#HOLY CRAP THAT MAN IS B I G

[wyvernsrus]

Listen yall, these books mention how the Alphas are like as pure Jango you can get (Ill have to double check but I'm pretty sure they say it once) And ALSO describe the Nulls as the Kaminoans messing with them too much and being broader and heavier as a result and MY brain latched onto this fact by going "Wait, does that mean the Alphas are smaller than the Nulls?" I find this so funny cause all I can think of is Alpha-17 being shorter than like say Mereel for instance and this 5'8 man just THROWING Mereel off of Tipoca City like he's a particularly unruly bag of flour and I love this image so much it brings me so much join

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

RANDOM INCORRECT QUOTES [Guilty Gear X Reader Edition Pt.1]

Baiken: Pros and cons of dating me. Baiken: Pros. *Looks at the paper Anji and Delilah gave them* Tomboy S/O? What the fuck does that mean? Baiken: *Tosses the paper* Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

-

Baiken: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

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Millia: This is such a bad idea. Reader: Then why are you coming along? Millia: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

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Millia: Reader... Reader: Oh no, My name in B flat. Reader: You're disappointed.

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Reader: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are. Giovana: It's not a joke. Giovana: * sniffles * Giovana: I'm a legit snack.

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*The group is getting into the car* Reader: I'm driving. Giovana, out of view: Shotgun! Rei, turning to face Giovana: *BARK* (Translation: Aww! But you had it on the way here-) Everyone except Giovana: WOAH- Giovana, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! * Pumps gun *

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Reader: *Stubs their toe* FUCK! Elphelt: Mind your language! Reader: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Elphelt: Reader: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

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Reader: Is something burning? Elphelt: Just my love for you. Reader: Elphelt, the toaster is on fire.

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Reader: Don't stay up all night, Ramlethal. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

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Reader, pointing a camera at Ramlethal: There they are, our sweet baby. Ramlethal, holding a Borger and her puppy: What-?

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Reader: Oh, fiddlesticks. Bridget: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

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Reader: Sorry I'm late I was doing... things.

Bridget, Kicks open the door: Hello I'm things!

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Reader: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE

Testament: Anything, honestly, dumbasses especially!

Reader, desperately, as Testament bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE Testament: Oh! B positive.

Reader: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Testament: *Sighs*

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Reader: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? Testament: Oh, I'm always running Testament: The question is from what

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Reader: Why would you think any of this was a good idea? I-no: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. Reader: … I-no: I don't know how you keep forgetting this.

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Reader: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent? I-no: Go the fuck to sleep Reader: What gif I don't want to? I-no: Fuck You!

Reader: YOU ARE WELCOME TO TRY!!!

[tonberry-yoda]

Fluff Alphabet - Giorno

requested by: anon

based on this post

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think this guy loves springtime walks!! He would love the sprouting flowers and trees since his stand revolves around life and stuff. I think just those gorgeous daytime walks would be really fun for him <3

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Oddly enough, your hands. Not like Kira tho LMFAOOOOO more like... just how gentle you are. He loved when you run your hands through his hair or cup his face. He also loves when you tell stories. He's a sucker for just listening to how you tell him stories <333

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

This man has such a soft and tinee voice, so I think he would just comfort you through speaking to you. He would rub your arms and give you a soft hug while quietly telling you that everything's going to be okay. If you need him to be quiet though, he will and just sit next to you until you feel better

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Oh, marriage, 100%. This man could be with you for the rest of his life tbh. Maybe even kids if you wanted them. I think he just wants that iconic loving family like the one he never grew up in. I think he would love to adopt children with you and make a mini familia <3

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He's a babygirl, but he is a dominant babygirl LMFAOOO. He literally becomes a capo at 15, so I think he would be the more dominant one tbh

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

You two don't fight often, but when you do, it is always resolved rather quickly through conversation. This man loves you way too much to just argue with you over stupid crap. So if there is an argument, the two of you will take a little time away from each other and then have a conversation. He thinks communication is very important, and wants you two do use it often <3

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Oh, this man is so grateful for you <33 I think one of his love languages is acts of service, so when you two do some of those for each other, it makes him swoon and he can't thank you enough for everything you do for him <3

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

If you didn't know he was in the mafia before you dated, I think he would hide that from you for as long as he could because he didn't want you to get involved in anything dangerous but other than that, he is very open with you :)

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think you made him a little more open tbh. He's a pretty reserved guy and had a lot of past trauma he had to heal, but you helped him with that healing and made him more open to you. He now smiles a lot more and is much more social <3

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Honestly, no. Mista jokingly flirts with you, but never crosses any lines and knows better than that. Plus, your friends are really cool, so Giorno isnt worried at all <3

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

OMFG I WOULD FAINT! This man holy cow, this man can KISS. He's got soft lips and is overall an amazing and passionate kisser with nothing but love swelling from him <333

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He was definitely nervous, but I think he would still be his kid self and write you a little note and turn it into your favorite animal. It would run over to you and then turn into the note that says. "You're cute :)"

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

As said before, yes <3 He would propose to you in the spring time and plan to get married that next spring <3 it would be a small wedding with close friends and cherry blossoms would be growing <33

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Darling, dear, my love (in both english and italian <3)

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He definitely looks at you more than he looks at anyone else <3. He will just admire the things you do for him and will express that love for you through words. This is only obvious to you though as he has made it clear that he likes to admire you. To others, they couldn't even tell if the boy was in love

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He does let everyone know that you two are together. He never brags, but he never fails to mention you to others. However, he is not a big fan of PDA. He will gladly hold your hand in public and even give you hugs, but her will never kiss you in public I dont think. He just prefers to have that aspect of your relationship be for the two of you only <3

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

Communication and the ability to tell you how much he loves you. He will never fail to mention how much you mean to him and whenever you two have a bump, he will make sure to ask what's wrong or even just talk to you. He may be a quiet guy, but he sure knows how to talk to you

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

VERY ROMANTIC. The kind of guy who will take you on late night walks to go get a drink and watch the stars. The kind of guy to take you to a 5 star restaurant and smile at you. The kind of guy who buys you jewelry. He loves spoiling you with romantic acts, even if cliche

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

This man is more than supportive. He will help in any way he can to get you what you need! He thinks that you are a very talented individual and is big on making dreams come true. His came true, so more than anything, he wants yours to <3

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Honestly, no. This man doesnt want any part of anything terrifyingly new. He likes adventure, but that doesnt mean he wants to switch anything up with the both of you. He likes the routine you have. But if you want that, he will try to get a good compromise going <3

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He probably knows you better than anyone. He can read you like an open book sometimes and knows when you are overwhelmed and knows when you are happy about something. He can always tell when you're going through something and wants to help anyway he can

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

After he became a capo, you became his entire life. He never wants you to get hurt and honestly, he would give up his life as a mafioso if you needed anything. You are his first priority because he got his dream, he wants more than anything to keep you safe

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He can't fall asleep without holding your hand. He doesnt know why, he just needs to hold your hand. If he is cuddling you, know that he is holding your hand. He also sleeps in his undies lol and needs a plush blanket. He's just very picky about sleep and needs to be very cozy

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I think he is! He prefers cuddling and kissing right before bed though, I think the sunlight for him means work, but nighttime is cuddle and kissy time for him <3

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He was used to being alone for a very long time, but when you are gone, he will just be super lonely. He'll stare off into space for a little, but still be doing work. Night time is the worst if you're gone though. He cant fall asleep without you

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

This man would kill for you. Yeah. He's a little feral, but he NEEDS you to be safe and honestly, he needs this relationship with you. If you're unhappy, he will be more than willing to change what you don't like, but will never change who he is. But he would do anything for you tbh

@beanbings-things

~~~~~

jjba masterlist (2) (3) | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated <3

~~~~~

[totaldramafan-lauri]

EPISODE 8 (FINALE)

HOLY CRAP I WAS RIGHT

I WAS FFFFFFFFLIPPING RIGHT

ADAM IS DEAD

I-I DIDN'T SEE PENTIOUS COMING, BUT

ADAM IS DEAD AND LUTE SURVIVED, HOLY FRICK

I AM SO EFFING RELIEVED IT WASN'T ANYONE ELSE

I-I-I SAW.....I SAW THAT....PART....

AND PART OF ME.....a small part, like.....a TINY TINY part....w-was scared....

M-most of me knew it wasn't gonna happen, don't get me wrong.....N-not him.....but....

A-as long as there was a TINY part of me that doubted, I.....

I-I was TERRIFIED......

I-I'm gonnaa need to reply that last song, cuz I swear, thoughout that whole thing periodically SHOUTING at my screen "WHERE IS HE!? WHERE IS HE!?!?" (True story.....I was doing that OUT LOUD) And "SHOW HIM"

Th-the flipping.....JUMPING JACKS MY HEART WAS DOING THE WHOLE TIME-

I-I can't even form thoughts correctly-

PENTIOUS, OH THAT POOR MAN- BUT HOW IS HE IN HEAVEN!? AND HOW IS LILITH IN HEAVEN!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON-

I-I mean, it makes sense for her to want Adam dead, but- Lemme get this straight, she- She made some kind of deal with his OWN TROOPS-? HOW? Th-that did NOT LOOK like sabotage to me! They were fighting hard! I-I don't- g-get it-

I-I....I can wait....I can wait, I can wait, cuz this ending was good! AND WE AVOIDED THE WORST-

AND ADAM IS DEAD, WH-

I-I guess that leaves the Vees as the main villains now!? Unless Lute comes back on her own now-

I-I'm looking forward to see more of Vox.....l-losing his mind, pffff....

AND LUCIFER HOLY CRAP, LUCIFER WAS SO EFFING COOL, JUST TAUNTING HIM, AND....

AND I WAS RIGHT ABOUT VAGGIE VS. LUTE, BUT NOT VAGGIE SPARING HER....I-I'M GLAD SHE DID THO, CUZ I DON'T HATE LUTE AS A VILLAIN

AND NIFFTY

THAT WAS SO BADASS, HOLY CRAP, HOW SHE JUST CAME FROM BEHIND AND WENT STABBY STABBY-

I-I was CHEERING

F-for a while, I was conflicted about how much I wanted more of Adam, cuz I loved his song in the first episode so flipping much, and I STILL DO love it, but....

A-after what he almost did-

Y-yeah, YEAH, STAY DEAD

NEVER COME BACK, you BASTARD

G-give me a heart attack, I swear...*grumble grumble*

.....H-how are they gonna learn about Pentious now, and how a sinner ACTUALLY made it to Heaven, if they have no more reason to GO to Heaven now? How- s-so many questions....

.......

.....Y-yeah, I think this might be the best episode of the season....o-or ONE OF them.....i-if that wasn't obvious......

S-sorry these thoughts are so much more....s-scattered than in my last posts, but GOD DANG-

........

.........

........

"B-break....constraints..."

"Back door...."

T-trying to remember what I heard, but I was f-flipping out so much....

"My deal must a have a.....back door...."

S-something like that....I-I need to watch it again....

S-some kind of deal......c-constraining him....h-he doesn't like it....he wants out....

L-looks like, maybe, I was right.....

Th-there's gotta be a way out.....H-he's not submissive to ANYONE.....H-he'll find a way out....

I-if helping the others, was against his will.....

L-let there be a way out....

I-I don't care if that means leaving them.....Freedom means more....

S-season 2, GIVE US THE ANSWERS......

[creepy-feathers]

Hey is it alright if you do the tickly alphabet for Puppeteer? A-Y please and thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

A: Aftercare | What is their aftercare like after a heavy round of tickling?

Aftercare? Psh, yeah right. Chances are, if he wrecks someone that hard, they deserved it, and making sure that person is okay afterward is just not on his mind. He’ll literally just stop suddenly, be like “alright, see ya” and walk away without any further comment.

B: Bondage | How do they react to bondage, do they enjoy it and if yes, what is their favorite pose?

No. Goodness, no. Johnny does not vibe with restraints, they make him feel wayyyy too vulnerable and uncomfortable. Probably wouldn’t have many qualms against doing it to someone else though, if he’s in the right mood.

C: Chase | What are their chances in a chase, both as a lee and ler?

He won’t let himself be chased. He hates the feeling of running away from something. If someone is after him, he’ll just continuously push them away, since he doesn’t feel threatened unless the person targeting him is as tall - or taller - than him.

When it comes to doing the chasing, though, he has two moods: pursuing, or waiting. When he pursues, he’s super fast, and the lee does not stand a chance. When he waits, he waits a long time, until the lee expects nothing, then he’ll strike.

D: Death Spot | What is their most ticklish spot?

His neck, without a single question. He’s pretty much just not ticklish anywhere else, and if he is, he’ll be able to contain any outward reactions, but when it comes to getting that sweet spot? Holy crap, this man will hit the floor like an anvil and lose all ability to defend himself. 

E: Expression | How do they express their wish to tickle/be tickled?

His expression is the tickling itself. There are no warnings; if he wants to get you, he’ll get you, and how merciful he is fully depends on what you did to initiate it.

It is very rare that he actually desires to be tickled, however...and when he does, he feels too weird about it to show any signs? Like if the two of you are really close (romantically), he might lay his head on your lap, but that’s pretty much it.

F: Fight | What is their behavior in a tickle fight like?

Brutality. Absolute brutality. He revels in the way his lee is so defenseless against him, how practically anyone can be reduced to such a pathetic state from something so simple. If he can help it, he will not let the other person have the upper hand. 

G: Gentle | How do they react to gentle tickles?

He hates them. They feel too light to be considered a full-blown attack, and he can’t laugh to release the tension. It’s pure agony and he could go his whole life without experiencing them again.

H: Habits | As a lee/ler or both, do they have specific habits when it comes to tickling?

Not really...unless you count the way he’ll tackle his lee to the ground, wrap his legs around their waste, and make sure they stay on top of him. It’s his go-to move when things are beginning to get serious, and nobody has been able to break free yet.

Now, when he tickles Sally (which is a rare occurrence), he’ll switch up his demeanor and be a whole lot gentler, since he used to play with his little siblings way back when and he secretly has a soft spot for children (shh, nobody can know that).

I: Interrogation | How well would they handle a tickle interrogation?

Stone cold. He would shut off all feelings and put himself in a different state of mind. Greatly unaffected. 

J: Joy | Their absolute favorite thing about tickling?

That really depends on the relationship, but for most people, it gives him the opportunity to bully them about something, be it their weird laugh or the inability to hide their obvious weakness. No matter who you are though, he will find something to make fun of you for.

K: Killer Move | As a ler, do they have special skills to use against their lees and drive them crazy with?

His fingers are insanely fast. As soon as you’ve prepared yourself for an oncoming attack, he’ll switch it up and move them to another spot; good luck trying to catch him.

L: Laughter | What does their laughter sound like when they are tickled?

Kind of snorty, if I’m being honest. It’s either that or he’s cackling like a breathless hyena, maybe a combination of both.

M: Mornings | Their tickle behavior during mornings?

This is when he’ll be most likely to pounce. It may come as a surprise, because he seems like the kind of person who would hate mornings with a passion, but he actually gets up pretty early without trouble. It’s more likely he’ll be in a playful mood this soon in the day.

N: Nights | Their tickle behavior during nights?

It ain’t happening, not unless you have managed to just piss him off to the max, then it won’t be out of wanting to have fun; it’ll be out of wanting to put you in your place. That is not a situation you want to be in, trust me. By the time night rolls around, he’s way too exhausted and done with life to want anything more than rest. Don’t test his limits.

O: Online | Text messaging and social media, do they have some kind of online tickly behavior to tease their lee or ler with?

This dude rarely even picks up a phone, much less cares enough to tease anyone through text, social media, etc. As stated previously, he likes to just attack at unexpected intervals - it makes it much more amusing for him.

P: Partner In Crime | If they were to go after a lee and accept the aid of a tickle partner, who do they prefer to join hands with and why?

I can definitely imagine him teaming up with Kagekao, because they’re both so chaotic. You’d better hope it’s with Kage and not someone like Zero, because then there’s no chance of mercy whatsoever.

Q: Question | Their response to the question ‘are you ticklish’?

He’ll laugh with ridicule. “Why don’t you come over here and try to find out?”

R: Role | Lee or ler, what is generally their main role?

If one has to be chosen, it’s 100% a ler. He craves the power to bully someone in a way that doesn’t physically harm them, that way no one will be on his back about it. “What? No, it was just a joke! See, they’re fine!”

S: Safeword | If they were to suggest the safeword for a tickle session, which word will it be?

Honey, anyone is hard-pressed to even get him to listen to their pleas, much less getting him to agree to a safe word. The only one he might consider is ‘uncle’, depending on the situation.

T: Teasing | Their most favorite methods of teasing their lee/ler?

Well...he does quite enjoy pinching a very sensitive area, multiple times, in a way that has his lee jumping and squeaking and begging him to stop tormenting them like this and just get it over with.

U: Unusual | Do they have some unusual tickle spots? Where?

His ears are pretty ticklish...but practically no one knows it, and he plans to keep it that way. If somebody were to flick it with the end of a feather or something, he would jump through the roof.

V: Victim | As a ler, who is their favorite lee and what makes this person their ultimate victim?

He zones in on Cody more than anyone else, mainly because he’s small and scrawny and can’t defend himself against the giant that is Johnny for his life. Plus, Cody has the wildest reactions to being tickled, so that makes him the easiest - and most amusing - target.

W: Word | What is their reaction to the T-word? Can they say it out loud or do they get embarrassed?

This man doesn’t get embarrassed for anything. However, if someone lets him know that saying ‘tickle’ bothers them, they will never hear the end of it.

X: X-Over | In a crossover AU, which other fandom character would be a fitting tickle fight opponent for them and why?

Michael Myers, probably... I mean they’re both big, violent dudes lol. It would be an epic battle to watch. They’re both stubborn as mules too, so the only way they’d ever stop is if they both passed out from exhaustion simultaneously.

Y: YOU | Any personal self or reader-insert tickle fantasies / headcanons to share with this character?

I feel like if Johnny ever had a kid he would blow raspberries on their belly a lot. Just to watch them giggle and squirm.

[the-firebird69]

Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) [Audio]

This guy Trump is very sick he's doing to other people he has their bodies I put them back in time Holiness hostage so we have to find out who's there get a bunch of people involved even Max to annihilate this guy our bodies went back in time and his threatening us

Bg

I had to move out of my house and getting well rich and wealthy and famous and only learn how to play Hackensack and other things like that it's a game that Sean Mason Tommy and others were playing it's really nothing but the song goes on and says you can get a Chevy trade up to a caddy but they're going to think you're a mobster. So people like John remillard took it seriously and others and said he doesn't want to do anything and he wants to sit there and we can extort him and did you get something very valuable they set their masters up whether they make it or not the max are known Factor they're whereabouts is known their emo is known in a large number of people know their plan. From the gates of hell they stab at you Max

Zues Hera

It is true and it is how you say it and it is appropriate that's what they did and what they're doing and they're angry and frustrated and want to live and we won't let them anyways so they went ahead and poured it on and they say a lot of stuff and you're saying you can have a car and a nice one and it won't do any good you can be a millionaire and it won't do any good and you need tons of money and tons of other stuff it's just not happening so you're doing other stuff and we realize that's a problem and they keep waking you up getting you angry over and over and time is going through The hourglass rapidly and we're saying this we can't handle it anymore these people have to go and we're not doing anything we need that stupid a****** ship out and the damage is becoming catastrophic he wrote it right down and we can read it I sent some damn way back who has memory and you get it out of him I can't believe how bad this is new people are so freaking stupid they can't send themselves back and then they in tune you I mean they in tomb you and some people wake you up and question you you come back in a psychotic piece of s*** against his people you're too stupid to resist the same stuff before and after it happens we can't let this go on they say you don't know it's us questioning them but they can kind of gather it might be but holy s*** is this rancid and we're not doing it it's you stupid idiots they're not going to give them information you dumb freaking retards we're so sick of you saying it's us your f***** and you're gone and we're going to make you gone holy crap you horrible

Macs

It's finally said

Mac daddy

I cannot believe it it's finally open tonight this is terrible they opened it one eye this is terrible these people are horrible their pieces of living s*** and they're crapping all over the place they're ruining practically everything we could ever have and tossing their stuff out like it's nothing I got to tell you something we have to stop them

Bill will

We know what he's saying too he's making fun of how we talk our persona all sorts of s*** I can't stand them anymore someone stopped them anyone

Boll

We're getting to work on it now and that was Bill and we're going to do something Jesus Christ they're horrible he says it every time look at these zombies they're having a great time get them the f*** out of here I don't care what you have to do get get like some sort of campers that I'll have four tires you can pull them out with a semi like 50 of them is file that says boy that's not a bad idea you smiled and said it's not a bad idea to move those camper s*** f****** houses out of here

Macs

Why don't you lunatics what a good idea we'll be all set for their command center all we need is the boy get him money damn it you can't go back there okay fruit I'll kill you you b**** die you f****** meaningless man w****

Mac same words every time

Elizabeth's permission to print granted Belinda's not Olivia Olympics dammit Olympus

Wow Hera

[themculibrary]

Clint/Darcy Masterlist

come on sweet catastrophe (ao3) - twistedingenue T, 10k

Summary: Darcy Lewis is whisked away from her dorm at Culver in the middle of the night, and really, the secret agent shit is already getting old.

Don’t Tease A Hawk (ao3) - WordsmithDee E, 6k

Summary: Darcy is bored but Clint is busy with paperwork. She learns there are repercussions for teasing the Hawk.

Emotion in Motion (ao3) - Smittywing (Smitty) E, 6k

Summary: For the prompt, Darcy’s a virgin. It’s not a big deal or anything. She just hadn’t met anyone worthy of being a first time. This guy Clint, well, he takes anything as a challenge.

Gift of Asylum (ao3) - carleton97, sister_wolf E, 47k

Summary: The story of how Darcy Lewis accidentally helps found the Avengers while having an epic, failboaty romance with that dude she nailed in a bar two years ago. Tasers, jackbooted thugs, Tony Stark, and life-altering job offers are par for the course when you help discover an alien/god dude with amazing pecs.

Having A Bit Of A Day, Here (ao3) - kellifer_fic N/R, 7k

Summary: Where Darcy gets a super power, kind of, sorta. Geez, she's just having a bit of a weird week, alright?

if you wanna fill your bottle up with lightning (ao3) - twistedingenue T, 14k

Summary: In the wake of poor life choices involving redheads and red cars, Clint’s responsible decision making skills take another header after learning that Dr Foster and Darcy have missed their last few check-ins and winds up driving out to New Mexico with Kate.

i may have a bit of a bias (ao3) - kellifer_fic T, 4k

Summary: Having an Iron Man and Captain America plush duo on your desk that you can place into compromising positions is a totally valid way to amuse yourself.

I’m Game (ao3) - DresupiF E, 13k

Summary: Darcy needs a date for her family Thanksgiving dinner to settle a bet, and Clint’s personal ad was the one she answered.

in deep with you darling (ao3) - t_fic (topaz), topaz, topaz119 (topaz) M, 48k

Summary: Darcy could have, under normal circumstances, resisted the aesthetics (however awesome they are, and holy crap are they awesome), but there’s an itch under her skin—apparently, nearly dying by giant, fire-breathing robots from space in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico will start you questioning your life choices. Who knew?

Say it aloud (break the night into the day) (ao3) - twistedingenue E, 9k

Summary: Darcy Lewis has a very specific skill set, it mostly has to do with looking and acting like a college student. Clint does not approve of her missions shenanigans.

the best of life is but intoxication (ao3) - kellifer_fic G, 4k

Summary: Where Steve and Darcy are platonic BFFs and Tony and Clint just aren't buying it.

The Perfect Weather (ao3) - Fraulein G, 10k

Summary: Clint's paranoid. Darcy’s bravery is put to the test. Jane has a rude awakening in regards to her research. Also, Clint learns he should never underestimate a girl with a taser who’s willing to use it.

The Space Between Feathers (ao3) - thegirlgrey T, 60k

Summary: All Darcy wanted was 6 college credits and her iPod back.

(That's what she wanted, but not what she got.)

This is Not a Gothic Romance (and Clint is Not Heathcliff) (ao3) - shinykari (meinterrupted) E, 4k

Summary: Clint Barton is an idiot. This isn’t news to Darcy. What is new is waking up in his bed and hearing him talking to another woman in the other room.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E (ao3) - WordsmithDee T, 2k

Summary: Darcy Lewis and Clint Barton have an interesting first meeting that comes back to haunt Darcy.

Two Truths and a Lie (ao3) - hawksonfire G, 3k

Summary: Darcy Lewis does not lie. Clint Barton doesn’t think she can always tell when someone is lying. So they make a bet.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

SEASON 3 EP 7

THIS IS A PIGSY EP I KNOW IT IS I’M ALREADY SOBBING ABOUT IT KAI SAND SAYS ITS GOOD I’M HOLDIN GHIM SO GENTLE PIGSY BELOVED I CAN’T WAIT I’M SO EXCITED I JUST WANNA HOLD HIM HE SO GOOD DADSY HOURS FR FR 

I’m sleepy rn so this is gonna be a soft freak out episode because I’m also feeling very very soft over Pigsy rn bG;LKAWMFOE

WHY IS THE INTRO SO FREAKING PRETTY 

WHY IS IT SO SEROTONIN 

SCREAMS 

;-; family campfire 

IBURNT MARSHAMALLOW WUKONG REAL

HE’S SO EXCITED ABOUT THE MARSHMALLOW PLEASE I’M GONNA CRY THANKS THAT’S HIS SECOND FAVOURITE FOOD NOW I WILL NOT BE TAKING CRITICISM 

I WILL GIVE HIM ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS

SANDY BELOVED NAPPING 

TANG STILL INSPECTING THE RING AND HOW IT WORKS 

WUKONGBDFL;KAE

THAT’S SUCH A DAD SIT

TAHT’S SUCH A DAD CHAIR I’M CRYINGBDSF;LMAWFEO 

MANS EATING REAL FOOD

well kinda real food

MANS EATING REAL SUGAR AND NOT HAIR FOOOOD BG;LSKDMF;AOWEF 

“Judgy much” 

Mk an artist, bashing whatever artist drew this nonsense— G;LKAMFAWEF 

“WHAT THE BRICK IS THIS SUUPPOSED TO BE—“ 

DBK AND WUKONG BOTH SIT LIKE THAT AND FOR WHAT

FATHERS

A COMPLETE DAD 

AW

AW PIGSY HAS A SHOW HE LIKES

PLS 

I’M SOBBING 

I LOVE HIM 

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE’S SO HAPPY 

THIS IS SOMETING THAT HE LIKES

HE DESERVES SOMETHING THAT HE LIKES I’M SOBBING 

Mei and Mk: *lose their minds over something * Pigsy: uh…. 

Pigsy: *looses his mind about something* 

Mei and Mk: uhhh… 

They’re so silly B;LKAMWEF;OAWEF

OH HEY IT’S RIGHT THERE BGLSDKMF;AEW

I love her 

I love her so much 

PIGSY TAKING NOTES

BELOVED

MK

MK PLS

HE’S TRYING SO HARD

LAST TIME HE SAID SPACE

NOW HE’S SAYING CELESTIAL REALM I’M SOBBING 

I’M OSBBING FR 

LOOK AT THEM 

LOOK AT THEM I’M CRYING

THEY’RE BOTH SO EXCITED

SO BELOVED 

I’m crying fr fr they’re so lovely n wonderful n I’m sobbing i love this episode so much already pls 

Sun

Wukong

where did you get the peach chips

i swear

i swear it’s his hair

i’m sobbingbG;KLAMWEF

THE

THE CHIP THING

BSSDSDJHOOOOO 

I’M CRYING

HE’S 

HE’S SO SILLY I LOVE HIM 

HE’S SO WONDERFUL

HE’S EVERYTHING TO MEBG;LDSMF;OAGAWEF

THE LI’LL CHIP 

CRYING 

I’M FINE

I’m fine ;-; 

he says to believe in urself a lot but I think that’s the first time he’s ever said (while indirectly) “I believe in you” his confidence in Mk really is unshakable for a lot of stuff huh. Makes it hurt all the more that he knows he can’t handle LBD by himself and is probably gonna try and snathc the rings and run to defeat her himself probably hahahahaAHAHAHHAHA 

WUKONG DAD FR THO LET ME ENJOY THIS 

“chop chop, don’t think just feeeeel it” 

HE’S SO STUPID AND SILLY AND I LOVE HIM 

HE’S GO WITH UR GUT INPULSIVE ALL THE WAY EVEN NOW WHEN HE’S TRYING TO PUT ON THAT HERO PERSONA HE REALLY IS STILL JUST LIKE THAT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 

MANS TRYING 

Sandy passed out in the van 

HEY??? HE CAN LEVITATE STUFF??? 

MK??? 

NMGBDSFM;AWEF MEI MEI PLS BGSDL;KMFAWOE 

h

SHRUNK I GUESS 

TANG SOUND SLIKE HE’S WRITING A NATURE DOCUMENTARY BGSDKMOAWEF 

ohhh

ohhhhhh ;A; 

HIS VOICE IS SO SOMFT WHEN HE TELLS HIM NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT. usually he’s really loud n bright and forcibly brushing it off but he said that so soft right there n genuine 

Monkey king seems so comfortable rn, not like, laid back, or forcibly lazy but genuinely comfortable and relaxed with them i’m going to sob my eyes out i’m gonna cry y’all fr 

hOLY CRAP

THE EFFORTLESSNESS 

I’m holding Monkey King and my analysis post about the way he teaches so gently. He doesn’t stress him, doesn’t push him, just lets him try, and then says “you did good, it’s okay if it didn’t work this time, I believe in you I know you’ll get it, and until you do, don’t worry about it, i got it” and catches him and handles thing until he’s ready to step up himself 

I’M CRYING 

that whole moment was just literally my analysis post this show’s writers are so good i’m gonna sob 

mans really did just build a rocket huh 

I’m not over Monkey King’s teaching style actually y’all, when he’s not trying to pretend to be perfect and under control he is such a good mentor and his teaching style is exactly what Mk needs to flourish I’m sobbing on the floor 

Like, there’s a lot of mentor type figures who like, step in and don’t let their students handle things, but Monkey King lets Mk try, and if he needs him he’s there but if not, he lets him handle it. I’m just ;A; And MK’s never hurt about him stepping in when he needs it i’m just SOBBING ABOTU THIS RN SOBBING SO LOUD 

ALSO GB;SLDKFMAWOE SANDY SMOL SMOL SANDY 

TANG AND MEI SOBBING BGLDKMAWEFO 

SOBBING SO LOUDLY MYSELF SO I GET THAT BGKSMOWAEF 

THIS FRAMMMMMEEEE

I PUASED IT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT MK RESPONDS YET I’M JUST SOBBING AT THE FRAME OF MK AND HIS DADS I’M CRYING ON THE FLOOR WITH TANG AND MEI BUT FOR A TOTALLY DIFFERENT REASON RN YUP YUP 

HGHSLDKGBA;LEWMF;OAWIEGHOAI;WEJFAGAEFM;OAWMFI 

“you know what…” 

Mei: :D ? 

“We will have fun.” 

i LOVE HIM SO MUCHGBDS;FSA;OAWEIFGHAOIWEF

THE WAY PIGSY LOOKED SO STARTLED

MK GETS A TRIP WITH HIS DAD’S I LOVE THIS. 

THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANT I’M HODLING THEM ALL SO GENTLY PLS PLS PLSSSS ;A; 

MEIGBBDSL;FMAWOE

MEI 

“Okay. I’m over it” BG;LKAWMFAOWE SHE RECOVERS FAST I AM CRYIGNSB;FLAMOWEF 

the THE LI’LL DOODLE ON THE SIDE OF THE CONTROL CONSOL 

YOU BET MONKEY KING DREW THAT THAT’S HIS STYLE PLEASE I’M CRYING

HIM PUSHING BUTTONS

YOUR HONOUR THAT’S A MONKEY 

THE LI’LL TONGUE STICKY OUT

I’M SOBBIGNSDLFMWAEF 

HE IS MONKEY I LOVE HIM 

HE’S SO SCRUNGLY

HE’S SO SILLY 

I LOVE HIM

PIGSY BUCKLING UP

BUT NOT GETTING OUT OF THE ROCKET

HESBG;LSDKFMAO;HWAE

I’M CRYING

MONKEY KING’S SO BRIGHT N HAPPY ABOUT IT TO HE’S EXCITEDBG;LSKDFMA;WEO

THIS WHOLE EP JUST FEELS LIKE DAD IN TRAINING AU AND I’M SOBBING ABOUT IT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT I’M CRYING SO HARD BGLKSAFMA;WEF 

“whats’ that button do?” 

I’M SOBBING 

CRYING

ON THE FLOOR 

OH WOW

THEY CAN SEE LBD FROM THERE WOW 

AAAAN DTHEY CRASH 

Y’KNOW THEY GOTH THEREPRETTY FAST 

HE’S SO STUPIDDDD PLSSSSSS

HE FEELS CLOSER TO THAT JTTW VERSION OF MONKEY KING WE SAW IN EP 5, LIKE HE’S LOOSENED UP, HE’S CALMED DOWN, HE SEEMS HAPPIER AND CHILLER AND JUST YEAH I’M CRYING??? 

SOBBING CRYING

BONDING EXPERIENCES WITH TANG AND PIGSY IN THE VAN AFTER THE AMNISIA EPISODE I’VE DECIDED THAT HAPPENED THANKS 

THEY’RE SO SCRUNGLY I’M CRYING 

I LOVE HOW HAPPY PIGS IS 

“Remember, in and out, nO DISTRACTIONS” THAT COMIGNJ FROM YOU MK IS HILARIOUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 

THIS IS PIGSY’S DREAM N HE HAS TO BREEZE PAST IT GBLSKDFMAWOE

MK’S SO DETERMINED 

GBDFAWM;OFE THE WAY MONKEY KING IS JUST SO CHILL BEHIND THEM 

MK BEING OCNCEREND ABOUT HIM 

“DORKY MORTALS”

TAHT LI’LL SMILE OH MY GSHNFNDSLFGBAMA;WE

CRYING SOBBING SOBS 

AH

SENTINAL BUNNY ROBOT 

HELLO?????? 

Giant crushing type rabbit robot 

Monkey King: AWW A BABY 

wait why don’ they need space suits anymore—BG;LSAFMAWOE

Wukong -_- 

Mk >:( 

Pigsy :D 

That’s the whole episode i’m calling it now 

the fact that Mk’s looking for the ring in the cupboards when he saw it on the wall is so very Mk and  iove him—MONKEY KING THEMED CEREAL??? BNGS;LDKFM;OWAE

MONKEY KING PICTURE TAPED ON THE FRIGE I’M WHEEZINGBSDL;FMAWE

SHE AHS MONKEY KING MERCH I’M CRUYINGBDFL;KFMAEW

PIGSY’S SO HAPPY ABOU TTHIS 

Mk, looking everywhere except the spot he first saw it for the ring

… me when looking for my glasses 

GOSH I LOVE THIS EP SO MUCH IT’S SUCH GOOD VIBES RN 

MK AND PIGSY? 

FATHER AND SON. 

DID HE JUST GRAB IT WITH HIS TEETHGGNLFKMAWOEFAEW

WUKONG CROSSED LEGS CHILLIN IN A CHAIR

HE REALLY IS JUST SO UNRUSHED 

GHDFLKAJWE;FAWE

HE REALLY JUST SAID THAT LIKE AN RAIDIO HOST IN THE FIFITIES I’M SVB;KDSM;FAOGHOAIWFMOGHO;WEF

Monkey King is so chill rn and it’s not even like, forced chill or pretending not to be concerned it’s literally he’s so relaxed??? I’M HOLDING HIM SO GENTLY 

BUNNY ROBOT 

MONKEY KING’S FACE WHEN HE’S ON THE FLOOR IN THE CHAIR IS BGSLDKFM;GHAWIOFMWEF HE HASN’T EVEN MOVED

PIGSY FACEFIRST ON THE GROUDNGBL;SDFKAMOWEF

MK FORGETING HE HAS GOLD VISION ACTUALLY HAS VIBES OF FORGETTING U HAVE GLASSES 

WUKONG STILL ON THE FLOOR HE HASN’T EVEN TRIED TO MOVE YET BGDSALK;FM;AWOEF 

MK’S SPEED

OH MY GODSBGSAD;LKFAWE PLEASE MK MK PLEASE BUDDY MK MK NGSALDK;FMAWOE HE REALLY JUST GRABBED THEM AND SHOVED THEM BOTH IN THERE HUH 

The fact that Monkey King is just letting Mk pick him up and shove him down there is so funny to mebGAKWMEF 

MK PLUGGING HIS NOSE AND HOLDING HIS BREATH GBSDL;KFMAWE

AH

INTO A ROOM OF A BUNCH OF THEM I FEEL LIKE THAT’S CONCERNGNKDSMFOAWEF

 “aw crud” I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BGSDFM;AOWE 

AW MAN THEY’RE GETTING—OH SPACE SUITS BACK ON THAT WAS FASTBGL;KSDG;ABAOWFMNWE

MONKEY KING PLEASE

HE’S SO SILLY I LVE HIM SO MUCH 

NERFED BY CUTE 

HE’S JUST SO ENAMOURED BY THE BUNNIE DEATH ROBOTSBGSLDK;FMAWOEF

Mk’s got this tho 

I love that tho cause it’s like Monkey King “you can’t do it, I catch you” to Mk “you can’t do it, I catch you” ;-; 

AND ALSO HIM TAKING THE CHANCE TO TRY AGAIN I’M SOBBIGNFB;LFAWE

AND JUST THE HEART TAIL  ON MONKEY KING RN 

CRYING 

LOOK AT HIM GOOOOOOOOO

THEY’RE TINY 

MONKEY KING PLSSSSSSS I’M CRYING HE’S SO SCRUNGLY 

CHANG’E

SHE ARRIVES 

THEIR DIFFERENT FACES

WHY DOES WUKONG LOOK LIKE, CONCERNED 

PIGSY REALLY IS JUST :D THIS EPISODE BGSKDFMOAWEF CRYING 

I’M SOBBING I’M SOBBING SHE’S 

SHE’S SHEEEEEE

SHE’S EXCITED TO MEET THEMMM

I was gonna as “why are you mad, you have a picture of swk on ur fridge dude” AND NOW IT MAKE SO MUCH SENSEBG;LKSMF;OWAEF

LOOK AT HER PHOONNEEE 

SHE’S SO LOVELY 

SHE GAVE MK BUNNY EARS FOR THE PHOTO BGL;DAMFAWE 

WUKONGS FACE WUKONGS FACE GBSD;LFM;AWOE HE’S JUST BGS;DLFMN;AOGHAEWF

IMMEDEATELY STARTS TO MAKE FACES IN THE PICTURESGLSKDFMAWE

MK IS SO PRETTY I LOVE HOW THEY’RE ANIMATING HIM IN THIS EPISODE I’M SOBBING 

HEY HELEMETBGKLMFAWE

PIGSY BEING SHOCKEDBGDSLFKMAWE

HE STRAIGHT UP DOESN’T NEED A SPACESUIT PLS I’M SOBBINGBF;LAWMEF

MK LOOKS SO TIRED 

Love how she still wants her thing back yes good bKMAWFE

MK YOU NEVER RETURN ANYTHING WHAT DO YOU MEANGNDSL;FKMAEWF

BGDSLFASDLFJ YOU CAN KEEP IT

UNEXPECTED TURN BUT WOOO 

THE BLUE ONE 

IT’S THE BLUE 

PIGSY

NO

YOU DIDN’T 

PIGSY

MK CHANNELING HIS INNER PIGSY 

YOUNG MAN

YOUNG MANGNL;DSKFMAOWE

MK JUST STRAIGHT UP SCOLDING ALL HIS PARENTALS I’M CRYINBFLKSMFAOWE

PIGSY WHYYYYY 

I’M

HE’S CRYING?? 

PIGSY???

oh

ohhhhhh

OH I’M SOBBING 

I’M CRYING I’M 

IT’S HIS FAMILY RECIPE THAT HE CHERISHES AND PROTECTS AND HE WATNED TOGBSDLFKMAWE

I’M SOBBING??? 

DON’T CRY MR.PIG 

I’M CRYING THAT’S WHO’S CRYING 

THE SOFTNESS BETWEEN CHANG’E AND PIGSY ACTUALLY IS EVERYTHING I’M CRYING I WANT THEM TO BE FRIENDS SO BAD I WANT THEM TO VIDEO CAHT AND COOK TOGETHER ON WEEKENDS I WANT THEM TO SHARE RECIPES AND HANG OUT 

YOU WATCH UR MOUTH YOUNG MAN 

HE ZIPS HIS MOUTH SHUT

HE MAKES THE MOTION OF ZIPPING HIS MOUTH SHUT 

PLS HANG OUT WITH HER, PLS, PLS SHE’S SO LOVELY AND WONDERFUL

HER AND SCORPION DEMON SHOULD HANG OUT YES YES 

SAVING THE WORLD CAN WAIT MK KEEP THE GODDESS COMPANY SHE’S HECKA LONELY 

Wukong just carefully facing away and peeking back over his shouldlerBGLKAMFWAE

AW AND NOW THYE’RE BACK 

AW POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT FROM MONKEY KING

AW MK PLS

SANDY STILL TINY BG;LKMF;AWOFE

PRIORITIES I’M CRYINGBSDFL;AM;WEF

AWWW

AWW PIGSY 

PIGSY 

I’M CRYING

HE LOOKS SO SOFT I’M CRYING 

HE GETS HUG

THE WAY WUKONG’S LOOKING AT THEM PLS PLS PLS I’M SOBBING GO JOIN THE HUG U STUPID MONKEY I’M CRHGNAS;FWE

MAN

mAN

that’s such comfort episode

that is

that is nothing but comfort 

(aside from that last zoom in on the rings) 

SUCH COMFORT I’M HOLDING THEM ALL SO FREAKING GENTLY AND SOBBING N CRYING AND FALLING FACEDOWN ON THE GROUND 

PIGSY’S FACE WHEN HE’S WATCHING HIMSELF AND CHANG’E ON TV 

HE JUST WANTED TO SHARE SOMETING OF HIMSELF BECAUSE IT’S SO IMPROTANT TO HIM AND 

I’M CRYING SO HARD RN 

yeah okay, top three fav eps its gotta be its so soft and lovely the greatest filler episode i’m holding Mk and his Dad’s so gently 

Okay, I’m gonna go back and screenshot every time Monkey King’s sitting in a chair in this ep now I’LL GET TO THE NEXT THREE UNDOUBTABLY EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING EPISODES LATER THIS WEEK BG;SLDKFMAWOEF THANKS FOR READING GBSDL;FMA;WEOF 

[krisdreaming]

Hello, can you do terushima, ushijima & daichi headcanons (marriage, I like / dislike, sex ...) Thanks ☆

Heyo! So, I’m really sorry, but Terushima is not technically on the list of boys to write for, and I just don’t feel like I know him well enough for these types of headcanons. I’ll stick with Ushijima and Daichi, and I’ll just be doing marriage headcanons, since sex is kinda a no-go for me and I’m not really sure what you mean by like / dislike aha. Sorry ;-; I really loved writing these!

-

Ushijima

He would definitely be one to get married a bit later in life. He just has a lot on his plate, and he knows what a big commitment it is, so he wants to be able to devote as much of himself to it as possible.

When he does propose to you, he gets just a tiiiiny, tiny bit teary-eyed. His proposal isn’t flowery or long, but he tells you in his own up-front, honest way that he appreciates the way you’ve always been there for him and supported him even though he knows it wasn’t easy. He says that now it’s his turn to step up and be there for you the way you deserve.

Now you’re teary-eyed too.

He gets weirdly into the wedding planning, like he has a notebook and everything. He’s so organized about it. It helps you feel a little less frazzled.

On the big day, watching you walk down the aisle toward him, he’s just a little overcome by everything because tbh he didn’t really fully comprehend that this is real until that moment.

He holds your hands so tight and he’s not really smiling so some of your guests are a little concerned but you can see it in his eyes - he’s just totally and completely and perfectly in love with you and it hits you hard.

Married life with him is just so calm and nice. He’s definitely one for routine, so things don’t get changed up a lot and it’s just really comfortable.

He ALWAYS makes time for you. His life is still kind of hectic, but he’s very intentional about making sure you don’t get pushed aside.

Every month he has one day set aside that is purely time for the two of you to chill, or go on a date, or whatever. It’s YOUR day. Nothing will get in the way of it.

When it comes to kids, the two of you have a very serious conversation. He just wants to be sure that you both know what to expect and that you’re both truly ready for the huge responsibility.

And he’s the most caring dad. When he holds your baby for the first time he gets a little misty-eyed. He decides immediately that he will do whatever it takes to make sure your child is safe and happy and loved.

Overall, he just takes marriage / fatherhood / everything very seriously, and he does what he has to do to make it a priority.

Daichi

Daichi is one I could see marrying his high school sweetheart. He’s a pretty simple guy and he knows what he wants, so he goes after it. It’s kind of a no-brainer for him.

He proposes to you at a simple time, with some of your closest friends there. There’s nothing flashy about it, and it takes you a few moments to really grasp that holy crap this is happening right now.

He has this huge smile on his face when he asks you, and he had this little speech prepared but in the moment all he can really get out is how much he loves you and how he can’t imagine his life without you in it.

He hugs you SO TIGHT after you say yes.

He leaves the planning mostly to you, all he’ll say is that he’s happy with whatever you want, and tbh it’s a little irritating when you’re trying to get his opinion on something lmao

He’s, like, v i b r a t i n g on the wedding day. He just can’t believe it’s actually happening, and Suga has to punch him in the gut to remind him to chill tf out. (ofc Suga is his best man)

When he watches you walking toward him, he’s just pretty much frozen. All he sees is you. His cheeks hurt because he can’t stop freaking smiling all day. Expect so many tiny kisses throughout the reception and everything.

Daichi is like A+ husband material, tbh. He’s willing to compromise, the two of you work together on pretty much everything be it cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, you name it.

He makes it a point to say “I love you” before you go to sleep every night.

The talk about kids comes up relatively soon after you’re married. It just seems like the natural next step for him.

He’s a really great dad and takes it so seriously. He will help out with anything and everything you need. Spending one-on-one time with your kid(s) is super important to him.

Honestly, in the same way that I feel Bokuto is best boyfriend, imo Daichi is best husband.

[gnar-slabdash]

01.01: The Nigerian Job - Nate

Okay so the deal is I could NOT get my comments on this episode down to a single post so I’m going to make a post for each character. We’re gonna start with bae and you are forewarned that it is gonna be a lot of swooning. But before we get to the swooning, I have some QUESTIONS:

1. What was happening before the first scene?  a) Was he actually going to be on a plane? Where to? Where from? Why is he in a hotel? b) Why also is he pouring one alcohol into another alcohol, I mean I love it, but why? He’s at a bar he could just ask them to put two alcohols together, its literally their job. 

2. I wanna know what’s up with how impatient he is after the first job while the files are uploading, after being very cool and very invested so far. Conscience catching up? Exhausted and too long without a drink? I don’t know but I love how awful he looks all hunched over and anxious to get back to his bed and his bottle. Also I can just feel the early morning up too late sniffly  cold in this scene it’s so well shot.

3. Anybody know enough about guns to tell me if the safety was really on?

4. When they’re in the hospital, all of a sudden Nate is out of the cuffs and eliot isn’t? Did I MISS a shot or did he just DO that casually offscreen? Because that would be incredibly awesome. 

5. I know this is just for the dramatic irony later on, but it bothers me so much that supposedly “everybody knows” the deets about Sam and IYS . . . . . EXCEPT, as we later find out, M A G G I E????? HOW????? I understand the WHY, but not the HOW, if literally everyone else knows, from friends at work to every art thief in the world.

6. I know it makes sense logistically since he’s usually doing the behind the scenes stuff so he’s usually available when they need a quick getaway, but on a “let’s not die” level, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do they always let Nate be the getaway driver holy crap we literally KNOW he drinks and drives. 

7. Is anyone else always bothered that in the last scene, in the middle of everything that is so perfect about it, he’s sitting in a chair that looks just slightly too big for him?

Okay, that’s all my Questions, now it’s time for Things That Are Amazing And Sexy:

- Nate being a jackass

- that dark button up over white undershirt -- who was it that pointed out how it imitates priest’s vestments? Whoever you are you’re a genius and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

- how fast he transitions from “punch you in the neck” to just a totally reasonable analysis of the situation once he gets interested.

- that their HQ tech in this episode is a fucking projecter and call center headset, in contrast to what they have once they find out just how goo Hardison is.

- the stubble, hi yes can I get more stubble forever.

- that amidst his vast array of knowledge Nate also has knowledge like “it’s the playoffs.” Idk, I don’t like sports at all but for some reason I like that there’s part of him that’s a normal enough dude to like sports. 

- oh no he does the steepled fingers thing thanks I didn’t need my underwear anyway.

- my favorite, the morning after shot: totally bare hotel room, three empty hotel liquor bottles, still dressed and on top of the covers, and that’s it, like, you can just see how completely exhausted he was and how nice it was to be able to come in and drink those and just pass out immediately. And then Dubinich has to go and ruin everything by yelling at the poor hungover sleepy boy. 

- the fact that Nate suggests GOING TO DUBINICH’S OFFICE, he must REALLY have not been awake yet, can you imagine Nate showing up at Dubenich’s nice clean office looking the way he looks in this scene to “straighten out” their CRIME DEAL it’s such a good picture.

- Obviously Eliot could have taken Hardison’s gun in some super smooth way but instead Nate just fucking yoinks it like “You have got to be kidding me, you’re gonna shoot your eye out.”

- there’s such great character hints in how they all hold the guns, Nate straight and matter of fact not trying to prove anything but knows what he’s doing, Hardison fancy and useless, Parker looks like she COULD use it but that’s not her main goal her main goal is to be cool and craaaazy

- and then Nate has like a fuckin velociraptor moment with his crazy daughter to get her to put the gun down lmao

- Swooshy cooooooat! - Nate opening the garage door, making sure they get out safe before him -- he feels responsible, he’s playing dad even as he tries to separate himself from them -- he owes them nothing really and he’s still taking charge and risking himself to save them. @ everyone who says nate doesn’t have actual caring emotions, that’s some bullshit.

- god his eyes are pretty

- his reactions in the hospital, first waking up to instant panic, then just moving straight to “well fuck it’s just one thing after another huh.” Look how awful he looks and he’s still immediately seeing what they don’t and pulling their strengths together, this is a much better example of what he’s capable of than the dumb lines in the beginning that were supposed to tell us he was smart.

- the beautiful ultimate irony that Dubinich’s fake story not only got the crew together but also gave them their whole modus operandus, they just take the lie he gave them of stealing things to help people and then they actually do it.

- I’m never, ever gonna get over the fuckin “balls tied to the stock market” line

- Nate smashing the car windows. So hot. Also MAN that must be therapeutic, lmao he looks so satisfied at the end

[dark-and-kinky-hetalia-scenarios]

1p Ancient Rome/Julius Vargas

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

When he’s not drunk, he is pretty good at aftercare, he cuddles the shit out of you 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes every single part of your body 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He likes to cum all over your body, no place is left without cum 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

This man is open about everything and therefore has no dirty secret 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Holy shit this man has a lot of experienced, he’s probably one of the most experienced countries, this comes from partying in cults, such as the cult of Dionysus

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Anything freaky and comfortable 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’s a big goof and will joke with you 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He sometimes shaves, but it’s on and off 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s very romantic and sweet 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t jack off, he saves it up for the orgies 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Orgies

Threesomes 

Drunk/high sex 

Modern day Rome would be into lingerie 

Modern day Rome has a slight daddy kink

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Tn the middle of the cult place where all the others can see you and him 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He’s horny when he’s drunk/high 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do)

He doesn’t have any hard limits, he may not be the kinkiest fellow, but he doesn’t say no to trying something new 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He definitely knows what he’s doing when it comes to giving oral, he doesn’t care much about how much he gives and how much he gets, he’s just happy to have a good time 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on his partner, he’s an all around guy, and does what you like

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He isn’t exactly into it, but he doesn’t say no either 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s game with anything, just not something that can literally kill you, danger is fine as long as it isn’t high risk

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He’s a beast, he can go up to ten times, he’s the one with the most stamina

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Modern time Rome owns a crap ton of toys and will happily use them

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Yeah sometimes, if you really don’t like it he will stop, but otherwise he loves it 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s a loud motherfucker and it’s a mix of moans and groans

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He’s hot biseuxal mess, but actually demiromantic 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s above average in both length and girth

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very high, especially if he’s drunk or high then he has the highest sex drive of the countries

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If it’s normal fucking, then he’d prefer to just cuddle with you and not sleep at all, unless it’s nighttime or siesta 

[randomeditscreates]

The Force Awakens Breakdown

So I know no one gives a shit about my opinions on movies and my last post about the sequel trilogy [ST] But honestly I want to continue talking about these crap movies. So now that we got that through, lets start.

1) Jar Jar Abrams start this movie by basically ripping off the concept of the OT [Original Trilogy] The First Order [The empire] has taken over with a dark side user [Kylo Ren in this one, and Darth Vader in the OT] with a more powerful dark side user in the background pulling all the strings [Snoke and Creamy Sheeve respectfully] With an opposing side that happening to be small in numbers, [The Rebels and The Resistance(What they're resisting, no fucking clue, but it sounds nice)]

2) Rey Palpatine (I refuse to use the other name) is the protagonist of this story, and just so happens to live in a desert planet, you know like Luke. And happens to be the most laziest character Jar Jar and Kathleen Kennedy ever created. She's kind, and friendly and her only flaw is that she doesn't have any family. She's a scavenger, yet has so much proficient in the force, you would think she's been training for decades. She has great skill in flying ships and fixing them, that you would think, it would at least be a throwaway line. But nope, she has no reasoning for knowing how to fly or fix ships and the only reasoning we really have is that, Jar Jar wanted it, so he put it in. And throughout this movie and following ones, she picks up skills like their pokemon cards because fuck hard work. Now Rey pisses me off, not just because of her lazy character, but because during all the movies, nothing ever fucking happens to her, she doesn't get hurt to an extreme degree like Finn, She doesn't go through a huge revelation, all that happens is that Rey loses Han (someone she barely knows) then she magically beat Kylo,( who if you don't remember has years even decades over Rey in training) and then decides to find Luke. And that leads to the third problem...

3) The movie is too full. for being a movie that is 2 hours and 16 minutes, yes I fucking looked it up, this movie seems to drag on and not develop any of their concepts. Because while I fucking agree that Rian Johnson left fucking nothing for Jar Jar to work with, at least his story had some character development, and yes it dumb and breaks the world but I'll take what I can get. All the main characters in this movie all ends up the same as they start off with. Rey is a happy and kind character with no past, turns to Rey is a happy and kind character with no past and force abilities. Kylo Ren is tangled up Christmas lights drenched in yogurt and acid, and turns into a tangled up Christmas lights drenched in yogurt and acid, who ends up Killing his father. But if you remember is haunted by that death by TLJ [The Last Jedi] Poe Dameron is a self assured Spit-fired Pilot and ends up a Spit-fired self assured Pilot who's Not dead. Even the characters who do get develop, Finn and, oh my god, it's only Finn, get's completely rewritten in TLJ and gets the story arc redone just terribly. We can't even talk about Han, Leia or even Maz, because Han doesn't change and then dies, Leia doesn't get enough screen time to show anything about this character, and Maz is supposed to Yoda in a yellow and female clothing, and they do shit with that too because it leads to this..

4) Maz Kanata and holy fuck, she's literally the reason Han is dead. Maz yells very loudly to the entire cantina that Han Solo is here, which leads for the First Order to be notified. She somehow has Luke's lightsaber [It doesn't get explained, not even in the later movies] and somehow Rey is drawn to it, and leads to Maz giving advice, but you know the shitty type because it ends with Rey running away in the forest for her to get caught by Kylo. She tells Finn that he shouldn't leave, and that it turns makes him severely injured. And if you don't remember she does the same to Han, and he ends up dead. And her cantina gets fucking destroyed after being their for centuries, yet she couldn't give a fuck. and it shows the true issue, Jar Jar and Kathleen Kennedy in extent doesn't give a fuck about characters and just wants to to get from point A to point B with a lot of flashing lights.

5) Han Solo: Character Assassination. A character who developed into a man who was ready to risk it all for the rebellion. A character we loved in the OT is now broken down into his New Hope person all over again. Who apparently has scammed everyone in the galaxy? Um, Jar Jar, I know it might seem strange to you, but a smuggler needs people who trust him to get jobs and therefore receive income. But I guess I shouldn't expect much from the same man that think a Smuggler would want to be easily known or recognized. Also Leia and him are either broken up or divorced and that makes me feel really happy to know a couple that I loved are no longer together and one of this dead. Because Han Solo is just there for fan service and to shoot his gun, because that's what he's here for to go pew pew. Oh and to die, that what all the OT fans wanted, One of the main three characters killed by their own child.

6) Subtle doesn't exist in this movie, everything is given the delicacy of a hammer. We find out that Kylo or Ben, (I really don't fucking give a shit) is the son of Han solo, by Snoke just saying, the droid is in the possession of your father Han Solo, like no shit I assumed that when you mentioned the Millennium Falcon. Who would you think I thought Kylo was the son of, Chewbacca? Finn's story arc is the only one that makes you think, and brings a new aspect to the movies, and to the Stormtroopers. I just fucking wish we could do the same for the others Stormtroopers, because the other are killed with no regards that most of them, as Finn states were sold into this at a young age. Good job Resistance for killing all these people who was forced into this with no regards. How does a series that came like a decade before you (Star Wars: The Clones War Series) manage to develop the concepts that stormtroopers or clones are not mindless drones better than you. (The Rookie episode in the first season helps flesh out all the clones and they only have 25 minutes per episode, get you're shit together Lucas Films) And these are only the examples I could think of, off the top of my head.

7) Rey is a great example of Sexism, but instead it goes the other way around then usual. All the male characters are laughed at and or ridiculed, but all the females are perfect and don't need to change. One of the last scene is a great example of this, Kylo Ren, the one with years of training and two powerful masters who trained him, gets beat by Rey, someone who has no skill with a lightsaber and didn't even know she could use the force until Jar Jar decided to pull it out his ass. Even Finn who has at least close quarters fighting skills under his belt couldn't beat Kylo, and has to be saved by Rey. Now I will admit to being a feminist but Kathleen version completely differs from mine. Because while I believe both men and women are both capable of reaching the same level of skill, Kathleen think women should be able to do incredible things without working for it. And it clear by her stupid "The Force is female" Like shut the fuck up, the force was never given a gender, why the fuck are you doing it now? I also found out that most of the Crew in Lucas Film, happens to be female. and it's clear who's doing that. Again I am a feminist but I hate when people just have diversity for the sake of diversity instead of the person's capabilities. It's very vindictive of the Feminist movement, The Black Lives Movement and LGBT+ agenda as well, as we're trying to make people see them as just like everyone else which they fucking are (I will not stand for any form of bigotry and if you don't like something simply because of someone's race, gender or sexuality, you are shit human being) , they just so happen to not be a straight white man. And that they have the same struggles as everyone else. Also we already had strong female characters in the series without the big emphasis on the fact that they have a vagina. As from the basis, Star Wars was never about gender and because of this we got fully developed character we could relate to.

Now Dishonorable Mentions

A) This movie is fucking 2 hours and 16 minutes long, yet it feel so unfinished

B) Jar Jar Abrams deep seated love for mystery boxes and how it get more screen time then the actual Character it involves (Rey)

C) The movie could've been great, they're was definitely potential but it was dwarfed by mystery boxes and Visuals

D) Rey is not a Mary Sue in this Movie, she becomes one by the end of TLJ but she's not yet. So I guess it one positive.

E) Jar Jar inability for world Building, and doesn't even fucking tries to explain how the First Order even began to rise.

F) Poe Fucking Dameron, and the amount of time that is dedicated to him. I love him but come on, just make it someone like Han, as it could bring up the relationship between him and his son, which could then bring more emphasis when we reveal their relationship. But no lets bring up a character who we all assume is dead until about the end. And then does absolutely fucking nothing.

G) And Lastly when we see Han die, we don't get a scene of any of the characters we give a fuck about and who knows Han mourn his death, instead we just have two characters who had about 15 minutes of screen time with Han, and Chewbacca. And it doesn't get better because Rian Johnson decides in the second movie that we don't need a scene of Luke mourning over the man who fought side by side with him and is his Sister's husband. No Instead we get a scene of him drinking tit milk.

So that's it, well for now, I'll make another post for this if I have any more issues. But that it for now. I would also like to make it damn clear now, as I'll probably continue this, that me tearing apart a movie is based soley on the technical aspects of it. And that if you enjoyed this movie, you are entitled to it, but you cannot defend this movie's writing , because as I hoped I made clear, the writing is very much shit.

[fatandnerdy30]

Hi mom!! I was wondering if maybe you'd write some spiderman into the spiderverse g/t? like maybe Peter B. and Miles' universes are different sizes and Miles is v very smol 👉👈

Yes I can! And I did! I hope you like it!

"No!" Miles was being sucked into the glitching tunnel, shooting a web to grab onto something, but it was impossible. Every web he shot was broken a moment later by the force. He was too late to reach the lever to turn it off, and he was getting closer and closer until finally, he watched Kingpin waving with a sick grin on his face as Miles was pulled into the light screaming.

And popped out screaming, his senses screaming at him that he was in danger. 'No duh!' he thought in a panic. 

Suddenly a shadow fell over him and Miles reached out for it, shooting a web and attaching to it, thinking it was a building. But he thought differently as he got closer and felt heat radiating off it, and when he slammed into the side of it, he expected to hit glass, not something squishy.

"Miles!?" Peter's voice rang around the boy and with a gasp, said boy looked around for his mentor, but he was too high up to see anyone. So how could Peter have spoken to him? And why was it so loud?

"Peter? Where are you?" His arms were getting tired so he let the webbing go. He was expecting it to stay in the same place, but it seemed to fall...or rather, Miles was rising. "What the hell!?" he cried and grabbed onto the moving building. Suddenly, it wasn't sky he was looking at. It was a face...a gigantic face! 

"Miles, what are you doing here!?" Peter's voice came from the face that was in front of Miles. The boy was confused, scared and just a bit terrified as his mind blared he was in danger louder than it ever had since he'd gotten these powers. "Hello? Miles?" Another shadow fell over the boy and he cried out, jumping from whatever he was holding onto, shooting out a web, but this Peter giant was too big and he was too far, none of his webs would reach.

"Holy crap!" The black-suited boy was flailing his arms, staring up at Peter with fright and pleading in his eyes. He didn't wanna die like this! Then, out of nowhere, giant Peter moved and the boy found himself landing on something soft and bouncing a few times before finally stopping. He tensed a moment before falling on his back, pulling his mask off, because this must be a dream and took a deep breath. "I thought I was gonna die!" he laughed.

"I thought that too," Peter said and Miles felt himself being lifted and turned his head to see fingers towering over him, curling a bit almost like a living cage. The boy shot up and moved, but out of nowhere another hand closed over him, trapping him in dark heat. "None of that," Peter's voice rang around him as Miles felt himself being lifted anymore. "Let's get you somewhere safe and then we'll talk." 

Miles felt himself being moved and saw the light for a moment before he was dumped into a brown hammock-like fabric that definitely wasn't a pocket. He felt each one of his mentor's footsteps as he walked through the bustling streets, the voices around Miles were loud and obnoxious, but also terrifying by the sheer volume. The boy sat down and pulled his knees to his chest, hiding his face in them. He was gonna get Kingpin for this.

Finally, Peter made his way home, sighing as he leaned against the elevator door. He was running an errand when he heard a tiny scream that sounded too familiar and looked up to see Miles falling from the damn sky! He wasn't expecting this to happen today. He'd said his goodbyes a year ago and never expected to see the kid again after going to his realm. Peter hadn't been comfortable being stuffed into a body too small for him and was glad when he came home. 

But, this caused another problem altogether. He unlocked his apartment and rushed inside, all but slamming the door. "Hey there, tiger." MJ's voice came from the kitchen as she banged a few pots around. "Did you get the eggs?" She poked her head out and instantly went on alert, pulling out her communicator. "Should I call them?"

Peter shook his head and dragged his hands down his face. "No. It's not anything bad...I mean, it's bad, but not world-ending bad." He took his coat off with care and draped it over the hook, reaching into the pocket. "Come on...Miles, cooperate with me!" Finally, he grabbed the boy who was dodging his fingers and was able to pull him up, keeping the boy in his fist. "We have another problem." 

He sat on the couch and slowly opened his hand over the coffee table, a small object falling with a tiny 'oof'."What is that?" Mary-jane sat next to him and peered down at Miles who turned to look at her with terror-filled curiosity. Her eyes lit up. "He's adorable!" she tucked her red hair behind her ears and lowered her hand to Miles, sticking out her pointer finger. "I'm MJ," she introduced herself. 

Miles looked at the huge finger in front of him and blushed at the pretty giant in front of him. "M-Miles." Reaching out, he grabbed the woman's finger and shook it. But when she pulled away, he came with her, his fingers sticking to her skin. "Oh! S-sorry, sorry....I um...I haven't learned to control it when I'm nervous," he said with a shy laugh. 

"Stop hitting on my girlfriend and tell me why you're here. How did you get here?" Peter poked the tiny boy in the stomach, grinning as he doubled over and glared up at the giant. 

"I was fighting with Kingpin when he shoved me in a room and the doors locked...that's when he opened the glitch where you came from a year ago. I didn't even know he still had that technology! I was so scared!" He shivered. "And now, I'm stuck here." He sat on the table heavily, bringing his knees up to his chest and rocking. "I just wanna go home, man! I never asked to come here!"

Peter nodded. "I understand...but until we can figure this out, let's get some food, huh?" He put his hand down on the table next to Miles and smiled at him. This was gonna be tough...

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 11 Extravapalooza

Holy moly, we’ve already made it to Week 11. I’m honestly conflicted over whether or not this is a good thing. In terms of basic pandemic mitigation practices, the NFL conducting its season is fucking insane. These guys are all well-compensated pros, but they’re still taking risks well above and beyond what they normally do, and I truly feel pretty shitty about that. In addition, the fact that some stadiums are allowing thousands of fans inside during games is a crime against humanity, and it really lays bare how craven and sociopathic the ghouls who own sports franchises are. 

With that said, it’s extremely hypocritical of me to be so disdainful of the NFL’s current existence, since I watch the games, set my fantasy lineup, and generally enjoy all the stuff that comes with an NFL season. I usually bristle and roll my eyes whenever a sporting entity trots out the whole “We feel like we’re helping society by providing a distraction from everything going on” line, but in this case, with where we are right now as a country...the NFL really is doing that. For me, anyway. Is the stress-relief that the NFL provides to me and millions of other people worth all the bad stuff that comes with it? I don’t know. Probably not. But, I’d be lying if I said I’m not thankful that it’s there.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Tennessee Titans at Baltimore Ravens (-6)

It’s odd to have a game between a pair of 6-3 teams widely considered contenders that feels like a “must win” for each scuffling side. A great man once said “Desperation is a stinky cologne,” and the Titans absolutely reek coming into this one, so I’m giving them the edge. Baltimore being down two starting defensive linemen when Derrick Henry comes to town also factors into my pick, but nobody wants to hear that nerd shit, gotta go with my GUT, baby!

Philadelphia Eagles at Cleveland Browns (-2.5)

Hey, Cleveland doesn’t have to play in the middle of a tornado this week! There will still be driving rains, though. Fortunately, the Browns are built for the slop. RBs Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt are both ridiculous, but I’d like to give a special shoutout to G Wyatt Teller, who is currently Pro Football Focus’ highest-graded player...in the entire NFL. That’s some grade A beef! DE and straight-up superhuman Myles Garrett is out for this one, which is an enormous blow for the Cleveland defense. If I had any confidence whatsoever in Carson Wentz I’d think about taking Philly, but that young man is a mess.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-10.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars

I’m once again betting on the Steelers playing down to the level of their competition. The Jags kept things close against the Packers last week, there’s fight in them thar cats.

Cincinnati Bengals at Washington Football Team (-1.5)

I’m still extremely nervous for Alex Smith the entire time he’s on the field, but I have to admit there’s something magical about him making it all the way back to being exactly as Alex Smith-y as he was before (minus the scrambling ability, obviously). Washington RB J.D. McKissic has 16(!) catches on 29(!!) targets over the two games Smith has started. If this continues J.D. is going to owe Alex a cut of his next contract, and possibly the mineral rights to his legs if the need arises.

Today is Cincy RB Gio Bernard’s birthday, so LOOK OUT LADIES!

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints (-3.5)

I’m making this pick based on the assumption that New Orleans really does roll with Taysom Hill at QB for the entire game, because that’s what all currently available information indicates will happen. I really do wonder if that’s going to be the case, though. I’ve read a couple of things speculating that the reason Hill is starting is that if Jameis plays he’s likely to reach various incentive clauses in his contract and cost the Saints a bunch of money. That seems utterly ridiculous to me, because why the hell would you bother signing him at all if this is how you were gonna roll? Then again, I’m not a Football Man, so maybe my un-browned normie brain just doesn’t understand.

Detroit Lions (-3) at Carolina Panthers

CATFIGHT!!!

The Lions are the orange kitty in this scenario, because Matthew Stafford will be playing through a torn thumb while not having WR Kenny Golladay or RB D’Andre Swift at his disposal. 

New England Patriots (-2) at Houston Texans

The concept of an “emotional hedge,” first introduced to me by RTARL commenter Beer, is in play here. I have NO idea if the Patriots are actually decent or not, and this has all the makings of a letdown game coming off of their unexpected win over Baltimore. Reigning Defensive Player of the Year Stephon Gilmore is expected to be back for the Pats in this one, which is very nice. RB Sony Michel is also likely coming back, which could muddy the backfield and take touches away from Damien Harris, which is less nice. 

The Patriots have an atrocious rush defense, but Houston’s primary RB, Duke Johnson, is far better as a receiver than as a straight-up runner, so I’m not sure they can take advantage all that much. In addition, Duke’s receiving skills are mostly squandered because QB DeShaun Watson hates checking down and seemingly prefers to take sacks while looking for throws downfield instead. Wait, why the hell am I picking Houston here??? Is this what hedging is? I don’t like it!

LATE GAMES

New York Jets at Los Angeles Chargers (-9.5)

It feels weird to lay 9.5 points with a 2-7 team, but such is the power of the Jets’ ineptitude. To New York’s credit, they were competitive in two of their last three games (against NE and BUF), but those two games were sandwiched around a 35-9 beatdown at the hands of Kansas City. We would all feel better if the cool, young Chargers steamrolled these sad sacks in a joyous explosion of big plays, and this pick is my attempt at speaking it into existence. 

Miami Dolphins (-3.5) at Denver Broncos

I don’t know why I have an affinity for Drew Lock, but I do. He probably appeals to the same part of my brain that delights in terrible movies and horrible jokes, which is the most backhanded compliment I have ever given anyone in my entire life. Drew's gonna tough it out and try to play through a rib injury this week, which is gutty and admirable and all that, but I can’t imagine it’s going to help his already shaky accuracy.

Green Bay Packers at Indianapolis Colts (-1.5)

The Packers are getting their best defensive player back in CB Jaire Alexander, which will make life more difficult for increasingly-noodle-armed Colts QB Philip Rivers. Conversely, Indy’s defense is among the best in the league, so I don’t really see a carnival of offense coming from the Packers, either. Honestly, this should be a close, well-played game between two exceedingly competent squads. The kind of game where there will be long stretches where nothing major happens, but you can point out random shit that happens away from the ball and talk about line play and really sound like you know what the fuck you’re talking about. A tremendous game for fraudulent football-knowers everywhere.

Dallas Cowboys at Minnesota Vikings (-7)

It would be an INCREDIBLY Vikings move to lose this game outright. The return of Andy Dalton is being treated like it’s something that’ll get the Cowboys somewhat back on track, but prior to his injury he looked like crap, so I don’t really know where that’s coming from. Also, while he was out with a concussion he had a bout with COVID-19 that “hit him hard.” It’s tough for me to imagine he’s going to play BETTER coming out of what sounds like a truly shitty few weeks.

SNF: Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) at Las Vegas Raiders

A lot has been made about how pissed Kansas City is about the Raiders taking a supposed “victory lap” in their team bus around the Arrowhead parking lot after their win over the Chiefs earlier in the season, and I’m choosing to completely buy into this narrative because it’s fucking hilarious. If K.C. has already reached the “needing to exaggerate/outright invent slights to get up for regular season games against inferior opponents” portion of their reign, we’re in great shape for entertainment purposes going forward.

MNF: Los Angeles Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-4)

I don’t remotely trust Jared Goff against Tampa Bay’s defense. I do think this is probably our SMASHMOUTH NOSEBLEED GRIND IT OUT Game of the Week, and I can already see Tom Brady screaming at his offensive linemen at some point after he gets popped a couple of times during a single possession. Should be fun!

Last Week’s Record: 7-5-1

Season Record: 65-68-5

[galactic-academia]

hello! hope you are doing alright, could i request #31 with sherlock please if you are taking requests at the moment. thankyou!

Hey! I’m fine, thanks. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, I just finished my exams and, to be completely honest with you, I really didn’t know how I would fulfill this prompt… So, I did my best and I really hope you will enjoy it anyway

Rating: G

Category: F/M

Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)

Relationship: Sherlock Holmes/Female Reader

Tags: Light Angst, Protective Sherlock, Lestrade Does His Best, Donovan Is A *****, First Kiss.

Words: 1464

Notes: I’m not a native, please, forgive my mistakes. Picture is not mine. I hope you will enjoy it

Masterpost | Ask | Guidelines | Sherlock (BBC) Masterlist

When Y/N had become Detective Lestrade’s trainee, she was thrilled and neither the paperwork nor the impossible schedules would have made her change her mind.Lestrade was very kind, explaining her what she needed to know, to do, how to deal with everyone, everything, with a holy patience. And, God, patience he needed: Y/N was nice and clever, eager to learn but she was also the clumsiest person Lestrade had ever known. Last week, when she had toppled the pile of folders on Donovan’s desk, the Detective Sergeant had yelled at her so badly that the new trainee had flew to hide behind her mentor. Clumsy, shy, adorable… Nothing to become a good cop.

But Lestrade still had had to do his work, criminals weren’t so kind to behave while he was forming his new protegee. And this new case seemed to want to be a baffling problem. Of course, he knew what he needed to do: calling Sherlock. But he was also afraid of the encounter between Y/N and the only one Consulting Detective, only God knew what he would be able to tell his little trainee and Lestrade didn’t want her to be traumatized. Well… She was here to learn, wasn’t she?

“Ok, listen to me Y/N…”

“Yes, Detective.”

The young woman was already ready to take notes.

“Hum… What did I tell you to do when you find yourself in troubles you’re unable to solve?”

“Calling someone to help me: two heads are better than one.”

“Exactly. And this is what I’ve done. I’ve called a friend of mine to help me figuring on our latest case, ok?”

“Sure.”

“But he’s a little… Special? Don’t be afraid of him, he won’t hurt you. You may don’t believe it at first, but he’s a very good guy, ok? Just… If he says bad things to you… Well… Don’t listen to him?”

“O… Ok…”

“Fine, everything will be fine, so…”

“What is it Lestrade? A mysterious robbery? A puzzling threat? A murder? Several murders? Criminals of London had been so lazy lately! That’s a shame.”

Well… Detective Lestrade could have dreamed of better way to introduce Sherlock Holmes to Y/N; she was already looking at him with a puzzled face. But it could have been worse, far, far worse. Twenty minutes later, Lestrade, Donovan, Sherlock and Y/N were on the crime scene and the situation was beginning to be less and less manageable for the Detective Inspector. In one hand, he was trying to understand what the Consulting Detective was rambling about, in the other hand, he was keeping an eye on Y/N in order to a) write her report to the Police Academy b) keep her from doing something silly. And do you think Donovan would help him in these tasks? Nooo, absolutely not! She was far too busy bitching about “freaks and half-witted trainees”.

When, while taking notes and following Lestrade everywhere, Y/N almost stepped on the corpse for the fourth time, Sherlock, who was then crouching next to the said corpse, suddenly looked up to her. He got up and towered her from all his height. Crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP! Poor little Y/N was going to be eaten alive by the dark and icy Detective! Seeming to understand her destiny, Y/N gasped under Sherlock’s gaze and ran to hide herself behind her mentor, who was, now, slightly lost.

“What’s that?”

It took several seconds for Lestrade to understand Sherlock was talking to him. What he was talking about, on the other hand…

“What?”

“What’s that?”

“What’s that what?”

“Behind you.”

There were only two things behind the Detective Inspector: the door and Y/N. Since it was reasonably presumable that Sherlock actually knew what a door was, Lestrade thought he was talking about Y/N.

“Ah. Not “what”, “who”. This is Y/N, my trainee.”

Sherlock threw a dubious glance to the young lady whose head was half curiously half scarily peaking behind Lestrade’s shoulder before mumbling a vague “…K.” and returning to the task at hand.

When Lestrade was sure the incident was over, he turned towards Y/N and tell her to go back to the car, he wanted to be able to read her notes when they would be back to the HQ. She has been very lucky to avoid the Consulting Detective’s fury. He wasn’t usually this lax when people were messing around his crime scene. A second miracle like that wouldn’t happen.

***

This incident could have been forgotten if the murder for which Lestrade had had to call Sherlock hadn’t been the first of several others. Serial killer; yes, it’s Christmas, we know. Since who says “serial killer” says “Sherlock on ninth cloud and very eager to solve the mystery”, Lestrade and his trainee were constantly running between Baker Street, Scotland Yard HQ and crime scenes. It wouldn’t have been a problem – that was their job, after all – if Y/N didn’t become the embodiment of the hearts eyed smiley each time the Detective appeared. It was unsubtle, awkward and really unprofessional. Lestrade should have bawl Y/N out, she was here to learn not to foolishly fall in love with the first of the class who, out of luck, would notice, make fun of her and break her heart! But Lestrade was also very soft and protective, so, when he realised that Sherlock was just passing over Y/N, he decided that either she would understand by herself that her love was unrequited or the end of her traineeship would mean the end of this one-side love story. He only tried to explain to his trainee that, well… How to say? Sherlock wasn’t a man for her? And it wasn’t because of her, no, no, he was a man for no one, that’s all. That hope was, in this case, a loss of time and energy. The only answer he got was Y/N’s suddenly sad face flushing deeply. He was right and she knew it, there was nothing more to say.

Lestrade had been very pleased to note his trainee had listened to him: the next time they ended at Baker Street, she kept her eyes down and sat down on a chair, taking notes, without trying to draw the Sherlock’s attention. So, the Detective Inspector had been very startled when he had heard the supposedly high functioning sociopath shout:

“Stop biting that fucking lip!”

A shocked silence felt on the flat. Lestrade, the eyes round like saucers, saw the penetrating glare Sherlock was giving to Y/N. He also saw Y/N shrivelling on her chair and was about to sound Sherlock off when this last started again, far softer:

“Stop biting that fucking lip, because it makes me crave to kiss your teeth away, what is stopping me from focusing and I really need to focus because lives are at stake.”

If possible, the silence which followed this statement was even more shocked than before, but it was nothing compared to the one which followed Sherlock’s tender kiss to Y/N’s lips.

“I tried to take no heed in you, but it didn’t work, maybe the exact opposite will?”

***

Six months later, when Y/N came in his office, Sherlock on her heels, proudly waving her degree under his nose, the only thing he was surprised about was the fact that Sherlock had let Y/N became a true constable. He was so overprotective with her, always so soft when he was talking to her, always so tender in every move towards her, like she was a fragile doll anything a little curt would broke, he has such harass Lestrade for him to be sure she was safe during the rest of her traineeship and then the instructor at the Police Academy – promising all his dirty secrets would be disclosed if anything happened to his sweet baby girl – it was a miracle that he let her join the police, criminal section of Scotland Yard, in addition!

Then, Lestrade found some logic in there: Y/N would never be alone, always under his or Sherlock’s protection; probably both. She just had the perfect profession for him always keeping an eye on her, she would always, always be safe. Looking to the couple in front of him, the Detective Inspector shuddered thinking about what would happen if Y/N was hurt; Sherlock had been deprived of the hope of love for too long, he wouldn’t let anything happen to his girlfriend, at no cost. And if something should happen to her anyway, Hell would be released on the culprit. That was what Lestrade understood by the sparkle in Sherlock’s eyes. If he was Donovan, he would be very, very careful.

***

Thanks for reading

[rwby-nwbe]

Just Finished RWBY Volume 2...

...and HOLY HECK IT GOT BETTER.

[Warning: Spoilers for Volume 2 and Long Post.]

New antagonists! More huntsman action! More characters and interactions! And the fights, tho. THE FIGHTS!

*Ahem* Okay, clearly I just need to start from the beginning...

Episode 1

We start the new season by being reintroduced to our new antagonists, Emerald Sustrai and Mercury Black. They may be villains, but they're also obviously teens (Mercury radiates prick energy) and they're dynamic is entertaining. Also, RIP Tukson, he seemed like a nice dude...

We then cut back to Team RWBY and JNPR, who are apparently on break at the moment. It's also nice to see Sun again, and we also get to meet Neptune. Anyways, someone throws a pie in Weiss face, and you know what that means...

FOOD FIGHT!!!

Seriously, THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY. Ruby can apparently surf on lunch trays! Weiss used ketchup and a freakin' swordfish like Myrtenaster! Blake used baguettes and a sausage link like Gambol Shroud! Freakin' YANG was punching things with TURKEY! JAUNE... threw a melon, that was cool; nice to see that he's losing the noodleness of his body. NORA RIPPED OUT A PIPE, STUFFED IT TO A MELON, AND CALLED IT MAGNHILD! Note to self: never challenge Pyrrha to a fight near a vending machine (or anytime, really). Ren can kick WATERMELONS, and fight with LEEKS. HOW CAN THEY EVEN DIGEST ALL THAT FOOD!?

RIP Neptune's hair though, I hear grape is hard to wash out...

Then we cut back to the White Fang and Torchwick, who are then met with Mercury, Emerald, and later the great Cinder Fall herself. I'll admit, Mercury's funny but a jerk, and Emerald... I'm pretty sure I was mentally screaming "YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATED" when I saw her and Cinder. First she doesn't give Emerald a hug, then she tells her to not think and just obey? RED FLAGS. RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE.

Oh, speaking of Cinder, while she does radiate boss energy, I'm glad that I don't personally like her. I don't know what it is, but it might be the fact that she's treating everyone else like her pawns (and considering she used a chess piece later in this volume, I wouldn't be surprised). I mean, good villain, but like any good villain, I want her to get roasted, though that might not work given her Semblance.

Also, Roman Torchwick, you beautiful jerk, never change. I love ya, but I also love seeing you get dragged, which is what Emerald did to you at the end of this. Yep, I'm on board for this season!

Also, the new opening. I thought nothing could top "This Will Be The Day." I was wrong. Haven't listened to all of it yet, but "Time To Say Goodbye" SLAPS.

Episode 2

So, several things. There's board games, insert Yu-Gi-Oh reference here... Yang has too much power. Also, if I remember the lingo right, then this is also the episode where the White Rose shippers got crumbs, the White Knight shippers were once again denied, and where the Iceberg shippers were born (while the rest of us were titling our heads in confusion with Jaune). Jaune continues to be a social dork (what's with the blonde boys blowing Blake's secret? Don't think I've forgotten about Sun...). Blake is being consumed with the burden of RESPONSIBILITY. I feel that Blake. Oh, and the ending...

Why do out villains have to be clever enough to infiltrate the actual school!? And Weiss' "We're doomed." I hope that's not secret foreshadowing...

Episode 3

Jaune fails yet again at wooing Weiss (at least Yang comforts him at the end), and the gang begins their espionage. We meet Penny again, Weiss deals with her past, albeit briefly, and Penny... oh boy. She's hiding something, and the hiccups make it obvious. What could it possibly- oh...

Episode 4

Most of us had our suspicions, what with Penny's awkward demeanor and ludicrous super strength, but yep, she's a robot! Aw, get yourself a real one like Ruby. Oh, and Neptune's useless with Yang around. Speaking of, HEY, good to see you again, Junior! So Blake and Sun intercept the White Fang rally and... oh fudge they got giant robots. BAIL! We also get to see Neptune's weapon and Sun's semblance (before they nope off the road and leave the rest of the fighting to RWBY, while they go off and get ramen, the jerks...). Also, nice to see that they have team attack names (I believe some of them double as ship names), and this is where we get to meet the Ice Cream Queen Neopolitan (not to be confused with the now officially dubbed Ice Queen Weiss Schnee. If even the villains are calling you that, then congrats, you have a new title)! Neo then proceeds to give them the slip, and I personally believe that Yang only disliked Weiss' pun because it highlighted her failure.

C'mon Yang, at least she's TRYING!

Episode 5

Pyrrha is a combat queen. 'Nuff said. Suck it, CRDL.

Oh no. Mercury is both a smart aleck AND smart. This will not end well.

Blake, take a break. No, seriously, working yourself to death just because you think you can doesn't mean you should. You will only feel worse. TAKE A BREAK.

Well Jaune, mission failed. You'll get her next time.

Pyrrha Nikos. Sweetie. We're talking about Jaune Arc here. He's not gonna get the hints you're dropping unless that "hint" is a full blown irrefutable confession so obvious that even he can't screw it up. I know you want to help him because you like him (and yes, even like like him), but it's clear Weiss isn't interested, at least not now. Capitalize on that!

And our villain group continues to be dastardly. *Chuckles* We're in danger.

Episode 6

The dance draws near, and it seems that both Blake AND Jaune could use a pep talk!

Poor Blake. It appears your faunus trait makes you more cat-like than just the ears.

Also, poor Ren. He just wants a nice bath, but alas, the power of bromance.

Oof, tough love from Yang. Pretty good flashback, though. Also, Pyrrha, your selfless nature will be your undoing, listen to Nora.

...oh God, if I'm saying "listen to Nora" when the world isn't ending, we might ACTUALLY be in danger.

Aw, the dance looks fun. Poor Jaune, tho. Don't worry, at least Yang, Blake, and Sun are having a good time (and this is the part where I realize I'm becoming a SunnyBee shipper, crap). Poor Ruby, having to wear heels. Don't worry, Ozpin will keep you company.

Oh crap, the villain kids are here! What are you up to!?

Episode 7

This one gets the runner up for my favorite episode. Alternatively, I give it the title "Team Leaders Know What's Up."

Jaune, you may be a dumbass, but you're the rare "Surprisingly Competent Dumbass With A Heart Of Gold," and you get my respect for that. Being socially awkward with Ruby? Comedy gold. Putting things into perspective for Neptune? Props, my dude. Comforting Pyrrha? Friendship goals (even though it should be more than friendship goals, but hey, you put on the dress, I'll give you that). Nice dance moves, by the way, JNPR.

As for Ruby... drinking Jaune's punch? Iconic. Noticing Cinder sneaking away? Nice. Fighting her in heels of all things? You, my dear red reaper, are on another level. A shame that Ironwood couldn't get there faster and that Cinder had to bail, but oh well.

Also: Penny continues to be heckin' adorable. I will never NOT stan.

Episode 8

HEAR YE, HEAR YE, THE NOBLE DOG ZWEI HAS GRACED US WITH HIS ADORABLE PRESENCE. Tremble before his ability to fit in boxes and melt Weiss' heart. Oh, and RWBY gets exposed to Ozpin, but surprise! Even Ozpin doesn't have to play by the rules! Though that could get him in trouble with Ironwood later...

Why does this show keep showing me characters that I want to get to know better in record time!? Team CFVY looks so interesting, and it's nice to see Velvet again! Ooh, I hope we see them more later...

Also, Professor Oobleck, I know we saw a bit of you in Volume 1, and I wish we got to know you better. You seem delightful.

Episode 9

Okay, my previous statement of DOCTOR Oobleck still stands. I love this chaotic fast man.

He's both funny AND deep! His reaction to Zwei? Comedy gold! Him picking apart RWBY's motives and the Grimm? Disturbingly thought provoking, but enjoyable. Also, Ruby, you're great, but you're not entirely a genius, you're just a little bit lucky.

In conclusion: there are a lot of characters to stan in RWBY. Dr. Oobleck is one of them.

Episode 10

We learn about WBY's motivations, now excuse me while I go crying in the club right now.

OH NO, RUBY GOT KIDNAPPED! AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE HER SCYTHE! FRICK, it's a mindset kind of deal! Without her scythe, she thinks she's useless! Oh, and Roman's there too, that's not good.

...that is REALLY not good, Oobleck! Get down there, all of you! Wait, is your thermos... your WEAPON!? HOW THE FU-

(Sidenote, I looked up the name, since most weapons have them and I'm impatient for them getting name dropped. "Antiquity's Roast," eh? Fitting...)

Episode 11

So... this episode.

Poor Ruby. She failed to fight back, she almost ran away but then it turns out Melodic Cudgel is also a GRAPPLING HOOK. Thank god Yang and company finally busted their way in.

...why are Roman and the White Fang going kamikaze with those train car bombs? Oh right, the Grimm. Crap, that ain't good.

Ah, Oobleck. You may have accidentally repeated Ruby's line, but a swig of your thermos/club/flamethrower and then using it to bat Zwei into a cannonball of death redeemed you!

So Neo's back. She's skilled, sassy, has something going on with her eyes... Oh boy, Yang's getting outclassed by a pipsqueak. That's gotta suck.

Does every faunus (baring Blake, Sun, etc.) hate the SDC? Seriously Weiss, what did your father DO!?

Roman, do not get flirty with Blake. Junior tried something similar with Yang way back in the Yellow Trailer, and he got socked in the face. You deserve that kick in the head.

Oh look, Yang's mom is here! Nice, now Neo can't kill her (don't you dare, you little ice cream, I swear...). Oh. OH. That's a big sword. Yeah, ya better run, Neo. You ain't winnin' this fight. Great, now I want to know what Yang's mom's deal is. Figures she just warped away afterwards...

And now the Grimm are above ground. Yeah, seems like a good time for the season finale.

Episode 12

Now THIS is my favorite episode.

Look at that, Jaune's getting good instincts! And it's nice that Team JNPR was able to help RWBY. Also nice that Jaune can actually kill a Grimm now. Good job, man. You earned Pyrrha's smile of approval.

As much as I'm wary of the antagonist trio, I'll admit, they can fight good. Especially Emerald, her guns are sick. Why am I warming up to her so fast? What is this magic!?

...CFVY. CFVY. WHY ARE Y'ALL SO BADASS? Seriously, Yatsuhashi's carying an entire sword and a half. Fox just pulled a Ren and caused a Grimm to explode. Coco... God, Coco- WHY DOES RUBY HAVE SO MANY QUEENS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!?

"You just destroyed my favorite clothing store. Prepare to die."

I-FREAKING-CONIC!

And she just murders Grimm with a BRIEFCASE. That turns into a GATTLING GUN. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT'S ALSO A GUN. (BTW, Gianduja is a really cool name for it.)

And now I want to know Velvet's weapon! It doesn't look like much now, but apparently it took a semester to build. And we know that Velvet can fight based on what we saw with her and Fox, so how does she ADD to that!?

THAT TRACK IN THE BACKGROUND, TOO! "CAFFEINE~" HELL YEAH!!!

Ooh, Port and Oobleck teamup! Oh no... THE GLYNDA IS MAD PEOPLE. I REPEAT, THE GLYNDA IS MAD! SHE HAS NO PATIENCE FOR YOUR GRIMM BS!!!

Welp, Roman got handled, though I doubt it's for long... Yay, RWBY finally gets a break! Oh boy, trouble brewing between Ozpin and Ironwood, that ain't good.

...bull man's back. Uh, guys, Adam's back! And he's helping the bad guys! THIS IS REALLY NOT GOOD.

...oh, so your name is Raven? And that's what you look like under the mask. There's the resemblance... Oh boy, where have you been all of Yang's life?

...

So all in all, Volume 2 was even better than Volume 1, in my opinion. It's like they took the first volume and amped it up to 11. Longer runtimes, great comedy, great action sequences, great CHARACTERS. It's just a complete trip! 10/10, would ride again. Welp, it's getting late, so I can't immediately start Volume 3. But what Volume 2 gave us is good enough to tide me over.

...I am so glad I started this series. Well, this is goodbye for now. Cheers, internet!

-Mathewton, the RWBY Newbie (22 March 2020)