Every so often I come across people going on about 'queer is a bad word, I'm not a terf but we shouldn't use that word in community/academic/etc settings, don't call me queer' and just
Okay
You're not queer
I won't call you that, no one should call you that, and anyone that does is being an asshole regardless of their identity or minority status. It doesn't matter what reasoning you have behind not wanting to be labelled as queer, what trauma you may or may not have, what you've identified as in the past and present, and whether or not your preference just comes to not liking the vibe of the word for entirely inscrutible reasons. No one has any right to pry.
If you say you're not queer, then you're not queer, and that's okay.
It just also means that if I, a queer person, talk about the queer community, then I'm not referring to you. If an academic refers to queer history and queer texts written by queer people about other queer people, they're also not talking about you. If a corporation starts using 'queer' in their ads then they can eat shit because fuck 'em, they have no fucking right to use our words when they aren't and have never been one of us, but if a well-meaning ally uses 'queer' as a one-syllable shorthand for LGBTQIA+ in a verbal conversation, then there's no reason for you to get any more annoyed at them as you would if they used the word 'gay' instead.
You have every single right to be labelled or not labelled as you like, and I will stand behind you all the way. If someone is trying to shove 'queer' on you when you really don't want it? Then I will happily, metaphorically, deck them in the face for you. We are still family, whatever you choose to call yourself, and it's important that we stick together.
But
If you aren't queer, and you get frustrated when you see queer people talking about the queer community, take a deep breath, and consider:
They aren't talking about you
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there's something so captivating about the parallel of cesare loving his brother, juan, and micheletto loving his father, both of whom they eventually had to kill. they were responsible for ending the lives of the people they once held dear, and what makes it extra interesting to me is that both cesare and micheletto share an inexplicable, deeply masochistic bond, and both found themselves in a situation where they had to confront the difficult task of fratricide and patricide, albeit driven by different motives.
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i do not know how to explain to people that "transmisogyny" is the specific transphobia that trans women + transfems face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and "transandrophobia" is the specific transphobia that trans men + mascs face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and that they all come together under the umbrella of "transphobia." these are not opposing concepts nor are they mutually exclusive, to believe in one does not mean non-belief in the other. is there a simpler way of phrasing this. can i be clearer.
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Sandy: "Hurting others isn't a measure of one's strength—took me a really long time to realize that. As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend, I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me. Because at the end of the day, helping my friends is more important than anything else in the world!"
(2x08 To Catch a Leaf)
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Macaque: "She's completely out of control! If there's a time to go, it's now."
MK: "NO! Mei is my best friend, I'd never abandon her when she needs me! We're heroes, it's what we do!"
(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)
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Azure Lion: "I thought I arrived in time to contain the curse, but, based off of your expressions I would hazard a guess that Sun Wukong has already been consumed, along with your friends."
MK: "But it's fine right!? We'll just pop this bad boy open and get them back!"
Azure Lion: "It's too late to save them, we can't risk unleashing the curse into the world!"
MK: "You don't know, we'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us."
(4x02 New Adventures)
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Yellowtusk: "I know full well what will happen should Azure fail, but- but he is my brother. I owe him my life."
Sandy: "We get it! I'd do anything to help my friends, but at the cost of the world?"
Pigsy: "I'm sorry pal, but NOTHING is worth that price!"
(4x13 Rip and Tear)
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Being there for your friends when they need you, but at the cost of the world.
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