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#GOOD GOD MY LAUNDRY IS FOLDED
boxwinebaddie · 8 days
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i’m so sorry for being insane, but it is hysterically funny to me that every goddamn day jerseykyle is like…
*sees ravenstan, picks him up and spins him*
hello zeeskeit c’: <333 hello most beautiful special funny handsome wonderful boy in the world how does it feel to be perfect in every possible way? <3 mwah *nose kiss*
*points to everyone else and pulls out a GLOCK*
aND TO THE REST OF YOU COCKSUCKAS: THIN ICE
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artblueminecraftorchid · 11 months
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Saturday Morning Confessional
Hell lingers behind every shadow;
I leave the lights on, yet they stay.
Electricity bills climb higher,
Nights get longer,
Temperatures colder.
You’d think Hell could pay a heating bill
Once in a while, but in spite,
The nickels and dimes stack up.
I miss the sun.
This daughter of God thrives on routine,
But the clock shifts back and forth;
The government’s grasping attempt
At brighter mornings. Bitter as I may be,
I am grasping with them.
Light, light, God grant me more light;
Even if it casts shadows, at least
I’m not in the dark.
For all the scrambling to daylight,
I sleep longer, frittering away
Morning hours. Shorter days chopped
Ever slimmer. I used to sleep
When the sun went down; beat the
Dark to my bedrest and
Flee from the fear. Now, it’s 6:30PM,
The night already creeping, dinner
Not yet made. I stay awake,
Forget time, shiver in the gloom.
It does not bode well for winter.
Thanks be to God, who turns the planets on their axes
My alarms went off on a Saturday, and
I could not get back to sleep. Thanks be
To God, from whom the sunrays burst
In helium-synthesis glory; the day was
Majesty’s declaration, cool and bright and joyful.
Thanks be to God, I got up early, amen.
The laundry’s in the dryer, the food bought
For the week, the carpets are all vacuumed;
I’m resting, not asleep. May every chore I do
Be prayer and praise together:
Thanks be to God, I’m having a good day.
Hell lingers behind every shadow;
May God’s angels clear them away.
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kohakhearts · 1 year
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now that the insomnia fic is finished i can focus on the other fics i want to write but one of them is huge. giant. and here i am. writing it for a silly little rarepair
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pirateprincessjess · 6 months
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When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.
I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.
One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.
The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?
The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”
I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.
It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.
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the-bluestreak-cat · 11 months
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I just sent six emails I’ve had on lock for the last week. Exhausted, deserving of a Little Treat
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mama-kisu · 1 year
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I hate when I automedicate and it works. Cause that means the only thing keeping me from functioning like a neurotypical would is a dx, that I can’t get because I would be unable to work in my field because my state is ableist.
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andypantsx3 · 23 days
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LOADS OF FUN : TODOROKI x READER
SUMMARY: After moving into your first apartment together, Shouto seems more amorous than ever. You're not sure why—but when he comes home to you doing a load of laundry, more than your clothes are about to get tumbled. TAGS/WARNINGS: nsft (18+ only, minors please dni!), pro hero au, gn + afab reader, established relationship, fluff, emotional sex, table sex, cunnilingus, the shouto domesticity kink agenda goes absolutely crazy in this one lol (2.8k) NOTES: This piece is part of my pretty boy summer Shouto x Reader collab! Please go check out the other incredible fics people have written over the course of the summer; you will absolutely die over how good they are. This fic was also made possible through donations to the Fics for Gaza project. I cannot thank everyone who donated to one of the charities enough, as well as those who organized, reblogged, discussed, and got the word out. Lastly, I am so grateful for your immeasurable patience with me as I take time between fics to manage my workload, I hope I'm not too out of practice here lol. In summary: thank you, thank you, a million times thank you.
The sound of the door opening was hidden in the thump and glug of the washing machine starting its spin cycle.
Halfway across the house, you were oblivious—you had the clean laundry spread out on the kitchen table, hunting through the pile trying to match one of Shouto’s socks to another that seemed to have vanished into that mysterious void which opens somewhere between the laundry basket and the dryer. One of his shirts was half-folded over your shoulder, abandoned in favor of the sock search.
The rest of your things were still mostly tangled together on the table, warm and fresh and cottony, the few shirts you’d already folded sagging off the kitchen chairs.
It still gave you a little thrill—even several weeks after you’d moved in together—to see Shouto’s things twined up with yours—his enormous socks dwarfing yours, your sweaters clinging to the occasional piece of his hero suit that hadn’t seen enough action to need his agency’s industrial cleaners.
It all added to your sense of satisfaction with your afternoon—a frosty weekend day you’d spent cozy indoors, moving slowly and leisurely through some chores. A pot of soup simmered on the stove, and your favorite playlist worked itself through in lazy loops. Shouto was due off his rotation soon, and you hummed contentedly to yourself, entertaining pleased little fantasies of curling up with him for the rest of the weekend.
Which of course is when something moved in the corner of your eye. Your hum sawed up into a strangled screech, and you whipped around, flailing. Shouto’s sock launched itself full force at the intruder before you even registered you’d thrown it. In your shock, your leg caught against the table and you went stumbling—
—right into a pair of warm hands that caught you about the waist.
Your hands were on the man’s shoulders to push him off before you realized you recognized the touch—and that you’d caught sight of a distinct mop of scarlet and white hair as you’d whipped around.
“Shouto! Again?” you scolded reflexively, even as your heartbeat stuttered out of its wild kick into high gear. You tipped your head back to stare your boyfriend in the face, shoulders slumping in relief, letting him take some of your weight.
Shouto peered down at you, that tiny scrunch between his brows that indicated concern. “Are you alright, love?”
Your heartbeat pounded thunderously in your chest. “I’m—fine. But my god we need to get you a bell. I almost peed.”
Shouto’s mouth shifted minutely into something that might not have registered in anyone else’s face but was most definitely a regretful downturn on his. He looked even more unfairly beautiful than when he’d left you this morning—a little flushed and windswept from the unseasonable cold, that full mouth pink and pretty.
Your mind flicked momentarily off and back on like a circuit breaker, the way it always did when you had to process Shouto.
You’d understood he was once-in-a-generation levels of beautiful before you’d even met him, his face staring up at you from the glossy pages of various tabloids over the years. But in person, even after years of knowing him and several more dating him, Shouto’s appearance still managed to cross all the wires in a person’s brain. His features were an incomprehensible blend of aloof and elegant, sensual and warm—like a cold masterpiece of a marble sculpture had suddenly found himself with a consciousness and human desires and miles of warm skin.
“I did not mean to startle you,” he said, his voice low and warm. He sounded sincerely regretful.
You knew he hadn’t meant to—you’d long suspected his silent tread was habitually ingrained in him from years of hero work. And, in your most private and ungenerous thoughts, you suspected from years of making himself unobtrusive in his father’s home. The thought sat sour in your mouth, like a slice of pickled lemon.
You resisted making an equally sour face, shoving the thought away to make space for the reflexive flush of pleasure seeing Shouto always brought you.
“Welcome home, Sho,” you said instead, smiling up at him. Shouto’s hands moved on your waist, sliding gently beneath the hem of your tee-shirt to rest on the skin there.
He was still in his hero uniform, and as usual you felt a little goofy in comparison, in nothing but a tee and a well-loved pair of fraying sweatpants, which were this afternoon decorated with little flecks of soup from a brush with the pot.
But Shouto’s eyes were warm where they rested on you, and that perfect mouth crept back into a contented set. His long fingers smoothed over your skin as he watched you, thumb brushing your hip. He did not look like he found you at all goofy.
In fact, as his eyes dropped down to your ankles, slowly dragging back up to your face, you rather thought he looked a little appreciative. He even took a rather ungentlemanly step back, still holding you, to better take in the whole picture. His eyes wandered over the swell of your hip, the lines of the shirt against your chest, before darting to his own shirt, still folded over your shoulder.
His fingers flexed tellingly on your waist, and those heterochromatic eyes were both a little bit darker as they flicked back to yours.
His obvious regard made you feel warm. You shifted on your feet, shuffling.
“I was just—doing laundry,” you said for something to say, your mouth feeling kind of dry. Something about him always made you feel sort of shy and light-headed, even after all this time together. “And I made soup. I was thinking we could eat on the couch and watch one of those horrendous old All Might films?”
Shouto’s eyes darted to the stove, then beside you to the pile of your laundry, lingering for a long minute. His long lashes dipped, almost fluttering as his gaze traced over the tangle of your things together. His eyes flicked back to you. He was still for just a moment, watching you assessingly.
And then all of a sudden the world spun in front of your eyes. The hands at your waist lifted you clean off your feet, and you let out a startled “oof!” as you found yourself laid out in the pile of laundry on the table, sheets and sweaters bunching beneath you.
Shouto moved over you, stepping between your spread thighs, right at the edge of the table.
“You have no idea,” he intoned in a deep, delicious tone that went right down your spine, “what it is to come home to you like this.”
You wondered at that, feeling a strange combination of confusion and flattery, when Shouto’s mouth descended onto yours. His mouth was soft and sweet and insistent and absolutely perfect. The table groaned as he laid some of his weight out over you, pinning you into the laundry as he kissed you.
Your fingers clutched at him immediately, curling in his silky-soft hair, cupping his face to yours. One of Shouto’s own hands shifted to your thigh, holding you against him as he pressed himself harder into you.
You heard yourself making little gasps of appreciation as Shouto’s mouth moved down to your neck, laving hot kisses down your throat. You reveled in the feeling of him over you, broad and strong, his shoulders blocking the glow of the overhead light, casting shadows over you.
He’d been a lot like this lately, ever since you’d moved in together. He’d been adequately amorous before, of course, and blessed with a pro hero’s strength and unflagging stamina. But a few weeks after you’d moved in together you’d actually decided you needed to reactivate your gym membership given the amount of incredibly athletic sex you were suddenly having over almost every surface in the house.
One of the only spots yet to be touched was the table though, which Shouto seemed determined to rectify at this very moment.
He pulled back from you, his mouth flush from your kisses, looking a little entranced as he stepped out from between your thighs. You made a little noise at the loss of weight and heat over you, but Shouto caught the fabric of your sweatpants, gently but determinedly tugging them off of you. Your underwear was tossed right over one broad shoulder as Shouto went to his knees, and then his mouth was right back on you.
A wave of wild heat licked up your stomach at the noise of appreciation he made before sealing his mouth over you, strong fingers clutching your thighs to keep them apart.
“Oh my god!” you said, pleasure zinging right up your spine with the first lave of his tongue over you. “Shouto!”
Shouto let out a deep, pleased hum, two long fingers sinking into you embarrassingly easily as he worked your clit with his mouth. Your back arched and you could feel your clothing shift with you, Shouto’s shirt balling up under your shoulder blade, still half-draped over your shoulder.
“Oh, oh!” you heard yourself saying as your fingers twisted in the clothing, shuddering with every lick and suck of Shouto’s perfect, amazing, talented mouth.
He worked you with the expertise of long, dedicated practice—everything about him calculated to drive you insane. One moment he was excruciatingly soft, mouth slack and the touch of his tongue as fleeting and light as the brush of a butterfly’s wing. Then the next he was sucking relentlessly, teasing firmly with the tip of his tongue as his fingers played with you.
Your first climax hit you mortifyingly quickly, and Shouto seemed to know it before you did. His grip tightened on you, holding you down as you bucked against his mouth. Shouto looked more than a little smug as he got to his feet again, unbelting himself and laying back out over you.
He kissed you some more, the taste of yourself always a sort of shock to your system. But Shouto never seemed to mind, and if anything only seemed hungrier for you, mouth pulling at yours like he meant to devour you.
You felt the touch of his hand between your thighs as he lined himself up, then sank into you easily, groaning appreciatively like he’d just sunk into a hot bath. He bit carefully at your neck, one large hand pressing your stomach down to keep you pinned against the edge of the table where he wanted you.
“I always want to come home to you like this,” he intoned into the skin of your neck, his mouth sucking dizzying patterns into your skin. “Always.”
You could barely think past the slide of him inside you, thick and full and blissfully exquisite. He really was the most perfect man on earth, and he always felt like it too.
You barely managed to blink your eyes open to watch him, trying to catch his meaning in his face. Shouto watched you back, those blue and grey pinned on you like he couldn’t bear to look away from you as he moved inside you.
“You—” you panted out, trying to cling to the thoughts threatening to wiggle out of your grip. “What do you—? Of course you’ll always come home to me.”
Shouto bucked into you harder, the slap of his hip against the bottom of your thigh echoing loudly over the burble of soup on the stove. His eyelashes fluttered, mouth softening, and a realization struck you almost dizzy.
Oh, he really liked that.
You suppressed a wave of giddiness, charmed and helplessly pleased that he seemed to like the idea so much. Was that why he’d been so especially ardent this past month? Was it really because you’d moved in together?
Shouto’s arm hooked under one of your legs, drawing it up firmly over his shoulder so he could press even further inside of you. He looked so good like that that you nearly lost the thread of your thoughts, especially when his next thrust felt like that. Your eyes nearly rolled back in your head.
“Ah!” escaped you. “Fuck, Shouto. Like that, please!”
Shouto’s thumb pressed down on your still-sensitive clit and he had to dig the fingers of his other hand into the flesh of your leg to keep you from bucking him right out of you with the way you squirmed. Sweet fucking gods he was unreal.
Shouto fucked you harder, the sound of your skin slapping together obscene in the quiet of the kitchen.
You tried again, struggling to watch his reaction with the way you wanted to throw your head back and babble nonsense instead.
“You’ll always come home to me,” you repeated, gratified when Shouto’s grip on you tightened, a soft sound escaping him. “You want me right here for you?”
“Ah—yes, love,” Shouto panted, staring down at you again. He looked like he knew what you were doing but didn’t care. “Yes,” he hissed.
“Just like this?” you prompted, trying not to slur the edges of your speech when he gave another particularly mind-bending thrust of his hips. His chest rose and fell heavily and he looked a little wild-eyed, gazing down at you.
“Like this, for me,” he said. “In my home, in our home—”
You could hear the table squeal and groan with the force of his next thrust, and then you had to grip the sides of it to steady yourself as he fucked you, looking blissful. Your nails scrabbled at the edges of the table, caught in between a million sensations—the glorious fullness of Shouto inside you, the gentle grind of his thumb against your clit, the way he looked all flushed and beautiful and panting and wanting—
You squeezed your eyes shut, too overcome with the sight of him to look at him anymore, but it was no use. Your entire body trembled as you came, and Shouto let out a low swear at the way you clenched up around him, hunching over you and pressing himself so impossibly hard against you as he came too.
He slumped down against you, weighing you into the soft-smelling cotton of the laundry you were now definitely going to have to rewash. You could feel his chest rise and fall as he panted, his breath tickling the skin under your ear. He left an unbearably soft, sweet kiss just under the lobe, at odds with the near-wild way he’d just been fucking you.
You warmed, petting through his hair with a helpless affection.
“Well now I know what time I should always do our laundry,” you said.
Shouto huffed into your neck, but you could feel a tiny smile curve his mouth.
“It is not just that,” he said, but did not elaborate for some minutes until you elbowed him gently. He peeled himself off of you just enough to look down into your face. “It is the thought of our life together. Our clothes piled together. You in the home we chose and we made…” he said, trailing off.
But you thought you got the sentiment. It was about how easy it was, how uncomplicated. A safe place to come home to, no expectations, just soup and a pile of sweet-smelling laundry and someone happy to see you. It was something far away from what he'd grown up thinking a home was, possibly something he’d thought he’d never have—something you were determined to make him realize now that he always would.
You let your fingers pull through his hair again, smiling up at him. “I am going to have to do our laundry again, though,” you teased. “In case that interests you.”
And despite what he’d just said, Shouto did in fact look a little too interested. You watched his mismatched gaze trail over to the closet that opened onto the washer and dryer. A contemplative look snuck across his handsome face, carefully curling the corner of that plush mouth.
“There is another place we have not yet broken in,” he said slowly, voice dipping low. He looked down at you with an earnest expression completely in contrast to what he was suggesting.
You couldn’t help but laugh, and that was all the permission he needed to pull you up, gathering you up in his arms and layering a fat handful of laundry on top of you. His belt buckle rattled loosely beneath you where he'd barely done it up in his haste, and you laughed harder when he turned off the stove as you passed it.
Though it turned out to be a needed precaution—as neither of you found yourselves free to sit down to dinner for several hours yet.
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nanaslutt · 4 months
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HI NANA ILY spiral anon again i have a request ^.^ reread ur 'stealing ur panties' smau and i'm so obsessed with the nanami one do u think u would ever write perv nanami? like as a coworker or an apartment neighbour stealing ur panties from the laundromat... idk i'm kinda obsessed w the concept n i need it TY <33 -🌀
ʚ cont: fem reader, perv!Nanami, panty stealing, fantasizing, jerking off, masturbation (r!)
ʚ note: my reqests are closed, i just woke up wanting to write a little and found this gem in my inbox
MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ
Perv!Nanami has been working so hard over the past year to get close to you, his pretty little neighbor. You have the same impression of him that everybody else shares about the handsome man; kind, gentle, and caring. And that's exactly what he wants you to think about him when he knocks on your door and asks you if you would like to eat with him because he "ordered too much takeout." Or when he so kindly comes to your house each week to take your laundry down to the shared washers and dryers the apartments provide because of, "convenience."
And of course, you say yes, how could you not? Nanami is such a good guy, and you know your clothes will be safe with him, that he'll treat them good and return them to you folded and smelling like poppies. And because NAnami is such a nice man, you never even think twice when he brings your laundry to you hours later and you're missing a pair or two of panties. You don't worry about it, they always show up sooner or later--and the pink pair sitting on top of the pile of freshly cleaned clothes? You could've sworn those have been missing for weeks but maybe they were just buried at the bottom of the pile and you missed them, yeah, that had to be it.
Nanami doesn't want you growing suspicious and he sure as hell doesn't want you spending your precious money on new panties if you think you're missing your old ones. He convinces you that you've been so busy lately and probably misplaced the undergarments after coming home and peeling your clothes off after a long day. You blush at the thought of Nanami seeing you in such a state, and the look on your face and the way you avert your eyes doesn't go unnoticed by the man in front of you, trying to convince you your panties will show up again.
And they always do. Right after Nanami finishes taking real good care of them, just like he'll do to you one day. After Nanami so generously offers to take your clothes down, he sets the basket on top of the already rattling dryer and closes the door so no one walks in and sees what he's about to do. God, he doesn't know what he would do if you walked in on him like this. At first, Nanami was good about taking your panties and hauling them up to his room to worship them, but the urge to have you only grew every day, leading him to now pull his pants down and wrap your panties around his cock almost the moment he steps inside the laundry room.
Nanami hastily digs through your basket, searching for the prettiest pair of panties as his sore cock throbs against his hard zipper, begging for release. He prays you didn't notice the way his cock strained against his pants when he was convincing you you lost your panties after a long day's work, hoping the basket he held over his crotch covered most of his problem. After acquiring his target, Nanami leans back against the door with his full weight and fishes his cock from his pants, hard and dripping between his legs, a little wetness falling and making contact with the floor.
Nanami wastes no time before holding your panties up to his nose and inhaling, his hand already working furiously over his cock, wet noises, and muffled grunts getting drowned out by the rattling dryer in front of him. The 'nice' man paints generous pictures in his head of his pretty little neighbor exhausted after work, barely closing her door before stripping off her clothes in the hall, leading to her room.
He's unable to stop the groan that surfaces as he drops his head against the door and lets his eyes fall shut, wrapping the part of your panties that touches your cunt against his tip, rubbing his own wetness against yours while jerking himself off with his other hand now, legs spreading the longer he goes. He feels himself already so close to the end as he pictures your dripping body in the shower, scrubbing the day off of you. He would spend so much time helping you get clean if he had the chance. He would also make sure to spend plenty of time washing your tits, wondering how long he could get away with groping you there before you figured out he had ulterior motives for cleaning you.
Nanami pulled his lip between his teeth as he imagined your now soaked body walking out of the shower, leaving a trail of water behind you from your poor job of drying off before you plopped down onto your bed, bedroom already dim as you reached a hand between your thighs, finding that ache, that need between them that would finally relax your sore body after such a hard day.
His thrusts speed up as he vividly watches you in his mind as you push a finger between your folds, gasping in relief before you start up a quick pace, your other hand alternating between playing with your clit and rubbing your chest. It usually doesn't take Nanami long once he gets to this point, his body lurching as his bach arches with spasms, his cock kicking against your panties as he dirties the fabric even more, drenching the poor thong in his thick cum that he would much rather give you, inside you.
The guilt of his acts never ceases to go away after he finishes defiling your panties, but he ignores it the best he can, putting the now ruined panties back in the hamper before he fishes out two more to keep for himself this week. Wonder if he would feel better about his deeds if he learned that his jerk-off fantasy wasn't all that wrong and that the person you use in your own fantasies to get off is your kind, gentle, and caring neighbor.
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ponderingpathways · 2 years
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Guys. GUYS. (Also ladies and gentlethems) I did. SO MUCH. Laundry today! Just, so, so much. Out washer has been unreliable for a while so it kept getting put off until mama didn't have no normal undies left and baby was scraping the barrel for un-food stained clothes. Papa wasn't doing to hot either. (We also had a comforter that the cats had puked on a whiiiiile ago but it is too big for our washer) I loaded up several heaping bags and went to the local laundromat.
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Mega washers are the best for oversized comforters with dried cat vomit on them.
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All that (plus the dryer in the lower right) are mine. I had already folded a few bags at this point but had more to go! My feet and my lower back were VERY UPSET WITH ME by the end.
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This is it. The end. So much laundry somehow packed so it seems less so. Careful folding? Who knows? And honestly, there is far more at home that could have come with. .....I may need to do a clothing purge.
But anyway! I am starting the new year off with clean clothes and God willing, it will set me into this 2023 with my best foot forward!
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roosterforme · 4 months
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Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw Part 10 | Rooster x Reader
Summary: After just two days back home, Bradley takes you on a second date. He wants more, and you don't seem to mind when he can't keep his hands and lips to himself.
Warnings: Fluff, angst, language, Bradley being boyfriend material
Length: 5000 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female teacher!Reader
Check out my masterlist for more! Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw masterlist
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"Shit."
It had been such a long time since Bradley wore anything other than a flight suit, a khaki uniform or gym clothes, he had no idea what he was supposed to wear to dinner tonight. You mentioned weeks ago you thought Italian food sounded nice for a second date, and he agreed wholeheartedly. He managed to snag a table for the two of you at Salvatore's, and he was absolutely prepared to drop over five hundred bucks, but his clothing was becoming a situation.
After spending the entire day with you yesterday, Saturday morning was a bit of a reality check. He was trying to work through three loads of laundry while he sorted through a box of mail. There was nothing sweet in there like the packages you and your class sent to him while he was deployed. It was mostly bills that had already been automatically paid online, mortgage statements, and junk. Then he started folding laundry, somehow expecting some articles of clothing that weren't threadbare tee shirts or tropical print button downs to jump out at him.
"Why don't you have normal clothing?" he asked himself as he picked up his phone now that it was late enough to text you. He wanted to make sure you were okay with grabbing a drink before the dinner reservation which wasn't until 7:45. But when he unlocked his phone, instead of zero new messages, he found a picture you sent seven minutes ago. 
"Oh my god," he groaned softly, dropping onto his bed next to some unfolded laundry. You were in your own bed wearing his favorite sweatshirt and a bright smile.
Good morning, Handsome. Last night felt like a dream, but your sweatshirt is real, so it must have happened.
He scrambled to write back, clothing crisis forgotten. God, he wanted to be in that bed in the worst way. Things would definitely get out of hand pretty quickly, but he knew those first few kisses would be the sweetest things. After last night at the beach, waiting for a few more dates was going to be the challenge of his life, but he wanted you to know he was in this for the long haul. Especially after you mentioned that you thought he may have ghosted you.
Hey, Gorgeous. My sweatshirt looks way better on you than it ever did on me. Did you sleep in it?
He hit send and then wished he hadn't asked that question. He sounded like a horny twenty year old. It was bad enough that he had to practically beg you to go inside your apartment last night while you were kissing his neck, but he didn't want to embarrass himself.
Of course I did. It smells like you. The only thing better would be having you in my bed, too...
How the hell was he supposed to wait until this evening to see you? He tossed his phone aside. His blood felt like it was on fire, and he was sweating. Never before had he wanted to move this fast from a first date to making things official. But he knew you. He'd been working up to this point for months. And the Thai dinner with Prosecco on the beach wasn't really a first date. That felt closer to a reunion with a girlfriend than anything else. The only thing missing for that to have been true was a sleepover instead of him taking you home for the night. 
He was too many steps ahead right now. You hadn't yet done the drive down to Coronado from Mira Mesa for yourself, but he already caught himself wondering if you'd consider moving in with him in the future. "You need to relax," he ground out through gritted teeth. "You'll scare her away." He cracked his neck and forced himself to fold a stack of underwear before picking up his phone to reply.
I don't want to rush things, but your bed does look very comfortable. I'm confident we could get cozy there... You're making me blush. I need to get this conversation back on track. Cocktails before dinner at Salvatore's? I'll pick you up at 5:30?
A few minutes later, you responded with a photo of you still all snuggled up in bed, smiling and giving him a thumbs up in his shirt.
--------------------------
"Just in case," you muttered, making sure your bedding was straightened and your room was tidy. You left Bradley's TOP GUN sweatshirt folded on your pillow, but you certainly wouldn't mind having the man himself in your bed tonight. Your fingers and toes tingled when you thought about it. You bit your lip and scooped up his shirt, inhaling his scent one more time before you realized he would be here any minute.
When he knocked on your door, you set it back on your pillow and glanced at yourself in the mirror as you bounced past it. Cocktails and dinner at Salvatore's would have been a major splurge for a night out for you, but Bradley selected the restaurant. All you did was mention Italian food, and he really ran with it. You'd have been happy with some pizza and breadsticks, simply excited he remembered you mentioned Italian food at all, but this called for your littlest black dress and your brightest red lipstick. 
"I'm coming!" you called, going as fast as you could in your black heels, giggling at the double meaning. You had to compose yourself before you could open the door, and when you did, you were met with the actual man of your dreams.
"Hey, Gorgeous." Bradley's crooked little smile faltered a bit as his gaze slid down from your eyes to your lips, but he didn't stop there. He was shamelessly checking you out as a pretty shade of pink crept up into his cheeks, and you did a slow turn for him. 
Your skin felt warm as you met his eyes after doing a full circle. His lips were parted as you whispered, "Hi," and reached for his hand. As soon as your skin met his, he pulled you closer to him. "Bradley." His lips were on yours as he backed you up into your apartment until you softly met the wall behind you. He was big and warm, and you were holding his left hand while his right one came up to your face.
He broke the kiss by tipping your chin up so you were looking at him. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he crooned softly. Your lipstick was smudged along his mouth, and his tongue darted out to taste it before he said, "I'm fucking crazy about you."
His rough thumb dragged along your bottom lip as you said, "And you've never even seen me dispose of a spider for you."
"Baby," he rasped. "I'd probably propose."
A shocked giggle escaped you, and his crooked grin was back as he kept you there against your wall with your door wide open. You reached up and ran your fingers along the collar of his oxford shirt before tugging on the fabric until his lips were on yours again. You let your head tip back against the wall as he devoured you, tasting your lips, tongue and teeth before his forehead came to rest gently on yours.
"You know," you gasped, trying to catch your breath, "I thought all your emails were sweet and romantic."
He chuckled as he pulled away from you. "I was hoping I was doing okay in person, too."
You shrugged playfully and tried to spin out of his grasp, but his hand was still wrapped up in yours. He followed you to your coffee table so you could grab your purse as you casually told him, "You're even better in person than I thought you'd be."
"Oh yeah?" he asked, pulling you close again. "You like my stupid looking clothes and how I can eat three meals for dinner?"
He was so endearing, you didn't know how to handle him. So you kissed him again and whispered, "I like all of it." You let your fingers trail along his shirt buttons as you said, "You look nice in this, but I can already tell you're more comfortable in your colorful Aloha shirts and jeans. And I love that you can eat three meals for dinner, because we ended up sharing everything last night."
"Let's go," he coaxed, leading you toward your door. "I'll let you pick whatever you want to try at Salvatore's. I don't usually like sharing my food, but there's just something about you, Gorgeous. You make me feel comfortable."
-------------------------
You tried to tell Bradley twice that he still had some of your lipstick smudged on his face, but he just shrugged and said, "Good," in response both times. If he didn't mind, then neither did you. It couldn't be any more obvious that he was with you when the exact color that was on your lips was also on his. You listened to him hum along to the retro oldies station as he merged onto the coastal highway while you took a minute to fix up your own smudged lipstick.
He grinned over at you as you put your makeup away and said, "Come on, Baby. If you didn't want it on my face, then you wouldn't be putting more on your lips."
Every time he made a bold statement like that, you wanted to cancel dinner altogether and take him to your bedroom. "I never said I didn't want it on your face. It looks good." 
He reached out blindly for your hand, and you grabbed his immediately. "You did tell me you wanted me to kiss you as soon as I saw you."
"Yeah," you muttered. "Don't stop doing that." You knew things with him were going to get physical pretty quickly, but you'd never been quite this attracted to someone before. You drew little shapes on his palm as you asked, "How was your first night back in your own bed after so many months away?"
He groaned softly. "Epic. Fantastic. I don't fit very well in an extra long twin bed."
"No, I would imagine you don't," you said with a laugh as you watched him drive his Bronco in the evening sunlight.
He licked his lips and grinned as he said, "Would have been better if you were there though."
The eruption of butterflies in your belly left you biting your lip. You wanted to respond, but you needed to be able to make it through dinner before you were hanging off of him again like you were last night. That's when he brought your hand up to his lips and kissed your knuckles, treating you to his mustache there. "Feel like getting a drink or two in the lounge first? Maybe a bottle of wine?"
"Mmhmm," you hummed, ready to go anywhere he took you. As soon as he parked, he jogged around to help you down, letting you slide against his body with your hands on his shoulders. You wobbled a bit in your shoes, but he kept you steady.
"You good?" he asked as he leaned in, his lips brushing the side of your neck as his arm wrapped around your waist.
"So good," you promised. "Never better."
Bradley kept his hand right there on your hip as he led you along the sidewalk toward the restaurant. The lounge was packed; this was definitely a popular weekend date night locale. Couples filled the space with noisy conversation, but you could hear Bradley perfectly as his lips found your ear when he said, "There's an empty stool at the far end of the bar." He gave your hip a little squeeze as you headed for it, and he leaned on the bar next to you. "Why don't you pick out a bottle of wine or whatever you want? I'll go let the hostess know we'll be hanging out in the lounge."
When you agreed, he kissed your lips like the two of you had been at this for years, not just since yesterday. You weren't the only one who watched him walk away in his snug pants and Oxford shirt that somehow showed off his biceps. He was just that good looking. When you saw him without a shirt on, you'd probably faint and need him to revive you. When the bartender came over, you were chuckling to yourself at the idea of having sex with Bradley while he kept his shirt on to save you from that fate.
"Can I get you a drink?"
You looked at him in a daze, realizing you meant to choose a bottle of wine. You blurted out what kind you liked best, and with a nod and a smile, he turned to fill your request. And that's when you finally looked at the menu and realized the bottle was more than a hundred and fifty dollars.
"Oh shit." But it was too late. He had already opened it and was heading your way with it. You scrambled in your purse for your wallet, cringing at the idea of Bradley seeing the bill when you could have simply ordered a cocktail instead. Just as the bartender was pouring out a bit of the wine for you to try, you found your credit card successfully. And that was also when Bradley came back.
"They'll come get us when our table's ready," he said. "I told them it would be easy to find me since my date is the most beautiful woman in the restaurant." He watched the bartender pick up a second glass and said, "Oh perfect, you found some wine that you like."
You nodded and tried your best to pass your credit card across the bar undetected with your hand covering it. "I sure did."
Bradley's eyes followed your hand as he took a sip of the wine. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," you told him, picking up your own glass with your other hand. You tasted the wine and nodded at the bartender, and then he filled up both glasses while Bradley reached for your credit card.
"That's not necessary, Gorgeous. You can put that away."
You waited until the bartender walked off before you shook your head. "Let me pay for the wine. I was distracted and just picked a random bottle before I looked at the price, and then it was too late because he already had it opened. It's expensive."
Bradley looked completely unfazed as he eased your card from your hand and tucked it back into your wallet. "I don't care about that."
"I do," you said softly in your embarrassment. "I don't want you to think that's what I expected."
Bradley laughed in response. "First of all, I would never think that. And second, I was on that aircraft carrier for so long, and this wine tastes so good, and you look so pretty... I don't even want to tell you how much I'd be willing to pay for that bottle of wine and our dinner."
You simultaneously felt better and a little warm. "Okay, fine. But next time we go out for dinner, we're getting burgers from In-N-Out, and I'm paying."
His smile grew as you sipped your wine which really was quite good. "So that means you want to go out again?"
You rolled your eyes up at him where he stood, his hand brushing your knee where it was crossed over your other leg. "I'm about to make an In-N-Out reservation right now."
"Perfect," he replied. "Which night? I have to work late a few days next week to get caught up on everything I missed while I was away."
"You're ridiculous," you told him with a laugh. "How about Wednesday?"
His fingers toyed with the hem of your dress as he said, "Wednesday's good. You also need to let me know when I can visit your classroom again." His words were so sweet, and his gaze was sincere, but the feel of his fingertips inching along your skin above your knee was something else. 
You set your glass down next to your purse and reached for his hand, letting his fingers slip underneath your dress as you met his brown eyes. When he teased your skin with his rough hands, you reached for his shirt, and Bradley came willingly. Salvatore's didn't provide the two of you with the same level of privacy as the beach last night had, but you didn't really care, and he didn't seem to either.
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You had the softest skin. How was he supposed to keep his hands off you? And that red lipstick made your little pout when he teased you even more delectable than he could have imagined. And he'd been doing plenty of imagining for the last few months. He'd imagined you in a variety of scenarios with him, but so far being with you in person surpassed everything his vivid thoughts came up with.
When he mentioned visiting you at work, you treated him to the silky soft feel of your skin, and then you literally grabbed the front of his shirt and tugged until he was kissing you. Oh god, he was never going to recover from this. He had to wrap his hand around the middle of your thigh to keep himself from going any further as you moaned softly into his mouth. He was absolutely starving and a little dizzy from the wine, but he was thinking about skipping dinner in favor of the solitude of the Bronco right now.
"Mr. Bradshaw?"
Your tongue was slowly tasting his when you jerked away from him as the hostess strolled over. Embarrassed, you turned toward the bar as Bradley grunted in response at the young woman who told him the table was ready for the two of you. And maybe that wasn't a bad thing, because feeling you up in the middle of the crowded lounge wasn't something he'd feel good about later. At least not on the second date. He'd bring you back here in a few months and see if the two of you even made it to dinner.
With a smile, he reached for your free hand after you picked up your glass. You halfway hid your face against his bicep as the hostess picked up the bottle and led the way through the lounge and into the restaurant. Bradley kissed your forehead and murmured, "If I could keep my hands off of you, this wouldn't be a problem."
You peered up at him through your lashes. "Hanging out on your couch alone is sounding better and better."
"Fuck," he groaned softly as you released his hand and took a seat at the table set for two which was overlooking the bay. Bradley pushed your chair in, and his thumbs met your bare arms. He took a few deep breaths before taking the seat opposite yours and accepted one of the menus as he listened to the specials while he looked at your face. He muttered some sort of response, and then the two of you were alone.
You emptied the remainder of the wine between his glass and yours, and then Bradley watched you lick a little droplet from your thumb as you smiled at him. "So which three dinners are you planning on ordering tonight?"
It took him a second to realize that he was holding an open menu even though he hadn't looked at it once. He cleared his throat and said, "Definitely some homemade spaghetti and meatballs. The last time I ate spaghetti, it was overcooked and sad, and I had to go back to my bunk and think about you to make myself feel better." You covered your mouth with one hand while you laughed, and it was the most charming thing he'd ever seen. "I'm so serious, Gorgeous. I got a plate of soggy noodles, and literally the only thing that made it better was imagining you teaching your class about military grade jets and aviation."
Your pretty eyes were glittering as you told him, "I keep extending my lessons on the topic, and you are completely to blame for that. After the first time you responded to us, my students asked about you every single day. They are completely enamored with you."
"Yeah? Just them? Or you too?" He knew his words were reminiscent of the way you'd tried to blame it on your kids when you asked him to send you a picture so you could see what he looked like.
"Hmm." You pretended to peruse your menu. "I'm thinking about the ravioli. Or maybe the penne with vodka sauce." Your foot tapped his leg beneath the table, and he had to fight the urge to reach under and touch your skin again. You were teasing him in every way right now, and he was absolutely loving it. When the waiter dropped off glasses of water and some freshly baked bread, he asked if you wanted anything else to drink.
"You want another bottle of wine, Gorgeous?" Bradley asked, deciding to tease you right back.
"Absolutely not," you told him, looking at him like he had two heads before kindly telling the waiter, "No, thank you."
He was still laughing when he picked up a piece of bread. "So we'll get spaghetti, penne and ravioli?"
"You don't have to order what I want," you told him, your foot still running along his calf while your expression dripped with innocence.
"No. I want to though." It was kind of fun spoiling you with something as simple as dinner. Vanessa would have made a comment by now about how much she hated the slightly kitschy, over the top restaurant, even if the food was supposed to be immaculate. You didn't seem to mind one bit that he ordered three massive entrees and intended to finish whatever you didn't. Vanessa always got embarrassed, but all you said was that you were excited to try all three.
There was never a lull in conversation. You actually listened to Bradley when he was talking, and he could have listened to you all night.
"So you know how last night I mentioned... that I'd never really thought about dating someone in the military who deploys for work?"
"Yeah," Bradley rasped, not sure he loved where the conversation was heading.
You looked a little apprehensive as you said, "I was thinking about it more last night after you dropped me off." 
"And?"
You kind of shrugged and said, "I think I'd actually be okay with it, as long as it's you. It almost feels like we got some big, scary thing out of the way already, you know? And I could always write to you, because I kind of loved doing that. And yes, Bradley, I am also completely enamored with you."
It was almost a shame that the food arrived then, because as you started to cut into an enormous ravioli, all he could think to say was, "I'm completely enamored with you, too."
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You were so full from dinner, you didn't know how Bradley could walk. He ate at least two times what you did, and then he insisted on ordering a piece of cheesecake. When you caught sight of the bill, you tried not to gasp, because it was more than you spend on groceries for a whole month. But he handed over his credit card and signed his name without even breaking conversation with you. And now you were discreetly grabbing a handful of mints on your way out of the restaurant as he held your hand.
It was late, and you knew he was still tired. He mentioned briefly that he had a lot of chores to do this week amidst some late nights at work, but you didn't know how you'd be able to wait until Wednesday to see him again. When he started up the Bronco and headed in the direction of your apartment, your mind flooded with questions, but he asked you one first.
"I already have plans tomorrow, but I don't think I can wait until Wednesday to see you again. What time do you usually get to school?"
"7:20."
"Okay. And what kind of coffee do you like?"
You couldn't stop smiling as you told him what you usually ordered on the rare occasion you had time to stop at Starbucks. You kind of already felt like he was spoiling you.
"Have you memorized everything I've ever told you?"
"Yep," he replied, his handsome smile evident in the street lights. "And I've gotta say, you're one of a kind, Gorgeous."
You honestly didn't want the ride to end. The fact that there was no buffer of traffic to add to the twenty minute drive made you pout a little bit. Bradley's deep voice layered over the music playing on the radio while he held your hand was intoxicating, but you made a disappointed sound as he parked in front of your building.
When he released your hand to kill the engine in the near darkness, all you could see was his handsome profile. "You thought the drive would be too much for me," you whispered. "But when I'm in the car with you, I don't want it to end."
He cleared his throat and softly said, "Well, we don't have to get out quite yet if you don't want to."
Your pout turned into a grin as you unbuckled your seatbelt. "I can tell you still need to catch up on some sleep. I don't want to keep you out too late, Bradley."
He chuckled and undid his own seatbelt. "Why don't you come a little closer and say my name again."
As you eased yourself onto your hands and knees, you scooted across the seat and whispered, "Bradley," with a little laugh.
"Closer?" he asked, and you crawled over to him until you were able to kiss his cheek.
"Bradley."
He turned his head so his lips met yours, and he whispered, "Closer," against your mouth.
You were immediately in his lap, your hands resting on his chest as the steering wheel met your lower back. Your lips found his scarred cheek just like last night, and you kissed your way along his mustache and the side of his nose. You let your hands drift slowly down over his abs until they met the leather of his belt, and you whispered his name one more time.
His big hands closed around your wrists as he groaned, "You really love teasing me."
You nodded and said, "I really do," as he guided your hands up to his shoulders and around his neck.
"You're really good at it, Baby. All those pictures of you in your bed are enough to get a man through a deployment and then promptly kill him once he's on dry land if he can't touch you immediately."
He kissed the inside of your arm, and you scooted your body a little closer to his. "You can touch me." Your words elicited a deep groan as he slid his big hands along your bare arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He kissed your lips, swiping his tongue against yours as his fingers trailed down your sides. You almost cried out when his thumbs grazed the sides of your breasts before he gently squeezed your waist and your hips.
You could invite him to stay over. You didn't think he'd turn you down if you did. But all you could manage to say was, "Bradley," between kisses.
He tipped his head back against the headrest and whispered, "I love the way that sounds." His eyes were glittering in the darkness as he looked at your face and your body, and you remembered his text message from earlier.
I don't want to rush things
It was hard for you to remember that yesterday in your classroom was the first time you touched him. The first time you heard his voice in person. As much as you wanted to lean in close and ask him to stay, instead you kissed his ear and said, "You promised me movie night on your couch. When?"
"Friday?" he asked, kissing along your neck. "Let me end the week with my Gorgeous girl?"
"Yes."
You were afraid you were going to melt right out onto the pavement when he opened his door, but he helped you down and kept his arm wrapped around you. Bradley walked a half step behind you in the darkness all the way to your apartment. While there was no expectation that he was going to join you inside, you ended up pinned against your door, because it didn't seem like he was quite ready to leave yet either. 
He was eager. You could feel it as his lips found your neck again. He smiled against you as he whispered your name in that deep raspy voice. "Since you don't like surprises, I'm telling you right now that you should expect to see me in the parking lot at your school on Monday morning. Sound okay?"
"Oh god, yes," you whined as he released you. There were so many things you wanted to tell him as he put a foot of space between your bodies, really giving you a chance to see his pink cheeks and the way he was breathing deeply. You blurted out, "I'm falling so hard for you."
His crooked little grin was back as he nodded at your door. "Lock it behind you. And when you get in bed, in my sweatshirt, send me another selfie."
"I will," you promised, and you did exactly what he said. A minute after you texted the photo, you got a message back from him.
I think I'm falling even harder.
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I'm so obsessed with them. She was so concerned about that bottle of wine! And he really wasn't lol. Coffee and burgers and a couch date coming up. This story will be 18+ soon. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls
PART 11
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bitchimasnake-sss · 10 months
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im sorry for this one guys (may god help me repent for my sins)
stepbro! luffy, zoro, sanji x fem!reader
in which you'e living out a fucked-up fantasy
warnings: very taboo subject, porn without plot, please dont read if uncomfortable!!!, the guys are lowkey toxic (sorry again), penetration, doin' it raw (use protection plz), oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), derogatory, literally uses porn logic im sorry; MDNI (this is for the best i promise)
luffy:
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"lu-luffy" the gasp turns into a choked moan as the man in front of you drills into you harder, his fingers digging into your cheek absentmindedly. his words are a whisper, as if he gives two shits about getting caught. liar, if he cared about getting caught fucking you, he wouldn't have walked into your room at 2 in the morning when your parents are one room down the hall, and practically kissed you till you were pulling his pants down and begging him to fuck you. "what's wrong?" he pants, laughing out a bit. almost mocking you, "gon' cum on my dick again, yn? am i doing that good huh?" your words are an incohorent jamble, just a rough selection of pretty moans, groans and broken cries of his pretty name. "j-just like that. ngh, fuck. fuckin' take it" he thrusts, his cock stretching your cunt as he slams hard against you again and again. your eyes are closing fast, teeth sinking down on your bottom lip as you feel your body convulse, being flooded by the oncoming orgasm. "eyes on me" he flashes you a cocky delirious smile as his cock buries deeper within your cunt, filling every inch of your pussy with himself. and then he's moving faster, more erratically as if he's losing sanity by the second. "please, yn. please, please, pl-ease" he mumbles, "let me cum— inside."
zoro:
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all of your concerns of your parents walking into the living room in the middle of the night and seeing you and your older step-brother tangled together had flew out the second you felt him against your cunt.
and then, with another particularly harsh kiss against the bundle on nerves, you came. thighs shaking, eyes closed and back arching off his mattress. you came hard.
your hands pulled at the familiar green locks, tugging and tugging as you feel kitten licks against your overstimulated clit. his tongue played with your core with practiced ease; going up and down, sideways and in circles till your hips were bucking up wildly and your hand was pushing him down harder against your cunt. "zo-zoro, zoro fuck, imsofuc- fucking close" as if on cue, his actions became harsher. he alternated cruelly between sucking and softly kissing. one moment being merciful before torturing your ravaged cunt. his hums and moans against your cunt deepened the coil in your stomach till it was all you can feel— in your blood-stream, against your skin, in the back of your skull.
all you knew and felt was roronoa zoro.
sanji:
but his tongue was still lapping up against your folds, unyielding. stroking the nub up and down, tongue slipping into your leaking entrance swiftly, humming as you squirm and force his face away.
your fingers were pulling deftly against his scalp, tugging till it pained him enough to stop. but instead, as retaliation, he curled his biceps against your thigh, burying his face harder against your aching cunt. "zo-zoro, no please please, no" you whined, arching into his touch as he continued his assault against your core, "it's too sen-sitive, please." his head lifted for just a moment, lips drenched in your essence and a cocky grin plastered onto every inch of his face. his bottom lip jut out, "aww too much?" you nod frantically and he smirked, a self satisfying smile of some sorts.
"too bad im having the time of my life." one of his arms reached upwards, putting two fingers in your mouth, "how bout you shut up and take it?"
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"yn, love" he whines when your hands skim over his pants for the millionth time this evening, "we're supposed to do laundry, quit teasin'." you were supposed to be doing laundry and he was supposed to be helping you out. but somehow, cramped inside that small room, behind those closed doors your lips had come to ghost over his and his hands fleetingly touched your waist. "what?" you giggled, teasing him through his sweats again, "i thought i could repay you for the favor last night." "really?" he corks up an eyebrow, his fingers finding peace against your cheeks, "get down on your knees then" "but what if your mom walked in-" "as if a whore like you fucking cares. knees, now." you flashed him a light smile, getting down till you were face to face with his erection. your fingers swiftly pulled his sweats down and you looked up at him doe-eyed when his cock hit against your lips with a salty, lingering taste. his large palm against the back of your head guided you till you were taking in his dick, sucking intently on every inch. "fuck, darlin', just like that. yn fuu-fuck", he moaned as you swirled your tongue on his tip, then tracing over the light vein imprints. when he bucked his hips into your mouth harder and pushed you in deeper, you hummed against him, choking at the sudden intrusion. continuing your movements till you felt your jaw go slack, you heard his ragged breathing before he whispered a faint, "fuck i'm gunna cum, sh-shit" with a bit of his essence dripping off your chin, you look up at your step-brother. his gaze intertwined with lust, he gives you a smirk, "good fuckin' girl"
a/n: supposed to be on hiatus but who cares at this point, hope you like it
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noirflms · 5 months
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THE HOUSEHUSBAND LIFE — hq men
haikyuu men as househusbands. or haikyuu men who’d be good househusbands in general.
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— ୨୧ ˖ ˚ AKAASHI KEIJI !
he is the one who keeps track of finance in the house , keeps track of how much you should spend even if you get a six-sum salary and love spending it on him even if he doesn't like it because he wants you to save for the future.
he also pretty much cooks all sorts of dishes and morning tea made by him is served to you in bed , he is just the best. buys groceries when you're out to work , keeps the house neat and clean — it's a penthouse so it's not much work as it's not that dirty all the time — keeps track of your health and if you're pretty much not skipping breakfast or lunch cuz he's there to spoon feed you at dinner.
he's not much fan of laundry just knows he has to fold it and keep it neatly in your shared closet and is pretty much a the best husband of all ( according to your mother ).
— ୨୧ ˖ ˚ SUGAWARA KOUSHI !
he is that type of house-husband who actually takes care of the loundry more than cooking and cleaning but still cleans the house just the way you like it — organized and neatly done. he doesn't step in the kitchen for he knows he might burn whatever he cooks so you don't let him step in there , it's either you come home and cook but if your tired , it's take out time!
whenever he does laundry he has a habit of smelling the clothes before folding for he like the smell of the detergent you use and the clothing softener should be if the best company because that is kinda professional when you go to work wearing soft and clean clothes.
dusts around the house with music playing in the background and does all the cleaning while blasting Oliva Rodrigo on the amazon echo you brought so he won't have to go on connecting his phone to the Bluetooth other than that he is just the best husband you could ask for.
— ୨୧ ˖ ˚ KITA SHINSUKE !
he is the package , can cook , cleans , does laundry , keeps track of all budgets and savings , knows every nook and cranny of the house and is happy being a house-husband for you. kita buys the best clothing softener and detergent , is a man of his words for if he promises breakfast in bed for you then you get it.
he sets up the house according to a taste that suits him and you like almsot all the time after seeing it on pinterest — yes HE HAS PINTEREST and you can't change my mind — cooks the best meals like you're in heaven to be eating such delicious meals , laundry is done and the house smells like lavander and you don't know how he does that and he keep it a secret ( it's just him using scented house cleaning stuff ).
grocery shopping is done with you because it's to lonely for him to go out so it's shopping time on the weekends , he is like a stay at home mum but you love him and for god sake who wouldn't want a man like KITA SHINSUKE.
— ୨୧ ˖ ˚ YAMAGUCHI TADASHI !
you enter the house with the smell of the most delicious food being cooked and when I say delicious , it's over the top delicious. he loves cooking so much that he forgets he has to clean as well and do laundry. yamaguchi almost does everything before stepping into the kitchen and prepare a bento for you in the early morning with starting to think for dinner — even though lunch is not even thought out yet — and what to be baked when your home.
it may not seem like but he has a passion for baking good for you.
he blasts playlist made for him by you and tsukki , and does the cleaning and laundry because sometimes it's to lonely in the house , he keeps track of time and when you're gonna come so he could prepare a bubble bath and then start with the cooking so you could have been relaxed and come eat with him.
when it's a weekend , he wakes up late but the breakfast is in his hands to be cooked , and in the evening it's time for him and you to have a baking session and you cherish this baby more than anything.
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NOIRFLMS 2024 ! all rights reserved - plagiarism is a crime , do not translate my works without permission.
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jeanboyjean · 6 months
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BIRTHDAY GIFT - ft jean kirstein. nsfw.
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a/n: it's still the 7th somewhere right?? guys i grinded so hard to get this done but i did it!!! i hope this means my writing block is over D: idk why i made this angsty to start with but i promise it gets cute at the end. i picture this being kind of earlier on in the relo when ur still figuring each other out. HAPPY BDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!
cw: mdni. fem/afab reader. established relationship (break up), getting back together sex, piv, sappy? missionary, creampie, idiots in love. pet name: baby. jean is so boyfriend i want to cry.
wc: 3.5k
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Your bedroom was a mess. 
You heaved a big sigh to yourself as you stood in your doorway and took a look around. Various articles of clothing were scattered everywhere… a shirt slung over the back of a chair, jackets stacked on top of each other on the foot of your bed, worn socks littered around on the floor. A basket of clean laundry you hadn’t bothered to fold and put away sat on the carpet and next to it was a pile of dirty clothes that was waiting to be washed. It was a true reflection of the state of your mind over the past few weeks after your break up with Jean. There was no good way to spin it - you were a complete and utter mess. 
The end of your relationship was the last thing you had expected when you had gone over to his place that day, but one thing had led to another and you had both said things you couldn’t take back. Now here you were... alone and missing him and miserable. You didn't know how long was acceptable to be crying over someone - after all, Jean was your first and only boyfriend. What you did know though was that the pain of losing him was far too fresh in your heart and you were nowhere close to being over him in the slightest.
It hurt even more because you knew he was doing so much better than you. One look at his instagram revealed more than you wanted to know. It seemed he was perfectly happy hanging out with his friends and now that he had deleted all of his photos of you, his comments were filled with girls who had been hiding in the bushes, waiting for the right moment to pounce. Meanwhile, you hadn’t taken down a single post because you couldn’t bear the thought of losing all of the memories you had together. To be honest, you couldn’t blame them - he was a catch after all. Too bad you had let him slip out of your fingertips.
With all the energy you could muster, you dragged yourself to your wardrobe and hauled open the doors. You needed to snap out of this. If he could move on, then why couldn’t you? You were better than this, damn it! Your vision flashed red as you angrily tipped out the clean laundry onto your bed and began folding it. You were going to do whatever it took to get over him and live your best life. That would show him! 
A petty fire fueled you as you imagined every scenario where you could rub it in his face that you were doing perfectly fine without him, but it was snuffed out in an instant when you reached into your closet to hang a shirt and your fingers brushed against a familiar soft fabric. Your hand stilled and your heart seized as you looked at the hoodie tucked away in the corner. You had shoved it away the night of your break up when you realised you had gone home wearing it and hadn’t had the heart to do anything about it since. Tears burned behind your eyes and your vision began to blur as you pulled it out and clutched it to your chest. No matter what you told yourself, you still loved him and the thought of moving on just made you want him back even more. You buried your face into the jersey and sobbed as you breathed in the faint scent of his cologne and clung onto the memory of him. 
If only you knew that Jean was doing a lot worse than you thought. 
It may have seemed like he was having the time of his life, but truthfully he was one bad moment away from honest to god ending it all. If it hadn’t been for Connie, he would have done what he really wanted to do and stayed in bed all day to wallow in his misery. Unfortunately, his friend would not let him rest and insisted on dragging him out whenever he could. 
Jean supposed he should be grateful that he had someone who was looking out for him and making sure he wasn’t drinking himself to death on his own. In fact, Connie had been the one to tell Jean to archive all of his photos with you and block your number after a close call one night when he’d had a little too much to drink and you had been ever present in his mind. It was just one more reminder that you were no longer his and it wrecked him, but he had followed through and he was trying to move on because isn’t that what you wanted? 
Over the weeks, he had replayed your last conversation over and over, trying to find the moment when everything had gone awry but there was no way to reason it. Every day without you was a day he wished he didn’t have to live. How could he move on when you were everything to him? All he wanted to do was to call you and see how you were doing, but he couldn’t do that to you. You hated him, you had said as much and you wanted nothing more to do with him. He was probably the last person you wanted to see. 
His phone dinged on the coffee table in front of him as he slumped into the couch, staring blankly at the TV screen in front of him. He picked it up and took a quick glance at the screen before tossing it to the side. Yet another notification, a message from someone but not the person he was hoping to hear from. It was pathetic the way he was still holding out hope, but he had thought that maybe, you would have reached out today. It was his birthday after all… but it was radio silence just as it had been for almost a month.
A knock on his door made his ears perk up. He frowned as he got up from the couch, smoothing down his shirt and ruffling a hand to fix his hair. He wasn’t expecting any visitors today, especially since he had specifically requested a quiet day for his birthday. Trust Connie though, he was probably here to pester him into going out and doing something “fun!” and “distracting!”. 
“I told you, man. I don’t want to do anything today,” Jean grumbled as he swung open his door with a roll of his eyes. “I just want to stay inside and -” 
His voice trailed off into a choked silence when his eyes met yours. You stood frozen in front of him, your eyes wide and your arms wrapped tight around yourself protectively. Jean’s mouth hung open in shock as he stared at you, unsure if you were real or just an apparition from his dreams. His eyes darted up and down at your form, blinking quickly a few times to clear his vision. As the realisation that you were actually in front of him sank in, he took in your appearance. Your shoulders were hunched up towards your ears, your hair a little messy and your eyelids puffy and tinged just a little red. Truthfully, you had looked better. And yet, his chest constricted and his heart clenched, because you were still the best thing he had ever seen. 
Your arms tightened as you shifted uncomfortably on your feet. His eyes snapped to the material you were gripping close to your front. That was... his hoodie. Time seemed to slow down as his vision tunnelled to just you in front of him, standing at his door, holding his clothes. 
“What are you doing here?” His voice was rough and low with emotion and he cleared his throat, swallowing thickly. 
You tried to look anywhere but at his face and instead watched his throat bob as your heart hammered in your chest. This was a mistake. Seeing him was too much, you should have known you weren’t ready. Just the sight of him was enough to make you weak and you willed the tears to stay at bay as you stared a hole into the door behind him. Your hands shook as you thrust your arms out, shoving his hoodie into his chest. 
“I came to give you this.” The words tumbled out of your mouth in a hurry and you clamped your lips shut as a lump lodged itself in your throat.
His hands reached up slowly to take the item and his fingers brushed against yours ever so slightly. The contact was enough to make you want to flinch but you tried not to let it show as you let go and dropped your arms to your side. Of course, Jean noticed but he chose not to say anything. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed at you, his knuckles turning white as his hands balled into the fabric. The silence was louder than ever as the two of you stood at his door, neither of you sure of where to go from there. 
You rocked back on your heels and cleared your throat. Your now empty arms hugged around yourself, resisting the urge to itch at your skin that was crawling from the overwhelming emotions of seeing Jean. Heat flooded your cheeks when you chanced a glance at his face and your eyes locked together, his expression unreadable and gaze heavy with unsaid words. 
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have come,” you said thickly as the tears threatened to fall again. 
You whirled around to leave but only managed a step away before you were stopped by Jean’s hand. His fingers wrapped around your wrist and he tugged tight, pulling you back toward him. The air in your lungs left you in a shocked gasp and your surroundings blurred as you spun around to face him. In one quick motion, his hands fell to your waist before you could lose your balance and yours planted on his chest as you caught your breath. His eyes bore into yours, swimming with emotion and now that you were really looking at him, you could see the red rims and the dark shadows that surrounded them. It had obviously been a while since he had last shaved, judging by the scruffy facial hair he had grown since you last saw him. It made you wonder if maybe he wasn’t doing as well as you had thought.
Or maybe he’d just had a few too many late nights out. 
The thought jerked you back into reality and you shook your head as you pushed against his chest. It was to no avail - you might as well have been trying to push away a cement wall. His hands held you firm in front of him, his fingers digging hard into your skin. 
“Why are you leaving?” 
You blinked hard. How could he ask that when he was the reason why you had to leave in the first place?
“Stay.” His arms snaked around your back and tightened until you were forced to take a step forward. “Don’t go.”
You shook your head again. His shirt crumpled in your hands as you clenched them into tight fists. You attempted to push against him again but your strength was starting to fail you. 
“Why should I stay?” You snapped, but there was none of the malice you hoped for. 
It was a loaded question and your shaking words sliced through like an arrow to strike into in his heart. His mind raced as he scrambled to find the right answer. Because he needed you. Because he couldn’t live without you. Because losing you would be the biggest mistake he ever made. Because, because, because… 
“I miss you,” was all he could manage. As soon as he uttered the words, he knew they were the wrong thing to say, confirmed by your humourless laugh in response, but it was the truth and he could barely find the words to string a sentence together at this moment. 
“Yeah, sure,” you snorted. “Let me go, Jean. You’re the one that wanted us to break up in the first place.” 
The world tilted on its axis around him and he could feel the bile rising in his throat. Was that true? 
“Please… I’m sorry. I miss you and I never meant for it to get like this.” He blinked hard as his vision began to blur. The desperation was clear in his tone. “I’m so sorry. Please, take me back.” 
You watched as the tears fell from his eyes and slipped down his cheeks. As if moving by instinct, you released his shirt and cupped his face, wiping his damp skin with your thumbs. His eyelids fluttered shut as he inhaled deeply and he dipped his head to press his forehead against yours. The ice in your heart thawed with each tear that he shed - curse him and his stupid face. You would always be weak when it came to him. 
He pulled you in even closer with his arms until your body was pressed flush against his and the heat between you was enough for the dam to break and you were moving without even thinking about it. You tugged his face down and his lips crashed into yours which parted instinctively and then he was kissing you as if it was the last thing he would do on earth.
His hands slid up your back until he was cradling your head at the nape of your neck. His tongue slipped between your lips, finally savouring your taste after the weeks apart. He kissed you fervently, each press of his lips against yours an apology and a promise that he intended to keep. In the back of your mind, you registered the click of the door shutting behind you as he led you into his home and guided you towards his room. 
The back of your legs hit the edge of his bed and you parted for a moment as you fell back onto the mattress. Jean gazed down at you with the kind of heavy lidded look someone might call hungry, predatory even. His eyes burned into yours and you glanced away quickly with a gulp. As much as you wanted this, the time apart and the tension was making you more nervous than you had ever been in his presence. What if it wasn’t as good as it had been in the past? What if you weren’t good enough anymore?
“Jean…” 
His name slipped from your lips, a little breathless and unsure, but all uncertainty died out in an instant when he reached behind his neck and pulled his shirt off with a flourish, revealing his toned torso. Desire coursed through your body, heat flooding from your core to rise to your cheeks and pool between your legs. He wasted no time in climbing onto the bed and guiding you back until you were laying on your back with him pressed on top of you. His weight kept you pinned down as his lips met yours again. This time, he let his hands roam over you, sliding under your shirt to palm at your skin. You gasped into his mouth as he cupped your breast with one hand and pinched a nipple with his fingers. 
“Take off your shirt,” he mumbled hazily. He peppered soft kisses along your jaw before pulling away. “I need to see you. Please.” 
You hastily removed your shirt with his guidance and since it was clear where this was heading, you slipped your pants and underwear down and kicked them off the bed. Jean’s eyes flashed his delight and he groaned as he took in the sight of you finally naked underneath him. His hands trailed down your body, skimming over your soft dips and curves, tracing your skin as if wanting to commit it all to memory.  
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “I can’t believe I almost lost you. So fucking stupid.”
You reached up to his face and yanked him down in another kiss. Heat blazed within you and you ached to feel him in every way you had before. You could reminisce another time, right now you needed him, all of him.
“You’re stupid,” you replied as you caught your breath. “But that’s why I love you.” 
His movements stilled at your words. His eyes shone as his lips stretched in a full grin. “I love you too… so much. I love you so much it hurts.” 
You giggled softly. “Show me then,” you urged and he smirked in response. 
“Needy much?”
He savoured every moment as he kissed down your neck, sucking into the soft flesh. A hand slid along your thigh to cup your aching pussy and the feeling of your heat had his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He sucked in a breath as he slipped a finger between your folds, feeling the wetness gather. 
“You’re so wet, baby. Did you miss me that much?” He chuckled lowly, eyes dark with lust as he watched his fingers slide against your entrance. 
You whined in response, desperate to feel more of him. “Fuck you, Jean. Bet you missed me more.” 
He snorted and plunged two fingers inside you instead of replying. Your back arched and you moaned in delight at the sudden intrusion. The heat in your core began building even more as he fucked you with his fingers, just the way he knew you liked. 
“Oh, I missed this so much. I love you, I love you.” The words spilled out of him as you moaned in pleasure. “Are you ready for me baby? I want to fuck you so bad.” 
You nodded eagerly, fingernails digging into his bed sheets as you spread your legs further in anticipation. Never had you been more ready than now and your mouth watered as you watched him shuck off his pants and free his heavy cock. He leaned his weight on one hand while he used the other to line himself up and enter you slowly. Despite the urgency you were both feeling, neither of you wanted to rush this. You relished in the feeling of him filling you up inch by inch, stretching you open, moulding your insides to fit perfectly around him and his breathing quickened and his hips stuttered as he bottomed out. 
“Oh god, you feel just as good as I remembered,” he groaned as he began to thrust his hips. His pace began to build and you wrapped your legs around his waist while he lifted your hips up to deepen the angle. His cock slid in and out steadily, the tip hitting the sensitive bundle of nerves inside your walls with every stroke. “Actually no, this is so much better than I remember,” he corrected himself. “So much better. So good, so good.” He was rambling now, the pleasure of being inside you the exact drug he needed to loosen his tongue. “I’m sorry for everything I said. I love you so much. I’m never going to let you go.” 
You struggled to find the words to form a coherent sentence, your mind too clouded with lust. Instead, you chanted his name as his hips snapped into you relentlessly. You were tumbling toward your release and the building pleasure was almost too much to bear. He reached a hand between you and your walls clenched in response, sucking him in even more as he rubbed at your clit.  
“Fuck, you’re squeezing me so tight, baby. I’m not gonna last much longer. Are you close? You gonna cum with me?” 
You cried out as he drove into you harder. A fever burned within you; only Jean could make you feel this way.  “I’m gonna cum!” 
He dipped his head down to press his lips onto your forehead as he neared his own orgasm. “Okay fuck. Come on then. Cum with me, baby.”
Your vision went white and your mind blanked out as your body flooded with pleasure. Your fingernails dug into his back as you hurtled over the edge and you pulsed around him, milking him for all he could give you. He hissed out curses in response as he thrust into you hard and his hips jerked as he came too. He spilled inside you and his cock twitched as he fucked his cum into you deeper, not wanting to waste a single drop, before he pulled out slowly. The primal urge to claim you as his was too much to ignore.
Jean tumbled onto the bed next to you, his legs still laying over yours as the two of you panted heavily. His arm snaked around your waist and tugged you into his embrace, ignoring how your sweaty limbs stuck to each other. He nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck and breathed in your familiar scent. This was the home he was missing. You smiled as you brought a hand to his face and carded your fingers through his hair to sweep it away from his forehead. 
“Happy birthday, Jean,” you said softly. 
He blinked up at you sleepily. His cheeks were rosy with exertion and his eyes sparkled with joy. “You remembered?” 
“Of course I did. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”
He let out a laugh at that, the joyous sound bounced off the walls of his bedroom, the first time he had laughed so wholeheartedly in a while. It felt as if the weight of the whole world had been lifted off his shoulders. 
“Are you kidding? You’re the best gift I could ask for.” 
He turned your cheek and began peppering kisses on your face. You joined him in his laughter and giggles bubbled out of you as he made sure to bless every part of your skin with his lips. The press of his hardening cock on your side made you narrow your eyes at him playfully and you reached down to wrap your fingers around it, swiping your thumb at the cum that had leaked from his tip and spreading it down his length.
“Again already?” You teased. 
The hungry look was back on his face in the dark glint to his eyes and the way he licked his lips as he grinded into your hand. He pressed himself up onto his forearms and moved back to cage you underneath his weight. His hair hung around his face as he hovered over you and something told you to strap in for a long night. 
“What can I say... I missed you and I want to make up for lost time.” 
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netherworldpost · 2 months
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The reason I so vehemently strut and create art and demand that you create the art you want is because I truly, within the core of my being, believe first and foremost if you do not embrace the weirdness within — if you betray it — it will kill you.
The results of making art — money, power, fame, sex, gifts to give, barter, decoration, adoration, attention — are secondary. Always. To my viewpoint.
I have an extremely broad view of “what is art” and it encompasses many many many many things which is why despite the fact I fucking hate Damien Hirst’s “Still” and it gives me nearly mortally fatal fatigue to argue for its existence, I would, if put in the position to consider it art or not.
If you betray your soul it will fucking kill you.
Maybe you are a weird naked weirdo with piercings and ink and mods and hair that defies god and physics and every piece of your life is curated.
Maybe you wear a tie and kiss your spouse on the cheek in the morning and work in spreadsheets and love a good chain restaurant on Thursday nights when it’s not too busy and you iron your sheets and blush at your own shorts as you fold your laundry.
If you betray how your soul demands you make art it will fucking kill you.
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skylarsblue · 2 years
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I still have more. More Incorrect Quotes.
(Accidentally had a lot more fem!Y/N than intended but it's overall GN!) Alex: What made you think you’d be good for the military? Y/N: I worked at a Waffle House in America. Alex: Ah, alright, that makes sense.
-- (Interrogating Valeria)
Y/N: Look, Gaz, you know me. I can't- I can't do it. Gaz: Why not? Why can't you interrogate her? Y/N: Because I'm a bisexual with mommy issues, Gaz. And she's as pretty as she is scary. I'm already not that intimidating, she'll laugh at me when I start stuttering and then I'll just be horny. It can't be me. Gaz: ....okay, I'll ask Alejandro-
-- Y/N: I just realized something...I had a bad childhood. Gaz: Yeah we know. Y/N: What do you mean you know? Soap: Look at how you stand! People who had good childhoods don't stand like that. Y/N: How do I stand?! Gaz: Like Ghost. Ghost: ...I don't appreciate the call out but fair-
-- Price: Where are you going?! Y/N: To either get ice cream or commit a felony, I'll decide in the car!
-- Ghost after watching Fem!Y/N do an incredibly risky move: I just...Is she blind?? Suffering some form of brain damage?
-- (Tw; Hollywood Undead unalive song)
Y/N: My legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, I think I'll sli- Price: EXCUSE ME?! WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?? Y/N: Wh- No Captain, it's just a so- Price: GHOST GET THE BASE PSYCH ON THE PHONE Y/N: CAPTAIN IT'S A SONG I'M FINE- Well I'm not bUT NO WAIT HANG ON-
-- Valeria: *screaming in spanish* Y/N: ... Gaz: Don't. Y/N, blushing: I'm trying-
-- (During movie night; watching Venom)
Y/N: *pauses on that scene where Venoms sticks his tongue out at the guy in the street* ....Hear me out- Gaz: NO! NO. Y/N: NO NO LISTEN, LISTEN- Soap: Let them speak. Gaz: Don't encourage this! Y/N, pointing at the screen: LOOK AT IT! LOOK! Objectively you have to understand- Gaz: NOOO, it eats people! Soap: THAT TONGUE IS THREE FEET LONG AT LEAST! Gaz: No, I will not be hearing anyone out! I- GHOST, Ghost, back me up. Tell them they shouldn't want to fuck the ALIEN. Ghost, looking at the screen: Ethically, it's wrong. Gaz: Thank you. Ghost: ...objectively- Y/N: AHA! SEE?!
-- Ghost: *bends over* Y/N: *silently flips out* Soap, quietly: Wh-what? What are you-?! Y/N: SHHH *grabs Soap's jaw and turns him to look* Soap: *slack jaw* Damn- Y/N: fuckingdamnindeed- Ghost: *turns around* Soap: So it's your turn to pick dinner, what're you thinking? Y/N: Oh I dunno, maybe something pork related, uh, or cake- Soap: Aha, yeah...cake. Ghost: ....??
--
Fem!Y/N: I am not the mom of 141, that's ridiculous. Someone: You make all of them lunch every day with fruit cut into shapes, IN PERSONALIZED LUNCH BOXES Fem!Y/N: They need nutrition! Someone: You color code their items- Fem!Y/N: Look, if you were there for the item mix-ups you'd understand. Someone: YOU ARE LITERALLY FOLDING AND LABELLING THEIR LAUNDRY WITH A SHARPIE ON THE TAGS. Fem!Y/N: *holding Simon's skull boxers, writing his name on the tag* That- ...oh my god I'm the mom.
-- Ghost, watching Soap run past: WHAT DO YOU HAVE?! Soap, grinning & sprinting: A FUCKIN' BOMB Ghost: NO!!!
-- Price: Y/N, this is Lieutenant Riley, you can call him Ghost. Ghost: Y/N, looking him up and down: ...you got daddy issues? Ghost: ....maybe Y/N: Cool, same. Pleasure to meet'cha, sorry life gave you shit. Ghost, shaking their hand: Ditto. Price: *concerned sigh*
-- Price, walking into the common area at 10 pm: What in the world- Gaz, Soap, and Y/N: *all in there pyjamas with face masks on, eating snacks* Y/N: *slowly keeps chewing* Gaz: ...heeeyy siiirr... Price: It was lights out an hour ago, what are you lot doing? Soap: *slowly raises another face mask* ....Self care, sir? Price: ... Ghost, walking in at midnight for water: ....what. Soap, Gaz, Price, and Y/N: *stop gossiping* Gaz: ....hey. Soap: Evenin' L.T. Y/N: Howdy. Ghost: *looks at Price with a face mask on* Ghost: ...*sighs and sits down* Pass the Goldfish. Soap: Yeaaaah, good man! Welcome to the party!
-- Shepard: Is anyone here straight?! Price: ...*hesitantly raises hand* Laswell: *pushes his hand back down*
-- Valeria: *angry ranting* Y/N, a captive: Stop being so mean to me or I swear to god I'm gonna fall in love with you!
-- Ghost: What in the hell are you doing? Y/N: Laying in the rain. Ghost: Why? Y/N: If I lay here long enough, it feels like it washes the sad away. So I'm gonna lay here until the sad is gone. Ghost: You'll get sick. Y/N: Better sick than sad, sir. Ghost: ...*looks at the sky, back down, sighs* Ghost: *lays down on the tarmac* Y/N: Got a lot of sad? Ghost: ...Yeah. Y/N: If the rain doesn't take care of it, let's trade sads. Then it'll at least be a different kind of sad. Ghost: Not sure you want my sad. Y/N: Maybe not, but I don't think you should have to handle your sad alone either. Ghost: ...alright. Y/N: Cool.
-- Price: Simon, it's three o' clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding? Ghost: Because I've lost control of my life.
-- Soap, with a gunshot wound: Do I regret it? Yes. Will I do it again? Most likely.
-- Y/N after doing something so badass it would fit in a movie: ...DID EVERYONE SEE THAT?? CAUSE I WILL NOT BE DOING IT AGAIN.
-- Ghost: You kidnapped the prime minister's daughter? That's illegal! Soap: Okay, Ghost, but what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing the prime minister's daughter, or destroying 141? Ghost: KIDNAPPING THE PRIME MINISTER'S DAUGHTER, JOHNNY! Fem!Y/N: Do you guys have like, a water or something? Snack maybe? No?
-- Y/N: I think there's been some confusion. I'm not the one in trouble here. Enemy Soldier: ...What? Y/N: There are only four of you. You'll need more than that. Gaz, hearing it over the intercom: ...they're gonna whoop-ass but we should probably go help them.
-- Someone: Why are you doing their straps for them? Price: They don't like velcro. Someone: Just do it yourself! Y/N: I'm not touching that stuff! I'll get neurotypical cooties.
-- Y/N, high on painkillers: If yo leg get cut off, would it hurt? Soap, in a hospital bed beside them: ...DUH Y/N: How though? Soap: Cause your leg got cut off! Y/N: Where you gonna feel the pain? Soap: In your le.... Y/N: Exactly bro! How you gonna feel the pain in yo leg if- Both: If your leg is gone! Soap: Whoooaaa... Y/N: Bro I swear, we're geniuses. Ghost, on his last brain cell: Fuckin'ell.
-- Ghost, about to lose his shit: Dear lord, I know we haven't spoken in a long time but if you could give me a little patience-
-- Gaz: Do you believe in God? Y/N: ...Yes & no. Gaz: Yes & No? What do you mean? Y/N: I believe there is a higher power, I believe a God exists. But...believing in God? Now that...haven't done that in a long time.
--
Gaz & Y/N: *dancing* Ghost: Can you two be serious for five seconds? Gaz, bustin' a move: Dunno sir, can you have fun for five seconds? Y/N: *stops and looks at Gaz* Gaz: *stops and is filled with instant regret* ...uh, sir, I- Ghost: Tell you what. I'll give you five seconds...to start running- Gaz: *turns to run and sees Y/N already yards away* YOU LEFT ME?! Y/N: I WANNA LIVE!!!!
-- Ghost: What are they doing? Price: Arguing in morse code. Soap: - .... .- - .----. ... / .-- .... -.-- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... .... --- . ... / .-. .- --. --. . -.. -.-- Gaz: -.-- .- / -- --- -- -- .- Soap: YOU FUCKIN' TAKE THAT BACK-
-- Soap: Keep your eyes closed, I have a surpriiisee!~ Ghost: You did your paperwork? Soap: I said surprise, not miracle.
-- Y/N, on tiktok: FOR ALL YOU NASTY ASSES IN MY DMS- *shows the team* THIS IS MY TEAM. STOP SENDING MY DICK PICS OR I WILL SEND THEM AFTER Y'ALL. Ghost: You've been getting dick pics? Soap: Who the hell's been harassing you online?! Y/N: SEE?? THEY'LL WHOOP YA ASS, SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
-- Y/N, on tiktok again: Alright, backfired on me. For all of y'all who are now trying to be nasty by THIRSTING for my teammates, uh, no. Stop askin' for my Captain's marital status, I'm not gonna tell you. No you may not get my teammate's dicks, I will not be giving you their social media, stOP ASKING I KNOW THEY'RE HOT BUT NO-
-- (I've fallen down the rabbit hole of Karen compilations, so, that's why I thought of this)
Y/N: Goodbye sir! Male Karen: Fuck you bitch! Go suck off your captain you fuckin' whore!! Y/N: Sure, I'll do that, goodbye! Male Karen: Suck my dick, whore! Y/N: Can't! It's too full of military dick, you'll need to make an appointment, GOODBYE!! Soap: *wheeze* Gaz: Jesus. Christ. Ghost: I told you all America is shit.
(Bonus Note cause I can't put in anywhere else; on the topic of Venom + C.o.D. I know we have Soap in place of Eddie & Ghost in place of Venom, but hear me out. Y/N! being Ghost's host and Johnny being a third part. P o l y ! A u !)
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ghost-proofbaby · 8 months
Text
a simple life (e.m.)
summary: you try to clean your depression room while eddie's over, but he keeps distracting you.
warnings: none except mentions of a dirty room and panties. also... a lot of nicknames. womp womp. not edited.
pairing: eddie munson x gn!reader
wc: 1.4k+
a/n: just a little sweet something i wrote thinkin' about eddie while i took on the task of finally cleaning my depression room after a few months of putting it off. idk. this is boring. i'm sorry.
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“Where did you even get this postcard?”
“Eddie.”
“Or what about this choker? Is that a bat? It’s a- oh my God, babe. Why don’t you ever wear this? This is hot.”
Originally, you had thought it was a good idea. Invite Eddie over, allow the body-doubling tactic to work its magic, and voila – you’d finally have the clean room you’d been talking about achieving for weeks now, within a few hours. 
“Baby,” you scold, trying to reach across the bed to snatch the necklace he’d found out of his hands. It proves to be difficult, a small pile of laundry you’d been folding hindering you. 
“Sweetheart,” he mimics right back, quick to hold the necklace out of your reach, as if you were anyone near from stealing it back from him. 
“I asked you to come over to help me, not distract me,” you sigh, crossing your arms and trying to look as pitiful as possible. When you’d first invited him over, you’d assured him that he needn’t lift a single finger. You didn’t want him here to help by aiding in throwing away any of the trash that had begun to litter your desk or taking any dirty plates to the kitchen. No, the intention had been him helping with his mere presence – quiet presence. He was supposed to be working on a new campaign for Hellfire, not being so damn nosey and going through the few items you’d tossed onto the bed from the floor, “I just recently bought that necklace, I haven’t had a chance to wear it.”
His eyes light up mischievously, a small grin tugging at his lips, “Why not wear it now, then? Perfect opportunity, yeah?” 
“I’m not fulfilling any slutty maid fantasies you have, Eddie.” 
“What if I say please?” 
You huff and decide to give up the fight about the necklace, returning back to the laundry before you. You were almost done. You were almost done after a full day of cleaning. If your adorably curious boyfriend would just stop picking at your belongings, you’d probably be able to finish within the hour. 
He stands from the small space on your bed he had made for himself, a nest of sorts that he had taken from simply curling up into for a ‘nap’ (which never happened’ to sitting up as he had just been as he clearly grew more bored with each passing moment. “Want some help with folding?” 
“You just want an excuse to get your grubby hands on my underwear,” you grumble, folding a shirt with slightly more vigor to emphasize your point.
You’re right, of course. The first article of clothing he grabs is a pair of lacy black panties. 
“Guilty,” he coos jokingly, but to your surprise, he actually folds the lingerie. Neatly, at that. With careful hands, he folds it even nicer than you would have in your haste, going as far as walking to your dresser and putting it away into the correct drawer. And then, he takes it a step further, and begins to put away the other clothing you’d already neatly wrapped up, suddenly depleting the mountain of laundry by half, “You know, I don’t mind helping you clean.”
“I already told you, you’re helping by bein-” you start to protest, hands grabbing at a random jean leg but not quite yanking it from the pile. 
He’s quick to interrupt you, taking that pair of jeans right from you, “I don’t want to just lay there while you do all the work, contrary to all the sources that say men enjoy that.”
His face isn’t quite as taunting as it had been moments before. Some of the joking has vanished, replaced by something more serious yet somehow softer. The jeans are slung over his arms, neatly halved twice before he sets them to the side and looks at you. 
Your shame is palpable, though. You’d just gotten over the embarrassment of having him over when your room would get this filthy. Disastrous in the worst of ways. Dirty clothes strewn everywhere, plates left for days on any surface you could find in your laziness, coke cans and random trash littering the floor. It was embarrassing. You know he had promised to love you through the good and the ugly, but this was far uglier than he could have ever imagined signing up for. 
It was bad enough to have him see it, let alone clean it. 
“It’s embarrassing,” you finally say quietly. His head tilts, so adorable it tugs at all your heart strings, and you take it as your queue to continue in a near whisper, “It’s gross - I’m gross.” 
“Sweetheart, have you even seen my room?” he scoffs. He’s quick to shove some of the clean clothes up into a pile just enough that he can take a seat at the corner of your bed, quickly reaching out to grab your hands and guide you between his spread legs, “Shit happens. Life gets stressful, work gets busy, sometimes we just don’t feel like cleaning up. Shit happens,” his thumb is sweeping soothingly over your knuckles, clearing the impending storm you hadn’t even been aware of. Maybe he hadn’t either – a naturally caring and comforting aura has always been his thing rather than yours, “Out of everyone in this world, I am the least qualified to judge you.” 
You don’t really understand it. How he can sit there, looking up at you so dreamily when the two of you are situated in the middle of your still unkempt room, your neck still chilled with a layer of sweat and your hair tumbling out of the bun you hadn’t properly secured. But he is. He’s looking at you not as if he doesn’t see the mess, both of the room and of yourself, but as if he does and simply doesn’t care. 
“Besides,” his lips are splitting with another grin, his hands squeezing your hands three times, “It’s kind of domestic. ‘M kind of into it.” 
“Me? Doing laundry?” you snort, blinking away any fears that had crept up. It’s hard to feel inadequate with his eyes on you, spilling so many sweet nothings like it’s just another casual Tuesday conversation and not the fuel to your beating heart, “Didn’t you just say you don’t want to just sit and-”
“Us,” he cuts you off in correction, “Us doing laundry.”
“You… like the thought of doing laundry with me?” you say slowly, carefully, unsure of the words as they fall from your lips. 
Doing laundry sounded like the least romantic thing the two of you could ever partake in. 
“I like the thought of doing laundry with you,” he repeats with a nod, “I like the thought of doing laundry with you, of doing dishes together after we just made the world's most mediocre dinner ever, of you complaining when I won’t get up so you can make the bed on the weekend,” he tugs you even closer. You have no choice but to let a knee fall to each side of his hips, straddling his lap as he wraps his arms around you and he leans forward to press a chaste kiss to one of your collar bones, “Call me cheesy. I like the thought of a simple life, but only if it’s with you.” 
Something warms inside of you. The thought of a life of simplicity, of lazy mornings and boring afternoons, all brightened up by the boy in front of you. A boy who creates magical worlds with his words on a weekly basis, a boy obsessed with fantasy novels and all things adventurous, who wants his greatest life adventure to just be a mundane lifetime with you. 
You can imagine it would be anything but mundane with Eddie, but the tranquility still exists and blankets the two of you. 
You lift a hand, carding it through his scalp, careful not to let your fingers snag on his messy curls, “Does this mean you’ll do your taxes with me next week?” 
With a quick snort, he buries his face into your chest, shaking his head furiously, “Don’t push it, sweetheart.” 
You know he will, though. He’ll help you fold the laundry, he’ll help you wash the dishes, and he’ll certainly sit through the dreadful hours of doing taxes if they’re spent with you. 
A few beats of silence. His arms have wrapped just right so that his warm palm presses into your lower back, the other hand tracing a mindless circle over your shirt a few inches higher. Your breathing matches his, fingers rubbing a matching pattern into his scalp that has him humming periodically.
The laundry will get done eventually, but it can wait. For now, you just want to hold your boy, and let him hold you. 
“It’s a date,” he finally gives in, voice muffled, making you smile widely, “I’ll light candles and everything, sweetheart.”
eddie's taglist: @capricornrisingsstuff @thisisktrying @hideoutside @vol2eddie @corrcdedcoffin @ches-86 @alovesongtheywrote @its-not-rain @feralchaospixie @cheesypuffkins87 @thebook-hobbit @babez-a-licious @eddies-acousticguitar @aysheashea @kellsck @cosmorant @billyhvrgrove-main @micheledawn1975 @eddiesxangel @siriuslysmoking @witchwolflea @tlclick73 @magicalchocolatecheesecake @mizzfizz @nanaminswhore @mikiepeach @ali-r3n @hawkebuckley @alwaysbeenfamous @darkyuffie-blog @vintagehellfire @lilmisssiren @elvendria @loveryanax @stylexrepp @princessstolas @fangirling-4-ever @eddiesguitarskills @babez-a-licious @josephquinnsfreckles
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