#HE GOT A BIG HAND HUGEEEE

[the-legend-of-daname]

Daname Fanart by Charles

[sorbetisfruity]

Guys Guys GUYSSS I have oh, Oh so many Thoughts right now.

Imagine:

Kiss the Girl scene with MC and TWST’s version of Ariel.

Rielle (his fan-given name) goes to Azul, saying he wants to become a human forever to stay with a human he’s fallen in love with!!

And who’s Azul to deny him?

He quickly finds out that the human he’s fallen for is NRA’s one and only magicless hero.

You!!

And, of course, Azuls not one to make a contract without getting something in return.

Especially when Rielle’s into the human he’s got a teeny tiny HUGEEEE crush on.

Soo, he makes him a deal.

If he can kiss MC within 3 days by sundown, he becomes human forever, and gets to keep his voice.

And if he can’t?

Azul keeps his voice, and him, forever.

Rielle makes the deal without thinking, throwing a scale he ripped off into the pot, allowing Azul to take his voice.

Azul sends him away after the transaction is complete, handing a shell-shaped locket to Jade and Floyd, who were giggling, knowing how this would go.

After hearing the very stupid deal Rielle made, his friends quickly came up with a plan.

You two would have a romantic boat ride, and kiss there!!

It was full proof-it HAD to be!

After all, nearly two days have already passed. They have no choice now.

What none of them accounted for was you-unintentionally-knowing everything.

———————————————————————

“Rielle? Where are ya takin me?” You laughed as he pulled you along, not saying a word to you.

It seems as if he was giving you the silent treatment these past few days, not saying a single word.

It struck you as weird, if you were honest. Rielle was always a chatterbox, constantly talking about things he’d find on the ocean floor and his adventures under water.

However, after talking to his friends, Flounder and Neige, you found out he had a big performance soon and was on vocal rest.

You didn’t believe them at first, as they stuttered nervously throughout their entire explanation. But you knew at least Neige would never lie to you.

Right?

The whole situation reminded you of the original Little Mermaid, with his lost voice and all. He hadn’t even went into the ocean lately, which he tends to do after school.

It all brought a feeling of unease upon you.

Though, you knew Rielle wasn’t in love with anybody, let alone you.

There was no way he made a deal with Azul…right?

Rielle looked back at you, a playful smile on his lips as he brought a finger up, silently shushing you.

You rolled your eyes as you giggled, continuing to let yourself be dragged around by him.

Once you two reached your destination, he pulled back a curtain of long, glowing vines, revealing a small wooden boat.

Your mouth dropped, immediately feeling your stomach start to swarm with butterflies.

Either you were going crazy, or this is playing out exactly as it did in the movie.

The missing voice, the way he’s been weirdly close to you these past two days, not going into the ocean…and now this!?!

You’re going to kick Azuls ass.

Rielle snapped you out of your trance, giving you a worried look.

“Ah, sorry! Don’t worry, I’m fine.” You nervously laughed it off, chewing on your bottom lip.

Rielle got into the boat first, testing the durability of it. Once he felt that it was fine, he reached his hand out to you softly, looking at you with eyes filled with something you couldn’t pinpoint.

You blushed as you took his hand, allowing him to yank you into his hard chest.

He held you there for a moment. His other arm around your waist as he held your hand close to his heart.

You didn’t dare look up. You wouldn’t allow yourself to.

You gently pushed yourself away from his chest, clearing your throat.

“So..you took me out here in the middle of the night to take a boat ride, huh?” You smiled, giggling a bit.

He grabbed your hands once again, making you look up at him.

You regretted it almost immediately.

He looked undeniably gorgeous under the soft yellow lights of the fire flies around you. A dark red covered his cheeks, and even his ears! The color rivaled his hair. His mouth was slightly agape as he stared down at you, seemingly speechless.

He nodded quickly, letting go of you and pushing the boat off before you had time to sit, making you fall back.

“Damn, a warning would’ve been nice..” you said lightheartedly, rubbing your sore back as you looked down at the water.

Your eyes widened as you looked down, swearing you saw a green tail quickly swim past…

You felt Rielle grab your hands with his own, clearly looking apologetic.

“I’m fine, don’t worry!! I was joshin, don’t sweat it Rielle..” you reassured, feeling something bump the boat.

‘Shit…that’s gotta be Jade and Floyd!!’ you thought, biting your bottom lip again.

You looked at Rielle, seeing how his gaze was fixated on your lips. Your face flushed, suddenly feeling hot as you shuffled in your spot.

“Rielle, listen…” you trailed off, watching him snap up and meet your eyes.

“I know what’s happening to you. I know you’re cursed, and I know you have to…kiss me..to break it. I know everything, Rielle.”

You felt another bump under the boat, this one more aggressive than the last.

Rielle looked upset, distraught, concerned..he gripped your hands tighter as his mouth moved, but no sounds came out.

“It’s okay!!! It’s okay. I’m gonna get your voice back, don’t worry Rielle. But first…”

You practically ripped your hands away from his, standing on the boat as you struggled to find your balance.

“I’ve gotta grab something.”

You eyed one of the green, slippery tails that has been bumping into the boat, before grabbing onto it with a tight, firm grip, yanking up one of the tweels onto the boat.

“Shrimpy?” “Floyd! What the fuck?!”

“If you don’t go and get my friends voice back right now, so help me god I will-“

“Calmmmm dooooown Shrimpy! If you want this little mermaids-well, used to be little mermaids-voice back, you’re gonna have to kiss him!! Ooorrrrr, go hunt down Azul.”

“And we are not going to let that first option happen.” Jade chimed in, leaning against the boat now.

“Okay, first of all, I’m gonna hunt down Azul either way. I thought he was better than this but apparently he’s not-and YOU TWO aren’t either.”

“And you!” You turned to Rielle, “you sacrificed your mermaid powers for me?? WHY?! You can turn into a human anyways! There was no need to sacrifice that for me! I’m not worth sacrificing shit like THAT for! Let alone anything!!” You stressed, tears starting to form at the corners of your eyes.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, turning back to Jade and Floyd.

“Take me to Azul. Now. I’m gonna have a little..talk with his octopus ass.”

“Rielle, go back to RSA. I’ll come for you in the morning and let you know what happened, okay? Stay safe. Don’t make anymore stupid deals.” You leaned down to his height, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek before getting yanked away by Floyd.

“Awwww come onnnn Shrimpy!~ Do we get kisses nowwww?” Floyd whined, squeezing you tightly.

“No, you guys aren’t getting anything from me until Rielle gets his voice back. Now let’s go.” You spoke sternly, wiggling yourself out of his slimy embrace.

“Of course, come on, let’s head back to NRA.” Jade chimed in, turning back into his human form as Floyd did the same, knowing you couldn’t breathe under water like they can.

You gave one last look at Rielle, a look full of determination, before walking off with the twins, sighing as Floyd began to talk your ear off.

———————————————————————

Part two Mayhaps?

This scenario has been playing in my mind since the live action Little Mermaid came out btw, I just hadn’t decided to write it out until nowwwww!!

I doooo have a pretty sick idea for a part two where MC (aka YOUUUU) gets Rielles voice back, but I’d love to know if you guys would like a part two just in case!

Byeeeeee guyssss >:0)

[marvelobsessed134]

Love Me Tender part two: the first date

Series masterlist

Pairings: 60s!Rockstar!Bucky x Innocent!Fem!Reader

Warnings: none just the fact that Bucky is hugeeee 😩 and age gap of course.

Bucky had called immediately the next day eager to get that date with you. Your father just thought this was such a wonderful idea, saying the two of you would be the next “it” Hollywood couple. He is an executive and pr manager so he does think that way a lot. And he seems very trusting of Bucky to take care of you.

You got ready in your pink room, at your vanity. God, you’d be so embarrassed if he saw your room. Posters of him all over your wall, his records strewn across the floor. Okay, and maybe you got a locket and cut out a picture of him in a magazine to put inside.

You can’t help it! He’s the most handsomest and dare you say sexiest man you’ve ever seen. Maybe even more handsome than Frank Sinatra who’d been another crush of yours. Too bad he’s married already.

The sound of Debbie Reynolds filled your room as you perfected your eyeliner. One of your maids, Anna, helped you out with your hair, making it nice and big. You know that Bucky must like your big hair. It’s all the rage now.

You were wearing a mid length light pink dress, with a white fur shawl. Of course you get access to all the luxurious clothes.

“Y/n! Bucky is here!” Your dad called from down the hall. You straightened up your dress and grabbed your purse before heading downstairs.

Bucky was so enamored by you. There you stood at the top of the stairs, you looked just like a little doll.

“Wow.” He said as you walked downstairs with a shy smile.

You walked up to him, looking up at his tall form. He must be about 6’4, you thought.

“Well, I expect her to be back at a reasonable time. While you’re a good friend of mine I want you to know that if anything happens to my daughter I’ll be sure to have you pay for it.” Your father said.

“Yes sir. I’ll make sure nothing happens to your daughter.” The brunette responded.

“Very well. Now off you two go shoo, shoo!” He made a shooing motion with his hands and you giggled as the rockstar took your hand and headed outside. He has such a nice car, a red mustang.

You got inside and he got into the drivers seat before taking off. The older man took you to a nice restaurant in Long Beach by the sea.

The waves crashed as you ate outside on the balcony of the restaurant.

“So what do you like to do for fun?” He asked.

“I like to do my hair and makeup. I like to paint too. Um, sorry im kind of not that interesting.”

“Doll I think it’s really cool you like to do those things. Tells me you’re creative. I like that in a woman.” You blushed at his words. God, he just makes you so flustered!

The dinner went smoothly and soon enough Bucky was dropping you off back at your house. The two of you stood in front of his car looking into each others eyes. The two of you were close, feeling each others breath. Then, he leaned in and cupped the back of your head, pressing his lips to yours.

You tried to kiss back as best you could since you didn’t really know how to kiss yet. But you relaxed and let Bucky take the lead.

The two of you kissed little harder before pulling apart. “Goodnight sweetheart.” He whispered.

“Goodnight Bucky.” You replied softly before running up to your house.

[impishtubist]

Socio-Biological take on wolfstar as wolf and dog ship and how the assumption ppl make about canine behavior apply to the dynamic:

People assume that dogs are more subservient and that wolves are, by default, more aggressive.

However, that isn't true. Wolves are not as trainable as dogs, but wild dogs are just as aggressive as wolves and are usually cleverer and more dangerous.

The second assumption is about the idea of canine pack dynamics - the whole alpha wolf/dog thing. Most ppl don't know that the paper that popularized the term was a misinterpretation.

I think it's very telling how people make the ‘dog person’ the one in need of constant validation, the stupider and weaker one. Someone who needs to be 'trained’ to get affection and enjoys being subservient to the right master. Someone will take abuse and will crawl back apologizing. Thinking that dogs are inherently lesser than wolves because of domestication and finding the idea of a dog being ‘Alpha’ to a wolf unthinkable.

On the other hand, wolves are both demonized and sexualized for being wild and dangerous. So the wolf person is the one who is attractively aggressive and dangerous. Is the one in control, who can not be controlled or contained, and justified in his aggressions and derision for domestication. So the idea of that person being subversive, soft and kind, willingly following others doesn't fit. They see domestication as weakness.

I kinda want a fic where people push these assumptions at wolfstar, who have personal experience of being canine, and they don't get it. But alas.

Breed that old man 2024 bonus:

Gray wolves and dogs are capable of producing fertile offspring when mating. Wolfdogs and mixed packs are a common occurrence where dogs and wolves share space, and packs are mostly parents and their pups.

I vote for letting Sirius knock up Remus with a whole litter of wolfdog puppies, starting a pack of their own. Cute as hell babies, and growling at ppl making stupid assumptions about the relationship and the pups. No, Remus isn't submissive to him, just his mate. Why do you think it's odd that Remus is the carrier parent?? And actually, don't you know inbreeding is bad?? His pups will be amazing because they are not ‘Pure breeds’.

Remus is shy but pretty smug because. His babies will be smart like his mate. And he wants a hugeeee pack. Lots of babies. Will show off that big belly every chance he has, and every single pup after they are born. Why the hell should he be embarrassed of his mate? He is so clever and so loyal and the best dad.

ALL OF THIS. Sorry it took me all day to post this, but this was the best thing to wake up to on my birthday and I got to spend the day marinating on it, thank you so much. I love all of this and also I hope this causes much chaos in the Wolfstar tag.

"I kinda want a fic where people push these assumptions at wolfstar, who have personal experience of being canine, and they don't get it." - I also want this fic and now I need to bully someone to write it.

[deathricedrawn]

Hello friends! I hope you had a very happy holiday :o) I wanted to show off my gifts!!!!! because i am So So Happy!!!!

(skeledirge, meowscarada, quaquaval, weavile, lucario, reshiram, zekrom, zoroark, houndoom)

Pokemon has always been a HUGEEEE interest of mine . It is a special interest and Pokemon plushies are a big part of that!!! i LOVEEE pokemon plushies So So Much and i was OVERJOYED and in AWE to see that i got these!!!! Forever so happy!!! A few more pics beneath here :o)

Chicago!!! Very Funny Looking I love her . Shes very soft (though her mask isnt :o( ). Shes so silly!!!

Toronto he is So gay . Hes very stiff esp around his feet and beak?? His tail is also very hard and not fun to touch tbh but i LOVE holding him

PERU!!!!! This one is sooo cool omg... hes eating me!! This one is SOOO soft and fun to hold... The birdie is just the cherry on top!

From left to right:

Vienna / Charlotte / no name / Columbus / Anaheim / no name

Holding hands!!! Theyre lesbians. Charlotte is futch and lucario is butch .

Anaheim (reshiram) and Columbus (zekrom) are siblings . Theyre both Ungendered but anaheim is more feminine (she / it probably) and columbus is more masculine (he / it ?)

YAYYYYY

[rakurairagnarok]

Batting for the other Team

It’s finally done!! This was a request from @bigbren1979 . I hope you like it my dude!! Please enjoy. I also have some interesting news coming up later today!!! Stay tuned!!

Brett Lawrie was a massive success on the baseball field. People loved seeing this very attractive man swing away, both men and women. Unfortunately for both of them, he was already taken, having a wife and kid. Even worse, Lawrie was a massive homophobe, making fun of and harassing all the gay guys that worked out at the gym. He didn't make it very obvious so he would not get into trouble, but everyone knew he really hated them all. 

Sadly for Lawrie, he messed with the wrong guy today. 

Andrew was having a beer with his friends in the local bar, when he saw Brett entering, clearly drunk. He sat down with his buds in a booth and immediately shouted for a waitress. When a guy approached the table, Lawrie and his friends immediately started calling him names. “Get us some beers, faggot” he said while spewing in his face. Andrew watched the scene unfold with his fists clenched. That bastard, always pestering the queer folk around town. He was about to get up to say something to the sportsman, when a thought entered his mind. A sly grin spread along his face as he sat back down and enjoyed the rest of his evening.

The following morning

Andrew walked into the gym, looking for his target. He found Brett on  the leg extension machine. Andrew moved over to the baseball player and smiled. 

“Hey man, You’re Brett Lawrie right? I’m a huge fan, dude! That last game was fantastic! Your swings were top tier!” Lawrie smiled. 

“Thanks bro! It was such a great game. I’m glad there are still some actual baseball fans around here, and not just fags.” Andrew bit his tongue and smiled. 

“Yeah man, been a fan for ages!” Lawrie beamed as his ego was stroked to high heaven. Andrew rummaged through his bag and took out a workout shaker.

“Hey man, so I wanted to give you this, it's a protein shake I developed myself. Gives you this hugeeee boost. Best workout you've ever had, trust me. And unlike  pre-workout, you don't even have to wait!!” Lawrie took the bottle with big eyes and took a swig. 

“Bro… this tastes divine!!” he took another sip and, kind of reluctantly, gave back the bottle to Andrew. Andrew saw the remorse in his eyes and smiled. 

“You know what man, you can keep that one, I got another one in my locker.” Brett looked up. “Are you sure… you don’t-” 

“I insist dude.” Andrew retorted and handed him the bottle.

Brett gazed at it and quickly took another mouthful. He stared up at Andrew and then immediately downed the whole bottle after which he  let out a massive belch. “Jezus that was fucking great man. Thanks a lot” 

Andrew grinned “No probz bro. Be sure to see me after your workout though. I can hook you up with some more” 

Lawrie nodded. “Yeah sure thing bro!” Andrew turned and started to walk towards the weights, starting his own workout.

In the meantime, Lawrie continued with renewed vigor. He had actually been almost done but the shake had given him an energy reset. He was ready to keep going. He continued to workout his legs and ass. His girlfriend loved his massive ass. When Lawrie was headed towards the Squat rack, he felt his stomach rumble. He chuckled. “Oh dear, there come the preworkout gasses. Oh well, people should know I've been here, they'd better be honored to smell me.” He said with a smug look on his face. But the farts and burps never came. Even when squatting down with 50 pounds on each side of the bar, not a single puff of air came out of him.

Instead, his body slowly started to swell up a bit. His lean body started to fill out with some fat and muscle. His rough slender arms started to fill out his shirt. His stomach roared again, this time enlarging his pecs into soft, warm cushions of flesh. Another rumble and he shrank down a few inches, but as he was squatting down at the same time, he didn't even notice. The former 6 foot athlete, was now an adorable 5 '7. With another rumble came another set of changes. His 30 year old face started to lose some years. Patches of aged skin started to smooth out, the few wrinkles he had pulled away, and his beard receded into a soft stubble. His stern face melted away into a soft and cute face with boyish charm. His short hair started to grow out and turned wavy. Lawrie bit his lips as they slowly plumped up, making him look very cute, but also very, very gay. He squatted down once more and the ink on his body started to wash away with all the sweat that ran down his frame. He now had smooth and youthful looking skin. His final squat and his body hair all but disappeared leaving behind a slight dusting of hair along his new juicy pecs. Having some energy left, Lawrie decided to put on some weights and continue the squats. With every squat his ass felt like it was on fire. Each rep made his ass bigger, and more jiggly. His below average rod also started to grow. Not just hard, but longer, and thicker too. His balls grew too, with every rep making them bigger and faster. Lawrie’s ass was getting bigger by the second, almost ripping his shorts. He was also getting smoother, all the hair sucking into his balls and shaft, leaving a perfect smooth member. 

He finally put down the bar and stood there, panting and sweating. “Fuck… that was amazing” he thought to himself. He grabbed his towel and headed to the locker room, ready to get some more of that delicious drink. As he opened the door he was met with an alluring smell that he could immediately place; it was the drink. He looked around and saw Andrew sitting on a bench, legs spread apart, with a towel around his waist, covering his manhood. 

“Hey bro… I “ Lawrie fell silent. His usual rough voice was gone. Instead, when he talked a youthful, squeaky voice rang through the room. 

“Hey man, you're finally done. Took you long enough. But damn you look good!” Lawrie looked down, and saw his clothes didn't fit him the same as they did when he put them on this morning. They were hanging lower on his body, but he filled them out much more.

He looked up in the mirror and screamed. Instead of the handsome, rugged face he knew, a new young, cute, and very queer looking face looked back at him.

“What did you do to me” He asked, in that annoyingly gay sounding voice. 

“You just love to make fun of all the gays around here, so I thought, why not make you experience it for a change” he spread apart his legs a bit more, and Lawrie got attacked by a fresh, warm wave of the smell. 

“Y-you …. Put something in the drink” Lawrie stammered, feeling a thread of drool run down his chin. 

“You look adorable like that, but yeah you're right. You want more right, that’s why you came? Want it from the source?” Andrew threw off the towel and Lawries knees buckled. The smell spread around the locker room, and more drool came spilling out of Lawries mouth. Andrew slowly walked over, his thick dick standing at attention. As he came closer there were no questions needed about what the source was; Lawrie only had eyes for Andrews dick. Andrew stopped just in front of Lawrie, his dick on eye level with the former star player. 

“Fuck you’re cute now.” Andrew cooed. He ran his thumb along Lawries soft jaw. “You want a taste, baby?” Lawrie gulped and bit his lip. 

“N-no I’m.. “ 

“Lick it boy” Andrew commanded, and Lawrie immediately complied. He opened his mouth and swallowed the rod. The bear groaned as the boy started to expertly suck him off. Lawries eyes opened wide as the familiar flavor of his drink started to fill his mouth. 

“That’s a good boy” these words filled Lawrie with a weird warm and fuzzy feeling. “You wanna make daddy cum, don't you?” Lawrie wanted to spit out the dick and curse out the man in front of him but instead he looked up into the bear's eyes and nodded. 

“Very good boy, you're such a cutie. I’m gonna take such good care of you” As Andrew said that he shot a load down Brett Lawries throat. This in turn made the boy cream his own pants, shooting out all the old negative parts of the married baseball player. What was left was Barry, Andrew’s soft boyfriend pup, who was such a massive slut for his Daddy's cock. 

“That was amazing daddy… did I do good?”

“You sure did pup… but I’ve got a question… What is your sexuality?”

“Im very gay Drewie. I’m so very gay for your cock… And those of your hot friends…”

Andrew laughed and he pulled his boyfriend up, giving him a warm embrace. “That's my boy. Lets get you cleaned up and home’

Later

It's been a few months since Brett Lawrie has been missing. The gay community of the town didnt really mind though. In his place, they got a new slut with a very cute face. Andrew’s new boyfriend made a very cheap onlyfans, and had plenty of time for visitors. His instagram is full of his dumb, cute face.  

Brett doesn’t remember much from his old life, only that it got substantially better when he and Andrew met. He now gets endless attention, money, and dick from him so he doesn't have much to complain about. 

[wonderland-in-bloom]

vice dorm leaders taking care of their cold s/o

a♕-chan asked: headcanons w/ the vice dorm leaders and an s/o who’s currently cold on a rainy day and how they would take care of their s/o and overall how they would spend a rainy day together

i love the vice dorm leaders <3 uwu they deserve more love ;w; also i’m including ortho in this one (ik he doesn’t count as a vice dorm leader but like idk and yes it is platonic!!) 

headcanons under the cut :))

trey clover

you sat at a table by the window, gazing at the never-ending rain 

although you already wore a jacket, you were still feeling quite cold, causing you to rub both your hands together

“cold huh?” you looked up to see trey with a tray (hah i waited a long time to make that joke) in his hands

the tray had two plates, each with a slice of cake and a teapot along with two cups

he placed one plate and one cup in front of you and took a seat in front of you

“you made (insert cake flavor)! my favorite.” “of course. what kind of boyfriend would i be to not make my sweet their favorite?” 

he delicately poured a generous amount of hot tea in your teacup and did a little ‘cheers’ with you 

the warm cake fresh out of the oven and the hot cup of tea instantly made you feel all around warmer

what made you even warmer is your boyfriend, sitting in front of you and admiring you like you were a piece of art

the smile plastered over his face and the way he laughed when the both of you talked made you feel all warm and cozy on the inside 

when the two of you were done (talking for more than three hours), you helped him with the dishes

he may or may not have purposely added soap bubbles to the sink so you two were able to play around with the soap and the bubbles

luckily the water was warm so when the both of your clothes got a little drenched, it was okay :))

what was not okay was the fact that riddle almost screamed the living daylights out of you but trey was able to calm him down 

the perks of being the dorm leader’s significant other, i guess :33

ruggie bucchi

you sat on your bed, burying your head in a pillow as you hated the rain

you wanted to go outside and run around and have a fun time outside in the hot sun bUT NOPE, the weather had to come RAIN on your parade

you were in a t-shirt and shorts, the cold slowly starting to creep on you and latch itself onto you

you felt your door creak open and a sound of footsteps, followed by a loud ‘thud’ on the ground

you soon felt your big, soft blanket being draped over your head and was tackled by someone from behind

“CAUGHT YA!” that person yelled before wrapping their arms around your waist

“oi (y/n), you’re gonna get a cold if you don’t warm up ya know.” you popped your head out from the blanket to be face to face with your boyfriend, ruggie

you wailed and proceeded to throw yourself onto him, causing him to fall back, laying down on your bed

he felt his face flush and heat up by the minute as he struggled to get away from you

“HEY! (Y/N)! LET GO OF ME!” “no. you’re my oversized teddy bear. teddy...hyena...”

he couldn’t resist the innocent, adorable face engulfed in the blanket and so proceeded to gently poke your nose, this time causing you to blush

“shishishishi, your face looks red. you warm enough yet?” “no...that’s why hug me tighter...” OKAY NOW THE BOTH OF YOU WERE JUST BLUSHING MESSES

and so he did hug you tighter and you snuggled against his chest, both slowly drifting off to sleep and forgetting the cold atmosphere from the rain

jade leech

"hon, what’s the meaning of this?” you raised your eyebrows as jade seated you down in one of the chairs of the mostro lounge 

there in front of you was a vase filled with an array of your favorite flowers and a candlelight dinner-like set up

“my, my, (y/n). why would you wear something like this during a cold, rainy night?” jade commented on the outfit you wore. he told you to wear something a little bit fancy and not so casual, and you didn’t have any long-sleeved formal wear

“although you look stunning, my dear, you’re going to catch a cold.” 

jade proceeded to take off his own jacket and place it on your shoulders

“please wait a moment” he left to head to the kitchen and you just smiled at how much of a gentleman he was

he came back with two plates of food, ravioli 

“....mushroom ravioli? really?” you laughed. “both our favorites. so...cheers?”

he raised his fancy wine glass (FILLED WITH A SPARKLING DRINK NOT ALCOHOL DON’T WORRY) and so did you

that night you two indulged in plenty of warm food and sat near the candlelight, removing all the cold atmosphere away from the two of you

of course the lighthearted conversations filled with laughter and teasing made you feel warmer on the inside too

then he may or may not told azul and floyd to do the dishes as he continues to entertain you for the rest of the night :))

jamil viper

“J-JAMIL!?!?!?!?! WHAT IS ALL THIS?!” you ‘sort of’ screamed

in front of you was a pearly white bathtub made out of pure while marble, decorated with candles on the side of it and plenty of jasmine petals floating on the surface of the water as well as soap bubbles

“strip.” he commanded

you took your slipper off and aimed it right at his face as you threw it with all your might “YOU PERV!” he caught the slipper of course

he laughed at your reaction and your face which was all the colors of red possible 

“there, there, (y/n). i’m just kidding.” he patted your head. “i’ll wait outside.” he handed you a dark red bath robe made out of silk 

you made sure to change into it and hesitantly made it to the door

“...u..uhmm...jamil....wouldyoumindgettingintothebathwithme?!” 

he was, well, shocked. he didn’t know you had that much confidence to invtie him into the bath with you 

“if that’s what you wish” he smirked “BUT NO PEEPING YOU PERV!” “relax, i’ll cast a spell that’ll make the rest of our body submerged in water invisible”

you both got in and sat at the opposite ends, good thing the bath tub was HUGEEEE  

you two spend the first few minutes just soaking in the hot water, letting your tense muscles relax and just inhale the relaxing, earthy aroma

but then you started talking with him about your day, how the rain almost destroyed all your textbooks, and that’s when the both of you talked about almost anything and everything

you two spent too long in there until your fingers and skin were all wrinkly

however you were a little sad when it was over

“let’s take a bath together again next time. shall we?” “hoo, i didn’t know you were so desperate, (y/n).” “EESH, SHUT UP PERV!” 

rook hunt

MATCHING PJS AND JACKETS --> movie night 

“MY DARLING! I HAVE A PRESENT!” rook banged the door against the wall, causing you to jump, almost falling out of bed but you managed to hold onto the sheets

“rook! you scared me!” he patted your head as he muttered a ‘sorry’ and started to unwrap a box in front of you

“taadaa!” inside were two pajamas made out of a very soft material guaranteed to keep you warm. one was dark purple while the other one was a lighter purple. 

“matching pajamas?” “MATCHING PAJAMAS!” you giggled at your boyfriend’s always cheerful and quirky behavior, then planting a kiss on his cheeks 

“well, go get changed! i have something special planned!” 

and so he left you and you did change. those were the best set of pajamas you have ever worn in your whole entire life. 

“(y/n), darling!!! head over to my room!” you followed his order and was met with a ton of pillows set on his bed and a movie starting to play on the screen

“well hurry up, we wouldn’t want to miss it.” you didn’t hesitate to literally dive into the bed and cuddled up close against him

he placed one arm on your waist as you rested your head on his chest while the movie played

it was a touching, sad movie, perfect with the rain gently tapping on the windows of his room

near the end, the both of you just gave up and managed to doze off 

the next morning you were greeted by the sunshine through the window, birds chirping, a smile plastered on both your faces, and....a very pissed off vil (because you left the movie running all night and his room was right beside yours so he couldn’t sleep lol)

ortho shroud

your boyfriend, idia, was cooped up in his room as usual, no matter during a hot sunny day, or a cold rainy evening, he was stuck in there playing games

you wanted to drag him outside to the ignihyde lounge but ortho stopped you before you were able to

“big bro/sis (y/n), why not we build a fort to set the mood?!” 

you agreed with ortho’s plan and started assembling your makeshift fort

you used the pillows and seating from the couches and also blankets and pillows from the different rooms in ignihyde

you and ortho managed to finish in less than an hour and turns out the fort was bigger than you thought

you illuminated it with some candles to keep you both warm and stuffed some more blankets and pillows inside

you then ran to idia’s room and quickly stole his gaming console and ran to your fort, causing him to scream

“(Y/N)!!! GIVE THAT BACK!” he screamed in anger/sadness (because honestly he looked like he was going to cry) 

however he paused when he saw the comfortable fort and his gaming console already set up

“onii-chan! let’s play!” you smiled along with ortho and idia agreed

you teamed up with ortho and tried to beat idia in whatever game you were playing

idia tend to curse a lot while playing those games and therefore you slapped his cheek everytime you did while trying your best to make sure ortho doesn’t hear his curses

each time you and ortho won, you would hug each other and give each other a high five

it was a cute and fun family bonding time

by the end of your tiring and enthusiastic gaming time, the two boys snuggled up close to you and you wrapped your arms around them “my two favorite boys”

a cute little happy family ;w;

lilia vanrouge

you ignited the fireplace in the diasomnia lounge to keep yourself warm from the stinging cold air due to the rain

lilia noticed this and jumped on your back 

“haaah how warm” “the fireplace?” “noooo, you.”

you giggled and sat on one of the couches beside lilia

you leaned your head against his shoulder, feeling the warm instantly becoming warmer 

lilia, with the help of his bats, wrapped a blanket around the both of you

you closed your eyes with a smile on your face, enjoying the moment for a while 

“you know what’s perfect on rainy days, my beloved?” “what is it?” “it’s the perfect time to tell you some stories.”

your eyes seemed to sparkle as in lilia’s eyes you looked like an excited puppy

“yes please! tell me some of your stories!” you cheered

he was only able to chuckle “alright then, get comfortable”

you rested your head on his lap and managed to lay down

he started his story with his past experiences, then he told you stories of malleus as a baby and how he wasn’t able to properly put his clothes on, then how he used to take care of silver

“but, my beloved, would you want to know my favorite story?” you nodded enthusiastically, causing him to chuckle at your cuteness

“well...it’s the story of how i met you. and the story of our love.”

this caused you to hide your face in your hands due to embarrassment and you almost fell off the couch

“lilia! don’t say that!” “but it’s true.” “okay! save it for another time!”

he planted a kiss on your hands which were hiding your face then allowed you to stay in that position for longer

meanwhile malleus, silver, and sebek were just listening and peeping from a corner

“why is this so weird?” “it’s so weird looking at the old man doing this” “we shouldn’t be doing this” “haha silver you were a pathetic baby” “not as pathetic as you” “wHAT DID YOU--” and well the three of them basically ruined your intimate moment with lilia 

♡

anyone else super pumped for june? the events are gonna END ME and my gems lol ;w; i’m also making a kofi account soon, i thought that was just worth sharing lolol i might open three to five slots for writing commissions but i’m still unsure :))

love, a♕

[spacebunnysstars]

Hi! Do you think you can do some hc's for the demons bro, and a MC with really bad p. Cramps?

Of course!! As someone who gets really bad period symptoms myself I’m more than happy to write about this (I was just hit by the red demon hence why it has taken me so long to get to this 😅💗) oh and this will be gender neutral like my other headcannons! I hope that is okay any who! Enjoy!! 💗✨🌸🥺

The bros with a mc who gets bad period cramps UwU

Lucifer

What?

Why does such a hellish thing happen to humans who are weak enough as it is?

Genuinely confused but helps in anyway he can

Tried to soothe your pain but no physical contact;;

Even goes as far as to ask Solomon for a spell to help your pain

Has you in his office with him so he can keep an eye on you and you ‘condition’

Mammon

“So you suffer monthly;; so that you have the option to bare a child?...”

He’s so confused? Like why that’s not fair?

This bitch wAnts to punch your uterus for making his human suffer 😤👊

You tell him that that is not necessary and would only make it worse

He rubs your lower stomach to help ease the pain (this actually works)

Even asks the witches who constantly summon him for help and advice so that he can make sure you are comfortable

Levi

Oh damn..

None of his favourite anime characters ever had to deal with this?!?

So why you!?!?

He didn’t know what to do he was genuinely concerned;; he thought that you were dying and just lying to him so he didn’t wouldn’t think about loosing his true friend

This boi is P A R A N O I D

Talks to Solomon about it and confirms that you are not dying

He has a heated body pillow that he gives to you to help soothe the pain shhh this boi baas lacked physical affection for thousands of years;; he just wanted something warm to hold

Satan

This! Bitch! Knows!

Smart boi has studied and researched human anatomy and the science behind every organ and it’s purpose

He is so well informed that it slightly blows your mind

Has spells, tea, hot water bottles, medication and all forms of sanitary products ready and waiting for your use

Your comfort is his upmost priority!

Hot chocolate and binging new shows really help distract you from your body murdering you from the inside out

He actually always carries around sanitary products in his school bag/ jacket pocket for you just incase

Asmo

His knowledge of it is limited but knows enough to help out

It’s self care time all the time!!!

Pampers you and soothes your aches and sores any time you feel the discomfort of the cramps

Let’s you live in his fluffy robe

Bathes you!!! His bath tub is hugeeee! He runs a nice warm bath for the two of you to relax in (only if your comfortable with that of course)

Always touching you! He just wants you to know he’s there for you whenever you need him so he’ll always have a hand on your shoulder or enveloping you in a warm hug

Beel

:(

Sad to see you in pain

Wishes it was him instead

Gives you all his food

Soft boi would rather starve than see you suffer

It’s just not fair and he thinks it’s really mean oh your supposed to care but all you do is take // @god

Constant hugs!!!! He is basically a radiator

Who needs hot water bottles when you’ve got bees big hands

Does everything in his power to stop your pain or at least reduce it

He loves taking care of you and will not let anyone else bother you

Carries you to wherever you need to go

Belphie

What the ever loving fuck

Lilith never had to deal with something like this... did she?

Do naps help?

Naps help with everything

All the time is nap time

Snuggles!!!!

“I’m not doing this because I want to! It’s so that you’ll feel better and stop whining about it in my ear”

Another brother who is genuinely concerned for your health

Will rub your tummy and pet your hair

He really does care about you even if he doesn’t like to show it

Eeeee I hope you all enjoyed that! This was fun to write if you have any ideas or things you’d like to see me write requests are open and I’ve been really enjoying working on your suggestions and all of you are just so sweet so thank you!! Also constructive criticism is really appreciated! Thanks for reading and stay safe 💗✨🌸

[slasherbastard]

hiya! i hope you are doing well, i was wondering if i could get a matchup if you don’t mind!

my pronouns are she/her, im 4’10[baby hands, tiny feet size 2 to be exact ,but hugeeee thighs, a tummy and a fat ass], and my myers briggs type is intp-t. im an introvert around new people but extremely talkative around those im comfortable with. im bi & i use humor as a coping mechanism [sometimes gets me in trouble] . i have a potty mouth and can be really insensitive towards others feelings without actually realizing it. i have rather obsessive tendencies and easily gets fixated on one thing for months at a time. my current obsession is crocheting! my hobbies include: gardening, crocheting, spending money i don’t have on clothes, writing smut, and watching star wars.! i love to garden and be around flowers my favorite being cosmos. i like to present myself as confident though i’m actually really insecure. i love y2k as well as cottage core aesthetic, and if i was an animal i’d be a raccoon. go to pick up line is: damn baby you shit with that ass. thank youuuu <333

I wanna apologise because you've had to wait months for this but after way too long - I have finally paired you with

Anna/Huntress and Freddy Krueger!

(gif credit: google and horsearound)

Anna may come off as scary but she really isn't. Under these circumstances, you were probably either a survivor she had to sacrifice during a trial but either couldn't bring herself to kill you, or you managed to escape - or you might've been another killer she met in-between trials. Huntress does have a mean exterior but she also does have a soft side and a big heart (which she does try to hide when others are around). Her love language is gift giving, she isn't really one for affection since she isn't used to it but she will go out of her way to make and find you items like flowers and even your own mask (of a raccoon) if she has the time and resources. Her nickname for you is actually енот (raccoon in Russian) because you remind her so much of one. Dates with Anna would include going for walks in the somewhat safer areas of the northern woods where the more dangerous prey don't lurk. Huntress would probably hum her lullaby to herself as the two of you walked before stopping to talk with you about whatever was on either of your minds. She likes hearing you talk about your interests because yours and her lives are very different - unless you also lived most of your life alone in a forest - and she just finds you interesting in general.

Gardening! With! Anna! The Huntress is more of a "natural instincts" type which means she knows a thing or two about which plants in the northern woods are safe to eat and which weather conditions they thrive in. You would have to do all this before winter hits though, unless you want a frostbitten lip to match Anna's. She will insist on teaching you how to hunt and gather food for the frozen period but apart from that she also wants to learn how to garden with you even if you're just planting flowers outside the cabin to lighten it up a little more. There isn't much to do during the winter except for waiting for the warmer weather to break through, luckily you can pass the time with crocheting which really comes in hand with the colder weather. If you can, crochet her a sweater! She would practically end up living in it while she's around the cabin but if she suspects she's going to end up in another one of the Entity's trials she'll switch back into her worn out beige/white one she's more known for since she doesn't want your sweater getting dirty or ripped. You would probably end up making her a scarf or a set of gloves to wear as well just so she doesn't get frostbite again - if she hasn't already stolen said scarf or gloves, that is.

Forcing Freddy to watch Star Wars with you truly is something. He's never really been into that sort of stuff and he doesn't really understand what's going on but he'll try to enjoy it since he knows he's not getting out of this without not having seen at least one of the movies -but be warned, he's the type to half-jokingly yawn during the not so action-y parts and ask questions every two seconds. "Why does he wear that helmet?" "His face is burnt, just like yours Freddo"   "Ah. . .maybe I should get one as well. Who's that I forgot his name already-"     He's almost concerned with how much you swear - even he doesn't swear that much - it's gotten to the point where he has a tip jar set up in the kitchen specifically for you to fill and once it does eventually fill up, he gives you the money to spend on whatever you want before the cycle repeats itself again. Sometimes Freddy likes to surprise you with things that fit whatever you're fixating on at the time, maybe he'll show up with a plush of a character from a movie you like or materials for a certain craft you're enjoying. He isn't really one to indulge in other's interests unless either it peaks a genuine interest in him or if he's just bored.

Freddy loves your thighs, you can sometimes catch him running his fingers or his blades just running along the skin gently while the two of you are sitting together or while you're trying to fall asleep. He also likes that you can be mean even if you do it unknowingly. He thinks your sense of humour is funny and he also tries to be mean and tease you about things like your height even though he's only a few inches taller than you (he's just glad he's finally met someone shorter than him). Freddy will try to use your head as an arm rest and call you short but it never really does much since you'll just start roasting him. One thing that Freddy loves to tease you about is your risqué writing. Now, Freddy isn't one for reading - that is until he stumbled upon a piece of writing you were working on that you'd left open on your computer and of course his curiosity had gotten the best of him and he read the whole thing. He's a bit - actually, VERY - dirty minded so he brought this "writing piece" up with you immediately. Oh, the look on your face made him laugh. Let's just say that this made him want to visit your dreams a lot more than he already does. On the topic of romance, the first time you used your pickup line on Freddy he didn't know how to respond, he didn't know if he was supposed to be aroused or scared.

They're both aware of your insecurities but you really don't have to worry about that around these two because they don't care about those details you hate and also they've probably been through worse - look at Freddy, he looks like he was left in the air fryer for too long - so anything about yourself that makes you feel icky almost goes unnoticed by these two unless you mention it and it does makes them wonder how you can dislike those things about yourself. Of course, they've got their own insecurities themselves. Sometimes when Freddy catches a glimpse of his appearance in a mirror he may feel disgusting but he mostly just feels enraged by the reminder of what was done to him, but what really gets him is his fear of you leaving him for someone that isn't like him. It's hard learning about the Huntress' insecurities since she hides them so well and doesn't really seemed to be ashamed of anything but who knows?

[prorevenge]

You okay the project for the whole team? Great turn it in to the professor tomorrow

Tl/dr; Kids in group project don’t take having a real life client seriously, 1 fails, 1 fails and doesn’t graduate, and 1 goes from A to C and screws up GPA.

  Enough of the Backstory, here are the characters, obviously no where near their real names:

Matt - Professor

Client - Store owner

Damien - Project Partner

Jeff - Project Partner

Kirk - Project Partner

Barry - Me

      The SPRING class in this story was a Implementing Business Computer Systems class. For the yearly project we had a real life client that our school volunteered the students for Pro Bono work of small business in the area. We were seniors, so we are trusted with the clients work as it is oversaw by our professor. This is a big step and I, for one, am excited. I had been doing nothing but working as a Bartender/Server in a fine dining restaurant and having my head in books learning how to code with barely any time to do much else - this was an opportunity to get a taste of the real world we were about to embark on.

      The project started out fine, we all drive thirty minutes away to meet our client. A wonderful woman that owned a small floral business and she was paying 1-800-flowers to sell her product for her, which came with a website itself and a HUGEEEE price. This lady was also in her 60s and by no means fluent in computer - this is important for later. We talk, find out she wants a new website, her contract with 1-800-assholes ends in the summer. No pressure, we will be able to finish the web site and give it to her by the end of the semester, if not earlier. This will give us time to teach her what is needed and what to do so that she can maintain and run the website by her self. Afterwards we delegate the tasks, and since I have the most extensive background in coding and computers, I volunteer to learn how to create this website for our client as long as Damien, Jeff and Kirk work on the other parts of the project - the user guide and the technical documentation. For our client, this needed to be extensive so that she would be able to post her product on the website with an easy transition.

      As we weigh our options over the next week, we come up with some proposals to the client and we set a meeting to go over these on a Tuesday - the day everybody is the most free in their schedule - the following week. Sunday - Jeff says he can't make it, Kirk quickly responds and says he can't make it either. I say its cool, Damien and I will be able to make it. Monday - Damien says we should reschedule because now he can't make it. I say no, I will go by myself we shouldn't cancel on the client - no biggie, I understand things come up. As the project went through the semester, I am killing the website. I have a working e-commerce store integrated with the stores paypal, i have a shop tab, and a featured page for in season flowers. I ask about the documentation and the user manual and I am told by the all three of them that they are working on it and will have a rough draft for me soon to check out. Cool, No problem. Time to show the client the product to see if she wants any changes or if we should just continue creating this website for her; we set a meeting with the client on a Tuesday a week or two in advance and everybody says that is okay.

      Same song, different story. Sunday - Jeff says he can't make it, Kirk quickly responds and says he can't make it either. I say its cool, Damien and I will be able to make it. Monday - Damien says we should reschedule because now he can't make it. "I say fuck no, this is a client. You don't do that to clients." So I hop my ass by myself to drive 30 minutes to meet our client. I show the Client the website and she client is happy with the product and asks us to continue and she is excited for the finished product.

      How our weeks are set up is in such a way which they start on a Wednesday and end on a Tuesday. So the last day of classes are on a Tuesday. The school then gives an extra free day that Wednesday for a "Study Day", then the exams schedule goes Thu-Fri-Sat || Mon-Tues-Wed. I am sure you can infer what students do on that Tuesday before study day. Fast forward to the end of the semester, I still haven't seen any documentation or user manual and it is due on the class' exam day, which is the first day of exam week. So a week before it is due I am told I will have the documentation and user manual in my hand before our meeting which is at 12PM that study day - Wednesday. I receive a email at 11PM on Tuesday as I am getting off work and I see that is the technical documentation and the user manual. i open it up, promptly get pissed, turn off my laptop, play some xbox and pass out before midnight. The reason being, technical documentation was 1 page and did not contain anything about the Database Schema used, the website language, the paypal information, the emails registered. Just the URL and some other information that wasn't important and was half a page long. Remember how our client was in her 60s? The user manual was 1 and a half pages long and, I shit you not, contained about 5 sentences and 3 pictures with an arrow. 0 explanation on how to use the website.

      Come to the meeting at 12pm, I show up and wait about 5 minutes. I then text everybody asking where they are at, no response. I start looking over how to fix the user manual since I obviously have to start over. While I am working on it, I haven't said anything and then Damien walks into the room.

  D: "Did you get the docs?"

Me: "Yeah. You guys really think this is finished?"

D: "Oh yeah, it should be good to turn in."

Me: "Idk, I think we should add a little more, this is for our client, she won't understand this. Where is Jeff and Kirk?"

D: " ahhahaha We all got fucked up last night after finishing up the documentation, they are probably still passed out. Also, I'm turning it in tomorrow, if you want to do anything else go ahead, but whatever I have I am turning it in. I think its ready to turn it so I won't be doing anything else, I have other classes to study for. I already have an A in this class so it doesn't matter to me and Kirk and Jeff have A's as well so they don't care at all."

      Perfect he said the magic words and then he left with a flash drive. I immediately went upstairs and told my professor, Matt, everything. I said I don't want to leave my client hanging, yes my client, not ours. Matt said that he completely understands and even commends me for wanting to stay on top of everything and not give our client a bad taste for our students. He then asks why. I simply stated, "What you are about to receive tomorrow for 'our' project is completely unacceptable. It is unfair for us and for our client to leave her hanging." I showed him the website, which he likes and then I showed him the user guide and technical documentation. I asked for an extra week to finish the documentation and user guide - as I had a plan for what it should be and needed time to create it all. Matt said absolutely, but forget about the documentation. You obviously know what is in it, just focus on the client. So I created user videos with dictation, drove to the client and showed her how to use it all, where to find the videos. I even created a program that had all the videos inside so she could have it on her desktop and the program pulled up the video of her choice for whatever she needed help with with some buttons so she wouldn't have to search folders for the videos. I gave her my contact info and said I'll be here over the summer if she ever needs help with the website or has any questions and I can swing by.

    After all of this happened and afterwards I gave an update to Matt who also had an update from me. Apparently he almost failed the rest of my group because they turned in their project by slipping an unmarked USB drive under his door. He only accepted it after they emailed him asking him if he received the USB. Matt also called our client to verify my story of the fact that they never showed for client meetings and the client told him I was the only person that has been showing up. Hearing this from other people, anybody in my group that had A's in the class leading up to the project got a C, anybody with a B in the class failed. Damien's GPA was screwed up from this class as it was a 4 hours class. Kirk and Jeff both failed and Jeff wasn't allowed to graduate and Kirk had to retake it the next semester even though he wasn't graduating. My grade which was an 84 before the project was bumped to an A. The next year Damien asked how I did in that class because he was confused about his final grade, and I simply said I did fine, received an A. He has no idea the reason why. Don't f*ck with me and my grade and I won't f*ck with you.

(source) story by (/u/sw1mm3r202)

[jhope-seok]

Yin;Yang

Disclaimer: All of the things mentioned in this story are all works of fiction and have been made up by me, the author.  I did not intend to make anything based on real life, and any coincidences to real life are purely coincidences.

Warnings: mentions of cigarettes

Genre: Angst. Fluff. Slight Smut.

Members: Suga x Reader

Length: 7,447 words

Sequel to The One That Got Away

(A/N: holy cow wow. I got the itch to write this after hearing “All I Ask” by Adele and now this is a reality. I know I’ve been shite at posting my writing, but it’s bc i’m working on something huge right now and it’s taking all of my attention, but I took a break on my big project to write this so i can finally have my catharsis. Highly recommend reading the first part before reading this (it will make a whole lot of sense. Also a HUGEEEE thank you to @hungline for being the best beta ever. <3)

(A/N#2: HIGHLY RECOMMEND READING ON DESKTOP. Mobile screws up the formatting....reads way better on desktop.)

Masterlist

[Y/N 9:47pm] “I still love you.”

The cigarette in his fingers hovered midway on its journey to his mouth, the smoke trailing from the end the only thing letting him know time hadn't stopped. His eyes flickered back and forth from the words on the screen to the name at the top of the conversation. Suga had to sit up in his bed, as if it would help him focus better on his phone in front of him, and shook away his thoughts in an attempt to decipher if this was real or a dream.

“No,” he thought. “This is very real.” The sounds echoed up from the street below a good indication that he was, in fact, not dreaming.

He’s surprised to have heard from you at all, let alone the same night, especially after the way your time together had gone. If he had expected to hear from you, he would’ve thought to hear nasty words from you, something far different than the words he was staring at now. He had lied to you.

“I met someone.”

He was sure at the time that your words hadn't been a lie, that fate had somehow once again provided you both with a chance meeting with no options to move forward. But, looking back now, he guessed you had lied to him too.

“Me too.”

This text message almost proved to him that you had lied to him. He wasn’t sure if you had seen through his lie and were now trying to call him out on it, or if you had somehow slipped: sent a message to him that you had meant for someone else. Or, in a highly unlikely third possibility, if you had meant it for him--Suga wasn’t sure you had meant to actually send it. Either way, he knows that if he missed this opportunity to be with you, he would regret it forever.

There have been too many moments in his life where you were close in his grasp, so close he could’ve closed his fingers and you would’ve been together. Yet, every time you had always managed to slip away like grains of sand, leaving only an emptiness in his heart. He also knows that there have been times where he was to blame, his own actions having pushed you away, but he wanted to ensure that he took this opportunity to prove to you how much you mean to him.

[Suga 9:56pm] “Where are you?”

He knew this was not the answer you would have wanted back to your confession, but he couldn’t tell you how he felt through text. He knew he had to do it in person. He needed to see you, feel you in his arms when he said it back.

When his phone buzzed again in his hand, all that he had from you was an address. It wasn’t the same place where you had met earlier, and when he plugged it into his maps application on his phone, it seemed to be an apartment building. He immediately grabbed his coat and headed out the door of his hotel room.

The night air nipped at his skin as he tried to hold his hood as close to his face as possible, trying to shield his neck from the cold. He’s surprised at how much it had cooled down, almost positive that the temperature earlier had been hot enough to make his shirt stick to his back. Then again, that could've been from his anticipation of seeing you pushing his heart to pump the blood in his veins faster. But, he’s glad for the brisk walk, the air cooling down his body temperature as his heart raced. With every step he took he could feel his pulse raise slightly. He’s not sure what he wants to say to you when he sees you for the second time that night, but he knows he needs to make it count, otherwise this could very well be the end of a possible relationship--and friendship--with you. The end of everything between you two.

The last few weeks of his life had felt like a blur. What had felt like a normal Monday had wound up being one of the worst days of his life. He remembered the tone of his boss’s voice as he sat him down in his office and told him that, “Things just aren’t working out anymore.” Suga had, in the company’s eyes, been performing below standards.

“We just aren’t getting results from you like we used to. And you aren’t showing signs of improvement. You’re not listening to criticism, and you’re behind on all of the projects you’ve been given. We’ve given you a lot of opportunities to show us better, but unfortunately, things just are not working out anymore. We’re going to have to let you go.”

Suga remembered the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, the way his heart stopped for a moment. His brain couldn't comprehend what he was hearing. However, as he had packed his things, left the building and gone home to an empty apartment, he remembered feeling nothing. No anger towards his boss for firing him, no sadness at having lost his job. Nothing. He just kind of shrugged it off. He was emotionless at the thought of no longer having a job and having to find work for himself now for the future. None of that mattered.

And after a week of Suga laying around in his bed, doing the bare minimum to survive and ignoring almost every call from his girlfriend, she had finally gotten so fed up with him that she’d shown up at his apartment, just to break up with him.

“I just don’t get what’s happening, babe. I know you’re upset about having lost your job, but you won’t talk to me. You won’t answer my calls, you won’t respond to my texts. If you won’t open up to me then I can’t stay with you. This relationship isn’t a one way street, Yoongi. You act like you don’t love me anymore, and I can’t handle that. I love you, Yoongi, but you have to get your life together before we can work things out.”

He remembered how even after all of that, he’d just felt nothing. None of her words had pulled at his emotions, every word bouncing off of his skin, falling to the floor. It was all just air to him, wasted breath. Because she was right; he didn’t love her. She had just been a filler in his life. Something to make his parents believe he was living a “normal” life. He supposed at the beginning he had felt something for her, a flicker of something stronger than apathy. That's why he'd chosen to date her, but every night he laid in bed with her, every time she pulled him close, every time she kissed him, he was left wanting. She had left him wanting more, left his heart aching for something he knew he could never have. Nothing for him had been the same since college, and he knew that nothing ever would be.

After he had run out of food in his kitchen, after he’d gone through ordering delivery from every place within delivering range, he finally had decided to go to the grocery store and get himself food. He felt that it had been long enough and that he needed to go back to his facade of living like every other person. But, as he’d driven home from the store, some song on the radio had caught his ear. It was your favorite song, and hearing it flooded all of the memories of you he’d been holding at bay for so long. He remembered the first time he heard you sing along to the song, your eyes closed, voice slightly off key, dancing around like an idiot in the middle of your living room. He remembered listening to it in his college dorm room, during the moments he missed you most. Something inside of him snapped, and as he sat in his car outside of his apartment building, he cried. He really cried for the first time in years.

He let himself be sad over the times he’d lost you, he let himself cry at the thought that he’d let all communication with you drop because he was selfish. He cried because he'd let the one person he cared for most, slip away from him because being around you hurt. It had been the first time since freshman year of college that he truly felt pain. The wall he'd built to keep the hurt at bay finally fell away and released all of the things he'd held back for all those years. And as he'd wiped away his tears, and stared at the dashboard of his car, he thought to himself that he had to do something. He didn't know what he was going to do, or how he was going to fix things, but he needed to try.

So he ran up to his apartment, gathered a small bag of belongings, and drove home. He drove back to the city he'd been avoiding for three years. Along the way he called your parents. He still remembered your home phone number, the digits burned into his memory after having called so many times during high school before his parents had allowed him his first cell phone. When your mother answered she was surprised to hear his voice on the other line.

"Yoongi? Wow! It's great to hear from you for so long. I just saw your parents the other day at the grocery store. How are you?"

He initiated small talk for a while, shocked at how nice your mother was being to him considering how rude he’d been to you for the last three years. But eventually, he got to his point.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, I was calling because I recently got a new phone and couldn't switch over my contacts. I was wondering if you had a current cell phone number for Y/N? I'm coming home for the weekend and wanted to catch up with her."

He hadn’t exactly told the truth to your mom, but she bought it, quickly reciting off your cell number to him. He was thankful to find out that the number hadn’t actually changed. He contemplated the rest of the drive what he was going to send to you, what he was going to do now that he actually had a way to contact you. He felt bad about lying to your mom, so he felt like he should at least try to contact you, but he had no idea what he was going to say if he did. Suga had thought out many different versions of the same text, each sounding far too cheesy in his own mind. There was no way you would ever say yes to seeing him after all of the pain you’d gone through together, especially since after the last time you’d seen him, he had been the one to stop responding to your texts.

When he’d parked outside of the first hotel he could find in your city, he pulled out his phone and opened a new text message conversation. He punched in your number methodically, as if it hadn’t been three years since he’d last used the number. The cursor blinked on the screen at him, taunted him. It was telling him that if he wasted all of this gas to drive all of the way here, called your mother and lied to her about seeing you, and then word somehow got back to you that she spoke to him...he knew things would forever be ruined. He had to do something.

The sun was low in the sky, his courage fading with every minute, he knew it was now or never. It was worth a shot to him, so he typed quickly, and before he could think himself out of it, he hit the blue arrow, and the message was sent.

“Y/N–I’m in the area. Are you free to meet up? –Suga”

Why he had chosen to sign the his text with your chosen nickname for him from high school, he didn’t know. He waited, growing ever the more nervous as time went on. He panicked that he had gotten your number wrong, or that your mom had purposefully given him a false number. He chewed on his lower lip as he stared at his phone. He knew that the longer he watched his screen, the slower time would move.

So, he got out of his car, and walked into the hotel, and prayed that they had a room he could sleep in tonight. He hadn’t planned on staying long, but he figured that if he was here now he wasn’t going to push himself to drive all the way back to his apartment through the night. As he stepped into the lobby of the enormous hotel his phone buzzed in his hand.

“Sure, meet me at the park by the river in an hour.”

He almost dropped his phone as he read the words on his screen. You said yes. His heart jumped into his throat,anxious at the thought of seeing you again. He tried to calm himself, get his mind off of the situation that loomed in the near future, by speaking with the person at the front desk. Luckily for him they had one room left. He spent an approximate ten minutes getting himself situated in his room until he decided he could take it no longer, and grabbed the pack of cigarettes in his bag and headed out to the park you’d detailed.

It had been a while for him, walking among the streets of the city he grew up in. He was surprised at how natural it was to him, how easily he fell back into the same routine. There was only one park he thought you would be speaking of, and when you arrived, three cigarettes later, he was astonished at how it felt as if everything was exactly the same as he’d left it with you.

Except it wasn’t. You smoked, he smoked. You had both matured into beings so separate from each other, the only thing connecting you were the memories you shared between you. And he had revealed to you the truth behind those shared memories, he admitted how he’d been feeling for all of those years.

“I was going to ask you be my girlfriend.”

You’d responded in a way that didn’t catch him off guard as much as he thought you were expecting to catch him.

“That was the first time I remember wanting to tell you I loved you. The first time I wanted you to kiss me.”

But between you both, there had always been a catch.

“But you kissed her instead.”

He had always felt a need to lie, to protect himself from harm, from potential heartbreak. So when you’d called him by the nickname you’d come up with during freshman year of high school (“You’re sweet, Yoongi. You know that? I’m gonna call you Suga.”), he closed himself off immediately. He always had his guard up.

“I met someone.”

Until now.

When he arrived at the address you sent, he stood outside for several minutes, staring up at the windows above his head, trying to imagine what kind of scenario he was entering into. He pictured everything from you slapping him in the face saying that even though you still loved him, he had hurt you way too many times and he should have never spoken to you in the first place, to you crying and claiming he was the love of your life but that you were with someone else and you wouldn’t leave your boyfriend to chance a relationship with him. Although, he still had a small itch at the back of his head that you hadn’t been telling the truth when you’d told him you were seeing someone. Either way, he took one last breath of the cold air and headed inside.

He was surprised to find the front desk of your building empty at such a late hour, but he didn’t let that deter him from the task at hand. He easily found the elevator, and with every second it took for it to arrive, and then to deliver him to your floor, his heart began to race faster than he thought possible. He hadn’t mentally prepared himself to see you again so soon and now that he was mere steps away from you again, he wasn’t sure he could actually face you. But before he could blink, he was in front of the door marked with the same numbers as you’d sent in your address. And with three simple knocks there you were.

His breath hitched in his throat when he saw you in his sweatshirt. He was thrown back into the past to the day he gave it to you. It was the first and only time he had ever kissed you, and he had given you his favorite sweatshirt to remember him by. He never forgot how your lips felt against his, and he almost broke down and cried when he saw you wearing that memory so plainly in front of him. All of the words he’d intended to say escaped him as he stared at you. His past was colliding with his present and future and his sense of time was turned upside down, a loop that was connecting that day to this moment.

“Y/N--,” he started, his words falling into nothingness in the void between you. He had thought out his speech so carefully. He was going to tell you he’d lied, he was going to tell you how much you meant to him. But when he tried, there was nothing. When he couldn’t fill the space, you did.

“Suga--” was all you had to say. The precious nickname you’d shared for all those years was the only word it took to break through his wall, to force his guard down. Hearing it now was all it took for him to close the gap between you, and suddenly, just like that day all those years ago, he was kissing you. It was just as he remembered, just as he had re-lived over and over again in his dreams. Your hands easily found a grip at the nape of his neck, and his fingers curled around your waist, pulling you as close as physically possible. The space that had separated you both for so long closed so suddenly, you were like the most powerful magnets it the world. He never knew that the pain he had endured for so many years could be washed away as easily as it was washing away now. Your lips against his was the only medicine he needed to mend the hurt of past years, and he never wanted it to end.

In the past, he had imagined that if he were to ever have a chance to kiss you again, it would be awkward and uncomfortable, the memories of the past making it difficult for you both to fall into each other. Yet, it was anything but. Your lips tasted like all of the memories he never wanted to forget plus all of the memories he'd been trying to run away from all of these years. Your tongues clashed together in a choreography so synced it was as if you had done this a thousand times. He could feel your heartbeat against his chest and it was the perfect match to the beat inside of him.

As you pulled him into your apartment, he wondered when he'd memorized this routine you were both so quickly falling into. He felt as if time had been moving so fast before, and now with every second that passed, all of his senses were alight, aware of the mere milliseconds that passed as your limbs tangled together. It was so natural to him, the push and pull between you and him, as your fingers left his skin blazing as they danced across his back. When he found your skin under his sweatshirt, the heat from within you lit a fire inside of him that had long been extinguished.

It was a blur of passion that overtook every fiber of his being. He knew that if someone were ever to ask him to recall this night in the future, time would not be able to cloud the memory of the way your lips felt against his neck, or the way you clenched around him as your climax overtook you. Every movement you made against him molded him, shaped him, left its mark on his body, and he knew that he would never be the same.

In one of the few moments where your lips broke away from his, as his eyes fixed upon yours, he wondered how he ever convinced himself that any other woman had been the one for him. Your body melded with his like you were the yin to his yang, the perfect match for every movement his made. And when the night was over, as he kissed your skin, his head spun, love drunk on the taste of your sweat mixed with his.

As the moon shone brightly on your skin as you lay in his arms, the thought crossed his mind that this was where he was meant to be. When sleep fell over him, your scent surrounding him, he felt complete; fulfilled.

The sun woke him up as it usually did. He felt called by its rising, the warmth of its rays the only thing that had kept him sane all of these years. But, as he rubbed his eyes clear of his sleep, he realized something was off. You had left him, the sheets where you had lain were cold against his arms, empty like the bed. He heard you before he saw you, the clinking of something--likely a toothbrush--against the sink his only indication you were in the adjoining bathroom.

He shifted in bed, rested against your headboard, the wood cold against his bare back, unsure of what to make of this situation. Although he could not see your face, it was as if the air in the room had become denser than the night before. He could feel the tension between you and him, a rope strung taut as a heavy weight pulled upon it. He wondered to himself what had changed during the night, wondered how only a few hours could have shifted your feelings of him. He wasn’t yet ready to face these questions in his head, so he reached over into his pants that lay on the floor, and dug around for the pack of cigarettes he always kept in his back pocket.

He considered for a moment that it would be rude to light a cigarette in your apartment, in your bedroom during his first visit, but as he contemplated this his eye caught a trail of smoke leaving a still burning cigarette in an ashtray on your bedside table. The first hit off of a cigarette in the morning did more for him than a cup of coffee ever would, and as he exhaled, smoke dancing in the sunlight.

You yanked open the door of the bathroom, hair still wet, pants unbuttoned.

Suga stiffened, but before he could get out a word, you were rushing. “I’m going to be late for work, I have to go. You can let yourself out after me. Feel free to use the shower. Just lock the door behind you.”

Your last word still hung in the air as you ran out of the bedroom, into the living room. He heard you rustling around, moving through your apartment at such a fast pace that he thought if he was standing in the doorway watching you move, you would be a blur before his eyes. He imagined you were trying to get away from the situation, but he wasn’t quite sure why. He took a deep, deliberate breath, counting to himself the seconds it would take before he heard the front door click.

Twelve seconds.

He took another drag of his cigarette, wondering what he was supposed to do with himself, left alone in your apartment. He needed to shower, he still smelled like the events of last night. Yet, while it had lulled him to sleep the previous night--the thought lingering in his dreams that it had become his new favorite cologne--now the scent was making him lightheaded. But, he felt uneasy using your shower when you weren’t home, it was such a personal place that he felt he would be intruding. If he was being honest with himself, he felt like he was intruding even just sitting in your bed, so he got up, stretched and put his cigarette out in the ashtray, deciding it would be best if he just leave.

As he dressed, he couldn’t help but stare at his surroundings, wondering what it was like when he wasn't there to repel you out the front door; he wondered what your day to day life was like. He stood in the doorway to your bedroom, looking out at the living room. He saw you asleep on the couch after a long night of work, some show playing quietly on the television, your lullaby as you slept. He took a few steps and he could see your kitchen to his left. He pictured all of the meals you cooked, hoping that you had been eating well, and wondered if you had ever shared a meal with someone at your kitchen table. As he turned back around eyes cast back into the bedroom, he was presented with the thought that he had not been the first person to share your bed with you. He questioned how many had come before him, how many had been regular guests in your apartment, and how many had been like him, a one night stand to be left alone as you hurried out the door, away from the scene of the crime.

Everywhere he looked he could see the ghost of you, and he had the overwhelming sense that he was tired of thinking about your ghost. He was tired of only being left with the memory of you. He was exhausted from never being able to feel like he had won, that things in his life had settled and that he was where he meant to be. He wanted you, and he would not let you get away this time.

As he stood at your front door, hand gripping the handle tight, he promised himself that he would not let you get away, he would get you once and for all. He was meant to be with you, and he would be with you. He would do whatever it took to make that happen.

As you sit at your desk at work, you can't help but be consumed with regret at your actions from the morning. Your boss tells you that you seem out of it, unfocused. She brings you into her office, and asks if something happened. You lie and say no, knowing that if you were to tell her she would reprimand you for being so absent-minded over a boy. She tells you that if you need to go take a smoke break you're more than welcome, but you shake your hand at her, saying you were just tired from a long night. She smiles politely and tells you that she understands, but reminds you that you have an important task due by the end of the workday. You nod and go back to your desk.

So you do your best to focus, trying to get through the day, one word, one page, one assignment at a time. You’re sifting through the paper on your desk when your phone chimes. Your heart races as you reach for it, hoping to see his name on your screen. When you realize it was just a message from your mom reminding you that your father's birthday was coming up, your heart sinks, and the shame from the way you acted to Suga comes back like a brick wall.

You want to apologize to him, but you're unsure of how to do so. You acted like you hated him this morning, like he had given you some incurable disease. But in reality, you were mad with yourself. You had let yourself slip, let your strong facade give way for a moment, and although you showed your true self to Suga last night, you knew you could never be with him and you regretted the fact that you let yourself set a standard that you know no person could ever reach. Suga was the only person you wanted to be with, but he'd cheated on his girlfriend with you.

You were back and forth all day as to what you wanted to do, whether you should text him and tell him how much you really still loved him, or if you should pick yourself up and pretend like this never happened. After all, if there was another woman in his life, you couldn't ask him to leave her for you. He had never asked you to leave your boyfriends in the past, and you had never asked him to leave any of his girlfriends. You wanted so badly to be selfish, but your heart was telling you this had to be the end of it with Suga. You had to let him go. Once and for all.

When the clock struck 6:00pm, you gathered your belongings and went home, resolved to let last night lay in the past, no matter how much it broke your heart to do so.

The rest of the day, Suga spent pacing his hotel room. He was at war with himself. He was so desperate to make you his, he was telling himself he would do whatever it took. But there had been many times where he had second guessed himself. He'd been so determined when he left your apartment, that on his walk home he threw his pack of cigarettes in the first trash can he saw. He somehow stupidly thought it would be a way to show he was committed to you. He regretted that an hour later when his nerves caught up with him.

His brain had presented him with the very real possibility that his previous assumption that you had lied about meeting someone was, in fact, not a lie. That the reason you'd run out on him this morning was because you realized how much you had truly fucked up by cheating on this new person with him. He was convinced that any attempt he would make to win you over would be thwarted by the simple words, "I have a boyfriend." He was so sure, but there was one minuscule part of him that still believed it was false. And that part was fueling his fire. The tiny flame that refused to be doused.

Slowly, for the rest of the day, as the sun got hotter, so did the flame inside of him. He tried to switch his inner mantra from "She's going to reject me" to "I have a chance." His whole life, there had been so many missed chances with you. If he let this time be another one, another moment that you were able to slip through his grasp, he wondered what the purpose of life would be for him after this day. So he gathered himself, and decided he needed to see you. He needed to take the leap and just do it for once.

He quickly searched on his phone for the nearest flower shop to him. He spent a long time talking with the man behind the counter, deciding on the perfect kind of flowers to portray his feelings. He knew roses were the wrong kinds of flowers to express what he was feeling, and in the end they had decided on a mix of dahlias, peonies, with lavender mixed throughout. The man at the flower shop, Jungkook, had informed him that if he was trying to show commitment and devotion to a girl he was pining after that dahlias and peonies were the flowers to choose.

As Suga left the shop, he was taken with how much his heart had steadied, with every step he took closer to your apartment he felt his heartbeat calm, his mood lift, and his smile grow wider. All of his anxieties from earlier had disappeared. He could feel it. This time it would be real.

But, he realized he should probably not show up unannounced at your apartment. He wasn't even sure that you were home yet after work. In fact, he wasn’t even sure what time it was. The sun in the sky indicated that it was sometime mid evening, the sky having turned a warm pink as he made his way through the city. He dug his phone out of his back pocket, careful not to ruffle the bouquet and pulled up your conversation from the previous night. He reread the messages, wondering to himself what it would be like to hear you say what you'd wrote to him.

"I still love you."

He could almost hear it if he closed his eyes, but he stopped himself from lingering in his thoughts too long. He needed to focus on the present, on the now. He clicked on your contact information and pressed the phone icon as it prompted him: "Voice call" or "Facetime audio." Suga's finger hovered over his screen. He hesitated, unsure of how you would react to a phone call from him so soon. He ran through all of the possible scenarios in his mind again, but then landed on the decision that he didn't care, he needed to do this. At the very least he needed to do it to have a moment to look back on and say “At least I tried.” So, he pressed down, the dialing sounds filling his ears.

"Hello?" Your voice coming through his speaker sounded surprised. There was also a hint of anger that he couldn't place. 'Is she angry I called?' he wondered to himself.

“Suga?” you prompted him, and he realized that he hadn’t actually said anything.

“Y/N, are you busy?” He cut to the chase, not bothering with awkward pleasantries. He knew that if he let himself beat around the bush he would wind up hanging up and regretting his choice.

“No. I just got back from work.” You paused, and he was taken aback by how, real this conversation sounded. To an outsider on either side of the conversation they might think that this was just a normal chat between a boyfriend and girlfriend. Or at least a regular conversation between friends. Something he hadn’t called you for a long time.

“Why? What’s up?” You asked.

“Oh.” After everything he’d gone through in his head, he’d missed the one scenario where you asked why he was calling. “No reason,” he lied. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”

He shook his head at his own stupid lie. He was ashamed that he’d lost confidence so quickly. After so many hours of working himself up, he’d fallen so fast in the face of a question he hadn’t been prepared to answer.

He could hear your breath hitch through the phone. “O-oh.” After a few awkward beats you continued. “Okay. When do you go back?”

“Tomorrow.”

You bit down on your lip hard, chewing to keep yourself from asking the only question you wanted to ask. You yearned to see him again. You wished you could hold him in your arms one last time, feel his body against yours, taste him against your lips. But you refrained.

“Well, travel safe, I guess,” you murmured.

“Thanks, Y/N.” His voice sounded soft. You wondered where he was, what he was doing that prompted him to call you. He had never been the type to call without a reason. Not recently, at least. As you threw your phone down behind you on your bed, your eyes caught sight of the arm of his sweatshirt peeking out from the under the bed. As you reached for it, you figured it must have gotten kicked under your bed in the haste that was made to remove each other of all clothing last night.

You pulled it on over your body, relishing in how soft it felt against your skin, imagining that the fabric was his hands, brushing over your arms as he pulled you close. You wondered if this would be your new normal, if you would forever be left with this yearning inside to relive the events of the previous evening. You knew that no one would ever live up to anything he had given you, would never make you feel anything compared to the way he made you feel. And while these thoughts were running through your mind, you still wished somehow you could make it work: fix the past, and forge a new path, together.

You sighed to yourself. What you both had done last night had been a mistake, you reasoned. He said he had met someone. He had cheated, and you hadn’t stopped him, in fact, you were the one who started it after all. You should have respected his boundaries, but now he would have to go back to his girlfriend and tell her that he cheated with some nobody from his past.

You shuffled through your bedroom to your couch, tears slowly streaming down your face as your mind ran through the negatives. There was no way for you and him to work. The past was a prime example of that. Every time your paths crossed, it was as if you were looking at him from below and he at you from above. At the same place but never truly together.

You turned on the television to try and drown out your thoughts as you wrapped yourself in your favorite blanket. “At least I have this to remember him by,” you thought, as you pulled the hood up over your head. You were keen to lay on your couch for the rest of the night, letting the sounds from whatever show was on to muffle your thoughts and lull you to sleep. But after only a few minutes there was a sudden knock on your door. You turned the sound down on the television, hoping that whoever it was would assume you weren’t home and would go away.

But they didn’t seem to be fooled by your act. They knocked again, three raps on the door. You lifted yourself into a seated position, still hoping that they would go away if you just never answered.

“Please, answer the door. Answer it, Y/N. Where is she?” Came muffled behind the door, his voice sounded impatient and anxious. You stood in your spot at the sound of his voice, the blanket falling to your feet. You rushed to the door, heart pounding in your chest as you fumbled with the locks. You had to see him, had to prove that this wasn’t a dream. As cliche as it sounded in your head, you had to know that he had come back for you.

Your heart felt like it would burst up through your throat at the sight of him in your doorway. You were speechless as you stared into his eyes. The tears that had subsided from earlier returned as you fell into his arms. You heard something that sounded like plastic crumple as it thudded by your feet. Your brain briefly wondered what had made such a sound, but all that mattered to you was his warmth that surrounded you in an embrace that cured all of your broken hearts from all of the years past.

“How are you here?” Was all you managed to get out, the only words that made sense to your brain.

“Y/N, I’m here for you. I’m not leaving without you this time,” his breath fanned over your hair, a calm reassurance. “I am leaving tomorrow, but I can’t go back without knowing you’re mine.”

You lifted your face from his chest, a tingling spreading throughout you. “This is real,” you repeat in your mind, a mantra you have to keep to stop yourself from collapsing at his feet.

“Suga, I have always been yours.” A smile spread across your face, a contrast to the tears that were still raining down your cheeks.

“I know,” he whispered, as he wiped away the tears on your face. “And I’m yours too. I love you, Y/N. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you in photography class freshman year. I have loved you since the first time I kissed you. And I will love you until the moon falls out of the sky.”

You chuckled, the joy now evident on your face. As you kissed him, your pain melted away, your heart beat with a new life. Your arms laced behind his neck, his hands wrapped tight around your waist, you knew: you had found the place that you wanted to be forever.

He did leave the next day, moved back for a month, but he called you every day and visited on the weekends. He owned up to the fact that he lied about having a girlfriend, and you told him the truth as well. He’d brought you flowers, which wound up slightly crumpled, but you reassured him that all that mattered was the thought. He didn’t tell you about how much thought was put into them, but he smiled as you rummaged around for anything large enough to hold the bouquet. (Which wound up being an old wine bottle you rinsed out in a hurry so they had somewhere to go).

You apologized for running out on him the morning after your first night together, and he laughed as you explained your embarrassment. He told you he’d gotten fired from his job, but that he would look for a new one, one that was much closer to you.

He also said that the only reason he had to move back was so he could finish out his lease, and that he’d already spoken to his parents about moving in with them until he could find another job and a new apartment. You told him it was unnecessary, that although you were going to take your new relationship slow, you would be more than happy to have him live in the spare bedroom in your apartment. You had been best friends for years, there was no way you would let him stay with his parents, especially when you had an empty room that you’d never gotten around to renting out. He said he would consider it once his lease was over.

After all, it felt like no time had passed; as if time had just stopped, waiting for the two of you to reunite again and pick up where you’d left off. Which is exactly what you told him, but that this time you were moving forward with the title of boyfriend and girlfriend.

“And, you know,” you paused, a laugh escaping your lips. “A lot more sex.”

He had laughed at that. A sound that lit a flame inside of you that had long been smothered. You were so elated to finally have your best friend back, and it felt like a burden had been lifted from your chest, one that you’d been holding on to for far too long.

You could see into your future together, and the questions he had asked you now became clear, the answers laid out in the years to come so apparent.

“What would have happened had we been together? Would we still be together? Would we be married? Would we have kids?”

As he held you in his arms at night, his heartbeat the lullaby that sung you to sleep, you knew that the answers to everything would be yes. All of those missed opportunities meant to serve as a purpose. You had both matured, ready for forever. Forever with each other. Suga was your perfect match, as you were his. You belonged together, just like the sun needed the moon. With him, you were home.

feedback is always welcome! please feel free to leave some here!

[allmyloveavery]

3 AM ~ D.S.

A/N: I lowkey had a moment of weakness for the Daniel lane while writing this. Anyway, I wrote this last night at like 1 am and I hope you guys like this. Hugeeee thank you to my babe Viki ( @nightsspentthinking ) for proofreading this, you’re the real mvp ily Vik.

REQUESTED? No, I just felt like writing some fluff 

SUMMARY: You move to the other side of the country and are hoping for a fresh start and new people. Turns out that’s exactly what you find when you meet the boy next door

As your mom drives on the freeway, for what seems like hours you hum along to the songs in your playlist while following the raindrops on the window.  She finally pulls up to your driveway and you go to grab your last few bags from the backseat. Your mom traveled a lot for her work and once again they asked her to take over an office on the other side of the country. You’d been to the house a few times before to help your mom out with furniture and already bring some things over, but today you finally brought the last of your stuff to the house. In a way you were kind of excited this time around, you were ready for a fresh start and new people. When you and your mom came to see the house for the first time you briefly met your neighbor. You remember him introducing himself as Daniel. He seemed really nice and he came to bring you and your mom a cake his mom baked, he said it was this thing she did whenever new people moved into the neighborhood, sort of like a welcome gift.

A few weeks went by and even though you lived next to him, you only saw him in the morning when you went to your car to leave for class. You guys would always shyly wave and greet each other. But that would change soon enough you just didn’t know it yet.

It was about almost 3 am and you were just listening to some music in your room while trying to write an essay for your psychology class. You started to get tired around 1 am so you’d already had about 3 cups of coffee to stay awake and finish it. “Ugh” you say as you delete the last paragraph you wrote. Suddenly you hear a knock on your window. You get up from your chair to investigate the window. Your curtain had been open just a little and you peeked through the small crack before opening the rest of the curtain. You’re surprised when you see Daniel squatting in front of your bedroom window and raise your eyebrow at him before opening the window. “Before you ask I’m aware it’s 3 in the morning but, I lost my cat.” You can’t help but chuckle at his comment. “So, you knocked on my window at 3 in the morning because you lost your cat?” “Yes, well actually no, it’s not my cat I’m cat-sitting for a friend but I need you to help me find it.”

“Why me?” He looked at you and thought about it for a second. “Well, doesn’t this qualify as one of those spontaneous midnight things you do with the girl next door?”  You both chuckle and you eventually give in to help him find the cat. “Alright I’ll help you, what does it look like?” Daniel smiles, beaming with excitement as you agree to help him. “It’s a white Persian cat, he’s kind of chubby and looks angry at all times like he’s plotting a murder.“ You giggle because of Daniels description. “Okay, let’s go find your killer cat then.” You follow Daniel through your window to go outside. “So what’s the plan Danny boy?” “Really? Danny boy? You could’ve picked anything and you went with that?.” He shakes his head while chuckling. “If you get to call me ‘the girl next door’ I get to give you a nickname too.” He sighs and pulls a face. “Alright, Danny boy it is then.”  

“That’s him!” Daniel exclaims pointing at a white ball of fur. After staying out for about 2 hours looking for the cat and joking around with Daniel, you finally found him 2 blocks away from yours, napping on someone’s front porch. “Well, what are you waiting for, go grab him.” As Daniel walked up the porch quietly to try and grab the cat, you stood on the road watching him with a smile on your face. This boy was something else and you had to admit it intrigued you.  Daniel walked back to you with the cat in his arms and proudly said: “I caught him.” You couldn’t help but smile and took a quick picture of him with the cat. “What was that for?” he asked in amusement. “Just to remember you by.” You answered with a smirk. “Danny boy, the guy next door that comes knocking on your window at 3 in the morning on a school night, to ask for help finding a cat.” Daniel smiled and answered: “That will be my legacy.” He took out his phone as you were laughing at his comment and took a picture. You asked him the same question he had asked you and the blue-eyed boy looked you straight in the eyes. “To remember that I can always count on the cute girl next door that has a beautiful smile.” You couldn’t help but blush and look away after quickly whispering a ‘thank you’.

It was around 6 AM by the time you and Daniel had made it back to your street. Daniel had insisted on climbing up to your window with you to make sure you got inside safely. After you’d agreed and got inside, he sat down in your window. “I had a lot of fun.” he said while looking at you intently. “me too” you answered and paused for a second before continuing. “You’re the only person I would follow outside at 3 in the morning to go search for a cat.” Daniel smirked while scratching the back of his neck. “We should do this more often, it can be our thing.” You thought about it for a second and smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.” After saying your goodbyes and giving him a hug, he looked back while getting out through the window and said: “Sweet dreams, Y/N”. “So you do know my name!” you had answered him before shooting him a radiant smile. “Of course I do, how can I forget the name of the pretty girl next door?” That’s the last he said before climbing down again and you thank god that he didn’t see you blush at his comment again.

After that night Daniel would come knocking on your window in the middle of the night every so often. He’d use anything as an excuse to come over and see you and tonight was no different. Once again you were up late working on a paper for one of your classes when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turn around ready to fight someone only to see Daniel standing in front of you. “Woah easy there Y/N, it’s just me.” He said before bursting out in laughter. “Would you stop coming in through the window, it scares the hell out of me every time! I told you to knock, and not just waltz in.” He chuckled “I know, I’m sorry, but your reaction is just so priceless every time.” “One day I will end up actually hitting you and it won’t be so funny anymore Danny boy.” He scoffed jokingly and swung his arm over your shoulder. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly, let’s be real.” “Hey” you whined at him “I don’t need the confirmation, Daniel.” You messed up his hair before asking what he wanted to do this time.

 “I was wondering if you wanted to go outside and stargaze for a little, I couldn’t sleep and I sat on the roof for a little and saw the light in your room was still on, so I thought I’d come over and ask if you wanted to join me.” You had always been a big fan of stargazing and excitedly exclaimed ‘yes’ before grabbing his hand and dragging him outside. You and Daniel sat on your roof for about an hour talking about all different kinds of things with a nice cup of coffee to stay warm. Daniel had brought a thermos filled with coffee because he knew you’d eventually need it. It was pretty chilly tonight and you hadn’t bothered to change out of your top and shorts to go outside. Daniel saw you shiver from the corner of his eye. “Are you cold?” he asked a little worried about you. “Just a little, I’ll go grab a jacket in a second.” He took off the sweatshirt he was wearing and gave it to you “nonsense, you can wear my sweatshirt.” You gladly took it and thanked him with a hug. “You look cute” he blurted out looking at you while biting his lip. You covered half of your face with the big sleeves of Daniels sweatshirt so he couldn’t see you smile. “I know you’re blushing Y/N, it’s no use to try and hide it.” He gently took your hands away from your face and looked at your face in the moonlight. He brushed his thumb over your cheek while staring into your eyes. “Do you want to kiss as badly as I do right now?” he asked while shifting his gaze to your lips. “yes” is all you said and with that, your lips connected.

After the gentle kiss Daniel grabbed his phone and snapped a picture of you blushing and smiling. It had become a habit to snap a quick picture by the end of the night, to remember your little spontaneous adventures. Even though you would always take these pictures you would still ask each other what you wanted to remember this night by. “What memory is going to go with that picture?” you asked him curiously. “It’s the night I kissed the beautiful girl next door and asked her to be my girlfriend.” You blushed even harder after hearing those words but end up grabbing your phone to snap a picture as well. “To me, it’ll be the night the cute boy next door finally kissed me and I said yes to being his girlfriend.” He gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead and you laid your head on his shoulder to continue stargazing.

[peachyyluxx]

NCT Hyungs Reaction: Having Your First Kiss and Getting Caught!

Taeyong:

So your first kiss with Lee Taeyong here, the cutie patootie boy who can also be a rude man on stage. I feel like Taeyong is a hopeless romantic because he seems to have that side of him since he's sO GODDAMN CUTE-

i'm getting off track. Anywho, I feel like Taeyong would try to make your first kiss special. As in take you out to a nice picnic by the lake and watch the water ripple when you throw stones in it. He prepared everything himself, he even forgot to tell you about the date. So just imagine opening your door to a cutely dressed Taeyong, holding a picnic basket in one hand and a cute stuffed bear in the other one. He'd be pretty embarrassed that he forgot to tell you, but you assured him it was fine and you both went on the date.

So flash forward to when he decided to kiss you. His palms were sweaty because he was just so GODDAMN NERVOUS YOU LOOKED SO PRETTY AND HE THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE TRASH COMPARED TO YOU OMFG

But anyways, he was feeding you a fruit and saw that some of it's juices landed on the side of your mouth, so he wiped it off slowly with his thumb. He smiled softly, looking into your eyes and then leaned in, kissing you softly, letting his eyes close.  His lips were as soft as they appeared, his mouth moving in perfect sync with your own. His arms slowly wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to his warm body, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Now let's get to the getting caught part.

Anyways, there you two were, having some lip action moment, and low and behold, the Dreamies decided "Hey, let's go to the lake today! It'll be fun, right?"

WRONG.

"Hyung?!" Poor Jisung had his eyes covered by Chenle, who had his eyes covered by Haechan, and so forth until Mark was the only one staring, trying to cover his own eyes, but he couldn't.

"W-what are you doing here?!" Taeyong would pull away, feeling embarrassment rise in to his face, taking the form of a bright red blush. You just awkwardly coughed, looking anywhere but the innocence-ruined Dreamies.

"We wanted to go swimming and-" Mark starts, but Haechan runs over, scooching next to you.

"Food! Hi! Nice to finally meet you (y/n)!" He hummed, stuffing his face happily with the great food that Taeyong prepared. Taeyong's eyes and yours met, sharing the confusion of the situation.

"..You won't tell the others, right?"

"Oh no we are."

Taeil:

Okay but this cutie will probably do it unexpectedly.

I take Taeil for like someone who does things on the spot but has social anxiety about the consequences. He's just an all around nice guy.

So, what I picture is, he'd take you on a date to the Aquarium and most likely do it in front of the fishies, because he thought you looked beautiful with the blue hue of light coming from the lights on the tank water reflecting on your features.

You two were looking at the fish tank, your eyes captivated by the beautiful array of fish, while his eyes were captivated by the beauty that is you. Your eyes lit up from sheer excitement from the fishes, while his eyes lit up with sheer love, watching as you put your hand on the tank softly, gasping to yourself as a fish rubs against the glass, right where your hand wa.

"Taeil, did you see that?! Did you.." You quickly turned to Taeil, excitement showing clearly on your face, but your slowly faltered with your sentence, staring into Taeil's eyes. They where filled with love and care, just for you. Taeil unexpectedly leaned in, capturing your lips against his own.

So, you two would be in the middle of the aquarium, having a beautiful first kiss right in front of the fish, when a camera sound goes off.

"awe cute." Johnny said, you two jumping apart. Taeil's face flushed in embarrassment as he ran around, trying to chase Johnny and delete the picture. Jaehyun just stood next to you, both of you chuckling at the scene.

"You're going to send that to me, right?"

"I will don't worry (y/n)."

Johnny:

okay time for the tol bean Johnny Seo.

I feel as though he'd make it as casual as possible, so maybe while you two were just chilling and playing video games together.

It would be in the middle of Mario Kart, an intense game of it, that is. He would have won against one of the members, jumping up and down in glee. While you were laughing and clapping at his sudden enjoyment of winning, you felt yourself being picked up by the string bean himself, his lips quickly meeting yours. The room would've been filled with gasps from the other members, not even knowing that you two were dating (or they're just over dramatic like that).

"Jagi I won!" Johnny said, oblivious to the fact you both jUST HAD YOUR FIRST KISS OVER A VIDEO GAME VICTORY, AND IN FRONT OF THE MEMBERS.

"..You know...you have a room. you should use it for this." doyoung said sarcastically, angrily dropping his game controller. Johnny then realizes what he just did, lowkey freaking out, but trying not to show it.

"I-I know! Psh, i just wanted to show you nerds who has a girlfriend."

Yuta:

Yo yo yo it's Osaka Prince Yutaaaa.

This cheesy ass muthafrucker would most likely make a hugeeee deal about your first kiss, wanting it to be perfect to a T.

You two would be out on the town, cuddling each other for warmth, since it was the winter. Snow was falling and you were watching the snow, your eyes shining with pure wonder as the snow fell on to cars passing by. Yuta would look down at you, a smile appearing on his face as a sudden idea appeared in his head. He bent down, pretending to tie his shoe, but he quickly made a snowball, throwing it at your back. You slightly stumble from the sudden attack, but you smirk.

"It's on!"

Que the 30 minutes you and Yuta spend running around town, throwing snowballs at each other and trying to catch each other. Though you were close to the dorms, you tripped and fell into a big pile of snow, Yuta laughing his butt off as you completely disappeared into the snow. He then helped you out, laughter still erupting from him as he wiped off the snow from your big jacket and your hair. As he put his hands on your hair and slowly ran his hands through it to get the snow out, a bright smile was evident on his face, his eyes looking down lovingly into your own. He'd lean down, stopping just before his lips met your own, giving a small but teasing smile. You rolled your eyes, smashing your lips to his, taking him by surprise by the sudden force you held. You both fell to the ground, not hurt from the fall since the snow cushioned it. You pulled away, chuckling to one another and Yuta nuzzled his nose against yours.

"Ew keep the PDA on the down low, bro." Haechan stuck his tongue out, walking with the Dreamies into the dorm building.

"My innocence is ruined." Chenle muttered, shaking his head disapprovingly at his hyung.

"You'll understand when you're older Chenle."

"I don't want to understand I just want to eat."

Ten/Chittaphon:

Cheesy to the max honestly. Ten is such a cute and cuddly dude, I see him planning to have your first kiss at the top of a ferris wheel or at the carnival.

Okay so, Ten and you would be at the carnival, having the bestest time of your lives because Ten is right there with you and who would't have an amazing time with this fluffball, and you both pass a booth. Ten backs up, seeing a big panda bear staring right back at him, calling out to him

"Yo Ten ya gotta get me. your girl will be so happy."

"Ten why is that bear talking?"

anYWHO.

Ten wins that bear for you easily, so now you're lugging around this HUGE BEAR LIKE BIGGER THAN YOU AND TEN IS JUST SMILING PROUDLY CUZ YOU LOOK SO HAPPY HOLDING THE CUTEST BEAR IN THE WORLD--EVEN THO IT'S NOT HIM--

*ehem* okay so you two get to the ferris wheel and stuff, ten slightly being afraid of the height, but it's nothing he can't handle, he has the most cuddly thing by his side, and you of course.

Once you two get to the top, the ferris wheel stops, giving you both a perfect view of the beautiful ocean below you. The sun was just setting, so it set up a perfect moment that Ten wanted.

"(y/n).." He muttered, looking down at you. You looked back up at him, the sunset reflecting on your eyes. He smiled softly, leaning down and capturing your lips with own.

"SEE I KNEW HE WOULD! YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS WINWIN!" Yuta yelled, shaking the cart lightly, but WinWin holds on, fearing his life.

"I don't want to die remembering Ten and his girlfriend's kiss-YUTA STOOPPP!"

Doyoung:

okAY BUT LOOK AT MY CUTE YOUNG BUNNY BABY. THAT SMILE THAT LITTLE SHY  OMFG HE ISN'T EVEN MY BIAS BUT I JUSYGTM REG--

*ehem* okay back to the point.

I feel like Young Bunny here would be a little shy with everything that he wants to plan, to have it perfect, but it obviously will be spontaneous because he's just like that (when he opens up).

for some reason i'm getting beach vibes from him, so it'll be at the beach.

You both planned a beach date together, but the boys decided they wanted to go to the beach, so they tagged along. They promised to leave you two to yourselves, though. They just wanted a ride.

So you two are lounging on the beach, getting your sweet ass tans on, when Doyoung pulls you up, carrying you in his arms towards the ocean. You were wondering what he was doing, until he just. threw you in the ocean.

he freaking THREW YOU IN THE OCEAN LIKE WHOOPS THERE'S TRASH IN THE OCEAN NOW.

You got so angry and started to chase him around, the boys shrugging and continuing on with their fun cuz they said they wouldn't bother you. You tackle Doyoung into the water, FINALLY getting him wet but dayum his hair looks so nice just sticking to his face like-

Doyoung then grabbed you easily when you tried to run away, hugging you tightly and spinning your around. He then spun you towards him,letting his forehead rest against your own while breathing heavily.

"You're in so much trouble. It's freezing in that water." He muttered, pouting. You just smiled, leaning up and capturing his lips, Doyoung's eyes widening from being of guard, but he closes them and kisses back, wrapping his arms around you.

"...should we just..." WinWin mutters, Jaehyung awkwardly picking up the beach ball that was floating at your feet, waddling away from you two.

"We said we'd leave them alone.."

Jaehyun:

This bias wrecking hoe- i mean this lOVING boy would probably also be one for spontaneous kissing.

It would be after you two were coming back from a midnight date at the movies, Jaehyun walking up to his dorm. His arms would be tightly wrapped around you as he dropped you off, not wanting to let you go as you both were outside the dorm entrance door, talking quietly since you didn't want to wake up the boys.

"You better text me when you get home." Jaehyun threatened jokingly, you holding up your arms in defense.

"I will don't worry." You smiled, pinching his cute lil cheek. Jaehyun just smiled, continuing to hold you in his arms. Even though it was late, he didn't seem tired at all. He just wanted to continue to hold you in his arms, letting the the warmth of you two mix as one. Jaehyun looked down, feeling your head nuzzle against his chest. He smiled yet again, lifting up your chin so your eyes could meet. He leaned down, giving your nose a small peck, before kissing you. Your arms tightened around him and he held you close, smiling into the kiss.

"At least have the decency not to do it right outside the dorms, please." Taeyong's voice appeared out of nowhere, you two jumping apart quickly. Taeyong leaned on the wall, an annoyed look on his face appearing (at least you thought he was annoyed, he had a facemask on). Jaehyun got pulled in by Taeyong and before you both could say goodbye, Taeyong closed the door. "Goodnight (y/n)!"

WinWin:

Awe awe this bean finally.

Okay So i feel as though WinWin would plan the kiss so far that he would begin to get nervous.

As soon as you opened the door, the plan suddenly started to go awry. Everything he planned for the day just wnet bye bye.

He forgot to make a reservation, so you two ended up eating at a nice diner. He wanted to take you to the park, but turns out it was getting renovations for the playground, so you two went to the mall instead.

It was still a fun day, trust me, but WinWin just felt so down that nothing went as planned, as you saw how sad he was, so you took him to the bridge where you first met, because he always lights up in happiness just remembering that day, happy that he went to that bridge in the first place to make a wish.

"At least one thing will go right today." He joked, giving you one coin, then throwing his own into the river, closing his eyes and wishing the hardest he could. It was adorable, really, seeing WinWin's eyes closed tightly and his hands wrapping around yours as he wished. You then threw your own coin into the river, closing your eyes tightly and wishing the hardest you could ever.

"What did you wish for?" You asked WinWin, but he just shrugged sheepishly, looking down at his feet. It was a small tradition between you two, telling each other what you wished for, because it usually becomes true a few days later.

"I-It's nothing.." He muttered, looking down into your eyes. You smiled, giving his nose a small nuzzle.

"I wished for NCT to have all the success they could possible have because you guys deserve it." Now this made WinWin's heart completely melt, hearing how supportive you are of him. Without thinking, he leaned down quickly, giving you a small but soft kiss on the lips. Once realizing what he did, he went to pull away, but you pulled him back in, smiling into the kiss. WinWin smiles also, both of your heads resting on one another soo after.

"I-I wished for you to kiss me." He muttered sheepishly.

"WELL LOOKS LIKE YOUR WISH COME TRUE GOOD JOB WINNIE." Yuta clapped, WinWin screeching and hiding behind you.

"WAHHH HYUNG HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE!"

"We've been here the whole time..we cane with you both today.." Taeil awkwardly coughed, trying to look anywhere but you two.

"...are you sure you di-"

"YES WE'RE SURE WINWIN."

[tinyreverie]

Implementing Minimalism!

I have done so much since the last post!! My new thing is decluttering. I am trying to downsize by 80-90%, which is actually a TON of work. Going through and trashing everything /sounds/ easy, but it's actually really physically exhausting. I think I'm finally building up my back muscles though! 💪 So... a list of things I am working on/ have done: 1. I finally read the book about the "konmari method" of decluttering and found it pretty inspiring! I've actually pretty much followed those rules without meaning to (no wonder people kept recommending that book to me!), but in the past, I'd just chuck things if I didn't use them, joy-bringing or not, which made me sad until I forgot about it. Now, it's about bringing joy into my life in everything I own. For example, I found a vintage muffin pan at a used bookstore today. Looking at it just makes me smile!Now, I'm free to get rid of my nasty old ones and the bad memories of the giver with them. :) 2. I am working on minimizing my spice collection. I already downsized, but holy Jesus I do not need to have a basket overflowing with spices. I cook for TWO-- really, ONE now with Damion off trucking, not 12. I was having trouble picking the ones I would keep, so I picked an arbitrary number of spices I would allow myself. So, I picked 10, not including salt/pepper. Then, I asked Damion to choose the 10... because I got all, "ohhh!! Curry!! I love Indian food!! Remember that one time I had... " etc, so I was just unable to make a rational decision. He picked: *garlic salt *lemon pepper *parsley *basil *oregano *nutmeg *paprika *cinnamon *cloves *ginger I felt that this list was pretty comprehensive, so I went out and bought little magnetic tins for those suckers ($3 a piece!!) so that in the tiny house I can stick them on a strip or the fridge. For now, they will live in the junk drawer (once I eliminate it:)). 3. I started a secret garden:3 but, what's new about my gardening philosophy is that I'm only growing the stuff I'll actually use (other than my flowers:>). Most of my space is in part shade, so I'm mostly doing herbs: basil, parsley... Basically, my goal is to get everything on the herb list above growing! I also got mint and chamomile cause I love those teas. 😍 I did run into a problem here though: while in the herb section, I found rosemary and cilantro. :/ I started remembering how delicious they are, and how we do use them frequently. Then, I saw lavender, which is my herb weakness. It just smells soooo good, and the flowers are so pretty! I don't use it though, which makes it a "clutter" purchase... and that freaked me out so bad, I put back my rosemary and cilantro too and left that area immediately! They are mentally "on hold" until I have decided what to do. I know I probably won't get the lavender (until I can find a legit reason to justify it), but idk if I'll add the two useful herbs to my 10 (making 12 total) or if I'll cut off paprika and some other spice. But, chiliiiii!! And, damion didn't even list chilli pepper already! I really suck at minimizing spices, obviously. The $3/ magnetic spice tin cost does help motivate me a little, though. :) 4. I have started downsizing, so my house is easier to clean. Above all, I am a lazy person. Less dishes = less doing dishes, so I tossed them all and am now using two each of my inheritance plates, bowls and serving bowls (also used as mixing bowls). I think of my wonderful grandma, RIP, each time I see them now, and so eating gives me the feels 💖 I think about her almost every day now and it makes me happy. :> I downgraded Damion's and my clothing (Damion participated via Skype). I already had downsized into about... 3/4 large drawers with no hanging items, but they were crammed in. I thought I was done, but then I had a thought: "Katrina. You are lazy. It's going to suck when you inevitably put off your laundry and have to do it all at once!" ... So, I posted a question in the minimalist group I'm a part of and decided on 3/4 loads of laundry total. That's the most laundry in a row I am willing to do, including sheets and pillowcases, towels and washcloths. So, I got rid of everything else. :> I went through my clothes konmari style and eliminated, motivated by easier cleaning. Dammit, I want to be the type of person who washes their sheets every week! So, I got rid of stuff, separating it into selling (via consignment), donate and trash piles. I downsized to a roughly 2 week supply of stuff. Together, including linens, I only have 3.5 loads of laundry:D! Perfect for lazy Katrina, especially with my mother in law's awesome fancy big wash machine;) I now have: Linens: *8 washcloths, for face washing and exfoliation. *1 microfiber cloth, in danger of being tossed, because I HATE the texture of microfiber but appreciate its usefulness *3 towels: 1 hugeeee, and the two softest towels *1 set of fitted/flat sheets, because I won't wash them if I have more than one. *8 pillowcases: 4 normal, gray everyday pillowcases and 2 normal blue ones, for if I had a guest, idk. Plus 2 purty ones. What can I say? They bring me joy. Typing this though, maybe I should downsize more though, 8 is a bit excessive for 2 people with 4 pillows 😂 Clothing: I'll have to post about later, because my method is so involved. But, basically, everything I have matches everything else. It's all color theory and flattering fits. I plan to have excessive amounts of undies, though, because I like to change them a lot :> But, I'm only keeping 4 bras. 1 t-shirt bra, 1 convertible fancy schmancy bra, 1 sessy sessy bra ;D and 1 sports bra comfy bra thing. I love bras, but I always default to two or three anyway. My "color scheme" thing for my undies (ONLY undies, my outside clothes have a much more defined pallet) is that my bras are pretty plain/neutral, but I can get whatever panties in whatever color I want. :3 So, I am still free to indulge my love of undies and still have order :3 Last thing on implementing minimalism: I am in progress of minimizing my cleaning supply collection. I realllllly want to be earth friendly, but my cleaning stuff does not reflect that. It's all super harsh chemicals, because in the past, I was messy. I AM messy, but now my house is halfway optimized for cleaning, so it's a LOT easier for messy Katrina to keep my (her? Lol) house not clean, but within-30-minutes-of-non-rushed-cleaning clean. :D Anyways, before I had to have the harsh stuff because when I cleaned, I REALLY felt that bleach/ harsh chemicals were necessary in order to make up for the month and a half of no cleaning (wish I were joking 😂). Now that my house is easier to clean, I don't need those crazy chemicals. Except bleach, because after all, I do own chickens. I'm looking into doing my own cleaning supplies mostly: nothing crazy or complicated (I still have to cater toward lazy Katrina), but just things like vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, baking soda... etc. I still have to come up with eco friendly replacements for two things though: disinfectant wipes and the toilet wand... thingy. For the disinfectant wipes, I know that I could make my own, but it does make more laundry, and more laundry lowers the success rate of keeping my house clean. Plus, how would I keep the rags secured in sanitizing fluid without it disintegrating the rags? Or does a regular, non-bleach formula not do that? No idea. Also, I'll need to figure out how many wipes I need for a two week period, which will be tough, because I don't clean every day consistently. The toilet wand solution is harder for me though, so input would be much appreciated. I CANNOT stand the normal toilet scrubber thingies. They just don't seem sanitary, even if you keep them in cleaning liquid. Plus, they just inspire me to use copious, embarrassing amounts of straight bleach in order to sanitize, which defeats the eco friendly purpose anyway. Anyway, I discovered those toilet wands about a year ago and I haven't gone back! The wands detach from the scrubby pad, and you toss the scrubby in the trash can (because the flushable wipes suck for hard cleaning), and that's IT. You keep the nice, clean wand and get another the next time. These are also really convenient (new xD) for scrubbing my bath tub, I have discovered recently. No ridiculous hand scrubber and bleach everywhere, just this presoaked scrubber that gets everything up. It doesn't even have a chance to hurt my back, it's so fast!! Obviously, though, this is hugely irresponsible for the earth, even if they are disgusting. :( I have come up with an idea to somehow get a reusable sponge attached to the end of one of those sticks, and dropping them immediately in some dirty cleaning items container (cause they would have to be separate from clothing/linens, other than possibly disinfectant wipes) so that they could later be sanitized. But, that sounds like a lot of work, and I already hate sponges. I threw mine away in favor of those ikea scrubbing brushes :> anyway, the only way I can think to impliment this idea is to use the scrubbing bubbles version of the wand (I have both already), which has a tong-like opening for its pads. But, I don't really care for that wand. The clorox one if much more ergonomic and very sturdy, which is critical for seldom-cleaning Katrina. Also, if I'm going to have to sanitize them anyway, doesn't that defeat the whole "earth friendly" purpose? Or, could I boil them, or would that ruin the material of both the disinfectant rags / scrubbers? And, the biggest question: would I actually do it? So, yeah, basically, I need a separable toilet cleaning brush, with an ergonomic handle and a sturdy brush-to-wand attachment, with a viable, super easy way of sanitizing the brush/scrubby bit, preferably something that could be done with the disinfectant wipes too at the same time. Is that too much to ask? XD I really would love to hear suggestions though. Anyway, that's basically where I'm at right now in minimizing. I'll leave you with something a Minimalism group member said to me, to address my regrets at filling the landfills with my unused junk: either way, the earth suffers. Keeping items you don't want/need in your house doesn't save them. The only solution is being mindful about what you buy and what you support to begin with. 🌎🌳💚 This quote has helped me tremendously, as I was pretty much unknowingly using my earth-friendly side to justify holding onto items that really needed to move on. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, thank you and good night! 😘

[ohh-kaye]

I just finished reading “The Time in Between: A Memoir of Hunger and Hope” by Nancy Tucker.

This is taken from my review on Goodreads. (I say review but it’s mostly me ranting and dot points of notes).

The cover’s gorgeous and I’ll be the first to admit that I picked this up from a sale bin because my favourite colour was the cover.

Please don’t judge me.

I cannot recommend this book enough. This is probably one of the best books I've read because there's so much emotion in it and so much pain and it hurt... a lot.

I just finished reading this and it's been helping me contemplate on my actions and my feelings and everything that's wrong with me.

If you know me (which I hope you don't because lol now I'm self-conscious), you'll know that I reallyreallyreallylreaaaally hate myself.

So much of how I remember being a kid and a teenager was very much weight-related. Specifically how fat I was.  And this isn't me being conceited and being like "Wow I was so fat. Pity me. Poor me". Like no. I was actually reaaalllly overweight since I was 10. And I remember this because it was my little brother's kindergarten graduation (do all schools have this? it seems dumb) and we went to visit my relatives and I remember wearing this fitting blue green top and my auntie coming up to me and putting her hand on my stomach and saying "Don't get any fatter than this. This is the right weight for you". She may have been joking and I kind of laughed it off because I was 10, what was I supposed to say to that? Was I uncomfortable? Yes. Definitely. Even though I'm aware that this all clicked when I was 10, I've always had a pretty unhealthy relationship with food even younger than that. At meal times my parents would always have a competition on who ate the most. After every meal, we (me and my brother) had to go up to our parents and hold up our shirts to reveal our food babies and have our mom feel it to see who was fuller. And another game was who ate the most wouldn't be having an afternoon nap. So my brother and I were always the last people on the table because we would eat so much because we didn't want naptimes. Looking back, it's a pretty sick game. I thought it was fun back then and I'm probably making excuses for it but it was a way for my parents to make us eat. I don't know.

I think that fiasco when I was 10 was the earliest moment I remember being so conscious about my weight and I started being really unhealthy about it. Unlike Nancy who had anorexia and then bulimia, I think I was mostly binge eating. I'm not diagnosed with an ED because I do have this mentality that no one will believe me because I'm not sick enough. And that's something that Nancy touches on the book. Several times throughout the book (at least this was my interpretation of it) was not being skinny enough to be admitted to an Inpatient Unit. I understand that she would've refused to be admitted but it was glaringly obvious she was getting sicker, and the scales may not have shown that because she had so many tricks to challenge the scale, but SHE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND SHE'S NOT GETTING BETTER. PLEASE HELP HER.

Many times in the book I literally had to stop and close the book and take deep breaths because it would be too close to my heart and everything she says about herself I can myself saying to me. Reading it and thinking "You always say this about yourself. Can't you see how badly you're hurting yourself right now?".

I remember my first binge; eating 3 cans of sardines *after our actual lunch* and being so incredibly full that I sat next to the refrigerator on the floor because I couldn't get up because my tummy hurt. I don't know why I'm laughing at myself right now.

By the time high school came around, the weight increased a lot and I was bullied for it which was soooo much fun. It's great being made fun of when you're fat. When a classmate yells out "Sort yourselves by weight" during a group activity and the whole class looks at you. When your 'friends' refuse to pull you up in a pick up truck because you were apparently "too heavy to lift" (which btw I wasn't at my heaviest then) and so you end up sitting at the front with your choir teacher and everyone is having heaps of fun at the back. When yo buy snacks and they look at you like "Really??".

I think it got worse when I did Taekwondo. Our instructor was always at the back for being fat. I don't remember a day of showing to practice and him not commenting on it and how I needed to work harder to be smaller. I'm making another excuse but you know, it's reasonable that he wanted me to lose weight because you don't really have fat people doing tournaments. There was a particularly horrible experience I had where I was part of the regional team and we had to travel to another city for regionals and he insisted that I go with them and participate because "You'll definitely lose enough weight to compete if you get into training harder". So I did my best even though I didn't want to go because I know I'd lose and let the team down. The tournament day arrived and we needed to be weighed on the day in front of everyone so they could sort us into weight divisions and I went over the maximum weight needed to compete. And he looked at me so disappointingly and ushered me back to the bleachers. I spent 3 days with the whole team and I had to sit the competition out. I  had to sit by myself watching the team compete. And it sucked because I knew this was because I was too fat. When we returned home, I think I quit. I gave the excuse of "I needed to focus on my studies. I'll come back next summer". And I did. But I'll get to that.

That was the lowest point for me emotionally because at the time I had no friends and I couldn't even enjoy Taekwondo. That was also the fattest I was. I don't know how it was humanly possible for me to be active in sports and still so very hugeeee. *sigh*

A lot of what exacerbated this obsession with my weight was definitely because of my family. I know this is terrible that it sounds like I'm putting the blame on them and although they played a part, I am still very much responsible for my behaviours and everything is my fault.

My family is complicated. My mom and aunts and uncles and grandmother fought a lot and I didn't see any of them for 6-7 years. The last they saw me was as a baby or 7 years old. And when one of my uncles died, they were all forced to see other again and reunite as a family. I didn't realise how big of a family I had until everyone was together and it felt great being around them.

One thing that i didn't like was their preoccupation of my weight. The first time auntie saw me after yeaaaars was "Ang taba mo na!" (You're so fat now!) ((it sounds more endearing in Tagalog)). And my other uncle joked "Pinabayaan ka yata sa kusina" (It seems like you were left alone in the kitchen). And every single one of them compared me to my cousin who was the same age as me and how she was skinnier and smarter and absolutely so much better than me.

When we went to Australia the next year, I finally met this cousin after last seeing each other when we were 7. And she was so thin to me (she was healthy btw). I thought she looked perfect. And the self-loathing and self-harming came shortly after that.

I don't remember not eating. It's all fuzzy. But I remember coming home after that trip and hating myself so much and slowly the weight started to melt away. I wasn't in Taekwondo anymore but I remember being at my lowest weight months down the line. (Which btw my 'friend' commented on and said "You're getting smaller. I'm proud of you".) Did this weight loss have to come at such a horrible and toxic expense? I'm going to make a tumblr post expanding on this because I wasn't a good person around this time and I need to talk about it.

I returned to Taekwondo that summer and was significantly smaller than the last time they saw and I received so many positive comments on it. And it made me feel a temporary happiness. And the realisation that it was only in weight loss that I became important and special. And I was angry at that because WHY IS IT THAT I HAD TO BE SKINNY FOR YOU PEOPLE TO LIKE MEEE??? And I quit again after that summer and I never went back because I couldn't deal with being judged by the very people I found solace in.

Still after losing the weight, I wasn't skinny. I was more chubby now. But as the years went, I regained all that I lost and more. Became massively sad throughout the process. And moved to a different country and became even more sad. Hi. I'm depressed I think.! I need to see someone.

Even to this day, my family and relatives always comment about it when they see me. About how fat I was or how I needed to eat less or how smaller I'm getting. Last year I started counting my calories and has a drastic weight loss following that and now I'm at a healthy BMI but I'm still so incredibly disgusted at myself. It's no longer the body that's wrong. It's my mind that needs fixing.

HOLY SHIT.

I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT THE BOOK YET.

CAN YOU SEE HOW PASSIONATE I AM ABOUT THIS? HOW REFLECTIVE I BECAME AFTER READING THIS BOOK?

OKAY NOTEEESSSS

I love the preface Nancy gives at the beginning where she warns the readers that she urges you not to do what she did but if you treated this book as a bible then no one can stop you. I appreciate that this was mentioned early on because it did give me a moment to think it over and if I should read it. Will it help me? Am I going into this just wanting to understanding the development of ED's? I decided that the reason I'm drawn to these topics is because I'm finding it very difficult to cope with what I'm feeling and reading other people's experiences make me feel less alone. And this book achieved that. After reading it, I know I won't be subjecting myself to what Nancy went through and hopefully I may one day get to a point where I can be recovered.

Another one of the things I had flagged is the relationship Nancy had with her family and the dialogue about food that they would have when she was little or the imposition of control she would always be placed in factors in to why she developed an ED and I get it. As I mentioned in my rant-y bit at the beginning. Being exposed to unhealthy habits with foods when I was younger made me have the behaviours I have now, unfortunately.

A pretty recurrent theme throughout is the desire to being 'thin' and the belief that one day JUST ONE DAY people will like me when I'm skinny. I recoil anytime this is mentioned because the voice I have in my head is always yelling this at me. Particularly worse during bad days where I would look at a mirror and BOOM thoughts are suffocating me. It's not fun. And I hate it. I hate having to think this and it's almost like and unreachable goal. And what's sick is that anytime I shrunk, people notice and they smile with pride. It affirms this idea that people WILL like me. I just need to be a stick.

There's one quote in the book that I love because of how painful it is: "That's funny. I don't have a mental illness. So why am I being crushed?".

Side note: I love the different formats the book has (the play/ script and the Do's and Don'ts. It's a change that I like.

Page 98: Theory Me. Read it and this is exactly how my mind is working.

"I can't". This broke me. I was crying during my shift in hospital while I was reading this in darkness. It was like I get it. I wanted so much to climb into the pages and say "I KNOW YOU CAN'T. I UNDERSTAND. AND I'M SORRY YOU'RE HURTING. I'M SORRY.".

UUUUUUUU I love this book. It's so powerful and emotional and so very very painful. I could literally feel the defeat and surrender in her voice when she says "I'll eat" after being so done with starvation.

Side note: I bookmarked the chapter "Emerald" just because my birthstone is emerald and I feel very acknowledged that my birthstone is a chapter. hahaha.

I smiled like an idiot when Nancy was finally able to find friends who understood her and didn't judge her when she finally told them about her anorexia. I think one of her biggest downfall was not having a good support system especially with her friends. They probably didn't know how to approach the subject of anorexia that's why I'm so happy that there's so much awareness about the topic. Eating disorders suck and I don't people to ever have to think of eating as an option or a want. We need to eat to sustain our bodies.

Her letter to her Anorexia made me cry too. It's gross seeing me in tears and in darkness clutching onto this book in the hospital ward while I looking after my sleeping patient.

And finally, my last point. This also made me disappear into a puddle of tears. The last chapter with her thank you's and apologies.  The one about her Mum. </3

I love this book. It's a masterpiece and captures the very thoughts I have in head. Even though I'm not diagnosed with anything but I know I have a serious problem with food, a lot of what I read in the book seems as though it's been plucked from my brain and put into pages.

This was a pretty substantial read and I finished this in 2 days. I know that the time span is a week and a half but I read the first half on my night duty last week and finished it this morning. So technically it was 2 days (or 20 hours? because my shifts are 10 hours each).

I think I feel a little better. The demons in my head are still yelling at me but not as loud.