#FUCKING CHILI ROCK

[snikt111]

brain rotting abt hal eating the chili rock

[shittymusicreviews666]

Reseña: Californication

Red Hot Chili Peppers (1999)

reseñado el 22 de junio

Categoría: Álbum

Genero: funk, punk, rock alternativo

Les imploro a los lectores fans de esta agrupación que por favor lean la reseña, analicen, o por lo menos consideren mis puntos de vista y no se tomen esto tan a pecho.

Cuando tenía como 10 años, mi papá me llevó a Mixup para que escogiera un disco. No sé por qué la portada de The Getaway, el lanzamiento más reciente de Red Hot Chili Peppers, llamó más mi atención que otros clásicos, como la rosa rodeada por cuatro lenguas de Blood Sugar Sex Magik o la alberca llena de lava de Californication. Lo puse en el coche, y no me dejó un mal sabor de boca. Sonaba fresco, eléctrico, melódico y bastante decente para ser su segundo trabajo después de la segunda salida de John Frusciante, guitarrista que ha abandonado y entrado a la banda varias veces.

The Getaway fue la banda sonora de ese periodo específico de mi vida. Y vaya que fueron tiempos difíciles. Ahora no puedo escucharlo, me cuesta poner cualquier cosa de los Red Hot Chili Peppers, pero los motivos de mi intolerancia hacia ellos fluctuan. Si no los soporto porque me recuerdan a cuando me sentía triste y miserable a la tierna edad de una década de existencia en la tierra, es porque cada vez que pongo "Give it Away" pienso: "Esto apesta".

¿Por qué empecé a hablar de The Getaway si la reseña es de Californication? Supongo que tenía que dar un poco de contexto inicial sobre mi problema con los Chili Peppers, pero a partir de ahora me enfocaré en el problema más grande del problema. Antes de empezar a destrozar esta mierda, hay que señalar los puntos positivos.

No podemos negar que la banda ha sido bendecida con músicos maravillosos. Chad Smith, actual baterista, golpea el kit con dulzura y precisión. Flea, bajista fundador, es uno de los más grandes intérpretes de este instrumento de toda la historia. Personalmente, los riffs de Dave Navarro en One Hot Minute (1995), odiado por muchos puristas, sí me agradaron bastante, supongo que es porque soy fanática de Jane's Addiction, agrupación que objetivamente es mejor que Red Hot Chili Peppers. Hillel Slovak, que en paz descanse, fue el pilar melódico antes de fallecer por una sobredosis de heroína. Jack Irons, Josh Klinghoffer, ¿Qué más podemos decir? Por último, pero no menos importante, John Frusciante. Motor creativo de la banda. El Jimi Hendrix moderno e italiano. Favorito de todos. Calidad antes que cantidad. La razón por la que Blood Sugar Sex Magik, By The Way, Stadium Arcadium, Mother's Milk y más son reconocibles e icónicos. Frush embelleció Californication con el feedback sublime de su guitarra en 'Emit Remmus', la distorsión ruidosa y crujiente de 'Around the World', la balada alegre y agridulce 'Scar Tissue', el palm mutting de 'Parallel Universe', los coros y el solo de 'Otherside', y por supuesto, con su primer regreso a la banda, que trajo paz después de la tormenta. Hasta él mismo dice que es su disco favorito de la agrupación por todo lo que significó para él personal y creativamente. Sin John Frusciante, los Red Hot no son los Chili Peppers.

A ver, creo que musicalmente hablando es una agrupación elegante y técnica. Tienes que tener mucha fuerza de voluntad para combinar el rap, el funk, el surf rock y el punk y obtener un buen resultado. Como bajista, los aprecio harto. Lo que últimamente creo que apesta más y arruina todo lo anteriormente mencionado es su cantante, Anthony Kiedis. Me siento terrible por los demás, porque, ¿Te imaginas tener que escuchar a alguien que desde 1983 grita incoherencias al micrófono tales como "Kissing/Chicka chicka dee/Do me like a banshee/Low Brow is how/Swimming in the sound/Of bow wow wow/Aw baby do me now/Do me here I do allow" o "Go-rila cunt-illa/Sammy D and Salmonella"? Y así que tú digas, la mejooor voz de los años 90s, no es. Admítanlo, fans, su mayor impedimento al intentar disfrutar a los Red Hot mientras van manejando en una carretera al lado de la playa es este maldito calenturiento que no puede dejar de hacer referencias sexuales malas en sus letras, o en el peor y lamentablemente más común de los casos, a California.

¿Sabían que ninguno de los integrantes actuales de Red Hot Chili Peppers nació en California? Digo, se criaron ahí, y es el lugar de nacimiento de la agrupación. Y tienes permitido escribir un par de canciones sobre tu estado natal, no 63. Todo el jodido tiempo es California, Los Ángeles, City of the motherfucking angels, Dani California, Take me to the place I looooooove blah blah blah. ¿Qué mierda es Californication?, ¿Anthony Kiedis se lo sacó del pito, o yo soy una tonta chica adolescente que ignora el significado tan profundo de esta palabra? Explíquenme, por favor.

Mientras escribía esta reseña, obviamente puse el disco, para inspirarme un poquito. El clima de ahorita es reminiscente al de la portada. Hace un calor del demonio, y el sol es tan pero tan fuerte que me derrite los zapatos. Eso sí, prefiero meterme a esa alberca de lava antes que tener que escuchar atrocidades como 'Purple Stain' o 'Fat Dance'.

¿Es mi reseña igual de significativa que el video del single homónimo del álbum que tu papá te mostró en MTV cuando tenías 11 años, en el que los Chilis salen sin camisa (no había necesidad, pero bueno, son hombres y eso es lo que hacen), y quedaste tan impresionado que dijiste: "Carajo, quiero ser como ellos y surfear con tiburones y tocar el bajo como Flea"? No, por supuesto que no. Es meramente subjetiva. Mi corazón está lleno de odio. No puedo hacer nada al respecto. Los Red Hot Chili Peppers van a cumplir 70 años y van a seguir haciendo sold out en todos los estadios de Californiqueishon y van a seguir quitándose la jodida ropa al inicio del jodido concierto. Es una de las últimas grandes bandas de rock, aunque me esté costando tanto admitirlo que estoy sacando lágrimas por los ojos. Fue difícil contaminar este texto múltiples veces con su nombre, bastante patético, por cierto. Faith No More es mejor, de todas formas.

-Helen🦦

[tytopls]

Plssss don't call me lady ur actively taking years off my life

[another-lost-mc]

Feel the Heat Headcanons | THE DEMON BROTHERS 2.7k words | NSFW | afab!Reader | Shameless Smut Content warnings: Poly!Reader, demon heats (vaguely mentioned), rough sex, marking, demon forms mentioned (Lucifer, Levi, Satan), facesitting, possessiveness/jealousy, consensual somnophilia. A/N: Read the other Feel the Heat fics: Royals Edition | Newspaper Club Edition.

It’s tempting to make a joke about how the demon brothers’ cycles in the House of Lamentation are in sync, because it’s true. They’re like dominoes - once the first piece falls, the others fall shortly after.

Even though they don’t like to talk about it, you’ve learned enough about demon heat cycles to spot the symptoms. In the days leading up to their heats, some of them (Asmo and Beel) are more aggressive and pick petty fights; some of them (Levi and Belphie) are even more withdrawn than usual while they start to nest; and the others (Lucifer, Mammon, and Satan) pretend it’s not happening and try to carry on normally, like they have something to prove.

You’re finishing some simple meal prep in anticipation of long, tiring days ahead. They’re going to be too distracted to cook, and you’re going to be too exhausted to do it for them. There’s cold sandwiches and bowls of Hellfire chili ready until the worst of it passes. You don’t mind doing this for them now; you know they’ll take care of you later.

You head back to your room and notice when the mood inside the house shifts. Even you can sense that something has suddenly changed. It’s like there’s a storm brewing around you; the temperature rises, and the air crackles with anticipation. The brothers are scattered throughout the house but it’s unusually quiet. 

The pieces have fallen and you know they’re all waiting for you. The only thing left to decide is, who do you visit first?

LUCIFER

Lucifer hangs onto the barest threads of control and propriety even in his heats, and only when you’re naked and willing beneath him does he finally let his instincts take over.

He’s not usually rough with you - not at first, and not unless you beg for him to fuck you harder, or faster. He overwhelms you with his presence until all you know and see and feel is him. He cages you between his arms and grinds his cock into you while his wings twitch at his back. His body is heavy but comforting, and you know he is both protecting and possessing you in your vulnerable state.

He brushes his lips against your skin and muffles his groans into your neck. When your walls flutter around his cock and squeeze him like a vice, he sucks on your pulse point. The friction of his hips rocking against you teases your clit until pleasure sweeps through you like a wave coming onto shore: it’s pleasant and beautiful, but it’s not enough - for either of you.

If you stare into his crimson eyes and beg him for more, he's completely powerless to resist you. His cock slips from your body, and he's distracted by the sight of his cum trailing out of your hole and into your folds. You feel so empty without his cock inside you, and your keening whine in his ears makes him shudder. He’ll give you the world if you can be patient a little longer; his raspy voice promises that you won’t be empty for long. He smooths his hands down your sides and squeezes your hips while he maneuvers you how he wants you.

When he slams his cock back inside you, your thighs are folded against your chest and he can plunge even deeper than before. He has better leverage in this position and his thrusts are more powerful. You cry out when he pulls out until the tip teases your entrance, then he thrusts back inside in rough, fast strokes. He wants to feel you come on his cock, and he reaches between your bodies to rub at your puffy clit. He spills deep inside you as you scream his name, and the lustful haze that clouds his mind fades, replaced by primal satisfaction - for now, until the cycle begins again.

MAMMON

Mammon is your first for a reason and even in his heat, he wants to treat you right. He’s already naked when you enter his room and his skin glistens with sweat. He was pumping his cock lazily while he waited, a last-ditch effort to dull the aching need burning within his chest. It’s like slow torture when he watches you undress, and even though you’re not trying to put on a show for him, it's still the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. He bites his lip to stay quiet, but you can still hear the groans and bitten-off curses that escape him.

When you’re finally naked and walking towards him, his gaze lingers at the mound between your legs. He watches the soft, fleshy skin of your thighs jiggle and he can't help but lick his lips hungrily. He pats his chest and he lays down while you crawl on your knees towards him. He reaches for your thighs so he can pull you up, until you’re finally hovering over his face. You catch a glimpse of his hungry eyes below you and heat pools in your belly. He surges forward at the same moment he pulls you down to meet his mouth. You feel the vibrations of his moan ripple through you, and you gasp.

He pants between open-mouthed kisses against your skin, and he licks thick stripes from your clit to your hole, up and down, over and over again. You hold onto the headboard for leverage so you can rock your hips against his face. His arms are wrapped around your thighs to help guide your movements. He groans your name and mumbles how sweet you taste and how good you smell and how wet you are.

He’s desperate to drink your ecstasy down his throat before he fucks you so he moves his mouth even faster against you. He slips one hand between your legs so he can spread your folds apart. He teases your entrance with his thick fingers, and his lips press hot kisses against your clit. He doesn’t stop until his face is slick with your cum, and you scream his name as you ride out your orgasm on his tongue.

His cock is throbbing between his legs with his own desire to fuck you senseless, but he waits until you’re ready. When your thighs stop shaking, he helps you shuffle back down his body. You think he wants you to ride him, but suddenly he rolls you both over so he’s on top of you. He bares his fangs in triumph when he finally sinks inside you.

LEVIATHAN

When you enter Levi’s room, he’s naked and writhing in the nest he made for you in his tub. His tail thumps against the porcelain while he ruts against one of his body pillows. His aching cock leaks pitifully against the fabric, and he doesn’t even register that you’re nearby until you brush back the sweat-slicked hair from his eyes. He whimpers your name and whines when you pull away to take off your clothes.

He tosses the pillow aside when you climb into the tub and straddle his hips. His tail coils around your leg to ground himself. His vision is still a bit blurry from sweat and tears of frustration, and he humps blindly against you. The head of his cock slips through your folds and he moans at the sensation, but it’s not enough. You shush him and guide him inside properly - he tilts his head back with a stuttered sigh when he finally sinks into the wet heat of your body.

His rhythm is uneven and desperate, and you lean forward and hold onto the edge of the tub for leverage as you meet his erratic thrusts. He pants loudly and stares at your chest - your breasts are bouncing with each roll of your hips and it’s so hot. He can’t decide whether he wants to hold onto your hips or squeeze your ass, so he alternates doing both. When you’re both close, you beg for him to touch you so you can come together. You guide his hand to your clit, and he barely manages to hold off his own orgasm while he strokes you through yours first.

SATAN

He probably doesn’t realize it, but Satan has two very distinct preferences when it comes to fucking you during his heat. 

If he’s one of the first brothers to take you, he doesn’t seem much different at first. He walks you to his bed, but he doesn’t push you down; he tries to savor the experience and treat you delicately so he doesn’t hurt you. You undress each other slowly, and his hands are gentle when he strokes your skin. When you’re both naked, he pulls you against him and kisses you. He’s trembling under your hands and his hard, twitching cock is trapped between your bodies; his body betrays the tender confidence he tries to show you. When he finally lays you down and settles between your legs, he rocks inside you and laces your fingers together above your head. When he comes, he whimpers loving praise into the crook of your neck where your scent is strongest.

If you go to Satan after you’ve been with Lucifer already, well - he’s a bit rougher, like he’s trying to make you forget the memories of Lucifer’s body with his own. His demon form emerges as soon as he smells Lucifer’s scent on you. His kisses are sloppier, and he pants against your lips as his hands tear through your clothes until he finds bare skin. He strokes his cock while he waits for you to get into position - you kneel on the bed and lean down until your shoulders and chest touch the mattress. Sometimes he holds one of your arms behind your back so you can do nothing but squirm on his cock while he fucks you; other times, he fists his hand in your hair and growls approvingly when the jolts of pleasure and pain make you whimper into the pillow. When he comes, he pulls out partway through so he can paint your skin with his release; he watches his cum trickle down your ass and thighs with primal satisfaction.

ASMODEUS

Asmo's room is dark when you open the door and slip inside. You start to undress right away because you know he's probably naked already and eager to begin. You hear a familiar purr deep within his chest, and you see the flash of his bright, clementine eyes across the room, and then he’s upon you.

He pushes you against the door and kisses you like he’s starved for you. He moans when he flicks his tongue against yours, and he sucks your bottom lip between his teeth. Your lips are slick and swollen from his biting kisses by the time he starts mouthing along your jaw.

His hands slide down your back and over your ass before he grips the back of your thighs and lifts you up. Your legs wrap around his hips instinctively and you both cry out when he sheathes inside of you in one smooth motion. He sucks a trail of marks into your skin as he fucks you; he groans when one of your hands slides through his hair, and the other clasps onto his shoulder. He whimpers when your nails dig into his skin. 

You’re squeezing his cock so perfectly and there’s a deliciously wet, obscene sound every time he draws his hips back and slams into you again. He slips his hand between your bodies and massages your clit precisely the way you like; he’s not going to last and he wants to feel you come on his cock. It only takes a few strokes before your head tilts back and his name spills from your lips with a breathy cry. He buries his satisfied grin against your neck and moans his own pleasure as your walls milk him for everything he has.

BEELZEBUB

Beel usually comes to your room before you can find him in his. He prefers to take you in your bed because it's saturated in your scent - he'd drown in it if he could. Your door is open and you don’t realize that he’s watching you. When you finally sense his presence, you can see how hungry his gaze is; the outline of his hard cock strains against his pants. He’s across your room in an instant and pulling you into his arms. He hastily removes your clothes in search of bare skin; his hands shake slightly and his movements are a bit stiff - he’s trying to be gentle.

He undresses himself while he watches you get comfortable on the bed. By the time he’s naked, you’re waiting on your hands and knees. You wiggle your hips playfully to tease him - and after he kneels behind you, he smacks your ass lightly before he squeezes the soft flesh in his hand in apology. He teases his cock between your folds before he finally guides it inside, and you both groan as he splits you open. He likes this position best - he wraps a hand around your shoulder and pulls you back onto him while driving his cock into you with deep, powerful thrusts.

You whimper his name and choke on your moans every time his cock brushes over that spot deep inside that makes your toes curl. Your walls clench around his cock and it spurs him into even more of a frenzy. He doesn’t lose control, but you feel completely at his mercy as he takes what he needs from you.

You reach down between your legs and tease your clit when you sense he’s getting close, and you both come together. His hips stutter while he empties himself into you, and he collapses at your side so he doesn’t crush you. He holds you close while you both catch your breath. He falls asleep murmuring your name, while a trickle of drool leaks from the corner of his mouth.

BELPHEGOR

Belphie nests in the attic and sleeps fitfully while he waits for you to come to him. He doesn’t bother wearing clothes - he’s too hot and they scratch his skin unpleasantly. The sheets are tangled around his legs, and his cock lays hard and heavy against his belly. The tip is leaking and you can see it twitch when you approach him; even in his sleep, he senses your presence and his body begs for you.

You don’t bother taking off your shirt. You peel off your pants and underwear then kneel on the bed over his hips. He moans gently when you stroke his cock, and his hands clench the sheets when you lower yourself onto him. He finally wakes up - his eyes are watery, but you can still see the lustful haze that darkens them. He whimpers when you start rolling your hips in a slow, shallow rhythm. His hands squeeze and scratch at your thighs when you start to quicken your pace and ride him with more desperation.

He whines and tugs at the hem of your shirt, and you stop long enough to lift your shirt over your head and toss it aside. You’re surprised when his hips start thrusting up into you with more force than before, and you catch yourself on your hands when you lose your balance. He hums like this is exactly what he wanted, and his greedy mouth trails along your breasts until he can suck one of your nipples into his mouth. He can’t help himself - your breasts bounce so delightfully when he fucks you. He moves between them greedily, mouthing at the skin and sucking on each of your nipples.

You wind your fingers through his hair and tilt your head back as your pleased sighs and moans grow louder. The relentless friction of his pelvis grinding against your clit sends you over the edge first. He follows shortly after, whining pathetically as he buries his face against your chest.

[gnomishcunning]

bg3 companion camp habits

ft. astarion, karlach, wyll, shadowheart, lae'zel, gale & halsin

Astarion

earliest to bed, earliest to rise. it leaves more time to sneak around at night. unfortunately for him that means lae'zel has him on hunting duty, in order to find something substantial for dinner the next day.

insures team tadpole camps within walking distance of some source of running water. if not running water, a lake; if not a lake, a pond. after tagging around with tav all day and coming home covered in blood, his daily soaks are sacred

despite actually not needing to sleep, his tent is the cushiest in camp: his bedroll is piled high with luxurious furs and silken pillows

trances with curlers in his hair. that coif doesn't maintain itself y'know, as much as astarion would like you to think it does

Karlach

her tent is open-air in order to reduce the likelihood she catches it on fire overnight

simultaneously a super-light sleeper while retaining the the ability to fall asleep within five minutes in any given environment, on any given surface. ten years in avernus have honed those survival instincts into a sharp edge, and she can be up and ready to brawl in an instant

banned from contributing to dinner on account of infernal taste buds: the amount of chili powder she'd added to the group soup that one time almost killed shadowheart and made astarion get the night sweats for the first time in 200 years

her contributions to camp including anything involving copious amounts of hot water. unfortunately, this usually has her stuck on laundry duty with halsin

Wyll

next to halsin and karlach, wyll's the most comfortable camping in the wilderness on a day-to-day basis. seven years as the blade of the frontiers meant wandering the sword coast looking for monsters, and not all of that was near civilization

crippling addiction to tea. picks up local varieties at every settlement the party passes through; it's what you see him swirling in that silver cup of his night to night.

while gale's in charge of dinner, wyll's in charge of breakfast. he's got a carafe of coffee on the fire when people start to rise, and there's always a pan of something delicious-smelling and ready to dish out by the time someone manages to wake up halsin.

he's had that ripped-up crop top he sleeps in since his teens, and it's been worth to that point of sweet age-soft. he has trouble sleeping in anything else at this point

Shadowheart

doesn't need as much sleep to function at full capacity the next day: she's perfectly fine on five or six hours. whether that's a lucky genetic twist of shadowheart's genetic heritage or a blessing of shar is anyone's guess - this usually has her as the second one awake

tends to volunteer for first watch and uses that time to pray

has a bit of a second sense for finding good campsites: places with highly defensible positions, a fresh water source, carefully tucked into the shadows of natural glades or high rocks

has one of the more elaborate hair routines in the group, second only to astarion's curl-care. she and the vampire spawn have a silent agreement to assist with setup and share haircare products when necessary.

Lae'zel

self-assigned camp commander (not camp mom - astarion tried to make a snide comment once and was glared down). her militaristic upbringing has left her the only one with enough organizational skills to insure the motley crew of team tadpole don't accidentally starve themselves to death in the wilderness

keeps an exacting inventory of what they have on hand, from food to spell-scrolls and spare socks and tadpoles in brain-jars, must to her chagrin. anything taken from the traveler's chest must be noted so she can keep track of what the team needs

created a chore chart. the chore chart is holy. it plays to everyone's strengths and evenly distributes labor. astarion once tried to fuck with it: he was left doing his own laundry for a week, much to his chagrin

as much as she'd like to brag about githyanki endurance, she requires an exacting eight hours of sleep to function. the rest of team tadpole insures she gets it, since nobody likes a grumpy githyanki

Gale

self-assigned camp cook within days of joining team tadpole. to his surprise, lae'zel completely agreed

has a few cookbooks stacked among the piles of literature around his tent, including a dog-eared recipe book from mama dekarios. his travel spice-rack was an additional gift from her as well, one he covets with all his heart.

could care less about his lion's mane and mostly resolves to slicking it back with whatever oil or grease they have on-hand first thing in the morning, but takes exacting care of his beard

has a bad tendency to stay up too late sleeping, and is subsequently the last one to rise first thing in the morning\

Halsin

doesn't even bother to set up his tent half the time, perfectly willing to spend the night in bear form. this has caused some confusion first thing in the morning when an actual bear wandered into camp one morning and wyll greeted it warmly, much to halsin's amusement

will grow goodberries to add to the morning's oatmeal or pancakes; secret weakness for coffee

tends to tackle laundry duty with karlach, mostly since the giant mountain of a druid is the best at actually toting mountains of blood-spoiled linens across camp.

assists with hunting duties, even if the meat he tends to bring backs is a little more roughed up compared to astarion's exsanguinated prey

bonus:

Tav

group oddball, usually ends up doing whatever odd chore lae'zel assigns them

unofficially in-charge of campfire entertainment, including breaking up fights between lae'zel and shadowheart over go-fish, or insuring astarion doesn't cheat during poker

the camp keeps meaning to buy them a tent. they never do. tav's been crashing around the campfire since the beginning, and they only actually get a tent once they have a significant other

not allowed to assist with dinner since the Noodle IncidentTM

[trans-queen-administrator]

Ok so I saw this post and I don't want to derail it (check it out tho cool analysis). Masks in Worm are so so interesting to me, because they're something the top echelon of villains completely forgo. Slaughterhouse Nine, Birdcage Capes, Nilbog, Echidna, Moord Nag, all of them are unmasked, their identities are complete public knowledge. Masks are a privilege afforded to the Villains who play nice and don't try to blow up the moon, or kill millions, or spawn two thousand goblins, their identities are allowed to stay hidden as an incentive to Not Blow Up The Moon Please. And when the mask comes off, it means there's so much less reason for the villain to hold back because their little Not Blowing Up The Moon prize is gone so what's the fucking point of not doing anything to that smug rock? So when Taylor does get unmasked, there's two major things that signified. She has no reason to hold back anymore, which is why she's so brutal afterwards. She puts maggots in valefors eyes, she manages to kill the Butcher by trapping Cherish in an even worse hell, she ruins the chili, she kills Alexandria and Tagg in the most brutal way possible. Her restraints are gone, she has no reason to temper herself and every reason to lash out. The second thing it signifies is why her lashing out is so terrifying. By being unmasked, she's up there with the nine, nilbog, all the impossibly strong villains we know don't get the privilege of a mask. It tells the reader that Taylor is a villain on par with them, she's that terrifying and enough of a monster that she's not allowed to play the cops and robbers game Lisa tells her about.

[boiledbirdy]

BRAD FUCKIN WAYNEEE

headcannons i have abt this sweet himbo fratboy

This man is the largest in the family, like 6’6 and built like a non-green hulk. He can easily pick up and fireman carry Bruce and Jason

Is the guy in a frat party to sit with girls and hear about them bitch about periods and now carries a little pack with him everywhere that has a few tampons, pads, hand-warmers (for on the go heating pads), and Tylenol and Advil

Where does he keep this stuff and the random assortment of weird things he has, you ask? He wears a fanny-pack

read it and weep y’all he wears fanny-packs, usually the cool way over his shoulder, but mostly around his waist since he carries a backpack almost 25/8

He drives a beater truck (just an old car whose been through like three accidents and is still going strong) specifically a 1991 dodge D250 truck with a scratched up white paint job where there are dents, scratches, and a few patches of off white paint on dents that was sorta DIY-ed

his keys 🔑 have a weird ass mesh of keychains on it like: Ally flag keychain and a flag keychain for every single label a person has come out to him with, also a keychain from every museum, tourist spot he’s ever been, also a beer and bottle opener he’s a frat boy duhhh, he has a little bracelet that is made of sparkles and purple beads that steph gave to him but it was too small so he put it on his keys, a collage logo keychain, a keychain from his local gym and one with rugby on it etc

the keychains and keys are never ending

HE PLAYS RUGBY, argue with the wall.

getting a bachelors and masters in sports medicine

he makes sure to give Duke, Damian, Cass, Steph, and Tim copies of his keys first (the rest of the fam too they just get priority)

A) because they are the kids, and he wants them to know that he has an open bed any time

B) cause he’s the sibling to not get mad if they are intoxicated in any form and will cover for them

This next one is so important to me

He takes Tim to his first midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, same with Damian

He pretty much eats at the Wayne mansion every night but sleeps at his apartment

Shows Damian some good rock’n roll ex Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sublime, Ramones, The Clash, Oingo Boingo, Ghost, Blonde, Foo-Fighters (i can make a playlist if wanted)

Just will sit and have a beer with Jason and sit in silence or talk about weird things that happened today

Steph and him have study sessions together

He will watch any ballet practice Cass wants him to see and he never misses a competition or performance

he sends Tim stupid skateboard tricks and fails videos (tiktok or insta reels) daily and then once a month they take Brad’s truck to a park and Brad sits on a ramp and cheers Tim on like its the Super Bowl

Watches Dick’s dog when he’s away from home and they both watch Barbie movies together

He gardens at Alfred’s request, yes he sucks but this man cannot not say no to the tidbits of Alfred’s life story he learns

Can kick back like 4 kegs of beer with no fucking consequences, he has a liver of steel thanks to Brucie Wayne

He’a the high guy in the bathtub at frat-parties and will give shitty or good life advice its 50/50 honestly

Does stupid white people fraternity things that would kill a normal person but he just is quirkily busting it down and Death just cannot vibe with him

makes (and i cannot stress this enough) the best and i mean best, (Alfred and Ma Kent can’t win in this one) brownies. Whether they are edibles or not they are the best.

has done the Tide-Pod challenge and survived

He is the Frat God of Gotham

Him and Duke are like the best duo

They blast Rock and Rap so that all five cars in every direction can hear it

Duke has the habit of putting weird ass bumper stickers on Brad’s desk and bed frame (at his apartment, they Do Not fuck with Alfred) Brad smiles fondly every time he finds a new one

Brad = Mark, ya know the tiktok sound

Him and Harper simp over women 🙏 together

In his fanny-pack, truck, and various rooms he has stim toys/do-hickeys bins or sections

bc he has Nerodivergent siblings and he was just trying

he asked kinda rude blunt questions, he didn’t know anything and he kinda (really) sucks at subtlety and reading a room but he was just trying to understand

He will take Damian to amusement parks and zoos pretty much bi-weekly

The girls can put on a horrible outfit and makeup and he will think he looks fabulous and no one will ever tell him that he’s sporting fashion and makeup crimes

has a small hidden bookcase of Wings of Fire, Warrior cats, Land of Stories, etc.. cause Damian is embarrassed to admit he actually likes reading them

Watches the trashiest brain rotting tv shows like Dance moms or keeping up with the Kardashians

Goes to any march or parade his siblings or friends are going to so: A) he can be that decked out ally tank of a man passing out water bottles and granola bars B) so if the police are back on their BS he can protecc atacc and throw that tear gas bacc

*Sniff 🤧* I have something I need all of you to know, I say this with a heavy heart *holding back tears 😥* Brad is a former highlighter kid— *single tear falls*

This fucking himbo stud-muffin has slept with, kissed, crushed on, and went on dates with men, but still doesn’t realize that he’s Bisexual

his favorite flavor ice cream is pistachio and carmel

KNOWS NOTHING and i mean nothing about zodiac signs

Has been caught in the middle of Gotham Rouge and does not understand what the fuck is happening

He either Teddy Bear fratboy golden retriever energies them to friendship or friendly acquaintance or annoys them to the high hells of mosquito bites on your butt

^I can expand if wanted

His phone you ask?

Screen cracked like rice crispys

apps more disorganized than the random shit drawer in someone’s house

he has a model 6S and will not upgrade or replace it to save his life.

he has an otterbox case and we all know it, no more denial

Okay thats my time yall see ya

[gooeykit]

My fellow quarriors of Planet Rock

I'm scared as fuck and drunk off 2 buzzballs down in this excavation mine. We're mining for fucking ice on the Planet Water and I'm feeling sick as fuck off of 2 buzzballs, one chocolate and one chili mango. I've never had them cold before and I mooched a little ice off our efforts to try it out cold and I'm feeling so sick but I wanted to try both flavors cold before I had to get back to work.

[zombie-ghost]

UMMMMM IM ACTUALLY PANICING RN, ROOSTER TEETHS WEBSITE IS JUST THIS

Don't take this as me being surprised. I'm pretty sure everyone could see this from a mile away, but I'm just sad, I no longer have access to camp camp and I can't rewatch it anymore :'[

Does anyone know where I can watch it??

Update: so I did some thinking/digging/research of my own and ik a few places to watch camp camp

1) internet archive

Internet archive my utter fucking beloved. It has seasons 1-4 (it doesn't have the special or season 5)

Update Mar 18th: I found the special and season 5 (couldn't copy link for some reason lol)

2) prime video

It has seasons 1-4 (yet again minus the special and season 5)

3) Tiktok

You can watch the special and season 5, (idk abt the other seasons tho) I'll try to find the person who posted it (jihan rocks 🎧 is the person)

4) Chili movie

Idk how good the quality on chili movie is since I haven't watched anything on that, and it says you have to sign up for prime video I think?? It has seasons 1-4 (plus the special), it also claims to have season 5 too, so idk I'd be suspicious

5) YouTube

You can watch the first episode of season 1, and also the Halloween special, rooster teeth switched the rest of the series to members only (greedy ass bastards)

Update:

6) RT archive

They have the entirety of camp camp

Thx @supersaiyanjedi14 for letting me know >-<

Update Mar 18th:

7) Google drive

It has all seasons, including season 5, but it doesn't have night of the living ill, camp camp Christmas or whatever, and with friends like these

Thank you, @sp00kies , for letting me know!

Imk if there's anywhere else to watch camp camp

[winged-self-indulgence]

I could fix him

It was one of those days.

Ray was getting better at predicting them; the mornings when he’d wake up truly feeling the weight of the world resting on his shoulders, threatening to flatten him beneath the smothering mantle of responsibility that had been dumped – knowingly or unknowingly – upon his shoulders. Usually those were the days he’d call in sick if he was feeling charitable, or simply not show up to the NAHA office if not and just spend the entire day with you.

Although the two of you lived separately, it had quickly become clear that the arrangement was mostly nominal in nature. When Ray wasn’t out patrolling and saving the world from monstrous threats, he was at your apartment listening to your voice. And when you weren’t at work, you were at his apartment filling the once impersonal corners with the sound of music, the scent of home-cooked meals, and little knick-knacks you thought he’d like.

Most nights you fell asleep in each other’s arms, and every morning you never let him go to work without two kisses goodbye – one for ‘be safe’, the other for ‘I love you’. Ray swore they gave him energy to get through the day, just knowing you were home waiting for him, that you still loved and accepted him – flaws, monstrous desires and all. When the abyss in his chest threatened to spiral out of control, remembering that grounded him back to reality. Made him want to stay here, stay present, stay with you.

Unfortunately, it was one of those days where the NAHA were being even more annoying than usual. Half of the heroes who were supposed to be patrolling didn’t show up, and most of the ones who did bother to turn up seemed content to kick back the moment they spotted Ray’s name on the roster. The NAHA had scheduled him for three TV interviews before lunch, and during the second one a villain had attempted to blow up the studio building. While saving civilians and crew members from the inferno, one of the presenters – a popular social media celebrity if he recalled correctly – had tried to kiss him in front of the cameras. It was only decades of ingrained self-control that prevented Ray from ripping their head clean off their neck and tossing it and their body into the sky to join the rest of the trash circling the earth’s atmosphere, though he did take a great deal of spite in dropping them from just a little too high off the ground. If something happened to their anklebones, that was hardly his fault.

All in all, by the time Binary Star Hero pushed open the door to his apartment, he was ready to drop. If he could have curled up in bed and put himself into a coma for the next few business days, he would have done so in a heartbeat.

However, he paused at the entryway, surprised by the scent pervading his condo. The sweetness of coconut milk melded silkily with the warm, earthy scent of chili and cumin, which combined with the floral aroma of rosemary, thyme, and a dozen other herbs he couldn’t quite parse. Ray followed his nose to the kitchen, expecting to find you there, but only spotting a large pot bubbling on the stove – the flames turned down low to keep the soup simmering low and slow.

That meant you still had to be in the condo, but it was strange that you hadn’t called out to him. “Star?” Heartbeat ratcheting up, Ray turned to search the rest of the rooms, and just as quickly as the flare of panic had overtaken him it vanished as soon as he spotted you.

The original couch in the condo hadn’t been comfortable, the whole space having been designed more for aesthetics than coziness. Prior to meeting you, Ray had barely spent any time in his own home. After meeting you, bringing you home, and then listening to you whine about how his couch cushions felt more like glittery rocks, he’d immediately purchased a new couch. One with thicker padding, ergonomic armrests, and a built-in sofa-bed.

Cute. You were so fucking cute.

There you were, curled up on the couch with one of his jackets pulled over your torso for warmth, leaving your legs exposed to the cool evening air. Chuckling airily to himself, Ray leaned over to brush a strand of hair from your cheek, allowing the safe warmth of your presence to settle him. Just as he was about to fetch a proper blanket for you, his eyes caught on something strange.

Ray blinked, then froze entirely when he spotted a familiar shade of fabric. It barely took any of his strength to tug the jacket collar down, enough to reveal a maroon-red neckline. His sweater. You were wearing his sweater.

And not much else else, if your bare legs were anything to go by.

“Mmph. Ray?” The man watched you stir to life, yawning and blinking back the lingering remnants of sleep. “You’re home. Ugh, what time is it?”

His gaze sharpened when you sat up and stretched, inadvertently knocking the jacket off completely. The jumper, already meant to be oversized on his 6ft-something frame, was practically drowning you. The collar splayed wide, exposing the bruised slope of your shoulder and neck – still marked up from last night. The sleeves had been rolled up, presumably so they wouldn’t get in the way while you cooked, but one had come loose during your nap and now only the tips of your fingers were visible as you lifted a hand to rub the corner of your eye.

Concerned by the extended silence, you craned your neck up to look at your boyfriend. “Ray?” You called, and then let out a strangled yelp when he immediately flopped on top of you. On instinct your arms wrapped around his shoulders. “Bad day?” You guessed.

“Mm. Just let me stay like this for a while, Star,” he murmured, inhaling the heady scent of your skin, and exhaling the words into the curve of your throat.

“Food’s gonna be ready soon,” you told him, dropping a fluttering kiss against his forehead. Ray closed his eyes, blissfully receiving the gesture as a benediction. “We can watch something stupid later and eat all the ice cream I bought. I will even allow you to have some of my cookies and cream bars.”

Ray listened to you ramble with one ear, paying half of his attention to the gentle cadence of your voice while the rest focused on the steady thump-thump-thump of your heart between your ribs. The reminder that you were still here, that he was still here, that you were his. 

Soon listening wasn’t enough. The rhythm in your chest stuttered and sped up, responding to the hands dragging over your body with absentminded possessiveness. Warm fingers, rough with scars and calluses, squeezed the inside of your thighs before sliding under the hem of your – or more specifically, his – shirt. They moved higher, groping the dip of your hips, the small of your waist, the softness of your ass. By the time those fingers reached your nipples you were a sensitive wreck, barely touched and yet your body was aflame with directionless heat.

“R-Ray…” You squirmed in place, one hand raised to your lips to stifle the keening noise escaping from the back of your throat, knees turning inward as you tried to squeeze your thighs shut. With careless ease, Ray elbowed your legs apart. He sat up, smiling idly at the cute picture you made. Flat on your back and sprawled beneath him, sweater shoved all the way up to your collar, exposing your gorgeous body to his intense gaze. The low lamplight cast shadows over you, exposing parts of your flushed skin and hiding others tantalizingly from view. “Ray, w-what about dinner…?”

“Mm. It’ll be fine,” he murmured lazily, unbuckling his jeans and never taking his dark eyes off you for a single moment. Ray’s movements were slow, lethargic, and full of methodical intent as his cock flopped out – swollen thick, heavy, and dripping with precum. “Just let me have this, Star.”

You’d always known that Ray was strong. Superstrength was one of the most basic hero abilities, one that often came as a passive perk with other powers. However you had underestimated how much he’d been holding back, because it barely took more than the flick of a finger for him to rip your underwear completely off.

“You’re soaked, Star,” he chuckled, knuckles running idly over your sex and causing more juices to leak out. You gasped when he leaned over you, letting the tip of his cock press against your hole. Not in, simply tapping against your wet entrance, drawing circles, or pressing just enough for the fat head to almost pop in.

He pulled away briefly, admiring the sticky strings of both of your juices connecting his cockhead to your puffy sex. His attitude was a direct contrast with yours, almost sleepily calm while you were whining and thrashing underneath his bulk, unable to do anything other than endure the burning torture.

The orgasm crept up on you. Not stalking you through the shadows, but like a monster you could see coming and would never be able to fight off no matter how hard you tried. It hit you like a tsunami, an arching wave of pleasure so good it hurt. You sobbed and thrashed, pinned beneath Ray while he watched you with that same, sleepy smile, as if you were an adorable toy being played with.

“Pretty little thing,” the man cooed as he rocked his hips in a slow, painfully pleasurable grind, forcing you through another choking orgasm on the cusp of the last one. “So good for me, aren’t you, my Star? Mm. I think I need a little more.”

[blacklegsanjiii]

•°♤°• What would happen if 01234ji all escaped Germa? Zeff would have 5 eggplants and if would be very funny of how would that go. But 0124ji are very overprotective of Sanji. They are guilty for their actions and want to redeem themselves so doing that they would want to protect Sanji. I'd have a feeling Yonji would be Sanji's fav bro bc Yonji is younger than Sanji & Sanji has that older sibling instinct. (Can be ASLXSANJI God AU of regular).

That's great, but they all need food names. Also yeah, imagine they feel guilty and then their brother is a god. Wild.

Zeff pinning Sanji to the deck of the Orbit only to have four tiny bodies hanging on him as the ship starts sinking. So now he and five rainbow haired brats are stuck on a rock so he gives them the food and goes and sits on his side. The he eats his leg. Then they get rescued. So Zeff and the kids are recovering and the blond is the worst of them for some reason. Zeff decides he's going to be called eggplant. I feel like Reiju would nectarine, ichiji would be chili, niji blueberry and yonji would be called floret like broccoli. So he recovers and they start work on the Baratie and Zeff suddenly has five children. Which is five more than he had like four months ago. It'll be fine.

Sanji and Ichiji cook, Reiju is the hostess, Yonji and Niji wait. They've cultivated a weird little family for themselves, even if the four stick to the blond like glue and apologize for things randomly. Eggplant doesn't like hats and toys with his hair a lot, one of the others will catch his hand and hold it. The boys share a room and one morning a group of teens come say Sanji is sick and shaking the geezer who is trying to calm them down, so they go check and yeah. Reiju is pointing and saying they never get sick and Zeff knows that's the truth, in the entire time they've been together they don't get sick, so eggplant having a fever and Sanji is shivering and sweating and yeah, he's sick. So he gives the kids shift to stay with him and they continue on as normal. As normal as his kids are. Floret uses his winch hands to whip assholes around the Baratie, Chili will use his laser eyes to destroy ships, Nectarine has eaten a whole poison fish on a dare, blueberry will electrocute dickbags who speak ill of his sister and the eggplant when he goes to help wait. Either way the eggplant is sick so he has the kids take shifts to take care of him.

Sanji is better after a few days and is even more drawn to the water than he was before. The brats could swim for hours, but him especially. His siblings ask him what's going on because he shouldn't be staring at the sun like he is and he's like 'I'm the Ocean, I know where the All Blue is' as his siblings ask what the fuck that means Sanji explains his past lives, his spouses-plural which piss his siblings, Zeff, Patty and Carne off- and Ichiji is like 'well, we're not gods, but you're not like us so it's fine' which is the conclusion the brats come to. It's not fine. Zeff is cursing up a storm and demanding what the fuck happened to his brat?

Then Luffy shows up and everything happens and he leaves and no one knows Luffy is the sun god and Luffy doesn't mention they're married or anything. So they all pay attention to the news and everything going on with their brother. Up until Marineford. Where Fire Fist is a god-the god of stars and Luffy is there with him and that clown is livestreaming it to the whole world. None of the crew is there and Fire Fist is screaming that the Elders are lucky so far it's just him who has unlocked his godly form. Then there is nothing after Marineford for two years. Then it turns out they're all alive and then after Wano the Strawhats, Ace, and Sabo show up at Baratie because uh...they need to meet Sanji's family properly but also uhhh, Zeff is probably going to kill Sanji's spouses if his siblings don't get to them first.

[bpdnpd]

i heard you have ocs and i would like to learn abt them 👁️👁️ (names n pronouns at least for rn)

YAAAAHOOOOO

So offically I have three ocverses! Not nearly all my ocs but like. My main ones.

my new oc I made JERMIAH is from my pilot Bitchin Witchin! It’s an adult cartoon I’m developing abt an alternate earth called Realm where witches are a species, not a type of human. It focuses on the main characters Chili Sawyer (they/them intersex lesbian) and Maliac (he/it living doll) as Chili works at a very old and power witches shoppe-who goes simply by FOUR HORNED WITCH (or FHW. She/her transfem. Kinda. Witches have their own genders and sexes bc again they’re not human.)

Chili and Mal here. :3 along with the other main cast! (Art by my bf)

My other main oc verse is called RISPER 2013!

It’s abt a young black weed dealer named Protag (all pronouns-no gender/all gender.) who’s getting muscled out of business after cannabis becomes legal and rich white ppl start pop up dispensaries-so she books it down further south to start again. On the way she picks up Hitchhiker (he/him) a large well. homeless Hitchhiker with an unknown past who is also traveling down that way. Risper deals with both poverty and his own delusions including his main one: where hitchhiker is secretly a vigilante who fights a serial killer named Kutthroat Killa (he/him also one of the only white ppl in the story. And yes he named himself that. He’s like if Eminem was a killer) and her new supplier who’s extremely controlling and abusive. It’s less….fun than BW sounding but it’s heavily inspired by THE MAXX one of my fav comics. Of all time

My last and like. Least developed verse is my old abandoned webcomic I’m rebooting called SLSHR. I. Have no art of it on me rn but I shall soon.

SLSHR is. Complicated and confusing. The BASIC plot is in a small town surrounded by massive ancient woods, two different types of killers rock the boat and cause a lot of conflict in two separate times that meet in the present and. Fuck shit up. Also undead bird Jesus! Fun! It’s inspired by my first ever amv I ever made as a younger adult/teen. It’s extremely fucking bad and ugly but I’m still proud of it. It focuses on the difference between a slasher and straight up irl serial killer. The reason I’m not mentioning the characters rn is bc I don’t wanna ramble too much…but it’s dear to my heart.

ILY THANN YOU FOR ASKING

[messinwitheddie]

Squee "Nny!! It's been, like, 45 minutes! It's a tiny-ass mobile home! What are you still DOING in there?!"

Nny "Right now, I'm sitting on the ugliest crushed velvet couch I've ever seen while eating a big bowl of the best slow cooker chili I've ever had. I can't wait to learn this recipe in the future. On that note, I should invest in a slow cooker."

Squee "Come on, man! You haven't found ANY physical proof he's not the future you yet??"

Nny "I mean... Other than the alarming number of empty tequila bottles left all over the place."

Squee "Ok, well, you never drink, so he's not you. Mystery solved. Let's ho home, please?"

Nny "Eh... I've started worse habits.

Future me is supposedly dying. Maybe I just stop caring."

Squee "Jesus, Nny, really?"

Nny "He lied about having wife. I haven't found any kind of medical bills or ID or photos or anything-"

Squee "Maybe he keeps his ID and important papers on him at all times, because, you know, cops are dicks."

Nny "Maybe, but-- The fuck--? Future me has a vintage dough boy salt shaker... And it's filled with baby teeth!"

Squee "What?"

Nny "Baby teeth, some shiny rocks and a Canadian dime?... I'm going to draw on it. See if I notice."

Squee "Don't draw on his shit, man."

Nny "Seriously, what's with the teeth?

I found a JAR completely filled with gold-capped teeth in his bathroom cupboard. I found a 25 lb bag of powdered lime in his pantry-"

Squee "Oh God..."

Nny "Yup. Just like the one in my pantry--

A chest filled with jewelry-- pirate booty shit."

Squee "That's kind of neat--"

Nny "And a BIRD WATCHING diary filled with nothing but terrible doodles of the local bird population. NO WORDS."

[Previous page

(Excuse any and all spelling mistakes. I always overlook one or two.

Oh, the invasion of privacy. Poor Mr. Casarez. Don't shit on his hobby, Nny lol.

To me, one of the funniest things Nny does, at least according to Twitter what I recall, is break into peoples' homes and helps himself to their stuff before killing them (because it's all fiction!! To be clear. I wouldn't think it was funny if it happened to a real life neighbor or real life person in general.)

Also, now I really want chili, but it's almost well past 3 AM and I have no ingredients for good chili. My fridge is all condiments at the moment. Been a rough year...

Finally, Noise is born!! Sorry, @psycho-doughart for the slow crawl to his debut. Poor little guy doesn't have a voice yet.

Again, I really appreciate any reblogs, comments or tag-comments I've received from previous strips. Tugs my heart strings.]

[victorspindrop]

Music Artists I think the HOA Characters (Season 1 Specifically) would listen to!

Note: First head canon type thing I am putting on here (yay!). This is something I have thought a lot just myself in my lonesome so Id thought Id share it here! If you have any other ideas of what certain characters would listen to I would love to hear!

Nina

-> I think we as a fandom have collectively decided that Nina would 100% be a swiftie (and I agree). Her favorite album would be either Speak Now or Folklore, however, her fav song would probs be "London Boy" off of the Lover album though (for obvious reasons)

-> I can see her listening to some other softer artists like beabadobee, Clairo, and Boygenius (shes a softie at heart what can I say)

-> "All American Bitch" by Olivia Rodrigo is her confidence booster song for sure

-> Her and Amber have 2000-2010's pop music dance parties in their room together (which make annoy some of the housemates from them jumping around and dancing; also get in trouble with Victor about it but its worth it to them)

->Ok I need you guys to HEAR ME OUT with this one, but...Nina definitely is a little (just a little bit) of a theatre kid. I mean let's be real, she wrote an entire play for the school AND performed in it,,,my girl def is a little bit of a theatre girl. So with that being said, she listens to some show tunes from musicals (mostly Waitress and Mamma Mia)

Amber

-> She would so be a Y2k pop listening type of girl

-> Favorite songs would be "Rich Girl" by Gwen Stefani, "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga, HEAVY ON "Stars are Blind" by Paris Hilton!!!!!!

-> Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Gwen Stefani, Beyonce, if its an iconic pop girl, she listens to them

-> Marina and the Diamonds. IDK IT JUST MAKES SO MUCH SENSE TO ME I CANNOT EXPLAIN. Some of her songs just give that "it girl" energy and if there is an "it girl" of the Anubis house its miss Amber Millington. "Bubblegum Bitch" is blasted in her car with the top down (because she def has a convertible and its pink)

-> Ariana Grande stan. Probably had a stroke when Ariana came out with a makeup line and bought ALL OF IT.

Fabian

-> Fabian def listens to alternative music old and new.

->LOVES THE SMITHS! Like its almost the only thing he listens to

-> Favorite songs by the Smiths include "There is a Light that Never Goes Out" and "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want"

-> Listens to the Arctic Monkeys for sure

-> Some other artists he listens to are Radiohead, The Cranberries, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and TV Girl.

-> Fabian is my favorite awkward loser boy... he listens to Weezer

Patricia

-> Didn't Alfie call her like a "Punk rock/goth vixen" or something like that? (I can't remember the quote or the episode it is in for the life of me)

-> Regardless of whatever the quote was, this is our punk rock alternative queen right here

-> PARAMORE SHE LIKES PARAMORE (has a crush on Hayley Williams because I said so)

-> Had a Panic At the Disco and FallOutBoy phase for sure

-> Listens to the Smiths a little bit (because Fabian showed her some songs)

-> Also listens to some metal rock, loves Poppy and always liked her weird concepts

Alfie

-> Alfie listens to anything and everything I feel like

-> alternative, pop, rock, jazz, electronic, DISCO, hell even fucking dubstep.

-> If he likes it, that's all that matters to him. He doesn't care about the genre or style of music it is

-> I feel he would listen to a lot of artists from the 70s and 80s (idk if that's because of Jeromes quote about him being stuck in the 80s but it would make sense!)

->Loves ABBA, BeesGees, Earth Wind and Fire, and WHAM

-> When "Lets Groove" by Earth Wind and Fire was trending on tiktok, he played it every chance he could. That song has been banned from the house since.

Jerome

-> Like Fabian, he's an Arctic Monkeys fan

-> ADVID LISTENER OF I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

-> Favorite song by IDKHBTFM is Choke

-> I feel like he would also love Childish Gambino idk why I just feels right

-> Secretly listens to Mitski. That boy has been traumatized even BEFORE he was at Anubis, he deserves to cry to Mitski

-> The Neighborhood is a favorite of his (especially their song Daddy Issues because of,,, obvious reasons) Second favorite song of theirs would be Single (if you haven't heard that song highly recommend)

-> Hozier feels right for him idk

Joy

-> I think as a fandom we have concluded that she is also a swiftie. Her favorite album is Midnights and Reputation imo

-> HEAVY ON OLIVIA RODRIGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-> The Sour album was life changing for her (same can be said for Guts)

-> Literally her top songs of the year were all from the album. Jealously Jealousy, Favorite Crime, Hope You're Happy, Good for You to be specific

-> I can see her being a Harry fan

-> Definitely forced Patricia to go to Love on Tour (Patricia liked it, but she definitely won't tell you that)

-> She was a One Directioner so naturally, the love carried on into the members solo careers (had to miss class when Zayn left)

Mara

-> LAUFEY LAUFEY LAUFEY LAUFEY LAUFEY!!!!!!!

-> Also just listens to old Frank Sinatra, Doris Day, Dean Martin

-> Listened to 5SOS during her brief "bad girl" era to help prove her point but she actually ended up really liking them!

Mick

-> Ed Sheeran and Jojo Siwa

*AUTHOR NOTE* I really hope you guys enjoyed this! Tbh it took a while because a few were tricky for me. Please fell free let me know if you have any you would add. Sorry some descriptions are longer than others

[pocarinapyon]

[Mild] Naughty Journal Sumeru Edition

Imagine having a journal dedicated for jotting down all [lewd] fantasies about that certain hot guy. But then one thing led to another and now mister certain hot guy learns of your indecent thoughts towards him. What happens next?

Contents include [Journal Entry Highlights] and [How they find out about your secret and their reaction].

Starring : Alhaitham, Cyno, Kaveh, Tighnari, Wanderer (Separate)

Tags / Warnings : 🌶 [Mild Chili] Suggestive themes; Stalking; Masturbating; Stray cuss words; (Me) fangirling over Alhaitham; A hint of drama / feeling insecure if you squint; Implication of human trafficking; Mentions of being affected by posion mushroom (please, do not carelessly approach, eat, or touch mushrooms unless confirmed they are safe); (Over exposure to) Aphrodisiac; Tighnari's scene 😳; etc.

I have no beta reader so...yes. Sorry if there are grammatical / spelling errors.

Also, most scenes are on or before version 3.3 because I have been slacking on my Archon Quest.

Future Plan : Chilis Naughty Journal Sumeru Edition; But first, I will finish the ones listed in Teasers Maltesers (Jan 13)

Links : Pinned Post, [Mild] Naughty Journal ft. Albedo, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya (Separate), [Chilis] Naughty Journal ft. Albedo, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya (Separate), [Mild + Chili] Naughty Journal Scaramouche Request, Teasers Maltesers (Jan 13)

Note : [W/N] means Wanderer's Name.

Target audience is female (bodied) reader.

To whoever is reading, please enjoy and look forward to [NSFW Ending] in the far future.

——————————————————

📚 ALHAITHAM

Journal Entry Highlights :

> In all honesty, the only reason why I am working hard as a scholar is not for the prestige or the Akademiya. 🙄

> Who cares if I graduated from the Akademiya?

> Now, I just want a good reason to interact with the scribe.

> Will I ever catch the full, undivided attention of our virile scribe? 🥺

> Archons look at those rock hard muscles 🤤🥩

> And down there, I bet he has a big juicy package. 🤤🌭

> HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT A SCHOLAR??!

> I've never taken a penis before but I sure as hell would not mind if Alhaitham breaks my mouth or pussy. 🥺🥵

> *based on observations and approximations, insert Alhaitham's length and girth when flaccid and when erected complete with an "as close as possible" drawing of his penis*

> *insert detailed fantasies of you and Alhaitham doing the deed and recording it using the Akasha... For future reference 👀*

> *insert calculations of how long Alhaitham would last in bed*

> *insert details of how you masturbate to Alhaitham*

> *insert fantasies of how Alhaitham masturbates and where his preferred spots are*

> Fuck, I want Alhaitham to breed me so bad! 🥵

> *insert something like Punnett Square here*

> *insert description of your offsprings based on calculation and data*

> I need to become a better scholar so I can be a worthy breeding material. ❤️

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

“Excuse me,” you modestly asked the group of students perched on a bench outside the Akademiya. "Have you seen a [favourite colour] journal with a dendro symbol engraved on its cover?"

"No. Did you lose your journal?" eyeing you from head to toe, one of the students asked curtly.

"Why would a researcher lose their journal? Only an unsystematic person who's incapable of passing the Akademiya would do that," another responded.

"I believe the correct question is: why would a researcher not use the Akasha? Don't tell me you don't know how to utilize it?" the last of the group mocked.

To this, the students laughed.

Of course. As expected from the people of the Akademiya. Most of them were a bunch of entitled pricks and this group - luckily - was one of them. Why did you even bother asking nicely?

Regardless if they were kind or not, you still had to act friendly. Why? Because it was an emergency. Your notebook full of Alhaitham smut was missing. Five days already passed and still the naughty journal was yet to be seen. You figured no one would take interest in a non-academic-looking journal but it seems you were wrong...hopefully. Archons, all you wanted was to have your notebook in your arms.

A defeated sigh escaped your lips. You were desperate to look for it and inquiring with people was your last resort. You never really had your hopes up but you figured it was worth a shot. Apparently, retracing your steps bore no fruit. Now, it didn't matter if a commoner or even the General Mahamatra found the item. As long as Alhaitham himself doesn't know, you were contented. Why?

Because he was a bookworm. The last time you were sure you were in possession of your debauchery-filled notebook was when you saw the scrivener and sneaked behind him to ogle at his build. When you arrived at your room to add a lewd entry, lo and behold the journal was gone. Imagine what if the scribe found it?

Agh! Whatever! Maybe the young man was right. Maybe you were unsystematic. Maybe your writing, like majority of your academic paper, was already in the trash. It made sense because you weren't from a family of scholars, anyway.

Exhausted, you shook your head, chose to tune out the discourteous remarks thrown at you and flee the scene.

"It seems you three are not in the know," a manly voice said.

That voice! You'd recognize that even if you were blindfolded! Of course you'd love to hear his voice anytime but you'd prefer it in a more expressive manner.

For example, hearing him grunt as he fucks you deep.

"The reason why Miss [your name] decided to instead utilize a hand-written journal is because of the sensitive data in her research. Its details are not yet in the Akasha and it is strictly not intended for audiences such as yourselves," Alhaitham reasoned. "Miss, did your assistant misplace your notes?"

OMG! OMG! Alhaitham - THE Alhaitham - was talking to you!

"Yes. It is as you said," you choked out, riding along his speculation.

Alhaitham was wrong about you having an assistant but he was right about the data being sensitive.

Anyway, the point was!

The point was! Alhaitham, your sexy academic stud, interacted with you! And he defended you against these pups!

However, proud people, when their exaggerated self-esteem is trampled upon, would retaliate.

"Not for audiences such as ourselves? Are you calling us less-learned?? You are just a scribe!" one of the students grouched.

"Dear, did you know that being a scribe requires a high level of education?" you calmly retorted, crossing your arms as elegantly as possible.

Keep cool! Keep cool! The toothsome scrivener was watching!

"What do you mean? A scribe only serves as a public secretary, nothing more!"

"A scribe, my dear, is a LEARNED person who indeed serves as a copyist, among other roles. Tell us then, how do you think can a scribe produce academically correct and non-ambiguous reports if he does not understand the data given to him?" you raised an eyebrow as you questioned the dumbfounded students. How dare they talk smack against your stud??

You could see it in their eyes. They wanted to argue back but they learned, based from the word definition in the Akasha, that you were right. They still had an insignificant probability to win the debate but you didn't want them to actually come up with a retort. Showing no mercy against pip-squeaks like these, your favourite trump card was-

"It seems you lack the vocabulary - something a student such as yourselves should expand. You are all from [Darshan], correct? Perhaps I should suggest to add linguistics courses to you all so you may enrich your knowledge."

Additional subjects to extend the academic years recommended by an alumnus. Who would want that, right?

"Ahem! N - no need," a student quickly replied.

The three students hurriedly gathered their belongings and scrambled to their feet.

"We didn't find any [favourite colour] notebook. Try somewhere else," they said before dashing away with their tails between their legs.

Alhaitham let out an amused chuckle. Knowing the scribe rarely showed any emotions, you wanted to see what kind of expression was he making. However, you were too embarrassed to look at your saviour.

"Ahem...," you noised. "Thank you."

With this, you finally had the courage to face Alhaitham. As usual, he had a serious look on his face - similar to a person who had not had coffee in the morning. In response to your gratitude, he simply nodded.

"You ought to be careful," the scribe spoke.

"Yes, you're right. Thank you," you responded rather too quickly as Alhaitham's next move drained the colors on your face.

It was as you feared. Alhaitham had your naughty journal - your oh-so-sinful diary. All you could do was freeze and stare at the object as he nonchalantly handed it to you. In your mind, you calculated the probability of the scribe reading your notes.

After a few seconds of what seemed to you like years, Alhaitham noised to catch your attention, his hands still in the air to return your item. You stuttered and shakily took the notebook from the man.

"T - Thank you...," you squeaked quietly, now red as a henna berry.

Around ninety-nine percent. That was how likely he read your notes.

"It would be troublesome if someone else found your journal. Luckily for you, it was an eremite. He did not understand its contents and nearly decided to hand it over to the nearest scholar around. But when he flipped the pages and saw a drawing of me, he deemed I was its best recipient."

So, the eremite did not see your lewd drawings? Or did he not understand you drew some penises?

"I applaud how detailed your entries are. Your thorough descriptions assists in picturing the narrated erotic scenes. Even the way how you and I masturbated were vividly represented."

"You've read it?!" you gasped in surprise.

You shrank. Obviously he read it. If he didn't, he would not know you wrote something about masturbating, right? You should have known a percent probability meant a trivial chance.

"Th - Then earlier, with those students...?"

"What I said was true, wasn't it? The information contained in that journal are all sensitive. I believe I also mentioned they are not suitable audiences to read these notes," Alhaitham responded plainly, as if the situation was not embarrassing at all. Well, for him it wasn't.

"W - wha...! B - But, when you said it is not in the Akasha terminal...?!" you stuttered again, spouting nonsense as your thoughts were occupied in recalling all the lewd entries you had written in your notebook.

"Another fact," Alhaitham simply replied before issuing a warning. "Although an Akasha terminal can be used to record events, I would advise against it."

He then proceeded to discuss why it was not ideal to utilize the Akasha in recording, especially pornographic scenes. Of course, you weren't a kid and you knew the dos and don'ts, yet the scribe reprimanded you as if you actually did a don't.

"I understand, thank you. It was just a fantasy, though," was all you could utter after the brief lecture, to which Alhaitham hummed in response.

“Oh, and one more thing,” he added.

The scribe pinned you against the wall while gazing into your eyes, making you squeal and feel your legs turn jelly. His intent stare was as if he was deciphering your very core. You squeezed your thighs and waited for his next words.

"You should correct your data. Compared to what you have declared, my penis is bigger, and my stamina and erection can last longer."

What??

You were stunned at Alhaitham's bold declaration, gawking as vulgar scenes flashed into your mind. Your pussy cried love juice and excitedly clenched at nothing. So he was bigger? If you two did the deed, would he fit?? And if he did, how long would he pound your poor untrained pussy???

Why would he reveal such things in the first place?!

As if pinning you wasn't enough for a tease, the scribe blessed you with a seductive smirk before whispering in your ear.

"I can provide you actual data if you wish."

----------

🐺 CYNO

Journal Entry Highlights :

> The General Mahamatra always look so serious

> I mean, his job must be so stressful, right? 😳

> He must have a lot of pent-up desires, right? 😳😳

> *insert fantasy wherein you suggest giving Cyno head to ease his tension*

> *insert fantasy wherein Cyno lets out his sexual frustrations on you*

> RAWR I BET HE'S GOING TO BE ROUGH 🥵😏

> *insert fantasy wherein Cyno fucks you all evening*

> "Heh... You're finally awake. I've already dumped a couple of loads into you. Your pussy is literally oozing out my cum."

> If Cyno would punish me, I hope it would be sexual torture 🥵😏

> *insert roleplay fantasy here wherein you are hunted down by Cyno and he uses you as a cum dump instead*

> Feel free to use my body, sir 🥵

> But in all seriousness, I hope he gets to relax, even for just a few minutes 🥺

> *insert sweet fluffy scenes with Cyno here*

> *insert cute domestic scenes here*

> Speaking of which, I heard him telling a joke once. I shouldn't pry but... I don't know if I'll laugh at the joke itself, or his delivery, or his poker face, or his long explanation! 🤣

> His joke went like : *insert Cyno's joke here*

> *insert more of Cyno's jokes here*

> *insert your own personal comeback or supplement to his jokes*

> If we are going to have babies, I bet Cyno would pass down all his jokes as inheritance

> Cute desert babies!! 😍❤️

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

You excitedly packed your belongings, smiling happily at the thought of traveling with expenses already paid.

"You've always wanted to go there, right? Well, you're in luck as I have to conduct research in the area. Why don't you join me? I'll cover your lodging."

It was a too-good-to-be-true opportunity - too appealing that you did not let it pass even when you had some doubts. Anyway, surely your friend would not scam you when they said you could tag along in their journey free of charge. You had your own money so even if they did make you contribute Mora, you were prepared.

As a scholar of Amurta, you wanted to learn more about life behind The Wall of Samiel. In this trip, maybe you could practice adapting in the desert. Maybe you could learn more about the desert people's culture and preferences. You know, just in case you and Cyno decided to have kids and settle down in the desert.

Which was impossible, currently. Because number one: Cyno was a dedicated General Mahamatra. And number two: Cyno had no clue you and him were dating.

"Hi, thanks for letting me join you in your research!" you immediately greeted your friend with gratitude.

"No problem! We have to hurry, though. We don't want to be late on our accommodations," your friend brushed off, focusing on their map and beckoning you to pick up the pace.

You got to your meeting place thirty minutes early yet your friend made it seem you were late. Whatever, you couldn't complain. You were benefitting from this expedition anyway. Instead of grumbling, you acted like a sensible adult, did as instructed, and darted to where your friend ran off to.

"Uhm... Is this the right way to Caravan Ribat?" you confirmed, huffing as you tried to speak while jogging.

"No. We won't be passing through Caravan Ribat," your friend responded, making you think for a second.

Why wouldn't you go through Caravan Ribat? Was there another route you could use to travel to the desert? Where exactly were you two going to stay anyway? Before you could voice your doubts, your companion moved on to talk about their research.

You and your friend discussed academics without forgetting to hurry your pace. It was a long travel, almost as if you were trying to make a stray cat lost, but the conversation you had made the trip enjoyable. Soon enough, you indeed both reached the desert.

You marveled at its wonderful sight, a scenery totally different from the rainforests and greeneries you were used to. You saw henna berries and wondered if you could make a dish Cyno would like. You also saw scarabs and thought how hard-working they seemed - pretty much like the General Mahamatra. Another creature that reminded you of the man was the desert fox, because you find them both cute.

Marching forward, you saw wooden structures on the distance. Was that the place you were headed? You did not expect it to be livable, though. Far from it, in fact. In a place like that, what would you do if a sandstorm occurred? Where would you get water for drinking? What about for hygiene? How-

"Well, well. Look who we have here," a rough voice greeted you both. "Purchasing one wasn't enough for you, eh?"

Three eremites popped out from hiding and surrounded you, all of them wearing a grin that spelled trouble.

"I have the goods," your friend declared.

"W - what's going on...? You brought them goods? What goods?" you nervously asked as your flight senses screamed at you.

"Sorry, [your name]," was all your friend said to you while grabbing your arm. "I have the girl. Now, where are my canned knowledge?"

"What?! Let me go, now!!" you yelped, kicked, and resisted. With a successful punch, you managed to free yourself from the traitor's grasp before falling prey to one of the eremite's strong hold. "Nooo! Let! Me!! Go!!!"

"Haha! She looks feisty. I like it!" an eremite said, eyeing you from head to toe. He licked his lips and it clarified what would become of you if you didn't escape.

"Good! Good! This almost looks like an excellence exchange. Except we need to sample your goods first," another one commented.

"She's a hindrance to my research. Do what you want with her, I don't care. As long as you give me the canned knowledge," the bastard you once considered friend revealed as they gave you a scornful look.

The foul declaration made your stomach churn. So this was the reason why your instincts told you to decline the offer. You should have known and listened.

"Well, aren't you too eager? You hear that, girl? We're going to have loads of fun with you," to this, the three eremites guffawed and started touching your defenseless body.

You struggled against the tight hold on you. It didn't matter if you ended up with broken bones. Escape was far more important than anything else right now.

But something distracted them - something behind you made one eremite look wary and draw his sword. Meanwhile, your bastard colleague's face turned pale, suddenly shrieking and bolting away faster than lightning.

Cyno, the General Mahamatra, was here.

Your saviour easily dealt with the small group of eremites before instructing you to stay put. You did as told and watched your self-declared boyfriend go after the treacherous scholar. In less than thirty minutes, Cyno returned with your now unconscious acquaintance, their crotch area wet from fear.

Cyno scanned you from head to toe. He already captured his target but it seems there might be one more. Judging from the way you trembled, you were either hiding something illegal or still in shock.

"Trading canned knowledge is strictly prohibited," he initiated.

"I am aware," you responded weakly, shaking from both fear and excitement. "I - I was nearly sold for canned knowledge by that person. Thank you for saving me."

Cyno's eyes widened momentarily. So that was why you were in a compromising position earlier. He noted to make sure to double this person's punishment.

To investigate further, the General Mahamatra questioned you about the situation to which you obliged.

"Where are the canned knowledge?"

"I don't know," you said sheepishly as you felt pressured not knowing the answer. "I'm not even sure if these eremites really possessed them in the first place. But they did mention something about buying once was not enough?"

Cyno once again studied your movements. Your accounts and his information about this person matched. Plus, you seemed to be telling the truth. To formally conclude his investigation, he needed to check your belongings and ensure you did not possess canned knowledge or anything else that was prohibited.

Punishment did not scare you. You knew you were innocent so you let Cyno freely scan your stuff. He ran through your clothes - including your cute undies; your academic notes and books; your sufficient-just-for-travel Mora; your own Casket of Tomes; your naughty journal.

Oh, right! You had it with you in fear that someone might stumble upon it while you were away. You gasped loudly; colors drained your face as you watched Cyno open the notebook. This prompted the General Mahamatra to think the daybook contained something along the lines of academic fraud or plagiarism. An evidence of misdeed.

But what he discovered was far from what he assumed. Now he understood why you were horrified. Nothing has ever fazed him before but this - this was just too much that the quiet Cyno was left even more speechless. Almost everything written in the journal was all about your horny thoughts towards him.

Almost but not all.

You dreaded the passing minutes. Wait, was perverting the General Mahamatra illegal? It's not like you were publicly doing it, right? It was just a journal after all, something akin to therapy. In any case, you waited for Cyno's verdict.

"So...," Cyno coughed, hiding the embarrassment coursing through his body after browsing through your notes. "You...liked my joke?"

Cyno focused on the less bawdy information in your notes. He may not show it but you knew he was pleased. Still, it did not immediately dispel the shame you felt from being exposed.

"U - uhm - yes. Yes, I do...," you answered bashfully.

"You had an impressive addition for the joke about sumpter beasts. Do you mind if I use that joke myself?"

"Oh! I - uh - I don't mind. Please feel free."

"And you play Genius Invocation TCG too?"

"Yeah, I do. I watched you play once and you looked so cool. I started learning recently so I'm not as skilled as you."

"And you're my girlfriend?"

"I - I was just fantasizing!! Sorry!" you yipped. "It will not get me in trouble, will it?"

This Cyno. You were starting to relax around him! Why did he have to bring up an embarrassing topic? Wait. Was that an amused smile on his face? It must be, otherwise you were hallucinating under the scorching heat.

Cyno nodded before putting all your stuff neatly back in place.

"You're cleared. I'll escort you back home before handing this researcher for trial, and I will make sure it will be a severe one on your behalf. Be extra cautious next time," he concluded, handing you your backpack. "After this, when can I see you again?"

----------

🏛 KAVEH

Journal Entry Highlights :

> My Kaveh is not like any other scholar and I am so proud of him! ❤️

> He is so approachable and he is not snobbish (as others) and he is so open-minded and ❤️❤️

> Notice me please, sir ❤️❤️❤️

> If I told him I was dying and I needed him to fuck me as cure, will he do it? 😳👀👀‼️

> *insert crack / smut scenario wherein you ask Kaveh to cure you through sex*

> No, of course I would not stoop as low

> No, he is not the reason why I chose the Darshan Kshahrewar 🙄

> But he is the reason why I stayed 😏

> Why does he have to be so nice?? It's giving me mixed signals!! 😭😭

> If he and I were to be together... 🥺😍❤️

> Out of all the scholars in Sumeru, I want Kaveh to be my spouse ❤️

> *insert drafts / designs of dream house and rooms here*

> Sir, please give me babies. ❤️

> *insert Kaveh smut here*

> *insert portraits of Kaveh here*

> *insert more smut here wherein you and Kaveh had done the deed in every. single. room*

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

“Excuse me, Kaveh, sir!” you approached the blonde-haired man seated on the library, drafting away on a sheet of paper. The desk was fully occupied by him as his tools and other materials took up much space.

"Hello!" Kaveh greeted and despite getting distracted, he smiled pleasantly at you.

Noticing the cute lion hairclip and the adorable accessories, he recognized his favourite junior immediately: someone whose ideas were akin to his. [Your name].

Other scholars, regardless of their Darshan, had always judged you wrong. Your sense of style, both in appearance and in work approach, always gave them the initial impression that you did not have what it takes to graduate.

Yet here you were, an accomplished architect standing in front of him.

"Just Kaveh will do, you know? So how can I help you?" he asked, resting his cheeks on his knuckles, happy to see a like-minded soul.

"Yes, uhm...," you said bashfully, stifling a giggle that's about to burst from you. "I'm looking for the scribe-"

"Why??" he immediately cut, straightening his body and squinting at you disapprovingly.

You almost laughed at your senior's reaction. You knew he liked to complain about his roommate - his benefactor - and you took advantage of this just so you could have extra time to talk to the architect. You could have gone straight to your concern without mentioning Alhaitham but no, you just had to.

"Isn't he supposed to be in his office? Wait, of course he isn't! You wouldn't be asking me otherwise if he were there, right?" Kaveh grumbled. To this, you finally let out a laugh and apologized immediately. "Ugh! Seriously! So, why did you need him anyway?"

"He rejected my application form," you sighed, showing your senior the request form you filled out with a big red REJECT mark on it.

Kaveh took your form and beckoned you to take the seat beside him. You happily obliged, patiently waiting for your crush to review your request for accessing archived materials. Judging by the look on his face, you knew he was going to complain yet again.

"This looks properly written! I don't understand why Alhaitham would decline this?!" Kaveh bursted, huffing as he re-read what you wrote for the nth time. "You even explained why you needed the materials, for what project, for whom, and for how long. See! These are complete details! Geez...! That guy..."

"Pfft... Ahem...," you wanted to laugh out loud, really, but you were in a library. On the other hand, Kaveh had no problems being loud in a quiet place like this. "I want to know why my request got denied as well, so I was thinking of asking him personally," you reasoned.

"No need!" the architecture puffed, handing the paper back to you. "Just file another request with the EXACT SAME CONTENTS. If he approves that then he is so going to get a piece of my mind!"

"Thank you for your advice."

Kaveh looked so cute. The pout on his lips indicated he was displeased with the matter. Then a smirk formed on his face as he imagined his win on the debate against the scribe.

"Sorry if I disturbed you," standing up, you told the daydreaming man.

"Hehe. It's no problem," Kaveh replied who was suddenly in a good mood after his outburst. "Let me know if your request gets approved, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

...

"Ugh!! I swear he could be so unreasonable sometimes! No, make that all the time!" Kaveh grumbled yet again after finding out Alhaitham rejected your request.

"It's okay. He recommended another book so I did gain something," as much as you liked Kaveh, you still defended Alhaitham because he indeed suggested a better alternative.

"If you ask me, he should have lent you the other one as well. For extra inspiration, you know?" Kaveh pouted as he sensed he lost the chance to impress you and you were siding with his roommate.

This time, you agreed with the architect's reasoning and nodded in agreement. He sighed and decided to stop the Alhaitham slander.

"By the way... What do you think about this design?" the renowned architect asked, showing you his craft. He then proceeded to explain his client's request and discussed the idea behind his design in line with the requirements.

You were humbled immediately. Why would your senior ask for your advice? You were his junior and he was way better than you! You should be getting recommendations from him instead! Despite the thoughts plaguing you, you tried to take in the details he provided.

"So basically, that's what the couple wanted for their vacation lot."

"Isn't this confidential?" was your first response after he was done talking.

"Meh... Yeah," Kaveh replied carelessly with a shrug. "It's okay if it's you. Your opinion matters to me."

Your opinion matters to me. See, this was why you liked Kaveh.

"Uhm - if you say so...," you said nervously as you finally tried to gather your thoughts.

"Don't panic!" Kaveh urged, knowing fully well why your hands trembled. "I wouldn't be asking just anybody, you know?" he encouraged, giving you a persuasive wink.

You blushed at the man. At times like this, you wanted to burst and admit that you liked - no - loved him so much. But you were afraid you might just be reading too much, hallucinating that his actions were advances. He was just a nice, expressive man, that's all.

You shook your head, took in a deep breath, and focused on what your senior asked you.

"This. If the client wanted to go for that kind of feel, then I think...," you murmured while drawing a design on a separate sheet of paper.

Kaveh's smile never once disappeared on his face. Chin on his knuckles, with much adoration, he watched you draw alternatives for his design. If only he could help you trust your abilities a little more.

You and Kaveh shared ideas back and forth, igniting more inspirational thoughts within each other which led you to accomplish the draft he needed to do. He proudly raised the design and admired the finished product.

"This, [your name], right here, is our child," he declared, complimenting each and every detail on the masterpiece.

"Calling it our child is too much, don't you think?" you squeaked, afraid he might catch on to your secret feelings.

"No, it's not! It is exactly what it is!" Kaveh whined, pouting at your disapproving remarks. "Look, this right here was your idea-"

Kaveh went on with his praises, jubilantly reminding the impressive job you and he did together as a "couple".

...

This table.

This table was where you and Kaveh made a child together days ago. Sadly, it wasn't a real kid, but a project together was still something. You placed your stuff down, took out your materials, and let your brain work. It was time for you to make your own draft.

You scribbled away. You drew and drew yet the outcome did not meet your expectations. This was not what your client wanted. Yes, you had inspiration, but your ideas were all about life with Kaveh. You sighed and decided to make another entry on your private journal.

On a blank page, you started to design a bedroom. You meticulously detailed the area, taking into account where you wanted the sun's rays to be; how you expected the beddings to look like; what pattern should the curtains and rugs have; etcetera etcetera. All the little things. Just as you were about to make the finishing touch-

"Is that your dream room?" a very recognizable voice crept from behind.

"Kaveh!!" you squealed, slamming your notebook shut in trepidation.

Noticing the sketch was drawn in a notebook, Kaveh assumed it contained designs of your personal tastes. He grinned at you mischievously, waiting for a right moment.

"Y - you scared me...," you wheezed, slowly hiding the notebook away which your senior did not fail to notice.

Kaveh really did give you a fright. Luckily, there wasn't anything unusual on your splayed journal - just your recently drawn bedroom design. Archons, if he were to see the previous contents-

"Hey, can I see?"

"No!" you immediately reacted.

"Why not? Come on! Just a peek?" Kaveh pleaded.

There you were again, hiding your talent.

Complimenting your skills and praising your craft was the only thing Kaveh could do. Anything more might creep you out and make you avoid him. He wished you gave him a chance.

"No! It's embarrassing...!" you begged, almost throwing your notebook back into your bag but Kaveh was quick to stop you.

He shouldn't but he needed to resort to extreme measures.

"Hehe, got it!" Kaveh teased, now holding your naughty journal.

"No! Kaveh, stop!" you pleaded but the tall man disregarded your request.

He immediately flipped on the back of the notebook. Judging from his reaction, from the way he hummed in approval, he was looking at the recent drawing. Good. There was hope that your dirty secret remains as is.

"You saw it. Now can I get it back?" you tried yet from the way you croaked, failed to hide how defensive you sounded.

"Aww... Why would your hide something this pretty?" Kaveh cooed, flipping through the previous page.

"Wait-!!" was all you could utter.

You stood there as equally frozen as Kaveh. In the page currently exposed was an art of him holding a rolled blueprint. Hearts of unequal sizes were littered everywhere and a speech bubble quoting "This, [your name], right here, is our child! ❤️" was directed to him. The red Kaveh, with saucerlike mouth, glanced at you and saw how flustered you were - you almost wanted to vanish.

Yet he continued.

Kaveh flipped through the pages and saw more entries. Some were architectural designs which included remarks as to why you think Kaveh would like it or why it was constructed as such should you and Kaveh married each other. Other drawings were of him in different poses and expressions, all of which had hearts here and there. At times, speech bubbles were present and he remembered these quotes were the exact words he told you. The most interesting of all the entries were the long texts. There were scattered lewd words and from there, he knew they were smut.

"You like me??!" Kaveh shrieked. "For how long now???"

His whole head was now burning red, you could almost see smoke coming out of his ears, nose, and mouth. He was so surprised that he had to lean back while placing a hand on his chest, gawking at you in astonishment.

You were equally as red as him and you wanted cry. In fact, tears already formed in your eyes. One more word from Kaveh and you were sure to grovel in despair.

"W - Wait! Wait! No! No! Don't cry...!" the blonde-haired man panicked, fidgeting if he should approach you or let you be or what to say or-

And then the tears fell followed by restrained sniffles and soft quaking of your shoulders.

"Oh no, no, no...!" Kaveh blurted, dashing to hold you in his arms and press your face onto his chest.

Archons, this was so embarrassing.

"Kaveh...!" you whimpered, to weak to do anything at all.

You liked him. That couldn't be right. Not when he held onto a conflicting piece of information.

"Argh! You're coming with me!" Kaveh spouted.

He packed your things, chucking everything carelessly in your bag, before dragging you to a more secluded area outside the Akademiya.

The garden. You and him alone together in the garden would have been romantic had it not been for the events earlier. The moment he stopped dragging you, he immediately clarified.

"Didn't you say you liked Alhaitham??"

"Huh?" was your response as you snuffled in confusion, still recovering from the awkward situation.

Really, this man could fluster you in many ways.

"Alhaitham. You told me you liked Alhaitham," Kaveh repeated, now more serious in his tone.

"When...?" your forehead wrinkled tightly, now getting annoyed and confused at the sudden accusation.

"Back when you were a student! You mentioned you had a crush on Alhaitham once and that was the first time you approached me. You told me you wanted to know my friend's name then you asked about your project so we worked on it together-"

And then it dawned on him. It wasn't Alhaitham. It was never Alhaitham. That guy was just your excuse so you could talk with each other. An icebreaker. Kaveh prided himself to be more knowledgeable in reading emotions yet he missed this very important pattern.

Your forehead was still tightly knitted, red puffy eyes glaring angrily at him. Archons, from all that happened earlier, you probably hated him now. But he had to do this, otherwise he won't have any other chance.

"So, you like me?" Kaveh, still not learning his lesson, badgered. You huffed out loud, exasperated with his antics. "No - just! I want to hear it from you! Do you like me?"

"Yes. Are you happy now?"

Did he really have to make you say it? Wasn't invading your journal enough??

"Really??" Kaveh beamed.

Why was he happy? Did he-

"I like you too, you know!" Kaveh bursted in excitement. "Archons, you should have told me from the start! All this time I thought you liked Alhaitham."

At this point, you weren't sure if you should believe him.

"What's with that look? Come on. I'm not lying! Hey, so, since we like each other, can we start dating now? Or will you give me the permission to properly court you?"

----------

🍄 TIGHNARI

Journal Entry Highlights :

> Tighnari's ears and tail look so fluffy! 🤩

> I WANT TO TOUCH THEM SO BAD!! 🤩‼️

> *insert drawings of Tighnari's head and tail here*

> But those aren't the only things I want to touch 😏

> So...does Tighnari have a knot or....??? 👀

> And does he have the urge to breed...? 🥵

> *insert fantasy wherein Tighnari is in a rut and he fills you*

> *insert fantasy wherein Tighnari fills you up to the brim and he plugs your pussy with his knot so the cum just stays there*

> *insert drawing of Tighnari with lust-filled eyes as he licked his lips*

> Tighnari is such a strict teacher, though. 🥺

> "You don't learn fast, do you? You should know by now that I want my cock deep inside you... All.the.way.in..."

> *insert fantasy of Tighnari forcing a hardcore fellatio*

> *insert fantasy of you and Tighnari on a mating press*

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

“Hey, hey! I see a withering zone! Oh - there's another one! Wait - wait!! Make that a total of three withering zones!” you shouted as you gazed on the Seed Mirror.

"How big are they and how far?" your peer asked in a loud voice so you could hear.

"Uh - wait, let me mark them on my map!" you answered as you plotted the location on your map. "I've got it!"

You jumped down from the watch tower and met with your companion. Your fellow forest ranger shook their head as they thought of how impulsive and reckless you could be.

"See, look. These are the three locations. Now this one right here looks waaay bigger than these two so I think it's urgent," you pointed.

"Archons, is this really the scope of this withering zone? It wasn't there last time, right? We should immediately report this to Tighnari then!" your companion suggested, alarmed at the big red loop drawn on your map.

"I know. You go on ahead. I'll continue with our route," you counter-proposed. "You can go back on your own, right?"

"Hey! Just because I don't have a Vision like you, doesn't mean I can't go back on my own!" your friend retorted, giving you a playful noogie.

"Ahaha! Sorry!" you laughed. "But really, you should head back."

"Are you sure you don't want to report this to Tighnari yourself?" your friend teased as they knew you had a huge crush on the Forest Watcher.

"Hah! I know that look!" you amusingly replied. "I don't mind if you report it to Tighnari. Someone has to continue our patrol route. If something unexpected happens, say another withering zone appeared or an ambush happened, then my Vision can at least give me some protection," you explained as tactfully as possible before repeating. "You go on ahead."

"Alright," your friend hesitated, yet they tucked your map away so they could depart. "Be careful, little miss reckless."

"I prefer being called little miss brave," you retorted.

You and your friend bid each other farewell. Touching your [element] Vision, a smile painted your face as you watched your friend sprint back to Gandharva Ville. It was for the best. You nodded before continuing your route.

The usual walk seemed to be normal. There were no travelers in need of assistance; no unusual activity harming the forest; no peculiar discrepancy in the beast population. It was just the usual lush greeneries and peaceful surroundings.

At the end of your patrol route was a forest ranger's watch post. You let yourself in and wrote today's findings on a logbook.

[Date time] - Three withering zones detected using Mawtiyima Forest Seed Mirror, one with wide range; to be reported by [friend's name] to Tighnari; No other unusual activities and no lost/troubled travelers encountered - [your name]

After the long routine, you sat down and took greedy gulps from your water bag, resting and relaxing your feet for a while. By now, you thought, Tighnari should be aware of the withering zone.

Oh, Tighnari, your cute fluffy leader.

You were finished with your route anyway. Maybe it was okay for you to check out the withering zones? Since you already knew where they were, you decided to go and guide wandering travelers in avoiding the said areas.

The trek to your destination was a long one so you opted to take shortcuts. As a forest ranger, you should set an example to passers-by that they should utilize the available pathways, yet here you were, away from the trail and traversing through the forest. You should be fine, you thought. You had a Vision.

Pacing further, you heard rustling noises. This prompted you to go into alert mode and steal a sneak peek. To your surprise, two floating hydro fungi and two floating dendro fungi seemed to be dancing around and releasing spores.

"What in the name of Archons...?" you whispered to yourself, jotting down notes.

Ah, shoot. If you reported this, Tighnari would give you an earful for not following the tracks and for wandering into the forest alone.

Anyway.

"...releasing spores... search the area for... Yep," you said as you wrote your thoughts down.

Mating. From what you know, the fungi were mating. Sexual reproduction, of course, was a normal thing. But was this a normal circumstance or was it anomalous?

Sneaking away from the love-making fungi, you investigated the area further. To your surprise, even other species were doing the deed. On one of a tree branch, you saw dusk birds on top of another. Not far from that tree, you even stumbled upon lizards on a mating hold.

What could be the cause of this?

You noted every single detail on your notebook as you judged this was indeed abnormal. Searching further, you noticed a pink puffy cloud coming from whatever it was behind a bush. You covered your mouth and nose with a scarf before sneaking on the unknown creature.

A pink-coloured poison mushroom. What an unusual shade!

Assuming you were in a safe distance, you wrote down your findings again and described the peculiar mushroom in detail.

"...pink gas cloud... Shape and pattern looks like...," you murmured, drawing the figure.

Odd. You were oddly starting to feel horny at an alarming pace.

No... It couldn't be...?

"Possibly emitting aphrodisiac." You quickly scribbled.

You immediately packed your notebook to flee, only to realize there were smaller pink poison shrooms around you hidden under bushes and tress. You failed to recognize them earlier as you were too engrossed with the bigger pink fungus. And now, it seems you fell right into their trap as all of them produced the pink fluff clouds, peppering your body with their spores.

"S - shoot...!" you cursed, feeling your crotch area ache.

...

"So [your name] was here," Tighnari murmured to himself as he put down the watch post's logbook.

The Forest Watcher Chief Officer himself scouted the area looking for you since you did not return to Gandharva Ville last night.

"She insisted that she should go alone. Knowing her, she must have gone to the withering zones."

Tighnari thought the same even if your co-ranger did not tell him. That reckless and foolhardy nature of yours was exactly the reason why he couldn't promote you as Forest Watcher. He knew why you were acting that way, though. Regardless, you always had him worried over you.

"I have a Vision, don't worry!" was what you would always retort.

It didn't matter if you had a Vision or not. Tighnari cared about you. And this was precisely what he feared. Wherever you were, he wished you were safe and away from harm.

If he were [your name], what would he do? Go off-track, of course!

He tried to simulate your steps, diving straight into the forest in hopes of finding you. He made his ears work extra hard to listen. He utilized high ground to search. He analyzed the surroundings to determine if you had gone through the same path or not. At last, his efforts were not in vain as he finally found your exhausted body seated under a tree, your back leaning on its hard trunk.

"[Your name]!" Tighnari called, darting towards you while staying on high alert.

Fast heart rate. Heavy breathing. Flushed skin. Profuse sweating. He wanted to but he couldn't possibly nag you right now.

"... Nari...," you cried weakly, opening your eyes in a small slit to confirm it was indeed your leader.

"I'm here. Tsk. I told you not to be too reckless. Now look at what happened," Tighnari said. Okay, maybe a little bit of reprimanding wouldn't hurt.

He took out his medicine box and scanned your symptoms. He placed the back of his hand on your neck to which you immediately avoided.

"Nari, don't...!" you uttered, distancing yourself as tears formed in the corners of your eyes. Self-restraint was hard. "Logbook."

You handed him your ranger's journal-on-the-go so it could better explain your situation. In it, he found out about your little misadventure yesterday. He read about the unusual phenomenon you encountered and the pink poison mushroom that affected you.

"I - I was poisoned...," you finally declared with a heavy heart. How could you impress Tighnari now?

You tried. You really tried not to touch yourself again, thinking it was the best option as it hurt when you did. But now that Tighnari himself was here, your urge to finger yourself increased ten fold. You squeezed your thighs in hopes of pleasuring yourself through the friction of your flesh.

"You're horny," Tighnari corrected, observing you as he put your logbook and his medicine box away. He then guided you to drink on his water bag. "You've been thinking about me, haven't you?"

"H - huh...??" you shrieked, eyes widening at Tighnari's bold assumption.

"I said you were thinking about having sex with me," Tighnari affirmed to which you gasped loudly. He brushed off the topic, returned his water bag in place, and explained, "You were right. That pink mushroom puffs out spores that can be used as aphrodisiac. They normally reproduce asexually and rarely sexually, though. A parent mushroom is usually surrounded by its offsprings because it constantly emits spores. Unfortunately, most of the time, the baby mushrooms don't survive so these pink mushrooms are rare to find. They can only hope their spores would grow somewhere else, wherever nature takes them."

You would have listened attentively if you weren't thinking about what Tighnari said.

You having sex with him.

"Is there any cure for this...?" you asked, panting.

"In your case, since you were overexposed, medicine would not be enough," Tighnari replied. "But there is another way."

Tighnari placed both his hands on your thighs and parted them to give him enough space, all the while observing the expression in your eyes. You felt his hands squeeze your flesh, making you moan and produce more love juice.

"T - Tighnari...!!" you cried, feeling weak from your crush's touch.

"We can do whatever you want in your fantasy," Tighnari said. "I know you have been perverting me. You want to fuck with me, right?"

Using one hand, he took yours and guided you to touch his crotch area. Your pussy spasmed as you felt how hard Tighnari was. Did he want to fuck you too?

"How did you know?" you breathily asked, rubbing your palm on Tighnari's cloth. At this point, you couldn't be bothered to hide how you felt towards him.

"Your naughty journal," Tighnari answered followed by an erotic groan. "Remember the time when I accidentally stumbled upon you writing on it? I lied when I said I didn't see anything," he revealed, losing his composure as you pressed your hands on his clothed manhood.

"So... All this time, you knew...?"

Rather than being embarrassed, you felt more courageous. Hearing Tighnari's erotic noises urged you to continue teasing him. You rubbed on his hard member faster to the point that his pre-cum stained his lower garments.

But Tighnari would never let you have the upper hand. You were under the effects of aphrodisiac and he intended to take advantage of that. He pressed his knee on your crotch area, hitting your puffy clit and making you weak in an instant. His relentless teasing on your clothed womanhood had you cumming tons.

"N - nari! Tighnari! Ahh...!!"

"Hehe. Yeah. All this time I knew," he finally answered after hearing your angelic moans of his name.

Yes, he knew about your perverted thoughts towards him. But he would never admit his more debauched fantasies of you. At long last, he could listen to your sweet erotic voice properly instead of the usual muffled ones. This was way better than secretly eavesdropping on you masturbate to him back in the village.

"Stop! I'm cumming!" you squealed, grabbing onto his shoulder with both hands as another orgasm crashed down on you. You held his body close to yours, crying as the stimulation was too much for you. "Nari... Please stop...! I can't...!"

Yet the tone of your voice, from the way you pant and grind your body, suggested you wanted more.

"You started this, [your name]. If you just stayed on track and came home yesterday, then we wouldn't be doing this, would we? Now look. You got poisoned and I needed to cure you. To do that, you need to cum over and over again until you feel your body flushes out the aphrodisiacs," Tighnari reprimanded.

He secretly gloated about how much power he had over your body. Watching you plead with your eyes stirred his primordial instincts to breed you.

"I forgot to mention. I might have been affected by the mushroom too."

----------

🗺 WANDERER

Journal Entry Highlights :

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

> A lovely kind young man saved me from aggressive wild sumpter beasts today

> A mysterious man who needed not his name

> It's okay, I like mysteries 😍😏

> He came back and introduced himself as The Wanderer. I like it ❤️

> Gosh, I can't stop thinking about him. 🥺🥺

> He looks yummy

> Why oh why do I want to make love with him? 🥺🥺🥺

> *insert sensual, romantic fantasies here*

> I haven't seen him for a while but then he comes back and he has suddenly...changed??

> He has an Anemo Vision now! 🤩🤩

> And he still remembers me! 😍

> So he goes by the name [W/N]... Why didn't he tell me sooner? 😳🙄

> He can be rude at times but I can see he's good deep inside

> Good deep inside. Heh. 😏

> Why does this new him make me feel hornier?

> *insert fantasy of The Wanderer being rough on you here*

——————————————————

"[W/N], you're here!" you giddily greeted the Anemo user as you carried a heavy pail of water.

"You idiot! That's not the proper way to carry a shit-ass heavy bucket," the man replied, grabbing the object and putting it down exactly where you needed it to be even without your instructions.

"Hehe. Thank you," with a sweet smile on your face, you expressed your gratitude to the man. His face distorted in disgust as he looked at your happy one.

Taking care of crops was no simple task. You needed to be patient and observant. Patient, because a plant could never bear fruit naturally overnight. You needed to tend to it everyday - do labor and you shall receive. Observant, because as the plant grows, its needs becomes different. Today it might need more watering but tomorrow, it might not require any more. And let us not get started on the pests that may bother it.

Just like in your relationship with The Wanderer, you needed to be both patient and observant. Patient, because he seemed to be the type of person who is not used to expressing his own emotions immediately and fully. Observant, because even if he said something, most of the time his actions contradicted them.

The Wanderer glanced upon a freshly brewed tea sitting on your outdoor table. From its scent and colour, he knew what it would taste like. You noticed this and smiled triumphantly at yourself.

"It's for you. I was expecting you," you publicized, watering your carrots carefully.

"Hmph! And if I didn't come?" he scoffed, yet proceeded to perching himself on a chair and stealing a sip from the bitter drink.

"Then I would drink it myself. There shouldn't be a problem," you retorted.

The Wanderer enjoyed banters like these. When you acted too polite around him, after he obtained his Anemo Vision, you noticed he found it boring. So you changed tactics and, every now and then you would reply something a little less nice...at least they weren't, in your opinion.

"By the way, I remember you mentioned you joined the esteemed traveler and his floating fish on their journey. Why aren't you with them now?" you inquired genuinely, placing your attention on The Wanderer.

"Heh! Floating fish. That's a good one! Hahahahaha!" your handsome companion heartily laughed.

Why does it feel like he was mocking you?

"Floating fish. Heh!" he repeated, wiping a tear that actually formed in his eyes. "The traveler took uninteresting commissions today so I decided to split away momentarily."

"Uninteresting commissions like what?"

"Bounce on an oversized mushroom, for one!" The Wanderer roared exasperatedly, his eyes twitching in disgust.

You laughed at the silly face your friend was making.

"I think that's an interesting task! Is it really possible to bounce on a huge mushroom? I had no idea," you mused, eyes widening in delight.

"For a person like you, of course it is amusing," he argued back, rolling his eyes.

"Is it boring for you because you have an Anemo Vision?" was another genuine question from you.

"This has nothing to do with my Vision." The guy palmed his face.

You had a lively chat with The Wanderer in the morning. Then afternoon came. All your routine was done and the both of you had lunch. That was when your companion excused himself and left.

Of course, you could not stop him. Even if you wished him to stay, you had no rights as you were nothing more than a friend.

Even now, I'm not sure if he likes me or not. I might just be fantasizing too much but there was no other explanation why he would come and visit me. I wish he would give me a sign. Anything at all.

You scribbled on your journal. You intended it to be your therapeutic object to vent your day-to-day encounters yet somehow, it became full of [W/N] fantasies.

I've been needy lately. Just like yesterday and the day before that, all I could think about was how it would feel to have [W/N] inside of me. I want to touch. I want to be touched. I want him to take me from behind, gripping my hips so he could take full control of my body. I want to feel weak as he rams his whole length inside of me. His

You couldn't even finish what you were writing. The more you thought about it, the more engrossed you became. A free hand already made its way inside your clothing and started to pleasure your lady parts.

"[W/N], wait...! You're the first man I've ever been with so please...," you heaved breathily, closing your eyes and picturing the visitor you had this morning as a digit circled itself on your puffy clit.

...

"So this was where my pail went. And you even filled it with water. How kind of you," you remarked happily as The Wanderer once again visited you after a few days of absence. "Good morning!"

"Rub that fucking ugly face of yours," he replied. "You didn't prepare tea for me. So you weren't expecting me?"

"Sorry! I was preoccupied with looking for my bucket, which apparently someone took already. The tea water is still boiling so you'll have to wait," you reasoned, failing to contain the ecstacy coursing through your being. "How have you been?"

"Tch! How ungrateful! Do you want me to throw the water away then?" he roared angrily at your accusation to which you shook your head, stifling an amused chuckle. "What I do is none of your concern. I don't have to tell you anything," he grumbled, resting his chin on his knuckles.

His temper might be because he had not had his tea yet. You nodded and started to water your plants. As you've explained, you couldn't serve him tea because you were still waiting for the water to boil.

"Cancel your plans this afternoon."

"Huh??" you choked, nearly drowning a poor cabbage with water in shock of The Wanderer's sudden demand.

"Are you fucking deaf or are you just fucking stupid?" he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I said cancel your damn plans this afternoon."

"Why? W - what's the occasion?" Archons, was this the sign?

The Wanderer simply looked at you. As he said before, he didn't have to say anything. But you, you had to answer him.

"Okay. After lunch, right?" you replied, blushing at the idea of an afternoon date.

The indigo-eyed man remained silent as he did not need to confirm it. Of course he meant after lunch! You smiled anyway as the sound of whistling kettle broke the silence, prompting you to give your visitor his well deserved tea.

...

"Oh, so this is what a huge mushroom looks like," you marveled at the enormous stretchy fungi, poking it for any kind of reaction. "It reminds me of you."

"I will fucking murder you if you say that one more time," The Wanderer warned, shooting daggers at your laughing face. He sighed, crossed his arms, and asked in a vigor-less tone, "Do you want to try it?"

"Yes! Please?"

"Jump on it then."

"That's it? What if I die??" you shrieked, bothered by the lack of clear instructions.

"Then you die."

You exasperatedly gasped at your companion's behaviour to which he laughed in amusement.

"Ahaha! Kidding! Your face looks stupid, seriously!" he teased before guiding you to climb an oversized fungus. "Okay, jump."

"Jump??" you hesitated. "As in jump??"

"Yes, jump. For the love of - just fucking jump already!" The Wanderer ordered.

"Nnh...!"

Shutting your eyes tight, you did as told and boldly jumped on the stretchy fungus. Your initial fear poofed away as you now bounced up and down the mushroom happily.

"[W/N]! Look! Look!" you called, ricochetting against the elastic shroom. "I'm Anemo now!"

You were enjoying so much that you failed to notice the smile painted on The Wanderer's face. Seriously, what was a person like you doing, bouncing on an overstretched, oversized mushroom? You looked so stupid.

So stupid, it was cute.

"Heeeey! Join me! It's actually fun!" you beckoned, flailing your hands in the air jovially.

After throwing you high in the air, the mushroom suddenly clunked and disappeared, leaving you cushionless on your next fall. You noticed this, making panic course through your every fibre.

"[W/N]!!"

"I've got you!" The Wanderer rang, carrying you bridal style mid-air.

Your heart beated so loud, not only from the adrenaline, but from the way The Wanderer carefully held you in his arms; from how his soft baby-face looked up close; from how his lips trembled so slightly as yours were inches away from his.

"I've got you," he whispered, eyes softly squinted as he stared at yours tenderly.

You could have sworn you were going to kiss. His lips were approaching yours and - Archons, you were sure of it! But he just had to ruin the moment and switch back to his usual grumpy nature.

"I should have let you fall and die," The Wanderer clicked his tongue, contradicting everything by gingerly putting you down on solid ground.

"Thank you..."

"Tch! You're an idiot."

...

Today was a happy day! I enjoyed myself so much! [W/N] came to visit me again and he took me on a date ❤️‼️ He let me bounce on a huge mushroom. It was fun until the mushroom poofed away. I nearly died but [W/N] caught me. It was magical! We were floating in the air using his Anemo powers, I gingerly on his arms. I was like a bride and we almost kissed happily ever after. ALMOST.

You jotted down freely on your notebook, just extremely happy that you had a wonderful time with your crush. You were on cloud nine and nothing could ever bring you down now.

Maybe he really did like me? Maybe he and I had a chance?

Maybe. Just maybe. It wouldn't hurt to wish, right?

...

The events yesterday cajoled you to sleep peacefully. Even in your slumber, you fantasized about a happy ending with The Wanderer. You couldn't bear to wake yourself from such a sweet dream so you woke up a little later than usual.

After the trip back from dreamland, your body finally stirred as you started to wake up from a wonderful rest. You stretched your limbs and let out a relaxed yawn, preparing your body for another day of work.

"Disgusting."

You shot up and saw The Wanderer perched on your desk chair in a figure four lock, facing your way as one knuckle supported his head while the other held your personal journal.

"W - What are you doing in my home?" you accused, trying to process everything. What was apparent now was The Wanderer invaded your home and had read your journal.

"Hmph! You incriminate me yet from the text written on your diary, you should be glad I'm here," The Wanderer scoffed, casting your journal back on the desk.

"Y - you...!" was all you could utter.

A mix of fear, anger, shame, and confusion painted your face - all of which were negative emotions. You had so much on your face, it looked stupid - so stupid that The Wanderer laughed in amusement.

"Surprised? Of course you should be! Hah, I bet you didn't expect this the moment you woke up, huh?" he teased in a mocking tone. "Tell me, then, oh dear [your name]. Do you still like me?"

Of course you still liked him. You knew he was a good man, despite him barging into your home unannounced. But right now, you had a lot of questions plaguing your mind.

Such as what was his purpose for doing such a thing?

The Wanderer counted the seconds until time was up. Your lack of response, deep down, disappointed him. Just as he thought, you would cower away once he showed you a glimpse of what he truly was. Internally in defeat, he stood up and prepared to depart.

"It was foolish of you to form feelings towards me. Learn from your mistakes."

Why does it feel like his words were directed at himself? Even before you could ponder further, you found yourself holding The Wanderer tightly in your arms, your faces tucked on each other's neck.

"Forget about me."

"I like you," you replied. "I like you."

"You're being foolish."

"You've told me a million times that I'm an idiot."

"Idiot. An idiot is different from a fool."

"Then I am a fool in love with you."

"Heh! You don't even know what you're dealing with yet you throw away the word love carelessly."

"Then what exactly am I dealing with, [W/N]?"

A long pause. He hesitated for a long while, filling the room with awkward silence. What was he doing, unmoving in your arms when he promised to forsake worthless emotions and to simply live for himself? He felt like he himself was a fool.

A fool in love with you.

"I am not a human," he revealed in a modest hushed tone of barely a whisper.

He expected you to react negatively - to turn back and cast him aside as you had no future with him. Who would want to be with a puppet, right? Surely no happy ending awaited you if you pursued him further.

"Does this mean you didn't like me?" you asked genuinely.

To this, he didn't answer. Of course, he liked you. He knew your feelings were genuine towards him. It was just he had a lot of questions haunting his mind.

Such as was he willing to risk loving again despite everything he's been through?

"You're afraid, aren't you?" in a gentle voice, you asked. Your thumb gingerly made soothing strokes onto his flesh as you waited for his response.

Seconds passed and with no response from The Wanderer, you deemed it was best to let him go. But the moment you loosened your grip, he immediately pressed your body against his.

"What if I told you we cannot build a family together?"

"Just tell me that you love me and visit me from time to time. That's enough for me," you declared, letting yourself melt in The Wanderer's arms. "I love you, [W/N]."

His new name has never sounded so angelic before. He was someone who preferred extremely bitter tastes yet from the way his name sweetly rolled off your tongue, he might turn into a new man.

Of course he would never admit that verbally.

Yet.

But his actions would.

So he planted a modest kiss on your cheek, a speck of promise that he would make your relationship grow and bloom.

Told you there would be drama.

I guess I got too carried away with The Wanderer's scene that it became too long? Or is it just my imagination? 😅

To whoever read this, thank you for your time. Here, have some curry rice - one for you and one for your Genshin hubby. 🍛🍛

Links : Pinned Post, [Mild] Naughty Journal ft. Albedo, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya (Separate), [Chilis] Naughty Journal ft. Albedo, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya (Separate), [Mild + Chili] Naughty Journal Scaramouche Request, Teasers Maltesers (Jan 13)

[cobainqueer]

List of Posts about Kurt Cobain

(Kurdt Kobane) by @cobainqueer

Topics: Personal Life; Sexuality, Gender & Expression; Journals, Lyrics, & Assorted Writings; Artwork; Music; Concerts; Tributes; Documentaries; Death & Investigation, and more…

Last Update: 8 JUNE 2024

Sexuality, Gender & Expression

Reclaiming the Past: was Kurt Cobain trans? (Medium | Daniel Rowley)

Anyone else get the vibe that Kurt Cobain was polyamorous? (Thread with text and photos)

“I want a dress.”- K.C. (Video post)

“I personally like to wear dresses around the house sometimes.” - K.C. (Video post)

Journals, Lyrics, & Assorted Writings

From Cobain’s Journal: A List - Kurt Cobain, Journals (image & text post)

Just Before I Fall Asleep (semihypnotic state of conciousness) - Kurt Cobain, Journals (image & text post)

I’ve lost my MIND many times, and my wallet many more. — Kurt Cobain, Journals (image & text post)

“May women rule the world.” — Kurt Cobain, Journals (image & text post)

Art

Kurt Filming His Artwork - Kurt Cobain (YT)

In Utero Mixed Media Art - Kurt Cobain

“the male seahorse carries the children and gives them Birth.” - Kurt Cobain, Journals (image & text post)

REVEALED: Kurt Cobain’s Original Artwork | Source: KidsOfDada (article & photos)

Kurt Cobain’s Art: Collages & Sculptures | source: incesticide23 (YT video)

Spoken Word

Aberdeen (Montage of Heck) Kurt Cobain Home Demo

Rhesus Monkey (Montage of Heck) Kurt Cobain Home Demo

Collaborations & Covers

“The Priest They Called Him” (1992) performed by Kurt Cobain (guitar) & William S. Burroughs (spoken word)

Lyrics

Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle - Nirvana (Lyrics & Music Video)

Opinion: Home Demo & Journal Lyrics (previously unreleased home demo audio leaked to YT, & Cobain’s original lyrics from their journal)

Sappy (Cobain’s lyrics from their journals, music video, and song analysis video)

Spank Thru - Nirvana (lyrics & music videos)

Talk to Me - (17 Nov 1991) Nirvana in Italy (video & lyrics)

Music

Nirvana in Chronological Order (list of Nirvana songs and their respective recording/release dates)

In Bloom - All in Dresses (music video)

Lithium - (official music video & article discussing the context behind “Lithium”)

Polly - (music video)

Smells Like Teen Spirit - (music video)

You Know You’re Right-(official music video - YouTube) (music video - tumblr)

Records, Albums, Singles, & Demos

Fecal Matter - “Illiteracy Will Prevail” (1985/1986) full demo

Come As You Are - (1991) Single EP

Lithium - (21 July 1992) Single EP

All Apologies - (1993) Single

Montage of Heck - Full Album (YT Playlist)

Concerts & Shows

New footage from Nirvana doing a show in a Record Store (1991)

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana (1991) at TOtP (video of Kurt fucking around singing Smells Like Teen Spirit and essentially pretending to blow a mic)

Interviews & Radio

What Is Nirvana? (January 1990) Seattle, WA Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, & Chad Channing

Interview with Nirvana at Man Ray, Cambridge, MA (18 April 1990) Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, & Chad Channing

Kurt Cobain LIVE at KAOS (1990/1991?) (YT video) Songs: Opinion, Lithium, Dumb, Been A Son

Early Nirvana Interview About The Growth of Rock Popularity - (June 1992) Sjöhistoriska Museet Sweden, broadcasted on TMF in the Nirvana Special

Kurt Cobain Interview with Jon Savage (22 July 1993) YT

“I have a request for our fans.” — Kurt Cobain

Movies & Documentaries

Nirvana - Behind The Scenes (Full Documentary)

Last Days: Kurt Cobain (FULL MOVIE)

Kurt Cobain: About A Son - (FULL DOCUMENTARY)

HISTORY of EARLY NIRVANA 1980’s Documentary - Daniel Sarkissian (2023) YT

Books

Journals — Kurt Cobain (2002, & 2003)

Here We Are Now — Charles R. Cross (2014)

The Pleasures of Death: Kurt Cobain’s Masochistic and Melancholic Persona — Arthur Flannigan Saint-Aubin (2020)

Tributes

Tearjerker by Red Hot Chili Peppers — Song & Lyrics dedicated to Kurt Cobain

Death & Investigation

Cobain’s Autopsy Report (King County, WA Medical Examiner; cobaincase.com)

Cobain Shotgun & Crime Scene Photos (Seattle Police Department)