of power given the scope of the job, and come in as requested by the people themselves, honestly isn’t a bad system. Granted the corps is wonky from time to time in the comics as are the guaridans depending on the writer, but at it’s core the corps really sounds like a more responsible versoin of the police: given just the gear necessary, the men necessary, and only called in when truly needed or if they spot a crime in process. THat’s what the people protecting us should be like and that’s why this episode still works. 

Obviously though I was aware of none of this as a kid, and the real reason I loved this episode is this climax. The League arrives on Oa just in time to provide backup. Presumibly the guardians there and incoming with the league simply dont have the power to spare to call for reinforcments. Which is weird but fair enough drama wise and our heroes storm the planet , with the corpsmen from before all showing up to pitch in. But John gets there too late as the head manhunter drains the central power battery, the source of the lantern’s powers, and declares I AM THE POWER, refusing to accept he’s out of date.

 And this, folks is the moment that made me love the lanterns for life. John is outgunned, the wise old wrinkled blue men who gave him his powers drained of there, starring down a massive monster planning to subjigate the universe... and he does not blink. See lanterns are picked for their willpower, their abliity to stare down things like this, and fight anyway, their very rings controlled by this, by their own force of personhood. It’s another reason besides logistics why theires only one per sector: it’s that hard to find one. Earth is so remarkable because , even if it’s simply so we could have more stars in the books over time in real world, we produced not ONE person capable of this.. but 7.. Alan Scott whose not in the corps but whose powers stll work on will and could probably use a regular corps ring very much included. John was chosen because he simply won’t give up. He gave up before.. but it was the right thing to do and ultimately biding his timea nd accepting his trial.. gave his friends time to aquit him and prove he was framed. 

But now is not the time to back down.. now’s the time to stand.. so how does John win? By USING his will, by using the reason he was chosen coupled with ihs own personal dedication and concentration, he grabs his ring as it floats toward the guy, takes it back.. and starts reciting the lantern oath. And since the Manhunter is indeed “The power”.. it means he too can be controlled like any lantern energy. and thus with every bit of willpower he has, struggling all the while but not moving a damn inch, John recites his oath and shoves the monster that framed him, and the power he stole, back into the battery, all while saying an oath so badass it has been etched into my head since thanks to this episode. Say it with me now..

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night No Evil Shall Escape My Sight Let Those Who Worship Evil’s Might BEWARE MY POWER, GREEN LANTERN’S LIGHT!

And the credit goes to phil lamarr, who delivers the oath with all the gravitas and awesomeness it’s first delivery in this continuty it deserves. It was this that made me a lifelong fan: one man with the power of anytihng using PURE MENTAL STRENGTH AND DETERMiINATION TO SHOVE AN EVIL ENERGY BEING IN A GIANT LANTERN WHILE RECITING A BADASS AND AWE INSPIRING OATH. And if that dosen’t sell you on the Green Lantern’s being awesome I can’t help you and don’t know why your here. 

So wrapup time: The Guardians genuinely thank john, saying they choose well, and John brushes off his fellows corpspersons as they should’ve belivied him and thanks the League for having faith in him even when he didn’t. And while the former part has some.. bad implications we’ve gotten into already, I also can’t entirely blame him given they did it not because he might’ve killed someone but again, because 

Precisley. So our heroes prepare to head home, cue the credits. 

Final Thoughts:

So how does this episode hold up 20 years later? As should be obvious, damn well. It’s a good introduction for the corps, if showing them to be kinda assholes in places, and a good spotlight episdoe for John showing who he is what he stands for and again how TRULY MONUMENTALLY BADASS the man is. And lest you think the comics versoin is any LESS badass, he once got into a sniper duel in with Bedovian, a member of the Sinestro Corps and a crab person.. who was as I forgot till looking it up, THREE SECTORS, which i’ll remind you can comprise entire galaxies, away, with a ring made sniper rifle. In one shot no less. Point is even with some.. wonkier aspects, and ones that aren’t intetnional, it still works and is a shockingly relevant episode 19 years later and the fight scenes, as are standard for the series, are overwhelmingly awesome. Check this one out, and the series as a whole. With its great animation, character work and general badassery this one’s worth a few watches. And obviously given my love of this seires, and it’s 20th anniversay next year, and my love of John, check back here for more John-centric episodes throughout the year as we celebrate the guy. And I will also celebrate the green lantern NAMED guy eventually too, and jessica.. and all of them ebcause I love them all. Yes.. even Hal.  As for which John episode i’m doing next? Easy, one that intorduces me to a character I love who dosen’t get used near enough, Metamorphisis. The when I can’t say QUITE yet as my March schedule is full and most of my ongoing projects are on the backburner so I can tackle two arcs of ducktales, which coincidentally happened to be in time for the finale. That wasn’t planned AT ALL mind you, it just ended up working out really well that way.  For now though tommorow I begin my coverage of the final 4 episodes of ducktales with “Beaks in the Shell” and later this week finish up black history month with blacksad, continue my Lena retrospective with a money shark and some pr work, cover the second season of close enough, celebrate Tex Avery’s birthday and also celebrate the new Tom and Jerry movie.. with the OLD tom and jerry movie. Until then, see you next rainbow. 

[rockislandadultreads]

Likeable Characters: a variety of genres to read

Mermaids in Paradise by Lydia Millet

On the grounds of a Caribbean island resort, newlyweds Deb and Chip—our opinionated, skeptical narrator and her cheerful jock husband who's friendly to a fault—meet a marine biologist who says she's sighted mermaids in a coral reef. As the resort's "parent company" swoops in to corner the market on mythological creatures, the couple joins forces with other adventurous souls, including an ex–Navy SEAL with a love of explosives and a hipster Tokyo VJ, to save said mermaids from the "Venture of Marvels," which wants to turn their reef into a theme park. Mermaids in Paradise is Lydia Millet's funniest book yet, tempering the sharp satire of her early career with the empathy and subtlety of her more recent novels and short stories. This is an unforgettable, mesmerizing tale, darkly comic on the surface and illuminating in its depths.

The Marriage Clock by Zara Raheem

In Zara Raheem's fresh, funny, smart debut, a young, Muslim-American woman is given three months to find the right husband or else her traditional Indian parents will find one for her--a novel with a universal story that everyone can relate to about the challenges of falling in love. To Leila Abid's traditional Indian parents, finding a husband in their South Asian-Muslim American community is as easy as match, meet, marry. But for Leila, a marriage of arrangement clashes with her lifelong dreams of a Bollywood romance which has her convinced that real love happens before marriage, not the other way around. Finding the right husband was always part of her life-plan, but after 26 years of singledom, even Leila is starting to get nervous. And to make matters worse, her parents are panicking, the aunties are talking, and she's wondering, are her expectations just too high? So Leila decides it's time to stop dreaming and start dating. She makes a deal with her parents: they'll give her three months, until their 30th wedding anniversary, to find a husband on her own terms. But if she fails, they'll take over and arrange her marriage for her. With the stakes set, Leila succumbs to the impossible mission of satisfying her parents' expectations, while also fulfilling her own western ideals of love. But after a series of speed dates, blind dates, online dates and even ambush dates, the sparks just don't fly! And now, with the marriage clock ticking, and her 3-month deadline looming in the horizon, Leila must face the consequences of what might happen if she doesn't find "the one..."

By Book or By Crook by Eva Gates

Get bound up in murder in the first Lighthouse Library mystery! For ten years Lucy has enjoyed her job poring over rare tomes of literature for the Harvard Library, but she has not enjoyed the demands of her family’s social whorl or her sort-of-engagement to the staid son of her father’s law partner. But when her ten-year relationship implodes, Lucy realizes that the plot of her life is in need of a serious rewrite. Calling on her aunt Ellen, Lucy hopes that a little fun in the Outer Banks sun—and some confections from her cousin Josie’s bakery—will help clear her head. But her retreat quickly turns into an unexpected opportunity when Aunt Ellen gets her involved in the lighthouse library tucked away on Bodie Island. Lucy is thrilled to land a librarian job in her favorite place in the world. But when a priceless first edition Jane Austen novel is stolen and the chair of the library board is murdered, Lucy suddenly finds herself ensnared in a real-life mystery—and she’s not so sure there’s going to be a happy ending....

All Systems Red by Martha Wells

In a corporate-dominated spacefaring future, planetary missions must be approved and supplied by the Company. Exploratory teams are accompanied by Company-supplied security androids, for their own safety. But in a society where contracts are awarded to the lowest bidder, safety isn't a primary concern. On a distant planet, a team of scientists are conducting surface tests, shadowed by their Company-supplied 'droid—a self-aware SecUnit that has hacked its own governor module, and refers to itself (though never out loud) as "Murderbot." Scornful of humans, all it really wants is to be left alone long enough to figure out who it is. But when a neighboring mission goes dark, it's up to the scientists and their Murderbot to get to the truth.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

https://quranx.com/hadith/Bukhari/DarusSalam/Hadith-6922/

Narrated `Ikrima:

Some Zanadiqa (atheists) were brought to `Ali and he burnt them. The news of this event, reached Ibn `Abbas who said, "If I had been in his place, I would not have burnt them, as Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) forbade it, saying, 'Do not punish anybody with Allah's punishment (fire).' I would have killed them according to the statement of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), 'Whoever changed his Islamic religion, then kill him.'"

https://quranx.com/Hadith/AbuDawud/DarusSalam/Hadith-2670

Narrated Samurah ibn Jundub:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: Kill the old men who are polytheists, but spare their children.

https://quranx.com/4.89

They wish you would disbelieve as they disbelieved so you would be alike. So do not take from among them allies until they emigrate for the cause of Allah. But if they turn away, then seize them and kill them wherever you find them and take not from among them any ally or helper.

December is Ex-Muslim Awareness Month.

[quotes-for-every-occasion]

it finally happened. 

my life had never crossed paths with death before, at least not with anyone who was close to me. in fact, the most similar feelings to grief I’ve experienced had been breakups. my ex used to make jokes about how naïve I was about death compared to the average person. I had never even been to a funeral. I felt lucky.

until now.

my maternal grandpa was an interesting man. born and raised in Tehran to a muslim mother and a secretly jewish father (that’s a whole other story). he was the oldest child and was tasked with taking care of his siblings while his parents were away. he would do anything he could to get them in line, even if that meant hitting them.

he grew up to become a pharmacist- a very good one who earned the town’s respect and helped many people. he taught my mom and her brother the importance of being independent from a young age- he’d give them little tests, like making them order a cab all by themselves one time to go to school (while secretly following them to make sure they were okay). he rewarded my mom with travel as a reward for good grades so that she’d make the most of her educational opportunities. he also put my mom in French school so she could become trilingual and more cultured. 

he was the kind of person who was generous with his time, going out of his way to help others. after my parents divorced, he dropped everything to come to california for more than 6 months just to help my mom with me while she had to work. when my great aunt opened her bakery, he would come after hours to give her a hand cleaning up. 

unfortunately, he’d get angry easily - violent, even - both emotionally and physically, when he was upset. he’d end up throwing things or hurting those who got him worked up. he was far from perfect. that’s exactly what caused my grandma to leave him. he always loved her, but he could never be respectful enough or control his temper. he pushed her away and then after 40 years, it was too much for her. after their separation, she never wanted to see him again, not even last winter when she was in town and she knew it might be the last chance to do so. he even invited her for tea several times- i can imagine how hard it must have been to swallow his pride and ask her to come over. i so strongly wished they could be reunited so that he could make amends and heal their wounds, but it never happened. i don’t blame her, but the hopeless romantic in me is beyond disappointed.

he had a lot of friends, even as he grew old. we’d go visit him where he lived in Sweden about 1-2 times a year. but recently, after spending months alone during the quarantine, he died. my mom and I think it’s because he lost hope and gave up his will to live. during the last few weeks he kept telling us on the phone that he felt like his time was coming. 

shortly after his 88th birthday, my grandpa fell and was sent to the hospital with a broken hip. 4 days later, he passed away. my uncle was there with him the entire time so he finally wasn’t alone. there was a moment the day before he died that he was awake and aware of what was going on. we facetimed him and he couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. he was just so happy. that’s the last time I got to talk to him.

now that he’s gone, i’m experiencing the pain of my first loss. I learned how unreal losing someone you love feels. i’ve been going through the stages of grief, but it’s mostly denial. why would he leave us? why wouldn’t he answer the phone if I call him? where is he now? how is it possible that he’s not here with me anymore when I have all this love for him and all these memories in my heart? he helped raise me, he gave the best hugs, he had such a sense of humor, he made my mom so happy. i miss him, but he’s gone, so what can I do about it? 

the worst consequence of his death so far is the guilt. for a while, I didn’t want to be happy. I got drinks with a friend and started crying just thinking about how I could possibly sit there and have a light-hearted conversation while my grandpa was just in so much pain for the four days leading up to his death. how can I have fun while he’s not here with us? it feels wrong to just move on like that. I know that life must go on, but it still feels cruel.

I also thought about my same ex. He lost his mom and I remember how he got upset at me for not consoling him properly. I know he was right to get mad. I didn’t have the right words- I think I even tried to give him advice at one point (yikes). I wondered if I’d have better things to tell him now. The truth is, I’m not sure any words could make a grieving person feel better. Only a loving embrace. As cheesy as that sounds, I’m pretty sure that one long, warm, intimate hug can feel more meaningful than a million nice words. Not just for grieving people, but anyone who’s sad. Sometimes, when you can’t do anything to solve another person’s problems, all you can do is make them feel listened to and cared about (hence the hugs). 

[muslims-and-exmuslims]

Ex-Muslim Letters: 26 year old woman from Saudi Arabia

Image courtesy: Anna Remarchuk

Anonymous asked:  

Hello, this is a 26 year old woman from Saudi Arabia. I renounced religion in 2015 and I have been living in fear since then. I spoke out and shared some of what I think with my family. I lived in isolation since then in the fear I might get in trouble again. I travelled abroad for my studies for two years and came back when I couldn't get a financial support. Now I am back to the same kind of "life" and isolation. I can't even secure a job. I need your advice.

Reply (from @rayhana): 

Greetings from the UK. Thank you for your message. I am very sorry to hear that you are going through such a hardship in an unsafe environment as you described. I hope you find strength in these difficult times. You are not alone. We are with you.

Let’s break down your situation into two core problems, for simplicity: 

Problem 1: You have renounced your faith in 2015. You are effectively an Ex-Musilm in a country where leaving Islam is punishable by death. You have shared some of your views with your family which means this may have or will cause you trouble - potentially, putting your life in danger. 

Problem 2: You are unable to secure a job that can guarantee you with enough money to afford your own safe accommodation in a community you can trust. Without a job, you probably don’t have a steady flow of income for future savings which can help you leave a country where you are at risk of being killed. 

Problem 1, the fact that you are an Ex-Muslim and have expressed some of your views about leaving the faith with your family, puts your life in danger anyway whether or not you have a job. And if you are under male guardianship prevented from leaving the house and getting help, it doesn’t matter whether or not you get a job. 

So let’s tackle Problem 1 in this reply. 

Action Plan to tackle #1: Getting you to safety

How long might it take? You know it better. Perhaps a minimum 6 months from contacting organisations who can help you to finally moving to a safe country, let's say Denmark? So if you start on your plan today (24th December 2020), then, when you re-read this reply again in July 2020, you might be in Denmark, rebuilding a new life. Let’s see how we can get you there. 

Step 1: What do you need? Ideally, research a route to seek asylum in a country under the Geneva Convention that protects your human rights, particularly, freedom from religion. (Get it done by: 3 weeks max, mid-Jan)

I can’t recommend which country you should get a direct flight to (Yes, direct flight. NO TRANSIT IN NON-EU COUNTRIES BECAUSE SAUDI GOVT/PARENTS USE LOCAL GOVERNMENT TO KIDNAP THEIR DAUGHTERS). But I can, based on reports, say which countries to avoid. By all means, avoid Turkey, Philippines, India, any country in the Middle East, Bangladesh, Pakistan. Actually, following is a map of the countries you should avoid. Avoid all the countries whose maps are black or dark pink. This map is a good proxy because whether you are an Ex-Muslim, a liberal Muslim or an LGBT+ person, the risks you face is the same. 

Be aware of human trafficking gangs when you leave the country: You should also avoid these countries because, since you are a young woman, you are a target of international sex trafficking gangs who look for women like you and promise you with a “job” and “new life” and end up taking your passport and selling you to prostitution. 

Be aware of kidnapping gangs when you leave the country: You should also be selective about who you tell and stay in touch with when you leave Saudi Arabia and travel to your destination country. This is because, Saudi Arabia and much of the Middle East is heavily guarded by Islamist spies and moneymaker who will help your ‘kidnappers’ to find you by leaking your address, contact number, social media profiles in exchange of good sum of money. Once your Saudi guardians know where you are escaping to, they may contact your airline flight or the destination government to arrest you. This is why you need to avoid these following countries with black map:

Step 2: Is asylum the right decision for you? If Yes, START PREPARING. (Get it done by: 4-8 weeks, 29 Feb 2020)

Head over to the website of UNHCR's Refugee Agency: https://help.unhcr.org/#_ga=2.36710247.670686335.1577196824-2037898764.1577196824

Allocate 1-2 days max to familiarise with the UNHCR's guides on seeking asylum. Make a list of the agencies who can help.

Allocate 2-4 days to familiarise with these organisations who help Muslim and Ex-Muslim dissents.

Humanists UK

Pen English

Pen International  

Centre for Inquiry

Human Rights Watch

Red Cross

Once you are confident about their remit, send an email to them asking if they have any advice or a social worker who can help you.

Step 3: Get a trusted journalist to bring light to your story. (Get it done by: 4-6 weeks max, mid-Feb)

We suggest you contact the CPJ or the ICIJ and ask to speak to a journalist. 

A journalist is a safer contact than people without professional capacity  who may introduce themselves to you as a “secular Muslim” or an “Ex-Muslim”. This is because journalists act within their professional capacity (there is an audit trail) so they will not cheat you or leak your information to your kidnappers.

And in the event that you are kidnapped, or killed, your journalist can spread the word across to help and rescue you.

Step 4: Gather evidence - ALL OF IT. (Get it done by: past evidence, 2 weeks max, mid-Jan, new evidence: as it happens)

If you have received new threatening messages, it means your life may be in immediate danger. In that case, since the Saudi police might be counterproductive because you are an Ex-Muslim, try contacting this and this and ask for help. We can’t guarantee they will save you but they are probably your best bet.

Go back to your old Facebook, email account, WhatsApp messages etc. dating back to 2014 or 2015. If you have received death threats or threats of violence or abusive messages from your family or anyone within Saudi Arabia for leaving Islam, save their screenshot. And save their backup copies in a cloud server, such as Google Drive. 

Step 5: Get a lawyer (get it done by: 8-12 weeks, by early April 2020)

You need a trusted lawyer to support your asylum application once you decide where to rebuild your new life. We cannot recommend any lawyer without a safety check. Perhaps start with Lawyers Without Borders? Also, perhaps CPJ and ICIJ can help you find a good lawyer. 

Step 6: Write your statement (Get it done by: 4 weeks, by April 2020 - update as you gather new evidence on events etc.)

It is worth starting from now, to draft your full situation in a document, to build a full picture of what is going on with your life, why your life is in danger and explain the evidence to support it. 

Make sure you have a chronological detailed list of events, and match it with evidence. 

Sadly, this is an anti-refugee, populist and polarised era. Without evidence, you will not get any help from the West because many westerners are afraid of Islamists and don’t want to help Ex-Muslims because they think it is “Islamophobic” to leave Islam. So make sure you hold on to your evidence. 

Step 7: Do you have the money to buy plane tickets? Buy food? Rent a safe house in a completely new country? GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER. (Get it done by: start NOW, track progress mid April 2020)

Hold onto your savings in your bank, as well your assets. Make sure no one except you have access to them. 

If you don’t have the funds to afford asylum or travel to a safe country, consider crowdfunding. 

Make sure you have some cash with you as an emergency fund in case you lose access to your online bank. 

Step 8: Have the fund, journalist, and legal support you need? Get ready for asylum. (Start by May/June - start early because bureaucracy will slow you down).

This is the main and most difficult bit. 

Discuss with your legal representative, UNHRC, journalist on what is the best option for you to leave the country. Can you obtain a visitor visa to an EU country? 

Set the date of your travel. Don’t tell anyone you are seeking asylum except for an accredited journalist, trusted lawyer as mentioned earlier. If you are escaping to Denmark, tell your friends and family you are going to Australia. 

Pack up the essentials: 

Your passport

Your medical and academic certificates

Your valuable assets: gold (protect them from thieves - you can later convert them to cash if you run out of money)

Get a new phone and a new laptop. Leave your old IT equipment in Saudi Arabia so that you cannot be traced by Saudi police. A fresh start means a fresh start.

     5. Plan your travel. And be viligant when you do so.

Get a direct flight. For example, direct flight from Riyadh to Copenhagen. No transit, No changes. 

Before you arrive at your destination airport, either ask a representative from your lawyer, or your journalist to arrange to collect you from the airport. Before your plane lands, you should know the name and face of who you are meeting first, the taxi (number) where you will be traveling to, the address where you are going and potentially that country’s police and emergency number, e.g, 911, 999 or 111. Also, make a note of that country’s counter extremism hotline. In the worst case, call them. 

Once you have landed in your new country, make sure you are meeting the people you verified earlier through your legal, journalist reps. Waste no time before going straight through the asylum process and meanwhile make sure you have a safe accommodation. 

If you want to change how your life is today, it will not be an easy task. But you are not alone. Help is out there. You are looking at 6 to 12 months of struggle, if you want to change your life starting from today. Next year on this day you might be living a new life, breathing fresh air in Denmark, or Switzerland or Canada; or still stuck in Saudi Arabia in a life that feels like a prison cell. Or 30 years from now on this day when you are 56, you are still living the same life in Saudi Arabia, regretting that today as you read this, you did not gather some extra courage to change your life. I hope you find that extra courage. I know, from your letter, that you are already full of courage. When is the right time to turn that courage into action? You decide that. The world is ready when you are ready.

And if you do choose to put your courage to action starting from today, I hope I hear from you again - perhaps in January  when you have progressed with gathering evidence, finding some trusted journalists and lawyers to help you? 

I can’t wait to see you happier, and braver. 

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Lots of love. Merry Christmas and have an excellent start of the year.

Rayhana Committee to Protect Muslims and Ex-Muslims 

[creepingsharia]

Saudi judges: American woman “too Western” to raise daughter she had with Saudi ex-husband

Last month, an American mother named Bethany Vierra lost custody of her young daughter Zaina, on the grounds that she was too Western to raise the child well. Now her own parents worry that they will lose both grand-daughter and daughter, as the window to appeal closes in Saudi Arabia.

"If Zaina can't leave, she won't leave," Bethany's mother Kathi tells CNN from their home in Wenatchee, Washington."We love our granddaughter," her father Myron also said. "I think our deepest fear is that we might not ever see her again."Bethany, a 32-year-old student and yoga teacher, moved to Saudi Arabia to teach at a university in 2011. She recently divorced her Saudi husband, and sought custody of their four-year-old daughter. But in July, the court concluded that she would not be a good parent.

"The mother is new to Islam, is a foreigner in this country, and continues to definitively embrace the customs and traditions of her upbringing. We must avoid exposing (Zaina) to these customs and traditions, especially at this early age," wrote Judge Abdul-Ellah ibn Mohammed al-Tuwaijri last month, in his ruling denying Vierra custody of her daughter.

"These are all male judges who are trained much more in Sharia than they are in the best interests of the child," Rothna Begum, senior researcher on women's rights at Human Rights Watch, tells CNN. Saudi Arabia operates under strict Sharia Islamic law.

In statements submitted to the court, counsel for Bethany's ex-husband used her social media postings as evidence of an allegedly un-Islamic lifestyle. In translated court documents, a summary of accusations against her includes the fact that she had gone to US festival Burning Man, which is characterized as "the world's strangest festival" where attendees "appear in crazy clothes and stay awake all night dancing and surrounded by people wearing only shoes made of fur, or drinking drugs (sic) or cold drinks.

"According to the judge's notes, counsel for her ex-husband also accused her of maintaining social media channels "full of nudity, intermingling of the two sexes and a lot of things and actions contrary to our religion and customs and traditions."In court, Bethany countered that her ex-husband was actually the unfit parent, alleging that he was verbally abusive and used drugs. "There was drug use and that became an issue," her mother told CNN. Her ex-husband has denied the accusations, and did not respond to requests for comment from CNN.

The judge ultimately granted custody of Zaina to her Saudi grandmother, who lives with Zaina's father. "The fact that the father is residing with his mother is likely a temporary situation," wrote the judge. "Knowing that it is in men's nature not to stay at home and not to honor/fulfill parental role themselves."Bethany was given until this Sunday to appeal the judge's custody ruling, and for now, the child remains with her. But her parents Kathi and Myron tell CNN that there is a warrant out for her arrest after she missed a child visitation from her ex-husband-- a visitation her parents say she didn't know about.

They also say that Bethany has been banned from leaving Saudi Arabia for the next 10 years, though they were not able to provide further detail on the reason.

"She wants to have the rights to go and come. She used to have that right," says Bethany's father. He says a judge also warned his daughter not to talk to the media."She's working within the system," he says. "She respects the Saudi government."

A US State Department official told CNN that it was aware of the case, but would not comment "due to privacy considerations."

"Speaking generally, the U.S. Department of State and our embassies and consulates abroad have no greater responsibility than the protection of U.S. citizens overseas. US citizens abroad are subject to local laws," the official added.

Bethany is now racing to collect all the necessary documents to appeal the custody ruling before the window closes this Sunday.

"Bethany won't give up. Because that's her daughter," Myron Vierra told CNN earler this week."

And it makes perfect sense that she won't give up. We also realize that she may lose her life doing this, or we may never see her again."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Mothers, lest we repeat: Don’t let your daughters grow up to marry Muslims! Especially in sharia countries. It’s really that simple.

More via IOL:

Last week, an American woman in Saudi Arabia lost a custody battle for her daughter, even though she was able to prove her now ex-husband’s drug and verbal abuse. Bethany Vierra, according to the Saudi court, had no witnesses to back her up.

Her husband convinced the judge that she was an unfit mother because she wore fitness wear, which is forbidden in his country. And because Vierra operates her yoga studio (in Riyadh), she wouldn’t have time to devote to their child.

“It’s videos versus male witnesses,” Vierra told the Times. “They wouldn’t, in some cases, even look at the evidence that I had. It was just disregarded because he ‘swore to God’. It’s all been infuriating.”

Last year, Vierra’s case first gained attention when it was reported her ex-husband had used Saudi Arabia’s guardianship laws to trap her in the country. He allowed her residency permit to expire, which froze her out of her bank account and left her unable to leave.

--------------------------------------------------------------

This headline sums it up: Washington woman trapped in Saudi Arabia by oppressive Sharia law

[understandingthevoices]

~ wrote a thing about identifying narcissistic abuse in the brown girl group i’m a part of since so many brown boys are narcs lmao and it was so well-received that I thought i would share here too ~ 

Recently a few people asked me how I became aware of my ex's personality disorder and how I started my healing process w/o a therapist (though if I had seen someone, perhaps this would have been faster)...

It's a LONG one but hopefully informative!!

So we had been on and off for years since college - with me realizing flaws he had and him making it up to me until the next one hit and so on and so forth (and I thought, yay! change! this can work***) - but then it came to a point where I told him enough was enough and we deserved to find people who made us happy and maybe we could revisit "us" in the future. But he cried and told me he couldn't lose me and wanted to actually try the "love" thing out... So, I allowed myself to believe he was for real -- and (somewhat) let down my emotional guards that I had held for self-preservation. Things seemed to be going okay - we would send each other hearts, talk about our future house, kids, etc and everything was fine and dandy, and I thought I was "happy" or "happy enough" - after all, I had the guy right? What more could I want?

But then, let me take you to a Friday afternoon at Trader Joes's, where I was grabbing my groceries and suddenly noticed something: along with her groceries, every woman was walking out with flowers, which I imagined was because of a scheduled date night. it seems so silly now, but at that moment, I broke down into tears because I realized I wanted that too - and if I continued in my old patterns only because it (he) was familiar and all I had known, I would never get that.

He would tell me about our beautiful future life together but wouldn't even take a 4 hour train to visit me.

Basically, He could talk a big talk, he could weave stories about anything to make me believe in us (and he was a MASTER storyteller and had a vivid imagination), but he couldn't walk the walk. Or rather, he didn't care to walk the walk. And if I brought these things up, he would belittle me or say he was busy, essentially reframing my needs as unimportant and not worthy of consideration. But then he would cover it up by saying our kids would be beautiful and smart, he would leave NYC to be in Boston for me, etc - and it was so easy to get sucked in, so tempting to believe this was only temporary.....

But then I would have insomniac nights, where I was filled with anxiety/sadness because I knew I wasn't happy - and the breakdown in Trader Joe's confirmed that

And he had already conditioned me into understanding that if I talked to him about these feelings, he would invalidate, ignore, and eventually bring them up later as ammunition (a favorite of his was “did you forget, we’re not a couple”, which was so hurtful and confusing af lmao)

Up until that point, I had maintained he was just "emotionally unavailable" or "commitmentphobic" and if he saw I wasn't going to nag him or push him into marriage, etc - he would realize it wasn't so scary and we could finally build a life together! It felt like we were moving in that direction, finally. But then every so often, I would have moments where the reality became a little too clear and there was little I could do to stop myself from breaking down.

And it was at my wit's end during these nights that I googled things like "why is he so emotionally distant" and stumbled upon a trove of gold Quora questions/answers - and once I discovered Quora, I went HAM.

Questions like...

"why does he try to make me jealous"

"why does he get mad when he sees me with other guys"

"why won't he commit"

"why won't he let me meet his friends"

"why does he not let me go" / "why does he keep holding on to me"

"why does he say he cares but not visit"

... And throughout all of this searching, one of the answers inevitably mentioned emotional abuse (and often narcissistic abuse) - and while I didn't initially think my situation was abusive, because it seemed like such a strong term, I was so desperate for answers and it came up so often that I said fcuk it, let's see what this is about.

So I googled "emotional abuse" and "narcissistic abuse" and read the stories of survivors, many of which echoed mine. I was shocked that these people had dated what seemed to be clones of my own ex. Many of them mentioned kids/divorce/etc and how they wish they had realized the signs sooner instead of wasting so many years with an emotional vampire, who would initially seem like your soulmate, ingratiate himself to you, praise you and put you on a pedestal, only to suck the life out of you through devaluing mechanisms and never listening to your needs, and discard you later (or stay until you stop giving them chances) - and then play the same game with the next victim, leaving a trail of broken people. They posted about the fake personalities, the emotional highs and lows, how he would leave and come back months/years later as if nothing had changed, etc - and things finally started making sense.

I had noticed many of these things - but without the awareness of narcissism - didn't know what to make of it. For example, when we were on our off-periods and he was out chasing Muslim girls, he (someone I had known as a frat fcukboy who would crush 20 beers in a night) became the sober, praying virtue-driven man. When he was out chasing someone else, he pretended to love Rupi Kaur poetry - even though we made fun of it together (no offense). I often felt like he seemed so ~different~ during these periods - and would call him out on it, but he would always deny it. But, looking back, I realize it wasn't just in my head as he wanted me to believe.

Luckily for me, he had grown to like one of these girls and we decided to take a break (later, I would realize he was trying to 'triangulate' me with her, but even back then I wouldn't succumb to his dumb games) -- which gave me much needed time to continue my Quora obsessiveness... and I went down the rabbit hole. Quora led me to narcissistic abuse recovery youtube channels and instagram accounts - which further opened my eyes to the lies I had been fed. It was heartbreaking but I began to realize his version of "love" (if you can even call his self-serving love that) was so different from mine - for him, it was latching onto someone who would validate him, give him the emotional supply he needed, and be there at his beck and call -- which I was happy to do if it was reciprocal, but of course it wasn't lol. It was completely one-sided and I let it happen because for me, the love I felt was genuine - not fabricated - and I thought that's what you do when you're in love (and it's what I saw growing up in my parent's relationship). I didn't want to believe it but the answer was clear as day - I had been conned into a fake relationship by someone who didn't have the capacity to love someone, and could only use them.

At this point, I realized ~5 years of on-and-off narcissistic abuse (and more than 2 decades of observing my parents' toxic marriage) would take a long time for me to heal from, but if I wanted to have any chance at a truly happy, healthy relationship (which I so earnestly did), I had to let him go. So I dived headfirst - watched at least 1-2 hours worth of videos every day, cried about the disrespect I had put up with, wrote pages and pages of text, etc - and became entrenched in this mode of self-improvement and inner child-finding. And I put them on my tumblr, so he would see them (I knew he was still checking up on me).

So when he inevitably came back because the girl he was chasing "was not who I thought she was" and wanted to be with me because I was so "perfect, knew him better than he knew himself, and so smart", I had the emotional wherewithal to tell him I didn't want this anymore -- and the little bits of changes he would make to attempt to gratify me - I could see through them and they were no longer enough. I think it was a last ditch attempt on his side - my tumblr posts made it obvious I was leveling up and wanted nothing more to do with him.

He was upset and told me he was talking to this girl on a dating app - but she was boring and a downgrade from me - and I just said, "cool". He then told me if I didn't want to try again, he would have no choice but to date her and see where it goes. And at that point, I just wanted him to leave me alone, as I knew anything with him would be a dead end. And I was TIRED. So to his surprise, I said go for it - and blocked him from everything and everywhere. I felt an immediate sense of relief, as I knew the nightmare was finally over and he was someone else's problem now. Of course, just like anyone else, I have my ups and downs too - but I'm definitely much better off.

Now? I haven't heard from him in over 2 years. I don't think I will - I told our mutual friends all about his deceit, post about it on my twitter, and make sure everyone knows how phony he is - and I think he realizes the ruse is over. I have found him out, and he knows he should stay away unless he wants me to expose him even more. I can hit him where it hurts and he is terrified - exactly where I like boys to be ;)

Anyways, last I heard, he's engaged to that girl he said was a downgrade (which isn't that surprising - since I gave him a narcissistic injury by leaving he knew he had to lock down the next one or she would leave too) - which is quite sad. I pray she sees the light before he takes too much away from her.

Hope it clears up things -- as always, feel free to PM me. More than happy to help anyone, especially if it means saving one of you from a toxic monster <3

***This is one of the subtle points that makes narcissists so difficult to identify: usually, when someone changes for you, it's because they like you and don't want to hurt you - compromise! that's what you do when you're in love, right? However, for a narcissist, it's not "love" - it's him realizing that if he wants to keep you trapped in his web of deceit, he needs to change - and this is true for both the beginning of the relationships and the whole duration. They don't have any integrity so they will change into whoever you want them to be, if it means you'll be attracted to them -- they are so good at reading you, figuring you out, and identifying your deepest desires/wants that they can transform into your idea of a perfect partner -- and they DO, but it's only a set up to manipulate you later. It's addicting to meet who you easily consider your "soulmate"... but in the end, you realize it was too good to be true.

[news4dzhozhar]

**Not sure why I'm even posting this nonsense. Not exactly journalism when your source is a movie...and they're still claiming she remarried and had another baby (because someone got a pic of her carrying Ailinas baby...who is now like 4 years old) Rehash & BS**

What did she know, when did she know it, and how could she not know? Six years after the Boston Marathon bombings, questions remain surrounding the role of Katherine Russell as a potential accomplice to the deadly crimes committed by Islamic extremists Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

Katherine Russell (who sometimes went by her married name, Karima Tsarnaev) has never been charged in connection with the 2013 Boston Marathon Bombing terrorist attacks, which killed three, resulted in 17 amputees, and wounded another 240 innocent people.

While the two perpetrators of the attacks have been brought to justice (with Tamerlan’s death and Dzhokhar currently locked up in a supermax prison), Russell has somehow escaped justice for potentially being an accomplice to a vicious Islamic terror attack on U.S. soil.

She who was born to a “tight-knit” Catholic family in Rhode Island, had excelled in school and enrolled in Suffolk University. Affectionately known to her friends simply as Katie, Russell was described as a popular, friendly person who had everything going for her.

Her life took a radical turn for the worst in 2009 after meeting Tamerlan Tsarnaev, a devout Muslim who would watch radical Islamic videos and generally hated what the United States stands for, according to a neighbor.

Russell converted to Islam in 2010 at the Masjid al Qur’aan in Boston. Later that year, she dropped out of college. She was rarely seen outside of the apartment (other than making her trips to and from work as a home health care assistant) she shared with her husband and young child, according to neighbors. This means that she was almost certainly present as her husband used their apartment (which was smaller than 800 square feet) to make pressure cooker bombs and watch radical jihadi videos.

Her defense team has framed her relationship with Tamerlan as an abusive one. They claim she worked tirelessly, and spent the rest of her time caring for their child and isolated from even the people inside her small home. They say she had no advanced knowledge of his plans.

However, there is more than just circumstantial evidence tying Russell to the terrorist act.

Months before the bombing, she conducted online searches on her Macbook computer for “wife of mujahedeen” and “If your husband becomes a Shahid, what are the rewards for you?” prosecutors said during the 2015 trial. Mujahedeen means people engaged in jihad, or Islamic holy war. A Shahid is a martyr for the religion of Islam.

Following the attacks, she seemed to justify the ruthless methods of her husband and brother-in-law, texting a friend: “Although a lot more people are killed every day in Syria and other places. Innocent people.”

She also retained radical Islamic propaganda videos on her personal computer, such as al Qaeda’s infamous “Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom” video that has provided bomb-making guidance for countless jihadis.

After the bombing, police sought out the help of the local Boston community to help find the suspects they had identified through grainy photos. When pictures of Tamerlan’s face had started to appear on television, Russell called him to inform him, according to police sources, who told The Weekly Standard at the time.

Russell was profiled as someone who was well aware of the planning stages of the attacks in the movie “Patriots Day,” the 2016 film about the Boston Marathon bombings. Her lawyers insist that it unfairly portrays their client, while the filmmakers stand by their research related to her role in the attack.

Since the terror attacks, Russell has jumped around from state to state. She first attempted to move back into her family home in Rhode Island. Although there were signs of initial reconciliation, the efforts to bring her back into the fold failed after she clashed with her family over her Islamic faith, according to one relative.

She found a better fit in the New Jersey home of her late husband’s sisters, Bella and Ailina Tsarnaev, the latter who appears to be a radical Islamist. In 2015, she told her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend that she knew people who could set off a bomb in her home.

Russell has since remarried and had another baby, Ailina Tsarnaev said.

It remains unclear whether prosecutors will ever decide to pursue charges against Russell. She has kept an extremely low profile over the past year. In September 2016, authorities wanted to question her with regard to Tamerlan Tsarnaev’s activities. Russell released a statement through her lawyers in September 2016.

“The injuries and loss of life – to people who came to celebrate a race and a holiday – has caused profound distress and sorrow to Katie and her family. The reports of involvement by her husband and brother-in-law came as an absolute shock to them all,” the statement said.